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almatiarau · 2 years

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Finding Hope (JHS x F. Reader One Shot)

Ø Pairing: Dilf! Hoseok x Teacher Assistant! F.Reader

Ø Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

Ø Rating: M (18+)

Ø Warnings: Mentions of side character’s death, mentions of infertility, mentions of woman’s related health issue (endometriosis, preeclampsia), reader will ponder around self-deprivation a lot so if you are triggered by this please beware, adoption talks, curse words, kissing, groping, oral (m. receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, safety first guys!)

Ø Word Count: ~12k

Ø Disclaimers: I don’t own BTS - they simply inspire me! Also don’t mix up the visual for this fic with their real life, be wise 😉

Ø Summary: Jung Hoseok relies on you, the lovely teacher assistant of his child’s daycare to help him ease the chaotic life of a working single dad. Finding mutual bond over the tragic incidents happened in both of your past, will you be able to find hope in each other to move on and live a more “hopeful” life?

Ø Songs to be listened to: Lay your head on me – Crush, Angel Baby – Troye Sivan, Someone like you - lullaboy

Author’s Note: Hi guys so in celebration of Hobiuary, and to celebrate the day of love too on Feb 14th, I’ve decided to release this earlier. I’m scared I will have things to do by the 18th so I hope you dont mind. However this fic is a celebration of Mr Jung Hoseok’s birthday on the 18th so HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOBII, wishing him all the best in life, full of love and tenderness and I wish him lifelong happiness and health! Happy reading and as always, your comments and feedbacks will be hugely appreciated. Thank you.

It’s just 15 minutes after 4PM when drops of rain starting to pour outside the windows. You always love the rain, the sound of little droplets, and the smell of rainwater meets the grass is just calming to you. Same with this room, might not be big in size, but filled with many things you love. Drawings pinned to the wall, racks filled with fairytale books you would never be bored to re-read, colorful paper garlands across the ceilings. This classroom is your tiny world.

People will say you’re torturing yourself, strangely to you though, you found more strength within pairs of innocent eyes looking up at you, eager for you to guide them for the next activities to have fun that day. Putting it simply, you just love kids. You’ve always loved them, even when you were younger, your aunts will gladly ask you to look after your younger cousins, they say you’re a natural.

So when at the age of 19 you were diagnosed with a severe case of endometriosis, your world was crashing down. You went out to 3 different OBGYNs who said the same thing, either you go for surgery to remove your uterus, or it would endanger your life.

Long story short, the money your parents saved up for your college tuition went out for your surgery. Within the confusion about your future and career, you found out that you could pursue a certification as a day-care assistant teacher. So you went for it. Your parents were worried since you’ll be working with children while actually, you just lost the ability to carry your own. But you thought the other way around. It’s the only way you could take care of children, nurture them, and it would be enough for you.

“Miss Y/N, can I have another candy please?”

Jung So Mi, the last child left in your class because her father just informed you that he was stuck in a last-minute meeting and would require an additional 30 minutes before he could pick her up. You don’t mind it though, as you don’t have anything to do anyway. You live alone in Seoul, leaving your parents at your hometown to pursue better job opportunity. Seoul being the country’s capital offers you a higher remuneration, so you packed your bag 4 years ago and left your town.

“So Mi dear, I think your father will come soon, no? You already had 2 candies after lunch today, it’s already on your limit.” You pat her hair gently. She has her hair in two braids and one of it is already loose.

“Why don’t you sit here while I tell you another story as I braid your hair?” You motion her to sit next to you on the bench just beside the classroom’s door.

“Can I braid Barbie’s hair while you do mine?”

“Sure dear.”

So Mi is only 3.5 years old but she’s very bright for her age, always polite and also very neat. She always cleans up after herself properly. She’s also very empathetic and never hesitate to help her friends in class. You always wonder how her mother is, since her father is the one who always drop and pick her up for the past 1.5 years you’ve known her.

You were just finished tying up her little braid when you hear gentle knocks on the door.

“So Mi, that must be your father.” You pat her shoulder, motioning both of you to the front of the classroom.

You open the sliding door slightly and find yourself eyes to eyes with Jung Hoseok, So Mi’s father. He’s quite young compared to other kids’ fathers in your class. He also always dressed so impeccably in your opinion, making him looking even younger. If you passed by him on the street, you might not think that he has a daughter. His hair had been looking a bit lighter too nowadays, from the usual jet-black hair you’re familiar with, now he’s sporting more of a dark brown with lighter highlights. He’s definitely handsome, and when he smiles, you can feel it in your heart.

“Hello Ms. Y/N, I’m very sorry for troubling you again today.” He bows slightly. “I know I’ve been asking for extensions a few times now.”

“Hello Mr. Jung, no worries at all, I always like hanging out with little So Mi here.” You stroke So Mi’s hair gently as she giggles and hugs her father’s leg.

“I really appreciate it.” He takes So Mi’s backpack from you before handing out a paper bag towards you. “I came across the bakery on my way and please accept this as a token of my appreciation.”

You can’t help but surprised. You never received anything from the parents so far, and you never expected ones too.

“Mr. Jung, you really don’t have to.” You bow to him.

“Please Ms. Y/N I insist, I heard the earl grey cake from this bakery is really good, please try it.” He flashes you his contagious smile and you feel like you don’t have any other option but to take it.

“Thank you very much Mr. Jung.”

Hoseok kneels down to be at eye level with So Mi. “Honey, say thank you to Ms. Y/N before we go?”

So Mi nods and looks up at you with her sparkling eyes. “Thank you Ms. Y/N, see you tomorrow.”

“You’re welcome sweetheart.”

Hoseok nods one more time before stepping away.

“Wait, Mr. Jung?”

He stops in his track on the hallway and looks back at you questioningly. You move forward a few steps to get closer.

“I-if… if maybe you need someone to watch over So Mi, I mean, outside day care schedule… Uhm… I can do it for you.”

You feel a bit shy to offer, but you’ve been thinking about it for a while. Mr Jung had been asking for time extensions a few times now and you can see how distraught he look when he picked So Mi up, so you thought maybe he really need a helping hand. In addition to that, you could always use the extra money.

Hoseok can’t help his surprised face at your offer. Honestly, it’s a very tempting offer since he really is swamped with work right now. He’s the head of Visual Merchandiser Team at a very well-known retail store nationwide, and the company is planning to revamp their current main store in Itaewon, with deadline of the re-opening getting closer and closer, he really works his ass off every day. But he also can’t help but think that you will be overqualified to “babysit” So Mi.

“Ms. Y/N, I appreciate your offer very very much, and I really do in a dire need of a helping hand, however aren’t you too overqualified just to look after So Mi? I mean, I don’t want to burden you…”

You shake your head. “No Mr. Jung, I mean, I’m just a teacher assistant, so I’m not that “overly qualified” and I won’t be offering if I didn’t want to. Honestly, I really enjoy spending time with So Mi, and I do have lots of free time…” You look down slowly, hands fidgeting right above the hem of your shirt. “And… I could also use the extra money, if that’s alright.”

“Oh, in that case, I would glad to accept your offer Ms. Y/N, are you okay with staying with So Mi until night? I mean, I’m so sorry I have to be honest with you upfront, but yeah, work had been so hellish.”

“No problem Mr. Jung, just text me when you will be needing me.”

Hoseok smiles and nods at you before walking back to the entrance door, hand in hand with little Jung So Mi.

It’s been almost 3 months now that you regularly visit the Jung’s house. Usually, your schedule is three times a week on weekdays, even though So Mi visited the daycare every day, aside from weekends. Hoseok said he tries to get away from work at least twice a week, to go home on time so he can spend quality time with his daughter. So, for the other 3 days, he usually got home at around 9PM at night, looking very tired but still maintain his lively attitude.

You also finally found out what happened to So Mi’s mother. Just two weeks into your schedule, Hoseok came back home earlier than usual, and he brought dinner, so he asked you to stay to eat together. You weren’t trying to pry, but when Hoseok and So Mi started to say a prayer for the late mother, you got the idea. You couldn’t help to feel sympathy for both of them. How challenging and hurtful it must be to be losing a wife and a mother like that.

