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darkmajesty-xo · 1 year

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Ready Player 1 ? - Shigaraki x reader

18+ MDNI | masturbation, praise , video chats, crack-humor

most would consider it unwise for a girl like you to be in these chat rooms due to the questionable discourse and rather infamous patrons, but girls just wanna have fun right ?

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: saw an old couple today, could be me and shig but he’s playing ☹️

user2345: i think you mean planning* as in planning world domination and torment of quirkless losers like you.

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: oh sweetheart you’ll never get any pussy if you keep acting like one

user3333: damn bro, you gonna take that ?

user2345: who gives a shit about some villain groupie ?

user2345: she keeps her mouth so full of cum that it’s starting to affect her whore brain.

user2345: do you really think the true leader of the new world would make time for some dumb cunt like you ?

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: there’s probably a higher chance of tomura shigaraki and i living happily ever after than there is of ANY woman even looking in your direction.

this was a normal friday night, you simping over shigaraki in the forums and clapping back at the misogynistic incels that hid behind their keyboards in their mothers’ basements. but there was one guy that always stood up for you whenever the idiots got too out of hand. he was also a moderator so he had no problems blocking them.

the two of you would dm off and on about life , thoughts on hero society, hobbies , etc. from your chats you gathered that he didn’t walk that straight and narrow but that didn’t mean much to you. he would sometimes tease your about your crush on shigaraki and your general taste in men.

finalboss: honestly, what kind of girl likes a criminal?; who knows what kind of twisted shit the guys into— you’re not even a villain.

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: you know nothing jon snow

finalboss: that reference just confirmed btw

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: i’ll have you know that my beloved is a certified otaku fantasy nerd.

finalboss: oh yeah ? and how’d you obtain such info ?

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: i run 3 stan accounts on twitter and i belong to a shiggy fan club 🥹

finalboss: 😃

finalboss: seek help

finalboss: 😃

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: you wound me ☹️

finalboss: i’ll just leave that too your Prince Charming lol

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: oh lord , did you see the footage of his latest attack ?

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: he was dressed like a whoreee 😩😩

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: tits just out for my viewing pleasure

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: shigaraki is my shepherd, he know what i want.

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: wanna suck on those sugar nips and call him mommy

finalboss: you get weirder and weirder every time we chat

xoxo_|hisMC ✮: that means we’re becoming besties ㅤ♡ ︎

finalboss: ♡ ︎

it was nice having someone to talk to about your secret obsession, it’s not like your “real life” friends would understand. the two of you had carved out your own little piece of the internet to goof around in. he never disclosed much information about himself and typically kept the conversations focused on you, but you still felt an undeniable bond to this faceless stranger.

then he ghosted you.

weeks went by without a word from your friend. he no longer defended you in the forums and he didn’t respond to any of your dms. you’d started to get worried that he may have been arrested or worse. and at the three month mark you’d finally given up hope that you’d ever hear from your friend again. but then the unexpected happened.

finalboss is requesting to video chat.

this was completely out of character but after months with no word, you were desperate to hear from your friend.

you were prepared to chew him him out for abandoning you. thinking of all the ways you could insult him while simultaneously expressing your need for his comfort and company. but your mind went blank when the grainy screen loaded into the pixelated image of your companion.

whispy tendrils fell from his bun, framing the sculpted planes of his handsome face. his lips were dry, slightly chapped, with the only lubrication being the sheen of saliva left by the slow drag of his tongue. bloodied eyes bore into your own leaving you breathless and dazed.

“hey bestie”

his voice was low and raspy, almost like a whisper. a deep rumbling that echoed in your ear drums. it was oddly hypnotic. he was absolutely mesmerizing.

tomura chuckled into the camera, showing flashes of perfectly white teeth. he leans back into the chair, a hand on the back of his neck showcasing a broad chest and toned abs.

“didn’t expect you to be this quiet, bestie. is my outfit not slutty enough for you ? i could always take these off…” his hand fell from his neck to rest and the waistband of his black jeans.

you remained speechless, eyes glued to the light dusting of hair below his belly button.

more laughter and shifting. now you were met with the glorious girth of shigaraki’s cock clenched tightly in his fist. the darkened tip oozed a sparkling trail of pre that spilled down his length. his thumb swiped the fluid to spread over his veiny member.

“c’mon , doll. don’t leave me hanging” he teased, squeezing his fist upwards to produce more pre. “i thought you wanted to be my ‘mc’ ? seems more like an npc if you ask me”.

“y-you’re him” you stammered, eyes following the slow drag of his fist. “you’re tomura shigaraki”.

“in the flesh” he teased, shooting a wink that went directly between your legs. “well kinda, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. sorry i’ve been away so long, but you’d wait forever for me won’t you , perfect girl ?”

your nod was automatic. robotic even. you’d moved closer to the screen, completely engrossed by his ministrations.

“anything for you beyon—shiggy”

you both laughed at that. he appreciated your humor, especially with all the drama in his day to day. even in def con simp mode and being ghosted didn’t stop you from being undeniably you. that’s probably why he was as obsessed with you as you were with him.

“i know we probably have alot to discuss but todays been kind of shitty and i’d really like to explore our final fantasies”.

you snorted, “that was really bad , shig”.

he shrugged, “i’m a villain, not a comedian, beloved. “now show me that perfect little pussy”.

#yandere shigaraki #shigaraki smut #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tomura #tenko shimura #mha shigaraki #mha smut #shigaraki x black reader #shigaraki x chubby reader #mha x blackreader #mha x chubby reader #mha crack

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curtwilde · 1 year

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Henry vs Julian

I have been thinking about this a lot. While Henry clearly admires and models his scholar self on Julian, their essential difference is in how they perceive the Ancient Greeks.

Julian's interest in the Ancient Greeks is true interest, he admires their high and exalted values. For him, the Greeks were the highest point of human civilization, and the closer he comes to his own time the more his disdain increases - the Roman Catholic Church he holds in contempt but it's still a 'worthy enemy' not as bad as the Presbyterian Church. It isn't mentioned but he must hold modernism and it's philosophy with disdain - modernist moral vacousness being a direct contradiction of the idealist values loyalty, honor, chastity etc. that were so exalted by the Greeks. Which is why he is always cherry picks, sees only what he wants to see, and invents what he can't - both for himself (his ambiguous involvement with the Isrami government) or for his students (encouraging Richard to lie about his life in California). Since he can't time travel back to Greece himself, he must try to live that life as much as he can and believe himself a character in a Greek play. But it comes, not from a place of wanting to escape his current reality, but true admiration of the ancient Greek way of seeing and doing things.

Henry is a true modernist. The monologue about feeling dead is central to his understanding his character:

Maybe it stems from his near death experience but he sees the world as inherently meaningless, God is dead and heaven and hell have been revealed to be man-made constructs, there is no punishment for evil and since there is no moral line. I think he subconsciously realised all of this before coming to Hampden, but to truly accept it would have been soul-crushing. So he tries to escape it by immersing himself in the Greeks, I imagine the absolutist values, vague representational ideas pertaining to each god might have interested him but really, it could have been anything else, the Medieval Age or the Victorians, anything. He just needed something to be obsessed with, to give meaning to his existence which he subconsciously knew to be meaningless. So is his adoration of Julian, he admired and wanted Julian's ability to almost half-live in another time when, in his view, things mattered more (we have divinity in our midst). It also explains the Bacchanal which is otherwise so out of character for him. The appeal was to escape the soul crushing knowledge of meaninglessness - even if for a while. To worship and call on Dinosiyus with the blind belief of the Ancient Greeks, a kind of belief that simply cannot exist anymore in the postmodern, post-Neitzche world. His harebrained plans also came from the same impulse, including the poison plan, and the one way ticket to Argentina.

I suspect that what subconsciously drove him to murder bunny, aside from the obvious fear of getting caught - is the same thing that drove Mersault to murder the Arab - it's the old existentialist question, if good and bad are relative and there is no punishment for evil, how far can one go? Bunny's murder was Henry's existentialist experiment with himself. And, I think in a way it confirmed for him what he already knew, they escaped unscathed and he didn't feel any of the fear or remorse he expected to feel. While it did give him the momentary sense of power, the feeling that he could now do whatever he wanted if he can be clever enough to not get caught, since he won't be punished for it otherwise. While it gave him enough courage to go get the girl he always wanted - it did confirm for him the inherent meaninglessness of the world. Also, conversely, Camilla could have been another experiment - something must matter, was it love? Camilla was the only girl he knew and he was fond of her - he may not even have thought of her romantically before considering he never cared to act on it in all the time he had known her. But either way, Julian's abandonment broke him.

Coming back to Julian, Julian's abandonment omakes perfect sense to me - he was disgusted by the modernist moral vacousness in his students. He himself was a moral man, but his morals operated on his own standards. He based it on the Greek sense of Honour, not the more modern sense of Justice. His basic instinct was the preservation of his own purity - he couldn't possibly keep on as their teacher. But also, to turn them in would be against his sense of honour - he must have very little respect for the police and law enforcement as institutions being the kind of person he is. Not to mention it would mean his having to be in frequent contact with the police and court. From his point of view atleast, leaving is the only thing he could have done, really.

