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the-silentium · 4 years

Text

It hurts

Masterlist

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Reader

Words: 3338 words

Warnings: ANGST, murder, blood, swearing, mention of desire to die.

Requested by: Anon

I loved your song fic “Folded messages” so much, and I saw u said we could send. I decided to give it a shot :”) obviously don’t feel obligated to do it, I’ll respect if u don’t want to ☺️☺️ I am sucker for old songs, and I think they fit so well with 5. I was wondering if a 5 fic with the song “Can’t take my eyes off of you” would be possible. I don’t rly have a plot in mind, maybe when Five meets reader in commission, or just somewhere between S1 or S2. I apologize if this is too general :”)

A/N: I know the song was out in 1967 and that it wasn’t out when the fic take place, but let’s forget about that detail, okay? Okay. Dear anon, I’m sure you wanted fluff, but I don’t know, I can’t really explain myself. It just happened.

As the ultimate warm breath of your latest victim escaped her mouth, the pain flashing through your entire body intensified until you found yourself falling on your knees. Every nerve in your body was ablaze, the feeling of your insides burning and melting away was excruciating, breaking the remnants of your already shattered mind. Millenniums passed and you never got used to the pain. This pain that you couldn't fight or attenuate. This pain that, with each passing century, fed on your sanity and created the monster that you were now. This pain that clearly wanted you to die, but something else within every cell of your being was fighting fiercely against it. Making you live. Live in pain. It hurts.

The once warm body of the young lady was now cold, the room now bathed in moonlight instead of sun rays. Getting up, you barely noticed how your clothes stuck to your body, enormous patches of dried blood keeping them glued to your skin. You staggered on your feet as the world shifted and your vision filled with dark fireflies. You took a deep breath and made your way up the stairs where you knew you could find a change of clothes. As you reached the stairs, your eyes caught movement out of the kitchen window.

Two tall white-haired men forced the lock of the store next door. Their expressions weren't visible in the darkness of the alley, but the dim light of a nearby lamppost reflected on the guns badly hidden under their coats.

A new wave of blood lust drowned your senses, replacing your hurting thoughts with angry ones. Rushing out of the apartment, you made your way to the slightly open door, thinking how unfair it was that everyone around you could die with something as simple as a bullet or a stab wound, yet you couldn't. It hurts.

You were pulled out of your thoughts by a large form blocking your view. Steely-blue eyes glared at you, the knife in his hand shining under the neons above, ready to pierce your heart in one swift movement if you were to make a move towards them. You weren’t intimidating in any way, your petite form along with your soft features wasn’t why the giant was alert.

Not only was your entire front almost covered in blood, but the atmosphere around you was definitely the most dangerous he ever encountered. The hair on his neck and arms raised as soon as your gaze found his. Once before had he felt like that, the faithful evening he and his brothers were doing check-ups on their traps set into the woods in hope of having a nice dinner the day after. Otto remembered the fear he felt when they were met with a lone-wolf missing a back leg, said leg still stuck into the fangs of their trap. A tingling sensation around the scar of his eye disturbed the Swede, the vivid memory of his flesh being slashed open flashing before his eyes. He remembers the desperation and insanity glazing the yellow eyes of the wolf, the same desperation and insanity that were dancing in your own (e/c) ones. What was terrifying him was the intelligence hidden under the surface. You were a predator in disguise-

Screams resonated through the room as Axel started to torture the ally of their brother’s murderer, surely thinking that Otto had the matter under control. Your head turned back on the bloody scene unfolding before you, allowing Otto to fill his lungs with air, the first time in almost a minute. Otto stiffened as you moved, relaxing a little when you made your way to the other side of the room to sit on a sofa.

“I won’t steal your prey.” Your eyes were fixed on the man being tortured, the blood oozing from his nose and mouth. How the pain caused his muscles to constrict- “I just want to watch.”

And watch you did. The giant’s attention was on you, but you couldn’t care less. You enjoyed every moment of the blue-coated man’s torture session, liking his style. You let them drench their washcloths with the dead man’s blood before making your way to the body. Out of habit, you reached for its neck, searching delicately for a pulse, even faint. Your nostrils flared when you found none, once again facing the injustice of your curse. His pain was gone while yours was still there. His torturer let him go while yours, whoever it was, kept you suffering day after day, year after year, and so on for… You didn’t remember for how long. You’ve been alive for so long that you didn’t remember why or when you were cursed. Wasn’t it unfair? Being cursed for a reason you didn’t even remember? It hurts.

The barrel of a gun refreshed the burning skin of your temple for a moment, making you close your eyes in delight. The feeling was very short-lived, though, the fire intensifying to cover the pleasant sensation. You reopened your eyes to meet the two white-haired men, the tallest pointing you with his gun from a good distance, while the blue-coated one was close enough to touch your head with his weapon. You turned slowly towards them, the gun now pressing onto your forehead.

“No witness.” His accent reminded you of your time in Scandinavian lands. You could see his eyes analyzing your blood coated features, trying to understand how a beautiful young woman like you in her early twenties could appear as such a dreadful sight. You saw it for a split second, the hardening of his gaze, milliseconds before his mind decided that it was enough and his finger pulled the trigger.

As the bullet entered the front of your skull, you wondered if your gaze hardened too just before you gave the final blows to your prey. Do they know when all hope is to be abandoned?

You didn’t fall to the floor as the Swedish men expected. Nor did blood escaped the bullet wound into your head. Instead of blood, a blackish liquid escaped the hole into your forehead, tainting your red-coated skin with a viscous dark trail. It hurts.

“Too bad then. No one gets what they want.” You simply stated as if this was the most evident thing in the world.

Out of respect for their handy work on the shop clerk, you tilted your head slightly in their direction as the wound into your head started to close slowly, your curse stubbornly keeping you alive and well, before walking away to explore the rest of the shop. You ignored how their footsteps were hurried or how they called you a demon in their native tongue, focusing instead on the files scattered under a coffee table. You didn’t know why you crouched to get them, but you did and you read them. Every page.

By the time you were done, you were seated at the edge of the sofa once again. A tall blonde guy and a dark-haired one entered the room, too scandalized about the dead body of their friend and the markings on the floor below to notice you reading one of the tv brochures you found lying around. When they did though, your reading material was snatched from your hands, and a knife threatened the skin of your throat.

You had hoped that the metal would be as satisfying as the barrel of the gun was, but you had no such luck. You huffed in disappointment before dropping your hands to your knees. It hurts.

“Who are you?” The dark-haired man pressed you, the sharp side of the knife digging slightly into your skin.

You glared at him from your position, not impressed one bit.

“If I tell you I’ll have to kill you.” You replied cockily. You could have fun before opening his throat with his own knife.

You expected the knife to cut your skin, definitely not for blondie to pull his buddy away and reach for you with his big hand. You gnashed as the hand approached you, both in anger and anticipation. Just as he was about to grab your neck, a blue flash enveloped him, and he reappeared in another flash, at the opposite side of the room. Behind the tall blonde, a younger boy with wide blue eyes watched, surprised.

He returned to his senses when knife guy made a move towards you. It hurts.

“Don’t touch her Diego!” He hurriedly yelled, teleporting before Diego and pushing on his chest to keep him away.

“Move, Five! She killed Elliott!” He tried to push the boy but ended like the blond on the other side of the room.

You got up, unsure of what was happening. Never in your endless life had you encountered someone who could teleport around.

“No, she didn’t! Didn’t you idiots see the ‘öga för öga’ down there? It’s Swedish for an eye for an eye. The Swedes killed Elliot.” He pointed at you, still facing the men. “She was a witness. She got shot in the head.”

You frowned, intrigued that the boy seemed to know you got shot despite the absence of a hole in your head. Sure, the dark trail was still there, running from your forehead to the bottom of your chin, but there was no way he could have known that this was actually your very own cursed rotten blood.

