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lightningidle · 1 month

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Fig's line "I don't think I'm an artist, I think I'm just a good friend" has not left my head at all. Just...

You're Fig Faeth and your horns came in over the summer and you pick up the bard class as a form of adolescent rock 'n' roll rebellion, and it works! It's exactly the outlet you need! You give a guy you just met drumsticks and you start a band and it's good enough that within a year and a half you're touring. You are, in every sense, good at being a bard.

And then, finally, your junior year, you start to take it seriously. Your art goes from an outlet and a form of rebellion to a practice. A discipline. (Can rebellion exist within a discipline?) Your classmates know what they want to do with their work. They all have a thesis statement. And yeah, there's cohesion in the music you make, but you've never had to think about why you make it. You've never sat down and dissected what it is about bass that speaks to you. You've never poured over your lyrics to pick at any deeper meaning. Why should you? You don't play music for a grand design, you do it to... huh, why do you do it?

(Your art is the one form of self-expression that feels as safe as Disguise Self does, because even if you're pouring your heart onto the page and then screaming it in front of thousands of people, it's not like you're really making yourself known. You can sing I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm furious, and your fans will sing it right back, and there will still be the distance between performer and audience to keep your heart safe.)

Now you're being asked to look inward to explain the artistic choices you're making, and you can't help but recoil at that, because you'd rather do anything than look inward. Meanwhile, your classmates have no problem with it, so you start to wonder if you're a real artist at all. Can your art be authentic if it only exists to bolster a thesis statement? Has your art been unauthentic this whole time because you've never really thought about a thesis statement before? Is that what makes it art, and not just the next track on somebody's teen angst playlist?

You can't think about yourself— acknowledging your own existence makes you want to puke. So if your music is an extension of yourself, (and it is, even if it's just because the spotlight reveals only what you want it to,) you can't think about your music. You can't. You have to. Your grade depends on it.

You're Fig Faeth, and you keep multiclassing because you'd rather be a good friend than a great artist. If introspection is what great art demands, then fuck it. You must not be a bard at all.

#Dimension 20 #fig faeth #fhjy #Idle Chatter #my last two years of college were when I started to get more and more nauseous about my own art #because I wasn't being taught how to make the art I wanted to make #the whole curriculum's focus was on gallery art #which infuriated me! I wanted to make art that didn't have to involve twelve layers of meaning and metaphor to be considered good!!#so I drove myself into the ground time and again trying to make (miserable) work that I thought would fit the criteria of a Real Artist #anyway it's been 4 years and I'm just now picking at why I don't enjoy creating anymore so Fig's whole arc has hit home in a major way #ALSO. AAAAALSO. THE ADHD STRUGGLE WE SEE WITH BOTH FIG AND KRISTEN. LOVING SOMETHING BUT STILL STRUGGLING WITH FOLLOW THROUGH #BEING TOLD YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH WHEN IT'S SO FUCKING HARD JUST TO GET WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY IT'S HARD FOR YOU #it was easy and now that the rubber's hit the road it's hard for you but not for others so it must be YOU that's the problem #you must be lazy or stupid or just not suited to this after all even though it's part of a pattern that has been happening all your life #if you were good enough or cared enough then surely the discipline would come easily to you! the way it comes easily to all your classmates #SCREAMS I gotta stop before I write a second essay in the tags. I'm so normal you can trust me to be normal about D&D characters

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triona-tribblescore · 7 months

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guess what I finally started on tonight?

#oh my god ive missed draw ingthem sm #ive had the next update sketched for a few weeks now but finding time to actually draw it has been so hard #im out here doing a full 5 day college course having to travel 4 hrs a day #then working full weekends #so a full 7 day week with no break #so finding time to draw turts and anlfm stuff has been hard #BUT THAT JUST MAKES THE TIMES THAT I CAN SM BETTER!!!#sparks joy :')#idk when it'll be done but know that the ball is now rolling again uvu #anlfm #tribbletalks #tribbleart #a ninjas life for me #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt au

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12am-motivation · 5 months

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happy birthday, sol!!

this blog may as well be dead by now but i just wanted to say thank you everyone for giving me the best months of my life ^^

#i am so sorry for the long hiatus—#college has been beating my ass and it's been hard to find the motivation lately #but i hope to revive this blog bit by bit #even though i know the original fandom has probably dwindled by now #a sol #solomon #ソロモン #solomon obey me #obey me solomon #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me nightbringer #obey me #おべいみー #mo's sketches #my art #mo rambles into the void #i wish i made something better

