#can u blame me?? my grades are still great tho

[faerielleart]

who is here for a really bad and random high school au that is completely self indulgent yo

in which levi loses a bet with erwin and mike and is forced to audition for their school’s production of les misérables, he tries to mess up the audition but somehow he still sucks less than everyone so he ends up getting the part of marius??? and he can’t quit because it will influence negatively on his grades??? idk imagine levi reading the script without knowing shit about the play and reading all the cheesy lines for the first time and him hating every single thing about this situation until the first day of rehearsal where he meets the person who will play cosette, his weird schoolmate hanji who shares some classes with him who is always spending time in the school laboratory to do experiments and shit and oh. Oh.

at first dude wants to Scream because he just can’t bear the thought of acting like a booby who is madly in love (quoting old les mis memes from years ago here) with this wEiRdO who somehow has a pretty fucking amazing voice and wow maybe this weirdo,,,,, isn’t a bad weirdo. how bizzarre

Maybe just maybe as the days go by they start spending time together because hey! Looks like they are polar opposites but at the same time they have SO! MANY! things in common!!! and they eventually use rehearsing as an excuse to spend even more time together! and they bond over the fact that they’re supposed to play characters who are SO distant and different from how they are irl and levi finds out that hanji tried to audition as a joke but got the part bc she can actually S I N G like an angel and has a really solid head voice and range despite being a mezzo and cosette needing a soprano bc her parents forced her to take lessons, while levi despite having a decent singing voice actually had to have the songs lowered a lil bc bby is a baritone in a tenor role and has never had lessons and can’t support all the notes but fear not! Hanji offers to teach him some tips and tricks and whoops now they’re spending even more time together

And maybe just maybe it becomes easier for levi to sing “in my life she has burst like the music of angels, the light of the sun, and my life seems to stop as if something is over and something has scarcely begun”, maybe it comes natural for levi to stutter his line in “a heart full of love, a heart full of song, i’m doing everything all wrong” because?? he is looking right at hanji’s really pretty brown eyes and he can’t concentrate?? and he hates feeling like this lmaooo like sweaty palms butterflies fast heartbeat,,,,, boi is in love and he doesn’t realize it he just thinks he’s constipated

anyway let’s spice shit up and add erwin to the mix! erwin knows hanji, they’re childhood friends and they actually met through their singing lessons, the dude who was going to play enjolras gets idk chicken pox and the director is frantically looking for a substitute, levi wants to get back at erwin for making him audition in the first place (it’s all in good faith tho it’s a joke and they’re best friends dw he just wants to have a lil revenge) and suggests erwin, not knowing that he and hanji know each other and that he actually has been trained in singing so yeah erwin gets called for a last-minute audition and dude SMASHES it the director’s crying tears of joy they found their authentic tall hot blonde enjolras who looks like he’d be a great commander and people would die for him (;DDDDD) and during rehearsal levi finds erwin and hanji chatting like old friends!! and dude’s like wtf do u know each other??? and hanji says hell yes we studied together since we were children :D and just because i am huge huge erumike trash lemme say that mike got a lil part bc they needed ensemble members and he got to play grantaire so yeah enjoy both e/R and erumike there we go erwin gets to act with his boyfriend!! and they both watch levi and hanji during rehearsal and see how they obviously pine for each other but are far too oblivious for their own good so they decide here and there that they must get those two together bc it’s exHAUSTING to watch them stare lovingly into each other’s eyes and hold hands and kiss and then brush it off saying “it’s just acting we literally have to play a couple”

anyway the day of the show is here ladies and gentlemen levi is nervous af but doesn’t show it, he has to act like a lovesick fool in front of the whole school, the students, the teachers, the parents, EVERYONE and oh my god i hate it here might become his gratuation quote but all he needs is hanji backstage who squeezes his hand and whispers “can’t wait for you to sweep me off my feet shorty” which is extremely cringy but hanji did it on purpose just to see levi get embarassed and he does lmao so yeah the show goes amazingly! levi went flat a few times on the higher parts but it’s totally normal bby’s not trained and he did great everyone praise the birthday boy he deserves it

it’s after the show that things get a lil sad for our boi bc now he doesn’t have to rehearse anymore and is afraid that hanji won’t spend time with him anymore bc the show’s over :(( but fear NOT hanji plans on glueing herself to his side for the rest of the schoolyear and until they graduate and even after that and years later they’ve graduated college they’ve been living together for a while and they go to see the actual show on bway done by professionals and hanji acts weird all evening and OH as they’re going home she stops in the middle of the streets and whips out two lil matching rings,,,,,,, and says the cringiest cheesiest fucking thing in the world that has levi groaning and facepalming,,,,,, hanji says “will u be the marius to my cosette” and yeah levi just sighs and puts the ring on his finger and they smooch under the moonlight aw isn’t that CUTE and they lived happily ever after victor hugo is smiling down at them from the afterlife and patting himself on the back for helping them get together

NOW THERE’S TOO MUCH FLUFF AND I NEED ANGST TO BALANCE IT OUT so imagine this is also a reincarnation au and whenever levi sings “empty chairs at empty tables” he gets a weird feeling in his stomach and he gets really emotional singing “oh my friends my friends forgive me that i live and you are gone, there’s a grief that can’t be spoken, there’s a pain goes on and on” and “oh my friends my friends don’t ask me what your sacrifice was for, empty chairs at empty tables where my friends will sing no more”?? He blames it on the character getting to him too much but then he sees the scene where the students sing drink with me and the lyrics “drink with me to days gone by, can it be you fear to die, will the world remember you when you fall, could it be your death means nothing at all, is your life just one more lie” sound really familiar and resonate with him somehow as if he heard similar words somewhere else already, he sees erwin playing enjolras and being a commander giving orders and singing “let others rise to take our place until the earth is free”, he sees the scene where all the students get shot at the barricade and die one by one and he feels his head pulse and he has the strongest feeling of deja-vu and suddenly everything goes black and he wakes up in the infirmary with a very worried hanji sitting on a chair beside him and he really can’t explain what happened except that he feels like he just woke up from a very long dream and he feels like he fought through a battle and hanji just waves it off as him taking the stanislavski technique a bit too seriously for a high school play but the feeling doesn’t really ever go away and sticks with him even years later whenever he hears les mis being mentioned

#levihan

[literaphobe]

Im so sorry...is your sister a minor

yeah she’s 17. i really don’t blame her it just sucks. anyway i think i needed to work through this but its also way too long so 

lol like that was supposed to be my birthday gift but it has now become a romantic getaway for a man and his gf (who is 18 years younger than him) and my sister and one of her friends. at like. one of the most expensive hotels in the country. the same man who guilted me into giving private tutoring to 8 students at a time while i was a student because he apparently is super poor and has no money and no job. (i started tutoring for extra money and to just. have a job. because he has also given me shit about that before too. if i don’t have a job i’m like a useless baby child who he can never trust to be responsible for her own life. turns out that was just a load of bullshit to trap me. and yeah i was teaching 8-9 students at some point and i think i was like telling him hey i don’t know if this is a good idea. its a little crazy. and he was like no u should keep doing it. its money u should just earn it. we aren’t doing great financially and at some point we might need ur help paying for ur sister’s tutoring classes. and so i did and it hurt me SO much last semester. + covid but also. it was tutoring mostly lmao) 

anyway i just. the thought of everything made me cry a lot in the shower lol. like that. quiet cry where u are sobbing uncontrollably but u have to mute it as much as possible so that ur mother who’s washing dishes in the kitchen doesn’t hear it

today we had some ikea furniture delivered. and i was assembling it. and my mom told me “when we were married i was always the one putting together the IKEA furniture. ur dad would always get frustrated and give up” and then in the shower i realized that’s exactly how my dad treats me lmao. i am.... his ikea furniture

so like. i can actually trace the most recent incident of abuse i faced from him back to when. i allowed him to “help” me with my university degree transfer issues. u know. because i couldn’t do the coding degree he pressured me into doing. and wanted to do something else (i could’ve gone to my uni open house w my friends. who ended up entering the arts faculty. and i WANTED to do psychology in the arts faculty too. but my dad and his gf were there. and they just. told me if i did that i would have no future and no job prospects when i graduated. which is SO fucking funny because both of them individually. their grades were super fucking shit and they were never good enough to get into the school that i did. so they had no fucking business telling me what i should or shouldn’t do. but i didn’t know that because they lied to me. my dad lied to me about so many things to scare me into thinking i couldn’t do anything. and at this point in my life. they were still monitoring my internet usage. and there were restrictions set on my phone. mere. months. before i was meant to be a university student. even getting restrictions off my phone was a big fight i had to have. i bought my own laptop with money i made from this f&b job because i knew if i waited for them to get one for me i would be waiting forever. and i was just so fucking scared of them so i got a. ‘practical’ degree. and then slid off my adhd meds because even that felt like part of the trap they kept me in for years) 

i decided i wanted to do linguistics and become a linguistics major but my school wasn’t letting me. and it had been a year. so i let him and my mom get involved. which i had SUCH a bad feeling about. an awful awful bad feeling. i was right lmao. i should’ve known his involvement wouldn’t have done shit and would also. set me up for yet another Major Traumatic Incident. which i have spent the entirety of 2020 trying to avoid. do you know how stressful and tiring it feels to just like. every moment around ur own father is u just trying to walk on eggshells praying and hoping that nothing bad will happen. i tried so hard and it fell apart in the end anyway. he couldn’t fix this problem so he took it out on me

my school essentially texted us back saying “we get a shit load of transfer requests every year, even from students from other schools. ur grades from the classes u took aren’t good enough to justify a transfer” and like they were right. i had been off my meds. various things in life had happened. my commute situation wasn’t helping matters either (to and from was 2 hours each) and it has just. not been great. grandad passed away like 2 weeks ago or something at that point. which. may have been an underlying cause for the situation. or maybe he was always going to blow up at me and get violent and crazy. idk

anyway. i guess u could say it is ‘my fault’ for cutting off contact w my father n not speaking to him. but also. he threatened to throw me into a mental institute. and also. violently refused to let me leave the house so he could keep yelling at me. he physically would not let me. i yelled at him to just let me go but he implied that he would actually hurt me if i tried to get past him again. and he said all sorts of shit like he can be crazy too and he can be crazier than me which is something he’s said before. what triggered me to leave was. ok so in the beginning he was giving me the same thing he has yelled at me about over the years. i am super super fucking smart but i waste it all away on purpose and refuse to get my shit together and that’s somehow a personal attack on him. i can’t remember most of it by now. but anyway. i was tearing up and keeping absolutely quiet just waiting for it to be over so i could leave and go to another room. but then he started to. yell at me for crying. its so fucking ironic and weird because in a separate previous incident i was complaining about my school and how much it all was. and i was barely raising my voice but he was like woah woah stop being so emotional!!! as if he doesn’t regularly scream and shout and punch walls or whatever the fuck over the SMALLEST bullshit. anyway. he started to scold me for crying. and then he said ‘if you go out in the future and get a job are you going to cry like this too when ur boss scolds you? or are you acting like this because i’m family and you think its okay?’ as if. i have never had a job. as if i have never had to deal with a boss. bro i swear to fucking god. i am dead to most things now because of him. he can’t do shit. but. in the moment i found this so ridiculous and just SO fucking stupid that i left. i had had enough. i started laughing and i walked out and went to grab my bag so i could go. i didn’t. get very far obviously. and when my dad started threatening me i genuinely thought i was going to die. he was so angry and deranged that i thought he was going to murder me. my heart was going just. so so so fast. even tho i was just standing there. and i told him he was terrifying me (to which he said “GOOD”) and i just NEEDED to get out of this situation and get some space (to which he said “NO” repeatedly). he refused to admit that he would use actual violence to prevent me from leaving the house. he told me he would NEVER let me leave. which was fucking ridiculous. i stay at his house. 2 days out of the fucking week. he literally shoved me backwards so hard when i was trying to leave and he wanted to stop me. he also refused to admit that he used violence or was planning to use violence. i tried to point out this flaw in his logic to him. i said ur going to hurt me. he said no. i said ok then if ur not going to hurt me then let me walk past you and leave the house. he also said no again. and then our cousins rang the door at some point. so then he started to come to his senses. he was like. ‘the reason i don’t want to let you leave is because i’m afraid you’ll hurt yourself.’ which was so fucking stupid. i have NEVER threatened to hurt myself in front of him. i have never shared ANY thoughts of self harm in front of him. he’s the one who would get into massive fights w his dad and threaten to jump out of the window in anger (and i don’t even mean when he was younger. he would fight with his 93 year old dad. fucking stupid bitch). i made this clear to him that i was never ever planning on hurting myself. and then he said fine and let me leave. meaning i had to answer the door to my cousins in tears while he got to walk back to his room and lock himself in

he also. at some point during this argument, told me there would be consequences to me leaving. i guess i know those consequences now lmao. and like. i went home to my moms house. my cousins walked me there. i still haven’t told them. idk if my dad told them. my dad texted me to gaslight me. said that when he said he was going to put me in a mental hospital he meant it as a friendly suggestion because of ‘the state i was in’. and that it ‘wasn’t meant as a threat’ and like. oof. healthy suggestions aren’t meant to be yelled. anyway. i might be texting him. just to inform him about developments and to like. i guess set boundaries maybe. idk. i can’t carry on like this. i hate him and am terrified of him but. cutting him out of my life is basically inviting ostracism from his side of the family. and it’s putting so much stress on me. so. lol

#ask

[baxtrs]

[  madelyn  cline,  cis  female,  twenty  three  ]  did  you  see  OLIVIA  BAXTER  ?  looking  as  broke  as  ever.  rumor  has  it  SHE  is  usually  AIMLESS  &  CYNICAL  but  is  also  known  to  be  CREATIVE  &  FACETIOUS.  we’ll  see  about  that.  they  kind  of  remind  me  of  THRIFTED  SNAPBACKS  AND  OVERSIZED  FLANNELS,  INKED  DOODLES  IN  THE  MARGINS  OF  SHEET  MUSIC,  STALE  PIZZA  CRUSTS.  maybe  because  they’re  a  TAURUS.  they’ve  been  living  around  here  for  THIRTEEN  YEARS.  i  wonder  when  they’ll  make  it  out…   

pinterest  !

first  off,  nobody  calls  her  olivia  except  for  her  mother.  ollie,  bax,  and  baxter  are  all  common  nicknames

born  in  apalachicola,  florida  &  lived  there  until  *gasp*  her  dad  left  them

looking  back  she  probably  should’ve  seen  it  coming  tbh  –  he  wasn’t  at  home  often  because  he  worked  on  a  shrimp  boat,  but  when  he  was  at  home,  hoo  boy  it  was  Frosty  btwn  her  parents  !!

in  her  defense  she  was  10  years  old

but  ollie  loved  him  bc  he  did  stuff  like  let  her  drink  his  beer  (  even  though  she  hated  the  taste,  he  drank  it  and  she  wanted  to  be  just  like  him  )  or  take  her  on  a  spontaneous  trip  on  his  boat  and  return  hours  later  to  her  frantic  mother  on  the  verge  of  calling  the  police

looking  back,  also  not  a  great  father  or  husband  LMAO

anyways  she  idolized  him  and  when  he  left,  ollie  blamed  her  mother

even  more  so  because  soon  after,  they  packed  up  &  left  florida  for  crawford  cause  the  rent  was  cheaper  and  they  only  had  one  income  now

but  obviously  ollie  was  like  screw  you  i  wanna  stay  in  florida

probably  ran  away  multiple  times  when  she  was  little  &  continued  making  her  mother  frantic,  the  poor  woman

things  have  been  strained  between  them  for  a  long  time,  especially  cause  her  mother  worked  a  lot  of  nights  and  overtime  shifts  to  provide,  and  just  wasn’t  around  a  lot

of  course,  now  ollie  understands  it  isn’t  her  mother’s  fault,  but  there’s  still  a  rift  between  them  that  can’t  easily  be  fixed.  but  it’s  slowly  closing,  especially  after  she  moved  out

she  had  a  lot  of  free  rein  as  a  kid  and  spent  her  teen  &  pre-teen  years  roughhousing  with  the  neighbourhood  boys,  sneaking  cigarettes  and  beer  in  the  mcdonalds  parking  lot  and  skinning  her  knees  trying  to  skateboard

she  went  to  a  school  full  of  kids  like  her  —  born  to  single  parent  working  class  families,  with  little  ambition  or  regard  for  rules.  the  teachers  were  underpaid  and  overworked,  and  didn’t  have  high  expectations  for  their  students

so  ollie  never  tried  cause  she  never  thought  she’d  be  anything  great.  she  skipped  class  and  mouthed  off  when  she  was  at  school.  and  if  she  did  try,  it  just  resulted  in  a  headache  and  bad  grades  anyway

barely  graduated  high  school  &  definitely  has  not  gone  to  any  sort  of  postsecondary  education

fashion  aesthetic:  90s  grunge  babeyyy  !!  sk8r  boi  see  u  l8r  boi  !!  oversized  flannels,  graphic  tees,  baggy  jeans  with  ripped  knees,  backwards  snapbacks

gives  off  a  very  blasé  attitude  (  not  that  she  knows  what  blasé  means  ).  she  doesn’t  take  anything  seriously.  chill  and  mellow  to  the  point  of  aimlessness.  does  she  have  a  plan  for  her  life  ??  nah  !

her  mom  lives  in  crawford.  ollie  lives  in  the  moment  sjdfsdjf

pretty  lowkey  cynical,  tho  she  avoids  conflict  like  the  plague

she  can  be  pretty  snarky  sometimes  but  never  in  a  mean-spirited  way

catch  her  making  terrible  puns  and  dad  jokes  constantly.  10  times  more  in  uncomfortable/awkward  situations  lmao  

Big  Gay

works  at  a  local  greasy  fast  food  joint,  and  has  since  she  was  16

she’s  v  creative  but  doesn’t  think  she  could  apply  that  to  any  sort  of  career  or  further  education  because  she  doesn’t  think  that’ll  make  money  and  cause  she  really  struggled  with  school  so  she's  kinda  resigned  herself  to  having  a  dead-end  kinda  life

for  one  thing,  she  constantly  doodles  and  makes  cartoonish  little  drawings.  surprisingly  good  at  it  even  tho  she  doesn’t  have  any  sort  of  art  training

also  plays  the  drums  in  parker’s  band  !!  a  gr8  creative  outlet.  catch  her  tapping  out  a  drumbeat  when  she’s  bored

surprisingly  empathetic  &  good  with  kids

 uhhhh  like  this  or  hmu  if  you  wanna  plot  w  my  Disaster  Lesbian  daughter  k  thankss

#crawford:intro

[hyeri-yah]

No way!!! International studies is so so cool! Could I ask you to just ramble about your favorite parts of it/about it? I've been considering it myself and haven't met anyone taking it on here! 😁 Also, what are you doing with it/hope to do! Hope you're having a great start to the week! 💕

this actually made me giggle!! let’s see...hmmm...International Relations isn’t really a popular major, but I do assure you it’s incredibly interesting!! I’m sure there are differences in the course material since I’m living in the Philippines, and it would be different anywhere else in the world (esp in regards to subjs relating to your country and its foreign policies). But I’ll list things I really love about this degree!! I’m gonna put a read more bc it’s kinda long lmaoooo

HISTORY!! POLITICS!! CULTURE!! OBSCURE GEOPOLITICAL THEORIES NO ONE REALLY HAS HEARD ABOUT EXCEPT FOR PROBABLY GERRYMANDERING!!

i’ll just say it, im a history nerd. I like reading world history and knowing how things happened and why. I think it’s pretty cool. I like reading about politics, how things just connect after you’ve realized the bigger picture. Culture is nice too, and it’s actually one of the best parts of this major!! Also you get to learn at least one language!!!

 And then here comes the theories. There are a lot of them and they can come in all shapes, sizes and forms, and most of the time, they’re kind of too “out-there” to actually make sense. But when you could finally understand what the authors are trying to say (bc political book authors are sometimes not the best writers... fck u Heywood...), it’s such a rewarding epiphany.

The thing about this course is that, you shouldn’t take it if you’re not interested in these kinds of things because it could get reallyyyyyy boring. While I do love the topic, i have to admit I might’ve slept in class a few times.

MEETING LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE!!

This is the course that I actually met Leanne, who is one of my most trusted and closest friend ever. We just clicked, especially with our opinion on things and our love for History and Politics!!! We actually share our thoughts a lot of times, and we often stay talking for so many hours bc we just have a lot of things to share lmaoooo She’s really interested about Israel and the Middle East, while I have a lot of thoughts on East Asia. 

It depends on your batch tho. Our classmates on the other hand seemed like they wanted to be somewhere else. They’re not particularly interested in the subject, and was just working hard for the grades. It’s understandable but a bit disappointing that only Leanne, Me, and another guy who’s pretty much proclaimed himself as a communist are the only ones who seemed to be enjoying. 

MORE POLITICSSSSSSS

I really like how this course had widened my perspective on things, especially with how society has become more politically active. I used to be so vocal about my opinions, but after graduating, I just realized I often only know one side of things, and I shouldn’t really be too hasty/harsh with my words or even share them at all, when I don’t really know anything. 

Contrary to popular belief, it’s up to you if you wanna go to the route of political activism, and you will definitely encounter it at university. I myself can’t handle it bc it affects my mental health so badly, I’d rather not do something triggering. 

But!!! But!! But!! THIS COURSE ACTUALLY HELPED ME A LOT WITH WORLDBUILDING IN MY STORIES!! Since I’ve been learning a lot about countries/nations and how they work and why they do the things they do, I can use the same theories to make my own worlds more realistic in a sense. 

I usually follow something like a Dialectic Materialism triangle (i heard it was by Marx but not sure!!! i dont wanna google at 2AM anymore) which explains that society’s decisions/inclinations/preferences are determined by its economics. It makes sense in a diagram hahahha I use it to make sense of why people in my stories think they way they do!! 

Even if you were asking me about what I love about this, I’m not sure I can say anything without telling you the bad sides of it. Like I said, if topics like Politics, History, Economics, Theories, etc. doesn’t interest you, you really shouldn’t take this course. The same thing happened to our classmates. It’ll be like living hell. Because it’s not an easy major, even I hate it sometimes. You always have to read and read and read!! The course doesn’t stop at the material/book given. You gotta hit the library and find books about certain topics and follow the daily national and international news. It’s still a habit of mine I’ve brought to this day!!

The professors are shrewd, strict and downright mean (in our case), which I dont blame them for. The Diplomatic corps is a freakin hellhole if you’re not prepared to take in all the stress of constant work, anxiety of not making up to the standard (which is pretty high), and the whole dynamic and ever-changing nature of the tasks, you’re gonna go crazy. And I mean it not in the metaphorical sense. I was intern at our foreign ministry and I’ve heard stories. 

But, that’s only if you plan on joining the Diplomatic corps lmaoooooo the major is such a worthwhile thing to take! It widens your perspective, and makes you more open to different political opinions ( i mean, you get to understand why people believe the things they do, because it is determined by a lot of factors), and it’s super helpful in my writing!!!

Finallyyyy,,,this major taught me something I always abide to now: “Cool head, Warm Hearts”

I think I’ll end it here!!!! If you have any more questions, feel free to hit me up again!!! Thanks for asking this hahahahha I really enjoyed going down memory lane ksksksks 

[3norachas]

wrong send • bang chan (I)

pair: bang chan x reader

genre: college au, friends to lovers, fake dating, fluff, suggestive no smut tho uwu, a little angst, bullet point scenario

warnings: suggestive it’s just making out sjabdka

“In which Y/n was supposed to send her best friend, Lee Minho, a porn link for scientific purposes but accidentally sent it to her neighbor, Bang Chan.”

masterlist     (a/n: sike ya bitch I’m too excited to wait for 6 pm so here you go hnng gotta cut it halfway bc tumblr can’t handle this masterpiece hnnghgn anyway sorry this took too long ive been procrastinating and i still had irremediable and unforeseen to deal with hhnghgn but pls don’t be afraid to request huehuehue and im sorry if my style of writing in bullet point format is similar to some writers hgnfhgng i’ve read some of these types of writing and it stuck with me so im very sorry :((( )

taglist: @cahtastrophie @anxietyishell

PART II

you and minho were close

you grew up together

learned to walk together

bath together when you were babies of course :))

bully and judge people together

basically everything

you studied in the same school and were inseparable since birth

it was like two puzzle together

when you need help with love minho is there to watch over you he scares all of them but u dont need to know that oof

when minho’s in trouble you’re there for him even if it’s bailing him out of jail dont ask why

you even watch porn together  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

but that’s all platonic!!!

the two of you tried dating and were each other’s first kiss

but it didn’t really work out for the both of you

it was too awkward

so you decided that you were better off as friends

but that didn’t stop the two of you to be close huehuehue

y’all still cuddle like kids and personal space never existed between the two of you

that stayed until college

everyone legit thought the two of you were dating but—

“me and minho??”, “me and y/n??”

and you’d both send each other a playful glare

“ew no”

so when minho asked you to send him some link to a gay porn website

you didn’t even bat an eye

so here you are

about to send some porn link for minho’s entertainment and prob for his minho junior ;)))

“here’s the link you bitch”

and there you go

but what weirded u out tho is when minho didn’t reply immediately

he’s always fast when it comes to your texts or calls

but then you thought maybe he couldn’t wait anymore and is busy fucking or whatever

so imagine your shock when u received a text with multiple question marks 

“?????????”

