#he would want to kill Shawn so badly but Shawn would know that he would and would never let himself be alone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

machinegunbun · 3 years

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Is there gonna be a third part for Deserved It🥺

Deserve You+#

Word count:1.7k

A/N: Everyone say thank youu anon for reminding me lmaoo. This was supposed to be posted tomorrow but I got excited soo

“Pete, please just let me explain.” You whimpered, your voice and spirit growing weak. It felt hopeless, like maybe you really had lost him for good.

Your fist knocked lightly against the wood of the hotel room door, the sound reverberating down the silent hallway. Anxiety filled you, this wasn’t your first time knocking. You had been here for fifteen minutes and were completely unsuccessful so far.

You were pleasantly surprised when you heard fumbling from inside, not expecting them to answer. When the door swung open you were met with the sight of Colson towering over you, an unimpressed glare being shot your way

“He can’t hear you, he’s in the shower. Now stop, you’re pissing me off.”

“Please.”

“What do you want?” The question was more of a statement, letting you talk only to get you to leave.

“Is he okay?” You ask, sniffling.

“What the fuck do you think?”

“Please, I just wanna make it better.“ You plead

“Then go the fuck home.” He replies, shutting the door halfway before opening it again “And stop fucking knocking.” He adds, shutting the door in your face. Sighing, your back slides down the door, admitting defeat.

As you sat in the all too quiet hallway you found yourself wondering if maybe it meant more than you would like to admit. Maybe Colson was right, would you have kissed Shawn if he had never walked in? Would you have even ever told Pete if you did? Would you even regret it?

Tears began to well up in your eyes at the thought. Who were you kidding? Of course you’d regret it, who cares what everyone else thinks? You knew better than anyone that leaving Pete for Shawn would be the downgrade of a lifetime, and the fact that people based the opposite assumption purely over their own ideals of beauty was fucked up. Pete treated you better than Shawn ever did, he made you feel more than Shawn ever could. He made you a better person, you couldn’t believe your judgement had lapsed that badly, even for so much as a second.

Your head knocked against the door twice, trying to bang the anxious thoughts directly from their source, before the door swung open, the tall blonde giving you a single disapproving look when he spotted you on the floor.

“Is it the pizza?” You could hear Pete ask from inside. Right, you hadn’t gotten the chance to eat dinner

“Nah, it’s just Rook. I’ll be right back, you got the door for me?”

“Yeah, I got it.” Pete replied, his voice hoarse. You could only imagine he’d been crying.

You glanced up at Colson from your place on the floor, embarrassed.

“Just let me talk to him.”

“No.”

“He's not a baby, he doesn't need you to protect him.” You mumble

“No, but he cares about you. A lot. A-fucking-lot a lot, and I know if I let him out here and he sees you crying he’ll run right back into your arms.”

“I just wanna see him. I hurt him and it's killing me to know I can't hold him and make him feel better. I just wanna hold him.” You say, your voice cracking.

“Why don’t you just leave him alone and call Shawn instead so he can cheat on you again and you can go on another fucking bender and pretend like theres something interesting about your life.”

“Fuck you.” You retort, although you know his anger is the only reason for his words

“Fuck you too, (Y/N). Who took care of you after you went on your little fucking bender? Pete. Who helped you through the breakup? Pete. Who was with you when you felt like the whole world hated you even though you did nothing wrong? Pete. Who was there for you, romantic or not, whenever you needed him? Pete.If you really want to apologize you need to wipe those fucking tears, take a breath, clean yourself up, and fucking apologize without guilting him into saying its okay.”

“Okay, Okay. I’m not Casie.”

“Damn right you’re not, cause my daughter would’ve never pulled this dumb shit in the first place. And get off the fucking floor, you look pathetic.” He scolds, watching as you stand up, still almost a foot shorter than him. Colson turns around, pushing the door open as it was only half shut. You peer inside, trying to catch sight of Pete, but seeing only a piece of the hallway.

You remained on the floor, not daring to knock once again out of fear Colson might call security on you.

Your head ticked up curiously when you heard someone walking down the hallway, looking up to see Rook making his way towards you. Glancing down at you, he knocked, waiting for a moment before Colson was walking out of the door. Colson looked down at you as well, mild disgust gracing his features before he was walking down the hallway alongside Rook, the two boys disappearing into the elevator.

Pete walked out five minutes later, hoping you hadn’t given up and left. His eyes lit up when he saw you, first reaction being to fix the pout that was stamped on your face.

“Oooh, you got in trouble.” Pete teases, shutting the door behind himself and taking a seat next to you on the carpeted floor, not entirely caring that it was dirty as long as you were right down there with him.

“You heard?”

“It’s a hotel door, not a soundproof barrier.” He jokes, looking at you “Yeah, I heard everything. Listen, he shouldn’t have said any of that to you. He was angry, that’s all.”

“Don’t defend me.” You reply, looking over to meet his eyes. Pete purses his lips, his eyes filling with tears

“I’m always gonna defend you.” He says, his eyes leaving yours as he does, landing on the floor instead. The tone of his words are less reassuring and more disappointed. You thought for a moment he would cry, but he didn’t. His hand never even so much as came up to wipe his tears. Another brief silence fell over you, one more and you think you’d rip your hair out. You were unsure if you should wrap your arms around him the way you wanted to, the last thing you wanted to do was manipulate him into telling you what you did wasn’t a problem.

“I get it.” Pete says, breaking the silence.

“What?” You ask, your voice surprising even you in the midst of such stillness, feeling foreign and unlike your own

“I get if you want to be with him,” Your eyes meet once again as he says this “I won’t hate you.” He assures, his lips pushing together in a sad, half smile. You stared at him, examining his features and what you had done to him, but in Pete’s mind you were weighing out your options, and everytime Shawn came out on top. He was so caught up in his own mind he almost didn’t catch it when you began shaking your head.

“Oh thank god, cause he’s back at our place right now and we fucked on our bed-” Pete’s head tilted down in disappointment, focusing on his tattooed fingers. You laughed, punching his arm lightly “No, I want you dummy. Why else would I be humiliating myself by crying in a la quinta hallway. What's up with that, by the way? Colson doesn’t have the money to put you up somewhere better? You just got your heart broken.” Pete cracked a smile, his gaze shifting up to the door.

“I know the breakup was hard for you, and everything after it too. I guess I can understand just wanting something before it felt like the world turned it’s back to you.”

“No. I don’t want that, I don’t want Shawn. Sappy love songs, extravagant vacations, waking up early to exercise, flirting publicly as fan service, the perfect family-”

“Okay, okay we get it. He has a dad.” He laughs “Stop rubbing it in.”

“And actually nice hotels, seriously what the fuck is this.” You laughed, your heart swelling with love when you managed to make Pete smile “It’s just not who I am anymore. I’m late nights watching TV, laughing by the fridge when we get up at 3am to make snacks cause we have the munchies. I'm sitting in your backyard with you, your mom and your sister while we eat dinner and breathe the fresh air and look at the stars. I’m going on walks cause we’re depressed and need the sun to convince us we’re okay again. You changed me in the best ways, baby. I don’t want anything else.” You stared at the ceiling, vivid images flashing through your mind, thinking who you are now is so much more beautiful than who you were then.

You hadn’t even realized Pete was crying until he sniffled, your gaze drifting back over to him, the sight breaking your heart.

“Fucking lame.” He replies, both of his hands coming up to wipe his eyes, his sweatshirt pulled over his hands. You reach over, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him into your grasp. Laying there in peaceful silence, you find yourself running your hands through his hair, inhaling his scent and letting his body warm your own. You felt yourself calm down for the first time tonight with him in your arms.

The moment was broken as someone exited their hotel room, glancing down at the two of you on the floor before making their way to the pool, towel flung over their shoulder. Pete and you shared a look of amusement as he walked away, stifling your laughter until he made it to the elevator.

“Come on, let's go inside.” He says, trying the doorknob. There’s a thump sound as it moves a bit and stops, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion before giving it another try. You tilted your head, looking at the doorknob and to Pete as a look of realization overtook his features.

“I forgot my key.” He sucks his teeth, shaking his head as you laugh from your place on the floor.

#Pete davidson #pete davidson angst #pete davidson fluff #pete davidson x reader #pete davidson fanfic #colson baker #mgk #machinegunkelly #machinegunkelly fanfic #colson baker fanfic #mgk fanfic

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giasesshoumaru · 2 years

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“Class, I want to talk to you about prejudice, and how it still exists in today’s world. I didn’t even know that until last night when I saw a real smart, totally cool Asian girl crying her eyes out because some idiot at the mall called her a bad name. My lesson for today is that when people treat other people badly because of their skin color or their religion or where they come from, then real smart totally cool people can really suffer.”

“Hey, these aren’t gum, these are Rolaids!”

“Deal me out of this one, Mr. Hunter.”

“What, why?”

“Okay, fine, you win. I’m a crummy teacher and I resign... Hey, Shawn, before your mother before got married, what was her name again?”

“Cordini.”

“So, that would make you a wop, right?”

“What did you call me?”

“You heard what I called you.”

“Did you hear what he called me?”

“I heard what he called you.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

“He’s the teacher, what are you going to do about it?”

“I’m going to knock his head off!”

“What if you couldn’t?! What if you couldn’t do anything about it?”

“What?”

“What if you lived a country where I could kill you just because of your mom’s last name?”

“Cory, what are you talking about?”

“A 15-year-old girl is dead! Doesn’t anybody care?”

“Cory...”

“She was real smart, and totally cool. She wrote this book. Her name was Anne Frank. They say she died of typuhus, but they kiilled her because her name was Anne Frank. Anne Frank was a victim of antisemitisim.”

“Anti-semitisim.”

“Thank you, Mr .Feeny. You have to read this book and you have to pass this test. Not because of me, but because when someone calls someone else a bad name, it’s not good that just one that one person jumps up. We all have to jump up. ‘In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.’“ - Cory Matthews, Shawn Hunter and George Feeny (Boy Meets World, Episode 1.8)

#boy meets world #cory matthews #shawn hunter #george feeny

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strawberrielarrie · 3 years

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Music Industry Stunts and why they happen

Stunts are a big part of the music industry, you may not know it, but they are. The purpose of stunts is to push a certain narrative to the general public. Now this could mean many different things, PR relationship; coverups; or to peak the publics interest. Why? You may ask, why would the artist do this, why wouldn’t they just be truthful? Well, many don’t have a choice, the music industry is a place that I wish no one would have to be in, it is a cruel and awful place to be if you don’t know how to get around it, or if you don’t have the correct connections. In the past (and still now), many big brand music industries, such as Sony Music and Warner Music have controlled artists immensely.

George Michael

As a legend in the music industry, George Michael is a well-known name in the average household. From his time in the hit duo “Wham!”, Michael’s music was distributed through CBS, but in 1987 Sony took over and that’s when things went downhill. Michael reveled in the popularity of his hit album “Faith” in 1987, and so did Sony, because he was earning them money.

But that ended quickly with the news of his next album “Listen Without Prejudice” in 1990, Sony refused to promote the album and appear in the music videos for it. Michael in turn, disputed his contract with Sony, but he could not do close to anything, because Sony possessed the power of approval over everything that he put out. Meaning, George Michael could not release music without it going through the board of Sony, and if he did, he could get sued and fired.

(Sony is a whole other world of fucked up, they fucked MJ up so badly, Sony Kills)

During this whole time, George came clean, saying that the board of Sony, used many different homophobic slurs against him, and wouldn’t let him release any music that seemed to allude to the fact that he was gay.

George Michael brought Sony to court in 1993, claiming that between 1987-1992, he had made worldwide profits of £7.35 million ($9.8 million) compared to Sony making £52.45 million ($70 million). Ultimately, the case lasted till June 1994, and Michael had lost, the judge claiming that it was fair. Michael retaliated saying how Sony is “Professional Slavery”.

Suzanne Kessler, Entertainment attorney at Bone McAllester Norton and former in-house attorney at A&M Records and Universal Music Group stated, “There are two sides to this tale,” she said. “The music business is a relationship business, and he was uneasy with what was happening. A label often wants an artist to continue to trade on their established brand with the public. But after “Faith” Michael was trying for a new direction, to be taken more seriously as an artist instead of just as a pop star sex symbol.”