“How do you know?” Your voice shot into the room, quieting the heated argument between the three males.

“Because I know you, Y/N.” You paused, hearing your name for the first time in centuries. He stopped, thinking his words through. “In the future, we are friends.”

You frowned, debating the veracity of his words. In the future? He indeed looked from another time, in his weird clothing, but also because this time would have made a scandal about his powers. You had a hard time believing that you could have a friend. You huffed, shooking your head.

“Impossible. How do you know my name?”

The boy shot a glare to the men before turning toward you.

“You told me, because like I said, we are friends.” He walked in your direction, stopping a meter away. “I know that you are cursed.” You perked up at that, caught off guard. “I know that you react very violently to anyone touching you because your skin burns even more than it already does.” He chuckled slightly, his gaze holding yours with something that shook you to your very core, softness. “I experienced it first hand. You broke my arm and would have choked me to death if I hadn’t jumped.”

The softness in his eyes morphed into something else, something you weren’t used to. You never experienced it yourself, but you certainly witnessed it. Affection. It almost scared you off, the muscles in your legs wanting nothing more than to be of use and take you far away, away from his caring blue gaze.

What kept you there was the blood on his face and shirt. Could he be like you?

“Shit. We’ll talk more later. We have more important to do.” He turned to his brothers, a new urgency in his tone and movements. “I found a way to get back to our timeline.” He walked to a nearby room and you tuned them out, instead focusing on yourself.

Could you trust him? He obviously knew you and you once were -or will be- trusting him enough to tell him about yourself. You never opened up to anyone before, your anger was way too great in your younger years. Now that you thought about it, you couldn’t even remember the total of number of people who died from your hands. It hurts.

“What about doomsday?” Your head turned to the dark-haired guy, interested in his words.

“Won’t happen.”

“And the 2019 apocalypse?”

“Everything will be back to normal.”

What apocalypse? You watched them fuss around, totally confused. The boy stopped before you, presenting you his arm. No, it hurts.

“I know fabric hurt less than skin to skin contact.” Your confusion was clearly written onto your face, forcing him to explain. “I’m taking you with me.”

You almost asked him why, but decided against it, a plan already forming into your brain. You grabbed his sleeve softly and in a second you were in the passenger seat of a car. The engine roared to life when the boy-

“What’s your name?”

He turned to you, surprised for a second before genuinely smiling and turning back to the road.

“Five.”

“How old are you really?” He smirked.

“I knew you’d catch up quickly.” His eyes shifted from the road to you, lingering on your face like he was replaying some memories to himself. “58.”

You hummed and turned to the window. You watched the buildings disappear, letting the trees stand high to the sky. The countryside road was a bit bumpy but you didn’t mind. You rolled down the window, letting the wind appease the fire under your skin for a little while.

You had to admit that the silence between the two of you was pleasant. Maybe you really were friends.

“So an apocalypse is coming, eh?” You sit your back to the door, facing Five. You pulled your legs to your chest, your arms hugging them to keep them close so your chin could rest on your knees. You didn’t care that the dress you wore wasn’t covering the back of your tights, but it seemed that this detail was bothering him, his cheeks reddening quickly.

“Y-yes.” He turned back straight ahead and coughed to hide his embarrassment. “Our presence here created an apocalypse that will happen in a couple of days. Don’t worry though, I’ll stop it.”

You chuckled when you noticed him peaking back in your direction, his eyes clearly not focussing on your face this time. His blush spread from his cheeks to his neck and for the very last time, he turned his eyes ahead and kept them there.

You reached a farm where two women were talking outside, without a care in the world. You waited for Five into the car, patiently planning into your head. Fortunately, Five didn’t think that this would take too long, so he let the car running, allowing you to turn up the radio volume slightly.

Five came back and you were humming to a song, ignoring the fact that he was beyond pissed that one of the women didn’t follow him as he wanted. He drove the car back to the road, fuming but keeping it all inside, not wanting to cause you to stop humming to the songs.

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

You'd be like Heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much

At long last, love has arrived

And I thank God I'm alive

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

Now was the time. You lived your whole life, wanting this. To die, to find peace, to stop suffering. Five was the key. In fact, he was an obstacle. You couldn’t let him stop the apocalypse. You wanted to die and the apocalypse would grant your wish. There was no way your curse could protect you from that. It hurts.

Pardon the way that I stare

There's nothin' else to compare

The sight of you leaves me weak

There are no words left to speak

But if you feel like I feel

Please let me know that it's real

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

You stopped humming, finally noticing that Five had stopped at the side of the road and was watching you intently, a smile at the corner of his lips. You opened your mouth to ask him what was wrong, frowning, until he cut you off.

“I know you don’t remember it because it didn’t yet happen for you, but there was a time when you stopped calling for death and enjoyed living.”

You froze at his words, wondering if he could read thoughts too. It hurts so much.

“You’re lying.” You couldn’t imagine anything worth enduring your suffering so why would he tell you that? To save his skin?

I love you, baby

And if it's quite alright

I need you, baby

To warm the lonely night

I love you, baby

Trust in me when I say

Oh, pretty baby

Don't bring me down, I pray

Oh, pretty baby

Now that I've found you, stay

And let me love you, baby

Let me love you

“I’m not. This song was playing on an old iPod when you told me.” You lifted an eyebrow at him, slowly positioning your legs to jump forward to kill him. “If you really think that the apocalypse will kill you, you are wrong. You survived and you met me there. That’s where we became friends.”

“Prove it.” Your heart was beating erratically, desperately wanting his words to be wrong. You wanted to be free. This life hurts. IT HURTS.

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

You'd be like Heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much

At long last, love has arrived

And I thank God I'm alive

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off you

Five reached into his pants pocket, taking out a colored photo. The quality wasn’t god, but you could see yourself, curled up against a dark-haired man on a loveseat, holding his free hand while kissing his cheek. His smile reminded you of Five’s.

Your eyes were fixed on your lips touching his face. How you seemed so unbothered by the fire eating at your nerves. This couldn’t be possible. Even the idea of doing it caused your own pain to accentuate. Ithurtsithurtsithurts-

“I found a disposable camera and used up the film. I kept it and when I came back in 2019 I had it developed.”

I love you, baby

And if it's quite alright

I need you, baby

To warm the lonely night

I love you, baby

Trust in me when I say

Oh, pretty baby

Don't bring me down, I pray

Oh, pretty baby

Now that I've found you, stay

Oh, pretty baby

Trust in me when I say

Oh, pretty baby

The news hit you hard. Your body was shaking uncontrollably, tears ran down your cheeks, sobs escaped your mouth. It has been a while since you’d had your last breakdown although any one of them could compare to this one. At least, before you had hope that something, somewhere you finally end you. Your hopes were now crushed. It. Hurts.

The pain in your shoulder exploded, earning a cry from your lips. Out of reflex, your fist shot straight ahead, colliding with his shoulder and successfully breaking the contact between the both of you. Quickly, you turned around and shot the door open in a haste, almost running away from him. You wanted to die. You wanted to die. You needed to- A flash of blue followed by Five’s appearance before you stopped you in your tracks abruptly, causing you to fall on your knees for the second time this day.

Your desperation morphed into pain and your pain into anger. How dare he ruin your life? How dare he crush your hopes? If you could choose, you would have preferred to still have your hopes, at least they kept you going. What were you supposed to do now without anything to live for? Please help me. It hurts.

“I’ll help you.” His voice was soft, as he was approaching a wounded animal. Well, maybe you were.

You were a wolf whose leg was trapped in a hunter’s trap. You would do anything to free yourself. You were desperate, you were insane, you were intelligent.

And you were forgetful.

It wouldn’t hurt to kill him. In due time, you would forget him. Like you forgot everything else until you became what you were now. Humanity’s wrath.