For Henry however, he sees that his obsession with the Greeks as well as his admiration for Julian as the sham that it really was, is disillusioned with the world, shattered. Except for his fondness for Camilla he didn't really have anyone he loved, he saw his friends as pawns, wasn't close to his family, didn't have any goals in life with everything in his reach with his father's money - the only person he had really loved was Julian, and there he was betrayed. His obsession with the ancient Greeks was also thus tainted with Julian's betrayal - since it wasn't true interest at all, only a disguised attempt at escapism - it wavered and fell apart, and he didn't have a reason to live anymore.

Side note : Richard falls between the two. Like Julian, he had a real interest in the ancient Greeks, but he didn't put them on a pedestal like Julian did. He realised that like his own time, and like all other times in history the Greek civilization too had its own good and bad aspects, and he wanted to learn about it for its own sake. But he doesn't make it his life, or use it to escape his own reality - outside of his classes he was very much rooted in his own time.

#the secret history #tsh #donna tartt #henry winter #julian morrow #richard papen #camilla macaulay #charles macaulay #francis abernathy #bunny corcoran #tina rambles #lit

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hella1975 · 7 months

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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

#seriously another shout out to my mutuals #id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being #and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting #bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!'#hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over #and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic #sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭#okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals #like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful #so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up #than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess #they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds #so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW #okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE #SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES #if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends'#then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context #but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic #and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF #okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this #ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day

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mkeztrm · 1 month

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- cigarettes after sex

“ and I’m kissing you, lying in my room. holding you until you fall asleep, and it’s just as good as I knew it would be. Stay with me, I don’t want you to leave. ”

Warnings(?): Toxic parents, 🍃 (barely)

nick sturniolo x m!reader(?)

I’ve never really written something like this before, so please keep that in mind 😭

Idk if this would be considered an m!reader thingy, but the character in first person is a male! I hope that makes sense 😞

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All it took was the contact we made between our eyes, which ironically enough are also polar opposites.

Outside of my apartment complex stands a statue probably about a billion years old, it’s completely abandoned but it works as a perfect escape for when the world comes crashing down. I go there nearly every day, it’s really the only physical place I can go when shit gets rough at home. I can’t help but feel trapped in my own house whenever my parents have their little arguments, it’s like they forget they even have a kid. Today they started arguing because the dishes weren’t done, and somehow that just set off all of the missles in my mother’s heart, she snapped. So that’s why I’ve decided to go to the statue today, it’s my safe space when I don’t have one.

The area around me is swollen with plants, dark green vines wrapped around the chipped stone i sit on. As I’m walking down and pass the grassy corner I come to a sudden stop when I hear familiar footsteps around my spot. I slowly step forward and peek around to see a beautiful boy, around my age. His pretty brown hair is emphasized by the sunlight, and his heartstopping eyes are as well. I recognize him as the boy who lives down the hall, I’ve seen him a few times when I’ve had to leave the house. We’ve never spoke other than a simple “hey” or “hi”

“Hello? Hi sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

I quickly apologized before turning around. As I take my first step forward I hear his soothing voice.

“No, no you’re okay. I’m just taking pictures of the area. Do you want to join me?”

“If that wouldn’t be an issue, then yeah. I just need to get out of the house for a minute, you know?”

He watches me as I sit down, then he sits down next to me while he lowers his camera to his side. I can tell he’s as awkward as me, he’s just better at hiding it than I am.

“My name’s Nick, Nick sturniolo. What’s yours?”

“Oh, uh. My name is Jakson. Spelt J-A-K. You can just call me Jak though if you’d prefer.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Jak.”

“Nice to meet you too, Nick”

with a smile across my face i look over to my right jacket pocket and pull out a lighter. I looked at him and gestured towards it, offering him a hit. He nods his head and says “Sure, why not. I’m not doing anything later anyway.” I hand him my lighter, then I hand him a joint that I pulled out of my pocket along with the lighter.

“But I could tell that something had changed how you looked at me then.”

Minutes turn into hours, hours turn into four more. Throughout our sesh we shared our reasoning for hanging out here so often. His surprised me, I didn’t expect him to be a triplet, let alone the oldest. He explained to me in full depth that he comes out here whenever his brothers get to be too obnoxious, or whenever he doesn’t want to participate in one of their stupid joke arguments. He told me that he loves them very much, he just needs some time for him self as well. I didn’t know somebody could understand me that well.

“And I’m taking pictures of you with flowers on the wall.”

As time goes by, my head ends up on his thighs. My head resting on him while we watch the stars together. He let out a soft giggle whenever I’d point out a constellation or a shooting star, and for some reason that made both myself and my heart happy. Being with him made my heart skip a beat everytime he spoke. I never knew it was possible to become so close to someone in only a day. I looked back up at him, and he looked down at me. He let out a smile, so I did too.

God, my heart was racing so fast. You guys just met, and you’re already each other’s only friend. Is it shameful to have these thoughts about some boy you’ve only seen in a hallway before this? Before I could continue thinking, he placed his hand on my head and gently stroked my head with that grin on his face. He kept eye contact with me, and put his other hand on my head as well.

I think I’ve finally fallen for somebody.

“Think I like you best when you’re just with me, and no one else.”

After a long while the sun starts to come up, but I’m still rested on his lap. He looked down at me, I looked back up at him.

nick holds my face tight and gently presses his soft lips against mine, leaving me no time to react. Not that I needed to react, he’s so heavenly. He grabs my hand and stands up so I stood up with him. I can tell he wants to say something, but his face shows his thoughts are jumbled.

“Could I get your number? I think we should come out here again and hangout. Next time I’ll bring a blanket and snacks if we’re out here for that long again.”

“Oh definitely. My number is (xxx)xxx-xxxx. Feel free to text me anytime you want, boy. I’ll always be available for you.”

we walked up to the apartment building together, he made sure I got home safe. Before i walked inside of my house I made sure to smile and wave. I waited until he had walked away to shut the door.

I made my way back to my bedroom and passed out asleep the moment I hit my mattresses. I love this boy.

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HIII thanks for reading 🫶

I’m so sorry if this is bad, I really only write poems and I’m dyslexic as hell. I just wanted to write something for the first time and see how it went.

Please do not criticize this in the replies, I’m overly sensitive and will take it to heart 😭. /gen

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@inlovewithmattstur lord how do you write so fast.

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hauntedpearl · 7 months

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dean's like this is a sweet deal for you @ sam, talking about staying in the french mistake world because a) he wishes sam *would* say that because then he'd feel validated in his own desire to live in a world where there's "no hell below and only sky above" and b) he wishes *they* could've had that back home. because the hits have been coming since sam was six months old. because he's wanted to protect his brother so bad and he's "failed" despite his best efforts. and here..it doesn't matter because he ended up happy anyway. (doesn't matter that this version of sam isn't really sam, just some random dude who happens to have his face.) and Sam comes back with, no, no, this world doesn't mean anything, the people we love aren't here, we're not even brothers here! and dean who literally like five seconds ago said the same thing just looks so. heartbreakingly non-chalant about it. like. the so what? in his eyes is GETTING to me. because he's like. well yeah. maybe. but this is a world where i didn't fail you, so maybe it's worth it.

and like. first of all. ben edlund the man that you are..this dialogue exchange is very. interesting in the sense that it kind of lays out the personalities and the character motivations and the desires and fears of the winchesters for you in like. six simple sentences. dean's scared to bring up something that shuns the lifestyle that he's very loudly proclaimed loving, and he's scared of the desire he feels to abandon a world he knows he has to show up for, because no one will if he doesn't. but he feels easier to express it as a desire for his brother to live in that comfort. it's easier to say "I bet you wouldn't be broken up about it if we were stuck here huh?" because like. it's not him then, right. and sam. i feel like. sam grew up to be the person dean always tried and failed to be, in some respect. he's weirdly passionate about hunting and he's good at compartmentalising his needs so he's able to put the "mission" first and he's glad to do it despite the way hes been, like, victimized by forces outside his control for years. i feel like he's able to become this person because dean never showed weakness in front of him, not until they were full.grown adults. and because he never saw that vulnerability in his brother, he managed to grow up to be like the image of him. so sam's response is very. well. very what dean would say to a stranger. what dean would say out loud. very "we've got work to do." and you know. this should be one of dean's successes, right, and I do think he feels a mixture of pride and envy for what sam is able to do, but underneath it all, I think dean still counts it as a failure on his part because at the end of the day, it's like, sam still. is not actively choosing an "objectively better" life. just for what dean considers "scraps" (in which he includes himself.)

anyway. all this to say. I wish someone would hug that man. and also fuck john winchester I hope he's rotting in hell.

#spn rewatch #brothers are brothers are brothers they really sometimes make me wish i had brothers also #the french mistake

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thunderpetal · 4 months

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So, I love hearing about why favorites are favorites! Why are Wind and Time your die-for favs?

THANK you for the ask <3

For Wind, I think I first played Wind Waker exactly when I joined the LU fandom properly, and oh my god, I LOVE Wind Waker. It genuinely had such a big impact on me on the first playthrough (and does to this day), and I was still going through all the emotions when I was reading LU and starting to engage with the fandom.

