#but in therapy tonight

[baconandvibrators]

In the face of the violent transphobia I have decided to live as well and healthily as possible and my current focus is my physical health. I think I’m about ready to scare some transphobia in to shutting the fuck up.

#a work in progress #but definitely progress #mental health was the first focus #but in therapy tonight #i realized I had dealt with all the fires between sessions #on my own and in a healthy way #like at this point my therapist is essentially #a friend who is stable enough for me to fully vent to #though we do gotta work on some big past shit #but that’s for another day #today I’m just here #feeling myself #for the first time in a long time #hate being complimented on being skinny #cause that’s always a result of poor health #but being strong is something else #makes me feel good and like myself #queer #trans #non-binary #enby #my posts

[shitouttabuck]

“I’ll be honest—when Bobby first brought you on board, I told him he should just get a Dalmatian instead.”

#ive had the weirdest day. and my situationship from last summer just got engaged #after ending things w me the day after my dog died bc grief was ‘too serious too fast’ and now she’s engaged ! #am happy for her we’re friends glad she found the right amount of seriousness even if it was in under a year but 😭 ow a little #and then my therapist cancelled our session tonight so #instead of committing to hysterics i did this 🥰 and u know what. better than therapy #sorry for that extreme oversharing. it’s been a Day #911 #buddie #evan buckley #i love you like a dog #mine

[boyfriendgideon]

thinking tonight about the bruce wayne that went through horrific trauma and decided he would never be unprepared again, that he would prevent as much pain as possible from occurring to others in the future. the bruce wayne that saw a boy who had been orphaned, recognized his rage and his hurt, and decided to help however he could. the bruce wayne that looked at a kid jacking his tires and wondered if he could use something to eat. the bruce wayne who doesn’t know how to leave well enough alone. the bruce wayne that started keeping lollipops in his tool belt to calm down and distract kids. the bruce wayne who loves his city fiercely, who wants things to be better than they are and fights to make them that way, both day and night. the bruce wayne who funds social programs and leads with compassion whenever he can. the bruce wayne who wants his kids to be happier and better than he is. the bruce wayne who doesn’t work alone, who’s best friends with superman. the bruce wayne with routines and habits and plans and backup plans. the bruce wayne with layers. the bruce wayne who is awkward and paranoid and angry and protective and traumatized and loving and strong and brave and relentless. the bruce wayne who is so, so imperfect, but loves, even when a part of him wishes he wouldn't. 

#i am not a bruce wayne stan but. #sometimes he makes me :'))))) #just. at the heart of his character there's so much. #bruce wayne go to therapy challenge. bruce wayne stop getting written as an alpha male solo hero power fantasy challenge. #bruce wayne stop getting written as someone who would hit his kids challenge. u guys I get so mad #i have such complicated feelings about him but tonight is an appreciation night you're welcome #bruce wayne #dc comics #batfam #batman #batman meta #bruce wayne character analysis #mine #wes.txt

[strawglicks]

Misty isn't selfish for wanting friendship with toons.

Misty is selfish for her lack of consideration of toons, their feelings, their perspective. She only focuses on herself and how she has been hurt.

She feels hurt by Bessie's actions, claiming "there was no reason" for her to do such a thing. But toons and cogs are at WAR. Bessie didn't see Misty, she saw a COG approaching her and retaliated. She did not see them as an individual, she saw them as the enemy that's been terrorizing and colonizing their land. And rightfully so.

That being said, Misty did not have ill intentions approaching Bessie. Because of this, they feel hurt that she responded in such a violent way. Misty can feel hurt, but they need to understand why toons feel the way they do towards cogs. They are at WAR. And Misty just doesn't seem to realize that.

She feels entitled to play with toons and garner sympathy from them despite their ongoing battle against the cogs.

It's all about "you still tried to hurt me" and "i've done nothing wrong". Misty truly believes she is the victim and thinks she's entitled to sympathy from toons. But she's not.

Misty genuinely wants friendship with toons, which is why she feels so hurt when they reject her, even if they are right in doing so. Much of her dialogue implies she really is oblivious to the gravity of this war and why the toons, obviously, don't want to engage with her:

Misty may want to befriend toons with no bad intentions, but that doesn't erase what the cogs are doing to the toons' land. And the toons are still justified in fighting Misty. She is a cog at the end of the day.