Tonight is another one of your “shift”. So Mi however already exhausted with playing jumping rope with you in the afternoon, so once you gave her a bath after dinner, she dozes off into slumberland. Hoseok tells you to make yourself comfortable in his house, allowing you to eat or cook anything in his pantry or fridge, also you are welcome to watch any movies you’d like in his living room. So, here you are, with a cup of hot chamomile tea and a bag of chips, scrolling through his Netflix account.

The clock just turned 8.00PM when you hear a car parked in the garage, not long after followed by beeping of keys before Hoseok comes in. He’s wearing a crisp black shirt tonight, sleeve rolled to his forearms, hair pushed back with a pair of tight black jeans and a pair of red and black Air Jordan sneakers. He always looks good, but tonight you feel he looks exceptionally hot too.

“Oh Mr Jung, you come back early.” You stand up from the couch straighten up your crinkled shirt.

“Just call me Hoseok, Y/N, we’ve talked about this right.” He winks at you while neatly place his sneakers onto the shoes drawer.

“Oh yes, Hoseok… I mean I don’t want to be impolite, since you’re older than me.”

“Nonsense, you’re just 2 years younger, no big deal, my juniors at work even calls my name too.” He walks toward the kitchen island just behind the living room and put down a tall paper bag.

“So Mi slept kinda early today, she’s exhausted after playing jumping rope, so I think you need to be aware that maybe she’ll awake earlier too tomorrow.” You walk to the kitchen island too, standing just opposite him as he pours himself a glass of water.

He peers at you while drinking, making you distracted by his Adam Apple’s bobbing up and down.

“Is that so?” He puts back the glass and wipe his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Y-y-yes.” Darn it, why does he have to look so good, you practically having a hard time to concentrate. “So anyway, since you’re here, I think I’m just gonna get going…”

“Y/N wait, well, there was some celebration in the office today, so they packed me this bottle of wine and some chicken. Do you wanna eat dinner first? I can call you a cab later?” He takes out the dark-colored bottle with red cap on and other boxes of packed takeaway foods from the paper bag.

You hesitate a little just because you don’t want to intrude his peaceful night, but then again, it’s Jung Hoseok you’re talking about, the man would always encourage you to take better care of yourself every time he has the chance.

“Okay, if it’s not too troublesome for you.”

“None of that.” He waves his hand nonchalantly. “Can you please take these boxes to the dining table? I will prepare the plates and chopsticks.”

You nod and carefully carry the three boxes to the table. You also come back to grab the bottle of wine and put it down. Not long after, Hoseok comes back with plates, chopsticks, wine glasses and a corkscrew. He expertly pops off the wine bottle and pour the red liquid into both glasses, passing one to you.

You spend the next hour eating the delicious chicken cuisines and downing the divine wine. Your once tense nerves are calming down and you found yourself in delightful conversation with Hoseok. He tells you funny stories about the stunts his team usually has to pull to meet some deadlines, how stressful his work is but at the same time he loves it so much. He’s a creative person and you know it, always has keen eyes on beautiful things, arts, clothes, even his home is very stylish, considering he’s a single father with a toddler.

“I really envy you for having so much love for what you doing.” You relax on the single seater just beside Hoseok who leans back on the couch in the living room.

“Yeah, I think I’m just lucky… or else, I would be the most unfortunate man on earth.” His gaze fills with longing, just a bit glassy, and the first thing comes to your mind is probably he misses his late wife.

“By the way, Hoseok, I’m so sorry for your wife.” You only tiptoed over topic so far, never really ask him directly or telling him that you know, but with tonight’s atmosphere, you feel like you need to say something about it, give your respect and condolences.

He smiles weakly at you before putting down the wine glass on the coffee table.

“Thank you Y/N, it’s actually been almost 4 years now?” He furrows his brows as if trying to remembering something. “Hee Young passed away when she gave birth to So Mi…” Hoseok smiles painfully as he stares ahead.

“You don’t need to tell me anything if it’s too much for you, I’m sorry for bringing it up.” Unconsciously, you reach out for his hand and squeezes gently.

“No, no, it’s okay. I mean, you are with So Mi almost everyday, I mean we’re friends too, right?” He squeezes your hand back. “I’m okay now, and maybe I need to let it out once in a while.”

You nod gently, thumb grazing over the back of his hand.

“It was quite sudden actually, the pregnancy was going very well for the first and second trimester, but then, when it’s entering 8 months, Hee Young’s blood pressure raised up very quickly… and it was blurry for me because one day everything is fine, we were just discussing the theme of the nursery and the next thing, the doctors are asking me for emergency surgery and asked me… worst comes to worst, who will be my priority to be saved…”

You squeeze his hand a little bit harder to show your sympathy. It breaks your heart dearly to hear such a horrific situation came upon someone as good as him. It also reminds you that people do have their own hardships. You can’t help but reminiscing a bit about your past heartbreak, the thought of losing something forever.

Hoseok squeezes your hand back; he looks at you with glassy eyes but still with a warm courageous smile.

“Of course Hee Young wanted me to save our child, and I… I just couldn’t say no to her…” He shakes his head slowly. “But in a way, the universe kind of saving me from having to decide undecidable thing like that, we just lost her, she lost too many bloods and… it was not an option for me anymore.”

When Hoseok buries his head between his palms, you can’t help yourself to move besides him and gently pat his shoulder, letting him know that he can confide in you any time, that you will always listen, just like tonight.

It doesn’t take long for him to smile back at you, sniffling a little bit, but you can see in his eyes that he copes with it well.

“I’m sorry Y/N, it’s not supposed to be a somber night like this.”

“No, it’s alright, I mean, please understand that if you need someone to talk to about this, you can talk to me anytime.”

He chuckles lightly while patting your hair slightly, giving you goosebump all over, even if you know it’s an innocent touch.

“No way I would burden you with sappy stories like this again.”

“Well, Hoseok, if it makes it better for you, my story is not also rainbows and unicorns.” You smile weakly.

“Oh? Oh, I’m so sorry, I talked too much about myself I haven’t even asked of yours…”

“No, no, it’s okay, and I swear I’m not trying to get your pity or something, it’s just… hearing your story, feeling how devastated you must have felt, kind of bringing back some memories from the past.”

Hoseok looks at you questioningly, lips pouting a little bit.

You divert your eyes sideways, somehow your heart aches to see him straight in the eyes when you wanted to tell him your “baggage”. It’s funny, considering you think you are not in any way would end up in a situation with him that would make your condition is, a little bit concerning right? So, why hesitate? Why scared?

You wet your lips a couple times, just a little habit of yours when you’re nervous. Your hands also clenching and unclenching several times. You don’t realize that Hoseok pays attention to you, so he takes both of your hands in his and sooth his thumbs over the back of your hands.

“Y/N it’s okay, you don’t need to tell me anything if it’s too hard for you…”

You shake your head as tears starts brimming in your eyes.

“No, I mean, I want to tell you because… I think… I think in a way, I can understand the feeling of losing something forever.”

“Okay… What happened sweetheart?”

You can barely register the pet name he uses, but you have to remind yourself, it’s just the situation, it’s not a big deal.

“When I was 19, I had my uterus removed because of severe Endometriosis.” You take a deep breath. “So, I will never ever have a chance to carry my own child.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Hoseok pulls you in for a hug as his hand gently stroke your hair. “It must have been very hard for you, Y/N, I’m so sorry to hear it.”

Your hands fall limb besides you as tears started to flow. You haven’t thought about it for a long long time, or maybe you did but you always try to suppress it. It’s not like you can complaint to your parents, because it’s not their fault. Moreover, you’ve seen your mother crying so hard the day you decided to take the surgery. Your friends? They couldn’t understand the severity of the situation at that age. They thought having a child were not a priority, even some considering they might better off without them, and that’s okay, that’s their own choice. But you did need to talk about it, about the possibility of disappointing your future partner when you had to tell them that sorry, you can’t carry their child, ever.

