#don't know if acespec people use that word

[imhidingonceagain]

Can we talk about the amazing representation inside the QSMP?

These days I've seen a few people (haters for sure) saying that the QSMP has few to none diversity and that makes me mad so let me list the diversity of this two month old server:

Inside of lore

We have diversity in family dynamics:

-Homoparental families

-"Nuclear" families

- A Platonic partner family (I don't know what's the proper word to describe Jaiden, Roier and Bobby's situation pls tell me if you know/ EDIT: I've been informed the proper term would be "Queer platonic relationship").

- Single parents

We have LBTQ+ representation:

-Gay characters

Roier

-Bisexual characters

Vegetta, Rubius

-Aroace characters

Jaiden, Maximus (he's actually acespec)

-Lesbian characters

Baghera (EDIT: Idk about her anymore, sorry)

-Trans characters -including gender fluid and non binary

Juanaflippa, Tilín, Leonarda, Maximus, Trump

-Characters with disabilities

Richarlyson (the Brazilians noticed he has a shorter leg and that's why fanartists draw him with a prosthetic leg + we have collectively decided he's black).

-MLM characters -I'm making it a separate cathegory just because the characters haven't specified a label. But if you know their label lmk so I can edit it-

Quackity

Mariana

Slimecicle

Foolish

Forever

Cellbit

EDIT: (I JUST REMEMBERED!)

We also have neurodivergent representation:

Wilbur and Dapper (Both autistic)

Outside of lore (Real life)

From the moment Quackity included Latin Americans that already made the server diverse since us Latinos are one of the most diverse demographic groups in the world.

But still, let me elaborate:

Diversity of nationalities/ ethnic backgrounds

Mexican, English, Argentinian, American, Spanish, Norwegian (Rubius is half Spanish half Norwegian), Cuban (Maximus is half Spanish half Cuban), German and Japanese (Jaiden), Brazilian, Swiss and French (Baghera), Algeria and Turkish (Ètoiles) (for now).

We have people of color (some of them are clearly mestizos, meaning they have both native and white genes)

Quackity, Jaiden, Missa, Mariana, Roier, Forever, Maximus, Felps, Pac, Mike, Ètoiles, Spreen (please lmk if I'm missing someone I don't want to erase anyone especially because I'm talking about the actual CC)

We have diversity of languages:

Spanish, French, Portuguese and English (for now).

Now... The point that I've seen people the most confused about:

We also have LGBTQ+ REPRESENTATION IN REAL LIFE:

Jaiden (Aroace)

Rubius (Bisexual)

Vegetta (Bisexual)

Mike (Bisexual)

Tilín and Leonarda's admins (Non binary and gender fluid respectively)

Plus, the content creators that for now are classified as "Unlabeled" (Roier and Mariana)

There might be more that aren't out yet. Please stop assuming everyone's straight.

So yeah... The QSMP DOES have diversity.

(My only criticism is that we definitely need more female Content creators but hopefully we'll have them in the future. I'm looking at you Quackity, don't disappoint me. If I'm missing something let me know so I can edit it).

#qsmp #elmariana #slimecicle #foolish #Vegetta #rubius #Cellbit #fitmc #philza minecraft #jaiden animations #roier qsmp #Quackity #forever qsmp #wilbur soot #luzuvlogs #maximusqsmp #vegetta777

[threadednovelist]

Warnings: Mentions of sex and rape, if that makes you uncomfortable, scroll, it doesn't go into detail, literally just the word sex is mentioned a lot, as well as one mention of sex toys as well as masturbation, mostly a rant tbh about what I saw in some ace tags.

Aces can like and have sex, aces can dislike and not have sex.

Ahem, making this clear cause apparently some people on here don't get it.

"Why would you have sex if you don't feel sexual attraction?"

When we're talking about attraction, we're talking about the person/being/whatever it is, when we're talking about sex, we're talking about the action.

Do you think aces can't masturbate just because they're not attracted to people? What makes a sex toy different from a person doing it to you if you're focusing on the action and not the person?

I myself am a sex-repulsed strictly ace, I would never have sex, but it doesn't take more than 2 braincells to know that: liking an action ≠ liking the person in so and so way.

I like cake, but does that automatically mean I like the person who baked it? Hell, I won't even be thinking about them cause I'm focused on the damn cake.

"Why would you have sex if you're not attracted to them?"

I can like silk and not want silk worms, I can find silk to be absolutely beautiful, but silk worms can absolutely disgust me, it's that easy.

Now above we have been talking about strictly aces who enjoy sex, let's not forget acespec people exist too.

Y'all are forgetting demis/grays/other acespec people exist, they can very well enjoy the sex and the person, and that does not make them any less asexual.

When people say some aces can enjoy sex, that does not immediately invalidate aces who don't, unless they're out here specifically saying that ALL aces enjoy sex, you're not being erased or targeted (by these specific people), stop fighting the air.

I can understand it may lead to people saying, "oh but I've heard aces can enjoy sex too!"

Just reply with, "some of us do, and I'm not like them." ignore the person if they persist, and carry on with your day.

"You're supporting rape culture!"

I'm actually sick and tired of people infantilising aces, we (adult aces, reminder: minors cannot consent regardless of sexuality) can consent, we're not disabled from consenting just because we don't feel sexual attraction.

Stop promoting this weird culture of infantilising asexual people, treating us as though we don't know what we're doing, it's weird as fuck. I'm not saying aces cannot be coerced into sex (aka noncon aka rape), but that applies to everyone, not just aces, anyone and everyone can be coerced, but it's weird af to say ALL aces are being coerced into having sex.

That's all for me for now, for my beloved aces, do not venture into the #actually(insert aspec term here) it's just not worth it, these tags has always been used to harm aspecs, so be careful y'all.

(Edit: let's not forget the fact majority of aces don't like/have sex, it's bogus to say aces who don't have sex are a minority.)

