#chirpyblues

[chirpyblues]

brown eyes with a fleck of gold

sounds so cliche but it's just so true

secrets we keep like knives between our teeth

'cause we can't afford to tell a soul

what led to the first loss of our lives

sunny moments we keep falling back on

like they're fluffy cushions meant to break the fall

reality dances as it won another round

love that was once a river of emotions

evaporated into a dry hollow nothing

yet the nothing's there as something

it never vanishes, the proof of your existence

in my life, in my past and whatever's left of it now

we end where we begin, after all

in my mind that circle never made sense

this love is my own to grieve till the end

you own the oldest crack on my heart, after all

~ shreeya.

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[chirpyblues]

~ shreeya.

#writblr #writing #chirpyblues #spilled feelings #spilled words #poeticstories #writerscreed #poetry #spilled heart #quotestoliveby #poeticaisle #hurt/comfort #im hurtin

[chirpyblues]

i think you've left

I'm not sure yet, or maybe that's what i tell myself to console me, even if i am sure

if you go, how will life look like for me?

will everything really remain the same and still end up reminding me of you?

I don't want you gone but I'm quickly learning that what i want doesn't happen around here

my heart will scream in your absence

and then it will be left an empty hurting ball of flesh

because you will take all of me with you, if you go, when you go

thinking about our normal hurts because it was the closest thing i had to home

please don't go? can you even hear me? i guess you left

maybe i should forever leave being here too

~ shreeya.

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[chirpyblues]

"just because your intentions are good"

can be used as such a perfect excuse

for anyone being harsh, being mean

for people saying whatever that

they think they have the right to say

because why not? after all,

they "mean well" for us, don't they?

people need to understand

especially the ones close to us

that words leave footprints

the permanent kind of footprints

so if you dig your heel in the earth

it will leave a mark, no matter what

and if you want to leave a mark

let it be without blood and tears

kind words are maybe one of the

rarest treasures that I've found

or maybe i haven't found them yet

because no one uses them anymore

~ shreeya.

#writblr #writing #chirpyblues #spilled feelings #spilled words #poeticstories #writerscreed #poetry #spilled heart #quotestoliveby #poeticaisle #poeticreveries #prose poem #kindness #kinda depressing

[chirpyblues]

they say i am broken

but i am the aficionado

of keeping it together

they say they love me

but all i hear is them

trying to fulfill duties

they say i am important

but i feel as insignificant

as the wind no one feels

the wind that's just there

every person needs love

then why have they held me

as someone not a person

or maybe i am someone

who is simply not loved?

i am ready to cut open

my heart and my soul

but i wish someone else

anyone else was ready

to do the same for me too

maybe just say they were

even if they actually wouldn't

i am hauntingly alone now

and they don't see it but

i am pulling away and away

~ shreeya.

#writblr #writing #chirpyblues #spilled feelings #spilled words #poeticstories #writerscreed #poetry #spilled heart #quotestoliveby #3am thoughts #alone with my thoughts #feeling alone

[chirpyblues]

if only there was some way for him to know

that he has now officially left the footprint

of his existence etched in stone in my mind

his thoughts are always there in my head

and i just know i will never let him leave

throughout this lifetime of mine, even if

his memories are all that i have left of him

~ shreeya.

#writblr #writing #chirpyblues #spilled feelings #spilled words #poeticstories #writerscreed #poetry #spilled heart #quotestoliveby #poetryriot #hearts #love him so much #i miss him

[chirpyblues]

a tangle of arms everywhere

and breaths mismatched

a tangle of eyes closed

and mouths a little open

you and i are a tangle

of questions and answers

of easts and wests

of smiles and hugs

a tangle of each other

willing completely to

be lost and be found

in the other, by each other

~ shreeya.

#writblr #writing #chirpyblues #spilled feelings #spilled words #poeticstories #writerscreed #poetry #spilled heart #quotestoliveby #poets corner #dead poets society #poetic #poets on tumblr #lovestruck #i love you #in love #love poetry

[chirpyblues]

woke up and wished you birthday,

in my mind, obviously

saw your picture the next day

social media connections

did you always have crooked teeth

or was my mind so lovestruck

that it painted you simply perfect

your arms around that girl

but she wasn't looking at you

and definitely not with

stars and hearts in her eyes

white shirt stretched across

your chest and you were smiling

a smile i know so well yet i don't

because we were children

when we thought we were in love

and now we're people with lives

that couldn't be more apart

will i ever stop missing you?

maybe you just liked me while

i actually did fall deep in love

i don't know, all i know is that

i saw your picture again today

so you'll be with me in all of my

dreams in the upcoming nights

and only ever in my dreams

in the upcoming nights

~ shreeya.

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[chirpyblues]

for my parents to hold me without asking for anything in return

for them to want to fight their demons because i matter to them

for them to want to make me smile even when life stabbed my skull

for them to say kind words to me because they are the ones supposed to teach me what love and kindness is

for them to be on my team but not just be there in an obscure way, rather be fully present

for them to notice me, notice my tears and most importantly, notice my fake smiles

for them to like and respect the person i am rather than mope about me not being the person they dreamed of me becoming

what do i ask for?

all i ever ask for is to be loved, and turns out, that's the same as asking for the moon

~ shreeya.

#writblr #writing #chirpyblues #spilled feelings #spilled words #poeticstories #writerscreed #poetry #spilled heart #quotestoliveby #poetryriot

[chirpyblues]

to all the silences that pierce me

and the screams that embrace me

to all the questions that stab me

and all the doubts that weaken me

to all the sorrow that engulfs me

and the agony that gnaws at me

you came at me when i wasn't armed

you embarked mayhem upon my life

you wanted me to drown right there

but look at me today as I swim along

it took a lot of power but I held on

and i may be a broken mess at times

but at the end of the day, i am here

i already won the war of surviving it

~ shreeya.

