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erosofthepen · 3 years

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Letters From Amad pt.2

After about five months of not knowing how to continue it, i have finished part 2!! There will be a third part, not nearly as long, and i already have most of it written, so it should be out a lot sooner lol. BUT, i hope you enjoy it, and thanks for putting up with me lol.

-Part 1

-Words: 4,898

-Warnings: blizzard/storm, injury, hypothermia, some swearing

-Tags: @grunid, @elvish-sky, @sassyscribbler, @whore4fictionalhoes11, @smaugs-guardian, @bitter-sweet-farmgirl, @jotink78, @marvel-ous-hobbit, @anjhope1, (if i forgot you, im sorry, i have trouble keeping track sometimes)

It was moments like this that reflected Thorin’s terrible decision making. In actuality, his decision to not put anymore lives at risk was very wise. But still, it was Fili who was out there. And Kili. And since Thorin would not send a search party out, it was time to take matters into your own hands.

First things first, you went back to your chambers and put on your warmest, fluffiest, most wind-resistant coat. Rabbit fur covered the insides (the hides were hunted and tanned by Fili, a courting gift to you), and thick leather made up the outside, keeping the cold out and the warmth in. Next, you pulled on your winter boots (you had actually just had them made last week, and there were three little pockets perfect for concealing knives in), as well as a hat, gloves, and a scarf, all knitted by Ori, his way to show gratitude after your help in the libraries. You then proceeded to gather up some salted meat and cram, walk down to the entrance of the mountain, and enter the stables.

You choose a faithful companion to keep you company, namely, Daisy. The Mare had a thick wooly mane, and an extreme proclivity towards sweets. This was not to be your first venture with the pony, and now you knew better to bring him anywhere within five leagues of a bakery. You had not been amused when he had eaten an entire box of pastries meant for you and the scholars, though Kili and Fili had thought it to be the most hilarious of stories. However, despite his tendency to devour pastries, Daisy was reliable and resilient, and you hardly rode any other steed.

Several stableboys tried to dissuade you from leaving in the storm, but you brushed off their remarks as you tacked up Daisy. Thankfully, they didn’t try to block your path as you left, though they did warn you to be careful. You weren’t too concerned, for the storm had grown tamer in the day, and the frost was not biting your face. Yet, that is.

You reached Dale in about an hour. It took much longer than expected, with Daisy being nearly up to his belly in the fallen snow. Dale was practically devoid of men and women, most of them having the brains to stay inside during the storm. The only exceptions were some watchmen and one or two passersby.

“Oi, it’s a bit too cold for a morning ride lady, have you lost all sense?” A guard asked as you were leaving the gate on the other side of town.

“No my good fellow, I'm just looking for my friends. Have you seen two dwarrow come this way?”

“Can’t say that I have, but Maurice said he saw a pair last night, a few hours before the snow started.”

“Did Maurice mention where they were headed?”

“To the caravan, where else? It’s about fifteen miles from here, I would guess. You’re not considering going out there, are you?”

“I’m afraid that I must. Good day to you sir,”

“And a very cold day to you, lassie. Best of travels.”

“And to you as well.”

You quickly left and mentally cursed yourself for wishing him best of travels in return. He wasn’t traveling, you idiot!

The embarrassment faded as the wind began to pick up. The blizzard was steadily getting thicker, the puffy snowflakes turning more compact and icy. The city of Dale had long disappeared behind you in the snow, and you could only hope you were headed in the right direction.

However adventurous and bold it sounds, riding bare-back on a pony in the middle of a freezing cold snow storm was not at all an easy task. Your scarf had been moved to cover most of your face, and your hood was tied tightly ‘round your head, yet the flakes still stung your flesh. You were definitely starting to rethink your whole “making sure the brothers were alright in a storm idea.” Especially since it was pointless to look for them in between the caravan and Dale, as you couldn’t even see ten feet in front of you. Your goal now was to simply make it to the caravan without frostbite.

Around noon, you tried eating a bit of the bread you had packed, only to find it frozen. As well as the cheese. And the dried meat. It wouldn’t do good to gnaw on it either, as that would just make your innards cold as well, so you just went with your stomach protesting.

It was starting to get quite dark when you finally saw what seemed to be a glow in the distance. As you drew closer, it grew apparent that it was the caravan, and you sighed in great relief.

The dwarrow on watch were very suspicious. Of course, once you explained your purpose, they grew less so.

“I come from Erebor, in search of the Princes. Prince Fili and Kili left last night with the intention to travel here, have they arrived?”

The guards started to look a bit nervous.

“No my lady, no one’s seen anything of them.”

Your heart dropped to your feet.

“Are you sure?”

“Aye, the whole group would have known.”

You might’ve cried, but your eyes felt nearly frozen. You turned your pony, with full intent to head back out into the blizzard and look for your love, when one of the watchdwarrow stopped you.

“You’ll freeze out there my lady, as will your pony. Stay and get warm.”

“Aye lass” another said, “Besides, if the Prince’s are out there, her Lady Dís should be informed.”

Ah, that’s right. Dís.

One of the guards led Daisy off to get warm with other animals, while the other led you to Her Ladyship’s tent. He announced your presence, awaited approval, and then lifted the flap of the tent, beckoning you inside before letting it fall behind you.

Dís was a truly stunning Dwarrow, even for her age, with long black raven hair and a beard to match. Some strands were turning silver, much like Thorin’s, and her blue eyes were more piercing than an orc’s. She looked incredibly confused when you walked into her tent.

“Good Mahal lass, what the hell were you doing out in that storm? You must be senseless.” She said, looking up from a book she had been reading and furrowing her brows.

“I was looking for the Prince’s. I should introduce myself, my name is (Y/N).”

Dís’s eyes widened and she stood, showing off quite an impressive height.

“Why would you be looking for my sons out in this storm, (Y/N)?”

“They… Fili left a note this morning, he and Kili were coming to the caravan to see you. The watchdwarrow said they hadn’t arrived.”

The Dwarrowdams jaw went slack for a moment, and then she cursed, banging her hand on a small table that held a bottle of whiskey.

“Foolish boys! Have they no sense? I was to be seeing them in only a few more days, but they could not wait, could they? Och, the beasts!” Dís continued her rant for a while longer, before she turned her gaze back on you.

“And you journeyed out here in the storm?”

“Aye. I could not rest well knowing that they were out in this foul weather. I will be going to head back out to look for them as soon as I’ve warmed up a bit,” you replied, very conscious of the Mother’s piercing stare. She was quiet, until she breathed a worried sigh.

“It’s no use to search out in this weather, lass. Especially at night. Rest here with me, we’ll go searching first thing on the morrow. I must talk with the guards for now, make yourself comfortable, I will return soon.”

And, just like that, Dís left the tent. Her talk was brief, and left you standing dumb in the center of the tent. For some time, you debated on whether or not to go out searching anyways, but the fire was surely inviting, and something in you knew Dís wouldn’t take kindly to you leaving against her wishes.

Your travel bag, heavy and frozen from being exposed to the elements for so long, left your shoulders as you set it down by the entrance. Next came your gloves, and then the outer coat, snow and ice caked on it making your fingers fumble whilst trying to unbutton it. Eventually, it joined your bag, as well as your boots (if you had thought the coat was difficult to get off, the frozen buckles on your boots were torture). After you had stripped the burdensome clothing off, you simply stood in the center of the room, close to the fire. There were blankets nearby, piled near a bedroll, but you dared not touch them, seeing as they belonged to Dís. It was rather awkward, simply sitting in a stranger's (of sorts) quarters, and weren’t sure what to do.

Your eyes did some exploring for you, falling first on the book that Dís had been reading. ‘The Heart of Hrund’. Huh. You recognized the title, from the Great Library, but you knew very little about it. You’d have to read it now. Your eyes then fell to the whiskey bottle. ‘Breaker’s’. Ah. Memories you shared with Kili at the beginning of the journey returned, however hazed they were due to your drunken state. Strong stuff, Breaker’s was. Bofur managed to get his hands on a few bottles from a merchant, and you and Kili had stolen one from him, much to Thorin’s disappointment and Fili’s annoyance (he was upset to be left out of the fun). Your eyes then drifted to a leather-fitted box, beautiful khuzdul runes and designs etched into it, however, before you could get a closer look, footsteps crunched through the snow outside the tent.

Dís and a young dwarrow entered, carrying stew, bread, and a plethora of blankets and pillows.

“Mahal,” Dís started, placing the tray of food down on the little table and grabbing a quilt from the other dwarrow, “Have you just been sitting here freezing? You could have taken a blanket, you know.” She said, wrapping the quilt around your shoulders and moving you to sit down.

“I, er, I didn't want to be rude.” You replied, now sitting cross-legged on the floor. Dís screwed her face at you.

“Lass, it is never considered rude to take a blanket in the cold. Only exception is if someone is already using it.”

You didn’t reply, feeling very uncomfortable social-wise, despite finally starting to warm up physically. Dís grabbed the rest of the supplies from the other dwarrow and nodded at him to leave. As he left the tent, Dís set the other blankets down and started making a bedspace for you near the fire.

“I can help with that,” you said, starting to get up to help.

“Nonsense lass, you get yourself warm.” Dis stood and grabbed the food tray once more. “However, I do request that you eat.” she set the tray down in front of you, and you thanked her, feeling a bit guilty as you started on the stew.

“Uh, have you eaten yet, My Lady?”

Dís scoffed, resuming her work on your bed roll. “Don’t call me that child, call me Amad. I can hardly stand to be addressed in that way by servants, let alone my sons One. But yes, I’ve had my fill.”

Her words shocked you, having only ever heard Fili refer to you as his One. You hardly expected Dís to accept you as Fili’s lover, let alone his One.

“Alright.” You replied, once more feeling dumb and without anything to contribute. So you sat in silence, trying hard not to slurp and watching Dís make up your bed. Eventually, She moved up and away, surveying her work.

“Thank you, that was very kind.” you said. Dís sighed and nodded, sitting down on the other side of the fire. You were quiet once more, and were now re-considering going out to search for Fili and Kili, if only to avoid the discomfort of the situation.

“I hope you are only not talking because of the storm. I expected a much more chatty lass, if i’m being honest.” Dís remarked, eyeing you carefully.

Panic flashed through your eyes as you tried to think of something to say, but Dís let out a soft chuckle before you could make a fool of yourself.

“I’m only joking, child. You needn't be nervous here. Tell me, how was your journey from the mountain to here?”

“Cold,” You blurted out, shuddering as you imagined the wind biting your face. Dís smiled at your bluntness.

“Indeed, I imagine it would be, especially if you’ve been out all day. Tell me, was there any sign of them as you came over?”

You shook your head. “Unfortunately no, I could hardly see past my nose once the snow grew thicker.”

“I swear, those boys will be the death of me,” she muttered.

“Just be glad you weren’t Thorin trying to deal with all three of us,” you said without thinking. Dís locked eyes with you, and then started chuckling.

“I do not envy him, based on what I've read of you three. It seems that you made it your entire purpose to create trouble for my brother dear.”

“Well, we tried to. For the first half of the journey, at least. He was much more willing to withstand our meddling before we crossed the Misty Mountains. Then came the orcs, and goblins, and Mirkwood, Laketown, the dragon… and the battle too.” Your face had fallen whilst you spoke, and Dis reached out her hand to comfort you.

“You mustn't dwell on the hardships of the past, child. It does nothing but cause trouble for the mind. Believe me, I know.”

At that moment, Dís seemed to age very quickly, and the wisdom and experience that this dwarrowdam had became clearer. You knew her story well-enough, from nights Fili had needed to find comfort in you, telling you about his childhood and family. Dís had wed Víli Heptifilissøn, and twelve years after Kili had been born, he had fallen ill from the Black Lung*, and had spent months growing weaker and weaker until he perished. Fili was able to remember the wretched coughing, and his Adad’s ragged breaths, as clearly as the day it happened. It was the reason he refused to go deep into coal mines, or else made up excuses. If those memories still hung onto Fili, you could only imagine how horrible it must have been for Dís, who had to watch her husband suffer such a death. Looking at her now, you never felt more in awe of a single person.

“You speak truly, my Lady-”

She looked at you sharply, but with a twinkle in her eyes.

“-I mean, Amad.”

That satisfied her, and she relaxed her hand away. “I do indeed, child. Never has a lie crossed my lips. Except when I told Thorin that he had a mighty spider in his beard.” You chuckled at that, but it quickly turned to a yawn. Dís raised a brow.

“It’s time for sleep then,” she commented, “I’ll leave you in peace to finish eating, and then it’s straight to bed.” Dís stood and went back to her chair, and resumed her book, leaving you to scoop that last of the stew in your mouth. It was not long before you were warm and cozy in your makeshift bed, and Dís bid you goodnight before blowing out the lanterns.

You woke to shouting. In your groggy state, you couldn’t make out the words, and you blinked in the dim light of the fire.

“What new madness arises?” You heard Dís murmur, followed by the sounds of her fumbling about. The shouting grew nearer. “Are you awake, (Y/N)?”

“Only partly,” you replied, trying to untangle the covers from your legs. You shuddered as the extra warmth left, but hurried to your feet, only stumbling slightly. The noise was becoming considerably louder, and your ears could start to make out the words being yelled.

“Get a healer, lads!”

“He looks frozen stiff!”

“SHOVE OFF! WHERE IS AMAD?” Kili’s furious shout snapped you into alertness. At that moment, Dís was able to find a lantern, and finally the tent’s interior was more visible. The flap in front of the tent lifted, and Kili stumbled in, hair frozen with bits of ice and face bright red. With horror, you realized he was supporting another dwarf who was barely conscious. Fili.

You jumped to your feet and rushed towards your betrothed, supporting his other side and lifting his head. Fili’s lips were tinged blue, and his teeth were chattering bitterly, clacking together in a terrible rhythm. Dís was there not a second after you, and she helped guide you all to lay Fili down in the space you had slept just moments before.

“Strip him down,” Dís commanded, starting to work on his boots. You followed her orders without hesitation, helping Kili with Fee’s coat. It didn’t take too long for the three of you to undress him to his underclothes, and you winced when you saw his shoulder looked… definitely not normal. Dís pressed on it gently, and Fili made a weak groan that twisted at your heart.

“He fell off his pony,” Kili said.

“Of course he did. Kili, fetch a healer.” The younger prince sprang up, filled with energy even after being out in a blizzard for nearly an entire day. But he was hardly at the entrance when a grizzled old dwarrow entered, a satchel in hand and a hard look set in his features.

‘‘Hanarr,” Dís welcomed, nodding her head. The old dwarf grunted in acknowledgement before kneeling down by Fili’s shoulder, feeling along the bone. He grunted once more, before looking up at Kili.

“Hold down right here lad,” Hanarr instructed, moving Kili’s hands to rest on Fili’s other shoulder and chest. “Right, hold it firm.”

Hanarr outstretched Fili’s other arm, and began to move it towards his head. A click sounded, and Fili called out, however weakly. His shoulder looked back to normal again, and Hanarr quickly folded his arm against his chest, before searching through his medical pack and pulling out a sling.

“Sit him up, lad.” the healer instructed Kili. He propped Fili up against his side, and this time, Fili held his own head up, his gaze landing on you. Confusion flitted across his nearly-frostbitten features, and he mumbled your name despite of his state.

But Hanarr was upon him again, and soon the sling was fastened to his arm, and the Healer was moving his legs so that they were tucked against his chest. He addressed Kili once more, “Get rid of yer tunic, and stay close to yer brother” and then turned towards you, “do the same, but mind his shoulder lassie.” Without hesitation, you followed his command and soon Fili was sandwiched between yourself and Kili. Dís (with the permission of Hanarr), wrapped several blankets around the three of you, and soon set to work on making some tea. Hanarr presented her with a root of ginger, and, after seeing that all that could be done was done, decided to take his leave.

“He should be fine in a few hours, I'll come back to check on him soon. Keep him awake.” were his final words before departing.

The silence that followed his departure was intense, interrupted only by the sound of the fire, the kettle, and a knife. Dís was the first to speak.

“I would have your hides, if I was not so glad to see you again.” She said in a low voice as she shredded the ginger.

“I’m sorry Amad,” Kili said, eyeing the movement of his Amad’s knife, “Patience has never been my strong suit.” Beside you, Fili shifted and rested his forehead against your temple.

“Indeed not,” Dís replied, her voice heating like the water she was boiling, “How did you convince your brother to join you in this endeavor?” Fili moved again, this time nuzzling his face into your neck and hair, his nose startlingly cold.

“Who said it was my idea?” Kili argued. However, Dís turned her glare on him, and He flushed and murmured, “he wanted to see you too, it didn’t take much to convince him.”

“(Y/N)” Fili said, drawing the attention away from arguing. “ ‘m tired.” He let his head rest heavy against your shoulder, and you (reluctantly) moved him away.

“You must wait to sleep, Kidhuzel,” You said, bringing your hand up to brush his hair away from his face. He opened his eyes wider, in sheer betrayal. You could have smiled, knowing Fili’s tendency to become unreasonably cross when denied sleep, but instead you kissed his cheek.

“Your Amad is making tea for you, and when you drink it, you’ll warm right up.” The blond prince’s eyes dropped once more and he tried moving back to the crook of your neck, only to be refused a second time.

“ I’d prefer Ale,” He muttered bitterly. At this, you did allow yourself to smile.

“Not a chance. Your heart might stop.” He grumbled and detached his uninjured arm from Kili, taking your hand and squeezing it with what feeble strength that had returned to his veins.

“It won’ stop as long as you’re ‘ere.”

Kili snorted, but was silenced as Dís sent him another glare, and you laughed softly, shaking your head and squeezing his hand back.

“If it worked that way, then I would gladly give you the finest Ale, however, I do believe tea would be a better option.”

When the tea was ready, you helped Fili to drink it. At first, the prince had winced at the heat, but soon he drank it gladly, becoming more alive with each sip. You sensed Dís watching you and Fili carefully, but brushed it off, telling yourself she was only concerned for Fili, not observing how you interacted. A small part of you that wouldn’t be silenced said it was both. Soon the mug was empty, and it had apparently helped Fili along much more than you anticipated, and soon he had detached himself completely from his brother and was pulling you closer.

“Careful of your shoulder,” you reminded him.

“ ‘s fine.” He replied, pressing flush against you. His skin had already warmed, thus proving the hardiness and hot blood of dwarrow. Kili scooted away, seeing that he was no longer needed, readjusted the furs covering yourself and his brother, and pulled his tunic back on. Dís immediately walked over and threw another fur across his shoulders, and pulled him into a tight hug, which he returned just as tightly. You averted your eyes when Kili started to sniff and tremble.

“I missed you,” he said.

“And I as well, inùdoy” Mother and son stayed in once another’s embrace, until she drew away and made him drink his fill of ginger tea as well.

A half hour later, you were struggling to keep Fili’s eyes open, and Kili had already crashed on Dís’s bedroll. The dwarrowdam herself grew impatient for Hanarr’s return, and had gone out searching for him. She reentered the tent with him not ten minutes later, and Hanarr (as grumpy and irritable as he was, he was an excellent healer), inspected Fili. Truly, your prince was proof that dwarves were nothing more than portable furnaces, and his temperature was more or less back to normal. He still was a bit out of it, but it was nothing a good night’s sleep wouldn’t fix. Soon Hanarr declared that it was safe for Fili to sleep, and almost immediately, the blond sank into your bedroll and began to snore.

Diís left after Hanarr, telling you to rest and call her if need be. You didn’t question where she was going, and she did not share it with you.

However tired and exhausted you were, sleep would not come. You sat in front of the fire for hours, feeding it and stoking it, keeping your mind entertained with the images dancing in the flames.

You had just finished adding another log to the fire, when a hand lightly gripped your wrist.

“Ghivashel” Fili said faintly. Your head turned towards him, and you smiled despite all things; for while Fili’s face was still red, his hair undone, and his eyes bleary, he was alive and conscious.

“Khuzd allakhul” you scolded, bending down to lean your forehead against his, “What sort of prince are you, to go out in the snow and frighten your lover?” You kissed his lips softly before drawing away just enough to wait for his answer.

“A very foolish prince indeed,” He murmured, his hand on your wrist pulling you back towards him. “But what sort of lover are you, to worry so greatly and come after me in the snow?”

“A very devoted lover, who has half a mind to leave now that you’ve insulted my care of you.” Fili’s eyes widened and he summoned his strength to pull you down, nestled in his side.

“Forgive me, I was not thinking of insulting you, amrâlimê. I just don’t want to see you suffer for my sake. Menu Tessu.” He said, turning his head to press a kiss to your temple. The beads on his mustache braids still felt frozen, but his lips were warm. You smiled and took his hand, entwining your fingers together.

“All is forgiven. So long as you won’t do anything as stupid as that ever again.” you replied. Fili sighed and kissed the side of your mouth.

“I shall try my very hardest not to.”

“That isn’t very reassuring.”

“Then you must forgive me once more, for I cannot make such bold promises whilst Kili remains my brother.”

You both chuckled at this, before settling into comfortable silence. Slowly, your eyes began to drop, the crackling of the fire and the steady rhythm of Fili’s breath making it harder and harder to evade sleep. The fact that the lion prince had begun to rub circles into your shoulder with his thumb wasn’t helping. After the third time you startled yourself awake, Fili’s voice was near your ear.

“You can sleep now, Amralime. I won’t be going anywhere.”

His words were nothing short of a spell, and in less than a minute, your eyes closed and sleep overtook you, a comforting, dreamless sleep, the best kind.

When next you woke, indeed, Fili was still right next to you, awake, but only just. He was blinking the sleep away, and you suspected that his movements had been what had woken yourself. Cold winter light was shining through the tent flaps, cutting like a blade through the warm glow that filled the inside, and a conversation was taking place.

“We left in the wee hours, m’lady, just before dawn. You can imagine the state Thorin was in when he heard that the entire future of Erebor was out in the snow.” The voice of Dwalin more than successfully brought you to awakeness, and you sat up, looking around for the source of his voice.

“Indeed, I imagine he would be weathering the floors with pacing. I expect we’ll be leaving soon, no?” Now Dís spoke, and by this point, you and Fili had turned behind you to see the pair talking over mugs of mulled wine. Kili was also there, however, he was still dreaming on Dís’s previous sleeping roll, limbs sprawled out wide and mouth hung open almost comically.

“Aye, as soon as these three are dressed and ready.” Dwalin said, turning his gaze onto you and Fili, brow raised and the slightest of smiles on his warrior face. “What a lot of worry you and your brother had us in,” he continued, addressing Fili specifically, “I swear to Mahal, you’ve no idea what sort of panic you caused. Course, when yeh come back with your shoulder like that, everyone’ll be doting on yeh. ‘The poor heir who got caught in a blizzard trying to see his Amad’, not ‘the fucking idiot who didn’t have any patience and went out in the night despite knowing there was a storm brewin’.” But all while saying this, there was humor and relief in the warrior's voice, betraying how glad he felt that the boys were not frozen under three feet of ice and snow.

“Both versions are correct,” Fili pointed out, his voice still croaky from sleep.

“Aye, but only the first version will get told.” Dwalin replied, to which you laughed. He turned his focus to you now. “Don’t think you’re innocent lass, Thorin nearly had a heart-attack when we couldn’t find you. Both the heirs missin’ was bad enough, but the lady who’ll be adding to the heirs disappearing made it all worse.”

“Och, Dwalin, she had a noble cause to come out in the snow, you needn’t blame her for anything.” Dís said, coming to your aid.

“Was our cause not noble and justified?” Kili’s voice piped up. The Prince's eyes were hardly opened, but he was more than ready to defend himself from accusations.

“Not when you were to be seeing me in less than a week. If I was able to refrain myself from going out into a blizzard in the late hours, you should have been able to as well.” Dís retorted. A sour expression crossed Kili’s face, but he dared not argue with his Amad.

“Right then,” Dwalin said, “Get yourselves up an’ ready, we’ve not much daylight left to get back to Erebor.”

*Black Lung: Coal miner’s pneumonia.

Kidhuzel: Gold of Gold

Inùdoy: Son

Ghivashel: Treasure of Treasures

Khuzd allakhul: Stupid Dwarf

Menu Tessu: You mean everything to me

(part three will be out soon)

179 notes · View notes

ghost-in-the-stalls · 3 years

Note

your hc about mary please🤲🏻🤲🏻

Aw thanks so much for asking!! Idk if you're the same anon that asked about Tilda or a different one, but I appreciate you just the same 😍 no one has interacted with the Tilda post yet from what I can see so idk if people care about this in general but im glad you do! And I'd love to share regardless.

Once again this'll probably be long so it's going under a cut. Cw for normal aftg stuff but then also a little human trafficking mention in the beginning and general abuse/neglect both physical and emotional.

And once again this is in no way to excuse Mary's shitty behavior. She and Tilda were both abusive and terrible mothers and this is more just an exploration of the character and her mentality than anything else. I just love character depth.

Finally, I apologize if this isn't very well worded. I'm pretty tired but I dont like editing myself lmao I'd rather just get this out now. I think I get my points across clearly enough so I don't care as much about how good or bad the writing is

So Mary's mother was a woman who I consider not only having married into the Hatfords but who was basically like... sold to them as a child. Like maybe she was the illegitimate child of some other wealthy family who happened to owe some kind of debt to the Hatfords. And the Hatfords had only one son and were struggling to have another, but were desperate to keep the family line going. So they took this baby in exchange for forgiving a debt, and raised her to one day marry their son.

So this girl (whose name I've decided is Marion for some reason) is raised as a member of the family but like... slightly less. Treated as more of an object than a person. They basically only gave her enough of an education for her to get by, and made sure she knew from a young age that her sole purpose in the family was to marry their son (let's call him Samuel).

So you can imagine she didn't grow into a very happy woman. But she filled her role. She married Samuel Hatford, gave him 3 kids, and then pretended to stay out of the way. Stuart was the oldest, Mary in the middle, and I hc they had a younger sister as well. Don't ask me why. That just popped into my head one day and now I can't imagine otherwise.

So this family dynamic was fucked from the beginning. See Marion filled her role, but she had plans. In raising her children, she gave a great deal of care and attention to Stuart as he was the eldest and the only son. He was to inherit the family business upon his father's death or retirement. And she wanted to make sure she was taken care of properly in her old age. So she made Stuart feel as loved and doted on as she could.

Her daughters served her no purpose, so they got very different treatment. Mary especially was affected by this. The youngest daughter was able to generally slip under the radar and find her own niche in the world (married into a powerful wealthy family through a man she genuinely loved and that was already more than anyone needed or expected from her).

But Mary. She felt her mother's cold shoulder on a very deep level. Their father wasn't exactly a family man- couldn't be bothered. And here was her mother, so plainly and openly playing favorites. Stuart would get hugs and soft words while Mary would- on a good day- get slapped for even opening her mouth. See Mary and her sister were never meant to have any real power in the family. So what did it matter to Marion what grudges they held against her?

So enough years go by and Marion decides its taking too long for her husband to retire. So she takes matters into her own hands. Starts slowly slipping poison into his meals in very small doses until he's too weak to fight back when she slits his throat. She doesn't hide what she did. She doesn't need to. When Stuart takes over at 22 years old, he can't find it in himself NOT to protect her.

But I'm getting carried away. So Mary was now in a pretty weird spot. Stuart being in charge gave her a bit stronger footing in the family (they'd always had a very close relationship despite their mother's attitude), but she was still lower rung. She still suffered at the hands of her mother's emotional neglect and manipulation. And she was getting tired of it.

In comes Nathan Wesninski. See the thing I imagine with Nathan is that he is actually incredible charming. His knives can only get him so much when there are people he can't reach to cut up. And when his rising empire starts doing business with the Hatfords, he and Mary latch onto one another very quickly.

They each have their own intentions in the relationship and neither of them are blind to that. But it wasn't an arranged marriage. See Mary saw Nathan as her ticket up and out. She knew he was vying for power and she knew he was fully capable of getting it. I wouldn't go as far to say they were ever in love- I don't think either of them were ever really capable of that- but Mary definitely had some strong faith in what their relationship could be.

Now, when she looked forward, she finally saw herself on top. She saw her and Nathan standing side by side. That power that had always been out of reach for her? It was now in sight, and she definitely was blinded by that. She didn't see what Nathan really was until she was in too deep.

Stuart and the younger sister had disapproved of Mary and Nathan being together from the beginning. Being in business with him, Stuart knew what Nathan really was and how much he could drag Mary down. Their younger sister had just learned to be much better at reading people. But it didn't matter what they said. Mary had her plan and nothing was going to take it from her.

Mary's commitment to marrying Nathan and Stuart's blatant disapproval of him created a deep rift between them. They had always been very close, but Mary saw his interference as an attempt to keep her in her place. She was stubborn and refused to back down. By the time she and Nathan got married, her and Stuart were barely on speaking terms.

Now the thing is, Nathan knew what he wanted out of Mary. And he also knew that once he had her, she wouldn't be able to go anywhere until he got what he wanted.

It didn't take too long for Mary to come to understand that what they had was never and would never be a partnership. She was a tool to him. And by the time she had Abram, he was already beating her into submission and openly fooling around with Lola on the side.

But now she was stuck. Their marriage may not have been arranged, but it was still a business deal. And even if it wasn't, Nathan wasn't going to let her go anywhere.

Once it became clear that Abram wasn't going to make an appropriate heir for the Wesninski business and Nathan tried to sell him to the Moriyamas, Mary decided she'd had enough. She was going to get out one way or another.

Now here's the thing. We know what Mary was like with Neil when they were on the run. We know how abusive and controlling she was. And she could say it was for his own good all she wanted. But ultimately, it was all about power. She had been beaten down from the very start of her life. She'd been left in the dust, bloody and bruised, while those around her rose to a power that was always just out of her reach.

