#granted i think most of us want to go into practice not research | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

verysium · 6 months

Note

need more of your sae for scientific reasons. very important

here you go lovely:

sae has zero taste in fashion unfortunately. if it covers his body and does not get in the way of football, then it works for him. that's also the reason why he accepts christmas sweaters with the most atrocious color combinations. he genuinely doesn't know that they're ugly (and also doesn't want to upset his mother and elderly aunties.) still has a pair of bright turquoise swim trunks from when he was a preteen with "i ♡ seagulls" printed all over them. he never threw them out and still wears them on summer trips. did not understand why half the beachgoers were side-eyeing him.

sae cannot comprehend internet slang. if you send him any acronym, he will read it out loud in the literal sense. would flick you on the forehead if you said he was becoming too millennial. he was born in the 2000s but cannot relate to anyone in the same generation.

sae would adopt a cat, but it would be a reverse adoption. the cat would choose him and not the other way around. he would not bother with it other than the required feeding and grooming. tried to play with it once, but it hissed and scratched at him. both of them just exist simultaneously in the same residence. sometimes the kitty jumps on his bed at midnight in order to cuddle. he would also name it something like "neko" or "el gato" or literally "the cat" because he is so unoriginal.

sae gives himself the whole patrick bateman monologue every morning when he does his skincare routine. he peels his face mask off in slow motion too. when you pointed out the similarities, he got mildly upset because he does not like being compared to anyone.

sae secretly hates the fact that rin is taller than him. he thinks about it a lot when he sees the family photos. sometimes wishes he grew just a little more during puberty. that way he would be taller than 180 cm.

sae cannot sing for the life of him. but if you are sick or having nightmares, he will hum you the lullaby his mother used to sing for him. gets shy when you compliment his voice, but his emotions do not manifest physically on his facial features. sometimes when he thinks you're finally asleep in his lap, he will brush your hair back and kiss your forehead.

sae sometimes feels a stirring in his chest whenever he spots a child in the park or an old couple on the benches near the boardwalk. he left for spain at a young age, so he inevitably gets the feeling that his childhood was stolen from him. if he ever matured to the point where he could see beyond his own ambitions, he would want to start a family.

sae loves it when he comes home from practice and sees you dancing around in the kitchen. he will watch silently as you prance around with a spatula and belt out the lyrics. sometimes he just wants to capture the moment and tuck it into his breast pocket and treasure it forever.

sae feels touched when you actually listen to what he says. because he is a man of few words, he usually has to be the one who listens, digests information, and offers sound advice. however, if you grant him the time of day to hear him out or gift him something that he once mentioned off-hand, he will feel strange tingles of the emotion he tries so desperately to deny.

sae is a skeptic. no scam, ploy, or false pretense will ever make it past him. he despises people-pleasers and does not understand why he has to conform to other people's standards. will not trust news outlets unless he personally was there as an eyewitness account or there is sufficient research backing up the claims.

sae is rather extreme when it comes to getting hurt. it is all or nothing with him. if he feels like you somehow penetrated through his walls and hurt him even in the slightest way, he will make the situation worse by hurting you back tenfold. usually he tries to justify pushing you away, and that just ends up driving him even further from you. tbh he really needs to work on his communication skills. rather than shutting down after an issue arises, he has to learn to put his own opinions aside and hear out the other party.

sae gets bored easily, but he is hesitant to try out new things in fear of not being immediately good at them. as the eldest child of his family and a hailed prodigy in his nation, there is the expectation that he must naturally excel at everything to set a good example. football is where he first found his talent and where he feels the most comfortable even if it isn't as inspiring and exciting as it once was. unfortunately, it leads to the onset of burnt-out-gifted-kid syndrome. that's also why he is seeking out a strong striker who can meet his demands and generate the impossible plays he is looking for. essentially sae needs someone to rekindle his original love for the sport.

sae gets defensive when he lets other people down, except this isn't immediately apparent. usually you would have to read between the lines with him. he bases his self-worth off both his own ambitions and the people close to him. if he disappoints someone important to him, he will be stuck in this sinkhole of internal turmoil. that's also why he lashes out at rin when rin reminds him of their shared dream he gave up on. he doesn't like his mistakes being pointed out, much less when his stoic image crumbles. he might also push you away and try to convince himself that you aren't worth that much to him in order to lessen his guilt.

sae needs someone highly intuitive and patient in his life. you need to be able to understand his emotions intrinsically because even he cannot grasp his own feelings. you also need to teach him how to connect himself with the outside world. because sae has primarily fended for himself ever since he was born, you have to convince him that it is okay to rely on others. his mentality is that if he reaches the top, no one will be able to touch him, much less hurt him. however, he sometimes fails to see how that simultaneously isolates himself from others.

sae is relatively straightforward when it comes to getting what he wants. if he somehow miraculously realizes and comes to terms with the fact that he loves you, he will confess it directly to your face. "date me or don't." it's not even a question. it's a factual statement.

sae is not as emotionally mature as the rest of the fandom makes him out to be. just because he does not show emotions in a traditional sense doesn't mean he necessarily has better control or understanding over them. for example, he gets jealous but would not know that the emotion he is feeling is actually called jealousy. rather than tease him about it, i think he would sincerely appreciate if you reassured him both verbally and physically through your actions. he is a man who relies on substance, so you need to prove that you'll be the one who stays with him through thick and thin.

sae oscillates between caring too little about others and caring too much. on one hand, he is more than willing to drop someone or something if his end goal has already been met. the ends always justify the means in his mind. however, he also feels doubt and uncertainty at times. like rin said, he hates losing. he objects to the blue lock program at first largely because he doesn't like the idea of a newcomer. he's already written off japan as a substandard country for football, so the idea of it being changed essentially challenges him directly. but again, this is a delicate line of balance. he is alright when it comes to being challenged mentally in football and seeking out a creative out-of-box solution. for instance, he is more than willing to accept rin's progress, shidou's unpredictability, and isagi's breakthrough talent. however, he is not okay with having his preconceptions destroyed as evidenced by his disillusionment in spain.

sae and ego would actually get along pretty well because they both have this one-track mind when it comes to football. players are reduced to numbers and metrics, and everything is evaluated as an advantage or disadvantage. ego is also ruthless when it comes to the elimination of the weak, and sae wouldn't disagree with that.

sae sometimes wakes up on the weekends and sees you in his bed, the sunlight raining down on your face. it is in this sort of domesticity that he wonders what life would be like if he wasn't a football prodigy. he craves normality not in the sense that he wants to be like everyone else but rather the idea that he needs to feel some sort of attachment or sense of belonging between you two. he could care less about the rest of the world but so long as you accept him, he would feel validated.

sae gives you free reign over his heart when he finally gives out and you're still there to pick him up. in his mind, he is worth nothing if he fails. if you're still there to reassure him and put him back together, he will first look at you like you're stupid for even wanting to stay with him. but once he realizes you stay only because you love him, you have his unconditional commitment. he would put a ring on your finger right then and there.

lmao that was long but that concludes my psychoanalysis on sae. hope that cures your insatiable need.

#blue lock #bllk #blue lock headcanons #sae itoshi #sae itoshi x reader #asks #bllk fluff #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader

279 notes · View notes

marezablr · 3 months

Text

when it comes to explaining gohan's weird quirks in relation to trauma (disclaimer), i think we are sleeping on the most obvious thing to accuse of being a trauma response: becoming an academic.

and i don't mean doing it because trauma made him hate fighting, or like bugs, or even anything about being a Good Son for his mother. i see these readings and i understand them, but i think we're looking at this the wrong way around.

i think we have to ask ourselves: what does becoming an academic mean?

here are just a few things that may have happened to gohan as an academic

comprehensive examination: he is left practically on his own to completely master a field of study in a span of roughly six months to a year. at the end of this period, he is put through an excruciating test of his abilities, with the stakes being that the world ends if he fails (he can't advance in his degree)

thesis writing: he is made to pour blood, sweat, and tears into his work. his supervisor tears the results to pieces and calls this mauling 'feedback.' he thanks his supervisor for this learning experience and rewrites until at last his supervisor begrudgingly admit that his efforts might be passable.

thesis defense: he stands before a group of people who are more experienced and powerful than him. they spend roughly three hours attacking him relentlessly. he has to endure it without flinching, or else the world ends (he doesn't get his degree)

publish or perish: he can never relax or take a break. he has to do research to get grant money. he has to get grant money to do research. he has to publish papers. is the Journal Impact Factor high enough? he has to keep going. he can't relax. if he slacks off, it's all over (he won't be able to get/keep an academic position)

tenure: one day, it'll be over. one day, he can slow down and relax. one day, it won't be life-or-death all the time. right?

goodyear-brown (2009) discusses a phenomenon where children removed from traumatic situations then develop anxiety because they're waiting for the other shoe to drop. they attempt to replicate the cycle of trauma->relief->trauma that they're used to and will drop the other shoe themselves if they can't get it.

so maybe gohan isn't an academic because he wants a peaceful life. maybe he's an academic because it's the best place to get that familiar, toxic combination of prolonged stress, extremely harsh mentorship, and sudden high-stakes trials he's comfortable with from growing up on the battlefield, but this time with no one's life actually on the line.

also because bugs are neat!

