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scarletttries · 9 months

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Dad! Roman Roy x Reader Headcanons:

Pairing: Dad! Roman Roy (Succession) x Pregnant! / Parent Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Author's Note: We're back to sweet and sad Roman Roy over here 💕 I've written a couple of headcanons and fics about the moment Roman finds out his partner is pregnant, so for everyone that requested a follow up to that, here are some Roman as a dad headcanons 😊🌸

During the Pregnancy:

- This is life changing news for any couple, but when you grew up as sheltered and neglected as sweet, broken Roman Roy, this cracks open your universe all the way to its foundations. He will be in a constant state of panic and sarcasm as he tries to rebuild his world view by your side, but he'll make sure you know that he never has any doubts about you and your future together, his fears land squarely on his shoulders and his abilities to love this new tiny human. But he used to think he'd never love someone the way he loves you, so that fills him with hope that he can surpass his own expectations again.

- He's never had to take responsibility for his actions before in any meaningful way, so don't be surprised if he's a little bit useless when it comes to making plans and getting organised. He'll need help making it to every appointment on time, but by god will he be there, holding your hand and staring at the little screen with an uneasy look in his eye, like he can't quite fathom that there's a life starting inside you.

- Kendall is so excited that his brother is becoming a father that he tries to give him all his best advice, even though most of it is borderline insane. In the end Kendall recommends some 'galaxy brain parenting podcasts' to Roman, and you come home to find them echoing through the penthouse's sound system, Roman scribbling notes like he's trying to cram for an exam at the last minute.

- Prepare to have the absolute highest end luxuries that money can buy for your nursery, a room bigger than your first apartment and that looks like something straight out a catalogue. Sometimes when you're up at night because the wriggling baby inside you won't let you sleep, you'll find Roman sat up in the corner rocking chair, just doing his best to feel at home in this new space, trying to see himself as the kind of father he wants to be.

- Every word he utters for the full nine months is soft, gentle, calm, even when he doesn't feel any of those things. It's like he's trying to make sure this new life doesn't hear the sound of anger or ridicule at any point in its existence, starting as soon as possible in his desperate efforts to be less and less like his father by the day.

- When the time comes for the delivery, Roman has to keep running in and out of the delivery room, struggling to keep still or take a full breath. Finally when it's the moment of truth, he'll be there. Clutching your hand, wailing into your shoulder in a mixture of fear and being completely incapable of seeing you in pain without it eating him alive, and in a flash you two are cradling a little life in your arms, and your time to get ready is up.

Fatherhood:

- From the moment your child is laid in Roman's arms for the first time, fighting every instinct to keep himself physically detached and just let you handle the touchy-feely stuff, he knows this is going to break him, then piece him back together stronger than ever. He knows he's never going to want to put this little one down, the sheer innocence painted across their face and wonder in their eyes as they stare up at him, it's the only way he ever wants to be looked at again. It reminds him of the first time you smiled his way and suddenly he felt like he could be forgiven all his sins.

- Roman is immensely protective, leaving it weeks until any of the family are allowed to visit, not wanting to put either of you at risk, and not wanting anything to burst the bubble of those perfect weeks at home. Yes, it's exhausting and draining and everything feels like you're doing it wrong, but it's easily the happiest Roman's ever felt in his life.

- Conner and Willa appear first thing when visitors are finally allowed, bringing a generally appropriate gift for a newborn and genuine excitement to be a part of your little one's life. Next up is Ken, who brings the latest in baby technology, claiming it will practically raise the child for you, a sentiment that leaves Roman reluctant to even let his brother hold the newborn. Finally Shiv arrives, her gift of a vintage Mercedes parked downstairs for the minute your little one is old enough to drive, a time Roman claims will never come because they're definitely staying a tiny perfect baby forever.

- His family can tell that something has shifted in Roman as he smiles and plays affectionately with little baby Roy, like a warm, loving part of him that had been beaten into a corner and stifled by his father had finally been allowed to break free again and thrive in the light. When Caroline turns up two weeks later, her gift to you a full time nanny that neither of you asked for, Roman sends her away, wanting to take on this role, using his immense privilege to be there for his child in every moment rather than letting a stranger provide help and reduce that responsibility.

- The fact that you brought this light into his world, only makes Roman look at you with even more reverence, truly the greatest gift he could ever hope for. He's not shy in telling you how amazing what you did was, how incredible you already are as a mother, how lucky he and your child are to have you in his life. While he kept himself pretty PG during your pregnancy, prepare to constantly be called a Milf, and to have him slide up behind you when the baby is sleeping, unable to keep his hands off you and asking when you think you should expand your family to include a few siblings.

- As your little one starts toddling, Roman wouldn't want to keep them as locked in an ivory tower as his childhood felt, taking walks through the local park and meeting the other local parents, trying to just be a regular person and normal father for his baby's sake. Watching how easily they can make a new friend and connect him with others feels completely unbelievable when only a few years ago he wasn't sure he'd ever even have a friend of his own, let alone a family full of love.

- When he has to go into Waystar, you best believe 'the world's smallest executive' is coming in too, toddling hand in hand with their father all across the top floor. By the time they're finished for the day, Gerri's bought them an ice cream, Franks brought a balloon and Carolina is looking up how to get a carousel installed in the lobby. And every one of them is so proud of Roman, the picture of growth and stability (or at least trying so hard to be), far from the man they used to worry about on a daily basis.

- It's challenging for any new parents, but Roman still tries to prioritise having the occasional night as just the two of you, spending some time in an adult establishment with adult beverages, even if half your conversations circle back to how incredible your child is, and how hilarious it is that Roman's taught them to call cousin Greg a monster and run away every time he walks in a room, and how you never needed to worry about taking this step together, because you make a perfect team. As long as you work together, you two can really make it through anything, and your growing family is the best thing yet.

- A couple of years later, when you start to realise the feeling inside you is familiar, you aren't even a little bit scared. You'll come running out the bathroom at the little blue tick on a plastic strip and Roman will erupt into cheers like the two of you just single handedly won the superbowl, tackling you to the ground and covering your face in tears and kisses as he realises this is exactly where, and who, he was meant to be.

#writing #fanfiction #one shot #requests #succession #succession imagine #succession hbo #roman roy angst #roman roy fluff #roman roy imagine #roman roy x reader #roman roy

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accio-victuuri · 8 months

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MY RECENT READS ( April - August 2023 ) 📚

a mix of manhua/manhwa/danmei novels. i’ve also been on an omegaverse binge so you’ll see a couple of those on here. this is my way of documenting what i’ve read and sharing it to anyone who is probably looking for their next read.

I have linked the actual source of where i read them so you can look up the summary & reviews and see if it’s something you like. Please mind the tags and warnings too. ^^

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MANHWA/MANHUA

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Limited Run ( Seasons 1 & 2 ) - sometimes i’m just in the mood for some toxic relationship with good smut and this hits the spot. tho the MC (Yeon-Oh) is really put in an ugly situation, and really just wants to have a better life and escape. It’s not his fault. The power imbalance is definitely there and like 99.9% of people reading it is there for the smut.

Love Shuttle ( Seasons 1-3 ) - I am very late to this story cause when I started reading this was always at the top of people’s rec lists — especially for omegaverse and now i know why. I love a younger alpha x older omega dynamic so I’m happy with that then add in the enemies to lovers trope. The characters are likable and the story progresses well. Usually for omegaverse, there’s always some angst going on but this felt enjoyable to me. Totally a good read.

Omega Complex ( Completed ) - I AM ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH THIS STORY. I have read it multiple times and it’s marked as completed, but the extras are not. If I were to pick my ideal omegaverse story and art it would be this. Again. Older Omega x Younger Alpha. This one is they started as childhood friends who became estranged because of “circumstances” and met up again in college. The school setting itself and supporting characters are well done too. Most stories have fleshed out supporting characters only if they will be a second couple or something, but this does not use that ploy.

There are misunderstandings but i’m okay with that. I know people are stupid and bad at communication in real life so i don’t really get readers who complain about it. Maybe if it’s too much or doesn’t serve a purpose. It’s necessary in this one tho.

THE SMUT IS GORGEOUS. No. Really. How can you describe smut as gorgeous? Well. Read it and you will find out. 👀

BUT THE BEST THING IS I AM INVESTED WITH THE PAIRING. I love them so much. 😭😭😭 from childhood friends to going to school together and all + grown ups.

Their aesthetic also kinda reminds me of the GG & WYB. so yeah.

Cheeky Habits of my Rabbits - what happens when you combine absolute cuteness and smut? This. I love it. It shouldn’t work, the premise is weird, but it’s a great read! hilarious too. Neungso is the most precious bunny!!!!

The Pizza Delivery Man & the Golden Palace ( on Hiatus ) - How do I even begin to describe this without foaming in the mouth. I wish the hiatus will be over and we will know more and see how the story progresses. It looks like a simple premise, MC is a pizza delivery guy who is struggling and he forms a relationship with a rich regular from the “golden palace”. BUT NOOOO. The writing is special. The way the ML’s struggle with his anxiety/trauma and how MC’s simple kindness helped him is so romantic.

Especially the scene when they first met in the rain and the MC offered his umbrella. You never know what people are going through, so it’s best to be kind. It was such a small gesture but it changed both of their lives.

It’s a story of how love can heal. 😌

Plus the MC — Woo Won is one of my favorite leads ever. He is so gentle and kind even if the world is treating him badly, he still makes a conscious decision to be good. He deserves all the love and success! ML ( Seo-An) better spoil him well! 😤

Their problems don’t magically disappear, it’s just easier to exist because you have someone standing beside you. 🤍🤍🤍

The New Recruit ( completed ) - a solid office romance. if you’re into that then pick this up! there’s no toxic power imbalance going on or abuse. I like how MC is someone who started his career a bit late, so he is older than his peers and still a newbie. A perfect read over the weekend.

Mr. Y & Mr. J - I can’t find the link to the completed version I read so sorry for that. Anyway, this one is with theme of “regression” is I think the right time. Where the MC dies and lives again years prior. So they get a second chance at life. The setting is also entertainment industry which i personally enjoy so there was no way i won’t like it.

Salad Days ( Season 1 ) - Something I AM VERY LATE to. I think everyone and their mom have read this so I won’t go into details. I loved the first season and will definitely go back to finish the rest. The pairing is so OTP material 💟

The side characters in the MC’s life, his friends, are so precious too!

Dawn of the Dragon ( Season 1 ) - Fantasy / Smut. That’s all I can remember. What I really wanna know tho is the backstory of the Dragon and who was his mate from the past. I have a feeling the MC is some sort of reincarnation of that person.

Raising Beta (completed) - A very short read. It’s fucked up. LOL. Basically the MC is a beta and the ML who is obsessed with him turns him into an Omega. not only that, he did a lot of other things all in the name of “love” and as a reader you are there to watch it and you can’t do anything to help the MC. It’s definitely an experience to read this. It reminds me of something Kai Bi Qiu might write so maybe that’s why I enjoyed it more than i should. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Hyacinth (completed) - Awwww this one is sweet and makes me all somft. I have re-read this too cause it’s pretty short and the art is beautiful. The MC’s focus on how many meals he has shared with ML was a nice addition and added to the romance.

Plus their little family of three is so cute! XIAO YI IS THE BEST KID. 🥹🥹🥹

How to snag an Alpha ( Completed ) - All I can say is that it’s super funny and the MC is definitely a character. I got so much secondhand embarrassment from the shit he pulls but he ended up getting the Alpha so i think it’s worth it! 😂

Sweet not Sugar ( Season 1 ) - I found this when searching for “green flag” alphas and well this satisfied that. I love the MC here so i’m happy that he gets to be with someone who doesn’t treat him like trash. The MC is at a point in his life where he thinks everyone is out to abuse him in some way so meeting ML unsettles him.

LEE DAN! You deserve to be loved! No matter what happened to you in the past 🥹🥹🥹

December ( Season 1 ) - This is one that I actively check to see if it’s updated cause I’m so invested with the pairing. It should be the usual omegaverse trope but add in the backstory, somehow makes it special. They both meet years ago and MC who is an omega “awakened” the ML into being an Alpha. ML then looks for this mystery person and when he finds him, he will do everything to keep him.

I’m doing a very bad summary i know, i promise it’s not boring. There are other issues discussed in the story, like how horrible omegas are treated. I looooove it when the Alpha goes feral and violent in certain moments too but when it comes to his Omega he is somft.

Their library dates too!!!! 😍😍😍😍

Who’s baby is it? ( Ongoing 200 + chapters ) - My comfort read! I swear. The plot was initially straightforward then it went in a bizarre direction but i still like it. It’s still not finished even with all the chapters and I imagine they can still stretch it to last forever 😂😂😂

My fave would definitely be the children! Rourou!!!! I initially picked this up cause I wanted a story with a cute kid. and i got what i wanted.

