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letsgetusaghostfriend · 3 years

Text

A Green Day concert, a bloody nose and a coming out – Sunset Curve & Green Day I

Summary: Luke and Bobby got them tickets for the Green Day show in LA on November 2nd 1994, also known as the night Billie Joe punched a homophobe and Alex came out to the guys.

Friendship fic, super Alex & Bobby centred, Luke and Reggie are not straight but don’t know that yet. Also, I know most people think Alex came out way earlier, but he has to not be out for this story to work.

((warnings: homophobia, homophobic language (not fully written out except in the band name of the opening act), slight violence, mentioned: alcohol, underage drinking (I am german, so for me it’s not underage drinking but yeah), in general: swearing))

word count: 4.9k, read here on AO3 x

Luke and Bobby got four tickets for the Green Day show in LA on November 2nd in 1994, it was one of Green Day’s bigger shows at that time. The boys previously have been to other concerts of the band, but the last one was in a small club in ’92, of course, all four of them being way too young for that place. Luke and Reggie were the first ones out of their group to get fake ID’s, mainly to go to gigs and play gigs. In the beginning, Alex thought he would never do the same, too scared of possible consequences, but then Luke used his stupid puppy eyes. (They still work even after Alex crush died, dead and buried). And if he was being honest, it was really helpful for playing clubs if the owners can at least pretend that they believe the four boys are old enough to be there.

Alex was aware that Green Day’s opening act, Pansy Division, was an all-gay band. And he was excited and scared at the same time. He found out because this one kid in his English class, Josh, went to the San Diego show earlier that week and told one of his friends that he shouldn’t go to the LA show as Green Day was just a bunch of “f*g lovers” and not worth their time. So Alex was scared: what if his friends would say the same thing?

They arrive late and the line is massive, Alex anxiety pitches in and reminds him that if it takes too long for them to get inside, he might miss Pansy Divisions performance. Logically he knows that they wouldn’t start letting people in so late that the opening band already starts when most people are not inside yet, but his anxiety is not that into logical thinking. He can’t help being fidgety, at one point Luke noticed and asks him if the crowd is making him uncomfortable. “Yeah, a little bit” Alex responds, not wanting further questions about why he was so anxious. The boys keep close to the bar, staying in the back first, not too excited to get into the crowd just yet. Alex knows the others would be inside the first mosh pit if it wasn’t for his anxiety, but not once did they show any signs of annoyance about his hesitancy. They just patiently wait for Alex to get used to the crowd and atmosphere, never angry when he has a bad day and he never signals that it is okay for them to go into the more crowded areas. Sometimes, especially when Luke doesn’t know where to put his energy he and Reggie go, but they always make sure that at least one person stays with Alex. He probably should tell them how thankful he is for this more often (the others would disagree here since they feel like Alex thanks them too much).

When Pansy Division started playing Alex didn’t expect them to actually sing about hooking up with guys at rock concerts, loving men, having real, deep and meaningful relationships and just, in general, doing normal daily life stuff, living with a boyfriend and how it feels after a breakup. He feels so excited, almost jumping up and down to the beat, not able to put his excited energy out on the drums like he would if it was their own concert. Alex completely forgets to check the guys for any reactions, too involved in the music. He doesn’t see that the other three boys enjoy Pansy Divisions music just as much as he does. He doesn’t see Bobby eyeing him from the side, a knowing glint in his eye.

Alex doesn’t know that Bobby saw the way Alex would look at Luke when they were 14, at Brian from History when they were 15, and how he sometimes looks at pictures from Billie Joe Armstrong in magazines. Bobby also didn’t miss Alex’ obsession with the song Coming Clean. The other boys sometimes forget about how Bobby’s parents are genuine open-minded people, who introduce him to a lot more diverse people than his friends’ parents do. So yes, maybe Alex was discreet enough for Mr Luke Oblivious Patterson and Captain Reg Oblivious Peters, and his parents who anyway only see what they want to see, but not for Bobby. Bobby, who might from an outsider’s perspective looks like he is standing a bit outside this friendship group due to him being less loud and sociable than his friends, but Bobby who loves his friends with all his heart, Bobby who truly sees his friends and knows that this is where he belongs. Seeing the absolute bliss, happiness and excitement streaming from Alex like waves is contagious.

After Pansy Division finished their set and there was a short break before Green Day would start theirs, Bobby slips from their group, mumbling that he would get another beer. Instead, he goes to buy Pansy Divisions EP, because the band was genuinely good but mostly because he knows Alex wouldn’t buy it, but he will definitely want it. On his way to the little corner where they sell the Green Day merch as well as Pansy Division stuff, Bobby realises that it was actually packed, but he soon saw that it was just a long long line for the Green Day merch. Actually, there are so many people he can’t even see the Green Day merch salesperson. He manages to get to the guy who took care of the Pansy Division stuff, he greets him with a head nod and a short “hey”, while scrambling his money out of his pant pockets to count it. He’ll have to nick a bit off of Luke’s beer later, not having enough money left to buy another one. When he reaches out to hand out the money for the CD somebody joins the guy who cared for the merch. Bobby recognises that it’s the singer of Pansy Division and he smiles at him. “Great performance, really enjoyed you guys’ music!”. The singer grins at that and holds out his left hand, which Bobby finds a bit strange, but takes it nonetheless.

“Jon, nice to meet you.”

“Bobby, pleasure is all mine.”

“Ah, you’re a musician yourself!” Jon says while checking out Bobby as if he could tell whether the kid in front of him was any good based on his appearance. It took the guitarist a second to realise that Jon must’ve felt his calloused fingers from playing the guitar during the handshake. “Yeah, I’m actually here with my bandmates.” A voice in his head, that sounds suspiciously like Reggie tunes in with “We’re Sunset Curve, tell your friends.” But Bobby pretty much felt like a child trying to play in the adults’ league, so he doesn’t say anything else. Jon grabs the CD he was about to buy and opens it while asking “So Bobby, is the CD for you or someone else?” Taken aback by that question Bobby tells him without thinking “We kind of always share records. Em, so maybe Sunset Curve?” Jon who was about to sign the inside of the CD case, pauses and looks up again “You’re in Sunset Curve?”

“Yeah, rhythm guitar.” He answers without much of a thought, it takes him two seconds then he adds: “You’ve heard of us?” Jon chuckles at Bobby’s shocked tone.

“Saw you play a few months ago. Didn’t remember your name till Mike mentioned one of your songs, always called you “the band with the cute drummer” actually.” Jon casually explained to a still shell-shocked Bobby. The comment about Alex makes him choke on his own spit though. Jon smirks, but before he can say more Bobby’s mouth starts talking before his brain gave its okay: “You saw us well enough to say that Alex is cute, but you didn’t recognise me?” After the words left his mouth, he feels his face heat up.

‘Way to embarrass yourself by having too much of an ego, Robert, great job’, he thought to himself. But Jon again laughs it off, as if he made a funny joke, smirks and asks if Alex was here tonight.

“He is,” Bobby says, voice cold, “he is also sixteen.”

Now it was Jon’s time to look embarrassed. “Oh shit, never mind then.” He pauses. “Sixteen is a bit young to play that club you played, isn’t it?” He pauses again. “You guys take this whole music thing seriously, I like that!”

More at ease again after Jon’s reaction to Alex’ age, Bobby’s brain finally catches up with everything Jon said before he called Alex cute.

“Wait, Mike as in Mike Dirnt? As in Mike Dirnt mentioned one of our songs?” he asks astounded. Jon laughs at the utter bewilderment that the younger one’s face was showing. But before he could say something about it a loud voice behind Bobby sneers: “Oh look at that, Bobby the f*g lover.” He turns around and sees Andrew from his math class. “Always knew at least one of you would be a shirt lifter!”

Bobby tries to take a deep breath before he answers but Jon beats him to it. “I would really think people were clever enough to listen to lyrics, but you still find the poser ones at these concerts, especially since Dookie got Green Day so popular outside of the scene!” Bobby needed a few seconds to realise that Jon wasn’t even talking to Andrew but instead just talked about him to Bobby and the guy selling the merch.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that you fucking fairy!” Andrew sneers, stepping closer to Jon. As soon as Andrews anger is directed towards Jon and not Bobby anymore, the guitarists fight instinct kicks in.

“Fairy? Really?” he asks Andrew with a snigger in his voice, “Didn’t know we live in the 50s, Andrew. Learned all these terms from your daddy?” Bobby tries to make his voice sound as degrading as possible. For a second it seems like Andrew might shut up and leave but then Jon starts laughing loudly about Bobby’s comments and before anyone can react Andrew takes a swing and hits Jon right on the mouth. Without thinking, Bobby copies his action and the next thing he knows is that his hand hurts and Andrew has a red square on the side of his face. He glares at the guitarist and strikes again. This time the fist hits Bobby’s nose and he sees black stars in front of his eyes for a few seconds. After that, all hell is breaking loose and Bobby is being pushed around for what feels like a few minutes before he gets pulled aside and finds himself behind the selling booth with Jon by his side who has a busted lip that is still bleeding. Jon has a hand on the teen's shoulder and looks worried at him. “Fuck your nose does not look too good!” he says. Hearing the words Bobby brings his hand up to his nose and winces when he feels a sharp pain as soon as his fingers touch his nose. “Fuuuuuuuuck, Alex is going to kill me!” he groans at the thought of how the blond will react to seeing Bobby like this.

“Hey man, good punch you got on the dickhead there!” an excited voice states beside Bobby, which makes him turn his head probably a bit too quick, considering he just got punched in the face a few minutes before. But the guitarists' instincts were right: standing beside him was no other than Green Days’ singer, Billie Joe Armstrong. The blond (with fading blue in his hair) is smiling at Bobby and continues with “but I think mine was even better” while pointing at something behind Bobby, who turns around just in time to see security carrying a half-conscious Andrew out of the venue.

“You know that guy?”

“He goes to my school!” Bobby answers, still in awe looking after Andrew.

“Oh, you need to tell me about how he looks tomorrow, man I don’t miss high school but I’d love to go to school just to see that!” Billie Joe tells him and Jon, still sounding way too excited. When Bobby turns around again to look at the two musicians in front of him, he catches Jon telling Billie Joe that Bobby is part of the band they talked about the other day. Somehow getting even more excited by the news he fully turns back to Bobby. “Love that! We need more good people in this scene so we can make sure the music stays clean of dudes like that! Well, it was lovely punching homophobes with you Bobby, but I actually have a concert to play!”

And with that Billie Joe is gone through the door leading to the backstage area and Bobby looks at Jon hoping that he can find answers with him (like is he hallucinating?) but he just chuckles at the teenagers in awe face and takes the CD Bobby wanted to buy all along, as well as the money he had already paid and hands both back at the teen with the words “I think you paid enough for this already, thanks for sticking up for me!” And adding, when Bobby tries to give the money back again, “You better go so your bandmates don’t worry and you don’t miss the Green Day show!” Bobby thanks him and with a smile he makes his way back to the other boys while putting the money and the CD into his pockets.

When Alex finally sees Bobby come back to them, he feels relief washing over him. Alex always hates it when they split especially if one of them is on their own and Bobby has been gone for way too long. The first thing Alex notices is that Bobby doesn’t carry any beer or anything else that he could’ve brought from a bar, the second thing is that Bobby’s nose is bleeding. The easing relief is instantly replaced by worry as Alex's brain catches up with his eyes. As soon as the guitarist reaches them Alex starts searching his fanny pack for tissues and anything else that can help with a bloody nose, all while berating Bobby about getting into a fight. Reggie and Luke excitedly ask Bobby about it, but when their bleeding bandmate tries to tell them about what happened Alex just shushes him and gestures for him to look up so that he can take a better look at his nose. While Alex is still cleaning up Bobby’s face the crowd starts cheering and Alex turns around quickly to confirm his suspicion that the main act finally made it on stage. He keeps on cleaning his friends face from now slightly dried blood when he hears Billie Joe's voice over the speakers.

“Sorry guys, I know we’re late, but I had to punch a homophobe…” The rest of the sentence does not reach Alex’ brain as he looks at one of his best friends, whose nose was bleeding after obviously being punched and all he can hear is white noise, while the realisation, that Bobby being the homophobe who was just punched by Green Days’ singer, sets in. He feels a sharp sting in his chest all while feeling overwhelmed by fear, cold naked fear. And his thoughts race through his brain, too fast to actually make any sense, all he knows is that his worst nightmare seems to be coming true: the people he trusts the most will eventually leave him. They will hate him. They will think he is disgusting, and they will leave him. Unconsciously he takes a step back from Bobby, taking both his hands off his friends face but before he can totally spiral into his thoughts, he is caught by Bobby who holds the drummer by his wrists and looks at him like Alex offended him deeply.