Misty is so focused on her own, personal pain that she is completely disregarding that a WAR is going on. She disregards what the toons endure due to Cogs Inc. and thinks, just because she doesn't personally hate toons, that they owe her friendship.

I think Misty is probably the main reason for the fandom's villainization of toons and woobification of the cogs. But it's not the fault of how she's written, it's the fault of people who feel bad for a character and suddenly think all their morals have to align with that character. Now, they all have to adapt to Misty's way of thinking: that she is an innocent victim who has done nothing and doesn't deserve any of the treatment she's gotten from toons, and that toons are just evil monsters who attack her for no reason.

THIS COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

You can enjoy a character, like Misty, and feel bad for her. It's obvious there is some real suffering happening here, but it does not justify her view or lack of consideration for others. They are so focused on their own pain that they never think of others. They are so focused on being the victim that no one else can be a victim.

This line of thinking is so flawed, and when a big chunk of fandom REPEATS it, it leads to wild mischaracterization and woobification of. colonizers.

You can like characters who are bad people and disagree with their actions. Misty is not a good person. I think they are suffering, they are hurting, but that cannot be the end of the story. There are others, like the toons, who are suffering and hurting as well. And that should not be erased for the sake of your blorbo. You can still love Misty while condemning her way of thinking. I do myself.

There's the opposite end as well, where people acknowledge this character is not a good person but suddenly think they have to hate the character as a whole because they are morally bad.

Misty Monsoon is very flawed as a person and suffering from her own victim mentality, which hurts others as well. But I love this character. They're fucked up and just want a friend, but they're going to need to be more considerate and aware of their own poor actions if they want to earn that friendship and respect from others. Give and take.

#toontown #toontown corporate clash #ttcc #misty monsoon #rainmaker #my big juicy brain in full effect #having misty thoughts tonight i suppose! #sick and tired of mistys treatment in fandom. i think by far she gets the worst next to chip #misty is not flat evil but they are not good either. #i dont think they wish to be a bad person but they are bc theyre so obsessed with being a victim and getting sympathy #bc they feel its the only way they can be understood and make connections with others #i hope she makes a friend one day. i also hope she massively improves herself before doing any such thing. #get therapy gurl!

[roger-paladino]

Needed to do something self indulgent

#cowboy au #Tim Wright #marble hornets #mh #barely at this point LMAO #originally was gonna be masky but I liked how his face looked so #scribbles #feeling awful tonight so yk... therapy tims

[moonilit]

Caption Kaeya in this moment

#“stfu or im making you an ice monument to this place” #genshin impact #kaeya #“Go to therapy my kid isn’t one” #“Jean is right there I know she will call tonight to check up on us IF i had to give the phone to a crying klee you two are dead” #Klee #best parent award goes to blue man #See? I told you ppl klee is very important to him and all of you thought its just a hc

[aingeal98]

Daisy: You know after having spent 25 years alone and unloved I really thought searching for my birth parents would be the only way I could find a family but you know what this team is kind of-

Daisy: OK so at least one of my team is a traitor and my birth parents are alive they're just evil monsters. Cool cool cool I am once again not feeling very safe and secure

Daisy: Oh actually wait my bio parents love me? They want me? I can make a home here mayb-

Daisy: Oh never mind my mom just tried to murder me. And my dad is still a monster but he's agreed to have his memory wiped. At least he's still breathing I guess?

Daisy: Good news is I still have my found family parents so at least-

Daisy: Aaaaand found family dad is dead. You know what this is fine as long as I just have-

Daisy:

Daisy: Universe. Universe listen to me very closely. You bring back my found family mom right fucking now. If I have all four of my parents die on me I will destroy this world just like you all said I would

Daisy: OK good. We found a nice compromise. I get to keep one parent and don't have to watch four of them die. Oh hey it's my bio mom from another timeline where she didn't get tortured into insanity and could actually love-

Daisy: Are you fucking KIDDING me.

