#but that doesnt mean my need for my chair goes away

[chronically-chaotic-cryptid]

I used my wheelchair for the first time in school today and it's so strange how it becomes this open invitation for people to guess at or question your medical status. Like, the assumption that this is a permanent thing, or that I'm injured (I've never seen a bright green hospital chair but ok) or to ask me about how long this will be going on for etc. etc.

And, I don't really blame the people asking all that much. For them, it's a way to show that they care about my wellbeing. It's the society they've all grown up in that tells them that this question is ok to ask and fails to educate them about disability. That's what's created this. Trying to show care ends up becoming ableism and ignorance when the world chooses to ignore disabled people and our lives.

So, yeah.

#i wouldnt have been able to go to school today if it wasnt for my chair #and yeah this specific thing will go away #i hope #my muscles are weird rn man #but that doesnt mean my need for my chair goes away #its dynamic #and complex #like life #cripple punk #cripplepunk #wheelchair user #chronic pain #disabled student #manual wheelchair user #chronically ill student #physically disabled

[lilacsbeeswax]

can i make a request for remus lupin where him and reader are dating but she doesnt know that hes a werewolf, and so she thinks hes cheating. she then asks the boys (sirius and james) and they dont tell her and so she’s properly convinced hes cheating, then the day before the full moon she confronts him and it causes a huge argument and then the next day (fullmoon) she goes for a midnight stroll to clear her head and remus attacks her. can u make the whole thing really angsty but fluffy and happy ending at the end? if u need any more info or anything just dm me! thank you!!

Cheater

-Remus Lupin x Reader-

-Angst-

MASTERLIST

(Thank you for the request 💕)

Over the 6 glorious months I’ve dated Remus Lupin we’ve had so many amazing times. Flowers, dates, promises, sweet nothings, everything anyone could ever ask for… Except for that one giant gaping hole in my understanding of my boyfriend, his disappearances.

Every month for a few days he just up and disappears. There is no other way to describe it. He doesn’t come to classes, he avoids me, and when I go to look for him his friends get all nervous and sweaty.

At first, I was just concerned, especially since he has issues with chronic pain and is always ill, that was until he began dodging all of my questions. He threw, “it’s nothing you have to worry about sweetheart”s and, “I promise everything’s alright, no worries” at me anytime I asked and quickly changed the subject.

Later, I started talking to my friends about it and I had to face the horrible truth that Remus must be cheating on me. It all added up the distance, the avoidance, and the obvious guilt that he held over the matter. But, before you can destroy and wasp nest you have to make sure the wasps are dead and gone.

——-

I sat in the Gryffindor common room awaiting the infamous Marauders’ loud arrival. I fidgeted with a quill someone had left on the side table. God, was I nervous. I had to calculate the perfect time and day to ambush the boys. A day were Remus wasn’t trailing close behind them.

My thinking was abruptly stopped as Sirius and James burst into the common room laughing about some prank they inevitably pulled on some poor first year. I uncrossed my legs slowly when I saw at least James had seen me and took a step toward them, trying my hardest to keep me composure.

“Why hello there boys.” I greeted, my voice slightly wavering.

“Hey beautiful,” Sirius replied as he swaggered over and plopped himself into one of the old crimson chairs. “What’s up?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong love?” James said, following Sirius’ lead and sitting on the loveseat. He propped his legs up on the coffee table and patted the seat next to him prompting me to sit down.

I hesitated for a moment before responding: “It’s about Remus. I have some… worries and I need for you to be totally honest. I know he’s your friend but…” I trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say.

“What do you mean?” James asked, he moved his feet off the table and leaned in closer ready to listen. Sirius was almost scowling as he blinked at me.

“Don’t tell him, but I think he’s-“ I cleared my throat, “cheating on me.”

James sat there shell shocked as Sirius blurted out, “Cheating on you?! Remus? You’re having a laugh!”

James side-eyed him and grabbed one of my hands. He gently said, “Y/n, there must be a perfectly reasonable explanation that isn’t him cheating. Remus loves you so much, I don’t think he could cheat if he tried.”

“Please I can barely imagine him being able to get it up without you!” Sirius laughed.

“Sirius!” James scolded. “Not the time!”

“If he’s not cheating, then what is he doing?” I asked sternly, pulling my hands away from James. Sirius’ and James’ faces dropped.

“We- we can’t tell you that,” Sirius’ regular playful facade had fully disappeared as he stuttered. “It’s not our place.”

“It’s not your place?” I exclaimed, standing up. Heat flushed throughout my body and my stomach turned. “Why will no one tell me a single goddamn thing?”

“Y/n, just go talk to Remus, if he’s ready he’ll tell you.” James said, reaching a hand out to me. “Just calm down, it’s all okay I promise.”

“No. Absolutely not. You don’t think I’ve asked Remus a million times? Do you know how often I’ve had to hear ‘everything’s okay’ and ‘no need to worry’ with no fucking explanation? I’m over it. The lying, the sneaking around. And having such a sweet guy lie to my face just to cover up his infidelity! I’m done.”

“Just listen,” James began but I don’t let him finish.

“And if you tell Remus about any of this I will kick your asses. If this is happening I want it to be on own terms.” As I finished my speech, I stormed out of the common room and tears began to fall when the adrenaline ran dry.

——-

James and Sirius sat in that horrible silence to shock. Finally, Sirius broke it with a sigh, “What the fuck are we gonna do?”

James sullenly replied, “Well, there’s one thing we definitely can’t do and that’s tell Remus. He’s struggling enough as it is this full moon and tomorrow it’s gonna be worse. I guess we just have to pray that Y/n waits until it’s over to say anything.”

——-

It took a full night of crying and a few shots of fire whiskey from Marlene for me to go back to the anger stage and set up a plan. I was going to get into the boys’ dorm (by bribing Lily to steal James’ key) and confront Remus there. Setting up the plan was much easier than going through with it though.

I stood in front of dorm number 7 for a few five minutes passing the brass key between my hands, resting its weight in my palms. Today, was the day I was destroying the golden layer that had settled over our relationship and I was scared to death.

I slowly slotted the key in place and turned it gently. The click sound made my ears ring.

I opened the door to see Remus sleeping in his bed. He was horrifically pale and the bags under his eyes were more like extra large suitcases. ‘His mystery illness must be acting up again.’ I had thought. I almost felt bad for what I was about to do. Even in sleep he looked to be in pain. He looked almost like a corpse as I shook his shoulder attempting to wake him up. His head moved and his corpse like appearance was impossibly more evident.

“Remus?” I said, my voice echoed across the completely silent room. His eyes snapped open and he jumped like he had just been shot.

His voice was raspy and filled with sleep. “Hello darling, what are you doing here? How did you get in?”

“The door.” I said, ignoring his first question. It was hard to stay angry when I was looking right at him. Remus was horrifyingly beautiful from his honey brown hair, his matching doe eyes, his long eyelashes, his high cheekbones, the list goes on.

“Whoa, are you alright?” He asked, reaching his hand out toward me. I ignored his offer and straightened my posture.

“No. I know that this probably isn’t the right time, but I through with this little game of yours Remus.”

“What game? Sit down darling, you look like you might faint.”

“You know perfectly well what I mean, Remus Lupin. You’re a dirty cheater and a liar. You’ve been playing me for half a year and been sleeping with other people. I’m done.”

“Are you suggesting that I’m cheating on you?” He looked angry, probably not expecting to be caught.

“Not suggesting, telling. I know that you’re cheating on me.”

“That’s absolutely ludicrous!” He exclaimed, sitting up in his bed with cough. “Where would you even get an idea like that?”

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed your little disappearances. The sneaking around, the lies, everything. I had trusted you so much, obviously that was a mistake.” I took a step toward him. My anger grew as I watched his face grow impossibly paler.

“My disappearances?” He whispered to himself. “Listen this is a big misunderstanding. I’m not cheating on you.”

“Then what do you do when you disappear at night? Why do you always dodge my questions? And why are you such a dick head about it?”

“I’m a…” he stuttered and paused, looking as though he was going to vomit, “I can’t- I can’t tell you, okay?”

“Why can’t you just fucking admit it?” I yelled, tears beginning to fall against my will. “Even if there is something else going on, it’s not helping you to not tell me! You promised to always be honest with me, now is the time, Lupin!”

“Why can’t you just take my answer? I can’t tell you or you’ll hate me more than you already do!” His voice gained volume as mine did.

“That’s looking pretty fucking impossible right now.” I screamed at him.

“So, that’s it? You make your bold assumptions and then just walk away?”

“I’m not the one walking away, you walked away a while ago. Who is it? Who has captivated you enough to do this to me?”

“No one! I haven’t cheated on you, no one could ever replace you! I love you!” He yelled as I began to walk to the door opening it slightly.

“I don’t believe that for one second because if you loved me, you would tell me the truth!” At this I slipped through the door, slamming it shut behind me.

——-

After the argument, time stopped to a screeching halt. By the time, I had felt even slightly decent enough to move out of my bed it had already been a full day. To clear my head, I decided to go on a midnight stroll.

The crisp autumn breeze stretched over me like a hug. It felt so nice to fill my lungs with its slight cold air. The crickets chirped playing a little song for the blanket of stars that stretched over the sky. You could always see so many stars at Hogwarts. They seemed brighter here than back at home. Remus had never liked the night sky, I never quite understood why.

I walked along the edge of the Forbidden Forest, not listening for any dangers I could come across. I could hear a wolf’s howl in the not so far distance but I paid it no mind. Either way, I had thought a wolf was the least of my troubles in the forest anyways.

I continued walking, not worried about anything until I heard a loud growl behind me. I whipped around to see a large shaggy brown wolf looking at me as if I was it’s next meal. I gulped down a scream and started to slowly back away. Screw me for never listening to my brother ramble about what he learned in Boy Scouts.

“Nice puppy.” I whispered, barely finding humor in what I said.

