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autolenaphilia · 2 months

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The anti-kink moral crusade rests on a lot of transmisogynistic assumptions.

Of course it’s no surprise, since it rests on ideas from the moralizing arguments about bdsm made by radfems in the 70s. The only change is that they are being massively hypocritical and inconsistent about which kinks are bad now, as I pointed out before. Now it’s only certain kinks, like consensual non-consent and fauxcest, that are bad because they “fetishize abuse”, and not bdsm as whole, despite that being inarguably true about bdsm.

And that’s purely to broaden the appeal of such arguments, so that even self-described “leatherfags” can moralize about fauxcest. The morals and principles are frankly just “It’s okay if gay men call their boyfriends “daddy”, because I find that hot, but if a trans lesbian couples pretend to be sisters it’s evil.”

And you can’t really appropriate the radfem arguments about kink without taking their transmisogyny onboard, since they stem from the same transmisogynist bio-determinist root ideology. Janice Raymond in The Transsexual Empire explained trans women through a lens of pathological sadomasochism. Years before Blanchard’s autogynephilia concept, radfems have seen transfemininity and kink as the same thing.

The image of the trans woman painted by radfems then and now, is of privileged males appropriating the pain and suffering of real wombyn, and playacting this suffering for their own perverted sexual amusement. And that is the same image painted of trans women with incest and cnc kinks in modern callout posts. They just remove the explicitly terfy language to make it less obvious. Instead of making a mockery of misogyny in general, we are instead accused of mocking the experiences of the survivors of sexual abuse.

And that boils down to the same thing. Survivors of sexual assault are often as a group assumed to be afab. This ties into a specific transmisogynist discourse. It’s one that argues that afab children are more often sexually assaulted, and that trans women are not targeted by sexual violence pre-transition, and comes to the conclusion that this proves that trans women are male socialized and privileged. This is the fairly nasty transmisogynist undercurrent here.

And it’s proven when in discussions about the transmisogyny of callout culture, a common cliché line in response is that “clearly some people’s worst oppression is being told they are freaks for shipping incest.” This treats transfems as ultra-privileged and transmisogyny as not real at all.

Of course in reality, transfems are disproportionate targets of sexual violence even in childhood and pre-transition. And many survivors of childhood abuse have these problematic abuse-fetishizing kinks, and use it to deal with their trauma, including many of the kinky transfems being called out.

And even if no one involved in the sexual roleplay and fiction being criticized have trauma, the trauma of other non-involved people is not a good argument for its destruction. It’s a reasonable demand to ask for triggering material to be tagged properly so you can avoid it, it’s unreasonable to demand it shouldn’t exist.

Yet transfems are expected to accede to the latter demand. And I think this is because of what May Peterson calls transfeminized debt. It’s how we trans women in feminist circles are expected to be perfect women and perfect feminists to be acknowledged as women at all, instead of as monsters to be destroyed. Of course because nobody is perfect, this leads to every trans woman eventually being thought of as a monster.

We are treated as having to pay off the debt of male socialization/privilege to get basic human rights. And this in practice means conceding every disagreement with TME people, and agreeing to every demand they make of us. Or else we get the hot allostatic load treatment.

And that’s why kinky transfems are expected to fulfil the ridiculous demand from certain puritanical TME people that “I’m not involved in your kink, but I have trauma relating to it, so you can’t do it.” And are treated as evil monsters for not fulfilling it. It’s clearly transfeminized debt and transmisogyny, we are treated as privileged perverted monsters, inherently exempt from sexual violence. And that is used to justify sexual harassment, in the form of callout posts for our sex lives.

#transmisogyny #my writings #callout culture #purity culture

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gravesaint · 8 months

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EXPLANATION because polls have character limits:

Option 1 - Do you feel like transness and/or gender fuckery is inherent to yourself? I am a transmasc on T, but transness to me is less about being transmasc and more about having fun with my gender and trying new things with my gender that make me happy/euphoric. Like if I had been born in an amab body, I feel like I would be transgender/transfem in that universe. I cannot imagine a version of myself that doesn’t engage in genderfuck.