#son gohan #dragon ball #what i'm saying is academia is Bad and gohan entering it because he has problems(tm) makes him like every academic i've ever known #it's just too comically easy to draw parallels #academics please feel free to add further examples i just didn't want to make the post long

90 notes · View notes

bealovesmarauders · 1 year

Note

hi!! girl i love your writing <33 could i get a james potter x anxious reader headcanons pls? or like him dating someone who can burn out quickly <33

james potter dating someone with anxiety

⋆ ࣪. ⁺⑅ ⋰˚ *.ﾟ .˳⁺⁎˚ ˚⁎⁺˳ . ༺ ˖

james potter x reader (headcanons) gn!reader

wc: 600

a/n: eva rose!! thank you for requesting <3 this is more or less based on my personal experience with anxiety so please keep in mind that everyone's journeys are different♡

⋆ ࣪. ⁺⑅ ⋰˚ *.ﾟ .˳⁺⁎˚ ˚⁎⁺˳ . ༺ ˖

james is pretty extroverted, and so he's really social most of the time, and he's also not a super anxious guy. so when you first told him, you were really worried he wouldn't 'get it', or understand really

but he's so so empathetic, literally the sweetest boy ever

i think james gets painted out to be kind of clueless most of the time, but with his s/o he's definitely very attuned to your body language, mannerisms, the way you talk, etc. so he can tell really easily if something's up

so consequently if you have anxious tendencies, like bouncing your leg, or fidgeting, or even panic attacks, he's right there to comfort you, even if he's not sure what's up

(side note re: bouncing your leg- he'd definitely put his palm on your kneecap and stroke it with his thumb, trying to help your body calm down)

(other side note re: fidgeting- he'd also let you play with so many of his things- his keys, his dark curls, his fingers)

once you're comfortable enough to tell him about it though, or even if you're not, james does his research

granted it's mostly wikipedia on 'how to help someone with anxiety' but hey, at least he's trying

james quickly figures out how to handle it

he knows that in social situations, eye contact sometimes says more than words can, and you guys can have conversations conveyed in a single meaningful glance

like if he takes you to a party and you get burnt out, or if its stressful, or if you just want to go home, the only cue he needs is a single moment where he can fully take in your body language, your eyes, however you convey your anxiety

and he's constantly reassuring you about everything

james is also undoubtedly sought after- i mean come on, he could be with anyone he wanted

and so its easy to think that he deserves better sometimes, or that maybe he wishes he was with someone else

but james potter is many things, and a player is not one of them

on the other hand, being a loverboy is practically his entire personality

so eventually, when the thoughts overwhelm you and spill out, he's instantly putting your mind at rest, pouting a bit at the thought that you think he would rather be with someone else

"darling, you're not a burden, there's nowhere else i'd rather be"

and he engulfs you in a huge hug and rubs circles on your back, stroking your hair and whispering sweet nothings into your ear

maybe he doesn't always understand anxiety, but he will always quell your fears and reassure you no matter what

also, he'd definitely find different methods of calming you down

sometimes its just talking it out (communication is key, after all)

i think james would also ask remus for advice cause he'd be so worried about not wanting to make things worse or stress you out more and remus would happily oblige

james also learns some techniques from remus, like controlled breathing

"breathe, c'mon darling, in and out"

also the 5-4-3-2-1 method, or some variation of the sort: five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, one thing you can taste

and when you answer to that method, its usually to do with him- the smell of his shampoo, the texture of his tousled dark curls, the sound of his voice- his words are thick with emotion, his tone gentle

he finds that by using grounding techniques, it actually also helps him focus in other situations, which he's really grateful for

long story short: james potter is the best boyfriend ever<3

254 notes · View notes

lu-is-not-ok · 9 months

Note

don't know if you have yet, but could you talk about Ya Śūnyatā Tad Rūpam?

Now, before I get into it, I'd like to make myself clear: my knowledge on Buddhism is extremely limited, so it's very likely that I'll miss some context around this E.G.O and Abnormality. I will try to research certain terms and ideas if they come up, but I am by no means an authority on these matters. Anyone more knowledgable on this subject is more than welcome to add onto this post in case I miss something.

With all that out of the way, let's dive under the cut for this shit.

Let's start with the Abnormality itself, My Form Empties. Now, it is immediately obvious that this Abno is heavily based in Buddhism, with the Abno itself taking on the form of a statue of Buddha that reveals a flesh-like interior when broken. Keep the idea of the stone exterior hiding the fleshy interior in mind.

In battle, My Form Empties makes use of two different Sin Affinities. Whenever it inflicts buffs and debuffs, it uses Lust Skills. On the other hand, whenever it inflicts Karma, it uses Wrath Skills.

The Skills that MFE uses to inflict Karma on both its enemies and allies are called Sluggard Waker and Compulsory Offering, both of which paint a very introduction to what this Abno wants. It giving Karma to others is seen as it Waking People Up and Forcing Them To Give It Offerings.

The latter is what caught my attention. From my brief research, Buddhism does have the concept of Offerings, however from my basic understanding they are much more bening than what MFE seems to want. In Buddhism, Offerings are usually made out of simple objects such as candles, incense, flowers, food, drinks, and such; as well as the acts of giving, following morals, meditating, and practicing wisdom. These Offerings are meant to grant the person who gives them merit, which leads to better rebirth and progress towards the release from suffering. ...I think. I'm no expert, so if I'm wrong, please do correct me!

Anyway, the reason why I'm going so deep into this is because of the nature of Offerings that MFE seems to look for.

Let's briefly look at how the Karma status effect works during its fight: MFE uses skills to inflict Karma (implied to be Bad Karma specifically) on its enemies, but if the enemy wins the clash, it inflicts Karma on its allies instead. When a unit with Karma successfuly hits another unit, its Karma gets transferred onto that unit. If the stone exterior of MFE is broken, it inflicts more Karma on its own allies, and begins targetting them with its own skills. Karma causes whoever has it to take more damage, and when its count reaches 108, the unit will instantly die.

With all of that laid out like that, here's how I understand what's going on. The Offerings done for MFE have the same "purpose" as in actual Buddhism - that being gaining merit and good karma, mechanically represented by getting rid of the (bad) Karma status effect. However, it's the nature of these Offerings that is the red flag - MFE rewards violence with good karma, and punishes weakness and insubordination with bad karma.

My theory on what this means is this: MFE is not a representation of the actual Buddha... obviously. Rather, it's a fake, twisted idol that uses the image of Buddha and concepts associated with it to gather followers and make them do its bidding. Remember the whole thing with its stone, statue-like exterior hiding a fleshy interior? I believe that statue-like look is a mere facade, while the real MFE is the flesh hidden within.

Keep in mind this idea of a fake idol hiding underneath a stone-like mask for when we later discuss the themes.

Now, I want to take a look at the Skill MFE uses to kill whoever has the most (bad) Karma at that moment - Prajñāpāramitā.

From my, again, brief research, the word means "the Perfection of Wisdom" or "Transcendental Knowledge" when translated literally. It's this concept of a perfect way of seeing the nature of reality, a type of knowledge that looks past form, sensations, perceptions, and so on. Themes of emptiness and lack of self appear to be quite important to the concept.

So... what exactly does it mean for MFE to be using this form of transcendental knowledge to effectively punish those who collect too much Bad Karma? Well, there is a possible hint to what happens in the unused texts for its MD interaction. This unused text reads:

"You close your eyes and focus on the sound. What is it saying? This thing is uttering thoughts. Empty oneself by verbalizing one’s thoughts. Expel everything within so that nothing remains. That is the statue’s way of forgetting the self. You sense yourself disappearing as well."