The wolf pounced at me knocking me onto the cold dirt. It scratched and bit at me as I tried to cover myself. ‘This is not how I die’ I repeated to myself over and over again. I could feel the warm blood dripping down my arm but I felt no pain. I saw nothing, I felt nothing, and all I heard was growls and scrambling before everything went black.

——-

“Is she gonna be okay, Madam Pomfrey?” A deep voice asked.

“Yes, I do believe so. She’ll be scarred, mentally and emotionally, but she’ll fine.” Responded Madam Pomfrey.

I groaned. My whole body felt like it was put through a meat grinder. I opened my eyes, almost surprised that I could see. “What happened?” I rasped, attempting to move.

“My god girl! Don’t try to move, you’ll just hurt yourself further.” Madam Pomfrey rushed over and put her hand on my forehead before rushing into her storeroom. “Just stay and heal.”

James stepped into my vision and stood next to the bed. He grabbed my hand and held it gently. “Hey love.”

I groaned, uncomfortable in my current predicament. “Hi James. Why are you here?”

“Why am I here? Are you serious Y/n? You almost died!” He exclaimed.

My eyes widened, “I did?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Not really. What happened?”

“This is gonna be a lot to swallow, but it’s necessary, for you to understand what happened.” James said.

He began going into a very long explanation about how Remus is a werewolf and they’re illegal animagus and Remus is the one who attacked me because werewolves will attack anyone they come across. Once he had finished I just sat there, totally and completely dumbfounded.

“Is this a prank?” I finally ask.

Madam Promfrey walks back in handing me a cup of some sort of green liquid. She responded for James. “I’m afraid not.”

“Oh my god.” I whispered. “I’m a horrible person.”

“No, you’re not Y/n. How were you to know?” James said.

“I yelled at him and accused him of awful things while he was going through… that.”

“You didn’t know, it’s not your fault.”

“Oh my god and Remus will kill himself over this. He’ll think this is all his fault. Where is he?” I panicked, desperately wanting to get out of bed and run to him.

“He’s asleep in our dorm recovering, Sirius is taking care of him, but he doesn’t know yet.”

“We can’t tell him. He’ll beat himself to a pulp over it. He was scared enough of telling me imagine…” I trailed off.

“There’s no way not to tell him, look at yourself. You’ll have scars for the rest of your life.”

I looked over myself and the magically healed cuts and scratches. Some were large enough to cause massive patches of scar tissue. One bigger than my hand on my thigh. They reminded me of Remus, not because he was the one who caused them but because they look identical to the ones that cover his entire body. “Can I be the one to tell him?” I asked.

“Absolutely, that’s kind of what Sirius and I were hoping for.”

“Not until you’re mostly healed.” Madam Pomfrey added from her desk. “Go back to sleep and when you wake up in the morning, I’ll let you go.”

James squeezed my hand before letting go. “You heard the woman. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“See ya, James.” I mumbled as he left.

——-

“And one more step.” James said, arm wrapped firmly around my bandaged abdomen.

“You don’t have to hold me, James.” I said while limping slightly up the stair.

“Yeah, sure. You were out for two days and had major blood loss, but that was nothing!” He said sarcastically, bringing me to the door. The very one I had slammed, while accusing Remus of not loving me.

He opened it slowly to reveal Remus siting in a chair by the large window reading ‘Pride and Prejudice’. Remus looked so much more alive now than before. The paleness had subsided and his dark circles had almost completely disappeared. He looked up at us and his eyes widened.

“Y/n? What happened? Are you okay?” He exclaimed, practically jumping up from his chair and rushing to me. “Sit down.”

He and James guided me to sit on Sirius’ bed.

“Where’d Sirius run off to?” James asked.

“He wanted to get breakfast, but that doesn’t matter.” He rushed his sentence. Sitting on the bed opposite me and looking over me. “What happened?”

“I know Remus.”

“You know what?” He asked. James slid out the door quickly, barely being noticed by Remus or I.

I felt a strong rush of confidence. “That you’re a werewolf.”

He paled and blinked at me. “Where is this going?”

“I went on a midnight walk during the full moon. It was an accident, what happened.”

“I did this to you?” He stuttered. I reached over and placed a hand on his knee.

“You don’t have control over what happens during the full moon.”

“I hurt you.” It was a statement that seemed to rattle his very soul.

“I’m okay, Remus.”

“No, it’s not. I ruined our relationship purely because I was afraid of this and now look. You hate me and I’ve scarred you for life.”

“I could never ever hate you, Remus-“ he cut me off.

“Then, why did you say that when you left? ‘If you loved me, you’d tell me the truth’” Pain shot through me as he recounted my harsh words.

“You could’ve told me. I love you all the same. Werewolf or not.” I stated.

“Really?” He asked, dragging his gaze from the floor up to me. He looked like a scared puppy.

“Always.” I said, grabbing his face and pulling him in for a kiss.

MASTERLIST

#marauders x reader #fluff #harry potter fanfiction #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin x you #remus x reader #remus lupin x reader #james potter x reader #angst #lilacsasks

[weebsinstash]

As much as I want to have children by this man, let's take a moment to sip our platonic yandere Miguel juice

-i can't decide which sex he'd be more partial to in a 'child'/you since in the movie there was Gabriella but in the comics he eventually has a son who becomes the next Spiderman but--

-as a girl i just naturally think of a lot of those sorts of gender specific ideas 👉👈 he's this big scary hulking intimidating threat and his "daughter" is the one melting his cold exterior

-doesnt matter if you're a grown ass woman, Miguel sees you struggling to braid your hair and suddenly here he is, full dad mode, doing it for you,and depending on how close you two are, maybe he disguises it with "ugh, stop spending so much time messing around with that. If I do it for you will you get back to work? 🙄", but really it's just your new self proclaimed dad/tio wanting to help braid your hair and help you feel pretty and, oh, how he can fondly remember the last time he helped braid "his daughter's" hair...

-of course this evolves to him just loving to do things with your hair. Braid it, wear it natural, style it, use products on it, hes got you. you were just trying to put your hair in a lazy updo like a ponytail or bun and this man doesn't let you leave until he's got you completely combed out, hair braided with ribbons, and of course this entire time youre awkwardly sitting there in a chair in his absolute cave of a workstation with this gargantuan 6'9 man there, "so how was your day? Staying out of trouble?"

-really I mean. Is stealing other people's kids NOT technically in character for him. You're unfortunate enough to trauma bond with this man and you're never getting rid of him

-you hear Miles Morales call him tio (as in the tio meaning dude) and you jokingly teasingly start calling him tio, which Miguel secretly pretends is the version that means uncle. You're just constantly joking around or looking up at him with these big pouty eyes, "but tio 🥺 can't I PLEASE--" and its like. Lmao people know that if they need to ask Miguel for a favor, that it increases their chances to have you ask in their stead

- I mean, as a female adult abused as a child by my own father, raised by a single mom myself, like...

Reader flinches away when Peter B goes to give you a supportive pat on the back or comes in for a high five after a mission and you force yourself to laugh because you're feeling more than just a little awkward and in the spotlight. "Oh, sorry, that was dumb!" And they eventually get you to kind of anxiously word vomit "my dad used to just kind of, rough me up sometimes when I did something wrong! It-it could've been a lot worse honestly, but, it-it just makes me kinda jumpy around guys sometimes! It's not a big deal, or personal or anything. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad 🥺"

Peter B, Jessica, and Miguel all there as older parental figures and also literal parents, immediately exchange looks and agree like "oh hell naw, don't like that" and you get silently adopted by all three of em right then and there

-if it's a physically abusive father and you're still the victim of abuse, I imagine your dad had some suspicious figures suddenly show up in the middle of the night to terrify and threaten the shit out of him and suddenly you aren't getting as manhandled anymore

-can you imagine, like, you show up to Spider Society one day with a black eye "oh, this? It's, it's nothing. My dad is just, he's about to make police captain and he's really stressed about it is all" cue all your friends mentally high fiving around the table because your abusive piece of shit dad is going to die and you don't even know. When it happens they'll all be "oh no, sweetie, I'm SOOOO sorry :(" meanwhile they're thrilled bc now you don't have any parents and they can weasel in there as your new family, schedule your birthday parties, monopolizing more of your time, things like that

-goddd I just imagine it could become some kind of weird fucked up enmeshed scenario where the structure it's providing for your life is actually good for you meanwhile Miguel is like, retroactively kind of soothing some of his trauma both from his own childhood and what happened with the second universe he broke that it's just like. You're a grown ass adult and this man is tucking you in goodnight and saying "te amo, mija" at the doorway and you bet his ass is going to stand there and not let you sleep until you say it back. He knows you're just absolutely seething at him and he'll still refuse to leave without a grumbling "te amo, papá 🙄"

-He eventually just has you doing so much shit and depending on him so much that it starts to become second nature to you. one day you're in the Society doing one of the odd jobs you're allowed to help with and suddenly you're thinking, "Ugh I actually don't know what to do next, I wish Papá was here to-- WAIT SHIT NO I MEAN MIGUEL--"

-lmaooooo as a non Spanish speaker I keep thinking of how awwwwwful it would be if he actually forces you to learn Spanish. Not inherently because there's anything wrong with Spanish, but, I'm not always smart, and I can just SEE him quizzing your ass, forcing you to have entire conversations in Spanish, always clicking his tongue or chuckling at you when you make a mistake and he just thinks you're so cute struggling to learn 🥰 man hears you're trying to take extra lessons from Miles and he instantly drops everything he's doing to go track the little scamp down. Insert meme "I can forgive being an anomaly but I draw the line at teaching Reader bad Spanish"

-siiiiiiigh eventually the day comes when you're in big danger and you need his help, maybe you disobeyed him and was hanging out with some other Spiders in another dimension when there was a sudden villain attack, and he comes to your rescue as a villain does something dramatic like has a gun to your head or a knife to your neck and the second you see him you're just overwhelmed wirh a sense of relief, calling out for him, calling him dad/tio/papá whatever, and he's just like 😭❤️ pumping his fist internally, like YES you are so grounded when you get back home but also 🥰 you finally called him dad without him having to twist your arm 🥰 nevermind if the "villain" who kidnapped you was actually a Spider who owed him a favor, and this whole thing was to teach you a lesson about listening to your Papá, that's not important ❤️

-Miguel who forces you to learn Spanish vs Miguel who forces you to be Catholic. I can excuse kidnapping and forced adoption but I draw the line at making me practice religion 💀 no but seriously, he probably does have certain morals and values he instills/forces upon you if he thinks you need them, and he'll probably be one of those fathers, "are you leaving the house dressed like that? Go change" and orders you not to hang out with certain people he doesn't approve of or thinks have bad character (like hobie lmao)

-bruh you two will be on a super serious important mission and this man will be like "it's dark, hold my hand so we dont get separated"

Eventually it comes to a point where you're, not perfectly behaved but, just about. If someone finds Miguel, it means you're not very far away, or vice versa. Members of the Society quickly learn not to make any advances on you or make any "adult" comments unless they want to get suspiciously hurt during a personal training session by the big boss himself. You think you're safe just cause Miguel isn't around? Nah, cause then you have Peter B and Jess keeping an eye on you, and, not that YOU'RE aware of the extent, but, if Miguel ever gets worried, he can just ask Lyla what you've been getting up to, since your modified little daypass has her installed into it and she can track your every move ❤️ helicopter parent? Oh honey, you have NO idea...