“Seriously?” Bobby’s voice comes out sharper than he probably intended, softening his tone as he sees Alex flinch at him, “You actually think I am homophobic? Fuck Alex do you really think that poorly of me?” The guitarists' words and face are both filled with what Alex can only describe as hurt. Bobby attempts to say more but he is cut off by Billie Joe's voice coming over the speakers saying his name.

“A special thanks to Bobby from Sunset Curve! Make sure you check them out they’re a local band that’ll make it big one day, I’ll promise you! I swear, give them less than a year and they’ll be playing here on this very stage! Thanks, Bobby, for helping me punch a dickhead!” And with that they start into their first song, leaving the boys standing completely mind blown in the back, each one trying to comprehend what just happened. After a few seconds, Reggie, Luke and Alex all turn to Bobby with questioning faces, but Bobby concentrates on Alex’ face. “Do you believe me now?” When Alex nods the, still bleeding, guitarist feels relief wash over him. “Good! Because I already have your Christmas present and I literally know no one else who has the same taste that you have!” He actually manages to make Alex smile with his stupid comment, feeling like they might be okay again, he holds onto Alex’ sleeve, needing something to ground him, knowing that Alex is uncomfortable with public affection. He turns to Luke and Reggie who as soon as they have his attention try to bombard him with questions, but he stops them and promises to tell them later.

___

After the concert:

When they leave the venue, a wave of, for L.A. unusually cold air, hits Bobby’s face and clears his head a little, making it easier to think about everything that had happened. As he was the first one out of the four to step out in the cold air, he takes a deep breath before turning around to see the other three boys walk up to him. He notices that Alex pulls his jean jacket tighter around his body, clearly not enjoying the cold air as Bobby does. He smiles at Bobby and then follows Reg and Luke who started walking towards the side street where they parked the van before the concert. The two boys talk animatedly about the Green Days show, analysing every detail. Seeing one of their favourite bands live did distract the two enough for them to not ask any further questions, right now. Alex smile tells Bobby that the same did not count for the blonde boy. Bobby jogs up to Alex to walk beside him, but when he tries to initiate a conversation with his bandmate, the blonde just shakes his head and mumbles, that he has things to think, but as if to calm Bobby down, Alex takes his hand and squeezes it before they reach their van. The van they brought because they actually started to be able to book enough gigs to pay for it (and to actually need it), they all paid for it, even though they don’t talk about the fact that Bobby paid the biggest part, with him having the only parents who actually support the band.

Bobby is driving, with Alex in the passenger seat lost in his thoughts and Luke and Reggie in the back, trying to get Bobby to finally tell them about what happened at the venue. The guitarist promises to tell them as soon as they arrive at the garage, but despite the impatience from Luke and Reggie to find out about everything they still have a quick stop at a small diner on their way home to get their after-concert food.

Alex, Reggie and Luke all go straight for the couch while bobby prefers sitting on the floor, facing them. For a few seconds they all munch happily but soon Luke starts bugging Bobby about what happened at the club, so he puts his sandwich aside and takes a short breath. He doesn’t know where to start, he kind of wants Alex to know that he got the CD for him, but he doesn’t want to put any pressure on Alex, nor does he want the other two to find out about Alex liking boys before Alex wants them to.

“So,” Bobby starts, “we all really liked Pansy Division, right?” he asks with a nervous laugh tinting his words. He looks at the three boys on the couch for confirmation and gets it from two of the boys while Alex looks like he gets scared by the simple indication that he might have really liked the queer band they all saw tonight. Bobby acts like he didn’t see it while deciding, that he won’t tell the blond that Jon was hitting on him. That might be a bit much information for one night. “Well, I thought,” he continues while pulling out the CD he brought earlier “I’ll get us their CD.” He waves the CD then places it on the table in front of the couch so the guys can look at it.

“And that’s where I met one of the band members, Jon, he is the singer.” He looks up at his friends who all stare at him with a mixture of shock and curiosity on their faces, even Alex nervousness seems replaced. ‘I didn’t even get to the really shocking parts yet’, Bobby thought to himself.

“Okay, so we got talking, he found out I play in a band and when he asks for a name to use to sign the CD I just said Sunset Curve, because we always share records, like I mean I don’t even know who owns what anymore!” Luke looks dead serious while nodding his head, Alex starts smiling slightly and Reggie looks like he is trying really hard to separate their shared music collection in his head.

“Anyway, it turns out he saw one of our shows earlier this year and apparently, he was talking about one of our songs with Mike, but before you get too excited, I couldn’t ask him about it because that dick Andrew from my math class interrupted us. He called me a – eh, never mind” he stops himself, giving Alex a short glance – “he started calling me and Jon names and I kind of started making fun of him for using really outdated terms and when Jon laughed about that, Andrew hit him and then I hit Andrew and he hit me back and suddenly everything got crazy. Next thing I know is that I am behind the merch booth with Jon and Billie Joe Armstrong, and Andrew is being carried outside by security.” He tries to rush the words out fast enough so that Luke doesn’t stop him because of the band being recognised and Alex doesn’t stop him because he hit someone.

“And then Billie Joe finds out I am in Sunset Curve and he says something about it being good that more good people will keep the scene going or something and then he pretty much left to play the show and Jon gave me the CD and I went back to you guys so you wouldn’t worry too much.” When he finally finishes his story, he is staring at three really shocked looking faces.

“Mike Dirnt and Billie Joe both know of Sunset Curve?”

“Who knew Bobby is such a badass!”

“You hit Andrew?”

All three started talking at the same time, but then Alex stands up and he looks real mad and everyone else shuts up. Bobby looks at him. “Alex, I didn’t plan to, it just happened. I got so mad when he started calling Jon these awful names and when he hit him, I just snapped.”

“What about our no fighting rule, huh?”

“So, when someone is being super homophobic, I am just supposed to do nothing?”

At that moment Bobby realises that Alex didn’t process until now that Andrew was using homophobic slurs against Bobby and Jon. He sees Alex anger vanish from him in mere seconds, replaced by fear and sadness settling in his eyes. Lips pressed into a thin line Alex sits down on the couch again. It breaks Bobby’s heart to see his friend like this. They all stay silent for a while.

“What did he say?” Alex asks with a voice so quiet Bobby almost misses it.

“Alex,” he sighs, “I am pretty sure you don’t want to know!”

With that Alex's eyes, which were glued to his hands before, snap up and meet Bobby’s. “You know, don’t you?” Alex asks Bobby, seemingly completely forgetting that the other boys are in the room.

Bobby does not know what to answer, not wanting to make Alex come out because he feels like he has to, or because Bobby figured it out already. “I only know what you want me to know, everything else is just a hunch.” He finally settles on.

Alex laughs. “So, you definitely know, and I actually thought I was being subtle.”

“I still love you, you know that, right?” Bobby just needs Alex to know that. Even if this is a weird one, Bobby wants this to be the reaction Alex gets for his first coming out.

It takes Alex a few seconds but finally, he looks up again, searching Bobby’s face for any trace of him lying. As Alex realises that the boy in front of him means what he said he feels like the biggest wave of relief washes over him. This, black-haired, awkward and quiet boy in front of him, who buys CD’s from queer bands, punches one of his classmates because he was being a homophobic bigot to a complete stranger and whose first reaction to Alex half-assed coming out is to tell him that he still loves him. This boy, who is so uncomfortable with most people touching him, who still wants to hold all of their hands all the time, calling them grounding. This boy, who would probably punch more people to protect them because he gets crazy protective about the people he cares about. And suddenly it’s difficult not to start crying and Alex feels like his voice will break if he tries to talk so he just nods.

And in that second, knowing he has Bobby on his side for this, he decides that he wants them all to know. So, he gets up from the couch and “gets on the runway” as Luke likes to call Alex’ nervous walking occasionally. After walking up and down three times, he suddenly stops, turns to Luke and Reg who look super confused by what is happening and he blurts out “Iamgay” so fast that there was no way that any of the guys could’ve understood a single word. So, he takes a deep breath and repeats: “I am gay” while standing there, eyes closed, and breath held.

“Oh, that…” Luke starts, but he gets interrupted by Reggie who says: “That makes so much sense, that is why you were staring at Brian so much last year! That really confused me, man!”

“I was... I was not staring at Brian Denver!” Alex sputters embarrassment creeping in his cheeks.

“You totally were, you even knew who Reg was talking about right away!” Luke laughs and gets up to pull Alex in a big hug, squeezing him tight. Reggie gets a hold of them and pulls them down on the couch where he squeezes between them, and wooshes through Alex’ hair affectionately. Alex, now half sitting on the couch and half lying on Reggie looks up to Bobby, who stands awkwardly in front of the couch. As the other two notice Bobby as well they all kind of freeze in their cuddle pile. Even as Bobby was more comfortable touching his bandmates than he was with touching his parents, or literally anyone else, he still never expressed any interest in being part of a cuddle pile before. Seeing how all of his friends stopped as he approached, the guitarist started taking a step back, but Alex stopped him by holding out his hand for Bobby to take. It takes him a few seconds but finally, he lets himself being pulled on top of Alex into the cuddle pile and even though it feels strange at first he likes the feeling of Alex’ soft t-shirt under his cheek, Reggie’s arm around his waist and the smell of Luke’s cologne.

Later that night Bobby snatches a picture of his best friends still cuddling on the couch hours later, now all fast asleep. He hasn’t shown that picture to anyone except for his daughter when she finds out about the band 25 years later and he decides to tell her about the loves of his life, even if most people wouldn’t recognise them as it since it was purely platonic love. And even though he got married, he never loved anyone as much, with the exception of his daughter, as he loved the three boys who left him when he was just 17 years old.

The next day Bobby snatches a picture of Andrews black eye. He shows that picture to Billie Joe, backstage at an event he attempts without his best friends after the man recognises him as the kid with whom he punched a homophobe. After that Bobby leaves the event early, not being able to hold up the image of Trevor, too consumed by grieve and guilt. Guilt over not being able to protect them. Guilt over not dying with them. Guilt over using their songs.

#julie and the phantoms #sunset curve #fantoms #jatp #alex mercer #bobby/trevor wilson #this is a bobby friendly blog #green day #sunset curve loves green day #that should be canon #reggie peters #luke patterson #friendship fanfic #julie and the phantoms before canon #before canon #set in the 90s #dookie tour #idk if i am missing hashtags

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neo-shitty · 3 years

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toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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143-rememberthosedays · 5 years

Text

time is ticking away (and there are too many things i wanna say)

my entry for the b99 summer fic exchange, hosted by @b99fandomevents. written for @johnnydora (tumblr)/annamoon (ao3) who requested a jake x amy soulmate au

The clock didn’t stop. Oh god, Amy wished it would but it didn’t. She sat at her desk, staring at her medaillon. 8 days, 4 hours and 56 minutes left. The fucking medaillon had controlled her whole life, she had tried to respect it as much as possible and tried to find her soulmate before she ran out of time. She had tried everything: she had a live countdown on ClockMate, a platform where you could share your clock. The platform matched you with people who’s clocks ended around the same time as yours. Unfortunately, there were a lot of people on the planet and not everyone shared their clocks, so she’d had a hard time finding someone who could maybe be her soulmate. She was also on several dating apps, but all the guys she’d met up with had been creeps.

Last week the panic attacks started. She’d had several in the last few days. Only eight days left to find her soulmate. Only eight days to find that one person who was right for her. One person out of billions. And she only had eight days left before they would both die. The universe was a fucking asshole. She checked ClockMate again, hoping she would have new matches. Matches who didn’t live in France or didn’t know the difference between your and you’re. No new matches. Suddenly Gina was standing next to her.

‘What are you doing Santiago? That doesn’t look like police work.’

‘It’s not,’ Amy sighed, too sleep deprived to notice Gina’s mocking tone.

Gina gasped and whispered: ‘Have you become a bad girl, Santiago?’

‘I’m not in the mood for this Gina. Please leave me alone.’

‘Can’t. Captain said he wants to see you, something about a murder.’

‘Oh no! The strangling case! I completely forgot about that,’ Amy panicked.