This brings me to my next point,

Closeting in the Industry

(Now I could go on for day about closeting in the music industry, but I will only give you the basis and then I will link another post that goes further in depth.)

Closeting is not a rare thing in the music industry, it in fact happens more than you might think. Many different artists have come forward, saying how their management said they should remain closeted to the general public, in order to maintain the brand that has been established. A popular example of this would be Sam Smith, they were offered multiple times by their management to have a beard. More closeting in the industry comes from Colton Haynes, who has been open about how his management closeted him because he “could not be gay and work in the industry”.

Colton link

Beard: A woman or man who fake dates a person of the LQBTQ+ Community, to hide their real sexual orientation or identity

The Types of Stunts and Stunt Songs

“Pap Pics”

Stunts are common, we all should know that. From the amount of staged paparazzi pictures and videos that get posted to twitter on the daily it is not surprising that stunts happen. One of the main reasons stunts happen is for publicity, I can tell you now, living in LA for as long as I did, the paparazzi aren’t at every corner just waiting for a celebrity to walk past. They are called to meet at a place where the celebrity is going to be, in order to get pictures. This call is made by the artists management normally, and many times it is done against the artists will.

“Relation-shit”

These types of stunts are the relationship stunts, normally it is two popular celebrities dating to gain publicity for a movie or song that they are doing. A popular reference to this would be Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato, Joe was approached by a head of Disney, who asked him to date, at the time, co-star Demi Lovato. This stunt was to push the new Disney movie that both were starring in, Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam. Now at the time Demi was unaware that Joe was approached to do this, so when Joe and hid dad approached her about it… wow that must have hurt.

Another example of a relation-shit would be Shawmilla. Now before you attack me for this, let’s look at all the facts. Everything that relationship has done has been staged, let’s look at the timeline.

August 2015

- the first time they publicly hung out (at the 2015 VMA’s), sparking rumors of them dating

September 2015

- pictured together at the iHeart Radio Festival, sparking rumors of Camila branching off of Fifth Harmony

November 2015

- “I Know What You Did Last Summer” was released and performed many different times, Camila was still in Fifth Harmony at the time

June 2016

- Shawn and Camila win an award for IKWYDLS and accepted together

- Camilla ultimately starts her solo career

December 2017

- Shawn is pictured with Hailey Baldwin (Bieber)

February 2018

- Camila is in a serious relationship with Matthew Hussey, confirmed by a trip to Mexico together

April 2018

- Shawn and Hailey go to the Met Gala together (Iconic)

December 2018

- Camila hints at music between her and Shawn on twitter (6 months before Senorita)

https://twitter.com/Camila_Cabello/status/1070381510740598785?s=20

May 2019

- Matthew and Camila last spotted together, returning from a vacation in Italy

- Met her family on May 14th

June 20th, 2019

- Senorita is released, now this had been in the works for over 6 MONTHS, so this was all very planned out

- On release day, the Senorita music video was also released, which is literally soft porn, I do not know how it is still on the internet, gross

- But, Camila? Aren’t you still dating Matthew? Why would you release this very VERY touchy music video with Shawn, if you are still dating Matthew?

June 21st, 2019

- Shawn and Camila in V Magazine, still very touchy

June 26th, 2019

- Breakup articles about Matthew and Camilla, Weird since he met her family only a month before.

July 3rd, 2019

- Staged photos of Shawn and Camila out and about

4th

- more staged pics

5th

- Camila at Shawn’s Concert

6th

- Shawn denies that him and Camila are dating

https://twitter.com/PopCrave/status/1147700409919778816?s=20

7th

- Shawmila in San Francisco all day

12th

- That god awful making out pics that shook the entire internet

- More pics in SF

Ok you get the point, they are pictured together only when one of them has music to promote, In this case its Senorita. Now for more recent proofs of this entire relationship being a sham. Shawn just released an album called “Wonder” and guess what we wonder Shawn? Why do you not post any pictures of Camila until you have an album to promote? And now you have a puppy? Pulling an Elounor are we?

Senorita is a total stunt song to “prove” to the public that they are together.

“Style”

Now this type of stunt gets its name from the queen of stunt songs herself, Ms. Taylor Swift. The notorious song Style, supposedly about “Ex” Harry Styles, is probably one of the most stunty stunt songs I have ever heard. Like come on! “James Dean Daydream look in your eyes�� if you didn’t know, here is a short recap on the icon himself James Dean.

Taylor has time and time again written amazing songs, I would be lying if I did not call her one of the greatest lyricists on the 21st century, the woman can write extremely well. So why would she put a nod to James Dean, a famous actor, who was a closeted, RAGING bisexual in a song so clearly about Harry Styles? She knows what she is doing.

Talking more about the “Haylor” stunt, can we please end that? It was a 3-month PR stunt that happened 5 years ago, please just get over it, they never really dated. And to the hardcore Haylor fans, there is no chemistry between them.

Haylor; The Stunt

“I hate you because I’m getting paid to!”

Now I do not go into this one much, but basically it is when you see two artists publicly fighting and releasing diss tracks. A popular example of this would be, Machine Gun Kelley and Eminem, with their songs called “Rap Devil” and “Killshot”. Their “beef” was totally staged to boost views on both sides, its even more prominent because they have the same record label, INTERSCOPE.

Eminem v. MGK

I will be adding to this the more things happens, but it you have and questions feel free to ask them!

#I cantbelievesispent3daysonthis imsotired imgladadderallexists #Stunts Taylor Swift George Micheal Haylor Larrystylinson James Dean shawnmendes shawn mendes camilacabello harrystyles #harry styles #ihateithere #idontknowhowtagswork

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softboywriting · 4 years

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Go The Fuck To Sleep | Shawn Mendes

Summary: You and Shawn make some big decisions. [established friend/relationship] [non au]

Word Count: 1.7k

|Masterlist In Bio|

The second day of Shawn being home from tour you show up at his apartment. You're a good friend, well, better than good. You and Shawn have history, a long history. On and off dating, deciding to be friends, hooking up, both wanting more but never finding the right time. Things are complicated. It's just after eight and you've got a bag in hand with a wrapped present for him. You knock twice and wait. He's awake. You didn't text him before you showed up, but you know how he is.

"Hello?" Shawn asks, opening the door to see you standing there. He grins. "About time you showed up."

"I've got things to do that are better than babysit you."

"Babysit? I'm a baby now?"

"You've always been a baby." You shove his chest playfully and he backs up to let you inside. You pass him the gift from your bag and he turns it over in his hands curiously. "Open it."

"What did you get me?" He mumbles, tearing off the paper and revealing a copy of Go The Fuck To Sleep. "Wh-"

"You need to sleep." You look him over and then grab his jaw in your hand. "It looks like you haven't been getting any rest and frankly you look like shit. You look old."

Shawn's face drops and he stares at you, hurt in his eyes. "Take that back."

"No. You just don't want the truth."

"I'm fine."

"You're exhausted. When did you last eat a full square meal? When did you last eat three meals a day and snacks? Shawn, you're killing yourself."

He walks past you and into the living area. "I didn't think you'd show up and berate me."

"Well someone oughta because you obviously aren't doing shit about it yourself."

"You think I don't know?!" He rounds on you, walking back angrily and meeting you halfway. "You think I have no idea that I've lost ten pounds? That I forget to eat because I'm too busy and I'm stressed out? Do you really think I don't notice that I'm not getting enough sleep? Because trust me I know." His voice falters and he clenches his jaw, trying to hold himself together.

You lay your hand on his chest and his heart is pounding wildly. "I'm here to help you."

"How?" He sighs tiredly.

"By staying with you and making sure you're okay." You slide your hand up to cup his cheek. "You're home now, you don't have to work or stress about anything. Your only obligation is you."

"I'm so tired," he says brokenly. "I'm so, so tired."

"I know. Why don't you go lay down and close your eyes? I'll make some food for you to eat for the next few days."

"But I don't have anything."

"I'll order groceries for delivery." You push him toward the couch. "Relax. I swear I'll handle everything."

Shawn grabs your hand as you move to turn away to raid his kitchen. You raise your eyebrows and he pulls you toward him. "I don't know what I'd do without you." He says, hugging you tight.

"You'd survive. Just barely."

"Yeah, just barely."

_____________________

Three hours later and you've got Shawn's fridge and freezer stuffed with everything from a veggie tray to muffins and chicken tortilla soup, a specialty of yours. You've even portioned everything out, knowing he usually follows a pretty controlled diet. He's passed out on the couch when you go to check up on him. He's so cute, mouth hanging open, plush lips a little dry. You wonder how long it's been since he slept this hard.

Another half an hour passes and you keep busy by tidying up a bit. You don't want to turn the TV on lest you wake him and you definitely don't want to run the vacuum or anything. In the end it doesn't matter because just as you settle down at the other end of the couch he sits bolt upright and looks around as if he has been punched.

"Whoa, hey, are you alright?" You lay your hand on his foot and he jerks it away.

A second passes as he gains his bearings. "Where...h- oh. I'm home." He flops back and slaps a hand over his heart. "I was having a nightmare that I was still on the bus and we crashed. I saw my apartment and for a second I thought I died and ended up here or something."

You chuckle softly. "No, you're not dead."

"How long was I out?"

"A few hours. I made food, probably enough for the week." You scoot over and take his feet onto your lap. "I'll stay the night if you want."

"Please? I've missed you. When you're around I feel normal, like I don't have to be someone that people expect me to be."

"Being on tour is that bad?"

He shrugs. "It gets to you after a while. Most days I'm fine, things are great. But then I start to shut down and spiral. It's...hard."

You pat his legs and sigh. "Well the tour is over. It's done and you're home and it's time to be Shawn again." You mutter softly to yourself. "My Shawn."

He sits up and smiles shyly. "Your Shawn? Are you trying to tell me something?"

"No, what, well...I guess?"

He pulls his feet off your lap and shifts around so he's sitting beside you, thigh pressed against yours. "You know that I'm down literally whenever you are. I'm off tour now and I've got some time we could...y'know...finally do this."

"I know...I just...I-"

"You're nervous."

"No, well yes, but that's not it." You let out a shaky breath. "I want to tell you something."

Shawn slides his hand over yours and threads your fingers together. "Anything."

You squeeze his hand tight, closing your eyes as if bracing for an impact. "I got the job."

"The job?"

"Think about it."

He pauses and suddenly it hits him. "The job! The producer gig! You're producing for Big Box records! When do you move out to LA? Are you gonna move? Oh my God I'm so proud of you!"

You grin big. "I actually have a proposal, um, you know how you got that place out there last year in Teddy's neighborhood?"

"Yeah, yes oh my God yeah you can stay there."

"Thank you, actually I mean that was part of my proposal but it wasn't all of it." You shake your head. "I shouldn't even bring this up. I wasn't going to say anything and it sort of came out. Nevermind. It's fine, thank you, I'd love to stay at your place out there."

"No no no no, hey, what's up? What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing, it's fine we'll talk tomorrow. You should sleep."

"I'm not going to sleep when you have my brain going a mile a minute now. Tell me, whatever it is, I can handle it."

You sigh. "I got the job because...because I said I could get you to consider signing with Big Box. They want you really bad and I know your contract is up in a few months and so do they. I'm sorry and I understand if you hate me, I just wanted this job so badly I used your name and I shouldn't have."

"No...no actually uh, I've been thinking about signing with a new label." He runs a hand over his hair and yawns. "There's been some things going on that I'm not comfortable with, some ideas being tossed around. I'd like to get out before it's too late, yknow?"

"Shawn you can't be serious."

"I am, I'm so serious. We've always been on the same wavelength. I'm not mad that you used my name to get a job, I told you that you could ages ago. I didn't expect this but it's fine. It's time, like I said I've got some concerns right now and I've voiced them and things aren't being done to change anything. Five years is enough, I've got ideas and a vision for my music and if I can find that in Big Box Records I will."

You pull your hand away from his. "This isn't a spur of the moment decision! You can't just jump in head first! What if-"

Shawn grabs your face and kisses you, lips pressed hard to yours. "I'll go wherever you go. I'm so tired of being alone it's killing me and you're the only person who I've ever loved that wasn't family. This is our moment, we've waited for three years for the right time. If this isn't it then I don't know what is. I promise I'll meet with the execs and I'll do the whole song and dance and jump through the hoops. If it works out then it works out with the label, if not then I'll do everything I can to help you find another job."