“hello to you too but what is this for?”

it was bang chan

bang motherfucking chan

The Bang Chan™

the one with grades higher than your height

the athlete who joins a lot of sports but eats like he hasn’t for weeks

the one who sits in front of you and asks for pencils every now and then

and has more girls than you have friends

“is this porn?”

“oh wait”

“it is porn”

you threw your phone away from you, burying your face on the pillow to sulk in embarrassment

out of all people it just had to be him ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐

your phone rang with the ring tone minho had set for himself let’s all assume it’s a sexy song

“hoe where’s the link”

“i think i did something terrible”

“wouldn’t be your first time lmao but what is it??”

“i accidentally sent it to someone else….”

“…..”

“….”

“…”

“..”

“how and who the hell did u sent it to?”

“bang chan…”

“whomst-hAHAHAHHNGDBJ ISN’T THAT YOUR NEIGHBOR??”

“DON’T LAUGH A ME U BITCH ;’((("

“I CAN’T NOT HUHAHAHA”

you whine while he wheezes at your misery

“just tell him it’s not for him and apologize u big baby”

“but that’s just embarrassing” o(╥﹏╥)o

“do you really want him to think that it’s for him and you’re trying to make him hard and seduce him?? what makes it worse is that it’s gay porn”

“nO”

“tHEN DO SOMETHING”

so that’s how you find yourself standing in front of the door of the apartment across yours

with shaky hands you knock on the door

it opens to reveal bang chan himself in his shirtless glory- Σ(゜ロ゜;)

…..

(╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾) !!!!!!!

sHiRtLEsS?????

suddenly, you don’t know how to breathe don’t we all tho

hngkdb mfucking bitch has defined abs how can you function normally

how is this man comfortable with showing his abs to random people???

it doesn’t help that he still has little droplets of water on his body 

“hi?”

you yelp, literally, and that caused a small chuckle from chan at your cute reaction but!!!

HiS cHuCKle sOuNdED !!!!

you pinch your wrist to wake yourself up and maybe stop yourself from staring at his torso

now is not the time y/n!! ‎(ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ

“um- I’m- hi….”

“hi there” he smiles his dimpled smile and —*inhales*

your heart went !!!!

it took you a lot to compose yourself before you squish his cheeks in your hands

nO Y/N !!!

cOnTRol YOuRSeLf !!!

“soooo”

“huh?”

“come inside for a bit” he grins at your confused look and opened his door wider

what

wHaT?

reluctantly, you follow him inside his apartment. you weren’t surprised when u saw the mess inside, it was a small space but it wasn’t too small

what surprised you tho

there were pieces of female clothes on the floor and bed

Σ(‘◉⌓◉’)

you were confused for a moment before you finally undersstood the situation and that those clothes where female clothing

fEMALE 

nOT HIS

“channie who was that?”

your head whip to the bathroom door to stare at the girl is your neck ok y/n?

her eyes were wide

like

wIDe

like this O - O

and she looks scared :00

“a-are you chan’s s/o?” she gulps before scurrying to gather her things and run pass you muttering apologies and out the door she went

s/O????

you didn’t even have time to explain that you weren’t !!!

she just ran pass you !!!!

and wasn’t that mina?!?!

like The Mina™ who gets all boys huehue

“I’m sorry about her”

you hear chan sigh, now wearing a shirt

which was great bc if he stayed shirtless you might not be able to speak normally bold of u to assume that you can speak even if he’s fully clothed hhghghng

“she really think that these hook ups we have has a meaning”

hookups?

you shook your head, mumbling about how it doesn’t really mind you which is a big fucking lie

wHAT IF MINA GOSSIPS TO HER FRIENDS THAT YOU WERE CHAN’S S/O???

if anything she may already have broadcasted it to the whole campus

“sooo why did you came here??”

chan settled on his bed with a cute curious look on his face

just then did you remembered

yOU SEND HIM A GAY PORN LINK

suddenly you’re back to phase one

you keep opening and shutting your mouth from nervousness lIKE HELLO??? HOW??? ARE YOU??? SUPPOSED TO BE CALM???

aND IT’S CHAN SO???

DON’T!!! BLAME!!! Y/N!!!

“i-t’s about t-the… link-”

chan chuckles and nods his head ”yeah i saw it”

sAW IT?!?!

aS iN hE wATcHeD tHe vIdEO!?!?!

!!!!

chan must’ve noticed the look on your face and laughed his beautiful laugh and you felt your heart is being crushed !!!!

“no not like that! i meant that i received it yes”

oh

oHh

stupid you

why would chan even watch it if he knows that it’s porn hhnghg maybe he did watched it ;)))

you played with the hem of your shirt. eyes casted down from embarrassment smh how many times are you going to embarrass yourself y/n hhhnghn

“p-please forget about the link”

“oh??” chan tilted his head in confusion still with his mfuckin smile

“i-it wasn’t supposed to be sent for you!!! i’m really sorry for calling you bitch too…”

chan was shookt when you bowed 360 degrees and repeatedly apologizing

so being the kind person he is he took a hold of your shoulders with a cute smile

cHAN STOP MAKING CUTE FACES !!! Y/N IS DEAD !!!

AND HE’S TOO CLOSE FOR COMFOT HHNGHNY/N ARE YOU STILL ALIVE???

HANG IN THERE SWEETY

“it’s alright, i don’t mind but…”

but???

“does your boyfriend know???”

?????

“boyfriend?? i’m sorry but i don’t-”

“isn’t minho your boyfriend? y’know the dance major? i’m pretty sure the link is for him, right?”

o-O!!?

he thought you and minho??? are??? dating???

“um n-no we’re not! i mean we’re close but that’s it!”

chan released a relieved sigh and his smile came back

bUT?? HE’S STILL TOO CLOSE?? AND HIS BREATHING HITS YOUR BURNING CHEEKS??

“that’s good, I really thought I was going to have to face him”

he lets out a breathy laugh before letting go you secretly miss his touch and heading for his kitchen

“do you want to eat before going ahead? i mean you’re literally just across my front door so??”

well who are you to say no to that :’)) 

even if it’s possible that he can murder you rn but chan?? hurt someone??

yeah keep telling that to yourself :’))

what you didn’t expect tho was for the two of you to hit it off ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

the two of you have so many things to talk about and it was never awkward and chan was literally listening to whatever bs you were rambling about

and he has such a soft look on his face when he listens to you uwu ɾ⚈▿⚈ɹ

but it wasn’t long before you have to get going bc it’s a school day tomorrow

BUT THAT’S OK !!!

BC THE SECOND U OPENED YOUR DOOR TO HEAD TO COLLEGE HE OPENED HIS WITH A CUTE MORNING SMILE

y’all walk to college together with small talks and he walk you to your first class uwu (▰˘v˘▰)

when lunch arrived you and minho sat at the same table like usual

“soooo how did it went with chan??” minho asked with his mouth stuffed with pasta

“huh??”

minho deadpanned and threw one of his garlic bread at you

sTOP WASTING FOOD U HOE (ง •̀ゝ•́)ง

“i was asking about chan u dumbo”

from the grin on your face minho knew he was going to hear some good tea and drama although he insulted you for being a coward at first

“he’s hooking up with mina :000″

“is that the only thing you heard from what i just said :’<”

he was about to say something else when your junior best friend jisung came running to your table

“why didn’t you tell me!?!? i thought we were friends!?!?” (▰˘︹˘▰)

“tell you what??”

you can tell jisung was clearly offended but you didn’t know why tho 

“that you and chan are dating you traitor!" 

Σ(꒪ȏ꒪)

you and minho shared a look

"i was expecting that”

“WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW???”

jisung look confused so you ended up explaining what happened yesterday with chan

“how did you managed to send him the porn link tho” jisung to a sad y/n, 

“and what the hell did you need the porn link for?” jisung to a flustered minho

“that’s not the point!!” (●o≧д≦)

you slump on your seat with a defeated look and just then did u noticed the look that people are sending you

automatically you hid yourself by snuggling into minho uwu u cute y/n

“oi, you can’t just snuggle into me when everyone thinks you have a boyfriend” — “but i don’t”

“y/n?” 

u look up from minho’s shoulder to see chan

"chan!!!" Σ(゜ロ゜;)

"can we talk for a moment??”

minho nudge you on the elbow, nodding as if to tell you to go ahead so you stood up and followed chan outside the cafeteria

when you’re outside chan faces you with a bothered look

“I’m so sorry for what people are saying about us I’m pretty sure it was mina she usually gossips a lot to her friends but I didn’t expect her to tell them that we’re dating just bc you came yesterday-”

chan was now rambling his apologies just like you did last night he looked cute like that btw

“it’s ok chan!! I’m sure you didn’t mean for that to happen”

chan was relieved when he heard that but he looked like he was still bothered by something

so being the sweetheart you are you asked him what it is ^~^

“can I ask you a favor??” he look uncertain so normally you were concerned

so you nod because !!!!

chan is worried !!!!

so it has to be something big !!!!

“i know this is probably going to be weird bc we just met last night and we’re not that close but-” chan look at your eyes to see if you still want him to continue so you nod at him

“c-can we please date?? but like fake dating and all?? i thought about it and it would really help me avoid those girls who wanted me in their bed and don’t worry i’ll pay you back! i swear-”

(〃ﾟдﾟ〃)!!! 

"d-date!?!?!?” 

you yelped, cheeks burning bright from chan’s offer

HOW CAN YOU NOT??

CHAN LITERALLY ASKED YOU TO DATE HIM !!! IT MAY BE FAKE AND ALL BUT STILL !!! HE ASKED YOU !!! YOU !!! TO DATE !!! OUT OF ALL PEOPLE !!!

and it didn’t help that he said please insert sad uwu :((

AS IF YOU’D SAY NO :((

"i-it’s ok if you don’t want to though!! I won’t force you!!”

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD SAY NO TO BANG CHAN??  DEFINITELY NOT YOU BC!!! IT’S!!! BANG CHAN!!!

“i-im fine with it but why me tho??” bc you’re cute and awesome y/n (ﾟヮﾟ)

your cheeks became even more red than possible when chan gave you cute smile

"well, I really want to get to know you since last night and you weren’t like any girl to be honest”

aaAAHH 

BANG CHAN U BITCH 

Y/N??? 

ARE YOU STILL ALIVE???

you can feel your heart fluttering from his confession definitely not because he was looking at you with a fond smile and soft caring eyes hnghn

“so, are you in?" 

with your trembling weak heart you nodded, knees weakening when he beamed at you and his mother fucking cute dimples showed

you’re doomed :’))

"great! I’ll see you later then”

later?? o-O??

“um what for??”

he chuckled at your confused lil face and patted your head

aaAAHH YOUR HEART JUST SKIPPED THOUSANDS OF BEATS

“for our first date dummy”

#bang chan #stray kids #forskz #skzinc #sk writersnet #skz #stray kids boyfriend #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids soft hours #straykids #k.one #skz fluff #straykids fluff #kpop #soft mood boards #stray kids aesthetic #stray kids au #stray kids drabbles #skz soft #moodboard #skz drabble #skz moodboard #skz au #chris bang #chan

[jungshookz]

beauty & the bookworm {librarian!namjoon}

→ pairing: kim namjoon x reader

→ genre: librarian!namjoon who’s a little nerdy a little dorky but we loVe it, university!au, y/n’s the brat this time around, fluff softer than clouds, a bit of heartwrenching angst :’(, BTS as in BIG TIME smU T

→ wordcount: 20.8k this will definitely make the app crash as per usual don’t come for me

→ note: okay first and foremost i apologize because this is wAY overdue! i started writing librarian!joon in october but i kept putting him off and it’s not what he deserves :-(( but the most important thing is that he’s here now and he’s ready to trip his way into your hearts!! also i finally gave one of my fics a title instead of just naming the au so we’re spicing things up for the new year! enjoy!! 

pst if u wanna talk to y/n or joonie or even jimin u know what to do ;-)

(gif isn’t mine!)

(((and the read more function iS there but most of the time it doesn’t work on mobile :// i am sorry don’t attack me by sending passive-aggressive anon messages)))

you’ve always been the type of person to just go with the flow

whenever life throws an obstacle your way you somehow always aLways make it out alive

you always have a backup plan and you never worry about anything

because worrying gives you frowning wrinkles and you want your skin to remain smooth and beautiful

maybe it’s maybelline??? maybe it’s just not giving a fuCk

but this is the first time you’ve ever been… slightly concerned

you are in unfamiliar territory because you feel

…worried

and you don’t like this feeling at all

“i don’t know what to tell you, y/n. you’re failing three of your courses. you need extra credit.” your counsellor looks at you and then looks back down at his laptop where he has your transcript opened up

“okay! okay okay cool cool cool that’s fine” you clear your throat and nod quickly “extra credit is fine. no need to worry.”

“well, i wouldn’t say no need to worry. there’s definitely room for worry here.”

you thought you had the hang of this university thing but apparently not since jin just told you you’re failing three of your damn courses

kim seokjin - he graduated like two years ago and is your academic counsellor

he’s a pretty cool guy most of the time!! sometimes his dad jokes makes you want to slam your face into a wall but other than that he’s cool

and he’s always there to help you whenever you feel like you’re struggling

he’s a good counsellor but right now he’s being an awful counsellor and not even offering you an ouNCe of support

just kidding you’re just mad at yourself and you’re taking it out on literally anyone you see  

you lean forward a little to try and get a sneak peek of your transcript and jin shifts his laptop away

you huff and lean back against the plushy sofa chair “so… how am i supposed to get extra credit?” you inspect your nails uninterestedly because you’re supposed to be napping right now but obviouSly you’re not going to be able to catch some extra z’s today because of this stupid meeting about your stupid grades

“summer school is an option.”

just the thought of summer school makes you feel nauseous

you’re not going to spend two months writing a philosophy paper or studying for an exam when you could be on a beach somewhere or on a road trip with jimin and the others

thank u next bitch

“please tell me there’s something else. anything else??” you frown and slump against his desk and he lets out a sigh before rifling through some loose papers on his desk

“which prof do i have to go down on to get extra credit” you joke but the smile drops from your face when jin raises a disapproving brow at you  

“if you’re lucky, maybe you can find a part-time job on campus. usually you can get extra credit from doing things here! last i heard there was a position to be the school mascot!”

omg

yuck

having to jump around in a slightly damp and sewage-scented costume for two hours??

no thanks

jin can tell by your expression that that’s the last thing you want

“i hate to break it to you, y/n, but you can’t exactly be picky here. go to main hall where they stick up all those posters and job offers - maybe you’ll find something good! cheer up, hm?”

“yeah, yeah” you murmur and scratch the back of your head before standing up and swinging your bag over your shoulder

“oh, and y/n?”

“what?”

“maybe you should study instead of watching netflix all the time - you really have to boost your grades this term otherwise… y’know” he winces

‘y’know’ means you’re not going to frickin graduate

“…bye jin” you mutter and shut the door behind you before letting out a breath

well

that was a depressing conversation

jin didn’t even tell you a dad joke this time around

as you make your way to the main hall you can’t help but let out another sigh of disappointment

in high school you had eeeehhhhh average grades like you were kinda dumb but not thAt dumb

but you never expected yourself to faiL classes

you thought you were smarter than this!!! obviously not tho

you let out a huff as you stand in front of the bulletin board

there’s an overwhelming number of posters ranging from poetry sLAM competitions to math tutoring services and you don’t know where the heck to start

okay let’s see

what can we do

‘do you have school spirit? do you need extra credit? why not try being our adorable school masco-‘

“nope” you click your tongue and immediately look at the next poster

‘looking for a philosophy tutor for philosophy102’

philosophy is one of the classes you’re failing so maybe not that one either

‘looking for water girl/water boy for new school year! email coach bang for more details’

good god

the water girl??

that would be pathetic

that min yoongi tho

wOO you are definitely thirsty for him

but not thirsty enOugh because there’s no way you’re going to be known as the dang water girl

‘ocean expedition next summer? come to seashell city and explore the ancient legend of the mermaid… extra credit included!’

now thAt sounds cool

but next summer??? you’re not planning to still be here neXt summer

you’re running out of options here

the ones that you’ve seen just don’t sit well with you

the ones that seem okay are already all booked up

you raise a brow when you find a smaller note pinned under an obnoxiously neon pink ‘JOIN THE CHEERLEADING SQUAD’ poster

oh cute

it’s a picture of a book

‘booking for extra credit? there’s no one to blame but your-shelf if you let this job opportunity slip away! come to the library and check it out!’

you cringe in your soul and shake your head

a 60 year old grandpa definitely wrote this up

you take the note off the bulletin board and re-read it

urhghUAhfasj

are u really going 2 do this

you really gon spend most of your time at the library instead of, oh, i don’t know, literally anYTHING ELSE

“beggars can’t be choosers” you mumble to yourself

plus this option doesn’t seem like it needs a lot of skill so it should be easy-peasy lemon-squeezy

the extra credit will just fall right onto your lap                                  

but at the same time

you despise the library

it’s too quiet

you can’t eat or drink in there

it always smells like musty old books

everyone’s always hogging the charging ports

you can’t talk without someone giving you a dirty look because apParently you’re being too loud when you wereN’T EVEN being that loud

your stomach always rumbles in the library and you end up not studying because you’re too focused on wondering what you should get for dinner

the last time you were at the library you were only there because jimin wanted to get some studying done and he needed a study partner

but that was literally like last year

now if he wants a study partner you tell him ‘it’s mY way or the highway’ which means you force him to study at your dinky apartment

you purse your lips and read the note yet aGAin

it seems like this is the option that makes you want to rip your fingernails off the least

so

it’s the library i guess

*confetti*

“what’s the matter with you?” jimin pokes your cheek with his fork before digging into his spaghetti

you scowl and rub the dot of tomato sauce off your cheek

“i’m failing three of my classes” you mutter before slumping against the table “and now i have to work at the library everyday to get extra credit”

jimin shrugs

“at least you’re not failing all of your classes?”

“i’m taking four courses this semester. i’m failing three out of four classes.”

jimin pauses and purses his pillowy lips

“like i said…at least you’re not failing four out of four classes?” he offers through a mouthful of pasta

he swallows “plus the library isn’t all that bad! books are… books are like… cool”

“you’re not doing a very good job of making me feel better”

“well, i don’t wanna be that friend - but you kinda did this to yourself!!!! working at the library is a consequence of not doing well in class, y/n. i’m sorry to break it to you, but you gotta do what you gotta do. you’re not allowed to complain because you let this happen to yourself.” jimin sighs frustratedly because as much as he loves you it’s so iRRitating when you’re whining about problems that could’ve very easily been avoided

“ya i guess so” you mutter

yeah

it’ll be fine

becoming a librarian will be great

maybe you’ll absorb the information from all the books that you’ll be hanging around with all day and become smart enough to graduate and not need the extra credit

jimin jumps when you let out a groan and smack your head against the table in defeat

life is really kicking your ass right now and is showing absolutely no mercy

“you want me to go in with you and drop you off at the counter?” jimin smiles sweetly and you shake your head and slip your arm from his

“this is a battle i’m going to have to face alone.” you shake a fist in front of you

“go on, my brave warrior.” jimin says dramatically before nodding “i’ll see you tomorrow!”

you let out a sigh before pushing the doors open and letting yourself in

you see a couple people sitting here studying

it is exam season after all

speaking of exam season u should probably start studying

you don’t remember the last time you were at the library

you came in once because you needed to pee really bad and this was where the nearest washroom was

also why is it so biG

there’s nobody at the front counter so you assume the guy went to the back because there’s like another room behind the desk

you whistle a tune to yourself as you lean against the counter and scroll through your phone

you’re blissfully unaware of the many people who are glaring at you because of your awful whistling

it’s when you get a (very rude) ’shh!’ that you raise a hand in defence and stop the whistling

it’s too quiET in here the whistling was necessary

these ungrateful assholes should be thankful

“hi there! can i help you with something?” you jump ten feet into the air from the voice that breaks the silence

you turn around and there’s this this tall ass tree of a guy standing behind the counter

he smiles at you and you immediately notice his sweet smile and cute dimples

he tilts his head before reaching up to adjust his glasses

“um, i…” he looks down and his eyes light up when he sees his poster in your hand

“oh, y/n! i didn’t know you were interested in working at the library” huh

he knows your name?

how does he know you

…do you know him?

well you have to know him otherwise how does he know your name

he pushes his glasses up and waits for you to respond

you decide to play along with it for the sake of a good first impression

or..,.,. good second impression??

you’re tempted to tell him you’re only doing this because you have no choice and also you’re failing your classes but he probably doesn’t want to hear all of that

“yeah! a little extra credit never hurts” you laugh and scratch the back of your neck “it’s nice to see you… again…?” you trail off because obviously you have no idea what his name is

you’re still confused as to how he knows your name

he kind of blinks at you and his eyebrows knit together in confusion before he’s like oOh okay i see what’s happening here

“i, uh, i’m namjoon, ha. i’m actually- we were in the same philosophy lecture last year. you… you bumped into me on the first day of class and spilt your coffee all over me.” namjoon chuckles awkwardly and scratches the back of his neck

oh yiKES

your cheeks flame up immediately and you press your lips together

good first impression!!!!1!1!

“oh! oh, right! yeah, of course i remember you, joonie!” the nickname slips out to try and soothe the awkward situation but you don’t think it’s working that well “i’m sorry about that, by the way. you know how klutzy i am” you clear your throat

namjoon chuckles awkwardly and scratches the back of his head

and then u remember an important detail

you raise a brow

“wait but like didn’t you graduate last year? you’re older than me aren’t you?”

“yes, i graduated last year. and yes, I’m older than you”

“….so why r u still here”

“i like it here! it’s as simple as that” namjoon shrugs and you hum in response

personally speaking

once you graduate (if u even graduate lol roasted) there is no turning back

you don’t want to come back here

you wasted four years in this torturous hell why would you willingly come back

but now that he reminded you that you two were in the same philosophy lecture it’s kind of coming back to you

you’ve seen his face like once or twice

he always sat in the front and always raised his hands to answer questions or remind the professor of assignments and oHhH right kim naMjOon

sometimes you and kook poke fun at him because like he’s genuinely suCh a n3rd and a dork aNd a try hard anD he always corrected people over the most minuscule mistakes and he’s a neat freak and wow you are suddenly realising you’re not a huge fan of namjoon

“please, i prefer namjoon.” namjoon clears his throat before setting the pile of books down on the counter “so… you wanna start working here? become the ~junior librarian~?” he sticks his hands out and does some jazz hands and you resist the urge to roll your eyes because woW that was lame

“yep, i need the extra credit” you shrug and lean against the counter

“why do you need extra credit?”

“i don’t think that’s any of your business, namjoon.” you tilt your head and namjoon’s like alright fair enough

“look. it’s pretty obvious you need some help around here.” you gesture to the cart stacked with like a trillion books sitting by the desk “and no one else has applied to help out according to your sad poster- i’m pretty much your only option, bro” you shrug as if to say ‘it’s not my fault’

okay

namjoon definitely doesn’t appreciate the tone and the attitude that you’re giving him

but you’re not wrong

surprisingly not a lot of people have come up to him wanting the job as the junior librarian

it’s kind of disappointing

being a librarian is so much fun!!!!!!

who wouldn’t want to be surrounded by books all day????

and no offence

but he doesn’t really want to give you this job because you’re just so,,., snooty and kinda rude

and you seem like you don’t care about anything

aNd you seem kinda disorganised

he’s just getting that ~vibe~ from you

but he doesn’t have a choice because he does really need the help and you need the extra credit so it works out for both of u

and he’s mature enough to work well with someone he doesn’t like so he’s sure he’ll be fine

namjoon purses his lips and exhales

“fine… i suppose i can let you work alongside me. but just to let you, i have a system for everything, so i would really appreciate if you followed the rules that i set in place and-“ you keep staring at him but you’ve drowned him out and you’re just singing a song in your head

“do you understand?” he finishes and adjusts his glasses before giving you a pointed look  

“ya man i gotcha” you click your tongue before pushing yourself off the counter and clapping your hands together “so chief where do i start” you take your backpack off and swiNG it over the counter and it fLOps to the ground loudly

namjoon’s eye twitches when your books spill out of your bag and you don’t bother picking it up

okay

what’s a job that’ll take a while and will require you to be awaY from him

ah

namjoon disappears behind the counter for a split second before reappearing with a duster and a rag

“those shelves over there need to be dusted.”

you raise your brows in disbelief

dusting

is that it

wow

easy frickin peASY ladies and gents

“at least try and make it hard for me.” you snort and snatch the duster and rag from him

extra credit - here we come! goodbye suMMER scHOOL

“see, i told you it wasn’t going to be bad!” jimin points out after you finish fleXing to him about how good of a dust job you did on those bookshelves

weird flex but ok lol

“i know!! i don’t actually mind the library, now that i think about it. the dead silence is kinda relaxing. but-“ you raise a finger “i’m not sure about that namjoon guy”

“namjoon?”