#aos #aos spoilers #aos rambles #daisy johnson #thinking about the universe's favourite chewtoy of tragedy tonight #The narrative said losing your parents twice isn't enough we're going to have all four of them die at least once. #Your bio mom dies twice as compensation for keeping may and robot coulson #No but for real if I was her I would be convinced fate had it out for me. I would fist fight it in a parking lot #and not just for the parents deaths for the little things #the first time a parental figure tries to tell her she loves her Daisy is 27. Her mom gets knocked out before she can actually say it #it takes two more years for her to get that first i love you from coulson #the amount of tragedy and grief this one character has survived is so crazy I want to sit in on just one therapy session #just to see how deeply out of his depth the therapist is #marvel

[myafu]

I love lesbians

#katana zero #art #artists on tumblr #my art #headhunter katana zero #katana zero headhunter #snow katana zero #katana zero snow #snowhunter katana zero #*blows up* #I NEED them to become more popular please. please. #I need to become their CEO #I just. aaah. #I love them so much its impossible #i felt real bad tonight so i drew them as a therapy and it sorta helped #hashtag yuri therapy

[burntoutangel]

A worthless angel watching its human fall deeper into depravity and misery. Not even a demon temping her to fall, just human nature, and a ruined brain(more things the angel couldn’t save her from). The poor thing anxiously picking at its wings as it watches another one night stand beat its human into a bleeding sobbing orgasming mess, it’s picked away so much all its warm feathers are gone… it can’t even wrap them around its charge to keep her warm. An angel growing more and more distant from the light, losing faith in itself and the power of its overseer. An angel too full of love to fall but too pathetic and miserable to complete its tasks. Settling for cracking its halo against the wall, glad the human can’t hear the screams of pain and loss as all it’s ever known bleeds out into the waiting sky, the last traces of golden light that made it divine that made it *itself* being returned with open arms. The hollow wreck of an angel waiting on earth, wrapping its tattered and broken wings around its human, trying to take as much of her pain into itself as it can.

A human that starts to feel gentle feathers on its back

#jess is feeling a little down tonight #and this is cheaper then extra therapy sessions

[sparklyslug]

Between Therapists Wellness Hack #57: curated Spotify playlist of anime opening/closing bops from the teen years, my brain is ALIGHT RIGHT NOW

#TONIGHT TONIGHT TONIGHT BY BEAT CRUSADERS I OWE U MY LIFE #asterisk disclaimer these hacks do not replace real therapy etc etc etc etc #but a bitch can only do her best ahahaha #sparkly originals #it’s insane how many of these songs I still know word perfect #love is stored in the anime title song lyric

[andoutofharm]

we all started out as shiny dimes but we all got flipped too many times

we did it for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change

#Remember us just like this forever But this can't last won't last So make no plans and none can be broken #DO YOU LAUGH ABOUT ME WHENEVER I LEAVE OR DO I JUST NEED MORE THERAPY #dont . ask me how many times i have listened to this song in a row tonight #i promise it’s a normal amount #<- lying #fake out 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #violence.txt

[angeleirene]

I’ve been watching Barbie again, it’s been a day, and I’m gonna let myself get melancholy for a second.

Y’all remember Kate McKinnon’s ‘Weird Barbie’? Cause I fucking love and relate to her.

According to their Barbie lore, she was the most beautiful Barbie till a kid played too hard with her. Her hair was cut, burnt. Her face scratched and painted on. Her legs stretched to the extremes, till she’s almost always in the splits. As a result she was then ostracised from her community, from Barbieland. She lives alone in the mountain, she has no roles in the community, she barely comes down to town because as the Barbies said: you have to GO see weird Barbie, she doesn’t come over.

They call her ‘Weird Barbie’ both behind her back and also to her face. Stereotypical Barbie is derisive of her, she screams at the mere prospect of turning out like Weird Barbie. And then later on, she legit says “I’m just like you now, Ugly and Unwanted”, AT her. By literally all accounts she’s an outcast.

And you you what I fucking love about that? She doesn’t resent them. I’m fact, she doesn’t love them any less.

Much like how her being ‘Weird Barbie’ is common knowledge to the Barbies, It’s also common knowledge that when you’re malfunctioning or having trouble you go to Weird Barbie for help. They almost expect to receive it, which suggests she’s never actually turned anyone down from asking.

Then we see her interact with our Barbie, with Stereotypical Barbie and she’s no less loving. Margot arrives and she immediately welcomes her in, she listens to her problem. She’s kind and loving, uses affectionate terms (sidenote, she’s rekindled my love for the term BabyGirl), as well as actively using her knowledge and experience to help Margot full force. Also offers her the illusion of choice just to make the decision easier on Margot, more than once, to make the experience easier.