‘What is going on with you lately? You’re doing stuff that isn’t work during your shift, you forget about your work and yesterday you forgot to capitalise your name in an email.’

Gina sounded genuinely concerned.

‘It’s this damn clock,’ Amy sighed, pointing at her medaillon. ‘It just keeps counting down.’

‘Isn’t that the whole point of it?’

‘I only have eight days left Gina.’

‘Oh damn. That sucks girl. Can I do anything to help you?’

‘Help me?’

Amy couldn’t hide her confusion. Did Gina Linetti, her coworker who constantly made fun of her, actually just offer to do something nice for her?

‘Yeah. I have a lot of followers, maybe they can help us find your soulmate.’

‘Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?’

‘Bitch, you might actually die in eight days. I might make fun of you a lot, but I don’t want you to die.’

‘I don’t know if you can actually help, Gina. I’ve tried everything.’

‘Have you seen a psychic yet?’

‘I’ve tried all rational things.’

‘Why don’t you give it a try? She told me I’d meet my soulmate someday and they’d have hair and look at me now.’

Gina had found her soulmate a few months ago with over a year to spare. So had Rosa. They have been together ever since. Amy doesn’t know how exactly it happened, Rosa refuses to tell them and Gina weirdly respects it.

‘I don’t know Gina. I just don’t think it would help me. I’d only waste more time.’

‘Your choice. Don’t forget to talk to the captain,’ she said and left.

Amy got up and walked into the captain’s office.

‘Ah, Santiago. Do you have an update on that murder I assigned you?’

‘I don’t, sir.’

‘And why is that?’

Amy sighed and let herself fall on his couch. She told him about her soulmate situation. Holt looked at her with a concerned look on his face.

‘Why don’t you take a few days off? It might help you with the search, you will not be wasting any more time. Diaz can take over your case when she comes back to work tomorrow.’

‘Thank you sir,’ Amy said, hurrying out of his office. She grabbed her stuff and walked towards the elevator. It dinged and the doors slid open, revealing Peralta inside.

‘Amy! Where are you going?’

‘Home.’

She pushed the button to close the elevator doors, leaving a very confused Jake behind.

‘What’s up with her? She never leaves work early,’ he asks Gina.

‘Holt sent her home.’

‘But why?’

‘I don’t know if I’m allowed to tell you this, but she has to find her soulmate.’

‘Why would you not be allowed to tell me? You’ve been saying she needs a boyfriend since the very first moment you met her.’

‘You don’t get it Jake. Her time is running out. If she doesn’t find her soulmate in, like, a week, she and her soulmate could die.’

‘Oh shit. That’s not good.’

‘What about your soulmate Jake? How much time do you have left?’

‘I don’t know actually.’

‘What do you mean you don’t know? Where’s your medaillon?’

‘I lost it a while ago, I have no idea when or where.’

‘Jake! That could be dangerous!’

‘Relax, when I lost it I still had about nine months left to find my soulmate.’

‘But you don’t know when you lost it, nine months is not a lot of time.’

‘Tell that to Sharon. Don’t you remember when she told us about how being pregnant with the twins was the longest time of her life? That was nine months too!’

‘Jake.’

It was only one word, but Jake heard a lot of other things than just his name in the way his childhood best friend said it. He heard the concern and frustration. He could tell Gina hated how nonchalant he was about the risk of dying somewhere in the near future.

‘Okay fine, I’ll try to find it.’

‘But how? You don’t remember when or where you lost it.’

‘I’m a detective Gina, I can solve a missing medaillon case.’

‘Sure you can,’ Gina said, rolling her eyes.

‘Yeah, it can’t be that hard. I hardly ever leave my house. I’ll just start looking for it there.’

‘Did you have a countdown on ClockMate?’

‘Nah, I actually forgot I had to find my soulmate before the clock ended. I guess I just thought they would find me.’

‘I’ll help you look for your medaillon. It could be at my place. Did you still have it after you moved?’

‘I don’t know. I think so, yeah.’

‘I’ll just double check for you.’

‘Thanks, Gines.’

‘Now go find your stupid medaillon, I don’t want you to die!’

Jake nodded and left the building. Gina rolled her eyes and knocked on Holt’s door.

‘Come in.’

‘Hey Cap, just came in to say Jake left. He forgot to tell you.’

‘Why did he leave? I did not give him permission.’

‘He’s trying to find his medaillon. He lost it a while ago and he has no idea when or where, but when he lost it he had about nine months left, so knowing Jake he now has about a week left, best case scenario a month, but I wouldn’t count on it.’

‘Thanks for telling me Gina. You may leave now.’

‘Didn’t need permission for that boo,’ Gina said as she closed the door again.

Amy was sitting on her couch with her laptop on her lap. She was texting all her matches on ClockMate, regardless of gender or distance. She had 8 days, 1 hour and 14 minutes left, so she had to try every option. She was desperate and she actually just wanted a friend by her side. She didn’t want to bother Kylie, because she was on a citytrip in Barcelona. Amy sighed and scrolled through the contacts on her phone. The first friend she saw was Diaz.

‘I could give it a try,’ she mumbled to herself and called Rosa.

‘What,’ Rosa asked, not even bothering to greet Amy first.

‘Rosa, it’s me, Amy.’

‘Yeah, I know. I saw the caller ID. What’s up?’

‘Are you doing anything right now?’

‘Not really, why?’

‘Could you please come to my place? I need your help.’

‘Did you finally snap and kill someone?’

‘What? No! Why would I?’

‘I don’t know, you could have. I’m on my way, I’ll be there in ten.’

Amy wanted to say goodbye, but Rosa had already hung up.

Ten minutes later, Amy’s doorbell rang. She went to open the door and saw Rosa. Without waiting for an invitation from Amy to come in, Rosa entered and threw her leather jacket over a chair.

‘So what’s wrong?’ she asked.

‘Do you want something to drink?’ Amy asked, trying to postpone the news. She wasn’t ready to share it yet. She had to get used to Rosa’s presence first.

‘Water is fine.’

Amy left to get a bottle of water from the fridge. When she came back, she saw Rosa sitting on her couch, feet up on the coffee table.

‘Here you go. Do you mind taking your feet of the table?’

‘I do, actually,’ Rosa said, but she put her feet back down anyway. ‘So what’s up? What did you need me for?’

Amy took a deep breath.

‘I might die in eight days. My clock is at 8 days and 54 minutes,’ she said, showing Rosa the medaillon.

‘Oh damn. That’s not good Santiago. But what can I do? I’m obviously not your soulmate.’

‘I know, but I just needed a friend,’ Amy said, looking down at her hands in her lap. She hoped Rosa wouldn’t get weird because Amy called her a friend. Rosa wasn’t good with emotions and Amy thought this might have been a bridge too far.

‘Oh. Okay.’

They sat in silence for a minute.

‘How did you know Gina was your soulmate?’ Amy asked.

Rosa seemed to consider whether or not she should tell Amy.

‘I’m only telling you this because it might help you figure things out, but if you ever tell anyone else I will kill you, understood?’

Amy nodded, slightly terrified.

‘I found an old bathroom in the precinct a few years ago. No-one used it, nobody even knew it was there. I made a few adjustments to make it functional again so I could have a place to get away from all you dum-dums. I kept it to myself for about two years, until Gina showed up to work sick. She had to puke, but as you know the ladies bathroom upstairs is nasty. I told her about my bathroom and took her there. She spent almost the whole day down there, I went in to check on her every few hours. At the end of the day I took her home and she told me the bathroom needed a name, so she had named it Babylon.’

‘I don’t really understand where you’re going with this Rosa,’ Amy said.

‘We started sharing Babylon, I made Gina swear to never tell anyone about it. She never did. One day, we were both there. Gina broke up with some boyfriend and she didn’t want to be alone. We just talked and talked and talked, and suddenly I realised I didn’t even mind talking about emotions with her. Gina must have seen the look on my face, because she kissed me. I panicked and left Babylon. On my way upstairs I noticed my clock had stopped counting down.’

‘Did you go back to Babylon to talk to Gina?’

‘Didn’t have to. She ran after me and kissed me again, she had also noticed her clock had stopped.’

‘That’s actually kinda cute. Who would have thought the badass Rosa Diaz was secretly a softie?’

‘One word about this and I will slit your throat.’

‘Sorry, I’ll shut up about it!’ Amy screeched. Rosa might be scary sometime, but Amy was glad she wanted to help her. Internally Amy was having a little party for being the first person to be able to uncover the story of how Rosa and Gina had found each other.

‘So, do you have any idea who your soulmate could be?’ Rosa asked, interrupting Amy’s train of thought.

‘No. I’ve been texting ClockMate matches all day, but nobody feels right.’

‘Have you ever considered the obvious?’

‘Huh?’

‘I don’t know. Peralta maybe? He’s the only one in the precinct apart from you who hasn’t found their soulmate yet. You get along pretty well.’

‘He is way to immature for me Rosa. He can’t even spell right and he’s so messy. How would that ever work?’

‘Dunno. Your head would probably explode. Would be fun to watch.’

‘It’s not him Rosa, I’m sure about that.’

‘So what else can we try? We could go to a bar, I’m sure four-drink Amy can find her soulmate.’

‘Rosa! This is serious!’

‘Do you have a better plan?’

Amy didn’t say anything. She hated to admit it, but right now Rosa’s idea was the best they could do.

As it turned out, four-drink Amy had a big mouth, but didn’t actually dare to do anything. Rosa tried encouraging her to talk to some hot dudes at the bar, but Amy just kept making comments about Rosa’s boobs and about how they should just make out. Rosa finally gave up, offering Amy her fifth drink. She was hoping maybe over-confident Amy would have the balls to actually talk to people other than Rosa herself. Amy seemed to have other plans, because she immediately downed a sixth shot, making her sad a few minutes later.

‘What if I don’t find my soulmate, Rosa?’

‘You will find them.’

‘But what if I don’t? I’m going to die Rosa. What if nobody shows up at my funeral?’

‘Amy, you are not going to die.’

‘How can you be sure about that?’

‘I’m gonna be honest with you: I can’t be sure. But something tells me you’ll find them. I’ll help you. Now come on, let’s get you home, sad Amy is not gonna find her soulmate here.’

Rosa paid for their drinks and helped Amy to go outside. She called an Uber and a few minutes later it arrived. She and Amy got in. Rosa gave the driver Amy’s adress and when they got there, she paid and took Amy inside. After that, she walked to Gina’s apartment.

‘Hey babe, I’m home!’ she yelled as she unlocked the door.

‘I’m in the bedroom!’ Gina yelled back.

Rosa walked over there and was shocked about what she saw for a moment.

‘G, what is this mess?’

The entire floor and the bed were covered in clothes, shoes and other stuff, like books and all 12 of Gina’s phone chargers.

‘Jake told me he lost his medaillon a while ago today. He doesn’t know when or where he last had it, but he had about nine months left when he lost it.’

‘And knowing Jake that means he only has about a month left now,’ Rosa filled in the blanks. ‘But why are you looking for it here?’

‘He might have left it behind when we switched apartments. You know how messy he is.’

‘Where have you not looked yet? I’ll help you.’

‘This is the last place. I’m actually cleaning up already, I didn’t find it,’ Gina sighed.

‘I’ll help you clean up then.’

They put everything back in place, both not saying anything. They were both worried about their friends. When everything was semi-cleaned up again, they switched into their pajamas and crawled in bed. Gina pressed herself against Rosa’s body and Rosa put her arms around her.

‘They’re gonna be fine, right?’ Gina asked.

‘Ofcourse they are. We’re gonna find Jake’s medaillon and Amy is gonna find some nerd she actually likes.’

‘Should we try setting them up on a date?’

‘I tried telling Amy she should keep Jake in mind, but she said he was too messy and immature for her.’

‘I mean, she’s not wrong. Jake is a literal child and the complete opposite of Amy, but they make a great team. When they work a case together they always seem to have fun and still remain professional.’

‘Damn babe, I didn’t know you were that invested in them.’

Gina softly slapped Rosa, as far as that was possible, seeing how Rosa was behind her and the were cuddling.

‘I’m not. I’m just looking out for Jake. He once told me he had a crush on Amy and I saw Amy double tuck on the security footage after Jake made a joke or something. I don’t really remember. They’re madly in love with each other and I’m actually pretty sure they’re soulmates, but we have to find Jakes medaillon to prove it or they’ll never believe it themselves.’

‘I’ll look for it at work tomorrow. Maybe you can go help Jake?’