Option 2 - Or do you feel like your transitioned gender, or lack thereof, is what you would be regardless. Not sure how to word this one other than “you wouldn’t be the first option” jshdshd

Option 3 - Or are you somewhere in the middle? Or outside of the options here?

OBVIOUSLY every answer on this poll and in the tags are real and valid trans experiences/feelings. It should go without saying but I know people love clowning on trans posts so I’m saying it now.

AND OBVIOUSLY this extends to all transgender and non-binary identities.

This post is a celebration of transness in all its variety. I love hearing about people’s relationships with gender.

#trans #transgender #pride #my stuff

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dykefaggotry · 7 months

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listen i understand this is my fault for reading stranger things fanfiction in the first place but the amount of times i will see ppl put the most anachronistic shit in there is insane like on a short list of insane things i have seen in stranger things fanfiction

steve harrington using a keurig machine in the 80s

steve got a tattoo and the recommended aftercare was SECONDSKIN.... IN THE 80S

someone mentioned the ring. which came out in 2002.

the amount of fics where they will just be queer walking around holding hands in RURAL INDIANA. IN THE 80S. that shit does not even fly in 2023 in rural indiana.

someone talked about a character's dvd collection. in the 80s.

any singular time someone talks about modern queer identities and explains it to another character. what the fuck do you MEAN this person is a demiboy THAT WORD ISN'T A THING YET. they would call themselves queers and fags and dykes and maybe ftm/mtf or transsexual they aren't calling themselves nonbinary sapphics/achilleans or a nonbinary homoromantic asexual im going to cry it is the 1980s

#listen it's a fun fallback fandom to read for when i am bored as hell #but the amount of times i find myself going. IT IS THE 80S.

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manicpixiedckgirl · 2 months

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I just left a Laura Jane Grace show. early (well, before the encore), sorry Laura, I'm 30 and was wearing heels and my feet got sore. anyway, as I left the venue, a cis mom was explaining to her kid what being trans mean.

and. idk. I'm not going pretend this isn't a very scary time to be trans. or that we'll even get out of this mess we're in without a lot of pain first. there's a lot of very motivated people out there right now who hate us an awful lot, and right now they feel strong enough to really make a go at it.

but the way she explained transsexual to her kid? with no fear in her voice? no hesitation? laura was this. she is this now (she kept the pronouns right the whole time. nice touch. well meaning cis ppl take notes). that people can do that - that you could do that, if it would make you happy.

like I said, idk. when I was a teenage gender faggot, that was unthinkable. trans was something you didn't talk about, much less recommend to your kid as an avenue to be happy with themselves. one day, this hate will all be a nightmare. I mightnt ever see it. and you mightn't either. but I'm more convinced than ever that the trans kids after me will. and that's all the more reason to fight for them.

#personal

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sweatermuppet · 10 days

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This is probably a futile message but genuinely most radfems wish nothing but the best for trans individuals, including dressing and living however they want and being called whatever they want. So radfems will reblog or agree with a post by a trans person and have no problem with that, you know. It’s totally fine to disagree with any or every aspect of radical feminism but I find that a lot of people who are militantly against it don’t really know what it actually is. I feel like a lot of people feel more in danger/more hated/more targeted than they need to online because of this, which hurts them and their mental health in addition to preventing them from learning different or challenging viewpoints. Most radfems see radical feminism as something that challenges popular talking points or perspectives in modern LGBTQ activism, but which doesn’t oppose the humanity of trans individuals. Whether or not you agree with that assessment is obviously up to you, but that’s the place most radfems you see online are coming from. A lot of them lived as transgender at some point or continue to do so. Hope this message comes across in good faith and that you have a good day.

can you step up to the mic & explain clearly & loudly how "most radfems support & agree with transsexual lifestyles" when i see, every single day without fail, radfems harassing transsexuals i know & love, usually by targeting trans women?