People said you need to talk to a therapist, but it costed a lot. Your parents could barely afford the cost of your surgery, let alone to pay for additional therapy sessions. So, you’ve been trying to accept it every day of your life since then. First, you made yourself busy with certification. Second, you didn’t get involve with boys. And that’s how you’ve lived your life for the past 8 years. Yes, you cry from time to time, especially when watching movies alone where the characters are having a baby. But you always reminded yourself that once you throw away all the used-up Kleenex, you are to move on. You can’t afford being sad, you need to work for yourself and especially for your parents back home.

Hoseok pulls back a little bit when he feels that you are too quiet. “Y/N, are you okay?”

You hurriedly swipe away your tears with the back of your hands, the thought of him looking at you with puffy red eyes and possibly snots all around horrified you.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Hoseok leans over the coffee table to take a box of tissue and hand the sheets to you gently.

“Y/N, listen to me, it’s not something you should be ashamed with to share with me, okay? I’m not going to judge you.” He puts his hands on both of your shoulder, motioning you to face him. “You’re a very strong girl, you should be proud of yourself.”

“Thank you Hoseok.” You nod weakly. “You and So Mi also very strong.”

He smiles kindly, hand slowly stroking your hair, tucking a loose strand behind your ear. “So Mi and I are here too whenever you need us okay? We are a strong unit, aren’t we?”

You give him your warmest smile, for the first time in your life, you feel like you’ve been really seen.

It’s just another chill Friday for you and So Mi, lazily sprawled on the rug in the living room, crayons in hands as you both draw some pictures while humming some Disney Movies’ soundtrack. It’s barely 7PM and you just finished dinner. Usually, you spend the remaining time with some short movie or reading before tucking So Mi into bed at around 8PM. However, So Mi asked you whether she could draw some things first, and with those sparkling eyes, who are you to deny her request?

The sound of car engine makes your head turns towards the door, and not long after, Hoseok makes his way into the house. So Mi’s eyes light up and she hurriedly run towards his father.

“Appa!!!”

Hoseok crouches down to welcome her into a tight hug. “Hey honey, how are you today?”

“You come home early!” So Mi excitedly jumps up and down while still in his embrace. He slowly stands up with her still in his arms.

“Yup, appa wants to tuck you to bed tonight, is that okay?” He kisses her cheeks.

So Mi nods quickly as she cutely pinches both of her father’s cheeks.

“Ouch, what’s that for?” Hoseok playfully pouts his lips in annoyance.

“Because appa is the cutest!”

He laughs along with her and you can feel something stirs in your heart. How lovely it is to come home to this view every day, a gorgeous devoted loving husband, an endearing beautiful child who adores you. A picture-perfect family in your mind.

When Hoseok finds your eyes, you blink a few times to cast the thoughts away. You smile and nod to him.

“We were just drawing, So Mi wanted to draw some cocomelon characters.” You giggle as you put up her drawings towards Hoseok.

“Aren’t you my little artist?” He bops her nose lightly.

“I like to draw appa, and I like coloring too.” So Mi cutely explain with her hands all over the place, she is the cutest ever.

“I can see that, and look at you so good at it.” Hoseok then crouches back down and put So Mi back to the ground. “Why don’t you wash your hands with Ms Y/N and go to your room? Appa will wash up a bit and catch up with you guys.”

You nod understandingly and motion So Mi to follow you upstairs, while Hoseok gives you the warmest smile and mouthing Thank You.

By 8.00 PM, you have just finished tidying up So Mi’s crayons and plushies from around the living room. You look up at the stairs, hesitating whether or not you should go up to say goodbye to Hoseok before leaving the house, however, he’s tucking So Mi in, probably not a good idea to interrupt the little girl from slowly falling asleep. You walk over the couch and about to take your purse with you, when light footsteps are heard making way downstairs.

“Y/N, are you ready to go home?” Hoseok in his colorful pyjama pants and plain t-shirt calls out.

“Yes, I wasn’t sure whether I should go upstairs to say goodbye.”

“Oh, it’s okay, So Mi already asleep, she was really excited with her drawings for sure.” He chuckles.

You laugh lightly too. “Yes, she was very determined to do it, guess she gets that artsy side of you.”

Hoseok touches his ear lightly at your compliment.

“Speaking of art, Ms Y/N, wow, I’m impressed, you also have a very good hand on it.” Hoseok makes his way to the kitchen island and pulls up your drawing from between So Mi’s.

Drawing is a hobby of yours for years now. One of your ways of cheap therapy in your opinion, but you never seriously thought you are any good at it. You just love mixing some colors together and create some gradation of it inside a simple drawing of flowers, or hearts, or clouds. Sometimes you add like a dotting effect to add more textures to the drawing.

“No, please it’s just mixing some random colors.”

“Hey, seriously, I’ve been wanting to add more paintings, or drawings to the kids’ sections of the store, do you think you can make something like this but maybe bigger?”

You blink several times to digest his words. Is he asking for your doodles to be hanging up on his store?

“Hoseok, it’s just a doodle, is it even proper enough to be there?”

“Yes, I’m seriously asking you to make me a bigger doodle, as you called it, and we seriously going to commission you for this.”

You literally lost for words. “I… I…”

Hoseok walks closer to you as he searches your eyes. “Hey, Y/N, you need to have more confidence in your work, whether it’s in the daycare, which I think you’re doing a very very amazing job, So Mi literally couldn’t stop talking about you, and now this, art that you making.”

You smile shyly, cheeks flushing red. “I don’t know, it’s just weird to be taking all the compliments.”

“When you’re doing a good job, you earn it, just like every other person out there.” He lifts your chin slightly with his finger, a bit frustrated that you seem to like avoid his gaze.

“So, will you do it Ms. Y/N? I’m thinking around 100x100 cm of canvas?”

And just like So Mi did with her sparkling eyes, Hoseok’s genuine smile and warm gaze will always be your weakness.

“O-okay… any specific requests of color? Any specific theme? And when’s the deadline?”

“I’ll text you the detail later okay, I need to run through the specifics with the floor team.” He winks.

Your cheeks are still warm, as his fingers still linger on your chin. For a moment, you feel like the clock is stop ticking. You feel goosebumps running through your spine when you feel Hoseok runs his fingers from your chin, up to your cheek and finally tucking your hair besides your right ear. His hand lingers there, slowly cupping your cheek, as tensions become more palpable. His gaze flickers to your lips and you do the same, yearning to feel those luscious lips of his. You swear he moves a little bit forward and you are about to close your eyes when his phone suddenly rings on the kitchen counter. Both of you take a step back simultaneously, you scramble to take your purse and Hoseok swiftly walks to pick up the call.

You take time to adjust your breath, not realizing that you have been holding it back for a moment there. Holding your purse tightly, you wave your hand signalling Hoseok that you are leaving. He furrows his eyebrows a bit but nod to you nevertheless.

As you walk over to the bus stop, you can’t help yourself to replay everything in your head. What was that? Why did your heart beat so fast? Did he really about to kiss you or was it all just in your head? Unconsciously, you touch your lips, wishing that whatever happened, it wasn’t just in your mind…

Hoseok really goes through with his plan of commissioning you for your art. He sent you the detail of what he and his team envision for the store and it’s actually not that hard for you to bring it to life. They didn’t demand anything too much, but at the same time gave you enough details on what to focus on. He even gives you time off from babysitting So Mi so that you can have enough time and energy to do the drawing. Since they require you to get it done in just three weeks, just barely enough time before their scheduled grand re-opening.

You did ask Hoseok though, if So Mi is not with you and he obviously needs to work extra considering the approaching deadline, where would she be? Turns out before you offered to babysit, Hoseok usually drops So Mi off at his sister’s. But his sister is pregnant with her second child and it got harder and harder for her to take care two kids at the same time when her pregnancy is getting bigger. His mother had offered to come from his hometown, but he doesn’t want to burden her too much, luckily you came along with your offer.