‘I don’t think Holt will appreciate me not showing up to work.’

‘I’ll make up an excuse for you, Jake’s life is more important than your job.’

‘You make a very good point. Just tell Holt I’m on my period and my cramps are killing me. He’ll be too uncomfortable to question it.’

Rosa laughed.

‘You’re cute Rosie.’

‘You too,’ Rosa said, kissing Gina’s neck. ‘But I have to work tomorrow, so can we actually sleep now?’

Rosa felt Gina nod and switched off the light. She pressed one more kiss on Gina’s lips and then she closed her eyes.

The next day, Gina showed up at Jake’s apartment at 9 a.m.

‘Gines? What are you doing here this early?’ he asked.

He was still in his pajamas and looked like Gina had woken him up by ringing the doorbell.

‘I’m here to help you. We need to find your soulmate.’

‘I already told you I still have plenty of time. I can find the stupid medaillon on my own.’

‘You’re just in a bad mood because I woke you up early.’

‘Uh, yeah. Why are you not in a bad mood? You’re not supposed to be a morning person.’

‘What are you gonna do, sue me for being happy in the morning?’

‘If I could, I would. You are never this happy in the morning.’

‘Rosa made me blueberry pancakes for breakfast. Don’t tell her I told you though. Now chop-chop, get dressed! We’re gonna find your medaillon!’

Jake groaned and walked into the bathroom to shower and get dressed, while Gina made him breakfast. Jake didn’t have a lot of stuff left in his fridge, so Gina just made him scrambled eggs and toast.

After breakfast, they started their search.

‘Where did you already check?’ Gina asked.

‘I didn’t check anything yet. As I said, I still have a lot of time.’

‘Jake, stop saying that. I’m pretty sure you only have one week left.’

‘Why would you think that?’

‘Because Amy only has one week left and you dumbasses are in love.’

‘Amy and me? You’re crazy! There’s no way the universe thinks we’re perfect for each other. We’re too different.’

‘Have you seen Rosa and me? Yeah sure, we’re both stunning, stone-cold bitches, but she’s super secretive and I’m an open book.’

‘But you two are still pretty similar. Amy and I have nothing in common.’

Gina was getting annoyed. How did Jake not see this? It wasn’t rocket science, everyone could see they were head over heels in love with each other, except them.

‘Uh, you’re both detectives. And also, who gives a shit about being similar? Don’t you remember that night we were watching “A Good Day to Die Hard” here and you actually started crying because you loved Amy so much?’

‘In my defense, I was drunk. I can’t control my emotions when I’m drunk, you know this.’

‘Yes. Which is exactly why I’m convinced you love her. Drunk people say what sober people are afraid to say. Face it Jake. You love her.’

‘So what if I would? I’m still saying it’s not true by the way, you’re out of your mind. She wouldn’t love me, her medaillon is still counting down.’

Gina sighed loudly.

‘Because you dumasses don’t realise you’re made for each other!’

‘Can we just start looking for this stupid medaillon? I don’t want to talk about this anymore.’

‘Fine. I’ll look in the living room, you take the bedroom. Be thorough.’

Jake walked away without saying anything. Truth was he actually thought he might be in love Amy, he just didn’t want to accept it. He didn’t want to fall in love only to realise he’s not Amy’s soulmate. This is also why he “lost” his medaillon. He couldn’t care less about it. If Amy was his soulmate, she’d be able to find him. If Amy wasn’t his soulmate, Jake didn’t really care about dying. It sounded dark, even to himself. He was just so stupidly, madly in love with his coworker and he didn’t want anyone to know.

Jake kneeled in front of his closet and took out a Die Hard VHS tape. Inside the box, he saw his medaillon. The clock was at 7 days, 11 hours and 31 minutes. He just sat on the floor, staring at it for a while. He saw how the minutes changed. Time was ticking, slowly but surely.

‘I can’t find anything in the living room,’ Gina said as she walked in the bedroom.

Jake jumped and quickly hid the medaillon.

‘Did you find anything here?’

‘Nope. Nope, nothing. Just some old Die Hard VHS I had forgotten about.’

‘I’m gonna go check the bathroom, you keep looking.’

Jake nodded and waited for Gina to leave the room again. Once she had disappeared, he looked at his clock again. 7 days, 11 hours and 17 minutes. He contemplated whether or not he should shoot his shot with Amy. He’d given her lots of signs that he liked her, but she didn’t seem to have picked up on any of them. Maybe she just didn’t want to, she could be ignoring them on purpose. Jake was just Jake after all. They were just too different. But then again, he didn’t want to die without at least telling Amy about his feelings. He had nothing to lose: if she said no, he’d die soon anyway.

‘Gines? I’ve got it.’

‘You do?’ Gina yelled, while storming into the bedroom.

‘Yeah, here.’

Jake held up the medaillon so Gina could see it.

‘How much time do you have left?’

‘I’d rather not tell you. I’ve decided I’m gonna tell Amy I like her. Like, like her like her. After that I’ll tell you. I just have to do this first.’

‘Okay. Should I give you a ride?’

‘No, I’ll just walk. I need to clear my head and figure out what to say.’

‘Okay. I’m just gonna go home then, if you need me, you know where to find me.’

‘Thanks Gina.’

Jake walked over to Gina and hugged her. It took Gina by surprise, but she hugged him back almost immediately. They said goodbye and left Jakes place, each headed in their own direction. Before getting in her car, Gina texted Rosa to tell her Jake had found his medaillon, so she could stop looking for it at the precinct.

While he was walking, Jake tried to think of ways to tell Amy he loved her without sounding stupid. He was quietly muttering to himself the whole time, which made other pedestrians look at him like he was crazy, but Jake couldn’t care less. He only had seven days left and he had to shoot his shot. It might actually save his life. After a 30-minute walk, he arrived at Amy’s apartment. She didn’t immediately answer the door after he rang the doorbell and Jake was worried she wouldn’t be home.

‘Jake? What are you doing here?’

Jake was pulled out of his own head by Amy’s voice.

‘Oh, hi Amy. Can I come in?’

Amy stepped aside so Jake could enter her apartment. He hung his jacket over a coat hanger and walked into the living room.

‘What’s up Jake? You look worried.’

‘Come sit with me,’ he demanded.

Amy went to sit on the opposite side of the couch, looking at him expectantly. Her laptop was still on the coffee table with the ClockMate webpage open.

‘I know this is not the right time because you’re looking for your soulmate and all that, but I have to tell you this or I’ll never forgive myself. I kinda wish something could happen between us. Romantic stylez. And I know you want to find your soulmate and that can’t be me because we’re too different, but I just wanted you to know.’

‘Jake—’

‘I’m sorry for bothering you Amy.’

‘I just need a moment to think about all this. I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, Jake.’

‘It’s fine. I’ll just— I’ll just go home.’

Amy nodded. Jake got up and let himself out, Amy just sat on her couch, blankly staring at a wall. She didn’t know about Jake’s feelings, but looking back she should have figured it out a long time ago. All the flirty teasing, the way he always volunteered when she needed a partner for whatever thing she was gonna do, the time she called him in the middle of the night because she had a panic attack over never finding her soulmate and he showed up at her door almost immediately. She should have known. She felt so damn dumb. Dumb for not noticing, but also dumb for sending Jake away. Dumb for not telling him she loved him too. She had never admitted it before, but she did love him. She just didn’t want to start something she couldn’t finish. He couldn’t be her soulmate and they both knew it.

Amy walked into the kitchen to get a glass of wine. She needed a distraction. Right before pouring a glass, she changed her mind and went for iced tea instead. Amy looked at her medaillon. 7 days, 10 hours and 9 minutes. She sighed, walked over to the couch and continued texting more matches. Her time was running out and this was all she could do. After a few minutes, her mind started wandering off again.

‘If only one of them was Jake…’ she whispered to herself. She didn’t even notice what she was thinking until it actually left her mouth. It shocked her. She grabbed her phone and tried calling Jake, but it went straight to voicemail. Then she tried calling Gina, maybe she knew where Jake was.

‘Who dis?’

‘Gina, it’s me, Amy!’

‘What’s up girl?’

‘I can’t reach Jake, he’s not picking up his phone and I need him!’

‘He was here a few minutes ago, but he ran out. He said something about his soulmate, I didn’t really understand what he was saying.’

‘Oh, okay,’ Amy felt her heart sinking in her chest. ‘Thanks Gina.’

‘No problem girl. Bye!’

Gina hung up the phone, leaving Amy alone, feeling like she wanted to die. If Jake left in such a hurry and screamed something about a soulmate, he had probably figured out who it was. The hurt feeling she was experiencing right now was exactly the reason she didn’t want to fall for him in the first place. She jumped at the sound of her doorbell. Confused about who it could be, she went to open the door. She was even more confused when she saw Jake standing on the other side of the door, out of breath as if he just ran a marathon.

‘Wha—’

‘It’s you!’ he said, still trying to catch his breath.

‘What is me?’

‘My soulmate! It’s you!’

‘Huh?’

‘After I left, I checked my clock. 7 days, 10 hours and 9 minutes. I didn’t want to be alone so I went to Gina’s apartment. I promised her I would tell her how much time I had left after I told you about my feelings. When I showed her the clock, it was still at 7 days, 10 hours and 9 minutes.’

Amy was in shock. She looked at her own medaillon, which showed her exactly the same time as Jake’s.

‘It’s you,’ she whispered.

‘Ames, if you don’t mind, I’m going to kiss you now. I’ve waited for this for such a long time and I can’t handle it anymore.’

‘I don’t mind,’ Amy smiled, gently placing her lips on Jake’s.

#b99 summer 2019 fic exchange #b99fandomevents #fanfic

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mintemps · 6 years

Text

unloved letters | pjm

pairing :: park jimin / reader

genre :: break up!au, angst

word count :: 3.2k

note :: this is the first time i’m posting a fic on this site and it’s my first story i’ve ever written in years (since c. 2014/15?), so please let me know what you think! this story was inspired by Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler and Maira Kalman and i recommend it if you haven’t heard of it before 💕

You sat at the edge of your bed, somewhat overwhelmed. Thoughts teetered on a thin string of happiness and apprehension. Fond memories turned into shadows of a distant stranger, a bittersweet heaviness creates its home in your chest. Fumbling with ripped notebook pages, you decide that one more thorough read of the scrawled blue ink would be enough.

Hey love,

Dear Jimin,

It’s been months since things ended between us and by the time that you open this letter I would have already left for Busan. You’ve probably picked up the cardboard box I’ve mailed this letter with, its contents softly rattling as you take it into your home; you’ll find bits and pieces of the relationship we shared for the past few years in it and although I’m thankful for the rollercoaster memories they contain, I decided it best to return them to you instead.

Maybe by the time this gets to you, you’re already at the studio while Hoseok brings this pathetic box in for you. He’ll probably be confused, thinking it’s some weird gift from a fan instead and will debate whether it should just be thrown away before setting it on your kitchen counter. You will possibly get this box at the worst of times, maybe right before your world tour begins and have our memories you’ve suppressed into nothingness crash into you like violent waves meeting shore time and time again, abruptly just as you had ended things months ago. You told me things would be okay but you

The dull thud of this box as its dropped from the front of your doorstep, to your counter, and hopefully right into your room, is for you. As much as you would like to avoid the repercussions of what had happened, the thud serves as a reminder that there is so much more for you to unpack than meekly accepting that your heart is broken. Namjoon and Hoseok still check up on me like you should have been doing, but instead you decided it best to disappear, didn’t you?

You were one of my only lifelines in Seoul and now it feels odd to find home in a city where all you could think about is where things had gone wrong. The dregs of our relationship come to follow me wherever I go, and it hurts knowing that these memories replay without you by my side. It makes me wonder if you’ve been suffering as much as I have. It had been isolating to feel so assured that you were going to come back, at least in some way, yet it’s like you never existed instead. As if the moments stretched between us have stretched itself to nothingness, years turned into paper-thin fibres. The time I fell in love with this city was the time I fell in love with you, and I remember clutching your hand with anxiety bubbling in my chest, white noise ringing in my ears, as we took the train to Seoul for the first time together. Jimin, you have come so far from where you began. Didn’t I tell you that you deserved better than what home offered you?

At your place back in Busan, you stared at me in the middle of your room, “I’m so nervous, but you have them printed out right?”