Wind has such a good story in Wind Waker, and I could write an essay about it tbh but I'll save it for another time. I also absolutely adore how he is written in the comic; I think it's perfect. He has the immaturity you'd expect from a 13 year old boy, such as not always being the most tactful, jumping straight into situations without Fully considering them, and having some quite strong almost black-and-white opinions on complicated topics (see the Kings of Hyrule comic). But you can also leverage all of those criticisms at the other boys who are supposedly older and wiser than Wind LOL. What makes him great is how his younger age and strong personality also give him a completely different point of view. Despite having gone through a certain amount of shit on his journeys, he's still optimistic and hopeful for the future and he's fiercely passionate in protecting those he loves... What can I say. He's just a good lad. I honesty feel this messy collection of words doesn't even do him justice.

As for Time, it's sort of opposite reasons? The story of his games and his outlook on life is a bit darker than Wind's. Time has been through so much, and was a broken man for a while... and yet he is the one who has the happily married, domestic life a lot of the boys deep down want. He made it! And it's just so wonderful to see a character like that, one hardened by his experiences but still able to get a happy ending.

And yet. The potential to angst him is still tremendous. We have the Hero's Shade, which many speculate could mean he dies when the kid(s) he has with Malon are still very young. There's the Fierce Deity Mask. The Ocarina of Time. His negative opinions about the Master Sword and the bitterness he's still holding onto. Not to mention all the stuff he went through in the past and has recovered from but you could still explore... Even though Time has this happy life now, he's still such a great complex character to break into. God writing this just reminded me of the massive Time Analysis Glau (Glaucus_Atlanticus) wrote. I don't know where to find it anymore though :(

One last thing as well is that Time and Wind's interactions are also great. I think Time sees a lot of himself in Wind; Wind was forced to defeat Ganondorf young, just like him. But UNLIKE him, Wind hasn't lost everything. He didn't lose his childhood, he has a family, he doesn't have to say goodbye to his home forever. And Wind is obviously doing a lot better in many ways than Time probably was aged 12/13, which is pretty self-explanatory as to why (TERMINA). And seeing that makes Time very happy, it's clear from the way Time interacts with Wind in the comic. But there is still angst potential with Time being the hero who 'abandoned' Wind's world... it's good shit!

To cut a long story shit they're both great and I need to write more fics of them both.

#jay talks #asks #linked universe #linkeduniverse #linked universe dot txt #lu wind #lu time #i care them both deeply #this could have been SO much longer #but i refrained

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night-unfurls-its-splendour · 9 months

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Susan Kay's 'Phantom' Read: Part V (Erik, 1856-1881)

Before we start I feel that I need to talk about a perspective shift that I've had. More than half-way through the book now with the completion of this episode I've come to a realization.

Phantom is not what I thought it was. This epiphany has been slowly dawning but here we are.

My impression of Phantom, based on how I have seen it talked about in the Phandom (and certainly how the reviews on the back of the book present it) was that it was Leroux's story but with the blanks filled in and a few small liberties taken.

I had this impression because I was told that for quite a few years, Phantom was basically considered Canon and also because I have often seen Kayrik (or Kerik) and Lerik (or Leroux's Erik) conflated in discussions.

But as I'm reading I have finally realised that I don't think this is ever what Kay intended.

Don't get me wrong I hate most of the decisions she's made, but this book is a complete re-working of the source material with many elements of the book, some from the musical and some original folded in. For Erik's history she mainly follows the life-history detailed by Leroux, but in terms of Erik as a character, he more closely resembles Musical!Erik than anything (except that Kayrik's deformity affects his entire face, not just half). When we arrive at the Opera, she again adheres to Leroux's history. But once we catch up to the canon events, this time line is swiftly abandoned.

Nadir and Erik bump into each other and resume their friendship.

A few weeks later, Erik finds Joseph Buquet's body in his torture chamber.

A few weeks after that Erik hears the news of the Opera's change in management, and hears Christine sing for the first time.

In the source material, Buquet's body is discovered on the same night as Christine's initial triumph (so three months AFTER Erik began to teach her), the same night that the old managers, Debienne and Poligny, have their farewell celebrations and hand over management to Firmin Richard and Armand Moncharmin. Leroux describes Raoul rushing across the stage, "On which Christine Daae has just triumphed, and under which Joseph Buquet had just died." [This excluded from the original translation.

Why Kay chose to alter the progression of events I don't know, but that combined with a final nail in this coffin for me to realise that I had been approaching this book from entirely the wrong perspective. That final nail is the fact that Christine Daaé, in this book, is dark- haired and not blonde.

Kay does what most Phan-author's do: she cherrypicks her preferred elements from both book and musical (Erik general erudite comportment, his mis-matched eyes, Christine's dark hair) and combines them with her own headcanons to create an AU fic that, because of the reclusive nature of Fanfiction at the time and the fact that this work was published and widely circulated, became, for many fans not interested filling in the blanks themselves, erroneously synonymous with actual canon for a goodly number of years, despite its open contradictions to the source material.

Does that mean I like it any better? Haha fuck no. My irritation with Kay's choices persists. It's just that my ire for this book's influence is more accurately directed at the Phandom at large for making it something of a Golden Calf.

And like the Biblical Golden Calf I am here to pound it into dust and make everyone drink it.

So at this point I was going to complain that Kay never made mention of Erik being Christened "the trap-door lover" in Persia. There's even a CHAPTER of Leroux's novel called "The Masterstroke of the Trap-Door Lover". And this didn't come up even ONCE in Nadir's narrative. In fact the Persian and Leroux's narrator both talk about how Erik "rigged the palaces". Which is to say he made alterations to existing buildings and "turned the most honest construction in the world into a demonic house where one could not speak a word without being watched, or betrayed by an echo. How many family quarrels, how many bloody tragedies had the monster left in his wake with his trap doors?"

In Kay's narrative, Erik doesn't alter any existing palaces, he only constructs the Trick Box inspired palace described in Leroux's epilogue and his love of trap doors? Apparently it just isn't a thing.

Moving on

So of course we have to come back around to his mother. That was inevitable and I do actually appreciate it because we know Erik's furniture in the lair was his mother's.

The part where he views his mother's body is... eighhhhhh.

Erik describes the ravages of time in Madeleine's face and also the ravages of death. He talks about the irony that there's actually some resemblance between them now. And we get... this

And as I looked at her, I suddenly understood her revulsion at last--because now I shared it!

I felt no anger or grief as I looked down upon her . . . nothing except a disgust which enabled me to forgive any act of cruelty that she had ever shown me.

[...]

I did not kiss her, now that I had the opportunity.

I knew that she would not have wished it.

And I no longer felt any desire to do so.

I'm deeply confused as to what Kay is trying to convey here. Is Erik really saying that he doesn't want to kiss his mother because death has made her ugly? He goes on a lot about how death is gross and ugly and like... you just found out that your mom never re-married after you left. Never left the house she raised you in.

The misogyny REALLY steps up to the foreground here as well. He says of his mother's friend, Marie Perrault (the only person in this entire book with any rights imho)

This nervous, anxious, well-meaning lady had taught me to respect all members of the weaker sex.

Which, simply by calling them the "weaker sex"... you clearly don't? And after proclaiming is respect for ALL MEMBERS of the weaker sex, in the NEXT sentence he puts in a caveat about how he's never harmed an innocent woman, and also says something about the Khanom that really made me very, very queasy, and also reinforced my squicky suspicions about why Kay chose to make the cruel and capricious female figure in Persia an older woman (a domineering mother) rather than Leroux's "Little Sultana".

Very annoyed how Kay has graduated Erik's voice from "Automatic Aphrodisiac" to "Literally indistinguishable from Jedi Mind Tricks".

Erik regails us with how, using only his voice he is able to "reduce certain men to a trance-like state of obedience" (once exhibited on Nadir and his son Reza). When he meets Nadir again in Paris we are treated to this observation:

"Do you understand, Nadir? Keep away!"

His hand slid him it carriage door and he stood back with a trance-like obedience. He made no effort to prevent the brougham moving away, but although I knew my secret was safe for tonight, I felt no sense of complacency.

Once before he had broken free of my control, torn down the swaddling cocoon of sound with which I had bound him. Unlike Jules [Erik's lackey], he was not a natural subject; his will was too strong, his sense of identity and purpose too well developed.

Whenever he chose to fight my voice, I knew I would be unable to hold him.

That's a Jedi Mind trick. I'm sorry it is.

This section is actually quite enjoyable where the building of the opera house is concerned, but it takes a downturn, both in terms of the story and just the quality of the writing.

There are two instances of redundancy.

His death excited little excitement.

"My old interest in divination had never left me, and from time to time I still consulted the tarot cards in desultory fashion. It had been a long while since they had revealed anything significant, but now of late, each time I picked a card at random I seemed to turn up Death...

And this latter example leads me to something that really made me want to throw the book.

Since Nadir's narrative I have looked askance at something that has come up repeatedly: Susan Kay goes to GREAT LENGTHS to ensure that the readers know that Nadir I 100% straight. NO HOMO HERE, DEAR READER. ABSOLUTELY NOT. She shoehorns in a dead wife that Nadir never got over losing, and went into unnecessary detail about how when Nadir feels "the itch of manhood" (🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮) he avails himself of a prostitute or an odalisque. It comes up SEVERAL times. And when Nadir pops back up in Paris she makes sure to tell us that he has a mistress that he sees regularly. All of this to bring us to THIS infuriating line:

And so even as I walked with Nadir, talked with him, rejoiced in the warmth of communicating directly once more with a human soul, there was a part of me that looked at him with suspicion and wondered what part fate had assigned him in this new, unrehearsed opera.