#threadednovelist #asexual #ace #acespec #aroace #rant post #never going into the actually asexual tags again #tw rap3 #tw sex mention #dividers by plum98

[shortpplfedup]

Tomorrow's a big day for me so I of course woke up in the middle of the night in a spiral and can't get back to sleep, so I'm gonna try to get out some thoughts I've been having about chemistry and sexuality on screen, especially in the stuff I've been watching lately.

When I'm referring to sexuality here, I'm most often not referring to sexual identity, but to how characters experience sexual desire and respond sexually to each other, which is directly related to ideas of onscreen 'chemistry' as it's seen and judged by audiences. I see chemistry often conflated with heat levels by audiences as well, and I definitely think those are two separate things. This is a thing that's been coming up for me over and over again in the BL space as I find myself...let's say often not into the pairs that others are into, and more into pairs that others don't see as having chemistry. I'll also I guess come out here and say I've been on my own journey of discovery recently, realising I'm acespec, very likely demi, and alongside that (because as I've mentioned often both here and on @the-conversation-pod that I process my feelings through media) thinking about how I bring that lens I didn't even know I was looking through to my analysis of The Stories™️.

@absolutebl has written a lot about their 3 dimensions of good chemistry as physical, emotional and intellectual, and I've found that to be a useful frame. I tend to use 'vibes' a lot to describe what I feel in character interactions, because a vibe between people is such a specific and personal thing for me, and sometimes resists more objective and perhaps useful explanation. 'Vibes' also mirrors my own experience of sex, romance and attraction. To use ABL's frame: physical, emotional and intellectual dimensions of attraction/chemistry are just inseparable for me. And perhaps most importantly for the way I view sexuality on screen: physical attraction is driven for me by intellectual and/or emotional attraction, but never the other way around. In other words, I can see how being intrigued by a person or emotionally invested can make you horny for them, but horniness on its own, while fun to watch, is not really something I get.

Right, with all that preamble out of the way, here are some recent characters and pairs I've found myself really feeling the vibes on that I thought were maybe misunderstood.

Kawi, Be My Favourite

Even when Krist does the work to beat the 'bad actor' allegations it seems he can't catch a break...lol. Kawi is the character who finally compelled me to write this, because I think Krist was doing some great subtle work on emotional attraction and sexual discovery via emotion that got lost in a Disk Horse stampede based on a throwaway line from a secondary character. Kawi had to have feelings for Pisaeng, and then think about what that meant, in order to reach a place of sexual desire. And then that desire didn't look like desire is expected to look, and so its genuineness was questioned. Audiences don't generally see fondness and deep affection as 'sexy', or accept sexual desire as something one has to think about. But I truly appreciated seeing Kawi take this particular journey towards having sex with Pisaeng and having a clearly joyous experience once he got there. The chemistry these two have isn't 'hot' but it is very grounded and emotionally resonant and I found it very affecting to watch.

Cher, A Boss and A Babe

I mentioned on the pod when we talked about ABAAB last season that I very much enjoyed Cher's journey of sexual discovery from 'do I like this?' the first time he and Gun kiss progressing through 'I think I like this' and 'I definitely like this' and eventually to 'gimme dat body' when they have what I called 'married sex' near the end of the show. @bengiyo mentioned on this same episode liking that Cher has to try out physical intimacy with Gun multiple times to determine how he feels about it, and I agree. That's a very undiscussed paradigm, that sex is often not immediately enjoyable/desirable, and wanting to try again because you're still not really sure isn't a bad thing. Their big final sex scene is another scene that isn't 'hot', but there is a very specific and deliberate heat in Cher's eyes when he undresses Gun and looks at his body that sells the physical dimension of their chemistry.

Ray/Sand, Only Friends

I enjoy how grungy and unromantic the sex is on Only Friends because that's how a lot of casual sex actually is. These people are mostly getting their rocks off, not really falling in love or even connecting emotionally or intellectually...except for Sand and Ray. Sand is the kind of man who probably feeds stray cats, so he finds Ray intriguing despite knowing he's a disaster area. Ray is desperate to feel something other than the void inside himself, and he likes the way Sand spars with him. Neither of them is really horny for each other in the traditional sense, and the sex is almost rote in its progression but was definitely fire for the two of them regardless because of the intellectual stimulation driving it. Alas their minds can't fuck, so their bodies will have to suffice.

Basically, people wanting to inhale each other is definitely fun to watch, I'll grant that, but I like getting to explore different kinds of functional sexuality and chemistry on screen, and don't buy a lot of the 'no chemistry' reads.

#bl meta series #meta #on art #sex on screen

[ghouljams]

Hi sorry I really didn’t want to cause an argument about a/b/o designations I just get excited to talk about it especially because I feel like so often it’s seen as a means to an end of just writing really intense smut but it does have really interesting implications with regards to gender and sexuality and the way people approach them both. But I also struggle with wording stuff, and of course all sex is opt in I think what I was really trying to say is more that because I read Betas as not having as strong a hormonal reaction they don’t run the risk of losing control during a heat or rut (which ofc is still not in line with your take on a/b/o) again I don’t really have the words to describe it because I don’t experience a sex drive in the same way as allos. Again I’m really sorry if I upset you, I do really like your take on omegaverse and I’m not trying to like change your mind or au or anything, I just got overexcited

- Acespec anon

I have a bit of a short fuse despite having a high tolerance for bullshit, it's not your fault. I don't want to come off as angry or upset with anyone in my asks without cause(ai or theft causes mostly). I also had just gotten out if therapy so I was still running a little high emotion, which is not an excuse and I'm sorry for getting frustrated.

Anyway continuing on my basic agreement with your read on traditional betas. While I do really love the kink aspects of a/b/o, the super high "losing control during heat/rut" thing is something I find just like... not feasible for a functioning society? Like I read a fic once where an omega went into hest in a grocery store and every alpha in the area was trying to get at them. What??? Like huh??? You're telling me every alpha in the world is a border line rapist? That is simply not how society functions, please take a seat.

