#but lol whatever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dravidious · 8 months

Note

You're really great

Found this site that has a bunch of funny quotes in it that you can easy copy paste so I dumped a ton into a text file. Here you go

Compass: I was going to suggest we do Marilyn Monroe and JFK roleplay, but I’d get way too into it. Alice: What- how? Compass: You’d be like “come to bed … Mr. President” and I’d be like, “I need to increase the amount of American military advisors in South Vietnam by a factor of 18.”

Alice: Well, Compass and I finally did it! The rest of the squad: gasps, shocked expressions, etc. Alice: That's right… We kissed!

Alice: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. Compass: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. Alice: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? Compass: Is it working?

Jamie: Is something burning? Breeze, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you. Jamie: Alice, the toaster is literally on fire.

Compass: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you? Alice: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

Jamie: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might. Breeze: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Compass: What are you in the mood for? Alice: World domination. Compass: That's a bit ambitious. Alice: You are my world. Compass: Aww… Alice: Compass: Alice: Compass: OH.

Compass: As top in this relationship, I think we should- Alice: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

Compass, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?! Alice: …What does that even mean?!

Compass: I ran into Alice in the kitchen at 1 AM last night and when I asked them what they were doing, they just shrugged, said “these are my roaming hours,” and wandered off, strumming vaguely on their guitar.

Compass: We need a plan to beat them. Alice: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food. Compass: Alice: Judge me all you want, I get results.

Breeze: If bees can be fish and boys can be girls, then why can't my dad love me? Jamie: I thought I was going to have to yell at you, but now I think I should hug you.

Breeze: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. Jamie: Wow, I've gotta hear this. Breeze: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share. Jamie: You forgot pride. Breeze: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

Breeze: We have fun, don’t we, Jamie? Jamie: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

Breeze, throwing their head into Jamie's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Jamie, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

Breeze: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window. Jamie: …We're on the ground floor. Breeze: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Jamie: Breeze, are you drinking… drinking hydrogen peroxide?! Breeze: It says H2O2! That means it’s the sequel to water!

Breeze: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!

Breeze: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass.

Alice: I have yet to encounter a problem where a sword didn't factor into the solution at least in some way.

Alice: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.

Compass, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK?? Compass, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW!

Alice/Breeze: People always shoot down my ideas and I’m sick of it. Two sentences in and everyone’s always shouting “what the fuck? that’s illegal!” and “you can’t do that!”. Like, c'mon, let me talk!

Breeze: I have a philosophy in life; if the seat is open, the job is open. That’s how I came to briefly drive a Formula 1 car.

Jamie: A stake to the heart won't kill a vampire if their tits are big enough. Compass: Yeah, you just catch it. Breeze: Nah nah nah, deflects it. Stake? Just bounces right off. Done. Back to doing hot girl shit. Alice: Then I just use a spear instead. Jamie: You are trying so hard to kill a vampire with big bazongas, and for what? Why would you do that to the ecosystem?

Jamie: Go on, give Breeze a compliment. Compass: How do you expect me to do that? Alice: Just say something that you wish someone would say to you. Compass: Uhh… You are now unbanned from Free Ham Sandwich Day! Breeze, sobbing: Nobody’s ever said that to me before!

Alice: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess. Breeze: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to? Compass: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit. Jamie: Guys.

Compass: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything? Jamie: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital. Compass: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you. Jamie: But I heard a siren. Alice: That was Breeze. Breeze: Sorry, I got nervous.

Alice, gesturing to Compass: Breeze, look what you did! You made Mom upset! Jamie: Mom, please don’t cry, we’re sorry! Breeze: I’m sorry Mom… :( Compass, near tears: I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!

Compass: You’re just being paranoid. Again. Alice: When have I been paranoid? Compass: Um, when you first met Jamie you thought they were an undercover cop…? Alice: No one has a wart that big, I thought it was a surveillance camera! Compass: And last year you were sure Breeze was a mermaid! Alice: They hate wearing shirts! COINCIDENCE?! Later, when Alice’s theory is proven wrong Compass: Do you have anything to say for yourself? Alice: I still think Breeze is a mermaid.

Jamie: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions. Breeze: Ridiculous. Give me some examples. Compass: Wasps? Alice: Terriers? Jamie: Alice.