+ Entertainment industry setting <3

My Delicious Dream Boy ( Completed ) - The kind of supernatural read that still manages to be fun and light. The MC here is funny without even trying. He only wants to have friends and experience “college life” after years of having to stay at home because of his sickness. The plot could have easily gone dark but it focused more on relationships and the pairing’s growth as individuals — which was so much better for me. Definitely a favorite and reread material.

Affectionately ( Completed ) - This could have been more fleshed out cause there is more story to tell but what can i do.. It is what it is…

It features cute animals cause the MC is supposedly gifted in interacting with them and the ML is the complete opposite. They also work at a cafe together. I chose to read this cause I wanted fluff and it did not disappoint.

My favorite glasses holder ( Completed ) - the MC and his love for men with glasses 😂😂😂 ML is a grumpy kitty and works so well with MC’s bright personality. I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as i do. After this, I have craved for more modern setting stories.

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DANMEI NOVELS

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Deer Fei Fei - an adorable story of the MC who is in the entertainment industry and his “senior” who he idolizes. if you are into a fanboy getting his idol trope they give it a try. It’s also really short with 32 chapters only 💕

Transmigrated and forced to do Business - my guilty pleasure is when the MC transmigrates in the book where they are supposed to be the villain but they don’t want that. So they do everything the can to be on the good side of the book’s protagonist and well… we all know what happens after.

Have you ever met such a cold author? - Fanboy reader who writes fanfics meets his favorite author. That’s it. I was sold with the premise and it did deliver. ☺️

Bu Wang - I started the Manhua and wanted more so I MTL-d it over at gonzicp so I don’t have the proper english translation. I was just craving for a merman type of story and this popped up. It was nice! How the ML became so devoted to him and chased MC when he left AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Stars run to him - I have to take Knoxt ( website ) for this cause i swear i was only browsing completed novels and I randomly clicked on this. It’s what i love about Knoxt, there are translated works there that are not as popular. Absolute gems that deserve more audience.

This is a perfect example. 💕

DON’T LET THE SUMMARY FOOL YOU. I enjoy myself some fake dating for sure, but this is so much more than that. Especially that clue in there : “Gu Zhongyi has loved him for many years…” I don’t think I’ve ever read something like this and that’s why it stuck with me. It would have been so confusing but it was written very well and seeing it all unfold is a treat. Definitely a classic.

It seems there is light - Such a pure story. I swear. A great story about first love and two people who care for each other. It may be boring to some, depending on the headspace you’re in, but please give it a try.

-END.

#if im not working or doing chores or in yizhan mode — i am reading.#personal #book rec #book recs #mlm book recs #danmei recs #manhua #manhwa #manhua rec #manhwa rec

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hisui-dreamer · 1 year

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could you possibly do some headcanons of some twst boys of your choice with a skinny reader?? if not its fine lol

his unconditional acceptance

Characters: Deuce, Azul, Epel, Silver

Synopsis: How does your lover treat you if you're insecure about being skinny?

Tags: reader is skinny, fluff, comfort, bot proofread

Word count: 936

Notes: Thanks for asking! I took this as a 'insecure about being skinny' sort of reader bc some of my friends are like that and I have more references hehe. Also gentle reminder that all body types are equally lovable and there's no need to change anything as long as you're comfortable! Variety in people exist and that's what makes people special <3

Part 2 ✧ Masterlist

Deuce finds it a bit confusing that you would be insecure

he thinks you’re absolutely perfect and he’s still surprised you like him!

but without a doubt, he’s very supportive of you

he values hard work and self-improvement, so he understands the struggles of insecurity and would want to help you overcome them in any way he can

he can be a bit blunt at times but it’s always laced with genuine care and concern for your well-being

provides reassurance and encouragement, and incredibly patient in helping you build self-confidence

constantly reminds you that you are valued and loved just the way you are

his lack of tact and slip-ups may sometimes unintentionally hurt your feelings

but he’s super quick to apologize and make amends, please don’t be upset!

invites to go jogging with him so you can exercise some, and automatically matches his pace with yours

gets you water and towels the instant you need it

he tries super hard to support you in whatever way he can

is also super willing to beat anyone up who dares comment on something they shouldn’t have

Deuce’s cheeks are flushed as he tries to meet your gaze. "Remember that you are so much stronger than you think. You have overcome challenges before, and you have the resilience to overcome these insecurities too. I'll be here to cheer you on every step of the way." He smiles genuinely, fiddling with his hair.

Azul loves you for who you are beyond your physical appearance

as someone who has struggled with his own self-esteem and acceptance of his body, he’s more sensitive about body image and is surprisingly empathetic (for a scammy businessman) towards others who also face body-related challenges

he feels a bit self-conscious about his own appearance in comparison to you at first

but he strives to be supportive, understanding, and accepting of your body size

he knows firsthand how hurtful it can be to be judged or bullied for you appearance

he puts his silver tongue to use and showers you with compliments and gifts so often you won’t have time to doubt yourself

hugs you and whispers words of affection in your ears

he won’t stop until you accept them

this man is willing to go to great lengths to please you and make you happy

loves getting you snacks whenever you feel hungry

and indulges you on any food cravings

also sometimes sends the leech twins to check up on you to see if you’ve eaten

"Oh Angelfish," Azul says as he pulls you into a comforting hug."You are deserving of love and acceptance, regardless of your size or appearance. You are so much more than your physical body, and I admire you for who you are on the inside."

Epel empathises with you a lot

he is more understanding and supportive towards your insecurities

he knows firsthand how it feels to be dissatisfied with your own body

makes you so many apple treats so you can munch on them whenever you’re hungry

he tries to boost your confidence by offering words of encouragement and reassurance

he doesn’t like showing you his weak side, but sometimes he shares his own struggles and how he has learned to cope with them

he will rant to you a lot about vil

it’s a team effort of growing to be comfortable in your own skin

you learn together to focus on their strengths and accomplishments

the two of you set realistic goals for self-improvement on daily habits together

it’s a cute relationship where you both learn and grow

listens patiently and offers gentle words of affirmation

loves giving hugs, holding hands, or just gentle physical reassurance

he’s so happy that you can find comfort in him

also tries to eat most of his meals with you so he can make sure you’re eating properly

Epel clutches both of your hands, his eyes firmly on yours. "I know it's hard when ya wanna change things 'bout yourself, but remember, you're my sweetheart, and I love ya just the way ya are. I wouldn't change a thing about ya. You're special and unique, and that's what makes ya truly beautiful in my eyes!" he exclaims.

Silver's super supportive of anything you do

make efforts to reassure you and boost your self-esteem, showing kindness and empathy towards your concerns

always listens to you talk about your worries attentively no matter how trivial it is

offers words of encouragement and tries taking actions to help you

this man tries super hard to fight off his sleep for you

when he does eventually fall asleep, his first thoughts are you and how you’re faring

takes on a role of being a protector and supporter for you, always trying to make you feel safe and secure in their relationship

he is patient and understanding towards your insecurities given his serious and reserved demeanour

patient and understanding, never rushing or pressuring you to change or be someone you’re not

accepts your insecurities and helps working towards building your confidence at your own pace

he’s your knight after all, he would definitely go above and beyond to ensure your well-being, both physically and emotionally

becomes more assertive in addressing any negative influences or situations that could affect your self-esteem

Silver knelt to the ground, placing his lips on your hand. "I am here to support you, my love, through thick and thin. Your size or shape does not matter to me, for it is your heart and soul that have captured mine," he promises as he looks up at you, his eyes full of love.

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

Part 2 ✧ Masterlist

#twstnexus #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #twst imagines #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland deuce #deuce spade #deuce spade x reader #twisted wonderland epel #epel felmier #epel felmier x reader #twisted wonderland azul #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #twisted wonderland silver #silver #silver x reader

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multiplicity-positivity · 1 month

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Here’s some positivity for headmates who are walk-ins!

Walk-ins, or system members who “walked in” from somewhere else inside or outside their system’s mind, are valid as headmates and are important both to their systems and the plural community overall! We cherish and value all walk-ins, and want you to know that you make your system and our spaces better just by existing in them. So here’s to all the walk-ins out there!

🌿 Shoutout to walk-ins who have become permanent residents of their system!

💙 Shoutout to walk-ins who split their time between their system and their own plane, world, or universe!

🕊 Shoutout to walk-ins who cannot control when and how they enter their system!

🦋 Shoutout to walk-ins who are from a different part of their system’s headspace, psyche, or subconscious!

💚 Shoutout to walk-ins who are thoughtforms, paros, daemons, or soulbonds!

🌊 Shoutout to walk-ins with roles or who help their system accomplish tasks in daily life!

🤍 Shoutout to walk-ins who are from dreams, nightmares, paracosms, or their system’s imaginations!

🐬 Shoutout to walk-ins who entered their system due to a particular member’s special interest or hyperfixation!

☘️ Shoutout to walk-ins who feel faint, blurry, or otherwise struggle to maintain their existence in their system!

💠 Shoutout to walk-ins who consider themselves visitors, travelers, wanderers, vagrants, or otherwise “only passing through!”

❕ Shoutout to walk-ins who rely on gatekeepers to facilitate their entering and exiting their system!

To put it plainly, the plural community would not be what it is today without walk-ins. Regardless of your system’s origins, or the language you use to describe your plurality, if you are a walk-in, we wan to remind you that you are a valid member of your system, the world/universe/area you come from, and the plural community as a whole!

We hope all walk-ins can try to take it easy and treat themselves with gentleness and compassion today. Know that you are loved and cherished just the way you are, and we’re rooting for you in all that you do! Thank you so much for reading, and have a wonderful day!

#multiplicity #plurality #pluralgang #actuallyplural #system positivity #plural positivity #plural pride #system pride #gateway system #walk in #walk in positivity #gateway positivity

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randomwriteronline · 7 months

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Ko-Wahi was a short variety of generally not necessarily pleasant things: it was desolate, cold, harsh, and - when the winds didn't rush after one another through the icy peaks with low howling shrieks, cutting through the frigid aether like claws of an enormous Rahi reaching out to grasp any wayward Matoran foolish enough to dare wander in its territory - it was abnormally quiet.

So it reasoned that if Kopaka, Toa of Ice and Hating Being Around People, was not found anywhere else, he had to have secluded himself to a place that at the very least resembled the environment he had first felt at home in.

He didn't even flinch at the rush of air that accompanied the stomps which suddenly stopped by his side.

"You're late," he only commented.

The jovial jab Pohatu had ready for him froze in his throat, and he tilted his head slightly in genuine confusion: "Late?" he repeated.

"I expected you to be here five minutes ago," Kopaka replied.

"You were expecting... Me?"

"Of course I was," the other replied matter-of-factly: "If there's something I can depend on, it's the fact you'll chase me down to the ends of the silver sea just because."

The Toa of Stone blinked quickly a few times, eventually smirking back: "And if there's something I can depend on, it's that I'll always find you somewhere snowy and deserted."

He then leaned a little closer and proceeded to add, in a goofier tone: "Like your heart."

The gentle elbow punted in his side made him snicker as he successfully evaded it the first time; he cackled a bit louder when the second jab actually hit.

His friend did not dignify his amusement with any verbal response. Instead, he extended his finger.

Pohatu followed where it was pointing, staring at the same vast expanse of white he had just sped through (luckily without having to skid through any frozen snow - perhaps one of the very few things he certainly did not miss about the island of Mata Nui), and found nothing.

At first.

His pinprick pupils, so used to the desert sun, struggled a little more, trying to tighten even harder or widen ever so slightly: even with the clouds shielding his eyes from the sunbeams turned blinding as they were reflected on the candid coat of snow, the uniformity of the colors confused and unified all that supposedly existed before him with only few exceptions. There was snow, snow, snow, more snow, a leftover Visorak web, even more snow, another patch of snow, something looking vaguely disgusting half covered in snow, some more snow, a lance of light reflected from a point just outside the clouds' range, a vast amount of snow, a smaller amount of snow, snow, snow, and one last puff of snow over there. Riveting!

But Kopaka seldom pointed at nothing at all just to stretch out his finger; and once he truly focused on the exact location he was indicating, Pohatu saw.

He saw a jagged thing, sharp end splintered and jutting towards the sky like a blade, ever so slightly greyer than the pallor surrounding it; he saw its missing half laying mournfully among the powdery ground, defeated, cracked, open wide.

He saw its entrails, eroded by the weather, far too small to properly distinguish one object from the other from this distance - still they glittered grey and blue in the lack of color as if to remind in silent screams of their existence, once, as tools and furniture and inventions of scholars, before they'd found themselves abandoned in the wake of their master's leave as strange crystalline gore only partially hidden away in the haste of a half hearted burial.