But now it was just her and her son. And they may not even have the luxury of being real people anymore, but damn if she was going to lose the one thing she was able to call hers- the one thing in the world she actually had power over.

Because that's really all it's ever about isn't it? Mary Hatford wasn't capable of loving anything or anyone. The people who'd raised her and made her who she was had never taught her how to do that. And maybe the fierce protectiveness she had over Abram was the closest she could get to it. But really she just ultimately became the same thing she had always been fighting against. Now it was her own heavy and swift hands doling out punishment to a misbehaving child. Now she herself was the one getting the last word and making all the decisions. Now she had someone following her every command.

It eventually became clear to her that she very likely would die sooner or later at the hands of Nathan and his men. She could only run so far and for so long. But even in her death, she knew she would never let them take what was hers. She never took Abram to Stuart because the break in their relationship was beyond repair at this point. But she still would prefer Abram eventually ended up in his protection than at the end of Nathan's knife. But until these things came, she took Abram and kept running. The more days they ran, the more days she had of power over him and freedom from everything else. The more able she was to ensure that Abram would keep running after her death; that he'd never fall under anyone else's power and that her voice would be the only one left in his head at the end of each day.

If she could see where he'd ended up, she'd be furious (and she'd be surprised at her own fury, as introspection wasn't something she indulged in often). He was never meant to live. He was never meant to move on from her memory or to leave her dying request behind.

But, at the same time, good for him for finding his own strength and place in the world. Because of course it could only happen once she was gone.

---

So thats my take on Mary. Once again, she was a piece of shit just like Tilda. This is not to do anything other than explore the character and give her complexity. I do genuinely believed she "loved" Neil in the only way she could ever be capable of loving anyone. But it wasn't love. It was possession. And good on both him and Andrew (and Aaron and Nicky for that matter) for being able to slowly learn to heal from the abuse they suffered at the hands of their parents.

Thanks so much again for asking!! It means a lot and I love to share my headcanons 😊❤

#aftg #aftg meta #mary hatford #stuart hatford #neil josten #nathan wesninski #nathaniel wesninski #abram hatford #tfc #my writing

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freddiesaysalright · 4 years

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The Most Dramatic Season Ever - Week 6

Summary: It’s your time now! You are ABC’s new Bachelorette and this is your journey! All these men (including our fav BoRhap boys and then some) are competing for your heart! Will you find love? Will you get engaged at the end? Or will you end up heartbroken? Find out, on the most dramatic season ever!

Word Count: 10.1k (this one’s a DOOZY)

Tag List: @psychosupernatural, @someone-get-a-medic, @bensrhapsody, @deakyclicks, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession, @minigranger, @crazyweirdocalledfriday, @the-moving-finger-writes, @assembledherethevolunteers, @rose-writes-prose, @queenlover05, @moon-stars-soul, @danadeacon, @deacyblues, @thesundrop, @cupidben, @lostlittlenerd, @delilahmay39, @timmvrphy, @queenmylovely, @loveandbeloved29, @free-pool-trash, @fairestkillerqueenofall, @local-troubled-writer, @babyalienfairy, @littlecarowrites, @allthethingsicant, @im-an-adult-ish, @mirkwoodshewolf, @squishy-gay-astronaut, @sherlollydramoine, @butlegendsneverdie, @dogmom2014, @rocketrhap917, @26-7-49, @lelifesaver, @frozenhuntress67 If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: A note on the names in this chapter! So, I went with Ben’s family name being Hardy since we all know him with that name. I understand that in reality, his parents would be Mr. and Mrs. Jones. And with Rami’s sister, I couldn’t get a confirmation on whether her name is spelled Jasmine or Yasmine so I went with the J spelling because that was what I saw first.

Warning(s): Mentions of racism.

Night 1 Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Week 5

Week 6 here we go!!!

Your first hometown date was with Ben in Sherborne, UK. You met him at the center of the town, which was small and quaint. But you liked it. Especially once you saw Ben walking over to you. You ran to him and leaped into his arms. He caught you with a laugh and a sweet kiss.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he said, shaking his head. “In Sherborne.”

“I can’t believe it either,” you replied. “But I’m so happy that I am!”

“Me too,” he agreed as he set you down. “I thought I’d just give you a bit of a tour so you can see where I grew up before we head to my parents, yeah?”

“Sounds perfect!”

He took your hand and started down the road. At the end of the street was a vintage car. It was a black convertible, like you’d seen in old movies. It looked glamorous.

“This,” Ben said, walking up to the car. “Is our ride for the day.”

“Are you serious?!” you cried. “Oh my God!”

“Glad you like it,” he chuckled.

“I love it!” you told him.

He opened the passenger side door for you and you slid in. Then he walked around to the driver’s side and got in beside you. He looked at you, smirked, and then started the engine. He looked so sexy behind the wheel you had to turn your attention to the road so he wouldn’t see you blushing.

He drove slowly. There wasn’t much traffic, anyway, so you really could see all the places he was pointing out to you. He showed you the church he attended as a kid. Where he went to primary school. The tree under which he had his first kiss. It was all so sweet. It was all so Ben.

“I wish you could be here in October sometime,” he said. “We’ve got the Pack Monday Fair, which is always a great time.”

He told you about the fair and all his fondest memories, especially attending with his father. You were melting.

“So, how often do you get here to visit your family?” you wondered.

“As often as I can,” he said. “I’m all the way in London, and it’s not like I’ve got weekends off. But I definitely get here for special occasions and holidays.”

“Do you think you’d want to settle down here?” you asked. “When you’re ready to start a family?”

“As much as I love it here, I’d rather stay in London,” he said. “There’s more opportunity there and more diversity, which is something I want my children to experience. But believe me, they’ll be coming here to visit Nan as often as possible. My mum can’t wait for me to have kids, so she’ll be all over them.”

You giggled. “I like that. I want an involved family.”

“You might regret saying that one day,” he joked.

You drove on, and by the end, you felt you had seen almost the entire town. You stopped at the store to pick up a bottle of wine and some flowers for his mother, before at last going to the house. It was a cozy little home, and it looked inviting. You took a deep breath before starting up the driveway.

“Nervous?” Ben asked.

“A bit,” you admitted.

“Don’t be,” he said and kissed your cheek. “They’re gonna love you.”

Before you could argue, he reached out and opened the door, allowing you inside first.

“Hello!” Ben called.

Seconds after his voice rang out, a swarm of people were upon you. All rushing to hug Ben and get a glimpse of you. He introduced you to his mother and father, and then to his aunts and uncles who were there. His grandmother remained seated on the couch, so you all made your way back to her so Ben could say hello.

“These are for you,” you said to Mrs. Hardy, handing her the wine and flowers.

“Oh, thank you, darling,” she replied. “They’re beautiful!”

You smiled as she disappeared into the kitchen to put them in a vase. Then Ben’s father approached you. You smiled and shook hands again.

“Y/N, right?” he asked.

“Yep, that’s right,” you told him.

“Come on, let’s get you a drink,” he said.

“Won’t say no to that,” you replied.

You followed him into the kitchen. Mrs. Hardy had already set out the flowers on the counter, and she was fussing around the food, which was evidently almost ready. Mr. Hardy poured you a glass of wine and handed it to you.

“Thank you,” you said.

Ben’s parents were surprisingly easy to talk to. You offered to help his mother with dinner, but she insisted you just relax. His father was a lot like Ben. A bit reserved, but friendly. So you chatted with them for a bit while Ben got caught up with the rest of his family.

When dinner was ready, you all sat around the dining room table. Mrs. Hardy served up a delicious meal, and then told you all to “tuck in.” You had a great time during the meal. His family was funny and warm. They welcomed you with open arms. You felt comfortable with them immediately.

“So, Y/N, can we have a chat?” asked Mrs. Hardy once the plates were clear.

“Of course,” you agreed.

You followed her to the sitting room. You sat together on the couch, and she gave your knee a maternal pat.

“How’s it all going?” she asked. “With Ben, that is.”

You smiled. “Ben and I have something really special,” you told her. “He told me that he’s falling in love with me, and I feel the same. Which I’ve told him.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” she said. “Has he told you that he’s never been in love before?”

“He has,” you said. “And I’m still a little worried about that.”

“Worried? Why?” she asked.

“Well, because I don’t want him to feel like there’s more out there,” you said. “Or to get confused. I don’t want him to wake up say, ten years from now and wonder if he made a mistake because he didn’t really know what he was doing.”

“I don’t think you need worry about that,” she said. “Ben is...a unique man. He’s struggled to find love because he’s quite aware of his feelings. He has told me about girls he’s gone with and expressed things like ‘Mum, I liked her, but I don’t think she’s the one,’ or ‘Mum, she’s beautiful, but I can’t go forward just because we’re attracted to each other.’ If he’s falling in love with you, then he means it. He isn’t confused.”

“That’s a relief to hear you say that,” you said. “Because I just wasn’t really sure if he knew. But you’re right, Ben is a self-aware person, and I have faith that what he’s telling me is true. I did promise him I’d never doubt him.”

You explained to her what Luke had once said about him.

“That’s ridiculous,” she scoffed. “Ben’s honest and kind. And, Y/N...he’s ready. He’s ready to find his partner and settle down.”

“I think he’d be a wonderful husband,” you told her. “And I suppose I have you to thank for that.”

She giggled and took your hand. You smiled at each other.

Meanwhile, Ben was talking to his father. They stood out on the back patio, each smoking a cigarette. You didn’t like that Ben smoked, but he did it pretty rarely since he was an athlete. And he also told you it was his goal to quit by the time he had children.

“So, Benny,” Mr. Hardy said. “How’re you feeling?”

“It hasn’t been easy,” Ben said. “I’ve...well, I’ve fallen in love with her.”

“Has she fallen in love with you?” Mr. Hardy wondered.

“She says she’s getting there,” Ben told him. “But there are still three other guys.”

“They good blokes?”

“Yeah, actually, I like them a lot. Consider them friends, even.”

“That’s good, it shows she’s got taste,” Mr. Hardy joked.

Ben chuckled. “Yeah. I’m just worried. I want to tell her that I love her. But I don’t want to get my heart broken.”

“There’s no way to fall in love without taking that risk,” Mr. Hardy said. “If you love her, love her with everything you’ve got. Pursue her. Let her know why she should choose you.”

Ben smiled. “Thanks, Dad.”

You switched parents, so Ben went to speak to his mother, and you went to speak to his father. You looked at Mr. Hardy and saw Ben’s features in his face. It was like looking through time and seeing Ben as an older man. Only, Mr. Hardy had brown eyes. Ben got his eyes from his mother.

“Can I ask you how you feel about Ben?” Mr. Hardy asked.

“I care a lot about him,” you said. “He’s probably the sweetest person I’ve ever met and...well, I’m falling in love with him.”

“He’s not hard to look at, either,” he joked.

“Well, he gets it from somewhere,” you returned, pointing at him.

He laughed.

“You seem like a nice girl,” he said. “I think you’d be a good wife to Ben, if that’s what you both want. I’m just happy if he’s happy. And he seems quite happy with you.”

You looked at Ben through the window, where he was sitting with his mom.

“You guys must miss him a lot,” you said.

“Terribly,” Mr. Hardy said. “But once again, he’s happy.”

“I’ve so appreciated you welcoming me into your home,” you said. “A home as loving as this shows me what I can expect from Ben. Thank you.”

He opened his arms to you, and you gladly accepted them.

Inside, Ben was telling his mother exactly what he’d told his father. That he was in love with you and was nervous about telling you.

“I agree with Dad, darling,” Mrs. Hardy said. “I think if that’s what you’re feeling, you should be honest with her.”

“It’s just scary since...well, I’ve never done it before,” he said. “How do I…” he trailed off with a sigh.

“Do you think it matters to her how you say it?” she asked.

“No, I think she just wants me to be honest,” he returned.

“Then there you have it, love,” she said.

The night wound down and it was time for you to go. You said fond goodbyes to Ben’s family and he walked you out to the van already waiting for you.

“Today was such a great day,” he said. “They really seemed to like you.”

“I really like them,” you told him. “You have a great family, Ben.”

“I hope you come back,” he said.

“Me too,” you replied.

A beat passed. Ben pulled you into a tight hug. Then he lowered his lips to your ear.

“I love you, Y/N,” he whispered. “I love you so much.”

You wrapped your arms around his waist and gave a small squeeze.

“It means so much to hear you say that,” you said.

You desperately wanted to tell him that you loved him too. Because you did. But you knew it was a bad idea. All you could do was convey how you felt through the embrace. And then when he kissed you...it was nothing like the way he’d kissed you before. This was something else entirely. It felt more like a promise.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he said.

“I’m gonna miss you too,” you told him.

With that, he opened the car door for you. You slid into the back seat and smiled at him once more before he closed it. He stood on the street and watched you go, feeling like you were taking his heart with you.

Your next hometown date was with Gwilym. Like Ben, he currently lived in London, but his hometown was Sutton Coldfield, where much of his family still resided. Gwilym had told you a little bit about his hometown, so you were excited to see it in person. You met him at Sutton Park.

He looked dashing where he stood waiting for you, despite only wearing a sweater and jeans. You ran up to him and he caught you in his arms. He planted a warm and welcoming kiss on your lips. You held him a little tighter.

“I’m so glad you’re here, cariad,” he said as you parted.

“I’m glad to be here,” you replied.

“I figured I’d show you Sutton Park,” he said. “It’s a staple of the town and quite lovely on a day like today when we’ve got nice weather. Fancy a walk?”

“Sounds perfect,” you agreed.

He offered you his arm, which you took. It really was a pleasant day, with a rare bit of sunshine. As you walked, he told you who you would be meeting that day. His family kept it small, so it would just be his parents and siblings. Gwilym was the youngest. It was difficult for you to picture him the youngest sibling, since he always struck you as mature and grown up. He assured you that his childhood was normal, and that he and his siblings were very close now that they were all adults.

You walked together in the park for about an hour. Then he told you there was another stop to make before going to his parents’ home. You emerged from the park, walked another fifteen minutes or so, and then you saw it - a library.

“Since you saw my personal collection, I thought I’d show you where I first gained an appreciation for literature,” he said. “Right here at the Sutton Coldfield Library.”

“I can’t wait,” you told him.

He smiled, took your hand, and led you inside. The library looked fairly typical. It wasn’t grand or beautiful, but it had some charm to it. You tried to imagine young Gwilym poring over the books, trying to decide the one he’d like best. You smiled at the thought.

You were just about to tell him so when a distraction in the shape of a little girl came hurtling over, throwing her arms around Gwilym’s legs. She was maybe six years old. Her blonde ringlets settled against her face.

“Mr. Gwilym, you’re back!” she cried, clutching a handful of his jeans. “We’ve missed you!”

You blinked, shocked at the sudden appearance of the girl, but even more surprised that she knew Gwilym and was comfortable enough to hug him so tightly.

“Hello, Rosie,” Gwilym replied, patting her head. “I’ve missed you all too.”

Suddenly, more children emerged from a section you saw was the children’s library. Their little faces lit up at the sight of Gwilym, and they all followed Rosie’s example of throwing themselves on him. He laughed and then saw your bemused expression.

“I come home twice a month to read to the kids,” he told you. “To give back to this place.”

A little boy had clamored onto Gwilym’s back.

“Where’ve you been, Mr. Gwilym?” he wondered with a pout.

“Well, you see, children,” Gwilym said, nodding toward you. “I’ve met someone very special.”

In a swarm, they detached themselves from him and walked over to you, staring. You bit back a laugh.

“Hey, kids,” you said kindly. “I’m sorry for keeping Mr. Gwilym away.”

“You’re pretty,” Rosie said. “Are you Mr. Gwilym’s girlfriend?”

“I am,” you told her.

“Are you gonna get married?” asked another girl beside you.

“Maybe!” you said.

You met Gwilym’s gaze as the children demanded more information and you did your best to answer them. A future with him was suddenly much clearer.

“Alright, everyone leave Mr. Gwilym and his friend alone,” said the librarian, an elderly woman with her silver hair in a long braid down her back.

“Hello, Joan,” Gwilym said warmly, bending down to kiss the woman’s cheek.

Joan smiled at you as Gwil introduced you and she asked how everything was going. You told her it was all wonderful, and Gwilym agreed. Then Rosie returned and tugged on Gwilym’s pant leg.

“What are you going to read for us today?” she asked.

“Oh, Rosie, I’m sorry, we just popped over to say hello,” he told her. “We don’t have a story today.”

Tears shone in her big, blue eyes and you nearly started crying yourself.

“Please,” Rosie begged.

“Please!” the other children echoed.

“Read them a story, you monster,” you teased, punching his arm lightly.

“Alright, I’ll read you a story,” Gwilym said. “If Miss Y/N reads it with me.”

“Please, Miss Y/N!” they cried.

You laughed. “Alright, then,” you agreed. “Story time it is.”

They all cheered, returned to the children’s library, and settled into the back corner. It was a cozy little set up, with bean bag chairs and cushions and stuffed animals everywhere. A wide bench was placed under the window, where the reader would sit. The kids picked out a story while you and Gwilym took your places.

He started off the story, and his enthusiasm was not something you had seen him yet. He did voices, he made faces, anything to amuse the children. They giggled and snickered, enjoying themselves to the fullest, and totally riveted by him. You were too. You knew you were reading the words and doing your best to be convincing, but your mind was on Gwilym and how impressed you were with him. It showed you how much he valued learning, and the kind of father he might be.

When the story was over, you had to say goodbye and head to the Lee household. The kids were sorry to see you go, but their parents were arriving to pick them up. Gwilym even knew their parents, and said quick hellos before guiding you out and down the street.

“That was….” you trailed off. “So amazing. I feel like every time we’re together, you show me a new side of you. And I think that one is my favorite.”

He chuckled. “I just want to give back to the next generation,” he said. “Maybe they’ll go on to be great writers or professors. Maybe they won’t. But no matter what, they’ll support their local library.”

“You’re the actual sweetest, you know that?” you said.

He only laughed before throwing his arm over your shoulder and leading you away.

For the evening, you went to his parents’ home. It was a bit larger than what you were used to seeing in the UK, but looked inviting. You met Gwilym outside, and he hugged you tightly. You did your best to return it with the flowers and wine in your hands.

“Are you ready, love?” he asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” you replied.

“Let’s go in.”

Together, you walked across the threshold as Gwilym called out to his family. The first person to round the corner was his father, who wrapped his son up in the friendliest bear hug. His brothers and sister were not far behind. His mother approached you first.

“Hello, dear,” she said kindly. “I’m Ceinwen. It’s lovely to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” you replied. “I’m Y/N.”

Gwilym introduced to his father, Tom, his brothers, Geraint and Owen, and his sister, Rhiannon. They were all very friendly and gave you hugs as they met you. You followed them into the kitchen, and as you walked, you observed your surroundings. This family was undeniably Welsh, and proud of it. Gwilym told you that both his parents were from Wales, and he connected strongly to that heritage. Seeing the home, you understood why. You envied that connection a little bit.

“You have such a lovely home,” you said to Ceinwen. “Thank you for having me.”

“We’re glad to have you,” she replied. “Come, sit down for dinner.”

It was already on the table when you arrived, so she said you had perfect timing.

“I’m relieved,” Gwilym said. “We got a bit delayed at the library.”

“Oh, did you take her to see the children?” Ceinwen asked.

“I did,” he told her. “We had a wonderful time with them, didn’t we?”

He looked over at you and took your hand. You beamed.

“We really did,” you said.

They asked how your day was overall, and you were excited to tell them that it was great. You always felt like you could gush about Gwilym. His family exchanged happy glances at your every word.

After dinner, Rhiannon asked to speak to you. You happily agreed and followed her into the sitting room. You each took a seat on the couch.

“How’s this whole process been for you?” she asked.

“It hasn’t been easy,” you told her. “I’ve had to make really difficult decisions, but I’m just following my heart the best I can.”

“How many men are left?” she wondered.

“Including Gwilym, there are four,” you said.

“And how are you feeling about him as compared to the other three?” she pressed.

You swallowed. “That’s difficult to say. I sort of have to compartmentalize each relationship and evaluate it on its own strengths or weaknesses. I know that Gwilym and I have been strong since the beginning. He’s really opened up to me, as I have to him, and we’re falling steadily in love.”

“And has Gwil expressed his feelings for you?”

“He’s told me that he’s falling in love with me,” you said. “Which made me so happy because I’m falling in love with him too.”

“Have you told him that?”

You shook your head. “I haven’t. But I plan on letting him know soon.”

“As long as you’re honest with him, he’ll be honest with you,” she said with a smile. “Gwilym’s reserved, but not afraid of the truth.”

“I definitely see that about him,” you agreed. “We’ve always been totally honest with each other.”

You smiled at each other. You spoke to his parents next. His mother sat on the couch beside you and his father in a chair across the coffee table.

“Can I just start by saying what a wonderful man you have raised?” you began. “Honestly, Gwilym has been such a dream and completely unafraid of the risk involved in this. He’s great.”

They both grinned.

“Thank you,” Tom said. “We hope that means you’re feeling strongly for him.”

“I am,” you assured him. “I told Rhiannon that I’m falling in love with him.”

“That’s wonderful,” Ceinwen said. “He told us the same about you.”

“Now, there are still other people involved in this,” Tom said.

“I know,” you said. “But believe me. I care so deeply for Gwilym. The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt him.”

“You must understand,” his mother said. “As his parents, that’s our worst fear. After he lost his fiance, he was a wreck. I don’t want him to return to that.”

“I understand,” you assured her. “I will do what I can to keep him from that. But please understand my position as well. I can’t make any promises right now.”

“Right, of course,” Tom said.

You chatted a little longer, and you once again told them how much you admired Gwilym. Meanwhile, he was talking to his siblings.

“So, how are you feeling about her?” asked Owen.

“I’m falling in love with her, for sure,” Gwilym answered. “I really could see her being my wife.”

“But you’re not completely in love?” questioned Geraint.

“I dunno if I could say that with other men involved,” Gwilym replied. “I want to be down on one knee before I give myself that completely.”

“She seems like a great girl, Gwil,” Rhiannon added. “You two seem compatible. She’s got a good head on her shoulders. But are you sure you could propose after just a few weeks?”

Gwilym looked at his wine glass and swirled the deep purple liquid around, just for something to do while he considered this question.

“You all know how seriously I would take an engagement,” he began. “I think, if within the coming weeks, Y/N and I find ourselves at that point, then yes. I could see myself proposing.”

The siblings all exchanged a look. If he was that serious about you, they would support him.

Overall, Gwilym’s hometown went well. It wasn’t as smooth as Ben’s, but given Gwilym’s history, you understood his family’s skepticism. Even so, they seemed genuinely happy for him. As Gwilym led you out, you swung your clasped hands with joy. He smiled at you.

“Gwilym,” you said. “You told me back in London that you’re falling in love with me.”

“Yes, I remember,” he said.

“Well, I just wanted to tell you that….I’m falling in love with you too,” you said. “Hard and fast.”

His smile widened.

“I’m happy to hear it, cariad,” he replied.

With that, he turned you toward him and pulled you in for a kiss. His lips pressed into yours with a need you had not felt from him before. His gratitude for your validation was deeper than you thought. Perhaps his feelings were as well.

When you broke apart, you coiled your arms around his neck and held him close. You stood there for what felt like hours. Despite everything you had been through with him, and the beauty of that moment on the London Eye, this was the most romantic moment you felt with Gwilym. Just you and him. Outside his childhood home, knowing each other without even speaking.

“You need to get going,” he finally said.

“I wish I didn’t,” you replied.

“I do too,” he agreed. “But there’s more to this journey.”

You stood on your toes and kissed him again.

“I’ll see you soon,” you whispered.

“I can’t wait,” he replied.

He walked you to the car and opened the door for you. With one last kiss, you got in. As you drove away, you felt your heart breaking without him.

After Gwilym’s hometown, it was time to leave the UK and head back to the states. Your first stop was in New York for Joe’s hometown. He was from Hyde Park, which you knew nothing about. You were excited to see it though and understand Joe better.

You arrived at Hyde Park and met Joe on what appeared to be a random street. You sprinted to him, eager to be in his arms. You had missed him desperately while you were apart. He caught you and spun you around with a laugh before he kissed you.

“I’ve missed you so much, baby,” he said.

“I’ve missed you more,” you returned.

“Wanna bet?” he shot back.

You laughed. “What are you going to show me today?”

“Hyde Park isn’t exactly known for tourism,” he said. “We’ve got the Vanderbilt Mansion, sure, but other than that we’re just your average town.”

“So, are we going to see the mansion?” you wondered.

“Actually, I thought we’d do something better,” he said. “Come with me.”

He took your hand and began to lead you down the street. This community was clearly close-knit, as several people stopped Joe to talk to him and catch up. He introduced you as his girlfriend and they all smiled happily for him. Finally, you stopped outside a restaurant. The name on it was Mazzello’s. You grinned.

“Your family’s restaurant!” you cried. “I’m gonna get to see it?!”

“Absolutely!” he returned. “My brother, John, has been handling things since I’ve been away, so he’ll be the first family member you meet.”

“I can’t wait!”

You followed him inside. A wave of voices overtook you as Joe walked through the door. It seemed his whole family had surprised even him by showing up at the restaurant. His mother was there, as were his brother and sister. His nieces and nephews raced to hug him and he miraculously scooped all of them into his arms.

There were hugs all around. The Mazzellos had spared no one in coming to meet you. Joe’s grandparents were there. His aunts and uncles. Family friends. Even restaurant regulars. It showed you how well Joe was loved in his community. It made you love him even more.

Joe introduced you first to his mother, Virginia, his sister, Mary, and then his brother, John. They were all thrilled to meet you. As you made your way through the crowd to meet everyone else, you felt there was a missing piece. When you looked over at the counter you realized what it was. A picture of Joe’s father hung behind the register.

You turned your eyes to Joe and saw that he was looking at it too. He shook his head and then looked at you.

“Come on,” he said with a small smile. “Let me show you the kitchen.”

“Alrighty,” you agreed.

You walked with him behind the counter and into the back of the restaurant. The kitchen was huge, with everything you could ever need to make Italian food. And it was authentic. Joe showed you where they made dough, how they turned it into noodles or pizza crust. The massive cooler for all the fresh vegetables. They also had a garden behind the restaurant where they grew their own herbs.

“Joe, this is incredible,” you said, still looking around in awe.

“My dad was dedicated to being authentic,” he said. “So we’ve kept it the way he started it.”

“You shouldn’t change a thing,” you told him.

You were alone together in the kitchen, so he took this opportunity to pull you into his arms. He held you for a long moment, and you felt him shake as he released a breath. You wrapped your arms around him and squeezed him gently.

“Thanks,” he sniffled. “Being back is just bringing up a lot of emotions.”

“I’m here, baby,” you said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Come on,” he said. “I’ve gotta show you how to make all this.”

“We’re gonna cook?” you asked, surprised.

“Course,” he said with a wink. He tossed you an apron. “You gotta learn if you’re gonna be a part of the family.”

You smirked. Then you tied the apron on, rolled up your sleeves, and got to work. His family joined you to help out as well, and Joe took every moment he could to flirt with you. When he showed you something, he stood behind you and put his arms around your waist. If he helped you get something, he reached over you, putting his chest to your face. If he was passing you and no one was around, he gave you a light pat on your ass. You had never had so much fun.

Together, you and the Mazzellos prepared a huge meal for everyone there to see Joe and meet you. Joe’s family was just as fun as he was. They poked fun at him - in the most loving way possible - and welcomed you warmly. As you all sat down to eat, Joe said a quick prayer. Then you dug in to the food.

“Oh my God,” you moaned as you took the first bite. “This is delicious!”

They laughed with you. Sharing a meal with them was like nothing you had ever experienced. Everyone at the table got a say in any discussion, even the children. In fact, Joe frequently consulted them. It seemed that Uncle Joe was a popular person. Many people had questions for you, and Virginia made a special effort to make you feel included. Not that she had to try too hard. You already felt like one of them.

After your meal, they opened a bottle of wine. When the glasses were distributed, you made a toast. Then, Virginia pulled you aside. You followed her to one of the small tables on the patio and sat across from her.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she said. “Joe’s been talking about you since he got home and we were all so anxious.”

“I’m glad I don’t disappoint,” you replied.

“Never,” she said. “All I want is for Joe to be happy. He’s been burned in the past and I just want to protect him.”

“Of course you do,” you returned. “You’re an amazing mother. I can’t promise you that Joe and I will end up together because I’m not sure how this will go yet.”

“How do you feel about Joe?” she asked.

You took a moment to form a response. There were so many things you admired about Joe. His humor, his wit, his good heart. The way he made you feel understood and loved. The way you could rely on him. Tears suddenly stung your eyes.

“Oh!” Virginia gasped when she noticed. “Well, then. That tells me all I need to know.”

“I love him,” you choked out anyway.

It felt good to say it to someone. You were in love with Joe. But he hadn’t said it to you, so you weren’t sure about saying it to him.

“I’m glad to hear that,” she said graciously.

She paused a moment before continuing.

“It’s funny, seeing you two together,” she said. “I’m reminded of myself and Mr. Mazzello. The way you seem so at ease with one another and have fun. But behind all of it...I see the depth of what you feel. I know you’d be there for him when things got rough, just as he would be there for you.”

“Joe has been the most solid connection I’ve had,” you said. “He’s never let me down. Truly, Mrs. Mazzello, I see a future with him. Especially after today.” You took a moment to take a breath since your emotion was threatening to overwhelm you again. “I see it so clearly.”

“I’m touched that he means so much to you,” she said, opening her arms. “Come here, Y/N.”

You melted into her and let out a small sob. It hit you so suddenly how much you loved Joe and it had caught you off guard. When you settled down, she wiped your cheeks before kissing them. You beamed at each other.