I think this makes it quite clear. When someone in MFE's vicinity accumulates too much Bad Karma, it effectively tells them how to reach that transcendental knowledge. How to forget one's self. How to destroy everything inside until nothing but emptiness remains. And just like that, whoever was told that does as told, and disappears without a trace.

It's a twisted take on this idea, turning the concept of reaching spiritual awakening through kindness and good deeds, into one of dangerous forbidden knowledge forced onto whoever this false idol deems its opposition.

Now, let's take a brief look at the names of the Lust Skills and Passives, and what they may mean.

Expound Sutras (grants Attack Power to allies) - the act of presenting or explaining sutras, aka scriptures. Could be interpreted as MFE presents its rules and scriptures as a way to bolster its followers' resolve.

Mahāsrī (gives Protection to target) - seems to be a reference to Lakshmi, a Hindu goddess of prosperity among other things.

Svāhā (gives Damage Up to target) - seems to be a reference to Svaha, the Hindu goddess of sacrifices.

The above two skills are interesting, as they reference Hinduism rather than Buddhism. My interpretation of that is that MFE, as a false idol, is "borrowing" the visages of other deities to give blessings, once again enforcing this idea of using facades of true god-like beings to exert power over others.

Dhyāna (inflicts Power Down and halves debuffs on self, also the name of the passive giving it 10 Protection) - a method of meditation that is meant to destroy states of mind that prevent the reaching of true awareness and detachment. Could be interpreted as MFE using this form of meditation to expel debuffs from itself, and instead inflicting them on its enemies, as well as it using it to protect itself from harm to its concentration.

Anatman (passive that activates when the interior is exposed) - a doctrine that claims nothing is truly unchanging or permanent. MFE entering this state of Anatman when its facade is broken could mean that the "true" nature of this false idol is one that is a lack of permanent self or essence, thus having to use the image of another figure to exert power. Keep that idea of one's nature being a lack of self in mind.

Nirmāna (passive that activates when the exterior recovers) - from my understanding, this refers to Nirmāṇakāya, the physical manifestation of Buddha. This seems to symbolize MFE returning to its facade, hiding its real identity under the visage of Buddha.

Okay, that was a lot. Let's take a look at the information we have on MFE from its Abno Logs and MD event.

From the Logs, we get a further confirmation that MFE's followers are obligated to protect it, and that when they fail, MFE starts punishing them. MFE is also outright called an idol of worship, and we learn that the "Karma" it uses manifests physically as a ring attached to those who accumulate it.

From the MD Event, we get to learn a few more things.

One - MFE uses mantras to verbalize its own thoughts to empty itself, further driving home that its true nature is one of emptiness, of lack of self or essence. We also learn that this chanting is not "joyous" and it's imbued with a "curse", once again twisting a concept tied to spiritual awakening in Buddhism into something much more negative.

Two - MFE is capable of judging people on whether they are "worthy" or not, as it denies giving up its ring if you fail the skill check. This further points to its judgemental and punishing demeanor towards its followers.

Three - The statue itself is described as "forever still", unmoving regardless of what happens around it. An unchanging self as a facade to an interior described as impermanent and empty.

Now, that was. A lot. If you made it this far, you are very brave and I'm proud of you. Let's actually lay out the themes My Form Empties touches upon.

The first theme I believe is important here is the idea of a false idol. This concept of something ungodly, fake, taking on the visage of a deity, of someone in power, to control others to do its bidding. In a broader sense, it's the concept of faking the position of authority for the sake of furthering one's goals.

The second theme I want to point out is the impermanence of essence, the lack of self. This idea of expelling everything within oneself, of forgetting one's self, so that one's true nature is simply emptiness. The concept of no true identity behind the mask, only nothingness.

Finally, the third theme I want to note is the idea of retribution. Of punishing acts that go against oneself. What goes around, comes around. That somewhat simplified concept of karma that is more common in western pop culture.

Alright, got all that?

Good. We can actually move on to the E.G.O itself now. (I'm sorry if you're at this point, I genuinely didn't want this analysis to be longer than Hex Nail's, but fuck man My Form Empties turned out to be a fascinating Abno to dig into.)

From my brief research, the phrase "Ya Śūnyatā Tad Rūpam" translates to "whatever emptiness there is, that is form", which seems to be a quote from the Heart Sutra (what MFE is inspired by).

During her Awakening attack, Outis says the following line: "Karma shall find its way back to you, and rest atop your head.", which is Incredibly Interesting. First of all, we have the theme of retribution in the form of Karma. This idea that the retribution of one's actions will inevitably come for whoever commited a wrongdoing. However, that's not all.

The phrasing of "rest atop your head", combined with the replacing of the khakkhara MFE uses with a more standard-looking blade brings to mind the story of the Sword of Damocles. A sword that hangs above the head of someone in power, reminding them that despite their great fortune, the cruelty they had to commit has put them in constant danger.

This is then combined with Outis performing an attack animation that heavily resembles that of MFE's Prajñāpāramitā attack, which we discussed earlier.

Now, there are two ways I believe this can be interpreted in.

One is Outis being the one seeking retribution. The other is Outis being the one on the recieving end of that retribution. From what we know of Outis's source, I believe we're dealing with the latter.

Outis has done something horrible in her past, which is extremely likely from the little bits we know of her thus far. This has caused a target to be put on her back, as it's not unreasonable to think either a specific person or whole factions are hoping she pays for what she's done, that retribution comes and punishes her for what she's done.

And she knows it. This way of being able to see her true reality, of knowing that she'll get what's coming to her sooner or later, this "forbidden knowledge", is a source of anxiety for her. Her Sword of Damocles, if you will.

Moving on, during her Corrosion attack, her dialogue line is "Fall silent… As if there were no suffering in the first place…", which is so fucking loaded that I don't know where to even begin.

This idea of ignoring suffering, of staying quiet despite obvious harm taking place. Is Outis here talking about the suffering of others? How she stayed silent as her actions caused immesurable harm to other people? Or is Outis here talking about her own suffering? How she has to stay silent and ignore her own pain to put on a brave, stone-faced mask?

The animation of the attack here is also interesting. While it still mimics MFE's Prajñāpāramitā attack, it's not actually directed against opponent. Outis directs the attack onto herself, causing her facade to fall away one by one. Clothes fall away, stone cracks, and what's revealed is the fleshy interior not unlike MFE's. This reveal of the emptiness within is what harms the opponent, rather than the blade itself.

Is this symbolic of Outis revealing that under her mask, under this facade of a military commander, there's no true identity beneath? That she truly is the Nobody she calls herself?

Let's get into the Sin Analysis part. If you are still here, I appreciate you, and I'm so sorry this is probably genuinely like twice as long as Hex Nail.

Ya Śūnyatā Tad Rūpam's Sin Affinity is Lust. It's a somewhat weird choice, but I think this ties back to MFE's first theme. By using this E.G.O, Outis takes on the emotional state of a false idol, of a fake authority, someone who puts on a facade to achieve something. The usage of Lust here could signify that that's the main motive for putting on this facade, for Outis to fulfill whatever goals she may have.

While it's possible that Lust Affinity here could imply some form of indulgence, I personally don't think that's really the case here. I believe that here Lust Affinity is meant to specifically represent the motive of fulfilling one's personal goals through the act that the E.G.O represents, that being becoming a false figure of authority.

Sin Resources-wise, Ya Śūnyatā Tad Rūpam requires equal amounts Lust, Sloth, and Pride.

Lust, like I mentioned when discussing the Affinity, likely represents Outis entering this state of mind to fulfill her own personal goal. I think the important part of Lust's usage here is the emphasis on these goals being personal. Whatever led her to take on this facade was likely something she deeply cared about.

Sloth here could represent a few things. One is the inaction in the face of suffering, this act of "falling silent" that Outis references in her Corrosion line. Another interpretation could be Outis's resignation to the inevitable retribution coming her way. She knows that Karma, this Sword of Damocles, is resting over her head, and yet she does nothing to change it. Perhaps she knows that there's nothing she can do, and has thus resigned herself to waiting for the moment that Sword finally drops.