"Shawn..." You press your forehead to his and his eyes roll back for a moment as if he's fighting sleep. "What if we're not right for each other? What if this is a mistake?"

"Three years has been plenty of time for making mistakes. If we were going to fall apart it would have happened by now. If you're ready, I'm ready. Let's make this happen."

"It's a big deal...are you sure? Are you even awake enough?"

He cups your face in his callused hands and focuses on you as best he can. "I've been sure about two things in my life. Playing music and wanting to wake up with you every day. So I'm asking outright, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yeah," you laugh softly. "Yeah I will."

Shawn wraps his arms around you and pulls you on top of him as he lays back. "God I've waited forever for this."

"Not forever, only a few years." You fluff his hair. "You really need to get some more sleep. I know we're making big decisions here but you are going to lose your mind if you keep yourself awake any longer."

He closes his eyes and smiles. "I think I can finally rest."

"Mmm. Good." You kiss his nose and he scrunches it up before his face relaxes and you're sure he's passed out. "I love you bud, now go the fuck to sleep."

End

——————–

Thank you so much for reading. Please reblog and share if you read/enjoyed it. -A

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted fics.*****

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fan fiction #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes x y/n #shawn mendes story #shawn mendes words #shawn mendes fluff #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes series #shawn mendes writing

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carltonlassie · 3 years

Note

Thinkin about that one Psych episode that never got released from Season 8 episode 9.5 how Derek gets accidentally framed and accused of murder and Bagg is freaking out at the SBPD and Nick is like "it's not like you actually did it. Don't worry, we'll get through this together." LOL SO NICK hires Shawn and Gus to help him find the real murderer and they're so confused looking at Nick like, "You know D-Bagg? Isn't he a middle school gym coach? How did you even meet him?" and Conforth looks at the two suspiciously like, "how do YOU know so much about Derek?" *cue Psych intro music* and it comes back to such a long awkward pause between Nick and Shawn and Gus to the point that they give up with that conversation and start looking for clues (psychically ofc🤪) So Nick follows Shawn and Gus around all day and at some point they cross paths with Juliet and Lassie at the assumed murderer's house and LOL Lassie and Conforth keep making snarky jabs at each other until they raise fists at each other and Juliet is like ENOUGH 🥴 but when they go into the "murderer's" home, the person was killed so they go to Woody and AJHGJDSGAJHG out of all the things that happened to Nick that day, what surprised him most was when Woody said, "If D-Bagg ends up being a killer, you can always call me" and WINKS jhksahkdjshasd Conforth stares at him dumbfounded like "MY BOYFRIEND IS NOT A KILLER" and storms out 😵‍💫 HNG things aren't looking too good when Derek is in the interrogation room and ANSWERS THE QUESTIONS SO BADLY 😩😩LIKE HE'S INNOCENT BUT THE WAY HE PHRASES IT MAKES HIM SEEM GUILTY and Nick is behind the glass cursing at him in Italian and decides he's had enough of this and interrupts the interrogation when Lassie asks Derek "where were you the night of the murder?" and Bagg gives such a half assed vague responses and he's annoyed with Lassie's attitude towards him and responds "Sleeping alright? Look man, you got the wrong guy." AND NICK walks in and says without hesitation, "We were sleeping together that night, he's clear and WE'RE LEAVING" 🥴🥴 and Shawn and Gus fist bump it out and Lassie is still sitting there like "what the hell just happened?" And HNG cut to Derek and Nick walking down the beach holding hands and Derek admits how he wants Nick to be in his life and how he realized just how important Nick is to him and what he would do for him and this admission makes Conforth both lovestruck and bewildered AND THEN 😮😮😮😮DEREK PULLS OUT A RING AND SAYS "When I first laid my eyes on you, giving me a speeding ticket for going five miles per hour over the speed limit, I didn't expect to find love that day. Now I don't want to remember what it's like to be apart from you ever again. Will you marry me?" 😩😩 AND NICK'S SHOCKED WHEN DEREK GETS DOWN ON ONE KNEE BUT THE EPISODE ENDS BEFORE HE ANSWERS AND THE *outro song plays*

Anon………. do you know how vivid this entire message is that I can just translate it directly into a script without much effort. Someone send this to james and make this into an episode

#conbagg #asks #long post

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youllallriseintheink · 3 years

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Close Call

Okay, so this is going to be heavier than the stuff I usually write. If that’s not your cup of tea, don’t worry! I have something much more fun and visceral in the works and I plan on dropping it next Wednesday (nine days from now).

---

It was the early morning hours when Shawn returned home from a night of drinking like any other. He and Grant and Lacie had played cards, pool, and darts (the latter they'd played in such a state of intoxication that it was lucky they hadn't hurt anyone). Shawn was glad that Grant had showed up this time. They'd been dating for several months now and probably still were. It was hard to tell. Grant hadn't had the time or "hadn't been up" to going out anywhere in a month, and it had Shawn wondering if he'd just tapped out of the relationship. He had seemed worse for wear lately and of course things at Joey Drew Studios hadn't gotten easier on anyone, so maybe he wasn't lying. At very least, this night had been great, just like things had been before (well, before Grant left a bit early in tears. Sometimes booze just did that to him and he needed to sleep it off), so maybe everything was about to go back to normal. On that comforting note, Shawn dragged himself to bed.

Shawn was awoken by the ringing of his phone. The voice on the other side struck him with fear- it was Grant, and he sounded terrified.

"Shawn, get over here right now. I did something stupid. Please, come here. Help me."

"I'll be right there," Shawn promised.

The door to Grant's house was unlocked. The house was deafeningly silent.

"Grant?" Shawn called. Nothing. Shawn checked around the house. Once he came upon the bathroom, which reeked of alcohol and vomit, he knew he'd found the place. Clicking the lights on, he found his boyfriend passed out face-down on the floor, surrounded by empty or half-empty bottles of pills.

The next twenty minutes were an absolute blur, not helped by the substantial amount of alcohol still in Shawn's system. Shawn remembered calling an ambulance and waiting for it to arrive with his boyfriend unconscious in his arms. He remembered picking up two sheets of paper, which he'd vaguely identified as a suicide note, from the floor. He remembered crying, and panicking, and confusion. Soon enough, though, Shawn was being reassured by a paramedic that given how recently he'd consumed the pills, Grant would almost definitely make it.

The next day, Shawn took out the letter. It had clearly been written ahead of time, unless one of Grant's hidden talents was managing such neat handwriting while heavily drunk. Shawn wondered if that meant that Grant had planned to do this. Slowly, he forced himself to consume its contents, line by line.

If you are reading this letter, I am dead of suicide. I promised myself that I'd never do this. It's been a temptation at the back of my mind for long enough, however, that I thought I should get out what I would want to have out, just in case. I feel like if it ever does happen, it will be in a moment where I'm barely in control of myself.

The first thing I'm going to do is to write out why I promised myself I wouldn't. There are three reasons why. The first is because my mother is the kindest, most loving person in the world, and I know she'd be devastated if I killed myself. There's a good chance she'd end up dead of suicide as well in that situation, and I would never want to cause that. The second reason is for the light of my life, Emily. She has so much promise in her. She has my eyes, the curiousity I had when I was younger, and thankfully just a touch of my sensitivity. She loves me, and I'm trying to be the force for good in her life that my mother was in mine. I would never give her the pain of losing a parent, and I want to see her grow up. The third reason is that I have friends that make me happy, and days when I genuinely want to be alive. Sometimes it feels like life is drudgery, but that's when I most need to remember that it isn't always like that.

Unfortunately, because this will be written ahead of time, I won't be able to say what specifically caused me to go through with this. What I will say, though, is that my life feels like it's falling apart, even when it isn't. My worries about losing my job aren't completely unfounded, given that working at Joey Drew Studios is most often like bailing water out of a sinking ship. I don't know how realistic it is to believe that my career in this industry will be over after that, since I'll have two failed businesses on my record and nothing else. It's hard to tell when I'm being realistic and when I'm letting pessimism get the better of me. I worry constantly about losing the people in my life that make it tolerable, and I don't know if that's realistic either- whether they're getting sick of me or not. Sometimes, it feels like like life is a pointless struggle against the inevitable. I have better days and worse days of course, but, well, if I didn't feel like this a substantial amount of the time, I wouldn't be writing this letter.

Whoever it is that's reading this, you could not have prevented this, it is in no way your fault, and I'm sorry for putting you through it.

—-

There was a banging on Lacie's door. "Lacie! Lacie, open up!"

Lacie, groggy and still in her pyjamas, opened up. "What?"

"I need your advice. Badly."

Lacie could see how distressed he was. "Come on in."

A few minutes later, They were sitting across from each other in Lacie's living room, Shawn had explained what had happened the night before, and Lacie had read the note. It might have been a violation of privacy to show it to Lacie, but he needed her advice.

"Wow, that is serious. Is he okay?"

"Yeah, that's the way they made it sound. I'm going to see him as soon as there's visitin' hours. Just... what do I say to him after this?"

"I don't know."

"Well, if it were Abby what would you do?"

"Abby wouldn't put me in this situation." Lacie saw Shawn getting indignant. "Calm down, I'm not saying 'because she's so strong and he's so weak.' But we've been together for two years, we live together, and we're at the stage where we owe it to each other to look after ourselves and be honest if we're going through issues like this. So, yeah, she'd never catch me off guard like this. Clearly, you two aren't at that point, or at least he doesn't think you are. So, here's my advice: make sure he's getting professional help, and then ask yourself if this is the person you want a partnership with. Also, to temper your expectations: whatever his problem is, you can't solve it, it won't go away immediately, and it's ultimately his responsibility to fix it. If he won't be honest with you about stuff like this, you're under no obligation to help him with it. Honestly, if you do stick with him, chances are that nothing in your relationship will change and in a couple weeks this'll just be an awful memory."

"Well, that's a bunch of heartless nonsense. But you're probably right." Shawn honestly didn't know how to feel about any of it, but he felt like he had to say something. He didn't find it terribly useful since his problem wasn't that he didn't know whether to stay with Grant, it was that he didn't want him to die or to want to be dead.

Lacie shrugged. "I mean, I'm just an untrusting old sea hag. If all you want is dating, or if you honestly think a partnership with him is possible and a good idea, knock yourself out, I guess."

"Okay." Shawn got up to leave.

"Hey. Best of luck, Shawn. I'm always here for you. No matter what you choose to do, here."

—-

Grant was still asleep when Shawn was allowed in to see him, but there weren't any obvious signs of physical damage on him. Shawn gently shook him awake. "Hey... ah just wanted to check in and make sure everything was okay with you. Ya gave me quite a scare last night."

Grant turned to look at him. His movements suggested that he was feeling pretty weak from whatever he'd taken last night. "Oh. Hey, Shawn. According to the nurses, I'm fine. I have to stay a few more hours to get tested for organ damage, but that's it. What... happened last night? I remember I was with you for a while. How did I end up here?"

Oh, Shawn did not like this situation. He didn't like it at all. "How much do you remember?"

"I was drinking with you and Lacie for a while. And... I had a dream last night where I killed myself. But it had to have been a dream, see? I woke up for a minute and I felt you holding me. You must have come home with me after we went to the bar, right?"

"Oh, well, yes. That's what happened. But you... you got alcohol poisoning."

Relief rushed over Grant's face. "Thank God. That's all it was?"

"Yeah. You were trying to keep up with me shot for shot." Shawn gave Grant a little jab with his elbow in a sad attempt to act casual. "Ya really shouldn't do that. I'm a professional, after all."

Grant forced a smile. "Got it."

"Umm... listen, Grant? I love you, and I care about you, and you said some pretty concernin' things last night. Is there anything you need to talk about?"

"No, I'm okay. Sorry for worrying you."

"No. It's fine. Ya want company?"

"Honestly, I'm feeling pretty sick. Can we catch up another time?"

"Okay. See you then."

"Okay. I love you, Shawn."

Shawn got up and left. In the hallway, he dug the note out of his pocket and looked at it one last time, trying to wrack up the courage to go back and admit everything. Instead he crumpled it up and threw it away. Nothing had happened last night. Soon, Grant would go home, find the empty pill bottles on his bathroom floor, connect the dots, and knowing him, probably keep that revelation to himself. And that was okay, right? As Lacie said, it was his responsibility to take it as a wake-up call and deal with whatever it was that had made him do it. Lacie would think this was okay, right? Shawn hoped so. It felt so wrong.