“Yeah I do,” I laughed a bit and waved the freshly printed train tickets in front of you. You were almost entirely swallowed by your black hoodie, snapback slightly off, but were too busy frantically running around your room, looking for your phone and ID.

Then you stared at the papers I had in my hand, almost boring holes into them.

“I’m so nervous.” We weren’t even at the station yet.

“Clearly.”

“Wait, aren’t you nervous too?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to freak you out more.”

“HEY IT’S NOT THAT BAD.” You were always such a whiny baby, but that didn’t help my lame attempt of suppressed laughter.

“Whatever you say.” Then you gave me that annoyed look, but you still took my hand when we got to the station. Our parents wished us luck, that they would visit if we were both successful… And sometime after, they did.

As we were approaching Seoul, you squeezed my hand tighter. I had the window seat, but I looked up at you, “I think you’ll be okay… You know you can do it, I know you can do it—you deserve it more than anyone I know.”

“I guess, but I just wish I could audition with you or be there, you know?” You tell me, saying it as your thumb grazes my hand a bit more fondly. It was oddly quiet, almost like we were the only ones there.

“Me too, but just know you’ll make it… I just know you will. Hopefully I make it, too.”

Then you didn’t hesitate to correct me, without skipping a beat—“You? Not making it? Doubt it. You were recommended for a reason.”

“But this is the National Company! I don’t even know if I’ve prepared enough. Well anyway, this was recommended for you too.” Then you shook your head, almost like you were shrugging the doubts off my shoulders and smiled at me, eyes crinkling to small moons, like they always did. The ticket is here for you now. You can’t use it to take you back to that time or back home, but I can leave it here to remind you where you came from.

The pitter-patter of the rain can’t help but make me smile right now—you did it. It’s a cold comfort, somewhat literal, as the breeze blankets me into a now-familiar embrace. It used to be your arms instead, enveloping me in your warmth and kissing away the tears and the fears that plagued my mind. Loving crescent-like shapes replaced by the cold distance of the night sky’s.

It reminds me of the first few times you began to leave Korea for tours. Although you told me I could’ve gone with you, I couldn’t leave in the midst of rehearsals for our showcase at the National Company. They made me one of their grand soloists that year, perfecting my routine was a priority and it made me wish you were there with me or that I was there with you… somehow. The brief phone calls and the oddly timed ones (thanks time zones) weren’t enough sometimes. Staying up wearing one of your shirts on a video call wasn’t enough sometimes. And somehow, we made it work… We caught up whenever you were back home, times where you’d surprise me during rehearsal or asking me to lunch when I thought you’d still be someplace else. Nights where we would stay up, talking about the things we missed while watching a movie in your room or mine; days where things would get serious and doubts began to cloud our conversations, concluded with tears being wiped by the other; comforting words and gestures.

The longer time we held on, the less time we had for each other. The more success we found in our respective fields, the less present we were for each other. Comfortable silence began to ebb away and replace itself with hesitant touches and calculated movements. We tiptoed around each other’s feelings rather than holding each other through the tears. We made it work, we tried to make it work, and then it didn’t. So, here’s your shirt back.

It used to be a thin veil of cotton comfort, casing me in its threads while you were gone. Then as time passed, it didn’t feel right anymore, like it wasn’t sufficient enough to sew the loosened ends of the uncertainties that came with this relationship. I love you no less, but it made me question if it was worth it, and I know at some point you felt it too.

Maybe it was my mistake being someone in a city too big to shelter their being, who knew absolutely nothing but the comfort from your smile, the seclusion of mirrored walls and the too-bright lights illuminating the too-big stage. It consumed me in its vastness, swallowing me up before I could take the last few steps to exit their expanse. Perhaps we were just love that had gone cold, too comfortable and too afraid to address how things were falling apart in front of us. I want to apologise for the things the boys had to go through, picking up the pieces that you should have been picking up after leaving me without explanation, but why should I apologise on your behalf anymore?

On that same thought, why should I keep these? Each photo you find in this box feels ten times heavier now that they’re memories I don’t want to remember. From the photos we shared at my first showcase, to yours, to our group photos when we still performed together, and the album of polaroids I started with you after our first anniversary… I shouldn’t keep these, but I didn’t have the heart to throw them away.

“Y/N! Do you want to go to the amusement park with us today?” Taehyung had asked me. We were all trainees back then so we couldn’t stay too long. We took too many photos at the photo booth together though, ones of just us and ones with everyone else too. Dahae and Jiyoung were there to keep me company whenever the girls and the boys split up. I remember leaving with them before you because we had training earlier than you did, I also remember we couldn’t hold hands because your company was already starting to promote Bangtan through social media. They didn’t exactly know about me either, so by the time I showed up backstage for your debut showcase, they thought I was some family member, a cousin maybe? Well, until you kissed me in front of everyone else in the room… yeah, that didn’t add up huh? Thanks for being subtle, babe.

I hope you remember each memory, each photo in detail. Knowing you, you probably do. I know I couldn’t forget them for a reason either.

When times were rough, you had told me that we were pulling a 70-30; that I had to try harder than what I was capable of rather than understanding what I was going through. You disguised it as communication, rather than admitting to yourself that it was a roundabout way of telling me you wanted to end things. You began to believe that you were the only one who bore the weight of our problems, but I was with you with every step of the way, even when the distance and the hours between us had to fluctuate as Bangtan began to reach heights unimagined. Maybe we were both too stubborn to let each other go… because we both knew what we had to do. It was time to let go.

Your hand had held mine then, guiding it in your so-called expertise. The arcade lights were full of life. It felt unreal to be with you then, brimming with laughter, giddy with nervousness but surrounded by a silence that only existed in the world we created together.

Our face masks were on, but for a brief second, you had kissed my forehead without it. Success from what seemed like the tenth or eleventh attempt for the small plushie, “I told you I was a pro.”

I raised my eyebrow, laughing, “What type of pro has to try more than ten times to win?”

“Hey, practise makes perfect.”

“Sure thing, buddy.”

“I don’t know who that is and whose plushie that is but from what I know it isn’t yours anymore.”

“Really?” I rolled my eyes, you were so petty. “Hmm, babe? Does that sound better?”

“Yep.” You passed the small bear to me, holding my hand until we left the arcade and its silence.

I’m letting you go. Just like the claw finally loosened its hold from the prize, after what seems like the tenth try, it’s time. It’s only fair, the world’s equilibrium once shifted, and now it’s reclaiming itself, slowly falling back into its place.

I never want to be the person in the way of you achieving what you’ve deserved all your life, that would be hypocritical of me, wouldn’t it? But as the time rolled onwards, I faded into the background as your spotlight began to shine brighter. I never imagined being that disposable to you.

Disposable like how you threw away bus and movie tickets we’ve had over the years from our dates. Maybe my sentimental ass just thought it would be a great idea to hoard them to look back together, but that isn’t an option anymore. I kept all of mine anyway, except for ones that flew away in the chill of autumn winds; ones that have made themselves a part of the streets we’ve walked together. Somewhere their remnants are there, someplace else they’re no longer in existence, just like what we have now.

At least the boys had the decency to call me while I was alone in Seoul and all I got from you was half-assed updates via Kakao Talk. Tour was hard, you told me you needed space and I gave you that. You and Hoseok had death threats sprout out of nowhere during the tour, you stopped answering my FaceTime calls during that time… was it unreasonable for me to be scared?

“Dahae, he’s not picking up.”

“Y/N, he’s probably tired… didn’t you talk last night?”

“No. That was Tae, and with all of these death threats I’m seeing I can’t help but get worried? I don’t know, I know he’s probably safe, but I miss him, and we just don’t talk anymore.”

“Long distance is hard, you both knew that it was going to happen.”

“And we’ve been okay for years… but that’s the thing, you know? We’re just okay? Like it’s just mundane or weird now, sometimes I even question if he still wants to be with me. It’s like he’s just saying we’re still together because it’s what’s familiar.”

“Well, do you still love him?”

“Is that even a question? Of course, I do. It just makes me wonder if he still does if he doesn’t even want to talk to me.”

“Hmm, I don’t know Y/N. It seems like you know what you have to do.”

I didn’t even know you were back in Korea that week until Jungkook had asked to get food with me. You barely responded to any of our messages and Jungkook said he barely saw you around, maybe it was paranoia and the insecurities starting to creep up on me, but wouldn’t that seem odd to you, too? The next time we saw each other, it was by accident, I was talking to Taehyung about us and you had walked in the middle of our conversation.

The tension in the room was indescribable, then pent-up frustration and anger bubbled in my chest, “How do you feel about us?” It made me feel so small and vulnerable to ask you, I felt like my paranoia was something that should have been blamed on me for not being enough.

A screaming spree cut through the air. Yoongi had to calm us down, either for our benefit or for his, to continue sleeping, I’m not sure, but I can tell you with 100% assurance that the argument only made me feel like shit and that all we had going for us was going to shit.

A couple of days after, you had gone to the dance studio, we talked through what happened and it alleviated some of the strain. You gave me my own Chimmy, another item you said was to keep me company while you were away. You told me to keep him so that I remember that you were there with me, but were you? Is that what 70-30 looked like to you?

It was in bold red letters in front of us, Jimin.

I’ve spent these last few months wallowing and hollowing myself out because of the isolation. You did nothing to alleviate that pain, rather you perpetuated it. You lied to me. You ended things without explanation, you told me we were going to maintain some semblance of our relationship. You told me you would stay. Attached to my side for a month and then disappeared, this wasn’t what your promise meant. When you gave me your promise to wear those years ago, it was concrete and assuring. A simple band that reminded me daily what we had was worth it all, but I’m done blaming all of this on myself. I’m done justifying it with a promise you failed to keep, a lie wrapped around our fingers.

Dahae and everyone else in the company had seen it happen in snippets, and they told me I deserved better, but how could I believe that when all I knew was you? When our anniversary passed a couple of weeks ago, I shoved all these souvenirs into the cardboard box in front of you now and have shipped it your way. Feel its immensity and its weight. This is what I’ve been carrying without you. How much weight has landed itself onto your shoulders since you left? Or have you passed it onto Taehyung and Jungkook, like you usually do? The necklace you gave me for my birthday is in there too. I couldn’t keep it when its chain kept searing itself into my skin, reminding me of things that were no longer true.

There’s only so much to performing that keeps me going. There’s only so much to staring at mirrored walls all day, dancing until you feel the callouses that have formed over the years thicken more under the repeated pressure. You know how it feels to stare at mirrored walls, to see your own reflection distort in front of you. I felt it too. I began to dim, I began to believe I could only reflect the light that you radiated, but now it’s time to let go because I’m realising my worth. We shone together, we shared the stage, and although stage lights still consume us in different places at different times, I saw myself stumbling more. It was gone, the flame within me began to die out. But it was a part of us, dancing made us love. It was something we shared. As your fame began to skyrocket, the dynamic between us only began to slow down until it ceased to exist.

So here I am, word vomiting onto these pages for you. Beginning with your confession letter and it’s in there too. This is it, the last thing you’ll hear from me because I’m going back to where it all began. Memories that plague me, ones of us from back home, I’m replacing them and moving forward, now truly accepting that you’re gone, and you don’t care. You stopped, and I don’t want to beg anymore. I don’t want to be miserable any longer because I deserve better than what you put me through.

Good luck, I love you. You know where to find me, but you won’t need it.

Y/N

#park jimin #jimin #mintemps #bts #jimin scenario #jimin x reader #jimin x you #jimin angst #park jimin scenario #bts scenario #bts angst #rev writes #im emo n my heart is broke wow #also rip @ mobile users im so sorry like read more isnt working there???#jimin fanfiction #park jimin fanfiction #bts fanfiction #bts x reader

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sergeant-fluffer · 6 years

Note

The softest, fluffiest, cavity inducing fic ever to be written for Sommercy/Life Hacks. I'll pay you in my eternal love and support if this is done. My ship is underrated (':

Oh bet?? I LOVE Sommercy, you’ve come to the right place my friend..

Mercy waved happily to the guards standing outside the overwatch base, and sauntered away, heading into town. She hated having to meet her girlfriend like this, but some things like this were necessary, when you’re having relations with someone on the enemy team, you’re practically both traitors. If only being traitors didn’t have such an appeal, a hacking, purple appeal to be exact.