“he’s the librarian. he graduated last year and- god, he’s just… he’s such a nerd. which isn’t a bad thing, i guess? you know what i’m saying, right? he’s just,,,, i don’t know… he seems like the kinda guy who’d get a heart attack from breaking a tinY rule or something,, or i feel like if i drop a book he’ll start crying like he’s thAt kind of person”

jimin nods understandably before shrugging “i get it… but i’m sure if you give him a chance you’ll warm up and you’ll get along!! even if you don’t get along just keep it mind that you’re only doing this for a couple of months.”

“yeah, i guess.”

jimin’s usually right so you’ll take his word for it

maybe namjoon isn’t as much of a stick in the mud as you think he is

you’ll be fine

remember how in the beginning of all of this you were like this is going to be easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy

well

it’s not

it’s not easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy

in fact it’s difficult-difficult-orange-difficult

why are there so many books here???????? it’s never ending!! every time you put one away like ten more appear on the counter and then namjoon’s like mmMm c’mon pick up the pace there’s a lot to do around here

you haven’t even had a chance to sit down for a minute because the library is huGe and you have to walk everywhere to make sure each book is in the right place and no books are overdue and if books aRe overdue to have to go and harass the person that still has the book and the point is THIS IS HARD AND YOU ARE TIRED

no wonder no one wanted this job!!!!!!!!! it’s hard work!!!!!!!!!!

you can’t help but wonder if that water girl job is still available but the thought of having to talk to someone like min yoongi makes you nervous so you shake the thought out of your head

aLSO

namjoon is boring

SO boring

what kind of modern young man willingly wears sweaters and cardigans and button up shirts all the damn time

also?? he keeps candies in his pockets

like he’ll be sorting through some files and then stops and he rifles through his pockets and pulls out a hard candy and pops it into his mouth

they’re those salted caramel hard candies and you’ve been tempted to ask him for one but.,,.,., u don’t want any of his damn pANT candy

also he’s so quiet and you’re very chatty so that’s another thing to add to the list of things you hate about kim namjoon

whenever you try to talk about your day he replies with mm’s and ah’s but never does anything to continue the conversation so you’re left in awkward silence waiting for a reaction

aLSO he has egg salad or tuna or plain turkey sandwiches and like vegetable soup and a piece of fruit (he literally said an apple a day keeps the doctor away one time and you were like what century are you living in???) for lunch most of the time and it sTANKS it’s awful  

and when you try to crack a joke he never gets the punchline which is infuriating because you like to think that you’re somewhat of a funny person

aren’t you??????

all he gives you is a polite laugh and a nod before he goes back to his book

you don’t know how long you can keep doing this

it’s been a month and a bit since you started working at the library

and namjoon would rather give himself a trillion paper cuts than work with you

you

are

awful

“y/n - you’re supposed to stamp the first page in the book - not the coVer of the book.” namjoon presses his lips together to keep himself from screaming when he sees you with a mountain of already wrONGLY stamped books

“oh. can’t you like erase the ink or something?”

“no you can’t- you can’t just erasE the ink the stamp is gonna be there forever”

“it’s okay i only stamped like 20 books” you shrug and instinctively stamp the book in your hands “…21 books”

“y/n whY… why did you use a glittery pink pen for the book record sheets”

“it makes it pretty! it’s not a big deal no one sees these sheets besides you and i” you grin and take the sheet from namjoon and he feels his soul die a little when you scribble something down with a neon green marker

also you keep giving yourself little breaks?? and the only breAK that is allowed on your schedule is your lunch break or the occasional washroom break whenever you need it

but you give yourself these nonexistent breaks

‘granola bar break’ - you take 30 minutes off to eat one single granola bar

‘texting break’ - this one’s worse because it happens more frequently like the two of you will be filing things together and namjoon likes to keep things working like a well-oiled machine but it’s hard to do that when you keep pausing to text someone and then you’re like okay where were we like it ruINS THE FLOW

‘reading break’ - THIS is awful because namjoon will see you study and he’ll be like okay at least she’s doing something educational and he peeks over and you’ve literally got your phone out scrolling through memes on instagram

and when he reprimands you for taking too many breaks you always wave him off and tell him to relax and to not get his panties in a twist

he feels like you’re doing this on purpose

pushing his buttons

getting under his skin in the worst way possible

also you keep calling him random names and he hATES IT he just wants to be called namjoon because that’s his name

“hey joon”

“namjoon”

“good morning joonie”

“namjoon”

“hi joonathan”

“joona- namjoon!”

“whaddup dimples”

“hey bookworm”

“hey nerd”

“what’s up four-eyes”

“yo yo yo dork”

“oi egghead where’d i put my phone”

“it’s namjoon - and feet off the counter” it’s almost automatic at this point when namjoon shoVes your legs off the counter and you nearly fall off your chair from the force

he gives you a warning look when you move to put your feet back up and you huff grumpily

“no messy foods in the library” you gawk when namjoon picks up your takeaway box of spaghetti and proceeds to dump it into the bin

“don’t use the books as coasters” namjoon snatches your drink and picks up the book then wipes the condensation from your drink off the front cover

“no more texting during work hours” your phone disappears from your hands and you blink down at your fingers because that was sO speedy

“oH my god am i even allowed to breathe in here???” you snap exasperatedly because you and jimin were talking about how kook slipped in the cafeteria and got banana milk all over tae’s new shoes and taheyung freAKED it was hilarious

namjoon blinks down at you before opening up a drawer and dropping your phone in there before proceeding to l o c k the drawer

are you KIDDING me

is this bitch for real???? he just locked up your phone???????

“i don’t know. your breathing is kind of loud, so we’ll have to figure out a way around that issue.” and with that he turns his back with a huff but not before turning to face you one last time so he can look you right in the eye as he drops your can of soda into the bin

it’s pretty obvious that you and namjoon most certainly do not like each other but the both of you are just being very passive aggressive and tip-toeing around the elephant in the library

you let out a breath and dig your nails into your palm

deep breaths deep breaths

we’re doing this to graduate

we can do this

aight

no biggie

remember how you promised yourself you’d be more responsible when it came to your work load

obviously you forgot about that promise

because you have a final in a week and a half that you completely forgot about that even frickin jungkook was aware about

and now you have to jam a whole semester’s worth of information into your head and finish that 12 page paper for your history class and work on your presentation for your film class and there’s just so much that you have to do and you don’t have enough time to do everything

you decided to skip your last lecture of the day (you asked tae to take notes for you and he’s usually good at that so you’re not worried) to come to the library and study

and you couldn’t find an empty table or anything so you figured you’d just study at the desk

you’re surprised to see that namjoon isn’t around because he practically lives at the library

okay it’s whatever

he’d probably distract you anyway

you plop yourself down on the chair and proceed to pull out all your notes and books and markers and you dump it all on the table

you crack your knuckles and look down at the mountain in front of you

let’s do this

namjoon hums a tune to himself as he opens the door and enters the library

he’s in an especially good mood today for some reason

the smile falters on his face when he realises that he’s going to be spending the rest of the day with you and that’s definitely going to soil his mood

ugh

you’re usually late because you always come after your classes so he expects that he’ll be in a good mood for about twenty more minutes or so

namjoon pauses when he sees the top of your head poking out from behind the front counter

you’re

on time?

he looks at his watch

no you’re not just on time

you’re… early

you’ve never been early to a shift before

how odd

maybe someone finally lit a fire under your ass and you’re finally being more responsible!!

okay

he’s still in a good mood

he’s about to give you a chirpy greeting (and this time he’s not going to correct you if you address him using another one of your lame nicknames) and then he’s suddenly aware of the scene in front of his eyes

“y/n?” namjoon furrows his brows to see you with your face buried in your arms and you’re surrounded by like teN textbooks and a lot of scrap paper with random notes scribbled on them and a million highlighters and pens “…whatcha up to?”

you don’t respond and he leans over the counter a little more

…are you even alive

suddenly you look up at namjoon

he takes a step back in surprise at the sight of your red and watery eyes and he’s like o shit she crying

“are you okay??” he unlocks the gate and steps behind the front counter to join you

“i don’t know anything, namjoon. i literally don’t know anything and my final is in a week and a half.” you sniffle and reach up to wipe your tears away

“oh god. i’m going to fail this exam and this is totally going to put my life on hold and everyone’s going to graduate before me and i’ll be stuck here because of how stupid i am” you sob and slam a textbook shut and namjoon jumps

he’s never seen you like this before

he’s never seen you so… defeated

usually you’re all smiles and you have a smartass comment ready to go at all times and even when he shuts you down you don’t let that stop you

so for the first time ever

when he sees you with puffy eyes and a trembling bottom lip and a permanent frown on your face

he feels… bad

and you called him namjoon

not joon or dimples or bookworm

namjoon

this is serious

even though you piss him off everyday because of how irritating you are

you don’t deserve to be this sad

namjoon sets his briefcase down before pulling his chair over and sitting down next to you

he looks over at all the textbooks briefly before looking up at you “what are you studying?” he hands you the box of tissues that are on his side of the desk and you thank him quietly before sniffling and wiping the tear that’s trailing down your cheek

“um, philosophy.” you sound kind of nasally from how much crying you’ve done but whatever “right now i’m looking at the main branches of philosophy but i just don’t geT it.”

“okay, well…” namjoon glances at your handwritten notes for a second and all you’ve written down is ‘philosophy notes’ with a bright purple marker

oh god

is he really going to do this

is he really going to help you right now

because he could totally just tell you to put your notes away and do your job

but instead he’s deciding that he’s going to help you study for your finals

even though you’ve been nothing but an obnoxious piece of shIT for the past two months

he’s going to help you whether you like it or not

“let’s start off with differentiating between the branches. typically, there are four branches. sometimes there are five, but for philosophy301 you just focus on four. logic, epistemology, metaphysics, and-“

“what are you doing?” you interrupt namjoon and look at him confusedly

he’s

he’s helping you?

what?

why??

whY?????

“i’m… explaining the four branches of philosophy. at least i’m trying to. what’s wrong?” he tilts his head and blinks twice “oh, you know what, maybe i shouldn’t… because i can’t focus if your study station is a pig sty.” he starts cleaning up your papers and putting your highlighters back into your pencil case

he pauses in the middle of stacking your textbooks to look at you “don’t just stare at me - clean up! and then we’ll get on with it.”

“namjoon, you don’t have to-“

“y/n, i swear to god.” namjoon groans quietly and taps the top of your head with a pen “stop being so stubborn and just be a good girl.”

you raise your hands in defence

you can’t help the little smile that twitches at the corner of your mouth

namjoon’s helping you

…you knew he had a soft spot for u

(little do you know that you have a soft spot for him too)

>:-)

namjoon spends the next two and a half hours explaining many different philosophical concepts to you and he answers every single one of your questions

at one point you get a little shy because you feel like your questions are dumb but namjoon reassures you that your questions are most certainly not dumb

he even paused to tell you a story of how in one of his classes he raised his hand and forgot what he was going to ask by the time the prof got to him so he ended up asking the prof ‘what class is this?’

that made you crack uP because you can imagine namjoon’s flushed cheeks and nervous stammer so clearly

also namjoon shared his lunch with you which was a surprise (today he brought in a turkey sandwich and an apple)

“my favourite sandwich is actually turkey on whole wheat with spicy mustard - and my favourite kind of apple is honey crisp!”

“spicy mustard is too much flavour for me. i just like putting mayo. and i’m a red apple kinda guy.”

“you’re boring” you tease him as you bite into the sandwich

“am not! don’t attack me for liking the plainer things in life!”

even though the ingredients are pretty plain somehow it still works and you find yourself scarfing it down in like thirty seconds

namjoon pulls a hard candy out of his pocket and offers it to you

“you’re giving me one of your precious candies??” you gasp and pluck it so delicately from his fingers as if it were made of glass or something

“it’s only because i feel bad for you because you criEd so don’t expect anymore candies from me” namjoon snorts and bites into an apple slice “also i always see you staring at me whenever i pull out a candy”

“it’s only because i’m wondering if they’re stale or not” you unwrap it and pop it into your mouth quickly before namjoon can take it back

“they most certainly are not!” he gasps in mock offence before reaching up to adjust his glasses

“your glasses are just as dorky as you” you reach over and brush your fingers over the thick rims and namjoon scowls before smacking your hand away

“don’t make me regret helping you and sharing my food with you” he points an accusatory finger in your direction and you grin cheekily “now, c’mon - let’s talk about famous philosophers and then we’ll start making some flash cards!”

“i like flash cards!!! ooh we can use my mArkERs-“ you start rambling excitedly about your multicoloured markers and namjoon finds himself smiling fondly as he watches you rummage through your pencil case

hm

maybe you’re not so bad after all

“yES you got it again! alright who do we have next…” namjoon shuffles through the pile of flashcards on his lap

“okay-“ he pauses to read the notes on the back of the flashcard before holding it up for you “who is saint thomas aquinas?”

“ooh, i know this one!!” you raise your hand even though you’re the onLY One stuDYING

you’re so lame

endearingly lame

:~)

“hm, any takers?” namjoon plays along and pretends to look around a classroom of people before pointing at you “ah! yes, miss y/l/n?”

he’s just as lame as you are

you clear your throat and sit up straighter

“saint thomas aquinas was a 13th century dominican friar, theologian and doctor of the church, born in what is known today as the lazio region of italy.”

“okay, and what did he do?”

“uh, his most important contribution to western thought is the concept of natural theology! …right?”

“mm, go on” namjoon leans back against his chair and plucks at his bottom lip as he skims over the notes on the back of the card again

“he… adhered to the platonic and aristotelian principle of realism, which holds that certain absolutes exist in the universe, including the existence of the universe itself…?”

namjoon puts the card down and stares at you and ur like o shit am i wrong

a smile creeps onto his face and he raises his fist for you to bump “you got it!”

“yAY” you give him a fist bump and apologise quietly when you hear someone in the distance go ‘shh!!!!!’

they’ve shushed you like five times in the last hour

whoops

both you and namjoon exchange glances before bursting into giggles

“uGHhgH namJOoON” you groan and slump against the table as you twirl your pencil between your fingers

today’s been a pretty slow day

wednesdays are your longest days because you have classes from 9 to 6

and now you’re at the library and namjoon is forcing you to study even though you’re like hey let’s rearrange books or something!!!! let me do my job!!!!

“no complaining! now sit up straight and listen to me.”

you ignore him and continue twirling your pencil around

“y/n. sit up and listen.” he sighs and raises an eyebrow

you curse to yourself quietly before forcing yourself to sit up but you slump against the chair as if your bones were made of jelly

okay

well

better than nothing

“okay, let me tell you about the gemeinschaft-gesellschaft dichotomy. it was proposed by tönnies as a purely conceptual tool rather than an ideal type in the way it was used by max weber to accentuate the key elements of a historic or social change. got it?”

you give namjoon a pointed look before huffing “no”

namjoon lets out a slow sigh and looks through his notes again

meanwhile you’re spinning around and around on your wheely chair

namjoon’s hand shoots out and grips onto the arm of your chair to stop you “how about we take a break?”

“yEs i love that! now that i understand.” you stretch your limbs out but quickly curl up when your stomach rumbles

huh

you forgot that you didn’t get a chance to eat lunch today

namjoon clears his throat

“i actually,.., um, i brought you some food today!” namjoon turns and grabs the paper bag sitting on his desk

you raise a brow

“you did?”

hm

that’s a surprise

that’s actually really nice of him

“you’ve been working and studying pretty hard lately so i thought i’d treat you to lunch! turkey on whole wheat with spicy mustard.” namjoon clears his throat and hands you the bag before reaching up to scratch the back of his neck “and also a honey crisp apple… and two caramel candies.”

oh

he

he remembered your favourite kind of sandwich and your favourite kind of apple

which means he went out of his way to buy ingredients that he would usually stay the heck away from

that’s… that’s kind of sweet actually

“you remembered what i like?” you reach into the bag and pull out the neatly wrapped sandwich

“the, uh, the dorky glasses make me more observant” namjoon taps the frames gently and you laugh

“look, i didn’t mean- like, dorky isn’t necessarily a bad thing i just- it’s cute! you’re cute” you flush immediately wOw what is wrong with you

you clear your throat “your glasses are cute. your glasses.” you murmur

both you and namjoon avoid gazes and you don’t realise it but both your faces are on fire

namjoon twiddles with his thumbs and bites back his smile  

you’re about to take a bite of your sandwich before you realise he’S not eating anything “hey, where’s your food?”

“oH, right” namjoon twists back and grabs his paper bag

“lemme guess - turkey on white with mayo with a red apple.”

“ah, nice guess, but i’m afraid you’ve been mistaken” namjoon tsks and shakes his head “it’s tuna sandwich tuesday!! and i brought a pear!”

you snort and roll your eyes playfully

only namjoon would have a tuna sandwich tuesday

“i believe that’s another point to me” namjoon leans back against his chair proudly after he makes yet anotHer paper ball dunk into the waste bin

you convinced him to take a lil break since you’ve been studying for an hour and a half and your brain is about to explode

and today you’re the one who brought lunch for him

you bought soup from the cafeteria!! luckily they made his favourite today!! chicken soup

he got so excited when you presented the little take-out bowl to him

he even offered you a spoonful and at first you were like nah but he said look the cafe’s chicken soup is AMAzing you will not regret this

he blew over it to cool it down first before feeding it to you and you were like o shit ur right this is good

he ended up feeding you a couple more spoonfuls as you looked over your notes

it was kinda cute but whateva

so it’s kind of that after-lunch lull where your tummies are full and you’re feeling lazy

which is why you and namjoon are competing in paper-ball

and namjoon is winning which is very surprising

whenever you play paper-ball with jimin you’re always in the lead so you’re not used to thIS

you’re realising now that you might be a bit of a sore loser

“it’s getting hot in here - it must be because i’m on fire.” namjoon smirks as he adds another dash under his name

“lame” you roll your eyes as you crush up another paper ball

“okay but seriously i’m like sweating” namjoon sits up and peels his sweater-vest off before unbuttoning a couple buttons on his shirt and rolling his sleeves up neatly

your eyes flicker over to his now exposed forearms

he has.,.., really sexy arms.,,.. what the hell,.,,

namjoon wheels a little closer to you until his knee is in between your legs “here lemme do it because your paper-balls all sucK” namjoon takes the ball from your hand and you feel a lil ziPzaP when his fingers brush over yours

what the hell x2.,.,.,., his hANDS.,.,.,., even his hANDS ARE SEXY

“what’s the matter with you? where’s the witty retort?” you look up from his hands quickly and namjoon’s grinning at you in a way that makes your heart skip a beat

.,.. EVEN HIS TEETH ARE PERFECT???

omg

what’s happening to you

you look away quickly and try to snap yourself out of it

what the fuck

what the fuck is happening

what’s going on with your body

why are your hands clammy

why is your heart racing like this

why do you want him to scoot evEN closer

you like namjoon

oh no

you like namjoon

oh NO sweetie you do NOT like kim namjoon

yes you do

no you don’t

mmmmmyes you do

NO you don’t you can’t like namjoon!!! he’s the worst!

he’s the best and you love him

he wears stupid sweater vests!!

he can pull it off tho and also his button-up is kind of thin today and you can see very faint outlines of his abs and it makes you want to run your hands over his bronzey smooth skin you LOVe it you perv

“y/n? you okay?” namjoon taps your knee gently and raises a brow when you jumP in your seat  

“i’m good! i’m just…” you snatch the paper ball from his grasp and point to the waste bin “i’m just getting my heaD in the game because i’m going to kick your ass”

namjoon laughs before gesturing for you to throw “i’d like to see you try.” he leans back against his chair and crosses his arms

frick

even THAt was sexy

you are losing your mind

you like kim namjoon

“good morning!” namjoon plops down next to you and you let out a little yawn as a good morning “today’s the big day~” he wiggles his brows “you ready?”

you look down at your flashcards and your notes and give a little shrug

you think you’re ready?? maybe

“i guess so??” you murmur and stretch your limbs out

you decided to come to the library before your 8AM exam because.,,,.., uh.,,,.,

okay you just wanted to see namjoon so WHAT

“i have something for you-“ namjoon rummages through his bag before pulling out a bracelet looking thing

a bunch of different shades of purple threads braided together neatly

she looks a little worn out but she still cute

“this was my good luck bracelet when i was doing exams during my last year - i thought maybe you’d want to wear it or something? you don’t have to, obviously, but i know how nervous you are and… yeah, i don’t know… i just wanted to give it to you i guess“

there it is again

your heart just went boom-boom for joon-joon

you press your lips together to hold back a dorky smile before you stick your hand out for namjoon “i need all the luck i can get”

namjoon smiles and shakes his head as he ties the bracelet around your wrist carefully “you don’t need any luck. i believe in you!” he glances at the clock hanging behind you on the wall “you better get going - it’s 7:42.”

you let out a little sigh before getting up off the seat and grabbing your pencil case and your water bottle

namjoon looks up at you with a small smile “i’ll see you after your exam?” he watches as you open the little gate to step out

“if i survive, that is” you retort and namjoon rolls his eyes

you’re about to walk out but you turn around swiftly “namjoon?”

namjoon looks up at you “mm?”

“thank you… for everything.” you murmur shyly while twisting the bracelet around your wrist “you’re… not bad. not bad at all.”

you don’t really know what to saY but all you know is that you’re super appreciative and grateful to have someone like namjoon,,, care about you

and you’re already not good with emotional things so ‘you’re not bad at all’ is a pretty big thing to say in your opinion!!!

lucky for you

namjoon fully understands

namjoon’s cheeks flush slightly and he shakes his head “get outta here you sappy loser”

he lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding once you leave the library

and now that he has this moment alone

a realisation begins to creep into his mind

he likes you

well it’s pretty obvious at this point

things that used to irritate him about you are now endearing

he makes lunch for you willingly

he doesn’t flinch or move away when you initiate contact

he actually pays attention to your lame jokes

he gave you his good luck bracelet for god’s sakes

he likes you

you’ve been on edge for the whole day

this morning you got your philosophy final exam back

for a whole week this exam was on your mind and now it’s finally back in your hands and you can’t even bring yourself to look at your grade

because you’re terrified

you’re terrified that you failed yet another exam and you’ll have to graduate a year behind all of your friends and you’ll have to put your life on hold because you were a dumbass in university

and you’re terrified that you disappointed jin and jimin and namjoon

you don’t want to disappoint namjoon

but your exam has been burning a hole in your backpack and you figure that it’s now or never

“oh pleasepleaseplease” you whisper to yourself as your trembling fingers gently pull the crinkled, folded up piece of paper from your backpack

okay

hoo

okay

no need to panic

it’s just your philosophy final that you had to get at least a 90% on to make up for the rest of your shitty grades in that course

you pinch the corner of the page getting ready to flip it open

you take your bottom lip in between your teeth nervously

you squeeze your eyes shut

it’s now or never

you unfold it in one smooth motion and the paper makes a thwacking sound as you do so

you peel an eye open

you peel the other eye open

and the blood drains from your face

namjoon’s in the middle of putting books back onto the shelves

it’s the end of the day and there aren’t a lot of people around so it’s nice and quiet

namjoon likes these nice and quiet days

it’s just him and the books

him and his library

and then he hears something

frantic footsteps slapping against the floor in the distance

huh

someone must be in a rush

he furrows his brows when the footsteps get louder

and he whips around to look at the entrance of the library with narrowed eyes

…

…

…

bAM

he yelps in fear when the doors suddenly buRST open and a manic-looking you appears with wide eyes and a huGe (slightly terrifying) grin

you look around the library before you lock gazes with namjoon and if it’s even possible your smile grows wider

oh good god

you look like what’d he’d see in the corner of his room if he ever got sleep paralysis

“what-“

“yoU BEAUTIFUL TREE OF A MAN I LOVE YOU” the next thing namjoon knows you’re leaping into his arms and he quickly grips under your thighs instinctively so that you don’t fall flat on your ass

he stumbles backwards a little and his fingers dig into the flesh of your thighs as you smoosh kisses all over his face

he’s certainly not complaining but whAt the hell is going on

you drop back down onto your feet and you unravel your arms around namjoon’s neck and throw your hands up in the air “i goT 98% ON MY EXAM” you squeal excitedly before wrapping your arms around his neck in a hug and bouncing up and down and oHHH now he sees why you’re acting like a psychopath

“see!!!! i told you you could do it i’m sO ProuD of you!!!!!!!” namjoon grins and wraps his arms around your waist and twirls you around in a circle “98% is so good!!!!!”

