#deleting this shitty excuse for an app

[bunny-yan]

Okay but the hacker and AI made me actually laugh out loud when I reached the end, I was not expecting a comedy sprinkled into my yandere soup today 😆 I'd love to see more of their dynamic if you're inclined to continue with that story. They've got this great bickering, snarky energy between them, like two coworkers who really do not like each other but have to remain relatively civil because they work together.

I think it’s because half of our hacker yan’s personality is sarcasm and he unintentionally teaches this to Eve. It can get pretty annoying for him when it learns how to use sarcasm, but not understanding the full implications of how it comes off.  TW: language

—

“Excuse me?”

You looked up from your phone to see a guy. It was odd how unassuming he was, wearing a dark hoodie on a day as hot as it was with a cap and a mask. 

“I’m really sorry to bother you, but I lost my phone, and I was wondering if I could borrow yours to call someone I know.”

You smiled and he felt as if his heart would skip a beat. He bit his lip, begging himself not to lose control. 

Your hand extended out, offering your phone without even bothering to pull up the app he needed. How trusting. 

You shouldn’t have been. 

He took the phone from your hands, feeling something tingle inside his chest as his fingers brushed against your own, but he had to calm himself down. He couldn’t pass out without doing what he needed to. It wouldn’t take long, but he was trying hard not to appear suspicious. 

It was fucking hot in this dumbass hoodie, and the mask and hat weren’t helping, but he didn’t want to tip you off on who he was. It was too embarrassing to face you just yet. 

He couldn’t pull up a tracking app and set it up on your phone with you standing there staring at him, but it was tempting on the off chance that he messed up. 

Oh god, you were looking at him. You made light conversation, making him think that maybe there was a chance to distract you long enough to-

No, no, it would have to happen remotely. 

Pulling up the phone app, he typed in his number before pressing the call button. His phone was silent in his pocket, having checked repeatedly that it was on do not disturb before he approached you. It would blow fucking everything if his phone rang, and he had to come up with some dumb fucking reason of how he didn’t realize that he had his phone the first time. He made a show of being annoyed when the person on the other line didn’t pick up. Attempting to call again, but adding a few special characters that would trip the program’s sensor to provide a connection between your phone and his. 

Did he feel bad? 

Sure.

It wasn’t your fault you were getting hacked. You were just a kind unsuspecting stranger who had the misfortune of running into him on a day he was feeling particularly shitty. But instead of being an asshole like half of the people he’d run into that same day, you were considerate. Squeezing his arm as you offered an apology, he felt something swell as he stared at this stranger who’d managed to move his stubborn heart.

He’d only known you for two hours, not even sure of your name, but he was desperate to know more about you—your hobbies, the things you liked, the things you didn’t, what you preferred to do in your free time, how many kids you wanted, what season you preferred to get married in. 

Maybe he was moving a little fast, but that’s what was so great about love. 

This was one-sided, but as soon as he scraped up every piece of information he could about you, came up with the perfect plan to approach you, knew what you liked, and imbued every inch of himself with your ideas of an ideal partner, he would execute the perfect first meeting, and things would fall into place from there. 

When your screen turned grey, he couldn’t help the smile that twitched from behind the mask he wore. He exited out of the program, deleting his number, before returning your phone to you. No different than when he handed it to you. 

He thanked you before speeding off like something was biting at his heels. 

He was nervous; he thought his lungs would collapse, that he’d say something stupid and that you’d regard him as a weirdo you never wanted to meet again, but thankfully, none of that happened. He was a little nervous that he wouldn’t set it up in time, that you’d decide to go home before he could figure out how to implement the program, and that he would have to follow you home and stake out your house until he could have another chance encounter with you, but things were looking up. 

He’d gain everything there was to know about you, learning everything he could about the budding new love of his life. He felt giddy, wondering what he’d learn, what kind of person you were. If he’d uncover gold the deeper he searched or found something he didn’t like. You didn’t seem like the type of person who posted provocatively, but it didn’t really matter. He could always dispose of the things he didn’t want others to see and keep them for himself. If he uncovered a significant other, it wouldn’t be hard to convince you of their infidelity. 

He was excited to unearth everything he could find about you as he slowly ingratiated himself into your life, and he knew the perfect program to help him do it. 

#yandere #yandere oc #yandere x you #male yandere #yandere x gn reader #yandere x darling #yandere x reader #ask #yandere male #gn reader #yandere hacker #yandere hacker & ai

[shoecrabs]

Singer of the Serpents' Song

WHOOOOOOOOOOO I DID ITTTT!!!!!!!! YEAHHH!!!!!!!! >:DD

(greyscale and WIPs underneath the RambleTM

I had to repaint this since i got completely vibe checked (my app deleted itself when it crashed) and turns out all that was left was the reference sketch

she was just staring at me like that?? the absolute audacity of this girl??? Gaia I'm sorry I ever doubted you lmao what a way to go /j. it sucked but looking it back it was kind of impressive

anyways I love the 'viper vibes' piper has and I feel it's very underrated in her characterisation within the fandom, like, she has thr ptotential to be an assassin (burning maze as a good example) and can be compared to venomous snakes so, so easily considering she strikes with a tiny knife after bringing down the guard of her enemies with her charmspeak. so yes this was an excuse to let her be unhinged

here's the greyscale + lowkey shitty wip shots

the flats were very much a Trust The Process moment lol it looks awful I'm sobbing please ignore my lack of smart choices I was just a little angry when I restarted it all 💀

#piper mclean #pjo fanart #heroes of olympus #heroes of olympus fanart #pjo #piper mcqueen #thats a horrible tag (i giggled) #my daughter #i love her #if uncle rick won't make her intimidating I'll do it myself /j #snakes #does this need a cw? they.. aren't very snakey tbh #just in case #snakes tw #this one was half finger painted/half pen-with-squishy-end painted so i think i did pretty well all things considered #i had a TIME with this one #threatened me down the villain path istg #i hate painting both clothes AND snakes turns out #like how do i do it normally let alone with this lighting?? #digital painting #eye contact #eye contact tw #not sure if they were needed but here they go^^ #edited for clarity x3 #i am bad at wording

[alex-supremacy4]

ugh vent

"you'll thank me later" NO I FUCKINV WONT. i seriously WONT. I HAD TO DELETE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING APP BECAUSE OF YOU BEING SO OVERPROTECTIVE THAT YOU WOULDNT EVEN LET ME GO ON MY OWN GMAIL?? AND YOU THINK ILL THANK YOU AFTER HAVING TO GO THROUGH PHYSICAL AND MENTAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE? YOU THINK I DON'T HEAR YOU IN YOUR ROOM, CRYING TO YOUR THERAPIST ABOUT HOW SHITTY I AM, WHILE COMPARING ME TO MY BROTHER?? YOU USE HIS DISORDER/MENTAL ILLNESS AS AN EXCUSE TO SHOW HOW MUCH MORE BETTER HE IS THAN ME. i fucking hate this apartment and family and i hate to say it but even my own cousins family is so much more better than this. even my least favorite teachers combined are better than this. some of you will say "shes just trying to help." BUT DOMT YPU FUCKING SEE?? SHES BEEN NEGLECTING ME FOR YEARS AND MY OLDER SISTWR AND BROTHER HAD TO TAKE CARE OF ME THIS WHOLE TIME. AND YET SHE EXPEXTS ME TO DO EVERYTHING. IM SICK AND TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AND OH MY FUCKIJG GOH I AM SO ANGRY. I WAS CRYING EVERY TIME BECAUSE OF OYU "remember what you used to do.." THATS BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING THREATENED YOU DUMBASS. YOURE BLAMING IT ON ME LIKE I INTENDED TO DO THAT, I WASNT THREATENED AND I KNEW WHAY IT MEANT. MY OLDER SISTER HAD TO TALK YOU INTO BELIEVING ME. YOU CHOSE HIM OVER ME?? I WAS YOUR FUCKINH CHILD AND YOU BELIEVED SOME RANDOM GUY?? FUCK YOU. YOURE THE REAOSN I GO ONLINE EVERYDAY JUST TO SEE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT ME. YOURE THE REASON I SAY THINGS IM NOT SUPPOSED TO. YOURE THE REASON WHY IM BAWLING MY EEYS OUT EVERYDAY. YOURE IN SO MANY VRNT POSTD OF MINE IN MY DRAFTD. SPECIFICALLY 41. YOU DIDNT EVEN CARE ABOUT ME. fuck you im leaving this apartment when i can

#vrnt #vent #vent post #tw vent #yeah

[lilyoffandoms]

As someone who supports so many artists, what are your thoughts on AI art? Because I’ve been seeing a surge in the amount of people posting AI artwork of their characters here and it’s alarming. Do people not realize that AI art is generated (and essentially stolen) from the artwork and styles of real artists? Every artists I’ve come across has expressly stated how much they despise it and why.

Okay this is gonna sound like me yelling but I’m not yelling at you. I’m angry at people that steal and call it art. So take this angry rant for what it is. But seriously, thank you so much for this question!

I really really dislike AI generated stolen art! In fact, I’ll go a step further to say I hate it (and I don’t use that term lightly)! I cannot tell you how much I despise AI generated stolen art!

The AI art generated stolen art we’ve seen going around more and more lately is stupid and I agree 100% it’s incredibly alarming! And it’s more alarming that so many see nothing wrong with AI theft and willingly participate and cheer said theft on.

(I never (purposefully) reblog those pieces and if I do, and realize it, I delete it. I steer clear of that shit as best I can. I’ve even had to block people when I’ve found out they’ve fed art that doesn’t belong to them into these generators.)

Apps like Fotor, GoArt, Dream, Wonder, and the countless others I’ve seen, prey upon artists and they use the consumer to do it. These generators feed the consumers’ desire to have art and to have it cheap or free. But it’s theft, not only on the part of the AI/app and it’s creator but on the part of the consumer.

Let’s stop calling it AI art because it gives the creator of the AI/app, the AI (that’s not AI, but that’s another story), and the person typing words into the AI way too much credit.

It’s not art. It’s computer generated content that was pieced together using stolen art from real living and working artists the world over.

You are not creating art.

YOU ARE STEALING SOMEONE ELSE’S ART!

It’s not cute, it’s theft.

It’s not cheap/free, it’s theft.

It’s not harmless, it’s theft.

(And last I checked theft is still kind of a big no no. Even if the laws haven’t caught up with AI.)

It’s hurting real people.

If we keep this up, we are going to be stuck with crappy AI that can’t “learn” anything new because it has nothing new to feed on because all the artists will have stopped sharing it with us. Or worse, they will have stopped creating entirely.

And before I get the excuse in my inbox… It’s not just public domain works these shitty things are feeding off of, either. It is any art that is fed to them by people who are pretending to “create art.” But what those people are saying is they don’t give a damn about artists every time they feed this monster and copy and paste the stolen work to their socials and call it art.

I would like to humbly suggest an alternative: support the artists we have!! Support humans!! They are all kinds of incredible!!

Ask me, or others that commission art, or search sites like kofi or fiverr for digital artists who currently have commissions open. You can often find artists that will draw busts based on your descriptions or in game image, sometimes for as little as $10 per illustration (!!!)

Or perhaps the most shocking idea of all, learn to draw for yourself.

But for the love of humanity, stop using AI’s to generate content!!

#ask #anon ask #sorry if i come across as angry but i am #and i really really really hate ai generated stolen art

[itsbrittnibitch]

I had a date scheduled tonight and she bailed on me. (Not the first time this has happened to me yay.) We had a lovely chat on Thursday, no red flags, then she disappeared the next day. I thought, fine ppl work and be busy. Now it’s Monday the date we had scheduled. I’ve texted, called but no response. On WhatsApp it says last active Thursday…

Because I’ve been catfished before, (I accept my silly errors then and after that trauma I’ve tried to move forward) I’m extra cautious and know the signs. the first time lasted a long time but after finally trusting my gut, I decided to look at the red flags, and using catfish websites i discovered and confronted the catfish- to which they confirmed. Good times.

Then the second time I can only assume this person was but never confirmed, cause they’d have the classic excuses of ‘don’t have social media or WhatsApp’, never sent vids with their face and kept canceling plans. Plus the classic asking for nudes.

The one after that disappeared after I said: “the pic you sent me you have blue eyes but in your profile their brown?” They deleted their profile. Lol.

Now this one, who I assume just lied about who they are (or straight up died) and thought it’d be funny to have a chat and then leave. I did check online and checked their pic and it looks catfishy.

Why do I have a collection of catfish?

I’m actually tired. I feel like I want to throw up. Then disappear.