Angela smiled at the thought of seeing her love again, she always felt so giddy, like a teenager again when they were together, she held a hand to her mouth to try and cover her wide smile. She walked into a store and into the bathroom, reaching into the bag she was carrying to get a change of clothing, out of the doctor attire and into more casual attire. She changed into a grey turtleneck and black jeans, letting her hair down and putting a beret on. Angela hastily pressed her work clothes into her bag and left the store, heading towards a slightly run down motel. When she arrived, she was greeted by a manager at the front desk.

“Angie! So good to see you again!” The woman said cheerfully. “Same room?” “Yes please Liz, that would be lovely.” Mercy walked over to the desk and placed $150 on it. “Keep the change Lizzy, you deserve it.” She said with a smile.“Bless you Angela, enjoy your stay.”

Angela smiled and took the key from the manager, finding her way into the room, many memories had made their way into this small little room, Mercy could swear it even smelled like Sombra at this point. She let out a small sigh at the fact that her girlfriend STILL wasn’t here yet.

“Late as always Olivia.”

Mercy sat down on the one armchair that resided in the room, she lounged on it and eventually dozed off.

Around 20 minutes passed, and Sombra finally arrived, making her way into the room, and noticing the sleeping Mercy on the chair. She stopped and stared for a moment, admiring the angelic figure before her, pure beauty had never been seen before until Sombra met Mercy, and she fell, HARD.

Olivia finally stepped towards the sleeping woman, and began to litter her face with kisses, leaving small purple lipstick imprints all over her features. Mercy just pulled her arms up to cover her face and began to giggle.

“Y-You know everytime you do that I hehe.. I have to wash the lipstick off my face, right?” Mercy said, lowering her arms.“I can’t help it ángel! You are just too cute miel..” Sombra said in a snarky tone.“Well now I have to spend an extra 10 minutes wiping lipstick off before we can actually go on a date.” Angela said with a laugh.“How about I give you a little more to wipe off?” Sombra flirted.“Oh?”

Olivia smiled and placed her index finger under Angela’s chin, and placed her thumb on top of her chin, leaning in and kissing her gently, Angela kissed back, and then began to smile again.

“You are incredibly cute Olivia.”“Yeah, coming from the literal ANGEL, you’re the cute one miel, I can barely keep my hands off you.” She leaned in and kissed her again.

Mercy’s cheeks flushed, and she hid her face in her hands.

“I need to wash off this lipstick now.” She said, standing up from her chair, Sombra giving a hand in lifting her up.

Angela walked over to the bathroom and grabbed a rag, gently washing away the purple markings left on her face. Sombra began to strip down to change into casual clothes as well. Mercy peeked over at Olivia while she was changing, and then quickly looked back in the mirror, her face flushed.

Sombra noticed this, and walked over to Mercy in just her underwear.

“You know you’re allowed to look at me ángel, right?” Sombra said slyly, wrapping an arm around Mercy’s waist.

Mercy just looked away, continuing to wipe her face.

“Right, ángel?” Sombra repeated.

“Can I be honest with you Olivia?”

“¿Qué tal?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been quite so in love with someone liebe, I get so nervous, so many butterflies when you are near, sometimes it’s easy to forget how long we’ve been together because of how childish I still feel about your affection. I love you, Olivia.” Angela said, placing a kiss on her lover’s forehead.

Sombra placed both her hands over her mouth as the colour in her face deepened. “I could marry you right now Angela, I swear.”

“If only we could meine geliebte.”

Sombra frowned, walking into the other room to change into her outfit for the day, she finished changing, and Mercy walked out of the bathroom. As soon as she did, Sombra quickly wrapped her arms around Mercy again.

“Sombra?” “What’s stopping us?”“What do you mean?”“What’s stopping us from just leaving and getting married? Why can’t we just run from all this shit and just have each other?”

Mercy paused briefly, speaking up again shorty after.

“Talon might have you killed, and Overwatch would arrest me for treason.”

Angela lifted a hand to scratch her own head, and then placed her other hand on Olivia’s.

“Then.. Then I’ll join Overwatch! I barely exist already, do you really think Talon would be able to find me if I just.. Erased myself?” “Maybe, maybe not, but that still leaves the entire “Joining Overwatch” part Olivia. You ARE a part of Talon, it would take some serious time and reasoning to convince everyone there.”“I’d probably have to be a rat, you’re right.. But..”“But?”“I just know I’d do anything to be with you Angela.”

Angela began to tear up, and tightly wrapped her arms around Olivia, placing her chin on Sombra’s head.

“Ich liebe dich.. Meine geliebte.. Ich liebe dich über alles.” “H-Hey come on now Angela.. Don’t start, you know I will t-too.” She said, choking back tears.“I will do everything I can to ensure your safety meine geliebte, I promise.”“I promise the same for you, mi amor.”

Angela let go of Olivia, and she did the same, Mercy walked over to the door and looked out of the peephole just out of curiosity, and then waltzed back, sitting on the bed, Sombra took a seat next to her, laying her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“Most of the people have already left the base, but Jack should still be there, we can go talk to him privately, and try to convince him to let you into Overwatch.” She paused. “But please, Olivia, try not to be rude or snarky, Jack will take that as a sign of insecurity and will be less likely to trust you. “Oh pobrecita, Jacky Morrison can’t take a little joke?”“I’m serious Olivia, if we’re serious about this.. I just want to ensure you DO get into Overwatch, we HAVE taken in criminals before, but never quite like this, so please, just stay with me and do as I say.”“Okay Angela, lighten up a little, I know I know this is serious, but right now it’s just you and me, I just want to enjoy these moments while I can, because I am assuming that they WILL detain me in the base?”

Mercy gave a small sigh, and leaned into her girlfriend.

“Maybe, but I will do everything I can to make sure it doesn’t stay that way.”“You’d better.” Sombra said, reaching up to boop the nose of her lover.“We should go before it gets too late and Jack leaves.”“Okay, lead the way Angela.”

Sombra and Mercy held hands and walked towards the Overwatch base, when they got near the base, Sombra went invisible and followed closely behind Mercy. She walked up the the guards stationed outside and gave them a wave and a smile.

“Back again Miss Ziegler?” One of the guards chimed in.“Yes, I still have patients and work I need to attend to, but even doctors need breaks.”“I understand Miss Ziegler.” He said with a smile, as she handed him her ID card, and walked inside.

The two walked deeper inside, and Sombra unstealthed with a sigh. Mercy just leaned in and kissed her girlfriend’s cheek, when Sombra went to do the same, Angela stopped her with a hand.

“Lipstick, Olivia.”“Dammit, you’re right.”

Angela gave a small giggle and walked towards Jack Morrison’s office. When she reached his office, she gave a gentle knock and turned to Sombra.

“Wait here until I come get you okay? If someone comes, stealth.”“Got you.”

Mercy opened the door and walked inside to see Jack hunched over his desk, she walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you feeling alright Jack?” She said with a smile.Jack leaned up from his desk and turned his chair around. “Ah, Dr. Ziegler, you’re back sooner than I expected. Yeah I’m fine, just tired.”“Having trouble sleeping again?”“Yeah, it’s no big deal though.“Mm. Jack listen, I have something important we need to talk about.”“What do you mean Angela?”“I’ve brought someone here, someone very special to me, someone hoping to take refuge here, and I needed to come to you about it first.”“You don’t always have to come directly to me for new recruits Doctor, you can-”“Jack, this case is special, she’s..”“She?”“Yes, she.” “Huh, I never took you for the type Angela.”“Besides the point Jack, she’s.. From Talon.”

Jack’s eyes widened and his mouth slightly agape, he furrowed his brows.

“You brought someone from Talon here? Are you crazy?! She could tear us apart from the inside out!”“It’s not like that Jack! She’s different! We’ve.. We’ve been together almost 2 years now.”“2 years?! Angela are you insane?! How much information has she fed to Talon?!”“Nothing Jack! You’re not listening to me! She’s WILLINGLY fed personal Talon information to me to show her trust in me. If anything, she’s in deeper shit than we are, if they found out about her, they’d likely kill her.”

Jack placed a hand on his face and looked away confused, he turned his chair back towards his desk and spoke again.

“So who IS she?” he said in a gruff voice.“Let me get her.”

Angela walked towards the door and out into the hallway, she stared at Sombra for a moment before whispering “Are you ready?” Sombra just gave a gentle nod, before following Mercy inside, holding her hand. Soldier turned towards the pair.

“It’s her, Jack, Sombra.”“You’re absolutely insane Doctor.”“Do you really think that she would go out of her way to meet me at a motel weekly for 2 years just to take down Overwatch? Are you serious Jack?”“She’s the most dangerous hacker in the world Angela.”“And she wants to disappear Jack, she wants to be safe.. With me.”

Jack paused and let out a disgruntled sigh.

“You’re right about this situation being special Doctor Ziegler.”“I know, but I promise you her intentions are pure, I know her, ALL of her.”

Sombra blushed slightly, turning to Mercy, and burying her nose in her collarbone.

“Look! Look at how flustered she is Jack! Have you ever seen “The world’s most dangerous hacker” hide in the shoulder of a world renowned doctor? She’s still human Jack..”

Angela placed a hand on Olivia’s head and ran her hand through her hair.

“She even told me her name Jack, her REAL name.”

Jack was silent for a while before finally speaking up.

“We would need to make absolutely sure she’s not here to sabotage Overwatch.”“Then put us under surveillance Jack, you can have people check on us, and also have us under technological surveillance. I don’t care I just..” Mercy paused and closed her eyes. “I just want my girlfriend to be safe from harm.”“If I do that, you two would be confined to the Overwatch base, and have to be escorted by Overwatch agents, you’re still our doctor Miss Ziegler, so you would still be working, however you would be under the supervision of guards at all times, are you sure this is what you want Angela?” Jack said with remorse.“If it means that Sombra isn’t getting killed for having relations with an Overwatch agent, then I will gladly oblige to any precautionary measures Jack.”

Soldier just placed a hand on his forehead and sighed again.

“You must really like this girl Angela.” “I do, Jack, I really do.”

Sombra finally opened her mouth after being silent for ages.

“Never as much as I’ll like you though mi amor.”

Olivia turned her face to the side and pressed her cheek against Angela’s chest.

“Oh, so she DOES speak? For a second I thought she’d gone mute after meeting you Angela.” Sombra side-eyed Soldier and said “If I were to ever go mute from seeing the most incredible thing in the world, I would have gone mute over 2 years ago.”Angela giggled and wrapped her arms tightly around Olivia. “Such a charmer you are.”

Olivia looked away from Soldier and thought deeply about what she should say next “Just stay with me and do as I say” Mercy’s words echoed in her mind.

“I know you’re skeptical, I got it, but I’m just saying, everyone sees me as the most powerful hacker in the world, do you really think I wouldn’t be able to find any important information about Overwatch in the blink of an eye? OF COURSE I knew where this base was but you know who doesn’t? Talon. I’ve been purposely keeping secrets to keep Angela safe, doesn’t that mean anything to you Morrison? I could DIE for doing this.”

Jack groaned and turned back towards his desk, resting his head on his arm.

“Look, I want to believe you, and our beloved doctor, hell I trust what you say, however, if I were to just let you in here without any investigation, Overwatch would be in shambles and I would get SO MANY complaints, that’s too much paperwork. You’ll be confined to the base but..” He paused, avoiding eye contact. “You two can be confined together, Sombra, you will stay with Doctor Ziegler in her office while she’s working, and you two can share a room, you will still be under major surveillance, so keep that in mind,

Angela gave him a wide smile and let go of Sombra, running over to hug Jack tightly.

“Thank you so so much Jack, thank you.”“Yeah yeah alright Angela. Could you also change my sleeping medication so I can actually sleep tonight?”“Of course Jack, care to escort us back to my office?”

Angela let go of him and headed out the door, Sombra walked close to Jack and stared at him for a moment before whispering “Gracias amigo.” and walking out to Angela, grasping her hand. Soldier stood up from his chair and saluted to Sombra, before following out with them.

Yo listen I love Sommercy and I’m hella gay thx, should I make a part 2 to this? I’d love to write more to this basic plot and also add other characters into it too! Thank u so much anon u gave me a reason to write Sommercy and I am blessed. Let me know what you think and also!

Fic requests are open! So send me your ships or your ideas and I’ll write em!

