mainly wrote for me and definitely not edited but thought it was a sweet enough idea to post :)
“Because if I didn’t know better, I’d say this feels pretty good. And how could I be scared? When I stretch and feel you’re there?”
There is always more to do in the life of an assassin.
Always a next target.
Always another person suffering when they aren’t out there doing their job.
That is what she had been taught her whole life. In a house built upon the words “more,” where perfection was the standard and mistakes were the worst that could ever happen.
Where the words that if you were going to do something, do it wholeheartedly were obsessed over and plagued her more deeply than advice ever should.
Where the priority to help others was held above everything else.
And she had handled it for so long, through working despite hard external and internal conditions--even if she was sick, even if it was pouring. How could she give up now?
It was a question that nearly made her throw up her guts on the spot.
Like when a sickening memory resurfaces, bringing with it uncanny nostalgia that is not quite warm and sweet. Like when it is brought on by a song or smell that immediately pulls you back into the thoughts associated with it. Ones embedded into your brain perhaps because of the pain that followed, forever ruining the sound or scent. And now it’s back. Playing on the radio or in the air. And now you’re sitting there, trapped in your own personal dip into hell as nausea tops it all off.
She twisted and turned, entangled in sheets that felt too close--too heavy. Perhaps they were telling her to get up too.
But she was tired. She wanted one day to herself. One day to lay in bed and not think of all the ways something could go wrong, how she was messing up, or disappointing someone.
She wanted one day to sleep in and lay in the arms of the one beside her.
The one who was currently stirring awake, because she couldn’t keep her emotions to herself.
Dramatic. Weak. Attention-seeker.
She was suddenly much more aware of her surroundings and how out out of place she was. Of the effect she had on the bed, being so heavy it sunk. Of her effect on Jacob, being so sensitive and overwhelmed by her own emotions that she had woken him from his sleep.
She froze, laying on her side, facing towards a window that beckoned her to come closer, to throw aside the curtains and start a day instead of wasting it, hoping that if she remained quiet he’d be able to fall back asleep.
But they were assassins, for God’s sake. How could she think he wouldn’t notice something was off?
An arm slung itself atop her hips, pulling her simultaneously back and turning her body around, offering her the way out. Not out the window, into a day of hunting from the shadows only fueled by the expectations stacked to the sky set by those watching her from their graves, but into the love of someone who mattered now. Who offered her rest and the okay to accept it.
But her mind persisted. ‘But what of the people who--’
“S’matter, Love?” he murmured, with tousled hair and a sleepy smile, drawing lazy circles on her thigh. He was, as always, the sanctuary she could return to. Protecting her from the voices, away from the past, presumptions, and pressure.
Her answer was hushed as she moved a hand to intertwine itself with his free one, “I don’t want to get out of bed.”
“You don’t have to, then. Nothing’s stopping you. You can stay here,” he squeezed her hand gently, rubbing a thumb back and forth over it, “if anyone has a problem with that they can take it up with me.”
“What if I’m the one that has a problem with it?” Her mind had been silenced for now, but her excuse would only last so long before she would force herself to compensate for the late start by working long hours into the night and maybe even the next day.
She wanted to quiet it for good.
And he was with her.
He spoke the promise over her with gentle traces along her skin, and then through the hand that pulled her even closer to him before trailing its way up to her cheek.
“Then I’ll keep you here,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to her lips, the cold bridge of his nose brushing against hers. “And I’ll tell you about all the reasons you deserve to stay here.
“Because you are not Atlas, and the world will not come crashing down if you step away to take a day for yourself. Because even the God above took a day to rest from His work. Because there are others who see beauty in the world and will fight to preserve it. Because the people you worry about not being saved today will be saved. Maybe by Evie, maybe Greenie, or maybe a little rascal with big dreams.”
She broke into a small smile at that, wondering if he was referring to the pickpocket from his first day here or Clara with her “small” favor.
Nevertheless, both of them had led to events occurring like dominos falling onto one another because of their actions. The twins found Henry through their thrill in chases and races, and Clara had emancipated thousands of children through those who fulfilled her request.
“You can get back to doing it all tomorrow,” Jacob added, toying with the strands of her hair that he could reach while still holding her face. “Will you take a rest day with me?”
This time she was the one to bring herself closer, placing a kiss on his lips.