Pride is, perhaps, the most obvious one of these three. To fall into this state of mind, to take on the false authority deception, Outis has to ignore the negative consequences for the sake of focusing on the benefits. She's doing this to fulfill her goals, regardless of the suffering it may bring to others, or the target it may put on her back afterwards.

And, to end it off, let's take a brief look at her Sin Resistances are. And, in all honesty, they seem quite fitting. In this emotional state of going back to decieving others, of putting on the facade of bravado and fake authority for the sake of her own goals, Outis is the most hurt by Sloth and Gloom. The reminder that she has resigned herself to the Karma coming for her, and the idea of dwelling on the fear and stress that inevitability causes her.

...God now that I'm back these really just keep getting longer huh. Sorry about that. If you got this far, congratulations. You get my gratitude and the knowledge that I spent like three hours on this whole post, researching Buddhism included. There's no obligation for you to share, but I would love to know how long this took for you to read.

I wish I could promise my next analyses won't be as long, but let's be honest there's no fucking way I can be sure of that.

#anon #ask #lu speaketh #limbus company #lcb analysis #outis #outis lcb #ya sunyata tad rupam outis #i am so sorry for how long this post got #my form empties was one of those abnos that i didn't have a full grasp on initially #but after this analysis i feel like i understand more about it than i will ever have to

76 notes · View notes

turtledotjpeg · 1 year

Text

(chapter 400 spoilers)

i have been fed and i must make stupid internet doodles about it

my wife is so successful and popular (said with distress) and she is doing her best and she just wanted to do healing and said 'noooo' to murders and she cried about kacho and hates being called old and kurapika is the only one she can rely on and i'm gonna cry

more thoughts (not interesting) under the cut because this is an art blog but I am compelled to yell into the void about this chapter

man I was ready to be happy just to see Melody for one panel, but there was So Much in this chapter 🥺 feels like we're getting to see some new facets of her personality (see: Old Maid Melody lmaoo) and it's so fun

it was nice to see her and Kacho getting to interact a bit more openly - for some reason I was expecting nen-Kacho to be more of a separate entity, rather than the "brought back to life" kind of deal where she basically feels and acts like she's the same person? I like it though, I want to see her messing with Melody some more lol

I was wondering if Kurapika's goal might come up re: the fourth prince's invitation, but it seems like the immediate concern with Fugetsu takes priority, which makes sense Zhang Lei also wanting a private audience is interesting, I wonder if that could give her and Kurapika an opportunity to meet up and plan things out before she visits terrorsandwich? Before all that, though, they'd have to deal with Benjamin (assuming it's a first-rank-first-served kind of deal), no idea how that's gonna work out unless they actually pull off the Just Murder Everyone plan

also lmaooo the love confession 😂 one the one hand I feel like all her initial suspicion and mistrust towards glasses guy has to be a setup for him to actually be more honest than she expects, but I still can't help being a bit skeptical of him... both because there has to be something going on with the heartbeat thing, right?

and also, even if it is probably what's most practical for the situation, I'm not toootally sure if I love this "stop being sad and go use your powers to help us do murders" thing lol (granted kacho was very on board with both of those, too, but. idk man, maybe at least try to comfort her a little or something? xD)

that said, he is kind of risking his neck to help them, and i Am extremely in favor of anyone and everyone being in love with melody, so i appreciate him for that haha

okay, totally baseless "theory" #1: he's melody's dead sonata friend possessing the body (& therefore lying about the not believing in ghosts thing) - probably unlikely given Fugetsu is also said to be "possessed" and that looks very different, plus it sounds like that's something Melody should be able to notice? but it'd give him a genuine motive to help her out while lying through his teeth about all the details

or totally baseless theory #2: he's literally just a normal guy with a medical condition

melody: but I just don't get it, HOW can your heartbeat be so calm and steady all the time?!? kaiser: oh, cause of the pacemaker you mean? melody:

(**based on about 2 minutes of research I don't think that's quite how pacemakers work, but it's hxh universe, there could be Something)

(on an unrelated note, I also really liked Tyson in this chapter…sounds like she was basically pressured into a death battle she assumes she won't win, but she's still just out here baking birthday cakes and trying to have a good time :( rootin for her)

...and finally can I just say, even if there was a good reason for it, I think it's hilarious that Melody's reaction to someone liking her is just "hmm... 🤔 kinda sus" alternative responses to "i love you": "with a heart rhythm as precise as an atomic clock?! yeah right!"

#hxh #hunter x hunter #hxh chapter 400 #hxh chapter 400 spoilers #hxh spoilers #melody hxh #senritsu #rereading this and oh god i'm an embarrassing human being lmao #but it's been long enough that there's no point editing the wall of text to try and hide my shame #“i am cringe but i am free” or something #(that's a lie i am cringe and i am constantly judging myself through the eyes of imaginary people who think i'm just the worst)#(but that's a Me Problem™ dw about it lol)

221 notes · View notes

mochiwrites · 4 months

Note

Would you have any writing advice/tips for someone just starting out? I hope to one day be as skilled as you are!! <3

oh my gosh this has been sitting in my inbox for way longer than I've wanted it to T^T but yes!!! I have Many a tips (also sobs??? at you??)

write down. everything. little ideas, dialogue ideas, notes for yourself, future scenes, even if it's one sentence or two. write them. even if you think you'll remember it later

this one is kind of a give or take since I know some people are organized chaos and work better with that but -- try to keep all of your notes for stuff in one place. organization helps a Lot with writing (I say, as I have my notes for songbird spread out over four different apps)

outlines are your friend!!! I love outlines! chapter outlines, fic outlines. they're incredibly helpful in keeping yourself on track and knowing where your story is going. of course, this comes with saying: your outlines are Not set in stone. sometimes while you're writing, the story takes a different direction than you thought it would, and that's okay! sometimes plans change and the original image you had in mind doesn't fit with where the story is going. don't be afraid to plan something again with different ideas! it's all a part of the creative process

outlines also help a buuuunch with pacing of a fic.

speaking pacing, pacing is incredibly important to a story. you don't want things to feel super rushed or super slow either. granted, pacing can be tricky to figure out, but that's something that comes with lots of practice. I suggest looking at like. other fics or even tv shows (I use some animes I'm very familiar with as examples for good pacing)

research. if you're dealing with a topic or a concept that you don't know much about, do some research. I know this one sounds like a given, but I cannot tell you how many times I've read a fic that dealt with something like ptsd and. it was So abundantly clear the writer didn't do any research on it. and was writing based on very old fandom stereotypes that are Not in line with what ptsd actually is. so research is important!

if you're like me and you have trouble visualizing things, get reference images! they're super helpful. I use reference images a ton when I'm describing rooms and buildings. I can't visualize those too well in my head, so I go to google and look up the kind of building or interior I'm trying to describe. ofc, this expands to basically anything too -- clothes, items, scenery, cars

this is probably the most important piece? don't write for numbers. I know it's a lot easier said than done, because at the end of the day we're all human and we like sharing, we like talking about what we've created. and sometimes it's really easy to compare to others and get caught up in how well a fic is doing based on the kudos/comments/hits, etc (god knows I'm incredibly guilty of it jhhgfhfjg). but the really important thing is that you write for you. write because you're passionate about an idea, or you're excited to see something in your head come to life on the page. focus on your passion, your excitement, and you will find the people who share that. it'll happen naturally. write for the excitement and fun of writing <3

(I also have a whole tag now with other advice posts >/////< there's a lot of stuff in there that I hope can be helpful!!)

#mochi speaks #mochi advice

22 notes · View notes

ladyvader23 · 4 months

Text

20 questions for fic writers

I was tagged by the lovely @fanfictasia and @the-real-azalea-scroggs and this seems fun, so here we go!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

24, though I have some on ff.net that aren't posted on AO3 from the very early days

2. What's your total A03 word count?

850,878 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Star Wars, though I've dabbled in FFXIV recently.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Missing and Presumed Dead

Darth Vader Goes to Therapy

Just One Wish

Darth Vader Goes to School

Unexpected Truths (just like the title, I did not expect this one to be in the top 5 and I have questions)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to. I read and love every single comment I get, please don't get me wrong, comments absolutely FUEL me, but responding?? I have so much anxiety, it used to take me HOURS to respond to them all. Eventually it got to be so much on my emotional health that I decided it would be better to channel that into writing more for people to enjoy, so...that's what I do now. Again, comments fuel me, and I love you all, and I read every single comment and even have a lil' scrapbook of comments that I go back to whenever I'm feeling down about my writing, so I hope this doesn't give off the wrong impression...