Joe spoke to his mother next, while you went to chat with his siblings. Virginia took her son in her arms and held him for a quick moment before they sat down together.

“So, how’d it go with Y/N?” he asked.

“Wonderful,” she replied. “She cares for you, Joe.”

“I hope so,” he said with a chuckle.

“No, listen to me, honey,” she said. “I asked her point blank how she felt about you. And she started to cry. You mean a great deal to her.”

Joe flushed, both pleased and distressed by his mother’s words. He hated that you had gotten upset, but he was also touched by the sentiment. He had confessed that he was falling in love with you. Was now the time to tell you that he was there? He was so madly in love with you that he’d do anything in the world for you?

Inside, you had begun talking to Joe’s siblings, but his nieces and nephew quickly interjected.

“What’s your favorite thing about Uncle Joe?” you asked them.

“He’s fun!” his oldest nephew cried. “He always plays with us when the grown ups are being boring.”

“What’s your favorite game to play with him?” you asked.

“Tickle monster!” they all agreed.

“Do you want him to get married?” you wondered.

“Yes!” said his niece eagerly. “That way he can have babies too, and we’ll have even more cousins to play with!”

“Do you wanna have babies with Uncle Joe?” asked his other nephew.

You blinked, a bit taken aback. Then you smiled.

“Very much.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw John and Mary grin at one another.

All too soon, the sun went down and it was time for you to go. You said warm goodbyes to everyone before Joe led you out to the car that was waiting for you.

“What a great day,” he said, before leaning forward and kissing your forehead.

“It was wonderful,” you said. “Do you think if we asked nicely, they’d let us do it again?”

He chuckled. “Afraid not, babe. But hey, I’ll see you again soon.”

You looked into his eyes. He felt the brutal urge to tell you now that he was fully in love with you. He opened his mouth to let it out, but then closed it again. Something in his heart was telling him to wait.

Your brow furrowed. You were hoping Joe would say “I love you.” When he didn’t you were a bit disappointed.

“Everything okay?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he said absentmindedly. “Yeah, I just...I had such a good time today and I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’m gonna miss you too,” you said.

You rested your head against his chest, not ready to let him go. You got a sudden burst of bravery.

“Joe, I -”

You stopped yourself. Why were you hesitating?

“Yes?” he pressed.

“I...I really am gonna miss you.”

His face fell, and you felt terrible. Why was this so hard to say? Perhaps because it meant so much.

“I’ll see you at the rose ceremony,” he said with a smile.

He kissed you once more. Then he opened the car door and you slid inside. You whispered a tearful goodbye to him, which he returned. Then he closed the door. The driver started down the street. You hung your head in your hands.

“That was stupid,” you said to the camera. “I should have just told him.”

Little did you know, Joe was giving himself the exact same lecture. His only regret in the journey so far was not telling you just then that he loved you. He hoped it didn’t cost him a rose.

From New York, you flew back to Los Angeles for Rami’s hometown. The first three had gone so well, you had high hopes for the last. Rami’s family lived in Sherman Oaks. Most of his extended family was in Egypt, so - like Gwilym’s hometown - you would just be meeting his parents and his siblings. You were a bit nervous going in, since he had mentioned that his sister was protective.

All nerves melted away when you saw him. You surged forward to get to him and planted an enthusiastic kiss on him. He laughed into it, and held you tight.

“I’m so glad to see you,” he said.

“I’m glad to see you too!” you returned.

“I know you’re familiar with Los Angeles, so I wasn’t sure what we could do today,” he said. “But I thought of just a tour of where I grew up.”

“That’s perfect,” you said. “The whole idea is to get to know you better.”

“Awesome, let’s get started!”

For your tour of Rami’s corner of Los Angeles, you had scooters. They were ridiculously fun, even though frightening at first. Rami took you all over Sherman Oaks. He showed you his high school, where a few big name actors had also attended. He took you around his neighborhood, pointing out houses where his friends once lived, and the times they had together. You stopped at a park, where you got some ice cream and sat on a bench together.

“So, it seems like you enjoyed growing up here,” you said.

“I did,” he replied hesitantly.

You frowned. “What is it?”

“Y’know, growing up here was amazing,” he said. “But after 9/11, things changed. People say California is so progressive and welcoming, but after that happened, my family was treated differently, even here.”

“I’m so sorry,” you said, taking his hand. “That’s terrible.”

“We stopped speaking Arabic in public,” he said. “We tried even harder to assimilate. My father took down the Egyptian flag we used to hang outside. Even though we aren’t Muslim...or from the country that attacked that day...we were Middle Eastern enough for people to suddenly suspect us.”

“I don’t even know what to say,” you told him. “That’s just...horrible. And so brutally unfair.”

“It is,” he said. “Eventually, things settled down again, and our neighbors warmed back up. But it was never really the same. In school, I always felt like I was struggling. Having to tell people how to pronounce my name, only to have them butcher it or say it with some offensive accent. It wasn’t easy.”

He took a deep breath.

“But I’m really proud of my heritage,” he said. “I am Egyptian. No matter the generation or where I grew up. It’s part of me.”

“That’s beautiful, Rami,” you said. “You should be proud.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” he replied. “I just wanted to tell you this because my hometown isn’t all great memories. Parts of growing up were very difficult for me. And I wanted you to understand.”

“Believe me, I’m glad to listen to every part of how you grew up,” you said. “The good, the bad, and the ugly. I want to support you and help you through it.”

“You’re amazing,” he said.

“You’re even more so,” you returned.

You kissed him with a smile.

You didn’t stay out too much longer before you headed to his parents’ home. It was a decent sized suburban house, and you hoped his mother would appreciate the flowers. Rami told you to skip the wine because his parents didn’t drink. Out of respect for their home, you decided you would not partake while there. Rami told you how much he appreciated it.

When you walked up to the door, you gulped. You were always nervous right before meeting them. Then Rami kissed your cheek swiftly before opening the door.

As soon as you were into the foyer, Rami’s brother crashed into him.

“Rami!” he cried, engulfing him into a hug.

Though he and his brother were twins, they had their distinctions. Rami was slimmer and just an inch or two shorter. Sami was broader with a more relaxed air about him.

“Oh, this must be Y/N,” Sami said as he released his brother. “I’m Sami. It’s nice to meet you.”

You shook his hand. “Nice to meet you too.”

“Sami, are they -” Rami’s sister, Jasmine, came into the hall and stopped herself. “They are!”

She went to Rami and hugged him similarly to Sami. His parents appeared behind their daughter and grinned at the sight. You went over to them and offered the flowers.

“For you, Mrs. Malek,” you said.

She grinned. “Thank you, Y/N.”

His father also shook your hand before calling his children back with him to the kitchen. Mrs. Malek, whose name was Nelly, put the flowers into a vase. Mr. Malek, whose name was Said, checked on something in the oven which smelled delicious. You told him so and they thanked you.

“So, how’s it been so far?” Sami asked. “Been anywhere exciting?”

“We’ve been to Asheville, North Carolina,” Rami said. “Then we went to London.”

“Oh, I love London,” Jasmine interjected.

“It was amazing,” Rami told her. “And after that we went to Killarney, Ireland.”

“How fun!” Nelly said.

“We had a great time in Killarney,” you said, looking fondly at Rami and recalling your magical one on one date.

“It was beautiful,” Rami agreed. “Especially the company.”

He put his arm around your shoulders and squeezed you as you giggled. You caught a disgusted look on Jasmine’s face, which discouraged you. You had the sense that she would take a while to warm up to you. Unfortunately, you only had one evening to change her mind.

Rami’s parents were incredibly kind. His mother was already teaching you some Arabic as you helped her prepare more food. It was just simple words here and there, but she told you that you were doing a great job. Meanwhile, Rami spoke to his siblings in the living room.

“Rami, I hate to be the wet blanket here,” Jasmine said. “But what are you doing?”

“Enjoying an evening with my girlfriend and family,” he replied. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve known this girl barely two months,” she continued. “All while she’s been dating thirty other men.”

“I know what I signed up for,” he said.

“I still don’t understand why you even signed up,” she snapped.

“Hey, calm down,” Sami said. “Love happens in crazy ways. Who's to say this isn’t how it’s meant to work out for Rami?”

“Because it’s ridiculous,” Jasmine said. “How can she really love you if she is also falling in love elsewhere? And what about your career?”

“What about it?” Rami demanded.

“Don’t you think you should wait for marriage and a family until you’ve established yourself more as an actor?” she wondered. “This is a huge commitment.”

“We’ve talked about it,” he said. “She knows that we could balance it.”

“Probably not the way she’s thinking,” she said. “I saw her on the last season. This girl is ready to settle down properly. Is that something you want?”

“We can talk more about it,” Rami said. “Right now, all I need for you to do is be my sister and support me.”

“I am doing that,” she said. “And one day, you’ll see just how much.”

With that, she swept from the room. Rami scowled.

“She’s making some good points, Rami,” Sami said.

“No, she isn’t,” Rami argued. “This is something Y/N and I have already discussed and worked out.”

Sami sighed. “Alright then.”

Dinner was ready within the next few minutes. It went smoothly. You liked Rami’s family and the way they interacted. Teasing and fun, but with lots of love. Rami was clearly the apple of his mother’s eye especially.

When dinner was over, Jasmine asked to speak to you. You were glad for the chance because you wanted to be close to her if it was you and Rami at the end of this. Together, you went out to the back porch and took seats on the cushioned wicker furniture.

“Y/N, I want to start by saying that I don’t have a problem with you personally, but this process makes no sense to me,” she began.

“I understand that,” you said. “It’s difficult for lots of people to understand unless you’re in it. But it’s just a way for people to find love. Like any dating app or even the traditional stuff. It just happens to be on TV as well.”

“But the expectation is not traditional,” Jasmine said. “The idea is to get engaged after just two months.”

“It seems fast, but believe me, the feelings are real,” you told her. “What I feel for Rami...that’s real. Whether other people understand it or not.”

“But you also have real feelings for three other men,” she pointed out.

That stung. You understood why the families were concerned about this. They didn’t want their loved one to be the one to get hurt. But this was the process that you all signed up for, and you were growing tired of this being thrown in your face.

“I do,” you said. “But every relationship is different.”

“So, tell me what you and Rami have discussed about life outside of this,” she said. “You know he wants to be an actor.”

“He already is an actor,” you replied. “We’ve talked about how we would balance schedules with each other and if we have children.”

Jasmine sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Then she looked at you, a hard expression in her eyes.

“Rami is ambitious about his acting career,” she said. “Now isn’t the time for him to be getting married and starting a family.”

You wanted to flare up and scream at her, but you held back.

“Don’t you think that’s something Rami should decide for himself?” you countered.

“Y/N, listen to me,” she said. “I’m not saying this to be a bitch. I’m saying this for both your sakes. Let’s say this goes well and you and Rami get engaged. If you have to wait for his acting career to take off before you can be a mother, you are going to resent him. If he sacrifices his aspirations in order to stay where he is and be with you, he is going to resent you. He’s not ready.”

“Why would he come on this show if he’s not ready?” you challenged, trying not to let her words take root in your heart. But you couldn’t deny the truth of them.

“Probably because - like anyone - he does want love,” she said. “But he’s not ready for the commitment you want from him.”

You let that sink in. Tears welled up in your eyes. You were still falling in love with Rami, and hated the thought of saying goodbye to him.

“Excuse me,” you said, getting up from your seat.

You walked out into the yard and around the side of the house, sniffling. A tear slid down your cheek. This was the last thing you expected from his family. For them to tell you that even if you and Rami love each other, these things would get in the way. It hurt so much to hear because Jasmine was right. You were afraid of resentment building if either of you had to wait for your dreams.

“Hey.”

You turned and saw Rami standing there, a little winded and looking concerned.

“What did she say?” he demanded when he saw you crying.

You broke down and told him. He heaved a sigh and pulled you into his arms.

“Y/N, don’t listen to that,” he said. “We can figure out how to plan our lives after an engagement. We don’t have to get married and have kids right away, we’ve got a lot of time.”

You pushed him away.

“Is that what you think I want?” you asked. “To just be indefinitely engaged? Without a plan? To basically be dating each other after this?”

“No, I’m sorry,” he said. “I understand you want a serious commitment, and I’m willing to give that to you if I have to.”

“If you have to?” you questioned. “Rami, I need someone who really, really wants that. I’m upset because I think Jasmine is right. We don’t want the same things going back into the world after all this.”

His eyes filled with tears too. “I want you, Y/N. I love you.”

You blinked and looked at the ground. “I don’t know if that’s enough.”

He sucked in a sharp breath at your words, and you couldn’t look at him.

“So...what do we do?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” you whispered.

You stood there a brief moment, wondering where to go from here.

“I’m not ready to say goodbye,” you said.

“I’m not either,” he said.

“At least we can agree on that,” you said with a humorless laugh.

Another beat passed.

“I need to go,” you said. “I have a lot to think about.”

“Y/N, please…” he trailed off.

“I’m sorry,” you said. “I just have to go.”

With that, you walked out to the front of the house. You couldn’t say goodbye to his family like this, not when you were falling apart. Alone, you went to the car that was waiting for you and climbed into the back seat, closing the door behind you. As you pulled away, you looked into the camera.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” you said. “I really just don’t know.”

The next day, you woke still conflicted. You had a rose ceremony that night, and you had to decide who to send home. Rami’s hometown date had been the least successful, but it opened your eyes to what might happen if you went down this road with him. But you also felt confused about Joe because of the moment before you left and he didn’t tell you he loved you. But Gwilym hadn’t either. The only one you were sure was getting a rose so far was Ben. His family was sweet, and you had no doubts about where you stood with him. You were absolutely ready to move forward with that relationship. The others...you had to consider and weigh your options.

You were meeting the men back at the Bachelor Mansion, where the journey began. Chris stood out front, where you had been night one to meet the men. The remaining four were arriving one by one before going into the rose ceremony.

Joe was the first to arrive. He smiled at Chris as he walked up to shake his hand.

“Joe, how are you?” Chris asked politely.

“I’m feeling pretty good,” Joe answered. “I think my hometown could have ended better, but I hope that’s not enough to lose a rose tonight.”

“Well, good luck, my friend,” Chris said. “Go ahead inside.”

“Thanks,” Joe replied.

He walked through the house and into the courtyard. He stood to one side and looked at the little table with just three roses on it.

Rami arrived next. He couldn’t smile just yet.

“Rami, how’re you doing?” Chris asked.

“I’m anxious,” Rami said. “Things didn’t go well on the hometown date and I...I wish I had more time to talk to her before all this.”

“If the connection is there, she knows how to move forward,” Chris said. “Go ahead inside and good luck.”

“Thank you, Chris,” Rami said.

He followed Joe’s path. He finally grinned when he saw Joe and the two embraced. Then Rami spotted the roses and swallowed, wondering if he would get one.

Ben was third to arrive. He had a wide smile on his face.

“What’s up, buddy?” Chris asked as they shook hands and clapped each other on the shoulder. “You look happy.”

“I am happy,” Ben said. “I think things went really well, so I’m feeling confident about tonight.”

“That’s great to hear,” Chris said. “Go ahead inside and best of luck to you.”

“Thank you,” Ben replied.

He walked into the courtyard and he was pleased to see Joe and Rami already there. He gave them both quick hugs before taking his place in line.

Finally, Gwilym arrived. He straightened his tie as he stepped out of the limo and approached Chris.

“Gwilym, how are you?” Chris asked as they shook hands.

“I’m nervous,” Gwil admitted. “But I think everything went well enough. I just hope she feels the same way I do.”

“I hope so too,” Chris said. “Go ahead in and good luck.”

“Thank you so much,” Gwilym returned.

He too made his way to the courtyard, where the other three men stood. They all embraced him when he arrived, but quickly resumed their spots. Things had changed between them now that it was more serious. They all considered each other friends, and they respected one another, but there was some tension now. They waited.

You were the last one to get there. As you walked into the courtyard in your gown, you took a deep breath. You had made up your mind, but now you had to go through with it. You were going to hurt someone you cared a lot about - someone you loved - and that was never easy.

“Hi,” you said meekly as you looked at the four men before you. “Thank you all for being so gracious and allowing me to meet the important people in your life. I felt truly honored. I got a glimpse into what the future would be like with each of you, and it really helped me see who has the most potential to be my husband.”

Rami hung his head at these words. Then he looked at you again as you picked up the first rose.

“Ben,” you said.

He let out a sigh and walked up to you.

“Ben, will you accept this rose?” you asked.

“I will,” he replied.

You pinned it to his jacket. You picked up the second.

“Gwilym,” you called.

His body relaxed at the sound of his name and then he approached you.

“Gwilym, will you accept this rose?”

“Of course I will.”

You pinned it on and he kissed your cheek before returning to his spot. Your heart began to pound inside your chest. Chris came out and put a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“Y/N, gentlemen,” he said. “This is the final rose tonight. Whenever you’re ready.”

He let go and you inhaled deeply. The exhale was slow and shaky. With a trembling hand, you picked up the last rose. You looked at Rami and you looked at Joe. Your eyes watered.

“Joe,” you choked out.

Joe’s relief was written all over his face as he walked over to you.

“Joe, will you accept this rose?” you asked, trying to keep your voice even.

“I will, Y/N, thank you,” he replied.

He had to help you put it on since your hands were so unsteady. Then he gave you a quick hug before returning to his spot.

“Rami, I’m sorry,” Chris said. “Take a moment, say your goodbyes.”

Rami was shaken. He had hoped that you could move past what Jasmine said and work through those issues together. Especially since you told him you weren’t ready to say goodbye. And here you were, saying it anyway.

He gave short hugs to the remaining men, who all whispered some words of comfort to him. Then he slowly walked to you. You had tears streaming steadily down your face. You tried to inhale, but you were short of breath.

“Can I - can I walk you out?” you asked through a sob.

“Yeah,” he said gently.

You took his hand and started back inside the mansion to exit through the front door. When you got to the driveway, you stopped and sat him down on a bench.

“I’m so sorry, Rami,” you whimpered. “I just...I don’t ever want to hold you back. You’re so talented and you’ve got so much to give, and I never want to stand in your way.”

“I don’t think you would…” he said.

Rami was numb. He still could hardly believe it was ending.

“I would,” you sobbed. “I want to settle down and have someone who comes home every night to me and the kids, y’know? And with what you want out of your life, that could never be us. As much as I care about you…”

He blinked and you saw a tear roll down his cheek slowly.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said.

“I love you too, Rami,” you replied. “But that kind of love isn’t enough to have a successful marriage between people as different as we are.”

A beat passed and you sniffled again.

“I want you to know that you’re amazing,” you said. “My feelings for you are so deep and so real, and that’s why this hurts so much. You deserve a successful career and someone who can be there for you through it. But that’s just not me.”

“I understand,” he said.

He began to move, as if suddenly gaining feeling back in his limbs.

“This is where we say goodbye, then,” he said.

“Goodbye, Rami,” you returned.

He hugged you. You held him for a moment, but you knew you had to let him go.

“When you win an Oscar, I’ll be cheering for you,” you teased, forcing a smile through your tears.

He chuckled halfheartedly. “Thanks. Bye, Y/N.”

“Bye,” you breathed.

With that, he opened the door and climbed in. You closed it and watched the tail lights disappear through the gate. You let out one final sob and dabbed at your eyes.

Rami, once inside the car, put his head in his hands and tried to breathe. He released a small whine, but kept his face covered. Then he took a deep breath and moved his hands to wipe his face.

“God,” he sighed. “I’m...I hate this. I really wanted to be with her and I hate that she couldn’t see a future anymore. F**k.”

He paused.

“I still love her.”

Back at the mansion, you had your makeup touched up before returning to the three men you had left. Your nose still ran and bit, and your eyes were still red and puffy, but you went to them anyway. They offered sympathetic smiles as you walked up.

“So, um,” you began, voice shaking again. “That was really difficult. But, I really am happy to be moving forward with all of you.”

Joe handed you a glass of champagne. They all already held one.

“Next week is a big week,” you said. “It’s fantasy suites, and where we’re going really is a fantasy.”

“Where is it?” wondered Ben.

“Gentlemen, we are going to New Zealand!”

They cheered and toasted to that. You hoped you were ready for the overnight dates. But you looked at the faces of each of these men and smiled. You were ready. You absolutely trusted them with your heart.

113 notes · View notes

hopeisour4letteredword · 4 years

Text

innocent bones ch2

Summary: Apollo gets a wake-up call in a few ways. It’s okay, though--he’s got best-friend backup.

Link to AO3 in the notes.

“Goood morning, sunshine!”

“Blrgh,” Apollo says, more to his pillow than Clay. He rolls over and pulls the blankets over his head.

“Oh, are we grouchy this morning? I can drink both of these by myself if you wanna be left alone.”

Apollo peeks out from the covers warily. Clay dangles an iced drink in a plastic café cup tantalizingly over the bed. The morning is already hot, and only promises to get hotter; Apollo knows by the time he has proper clothes on, he’ll want something cold and sweet. He sighs and kicks the sheets aside, stretching.

“Why are you in my apartment?”

“Why were you sleeping with one sock on?”

Apollo looks down. Sure enough, he still has on the sock he’d yanked on at three in the morning. “...Fuck me.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Clay says, batting his eyelashes, then cackles as Apollo swings a pillow at him and chases him around the room. When they reach the kitchenette, Clay successfully diverts his attention to a small paper bag of baked goods. Apollo allows him to exchange the pillow for a chocolate croissant. “To answer your question, I’m here to chill with my best friend on my day off, like we’ve been planning for, oh, the last three weeks?”

Shit. That’s right. Apollo scrubs the crust of sleep from his eyes, shoulders slumping. “Sorry. I remember now.”

Clay smiles easily and slides him the drink. Apollo sips. Peachy oolong tea with lemonade. “No harm, no foul. Seriously, though. Why the sock?”

“I had the most surreal fucking night,” Apollo says, and tells him about it. Clay starts laughing uproariously as soon as he mentions the teeth. He doesn’t stop until Apollo concludes with Prosecutor Debeste’s intervention.

“Oh, man,” Clay chuckles, wiping at the corners of his eyes. “How does this shit happen to you?”

“If I knew, don’t you think I would try to stop it?”

“I don’t know, would you?” Clay smirks maddeningly and bites into his muffin. Through a mouthful of crumbs, he drawls, “I’m sure you suffered so much with a handsome man vying for your attention.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, you disgusting goblin.”

“Ach, Herr Forehead,” Clay says, in the worst fake German accent Apollo has ever heard. “When I’m sad and lonely, you’re the first one I think of to cheer me up. Oh, how I wish you were here with me—“

Apollo seizes the pillow again. Clay rushes to get a grip on it before he can take a swing. They struggle for control until they both tip out of their chairs and go crashing to the hard, unforgiving linoleum floor in a heap.

“Ow,” Clay says. “Huh. I’ve had more exciting tumbles.”

“And Mr. Starbuck trusts you to pilot a rocket with him,” Apollo scoffs, feeling a bit ow himself.

“Please, I’m much nicer to Mr. Starbuck than I am to you, I don’t have to worry about fighting with him.”

They attempt to sit up. Clay somehow maneuvers their tangled limbs apart without injury to either of them. Apollo moves to stand, but Clay slings his legs across Apollo’s own before he can go anywhere.

“Hey,” Clay says, low and serious. “For real. You okay? You didn’t have any new nightmares because of all that, did you?”

Apollo winces. “...No.”

“What was that face for?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re an awful liar and you know it.” Clay frowns, concern creasing his brow. “You can tell me anything. You know that, right? You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. But I’m here for you, dude.”

“I know, space cadet. Calm down.”

“Alright, alright.”

Clay moves his legs out of the way. It’s Apollo’s turn to interrupt him before he can rise by dropping his head onto Clay’s shoulder.

“Worse than a nightmare,” he mutters.

“What? What’s worse than a nightma—oh, my God,” Clay gasps. “You had a sex dream?!”

“WH—NO!”

“MY BABY BOY IS GROWING UP!”

“I DID NOT HAVE A SEX DREAM!”

Apollo tries to smack him. Clay catches his hand and wrestles him into a headlock.

“The most important thing to remember is that this is a normal part of puberty,” Clay says, solemnly, even as Apollo shrieks with dismay. “Every growing boy—“

“I WILL KICK YOUR ASS.”

“Like you could? Alright, sunshine, let’s hear it. What’s worse than a nightmare, aside from a sex dream?”

“I don’t want to tell you anymore,” Apollo says, sulkily, voice muffled by Clay’s arm.

“Come on, don’t be like that.” Clay pats his head with his free hand. Apollo grumbles some more. “Is it really that embarrassing?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, then it’s about feelings.”

“Wh—how did you—I mean, what makes you think that?!” Real smooth, Justice. Apollo can feel the hot flush of mortification on his face.

“Honestly, dumbass, how long have we been friends? You think I don’t know how your brain works as well as you know mine?”

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Yeah, you’re busy saving all your affection for Klav—ow! Don’t hit me!”

“Shut up! God.”

“You know you get to have a crush, right? That’s normal and okay.”

“I don’t want to have a crush,” Apollo moans, hopelessly. Clay finally releases him from the headlock so he takes the opportunity to bury his face in his hands. He hates catching feelings. He always blows it somehow. It doesn’t help that they never have these conversations anywhere less weird than the kitchen floor. “He’s my colleague. I need to be professional. Our working relationship is too important for me to fuck this up.”

“He got lonely while he was high on painkillers and called you at three AM and you’re still going on about professionalism?”

“It sounds stupid when you say it like that.”

“That’s because it is stupid.”

“Your face is stupid.”

“I’m serious, man. Like, if you wanted concrete evidence that he considers you a friend outside of your working relationship, it just got handed to you on a silver platter. There’s no way you’re the first friend he’s ever had that’s been a little into him.”

“...I guess that’s true.”

“Who knows? Maybe he’s a little into you too.”

Apollo gives him an incredulous look.

“It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing to happen to you in the last year, that’s all I’m saying! And he has an awful lot of nice things to say about you for a courtroom rival.”

“We’re not rivals,” Apollo says, mostly on automatic. Clay ruffles his hair as they clamber to their feet.

“Sure, sure. Hey, speaking of things he has to say, has he said anything to you this morning?”

“How should I know? Somebody bullied me out of bed and I left my phone behind.”

“I’ll go get it, you eat breakfast.”

Apollo finishes his croissant. After a moment, Clay tosses his phone at him.

“Do I really have to check it right now?”

“If you’re gonna be such a big baby about it, I can check it for you.”

“Ugh. No, fine, I’ll look.”

Klavier Gavin, 9:04am

hey, i just wanted to apologize for last night. i hope i didn’t scare you too badly. i remember you saying i owed you one, so let me know if you come up with a way i can apologize.

Apollo lets out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Clay makes a questioning sound and a grabby hand gesture. Apollo passes his phone over, obligingly, and steals a chunk of Clay’s muffin while he reads it for himself.

“Totally normal,” Clay says. “See? It’s fine. You’re fine.”

“I’m fine,” Apollo echoes. He takes his phone back and sips absentmindedly at his iced tea as he types.

Apollo Justice, 10:38am

I’m going to change your contact name to “Teeth Theft Victim.”

How’s your mouth this morning?

Klavier Gavin, 10:39am

HF no :(

not the worst. definitely not as bad as it was last night!

i had some painkillers when i got up. mostly just feels a little weird rn

Apollo Justice, 10:41am

That sounds about right.

Klavier Gavin, 10:42am

did you get back to sleep okay?

Apollo Justice, 10:43am

Yeah, I’m fine.

Klavier Gavin, 10:43am

you’re always fine, HF ;P

Apollo Justice, 10:44am

I bet you think you’re clever.

I got plenty of sleep. Don’t worry.

Klavier Gavin, 10:45am

i am sincerely sorry though. seriously, let me know if i can make it up to you somehow

“Do I actually seem angry?” Apollo asks Clay, mystified. Clay peers over his shoulder at the message thread. “He didn’t really do anything wrong, considering his mental state at the time. I’m not trying to be brusque with him.”

“Tell him to take you out for coffee,” Clay says.

“What? Why? Where did that come from?”

Apollo Justice, 10:47am

All you have to do is not call me at 3AM saying ominous things without context again.

I know this is a terribly high bar to meet, but I have faith that you’ll rise to the occasion.

Klavier Gavin, 10:48am

you really thought i was actively dying, didn’t you?

were you actually on your way out the door?

Apollo Justice, 10:49am

I thought you had gotten roofied. Of course I was on my way out the door.

Klavier Gavin, 10:50am

my knight in shining armor ;)

“TELL HIM TO TAKE YOU OUT FOR COFFEE,” Clay yells, aggressively shaking Apollo by the shoulder. Apollo yelps and almost drops his phone.

“He’s always like this! It doesn’t mean anything!”

“I WILL DO IT MYSELF.”

“Do what yourself?! Take him out for coffee?! Fine! I hope you’re very happy together!”

“God, and you mean it, too. You’re hopeless, AJ. No game at all. Give me your phone.”

“NO!”

Apollo Justice, 10:52am

awerrttrtrtFSDFFG

Klavier Gavin, 10:52am

?? HF??

Apollo Justice, 10:53am

BRB

Have tio kickmny friendsd ass

Apollo does not kick Clay’s ass, because Clay has fifty pounds of muscle on him and Apollo hasn’t gotten in a real fight since he was a middle schooler, but he damn well tries. It’s the effort that counts. Maybe. Hopefully.

Apollo Justice, 11:12am

COFFREERE

Klavier Gavin, 11:14am

??????

Apollo Justice, 11:15am

TAKE HIM OUT TO COFFEE

Klavier Gavin, 11:16am

who am i speaking to??

Apollo Justice, 11:17am

DONT QWORRT ABT UT

Klavier Gavin, 11:18am

i’m a little worried about it

is Herr Justice okay??