#this is probably a futile message IT IS why did you keep typing!!#anonymous #ask to tag

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uncanny-tranny · 2 years

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There truly isn't a universal answer to what a man and woman "is" and that's where the whole "well, tell me what a man is if you say you are one" spiel falls apart for me. In trying to answer it, you fail to see that gender is not something to be understood empirically - it isnt something you can analyze like you might a hard scientific phenomenon, but gender something that is a tool. Gender is (one) of the languages we use to communicate to others, so like language, there is nuance.

My version of manhood* is one which differs from another man's. We use similar language to describe our malehood, perhaps, but much like language, we will have different dialects which we use. If I were to try to answer what a man "is," I will be informed by my own manhood* and the manhood my culture deems desirable. This is inherently exclusionary because it relies on myself and my culture to be the only "right" ones. I refuse to play this social game because it relies on this exclusionary mindset. Gender is what we humans make of it, and there simply cannot be an "answer" to the question as to what men and women "are." It varies culture to culture, by religion, by race, by a history of colonialism, even, and all of this is ignored, downplayed, and erased, essentially, when one acts like there is a universally-applicable answer to what a gender "is".

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #this feels like gender 101 but it seems like some people are stuck trying to rationalize what 'is' and 'is not' a gender...#...which is pretty devastating to trans *and* cis people. eventually somebody is barred from simply being a man/woman/person...#...for instance drawing the line of 'womanhood' at 'is feminine' excludes butch and gnc trans and cis people intersex people...#...because the definition of feminine has to be exstablished and people *usually* have a definition in mind for what 'is' feminine...#...trans people are correct in saying what their gender is in *part* because there IS no correct answer to being a man/woman/person/ect...#...if there is to be no correct answer how then can you be wrong in saying what your gender is?#this is why trans inclusion is so threatening because there is recognition that people should be allowed to just *be*...#...and to *be* without constraints without expectations without conforming without conventionality or assimilation #so yes i am a man*. but i will not answer what makes me one. the premise itself is faulty #and you don't have to answer what makes you a man or woman or person or whatever else to anybody too #(and anyway when people ask that question it's always soooo fruedian. it's always been a source of discomfort)#(like in movies with a ~scary transsexual~ where a psychiatrist will come on screen/stage to explain transsexuality. very odd indeed)#(99% of the time in my experience all this is done in worse-than-bad faith and as a 'gatcha')#(as though a cis person would give a 'legit' answer to what makes them a man/woman. a legit answer doesn't exist really)#oh and this is also why xenogender and 'genderweirdos'/'genderfreaks' are completely understandable *and* valid :)#i say genderweirdos and genderfreaks with complete love and sincerity but i have seen people reclaim those narratives for themselves #ig i'm a genderfreak. i'm a gender weirdo. what the genderhell am i doing here? (radiohead if creep was more trans)#if anybody reads all these tags you deserve a medal

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kalamity-jayne · 1 month

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Sorry for asking but I am a cis male teenager (well, I thought I was.) but lately I have realized I think I might be a trans girl? I am very scared to drop my masculinity. How did you find out you were trans if that’s okay to ask?

Of course it's ok! I am always happy to help someone who is questioning their gender. However, this is actually a pretty loaded question, because while there is a lot of talk about "when my egg cracked" in trans circles, figuring out you're trans isn't always attributable to any one singular event. Some folks might crack through and emerge from their egg in one swift motion but that is not true for everyone, it certainly wasn't true for me. Sure I could tell about the moment the first crack in my shell appeared, but a single crack in the egg is a far cry from actually breaking out. For many it's a process that can involve a series of revelations and tends to require lots of self reflection and learning how to love yourself. So, there is no quick and easy answer for this. However, I think my story will have a number of different lessons relevant to your question.