“i know!! i never get a 98% on anything!!!” you giggle and pull away from the crook of his neck

your arms are still wrapped around his neck and his arms are still wrapped around your waist

your breathing slows down a bit as you start to calm down and

oh

your faces are very very close

and suddenly

you feel this overwhelming urge to kiss namjoon

you want him to kiss you

namjoon’s eyes flicker down to your lips and you feel your heart pounding in your chest

it’s going to happen

he’s going to kiss you  

you’re disappointed when he quickly takes a step back and pulls away from you

you clear your throat and smooth your skirt down and namjoon adjusts his wonky glasses

both of your guys’ faces are on fire

“anyways - 98% is really good! aim for 99% next time.” namjoon teases and turns around to look at his book cart again and the moment he turns away from u he mouths a ‘wHAT THE FUCK’ to himself because WHAT THE FUCK

meanwhile your face is on fire because that was deFINTEly something

you guys had a moment

does this mean namjoon likes you back

omg

doES IT?????

“joon” you approach him and tap his shoulder gently before standing next to him

“mhm?” he glances at you briefly before looking back at the books on the cart

you get up on your tiptoes and plant a little smooch on his cheek and namjoon freezes immediately

“is there anything for me to do?” you ask casually as if you didn’t just kiSS HIS CHEEK

“u-uh-“

“oh shoot you know what i was organising the thriller novels before my exam and i never finished doing that! let me go do that now and then you can give me something else to do” you disappear in between the shelves and namjoon blinks owlishly

he reaches up and brushes his fingers over his hot cheek

and the FATTEST smile appears on his face

today’s been kind of a slow day

namjoon texted you earlier and said he’d be in late today

so here you are

sitting behind the front counter

alone

well, not exactly

lisa, wendy and jisoo came to keep you company even though you insisted you were fine

they texted and asked if you wanted to grab some lunch and when you didn’t respond they all came to ambush you at the library

“yeah, sure! as soon as namjoon gets here we can go get some food.” you smile politely before looking back down at the computer

these girls,,, well they’re not your frieNds exactly

they’re in a couple of your classes

let’s just say they’re a whole lot more popular than you think you’ll ever be

they’ve taken a liking to you for some reason and you don’t mind because the more the merrier!! also it’s kinda cool because in high school you were never really friends with the ‘’’’’cool gals’’’’’’ so there’s that too

also you think another reason why they hang around you is because you’re friends with guys like jimin and jungkook and you don’t want to be that person but like..,,. YEaH ur boy-friends are really attractive so it makes sense to go through you to get to them (spoiler alert jimin and jungkook do not like any single one of these girls but you don’t have the heart to break the news to them)

“namjoon… why does that name sound so familiar” lisa furrows her brows and leans against the counter

“remember? he was that guy in our philosophy lecture last year - the one who sat at the front? he graduated last year” you hum and scribble something down

“oh shit, i remember!!!” lisa gasps “…oh god, he was awful. such a try-hard”

wait what

your head pops up and you furrow your brows “well like he’s not a try-hard he’s just passionate about-“

“i hated him. he kept reminding the prof to give us pop quizzes” wendy shudders

“i bet he’s still a virgin”

“who cares if he-“

“i bet he hasn’t had his first kiss yet”

“we can’t just assume that he hasn’t just because he-“

“yeah, i wouldn’t be surprised” jisoo snorts “who the hell would wanna kiss someone who looks like that?”

what the hell

what kind of assholey thing was that to say??

“…what?”

“oh, c’mon, y/n. the sweater vests. the pervert glasses.”

“he’s tall and gangly. no meat on his bones??”

“i could never even imagine dating a loser like that!”

and suddenly you remember why you don’t like these girls

namjoon is in a very vEry good mood today

and now he gets to spend the rest of the day with you so he’s teN times happier!!!!!!!

plus he brought lunch for you again because he knows that sometimes you neglect your stomach and he can’t have that (and as cute as your stomach rumbles are he wants to make sure you’re eating and not skipping lunch just because you’re too lazy to line up)

he hopes you like the sandwich

he cut it into the shape of a heart just because he thought it was kinda cute

and uh

the heart-sandwich kind of emphasises the fact that he likes you a lot

ALSO

he picked out a bunch of little daisies from the ground on his way here

and he tied them together in a little bouquet using a blade of grass

very rustic looking bouquet but still adorable!!

he looked like a madman yanKIng all the daisies out of the ground but u know what he’s embracing it because he’s a fool in LOVe

he accidentally stepped on a couple daisies and was like yikes

and he has a couple specks of dirt on his shirt but he’ll deal with it later

anyways

today’s the day he’s going to tell you that he likes you ~romantically~ and he’s going to ask if you wanna grab dinner after you guys leave the library tonight

he even made reservations at this cute cafe he hopes you’ll like

and he’s dressed extra spiffy today

his hair is swept back neatly and he even used a lil more gel to keep every strand in place

there’s not one speck of dust on his glasses lens

he ironed his tie and his button-up

and he’s wearing a brand new expensive cologne

all for you!!!!!! because you are woRth it

his heart skips a bit at the mere thought of your smile and that adorable giggle and the way your nose crinkles when he scolds you playfully

frick he likes u sO MCUH

he decides to take the back door today

just because the romance books are on the shelves in the back and he’s in a romantic mood and wants to pick out a book for you to read

he’s thinking Jane Austen’s ‘Persuasion’ is a good one

namjoon’s finger brushes over the spines of the books on the shelves as he looks for it

he perks up when he finds it

perfect!!!!!!!

he tucks the book under his arm and adjusts his book bag on his shoulder and triple checks that he has everything

sandwich? check

new book?? got it

flowers???? yEs

say it with me now: hoTEL?trivAGo

he hears the murmuring of some voices as he nears the front and he freezes when he hears his name float through the air

hm?

he pokes his head out from around the corner and sees you and a couple of who he can safely assume are your girl friends because they’re all giggling about something

namjoon furrows his brows and stays hidden behind a bookshelf

a little eavesdropping never hurts nobody

“you would never go out with someone like namjoon, right? i know i wouldn’t” lisa taps the top of your head to get your attention “not even if we were the last people on earth”

“yeah, i don’t think i would either” you reply automatically because if you said yEs i’d go for namjoon (and u totally would) you’d never hear the end of it

((but at the same time who cares about what these girls think?? they’re not ur real friends))

you don’t want to go out with them anymore

as soon as this conversation ends you’re kicking these assholes the heck out of the library

but you can’t kick them out without saying something nice about namjoon because ?? namjoon is one of the sweetest guys ever and they need to be aware of that

“but without him i wouldn’t have passed my exam so i have to give him some credit for that” you point out and hope that they’ll cut him some slack

wendy leans against the counter and gasps

“oh, i love that, you cold-hearted bitch!!! taking advantage of the smarty-pants virginey loser to pass your exams?? geniuS”

okay

that didn’t exactly work out

“you would never go out with someone like namjoon, right? i know i wouldn’t”

“yeah, i don’t think i would either”

…

…

…what?

namjoon deflates and he feels his heart clench in his chest

his fingers tighten around the paper bag and he takes a small step back

frick

he knew this day was going too well

you…

you really wouldn’t want to go out with him?

you wouldn’t even give him one chance?

was he really that awful?

“but without him i wouldn’t have passed my exam so i have to give him some credit for that”

“oh, i love that, you cold-hearted bitch!!! taking advantage of the smarty-pants, virginey loser to pass your exams?? geniuS”

namjoon’s eyes flutter shut and he presses his lips together

of course

of coursE this would happen to him

you were the one person that he thought might’ve actually like him back and it turns out you were only using him to pass your exams

how could he not have seen that????

you???? being interested in him?????

i m p o s s i b l e

you don’t go for dorky librarians like him

you go for guys like min yoongi and jeon jungkook and park jimin

well now he just feels stupid

he has a stupid heart shaped sandwich and a stupid honey crisp apple and a stupid packet of animal crackers in this stupid paper bag that has your name on it because he has a stupid crush on you and he really thought you liked him back and he was looking forward to taking you out on a stupid stUPID date

but of course the inevitable happens

you don’t like him… at all.

you used him?

your fingers tighten around the pen and you bite down on your tongue

these girls are getting on your nerves now

whatever

you’re kicking them out now you’re done with this  

“anyways - as much as i wanna talk about how much of a loser kim namjoon is,” you say sarcastically and make air quotes “i think i have some work to do so i’m going to have to put a rain check on-“

you jump when you hear the sound of some books toppling off the shelf and everyone immediately looks at the source of the sound

you stand up and peek over the girls’ shoulders

and the blood immediately drains from your face

“n-namjoon?”

oh,,,., god

oh no no nO

did he hear everything you said??

namjoon doesn’t think it’s possible for his heart to break even more

but then

“anyways - as much as i wanna talk about how much of a loser kim namjoon is, i think i have some work to do so i’m going to have to put…”

ouch

okay

big yikes

this did not go according to plan at all

maybe he should head out the back door and then come in through the front door and just act like everything is normal

yes

that’s a good plan

namjoon turns around to leave but he stumbles over his feet a little and his hands reach out to grip onto the bookshelf  

instead what happens is he shoves a couple books riGHt off the shelf and namjoon curses before automatically dropping to his knees to pick them up

“n-namjoon?”

oh shit

where does he go from hERE

namjoon freezes like a deer in headlights and he swallows thickly before slowly turning to look up at you “u-uh, i-i-“

“hey, look what the cat dragged in!” wendy coos and namjoon feels his heart starting to race in his chest when the girls approach him “what do we have here, hm?”

before he has the chance to pick up the paper bag jisoo snAtches it from the ground

“oh, y/n! it’s for you!” she unrolls the top and reaches it before pulling out the sandwich

she coos before pushing her bottom lip out in a mocking pout “aw, isn’t that cute? a wittle heart shaped sandwich for y/n!” her eyes flicker down to the bouquet of daisies that have now been tramPled on “and a bouquet of weeds!! ever the romantic, aren’t you??”

namjoon feels his entire face flush bright red and he’s struggling to put the books back onto the shelf

he’s just doing whatever it takes to avoid eye contact with the girls

“you’re looking a little red, namjoon. maybe you should take that cardigan off?” wendy pinches his cheek and namjoon gets off his knees immediately

although he towers over them he knows they’re the ones holding the power in this moment

“what’s the matter? you’re not even going to say hi to y/n??” lisa frowns before gesturing to you

namjoon locks gazes with you and your heart clenches when you’re able to see the pure hurt and pain in his glassy eyes

he looks away from you immediately and bends down to grab his bag

“nam-“ the next thing you know he spRints towards the front door and leaves

all three girls burst into laughter and jisoo tosses the paper bag and the flowers onto the front counter and it lands right in front of you

your heart tightens at the sight of your name scribbled on it with a little heart drawn next to it

you pick up the bouquet of daises and they flop down against your fingers sadly

“…you guys are assholes” you hiss and start packing up your things

“what? y/n, what’s wr-“

“all of you - get out!” you snap and point towards the door as you zip your backpack up frantically

the girls all exchange glances before scoffing and leaving the library

good fucking riddance

you basically leAp over the gate and sprint towards the front door

you’re not technically supposed to leave the library because no one’s at the front desk but you need to find namjoon

jesus

you should’ve said something!!! you should’ve stuck up for joon!!!! why didn’t you???

why didn’t you stick up namjoon who always makes sure you’re drinking enough water and eating enough food and not skipping meals and who always offers to get you a snack whenever he goes to the cafe and is always very patient with you when he’s teaching you something new and is always giving you new books to read

namjoon with his boisterous laugh when you or that shy giggle he does where he covers his mouth and his eyes crinkle

namjoon who makes you feel happy and safe and warm and smart and all the good things in the world

namjoon who makes your heart go boom-boom because of how sweet and caring and wonderful he is

namjoon who has two left feet and has officially tripped his way into your heart

you look like a maniac because you’re sprinting everywhere to try and find namjoon but you seriously don’t know where he is

you’re out of breath and your bag is flopping against your back anD you’re holding onto the daises and the paper bag for dear life

you spend an hour trying to find namjoon

but he’s nowhere to be found

you end up back at the library and you let out a sigh as you shut the gate behind you

it’s the end of the day so there’s nobody around really

the sun is beginning to set

you groan and slam your head against the desk in frustration

you

are

an idiot

congratulations, y/n y/l/n - you fucked up.

“thank you” namjoon smiles at the waitress before sitting up a little straighter and reaching out for the sandwich on his plate

he takes a small bite and his eyes flicker to across the booth where you should be

suddenly he’s not feeling very hungry anymore

he swallows his bite and pushes the plate away before slumping against the booth and looking out the window of the cafe

he curses to himself when he feels a lump growing in his throat

he feels dumb crying over you

he should’ve known you would never go for someone like him

he sniffles and reaches up to dab away the single tear that’s threatening to spill over

namjoon doesn’t come to work the next day

instead you’re met with the sight of some random guy sitting behind the counter

his name is hoseok and he’s all smiles and you’re sure he’s a nice guy but he’s really getting on your nerves right now

and he has the audacity to ask you if you need help with anything

he’s sitting in namjoon’s chair!!!!!!

“sorry- where’s namjoon?” you interrupt his little rant about his day and he blinks at you

“hm? oh! uh, not sure… would you like me to try contacting him for you? if you have a question about how things work around here you can always ask me! i used to work at the library but they told me i talked too much buT here i am again because-”

oh my god this guy is infuriating

namjoon doesn’t come to work the next day

or the next

or the next

or the next

you’re starting to get worried

you’ve texted him - no response

you’ve called him - no response

you talked to jin and jin told you that you actually have enough extra credit now!! so you’ve been relieved of your librarian duties buT since namjoon isn’t there you can fill in for him til he comes back

“i thought i was supposed to continue working there til the end of the semester? and after the semester ends i’ll get the extra credit?”

“yeah, i thought so too - but i guess you’ve done such a good job that namjoon’s given you extra exTra credit!! good job!!!” jin grins and claps his hands together “goodbye summer school!!!!!! now, listen, let’s not fail our courses so that i don’t have to have this discussion with you again, how about we…”

o god

namjoon doesn’t want you around anymore thAt’s why he gave you the all extra credit immediately

you slump against the seat as jin continues to blab about a study plan for you

what are you doing to do now?

two weeks pass by and you’ve gone to the library every single day in hopes that namjoon will be there

instead you’re met with hoseok’s smiling face

side note: you’ve warmed up to him he’s actually really sweet

but you just

you miss your joonie

so when you walk into the library after a particularly tiring day and see namjoon sitting at the desk instead of hoseok

you’re understandably a little shook

“namjoon?? where have you been????” you gasp and shut the gate behind you “i-i’ve texted and i tried calling you but you-“

“i just needed a break.” namjoon shrugs

there’s an awkward silence between the two of you and you pluck at a loose thread on your sweater

okay

you need to say something

you had something planned out but for some reason you can’t remember what you were going to say

how about you start off with sorry

okay

that’s a good plan

start off with sorry

easy peasy lemon squeezy

you clear your throat and sit down in your chair before scooting closer to namjoon

he doesn’t budge

that’s a good sign.,., right

“hey, uh, look - i’m sorry-“

“it’s fine.” namjoon replies softly and flips to the next page in his book

it’s obviously not

he can’t even look you in the eye

“namjoon, i-“

“i think you should go. people who aren’t librarians aren’t supposed to be behind the desk.” namjoon snaps his book shut before getting up off his seat and walking over to the gate

he holds it open for you

okay

you deserve that

“i just wanted to say that i’m sorry-“

“yeah, i got it. is there anything else i can help you with?”

god

u feel awful

you pluck at the purple bracelet around your wrist nervously

“please, just give me a second to explain-“

“you’ve done plenty of explaining. i get it. i’m not good enough for little miss y/n y/l/n.” namjoon scoffs “message received loud and clear.”

“no, that’s not tru-“

“now if you’ll excuse me, i have some students waiting who actually need help.” namjoon gestures to the line of students before pointing at the gate

you swallow the lump in your throat and you stand up and grab your bag

difficult difficult orange difficult

namjoon feels a twinge of guilt nibbling away at his conscience

it’s been about

five days? since he last saw you

five days since you tried apologising and he didn’t even give you a second to explain yourself which honestly wasn’t fair of him

and he wants to talk to you and stuff but,..,., like.,. he’s never experienced anything like this before and he doesn’t know what to do

are the two of you just going to avoid each other for the rest of your time here

the only time you interact will be when you check out a book at the library which very rarELy happens

he can’t help but wonder when he’ll see you again

the next time he sees you he’s definitely going to say something

and it seems like someone up there is either on his side or really hates him

because there you are

behind the counter

but he hasn’t had a chance to prepare for this situation and whAT IS HE GOING TO SAY TO U

it’s then that he notices that something is off

“y/n? what are you doing here? you don’t work here anymore and… it’s saturday.”

namjoon jumps when you whIP around clutching a bunch of books to your chest

“i put all the returned books away. i stamped all the new books on the first page and not the front cover-“

namjoon can barely pay attention to what you’re saying because you look

well

you looking a little rough girl

there are bags under your bloodshot eyes

your hair is pulled up into a messy bun

there’s a pen stuck through the bun

your reading glasses are tangled in your hair

“i also put the new books into the cataloguing system so you don’t have to spend this weekend doing that anymore!! you can go home and rest if you want!! i-i can take care of it!!”

“how long have you been h-“  

“i’ve restrung all the old books that are falling apart! i-i vacuumed behind the desk and i dusted the bookshelves too-“ you gesture wildly to the bookshelves

“y/n - jesus, you look like you’re about to pass out i think you should rest” namjoon rushes behind the counter and grabs onto your shoulders to steady you because you’re starting to sway a little bit

even though he’s still hurt by what happened he’s not going to prioritise thAt before you especially since you don’t look so good right now

also now that a good amount of time has passed he’s slowly starting to get over it

if you don’t like him like that then you don’t like him like that

there’s nothing he can do about it

he just has to accept it

“no namjoon listen to me look i even restocked on those black pens you like so much and i didn’t use my glittery pink pens when i labelled the books!” you sniffle and look up at him with watery eyes before gesturing to the cup of pens

“yes, i see that-“

“i just need you to know how sorry i am, okay?”

“yes, and i’ve forgiven you-“

“no, you haven’t! you haven’t forgiven me and i can see why! if i were in your shoes i wouldn’t forgive me! i’m just an asshole and there’s literally no excuse in the world to defend what i said about you and i feel awful and i’d understand if you never wanna see me again because i would never wanna see me again-“

“-y/n-“

“but you’re literally the sweetest guy i’ve ever met and i like you so sO much and you didn’t have to help me study for my finals and you didn’t have to give me extra credit-“

“-y/n-“

“and you need to know that i don’t think all those awful things about you i was just being stuPId because those girls make me act stupid and i don’t know i should’ve defended you but i didn’t but i reaLLy wanted to but i-i just froze and i didn’t know what to do and aLSO i’m not letting you give me extra credit because i’m smart enough to know that i have to finish working for a full semester before you administer extra credit-

“oH my god will u just shUT UP”

in a raRe act of spontaneity namjoon grabs your cheeks and bends down and plants his lips right against yours

and as cheesy as it seems

f i r e w o r k s

your eyes flutter shut and you fist namjoon’s shirt in your hands as you kiss him back

and then namjoon realizes the the fact he’s kissing you

he’s kissing you

he pulls away quickly and steps back and you immediately miss his warmth but also

he just kissed you

did that really happen??

or are you overtired and you just dreamt that whole thing up??

“wha…”

“i forgive you, alright? and… you can come back and work here for your extra credit.” namjoon clears his throat and scratches the back of his neck “now go and take a nap before you pass out right here right now”

his entire face is on fire

what the hell was THAT

namjoon watches as you lie down behind the counter and cuddle up to a makeshift pillow (his hoodie that he let you borrow after a long night of studying)

a couple days go by

things are

kinda normal ??

you guys are slowly falling back into your old routine

you apologise again and namjoon reassures you that he’s forgiven you and tells you to stop saying sorry before he kicks you out again

you get a chance to fully explain the situation and noW namjoon definitely forgives you

it was a misunderstanding and yeah he was pretty hurt but

he’s over it now

and he tells you to quit apologising otherwise he’ll make you a sandwich with no mayonnaise at aLL and you shut up immediately

also

you two haven’t brought up the kiss at all

namjoon is mortified

he’s never going to be spontaneous ever again

do you even remember kissing him?? (yes u do and ur freaking out about it)

god he hopes not

jeSus

if it isn’t obvious by now namjoon is a lil bit of a coward

it’s not his fault!!!!

why would a sane person want to step out of their comfort zone?? just STAY in the comfort zone that’s why it’s called the C OM F O R T zone

things that are within the vicinity of kim namjoon’s comfort zone:

1) adding a touch of sriracha to his sandwiches for a LITTLE bit of a kick

2) drinking soup and wearing a crisp, white button-up because he’s very neat and is 100% positive he won’t get a droplet of soup on his shirt

3) not making a move on you because he doesn’t know what to do and if he doesn’t know what to do he’s just going to leave it like that

you, on the other hand

you are very different

things that are within the vicinity of y/n y/l/n’s comfort zone:

1) adding a SHITloAD of spicy mustard to your sandwiches because p a i n   i s p le a su re

2) drinking soup and wearing a white tee-shirt because who cares?? if u stain the shirt you can just say you bought it like that AND it gives your clothes more character

3) making many maNy moves on namjoon to try and encourage him to reciprocate affection and eventually admit that he has feelings for you

“good morning, joonie~” namjoon’s eyes pop open when you lean down and plant a ‘’;’friendly’;;’;’ kiss on his cheek

o

that was unexpected

“morning” he clears his throat and stays quiet as you sit down and pull your things out

you wheel closer to him and look down at the desk “whatcha doin?”

“uh,” namjoon looks down at the book on the desk “re-binding a book… it, um, it was kinda falling apart but to be fair it’s a really old book so i can see why-“

“do you need help??” you reach over and brush your fingers over where namjoon’s holding the spine of the book down as he waits for the glue to dry

his cheeks immediately buRST into flames and he yanks his hand away before breaking into a nervous laugh “no!! it’s okay!!! i- uh, i suddenly remembered i.,,. i have to pEE” the chair spiNS in circles from how quickly he zippEd off of it and you let out a small breath

this is going to be a lot harder than u thought

“y/n, where did you- oh, there you are! your soup is getting cold” namjoon scratches the back of his neck

he furrows his brows when he sees you on your tip-toes on the toP STEP of the very VERY old wooden ladder

you turn to glance at him “oh, hey! i’ll be right there. i’m just cataloguing some of these older books”

“okay, um- maybe you should use the metal ladder instead?? didn’t i tell you the wooden one is basically falling apart?” namjoon adjusts his collar nervously

o god

his palms are getting sweaty

you look down at the ladder before shaking your head

“you never told me that”

LIES

he DID tell you that but this is all part of your master scheme

>:-)

although you’re probably going to break every single bone in ur body if you’re not careful so u should probably get off soon

you’re not aware of this yet but the weak wood is starting to splinter a bit under your weight

“i’m fine, joon. look!” namjoon’s heart stops in his chest when you stomp down on the step in a poor attempt to prove its stability “see?? totally fine”

oh my god

you’re purposely trying to kill him aren’t you

luckILY it doesn’t fall apart

and then he hears the first splinter

and a crack

and another crack

namjoon’s superman instincts immediately kick into gear and he zips towards you when the ladder suddenly snaps and you’re sent hurdLING TO THE GROUND

you find yourself in namjoon’s arms in a millisecond after falling and you blink up at him “holy shit”

“i toLD YOU” namjoon scolds and doesn’t budge when you slip an arm around his shoulder and praCTIcally cuddle up to him “i told you the wooden one was crap but you neveR listen to me and you could’ve seriously hurt yourself and whAT was the whole stomping thing are you an IDIOT-“

“you care about me” you grin and poke his chest and namjoon glances down at you

he clears his throat

“of course i care about u” he lets you back down onto your feet and takes a step away from you “now come and eat ur stupid soup before i smack u”

somehow you end up tricking namjoon into feeding you spoonfuls of soup because you’re “still shaken up from what just happened”

namjoon rolls his eyes at your antics but uh

he plays along

:-)

“y/n y/l/n??? reading??? preposterous!” you look up from your book when namjoon suddenly appears and sets a stack of books on the countertop

“don’t use your fancy vocabulary in front of me, you know i only know like 3 words maximum”

“what are you reading?” he adjusts his glasses and peeks over a little

“i don’t even know what i’m reading. i just picked it up because i was bored. it’s called ‘Captain Corelli’s Mandolin’. i thought it was about pirates but it’s….. noT.”

of course u thought it was about pirates

“oh! i’ve read that one! Louis de Bernières, right?”

you close the book to look at the front cover

“ya it’s lewis dee bearnards.”

namjoon looks at you like,, okay A+ for effort

“read it out loud”

“don’t you have work to do?”