Apollo Justice, 11:18am

YEA HES FINE

IM BULLYING HIMN

Klavier Gavin, 11:20am

that doesn’t sound very fine

Apollo Justice, 11:21am

I am so fucking sorry.

Klavier Gavin, 11:21am

are you alright?

Apollo Justice, 11:23am

I’m fine.

I’m with a friend right now and he decided to be obnoxious.

Klavier Gavin, 11:24am

by which i suppose you

mean he stole your phone

Klavier Gavin, 11:25am

That and putting me in a headlock.

Klavier Gavin, 11:25am

Apollo Justice, 11:26am

I’m fine, honestly. We roughhouse all the time.

It’s mostly my pride that hurts.

“Bet you ten bucks he offers to kiss it better,” Clay says, slurping obnoxiously at the dregs of his iced tea. As winner’s spoils, he has retained eavesdropping privileges. Textdropping? Wiretapping? Fuck it, Apollo doesn’t know.

“He will not,” Apollo says, through gritted teeth, valiantly attempting to suppress the red-hot surge of embarrassment to his cheeks.

Klavier Gavin, 11:28am

well then, we all know you’ll survive that one :P

Apollo Justice, 11:30am

Ouch. Rub more salt in the wound, why don’t you?

“You owe me ten bucks,” Apollo announces.

“You motherfucker, you didn’t even take the bet!”

“It was implied! You would have made me give you ten dollars.”

Clay grudgingly pulls out his wallet and gives Apollo a five, three ones, and a fistful of change. He hands it over way too fast to have figured out how much the change is worth, but then Clay is actually good at numbers shit, so maybe he did. Anyway, Apollo cares more about the principle of the exchange than receiving exactly ten dollars.

Klavier Gavin, 11:31am

i prefer to think of it as a salve to help you heal faster

Apollo Justice, 11:32am

By making fun of me?

Klavier Gavin, 11:33am

by reminding u that u can pull through these hard times!

Apollo Justice, 11:34am

Sure.

Klavier Gavin, 11:35am

but hey, for real. do you want to go out for coffee sometime?

“YES,” Clay hollers, victoriously. Apollo wants to curl up under the table and die of mortification.

“I can’t believe you. He thinks he has to do this because I got inconvenienced last night. This is stupid, Clay, why would you do this to us?”

“Because,” Clay says, “He flirts with you, constantly, and you’re who he calls at three AM when he’s in pain and he wants to talk to someone to distract him, and you have a crush that can be seen from space. It’s my job as your best friend.”

“It’s really not.”

“Uh-huh. Tell the nice man you’ll go out for coffee with him.”

Apollo Justice, 11:39am

You really don’t have to take me out just because of what happened last night.

Clay was being absurd.

Klavier Gavin, 11:41am

okay, sure, i understand

but do you WANT to?

Apollo Justice, 11:42am

I mean. Yeah.

If you’re sure.

Klavier Gavin, 11:43am

i’m positive :)

Apollo Justice, 11:44am

Then coffee would be cool.

“Cool,” Clay echoes. “God, AJ, you’re a mess. I love you so much. Cool, he says, when the actual rockstar asks him out on a date.”

“You bullied the rockstar into asking me on a date,” Apollo snaps, red-faced.

“I didn’t do a damn thing to him except offer a suggestion. He didn’t get put in a headlock.”

Klavier Gavin, 11:45am

Großartig! i have a meeting tomorrow afternoon, but perhaps tuesday?

Apollo Justice, 11:46am

Tuesday is fine.

What time? Where are we going?

Klavier Gavin, 11:48am

let’s say 3pm? and it’s a surprise ;)

Apollo Justice, 11:49am

I won’t be footing the bill if you drag me out to some weird, fancy upscale tea bar.

Klavier Gavin, 11:50am

nein, don’t be ridiculous. it’s my treat

“Ooh, what a gentleman!”

“Can’t you stop reading over my shoulder and let me set this up in peace now?!”

“No, I just scored you a date and you elbowed me very hard in the stomach earlier. I earned this.”

Apollo Justice, 11:52am

Does that mean it IS a weird, fancy upscale tea bar?

Klavier Gavin, 11:53am

actually it means i haven’t decided yet

Apollo Justice, 11:54am

Ah. Foolish me, then.

How am I supposed to get there if it’s a surprise?

Klavier Gavin, 11:55am

oh, you can just meet me at my office and i’ll drive us there

...unless you’re still afraid of my motorcycle? :P

Apollo Justice, 11:58am

I’m not afraid.

But you better have a second helmet.

Klavier Gavin, 12:00pm

don’t i always, Schatz?

“You go on his motorcycle?” Clay says, outraged and oblivious while Apollo can feel himself going scarlet from the roots of his hair all the way down to his collar. “This is so unfair. You’ll barely get in a car with me, and you’re terrified of motorcycles. How long did it take you to realize you like this guy again?”

Through gritted teeth, Apollo says, “You drive like you’re trying to die young, and Klavier is the only person I know who consistently follows every single traffic law to the letter.”

“Sounds like—“

“Also, we work together, and basically every time I’ve gotten a ride from him has been to or from case-relevant locations.”

“—Like excuses to me. What does Schatz mean, anyway?”

“I don’t know,” Apollo lies. Clay’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. He’s not that oblivious, then.

“Uh-huh.”

Apollo Justice, 12:04pm

I guess so.

Klavier Gavin, 12:05pm

so tuesday at 3pm, meeting at my office, then?

Apollo Justice, 12:06pm

Works for me.

I have to go, I’m supposed to be hanging out with Clay today. But I’ll see you Tuesday?

Klavier Gavin, 12:09pm

tuesday it is! i can’t wait to see you ;)

and tell your friend i said danke, ja?

Apollo Justice, 12:11pm

Thanks, he wasn’t already being insufferable enough.

“Oh I’m the fucking best,” Clay says, gleefully. Apollo tries to hide a smile, but it’s pointless. Clay has already thrown an arm around his shoulders to squeeze him in a tight side-hug. “Who is the best friend in the whole wide world who probably just got you laid?”

“Clay.”

“Remember this when I’m done with my mission and I have time to date again, okay? I expect equally enthusiastic wing-manning from you.”

“You have literally never needed me to wingman for you,” Apollo says, with fond exasperation. “Besides, what happened to that alien boyfriend you keep insisting you’ll come back with?”

“Well, maybe he’ll only be my alien work-friend when I come back, and I’ll need my dear friend to help me push past my misconceptions about professionalism to find true love.”

“Good grief,” Apollo says, as the blush that had been steadily dying down on his face flares back to life. “True love? It’s one coffee date. Slow it on down.”

Clay opens his mouth, probably with the intent to say more wild shit about Apollo’s upcoming date (a date! With Klavier! Is Apollo still in a weird exhaustion-induced feelings dream?), so Apollo hurriedly jumps in to say, “So how did you want to spend your day off? Video games? Movies?”

“I want to kick your ass at Smash Bros,” Clay says.

“I think we can arrange that.”

“Almost as easily as we just arranged—“

“Pushing your luck, Terran.”

“I learned that from the very best,” Clay says, nudging Apollo’s shoulder with his own with a fond grin. Apollo can’t help but smile back.

“I guess you did.”

#klapollo #Klavier Gavin #apollo justice #clay terran #ace attorney #long post

67 notes · View notes

pandawritespoorly · 4 years

Text

With Time: Chapter 38 - It’s Not Defamation If It’s True

Author’s Note: Who's ready for Gabriel getting his comeuppance?!?!?!

Settle down children, excitement and righteous fury is no excuse to forget your manners. Now get your snacks and get comfortable.

I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Summary: Gabriel underestimates the power of teenagers who care for their friend.

Edit: Whoops! I didn't check my comments in the doc! Strong language warning! "fucking"

First | Previous | Next

Marinette knows it’s spring because she wakes up easily. It’s always easier to wake up during spring, and, given her energy, it can be harder to rest.

She suspects Tikki is already up, enjoying the sun on the balcony. At the thought, the girl scrambles to get ready so she can enjoy the weather.

She’s done in record time, grabbing her phone as she joins Tikki.

Kid Mime: good morning my faithful fair funny fast fancy festive fizzy funky friends

Melodie: ‘Fizzy’?

Kid Mime: i ran out of f adjectives

Felix: You already had seven without that one.

The Mom Friend: i think you did great

The Mom Friend 10/10 wood read again

Kid Mime: yay!!

Patisserie Princess: hiiiiii!!!!!!!

Kid Mime: wats this????

Kid Mime: mari up??

Melodie: With time to text too!

Patisserie Princess: yep

Patisserie Princess: its spring!!!!!

The Mom Friend: any of ur flowers blooming yet

Patisserie Princess: not yet

Patisserie Princess: but soon. i can feel it

Felix: That will certainly be exciting.

Patisserie Princess: it will be!!!!!!!

Patisserie Princess: (◕ᴗ◕✿)

Patisserie Princess: k im heading out now!!!!!!!

Kid Mime: byeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Melodie: See you soon!

“Alright, let’s go, Tikki!” Marinette hops up from her chair, giving Tikki a moment to hide in her purse before hurrying downstairs. She shouts goodbye to her parents as she heads to school.

It’s so sunny, and she’s smiling wide. Today is a good day.

She arrives at school in what must be record time. She spots Allan and Claude walking into the building together and joins them.

“Hi!!!” Marinette chirps.

“Hey, ‘Nette. Good to see you so early,” Allan greets her.

Claude throws their arms in the air. “Marinette! Our sunshine has arrived!!”

“Adrien is our sunshine,” she corrects.

“Hmm.” Claude pretends to think this over. “This is a conundrum.”

“You’re a star,” Allan suggests.

“Yes!! Perfect!”

“You guys are stars too!!” Marinette smiles.

Claude strikes a DramaticPose™. “Well, of course I’m a star!”

Allan and Marinette clap appropriately. A few nearby students join in. Claude bows several times.

“Thank you, thank you!”

Marinette throws a flower at him. “Bravo!”

Claude gasps, clutching the flower to his chest. “The fair maiden has chosen me! I have been awarded a flower from our fair lady!”

Marinette curtsies. “‘Tis no trouble to me, my knight.”

“Shall I escort you and your companion to your court?”

“It would be very kind of you sir, I am expecting company from neighboring kingdoms.”

“Then we shall depart at once!”

With Allan and Marinette snickering, Claude leads the pair to the library where Felix and Allegra are calmly sitting at a table.

“Her royal highness, Our Star has arrived! Her meeting place is quieter than the courtyard, so we shall withhold the fanfare! Trumpets on standby!”

The librarian shoots him a grateful look, and Marinette can hear Allegra and Felix sigh in unison at Claude’s antics. Allegra shuts her book and turns. Allan and Marinette are both struggling to muffle their laughter. Claude has a flower behind his ear and leads the two to the table.

“Greetings fair lady Allegra and lord Felix of kingdoms Coudriet and Voclain! I am delighted to inform you that we have been blessed with the presence of Mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng and Monsieur Poirot!”

Allegra and Felix clap quietly.

“So what brought this on?” Felix queries.

“Marinette gave me a flower!” Claude chirps.

“You look great, Claude. Very cute.” Allegra smiles.

“Thanks! I’m gorgeous!” Claude pretends to flip his hair.

“Oh for sure,” Allan agrees. “Model material over here.”

---

The group is on their way out of school when Marinette gets a call. They slow down so she can talk and walk easier.

“Hello?”

They hear shouting on the other end.

“Well, I’m not opposed, but weren’t we-”

The person on the other end interrupts her.

“He is? Well- What do you mean he’s at school?!”

She pauses.

“Since yesterday? Excuse me, but he wasn’t also working?! Ohhh, he’s a dead man,” she growls. “Does he think-?!”

A sharp retort from the other end.

“It was rhetorical, and you didn’t let me finish.” Marinette rolls her eyes.

More talking on the other end, then the call ends.

“‘Just get over here now’” Marinette mimics, then deadpans, “Thanks for the suggestion, I was planning on touring France first.”

“What’s going on?” Claude asks.

Marinette wrinkles her nose, frowning. “That was Chloe, she says we’re doing it now.”

“Like, now? Weren’t we going to like… finalize things?” Allan asks.

“Oh heck yeah! Finally! That man is going down!” Allegra cheers.

“What happened?” Felix frowns.

Claude looks concerned. “Is Adrien okay?”

“No. He’s been crazy sick since yesterday, and Gabriel is making him go about as usual because he’s trying to get as much stuff out as he can to recover from all the backlash recently. We’re stopping by Dupont to bring him to the bakery, then we’re going to call in some favors a little earlier than anticipated.”

“I wish I could punch him. I wish I could punch him multiple times,” Allegra mutters.

---

Marinette leads them up the stairs of Dupont, and though she’s been attending a different school for the majority of the year, everyone there knows to stay out of her way with that look in her eyes.

She’s on the warpath.

At the library, she finds Chloe and Sabrina, with a very tired Adrien who is sleeping on his textbook.

He’s pale, and his face is flushed. He looks shaky and weak, and Marinette’s heart sinks at her kitty in such a state. She goes up to him, crouching beside his chair and running her fingers through his hair.

His eyes open and he squints at her through his half-open lids, his eyes glazed over.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” she whispers. “Want to go home?”

He nods, barely with her, and she runs her fingers through his hair a little more. His eyes slip closed again. She can hear her friends talking behind her, but that doesn’t matter at the moment. He’s purring, but it’s very quiet, and if she didn’t know better, she’d pass it off as just weird breathing from being so sick.

Keeping one hand in his hair, she stands and turns to her friends. “We’re taking him home now, then we can start finishing this.”

They nod, and Allan speaks up, “Who can carry him?”

Marinette just picks him up, which they all accept as an answer. She frowns. “He shouldn’t be this light.”

“Fucking Gabriel,” Allegra and Chloe mutter.

As she carries him outside, she sees Nino give her a relieved smile. He and Adrien may not hang out much anymore, but he still cares about the model.

When they arrive in the designer’s room, Marinette places him gently on the chaise, settling a blanket over him and sitting in front of him.

Chloe pulls down the sheet from Marinette’s ceiling. It’s covered in various sticky notes and lists. There’s phone numbers scattered about, with lines connecting them to other places. A checklist occupies the corner, with various things marked off, all are connected to some other part of the organized mess.

It’s impressive it all fits.

“Felix, Chloe, if either of you need to step out to speak with the lawyers, then go ahead. Sabrina-”

The other girl smiles, waving her off. “I’m already looking it over.”

“Great, thank you,” Marinette nods.

“I can call about the apartment,” Allegra volunteers.

“Good idea. Then I guess-”

Claude puts a hand on her shoulder. “Mari, it’s okay. We know what to do, you can just take care of Adrien right now.”

She sighs, smiling gratefully, and nodding, turning to Adrien. She tunes out the rest of the room, eyes only for her partner. She sees worried green eyes peering out from his overshirt, and waves at the Kwami subtly. The God simply nods at her and burrows closer to his Chosen.

Putting a hand to his forehead, she confirms that he definitely has a fever. She heads to the kitchen, finding the thermometer, and grabbing a glass of water in case he wants it.

Her room is a busy center for the various plans going on, as everyone assigns themselves tasks to complete to get as much done as quickly as they can. The noise level still manages to remain low, as everyone is aware of the model resting.

“Hey,” Marinette whispers, brushing Adrien’s hair out of his face. “Can I get your temperature quick?”

He manages a nod.

She frowns at the number displayed. “Definitely a fever.”

Adrien hums.

“I’d offer you water, but you probably just want to go back to sleep, huh?”

He slow blinks at her, and she smiles softly, returning the look and squeezing his hand quickly while he continues to sleep. She turns around, sitting against the chaise again.

Marinette gets out a laptop, typing furiously as she gets to work as well, emailing the journalists that Nadja had mentioned to her.

Hello! You seem as though you’re a reputable reporter who can help me out! I hate to see people getting away with terrible things, and given the current state of the Agreste brand, this seems like a good time to bring this to light. Attached to this email, you’ll find…

Greetings! I trust you’ll respect my wish to remain anonymous. I understand you specialize in exposés…

I have attached some stories to this email that did not receive the attention they should have. I believe that this could be a good time for a journalist such as yourself to bring them back to light, so that this may receive the attention it deserves…

I’d like to remain anonymous, but I thought you’d be interested…

The Gabriel brand has a history of covering up less than flattering stories, but…

The designer emails tens of reporters, all about a variety of things that Gabriel’s lawyers had gone to great lengths to keep from reaching the mainstream media. The stories range from everything to the treatment of their workers to claims of art theft, to suspicious movement of money, and more. She contacted people from all over, bloggers, to journalists to news anchors, and more than a few people outside of Paris and even France.

She emailed people mentioned in articles, encouraging them to speak out again. She went to relevant online forums and anonymously mentioned that now would be a good time for the brand’s darker secrets to come to like, if anyone was so inclined, and linked to several other news outlets that would likely take the stories.

She sent a variety of emails to big names in the fashion world, feigning hesitance to purchase from them, given their closeness to someone like Gabriel, who is currently so negatively viewed.

The best part is that all the things she’d mentioned were already true. She and her friends had spent weeks looking for the stories and the interviews that had been ignored and conveniently ‘lost’. They were going to find even more, but even if they’re doing this early, internet sleuths will be entirely capable of finding it themselves, which will only lead to further waves.

Marinette was sure to ask for anonymity, or even encourage them to not mention her at all. She used different emails and forms of contact, using different styles of writing and, when contacting someone in a different language, she used different levels of fluency in the language. The people she contacted had little to no connections to each other, and she sent a few emails out on various delays.

Even if people suspected one person had been behind all of these reports coming out at once, they wouldn’t be able to tie it back to her, if they even thought that a group of teenagers could be responsible in the first place. Not that this is defamation.

No, that would imply that all of this is made up - and it’s all very, very true.

Gabriel doesn’t stand a chance.

---

Eventually, the others go home. Marinette had made a call to Nathalie to convince (read: threaten) her into letting Adrien have a sleepover. The woman had the nerve to argue that Adrien ‘is sick and needs to be under proper care’.

As if.

His proper care is never in the hands of Nathalie and Gabriel, no, Marinette is more than willing to take care of him.

He’d slept for most of the day. Even with everyone using her room as a headquarters for both Operation Emancipate Adrien and Operation Gabriel Takedown (it’s just more fun to have names, and it makes it feel a little less sad), he’d been dead to the world. She’s eaten dinner, so now she doesn’t really have much else to do.

Why not email some more people?

She’s in the middle of tracking down an article that could be useful when a hand reaches past her and shuts her laptop.

“Mari. Take a break.”

She turns to see a very tired Adrien awake once more, who is attempting to look reprimanding.

“I don’t need a break! I’m just-”

“Shhhhh.” He puts a finger over her mouth. “Don’t give m’ dumb dad all y’ur energy. Do something fun.”

“I’m not giving him all my energy. I’m just making sure he won’t have anything left to stand on. He’s gotten away with how he’s treated you for too long!” She argues.

“By wasting all your en’rgy on him. You guys have done plenty, don’ worry. Jus’... tell me how your garden’s doin’.”

Her face lights up at the question, and she excitedly describes to him how she has not one, not two, but three new sprouts, and how this plant is already blooming, and how that plant is doing so much better since she figured out that it wasn’t getting as much sun as she thought.

She rambles on and on, and he sinks back against the lounge, watching her happily update him on the state of one of her hobbies.

He loves seeing her smile.

He doesn’t realize he’s purring until she gives him a soft smile, just for him, that warms his heart. She starts scratching his head and continues to inform him about how different bugs are actually beneficial to gardens and different natural ways to keep unwanted bugs off plants without harming the plant or the good bugs.

He just lets her talk. His head still hurts, and he’s most certainly still sick, but this? This is nice.

Marinette notices that Adrien’s kitty kisses are beginning to give way to him struggling to keep his eyes open.

“Sleepy, Kitty?”

He hums.

“I’ll let you sleep.”

He reaches out to her slightly.

“Oh, alright. I guess.”

Feigning annoyance, she moves to sit with him on the chaise, hugging him close as he gets comfortable with the new arrangement. With a giant kitten sleeping and purring next to (and partially on) her, it isn’t long before she drifts off to sleep herself.

---

Author’s Note: So how was that? We'll be seeing it finally come to a close in chapter 40 (It's literally titled emancipation), but that focuses more on Adrien settling in to his new life.

I finished writing the last chapters last night. I'm still in shock I think, just a bit. I'll probably write a goodbye to this fic (because I'm sappy like that), then I can get started on all the events that I didn't write that I've promised to write for you guys. I know I promised Tikki and Plagg's talk after the reveal, as well as at least two or three other things, and, of course, Alya's (and Nino's) apologies to Adrien. I can't remember which events I promised, so please do let me know. (I think I have a few comments of a me listing them, so I may stalk through the comment section).

I know you all want the results to the survey, so you can find those here! (Another reminder that if you're here early, the link won't be there yet and you'll need to refresh the page 💕). I have a survey question that I really like, so after all the chapters I'll give it a one-shot all its own and, yes, it will have a survey that you guys can answer too. The next Dumb Debate will be in chapter 41, in case you were wondering. It's a fun one too.

Another thing to mention now that the story is wrapping up, I've saved scenes that I had to scrap or that went under intense rewrites so for those interested in seeing some deleted scenes, I'll post those the same day as the last chapter (which is an epilogue, and therefore shorter) to give you some extra content then.

Wow, it's weird that we're so close to the end.

Thank you all so much for reading!! Comments and kudos are my lifeblood and I cannot find enough ways to say thank you! Or if you're reading on tumblr, likes and reblogs (or asks, I never really get any) also make my day! Lovely to 'see' you guys and I hope you all have a wonderful day!

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#miraculous ladybug #with time #fanfic #gabriel salt #good friends #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #quantic kids #ml felix #chloe bourgeois #sabrina raincomprix #marinette will end you if you mess with her kitty #gabriel is a terrible parent #sick #poor kitten #just wants to sleep through it

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crystalconjunx · 5 years

Note

Love your writing! Do you think you could do some tfp mega/orion pax nsfw? Im such a sucker for them pre-war 😩

Orion sat comfortably at the small desk Megatronus had found for him as he proofread the gladiator's latest speech.

Today Megatronus was fighting his first offworlder. It wasn't terribly uncommon for offworld mechs to test their mettle in the Pits of Kaon, but Megatronus had only just begun to fight in the upper leagues. He told Orion Pax that he intended to become champion, and Orion had faith that he would succeed. But offworlders in the upper leagues were incredibly dangerous. They had weapons and techniques that even Megatron had yet to encounter.

Normally, Orion insisted on attending such important fights. He couldn't bear to watch Megatronus get hurt. Each of his challengers were deadlier than the next and this offworlder, Killer-watt, would undoubtedly be a nasty fighter— he was a murderer and a snake, known for killing his opponents even in low-level fights.

But this time, Megatronus had asked him to instead begin helping him with his next speech. He insisted that it would be one of his most important ones yet and that Orion needn't worry about today's fight.

The archivist found it difficult to concentrate with the worry that consumed his processors, but he put his all into reading through Megatron's work.

It was full of wonderful, brilliant, world-changing ideas, just as much as his last ones had been. Orion's spark soared in joy as he sat down the datapad. Megatronus was an excellent writer and a revolutionary idealist, and Orion couldn't believe that he was the one who got to help him with his works.

He was finishing his final notes when the door to their suite pinged and two large mechs walked in.

"By the spires!" He shouted in surprise, "What is th- Megatronus? Are you alright?"

The gladiator was leaning heavily upon the frame of Breakdown, one of his brothers-in-arms as the mech gently deposited him onto the side of his berth, handed him a small package, and left.

"Megatronus! What happened? How badly are you hurt?" Orion asked, fretting over the gladiator's frame as laid down. The archivist could see a large, freshly-patched weld on the warrior's left leg and some savage denting along his right arm.

"I'm fine, Orion, though perhaps not in the best shape I've returned. The offworlder certainly proved a challenge. A challenge that I overcame, of course. Although perhaps at no small cost... I did not mean to alarm you, Orion. Knockout has informed me that it will take a few days for my nanites to repair my internal communicators."

"I am sorry that I wasn't there, Megatronus. I should have been. I-" the archivist said, trying to keep his voice calm and his optics clear.

"Don't worry about that, Orion. I asked you to stay home, remember? Did you get the chance to review my writings yet? It's alright if you didn't. I know you tend to worry."

"Of course," Orion said. "I wrote a few notes on my pad for you to check later. I think it will be a wonderful speech, Mega."

Megatronus smiled fondly up at him, but winced when he tried and failed to move his arm. Orion stepped closer and leaned down to kiss him instead.

"Would that I could hold you, my little archivist. You are a gift to me from Primus himself." He sighed miserably. "What I wouldn't give to have your touch. But know that your presence is more than enough, I promise you. I am glad to have you here with me, my love." He assured Orion fondly, giving him the safe, contented smile that the archivist knew was reserved for him and him alone.

"Well, Megatronus..." He began, "I can, I mean we could... If you were interested, maybe I could be the one to touch you?" He finished.

"Oh?" Megatronus asked, cocking an optic ridge at the unexpected offer. "And how might you do that, Pax?"

"W-well, I..."

"Don't explain it, Orion," he growled suddenly. "Show me."

Orion's fans kicked on at the dark excitement laced underneath the command. Either Orion would show him and go through with his idea, or Megatronus would likely risk re-injuring himself to find out.

The whole point of his idea was to prevent that, so he supposed he had no choice. He moved down the end of the berth and climbed up to straddle Megatron's hips.

"This doesn't hurt, does it?" He asked. He had to make sure.

"No, Orion, I'm fine," he said. "I'll tell you if anything hurts."

They both knew that to be a lie, but Orion took comfort in the fact that his hip and thigh plating appeared to be relatively uninjured. He just wouldn't be able to move around much.

"Open your panel?" Orion asked, already opening his own to reveal his own wet valve.

"Orion? Entertaining yourself without me?" Megatronus growled, engines revving as his interface panel shifted open and his spike pressurized between them.

"You left so early this morning, we didn't get a chance to finish what we were doing." Orion answered under the scrutiny of the warrior's optics, turning his head away as energon rushed to his face. "You just looked so handsome in your war paint, I-"

"A discussion for another time," Megatronus interrupted with another revv so fierce it threatened to knock Orion off of him. "Keep going. Please." He begged.

Orion quickly nodded and inched his hips forward— Primus, Megatronus never begged— steadying himself on Megatronus's uninjured waist before lining his valve up with the large spike and finally lowering himself down.

After they first began interfacing, it was a near painfully tight fit. Megatronus took great pleasure in teasing his calipers open, no matter how long it took.

It had paid off. The fit was still tight, but the stretch had become manageable enough that Megatronus no longer needed to worry about breaking him every time they interfaced. He could be harder, faster, rougher.

Now his calipers only twinged a little as each ring gave way to clutch around Megatronus's spike. In less than two kliks, he was fully seated against him.

"Orion, are you alright?" Megatronus asked through sharp, gritted dentae.

"Y-yes, I'm fine."

"Then move," the silver mech demanded with a small, impatient thrust of his hips. He hissed as obvious pain fired into his circuits.

"D-don't, I'll move." Orion promised. "Just hold still, please?" He asked, punctuating the request with the first roll of his hips.

They both groaned in unison. This was Orion's first time on top of Megatronus, and it was wonderful. He could control where and how the spike inside him moved as he raised and dropped his hips.

But this wasn't for him. Not this time.

This was for Megatronus.

He dropped down, bottoming out again and squeezing his calipers around the huge mech's frame. He began following a steady rythym: a few thrusts quick and hard, another set deep and slow and tight, but Orion found himself chasing his own overload before he knew it.

"Mega, Mega, so close-" Orion panted, scrabbling against the gladiator's paneling as he chanted the warrior's name again and again, riding him as fast and hard and he could manage. He had to make Mega overload first. He had to!

Then Megatronus's least damaged arm had managed to reach for him, a silent permission.

It wasn't the same like this, wasn't gentle touching and kissing and soft words, wasn't nearly as good as when Megatronus would come back from a good fight and frag him into the berth for hours until he cried for mercy.

It wasn't the same, but it was enough.

"Megatronus!" He cried, unable to stop his own overload. His calipers cycled down as charge skittered across their frames.

He felt Megatronus's claws on his thigh again, intending to pull him away. He pushed them off and started riding the mech again, drawing out a choked moan from the warrior as his valve began moving over him once again.

Blessedly, it didn't take much longer for Megatronus to reach his own overload. His vents roared as he shouted out Orion's name and fought to keep still against the calipers that clenched down on his spike as he filled the archivist with his transfluid.

Orion slid off of him, quickly closing his panels to prevent making any more of a mess on their berth as he made to get up.

Orion yelped when Megatronus grabbed him again with his less-damaged but still powerful arm and dropped him onto the berth beside him.

"You are too good to me, Orion," he said before pressing a kiss to the smaller mech's helm. "But just wait until I am recovered, my little archivist. I intend to pay you back tenfold."

#valveplug #megop #tfp megop #Megatronus #orion pax #it's about the romance #i am exhausted so don't be surprised if I edit the hell out of this later lo #i got carried away #megatron

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winchesterbrotherstan · 4 years

Text

Supernatural- Faith (1.12)

just look at this boy he was a BABY im :(

Pairing: N/A, Olive Winchester (OC)

Summary: After a hunt gone wrong, Dean’s heart is left failing, and Olive and Sam will stop at nothing to help their brother. Something dangerous about Olive is revealed

Warnings: cursing, blood-lust, screaming, heart failure, etc

Word Count: 7714

“Whatcha got those amped up to?” I asked Dean as he pulled three tasers from Baby's trunk.

“Hundred thousand volts.” Dean grinned.

I blinked. “Shit.”

“Damn.” Sam huffed.