Before getting into all that though, I feel I must point out that cisgender folks rarely ask themselves these kinds of questions and when they do entertain these thoughts it's brief and comes with very little agony. The fact you have gone so far as to reach out to trans woman for advice, the fact the you are clearly worried by the prospect of being trans, is a pretty clear indicator that you probably are trans. Regardless of whether you actually are transgender or not, I want you to know that either way, it's ok. You will be ok, no matter what conclusions you come to.

Now, the story of how I figured out I was trans. Bear in mind, the first “aha moment” was 20 yrs ago and things were very different back then. I was about 17yrs old at the time and the term transgender didn't have the currency then that it does now, there wasn't the robust set of terminology that we have today, there were far fewer resources to turn to, no social media, and the overall public opinion was significantly more hostile towards anything LGBT. Anyway, more below the cut.

I didn't follow the typical trans narrative of the time in the sense that, as a child I didn't really care about my clothes so long as my favorite cartoon characters were on 'em, I liked toys typically marketed towards boys, I looked like a boy and everyone referred to me as a boy. So I thought I was a boy. However, I do have a vague memory from early childhood, somewhere between the ages of 4-6, of sneaking into my mother’s room and stealing a pair of her satin underwear and trying it on (it surely would have been too big on me but I remember liking the texture of the fabric) and hiding it under my bed. This memory has since been confirmed during my adulthood by my brother who shared a room with me at the time and had apparently found the hidden stash.

From an early age I was explicitly shunted towards masculinity. I was regularly told to “stop acting like a girl,” and “quit crying like a girl,” and even at one point to “stop walking like a girl,” by my peers and one of my brothers. By the time I was a teenager I was doing my best to be as masculine as possible going so far as joining the highschool wrestling team, a sport that is as homophobic as it is homoerotic, and I hated every minute of it because being manly didn't feel natural to me (and it definitely didn't stop the bullying). It felt like I was trying to ice skate uphill. I fit in but only imperfectly for I was merely acting.

I was also very confused about my sexuality. I thought maybe I was gay or bisexual (turns out the latter) but that didn’t really explain what I was feeling. Around 17yrs old I got curious about transsexuals, thinking maybe the answers would be found there and hoped on to the early and oh so clunky internet. Now I knew of transsexuals conceptually but I didn't know anything about them. Sadly, pornography was really the only reliable way to actually see what a trans body looked like back then. I was stunned because the women I saw did not look at all the way I expected. I was blown away by how so many of them, genitalia aside, looked indistinguishable from cisgender women. And they were all absurdly beautiful. I felt an immediate attraction but there was something else I felt too, envy. And that realization was the first crack in my eggshell.

After that I couldn't get the thought of crossdressing out of my head. So, I dug through a box of my mother's old clothes and took a few items she no longer wore, an old white tennis skirt and a very very 70s sleeveless orange blouse. I was so comfortable in those clothes and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt good, really good. So, I continued exploring, shaved off all of of my body hair, went to department stores that were open late at night to buy girl clothes (deathly afraid someone would recognize me), I would stay up late at night to watch HBO because at midnight they would occasionally air stuff about trans people, (I remember two documentary shorts in particular and the movie Soldier’s Girl) and I scoured the internet for more information. The internet search brought me to a website called TG list (at least I think that’s what it was called, this was 20yrs ago after all) which was a directory of resources ranging from The Breast Form Store (which still exists!), a myriad of gender identity quizzes (I took nearly every single one), and Susan’s Place.