Standing in front of your work now hanging on the wall of a well-known retail store in the city of Seoul feels surreal for you. You consider your art as something very simple, just a gradation color of baby blue, pink and lilac, inside some drawings of clouds, Hoseok says it’s cotton candy clouds, and it really suits the theme of the girl apparel section of the store.

The said man is standing next to you, also looking at your work, a proud smile plastered on his handsome face. You’re still amazed by his immense and never-ending support for you to do this drawing.

“It’s perfect, just like how I imagined it would be, you’re incredible Y/N.”

“I owe you so much for this Hoseok, this definitely one of the proudest moments in my life, thanks to you.”

“Don’t mention it, talent needs to be appreciated.”

You move forward and slowly touch the edge of your drawing’s frame, still feeling like an out of body experience.

“By the way Y/N, I’ve been meaning to ask you…”

You turn around to look at Hoseok. He’s looking straight at you, making you squirm a little bit on your spot. Since that night, the two of you never really address the situation. Things just started rolling as per usual, and maybe because you also very focused on completing your drawing and Hoseok is literally chased by deadline, you didn’t really put much thought on it.

But now, being alone with him reminds you about that night, how you were mere seconds away from colliding your lips together. However deep down inside you know, you shouldn’t feel that way. You are not allowed to feel that way. Hoseok and So Mi are too precious to you, they don’t deserve to be roped in into your doomed future.

“Yes?”

“For the grand re-opening next Friday, do you want to come along?”

“Come along…?”

Hoseok clears his throat. “Well… I mean you have your work displayed here, you definitely deserved to be invited.”

Why do you get the feel like he’s nervous or something? Or is it just in your mind again?

“Oh, well, I mean if I don’t have to accompany So Mi for you… because you’re going too, right?”

Hoseok can’t help letting out a small chuckle at your confused state. “Don’t worry about So Mi, my mother is visiting my sister this weekend, So Mi will be staying there for a while.”

You let out a nervous chuckle too. “Well in that case, okay, what time should I be here?”

Hoseok takes a step forward, moving closer. “I’m going to pick you up at 6, the event starts at 7.”

You can’t help the blush on your cheeks. If he picks you up, does it mean you go together? And if you go together, what will his co-workers say? And does this also means it’s a…

“It’s a date Ms. Y/N.” Hoseok takes you by surprise when he reaches your hand and kisses the back of your hand gently.

You can only freeze when his eyes peer slowly from your hand, gives you a wink before letting it go.

Clearing your throat so you won’t let out a squeal, you need to ask another important thing since you’ve never went to a party like this.

“Uhm… Hoseok… what kind of dress should I wear for this kind of… uhm, invitation?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” He smiles widely and grab your wrist, motioning you to follow him.

“Hoseok, where are we going??”

“One of the perks of working here of course, let’s find you a dress.”

“B-but, the store isn’t open yet? There’s no staffs around, no cashier…” You look around confusedly at the empty store. The racks are already there filled with clothes but how can you try on or pay for it if it’s closed?

“Hey, aren’t you with a staff here? Am I not a staff?” Hoseok finally slows down his walks when you both reach the Women Dress area of the store. He finally let go of your hand as he starts to scour the racks.

You stand still, eyes wide filled with confusion.

“Y/N, come here and look around, tell me which one do you like.” He motions you to come closer to the racks of floor length gowns.

“But… I… I don’t know if I can afford dresses from here, it’s kinda steep for my pocket.”

Hoseok takes out a blush chiffon gown from the rack. The neckline is v-line, and the chiffon material drapes off the shoulder, creating a flowy arm, the skirt is flowing into an A line too, it’s beautifully ethereal and quite modest, just like your style.

“I think this will fit you so beautifully, and I notice that you wear lots of this muted pastel colors, it suits you a lot.”

“It really is beautiful Hoseok and I love it, but…”

“Come on, let’s see if it’s fit.” He takes your hand again and leads you to the dressing room. It’s still felt weird for you to roam around a closed store like this but at the same time, you love the new thrilling sensation. You’ve never had an adventure like this before.

In 10 minutes, you are facing a huge mirror inside a dressing room, ready to open the curtains to show Hoseok how the dress fits you like a glove. He really knows your style and the dress really accentuates your shape and skin tone, making you glow like a fairy.

“Okay, here it goes.” You open the curtains slowly, stepping out of the small room into Hoseok’s view who is now sitting on a sofa just outside the rows of dressing rooms.

He stares at you with glint in his eyes but no words come out of his mouth.

“Well?” You make a twirl. “I honestly think this fits me well and I do love the color and the style.” Busy looking down at the gown’s flowing skirt, you don’t realize that Hoseok has move closer.

You let out a surprise gasp when he takes your right hand, pull it up with his and motion you to take another twirl.

“You look absolutely gorgeous.”

You can’t help the blush on your cheeks.

“This is a bad idea.” He chuckles lowly.

“Oh? Oh my god, I’m so sorry Hoseok, I know we shouldn’t be doing this, if they found out we take the clothes and…”

A delicate finger presses on your lips, retaining you from finishing your sentence.

“Sssh… Y/N, it’s not that. Don’t worry about that at all.”

You want to ask him why, but his finger still lingers on your lips, and you enjoy it too much to remove it away.

“It’s because…” He looks away slightly, before focusing his eyes on yours again. “You look so damn beautiful it makes me losing my mind.”

Your heart beats rapidly, making your body trembles a bit. You have never been in such intense situation with a man before. You have always evaded any situation that would lead the relationship to grow more than platonic way. You didn’t want to bare your baggage to them, afraid that you would get rejected.

But deep down you know, with Hoseok, you had crossed the dangerous territory within yourself. You let yourself yearn for him. You didn’t stop your mind into imagining how perfect life could be with him and So Mi by your side. You thought it would be harmless, because he would never look at you that way, right?

“Uhm, by the way how am I supposed to pay for this with no one around??” You try to distract yourself.

“Uh? Oh… Uhm… No worries about that, I will put it on my tab.” You can see he startles a bit as he takes a step back.

“You can cut it from my salary too.” You start to walk back into the dressing room. As you draw the curtains back, you feel like your heart stings when you can hear him muttering back as his face falters.

“Don’t worry about it Y/N…”

You would have thought that after what happened at the store, Hoseok would cancel on you Friday. But his text told you otherwise.

[Jung Hoseok][14:15PM]: Hey Y/N, I’m going to pick you up at 6 okay? See you.

So, you have been spending some time now, curling your hair and put some makeup on, to match that beautiful blush gown you’re wearing tonight. You also have bought a pair of gold strappy heels to match with it. You feel nervous but excited at the same time, nervous because you don’t know how to behave with Hoseok, especially if this is indeed a date. But you also excited to see how people will react to your drawing.

Giving your lips a last touch of rosy hue lip tint, you take a closer look at yourself on the mirror. Everything looks okay, you look decent to go to a party, and if only you don’t have your baggage, you would enjoy it to the fullest. Having Hoseok in your arms, enjoying the night out, and maybe, maybe you can finally get that kiss… But, will it be fair for him and So Mi to carry your burden with you?

The sound of ringtone from your smart phone cuts your train of thoughts.

“Y/N? Are you ready? I’m downstairs.”

You look up at the clock and it is 6 on the dot. “Yes Hoseok, I’ll come down in a sec.” You gather your purse and phone and make your way outside your apartment.

There might be hundreds of times when you think Hoseok is literally the finest man you’ve ever laid your eyes own. Because how could someone look so good even in colorful pajama pants, baggy t-shirt and a beanie hat, but he always pulls that look for you. And don’t get you started when he dresses for work, sometimes casual sporty with cargo pants, long sleeve shirt and a funky vest, looks so cool and delectable. But of course, there’s a dark horse for his finest look, and that’s when he dresses formally, like now, in a double breasted dark grey suit and white shirt, a black leather belt adorning his slim waist, and the most dangerous feature is his hair swept back, exposing his forehead with his undercut on display, he looks extraordinarily gorgeous.