#yandere miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #yandere x reader #yandere spiderverse #yandere stuff #sinprompts

[wjehfshs]

Reader who is very sweet and kind, his vibe is " :D ", he is so happy that everyone likes him even valeria, secretly gets special treatment from everyone but doesnt realize it. Also goes along with anything, you just casual lift him up and take him away when he was having a conversation? Ok! Plans change at the last second? Sure, doesnt bother him. Bakes and crochets during his free time and gives the things he created to the people in base. Loved by everyone, everyone also loves him. (Baby of the group, and babied by the group)

Thank you for reading this, take your time, rest if you need to♡

Omg just :D reader

Hyper happy reader, a lot of COD MW/MW2 characters and COD Ghosts characters are in this don’t ask why, even Valeria likes reader, oblivious reader, fluff, platonic, male reader, readers babied and compared to a fairy at some point

On the field you where like any other soldier

But off the field you where the definition of confetti as a person

Everyone just felt this need to protect you

They knew you could take care of yourself but they couldn’t help it

Valeria and Alejandro would regularly argue over who got to pamper you that day

“Ah [name]! I was wondering if you wanted me to run you a bath?”

“Don’t listen to him he would do it right, it would be gross and cold. Let me do it for you!”

For the next 15 minutes they argued in Spanish over who got to run the bath for you

God even Graves loved you

You where the only one who was allowed to cuddle with Ghost and play with his hair

König would let you climb him (maybe or maybe not inspired by another one of my fics lmao)

The thing is you didn’t even realise how much everyone loved you

You knew they loved you, and you loved them but you never knew the extent of it

Normally people would just sit wherever they could during their meals but you had a saved seat

“Leave room for [names] seat”

“Is that seat taken?” “Yeah [name] is sitting there” “what? But he’s in the shooting range?” “[name]. Sits. There”

Keegan would let you use him for piggy back rides

If you wanted you could bother Price all day in his office and he would be more than happy to let you ramble on

Hesh would let you paint different patterns on his face each time he had to go out on a mission

Stars, hearts, stripes, dots, whatever he didn’t care if you pained it on he was wearing it

If someone was mean to you Roach would sign to them, chewing them out for being rude to you, his hands where going so fast you couldn’t even read them

You and Soap where a chaotic duo

Screaming, running around, laughing, and doing stupid shit

Once you where talking to König in a crowded situation, he was starting to get stressed out so he just picked you up, threw you over his shoulder, and walked off with you

You didn’t even stop talking, it was like you didn’t even notice you where now basically 7 ft in the air on a man’s shoulders

Gaz would send you a stupid amount of Tik Toks daily, you would always watch them and get excited

Once for Christmas you went out of your way to knit scarfs for everyone. Like quite literally EVERYONE. You explained you spent the past year on this project

Some of them started crying with how sweet you where

On multiple occasions you would just be in a chair knitting something random

You also crochet most of your own accessories and clothes

“Ah this is so pretty [name]!” Farah told you, feeling the fabric of your crocheted beanie “May I please have one? I’d love to match with you!” She asked

You happily agreed, ecstatic to start the new project

You skipped away to grab your materials happily

You also loved to bake things for people

When it was Soaps birthday you made a cake for him, decorated with sugar flowers and leaves

It was so cute

Everyone was hesitant to eat it because they didn’t want to ruin it

They opted for all taking like 50+ photos each

You where literally a fairy in their eyes

#cod x reader #cod #cod mw2 x reader #cod mw2 #cod mw x reader

[yourtouchismidas]

how do u think matty reacts when gigi gets into her first relationship? i think he'd be wary but still very polite (also definitely gives the partner the shovel talk)

this ask perfectly follows on from the one i just wrote so we'll start from where that left off.

when gigi gets home from her first proper date, with the first guy she really properly likes, george has already text him to tell him where she was having bumped into him on the street. she tries to come into the house quietly, hoping that the noise of her little sisters messing around will drown her out and she can hop up to her bedroom without being noticed.

instead, the house is silent. perfect. no screams or laughs from the girls. they all must be out. gigi relaxes. she kicks off her shoes and puts down her back. she goes out of the hallway and to climb the stairs and then she hears him. a voice.

"august healy,"

it's her dad. she goes into the kitchen, knowing it would be disrespectful to ignore him, and he is sitting in one of the dining chairs, nursing a coffee, and stroking one of the twin's stuffy like he's in the godfather.

"hi dad," gigi says sheepishly.

"i received a very interesting text earlier," he says, putting down his coffee mug. "care to take a guess on what that may have been?"

she folds her arms, "i think we all know."

"i think we do," matty says, suddenly throwing the stuffed toy rabbit on the floor, then quickly, realising how hard he has thrown it, picks it up and says, "sorry bunny," and gives it a quick kiss on the head before placing it on the table. gigi is trying not to laugh. he's such a nightmare.

"i've heard, from a certain uncle, that a certain daughter, has been out with, someone of the male variety. am i correct?"

"dad can you stop?" she whines, "i'm fifteen."

"you're twelve," he says.

"for gods sake. where's mum? she'll put an end to this nonsense."

"your mother has yet to be informed of the male child. she is currently out with the rest of my charges. but i'm sure she will feel the same as I."

"dad," gigi says, giggling, "stop it."

"stop what?" he says, waving his arms around like some cartoon character.

"stop messing around. so i went out with a boy. its fine."

"i'll stop messing around when you tell me about him. and assure me that this male child has no intentions to hurt my precious child."

"didn't george tell you he's already threatened him?"

"he did not," matty says, "but i will need to threaten him myself, obviously."

"dad," gigi sighs, turning around to leave the kitchen.

"wait baby, come back," matty says, returning to his regular voice. "you dont need to lie about who you're seeing okay? please dont lie to me love."

"but you act like this! you care so much!"

"i'm just being a knob," he says. holding his arms out to hug her. "and i just care because you're my baby girl. okay? i want the best for you."

she leans into him. he rubs his knuckles in her curls.

"george did tell me he's really good looking," matty says.

gigi looks at him grinning, "oh my god he is, he's so fit."

matty pulls a face like he's just eaten something terrible.

"oh god, yeah no, can't do that."

"what?"

"happy for you he's fit an all but cant stomach hearing about it."

"that's fair enough, will you leave me alone about it now?"

"fine," matty says, going back to his coffee and picking up bunny again, "but i want to meet him. get him round for dinner please."

"sure," gigi says, taking the opportunity to run out the room.

"love you!" matty calls after her up the stairs. she sighs hard, but yells back, "love you too."

when you come back with the girls, you find matty in his music room crafting a song called "stay away from my daughter you shit."

"matthew healy," you say, grinning. you know he doesnt mean it. but you also know he loves that kid more than anything in the entire world.

"he's coming round for dinner," matty shudders, "i have to be ready."

#ruins #ruins behind the scenes #matty healy x reader #matty healy x you #matty healy #matty healy x y/n #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy fanfiction #dad!matty

[empress-simps]

Danger Meter [5]

》Miscommunication《

▪︎Pairings: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Reader

▪︎Pronouns: She/Her [Fem! Reader]

▪︎Warnings: Language

▪︎Genre: Soulmate Au! Angst and Fluff

▪︎Synopsis:Your soulmate rarely seems to be out of the High risk zone according to your mark, which makes you worry.Oh well— you already know the same goes for him.

》 Masterlist 》Bradley's Masterlist

》Previous 》Next

You pretended you couldn't feel Rooster staring at you from across the room.

You pretended you couldn't see the longingness in his eyes, as you laughed with Bob or joked around with Hangman.

You also pretended you don't think that he's your soulmate.

The past few days has been rough on you, the mental exhaustion evident on your face as the light from the Hard Deck illuminates your face.

"Robby, what brings you here?" You looked over your shoulder, leaning against your car that is parked infront of Hard Deck.

"I know what you're thinking, y/n/n."

You raised one eyebrow, "Care to be specific? I'm thinking 'bout millions of things, Robby." You chuckled, he neared you until he's next to you, leaning against your car.

"I know that you think he is the one." Bob answered, looking at the night sky. You stilled, damn, you couldn't really hide anything from him. Bob already memorized your actions, feelings, and thoughts like the back of his hand.

It's not like you're not the same to him, you know what he wants you to do before he can even say it out loud.

"You want me to test it out." You stated, which made Bob look at you and smile. "Who knows?" You closed your eyes and drew in a breath, a shaky sigh leaving your lips.

"I'm scared."

Bob reached for your hand and gave a comforting squeeze, urging you to continue. "Why?"

"What if he isn't the one? I'd feel like I'm betraying my soulmate because of my feelings for him, Robby." You looked down as Bob widened his eyes, "So you admit you like him?"