Please, it hurts.

#five hargreeves x reader #number five x reader #five hargreeves imagine #number five imagine #The Umbrella Academy #tua s2 #psychosis #murder #the swedes #it hurts got it?

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aceactuall · 3 years

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That anon keeps coming back?? They can come to me and we can sort this out personally. I would buy commissions from you any day of the week, because what's special about your art is your ability to turn something really scary into something so adorable. Not a lot of people can do that. And, objectively speaking, your line work is clean, you're good at perspective and lighting, and you can do your art both from memory and using references (as far as I can tell, I could be wrong). You're good at what you do, and I sincerely urge you to keep up with that genuine passion that you have for art. Ily!!! 💕

BsbsgusjshshaujGWJAHAFAGSJGSGSGSYHSHSGtttttthnkthankyou...im crying

I just rly love how much you care of my art....why r u SO nice to me...thx alot...

And I think I'll be fine, since that anon haven't appeared here for few days. Again thanks for all your supports!!

#ask #💘💝💖💗💓💞💕

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staysuki · 3 years

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CHAPTER 24 WAS FULL OF DRAMA LMAO

OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL - wtf jeongin AHHAHAHAA is this some kind of commission why did he say yes to literally everyone who asked him out 😭 like imagine going on a dance with him and he just says "oops youre time has run out, next in line please" out of nowhere 💀 im not saying i find light mode weird pero parang ganon na nga. all my apps are on dark mode xd on one boring afternoon i tried light mode just because and i think im alrdy 50% blind 👁️💧👄💧👁️

lol hyunjin dcurb mo ean but shes got a point, hyunjin told her to fuck off yet he initiated a chat to show his jealousy :"> well in his defense, hes confused af buT sTILL hyunjin hurt y/n so much by his words. aaaaaaa but aaaa puchaaaa bat aq kinikilig sa "what if you are" e hes the enemy rn 😠 lee know pakisundo po si y/n. blocking is indeed self-care 🥰 i love this y/n the best out of all the y/ns in your stories :>

--------------------- jajajsjajdjajdajsajdasjdsa---------------------

HAHAHAHAHA SELF-HIRED CUPID SEUNGMIN AT UR SERVICE 🙇🙏 HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA 😭 i mean is this even considered "cupid-ing"? hes literally just posing as y/n Y^Y and him complimenting himself as y/n is so funny HAHAHHA the chatting he used is even 1% close to how y/n texts 😭 unless she talks like that only to changbin huhu and how y/ns attitude changed so fast when the topic concerns seungmin breaking her phone 😭 and wow seungmin has a big problem :"< i think this will take a big turn later on,,,,,

I LOVE THE UPDATES TODAY <33333 ahha dick btw i am not professional at tumblr usage so im not sure if ur drafts will get deleted :<< and the app on my phone and ipad also is buggy, i thinks its just the update not sureee

ill be waiting for the experimental fic hehesz iM SORRY FOR SPOILING ,, ANYWAYS THE MV IS beautiful✨ WATCH IT IF YOU HAVE THE TIME 😩 the tattoos are really cuteeeee ,, and same if ever ill get one in the future, itd be smth related to their songs. i like the heart you made and the nice tattoo on your leg 😗 its rly cute and clean wow how were the other 12 mini tattoos you did? did it come out well?

SQUID GAME IS RLY RLY RLY GOOD but yes it will get more gory the longer you watch. i finished it alrdy and give it a 1000/10 ,, tho its bc i like watching stuff like those jfsbfas you think youll be able to finish it?

BTW CONGRATS EHALOJ IS GETTING MORE RECOGNITION NOW, I JUST REALIZED. you deserver it ash <333

- bs

indeed, i loved that update too 😤 though i think the final two updates are also chef’s kiss 🤌🤌🤌 and i’m excited to put those out.

playboy jeongin, maknae on top feelsz si mamser 😩. di siya papatalo sa harem ni y/n JSHWJSHSHS. dating speedrun vibes.

also i’m 100% on team dark mode as well but sometimes i miss light mode idk why 😩 plus i’m too lazy to label the diff perspectives so like, i’ll just do it by colour. YHAM kim seungmin def feels like a lightmode boi anyways 🤔🤔🤔

everyone hatin on hyunjin rn but its true, he’s v v confused and clueless about everything and he’s siding with yeji bc #family ahu 👉😔👈. “he’s the enemy rn” PLSSS. kiliq sana dun sa line if only nasend errr 💔. lee know-shii talaguh? what about seungmin and felix, they are also contenders 😩🤌. and also ty :,>>> i like her too, she’s very chill and mellow but not a pushover ifykwim. dun sa kim seungmin fic i’m going for the more suplada y/n route so let’s hope i can write that well :(((((

SELF PROCLAIMED CUPID THAT’S UNWANTED 😭💔 poor y/n. seungmin’s flirting game (as y/n) kinda weak 😩 and yes he can’t help that jokingly egoistic self compliment na super out of place JSHWJSHSHS. and yes, y/n def doesn’t talk like that but changbin isn’t that close to her so he hasn’t noticed yet 🤔🤔🤔 i wonder how that’ll go. seungmin is a menace™️ but also he’s a poor boy 💔💔💔💔. we stan #seungminperalta.

thank uuu <333 dick i loved it as well :(((( im probs gonna try save some of my drafts then try to redownload the app cuz its getting harder to use na 💔💔💔 esp with the pictures and see more text huhu.

imma write it once i get inspo or else it’s gonna be just a full-on 500 word drabble 😭. and its okay! i watched in na cuz i can no longer avoid the spoilies on tumblr. the song is so good :((( and letse akala ko naman sexy floor dance, parang yung sa back door movings lang pala 😭 either way seungmin still looking fine af. my boy finally getting the solo screentime he deserves 🤌🤌🤌🤌.

thank u for the tats compliment i worked hard on them :,)))) the others are a bit messy but i’ll be fixing them over the course of the week and i’ll post pics once it’s cleaner looking. i’m proud of the ones that i used my non-dominant hand to make hehe, multitalented queen shit 😩. i’m semi-ambidextrous but i didn’t think i can tattoo with my left hand, super amazing discovery, will flex.

i’ll be taking a long time in finishing it but i’m writing comments every time there’s a good scene just to keep my attention. i’m trying to overcome my gore problem as well but i rly cant handle looking at the screen when the killing scenes come up 😩.

AND THANK U OMG!! i’m also surprised that so many people are liking it 🥺🥺🥺 this is a picture of my notes (masterlist) back when i just started-ish the fic in june:

back then i was already like “omg theres so many people, let me list them down so i don’t forget them” and now theres even more!!!! so amazing honestly, it’s a good thing EHALOJ will be continuing for a long time :,))) i can’t wait to show everyone the different arcs hehe.