From my perspective (which is that of an allo person) and through my lense of gender politics I've always thought that betas were thrown in as just "anyone I don't want to think about having sex" which good or bad generally does end up with that character being fairly ace. However I also see it as super lazy writing. Betas have the most versatility, they're the most interesting! I know a/b/o is just an excuse to skip straight to the sex but there's so much world to explore within the au! You've added 3 new genders!!! That's so cool, tell me about all of them!

Betas in traditional omegaverse are such a wasted opportunity to do something interesting. Which again just speaks to the inherent biases of the author, if your not an alpha or an omega(man or woman) you're not worth expanding upon. Ugh I could write a dissertation on traditional omegaverse.

I think secretly even us allos hope to be betas in traditional omegaverse, the alternatives sound like he'll on earth. That's why I'm fixing the whole au 🛠

#ghoul speaks #omegaverse #a/b/o

[aspecpolls]

Poll idea but idk how to phrase the question better: "How many aspec umbrellas (spectrums?) do you identify with?" (as in if you were acespec and agender, it'd be 2, if you were ace, arospec, and aplo, it'd be 3).

5+ 4 3 2 1 0 Unsure

(Personally I know of 4 umbrellas that are people seem to use/identify with most often, those being asexual, aromantic, aplatonic, and agender, but obviously there are a lot of other tertiary attractions that people may or may not experience, but they might not see them the same way. For example I'm aroace and I don't experience sensual attraction, but I don't really view that as part of my identity if that makes sense. Anywho you should probably just make the poll and not answer this ask, cuz I know I'm very bad at wording things lol)

#aspec #anonymous #polls

[fruitdaze]

fic writer meme!

thank you claire @microcomets and lore @megafaunatic for the tag!!!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

34 posted publicly, and a few more that are now on anon because i have disowned them

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

427,315

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly danmei (currently a lot of liu yao, cancipin, and yuwu), but i'm excited to start branching out to other books if they catch my attention :')

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

in defense of lightning

between two lungs

blooming days

the rivers start to sing

shake the heavy

all are wangxian because i was regrettably a one trick pony for several years LOL

5. Do you respond to comments?

i fell out of answering comments in like 2022 and i've just never gotten back to it! i'm usually not sure what to say except thank you and i also get very self conscious. but i always read every single comment i receive, usually 5+ times because they're such a big confidence boost

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i honestly don't think i've written anything super angsty! i don't like reading a lot of angst and so i cannot write it. but i guess losing all my senses every night has a vaguely angsty ending since it's a missing scene

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most have happy endings!!! but i admit that the ending of i kneel into a dream still makes me do kicky feet a little bit

8. Do you get hate on fics?

a few times, but overwhelmingly the comments are so kind :')

9. Do you write smut?

yes! although it took me a while to get comfortable with it and also start to feel semi good at it

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

nope, and i'm not a big fan of them personally so i probably will never do so!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i am aware of.......... knock on wood etc

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

back to my door has a russian tl!! that is the only one that i know about but i would be thrilled if that list expanded

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

lots of casual discord brainstorming but never a formal fic!

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

i honestly don't know if i have an all-time favorite! what i crave in a pairing can change from month to month or even day to day. all of the ships i've written for have a special place in my heart and have provided me with comfort at some point. but for the past year i've been very into mingqian and lulin, and for the past month-ish i've been REALLY fixated on lulin (lulin save me... lulin.... save me lulin)

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i started a follow-up/sequel to the soft animal but the inspiration has totally left me and i'm not sure if that wip will ever get resurrected </3

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think i'm really good at imagery and purple prose. which is not everyone's thing but EYE love purple prose, so,

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action scenes!!!! and frankly smut scenes, which always take me 5x longer to write than dialogue or more plotty scenes. i've said it before but wangxian was my first time writing smut, and as an ace person it's still not something that comes easily to me.

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

most of my experience with this is in danmei, but i have always loved seeing chinese or diaspora fans integrate that into their fics! one day i'm going to write my locked tomb/sixth house fic and put latin in there because you know those people are unironically using latin in daily speech. this is my calling

19. First fandom you wrote for?

honestly i think it was inuyasha. never saw the light of day of course

20. Favorite fic you have written?

i've been REALLY pleased with my writing over the past few months, but i'm quite fond of portrait of gravity... mingqian banter is always so fun to write and it was surprisingly personally cathartic to write from the pov of acespec cheng qian. also i can reread it without wanting to singe my eyeballs, which is the norm for me upon rereading my own work

i tag @yuebings @dcyiyou @tantai-jin @perilously @arithmonym @hamburgergod and anyone else who wants to do this!!

#rtxt #ficposting

[themistressdomme]

Hi! I'm messaging because I was reading your blog and i saw you mention you were ace! I'm curious as to what your experience is on the ace spectrum in terms of intimacy and how you discovered your identity (if you don't mind my asking, completely understandable if you dont wish to answer)

I ask as I myself am Acespec and I ADORE reading smut but don't particularly care for actual intimacy and I'm curious for another perspective , especially from someone who's writing is so captivating :)

Thank you!

(A silly gal who likes your blog)

Hello my love!

First off, thank you so much for your compliment for my words! 🥰 I'm flattered and I appreciate that so much! 🤗

I'd absolutely love to answer this question! I love meeting fellow acespecs and learning their experiences, because it's not very talked-about and it can feel devastating and so lonely when you're first trying to figure things out!

For anyone wondering what "acespec" is, it's shortened for the asexual spectrum! Someone who is asexual may not experience sexual attraction/desire, but that's very broad and we're all different! :))

For me, I discovered my identity when I realized that I didn't like receiving in any sort of way. Really, the first clues, looking back, were that I never did find myself that curious about sex at that teenage age where all my friends were. I also didn't find myself fantasizing about anyone, when again, all my peers were. I just thought I'd "grow out of it", and that I'd be "normal" when I was older.