“Yeah, I want this Rawhead extra fricking crispy. And remember, you only get one shot with these things. So make it count.”

Sam and I nodded as we followed him into the house and down the stairs of the basement. There was a noise coming from the cupboard in the corner, and Dean and Sam squared their shoulders.

“On three.” Dean whispered as he grabbed the handle. “One. Two. Three.” He swung the door open, and inside there was a little boy and girl.

They were balled together, ears covered and eyes wide.

“Is it still here?” Sam asked.

They nodded, and I moved past Sam, crouching in front of them. “Okay. Grab your brother’s hand, come on. We’re gonna get you out of here. Let’s go, let’s go.” I scooped them up, making sure they had a hold on each other as well.

“Go with her.” Dean nodded toward Sam, who followed me up the stairs.

A hand reached out between the boards of the steps and grabbed Sam by the ankles. The children shrieked directly into my ears, and I gasped.

“Sam!” Dean shouted, shooting his taser.

I turned around and grabbed Sam by the wrist, yanking him back to stand. He tossed Dean his taser.

“Take this!”

I could hear Dean taunt the monster as we continued up the stairs. Sam was panting harder than I was, and he pushed me toward the door.

“Get them in the car, go!” He shoved me out onto the front lawn before running back into the house.

I opened the door and dumped the kids into the backseat.

“Stay here, okay?”

They nodded, clearly frightened. I shut the door and inched back toward the house, on high alert.

“Dean!” I heard Sam. “Dean! Come on.”

My eyes widened and I sprinted down to the basement. “Dean!”

He was lying on the floor, eyes shut. The rawhead was dead next to him, and both were in a puddle of water. The taser was still in Dean’s hand.

“Dean.” I whimpered, crashing to my knees next to him and grabbing him by the face.

Sam looked up at me and swallowed hard. I shuddered.

***

“Sir, I’m so sorry to ask…” The receptionist trailed off, looking pained. “There doesn’t seem to be any insurance on file.”

“Right.” Sam blinked. “Uh, okay.” He flipped through his wallet and pulled out a card.

“Okay, Mr. Burkovitz.” She read off as she hit her keyboard.

I sniffled as two cops came toward us.

“Look, we can finish this up later.”

“No, no.” Sam shook his head. “It’s okay. We were just taking a shortcut through the neighborhood. And, uh, the windows were rolled down, so we heard screaming when we drove past the house. And so we stopped, ran in.”

“And you found the kids in the basement?” The cop asked.

I nodded, and Sam gave them a verbal response.

“Well thank god you did.”

I caught sight of the doctor walking toward us. I patted Sam and nodded toward him.

“Excuse us.”

“Sure. Thanks for your help.”

“Hey doc, is he…” I trailed off, feeling my eyes brew with tears.

Sam reached me, grabbing me by the shoulders.

“He’s resting.”

I let out a breath.

“And?”

The doctor hesitated. “The electrocution triggered a heart attack. Pretty massive, I’m afraid. His heart, it-it’s damaged.”

I felt my chest clench as Sam asked something. The doctor answered, but I couldn’t focus. I stared at the doctor’s shoes, snapping back into reality when I heard the doctor speak again.

“We can’t work miracles. I really am sorry.”

The tears came back and I took a deep breath. Sam grabbed me again, pulling me into his side. He mumbled something to the doctor before pulling me away, toward Dean’s room.

“Does he know?” I asked.

Sam sighed. “Yeah. He does.”

I tugged away from him and ran into Dean’s room. I let out a strained breath. He was pale, so so pale. He had dark circles under his eyes, and they were glazed over as he stared at the TV.

“De…” I whined.

“Have you ever actually watched daytime TV?” Dean scoffed, sounding horribly weak. “It’s terrible.”

Sam padded in behind me, dropping into a chair. “Dean, we talked to your doctor.”

“That fabric softener teddy bear. Oh, I’m gonna hunt that little bitch down.” Dean growled.

“Dean.” I whispered, my heart aching.

He finally looked up, clicking the TV off with a sigh. “Yeah. Alright, well, looks you guys are gonna have to leave town without me.”

I scoffed as Sam shook his head. “What are you talking about? We’re not gonna leave you here.”

“Hey, you better take care of that car. Or I swear, I will haunt your ass.” Dean stared at Sam, serious.

“I don’t think that’s funny.” Sam shook his head.

“Oh, come on. It’s a little funny.” Dean tried to laugh, but he only wheezed.

Nobody said anything, and Sam looked away, fighting tears. I broke, letting out a sob as I looked from him to Dean. Seeing him so weak sent me into panic mode, and I let out another cry. Dean sighed and sat up, opening his arms. I made a bee-line for him, and he patted the free space on the bed. I crawled next to him, sobbing into his neck as he wrapped his arms around me.

“It’s gonna be okay, Ol.” He whispered.

I only cried harder, and I could hear Sam sniffle.

“Look, guys. It’s a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That’s it. End of story.”

“Don’t talk like that, Dean. We still have options.” Sam shook his head.

Dean lowered his voice, as if whispering wouldn’t let me hear him. “What options? Burial or cremation. And I know that’s not easy. But I’m gonna die, and you can’t stop it.”

I whimpered again, and his arms tightened around me once more. I heard Sam scoff.

“Watch us.”

***

“Hey, Dad. It’s Sam. Uh… you probably won’t even get this, but uh… it’s Dean.” Sam let out a sob and I sunk further into the floor, leaning against the door.

I had been in the bathroom for the last thirty minutes, trying to settle myself while Sam tried to reach Dad.

“He’s sick, and the doctors… they’re saying there’s nothing that they can do… um, but, uh… They don’t know the things we know, right? So, don’t worry, Dad, cause… uh, Olive and I are gonna do whatever it takes… to make him better.” He sniffled. “Alright. I just… I just wanted to let you know.”

I stood and opened the door, wiping at my tears. Sam sniffled, looking up at me. My heart cracked and I ran to him, flinging myself into his arms. We hadn’t found much so far, and I was horrified.

I could live without Dad. I had lived a lot of my life without Dad. I could live without Sam. I had learned to live without him. But Dean? I had said it before and I would say it again. I had a dependency on Dean. Dean had raised me. I hadn’t been away from him for long periods of time. I didn’t know how to live without him, and I didn’t want to learn either. Sam held me against him as my sobs died down.

There was a knock on the door and our heads both snapped up. Sam and I detangled ourselves and wiped at our tears. I snatched the knife from under Dean’s pillow and slid it up my sleeve. Sam looked at me over his shoulder and I nodded, clearing my throat. He pulled the door open, only to reveal Dean leaning against the frame, looking like absolute shit.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Sam was confused, surprised, and overjoyed to see him, all in one.

“I checked myself out.” Dean spoke.

“What? Are you insane?” I asked, dumping the knife onto the bed and running to him.

He immediately slipped from the frame and leaned against me with a grunt. I held onto him, trying to keep him steady as we took baby steps toward the table.

“Well, I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.” He scowled.

Sam huffed a laugh and shut the door. I helped Dean sit in a chair and pulled another one up right next to him, looking him over. He was still pale, still had bags under his eyes, and still looked horrible.

“You know, this whole I-laugh-in-the-face-of-death-thing? It’s crap.” Sam settled into the third chair. “I can see right through it.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Dean brushed him off. “Have you even slept? You two look worse than me.”

“Uh, no, actually, we’ve been up for the last three days. Sam’s been scouring the internet, I’ve been calling every contact in Dad’s journal.” I kept staring at Dean.

“For what?”

“For a way to help you. One of Dad’s friends, Joshua. He called back, told Olive about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist.”

Dean scowled. “You’re not gonna let me die in peace, are you?”

I cupped his cheeks and put my forehead to his. “We aren’t gonna let you die, period.”

“Olive’s right. We’re going.” Sam crossed his arms over his chest.

***

“Ol, wake up. We’re here.” Sam shook my shoulder.

I grumbled and stretched out, pushing myself out of the car. Dean was leaning against it with a drained look on his face. I held a hand out for him and he took it. Sam scoffed at him and Dean turned and glared. I didn’t have to see his face to know what he was saying.

I’m trying to make her feel better.

“Man, you guys are lying bastards. Thought you said we were going to see a doctor.” Dean scowled as he looked around.

We were parked in a square of muddy grass, a tent pitched and well lit. The sign next to it read: The Church of Roy LeGrange. Faith Healer. Witness the Miracle!

“I think we said specialist.”

“Look, Dean, this guy’s supposed to be the real deal.” Sam coaxed as we inched toward the tent.

“I can’t believe you brought me here to see some guy who heals people out of a tent.” Dean scoffed.

A woman with an umbrella passed by and made a face at Dean. “Reverend LeGrange is a great man.”

“Yeah, that’s nice.” Dean snorted.

“I have a right to protest. This man is a fraud. And he’s milking all these people out of their hard-earned money.” A man was standing with a cop, arguing.

“Sir, this is a place of worship. Let’s go, move it.”

“I take it he’s not part of the flock.” Dean mumbled to me, and I giggled.

“When people see something they can’t explain, there’s controversy.”

“I mean, come on guys, a faith healer?”

Sam shrugged. “Maybe it’s time to have a little faith, Dean.”

“You know what I’ve got faith in?” Dean pulled me closer to his side as he spoke. “Reality. Knowing what’s really going on.”

“Dean, how can you be a skeptic? With the things we see everyday?”

“Exactly. We see them, we know they’re real.” Dean hissed.

“De, I think what Sam is trying to say is that if we know evil’s out there, how can we not believe that there’s good out there too?”

“Because I’ve seen what evil does to good people, Ollie.” Dean sighed.

“Maybe God works in mysterious ways.” A young woman spoke, overhearing our conversation.

Dean’s head turned and he checked her out, a smile growing on his pale face. “Maybe he does. I think you just turned me around on the subject.”

The young woman laughed. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“I’m Dean. That’s Sam, this is Olive.” Dean held his hand out.

“Layla. So, if you’re not a believer, then why are you here?”

“Well, apparently my brother and sister here believe enough for the three of us.”

An older woman approached, putting her arm around Layla. “Come on, Layla. It’s about to start.”

The women smiled at the three of us before disappearing into the tent. Dean huffed. “Well, I bet you she can work in some mysterious ways.”

I whacked the back of his head and Sam rolled his eyes as he led the way into the tent. There was another sign that read: Welcome All Faiths. True Believers Revival. The tent was full of people finding seats, a small stage at the front with a lectern and candles on it. Dean’s eyes scanned the place while Sam’s scanned the seats and I looked at the people. It was a weird vibe, and I did not care for it one bit, but we were here to get Dean better, not make friends.

“Yeah, peace, love, and trust all over.” Dean snorted.

Sam and I followed his gaze, landing on a security camera. Sam and I looked at each other and shrugged. Dean wanted to take a seat near the back, but Sam put an arm around him and pushed him forward.

“Come on.”

“Don’t. What are you doing? Let’s just sit in the back.” Dean pleaded.

“We’re sitting up front.”

“What?” Dean’s green eyes widened. “Why?”

“Come on.” Sam pushed again.

“Oh, come on. Sam. Olive.”

“Dean, just trust us.” I squeezed his hand and pulled him to sit in one of the three empty seats behind Layla and the woman, who was probably her mother.

“Perfect.” Sam grinned at me.

“Yeah, perfect.” Dean repeated, voice dripping with sarcasm.

We pushed Dean to the aisle seat, leaving me sandwiched between my brothers. An older man with sunglasses was being helped to the lectern by a woman.

“Each morning, my wife Sue Ann reads me the news. Never seems good, does it?”

The crowd roared in agreement, and I shrunk down in my seat. Both Sam and Dean noticed. Sam’s hand came out to hold mine and Dean wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“Seems like there’s always someone committing some immoral, unspeakable act.”

As he spoke, I stared up at Dean, worried. I hoped this man could fix him. I couldn’t lose him.

“But I say to you, God is watching. God rewards the good, and He punishes the corrupt.”

Dean’s eyes were set on the man, narrowed. He was taking everything in, judging it all. I sniffled and snuggled into his side. I wasn’t entirely sure what we had just walked into, none of us were. I was panicked about everything.

“Is is the Lord who does the healing here, friends. The Lord who guides me in choosing who to heal by helping me see into people’s hearts.”

The crowd kept agreeing, and Dean leaned to whisper to Sam over my head. “Yeah, and into their wallets.”

“You think so, young man?”

My heart dropped into my stomach as the crowd fell silent. I looked between Sam and Dean, panicked. Dean grew embarrassed and he cleared his throat.

“Sorry.” He mumbled.

“No, no. Don’t be. Just watch what you say around a blind man. We’ve got real sharp ears.” LeGrange laughed, as did the crowd. “What’s your name, son?”

Dean looked down at me, hesitant. I nodded, and he cleared his throat again.

“Dean.”

“Dean.” LeGrange nodded to himself. “I want you to come up here with me.”

The crowd lost it, clapping like there was no tomorrow. Layla and her mother stayed still, and I tilted my head. What was their deal?

“No, it’s okay.” Dean shook his head.

Sam and I looked at him in disbelief. “What are you doing?”

“You’ve come here to be healed, haven’t you?”

Dean hesitated once more. “Well, yeah, but uh… maybe you should just pick somebody else.”

I glared at Dean, and he cowered away from me. It was obvious that he didn’t like being on the receiving end of the look.

“Go.” Sam hissed.

“Oh, no. I didn’t pick you, Dean. The Lord did.”

The crowd got louder, more excited.

“Dean Michael Winchester. Get up there. Right now. I will not live a life without you.” I spoke through gritted teeth, and Dean sighed as he slowly got to his feet. Sue Ann helped him onto the stage, pushing him to stand right in front of LeGrange.

“You ready?”

“Look, no disrespect, but uh… I’m not exactly a believer.” Dean grimaced.

LeGrange only smiled at him. “You will be, son. You will be.” He turned to the crowd. “Pray with me, friends.”

As the crowd lifted their hands to the air, Sam and I looked at each other. He reached for my hands and tugged me close to him. We stayed silent as LeGrange put on one on Dean’s shoulder and the other on the side of his head. Sam shut his eyes, but I couldn’t bring myself to do the same. I watched as Dean’s eyes glazed over and he fell to his knees. I felt myself shaking, and Sam was mumbling something, eyes squeezed shut.

“God, please.” It was a whisper.

I looked back to see Dean shaking. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell onto his back.

“Dean!” I ripped myself from Sam and bolted out into the aisle, jumping onto the stage.

The crowd was going crazy, clapping, cheering, whistling. Sam was on my tail, grabbing Dean by the front of the hoodie. Dean’s eyes burst open and he gasped.

“Dean, say something!” Sam begged.

Dean only stared at something behind us. I turned, but the only thing there was LeGrange. I grabbed Dean by the back of the neck and tried to get him to look at me.

“Dean.”

He blinked, then pulled me into a hug, crashing into me. Sam joined us as he fell to his knees. I began to cry, and Dean held me tighter as Sam wrapped his arms around us.

***

“So, you really feel okay?” Sam asked.

Dean looked unhappy, but after last night, he said he felt okay. “I feel fine, Sam.” He hissed.

“Well, according to all your tests, there’s nothing wrong with your heart. No sign there ever was. Not that a man your age should be having heart trouble, but, still it’s strange it does happen.” The doctor spoke as he walked into the room.

Dean recoiled. “What do you mean, strange?”

“Well, just yesterday, a young guy like you, twenty-seven, athletic. Out of nowhere, heart attack.” The doctor shook his head.

Dean seemed to think for a moment. “Thanks, Doc.”

The doctor said it was no problem as he left the room. Dean shook his head.

“That’s odd.”

I pushed myself up onto the bed next to Dean. “Maybe it’s a coincidence. People’s hearts give out all the time, De.”

“No, they don't.” Dean shook his head again.

“Look, Dean, do we really have to look this one in the mouth? Why can’t we just be thankful that the guy saved your life and move on?”

“Because I can’t shake this feeling, that’s why.” Dean mumbled.

I grabbed Dean by the cheek and turned him toward me. “What feeling, Dean?”

He sighed. “When I was healed, I just… I felt wrong.” He sighed, looking at me. “I felt cold. And for a second… I saw someone. This, uh, this old man.” He looked down. “And I’m telling you guys, it was a spirit.”

I nodded. I knew he had been staring at something, I just hadn’t seen it myself. Sam sighed.

“But if there was something there, don’t you think Olive and I would’ve seen it too? I mean, I’ve been seeing an awful lot of things lately.”

I looked at him. I hadn’t been seeing anything but nightmares as of late.

“Well excuse me, psychic wonder. But you’re just gonna need a little faith on this one.” Dean snipped at Sam, who blinked.

“I think what Dean means is that he’s been hunting long enough to trust a feeling like this.” I spoke to Sam.

“Yeah, alright.” Sam sighed. “So what do you guys wanna do?”

Dean slung an arm around my shoulders. “I want you two to go check out heart attack guy. I’m gonna visit the reverend.”

***

“I’m telling ya, he seemed healthy.” The employee shook his head. “Swam every day. Didn’t smoke. So a heart attack? It just seemed kinda bizarre.”

“And you said he was running? Right before he collapsed?” I asked.

“Yeah, yeah. He was freaking out. He said that something was, uh, was after him.”

Sam and I glanced at each other.

“Did he say what?”

“Well, thin air is what. I mean, there wasn’t anything there.”

“Alright, thanks.” Sam sighed.

I looked up at the clock. Dean said he wouldn’t take long, but he did take Baby, so Sam and I were trying to make it to the motel before the rain hit.

“Hey, uh, your clock is busted.” I pointed.

“Oh yeah, we uh, can’t get it working. Just froze at 4:17.”

I swallowed hard and Sam turned back. “Is that the same time Marshall died?”

“Yeah.” The guy snorted. “How’d you know?”

***

Dean tossed his keys onto the bed as he shut the door with his foot. Sam was on his laptop, and I was curled up next to him, knees to my chest.

“What did you guys find out?” Dean asked as he pulled his jacket off.

“We’re sorry.” I mumbled.

“What? Sorry about what, baby?” Dean grew instantly concerned, coming to kneel in front of me.

I bit my lip and Sam sighed. “Marshall Hall died at 4:17.”

Dean blinked. “The exact time I was healed.”

I nodded. “We’re sorry. We didn’t know.”

Dean looked from Sam and to me. I sniffled, blinking back tears.

“Oh, sweetheart. It’s okay. It’s alright. Come here.” He stood and scooped me out of the seat, taking it and placing me in his lap.

“We put together a list of everyone Roy’s healed.”

“Six people over the past year, so we cross-checked them with the local obituaries.”

Sam sighed. “Every time someone was healed, someone else died.”

“And each time, the victim died of the same symptom LeGrange was healing.” I looked up at Dean.

He nodded. “So someone’s healed of cancer, someone else dies of cancer?”

Sam nodded. “Somehow, LeGrange… he’s trading a life for another.”

“Wait, wait, wait. So Marshall Hall died to save me?” Dean asked.

I looked back down and Sam’s shoulders fell. “Dean, the guy probably would’ve died anyway.”

“And somebody else would’ve been healed. Not you.” I spoke softly, looking up at Dean again.

“You guys never should’ve brought me here.”

“Dean, we were just trying to save your life.” Sam pleaded.

“But now some guy is dead because of me.”

“Dean, we didn’t know.” I stressed. “We didn’t know. Look, if we hadn’t come here, we wouldn’t have found out! And this would’ve kept happening over and over and over again.” I sighed.

“Olive, what are you saying?” Dean looked down at me with furrowed eyebrows.

“She’s saying that we found this case because you were hurt. Without you being healed, more people would’ve kept dying.”

“The thing we don’t understand is how is he doing it? How’s he trading a life for a life?”

Dean shook his head. “Oh, he’s not doing it. No, something else is doing it for him.”

“What do you mean, De?”

“The old man I saw on stage…” He sighed. “I didn’t wanna believe it, but deep down I knew.”

“You knew?” Sam blinked. “What are you talking about?”

I sighed. “There’s only one thing that can give and take life like that.”

“What? What are you guys talking about?”

“We’re dealing with a reaper, Sams.”

Sam blinked. “You guys really think it’s The Grim Reaper? Like… angel of death, collect your soul, the whole deal?”

Dean and I shook our heads, practically in unison. “No, no, no, not the reaper. A reaper.”

“What?”

I reached over and snatched the laptop, pulling up the Wikipedia page for reapers. “There’s reaper law in pretty much every culture on Earth. It goes by hundreds of different names, but it’s possible that there’s more than one of them.”

“But Dean said he saw a guy in a suit.” Sam’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What, you think he should’ve been rocking a black robe? Sam, how do you guys know what time Marshall died?”

I sighed. “The clock stopped. Reapers stop time. And you can only see them when they’re coming at you. Which is why Dean could see it and we couldn’t.” I explained.

Sam shook his head. “Maybe.”

“It’s not maybe, Sam. There’s nothing else it could be. The question is, how is Roy controlling it?”

“That cross.” Sam mumbled.

Dean and I looked at each other, then back to Sam. “What?”

“There was this cross. I noticed it in the church and I knew I had seen it before.” Sam began to tear through the papers on the table, snorting when he found what he wanted. “Here.”

“A tarot?” Dean asked as I took the card, holding it where we could both see it.

“It makes sense. A tarot dates back to the early Christian era. When some priests were still using magic. And a few of them veered into the dark stuff?”

I nodded, catching on. “Necromancy and how to push death away. How to cause it.”

“So Roy’s using black magic to bind the reaper?”

Sam snorted. “If he is then he’s riding the whirlwind.”

“It’s like putting a dog leash on a great white.”

Dean nodded. “Okay.” He tapped my side and I slid off into the other chair as he went for a beer. “Okay, then we stop Roy.”

“How?”

“You know how.”

“Wait, what the hell are you saying, Dean? We can’t kill Roy.”

“Sam, the guy’s playing God. Deciding who lives and who dies? That’s a monster in my book.”

“No, we can’t Dean. Then we’re no better than he is.”

Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “Okay, fine. We can’t kill Roy, we can’t kill death itself. Any ideas, kids?”

Sam and I looked at each other and sighed. “Black magic is about spells…” I trailed off, unsure of what I was getting at.

“That’s it!” Sam jumped. “If he’s using some sort of spell on the reaper, we can figure out what it is.”

“And figure out how to break it.” I grinned.

***

“If Roy’s using a spell, there might be a book.” I said as we bounded out of the car.

“Sam, see if you can find it. Take Olive with you.” Dean checked his watch. “Hurry up too, the service starts in fifteen minutes. I’ll try to stall roy.”

The man from earlier, who had been fighting with the cop, held a pamphlet out to Dean. “Roy LeGrange is a fraud. He’s no healer.”

I snorted a laugh, and Dean took the paper.

“Amen brother.”

“You keep up the good work.” Sam clapped his shoulder.

***

Sam got down on one knee and clasped his hands together. “Up you go.”

I carefully stepped onto him and got a grasp on the window sill, pulling myself up the rest of the way. I tumbled into the house quietly, Sam following without a word. LeGrange and his wife had just left.

“Split up?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No, better if we stick together.”

I nodded as we looked around. Sam must’ve noticed something about a certain book, because he went straight for it, pulling it off the shelf. I went for the desk, pulling out drawers and shuffling through papers. Sam scoffed, then gasped.

“What is it?” I looked up.

“Found it, I think.” He said.

I went to his side as he flipped the small book open. Inside, there was a picture of a skeleton reaper, a picture of the cross he mentioned. Newspaper clippings on the people who had died. Marshall Law, who had died for Dean, was an openly gay schoolteacher. Another woman, found dead in the woods, was an abortion rights advocate. A third clipping slipped from the book and onto the floor. While Sam kept flipping, I bent down and grabbed it.

“Shit.” I mumbled.

“What is it?” Sam looked at me.

I showed him the paper. It was the man who was handing out pamphlets. David Wright.

“Call Dean.” Sam ordered, fishing for the keys in his pocket. “Now.”

I dialed Dean’s number as Sam gathered the book and the clippings. He nodded toward the window, and I hoisted myself over the ledge with a grunt as Dean picked up.

“Hey, pumpkin. Whatcha got?”

“He’s choosing victims he sees as immoral. And we found his next target. Remember that protestor?”

“Parking lot pamphlet guy?”

“Yeah, him. Sam and I can find him, but you can’t let LeGrange heal anyone, alright?”

“Yeah, alright. Be careful.”

“Always. Love you.”

“Love you guys too.”

Sam grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me alongside him, rushing to the car.

***

“Help!” There was a scream, and Sam’s eyes bugged out of his head.

“Where?”

I turned, spinning on my toes to see Wright running around a car.

“Help! Help me! Please!”

“Where is he?” Sam sprinted his way, grabbing him by the shoulders.

“Right there!” Wright screamed.

I flipped the video camera open and aimed it to where he pointed as Sam dragged Wright with us.

“Bug, anything?”

“Nope! Gonna have to go off his word.” I let the camera fall to the side and cocked the shotgun.

“Where is he now?”

“There!” He pointed behind Sam.

“Duck!” I ordered as I aimed.

I shot, and nothing happened.

“He’s gone.”

“What?”

My phone buzzed, and I flipped it open.

“Okay, I did it. I stopped LeGrange.”

I nodded. “Okay. Okay, David, I think it’s okay.”

He nodded, turning around. He screamed, and I snapped up to see the ugliest, wrinkliest old man I had ever seen, as tall as Sam, sticking his hand into Wright’s head.

“Dean! It didn’t work! Reaper’s still coming!” I squeaked as I shot again.

The reaper looked at me and hissed, pushing his hand further into Wright’s head. I panted, horrified.

“What? I stopped him!”

“I’m telling you, it didn’t work! LeGrange must not be the one controlling this thing.” I whimpered. “Dean, I can see him.”

“Shit. Shit, okay. Okay. So if it’s not Roy, then who the hell is it?” Dean became frantic, and I took another shot.

It did absolutely nothing to the reaper, but he seemed angry as all hell. Sam shook his hand in front of my face.

“Olive, what the hell are you looking at?”

“Sammy…” I gulped. “I think I pissed him off.”

“Sue Ann.” I heard Dean grumble, then a thud.

The line went dead, and Sam grabbed me by the shoulders, trying to pull me into him and protect me. The reaper took its hand away from Wright and stared at us. He blinked before turning away and vanishing. I let out a breath as Sam moved to help Wright get up.

“I got you. I got you.”

“Thank god.” Wright panted.

***

“So Roy really believes.” Sam sighed.

He was criss-cross on his bed, in flannel pajama pants and an old shirt. He was tired, leaning back on his arms as we brainstormed.

“I don’t think he has any idea what his wife’s doing.” Dean shook his head, running a hand through my hair.

He was sitting up in his bed, back against the headboard. I was laying down next to him, my head resting on his lap and my arms curled against my chest.

“We found the book.” I mumbled, pulling it out of my back pocket and holding it out to Dean. “Hidden in their library. Written by a priest who went dark side. Binding spell in there for trapping a reaper.”

Dean sighed. “Must be a hell of a spell.”

“Yeah.” Sam snorted. “You gotta build a black alter with seriously dark stuff. Bones, human blood. To cross a line like that, a preacher’s wife… Black magic. Murder. Evil.”

“Desperate.” I cut him off as I looked up at Dean, who was still smoothing my hair back. “Her husband was dying and she didn’t have anything to save him.”

Dean nodded. “She was using the binding spell to keep the reaper away from Roy.”

“Cheating death. Literally.” Sam sighed.

“Yeah, but Roy’s alive, so why is she still using the spell?” Dean asked.

“Right. Power went to her head, now she’s forcing the reaper to kill people she thinks are immoral.” I closed my eyes and sighed.

“May God save us from half the people who think they’re doing God's work.” Dean scowled.

“De, we have to break that binding spell.” I opened my eyes and forced myself to sit up.

Dean nodded as he flipped through the book, stopping at a picture of the cross. “Sue Ann had a coptic cross like this. When she dropped it, you guys said the reaper backed off.”

“So you’re thinking we gotta find the cross? Or destroy the altar?”

Dean nodded again. “Maybe both.” He sighed. “Whatever we do, we better do it soon, or he’s healing Layla tonight.”

***

“That’s Layla’s car. She’s already here.” Sam spoke as Dean put the car into park.

“Yeah.” He nodded, sad.

“Dean…” I trailed off, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“You know if Roy would’ve picked Layla instead of me she’d be here right now. And if she’s not healed tonight she’s gonna die in a couple of months.”

I sighed, and Sam spoke. “What’s happening to her is horrible. But what’re you gonna do? Let somebody else die to save her? You said it yourself, Dean. You can’t play God.”

Dean said nothing, and I squeezed his shoulder. He reached up and placed his hand over mine. I pressed a kiss to the side of his head before getting out of the car. Dean and Sam did the same, and we shut the three doors at the same time, trying to make the least noise possible.

Dean still looked sad. I held my hand out for him as we snuck towards the tent. He took it with a sigh as Sam peeled back the curtain and we peeked in.

Layla and her mother, along with a small group of people, were sitting with LeGrange.

“Gather round, please, everybody gather round. Come in closer, come on up.”

“Where’s Sue Ann?” I whispered.

“House.” Sam answered, letting the curtain fall back as he stood straight.

We walked slowly over to the house, and I was thankful that the grass made our footsteps disappear. We ducked next to the side of the porch, hidden by a few bushes.

“You two go find Sue Ann, I’ll catch up.” Dean pushed me away, into Sam.

Sam grabbed me by the shoulders, tugging me to stand in front of him as Dean shuffled away. “What are you gonna…”

“Hey!” Dean shouted, attracting the attention of two men coming down the stairs. “You gonna put that fear of God in me?” He taunted, moving his hips from side to side like a matador waving a flag at a bull.