He saw dozens of the jagged corpse's kind - once pillars, columns, immense bastions, now nothing more than ruins. Enormous animals frozen in place, never to thaw awake once more.

He saw frail, beautiful exoskeletons awaiting with such tiredness to be crushed, replaced by larvae in the bowels of which knowledge would thrive.

The wind passed between them without strength, not even lifting a snowflake.

"Breath-taking, isn't it," Kopaka murmured.

Pohatu nodded in silence.

They simply stood there for a long time, side by side, looking upon the carcasses of Ko-Metru's knowledge towers.

Looking upon what was left of a city of legends.

There had never been a Matoran called Kopaka, in the Turaga's tales.

He had never competed with Ehrye as they rushed to run errands for the seers in the hopes of one day being allowed to stand beside them at the top of those magnificent crystal constructions, spending days pondering and reading stars, uncovering the secrets of the future to the point of turning the very idea of tomorrow into such a mundane thing; he had never known Nuju, never looked at him with awe, or respect, or burning envy. He had never walked those streets, or skied down those slopes, or travelled to the Colosseum inside of a protodermis chute.

And yet he had found his chest aching as he had listened to those descriptions, from a nostalgia that wasn't his own. As though Vakama and his stories had handed him a coal that had long singed the Turaga's hand, still weakly sizzling, that now burned his palm in turn.

Mata Nui had been all he'd ever known as far as he was concerned. There had been nothing before; and if there had been, it wasn't the land the Matoran had been forced away from.

Yet despite knowing as much, despite the attempts to soothe the dull pain that had no place in his logical mind, in the long last hours he'd gotten to spend on the chiling peaks surrounding Mount Ihu the Toa of Ice had been unable to keep himself from wandering away from the material world into absentminded daydreams, trying to construct a memory that had never been there, a life he had never lived.

He had imagined Ko-Metru many times. He had imagined Metru Nui as a whole many times, the orderly archives, the silvery canals, the smoky furnaces, the dangling cables, the unmoving statues - a world for smaller eyes (like his never had been) to see. He had imagined the Colosseum, its inner mechanisms, even the Vahki guards, despite their presence being nothing but an annoyance at best and a source of uneasiness and dread and outright danger at worst. He had imagined himself getting in trouble with them often - who would they have been, to tell him what to do? What made them any different from a Bohrok?

He had imagined them often, but he had never seen them. Never whole. Never alive.

As he stared at what remained of a city of seers, he ached to have been there. Maybe he would have understood better. Maybe it would have hurt more. Maybe it would have felt more like home.

But would he have noticed? Any of the beauty, the lack of strife? Would he have liked a life such as this, spent either pondering on who knows what, or reading pages of history before they were even written, or running around tirelessly for people who did both former and latter? Would this sight have stirred something deep in him now, or would his amnesia have kept his feelings at a distance?

His chest hurt. Something inside it ached terribly, pushing hard against his muscle and metal, like a fish suddenly rushing to break the still frozen surface of a lake in a bout of claustrophobia.

He felt strange, uncomfortable.

Like something misplaced.

Kopaka's eyes wandered over the crystal towers, suddenly overwhelmed. He let out a shuddering, watery breath, as quiet as he could.

He needed not worry about being heard.

Pohatu was too enthralled by the sight before them to notice his momentary frailty.

He gazed on, unable to tear his his eyes from what his brother regarded as an enormous grave he could not mourn properly, and beheld only a thing of beauty.

It was not the vast expanse of Po-Wahi's desert, nor the infinite lushness of Le-Wahi's jungles, the burnt forests of Ta-Wahi, the Ga-Wahi reefs, the cavernous labyrinths of Onu-Wahi - it could not even compare to the frigid landscape of Ko-Wahi despite all their similarities, and he could tell from a first glance.

Ko-Metru and its siblings could have never been what the Koro of Mata Nui had been - they were not a breathing nook interwoven in the world around them: they were carefully constructed bubbles, encased, entrapped within themselves, the wild nature that once had run through it tamed carefully only to cry out despite its weakened form once the binds upon it had been snapped to pieces and left to rot.

It was not beautiful in the way he knew a land to be; it was not open and grand to the point of being frightening. It was shut on itself, broken, a pale imitation of what it had been.

And yet he found it all so gorgeous.

It had embarrassed him at first - not feeling. Remaining still and unfazed as the Turaga had longingly described what the Toa of Stone should have regarded as home, a field of statues tirelessly carved by artisans of his people. He had struggled to imagine it properly, managing only hazy scorches of some undefined place, like a mirage in the desert; and hearing his brothers and sisters wonder aloud, so curious, of how they would have expected their Metru to be, he'd been all but mortified at his own lackluster enthusiasm.

Had he really grown so self centered? All the world seemed to feel as though it had only started existing with his birth upon that fateful shore.

A city of legends on the other side of the sea... He could not have ever pictured it.

But now he was there, walking upon its streets, traveling across its lands, and it looked nothing like it had been described: it looked shattered and lost, and broken, and rusted, and standing still where it had once stood so proud and shining only to spite the cruelty of time that wanted it to bend and turn leveled.

Pohatu had lost himself between scattered remains of monumental statues, details sanded down until unrecognizable, or filled with what little life could make its home in such a crevice. He has searched between the broken Kanohi nobody had ever melted down again, seeing his and his siblings' likenesses over and over and over and over, he had followed broken cables back to the towers from which they had once served a purpose, raced along empty canals to make a sense of them, peeked into tunnels the roofs of which had been torn open like dissected anthills.

Metru Nui had never been whole, not for him.

It had always been this gorgeous wreck, this beautiful ruined landscape. He could not imagine it as anything less; he could not see it as anything mournful, or dead, or ugly.

Each toppled building was where it should have been. Each destroyed spire was exactly as the Great Spirit had intended it to be.

Such a frail, stubborn, lovely, wild thing.

A tragedy and a celebration.

Glowing brighter than the twin suns with every ounce of its incomplete, breath-taking beauty.

Kopaka felt something tug very gently at his arm. When he turned, he noticed Pohatu still hadn't taken his eyes away from the shimmering remains of the towers.

"Did you want to show me this?" the Toa asked, quietly, quietly.

His friend looked back to the sight before them and swallowed a heavy knot in his throat: "I did," he replied.

The grip on his limb tightened ever so slightly.

Comfortingly.

"Thank you." Pohatu whispered.

Kopaka did not answer.

They looked on.

#bionicle #pohatu #kopaka #metru nui #random writing #second hand nostalgia vs finding beauty in ruins: fight (the opponents start kissing each other tenderly)#in other news hi ive read 7 bionicle books in abt a month and im not even remotely mentally stable about these guys #both of these feelings in regards to the past are ones i experience and consequentially im feeling them abt bionicle too #it was never properly alive for me so im entranced by the story and the works and the fans and everything as someone from After It Happened #but at the same time i feel an ache to have been there at the beginning even though i physically couldnt have been #anyways sorry if stuff is ooc. i love these two lads but ive never written for em before #big shoutout to my friend rabid. i love you. thank you for letting the Fleshy Annotations swallow me whole

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lykaonimagines · 2 years

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Notes & Letters - Sinister!Strange x Reader

Sinister Strange version of the reader accidentally lets him know they’re in love with him.

Paring: Sinister!Strange x F!Reader

Word Count: 5,932

Description: After a more than rocky start to the interactions between Y/N and Stephen after being pulled into his universe, she finds she’s actually fallen for the man. Now how exactly does she tell the man she’d rebuffed the affections of so many times, that she does actually feel the same?

Other Things: Fluff.

Warnings: Some swearing. Maybe Stockholm Syndrome? (He did tear her out of her own universe, but this is pretty soft).

Tossing another sheet into the fireplace beside her, Y/N stares at the flames slowly turning the paper to ash with a grimace on her face.

How many times had she tried to write this letter? Whether it was making badly written words vanish from existence with a spell, or letting them burn in the fire place, she felt she was no closer to her goal than she had been when she first sat at the large desk in the… morning?

She’d long lost the grasp on actual time since she’d gotten here. This universe felt like a void frozen in time, slowly disintegrating to its fated end. A fact that once scared her, but she now found a semblance of balance and normalcy in.

Though the light of day didn’t change and clocks were of little use, she’d found she had started to be able to gauge an hour on her own. The routine the two last beings in this universe had found was probably to thank for that.

Her day always began to Stephen rousing her from her sleep for breakfast; a gentle hand on her shoulder and soft smile on his face as her eyes first opened to him each day. When she’d first arrived they had a hard time speaking, her own outrage and confusion and his frustration often hit a boiling point. So he had taken to leaving her notes.

A list on the table top asking for her favorite breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and snacks. A list on her bathroom mirror asking for any products she needed. Another on the wardrobe looking for her preferred clothing types and colors. She’d grown to appreciate them as maddening as the entire situation was.

The fact he was trying to make her comfortable. Make sure she had everything she needed or wanted, keeping his distance from her and only seeking her out to inform her of meals.

She’d at first thought he was angry but felt he had to provide now that she was there, but every look her gave her said otherwise. At first they just held utter adoration. A look she felt she had never earned, that was misplaced from another version of herself and forced on her with far too much intensity. But over time it… calmed? It was still there, in each glance he gave her, but there was more.

She’d started to look forward to the other looks she got from him. Amusement. Contentment. Pride. A gentle smile in the morning, a full laugh that lit up his face after a dumb joke she told him. A smug smirk and nod of approval as she mastered a new spell under his direction.

He was a surprisingly good teacher. While her own late Stephen had often gotten frustrated when she struggled to memorize the spells and replicate them in his time as her Master, this Stephen was different. He’d stand before her and mimic the hand movements step by step, carefully adjusting her hands by the wrist when she struggled. She’d often found herself apologizing for mistakes and wasting his time, but he just helped her reset and assured her that he was spending his time exactly how he wanted.

She’d found herself wondering several times over the course of her time in this universe, what she would do if time was no object. If she could do anything with her time forever. The answers were originally always things that reminded her of home that she missed and the Stephen she had lost years ago. But overtime she found her mind moving to the Strange of this universe.

What would she do if had forever? Train with him and become the best sorcerer she could, two powerful magical beings standing side by side looking over a dying world… ok that one was weird. Evidently she’d been watching too many movies.

What else would she do? Cuddle up to the man on the couch with a movie on the dusty old tv he swore hadn’t been used in decades before she showed up. Conjuring up hot buttery popcorn that left a shine on his smiling lips that she could just lean over and… nope even weirder.

Literally anything else? Stephen shirtless and crawling up her bed with a gleam in his eyes and his hands seemingly leaving a trail of fire on her skin in their wake as they traveled up her… ah fuck.

When exactly these feelings had taken root in her brain she wasn’t sure. It clearly wasn’t overnight. She didn’t suspect a spell of any sort. He hadn’t done any one thing in particular. But once she realized it, it seemed obvious. One moment she hated him, despised him, wanted nothing to do with him. She felt like she was ready to burst into a rage or drop crying to the floor in his presence. Then the next… he’d been kind. Understanding. Accommodating. Caring. Helpful. Other than their initial arguments, he’d always kept his voice low and calm. His hands always to himself unless helping her. Giving her her own space. And she come to see how beautiful he was.

In many of the same ways as her late boyfriend, but many of his own ways as well. Eyes that at first glance appeared to have gone black, were an almost midnight blue. But when the light of the lamp, fireplace, or spell hit them just right, they lit up like the richest cobalt jewels. His slightly longer hair and different style also grew on her, framing his face in just the right way. And she’d be lying if she admitted the darker color palette on his robes didn’t do something for her.

As the feelings grew, she found herself now leaving him small notes. One weird drawing slipped under his plate when he wasn’t looking. “I’m Strong. I’m Fierce. I’m Badass,” stuck to the mirror in his bathroom, one she barely escaped without getting caught, her giggles tipping him off that she was up to some kind of mischief. And probably her favorite, a full sheet ripped from her journal taped to the front of the desk in his office stating, “Bestest Sorcerer,” and several doodles of sparks and a badly drawn sling ring.

She loved those moments when he found her notes, twisting the paper in between his fingers, and a genuine smile on his face for a moment before he rushed away.

Then she started collecting the new ones he left her, tucked into the back of her journal. A heart on a note stuck to a post of her bed. “You’re radiant,” on one on her mirror in the bathroom. “Your abilities are endless,” stuck to the current spell book she’d been reading through.

She needed to tell him… no, she wanted to tell him. She wanted something more with him. She wanted to cross that boundary they’d set up. That thought should terrify her. But it doesn’t. He had seemed content just having her here, not being on his own, being able to see her each day. Yet she’s the one that wants to change that.

Turning back to the journal in front of her, she runs her fingers across her initials etched in the the soft blue leather of the cover. He always put his all into everything he’d done for her. Tried to give her the best he could, the best of himself.