News flash, that's not the way it went.

I realized that receiving during sex for me on my actual body (i.e., the strap is not a part of my anatomical body and so I love using it/receiving on it) made me feel... "gross"? That might not be the right word, but it's the best word I can find for now. It doesn't make me feel good.

For a long time, I thought it was because I wasn't ever really comfortable (in terms of being vulnerable) with the people that I was hooking up with. Now imagine my surprise when I found out that it's not just me - there's a term for it! "Ace"! Or rather, "acespec"!!! It was a eureka moment for me, and everything started to make sense. I finally didn't have to be so uncomfortable and just receive (to be "normal"), because it is normal to be on the acespec for some people! Before realizing this, I was very bad with boundaries and just let myself dissociate while receiving because I thought that was the proper way to do things, as to not upset my partners, whether it be relationships or randoms. But once I found that there's a word for that, it made me almost cry from knowing that I'm not alone in feeling that way.

In terms of intimacy in the sense of giving, I love giving. I love it so damn much. I love being a Domme. I learnt that there is a word for this too! "Stone top"!!! Again with the happiness when I realized that this was a feeling that had a label!!!! Whilst I know that labels aren't everything, and that some people don't like them, it really helped me in that moment, knowing that there was a label for someone like me.

For me, being acespec also includes not having a very high libido on a day-to-day basis, so I don't ever really initiate sex, if that makes sense? But once it's initiated by a partner, I can be absolutely down to pleasure them. This can also be difficult because multiple partners in the past have thought that I don't initiate because I "don't find them attractive anymore" and stuff like that, but that is absolutely not the case.

We're all goofy lil things, and we're all different!

Thank you for telling me your experience as an acespec! It was very interesting to see that you love reading smut but don't really care for physical intimacy!!! :))

Thank you, darling!

So much love for you, fellow acespec, silly gal 🥰🥰

P.S. If my explanation is a little all over the place, please do forgive me! I've never really said all this out loud before! :))

#bd/sm blog #sapphic nsft #wlw ns/fw #wlw bd/sm #wlw nsft #lesbian #bd/sm community #bd/sm domme #lesbian nsft #acespec #asexual spectrum #answered #stone top

[layzeal]

What are some of the things that are ace codesd abt wwx? I don’t hear much abt and and am curious!

HIII, okay so as always, "coded" isn't really the right word since it implies authorial intent, but i often use it anyway bc who cares it's my blog. just know i don't think wwx is actually canonically supposed to be demi, it's just a headcanon from silly ol' me!

i do have a #demi-wwx tag you can check if u'd like too hehe

now, what makes wwx come off as SO incredibly acespec/demisexual for me is his approach to... well, relationships in his first life. he's a flirt! he likes teasing people! he likes watching them blush! he likes getting a reaction! but as lwj questions him in the xuanwu cave about, it all seems like very much a game to him, something he does without actual intention, unaware of the torment he might be putting others (lwj) through

i often see people say that wwx didn't date or that wangxian didnt get together in his first life because "they had other things going on" and "there was no time", but that's not only innacurate to post-sunshot, it genuinely comes off to me as if wwx simply has no romantic or sexual interest in anyone at all. granted, he has an eye for pretty things and people, and is VERY vocal about whenever he finds others beautiful. lwj is a common target, but far from the only one!

basically, for as loud as flirty as he can be, we know that's never really genuine. there's no second-intentions or desire in his words (hell, he had even been saving first first kiss for twenty years!!), even when it comes to lwj. and the way we know it is by comparing it all to how he acts, thinks and feels after he's ACTUALLY experiencing attraction for the first time!

but what does have to do with him being demi? and what makes, in my mind, wwx so much more demi coded than lwj for example, whose entire romantic arc is only falling in love with one person?

well, that would be that despite the way it's been romanticized, demisexuality has nothing to do with "only falling in love once". devotion isn't acespec exclusive, choosing to love a single person in your life isn't acespec exclusive. demisexuality is simply a term to describe the specific conditions a relationship might need for an asexual person to experience attraction. those conditions? a strong emotional bond (which is why so many demi ppl are described as "only being able to fall in love with your best friend")

and to me, that's what sells wwx as demisexual the most. he's had so many friends, classmates, xiongdi, and all sorts of companions in his life, but none of them were particularly... emotionally fulfilling. other than perhaps shijie, who he saw more like a mother and sister, there was no one else who he could truly lean on and trust, open up, and be vulnerable with. for many people, that's not a barrier that gets in the way of developing romantic or sexual interest in someone at all, and that's great!! (we see it with lwj himself, who spent so many of his teenage years frustrated for liking wwx and had to slowly realize why that wasn't shameful or a bad thing. lwj's attraction not only came before there was any significant bond between them, it directly blocked it from forming earlier due to lwj's constant avoidance of wwx!)

but for demi people, and for wei wuxian, it is a barrier. it's almost comical just how fast and deeply wwx fell in love with lwj once he opened up to him. it is the most visible in wwx's second life, but i do find there are inklings here and there to it in his first, especially after wwx and lwj get to spend some pleasant time together (ie. post-phoenix mountain and post-yiling date with a-yuan)

but it really does become the most obvious after the yi city arc (drunkji 2 my belovedddd). by that point, their friendship and closeness was already solid, and wwx is already crushing HARD, but isn't quite aware of it yet. it isn't until post-jinlitai stab (and his flashback to his and lwj's youth, how they fell apart and how lwj was only ever worried for him) that he starts pondering if these feelings might be... more than just fondness. and boy do i eat it UUUUUP

it wasn't until wei wuxian got that reassurance of trust and closeness that his feelings truly started to develop. i genuinely cannot imagine a wei wuxian who falls in love with someone who he genuinely believes hates him, and it's actually something i believe stopped wwx from developing deep feelings for lwj in his first life. we know how much all his rejections and their disagreements hurt wwx, and in the back of his mind, he always thought lwj disapproved of him, maybe even disliked him. there was no trust, and it smothered any small, warm little inkling of romantic love from sparking into a flame

so when wwx finds himself with a lwj who is indulgent, who wants to be close, who protects him, comforts him, listens to him, and won't ever let him fall... well, you can't blame him for daydreaming about a calm farm life by his side, or being embarrassed for acting so shameless while still pretending to be mxy, or wishing from the bottom of his heart that even if lwj doesn't love him back, he'll still stay next to him

he only ever wanted lwj to be his friend, and now he's the closest and most intimate one he's ever had. and he treats him so well... all the barriers have fallen, how could wei wuxian not fall too?