"Yes. I do like him, but he probably doesnt' like me." You confirmed as bob shaked his head, telling you that Rooster doesn't dislike you. He needs to talk to Pheonix about this later.

"As long as ypur soulmate isn't Bagman then they're okay to me." His statement earned a chuckle from you, but a thought crossed over your head which dampened your lightening mood.

"And with the Uranium mission coming up.. If I ever get picked for it, will I even come back alive? Will I ever come back at all?" You asked yourself, fear evident in your eyes.

"I want to meet my soulmate before I leave for the mission, I might never come back, Robby. Just once and I will be happy." You looked away. Bob knows exactly what you mean as he shaked his head.

"We will come home safe." Bob stated, as he gripped your hand and made eye contact with you. You could feel him determined, and somehow, his words bring you a sense of comfort.

"So hot." You moaned, fanning yourself with your hands. Jake who coincidentally walks past you, winked. "Thanks sweetheart." You made a disgusted face at him.

"What the.. I was talking about the weather. Shut your trap statefarm or else I'll make you eat sand." You shaked your head as he laughed, walking away. "That damn mouth of his, I swear." You grabbed your sunglasses as you sat at one of the beach chairs.

"Mind if I sit here?" You heard someone asked.

Looking over your shoulder, you repsonded "Sure, whatever. Don't think it's occupied anyway." Rooster looked at you for a long while and sighed, "Look, I'm sorry for ignoring yo-"

"Rooster, I forgive you. Let's just put it behind us, yeah? I'm sure you have your reasons." You mumbled.

"It still doesn't give me the the right to be a douche." He shaked his head, being sincere.

"Sorry about Hangman too, he's a fucking asshole, I know." You added. You heard the chair creak as he sat beside you.

He tried to look at anything but you. But his eyes seemingly cannot do it, he's mesmerized. The fact that this is one of the few times he got to see you without your uniform or flight suit is doing things to him. It's not helping that the navy blue sports bra and white shorts are complimenting your body.

And you acted like you don't know he was checking you out.

"You don't need to apologize on the behalf of him. He's not your responsibility." He stated. You chuckled, "Well, I feel kinda responsible."

"You and Hangman are getting into fights recently, I heard that you got into a fight at Hard Deck." You looked at him.

Rooster drew in a breath. Did you know the reason why they fought? Has Hangman already brainwashed you that he's no good for you and that he's a player?

"I don't know what ypu guys fought about but from what I heard what happened it seems serious."

Rooster stilled for a moment, opening and closing his mouth. You don't know? It's a miracle it hasn't reached you yet, considering almost everyone knows about it now. Bob and Pheonix did a good job at keeping things seemingly under the wraps infront of you.

"Yeah, it is." He mumbled.

"Care to tell me about it?"

"Well.." Bradley hesitates, he doesn't know how.

"I don't bite. Lay it on me, dude." You grinned. Rooster sighed, "We fought because of a girl."

He noticed your smile faltered, or maybe that was just his imagination? Maybe he's just being delusional.

"And? What? He likes the girl and you like her too?" You tried to act like that it didn't affect you. But it did, it felt like someone stabbed you as you listen to Rooster talk about this girl that he's head over heels for.

You weren't dumb, you can see that Rooster is hopelessly in love.

"I like her, I think she's my soulmate."

Tears sprang onto your eyes as you try to keep your smile and voice steady, thank goodness you were wearing sunglasses. Rooster didn't seem to notice it.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, but Hangman.. He doesn't like that idea."

You need to get out of here, you need to ne away from Rooster. Tears are threatening to spill from your eyes as you can feel your heart hurting.

"Oh, maverick's here.." Your voice cracked, before he can even ask what's wrong you were already jogging towards Bob and Pheonix.

"Rooster, do you realize how fucking dumb are you?" Pheonix asked, glaring as the taller man looked away.

"So that's why she wasn't her usual self earlier in the beach.." Bob mumbled, Rooster asked "Wasn't she just down because she didn't win?"

Pheonix rolled her eyes as she face palmed. "Are you that dense Bradshaw? It's clear that she's painfully inlove with you! You think she's upset over the football? No! It's because you were talking like you have another girl in mind that you like!" She threw her hands up in the air, almost smacking Rooster in the face.

"You think so?.." he asked, looking down.

"That she's inlove with you and that you're dumb? Abso-fucking-lutely."

He wants to fucking believe it, he wants to think that you feel the same way to him. He wants to think that there's a chance you like him and think that he's your soulmate.

"You better figure this out before the mission, Rooster." Pheonix shakes her head. "Do you have any intel, Bob?"

Bob looked at Pheonix uneasily, "This will be the first and last time I'm going to snitch on her, Pheonix."

He knows that snitching on someone isn't good, but he could endure you being angry at him for a few days than not say it. He knows that this is going to be the important key to stop the misunderstandings between you and rooster.

"Yeah I know Bob, get on with it!" Pheonix turned to look at Rooster, making sure he's listening.

"She likes you, Rooster."

Rooster couldn't process it, he blinked a couple of times. "Hold on, one more time." He urged Bob to repeat what he said, maybe he just misheard.

"She's inlove with you, Rooster. She thinks that you're her soulmate."

Bradley Bradshaw couldn't believe it, his mouth opened as he asked a quite ridiculous question. "Are you sure?"

Bob sighed, shaking his head. Love makes people dumb, he thought. "Look man, if you don't believe me then I don't know what to tell you except for find it out yourself."

"Try to touch her subtly, like brush your hands against hers during class and stuff like that. See if your mark will glow." Pheonix suggested, Bradley hummed, considering it.

"What should I do if I find out we're soulmates?"

"I- Rooster, does Bob and I look like an instruction manual for how to deal with your soulmate?" Pheonix facepalmed.

"I was just asking..-"

"Well then it's a dumb question!"

Taglist [Closed]: @auszimbo @twsssmlmaa @looneylikesbooks @krys-orion

#rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw x female reader #soulmate au #top gun x reader #bradley rooster x reader

[boku-no-imagine-acadamia]

How about a Stan Marsh x reader where Sparky goes missing again and Stan is worried sick but finally finds his dog with the reader, who Sparky is now attached to

sparky is my guy frfr I was so stoked to see this request lmaoo

stan x reader when sparky goes missing

it was Saturday, and Stan had rolled out of bed at 10 am

he was barely conscious as he stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen, where his family was huddled at the table

he cleared his throat, and the three Marsh's whipped their heads towards Stan

Sharon had a hand on Shelly's back, who's eyes were watery

Stan rubbed his eyes to clear the blur, and mumbled "what's goin' on"

Randy and Sharon looked at each other and sighed

Stan's father stood from his seat and crouched next to Stan in the doorway, and sighed "buddy... I-.... Sparky got out... again"

Stans eyes shot wide, and he jumped a little, "what do you mean he got out again?? we put in locks like... last week!"

Randy stood and walked towards one of the kitchen cabinets, where he pulled out a bag of... something as Sharon glared at him "yes well your father had a fun night at the bar and forgot to close the door behind him"

Randy scoffed and continued messing with the contents of his bag, "Sharon please, I'm allowed to have a good time every now and then"

Sharon stood and shoved her chair in "Not at the expense of our family Randy, you do this at least twice a week and im sick and tired of this, do you know how hard it is-" Stan was distracted by a knock on the front door.

he walked out of the kitchen and looked through the peep hole. Kyle. he opened the door and sighed "hey dude."

kyles smile dropped "woah dude, what's up"

closing the door behind him, Stan steps outside "sparky ran away... again."

Kyle quirked a brow "didnt you just put in locks??"

stan groaned "thats what I said"

Kyle put his hands on his hips "well then we gotta go find him, come on lets go”

And so stan and kyle searched all day, looking in backyards and trash cans and under benches, but they never found him

Kyle needed to go home for dinner, so stan was left searching on his own, but as the sun set, he gave up all home

He trudged through the neighborhood, holding back tears as he passed house after house

as he passed one in particular, he heard scratching at a window

He turned to one of the houses, and there was sparky, scratching away at a window

But it wasnt just any house

It was your house

Stan just about had a heart attack

After psyching himself up, he knocked on your door, and after a few seconds, you opened it

“Oh hi stan!” You opened the door wider to let him in, “took you long enough, i called your house this morning but no one picked up.”

Stan groaned “yeah, because we’ve been out looking for him all day. Why didnt you just bring him to the house?”

You laughed, grabbing a spare leash and attaching it to his collar “because,” you start leading him to the door, but once he reached the threshold, he sat, refusing to budge, “he doesnt wanna be brought. Marsh’s tend to like my house i guess”

Stan flushed, “haha yeah…” awkward silence settled for a moment “anyway we should probably get going, sorry he bothered you”

You smiled and put a hand on his back, rubbing it gently, “he can bother me anytime, he is my second favorite marsh after all.”

He stuttered out a goodbye and left, and as the door closed, he looked to Sparky “you are the worst wingman ever.”

#south park headcanons #south park #south park x reader #stan marsh x reader #stan marsh #kyle brovlofski #eric cartman #kenny mccormick #susan marsh #randy marsh

[carolingarts]

Okay. I thought of something yesterday because I have movie brainrot...does the fnaf movie confirm midnight motorist game as canon?

Hear me out.

First things first. Yellow hue yellow colors all the orangey yellow. Plus all the costumes we've seen Lillard in are orange and yellow.

(That's a costume below I'll die on that hill. Sorry Mr. Lillard sir for staring at your Instagram too long.)

But see above? Yellow hue yellow lights and color is so goddamn intentional. And when we see Mike he's surrounded by yellow/orangey. But in the light it looks black/blue ish like he's been removed from the legacy.

But also? In this light? DOESNT IT LOOK GRAY?? Also. Yellow tie.

Everyone's been going over color theory between these two but I haven't seen anybody connect it to midnight motorist but this constant yellow hue over all the characters clearly dealing with drama...but the biggest thing.

Everyone remembers the house right? From the leaked photos there was the house in the forest and then most of the kids in the forest. And then Garrett. Getting taken away. In the forest.

Where Midnight Motorist has its grave mound.

Woop.