#Bendy and the Ink Machine #shawn flynn #grant cohen #lacie benton #my fanfiction #tw suicide #just to be totally clear: I don't completely agree or disagree with Lacie. It's just what I thought she would think.#Also this isn't anti-grant x shawn at all- I like that ship #grant x shawn

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fansofcmpunk · 3 years

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Who I think in my opinion is the biggest Wrestle of all time in this Era is CM Punk and here's why;

"Please don't think I'm a dick or hater when I say this but really think about this, CM Punk is actually the biggest star period and here's why. When Punk was in WWE and was on Raw or whatever show he was on at that time, rather he was face or heel people still loved him because he was THAT GUY that said whatever the hell he wanted and didn't care how anyone felt about it or about him. He was the stone Steve Austin ( IN MY OPINION) of his Era. As for Roman Reigns he was a tough son of a bitch when he was with The Shield and when he was by himself, I'd admit he was huge too but the people wanted CM Punk because like I said Punk said and did what he wanted broke script so many times and people loved it because it made him that odd one out and no one could touch him. Not vince, not Triple H, damn sure wasn't Roman Reigns, WWE etc the list goes on. Punk was untouchable and nobody could surpass him. Also while in the WWE during the Era when Punk was the biggest star, he had faced the same WWE Superstars/Legends that Roman reigns is facing now and WWE FUCKED PUNK OVER EVERY SINGLE TIME! when he'd face somebody like; The Rock, Brock Lesnar, John Cena, The Undertaker, Batista, Triple H, Shawn Micheals etc They would make him lose, someone would jump in, Disqualification and shit Like what the fuck. They never let Punk beat any of them fair and square, like Roman reigns has. Didn't matter if the WWE UNIVERSE loved Punk, WWE DID NOT LIKE PUNK and they made that loud and clear. If it wasn't for Paul Haymen, CM Punk wouldn't even be thought the fuck of, If it wasn't for CM Punk being real and breaking character every time he was miss treated by WWE, He wouldn't be the biggest superstar ever. Also, If wasn't for Punk leaving because of his injury that would have killed him if he didn't take care of it because we all know WWE didn't give a shit about him and miss treated him badly, ROMAN REIGNS would not be the star that he is now. When Punk left, WWE had to push ROMAN REIGNS. WWE Liked certain wrestlers and Roman reigns was on that list, Punk? Never. CM Punk IS, WILL AND ALWAYS BE THE BIGGEST WRESTLER IN HISTORY after Stone Cold :) PS: If they do do Roman Reigns vs The Rock at Wrestlemania I would love to see on AEW One Time Only CM Punk vs Stone Cold Steve Austin on AEW's Biggest PPV" . Just a thought.

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mikrowrites · 4 years

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just an act (two)

Shawn Mendes x Reader

Shawn feels as though his life is falling apart, so he attempts to try and reach out to Y/N before it’s too late.

The song is “you should be sad” by Halsey!

If you want the full hurt of this story, I suggest listening to it on loop while reading this chapter xx

Shawn wanted to pick her.

A thousand times over, he would’ve said Y/N’s name and found her and consoled her, but he couldn’t. And he hated himself for that.

His contract was strict. Convince fans and the world, even his own damn family that Shawn and Camila were dating, to promote Señorita and get a Grammy win. But he was so fucking tired, and he loved Y/N so much.

Shawn watched Y/N walk out of the ice rink, how strongly and gracefully she walked out of his life. He felt Camila’s hand squeeze his tighter, Shawn turning to see his PR girlfriend on the verge of tears. Camila and Y/N were close friends, this had to be killing her too.

He wanted to run after her, convince her to stay, to explain the contract and win her back. But Shawn feared the damage was done.

——————

Y/N let her fingers softly strum against her guitar, sitting in her lonely hotel room. The acoustic was bequeathed to her by Shawn, and when Karen had brought it to her last night she couldn’t bring herself to part with it.

She began to strum a familiar tune, her voice finally crawling up and out of her throat.

I wanna start this out and say

I gotta get it off my chest

Got no anger, got no malice

Just a little bit of regret

Know nobody else will tell you

So there's some things I gotta say

Gonna jot it down and then get it out

And then I'll be on my way

Y/N began to strum the strings harder, letting the chords dig into her fingertips and her whole body began to shake.

Oh, I feel so sorry

I feel so sad

I tried to help you

It just made you mad

And I had no warnin'

About who you are

I'm just glad I made it out without breakin' down

And then ran so fuckin' far

That you would never ever touch me again

Y/N screamed out the last lyric, her voice cracking in the end as she dissolved into sobs, gripping the fret tighter. Tears hit the wood with a soft thump.

She let her head bow over, broken sobs wracking her body. She let the grief and heartbreak consume her one final time as she stared out her wide hotel room window at the nighttime Toronto skyline.

After ten minutes her tears dried, Y/N running her hand along the smooth mahongany of the guitar, before lifting it and gently setting it in its hard plastic case, snapping it closed.

To Y/N, it felt like a burial.

——————

Morning broke in Pickering, Shawn shuffling downstairs, exhausted. He couldn’t sleep all night, much less close his eyes without seeing Y/N. He wished he had know how badly this would hurt, he never would’ve signed that goddamn contract.

Manuel and Karen fluttered about the kitchen, Karen washing fruit as Manny cooked eggs. Aaliyah was setting the table and at the sight of Shawn, she glared and slammed the last fork on the table, leaving the room.

His parents looked up at the sound, but once watching the scene unfold they silently went back to their duties.

Shawn felt a lump grow in his throat, turning and rushing up the stairs. He burst into his childhood room, Camila yawning as she sat up in bed. He had been sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor, refusing to share the bed with her.

“Shawn? What’s going on?” Camila drowsily asked.

“We need to tell my parents.” Shawn insisted. “We need to break this contract.”

Camila sat up, the sleepiness leaving her senses. “I hate this as much as you do, but Shawn... you’re asking me to put my career on the line.”

“I’ll let you come out spotless,” Shawn pleaded, stepping forwards to the end of the bed. “Mendes’ aren’t snitches.”

“Well, you’re about to become one.” Camila sighed, throwing her legs over the bed. “Let’s do it.”

——————

Y/N threw her backpack over her shoulder, hoisting the straps up upon her frame as she lifted up the guitar case. She graciously thanked the receptionist, walking out of the hotel lobby.

As her taxi maneuvered Toronto traffic, Y/N became lost in her thoughts, watching the buildings for the last time.

She smiled at the sight of the coffee shop where Shawn and herself had their first date.

Chuckled seeing the street corner where they first met, when Shawn had found her busking to pay rent.

Stared dreamily looking at the bookstore where they sat for hours, reading (but really catching glimpses over the books).

Y/N was shaken out of her memories by the familiar tune of “Perfectly Wrong” playing on the radio. Ironic, Y/N grumbled in her head.

“Excuse me, could you please change the radio? I’m very sorry...” Y/N mumbled to the driver, who let out a huff but changed it nonetheless.

“Thank you...” Y/N sighed, “Bad breakup.”

The driver looked over their shoulder, their frown loosening. “That sucks kid. Sorry.”

Y/N smiled tightly, looking out the window.

“My girlfriend cheated on me,” the driver continued, Y/N perking up, “and I had to find out by them fucking in my own bed. I was destroyed, and it hurt for a while, but then I found my wife. Thing’s’ll get better. I can tell you that much.”

Y/N finally smiled, genuinely.

“I hope so.”

——————

Shawn and Camila sat across the table from the Mendes family, the boy nervously rubbing his hands. “Before we actually have this conversation, anything that happens, leave Camila’s name out of this. Please. We’re risking a lot, but I’ve already lost too much.”

The family hesitantly shook their heads yes, Shawn running a hand through his hair as he stumbled for words to find out how to start.

“My agent and producer gave me a contract,” Camila spoke up, Shawn whipping his head to her. “Shawn’s agent and producer were present too, he was given the same paperwork. They insisted we pursue a PR romantic relationship to promote our new single.”

“They threatened to leave a stain on our record, that we could be removed from the label if we denyed. We were jumped, and we were terrified.” Shawn continued. “So we signed the contract, because we love to sing, to perform. We signed, because we were scared of what would happen if we didn’t.”

Karen had tears welling within her eyes, Manuel’s face softening.

Aaliyah finally spoke up. “So that kiss...” she trailed off.

“Meant nothing at all.” Camila reassured. “But it cost us the most important thing in our lives.”

“Y/N.” Aaliyah murmured. Suddenly she stood, her chair pushing away with a creak. “You have to go win her back!”

“Liyah...” Manuel began, the girl cutting her off.

“No, you have to! You two were meant to be with each other, you need to stop her from leaving!” Aaliyah cried out.

Karen blinked away the moisture from her eyes, shaking her head. “Honey, that’s—“

“I have to go win her back.” Shawn nodded, looking up at his family and Camila. “I have to go win her back!” He shouted, bursting up as he grabbed his keys, placing a ballcap and sunglasses on his face. Shawn turned to look at Camila, who nervously smiled.

“Go get our girl.”

——————

Y/N sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs outside her gate, the airport chatter dulled by her earbuds. The same song looped through her ears, somehow strangely giving her strength.

But you're not half the man you think that you are

And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, girls and cars

I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you

'Cause you can't love nothin' unless there's somethin' in it for you

Y/N took a bite of her toasted bagel, longing for her guitar that was being loaded onto the plane. She longed to go home, where her mother would say “told you so” and she could finally have some peace.

Shawn never came to (hometown/nearest city), not unless he had a concert. Never attempted to get to know Y/N’s home like she had Pickering and Toronto.

She shook her head, throwing the rest of her bagel away and standing as her boarding class was called, shouldering her backpack.

After a long wait in line, maybe ten or so minutes, Y/N finally reached the front. The flight attendant looked up, her eyes growing wide. “Oh my goodness! You’re Y/N L/N!”

Y/N smiled in surprise. “Oh, um, yes! Guilty!”

“Oh, my daughter loves your Spotify singles! She’s your biggest fan!” The woman excitedly gushed, Y/N giggling. She was a very small singer, not even a part of a label, and meeting fans was a rarity.

“I’m honored, ma’am.” Y/N smiled politely.

“Could I snap a quick photo with you? My little girl will freak!” Y/N nodded, leaning over the desk to the woman as she snapped a photo.

Y/N’s grin fell as she noticed a familiar figure running in the background of the phone screen. She turned, freezing as 30 feet away Shawn stopped in his tracks, panting heavily. She could see past his hoodie, hat, and sunglasses, the incognito look was never very stealthy.

“Is—is that Shawn Mendes?! Oh sweet Jesus, I’m having a stroke!” The flight attendant cried.

The two didn’t move a muscle for many seconds. Shawn took a few steps forward cautiously, gauging her reaction.

Y/N broke into a run, dropping her backpack and racing up to Shawn, throwing her arms around him. He staggered backwards, wrapping his own long arms around her, clutching the back of her head with one of his hands. The two embraced each other deeply, letting go of heartbreak, fighting for another chance.

At least, that’s what happened in Y/N’s head.

She instead hardened her face into a glare, turning her back to him. Y/N scanned her ticket, and without another glance walked past the gate, towards her plane and to home.

Shawn’s shoulders slumped, the man feeling the weigh of everything crash down on him. He stumbled backwards, his whole body shaking as he quickly turned, rushing for a bathroom.

Once finding a men’s room, he ran inside, locking himself in a stall and ripping off his hat, his breaths growing ragged and hard, as if he were drowning in air.

Shawn sank to his knees, grasping his curly hair with his fingers as he slid down the wall onto the dirty tiled floor, tears cascading down his face.

Shawn wanted to rip up that fucking contract, destroy his reputation. He wanted to scream it from the rooftops, loud enough she’d hear, loud enough the whole world would hear.

It was all just an act.

To be continued in part 3...

#shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes reader insert #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagines #camila cabello x shawn mendes

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princecharmingmendes · 4 years

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Valentine's Day | Raul Mendes

"When you think you're going to be alone on Valentine's Day, your friend with benefits simply shows up and takes you away on a surprise road trip, the only problem is that you and Raul swore that no feelings were allowed, and it gets harder every second that passes by to keep that promise"

Shawn | Peter

*I'm so incredibly sorry I took so long to finish this, but here it is, the last part of the Valentine's Day triplets "collection/series", hope you enjoy it!