“i do, but read a line to me! refresh my memory”

“alright, alright - here” you lean your elbows on the counter so that you’re right next to namjoon

you clear your throat and open the book to find where you were at

“When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are to become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.”

“Because this is what love is.” namjoon quotes quietly and you put the book down

the two of you lock gazes and you can’t help but notice that something feels different between the two of you

and then you find yourself leaning closer

and closer

and closer

and-

“anYways it’s a really good boOk” namjoon suddenly stands up before clumsily picking up the stack of books “i’ll be in the back!!!!!!”

you groan quietly

SO close

“thanks for walking me home” you smile up at joon and he nods in response “and thanks for lending me your cardigan”

you slip your arm from his as you go to unlock your door

you turn around and wrinkle your nose “you probably want your cardigan ba-“

“you can keep it!” namjoon blurts out and quickly looks away “i mean, um… if you want. you can keep it. so next time you have something to keep you warm when it’s cold?”

you press your lips together to hide your grin and you nod and look down at the plain brown cardigan “okay, well… thanks again.” you murmur and take a lil step closer to namjoon

he looks up at you in surprise and you can FEEL the magnetic attraction bringing the two of you closer and closer

it’s going to happen

he’s going to kiss you at your front door

and it’s going to be magical

and then-

“i think i left my oven on at home” namjoon breathes out and he’s SO close you feel his breath wash over your lips “can i text you later?”

god DAMNIT

this is fucking ridiculous

you and joon keep having these almost-kiss moments and you will GLADLY smooch the man but he backs out every time and is like hOohOo i’ll be in the back!!!!!!!!! or he’ll be like i NEED 2 PEE or like i NEED TO READ A BOOK NOW

whenever you’re standing near him or your knee brushes over his when you guys are sitting with each other he gets all nervous and jittery and his face gets all flushed and then he’s like i NEED TO DUST SOMETHING

and then when he leaves each time you have to refrain yourself from grabbing the stapler and like stapling your fingers together out of frustration

he’s just so!!!!!!!! he’s being such a nAMJOON

you’ve never really chased a guy down like this before

and at first it was fun but now you’re just frustrated

so you’ve finally decided it’s time for the last resort

as much as you hate confrontation

it’s necessary in this situation

“i have a question for you” you murmur as you scribble a note down in your journal

it’s a pretty quiet afternoon in the library (as per usual except there are less people here since exam season is over)

namjoon’s sitting behind the counter and you’re standing in front of it doing your work because you felt like your ass was going to fall off from how numb it became due to you sitting on it for like 5 hours straight

you set your pencil down quietly “joon.”

namjoon sighs and flips through his book “if it’s about the online library system i told you you have to hit the big green button for it to sav-“

“why don’t you wanna kiss me again? i know you like me too”

wait wat

namjoon chokes on his tea and pats his chest a couple times before quickly adjusting his glasses

did you just

did he hear you right

what the fu

what???

what’s happening

is this a fever dream

you like him too?

“sorry - w-what?”

“i said - i know you like me too. so what’s the problem, dimples?” you lean over on the counter and prop your chin up on your palm

what’s the problem?

the problem is that this is way too good to be true

he knows exactly what’s happening

you don’t like him you only think you like him

he doesn’t need your pity

you’re only saying you like him because he’s the lame librarian and he’s not mr athlete like yoongi and you’re trying to make him feel better

“i- who- look, i don’t know who put this ridiculous idea in your head, but i-i don’t!” namjoon gets up from his chair quickly and walks out from behind the counter

the little gate snAPS shut

“why’d you kiss me in the first place then??”

…,.,.touché

“to get you to shuT uP” namjoon explains as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world even though he’s definitely lying thru his teeth right now

“to get me to shut up mY ASS”

namjoon bites down on in inside of his cheek and suppresses a groan

OH my god you are so IRRITATING

“wha- if anything, i think you’re the most infuriating, annoying, and obnoxious girl i’ve ever met!” namjoon takes a step towards you and towers over you but you don’t budge “you- you always crash the cataloguing system and you never put the books back in alphabetical order like you’re supposed to and on top of that you’re always bringing your dumb snacks in here and you always leave crumbs everywhere for me to clean up even though i’ve told you multiple times you have to clean up after yoursel- mmph!”

namjoon’s eyes go as wide as saucers when you’re suddenly grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and yanking him down so that you can kiss him

S M O O C H

you pull away and namjoon blinks quickly before his cheeks flare up

you let go of his collar and smooth it down before prodding your finger into his chest accusingly

“you have all these complaints about me yet you never activELy try to stop me and that signals to me that yoU LIKE ME- oh!” namjoon’s suddenly grabbing your waist and pushing you up against the counter and then he leans down to mash his lips against yours

you feel the sting from where the counter is digging into your back but holy shit you do noT give a fuck right now

his hands are cupping your face and he tilts his head to deepen the kiss

namjoon licks into your mouth and you let out a small noise of surprise

you whimper and tug at his tie to pull him even closer to you

“waIt wait wait oh god this is highly inappropriate y/n we’re in an educational setting” namjoon pulls away from you and you find yourself chasing after his lips before you’re like you’rE right you’re right

so the two of you step away from each other and you smooth out your shirt while namjoon adjusts his collar

the two of you look at each other and lock gazes

…

and then you’re immediately lunging at each other again and namjoon’s strong arms wrap around your waist while your arms wrap around his neck

he lifts you up in one swift movement and you find yourself sitting on the countertop leaning down to kiss joon while he slots himself in between your legs and places one hand on your waist while the other rests on your thigh

“you’re a very good kisser” you murmur into the kiss  

“don’t underestimate me” he squeezes your thigh and you smack his hand away when it starts sliding up higher and higher

“so are you still positive that you don’t like me back?” you pout and slide a hand down his chest and namjoon reaches up to wrap his fingers around your wrist

he purses his lips and pretends to think “you might have to kiss me again and then i’ll have a definite answer for you”

you giggle and cup his cheeks before leaning in to give him a sweet little peck and namjoon hums happily

“…yeah, i definitely like you back”

the two of you can’t hide the fat grins on your faces

god bless the library

surprisingly enough you aren’t actually that much of a party person

just because going to parties requires so much damn effort

you take like two hours to slather 10 pounds of makeup on your face and another hour to squeeze into a saucy outfit

and then when you get to the frat house it’s all dark inside so doing your makeup wasn’t even worth it

and when you sit down you have to sit straight otherwise you’ll buSt out of your jeans

you only go to parties because of jimin

he usually takes care of the drinks and it would be plain rude of you to say no to free drinks!!!!!!!!

the basketball team is celebrating their big win and they’re going aLL out and they asked jimin to take care of the drinks for them at this party and so jimin was like ya you don’t have a choice you have to come to the party

and you know jimin’s going to be busy all night so you invited namjoon to come along

no offence to your sweet boyfriend but you hope he doesn’t get too overwhelmed because he gets overwhelmed pretty easily

obviously parties aren’t his scene which isn’t a bad thing

you told him that if he was uncomfortable and wanted to leave you would totally leave with him

you’re predicting that he’s going to show up in a sweater vest or something

bless him

to be fair you’re wearing one of his cardigans over your outfit right now just because it’s still a little chilly out anD the cardigan kind of matched with your ~lewk~ for the night

and also it smells like him and makes u feel cozy

:~)

“look at this set up! this is like a legit bar” you smooth your hands over the marble countertop and jimin nods enthusiastically

“i know right!!! you’re lucky that you’re friends with the bartender - so what can i get for you tonight, ma’am?” jimin smirks and tosses a rag over his shoulder before wiggling his brows

“surprise me, minnie” you grin

“where’s namjoon?” jimin plops a chunk of lime into the shaker

“he’s on his way! he wanted to stay back and clean up before coming here and he-“ your phone suddenly buzzes in your pocket “-and he’s calling me right now pardon me” jimin nods and wanders off to the other end of the bar for the ice

“hello?”

“hey, i just got here - where are you?”

“i’m by the bar! i’m wearing your cardigan so-“

“oh! okay, i see you. i’ll see you in a sec” you hang up and slip your phone into your back pocket and jimin wanders back over with your drink

“i’ll start you off with a spicy blackberry margarita” you ‘ooh’ in amazement because this looks like a veRy fancy drink

jimin watches you expectantly as you take a sip and your eyes pop open “this is SO good!!!!! please keep them coming or i’m suing” you murmur while taking the straw in between your lips again

“hi baby” you feel someone slip an arm around you from behind and you immediately recognise that musky cologne when joon props his chin up on your shoulder

“mm- hey dweeb” you pop a quick kiss on his cheek but you’re not really paying attention because this drink is bOMB

“what are you drinking?”

“it’s a spicy blackberry margarita. did you wanna try- woah.” you choke on your drink when namjoon sits on the stool next to you and you get a really reALLy good chance to look at your boyfriend because sweetie this is not your boyfriend

he has his hair slicked back

he’s not wearing his glasses

he has two small silver hoops hanging from his ears

he’s wearing a plain white tee that is very veRy tight around his biceps and a pair of ripped skinny jeans anD a pair of timberlands

y/n.exe has stopped working

“-whaaaaaaauhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-“

whose mans is this

is this your mans???

this is your mans????

“aren’t you going to give me a proper kiss hello?” namjoon tilts his head and pouts

what the hell

what the hell?////???

“who are you and what did you do to namjoon?????” you manage to squeak out

he rolls his eyes playfully before leaning in and slotting his lips against yours

“cute outfit, by the way. a cardigan’s kinda dorky for a house party though, don’t you think?” he raises a brow and tugs you off your seat so you can stand in between his legs

“you’re calling me dorky??”

“i’m not the one wearing a cardigan at a party. have you never been to a party before?” namjoon slips his hands under the cardigan and rests his hands on your hips and gives you a little squeeze

“excuse-“

“y/n! hey, girl!” you feel a little piece of your soul die when you hear that familiar pitchy voice

you spin around in namjoon’s grip so that he’s hidden behind you

“wendy! …hey…” you clear your throat

you haven’t spoken to wendy or the others since the incident

just because they’re assholes and u don’t really,.,., like assholes??

“ugh, i’m so glad you made it! look, the girls and i just wanted to give you an apology.”

“well it’s not me you should be apologising to” you raise a brow

wendy scoffs playfully “well it’s not like kim namjoon would be at this party. you can just apologise to him for us or something!”

suddenly namjoon yanks you down so that you’re sitting on his leg

his arm slithers around your waist and your arm hangs loosely around his neck  

“wendy! so nice to see you again!” before you get the chance to say anything namjoon offers the three girls a charming smile

.,,.,.god his teeth are literally perfect

wendy’s brows furrow in confusion

“see you agai- wait, namjoon?” she gawks and you feel a twinge of anger when her eyes graze him from his head to his toes

lisa and jisoo exchange glances before murmuring things to each other

you catch a glimpse of lisa staring at namjoon as if he were a piece of mEat

the AUDACITY of these girls

she takes her bottom lip in between her teeth before her right eye drops in a wink

namjoon sighs

“you alright, lisa? is there something in your eye? you’re blinking weird. and jisoo - i see a widdle piece of lettuce in your teeth.”

the two girls’ faces flush bright red and you press your lips together to keep yourself from laughing

wendy shakes her head “you- wow, you clean up nice…”

“wish i could say the same for you.” he pouts and reaches out to pinch her cheek “you’re looking a little red… maybe the stick up your ass is causing tension?” he suggests and props his chin up on your shoulder

woW

breaking news: wendy has just been COMPleteLY obliterated

“wow… whatever.”

you remain silent as the three girls immediately whiP around and head in the other direction

“…do you think i should go and apologise?” namjoon suggests sheepishly and you turn to look at him

“if anything i think you should’ve taken it farther”

“and this is why i like u”

“i know” you raise your fist and namjoon laughs before bumping his fist against yours “now, c’mon - let’s get you a spicy blackberry margarita”

okay

so

about two hours have passed

you and joon have been hanging out at the bar mostly

jimin keeps testing new drinks on the two of you

both of you have an ample amount of alcohol flowing through your veins

and now you’re on the couch because the bar was getting too busy

and uh

you’ve always been a affectionate!drunk and namjoon is now realising this

“what’s gotten into you?” namjoon laughs after you rub your nose against his before pulling away to give him a lil kith

“just loving on my boyfrienD” you giggle and wrap his arm around your shoulder before nuzzling against him

in the background you hear the commotion of people getting excited because jungkook’s gone and volunteered himself for body shots

you very faintly see min yoongi and the random thought of that water girl job pops into your head

namjoon takes the red plastic cup away from you “mhm, i think that’s enough for you, missy”

“namjOoooOn” you immediately make grabby hands for your cup and namjoon holds it away from you so that you can’t reach it

you’re practically stretched out on his lap trying to grab it

you huff and roll your eyes “well noW what am i going to do to pass the time”

spoiler alert: u somehow persuade joon into a make-out session on the couch (it was pretty easy and u had good points “everyone’s over in the kitchen doing body shots and also u look super hot tonight”)

you pull away from namjoon and take your bottom lip in between your teeth “…you wanna get outta here?”

“you need to learn how to be more patient” namjoon laughs when you squirm your way in between him and his front door

it’s hard to unlock the door when you’re pressing kisses to his neck aNd tugging at his shirt at the same time

“you need to learn how to find your damn keyS” you groan and tug at his belt

the moment namjoon unlocks the door he pushes you in and the keys clatter to the ground

“now look who needs to learn how to be patient” you squeal when he lifts you up in one swift movement and wraps your legs around his waist

“it’s still you” namjoon murmurs against your mouth and you bite down on his lip in retaliation

he grins and squeezes the underside of your thigh causing you to giggle

“stoP i’m ticklish there” you murmur and namjoon raises a brow

you pull away and jab a finger into his chest “don’t even thiNK about it”

“i have no idea what you’re talking about” namjoon shrugs innocently as he begins the small trek to the bedroom

you don’t know how he hasn’t dropped you yet

like ya you knew he was strong but you didn’t know he was thiS strong

your fingers wrap around his bicep and you give a testing squeeze and you feel a ziP of heat down there when he flexes underneath your fingers

o fuk

you fall onto the mattress and it bounces under your weight and the next thing you know namjoon is hovering over you

“c’mere, you” namjoon breathes out and leans down to press his plump lips against yours

he grunts when you roll your hips against his and let out a whimper

frick

he wants to hear you make more noises for him  

“wait wait wait” you breathe out and pull away from joon

“what’s wrong?” namjoon sits up immediately

what did he do???? o god

he fucked up what did he DO

you reach over to the bedside table and namjoon’s like ??

namjoon blinks quickly as you slip his glasses onto his face

“as much as i liked bad boy namjoon i miss my bookworm”

“do you find visual impairment sexy?” namjoon adjusts his glasses and crinkles his nose

adoraBLE

you giggle and lean in to kiss him again

namjoon jumps when he feels your hands tugging at his belt and he immediately reaches down and wraps his fingers around your wrist

“what are you doing?” he breathes out and you move down and start pressing kisses to his neck

“taking your pants off”

well like

he knOWs what you’re doing he just

he doesn’t want to like,, pressure you into doing stuff because he rly likes u and u guys haven’t been together for thAt long

“we don’t have to-“

“why? are you a virgin?” you tease and namjoon scowls playfully as you continue to undo his belt “because i can be gentle with you!”

okay

he doesn’t like this game

“maybe we should get some chocolate covered strawberries and champagne?”

you continue your little jokes even as namjoon pushes you down gently on the bed

your head flops against the pillows

“you want me to light some candles?” you giggle when namjoon gives the side of your bum a smack after peeling your leggings off and tossing them aside

“oh yeah, i love candles. i especially love those vanilla scented ones.” namjoon tilts his head before peeling his shirt off and tossing it aside

you pause in your teasing for a second to admire joon’s sun-kissed tanned god-like skin

you want to take a bite out of his biceps

“maybe we can take a bubble bath or something? to ease your nerves” you coo and poke his nose when he slots himself in between your legs and leans down with his hands on either side of your head

“that does sound nice. i’m trembling with nerves, after all” namjoon sighs and buries his face into the crook of your neck and starts pressing kisses to your skin

“don’t worry - i’ll be gentle with you” you mutter and namjoon snorts before biting down on your shoulder playfully  

oh god

you’re on cloud nine right now

“oh, namjoon,” you gasp and dig your nails into the nape of his neck

your back arches against his chest when he thrusts into you again

your toes curl into the mattress

you’ve never had sex like this before

it’s a slow slow burn and you can already tell that this is the best orgasm you’re ever going to have

“you feel so good” namjoon moans lowly and his raspy voice “s-so warm n tight and you’re all mine- nngh- fuck,”

“oh my god namjoon”  you whimper breathily and your finger dig into his back

namjoon brushes his lips over yours in an almost kiss as he struggles to breathe because you feel so good around him

your vocabulary is very limited at the moment just because your mind is clouded with lust and you can’t focus on anything besides namjoon namjoon namjoon

“good?” namjoon leans down and presses his forehead against yours before his hand is slithering in between your legs

“good, s-so good,” you whine and arch your back against him

he keeps at a steady pace and continues to build up the pleasure and the tingling sensation and your toes curl into the mattress

“nam-namjoon- i-i’m-“ you choke over your words as you finally fall apart beneath him his eyes are hazy with pleasure and his pupils are so dilated that they’ve basically swallowed all colour in his eyes

“i’ve got you, you’re okay,” namjoon murmurs as he starts planting soft kisses along your jawline and then down your neck

the next thing you know you’re seeing stars and you’ve officially been reduced to a trembling whimpering mess

namjoon manages four and a half more thrusts before he’s letting out a groan as his orgasm slams into him suddenly

he gives you one last kiss before rolling off of you

you immediately cuddle up to his chest and the two of you share a moment of silence where you’re just processing what the heck just happened

“…not bad for a virgin, eh?” namjoon grins and you snort against his chest before whacking his arm gently

“c’mon, i think i promised you a bubble bath”

you love your handsome boyfriend

but those thick square frames of his makes him look like such a dork (which makes you love him even more)

sometimes he leaves them on the counter because he says wearing them too much gives him migraines

and you like to take advantage of the situation

“i’m namjoon and i can’t walk five steps without tripping over my feet!” you imitate namjoon and the boys burst out into laughter and you can’t help but feel a sense of pride not only because you know your impression is spot on but it’s also funny as hell

“i’m namjoon and i keep stale candies in my pocket like a grandpa”

another round of laughter and you’re feeling good

“hey wait - where are you guys going??? i haven’t even gotten to the good ones ye-“

you jump when you feel an arm slither around your waist and suddenly you’re being pulled into a hard chest

“i’m namjoon and you’re in big trouble when we get off from work today”

boyfriends usually find it sexy when their girlfriends wear an article of their clothing

and sure you’ve stolen a couple of joonie’s tees and hoodies and he thinks you look adorable drowning in his clothes

but nothing gets him going more than seeing you wear his glasses

especially when you wear them while you’re riding him  

you know that saying

gentleman on the streets but freak in the sheets

namjoon is the epitome of that saying

“nNgh- na- namjoon! ah, joon, fuck-“ namjoon’s glasses slide down until they’re on the tip of your nose and namjoon groans at the sight

his fingers dig into the flesh of your hips and he bucks his hips making you cry out in pleasure

“fuck, look at you, falling apart on my cock - oh, you like it when i talk to you like this? naughty little girl” he reaches up to grasp your chin and presses his lips against yours

in conclusion: nothing gets him going more than seeing you wear his glasses

namjoon’s pretty proud of the fact that he gave you a new appreciation for books

because you’re reading a new book like eveRy week which is great

but now he’s starting to think that you might like books more than you like him

and he’s not typically the kind of person who whines because he thinks whining is annoying and won’t get you anywhere

but you are turning him into a whiney person because of your new infatuation with books

“joon, stop,” you scowl and push him away when he rests his head on your shoulder and starts reading along with you

you like to read alone and he knows that but he likes being near you!!!!!!! and you’ve been silent for like an hour!!!!!! and he misses your voice!!!!! so SUE HIM

“but you’ve been reading for an hour and i’m bored” namjoon pouts and slumps down on the desk

you look down at him and your heart flutters at how cute he looks with his pillowy lips in a pout and his cheek squished against the desk

“well let me finish reading a couple more chapt-“

“a couple more?!” namjoon squawks and gets the attention of some people sitting near the counter

“-and then i’m all yours! it’s just getting to the good part. i don’t bother you when you’re working!”

