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#funnily enough ive never considered this sort of thing before
furymint · 4 years
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😏: What angst tropes are you a sucker for?
angst meme!
rubs my evil lil hands together HMMMM
Saying Goodbye at Train Stations Or At Any Form Of Transportation Is The Best Shit In The World. The World Is Kept On Balance By Angsty, Lingering Hugs. Thank You Writers For This Invaluable Service.
is “unrequited-but-not-actually-unrequited-love bc everyone’s just emotionally stunted and fearful” an angst trope bc that is some excellent shit
when everything has gone to hell and they know they’re going to lose but they refuse to abandon their course anyway. esp if theyre spiteful abt going down fighting, or even if they just refuse to leave bc they cant fathom doing anything else
alternatively, when everything goes to hell and a character just explodes about it. esp when it meant everything to them and now its ruined so nothing else matters.
entering a room that has Memories in it but those cant or wont happen again
when ppl commit to The Right Thing To Do but always think abt what would have happened if they actually did what they wanted instead
when someone tries to help and the person getting helped just reacts violently bc wtf are u doing :)
self sacrifice ie take me not them :)))))
THIS LETTER i could drag the war poets into this but ill make do with just oscar
EDIT: I FORGOT WAITING. thats the most important one. waiting is good.
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astradrifting · 3 years
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This is kind of inspired by this recent ask I sent to @esther-dot about Jon’s characterisation and Jonsa shippers’ apparent disregard for it, because it made me think of another part of Jon’s characterisation that is really integral to who he is. Mainly, that Jon really loves his brothers. Especially Robb. His rival and best friend and constant companion. Jon envies him, competes with him, buried a formative traumatic memory where he was deeply hurt by him... but ultimately loves him. Complex relationships with his brothers, both the Starks and his Night’s Watch brothers, are a running theme in Jon’s chapters.
Speaking of Jon’s brothers...
Aegon VI and Robb have a lot of potential parallels, actually. The “Young” moniker, red-haired counselors who are also their parents, trained to be the heir to a great kingdom from a young age, the barely younger half-brother Jon borne of their father’s dishonour of their mother… one that they might both have a good relationship with despite that?
The show tried to play with Jon ‘accepting’ his Targaryen lineage through the jonerice romance, very unconvincingly because it was simultaneously undermining it at every opportunity, in what was maybe a half-assed attempt at Pol!Jon (”They’ll all come to see you for what you are” isn’t anything but a threat in all contexts).
Jon will ultimately choose the Starks over everything else, that’s not really a question. But if Jon were to genuinely connect with another Targaryen, it’d likely be easier for him to find kinship with a half-brother than with an aunt - he has a basis for positive relationships with trueborn half-brothers, while the only aunt figure he’s ever known about is a) long dead and b) actually his mother. I think it’d both make more sense and be more compelling for GRRM to leverage Jon’s existing complex relationships with brotherhood by having him interact with and build a relationship with Aegon, than a rushed and out-of-character romance with Dany. 
Jon also is already primed to believe that Aegon is the real deal, that he was saved as a baby, because he’s already done the exact same thing himself - he swapped out a baby of royal blood who was in danger for a common-born boy, and then sent him halfway across the world for safety (side note: if Septa Lemore is Ashara, and if the baby was actually Ashara’s son as theorised here by @agentrouka-blog, that would just strengthen the parallel, because it would be his body double’s mother caring for him, as Gilly has to do for Mance’s son).
They’re definitely going to come into conflict first - politically, Jon will likely be in a position of power in the North by the time they meet, maybe as the KitN through Robb’s will or regent for Rickon, and probably will fight for Northern independence, while Aegon is fighting to be king of the Seven Kingdoms, not 6. Personally, it will be hard to get past the fact that Jon is the direct result of Rhaegar dishonouring Elia, plus that the Kingsguard who should have been protecting her were all stationed in Dorne, guarding Jon’s mother (in whatever capacity). But these interactions, a conflict and eventual friendship/brotherhood between them, would all be a lot more layered than jonerice can really offer. If a relationship between Jon and Dany was truly all that GRRM has been building up to, then there would have been no need for R+L=J - it adds nothing to that storyline, it doesn’t even make it a forbidden romance, because aunt-nephew is hardly the worst incest the Targaryens have engaged in.
It’s almost inevitable that Da*nerys is going to kill Aegon VI/Young Griff in the books, likely by burning him with dragonfire, in the Second Dance of the Dragons. The weird Dragonpit meeting in the show was very contrived, but it does make sense for Dany to meet the ruler on the Iron Throne at least once in a semi-peaceful context. In the show, she used her dragons only to intimidate Cersei, but she didn’t have a personal grievance with her. Aegon is in much more danger during such a meeting. After all she will think he is a pretender, and she doesn’t much care for the rules of safe conduct, as she showed to the envoys from Yunkai.
Dany shrugged, and said, "Dracarys."
The dragons answered. Rhaegal hissed and smoked, Viserion snapped, and Drogon spat swirling red-black flame. It touched the drape of Grazdan's tokar, and the silk caught in half a heartbeat. 
[...]
"You swore I should have safe conduct!" the Yunkish envoy wailed.
"Do all the Yunkai'i whine so over a singed tokar? I shall buy you a new one... if you deliver up your slaves within three days. Elsewise, Drogon shall give you a warmer kiss." She wrinkled her nose. "You've soiled yourself. Take your gold and go, and see that the Wise Masters hear my message."
(ASOS, Dany IV)
"Ah, there is the thorn in the bower, my queen," said Hizdahr zo Loraq. "Sad to say, Yunkai has no faith in your promises. They keep plucking the same string on the harp, about some envoy that your dragons set on fire."
"Only his tokar was burned," said Dany scornfully.
(ADWD, Dany VI)
So Dany will burn the Blackfyre pretender, and everyone will be happy and cheer to see the rightful queen, the last Targaryen, Slayer of Lies, Breaker of Chains, Insert-The-Million-Other-Titles-Here. Right?
Except how would she prove that he’s an imposter? She can’t exactly roll up with an Alt Shift X video pointing out that Illyrio has said some weird things about Aegon. Is Varys going to have an attack of remorse and explain his whole plot, complete with Blackfyre family tree? Or maybe she’ll explain that she went on a vision quest in Qarth and Aegon totally matches up with the vague symbolism that a bunch of drugged up warlocks told her before she set them on fire?
I don’t think it’s going to matter if Aegon is fake or not, and we might never find out either way. The mystery of his identity isn’t his main narrative, and all of his significance to the story and to multiple other characters is removed if he’s proved to not be Aegon VI. Him being proved fake would just make this plotline a weird, unnecessary digression on Dany’s journey to being the righteous and true queen, his death just another #girlboss moment for her. That’s definitely going to be her perception of it, but once she reaches Westeros we won’t have to rely on only her POV of her actions. History is written by the winners, and no one’s going to miss that it’s a lot more convenient for Dany if the boy with a stronger claim than her turns out to have been fake all along. Arianne and the Dornish are definitely not going to take it lying down, and neither is Jon. He’s not going to fall in love with the woman who murdered his brother, especially by burning him alive. ADWD has plenty to say about how much he hates death by fire.
“Men say that freezing to death is almost peaceful. Fire, though … do you see the candle, Gilly?”
She looked at the flame. “Yes.”
“Touch it. Put your hand over the flame.”
Her big brown eyes grew bigger still. She did not move.
“Do it.” Kill the boy. “Now.”
Trembling, the girl reached out her hand, held it well above the flickering candle flame.
“Down. Let it kiss you.”
Gilly lowered her hand. An inch. Another. When the flame licked her flesh, she snatched her hand back and began to sob.
“Fire is a cruel way to die. Dalla died to give this child life, but you have nourished him, cherished him. You saved your own boy from the ice. Now save hers from the fire.”
(ADWD, Jon II)
Funnily enough, the same fire as a kiss imagery from Dany burning the envoy’s tokar appeared there too, also used as a threat. 
If he is not a kinslayer, he is the next best thing. [...] What sort of man can stand by idly and watch his own brother being burned alive?
(ADWD, Jon IX)
So Aegon’s death is not going to be a triumphant victory for Dany, after which everyone proclaims her the true queen. It’s likely to just solidify opposition to her, from every corner of Westeros. If it happens during a summit or negotiation, it’d be even more of a tragic parallel to Robb and the Red Wedding; the young king murdered off of the battlefield, at an event where he was promised safe conduct. Featuring Dany in the role of Roose Bolton and Tywin Lannister. Tywin’s already died a very undignified death, and Roose Bolton looks to be on his way too.
I think the tragedy of Aegon’s death would also hit harder if we see it through Jon, as a main POV, or at least the aftermath of it. Jon was integral at the Dragonpit meeting after all, and probably would be at a peace summit or negotiation between the leaders of Westeros and the invading force.
In ASOS, there’s a curious lack of Jon’s reaction to Robb’s death. We see his initial reaction to Bran and Rickon’s supposed deaths when he gets back to Castle Black, but he doesn’t even know about Robb’s death until Stannis arrives to defeat the wildlings, and we’re not shown the moment he’s told about it. He barely even thinks about it, not even a mention until he meets with Stannis on top of the Wall:
“Your brother was the rightful Lord of Winterfell. If he had stayed home and done his duty, instead of crowning himself and riding off to conquer the riverlands, he might be alive today. Be that as it may. You are not Robb, no more than I am Robert.”
The harsh words had blown away whatever sympathy Jon might have had for Stannis. “I loved my brother,” he said.
(ASOS, Jon XI)
And that’s literally all we get that is specifically about Robb’s death - the rest of Jon’s chapters, his guilt and grief is about the loss of all his siblings, and the idea of stealing Winterfell from them. It doesn’t really make sense for him to not think about it at all, considering how close they were. This reminds me of how he has a non-reaction to Sansa’s marriage to Tyrion as well, as talked about in this post by @agentrouka-blog. Part of this could be Jon’s tendency towards denial and suppression of all his feelings, but it also points to GRRM explicitly obscuring his reaction - perhaps because he’s going to explore it in the wake of another brother dying a very similar death? One that this time he’ll be there to witness?
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ignitification · 3 years
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Colour Analysis III: (LoV Series II) - Dabi
Yes, no - you don't have any hallucination. It's here. It is. And yes, it took an absurdly long time to, but it's here so mh, yeah - enjoy.
I suddenly remembered that an ask, long ago, asked me about the design pattern evident for Dabi. It's here in case you want to have a look at it.
As I stated there, Dabi is a living contradiction, especially in terms of colour theory.
His colour pattern is a chameleon of sorts: he both represents light and dark at the same time, as if he cannot decide which one to stick with. I think that this duality has all to do with his genealogy. Inheriting his mother constitution and his father's Quirk amplified, Dabi goes through an adaptation process, manifesting especially by the change in his hair's colour (same as Tomura, that is - you can find the link for his analysis at the bottom of the post). The dyeing hair is also part of the process, but this time it comes about with a voluntary part, which brings us to the point that even if not entirely, Dabi's personality is build around a feeling and a character, which he wants to express and contrast at the same time. This is why, as I already specified the most important colour when it comes to Dabi are Blue, Purple and White (with a sprinkle of Red).
I.) Royal Blue
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More than any other colour, Blue is what fits Dabi the most. His eyes are blue, his fire is blue and his clothes are blue (different variation, but you get the gist).
Blue usually stands for coolness, loyalty, intelligence and responsibility. But pushing this aside for a minute, blue has a distinct effect on the human body: it lowers the heart rate and the body temperature and has a calming effect. It's a constant colour which represents the tide of waves and the never-ending blue of the sky. In respect to Dabi, it can be seen how this hardly applies - but, at the same time it does. As Dabi inherits Rei's constitution and her resistance to the cold - but his father's 'fiery' personality, his fire manifests as both. It creates a friction, until the burns on his body become an evident purple. This characteristic has a distinct connection to Red (section IV) - however, the leitmotiv is that Dabi's body is used to the effects that blue should have on him, and instead of seeing it realise they are brought down and counter-affected by Red (which is a metaphor for his entire persona).
Blue has the feature of being ever-changing, which, as you'll have understood by now, is one of many contrasts in Dabi's appearance. He indeed goes through an exterior change - but as blue, he remains steady on a path (which is revenge, and will to actually prove to Endeavour that he is not a mistake), making his character consistent with his ideas throughout the arcs and steady.
An overuse of blue is cold and impersonal - indicating the presence of deep dark secrets and having a  connection with feelings of sadness and depression. It creates the pictures of someone hiding in the dark just not to reveal their secrets, and for a long time we see Dabi trying to keep a low profile and then approach with an attitude of uncaring and cold indifference. He has burned his eye glands, which should allow him to express this feelings - but they are expressed, on the contrary, in the strength of his fire, and causes old feeling to settle and burn their way through his persona.
Blue is a susceptible colour and it hurts deeply - because in the first place, people associated with blue tend to feel too deeply. This fits the pattern of Dabi's fire being conditioned by his emotions, and why likely it creates deep wounds on his body: as a remainder that his feelings, expressed through the fire are way too intense and affect Dabi deeply. Deep enough for him to survive an astonishing fire and to hide for years in wait of having the right opportunity, the perfect opportunity to actually redirect this feeling onto the subject which caused them. As the constant colour that it is, indeed, blue (and Dabi) lives in the past.
Light blue is associated with healing, understanding and softness (his eyes), while darker hues are instead expression of power and knowledge (clothes - as a reminder of adulthood).