Not the Lover, that was for certain. I'd seen enough girls leaving his apartments in Persia to be reassured that all of his instincts were purely heterosexual."

I'm not generally into gay readings of PotO. I don't ship Erik with either Raoul or with The Persian. But I will say that if there is an argument to be made for anyone in this book being anything less than 100% heterosexual, it's The Persian. Leroux makes no mention of him having a wife or anything of the sort. Tie that in with the determined responsibility and complex bond he seems to hold with Erik and a case can be made for our dear Daroga feeling something rather more than just sympathy for Erik. (I don't personally subscribe to this, but the case can certainly be made--I'm more of a DaRaoul girl tbh. I think that's an untapped gold mine).

But not here. Kay bends so far backwards as to have Erik say outright "Nadir is defo straight", while (even more bafflingly) implying that, perhaps, Erik is not. WHY, SUSAN. WHY?

Christine’s introduction is the single most "reads like Fanfiction (derogatory)" thing I've read in this book so far, but I find it very interesting how, when Christine sings for the first time Erik says that she "possesses a near perfect instrument". He says her technique is faultless, and that there's no weakness in either register. My first problem is that Leroux's Erik only ever calls Carlotta's voice an "instrument", because that's all it is to Carlotta. My second is that, according to Christine, her lower register was muffled and her upper register was shrill and her middle register wanted clarity. Maybe that's just Christine being too critical of herself, but I doubt that she had "flawless technique" when Erik began teaching her. Incredible latent talent for sure, but I do believe that she needed help with technique as well as motivation to reignite her passion.

Lastly we have Erik's description of when he first sings to Christine. His narrative regarding his motivation is actually very similar to my own:

She wanted an Angel of Music--an angel who would make her believe in herself at last.

[...] There was no reason in the world why I could not be the Angel of Music to Christine. I couldn't hope to be a man to her, I couldn't ever be a real, breathing, living man waking at her side and reaching out for her. . . .

But I could be her angel.

Is his motive here altruistic? No. But the sentiment is sweet enough. The notion of inspiring Christine's self-confidence is present.

Pity then that he takes a sharp left turn in the very next paragraph and utterly compromises any positivity in his intent.

I could not steal her body--but I could steal her voice and weld it irretrievably with mine; I could take it, and mold it, and make it mine forever...

Softly at first, infinitely softly I began to sing an old, heathen, Romany song. The Hollowed bricks carried the haunting melody relentlessly to her, permitted my voice to envelop her gently like a poisonous mist, seeping inexorably into her mind and staining her soul with darkness.

Well, well.

Once more unto the breach I go...

Masterpost

#phantom of the opera #poto #commentary on 'phantom'#susan kay phantom #phantom susan kay

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cinefairy · 1 year

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i personal feel that this the problem a lot us are probably facing and thinking. i feel this is a topic to be discussed rather than saying "you have it now, the 4D is the only thing that matters, 3D is a reflection... blah blah blah". we should also consider the people who's struggling and suffering from serious mental health issues even though they know the LAW OF ASSUMPTION.

let's say they want to manifest good grade and their test is tomorrow they have nothing prepared so they just 'try' to manifest, claim it and sustain in that assumption and the next day they go to school with full hope and they doesn't know a single thing in that paper and yep they get a bad grade and get discouraged. i know i know, you be like circumstances don't matter it's because that is what you assume. if they were so passionate and hopeful about that why did they get a bad grade? many of them haven't even manifested a thing so far they get easily discouraged and give up. then they be like "let me revise it" and nothing is happening again, this shit is going on loop.

WE NEED TO STOP THIS SHIT!

the blogs and stuffs say that the 4D is real and the 3D is not important it's just a reflection. let's say your bills are due in an hour or so days and you gonna pay the 4D money? hell nah. what's the point of having it in the 4D if you're homeless and your stomach is empty. you say manifestation is instant, if it is so why isn't my assumptions not hardened into facts? we assume a lot of things and not seeing them get real pisses us off.

now let's take an example, i want a complete 360 turn of my entire life like nothing is same as before. i want to be in a different country, have different name, have different job, have different appearance, have different personalities, have different friends, have different family ...... everything is just different. and then I assume like "okay, I'm going to count to ten and when it reaches one when i open my eyes my reality is completely changed" (assumed) and then i do that and nothing changed and i gave up.

this is what is happening for a lot of us and it's even harder when they're a beginner to concious manifesting or haven't consciously manifested anything before on will.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THIS THE CASE YOU'RE GOING THROUGH? WHAT WILL BE YOUR PIECE OF ADVICE.

if i make rules and if I assume that thing it's going to be like that why isn't it changing?

as someone who has personally struggled with mental health i can only give you advice & what i’ve personally done. it is truly up to you about what you’ll do.

when i first discovered into the law i wasn’t happy. i was having the worst times of my life, therefore (and i feel like a lot of us have been through this too) we attach ourselves to the law. we see it as the light to a brand new world and we depend on it to save us. we give all this power away to the law that we forget to shine light on our roles, and how we are the ones that actually have the power.

when struggling i wanted joy- and joy for me was something large, something bold, something outstandingly amazing when actually joy can mean having a cup of hot chocolate with a few extra marshmallows than usual. joy can mean opening the window and just letting the wind past you by. listening to old songs that played a part in my life and evoking all those feelings again.

so please take care of your mental health in the way that feels comfortable be to you. in the way that feels right to you, we cant continue to abandon ourselves when we’re struggling.

and im not saying that it’ll be easy. i struggled so much when i was releasing the pain of my past, releasing the pain of what i was currently going through. but i still did it. it didn’t hurt to try.

okay now lets move onto manifesting but before that can i just say something that irks me a little?

idk anything about you or personal circumstances but its such a common trend on here (and other loa spaces) to see people be like “okay but what if i was homeless???/what if i was in an extremely toxic environment” and it pisses me off to see people use serious issues prove a point. its so unnecessary. homelessness etc are your not your points to use against manifesting blogs

anyways

imagination creates reality, look all around you. this was all made imagination first before it became a physical being.

the law asks you to do something not a lot of people want to do and that is drop the old story. you cannot continue on if you want something new in the old self, in the old set of beliefs, in the old state.

how do you intend to manifest a whole brand new life when you still dwell in the assumption that it is not here?

how do you intend (for example) to manifest a successful business when you still dwell in the assumption that you’re businesses will always be unsuccessful?

you cant measure your success through the 3D. that is the biggest mistake people do. you’ll always be stuck in the loop of manifesting, looking at the 3D, then thinking you’re failing

and you can’t depend on blogs constantly and get mad

do you accept your desires? do you feel they are yours? do you know they are yours? do you realise that now that you have claimed it in 4D it is yours.

you’re so hungry for the physical manifestation of your desire that you dont fulfil yourself inwardly. why not make yourself feel great in the inside? and the cherry on top is the physical of your manifestation.

#ask

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darkestprompts · 6 months

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DD2 Shrine Rewrites Part 5: The Occultist's New Clothes

It's been a while. Enough to cross a desert, feels like. Which apparently Alhazred never had to do, because he's into astral travel.

The Occultist shrines are in an odd place. They aren't particularly offensive to his character considering how lacking in detail his original comic was. But it manages to kill off a lot of the mystique of that simple story and feels underwhelming as a result. It's also our best example so far of something that will become much more of a problem with characters like Jester and Vestal: the complete reframing of the narrative.

One thing at a time, though.

Alhazred as we knew him

The Occultist is an intriguing hero with an unique weapon: the very evil you seek to purge. His in-game descriptions emphasize the danger and unreliability of his power: it is a profane thing that requires extraordinary will to master. The Occultist, however, remains undaunted. He knows his skills come at a heavy cost and even shows some degree of nihilism (the Abandon Hope skill). This man knows there are no kind gods looking down upon him.

Unlike his Lovecraftian namesake, Alhazred is no madman. His barks portray a confident, proud scholar; civility mixed with arrogance; overconfident affability. All the good and bad traits of the enlightened. He scoffs at the savagery of his "uncultured" allies and enemies. Reason, knowledge, power, that's all that matters. Even so, we are often faced with another entity spouting blasphemies and curses through him, breaking his veneer of control. Whatever it is, it's not fond of humans and appears to use Alhazred's body to access our reality. We learn during afflictions that he fears it and can't be rid of it.

The comic and CC set paint a clearer picture. The Occultist sought out a mysterious pyramid, where we find piles upon piles of skulls with candles, exactly as the one his in-game model possesses. The inscription highlights the candle slowly melting away... An hourglass counting down, perhaps? Our Occultist isn't dissuaded and proceeds with the operation. The candle comes to life. There's no turning back.

What I find most intriguing about this sequence is that we don't know what exactly Alhazred expected. He doesn't seem entirely satisfied with his present condition, but supposedly he knew the cost to pay. Or did he? Did he hope to outsmart the old gods? Where did such unbridled ambition even come from? There's just enough information for the player to explore at leisure and I appreciate that.