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[chirpyblues]

you grow up and things start to explain themselves. you start understanding people and why they behave the way they behave.

you start understanding yourself, more so than you ever have before. everyday you realise something new about yourself and you wonder how you thought you already knew yourself the best.

and it’s the same with others. you don’t ever fully know them, there’s always more to know.

opinions change when new information appears. as they should. you may have thought of something as good before but now you find it terrible.

life is flexible. your brain needs to be. you can’t be the same person everyday.

becoming a person is a choice. you choose who you want to be. you choose your joys. you choose what to call your “purpose” in order to give you a sane mind in this meaningless world.

nobody ever said life is easy. it never was, nor shall it ever be. but your brain can perceive it as easy. your brain can perceive the world to be good. that’s another thing i learned. perceptions can hold just as much power as reality.

we’re all stories figuring out our place and our way. we all have a home and we all have our own different meanings of happiness. all we need to do is let others be happy in their own way and make ourselves happy in ours. live and let live, and the earth shall conquer.

~ shreeya.

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[chirpyblues]

life is chaos. i have pasts to accept. i have people i need to know more of and people i need to forget more of. i have stories to tell and many more to listen. i have a lot of things to look forward to and at the same time, yearn about the past by becoming a big mushy ball of emotions. there are feelings that will make me feel like i have travelled back in time and then there will be feelings which will be new friends as i go through life. i am learning what life is every single day and every single day i learn something new which humbles me more. growing up might be endless but right now, i am growing up more than i ever have. and i like what i am seeing. the world is a stupid broken sad place but it is what i have. and i like it cuz i accept it as it is. i don't know if my dream of leaving the world a better place than what it was before me will ever come true. but i will try to make it better in my own tiny ways. and at the same time, i appreciate the mess it is. it could be so much worse and here i am, happy in my cocoon of words. life is a seriously funny thing and i am just another twenty something kid learning to live.

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[chirpyblues]

we are the product of all the people we've ever known

i read a lot because my parents used to. they left reading but i picked it up because of them. i started writing when a teacher randomly asked us to write a rhyme. i stopped writing a lot of times in my life but it was a handful of people who liked my writing so much that encouraged me to keep moving. a teacher once fixed my m's, another showed me a different way to write my f's. a dear friend once taught me to cross my sevens. i listen to every kind of music because i want to relate with the different music personalities of my many friends.

you know how you dress up and your tie is a bit askew and someone stands in front of you and gently, quietly fixes it and moves on, like it was nothing? there are so many people who straightened so many ties of mine. i'm a jigsaw puzzle and all the many pieces that have made me and continue make me are all the people i've had the privilege of having a part of. we are, after all, the product of all the people we've ever known.

~ shreeya.

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[chirpyblues]

this, this is the reason why i make myself lose myself in books. one story after another, rinse repeat everyday. this crippling loneliness that has had me since i became a tiny human and now a fully functioning one.

some people have people in their family, some have friends, some have partners and while i do have all of these on paper, I don't have them near me, I don't have their time and sometimes i don't think they even remember me. it's okay, that's life, i understand everyone is busy. but hey, I'm left here, alone, lonely.

and so, i read. once i found this loneliness could be lessened through books, there was no stopping me. when others were having fun with friends, i was 12 and immersed in books. i didn't realise then why i was making the choice I was, but today i do.

my life has seen a lot of rollercoastering. there have been some people who have been by my side. but they're always still so far away, you know? where's the hugs? where's the love? where's the suffocation of space that people feel with people around? why is no one suffocating mine?

so this is my acknowledgement, appreciation and gratitude, all wrapped in one, towards books. because they have kept my spark alive, they have given me reasons to smile, to giggle, to feel better, to not feel utterly immensely alone. and i need that, maybe always will.

~ shreeya.

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[chirpyblues]

at this point, it just feels like I'm gathering hurt from anyone and everyone, because I don't know any better.

it's sad, it's pathetic. it's unkind to my heart. but it's definitely not made up.

the scales need to be balanced, the ones with happiness on one end and hurt on the other.

i read somewhere that for every bad memory, you need five or so happy ones to replace it.

where are mine, i wanna scream. i am screaming, so loud in my mind.

why have they stopped seeing me, why is my despair not visible, why do they only and only ever hurt. why. why. please, why.

this life, it pains me. it pains me in so many ways. and i still try to give, try to love, try to see the despair on other's faces.

i am always gonna do this, the being there for others thing. but i have stopped expecting anything in return since a while now.

you know what drives me? the fact that i can survive and be good despite all of it. and there's so much that can bring me down.

i want to win at this. i want to show that i was handed the wrong cards. i was never loved in my time of need. i was never understood much either.

and i am still here. i am here and i continue to be kind, to love, to understand. i am gonna be better than life. i am gonna be better than them, too. i think i already am.

~ shreeya.

#writblr #writing #chirpyblues #spilled feelings #spilled words #poeticstories #writerscreed #poetry #spilled heart #quotestoliveby #poeticaisle #poeticreveries #poets corner #dead poets society

[chirpyblues]

everyone wanting me to be "perfect". their expectations are higher than everest and to call them burdensome would be a feather of a definition. mere survival is difficult for me on so many days. making sure to keep going and that too, on the track and not getting sidelined takes effort. when you are recovering from being in a dark place in your mind, every step ahead takes effort. especially the starting steps. is that so difficult to understand? the eyes need to adjust to the light every morning after waking up from the dark. be patient with me, that's all i ask of them. but they continue to remind me why people are a disappointment as a whole. kindness is precious. and as it turns out, way too rare. rare enough that my own home won't be kind to me.

~ shreeya.

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