Susan’s place was one of the few reliable places to hear from actual transgender adults. Unfortunately, while Susan's Place had a lot of useful information the forums there were full of horror stories, a never-ending supply of all the things those women had suffered. So needless to say, there was little to no positivity around transness to give me hope. I was afraid to call myself trans as a result, afraid of what it meant for my life, my future, and my physical safety (you have to remember that back then Mathew Shepard wasn’t old news, his tragedy was practically current events). So I called myself a crossdresser but for reasons I didn't understand at the time I deeply resented that label. I think deep down, no matter how much I tried to deny it and bury it, a part of knew I wanted to be a girl. So when I came out to my parents as a crossdresser and explicitly told them I wasn't trans, that I didn’t have any desire to transition to female, there was that lil voice at the back of my mind calling me a liar. That voice would follow me until my late 20s.

Coming out was a real struggle for me because not only did I think my life would literally be in jeopardy, I thought everyone would think I was making it up, having not followed the stereotypical models of transsexuality. When I came out to my parents they didn't disown me or anything but they were noticeably uncomfortable around me when I was in girl mode. At a certain point I needed their help (credit card) to buy a gaff for tucking and that was when my parents, out of a misguided desire to protect me, pushed me back into the egg. Because of their rejection I spent the rest of highschool and most of my college years trying to hold the egg together with even more denial and by doubling down on masculinity. While I did have some fun during my college years, on balance I was miserable and depressed. I chafed at my male costume and I knew I was lying to myself the entire time, and I hurt myself a great deal.

During my senior year of college I started privately dabbling with crossdressing again, the desire had been nagging at me incessantly. A short time after graduating I met my wife who accepted that side of me and she introduced me to the BDSM/kink community, and the overall culture of nonjudgmental acceptance there cracked the egg for good, because is provided spaces besides my own room where I felt safe being a girl. From that point on I slowly but surely came out of the egg, first calling myself a crossdresser, then genderfluid for awhile, then GENDA passed in NY making me an explicitly protected class and for the next 2 yrs I presented as a they/them genderqueer woman 100% full time without HRT (I was still reluctant to call myself a woman).

I wrestled a long time with the choice to go on HRT. Ultimately that was always a big stumbling block for me. Therapy had gotten me pretty far but I was still afraid of so much and was unsure I would be happy with the changes because my parents had initially rejected me as their daughter in very paternalistic fashion I struggled to trust my own instincts. I still struggle with that sometimes. Eventually, I befriended a trans woman in my neighborhood who pointed out HRT works very slowly and that it takes a long time for any permanent changes to take root. So, she suggested I give it a try and if it didn't feel right I could stop.

I was also taking gender identity quizzes again. Now most of these claim to be diagnostic and those ones a generally misogynistic garbage (they ask stupid questions like, “are you good at math?” and assign a gendered value to the answer) but I happened upon one that started with the disclaimer that it wasn't diagnostic and instead only offered questions that are good to think with. Two questions in particular were very helpful. The first asked, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up tomorrow as a girl, would you take it?" My answer was a hesitant yes, but that yes was bolstered by the next question, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up as a man, in your current body, but without any dysphoria or desires to be feminine, would you take it?" My answer was an emphatic no because that would have felt like killing an important part of myself off. I then at the age of 33yrs old started HRT and 4yrs in I am incredibly happy. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, I know that was a lot of fucking text to read but I wrote all of that because I know the prospect of maybe being a trans girl feels scary to you right now but I want to assure you that as daunting as it may seem there is so much about being a trans woman that is full of beauty and joy. I love my trans womanhood and despite the hardships, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. In fact the opposite is true. Knowing what I know now, I would give up almost everything in order to be a woman. So if you feel like you want to give girlhood a try, do it! You can take small incremental steps and you can always stop if it doesn’t feel right, either way you will gain a degree of self knowledge most cisgender people lack completely and that is absolutely priceless! Plus, unlike me when I was a teen, there’s all kinds of resources and information available to you now and an entire community of people ready to help you, and unlike the women in the forums from my past, we aren’t all gloom and doom.