*Word Count: 7.3K+

*Warnings: cursing, a lil bit of angst, haunted house content and clowns (just in case).

*Posted: February 24th, 2020.

-*-

The “v” day. I think I can say that for most people I know, or you’re so excited to spend it with your loved one or mostly bitter cause you’re so single it hurts/ dreaming about the perfect day, there are obviously exceptions, but this are pretty accurate. I’m pretty much in the second category. I had flings and untitled relationships before, but never had the chance to actually do all of those cliche things, like go on a fancy dinner or have a chill date at home on sweats and fuzzy socks, never got flowers at school/work, cute messages and chocolates. I didn’t even wanted expensive gifts and flash mobs on Times Square, just wanted to feel loved and cared for by someone that’s not my parents and friends. And this is year it’s not going to be different.

I’m technically single, I just have a fuck buddy and he’s not taking me out on a romantic stride through the park. I mean, Raul’s not that type of guy, at least didn’t show me any signs. We met through Peter since I’ve been working on the same place as him for a few years now and since then we had an agreement, no feelings allowed, only sex. He works a lot and all the time he has, he likes to dedicate to his family, for me was awesome for the same reason, I focused so much on studying and working that I had no time left for a serious relationship, so this seemed perfect at the time. The only problem was the “no feelings allowed rules”, I fucked that up pretty badly.

At the beginning wasn’t hard, we would meet at his place or mine, have sex and the other would leave as soon as possible, and it was great, he might seem as a cold person but he’s a really great lover. The problem started when he came to my place at a particular hard day at work and I insisted on him opening up, that I was there for him. We ended up not doing nothing besides cuddling and he stood the night, and from that things changed drastically. He started asking me to stay the night, we would randomly go out to eat and we would talk a lot. Raul understood where I was and so did I, he tended on shutting people out cause he didn’t want so seem fragile but deep down he’s softer than Peter, he just showed that rarely and to his family, the reason? Trusted and loved the wrong person, and I wasn’t very far from that.

The problem? I fell for him and he didn’t. Not that I asked or anything, I just knew, he would always shut me off when we got too close and he kept saying that this situations between us was perfect the way it is, and he’s really grateful that he has me on his life and that understand his needs. So yeah, not admitting that I actually do have feelings for him and screw this up, I’d rather have him like this than not at all. That’s why I’m sitting on my living room one day before valentine’s day, considering leaving tomorrow after work to my grandparent’s ranch or the beach. That’s why I almost had a stroke when my phone started ringing, Raul’s name lighting up the screen.

“Uh, hey... everything okay?”

“Oh, hey, darling, are you busy?”

“Not really” I said scrolling down the site for plane tickets just in case I wanted to go somewhere else “I just wasn’t expect any calls”

“Oh, sorry, what’re doing tomorrow?” he asked and my heart dropped.

“Tomorrow?! Nothing?! Normal Friday stuff, maybe go away for the weekend, why?”

“It’s valentine’s day!”

“I know, that’s why I’m leaving” I said chuckling.

“Oh... do you have anything planned specifically or bought?”

“Like plane tickets?”

“Yeah”

“No, I’m going through options right now, any suggestions?”

“I actually do”

“Oh, okay, I’m listening”

“Why don’t you come with me on a trip?”

“Hm... what?”

“Oh, come on, I know you hate this day and probably will be stressing yourself if you stay at your home alone” he said and suddenly U couldn’t breath.

I told Raul once that I didn’t like this date in particular, too many expectations were broken on this day, spent a lot of v-days crying or moody cause some stupid boy didn’t think I was good enough. I didn’t expect him to care enough to remember.

“What are you talking about, Raul?”

“I... do you want to go with me on a road trip?”

“Don’t you have shifts to cover or things to do?”

“No, got my schedule clear in caw you wanted to go out with me”

“Oh... but I...”

“You’re the boss on your section” he said cutting me out “and I talked to Peter, he’s going to cover for you”

“Hm... I...”

“Stop trying to find excuses, princess, c’mon, let me take you on an adventure”

“An adventure?”

“Yeah, what do you say about camping? You told me you never camped before”

“Oh, you remember?”

“Of course... so, what do you say?”

“Okay, I guess I don’t have a choice”

“Mhmmm, you’re right, so... can I pick you up at seven?”

“When are we coming back?”

“Sunday after lunch”

“Okay, okay, seven it is”

“Great! I gotta go now, but I’ll pick you up tomorrow”

“Do I need to take something specific?”

“Oh, yeah, it gets cold, but we’re staying in a cabin, so it’s not going to be that bad and I’ll be there, ooh, and please don’t forget that pretty lace baby blue set you bought last Sunday, I assure you you’re not going to regret it”

“Fuck you” I said chuckling and he giggled.

“I gotta go now, princess, text me if you need help with anything”

“Okay, bye, Raul”

“Bye, baby” he said hanging up.

Baby?! What was that?

-*-

I swear that I tried to keep calm and not read too much into it, but it was impossible. Why did he invited me out on Valentine’s day? How he remembers that stuff I told him?! Why does he care?! It’s impossible not to feel anything.

I couldn’t sleep at all, I spent the whole night playing possible scenarios in my head and checking every single thing that was on my bag. When the alarm rang in the morning, I felt like I was about to die, out of excitement or out of lack of sleep. But I got up and started getting ready for the day, I opted for almost no makeup, hair in a messy bun and comfy clothes that still looked cute, just in case. At seven I was already on the lobby of my building waiting for him, and when I saw his jeep parking right in front I almost died. Raul got out of the car and waved at me, so I walked to him, only to be squeezed in his huge arms in a bear hug.

“Happy valentine’s day” he said in a playful tone.

“Haha, very funny, mister cupid”

“What?”

“Well, you helped both of your brothers on V day”

“Oh yeah, true, so... excited?”

“Yep”

“Great, so am I, can we start this weekend?”

“Sure” I said and he kissed my cheek softly, leaning down and grabbing my small suitcase from me and putting it on his trunk, walking to the passenger’s door and opening it for me.

My heart stopped when I saw a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers on the seat and I froze.

“You told me you liked sunflowers” he mumbled with his hand gently placed on my lower back.

“I did” I said barely louder than a whisper and looked up at him “why?”

“You said you never... you’ve never received flowers before... and I thought maybe you’d like it” he said looking away and scratching the back of his neck with his free hand, a slight blush raising up his cheek.

“I liked it, just didn’t expect it” I said and he looked down at me, I stepped on my tip toes and kissed his cheek.

He pressed me tighter against his chest and wrapped the arm that was already on me around my middle, keeping me close to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his neck for support as he deepened the kiss a bit more.

“Good morning” he said in a deeper voice and with a smirk laced on his features, but his eyes were still soft.

“Morning” I said chuckling “can I get in the car?”

“Oh, sure” he said giggling and letting go of me.

I hopped on his car as he went to get in on his side, quickly leaving his spot and driving to I don’t know where. He started driving away and turned up the radio, humming to the song lightly and placing his hand on my thigh. Right there, I felt my heart on my throat and I couldn’t breath for a second. He can’t do that and expect me not to fall for him, I mean, that’s fucking impossible, how could you not?

An hour later, he stopped at a diner in the middle of the road and got out of the car, and I was so distracted, lost on my own thoughts, that I didn’t notice him coming by my side and opening the door for me. He chuckled at my wide eyes and little shocked noise while he helped me out. He picked a table at the corner of the place and sat down beside me.

“So... what is your kidnapping plan?”

“Well... I though that we should have breakfast first and I love the food in here”

“Great start” I said and he giggled.

“Thanks, princess, then we’ll go to the campsite for you to get to know the place and get settled in our cabin, and then... well, it is supposed to be a surprise”

“More surprises?”

“Do you want me to ruin it?”

“I... yeah?” I answered and he chuckled.

“I’m taking you to a carnival that’s near the place we’re staying... you also said you missed this kind of things”

“If I didn’t know you, I’d say you’re after my heart, Mendes”

“I might be” he said winking at me and giggling.

Poor thing, didn’t even know that his sort of joke almost killed me every single time.

-*-

Around 1 pm we decided it was time to go, after all I was starving, we’ve been walking since we got here. The place was breathtaking, there were so many beautiful views, but nothing will beat the lake that’s actually kinda close to our cabin, that’s absolutely adorable. It really seems like a dream come true. We spent a lot of time talking and he told me he’s so happy that his brothers are finally in a relationship that’s healthy and apparently going to last a long time, but he said he also felt kind of empty, since even his baby sister had a boyfriend. Quickly we changed the subject cause it was getting a little bit emotional, I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with his soft and fragile side without saying how I feel, so I’d rather avoid it, even though it seems kind of selfish.

The ride was not too long and very pleasant. Raul knows how to have a good time and he also makes sure everyone around him, at least that he cares about, feel the same way. He parked perfectly and smoothly, and when I hoped out of the car, he had a cocky grin on his face that he just justified as ‘you looked amazed by parking skills’ and I decided not to say the opposite to avoid a fight. He can be very competitive in everything. He bought our tickets and we got in, practically sprinting to find something to eat, at least I was starving.

After a whole bunch of food and his predictable not so funny jokes, we finally started taking a look around to decide where we would go first. We decided to go to the craziest rides first so we wouldn’t get the worst lines since people were eating or didn’t arrive yet. After that, I decided I wanted to get a henna tattoo on my forearm like I did so many times as a kid. Raul was patiently sitting beside me with his tattooed arms showing and attracting many curious looks from kids and other type of curious from some giggling teenage girls and even grown up women.

“Hi” the little voice sounded from behind us and we turned around to see a little girl standing there, holding a backpack.

“Hey, are you lost?”

“No, sir, mommy’s right there” she pointing to a woman standing beside the line on her phone.

“Okay... how can I help you, missy?” he asked with the softest look on his face.

“Did you got all of those with her?” she asked pointing to the girl that was currently drawing on my skin.

“I did not, these are from a few months ago”

“But why don’t they have any color?”

“I think they were out of ink” Raul said and the girl seemed to be thinking about the possibility.

“Can I make them prettier?”

“Of course, how’d you do it?”

“I have some markers, can I paint them?”

“Yes!” he said offering his right arm to her and she grinned big, showing of her missing tooth right in the middle.

She grabbed in her little backpack a pencil case and revealed more than what seemed like a thousand markers, so she started going through the colors and picking a bright pink one, starting to fill Raul’s tattoos with the girly shade. Raul has a beautiful smile gracing his features as he looked so intently at her artwork, her little tongue poking out between her lips in concentration, the scene was absolutely adorable, so cute it was starting to hurt physically.

“Is the pretty girl your girlfriend?” she asked as she was picking out another shade.

“Her?” he asked pointing at me with his free hand.

“Yes, is she your princess?”

“She is, she’s my girl” Raul said as he looked at me, making me blush furiously.

“Helen! What are you doing?? I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry” the woman the little girl pointed earlier as her mom got closer and grabbed her backpack.

“It’s okay, she said she could make them prettier, I really don’t mind” Raul said smiling at Helen and she smiled at him.

“They are prettier, right?” Helen said.

“They are so much better, thank you, Helen” Raul said.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry” Her mom said holding her tiny hand “we gotta go now, your dad is waiting, say thank you to the couple and say goodbye”

“Thank you, princess, thank you...”

“Raul” he said smiling at her.

“Thank you Raul, bye bye” she said waving.

“Bye” I said smiling.

“Thank you again, and I’m sorry, have a nice day” her mom said and walked away with her.

“She’s cute”

“She is”

“You do this a lot?”

“What?”

“Let random kids draw in your arms?” I asked playfully.

“Actually I do”

“Really?”

��Yeah, sometimes at the hospital, when they’re too sad I kinda feel like I should do anything to help, you know? I mean, it sucks for us to be there, now imagine for a little kid”

“That’s actually really sweet, but I should’ve guessed it”

“Why?”

“Remember when I asked you if you could see my friend’s son? Julia’s son?”

“Wait... yeah, Lucas right?”

“Mhmmm, let’s say you made a good impression and not only by your looks”

“So you’re saying I’m attractive?”

“I wasn’t... but I also can’t deny, anyway...”