The said man is leaning into his wine-colored Hyundai Palisade, arms crossing in front of him. But when he heard your heels against the asphalt just in front of your building, he looks up to you and you swear his face lights up. He walks towards you, stretching his arm for you to take.

“Miss Y/N, you look so beautiful.” Lips kissing the back of your hand, sending heat waves to your lower region.

“Mr. Jung, likewise.” You giggle as Hoseok leads you to the passenger seat and swiftly opening the door for you, even holding your hand tightly to anchor you as you climb the SUV.

Once he buckles up, he ignites the car and steer the vehicle away. Crush’s Lay Your Head On Me softly playing while you look around to see the city lights sparkles under the moonlight.

“Y/N?”

You hum as you look to your side, Hoseok’s eyes still on the road.

“About the other day.”

You hum again, Hoseok takes a side glance for a second, and then look straight up to the road.

“I feel like you closing up on me, is that true?”

You freeze on your seat. Clearing your throat, you try your best to sound casual when you reply him. “What do you mean?”

“Let’s just be honest here, Y/N, I like you, I’m attracted to you, that’s why I asked you to come with me tonight. I thought I get the same feelings from you, but please enlighten me if I was mistaken.” Hoseok’s voice is serious and stern even though you see him glancing sideways at you again and gives you a small smile.

“I…” You are very nervous to have this conversation with him, God knows how you have tried to avoid it, but seems like tonight you don’t have anywhere to hide. You fiddle with the chiffon of your skirt but suddenly, Hoseok’s left hand takes yours in his, giving you a squeeze.

“Please don’t hesitate to say whatever you want with me.”

“Hoseok… it’s just… you know I can’t offer you anything.” Tears pricked on your eyes as you look away to the left side.

“What do you mean anything? You are a whole human being Y/N, are you hesitating because you… because…” He hesitates to finish his words but you know he knows it.

“Because I can’t give you a child? Yes. I know that this sounds way so serious for a first date, and I may be way out of my mind to think about this way future with you, but I don’t want to be just a passer-by in someone’s life. I’d rather be on my own and it’s okay.”

A tear escapes your eyes and rolls over your blushed cheek. “I… I treasure you and So Mi so much, I’d rather have you as friends than being with you and then have to leave you guys one day.”

Hoseok unclasps your hand for a moment as he manoeuvred the car into a parking lot on the basement of the store’s building. You just realize that you indeed have reached your destination.

He unbuckles his seatbelt and adjust in his seat so he can look at you.

“Y/N listen to me, I completely understand your concern, and I want you to know that, it’s not easy for me too. It’s the first time, after 4 years that I… I really wanted to move on… I would always feel guilty whenever I feel just the slightest bit attraction towards another woman.” He chuckles a bit. “But maybe it’s Hee Young’s way of telling me that it was not the right person.”

He takes both of your hands, intertwined his fingers in between yours. “But I think, you are exceptional, you are perfect just the way you are.”

“Hoseok…”

“At first, I’m mesmerized at how good you are with So Mi, she always has the biggest smile on her face whenever she talks about you and it really warms my heart… But more than that, I’m completely astounded of how strong you are, for me, your scar is the thing that makes you more beautiful.”

You sniffle, his words are like poetry to your ear, you need to shake your head a little just to make sure that you are alive and this is all happening in reality, not in your dreams.

“Are you seeing me as perfect? Is that why you’re scared?” Hoseok takes a tissue and dab the tears from your cheek carefully, minding the effort you’ve put for your makeup.

You nod quietly.

“Well, I’m not Y/N, I’m full of baggage myself, I’m scarred, just as you are, and maybe that’s what makes us good for each other? You make me want to get out of my grieve, and I, I want to try to help you to accept yours.” He kisses your hand gently.

“What if in the future, you want another child Hoseok? I can’t give it to you and I will not be able to live with your disappointment…”

“Y/N… we have So Mi, and if we really want to have child of our own later, we can always adopt, there are many children out there waiting for a home to come to, we can give them that too.”

“But… it’s not your flesh and blood, will you be okay with that?”

“Will you?” He asks back.

“I’ve always thought of doing it later in life… to be honest…” You confess. Yes, you have been thinking about it, if maybe in the future, when you are already settled in life, you want to adopt a child and care for him/her as your own. You never thought the possibility of sharing that dream with someone else.

“It settles then, if you want it then I will support you.”

“But how about you? I mean, I don’t have any choices, but you have Hoseok.” You caress his cheek just because you really are touched with how beautiful his mind is.

“And I choose you.” He kisses your palm. “Come on, let’s go inside, you’ve worked hard to dress up tonight, let’s not ruin your makeup before people can see how beautiful you are.”

You smile and nod, praying silently for Hee Young, may she rest in peace and love, and if you are allowed to love Hoseok as much as she did, you would be the luckiest woman alive.

“Miss Y/N! Oh my God, your drawing is incredible, it’s so pretty and really suited our space!” Taeri, one of Hoseok’s team running to you when you are stepping into the girl’s section of the store. It’s almost 30 minutes after you’ve arrived, but Hoseok had been introducing you around to some people from his office and also the associates and vendors.

There’s no absolute reason for Hoseok to be more attractive than he is, but he always proves you wrong. Seeing him discussing work, looking very serious and attentive ignites more flames inside you, and it makes you very restless. The occasional brush of his hand on your lower back when he steers you from one group of people to another also adds the butterflies straight into your stomach.

“Thank you so much Taeri, you also helped me a lot with everything.” You hug each other.

“Oh no no, Mr. Jung was right, you are very talented, don’t tell anyone but I think I’ve heard that they would ask for another art for stores in another branch!” Taeri claps her hands in excitement and you can’t help to get excited with her too.

“Has Mr. Jung introduced you to the Manager from Incheon area?”

You glance at Hoseok who is deep in talks with Mr. Han, one of the top vendors in the company. “No, I don’t think so Taeri.”

“Come on, let me introduce you to Mr. Lee.” She takes your wrist and pulls you closer to whisper in your ear. “Fair warning, he’s so handsome!” She giggles.

You laugh lightly at her, Taeri is a fiery young woman, very outgoing and friendly, that’s why it was easy for you to get closer to her even after the art project is done. You never told her about the dynamic between Hoseok and you though because you don’t want to put Hoseok in a tight spot since he’s technically her boss.

“Mr. Lee, let me introduce you to the artist whose drawing you’ve praised earlier, this is Ms. Y/L/N Y/N.”

“Good evening Ms. Y/L/N, it’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Lee Junho, General Manager from Incheon Area.” He outstretches his hand for a shake and you take his. Taeri was not exaggerating when she said he’s handsome, because he really is. Fluffy wavy hair, jet black suit on, black shirt and a deep emerald green tie, he is definitely attractive.

“Nice to meet you too Mr. Lee.” You nod respectfully.

“Champagne Ms. Y/L/N?” He hands you a flute while taking one for himself too.

“Thank you.” You take the flute and sip on the gold liquid slowly. Taeri excuses herself as she suddenly receives a call.

“So Ms. Y/L/N, I see your work really are match with the artist herself.”

“Oh, why is that Mr. Lee?”

“Both equally beautiful.” He winks as he sips his champagne slowly.

Oh so he’s a charmer too. You give him a polite smile. “You’re giving us both too much credit Mr. Lee.”

“Please call me Junho, and I’m most certainly not. I’m interested to have your art too for Incheon stores if you’re up for it?”

“Oh I’m flattered Mr. Lee, but really, it’s just a doodle of mine…”

“Well, Ms. Y/L/N, your “doodle” is currently hung at our main store in Seoul, so I’m sure the Visual Merch team had approved it, and that’s enough validation for me.” Junho moves closer to you, gesturing his flute to meet yours in a salute.

As you were about to move your flute to cheers with him, a hand snuck its way around the back of your waist, making you let out a little gasp in surprise.