The men dropped their coffees and ran at Dean, who immediately took off.

“Come on.” Sam whispered, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the stairs.

He pushed the door open. The entire house was silent and dark. I shivered. This place gave me worse vibes than the tent did.

“Where is she?” I whispered, and Sam shook his head as we turned around, trying to find her.

Sam saw something and grabbed me by the wrist. I peeked over his shoulder to see cracks of light coming from the basement door. He squared his shoulders as he led us toward the door. He licked his lips and looked at me over his shoulder. He put a finger up to his lips.

Stay quiet.

I nodded, holding his hand as he slipped inside, holding the door open for me with his foot. He picked me up by the waist and set me down in front of him on the steps, shutting the door softly. I padded down the stairs, stopping at the front of the room. There was a candle-lit altar littered with dead animals. Horns, blood, eyeballs, everything you could imagine. I felt bile rise in my throat, and it my eyes burned with hatred when I saw the center of the altar.

It was a photo of Dean, obviously pulled from the security camera from before he was healed. His face was crossed out. In blood. Sam gasped from beside me, and there was the click of a heel.

“I gave your brother life and I can take it away.” Sue Ann hissed.

“You fucking bitch!” I shouted, running at her as Sam flipped the altar over.

I caught a hold of her arm, nails raking down her skin, but she kicked at me, landing me in the ankle, and hard. An animal-like growl left my throat and I went crashing to the ground. I tore skin off her arm, and it was left hanging in my hand as she closed the door and put a wooden beam in front of it. Sam moved me aside and shoved as hard as he could, but the door stayed locked.

“Can’t you kids see? The Lord chose me to reward the just and punish the wicked. And your brother is wicked and he deserves to die just as Layla deserves to live. It is God’s will.” She cackled, and blood surged in my veins.

I wasn’t upset. I wasn’t angry. I was hungry for her blood. I wanted to rip her limb from fucking limb and watch the life leave her eyes as I did. The emotions inside me were too strong to be human, but I didn’t care. I wanted Dean safe, and I wanted Sue Ann gone forever.

“Goodbye, Sam. Goodbye, Olive.”

Sam looked around the room, trying to find something to help us break down the lock. I growled again and threw myself at it with the full weight of my body. I heard a crack, and I didn’t know if it was my bones or the beam, but it was something.

“Olive, no!” Sam shouted, but it was too late.

I threw myself at it again. The wood splintered.

“Olive, we can find another way out of here!” Sam shouted, shaking me by the shoulders.

I understood what he was saying. I was processing his words. But I was so angry, so utterly fucking enraged, that I slapped his hands away and went back to the door, slamming my shoulder against it. A splinter embedded itself in my shoulder and I grunted, gritting my teeth so hard they felt like they would snap.

“Olive!”

“Shut up!” I howled, throwing myself against the door one last time.

The beam cracked, and the doors swung open. I stood, panting. Sam stared at me and said something, but I no longer understood. I spit the blood that had made its way to my mouth and let out a huff.

“Dean.”

It didn’t sound like me. It sounded like some badly-edited creature from an 80s horror movie, but I knew what it meant. I wouldn’t be able to stop until Dean was safe. I turned on my heel and ran in the direction of the tent, leaving Sam to stare at me.

I moved as fast as I could, which seemed faster than normal. Sue Ann was hidden beside the tent, chanting something while she held up the cross in one hand. She had a bottle of blood in the other hand.

She screamed as I snapped the cross over my knee, then smacked the blood out of her hand, leaving it to shatter on the ground. I stood in front of her, panting with my teeth bared.

“My God, what have you done!”

“He’s not your God.” Sam spat as I tried to lunge at her.

I wanted blood. Her blood. I wanted to rip her to pieces.

“Olive! Olive, no!” Sam caught me by the waist, pulling me back. “No! No! Olive, stop!” He shouted as he turned me over and grabbed me by the face.

He stared, eyes wide. “Olive, go find Dean.”

I only stared back, panting. I wanted to kill her, and it was the only thing I could think about. He tucked my hair behind my ears and knelt down to be eye-level with me. “Dean.”

I nodded. “Dean.”

It was the same voice, that of a horrible creature, but it didn’t matter. What mattered now was Dean. I sprinted across the parking lot. A car pulled out in front of me, and the horn honked, but I was so focused on Dean that I jumped onto the hood and slid over it.

“Baby!” I heard Dean.

“Dean!” I screamed.

The other voice was scaring me.

Dean. Dean. Dean.

“Sweetheart! Oh, princess! Come here, Ollie.” Dean was within reach, arms outstretched.

I jumped into them, wrapping my arms and legs around him.

“Dean.” Still not me.

I breathed. “Dean.” More like me.

“Dean.”

It became my voice again, and my head started pounding. Dean held me in his grip, rocking me back and forth as I calmed down.

“Hey. You okay?”

It was Sam.

“Hell of a week.”

“Yeah. Come on, we gotta get going.”

I blinked, feeling drained. Dean kissed the side of my head, and the stupid voice popped back in.

Dean’s safe. You can rest now.

***

“Dean, I’m telling you. It wasn’t her. It wasn’t Olive. Okay, whatever the hell is was was out for blood. The way she attacked… I’ve never seen anything attack like before in my entire life.” The middle Winchester presses as he peeks in the rear view mirror.

The youngest of the three is sleeping peacefully in the backseat, one boy’s jacket wrapped around her and the other under her head like a pillow. She’s been out for the last few hours. After they stopped the reaper, after she knew Dean was safe, Olive fell into a dead sleep.

“Sam, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dean’s tone is firm.

It’s a warning.

“Dean, come on! It’s like she wasn’t human!”

“Quiet.” Dean hisses.

He’ll be damned if Olive wakes up because of this, damned if she finds out this way. She doesn’t know.

“The hell do you mean, wasn’t human? We raised her, we know for a fact that she’s human.” Dean speaks through gritted teeth.

“But Dean, the-”

“The what? The fangs? The look in her eyes? The voice? You don’t think I’ve seen her like that? Seen her out for fucking blood, Sam?” Dean cuts him off and pulls into a motel parking lot.

It’s late. He’s tired, and he wants this conversation to be over. Sam gasps as realization settles in.

“You know something.”

“I don’t know what you think I know, Sam, but I can promise that I don’t know jack shit.” Dean jams a finger into his younger brother’s chest.

“Fine. But the next time that demon comes out to play and skins someone, it’s on you.” Sam huffs.

It’s a trap. He didn’t mention that Olive ripped skin off Sue Ann’s arm.

“She’s not a demon and she can’t skin anybody.” Dean snaps, and is filled with immediate regret.

Sam shakes his head. “You do know something.”

Dean sighs. He turns around to look at Olive. She’s still dead asleep, snoring and drooling like a baby. He sighs again. He motions to Sam and steps out of the car. Sam follows, and they meet at the trunk of the car. Dean hoists himself onto it, and Sam leans against it.

“What is she, Dean?”

Dean shakes his head. “She’s a kid. She’s a baby. My baby. She’s my responsibility, Sam. That’s what she is.”

“Dean, please. Just tell me what she is. She’s not human. That much is obvious.”

Dean shakes his head once more and looks up to the sky, tears in his eyes.

“Dean.”

“I can’t tell you, Sammy. You gotta understand.”

Sam scoffs. “Dean, she’s dangerous.”

“The hell she is!” Dean raises his voice, and this time it’s enough to wake Olive.

She shifts in the backseat, her eyes cracking open. Her brothers don’t notice.

“Dean-”

“She won’t hurt anybody. Okay? Not anybody that isn’t trying to hurt us.”

“What?”

Dean sighs again, and Olive strains to listen.

“It only happens when one of us is about to die. When she knows for sure that something she can physically stop is about to kill us.”

Sam sighs, and Dean shakes his head, tears falling down his face.

“Look Sam, that's all I can tell you.”

“What is she?” Sam asks again.

Olive’s heart thumps in her chest. Sam is scared of her now. She hears Dean tell Sam to stop asking.

“I’m not gonna tell you.”

Sam scoffs, and Olive’s eyes threaten to fill with tears. Her nose burns. She can feel it coming.

“Dean, I love her, you know that, but monsters can’t be good. You know that. Push comes to shove, one day we will have to-”

“Don’t you fucking dare say that to me.” Dean cuts him off, and Olive finally begins to cry.

“She’s my kid. She doesn’t know. All she knows is that she gets protective. Now, she’s my baby, and I’m never gonna lay a hand on her. You hear me?”

“Dean-”

“And neither will you. Do you fucking understand me?”

“Dean-”

“Sam.” Dean snarls. “Do you understand me?”

Sam sighs, and Olive pops up in her seat. Dean whacks Sam’s arm upon seeing her. Sam mumbles an agreement, and Dean makes his way to the back door of the car, opening it.

“Morning, princess.”

Olive sniffs as Dean lifts her out of the car. She is drained, exhausted. Dean shoots Sam a look. The conversation is over, and he has no plans of starting it ever again.

Previous Ep: Scarecrow (1.11)

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bifinmediasres · 5 years

Text

Kalluzeb drabble No. 2

It was early, almost too early for people to be awake. But Alexsandr was in the training room looking for a sparring partner. Normally, that would be Zeb. But he was in an early morning debrief after returning from his last mission.

If he was honest with himself, that didn't leave Kallus with very many other options. He hadn't made very many friends in his short time with the rebellion. Sometimes he felt like he had more enemies than anything else. Not that he blamed anyone or begrudged them their hard feelings. He knew what he'd been a part of in the Empire. Associations like that weren't easily forgiven or forgotten.

Suddenly a voice broke through his train of thought. "Hey! Kallus!" Ezra shouted across the hangar. The younger man waved, walking over to where Alexsandr stood. "You gonna spar? Where's Zeb?"

"Early meeting." Kallus answered and then after a thought, "You wouldn't want to fill in, just this once? Eh, Jabba?" Kallus grinned as he said the name Bridger had introduced himself with at their first meeting.

"Who me? You sure that's a good idea?" He answered.

"I think I can handle a Padawan with a practice staff", Alexsandr drawled sarcastically.

"No, that's not what I meant," Ezra chuckled, "I know you can handle me. I'm just not keen on getting my butt kicked before breakfast."

Alexsandr barked out a laugh tossing him a staff. "Have a little faith in yourself Jabba."

The younger man nodded smiling, "Yeah ok." He faced Kallus in what he hoped was a ready position and the man advanced. Ezra quickly blocked his thrust, circling around until he found his own opportunity. Then Kallus advanced again. And on it went.

The young Jedi in training wasn't as practiced as the ex Imperial, but he wasn't completely untrained either, Kallus noticed. He had good instincts, even if he was a bit hasty. But Alexandr found him to be good practice for a day like this.

The bout continued. Each man getting in a strike there, a block here. It wasn't what you would call evenly matched but they were well suited in a way. Ezra making a mistake and Alexandr showing him with his next move where his error lay. Ezra would then put the lesson into practice.

This went on for longer than either had initially intended. Both were being to tire. Perhaps that's why when Ezra went to strike his latest blow he found himself swinging harder than he meant to. Likewise Kallus had been caught off guard and was twisted in such a way that the blow landed just at the small of his back with a heavy thunk.

The momentum carried Ezra in a half circle, turning him away from Kallus who had lost his balance and came to land on his right knee which promptly gave out under the sudden weight. A sort of choked groan escaped as Kallus flattened on the mat.

As soon as both feet were back under him Ezra ran to Kallus, kneeling next to him but hesitating to do more. "Kallus are you alright? Oh Kriff Zeb is going to kill me!"

Managing to draw in a breath, Kallus grinned, "Not before Hera kills you for cursing."

"You're ok? You're ok! Are you threatening to tell on me? Make me think I killed you and now you're threatening to tattle." Ezra rambled only to finish with a smirk, "Frankly I think that's rude."

"Yeah well you owe me for that last shot, he shot back sticking up his hand so Ezra could help him up. He only got his left leg under him though. As soon as he tried to put weight on his right leg it buckled under him and pain shot through his lower back sending him back down to the ground.

This was bad. Not the worst his leg had been obviously. But the worst anyone who wasn't Zeb had ever seen him dealing with. And speaking of Zeb he was probably the best bet for Kallus getting out of here quickly. But that meant Ezra would have to go get him and bring him to the training room.

After making that assessment, he rolled to his back to make eye contact with Ezra who it seemed had been muttering to himself about breaking Zeb's boyfriend. He chuckled at that but stopped when that too caused him pain.

"Ezra," he prompted gruffly, "I need you to focus. You didn't break me." He paused to make sure the Padawan was listening before continuing, "I do need your help however. I need Garazeb. He'll be able to get me up and out of here no problem. Can you go find him for me? Please?"

The word please seemed to snap Ezra out of whatever trance he'd been in. He stood and began to walk away before turning back to the man on the floor and speaking.

"You called me Ezra."

"That's your name."

"You said please."

"I'm polite!"

Ezra turned to leave muttering under his breath, "Oh yeah this is bad. Kriff! Zeb is going to completely kill me. I broke Agent Kallus!"

Ezra found Zeb in the hall outside the meeting room, his debriefing having just ended. He tried to walk not run up to him and tried, major emphasis on tried to sound more calm and put together than he felt.

"Um Ze-Zeb", his voice cracked on the word. He tried again, "Zeb I need your help with something", he started. The Lasat smiled in greeting as he listened. "Something bad happened. I mean I did something bad."

"If you broke something of 'Bine's again I'm not bailing you out this time." Zeb joked but Ezra shook his head, "Did you break Chopper? Not that I care but I want to know how if you did," he laughed.

"No! Zeb...it's Kallus." Ezra hung his head as he spoke hiding his face from Zeb.

"What'd"ya mean?" Zeb's voice grew serious, "Ezra? Spill it." And he did. Briefly explaining what had happened during their morning sparring match and how he'd gotten in a lucky shot. But now it seemed like Kallus was really hurt and he'd been sent to collect Zeb.

"Karabast! He'll be the death of me one day, Zeb muttered running a hand over his face. "Training room you said?" Ezra nodded. "Alright c'mon. Might need yer help too." He jerked his head indicating for Ezra to follow as he stalked away, Ezra behind, leaving apologies in their wake.

In a few minutes they'd reached the training room and Ezra was still apologizing. "He called me Ezra. He NEVER calls me Ezra. This is bad, isn't it?"

Zeb stopped and huffed a laugh. "Actually that's probably his way of telling you he really does like you, not just enjoys messing with you. Especially now that you're seeing him like this. Karabast he hates his leg actin' up. Makes him feel weak I guess."

Suddenly something seemed to dawn on Ezra, "It's happened before?" Zeb nodded. "Does it happen a lot?" Zeb shook his head. "Not terribly. More if he's tired or already hurting. Or when some street rat jedi gets a lucky shot in`` at this Zeb's grin widened. "It always makes him feel vulnerable though I think, so I'm one of the few people who knows. It's a big deal for him to show weakness. Just thought you should know."

Ezra nodded, digesting what he'd heard as they walked into the training room. They found Alexandr, much as Ezra had said. He was still flat on his back on the floor and didn't look like he'd moved much at all. He raised an arm in a wave when he saw them approaching.

"Mornin'", Zeb greeted.

"Garazeb, darling." Kallus smiled. "Jabba" he acknowledged Ezra with a smirk.

"Heard the kid beat ya," Zeb grinned down at Alex.

"Is that the story he's going with?" Kallus winked at Ezra, "We'll have to clear that up, I think. But first, mind giving me a hand," he asked reaching out to Zeb. The Lasat answered by bending down and grabbing the man's hand, pulling his arm across Zeb's shoulder before wrapping an arm around Kallus' waist and beginning to pull him off the floor.

At closer range Zeb could see Alex was sweating despite his sparring with Ezra being over. He was paler than usual as well. "You think you can stand?" he asked.

"Only one way to find out," Kallus responded. Zeb moved slowly attempting to give Alexsandr time to adjust. Still, the moment he had both legs under him Kallus went even paler, groaning as the pain got exponentially worse. How had he not realized he was in this shape until now? He was usually so much better at keeping track of when his leg was in bad shape.

"Is he going to be sick?" Kallus heard Ezra ask from the other side of Zeb.

"I most certainly am not", he replied, trying to sound indignant but only achieving slurred. Either way he was right though. He didn't get sick. Instead he promptly lost consciousness, slumping with his full weight now supported by Zeb.

"Karabast Sasha!" Zeb growled before recovering and seemingly effortlessly slinging Alexsandr up over one shoulder. Blinking at the younger man he said, "Don't let him know you heard me call him that. Deal?"

"Oh sure! No problem!" Ezra assured him. "Honestly I'm still processing the fact that he used my real name and that apparently means...he likes me?" Ezra trailed off sounding utterly confused.

Zeb huffed a laugh, heading to the training room door, "Well try to get used to it will ya? He needs all the friends he can get. I mean look at 'im." He gestured over his shoulder at the still unconscious Alex. "Being around people who actually care, who want him to take care of himself is basically a foreign concept to him. I for one would like to change that."

Ezra just nodded and studied Kallus' face as he followed a little behind Zeb. "On that note", Zeb's tone changed slightly, "could you sit with him in our bunk while I rustle some food together?"

"I'd be happy to", Ezra answered.

"Good man", Zeb replied. They walked the rest of the way back to the Ghost in near silence, aside from the few comments from passing pilots about Zeb "bagging the imp" and others asking how he had time for a debrief and a sparring session in one morning. Zeb just smiled and kept walking, throwing, "Wasn't me. It was the kid," over his shoulder. Ezra grinned at that and walked a little taller. He'd take pride in it for as long as Kallus would let him.

A short time later Kallus woke up in the familiar surroundings of the bunk room he shared with Zeb. Only Zeb was nowhere to be found. Instead Kallus found Ezra nodding off in the desk chair beside the bed. He'd been watching over him Kallus realized with a small smile. Relaxing back onto his pillow he began to try to piece together how exactly he'd ended up back on board the Ghost.

There was movement beside him followed by Ezra's excitable, "Kallus! I mean", he continued softer, "Kallus you're awake! Are you in pain? You look like you're in pain. I'll get Zeb", and he got up to presumably find the Lasat in question.

Kallus attempted to stop him by asking where Zeb was. But the attempt came out as a croaky whisper that surprised them both. Ezra seemed to change his mind then. He turned and grabbed a cup of water from the table and handed it to Alex. Alex raised himself to one elbow slowly and drained the cup. Handing it back over he returned to his position on the bed.

"Better?" Ezra asked at which he nodded in answer before trying to speak again. This time his voice came out clearer, if still weaker than he'd prefer.

"Would you be so kind as to fill me in on a few details I seem to be lacking?"

"Sure thing," Ezra returned to his seat, "What do you remember?"

"We sparred." Alex answered. "You...got lucky." He caught Ezra's wince and paused. "It's alright you know. It's not as if you-" he was cut off by Ezra's agitated response.

"No it's not alright! Even if I didn't mean to, I hurt you. Enough to cause your leg to give out. And then when I went and got Zeb and he tried to get you up, you were in so much pain you passed out. And I did that!"

Ezra had stood up at some point during the shouting and now half way between the chair and the bed, head hung low, Kallus thought he might very well sink to the floor. He briefly considered reaching out to make the boy sit on the bed, but he thought better of it.

"Ezra," he began quietly. Ezra flinched and so Kallus flinched. Was using his given name really having such an adverse effect? Possibly but this was not the time for inside jokes so he tried again.

"Ezra, I meant what I said. You got lucky. Yes, you got a solid hit in. Yes...I was hurt." He stopped here to watch how Ezra was reacting to his words. "But it was my fault." Ezra met his gaze. "I'm usually better at knowing when my leg can take a work out. I misjudged today. I'm also slightly more sleep deprived and under fed than strictly healthy." Here he smiled, "I'd appreciate that staying between the two of us if you didn't mind?"

"Not on your life," Zeb's voice came from the doorway.

Zeb's gruff laugh seemed to shake Ezra back to the present. Alex gestured for him to sit on the edge of the bed which he did slowly before speaking, "I understand everything you said. And I guess as long as you're not angry...it's ok?" He finished sounding utterly unsure of himself.

"Wonderful!" Zeb beamed, "Now that you two have kissed and made up, lunchtime." And with that he started arranging the food he'd brought in on the desktop and a tray table he maneuvered to the bedside, all the while Ezra joked about Zeb being the preferred person to kiss Alex. They both heartily agreed.

Ezra switched from the bed back to the chair and Zeb sat down next to Alex to fuss over him profusely, which Alex didn't mind at all to be honest. After they'd spent some time eating, Zeb quietly put a bottle of tablets next to Kallus' plate, pain tabs he realized. He started to protest until he saw both Ezra and Zeb watching to make sure he took them. Rolling his eyes he did as asked. Fixing Ezra with a stare he asked, "So when's our rematch Jabba?"

#kalluzeb #drabble #Karabast

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llamameangelazul · 4 years

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1:33 A.M.

My emotions are catching up to me and i’m exploding in tears. I haven’t cried this much for a while now... it’s like everything decided to crash into me today. All the resentment, dissapointment, sadness, rage, happiness.... I want to freeze time, want to go back in time and relive moments with the people I loved the most. I am filled with nostalgia. Is it real or are they memories I have created? Was it really any better before or I just like to remember it to be that way? There’s just so much that I cannot put into words. I have to have a purpose to still be here. I hope I do. Life is confusing, I am confused 24/7. I am constantly stressed and overwhelmed in this house. I cannot leave yet unfortunately... my siblings are leeches. They will be the end of my parents. My parent’s will most likely not see my children, if I ever decide to have a child.Or perahps they will but not enjoy them as my other siblings children do. They pressure me and tell me to just do it, im 21, will be turing 22 this year. I do not need a child. No, i will not get married this year or next year either... I don’t know, will my papa ever see me getting married? The man I love with my whole heart. My poor mama, I feel for her now. I get why she was so hard on me. I don’t need them as much as my other siblings do. It’s something I had to overcome slowly, it’s not that they love me any less. it’s just that they know I am stronger than they are. I’ve done everything on my own... when I needed my family the most, my mama especially--- where was she? Not with me. She was at home taking care of my sister’s kids while I tried to burn my skin off in the shower, punching the walls, sobbing. I will never understand how cruel people are. How some people are willing to defend or not speak up for others when they’re in trouble. Integrity. I am disgusted, and sickened by them. Being a cna, was the best and worst experience of my life. I took care of people in their most vulnerable moments. Some had lovely families who cared for them wholeheartedly while others it was almost like a chore/obligation to be there.... while others were all alone. Even the most difficult patients (Randy) who’d throw shit at me and everyone.... was hard to love had a soft spot. A senior nursing assistant who knew him since the day he stepped into the nursing home said he had a daugther and would visit him at first but decided to end all contact with him for whatever reason, but i’m sure she did it for a good reason.... but what i’m trying to say is.... everyone has seen some terrible things or lived through it or live in regret like how he lives now and he’s so angry all the time, it’s sad. I hope he is at peace one day. I worked night shifts, doubles. Worked my ass off.... for what? I cannot be a nurse. I cannot even step into a nursing home without hyperventilating. I wanted to become a nurse so badly, now that it’s not within my reach.....I feel useless. But... I’m trying to change career paths now and become a teacher or perhaps a counselor would be more suitable, I’d enjoy that more. I used to dream about becoming a travel nurse. Travel all of California, the states. But then I felt like a fucking joke when the DON at the nursing home told me, “You will become a nurse, this is his livelihood.” This haunts me. I dont give one fuck. He is a predator. He preyed on me when I was at my weakest. This was my third double shift... go in at 10pm leave at 2:30 sleep 4-5 hours and do it again. I was supposed to have a week off after this. We were short on people too. The people that worked there didn’t really care about these people. PSA: IF YOU LACK COMPASSION, HEALTHCARE ISN’T THE PLACE FOR YOU. IT WOULD PISS ME THE FUCK OFF HEARING PEOPLE COME IN THE MORNING COMPLAINING ABOUT their 7-10 residents where I would take care of 20+ residents, dress them for the morning and here I was working a double shift. Not the first time I’ve done it but that week I overdid it and worked those 3 days back to back.... He was never disrespectful towards anyone. He kept to himself and offered help to anyone who needed it. He was everyones “brother” there. He was a middle aged Latino man, only Latino than me and my coworker who i once though to be my “work mom”. He needed help giving a bed bath which usually takes two people to those who are aggressive... While giving a bed bath he started small talk saying how my parents should be proud of how hardworking I am then went on how tired I looked and how I should rest on the bed like the other cna’s do and I was like no, I don’t do that , that’s unprofessional and I would never. Then he said my shoe lace was untied and i my back was turned to the bed behind so i bent over and he was BIG and pushed me and his weight was crushing me and he swirled his tongue down my throat and i bit him and tried pushing him off but i was so fucking weak and tired, I couldn’t do it, until I was able to fucking kick him in the nuts and i tried running through the bathroom but he locked it and then I pushed him and ran out of the room, he yelled in spanish “Don’t be scared, Don’t say anything, and I just ran to the end of the hall where there I saw my “work mom” and my other coworker and I just couldn’t speak but they jokingly said if i saw a ghost or something because i was pale. I threw up, when i managed to get some words out of mouth, they were in disbelief about what happened. They told the charge nurse, she said she was going to do “her best” and it was “okay” bitch, tf it is not. anyways.... my phone died but i was able to use my coworkers and i called my man and he immediatley made his way to my job. I KID YOU NOT... THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS STILL ON THE FLOOR. WHEN THE CHARGE NURSE WAS NOTIFIED, SHE SHOULD HAVE ESCORTED HIS ASS OUT IMMEDIATLEY. RIGHT????? RIGHT. anyways He comes 20 mins later and asks me who it was and i pointed to the coward in the purple scrubs. He pushed him out of the facility and asked him “what did you do to her? What did you do to my girlfriiend” to which he replies “I WaS JuSt PlaYinG with HeR.” WHO TF PLAYS WITH A 21 year old like that??? BULLLSHIT. EVERYONE HEARD. NO ONE SAID A THING when it came down to give my report. they all swore to back me up and they didn’t. the police officer got teary eyed as he saw me and said sadly, due to them not cooperating, they couldn’t make a case. Nothing happened. all i could do is get a restraining order. that’s it.... I still have not recovered from that. The disilusionment. The people I trusted. But then again, this isn’t the first time people let me down like that. Just the first time something major happened and it’s hard for me to let go of this. I am in pain. I am hurt. I do not want to hurt anymore. I’m a good fucking person. I used to be passionate about a lot of things and slowly started losing interest in them but this year I will try my best to do those things again. I will go on roadtrips again, i will go to at least one concert, I will read again, I will sing again, I will glue my pieces back together. Nobody got you like you got you. The only two people who was there for me in those moments was my dearest best friend Yulissa and my man, Donavon. I will forever be grateful for having them. Right now, I need to focus on school, get help when needed, don’t hesitate asking for help, and not give as many fucks as I do. I need to stop giving a fuck but lmao it’s so HARD. I CARE ABOUT EVERYTHING TOO MUCH. but the moment i feel like it is not being reciprocated, I SHUT DOWN. I need to stop. I am so tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of feeling so much and nothing at all. I hate not knowing. But must embrace uncertainty. Help me, higher forces. Help me God, if you hear me. I’m sorry for losing faith. I don’t know if I could go back to church again but.... I guess I could try. Idk... Ok going to sleep. bye.

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goodmorningawfulbye · 6 years

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Delta Canon

This one picks up where the last one stopped, and includes some injuries, some blood, some death. Just a heads-up.

She had to find Fortuna.

So off she sailed into the cosmos again, the flapping of her golden wings like the beating of her heart. And she soared, bolting past universes until something tugged on her heart and had her stop.

“Where am I?” She asked the gatekeeper of the universe.

“You are outside the home of a place called Alternia,” they replied.

“But, I am Alternia,” she replied, her inflection on the name slightly different.

“Be that as it may, this realm houses Alternia. What is your business here?”

“I come chasing Entropia. I hear the crying of souls under the thumb of Her whims.”

The gatekeeper looked at her. “You mean Her Im—there is a construct that will save the souls.” The gatekeeper laid a hand on Delta’s arm as she stretched it toward the rotating moons. “The chess match has begun; there’s nothing you need to do. She—you called her Entropia… will be taken down. Sail on, Alternia.”

And so she floated off, waiting until someone called to her again.

She thought as she floated… were Sky and Autumn happy? She could only hope so. Did they miss her? Probably as much as they could miss someone whom they only had vague memories of.

She debated using a tear to make a miniature pool in her palm, so she could check on them, but she wasn’t sure if she could cry again. It was better not to push it, to just have faith that insofar as they had remembered loving her, they missed her now.

She conjured her knitting needles while she waited, thread of the cosmos sliding between her fingers easily as it glid between the needles.

How strange, she thought sometimes, that mortals thought it was their fates she wove. She supposed it was, in a way. The very fabric of space and time, in a flash as she switched hands.

As she knit, trying to weave blessings for Sky and Autumn-- a bumper crop of pumpkins, some extra flowers, just something nice for them-- she found her cheeks wet.

She could cry again. Even the thought of what she’d had to leave behind had her heart aching so fiercely she was trying to heal it.

But… her own tears couldn’t reach her heart.

She looked up as a furious squeal approached, the rumbling of thunder behind it.

“Fortuna,” she breathed. At first, she thought Fortuna was going to pass her, because their eyes didn’t even meet, and half of Fortuna’s body was past Delta already.

But then, a sharp pain as nails like claws closed around the top of Delta’s wing, and pulled.

Fortuna was dragging Delta across the sky, through space and time and everything, and not gently. The thought crossed Delta’s mind of the way mothers dragged naughty children home by their ears. How odd, then, that Fortuna was treating her that way when Delta was older and had only been waiting for Fortuna.