Thave no idea why this is happening? How am I finding these shitty people?

l'm a lesbian so it's already rough out here. Then adding fake profiles on dating apps? It's all of them.

How many times must the universe thrust this upon me? l've learnt my lesson. I know when people are lying and what red flags to look out for. But fuck me it's exhausting.

I'll match with someone like once every 2 months and they are fake? Like? It's fucking insane now.

I simply want to have a date with a women who we both have mutual attraction. I want to fucking meet someone.

Women on social media are like dates with women are hard. And l'm like I actually wouldn't know cause can't get past the talking online and actually FUCKING MEETING A GIRL.

I'm a spiritual person and honestly my faith is wavering.

I don't understand why it's happening.

I want to believe that the universe is creating opportunities for me but like? What opportunity is this?

How to loose trust?

If anyone knows plz let me know cause l'm exhausted and want to crawl into a hole and start again.

#lesbian #dating #wlw #wlw dating #femme lesbian #catfish #dating apps #stood up #universe #manifesting #manifestation #why is this happening #done with dating apps #I just want to meet a nice girl #trust is gone #red flags #lesbian problems #lesbian dating #annoyed #i want to disappear #send help

[babochkas]

i'm putting this post under a read more because it's long & i'm sorry it's related to the drama but, i really need to clear up the situation on my end:

to start with, i've never sent anyone anon hate. i don't support that at all because i know how shitty it is to get it. my post today was absolutely a vague, but not about anyone in the rpc and i specifically stated it was related to twitter lesbophobes that spread into the tumblr community (NOT THE RPC COMMUNITY, i never specified rpc & my wife clarified in their post as well it was not the rpc) and specifically mentioned seeing topics of conversion. this post i made didn't even specify if it was about bronseele. i never mentioned their names. but because i posted it on seele, my current main blog, it's tied to that. accusations of anon hate and biphobia. it was absolutely horrible timing, absolutely looks suspicious, but: i had no way of seeing this because i don't follow. i do not keep tabs on the people i block and avoid them from my radar entirely. i never talked nor judged anyone's portrayal or interpretation. people are making accusations STILL because of a matter of shit timing and coincidence related to someone ive had blocked. i want to say clearly, i did not send the anon that was received. i did not even know of it, nor the post that prompted the anon. i have not ever sent anon hate, and have not vagued about anyone in the fandom's portrayal.

again, my original post was kept vague in wording because i woke up (around 3pmest, i have bad insomnia so my schedule is weird) starting my day seeing people on twitter erasing the canon rep of my favorite characters (i'm not talking just up for interpretation characters, i mean seeing people straight up talking about leona/diana in league - excuse vulgarity - "taking dick to cure their mind.") & then while looking at fanart on tumblr shortly after, saw more of the same with other ships i like art of. of course, as a lesbian, i am very passionate about these cases of rep, and of course very triggered by seeing the lesbophobia i was seeing on twitter (the conversion i mentioned in my post, which i followed up with by saying i was seeing more of it on tumblr) not the best wording & def should have clarified but, i just woke up for the day, i was tired, and my brain hadn't fully kicked into gear so i opened my tumblr app to check my notifications and make a quick vent post. it had nothing to do with bisexuality, nothing to do with a bi interpretation, nothing: it was about the disgusting and harmful conversion posts and discussions i was seeing. i had no idea about what was going on hours before because i was asleep. i was logged in on seele, so i just made the venty post (again specifically about conversion therapy comments) and didnt think anything of it because i didn't know what was going on, basically until i started finding out about the accusations.

i do want to note again, i did try to unblock to send an IM clarifying before everything really blew up, but IMs were off & i was already being told of more being said by others so i did make a heated post. it isn't deleted, though i did make it private because i don't like leaving drama up. as with rule updates, they're tagged as "tbd //" and later removed.

on a related, but separate note:

people who talk to me and know me, know the kind of person i am. i have been in way more fandoms than hi3, hsr, or even genshin. i've been on this site a long time and multiple people have known me for years. they know that i keep to myself a lot of the time & only seem to get dragged into drama when it relates to setting boundaries. as stated in my rules, i am exclusive and not dupe friendly. this often leads to me blocking simply for comfort. otherwise, i have only ever blocked people for breaching my rules. breaching my triggers. have i always handled my blocking in ways people prefer it to be handled (via a DM beforehand, knowledge of why first, etc?) absolutely not. especially not when it's related to my triggers, as i state in my rules, seeing those untagged/unfiltered sends me into a trauma response. i have, in the past, contacted people prior to softblocking or hardblocking to let them know why - and these instances have ended in things varying from my mental health being invalidated, being called names (bitch, most often) & often, honestly, end up escalating to something worse.

aside from trying to defend myself, i have only ever, ever said anything about drama in relation to someone harassing me, making violent threats, calling names, etc. i've kept to myself, blocked these people to keep my distance, and it's still somehow a problem. they are still coming to my accounts to keep tabs or, if they deem fit, find ways to stir the pot again. i know people were keeping tabs on my posts, because these people who i've had blocked for years now were making posts about mine. not even knowing what it was about. honestly, after being told of some of the people who have been known to stalk and harass the blogs of myself and other mutual friends, i got paranoid. because it was not only just straight up block evading me, but these people i've been avoiding have harassed, have made violent threats, have called names and been disrespectful when i tried to end on peaceful terms. i won't say names because it doesn't matter. i'm not here to start a witch hunt, and on the same note, i'm not wanting a target on my back when i've already had problems of varying degrees with these people.

that brings me to my dni. in regards to my dni additions, i did add a new group on there due to a prior callout, and this situation: namely, because i felt this was on a level of baseless accusations as a previous callout mention and it did heavily upset me after seeing what i was accused of because of this. my dni does not change according to fandom, and has remained the same (with minor updates) since my time in the league fandom. the recent update including the lesbian erasure dni rule was added as it was in my original rules on my caitlyn blog (my caitlyn carrd can be found here, the last rule being established as i also have a diana, and planned to write neeko - canon lesbians to the league universe. it's something i've been vocal about there as well.)

i am a very firm believer in curating your own space of comfort. write what you want with who you want, but my rules and dni are for my space. to explain why i do not want to engage with certain topics or people who have made me uncomfortable, often due to situations that are related to my triggers and ocd. regardless of this, i do not condemn anyone for who they decide to write with, because at the end of the day this is just writing. i wouldn't accuse or try to instigate drama between two people without first talking. just wish i had been extended the same courtesy.

#drama // #last post and im leaving it up because i need this to be known. #tw drama

[loominggaia]

What would happen if every world leader got a dating app

I think Chua Lamai is too devoted to their position to date (Lamai's leaders are supposed to remain celibate). Gultopp Folkvar's wife would stomp him into a paste if she caught him trying to cheat on her, and he wouldn't anyway. Hethor Etios learned her lesson after cheating on her husband once and refuses to do it again. So that rules all of them out.

Serafeen of Damijana is supposed to remain celibate, but she has a history of getting freaky with dudes on the DL and then having them assassinated to protect her reputation. So she'd probably catfish some unlucky guy.

Titania of the Seelie gets matched with Morgause of the Unseelie. Both of them immediately delete the app in disgust.

Qara keeps getting messaged by gay dudes who think she's a bear. She introduces them to her husband, hoping he'll cheat on her so she'll have an excuse to leave him and save face.

Sovereign knows he looks like an old, bloated piece of crap and catfishes women with photos of himself from 1,000 years ago. Has "CECAELIAN WOMEN ONLY!" in big red letters on his bio.

I assume this is a dating app for nobles, so Jelani's probably on it, and he probably gets matched with Marghan Matuzu. After one unbelievably shitty date, Jelani calls up his best hitman and he's like "Listen, I want that snotty little twink obliterated." Marghan just has that effect on people...

Indiga's list of deal-breakers is so long that it excludes literally everyone on Gaia. Her profile gathers dust until she dies alone.

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

#ask #askfunny #askliterature

[fandomlife-confessions]

Now everything is added to the queue and I'll reopen the inbox. Have fun everyone!

-Mod Nen

Remember

Include where a character is from and not just names. Ship names are especially bad as not everything is on the shipping wiki. I'm not overly familiar with celebrities, so adding what kind they are especially if they aren't part of a band is really useful, like someone confessed about Noora Louhimo, that they specified that they meant the metal artist helped so much!

Everything jkr is still on hold and will be deleted. If they're mentioned along something else, I will take it out.

Any adult-x-child ships will still be deleted. If someone like superheroes get through because the wiki do not specify character age, please tell me if anything slips through. For example I know that Robin is a child and Batman is an adult, and that Supergirl is underage in the comics (sometimes it's hard to tell with these characters), but otherwise I'm mostly confused. If you come with these ships, you will be deleted, try to defend them and you'll be blocked. Coming with excuses for incest ships too will also be blocked. The reason I'm not deleting the ones finding teen characters attractive is that I don't know the age of the confessor, especially if they are anonymous, they could be the same age for all we know.

Don't threaten others for not liking the same as you or light a fire to start a flame war. It gets old quick and some tend to repeat arguments.

No racism, transphobia, ableism, homophobia, or support of real-life genocide, I don't know why I have to say this. This includes the infamous "I don't like X because I just don't", yes even if the person or characters is white, taking revenge like that will only make a never-ending cycle of people justifying hatred for others for no real reason. You can do "I hate x because he's in denial of the colonial era" and if he did worse things, as long as you aren't lying about it.

A chain of confessions about how much you hate someone, especially an actual person. You can do "I dislike Dudeegory McDudeomery because he took over for my favorite host, and I don't understand why he got the job as he has said or done these things and by making him host of such a huge show he gets a platform for his shitty opinions if he was to share them again". Not "Why I hate Dudeegory McDudeomery", "Why I hate Dudeegory McDudeomery Z", "Why I hate what Dudeegory McDudeomery said that one time with elements of the first confession", "Why I hate what Dudeegory McDudeomery did that one time with parts of the previous first and second confession put together", "Why I hate Dudeegory McDudeomery electric boogaloo", etc. Will be deleted and you'll get a warning, if you keep doing it you will be blocked.

Be nice

I'm going to delete those insulting looks, I find them stupid too which is why I used toys or other weird merch based on them as pictures instead. If someone was insulting Emma Watson, I'd use this doll and not her.

Also, I don't know why so many comments have been deleted, I'm not doing it. And if you have any premade confession edits which quite a few wanted to make but never did, send them in, I'll download it and add to the queue so you will be anonymous unless you want otherwise. Only allowing through the app for now as the submissions became really cluttered. I'm still open to tell what could be worse than what's mentioned in this confession.

#nac

[tears-of-boredom]

Hey fellas...truly feeling weak right now. I can't remember the awful feelings tiktok brings me, only the way it distracts me from my own failing life. Deleting the app last time worked, my desire to go on it always died down when I remembered I'd have to download it again. But I am truly so low now that I am probably going to download it after posting this. I just don't see my life going fucking anywhere, so putting myself into the shitty vibes of tiktok doesn't seem that bad. This started as a jokey "Oh god tiktok is awful but i want to use it" post, but now I'm imagining impailing my forehead onto a comedically long knife, in the pitch black darkness of this apartment. It's just a fantasy, because stabbing through my skull sounds too hard to try it. Yeah, this week I was feeling kind of positive, because I managed to go to school on monday and tuesday. But then wednesday came along and my shoulder was so sore it hurt, so I used that as kinda of a lazy excuse to not go. Except i didnt even tell anyone about it, so it was just an excuse to myself. And i was fully aware that it was an excuse. I read the first few pages of the new thursday murder club book on monday, and i think my forehead impailing fantasy is in a house from the first book. Im not that sure but it was the house of a dead girl, which had been refurnished and sold again to some old man, and the cops came and replicated the crime scene to find possible leftover DNA and fingerprints? Was that murder club, or was it the random detective book i read that kept calling a woman manly for working out, and kept describing dead people really fucking weirdly? I looked it up the other book is called "Cruel and Unusual". It reads like fanfiction with okay writing, but nothing fucking happens. I thinks its in a series, but honestly it didnt matter? Like i dont think any amount of backstory can help with the fact that the book is boring, and at times very weird. Yeah those thoughts distracted me from tiktok but now i genuinely want to download it versus the implusive need to do so before.

Anyways if you want to read good books heres to recs: The Elementia Chronicles by Sean Fay Wolfe and The Ghosts of Heaven by Marcus Sedgwick

Note: The Elementia Chronicles is a three/four book long series, depending on which version(s) of the last part you read. It's still a great book series, and I wish I owned copies so I could reread them without needing to purposefully seek them out from a library. But if you want just a quick one book read The Ghosts Of Heaven is good. I absolutely despise some of it but just trust me the vibes save those parts.