This letter had to be perfect… but how do you admit that the person you’d once cursed, shoved, and berated for literally kidnapping you to another universe; now holds your heart?

It felt like she was writing an apology mixed with defining Stockholm Syndrome more than anything in all her attempts.

Flipping to a clean page, she bites at her lip and starts another go at it. Her free fingers drum on the desk as she writes, slowing as her brow furrows and she scoffs at the line she’d written. However, she powers through to the end. Finally ripping the sheet from her journal and reading it over.

Awful. Just… awful.

Crumbling the newest page into a ball, she stands up from her chair and stretches, tossing the ball towards the fireplace as she walks out of the room to go find Strange.

Y/N’s presence in his office wasn’t an abnormal occurrence, yet every time she entered, Stephen couldn’t help but smile at her and stop whatever he’d been doing, “Do you need something my love?”

“Could I go for a walk maybe?” she asks quietly, a forced smile trying to hide the troubled look on her face.

“You want to walk out there?” he asks with a raised brow. “There’s nothing but debris and buildings being torn apart into the atmosphere.”

“I know, I’ll just stay on the street.”

His eyes narrow as a reason finally clicks into his brain. The implication weighing heavy on his heart. He’d thought… well he’d hoped… no.

“Are you trying to find a way to run away from me?” He asks, his voice going gravely. “There’s none out there, only destruction.”

“What? No,” she insists with widened eyes. “I know that. I just really need some air, and to get out of the Sanctum for a little bit. Clear my head.”

“Clear from what?”

“I’ve just been thinking a lot of things lately, and I want to sort out my thoughts,” she replies, leaning against his desk. “Is… there something I can do that would make you believe me? Or make you feel better about it.”

Sucking in a deep breath he closes his eyes in thought before nodding and conjuring a glowing purple pendent in his hand and offers it to her, “Protection spell. Should you touch something decaying or…” He trails off with a hazy look in his eyes.

“Or?” she presses him, his eyes flickering back to her.

“If you hear the sound of magic, a portal, footsteps, anything. Either immediately hide or head back here. Whatever is safest in the situation. You need only speak my name and I will be there, understood?”

Tilting her head as she looks at him, she realizes there’s fear in his eyes, “What are you expecting to be out there? You think someone is going to show up and take me? Please be honest.”

“As much as that is a concern, I’m more concerned…” sighing deeply his hand holding the pendent toward her shakes before his elbow drops to the desk. “If another variant of myself were to show up here, he’s more likely to kill you than take you anywhere. This isn’t the universe you were meant to be in, many of my variants will sacrifice you for what they believe is the betterment of the multiverse. Hoping to avoid further incursions. When clearly it’s already too late for this universe anyway.”

“So if I see another you, he’d try to kill me? He’d really do that to me?” she asks, a hurt expression spreading across her face.

“If they don’t know where to take you and they’re focused on incursions, yes.”

Her gaze drops to the floor, kicking at the wood aimlessly.

“Darling?

She glances back up at him and gives him a weak smile, “I’m sorry. I guess I just felt like… I’m not sure. I’m known two of you, so a part of me I guess thought that if I had ever met another, he’d at least be… nice to me? I don’t know.”

“Some versions of me take what they believe is right as their guideline. It’s not to say they don’t also have a Y/N back in their universe that they also know well. They will just probably not extend that curtesy to you. Any that are purposely moving across the multiverse aren’t doing so without a reason.”

Nodding slowly, Y/N reaches out to accept the pendent from him and slips it over her neck. “I’ll stay safe.”

Strange nods stiffly, holding back the wave of doubt in his mind telling him to make her stay, “I’m trusting you Y/N, please don’t make me have to come find you and drag you back. Please.”

“I’ll be back, safe and in one piece,” she smiles assuredly at him.

“If you need me, just say my name. Whether it’s danger, you’re lost, or you just want me to portal you back,” he responds, his hands tightly gripping the armrests on his chair.

Seemingly watching his internal struggle, she leans across his desk and presses a kiss to his cheek, “Thank you Stephen.”

His eyes widen at the gesture and use of his actual name, releasing much of the tension in his body as he relaxes into his chair, “Be safe, I’ll see you soon?”

“Soon,” she promises with a nod and heads out of the room.

Once he hears her footsteps fade away and the sound of the large front door opening and closing, he allows himself to brush his finger tips across his cheek. Somehow the spot still felt warm in her absence.

Now far too distracted to go back to the spell sitting on his desk, he gets up from his chair and stretches before heading across the Sanctum.

He’d noticed her writing furiously into her journal earlier and tearing pages from it, and he’d made it a habit to make sure she never ran out of pages.

Walking over to the desk he places his hand on the cover and watches as the journal is quickly refilled with paper before turning toward the fire place.

Immediately his gaze goes to a small paper ball sitting beside it, something she’d intended to burn?

Stooping to pick it up, he twists it around in his fingers trying to decide what to do with it. He should probably just burn it. But it probably wouldn’t hurt to take a glance at it first. She’d been scribbling at that desk for days and burning countless sheets of paper. And he may hold the answer to what she’d been doing. Possibly what had been troubling her, and the sudden need to get out of the sanctum.

Moving her journal aside, he unrolls the little paper ball and flattens it against the desk slowly, realizing he’s looking at a letter… to himself?

Once he’s smoothed out the wrinkles he takes a seat at her desk to read over the paper.

“Dear Stephen,

Well that’s already a lame start but here we are so buckle the fuck up. I don’t know how to write this. I want to be eloquent and confident and have words just fly out fluidly conveying my feelings. But try as I might, that’s not working. I’ve written this same letter now at least fifty times. Each time a glaring failure I wipe from existence or toss into the fire. Watching the pages go up in flames like my chances of actually saying this in some real meaningful way. So I’m just going to say this my way, exactly what’s in my head. The chances are this will end up in the fire as well, but who knows, maybe this will be the one that feels right.

I love you. I don’t know exactly when I realized, but when it finally hit me it took over all my senses. Everything I’ve done and now do is colored by the fact I now know that to be true. And I’ve had to fight the urge to respond to you saying it for… months now? Weeks? Maybe a year? I have no clue. I just know when you look at me with that smile and tell me you love me, my insides turn to mush.

And I just… want more. Like fuck. I want to cuddle up with you on the couch, I want to just sit in your lap when you’re at your desk and play with your hair, I want to kiss you when you’re laughing at some lame joke I made, I want to crawl into the same bed with you every night, I want your hands on me. I want it all and I don’t know how to say it. The number of times I just thought of leaning over your desk, sinking my fingers into your hair and pulling your head towards me and capturing your lips with a kiss… Might be going a little bit insane myself with all the scenarios running through my head.

Also I forgive you. I don’t know how else to really cover this. I was mad and scared and rightfully freaking out. I was kidnapped from my universe by a variant of my dead boyfriend and woke up in a dying world. I said a lot of awful things, I felt a lot of awful ways. I can’t apologize for feeling like I did, because come on. And it’s weird saying I forgive you for something I know you don’t regret doing, but at this point I’m… happy you did? And that sounds crazy to say. But I’m happy I’m here now. Well I mean if this doesn’t go well and you read this and don’t feel the same way anymore then maybe not…

That’s something I’ve been worrying about. That one day as you get to know me better, you’ll realize I’m different from the Y/N you lost and not want me here anymore. I know she was me, but I’m sure there are differences. You have similarities to the Stephen from my universe, but also a lot of differences too. So I hope my differences don’t drive you away. I know your love was for another and translated onto me, and I suppose it could be said my love for my past Stephen might have been brought over onto you as well in some form. The similarities soothing the ache on my heart from his loss, but distinct differences I’ve fallen in love with.

I’m in love with the man that wakes me with a smile and breakfast each day. Leaves me little notes around the Sanctum to find. Patiently teaches and guides me. That stops what he’s doing to conjure tea and snacks for us to sit and discuss the latest book I read. The man that does everything to make a collapsing universe feel like home and a place I want to be solely because you exist in it.

I’m not sure I’ll give you this letter, the chances are low since I hated every other one thus far. But if I do, I love you. And thank you for loving me the way you have and not trying to force me to feel the same. You loved me fully despite my countless rebuffs, and seemed content to just be as we are despite it all. And well, I hope we can be more now, and I look forward to spending forever with you, however long that may be.

Love, Your Y/N”

Blinking slowly at the piece of paper in his hands, Stephen takes a moment for it to all sink in. All the things he’d wanted, hoped for. She wanted too. She loved him too. She’d spent days trying to write this for him. She called herself his Y/N.

Suddenly her absence in the Sanctum felt overwhelming. Every nerve in his body felt electrified, the need to go out and find her and finally have her in his arms nearly making him do so.

But he needs her to know he’ll trust her. And he… he needs her to come back. On her own accord. Not because he dragged her back.

Taking a deep breath, he folds the letter in half and sticks it in her journal, scribbling a quick message to her on the sheet below it.

Stepping away from the desk, he knows trying to study or focus on anything right now is a futile effort. So he takes himself to the room closest to a family room they have. He sits down on the couch, willing his muscles to unclench as he uses his magic to make the tv turn on, playing the first movie that came to mind.

“What if she doesn’t come back?” Echoes around in his head as the words from the film don’t seem to reach his ears. What if another him did show up and take her away back to her universe. Or his own. The idea of someone snatching her away from him causes him to grip the couch tightly below him.

Another him that isn’t a monster. Here playing hero and saving the girl from eternity in the tower with the beast. Younger and less broken, wooing her right out from underneath him.

His mind races and his body practically vibrates as he fights to keep himself in his seat and his eyes on the tv. It’s one of the rare moments when he reflected on his use of the Darkhold, and he wonders if he’d been struggling so violently in this situation if he hadn’t used it. But then again, if he hadn’t, this universe wouldn’t be falling apart, and she wouldn’t be here in the first place. He wouldn’t have been alone, but he might as well have been.

After the death of his Y/N, he steadily slipped away. While he was constantly surrounded by apprentices, students, and other masters, the loneliness he felt was crushing. Like a gaping wound in the middle of his chest that he was expected to “move on from” and continue his days saving a universe that took away his everything. He grew tired of the sympathetic looks, the nice words about who she had been, and attempts to reach him.

When he had first off-handedly mentioned wishing he could find another Y/N, just to have her back, Wong had immediately shut him down. Mentions of therapy, taking time off, getting help to process grief. No. He didn’t want to forget her, and as much as he wanted the sharp pain in his chest to go away, he feared if it did he’d truly fully lose her.

No he had to do something different. He had to have her back. The only solution that dulled the pain to an ache. Hours upon hours going through books, traveling to find other ancient texts he’d heard stories of. The day he first got his hands on the Darkhold, was the first day he had a true ray of hope since he’d lost her.

However, things very quickly got out of hand. He destroyed his own universe, killing everyone in it… and continued to torture himself with dreamwalks into happier versions of himself. Ones where Y/N was alive and staring back at him adoringly. Where he could feel her lips on his skin, see the adoration in her eyes, and just… be happy for a few moments.

A few moments of happiness for another shred of his sanity.

He’d eventually found his favorite universe. A Y/N that seemed so similar to the woman he lost, he almost couldn’t believe it. He visited her regularly, whether it be through dreamwalking or slipping into her dreams. Though he always disguised himself in her dreams, making sure he looked like the version of him that she loved. Some days it felt like it only thing keeping him alive, yet it tore his heart out over and over every time he left the dream.

The day he couldn’t reach the Stephen of that universe to dreamwalk, he spent the rest of the day waiting for her to fall asleep, entering her dream to find her a mess. She clung to him and sobbed, begging for him to come back. That it couldn’t be real that he had died. That she couldn’t live without him, to please come back for her.

And so he did. It wasn’t easy, and it took him some time, but he had managed to finally pull her into his universe. Though his happiness was quickly shattered by her reaction. Perhaps he’d expected too much. That she’d embrace another form of himself to dull her hurt as he wanted.

Their early arguments were wicked, venomous words dripping from both their tongues. But the looks she gave him even as she just crossed the room pierced his heart the most. Words he could deal with easily enough, however the adoration he used to see in her eyes replaced by disgust and hatred… that was far harder to accept.

He’d spent years aching for her to look at him again, actually look at his face and give that adoring loving gaze. He tore apart his own universe to have it. And she could barely even look at him without outright malice.

He had decided to retreat at that point. It was preferable to live a life where he could feel her presence in the house even if he didn’t get to interact with her. The last thing he wanted was to snap on her one day, his years of abusing the Darkhold making him uneasy to where he might go if she stabbed too deeply into his bleeding heart with her words and looks.

So he’d left notes and spent months on end avoiding her for her. Until she started seeking him out herself. Coming to the table to eat dinner with him, sitting in a chair in his office as he worked. Slowly they began to talk, and ever-so-slowly he saw the anger fade from her eyes. A warmth came back to them eventually, a smile aimed in his direction, a hand on his sleeve to tug him to the training room for more lessons.