Every Song That Made Me Cry Uncontrollably While Thinking Of MH Jam
Don’t you Dare (make me fall in love with you) by Kaden MacKay - https://youtu.be/CRllw_LSesQ
Glimpse of Us by Joji - https://youtu.be/FvOpPeKSf_4
Lost on You (cover) by Scott Hoying and Mario Jose - https://youtu.be/_vaI7pOjc0M
John My Beloved by Sufjan Stevens - https://youtu.be/SfjkhzNI2DU
Little Bird by Elizabeth Mitchell - https://youtu.be/aQJhhP6PhKY (with the animatic that made me love the song even more)
I Know Those Eyes / This Man Is Dead performed by Thomas Borchert & Brandi Burkhardt - https://youtu.be/NDwxqaICCgA
I Exist I Exist I Exist by Flatsound - https://youtu.be/jrVnwnR4kKc
In The Water by Anadel - https://youtu.be/v3nrNFVUgTg
Edit 1:
More Songs because I am an emotional mess (A few are just strong emotions about Tim, and in turn Jay, but like, yeah)
death bed by Powfu - https://youtu.be/jJPMnTXl63E
Honeywell by Clem Turner - https://youtu.be/Lt7qWOJLZtY (Thank you shinaa191 for the suggestion)
Blame by Air Traffic Controller - https://youtu.be/y46uRo4-WZI
Slow Dancing in the Dark by Joji (He’s probably gonna pop up a lot in the future) - https://youtu.be/K3Qzzggn--s
Die For You by Joji - https://youtu.be/kIEWJ1ljEro
After Dark by Mr. Kitty - https://youtu.be/sVx1mJDeUjY
Happier by Marshmello - https://youtu.be/RE87rQkXdNw
I Love You by Billie Eilish - https://youtu.be/WiinVuzh4DA
Everything I Wanted by Billie Eilish - https://youtu.be/qCTMq7xvdXU
I Lost a Friend by Finneas - https://youtu.be/3mMVcCMO_Ng
Tales of Dominica by Lil Nas X - https://youtu.be/BHc2E3pNgA0
Cigarettes by JuiceWRLD - https://youtu.be/sGxzXEP9xJk
Diagnosis by Milo McAllister - https://youtu.be/l9fqQ_sO0zw
Edit 2!:
Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez - https://youtu.be/DpA6DnrYc9c
Older by Ben Platt - https://youtu.be/y_sADbvPmzE
Something About Us by Daft Punk (PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEO IT IS VERY SAD AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND EVEN MORE WHY IT IS ON THIS LIST!! GOD DAMN DAFT PUNK ANIME) - https://youtu.be/sOS9aOIXPEk
Paper Hearts by Jeon Jungkook (Idk why this version specifically made me cry) - https://youtu.be/aoiXvOkOjW0
Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie (I have a version where at the end there’s a gunshot ((left over from Hamilton hyperfixation ough)) so it made it . . . So much worse, I will not share that version tho) - https://youtu.be/pUlX8ltm_JU
So Cold (Remix) by Breaking Benjamin - https://youtu.be/In5yLjvUE0Y
If the World Was Ending by JP Saxe ft Julia Michaels - https://youtu.be/1jO2wSpAoxA
YUKON (Interlude) by Joji - https://youtu.be/2Sd_mvOotaA
Karma by AJR - https://youtu.be/Vy1JwiXHwI4
The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance - https://youtu.be/JE-I9uXmH_0
The End of the World (live) by Billie Eilish - https://youtu.be/PaxKhR6FQwA
Sorry by Halsey - https://youtu.be/4XlLjnY22sE
1AM FREESTYLE by Joji - https://youtu.be/QTxMAycHnos
Trying Not to Love You by Nickleback (don’t judge me, I’m a sap) - https://youtu.be/lTaIiE3kWms
Lovesick Fool by The Cab - https://youtu.be/K37dNxP24vY
Terrible Things by Mayday Parade - https://youtu.be/bllr63yMszw
Safe & Sound by Taylor Swift - https://youtu.be/YFEDTtKaFzU
(I’ll keep this updated as the list grows and I continue to sob . ALSO PLEASE LET ME KNOW OF YOUR EMOTIONAL JAM SONGS PLS)
BAD NEWS!! I LOST MY JAM PLAYLIST AS SOON AS I WAS GONNA POST THE UPDATE!! I AM VERY DISTRAUGHT ABOUT THIS!! I MIGHT UPDATE THIS LIST ONE DAY BUT IT IS ON LONG HIATUS IF SO OUGH
FINAL UPDATE!!! I MADE A PLAYLIST ON YOUTUBE FOR THIS AND MADE IT BETTER AND MORE SAD!!! Check out the post here
hey! while social media is crumbling, i’m gonna try and share my stuff on multiple platforms and see how it’s received :)
i’m rhys! it’s pronounced the same as reese. i make music in my bedroom, mostly about growing up, feeling bad and scared of change.. you know, the usual ..