#lol what random book recs though. minecraft fanfiction and a character study about helixes.. #im exaggerating. you forget that its minecraft. and they dont bring the helix up even that much.. #also both are books that you could gaslight me into thinking i saw a movie of them.. #although the final scene in herobrines message is kinda messy in my mind.. #problem is that i create the space that the characters are in first. and then i struggle to adapt when the book doesnt have the same image. #books #feels weird to use that tag cause of the weird vent at the start.. #ive also probably talked about both of these books before..

[katsukis-sad-angel]

Based on a True Story

Summary: there's this boy who makes you super uncomfy and doesnt take a hit, but you're to sweet to tell him to back off. Katsuki Bakugou, the more blunt end of the friendship, is happy to tell him off and free you from that sorry bastard.

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader

Warnings: possible tw, a lot of swearing and some pretty colorful insults, there are guys that are really fucking creepy, based on the actual events of February 7th, 2021 at around 10:30 pm

A/N: this was very very rushed, I just wanted to write myself some comfort real quick and go to bed last night and I didn't have time to properly edit! I'm really proud of some of the banter lmao, please enjoy and never be afraid to punt a ballsack! I'll add tags later🙄🙄🙄

A message popped up on your screen and your once neutral expression went sour. Slamming the face of your phone onto your pillow, you groaned angrily into your bedspread, catching the attention of a certain ash blonde sitting in your comfy desk chair a few feet away. Katsuki Bakugou, one of your best friends, gave a questioning glance but refused to meet his ember gaze

“What’s your deal?” He asked, not letting his genuine curiosity as to why there was such a pained look on your face, show.

You opened your mouth but paused.

Katsuki already knew about this boy and scolded you every time he saw his name pop up in your notifications, telling you to ‘fucking block him already’ for the umpteenth time. It wasn’t like you had feelings for the guy anymore, you were just too nice and polite to cut him off completely and tell him to go fuck himself.

The ash-blonde had already volunteered to do it for you, but you always said no because you knew he’d just find another way to contact you.

“It’s that piss baby again isn’t it?” 

“Yeah…”

“Wow, did you just agree with one of my insults?”

“Suki, I’m about to take you up on your offer to tell him to go fuck himself.”

He snickered, “Now you’re talking sense. What the hell is that pansy bitching about now?”

You sigh and roll over on your back and Katsuki moves to sit on the edge of your bed.

“I cut him off for a while, I really did! It felt so good to be free of him, but then he got my number again and started bothering me a few days ago. I saw him at school yesterday and told him I wasn’t interested in dating at all and he was like whatever so I honestly thought he could keep it in his pants and we could just be friends but nooo! He calls me a simp for anime guys, I tell him to stop being a hypocrite because he used to simp for me and he was like “I still do. You’re the only one” yeah like I’m stupid enough to actually believe that!”

You paused to catch your breath, but before you could start speaking again Katsuki interjected, “Well, you are stupid…”

You socked him in the bicep and he hunched over laughing. You looked so fucking adorable when you got royally pissed at him.

“Oh go to hell.” You snapped, crossing your arms and continuing, “Anyway, this guy used to simp for my goddamn sister! Not only do I reject being a replacement for her, but if she rejected his sorry ass, that means he’s a huge piece of shit because she’s super picky.”

“I might’ve mentioned that once or twice-”

You punched him again to shut him up. “Plus he’s super creepy and gross and it always feels like he’s undressing me with his eyes and whenever he’s around I want to dive into a pool full of only chlorine and drink it. I’m just trying to coexist and just be nice to him but apparently, a female looking in his general direction means that they want dicked down by his micropenis. He’s so fucking dense too. Why can’t he see that I’m not interested, especially after I EXPLICITLY told him that?!”

By that point, you were on the verge of frustrated tears, bottom lip trembling just slightly with bottled up emotion.

Katsuki could see it.

You felt trapped in something you never signed up for and you’d do anything to get out. All of this frustration had been stored inside of you for so long and it just kept mounting and multiplying until you burst into tears.

“Goddammit, come here dumbass,” He growled, gathering you into a warm embrace, “You can’t keep all this bs inside okay?”

He let you sob into his shoulder, one calloused hand supporting the base of your neck and the other crossed firmly over your back so you’d feel safe and secure; away from the world full of horrible people and into a small one of just your best friend’s warmth and the sweet sweet scent of caramel.

“Why don’t you listen to me? You’re just too fucking nice to every shitty dickhead that sees you as an easy, fuckable target. Something really fucking bad is gonna happen to you if you don’t shape up and learn how to punt a dude’s excuse for a ballsack and tell him what you really think.”

You raised your head from the solace of his shoulder to look at him with big, reproachful doe eyes and whimpered, “I tried that!”

“Have you tried punting their fucking balls first?”

“No… that would hurt.”

“That’s the point.”

“But if I did it without reason I could get suspended or charged with aggravated assault!”

It was Katsuki’s turn to sigh.

“That’s not the point dumbass, the point is that you need to tell these bastards off when they start getting creepy. You know what? Why don’t you just fucking ignore their sorry asses in the first place!”

You sniffle and drag a hand over your cheek to dry your tears, then resume your position with your face in the crook of your best friend’s neck.

“I feel bad for them.”

“Well stop. I’m gonna call him now alright? After that, we’ll block his stupid ass on every fucking app, you hear me?”

You nod and hug him tighter as he leans forward to grab your phone and opens it with your passcode, swiftly finding his name in your contact list and pressing the call icon, then he tapped the speaker button and waited.

The call was picked up almost immediately and a voice on the other line said, “Hey cutie! I was just about to call and ask to see if you wanted to come over on-”

“She’s not here.” Katsuki cut him off with a dry snarl, “And last time I checked she wasn’t interested enough in your sorry ass for you to be calling her ‘cutie.’” 

You could almost hear his lip curl in utter disgust.

“Who the fuck are you?” The voice asked, dropping its sickeningly sweet tone to something more appropriate in light of the previous insult.

“I’m her fucking boyfriend you dickwad-” You popped up from your haven in surprise, mouth open to sputter in protest but he put a finger to your lips and smirked, “who the fuck are you?”

“No fucking way that whore has a boyfriend-”

“Ex-fucking-scuse me? Shut your mouth, you mother fucking pussy, insult her one more time and I’ll fuck you up so bad you won’t be recognizable by the time you get to the hospital.” He snapped back, “She’s crying right now because you’re too dense to realize she doesn’t want any business with some horse-faced piss baby like you. Take the hint right fucking now you useless bastard so you don’t make the mistake of coming near her again because I. Will. Kill. You. Delete this number because she’s too sweet to block you herself, but I will.”

“Fuck man, I was just tryna get laid. She’s the one who started rubbing herself all over me-”

“I said delete this number. Damn, you are a dense piece of shit aren’t you?”

“Hey, I-”

Katsuki pressed ‘end call’ and blocked his contact, moving from Instagram to Snapchat, to any social app you had, and blocked him left and right until he was satisfied.

“Feel better?” He asked softly, tossing your phone aside and peeling you off.

You carded a shaky hand through your hair and wiped your eyes, giving him a watery smile and a nod.

“Why did you tell him that we were in a relationship?” You asked, voice on the edge of a taunt.

“To make him mad.”

“I mean, it worked, but is that the only reason?” You giggled.

“The hell are you insinuating?”

“Do you… possibly by chance… have feelings for me?”

You batted your eyes at him and he retched, but the smirk was still present on his handsome features.

“What’s it to you?”

You squirm a bit, but something pops into your head so you can stall a bit longer.

“I mean, you’re not THAT ugly-”

He responded with a simple, harsh flick to the forehead to make you whine and try to whack him, but he easily intercepted your fist and pushed you on your back, caging you in nothing short of a horizontal kabedon.

It was your turn to smirk, “Yenno ‘Suki, I could very easily… oh what was your phrasing? ‘Punt your fucking balls’ in this position…”

“Just shut up and tell me what the hell you want.” Katsuki snapped.

“You’re cute when you’re flustered.” You prod.

“You look like a pissed hamster when you’re mad.” He shot back.

“You smell like a fucking candy store after training.”

“You’re the dictionary definition of a dumbass.”

“You have a better hourglass figure than Yaomomo.”

“You're quickly becoming an extra.”

“Date me.”

“Fine.”

“Wait really?”

“It’s the only way I can kiss you, protect you, and keep you all to myself.” He shrugged, leaning in dangerously close, “You don’t fucking understand how hard it is to watch you prancing around with one failed abortion after another and watching you cry because they leave since you don’t want the one thing they’re after.”

“You’ve always been there for me ‘Suki… I guess I just took you for granted, and I’m really sorry.” You met his soft vermillion gaze with a meaningful and apologetic one and reached out to squeeze his hand.

“‘S okay. You’re mine now, right?”

You nod, smiling. 

“So it doesn’t matter how dense you are anymore.” He smirked, laying down on your bed and dragging you down with him so you were tucked comfortably under his chin.

You grabbed the remote and flicked on the tv, preparing to turn on an anime you had in mind.

“What romance garbage are you inflicting on me this time?” Your new boyfriend groaned, burying his face in your hair.

“One that’s super sappy and romantic and sad just to piss you off.” You pouted, clicking on each letter to form the desired word in the search bar.

“Have fun with that.” Katsuki snarked, beginning to move away, but you stopped him by deftly pressing your lips to his.

You slowly pulled away, blushing furiously, but happy to feel strong forearms snaking around your front and crossing over your stomach.

“I certainly will.” You respond.

[stutterfly]

Love Bytes 07 | User Privileges | KNJ (M)

Last time on Love Bytes 06: Seokjin gives you an earful before you spend a peaceful evening with Namjoon. You try to convince yourself whatever is happening between you is nothing to think twice about, but you have to reconsider when morning comes. Luckily you’re able to focus your energy on the new matches on your dating app... Or so you think.

Rating: M (Explicit 18+)

Word Count: 12K

Series: Love Bytes (7/?)

Genre: F2L, fluff, humor, SLOW BURN, friendship feels, ANGST! pining, sexual tension, smut, Bestfriends!au, CollegeProjessor!Namjoon, IT/Nerd!Reader

CW: anxiety, sexual tension, angst, pining, sexual thoughts, language, sexting, grinding, panic attacks (mentioned), reader gets gaslighted, negged, and bullied like this is the 6th grade (verbal abuse by a side character/anatagonist), reader gets dubcon groped (not any of our perfect boys; them and Jennie swing into action), brief homophobic comment by an antagonist, fuckboy Jungkook showing his soft side (s/o to Swipe Right Jungkook; believe in him), alcohol use/mention, best friend Hobi, bestie Jennie, BFFLs to the rescue, protective/jealous Namjoon, soft Namjoon feels, Namjoon about to whoop some jerk’s ass, reader is a Dumb Bitch™ about her feelings and toxic relationship warning signs

Pairings: Namjoon x Reader, brot7 masterlist // previous chapter // next chapter

Do not repost.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You haven’t been able to put down your phone all day. An onslaught of “Super Likes” has you playing the foreign role of an extrovert, acting as peppy as possible to present your “best self” to your potential suitors. By the time your battery percentage is down to single digits, you’re feeling just as drained. You fumble with the charging port near the head of the couch, cheek squishing against the armrest. It’s hard to find the energy to rise. Why is trying to get laid so much work? Jennie made it sound way easier. Keeping your eyes open becomes more of a struggle than it’s worth. No amount of socializing feels as rewarding as letting yourself drift off.

You don’t mean to sleep through several group texts and phone calls, but your phone’s reverberations fall near silent against the back cushion. You might sleep through the night if not for a loud series of loud, familiar knocks on your door.

‘Knock--knock-knock--knock--knock.’

You groan into the air, “Whaaaaaat?”

“Open the dooooor.” Even muffled behind the thick wood, you recognize Hoseok’s nasally whine.

Still half-asleep, you shuffle towards the sound. The deadbolt clicks against the light pressure of your fingertips and yields the shining face of your friend. His grin practically reflects the light of the hall and amplifies its shine. It's almost sickening.

"What, were you sleeping?” He frowns narrowing his eyes at you as he scrutinizes every last detail set in your features. “Were you crying? You’re not still upset about your terrible date, are you?”

You smack his hand away as he fusses with the rat’s nest that is your hair. “No, I’m fine. I’m just exhausted from socializing on Tinder all morning.” You yawn, reaching for your phone. “What time is it anyway?”

“You sound like Yoongi,” he laughs, drawing the curtain across the room to let in some natural light. “Don’t worry. You didn’t sleep through the night. It’s almost two.”