Finally, back on the literal meaning of blue: blue is a giver in the relationships that matter, but at the same time this colour can be unfaithful and deceiving (and we saw this in his interactions with the League at first and with Hawks, too). It is associated with intelligence and and consciousness (and indeed, the one who sort of had the reigns of the Training Camp was Dabi, and furthermore he is the only one who Ujiko retained mature enough to control a High End). This encompasses his characteristics of being reliable and responsible - and of course, Dabi embodies the whole spectrum.
Also on a final, funnily enough note, blue is usually associated with voice communication and someone who needs order, and strives for perfection as well as tending to be the one to speak in public. It's idealistic and expresses a will to satisfy its higher needs - and by doing that it expresses devotion in these ideals. So if you think about how Dabi's character is focused on reforming society, and giving Stain's will freedom and realisation, Dabi comes full circle - with a devotion which makes him focused on his goals (Stain's will, reformation of society and the Endeavour' downfall) , the commitment to actual plan their perfect realisation, and the ability to achieve it through the right means (The Broadcast).
II.) Pure White
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White. Integrity, purity, innocence. Mourning, for some cultures. In particular in Japan, it is used as a colour meaning death, and is used in funerals. Same as for Tomura, Dabi uses both White and Black to somehow mourn himself and his loss (Tenko for his family, Touya for the himself he leaves behind) and especially in his adulthood, the concealing of such a colour through pitch black, is not only an effort to hide his identity but also to express a refusal to be the same person. White represents a new beginning, a blank slate. And if we consider these two to be somehow related (because death is seen as not the end, but instead a new beginning) it is clear how this colour, has a relevance to this character. After Touya's death, and his white hair hidden - he becomes Dabi, who has no time to still appeal to the childish feeling of wanting to impress his father and instead throws himself onto a new chapter of his life, because the past he will always remember, has been burned.
Same as blue, white brings serenity and peace - and at the same time it represents coldness and emptiness. I think this somehow emphasises the change in colour from red to white, and the loss of believing in strength (read: Endeavour) instead leaving an empty space in his heart, filled with emotions which he cannot control. The loss of innocence and the acquisition of the fact that Touya will never be what his father wanted him to, and the acceptance of such a thing - further brings out the meaning of the colour blue. (As already stated before, white, in Dabi's case is of enormous relevance - because it amplifies its relation to blue.)
Finally, white brings forward independence and freedom - and it stands for perfection. And I think it's really ironic how white, is not only the colour he inherited from Rei - a cold stark white - but at the same time, Endeavour has tossed him aside for the same reason, and that is because in his eyes he could not be more 'wrong'. But when his hair settles into his ultimate colour of white, Touya also breaks free from his father's expectation (but does he, really?) to start instead a new chapter as Dabi. Hiding the mistake he thinks he is, an instead embraces the personality that has been thrown onto him.
White is also the symbol of truth - which is tied to the revelation that Dabi is Touya Todoroki, and his dyed black hair becomes white, again (revealing the truth of his persona).
II.I) Pitch Black
Just to be as precise as possible, I'm adding a tiny section on black, which can be summarised in two sentences: black is associated with mystery, sophistication, power and authority. It brings forward the symbol of darkness, rebellion and ultimately it stands as a synonym of death. It's a colour which, when considered in respect to white, stands for the struggle between right and wrong - good and evil. Dabi presents himself as someone mysterious, and he does not reveal his name until far down the line. But he is still a representation of power, in terms of quirk and his position both inside the LoV and the PFL. Furthermore, him covering up his hair colour with black, as already said, has to do with wanting to appear a villain more than it has to do with his identity. He wants to fade into background for a while, and then come from the darkness to sweep everyone away - covering himself in black so it sends a clear message to everyone looking at him: that he is dangerous, and that there is no escape from his evil.
III.) Daunting Purple
Now, this is a controversial section. When I first thought of Dabi, I associated him with blue more than anything else, because after all, even if purple is an ever-present colour, it is just a reminder of how dangerous his quirk is, and how his body does not fare well in the friction of his firepower and his constitution. However, I think it is still important to put things into perspective when it comes to Dabi.
It is not a surprise, that Purple comes about as a combination of Red and Blue. The eternal struggle - which comes forth into the most detrimental way possible, for him. The shade of this colour has different meanings (not surprisingly) but, as far as I am concerned, Dabi's is a 'darker purple' (which is the one we have figured in the pictures) and fulfils its duty to evoke sadness and gloom. This is just a constant reminder of his story, and also the why Dabi is not very big on concealing the scars: because he thinks of them as a fair punishment, and that they remind him constantly of what and when exactly things did go wrong. Purple is also a colour associated with royalty and people with authority. On this meaning, there might a controversial stake, because it would actually give a relevance (or positive connotation) to the colour, however, as already stated before - I think that the scars are not only a reminder for himself, but same as the conscious choice of wearing black, Dabi makes a conscious choice to reveal his burn marks and to stitch his skin with evident metal piercings. He is putting them in evidence for a reason, and I'd guess this is the same reason for why he sticks on wearing dark colours, and to due his hair black: Dabi's objective is to appear as a heartless villain, and usually the image of somehow badly injured and wearing dark clothes, as sad as this might be, projects the image of exactly someone you'd like to avoid on the street.
Purple is also the colour of 'Fall', with its fading light. I found this particularly poetic when it comes to Dabi, as Fall might as well be the eternal representation of his character, and the fact that instead Dabi's fire just grown bigger and bigger, hurting him even more in the process - is the total contrary of fading light. But on the other hand, the light of his own personality, and those emotions he keeps tucked away just tend to be fade, dwindle at every sign of possible emotional connection.
Purple promotes the balance between mind and emotions - between the spiritual and the physical world. The balance between Red (emotions) and Blue (mind), and to which Dabi is not accustomed, yet. Finally, purple - among others - is also a mourning colour (reminder that both White and Black are also mourning colours). And it also inspires mystery, which again the image Dabi likes to project about himself onto others.
IV.) Flourishing Red
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Red is Dabi's curse and representation. The contrast to white, and also the exacerbation of Blue. Red is the colour that gets the blood going (or rather, in this case, 'The one that turns up the heat' and which contrasts the calming effects of Blue) and the one who expresses passion and strength (which is why Endeavour's personality colour is Red - it's not a case that Red is associated with violence, anger, blood, obsession of power and strength, danger and fiery passion).
Red is the colour which Touya denies, and that instead comes back to bite him back. Red is energising and full of spirit and passion - and the image of a young Touya, striving to get better and make his father proud comes to mind. It's prideful and full of power - the will of a child, and his enormous Quirk-power struggling to keep it in check. This is why, Red after a while fades to Blue - and burns even more than it used to. Passion felt too deep, the exploitation of power which brings destruction. An all clear sentence to actually see why Dabi ends up with denying the all-too-overwhelming presence of Red and its characteristics, opting instead for a more suited to him Blue, which is also highly contrasting to the pure anger and passion associated to Red. The fact that Touya's hair changes, is an indicator of how he negates his father's influence, but still insists on hanging on those feelings, because he cannot let go of them. A walking oxymoron.
Thank for staying all the way, and for reading.
P.S. The colour analysis featuring Izuku and Shigaraki are respectively linked.
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the-girl-in-the-box · 3 years
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Not Today IV
A/N: Funnily enough, I was really struggling with what to write in this chapter. Then, it hit me, and... it got long enough I decided to make it into two separate chapters. Finally getting some more plot building here, and this little feast arc will be wrapped up next week! Until then, I hope you enjoy! Skål!
Summary:  When Ivar takes the throne of Kattegat, Lagertha flees to Wessex along with Björn, Ubbe, Torvi, and the Bishop Heahmund. There, they seek the aid of King Alfred. This aid comes in the form of his sister, Aethelind, who agrees to travel to Kattegat and try to reason Ivar, who she spent some time with during their youth, when her grandfather King Ecbert hosted Ragnar Lothbrok in their castle. Now, she is the only hope for Lagertha and her supporters to retake Kattegat from Ivar the Boneless.
Masterlist
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True to his word, Alfred had a feast called to be hosted for Aethelind’s guests, and they were rather stunned to hear about the feast being held in their honor. They also were sure this was Aethelind’s work, a show of good faith and good things to come. And Ubbe certainly had no plans of turning down free food.
Sounds of celebration poured out of the feasting hall, and Aethelind grinned widely as she sat, quietly talking with Torvi. The feast was in full swing by now, Vikings socializing with Saxons, something that brought peace to the Princess’s soul as she watched the crowd. Her eyes had focused on Lagertha, speaking in an almost conspiratorial way to the Bishop Heahmund. She smirked slightly, and then returned her attention to the woman at her side.
“And… you are one of these shieldmaidens, yes?” she was asking the older blonde, and Torvi smiled and nodded.
“I am,” she confirmed. “Though, I wasn’t always.” When Aethelind turned a curious gaze to her, she decided to elaborate. “My second husband tried to make me kill Björn.” The Princess’s eyes widened drastically at that, and Torvi chuckled. “I didn’t, obviously. Instead, I killed my husband. That led to me joining the raid on Paris, and… Lagertha trained me from there.”
“You killed your husband?” Aethelind questioned, as if that were the only thing that had caught her attention.
“My second husband,” Torvi confirmed. “Erlendur. He was the son of King Horik, who-”
"Who once helped King Ragnar raid Wessex,” Aethelind finished, and chuckled. “I had no idea you were no stranger to being married to royalty, before Ubbe.”
Torvi laughed softly at what Aethelind said, and said, “Oh, I have always been married to royalty. First, Jarl Borg, then Erlendur, Björn, and now Ubbe.”
Aethelind gaped in a way she knew her mother would have scolded her for, and asked, “Four husbands? Torvi!” This led the Viking woman to giggle, and she put her hand on Aethelind’s hand familiarly.
“Two of them died,” she defended. “Björn is the only one that… we simply did not work.”
“‘Two of them died’,” Aethelind repeated playfully. “I was under the impression you just confessed to the murder of one?”
Torvi nodded, still laughing, and answered, “Yes, but that does mean he died.”
Aethelind gave a small shake of her head, and kept giggling at what Torvi had said. “You are too much,” she teased. As the two began to regain theirselves, Aethelind asked her, “Now, what exactly is a Jarl? Is that… sort of similar to a Lord?”
“Essentially,” Torvi answered her. She began to explain the hierarchy of the Viking royalty, and as she did so, Ubbe found himself chuckling and watching the pair.
Alfred looked up from his meal as he heard this, and tilted his head slightly. “What is it?” he questioned. No one had said anything to Ubbe, so he wasn’t quite sure what the Viking was laughing at.
“Your sister and my wife,” he answered Alfred. “It seems they are getting along very well. I cannot be sure what they are talking about, but they keep laughing together.”
Alfred’s eyes turned from his plate to his sister and Torvi, who were now laughing once again, and he made a slightly considering face. “I suppose I cannot be… too surprised by this. I have always found her to be more similar to our biological father than I am.”
“Your biological father?” Ubbe asked, looking to Alfred.
“Yes, the priest, Athelstan.”
Ubbe’s eyes lit up with recognition at the name, his brows lifting slightly. “Athelstan?” he said, looking back to Aethelind again. “I didn’t know you were his children. I knew him in my youth.” A small chuckle, and he added, “I led the search for the man who killed him, on my father’s orders.”
Now it was Alfred’s turn to look slightly stunned, and he even blinked a few times as he processed this. “You- you were not very young when he died then, were you?” he asked.
“No,” Ubbe confirmed. “No more than… eight winters could have passed, since my birth. But when Floki ran, it would have been about ten.”
“My grandfather sent me to Rome at three years old,” Alfred commented. “It looks as if we were both doing things we might have been… more prepared for at an older age, during our youth.”
“Apparently so,” Ubbe agreed. “Though, I would be lying if I said I was unprepared for such a task at that age. Viking children are prepared for much more than it seems your children are.”
Alfred sighed and shook his head a little. “I wish I could argue that, but I was being taught things in books at ten years old, while you were leading searches for an escaped criminal at that age.” He looked to Aethelind, and smiled a little. “My sister might have been happier to grow up in your world, I think.”
“How so?” Ubbe asked curiously. His eyes turned to Aethelind, who had moved from Torvi to speak to his brother, Björn. He seemed to be quite amused with her, leaning against the wall and watching her animated expressions. Ubbe smirked a little.
“Look at her and your brother,” Alfred pointed out. “Doesn’t she already seem happier, with you all here?”
Ubbe shrugged, even though the thoughts of what had been said of her and Ivar circulated through his mind. “I wouldn’t know.”
The sound of her laughter reached them at their table, and Ubbe noticed the way Alfred smiled. He couldn’t be sure if Alfred was happy to see his sister with the oldest Ragnarsson, or concerned.
“No, you can’t mean that,” she was currently saying to him. “Not one wound? Nowhere? Not even a scratch?”
“Nothing indeed,” Björn confirmed for her. “It is why I am called ‘Ironside’.”
“So explain to me then, how your brothers are Ragnarssons, but you are Ironside? Should they not instead call you Björn Ragnarsson, the Ironsided?”
This caused Björn to chuckle slightly. Her confusion was somehow very endearing, the way her voice shifted and brows drew together as she tried to figure out the name worked. The Viking chose not to let her suffer with that confusion for too long, and clarified, “I am called Ironside, just as my father was called Ragnar Lothbrok.”
“So, your name was never Björn Ragnarsson?” she questioned, and he nodded.
“It was.”
Her lips pressed together in a frustrated way, and her expression fell flat. He chuckled again. “Now you’re teasing me,” she insisted.
