#but i don't trust any of them they are all so self centered and narcissistic

[deusexmachinawitch]

hi, how do u personally manifest? what are your steps? thanks !

Lately I've not been my best when it comes to follow my own routine due to work (which is ironic because I manifested this line of work).

Still, what I used to do that gave me the most effective results where:

-Inner work + Shadow Work: I mention this mostly to help with self concept but above all, to help me find what can be blocking my manifestations.

For example, manifesting my ex-SP. I realized I really didn't want him back. Could I have manifested him back? Sure. But I realized that there was a lot of hurt attached to him and I just didn't want someone who was borderline narcissistic back. Can I have change that? Of course, I am God. Did I want to put on the work? No, especially because I found out that I was so special as a God in this reality that I wanted something even much better. That's how I figured out I wanted a dream SP instead and manifested that in less than 2 weeks without any resistance. So this thing should be mostly to make up your damn mind, find your worth and from there WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT.

-Subliminals: I use slade's subliminals and for some reason they work wonderfully for me. With this, is mostly finding subliminals that resonate with you and even have fun with them like challenging yourself and affirm that the subliminals will make manifestation work even faster. Subliminals are fine but your belief in them is much worthy since you're the one defining your own rules in the reality you have created as the God in it.

-Robotic affirmations: Same as subliminals but they are a reminder of what you have chose in this reality. You just affirm the existence of these things like a God summoning things into reality. It makes you feel more powerful.

-Act like the main character while knowing you're God: I feel like the center of my own reality and the lives of the people I've manifested but with a sense of responsibility. I say this because when you manifest a new reality, that may include people you manifested out of thin air or changed people you know. I say this from experience. In my new reality, half of the people I currently know and are close to me are people that I manifested out of thin air and half are people that I changed into better versions. When this happens, people act the way you expect and that gives you a sense of responsibility. In my case, everyone adores me and constantly check on me and pamper me. So to enjoy things better, I act like I don't expect my manifestations to enjoy my manifestation better plus not being attached to the results. With this, I mean that I act like I didn't expect things to happen even if I manifested them to enjoy them better.

As an example, I'll talk about a success story that happened to me this weekend. A friend of mine whom I manifested out of thin air and practically adores me and trusts my judgement, traveled with me for work and paid for all my expenses to make sure I was comfortable and suddenly realized they overspent on me and didn't blame me for it but felt sad. I did expect they would spoil me but felt bad about the money they spent on me. So I affirmed things would be alright and that they would have so much money soon that we could even go on a trip for leisure along with other people. So, 3 days after that happened, payments that should have gone to them suddenly were cancelled because of "billing mistakes on the other part" so they didn't have to pay for a lot of things this month and then they got a large sum from a family member. They were so shocked and they actually told me we are going on a trip on May to a city I wanted to go, my expenses paid.

During this time, I did show concern for my friend and comforted them but at the same time I was affirming that they were getting that money they spent on me back but doubled and it happened. I knew it was going to happen so I wasn't worried but at the same time I did what I had to do to make my friend feel better while knowing the outcome. So I was the main character but also God.

-Above all, incorporate manifestation to your daily routines so it feels natural: If it feels unnatural and forced, trust me that while you can try and manifest during any circumstance as long as you believe in the end... It's better when it feels natural because it becomes effortless. Affirm while you're in the shower, listen to subliminals while cleaning, etc... And don't feel bad incorporating watching LoAss vids or consuming content. Just use them as a reminder of how to manifest and also, do some manifesting challenges for fun! Just make it natural and even fun so you feel connected to your power and so manifestation doesn't feel like a chore.

You can also try new techniques to try new things or even make your life even better with revision or scripting with a special notebook or app. Make it fun, you're the main character even if you're God!

#law of assumption #loa tumblr #loablr #manifestation #loa blog #affirm and persist #loassumption #loassblog #loa success #neville goddard #ask: anon

[empath-abuse-awareness]

went on a rant but realized it'd be better to phrase this in a more constructive way. this is long i am so sorry. if you decide to post this then empaths are encouraged to read <3

reasons to stop using 'narcissistic abuse' and the word 'narcissist' when speaking of abuse, by an abuse survivor without npd

1 if you call your abuser a narcissist, it takes away their own autonomy. it's better to specify that they abused you because they chose to, as implying that it is because of narcissistic personality disorder (npd) takes away their accountability. it's their responsibility to treat you well, and it is their fault, not that of the hypothethical narcissism.

2 putting them responsible for the abuse does not make your abuse any less valid or harmful than if you specify it is 'narcissistic abuse'. if non-traumatized people judge you, their arguments are false as they are speaking from a lack of understanding of what you have been through.

3 children growing up in abusive households could lean toxic or unhealthy behavior, yes, that is true. if you teach them about this and inform them of ways to learn better behaviors then this allows them to make the decision to become a healthier person.

4 if you portray them as abusive, on the contrary, then this does not help them and people are also psychologically more likely to express the behaviors that people perceive them to be doing. you can research this if you'd like. what i am saying is that if you call them an abuser they are more likely to abuse. if you teach them to express healthier behaviors compassionately, you can help them be a better person who refrains from harming themselves and others.

5 people with npd who express unhealthy or toxic behaviors are not doing this because they want to. their disorder is a response to trauma (yes, it could be the same as yours, even) and it is possible they are unaware of the consequences of their behavior. this is not because they are out to get you, it's because their caretakers have taught them it's the safest way to survive. their brains (yes, brains. it's not a conscious decision of the person themselves) psychologically do not understand that this is not the case for situations not like that household. once again, they deserve help in learning healthy behaviors. if you don't want to interact with a person who has npd then that is your respected boundary, but then let npd advocates be. that is the point of what they are doing. they are assisting pwnpd to be healthier and to treat themselves and others with kindness.

6 'narcissistic abuse' is not different from other types of abuse. why? because all abusers are self-centered. to abuse is to put your own standards above the personhood and safety of your victim. your self-centered abuser is not different from any other abuser (who is probably self-centered too), and if they are diagnosed with npd then you should learn the difference between mindsets and actions. people with npd have varying mindsets. people without npd do too. the question of whether someone turns out to be an abuser is their own choice. a person with npd can treat you compassionately and without harm even if you believe they have a 'big ego' or prioritize themselves.

7 on a similar note to my previous point: emotional, physical and sexual abuse are descriptors of the way in which someone is harmed. they do not describe severity. yes, your abuse can be very severe and very scary, i trust that. i believe you if you state that you were harmed. however, this harm could be inflicted upon you in varying ways, and the types of abuse describe that, rather than the amount of pain you've been through. you're allowed to speak about your pain. you can do this without blaming a disorder instead of your abuser. so please stop using 'narcissistic abuse'. i promise you your abuse is severe and it matters.

8 people with a lack of emotional intensity or low empathy have been through trauma too. they might have those responses Because the abuse was too much for them. the abuse they have been through was severe, too. if they don't feel as much emotions as you then this is not because they are heartless and cruel, it's to protect them from the pain you've probably felt too. they've hurt, just like you. their brains decided that they needed a safer response so that they wouldn't suffer more. your brain didn't because it made you more sensitive. that is okay, trauma responses differ, but they are still trauma responses.

9 if you insist that people with 'big egos' should have it become lesser so that they are 'put in their place', then the way to treat someone who believes they are superior is to give them equal treatment to that of others. to imply they are the same as everyone else, basically. isn't that surprising? if you want people who prioritize themselves to learn that they are not better than others objectively, then you treat them in the same way as you'd treat someone with empathy, or someone who is selfless, or whatever else. this should not be hard to understand.

10 emotions vary among people with cluster b disorders and in general, so surprise surprise, they can be affected. they can be hurt. you are influencing them negatively. treating them worse will not, in fact, lower their egos in the way you'd like. treating them equally will ensure they learn that is their place among others. recognize their personhood and help them. if you want to help trauma survivors, then the way to do that is to treat all of them with kindness. also, learn trauma responses and abuse. please. for the sake of pwnpd, yourself and everyone else who has faced trauma. that is all i ask. i understand you might not listen but for those who genuinely want some arguments i have presented them to you above. thank you for reading.

11 realize that 'ableist' is not an accusation meant to shut you up. it's meant to inform you of the consequences of your actions so that you can learn to be more compassionate to people with npd.

12 and finally, realize that mindsets rooted within you do not change quickly, and you deserve to set up boundaries. refrain from interaction with pwnpd if you wish. the only thing i ask of you is to cope with your trauma healthily and to not hurt yourself or others (including pwnpd) in the process. thank you.

sincerely, a trauma survivor who has been through abuse from (you guessed it!) self-centered assholes. and by the way, you're allowed to just insult them. calling them an abusive piece of shit is ok and encouraged. embrace yourself and hold that bitch accountable, there's more creative and harmless ways than 'narcissist' to do so!

100% facts

#narc abuse #narcissistic abuse #narcissism positivity #surviving narcissism #npd positivity #narcissist #narcissistic personality disorder #npdawareness #empath #npd #I can’t really read this rn because I’m tired but I skimmed it so yeah

[promiseiwillwrite]

Worst

When I am at my worst, The world is monochrome or madness.

I can see the light... But I cannot take part, and don't deserve to. It's not that it mocks me, it's just that it is off limits to me.