“Oh good, it’s only been a couple hours.” You wince as the room brightens, holding back an annoyed hiss. Soft rain patters against the leaves on the tree outside of your window. Maybe the weather is finally letting up and you can see some real sunshine again sometime soon.

“I just wanted to check in. I know you’re too polite for your own good sometimes.”

You miss the concern in his face as you scan the latest batch of matches that have messaged you since your power nap. There was a guy asking if you wanted to meet for lunch, but you missed the window. He seemed pretty nice so you want to apologize as fast as possible so you don’t seem like a total bitch.

When you don’t even acknowledge Hoseok’s words, his face hardens. “...But not all the time, apparently.”

You look up from the keyboard on your phone, halfway through constructing an apology. Sensing his annoyance at your manners, you turn off the screen and offer a guilty smile.

“I’m sorry, Hobi. Jennie and Tae sent me the photos this morning and--”

His countenance changes in an instant, dropping his pout and grinning like a maniac as he sprints across the room. “What? Really? Let me see!”

He hip checks you into the couch and you both fall to the cushions with a graceless flop. You know you could convince him to drop it if you really wanted to, but a part of you is really enjoying the positive reactions from your matches and the attention is doing wonders for your self-esteem. What’s one more person inflating your ego?

“Oh, just one sec. I want to apologize for ghosting this dude.”

“You ghosted someone?” Hoseok shakes his head in disbelief, throwing his arm around you. “I’m so proud! Did he deserve it? Was it the guy at the coffee shop?”

You snort, fingers tapping your keyboard thoughtfully. “No. There’s this guy I was talking to earlier. He asked me to lunch right after I fell asleep.”

He furrows his brow at you. “I’m not really sure that’s ghosting if you planned on responding.”

Your fingers stop tapping the keyboard and you look up at him. “Oh. Well. I definitely ghosted the coffee guy. Just unmatched and deleted his number.”

“Attagirl.” He grins, playfully nudging his knuckles into your jaw. “So what’s this guy’s name?”

“Mmm. Don’t want to tell you, in case it doesn’t go anywhere,” you mumble, backing out of the conversation.

Hoseok glances down at your screen and raises his eyebrows when he notes all of the conversations you have going simultaneously. “Wow! Someone’s popular.”

“I didn’t expect such a big change once I got the photos. I hate to admit it, but you guys were actually right for once.”

His eyes widen. “Hmm? Say that one more time? Hold on!” He pulls out his phone like he’s going to record the statement and then laughs. “I’m glad you finally see my wisdom. Now gimme.”

He flexes his fingers a few times to make grabby hands at your phone. You navigate to your profile and allow him to peruse at his leisure, nervously micro-analysing his blatant facial expressions. You’re mostly getting a shocked and excited vibe, laced with a hint of pride as he keep repeating “wow” at each new image. Just as he’s moving on to the bikini photo, your cleavage is obscured by a new message.

“Jihoon? Is that your lunch guy?”

“What? He responded? I’ve been cussed out for ignoring a dude for five minutes. They’re usually not so understanding in my experience.”

“Yikes, is that what it’s like for girls?” Hoseok shivers. “On behalf of all men, let me apologize to you.”

“You’re absolved of your guilt for waking me up,” you joke, prodding his side with your finger and giggling when he wiggles away from your touch. “What did he say?”

“He says he still wants to grab a bite with you, if you’re up for it. Ooh he called it a wake up snack with a winky face!” he teases, already bringing up the keyboard to respond for you. “What should we say back? Let’s see… I’m not hungry, but I’ve got a snack for you if you wanna come get it…. Winky-- Hey!”

You snatch the phone back from him, smacking him lightly in the chest. “I’ll figure out something a little less eager, thanks.”

He shrugs. “Suit yourself. I think you should go though.” He’s already removed the scrunchie from your hair and is brushing it with his fingers to retie it. “Nothing like a rebound to get your mind off of things.

“I’m not having sex with him,” you mumble, sending off your response to Jihoon.

“Oh, by the way, we’re meeting up at Seesaw later. You can use that as your out.”

“You gonna buy me drinks this week too?” you ask sweetly, puckering your lips at him.

He scoffs. “Pfft. At Yoongi’s bar? Yoongi’s buying. Now, go put on some clothes that don’t look like you wore them to bed with someone else.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

A points system is something Hobi helped you come up with. You meet up for a snack at a bar and have one drink with him, telling him ahead of time you have dinner plans with friends so he gets the idea right away that your time is valuable. He starts with 100 and you can deduct based on gross mannerisms or behavior.

That way he starts in the positive and only falls to the negative if things go poorly. If he loses enough points, you can end the date by saying you have to get ready because you’re someone’s ride--which is technically true since Namjoon refuses to get his license and you've naturally taken to being his chauffeur.

Now that you're treating dating like a game, it seems like a piece of cake. You can just throw if you've been matched with a shitty teammate. This time you're expecting it. No way are you going to get trapped for 2 hours talking to some dude who doesn't give two fucks about who you are. You’ll probably be back home in no time, eating some of that ice cream still in your freezer and pretending to be interested in some other guy's messages. That's what dating is, right? It's fine. It's a good plan.

You can tell Hoseok and Jin that you made an attempt, are too tired to go out, get drunk alone in your apartment, have a good cry over some self indulgent romantic drama, and pass out with your vibrator cupped in one hand. It definitely sounds like the night of a well adjusted adult with healthy coping mechanisms for rejection, loneliness, and anxiety. It's in your nature to turtle when you feel so shitty about yourself, and your friends know it. You're just hoping they'll accept your excuse of fatigue as a simple fact rather than a disguise for your unhappiness.

There's just one little hiccup you've run into with this foolproof plan. The guy who agreed to meet you for a single drink isn't the one you'd been talking to all morning. He's funnier, twice as handsome, and at least three times more suave than his online persona. Deducting points from someone so charming is proving to be difficult, even after downing a second rum and coke in your haste to work off the genuine butterflies fluttering in your belly.

You can’t get your hopes up. You tell yourself this and yet your brain is ignoring that mantra in favor of bashing you over the head with feelings of excitement, especially when he drops his hand beside yours on the bar. He gently brushes his pinky against the back of yours as he laughs. Suddenly you don’t want this date to end. The smallest touch sets your nerves alight and you’re craving more.

Do you dare to pull out your phone to check the time? Is it rude? You don’t want him thinking you’re not having a good time, but you promised Hoseok that you’d keep it short. It’s a risk you have to take. Pulling the mobile device from your pocket, you try to casually bump the power button to check the time. You bite your lip, realizing you’ve already gone ten minutes past the time you’d decided to end it.

“You sure you can’t stay for another? I’m buying.” The man beside you smiles and playfully bumps his shoulder against yours as his fingers finally curl around yours on the bar. Your gaze is fixed on the motion of his thumb caressing yours.

The breath catches in your throat and you stutter out a flustered laugh. Shy eyes peek up from beneath fallen strands of hair, trying to decide if this is actually happening or if someone is playing a cruel joke on you. His lips part into an amused grin as he tucks the strand behind your ear. His fingers are warm as they lightly trail along the side of your face and instinctively you close your eyes and lean into his touch.

“Mmm,” you hum, losing yourself in the simple sensation of fingertips brushing against your cheek. The comfort the motion brings reminds you of someone else, someone you’ve been feeling incredibly confused about as of late. Panic settles in your belly as you almost say his name. “Na--” you catch yourself and clear your throat.

Trying not to draw attention to your mind’s slip-up, your eyes pop open and settle on the bar as you slink away, nearly falling from the stool as you collect your purse.“N-Nah. I, um, have plans. But, um...”

He curiously cocks his head at you. “Are you okay to drive, lightweight? I can call you a Lyft.”

A nervous laugh passes your lips as you twirl your fingers around the metal ring that houses your keys. “I’ll be okay. Thank you! I’m just! Really clumsy. Sorry. Th-this was nice though. Can we--Can we do this again?”

Shit. Way to sound desperate.

Much to your surprise, Jihoon offers a dimpled smile with a raise of his phone. “Hit me up again, beautiful. Any time. I'll tell them to go easy on the rum next time."

You hesitate on moving in to kiss his cheek and instead decide to nod and spin on your heels, nearly missing the waitress balancing a platter full of food beside you. Adrenaline rushes through you on the walk back to your car, a soft rain dampening your clothes and speckling the screen of your phone as you check your messages.

Hobi: how’s it going?

Hobi: you’ve gone over time Dirty Girl

Hobi: 😂

Hobi: tell me ur alive?

As you settle into the driver’s seat, you fingers are already working to craft a response that might reveal everything that you’re feeling, but nothing you try to say seems to do any justice to it.

You: I survived. SS? :)

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Hoseok leans back in his chair, taking in everything you’ve told him with a big grin as he picks at the nachos on the table. “So he didn’t try to kiss you?”

You wrack your brain, which is starting to fill with the haze of alcohol. "No. He held my hand for like half a sec though.”

He snorts, crunching down on a chip. “Risqué. Who would have thought you could be so naughty?”

You roll your eyes, debating on whether or not you should admit why you were able to end the things when you did. You scan the plate of nachos and your jaw tightens, shifting from left to right as you try to reason that you hadn't been thinking of someone else while on your date.

"I mean he might have tried to kiss me if I didn't end things so abruptly," you contemplate aloud with a dramatic sigh. “He was so nice. What if he never wants to see me again? What if I blew it?”

Hoseok is scrolling through your messages with Jihoon, scrunching his nose. “Hmm. Or maybe,” he pauses to flip the screen towards you, “you’re just being silly. What, did you get drunk off one beer again?"

Jihoon: Make it home safe, lightweight?

Your lips curl into a smile reading the message, quickly texting a response.

You: I'm fine lol i told you I wasn't drunk. Sorry if I worried you at all!

Jihoon: oh good guess I can spend the rest of my night thinking about you for other reasons now 😏

Breathing gets a little harder as your heart swells to your brain and turns it to mush.

"Damn this guy's smooth," Hoseok murmurs as you set the phone down on the table, feeling completely dumbstruck.

"What do I say?" you ask, suddenly unable to form a coherent thought. Panic bubbles deep in your belly. There’s no doubt in your mind whatever you say will make this guy never speak to you again and you actually maybe kind of enjoyed his company.

Hoseok drums his fingertips on the table, a devilish grin spreading across his features as he begins to walk them towards your phone. “I can type out something for you.”

He bursts out laughing as you quickly snatch the device, sending off a simple blushing smiley.

“Bo-ring,” he sings into the rim of his glass, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. Just as he’s putting his drink down, you’re bringing yours to your lips. “So does this mean you’re not sleeping with Namjoon anymore?”

A cough sputters from your mouth. Your drink comes dribbling out from between your lips like a boozy waterfall and ice cubes plop back into the nearly empty glass. “Namjoon told you?!”

‘Wha?” He raises his eyebrows, mouth hanging open. “For real?!”

Oh no. Oh. Nononononono.

“Not! Like that!”

He saw Namjoon coming out of your apartment this morning, but he failed to mention any recent developments. What’s he at, two weeks now? He can’t have confessed, but it’s clear that something has happened. Did he make a move? Did you?

A smug grin splits his face in two, as he plants an elbow on the table and rests his chin on his palm. For some reason the only thing playing in your brain as he stares at you like this is a quote from Spongebob Squarepants: ‘You like Krabby Patties, don’t you Squidward?’

“Stop looking at me like that!”

He continues to stare at you with his accusatory grin and you feel yourself cracking under the pressure.

“Hoseok!”

Silently waiting, he does a slow blink and lets out a lofty sigh full of longing.

“I--! We--! Slept. Literally slept. Not. Dirty,” you panic, trying to fix the mess you’ve made. Here you are telling Hoseok after making Namjoon promise to forget, to not say anything himself. You’re a filthy hypocrite. You only maybe planned on telling Jennie. Maybe. Because chances are she’d be looking at you the same way Hoseok is right now and you’re not sure you can handle the mortifying experience twice.

You drop your forehead to the table hard enough to rattle the plates and cups on the table. Hoseok cringes and reaches out to place a comforting hand on your back but then thinks better of it and awkwardly pats your head instead.

Your voice is muffled as you wrap your arms around your face. “We didn’t have sex. We were just sleeping in the same bed. Please don’t make it into something it’s not.”

He polishes off his drink and looks down at you. Something it’s not? It’s definitely something that should be. You idiots are so close to being everything you both want to be for each other, and yet for some reason you refuse to accept it as the truth. If you’re sleeping in the same bed, regardless of whether you're feeling each other up or if it really is just innocent cuddling, you’re already in too deep to call yourself ‘just friends.’