i’m also queer and transmasc if you’re looking for new queer tunes. 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
if you like artists like cavetown, alex g, pinegrove, mitski, car seat headrest, you might like my stuff too!!
i’ve been using tumblr since 2017 (new account lolz) and this community has always been so sweet and kind, i’m hoping you can enjoy my music as much as i like creating it :”)
here’s a link to my spotify, if you’d like to give me a try:
or you can follow me on any other social media!!!
thank you for taking the time to see me! let me know if you like my stuff, it means the world to me hearing the impact that my work has on others :”) <3 hav a good one
a comprehensive list of (almost) all of my spotify playlists, sorted by theme
category 1: a bit of everything.
every feeling everywhere all at once opened by brian eno, closed by mitski, in between an eclectic mix of everything to scream cry and dance to
essentials. as the title suggests this is the music that makes up the foundation of my identity. funkadelic, air, spiritualized, y la bamba, weyes blood etc etc
multitudes: similar idea but older. more hip hop in there, a little time capsule of 2017
seasonal playlists: these are closed chapters that won’t be altered
forbidden fruit february. self explanatory. aquarius season is for yearning and getting messy, thanks fiona apple
idlings of march is when spring begins again, just barely but there’s a careful joy spreading. joyful tunes! this must be the place!
spring has sprung and continues springing. instrumental interludes as standalone songs, everything sounds like water. the time that we wasted just hit like a wave
begin again, another spring playlist. this time with childish gambino, laura marling, hayley williams, guns’n’roses, the classic combo
april flowers. short and sweet, alice phoebe lou meets car seat headrest
slowly come the saints of summer. do you remember when st vincent said daddy’s home well i made a whole playlist about it. mika is in there. genuinely no idea what was going on that summer.
never ending summer, this IS the season of the witch. we love a strange mix of oldies and french and german new wave
i can’t believe summer is over and oh it’s so sentimental, it’s a cherry-coloured funk
winter walking. it’s giving phoebe bridgers in the graveyard, mountain goats, springsteen, mother mother
winter fruits: the first big thief singles off their latest album came out and sent me down this particular spiral. frankie cosmos and mitski, niche italian indie pop
playlists i still edit/add to, first: good moods.
still you. skinshape, biig piig, kadhja bonet, julia jacklin
autobahn, a roadtrip playlist, best friends laughing, mostly italian 70s/80s
many moons ago: it’s pop! it’s happy things! silly goofy times
golden hour! an old one. started this in 2018, sylvan esso was big, king krule, her’s, clairo
will you always love like this? dream pop. lesbianism. st south.
everyday’s a holiday: okay kaya and rex orange county, steve lacy vibes
maybe i wasn’t there: kendrick, dijon, rosalía
come on over & do the twist. they’re love songs. aching with nostalgia but happy
coffee in bed is teetering on the edge between a lovely warm soup of emotions and desperate yearning
clear the fog is where the yearning begins in earnest.
moody moods.
free drinks at the local bar, we’ve got mac demarco, the strokes, girlpool. you know the drill
take me for a spin: something of a continuation of free drinks a few years later now including sam cohen, kevin morby. sad-ish music that still works if played in public
ring: odes to being happysad on public transport in berlin, short and sweet
peel you like a fruit. THEE playlist of psychological warfare.
i would be an electrician: if you enjoy julien baker’s happy to be here, the following ten tracks might do similar damage to your psyche
no more bad news from my jorja smith phase, also greentea peng, arlo parks
gloomy. it’s the end of the world, sharon van etten said, and love is a losing game, and there’s stormy weather and love will tear us apart.
calm there’s definitely a flatsound track in there. be warned.