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Easily Fracture. If you've read it, there's no explanation needed here. If you haven't...let's just say someone gets turned into a rug, among many other horrible things...

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh...most of my fics have a happy ending of some sort. Some you just have to wade through more angst and whump to get to the happy ending than others. I think Missing and Presumed Dead had an ending I thought was perfect for it, as did Darth Vader Goes to Therapy. Both were happy endings AND endings that I thought were perfect for the story that was told.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I write for Star Wars. Yeah, I've gotten hate XD. Thankfully, it's rare. Usually people get upset with my interpretations because "iTs NoT cAnOn!" I really just don't care, so I just laugh and move on. Like if you wanted canon, why are you reading fanfic?? Probably the craziest though was when someone went on one of the biggest Tumblr blogs in the SW fandom and used my Darth Vader Goes to Therapy fic to support their argument that the Jedi were evil or whatever (idk, I wasn't part of the argument) and beyond the fact that it's wild to go into a fandom canon-based argument with super out of context quotes from a fanfiction to support your argument, but to do it with a fic that I 100% wrote as a COMEDY is just. Wow. I was suddenly flooded with so much hate from a bunch of people who had never read my fic, thought it was a seriously written piece of literature, and assumed I agreed with everything the person said and I didn't even know until I went to the post and had to defend myself...every once in a while someone will not see that defense and will message me more hate. Like it's a crack fic. Granted, I DID do research on real therapy practices because I didn't want to make a joke out of therapy, but everything else was 100% a joke. I'm really glad people love it (so do I!) and resonate with it, but it's not canon. I don't think the person intended for me to get so much hate, so I definitely don't blame them, but it was a lot.

9. Do you write smut?

Um. Ahem. I may or may not have a private stash from like. Deleted scenes in fics that had romance in them back when I wrote those. That I will. Definitely. Never publish. Don't worry about it. >>

10. Do you write crossovers?

Yes! Though I've only done a few. I think the only one on AO3 was the crossover with The Last of Us, done before the TV adaption.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Sort of. There was that scare a few years ago when everyone thought a random website had stolen everyone's fics, but it turned out it wasn't that exactly. AO3 isn't available everywhere, so there are sites that are just set up to mirror whatever is on AO3 so that people can read fics on that site, and it happened to be one of those sites. Oh boy, though, did they get a lot of hate mail before it got clarified. Then there was that time I had someone write a fanfic that they said they wrote with a similar concept to my ff.net story Second Chances, but then one of their friends was like "this is a rip off" so they asked me to read it before they posted it to make sure they hadn't ripped it off. Except...it was almost 90% word for word....so uh. I didn't give my blessing and I don't think it ever got posted lol.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I've had fics translated into Russian, Chinese, Korean and French. My most common requests for translation are Russian and Chinese. I've never actively tried to get something translated, it's just whoever asks me for permission.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! (I'm keeping Aza's answer for this part since it's true) There's the memorable Great April Flood, which was basically a dozen of Star Wars writers gathering together to do a massive round robin with tumblr asks prompt fills (those three sentence fics, if anyone remembers) in order to flood our side of tumblr on April Fools in 2020.

I also did an Inuyasha fanfic with my cousin when I was a teenager, and I didn't technically co-write it, but I did heavily work with a specific character for my Fushigi Yugi Genbu Kaiden series with my best friend in high school as well.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I mean, I'm pretty open to whatever. I think I've written Luke with like....5 or 6 different people depending on the story?? But if I had to choose, I guess I'm pretty consistently Percybeth, so I guess them???

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Assassins Blade. Like it was a great story....but omg. I got so much harassment about the most random things, sometimes on every. single. chapter. it just wore me down and I just don't write romance-centric fics anymore, which is sad because I DO like writing romance.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Finding the comedy in even the darkest moment. Taking a horrific situation and really just letting the characters feel the emotions of the moment, letting them bask in the consequences of either their actions or the actions of others.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well, anyone who has ever edited my stuff will probably say "too many redundant sentences" and you know what? They're right. Fluff-centric scenes are difficult, as well. I also will disappear for months on end when I'm just. In a weird funk. Which I still kind of am in at the moment, but I'm actively trying to break through it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't really have an opinion on this one.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

First one I wrote for: Final Fantasy X, but my mom wouldn't let me publish because it was the days of the internet when all parents thought their child was going to be kidnapped if they did anything other than look at the internet. It was bad though, so I'm not sad I didn't publish.

First one I published: Inuyasha. I published behind my mom's back, and got in trouble when she found out, but then she looked at everyone's comments and figured out that I was not, in fact, overly in danger of being kidnapped, so she let it go.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Darth Vader Goes to Therapy. I will never be that funny ever again. I achieved my peak comedy with that fic. But a very close second is Missing and Presumed Dead, and sometimes, depending on the day, that one is my favorite and DVGTT is a close second.

This was fun! Tagging @sunshinechildskywalker @25centsoda and @zoryany but definitely don't feel like you have to!

#fanfic #writing game #ask me #my writing

7 notes · View notes

totkdaily · 2 months

Text

Day 42: Ring Ruins

I nip back to Lookout Landing for Lasli and Claree's groceries, then back to Kakariko Village for cooking and delivery. The sunny porridge cures their grandmother's Gloom sickness. It turns out that Lasli’s been putting off studying fashion in Hateno Village because her grandmother was sick, and now her family encourage her to go. I hope I'll see her there.

Now they don't need thousands for treatment (who was going to charge them that much?), I can afford clothes. I buy a stealth mask and radiant tights, and Claree gives me a free Sheikah fabric as well.

In the house opposite, I find Calip’s journal - sorry, Dr Calip.

He’s infatuated with Tauro. And more than anything, he wants to be remembered to history.

I remember him as a tightarse when he rebukes me for trying to get into the forbidden ring ruin a couple of minutes later.

I climb East Hill instead. Whatever was left of the old Sheikah shrine is buried under Zonai rubble. There’s a researcher at the camp, Xalis. He says if I get in trouble with Gloom I should speak with Ebah - but I think I already know the sundelion trick. Was it Ebah who was trying to overcharge the girls? Xalis also says the five rings represent wind, fire, water, lightning, time and light - aren’t those the sages’ powers?

Ebah’s journal is at the camp.

They’re looking for an alternative cure to sundelions given how rare they are - which perhaps suggests the overcharging.

I find Ebah staring down at the chasm. He’s leaving Xalis to research the ruins so he can research Gloom. Good plan, divide and conquer. He thinks Gloom comes from the Depths because of how it spills out of chasms. Makes sense - but I think in truth it comes from the Demon King. Only defeating him will eradicate the Gloom.

I’m tempted to jump into the chasm, but there’s plenty up here worth exploring first.

I find a stone slab at the Eastern Ring ruins. Tauro’s left more translation notes:

“Wind, flame, water, lightning… and time… Light… Who holds the power… secret stone,,, and… That person… dwell within… power… amplify… Great… might…display…” It’s more fragmented than the other one I found, but the importance of the secret stones in amplifying power is clear. Amplifying. Not granting? So… when Sonia said Zelda had both light and time power, that was her, not the stone she held. Light, we knew. It was the only thing holding Calamity Ganon back for so long. But time… could Zelda be back after all? Using this time power? Or can it only go in one direction? Magic has never been my area, I don’t know how it could work. The Princess would know, or would know how to find out.

I can barely see anything through this rain. It’s only when I jump down to look for more ruins that I realise - the chasm opened right where the Great Fairy used to be.

No wonder they were frightened.

I find those ruins full of monsters that the worries journal mentioned. Drenja is here, the Zonai Survey Team member who wrote about the incursion. He asked Olkin and Steen to clear the monsters out, but they’re just arguing about whether offense or defense is better. I’ll do it. I think they’ll find that the best offense is an ambush.

Tauro clearly got in here before the monsters arrived - I find his notes on the Nestled Ring Ruin:

“Those who… most elite among the… granted… qualifications… are chosen as sages… Those… worthy… secret stones… and henceforth… sages.” Still fragmented, but it does suggest that there were more sages through the generations of Zonai rule than the ones I’ve seen in visions. I wonder if there were any more after them? When did the practice die out? When Champions were chosen to pilot the Divine Beasts, were they conscious of that connection to the idea of sages chosen to enhance their power? And it’s just occurred to me that the helms of the Sages of Wind and Fire bear a reasonable resemblance to the Divine Beasts. Sheikah inherited Zonai - were the Divine Beasts built in praise or memory of the sages?