“I am not teasing!” Björn said defensively, even lifting his hands as if in surrender. “It is the truth! I am Björn Ironside, and also Björn Ragnarsson. An earned name can become how you are known, instead of the name you were given at your birth. It is the beginning of your own legacy. I am set apart as my own man by this name, and not simply part of my father’s legacy.”
She couldn’t help herself in saying, “And so, Ivar the Boneless…?”
Björn was clearly not quite sure how to react to this. Of course, he knew what her question was- was that name some part of a legacy he had already made for himself? Or, was it a title given to him simply because his legs did not work? But at the same time, it was a subtle way of asking about him, seeing what he had been up to. If nothing else, it confirmed for Björn that the Princess still cared for the man.
“He was first called that because of his legs,” he ended up explaining. “But now, he has turned that name he was given into a name which… he hopes will be remembered for ages to come. It has become his legacy, and likely, it will be a powerful one at that.”
"But not more powerful than ‘Ironside’,” Aethelind teased, and Björn cracked a grin.
"I should hope not,” he agreed. She giggled lightly at that, and smiled up at him.
“Then make it so, Björn Ironside. If it is what you wish. You seem to be a great man. I don’t doubt you can do what you set your face toward. Though, I still wish there were more I could do to help you in this battle.”
Björn looked at her curiously, tilting his head and pressing his lips tightly together. “Why are you so interested in turning against Ivar?” he asked her. “He was your friend in childhood. Why turn against him now? We cannot have become better friends to you now than he was to you then?”
Aethelind sighed, and leaned against the wall as she considered what he said. “In truth?” she questioned, looking to him with the silent question of if she could speak freely to him or not. He nodded. “I am not interested in turning on him. A peaceful resolution is what I am interested in, where there can be peace among your family again. He may have been my childhood friend, Björn, but he was your brother.” Her hand rested against his arm, and he found her eyes to be perfectly sincere when they met his.
Alfred choked on his drink as he and Ubbe saw the interaction between their siblings.
“All I want,” she continued, though they could not hear her, “is to see your family reconciled.”
“Even if that means standing against Ivar?” he questioned.
“I hope it does not come to that.”
Her mind was working quickly, trying to come up with some way she could make sure it didn’t, near ready to pray for a solution, when Björn spoke again. “If it were possible to speak to Ivar, then I would…” The Viking paused, unsure of what to add to his statement, before shaking his head. “He cannot be reasoned with. Speaking to him would do no good.”
Björn, try as he might, could not have foreseen the response Aethelind would have to his words. He believed it was a worthless cause, talking to Ivar, but to her, he’d provided exactly the thought she’d needed. “Unless the wrong person has been trying all along,” she said, a thoughtful look entering her eye.
“The wrong person?” Björn asked. “How could… who else is there to try?”
When she grinned at him, his eyes widened, and brows creased in shock. “No. You cannot mean…?”
"I do,” she confirmed. “Send me to speak with your brother. Maybe he’ll believe I would still be on his side, and he’ll trust me and my judgement. After all, you and Ubbe spoke as if he were still fond of me. Is that true or isn’t it?”
“By his standards, it is true, but if he would listen to reason, he would have already heard it. His desire to rule Kattegat is not only because he wishes to be King, but because he wants revenge on my mother. Do you not remember-”
“I do,” Aethelind interrupted. “But we are taught against such pursuits here. Surely, I could convince him to let it go? I know the good that comes from forgiveness. I can show him.”
Björn would have scoffed, had he not cared if he offended the Princess. “You would have to convince your brother to send you,” he reminded her. “Without his permission, you will not make it beyond the docks. If he asks me what I believe, then I will not voice my support in this endeavor. You are safe here, Princess. You should remain here.”
Aethelind gave a slight huff, and her hand dropped as she moved to cross her arms. “Then I’ll talk to the rest of your party. Surely one of you will support me.” She thought perhaps Torvi would, maybe Lagertha. If she could get two supporters out of the Vikings, then maybe her brother would listen. And if Lagertha agreed, then she could likely gain Heahmund’s support as well.
The Princess wasn’t blind. She could see easily through the way the two looked at each other, spoke in their hushed tones. And… Well, Heahmund was no longer a Bishop, she figured. With that the case, then he was free to love Lagertha. She couldn’t fault him for finding happiness in a romantic love, when his ability to find it in giving spiritual love to the kingdom of Wessex had been taken. Not by any fault of his, of course, but he had been gone. They’d needed a new Bishop.
Well, Aethelind decided that had all worked out the way it was meant.
She turned to find any one of the Vikings who would be available, and soon noticed her brother talking to a beautiful young woman with long, dark hair and fair skin. His betrothed, then, Princess Elsewith. This meant Ubbe was no longer in conversation with the young King, and so Aethelind soon found he was talking to Torvi. Perfect. She began her walk toward the couple, a warm smile on her face as she approached.
“How are you two enjoying the feast?” she greeted, and Torvi smiled brightly in response.
“It is wonderful,” she answered. “Ubbe and I were just saying how excellent the food is.”
“Yes, we are very impressed with… whoever prepared all this,” Ubbe agreed. “It was done well.”
“Good,” Aethelind said, nodding slightly. “Perhaps the two of you would like to join me for a drink? I have something I’d like to discuss with you.”
“With us?” Ubbe questioned. “Very well.”
Torvi and Ubbe followed Aethelind as she went toward one of the tables, finding a pitcher of wine and filling their three goblets. Ubbe noted with interest how she didn’t call for a servant to refill their cups, simply doing so herself. Was that common in England? he wondered.
Once they all had some wine, Aethelind led them over to a place they could sit alone, comfortably, and discuss what she’d wanted to. Torvi and Ubbe watched her expectantly, and she smiled. “I have had a thought,” she began. “A plan, perhaps, that may help your plight in Kattegat.”
Ubbe’s brows lifted as he heard this, and Torvi’s eyes widened. “A plan?” he asked. “What sort of plan?”
“None of you want to fight Ivar, and he’s your brother anyhow, it wouldn’t be right,” Aethelind began. “So… someone needs to talk to him. I have it from Björn that this has been tried, that he cannot be reasoned with, but I wonder… Would he listen to someone who wasn’t one of you? Someone who has no stake in this except perhaps bias toward him, even?”
“What are you suggesting?” Torvi asked skeptically. She was beginning to suspect where Aethelind was going with this, and the idea was unsettling to her already.
“I am suggesting… an old childhood friend,” Aethelind replied with a small, playful smirk. “Someone he continued to think of even once he was home.”
"No.” Ubbe’s response was nearly shocking to Aethelind, but she still turned to look at the son of Ragnar. “No, you also have it from all of us that Ivar has changed drastically since he was young.”
“Do we ever change?” Aethelind questioned. “Or do we just think we do?” Ubbe and Torvi looked at her with slight confusion on their faces, unsure now of what she meant by that. But, before they could ask for clarification, she gave it. “You, Ubbe, said that, ‘he is buried beneath years of anger, and pain, and hatred,’ didn’t you? If he really is still there? If that’s true, then why shouldn’t I try and… bring that back out? You told me he was always cruel, but if that were true, then why would he have behaved so… differently with me? Doesn’t it make sense that, if he wasn’t then, he may not be now?”
“You are putting a lot into these uncertainties,” Ubbe said. “You have no way of knowing if Ivar will be cruel to you if you go to Kattegat. If he is, then the worst-case scenario is that he would kill you. Best is that he simply will not listen, and turns you away. And if he is not cruel, there is still no guarantee he will listen to you. Your life is too great a risk to base off nothing more than a ‘what-if’, Princess.”
"I agree with my husband,” Torvi said. “We cannot risk you. If I knew better that you could defend yourself, then perhaps… But for now? I’m sorry, but we just… we don’t have enough information, and Ivar has always been unpredictable as it is.”
“Then it stands to reason that he might just listen after all.”
Torvi and Ubbe were getting rather tired of being so bewildered by her all the time. What could she mean now?
“You predict that at best, he won’t listen, and at worst, he would kill me. But… he is unpredictable, you say. So it stands to reason that he would again be unpredictable, and at worst, listen to me. At best, he may agree to find peace. And Torvi, if you trained me… I could defend myself, and the worst-case would be far less likely to actually be a threat.”
Ubbe looked to Torvi, his brows creasing thoughtfully as he watched his wife carefully consider Aethelind’s words. Her argument did make sense, in a rather twisted up sort of way. She didn’t want to say it, but the logic rather reminded her of Ivar himself. It sounded like exactly how he’d have sold one of his daft plans- the sort that tended to work, she thought begrudgingly- to his brothers. Perhaps this English Princess had the exact same sort of mad genius that Ivar did. If that were so…
“Very well,” she said, with a sigh. “With your King’s permission, and the agreement of the rest of us, and satisfaction that you can defend yourself… I will agree.”
Ubbe’s eyes widened. He’d had a similar train of thought to hers, concerning how Aethelind had defended her argument, but to hear Torvi agree…
“And I suppose I will support my wife,” he said. The words seemed to surprise him, even as they left his mouth. “Her terms seem… reasonable.”
Aethelind grinned happily at their agreement to her plan. “Excellent,” she said. “Björn has already spoken his disapproval of this plan, but I think if I can convince your Queen, the Bishop- who I suppose will agree with her- and my brother, especially with these terms, then he might come around.”
Torvi grimaced at hearing Björn was already against the idea. “Well… That, or we may have to go with the majority,” she conceded.
“Is he that stubborn?” Aethelind asked with a soft chuckle, and Torvi nodded in a slow way that agreed enthusiastically. “Well, a majority will do, then. Excuse me, I have to find Queen Lagertha and speak with her about this, before Björn does and convinces her against it.”
She glanced out into the people, and found Björn speaking with Elsewith and Alfred, now. The sight made her grimace. “Hopefully, he wouldn’t speak of this in front of my brother’s intended…”
“I doubt it,” Ubbe assured her. “It is too private a thing for him to share with any who are uninvolved. If she weren’t there, he might tell your brother, but… He won’t say anything with her there, I don’t imagine.”
Aethelind let out a small breath of relief, and nodded, smiling once more. “Thank you,” she said. “Well, pardon me, and enjoy the feast, and I cannot thank you enough for discussing this with me.” She briefly kissed Torvi on the cheek, a show of her gratitude for the new ideas concerning her plan. And then, she walked away, leaving a wide eyed Torvi and Ubbe- neither of whom had expected that- behind.
Now, she approached Lagertha and Bishop Heahmund, who were still in deep conversation, which made her hesitant to interrupt. But the matter was important, and she figured both Heahmund and Lagertha would be involved, and therefore, Björn likely would feel comfortable speaking to them both on the subject. She needed to get their approval before he gained their dissent.
As she approached, Lagertha offered her a kind smile, and stepped back just a bit from Heahmund. The Princess held back a knowing smirk.
“Queen Lagertha,” she greeted, giving a small curtsy to the shieldmaiden, and turned to Heahmund. “Your Grace. How is the feast treating you both? Well, I hope?”
“Very well,” Lagertha answered. “We could not be more grateful for your hospitality and generosity.”
“You are most welcome to it, Your Highness,” she said with a smile. “We’re happy to have you here. And Bishop Heahmund, it is a joy to see you returned in good health, by God’s good grace.” She put a hand on his arm, a small sign of sincerity.
“Thank you, Princess,” he replied with a smile. “I can only think it must be your prayers, and the prayers of your people, which moved Him to spare me.” Aethelind grinned, and nodded slightly.
“It must have been,” she agreed. “And we thank Him for it. And for your health as well, Queen Lagertha.” She turned to her, and mirrored the placement of her right hand on Heahmund with her left on Lagertha. “You have been through quite an ordeal. It is good to see you have survived, and survived well, it seems.”
“Thank you,” she said. “The gods have certainly been merciful. It is said that I and my allies have lost their favor, but… We are alive, and with good allies. I cannot believe it is so.”
Aethelind smiled, and nodded to that. “Neither can I,” she agreed. “And, on that front, I have had an idea that I have discussed with Prince Ubbe and his wife, Torvi. One that- with mild alteration- they have come to support. It is a plan to begin working toward the restoration of Kattegat to you.”
Lagertha’s eyes widened and her brows lifted in shock. “You have come up with a plan?” she questioned. “A plan to take Kattegat back?” She hadn’t expected the girl to have any military expertise, and yet she found the fact she did to be something of a comfort. Militarily experienced women were rare in England, and so it was calming to her to discover that Aethelind was one such woman.
“Yes,” the Princess confirmed. “This is still contingent on two circumstances, of course, and those circumstances are that Torvi train me to defend myself. Though, thinking now, I can’t help but think you would also be an excellent asset in this, if my grandfather’s stories held any truth- and I fully believe they do. And, that I have majority approval from yourselves, and my brother.”
Lagertha’s brows now drew together suspiciously. What could Aethelind be thinking that would require her and Torvi to train her..? “And what is this plan of yours, Princess?” she asked.
“With training and approval, I would like to go to Kattegat, and meet with Ivar, myself.”
Now Lagertha’s eyes widened, but it was Heahmund who spoke. “You cannot mean this, Princess,” he said. “I have worked at this man’s side… He is ruthless, and wicked, and he will-”
"-Not harm me, I don’t expect,” Aethelind interrupted. “Would you agree that Ivar is unpredictable, Bishop Heahmund?”
Lagertha watched Heahmund as he seemed to be given pause by Aethelind’s question, his eyes focusing on some invisible place, and his mouth hanging slightly open. He blinked a few times, then closed his mouth, and nodded. “I would, Your Highness,” he finally agreed.