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imsociallyanxiousgetoverit · 6 months

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THERES NO FANFICTION FOR THIS BED WE MADE‽‽

#dont get me wrong I adore the game as is #but like I wanna read MORE #WHAT DATES AND GOSSIP AND SNOOPING DO SOPHIE AND BETH GET UP TO!#WHAT IF LINDSAY AND PAUL WERE ABLE TO BE HAPPY LIKE KLAUS AND DAVE IN SEASON ONE OF THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY!?#HOW WAS COLLEGE LIFE WITH ANNE AND MARCELLA?#please yall let someone write about them #I really struggle to write realistic historical queer fanfiction because the angst of it is really hard for me #enough of my life has already been hiding who I am and I really dont handle those feelings (like directly as id feel writing) well nowadays #anyways ignore my life story summed up and WRITE THOSE FICS PLEASE #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #request #fanfiction request #fanfic request #fic request #this bed we made #tbwm #sophie roy #elizabeth lambert #50s queer life #historical queer life #queer video game #gab smolders playthrough is really great

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dayurno · 2 months

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omg reverse riko au is making me feel so ill..... please let us know if you have any more thoughts abt riko kayleigh and kevin legend.....

I DO my idea is that its around the same age kevin and riko met in canon so tetsuji kicks the bucket when riko is 7/8 and riko is (very forcibly) removed from the nest and sidelined to kayleigh as a new moriyama asset from the main branch takes over the nest. riko struggles a lot with the change because he is very young and very scared and he’s used to horrible things at tetsuji’s hand, which means that he doesn’t trust kayleigh and finds kevin entirely too weird. it’s honestly really cute because i think at this point obviously 7 year old kevin wants to befriend him but riko is such an anxious ball of anger that most of their interactions are like

baby riko: what do you WANT from me. go AWAY!!!! NOW

baby kevin: (heavy irish accent) nothing i think. do you want a bite of my sandwich?

anyway i think riko and kayleigh do get along but he never really considers her his mother or even godmother, for a long time he thinks of her as his Benefactor until the child therapy starts hitting and she becomes Aunt Kayleigh and then after a few more years he can be loosely convinced to refer to her as auntie once or twice a year. his second son syndrome never really leaves him; in the upcoming years riko struggles with the idea that he’s anything But an add-on to the days and still overworks himself to death trying to be acknowledged by kengo, but it’s leaps better just from being outside the nest and having people to look out for him

riko and kevin have some rough patches, especially during riko’s first years with the days. because kevin is an easy target and riko is afraid of kayleigh he ends up letting a lot of that anger out on kevin, though obviously at this point they are children and riko’s anger manifests in some mild bullying and name calling. i think kevin doesn’t even understand it most of the time 😭 riko has been around grown ups his entire life so his adult level insults make no sense to kevin’s seven year old mind. nevertheless after kayleigh tells him to stop picking on kevin riko does respect it (first out of fear, then later because they actually get along) and they go on to become brothers with only a slight tendency towards antagonism. riko’s jealousy of kevin is still a big part of their relationship and i think even more so when college applications roll around, and he’s even more worried when wymack comes into the picture, but it never culminates into anything as horrible as hand breaking because riko has an actual outlet and a support system :) it’s mostly a yelling match that eventually turns to getting scolded by kayleigh for acting like barbarians

#i know kayleighs sermons go hard kevin and riko are sitting there head bowed like yes maam…..#i havent yet decided where they both go to college in this au #but i think for one that the nest still exists and jean still gets sold to the moriyamas but it’s the main branch now #however without riko there jean’s experience in the nest is. Hard but not brutal #anyway i think riko would apply to edgar allen but he would be rejected on the account of being second branch raised by foreigners #but how horrifying to think about jean in the nest bossing riko around right. kind of a slay though #i think kevin goes to palmetto still Because he wants to reconnect with wymack and riko is very divided but ultimately chooses usc #because they’re the best and he doesn’t want to play second fiddle to kevin and his father #also i imagine his time in usc sucks a lot for the first months because it’s so different LOL #and he’s never been alone before like this with kayleigh and kevin so far out of reach #but :) hed make friends. maybe even… captain jeremy knox….. whos to say?#!#meanwhile kevin (a normal boy at this point) has to deal with the foxes being a trainwreck and the new serial killer dad recruit #he’s got a lot on his hands #ANYWAY this is entirely unrelated and indulgent but i want this kevjean to meet so bad #riko on the phone: we played against the ravens that jean moreau is a scoundrel and a monster and he almost broke my arm kevin: woaw #he’s gonna be so pissed off three years down the line when jean moreau shows up at christmas dinner with the days #you think theres any worse dynamic for jean and riko than master and slave? of course. Brothers in law #wouldnt you just kill to be a little fly buzzing around that christmas supper #asks #riko #kevin&riko