Here's another point for you okay? The lady's shoes?

Computer enhance!

Gray person in chair. Gray shoes??? Silvery yellow shoes??

So what do we have. We have 1 character *deliberately washed out in yellow*. That's deliberately. The light is super bright. Afton has a connection to yellow

We have two gray characters (lady with washed out yellow gray green shoes, Mike being dark black.) And Garrett in a forest in red. Singled out.

And a family living in a forest and kids. In a forest.

You wanna see something else?

Looking that. And then at this.

Here's my theory.

Afton is a struggling business owner maybe living in his partner's shadow (let's go Jack Black for Henry theory). He's a proud guy but he's burdened by either untreated psychosis or like, he's just on the point of unaliving a couple of screaming kids because *he works in a children's restaurant* but he keeps a hold on it.

Enter his family. He's burdened with glorious purpose and dealing with his own shit (drinking drinking) but he has to be the patriarch and he's on a struggle bus and along comes Garrett. Afton loves Garrett. Hell the whole family does and Garrett, the kid singled out, loves Freddy's. Maybe he doesn't love *FREDDY*.

*I WANNA AMEND THIS* Mike loves Freddy's. Mike is the one that breaks out Mike is the one that loves his dad and wants to follow in his footsteps and his dad is just like kid you are an idiot.

But that doesn't excuse the chances that Garrett loves Bonnie I mean

His dad is Bonnie. He knows his daddy is Bonnie. We only see him *react to Freddy*. He's scared of Freddy. Cue Mike's prank. Afton's wife snaps

Mike is removed from the scenario. I am racking my brain as to how any parent could deal with something like the bite period. Idgaf you know it's an accident no parent could be declared competent after that. Like it's completely impossible.

And in his own way Afton loves his kids but one is dead and one was is removed for his safety and Afton learns his kid is possessing febby and then he goes after the kids at his party and buries them in the forest. That they now also haunt.

So here's a dad who was sort of absent and burdened and kinda massively needed therapy and he has 3 tragedies take place at once. His family is broken. He has to put it back together. So he learns about Garrett and he can't let Freddy's go its his son's tomb and he's running his experiments.(also WHY KEEP ALL THE STUFF IN IT. ITS A TOMB). These are kids that tortured his kid and he's not thinking clearly so he lures Mike, the black sheep who was removed from the family but can't escape his legacy.

So who does he get to help him? Who is he doing his work with? Who is taking care of her beloved dad?

Elizabeth.

Maybe it's Vanessa Elizabeth Afton, maybe it's Elizabeth Vanessa Afton but she's in yellow. She knows all the things. She's got flashbacks. Mike is dealing with unimaginable trauma. He hasn't seen his sister since she was small.

It's 2 siblings reuniting and their 3rd being the only one on top of it.

Cue springtrap. Maybe Vanessa bites it too but she's her dad's right hand but he wants his son back too. He is going to do being a dad right this time. Whatever the cost.

#fnaf movie #fnaf #elizabeth afton #vanessa #william afton #michael afton #mike schmidt #abby schmidt #fnaf movie theory #fnaf movie spoilers #mustard guy #orange guy

[lexa-griffins]

Accidental stimulation trope between Alpha Clarke and Omega Lexa

Maybe Clarke goes to the doctor for her physical where Lexa is her nurse/doctor. During her checkup, Lexa brushes against Clarke's crotch and gives her a boner underneath her hospital gown. They're both embarrassed so Lexa offers to help Clarke get rid of it

👀

Clarke has kind of been putting out going to the doctor for her physical for... months now. Its not that Clarke dislikes doctors but frankly having lived with one most of her life, she just doesnt have the patience. However she finally decided to drag her ass to the doctor and get it done.

And then immediately want to leave when her usual doctor isnt in and some doctor Woods is the one to see her.

Clarke's doctor is this older beta who always looks unimpressed with just about anything, constantly reminding Clarke that nothing looks bad but that it could look much better if she had a healthier lifestyle. Its nice, predictable. Always the same old.

As she sits on the medical table playing with her thumbs she hears the door opened and she didnt really expect a hot, 30 something omega to be the one to greet her. She doesnt smile particularly but she isnt rude either, which is already a nice change of pace.

Clarke admits she has to hold her breath anytime she touches her somewhere during the exam. Which does seem to cause some confusion for the doctor who asks her if she caused her any pain and seems to doubt Clarke when she answers no.

Its when Clarke is laying on her back and the doctor is pressing on her stomach that disaster strikes. Clarke's been doing great at not staring at the small hint of cleavege dr woods open coat shows through her shirt, or the way said coat clings to her ass when she bends over to pick anything. Or just how nice and pillowy her lips look and or she wonders how they must look like around-

Oh. Something... something brushed her. In her little alpha special place.

"Oh, sorry."

"Its fine."

It isnt. And she knows the omega knows it isnt. Because horny smells like horny and if the doctor didnt catch the scent, the obvious tent is Clarke's jeans is more than a dead give away.

"Oh." Its all the doctor says when she catches the very obvious boner.

"Oh my god, im so sorry." Clarke wonders is she can just grab her shit and run away. Well, she isnt sure she can run right now. Maybe waddle away?

"Does this happen often with you? Getting erect this fast?"

Jesus fuck "I mean, I guess. Its pretty sensitive most of the time."

The doctor looks very pretty when she's thinking this hard. Christ Griffin.

"May I?" The dr Woods hand go for her zipper and Clarke wonders is this is actually happening.

"Hm. Sure?" Real stellar confident alpha energy there.

Her bone pops out of her pants, standing full mast proudly. Fine day to go commando.

"Do you have hard time making it go soft afterwards?"

"Sometimes. I usually need to... go at it for a bit."

The doctor nods, staring at her dick, "Given your size I'd say is expected, rather impressive."

Weirst mental high five of Clarke's life really. Thats all Clarke expected. The doctor turns away, leaving Clarke on the bed with dick fully out and the alpha is trying to gain the courage to ask if she can put it away. That is until the doctor turns around. Her coat has been discarded on the chair, and her hair is being pulled up in a ponytail. Her blue gloves are also gone.

"It would be of very bad hospitality of me to let you go outside with a boner I provoked in the first place. So I'm just gonna ask to relax and take a deep breath for me, could you do that, Clarke?" The doctor explains and she sits on the small rolling bech right by Clarke's crotch on the bed.

What the fuck is she supposed to do? Say no to the hot doctor who wants to turn her dreaded physical into a damn porno?

"Go ahead?"

Clarke has had some wild ass fantasies. But watching her very very hot doctor grab her dick and lick the tip of her head was definitely not one she thought would come true. And really, all Clarke can do is watch and fucking /feel/.

Because oh is this woman good with her fucking mouth.

"Ah, dr-"

"Lexa."

"Hm?"

"Lexa, my name's Lexa. Might as well have you know my real name." Lexa says with a smirk and Clarke nods. Smoothly, the doctor drops her head again, this time wrapping her lips entirely around Clarke's head.

Damn, what an omega.

Clarke is sure she'll wake up at any time now. But she doesn't. And the doctor keeps on taking more andore of her dick inside of her mouth, up until the point she clearly cant anymore, and her hand comes to stroke the few inches she is unable to keep inside.

She is a fucking professional, Clarke will give her that. Clarke cant recall ever being this ready to cum in so little time.

"Fuck, Lexa, I'm gonna... ah"

Lexa brings her head up, continuing to stroke the base of Clarke's dick, "Go ahead. Id rather you do it in my mouth so its a easier clean up."

Clarke truly wants to say something that makes her sound hot and confident. Instead all she does is nod and moan as Lexa's mouth wraps around her again.

She feels the soft tonguenof the doctor lick her head once more and Clarke cant hold it anymore.

The sight of the woman swallowing her cum without any trouble could make her cum again. And yet, she doesnt feel fully satisfied.

"Is it normal for your knot to form when you arent in rut?"

Oh yeah. That makes sense, "I think I am in rut."

Lexa chuckles and for the first time aince she got here Clarke sees her smile. In her post nut alpha brain. She swear she looks like an angel.

"You are... quite impressive." Coat back on, Lexa sits in her chair typing something on her computer as Clarke sits awkwardly on the chair, dick safe and soft back in her pants, "Very girthy for an alpha your age and height." Theres a pause as if the doctor is trying to collect herself, "you are also very healthy, I no real pointers for you. You may need to drink a little more water. You talked a obout feeling a little cooped up even when you go outside so joining a gym might do you somd good, some alphas tend to find it helps them manage adrenaline. Other than that,"

Clarke watches her scribble something on a small piece of paper and sign a few papers for Clarke's suppressants.

"You're good to go. Your regular doctor should be back in next time you come here. I do hope to see you again tho."

Clarke isnt really sure what to say. Thank you for sucking me off, it was great meeting you?, "yeah you too. And thank you. For... you know..."

Lexa bites her lip, "my pleasure."

Clarke is already in her car when she looks down at the small card Lexa gave her.

Dr Woods. Primary Care.

Underneath theres a number that Clarke assumes to be her professional one scratched out. Next to it, with a hand writting far too pretty for a doctor, is a newer number with a heart beside her.

Guess Lexa isnt expecting to see her again as a patient.

#letter opened #wanheda's dagger #🫣 this one is awful im so sorry

[liverobinreaction]

🖊️, 🌈 (banshee in a well), 💻 ?

IM SORRY I KNOW THIS IS OVER A MONTH LATE, i lost the original ask post and it took me ages to find it BUT I FOUND IT so boom! late but here

ask game here

🌈 What inspired you to write banshee in a well?

basically, i had just been thrown head first into the batman fandom and was scouring through ao3 for things to read, before i kind of. ran out. this was during the weeks i was meant to be studying and writing an essay, and i was doing literally anything except that, so i had a lot of time on my hands. now, ive always been a sucker for fake character death and angst, so i decided hey, why not shove my newest blorbo tim into something like that! initially, it was going to be a one shot where tim was trapped in a collapsing building and was crushed to death, only to crawl his way out eventually while the bats were looking for his body. i wrote the beginning, and then when i looked back up i had 10k words and a completely different plot. and so banshee in a well was born.