“Then if it is predictable that, at best, he might simply not hear me out, and at worst, he may try to kill me- an option made less likely by Torvi and, should she agree, Lagertha’s training- then the unpredictable option would be that he, at worst, will not hear me, and at best, listens. And if he is unpredictable as you say…”
“Then he may hear you out,” Lagertha finished.
“Exactly.”
Heahmund gave a short laugh, one that held no mirth, but that Lagertha recognized as realization. He was coming to agree with Aethelind already. “That’s just mad enough that… with him, it might work,” he said.
“Then you will support me?” Aethelind questioned, her eyes hopeful. He nodded.
“I will,” he said. “My vote… hasn’t been asked for, but I will offer my support in any way I can.”
Aethelind smiled a little, and gave his arm a grateful squeeze. “You know Alfred has always appreciated your council, Bishop Heahmund,” she assured him. “It may just be your voice that convinces him.”
“If your voice cannot, then I doubt any can. Especially considering I doubt your mother will support this.”
The Princess grimaced slightly. “No… I don’t think she will,” she agreed. “But I will have the support of each Viking- save for Björn, I imagine, and hopefully… including yourself, Your Highness.” She turned back to Lagertha briefly as she said this, before returning her attention to Heahmund. “If I can gain Alfred’s approval of this plan, as I gained his approval in allowing me to open my villa to our guests, then… She won’t like it, but I will journey to Kattegat without her permission. I would simply like to have her blessing, is all.”
“You go for a righteous cause, Princess,” Heahmund said. “We will do all we can to ensure you go with the blessing of God.” He didn’t say it explicitly, but she could tell what he meant.
The approval and blessing of her mother, Queen Judith, would mean little, if the Lord Himself were on her side.
“I believe you are right, Your Grace,” she said with a warm smile. “Thank you.” Aethelind took a deep breath, and turned her attentions once more to Lagertha. “And… that leaves you, before I attempt to sway Björn once more, and then my brother. Will you support me, and this plan?”
Lagertha sighed softly, looking into Aethelind’s young face. The Princess was clearly less experienced with war than the Viking had believed at first. She was speaking of going to talk to one of the most dangerous men in their world, a man who Lagertha knew would have little interest in peace. If Aethelind was going to sway him, she would have to do something powerful in order to do so. Something… very clever. She’d have to gain his full trust before even mentioning peace to him. But, this plan, though only the bare bones of it were had at the moment… could perhaps be made into something that would work. She nodded.
“I will want a stronger plan,” she said, “and a new vote when the time comes to send you, so we all are assured that you are as ready as you can be, but… For what you have now, I will support you. And, I will help train you, if you receive your brother’s approval. With myself, Heahmund, Torvi, and Ubbe… This does give you majority from us, so that and your training is settled.”
“Yes,” Aethelind agreed, and grinned. “Thank you for your support, both of you.” She moved so she could speak more directly to both the Queen and the Bishop at once. “I do wish to have Björn’s support in this venture, so I will give him the updated plan, before I speak with my brother about it. Though, I will do so with or without Björn’s approval. Torvi has insinuated that he may be very difficult to convince, so… I don’t hold out too much hope.”
“My son is fond of a good plan, one he believes will work,” Lagertha said. “And, I believe he will see how like Ivar you think.” Aethelind’s eyes widened. “That, in and of itself, has increased my confidence.”
“Might I ask why that is?” Aethelind asked curiously. “Don’t you think that may make Ivar keen to what I’m attempting to do?”
“On the contrary,” Lagertha countered. “It means it may work exactly as we hope it will on him.”
A smile split Aethelind’s face, and she nodded. “Then I hope and pray it will, Your Highness.” She turned to Heahmund, and with a slightly less enthusiastic expression, added, “We all must.”
“And we all will,” he assured her. “But you have business, now. Go to Björn and your brother, convince them as you have us and the others. Then, we’ll see about training you.”
Aethelind’s smile returned in full force, and she nodded eagerly. “Thank you, Bishop Heahmund, I will.” She gave both their arms a small squeeze, and then said, “Enjoy the feast,” before turning and walking away.
“What do you think?” Lagertha asked Heahmund, stepping back in with a look of concern on her face as she watched the Princess go.
Heahmund sighed as he considered carefully his words, also watching Aethelind’s retreating figure. “Her plan is a good one,” he said slowly. “But if it is approved…” He sighed, and gave a small shake of his head. “I will pray to God daily for her safety, and her survival.”
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veryvincible · 3 years
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Ive seen a few blogs talking about Tony Stark with OCD and I was wondering what your thoughts on it were? I know it's not canon but would it be an okay headcanon?
Oh, goodness. This is a doozy.
First of all, I do want to give the obligatory "any headcanon is okay" when it comes to stuff like this, because some people do pick up comfort characters that aren't exactly like them and then use headcanons to push their characterization around until they become a more efficient catharsis vessel, and there's really nothing wrong with that in a space where characters are pushed around all the time anyway. Your headcanons are yours, and you interact with media how it best suits you. Just don't go talking like this is The Way The Character Absolutely Definitely Is, because not only is that misleading, but also it's kind of stepping on other people who need different headcanons for other reasons.
Now that that's out of the way.
You've come to the right place! I have actually been diagnosed with OCD and have been dealing with it now for a long, long while; funnily enough, the OCD is what led me to worry about the OCD, which is what led me to research the OCD in-depth for many, many years. Not to brag or anything. B) Like, literally not to brag, because it's a mental illness. Anyway, jokes aside.
I'm going to go by the DSM-5 and personal experience with the diagnostic process for now. I know some people have their gripes with the DSM, but it's what we're going with.
Before that, though, I do want to lay some things down here. Though it's not outlined by the DSM exactly, it's common among mental health professionals and people with OCD to categorize different symptoms based on causes of OCD. Because OCD is inherently ego-dystonic, your intrusive thoughts are going to attack whatever it is you care about most-- people with primarily contaminant symptoms might fear illness, people with primarily aggressive symptoms might fear hurting others, etc. There's no standard for what these categories are, really. Different places teach different things, and some people disregard them entirely. But it's good to know they're out there, some examples being contaminant and aggressive OCD as mentioned before, as well as pathologic doubt/completeness, religion, self-control, and superstition. There are more, less, or different categories depending on where you look, so we can just leave that there.
Now, onto the actual diagnostic criteria.
In order to be diagnosed with OCD, you need the presence of obsessions OR compulsions, OR both. So, you kind of don't need the whole set to have OCD, though it's argued that some people view "primarily obsessive" and "primarily compulsive" types of OCD as... plain old OCD. "Pure O OCD" especially has been criticized, as its based entirely on the concept of compulsions being in one's head as opposed to external, which then raises the question of whether or not we're defining mental illness by the sufferers or the observers. Regardless, this is what the current DSM says: obsessions, compulsions, or both.
They must be time-consuming (>1hr/day), cause clinically significant distress, or cause impairment in social, occupational, or other areas of functioning. So, could you be considered OCD if you're perfectly functional to the outside world but dysfunctional psychologically? Yes! Could you be considered OCD if you're mostly okay with the compulsions (often seen in people who believe their compulsions are rational responses to rational fears), but you can't function in day-to-day life? Yes! OCD is defined by how it affects you, and there are so, so many ways that it can do that.
The symptoms of OCD can't be caused by physiological effects of substance abuse or other medical conditions.
The disturbance cannot be better explained by the symptoms of another disorder (i.e. if excessive worries are better explained by an anxiety disorder, you're more likely to be diagnosed with something along the lines of GAD; if your difficulty discarding possessions is more in line with a hoarding disorders, you're more likely to be diagnosed with a hoarding disorder). One thing I would like to mention here is that this is often where the DSM breaks down when it comes to practice rather than theory. I'd like to specifically outline the example under this segment of the DSM that refers to "guilty ruminations, as in major depressive disorder". By these guidelines, would you be able to have both MDD and OCD if your OCD has mostly intrusive symptoms?
Well, yes, actually. There's a lot of discourse surrounding it, but here's the thing. Diagnosis is something meant to put you into a category so you can either seek treatment or get accommodations. For mental illnesses, physical illnesses... anything. This is it. I myself have both MDD and OCD, and part of why this is, is because there's an overlap between symptoms... but that's all it is. An overlap, borderlining comorbidity. And there are plenty of people who have similar diagnoses.
You'll see why I'm bringing this up in a second.
Let's go back to the diagnostic criteria and take it one-by-one.
Obsessions are defined by (1) and (2):
Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and unwanted, and that in most individuals cause marked anxiety or distress. The individual attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, urges, or images, or to neutralize hem with some other thought or action (i.e., by performing a compulsion).
Does Tony experience obsessions? Well, he very well could.
There used to be a criterion in the now-outdated DSM-IV that outlined obsessions could NOT be "simply excessive worries about real-life problems." But in the DSM-5, this was dropped. So, an obsession, by current standards, most certainly can be defined as an excessive worry about real-life problems.
Whether or not Tony's worry is excessive is debatable. We're all aware of Clint's sentiment in New Avengers that basically boils the team's state of being down to "we're extraordinary people, so we have extraordinary problems." Tony's worries are extraordinary, but... are they excessive?
I could go either way on this argument. Due to Tony's massive influence and his feelings of responsibility, we can all see why these worries might be considered realistic and average. But it's those feelings of responsibility that would make a better argument for "excessiveness"; he has taken the stance quite a few times that he's been "the only one who could see what needed to be done", or something akin to that, at least. It's not just that he has serious problems and he's concerned about serious solutions. It's that he feels such a sense of responsibility and guilt that every single problem on the planet happens to be a problem he's obligated to consider by his own standards, and if he doesn't consider those problems, he's an awful garbage man. Again, by his own standards.
One could also easily argue that he could fall prey to both aggressive-type obsessions and pathologic doubt-type obsessions, given that he's terrified of hurting people or causing harm unknowingly and that he's never 100% sure of himself, always "almost certain", and often looking to others (like Happy in Civil War, for example) to vent and try to half-validate himself as someone who really is doing the right thing.
These very obviously cause him distress, and one could argue that his Atlas-like anxiety with regards to keeping the world afloat is a huge factor in his mental cycle of thinking he's not doing enough, which means he's not enough, which means he deserves to die, which means he actually should die if he's not doing anything right, which means he has to try really, really hard to do things right, but he'll never do everything he needs to do, so he's not doing enough, so he's not enough, so he deserves to die.
And the alcoholism could easily come into play here, being a default coping mechanism for almost anything he'd encountered, obsessive or otherwise.
Now for compulsions.
Compulsions are defined by (1) and (2):
Repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the individual feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly. The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing anxiety or distress, or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent, or are clearly excessive.
So, we're going back to the obsessions outlined earlier. One thing I neglected to mention there was what he's referred to as one of his biggest fears, and I neglected to mention it because of how it ties into potential compulsions.
He's mentioned that someone "taking over his brain" is possibly the worst thing that could happen to him, given that he is a man with incredible influence and incredible intelligence and if his mind falls into the wrong hands, it could have (and has had) disastrous consequences. We see a lot of Tony trying to protect his mind as a result, always having backups, always having alternatives, always having contingency plans. This could also be considered a response to an obsession with regards to “mental contamination”, which makes sense.
It's similar with the responsibility-induced anxiety; he made how many AIs, now? He quite literally can't let himself die. He needs to be up, awake, present, alive. He needs to continue doing The Right Thing. We see the same sorts of behaviors even when he's alive and kicking-- he's often in his lab into the late hours of the night. He canonically works multiple jobs at his company. He runs around holding babies around the world, for God's sake. He believes everything deserves to be cared for, loved, and he believes he has to be the one to love it, and so he does, taking up so much of his time and so much of his energy every single day in a desperate attempt to make sure he's done all he can.
This is a man whose every day life could be considered scheduled compulsions if you really wanted it to be, one after the other, in a never-ending cycle of behaviors that he canonically won't ever be satisfied with.
Tony certainly could have obsessions. He certainly could have compulsions. He certainly could have OCD.
It's worth it to mention that self-blame, even for the smallest little details, is extremely common in people with OCD, and... That's also a very Tony thing, isn't it?
All that to say...
Do I think he does?
Well, not... really. I mean, I don't very, very strongly believe that he doesn't. And a lot of neurodivergent people have created incredibly thorough explanations as to why a character not intended to be one way might still be that way-- not even as a headcanon, but quite literally, they just are that way. This is especially common among characters coded (intentionally or otherwise) to have things like autism and ADHD. Whether or not a character "has" something is difficult to decipher, but if you can outline all the symptoms and you can't come up with any other explanation for them, then, well... You've got a neurodivergent character on your hands.
But that's the thing. You certainly can explain Tony's feelings and decisions with a diagnosis of MDD and alcohol abuse. You can. Plenty of people don't really want to, especially with some more toxic beliefs in the mental health community that regard less stigmatized illnesses as somehow also less severe or less validating, and regards MDD as "just depression" in a way that more stigmatized illnesses aren't. 
I don't feel terribly represented in Tony as someone with OCD-- I feel represented with almost every aspect of his struggles with mental health, but I rarely ever read through comics going, "there! There's my OCD thing!" Which isn't to say that it's never happened on a subconscious level, because... I mean, illness bleeds into every aspect of you. It's terribly difficult to find where one part of you ends and the other begins when there's so much overlap. But personally, Tony having OCD isn’t something that I really consider when I read or write (which is part of why I like having Ty Stone around so much-- I can pin a bunch of shit on him that I think Tony doesn’t have, and then I get to write everything I want while still keeping things true to the way I see them).
There are other sufferers of OCD who must certainly relate to Tony, and probably exclusively go "There's my OCD thing!" while reading his comics. I can see why.
So, again.