and here’s three completely new ones, works in progress, not yet categorised:
touch. a very specific moment in time. listening to beach house and rhye with all my friends on a big couch, drifting off together, crying a little, holding on tightly
all the in between: the only place that matters is by your side, mama you’ve been on my mind, only the strong survive, don’t think twice it’s alright. songs that transcend time and space
transitional. seeing angels in everything
already this post is way too long. i have so many playlists, my god. i have a whole folder sorted by genre, one by decade, more by concepts and themes. i’m currently sorting through everything and thought i’d share my process, maybe you’ll find something for yourself new in my chaos :)
ED and drug TW for some songs (they’re in the titles)
Written playlist below (will be continuously edited):
“Rebel Love Song” - Black Veil Brides; “Check Yes, Juliet” - We The Kings; “Perfect” - Mariana’s Trench; “Ribs” - Lorde; “Stacy’s Dad” - Sub-Radio (“Stacy’s Mom” parody); “Can’t Help Falling in Love” - Elvis Presley; “Juliet” - Cavetown; “Accidentally in Love” - Counting Crows; “Hey There Delilah” - Plain White T’s; “Habits (Stay High)” - Tove Lo; “Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?” - Arctic Monkeys; “Astoria” - Mariana’s Trench; “Mary On A Cross” - Ghost; “Ballad of Mona Lisa” - Panic! At The Disco; “Nikki” - Forever The Sickest Kids; “Queen of Hearts” - We The Kings; “I Wouldn’t Mind” - He Is We; “Haven’t Had Enough” - Mariana’s Trench; “We Got Something to Talk About” - Alight The Night; “If I Had You” - Adam Lambert; “Whataya Want from Me” - Adam Lambert; “LEMONS” - Brye; “Tongue Tied” - Grouplove; “This Is Home” - Cavetown; “Team” - Lorde; “Fall For You” - Secondhand Serenade; “Dirty Little Secret” - All American Rejects; “High School Never Ends” - Bowling For Soup; “That’s What You Get” - Paramore; “Dark Side” - Kelly Clarkson; “Angels Like You” - Miley Cyrus; “Don’t Call Me At All” - Flatsound; “Missing You” - All Time Low; “Piece Of Your Heart” - Mayday Parade; “She’s Kinda Hot” - 5 Seconds Of Summer; “I Go Hungry” - Mother Mother; “Like Real People Do” - Hozier; “Heat Waves” - Glass Animals; “Boy In The Bubble” - Alec Benjamin; “Soap” - Melanie Martinez; “when the party’s over” - Billie Eilish; “Peace” - O.A.R.; “Looks Red, Tastes Blue” - Mayday Parade; “Bruised and Scarred” - Mayday Parade; “Stay” - Mayday Parade; “Pompeii” - Bastille; “Demons” - Imagine Dragons; “Build God, Then We’ll Talk” - Panic! At The Disco; “Sometime Around Midnight” - The Airborne Toxic Event; “Girl All the Bad Guys Want” - Bowling For Soup; “Running Away” - AM; “ocean eyes” - Billie Eilish; “Weapons” - Emily Kinney; “All To Myself” - Mariana’s Trench; “Somewhere Only We Know” - Keane; “party favor” - Billie Eilish; “Bad Girls Club” - Falling In Reverse; “I Love You So” - The Walters; “death bed (coffee for your head)” - Powfu; “Battle Scars” - Paradise Fears; “Chasing Cars” - Snow Patrol; “Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy)” - John Lennon; “The Name Of The Game” - “Mamma Mia!” cast (slight twist on the ABBA song); “Happy Together” - The Turtles; “From Here to Mars” - We The Kings; “It’s Time” - Imagine Dragons; “The Drug In Me Is You” - Falling In Reverse; “I Think We’re Alone Now” - Billie Joe Armstrong; “As You Go” - Red; “River Flows in You” - Yiruma; “On Top Of The World” - Imagine Dragons; “Face Down” - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus; “Monster” - Imagine Dragons; “BURN IT DOWN” - LINKIN PARK; “Runnin’” - Adam Lambert; “My Demons” - STARSET; “Hey Lover!” - Wabie; “She Had The World” - Panic! At The Disco; “Bloody Mary” - Lady Gaga; “Pocketful of Sunshine” - Natasha Bedingfield; “Young Dumb & Broke” - Khalid; “Numb” - Linkin Park; “Pink (Freak)” - Elliot Lee; “Shower” - Becky G; “Can I Have a Ride Home? I’m at a Party and I Don’t Know Any1” - carpetgarden; “Every Morning” - Sugar Ray
Relistening to just the end of my essek redemption playlist on loop and crying like a small child counts as a hobby right??
(This is zerxus's fault btw i am once again obsessed w redemption as a consept woops)
(Listen to Godhunter through to Good Love (all essentially ep.140-141) and weep w me (i edited it to better suit my current music taste bc i wanted to. sue me.))