#Sommercy #sombra overwatch #somercy #mercy #overwatch mercy #Life Hacks overwatch #overwatch #overwatch fanfiction #overwatch fanfic #fic request #soldier 76 #Jack Morrison #angela ziegler #olivia colomar

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flutterby-affect · 7 years

Text

Unconventional Engagement -- Wally West x Reader

I found a prompt that was just perfect for a Wally West x Reader fic. This will also let you guys get a feel for my writing style if you’ve never read any of the stuff I’ve written. It’s a bit on the long side...I’m sorry! I apparently don’t know how to write short fics.

In any case, enjoy some goofy fluff my lovelies!

Word Count: 1488

The sensation of lips grazing over the exposed skin of your right shoulder slowly drew you out of your deep slumber.

A lazy smile found its way to your lips as you let your boyfriend continue before making it known that you were awake. His chest rumbling with soft laughter alerted you to the fact that the man lying beside you was more than aware of your current state of consciousness. The bed beneath you shifted as Wally sat up halfway, one hand planted to support him while his free hand gently pushed your (H/C) bangs from your sleepy eyes. He wore a goofy smile on his handsome face. You scowled playfully up at him.

“I don’t remember telling you to stop.” You stated flatly. The teasing sparkle in your (E/C) eyes let the speedster know that you weren’t serious.

“I know. If it were up to you, we’d spend the rest of the day cuddling in bed and nothing would get done.”

“Unlike some, I have a normal person job and like to have lazy days on the weekends when I don’t have to worry about adolescents paying attention to the lesson.”

The redhead chuckled at your response. “I’m sure your students are always paying attention. You’re too hot to ignore.”

You rolled your eyes at that. The mere thought of your male students thinking you were attractive made you feel uncomfortable. You shuddered in horror the more you thought on the topic. Shoving those thoughts away, you pushed the covers off you and sat up. Your legs hung over the edge of the bed and your hands were placed on either side of you. Twisting your neck from side to side, a relieved sigh escaped your lips at the loud pop! your actions resulted in. Wally made a mock disgusted noise behind you. You snorted at his reaction before standing up from the bed.

As you started to head toward the door, Wally’s hand lightly grasped your wrist. When you looked back at the speedster, he was pouting at you.

“Stay here with me.” He demanded still pouting.

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Weren’t you the one making fun of me for wanting to spend the day cuddling in bed?”

His cheeks flushed pink at your words and his grip on your wrist loosened considerably. You smirked in triumph. Gently pulling free from him, you leaned over and placed a feather light kiss to his cheek. A sweet smile decorated your lips as you pulled back to look into his green eyes.

“Come on, you don’t want to miss breakfast. I’m making pancakes~!”

At the mention of the breakfast food, Wally sped out of the bed and into the bathroom. You laughed at his behavior, shaking your head as you headed to the kitchen. You quickly gathered the ingredients you needed and proceeded to begin the process of making the promised pancakes.

You had just placed your third perfectly golden brown pancake on a plate when Wally’s cell phone rang. The two of you had agreed long ago to charge your phones in the kitchen and not in your room to minimize distractions when spending time together.

Not bothering to check the caller ID, you swiped your finger across the screen and placed the device up to your ear. “Good morning to you too, Dickiebird.”

“Morning (Y/N)!” The raven-haired hero chirped happily. “How was your date last night?”

“Fantastic. Thanks for getting us that reservation. We never would’ve gotten in otherwise.”

Dick chuckled at your comment. “Well, there are some perks to being a billionaire’s son.”

You both shared a hearty laugh at his joke. A breeze flew past you letting you know that your boyfriend had entered the room. He smiled at you and gestured to his phone in question. You mouthed ‘Dick’ to him which he nodded in reply. He held out his hand, offering to take the phone from you so you could focus on your task.

“Hey Dick, Wally just got out of the shower. Do you want to talk to him?” You asked.

“Just tell me, did you say yes?”

“To what?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Your brow furrowed in confusion. You drew the phone away from your ear to check and see if the call had disconnected somehow. Once you were certain that wasn’t the case, you placed the device back to your ear. At this point, Wally also had a confused look on his face.

You spoke back into the phone. “Dick? You still there?”

A beat of silence, then he spoke again. “Yeah, I am. Listen, I can’t talk for much longer. Just let Wally know that I’ll call him later.”

“Um…okay?”

“Thanks (Y/N). I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, you too. Later Dick.” You trailed off as the sound of a call ending filled your ear. Still confused, you turned to your boyfriend. “Dick said he’d call back later. He sure was acting weird.”

“Babe, this is Dick Grayson we’re talking about.”

You smiled at his statement. You handed the phone to Wally and refocused on what you were doing. Luckily, you hadn’t burned any pancakes during that odd conversation with your boyfriend’s best friend. He slipped the device into his back pocket then wrapped his arms around your waist. You tore off a piece of the next pancake you finished and held it up for the speedster to eat. He gladly accepted and munched happily on the food you’d made for the two of you.

“Have I ever mentioned how good at cooking you are?”

“You could stand to mention it more.”

Again, you felt the redhead’s chest rumble with laughter. He placed his chin on your left shoulder and sighed in bliss. His eyes were closed and he wore a content expression on his freckled face.

“What did I do to deserve such a talented, sassy, beautiful girlfriend like you?”

You giggled at his question. “Beats me. How’d I end up with a goofy, flirtatious, handsome boyfriend like you?”

“It must have been fate.”

The two of you fell into comfortable silence. You continued to make pancakes and feed small pieces to Wally. After a few more minutes of silence, Wally sighed once more. He nuzzled his nose into your neck and breathed in deeply, enjoying the natural scent you gave off. You smiled softly at his actions.

“I’m thinking a spring wedding, or maybe fall. I don’t want it to be too cold though.”

“That’s nice and all,” you began, “but we’re not engaged Wally.”

You felt Wally stiffen. His entire body felt like it had tensed up. Worried, you turned your head to see him better.

His face had gone pale and he had a ‘deer in the headlights’ expression on his normally cheerful face. Wally’s green eyes seemed to widen beyond what was humanly possible and his mouth hung open in disbelief. His arms that had held your waist tightly had gone slack and hung limply by his sides.

Concerned, you reached up and cupped his cheek gently. “Wally? Are you okay sweetie?”

Your concerned tone seemed to snap him out of his stupor. His disbelieving expression quickly morphed into a guilty one then into a sheepish smile. The speedster chuckled nervously as he reached up with one of his hands to grasp your hand. His free hand also reached out and took your other hand and he held both in between the two of you. You tilted your head to the side in confusion.

“What’s up?” You asked trying to keep the concern from your voice this time.

Wally chuckled nervously again. “This isn’t exactly how I had planned this to go. Last night was when I had decided to ask you. How did I manage to forget?”

The last part seemed more like a question to himself more so than to you.

Then, everything seemed to click.

“You mean…?”

“(Y/F/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), will you marry me?” Wally asked softly. He brought your joined hands up to his chest causing you to step closer. His green eyes bore into your (E/C) eyes, begging for you to say yes.

You shook your head slightly and laughed softly. “Only you would propose to me so casually. What am I going to do with you?”

“Marry me?”

“I’d be crazy to say no.”

Wally shouted in delight and quickly dropped your hands. Clasping you around your waist, he lifted you into the air and spun the two of you in a circle. Your laughter mingled with his and filled the small apartment. Finally placing you back on your feet, Wally leaned forward and placed his lips against yours. You leaned into his chest to deepen the kiss. After a few moments, you two parted and smiled at each other giddily. Wally leaned his forehead against yours.

“I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you too, Wally.”

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mab-speaks · 7 years

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Fic: Dangerous Decadence

For @zokudarakuron. Written for my bsd ficlet challenge based on the prompt requests: “I would kill for a cup of coffee…literally” and Angocest. (Ango x Ango)

Rated: M

Summary: Definition of Decadence - 1. moral or cultural decline as characterized by excessive indulgence in pleasure or luxury. 2. luxurious self-indulgence.What if Ango's ability enabled him to luxuriate in self-indulgence - literally and, like Chuuya when he goes into Corruption-mode, Ango can lose himself to himself in a downward spiral to the point he can't stop? Who needs friends when you can entertain yourself?

Content Notice: Sex, references to suicidal ideation/attempt, loss of control, Inappropriate humor. Also, implied Odazai and potential Dazango.

You can read it here or on the Ao3.

Clack. Scuff. Clack.

The sound of my shoes against the pavement resounds in my ears tonight. My shadow stretching before me grows longer with every step, taunting me to chase it, to catch it before it, too, slips from my grasp.

I try to ignore the taunt, pushing my glasses further up the bridge of my nose and focusing instead on the end of my journey. The hotel. Eighteen stories of concrete walls, the promise of anonymity and seclusion within.

Who needs friends anyway? I've gotten by just fine without them for most of my life; if Dazai and Odasaku feel the need to cozy up together at the bar and forget I'm present, then who am I to interrupt? I'd excused myself to use the restroom and left through the back door. They probably haven't even noticed my absence.

I furrow my brows as the wind picks up, the sea-breeze chilling my face with a layer of salt, fogging my glasses. My temples throb, a tension headache building.

Clack. Scuff. Clack.

I continue walking, the buzzing of the streetlamps accompanying my shoes in a pathetic rhythm. It's odd, the lack of people tonight. Normally the nightlife in this district borders on bawdy, but tonight – the streets are vacant, the shops all closed, windows dark.

My shadow jumps as I pass the park, playing hide and seek with itself amongst the diagonal pattern made by the trees. Nearly there. The hotel looms ahead, dark but for a scattered few lit windows.

I welcome the burst of warm air that greets me as I stride through the lobby doors. I flash my ID at the doorman and head for the elevator, rubbing absently at the nape of my neck. I need to do something about this tension, something I haven't indulged in for far too long. The idea flashes across my mind like a sign from heaven, making my pulse race, my palms itch.

The elevator dings as it reaches my floor, the doors taking far too long to open. I have to force myself not to break into a run in my rush to reach my room. My hand trembles as I put the key into the lock, my heart thudding in my ears. Is this really a good idea? I have had several shots of whiskey already. I may not be thinking clearly enough to … NO! I don't care! I deserve this. Attention. Affection. Self-care. I need it. I bite my lip as I open the door and step into my sanctuary.

I loosen my tie, unbuttoning my jacket as I cross the room to draw the drapes over the windows. That finished, I run through my nightly routine of checking the room for bugs and signs of intrusion, shrugging out of my clothes as I go, leaving them where they fall.

It's been too long. My hands grip the tiled bathroom counter, my back bent, head bowed as I glare at the large wall mirror, my forehead creased. My gift – I used to rely on it all the time – decadence enabled me to rise above all others, to need nobody. It made me superior. In this moment I can't recall why I had sworn off using it, why I had called it a curse.

I bite my lip, hesitating, my eyes roving over my own reflection. His pale skin, nearly always hidden beneath a brown three-piece suit, now completely revealed. His lips are plump and rosy, the faint traces of teeth marks marring the lower one. They stretch into a smirk, an invitation. I'd been ready to go for it the moment I'd stepped off the elevator, but now, facing him – my conscience prickles, the throbbing at my temples intensifying.

"Wh-hy?" I ask aloud, my voice cracking. "I haven't needed you for more than two years. I buried you." My arms tremble, elbows locking to keep them from giving out. My nerves feel raw under the eyes of my reflection, his dilated pupils drinking in every inch of my exposed body with the magnetism of a black hole.

He doesn't answer out loud, can't … yet.

He arches an eyebrow, tilting his head to the side. I know what he's thinking. After all, he is me. If you'd like me to answer, you know what you have to do.

My eyes burn as I close them, briefly shutting him out. It's hard to think clearly under his gaze, harder still with the pounding in my temples. In my mind's eye, I return to the bar, to my lonely perch on a barstool, separated from Dazai and Odasaku by the service counter. They share a laugh, a joke perhaps that I hadn't caught, their shoulders brushing, Dazai's hand clutching Odasaku's wrist to steady himself. I sigh, swigging the last of my drink and swallowing the bitter taste with a grimace.

I open my eyes again, meeting his, my focus sharpening as the lingering taste in my mouth grows bitter once more. Right. What are friends really? What guarantee do they deliver? Friends grow together and then apart, some faster than others, at least, according to my observations. I hadn't asked to be friends with them in the first place. I was bullied into it. Sure, I enjoyed the time I had with them more than any other period of my life, but I always knew it would come to end. It was inevitable. They never knew who I really am and, were they to find out, they wouldn't hesitate to kill me. Dazai especially.

I swallow hard, my mouth dry, lips parched. I take in my reflection. My eyes are round and soft, sad. This, too, was always inevitable. I can't count on others to fill the emptiness inside me. I can only rely on myself.