Do I think he has OCD? Eh. Not really my thing. But I think canon does what canon does, mental illnesses have plenty of overlap, and he meets the criteria enough that if you were to say he had both MDD and OCD, I wouldn't feel any reason to argue, especially if you’re saying it to better relate to him.
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stebeans · 3 years
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She-Ra Inspired Actor AU - IV
Cast List (so far):
Taylor Cruz - Adora/She-Ra
Maya Sanchez - Catra
Jessica Cho - Glimmer
Marcus Patterson - Bow
Mei Lin - Frosta
Alexandria - Scorpia
Emmaline Lee-Scott - Queen Angela 
Jacqueline Emery Grey - Shadow Weaver
Taylor did not run. Ever. It was against her very nature. She never ran to catch a bus that was just departing, she used to stroll into class minutes after the late bell and she’d bet her past gym teachers were now probably grey in the hair from all the stress she had caused in gym class...
But now.
Now she was practically sprinting in a dead run across the studio lot towards the brick building one of the passing assistants had pointed out. Ha! If Mr. Brody, her seventh grade gym teacher, could see her now he’d probably be crying tears of joy seeing as he was always pushing her towards to join the track team. Something about her body build, lithe and toned, had made him believe she could be the next Usain Bolt. It was a pipe dream. No one could ever be the next Usain Bolt unless there was some sort of cloning device. And as if she would be caught dead wearing those gym shorts.
If only her damn alarm clock went off when it should have, Taylor wouldn’t be tearing like a bat out of hell. Apparently some time during the night she had knocked her phone charge loose from the flimsy wall outlet of her crappy apartment resulting a dead battery that never got charged. To make matters worse her beat-up Prius had chosen today of all days to finally break down forcing her to spring for an Uber she could barely afford. Taylor had sat in traffic on the I-105 for hours, her leg bouncing with anxiety and internally debating if she should just fuck it and continue on foot because anything was better than the painful crawl of the worst-known traffic in LA. She would know, being a born native and all.
Taylor cursed her string of bad luck that had resulted her in being late for the first cast meet/table read. She had spent endless nights and every waking second between shifts at the restaurant and a popular juice bar, studying the script front to back, since it had been dropped off at her door a few weeks back.  She had wanted to come prepared. To prove everyone that she wasn’t a risky choice. A mistake. A liability. Taylor was going to be the best damn She-Ra the world has ever known.
Her sneakers squeaked against the linoleum flooring as she skidded into the building, eyes squinting against the brightness of the fluorescent lights. Damn. Not only was she late but now she was sweaty. Ugh, Taylor could feel her damp t-shirt clinging to her back from underneath her signature leather jacket. She slowed to a stop just before the door, huffing and puffing, ignoring the nagging voice pointing out just how out of shape she was. She shot a glance down at her worn leather wristwatch, ten minutes late, not too bad but not great for a first impression. It took a minute to fix herself up as best as she could but at least she didn’t look like a hot mess. Grasping the door handle, Taylor could hear the muffled yet elated chatter beyond the door and without wasting another second she pulled the door open.
The view before her surprised her a little. The room was full of people, both cast and crew Taylor surmised with the handful of people staring intently at their clipboards as they made little notes in the margins. People hung out in little groups, making small conversations with shy smiles and nervous glances. Despite the awkward tension that hung in the air (typical for a first time cast meet) the room didn’t seem as stuffy and unwelcoming as the table reads she had attended in the past. It was usually full of pretentious lead actors already attempting to exert their dominance and one or two fellow male co-stars acting chummy with her.
Just as she was about to step forward to make her entrance a round of laughter erupted near the back of the room, rising above the idle chatter and garnering a few curious looks. Her gaze wandered over to the cheerful group, taking in the small group that somehow was making so much commotion. A short Asian girl had her head tilted back, roaring with laughter and it wasn’t until the taller black male had doubled over clutching his stomach, he was laughing so hard, did she catch the familiar wild mane of hair and wiry stature. Her mouth dropped open, her mind going blank and despite the distance she immediately— and inadvertently—caught Maya’s eyes from across the room. There was no mistake that Maya had recognized her the same time she did and it was quite unfortunate that Maya had been mid-sip when they had caught each other gazes because the girl had practically snorted water out of her nose in disbelief.
It would’ve been quite comical for Taylor had she not been internally panicking and all she could think about was Maya. And that she was here. At the cast meet for She-Ra. Maya. Here. With her. It had been a couple months since she last saw the girl and while she was banking on the shot she wouldn’t run into her again ever since the chemistry test from hell, Taylor knew better that while LA was a large city filled with hundreds of thousands of people, the chances of meeting one another in an audition was quite high. The Hollywood world wasn’t as large as everyone made it out to be.
Caught off guard and shocked beyond belief, Taylor stayed frozen at the doorway. Her mind just barely registering what was happening as Maya descended into a fit of forced hacks and haphazard coughs. Taylor winced slightly at the choking sounds and unwanted attention Maya was receiving. If people weren’t paying attention before, they were now as a few of them gathered around her, worry etching their faces. Yikes, that was one way to stand out at cast meet, Taylor supposed.
Taylor watched Maya wave off their concern with a watery smile and flimsy thumbs up before meeting her eyes once again, as if confirming she wasn’t just imagining things. Taylor didn’t blame her. She too had done a double-take because what were the freaking chances they would meet again? Especially during the table read for She-Ra considering their chemistry test from hell for said production?
Despite the shock, confusion and lingering guilt from how Taylor had last left things, she couldn’t pull her gaze away. It surprised how fast the incredulous look was wiped away from Maya’s face. Now Taylor couldn’t read her. She didn’t look happy because yeah, she was kind of a bitch the last time they talked but she didn’t seem un-happy. Sort of indifferent? Which honestly, Taylor could work with that. She squared her shoulders. She was going to woman-up, approach Maya and apologize. Maybe she’ll convince her to have a re-do introduction. A blank slate. It was of course for the best considering they would now be cast mates for the foreseeable future. It would be the professional thing to do.
She was going to rip off the band-aid and set aside her ego for once. Taylor inhaled deeply took a step forward only to be almost immediately deterred by an arm wrapping around her shoulders. “Taylor!” The Director greeted with a cheer. “So glad you made it! Now that our star is here we should get started, I bet everyone is excited to finally get the ball rolling, I know I am!” The Director clapped her hands until everyone’s attention was on her. “Okay everyone gather around, gather around!” She called out, corralling the occupants to the front of the room, where Taylor now noticed was clear of any furniture and spacious enough for the Director to instruct everyone to form a wide circle.
Oh no. If Taylor was right – and from the round object the Director was rolling in her hands – she was. Taylor felt a wave of dread fill her. She hated theatre games. Despised them actually. Some people thought it was a fun and brilliant way to break the ice between actors but Taylor hated it with a passion, almost as much as she hated running. She didn’t have the natural charisma or friendly disposition to easily befriend people. It would take more than some theatre game to warm her up to others and usually people didn’t have the patience or care to get to know her, already passing judgement in the first few minutes they meet her.
It shouldn’t surprise Taylor that Maya’s eyes lit up at the sight of the foam baseball, with how eager the Latina found everything. Unable to hold back the eye roll as Maya strolled towards the front of the room, hauling her new friends along with her with a cheery glint in her eyes. Apparently that was all it took because the rest of the room began to converge to the front, languidly following after Maya. Funnily, Taylor slipped through the crowd in the opposite direction towards the tables. “Looks like we got our first volunteer!” The Director announced joyfully and Taylor watched as Maya easily caught the ball in her hand, squeezing and examining the colourful foam ball.  
Taylor took her sweet time, randomly choosing one of the free seats left and slowly pulling her shoulder bag from where it hung limply at her side. It was obviously well-used, the weather so worn it was soft to the touch but despite it, it was Taylor’s most prized possession. The shoulder bag was a gift from her grandmother, her first true fan, a believer in her talents and pillar of support from anything from her floundering career in acting to her love life, or lack thereof in this case. Carefully placing the bag on the table, Taylor ran a hand over the flap for good luck. It wouldn’t compete against her grandmother’s unwavering tone as she wished her good luck or the following warmth of her loving embrace but it was the next best thing. Pretending her shoes needed re-tying, which actually wasn’t that far from the truth after nearly losing one on her jog over, Taylor took her sweet time in an attempt to prolong the inevitable.
The chatter within the room rose to an excitable level that had Taylor grimacing. After milking as much time as she could, Taylor straightened and glanced at the circle of her cast mates. She met Maya’s challenging gaze from across the room where the other actress was confidently tossing the ball in the air with a single hand, her eyes never once straying away from Taylor’s. Fine. If Maya wants to play, she’ll play. If that was how it was going to be. Taylor shrugged her leather jacket off with jerky movements, draping it across the back of the chair and strolling to the group where she planted herself directly across from Maya, meeting her challenging stare with one of her own.
As the ball was thrown at her with the speed and projection of a freaking rocket, Taylor barely had the time or reaction to bring her hands up before it whipped her in the face, her hands stinging despite the foam filling of the ball. So. Turns out she was wrong and Maya wasn’t feeling quite so indifferent after all. Feeling a dozen or so expectant eyes on her, Taylor nearly dropped the ball with how sweaty her palms had gotten. In front of a camera Taylor had no issues with her confidence. She could act the hell out of her character, she could play the dumb blonde, the air head cheerleader, the golden child of a popular tv series but when the cameras were put away and it was just her, no script, no fake persona, Taylor was as vulnerable as a baby bird. “Um, hi?” She gulped, feeling her throat dry up like the Sahara Desert.
The Director smiled encouragingly. “Why don’t you tell us who you are, something about yourself, who you will be playing in the show and a little fun fact if you will?”
“Right.” Taylor gulped. “Right. Well…I’m Taylor Cruz.” There was a chorus of friendly “hello Taylor’s” that helped ease her nervousness. “I will be playing Adora and I guess She-Ra by extension. I’m nineteen and a fun fact about me is uhh…” Taylor forced herself to think but with everyone’s focus on her she drew a blank. “I umm, I know all the words to ‘Baby Got Back’…”
Her “fun fact” was met with silence and Taylor could feel her cheeks warm up rapidly. A snort of laughter broke the quietness and Taylor’s eyes narrowed at Maya who grinned at her stupidly, waving off her uncontained laughter. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She apologized between pursed lips, failing to hold back her laugh. “It’s just…it was so unexpected.” The rest of the crew joined in a light chuckle and a towering woman beside her clapped her on the shoulder that nearly sent her flying.
Taylor could’ve sworn her cheeks were on fire and she wanted nothing more for the floor to swallow her whole. “It’s not something I’m proud of.” She added not wanting to give the room of strangers the wrong impression but nonetheless her comment elicited another round of good-natured laughter.
“Well I guess that means we will have to plan a karaoke night soon.” The man next to Maya said cheerfully, who Taylor would later learn to be Marcus.
Everyone nodded encouragingly and even Maya sent her a grin that looked less mocking and more in amusement. She glanced at the director, the obvious leader in this torture game, shooting her a what now?look, hoping that she would understand. “That’s great Taylor, I’m sure we’ll get you on stage soon enough. I bet everyone is looking forward to hearing you sing.” A whoop and a joyous ‘hell yeah!’ cut in that had everyone chuckling anew. “Why don’t you toss the ball to someone and they will repeat your name before they introduce themselves. We’ll continue the process until everyone has had a chance. Anyone who messes up a name will be severely punished.” The Director teased, giving Taylor the go ahead which Taylor was too happily relinquish the pressure to the next unfortunate person.
Taylor lifted the foam ball, all the ready to throw it back at Maya but she overlooked one crucial fact. She didn’t own one athletic bone in her body and while the intended target had been Maya, she nearly taken out the eye of another woman standing two person’s down from her mark. Taylor attempted to play it cool, as if that was who she was aiming for all along but by the raised eyebrow from Maya she could surmise she wasn’t as successful in the ruse. Thankfully everyone else seemed to have not noticed and was more than happy to get the theatre game started.
While Taylor had cursed her luck during her intro, she was relieved that she had gone first. A few people had jumbled up the order of the names or had outright gotten them wrong and were forced to do pushups while everyone booed and teased mercilessly. One pushup would already be…pushing the limit, pun not intended, for Taylor.
It was funny cause in the end the last person to be introduced was Maya, who caught the wavering ball before it smacked into Jessica – or Jess as she preferred – with relative ease. “Hi it’s nice meeting everyone.” She greeted the group shyly and of freaking course, repeated all the names in the room without issues. “My name is Maya Sanchez and I am seventeen years old. I just graduated high school and my fun fact is that my first love is softball and we have been going steady for ten years now.”
If Maya hadn’t surrendered the fact or if Taylor hadn’t seen her pick up the uniform from the floor the first time they met, it was obvious with the way Maya handled the ball with ease, tossing it up from hand to hand, adding spin so the rainbow coloured ball blurred in a magnitude of colours in the air. “Oh! That’s cool!” Marcus remarked. “Are you any good?”
Maya smiled sheepishly, raising one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “I’m alright.” She replied and Taylor had a feeling that she was being too modest for her own good.  
As anxious as she was at the beginning of the ice-breaker game, the ball tossing and questions did its intended job as Taylor could feel the tension release from her shoulders. Admittedly it had been a fun and efficient way to get to meet her new co-stars and the production team. It wasn’t as terrible as she had thought and she even chatted with Alexandria, the tall giant of a woman with long black hair that fell past her broad shoulders, who would be playing Scorpia. She also happened to be super kind which was highlighted when a few people had trouble completing their set of pushups as punishment, Alexandria had dropped to floor and had completed the penalties on their behalf without breaking a sweat that had Taylor slightly, just slightlyjealous.