As for your fear of giving up masculinity, don’t let that fear lure you into the denial trap like it did me. Denial is like quicksand, once you’re in it becomes hard to get out, the more you struggle the deeper in you go and it is so very suffocating. And the thing is, you actually don’t have to give it all up. Back when I was presenting full time as woman without HRT, I felt like I had to be ultra feminine all the time, full face of make-up, dress, heels, the whole nine yards. Now that I’m 4 yrs in with HRT I don’t feel that pressure anymore and have since reclaimed certain aspects of masculinity I actually liked. I sill like presenting high femme from time to time but these days I mostly rock a soft butch aesthetic, flannel/t-shirt, jeans and the only makeup I wear daily is just a lil bit of blush. At certain point you become comfortable and realize that gender is just a sandbox to play in and experiment. Masculine and Feminine are just concepts, they aren’t real! so regardless of being cis or trans, don’t let those mere concepts box you in! Just do what feels natural and right to you!

I hope all of that was helpful to you anon, and that at the very least you walk away from this knowing you don’t have to have all of the answers about yourself right now. Now, I don't no the particulars of your situation, so I’m happy to speak with you further if you have follow up questions, just send another anon.

Best of luck to you anon, I am rooting for you!

Big hugs,

Mother Calamity

#advice from a trans mom #Transition #HRT #Transgender #cracking the egg #ask/answer #anon #mother calamity!

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loveofastarvingdog · 5 months

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*transmasc meaning anyone for whom these things are applicable or desired

for our purposes, top surgery is having breasts removed and bottom surgery is any configuration of hysterectomy and / or getting a penis

feel free to reblog and explain your reasons in the tags, this is something that really intrigues me :) happy transsexuality!

#i tried to get all the options down but uh. i don't know if i forgot any #but i want top and bottom surgery and am iffy on hormones #i do really Want hormones but to me the benefits are less of a priority than bottom surgery and top surgery in terms of desire #trans #transgender #transmasc #transmasculine #trans polls #timothy's txts.#tw emoji

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gatheringbones · 7 months

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[“Later in the day, while Heather and I were making the bed and talking about the chores we needed to get through the next morning, she used a male pronoun in regard to me. “Well that’s gonna be weird, huh?” I said. “Not saying ‘he’ for me anymore.” “What do you mean?” she asked. “I mean I want to transition. I want to become a woman… fully.” She paused and fell silent. I think the revelation that I was a transsexual truly hit her in this moment. She slowly started to comprehend that this didn’t mean I’d simply be cross-dressing around the house. It started to hit me, too. I wanted to transition genders, and there was a lot more to that than just hormones and surgery. Neither of us fully understood what it meant yet, or where to start.

The next day Andrew and James met me at the studio to talk about plans around the album and the future of the band. Jordan came, too, as he was again filling in as our manager. Until then, I’d been telling them that I was writing a concept album about a transsexual prostitute—the metaphor behind the feeling of having whored myself out to a record label was thinly transparent since James, Andrew, and I were all processing our own post-traumatic stress disorder from the past couple years of music industry hell. Previously, I’d been able to sneak a few subtle metaphors about my dysphoria in here and there. But an album focused entirely on it? I didn’t know how to explain that, and the new songs were not sticking with the guys.

James could make out a few lyrics to the title track through his in-ear monitors: “You want them to see you like they see every other girl / But they just see a faggot.” “Hey, man,” he said between takes. “Are you saying ‘faggot’ on this song? It sounds like you’re saying it a lot. Are people gonna be cool with that?”

I realized that the reason the words weren’t connecting with them was that they didn’t have the context. So I came out with it. I didn’t mean to, I just wanted them to understand. I couldn’t hold back the momentum of the day before. Once the truth was spoken, it could be contained no longer.

“It’s about me, and how I’m a transsexual. This is something I’ve been dealing with for a long time,” I told them. Once I started explaining it, I couldn’t stop. It was like an out-of-body experience where I saw myself, but was powerless to hold back the flood of words. “I want to start living as a woman, and to be referred to as Laura. This is something I’ve thought about a lot and isn’t going away, so I might as well embrace it.”