The first note he found had nearly moved him to tears. “We’ve got each other and that’s a lot.” Just a single sticky note on his nightstand with song lyrics, yet it meant far more. She’d accepted they were in this together, and remembered their brief discussion of music.

The months passed and he found more and more notes, each one he carefully collected into a folder in a drawer on his desk, not wanting to let even one go. And he found himself starting to leave her notes once again, it became one of his favorite activities.

How she’d smile at him when she found one made his heart beat rapidly in his chest, and he found himself hoping. He wasn’t going to push it, he didn’t want to push her away. But hope that maybe one day…

The loud creek of the front door tears him from his thoughts, and he focuses all his attention on the sound of it closing and familiar footsteps taking the stairs up.

She passed through the room quietly, seemingly unaware of his presence as she walks toward her bedroom.

Exhaling deeply as she passes into the next room, he feels his body finally relax. She came back.

Stepping back into her bedroom, Y/N pulls the purple glowing pendent from her neck to place it on the desk next to her journal.

The walk really had helped. The air wasn’t exactly as ‘fresh’ as she was used to from walks back in her own universe, and the ever dying landscape wasn’t the most welcoming scene. But just being outside and walking nowhere without any aim, lost in her thoughts had helped her sort through her feelings a bit more.

Maybe she was ready to give that letter another go… she should let him know she’s home, but maybe that would be a good time to give him the letter?

Running her hand over the cover of her journal, she freezes as she notices a piece of paper sticking out from it. Hadn’t she gotten rid of all the loose pages?

Flipping it open, her heart nearly stops as she’s faced with the now flattened version of her last letter that should very much have been ash by now. Grasping the paper in her hand, dread fills her. Had he read it? That was possibly the worst version she’d written. Shit. Did he know?”

Looking back down at her journal, she sees words written in a messy script, “I love you too. Perhaps meet me back in the family room to discuss this further?”

The family room? She’d just been in the… well shit. He read her letter and she walked right past him when she came back.

Putting the paper down with shaky hands, she turns toward her open bedroom door and takes a deep breath.

She heads back to the family room as her every muscle seems to clench in anticipation. Reaching the room she notices the muted tv screen playing some movie, something she’d missed before. Along with the sorcerer relaxing on the couch in front of it, his head turning to her with a soft smile, “Enjoy your walk?”

“I- y-yeah,” she stutters, tentatively crossing the room to get closer to him. “Helped me sort some things out.”

“What things would those be?” he asks as he gives her a knowing look and pats the couch beside him.

She goes around the couch to sit beside him, hands clenching one another as she tries to think of an answer. He knows. She knows he knows. He knows she knows he knows. But what the fuck does she say?

Finally biting the bullet, she unclenches her hands and slides one across the couch toward him, palm side up as she glances at him hopefully, “My feelings.”

He slides his own hand over to hers, fingertips brushing across her skin slowly before intertwining their fingers, “Have they changed since the words I read?”

“No,” she says softly, gently squeezing his hand as a tremor makes it shake against her. “Just made me more sure. Though I had hoped to be… to say it better. I know you read it so you know I’d written a crap ton of them. That was probably the worst, I was frustrated and nowhere near the way I wanted to sound.”

“It sounded like you, and that’s what I care about,” he responds, lifting their hands up to press a kiss to the back of her hand. “I would be lying if I didn’t admit I was surprised.”

“I thought I was sort of subtly hinting, but evidently not well.”

“I was just savoring the fact you no longer looked at me like you wanted me to drop dead,” he chuckles. “Beyond that I was just enjoying your company, hoping too much for more seemed foolish.”

Looking over at the sorcerer, she runs her thumb along his knuckles and tries to find the right words.

“You are your own person,” he responds to the silence hanging between them. “You are Y/N, you look like the Y/N I lost, and you have the same heart I fell for all those years ago. But you aren’t her.”

“Is… that a rejection?” She asks softly, swallowing the lump in her throat.

He raises a brow and smirks at her, “Never. I just want you to know I’ve separated the two of you in my mind. I’ve gotten to know you, and I’ve fallen for you. I’ve told you I love you many times, regrettably many were holding a dead woman over your head and making you be her. And for that I apologize. I can’t and won’t apologize for bringing you here, I’ve been happier than I’ve been in a very long time.”

“I’m sorry for being as hostile as I was at first. I mean you did kidnap me to another universe, I was livid. But I’ve realized I really hadn’t been happy since my Stephen died. And there were a lot of days I’d lay there in bed thinking I’d do anything to bring him back, anything to be that happy again. And I can’t blame you for having the same mindset after the same kind of hurt, and just having the ability to do something about it. If the roles were reversed, I can’t… I can’t say for certain I wouldn’t have gone down the same path. And I can’t hold against you something that the back of my mind ached for when in the same situation. So I understand,” she says as she looks back into his eyes and squeezes his hand.

His own eyes widen in surprise at her declaration, “I never would have thought that you’d…” His voice trails off and he looks down at their clasped hands and slides closer to her.

His free hand lifts to cup her cheek gently, guiding her face toward his own until their lips brush in a whisper of a kiss. “This is your chance to change your mind,” he says softly, his lips dragging along her own.

She reaches her own hand up to thread her fingers in his hair, a smile curling on her lips as she presses him in closer to her, “Never.”

A small growl comes from his chest, grazing her lower lip with his teeth before nipping it quickly and soothing the sting with his tongue.

“Stephen…” she groans against him, taking the moment to drop her hold on his hand and climb into his lap.

“Do you know how long I’ve ached for this?” He whispers lowly against her as he presses slow kisses from the edge of her mouth to her jaw, leaving what feels like a trail of fire in their wake on her already warm skin.

“Then… shut up and kiss me,” she groans against him and tugs slightly at his hair, pulling a deep laugh from him.

“So impatient,” he mumbles against her skin and works his way back up to her lips, pulling back just at the edge of her mouth. “If you want it, take it love.”

Narrowing her eyes at him, she pulls his head closer and brings his lips crashing into her own, moving urgently against them before pulling his bottom lip into her mouth and running her tongue along it.

He sighs happily into the gesture while running his nails down her back and shifting her hips in closer to his own.

Releasing her hold on his lip, she presses several soft kiss to them and presses her forehead to his.

“I love you, for eternity. While I’m living and even when I’m not,” he declares as his warm breath tickles her nose.

“I love you too Stephen,” she replies and shifts in his lap to lay her head against his shoulder. “And there’s no where else I’d rather be than here with you.”

“Likewise,” he wraps his arms around her body and nuzzles her hair. “And I’ll make sure you continue to feel that way.”

“And how do you intend to do that?”

“Darling I’ve had nothing but time to come up with all the things I’d do for and to you if you’d allow it,” he grins and whispers into her ear. “So as you said so elegantly, here we are, so buckle the fuck up.”

“I feel like that statement fits whatever you’re referring to far better than what I was referring to,” she chuckles and looks up into his eyes that shine a brighter blue from the glow of the fire in the nearby fireplace dancing in them.

“You’ve no idea,” he practically purrs as he leans her back in his arms to look down at her face. “Prepare to be worshipped my love, I’ve all the time in the universe to give you, and not a single thing I’d rather do.”

----

Stephen Taglist (Sinister Edition): @stephenstrangeaddictions @ironstrange1991 @gaitwae @geeky-politics-46 @elicheel @frostandflamesfanfic @tokoyamisstuff @singhfae @jotaros-bara-tiddies @kon-pan-16 @stanny-uwu @sparky22122 @typical-bistander @hunterofshadows04 @evelynrosestuff @asgardianprincess1050 @pop-rocks-and-skittles @namethathasnotbeentaken @peachywoong @valeriegreyy @floralover1 @cumberbitch @lightmeuplivly @lucimorningst4r @bluebear142077 @strangeobsessed @bymoonlightfics @strangeions @sherlux @qhbr2013 @lovingly-unlovingme @thelaststraw3 @vereon @veryladyqueen @ultrasilentwhispers @azu21 @clockblobber @ben-er-ino @guyfieriii @classickook @mochuchi @rbymoon

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#doctor strange #Stephen Strange #sinister strange #sinister strange x reader #sinister strange x you #Doctor Stephen Strange #stephen strange x reader #stephen strange x you #stephen strange imagine #doctor strange imagine #doctor strange x you #doctor strange x reader

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theechotrain · 19 days

Text

I wander around the large room, half heartedly looking at each different pile of vinyls, CDs and DVDs, not really paying attention to any of them; Even when I take a few moments to flick through the occasional heap, there is nothing that I'd be willing to pick up a second time. To this day, I never really understand why you'd want to waste a perfectly good CD to put some music on it. That IS what vinyls are for, after all.

Normally, I wouldn't be in an old music selling shop like this. After all, I have nothing back at home that I could play any of these things on even if I did want to buy something. That has more to do with the fact that I can always go looking up what I want to listen to, instead of having a physical copy of my music that has to be kept in cases when not being listened to so that it is kept safe. The only reason I am here at all is for my best friend.

My cbildhood best friend, Rory Culkin, is currently in a completely different area of the shop and is still staring down into a box in front of him; Exactly how he was a few minutes ago when I left him looking through the same section of vinyls that has some of his favourite artists stashed in between the albums of people neither of us have heard of.

Seeing Rory looking like he is spacing out while he is reading the back of the vinyl cover in his hands is something that I don't think will ever get old for me. He seems so at peace when he is in a place like this. Over the course of our friendship have we come to some sort of compromise when it comes to places we want to go to with each other when we hang out. Old shops filled with music from from the 70s to the 90s is one of the places he brings me. As much as I don't really like the places themselves, they become more bearable to be in when I get to see him like this.

He finishes reading the back of the vinyl before a smile spreads itself over his face and he turns his head to look through the surrounding towers of different types of music for me. Our eyes meet and for a second, everything stops. Through this brief connection, I once again have a brief mental flash of there being more between us. A future, maybe. More, perhaps.

The image, like always, goes just as quick as it comes as he makes his way over, the vinyl he had read still in his hands. He closes the distance between us and is standing before me, almost grinning with that gentle smile of his.

"I've found it. I've found that vinyl I was telling you about the other week. This is what I am going to have playing when I propose to Samantha."

In this moment, my stomach almost folds in on itself. Samantha isn't typically easy to forget but until he said that, I forgot she existed for a short while. But being reminded of her isn't what felt so suddenly stomach churning. He wants to propose to her... He wants to spend the rest of his life with her.

A smile forces its way onto my face, despite its unwelcome appearance as I force myself to look down at the vinyl he is showing me, which is of smooth jazz from '75.

"Well, you should go get it then so you don't end up having to find it a second time."

He smiles down at me, not seeming to pick up on how I have shifted in moods. I look away from him as he makes his way over to the counter with it, choosing to look out of the window instead.

I can't believe it... he's going to propose to her. After them being in a relationship for the last 4 years, he's actually going to ask her to go all the way and marry him. Something inside me stings deep at the thought of it. Could I stand being able to be around him, simply as just his best friend anymore if she says yes? I'm struggling to do it now, with them simply dating.

I don't think I could stand being in Rory's life anymore if I haven't started moving on as soon as possible. I don't want to loose him as my best friend but I can't continue to love him romantically like this, especially when he could be someone else's fiancé at some point in the near future.

An idea comes to mind and I pull my phone out to text someone I met in college.

'Hey, want to go drinking this Saturday?'

I wait for a reply as Rory makes his way back over to me, the vinyl in a plastic bag and we make our way out the door. It's an hour or so later before I get a response.

'As in as a small group or just us going on some sort of date?'

'It's a date'

'Then yeah, I'll see you Saturday'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday comes by and my friend and I are sat at the bar, both several drinks in and the conversation babbling on from one topic to the next. Any thoughts of Rory and what he has planned have completely slipped my mind. The empty glasses clutter our table, periodically being taken away by the occasional member of staff. I haven't been able to have a conversation where I've laughed like this for a few weeks now.

The sound of music coming from the already quite full dance floor draws our attention over to it and we exchange a glance between us, almost silently asking each other the same question. I roll my eyes ever so slightly, smirking a little before grabbing his hand and guiding him over to the group of dancers.

I wrap my arms around him, my head on his chest as he curls his own arms around me, pulling me close as we start swaying to the slow, romantic music playing in the background. Several minutes go by before the song finishes and we pull apart again, making our way back to our table and our conversation.

Before we are able to fully go back to speaking like how we were before we danced together, the sight of a familiar face can be seen approaching the pair of us out of the corner of my eye. I turn to fully make sure that I am seeing who I think it is and it is. My friend follows my line of sight as Rory is approaching the pair of us, his face stained with tears. He pulls up a chair next to me, speaking just to me instead of the pair of us.