People say sometimes you need to say words out loud to another person, and it feels like I am choking. The Silence is suffocating. I am Paralyzed. Everything is Dangerous in the garden of razors. Even Breath. How dare I take from others that which sustains life?

How dare I want. How Dare I have needs. How Shameful. How Selfish. How Self-Centered I am in this loop, obsessed with myself and how bad I am and how I must be hurting everyone. Bad bad bad. Selfish Selfish Selfish. Crazy Stupid Worthless Fuck Up. Disowned Disappointment.

You can't see any of this from the outside. Maybe that I am a little droopy. Most of the time I only vent about it here. I am trying not to make life miserable for the people around me. I am Keenly aware of how I present. I am thinking these things, and feeling the daggers of my own judgement, all while smiling and laughing and telling the people I love that everything is alright when I want to Die. I am a good liar, unless I am feeling extra dramatic and attention whorish. A lying liar who lies and shameful for wanting attention and comfort. Definitely one of those what do they call them again... a vulnerable narcissist.

And there are a lot of perspectives that I see all this from. But I even push away the people in my head and the gods from my heart when it is bad. I push them away, even though they could help out of some stupid Peter Parker Bullshit where I think I am baring the bad on my own, and not being a burden to others. By not taking comfort from them, I am not Using them, because that would be wrong. That would be Bad, cruel, manipulative.

To use my own coping strategy, that I know works for me, to handle my emotional pain and manage my emotional damage.

I see the inconsistencies.

And sometimes I just lay there and wallow in it. Other times I am biting the fucking bars with my teeth like a wild beast.

God it is exhausting.

My Identity has been a mess for so long. I WANT connection but I don't trust it AT ALL. I have so much of what I say I want, but I act like I don't because I don't know how to identify with the experience. I am smarter than this, but sometimes no amount of smart makes any difference in my experience. No difference in the Fear. No Difference in the ANGER.

I thought I was good at reading people, and it turns out I was good at reading my Abuser because I had to be. I am absolute trash at reading actual regular people with access to their full range of emotions. And I am Trash at expressing my emotions, thoughts and feelings because I think they are all dangerous to others, because these emotional expressions were always dangerous for me growing up. And I would rather die alone than hurt others that I care about the way people hurt me. I would rather stay silent, I would rather never move again. I would rather be Locked Inside than hurt people like other people hurt me.

And I know that patterns of abuse repeat.

And I have already taught the people I love that I am not safe to say no to.

When I am at my worst, I withdraw from life and reality. I withdraw from friends and loved ones. I just don't want to hurt anyone or feel anything anymore. I am so tired of being scared. I am so tired of being anxious all the time. I am so tired of the monitoring of every word, of trying to think thirty steps ahead in each small human interaction or of Mouthing off and saying what I really feel to people who don't need to hear it. But I tell myself that it's better if (I push them away) they leave, or stop trying.

Because then I can't hurt them anymore.

[universaliss]

People will say "I don't believe in god because its just something for the weak so they can cope with their lives, deal with their problems and it makes them feel better about themselves."

To which I would say....

"Yeah what is wrong with that"

I'll be the 1st person to admit, I'm weak. I'm lazy. Unmotivated. Indifferent. Most of the time, I really just don't care. I'm either vain, self centered or a narcissist. I don't know the difference. With a mountain of insecurities and an army of demons in my back and enough inner knots and confusion to keep me mildly preoccupied and depressed for the rest of my life. The past hurts, the future scares me and the present? I kinda just try to keep the days passing by remaining as numb as possible and distracted as possible.

Disciplined? Weak. I'm pretty sure my emotions, my desires, and my lusts have way more control over me than I do with them. I struggle to do what I should do and I do easily what I know I shouldn't and everything else I'm kinda just, meh.

My love? Weak. Doesnt matter what the relationship is for me it all comes down to one thing. What am I getting out of it? Could I be a better friend? A better son? A better brother? Better spouse? A better human? Ofcourse I can but I don't because it's not easy. Integrity, dignity, morality, virtue? I know of those things. I google about em. But it doesn't matter anyway because I'm too weak to be any of those things. Sure I wish none of these things would affect me, I wish i was perfect and immune to it all but that would make me into a robot, or dead. My ego tells me I don't want any help, "I dont need any help, I'll figure it out on my own and I certainly don't need any comfort or consolation."

Well that is all just a load of bullshit.

Problems? Yeah I got some of those. Who doesn't. Money problems, relationship problems, family problems, work problems, future problems, past problems, social problems, life problems, hidden problems that only I know of and that's just the small stuff. What about those really big ones that come out of nowhere? Disease, suicide, loss, poverty, war, depression. The ones that make no sense. The ones we fear are gonna burry us.

I act like I'm strong, I look like I'm strong, I pretend I'm a lot stronger than you. But that is not strength and besides I'm getting sick of this act. So yeah buddy I have no problem admitting that I'm weak, that I have problems, and that I don't have all the answers. It's actually very liberating. And I bet that if you are honest and not perfect you have weaknesses and problems too. And that's sone of the few things that we can say we have in common and it's ok.

So the question is, what are we doing about it?

We coping and there's this kind of coping where we grind our teeth and take it, absorbing it all in that dark little spot, and that's the worst kind of coping and it only leads to you one day just snapping.

Then there is another type of coping, which is consumption. Food, media, partying, tech, porn, sex, money, drugs. These help only for a few minutes or days, but they lead to more problems and more coping.

Then there's this type of coping where you talk to someone and you pay them and we call it therapy. Or self help books. Or gaming. Or philosophy. The kind where we are searching for answers, for truth. For the way through. For something or someone to make sense. For meaning. For peace.

So yeah, I let go of myself. I let go of it all. I'm clueless.

I trust the universe to work it out for me.

I trust God.

"My power is made perfect in weakness"

[sarah934]

Who Can Benefit From Trauma Coaching at Our Trauma Healing Centre?

Do you believe yourself to be in a toxic or narcissistic relationship?

Do you feel you need to escape the dark thoughts that haunt you?

you were raised by or had a long-term relationship with a narcissist.

Grew up in an environment of repeated and ongoing traumatic events.

You witness Domestic violence,

You experience physical and verbal abuse

Do you feel you were raised in a cold, sad, gray, scary, unpredictable, fearful, and chaotic environment?

Caregivers show no or minimum appropriate affection: no hugs or kisses, No comments such as I’m proud of you, I’m so happy you are my child.

They criticize you and you seem to never be able to make them happy.

Parents created a sibling rivalry by choosing to have a favorite child, so you don’t have anybody on your team

if your siblings are against you and each other.

As an adult, you experience long-term trauma during a relationship with domestic violence and verbal, physical, and sexual abuse.

If you Ever Had Any Of These Experiences or Challenges, you're a perfect candidate to benefit from my trauma coaching program.

What is Narcissistic Abuse?

Narcissistic abuse covers a range of things, including tactics of persuasive control, subtle manipulation, gaslighting, and psychological and emotional abuse. It's a form of emotional abuse where people suffering from NPD display low empathy and believe others to be below them. As a result, they display harmful, abusive, and toxic behaviors.

People suffering from sociopathy and narcissism are most likely to display such behaviors. Such people don't love themselves. What drives them is shame. These individuals are likely to use language and words in a manipulative way to damage their partner or control their behavior. The answer to all these problems is narcissistic abuse treatment. Now, get it in Nashville from Trauma Healing For You.

What Benefits Do You Get From Trauma Coaching?

Narcissistic abuse treatment is a long process, without a doubt, a long road. Still, it's always possible with guidance and a little assistance. A trained trauma coach can help you take a good start on your recovery journey. Suppose you're not yet ready to escape a narcissistic relationship as yet. In that case, your trauma coach can help you set boundaries and effectively communicate with the narcissist.

That'll help to alleviate your suffering and pain. I am here to help you through your trauma. Hence, you begin your recovery journey and finally become the best version of yourself that you deserve. How can a trauma coach help you?

He/She assists you through your feelings of guilt, denial, and shame.

A trauma coach teaches you to forgive yourself and move on.

He/She can help you regain and rebuild your identity.

Offer assistance in pulling through your negative feelings and thoughts which is the major part of narcissistic relationships treatment.

Enables you to deal with your anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

Help you in processing the grief and sorrow of breaking the relationship.

A trauma coach will aid you in developing new coping skills through Narcissistic abuse treatment.

They will inform others about the abuse to keep them safe.

A trauma coach will help you in overcoming self-harm behaviors and suicidal thoughts.

Assist you in resisting the urge to interact with the narcissist or abuser

Are you are experiencing the following problems?

1) Relationship issues: you attract self-centered relationships, when it is all about them and not you. This can happen in romantic relationships, with friends and bosses. You seem to be a magnet attracting dysfunctional relationships. You withdraw from the relationship to avoid abandonment and for lack of trust. You isolate yourself, distrust people, and search for a relationship that you have to rescue.

2) Self-esteem and self-concept: you grew up believing you are damaged or defective, not lovable, with feelings of shame, unworthiness, and helplessness. You don’t have a clear identity and are always afraid to make decisions. helplessness, shame, guilt, stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings.

3) Social: you are plagued with anxiety and depression that hinder you from connecting to people, you feel you don’t belong in this world and feel fake and out of place. You have fear of rejection.

4) Difficulty regulating your emotions: sometimes you feel persistent sadness, want to cry, explosive anger, impulsivity., and get fixated on negative thoughts.