If it weren’t for her easy smile and kindness, Taylor already knew she would like Alexandria. The woman was unapologetically herself. Where many actresses in Hollywood fought to be tall and skinny, Alexandra looked like she could easily out bench press the guys in the room. She was strong and she was kind, something that was quite rare in Hollywood and Taylor had already made a silent vow to start hitting the gym more regularly. She wasn’t going to cut it as She-Ra with her noodle arms. Maybe she would even ask Alexandria for some tips.
The team was now gathered around the tables. Finally they were going to get down to business and back into Taylor’s comfort zone. Plus she couldn’t wait to jump into her new role. Pulling her well-used copy of the script where all her lines were highlighted with little handwritten notes and questions that she had for the production team. She had made sure she had studied the script as best she could in preparation for the day. The first page was filled with notes, mostly about questions about the stunt work. This role as Adora was going to be Taylor’s most challenging and vigorous yet and to be honest she was more than a little nervous.
The opening scene was mostly action filled and of course being the title character, Taylor had first honor of opening the show.  It was tricky when you were the first person to read at the very first table-read. It all fell on the first reader to set the tone. Was she going to play it cool and comfortable and just read her lines normally? That may send the wrong idea as she didn’t want to come off as lazy or unexcited about her role. But if she went hard, she might look too enthused and everyone was going to be forced to match her intensity. She had internally struggled on how she was going to play her role today but after the ice-breaker game everyone seemingly eager and radiating with excitement, Taylor went with her gut feeling. “Hey Princess.” She growled, trying to make herself sound intimidating. “You lookin’ at me?”
Luckily Andrew (playing Kyle) and Brianna (playing Lonnie) were all too happy to play up their readings too and soon they had set the tone for the table read. The first act was flying by as they had skipped through the action scenes and the introduction of Catra came all too soon. Taylor could feel her palms clam up as she played with the edges of her script.
“Hey Adora…how’s it hanging?” Maya chirped in now, her voice deep and teasing.
Taylor was taken aback as soon as Maya read her first line and nearly missed her cue.  Was Maya’s voice always so raspy? Shaking her head clear, Taylor had forced her eyes up, dismissing her script. She had this part all memorized already. “Catra.” She grunted out in annoyance. “Do you really show up late and let us do all the hard parts? That is low.” Taylor admonished, eyes on Maya who stared back with an excited glint in her eyes. “Even for you.” Taylor finished off.
“Awwww.” Maya cooed lowly, her eyes not leaving Taylor’s. Apparently Taylor wasn’t the only one who had memorize her lines. “You know nothing’s too low for me.” She said before letting out a high pitched cackle that had the cast and crew sharing amused smiles. “Now come on. You look stupid hanging down there.” Maya said, adding a hint of reverence instead of admonishment that Taylor had been imagining on her solo read-throughs.
The two had disregarded their scripts and had ignored the rest of the room as they exchanged lines, playing off one another and Taylor could feel herself ease into her role as Adora. From the corner of Taylor’s eyes she could see the Director and Producer exchange a proud smile. They weren’t the only ones who felt the chemistry. It was quite ironic really given how they didn’t really get along in real life. If only the others knew what had truly happened before today.
Taylor couldn’t remember laughing so hard at a table-read before. When it had come to the confrontation between Queen Angela and her daughter Glimmer in the throne room. Jessica Cho, who Taylor had overheard was mostly in the voice-acting scene and the beautiful and revered actress Emmaline Lee-Scott who played the Brightmoon Queen, were just so natural with one another despite just meeting for the first time today. They had read their lines so perfectly with just the right amount of huffing, scolding and annoyance of a typical mother-daughter dispute that had the whole room in stitches. It was a welcomed follow up from her read-through with Jacqueline Emery Grey who would be playing the role of Shadow Weaver. Jacqueline was just as famous as Emmaline Lee-Scott and playing opposite of her, even for a short moment was enough to leave Taylor star struck. She was glad for the break so she could calm her racing heart and gather herself again.
It had taken nearly all day but the first table read was a success. By the end everyone had eased into their roles and it seemed the Casting Director was now fully committed to the cast. They had all played off one another and the energy in the room was high and full of potential. It was the first time in a long while that Taylor was genuinely excited to go to work. The department heads was thanking everyone for the day and were handing out the upcoming schedule while Taylor was shoving her belongings in her bag. She followed Maya’s movements, watching the other girl slip on her backpack and waving off her new friends Jess and Marcus. They were the last of the stragglers and Taylor decided that it was now or never.
“Hey! Umm Maya? Can I talk to you real quick?” Taylor approached hesitantly, shoving her hands into her pockets.
Maya looked uncertain but nonetheless she nodded. “Sure. I have time. My mom is a little late. Traffic, you know?”
Taylor nodded gravely, grasping onto the lifeline Maya was throwing. “Oh I know. Kind of one of the reasons I was late. So much for a good impression.” She shrugged.
“Eh, I think you did alright Cruz.” Maya said with a small smile.
“I umm… I thought you were pretty great today too.” Taylor praised. “We make a pretty good team.”
“Yeah, we do.” Maya agreed easily. “Near-death experience aside.” She joked with a wry grin. “I had a lot of fun today.”
Sucking in a deep breath Taylor turned to face Maya head on. “Listen. About before. I just…wanted to apologize. I was being rude and I took it out on you. You didn’t deserve any of that and…I’m sorry.”
Taylor fought the urge to fidget underneath Maya’s calculating gaze. After a moment that had Taylor sweating Maya seemed to recognize her sincerity cause she broke into a soft smile. “Thanks Taylor. It means a lot and I accept your apology. I also wanted to thank you.”
Puzzled, Taylor was taken aback. “Thank me? For what?”
“For the first time we met. In the audition room? You stood up for me when that other actress was giving me a hard time and I never got to properly thank you for that. I was super nervous if that wasn’t apparent.” Oh, it definitely was. “And I knew it was a long shot but it’s rare to see any roles for people of colour. I just took a chance, however slim it is.”
“Well I’m glad it paid off.” Taylor stated. “I’m looking forward to working with you Maya Sanchez.”
“Same here Cruz.” Maya replied with her easy-going grin.
An old sedan pulled up to the curb and Maya waved happily at her mother. “Well that’s my ride. My mom’s going to want to hear a play-by-play.”
“Your mom sounds pretty cool.”
“She has her moments.” Maya smiled warmly. “Hiya Mama.” She greeted as soon as she opened the passenger door.
“Maya! How was your day? You have to tell me everything. Is this a new friend? Mija don’t be rude, introduce us unless you are embarrassed of your mother?”
“Of course not Mama.” Maya replied with a teasing roll of her eyes. “Mama, this is my co-star Taylor Cruz. She will be playing She-Ra. Taylor this is my mom, Gabriella.”
Taylor stepped forward, hunching half-way through the passenger seat to offer Maya’s mom a hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Sanchez.”
She could sense Maya’s mother analyzing her, her eyes were sharp just like her daughter. The critical scrutiny must’ve ran in the Sanchez family. Taylor sweated under her gaze, knowing she looked out of place with her multiple piercings. Never had she been so nervous meeting a mother before. After a moment that felt like forever Maya’s mother clasped her hand in a firm handshake. “It’s Gabriella, my dear but aren’t you a sweetheart. Do you need a ride home Taylor?”
It was then Taylor remembered her beat-up car sitting uselessly on the side street back home. She had been so caught up with the events of the day she had forgotten to call for an Uber. The ride home was probably going to eat a good chunk of her savings too. “I took an Uber this morning. I just need to track one down –”
“Oh that won’t do! Take a seat Taylor we can drop you off home.”
“Mrs. Cruz, I mean Gabriella,” Taylor corrected when the older woman shot her a look. “I appreciate the offer but –”
Maya laughed, cutting Taylor off again. “It’ll save us some time if you just give up now and get in the car. My mom won’t take no for an answer. It’s in our culture. It’s best if you don’t offend my mother by saying no to her hospitality.”
“Of course not!” Taylor stuttered, unable to wrap her head around what was happening. She was used to fending for herself and none of her co-stars had ever cared if she made it home or not before, let alone her mother when she had been her manager. “Thank you for offering. I guess I’ll take you up on it. But I can help pay for the gas? I’m just a little out of LA, it’ll be a drive.”
“Nonsense my dear. It’ll be nice getting to know one of Maya’s new friends.”
She stared helplessly at Maya who shrugged and motioned to the car. “Come on Cruz. Let’s get you home.”
The ride was a only a little bit awkward. Fortunately Gabriella was able to fill in the silence with questions about the day, sounding just as enthusiastic as if she was starring the show also. Taylor had sat mostly in silence, answering questions only when Gabriella had attempted to pull her into the conversation but the older Sanchez had quickly learned that Taylor was more content with just listening in. Taylor was leaning her head against the glass window, watching the city skyline pass by and thinking about the day and what was to come. Things were finally looking up. Her co-stars were pretty cool and friendly, the production team was proud of the show they were making and she was on friendlier terms with Maya. They weren’t buddy-buddy but at least she was able to clear the air. Maybe they would never be friends but they both knew that they were good for the show and Taylor couldn’t wait to get started.
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Regarding the character ask meme: I'd love to see your take on Tamaki!
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HE IS ONE OF MY FAVES. As you can probably tell by my icon. I’m sorry this took me so long, but I couldn’t resist beginning the new season as I was working on this, aaand geeking out over the anime took up more time than I thought 😂
Answers under the cut because I could not resist including lots of images and because whoa this really got away from me. Spoilers for season 4 of the anime!
Favorite things about him:
tl;dr adorable+disaster+badass = instant KO
i. He’s never believed that the quirk makes the hero. Granted, it’s from his own insecurity that he believes that, but even when Mirio’s quirk was a liability, Amajiki looked up to him as a great hero. It’s especially refreshing to see because everyone else places so much emphasis on what their quirk can do.
ii. Also, his insecurity. Amajiki describes himself as a plain, boring person so terrified of failure that his brain goes blank when he even considers it. He’s not blush-y or stutter-y or those other tics associated with cutely shy characters—his face is kinda awkwardly inexpressive…he actually looks constipated when he attempts to address class 1-a during his debut…and I get a sense of stillness from him, like someone who freezes up instead of fidgeting. But he’s not fishing for encouragement. He’s likely to bluntly, unhappily shoot down any attempt to praise him because that makes the pressure even worse! No “thank you for believing in me, I’ll do my best,” no, “oh you’re too kind, that’s not true,” he’s like: “no, just…no. shit. what now? I’m not Mirio.”
iii. His relationship with Mirio. What he admires most about Mirio is how, when he goes down, Mirio always rises back up—like the sun—filled with warmth instead of with self-recrimination. He draws people in and fills them with energy. Amajiki painfully believes he isn’t capable of any of that, but he trusts Mirio, and Mirio tells him that there’s plenty of warmth to him even if Amajiki can’t sense it in himself, and even if Amajiki is filled by fear at the idea of failure, he, too, energizes Mirio when he faces his problems anyways. They talk, build each other up, and accept each others’ feelings. Amajiki still wants to be like Mirio (cue “imitation is the sincerest form of…”), but he’s learning that even though he’ll never be Mirio, he and Mirio are alike in the ways that matter most.
iv. it’s as gay as the day is long.
v. How steadfast he is. Given his anxiety, it’s not immediately obvious, but Amajiki’s doubts and insecurities center on his capabilities and self-worth—not on his principles or about what needs to be done. When he’s worried about something, he doesn’t even try to hide it, there’s something very forthright and grounded about the way he struggles to confront the current obstacle.
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vi. He’s such a goofball when he’s alone with Mirio. Here he is pretending to sever his thumb. Look at that smile. And Mirio’s habit of pumping his arms when he’s excited is nearly as cute.
vii. His hero name is awesome. Suneater. Talk about names that represent your ideal self…
viii. Amajiki doesn’t win his battle against Overhaul’s thugs by discovering his confidence and whipping out a super move (which, incidentally, he attempts via flashback+miritama feels and it fails resoundingly). He wins with the power of friendship, but it’s not the typical Power of Friendship spiel.
He fights three side-characters whose names I never remember, so I call them the garbage trio: theft quirk guy (similar to how Amajiki “steals” the forms of what he eats), a guy who manifests crystals, and gluttony guy. Funnily enough, the three have terrible self-esteem issues! They’re fanatically loyal to Overhaul because he’s willing to use them as sacrificial pawns, and being a pawn is better than being rejected as garbage (which each has as his tragic past).
So the narrative presents Amajiki with two types of bonds. Will he identify with the trio’s loyalty to Overhaul, founded on their sense of worthlessness? Or will he identify with their loyalty to one another, founded on their empathy for each others’ tragic pasts? Essentially: what kind of relationship does he have with Mirio?
It’s not even a contest. Amajiki immediately and fully rejects the Overhaul-brand loyalty as brainwashing and focuses on the bond he understands, the “friends don’t eat friends” bond.
So Amajiki recognizes his opponents’ humanity when even they couldn’t. Even though they thought of themselves as nothing more than Overhaul’s tools, Amajiki intuited that the bonkers guy who shouts “eat! eat! eat!” wouldn’t bite his crystal friend when Amajiki used him as a shield. In doing this, Amajiki proved that their lives have more value to each other more than they ever will to Overhaul. He explicitly praises them for trusting each other—something they can take pride in because they forged it themselves—and ultimately removes their masks, symbolically freeing them from Overhaul’s ownership.