"I proposed to Samantha... She admitted to cheating on me... We've split up and she's moving out of my house."

I look back at the expressions on my best friend's face as he says this, every part of me wanting to dry his tears. Instead, I put my hand on his shoulder and rub my hand over it.

"There there Rory..."

My friend looks between us as the moment we were having just moments before has broken.

**************

Sorry if this is a bit shit, haven't written anything in a while and didn't know what else to write

#rory culkin x reader #rory culkin

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sleepyowlwrites · 11 months

Text

seven snippets, seven people II

this time blasted from orbit by dear Timespace. @artdecosupernova-writing

it's been ages since I even thought about Anxiety Story, let alone looked at it, so here are seven snippets from it to remind myself and let you know that this wip exists. I'm not going to be working on it, but it's out there. just chilling.

from draft 1 - Aiden and Ree's first meeting:

He'd only taken two steps when a voice startled him out of his blank, repressed thoughts. Aiden looked up from his feet to see the owner of the voice, a girl around his own age, hair fluffing in the wind, a slightly concerned expression on her face.

"Hey," she said again, taking steps to close the gap when Aiden didn't move. "Aren't you cold?"

Aiden simply nodded.

The girl paused before breaking out into a warm smile. "It's December and there's snow. Why aren't you wearing a coat?"

Aiden opted for shrugging his way out actually answering.

The girl's smile quickly turned into a frown as she observed Aiden shiver for a moment. Then, to Aiden's complete consternation, she took off her own coat. When she moved forward to drape it around Aiden's shoulders, the latter backed away.

"You don't need to give me yours," Aiden said, surprising himself with the steadiness of his words.

from draft 1 - Aiden denies just having had a panic attack

"Aiden, was that a panic attack? Do you get panic attacks?"

Aiden gulped at his tea and forced himself to breathe deeply. Ree was nice. Ree was warm. Ree was caring. She was safe. She was safe, right? "It's…you're safe, right?" He found himself asking out loud.

Ree's face was unreadable. Aiden thought he saw surprise, disappointment and maybe even anger before a mask fell down over her eyes and she was quiet for a moment, a very long moment from Aiden's perspective.

"Yes," Ree said finally, in that same gentle tone she had used the entire time. "You're safe with me."

Aiden didn't know how he was so sure that Ree was telling the truth, but there was something in the way she sat, the way she stared straight into Aiden's eyes, the way she had been nothing but kind since he'd first met her, all those somethings seemed to say that he could trust Ree, and he desperately wanted to trust Ree. So he did.

"Yeah," he breathed out softly. "I-I get panic attacks sometimes. But that was just anxiety before."

from draft 1 - meet Theo! my beloved

The door opened to reveal a friendly-looking but totally confused guy with messy hair like he'd just woken up. "Uh, Ree?"

Ree walked inside without answering, heading straight for the living room to place Aiden gently onto the couch. The guy followed, one hand scratching his head as he continued to look bewildered. Aiden struggled to unzip his coat with cold-swollen fingers; not to mention that he was also rather on edge about meeting another stranger. Ree took over and deftly helped him get the snow-covered thing off.

"The couch is gonna get all wet," the messy-haired stranger said.

Blushing even with his rosy cheeks, Aiden wanted to hide, but Ree was already tugging his boots off and he settled for staring at the top of Ree's head.

"The couch doesn't matter," Ree replied, placing Aiden's boots to the side and pointing at them. "Put these by the heater, please."

Messy-hair did as he was told.

Aiden went to rub his hands together and hissed, forgetting for a moment about the scrapes on his left palm. Ree immediately reached for his hand and inspected it. "Your knee is worse. What about your hip, does it feel bruised?"

Nodding seemed to be the only thing he could make himself do, so that's what Aiden did. He noticed his knee bleeding for the first time.

"All right. Theo!” Ree called over her shoulder.

Messy-hair came back over. "Should I get him some sweatpants?"

"Yeah, and start the water for tea, would you?"

"Sure." Messy-hair - Theo, apparently - disappeared around the hall corner.

"Aiden," Ree murmured, pulling off Aiden's damp socks.

"Yeah?" Aiden finally croaked out a real word.

"Theo is perfectly harmless. You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to. Can you stand up? You can change in the bathroom and then I'll take care of your cuts. Okay?"

from draft 1 - THEO

“Hey, Aiden,” Theo said suddenly.

“Yeah?” He looked sideways at Theo.

“It’s Thursday.”

“Yes.”

“I’m leaving on Saturday.”

Aiden stopped walking when Theo did, blinking several times as he processed this information. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah.” Theo pulled them to sit down on a bench. The surface was cold under Aiden’s jeans, making him shiver. Theo grabbed his legs and pulled them up onto his lap, keeping his other arm around his shoulders. Aiden leaned against the other’s warmth and tried to keep hold of the happiness he was just feeling.

“I don’t live too far away, so I could come and visit on the weekends sometimes, but I’ve got a job and my parents will miss me. School will be starting on Monday, right? You know Ree would let you stay at her apartment if you wanted.”

“I couldn’t do that,” Aiden protested. “And it would be farther to walk to class.”

“On the weekends then, just stay with her on the weekends. Aiden?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve been happy, right? You’ve been happy with us?”

“Ye-yeah, I have.” Aiden burrowed his face deeper into Theo’s chest. “You’ve taken such good care of me. I’ve never been so happy.”

from draft 2 - nicknames

“Teddy,” Ree said as soon as the boys arrived in the kitchen. Aiden noticed how her hands were clasped under her chin and her eyes were hopeful.

“You’re not mad at me and I did take the garbage out last night, just like you asked me to. Can we stick to proper names, please?” Theo collapsed into a chair with his limbs sprawled out everywhere. He was always collapsing places, wherever he sat or lay down it was like he had suddenly lost all strength. Aiden knew that this was just for dramatics. He swallowed a smile. He knew that.

Ree turned away from the two of them and took up her knife again, prompting Aiden to look away. “What’s improper about Teddy?”

Theo fixed his eyes on Ree back with a baleful expression that Aiden got the feeling Ree would know about even facing the other way. “My name is Theo, dear cousin.”

“Don’t start-”

“It’s short for Theodore, a full proper name, making Theo my proper nickname. You can call me Teddy only during those few and occasional moments of heightened emotion such as when you are feeling especially grateful for my existence or when you’re trying to make an important point. You can’t call me an improper nickname and expect me to just agree to being the trashcan in from the road, or whatever else you wanted from me.” Theo raised his shoulders and head into a lofty position. “Of course, I don’t want you to call me by my full name, because it’s too long, and too proper to be comfortable just between friends.”

Ree’s whole body drooped. “Yes, alright, I’m sorry.”

“I refuse to called by a burdensome, properly grownup name when I am clearly not quite grownup, but at the very least you might refrain from addressing me by my childhood nickname in front of company.” Theo winked at Aiden. “And I gave the full explanation for Aiden’s benefit, not because I think you don’t already know this.”

Ree glanced at Theo over her shoulder with exasperation. “Will you bringing the trashcan in from the road, Theo?”

“I will later, Ree.”

from draft 2 - SADNESS

Aiden started to bite his lip as an automatic response to various stimuli, the common denominator being that they scared him. Between the social fears that kept him moving, the night terrors that kept him lifeless and the everyday anxiety that threatened to rip him apart at any given moment, Aiden found himself thankful for any second when it didn't hurt to breathe.

Breathing itself became a gift rather than a natural action. The simple intake and exhale of air was a precious feeling. Far too often it was accompanied by a heart screaming against his ribcage, begging to be let loose, trying to climb up his throat and abandon him altogether. Aiden got used to shaking hands and interminable headaches that somehow never hurt worse that the acknowledgment of all the fears that were causing his pain.

That omission by itself seemed to mock him, to sneer at his pathetic excuse for a life. Without his regularly scheduled classes and irregularly scheduled and much more frequent anxiety attacks, Aiden had absolutely nothing, so he found himself being grateful for both. In a sad degree of resignation, Aiden held onto both his meager respites and his worst enemies to keep him sane.

He had no idea how long he could last like this. Breathing couldn't possibly remain a chore forever and not end up sailing out of reach one day. He didn't want to think about the very real possibility that very soon, the last remnants of his tattered will to live might just give out on him. Aiden hated nothing more than the idea of death winning a second time. Every day, it got just a little bit more real. It scared him, just like everything scared him and he was always so, so tired.

Days blended together and homework was completed with a kind of feverish dedication. Tears dripped onto his pillow in the dark of early morning and stung his eyes in the late afternoon drag. Monotony was a blessing; breathing was a burden.

Aiden scribbled his fears into his notebooks and tore out the pages before they could torment him the next time he looked. There would be no salvation, he knew. There would only be despair. He curled under his blankets with arms wrapped around himself, feeling even more fragile in his exhaustion.

No promise could save him. There would only be pain. Aiden grasped onto the realness of it and fell asleep with blood still painting his lips.

from draft 2 - sorry to leave you on a downer but this wip is an overall not happy time hence why it's called "anxiety story"

Aiden answered his brother's phone call on New Year's Day and listened to him talk about what he'd been up to, where he was working next, how the guy who roomed next to him always gave him shifty glances in the morning for apparently no reason, when he thought he might be able to come visit Aiden at college, the girl who tried to set him up with every other girl in existence and nothing ever worked out. Adam just kept talking and Aiden just kept listening. When a moment of silence lingered, Aiden didn't try to talk. He had nothing to say and he knew Adam wouldn't ask. They weren't having a conversation. After one too many heartbeats in the quiet, Adam would start talking again, never bringing up old memories.

Aiden was grateful for that. There was only one thing either of them could say to the other that had any actual weight and Aiden didn't want it to be said. They both already knew it to be true. Leaving it out of the picture didn't make it hurt any less, but at least it didn't hurt any more than it had to.

It had been a year since "you can't leave me."

They'd both left. It had been a promise; now it was just a lie.

"I told him that I was planning to come see you around spring break and I think it's gonna work out but I can't prom- plan on anything." Background sounds filtered over the line. Aiden pushed an acknowledging hum out of his throat.

Another long silence played out like a discordant melody with Adam playing the uneven drums and Aiden's hands acting as a synth on his jeans. Eventually, with apparently no more news to tell him and as yet no verbal response from his brother, Adam sighed noisily into the receiver.

"I'll talk to you later, okay? I love you."

Aiden clenched his fists so hard he could feel his nails imprinting sad lyrics onto his palms. "Love you too," he managed, his voice hoarse from disuse and cracking when he tried to say "goodbye."

Adam didn't push anything else out of him and simply hung up.

"I miss you," Aiden whispered to the stale air of his dorm room, still afraid of the words but needing to make them real. He did miss his brother. He did love him. Just, after five months and five phone calls, Adam seemed to become more of a phantom every day. It would be just like Aiden to miss something that wasn't there, to fear the loss of something that wasn't real, to ache to hold the intangible.

You can't leave me.

It was the last in a series of shattered promises, and Aiden didn't want to think about it anymore.

well, thanks for making it to the end or at least skimming through! @zmwrites you know what I want @rains-inky-mind @ellatholmes @uraniumwriting @tananaphone @blind-the-winds OR ANYBODY

postscript: I started writing this wip in 2016, and started on the rewrite/draft 2 in late 2018, and worked on it sporadically throughout 2019. it's been a while and my writing style has changed. it's fascinating to see. anyway, sort of sorry for the depressing content.

#tag game #wip: anxiety story

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ppoppokari · 7 months

Text

🎃…overall ship…🎃

@horanghaejamjam

goddamn katt, the self control i needed to not immediately write this ship, i'm so shy around you which is why i barely dm you but you're also the reason i like to procrastinate. i could write ships for you all day and fail university. you are my priority always <3

and just when I think i can’t fall for you harder than i already have 😩 the hair 😩 but like for real i was so excited to see you request again!!! i missed you so much 😭 the emojis are speaking for themselves but man I’m on cloud nine rn.

one extra special ship coming up!

i went so over word limit for this but i couldn't stop writing this, i have an addiction to this ship and i have to say this ship is the best one i've done so far, and it's extra special because it's for you. normally these ships are just over 600 words 630 max but holy shit this ended up having a word count of 1041. i literally struggle to write 1000 words of an essay but i can simp over you and this member and write a whole ass novel.

and such a sidenote but i just realised why i am so whipped for you and now it's so obvious, but it wasn't until you dyed your hair that i saw it. you remind me of a cartoon i used to watch as a kid, i used to watch all the time when i was 7-9 it was called ruby gloom and the theme song still slaps and you are literally irl ruby (even if your hair isn't red)! you're making me cry so much at that realisation

~ateez~ seonghwa🎃

This was the quickest decision I have ever made in the history of my indecisiveness. There is something that feels so beautifully domestic whenever I picture you and Seonghwa together, it’s so vivid that I can see the exact smile he would have for you, describing it wouldn’t give him justice so here you go.