Granted, it was to ask why she’d had to be ripped from her happy life like a mortal, but… still.

Fortuna was getting rougher, grip tightening as Delta flapped in confusion, and an attempt to break away. That is, until Delta heard something in her wing snap, and then Fortuna tossed her through a gateway, following behind her.

But with only one wing (the one Fortuna had been holding hurt terribly now, had ever since the sickening snap), she couldn’t land very well, spiraling down to the ground, landing just outside a town and taking a physical form.

Well, it could have been worse.

She looked up at the sky, trying to triangulate her position in… well, everything.

But instead of finding her place, she found out that “it could have been worse” was cold comfort in the face of where she was. It could have been worse, but not by much.

Fortuna was more upset with Delta than she’d realized.

Delta stretched her shoulders, testing her wing as she looked around. Well, for one thing, her wing was broken. It wasn’t even folding up properly; it hung limply and still hurt.

For another, where she was was a creation of Fortuna’s-- an alternative world, a place where Fortuna had eliminated Delta, it seemed. Moreover, the moon hung scarily close to the ground, almost threatening. Delta didn’t like it here at all. And she wouldn’t have any of her powers, either, if this weak feeling meant anything-- no healing power to her tears, no ability to give life, no wind or water or lightning. Nothing.

For a third thing, there was a clock tower looming over the town she’d made it to, and a thunderhead gathering above it.

As much as she was scared to, Delta steeled herself and prepared to go get some answers.

...and apologize, for whatever it was she had done.

She made her way up the steps of the clock tower with quiet shushing of her shoes, calling out to Fortuna.

“Fortuna? It’s me. I’ve come to talk. I want to say I’m sorry. I don’t know what exactly is going on, but I want to fix it. Fort--”

She choked on the rest of her breath as she was slammed against a wall. She’d made it all the way to the top of the tower, behind the clock’s face, and now she’d been ambushed.

In a flash, she was pinned there, suspended off the ground, run through.

“Fortuna?” she gasped. Her lungs were intact, at least. But, finally, she looked down. Her body wasn’t going to make it through this. And she couldn’t heal herself here, so any body she took from now on would reflect these wounds.

She felt around the blade, gathering some of the blood that was staining her dress on her fingers. She looked up at Fortuna, not speaking, only blinking with her jaw hung open.

Fortuna turned and walked away. “Now you’ll stay put when I tell you to.”

Delta’s eyes rolled back and she collapsed onto the sword keeping her in place.

She didn’t know how long her long-dead body had been pinned behind the clock face, but when she’d finally gathered the strength to dispossess it and look around, she saw that it only added to the decaying atmosphere of the place.

She hadn’t expected anyone to bring flowers to her impromptu grave, so she was surprised to find a single tree branch at the body’s feet.

The moon still hung too close.

Delta shifted her soul from a ball of light to more human-shaped, and slipped away from the mass of flesh still pinned to the wall-- she was impressed that the blade hadn’t rusted and dropped her.

She couldn’t cry. Couldn’t bury her own body. So she did what she was still able to do, despite the fact that when she looked down at her… corporeality, she found a wide, angry scar across her abdomen, and her wing still (and now permanently) broken-- she sang.

Fortuna couldn’t take song away from her, even if she took away every other power Delta had.

#Delta #blood

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survivorsunsetrodeo · 3 years

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Ep 7 | I Just Played Myself - Dan

I BOUGHT THE IDOL LMAOOOO EL PSY KONGROO MOTHERFUCKERS

I am so sorry Timmy, no I am not really, this round is a DOUBLE tribal oh hell no

Okay, amazing. I can never remember what I write in these things but yesterday I was thinking that I didn't want to take Nic to merge and spoke to Taylor about maybe getting Emma and Josh to vote with us and get Nic out if we go to tribal since I wasnt so sure about Brandi and Jabari's stance with him. Jabari was the one who wanted him in the 5 "alliance" and I wasn't sure how Brandi would feel about turning on the alliance.

BUUUUUT Brandi and I were chatting this morning and I mentioned that Emma looked like the easy vote but Nic makes me nervous. Then was like, well, what if we vote Nic instead??? Uh, yes. What a great idea, Brandi!! She pitched it to Jabari and we're all in. We only need 4 but I think it'd be best if Josh and Emma were in on it too. Nic already thinks its Emma.

Sounds like Nic and Emma want to sit out of the immunity challenge. Perfection.

Nic has enough cash for an idol and its for sale this round. IDK if he'd buy and play it just to get through merge. If hes not playing the game he has to feel comfortable enough, right? If he does buy/play an idol Emma will go if he votes for her. I feel like he will. But just in case I think one of the rest of the tribe should also vote Emma. If he throws a vote it'd be a 1-1 tie if he has immunity and we'd revote Emma, but I think that'd be unlikely. Whooo! A little bit of action. I'm getting what I want, Brandi feels like she's in charge, we're keeping our Beeho connections in tact and the whole new Beeho tribe feeling mostly comfortable. Perfect. We still have to get through today and tomorrow before tribal but I feel good.

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You know, I was hoping we'd be able to stay immune until the merge, but clearly the universe is telling me its time to shake things up!

Emma and Josh are, at the point, the only solid allies I have in this game. Merging without them by my side would be awful for my game so at this point I'm going to do whatever I can to protect them.

Prior to reward results, Josh and I decided it would be best to purchase the Tier 1 and Tier 2 idols for this round as a way of not only protecting ourselves, but also making sure that no one else has them to screw with our plans.

I'm pretty sure that according to the Emo Elephant alliance of Jabari, Taylor, Megs, and Brandi, Emma is the target just because of her inactivity. I know though if she wins immunity, Josh will become the target because he's the only one left not in the alliance.

Emma winning immunity would actually be ideal, because then Josh could play his idol on himself, and I could play my idol on myself with the excuse of "I was worried they were voting for me." and it won't look like a coordinated thing.

I think Josh, Emma, and I will end up targeting either Jabari or Taylor. I like them both, but at this point I think it's still worth it to try and preserve an OG Pearl alliance at merge. There's essentially a whole tribe of people I haven't met yet so working with them would be unrealistic.

This vote is going to be crazy, and is definitely going to be the hardest one yet. I like everyone on this tribe and wouldn't be making this move unless I absolutely had to.

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I'm not well versed in Retirement Home Lore but I hope I somehow end up as the person who sat out of the most challenges.

Of course I wanted to win immunity tonight, but I think everything will be okay???? I mean they could easily vote me out going into a possible merge to have the numbers on OG Pearl, but... I just don't see that happening?

I mean I could be boo boo the fool rn but again, I would literally die for Ari. I just feel like we bond too much on a personal level for them to slit my throat at this point. At f7 on? Yeah it's fair game, but I think Ari needs me as much as I need them? Or maybe I'm just a narcissist.

I think I’m in a better position than I originally thought? See the thing about having an idol is I feel like I can be a little more bolder and a little more reckless in the moves I’m trying to make. I probably don’t even need this idol but I’m still going to play it because I’m not about to waste $400 on an idol I won’t play the round it is an actual idol!

I reached out to Taylor telling her about a possible voting bloc of me, her, Jabari and Emma and try to vote out either Megs or Brandi. She seems receptive to it and she also thinks Jabari is open to making some moves. Which checks to what Jabari has been telling to Emma and myself that “As long as Taylor and I are here you aren’t going anywhere.”. I feel like Taylor is an unexpected ally for me. Ideally, me, Emma, Nic, Taylor and Jabari vote out either Megs because she seems to be more socially savvy than Brandi and I think I can still salvage something with Brandi. When we merge I follow Taylor with whatever connections she has on Old Beeho and try to set myself up where I’m protected on all sides.

Worst case scenario is Taylor rats this out to the alliance chat but not all is lost because I think Nic would be willing to play his idol for Emma. Nic is our little rat and I really appreciate him hehe. Now if this happen I really really want it to be a 1-1-1-0-0 vote. Imagine the chaos. El Psy Kongroo

I WON THE 21 FLAGS I REDEEMED MYSELF AND BROKE MY CURSE WHAT A HECKIN RELIEF

so glad my page of madman notes and my alliances with both the other players paid off whewwww. it's been forever since i've had an immunity necklace so i WILL be wearing it with pride! i'm definitely feeling a lot better about tonight's vote now that i have this, but also i am still pretty nervous because chloe has been far too quiet. i feel honestly so bad about not telling her the whole timmy thing but now im just confused like, did that break her and she's given up? or does she have some master scheme advantage shit that she's gonna pull out to make our lives hell? UGH i don't know. it's so awkward to try and talk to her about it and part of me feels like if she's not gonna make the effort i shouldn't either but :(((((( bad vibes y'all. i would have maybe even fought for her if she'd been trying harder, but like i can't just take someone into merge who's giving me nothing and who will probs blow up my spot as soon as we get to the new camp, so at this point the plan is to have me jacob dan vote for chloe and ali throw a vote on dan just in case, and just have chloe do whatever tf she wants i guess.

so the possibilities of what could happen tonight: 1) everything goes according to plan and chloe goes home without much fuss 2) chloe pulls out an idol, then it's either a) split vote between ali/dan and we vote dan on the revote or b) 3 votes negated 2 votes dan 3) if dan goes rogue and also throws a vote, it could get messy in even more ways - if he votes the same as chloe and she doesn't play an idol, we have a 2-2-1 tie where we'd want to revote chloe but then dan could get upset and loose cannon all over the place. if he votes the same as chloe and she does play an idol, whomever they voted (probs ali) goes home. if he votes different from chloe and she doesn't idol, it could either be a 2-1-1-1 or 2-2-1, and if he votes different from her and she does idol it's 1-1-1 or 2-1-1........

like, damn. this five-person vote is like the 3-2-1 flag combination in the challenge: on paper it seems better to have a lower number of factors to think about, but there's so many more ways you can divide and rearrange for different outcomes that you'd really rather avoid it at all costs. basically how i feel about all this is, if chloe sticks around my game is pretty much screwed but also as long as i can keep jacob, i'll have the strength to keep going. losing ali would suck bc he's a solid number always, losing dan would be painful bc i've really grown to like him and he's closer to a strategic match for me, but i have faith that me and jacob can overcome anything together. if jacob goes home somehow.................. i would be absolutely devastated. i'd have no choice but to go all scorched-earth on everyone's asses. if i lose jacob, everyone must suffer. so let's not let jacob go home tonight mmkay? <3

anyway, really hoping we do actually m*rge after this, my plan if chloe doesnt go home tonight is to throw myself at josh and tsl immediately and tell both of them i'll do whatever the fuck they want. if chloe does go home as planned, i'll still reach out to them but i can afford to be a bit more cool and aloof about it.

I think its cool I won immunity. But the double tribal is terrible ngl, I don't want anyone to go because we were such a powerful tribe and I get the reason why we are going. Doesn't make the choice any easier though, I have alot to ponder, I might not even know who I'm voting at tribal.

It all went tits up last time so fuck it

I keep telling myself to smile and breath through the pain of being lied to and that I will get my revenge for Timmy in time. It’s so much more difficult being patient than losing my shit in tribe chat and yelling about everyone or randomly spreading a rumour that there’s a secret duo

This tribal is very... suspicious. It's been quiet ALL DAY and Megs has been throwing my name under the bus to Emma and apparently to Taylor to. She told them that it was ME who came up with Emma's name and that I am not to be trusted. Now I'm not sure if she's saying all of that to convince Emma she's not going home or if she genuinely believes it but either way it's just another reason for me not to trust her. She is clearly a very strategic person who will do anything to ensure she has the power. Well Megs... you're about to be impeached and removed.

I literally have no idea what is going to happen at merge at this point. This tribal is really going to shake things up and anything could happen. I feel like chances are I'll be on the bottom come merge and will probably be an early merge boot, but is there anything I can really do about that? I didn't do anything to deserve being on the bottom of OG Pearl yet it's stuck with me this entire game. You could say I have a victim complex but I am the victim.

youtube

why do these ppl think im dumb as hell thats my personality but not my brain they telling lies like jabari and nic are a duo how nic wants me out then i hear that megs spread my name now i feel chaotic i hope josh gives me his idol because like i really want to play this game i am better now it took a bit but im here and queer :DDD i have nothing against these ppl except jabari for basically pushing me away like if im still here in jury im making notes of this..

Oy! This should be so much easier than its been.

I'm so uncomfortable.

So earlier Brandi, Taylor, Jabari, and I agreed to take out Nic, despite having him in the alliance. Now Jabari seems like she's ready to fall on the sword for him? Where did that come from?? Nic claims he never talks to her.

Reached out to Emma and assured her I want her to stay and floated Nic to her. Obviously she was down. Then I tell her to be careful what she tells Jabari bc i think her and Nic are a pair and up to something. Emma says she talked to Jabari to plead her case and Jabari brushed her off and just said, "dw you're fine" but didnt give a name.

Jabari also floated to Taylor, "we could go with the group or make a move with Emma and Josh." And Taylor said "No" and then Jabari said okay, its between Emma and Josh then.

Like I don't know where Jabari's head is at. I feel like Taylor would tell me if she heard my name. I also feel like that'd be fucked up if Jabari wanted me out after I helped her practice for the immunity challenge but I really really dont know! Maybe its Brandi? Ugh

I trust Brandi and Taylor's vote.

I want to believe Emma will also vote Nic.

Josh doesnt seem to have a great strategic mind. I spoke to him a little last night before I went to bed and he suggested staying OG Pearl strong. Weak strategy but also we wont have majority unless Dan DOESNT go tonight. Then we'd go in even and Beeho would have proven to be very strong in their ties, what would stop any OG Pearl (me lol) from flipping and putting OG Pearl in the minority to pick off? No. I was trying to lead him to think Nic was the untrustworthy one but it either went over his head or he's also with Nic. By the number of times he says "I dont understand" or "I really don't get it" in a day, he might've just missed my subtle directing. Fortunately, Emma said she'd talk to him and Brandi wants to give him a call before tribal and convince him to vote Nic.

And I just cant read Nic. I can't tell if he's comfortable or knows I don't trust him and is lying to me as much as I'm lying to him. Does he have an idol? He talks about the shop A LOT and had enough to buy one of them. He said his goal was to make it past merge so I wouldn't put it past him to buy and play one even if he was comfortable just to make it.

Even that would be fine if I felt confident that the vote was on Emma and not me Brandi or Taylor. I feel like someone would tell at least one of us if something was up but if its Jabari Nic Emma and Josh together, thats a majority and whoever they vote is done.

Its so scary. I don't like being afraid so fuck it, I'm just going to vote Nic. I really feel like they arent voting TSL so in case it is me, ofc I want my buddy to have the best chance so I'm going to give her all my money before tribal. I would be surprised if I was voted out but better have a back up plan in case it goes awry. She'll give it back and I'll buy the top tier idol just before radomizing at what, 11 tonight? Kinda a waste to try to be sneaky since the item is taken out of the randomizer but *shrug*

So in conclusion I'm terrified but I'm still voting Nic. Getting Nic out would take out someone I'm suspicious of, eliminate the threat of a pair (Jabari/Nic), gain hopefully lasting loyalty from Emma for giving her a chance, and working with Taylor to get ins with Beeho in case they're very OG Beeho Strong. Jabari might be mad but she's so much better at games than me and I do NOT want to go to the end with her. She is a CHAMP.

These people are scrambling like crazy...............

This should be the most easy straightforward vote of the season and I’m freaking the fuck out. It seems too good to be true that it’s Chloe.

Chloe has done very little to get out of this pickle she’s in. I’m very worried that she may have some sort of advantage that might get her out of this mess, but at the same time idk. She allegedly has no money because of exile. But is that because she got something for risking it??? Idfk man.

I’m tempted to throw a vote on Jacob just in case of an idol play and everyone else but Chloe votes for Chloe. Idk I mean no one would know? And if she cancels a vote or two it won’t matter. Idek I’m in my head sooooo bad

ahhhh i'm at work so sorry for no video but we are voting chloe tonight and dan ari and ali and i are in an alliance and we're going to attempt to dominate at merge so yay

So apparently Megs, Brandi, and Taylor are throwing my name out because they believe 1.) I've been the one causing all the drama and 2.) I'm in a duo with Jabari. I've literally never had a one on one strategic convo w/ Jabari and barely speak with her in general. Also I've made it a point to not cause drama this season AT ALL and remain calm and under the radar. So to see it all crash down on me regardless is really disheartening. I also really liked Brandi so to learn she was the one spreading the rumor that Jabari and I are a duo sucks. I'm really confused as to why all this drama is being created and then being pinned on me. Oh well.

To continue on this point..

All this drama is being stirred up and being pinned on me and it sucks. I used to be a super dramatic and chaotic person and I've literally made it such a point to change this season. It's why I went home season 1 and I've done everything in my power not to let that happen again. I'm not sure why Megs and Brandi were so quick to turn on me? Like honestly? Megs is kinda the villain of the season and Brandi is her minion. Like the Despicable Me type of Minion. Which makes Megs Gru.

Power Rankings: ONE - TAYLOR (+1) Threat: 8 (+1)  Fuck I don’t think I realized how much power I had over people until this round. Megs was close to being a goner this round, still could be but I fixed the situation unless an idol pops up. I had a call with josh where he basically said im his number one and will vote how I do because im the only one he trusts, so he should be voting Nic this round. I also got megs to give me all her money incase she leaves this round. TWO - MEGS (-1) Threat: 8 (-1) Trust: 10 (+1) This has been a wild round, megs rolls in at #2 for a couple reasons. People are onto her, they know how big her threat level is and I knew it would come. I think I stuck my neck out too much for her this round. But she still has enough control over people that I don’t have, like brandi, which is why she comes in at #2. THREE - BRANDI (NC) Threat: 6 (NC) Trust: 8 (+4) Brandi comes in at number 3 because no one is saying her name, she’s sitting pretty and not having to lift a finger. However, she is getting grouped with megs which could be a danger to her game. Brandi is definitely UTR, and doing a good job keeping it that way. Brandi’s trust shot up because I know she doesn’t have any other option right now that to stick with megs, and I know megs and I are good. FOUR - JABARI (NC) Threat: 8 (+3) Trust: 2 (-6) Jabari almost pulled off a massive move this round in getting megs, she included me in it however, and I was able to diffuse the bomb before it exploded. Her trying to make this move is why her threat level increases. She’s onto me though, she told josh that she thinks I leaked it to megs, which I did. So that’s why I dont trust her anymore, I need her to leave ASAP. FIVE - JOSH (NC) Threat: 3 (+1) Trust: 9 (+6) Josh and I made a lot of progress this round. We had our first one on one call where he told me I was his number one. He said he trusts me, he gave me a lot of info on his concerns and also what people have been telling him. I don’t think he has enough social capital to make things happen, and even if he did he wouldn’t do it without me. SIX - EMMA (NC) Threat: 1 (NC) Trust: 3 (NC) I think the only reason Emma isn’t a goner this round is because megs wants Nic gone. She kinda just does as she’s told and that’s about it. Not a terrible strategy but annoying for someone like me who doesn’t particularly trust her. Emma doesn’t have a lot of say in what happens, but is included in the majorities plans as Jabari wanted her a part of the megs blindside, and megs wanted her a part of the Nic blindside. SEVEN - NIC (NC) Threat: 6 (NC) Trust: 2 (-4) I had a very bad round with Nic. I can tell Jabari leaked to him that his name is out there, and I know hes come to me saying that people think hes stupid and hes talking about me. I dont think hes stupid, I just dont have trust built with him. He doesn’t hold a lot of power this round, he likely is the one leaving unless he has an idol.

#confessionals #AintNoGloryInTheWest

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beautiful-rebellious-sunflower · 7 years

Note

Hi! So I'm trying to convince a friend who isn't really a fan of Abby that she's a precious cinnamon roll. What evidence/arguments/gentle nudging would help to show them the light? :)

You know what? I started writing out a whole long essay of feels about Abby Griffin and why I love her so much, but I realised anything like that was gonna be WAY too long! So here it is condensed into handy bullet pointed list form!

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ DISCLAIMER

Someone not liking Abby as a character is fine! I don’t expect my fave to be everyone’s fave, and sometimes you get a character who just rubs you the wrong way and you might not even be able to explain why. But, since I was asked, these are some of the reasons *I* love Abby Griffin, and some responses to common criticisms of her (many of which I genuinely think are deeply unfair and based on ridiculously inaccurate interpretations of her character)

Onwards!

she’s a talented Doctor and Scientist

she designed the wristbands! the whole ‘sending the 100 to the ground’ thing was LITERALLY HER IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE THERE WOULD BE NO SHOW without Abby Griffin

“the most respected person in this camp"

when Clarke destroys Mount Weather she immediately wants to use all that tech not for killing Grounders like Pike does, but for opening a hospital and healing Grounders and Sky people alike god whatever happened to THAT storyline btw??

saves Nyko’s life

saves Raven’s life

saves Lincoln’s life with an amazing smart, brave moment of sheer shocklashing badassery, and by doing so…

becomes the first person EVER to bring back a Reaper!!! Thus enabling Clarke to win an alliance with the Grounders and presumably becoming a legend with them because she LITERALLY BROUGHT A DUDE BACK FROM THE DEAD YO INDRA DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT

saves Finn’s life long-distance over the radio (look we all have our faults but Clarke, Raven and Octavia are equally to blame for this one so no foul to Abby)

saves Marcus’ life under the rubble of Tondc

saves Roan’s life when he’s shot

…literally are you getting my point half the people in the show would be dead if it it weren’t for her

keeps Ontari alive (and thus helps Clarke save the world) by CRACKING OPEN HER CHEST AND MANUALLY PUMPING HER HEART look even Murphy was impressed by that

she’s super badass and incredibly brave even without resorting to violence and killing like other characters

willing to go to jail and the airlock (!!!) multiple times to try and save the people due to die in the Culling

willing to fire herself at the Earth in an ancient rocket cobbled together by Raven just for the chance that she can prove the kids are alive

goes to meet Indra, a heavily armed enemy warrior leader, alone and unarmed, and doesn’t back down even with a knife held to her throat

climbs into the rubble of Tondc to save people even though she herself was safely out of it

saves Raven’s life (again!) by taking the chip when ALIE makes her cut her wrists

saves Jackson and Miller’s lives on Science Island by distracting a drone

she’s a devoted, loving and good mother (FUCK YOU I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL)

kind of a surrogate mom to Jackson who lost his mom at a young age

clearly wants to adopt both Raven and Murphy too

willing to move heaven and earth to find Clarke and protect her

stands up to Jaha to back Clarke in season two even as he tries to have her deposed and thrown into the stockade because…

“I have faith too. In my daughter.”

also in season two, defers to Clarke and gives up any chance of finding survivors from the other Ark stations to focus on rescuing the kids in Mount Weather

understands why Clarke left post-season two and even though it’s clearly hurting her she doesn’t try and drag her back before ‘she wants to be found’

look I don’t want to go too far on this because some of the time Abby DOES show poor judgement and go overboard in trying to protect Clarke?? I can’t deny that but honestly if the worst u can say about Abby Griffin is that she loves her daughter too much then you’re reaching pretty badly tbh, considering other characters have list of faults that literally include ‘torture’ and ‘genocide’

she’s a woman of extraordinary integrity and deeply held ethics, but also pragmatic and not stupid about it

“You don’t have to justify yourself.I broke the rules and I accept the consequences”

she ALWAYS does what she thinks is right…but she also NEVER shies away from the consequences

horrified by what Clarke does in letting Tondc be bombed…but keeps the secret anyway because she knows it’s necessary

deeply hurt by Clarke’s coup in S2 and shocked at the change in her daughter…but steps aside for her anyway to avoid more bloodshed from an actual fight

haunted and grief stricken by her beloved husband’s death…but was the one to turn him in, because she believed that risking the life of one person she loved couldn’t outweigh the risk of many more lives being lost by his actions

she’s the kindest, sweetest darling

befriends Raven, sees potential in her and treats her as an equal and an ally

besties with Purest Cinnamon Roll Jackson

sees the potential in John Murphy

respects and trusts Lincoln as an advisor when she’s Chancellor

constantly torn between worry and pride for her wayward daughter but would do anything to keep her safe

forgives Marcus Kane for all the bullshit he put her through and ends up being his biggest supporter and ally and helping him to become a better man

constantly trying to heal everyone and save everyone even though she knows she can’t

constantly trying to find solutions that don’t involve violence and death

wracked with guilt for things she couldn’t have forseen and couldn’t change, worries that she isn’t a good person and doesn’t deserve to survive

led Arkadia in three months of real peace, turning a ramshackle camp into a growing, flourishing home even while dealing with her own personal grief over Clarke being missing

doesn’t get enough sleep

her smile is like the sun coming out from behind the clouds

Abby Griffin in conclusion

she’s incredibly smart

she’s extraordinarily courageous

she’s self-sacrificing

she’s kind and compassionate

she’s passionately driven and principled

she’s willing to get her own hands dirty

she takes care of everyone even though no-one ever takes care of her

she has to try and be a leader AND a doctor AND a mother all at once and even though it means she’s constantly overworked and has to make impossible choices, she willingly bears the burden of those responsibilities

BONUS ROUND UNDER THE CUT!!! Common reasons people give for disliking Abby, and my response to them! :D

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ DISCLAIMER THE SECOND

Again, this is all just my opinion, and I don’t want to start an argument with anyone who disagrees. The ask here was ‘what evidence/arguments would I use’ so I thought a useful thing would be to lay out why the common arguments of those who don’t like Abby as a character do not sway me personally. My intention is to counter these criticisms with my own thoughts on the subject, not invalidate them.

Onwards!

“She’s an overbearing mother who doesn’t believe in Clarke’s leadership and competency even though it’s been proven again and again. She constantly tries to protect her when Clarke can clearly take care of herself and is trying to Get Shit Done without her mom’s interference.”

This is probably the most common one, and honestly I’m afraid I’m gonna have to repeat myself from my point above - if the worst thing you can say about Abby Griffin is that she loves her daughter too much…assuming that most people who make this argument love Clarke too, it seems like a bizarre reason to dislike Abby?

It also strikes me as oddly lacking in context. Overbearing parents can suck, sure, but…Abby Griffin isn’t getting mad about her daughter staying out late partying with friends or getting poor exam results. Abby Griffin is a mother desperately trying to prevent her only child from being brutally killed, or turning into a cold, ruthless killing machine herself, or else just ending up so broken and emotionally scarred that she loses her forever in another way.

These are not unreasonable concerns. These are things that happen to characters on this show!

Abby doesn’t want to lose her daughter. She doesn’t want her daughter to be hurt. She doesn’t want her daughter to have to make the terrible choices and unbearable sacrifices that a leader in Clarke’s position is so often called upon to do. And you know what? In her position I wouldn’t want that for MY daughter either! Is Abby selfish to want to spare her daughter these burdens? Maybe. Is she naive to think she can continue to protect Clarke under these circumstances? Almost certainly. But I can’t find it in my heart to blame her for trying.

Another thing I would really like to point out here that I think is often shamefully overlooked is that this is a flaw of Abby’s that improves with time. Yes, Abby does often question Clarke’s authority in season two and she is stubborn and open in her dismay at the change in her daughter that the Ground has wrought. But as time goes by Abby consistently backs Clarke and defers to her time and time again - standing up for her against Jaha, prioritizing her friends in Mount Weather above finding other Ark survivors, keeping the secret of the Tondc bombing…by the time season two ends Abby has come to terms with the person Clarke has become, and throughout season three and four she is nothing but a supportive and staunch ally to Clarke’s plans.

When they disagree on something Abby will always speak her mind, and when Clarke is in danger Abby will always try to protect her…just as any mother would, and as any of Clarke’s friends would. But if there’s one thing Abby Griffin has, it’s unwavering love and faith in her daughter. Clarke is clearly the person Abby cares most for in the world, and their relationship is one of the most important in the show - whether they’re at odds or working together, that relationship always makes both Clarke and Abby more interesting and more sympathetic to me. It feels like a genuine shame to me that some people find it a cause for resentment towards either of these characters instead.

“She’s reckless and doesn’t think through the consequences of her actions. She gave Finn a gun and he slaughtered a Grounder village! She smashed that machine in season four just to save Clarke when the entire human race was at stake!”

Actually I somewhat agree with this one! One of Abby’s faults throughout the show is that she often acts impulsively and makes unilateral decisions to do what she believes is right. Sometimes she turns out to be right…sometimes not. Either way this is something that makes me like Abby more as a character - she’s fallible and human! She makes mistakes! She’s so single minded about protecting her daughter that it can blind her to other concerns!

It makes her a much more interesting character, in my opinion, than an Abby Griffin who is unequivocally Right All The Time. As something of a moral compass for the show, it would be very easy for her to be boring, and having that stubborn, reckless streak makes her far more fun to watch. Give me morphine-stealing, black-market-dealing, do-whatever-it-takes-and-lie-through-your-teeth-to-get-what-you-want Slytherin Abby Griffin any day!

Because…at the end of the day, everything Abby does, good and bad, is done out of love for her daughter, and responsibility to her people. She’s not always right, but she is always - to paraphrase Jake Griffin - ‘doing the best she can.’ And I can’t help but love her for that, and root for her to succeed.

“She slapped Raven that one time.”

Yeah, that was a dick move. What, you expected something different? Just because I love Abby doesn’t mean I have to blindly agree with everything she does! As it happens, I share the opinion of a lot of people who think the writing for the show was at fault in this instance - I don’t think that slap was AT ALL in character for Abby to do, but that’s a discussion for another time. Assuming it IS taken as canon…yeah it was a total dick move. I hope (and genuinely believe) that Abby apologised to Raven afterwards.