“Why are you blushing?” he asked with a boyish smirk.

“Am not”

“Yes you are! You look so red it seems like you’re ‘bout to explode”

“Fuck you!”

“Language, princess, there are kids nearby”

“Anyway! As I was saying... she couldn’t shut up about how good you were with her son, how dedicated and sweet, and she was also drooling over your appearance”

“I wouldn’t blame her” he said winking at me.

“Your charm doesn’t work on me”

“I doubt that” he said leaning closer to me slowly, eyes trailed on my lips.

“You shouldn’t, I’m imune to you and your tricks”

“That’s a lie” he said lower and I could literally feel his breath on my lips.

“It’s not”

“Oh it is, princess, and I can prove it to you” he said brushing our lips together.

“All done here” the girl drawing on my skin said stopping me from giving in.

“Thanks” I said getting up and checking her drawing.

It was a beautiful drawing of a Lily, my grandfather’s favorite flower.

“Hey! I love lilies” okay, I wasn’t expecting Raul saying that.

“So does grandpa”

“Cute” he said placing a strand of hair that fell form my bun behind my ear “ and oh... by the way, I’ll prove it to you later” he said before placing a quick kiss on the spot behind my ear that always made me weak on the knees for him “we should get some ice cream or something, at least it’s dried, don’t want to ruin her artwork”

“You’re probably right” I said cleaning my throat.

“Would you ever get a real one?”

“What? A tattoo? I’ve wanted one for a while but never got the guts to do it”

“I can take you if you want”

“Really?”

“Yeah... how about next weekend?”

“Yeah, I can do that”

“I can’t believe you’re actually going to have a tattoo, can’t wait to see that, princess” he said wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

-*-

We spent pretty much the whole day going to those attractions and I have to be honest, I was having the time of my life. He’s been treating me like a princess and doing all of these cheesy couple-ish things, and even though that’s all I’ve been dreaming of recently, this is also making me feel like we could be more than what we are, but I also have to keep in mind that this isn’t happening and I could almost feel my heart breaking. He’s just so sweet and so funny, and this feels like a date all the time, even though I know this is just so I don’t feel miserable, but at the same time... Ugh, I don’t know, this is just confusing.

Currently we were sitting by a food truck eating ice cream, and I couldn’t stop myself from watching all of his features closely, letting the imagine sink on my brain. He looked so soft with a pink and baby blue ice cream cone as the sunset light his his face on the right places, making me feel something fluttering inside of me. We were talking about the most random topics possible, but he was cut mid sentence and I just stood there staring at him, waiting for him to continue.

“Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah... it’s just that there’s something in your face”

“Oh” I said rubbing my cheek “there?”

“No, let me just...” the phrase trailed it off as got closer and tried to wipe my face with his thumb, and I swear my breath got caught in my throat. His thumb gently whipped my face and he sucked it clean, and I simply couldn’t stop starring “there you go”

“Thank you” I mumbled softly still too caught up on his hazel eyes.

“What do you want to do now?”

“Haunted house?” was the first thing that popped in my mind that wasn’t too flirtatious.

“How old are you? Three?!”

“No, just think it’s a fun thing to do”

“You can go, I’ll wait here”

“Are you scared, Mendes?”

“No, just don’t like it”

“Why?”

“I just don’t see the hype on it”

“It’s pretty cool, c’mon”

“Fine, only if our last attraction is the ferris wheel”

“Really?” I asked biting my lower lip.

“What? Afraid of heights, princess?”

Not really, just scared of being completely heartbroken on valentine’s day.

“Naaah, you’re the one scared here’s thought you’re tough, Raul”

“I am” He said straightening his posture to seem bigger than he already is.

“Cut the act, if you’re not afraid of it you’re going with me”

“Fine, but you’ll come with me to the ferris wheel then”

“Okay, deal, now let’s go” I said getting up and grabbing his arm.

“What? Now?”

“Yeah, you promised me marshmallows and a campfire”

“Okay, let’s do it then” he said getting up as well and grabbing my hand.

We went to the line that wasn’t really that big and from the corner of my eye I saw Raul bouncing on his feet. It was pretty hilarious seeing a guy this big, who dealt with a lot worse situations on a hospital as pediatric surgeon, with a bunch of tattoos (a few colored with pink ink by Helen) and piercings, nervous about a hunted house made for teens.

“Raul... if you don’t want to go... it’s”

“I’m going” he said cutting me off and looking at me.

“Okay, okay, good, cause we’re next”

He took a deep breath and pulled me into the house. It was a classic hunted house at the beginning, with some stuff jumping at us and screaming, it was fine. But as we got deeper into the space, things started getting a little bit scarier. It was no longer machines, but people with really great makeup on actually starting to follow us around, making us actually run through the rooms like our life’s actually depended on it. I was actually having fun, giggling through the process until one of the last rooms. We got in and it was all dark, with only one light in the middle of the room that was pretty low. I could hear water running somewhere and there were a bunch of piles that I couldn’t recognize, and that was all the noise and shapes I could actually see.

“What do you think this is?” I whispered to Raul who was standing behind me with one of his hands on my waist.

“I don’t know, princess, but it’s oddly familiar” he said pulling me closer to him.

“Yeah, I think it’s from...” my sentence was cut in half as that song started playing and the light lit up enough to see a pile of ‘bodies’ laying around.

It was the classical scene from ‘It’ in the swell. When I looked to one of the corners, there he was, someone dressed as Pennywise smiling wickedly at us and I felt my heart stop. When I was younger, I was so damn afraid of clowns, but as I grew older, I thought that fear was gone, I haven’t been scared for ages and I don’t what it was, but this was the creepiest things I’ve ever seen. I guess Raul sensed that I wasn’t okay and grabbed my hand, dragging me out of the house before anything could happen. He gently sat me down on a bench that was behind the house and offered me his water bottle, that I gladly took and chugged it down.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly as he crouched down to be on my eye level.

“Yeah, just got a little...”

“I know” he said holding my hand and kissing my knuckles.

“I’m better now”

“Sure?” he asked and I just nodded “wanna go see if we can get a huge teddy bear?”

“Why?”

“It’s valentine’s day, princess, I think you deserve it”

“Okay, then” I said smiling and getting up.

Raul took the opportunity to place his hand on my lower back, slowly trailing down to end up on my back pocket, giving me the opportunity to stop him. That’s one of the things that always makes my heart beat a little faster. He’s known for his one nights stands and temper, but very few people know he’s actually a really selfless lover and always makes sure the other is extremely comfortable with everything that’s going on, and he can also be extremely sweet if he wants too. And that’s the problem, he rarely shows this side of his to people, so that’s why no one knows what he’s really like.

We went to a tent where we had to drop as many cans as possible to reach to the huge bear, with ping pong balls. The guy said we could make a pair and try it, but no one got the teddy bear yet. I think Raul felt challenged and said we could do it without blinking, he payed and turned to me, placing the bucket with balls in front of us. The guy started the timer and we started shooting as much as we could, throwing three balls at once and it was simply impossible to drop on of the cans specifically, even though we hit it a bunch of times. The guy announced time was off and that we didn’t make it, with a cocky grin on his face.

“There’s something wrong with that can, we shot it a million times, you’re fooling everyone” Raul said.

“Sorry you couldn’t impress your date, maybe you should find someone who could actually drop a few cans”

“I could if you didn’t glue it or something, and she’s not a date, she’s my girl” he said playing with his rings, which meant he was nervous.

“Yeah? Prove it, pretty boy”

“Look...” Raul started saying but I placed my hands gently on his chest and his voice died on his throat.

“Let me just see if I get it” I said turning my head to the guy from the tent and batting my lashes at him “all I have to do is drop all the cans with the bucket we gave to us, right?”

“If you want the teddy bear, then that’s it, but you can pick the prize from the last round”

“Okay, can I play again and then pick the prizes?” I asked as sweetly as I could.

“Sure, ma’am”

“We’re not going to play again” Raul said looking straight at the dude.

“Please” I asked turning my face to him and rubbing his chest gently “just trust me” I asked pouting and he sighed, nodding.

“Fine”

I smiled at him and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, making him grin.

“Ready?” I asked Raul as we got back to our places and he nodded “go!”

We started throwing everything again and dropping all of them again, and as I imagined, the same can didn’t seem to even move even though we kept throwing all the balls on it. I suddenly grabbed the metal bucket and threw everything and was on it on the floor, throwing the bucket itself and finally dropping the last can. I turned to both of them smiling widely and they stared at me in shock, Raul’s face quickly turning into a boyish grin and the guy seemed angry.

“That’s not valid, I said...”

“You said that I had to drop all the cans only with the material you provided me, I’m pretty sure you gave me the fucking bear and that cute set of pillow of ‘Mr. Right’ and ‘Mrs. Always Right’”

“No fucking way, you can’t...” the guy started but Raul grabbed him by the colar.

“Give her what she asked for, you’re the little shit here who cheated on the first place, now, the fucking bear” Raul said in a raspy voice that almost had me and the guy both fainting, but for very different reasons.

“Okay” he said grabbing both of the requested items and giving it to us.

“Ferris wheel?”

“Do we really need to go?”

“Yeah, I went to that haunted thing, you’re coming with me”

“Fine” I said and went to wait in line while he placed the bear and pillows on his trunk.

The line was a little longer than usual, sunset was starting so it would be a pretty view when you hit the top. Raul has his arm around my shoulder as soon as he got in it with me, we had a casual chatter until it was our turn to hop on the seats. He placed my legs over his lap, keeping a hand on my thigh as the other one held my hand. There was a pleasant breeze hitting us and I payed my head on his shoulder as the attraction started working. I could easily picture us as a real thing when he acted like that, so soft and sweet, without the whole sex part of our relationship’, but unfortunately I had to remind myself every time that this was just that, nothing less and nothing more.

“You’re gorgeous” I heard his raspy and low voice and turned to face him.

“You are too” I said as I felt the blush rising on my cheeks.

“And cute” he said chuckling and turning a little bit sideways, so I was still comfortable with my legs above his, but he could pull me closer and keep his arm on the backrest of the seat “do you ever wonder about the future?”

“Hm, yeah, I want to be able to still live in Toronto, but also would like to expand my job a bit more”

“No, I know that... I was asking about your personal life, I love to hear about your job but that’s all you seem to talk about”

“Well, that’s all I think about”

“Don’t you think about a serious relationship or settling down?”

“Sometimes, I just try not to focus too much on it... you?”

“Me?” he asked and looked straight ahead, giving me the opportunity to analise his face better with the orange and pink glow lighting up his greek god like features “I’ve never really thought about it, at least not since my last girlfriend... I mean, I know I’d love to be a dad and getting up to do pancakes on a Sunday and all that cute shit, I just thought for a long while that I wasn’t ready for that yet”

“She didn’t deserve you” I spilled it out before I could hold it back and he just chuckled looking at me through the corner of his eye.

“I wasn’t the best boyfriend”

“That’s a lie and everyone knows it except you, Raul” I said and he just shrugged “I’m serious, I’m not your girlfriend and you did all of these little things for me, I can’t even imagine what you did for her, and... are you even listening?” I asked as I noticed that he was staring at me but his mind was somewhere else.

“I’m sorry” he mumbled cupping my face gently with one hand “it’s just... you look so good right now, I just keep getting lost in your eyes”

“Any girl would be lucky to have you, or to call you hers”

“It’s a shame they can’t though” his gaze kept falling to my lips as he spoke.

“At least they get to kiss you”

“Hmm no, they don’t, but you do” he said softly as he crashed our lips together on a tender kiss, the ferris wheel on top, just like those cliche movies I like to say I hate but at the end of the day I’m always watching them and crying my eyes out.

His hand on my face kept lightly caressing my cheek with his thumb as the other pulled me closer by my waist, placing me practically on his lap. I threaded my fingers on his chocolate locks and moved without breaking the kiss to actually sit on his lap, earning a little strangled moan from him. His lips were moving in sync with mine in a way I haven’t felt before. It was obviously filled with desire and passion, but at the same time was loving and like he had all the time in the world to kiss me, deepening it slowly, letting his hand on my leg trail and gently squeeze my thigh.