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

yes and no! i try to actively avoid writing stuff that requires a lot of technical knowledge because im a) lazy, and b) easily distractible. the moment i start researching when i want to write means i tend to fall down a wikipedia rabbit hole and end up with knowledge about 9th century chinese concubines. do not ask. BUT that doesnt mean i never do it, especially if im writing about a specific culture or religion. for example, i did some research into jewish funeral practices for banshee in a well, and read some articles by rabbis about whether you need to sit shiva for neglectful parents.

ive also been doing a bit of research into stomach cancer atm for 'and you know this will be gone in the morning'. i also absolutely got on a watch list while looking up other things for banshee, such as: how long does it take for blood to be deoxygenated, how do you get down from a noose, can you survive a ruptured lung.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

here's a bit from my generational depression fic 'To Find Forgiveness In The Weeds' (cw: depression and suicidal thoughts). thanks for the ask!!!

There isn’t really any sort of final straw. Maybe it would be better if there was some kind of definitive moment that he could point to and say ‘there, that’s where it all started, that’s what made me this way’. He almost wishes there was a catalyst like that, because then it would be a lot easier to explain away most of it. But Tim’s life has never been straightforward, so instead, it goes like this:

At 8am in the morning on a Tuesday, as he’s getting ready for work, Tim looks into the mirror while adjusting his tie, and realises that he doesn’t want to be alive anymore.

A mental breakdown would be easier. This sort of quiet realisation doesn’t really give much way to screaming and crying, nor is there anything he can even do with it. Granted, he’s always thought of dying in some sort of manner, but he’s never bluntly admitted to himself that he’d prefer to be dead. Most of the time, it shows up in an abstract, distant way. The temptation of a high rooftop, the ease of a subway track, the simplicity of a rope. Sometimes he’ll see death traps and feel a pull towards it. Not an active wish, so much as a temptation. A soft, gentle thought of ‘I’m tired. Wouldn’t it be nice to be dead?’

But it’s always been chased away, the logistics of actually dying and their impact keeping him away from ledges and chairs. The clean-up would be such a hassle, his brain would point out, and he’d agree. Someone would have to scrape him off the floor or tracks if he was selfish enough to do it in public, and that’s not even mentioning the traumatised passer-by’s. Ultimately, killing himself would cause more trouble than it’s worth, and that’s always been enough for him to ignore those thoughts and chalk them up to a flight of fancy or a call to the void rather than genuine suicidal ideation.

There’s none of that when he looks in the mirror and consciously acknowledges that maybe, just maybe, Tim doesn’t really want to live anymore. That, if given the chance, he can’t confidently say he wouldn’t take such an opportunity.

It’s a strange thought to have, and he finally lets his hands drop away from his tie as he observes himself. He’s seen suicidal people before, of course, both as Tim Drake and Robin and Red Robin. He watched as Bruce threw himself into deadlier and deadlier fights, uncaring of the consequences. He’s gently talked to people shivering on the edge of a skyscraper, eyes screaming for help despite their hollowness.

He doesn’t really fit that image, though logically, he knows that depression takes different forms. And that’s another thought that stops him and makes him furrow his brow. Is he depressed? Depression tends to cause suicidal ideation, so it would make sense, but once again, he’s never needed a therapist or broken down in tears from sadness.

He takes a few steps back to perch on his unmade bed. Messiness is a sign of depression, he remembers, but he’s always been messy. His father was the same way.

Except...

He glances around his room, frowning at the overflowing waste basket, the crumpled up cans and balled up protein wrappers. Clothes are haphazardly dumped into a corner, because he rarely has the energy to put them away. There’s dust everywhere except his bed, bathroom and desk, and kitchen roll still sticks to a spot on the carpet where he spilled some soda and forgot to clean it up.

It isn’t exactly the expected luxury penthouse of a CEO.

His room in Wayne Manor had been untidy, but it was the general clutter of a distracted teenager. He would still throw trash away, would dust and mop up spills when needed, because Alfred had enough on his plate already and tidying their rooms had always been their own responsibility.

His apartment, however, is messy in a way that indicates he’s stopped caring.

The thought is quiet in his mind, but it’s enough to stop everything else.

Has he?

Has he stopped caring?

#long post #bug replies #ask #anonymous #ask game #my writing #to find forgiveness in the weeds #banshee in a well #tw suicide

[himbos-hotline]

Please tell me about the hairtie fic I wish for pain

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

SO

its offically titled "Maybe this time, he'll stay" and it started as an idea that Jay and their parnters giving them things that people would see as trash. Like Hanger giving them beer bottle caps that Jay makes them into badges, adam gives him tabs off his monsters, wheeler gives them flowers that she can press into her scrapbook. And Kenny gives her a hairtie, something that seems so useless and kinda gross because its been in his mouth and in his hair and hes slept in it. But he puts in on and kisses her wrist and it goes from "he may need it" to "hes gonna stay because the band around my arm- its a promise that he'll return."

This makes place around kennys and hagners fued. Wheeler has a family emergency and isnt there, Cole gets injured pretty early on and thus hes gone. And then Kenny starts to change- slow at first and then its like a volcano errupting. Hes arguing with Adam more and their tagteam dissolves [much like what we see in AEW canon] Jay keep nursing a drunk hanger and waits up a night for kenny to return from seeing the bucks but he always comes back to their hotel room and curls up in bed and apologises and explains that he "doesnt feel like himself sometimes." and Jay nods and holds him while making sure that adams still breathing. They go on their own work- having to beat wheels for the ROH pure title [Im fucking around with the timeline so the BCC exists while the elite stuff is going on] so he can go help his family.

Jay keeps wearing the hairtie to the point shes not seen without it. Until the match where Kenny gives up with being adams caregiver and loosing because his heart isnt in the wrestling matches they have or theyre bickering and their relationship is falling apart with their tagteam. So he lets them fall and storms out of the arena. its just Jay and adam and she stays awake sitting on a chair by the window, watching the sky waiting for kenny to turn up to collect his stuff. He should be back, he promised that hed always come back. Jay paces around the hotel room, cleans the best she can without waking up hanger and its only when she goes to close the curtains because the sun is rising and its gonna hit his face does Jay spot the hairtie and suddenly all the meanings feels rotten and stale. So Jay takes off the hairtie and chucks it into the front of her suitcase

the mark on their arm seems to be implanted in his skin, likes someones taken a knife and carved sections of his arm off. and jay feels somewhat naked without it and suddenly in the silence of morning Jay feels empty and like shes fallen against concrete. So she just goes to curl up against her sleeping cowboy and when he wakes up its a day to wallow in the saddest that kennys left behind because the two of them are morning. Theres the potential of sad soft sex where its only for the two of them to be reminded that the other is still there, that the heat theyre feeling is real and so are they. Jay ventures out to get food cuz depression cannot win and everything makes them feel sick and jay just returns with crooked fruit that adam cuts up and the two of them share a plate of crooked, bruised fruits.

Its dark outside when Regal asks Jay to go train with him and Mox- even if its just running on a treadmill and Jay, after so much convincing, goes and when he and mox are changing together mox goes "wheres the hairtie?" And suddenly that gross feeling is back. Jay wants to retreat back to Adam and hold him, cling to him until the realness of him reminds Jay that shes not the only one hurting because she sees it when he looks at his eyes. This shared sadness between people who understand each other. But Jay cant run away so his reply is just "it broke. everythings broken."

her big brother nods and kinda goes "I dunno why you even wore a hairtie." Because jay had short hair. And jay kinda sits there for a little while while working out thinking about why. Why did they wear it? What did it mean? Was it just a hairtie to Kenny when it was this everlasting looping connection to Jay? Jay leaves training early leaving to smoke out back and wollow and feel gross and bad and suddenly one smoke isnt enough and wheeler notices the taste of smoke on her tongue when they go to kiss goodbye.

The anger turns into sadness cuz Jay really is alone and hanger and Kenny are fighting and jays in the middle and Kenny won't look st him when they pass in the corridor and they talk through the Bucks and there's nothing of normal in the polycule. And then one day he passes Kenny on the corridor and they make eye contact and his eyes are so blue and bright and it's so awkward and jay stays awake thinking bout how numb they feel. Everything; their friends, their partners everything that ever mattered to Jay suddenly is a weapon and can end. everything ends, everything dies, memento mori and remember that life doesnt matter so fuck everything and who cares if youre killing yourself slowly? Maybe then youll see a real angel.

Jay smokes more and it happens by accident. Cigarette ash lands on her legs and it leaves behind that perfect scattering of marks that looks golden and the pain feels good, feel true. And so Jay ends up putting out her cigaerettes against her shoulders or anywhere thats covered by her clothes and ring gear. Its her version of going out to the bar and drinking until ya head spins. Smoke pickled euphoria.

Jay gets angry at herself for smoking more and for hating the kenny that exists now and that anger manifests and mixes with their sadness and he starts to feel like hes weighed down JAy misses the kenny that they had and misses the softness in the way he used to treat hanger

Jay smokes more and gets a little grasp of happiness when familiar hands cover his eyes one day while in his ring gear and it's just "did you miss me sweetheart?" "Adam !!" Because Cole is back. And Jay gets so wrapped up in the joy of finally having a polycule member back. And he's mended and loved and Jay takes off their ring shirt

And Cole noticed the bruises and the burn marks and "love shouldn't burn jay." And so Cole becomes designated Jay looker afterer. They don't tell hangy about the burns and hanger doesn't question much why jay keeps his shirt and is quick to get dressed again. Or only shift and move from behind. The burns heal and jay kisses them both. And they're happy. They're home. Even if Cole follows her everywhere and hanger clings to them both when sleeping. Its a weird mournful sort of normal like family meeting at a fuenral. Theres some fluff smothered in now that Jay isnt able to wrestle since hes "gotten hurt" and jay slowly starts to seperate themselves from the adams because he feels bad for hurting when the two of them are- staying in their own seperate hotel room.