It was a cool idea because usually I see the protagonist summon up reserves of power he didn’t know he had in order to protect his comrades, but when Amajiki was inspired by remembering how Mirio believes in him, it doesn’t actually work because the garbage trio calls on their own bond to counter his power-up. Or usually it’s the antagonist who turns the protagonists’ love for each other against them, and here it was reversed. Except Amajiki used their friendship against them not out of contempt for their bond, “oh your love makes you so weak and predictable,” but out of respect for it, “love is what makes you strong, and I know that because it makes me strong, too.”
ix. His weird, pointy ears.
x. His dub voice acting: it’s stellar. Props to Aaron Dismuke, highly recommend watching his episodes in the dub.
Least favorite things about him:
His first name, Tamaki. It just never sticks in my mind—Amajiki is much more distinctive. (Apparently I have some sort of big three mental block, because I can rarely remember Mirio’s and Nejire’s last names, either.)
He didn’t really grow or learn anything from his fight against the garbage trio. He was already confident in his bond with Mirio, and the whole reason he volunteered to fight the trio was that he thought he could win, so it was basically a high-stakes training exercise in sticking to his guns. I think the purpose of the fight was to teach the audience that he and Mirio are a positive foil for bakudeku, providing another way Mirio is superior to Midoriya + amping Mirio up before his tragedy-slash-victory, so it’s a shame Amajiki’s most major scene wasn’t about himself.
I wish he had more screen time, I wish he had more development, I wish we got his reaction to Mirio losing his quirk, I wish had scenes with more characters than just Mirio, Kirishima, and Fat Gum, etc. The usual gripes about faves who are side characters.
Favorite lines:
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Ch132 – I love how forthright he is lol. No attempt to put up a strong front.
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Ch132 – When the thug Amajiki’s fighting shouts at him, his feelings are hurt 😂 also bonus for kiri trying to comfort him
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Ch135 – cool as a cucumber
And two I won’t include the panels for…
His badass line in 141, “I might not understand your rage. Your grief. Everything that led you here…but I know all about solid bonds! And my friends don’t use each other! Because friends don’t eat friends.”
and when he collapses after beating the garbage trio:*THUD* Huh…why’s the floor so close to my face?doofus
BROTPs:
Kirishima!! His pep talks to Amajiki while they were on patrol were really cute. I can only imagine how he handles Kirishima and Tetsutetsu! He’s totally the third wheel, and normally he’s happy to be! But sometimes he watches the two hype each other up and gets depressed about it because he’s never that positive and encouraging. Sometimes Fat Gum leaves Amajiki in charge and it seriously stresses him out because Tetsutetsu occasionally charges off to do his own thing and it’s a whole ordeal to rein him in.
And oh shit, Nejire’s personality is just as cute as Amajiki’s, I’d love to see more of the two of them hanging out. (and just…more of Nejire in general, please. Her debut was so funny and then Horikoshi did nothing with her.)
In class-a, I’m curious to see how Amajiki and Yaoyorozu would get along. They’re both gifted students with confidence issues and quirks that depend on eating, so it would be nice to see them hit it off. I’d also be interested to see Amajiki and Bakugo interact, especially with Kirishima there.
Also, since Amajiki has such a preoccupation with exuberant, confident people, I’d love to see him somehow meet Inasa.
This isn’t a brotp, but I’ll bet Nighteye intimidated the shit out of Amajiki… Mirio told Amajiki endless anecdotes about Nighteye but it didn’t work, till the day he dies Amajiki will still get clammy any time he thinks of Nighteye’s glare or the purported tickle machine.
Again not a brotp, but I’d love to see Amajiki vs. Shigaraki. That sounds like an awesome fight. (…ideally before Shigaraki gets all OP and only Midoriya can beat him.)
OTP:
Mirio.
NOTP:
Nobody comes to mind.
Random headcanons:
Most of the food Amajiki eats goes into his quirk; he doesn’t properly extract its caloric and nutritional value, and if he’s not careful, he could accidentally become malnourished. (It also makes it difficult to put on muscle.) So he eats a ton, to make sure he has enough to fuel both his quirk and his body, and he’s self-conscious at how much more he eats than other people.
When Amajiki vomits, his quirk is weakened to the point it’s basically null. He has to take a break and chow down before he can use it again. …Re-ingesting the puke is…not an option.
Clothing is a big issue for his hero work. He could develop a really powerful fighting style, one that involves producing limbs from his back and torso, if he were willing to wear a little less…but that’s never going to happen. Mirio can run around naked, but Amajiki can’t!
I don’t know if this is a translation quirk or fanon or what, but I adore it when Nejire calls Amajiki “chicken-hearted” in fanfiction. It’s a short, cute joke about his quirk and I wholeheartedly hc it. I also think Amajiki is closer to Nejire than Mirio is.
Amajiki doesn’t deal with his self-esteem issues by minimizing his challenges. He doesn’t make cheap compromises like, “ok, I know I can do this because it’s so easy even someone like me can do it.” He goes for broke, for being the spectacular hero Suneater, because even if he can’t perceive his own positive qualities, he believes that they’re there.
One of the (many) reasons Amajiki admires Mirio is that Mirio admires him, and Amajiki wants to be able to like himself, too.
When it comes down to it, his self-worth is nowhere near as desperately poor as the garbage trio because he knows true friendship. Maybe if he’d never met Mirio, Amajiki would have been susceptible to their sort of devotion, but now he never will be because Mirio’s encouraged him to value himself. Amajiki won’t accept a bond that relies on degrading yourself—which is important to know, since Amajiki constantly compares himself to Mirio. But Amajiki’s sense of inferiority is chronic without being proportionately deep. He adopted the name Suneater to declare himself Mirio’s equal, and his climactic line of the garbage trio battle, “friends don’t eat friends,” is one that asserts equality and puts his quirky spin on it to show he’s made the principle his own. Amajiki may not like himself but he doesn’t let it get in the way of taking his place as Mirio’s peer.
Amajiki’s parents are also anxious people.
Mirio is his neighbor at the UA dorms. It’s perfect because Mirio can permeate their the shared wall and they can hang out after curfew. (Mirio keeps a pair of sweatpants in Amajiki’s room for those occasions lol.) Nejire is jealous and always talks about gate-crashing, but she never gets around to it. Even after Mirio loses his quirk, his sweatpants stay in Amajiki’s room because neither of them can quite bring themselves to give those times up.
I am a sucker for making characters’ quirks reflect something fundamental about their hearts, so here’s my take on manifest. Amajiki manifests what he eats, meaning he absorbs from his environment and re-creates it in his own style. It’s not imitation, since Amajiki with one cow hoof and one tentacle, kicking ass, resembles neither a cow or an octopus, but he takes the best from what’s around him and reinvents it. “Suneater”? Thanks to how his friendship with Mirio gave him a stable, nourishing environment, he’s absorbed his favorite of Mirio’s traits and manifests them in his own way, as his own strength, because as even name of his quirk implies—manifestation makes latent qualities visible.
Like Bakugo, Amajiki could have resented Mirio for his strengths; like the garbage trio, he could have let his failures convince him that he’s worthless; but Amajiki consistently makes the best of the cards he’s dealt, even though it involves plenty of doubt and self-flagellation that could lead him down a darker path…but don’t. He’s greater than his demons.
Unpopular opinion:
Amajiki’s shy, but…not that shy. He gets like stiffly shy.
Amajiki still has a ways to go before he’s ready to date Mirio. (Not sure what’s the popular opinion on this.)
I really wish class 1-a versus Mirio had been class 1-a versus Mirio and Amajiki. It would have been so cool to see what amazing teamwork they had and how their quirks were compatible.
Song I associate with him:
Titanium—absolutely. I like the versions by Sia, Boyce Avenue, and Kurt Schneider (I couldn’t choose). Circles by Veela reminds me of his spiraling anxiety. And, I can’t resist, so I’m adding Chasing the Sun by The Wanted on here.
Aaand my ship songs…Appreciated by Rixton, and All of Me by John Legend.
Favorite picture of him:
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Ch141 – Ironclad certainty. I’m not even gonna apologize for the dimensions and the fact this is huge, just drink it in.
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Ch132 – If this isn’t the cutest thing you’ve ever seen, I will never trust your judgment.
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Ch152 – Unless it’s because this is the cutest.
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Ch152 – When Mirio loses his quirk 💔
I’ve also answered these questions for Todoroki, Bakugo, Uraraka, Endeavor, Sir Nighteye, and Shinsou!
14 notes · View notes
cynthiajayusa · 5 years
Text
‘Schitt’s Creek’ Creator Dan Levy Talks Queer Journey
Oh, sure, Dan Levy gets excited. Really, he does! The sparkle may not be written on his face – cherubic, distinguished, writerly; one with features much like his actor-dad, Eugene Levy – but inside you can bet he’s screaming. It’s a Canadian thing.
Our conversation takes place on a day in mid December, the day after Pop TV’s Schitt’s Creek, his farcical and heartfelt sitcom about a family stripped of their riches that is lovingly created as a gift to this godforsaken world with his father, has picked up a Critics’ Choice nod for Best Comedy Series and Levy is screaming. Really!
“We have a limit to how excited we can be about ourselves,” he says, snickering. He continues, Canadian-modesty fully intact: “But it’s a thrill.”
The thrill humbly extended to a tweet written by the out 35-year-old conveying gratitude for the show’s recent wins when GALECA: The Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics awarded Schitt’s Creek with two honors, TV Comedy of the Year and Unsung TV Show of the Year, during their annual Dorian Awards. (Full, proud disclosure: I’m a member, and I voted for Schitt’s Creek in both categories.)
Get Levy talking about Mariah Carey – the diva inspiration for one of season 4’s sweetest and gayest lines, pertaining to his onscreen boyfriend, Patrick (Noah Reid) – and he won’t stop screaming. We spoke about the Elusive Chanteuse’s prominent place on Schitt’s Creek and about what’s in store for his lovably dramatic character, David Rose, mom Moira (Catherine O’Hara), dad Johnny (Eugene Levy) and sister Alexis (Annie Murphy) in season 5. Plus, this season’s coming out story that Levy says was an emotional shoot and “my proudest episode.”
youtube
I was feeling such disappointment when the Golden Globes and the Emmys didn’t acknowledge Schitt’s Creek yet again this year. So, this Critics’ Choice nod must feel like, “Finally, awards committees are catching up to the rest of the world.”
Slowly but surely we’re cracking into that illustrious group of shows that get nominated for things and it’s a wonderful feeling. We’re a very small show, and I think for very small shows that don’t necessarily have huge resources to promote themselves for award consideration, a nomination from the critics at this point is fantastic. It means it’s been word-of-mouth, and I think the fact that we are also streaming on Netflix has cracked us open to an entirely new and different audience as well.
And listen, our team, first and foremost, just wants to tell really interesting stories and wants to have fun when we go to work every day, and that has always been the goal for me as someone who’s running the show. The minute you start to look outside and think, “Oh, we’re being recognized for this; people are putting us on lists,” it’s wonderful but it can really change the experience of making your show. Suddenly you’re more concerned about, “Are things living up to the standards that the media have kindly set for us?” And that can be really intimidating.
So I try not to pay attention as much as I possibly can; especially when we’re making our show, I try to disengage from all of that so we can really focus on what’s ultimately going to serve our characters. But I’m not gonna lie: It’s been a joy over the past couple of years to see our show up there in the ranks of other shows that I have long admired myself. So I’m just ultimately bursting with pride for our team.
How are the Roses coping with each other during season 5?
Season 4 was a really emotional chapter in this family’s trajectory and we were able to really peel back some layers and show a lot of growth. Season 5 is really about having fun. The guards are down a little bit, which means we can have more fun with our characters, we can put them in stranger situations.
We tried our best to pair characters this season with characters that have never been paired before and really take stories outside of the box and expand our world a little bit, so this season was always intended to be the shiniest and brightest and boldest we’ve ever done. But I’m just really excited because there’s so much in store in season 5. It’s bursting with life and joy and I can’t wait for, particularly, a few episodes.
David does a lot of things this season that, for me, as a gay kid growing up, were horrifying: tree-climbing, baseball. What was your favorite David adventure to shoot this season?
The fun thing about David is he’s someone who has put on such a front for so long that he has really, over the course of his two years in this town, allowed himself to just get in better touch with himself and expose himself to vulnerability in ways that he never would have. So something like the first episode of season 5 (laughs) – constantly feeling the need to prove his relationship and how far he’s willing to go for it – was really fun. I mean, the day was grueling and I was stuck up there (in the trees) for, I think, seven hours…
So by the end of the shoot, your face was David’s. You weren’t even acting anymore.
(Laughs) The character and me as a person really came together in those moments. But yeah, I would say the excitement of our first episode back is really an indicator of what’s to come.
I can’t believe these characters are just now trying on Moira’s wigs. How did that not already happen?
The idea was, for us, that she needed to be on a totally different continent in order for David and Alexis to even dare touch that wall, because of all the things, all the buttons you can press with Moira, those wigs are everything (laughs). So we thought it could be really fun, considering no one’s ever tried them on. And we never ever really touched it, but that was really out of respect for Moira, who was holding court in her home. Now that she’s away we can all sort of have some fun with it, and getting to select which wig we got was a really fun process too. I tried on that little blunt, blonde wig that I wear in the episode and thought, “Well, this could be good for my real life!”
Will there be more Mariah stuff? And also, how much Mariah is played on set?
A lot of Mariah is played just in my life, which seeps into my professional life. She tweeted about the show last year after the Mariah Carey reference in our season 4 finale.
youtube
You recently celebrated that tweet’s anniversary on your IG.