#anon: bub stop.#ehaloj thoughts

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liyuesbian · 3 years

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yeah I honestly liked all of the inazuma 5* quests we've done so far! I think they all added something to those respective characters, save for ayaka's (it did further her characterization but also,,, a literal date. I think it was endearing but it made her feel kinda 2d? idk) I feel like the first two were kinda filler mostly because 2.0 was sorta the calm before the storm,,, (although why were we so passive fjdsfks i feel like the traveler needs to seek out stuff by themselves more lmao) raiden is finally someone who's both girlboss and kind and not reduced to either extreme (or limited to "(hot) wife material"), which is very very good

about the archons: YEAH I love Zhongli very much but I think he owes the adepti (at least) a Full explanation... he did mention that he hinted to both the Qixing and adepti that he's not dead but ganyu's dialogue when we were getting glaze lilies for the rite of parting AAAA I was so miffed Zhongli couldn't have taken her aside to tell her right there. Xiao too, literally they would be so worried for him and they deserve to hear it from him personally dammit >:|

I think the reasoning for the "test" was like. the traveler has a voiceline that basically says: if people knew Morax walked through Liyue every day, they would just go to him for advice, hang onto his every word and try to analyze and reanalyze it all the time, like with Ningguang's paper snow. I feel like that would be the scenario if Morax stepped down peacefully, since everyone would know he still exists; he doesn't get a good retirement and Liyue still relies on gods too much. trying to drown the city was a bit overkill (childe... o-o) but I will hesitantly trust Zhongli when he says he could and would save Liyue if it truly needed him.

also true true! the people still really believe in the archons, even with barbatos who's been absent for so long (venti...), and even after their gnoses are gone and all. it's cool how they have vastly different governance styles but their whole nation More or Less respects them

baal/ei hate is so uncalled for though wtf. At least Raiden's still doing her job unlike her slacking coworkers Zhongli and Venti. and regardless of whether she's done right or wrong, people can like fictional characters who've done bad things.... why must you inject morality into your personal faves :| (genshin fandom highkey sucks oml)

yeah!! the resistance barely got a mention except for Gorou in the end scene, and it's like ??? the war is over? or? it just went by too fast and it felt like in the end the resistance were mere pawns, since the real stuff was resolved by us and Yae (paimon's line that's like "they aren't a match for the raiden shogun" at the battle cutscene is the epitome of the resistance in 2.3)

nobody has explained to me how the resistance got into Tenshukaku/Inazuma City in the first place either 😩 it is nice to see you, Kazuha and Gorou, but what are you doing here?

-welcometoteyvat (eh you can call me by mystic or my url lol, I don't really care, and I think I returned your rant with a longer rant too hsdfsa)

AJWADAH hi mystic! i love how this turned into a "thoughts about 2.1!" discussion into a whole genshin discussion #''1?2!! AND I'M ALL FOR THIS BACK AND FORTH THING

(here we go again, 2.1 spoilers below the cut)

yes!! this date thing with the female characters needs to stop... and actually, i would've loved to know more about baal's friends in the actual story quest (like with venti) instead of having to explore inazuma to find out more (but i will admit that i do lowkey like how the lore is hidden inside teyvat's nooks and crannies but in the case of la signora... not really. we should've learned more abt her first before her death instead of us having to look at an artifact set's description. i'll forgive mhy for this though - maybe we'll get to know her more when snezhnaya releases) and i share your sentiments about raiden/ei! what a girlboss!

MHM i wasn't gonna get into the whole thing with the adepti and venti's extreme laziness but hey, it's here now lmao and right?! but hinting is not good enough for me >:( AHHAHA he owes xiao and ganyu so much they're basically avid followers of his and they have history togther but he doesn't even tell them the truth?! >:(

yepp i remember that but even then, he could've just said "yo i'm stepping down. you won't know who i am bc i'll be anonymous or whatever"... and it seems like zhongli had already integrated himself well in liyue. nobody questioned his sudden appearance or mentions when he came to be wangsheng's consultant (maybe there is but i can't rmbr anything off the top of my head)

RIGHT?! goddamn raiden is trying her best out here!! i'm not excusing her actions or ei's ignorance towards the inazuman modern society pre-raiden quest but she's still trying to run her country and the corruption of a certain influential department didn't rly help either. (and yep the genshin fandom does suck D: we don't have to "moralise" every aspect of fiction!!)

exactlyyyy and again, traveller saves the day !!!! i get that they have main character armour or wtv but still, aren't they a bit too invincible? they defeated an actual ARCHON on the second try && i can't believe it only took two people to stop an entire war which had people suffering, trying to escape inazuma and the tenryou commission and some even went MAD and had personality changes when they lost their visions but now it's all fine and dandy?

OH MY GOD that's true! i didn't think about that.. how did the resistance get into tenshukaku so quickly when they were, what, two islands away?

sigh 2.1 was messy

#phi rambles #WAS SMILING THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS #READING UR MSG BC I SO AGREE!!!#answered

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weebsinstash · 5 years

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I originally found you through your Overwatch fics and I remember the one you wrote with Roadhog being a big fav of mine! I know u don't rly take commissions or anything but I have $100 set aside just for u if u ever decide to open for comms! Stay cool and keep writing those saucy fics! Luv - 🐷 anon

You're too sweet omg 😍 I feel kinda guilty cause all these people ask if I wanna do commissions but it ultimately comes down to me being a coward. I have no idea what I would even charge and I'm no good with deadlines and like... what if someone wants to commish something and I can't do it. Like I'm just not inspired or it grosses me out. It'd be so awkward and nervewracking to turn them down it makes me nervous just thinking about it lmao 💀Maybe some day I'll stop being a coward

And gosh yeah that Roadhog fic was fun, I always meant to do more but I eventually fell out of overwatch which was partially do to me havinga shitty laptop. Someday I want to get a nice gaming PC and maybe I'd get back into it? I dunno. I'm a sucker for big scary morally dubious guys though 😳 and big scary murderers who have a soft spot for cute things like plushies and ice cream and piggies (and his darling)

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covnterfeiit · 4 years

Text

( adeline rudolph, demigirl, they/she, kingdom hearts ) * &. i know it must be scary for you, xion, after surviving the takeover. to turn into someone like shiloh moon, a twenty-one year-old clerk at one-up arcade and baker & clerk at born and bread castle town, right here in castle town. just remember that you are as optimistic as you are forgettable, and to be wary, be safe, be true to who you are : neutral through and through. ( lightning mcdumbydumb )

HELLLOOOOO folks m’name is still HYLIA and welcome to probably not only one of the most tragic fuckin’ characters in game history but ALSO the most tragic intro in the history of ever since... this is gonna be baaaaaad. not gonna lie.

— BEFORE CASTLE TOWN. / X I O N

S’OOOOKAY i will admit i’m not the most knowledgeable person on KH lore but I do know the twist & turns of this beautiful character but even so i STILL don’t trust myself since I did watch all the cutscenes a bit ago and i couldn’t even get through playing kh3 bc i honestly,,,, just couldn’t get into a groove and kh lore cONFUSES THE HELL OUT OF ME but !

if u have any kh questions i’ll pull a tommy n just say ask him/fae/bailey since they’re way better at explaining than i could and FOR SURE know more than me.

bt i can tell u the important fax of xion,,, i’ll probs forget some stuff but i rly am gonna try n keep this short bc i have replies + commission stuff + d&d stuff + admin stuff probably to do and SOMEHOW i thought it was a bright idea to pick up my seventh character !

but alright alright ALRIGHT so.

xion is basically.. well, long story short, they weren’t supposed to fucking exist.

the basis is they’re an imperfect replica of roxas made of sora’s memories by organization xiii, kind of like their backup if roxas/sora didn’t do what the org(tm) needed them to do.

THIS MEANS like them, they can wield the keyblade.

buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut since xion was initially just meant to be a puppet ( i honestly liken them to the kh version of an A.I. ), u can probably guess in typical story fashion(tm) their creators’ plans go awry since xion starts to... wait for it... develop a personality & free will & sense of personality

or well as much as nomura is willing to give a female character- // BRICKED

aka, xion and roxas, who’s tasked with looking after them, being fast friends. they also befriend axel but in tHIS TIME,,,, there’s an issue. because they also come in contact with riku which throws xion off since now they start questioning their identity. bc them wielding the keyblade is apparently ?? a nono ??

and they eventually go w/ riku to find answers and then axel’s like SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS and takes them back to the org(tm).

then things really turn for a loop when xemnas’ plans start working - xion becomes better attuned with the keyblade as roxas’ power wanes, which ,,, ain’t good.

