#griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

i'm seriously unwell about swann arlaud. everyday I go on tiktok and just watch edits from anatomy of a fall (i've probably got up to 20 saved). i scroll on my fyp and i hope to get an edit and i do. for about to days it was every ninth tiktok vid which is not enough. I've created three playlists (one specifically for his character in anatomy, one for sandra from anatomy and a third one) I've started writting fanfiction about vincent renzi. i downloaded the movie to make video edits of him WHEN I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EDIT. i just know a few songs that i think fit him (vincent). i cannot focus on anything and I've got serious uni work. and i still managed to watch two movies he's in in three days. idk what kind of hormonal storm i'm living through but can it at least calm down enogh so i can get stuff done? because this is just ridiculous. frankly, embarrassing. i don't even know a word strong enough to describe the absolute nonsense that is my current situation

#swann arlaud #vincent renzi #anatomy of a fall #white boy of the month #aoaf #anatomie d'une chute #d!lf #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

guys it's not funny, i just watched anatomy of a fall and it's insane how hot the lawyer guy is. literally, at one point i got anxious that my sister (who was sitting beside me at the cinema) might look at me and see me making heart eyes at him so i recomposed my face. you don't understand, yesterday i didn't know he existed, today i want him to step on me. if you would've asked me two years ago i would've said that i don't get the whole dilf milf thing, idk what has changed but i started to get it. i really got it now and i got it bad

(the movie is really good, i just let that out already on letterboxd and kept my horniness to tumblr lol)

#swann arlaud #anatomy of a fall #oscars 2024 #di/lf #d!lf #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

Quick thoughts on the performances of Eurovision Semi 1

Norway - Anne Boleyn from the musical Six?

Malta - dorks (affectionately). why are they whispering tho

Serbia - incredibly gender. (he's whispering too but it makes sense)

Latvia - intro reminded me of Radiohead but then it ended. i want them to get into final but just because they haven't been in the final since 2016 xdd

Portugal - this is how i imagine cabaret the movie is like having never seen it. it bugs me that her gloves are not the same colour as her dress.

Ireland - what in the 2010s pop(-rock)

Croatia - I unironically love this, this was great.

Switzerland - i feel a better ballad could've been written about this subject. they probably exist already

Israel - I don't like that kind of pop but damn that girl can dance. Israel itself sucks ass tho

Moldova - this guy looks like he spent a week in India and now teaches yoga. Fulenn was better.

Sweden - feels nostalgic, back to 2012. but also big and emotional

Azerbaijan - cute. tho idk if they're the kindest guys in the world OR would turn around say some real misogynistic shit if you broke up with them

Czhecia - i guess they didn't use tradional slavic clothing from the promo images i've seen so they wouldn't be called political but i liked them more

The Neatherlands - good ig but that's it

Finland - i have no idea what's going on but i love it

#eurovision #esc #eurovision 2023 #eurovision song contest #eurovision song contest 2023 #esc 2023 #eurovision semi 1 #eurovision semifinal 1 #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

No but where was my Verka Derduchka show? My Go_A celebration? My Jamala ball? Wym you only invited them to sing a single verse IN THEIR OWN EUROVISION!??!!? No Ukraine in Eurovision edit. No Ukrainian culture jokes. The English were feeling way too comfortable writing all this. Their ego after not being the last for once....