Jamie: Who wants to go out of the country on a road trip? Alice: Yea, I could drink legally! Compass: I could hang out with the boys! Breeze: I could hide from the consequences of my actions.

Jamie: Why are your tongues purple? Alice: We had slushies. I had a blue one. Breeze: I had a red one. Jamie: oh. Jamie: Jamie: OH. Compass: Compass: You drank eachothers slushies?

Compass: Why did you guys dress up as each other for Halloween? Alice: Rose is the scariest thing I could think of! Rose: Alice told me I should pick the dumbest costume possible.

Compass: Where are you going? Alice: To get MYSELF a gift cause somebody didn't get me one! Compass: I told you I did! Its coming here on Friday! Rose, knowing full well that Compass got Alice an engagement ring: eating popcorn

Alice: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed.

Rose: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way? Compass: Excuse me Mx. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you? Alice: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

Compass, Entering Rose's room: Alice did it again. Rose: Peace disturbance? Compass: What no- Rose: Arson..? Compass: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY- Rose: uh….Attempted murder? Compass: NO, THEY ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-

Compass: So… who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon? Alice: We're chopsticks! Compass: Well… that's cute! Compass: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly? Rose: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Rose: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Compass recently. Alice: No, Rose, it's not what it looks like, I swear. Rose: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous? Alice: No! You’re the only one for me. Rose: Is that so? Alice: I promise! Compass and I are just dating, okay? They’re my partner. Rose: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved? Alice: You are still my one and only best friend! They’re just the love of my life, nothing more! Rose: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right? Alice: Of course bro! Rose: Bro… Compass: What the-

Alice: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box. Compass: Did Rose say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'? Alice: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL–

Compass: I like your top, Rose! Alice: I have a name, you know. Rose: sighs Why. Why are you like this.

Rose: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Alice: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? Compass: Ya know… it might be.

Rose: What have you done with Alice? Compass: Nothing. Why, do you think I should?

The gang is about to do something dangerous Compass: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk? Rose: Go ahead. Compass: Be careful. Compass: Don’t die. Alice: Holds back a laugh Rose: Great. We’re all bloody inspired.

Rose: So, what is Compass to you? Alice: The reason I wake up every morning. Rose: …That’s adorable. Compass earlier that morning, barging into Alice′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

Compass: H-how do you ask someone out? Alice: Well, first- Rose: Don't ask them, they asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot. Compass: …And you said yes?

Compass: Rose, what does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean? Rose: I don’t know, I love you, talk to you later. Compass: Alright, I love you too, I'll ask Alice. Rose: Wait- Compass, no-

Alice, at an awards show: Well, first of all, I’d like to thank Rose, the love of my life, for telling me Compass was going to win so don’t bother to prepare a speech.

Alice: What are you two arguing about this time? Rose: They’re always using common phrases incorrectly! Compass: Cry me a table, Rose.

Alice: I didn't drink that much last night. Compass: You were flirting with Rose. Alice: So what? They're my partner. Compass: You asked if they were single. Compass: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

Rose: Alice you can’t move in with Compass. Alice: Why not? Rose: Well, um, how are you going to feel when they see you without any makeup? Alice: I’m not wearing makeup right now. Rose: Holy crap, you’re beautiful.

Compass: So, what’s Alice's type? Rose: Brown eyes, kind, oblivious, good sense of humor, turtle lover. Compass: Sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends. Rose: Did I mention oblivious? Compass: Yeah, why? Rose: Okay, just making sure.

Jamie: Yesterday, I overheard Alice saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Breeze replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

Alice: If you want my advice- Rose: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times. Alice: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, they’ve also tried to kill me. Compass: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.

Compass: Alice- Alice: sighs Rose used to call me Alice… Compass: …Because it's your fucking name.

#asks #there's some canon non-compliant stuff here #like alice knowing what sex is #and compass swearing #but lol whatever #also lots of shipping #it's all just silly fun stuff #also i did them it batches but sometimes different characters fit better so i swapped them in #so you'll sometimes see jamie and breeze in a block of alice and compass quotes #also the only way to change what names go where is to randomly shuffle so i got to experience the bogosort algorithm firsthand

1 note · View note