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dearyuomi · 17 days

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I JUST REMEMBERED THE 4.6 LIVESTREAM IS TOMORROW OMG IM TWEAKING. ARLE LYNEY AND KUNI COMING BACK FR

#── ꒰ 🍶 ꒱ 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗌𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗐/ 𝗒𝗎𝗈𝗆𝗂 .ᐟ #and by kuni coming back i mean a rerun😭cause hoyo has this man locked away being a scholarly student at the akademiya or somthing LMAO #he’s just busy living the college student life guys ( i say that with hard copium )#BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE WE GET TO SEE ARLE and lyney <33 #god i still dont know who i want to pull for lyney or arle … and then i’ve been purposefully avoiding genshin cause kazu banner is up rn #and ik the moment i even peek at the wish screen im gonna start rolling 😭 .. i mean it wouldnt hurt right-

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zcls · 2 years

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first kiss, z.cl

synopsis you and chenle have been friends since you could begin to speak; every memory has him attached to it. when he asks you to teach him how to kiss before his first date with the girl of his dreams, although you’ve never kissed anyone before, you agree. after a kiss or two— feelings come to the forefront. genre gn!reader x chenle, childhood friends to lovers!au, warnings very small angst (?), mentions of comparing oneself to someone else, making out, kissing chenle for the first time! chenle is a bit handsy when it comes to kissing; nothing too serious! word count 2.7k

chenle was utterly infatuated; not with you, but with someone else. you saw it in his eyes whenever he spoke about the girl that he had been talking to for the past three weeks. you saw it in the spring in his step whenever he walked through your door for saturday movie nights that you two had shared every weekend since you were fourteen, and through the way he canceled on you the previous saturday because he was taking her out on an extravagant date. he viewed her as entirely perfect and although you had never met her in person— you started to see her as perfect too.

the problem with seeing her as perfect from all that you heard from your best friend’s point of view lied within the fact that your heart had been in his palms since your first day of freshman year of high school, when he locked his arm with yours, reassuring you that you would be okay; that he would be by your side through it all. his smile was warm, his eyes were a galaxy full of love for you—a friendly love— and stars all combined. you fell right then, and since, you haven’t been able to pick yourself back up; you haven’t been able to fully piece yourself back together.

now, you sit next to chenle as he types on his phone, an adoring smile plastering his visage that you had come to love so much. the hearty chuckle that escaped his heart-shaped lips caused your heart to ache— you only wished you could make him display such emotions. only in your dreams, that’s the only place where you could make him as happy as she did.

“y/n?” chenle asked, tearing himself away from his phone for a brief second to look over at you, who was shaking unknowingly, from the upset that filled your heart and the thoughts that played throughout your head as if a broken record.

“yes, chenle?” you questioned, turning around to face him. his eyes were still full of that friendly love, but there was a glint of concern that now filled his orbs. your heart ached more at the sight, knowing he could somewhat feel the pain that plagued your heart and filled your every thought. you wondered how he knew you so well; to be able to look at you and instantly know that something was out of the ordinary.

he knew you like the back of his hand though, truth be told. he knew the way your hands trembled when you were upset and how the movements of your hands changed when you were happy; you would do things softer, in a quicker motion, especially when you wrote in your journal. he knew that your lip quivered when you were about to break down in tears and how your eye twitched when you were angry. he knew everything about you, although you didn’t notice— he always paid attention to you, to everything about you.

he also knew that you hated when others asked about how you were feeling— you hated the intrusion. chenle knew that you’d come to him eventually; that you would explain how you are feeling and why you feel such a way. that was the beauty about your friendship; communication was always there.

so, he was going to ask you the next thing that appeared within his mind. he wanted to know how to kiss— how to give someone a genuine kiss, like how they’re portrayed in movies. he wanted his first kiss with the girl he’d been texting to be absolutely perfect, and you were just the person to go to. you were his best friend; you always helped him in times of need and you were always there with him, no matter what.