Abandon hope

The DD2 shrines start off with the odd decision to transfer the Occultist's pyramid journey into the astral plane. Alhazred sits at the table with some "devotees" (students?) that act as supporting mediums in this excursion to the void. Honestly, I'm not fond of this decision, and I will explain in depth why further ahead. But on the most surface level we have this new-age-y addition that undercuts the gravity of Alhazred actually having to make his way alone to a tomb he discovered heaven knows how. It's less "medieval scholar scours the Earth in search of secrets of the ancient world" and more... ouija boards and moving tables.

Moving along, it turns out Alhazred needs to give away a part of him to acquire the power he desires. He fights and effectively kills the most human parts of himself to make away for the fire of the stars. This is a pretty great moment that adds dimension and horror to the event. Which is followed by... A shambler? Coming out of the void to attack him? The shrines aren't played one after the other, but I can't help but find jarring that we went from this highly psychological moment to "beat the big octopus to steal its magics".

So yeah, apparently Alhazred can beat an entire shambler by himself, he has only been holding out on us. Maybe things are different in the void or something. Apparently eldritch entities abide by Pokémon rules over there, because defeating it means you get its power at your disposal. Still not sure how this is a pact in any meaningful sense.

And then, the kicker. We learn why Alhazred needed company in this venture: so they could tragically die in the last shrine! As the Occultist broods sadly over the corpses, we are told that he became a beacon for the creatures beyond.

Mesmer would be proud

The sole reason for the séance, it seems, is to provide convenient deaths for Alhazred to feel bad about. It's heavy-handed and awkward, but at the first glance, not a big change. Let's look closer, though. I want to argue that imposing the seance as a framing device over the events of the comic significantly alters and weakens the narrative.

First thing off, the implied cultural background is different now. H. P. Lovecraft's Alhazred lived in the period of the Ummayad Caliphate. While it would be a stretch to call the Occultist's design historically accurate, one can accept that it's trying to portray a character of the medieval Islamicate world. DD2 eschews that in favor of a westernized suit. Note that I say "westernized", not western. There was an attempt to keep the Arabic influence in another style of dress. We see this a lot in modern fashion. But here's the catch: this blending of indigenous and western/European styles is a direct consequence of colonialism. It's a way to preserve culture in face of an imposed model of "modernity". Alhazred, on the other hand, was previously situated in a context where European dominance over MENA countries wasn't a given.

Maybe you will say now "well, but Darkest Dungeon isn't real life". Fine. But it's inspired by real life, which is why we can easily understand concepts like crusades and plague doctors, even though they are highly specific. If I take Medieval Arab-inspired Alhazred, I'm led to assume he comes from a bustling centre of science and political power, not a colonized backwater.

Now you ask, "wait! Why are you discussing his clothes, what does it have to do with the séance?" I'm getting to that. I bring up the design because it's another sign of the shift in cultural focus. Let me ask you back: why do you think séance is a term of French origin? Why don't you see terms like "medium" in relation to DD1 Occultist?

Séances became a big thing with the Spiritualist Movement in the XIX century. It's a strongly European and North American phenomenon that has roots in XVIII century mesmerism and would influence New Thought, Theosophy and, later, New Age thinking. When the game places our Occultist in a seance, wearing that outfit, it's shedding the premise of the Medieval scholar seeking out the wisdom of Antiquity, who travels and values original sources. It mindless pushes the setting in an eurocentric direction for no visible gain.

Second, the pacing isn't great. By now we expect every DD academic to be overtaken by the consequences of their hubris, it's a theme, it's fine. But we could do better than introducing a whole ham-fisted framing device just so Alhazred has companions that conveniently die off as the big neon sign that he fucked up. Other backstories try to pull off the "shocking twist" at the end (looking at you, Vestal, Jester) and none of them work particularly well. A twist still requires build up to not feel gratuitous and when every other story is about making the character as sad and sympathetic as possible, it looses a lot of impact. It's a technique that gets less effective the more you force it on the audience.

Third, the relevance of the dead acolytes evaporates once they conveniently die for dramatic purposes. I'm not saying he needs to bring them up every other bark, but consider how other characters carry their losses with them. Reynauld and his wife, Barristan and his soldiers, Dismas and the woman and child he killed, plus his "sweetheart". These are all haunting presences that let us know how much past events affected our heroes. The Occultist extras, however, are never mentioned again, even though Alhazred supposedly knew and worked with these people, these devotees who trusted his wisdom and guidance. It really highlights how they are merely a plot device.

Alhazred's problem, as far as we can tell from his barks, is not guilt. It's that no matter how hard he fights, he will lose himself someday. So why not emphasize this tragedy instead?

That's not to say there aren't good elements to the DD2 shrines. The supression of parts of Alhazred's soul is a great segment that lets us visualize what goes on in one of his dreadful rituals... although I'd suggest not make his soul have that piss-colored glow (don't color-theory me, it looks weird). Anyway, to make the Occultist's real opponent his own conscience is a great touch of characterization.

The shambler fight is less exciting in comparison. I know some people already considered that the eldritch creature within the Occultist was a shambler, but as often happens, what you can't see and can't fight is much more horrific than a random encounter, even with a wandering boss. It also raises a couple of questions. Why is it fighting if DD established that they struck a pact? If it's a shambler after all, why does the Occultist Come Into Your Maker bark refers to the Heart of Darkness as "the face of (his) tormentor"? Exposing the black-beast goes nothing for the story. It adds inconsistencies and reduces the unknowable entity of the pyramid to a regular monster we beat many times before.

Unquenchable fire

So let's try to fix all of this, shall we? First off, no séances. We'll keep the comic version, which implies a real, physical place lost to time and ruin. Instead of a suit, we will give Alhazred cool desert travel clothes. He has been searching for this pyramid for years, through moth-eaten texts, broken monuments and torn maps. It is the last stop before the object of his ambition.

He enters. The many skulls are a warning the Occultist gladly ignores. With him it shall be a different story. He's no fool, he's prepared. The ritual begins. This second shrine should use the "combat" sequence between Alhazred and his conscience.

He succeeds. Instead of a shamblet fight, we will opt for some good old evocative descriptions. You have Wayne June, you literally can't fail at this. Finally, Alhazred is faced with power beyond his understanding, dreadful, fascinating, mind-shattering. He's lost to the infinite possibilities unravelling before his mind. Then, the Beast is here. It asks a questions to which the answer is obvious. The pact is struck.

The Occultist returns to his scrolls and books. He experiments, takes notes, asks his new "companion" for advice. But something is amiss. There are gaps in his memory, strange inconsistencies. His hands tremble. He interrogates the beast, but It is silent. For the first time he feels the gap in his soul, a wound across dimensions, and he knows that it will swallow him whole someday.

He must try to stop whatever is happening, find a way to regain control. He seeks help, he searches for sources, living and dead. Can the pact be changed, broken? He blinks, unaware of his surroundings... And then there's fire and his hands are wet. Victims of flesh and parchment expire around him. If there is a way out, the black-beast won't let him find it. The voice in his head breaks the silence; It laughs and mocks him for believing he was ever in control.

I hope it's clear where getting at with these rewrites. Often, less is more. If a story works, it works. And you don't need to hit your players over the head with tragedy for them to care.

Ah, but things aren't going to get any better going forward.

#darkest dungeon #dd occultist #dd alhazred #dd2 shrine rewrites

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evilvillainapologist · 7 months

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All right, so, the game console.

Obviously, Tao Ran did way more than hand over that game console to Fei Du. He was there for Fei Du for years, had him over during the holidays, made sure he got fed after his mother's death, and probably provided a lot of stable home atmosphere for a teen who had grown up with a suicidal mother and a sadistic psychopath for a father. So we can all agree that Tao Ran is an angel and his only flaw is being straight.

And yet.

That game console is important for a couple of reasons:

1. Play.

Fei Du's dad does not strike me as the person who approves of play. Fei Du probably grew up with very little unstructured time to simply be a child.

The game console has no ulterior motive. It's just there for fun. In a world where Fei Du was never allowed to be a child, the console for the first gives him permission to just be a teenager, a boy of fourteen who does not have to prove anything or be anything other than a child.

Luo Wenzhou understood that. He grew up a rather chaotic kid, so yes, he understands how important it is for children to be just that - children.

2. Escapism.

There is a reason why we play games to distract ourselves from bad shit happening in our lives. Games are a great way for some escapism, and done in moderation this is something everybody needs. Since the console is handheld, Fei Du can take it with him, too. It's no coincidence that he plays it when he feels stressed; when one of his friends gets accused of murder or when he is triggered about his mom's suicide.

3. Somebody cared for him.

In its quintessence, the console was a gift with no strings attached. Even more so when he learns that the person who bought it for him did everything to ensure Fei Du would not find out it was him. A little kid who just got abandoned by his mother and who gets regularly abused by his father, isolated from the world. And then somebody comes and gives him something to play with just like that. That is not something you forget anytime soon.

Fei Du's attitude towards the game console even seven years later when he is an adult and has other means of entertainment and no fatherly shackles anymore shows how important it is to him. And then he learns that it wasn't Tao Ran who gave it to him. This probably did nothing to change his opinion on Tao Ran.

But Luo Wenzhou? The guy who never seemed to approve of him?

And then we learn more about Luo Wenzhou's role in Fei Du's youth. At first it might seem that he was responsible for following up on his mother's suicide and then seven years later they started running into each other again, but clearly it was way more than that. We learn from Fei Du's dream that Luo Wenzhou was probably around a lot when Fei Du went to meet Tao Ran. He does care about Fei Du during those times, in his own surly way.