But again, I can’t help but think…if the worst charge you can level against Abby Griffin is ‘she slapped someone who didn’t deserve it one time’ then in the context of THIS show that speaks pretty well of Abby, to be honest. Of course it’s absurd to argue that any bad thing Abby does is just fine because other people have done worse things but…just…it’s not unreasonable to get a little perspective here, maybe? This one instance of Abby doing something admittedly unpleasant and unjustified to Raven in a moment of stress is nowhere near enough to cancel out the genuine and loving friendship the two share for the rest of the show, and seems like a pretty thin reason to Hate Abby Forever, especially considering all the awful things literally every other character in the show has done at one point or another except for my precious son Jackson

So although I agree in principle, a lot of the time when people trot out this particular argument it feels a lot to me like playing on everyone’s love of Raven to try and get them to hate Abby…which leaves a nasty ‘pitting women against each other’ taste in my mouth, to be honest.

So yeah, I don’t like this scene. I don’t like what Abby does in this scene. I won’t make apologies for her behavior here. But what I like least of all is anyone who tries to use this scene as some kind of unforgivable indictment of Abby’s character, when it is quite clearly exceptional and uncharacteristic behavior for her; something never seen before or since.

It was a dick move though.

“She killed her husband!”

*sighhhhhh*

I don’t hear this one a lot these days, but I really don’t know why it ever comes up at all as a reason to hate Abby? I mean, I can’t believe I have to spell this out for people because it is all explicitly laid out for you on screen in the show, but here in handy list form:

Abby clearly and demonstrably loved Jake Griffin, was terrified that he might be killed for exposing secret information and begged him not to do it

when he refused to back down, Abby confided in Jaha about his plans, because she genuinely believed that Jake was going to doom everyone on the Ark by going public, including Clarke

Abby and Jake were both personal friends with Jaha, and Abby believed that he would not execute Jake - a reasonable thing to think, as Jake had not yet committed a crime and Jaha HAD the power of pardon and was more than willing to use it on Abby when she later broke the law to save HIS life (hey fuck you Thelonius by the way)

when this did not happen and Jake was executed anyway, Abby was clearly and demonstrably horrified and grief stricken

even though Jake Griffin’s death was neither her intention nor her fault, she still obviously bears terrible guilt for her role in it and will have to live with the pain of losing the man she loved every day for the rest of her life

…seriously, this is all there on screen. Why some people persist in portraying Abby as some kind of cackling murderess who happily shoved her husband out of an airlock is beyond me. She trusted the wrong person and made a terrible mistake; an attempt to save lives that ended up losing the life of someone she loved deeply. It was a tragedy for everyone involved, born of the choices made by several different people all acting out of the best of intentions. Abby never came across as anything but deeply sympathetic to me when I watched this storyline play out on screen, and I’m just baffled that anyone feels otherwise? What show were you watching?

“She’s old and boring.”

Hey: fuck you!

Ok so not a lot of people straight up come out and say this, but a lot of the hate towards Abby Griffin really does seem to be because she has the audacity to be a woman over forty on TV. If you hate Abby because she displays characteristics or acts in a way that you would be swooning over if given to a sexy young man in his 20s, then the problem is a whole lot of socially ingrained ageism and misogyny, and there’s not a lot I can do to persuade people out of that.

~**~IN CONCLUSION~**~

A lot of people have different reasons for not liking Abby Griffin as a character, just as is the case for any character in any work of fiction. Some of them I can understand, even if I don’t personally agree with them. Some of them I think are both unfair and unreasonable. However, at the end of the day, all I can do is try and explain my own reasons for Abby being my favourite character, which I have done at…uh…some length. WOOPS.

I love Abby. I think she’s an interesting character,a sympathetic character, a vibrant and complicated and vital character. She’s someone I look up to, the kind of person I would like to be. And it bums me out to think that there are fans who just don’t like her, or simply don’t care about her, and that I will probably never be able to change their minds on that.

But there are plenty of people who feel the same way I do too. So Anon, if you are still reading this - and frankly I wouldn’t blame you if you had given up some time ago - my advice for you is this:

Agree to disagree. Talk to your friend about characters you both love in the show. Ask them to keep an open mind about Abby, and try to find out why they just haven’t warmed to her in the way you presumably have. And if you ever want to flail over our smol cinnamon roll science babe queen…there are plenty of us ready and waiting to join you :)

#Anonymous #The 100 #Abby Griffin #The 100 meta #all I can say about this is...well...you asked #I am always up for talking about Abby

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survivorazores · 7 years

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Ep. 14- “#NotTotallyAnEmotionalMess“ - Emily

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164275878478/individual-immunity-5

ugh I feel bad about that. he was such a good kid :(

I'm so pissed. Soooooo pissed. Go Mo for realizing he's going then calling me out and ruining my already ruined game. I guess I have to play my ass off in this comp huh! Not cute at all. If I lose, I go home. Unless I can turn the tables on Amanda Lynn. I'm not sitting around and doing her dirty work anymore! Also, pissed because three of my frickin video confessions have yet to upload. I'll work on that. But just know I'm not happy at the moment.

Six guesses total, will this be the challenge I FINALLY win? Or will queen Emily win AGAAAAAIN? Find out soon on Survivor Azores! I think six guesses isn't bad, I usually suck at this challenge but this time I like made a spreadsheet and stayed organized so i wouldn't make any simple mistakes.

I literally have an f2/f3 agreement with more than half the remaining cast at this point and that's either gonna go well for me or blow up in my face, because we're reaching a crossroads where I'm gonna have to turn on one alliance, whether it be taking out Ruthie next vote, flipping on Amanda/Abbey at some point, or voting out Ali whenever it comes to it so... There's a very real chance that I'll be seen as too much of a follower but I really hope that I can show my social game saved me and my allies multiple times throughout the game and that the people I turn on, whoever it ends up being, won't be too bitter with me. Also this interaction just took years of my lifespan Ali wtf [8/16/17, 11:28:34 PM] Ali TAnveer: We should def stick together [8/16/17, 11:28:40 PM] Ali TAnveer: Till the end [8/16/17, 11:30:05 PM] Will: yeah? im into it [8/16/17, 11:30:44 PM] Ali TAnveer: Into what :o [8/16/17, 11:31:00 PM] Will: …sticking together [8/16/17, 11:31:34 PM] Ali TAnveer: Sticking what together [8/16/17, 11:31:52 PM] Will: .

I'm not confident in my Mastermind score in the slightest. I have a feeling I'm going to lose this one. This was the one immunity I really knew I needed. I'm so worried that I'm going home this round and it's really frustrating. If things are looking grim, I'll try my hardest to get Amanda Lynn out, though I feel that it's only smart to go after her when I'm immune. I need to start doing some damage and destroying her reputation to get the numbers. I know Mo just called me out last tribal and it'll be hard for me to convince people that Amanda is going to win over me, but I'm going to try. I need her out. And I'm pretty sure this is my last round if I don't. Wish me luck.

1. http://youtu.be/mMp32kOZIWk 2. http://youtu.be/VhVyp9ah-84

Have you ever wanted to die so much? Someone has the fuckin idol and ... I just want to die. So much death. I yearn it. I truly thought... I truly thought we would find it. I love being optimistic and naive. I love being Boo Boo The Fool. I just love it. I just love how things are not working out for me. I just love how I know that, at this point, if I don't win competitions I'm 1.) getting voted out or 2.) getting idoled out. Final Tribal Council... I wish I could have the pleasure to get to know you... its_just_not_realistic.gif

So we've had an idol doc with a running list of all the spots we've searched. Somehow it managed to be in the last spot we searched and it was gone alsjdhskals. We looked high and low and all we got was disappointment. Today has been a mess but at least the fish I had for dinner was good.

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164304312123/immunity-results

Bwkwbwkwbwkwnwj what a turn of events. Neither myself or Amanda won/tied??? Interesting. I'm pulling for Abbey so hard. I'm just hoping the Gal Pals don't turn on me like I'm about to in final six... lol. Sticking with them this round because it's very risky. I came up with a plan to split the votes 3 Will 2 Ruthie just in case either of them have an idol. I'm just hoping Ruthie doesn't win immunity Y I K E S!!!

It is established that Francie also tied with Abbey and Ruthie

Me tying with Abbey and Francie? TIME TO WIN, my fingers are crossed!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mgy3bmUTIhQ&app=desktop

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164309230348/tiebreak-results-2

FRANCIE DID THAT!!! SHE REALLY DID!!! If anyone else had to win, I'm glad it's her!!! And now our tie plan can work :-) I'm so happy??? As long as no one votes me out tonight.

I mean if everyone's smart they'll get Emily out right now, but some people tend to get a little nervous and start to make random cracked moves for no reason, but hey as long as I'm not the one with the target on my back I'm happy. I genuinely believe that Amanda Lynn and Abbey are with me until the end, but I also know that Ali and Ruthie are close enough to me and think they can trust me enough to tell me if things are going wrong and... that's when I can strike :) so if anyone wants to play any funny business games they can go for it. At this point I'm just playing to get to the end and while I have promised to several people that it would be with them, all I care about is myself getting there. That's the only way I have a shot at winning, that's how the game goes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyB77vbXmzk&feature=youtu.be

http://youtu.be/GrcH9IlRo-E

I'm.....holy shit I can't believe it. I really only got it in 5 and not 6 because I got the right colors in the first three guesses as opposed to the first four but still I'm in shock

Ok here's a better confessional. So I managed to win the mastermind tie breaker for individual immunity, and was only in the tie breaker bc I noticed Jay messed up reporting info which could've affected my score so I did it again and I got it in 6 that time. There is somewhat of a luck element in mastermind bc the first few rounds are just you figuring out what colors are in play and I managed to pick the right ones so that I got all 5 colors in 3 rounds and could guess the order in the next two as opposed to taking 4 rounds to determine the colors which was a big help. If it weren't for that there might've been another tie. Well, not might have, probably.

So the plan for tribal is a 2-3 split between Ruthie and Will, respectively. We're splitting the vote in case an idol is played so depending on how the idol is played it will either send someone home by 3 votes or force a tie and then we revote from there. I'm pretty sure Ali is loyal to us so the votes should work out. Hopefully an idol doesn't get played tonight but this time we have a better plan for if one does.

http://youtu.be/q6t7hEaZuaI

I have been making so many video confessions recently because I truly don't know how to type out what I'm feeling but I think cracked Emily is coming out. She's going crazy. She needs help. I literally have been ranting to my parents about this game because I don't have anyone else I trust and I really want to die. I'm putting my faith in Ali right now and hoping he can guide me to the promise land: final six. The thing that's killing me about this game is that FTC is so close I can taste it and my anxiety is taking over like a parasite. I get nauseous before every tribal but this one especially. I don't want to go home!!! I want to stay!!! Hopefully the Gal Pals are going to stay loyal to me for one more round then I can cut off the head of our alliance and watch the island burn. I'm going absolutely bonkers and I don't know how to stop myself. I need to chill out I need to chill out I need to chill out!!!!

OKay so I know I made a really long confessional last night with Duncan and Host Ali and people are probably not going to watch it but I just have a lot of thoughts about this tribal, that is happening 90 minutes earlier than usual, by the way. There is no denying that if Emily makes it to the end of the game, it’s going to be really hard for anyone to beat her. She has been in on all of the strategizing and (so it seems to everyone else) she has spear-headed every elimination. It just makes sense. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel bad. I genuinely feel terrible about voting for her (I don’t say “vote her out” because I fully expect to be blindsided tonight). This is the first game I’ve played where I am turning on an ally. And it sucks. I genuinely like Emily. I’ve been close with her since literally the first few minutes of the game, and I haven’t lied to her at all in this game until right now. And it sucks. It also sucks because I feel like I could lose trust with Francie and that I’ll be in danger after this round anyway. These girls are sweet and kind and this completely sucks. I’m also trying to think about like, what to do after this. How do I get to the end against people I can win against. I know I’m not gonna vote Abbey out. It’s just not happening. And I know that I could lose the game because of it. People are probably going to say that our friendship is the reason that we made it this far. Well if they do, I’m gonna counter it with…. Ashley and Ruthie are friends… yet they aren’t here together. Emily and Francie became friends in this game, and (if tonight goes as planned) they aren’t here together. I just have a bad feeling that people are gonna say the game was rigged (as if Jay would ever). I’m working really hard this game, and to think that people could say that I only made it as far as I did because of a rig or a premade or bc I’m a series admin is gonna suck. Don’t discredit my success bc you couldn’t figure out that we were close before this point, even though there have been multiple challenges surrounding the wiki, where it says that we are admins, with our skype names, and access to season blogs, on which you can find numerous posts containing Google Hangouts that Abbey and I both appear on as hosts.. Like… ugh…. http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-UyIGOY7DZOE/VdZKz9vWL-I/AAAAAAAAHuk/c3BZlQN58cU/mean-girls-I-just-have-a-lot-of-feel%25255B1%25255D.gif?imgmax=800

I am so emo I think I'm GOING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I told Ali that I don't trust Amanda Lynn and he agrees with me. I think he will be the one that I need to help get Amanda Lynn out. I have his vote should we get her out this tribal. Now I just need to get Francie's and Ruthie's, which I think I will be able to do? Call me optimistic. But should I go this round, Amanda Lynn gets my vote no matter what. If she is at FTC, I vote for her. The only way someone else can get me vote is if they orchestrate her tribal. If I can't do it, I'll vote for the person that can. I am just praying my life is spared this tribal. I am PRAYING!!! Please Survivor Gods, I've been a good egg, let me do this for you. Let me survive another round. Let me win another immunity. Please!!! I'll stay optimistic until my torch is snuffed. :-/

So basically im never going to win! No matter who I go to the end with I'm going to lose. Amanda will always beat me and I dont want to go with anyone else but her. Im scared that shes going home this round but theres really truly nothing I can do about it. Emily will always win if she makes it and Will is also a threat. The only way I have a chance is if its with Francie and Ali. Deep sigh.

Tonight will be the one that REALLY determines if my f3 is together or not, because if anything happens besides five (or four if Ali ends up flipping) of us voting Emily, it's gonna be messy. Everyone knows they can't win against Emily though, like she's playing an amazing game and even she knows she's the one to beat. An ideal final five still has Francie in it, if Abbey/Amanda/Francie end up voting Ruthie I can somehow avoid the blame and keep Ruthie's jury vote, and then Ali will know I can't do anything to save him. There's so many ways this can work out I just need to figure out the best one that will win me the game.

So tribal is moments away and I can't be there for live tribal bc of a family thing but I'm really nervous. If I get voted out tonight, well, it's been fun. I'm glad I played. And tbh if Emily gets to the end... she will probably have my vote. Hopefully it's the other way around but if not, it's been good.

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164348224108/tribal-14-emily-voted-out-5-2-will-received-2

LAST WORDS: This has been an absolutely wonderful game and I am so thankful for the people I have met throughout this process. No matter what happened, I knew this would be a super fun experience. I would like to especially thank Toph, Rafael, Bryce, Amanda G for being such wonderful friends - no matter how messy our NFPs alliance was. (Amanda G especially!!!) Thank you to Jay and Ali for being great hosts for a lost girl's first game. I also wanna thank anyone who put their faith in me and drafted me - sorry I let you down :-/

I have some regrets in this game, but it's all good. I had so much fun and I can't wait to play more games in the future!!! I'm still rooting for my Gal Pals - I love them no matter what. I want to see the three of them at final tribal council. :-) I wish the best of luck to everyone still in the game!!! Also, I'm proud of myself for not crying over my tribal like I thought I would. #NotTotallyAnEmotionalMess? It's been lit.

Emily becomes the sixth member of the jury, and the seventh placer of Survivor Azores

#imthegreatergood #episodes

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ualscout · 5 years

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Captain's Log: No One

I did roughly 8 hours of field research for this project. If that doesn’t show how hyped I was, I don’t know what does.

We were told to go to the British Museum to take notes and sketches of artifacts that interested us. We’d then incorporate our research into our first animatic by centering/including the artifact in a story. The British Museum is a pretty fukken big museum, host to artifacts from cultures all over the world. I was gonna be there a while.

My first area of interest was the Ancient Egypt section. Even thought it was packed, I took a lot of sketches and notes on stuff I could picture as the centerpiece of a story- a means of congregating or hosting. For instance, a lot of libations bowls that would be used by many people a day who visited a temple took my interest, or the towering sarcophagi that looked way too big for only one person. I initially didn’t want the artifact to become the character, but to assist the characters interacting with it. That way, I could tell a story around it.

My next stop was the Ancient Greece section. As a kid, I knew everything about greek mythos. It’s a religion not only with multiple gods, but fatally flawed gods is so interesting to me. I took a lot of notes, but most of the notes ended up being around the story as opposed to the aesthetic of the artifact. The Greeks shared an area with the Romans, so I took some notes there as well. I moved onto Ancient Asia. There was a lot of interesting material, I liked to look at the jade crystal carvings and imagine the cronch from biting down on one. They had interesting masks, but not too much stood out to me in there. As I spent more time in the museum, the more monotonous everything got. I don’t think it’s the cultures being repetitive, but it does show how humanity fixates on very similar topics, even beyond cultural barriers. Kind of like parallel evolution. Where I really started to find my spark was Ancient Europe and Scandinavia. Aesthetically and mythologically, I love vikings. Pagan traditions are really cool as well, it all just seems so foreign to me (we don’t learn much about it in American schools). Stuff was interesting me again, but nothing was really catching my eye… Until I was being ushered out of the museum at closing time. I saw a deer skull, the antlers still attached, with holes drilled in.

It was from Star Carr. Made of red deer skull, it served as a headpiece and is among the oldest evidences of shamanic religion. It seemed so unsettling in an ancient and earthy way on its own, the idea of someone wearing it intrigued me. Coming home, I started on three base ideas to bring into class. The first was using an ancient viking mirror as a gateway between an eldritch horror and a young adult who’s distant grandmother just passed away and received the mirror as inheritance… except the eldritch horror acts like an elderly guy with clearly racist beliefs but trying to seem like he doesn’t. They talk by fogging up the mirror and writing.

The second was two people arguing over who would win in a fight: a person on horseback or a centaur. Inspired by the fact that any times centaurs are featured in art, they’re always fighting a human. Even after writing a rough script for it, I don’t know who would win.

The last idea was using the mask I found. I liked the idea of it holding an ancient spirit tasked with protecting a humanity that has long since forgotten its existence. I also liked the idea of it being able to possess other living creatures. Not sure if I wanted it to be horror or not, but it would certainly be unsettling. You can probably tell which idea I went with.

Today, we wrote a script. This is the only area I have any expertise in. My script ended up being 10 or so pages of screen direction and character building, but I finished the dialogue as well.

The story follows three hikers who venture into some Scandinavian woods on a backpacking trip. Haak is the most serious and the leader, he has the most survival skills out of the group. Maya is the prankster of the crew, but is just as experienced as Haak. Robyn is the physically weakest character, often scared by everything and unnerved by the surroundings. The characters leave their car and enter the woods, but not before trying to make sense of the cryptic writing on the worn and torn trailhead. Robyn is the only one who seems to pay any mind to it. As the group start, a narrator that could be Robyn starts speaking about “tales for a trip through the woods.” The tips start out as actual advice one would use for a backpacking trip, like packing extra food and always having a map, but slowly get more cryptic and unsettling. The characters make their way through the assortment of settings in the woods, focusing more on the nature around them instead of what the group is doing. As the tips get more cryptic, saying stuff like “it may seem like the trees are following you, they’re just keeping an eye on you” and “be grateful you don’t know what’s under the dirt, pray you never find out,” the forest seems to retaliate against the characters. For instance, they get lost and double cross an area they’ve already been in, get haunted by the eyes on the birch trees, and more. Eventually, it all leads up to a normal bear attack being an Ursa Major, a bear with stars in its pelt and no need to hold a solid corporeal form. Haak and Maya get struck down by the bear after supposedly subduing it. As it’s coming for Robyn, Robyn backs up into the form that was following from beginning. The head is out of shot, but it puts a strange headpiece on Robyn, and allows Robyn to fight back against the bear. Once the fight is over, Robyn is faced with the ancient spirit who saved them- a towering, scraggly figure made of twigs and forest materials. It’s creepy to look at, and was framed at the start to be the creature tormenting the group. The creature reaches out and touches Robyn’s forehead, using their body to say verbally “no one believes in you, you should believe in yourself, too.” In Robyn’s voice. The next scene happens where the group dropped the car off, Haak blinking back to consciousness. Somehow, Robyn saved them, and Haak passes out again knowing they’ll be okay. Help arrives as Robyn looks back at No One for the final time as the spirit disappears into the forest.

The idea is how humans have interacted with and continue to interact with nature. The reality is the forest provides, but it does not protect. People putting faith in the old gods to protect them is a tradition long dead with history, but the idea of this god still holding onto life for the soul purpose of protecting those who may wander into its domain is a very human story, even if it’s behind a creepy mask with origins we don’t entirely understand. It’s inspired by my love of hiking and nature, I actually work in the summer as a camp counselor at a ranch that takes our campers backpacking on the weekends. Each of the human characters show some kind of recurring theme I see in the people I go on these hikes with, and some are named after them. I think drawing the sets and characters for this will be pretty fun, I look forward to it.

Character design is up next. I started with Robyn, the rest of the characters would follow in style.

I wanted Robyn to have a very childish look, but not dumb childish. Like a smart bookworm who has no idea how to survive outside a library, much less civilization. However, Robyn couldn’t look like they thrived in society either. They should be a shy nerd who’s out of their element everywhere, not just in the wild, which just makes being in the outdoors that much more terrible. I also wanted Robyn to come off as genderless so anyone could relate to them. The story isn’t about their gender or age (even though in cannon the characters are in college/university/living on their own, but the style still makes them look like children… oh well) it’s about the forest and how they interact with it.

I had a hard time getting a grip on the style I wanted, everything seemed so forced and I was never happy with what I drew. I kept erasing and redoing and changing without keeping anything. About halfway through the day, I was still only half a character sketch page done and feeling quite hopeless. I realized I was trying to be perfect on a sheet that wasn’t supposed to be. It Sucked… but I figured out the style I wanted. The t-shirt and swishy basketball shorts is the epitome of beginner hiker attire. I stopped caring so much about the quality of the drawings and just started drawing action poses.

The next most important character would be No One. I had a lot more fun playing with No One’s design, probably because I didn’t have to make it look human. I wanted to make them look imposing, scary, but made of the environment. Like, with clothes of moss and litchin. Almost stitched together. I played with making them tall, wider, hunched over, in layers. The hardest choice I had to make was the horn shape. I pulled a lot of references from different horned creatures even though the original skull was a red deer.

Eventually, I came up with final designs for both. I made up Haak and Maya while storyboarding, their designs were simple and based on real people, like their personalities. No worries ‘bout that. Their character models followed the base Robyn’s exploration found.

Next, storyboarding. I spent so much goddamn time in storyboarding. Not too much happened, but I did like plotting out everything. I realized I can pretty easily plot out the setting and where the characters are in relation to each other then manipulate the camera as needed. Pretty nifty. The only problem is 1. Im bad at drawing and 2. Drawing the same thing over and over again kinda sucks. I spent a lot of time designing the varying backgrounds the characters would walk through and played with how the forest would interact with them. For instance, what if a path suddenly changed or wasn’t visible on the second cross through? What if you could see the reflections of eyes in the cave shadows before the characters entered?

The idea originally started over the summer. I was hiking through a birch forest and noticed the markings on the white bark looked a lot like eyes… what if they were watching while you passed by? I let this fuel my imagination and inspire the script. I liked playing with where mystery or malice could hide in the forest, which is a lot of places. Sure, people generally feel threatened by the animals, but the terrain is arguably more dangerous. I didn’t want to introduce a wildlife enemy until the climax, or it would just make it less impactful. If a wild animal is revealed to be evil, it gives another face to the force tormenting them, which takes away from the little cameo No One gets at the start.

Nothing really important happened over the storyboarding period. Just little epiphanies. I realized I got better at drawing the characters and much quicker at it as time went on. I spent a lot of time editing shots and order, which is why the storyboards are messy AF. Made me feel kind of self conscious because everyone at my table had works of art for storyboards, but whatever. They’re supposed to be tools. I also made the very stupid choice to go over every single goddamn board in digital. It was hell. Next time, I’ll probably do everything digitally…

Capturing audio was hard not only because of the location but because of the season. For instance, I need cricket sounds, nature sounds, car sounds (that I could control), and quiet crisp sounds. Too bad I go to school and live on a street that’s triangulated by a fire station, police station, and hospital. And everyone seems to be lighting things on fire, getting crimed, or dying.

I got what sounds I could, but I had a fun time recording with everyone. It was the first time the class was forced out of their comfort zones and made to talk to the people outside their tables. It was a welcome change and I met some cool people. We would talk about what sounds we needed in our stories and whenever we realized how to get that sound it was a group epiphany with excitement. Too bad nowhere in Camberwell is quiet.

Instead of having one of them narrate my lines, I just did them myself at home with my own microphone. It was just easier because I knew what tone I wanted this character to be. In terms of pitch, I just edited it in Audacity. The quality of it didn’t matter, because it wasn’t supposed to be exactly human. I played with it being lower pitched, but if I wanted to make it seem like Robyn was the real narrator, I would need it to be higher. It sounds pretty close to what I wanted- hollow, indifferent, but all-knowing and wise beyond the years the voice should belong to.

I knew from the start I wanted one of two songs in the soundtrack, even though Joe said no songs… sorry, but I envisioned it with this music, it wasn’t structured around it but it was structured with it. Both are the instrumentals behind the songs, so there’s no words, but I did make a playlist of music I wanted to inspire this animatic with at the start. Both songs were at the top. The first song is “Welcome Home, Son” by Radical Face. It’s got a steady beat, good organic guitar, piano, and what sounds like bells. It’s got a REI feel to it (and I’m realizing now that you don’t know what REI is, probably… but I’m keeping the comparison because it’s true) which is kind of like adventuring somewhere greater than yourself, understanding the greatness of it, being slightly scared of it. Like you’re on a quest with no destination. Like facing the mortality and insignificance of yourself in this vast and wondrous world, but instead of fleeing in fear or rejecting the fear, accepting it and finding a home in it. The background vocals add to the feeling of humanity that’s not quite ‘human’ but when tested it tended to mess up the dialogue. The sound of bells and wind chimes was nice, like a feeling of emptiness or forgotten home. Just all around a great song. Also there’s a wind sound effect, like it’s blowing through the trees outside the mouth of a cave. I just think it’s neat and put it at the beginning.

The other song was “New Slang” by The Shins. It has a similar feeling to “Welcome Home, Son” but not quite as adventurous. Much like the song lyrics say, “Gold teeth and a curse for this town were all in my mouth, only I don’t know how they got out, dear…” it’s about returning home with a bittersweet feeling, somewhere you don’t quite belong, but desperately want to. The simple guitar strumming and bass feel melancholy, and the calm electric guitar (never thought I’d say that pair of words together) just make it seem like an amble through the old woods in the backyard of your childhood home, visiting the old treehouse, and sitting in it alone as you remember back to when you weren’t alone in it and much smaller. The simplicity of the song adds less of a dramatic tone and a more organic and realistic one. It’s also more comforting than “Welcome Home, Son” due to less swells and changes in the sounds. It also has background vocals, but they’re much more human and less dramatic, they almost sound like a mourning wolf separated from his pack, but his calls go unanswered. The thing is the runtime is 1/2 that of “Welcome Home, Son”… The middle section, when edited, made up about 4 minutes.

youtube

I played with both and enjoyed both results a lot. The music starts as they enter the forest and the narration starts, following them as they go on their adventure. It’s supposed to show that time’s passing like a montage, but also ends up showing how the danger is real and haunting when Ursa Major awakens in the bear.

My biggest issue while editing the animatic was sound design after the music cuts out. It ends at the perfect moment and even follows the story beats of the end, but after that I just had the haunting silence of the forest and the sound of the nature around the characters in which I had to put a dramatic fight scene. I didn’t want to bring the music back until No One revealed themselves to Robyn to show the connection had finally been made, but the fight scene between Robyn and Ursa Major was so empty… It felt like I was just layering bear grunts and damage sounds over dynamic shots, but it wasn’t translating as tense, it was just awkward. I also had trouble with selecting what sounds were real. Robyn doesn’t make any verbal sound, the only sound to come from Robyn is their footfalls and how they interact with the environment. I should have made more steady rules with how Robyn and the other characters are present outside of the middle montage.

Actually while I’m writing this I realized I could restart the music and have it cut back out once No One takes back their face… fuck.

So, what did I learn from this? That I storyboarded way too fucking much and made way too many fucking characters. I was told all throughout diagnostic to be free and reach for the stars, especially in communication, but the reality is in trying to tell the story I wanted I ended up drowning myself in work.

I really loved writing this story, though. That’s my favorite part of anything. Writing is the ONLY skill I have over everyone else, and I WILL flex on everyone when I get the chance. It was just too big of a story for right now. I mean, I got everything from a single deer skull, it didn’t seem like much at the time… Maybe when I’m better at all of this, I’ll revisit it and make it more like I pictured in my head. I felt like epiphanies kept coming to me as I was writing the script, but as time went on and I had to plan it, I would get too caught up in the details. I love preproduction though. Like, a lot. That’s for sure my favorite part of making animation and film. Just figuring out where everything goes and how it all works together is just so satisfying and I really enjoy it. A bonus is it doesn’t have to look like Perfect Art, either. The fact that it doesn’t look perfect is one of my greatest insecurities, but it’s something I’ll have to get over, and it’s easier to get over it if it’s forgivable/expected. I know once we do actual animation, it’ll just be harder to make longer stories and I won’t know how to cut down on it all… but whatever. I’ve always had a problem writing too much, so that’s just something I’ll have to learn to manage. I’ll try and do better next time. I was really tempted to make this a comedy, like I always do, but I didn’t. I made something serious for once, and it didn’t end up as I imagined, but it got close enough.

That’s a victory Royale.

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