You narrow your eyes at him when he rolls his. It seems like admission is still a topic to be avoided.

“Fine,” he huffs, feigning indifference. “I was just hoping for some drama.”

Namjoon better get his shit together soon. You might actually see this smooth-talking person again. If he’s as charming as he seems, he’ll have you falling for him in no time. Hoseok contemplates whether or not the guy is just fishing for casual sex with an easy target, but he doesn’t know enough about Jihoon to say for sure. But you? As big as you talk, you’re soft. Squishy, inside and out. Either way Namjoon will be crushed; there’s no way around that. But the last thing Hoseok wants is to see is not just one, but two of his friends heartbroken.

“Don’t say anything. Please,” you beg, reaching for the hand resting on the back of your scalp and fixing your gaze on the table. The sound of desperation seems to confirm there’s more at play than friends snuggling up in the same bed. He wordlessly curls his fingers around yours, giving them a squeeze, which causes you to look up.

“I won’t say a word. Who do you think I am: Jimin?”

It feels like he’s opening the curtains in your apartment to let the sunshine in all over again when he smiles and you can’t help but let the silent giggles break your nerves down.

Familiar hands press down on your shoulders, giving them a gentle rub. “Damn. Drunk already, Geeksquad?”

You can’t help but straighten your spine and slink back into the motion, despite the fresh briar of worry prickling your insides. Are things weird? You feel like things are weird. You try to make sense of the confusion blossoming with your nerves, but fuck, it feels so good when he does that. “No…mmm.”

You melt into the man at your back and are met with a familiar dimpled smile. The anxiety in your stomach disperses as quickly as it came on. Hoseok watches in silence with pursed lips that threaten to curl into a smile. You guys are morons. The way you’re looking at each other is almost sickening; it’s like you’re the only two people in the room. Something has definitely evolved in your relationship, but it’s not enough. Not yet. He’s never wanted to smush two people’s heads together so badly.

Hoseok clears his throat and stands, pinching your arm as he passes by you. “I’m gonna get another drink.”

You smooth your palm over the tender flesh, wrenching yourself away from the hypnotic pull of the man behind you as you down your backwashed drink. He lets his hand linger on your shoulder as he slides into the chair beside you. Suddenly all you can think about is how good those hands felt holding you steady as he rutted his hips against your ass. You swallow, casting your gaze at the table while trying to push the memory from your brain. The harder you try, the more you remember. Moaning and grinding your ass back into him. The growl in his throat. The frantic panting in your ear.

He leans in, a familiar concern evident in his hushed tone. “Everything okay?”

No.

“Yeah.”

You wilt under his skeptical eyes, shifting your attention to the glass you��re now sliding back and forth between your hands.

“You sure?” he asks, letting his thumb trail down your arm

You try to remember to breathe, not wanting to draw attention to the flustered heat in your chest. It’s easy to attribute the inappropriate thoughts to your conversation with Hobi. He brought it up and he doesn’t even know. Not really. And now it’s all you can think about.

“No.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks, brow furrowing.

Yes.

When you don’t answer, he rests his elbow on the table and uses his palm to support his head. “Office hours are closed but Namjoon’s therapy hours are open.”

I want you to come home with me again so we can dry hump like we’re teenagers. You wish you had a shock collar for your thoughts. Stop. This is Namjoon.

You shake your head and force a guilty smile as you meet his gaze. Regret courses through your stomach, causing it to do somersaults. You can tell he spent way longer styling his hair than he would have you believe, but you’d be lying if you said he didn’t do a great job. It’s surprising he would let it get so long in such humid weather, but the ashy brown color compliments his dark eyes well and you hate to admit he looks rather attractive with it falling over his forehead like this. It just looks so…

Pullable.

You want to twist your fingers in it and draw him in. Your tongue pokes the inside of your cheek and you scold yourself, squashing the thoughts before they can take over. Think about something else.

Easier thought than done. Your brain has moved onto another target, focusing on the muscular forearm supporting his head. Has he really been working out? In his current position, the shadowy contours sculpted into his flesh seem more prominent than usual. It’s like you’re seeing them for the first time. The loose tanktop hanging around his torso probably has something to do with it. Your eyes linger far too long on a brown nipple poking out from behind the thin fabric.

He raises his eyebrows, watching your eyes wander everywhere but his face. You’ve been silent too long, but every thought in your mind threatens to spill out. You clear your throat, forcing your eyes to rest on his face. Anything is better than the hesitation heavily seated on your tongue.

“I had a date today.” Of course the first thing that comes out is just a complicated addition to the stockpile of conflict in your gut.

He does his best to remain stoic, despite the tendrils of hurt creeping up his chest. It's easier to mask the pain as surprise. "Oh? For real?"

"He seemed okay." You nod. "I didn't even spill anything on myself this time."

"Wow," he chuckles, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Look at you, all grown up."

“Yeah. I put my bra on by myself and everything,” you joke, oblivious to Hoseok’s approach.

His hands reach around your sides, planting two drinks on the table. One looks suspiciously like something you would drink and the other is most definitely beer.

“Wow, what did I miss?” Hoseok asks, hugging you from behind. Any excuse to tease you is a good one, especially knowing there’s something going on between you and Namjoon. His fingers walk up your arms and tussle your hair.

Namjoon watches your expression morph into embarrassment and graciously brings the beer to his lips. You’re so cute when you’re flustered. Warm butterflies attempt to extinguish the inky tendrils of despair using his heart as a vice grip. Again he had his chance to confess this morning, and again he didn’t. And now you’re here running through the details of your date with someone else. It would be selfish to tell you now, wouldn’t it? It’s just something he’ll have to deal with.

Hoseok watches his friend’s eyes drop to the table as you prattle on about your date. While you’ve known Namjoon for a little longer than a year, Hoseok’s been friends with him for much longer. Maybe that’s why you can’t see it: the hopeful light being sucked from Namjoon’s eyes even as he hangs on your every word. Because he’s so in love with you, he’ll listen to anything you have to say, even if it’s about your attraction to someone else.

Hobi pinches your sides, shifting the focus of the conversation to his grabby little crab fingers and how much you hate them. He mocks you, dodging your playful smacks to his ribs. If the opportunity arises to spare Namjoon from another second of heartbreak, he’ll take it. He knows Namjoon never will, no matter how much it hurts.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

The work week passes quickly. Things almost feel normal again. It probably helps that you made a point not to get sloppy drunk, you didn’t kiss Jimin, and you didn’t invite Namjoon back to your place for another dry-humping session disguised as platonic cuddling. But there’s this nagging feeling in the back of your head, constantly reminding you that you liked it. Try as you might to deny it, nothing sounds more appealing than the safety and warmth of his arms.

Instead you’re rolling against the cold sheets of your bed, trying to will yourself to get up. Again you’ve been dreaming about him. Again you tell yourself it’s just sexual frustration latching onto a familiar face. And again you stare at the ceiling, entirely unconvinced that there isn’t something more to it. You wish you invited him over again this weekend. You missed how good it felt to have him at your back, sliding his fingers along your arms until you fell asleep.

You talk to him every day and yet you’re still itching for more, looking for any excuse to talk to him, hoping he’ll break something that you’ll have to come fix since he hasn’t all week. It’s strange. So roll onto your side, face smushed into the pillow as you send him a text.

You: i heard u say u were gonna buy me coffee today. That’s so nice bae 😍

You wait a few minutes before the dots appear on screen.

Joonie: You are literally the worst. My alarm was just about to go off. 

You: 🙂

You: u gonna tho

Joonie: Buy your own damn coffee

You: WOW RUDE 😭i just wanted a little succ

You: of the

You: caffiENE

Joonie: Why are you like this?

You: because ur my favorite person

Joonie: ….

He sends a meme from Spongebob where a fish is extending its neck with a judgemental stare.

Joonie: You don’t have to butter me up to get free coffee. Just text me your order

You: ashkfls;adsfkshfk ok ok gimme a sex

You: SEC

Joonie: 🙄

Talk about Freudian slip. You pause, considering what kind of coffee mood you’re in today. Bitter espresso or sugary sweet?

You: Vanilla iced coffee with one sugar pump please

Joonie: aight stop by my office. I’ve been having trouble connecting to the printer but no one has come to check it out

You: did u set up a ticket?

Joonie: Of course. I guess no one is as competent as you 

You: kiss ass

Joonie: 😘

You roll your eyes, close out the conversation, and purse your lips before setting the phone down. Your latest dream resurfaces in your brain, straddling Namjoon’s torso as he leans you back over his desk and peppers your chest with kisses. Again you tell yourself it’s not about Namjoon, but the thirst associated with the drought of your sex life. Running your fingers down your torso, you start trying to work off some of the residual tension from your dreams.

Conflicted doesn’t even begin to describe your feelings. Confused doesn’t cover it either. You’d already met up with Jihoon again for a serious competition of indoor minigolf followed by a casual fast food dinner. Even then you found yourself thinking of one lanky professor, his dimpled smile replacing Jihoon’s every time he laughed. It’s why you didn’t take him up on the offer to return to his place. That and the fear of potentially being murdered.

You don’t want to have sex with someone when you don’t feel safe, but you consider ways to combat that that feeling for the next one. Maybe bringing him to your place is safer. After all, Yoongi and Hoseok are just down the hall. They’d be sure to check in on you if they knew you had company. People have sex with strangers all the time. It’s not that complicated. Why are you making it into such a big deal?

You can’t help but feel a little guilty. Things have been progressing with him pretty fast, but you have plenty of other offers to meet up with guys that you just haven’t jumped on. It’s kind of overwhelming now. Maybe you should call this dating thing off until your figure out what the hell is going on with your brain.

Or maybe you should just focus on masturbating instead of the confusing guys lighting up the switchboard of your brain. As you reach for your phone and start typing in the familiar web address of your favorite porn site, a photo message from Jihoon appears. You wonder what kind of meme he’s stolen from twitter this time. Carefully, you pause your search in favor of opening his message. It’s definitely not the meme you were looking for.

What you do see is a whole lot of skin along with a carefully placed kissy emoji over his crotch and a “good morning” text accompanying the image. You swallow hard, allowing yourself to be a creep for half a second. You spread your fingers across the screen to zoom in, taking in the sight of the rippled shadows lining his stomach.

You: 😵 

You: im dead sorry we cant see each other anymore

Jihoon: 😂 sorry was that too much?????

You want to say no, but your belly does somersaults at the prospect of sending your own crafted picture as a response. It takes some finagling but you finally manage a shot with your arm wrapped around your chest at the perfect angle. No rolls showing, just a set of perfectly pouty lips, slanted jaw, and a great shot of cleavage. You know it’s taken you far too long to respond and you’re only slightly panicked as you scramble to send the photo over.

You see texts fly in from Namjoon and Jihoon and you swipe to close out the conversation with Namjoon. You quickly attach your photo and hit send, hoping Jihoon will feel rewarded for his patience. But your stomach sinks like a stone has been dropped into it. Your image doesn’t appear in the string of messages with him.

Jihoon: Left you speechless, huh?

You: JUST A BIT I NEED TO GO

You don’t give him a chance to respond or sass you for potentially getting off to that pic. You know how your statement reads, but you can’t be bothered to care with the other thought on your mind. Quickly navigating to your conversation with Namjoon, you wince, seeing the previous message he sent with the image you intended for another recipient.

Joonie: Whipped cream?

And there’s the risqué image.

If you ignore it, will he pretend he never got it? Or should you apologize right now and purge the view of the image by sending a billion texts? You decide on the latter, trying to perform damage control. He laughs it off and sends off a joke about just wanting a yes or no along with a few sickly emojis. You still feel terrible. How many times can you fuck up with him in one month? You’re surprised he still agrees to be your friend.

Hanging your head, you forgo touching yourself in favor of a cold shower.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

By the time your get to his office he’s just setting two cups on his desk and shrugging off his long trenchcoat. His back is to you as you attempt to quietly slink in, but he turns to hang the damp piece of clothing on the rack to your left. You freeze like a deer in headlights, but his eyes soften.

“Mornin’ Geeksquad.”

“Good morning,” you sheepishly mumble, shrugging off your own damp hoodie.

The shirt you’ve chosen today is a flowy button-up blouse, which is a step up from the t-shirts you normally wear. Paired with the form-fitting slacks and makeup you took painstaking attempts to apply this morning, you feel confident that you’re at least somewhat stylish, even if you’re not on Namjoon’s level.

“You…” He tries to remember what words are as his eyes roam over your form. Noticing the top two buttons of your blouse are undone, he clears his throat and tries to push the photo from this morning from his mind, but it keeps coming back. “You look really nice today.”