“Here you are, I’ve been looking for you.” Hoseok whispers just above your ear but loud enough for Junho to hear.

Just as you are trying to find words for yourself. Hoseok extends his right hand towards Junho, his left still snuck behind your waist, pulling you a little closer to his side. “Hey Junho, how’s it going?”

Junho smirks at him, catches the way he subtly claims you as his. “I’m great man, just talking to Ms. Y/L/N here, fabulous art she created, propose her to do it for our Incheon stores too if she’d like.”

“She is, isn’t she?” Hoseok kisses the crown of your head as he smirks back at Junho. “Would you like to do it sweetheart?”

You blush at his pet name, also a little bit confused at how confident he is to be calling you that in an office environment. “Yes… I think it would be great, don’t you think?”

“I’m supporting any of your decision, that’s for sure.”

“Anyways, Ms. Y/L/N, our team will be in contact for the details, and Hoseok, great to see you man, come by anytime and we’ll eat at that barbecue spot you love so much.” Junho dismisses himself with a nod.

“Sure, I’ll text you Junho.”

You are about to ask more questions when Hoseok grabs your hand and leads you out to the main store area and finally to the elevator towards the basement parking lot.

“Are we going home now?” You peer at him, seeing him clenches his jaw a bit.

“Let’s just leave first.” He answers shortly, taking your hand again into the elevator once it opens.

“Wouldn’t people be looking for us, we haven’t said goodbye to Taeri and then…”

But your words are cut short when Hoseok hovers over you, hand cupping your jaw gently but firm. “I can just text them later, but Y/N, this can’t wait, can I kiss you? please?” Leaning his forehead against yours, you can feel his breathe on your lips. Unable to form a word, you tug at his suit’s lapel to close your lips upon his.

The electrifying feeling all over your body is definitely something you won’t easily forget. The tingling sensations within your stomach, the giddy feelings of your head, as if your body is floating on air. But there’s not much things you can think about when Hoseok pulls your nape closer, deepening the kiss. You move along with him, following the sensual rhythm of his lips. When he prods his tongue along your lips, you open your mouth a little bit, to give him more access exploring your warm cavern.

With a last soft bite on your lower lips, he pulls back, chest heaving, eyes darken and hazy, stilling on yours. His hands are still cupping your jaw, thumb stroking the apple of your cheeks lazily.

“I’m sorry Y/N, but I can’t see you with other man like that, all I want to do is to claim you as mine.”

The elevator door opens at Basement 1, just where Hoseok parked his car. He takes your hand again, intertwining your fingers in his as he opens the door to your side, placing his right hand just above your head to make sure you don’t bump onto the car.

Once he gets inside, you waste no time to pull him towards you for another kiss. All your insecurities and doubts evaporate when you see the determination in his eyes tonight. You’ve never felt that wanted in your life, and for once, you wanted to let go. You want to savor him just the way he is, and if God forbid you don’t work out, you will soldier through it. But for now, you want him just as much as he wants you and you need to show him that.

Your hand travels to his hair and down towards the back of his neck, scraping the ends of his dark brown locks. While his are moving up and down your shoulders to your arms, eventually one hand squeezing your waist making you whimper. He gives you one last peck before coming up for air.

“Come back to my place?”

You brush the strand of hair falling on his forehead and nod. “Okay.”

The journey home fills with thick tension that makes both of you unable to speak much, however Hoseok keeps his left hand over your thigh, slowly caressing whenever he’s able to, sending shivers running down your spine. You are anxious for sure because, you haven’t told him yet, but you haven’t had sex with someone for a long long time. Ever since you moved to Seoul, you haven’t been intimate with anyone, not only because you’re scared about relationships but also you’re just very shy.

The car parks seamlessly outside Hoseok’s house. He kisses your temple before going out and opening your door. Since there, everything feels like a blurry scene from a movie, from the moment Hoseok gets down on his knee to unstrap your heels, to the way he carries you bridal style to his room, that you’ve never ventured before no matter how many times you’ve been here.

He slowly lowers you down to sit on the edge of his bed, while he towers over you. His hand caresses your cheek gently, even when his eyes are dark with lust.

“Y/N, sweetheart… I want you, all of you, so much, will you let me have you tonight?” He gets down to his knees again, in between your legs, hands slowly hiking the skirt of your dress up to accommodate more of himself, closer to you.

You lean over to kiss him slowly. “I want you to… but, I haven’t done this for a long while…” You say timidly.

He looks at you with eyes full of adoration. “Me too, I haven’t been with anyone too since…”

You cup his cheeks with both of your hands. “Wanna get lost together then?”

He kisses you with urgency now, hands sneaking inside your skirt that’s now pooled around your thighs, making you whimper with needs. Yours are busy too, unbuttoning his suit’s jacket, helping him taking it off without stopping the kiss. Once you throw the jacket away, your hands go down to untuck the white shirt from his slacks. He helps you unbuttoning the shirt and again, the clothing is thrown to the other side of the room while you two giggle.

His kisses travel to your jaw and slowly lower to your neck, while his hands go behind your back to unzip your dress. When it hits the end of the zipper just on your lower back, he slowly slides off the dress down your shoulder, exposing your nude silky strapless bra.

“God, you’re beautiful.” He captures your lips for another kiss, while his hands slither around your shoulders and finally find the clasp of your bra before releasing your tits out of its confine.

Soft moans escaping your lips when he palms you over, calloused fingers thumbing your hardened nipples, you’re sure the matching nude panty you’re wearing are soaking wet now. Becoming more and more restless with the way Hoseok touching your body, you tug on his belt, and hurriedly unbutton and unzip his grey slacks.

With the pants loosely hung around his waist, Hoseok rises up to his feet and pick you up by your waist, moving you further up on bed. You both let out another giggle as he tries to tuck down your gown, wiggling around, you help him to take the rest of your underwear, leaving you bare under his stare.

Instinctively, you cross your arms around your chest and look slightly away. Hoseok leans down, kissing you slowly while unwrapping your arms away from your chest.

“You don’t need to be shy around me ever again, sweetheart.” He mumbles between kisses. His hand guide yours to palm the bulge on his pants. Gasping a little feeling his erection for the first time, you gather all the confidence in you and start squeezing it gently, earning hisses from him.

“See how hard you made me? You’re gorgeous.”

While he kisses all the way to your chest, tongue circling around your buds, you raise your knee a bit to put some pressure in between his leg, making him squirm. With every groan and moan coming out of his mouth, not only your arousal keeps building up but also your confidence. Ensuring you that he wants you as much as you want him.

“Hnhh… Hoseok…” Your fingers threading his brown locks as he envelopes your tits. Suddenly the urge to please him kicks in you, as you try to push him back and sit back up on the bed.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Hoseok’s concern face melts your heart.

“I… I want to make you feel good…” You tug on his waistband.

“Are… are you sure?”

You nod eagerly, tugging down his pants along with his boxer. His fully erected dick slaps on his abdomen, veiny shaft pulsing with glistening precum oozing from the head. Your confidence falters a bit just because you kind of taken aback by how big actually it is, would it fit in your mouth? And what if you accidently scratch your teeth on it, you don’t want to hurt him…

“Y/N… sweetheart… it’s okay, we’ll take it slow okay?” Hoseok caresses your cheek again, still amazes you of how incredibly sweet he is, but you know it must be painful for him to hold back, so you need to get yourself together.

You reach both of your hands to engulf his shaft tentatively, and when you peer up at him, you can see how even a single touch from you really affect him that much, his eyes closed, head thrown back a bit. His hands cover yours to help you move up and down, covering his length with his precum.

“Sweetheart, put a little bit more pressure on it please…” He squeezes your hands and you understood the assignment.

“Hoseok, why don’t you sit down, I can do this…” You tug him down and he follows suit, making his way to lean back against the bed’s headboard.

You position yourself across his knees, just when you about to lean down and take his length into your mouth, he cups your jaw and kisses your lips.