- i’m interrupting this to tell u all as i’m checking my phone to make sure i cover all my points my battery is at 69% NICE -

this is when xion and namine come in contact and they have a lil chitchat and xion uncovers the truth of how they fit in this godfucked hullabaloo - which... they don’t. they’re an anomaly made of memories and like beings made of memories do, once the memories are returned, xion will not only cease to exist but also the memories of them in everyone else will fade.

so this is a catch 22 for xion, giving them an ultimatum - either they continue existing as xemnas’ puppet and roxas loses his power, leaving everything to go to shit OR they go back into sora, but nobody remembers them & the heroic sacrifice they made & the bonds they formed with their friends

because xion is a fucking good person they decide to go back into sora but then axel’s like SUPRISE MOTHERFUCKER X2 and. yeah.

now,,, this is where things get sad.

xion knows what’ll happen if they continue living - roxas will disappear, and xemnas will get what he wants. so they pretty much act like they’re all in xemnas’ hands now and pretty much force roxas to fight them so they can be set free & the memories they’ve absorbed can be returned. and yeah they’re OP as FUCK but somehow roxas defeats them and they die, fading away like shattered glass and saying some sad as hell shit

and this is where jesse mccartney asks ‘bUt wHo aM i sUpPoSeD to hAvE iCe CrEaM wItH’

yeah.

it’s also xion’s first ct memory, nice !

but yeah and LIKE NAMINE PREDICTED.... everyone’s memories of them do fade but it takes longer than expected.

and then kh3 rolls around and there’s some even more fuckshit i can’t explain but eVERYONE is happy and reunited and somehow xion’s back thanks to more replica shenanigans so ?? cool ??

yeah.

— AFTER CASTLE TOWN. / S H I L O H

okay so for starters because I still can’t wrap my head around their KH3 involvement, I’m going to be pulling from Xion after their death. Fun times !!

bUT in CT they were reborn as Shiloh Moon , younger sister to Ven Moon and someone who... never really knew their place in the universe.

they grew up not really thinking they had any kind of talent for anything since they never stuck with the same people, never got into the same things - nothing was consistent and shiloh always felt like someone who just.. clung to other people and tried to mold with the crowd.

they kind of are still in a similar state - but they work at both the arcade & bakery; the latter is actually due to an interest of theirs, they love ice cream more than baking but making pastries is a little easier than making ice cream.

the arcade’s simply because it’s fun and shiloh’s never really had a consistent friend group so. they’re honestly there to make friends and money.

they’re not enrolled in college because again they don’t know what they want to do and it’s a little awkward since... well... ven’s the librarian but yk.

they DID survive the takeover so they know who they really are - and they’re sort of using this opportunity to try and live out another life like they wanted but they’re convinced that again, when ct fades, they’ll also fade again and basically, they’re on a clock until this place unravels.

so shiloh’s eager to figure out themselves and try and make themselves their own person - they’re generally very shy and softspoken , tend to catch onto things a little late but when they do you better watch the fuck out

it still. really gets to them though that they basically don’t have an identity to go off of and that they’re still kind of doomed to the same fate but in typical xion fashion they’re just bottling up everything and not telling anybody SHIT

also they identity as a demigirl & both they/them & she/her pronouns are fine but also both feminine & neutral titles !!

also a lesbian uwu

anyways i !! am going to go do SOMETHING i’m not sure what it is yet but heeeere’s one thing done !! i’ll try n message folks for plotting soon !

#castletown.intro #death tw #memory loss tw #food mention #i'd do my new pretty intro formatting but. i'll be straight up. i'm tired folks.

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secretagentspydetectiveninja · 5 years

Text

hey so remember like last year when i was re-reading misadventures and fixing typos? (well, i say that, but it was just an excuse to re-read it and write some absolutely absurd commentary on it...) i found old notes in my phone from january with even more so guess i may as well post it because people seemed to find it funny at the time, it’s basically just The Misadventures of Aish Realizing Things though

[yeah so here’s the original notes i’m not even gonna change anything even though lots of Lore has happened in the show and we Know things now, you just get to see what january aish typed]

ok well let’s go then chapters 31-35 oh god

oh yeah the ML Blackout! I remember that

hm it’s occurring to me maaaaaybe I should post a bit of a warning on this chapter. like “yes this starts off stupid and cracky and fluffy but takes a complete 180 in the middle and you will end up sobbing.”

or maybe I should put that as a disclaimer on the whole fic cause it’s one hell of a ride

THE AROACE SCIENCE JOURNAL YESSSSSSS THAT COMES BACK LATER

yeah the reason why the early parts of this chapter are very lighthearted is honestly because the fic was getting a bit too bleak, I needed something cheerful, so paper planes and arm wrestles it was

wait... isn’t this just that scene from Anansi??? where like Nora challenges Nino to an arm wrestle but then he wins because Someone Else Nearby Did A Thing

also this is Peak characterization, damn Aish, you rly outdone yourself, congration

any time I drop the word “inkling” into a fic it is always 100% a splatoon reference

MAX WOW TONE DOWN THE GAY

heh... BI-ceps...

oh my godddd Max trying to play off his ogling as “ah yes I am scientifically studying Kim’s arm muscles ofc, it’s science I swear” is SO frickin funny I’m already losing it

Alix: “scientifically speaking I’m hot therefore you have to lose this arm wrestle” hshdhdghshskkjkdhshs

^literally the kind of nonsense every single teen I know spouts irl

including me when I was a teen, I just said things

(I still just say things)

you can’t bring up the sports bra thing goddammit, I agree it’s cheating because it has the power to one-hit kill anyone in the vicinity

I love how Max thinks his crush on Kim is “under control” while like. visibly swooning over him

OH MY GOD THE PILLOWS SHHDJDHDHDHSKHS

OKAY SO LIKE I was supposed to put the thing about Kim snogging a pillow in chapter 20 but I forgot or something and then I just had to get it in somehow, oh it kills me dead just thinking about it, I’m dying, I’m dead

and the fact that he admits to it as well, holy moly

KIM

K I M

THAT’S GAY

OH WOW

this is the moment when Alix’s Kimax shipper heart was suddenly feeling validated like “omg wait Kim DOES like Max??? like for real??????”

awwwww Kim, Max doesn’t have those kind of superpowers, you just have a crush on him that’s all <3

THE SKATEBOARDING SNEK!!!!!!!!!!!!

“What the heck is that?” “My snake.” DYINGGGG

Kim trying to figure out if the snake is sitting or standing is a whole mood

ohhhhhhhh my gosh poor Alix trying so damn hard to subtly ask Kim if he likes Max and Kim’s just. so DUMB he doesn’t even get it no matter how obvious she is

she’s even trying to pull out those stupid amatonormative “so is he MORE than a friend???” questions just to get this idiot to figure it out because she knows allo-romos are Like That and he still doesn’t get it,,

[future aish says: the word is alloro, past aish. it’s alloro]

AND SO NOW SHE ASSUMES THEY’RE NOT INTO EACH OTHER BECAUSE SHE THINKS EVEN KIM CAN’T BE THAT STUPID

YOU UNDERESTIMATE HIS STUPIDITY

oh no... oh NO.... the letter.... here we go....

btw yes Gabriel had Kim’s grandad assassinated, it was indeed his doing

...isn’t this lowkey the plot of The Lion King?

or Long Live The Queen

hmmm let’s just say in the sequel poor Kim really will have to deal with the stresses of ruling a country >:D

NO MY POOR SON HAVING A BREAKDOWN, I WANT TO HUG HIM

(also can I just say like... this chapter is actually well-written for the most part? I’m actually kinda impressed)

unfortunately I know the feeling of wanting, needing to return home, but it fills you with dread... *hugs Kim forever*

Kim crying all over Max both hurts me and sort of heals me because Max is so sweet and comforting about it ohhh my heeeaaart