5) Health issues such as chronic illness and immunological issues that medical doctors cannot explain?

What Holding You Back Complex Trauma Healing?

I know it's not easy thinking about getting trauma coaching. That's because society stigmatizes seeking care for mental health. The idea of seeking assistance for mental abuse, narcissistic relationships, depression, and anxiety is something most people will never consider in Nashville. That's usually the fear of being labeled as mentally ill or sick. Mental health issues are no different from physical health problems or diseases.

If you suffer from an illness or injury, won't you go to a doctor to treat you? Certainly, there are no two ways about it.

Then why do we think twice when it comes to mental health? Mental health issues like anxiety, depression, abuse, and narcissistic abuse have treatment.

You can recover and relive your life at its best. If you book your session with me in Nashville, I will help you get through this journey.

Forget about treating a mental issue; you can talk to me like a friend. Sign up with me today and tread on your path to recovery.

I want to see you live the best of what your life has to offer. Everyone deserves a chance at life.

Here's What I Have For You!

I know you've survived your so far with your trauma. But you don't always have to live with it. You can trust me to help you through your journey because I have endured the same suffering. I know how it feels to be in your shoes.

So, I offer completecomplex trauma healing in Nashville for my clients to help them escape their narcissistic abuse and move toward trauma healing.

When you're healed, you'll see the better version of yourself emerge from the darkness. What do I have for you? Have a look yourself

Trauma Coaching

I offer you a thorough one-on-one trauma coaching program where you can discuss every detail of your problem without any hesitation. I ensure your session is focused and deep so you can pull through the things that weigh you down. I provide you with a particular session so you can talk through every little detail.

I always do my best to create a safe and homely environment with my clients where they can freely discuss their experiences. Feel at home and enjoy trusting expertise to take a step towards the happiness you truly deserve.

Here's What I Can Help You With! I have a history of guiding people through their traumatic and narcissistic abuse experiences toward a better life and an improved way of living. Want to join me on this journey?

Here's what you get!

Achieve the Clarity of Mind You Need

Trauma can have lasting effects on your personality and change you as a person. A trauma coach helps you process those traumatic experiences by being with you and helping you move ahead of the grief you've felt by being in a narcissistic relationship and then leaving it. Booking a session with me at my trauma healing centre in Nashville, I'll be sure to listen to everything that keeps you awake at night: those troubling thoughts, negative feelings, self-doubt, fear, and whatnot. I'll help you move through the phase of grief and process whatever happened to clear your mind of all those thoughts.

Get Someone to Listen to You

A trauma coach's role is to assist you in regaining your motivation to achieve your life goals. Unlike most trauma coaches, I am highly trained in helping people recover from trauma. Being the clinical director at FamilyCare Counseling and Coaching services since 2009, I have been in practice since then. I completed my bachelor’s in psychology and then received my master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Later, I earned my Ph.D. degree in psychology focusing on different areas like cognition, perception, behavior, and neuroscience and started my journey with this trauma healing centre in Nashville.

Get Client Lead Coaching

Just like our responses to trauma are innate to help us survive, we also have the special abilities to recover. I believe in you and your ability to heal, reconnect and revive through the difficult times you endured. Trauma coaching is always client lead because you have it in your to protect and respond to the trauma you face. I'm here to assist you in the journey and believe in your strength to heal yourself. I know you have the power to recover from your trauma and start with a new day!

Regain the Beauty of Your Relationships

Our relationships have to do with our well-being. Whether it's your family, friends, or partner, they always deserve the best version of you. Yet they can be badly hindered by your negative thoughts, emotions, anxiety, and frustration. While a narcissistic relationship gives all these things, a narcissistic abuse treatment can help you recover from it. Sitting and talking with a trauma coach can help you learn coping tactics and healing methods to recover from trauma. When such things stop bothering you, you'll see how your relationships start getting better.

Experience Your Road to Recovery

Trauma recovery coaches never embark on any theory or such orientation because they believe every individual is unique. You cannot imply a set of approaches to someone because their experience is unique to them alone. So, I'm here to help you through your journey, so you get to experience your own road to recovery. Forget about expectations; I'll help you recover through complex trauma healing and grow at your own pace. That way, you can experience your own framework for healing. You'll see that you had it in you all along!

#trauma healing #narcissistic abuse treatment #nashville #trauma treatment

[avoidantrecovery]

avpd & toxic shame, when the call is coming from inside the house (part 1)

(cw: SA mention)

there is a chance that what looms at the center of our avpd, is toxic shame. toxic shame is shame that is so strong, it impairs our day to day life. it stops being something we believe we can overcome and starts to become something we believe we are inherently.

what is at the center of toxic shame and self-hate?

i believe that it manifests itself the moment we start believing our abusers and bullies. we start believing the lies told about us, big and small, and internalize them. we begin to do their work for them.

the sources of the lies we are told

projections from parents & caregivers

when i hit puberty, my mother suddenly started to hate me and my father did nothing to stop it. i was twelve and not in a place to understand, let alone protect myself from what was happening. despite the fact that what she did was very cruel and damaging, and essentially did what it was supposed to, which is hamper me in my development to ensure i'd never eclipse her, i now understand the root of it all. i don't forgive her, but i understand it.

she felt threatened by her little girl suddenly growing into a woman, perhaps prettier than her, perhaps more intelligent than her just as her own life was threatening to get completely absorbed in banality. add to that a narcissistic tendency on her end and you have the perfect recipe for disaster. in her eyes was a bad child, a whore, a slut, a curse on her life, a witch, i should have been given away or aborted. my offences: being in my room, hanging out with my one friend, going to school. that's it, i wasn't even a bad teenager, which makes it even more ironic. my mother was like those people who get cute fluffy puppies or kittens and drown them. like a mother hen pecking her chick, so it stops following her around. and not only did i internalize that, i wanted to be her little girl again, so i think something within me decided to stop growing.

bullies & "friends"

bullies will tell us lies about ourselves and then make sure we believe them. they do it by the way the treat us, the things they say to us and by shaping our reality. our bodies are not the right shape or size or color, our clothes or shoes are not right and so on. they punish us for who we are and the bodies we occupy, so it is only obvious that shame can grow out of such an experience. i remember when the one friend i managed to make that spring came to hang out with me during break time. they were pissed. because in the world they had created for me, i wasn't supposed to have any friends. i was breaking out and they hated it. i think if they hadn't tried to drown me several weeks later, i might have walked away from this in a better shape.

strangely enough, at the time, it all didn't seem like a big deal. but i stopped being able to trust people, facial expressions, gestures of kindness. i just couldn't trust any of it anymore.

after that i went through another toxic friendship which just reinforced the lies i was beginning to internalize about myself. any time i wanted to "break out" or threatened to outshine her, she ridiculed me and shoved her fingers deeper into my wounds.

society & being a woman

i'm a woman and growing up i was made to believe certain things about myself based on the fact that i'm female. this can come from parents, peers, friends, teachers and wider society: media, books, films, etc...

i remember when i hit puberty and was slowly being made to understand that i'm a temptation to boys and men, but if anything was ever to actually happen to me, it was not only my fault, i was also a bad person because of it. so when one of my older cousins decided the day he was going to rape me had finally come, my eleven year old body froze. now, my cousin was not dumb so after holding me down and pressing and rubbing himself on me for a minute or two, he just got up and left.

he knew me as the loud-mouthed little girl who was so well protected that if anyone was to lay a finger on me, they'd be in prison in no time. he was scared of the repercussions, i could read it in his face, his frustration when he let go of me and walked away. what he didn't know though, is that my little brain had already internalized so much shame that i would have told nobody. he didn't do anything to me that day, but if he had, he would have gotten away with it. after all it was my fault, the natural state of my barely feminine body was evil and that made me bad right?

girls are dumb, slow, less intelligent, pieces of meat to be ogled by old disgusting men, to be used for sex, at fault if they are raped the list is endless... we internalize.

society and being black woman

i'm a black woman and as such i internalized a lot of the things that come with that. there is a quote that is attributed to hildegard von bingen:

"we cannot live in a world that is interpreted for us by others. an interpreted world is not a home. part of the terror is to take back our own listening. to use our own voice. to see our own light."

as a black woman, especially growing up in a western country, you live in a world that talks about you, if at all. and never from your perspective.

and these things are rarely good things. i never actually believed all the racist things said about me, but there was a nagging thought at the back of my head: what if it is all true? especially in moments of weakness. there is a lot of work that goes into constantly defending yourself against such attacks. and if they are subtle enough, you might not even notice they are happening. especially as a young girl, without the wherewithal to understand it all, it's easy to internalize it all.

society & being human

this one is a bit more general, but i do believe that social media, advertising and media in general can make us unhappy and internalize things about ourselves that aren't true. just look to what was recently uncovered about facebook & insta in regards to young teens. they are all made deeply unhappy and depressed by using these platforms (and that is how they are supposed to function. make them unhappy and then sell them solutions).

the vicious circle of toxic shame & isolation

once these lies have been internalized a vicious circle starts. we believe what is said about us, what has happened to us and it causes a change in our behaviour. perhaps we stop going to certain places or doing certain activities. instead of approaching new people to make new friends, or learning new things, we stick to the corner of the room and observe. check for danger. when we get invitations for parties or to hang out, we come up with an excuse after all danger and rejection lurks everywhere. so our friend group shrinks and we are inside more than outside.

and then the circle begins afresh, but now the things we have made to believe loom even larger. not to mention, isolation breeds suspicion and paranoia (in the brain). yes, we have fewer friends , no romantic interests, rarely do fun activities. the lies whisper it's because you are ugly, because you are unbearable, nobody likes you, everyone is ahead of you, everyone has better clothes, hair, shoes, etc... you look like an idiot, nobody likes you. suddenly the initial lies from our bullies, toxic caregivers, society, etc... seem a little more plausible. so you isolate even more. after all the chances for rejection and harm are even greater now.

rinse repeat until you are completely alone.

what can i do to counter all this?

this part it the hardest in my opinion, and i'm still looking for concrete solutions. depending on how long one has been caught in this vicious circle, the thought patterns have ingrained themselves and are automatic go-to habits at this point. breaking out of those thought patterns is the most important thing i think, but how? this is the million dollar question and i will explore it in a part 2.