“because when i’m working, you’re working too! and you actually interAct with me when we work” namjoon grumbles and sits up before grabbing a random book and flipping through it angrily

“well i’m taking a break”

“yEAh like your fifth break in two hours”

“watch the attitude mister”

“u watch youR attitude” namjoon huffs before wheeling back to his side of the counter

he turns and gives you his best angry-looking face and you snort before putting your book down because he looks like an angry puppy

you wheel over to him and rest your cheek on his shoulder and namjoon shakes you off

“have i not been giving you enough attention, hm?” you coo and link your arm with his before grabbing his hand

namjoon doesn’t respond and continues to click on the laptop but he doesn’t let go of your hand

it’s time to pull out

the biG GUNS

you immediately smoosh your lips against his cheek and assault him with kisses and namjoon can’t help but break out into a giggle

this is all he needs to stay happy!!! just kiSs him a couple times a hour and he won’t be whiney anymore

it’s not that hARD TO DO

he reaches up to cup your face and leans in to give you a soft peck before pointing to the book that you abandoned for him

“go and finish reading… bOokworm”

namjoon typically is very gentle when it comes to pretty much everything

when he’s rebinding books he does it with such delicacy and precision so that a page is never out of place

when he’s dusting shelves his wrist flicks so subtlety as to not knock any books over

when he holds your hand he intertwines your fingers with his and it makes you feel soft and cozy on the inside

but the namjoon that is currently in between your legs is not the same namjoon

and you love it

you gasp as namjoon’s fingers dig into the meat of your inner thighs to keep you planted firmly against the bed as you try to buck your hips

“joon, i c-can’t-“ you whimper and squirm underneath him

“yes you can, i know you can,” namjoon purrs and presses a kiss to your inner thigh before leaning down and burying his face in between your legs

he’s already made you cum twice with his fingers alone and now he wants to make you cum with his mouth

“nO namjoon please-“ you mewl and bury your fingers in his hair before yanking “please i need you so bad”

as much as namjoon would like to spend the rest of the day with his face buried in between your legs he knows you’re not going to last much longer so he’ll show some mercy

also he’s like buSting out of his pants so he needs to relieve himself too

#selfcare2k19

namjoon sighs before pulling away and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand

he can’t help but smirk at the sight of you flopped on his bed with your hair in a halo around your head and your cheeks are flushed and your lips are swollen and your eyes are glassy

all because of him

“only because you’ve been such a good girl”

“i- oh!”

namjoon flips you over onto your stomach in one quick motion “and you’re going to continue being a good girl for me, aren’t you?”

you hear the gentle tinkering of his belt and the shuffling of his pants and you bite down on your bottom lip in anticipation

you nod quickly and prop yourself up onto your forearms

namjoon chuckles when you squirm and wiggle your bum against him “patience, jagi”

“i’ve been patient” you murmur into the crook of your elbow and namjoon smacks the side of your bum in warning

your eyes flicker up when you see namjoon’s hand reach out to grip onto the headboard

his other hand is on your hip and you freeze when you feel him easing himself in slowly

he starts off slow to let you adjust

but the moment you give him the green light

all hell breaks loose

namjoon begins fucking into you at a merciless pace and you can’t help but mewl and moan underneath him

you feel like your body isn’t even attached to your minD right now because you’ve never felt pleasure like this before

namjoon stays silent apart from his heavy breathing and the occasional grunt and if that’s not the sexiest sound in the entire world you don’t know what the hell is

“tell me who’s making you feel this good” namjoon growls into your ear and gives you a particularly hard thrust

“y-you, you are, i-i, oh god, namjoon-!“ you gasp and bury your head in the pillows

“up, baby” he warns you and wraps his arm under your stomach as he pulls you and straightens you out

your arms are shaking underneath you as you hold yourself up and namjoon leans down to press a kiss to the back of your neck

and then he’s placing his palm on the small of your back and continuing to push himself into you as deep as he possibly can

your orgasm practically obliterates your body when it finally comes

spots dot your vision and your fingers dig into the mattress and namjoon’s name continues to slip past your lips over and over again

you spasm uncontrollably around namjoon and that triggers his own orgasm because hoLy fuck you’re so warm and tight and-

namjoon pulls out and you feel splatters on the swell of your ass and you hear him groaning lowly as he finally relieves himself

you have no idea what’s happening

all you hear is white noise

all you feel are tingles up and down your spine

“you did such a good job, baby” you weren’t even aware that namjoon left to go to the washroom and now he’s cleaning you up with a warm rag “such a good girl for me” he coos and presses a kiss to your shoulder before he flips you over gently so that you’re on your back

he leans down to give you a sweet peck before nudging his nose against yours

honestly.,,.,. get u a man who can do both

“y/n!”

you look up from your phone and namjoon’s holding up the cataloguing notebook with a raised brow

“purple glitter pen??? seriously??” he says in a verY unimpressed manner

your eyes flicker over to the sheet before you look back at your frustrated boyfriend

“…you said you didn’t want me to use pink so i used purple”

namjoon suppresses a groan and pinches the bridge of his nose

some things never change

#my hands are sweaty #i don't know why i'm nervous to post this lol #show joonie some love! #librarian!namjoon #kim namjoon #namjoon fics #namjoon fic recs #namjoon smut #namjoon smut recs #namjoon fluff #namjoon fluff recs #namjoon cute #namjoon bts #bts #bts smut #bts fics #bts smut recs #bts fic recs #bts cute #bts fluff #bts fluff recs #jungkook #jimin #taehyung #seokjin #jin #hoseok #j-hope #yoongi #suga

[dnpsuck]

once you get around to listening to lover what did you think !!! im v curious on your opinions about it heh

thank u for wanting my opinion. i thought i was gonna make it a brief review thingy but i cannot be brief for the life of me. i’m sorry. anyway,

i’mthankful it’s a long album because based on me! i knew i’d like it. not thatme! is a masterpiece or anything but it’s brighter and more fun than herprevious era which i Did Not like. i know reputation is, taylor swift history-wise, important. it’san album she did no press for and allowed the songs speak for themselves and i really like this idea and the sentiment behind it, i’m just Not A Fan of the execution. edgy taylor swift doesn’twork for me. don’t blame me slaps tho. i’ll probably compare these songs to alot of reputation, sorry.

anyway. loveris a more colorful album and probably my favorite pop album from ms. swift, i’m not good at like. Grading things so i won’t be like ‘this is a 8.5 kind of album’ cause like. i don’t know numbers? what you need to know is that it’s a good album. let’s gowith the tracks:

may i add that this is not coming from a taylor swift fan, however i have several friends who are into taylor swift so it’s hard not to get the slightest 2nd hand interest. 

i forgot that you existed: was excited as soon as it started! theproduction is lighter and less dramatic. i feel like contrary to reputationwhere she was kind of obsessed with the people who hurt her and betrayed her inthe previous years, this song is a nice way of letting go. a nicer, yet stillkind of shady, revenge by being like. Oh. You Mean Nothing To Me Anymore.

fave lyrics: “it isn’t love, it isn’thate, it’s just indifference so.. yeah.”

 cruel summer: the chorus…. amazing! i remember reallydisliking her reputation singles, especially “ready for it” because it was veryunnecessarily dark and, again – in my opinion – dark and edgy doesn’t work fortaylor swift.  BUT, rfi had that chorusthat escaped the intense beats and kind of went back a little to her 1989 eraand it’s the one thing from the song that i actually tolerated. and i feel likeall of cruel summer is song that fits the melody of the rfi chorus better thanrfi itself. does that make sense?

fave lyrics:the entire bridge but especially: “i don’twanna keep secrets just to keep you” and “i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?”

lover: 11/10. fucked me the fuck up. it’s a song aboutlove that isn’t a still-too-fresh-and-uncertain love, or some angsty love. it’sjust love. she’s properly in love and is singing about it with somuch care and certainty. it’s a happy song about the one she loves and how could i hate it? bestsong in the entire album. probably my 2nd fave taylor swift song ofall time

favelyrics: “with every guitar string scar onmy hand” so much is being said in this one fucking line. i absolutelyfucking love it. the fact that this song was 100% written by her is a big plus.

the man: honestly was kinda stressed about the kind of discoursethis one could cause, especially cause of the lack of addressing the whitenessof it all but idk. this is her ownexperience so how much can we ask from her? and also in many ways this feels like 5years late but i’m not gonna complain about this. better late than never (andshe has addressed sexism in her songs before so it’s not like she’s just starting at feminism). she’s made severalpoints w this one and it sounds good. 

favelyrics: the part where she’s like “what if i was bragging about the models i’mfucking?” cause like. girl is aware of aspecific group in her fandom and i appreciate the little nod (it being real ornot)

archer: love the lyrics. this was like. the 3rdsong from this album that she released and i was So Relieved to actually SEEsongwriter taylor swift coming through. it’s a great song about self hatred andreflection, etc. but i’ve listened to it enough times to know i’m gonna be skippingthis one when i’m listening to this album. 

favelyrics: “screaming ‘who could ever leaveme darling?’ but who could stay?”

 i think he knows: the chorus and her vocals… *chef’s kiss*. loveit. cute crush song. more mature yet fun style that works for her. 

fave lyrics:all of the chorus.

miss americana: i get it, i see the politics of it all but. i’mgonna skip it. soz 

favelyrics: “my team is losing, battered andbruising i see the high fives between the bad guys”

 paper rings: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS. again, pure,happy, bubbly, unashamed love. a love bop that i adore. 

fave lyrics:“i like shiny things but i’d marry youwith paper rings / i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this”

corneliastreet: it’s a nostalgic song that i can’t decide if it’s exactly abreak-up song or not. i like to think the “sacrednew beginning / that became my religion” lyrics are a nod to her bestreputation song aka don’t blame me. i’m so-so on this one but it’s definitely notbad, don’t think i’ll be skipping it for now. 

favelyrics: “that’s the kinda heartbreak timecould never mend / (…) and baby i get mystified by how this city scream yourname”

 death by a thousand cuts: eh? it’s nice and soft and sad-ish but. idk.not right now - since the album is still pretty fresh to me - but i’ll probablystart skipping this one eventually. 

favelyrics: “you said it was a great love,one for the ages / but if the story’s over why am I still writing pages?”

 bondon boy: i am so sorry for every londoner that had tolisten to this one. i could hear it being offensive as soon as she startedsaying those words. it sounds nice and fun but jesus christ taylor. it’s likesomeone from her label said “you gottamake it clear you’re fucking that joe dude or your album won’t sell” andtaylor immediately googled ‘british slang’ and wrote this song. 

fave lyrics:“but something happened i heard himlaughing / i saw the dimples first and then i heard the accent” i’m asimple phannie. i hear the word dimples i think of dan

soon you’ll get better: bro. was not ready. you can hear thepain and fear in her voice. the chorus kind of reminds me of “never grow up”(aka my fave taylor swift song), etc. the sad, almost hopeless addition of “cause you have to” is so heartbreaking. it’sa personal and gorgeous yet sad song, and she goes back to her country roots for this one,so that’s nice. absolutely beautiful. 

fave lyrics:hard to choose but “you like the nicernurses you make the best of a bad deal / i just pretend it isn’t real / i’llpaint the kitchen neon, i’ll brighten up the sky / i know i’ll never get itthere’s not a day that i won’t try” i hate, hate, the notion ofromanticizing a sad and scary situation like this one, and i think i understandthis as less of romanticizing and more of sympathizing with, cause i’ve alsobee in this situation with my family – but because it was just a few days agothat phil revealed his father’s battle with cancer, i couldn’t help but thinkof him too and how much he must have feared for his dad while still trying to keep it together for everyone around him.

false god: love the sax. i know i will fully love thissong at some point. i know it. i’m just not there yet. i like the parts when she has torush her words. i’ll get there with this one. 

favelyrics: “they all warned us about timeslike this / they say the road gets hard and you get lost”

 you need to calm down: fun, boppy, cute. i get what shewas going for and appreciate it. it’s a more carefree pop song and i’m okaywith it. not unskippable though. 

fave lyrics:“and i ain’t tryna mess with your self expressionbut i’ve learned a lesson that stressing and obsessing bout somebody else is nofun”

 afterglow: i don’t know yet. probably one i’ll skip. notbad, i don’t think there’s a song in this album that is necessarily Bad, butthis one is just not really memorable. 

fave lyrics:don’t have one actually. soz

me!: definitely not a masterpiece BUT introduced usto this era which is probably her best pop era. i loved the absolute changefrom the reputation era, bringing back colors, bringing back fun, introducing amore politically active taylor swift, etc. i also like the idea that she knowsthat this is not her best work but she knew that if she was gonna make a catchyradio friendly pop song, she’d make one that’s about self love, etc. 

fave lyrics: i’m a simple girl, “me e e e, o o o oh”

 it’s nice to have a friend: this folk-y vibe? works? is thisfolk? sorry if im being dumb. but it has a lonely vibe, it’s kind of really sadin a way, but it’s lovely at the same time. 

fave lyrics:“something gave you the nerve / to touchmy hand”

 daylight: a song about letting go and forgiving herselffor her past mistakes and learning to focus on the good parts of her life, morespecifically her lover. like new year’s eve was to reputation, this is a nicesong to wrap this album. 

fave lyrics:“you are what you love”

#oof #done #lola.ask #Anonymous

[laylabahiti]

HSHQTASK005: A REFLECTION 

i originally posted this task in march 2017, so almost 3 years ago (wow). i already regret looking at this old one lmao

001. name / age / pronouns

2017: xee / twenty / she, her 2020: xee / twenty-three / she, her — fun fact, mine and evy’s bdays are 2 days apart #taurussquad

002. which character(s) do you play?

2017: my complicated af beaN layla. idek what’s going on with her at this point. 2020: i’m screaming i can’t believe i thought 2017 layla was complicated. i had no idea what was to come. i picked up biel not long after that. also had katalina aka brucey’s wifey n i miss her. juliana is a fairly recent addition and, i’m about to spill the beans, a glücksburg is coming.

003. nationality / ethnicity / timezone

2017: american / lots of white european and the other half o’ me is ashkenazi jewish / right now i’m back and forth between pst and mst. homeland is mst though. 2020: obvs nothing has changed except no more back and forth with timezones. strictly mst now.

004. tell us a bit about your  home state.

2017: it’s the first day of spring and we almost reached 100 degrees F :’) we don’t really have autumn or spring here tho. it’s either hot as balls summer or frozen. no in between. like, as soon as temps get below 70 F people break out their jackets. 2020: welcome to the desert, “it’s a dry heat”

005.  favourite color / fruit / season

2017: green / honeydew melon / spring 2020: still green and all its shades / tbh idk how i chose a fave fruit bc i raaarely eat it but bananas and watermelon too / “spring”

006. favourite books + writer whose writing style you admire the most

2017: this isn’t a fair question smh. i have too many titles and names going through my head at once to answer this. 2020: still no fave so i’m just gonna answer this with what i’m currently reading. it’s called suffer strong and it popped up on my insta feed last week (big brother is listening and they know i’m a stressed mf) cheese moment: i admire all ur writing styles :~)

007. what kinda music do you listen to + any fave bands / musicians

2017: listen to a lil bit of everything. these ‘favorite’ questions are difficult for me to answer 2020: same answer tho i grew up listening to the eagles so they hold a special place in my heart n soul. i get to go see them in a couple months (hopefully w my dad) and i’m v excited

008. what are you doing for a living / what are you studying?

2017: lmAO well rn i work in the kitchen of a gas station (sah classy). 2020: went from working in the store to working in corporate *finger guns* apparently i never said what i was studying but i was still in school then. justice studies with a minor in military leadership and certifications in human rights and socio-legal studies. then i studied astrophysics with minors in cyber intel + security and math for a semester, but i didn’t want any more debt ajskdf

009. what’s your dream occupation?

2017: IDK but it has to involve happiness and a nice salary. i have to feed my zoo somehow. 2020: what r dreams lmao

010. relationship status

2017: single then. single now. single forever. 2020: every time i think about putting myself out there, something happens. i don’t have time to date atm

011. coffee, tea or hot chocolate?

2017: it depends on the weather. if it’s cold i’ll have hot chocolate. i usually drink tea at meals whenever though. 2020: i blame my work for all the coffee i drink now, but still all of the above. 

012. dream holiday destination?

2017: santorini 2020: honestmeme....where the hell did i pull santorini from. idk i was supposed to go to iceland for study abroad last year but yknow i withdrew from the university. i still wanna go tho

013. the thing you’re most proud about yourself

2017: not afraid to stand up for myself + others 2020: young me made it sound noble but honestly i’ll put ppl in their place, i don’t have patience anymore jakdas. but tbh right now i guess it’s my perseverance? life has been shitty for a few months but u gotta keep on truckin’

014. tell us a bit about your family!

2017: goD they’re nuts. i’m the middle child out of all my siblings but the youngest on my dad’s side. large age gaps are common, like half my sisters are old enough to be my mom. lots of grand babies and great grand babies. when we’re all together (like this past weekend) it’s ….wild. communication is v poor too. i only have one brother out of my eight siblings, and all those siblings are only half-related to me. at 5′5 i’m one of the tallest in the fam which says a lot. 2020: they’re still nuts n i don’t speak to my mother anymore. i should probs add that my parents have been divorced since i was a few months old so she hasn’t been in the pic for a while. even when she had custody of me jaksldf find me ron howard i’ll give him the rights to my life story

015. how long have you known your closest friend?

2017: three years. 2020: we’re going on 6 years jaksdf i’ll be maid of honor in her wedding this year. i also have another friend that i failed to mention last time but we’ve been close for 9 years (jfc)

016. superpower you’d like to have?

2017: invisibility 2020: mind reading so i know who’s Fake jaklsdjf

017. celebrity you’d like to meet?

2017: john stamos ?? idk i never really thought about it. i’ve met michael phelps though!! 2020: ig i’ll stick with stamos?? ooh or steve carrell or jennifer aniston. 

018. guilty pleasures

2017: chocolate and french fries. i love love love french fries. 2020: now my guilty pleasure is dr. pepper bc i cut it out of my diet.

019. pet peeves

2017: mouth noises (misophonia). people talking over each other and not listeninG. lowkey people leaving the toilet seat up or leaving toilet paper in the toilet like…just flush again. 2020: i really went off on tp huh?? another pet peeve is people committing to something then backing out/flaking without a heads up

020. do you have any hobbies?

2017: sports !!! i’m a grade a heaux for sports. tennis, archery, golf. anything that doesn’t require lots of muscle ya feel. one of my ~hobbies~ i guess is organizing things. i have multiple planners and use them all daily. 2020: i miss how sporty n active i was jkasdf this is my hobby.

021. where would you like to live in the future?

2017: i would looooooove to live in san diego but i’ll probs be stuck in the desert drylands. 2020: tbh i was looking into memphis homes bc it’s cheap compared to here but i don’t really care where i end up. just want a place of my own yknow

022. tell us a story about a thing that recently happened to you! it can be a funny, scary, sad story, your pick!

2017: redacted bc it was college angst lmao and not pretty 2020: i found out this morning that my cell phone # is somehow linked to some random guy a few miles away and idk how to fix it online. got some texts today and yesterday this one guy called me 6 times back to back while i was on the phone with someone else. i guess that’s another pet peeve of mine, pls leave a message if it’s important jaklsdf

#hshqtask005 #really had to go back n look at 20 year old me #who tf was i #how did u tolerate me

[thedeepdarktrashpile]

Ryden conspiracy theories/evidence/pls just be frens now...+ a short history of P!atd...(part 1)

DISCLAIMER I find all of this stuff on the internet so idk if it's yours just tell me and I will make sure you get credited anyways onwards...

Oh and another thing I don't hate Sarah. Sarah is a queen and Brendon and her are happy and I wouldn't want to ruin a happy couple cos that would be unfair anyhow oh and I also think it's important to have a bit of Panic! history that many people might not know about as it gives you an idea of the kind of time frame that im talking about also its intresting too.

And if u don't know what Ryden is (tbf idk why ur here but this will educate u) it's basically the ship name of Ryan Ross (ex guitarist and backing vocalist of panic!) and Brendon Urie (singer and last man standing)

Pre-Panic

Ryan Ross and Spencer Smith (ex-drummer of Panic!) have been friends even since they were little the photo below would prove this

They're so adorable 😊😊

In 9th grade they decide that they want to start up a band btw for reference Ryan and Spencer at that time attend (Bishop Gorman high school) and they invite Brent Wilson from Palo Verde high school to come and try out for bass along with another guy called Trevor they formed a band called Pet Salamnder this was when they were around 16 ish (They acctually still have a website for the band and you can go check it out if you want)

There some of the pics on the website but check out their bios as well because they made me laugh....

Here are some of their pics tho

Spencer and Ryan and the whole band together (Ryan😂😂)

Anyways don't really know what happened to Pet Salamander but in short they kind of lost Trevor (don't know correct me if im wrong but I think Trevor was the guitarist in the way things worked out it would make sense and I think there was another band they created in between these 2 bands but idk its not important) The band now needed a new guitarist. Brent who went to the same high school as Brendon told him he should audition for their band so Brendon did just that and became the guitarist. Orginally Ryan was meant to be the lead singer but Brendon then became the lead singer because they heard him do his singing and they though he was good. At the time especially Ryan and Brendon were having a hard time with their families and their education as they wanted to quit high school and as a result I think they both got kicked out of their houses . Brendon got a job at a smoothie shack to try and earn some money to pay for rent. He also would sing to people for tips. In other words they were hella broke.

Here is a screenshot from Ryan's livejournal (which he has now deleted) where Brendon would post underneath

I love ya' baby! wednesday. practice. be there of be....GAY!!

Brendon 😂😂

Anyways Ryan and Brendon started creating the demos for their album and Ryan decided to send them to Pete Wentz who was in the LV area recording under the cork tree with FOB. Pete listened to the demos and signed them up to his new record label decaydance after hearing them perform 2/3 songs.

I'm gonna leave you with some 2004 recording sessions this is filmed on a potato but is somehow high quality content of Ryan doing a this is our apartment tour its great

So yeah that's cool and also hilarious in it's own ways (gay bars!! 😂😂)

AFYCSO era 2005/6

AFYCSO was released on the 27th September 2005 on that same day Ryan posted something in his livejournal (I'm not sure if it was just something to commemorate it being released or if he was acctually in a relationship at this time but here is what he put)

'Whisper babe...i'm as good as it gets in this town.whisper babe..i'm a fever you can't sweat out.These are my deepest thoughts and secrets under a microscope or spotlight.Forgive me if i'm not quite ready to give them to you.it's such a different feeling..when I see you smiling and singing back to me i'm still playing different pictures in my head that arn't so pleasent. I'm doing the best now to live in the song and not just the meaning.'

(Yes this could be about Brendon but when you read it again it dosen't sound like that at all it seems as if hes talking about the lyrics and the meanings of the songs of which have things he had to deal with in his childhood his dad being an alcoholic ect. But he tries to be happy with the fans who are smiling and singing and live in the moment not just the past)

Obviously AFYCSO became popular especially the song I write sins not tragedies came out but there's many different interviews and pic that i'm going to share below.

This is the one where Ryan says that Brendon washes his hair and he blushes red. It's adorable 😊

Here is another 2005 interview by the same girl who thought Pete was called Jason 😂 but anyways it's old like just look at Ryan's hair he's in his troll phase still 😂

This is another old interview that shows them acctually performing and only contain Brendon and Ryan talking about the band they're so awkward its adorable.

And here's a pic of them from a photoshoot

Idk but Brent looks so confused rn 😂

(Look at Brendon as well staring at Ryan...hmm..😉)

And here's an adorable pic of them together my bbs 😊❤

Look at them they're soo adorable ❤❤👌😊

Anyways 2006 is when it all became big for the boys who announced a tour and where becoming bigger than ever. At the end of 2005 to 2006 both Brendon and Ryan began dating scene queens Audrey and Jac. Pics below

Yup this is them together.

Idk when they breakup but they break up and some evidence that I've found online is very interesting.

Here is screenshots of chats that Audrey and Jac had online. The first picture shows that Jac is blaming Brendon for turning her bf (Ryan) gay

The next one shows kinda the same thing exept this time Audrey blamed Ryan for turning Brendon gay

Hmmmm... All very interesting I think....

(Note there's another conversation or so that I want to include in part one but it's way too long to put on this one post so i'm going to do a little post to finish off part 1. And also i'm obviously going to work on part 2 straight away but I just feel like the whole panic! and especially Ryden stuff needs to be updated abd i also find it super interesting as well. Also I feel I need to adress all the lyrics that could somehow lead to something to do with one another there's so much stuff out here and I need it all in one place cos im fed up of trawling the internet for all the theories and stuff never getting anywhere 😂)

#emo trash #emo #p!atd #panic! at the disco #brendon urie #ryan ross #ryden was real #ryden #spencer smith #brent wilson #pete wentz #afycso #a fever you can't sweat out #2004 #2005 #2006

[sarohara]

You both like Friends.

Stranger: 1

You: 2

Stranger: 3

You: 4

Stranger: 5

You: what is that

You: hahaha

You: 6

Stranger: 7

You: 8

Stranger: I don't know

Stranger: 9

You: I don't either

You: 10

Stranger: Damn u lost

Stranger: U got 2 numbers

You: No I didn't!!!

Stranger: Yeah u did!

You: ohhhhhhhh

Stranger: You just a sore loser

You: Shut up darling

Stranger: Damnnn we are moving fast honey

You: We are? No idea what you're talking about, hun

Stranger: Hmmm maybe I'm crazy suger

You: Yes you are

Stranger: Yeah probably I did say to people that I shat my pants for like a couple minutes ago

You: Hahahahahahaha

You: what did they say?

Stranger: Well nothing much most skiped and some did say great or why

You: Hahahah I mean...lmao there isn't really much to say

Stranger: True true

Stranger: Tho it would spice up the conversation

Stranger: Can't be bothered to say hi all the time

Stranger: It's boring

You: I mean, if you're on omegle it's because you're bored so it makes sense that is boring duh

Stranger: Yeah true true

Stranger: I have heard boring to many times now that it's starting to get annoying when I see the word boring

You: Yeah right? So boring!!!

Stranger: Haha I see what you did there 🥲

You: Hahahah did you?

Stranger: Yupp

Stranger: Soo where u from

You: Brazil, you?

Stranger: Sweden

You: that's pretty cool

You: and what's ur name again?

Stranger: Brazil is much cooler tho

You: I mean, not again

Stranger: My name is Eddy and you?

You: I don't think so, hun

You: Eddy, it sounds like a nickname actually

You: Like Ed

Stranger: It is actually

You: Sheeran

You: Oh yea?

Stranger: Yea

Stranger: My real name is tooo weird and hard to pronounce

You: Tell me

Stranger: Whats your name

You: Sarah!

Stranger: Nice too meet you Sarah!

Stranger: Well my real name is Erdijan

You: Nice to meet u too!

Stranger: Bet you can't pronounce it

You: Oh shoot.

You: Erdijan

Stranger: Hint the E is silent

You: That's...hard

Stranger: Yup that's why I say my name is Eddy

You: well Erdijan is a nice name tho

You: Exotic I guess?

Stranger: Thank you 😊

Stranger: Haha yeah 🤣 it is

You: Np :)

You: Hahaha I can tell!

Stranger: So Sarah how old are you

You: Take a guess, Eddy

Stranger: Hmmmm 17

You: Closeee

Stranger: 18

You: 16

Stranger: Whaaattt no wayyy

You: 17 in two months

Stranger: Same here

You: Ohh that's dope!!

Stranger: Oh wow happy early birthday

You: hahahah thank you!!!!

Stranger: My birthday is like in 4 mounts I think

You: Hmmm november?

Stranger: Close but its October

You: You mean three months hahah

Stranger: Oh shit

You: Where's your math bro

You: hahahah jk!!