(and i didnt rly get into it but this all applies to physical attraction as well! wwx behaves and sees lwj's beauty through two different lenses in his first and second life, and wwx himself noticed the difference from when he could see lwj's nakedness back then without batting an eye VS now. it's hilarious, endearing, and EXTREMELY relatable!!)

#this is just me babbling nonsensically for way too many paragraphs #BUT NOW U KNOW WHY MY BLOG TITLE IS ''wangxian friendship enthusiast'' #modao #lace speaks #demi wwx

[uncanny-tranny]

Different anon, but I just wanna say that the "failed gender" thing can absolutely affect cis people, too. As a cis man, I would constantly agonize over "not being a real man", and not being strong, stoic, or independent enough. I felt like a "failed man". Now, I do know that my experiences with gender intersect with my experiences as someone who's autistic and acespec, but I don't think it's necessarily exclusive to having a marginalized identity.

I'm not trying to talk over anyone, just putting in my two cents. I believe that struggling with the expectations of gender is something that most, if not all people deal with, and that if things get better for trans people, then things will get better for all of us, even cis people.

You aren't overstepping any boundaries - while this blog is focused on transness often, I absolutely will never, ever discourage cis people from relating or having their perspectives on these topics. In fact, it's integral that we all explore and investigate our experiences and see what motivates society to treat certain people in certain ways.

The only reason why I focus on trans people in this instance is because I am trans - if you (cis people) would like to join these conversations, please do! I can't speak to any cis experience, but you can, and I want you to feel like your words are yours, that you aren't being assumed or spoken for. These topics tend to be influenced by marginalization, but not necessarily, and I think you're right on that. Often, the people who are marginalized may have more... visible scars, so to speak.

#ask #anon #gender discussion #some interesting banter happening (genuine)

[lacrimosathedark]

As an acespec person who is likely some kind of arospec too, Alastor ships give me mixed feelings.

Like, I'm extremely uncomfortable with people really sexualizing Alastor, especially in art. It feels...gross. At the same time, I see people staunchly against people shipping Alastor in any way that's not platonic, which...makes me frustrated.

Look, he is canonically ace, but 1. asexuality has levels, 2. Alastor has no idea what ace means, and 3. words are stupid.

I had no idea I was nonbinary or ace as a kid. I knew how I felt, but I thought it was within the range of "normal". I thought I was "just a person" and "a romantic". I thought I was "picky", and that's why everyone was having crushes while I was chill by myself or with friends. I thought maybe I was scared at the idea of being that vulnerable with someone as someone with anxiety, trust issues, and who grew up falling asleep to Law and Order SVU. And I'm a Zillenial.

Alastor is from a whole other century, in a much more repressive society. If I today needed the internet to figure out that my experience is abnormal and there's a word for it, back when the internet wasn't a thing and queer circles were trying to hide from sight, how the fuck is he gonna know? Especially when he loathes seemingly anything that's past his time, which the concept isn't but the term is as is the way he might find out about it. Fuck, we know he doesn't know what ace means.

He also has no reason to seek out an answer. I wasn't looking when I found my answers. I stumbled upon people who shared experiences who had words that clicked with me. Hell, it'd be easier to think it's normal with how much "waiting until marriage" has been historically pushed. He doesn't know there's even something to look for.

In all likelihood, he thought the "right person" might come along someday, but he also had other priorities and didn't care if he found them or not. Why would I go searching for a love I may never find when I can spend my time focusing on my career, dancing with friends, and plotting various murders? That sounds like a lot more fun and a more effective use of time, wouldn't you agree?

And look, in general "finding the right person" isn't a "cure" for asexuality anyway. Except it can look like that on the surface if someone is anything other than 100% sex-repulsed asexual. And (allos writing aces don't seem to know this) sex-repulsion can also be very spectrum-y too, and actively fluctuate.

I'm demisexual, and would actually consider myself sex-repulsed. I have never liked viewing sexual images or videos, it makes me borderline nauseous. I absolutely will not read pure smut. The concept of engaging in sexual activity myself makes me cringe. To me, sex generally brings to mind too much physical contact and gross bodily fluids. I'm disgusted by even getting other peoples' sweat on me. I'm okay listening to friends talk about their interactions only to a limited extent--I need to be able to have distance and not be given extreme detail.

But if I think about someone I actually like, or if I'm reading a story that has had a buildup in the relationship, it's...nice. It's a very different experience. It seems less like too much touch and gross bodily fluids and more like intimacy. It's...I'd almost call it pleasant? It's hard to describe, but it's a complete shift in mindset depending on circumstances. Most of my inherent reflexive disgust just goes away.

There's a chance Alastor could be like that. He is, quite clearly, some kind of sex-repulsed (thank you Angel Dust) but that doesn't completely block him out of sexual interest. But Angel is...excessive about that side of his personality. And that could be part of why the repulsion seems so strong with him. There are levels of tolerance. I can watch Hazbin Hotel and Angel Dust, but I can't comfortably watch Helluva Boss because the first episode Stolas is...very explicit. It's just too uncomfortable for me to sit through. (this also isn't a judgement of whether it's a good show or not, it's just not for me)

And even if Alastor doesn't experience attraction, he could still have sexual engagement with someone for other reasons. I don't think we have solid confirmation that he's aro, but even then that is again a spectrum and Alastor has no inkling on the concept.