I’ll be celebrating that anniversary for years to come. I lost it. There’s been some amazing people who’ve said some wonderful things about the show, but the Mariah Carey tweet, to me, was like, I don’t even know how to process that. I think back to being a teenager, putting up Mariah Carey posters on my bedroom walls. It was a full-circle moment.
The last time we chatted you told me that one episode in particular this season made you cry. Why is it so meaningful to you?
It’s a layered thing. I find it sometimes quite emotional to be in the position that I am in, to be able to tell queer stories and show them on a mass scale, to write moments and stories, and in this particular case a love story, that seems to really affect people. It’s hard not to think back to a time in your life where you didn’t have that kind of freedom. For me, I think back to high school when I was still in the closet and wondering if I would ever be able to live out in the open. To now be in the position that I am, getting to write what I find to be a really lovely queer romance that millions of people get to watch, it’s quite profound.
And how about the episode’s impact on you?
It’s a particular moment that I had to write that is something that most queer people go through and articulating that, dramatizing that, is just a very meaningful episode for me and for a character in our show. It’s a coming out episode. So getting to write that and trying to find a way around that kind of story that’s been told several times in film and television and literature, finding a dynamic way into that story and out of that story, was probably the greatest joy and challenge I’ve had as a writer for TV. And now that we’ve cut and polished the episode it’s my proudest episode we’ve done as a show.
Given that you understand the weight of this show on your audience, I’m guessing David and Patrick will never break up.
(Laughs) Um, I don’t ever want them to, but you never know what happens. All I know is that we do understand what our fans are enjoying and we certainly wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize their loyalty.
It’s the first successful relationship I’ve had in a while and it’s not even mine.
Funnily enough, me too.
For the Schitt’s Creek: Up Close & Personal tour, you and some cast members are touring various U.S. cities. How did the idea for the tour start and are there any Tina Turner musical numbers?
(Laughs) The idea for the tour started mainly because I think so much of the success of our show is based on the enthusiasm and the word-of-mouth that has come from our fans. And the feedback that I’ve received from our fans has been so much more than, “We love your show”; it’s long letters about how this show has provided sort of a safe space, a happy space, a joyful space in dark times. We seem to have a relationship with the people who watch our show and love our show that is slightly deeper than I think the relationship that a lot of people have with the shows that they watch on TV.
Shooting the show in Canada, we don’t ever really have access to a lot of our fans. We shoot for three months out of the year and the rest of the time is me editing or writing the show, and a lot of the response and feedback we got from fans was a desire to interact with the cast, and so we started developing this idea. It’s a Q-and-A, it’s very casual. We show some things we’ve never shown before, we show some behind-the-scenes stuff, we show some bloopers, and there may or may not be a musical performance that may or may not involve a Tina Turner song sung by someone who may or may not play my boyfriend on a television show (laughs). But for us, it’s a great way for us to meet our fans and for the fans to come and say hi in person. We did our first in Los Angeles a little while ago and it was incredible. There was so much love in the room.
Regarding the writing, do you think in terms of meme-able moments in the writers’ room?
No, no! In fact, there was some kind of Instagram sticker – you know the GIF stickers you can use? There’s one of Moira that apparently had like a billion views or something insane, and I’m always sort of amazed how people have taken moments from our show and turned them into these little internet memes, because when we’re writing we never really think about that. But it’s quite an expressive show (laughs), so I understand how it would be very easy to take some reactions from our cast and make some sort of universal reactions of disgust or confusion.
I used your face when I was disappointed by the Golden Globe nominations.
(Laughs) I’m so happy that I could be there for you in that time.
Has working on this show and writing queer characters with your dad bonded you in ways you didn’t expect it to?
I honestly don’t know, actually. The show has been sort of wonderful in the sense that we have been put in a position where we get to see each other every day. I think just going through the experience of making this show and seeing its success has been a wonderful thing for the two of us.
There are just times in your life when things happen that you’ll never forget and you know that you’re sort of in the middle of doing something quite special and lasting, so I know that whatever I do after this show, we’ll always have this time together, we’ll always have this sort of chapter of our lives that we got to immortalize on screen, which is quite lovely.
source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2019/02/28/schitts-creek-creator-dan-levy-talks-queer-journey/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazin.blogspot.com/2019/02/schitts-creek-creator-dan-levy-talks.html
0 notes
demitgibbs · 5 years
Text
‘Schitt’s Creek’ Creator Dan Levy Talks Queer Journey
Oh, sure, Dan Levy gets excited. Really, he does! The sparkle may not be written on his face – cherubic, distinguished, writerly; one with features much like his actor-dad, Eugene Levy – but inside you can bet he’s screaming. It’s a Canadian thing.
Our conversation takes place on a day in mid December, the day after Pop TV’s Schitt’s Creek, his farcical and heartfelt sitcom about a family stripped of their riches that is lovingly created as a gift to this godforsaken world with his father, has picked up a Critics’ Choice nod for Best Comedy Series and Levy is screaming. Really!
“We have a limit to how excited we can be about ourselves,” he says, snickering. He continues, Canadian-modesty fully intact: “But it’s a thrill.”
The thrill humbly extended to a tweet written by the out 35-year-old conveying gratitude for the show’s recent wins when GALECA: The Society of LGBTQ Entertainment Critics awarded Schitt’s Creek with two honors, TV Comedy of the Year and Unsung TV Show of the Year, during their annual Dorian Awards. (Full, proud disclosure: I’m a member, and I voted for Schitt’s Creek in both categories.)
Get Levy talking about Mariah Carey – the diva inspiration for one of season 4’s sweetest and gayest lines, pertaining to his onscreen boyfriend, Patrick (Noah Reid) – and he won’t stop screaming. We spoke about the Elusive Chanteuse’s prominent place on Schitt’s Creek and about what’s in store for his lovably dramatic character, David Rose, mom Moira (Catherine O’Hara), dad Johnny (Eugene Levy) and sister Alexis (Annie Murphy) in season 5. Plus, this season’s coming out story that Levy says was an emotional shoot and “my proudest episode.”
youtube
I was feeling such disappointment when the Golden Globes and the Emmys didn’t acknowledge Schitt’s Creek yet again this year. So, this Critics’ Choice nod must feel like, “Finally, awards committees are catching up to the rest of the world.”
Slowly but surely we’re cracking into that illustrious group of shows that get nominated for things and it’s a wonderful feeling. We’re a very small show, and I think for very small shows that don’t necessarily have huge resources to promote themselves for award consideration, a nomination from the critics at this point is fantastic. It means it’s been word-of-mouth, and I think the fact that we are also streaming on Netflix has cracked us open to an entirely new and different audience as well.
And listen, our team, first and foremost, just wants to tell really interesting stories and wants to have fun when we go to work every day, and that has always been the goal for me as someone who’s running the show. The minute you start to look outside and think, “Oh, we’re being recognized for this; people are putting us on lists,” it’s wonderful but it can really change the experience of making your show. Suddenly you’re more concerned about, “Are things living up to the standards that the media have kindly set for us?” And that can be really intimidating.
So I try not to pay attention as much as I possibly can; especially when we’re making our show, I try to disengage from all of that so we can really focus on what’s ultimately going to serve our characters. But I’m not gonna lie: It’s been a joy over the past couple of years to see our show up there in the ranks of other shows that I have long admired myself. So I’m just ultimately bursting with pride for our team.
How are the Roses coping with each other during season 5?
Season 4 was a really emotional chapter in this family’s trajectory and we were able to really peel back some layers and show a lot of growth. Season 5 is really about having fun. The guards are down a little bit, which means we can have more fun with our characters, we can put them in stranger situations.
We tried our best to pair characters this season with characters that have never been paired before and really take stories outside of the box and expand our world a little bit, so this season was always intended to be the shiniest and brightest and boldest we’ve ever done. But I’m just really excited because there’s so much in store in season 5. It’s bursting with life and joy and I can’t wait for, particularly, a few episodes.
David does a lot of things this season that, for me, as a gay kid growing up, were horrifying: tree-climbing, baseball. What was your favorite David adventure to shoot this season?
The fun thing about David is he’s someone who has put on such a front for so long that he has really, over the course of his two years in this town, allowed himself to just get in better touch with himself and expose himself to vulnerability in ways that he never would have. So something like the first episode of season 5 (laughs) – constantly feeling the need to prove his relationship and how far he’s willing to go for it – was really fun. I mean, the day was grueling and I was stuck up there (in the trees) for, I think, seven hours…
So by the end of the shoot, your face was David’s. You weren’t even acting anymore.
(Laughs) The character and me as a person really came together in those moments. But yeah, I would say the excitement of our first episode back is really an indicator of what’s to come.
I can’t believe these characters are just now trying on Moira’s wigs. How did that not already happen?
The idea was, for us, that she needed to be on a totally different continent in order for David and Alexis to even dare touch that wall, because of all the things, all the buttons you can press with Moira, those wigs are everything (laughs). So we thought it could be really fun, considering no one’s ever tried them on. And we never ever really touched it, but that was really out of respect for Moira, who was holding court in her home. Now that she’s away we can all sort of have some fun with it, and getting to select which wig we got was a really fun process too. I tried on that little blunt, blonde wig that I wear in the episode and thought, “Well, this could be good for my real life!”
Will there be more Mariah stuff? And also, how much Mariah is played on set?
A lot of Mariah is played just in my life, which seeps into my professional life. She tweeted about the show last year after the Mariah Carey reference in our season 4 finale.
youtube
You recently celebrated that tweet’s anniversary on your IG.
I’ll be celebrating that anniversary for years to come. I lost it. There’s been some amazing people who’ve said some wonderful things about the show, but the Mariah Carey tweet, to me, was like, I don’t even know how to process that. I think back to being a teenager, putting up Mariah Carey posters on my bedroom walls. It was a full-circle moment.
The last time we chatted you told me that one episode in particular this season made you cry. Why is it so meaningful to you?
It’s a layered thing. I find it sometimes quite emotional to be in the position that I am in, to be able to tell queer stories and show them on a mass scale, to write moments and stories, and in this particular case a love story, that seems to really affect people. It’s hard not to think back to a time in your life where you didn’t have that kind of freedom. For me, I think back to high school when I was still in the closet and wondering if I would ever be able to live out in the open. To now be in the position that I am, getting to write what I find to be a really lovely queer romance that millions of people get to watch, it’s quite profound.
And how about the episode’s impact on you?
It’s a particular moment that I had to write that is something that most queer people go through and articulating that, dramatizing that, is just a very meaningful episode for me and for a character in our show. It’s a coming out episode. So getting to write that and trying to find a way around that kind of story that’s been told several times in film and television and literature, finding a dynamic way into that story and out of that story, was probably the greatest joy and challenge I’ve had as a writer for TV. And now that we’ve cut and polished the episode it’s my proudest episode we’ve done as a show.
Given that you understand the weight of this show on your audience, I’m guessing David and Patrick will never break up.
(Laughs) Um, I don’t ever want them to, but you never know what happens. All I know is that we do understand what our fans are enjoying and we certainly wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize their loyalty.
It’s the first successful relationship I’ve had in a while and it’s not even mine.
Funnily enough, me too.
For the Schitt’s Creek: Up Close & Personal tour, you and some cast members are touring various U.S. cities. How did the idea for the tour start and are there any Tina Turner musical numbers?
(Laughs) The idea for the tour started mainly because I think so much of the success of our show is based on the enthusiasm and the word-of-mouth that has come from our fans. And the feedback that I’ve received from our fans has been so much more than, “We love your show”; it’s long letters about how this show has provided sort of a safe space, a happy space, a joyful space in dark times. We seem to have a relationship with the people who watch our show and love our show that is slightly deeper than I think the relationship that a lot of people have with the shows that they watch on TV.
Shooting the show in Canada, we don’t ever really have access to a lot of our fans. We shoot for three months out of the year and the rest of the time is me editing or writing the show, and a lot of the response and feedback we got from fans was a desire to interact with the cast, and so we started developing this idea. It’s a Q-and-A, it’s very casual. We show some things we’ve never shown before, we show some behind-the-scenes stuff, we show some bloopers, and there may or may not be a musical performance that may or may not involve a Tina Turner song sung by someone who may or may not play my boyfriend on a television show (laughs). But for us, it’s a great way for us to meet our fans and for the fans to come and say hi in person. We did our first in Los Angeles a little while ago and it was incredible. There was so much love in the room.
Regarding the writing, do you think in terms of meme-able moments in the writers’ room?
No, no! In fact, there was some kind of Instagram sticker – you know the GIF stickers you can use? There’s one of Moira that apparently had like a billion views or something insane, and I’m always sort of amazed how people have taken moments from our show and turned them into these little internet memes, because when we’re writing we never really think about that. But it’s quite an expressive show (laughs), so I understand how it would be very easy to take some reactions from our cast and make some sort of universal reactions of disgust or confusion.
I used your face when I was disappointed by the Golden Globe nominations.
(Laughs) I’m so happy that I could be there for you in that time.
Has working on this show and writing queer characters with your dad bonded you in ways you didn’t expect it to?
I honestly don’t know, actually. The show has been sort of wonderful in the sense that we have been put in a position where we get to see each other every day. I think just going through the experience of making this show and seeing its success has been a wonderful thing for the two of us.
There are just times in your life when things happen that you’ll never forget and you know that you’re sort of in the middle of doing something quite special and lasting, so I know that whatever I do after this show, we’ll always have this time together, we’ll always have this sort of chapter of our lives that we got to immortalize on screen, which is quite lovely.
from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2019/02/28/schitts-creek-creator-dan-levy-talks-queer-journey/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.tumblr.com/post/183119013920
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