When Kenny signs the contract in blood, Hanger spends the night in the hospital and when Jay comes back to their hotel room kenny is standing there waiting for zem. Jay isnt happy to see him but also a part of her heart is- he pushes himself into Jays room and the two of them argue. To the point where Jay brings up Kota and "youre not golden kenny! you were never the golden one!" and kenny brings up and tears down everything about Jay its angry and angsty and jay lights a cig and kenny makes a joke and jay replies with "people should betrays their partners but here we fucking are,"

And then Kenny noticed that Jays hurt. Either from a match or training or maybe Jay punching the alleyway wall behind the dailys place. and Kenny takes her hand and kisses her bloodied knuckles and "oh baby girl-" "you don't get to call me that." And Kenny being the asshole he is it's "even when you hate me. You're still my baby." And jay grabs his shirt and pulls him close. They stare and jay breathes smoke against his lips and it makes Kenny cough and the gap between them gets smaller and insert angry sex here because the two of them are still partners and in the morning Jay wakes up alone.

theres an awkward conversation where Jay feels like theyve cheated on the adams and hanger explains that jays allowed to sleep with his boyfriend because Jay shouldnt be involved and thats where Jay and hanger sharing drinks comes from. hanger excuses himself form his own hotel room and finds kenny and argue that he cant do the shit he does with him to jay because "jay still thinks you love him!" and Kenny is awkwardly quiet because he does still love jay, but something, someone. a voice in his head told him to leave so he did. Jay doesnt seem intrested in him anymore because jay wasnt wearing the hairtie so clearly that means that the bond between them is broken- and its all kennys fault. But he cant tell hanger that so he just sits quietly and lets the cowboy yell until theres tears on his cheeks and he just goes "im going to the bar."

hanger wins the title, jay meets his folks and the two of them are happy for the first time in a while. Kenny gets better slowly on his own after taking time away and slowly repairing the relationships hes shattered. He apologises to the bucks for making them his errand boys and evetnually a weary and emotionally upset kenny bites the bullet and so he turns up on Jays hotelroom doorstep and the two of them have a conversation and kenny finally explains that he has "other people." in his head and Jay doesnt fully understand but they comfort each other and the two of them talk from the hearts and in the end Kenny falls asleep on jays bed and jay cant bare to part with the sudden warmth thats growing in her chest and so they lay down and the two of them sleep together and when Jay wakes up kenny is there still curled into his side.

The polycule has a conversation about what happened and kenny slowly settles back into his place there and theres a lot of pussyfooting and finally Kenny curls up behind the cowboy and plays with Jays hair and torments her about their love of storms and finally it rains and they all go outside and just lay in the grass feeling like moss is consuming them and finally theres normality. Wheeler comes back and his family emergency is fixed and fine and everythings healed up. And its one small warm night where Jay lays between kennys legs, dangles one hand over Cole's eyes, places his legs on Wheelers and listens to adam humming while he reads. Theyre all together and touching.

and

"Kenny tell me about your video game?" and hes a little aprehensive because Jay hasnt got the first clue about the games he plays but he turns off the punchy sounds, turns up the music and slowly settles into a rhythm while resting his controller/switch on the back of jays neck to pinn them against him and. "Hey kenny?" "hmm?" "welcome home."

#mouse has pals #shanie the toyaddict #FIC: the hairtie fic #FIC: maybe this time #OC: jay orton

[luciditymoonsstuff]

I made my own au!

credit if use)

SOOOOOOO

i don't have a name, it would be great if someone gave me a idea for ibt but here it is!

sorry in advance for the typos!

Everything is normal. Stan and ford have a great relationship, their kids, blah blah blah.

whats different is:

stan accidentally broke the project.

he left and went home, scared something would happen.

a few minutes later, the door opens and blendin is there. He didnt want bill to be back so he fixed the project himself and poofed.

Next day, Ford presents his project and they accept him.

Stans upset, of course but congratulates Ford like nothing happens.

The day of Ford leaving:

Stan isnt there, hes just on the swing. alone.

Ford is about to get on the plane then he realizes, stans not there.

despise his parents yells, he runs to a taxi and rides back to his home as fast as possible.

he sees stan there and runs to him.

stan and ford arent talking, just on the swings. (Fords plane left already)

Ford starts to talk but is interupted by Stan getting up and Leaving. Ford runs up to stan and grabs his arm before stan goes inside fully.

"..I want you here with me, Stanley. I didnt realize that we need eachother- *i need you.*" - Ford

Stan turns around and hugs Ford.

A few days later: (Ford stays btw)

Ford suggests moving to gravity falls and research the weirdness there. Stan agrees and they move there.

Ford finds the bill stuff on the cave and says it out loud.

He tells Stan and he immediately goes into protective brother mode and follows Ford the entire time.

Ford gets mad at Stan for pretending like he needs protecting and they argue.

Stan goes into the shack for the rest of the day.

Ford goes under a tree and since hes been up at night, he gets tired and sleeps.

Bill shows up in fords dream and manipulates him into making stan so mad hes so close to leaving.

Then, Stan makes ford think about the deal he just made with a random 'all knowing being'. Stan ends up staying to serectly keep Ford not insane or possessed or something.

A few days later, Fords been- acting a bit, *paranoid*. Stan doesnt know why so he asks ford.

Ford just skips the question and starts walking away.

This time, stan grabs Fords arm and pulls him over to the chair in the kitchen and sits on the opposite side of the table in the middle.

"You cant escape now. might as well tell me." -stan

"its nothing, can i go *'sleep"* now?" -Ford

"really poindexter? You clearly havent slept in a while." -stan

"..fair enough.." -Ford

"Now tell me sixer." -stan

"Im fine." -Ford

"mhm, i totally believe you." -stan

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Ford tells Stan about bills half failed plan.

Bills got a puppet but no tools.

After that night, stan started being beside Ford every single day. even when Ford slept, meaning stan has seen bord/bill possessing ford.

Ford and stan spent years

*(atleast 5-10, so they would be however old they were when they saw eachother for the first time since stans kick out in the OG timeline)*

trying everything to stop bill. Even Unicorns, they said they werent "pure of heart" which may have been true.

Ford and stan talked through

through many cries, fights, normal talking, everything. They agreed that they would build the portal, go in, stop bill, and immediately get out and be free of bill.

They needed one person who was great at robots and more.

Fiddleford.

The twins met him through backupshmore since Ford didng go to his dream college.

They called up fiddleford and they immediately worked on the portal.

The day of the testing, Fiddleford accidentally went into the portal but the twins pulled him out.

Fiddleford left after that- that *terrible sight*

And so stan got mad at Ford for not paying attention and manipulating him into agreeing. He didnt even tell fiddleford about bill, they both didnt.

They fought for a good 5 minutes until ford got pushed onto the lever to turn on the portal. Ford got up and jumped onto stan.

Slowly, they both started to levatate and got sucked into the portal.

Fiddleford came back because he Left his computer and he heard the twins scream.

He ran down and saw them get sucked into the portal.

the portal closed and Fiddleford was left alone.

He looked around for the journals and couldn't find them.

He had completely forgot how to build it after the 1st memory wipe.

He decided that the twins did something so idiotic but he needed to get them back.

He spent 30 years getting them back.

(He was pretty much grunkle stan but his name is still fiddleford but he said that he was their grunkle)

The entire summer was the same but fiddle was "grunkle fiddle" and then he was just "fiddle" when he got stan and ford back.

#gravity falls #short story #stanford pines #stanley pines #fiddleford hadron mcgucket

[flowermist7432]

I like to think Lonnie's personality is one of more favorite ocs i get to write a draw becauss its my favorite character type. LONG Ramblings below,, beware!!!

Lonnie is, to say...He's blunt, everything he says is exactly what he means! He'll happily say "nope!" To your face if he doesnt like what you are saying and keep doing whatever it is he's doing. However he isnt MEAN. He's just honest, although a bit long winded and choppy. Such as

"Im so TERRIBLY sorry my dear man, But i am in dire need your help to find my whereabouts of my location! Im verrrry lost! 8]c"

"Wowie, thats awwwfully rude! Bye bye!"

"Can I see your video playing device, of which i can use for photography means! This small insect on the table, and i wish to capture this brief moment!"

Like, sir you could have said that so much easier!!! But you didnt and thats perhaps very cool if you..

He doesnt facially emote that well and he knows it! All he does is a smiley look so he relys on the things he says and expressive tone or maybe even a crooked brow or squint. Drawing out certain words to bring emphasis on them! Sorta like Emmet, where he too repeats phrases..

If he doesnt like you he'll just say "i do not like you!" And walk away because he..does not like you!!! Being mean isnt his game!

But while people are guided by heart over mind or mind over heart, Lonnie leads with both mind and heart, because logically in his mind he deals with facts and rules he understands and then that alows his heart to do as it pleases!

Theres a point in my story where some very beat up, ripped apart scribbled on doll mocks him asking if he thinks he can just call her pretty and beautiful. She's clearly been scarred and hurt by the loss of her conventional attractiveness and now she's so tied to her own looks she's lost herself in such anger and pettyness! To which he says he doesnt think she's pretty, no. Because he doesnt think she is, but to him thats not insulting.

"No. I do not think you are pretty...!" And followed by a swift "But i do not think that matters. You deserve love and respect regardless of your looks, not in despite of them or because of them! Telling you that you are beautiful will not make you feel better, no... I think you want to hear that but its not what you need!"

People respecting their body regardless of their looks to him are more important than slapping on a simple "you are pretty" over a obviously deeper issue that needs to be confronted. And he sees that! He could easily say "noooo *i* think your pretty!" But it wouldnt have made her any happier since thats not the thing thats needs fixing!

Most of all, Lonnie cares, he isnt stupid. His dopey exterior makes him seem either sarcastic or aloof and dumb. But the truth is, he's incredibly observant and sweet. And logically goes about a situation and leads with his heart! Because in his mind, whats the point of being cynical and mean? It doesnt benefit anyone! He loves learning things, learning is half the fun of living! Lonnie doesnt understand smart people who blame smarts on their reasons for being rude and uppity. For him, he sees knowledge as a reason even more for him to be polite and accepting!And therefore i cant see myself writing him as anything but a relaxed, chilled joyus man with a fondness for discovery.