We also have a memory of Luo Wenzhou's, about a time they hung out in Tao Ran's apartment and somebody broke a brick in his wall.

Even on that new year's day when Fei Du receives the game console, considering that he saw Luo Wenzhou's bike outside of Tao Ran's apartment, we can assume that they spent that New Year together. Luo Wenzhou probably watched Tao Ran hand over the game console to Fei Du.

And all of a sudden Fei Du realises that Tao Ran was not the only one thinking of him. Or being concerned for him, or wanting him to have a happier childhood. The guy who was always there, who provided entertainment for free, breaking into trash cans, yelling at old people and chasing muggers, actually thought about him enough to do something nice for him.

And now it's seven years later and that same guy is actually not all that bad. He can even be nice, or at least, his grating personality can be fun to be around.

Fei Du keeps parading around with that game console like a preening peacock, only to realise that maybe the guy who gave him a hang-up all those years ago is available (and not straight) after all.

#mo du #silent reading #fei du #luo wenzhou #priest

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ficretus · 2 months

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Theory: Speculating about Summer Maiden

So far Summer Maiden is the only Maiden we have no whereabouts of. Not even Vacuo novels provide anything about her or her Relic. I wanted to throw some thoughts around who I think will be Summer Maiden by the end of the Vacuo arc.

CURRENT SUMMER MAIDEN:

As I said, no idea. But let me get one thing out the way, I don't think Summer Rose is Summer Maiden or that she'll be at any point in the story. This might seem relatively weird considering so far characters with season in their name did eventually become Maiden of their respective season, but I don't think this is the case with Summer.

First of all, it would be bit random considering that power is tied to Vacuo and Summer herself doesn't have any Vacuo connections we know of. Second, it is somewhat implied that Summer is still alive, likely being Salem's Grimm experiment. If Summer was Summer Maiden and is under Salem's control, why would Salem bother with Cinder? Summer would be loyal subordinate that is second to none in combat. Why would you need to groom new subordinate of questionable loyalty and lesser combat ability? Third, in case she isn't Summer Maiden and is just one of Salem's thralls, I don't think she can inherit the power. Chronologically she'd be in late 30s or even 40s, making her too old to inherit the power.

For Summer to be Summer Maiden, it would mean she became one ages ago and isn't currently under Salem's control (because that kind of creates plot holes in Salem's plan). But I feel that both kind of damages her character (she becomes another Raven, abandoning her family for her own goals) and wastes implications Hound creates. I think her fate will be revealed during Vacuo arc, during summer portion of the story, if that makes sense.

I suspect we'll have another Amber or Fria situation with current Summer Maiden. As in, minimally established character that will give away their power to more important character narrative wise down the line.

GATHERING CLUES:

First place I looked into is The Four Maidens, in universe fairy tale about Maidens. For those uninitiated, it's a fairy tale about recluse Old Wizard being visited by girls representing Maidens. They visit him in sequence of Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall, each teaching him valuable lesson.

Maiden lessons are key part to focus on here. While in the story, they are something Old Wizard has to learn, in RWBY it's something Maidens themselves have to learn.

For example, Winter appears in front of Old Wizard's house, sitting in state of absolute tranquility. Wizard sits down and copies her example thinking about his own strange predicament. This somewhat matches Winter, who in her own moment of clarity realizes Ironwood is lost cause and turns against him.

Other two examples are much clearer parallels. Spring shows up and plants flowers all over Old Wizard's yard, turning a pile of dirt into beautiful garden. This implies Spring Maiden is all about fostering life. This matches well as a lesson Raven needs to learn as a Spring Maiden, someone who both abandoned her family and used her protege as a decoy.

Fall Maiden urges Old Wizard to be thankful for what he has. This matches Cinder who needs to learn to be grateful for what she already has, instead of seeking out all other Maiden powers.

Summer Maiden convinces Old Wizard to step outside. Upon doing so, Old Wizard starts laughing at himself for even staying indoors all this time. So whoever becomes Summer Maiden needs to have a flaw that makes them distrustful of the world. Their character arc needs to be about opening themselves to the world.

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All three current Maidens also have personal connection to the members of Team RWBY. This is either set up for eventual transfer of power to respective members of Team RWBY or they simply exist as dark reflections of respective team members.

Raven is Yang's mother, Winter is Weiss' sister and Cinder is Ruby's nemesis. This mean, whoever will be Summer Maiden needs to have some kind of connection to Blake.

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Lastly, all three current Maidens were at some point of the story antagonists. Winter was an antagonist during the portion of Atlas arc as Ironwood's most loyal subordinate, Raven was antagonist throughout most of Mistral arc and Cinder is still major antagonist. So whoever becomes Summer Maiden had to have been antagonist at some point of the story.

CANDIDATES:

First candidate I have is Gillian Asturias, one of the main villains of Vacuo novels. She is leader of villainous Crown faction, who seek to restore Vacuoan monarchy with Gillian in charge. She believes she is descendant of legendary Vacuoan kings, albeit this claim is based on delusion her father convinced her of.

Why do I think she might become Summer Maiden? First of all, she is an antagonist. While at the end of the novel, she gets imprisoned... it's RWBY prison, nobody stays there. Her Semblance allows her to siphon Aura which theoretically means she could take the power all by herself (since all transfer methods we've seen so far were Aura based). She also has a motive to become a Maiden, what better way to show you are true heir to the throne then seizing divine power that allows you to control the elements.

She also fits with Summer Maiden lesson. She is extremely traditionalist, avoiding the use of both Dust and Scroll. Crown members are also xenophobic to some degree. Both of these traits make her good candidate for a lesson about opening yourself to the world.

Issue with her is that she has no connections to any member of Team RWBY. While it's not out the question they might eventually interact, I am doubtful writers will have her establish some really personal relationship with Blake. I think she might become Summer Maiden, but more of a interim Maiden like Penny was.

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My preferred choice so far is Ilia. She matches all the criteria I've set up earlier. First of all, she is a former antagonist. Second, she matches well with lesson of Summer Maiden. As an antagonist, she was member of more radical version of White Fang that was no longer about Faunus equality and more about their supremacy. This "us versus them" mentality symbolically parallels Old Wizard refusing to leave his house, closed off from everybody else.

Summer Maiden lesson can also be manifested in another way. If you think about it, it's almost inevitable White Fang will appear in Vacuo to assist the good guys. And who else will be there? Ace Ops. Ilia will be forced to work side by side with people who represent abuse she suffered as a child. This could create interesting dynamic of Ilia and White Fang refusing to cooperate with them, creating an issue for good guys cause (in fact you can have entire Volume 10 be about previously opposed sides coming to terms with each other for the greater good considering you'll have Ace Ops, Happy Huntresses, White Fang and potentially even Branwen tribe all working together). Her character arc would be about letting go of her hatred and trauma and opening herself to the world, fulfilling the Summer Maiden lesson.

Of course, Ilia is also personally connected to Blake. Yeah, she is "just" her friend, but when you think about it, that's the most personal relationship Blake has outside of her team. Unlike her other team members, she doesn't have a sister, her mother is too old to inherit the power and her nemesis was not only male... he is busy being dead. Ilia becoming a Maiden would also diversify the roster by giving us Faunus Maiden. After all, if all kingdoms are coming together why not also have that symbolically reflected in Maiden roster.

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What are your thoughts? Do you have any other Maiden candidate you think is more likely? If you do, feel free to comment it.

#rwby theory #rwby volume 10 #rwby vacuo #greenlight volume 10 #rwby ilia #ilia amitola #gillian asturias #rwby

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itsana004 · 6 months

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I'll debunk another semi-popular (?) myth. I don't think many people even considered it to be popular at all, so consider this post more like a fun fact, but also I think (at least from what I've seen) that most people generally believe Gauche and Droite knew about Chris, or knew that he was Kaito's dueling mentor and that he abandoned him ever since the training days. Although I really liked this because it's fun to think about, I realized that it wasn't true (I still would have loved it to be true because I just need more lore and character interactions OK).

In anime it makes it clear that Gauche didn't, so we can say neither did Droite

Screenshot 1 - As you can see Gauche refers to Chris as "The guy who kidnapped Hart" and nothing else, no mention of seeing him around the Heartland Tower, nor him being Kaito's mentor - nothing else.

Screenshot 2 - Gauche was paying attention at the party and saw Kaito confronting Chris and noticing he was talking as if "he knew him well" - this already is proof that Gauche has no idea who this man is. The fact Kaito hasn't killed Hart's kidnapper yet and instead grabs his collar looking angry and betrayed is very telling that they are familiar with one another somehow 😅

Screenshot 3 - Gauche based his research on Chris' appearance based on Yuma's description - this shows that Gauche has never even seen this man before the WDC, he had no memory of a person that matched Yuma's description

And since Gauche doesn't, it should mean the same for Droite, right? Well, about that... this is Chris' storyline/route in 3Ds World Duel Carnival

here Droite asks Chris if he used to be Kaito's mentor, but how would she know is unknown, but in canon she is smart and good at gathering information so she knew it somehow, and I know that this is just a game and could not reflect the canon, but, this game pretty much has all the canon character traits and even adds more fun facts to the character (per example that Chris can play piano) and you damn know I will eat that up and they are basically canon to me but just different routes/storylines. So yeah... Gauche has no fvcking idea who this man is other than the fact he kidnapped a 7 year old sick child (yikes!) but Droite seems to kind of know but asks him to confirm it in the game

#zexal #yugioh zexal #ygo zexal #gauche zexal #nistro zexal #droite zexal #dextra zexal #dolowa #why am i focusing on facts nobody cares about instead of my uni assessment #christopher arclight #quinton zexal #v zexal #chris arclight

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revvethasmythh · 6 months

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absolute jobless behavior, what the fuck is going on?