#avpd #avoidant personality disorder #toxic shame #self hate #cptsd #trauma #schizoid #avpdrecovery #avpd ramblings #ramblings

[egg-emperor]

I feel like Eggman could still be genuinely nice to individual people without it compromising how evil he is. Like, I think Eggman's shown that he's capable of liking other people and enjoying a sense of real camaraderie with them; he seems to form a sort of friendship with Bowser in the Olympic series for example. He's still a ruthless conqueror who'll step on anyone to get what he wants, but if you get on his good side, I could see him treating you okay, you know?

Well I'm by no means saying that he goes around hating everyone for no reason or something just because he's a bad guy. Yes, there are times where he's specifically targeted innocent people or been careless towards the possibility of them being caught in collateral damage but that doesn't mean he can't ever get to know anyone personally (if they're evil too/approving of his ways) and have friendships/acquaintances/relationships with them. Even the worst people can. But he'll always be sure of his superiority over all of them no matter what. XD

I think he can but I wouldn't give him points for it meaning he can be a real nice guy because it doesn't take away from his evil. They're people on a bad person's good side which he can absolutely still have while still being just as evil, it's just that he has no reason to be cruel towards them. He can treat them okay and be friendly but he's also forever self centered in the way he only cares about himself and getting what he wants. So while he can be friendly with others, I can't imagine him being super kind and caring and he wouldn't put others first because he's a real narcissist.

I have a feeling that most of his relationships, whatever type they may be, don't last very long because he always sees himself as superior, expects too much, and insists that everything has to be done his way. He also has to have faith and trust in another that he rarely has in order to keep them around, so if they do him wrong and try to get in his way, he'll quickly snap at them and can discard them in a second. They either do as he says along with him or get left behind. Those that don't like his attitude or feel he's controlling won't want to be around him for long.

I imagine he's always prepared for that or the possibility of them trying to betray him due to his past experiences, so he knows not to get attached. So Sonic isn't too wrong about saying he has no friends, I imagine he has very little to none, as Bowser is the closest we've seen him with an organic being in the game universe. I like to imagine he doesn't mind, he feels better off on his own most of the time lol. As much as he loves attention, he desires it on a worldwide scale more than what just a few friends could give. He functions well as a lone wolf and there's no angst there.

Even with those that he actually gets along with more, he's still likely to argue and butt heads with them a lot. He even does this with Bowser. He still operates best on his own above everything, which is why he still isn't seen forming closer bonds with the exception of Bowser. He prefers to only be around robots long term because they're required to do as he says, he doesn't have to be careful about how he treats them, and if worst comes to worst, he can just shut them down and repurpose/reprogram, or scrap them. I imagine he wishes he could do that with living beings!

I imagine that the most likely and common way for him to form bonds and get to know people before anything else is for business because they're willing to help him in possibly furthering his goals. He looks for those that are on the same page as him, can be useful to him, or maybe even just give him an ego boost for a little while. Because that's all he ever really cares about the most, what's in something for him. Bowser is an example because he's evil too, so he figured he could understand his perspective and help in him in his plans.

It may progress further in any way from there but it's not planned. If they don't work out, he's not upset about a bond being broken, only the way they're no longer of any use to him. But there are cases where he'll get to know them and grow to like them as a person. He might end up thinking that they aren't such a bad person to know, he doesn't mind their company, and he can actually like hanging out with them. Then he might start to consider them as something like a friend, though he's usually not one to call it that.

Once again I feel Bowser is an example of this, hence why he's willing to go on a date hang out with him to see the sights of London when they think they weren't invited to the Olympics lol

So yeah, I'm not saying he goes around hating everyone for no reason, if he did then he couldn't form potentially useful bonds. And I don't think it's impossible for him to have friendships, though it can be difficult to keep them just because of the kind of person he is and will always be, no matter what company he keeps; a self centered egotist that will always see himself as the best and most important. (And he's right hjfbsjgjskgdg 💜💕)

#asks #dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #my post #analysis #headcanons #relationships

[alwida10]

The tragedy of Loki of Asgard

Or why I think the Infinity War Loki should stay dead.

TW: suicide, depression, narcissistic behavior

To understand this essay you need some basic understanding of the family dynamic in Odins family. The dynamic is one of a narcistic parent who has a golden child he projects his own awesomeness onto and a scapegoat child . The parent ensures himself the support of the golden child and makes himself the very center of attention, which is what a narcisst tribes for. The golden child longs to remain golden child and refrains from criticism of the parent. The scapegoat child strives to finally get out of the scapegoat position by pleasing the parent. To bad the child can’t do so because it gets not the blame because it did something wrong but because there must always be someone to blame. Therefore possible explanations and things the parent presented as desirable aren’t really that. Now, a golden child sooner or later gets used to blame everything on the scapegoat. It might even learn to control the scapegoat by blaming him the same way the parent did (aka the scapegoat longs for positive attention/affirmation and therefore does everything the golden child wants him to).

Now, in Thor Ragnarok Odin says ‘I love you my sons’ before he dies, placing the two of them more or less on equal positions for the first time ever. (I know there can be good arguments made, but just let’s assume it’s possition zero they start at.)

Pretty soon both end up on Sakarr, Thor in prison, Loki in the Grandmasters favors. Loki visits Thor in prison, suggesting teaming up, even though it endangers his position (the Grandmaster could hear about it, Thor would probably claim the higher position etc.) At that moment Thor doesn’t have anything to offer. Yet, he stonewalls, blaming Loki for all bad that happened. (For a much more detailed spot -on analysis please read this post where @i-dreamed-i-had-a-son even correctly predicted Loki’s death).

The whole dynamic in the prison is Thor falling back into the old family dynamic. Only that Odin is dead now, and the position of the prime narcisst is open. Now, narcissm is often correlated with abusive behavior, as written in ‘why does he do that? - inside they mind of angry and controlling men’ by Lundy Bancroft. In another post I found many of the things she describes can be observed in Thor’s actions in Thor Ragnarok.

But let’s get finally come to the elevator scene which is the heart piece of my explanation. Remember – Loki is at this point starved for any affirmation or positive reaction by his family. After Thor rejected Loki’s plan, he accepted Loki joining his plan. Thor lures Loki by claiming they should talk right before they enter the elevator. For a starving person this is huge temptation. But Loki did live with his family for eons and is certainly aware of it being a trap.

Right from his first appearance in Thor 1 (before the coronation) we learn that Loki never lowers his guard when it comes to admitting feelings. In that scene he said he loved Thor but directly glossed it over with a joke. After all what happened in Thor 1, Avengers and TDW Loki would never let himself appear weak by outright asking if Thor does still hold any positive feelings mg a for him. So he uses reverse psychology (claiming something against your own wishes, hoping the other disagrees and thereby affirms you.)

LOKI: Here's the thing. I'm probably better off staying here on Sakaar.

The problem with reverse psychology is when the other person agrees with it, it hits you right where it hurts the most.

THOR: That's exactly what I was thinking.

LOKI: ...Did you just agree with me?

THOR: This place is perfect for you. It's savage, chaotic, lawless. Brother,you're going to do GREAT here.

Thor follows up by insulting Loki and pushing him away hard. Why? Because he knows Loki has nobody else to turn to. Even after TDW Loki returned to Asgard. For one part because he’s still loyal but certainly also for the lack of alternatives. And Asgard will always include Thor. Thor knows Loki won’t be able to leave him.

LOKI: Do you truly think so little of me?

Loki is hurt, obviously and it’s very much visible on his face. To make sure no blame can be laid open him, Thor uses gaslighting.

THOR: Loki, I thought the world of you. I thought we were gonna fight side by side forever. But, at the end of the day, you're you, I'm me… I don't know, maybe there's still good in you, but let's be honest, our paths diverged a long time ago.

Loki is wounded by Thor's willingness to discard him. But he masks his feelings.

LOKI: It's probably for the best that we never see one another again.

Thor pats Loki on the shoulder, placing the obidience disk. And this action proves that the manipulation on Thor’s part was intentional. Why else would he have done it? (Everyone claiming ‘Loki betrayed Thor endless times, please read this meta). Thor knew that by pushing Loki away hard enough he would trigger a desperate act of reactive aggression. He did so to push Loki back into his place (which is beneath him, as far Thor is concerned). As soon that has happened Thor gives his little self righteous speech.

THOR: Oh brother, you're becoming predictable. I trust you, you betray me. Round and round in circles we go. See, Loki, life is about, it's about growth. It's about change.But you seem to just wanna stay the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more.