Stranger: I actually don't know

Stranger: I suck at math but I still got a D

Stranger: I gotta thank my teacher who helped me cheat

You: What does a D mean tho?

You: Hahaha you had such a cool teacher huh

Stranger: It's the grade we got on here so it's like F E D C B A so on

Stranger: F is the worst and A is the best

You: Ohhh I see!!!

You: we got like 7 8 9 10

Stranger: Hahah nahhh she used to scream at me at first because I sucked at math so much

You: Numbers, not letters

Stranger: Oh wow really

Stranger: I never knew that

Stranger: I thought everyone had like F - A

You: I thought everyone had like 7-10

You: ahahahhah

Stranger: Hahah then we both are wrong

You: Yess!!

Stranger: Soo what are your hobbies Sarah

You: Dancing

You: Writing

Stranger: Oh really

You: Napping

You: Eating

Stranger: I gotta learn how to dance

You: well I can help you sometime hahaha

Stranger: Hahha maybe one day

You: Yea lmao

You: What are your hobbies?

Stranger: Breathing and just trying to stay alive at this point

You: don't tell me you're depressed

Stranger: Nah I like to work out little bit and just chill

Stranger: Nahhh

Stranger: I'm not

You: Oh! good!!

You: You like to work out???

Stranger: Yeah like going to the gym and so on

You: I've never heard anyone say that they like to work out

Stranger: Tho I have only been going to the gym now 1 month I think

You: Trying to get fit?

Stranger: Yeah well I didn't like it in the beginning until my friend forced me to work out with him

Stranger: Yupp

You: He forced you? That's how you know he's a real one

You: Hahahahaha

Stranger: My friend is always calling me when im going to sleep somehow its like he knows what I'm doing

Stranger: Hahah definitely

Stranger: Now its me that is calling him to go work out

You: Hahahah the tables have turned!

Stranger: Hahaha for sure 🤣

You: 🤣

Stranger: Dude is always saying to me if you don't come today u got to do more the next day

Stranger: He's a real one

You: Hahahahahaha I wish I had that kind of friends

Stranger: Hahaha yeah those people are the greatest

You: I bet, dude

You: 🤣

Stranger: But ngl the dude is damn jacked up

Stranger: I knew this dude for 6 years and I didn't see him for a couple months

Stranger: Dude got so big I didn't know it was him

You: Oh wow!!!

Stranger: Soo what about you do you some friends like that

You: My friends are as lazy as me

You: So...no

Stranger: Hahah well thats still good

Stranger: It's fun to be lazy as long as you guys hang out

You: We don't really..anymore

Stranger: Oh damn for real what happened

You: I mean we do, but not as much as we used to, ya know?

You: Like covid stuff, it's still kinda tough in Brazil

You: and most of them started to work so...

You: They're becoming adults haha

Stranger: Oh wow already

Stranger: Well time is changing but don't worry tho ones corona is gone I bet you will get friends and start to hang out with then

Stranger: Them

Stranger: Same here for me too cause all my friends are now changing school because we are starting college

You: Hopefully!!

You: Starting college at 16??

Stranger: Yupp

Stranger: We got a different school system

You: That's impressive

Stranger: Highschool is like 7-9 graders they are like 14 to 16 years old

Stranger: Then we got to college

You: I'll be starting at like 17

You: Ohhh got it!

You: That's so cool

You: I wish

Stranger: Yeah its cool tho it sucks my friends I got to know these 3 years are going to different schools and so on

Stranger: But im lucky tho cause I got like 5 friends

Stranger: So we will probably meet again

You: Oh yeah I feel ya

You: 5 friends, that's a lot I would say haha

Stranger: Haha are you sure about that 😅

Stranger: Well I wasn't that popular or had many friends in school so I'm glad I finally left that school

Stranger: There was annoying people there

You: I mean, that's a lot if they're like..real ones you know? It's a good amount

Stranger: True true

You: Yeah annoying people, that's life

Stranger: One of my "Friends" almoste stole my jacket from me in our first year

Stranger: Friend

You: Hahahahaha I don't blame them

Stranger: Hahaha well it's alright I forgave him

You: I mean my friends used to do that a lot but like..it wasn't really stealing you know

Stranger: When my big brother found out oh boy he was mad as hell and called that dude and terrorized him

You: omg whyyyy

Stranger: Well this dude was stealing from me

Stranger: He didn't even say nothing to ne

Stranger: Me

You: I mean..he was your friend

You: Couldn't you just ask him to give it back to you?

Stranger: Dude put my jacket in his backpack and acted like he was trying to help me find it

Stranger: Nope

You: Oh no!!1

You: He wasn't a real one

Stranger: Yup that's why I said "friend"

Stranger: I had to last out with him for 3 years straight

You: oh ya you did haha

You: Dang

Stranger: Dude was always talking about girls and so on

Stranger: Nothing else just girls

You: Did you get your jacket back tho?

Stranger: Yep

You: Oh that's annoying

You: Like only talk about girls and guys

Stranger: Funny thing is he came to my home and tried to return it tho I wasn't at home when my mom found out ufff she was screaming at him

Stranger: Dude got scared by my mom

Stranger: Yeah too anyoning

You: Dang...

You: kinda embarrassing

Stranger: Dude didn't stop we always said talk about something else

Stranger: Yeah

You: Ugh If I were you I would probably just ignore him

You: or something

You: and Eddy

Stranger: Well I did try

Stranger: Didn't work

Stranger: Yeah sarah

You: Do you have any social media?

You: Instagram..

Stranger: Yeah I got snap insta

Stranger: Yeah I do

Stranger: My insta is Dumbass_Eddy

You: Ohh Imma follow you there hold up

You: wait ahahahah

You: dumbass eddy? hahahahahah

You: that's funny

Stranger: Hahaha yeah

Stranger: Thanks

Stranger: Well I am a dumbass sometimes

You: I guess everybody

Stranger: True true

Stranger: Well Sarah add me on insta

Stranger: Because I got to go to sleep

Stranger: It's like 3am for me

You: ohh okay :) goodnight!!

Stranger: Good night Il talk to you tomorrow

You: Alright eddy :) see ya

Stranger: See yaaa

[opulvnts-blog]

the war is over ??  the day is Finally here ?? ( vine kid vc ) sup fuCKERS ! . im sahar, 20, est n’ i suck major ass tbh and i have nothin’ interesting to say abt myself except that i’ve eaten chocolate chip cookies three times in one week and i hope i choke one day , and i love everything about sad movies .  !!! god now since this rp is open ill die for ur mfing characters, fuck me up with them plots . plz like this and come and plot w me ,   u won’t regrat plotting wit me cuz i’ll show u a good time boo boos . ps . i wrote this at 4 am so y’all better tell me smth nice about kennedy or im fucking done . ily all .. 

shes a vegan. wont tell anyone bc she vv reserved . like if u asked how are u she will say smth like ‘ fuck ouuta here fucking fuckboi ‘ and like whenever u get her very pissed off she will say fuck in every single sentence . like ‘ yo dude what the fuck ?? what in the actual fuck are u fucking kidding fucking piece of shit oh my fucking gof fuck bitch” she’s not a bitch or anything she just … toO MUCH ! she also thinks of herself as superior . at times, she can even come across as sickly sweet or just kind in general . SHES incredibly wise and have good judgement when it comes to the people in their lives or the situation at hand. they may not necessarily be too book smart but it’s definitely balanced out by the extent of their street smart/wise. if she’s got an opinion, you can guarantee she’s going to voice it to the highest of volumes. it doesn’t matter whether you’ve known her for 10 years or are complete strangers on the street, she won’t hesitate to share her opinion on the matter. especially if she disagrees with yours. she’s assertive, awfully blunt and arrogant. 

HERE ARE SOME VINES THAT I ASSOCIATE WITH KENNEDY :  HERE  . HERE. HERE ANDHERE  

OK NOW OFF TO HER BIO !

her dad was a very quiet man who was soft and kind and just a goof and she was… the opposite. they got along great when she was a kid but as soon as her teenage years came she just turned into a rebellious ball of shit tbh. her dad could not handle her, even tho he tried his best. he wasn’t the yelling type at all and he’d try to make her realize she was a handful thru calm words but KENNEDY was just yolo. she wasn’t good in school. absolutely sucked at math and any science. didn’t kno the difference between geometry and algebra until 8th grade, thought she was doing the same shit. basically every science is the same. but !! she was v good in english class. like, that was her only good subject besides PE bc she was sporty as fuck and got way too intense about it also she was lowkey a bully but only bullied boys because she felt a strong need to make them suffer and she has a lot of good memories about it  jhdjsdns

 JHGDFGHSYCTG like deadass would beat guys up and be like cOME ON MY GRANDMA COULD FUCKNG TAKE U !!! she would make them m i s e r a b l e things were always kind of tense between kennedy and her mom they never really got along ??? her mom rlly resent kennedy for who she is  even though kennedy really mfing tries to be a good person for her mom to accept who she is as a person.

things got a little better  when kennedy was 6 and her little brother mikkel was born. except………things only got worse a few years later?? there was an accident where mikkel got hit by a car when kennedy was walking him home from school.obviously the entire family was grief-stricken. they just lost their 6 year old son. it was awful. kennedy’s mom blamed herself, kennedy blamed herself and her dad blamed kennedy too. they moved around a lot after their son, kennedy’s brother died,, to different states but never out of the us and it was like none of them could rly talk about it with each other either. her parents started to fight a lot and they each had different ways of dealing with their grief. her mom went out on some crisis and had a string of affairs , while her dad turned to alcohol and abuse to deal with his grief.

her dad left her mom, after the incident. her mom got rlly fucked up like she will go to parties and act like she was 18. kennedy  lived with her mother who appeared to be involved in a few crimes . kennedy appeared to be more responsible than her mother at this point lmao . they got into a car accident under the influence of them celebrating her mother’s birthday. kennedy wasn’t the one driving, but she switched seats with her mother so she wouldn’t get in any more trouble which led to kennedy going to jail for a but bc she was underage .

the cops were like well shes has no one speical so lets leave her with her dad . her dad rlly couldn’t take care of kennedy because well .. he was a mess. he was always pass out on the couch with beer stains on his shirt and a pizza box on the floor.  mia was basically an accident/surprise to her father. he had no desire whatsoever to have kids after her brother’s incident.

 sometimes kennedy would come to school with bruises on her face. she remembers the snatches of convos between girls warning each other to steer clear of the leach, and wonder what they would say if she told them that everytime her father gets drunk she’s not sure being her father’s daughter will grant her immunity. She knew people could tell with one glance, one look, one simple instant. It was her eyes. Despite the thick makeup, they were still dark-rimmed., haunted, and sad. Most of all though, they were familiar. The fact that we were in front of hundreds of strangers changed nothing at all. She spent a summer with those same eyes-scared, lost, confused-staring back at herself. Anyone she was close with would have known them anywhere. she couldn’t sleep at night knowing that her parents will abuse her for anything that she will do. she spent countless of nights staying up, making sure that she wouldn’t have any slip ups in the morning when she woke up

 she spent the rest of her senior year shut off from the world as she grieved not only her brother, but the girl she used to be. she’d always been expected to go on to university & do something that would make a hell of a lot of money, but as her classmates got busy filling out their college applications, she holed up in the school’s auto-shop, learning how to work on cars.a few months after graduation, her grandfather passed ( of natural causes, thank god ) & she received a hefty inheritance. her classmates and teachers, lmao,  watched in horror as their precious gem of a daughter shelled out thousands of dollars to purchase her own garage, with plans to become a mechanic. she's not rich,  but she does have her own money . gives her a opportunity to say ‘at least i got here all by myself and not with mommy’s or daddy’s money’ heh…. 

kennedy  is somewhat emotionally stunted. her remaining friends from high school have all gone their separate ways & she hardly speaks to any of them. she’s dabbled in a romantic relationship here or there, but most of them have ended badly. basically? she’s a disaster. 

#networkintro

[sky-girls]

the video streaming existing already when luna came and everyone (online) betting on lutteo to end up togetherrrr or simbar (Or all couples really lmao) au pls

Listen this is weird but it was fun af to write so I hope it’s fun af to read

Vidia video streaming is loading…

Chat and comments are activated

Estrella.a:Who the fuck is that girl?

Lightingfast: Idk ????

Lightingfast: Why is he even talking to her

Je_Wel: Where is Ámbar

Lizz: Omg guys chill they are talking

Lizz: He is allowed to have friends

M-aya: He is totally flirting with her

diamondgrl: Well that’s not her fault

diamondgrl: if u wanna blame someone blame him

diamondgrl: besides they are kinda cute

“Can you believe this?” Luna asks Nina, who just looks over her shoulder and sees her angrily reading vidia comments section.

“Yes, I can believe that you are very cute and talented.” Nina says and Luna smiles but rolls her eyes.

“That’s not what I meant.” Luna says. “The one below it.”

“Yes, I can believe that people ship you and Matteo.” NIna deadpans and Luna groans loudly, covering her face with a pillow. She takes a peak to the cameras, she doesn’t know how good it is that she is complaining about the vidia fans right where they can see her but she also really doesn’t care.

“He has a girlfriend.” She exclaims.

“Is that the only reason you oppose to people shipping you?” Nina asks and Luna glares at her.

“This whole thing is ridiculous.” She says. “The whole shipping thing is ridiculous and the Matteo and I would never even happen.”

“Are you sure?” Nina asks and Luna just looks at her expressionless. “Well then tell Matteo, you can do it right this second.”

Luna turns around and sees Matteo walking right towards the, his backpack thrown over one shoulder, his hair messy from the helmet, his school tie basically undone. Their eyes meet and she turns around, hoping that the cameras can’t see her blush.

“What are you doing, delivery girl?” Matteo asks and just then she realizes that Nina has fled already. She hides her phone between her thigh and the couch and sends a look to her book.

“Studying what else?” She answers, harsher than intended but this guy is bringing her problems with Ámbar and no matter what he won’t leave her alone. He could use some harshness.

“You don’t seem to have made a lot of progress.” He says sitting in front of her and she glares at him. “I can help you if you want.”

“Nina is helping me.” She says and looks to her books that were neglected a long time ago.

“And where is she?” He asks raising an eyebrow, she looks around, Nina is nowhere to be found. “Besides no matter how smart she is I bet I understand this better than she does, I can even show you some tricks.”

The tone if his voice carries a second meaning and she tries to ignore it, her heart can’t though and it’s sent racing despite her best efforts.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Luna mumbles before Pedro comes to the table, leaving two smoothies there. Luna looks at them questioningly.

“What?” Matteo asks innocently. “You looked thirsty.”

“Does your girlfriend know you are buying smoothies to other girls?” She asks him refusing to even touch that smoothie, even if it looks delicious.

“I don’t get why she should know that I buy smoothies to my friends.” Matteo says defensive. “I can do it if  I want to.”

Luna nods, because in the end he has a point, there’s nothing wrong with being nice with a friend and if she sometimes thinks that he is doing more than that it’s just because all of these people on the internet are getting to her.

“Won’t  you drink it?” He asks, his light tone coming back. “It’s strawberry, your favorite.”

She looks at him slightly surprised as the pink goes back to her cheeks.

“Strawberry is not… Strawberry is not my favorite.” She mumbles and Matteo smirks at her.

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Matteo says taking the straw to his lips, she tries not to look at it for too long, but she fails, his smirk grows bigger.

Open Music notification

Vidia video streaming is loading…

Chat and comments are activated

Je_Wel: See??? This is why they belong together

Je_Wel:They are the best, the are fire together fireeeee

Lizz: you do realize that’s not the only thing a couple needs right??

Lizz: besides he totally winked at Luna

Estrella.a: They love each other

inScene: I doubt it

inScene: At least not anymore, not in a long while

Estrella.a: Just cuz they are having problems doesn’t mean they don’t love each other, don’t be fucking blind you are stupid if you think that

diamondgrl:omg chill it’s her opinion she can have an opinion

where.when:go to your mambar forum to spread the hate don’t come to the public chat

Je_Wel:She is not spreading hate you are rn and she is just telling the truth

M-aya:Okay but to other less dangerous topic who do you think this boy who just appeared is

runaway: I think he’s her bf

bella-bella: or at least he wants to be

bella-bella: did you see how he hugged her

flowery:he’s cute

flowery:and he is a great guitarist

diamondgrl: Luna is a great singer

diamondgrl: I hope she sings on the next open

Estrella.a: Why? Ámbar is so much better than her

…diamondgrl is writing…

…diamondgrl is writing…

…diamondgrl is writing…

Open music has finished, click to go to any of the cams

…diamondgrl has left the chat…

Estrella.a:See she doesn’t even have a reason

inScene: she can like Luna if she wants

when.where:she doesn’t need a reason

inScene:a lot of us do

inScene: in fact

….inScene has created a Luna fans

Open Music notification

Vidia video streaming is loading…

Chat and comments are activated

Estrella.a: HE’S NOT GONNA HE’S NT GONANA

Je_Wel: HE FUCKING DID

inScene: it’s a song he is not proposing

Estrella.a: IT WAS THEIR FUCKING SONG

when.where :SHE HAD IT COMING SHE DID SO WRONG

Estrella.a: THAT WAS NOTHING COMPARED TO IT

moonLover: HOW IS CHANGING A TEST AND MAKING SOEMONE POSSIBLY FAIL AND GET KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL NOTHING COMPARED TO SINGING A SONG

blessLoVe: YEAH BESIDES CAN’T YOU SEE LUTTEO LOVES EACH OTHER ÁMBAR IS JUST STANDING IN THE MIDDLE

blessLoVe: AND SHE IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE

blessLoVe:A FUCKING GRADE A ASSHOLE

Estrella.a: SHE’S THE FUCKING QUEEN

diamondgrl: she is the girlfriend tbf

inScene: still asshole but his gf so not standing in middle

Je_Wel: YOU GUYS TRY TO ACT ALL PURE AND YET STAND CHEATING

moonLover: how is this cheating??? They haven’t even kissed or anything

Estrella.a: This was their song

M-aya:Guys chill it’s not cheating and don’t worry about it they will be fine in no time, there’s a reason why they are the queen and king of the roller ;)

Fab&Cich has uploaded a video: Mambar break up!!!!!OMG

Mambar chat: +100 messages

She is looking for Matteo, she should be listening to Simón but she is looking for Matteo, Pedro came to them with the news of the power couple break up even before the video came out and the internet exploded and she has been worrying about him since then.

He hasn’t appeared on the roller all afternoon and neither has Ámbar. In fact she hasn’t seen Ámbar since yesterday afternoon.

Luna nods at whatever Simón is saying but her eyes are glued to the door, in that exact second Matteo walks in, he looks tired and worn down but not that sad. She mumbles some weird excuse to Simón and stands up so quickly she feels a little dizzy as she walks to the lockers rooms, right behind Matteo.

She has no idea what she will say or what she will do, she knows nothing really but she only dwells on these facts after she has called Matteo’s name and his eyes are on hers. She swallows hard.

“What’s up, delivery girl?” He asks, his voice is hoarse but he doesn’t sound like he has been crying at all, she feels way too relieved.

“Are you okay?” She just asks, she is glad it doesn’t come out pitiful, it just shows how concerned she is.

“I’m fine.” He smiles softly at her. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Are you sure?” She asks playing with her fingers but refusing to let the nervousness make her look down at them and avoid his eyes. “You guys were together for so long.”

“Yeah.” Matteo nods, leaning into the lockers. “But Ámbar and I…We weren’t the same anymore.”

“What do you mean?” She asks with a frown.

“I haven’t been in love with her in such a long time.” Matteo sighs. “And now I don’t know if she ever was in love with me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She hurries to say. “I’m sure she loves you and you will be back together soon.”

“Maybe she does, but being in love is not the same as loving.” He mumbles looking at her so intensely she feels like he is trying to reach her soul through her eyes. “Have you ever been in love?”

The question catches her by surprise and she can only open her mouth, trying to get any sound out of it, she doesn’t manage. She has never dated anyone and not so long ago she would have answered the question with sure and undeniable no but now she can’t manage for some reason.

“Anyway I don’t want to get back together with her.” He says once he realizes that she won’t answer. “We had our run and it was good at some point.”

Luna just nods because she has no idea what to say and his eyes never leave hers, she wants to look away but at the same time she wants to stare at them forever. She takes a deep breath, she needs to get out of here.

“Well if you ever need anyone to talk to or anything.” She tells him. “I’m here.”

“Thanks, delivery girl.” He says holding her hands for one second that’s simultaneously too long and too short at the same time. “I’ll have it in mind.”

Felicityfornow: Sometimes endings can lead to new beginings. Is it the same in love?

…Lutteo chat has been created…

diamondgrl: That was so cUTE

diamondgrl:I can’t with those two

inScene: they are so gonna kill me

moonLover: they would be perfect together

fresa-frutilla: can you imagine how ded we will be when the finally KISS

diamondgrl: do u think it will happen tho

Lizz:They are spending so much together lately

flowery: omg what if they already did ????

felicity_Now: did you see the last thing about love felicity posted ? They totally did

diamondgrl: I don’t think so tbh

inScene: yeah I think it will happen

inScene: and I think it will happen soon

inScene: but we might not even find out for a while

flowery: I hope you are wrong because I want all the details

fresa-frutilla: I just want them to be together

diamondgrl: same

moonLover:same

inScene: same

Matteo pulls her closer and she doesn’t even pull away, she lets her head rest on his shoulder, he squeezes her a little bit tighter and she smiles.

“I’m so dead I swear.” She says leaning into him, he is keeping them both standing as they walk to the  couches, but really she is so tired, they have been training for the competition for hours now and as great as it’s finally coming along she just wants to finally just lay down somewhere and never ever get up.

Matteo drops on the couch, bringing her down to it with him. She laughs.

“Can we just lay here forever?” He asks echoing her feeling but she groans.

“Probably not.” She says, hiding on his chest , at this point in life people will believe what they want to believe, no matter what they do, no matter how they act and a part of Luna is starting to accept that all those crazy shippers on vidia have a point, at least on her side. “We need to go home at some point.”

“What if I don’t want to?” He asks. “Would Tamara let me sleep here?”

“I don’t think so.” She giggles. “And we have school tomorrow.”

“Why are you only giving me bad news?” He complains. “I deserve good news.”

“Matteo I’m basically melted in you.” Luna informs him. “I don’t have strength for anything not even good news.”

“You being melted in me is  good news.” He says and she feels herself blush, she looks away and her eyes meet a camera, she looks away quickly, there’s no place where she can escape her embarrassment in this place.

“I wanna go home.” She whines, she needs her bed and a place without cameras and to be away from Matteo’s smell. The last thing is something she could totally manage to do right now but she doesn’t actually want to.

“Just give me a second and I’ll walk you home.” Matteo says and Luna sits up straight, stretching a little.

“It’s okay I still can walk alone, it’s early.” She tells him but he sits up straight too.

“Don’t worry, I’ll walk you.” He tells her. “Besides I want to talk about something with you.”

“About what?” She asks immediately but his eyes dart out to the cameras as he shakes his head. She can’t think of anything that they would mind discussing in front of the cameras right now, unless it’s too personal or a secret. “Oh, okay, what is it about tho.”

“Us.” He says simply, softly enough even she has problems hearing it.

“Us?” She asks, her head is beating fast and that smile he has giving her some ideas but she doesn’t want to hope for it. He extends his hand towards hers and she holds it as they both stand up.

“Yeah.” He says. “So we really should get going, I’ve been waiting for this for very long.”

Her heart does a summersault in her chest, her blood starts pumping faster and there’s smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She wants this to be what she thinks it is so bad and she can’t wait to find out if she’s right.

Vidia video streaming is loading…

Lutteo chat is opened…

felicity_Now: OMG DHRUFIJ

fresa-frutilla: THIS IS NOT A DRILL THIS IS NOT A DRILL IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING PEOPLE

diamondgrl: I CAN’T BREATH

Lizz: I WANNA THANK NOT ONLY GOD BUT JESUS

inScene: omg what happened what this I miss

moonLover: THEY  FKCING KISSED

inScene: FFS I GET HOME LATE ONE FUCKING DAY AND THEY KISSED.

diamondgrl:DID SOMEONE SCREENCAP IT OR SMTH GVYCIJGD

moonLover: I GOT YA

moonLover has sent a pic

inScene : LOW Q AND GRAINY AND THEY ARE STILL LOVELY

flowery: do you think this is what they talked about yesterday ????

diamondgrl:totally

Lizz:omg do you think he asked her to be his gf

inScene: I fucking hope so

felicity_Now: I’m so happy guys

felicty_Now: they look so happy

inScene: I want to cry because of how beautiful these two are

inScene: How did I get so invested on their lives?

inScene:Help

diamondgrl: do u think ambar’s sad

flowery: did u see they way Simón looks at her

flowery: no way

#soy luna #lutteo #luna valente #matteo balsano #the fuck is this #who knows not me but it was very fun #deliverydefresas #mine

[bunnieface]

Check in!!!