I'm not sure how much you do or do not know about this situation, anon, so I'll give a brief primer just in case you were unaware of any of this. Essentially, for the duration of c3 (or, at least, most of it) there has been a tumblr user (warriorinrevoery) who is an avid fan of a certain ship that starts with an I, and they've engaged quite regularly in a lot of harassment within the fandom toward anyone with differing opinions on said ship. Note: ANYONE with differing opinions. Obviously, this includes folks like myself who are not overly taken with the ship, but there has also plenty of friendly fire leveled at fellow shippers.

Now, this anon-sender and unhinged joker-esque reblogger could theoretically not be our old friend warriorinrevoery, but they do give a lot of the same energy, so I am, admittedly, simply making the assumption that this is them. If so, that means they have escalated from making poorly argued reblogs on better people's meta to sending numerous "hate" anon spam to anyone who's been reblogged from utilitycaster, apparently, according to their own statement.

Generally, I consider this person to be a nuisance more than anything, but an irritating one who block evades regularly with shitty burner blogs they abandon with due haste (see: the fates of "harassing-little-hypocrite" and "petty-little-hater that," which were deleted quite expediently after sending their harassment out into the world. warrior also often employed this tactic).

So, overall? What's happening is that a pest in the fandom is being a pest yet again and the best we can do is block any blogs that pop up and move on (she says, somewhat hypocritically after reblogging that one post. But hey, like I said, I openly admit when I'm engaging in hypocrisy. I'm not afraid of it). So now I will echo some of the replies to that post of mine here because yes, beloved followers, this really is "hobbyless," "jobless," and "cartoon villain" behavior if I've ever seen it. I will disagree that this person needs to be studied, however, because I think it would be far more fitting for them to recede into the recesses of the internet, washed away by the tides of time until they are forgotten, their tepid rebukes unremembered. I think they would hate that the most

#anon #asks

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matcha-kisses · 1 month

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wordcount: 2.7k+

(The first few chapters take place prior to Zuko's banishment. You will be able to tell when the story returns back to the normal time frame of ATLA, but I will also clarify just so know one is confused. )

≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

"But gramma, why do you teach me waterbending if it's too dangerous?" Bai curiously questions her grandmother. "You and papa always tell me to be careful with my bending so why should I even practice?"

Gramma smiles at her curious granddaughter and put her arms down, letting the water fall down as well. She sinks to the ground so she can be eye level with Bai before answering her question.

"Bai, you have a gift. Not everyone has the gift, you know? Bending is who you are, and it is your duty to practice bending so you can share your gift with the world. You have the ability to bring something beautiful to this world. I know we tell you that you can't bend everywhere, and that it seems like we don't want to see you grow but that's not the case. We only tell you to be careful to protect you."

"W-why would I need protecting?" Bai questioned, growing nervous with every passing second. "Would something happen to me if people knew the truth about me?"

Gramma sighs, looking down at the floor. She doesn't want to tell her child the truth. Yes, if the Fire Nation found the truth about Bai, there's no telling what would happen to her sweet. However, she will not scare this child. She doesn't her child to fear the world at only 11 years old.

"No, Bai," Gramma started. "People all over this city would just get so scared because they know that my sweet could totally destroy them with your waterbending."

Bai lets out a small sigh of relief. She would hate for something to happen to her only because she's different. Who knows that they would do to her? Worse than that, to her grandparents? Although, she thinks of them as her real parents, considering she doesn't know her biological parents. Bai's parents abandoned her as an infant. They were scared of raising a child in the Fire Nation. They knew how cruel the Fire Nation could be, and they couldn't bare the thought of raising a sweet, pure child in a terrifying nation. So, they ran off without leaving any traces. Bai could see her parent's reasoning a little, but it doesn't change the fact that it hurts any less.

Thankfully, Bai's grandparents stepped up to raise her. There's not a single day that passes where Bai isn't grateful for their kindness. She hopes that she can return it back one day.

"Gramma, do you really mean that? You think I could take on firebenders?" The young girl questioned with a twinkle in her eyes.

Gramma laughed at her sweet. She loves the innocence she carries. Never change dear, she thinks to herself.

"Why, yes my sweet! I know you could take any 'ole firebender. However, there might be a force even stronger than your waterbending."

Bai pouts with defeat. Gramma taught her everything she knew, and she thinks Gramma is the best waterbender in the world! And she's the lucky student who's being taught by Gramma! How could someone be better than Gramma?

"What?! What's stronger than my bending?" Bai asks.

Gramma gives Bai a sly smile.

Oh no, Bai thinks to herself.

"I think you know, Bai." Gramma hums, lifting her hands up.

How could I have fell for this?

Bai tries to run away to avoid the torture that's to come, but Gramma is faster than the young waterbender.

"My tickles!" Gramma shouts, tickling her sweet.

Bai tries to escape, but she can't. Gramma is too strong for her!

"No! No! No!" Bai protests, laughing in between. She slowly sinks into the ground, unable to stop her grandmother. Curse these tickles! They truly are an evil force! "My tummy hurts, gramma!" She states all while laughing.

Gramma stops her attack when hearing her sweet's plea. She figured she has had enough. Plus, there's only so much tickling a person can take before they feel like they stop breathing.

Suddenly, the pair heard the door open. Bai gasped in excitement when she realized who came through the door.

"Papa!" Bai shouted, running to her grandfather.

Papa's face instantly lit up when he saw the smile child running towards him. He opened his arms, ready to engulf the child in a tight hug. Bai jumped into his big arms and was instantly swept off the ground by her strong Papa.

"Bai!" Papa shouted back. "I missed you so much today! What did my two girls do while I was working?"

"Well, Gramma and I practiced more waterbending today, Papa. Oh! And! Gramma thinks I'm a really really good waterbender!" Bai excitedly shouts.

"Well, of course you are," Papa starts. "You're being taught by the best waterbender in the Fire Nation.

Soon, you'll be at the master level!"

Gramma sighs in contentment. She appreciates how Yao allows Bai to be a child even during uncertain times. They questioned whether they should tell Bai the actual dangers of the Fire Nation finding out the truth, but they refused. They wanted to let Bai have a happy childhood.

Upon hearing his wife's sigh, Yao walks over to greet Ming with a kiss. Ming takes off Yao's guard helmet so she won't get poked in the face.

"Bleh!"

Yao and Ming look at their granddaughter with a laugh. She may be 11 and starting to like boys, but she will never like seeing her grandparents swap saliva.

"How was your day today?" Ming asked her husband.

"Well, it was alright. Firelord Ozai has been very busy with the servants and maids since his daughter, Azula, has a birthday coming up. So, he hasn't been too worried about us guards. Then again, he usually never is since no one has ever tried defying his power."

Yao worked as one of the many guards for the Firelord. Yao actually already had a place in the palace while Firelord Azulon, Ozai's father, was ruler over the nation. Many years ago of the Fire Nation attempted to attack the palace and kill Azulon. These rebels came very close, but Yao was the guard that saved Firelord Azulon's life that day. Firelord Azulon wouldn't tell this to everyone, but he was very grateful for Bai's grandfather that day; there's only so many people you can trust and you should never let go of those you do trust. Azulon was a man of pride so he would never call Yao a "friend."

But, he did want to repay Yao for saving his life. So, he made a promise to Yao; He wanted to give back life since his life was spared. Firelord Azulon promises that Shang family will always have a place of work in the palace, no matter who's in charge.

Many people were surprised by Azulan's very generous act, but no one questioned it. They were too afraid Azulan would blow up with rage and anger if they questioned a Fire Lord's action.

"But, I have some special news for Bai." Yao stated, instantly becoming excited.

"Me?" Bai questioned, pointing at herself.

"Yes, you." Yao answered with a laugh. "As you know, the Firelord has treated our family with great kindness," he started. "His daughter, Azula, is having a birthday party tomorrow night, and the Firelord wants her 10th birthday to be special. He wants to see her have this big party with many friends. He knows that I have granddaughter that's close to her age. So, he has invited you so you can hang out with Azula! Doesn't that sound fun?"

Bai stood in shock. She's never been invited to a party before! Well, she never has had any real friends before since she looks different from the other children. Bai may look like she's from the Fire Nation with her jet black hair and fair ivory skin, but her eyes are piercing blue- native to the Water Tribes. It's not a huge difference that screams "I have mixed heritage in me!" But it's enough to get Bai strange looks from the kids at school.

Bai actually holds quite an interesting family history. Ming came from the Southern Water Tribe and lived there for many years. But on one awful day, Fire Nation boats crashed on their land. The Fire Nation came to lock away all the waterbenders of her village. All of the waterbenders were taken and thrown in jail. Fire Lord Azulon and his counsel made the decision to execute all of the captured waterbenders.