He could involve himself in sex because he has romantic feelings for someone and that outweighs his disgust. Or perhaps even intense platonic feelings, disconnecting the act of sex from romance entirely. QPPs can do anything they want and honestly I feel like those labels are super blurry anyways, because what denotes an action as romantic or sexual or platonic besides intent and perception? Like, friends can cuddle, happy lovers can sleep in separate beds, people joke about kissing the homies good night. Words are messy and nothing matters.

He could also use it as a manipulation tactic. Because if there's one thing we know about Alastor, it's that he's a manipulative little shit. And while the reward would need to be extremely high, I could see Alastor using someone's attraction to him against them in that way. Why would he not use every tool at his disposal?

And from personal experience, a lot of writing in the fandom is through the lens of Alastor being non-sex-repulsed asexual, or otherwise demi- or greysexual. And while I could definitely use more fluidity in the sex-repulsion category (cuz unfortunately a lot of people write it as either completely repulsed or not repulsed whatsoever), at least a good number of people are trying to be respectful. Just because they ship Alastor with someone doesn't mean they are being disrespectful or casting aside his orientation by default.

And while Alastor being enthusiastic about it is extremely ooc and I hate that with my very soul, people are allowed to play with fictional characters how they want to. They aren't real. Neither are the Barbies whose faces you smashed together as a kid. They aren't actively hurting real people, and don't necessarily think differently of real ace people.

I'm aware that I may be projecting my sexuality onto Alastor given that he has shown sex-repulsion that I relate to. Maybe I think the idea of him being romantically involved with someone is cute. Maybe I don't mind the idea of him doing sexual things for love or other personal gain like power or control. But who the fuck am I hurting by doing that? Who is anyone hurting by doing that?

And dude, you're watching a show about redeeming sinners, showing that some of the worst people can change and puritanical people are irrationally judgemental asshats. Someone portraying an ace character as not 100% sex-repulsed is a weird line to draw there.

If you're a 100% sex repulsed asexual who's uncomfortable with people shipping Alastor, that's perfectly fine. But not every asexual completely shares your experience, and life itself is uncomfortable. And for better or worse that isn't going to change. I suggest you simply avoid engaging as much as you can for your own peace of mind if nothing else. Blocking tags and accounts is actually great for that. Someone doesn't have to be a dick for you to block them, and you won't have to see their content anymore. Tumblr Savior is a helpful tool too.

This is my very longwinded way of saying just because Alastor is aroace doesn't mean he can't be in a romantic-coded relationship, a qpp that isn't specifically stated to be such, or engage in sexual acts. And writing him ooc is icky but also completely fine and people can do what they want.

#Hazbin Hotel #Alastor the Radio Demon #asexuality #so many words #why can I not write anything but fucking essays

[boywithbear]

Already back with another coining since I need a neurosexuality to best describe myself and I'm coining it's romantic counterpart with it; cloudsexual and cloudromantic, based on cloudgender.

Cloudsexual is an acespec identity where you don't know if you truly experience sexual attraction or not due to depersonalization/derealization.

Cloudromantic is an arospec identity where you don't know if you truly experience romantic attraction or not due to depersonalization/derealization.

Cloudsexual flag is based on asexual color (purple) and color I've seen associated with sexual attraction (red), since you don't know where you stand between the two.

Cloudromantic is the same concept but with aromantic color (green) and the color I've seen associated with romantic attraction (pink).

With cloudsexual having purple on bottom like the asexual flag, and cloudromantic with green on top like the aromantic flag.

These are not meant to be used as a label to stop people from working through recovery, but rather to help describe a current experience when no other words/terms really fit.

[Flag Descriptions: Flag on the left is the cloudsexual flag, it has 5 horizontal stripes with the top two being shades of red, a darker red then a lighter red, and the bottom two being shades of purple, a darker purple at the bottom and a lighter purple above it. The color in between is a lighter color that is a blend between red and purple. There is a lavender purple fluffy cloud in the center of the flag with a purple outline around it.

The flag on the right is the cloudromantic flag. It also has 5 horizontal stripes, the top two shades are green, the top being a darker green and then a lighter green, and the bottom two being shades of blush pink, darker at the bottom then lighter above it. The middle stripe is lighter than the rest and a blend between pink and green, leaning more towards pale green. There is a light green fluffy cloud in the center of the flag with a grass green outline around it.

End of flag descriptions.]

#neurosexuality #flag coining #term coining #cloudsexual #cloudromantic #cloudgender #asexual #aromantic #acespec #arospec #aspec #depersonalization #derealization #dissociation #neurosexual #neurodivergent #grayace #grayro #grayasexual #gayromantic #grayaromantic #my flags

[sailorblossoms]

I was thinking about a discussion about Simon's sexuality that took place on discord and for me, I'm only really firm on demi/acespec Simon. Everything else I'm as uninterested as Simon is in truly defining it. In canon, I don't think he's ever experienced real sexual attraction outside of Baz. As a bi person, I don't bisexuality really fits him, and not just because he himself says so (relevant is that he has a fairly good understanding of what bisexuality is, better than what some give him credit for: having a gf and then a bf doesn't count if you weren't attracted to her. It's about attraction. He doesn't have to be explained anything when Baz brings it up, yet the word never crosses his mind) (I also wonder, given how prevalent the bi hc seemed to have been after the first book, if having Simon explicitly saying it doesn't fit is the author's way to address that it wasn't the intended direction for the character). I also can see the demi/gay readings some have, as he's not attracted to Agatha, and girls are cute (puppies can be cute, a gay man can describe girls a cute), while men are fit. As a boobie-liker, if someone notices cleavage only because they're absolutely surrounded by them, and literally never outside of that, and their reaction doesn't go beyond "cool! was I ever into women tho" before immediately moving on, I'm more inclined to believe they're not really interested, y'know.