Seeing how it’s break and all, I’ve got another quarter down in the books (YEET) and I only have a few months until I move to Spain(!!!!!) I thought I’d do a lil self-reflection, self check-in and just a regular lil entry in my online journalito. 

Mental Health: wow oh  my GoD I’m feeling the best I have in quite a long while!!!!! I’m quite comfortable/happy/content/satisfied with all that’s going on in my mental health. Considering it was just the wintertime, where SAD gets me (baaadly), I can absolutely say that this is the first winter probably since I was in middle school where I wasn’t suicidal or self-harmed. I haven’t really given myself the credit I deserve for this but!!! Ya bitch DID IT!!! I haven’t really felt the need to drink, smoke, or force myself into things I didn’t really want to do. Not only that, but I’ve started to kind of like who I am, actually?? I’m kind of realizing that I’m kind of a cool person(wow??). I still struggle with liking the face that looks back at me in the mirror, but like got damn!! My music taste??? A little off the beaten path, but FLEEKY. The fact that I’m a person of like, substance? Also pretty sick. The excess, wild, crazy energy that I have used to embarrass me. It makes me clumsy, I think it may come off as annoying, and I felt like I had to suppress it with everything that I had. But I’m kind of realizing that my insane, morning-centric, positive energy is a really great thing about me. Maybe it’s not for everybody. Nobody can be for everybody. But to be honest, I’ve had enough of the “too chill for literally everything” and negative vibes that are so much easier to grab onto. I like being turbo!! I like seeing the good in everything!!! I shouldn’t SEEK OUT the negative in something so that I feel like I fit in better. My ADHD is a really awesome part of me. I am learning to forgive myself for the social blunders I’ve made, and even though I still get that near-OCD rumination track on loop in my head, I’m learning to just say “okay, you’re back. How are we going to stop you?” To sum up my mental health, I’m giving myself a solid A in improvement for this quarter (and I guess the school year). (also, stop worrying about the lil weight u put on. You’ll lose it. cálmate.)

Academics/Spanish: yeet, yeet, yeet, and one more for the back: YEET. To be honest, grade-wise I didn’t end up pulling an A like I meant to in my grammar class. It’s okay tho. At the last minute I got lazy with the studying and could only focus on soccer (haha) so I only managed to get a B+ (which is verrrrry annoying considering almost everything else I did this quarter was A level work but whatevs). While I didn’t get exactly the grade I wanted in my grammar class, (my other class was P/F and my 314 I pulled an A) I feel like I improved my spanish SO MUCH. I feel actually functional now. All of my classes were taught in Spanish, and my conversation class forced me to speak in Spanish (which I didn’t really take advantage of as much as I should have, thanks to anxiety). One of the two parties I went to this quarter had quite a few Spanish speakers and I realized that after a drink or two, I’m REALLY good at Spanish! Compliments all over the place, full-ass conversations, people surprised and impressed with the fact I’ve only been learning for a year and a half, etc etc. The thing is though, it wasn’t just the compliments. I felt myself speaking well. I was understanding everything almost as if it was in English, and I was responding without thinking. (Later on, once I realized I was doing really well, I realized that I started getting self-conscious and speaking less and more slowly) SO I really gotta let go of that fear, it’s holding me back SO MUCH. But still. Slammin’ improvement. Not to mention, I can watch Club de Cuervos with only the Spanish subtitles now. I’m understanding basically everything that’s happening with the exception of some of the really colloquial stuff (I’ll pick up on it!!!). And I can watch YouTube videos in Spanish with mostly no problems depending on their accent. Mexican accents are SO MUCH EASIER to understand haha.

Friend/social life: I’ve calmed down. I’ve calmed down so much. Oh my god. I’m not anxious at neearly the same levels. I feel like I’m making connections and friends in a really healthy way and connecting with them very genuinely because I’m much less afraid to be myself. I don’t care if we’re best best buds, or whatever. I’m just happy to be around them when I’m around them and content when I’m not. I don’t really care about partying or drinking anymore. I’m pretty much done with it, except for the occasional outing. (occasional as in TWICE over the quarter), and every time that I have drank, I’ve had such a good time! No tears, no sadness, no crippling anxiety. I don’t ever want to throw all the blame on someone other than myself, and not that I’m blaming them, but god I am so so so happy that I left my old friend group. I haven’t regretted it at all, really. Nor have I regretted stepping down as BSU President. I have grown so much mentally, academically, and emotionally, since I cut ties. It’s not their fault. I was just genuinely uncomfortable to be myself around them. I didn’t feel loved or appreciated, and I don’t really think I was. But I was more than accepting of it because I didn’t think that I deserved it. I ended up chasing acceptance and love from people that didn’t really care about me. In turn, I injured a really important, caring friendship. (although that friendship definitely had its dysfunctional levels). I know there’s a lot of mental health illness in that group, and I really hope they are able to find peace and confidence soon if they haven’t already. Work stresses me out a bit. I think some people (including a bit of the adult leadership.. cough cough) are trifling and I want to avoid them because they seem like more trouble and more into drama than what its worth. But it’s fine. I hope I can catch a Seattle summer job (PIKE) and not work there over the summer.

I, Sarah: well, well, well. Sarah as a unit. Just the me. Lil ol me. I. AM. PROUD. OF. YOu. You’re doing amazing, sweetie!!!! I have the confidence to start learning things just to learn them! To do something just for the sake of doing it, and not for being the best! I’m loving soccer (thanks Club de Cuervos), and I love having the friends that want to make it all possible! I actually want to have an intramural team going, I know we’ll probably lose every game, but I don’t care because I just want to play! Team sports were a literal nightmare for me with my social anxiety, but I actually WANT to do it. I WANT to get out there and play and meet new people. I’m not scared of looking like a damn fool on the field. PUT ME IN COACH! On another note, I am so so so SO much more comfortable with my identity. I am bisexual, and I’m FINALLY accepting of it!! I’m even telling a select few people. I feel like a weight that’s been pressing me down for years has just been lifted. I’ll make a separate post about it. I have SO much I want to say. 

In all, I have a really solid foundation going for me and I’m so happy to be where I am. It’s almost weird, because I never really thought this level of stability was going to be possible for me. Being diagnosed with depression/anxiety in the fifth grade, growing up in an abusive household, and having to get over traumas both from my past and more recent present left me feeling like I was going to be a broken disaster for my whole life. Not really. I’m sure I’ll dip and struggle at times. But I made it through the darkest part of the year for me with barely a scratch. I feel like I can take on the world!! 

#bless up to the true glow ups #maybe not on the outside but my inside is sparkling rn #My life is so precious #Spain? Im comin for ya

[bricrse]

IT’S BREATH IS LIKE ICE DOWN YOUR NECK. IT’S TOUCH IS SEARING —– ( EVENT SIXTEEN / TASK TWENTY SIX. )

I was never a woman born easy to swallow, I exist only in extremities,  

                                   as a forest fire

                                                         or a hurricane

                                                        ——————- NEVER a light summer rain.

BASICS ;

NAME: Briar Sinclair CODE NAME: empathal AGE: 18 GRADE: 12th/Senior ALIGNMENT: Neutral  FACE CLAIM: Willa Holland

POWERS ;

—————– PATHOKINESIS ; DESCRIPTION

The user can sense and manipulate the emotions of those around them including feelings, moods, and their positive && negative affects on themselves, people and animals, whether by increasing && decreasing emotional aspects, causing or otherwise channeling emotion, or even manifesting the emotional energy to a physical level.

—————– PATHOKINESIS ; SKILLS ( LIMITED / STILL LEARNING. ) CURRENT:

DETECTION: the power to sense emotions of those around them INTENSELY in one’s vicinity, including many all at once: CURRENTLY:  unavoidable, overwhelming, despised, and inflictive/adoptive on herself.

INFLICTION: inflicting one’s emotions on other’s around them, especially very intense and overwhelming ones ( eg. sorrow, rage, love. ) CURRENTLY: completely out of her control. 

ABSORPTION && EMPOWERMENT:  fully or partially absorb emotions temporarily or permanently, with/without removing it from the source. Targets of the absorption lose motivation and energy over sudden loss of intense emotions. && also the power to grow strength from emotions ( eg. extra strength && health. ) CURRENTLY: avoided, under control. 

AUGMENTATION && MANIPULATION: increasing existing emotions of others, and affecting other’s control over their actions. ( eg. overwhelming their confidence, restraint. ) and/or manipulation && intensification of emotions && feelings ( eg. sorrow, wrath/rage, jealousy, greed, lust, as well as trust and comfort. ) leading to actions the target wouldn’t usually do, although can be easily resisted if paying attention to the snickering girl in the corner.  CURRENTLY: in control, used frequently. 

—————– PATHOKINESIS ; IN PROGRESS:  

REMOVAL: the ability to REMOVE their own or another’s ability to feel emotion/s. CURRENTLY: no progress.

PAIN SUPPRESSION: the ability to suppress pain felt by oneself or others / to become highly resistant to physical pain by mentally eliminating the signals transmitted from brain > wound. Depending on the wound, target’s can continue to move, ignore pain, and generally function in situations where pain would disable a normal person. CURRENTLY: improving, in progress.

PAIN SUPPRESSION - EXTENDED, EMPATHIC HEALING: the ability to heal other’s emotional wounds and burdens via altering certain emotions to fit. CURRENTLY: in progress, but avoided due to emotional backlash.

—————– PATHOKINESIS ; LIMITATIONS

EASY LOSS OF CONTROL, ESPECIALLY WITH CONFLICTING EMOTIONS AND AN UNFOCUSED MIND. NEEDS PERSEVERANCE AND PATIENCE. 

CONSTANT MENTAL CONTROL NEEDED TO KEEP ONE’S OWN EMOTIONS CONTROLLED AND ANY SIDE-EFFECTS AT BAY. RESTRICTIONS NEEDED.

HEALTH IS JEOPORDISED FREQUENTLY. HEADACHES, MIGRAINES, AND NOSEBLEEDS HAVE BEEN RECORDED.

CAN SENSE EMOTIONS FROM MULTIPLE PEOPLE AT ONE TIME, BUT ACTUAL SINGULAR POWERS ARE LIMITED TO ONE TARGET AT A TIME.

LIMITED RANGE, USUALLY RESTRICTED TO ROOMS.

EMOTIONAL BACKLASH IS OFTEN RESULTED, AS WELL AS VERY OVERWHELMING. ESPECIALLY WHEN TOYING WITH MULTIPLE EMOTIONS.

BIOGRAPHY ;

even as a child the way she looked at people was…UNUSUAL? the victim were opaque pages and briar was soaking in every word. her parents marked it as TOO INITIATIVE, but even they still looked at their daughter with morbid curiosity, at the one who was so perceptive to the people around her, so touchy. the slightest sight of a flicker – a spark of anything would send briar fueling the autumn embers of a flame that would grow out of CONTROL. she didn’t understand it, of course, it had only been innocent inquiry in the beginning. and in the beginning it hadn’t been that bad, but as she grew? UNPREDICTABILITY became a thing. It was always one side of the coin or the other, she was either too calm, or too OUT OF CONTROL, her emotions were rapid or frozen in place. the slightest reaction sends her into a spiral, and slightest intense emotion in her chest were always so tiring, overwhelming ; it takes a toll on the mind of the child. She’s taken to psychology’s, to doctor’s ( why so many MIGRAINES? ) and they do scans, they do everything, but the only thing that manages to happen is briar tugging with their emotions enough to lose their jobs ( easier to do than you think,)  everything is ‘ fine ’ —- but she knows it’s not. she knows SHE’S not. 

it doesn’t help when her father dies, after an argument with his wife. briar can practically see the wrath radiating through the air, but either way — her father leaves with a slam of the front door and he never returns. CAR ACCIDENT, briar’s left in shambles, and everyone around her is her path of wreck. FUNERALS? briar learns they’re not the type of place for someone like her. she absorbs everything, and it’s too much. the only PEACEFUL person is —- her mother?  strange. it doesn’t take briar long to figure it out. the AFFAIR. and the blame is immediately pinned on the woman for driving her idol out the front door and into the path of a vehicle. briar feels so such…rage? ( FIRST SIGNS: UNSTABLE EMOTIONS, QUICK TO ANGER, QUICK TO ANYTHING. ) next thing she remembers is her mother being carried out the front door by paramedics, she doesn’t come home. It’s HER fault, and she knows it. there’s a certain persuasion to briar’s abilities, just the right push and it sends any person over the edge. of course —- what do the cops think? the widow commits suicide after her husbands death, they’re not going to believe her fifteen year old daughter messed around in her head accidentally.   

the sinclair children are handed over to an aunt that UNDERSTANDS. apparently a grandfather? a great grandfather from her mother’s side shared her particular peculiarity ( same curse, if you ask her. ) he eventually drove himself mad, or his abilities did ; he didn’t live past thirty. she’s told she needs extensive control and learning ; rules and regulations to keep herself under control, to keep from inflicting on anyone else. but even that’s hard when everyone walks on eggshells around her home. her aunts rigid fingertips graze briar’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort, but briar feels no warmth, she feels FEAR ———- STOKELY’S SCHOOL FOR GIFTED YOUNGSTERS is shoved under her nose by an eager aunt wanting to be rid of a child too difficult to handle. the child welcomes it, welcomes the school, and even finds UNEASINESS in leaving after her final year. she finds this place more comforting than any home she’s had before ; considering she’s not the worst one here —— she’s getting better, but she still despises being in larger groups ; classes are always such a bother, and that’s where she finds most of her self-control tugging at the reigns. SHE’S NOT READY, and she wants nothing less than to be released back into a world where she doesn’t belong, where she could potentially go backwards rather than forwards and potentially endanger —— see? she does care, it doesn’t seem to show when she uses other students as target practice. but the untameable rebel girl is forced to have a harness wrapped around herself ; RESTRICTIONS, but even the strongest of people can lose control.   

HEADCANONS  EXTRAS ; 

lol shannae why dont you just cUT OFF YOUR extra ass™  right here, nobody wants to hear you rAMBLE, but ok listen briar is sO !! different in this event to me and i find it cool, dont judge me, im INSPIRED. first off she is super?? introverted?? tries to stick to herself most of the time

not really that aggressive tbh she’s not gonna fight u unless someone messed with her frootloops that morning or she thinks she can control herself into not turning you into a hot chili pepper firecracker explosion ready to go oFF 

it’s more like psychological and visual tbh like…i’m basing this off one of my favourite books but she can actually see certain aura’s?? && she’s learnt to differ their meanings

dont go having a fight with someone around her. she’s not Good ok, this is on the neGATIVE scale and she cannot help herself. she feeds off && fuels negative emotions without even reaLISING it, like?? you don’t see her picking daisies and singing walking on sunshine?? she’s the one with a scowl in the corner because she doesn’t want to deal with her own emotions let alone anyone elses

you can tell i just gave the most emotiONALLY CONSTIPATED PERSON ON THE PLANET this superpower just to screw with her. i’m not Nice

anyway find her in the library 90% of the time tbh she cannot handle large rooms with large amounts of people && overpowering emotions. it makes her ill, she doesn’t like using her absorption, so she’s unwell alot. I’m not Nice x2

so happy this isnt mutual to all of u because she is terrifIED of herself && doesn’t want anyone to know she isn’t a badass biTCH

doesn’t mean she won’t screw around tho, if you feel extra lovey dovey towards mr. fitzgerald, or want to go stab ur gf in the neck suddenly, you know who’s the cause

PLOTS ;

HUAN ZHANG ——- 2 gay !!!! watch them argue with each other and then make out, i mean. .make up. 

#hst:task #event tag tbt. #suicide mention tw #death mention tw #this is the worsT but i really wanted to get this out before i leaVE #i went all out with this task ok if you want to save the next hOUR of your life do nOT click the read more #but 👀 come plot w/mE

[abbythoughts]

I’m tired of being your daughter.

I’m tired of living under your control. Home? It’s never been a home. More like a house where people come and go but haven’t you realised how nobody is happy under this roof?

I feel mentally drained and there are a lot of things in my life that have developed because of who you are as a person, and how that has affected my growth as an adult. I’ve sought professional help but do not have the financial resources to continue seeking therapy.

When Luke mentioned that he had anxiety issues and you shrug it off? The truth of the matter is I too have anxiety issues and really, it’s no surprise there considering someone at home has it and is refuse to treat it thus implicating it onto others in the environment. I have a legit personality disorder because of my environment and it really is not healthy to continue living in this environment. Here are some issues that I’ve faced that has greatly affected me and my living in this place.

1. You don’t respect me: My Career It’s really not funny, nor is it a joke when I say that business is not good this season. And you just comment, “Ya that’s why I tell you go get a REAL job“ or like when I don’t eat dinner because I work “YA LA if you get a REAL job I won’t have all these problems”

A REAL JOB. You don’t respect my career choice. Respecting doesn’t mean you have to accept it, but respecting it means you DO NOT MAKE such comments, neither do you need to constantly give advice on what I should and should not do. I REALLY DO NOT NEED IT. You are unable to show empathy and you wonder why I don’t empathise with you.

Just because I’m not the ideal daughter that get good grades, got a good job after uni blah blah blah. I know you talk shit about me to others, and I really don’t need that kind of toxicity in my life

2. You don’t respect me: My life choices & boundaries

By not respecting my life choices, what I choose to do in life, what I want to do in my life, my space and my choices including my religion and relationship choices - you are not allowing me to be who I want to be. 

It is extremely distressing, once again same thing. Respecting doesn’t mean you have to accept it, but respecting means you do not make unnecessary comments, or your unnecessary behaviour and way you respond to how I spend my time or who I spend it with it’s really not need and it’s beyond rude. I’ve only gotten mean, and in your words “disrespectful” because I am only trying to protect myself and my mental state. I also believe that if I don’t feel respected, I shouldn’t give respect. It is so degrading to live in this environment and everyone around me e.g my friends can actually sense, see and have witnessed the change in my mental state ever since I’ve moved back home from Uni.

I think I’ll never forget the night where I was ironing my graduation gown and I burned myself and you scolded me, and said I cry until very poor thing but i brought it on to myself? Yes, so what? You didn’t have to point it out to me. Thanks to your scolding, that night I actually felt like COMMITTING SUICIDE. I actually felt like DYING BECAUSE my life is so shitty and I really don’t and didn’t need the negativity that you constantly perceive onto others.

3. You don’t respect me: My room but it’s YOUR HOUSE

You constantly barge in and honestly, I was very very very disturbed when you just open the room door when I’m changing thus I put the sign on the door. But yet, you did it again when you wanted to wake me up and ask me to join you for lunch.

I’m really not interested to join you guys for lunch when I’m asleep. There is a reason why I am still asleep and it is not for you to decide it by opening the door and waking me up just because you want to eat lunch with me. That’s not caring for me, that’s not “I wake you up cause tot u want to join us for lunch“. That’s what you think but that’s the truth of the matter. What you think is not the best but you always think that you are right, “I only concerned for you what”

That right there is a narcissistic thought. If you were really concerned about me, and you respected me, you would not have disturbed me while I’m sleeping, you would not have freely open the door as and when you like just because this is your house.

On top of that, you don’t wake luke up for lunch when he’s sleeping cause you’re afraid he will scold you. But how come you can do it to me? Then when I fight back or am unhappy, i get shouted at but NEVER have I ever seen you shouting at luke when you accidentally wake him or you wake him. You will rapidly apologise like mad. So why is there this difference in treatment here

4. You don’t respect me: I’m not your friend or your husband or a third parent, I’m your child

Don’t dump your emotional shit on me from your unstable relationship with dad. That is not my issue to solve and I hate how you make it mine by constantly telling it to me or in your words “ranting” to me.

In fact, this has been an issue ongoing for so long and you do not understand how much unnecessary stress you are putting on me. Yes you need someone to support you and stuff but that person is NOT ME. In fact, while I was still attending church, I had to do so much healing in this aspect because of you and daddy’s marriage. If you really wanted to, you would have gone to your pastor and solved it by attending marriage counselling or whatever. But because you refuse to, or have yet to or for whatever reasons, it really is putting unnecessary burden and stresses on me that really impact my mental health.

I’m not interested in listening to your stuff because once again, you don’t respect me, and you don’t listen to my stuff WITHOUT giving me unsolicited advice that I do not need.  

5. Expectations: at home

You expect this that and this and that. What do I mean? Really simple put in some examples, Cleaning the house:

Even when we clean, you will reclean because it’s not good enough. Then you complain we don’t help you

Every time we attempt as something, it’s never “good enough“ by your standards, you think it’s not done properly and it’s honestly really freaking tiring. We try to help, but you just put it down. So why would anyone want to help if even if we help all we get is shit in return?

You always have something to say, and it’s nothing that it’s positive or appreciative. And then you say nobody appreciates you at home? Because in all of our attempts to try to help or be better, neither have you ever appreciated a single attempt of ours and that’s why.

6. Narcissistic Parenting: and it has affected my growth going into adulthood

Below are some excerpts from great articles I’ve read over the years:

“It’s clear that there are hundreds of thousands of people around the world who were raised by at least one narcissist, and it wreaked havoc on their self-esteem, their feelings of well-being and safety, and their confidence and courage. Being raised by a narcissist gives rise to a belief throughout our lives that we are just not “good enough” despite everything we try and bending over backwards to please others.

And it damages your boundaries, which are the invisible barriers between you and your outside systems that regulate the flow of information and input between you and these systems. These damaged boundaries thwart your ability to communicate authentically and powerfully, and taint your own self-concept, which in turn damages your relationships and your capability to thrive personally and professionally in the world.  Most adult children of narcissists never get the help they need to recover and heal, because they have no idea that what they’ve experienced as children is unhealthy and destructive.”

https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2016/07/09/how-being-raised-by-a-narcissist-damages-your-life-and-self-esteem/#754c9dd92c67

Engulfing Narcissists — these are parents who see their children as extensions of themselves. In other words, engulfing narcissistic parents become obsessively involved in your life to an extreme extent. They don’t respect your boundaries or acknowledge you as a separate person. (https://lonerwolf.com/narcissistic-mother-father/)

Manipulation:

Guilt trip: “I’ve done everything for you and you’re so ungrateful.”

Blaming: “It’s your fault that I’m not happy.”

Negative comparison: “Why can’t you be as good as your brother?”

Love is given as a conditional reward, rather than the natural expression of healthy parenting.

Dr. Christiane Northrup, the author of Dodging Energy Vampires, describes what can happen when you have a long-term relationship with a narcissist. Eventually, it emotionally drains you to the point that it can lead to other issues, even those affecting your health.

“The same is true for you. If you are in a relationship with an energy vampire, you may be able to withstand the energy drain for a while, but eventually the relationship takes its toll. And, I’m not just talking about feeling a little emotional or drained. There can be serious health consequences when you are in an unbalanced relationship with an energy vampire. In my decades on the front lines of women’s health, I’ve seen people suffering from adrenal fatigue, chronic Lyme disease, irritable bowel syndrome, thyroid disorders, an inability to lose weight, diabetes, breast cancer, autoimmune disorders and so-called mystery illnesses.”

In fact, I have read countless of such articles and sadly, I relate to them so much it’s unbelievable. I am always SO EMOTIONALLY DRAINED at home, even tho Home is supposed to be a comforting place.

I have low self-esteem, and even though I’ve had many success in my life, I never feel good enough. My friends always ask me why because they all think that really, i’m not doing terribly. I’m also deeply insecure, overly-sensitive and unable to make decisions - all symptoms of a child of a narcissistic.

True love:

Is loving someone without wanting something back. Wanting the best for the person yet being able to respect the person and their boundaries.

I felt like I was brought up to support you in your old age or to help you perceive an image of some sorts. And that’s fine but when it feels like that’s my only purpose in life, get a good job and money to give to them, it really feels depressing. Life itself feels depressing.

For me:

I am a separate being from you. You don’t get to have a say in how I live as an adult even as I slowly transit into adulthood. Your life is not my life, I am not responsible for your actions your thoughts and your decisions or the way you want to live your life. I am responsible for my own actions and decisions and way of life.

I cannot change you but I can focus on myself and focusing on myself also includes cutting toxicity out of my life which includes trying to block toxic people out of my life.

Moving out:

You think I want to move out just because it’s cool? No. It’s because going no contact and moving out is the only way I can recover. It’s the only way I can be me and who i really am without a negative impact in my life.