Briefly summarized:

you suck, and I don’t think you’ll ever be worth my affection. If you want to try tho, here is your option.

Of course, to prove Thor wrong Loki is forced to resume his subservant position he had at the beginning of Thor 1. He can only ‘prove his worth’ by doing Thor’s bidding and supporting his plans. And that he does. He convinces kork and his crew to join him and brings them to Asgard where he receives his reward by Thor acknowledging him in a not-aggressive way. He even fulfills Thor’s plan, knowing that henceforth he will be blamed whenever someone remembers Asgard’s destruction. In Thor’s ‘coronation scene’ Loki stands at the side, behind the Valkyrie (yet, still at the right side. That surprised me, tbh. The ‘right hand of the King’ is a prestigious title and I didn’t believe TW would have allowed Loki that. But he’s still only second on Thor’s right.)

Anyway, Loki is back in the position he had in Thor 1 with a lot of added baggage and no Frigga to rant to when everything gets to bad. And then Thanos appears. Under Thanos Loki would suffer even more than under Thor (remember the Other’s ‘no barren moon..’ speach.) So basically he’s caught between two horrible fates.

Loki’s death scene itself has been criticized a lot and everyone knows the butterknive-discourse. It can only interpreted in two ways: either him being stupid or him being suicidal. Based on all written above and the fact that he already tried to commit suicide at the end of Thor 1, I can only believe the second to be true.

It has another point: Tom said Loki’s arc was finished. I was confused and unhappy about this statement, but now I am coming to piece with it. Tom loves Shakespeare, including Hamlet and Coriolanus. Those are tragedies. Tragedies are characterized by the protagonist being ruined because of a dramatic conflict that leaves him only two choices, one being death and one being worse. So perhaps this is his very own version of the tragedy of Loki of Asgard.

#Loki meta #long post #meins #MCU loki #anti thor ragnarok #anti taika waititi

[full-of-roman-angst-trash]

I am IMMENSELY interested in this new au. Got any other info to share?

Yes I do actually! So here is more information on all of them. Sorry this is long but I actually have a lot of ideas for this AU.

TW: Mention of eating disorders, mention of abuse, mention of drugs, suggested neglect, mention of mental disorders, mention of suicide attempt, mention of alcohol, mention of death, mention of cheating, mention of bullying. Please tell me if I missed any

For the twins

Roman is biromantic. They don't have a label for their gender but they go by they/them, fey/fem, and xe/xem.

Remus is pansexual. He is cis but very gnc.

Their older brother is actually dead thanks to their dad who is currently in jail.

Their mom was actually the one who put them in the therapy house since she feels bad for staying with their dad for as long as she did.

Roman struggles with anorexia and purging disorder.

Remus struggles with Pica eating disorder.

They both also struggle with depression, PTSD, and Imsomnia.

They have a very rocky relationship with one another. They are very protective of each other and they will do anything to make the other happy. However, at the same time they're relatively distant with each other and also fight a lot. Sometimes their fights even turn physical.

Remus's hair is green with a strand of gray

Roman also used to have their hair dyed but their too lazy to do it again. It used to be red

Janus

Genderfluid. Uses she/her, he/him, zie/hir.

Has a port wine stain birthmark on his face.

Is a kleptomaniac and also has a history of vandalism.

Since his parents aren't exactly the wealthiest or most responsible, he has been "homeschooled" his whole life. So Remy basically taught him almost everything he knows.

He likes to mostly stay in the background and only speaks when he has to.

Very manipulative and cunning.

Doesn't like his step-mom, aka Remy's mom, because his dad cheated on his mom with her.

His relationship with his step-mom gets worse after she put both him and Remy into the therapy house.

Wants to be closer to Remy but doesn't know how to do so.

Doesn't trust any of the others in the beginning and is very hostile to them.

Suspected to have ADHD but refuses to get diagnosed.

Has a snake tattoo on his left arm.

Remy

Gay and Cisgender.

Struggles with Narcolepsy and Bigorexia.

Drinks way too much caffeine to try and self treat his Narcolepsy. His teeth are actually stained from how much caffeine he has drank.

Doesn't like Janus that much but still takes care of him.

Very passive aggressive and condescending.

Has an older sister however he doesn't see her often since she's in another country.

Very smart which makes him very opinionated.

Doesn't like being told what to do and is relatively stubborn.

Has long hair which is currently dyed gray.

Logan

Has Narcissistic personality disorder and anger issues.

Also struggles with Orthorexia

Has a long history of fighting and lying.

Very smart which sometimes makes him slack off since he doesn't think certain things are worth his time.

Knows multiple languages.

Got his NPD from his mom.

Was raised by his single mother. Doesn't know who his dad is.

Since his mom is often working, he and Emile were often home alone. When she found out about their behavioral problems, she put them in the therapy house.

Emile

Gender? Yes. Goes by all pronouns. Demiromantic

Was put in an adoption center when she was 6 after her parents got arrested for possessing drugs and fraud charges.

He was bullied at school after it was rumored that he was gay and an orphan.

Also got bullied a lot in the adoption center and the staff was very harsh.

Met Logan in middle school and was later adopted by Logan's mom.

Struggles with dependent personality disorder so they tend to be very clingy. Clings to Logan a lot.

Has a lot of fears, most of which are animals.

Really wants to dye his hair pink but Logan won't let him.

Virgil

Cis and aroace.

Has Schizoid personality disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.

Has claustrophobia, emetophobia and hemophobia

A very picky eater and separates most of their food.

Was put in the therapy house by one of his siblings, apparently having been too high maintenance for them.

Hates his family especially his siblings but won't clarify why.

Flinches a lot which has led many of the others to think he was abused.

Dyed the tips of his hair purple.

Patton

Trans, MTF. Goes by she/her.

Has ADHD and Psychosis. Her psychosis is due to her sleep deprivation caused by ADHD.

Has a habit of refusing to take her meds. Often pretending to take them and then spitting them out.

She is often the first person awake and tends to wake up everyone else.

If not reminded, she will forget to do things like shower, eat, drink water, etc.

Very protective of all the others but is also very critical of them.

Both of her parents are alcoholics. They have even forced her to drink multiple times.

Was put in the therapy house after both of her parents decided that they didn't want to deal with her anymore.

Thomas

Cis and gay

Owner of the therapy house.

Tries to take care of all the others as much as he can

Constantly comes close to having a heart attack thanks to the others

Has had to break up many fights.

Doesn't allow any sharp stuff in the house. Anything like knives are locked away, hidden in his room.

Also has the other's medications locked in his room after the twins once tried to OD on them.

Took down the mirror in the restroom for both safety and mental health reasons.

Tired and not paid enough™️

#i answer stuff #sparrow!! #thanks for the ask! #roman sanders #ts roman #virgil sanders #ts virgil #remus sanders #ts remus #logan sanders #ts logan #patton sanders #ts patton #janus sanders #ts janus #sanders sides au #new au

[avesblues2]

Thanks. Basically, because I'm super lonely and depressed and have been for some time now, I got a habit of talking to dudes online to fill the void in me. I've had a bunch of disastrous and failed online "relationships" and I swore I'd never do it again because I'd always end up heartbroken but I had a mental breakdown like 3 months ago and met another dude that night who I've talked to on and off since. Things have been super rocky between us to say the least and I decided to cut him off for good a couple days ago because I have too many mental issues to have a normal, healthy friendship and I keep acting out for attention and purposely starting drama. I've been emotionally abusive towards him and I don't trust myself to cut it out. It got to the point where I even pretended I overdosed on pills and was dying while on the phone with him.. he cried and stayed up with me all night. I'm super ashamed of my behavior. He called me a narcissistic psychopath during one argument we had and that's when I realized I need to leave him alone. He went off on me accusing me of abandoning him and calling me a fake friend when I explained to him why we needed to stop talking, despite him telling me to fuck off before if I wouldn't stop my toxic behavior because the friendship obviously wouldn't work, and now idk what to do. I see it as me doing him a favor but he doesn't seem to get it, despite everything I put him through. I feel backed into a corner because he said he "wants his friend back". He asked for permission to check up on me once in a while and I said that was ok, but idk if we can ever be friends again. Things have been super hard lately because I have to come to terms with being completely alone again and not speaking to him and I've been feeling suicidal because I got really attached like always. Do you have any advice for me? I'm aware I need professional help which I'm going to get eventually, but like I said I just feel beyond terrible lately and really alone with all of my problems. I try to cry out to God when the anxiety and pain is too much but I still feel super stressed and overwhelmed with life. Thank you and I'm sorry this was so long.

Don’t ever apologize for reaching out to someone!

I think the fact that you are reaching out and recognize your behavior is a great start that many people don’t even reach, so don’t be to hard on yourself.

In terms of you saying you go out and look for attention and talk to the guys to fill a void, I feel that is many women nowadays who lack a relationship with Christ. I used to be that way during my freshmen year of college. I know the feelings you are feeling. I too felt isolated, alone, talked to guys to fill a void and seek attention from them and found myself entering toxic relationships because I was just looking for somebody, anybody. It took me almost the whole semester and a little bit more to overcome this.