#they suck #eurovision 2023 #esc #esc 2023 #eurovision #eurovision ukraine #eurovision song contest 2023 #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

i'm watching a kurt cobain docu and he's kinda autistic.

disclaimer, this is just for funnsies, i'm not actually diagnosing him, obviously. just some things in common with autistic people. some might just be adhd things (which he's diagnosed with, according to the internet), since they're so comorbid, they might be a little confused in my head

didn't like his schedule broken (insisted his family did the usual weekend game night even when his family wasn't in the mood)

liked the games but only when he won (seemed insensitive to others)

the internet says he was diagnosed w adhd. autism and adhd often go together

didn't know how to make his family to like him

doesn't understand relationships (the situation with the girl w a learning disability)

didn't understand at all that [the girl who later became his girlfriend] had a crush on him - bad at reading social cues?

his girlfriend Tracy said that she nurtured him, was sort of motherly to him, that she helped him mature (and autistics are often considered immature)

it was difficult for him to keep a job

"i use bits and pieces of others personalities to form my own" - masking?

in this one video he was preparing for a concert and asked his friends to be in the first row, so he wouldn't be looking at strangers and literally said "i dislike strangers"

was sensitive to criticism and praise

#2021 04 16 #i have a feeling this might be offensive but i'm not really sure why/how #autism #asd #autistic #nirvana #nirvana band #kurt cobain #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

anyone else's 'for you' tab and 'try these posts/recommend for you' in the explore page sometime not too long ago became full of old twitter post screenshots from these tumblr blogs that only post screenshots of old twitter posts. where are my interesting new post by tumblr blogs i hadn't heard of?? hello? (also, i can check the ppl i follow on the 'following' tab, give me smth new in the 'for you' tab)

@staff why'd you change the algorithm or whatever was running that thing?

(how do i stop seeing @/catchymemes, @/meme-daddy and @/daily-spooky and others on the 'for you' tab without blocking them?)

#tumblr staff #tumblr #tumblr for you #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

Descartes said "I think, therefore, I am" and he's so real for that.

#i personally think this is very funny #philosophy #rene descartes #joke #dad joke #funny #descartes #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

funny how when i was eleven i thought i had, like, superpower hearing because i could hear things others couldn't (ex. what two people at the end of an empty hallway are talking) but then i understood that i can't hear shit when it's the person sitting next to me in class saying something or when we are in the loud corridors or the cafeteria during the break.

#auditory processing disorder #? #can i selfdiagnose myself w it? #apd #autism #am i actually autistic? #auditory processing #asd #actually autistic #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

ok ok listen and tell me if this makes sense. i'm just figuring out my sexuality.

i'm bisexual, yes. have been for 6 years sure of that. but also

demisexual? asexual? idk we'll come back to that.

i can start blushing from a thirsty tiktok (men's thirst traps usually don't work for me, but some men can do it right) HOWEVER i would not want to sleep with them if they appeared in front of me. is that what freysexuality is? what is that?

i have had a singular close sexual experience and it was fine and good. but my desire to lose my virginity has gone from excited and wanting to have sex (was it real or did i just confuse it with libido?) to "i just want to try it at least once in my life" (isn't that kinda ace, isn't that weird?) to "i'm good if i never do it, i'm not interested in seeking it out or waiting for it".

i never been so close to a person to want to have sex with them BUT the closer i am to a person, the more intimate i can be.

WHAT AM I? demi? ace? fray? gray???

#demisexuality #asexuality #ace #libido #freysexual #freysexuality #demisexual #demi #asexual #lgbt+ #lgbt #queer #questioning sexuality #griaustinis.post #a spec #ace spec #ace spectrum #asexuality spectrum #acespec

[griaustinis]

this might get tmi but i desperately want to feel like i belong somewhere, like there's a label to explain what i am and why can't i be exactly like everyone else in some aspects.

ok like,, i can see when things are meant to be hot and i *get* it. i can get flustered (is that the right word) under specific circumstances by fictional scenarios. i am able to want to be touched in a lot of places except, however, under my pants. but i have a sex drive and i masturbate.

i know what it feels like to want to kiss someone, to want to hold someone's hand. i have gone on first dates. i have kissed people while drunk and i don't regret it, it was fun. however if you'd ask me if i have romantic feelings for any of those people, the answer is rarely yes and never fully yes.