You possess this incredible gentle nature and you are also the most honest and proud person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. You transcend the need to hide so you wear your personality on your sleeve and it the most endearing thing in this world.

But I’m not the only person who thinks so, Seonghwa would be besides himself and it would really show in everything does. You bring forth this sense of docile innocence in him, even if you weren’t dating at the time Seonghwa would have the irresistible urge to open up to you and be his most vulnerable self.

Even though Seonghwa is very loving this would be a big deal to him, normally he feels that he has some control over the relationships that he has, both platonic and romantic, but in this case, he really wants to take the back seat and see what happens.

He adores your kindness and your willingness to even give him the time of day, even though he is the literal Park Seonghwa and he doesn’t owe you anything he still feels obliged to show you just how good a boyfriend he is.

I can’t say this enough you make him feel like a good memory, you bring him so much peace and he can’t imagine ever wanting to leave your side.

Before I return to the more drabbley section of my ship we need to address your absolutely stunning visuals! Each time I see you and your aesthetic I actually get so emotional.

You are so pretty in the most wholesome way and you are an absolute icon starting from your hair to your aesthetic outfits. You literally have forest pixie visuals and your eyes are just so hypnotic, it is only natural that I ship you with THE siren eyes visual Seonghwa.

Both of you are so dreamy and beautiful, but in a way that I haven’t seen before. You both exist outside of the standard beauty standard yet you also just outdo every beauty standard ever. I truly can’t express how fond I am of your visuals and combining that with Seonghwa you get a dream couple.

Now, the creativity that just about oozes from your fingertips will never not impress Seonghwa.

Following the soft domestic relationship dynamic Seonghwa truly loves how he can just stick close to your side and experience the most exciting sense of comfort.

Your internal black cat mom energy has rubbed off on Seonghwa and he really starts to assume the role of being the dad, aka, acting like a husband even if neither of you explicitly mention the idea of having a family.

But let’s be real he definitely wants to have a family with you whenever the opportunity arises.

You’ve actually plagued him with so much wholesome energy that it makes the other members gag, it’s so sickening to see how gentle he is with you. Seonghwa is actually shorter than you, so the most sickening act off affection you do is resting your head on top of his just to give him a soft little kiss.

Oh, and we thought Yunho was the one and only spiderboy but Seonghwa totally looks up at you with a blush coating his cheeks as he places a feather-light kiss on your lips.

I don’t know where else to put this but talking about kisses he totally has this fixation with your tattoos he will aimlessly trace them when he is sitting next to you and he will even kiss them. His favourite will definitely be the pawprints on your thigh.

He also has a habit of treating your dogs like his babies up until the moment that you have babies.

Another thing is that SEONGHWA IS PRACTICALLY MADE FOR BOOKSTORE OR BOBA DATES YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE.

He also tends to giggle, like actually giggle whenever you call him “love”, “darling”, or “hun” even if you give that nickname to everyone you know.

Seonghwa loves you, that much is clear by how much of a damn baby he is around you, and he absolutely swoons whenever you present him with gifts or notes of encouragement but please be warned...

He will present you with even more elaborate gifts, and sometimes they are normal cute relationshippy things but other times they have this Seonghwa flare like him designing a custom you-seonghwa-and-your-dogs-in-a-cute-house lego set that you could build together all while he tells you that you’re way prettier in person.

All in all, there is something special about you, the way you look at him is enough to summon all the butterflies. Even if he holds back on the pda he will always say just how much he loves you, he will smother you with those three words. But it’s all in good faith. So many things have happened in his life but meeting you and having the privilege of falling in love with you is the greatest thing to have ever experienced in his life.

Now, picture this, a bed full of plushies and in-between all of that is you and Seonghwa using your five blankets as a means of hiding away from the world. All the sounds around you are muffled and yes, it’s fall, the leaves have finally morphed into a flurry of browns and oranges.

Seonghwa’s slow breathing is irregular since he is humming some small song that has come straight from his heart. The lattes for two he made sit off to the side, widely neglected as you stare into each other’s eyes, he feels like he is living a dream, he wants you to pinch him so he could wake up and go about his days. But when you playfully poke his cheek, he finally realises that the sweetest thing in his life isn’t a dream, it isn’t a wish…

It’s true love.

#kpop matchups #kpop ships #overall ships #ateez #fall aesthetic #Halloween energy #cozy aesthetic

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agentmmayy · 1 year

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november & december rotation

combining these last two months of 2022 into one rotation post since i did not listen to that much new music but what i did, i found some really good songs to end the year with so here’s a post to start the new year off

golden child - paravi: whole bop!!!!!!!!! paravi’s voice is gorgeous. delivers the struggle of growing up “the golden child” so poignantly and without remorse. it’s absolutely delicious and cathartic

remember why you fell in love - natalie madigan: not to blorbo this but i will. chenford. ‘we were adding up sins in the city of angels’ ‘if i said i’m gonna die i’m gonna do it my way’ this song is their entire arc no i don’t take criticism

don’t say - gabrielle aplin: the kind of song to listen to when dancing in the rain or driving through the city looking up at the tall buildings and realizing how so very small and insignificant you are. emo song.

craigslist personals - WRENN: usually averse to titles like this but this song pleasantly surprised me. the chorus has been stuck in my head and rattling around in it for the past 2 months especially with the line ‘if you pretend i’m not around can you pretend to hear me out’ also the vocals are insane

don’t go - kate stephenson: ‘you think you could leave me when i need you most i guess i’m dancing with your ghost’ it’s about the continuous cycle of being let down and being ready for them to leave and to get out of the relationship or situation but not wanting to leave the security of it and then the song shifts with same line but instead ‘i guess i’m laughing at your ghost’ the growth!!!!! the journey!!!! the realization that you don’t need them!!!

nostalgic for the moment - kathryn gallagher: this song has a soft core early-mid 2000s rock aesthetic. favorite part in particular is ‘i like it when you touch me i like it when you call i picture how your clothes look on my living room floor’ something about the cadence and the vocals and just how vivid and honest it is. but also how sexy it is. ‘i pretend my hands are yours whenever i’m bored’ hello???????

rivers of my love - natalie madigan: tbh i wasn’t as impressed with this song as the previous one but as soon as i heard ‘i got restless in the bed that we made’ it put me thru the mf roof!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!! enraptured ever since. the song is a relentless cry of admission and it hurts so good

moonlight - madison rose: perhaps my favorite song on this entire rotation. the sing-a-long capability is unparalleled and yes i have sung along to it and danced in my chair and around my room. the perfect song to round out the previous ones

GHOSTS - PI3RCE: i think this is ranking right up there with ‘memory lane’ on the gut-punching scale because every lyric came for my ass. which. ‘all i know is you’re the only solid thing i’ll ever know’ + ‘all my older loves have crumbled in my memories just like stone now they’re just ghosts’ how am i supposed to live laugh love in this situation!!!!!!! i’m not sure if it’s the slow almost syrupy music or the gentle hushed vocals but the yearning and the grief and the love is so palpable i tear up every time listening. the part about this song that blew my mind the most is that the singer is also a ghost. that’s why the song feels so ephemeral. and i will blorbo this. derek hale. and i’m a sucker for a cello.

putting this here at the end because the transition from don’t go to nostalgic for the moment was too perfect but this is such a contradiction regarding the use of ghosts compared to don’t go. a ghost being someone you’re glad to let go of where it’s bittersweet vs a ghost you can’t let go of and follow them onto the same plane of existence and even then you’re still looking for them is so insane to me. don’t go has the journey and the growth past that state of being meanwhile GHOSTS is stuck just like, well, a ghost

i won’t need to dream - jude york: everything about this song is dreamy (obviously) it reminds me a lot of similar songs, at least lyrically and in the first few lines, from disney films. it’s so hopeful and not exactly an adult version of those songs but one that makes our dreams seem more reachable. also i think my soul ascended hearing 1:04-1:16 for the first time

#tbh the songs i listened to most in december were 'memory lane' and 'running up that hill' but i've talked about those enough already #so have these instead #oh and 'casual'#any song: *mentions ghosts or has it in the title*#me and 152glasslippers immediately: DEREK HALE #the vibes recently have been 'songs that reminisce a relationship but in a positive and not salty way'#confused but here for it #monthly music rotation #monthly music roundup

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honeymoononvenus · 2 years

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DUALITY OF WOMEN

My rumination of the week has come in the form of the fact that most women in one way or another have total ambivalence surrounding who they're supposed to be, what they're supposed to be, where their lives are headed, et cetera et cetera...

I mean, since the dawn of time itself women have been expected to exist as a multitude of things at once, able to chameleon themselves into whichever situation they happen to find themselves in. We are a constant metamorphosis, taking on the different traits and roles expected of us within society. One day the mother, the next the daughter. We are the dotting girlfriend, the elusive mistress, the spiteful bitch, the housewife, the ceo, the cook, the cleaner, the foundation the whole fucking thing was built on.

We are the virgin and the whore all at the same time.

So really, is it any wonder at all, why it's so hard for us to find a single sense of self in all of this societal mess?

And don't get me wrong. This isn't a hit to the patriarchy, far from it. In fact, I believe a woman's duality is a superpower if used the right way. We are multitaskers by nature, with healing and nurturing well wired into our DNA. A woman standing in her true feminine energy is an unstoppable force, but a dichotomy nonetheless.

Let me explain what I’m talking about here; I am only 24 and really, my journey through womanhood has only just begun. While I truly love exploring and making friends with my own feminine power, I can not help but struggle to choose the woman I wish to show up as within society.

Some days all I want is to play ‘the good wife’, besotted with monogamy, tangled up under a knit blanket with some wonderful gentleman and a big bowl of soup watching reruns of Gilmore Girls. I would bake delicacies while my sweet husband tended to the garden in our yard. He would be a poet, or an artist, or jobless for all I cared; it wouldn't matter as long as he felt like home. I steer my life in the direction of this, thinking it must be the thing to feed my soul.

Then night time comes around and a different beast is awoken.

The sweet daydream of romance is quickly burnt up by the fire in my belly that is hungry for something bigger than that. I become hedonistic. I fantasize about all the riches this world could offer a femme fatale like me. Men become nothing but a simple means to fulfill my grandiose desires. I want my OWN success. Money, power, glory baby!

SHE makes me feel impregnable, well and truly fucking bulletproof.

But… the sweet gentle woman inside of me makes it feel as if my soul is taking its very first deep breath. And truthfully, I don't want to give up either of these feelings, and so goes my dilemma, which woman is the one closest to my soul?

And furthermore, which one do I choose to show up as? They both call for a lead of such different lives, truly they are like day and night.

But just like day and night, I’ve realised that it IS possible for one to exist with the promise of the other.

Instead of picking one, I must learn to make peace with the existence of the both inside of me, pulling lessons from each at the times that I need them.

I must honour the pair simultaneously. I breathe life into the first woman when I am drawn toward a need to be soft; at the times I feel myself falling in love with the world. She is there with me when I pause to admire a single bee passing through a field of wildflowers, and teaches me the ways I can be patient and present and kind. She exists in the way I wear my heart on my sleeve, in the way I’m not afraid to cry, even in the moments when I find myself staring into the eyes of a lover. I can feel her there, holding my hand, guiding me through with grace and humility.

I then call upon the second at the times I need to be bold. When courage and self assurance are the name of the game. She’s the one who convinces me to take risks, to step out of my comfort zone, and reminds me that I am totally whole without the presence of a man in my life. She makes me hungry for decadent things; and will not stop until I am living out my true potential. She is there during lavish dinners that someone else is paying for. She is the red lipstick on my morning coffee cup, and the bounce in my step as I strut down the street, oozing with a new found confidence.

I love these Women equally, for I need them both in my life. The reality is, women ARE creatures of duality. And we must honour the different personalities that exist inside of us at any time we need them. We really can have it all, we just must first learn to make friends with our own femininity outside of the expectation of being feminine itself. We are fucking godesses amongst men. It's time we rose up to meet them.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6CaVKXhuU76MqWJkhanTDT?si=d7cb63e583124088

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aijee · 2 years

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Life update 9/10

CW: COVID/illness, mental health

Hi, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

First of all, welcome to all you lovely new followers. Full disclosure (and gentle reminder for anyone else following), I’ve sort of fallen off the writing mood for a while, so if you’re here for Seventeen, Meanie or fanfic content, it will be pretty rare, if that wasn’t evident already. But if you’re here to keep up with my life once in a while, I appreciate your time and attention. :)

Second, I still strongly believe that we’re in a pandemic. I’m still appalled at the lack of empathy, respect and protection towards immunocompromised, disabled, chronically ill, socioeconomically disadvantaged, marginalized people in a country (America for me) that would rather us go back to work and make money than ensure everyone is safe and can comfortably return to their daily lives without feeling like their life is actively threatened. I’ve felt a lot of disillusionment towards my workplace, country (of which I am now a citizen, ironically) and life goals lately, which has been difficult after so many years of aspiring to learn, live and work here.