The best thing to do is first, I think it is wise to cut off unhealthy and toxic relationships, not just for you but for the other person as well. The reason you may feel attached is because you may lack confidence in your singleness and have low self-esteem-that’s how it was for me. One thing I did that helped me become more confident in my singleness was to find a hobby I really enjoyed. I started mountain biking and running. Running helped fill in the gaps I felt was missing and mountain biking gave me peaceful time alone in nature to be away from my phone and the noisy world. If you can, I suggest trying to pick a hobby that is outdoor centered or allows you to be outdoors more. It is seriously amazing what the sun and fresh air can do for your physical and mental state. Remember, our body is all connected so how you physically feel will translate into your mental state as well and vice versa. Filling your time doing activities that give your purpose really builds up your self confidence! And until you build up that self confidence you may relapse in trying to filling this emptiness by talking to men.

Now, that’s just a temporary cure to a deeper issue, that void you feel will NEVER be filled unless you fill it with Jesus. Ask yourself, how many times a week are you spending alone time with the Lord and reading His word? It’s stated that those who read the Bible at least 4 days a week have a greater and stronger relationship with Christ. Why is that? When you aren’t filling your mind, body and soul with God the world is filling those voids for you.

“Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him… 17 The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.—1 John 2:15-17

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.—Romans 12:2

What does renewing your mind mean? It means spending time in prayer and in God’s word. When you don’t renew your mind, you become further and further from God’s voice, the world drowning out His voice telling you lies like “he isn’t listening, he isn’t doing anything” when really it’s you who isn’t listening and you who isn’t opening the door to let Him in. Are you truly surrendering to His will and wisdom? I suggest starting with proverbs to gain wisdom! 2 Timothy tells us 7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline- the spirit gives us power, confidence but when we don’t renew our mind and feed our spirit guess what replaces that? Shame, fear, anxiety, loneliness. If you don’t download the Bible app and try out some Bible study plans! You can search any topic and start a plan! This is where I started and it was life changing to indulge in God’s word and also, God’s community, are you part of a church? If not I suggest you perhaps start looking. We aren’t meant to do life alone friend! Community is everything!

Also, we become like those who we hang around. “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”—1 Corinthians 15:33

Are you surrounding yourself with people who are dragging you down or uplifting you?

Don’t ever feel ashamed for reaching out and feel free to keep messaging me if you need too! Know that you have a community in Christ and God wants good things for your life, you just have to listen to Him and the way you do that is read His word, with open ears and open heart and with repentance and sincerity. He will answer you and guide you.

#asks

[mbti-notes]

I've been looking back at my romance life and I think there's a pattern of being attracted to narcissists? In your experience, what's the fastest way to tell that someone is a narcissist? I really don't want to love someone like that again. It's so hurtful to me. - ESFJ

There are degrees of narcissism and two distinct subtypes of narcissism (that are currently known and agreed upon). Narcissism is personality dysfunction, which means that anyone with a personality can display some narcissistic tendencies at times, with the most severe or extreme cases being labeled as a personality disorder. To avoid confusion, I usually use terms like self-centered or egotistical to describe milder cases. You haven't provided any detail as to the degree or type of narcissism that you're used to dealing with. In other words, I don't know exactly what you mean when you call someone a "narcissist", so I’m not clear about the traits/qualities that you are wanting to identify in people.

The details matter because laypeople tend to confuse narcissism and psychopathy when describing socially problematic behavior. While the two have some overlap in surface features, they are not the same in underlying psychology. Psychopaths lack empathy largely due to neurological deficits in emotional functioning, which makes it difficult for them to understand why manipulating, deceiving, or exploiting people is wrong, so moral development is severely hampered as a result. Narcissists don't lack empathy in the same way as psychopaths, rather, they fail to develop empathy due to being utterly consumed by their own emotional problems. It’s not yet clear whether narcissists also have their own unique neurological impairments. It may be that the emotional problems have some neurological component that incidentally interferes with normal empathy development. Narcissists suffer from self-esteem, self-image, hypersensitivity, and/or shame issues, and their extreme self-focus makes it difficult if not impossible for them to really see others. Narcissists, at heart, want to be admired in order to keep their illusory self-concept intact, so they generally only manipulate, lie, or exploit as necessary to feel better about themselves (i.e. not necessarily because they are ruthless or sadistic).

There are several aspects of your type that might make you prone to this pattern of attraction. These are things to be aware of and work on for your personal growth and well-being:

1) Taking initial impressions at face value: How do you know if this is a problem? You often get surprised by and/or confused about people acting in ways that you really don't expect. Healthy EFs tend to be naturally trusting and give people the benefit of the doubt. This is an admirable quality that facilitates quick relationship progress. However, this quality can also be used against you because it makes you slow to detect the warning signs that someone is not what they first presented to you. When someone puts on a false face to gain your trust, it's hard to suss out the truth of who they are. This makes it necessary to wait until their true face starts to come through in more obvious ways. If there is concrete evidence of troubling or suspicious behavior, don't dismiss it. For example, narcissists tend to be unreasonably pushy or deeply insecure, so they only really care about getting you to fulfill their needs or prop them up. Be skeptical for a time and collect more facts about them. People are complicated, especially when they have suffered psychological damage that produced the narcissism. What you first see is not always what you get, so allow enough time for the whole truth to reveal itself. In ESFJs, this caution, patience, and attentiveness is achieved with proper Si development.

2) People pleasing: How do you know if this is a problem? You often feel as though you give more than you get in return from your relationships. Healthy Fs tend to be kind and willing to go above and beyond to help. It's a virtue. However, this can be used against you when your help is not properly appreciated and even exploited by people who don't care about your well-being. It makes you feel good to be helpful, so it's easy for someone to draw you in by making you feel like they really need you (reflect on whether you have a savior complex). Remember that YOU have needs and desires too, and if someone loves you, they should be more than willing to reciprocate your gestures of care, support, and helpfulness. One of the biggest warning signs that a relationship is bad for you? The other person doesn't care about your needs and only knows to take from you. If they're manipulative, they might claim to repay your kindness "one day" but, somehow, that day never seems to come or what they "give" you is always something inconsequential to them, an empty gesture to placate you. Healthy relationships must have a sense of equality - being in it together, working together, sacrificing together, etc. If you don't feel that, it should give you pause. In ESFJs, discontent is felt through Si, so you must be in touch with it and listen to it.

3) Fantasizing: How do you know if this is a problem? You spend a lot of mental time and energy reminding yourself of people's "redeeming" qualities and/or their "potential" (to become who you know they can be), not realizing that you're consistently downplaying their negative qualities and the many times that they've failed to be what you hoped they would be. Healthy EFs tend to be romantics because they really enjoy all those positive feelings of courtship and being in love. Once you've "fallen" into those feelings, you are heavily invested in the relationship's success, and you're no longer objective about the other person, since all you see when you look at them are your own romantic hopes and dreams. Love is one of the great gifts of being human. But it's important to know the difference between love and fantasy. Love isn't about finding the perfect soulmate and getting lost in them. Love is about two people learning to come together in a way that is complementary and beneficial to both parties. It can be hard work to really get to know someone, to bridge the differences, to connect. But you won't be doing that hard work if you're more interested in taking up residence at la la land. In ESFJs, this means avoiding misuse of Ne.

You ask for the "fastest" way to tell if someone is a narcissist? At the end of the day, a narcissist only hears what they want to hear and they never really hear you. Therefore, 1) always speak the uncomfortable truths out loud, and 2) always make sure that your needs and desires are equally elevated in the relationship. Then see what happens.

#esfj #esfj relationships #red flags #manipulation #narcissism #relationships #dating #love #auxiliary si #ask

[intersex-ionality]

I think you're assuming too much good faith when you're stating that narcissism as a concept is distinct from NPD. Just because you don't conflate them doesn't mean that other people don't. People aren't just calling tyrants toxically selfish, they quite literally demanded #diagnoseTrump (with NPD, to prove he was unfit for office). Many of the "resources for survivors of narcissistic abuse" explicitly name-drop cluster B PDs as well, or list the DSM criteria of npd and bpd as signs of abuse.

Okay, I’ve decided that out of the anons I got yesterday, this one is probably a legitimate attempt to converse. You got the bad luck of being surrounded on all sides by death threats, hate mail, and general chicanery. While I’ve tried to calm myself down so that I can engage with you fairly, please try to forgive my if I get a bit acidic here.

Before we begin, I want to re-center the fact that this discussion was about whether the word “narcissist” should be dropped from the English language.

The “diagnose trump” movement was an ableist shitstorm. And that’s not the same thing as just using the word narcissist in casual conversation. The word came way before the diagnosis. The diagnosis is named after the word, not the other way around. And the word continues to have perfectly valid, non-diagnostic utility, as well as to simply be a common word.

Ableist movements that try to simultaneously claim that evil men are evil because they are sick, that sick people are all evil, and that being sick means you cannot be trusted, therefore anyone who cannot be trusted is sick? They’re conflating a harmless word, a harmless group of people, and massive scale war crimes. Something like “diagnose trump” was functionally trying ti both punish him for crimes, and simultnaeously, absolving him of any guilt for those crimes. It was a chaotic blame-shifting mess than hinged entirely on the idea that mentally ill people are monsters.

And a movement that hinges on calling the mentally ill all monsters, is abelist by definition.

But saying that those movements mean the word must be retired also conflates the word with the group of people.

This is not to suggest that the latter reinforces the former. Rather, both rely on inappropriately ascribing sameness to very different things.

And hey, maybe just making people stop saying “narcissist” would have some degree of positive impact. If you believe that, and you want to focus your activism towards that, I’m not going to be the one to stop you! Do as you like and as you will!