“do you know how to kiss someone?” he questioned, “like, the right way?” he asked, his face seeming full of anxiety. he had never asked anyone such a question and asking the person he’s had by his side since he was just a little boy seemed to make him even more fearful. he tapped his knee, wishing that he didn’t screw anything up within his relationship with you.

“you don’t know how to kiss her, do you?” you asked, tilting your head to the side, smiling at the boy in front of you whose cheeks were now tainted with crimson.

“i was kinda—,” began the boy, cheeks turning darker at each thought; the pure embarrassment of asking his best friend what was about to escape his champagne colored lips, “wondering if you could show me how to kiss her?”

you nearly choked on your own saliva at his words, heart beating faster and faster each second after. you were at a loss for words. your best friend was asking you, his best friend since the two of you were kids, to teach him how to kiss. hell, you’ve never had your first kiss before. you had no idea what you were supposed to do anyway, so how could you be of help to chenle at all? you felt as if you would only make the situation worse— for both him and your heart.

“you want me to kiss you?” you questioned, now playing softly with the hem of your shirt to distract you from your thoughts. he was all you could think about; from the top of his head where his soft hairs lie to his heels that press him firmly to the ground when he stands. each and every aspect of him filled your mind; it was as if the only thing in the world to exist within your brain was him. for that split moment, you really didn't mind.

"i want to kiss you to test the waters—," chenle said, clearing his throat and looking the other way to avoid any type of awkward eye contact with you, although he knew it wouldn't be that awkward. you were his best friend, after all, you always were there to help him learn new things. "you're my best friend, y/n. it wouldn't be weird at all."

you sighed softly, nodding your head to the boy and seeing his eyes light up with the gleam that you found yourself madly in love with. you saw the entire galaxy within the sole irises of his mahogany orbs and at times, it was almost as if you couldn't pull yourself from staring into them. you were so enamored by the way his eyes showed his emotions when his face didn't need to. each feature about him was perfect, and you wished your brain was merely a camera to capture each moment of him so you could never forget— so he was always there through euphoric memories within your brain when he wasn't in front of you.

without noticing, as you were lost in thought about the boy in front of you, chenle moved himself closer to you so your knees were now touching and you were facing one another. you couldn't help but smile at the goofy look on his face; he always looked so silly when it came to new things, like the time you two went on your first rollercoaster together and held hands the entire way through. he had the silliest of smiles plastered on his visage, but you could see the happiness placed there, too.

in that moment, you realized— chenle was always there for your firsts of something. he was there the first time you ever rode your bike without training wheels, the first time you drove your car with your license. he was there to be your first dance at homecoming your freshman year of high school, and your last during prom when your senior year caught up with you. he was there for you when you got your first pet, and there throughout the nights you sobbed when it left. he was always there to turn to; he was always, without complaint, by your side.

“instead of blabbering on, kiss me already, chenle.” you said finally, trying to loosen the muscles in your body that were tense at the thought of your lips touching. “you won’t learn anything for her if you keep sitting there, you know.”

chuckling at your works, chenle leaned in closer to you, cupping his hands around your face. he smiled softly at you, caressing your cheeks gently with his thumbs. you couldn’t help the swarm of butterflies within your stomach, he was just so beautiful.

from the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs to the way he looks at the things he loves; it was all beautiful. from his head to his feet, from the air above his head to the ground below him— nothing could get any more beautiful than that. you swore that there has never been a being in the world more beautiful—or just as beautiful— as him, and you believed entirely that there would never be enough.

he made you see the world in ways that you would have never seen it before him. the world is certainly not as beautiful as it may seem; as it ranges in beauty and fair ugliness— chenle was surely the true beauty in this cruel, yet, ugly world. no words could possibly describe how truly wonderful he is in your eyes. everything he does, everything he touches— it holds some type of beauty because it has touched him.

the smiles that kisses his lips daily, the reason for light. the laughs that he lets out when he's happy, the reason for happiness. the way he holds your hand when you’re anxious, the way he doesn’t care about what others think of your friendship; the reason to keep trying. the small smiles he gives you when he looks up from his phone and sees you glancing at him; the reason to keep your heart open.

chenle’s lips touched yours, causing you to let out a gasp at his warm touch. his lips were soft and tasted of vanilla, causing you to wonder if he was the one who took your vanilla chapstick from your glovebox. his kiss was an eager one, full of willingness to learn for the girl he liked so very much, and that caused your heart to only become sore at the thought.