It was vicious kissing him and I couldn’t stop myself from getting lost in all the sensations he was providing. I could feel him everywhere -on my tongue, on my lips, on my cheeks, on my sides, on the back of my neck, under me; his scent was all I could smell and he was all I could taste. The only sounds I was able to hear were the soft ones we couldn’t hold back and my heart beating wildly in my ears. It’s like my mind went completely blank and I swear I never felt this way by only kissing him or anyone without second intentions. Even though it was passionate, it wasn’t with sexual intentions, it was something much deeper than that.

He pulled back for air after what felt like a lifetime but not enough time altogether, but his hands didn’t let me go anywhere, not that I actually wanted to. He rested his forehead in mine as we caught our breaths, the two of us grinning like idiots as the wheel started going down. He placed a chaste kiss on my lips one more time and just stared into my eyes, like he could see my soul.

“I wasn’t going to talk to you about it today but....” he mumbled softly, his voice deep and with the raspy tone I love way too much “...when you asked me about the future, I said and still try to say that I’m not ready yet and that I don’t know, that I don’t think about it, but that’s a lie, I’ve thought about it recently and that’s all that’s been on my mind lately, and maybe it is time to settle down”

Holy shit, that’s what this whole trip thing is about. He’s about to say that what we have is over. That was a goodbye kiss or something like that, oh my God, that’s what Peter meant when he told me to be careful when he first heard about us. Raul’s collection of broken hearts were huge and everyone knew it. I should’ve known better.

“Raul... I don’t want to talk about it, please” I said getting away from his touch to clear my head

“But, Y/N” shit, he didn’t even called me ‘princess’ or whatever.

“Don’t, please don’t do this to me, I don’t want to go through this again”

“Okay, do you want to go back to the cabin?” he asked and I nodded, bracing myself as I finally felt the temperature falling “are you cold? Do you want my jacket?” he offered and I shook my head.

We hopped off the attraction as soon as we could and walked to the car in a deafening silence. The drive to the campsite seemed longer than it actually was, he kept stealing glances at me with a concerned expression all over his face, but I kept my glare outside the car, curled into a ball on the passenger seat. As soon as the car went into a full stop in front of where we would spend the night, I got out and went straight into the bathroom, locking the door and sitting on the floor, finally letting all the emotions I was holding back flow out into tears.

I finally thought I’ve found someone who could be the one for me, he actually treated me right and cared about me, but apparently I don’t get to have a happy ending. I’m just tired of always being the second choice or the ‘good time call’. And with him, I finally felt like I might’ve been the one. I guess that’s why everyone falls for him. He makes us feel special and then get bored, just to mine onto the next one. And the worst? He doesn’t do it on purpose, he told me he’s not the one to catch feelings and he did everything the promised, I was the one reading too much into it. And it’s all my fault.

Once I got over my pitiful situation, I got up and decided to shower, taking my sweet time to try to relax and get that boy out of my head. When I was done with it, I went back to the room wrapped up on a towel and there was no sight of him at all, but his stuff were still there, so I took the opportunity to grab a pair of a white lace lingerie (since all the pieces I brought were similar, I had to pick one), sweatpants and a hoodie. I changed into it and braided my hair loosely, grabbing a pair of uggs I went out to try to find him. Only to see him sitting by a campfire with a backpack beside him, wrapped in a blanket and holding a stick into the fire with a marshmallow on the end. I don’t know if he noticed me, but if he did, he didn’t show, he just stood there, staring at the flames with a sour expression.

“You should grab a blanket or go back inside” he mumbled after a while, making me jump because I wasn’t expecting him to talk to me at all after my little shit show.

“Hm, actually, can I talk to you?”

“Sure” he said sighing and eating the sugary treat, I took a deep breath and sat beside him on the wood improvised bench.

“You did the campfire”

“You said you wanted one, I wanted to do as many things you wanted today, and besides, I’ve already brought the wine and marshmallows”

“Yeah, I noticed your efforts, thank you for that” I said and he nodded.

“It was worth it” he said and the awkward silence was starting to come back until I decided to break it.

“I’m sorry, about the way I acted, there’s just no excuse for what I did, you’re trying to talk to me and I just snapped at you for no reason, I’m so sorry” I said looking at the fire.

“It’s not your fault, maybe we weren’t ready to talk about it”

“No, it is, I got everything wrong and didn’t even let you finished... we’re friends, it’s my job to listen to you and help you when you need it”

“I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry too” I said softly and curling myself into a ball to not freeze to death.

“Hey, come here” he said opening his blanket for me to get closer to him, and I obliged happily, being quickly engulfed in his warmth and his scent “if I give you a marshmallow, will we go back to normal?”

“Sure” I said smiling at him and he chuckled.

He offered me a glass of wine and I could not refuse it. We spent what felt like ages just talking about random stuff and eating marshmallows, holding each other to keep us warm. Raul really is amazing and I don’t know if I’m ready to loose all of this, I hope we can still be friends after this.

“So... can I ask you why you’re crying?”

“I wasn’t” I said hating myself from being so transparent.

“Princess...”

“I just... it’s stupid really... and you probably already imagine why so...”

“Oh, yeah, sorry about that”

“So... who’s the lucky girl?” I tried changing the subject a little.

“Lucky girl? Honey, you’ve had like a glass of whine, are you already drunk?”

“What? Don’t act like I’m the crazy one, I know okay? I’m over it, I just want to be a good friend and get to know her”

“Get to know who, Y/N?!”

“The girl you’ve been thinking about settling down and stuff, there’s a girl, right? Isn’t that why you want to end things with me?”

“What the hell are you... oh my God, Y/N!”

“What?” I asked and he started full on laughing “it’s not funny, you know?”

“Shit, sorry, princess” he said trying to hold back the laughter “there’s no girl, I’m not seeing anyone but you, thought you knew that already, and I’m not ending anything! Are you crazy? Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know, maybe you got bored and I don’t know, Raul, I just... I guess I got too confused about today and then you started talking about how you never thought about the future until now”

“Oh no, no, you got all wrong, there’s no other girl and I’m not bored, how could I be bored around you? You’re everything that’s been keeping me sane lately, I need you so fucking bad” he said looking quite desperate to make me believe on him “I know I suck at communicating and I need to work on that, but I thought that this was already too obvious”

“What?”

“You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Jesus Christ, you don’t know? What does all of our months together and today mean to you?”

“That you’re very loving and caring when you can, and the best friend I could ever had”

“Is that all? Nothing else came to your mind?”

“Hmm... no?”

“I’m fucking head over heels in love with you, dumbass”

“Wait a second... what?!”

“That’s what you heard, God, I can’t believe you didn’t notice!”

“How could I?”

“I took you to my parents, I dropped a lot of shifts just to cuddle the fuck out of you when you have a bad day or are your period, you’re the only one besides my family who’s seen the softest side of me, the only one besides my brothers who I tell everything to, the one I took five days off work to organize and take you to this trip on valentine’s day to keep you from being sad and also taking you on a date without freaking you out, to me we’ve been a lot more then special friends for ages now and I’m so sorry for that, I made the rule about no feelings allowed and I broke it, and I know you don’t feel the same, I just never thought you’d be so sad about it, or I wouldn’t even mention the subject of the future...”

“Shut up for like a second” I said cutting him off “are you telling me you’ve been in love with me this whole time and didn’t say a thing?”

“You’re crying half an hour ago, how did you expect me to tell you that earlier?!” He had a point. And I can’t believe I never noticed all the stuff he did for me and only me “Hm... can you say something?”

“Well, I guess I’m pretty dumb, cause I was crying cause I thought you wanted someone else and that hurt like hell cause I fell for you too”

“Are you kidding me?” he asked with the biggest smile on his face, he could literally light up the whole carnival if he wanted.

“Nope”

“You actually fell for me? Like I did for you?”

“Just like that” I said grinning like a freak.

He cupped my jaw with his massive hand and pulled me in for a kiss. It was like there were fireworks everywhere. His lips molded into mine like they’re made to be glued together forever. His tongue swiped on my bottom lip asking for me to open my mouth, which I did without even blinking, making Raul let out a soft groan, pulling me to straddle his thighs as he deepened the kiss, and not long after, trailing the down my neck with opened-mouth kisses, making me whimper lightly and soon I felt his smirk against my skin.

“Not the worst valentine’s day, eh?” he said kissing my forehead as we tried to recover from the kiss.

“Nope, definitely the best” I said cupping his face and kissing him all over again.

-*-

*Last piece inspired by the valentine’s day!

*Please reblog or like this post if you liked it so I’ll know.

*I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes.

*Please do not repost this without giving me the credit, this is a completely original piece and I do not give permission to copy this!

*Hope you guys enjoyed it!

*xoxo

-🌙

: @fivefeetapartt

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bitchloveskcbaseball · 4 years

Text

Drawn to a Flame

Pairing: Logan x Charlotte Wheeler

Summary: Logan and Charlotte go for a short drive that ends up being so much more. Set shortly after the ending of Stitches

Warnings: Just a bit of cursing and very brief references to a car crash.

Disclaimer: Logan belongs to Pixelberry.

Word Count: 3364

A/N: This is my piece for @rodappreciationweek Epilogue Day. Just as with the first part, the name for this came from Shawn Mendes’s song Stitches (I might be just a little obsessed right now lol)

“Um, Logan?” Charlotte's brow furrowed when he took a right turn two blocks before he should have turned left.

“Yeah?”

“This isn’t the way to the college.”

“Oh? It isn’t?” His tone told her that he knew it wasn’t.

“Damn it, we don’t have time for this. My meeting with my advisor starts in less than an hour! I can’t be late to that after missing so many days already.”

“It’s not like you were playin’ hooky, babe.”

“Yeah, because demolishing my car in an illegal street race is an approved reason for missing weeks of classes.”

“Nobody knows you were street racing when you wrecked.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes. “For now.”

Letting out a sigh, Logan moved his hand from the gear shift to rest briefly on her leg, squeezing a spot just above her knee gently. “Just relax, okay? I got you. You know I’ll always get you where you need to be.”

Instinctively, she tried to reach out her left hand to lace their fingers together, remembering too late that it was her broken arm. Despite her best efforts to the contrary, a small whimper slipped out at the jolt of pain the small movement caused.

Logan chuckled ruefully, “You would think you’d remember by now as much as you’ve done that.”

Charlotte’s eyes narrowed as she bit out, “Shut up.”

He pulled his hand away from her leg and she had to fight the urge to beg him to put it back, but almost immediately, his fingers were tangling gently in her hair, somehow managing to tuck the messy strands behind her hair without taking his eyes off the road. “I know babe. I miss it too. More than you can possibly know.”

The tender sweetness had her almost desperate to touch him and her frustration skyrocketed as a result. “Would you stop being sweet? It isn’t helping this situation one bit.”

“Should I laugh at your pain instead?”

“Yes, actually. That would be incredibly helpful.”

“Sorry, sweetheart. That’s one thing I can’t do for you. Especially not this time.”

It sounded almost as if he actually regretted it and Charlotte fell just a little harder for him. But she also didn’t miss the shudder that went through his body and found herself wishing for someway to comfort him. Even if the accident had helped bring them back together, she hated the way she’d scared him with her stupidity. Plus, losing her car like that was killing her. “I’m so sorry, Logan. I – “

“Don’t. You’re fine. I’m fine. It…it’s all fine.”

Dropping her head back against the seat, she smothered her groan of frustration. He’d been staying with her for a week but he still wouldn’t talk to her about the crash, despite the way it was clearly still bothering him. Like he thought he had to be this unaffected tough guy about the whole thing. She wanted so badly to push him on it, to make him open up, but she’d been down that road several times already and it always ended with a fight. And that was something she did not want to get into with the way she was already fighting a pounding headache and a touch of nausea – not that she was going to tell him about that particular development – so she held her tongue, letting the deep thrum of the Devore’s engine relax the tension out of her aching, exhausted body.

The next thing she knew, a hand was running gently through her hair and a soft, muffled-sounding voice was calling her name. Using an inordinate amount of effort, she pulled herself awake, vision blurry as she locked onto Logan, who was kneeling at her open door.

“Hey, Troublemaker. Have a good nap?”

“Mm-hmm.” Eyes threatening to slide closed again, she blinked hard a few times, but still felt like she was fighting a losing battle.

Chuckling, Logan leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her forehead. “So…you think you’re ready to go back to school, huh?”

“I would be if the damn doctors would clear me for it.” Even to her own ears, her voice lacked conviction.

“Says the girl who’s worn out after taking a short car ride.”