“You are doing amazing, you know that right?” With his words of affirmation, your chest swells with pride and even more determination to make him feel good tonight.

You nod and start licking his shaft right from the base towards the tip. With several more licks, you grow more confident and open your mouth as wide as you can, taking all his length into your warm mouth.

“Ah, shit, Y/N…” Hoseok’s hands create a makeshift ponytail of your hair and guide you to move your head up and down.

You squeal a bit when his tip meets the back of your throat, but the way he squirms and hisses makes you feel aroused rather than hurt, absentmindedly you move around, brushing your wet folds against his knees. Moaning at the friction, Hoseok feels even more pleasure with the vibration within your mouth.

“Baby, baby, stop, please, I don’t wanna cum now.” He holds your head from continue bobbing. Releasing his dick from your mouth, you come up for air, wiping your dripping saliva from the corner of your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Come here.” He motions you to sit further up on his lap. Lips capturing yours for the nth time tonight. One of his hand travels south to your core, thumbs circling around your pulsing clit, making you moan against his lips.

“Please… please… Hoseok…”

He hums against your mouth. “What is it sweetheart?”

He inserts his middle finger slowly inside your sopping folds. Pumping one finger in, exploring your spongey walls.

“Feels so good…” You move your hips quicker against his finger.

“Yeah? Ready for one more okay sweetheart, I need to stretch you out.”

With that said, he inserts his ring finger and thrusting even more quickly, making you moan louder. Closing your mouth on his jaw to mute yourself, your arms are thrown around his neck, while your hips ride his fingers desperately.

“Oh my God!” You can’t hold back your scream when you feel like something inside your stomach is about to snap. Hoseok’s fingers keep scissoring inside your clenching walls and he can feel you’re about to come. So he put more pressure on your clit with his thumb, lips making way to your tits to stimulate you further.

“Come on sweetheart cum for me, I know you’re close, let go for me.”

Within seconds, you feel the knot within your stomach snaps, dotted stars behind your closed eyelids, hips jerking and then weakens against Hoseok’s thighs. Heart still beating rapidly when you feel his hand tucking loose strands to the back of your ear. He kisses your sweaty forehead gently.

“I need to see your face the next time you cum, you’re so beautiful.”

Hoseok then lifts you up to lay you back down on his bed. Stroking your hair, he holds himself with his elbows above you, eyes filled with adoration.

“I like you so much Ms. Y/N, do you know that?”

You can’t help but giggle. “I like you too Mr. Jung, so so much.” Feeling his hardened dick brush against your wet folds, you gasp.

“Do you trust me? I don’t have any condom with me Y/N, but I haven’t been with anyone I promise.” He kisses your forehead.

“I trust you, and I too haven’t been with anyone.” You hold his hardened length and guide it into your warm entrance, legs widening even more to accommodate him closer.

Once his tip slides in, you both moan in unison. Been deprived from intimacy for so long, you both savors each passing seconds as he pushes further and further inside. It hurts for you, not going to lie, but the pleasure it brings overwhelms your other senses. Your heart filled with adoration and love for this man that every surface of yours touched by him makes your heart flutters.

“Is it hurt?” He caresses your cheek.

You shake your head, taking his nape closer to you, you kiss him with fervor while your hips ruts against his, silently pleading for him to move.

He starts to thrust languidly, concern that you will get hurt if he picks up the pace even though he desperately wants to. But to his surprise, you’re the one who raises your hips to meet his thrust hastily, making it harder for him to hold back.

“Shit, slow down sweetheart, won’t last long if you keep doing that.”

Your hold in his forearms tighten. “Msorry… it’s just… feels so good, please…”

Feeling he can’t hold it in any longer, Hoseok puts your thighs above his elbows and start thrusting in faster pace, eager to reach that high with you.

“Oh God, oh God, oh God.” You clench his bedsheets tighter, feeling your high is approaching.

“Baby, I’m gonna cum.”

“Cum inside, cum inside me.” Your breathing becomes more labored now you can feel you’re really close. Sneaking your hand down to your clit, you rub your finger in circling motion, and with Hoseok’s rapid thrusts, your orgasm hit you with another delirious wave.

The additional clenching from your pussy pushes Hoseok over his edge as he spurts ropes of cum inside your walls, hips stuttering against your pelvis, he lets out a satisfied sigh while he sits back on his knees, your thighs still spreading over his. Mixture of your cum and his dripping slowly from your swollen pussy as he slowly takes his softening dick out.

“Wait here.” He kisses your forehead before getting down from the bed and makes his way to the door just besides his drawers, that you assume must be the bathroom.

He comes back to bed in just few minutes with a damp towel. “Let me clean you up.” He wipes the drying cum from between your thighs thoroughly, making you letting out quiet giggles because you feel ticklish in some areas. With another towel, he wipes the sweat off your foreheads, and from your arms, even in between the valley of your breasts.

He kisses you again on the lips. “Go pee sweetheart, bathroom is over there okay, I’ll get you some water from downstairs.” He takes your hand to guide you up. Then, he takes a pair of pajama pants from his drawer before putting it on and goes outside the bedroom.

You slowly walk to his bathroom, the black and white granite with black brass faucets and showerhead is minimalistic yet very stylish. The smell of sandalwood from a reed diffuser adds calming and relaxing mood. Toiletries are lining up neatly above the countertops. You can’t help but smiling widely, being allowed to be in Hoseok’s personal space like now. Seeing a white bathrobe hanging behind the door, you decided to wear it before going back to the bedroom.

“There you are, have some drink okay.” Hoseok motions you to the glass of water on his nightstand. He himself is standing just near his desk where you see a Harman Kardon speaker, and in no time, you can hear Lullaboy’s Someone Like You playing softly.

You sit on the edge of his bed, just admiring the movement of his back muscles. Hoseok is lean, but he definitely has strong muscles as you could feel it under your touch just minutes ago. Your eyes suddenly meet with his as he turns and makes his way to you. Sitting just besides you, he takes your hand and kisses it.

“Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?”

You shake your head, adjusting in his bed so you can look straight at him, you circle your arms around his neck.

“Hoseok?”

“Yes?”

“Do you feel guilty?”

You can feel him taken aback by your question, but you know you needed to ask him this. He looks down for a moment, and you give him the space he needs.

“I… I don’t think I do… if anything, I feel, relieved?”

You knit your eyebrows questioningly.

“I feel like… all the weight in my heart just disappear… like I’m at peace, I think Hee Young will like you too if she’s still around, that’s why I feel relieved.”

You hug him tightly, burying your face on his neck.

“I… For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel lonely anymore…”

He tightens your embrace and kisses your temple. “Me too… you wanna come along tomorrow to pick So Mi up?”

You pull back from him, cupping his cheeks. “Isn’t she with your mom and sister?”

“Yup, wanna introduce you to them if you don’t mind.” His eyes sparkling with excitement you can’t help but giggle again.

“You think they’ll be okay? You with me?”

“Sweetheart, they’ll love you as much as I do, I can guarantee that.”

5 years later

“Jung So Mi, you ready to meet your little brother?”

The young girl stands up abruptly from the grey couch of the living room when she hears her father’s voice.

“Oh my God, he’s here??” She jumps up and down excitedly. Her long jet-black hair bouncing around.

Hoseok helps you with the baby bag as you take careful steps towards the living room, carrying 8 months old baby boy named Jung Dae Hyun.

2 years ago, Hoseok asked you to marry him, and also to legally adopted So Mi as your daughter. So Mi was very happy to have you as her mother, even though you always remind her that Hee Young should always live inside her heart as her birth mother, and to always send prayers her way.

Life had been very fulfilling for the three of you, until just a year ago, Hoseok brought up the conversation. Thinking that if you still had the dream of adopting another child, you should start the process as it could take you some time to comply all the legal activities. Initially you told him that having So Mi is enough for you, but Hoseok knew you better, that you would always want to raise a baby. All the legal and administrational activities finally brought you to this day, with Dae Hyun in your arms, all giggling and smiling.