Even when Barbie screams in her face at the idea that they’d ever be the same or similar, she doesn’t get angry or defensive. She just frowns at the reality of others thoughts about her, but even takes the brunt of the blame from Margot “nah, I set myself up for that one”. Furthermore when they part, she tenderly holds Margot’s chin, wishing her luck, telling her “I Love You”.

She was worried, loved and believed in Barbie.

Then the Patriarchy happens and she doubles down. She goes full pink jumpsuit lesbian guerrilla warrior, she picks up Margot during her existential crisis and houses her, tries to help her, even if she couldn’t find an answer herself. Then America Ferrera, Sasha and Allen arrive and HOLY SHIT WE LEARN SO MUCH!

- She welcomes them in too, just as happy and without a hint of resentment or worry!

- She’s HOUSING THE DISCONTINUED TOYS! Sugar Daddy Ken! Magic Earring Ken! Skipper! Barbie Video Girl! Everyone else who’s been truly outcasted and practically exiled from Barbieland she jumped at the chance to house and protect!

- Even Nobel Prize winning Barbie she grabbed and tried everything she could to help her! To help all of them! The second the Patriarchy arrived she wasted no time to try and deprogram the Barbies and protect them from literal hell!

AND SHE DID! WITHOUT ANY EXPECTATION OF THANKS, OR APPRECIATION! She did so with the sole explicit hope of protecting a community of women she loved, irregardless of wether or not they loved her.

Ultimately she did get some of the desperately deserved attention she more than had earned, but she would’ve done it regardless. It leaves us with the character of a woman, who’s been hurt by extenuating circumstances way beyond her control (she was being played with), and who much like in real life, was excommunicated for the scars that said situation left. The movie doesn’t treat “being played with too hard” as trauma, but the parallel is there.

A woman who was hurt and scarred by her life experiences, which made her something different than what her society expected or accepted of her. She’s someone who’s learnt hard truths; Cellulite, nudity, pain, the patriarchy, etc. she is the wisest of them all in that sense, and who knows how much of that came from the trauma, or how much of that she learnt just to be able to help her community. Who knows how much she made her house, collected her knowledge, and built her maps and resources just to help other Barbies that might go through something similar, help them handle it better than she could.

I’m trying to verbalise it and it frustrates me that I can’t do it in a way that doesn’t feel circular but holy fudge nuggets is that both cool and heavy.

And while I can’t pretend I’ve suffered much, or been as blatantly and brutally treated as her, I do relate on some level. I’m in my early 20s (not gonna give specific age cause online) and I’ve always felt and been an outcast. Gay progressive atheist from a Christocatholic conservative Latin American country to start. Starting to build a life in my birth city and then moved at age 4. Everyone else’s families knew each other better, or longer.

Bullied ages 5 to 11. At the time it really didn’t register, and to some extent I still don’t let harassment get to me, but in reflection it was. Fuck I had to be sent on errands for the teacher once just so my entire class could get a talk on bullying and harassment and to not to. Guess who was the elephant in the room but not in the room. 7/8 year olds spill secrets easy. Then we moved again, 14k kilometres away.

Now it was a new continent, a new language. I spent 6 months in one school before moving to the next one, then another year and a half before changing programs from an English intensive program to just basic High School. Then Uni. And to add to all of that, while undiagnosed because it’s expensive, the odds I’m neurodivergent are a coin’s toss or better. And at every stage it’s felt like I’m just watching other people have friendships, through an invisible wall, trying hard to connect to them but somehow never managing.

I was the type of kid and am the type of person that’s very much touch starved, yet fucking terrified of initiating contact because if I do and it’s rejected, then It becomes clear I’m unwanted. So not doing so and keeping the mystery keeps up the hope. The type of person who sees and saw a birthday invitation as a gift in it of itself, specially if not everyone in the class was invited because then maybe I wasn’t a pity invite. Maybe then I was invited because I’m wanted, not because everyone’s invited and it would be rude to exclude me.