“That doesn’t mean shit.”

“You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart.”

Too exhausted to argue and beyond desperate to have him close to her, she raised her good arm to wrap around his shoulder and pleaded, “Hold me?”

“That mean you want me to carry you, Troublemaker?” Logan’s low laugh was somehow gentle and sweet.

“No. It means I want you to hold me.” Charlotte couldn’t help but cringe at how whiny she sounded.

“Char” – he sighed – “Lottie. Just let me carry you.”

“No. I can walk. I just need you to help me up.”

His eyes searched her face for several long seconds before he finally muttered, “Fine.” Wrapping his left arm gently around her back while trying to be careful of her still tender ribs, he held on to her free hand with his right to help tug her up to her feet. Tucking her against his side, he asked, “You good?”

Breathless from the effort and the way her body still protested even the slightest movements, she leaned heavily against Logan and huffed, “No. I told you to hold me.”

He twisted so that she was pressed against his chest and wrapped his arms around her as much it was possible with her arm in a cast and sling. She could feel his smile when he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “How ‘bout now?”

“This is perfect,” Charlotte sighed contentedly. They were silent for several moments before she muttered, voice muffled by his chest, “You know you can still call me Char or Charlotte if you want.”

“I thought you didn’t go by either of those anymore.”

“I…I don’t. Or didn’t. It just reminded me too much of…well, you. And him.”

“And it doesn’t still remind you of him?”

“Well, Char doesn’t. Not really.”

Logan gently pushed her away from him, reaching up to brush a stray strand of hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek in his hand. “Troublemaker, you… You aren’t the same girl I first met.” Charlotte felt her heart stutter, suddenly terrified of what he might say next, but was too frozen to interrupt. “I get that now. So, if this version of yourself, the true Charlotte, goes by Lottie, I can get used to that. Because I love her, you, so much and what name she goes by will never change that.”

It took a minute before Charlotte could pull in a shuddering breath, the fear she had been feeling making it hard to comprehend everything he’d just told her. To understand that he was finally saying all the words she’d yearned to hear for so long. But when it finally clicked, the biggest smile she’d ever felt broke out across her face. “You really mean that? All of it?”

“Every single word.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You were right when you told me that I never actually listened to what you wanted. I…I just assumed that you still wanted the life that you’d had planned before you met me. That this life and I were just a phase you were going through… I assumed that I knew better than you. I was too worried about how I was screwing up your life that I failed to see how much you had changed. Had blossomed.”

“Oh Logan.” She threaded the fingers of her free hand through the hair at the base of his head, using her grip to pull his lips down to hers. When he was close enough for their breaths to mingle, she whispered, “That’s all I’ve ever needed from you. For you to accept me like this.”

“Always, baby. Always.” He closed the remaining distance between their lips, kissing her softly, telling her without words just how precious she was to him. When they finally broke apart, several minutes later, they were both breathless and a little dazed.

Logan snapped out of it first, chuckling, which caused Charlotte to narrow her eyes at him.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Myself. And how easily you seem to be able to completely distract me. I don’t know how I ever thought I’d be able to stay away from you forever.”

“Well no one ever said you were the brains of this operation.” Charlotte managed to keep her expression serious, but could almost feel the laughter sparkling in her eyes.

“Good thing I never claimed to be, isn’t it?” He bopped her nose softly, careful of the fading bruises that still covered her face. “Anyway. I brought you here for a reason and I think we are already late.”

“Oh, my god! My meeting.” She jolted in an attempt to take off, but the sudden move sent a shockwave of pain through her body and her knees would have buckled if not for Logan’s supporting arms around her.

“Easy, babe. I don’t think you are gonna be in trouble for being late to this particular meeting.”

“You don’t underst – “ For the first time since he woke her up, Charlotte actually took in her surroundings and confusion immediately settled over her. Instead of being in a campus parking lot, they were in front of a self-storage facility. “What the hell is going on, Logan?”

“You’ll see in just a bit. You sure you want to walk?”

It wasn’t an easy task, but she resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him. “Yes, I’m sure.”

“Okay, okay. I won’t ask again.”

He started to unwrap himself from around her but she grabbed onto the front of his shirt. “Hey. Don’t be like that.”

“Me? Like what exactly?”

“Mad at me.” She forced herself to ignore his scoff. “I know, I’m being a bitch about all this. It just…it sucks to be so damned dependent on you. …Not you specifically. Just anybody. I hate this and I hate that I did it to myself.”

Logan’s expression softened as he shifted them around so that she was tucked into his side. He wrapped his arm loosely around her and nuzzled the side of her face before pressing a kiss to her temple. “I know baby. And I know I’m going overboard with the protectiveness. I just…I want to take care of you.”

“And you are. So much. So well.” She smiled when she felt him bury his nose in her hair, but when he stayed like that for several moments, she poked his side playfully. “Don’t we have somewhere to be? Something for you to show me?”

“Oh! Right! Yeah…you ready?”

“Definitely.”

Keeping his arm wrapped around her, Logan started to guide her through the maze of storage units. He had already taken two right turns and one left and they were still walking, leading her to wonder if he actually knew where he was taking her. After yet another right turn, she finally voiced her concern. “Are you sure you know where you’re going? Do I need to send out some sort of homing beacon so the authorities can find us?” The breathlessness of her voice seemed to ruin the comedic effect of her joke as Logan drew them to a stop, staring at her with concern-filled eyes.

“Hey. You need to take a break?”

She tried not to pant as she worked to catch her breath. “Depends. How much further?” She didn’t want to admit it, but her body really was starting to scream. She hadn’t moved half this much in almost two weeks and she could definitely feel it.

“Just let me carry you, babe.”

“How far, Logan?”

He let out a loud exhale before finally relenting, “Not far. It’s just at the end of this row. But seriously – “

“I’m fine. Just… maybe we could go a little slower?”

“That’s the most I’m gonna get from you, isn’t it?”

“You bet your sweet ass it is.”

“Whatever.” She could tell he was annoyed with her, but the way the corner of his lips kept twitching with the smile he was trying to hold back told her he wasn’t all that upset.

Once they were finally standing in front of their destination, a unit at the end of the row with a large, garage-type door, Charlotte turned to Logan with raised eyebrows. “Babe, I’m still confused.”

“It will all make sense in a minute, I swear.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket, typing out a short message before putting it back.

“Seriously? You lead me all the way down here just to send a fucking – “ The soft hum of a garage door opener captured Charlotte’s attention as it started to roll the door up. “Did you just send a text message to open that freakin’ door?”

There was a burst of laughter at that – make it two bursts of laughter. Forehead once again wrinkled in confusion, she turned towards the storage unit and gasped at who she saw inside. “Paul?”

“Yeah, Lottie. It’s me.”

Unexpected tears sprung to her eyes and she was helpless to stop them. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since he’d stormed out of her hospital room and she was starting to think that she really had fucked up that friendship. Even with Logan here – especially with Logan here – she knew she still needed Paul in her life and the thought that he might not be absolutely broke her heart. But here he was, waiting in a storage locker for her. But why is he waiting in a storage locker?

Before she even realized he’d moved, he was in front of her, pulling her into a much-too-tight hug, but she refused to complain. Logan, on the other hand, had no qualms about it. “Dude. Lighten up. She’s still really banged up.”

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry sweetheart.” Paul pulled back, but still kept his hands on her shoulders. His voice was much quieter when he added, “And not just for crushing you.”

“No, don’t – “

“Hush. I owe you an apology. You’d literally just woken up from – “ Paul shook his head, as if chasing memories away. “I should have been more understanding with you. More patient. And I damn sure shouldn’t have taken off on you like that. I just… You scared me so damn bad, Lottie. I thought…”

“I know. I know and I shouldn’t have tried to make light of the situation. I just…I hated seeing you so tense and upset and I thought a little joke might lighten the mood. I didn’t even consider everything I’d put you through.” She wanted to let it all go at that, to just enjoy knowing that she hadn’t ruined their friendship, but she couldn’t bite back the question that had been haunting her since he’d stormed out. Voice barely above a whisper, she asked, “Why didn’t you return any of my calls?”

Paul let out a deep sigh. “At first, it was because I was pissed as hell at you. Then, I knew Logan was going to be showing up on your doorstep and didn’t want to give you time to guard that frozen heart of yours.”

“Hey!”

“You know it’s true.”

“Whatever, jackass. What about after you knew Logan and I had talked?”

Turning to face Logan, Paul laughed, “She’s incredibly observant, isn’t she?”

“It really makes you wonder how she’s such a good street racer, doesn’t it?”

Shifting her glare between the two men, Charlotte hissed, “Hey, assholes, I’m still standing right here.”

“Oh, trust me, Troublemaker, we know.”

She knew it was an overreaction to storm off, but she was tired and annoyed and every inch of her body felt like it was throbbing so she really didn’t care how much of an overreaction it really was. She had only taken half of a step, though, before an almost familiar glint coming from inside the storage unit caught her eye. She side-stepped around Paul, the sight behind him causing her to freeze with horror, disbelief and excitement.

“That’s – “ She had to clear her throat to get her voice to work around her tears. “That’s my car.”

Coming up behind her, Logan wrapped his arms around her waist, being sure to avoid bumping her arm or pressing on her incision. “Yeah, baby.”

“What… how… Oh my god. What did I do?”

“Shh. It’s fine. It looks worse than it is.”

“Logan.”

“I’m not saying it’s gonna be a quick fix. But Paul’s already found a new frame. And we’ve got the pieces that need to be completely replaced on order. But the majority of it is fixable. We’re just gonna need you to be patient with us because this shit isn’t gonna be easy.”

Spinning slowly within his arms, she wrapped her right one around Logan’s neck before asking, “Why?”

“Because I know what that car means to you. Hell, what it means to us. And it isn’t beyond repair, so I wasn’t going to let it get scrapped.” A mischievous smirk broke out across his face as he added, “Besides, it’s only fair that I help fix it since I’m sorta the reason it needs fixed.”

Charlotte smothered the gasp that wanted to escape. She hadn’t been able to get him to even talk about the crash and here he was, joking about it? As much as it annoyed her, she figured it was better than nothing so instead of pressing the matter, she arched an eyebrow and sassed, “And just what makes you think it had anything to do with you?”

“Well your record was perfect until I showed up.”

She rolled her eyes at him so hard she immediately regretted it when her headache really started to throb. “Whatever. Pure coincidence is all that was.”

Before he could smart off again, she tugged him down so she could kiss him. Almost immediately, he deepened the kiss, running his tongue along her lips, begging for access. Just before she could oblige him, however, an over-exaggerated cough broke them out of their haze.

Charlotte looked over at Paul sheepishly, knowing that he knew she’d completely forgotten he was there. Rather that bring further attention to it, she opted to shift the conversation back to her car. “Thank you. So much for all of this. For saving her from the scrap yard and for putting all the plans together to fix her.”

“Hell, Lottie. Don’t go getting’ sentimental on me now.”

“Oh, whatever. You know you love it.”

Paul barked, “Shut up,” but it lacked any real heat and the smile on his face softened what was left of the blow.

Turning back to Logan, a realization struck her and she couldn’t pass up the opportunity to mess with him. “What happened to no more lies, Logan?”

“Huh? What?”

“You said I had a meeting with my academic advisor.”

“Well, uh…I just… I wanted to surprise you.” At first, she thought he was just playing along, but the way he was refusing to meet her eyes told her that he was taking it all to heart. Guilt instantly started eating at her.

“Hey, look at me.” When he just shook his head, she cupped his cheek in her hand and forced him to turn back towards her. “This was so much better than some stupid college meeting.”

Eyebrows knitted together, his disbelief was thick in his voice as he asked, “Really? You aren’t pissed at me for lying to you again?”

“Of course I’m not pissed. I was just trying to mess with you a little bit.” She bit her lip, pondering for just a second if she should just leave it at that, but couldn’t resist adding, “Besides, I’ve been wondering how I was beat your ass again without a car.”

The strangled noise that got caught in his throat and the panic that settled over his expression let her know that she would soon have another battle on her hands with him. But she didn’t mind, because she was finally starting to believe that Logan was really in this for the long haul this time.

Tags: @burnsoslow @anotherbeingsworld @openheart

#RoDAW #logan x mc #rod logan #ride or die: a bad boy romance #choices rod

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