Yao had just started as a guard for the Firelord during this time. But, the guards needed as much help as they could get when they found out how dangerous waterbending could be. One woman managed to bloodbend her way out of prison. After the guards found out waterbenders could actually bend the water in your body, they knew security had to be buckled down. Yao was the guard that was ordered to take Ming to the execution hall of the prison. He opened her cell, ready to take Ming to her devastating fate. But, when he looked at her face, he couldn't do it. Her piercing blue eyes begged for mercy. Yao knew it was wrong to let a prisoner free, but he couldn't live with himself if allowed Ming to die. And what made him so frustrated is that he couldn't figure out why. They stared into each other's eyes for many moments before Yao decided to make a decision. A really dumb decision, he thought at the time.

He disguised her as a guard and helped her escape the prison cell.

Ming was so grateful for Yao's kindness that she owed Yao her life. Whatever he wanted and needed- she'd do anything for him. Yao tried denying Ming's offer, but she wouldn't let him refuse. He eventually gave in when he discovered she wouldn't stop until she got what she wanted. She started out as a simple maid in Yao's home, but eventually, she began to fall in love with her hero. And Yao began to fall in love with his maid. She was the perfection definition of beauty with her dark skin and hair and ocean eyes. He soon realized why he couldn't have Ming executed. It was truly love at first sight. He knew then he wanted to spend the rest of his days with Ming. They both understood it was a big risk. Ming could never show her face to the outside world... but she loved Yao that much. She would be willing to sacrifice her life just so they can share one together. Eventually, they had a daughter, Li. Li didn’t get her mother’s gift of waterbending. When she grew up, she got married and had Bai. Which is about the time the Fire Nation became very war hungry. They’ve been war hungry for the last 100 years, but it seemed to have gotten worse. That’s when she left Bai on her parents’ doorsteps because she wasn’t up to the task of raising a child in the Fire Nation. No one knew why Li didn’t take Bai with her and run away together. It was like she wanted to leave her whole life behind.

That’s how Bai came to be. To her grandparents’ surprise, she took on her gramma's abilities and her beautiful blue eyes. But, kids can be cruel. No one really wanted to hang out with Bai since she only looked different. So, to say she was excited for a chance to make a new friend was an understatement.

"Really?" Bai asked, bewildered. "The Fire Lord is letting me come to a party? In his palace? Around his daughter?"

Yao couldn't help but laugh at Bai's excitement and curiosity. Children are truly one of life's delight.

"Yes, my sweet. The Firelord has personally invited you. And don't worry, I'll be working that night so you can always hang with Papa if you're not having fun. But, I have the feeling you're going to have a great time." Yao answered.

Bai can't help but jump up and down excitedly. Her first party!

"Papa, I would love to go! I get to wear my good dress too!"

Yao gives a tight hug to his sweet while looking at Ming. She has a distressed look on her face that screams, "we need to talk."

"Um, sweetie. Why don't you go to your room and look for your nice outfit for Azula's party. Gramma and I need to talk about some things." Yao said. "We'll come and get you when we need you, okay?"

Bai shook her head in agreement and ran to her room. She wanted all the time she could use to prepare for tomorrow night's festivities.

As soon as the excited child exists, Ming speaks to her husband in a worried tone.

"Yao... are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Well, I don't see the problem, Ming. It'll be a nice party. Besides, she's too excited now and will be devastated if she's told she can't go. And by the way, I'm not going to be the one that tells her. Nope, you can carry that shame." Yao says.

Ming rolls her eyes at her husband. Of course. Make me the bad guy, she thought to herself.

"No. It's just... well, Bai is good at her bending, but she doesn't have very good discipline right now. She can be reckless with it. And didn't you say that Azula could be a brat? I don't want our sweet and pure Bai to-"

"Ming," Yao says, cutting his wife off. "You are worrying over nothing. Bai will be fine. Besides, there won't be water just sitting around the palace. The only water that will be there will be for drinking purpose only. And why would she need to bend at a party? I can assure you that Bai will be too impressed with her surroundings; she'll probably just forget about water entirely."

"B-but if the Firelord finds out who Bai really is then-"

"Ming." Yao says in a firm yet quiet tone. "You have to calm down. Now, we both agreed that we wouldn't raise Bai in fear. And by doing that, we can't keep her sheltered from the whole world. She needs to be a kid and have fun."

Ming sighs in defeat. She knows her husband is right. She's thinking of the worse possible outcome which is never a good thing to do. She just can't bare the thought of something bad happening to her precious. Firelord Ozai is ruthless. There was a reason why no one has defied him yet. But, nevertheless, she knows her husband words are the truth.

"You're right." She agrees. "Bai needs this. She needs to hang out with children and make friends."

"Yes, she does." Yao says, pulling his wife in for a hug. "And I will be there watching the whole time. I won't let anything bad happen to our sweet."

Ming pulls away and looks at her husband with a shy smile on her face. She's very grateful to have a loving, caring husband that always manages to calm her down.

"I love you." Ming says.

"I love you too." Yao replies, pulling Ming back into a hug. "Now, why don't I go get Bai while you start up dinner. There's nothing more I'd want to do then to spend time with my two favorite girls."

#avatar the last airbender #atla #avatar aang #netflix avatar #prince zuko #atla zuko #avatar zuko #zuko x oc #fanfic #sokka #atla sokka #katara

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bagelsenjoyer14 · 9 months

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So when season two came out I promised I was going to dive into it and then I proceeded disappear but I'm back. Also I've been at school and work all day so sorry if some things dont make sense, or if theres any grammatical errors.

I know I talk about Crowley alot on here, but Azi has been on my mind lately, especially regarding his religious trauma. I mean this is one of the main plot points of season two (and a little bit in season one) Azi's main problem is that he still thinks in the very black and white, kind of old fashioned way of thinking that heaven is good, and hell is bad. We see this very very often in the show whether hes saying things like this to Crowley, for example:

(And in season two when he says something along the lines of "and you are evil, I'm afraid")

It seems something that Azi battles with for a long time, from when Azi freaks out when angel Crowley even CONSIDERS questioning God, he doesn't know what to say and goes in full panic. And these little remarks through the series shows what he still (tries) to believe. But I think he really begins to question during Job not only that he must be, by default, a bad angel for lying, yet he hasn't fallen, when someone like Crowley didn't do anything as severe and yet he fell?

But the problem Azi has is he cannot let this ideaology go. I mean we see him TRY to in season one and season two, he fundementally thinks Crowley is a good person, and he knows deep down the things heaven is doing is horrible. But Azi is too forgiving (we see this with Gabriel) and too optimistic in what heaven COULD be/ what God COULD be planning.

And this dynamic between him and Crowley is really interesting, it kind of shows the two spectrums of what religious trauma can do. Crowley, for example, has accepted early on that God has abandoned him, and he has learned the hard way that neither side is good and is instead better off fending for himself. We do see in his desperate moments him pleading to God, but time and time again he is ignored, which creates this weird relationship with Azi where for 6000 years he kept this weird distance between them in fear of abandonment again. While Azi on the other hand, does not know what it's like to fall, he deeply loves God and thinks She will always be good, but he is shown through other angels horrible things, and it's confusing (why would she create horrible angels, why would she cause disease and death if she was so good?) We see him get panicky once again when Crowley brings up the question in episode three as to why did God create poverty and expect those in horrible circumstances to turn out as good as those born in castles? And Azi kind of tries not to think too much about the point Crowley is making. I think Azi HAS silently questioned Her since Bliblical times, but has pushed it down, that's how his best friend fell, and the last thing Azi wants is God to abandon him.

Finally, I also want to touch on Azi's desperate need to be good and seen as good by others. I think this stems from him being seen as a "lesser" angel, being sent to Earth as more of a sort of punishment, being looked down on because of it. The one major thing him and Crowley have in common is not fitting in, anywhere. So I think all of this causes him to ache for validation that what he's doing is right. He says in season two that since he isn't reporting to Heaven, he calls Crowley to tell him about the good things he's done. We also see during the Job part where he lies to Gabriel, that he thinks he's a bad angel and once again I feel like this causes him to feel like he must over compensate and take the pain and sadness put on to the world for the better of everyone else.

Mitskis song "I Don't Smoke" always reminds me of Aziraphale becuase of the line "if you need to be mean/be mean to me/ I can take it/and put it inside of me" because time and time again Azi goes and does things to benefit others, and not himself. He puts himself on the front lines for people who have hurt him. Gabriel is a good example of this, this guy has tried to kill him! And yet he helps him. Crowley is obviously fraustrated by this, but Crowley doesn't understand exactly WHY Azi is like this, they have dealt with their trauma differently. So of course when the metatron offered him a position in heaven he took it. Not only did it help him feel validated and finally 'good enough' but also he once again jumped in front of a bullet heading directly to the world, and Crowley. He belives he is doing good by going to heaven. Even if it hurts him, he NEEDS to feel like he is helping others, and he believes that if God technically has appointed him to such a power to make sure nothing bad happens, then in his mind she must be good then.

#This is why I don't like the coffee theory #like maybe my boy just has some trauma #I love seeing how Crowley and Azi parralell to each other #I hope this made sense #im goign to sleep now #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #anthony janthony crowley #jim good omens #good omens season two #aziracrow #azirafell #anthony j crowley #good omens 2 #good omens meta

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