As a concept, I'm not opposed to gender potentially not being relevant for Simon. I always go back to demi/acespec, because being able to tell eye-candy doesn't mean you're personally attracted. You can be ace and tell when someone is attractive--beauty isn't just subjective, it also has conventions and constructions, it's also trained. And when Simon notices men being fit, he's like, commenting on hair and the like, he's not distracted by something with more sexual connotations like ass/legs (Baz wearing jeans). He's not ever distracted, period, unless is Baz. His comments are very in passing. There's a difference between aesthetical attraction, sexual attraction, and romantic attraction. And Simon does experience a lot of aesthetical attraction, he notices pretty things (compared to Baz, who isn't really interested in looking at people because they're pretty, but rather to comment on fashion and style choices. Truly a fashion gay, he's just like me fr etc etc) but there isn't really attention to bodies and the like in a sexual manner. I joke about it, but perhaps the aesthetical attraction is the dragon in him. The temperature doesn't rise, he doesn't shortcircuit (also used to show Agatha is feeling attracted to Niahm when she cuts her hair), he mind doesn't fall into uncontrollable repetition, unable to think about anything else but what he's looking at, unless is Baz. Getting hot and bothered and wanting to jump on someone isn't necessarily a romantic reaction, it's more of a horny one, and Simon was already feeling it with Baz before he understood his feelings. (And while some of it might be romance conventions, there's also how lots of them aren't as interested in questioning romance and sexuality like this trilogy and other queer books, so) I agree that the thing with being demi is that we can't know for sure whether he's capable of being attracted to a woman, though we could argue that the lack of attraction to both Agatha and Penny might be proof that he can't (the bond required to experienced attraction for demisexuals doesn't have to be romantic, it can be a platonic bond too) but that's just mostly speculation. Ultimately, I'm as uninterested as Simon is in exploring that possibility: he already has his person, and he's uninterested in romance and sex with anyone who isn't Baz. He's content and settled with him, and that's where I like him to be.

Labels can be important for understanding and for visibility: this is a thing, it's real, it's valid. We're here. But when they don't fit, it can also feel confining. For a lot of people, being unlabeled feels much more comfortable. It's like there's more space to navigate, to just be. There's no pressure to figure out everything 100%. And I agree with the idea that it's better for Simon to be able to just be, without pressure of choosing one, because his life has already been confining enough with labels and roles. And he doesn't feel inclined to figure himself out for the sake of self discovery, he wouldn't have made himself process enough to voice his lack of attraction for Agatha for himself, he only did it because Baz asked. There's much about Simon that he only processes not because he has to know, but because he wants Baz to know. He wants to open up to him. He wants Baz to know him as much as Simon wants to know everything about Baz. And at the end of the day, all that's important to Simon is that he belongs to Baz (a Baz-sexual, in his own words). What's important for him is that he has found love, and it's someone that gets him "so turned on he can't think", and he's allowed to have this even if he doesn't have himself 100% figured out. What matters for him is how much he wants this relationship, and how this is something he can have.

#simon snow #i debated on whether to just respond on discord but... its too damn long haha #truly im not capable of keeping shit brief #just another barely coherent rant #snowbaz

[orange-orchard-system]

Have you ever heard of a plural singlet?

For those who haven't, it's someone who is a singlet that is plural. This may mean that they are fragments of one person, their plurality spikes at certain times or they exist as one person with multiple states of self.

As a plural singlet myself, would the identity be something that bridges the disconnect of experience of plurality and singularity without having to fight over how experiences are.. experienced?

I see and know about the overwhelming hatred and/or off-putting feelings about singlets mainly because of past misunderstandings and the fact that most singlets are not plural. Singlets are usually in a place of "No, you're not welcome" to "you're fine, just don't speak over me" and it's starting to feel odd being stuck in the middle or not experiencing one or the other enough for one side to claim me.

We've never heard of this sort of thing before. I'll be honest and say I'm not sure if you're looking for advice, just commentary, or something else, but it's interesting to hear about this sort of thing.

I think empty systems have spoken up about similar experiences of feeling estranged in the past, and median + midcontinuum systems may be able to relate to some other experiences you've mentioned. I don't know if there's a perfect solution to the problems you've brought up – identity is messy, selfhood even more so, and for as much as people generally like to neatly organize things, with all the complexities of the self, it's far from easy to separate the world into "us" and "them." Which is probably a good thing, to some degree at least, but I don't have many thoughts down that path.

I get what you're saying, though. It reminds me of how "straight" and "cishet" are used in queer spaces. You'd think that these words neatly describe those who aren't queer, but there are straight and cishet people who are queer in ways that might take people a few minutes to understand, if they do at all. For those situations, I've always thought that simple phrases like "non-queer" probably work better, and maybe in plural spaces, "non-plural" would work better than "singlet" when trying to describe those who aren't plural, but I don't really see people using the phrase "non-queer," and I doubt the plural community is gonna pick up the phrase "non-plural" any time soon. After all, if the general definition of singlet seems to mean the same thing as non-plural, why make the change? ... That's what most would probably think. Might take a good while for folk here to understand that people have their own reasons for using seemingly contradictory terms to describe themselves.

But, eh, maybe that's also partly because the queer community is more experienced with complex identities. I've always thought of the plural community as the queer community's younger sibling when it comes to things like this. I can talk about aroallo acespecs on an aroallo blog and get people nodding along or chiming in with their own experiences, but plural peeps ain't really so used to something like that in this ballpark. All the infighting, misinformation, and chasing people into the closet ain't help none, either.