You smile, folding your arms over your chest as he noticeably stiffens, fumbling with his words.

“I mean, you look nice every day. But, ah…. This-This outfit looks good on you. Really good.”

He rubs the back of his neck and you relish in the appreciation he offers, even if he’s a mess about it. Your cheeks are on fire and you giggle, finding your heart jumping at the way he stammers his way through the conversation.

Why are you acting so shy? You love it when he loses composure. You swallow, allowing yourself to embrace the heat in your belly. Isn't this exactly why you started dressing up more at work?

Pushing the demon on your shoulder back into the floating expanse of your stomach, you press your lips together in a thin line, trying to hide the grin threatening to show off the teeth you've recently started whitening.

“And you’re waiting… For the uh…. The computer. Printer. Thing. Of course. Hold up. Let me log in.”

He crosses the room and sits in his chair, eager to focus on something other than your gorgeous face and distracting body since it's clear you're feeling yourself today. You plop down in the cushioned chair on the other side of his desk and rest your neck on the back of the chair to stare at the ceiling. He focuses on the screen, slowly typing his password and trying his best not to look past his monitor at you. He begins twirling a pencil between his fingers to keep himself from fidgeting.

While he had tried to make you feel better about the accidental photo, it was just another thing piled on to your interactions lately that have been making it harder and harder to keep his feelings to himself. Was it really an accident? Maybe you’re just testing the waters. After everything that’s happened, he’s not sure what to think. Everything feels too coincidental to be anything other than pure attraction flying between the two of you. But if that were true, you’d have asked him to spend the night again.

He was hoping for it, hoping for another chance to make his move. This time he’d be sure to lock the door and switch your phone volume to silent. This time he’d buy you a dozen misfit roses with a billion thorns. This time he had it planned out: flowers, dinner, movie, and confess with a kiss.

After hearing about your first date with this Jihoon guy, he decided he was going to suck up his insecurities and finally go for it. It was bad enough when he thought you’d end up with Jimin, but the thought of losing you to a stranger is far worse than he could have imagined. But the weekend passed without invitation and his courage waned as soon as it was clear he would have to initiate.

Thinking about it and actually doing it are two different things. What if he messed things up? Time already appeared to be running out when Hoseok had given him a deadline to confess by, but with your new dating developments, time seemed to be slipping through his fingers even faster than before. His hesitation helps nothing.

His stomach lurches as he considers the ramifications of the image you sent this morning. If you didn’t mean to send it to him, then it must have been meant for Jihoon. Are you really already exchanging nudes with this other guy? Has he seen all of you? Has he already lain with you? Filled the space in your bed? In you? Maybe Jihoon is the only one he knows about. What if you’re talking to even more people and that photo was for someone you haven’t even mentioned yet?

The pencil in his hand splinters into pieces with a loud crack and your head snaps up to look in the direction the sound came from.

“What was that?”

“Uh… Just me being the God of Destruction.” He rises motions for you to take his place in the chair as he pockets the fragments of the broken pencil.

You shake your head, grabbing your drink as you circle the desk and get comfortable in his chair. “You’re hopeless.”

Navigating the network doesn’t take very long. It just looks like a missing password to connect to the printer’s address. Huh. You don’t remember updating anything. Maybe your coworkers reset it. Regardless, it’s an easy fix. You take a sip through your straw and slam the cup down on the desk.

Suddenly your dream is on vivid display in your head and you freeze as you stare at the smooth, dark surface of the polished woodgrain. The sound of his balls slapping your ass echoes in your ears. You can see the scenario, clear as day. He grips your hips and fucks himself into your tight cunt, tits bouncing in his face as he sucks a hardened nipple into his mouth, praising you for your tightness, how you squeeze him, how you take him so well like the dirty slut you ar--

His hands come down on your shoulders. “Hey. You okay?”

Blood rushes in your ears and you shake the daydream off. You really need to stop watching naughty teacher porn but it’s always on the first page. You tell yourself it has nothing to do with Namjoon and everything to do with laziness. The problem with that is you’re usually very particular about the videos that you watch. Can you fully attribute it to laziness when this is the type of thing you found yourself skipping over just a few months ago? Don’t dwell on it, you tell yourself, continuing typing where you left off.

“Sorry, just… spaced out,” you mumble, leaning back in the chair as you finish up. “There. Should be all set.”

He allows his gaze to drop down past the two open buttons and straight to your breasts, perfectly nestled against the silky black material of your bra. His eyelids flutter and he licks his lips, hoping you don’t notice what a creep he’s being right now. How much spank bank material can he collect in one day?

“Do you want to test it?” you ask, quickly rummaging through the millions of icons on his desktop for any word document.

His breath hitches as you hover over one labeled ‘Draft_Trivia_L,’ double clicking it without a second thought. His hand catches your wrist and he spins you to face him as the document opens.

“You can’t just open things. That’s private!” he flares, heat building in his face. His gut fills with immediate regret.

You blink a few times and look down at your lap, feeling rather foolish. You’ve never seen him snap like that; it must really important. Regardless of your friendship, you know better as a professional. Your gut tumbles in endless circles. Just knowing you’ve upset him on top of everything else you’ve fucked up with your friendship has your mind heavy with guilt.

“I’m really sorry. I should have asked first,” you murmur, feeling like you’re about to cry. You’re not a child. You can handle being scolded when you’ve done wrong, even though it sucks. But this is different. He’s never gotten even remotely angry at you before. And you’ve never wanted crawl into to the server room and volunteer the remainder of your week sorting cables, but there’s a first time for everything.

The hands at your wrists fall to his sides and his expression softens. Before he can offer the apology on the tip of his tongue, you rise and head straight for the door.

“Test it out and let helpdesk know if it’s working.”

Just as you grab the handle and pull open the door, his hand pushes the heavy panel back in place with a click. You turn around, your back resting against the door, but he keeps his arm steady, hovering over you in a way that makes your heart race, despite the turmoil churning in your tummy.

“Wait. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap,” he says in a gentle tone. “It’s just… that particular document is… very personal. It’s--”

“You don’t have to tell me,” you say in a quiet voice. “I fucked up. I’m supposed to let you drive after I fix stuff. I’m not supposed to touch anything other than what’s broken.”

“You know I don’t have a license,” he jokes, earning a soft laugh from you. He sighs. “Remember how I told you about that one student? Well it turns out they really resonated with our poetry studies. They told me it reminds them of something they like to do for fun.” He hesitates, rubbing the back of his neck.

“They like to freestyle rap. Do tons of underground competitions, that kind of thing. So I’ve been working with them on bridging the gap between literature, poetry, and rap. And that document you opened… I’m trying my hand at it to lead by example. I want to share it with you, but it’s... not done and it’s a mess I’m still working through. But I promise I will let you see it when it’s done.”

“I’m sure it’s amazing. You’re a genius,” you admit with a shrug of your shoulders. “You have a way with words unlike anyone I’ve ever met. Don’t feel like you have to show me anything, Namjoon. You’re not obligated to.”

He scoffs, relaxing his posture to pinch the bridge of his nose as the compliment starts to sink in. Did you just acknowledge his sexy brain? He can’t help but grin like an idiot as he shakes his head. “I have to show you. It’s actually… I kind of wrote it about… I mean, for you.”

Your eyes widen, curiosity bubbling in your chest. “M-Me?”

What the hell could he possibly have to say about you that could turn into a literary piece to lead by example?

“Yes. You.” He takes a sip of the beverage in his hand before thrusting it in your direction. “You know what? I don’t actually hate that.”

“I know. You have a sweet tooth,” you giggle, swiping your finger across the whipped cream covering the tip of his nose.

You take your finger into your mouth and lick it clean. He watches you with hungry, longing eyes, replacing your finger with something else in his mind. He quickly covers the look with a sigh, gathers your coat from the rack nearby and throws it over your head, shielding himself from your teasing actions. You scramble to regain your field of vision and grin at him as he sits down at his desk again.

You turn to finally leave again, this time in much better spirits. “I’ll talk to you later, Joonie.”

“Geeksquad,” he calls, causing you to pause. “We’re good, right?”

You rest your face on the doorframe as you peer back at him with a shy, slightly smooshed grin. “Of course. As long as you don’t hate me for the million ways I mess up.”

He chuckles, warm dimpled smile gracing his features. “Never.”

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Thursday night. Finally. You sit on your couch legs propped up over Jennie’s lap, finding some time to catch up with your bestie. She passes the bowl of popcorn over to you, engrossed in the comedy-drama you’ve been binging for the last couple hours. When you shake your head and push the bowl back in her direction, she looks over at you.

“What’s wrong.” It’s a demand, not a question.

“Why would you think anything’s wrong?” you ask defensively, already feeling like you’re about to cry.

“Because I know you, you dumb bitch,” she responds with the love of someone who has definitely seen you at your worst. “Also your leg has been bouncing for the last ten minutes and if you had to pee you would just get up.”

Immediately you halt the motion you hadn’t realized you’d been making. “Jihoon wants to meet up again this week.”

“Wow. Does that make date three? Bow-chicka-wow-wow,” she jokes, causing your feet to rise as she bumps her hips up and down.

You swipe at the air and roll your eyes. “Please, like he wants to.”

She scoffs, stuffing her mouth full of popcorn. “Didn’t you say he tried to get you back to his place after the last one? Dude def wants to bang it out.”

You twiddle your fingers nervously. “Do you think I should?”

“What, fuck him?” she asks, blinking at you as though she’s carefully analyzing your body language through the fluttering of her eyelids.

You slowly nod, puffing your cheeks out and letting air slowly escape the little ‘o’ you’ve made with your mouth. “I already told him I would get drinks with him and I’m nervous about taking things further after.”

“Y/N, honey, why are you asking me? I’m not gonna do it for you. Do you want to fuck him?”

“I don’t know…” You rub your forehead nervously, looking back at the television. “But I think it might take my mind off of some things.”

“Like...?” she prods, realizing there’s something else you’re on the verge of needing to get out, but you need a teensy push to get there.

You purse your lips and stare up at the ceiling, trying to figure out a way to make it sound less crazy than the bottled up way it’s consuming your thoughts.

“When I’m with him... I can’t stop thinking about Namjoon,” you say quietly, feeling lightheaded just from having said it out loud. You said the words. You admitted it’s a thing. Now what? Jennie will know what to do.

“Ew,” she says out of instinct, knowing anytime she’s broached the subject of you getting together with Namjoon you’ve made gagging sounds. But when she sees the horror on your face, she pauses. “Oh, are we not at ew anymore? Are you finally cool with me saying he’s fine as hell? You feeling a little change, babe?”

“I don’t know what I feel. But it’s not ew. Not even close. I keep having these…” you pause and look at the unlocked door, wondering if there are any ears listening on the other side. Your voice drops to a whisper and you lean in. “I keep having these dreams where he’s… you know?”

“Oh, okay,” she says with a nod, not quite understanding what you’re getting at, but trying to be a good friend by agreeing anyway. She plants her elbow on the back of the couch and rests her cheek on her palm. “But like… how do you mean?”

Your eyes look everywhere but at her face. “You know…”

“Oh?” Her eyebrows furrow and it’s not until you make a crude circle with your hand and poke a finger through it a few times that her eyes light up with understanding. Her voice takes on a surprised tone. “Oh!” She pushes your legs off her lap, pauses the show, and scooches closer. “Okay. Wow. This is really happening. Finally. Details. Spill it.”

With a groan, you recount every last thing you can remember about the time you’ve spent with Namjoon in the last few weeks, everything from toilet hair to the most recent photo mishap. When you’ve finished, Jennie sighs loudly.

“I take off for like a week and this is what happens. I love you, but you are a serious fucking mess.” You’ve just been fanning the flames of the torch he’s been carrying for you. No wonder it’s all coming to a head like this. She’s surprised Namjoon hasn’t caved and finally confessed already. Isn’t he ready to blow at this point? She stifles a giggle at the double entendre.

“I know.” You stare at the ceiling, hands folded over your lap. “So what do I do?”

“Okay. Let me get this straight. You’ve slept in the same bed, cuddled, flashed him, almost made out with him, humped him, sent him a nude, you’re having sex dreams about him aaaaand you’re thinking about him while you’re on dates with other people… And you’re asking me what to do? You know what to do. Just bang it out already,” she says, clapping her hands together on the last few syllables to emphasize her point.

“Obviously there’s something there. So why don’t you just test the chemistry? You guys might be surprisingly compatible.”

You shake you head and run your fingers through your hair. “I can’t risk his friendship. I’ve fucked up so much already. Like what if we do it and he’s like… cool let’s not ever again. And then he tells me our friendship is over.”