But it is not and will never be what I want to do with my own activism. I have other projects, goals, and actions that I am always going to prioritize over that.

If I spend my time saying, “you can’t ever say the word narcissist because it’s a medical term,” then when someone says sociopath instead, I need to now expand it to, “you can’t ever say the words narcissist or sociopath because […],” and so when someone says, psycho, I need to expand it again, “you can’t ever say the words sociopath, narcissist, or psycho […],” and when someone says, delusional I have to expand again, and when someone says crazy, I have to expand again. I will never stop expanding the list, and it will not only be a waste of my time, but it will become increasingly difficult to impossible for my audience to remember all the fine details of that ever-expanding list.

As such, I choose to focus on other kinds of writing. To say, “self-centeredness is a completely common, human trait that most people have, and it can drive people–especially people with a lot of power–to act in ways that are careless of the others around them, or the others living under their power. So, when someone is behaving carelessly, self-centeredly, that’s worth criticizing, worth stopping. People in power who make the conscious choice to harm others should have everything that gives them that power and enables that harm taken from them.

“In contrast, mentally ill people don’t choose to be mentally ill. And those compulsions can cause them to act in ways that are on the surface similar to the violent behaviour of tyrants and abusers, but those behaviours are not choices. They cannot be approached in the same way. Mentally ill people require the support to help them control their compulsions and to help them avoid situations which would set off those behaviours.

“Where evil and powerful people must have things taken to resolve the problem, mentally ill people must instead have things given–namely help and accommodation–to resolve the problem. Since these two groups require two very different approaches, one should not suggest that they are interchangeable. Rather than claiming people in power are incapable of being decent, acknowledge their choices as fucked up. Rather than suggesting mentally ill people are de-facto monstrous, acknowledge that they simply need accommodations that they often aren’t receiving, to help them deal with the internal stresses of mental illness.”

That way, I only have to make that explanation once, and it applies to every single use of mental illness as an insult. I can link back to it, and move on to other things, instead of repeating the same discussion for every new variation. It equips my audience with the skills necessary to examine any new slag or vocabulary that pops up and make an informed choice about the implications of those words without me needing to make a new bullet point and add it to a list of inviolate rulings. People who look at that explanation, who come to understand it, will make their own choices about what language to use.

But most of them will shy away from using obviously diagnostic language such as “psychopathy,” and will also has the tools to differentiate between harmless uses of overlapping terms, from manipulative attempts to conflate a group of mentally ill people with a group of violent criminals. They’ll be better equipped to understand the difference between someone saying, “my ex-boyfriend was so narcissistic, always getting on my case about my clothes/figure/hair making him look bad, so we broke up,” and saying, “my mother beat the shit out of me any time I did something that disappointed her; but hey, you know how narcissists are.”

For me, that’s more appealing, efficient communication and the more appealing final goal. It lets me focus on other things, like considering angles and details I had not previously considered on old subjects, or learning about new subjects.

That’s not going to be the case for everyone or every situation. Sometimes I don’t feel like making a big old explanation, so I ask the people around me, “as a favour, could you not complain about ‘The Borderlines at Work,’ and instead just talk about, IDK, whatever specific crap they pulled, instead?”

But this blog is a public space. I’m a private citizen, but I make these posts to have a public discussion on a public platform. So I write them for a public audience. I don’t want to ask personal favours of that audience. They have no reason to grant those favours, even if I did ask.

Different audiences, along with different situations, require different tactics.

#I'm just. I'm just waiting at this point for the inevitable discourse about whether the word splitting should be banned #I mean we already had the discourse about how if you say Special Interest you're actually a monster and you should only ever say Hyperfixat #please please just kill me honestly #Anonymous #PDs /

[wandabherrera]

Love Me, Want Me, Need Me!

The title should establish the pace for what we're going to talk about, so here we proceed to how about we have a good time!

Narcissism Is it just me, or has our general public become progressively, narcissistic? Up until the previous few years, I truly hadn't heard this word utilized previously. In any case, to get the ball rolling, a portion of its implications are expressed beneath from the online source, Wikipedia:

Narcissism is a term with a wide scope of implications, contingent upon whether it is utilized to depict a focal idea of psychoanalytic hypothesis, a psychological instability, a social or social issue, or basically a character characteristic. Besides in the feeling of essential narcissism or solid confidence, "narcissism" as a rule is utilized to portray some sort of issue in an individual or gathering's associations with self as well as other people. In ordinary discourse, "narcissism" frequently implies swelled affectedness, pretention, vanity, arrogance, or basic self-centeredness. Applied to a gathering of people, it is now and then used to mean elitism or an apathy to the situation of others. In brain research, the term is utilized to portray both typical self esteem and undesirable self-assimilation because of an unsettling influence in the self-appreciation.

Well, OK, that essentially summarizes everything isn't that right? That is to say, take a gander at those terms above, do you realize individuals like this? All things considered, shockingly they appear to spring up wherever you look. Nonetheless, to be reasonable here, we as a whole have a tad of narcissism in each one of us, isn't that right? That is to say, sure, most have shivered at the prospect of having our image in the paper, on the TV, put over the cinema, or our names on paper so anyone might see for themselves. It's simply common to see the value in it when somebody gives us a pat on the back, discloses to us that whatever we're doing is having an effect in the existences of others. Or on the other hand possibly we're only OK with ourselves, knowing who we really are. Indeed, it's just human instinct when something, or somebody causes us to feel much improved. In any case, when self-advancement, pomposity, and love-of-self rule somebody's character, all things considered, there lies the issue.

At the point when somebody is narcissistic, there attributes are so effectively distinguished they should drape a sign on their backs in intense, red letters saying, "Love me, need me, need me!" They stroll with a specific disposition and strut, realizing beyond any doubt that the world ought to consistently be spinning around them. Having said this, permit me to give you a portion of my perceptions from 49 years of living:

Narcissistic individuals not just profoundly love themselves, they consistently need others to feel something tolerating, tolerating nothing less. They should have that feeling or they will in general get exceptionally disturbed like little voices running inside a kindergarten jungle gym - would you be able to say, "Spoiled Hollywood Celebrity, Corrupt Politician, Greedy Corporate CEO, Cocky Sports Figure, or Fame-Obsessed Housewives of Wherever?" They urgently need your endorsement and are nauseated when they don't get it. They should feel like they're focused at the center of attention, reluctant to acknowledge even the smallest flaw or analysis from others. They love the mirror, the camera, their appearance, and their accomplishments regardless of how huge or little. Some are bizarrely noisy and ruling in discussions (both one-on-one and particularly among gatherings). Their conclusions are God-like and gospel, and not open for translation. Heaps of them are bigots, and possibly provide for others less-lucky if there's something in it for them (picture in the paper, and so on) On the off chance that somebody they know gets any sort of awards, consideration, karma, or favorable luck they either twist in a fetal ball or rapidly center their inclinations back around themselves. They essentially can't deal with sitting quiet while others succeed, on any level, and they have outrageous trouble working under an immediate control or authority. They should be the manager in light of the fact that nobody can at any point improve. Some even go as far as lying, and disparaging others trying to take their prosperity and dispirit their character so they seem prevalent. Lawmakers are aces at this, we see it ordinarily all through the wireless transmissions.

In case you're associated with any sort of relationship with a narcissistic individual (marriage, fellowship, business partner, and so on) consider how a plunk down lunch with them would go. Would the discussion be adjusted? At the end of the day, would both of you express thoughts, and remarks about one another, 50/50? Or then again would the words being verbally expressed be 99% about them? The most straightforward approach to advise is to utilize a slack in the discussion to say something, anything, about you or others in your life. Would they draw in, or circle the words toward them once more? Would they rapidly get disturbed, in any event, turning to censuring you to shoot the vibe great adrenaline back somewhere inside their veins? Is it true that they were on their PDAs messaging, in any event, talking, while at the same time looking at their watches in light of the fact that their time is significantly more significant and important than yours, at any rate, in their eyes? Is it safe to say that you were the one looking out for them for lunch, knowing through history that they were in every case late? In any event, during everyday connection, do they invest the energy to really converse with you on the telephone, or is correspondence rigorously restricted to text's and messages? Do they have outrage issues when being addressed, or requested to accomplish something they feel is underneath them? Is it true that they are fixated on looking better (heaps of plastic medical procedure, and so on), advancing their self-conceded excellence at whatever point given the opportunity? Do they persistently experience difficulty associating with others on an individual level, continually putting the fault and deficiency on the contrary party when things go off to some far away place? Is it accurate to say that they are hyper-serious, plunging towards sorrow when they lose at anything? Do they loathe dismissal of any shape, example, or structure? It is safe to say that they are difficult to if it's not too much trouble, regardless of how enthusiastically you attempt?

Getting the image here?

Narcissistic characters are executing our general public's essentials. We see it all the time on TV, the web, and in the work environment with voices yelling back attempting to cause us to feel unimportant and minor. So why have their numbers filled as of late, and where does this sort of conduct come from? Many trust it begins during youth, and the believing is (from perusing loads of brain science) that parental childhood has a huge impact. In the event that a youngster is spoiled, given all that he/she at any point requests, is rarely told "no," is overprotected, shielded, or even mishandled it can prompt a befuddled condition, subsequently, narcissism as a rule follows. A lot of this isn't simply the people shortcoming, yet how they act during adulthood is the manner in which they decide to carry on, once in a while not willing to abandon their juvenile instabilities.