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

THIS IS LOWKEY A LOVE CONFESSION I SWEAR, IT’S SO CUTE

chapter 32 being called “Un chat noir” is kinda dumb af but also it just so happened that I accidentally had the chapter called “Coccinelle” be chapter 64, aka exactly double of 32, so that was kinda neat

Plagggggg!!!!!!!!!!

and Wayhem lol, I think I’ve already mentioned how originally this noble was just some random irrelevant unnamed OC until I decided way later it’s gay stalker fanboy

oh yeah that’s how the nobility recognize the royalty, I forgot lol

(also nobles from countries with widespread newspress or tv will recognize them from news reports and stuff I guess)

the fact that Plagg just hates Wayhem is funny to me for some reason

MISADVENTURES

HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY THREW IN THE ACTUAL WORD

except it was in reference to Adrien... let’s just say that The Misadventures of Imperial Prince Adrien may or may not make an appearance in the sequel >:D

...the Adrienette is literally just in this fic so that people would read it, ngl

hhhhhhhhhhhh okay it’s true Alix is an aro idiot who doesn’t know anything about romance but for once she’s RIGHT, Kim IS in love with Max, but she assumes she’s wrong hshgshdjhdnsnsh

oh my god noooo timeline twin go away and stop giving me nightmares

I still love how they hate each other, that’s some top-notch self-hatred right there and I need to get on their level

[future aish note: no past self!! be nice to yourself!! you are a cool bean!! own it!!]

YOU FOOL... EVERY CLASSMATE WOULD TAKE A SWORD TO THE HAND FOR ALIX, WHY WOULDN’T THEY

ỳïķèš,,,

honestly I probably should stop being lazy and actually go back to like idk chapter 8 and put in an actual monopoly game (it had to have been before the oracle sessions in ch10 at least)

fun fact!! I have indeed very nearly had a fist fight over the last dark blue card in a monopoly game!! also I blatantly cheated, and the main opponent locked someone else (an 8 year old btw) in a cupboard... it was Wild(TM)

me and my irl friend actually came up with the butterfly thing when we were at the cinema once, she made up this random angry gardener OC who stepped on a butterfly after being fired or something lol

I mentioned Rose liking unicorns!!!! before Captain Hardrock!!!!!!!

shdhdhkshs Alix is such a moody emo brat in this fic I adore it

“The only real difference between you and me is one dead butterfly.” goddammit that’s the creepiest fucking thing, I’m genuinely shaking

technically it’s a butterfly’s fault for ALL the timelines which means that we’re all one butterfly away from death at any moment

cheerful stuff

no, no, you’re not trying to block it out on purpose... I’M trying to block it out on purpose bc I’m highkey shamelessly projecting

god I wish my timeline twin would manifest in the astral plane and punch me in the arm too

“Count yourself lucky you’re not a pillow, idiot.” in-context this is contender for Most Cursed Line I Have Ever Written In My Life

and yes Alix was about to straight-up swear

Mylène rollerskating is extremely blessed and good

pfffffffff Max you coward, I stand on swivel chairs all the time

*me, chanting at the spider in my room* KIMAX! KIMAX! KIMAX!

Kim literally making every excuse to not put Max down is amazing honestly

Kim and Max’s origins story is sooooooooooo cute wtf

THIS IS SO BLESSED OH MY HEART

HE’S JUST STANDING THERE CUDDLING HIM I’M

DECEASED

I,,,, swear to god,,,,,,,

so like. I know it’s now canon in the show that Kim really is as oblivious to his feelings as I wrote him in this. but MY GOD. IT’S FRIGGIN PAINFUL

KIM YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH MAX, FULL HOMO, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE FEELING LIKE THIS, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED DAMMIT

oh yeah I wrote the kimax bits rly early and my old url was @queenkubdel haha

aight now a no-kimax chapter, but at least it’s a goodun

there’s that catradora-esque weather girls frenemyship again

Kim having a full-on breakdown when he finds out Alix’s hair isn’t really pink is actually really blessed, no lemme explain

so this universe has magic, right?? so he thinks to himself that the reason his friend has pink hair is because she must be some sort of anime protagonist or Really Important and Cool or something, and it never even occurred to him to doubt her

in other words he’s betrayed because he WANTED HIS FRIEND TO BE A COOL SHONEN HERO

which is both hilarious AND very sweet

...oh wait I’ve scrolled down and it turns out I literally explained all that in the fic itself hhdgjdvzjdjhs

and yeah honestly I can’t blame poor Kim for taking it so badly, he’s still reeling from his grandfather’s assassination so it’s natural his emotions are not exactly Regulated atm

actually when are his emotions ever regulated

1703-1899 hm... might change that since the fic takes place in 1957-1960 so even though it’s a commissioned history of the empire it was before Gabriel was even born so like why would he even care lmao

“Great Western Ocean” so pretentious, just say the Atlantic omg

I’ve been playing way too much civ because the first thing that came to mind was that everyone’s denounced Agreste due to the high warmongering penalties of the industrial/modern eras

Chloé and Kim is one hell of a brotp okay I still firmly believe that

also Chloé still loves her rococo fashion, she’s just toned it down enough that she can fit through doors and it’s not quite as “in your face” towards commoners

listen I know in the show Kim still liked Chloé for a while after Dark Cupid but in this he got over her quicker because his crush on her wasn’t as deep in the first place

Kim literally tells Chloé he gave the brooch to Max and yet STILL doesn’t realize he likes him!!! KIM!!!!!!!!!!

Chlodemption arc yesssssssss

also she’s a lesbeean

(ye Pollen will be in the sequel don’t you worry)

god I’m so proud of her <3

it feels believable too, so I’m proud of myself!! (I’m trying to be nice to myself before next chapter where I will no doubt roast myself so badly I’ll never recover)

outdated laws about marriage... jeez was that cursed foreshadowing or what

YES IT’S IVAN, I LOVE THIS BOY, HE’S SO GRUMPY AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME AND HE HATES KIM

...actually wait this is sibling culture

I literally speak like this to my brother and he’s my best friend so in conclusion Ivan thinks of Kim as an annoying brother

Jalil why are you a historian. just go be a psychologist and stop your sister accidentally hecking up the country

omg the Antarctica thing, I’m just imagining Jalil in the freezing cold with a massive coat on and getting chased by penguins

I love how the timeline twin’s plan was “escape school, force Adrien to get a venomous pet, then abandon him immediately in the middle of nowhere” and later on it turns out she skipped step two and just ditched him lmaoooooo

being so ace that your brain goes straight to “death and murder” before anything else is the biggest mood, I speak from experience

Jalil knows... he had that conversation with Kim in chapter 20... he Knows

“a bit unsupportive” um that is an extreme understatement good grief he was more savage than ME

RISE OF THE KIMAX SHIPPERS

oh don’t worry the venom death still haunts me too

chapter I Hate You... “A rather rotten winter party” well it should have been named A RATHER ROTTEN CHAPTER DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPOSSIBLE THIS ONE WAS TO WRITE OMG I HATE WRITING MYSELF INTO CORNERS

you see I had to have a motive for the timeline twin to explain things properly so that I could put in a really really dumb pun later but that meant I had to unfortunately suffer many allergic reactions again

[future aish note: forgot to mention, i also needed a motive for kim to stop eating chocolate forever, so i had to Curse this chapter as a sacrifice in order to save his life later on]

alright, alright, here we go, I’ll stop procrastinating and just get this over with

oh yeah it’s chapters like these that the fic’s rated T lol

the Adrikim friendship is indeed important... for later... like, plot-relevant levels of important... life-saving levels...

“some event” is the Peace Ball actually and I can’t wait because that chapter’s actually a good one

KIM BRAGGING ABOUT KISSING ADRIEN LAST YEAR IS SO FUCKING FUNNY OH MY GOD I’M LOSING MY MIND???

like last year he was LITERALLY LIKE “oh boo hoo I cannot tell anyone about this because Adrien is Ã Bøyê” and now he’s just like “yeah I kissed a hot boy and what about it???”

to be fair he is on an extreme sugar rush from all the chocolate he ate, which will... be a plot point in just a moment...