Mainly:
May i draw your attention to my newest obsession: spoken word
My heart literallyyyyy huuurtssss rn thinking of Byler feels to this. Relistening through my Will Byers playlist rn to see if I should make it public. Just did cause FUCK IT.
Here it is(I’ll pine to this acct)
Still listening thru and editing it atm so keep peeping back in but yeah been more chaotic in just sharing stuff when it’s like half decent to
hii hi hi hii idk why i have taken to sending u my thoughts abt the office via asks but i am now so yea. i just finished ummmm s5 e12. in my mind jim hes so comphet realness i think. i think pam would listen to flatsound also or like pheobe bridgers mitski typof thing. shed hear working for the knife and liquid smooth and shed go crazy. and shed tell jim about it and jim would be like "umm ok ? can we talk about me now." i believe this i know it in my heart. and creed i dont have very many thoughts about him but i think he is transgender i decided. hitting him with my transgenderification beam. and dwight and michael do you think they have ever explored each others bodies. also angela i think she deserves so much better than dwight or andy fr. AND speaking of andy um erm. episode 8 oscar and andy are sooo. well. are they. you know. 🌈🤨🏳️🌈 oh wow i just found out my phone lets me combine emojis together wow. ok that is all my thoughts i think.
- henry yayy woo ^-^
CREED TRANS BI CRAZY INSANE. I LOVE HIM. pam is a mitskier real. she is like funny and pretty and a few years ago i cried to a gnf edit and i think if someone edited her to any song by egg i probably would do that. cry that is. michael and dwight are so. silly. AUGHH I LOJVE THE DYNAMICS OF THE OFFICEPEOEPLE THEYRE SO UNIQUE!!!!!!! heart heart… also you’re so right about angela she is special like she is special… horrible … wretched… decrepit… creature… babygirl… btw i cannot stop repeating oscar my silly rabbit whenever he says anything. he’s like… eeeyeehegegejfjfbdbsm…. andy is hoh. mow. OH ALSO while we r on the subject… darryl… normal guy!!!! i have three episodes left which i will watch tmr and then i think i’ll rewatch seasons one and two bc i wasn’t timestamping ryan moments the first two seasons and i gotta do that ☺️ ok i gotta sleep maybe goodnight henry 💕💘💕💕💕💗💞💕💖💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💖💞💗💞💕💕💖💖💞
This is the official playlist for Waterlog. She is just as massive as the story, however, these are the songs that made this all possible. I had most of these on rotation during writing and editing Waterlog and they truly did help shape everyone into who they are. I hope that this can open up discussions about characters and plotlines that you believe the songs are related to. We all know how much our group in Loch Keen came to life and they would definitely have their places on this list. I hope that you enjoy a peek inside of my writing process and enjoy the music!
Listen Here||Spotify||YouTube
1.The A Team, Ed Sheeran
2. Summer in the City, Regina Spektor
3.Baby, Born Without Bones
4. I Melt With You, Nouvelle Vague w/ Silja
5. No One’s Gonna Love You, Band of Horses
6. Falling Slowly, Glen Hansard w/ Marketa Irglova
7. Gotta Have You, The Weepies
8. This Girl’s In Love With You, She & Him
9.I’m Not a Good Person, Pat the Bunny
10. Eden, Iron & Wine
11. Gravity, Sara Bareilles
12. Skinny Love, Bon Iver
13. Somebody Loved, The Weepies
14. All the Lonely Nights in Your Life, American Pleasure Club w/ Teen Suicide
15. To Be Alone With You, Sufjan Stevens
16. Waiting on an Angel, Ben Harper
17. Colors, Amos Lee
18. Piazza, New York Catcher, Belle and Sebastian
19. Passenger Seat, Death Cab for Cutie
20. Bright Lights and Cityscapes, Sara Bareilles
21. I Was Happier With You, Flatsound
22. The Cure For Pain, Jon Foreman
23. Loved By You, KIRBY
24. A Girl, a Boy, and a Graveyard, Jeremy Messersmith
25. Sea of Love, Cat Power
26. So Sorry, Feist
27. Boats and Birds, Gregory and the Hawk
28. Maybe, RICEWINE
29. is it too late?, Rei Brown
30. j’s lullaby (darlin’ i’d wait for you), Delaney Bailey
32. First Day of My Life, Bright Eyes