Yet who also is terrified of throwing a birthday party and hasn’t had one since I was 11 for a myriad of reasons: Maybe someone I thought was a friend isnt and they make it known then. Or maybe other people see the weirdo I am and leave. Or maybe because my family’s never exactly been well off, but most others were. And so I’d see other kid’s birthdays with balloons, custom cakes, party favours up the walls, games, etc. and yet who’s last birthday party consisted of a soccer ball, a grocery store cake, and bootleg video games (Latin America). And who now sees people my age throw parties in private hotel event rooms, with party buses, bar tabs in the 4 digits, tailor made cakes and special outfits for the day, while that alone would destroy my family financially. Doesn’t help that I managed to get into a Uni course packed with the loaded rich kids.

So there’s so much shame to everything, to being different, to being less, where there really shouldn’t be. So much fear of being seen, yet a desperate want to be held. And so much guilt to even make these feelings known to the people I care about because my emotional problems shouldn’t become theirs. My parents did and do that with me, but that’s a whole different rant. To the point I’m writing and posting this almost with the goal of screaming into the void where nobody can hear it, but with the hope maybe someone does.

And on the same note that I kind of relate to weird Barbie I also admire her. I admire her strength upon adversity, I admire her unconditional love to the other Barbies, and I admire how hard she tries to help everyone else. Another aspect I’m right now paralleling with my degree, hoping that maybe since I understand some of this pain, I can meet others with similar experiences and tell them all the things I wish someone told me. To give them all the things that I’m trying to give myself. That maybe if I am broken, I can make sure they’re not.

This post doesn’t really have a conclusion, just that Weird Barbie is fucking amazing and we all both need a Weird Barbie in our lives, but also remember that Weird Barbie has feelings too, and she deserves to be heard, deserves to be loved too.

#barbie #mini rant #mental health #trauma #healing #kate mckinnon #therapy #venting #I might be crying tonight #Barbie’s the best movie of the year #i love you all #in case you needed to hear it #this post was a fucking roller coaster

[yellowheartz]

Kubosai crocheting together and makes mini chibis of each other or stuff that reminds them of the other person.

#yellow talks #saiki k #kubosai #its free therapy ughhhrhehehhh #love them so much pls save me kubosai save me #studying for exams is for the WEAK tonight we fuckin grind for KUBOSAI

[chenfordspiral]

Watching that sneak peek while watching football (soccer) with my parents was NOT a good idea because it’s been ten minutes and I’m still trying to hold back my tears 😭

#chenford has seriously ruined me #and i bloody need tim to stop lying to everyone #cause the breakup has everything to do with the ray situation #ughhhh dude go to therapy (and not blaire pls) #the rookie #i probably will not survive tonight…

[uhhhhmanda]

OK, I finally finished The Devil Judge. I already had an ao3 tab open and waiting. I clicked over to it and ... 10? Just 10 fics out of 1,135 are bottom Kang Yo Han? I rarely give a fuck who penetrates who in M/M fics but am I seriously in this kind of a tiny minority when it comes to Kang Yo Han getting railed by the guy with his beloved older brother's face? The older brother he was absolutely obsessed with? It's just me and (counts on fingers) 7 other people who think he wants to hear Kim Ga On whisper in his ear while he's facedownassup "it's ok to call me hyung"????????

#i am losing my mind #i am not going to sleep tonight #but will i write my own damn fic? #LOLLLLLLLLLLL #bugs_bunny_no.gif #i have not got the brainspoons for writing atm #if i did i would though #perhaps if the frustration percolates enough it will coalesce #tears snot torn sheets gonna-need-a-lozenge-after-all-that-screaming life-altering cancel-my-therapy sex with the guy who looks just like #but sure as hell isn't #your hyung #i need to be struck by lightning #the devil judge

[lale-txt]

from edging on a panic attack throughout the train ride to standing front row during a concert of one of my fav bands within two hours wahooo

#it was only for 1-2 songs before retreating to the back again but still #the last time i stood there was almost 15 years ago #i don't talk a lot about my issues™️ here but tonight i felt really proud of myself #and i want to celebrate those small moments more instead of brushing them off #this achievement was unlocked by going to therapy 3x a week since almost a year #so it's not like i magically cured my panic disorder by breathing correctly and naming 5 things i can see 4 things i can yada yada #it's such hard work and i'm still at the very beginning of everything but damn it feels so nice to FEEL things getting better #tiny tiny things but step by step #it can get better it can get better it can get better #lale.txt