Is this how Zelda feels all the time? It’s so fascinating, but I don’t feel any closer to finding her. None of the other tablets have mentioned her. There’s one more here somewhere that I can access. Might as well finish the work.

Olkin and Steel agree to work towards balance. It sounds like Steen is Trissa’s partner - and they both should get back to help her out.

A Blood Moon rises over the village as I look for the last ring ruin.

#totkdaily #day 42 #totk #loz #zelda #legend of zelda

6 notes · View notes

blorbologist · 1 year

Note

Is an engineer not considered a scientist in the realm of science? Why?

Anon, I'm not sure how familiar you are with modern academia, and how science works today! Long gone are the days of lone (+ their wives and uncited apprentices) scientists cooking up discoveries in a lab, appearing to change the world, and shutting themselves back in. Maybe Percy would be considered a scientist in Exandria, by their standards, and he'd be perfectly smug about that distinction, but he absolutely would not vibe with what's required of a scientist today.

It's more like... hrm.

When I'm approaching scientist, I'm meaning someone like my grandfather or I: researchers, academics. People asking questions that take a long time to answer.

Percy is like my father: curious and loves making things, but first and foremost he solves problems first, asks questions second (though! They do have some insane questions! But they're more in the vein of 'what if Bigger, or Better', at risk of oversimplifying). Most engineers are in this camp. It's more immediately practical.

I do not think Percy would like academia.

When all is said and done he doesn't want to hurt people, he wants to make clocks, he just wants to quietly work on making things better. And you need to be constantly running to stay in place in research - I don’t think he would enjoy feeling forced to stay up to date, to find the next big thing, to publish to keep his funding - and, down the line, managing a lab, grad students, teaching. It's not all making things go boom, you know.

My dad is not a scientist: he works in computer engineering but the work environment, schedule and vibes are completely different to a scientist's. It's a complicated, high-stakes desk job. You have projects and deadlines and you solve them and it’s more closely tied to business, if that makes sense? Many, imo *most* engineers end up in similar boats: engineering is a STEM degree, but they don't end up in academia. Like how you wouldn’t call a doctor a scientist - it's got a similar education to start, but a different higher education and application. His job is definitely time consuming and requires skill, but it’s not his life or his personality.

Contrast this with research. You can't quite put deadlines on 'discover a new thing that's helpful in x y z way'. You're not proposing solutions, you're asking questions to which the answers could be solutions (or new problems). You get grants or get paid by a business to Figure Stuff Out, stuff that's ideally of interest/use to the party funding you. For most it's a lot of writing: you publish your findings, you apply for grants and funding. You're a little entity of knowledge production and discovery-finding. Your research history and academic credentials are everything. Going to conferences, often teaching too, having bitter decades-long feuds with someone who dismissed your findings and you’re sure they're fabricating data. There are engineers in academia, but they're a minority compared to those graduating and then going to work, and I don’t hear much about research from them?

Percy very much has a Thing about control: I can't see him working under someone else in their lab for more than a stint (say, while completing his PhD, mayyyybe as a postdoc), but he wants to poke at His ideas and His plans and follow His whims, and most PIs would squint at that given young man thats their funding. On the other hand, you can't be a student or postdoc forever, and he'd absolutely hate how the parts of science he'd enjoy the least would increase tenfold when in charge, with even less time for what he wants. And it never ends. When you are a scientist, You Are a Scientist. The things you're researching are a passion, they're integral to who you are, so everything is just... so personal.

Meanwhile, with an engineering job he can just... fix things. Start a project and see it to the end. Make things Work. Get the satisfaction of things coming out Right and As Expected.

And at the end of the day, he can put it all away and tinker with a clock.

This got rambly, apologies: there's a lot of ideas here and they're hard to formulate coherently.

Tldr: most engineers end up with stable jobs, ones with deadlines and clear things to fix and do, vs the very different, very... idk, throwing your heart and soul into the grinder work environment you see in research/academia. Percy would loathe so much of how academia functions, and the mindset it would require of him, he'd 100% get whatever degrees he thought he needed and get out.

(Now Caleb, Caleb I could see returning to academia, to pair with his teaching, though research would be a distant second priority. But it's a very Specific sort of environment that I think Percy would want to distance himself from.)

(Take this all with a grain of salt: I'm a Masters student in Bio who hopes to continue in research, and I haven’t had the hope beat out of me yet... but I did listen to my grandfather, and to my labmates, and mostly going off personal experience and the experiences to those close to me. Thus this has a focus on STEM, not on other facets of academia such as history.)

#critical role #percival de rolo #cr percy #cr meta #i guess???#not sure how well I explained this but look. yall remember Essek committing treason bc his research wasnt approved?#percy + gradschool would be a similar sort of 'oh of course this went badly'#also i cant look at this another minute because SIKE GUESS WHAT. I GOT DATA TO CODE

14 notes · View notes

lazyyogi · 2 years

Note

Do you fear death brother and how can one enjoy life when you know the inevitable for your dear ones and yourself, not forgetting the uncertainty?

Can it be said that you are enjoying life if you are willfully ignorant of one of its most essential and defining features?

The fear of death is what inspired my entrance into spirituality.

From the fourth grade up until the end of high school, I was enthralled by the supernatural. All things occult and esoteric captured my fascination. I practiced many different magical arts.

The summer before my senior year of high school, my father died from melanoma. And while it devastated me in many ways, one of the most profound problems with which it left me was that of mortality. My father's early death forced me to meet impermanence and mortality.

That's when I began seeking. I wasn't interested in answers; I wanted direct insight and understanding. By some grace this led me to meditation.

Even before my father died, as a child I would sometimes lay in bed at night contemplating death and feeling a great terror.

That fear continued to fuel my spiritual practice with intensity and urgency. There was no time to figure these things out later because later is death.

All of this came to a climax during a shroom trip in college. I had heard the term "unborn" used to describe awareness before yet never really thought much of it. However, it was during the shroom trip while staring at a bush for a solid three hours that I had a sudden insight into that teaching. Consciousness relates to the brain and therefore has a beginning and ending in relation to the brain--at least as far as I can tell. But awareness, that which knows consciousness and its different states, was never born. What is never born will never die.

After this experience, my fear of death dramatically decompressed.

It came as no surprise, therefore, when I later saw research articles about psilocybin being studied for its therapeutic value in providing terminally ill patients a sense of relief and ease. It is not that I recommend doing shrooms; that is for the individual to decide after careful consideration. But I can tell you that when I first did shrooms, I was quite surprised by how similar it felt to meditation. Granted, I had been a meditator for years at that time. Not all or even most people who try such substances have the same experience with it.

The fact of death is a central teaching in every spiritual tradition. Buddhism in particular emphasizes that it is by contemplating death that the mind and heart will turn towards seeking truth. This is what the Buddha experienced and what I too experienced. Death provides authentic perspective.

"In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is no time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions." ~ Castaneda

"Death is the only wise advisor that we have. Whenever you feel, as you always do, that everything is going wrong and you're about to be annihilated, turn to your death and ask if that is so. Your death will tell you that you're wrong; that nothing really matters outside its touch. Your death will tell you, 'I haven't touched you yet.” ~ Castaneda

"The real does not die the unreal never lived." ~ Nisargadatta

It is when we willfully ignore death and think we have endless amounts of time that we allow pettiness, division, indolence, distraction, and entertainment to shape our daily moments. It is also how we allow the ongoing destruction of this planet.

If you feel okay about death, if it doesn't make you sad at times, then you are likely fooling yourself. The reality of death should always keep us sharp and prod our heart-minds awake. It should make us feel tender sad love for those dear to us.

I always tell someone who is lacking motivation to practice meditation that they need to visit a hospital, an old age home, and a graveyard. They need to get it through their thick heads that this is going to be them, and much sooner than they may think.

Don't wait for later. Practice now, today. Practice spirituality, practice love, practice until every profound realization spoken of by all buddhas throughout history become your own direct knowing.