Idk. I'm rambling because it's late and I like theoretical + meta discussions maybe too much for my own good. Hope you have a good day. Feel free to send another ask or just reblog this if you want to talk more about this. I ain't good at reaching out first because I forget people exist, but I'm here to talk as long as it doesn't cross into extreme vent territory.

#asks #front soup.txt #long post #don't mind my ''ain'ts” btw. I ain't show it too often but my dialect is all over the place

[acespec-ed]

I don’t really know if that’s a right blog to say this, but you helped me earlier and I feel forever thankful for this and you are very trustworthy person so I’ll try.

Am I in the wrong for actually not minding that some ship aro or ace characters? I know that it’s huge topic in the fandoms and a lot of people feel like it’s scraping identity from the character, but meanwhile I sit there and I’m like „As long as they portray it as a spectrum of aromanticism or asexuality, or will make it queerplatonic relationship I’m fine”.

Like, please- I really need a different opinion on this topic, because I feel like I’m in the wrong, because this behaviours really can hurt aro/ace person and in the same time that my opinion is valid, because I dunno, maybe I’m kinda projecting my own experiences on characters.

Sorry for bad english and repetetive phrases, I’m kinda overworked heh. Also, I bet you don’t remember my take, but I had internalized arophobia (idk if I used a right word. I mean that I was denying that I can be aromantic). If you don’t want to answer I’m fine with it. I’m still thankfull for running this blog and answering even for difficult questions. We need more people like you.

You're welcome! 💜

Shipping ace/aro characters is something I have mixed feelings on. For the most part, I think it's okay to ship ace/aro characters IF the person shipping them is respectful of their identities. After all, some aces and aros enter sexual/romantic relationships for a variety of reasons. I don't see anything wrong with exploring those options. Especially when it's an ace or aro person doing the writing. I've heard writing ace/aro characters in relationships have helped ace/aro people with their own feelings. But we also can't force authors to come out when they don't want to, so we can't demand only ace/aro people are allowed to write them. (Besides, allos writing about us will hopefully cause them to do research on us, thus helping them be more educated when they otherwise wouldn't be.)

So, I'm mostly okay with it, as long as the person is respectful of the identities. If you (anyone reading this) are concerned that you're not being respectful, then chances are, you are being respectful. The kind of people I'm referring to are those who use the "aces/aros can still x!1!" excuse to justify shipping two characters together because they think they're hot. And go on to write them as allo characters. And then double down when you try calling them out on it/pointing out flaws in the portrayal. But people who are capable of listening to aspecs when they point out mistakes in their rep and willing to learn are okay.

My only major concern is, when the majority of a fandom starts shipping a potentially ace/aro character with someone. It's worrisome that the creators are gonna scratch the possibility of them being ace/aro by shoving them in a relationship to make the fans happy. And then we lose that potential rep. Then, have to come up with our own excuses as to why we see that character as ace/aro. Then, WE'RE the ones who have to sit there and go "aces/aros can still x!" while aphobes brush us off as a joke. But in my experience, that potentially ace/aro character will get paired off with someone regardless. So even that doesn't bother me enough to shame fans for shipping them.

All that aside, it looks like you're shipping them while still being respectful of their identities. So you're good. 💜

(Any concerned writers out there reading this, I once made a post about how to respectfully write acespec characters here.)

#asks

[theoncomingdoo-dah]

common timepetals questions and my opinions but I use less than 5 words

tentoo/rose = no thanks

were they having sex= I literally don't care

shipping the Doctor with other companions or *you know who*= big yikes

ninerose or tenrose=

is the Doctor a top or bottom= they're just happy to be there

10 is a bottom, 9 is a switch, 11 is a brat, 12 is a top but for different reasons, I'm torn on 13, I'll come back to it, 8 is ABSOLUTELY a service top, I need to know about the other boys before I make a decision

what is the Doctor's sexuality= panromantic demisexual

And Rose's= she bi

but the people that write her as acespec are the REAL mvps

Is Rose neurodivergent= yes, ADHD.

yet again the people with the autistic Rose hedacanons, I see you and love you

is tentoo still the Doctor= *sigh*

I think the fuck not

bad wolf Rose, yay or nay= YAY SO MUCH YAY

#the doctor shitposts #dw #timepetals

[llatimeria]

hang on i'm gonna do some pedantic discourse whining for a second. please stand by

this post just came to my dash (via "based on your likes" which i really should just turn off) and it's making me a little bit insane

like. I fully agree with the intent of the post. Aro/Acespec people are not innocent widdle beeboos who simply Don't Get sex and/or romance. that assertion is not my issue here at all. just putting that out there.

what's bothering me is the "an aro/ace person wrote YOUR favorite sex/love stories" which is like. What. I understand that I'm fundamentally failing some kind of reading comprehension test by posting about this (which is why I'm preemptively turning off rbs and keeping this under the cut. I KNOW I'm a little bit in the wrong here).

It's just like. I do actually have a Favorite Smut Story that drives me nuts and it was written explicitly by a lesbian. a human lesbian who must frequently assert their lesbianness because of how dismissive the world is of lesbianness and it feels. Wrong to just be like "no :)" on some level. which is INSANE because I KNOW they aren't pointing to any specific person and saying "you there, lesbian! you're ace now!" in an erasive or derogatory way. it's just like...

idk. stories come from specific people, or specific teams of people, not a nebulous Creator Atmosphere disconnected from us regular folk. you can track down who wrote your favorite sex and love stories and see what they have to say for themselves. and it IS entirely possible for that person to be aspec! Because, like previously established, aspec people really aren't innocent children who know nothing of romance or pornography and they Definitely Can Write Good. it just still feels like "an aspec person definitely wrote your personal favorite piece" is a WILD thing to say. there were SO many other ways to make your point. not even inserting a "could've"? like an aroace person COULDVE made your favorite thing? why would you ever word it like this. i'm befuddled. fuckin befuddled. that's it