"Discourse on Decadence," I whisper, reaching up, touching my fingertips to his, meeting them in a coarse press of dry skin against skin, our palms lining up, pressing flat together and then, our fingers linking, curling, joining in a shared fist. Heat floods my body, the familiar thrill of pleasure, of promised satiation. I pull, breathing out, stepping back to make room as he climbs out of the mirror as if from a veil of mercury and then we stand face to face, my peripheral vision catching our twin profiles in the mirror.

"Ango." He speaks first, his voice soft and deep, washing over me like warm puff of air, sending sparks of anticipation up and down my arms, canvassing my chest. I simply take him in, his presence so familiar and yet, altered. The hollow space inside my soul aches, yearning for him to fill it up, a hole tailor-made to his shape. "How I've missed you."

I fall into his arms without a second thought, his warmth further igniting mine, making me feverish. I don't care. I haven't been cherished for so long, haven't felt whole and complete. I need this – him – like air, like water. He can do anything to me and I'll let him. I close my eyes, nuzzling his neck and lose myself in the sensation of our skin brushing together, my pulse rushing, my mouth panting, desperate to join as one.

Our lips meet and catch, tongues tracing familiar patterns, and then we trade kisses, drinking them in with so much need, so much frenzy, I forget to breathe. Surrendering myself to his arms, his guidance, giving myself completely over to the only person I can trust makes my heart swell with the thick nostalgia of coming home. I lose myself, my sense of time, my everything without complaint so long as he doesn't leave me. He carries me to the bed and sets about fulfilling my deepest, most hidden desires. Nothing is false between us. How could it be? He is me.

XxxX

Self-Indulgence. Decadence. It isn't so much a gift as a curse; I recall these facts now. I can give myself anything, can accomplish any goal so long as it's something I truly want. The downside to this ability took me a long time to realize and by the time I had, it was too late for me. If your every desire can be had, every goal you set can be achieved all on your own, goals cease to carry weight, pleasures become boring, dull, and the need to connect with others, to develop relationships is not necessary. I began self-sabotaging my efforts, finding half-way through a mission that would have secured me a position of great power that I no longer wanted it. I no longer cared.

I got picked up by the government, drafted into the Special Abilities Division, and then seduced into becoming a double agent by Ougai Mori. He was always the mastermind behind most of the cases I catalogued during my undercover stint as an accountant. When you get to the point of complete apathy, hollowed out inside and dreaming of a day when you may once again have something to live for, following a master with a clear vision and a tight grip on control is just what happens.

I hate myself as much as I love myself. I hadn't realized that I still had the capacity for such strong emotions as love and hate until Dazai singled me out. He and Odasaku. And now they have outgrown our friendship, found a higher plane together and left me high and dry. I can't hate them for it; I already saw it coming.

It was only ever a matter of time before this whole experiment went bust. I had ceased relying on my ability in order to save myself, to find a reason to live, to do something worthwhile and also to protect myself from exploitation. It's preferable that my masters remain ignorant of my gift. I truly believe the work I do is, in the grander scheme, worthwhile. So long as the Mafia gains legal status, the citizens of Yokohama will continue to live peaceful and happy lives. Law and order. Peace. Happiness. I long to understand these concepts, to realize them in my own life. I don't know if that will ever be possible, but I still hope.

Fingers press my pleasure spot, scattering my thoughts like chaff. I exhale, moaning, giving in once more to my basest desires. I've lost track of the time, the date, how long ago I ate or drank. I know myself, he knows me, knows what I need and how and when to give it to me. After two years of abstinence, a passionate reunion is definitely not unwelcome.

"Ango," he grunts, his breath hot against my cheek, his touch reaching deeper, higher inside me than he ever has before. I feel like I'm floating, hovering halfway between wake and sleep, the land of dreams and fulfilled desire. My eyes roll back in my head, I'm losing my ability to stay present, passing out … "No you don't. Look at me."

He grabs my chin, forcing it down, his eyes dark as tunnels swimming as I try to bring him into focus. My vision splits into three, blending into two and then, as he stops pumping into me, I'm able to focus on his face.

"It's too much." I sound like I'm whining, but even I can hear the yearning for even more in my own ears. I never want to stop, never want to be alone again. I can see him read my thoughts as he grins at me, his bangs plastered to his forehead, sweat dripping from the tips. "My throat is dry," I clarify. "I need a drin–" I swallow my words as he closes his mouth on top of mine, chasing my complaints down with his tongue. I don't mind. I wrap my arms around his back, holding on for dear life as his hips begin pumping into me again. Drunk on his taste, his kisses, his presence enveloping me, I find my climax as he steals my breath, my vision going white. It stays white as I linger in the moment, high as a kite, floating on a cloud, without a care if I ever come back down.

XxxX

So empty, so high, so light … my brain buzzes as I return to the present, my eyes lolling unfixed in their sockets. I force myself to focus, too see out from my dazed state, but it's as hit or miss as getting power through a frayed wire.

My body rocks, my head rolling on the mattress, occasionally bumping up against the headboard. How long have I been out? How long has he been at it? How much more can either of us take? My stomach clenches, a gnawing rumble breaking the silence. He chuckles.

I try to wet my lips, but even my tongue is dry. My throat feels like a desert, wasted and parched. My eyes are dry. It's more comfortable to keep them closed, but even then, my eyelids feel like they're made of sandpaper.

This … my ability … It's gone too far; it's too much. I realize with horror, holding fast to the thought: I have lost control. I feel nothing. My physical self is somewhere apart from where my mind is at. Where do I find hope? What is hope? Do I still have that? I feel so blank. Empty.

"Da-zai …" The name sounds in my ears, a croak. I'm pretty sure I'm the one who called it. And it makes sense right now, in this moment, that the one man who inspired emotions in me, a man of a similar emptiness, would be my last hope. "I want … I want … Dazai."

The bed creaks as he rises above me. I can't feel my legs. The only sensations I hold seem centered in my chest and my head. I open my eyes as his breath hits my cheeks. My heart clenches as if lodging itself in my throat. His features shift, changing, becoming more like Dazai.

"No!" I gasp. "Not like that. Not you – not me in a Dazai mask. I want the real person. Dazai."

His face returns to normal. The heart-shape, bland features I see every day hover over me as if I was peering into a mirror. His expression doesn't hold the horror I feel at all. His eyes look at me half-lidded, bored.

"Ah yes. But … this goes both ways, you know. You invited me to come inside, to become one with you and that is what I want."

Wait. What? My mind reels. I'm losing the plot.

"I cannot do what you do not want, Ango," he says, sounding so much like he's reciting a carefully prepared criticism. "And, likewise, you know that you can trust me because I am you."

My vision dims again, his face becoming a blur of color until I close my eyes to stave off the discomfort. "Still. Call him. I want Dazai, not this. Please …" Even without the dizzying color blur, I'm losing my fight to stay aware. "I want … Dazai … want you … come …"

I'm slipping in and out of consciousness, unable to fight it, unwilling to try.

XxxX

"Back again, Ango?"

His voice sounds far off, but it gives me an anchor point to draw myself back into awareness. My eyes open as slits. It takes more energy than I have to blink.

"Good. You're nearly ready. We will be one."

My heart stutters, picking up and knocking against my ribs and then skipping a couple of beats. I don't know what he's talking about. It's impossible. We've always been able to read each other. We have no secrets. "I … I don't understand…" My throat feels like it's been scraped raw, just pushing enough air through it to make my voice heard.

"You wouldn't," he says dryly. "You think you can seduce me, us; use us; thrive off the power we make together and then just … one day … stop? That there wouldn't be any consequences?"

My mind races, attempting to catch up to him, to get a glimpse, a thread of what he's telling me. "I thirst," I croak. "Can't think. Need help. Feels like … dying."

He talks over my complaints as if he didn't catch them.

"It's time to break down all the boundaries between us. You can't put us away any more, Ango. Can't refuse to answer us, to ignore our presence, your true nature. We will no longer be suppressed."

"How?" I ask, my voice barely audible, like wind hitting a blade of grass.

"That empty space you always bemoan – it's grown. I've been growing it more. Going to hollow you out, break your reins, your last hesitation and then, I will climb inside. We will reside together in one body and be one always. We will never be without our ability and we will rise above the rest of the riff-raff and show them what true mastery is."

I form my words with my lips, forcing the last of my strength into making them heard. "I'd rather die."

He grabs my shoulders, his fingers digging in bruisingly. "This is the truth? Why you call out for Dazai, for that suicidal freak? You choose death over us?"

"Y-es," I gasp. My eyes burning, my lips going numb, the world going dark.

XxxX

"Well that wasn't very nice, but I do admit it had that touch of poetry about it."

My lips are cold, freezing, but it doesn't matter because my throat is wet again, cool trickles of water sluicing over the parched membranes. I'm so relieved, I don't even wonder who that voice belonged to or what it said.

I move my lips, finding a rough bit of something gummy, gluey, pressed against my mouth. The water source. I latch onto it and suck, drinking it as much as I can, though it's slow-going. Ice? I think it must be ice. That would explain the cold, but the weird texture … It must be wrapped in some sort of … fabric? I'm not sure. It's slimy.

Tentatively, I open my eyes, blinking, disoriented. And then things start to make sense as I take in the scene. Dazai, crouching over me, straddling my thighs and pinning me in place while he feeds me melting ice with his … Gross. I turn my face away from the ice pack, finally making sense of the odd taste. "Dazai, stop." Gauze. I turn back to meet his eyes after he's moved the bundle away from my face. He looks like he's trying to hide his amusement. "Seriously? You had me sucking on ice through your damn bandages?"

The pounding in my temples is back again. I'm so tired, Dazai's stupid smirk souring my mood further. "Get off! I can't feel my legs with your bony ass sitting on them."

He smiles, his left eyebrow lifting high on his forehead, his right eye and upper face are still hidden with bandages. "Yes! Good morning to you too, Ango! Did you sleep well?"

My brain feels like mush. I hate mornings. I wrinkle my forehead, confused. What did I do last night? What did I drink? I dare not voice those questions.

"Why are you here?" I ask him, sighing and rubbing absently at my forehead.

He hands me my glasses as the scent of coffee suddenly wafts across my nose, my brain screaming for it. God. Coffee. Yes. Caffeine. I need wake-up juice to give me a boost and then I might be able to deal with Dazai this early in the morning.

I slide my glasses into place and start to push myself up, but Dazai holds me down with his hand on my chest, still pinning my legs between his thighs. "Dazai?" I repeat, unamused.

"Hmm?"

"This is not a joke."

"No. You're right. It isn't."

"Let me get up and grab a cup of coffee then? I'll gladly sit still and listen to whatever you have to say after that."

His forehead creases, worry lines bunching up, his lips drawing down into a frown.

"Dazai. I will kill for a cup of coffee … literally."

He nods again, his expression seeming to grow more sad than worried. What the hell is going on right now?

"And your body is currently between me and the coffee pot," I lower my voice to emphasize the threat. And then it hits me as Dazai's lips twitch into a playful smirk. I massage the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes against the tension. "Right. And it's pointless for me to threaten to kill somebody who longs to die. Is that it?"

I pause, waiting for his playful comeback and encountering only silence. I look up at him, locking gazes with the most serious face I've ever seen Dazai wear.

"You tell me, Ango. Is that it?"

I scoff, an uncomfortable inkling making the back of my neck prickle. I did something stupid. I showed him something too close to home. I blanch, feeling the blood draining from my face.

"Whoa, whoa!" he says, holding onto my shoulders to keep me steady and then fluffing my pillows behind my head. "I'm not judging, just trying to jog your memory. I gotta tell you that I didn't see that coming at all. Like, honestly. I'm impressed."

I can only gape at him. What the hell did I do?

"I've attempted to kill myself dozens of different ways, but … suicide by fucking yourself to death is uh... creative, to say the least."

I cannot believe he just said that. I cannot believe … and then snippets of memories flash across my mind. Dazai and Odasaku's closeness, my quick departure from the bar, the walk home, the mirror … "Oh my god. Why does it have to be you? Why do I have to have this conversation with you?" I'm so mortified, I wish I could disappear into my mattress and just be gone.

His hand closes around my wrist, surprisingly gentle.

"Because, Ango, you called me."

The End

#bungou stray dogs #sakaguchi ango #dazango #odazai #bsd ficlet challenge #self-cest #playtime with mab

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