He reminds me of the lyric from play rehearsal "Most humans do one thing for all of their livesz the thought of that gives me hives!"

Lonnie is terrible at baking, they are edible and probably still tastey but not that presentable i suppose, but he learned it and hes having fun! All cosmetics doesnt matter much. He's a walking wikipedia, ask him about jars..he'll explain the ins and outs of a jar! What about a jar of pickles!!! Bugs! Chairs! How pencils are made now thats a good one! He'll go on and on! He'll happily read you a book the man has nothing better to do!!! He's my special boy and i love writing him dearly,,

#AAA RAMBLED SO HARD #no one will read this...but i wrote it and thats pretty neat of me...! #lonnie b honey #lonnie #ramblings #so many spelling mistakes and i do not care!!!

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Time for episode 15 lets hope Garroths not fucken dead

Oh man the doctors voice

The opening scene stays exactly the same, I might have to adjust the doctor's line about the Lord of Brightport being missing for a week now, bc I might change the timeline a bit there

Im making it so thats nighttime during that opening scene and when Aph leaves for Brightport for the sake of ~°•*Atmosphere*•°~

Her little exchanges w/ the doctor n Dale stay the same (save for his mention of Thorgi), I would linger a bit more on Aphmau looking Garroth whos breathing heavily and struggling n stuff

Kiki is sitting at some kind of table or on a chair while Brendan is pacing around a few meters away from Garroth, Kikis dialogue stays the same but she just gives Aph the doll rather than telling her its inside the chest

Brendans dialogue stays the same, Aphmau actually tries to say something to him about how its not his fault but he just goes "No." and then leaves, maybe Kiki follows

After that she goes out, asks Emmalyn to make sure Meowki doesnt die while shes gone and packs everything else she needs, I'll say that she has a golden sword (maybe she got when fighting zombies one day or smth) but its kinda broken so. thats not great

Im cutting her exchanges w/ Donna, Logan n Zoey, theyre kinda pointless and I want her to get to Brightport right after packing everything, so no going to the plaza (I might give Logan some dialogue about how he feared he was set up for failure here but is grateful Donna got him to stay, once everything is settled though)

While shes sailing, shes already thinking about how to best convince the Lord of Brightport to help, shes not really thinking about finding him or how to find bc she doesnt even want to think about the possibility of not being able to find and bring him over to Garroth in time

She arrives and is greeted by Azura, I find the way she greets her really weird though?? Like, they killed zombies together and Aphmau tried to talk (ig) but she went all Professional Guard on her (as she should tbh), so this is just idk. weird to me. I think Aphmau should approach her and Azura should be more like "Oh its you! I remem-" only for Aph to interrupt her and tell her all about Garroth in a panic

The rest of the convo pretty much continues the same way it does in the OG, I'll just tweak the dialogue itself later bc it sounds particularly unnatural here to me

Also, Visher's wife does have a name and its Merida, I was very off

So yea, then Aphmau rushes off to Merida, (maybe she pushes some people around bc shes in such a hurry idk) and talks to her

I'll keep Merida's greeting but move the "I trust youve taken care of the one who killed my husband" line bc idk man, it sounds so unnatural there too, I'll just have Aphmau cut her off too and ask her about the missing Lord. Merida gets kinda upset and says her line ("I trust youve taken care etc etc"), Aphmau answer truthfully and Merida responds the way she does in the OG

So Merida throws her out, Aphmau begs her to help but she keeps ignoring her, Aphmau starts to despair and almost runs off to try and find help elsewhere but then she notices this kid John who seemingly heard everything

Her exchange w/ John is the same, maybe I'll extend it a little but its mostly fine

Then she asks around in order to find this cabin, (she doesnt just enter qny of the houses) has some interactions w/ the Brightportians who are all on high alert, maybe theyre kinda snapping at Aphmau and she starts getting even more anxious

She tries looking through some of the house"s windows and sees that the inhabitant of one of them is passed out and when she checks the door, she notices that she can easily open it. She's kinda like "Uhhhhhhhh this is a really bad thing to do, but Ive got no time to lose and I'll just quickly check this house for this friend of John's and then I'll leave right away" before sneaking

She sees the wolf child in the cell and shes like. "is that what John meant?? I mean, werewolves are apparently A Thing so this actually makes a lot of sense" and then she just breaks the door open. I mean, she tries to be delicate and quiet about it bc theres a guy sleeping but still.

She opens the door, has the same exchange w/ the wolf child she has in the OG and grabs them

Aph is just about to leave the basement when Uh Oh, the hunter got woken up by her breaking down the door and is now standing right there! Fortuntely for Aphmau, hes all groggy and confused and hangover n all that, so she pulls some manuvers and ends up locking him in his own basement. Shes panicking at this point and just runs out of the house, wolf child in arms, everyone can see her but no one stops her as she runs as far away into like, the woods as possible

Wooooooooo done w/ this one now finally

#lunas mcyt shit #my mc/d rewrite

[tentavamp]

I don’t really make life updates on here because im not really like. “exciting” or on at reasonable times or up to date on what everyone’s talking about to join in on the conversation… or producing any content worth paying attention to… but my god i’m fucking going through it so im sorry but i need to write a little vent diary entry here.

I’m kinda half moved in with my paternal grandmother, because she’s at the age now where she needs some help here and she doesnt trust strangers, so my family enlisted me to help as sort of a little part time job thing that they would pay me for (they havent started paying me yet). I’ve been here a few weeks but all of my stuff, including my critters, are back home. it’s only 30 or so minutes away but it’s fucking me up.

I feel like I don’t live anywhere right now. all of my stuff is back home and i can’t keep constant vigil over my animals. my dad keeps calling me a hoarder and won’t just let me move all of my stuff here as if i actually WAS living here. i cant stay with my girlfriend because the longer im away the worse i feel and the more they imply im not fit to help her. i’m supposed to just doing small stuff around the house for my grandmother but somehow im not doing it good enough.

I’ve been hyper paranoid about listening out for any sounds that might mean that she needs my help. My sleep schedule is so fucked because of it.

But even though im fucking trying to be hyper aware at all times, she fell while she was getting up out of her chair this morning. it was at like 5 am and i didn’t hear her and wake up until like 7. i feel so fucking awful. im already wracked with so much guilt about not doing a good job and feeling guilty for being so depressed. im trying extremely hard to fend off those kinds of feelings towards myself but the longer the morning goes on im just getting more creeping dread and feel like i’m gunna have another breakdown. my last one was only last week. my girlfriend has to deal with it all because we’re trying to move out together and she’s one of the only people i can really talk to. i cant express this to my parents.

I’m so emotionally exhausted, tired, haven’t really been eating when i should. i feel isolated and ive been trying to focus on myself to do things with friends but if i go out too much i feel guilty. i feel fucking trapped and i want to leave so bad, but i cant until me and my girlfriend are able to finalize our plans to move.

It sounds so awful to say this but for my grandma’s sake I hope she passes peacefully soon. She hates living like this, she tells me that she doesn’t know why god has kept her here and given her all of these ailments that she’s suffering from. She simultaneously feels smothered by her kids and like she’s a burden to all of us. And as much as I don’t want her to die, I don’t want her to have to live like this anymore, and it’s hard for me to live like this seeing her suffer.

Frankly I do not know what to do and I have been too tired to interact with people. I just feel really hollow in an extremely complex way right now. I feel like I’m tangled up in knots that I can’t undo.

#sorry to be depressing #im happy that i have a work from home job now but it’s still hard sometimes #expecially when i’m living here like this #bone rattling

[blackvail22]

the way i told her that smoking around me makes my pain worse and she said "sorry" n did it anyway and now my nose is throbbing, my eyes are burning, and my throat feels extremely dry (which is bad!)

and she also woke me up (knowing that i havent slept more than an hour at a time) and now i cant sleep because im in pain!!

hopefully my medicine kicks in and also makes me tired because ooo im so pissed rn!!!

doesnt help that i cant speak and have to type everything

also the fact she told me before i went into surgery she hopes i die so she doesnr have to deal w me anymore 💀

I JUST SAID THAT SHES MEAN TO ME ... SHE LITERALLY PROVED MY POINT

yes, ik she goes out of her way to take me to my appts n work n stuff but that doesnt change the fact she tells me she hopes i die, how much she hates me, etc....

there is no way in hell she feels other ppls pain because then she wouldnt be so disrespectful and make me feel how i feel and not care

im not even supposed to be near cigarette smoke to begin w

also my surgery was delayed an hour and she was pissed the entire time because i told her she was mean to me and how she just wanted to go smoke a cigarette n i told her she could and she wouldnt (literally refused) until it reached around an hour and 10 minutes. there was literally a time during that where she walked away for literally 10 seconds (all she did was walk out the room, go down the hallway, and then come back) and was like "oh you're still here?" in a disgusting tone and then sat in the chair farthest from me, pulled out her weed vape pen, inhaled for a bit and blew it in my face. and then she went to the chair next to me and did it again. (btw, it made me short of breath so i rlly appreciate her for that!! /s) oh and while she refused to go downstairs she kept doing little things that inconvenienced me... she moved the hospital remote away from me so if i needed a nurse i couldnt reach it (it was the side of me my iv was on), she kept hitting the handle that makes the bed go down whenbi told her i wanted to sit up (she would hit it for a second and it would make me jerk down and make me not comfortable anymore), she turned the air in my room to the coldest it can be, she mumbled to herself abt me (all i could make out was "....kill herself....that would be great"), and she also made a scene in the hospital !!

also im pretty sure her n that weed pen thing is why i reacted differently to my anesthesia (i kept falling sleep every 30 seconds)

oh n the fact i probably need another surgery????? thats gonna make me cry. i have to get a ct scan (again) and if i have to do it its so i dont get this disease when im older (why did i have to be made like this!!!)