34 notes · View notes

enneamage · 9 months

Note

I was lurking thru ur older blogposts and saw that ur a 5w6!! I'm a 5w4 and was wondering if you knew a bit more about the differences between the two? I think it makes so much sense for you to be a 5 (me too) since you're here on critblr which is a very niche system of information that not many know about but is very interesting to get into. I also wonder if you would ever consider finding a professional avenue to practice this kind of in depth research and analysis, because for me that sounds like a nightmare (mixing work and pleasure) but I'd love to hear another 5's perspective.

Hello!

I’m actually another 5w4 so we are in the same boat. I’ve found that 5w6’s tend to be a little bit more engineer-like, but that isn’t a hard rule as much as a trend. I’ve found this description is reliable if you ignore the celebrity section. It’s not a shorthand but I’ve found the best way to understand the difference is to meet the people—having the experience of “okay so I’m kinda like this but you’re really like this” helps build the intuition up.

I think it’s really interesting that apparently it’s a trend among Fives to not be as into their field of interest as a career as often as a hobby. I think it’s something to do with the freedom that being a lone actor and not having to rely on other systems to get things done. Granted I know plenty of Fives who have brainy jobs and do them well, but I’ve seen just as many go into something that gets the bills paid so that they can have their freedom on weekends and when they get home. I think it comes from not wanting to be co-opted into something that will drain them.

This is going to sound unbelievably arrogant but knowing what I know about the average view-rate of academic writing, a doofy post that gets viewed on tumblr is probably going to have way more eyeballs and casual individual impact than most formal papers OTL. Academia has a real problem of stuffing everything behind a wall or in a fridge and guaranteeing it never sees the sun, it’s very locked off from the ‘practical’ world, even (or especially?) when its useful. (The rest of the time it’s so badly communicated by reporters that it kind of mutates into being untrue or not what was said in the first place.) The idea of doing stuff formally and intensely is appealing, but the reality of where the money comes from, what people want to use info for and what people are practically able to do kind of dulls it for me. I think I have the most fun when I’m a free agent and can lurk whatever weird fringe thing I get my hands on without having to run it by other people first.

#5 tag #but life is long if i stumbled my way here maybe i'll stumble somewhere else someday

3 notes · View notes

casualtheoriesandthoughts · 1 year

Text

Why Chainsaw Man is irritating and absurd, but is still not bad. (Spoilers ahead.)

When I saw the first episode of Chainsaw Man, I was immediately put off by Denji's juvenile behavior, his sexual appetite being his only apparent motivation for doing anything (that, and staying alive to "preserve [his] new lifestyle"). The amount of blood spurting everywhere also generally deterred me from watching further, as I am not one for gratuitous gore.

One of my friends encouraged me to give it a second chance, so I did. I concluded that Chainsaw Man is irritating and absurd, but is still not bad. At least, not as in poorly made.

I don't ultimately like any of the characters, except for possibly Aki. That is because Aki comes the closest to having redeeming qualities. Relatedly, I also don't love the the way humanity is trivialized at practically every turn (Denji being the saddest example of this). But I'm less interested in giving an in-depth character analysis than an assessment of the overall vibe of the anime.

Most of all, what I dislike about the show is that it is absurd in its outlook. I don't mean being weird or really out there, I mean that it defies giving meaning to anything beyond a very superficial "wanting the good life" and "killing devils" (forgive me if I don't have the tightest use of the literary sense of "absurd"). And no, I do not think the latter is a sufficient motivation for the conflict with devils, since that doesn't even seem to be the point. Few characters have desires beyond pleasure, and is willing to dispense with morality to do so.

Aki is a good example of what I think is done in the show: his basic reason for wanting to kill devils is that devils killed his family and later, his friends. This isn't a bad motivation, but one that I feel is ultimately not done justice. (I am aware that this is only the first season, and that there is a manga. I did a bit of research and learned that more is done with the world and characters, so I'll focus on my impressions of the anime so far).

When Himeno dies, Aki mourns in his hospital room and Denji wonders at his own ability to feel the same. It raised important questions about how much of being human seems to consist in having relationships and commitments. There's so much going on in these scenes and I would say it's the one time that the show felt very compelling to me. IGN's review called this "cinematic", and I agree, which leads to my next point about absurdism.

The show's less shōnen-y moments, away from the action, spend a lot of time trying to show what the inner lives of devil hunters are like, which is mostly gray and sad. This is simultaneously poignant and not. Aki's affect is generally stoic and unfeeling, though not so much serious as emotionally vacant. His focus on devil hunting and general disgust for devils who kill his loved ones feels less emotionally charged than a principle that he's decided to live by.

Similarly, Denji's light-hearted demeanor and lack of a filter leaves very little to the imagination, giving me the distinct impression that Denji doesn't care about anything except Makima. At the end of the scene in hospital, Denji decides it's too much of a downer to continue thinking about death and loss. The delicacy of human feelings is left to languish without much fanfare.

And this is precisely what pisses me off about Denji and the show more generally. It doesn't seem to ultimately matter that people die, that devils are mercurial and seem to have engendered a moral vacuum in society or that Denji is a teenager whose development seems profoundly warped by all of it. Characters don't really reflect on this meaninglessness, and instead seem emotionally eviscerated by it. How did the world get here, and what has it lost in the process? Why should we care that life itself has been deprived of meaning?

Nothing is shown, and nothing is told either. This absurdity, in which many human experiences can't be taken for granted, is not very appealing to me. It's worth reading this paragraph on the themes of Chainsaw Man on Wikipedia, including the views of certain reviewers:

The loose comparison to Jujutsu Kaisen is also somewhat instructive here, as it highlights what I find ultimately unappealing about the anime's absurdity. It is generally difficult, I think, for people to connect with characters' whose humanity is fundamentally in question without giving them a chance to stake their own claim to that humanity. Unlike Jujutsu Kaisen, Chainsaw Man's cast is never really engaged in reflection on the meaning of their efforts, their own goals or anything. I'm not necessarily saying that absurdism doesn't have its place, and shōnen animes certainly have been guilty of being saccharine in the extreme without much nuance.

But there's something about Chainsaw Man's violent atmosphere and morally gray cast that feels routinized and blunted. It grates on my usual sense that somehow this will turn out to have rhyme or reason. So to laud Denji's character as a commentary on capitalism feels excessive, especially when it's not really clear that the author has set out to do anything of the sort. Remarking on the few moments of pathos in the manga, Katherine Dacey puts it rather well:

"... no one is reading Chainsaw Man for these kind of emotional beats; they’re hoping for outrageous displays of gore and violence, and on that front, Tatsuki Fujimoto does his utmost to push the boundaries of good taste. "

It is this aspect that I find borderline immoral. I want to emphasize that while I'm just sharing my personal opinion, there's a part of me that feels that media and culture should be generative and thoughtful (that doesn't necessarily mean a happy ending or a conventional moral of the story, mind you).

That being said, Denji's one-dimensionality is sad and compelling in its own way. I feel for Denji because I see the way he's just been ground down. It seems that he's happy-go-lucky on the surface, but from this viewer's perspective, it can't help but come off as deeply saddening. The theme of objectification and the way people's fears manifest as devils has a powerful presence in Chainsaw Man, and I think it's one of the things I think truly ends up being compelling. The aesthetic of the anime goes a long way in making things feel bleak and pointless. Living in pursuit of even modest and trivial goals is better than submitting to the crushing weight of moral grayness, or so it seems.

Even so, the flattening of humanity that takes occurs feels alienating in the extreme. The casual treatment of tragedy and desire further drives home the feeling that none of this matters. Feeling that Denji's life is sad and undeserved matters little when the universe seems to defy giving that any weight.

I started out saying that Chainsaw Man isn't bad, but that it just grates on my sensibilities with its absurdity. It is a well-crafted anime with its visuals, story and commitment to a certain style. But its message is ultimately one that I don't care for, precisely because it seems to say that there isn't one. In denying the audience any sense of ultimate meaning, I'm left wondering whether it's worth watching at all.

#chainsaw man #anime review #theories and thoughts #tragedy #absurdity

2 notes · View notes

sandandlightning · 2 years

Text

Intangible Offerings

The most common things we find on our altars are food, drink, incense, and candles- all of which have a long history in many different traditions. But not everything we offer to our Gods have to be conventional, let alone tangible. The common use of candles, for example, in some traditions is already present as a symbolic offering of light.

Song, dance, and performance in general are all things that have historically been dedicated to gods in ancient times. I have a small hymn I wrote that I often hum at my altar, and dedicate dancing on holidays- by no means am I a professional, but I feel for some gods (Such as Bastet or Dionysus) the spirit of such a gesture is more than welcome!