he pulled away and looked at you with warm, comforting eyes that also held worry within them. he pursed his lips. “was that good?” he questioned.

you could only nod in response, quietly hoping that he would kiss you again. you felt your heart beating against your ribcage, and you knew that you wanted his lips connected to yours once more. it was as if you entered your own special heaven with his lips attached to yours and with that; it was a heaven you never wanted to leave.

chenle’s thoughts were preoccupied though, with thoughts of you, and just how right it felt kissing you in that moment. you and chenle—the most exciting bunch around. meeting only at age three at a playground and becoming instantly close, you both felt as if you had known each other your entire life.

you went to parties together, you laughed and cried together; you did everything with one another. he helped you study when you were completely lost, always cheering you on with the you're doing great’s and the occasional you got this!’ speeches.

he helped you when things felt like they were crashing down; he made things stable. he made it feel like things were going to get better, with time, at least. he always reminded you how it was okay to make mistakes and that no matter what, you're human. no amount of failures could make you less of a human; they only make you stronger.

late night's with your hands intertwined watching television, he couldn't help but admire how lovely you are— how lucky he is to call you his best friend. the things you did were always in a platonic manner, seeming how you, of course, were merely silent about love and how you wanted to pursue it. he never knew what you wanted, due to the fact that you never initiated anything with him out of your sheer timidness, which caused him to run and stick with people who he didn’t even want anything romantic with. all that because he was waiting— waiting hopelessly for you.

he realized then that he was in love with you, too— that the looks he gave you weren’t out of concern, but out of love. he realized that the things he wrote in his journal about you, including the songs, weren’t just a phase of a young boy feeling puppy love, but rather a boy who was growing up and feeling the love of the most important person in his life.

“can i kiss you again?” chenle asked softly, rubbing the back of his neck as the words escaped his lips. his shyness caught your attention, causing your stomach to erupt with butterflies and euphoria.

“of course, chenle,” you began, “you can kiss me again.” you didn’t even have to finish your sentence before his lips were connected to yours once more. but this time, his kiss was filled with more fervor than what it was to begin with. it was as if he was no longer kissing you for practice, but as if he asked to kiss you again to genuinely kiss you.

your lips molded perfectly together as you kissed, his hands rubbing the outer part of your thighs. you then moved yourself to straddle his lap, having him chuckle against your lips at the movement. you had no idea what you were doing, honestly, there was nothing except passion filling your brain. you wanted to kiss him until you could no longer breathe— you wanted to kiss him until the world ended and you hoped that if it did, you could find a possible way to kiss him again.

as you straddled his lap, his hands found their way underneath your shirt to softly caress your waist. you felt yourself fall more in love with the boy in front of you, whom you were currently making out with. you would have never ever thought you’d be in this position with chenle, your best friend, who you believed was in love with someone else.

you pulled away to look at him, your eyes glimmering with love and lust to kiss him once again. you couldn’t help but think— why were you two in this position? was it because he saw you as someone he could potentially be with, or was it because it was his way of practicing for the girl he was supposed to see in the upcoming days?

“chenle,” you breathed as the boy leaned his forehead to touch yours; a meaningless gesture to some, but you felt your heart swell up. it was romantic, and you couldn’t get enough.

“yeah, baby?” he asked, causing you to feel dizzy at the nickname that he rarely gave you unless you were upset and he was calming you down.

“was that—,” you begin, catching yourself shaking slightly at the thought of the words that were just about to fall from your lips, “for practice? you know, for your date in a few days?”

chenle only laughed at you, his mellifluous laugh filled the air as you stared back at him. he was so beautiful when he laughed— he always looked as if he was the happiest being alive when he did so, and nothing made you happier than seeing his inexplicable happiness.

“i wouldn’t have kissed you again if it weren’t for you.” he said, now caressing your hips with his thumbs since you didn’t leave your previous position of atop his lap. “i realized halfway through our first kiss that you are the only person i ever want to kiss.”

you felt your cheeks heat up with crimson; “you want to only kiss me?” you inquired, causing the boy to shake his head before leaning down and kissing you again.

“more than you’ll ever know,” he said softly against your lips— leaving your heart in flutters.

you no longer had to worry about chenle and his short-lived relationships with others, because you knew now that his heart was yours, entirely yours. as the tears brimmed your mahogany eyes, you reached for his hand and kissed it gently. with his hand in yours, you sat in a comfortable silence for a moment, adoration filling the air.

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