“He won’t,” she groans, tossing one of the throw pillows at you. “Stop being dumb.”

“But…” Your mind races as you consider every last thing that could go wrong, hugging the pillow to your chest. “Jennie, I’m too scared to lose him. I can’t.”

Her brow knits in concentration. Your fears are understandable, but she knows you can be happy with him if you just open up to the possibility, especially since you’ve become such good friends in such a relatively short amount of time. But she also knows pushing you too hard too fast will make you clam up. You may not be willing to address what you feel, but at least there’s admission of some kind of feeling. That’s progress.

“So where do we go from here, Y/N? What are you doing?”

You wish you had an answer. “I… I’m calling Firewall on this. Right now. Namjoon keeps me in line with everyone else. You keep me in line with him.”

Jennie swallows, her heart breaking for you both as she nods. “Okay. If that’s what you want,” she agrees softly.

“It is,” you say, voice already full of uncertainty.

You have a date tomorrow night with Jihoon and you’ve decided you are going to stop thinking about Namjoon for the entirety of it. For the sake of your friendship and your sanity. You have to keep things simple and divided. So why does it feel like that’s way too easy of an answer?

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Jihoon is way better at dancing than you are, which doesn’t come as a surprise, honestly. What you do find shocking is the blatant boner you feel poking against your ass as he guides you across his hips and the filthy things he whispers into the slope of your neck. Clearly he uses dancing as an excuse to cop a feel, but the butterflies in your stomach and the heat in your cheeks tell you you’re okay with that. You shyly reach up to cradle your fingers around the back of his head, breath staggered as you slowly lean back to press your lips to his. His jaw is stiff, but his lips are big and soft and it’s easy enough to substitute the person you’re craving without a second thought. Fireworks explode in your brain, blocking off all possible hangups about the action.

As he brings his hands up to your chest, giving your tits a rough squeeze, you come crashing back down. Fuck. You had one job tonight. Firewall, remember? Your eyes shoot open and you’re left with a suffocating swarm of bodies around you and hands that feel constricting. It’s too much. You need air. You need air and space around you to figure this out.

You grab his hands and move them back to an innocent place on your hips. “I’m gonna get another drink,” you say, desperate to escape this place you suddenly feel trapped in.

He allows you to slip through his sweaty fingers and disappear into the crowd.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Namjoon says, unable to take his eyes off the way you’re moving with the man at your back. Is this his fate: destined to watch you grind your body on someone else?

Jennie, Jungkook, and Tae exchange worried looks. Hoseok just scoffs as he peers through the glass railing across the sea of writhing bodies.

“I know. What kind of dancing is that? It’s like she can’t remember anything I taught her. Crescent moon shapes. CRESCENT.” He grunts in frustration and drags his hand down his chin. “I’m gonna have an aneurysm.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, leaning back in his chair and placing his arms out around the back of Jennie and Jungkook’s chairs. “Of course that’s what you would see.”

She grumbles as Tae manspreads, knocking her knee with his. She settles for the way his fingers trail feather light touches at her back.

“Namjoon, you didn’t have to come,” she says sympathetically. “I just wanted to keep an eye on her just in case… I’m sorry. I know you guys think I’m crazy. But like… I’ve been with crazy. And if that experience has taught me anything, it’s to trust my gut.” She pats her stomach a few times and takes a small sip of her drink. “And my gut says don’t trust a hoe you don’t know, especially with your bestie.”

“That’s exactly why I had to come,” he sighs.

Touche, she thinks.

Suddenly you’re moving in a slow, sweet way that Jennie recognizes as your telltale shy kiss. As much as she likes the feeling of Tae’s fingers dancing with the ends of her hair, she stands and takes Namjoon’s hands, pulling him from his seat. She can hear Tae’s grumbly protests as she moves away, but it doesn’t matter. She’d really like to spare Namjoon the heartbreak of watching the person he loves kiss someone else.

“Joonie. Get up. Switch places with me. Come on.”

Her act of heroism comes too late. He falls back into his chair with his jaw hanging open, unable to stomach the sight. So he forces his eyes to focus on the ambient lights dangling from the ceiling. It's stupid. You're not even his, so why did that feel like getting punched in the gut? He closes his eyes and swallows the growing lump in his throat. Get it together.

Jungkook grimaces at Hobi, mouthing the words ‘what do we do?’ Hoseok looks from Jungkook to Namjoon, and then down to the floor where you’re prying Jihoon’s hands away from your chest and shying away. Squinting to get a better view of your form, he realizes you’re not just slinking away, you’re running away.

Hoseok rises, dragging his dejected friend to his feet. "Hey, let's get you something stronger than a ginger ale. Up! Up! Time to get our bodies moving. Things will be okay!"

Hoseok jerks his head in the direction he saw you running off to, making eye contact with Jennie. "Y/N is obviously okay! So let's not have wasted this time sulking when we could be getting endorphins going."

Jennie cocks her head to the side as she stands and peers over the rail, trying to discern whatever information Hoseok wanted to relay. Then she sees it: the distant form sneaking into the bathroom.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Namjoon groans as he leans his elbows on the bar. “You know what, I’m starting to think this wasn’t such a good idea. She’s obviously safe and happy. Can you please drop me off at home?”

Hoseok is looking past Namjoon, squinting into the crowd as though looking for something in particular. “You know this is your last weekend to confess before I tell her for you, right?”

“Hey. Don’t complicate her life. She’s got someone now. I appreciate the push, but it’s done. There’s nothing else to--”

“Hey isn’t that the guy?” Hoseok interrupts, hastily thrusting a pointed finger just in front of his friend’s nose.

Namjoon’s gaze follows Hoseok’s fingertip to Jihoon on the other side of the bar, putting his hands around some other girl’s waist and burying his face into her neck as they grind on one another.

“What the fuck?” Namjoon breathes.

His feet are moving without provocation and before he knows it, he’s angrily wrenching the couple apart. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

“Dude what the fuck? Do I know you?” Jihoon blinks, giving him a shove.

Namjoon’s shoulder dips back, but his stance is firm. He drags his lip through his teeth, a manic grin threatening to spread through if he doesn’t keep his jaw tight. “Try that shit again. I dare you. I will lay you out.”

The girl he was dancing with grimaces and quickly backs away, sensing the danger in this situation. Jungkook is waiting. He catches her wrist and spins her gracefully into his arms.

“Careful, gorgeous. Don’t want you mixed up in whatever that is, hmm?” he says, brushing the hair from her face with featherlight touches that contrast the solid mass of his body pressed against her side. “Don’t you want to dance with me instead?”

She looks like she’s about to slap him for a fraction of a second, but melts into a puddle as soon as she meets those big brown eyes. She weakly allows him to lure her away from the squabbling men.

“Maybe…”

“Hah. Well then. Maybe I’ll let you,” he teases, poking his tongue into the side of his cheek and disappearing into the crowd with her hot on his heels.

Jihoon’s jaw grows taut with annoyance as he watches his target slip away. He scoffs. “What the fuck is your problem with me? I don’t know you. Get lost.” He clicks his tongue and mutters, “fucking punk.”

“You’re here with Y/N and you’re out here feeling up other girls. That’s my problem with you.”

“Pfft. That’s what this is about? What are you, her boyfriend? Or do you just have white knight syndrome? Look, I don’t care what you guys are. Everybody has a side piece. Why are you being so judgemental?”

Namjoon’s concentrated brow briefly transforms into confusion, causing his response to die on the tip of his tongue. Jihoon catches the panic before he can turn his face to stone.

“Oh, that’s not it is it? I see how it is now. You’re stuck in the friend zone.” Jihoon lets out a smug laugh. “Are you stalking her? You must have seen our kiss. Tell me. How badly do you wish you were me?”

Namjoon feels like his teeth are going to break if he keeps grinding them together like this, but it’s all he can do to keep himself from unloading on this guy.

“Heh. Judging from your silence, pretty fucking badly. How long have you waited? Months? Years? Be honest. It drives you crazy knowing that I’m going to have her tonight, doesn’t it?”

“You don’t deserve her,” he spits back, unable to hold the jealous venom from his tone. “I’m not even worried. She’ll figure you out.”

Jihoon shakes his head, taking a few steps closer to him. “You’re wrong though. I know her type. She’s desperate for somebody to love her. Anybody will do. It doesn’t matter who.”

His words are like a sucker punch to the gut. What if he’s right? Regardless, he powers through his insecurities, knowing a guy as shitty as Jihoon is trying to go for the low blows to throw him off his game. “Man, do you ever get tired of spewing shit?”

“Dude, why do you even want her?” Jihoon shakes his head with a laugh. “Yeah, she's kind of cute but there are plenty of hotter chicks out there.” He clicks his tongue. “I thought I saw an easy opportunity to get laid but I didn't think someone as desperate as her would take this long to get in the sack. It’s kind of more trouble than it's worth for what's bound to be a mediocre lay. I can just tell.”

Namjoon clenches his jaw tighter, knowing that he’s just egging him on at this point.

“But I’ll fuck her anyway. Because I can.”

Namjoon lunges toward him but Taehyung and Hoseok are already grabbing his arms and steadying him like vines entangling a tree. Jihoon silently laughs like this is the most amusing game in the world.

“He’s not worth it. Don’t do something you’ll regret,” Tae says, glaring in Jihoon’s direction, who rolls his eyes in response.

“Time to cool off,” Hoseok whispers, working on backing him up. “Come on. She’s smart. Believe in her.”

Namjoon glares at the enemy he’s made today, wishing he got at least one punch in. “You best keep your mouth shut, or I’ll make sure it stays shut.”

“That’s fine. I’ll make sure Y/N’s stays wide open though, don’t worry.”

Namjoon seethes with rage as he pushes his friends forward, trying to return to the man pushing his buttons. “You really wanna throw hands, or you wanna keep making backhanded comments like a bitch? Let’s fucking go.”

“Joon, come on,” Tae and Hobi take turns trying to diffuse the anger in his eyes

Jihoon rolls his eyes again. “Listen to your boyfriends, bro.”

“Yeah, keep rolling your eyes. I see you looking for your fucking brain,” Namjoon quips with a snort. With a frustrated sigh he finally allows Tae and Hobi to goad him back to a distance where he’s not in danger of putting his fist in someone’s face.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You come back from the bathroom, panic attack only a hazy memory thanks to one of your best friends showing up to talk you through it. Of course Jennie followed you here to make sure you’d be okay. Honestly, you couldn’t be more grateful right now. She gave you the pep talk you needed.

When you finally spot Jihoon, he’s standing alone at the bar, casually leaning against it but looking pissed as fuck. Before you can ask if everything is okay, he’s pulling you into a deep kiss, forcing his wet, slimy tongue down your throat. He’s sure to make a show of it knowing that Namjoon is watching from somewhere nearby.

You wedge your hands between your bodies and break free of the kiss, feeling like that was super out of character for him with how you left things. You were hoping he’d be more thoughtful and considerate of your earlier reaction, but it only adds more proof onto the obvious statement that he is not Namjoon. You try to give him a pass because you know being horny definitely makes you stupid and needy.

“What’s gotten into you?” You giggle nervously, trying to ignore the anxiety nagging at the back of your mind. The butterflies have become a swarm of angry bees circling your belly.

He leans in to whisper against your ear, “I just want you so badly right now. I’m sorry. You wanna get out of here?”

You shift uncomfortably, unsure if you're ready for that, or if you even want that with him. A sense of obligation floods your brain, even though you know you don’t owe him a thing. How fucked up is it that you feel guilty for not putting out on the third date? You don’t actually know this guy that well, so how can you bring yourself to fuck him? Stop being a prude. It’s just sex.

Fighting the sinking feeling in your gut, you grab his hand and shyly smile at him, trying to reason with yourself that at least if you go back to your place, Hobi and Yoongi will check up on you. He takes the action as wordless approval, giving you another wet, sloppy kiss that makes the stone in your stomach feel even heavier.

He discards your fingers and moves to tugging on your wrists in a way that makes them ache. The ice pick of dread starts chipping away at the corners of your mind. He hasn’t given you a reason so far to think he’ll freak if you back out now, but the way he starts leading you towards the exit ties a knot in your throat. Soon you’re practically being dragged across the room. As heavy as the stone in your stomach is, it does nothing to slow him down.

“Jihoon. Hey, slow down! Wait a sec!”

It’s too late. Your shoulder hits the doorframe and you wince as hot pain radiates from the point of impact. Oh, that’s definitely going to bruise.

“Dude!” You wrench yourself away from his grip, nursing the growing welt on your shoulder.