PILLOW GIRLFRIEND

I’m the amused nobles, they are me

oh my god Kim we get it you want to kiss someone (Max) and you don’t want to outright say it

holy shit do any of these kids ever think before they speak??? not to sound like the timeline twin or anything but alix... you could have avoided this if you’d bothered to use your one (1) brain cell

[future aish note: bold of me to assume that alix has a brain cell]

Kim wants to now fight his PARALLEL SELF oh my god, get on my level Kim, I want to fight my actual self like right now so there

stfu all of you, this is poisoning my liver

Max is the biggest mood and at least mildly sensible thank god, but he really shouldn’t have left those two alone for even a second

I AGREE PLATONIC LOVE IS UNDERRATED

the chair... the fucking c h a i r... I’m already lying down but I need to lie down harder just to process the absurdity of this

(I think I was gonna have Alix fall off the chair just because that’s hilarious but I forgot)

look I can’t take heartrate seriously but if you ever write it then you are legally required to put in kissing contests or you’re doing it wrong

fudgin Adrienette kiss offscreen and irrelevant

DJWIFI!!! AND ACTUAL PROPER DJWIFI!!!! I was sick of seeing it treated as some kind of pair-the-spares beta couple so I flipped the script and had them literally call out that trope while treating Adrienette as irrelevant instead, which is also why the sequel will be extremely djwifi-centric

“super swanky bae” please stop misusing commoner slang I’m begging you

THERE’S THE PLOT POINT I WAS TALKING ABOUT

Theo was right here, he witnessed with his own eyes how much chocolate Kim ate, so he knows for a fact that if you give Kim chocolate he will scarf it down without a second thought... so hypothetically if one sent him poisoned chocolates... dyou see where I’m going with this...

oh and Theo still has like every job btw

Alya!!!! no!!!!! hire him again!!!!!!!! then he won’t send the chocolates!!!!!!!!!! aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

there goes me hinting how alyadrininette is the ultimate ot4 again

...do I really wanna scroll down and keep going? no I don’t but I guess I gotta, and relive every one of my most embarrassing school sleepovers in the process

full offence to everyone bothering to read this but kissing sounds gross, actually

(for the record it was probably like... 10 seconds or something idk it was Not Long At All)

“probably not more than 5 minutes” omg I just said it was 10 seconds??? hmmm m okay like 20 seconds maaaybe, Kim just has no sense of time perception

neither do I based on my microwaving skills

SHIT THIS IS LITERALLY A SCHOOL SLEEPOVER

INNOCENT DUMBASS AROACE ASKING “what does that mean? what’s this? what’s that? it’s okay you can tell me :-)”

omg I forgot the snake was there ahshdhdkshfs I’m the snake, probably wants to launch itself out of the window so big mood

most of the fic so far had Alix being really aro so I was like damn... gotta make her really ace too

(if I ever bother writing the Kimdine AU then you actually get an aro character who isn’t ace, because we need more of them, but I won’t say who) (okay fine it’s Luka)

I tend not to be too British in my writing so as not to give the Americans heart attacks whenever they see someone referring to their mother as “mum” etc, but like... sometimes you just gotta throw in the word “snogging”

(I’m typing this out on my phone rn and it has exactly 69% battery, I hate this and also hate that I felt the need to mention that)

THE HOCKEY THING MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN BASED OFF A REAL LIFE THING. *SWEATS NERVOUSLY*

honestly I was soooooo tempted to actually write The Talk bit, it would have been the funniest thing ever, but I was also 99% sure I would have to change the rating to M (despite it not even remotely being smut lol, just a regular biology lesson) and there was no way I was doing that, pretty sure I pushed the T rating at some points as it is

[future aish: god i am still so tempted to write it. man, i’m tempted. it would be the funniest thing. but no... i have sworn not to write anything above a T rating so guess i won’t.]

YEAH THE THROWING UP THING TOO WAS DEFINITELY NOT BASED ON REAL LIFE OR ANYTHING *MORE NERVOUS SWEATING*

(it genuinely wasn’t a flowerpot though. it’s my life’s goal to throw up in a flowerpot and I still haven’t achieved it.)

all of this is an Ace Mood(TM)

also I love how elaborately I’ve worded this, like yeah idiot royal teenagers are too royal and posh to ever bother just saying the word “sex” like a normal person

to any 17 year old aces: you aren’t too young to know, I told myself that aggressively when I was 17 but now I’m 22 and I’m still just as ace as I always was sooooo yeah

I also hope I can wake up tomorrow and forget I read this trash

well tbh... it’s not total trash... it highkey reminds me of my school days, like, maybe that was subconscious or something... god who even knows

jeez if timeline twin slapped me in the face I’d just keel over and die from sheer terror, other than that that’s HILARIOUS

timeline twin: “YOU HAVE ONE (1) BRAIN CELL NOW P L E A S E CONSIDER USING IT”

fuckeninf hell listen,,, so when I was writing this chapter I didn’t know I was aro... I mean, I was kinda questioning it?? but all I knew was I was ace, and that me not knowing that as a teenager almost totally screwed me over because like

to be normal or to feel normal there’s things you do or say that you don’t want, and things you know would happen or whether you want something or not you’ll take it because you think you’re expected to, because otherwise you’ll have to confront yourself with the fact that something is wrong with you and you don’t know what or why or how to fix it

and being aro on top of that is misunderstanding how to navigate close friendships because of this fundamental fear that if you want to be close with someone then friendship can’t suffice, that how much you care about them doesn’t matter

and things I did or almost did, or had the chance to do and only stopped because (awfully enough) crippling anxiety which ironically saved me (let’s just say the dude turned out to be a creep)... yeah basically this is all a callback to that aroace teenager feel where you can’t help not being true to yourself because you don’t want to, because you don’t know what’s wrong or right, only what’s “normal” and the ache of knowing that you’re not, no matter how much you try

and I didn’t know I was aro while writing this but in hindsight it’s easy to see how that played into it too, and writing this definitely played a part in me realizing I’m aro and was somehow trying to work through some very pent-up feelings about friendship and closeness with people, as well as pent-up feelings about being ace and how that tied into everything too

...in short, do not phuck the pharaoh or you will get HOUSE ARRESTED and DIE

(jk jk she’ll just be awkward around you forever lol, and then SHE’LL get house arrested and die, because you’re not commoners so your actions actually have consequences you dumb idiots)

this entire thing is just a whole mood and lowkey my teenage years holy fuck holy fuck I hate that I’m only just realizing how bloody hard I was projecting

I literally read a post the other day about how unrequited love is only ever usually explored from the perspective of the person who’s in love, whereas aros are usually on the receiving end of it and it’s a tragedy in its own right that you might do things that wind up driving you apart because you can’t bring yourself to love them back but you can’t tell them because of the fear that it’ll push them away... and I gotta say, I totally nailed it 💪

...you know what I’ve changed my mind, chapter 34 is good actually, and now I need to make a time machine and go and hug my 17 year old self for living this, and then hug my 20 year old self for writing this, I’m sorry I was mean to this chapter it’s very relatable and I shouldn’t keep beating myself up over it

thinking makes me miserable too!! that’s why it’s optimistic nihilism only lads

impulse control, hmmm... someone who’s good for him, hmmmmmm... it’s almost like someone like that is right there and exists and is already in love with him 😏

so apparently timeline twin’s idea of “fixing her life” is burning all her bridges and then hecking off to the Kazakh wilderness for over a year

did Alix just... ask the snake if it’s aroace too???

I mean it definitely is, but...