No one knew what to say once I finally stopped rambling. The three of them just sat there in the studio control room, looking down at their feet or at whatever lit-up piece of audio equipment their eyes could find, focusing anywhere but on me. We’d had some heavy conversations over the years—emotional moments where we’d told each other off or outright quit the band—but nothing compared to this. Andrew’s usually warm smile was locked in since I started talking, and it looked like it was going to melt off his face. His skin flushed red, trying not to flinch. There was nothing any of them could say. I broke the silence by asking them to come smoke a joint with me. We got high standing in a circle in the open back doorway. “OK, well,” I said. “I guess that’s all we’ll do today. How about we try again tomorrow?”

We shared the most comically awkward group hug, a horrible mess of pats on the back and overly extended stiff arms. They left, and I locked the door behind them. Oh fuck, I thought. I called Heather and told her that I had just come out to them. It felt unreal to speak these secrets aloud, hearing myself verbalize thoughts that had only ever existed in my head.

The guys had an hour and a half back to Gainesville to think about all that had just been unloaded on them. James has since told me that as he sat there stoned on that long drive home, a lot of memories over the past 15 years suddenly started to make sense for him. My lyrics, my behavior on tour; one by one, he had tiny flashes of realization about me in this new light.”]

laura jane grace, from tranny: confessions of punk rock’s most infamous anarchist sellout, 2016

#laura jane grace #trans literature #currently reading

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meanieinspace · 24 days

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I will probably regret posting this, too, and hopefully my brain can find sth more interesting to occupy itself with soon but like there seems to be this conflict between some transmasculine people still having some stake in the general abstract concept of womanhood on one hand and the queer-/feminist spaces they come out of that judge being transmasculine as a sort of betrayal on the other hand. And imo both of these positions actually do influence very much how both of these not really seperate parties treat trans women.

There is a sort of projection happening, not in a psychanalytic sense, but simply in the sense that many transmasculine people obviously assume that trans women still have a lingering emotional stake or attachment in/towards "manhood". An assumption that is mirrored by the sort of feminist-y concept of toxic masculinity, which is the great force that hurts our poor gay men, desensitizes the het bois and terrorizes trans women.

And it is hard to explain, maybe because it just always turns out in such a way that the people you have the least contact with are the ones you try the least to incorporate into your world, that it wasn't toxic masculinity that hurt me as a trans woman (what a string of words). It were normal, sometimes even healthy men. And it was having to pretend to be a healthy man. It feels really stupid to say this, because it is a sort of transsexualism 101, that if taken out of context can be weaponized against people that don't fit a particular type of trans womanhood - but it is still important to make clear that "but you were socialized male" and "trans women's childhood would be so much better if not for toxic masculinity" for whatever else these sentiments are trying to say or are actually saying, they also, at their core, deny the undeniable and, to me at least, defining relation between trans women and "manhood" that is constituted by the very simple fact that the desire to want to be a woman (or be like a woman) makes even the least "toxic" and most healthy "manhood" turn on you - a hostile place at best, for the very lucky, and a very easily wielded tool to break you, in any case.

I'm not interested in moralizing "manhood" or masculinity. I never had a problem being a masculine woman. For personal and hopefully obvious reasons (and also because they are annoying) my hatred for men runs very, very deep, and that does inform my worldview, but it doesn't make a political or social insight except for that: you can easily marginalize trans women by positing a world where wanting to be a woman is not at odds with the very essence of being a man or "manhood" or masculinity or whatever. And as people keep pointing out in the never ending discourse on this site the association between trans women and "manhood" that follows from this willful ignorance of trans 101 stuff does not make misandry, just as the weaponized association of a cis woman with "manhood" to hurt her does not stem from misandry.

#im a hater #okay i lied i do want to moralize men fuck 'em #gatekeep gaslight girlboss streetfight #transmisogyny

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