i'm never all in. i had never fallen in love and failed to see the red flags. what i do is i just get more comfortable with them as i keep my eye on those red flags (as they keep getting bigger but i keep hoping that they're not a reflection of their 'true character'). i form romantic feelings quickly and when i do, i still haven't fallen in love or formed a crush that had me down bad.

or i kiss them at the club (i speak like it's a common occurance, it only happened like 3 times lol), just because i'm feeling hot and want to kiss someone, i want to feel sexy. however stupid that sounds.

so what does that make me? TLDR had never fallen in love but feeling the want to kiss and those romantic things. don't want anyone near my vagina but i can feel when things are meant to be hot? and i want to feel hot and get hot? i started to identify as bi/pan romantic asexual bc having to explain why i don't care about getting (a boyfriend to get) laid is tiring

#alloace #asexual #a spec #aspec #ace spec #aro spec #queer #aromantic #griaustinis.post #griaustinis.diaries

[griaustinis]

idk most of the time regular porn doesn't arouse me. sensuality > sexuality any time. the someones genitals can be so non-sexual to me.

#do y'all get aroused just by a look at a dick pic or a vagina? #ace spec #a spec #arousal #sexuality #asexuality #sensuality #queer #lgbt+ #lgbtq #griaustinis.post #2021 06 10

[griaustinis]

carmen by lana del rey was (a big part of my) my gay awakening i just didn't know it yet

#2021 06 03 #queer #lana del rey #carmen #coquette #bi #lgbt #lgbt+ #lgbtq #gay awakening #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

not enough people talking about denmark (reddi - the show). just a bunch of queer women playing fun rock ❤️ (idk if they're queer but that's the vibes). i liked the genre change in the beginning, the costumes, the song is fun. i'd exchange them to armenia or switzerland anytime.

#eurovision #esc 2022 #eurovision 2022 #eurovision denmark #denmark #reddi #eurovision 2022 denmark #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

an example of learning a reaction and facial expression instead of doing it and how it backfires

from the ages 12-19 i had piano teacher who used to criticize me in such a mean and angry way. i wouldn't know how to react to make her stop her rant and i probably showed no reaction that satisfied her so she would ask "do you understand?!!!" repeatedly, anyway it was unpleasant to say the least. So I learned to switch my demeanor when she started ranting to my very animated "regret face" (basically just looking very sad but not crying bc she hated that). I still didn't understand what kind of reaction she wanted from me because she would still go on and on but I though it was better than my natural face (which might appear stone cold).

But now (1-2 years later) everytime I'm criticized I make this regret face to show that i understand and i'll try my best and they don't need to keep ranting. and i probably look like I'm on the verge of tears because when then they say "It's not that big a deal! It's not a tragedy!" after they criticise me.

the problem is: i don't even realise i'm pulling the regret face until they comment on it. it comes automatically when i get criticized. buti don't know how else I should act that they would see I understand and I will do better. my natural expressions (or lack thereof) look like i don't care about what they're saying even when i do.

#am i actually autistic? #masking #asd #autistic #autism #autism traits #autistic traits #autistic masking #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

WHAT THE FUCK, JESSE RUTHERFORD??? I knew that he was not a saint to say the least and i've been loosing my respect for him esp since 'chip chrome and the monotones'. but i didn't excect THIS??? I didn't even know he and devon broke up. what the HELL is his business with Billie Eilish, a 20yo??

#jesse rutherford #the nbhd #the neighbourhood #billie eilish #grooming #griaustinis.post

[griaustinis]

WAS I REJECTED BY TWO PRETTY GIRLS IN THE SPAN OF 10 DAYS?!?!? the first two women 1) in a WHILE that i found really attractive 2) EVER that i MADE A MOVE towards (or at least the most that my severe anxiety lets me)

#i'm ABOUT TO CRYYYYYY #scratch that i am crying. #wlw #bi #bi girls #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbt+ #queer #queer dating advice #queer dating #wlw dating #wlw dating advice #rejection #queer relationships #queer rejection #rejected #griaustinis.post