A much less conventional idea I practice is often sitting down and watching an episode of a show or a movie at my altar and dedicating it, which to me is in the same vein as how a play may have been dedicated to a deity- not just by the performers, but in a way the audience would have been included as well. After all, a performance with no audience is arguably no performance at all. And on just a fundamental level I think there are definitely times when it’s appropriate to think “hey, if I like it maybe my Gods will too!” Now granted, with a patron like Set requests for the unconventional are probably a bit more common for me than for those with patrons who put more emphasis on tradition, but I still think there is value in thinking outside the box especially in situations where you may be limited by external forces in what you can provide.

I have an altar to Dionysus that is always kept near my photography or cosplay equipment. I do not give many traditional offerings to him outside of Wheel of the Year holidays, but as a god who is basically the patron god of drag queens and costuming, I dedicate most of my sewing and cosplay shoots to him. I do not work with him the same way I do with my patron or other gods within the kemetic pantheon, but I still deeply value the relationship I have built with him even if it is less conventional. Performing acts in the name of a god is just a wonderful way to celebrate them in my opinion and leaves us with so many options. Plant something for a harvest or nature deity, dedicate scholarly research to a god of knowledge, go stargazing to honor gods of the sky! All of which, of course, isn’t to say there isn’t value in traditional offerings- I still give a traditional food and drink offering once a decan, but that wasn’t something I was always capable of doing and have found creative alternatives to be well received.

On a somewhat more serious note, remember that anything you do offer or dedicate to your deity is going to be kept carefully in their gaze. It’s easier to give it your all for a dedicated activity that has a finite existence, but if you dedicate an item to a god keep in mind that you will need to care for it well and continue to show it due respect as something that is now also theirs. Now I don’t think this would mean something like lilies planted for Wsir going unwatered because you got sick for a week is going to earn you wrath, but it does mean putting forth your best effort- if you dedicate an instrument or a piece of clothing you’ll want to be sure you care for them well, keep them clean and presentable and stored respectfully. The Gods know we’re human and will fail sometimes, so what’s important is being sure they know you’re trying your best.

#pagan #paganism #pagan basics #personal practice #offerings #i feel like this is less informative and more of a hot take than some of my other posts but i wanted to share ^^

14 notes · View notes

ramblingbrambles · 2 years

Text

To new magic practitioners,

Remember that most spells are recipes, not formulas. A few spells may be chemistry (or a lot of your a chaos practitioner who moonlights as a chemistry teacher, lol) where you need to be precise and measure ingredients, and elements at specific times, and follow detailed notes, both literally and metaphorically (please be safe and research things thoroughly both magically and scientifically especially if it’s something you’re consuming), but most are cooking, that is to say, they are a work of art not a practice of science. It’s okay to eyeball measure and to have little spills (though big spills or mishaps may mean that it’s not time for that spell and that you need more time to prepare, energetically or through research), but most importantly, it’s about the blend, the melding of ingredients that work to magnify each other and to create the specific intent you’re looking for. Choose ingredients for their characteristics, not characteristics for your ingredients (it’s okay to do things that are simple, not to say that you have to get a bunch of fancy ingredients, just choose with intent). If two things pair together, mix them or join them before they are added to full mixture. (a personal favorite ward (of many, always have many and never tell anyone all of them, even people you trust) is to take an iron nail and fasten it to the non-reflective side to make a ward that protects you while reflecting any (undeserved, this one tends to backfire if you’re the one causing trouble) ill will back to its source). Not all of your spells will work, and anyone who tells you all theirs spells work is a liar. In the beginning, A LOT of your spells won’t work and that’s okay. You don’t start out amazing at cooking no matter how much research you do (granted I was like seven and my research was reading exactly one side of a label, but one of the first things I ever cooked was tater tots with allspice and garlic and rosemary. not awesome, I thought allspice meant for everything, reading the back would have saved me a tray of ruined tater tots). You will screw up and you’ll learn way more from that than your successes. It is called a practice, because it is something you practice; that also means it’s okay to go slow or to only dabble in. You don’t have to master everything you practice (though you’ll find a strong practice is more attainable than you’d think when you learn to ritualize aspects of your daily life to affirm yourself) Switch paths as often as you feel you need to, it’s like your major in college. There’s such a stigma around changing what you want to focus on, but that’s such a reductive view of humanity and our endless capacity for change. switching paths doesn’t necessarily mean you were wrong before; some things we hold with us as long as they serve us and part respectfully when it no longer does. You should always be growing and there is always more to learn. Science and witchcraft are two sides of the same coin, they work together to form our experiences. Do ancestor work, even if your ancestors were bad people, there are some in all of our histories and no one said all ancestor work is pleasant. Each generation carries both the power and strength of their lineage and the burden of what stains it. Fellow white practitioners, this means decolonizing yourself and your practice and working to be an active anti-racist. Ask yourself who you were before you were white attempt to reconnect with that culture. Don’t speak over marginalized voices, don’t steal from their practices, and don’t center yourself in things that aren’t for you. Learn to garden, write lots of journals, be cautious with entities, including other humans. Share your gifts and practice if it brings you joy, but don’t be afraid to keep your practice private if you prefer. Worry less on out should and more about could, there’s many solutions to most problems. That’s all for now, go be the beautiful shining lights you are! With love, ramblingbrambles

4 notes · View notes

inkofamethyst · 2 years

Text

September 8, 2022

It’s funny (”yes, but not funny ha-ha, funny mentally-ill”), when people ask for my instagram and I give it to them, for some reason I always preface the exchange with “but I don’t really use my instagram; I don’t like it very much; instagram doesn’t really make me happy.” And I think most people assume that it has something to do with the non-sequential timeline or the incessant ads or the forced tiktok-ification. Or maybe they’ll see the fact that I only have one post there, and maybe they’ll think I’ve got some insecurity that keeps me from posting which is closer to the full truth. Maybe they don’t really care at all. But on days like today when I catch a glimpse of one of my old friends’ recent posts on my Facebook timeline before quickly switching over to the groups tab for some wholesome sewing content, the real reason rears its ugly head.

I have a poor streak when it comes to comparing myself to others. It’s an awful habit that’s haunted me for years. And it can get really, really, awfully, terribly bad. Just as I’m beginning to believe that I’m getting over it, something new pops up and I feel like I’ve made no progress at all (and for me (and maybe this is part of the problem) the only way that I stop worrying about the comparison fully is by thoroughly improving myself (it’s like a parasocial rivalry which cannot be healthy)). Like today, a friend of mine from grade school is studying cancer and is supported by a government agency and I’m incredibly happy for her, but as I’m applying to graduate school (actually a lot of fear has gotten in the way of me truly beginning this process!!!!!) I keep flip-flopping between being enthusiastic for possibly getting to pursue my interests for the rest of my life and worried that I’m making a terrible mistake for half a dozen reasons.

The path I’m going down will not result in me making serious money. Not at all.

I want to be a biological anthropologist which sounds dope in theory but I want to study hominin evolution which, honestly, really doesn’t matter. I’m not going to really help people with this kind of research. It’s entirely selfish.

I’m stuck in this mindset of desiring people to think that I’m doing impressive things. I want to make discoveries that my parents and my community can be proud of (no one is placing this expectation on me except myself).

Maybe I’m not actually ready to pursue a PhD. I’m not good at asking those graduate-level questions yet, I don’t think, I don’t know.

If, for whatever reason, I cannot complete a PhD, I have almost no practical training in anything else. I have no backup plan, not really (I mean I could go into teaching maybe, but then I’d have to take out loans to attend school probably).

Even if I do get through grad school, it’s not going to be easy to get grants for this sort of thing. Recall, it doesn’t really affect the world outside academia. There are few practical applications for the public.

The people I intend to contact study wildly different things. Like, I feel unfocused (which, coincidentally, is exactly how I felt entering undergrad, so).

...there are plenty more I’m sure

Granted, I don’t feel a ~pan-xiety attack~ coming on, so maybe I have improved? If only marginally?

Today I’m thankful for half a frozen pound cake as a symbol of a mother’s love (and also evidence of behavioral evolution and kin selection, as said mother has put too much time and effort into rearing this child for them to be too overwhelmed to fix something for themselves).

1 note · View note