I've had the favorable luck of meeting some effective individuals who positively had resumes which could uphold being a narcissist. Nonetheless, humbleness was their overwhelming characteristic. Regardless of their popularity or fortune, they generally conveyed on a level battleground with myself, as well as other people. They didn't require the recognition, or slap-on-the-back appreciation to traverse the day. Maybe, they let their work and accomplishments communicate everything, making liking them undeniably more simple and willing.

As expressed above, I think at some time, we've all been somewhat liable of being narcissistic in some capacity. In any case, deciding to be modest and unassuming is by a long shot, substantially more alluring.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

7:29am.

Real crackhead shit... AHH!

Monday, February 24th of 2020.

Monday is my Friday, so I'm about to get active as fuck for today. 💕

What's the haps, yall:

I'm still mad about the beautifully detailed post I wrote on here that never got posted.... @staff this is why your app is fucking dead

I had some angsty days over my most recent relationship. I'm deciding to be 100% self-centered, as an act of self care, since its not like nigga cared about my feelings anyway. So its not like I'm gonna be the most politically correct person by saying "He really could've prevented so much shit". Plus, I'm honestly not in the mood to beat myself up over things. Other people can do that for me. So I still maintain the right to be as narcissistic as I choose, if it helps me cope, and does not hurt anybody.

Had to block a mutual I've known for a few years for disagreeing with me over it. She somehow miscontrued a post that was blatantly "I wish we communicated better, I wish things never got violent, and I especially wish he trusted me, lying just made the whole situation into what he was afraid would happen", into "I'm blaming him for getting hit".... Bitch, its MY hand. He did choose the literal worst way to go about things, (no one reasonable would go "i better act as coldly and two faced as possible to avoid getting slapped," but, hes stupid and wasnt honest about shit that he felt before so shit happened dude,) BUUUUUUT, that doesn't excuse violence. I'm not out here doing the nae nae over the fact that I was becoming the very aggressive and hostile person that I definitely never wanted to be. No one's doing the splits over abusing an ex post breakup. I was extreeeeemely offended, aaaaaaand bitch got blocked. Then she got mad about being blocked..... shes so dramatic.

All I can say that if you don't wanna get attacked by a rhino, don't throw rocks at it. (Note: I am not a rhino, I am a human being that can also handle the way I react to situations.... I can't change the past, but I can aim to do better. So, I will, promise.) I still uphold the belief that if you're feeling intimidated or anxious, then voicing your problems or thoughts goes a lot better.... I just wish he was honest, man. If he told me straight up any of the many things he didn't tell me that night, just to tell me on the phone before, I would have understood and compromised. Or wanted to make them comfortable. It's a shame that things didn't go as easily as we'd hoped. I said several times that all I wanted was honesty, and that I wanted to just ask him questions as if it was gonna be our last time seeing eachother, to finalize things, and not result in me repeatedly contacting him over "what if" questions I had that never get answered.... And I explained in depth how it would have done more good for me and him, just to say whats gotta be said and leave out. He didn't listen..... And frankly, a girl who cuts you off due to your inconsistency emotionally, repeatedly leading her on, and lack of care for her feelings, and putting no effort towards any resolutions, will HATE, when you go "Oh I only said I wanted to kiss you that night, to be a fuckboy. I have no romantic interest in you, and didn't see any hope for us. At all. Whatsoever. And no, I refuse to answer any questions you have"....... When he literally agreed for me to uber all the way to his house, for the sole purpose of actually having a deep talk with me. I'm not proud of my actions, but I see why I did them. No one else needs to, since it's my experience. And if nigga even so much as gave talking a chance, instead of hiding his feelings and fears..... The night could've gone so differently. Or at least, its what i would've hoped.

I feel slightly not so great about cutting off Nevaeh, but its not like we were best friends. She has her own life to focus on. And, i have some toxic shit to allow to blow over before I consider myself to be healthy again.

Not sure how I feel about my ex. Not thinking about it is better. Instead of thinking, "God, he fucked me over", all I can do is go, "I know better, and I can at least say I gave things a chance." He was so keen on ending things, even if it meant lying his ass off. I hate him for it. God..... Anyway, I'll miss elements, but I'll certainly not miss the way he saw so little in me. I don't appreciate men hiding their feelings from me, nor making simple shit extremely difficult. Fuck that. Move on.

As I got off work last night, Adrian messaged me to hang out. Considering that I have a diva cup up my pussy and was happy to know that I could get a ride home without a dude feeling entitled to sex, (i dont play that shit,) i agreed. It was nice, honestly. It's a little sad, realizing how difficult I've been taking in the things around me lately. All it took was maybe a three hour long hangout where I showed the dude my city lake, ate skittles in his car, and talked about random shit to make me realize.... "Wow, I really am emotionally starved."

Getting out of a 3 to 5 month long relationship where I was fishing for breadcrumbs definitely had me fucked UP. I still am.... Not great, when a dude goes from liking you a lot to seeing you as a pocket pussy, and unworthy of bare minimum intimacy he was happily dishing out before...... But, Adrian was chill to talk to. Idle talk, Skittles, and just joking around a bit or talking about how things have been within the year we had last seen eachother.

It's kinda odd, knowing that a year from today or whatever, this same dude had a nose ring, longer hair, a Golf Wang stan, and pretty much gave me obnoxiously amazing sex, (i saw God from the type of dick he had given me,) before inexplicably dumping me off like a week old Hot Pocket. And I think he did cocaine? I wouldn't be surprised. College students.... be like that.

And a year ago, I was like, desperate for his attention and hung onto my phone, just, waiting till I got a text back. Like a simp!

But fast forward to last night, where I checked my texts, and saw a day old message from him at 1am, and frankly went, "What the fuck does this nigga want?", with a frown on my face.

Now THAT'S what I call self progress.

The dude who blew my back out and had me dickmatized a year ago is now un-party-obsessed, and seems less prone to do shrooms during a hailstorm for shits and giggles. A lot more mature. Decent acting.

I'm still sus about why he wants to come back????????

Since..... Okay, I was gonna say, "its not like I would hit up a one night stand and ask them to suddenly be my friend again", buuuuut I probably have done that in the past before........... Its a new decade and a new me, my self esteem from pre-Summer 2019 is a part of me that no longer exists. Just fyi.

BUT, I can't fathom why a taken dude would hit up his one night stand to suddenly be besties. Especially after ending on such terrible terms....

How does one go from "Stay the fuck away from me, I have no interest in being around you whatsoever", to "Hey, wanna hang out tonight?", without sex being the main factor?

I don't know. And probably shouldn't even bother thinking about it too much. Niggas are unpredictable, and still predictable. So if he ends up being my new late night car vibing buddy and we just eat Skittles and talk about horror movies coming out, then sure. If he ends up just trying to pull a Slow Burn Hoe on me? Only time will tell if it works.

I kinda left the "hook up with another girl's boyfriend" market ages ago. Ages as in, at the start of last summer.... But, still a long time since then right?????

It's also odd knowing how each time I did inform a girl of their man cheating, they took it out on *me* and stayed with the guy? Oh excuse me, its not like I'M the one messaging your man about wanting to slurp HIS pussy like a wild dog eating a can of baked beans. Check your fucking MAN.

Just to stay with the guy, and I think, "So I really could've just let him do something and she'd keep him? Wow. Its almost like I should've just done it, if there would be no consequences either way past her shading me....."

(Like that time my friend in high school, Audrey, didn't believe me when I mentioned her boyfriend trying to "cyber" with me.... What weirdo tries to do sext roleplay with unprovoked women in high school???? Anyway, she frankly didn't believe me, or bother to see my proof. He then cheated on her constantly. With many many different girls. And oh, look who's all shocked NOW, hearing that her aint shit boyfriend was trying to fuck her younger sister's friend? I don't feel sorry for her now, but I had a little sympathy for her lovewhipped ass back then.....)

All that ever got me was some gossip, and the nihilistic wisdom of, "She won't leave him anyways, so why not just bang him if she'd just not believe you or care either way?"

And the reasons not to do that, are:

STDs. For some, not a game ender. But for me, I prefer not to have that risk, and think I look much cuter without any potential loser with sex addiction or chlamydia trying to risk it all for a quick nut like that.

Karma. I wouldn't want my own boyfriend(s) doing that shit. Sure, one can't stop a cheater from cheating, but if every woman in the world collectively went "I don't fuck taken men, sorry", then there would be less to worry about. Gotta stick to girl code, yknow? And if a dude still wants to cheat, then i guess he and his homies gotta go Greek and Roman then.... Get the olive oil, lather up your bros for your boys night I guess.

At the end of the day, I will still be single. Better to be single with the knowledge that a man liked me, but I didn't give in to them and have them promptly lose interest, in the same way they "lost interest" for their girlfriend. Better to be single and cocky, than single and cocked up, with nothing to show for it.

So with all that said, the night was still just platonic and vibing. Not sure I wanna say more, but just glad to have a good time with friendly company to take my mind off things.

I'll miss Patrick, but things change.

8:22am. Peace out.

#how is she doing #patrick is really cute but the main thing is no sense of appreciation or trust for me in his life #so i guess itll just have to be an adrian situation until he one day goes and returns #old him was better #anyway yeah