Part of that disillusionment is having gotten COVID recently. Like many Asians, I grew up in a multigenerational household, and that habit of thinking about how my actions affect my elders is ingrained. I couldn’t bear to leave my apartment, but my workplace and institution insisted that I return to work after a really short isolation period—in my mind, prioritizing the work to be done over (1) my health and comfort, (2) how my coerced presence would affect others more vulnerable down the line. It was really hard going against my morals because I had to pay bills and eat. Still wearing masks and diligently sanitizing/washing hands until now, surrounded by people who don’t makes me feel like a fucking crazy person. Am I the only one who still cares? Am I the only one who still sees the COVID numbers? It’s honestly really jarring to feel so disconnected from the reality around you.

I was not in a good mental place, having COVID. Obviously being ill and in bed most of the time is not a good experience, but I also live alone. The pandemic has been and continues to be wrought with loneliness; I try my best to supplement that with video calls with friends and texting family. But to be ill and without close support where you live is downright scary and extremely melancholy. To be young and alone in a city full of people is so very sad.

For better and for worse, I finally got a doctor’s diagnosis for my mental health struggles and am starting on medication for the first time (which happened at the same time as getting COVID—imagine how that experience was, oof). It’s both scary and relieving to hear what I imagined was what I was dealing with for a while.

This, alongside COVID, has been making me extremely tired almost all days. I use up all my energy to survive at work, keep up a face and do my job well. I use up all my energy talking to friends, being genuinely happy to see them and chatting the night away. But outside of that, I’m left with scraps to do things for myself beyond the bare minimum of eating, sleeping and cleaning. I’m trying not to judge myself for it. As my therapist keeps saying: “It just is, and that’s okay. You’re okay.” Many are in similar positions, just doing their best to get by day-to-day. But it doesn’t make me less of a person or less worth of existing.

Funny thing is that I fell of off Seventeen and GoSe, which I used to watch religiously back in the day, some time in the pandemic when things got rough and K-Pop just wasn’t the healthy comfort place it used to be. Since getting COVID, I spent so much of my sick days watching these silly boys doing silly things. It was a joy to reconnect with the joy they gave before and give me again. I didn’t intend to write about these difficult experiences of mine, but it felt appropriately full-circle to mention on this blog that SVT has been an indispensable, wonderful comfort for me lately. I missed them so much. I’m grateful for what they do because I don’t think I could’ve gotten through the last several weeks without them.

Maybe by writing this, it’ll help me remember: I’m doing my best. And that’s okay. I’m okay.

#aijeepost #a part of me dearly misses writing #that part of me revisits AO3 #rereads old writing #cringes a little #but still smiles at how much I still love what's there #that part me me rereads comments and misses those interactions so much #misses being able to write silly and angsty stories to help people escape #even for a moment #you did well past me #current me is doing their best #current me is glad you existed and did what you did back then #I wouldn't have these joys to revisit #if it wasn't for you

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theartofjournalling · 2 months

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My friend wrote this about me

First of all you’re like the only person I’m closer who’s basically on his way to become a known influencer haha, how cool is that. An actual influencer, doing what he loves and influencing and moving people and masses

When we first met I remember thinking that this guy seems so mysterious and cool and I really wanted to get to know him just in general. And I loved that you had a musical side to you and you told us you played piano (From one muso to another I was impressed, now that you know that I too like to play music lol). I wanted to see it unfold and you INFLUENCED me into getting back into music. Like imagine otherwise all my potential would’ve been wasted. So like you literally did that by showing people how to feel and love through music. How cool is that ahahah

At your best you’ve literally got the most gentle and sweetest soul. It’s such a beautiful thing really i just wanna protect it at all costs cos it’s so precious. The sensitive side of reminds me so much of an innocent child but in the best way possible as they do say children are the purest because they aren’t tainted by the pressures and realities of life.

I know you know this but you’re obvious a handsome man too. Bro is literally majestic standing at 6’1”, like goddamn imagine having that physique while being that tall.

You’re also so clever and smart and I’m absolutely in awe by how creative you can be. The world is definitely unfair because why do people who a smart attractive sensitive talented exist in the one body like leave some of those traits for the rest of us yeah? You absorb everything that you study so well and it’s so nice to see how much your face lights when you build on epiphany and create the next best thing.

I sincerely hope you find peace in every single battle that you’re facing rn and you have me to confide anything in. Just remember you are not alone and that not only I too am struggle, but I’m also willing to help however way possible. You’re genuinely so beautifull inside and out and it makes me so warm to realise that I can now hype you up and support you and love you without any desire to be with you or attracted. We both were worried that it wouldn’t be like that once the feeling fade away but hey I’m still here and look at us now.

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carriageofaerietails · 5 months

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@i-wish-to-rule-this-world||I'm not like the rest. I won't leave you.

The weight of the gentle hand resting on his shoulder bore down on him like a burdensome chain, anchoring itself deep within the recesses of his soul. Reluctant to meet her gaze, he kept his eyes averted, afraid that a glance in her direction might unveil the lurking monstrosity concealed behind the veil of his own existence.

"Considering everything I've done..." Loki's voice wavered, caught between the uncertainty of a question and the weight of a statement. "...the horrors I've unleashed upon you?"

This time, he summoned the courage to turn, presenting his back to the hollow expanse of the room. His eyes, however, betrayed a hesitancy, cautiously searching for any deceit lingering in the depths of hers. To his surprise, he found none. Despite his fear, Loki couldn't deny that the isolation he felt was a just consequence. Every action he'd taken had been self-serving, yet here sat Mireya, his tormented captive, offering solace.

An extended silence stretched between them, the unspoken words hanging heavy in the air. Loki's once-silver tongue now felt like lead, burdened by the weight of his own transgressions. As the deafening quiet threatened to suffocate them, he finally broke it with a voice that, though clean-cut, carried the strain of internal turmoil.

"Mireya... I..." His struggle to articulate his emotions was palpable. "I wish I were different."

----

Mireya peered up at Loki as he spoke to her, his voice clear as a bell and yet different to what she was used to. He sounded uncertain, like everything was finally catching up to him. Needless to say, it was a long time coming. He'd been abandoned where she met him, so long ago now, for a reason, and he'd continued that wickedness with her. It was only recently that things began to change and that she had been open to forgiving him.

No, more than that. To supporting him. Not on some crusade for serfdom, but for him to live well. To know what it felt like to be cared about.

Besides, she thought. She might not have ever told him, and he had certainly never asked... But she knew what it was like to be lonely and unloved, too.

"I know, Loki. And you are different, already. Look at you. At us. You would have never said anything like this before, maybe not even thought about it." Mireya reminded him, "So you've already made a start. So if you want to change more then you know it's possible now. You can do that. I bet you could do anything that you want, if you really tried."

She offered him a comforting smile, the hand that had rested on his shoulder now carefully reaching out to one of his hands. Mireya gently squeezed one, but then released it, just incase the extended touch upset him.

"What do you want to be different about you? Where should we start?"

#iwishtorulethisworld #ask #answered

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httpiastri · 8 months

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dating oscar would include... ᰔᩚ

!! this contains 18+ mentions, they're few and subtle but minors dni !!

sleepy mornings

i think that mornings with oscar would be one of the best parts of your day every day, no matter if you're a morning or night person. when you get pulled slowly from your slumber to find yourself resting on his chest, your heart flutters at the sight in front of you. oscar's soft, tired eyes blinking down at you; his hair tousled from a good night's sleep; the sweet smile adorning his features. he pulls you closer, his arm around your waist squeezing you tightly, his lips meeting the top of your head to tell you "good morning".

his fingers draw hearts onto your skin as you exchange whispers about your dreamworld visits. it's easy to fall even more for oscar in these peaceful moments, where the outside world is nothing but a distant hum. here and now, it's just the two of you, wrapped in a cocoon of cool sheets and warm love. nothing else matters when you’re in his arms.

crying together

life isn't always a fairy tale, even when you're in a relationship with such a wonderful man, and there are times when the tears are inevitable. oscar understands this, and when the world gets too rough, he's your anchor.

although oscar often is reserved with his emotions, he wears his heart on his sleeve when it comes to you. he might bottle up his own feelings, acting like he doesn't care about crashing or losing out on podiums and points. but you see through his facade – just like he can see right through yours, too.

one of the times that when he isn't able to hide his feelings is when you are sad. when you cry in his arms, he has one of two modes; either, he does his best to comfort you, stay calm and strong for you so you can have a shoulder to sob on through your hard times; or, he cries with you. he won't bawl his eyes out, but the sympathy and empathy would easily get overwhelming, making him shed a few tears when seeing you cry. it goes both ways – in the few times he does let his guard down and cries in front of you, you can't help but to join in, either.

in those moments, you both find strength in your vulnerability. you find solace in knowing that you're not alone in your struggles, that even when you have lost everything, you still have each other. you emerge from your shared tears as stronger people, more connected than ever – because it's not just the joyful moments that define your love, but also the ones where you lean on each other through hard times.

going on adventures before the race weekend

some drivers like to arrive to the track on media day, savoring every last second of freedom before racing starts again. however, oscar prefers to arrive early to get adjusted to the climate, culture, time zone and such. being several days early can get boring at times, so you always make sure to keep the two of you busy.

whenever he is free of obligations, you jump at the chance to have an adventure. where other people see time for rest and chilling in bed, you see opportunities for fun times far away from the paddock and the stress.

in melbourne, he drove you around his hometown, showing you all of the places he used to go when he was younger and telling you childhood stories. in miami, the two of you found a beautiful, private beach during the daytime, and then came back for some skinny dipping at night. and before the zandvoort weekend, the two of you embarked on a quest to find the best stroopwafel in the province.

it's these moments that keep him grounded and relaxed on race weeks; they're reminders of the life that exists outside of the race track and the sim, and they make each race weekend more meaningful. he knows that when he crosses the finish line, you'll be waiting with open arms to bring him back to the other world.

being gentle

even as you stumble through your dark living room after a night out, lips locked and hands roaming the other's bodies, oscar is gentle. even when you're both lost in a passionate kiss, he makes sure to protect you from the sharp corners of tables in the room, holding you close so you don't trip over the random discarded clothes of your bedroom floor. he takes no unnecessary risks, even when you're both needy and rushed.

even as you're in the middle of a fight, with emotions everywhere and cursewords slipping out of your mouths every once in a while, oscar is gentle. he would never ever think of laying a finger on you, not even in the most heated of moments. he would try his best to keep his voice calm, not wanting to scare or hurt you more than the fight already is. and even if you went to bed without having resolved the fight, he would make sure to give your forehead a kiss goodnight and hold you until you both fell asleep if you allowed him.

even with your hands tied up above your head, with his body hovering over you and his teeth nibbling your neck, oscar is so gentle. he's always careful and he treats you like you're as fragile as glass, never wanting to hurt you. his touch is gentle; his hands squeezing your sides are never too rough, his thrusts are deep but never painful, and his voice rough but speaking such sweet words.

oscar's gentleness is a constant in your relationship. he knows the power of a soft touch, a tender word, and his gentle heart. oscar is a reminder that love doesn't need to be loud to be powerful.

him making you feel so loved

it's easy to feel insecure in the world we live in. edited photos that pose as reality, perfect models acting like they're not giving up all meals to fit into their dresses, skincare ads that make it seem like your skin is supposed to be completely free of spots every single day – living in 2023 is hard. but, it's easier when you have such a loving and attentive boyfriend as oscar.

when he sees you turning and staring at yourself in the mirror for a bit too long, he strolls up to your side, letting his arms drape around you and embracing you from behind. he presses quick kisses to your cheek, whispering sweet nothings and reminding you of how pretty you are. when he turns you around, takes your hands in his and gazes into your eyes, it's hard to stop your heart from swelling at the completely lovestruck expression on his face. in his mind, you're perfect the way you are, and he doesn't mind reminding you.

being with oscar means feeling cherished, adored, loved, because he will always do his best to let you know how much you mean to him. it translates into him leaving traces of kisses along your body, his lips meeting all of your insecurities and letting you know how they're perfectly normal and perfectly gorgeous. it's keeping you by his side at all times when you're out at events or functions, not allowing you to forget for even a moment how much he loves you. and it's constant affirmations, never going a day without confirming to you that you're still the most beautiful person he knows of.

ollie bearman version ll paul aron version ll f1 masterlist

author's note: really bad writer's block recently, i apologize. hope everyone has a lovely day. <3

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