UGH SNAKES DON’T BLINK, I’M STILL SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS

chapter 35, thank god, the title “Finally!” is very apt

(because I can finally change the music from Death Valley to something else lol)

oh poor Max, his heart goes on a real rollercoaster these few chapters doesn’t it? it’s okay buddy, in like 10 chapters you’ll get your man...

NO BUT SHE H A S FIGURED IT OUT!!! SORT OF!!!

I just misread “despite” as “despacito”, I’m going to bed and continuing this tomorrow dammit

alright I am now funky refreshed and ready to roll, let’s get this kimax party started

Max is angsting internally like “no one’s realized I like Kim :( well except Juleka but she’s a lesbian so she doesn’t count” ashgdjsghskk that mlm/wlw solidarity is holding out I see

YES ALIX YOU DO NEED TO TALK TO NATH MORE, THAT’S YOUR FREAKING BEST BUD IN THE SHOW MAY I REMIND YOU

this is all so Irony it’s murdering me dead

okay yeah I’m gonna be really honest and salty here for a second, this bit where Max is annoyed that Alix takes Nath more seriously as a contender than him was me being a bit salty over the fact that like... kimnath/tomato ketchup is a great rarepair but got so weirdly popular amongst people who didn’t seem to care about Max as a character at all despite how close he is with Kim in canon, and as a Max Stan it made me sad because he’s already not very appreciated in fandom

[future aish note: HE IS NOW BABEY!]

THERE IT IS

I WANT TO HUG MAX TOO, BLESS HIM

I also want to hug Alix because godddds I’ve been in that situation where if you were allowed to just TELL the idiots that they like each other then all their problems would be solved but noooo, you’re sworn to secrecy... *sigh*

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t change, ever...” me: *thinks about the sequel and cackles evilly while cracking my knuckles* well,,

A R O M A N T I C

listen it was VERY IMPORTANT to me that I actually put in all these actual words in the fic and made them relevant, like gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc (I think the only one I didn’t was trans, oops?? gotta remember that for the sequel, at least Nino IS trans in this even though I never said the word)

[future aish note: i feel like i didn’t say pan either, or nonbinary... more stuff for the sequel folks! i can’t put in everything but i may as well try!]

bc you see all these tv shows where a character is bi but they say they “don’t like labels” or a character with no love interest get suddenly paired up with someone random at the end... like NO I wanted to do the OPPOSITE of that bc people’s identities are IMPORTANT so I wanted to MAKE IT RELEVANT 💪

and even though I didn’t yet know here that I was aro and highkey projecting, there’s already a fair few fics dealing with asexuality but not aromanticism?? so I rly wanted to make the aro side of things important

almost relieved??? Max, you buffoon, she IS relieved, extremely

Malix friendship is good and severely underrated and I still haven’t forgiven myself for not putting more of it in this

“He was never eating chocolate again” HO-HO-HOLY SHIT THAT’S SOME FORESHADOWING RIGHT THERE

Rose is a distinguished bi who doesn’t realize Kim is a disaster bi

Kim oh my god you can’t just out Adrien “just about functional bi” Agreste like that

I love that Rose calls Kim a casanova even though he’s very much not... how many people are even into him over the course of the fic? Max, Adrien, it’s implied Marinette used to be, Lila is ambiguous, same with the lacrosse guy later, oh yeah Ondine highkey lmao along with 90% of the teenage population of Saharan Africa, Kim himself in about 2 chapters time...

Rose giving Kim the gay talk is so blessed omg I need more interaction between these two

“If you swung one way you were gay, if you swung the other way you were straight, more than one way made you bisexual, if you didn’t swing any way at all then you were probably just Alix...” I will literally NEVER be able to outdo this line, this is Peak

hmm I don’t think at any point in the fic Max says to Kim that he’s exclusively into boys... I guess he said it offscreen then lol, point is He’s Gay

OMG KIM, YOU FINALLY REALIZED WHAT THE NOSEBLEED SCENE MEANT, GOD BLESS YOU

this is like in Syren when he realizes the mermaid is Ondine and that she was trying to tell him she likes him... except this is the gay version of that

yeah Rose I really do need to get more sleep, that one was directed at me and I know it was

Kim being all like “fellas is it gay if you take off your shirt and a guy swoons at you 🤔🤔🤔”

no, no... Max is definitely a complete trainwreck at romance, just slightly less than you

god freaking dammit not the sports bra again,,, I s2g later in the fic all Ondine would have had to do is to show up in a sports bra and Kim would immediately go full ot3 mode no questions asked,,,,,,,, (I mean he does see her in a swimsuit but that’s not the same??? sports bras are in a different league okay shush)

psssssst!!! you should read heartbroken!!!! it’s a kimax fic and it’s so good!!!!! this was a lowkey shoutout!!!!!!!!

genuinely tho, even if Kim hadn’t liked Max too here, he’s being so sweet about it?? he’s worried about his poor friend’s emotional state and wishes he could have done better to help!! gahhhh their friendship/relationship is just So Blessèd

hsndhkdhdkshdh I only noticed it after finishing the fic and occasionally skimming back through, but so much of the time whenever Alix shows up Kim’s all like *ungrateful* “oh not you again” like WOW that’s one way to greet your friend?? mood tho

[future aish note: i did the exact opposite in No Romo, funnily enough! kim’s not in it much but whenever he sees alix he’s like “friend!!! friend!!!!!” and she’s just like -_- “oh it’s that guy again”]

he’s not even paying attention to her omg she’s trying to save the timeline here you idiot

POOR ALIX how frustrating,,, and also I’ve literally been there,,, the woes of being a wing-girl indeed

and now Kim wants to fight himself, why am I not surprised

aND YES HERE’S WHERE IT HITS HIM, THE EXACT FUCKING MOMENT

WHERE HE’S SUDDENLY LIKE “OH WAIT MAX’S LOVE FOR ME ISN’T UNREQUITED??? I LIKE HIM TOO HOLY SHIT????”

aaaaaaand he immediately asks the aro for love advice, why is he like this omg

gosh this is sooooo sweeeeeet

I did not let up, did I? just went ahead and made this as cheesy and cutesy and over the top as I could because It’s What Kimax Deserves

(there wasn’t rly much Kimax content yet in the fandom at this point so I had total free reign and went all-out with it)

sfjsgskdhs and there goes Alix getting her wing-efforts sidelined again

“I’m never asking out someone on a whim again. Or, uh, confessing that I like someone on a whim either.” so uh... you know how I said I’m considering making the sequel Kimaxdine? well if I do then uh. hm. this might change. because reasons.

I don’t know why I made nothing Alix ever says make sense but I’m glad I did because she’s so freaking funny

I swear I talk about Max’s eyes being “magnified in his glasses” multiple times in this fic, either that or I’m having serious deja vu

Kim’s so cute dammit!!! now that he knows he likes Max he’s just swooning over every little thing and it’s!!!! adorable!!!!!

(I wonder if this is how it was with Kimdine in the show? it does seem like Kim already liked her but just hadn’t noticed...)

huehuehuehue Kim later on you do indeed recklessly propose to Max on the spot... in like 18 chapters or so

also the fact that Kim thinks things through better when he’s around Max is just the total sweetest and also what Alix was basically trying to aim for

I love Kim showing off that he can pack all his stuff in half an hour like buddy, the porters can literally help you with that, you’re royalty remember

omg I’d forgotten I left a note here later for binge-readers!! being all like “drink water and eat food and go to sleep uwu”

lmao guess I’ll take my own advice then and leave it there for now

[future aish note: same, goodnight]

#smalluns proceed with caution. it's T rated remember #it's not dodgy though. just evil and cursed #anyway i'm going to sleep now for like 12 hours #random stuff #misadventures #if you're on the mobile app and the keep reading glitches and you have to scroll then i'm sorry #this is under a cut on desktop i promise

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