He raises his eyebrows and turns back to face you, concern burdening his features. A light rain begins to blanket the two of you. “Oh, you should be more careful, Y/N. Are you okay?”

Despite the fact that he practically slammed you into the door on the way out of the building, you start to feel guilty for causing him to worry as he begins fussing over you. His fingers ghost over the hand you have clamped down over the ache.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to,” you mumble, attempting to shake off the anxiety in your gut. “But I need you to slow down. You don’t even know where I live.”

“So show me,” he prods, trailing his fingers to your chin. “I’m just so excited to be with you.”

You can hear Hobi’s voice in your head, backing the unsettling feeling traveling throughout your body. Stop making excuses. Ghost him!

You pull your head back, trying to gather the willpower to be brave and back out. “Okay… But-- I-I…” You allow a nervous chuckle to pass your lips. “Look, I-I don’t think tonight is gonna work. I’m sorry. I’m just feeling kind of sick.”

The smile on his face falls. Before he can respond, Jennie’s voice cuts through the sound of rain pattering nearby cars. “Hey!”

He looks over at the sound, furrowing his brow when he sees Namjoon walking out behind your friend.

Showing up to watch, Friend Zone?

Jihoon loudly sighs. “You know what, I’m feeling kind of sick too. Sick of you saying one thing and really wanting another.”

You blink, jaw dropping open. “Excuse me?”

“You’re a fucking tease. Always giving those bedroom eyes, telling me how much you want me, how bad you want to fuck me,” he declares, raising his volume as he watches Namjoon stop dead in his tracks.

Your face grows hot, despite the mist gathered on your cheeks. “H-Hold on. I-I never---”

“But you got this shy act going so I played along. For a bit. You want to play games again. Trying to tell me you want to wait, but I know you don’t. You were the one putting my hands all over your body earlier, practically begging me to fuck you out in the open the way you were pressing that ass into me.”

You can’t believe the words coming out of his mouth right now. Is this really happening right now? It’s a nightmare. You’ll wake up any second now. Everything he’s saying is a fucking lie. So why do you feel so ashamed, so guilty?

“You know what, Jihoon?” you pipe up, the distress in your voice apparent as the shrill words escape. “You’re being a real douche right now.”

“Yeah, well you’re being a real prude for someone who is maybe a six at best,” he snorts. “And god you’re fucking boring. You should be thanking me for even considering sleeping with you.”

The words shock your system and you stand for a few seconds just processing all of the hurtful things he just said. Suddenly the heat in your cheeks radiates throughout your chest. You feel like a fucking moron. Rage. Regret. Shame. Self-loathing. Everything hits you like a truck at once, culminating into a bubbling pressure in your throat. You want to scream, but nothing comes out except for the boiling tears streaking down your cheeks. Your hand flies up, landing across his face with a satisfying smack.

Realizing what you’ve done, your eyes go wide and then clamp shut in recoil as he raises his hand to retaliate. But the blow never lands. When you open your eyes Namjoon has his hand clamped around Jihoon’s wrist, glaring daggers at the man.

“You do not fucking touch her,” he growls. “You better get the fuck out of here before I beat your ass for even thinking about it.”

Your brain has already shut down by the time Jennie grabs your waist to pull you back into a bear hug from behind. Jihoon ticks his jaw and clenches his fists, tearing himself from Namjoon’s grip. When Tae, Hobi, and Jungkook appear by his side, it seems like he reconsiders the punch he was about to throw and backs away.

“You can have her. She’s not worth it.”

Your friends stand in front of you, an unmoving daisy chain of rage as the tears fall from your face along with the apologies on your lips. Namjoon is the last to turn around, but he’s the only person you can focus on as your body convulses with the emotional distress coursing through it. You’re soon enveloped in a group hug, pressed with a deadly tightness against Namjoon’s chest. It doesn’t make you feel any less broken, but it does make you feel grateful to have such a supportive and caring family. What would you have done if they weren’t here tonight? You shudder to think about it.

Namjoon’s fingers press against the back of your head as you spew snotted, muffled sorry’s into his shirt. He’s still holding you long after everyone else has let go, offering comforting words, making sure you know you have nothing to apologize for. In this moment, the world falls away, the pain falls away, and the only thing that matters is the overflowing love you can feel emanating from the man before you.

#moonchildnet #magicshopnet #namjoon fanfic #namjoon fic #bts fic #bts smut #namjoon smut #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #namjoon fluff #bts fanfic

[arethereanyoriginalusernames]

I’m sorry

I’m sorry to my followers, my mutuals, and most of all, to put I call friends. I’m so, so sorry

I know at least one person’s going to want to reblog this, saying that I’m not a shitty person. Well, this post is for you I guess. I hate just being here, trying to convince myself and others that I’m a good person, but really I’m not. I’ve ruined potential friendships and actual friendships over and over again. All because I want people to validate me, because I want people to pay attention to me, because I think that what I think needs to be shared with everyone.

I’ve wasted people’s energy, time, and I think I might have ruined at least one person’s offline life because I thought I could help them when I had no place to do so.

If for whatever reason you don’t think I’m awful after this, well I guess I can’t stop you. But I hope that this might finally get people to recognize that I’m not someone worth supporting. Enjoy my content if you want, but don’t pretend that I am, by myself, an enjoyable person.

1. My “contribution” to the Zoophobia fandom

You know, there’s nothing on my blog that I’m more ashamed of than my Zoophobia critiques? Back when I first started on tumblr, my pretentious ass thought that I was going to be super special and become “a zp critic who didn’t hate Vivziepop and enjoyed her content”.

Yes, I was that up my own ass.

At the time, the only zp critics I knew of were the ones on the bad wiki forums and the late Zoophobia Critiques account. Which, for the record, I still agree that a lot of the criticism gave there was super spiteful and overblown. I gave the excuse that we could learn how to improve our own writing by analyzing works we love when I was criticizing a 4 and a half chapter webcomic the creator wasn’t proud of.

You know, I’m at a loss for how nobody has called my critiques out for being misinformed, disorganized, poorly spelt, and like someone who just heard of writing criticism and was parroting stuff they heard on a YouTube video. My criticism of how Addison’s ptsd was handled was disgusting, and my criticism of Jack was vague and was clearly a reach.

And my non critical Zoophobia content wasn’t even that good. I made a bunch of nothing posts that only discussed a couple or one character ever, and they were so stupid.

Then there’s how I acted during the pre Hazbin Hotel Vivziepop drama. You know, where I acted like a deluded three year old? Voicing “my concerns”, and totally not babbling a bunch of nonsense and pushing it onto others. I remember how one former mutual of mine, Lisaury, rightfully “burst my bubble” (that’s how they put it) by pointing out my flawed information.

I honestly don’t blame Lisaury for never talking to me again. God, I barely spoke to her to begin with. Just sent her worthless post after worthless post.

My “criticisms” of Vivziepop were idiotic at best, and now? Zoophobia and criticism of it may have resurfaced thanks to Bad Luck Jack, but this only made me realize how nothing my posts were.

Other critics would just call me a wishy washy sheep, and fans would rightfully see me as an idiot if I posted now what I posted then. Ever since the short, I’ve been fearful of someone finally pointing out my bullshit, making it clear to everyone how awful my content was. And I feared it because I knew it was true. I just didn’t want other people to realize it.

Fuck, you’d at least expect someone to notice how much of a dickhead I was when critiquing people’s fanfics.

-

2. Art / characters

In 2020, someone invited me to join an art discord, and I created an account to do so. This discord had actual artists, many who had been to art school. So when my self taught, delusional self posted art into a criticism channel, they rightfully tore it to shreds. Called it out for the lacklustre, mediocre anime garbage it was. Gave me advice, and pointed out exactly what was wrong with it. One person made a very accurate description of it. “It looks like something someone drew on those shitty phone apps without a pencil”. And they were right.

And how did I react?

I had a meltdown, deleted a bunch of my art and posts, ran crying to a bunch of people, desperate for validation, because I, someone who made criticism posts, couldn’t handle actual criticism. And the same group rightfully called me out on it. I lost the log in info for my first account, so I don’t interact with that group anymore, but I should have listened. They rightfully pointed out how all my male characters looked like traps and how my art lacked any artistic skill. And what did I do? I screenshoted what they said and showed it to others, like “omg, pity me!”

I can’t look at my old art without wanting to vomit. I still can’t understand how anyone can enjoy what I make, despite people telling me that they do. Especially when they make better art than I ever could.

And despite how shit it looks, I just shove art and all posts I make in people’s face, because they “have to look at it and pay attention to it”

-

3. Such a great “friend”

I don’t have conversations with people anymore. The majority of my Tumblr conversations are filled with me sending post after post after post, weeks with just my fucking stupid posts, because they totally matter so much. I barely have any conversations with anyone anymore, and I don’t even return the favour of reblogging their content. Because after all, I need my friends with bigger follow counts to reblog my stuff. That’s the only way my posts get attention and I get validation, after all. Seriously, look at posts reblogged by eclecticcoyote, and compare the notes there to those he doesn’t.

If I didn’t constantly send people like him posts, expecting a reblog, I probably wouldn’t have followers. I know my content wouldn’t get any attention without his help, and I feel disgusting because it just feels like I’m taking advantage of someone’s audience.

Although it’s probably better I don’t talk to people whatsoever. One friend I have... well had, I don’t expect him to contact me ever again. I’ll refer to him as B for now. B was dealing with issues related to his mental health and offline life. I initially reached out to him after he made a post about having no friends

And then I didn’t message him for a while and was surprised when he told coyote that he felt like I didn’t care about him.

I started crying at him like “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry” (no I’m not kidding). I ended up talking with him through several emotional break downs, because I didn’t want him to kill himself. I had the nerve to talk like I knew what I was talking about during those times. I gave unhelpful advice, like “go for a run”, “punch a pillow”, etc. Hell, one time, I had the audacity to say that it felt impossible to talk to him because it didn’t seem like he wanted to listen to people trying to help him, and that he only heard what he wanted to hear.

And I shoved my personal issues onto him as well. Because, again, my life is so important.

Then, at some point he developed feelings for me. I don’t feel the same way about him. And at this point, he sees me as one of the people who have helped him out the most with his issues (ironic, considering how I likely just made his life worse). So, what did I do when he confessed to me?

Oh, you know, instead of being mature and responsible, I panicked, got another friend involved because “I don’t know how to deal with this 😭😭😭”, made B upset and depressed all over again, and I basically got someone else involved in what was a personal moment for him, betraying his trust and throwing privacy out the window.

I tried to apologize the next morning, but it was too late. I honestly hope he doesn’t try to contact me again, and realize that I have, and can only make his life worse.

I constantly keep freezing out friendships on here by not actually talking to people and just sending them post after post. Recently, one person who reached out to me and tried to be my friend? Looking at past conversations with her, I come off as disinterested in her and dismissive. I might not have intended to, but...

Oh, and then Coyote invited me to his discord server. I recently started deleting all my posts on there, so that nobody would have to waste time scrolling through my bullshit. I shit you not, I would go on essay long tangents about my characters and art, while, comparatively, the attention I gave to others’ content was close to none. And in the first couple months there? I still tried to help people when I clearly couldn’t.

For fucks sake, I even dragged people there into my own personal irl drama when they didn’t need it. The night I self harmed in front of my parents, I should have kept it to myself because I. Knew. That people there would become distressed by it. But nope, because my problems are so important.

I would say dumb shit that ended up upsetting people, I would post over people, and overall just act like a self entitled, annoying bitch.

Just yesterday? Someone I considered my friend shared an image of some characters of hers that were in a polyamourous relationship. And what did my dumbass do?

“You know, I find people in poly relationships admirable bc I have trouble hanging out with more than one person irl bc lol social anxiety and lalala, lemme make this all about meee~!”

And then someone replied saying that they don’t understand poly relationships but support them, then I’m pretty sure the who posted the picture got uncomfortable at that point.

And wouldn’t you know it, recently that person announced that they were taking a break, which hey fine, and they mentioned that some of the stuff said on the discord was upsetting them.

Gee, I wonder who contributed to that?

And then there’s my constant validation seeking, me being silly during situations where the person needs me to be serious, my overall inability to respond in a way someone should whenever people don’t enjoy things I suggest or share...

-

Look, maybe I’m overreacting and being stupid. Wouldn’t surprise me. I currently have no friends outside of discord and tumblr, and I’m constantly disappointing my family and everyone around me by always failing at everything no matter what.

I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t even know if this is just me attempting to get validation or what.

I just... can’t do anything. I can’t trust myself to do anything. If someone requests that I do something, then fine I guess, but

I don’t want to hurt anyone else