“He’s so cute, oh my God!” 9 years old So Mi can easily hold Dae Hyun in her arms, pinching his chubby cheeks.

“Oh my God, congratulations you two, he’s so precious, Dae Hyun isn’t it?” Hoseok’s mother joins you from the kitchen as she takes off her apron and put it on the kitchen island.

“Thank you eomma.” You hug her tightly as she pats your hair. Hoseok had been right all years ago when he said that his family would welcome you with open arms. That you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or afraid with your condition. His mother, father and sister really treated you as if you are their own family member.

“Is your mother & father coming in today Y/N?” She asks while cooing at Dae Hyun.

“Yes eomma, they will come later to see him.”

“He’s so precious, isn’t he?” She then takes him from So Mi’s arms.

“He is.” You pinch Dae Hyun’s cheek again and give your mother in law’s cheek a peck.

Hoseok put his arms around your waist from behind, head resting on your shoulder, watching his mother and daughter playing around with his youngest son.

“How do you feel sweetheart?” He whispers in your ear, kissing your earlobe gently.

“Happy, very very happy.” You glance at him on your side, planting a sweet kiss on his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He kisses you back.

“Now we are complete, aren’t we?” You lean back to him, basking in the precious moment.

“We always are sweetheart.”

Author’s Note: Thank you very much for reading Findng Hope and I hope that you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. As always, comments and feedbacks are really appreciated. Stay safe and healthy everyone!!

#jung hoseok #jhope #bts jhope #hoseok x reader #jhope fluff #hoseok fluff #jhope ff #hoseok ff #jhope x reader #hoseok smut #jhope smut #bts smut #bts fic recs #jung hoseok fanfic

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ressjeon · 3 years

Text

ghost of you | jhs

pairing: jung hoseok x female reader

summary: he keeps begging you to go, but you insist on staying

genre: childhood best friend!au, angst, slow burn, drama, little bit of fluff

warnings: implied smut (brief affair), swearing, alcohol consumption

word count: 12k (whoops more than planned)

a/n: so this is my very first full fic whew. there’s been last minute changes so I procrastinated but do listen to the song of the same title by 5 Seconds of Summer while reading this :)

and since this is VERY late from his birthday i just decided to submit it to @houseofddaeng’s Happy Hobiuary event this year and i chose a comeback look with my favourite hair colour on him, this was from the Euphoria MV ❤️

Clearing your throat, you got the attention of everyone at the table. Now all eyes on you, you feel your confidence starting to falter. Who fucking cares, this monthly dinner with Hoseok's family is the best time for this.

"Um..so me and Hobi were thinking.." you eyed Hoseok beside you to help you continue explaining what you both have been planning for weeks.

"Y/N and I are thinking of getting a house together" Hoseok smiled back at you and you flushed.

"You wanna live together! Omg my ship is sailing!" Hoseok's sister Jiwoo is squealing while poking your sides. You just glared at her, eyeing her to stop just in case Hoseok catches on.

"N-no, not like that, we'll share a house near our campus" you clarified but the knowing look from your Mom is making you nervous, she can always read you. "Yeah, cause the dorms in uni are separated but we don't want to live apart" Hoseok chimed in cheerfully, putting an arm around your shoulder.

"Well then, of course. Who are we to stop you both" Hoseok's Dad smiled at you both and you felt his Mom's teasing eyes when you nuzzled into Hoseok's side. Your parents have not said anything and you contemplated asking, now anxiously holding Hoseok's hand beside you. His parents looked at yours hopefully and then your Dad finally decided to face you both.

"You both are now adults so do whatever you want" a look of surprise etched up on your face and you resisted to smile broadly, maintaining your cool exterior when you're actually screaming inside of happiness.

You can't help but think that this could possibly help you develop your relationship with Hoseok on another level.

After settling down, things are going well with you and Hoseok welcoming freshman year of university together. You're just glad that he never changed despite him gaining more friends because of his bright personality.

Meanwhile, you're the opposite. Literally people avoid you when they see you or seem hesitant every time you make a conversation which is bs so you eventually give up on making new friends. Hoseok once told you that you have this “hostile” aura, though he tried to convince you to still try but you don’t care anymore. Him has always been enough.

Most people wonder how you and Hoseok are best friends because of how opposite the two of you are. There is one thing that you and Hoseok share a hobby though, dancing. Which is why after the house was purchased, you both decided to transform the basement into a mini dance studio, it’s literally just a room with full wall mirrors and of course, only his family supported the idea.

"We'll pay you back after we graduate, promise!" you giggled excitedly, both of your hands clasping together, thanking Hoseok’s parents for being supportive. Finally you can dance freely now that you are out of your parents' lair, they were never supportive of you venturing in the arts anyways.

Though you haven't actually delved into dancing fully, Hoseok knows how good you are since every time he sees you secretly practicing, he always gets mesmerized with your moves. You've never taken any dance lessons and yet you're already this good, a natural hence why Hoseok decided that he’s gonna help you in going back to it fully this time.

"Let's choreograph a dance together" Hoseok beamed at you while you both are eating breakfast one morning.

"Wait what? Why all of a sudden?" you pouted, looking at him in confusion. Though his idea is amazing, you're not sure if you're good enough compared to Hoseok. He's dancing skills are out of this world with years of professional experience and you're just, well, you who only dances for fun.

"Why not? Y/N you're naturally talented you know, I don't know why you can't see it" Hoseok smiled warmly at you and reached out to hold your hand across the countertop. You almost choked with your toast when you looked at his eyes so you covered it with a cough.

"Pshh fine, be patient with me okay? I'm not as good as you" you jokingly glared at him, snatching back your hand. You hope that the shade of the morning sunlight is covering your blush cause you definitely felt your cheeks heating up.

Yeah you have feelings for him. Yeah you love him, so what? It's not like you can stop yourself in developing them. You tried but with a guy like Hoseok, that's impossible. Though you've been planning to confess, you just don't have the perfect timing yet.

After a few weeks, you are planning to confess to Hoseok tonight so you texted him to meet at your favorite restaurant at 8pm. You said it's your treat so he promised to be there, I mean he never breaks his promises anyways.

You're feeling jumpy for the first time, well it's different since it's Hoseok. After years of keeping your feelings, you're finally ready to tell him. Funny how brave you are in everything else except for this one, you smiled to yourself. You were early at the restaurant and laughed at yourself. Okay maybe you're too excited on what's going to happen tonight. Minutes passed after 8 and he still hasn't come so you readied yourself while waiting for him.

He's late, I mean you shouldn't be panicking since it's only been a couple of minutes but you can't help getting worried so you texted him. You mentally giggled, adoring the cute nickname you have for him that you only change when you’re alone. You always set it back to “Hoseok” afterwards in case he calls you in public, especially at uni.

[Hobi loml <3: Hobi are you almost here?]

You didn't wanna be too pushy. One text is enough and you took a deep breath while waiting for him. The waiter stopped by but you dismissed him saying that your companion will be here any minute now.

45 minutes have passed and he's still not here. You waited for more and it’s now 9:30 so you’re agitated now.

[Hobi loml <3: Hobi? Are you still coming?]

When you didn't get a reply, you smiled bitterly and just asked the same waiter to take out the food you ordered. He looked at you sympathetically but good thing he didn't say anything.

Arriving at your shared home, you noticed that the lights were off. So he’s not even home, where tf could he possibly be at this hour. Just when you were about to call him, you received a text from Hoseok but a guy named Jimin is telling you that Hoseok is with them and that he would be staying the night at the boys’ dormitory.

So not only he forgot the formal dinner you prepared but he stood you up, basically ditching you to be with his new friends. He broke his promise..

You’re wondering if this is only the beginning of him breaking his promises to you.

A few months after that night, you notice that there’s something changing in Hoseok. You barely see him anymore since he spends a lot of time now with his other friends, but at least he still comes home at night and treats you the same. You’ve been waiting for a perfect time but you don’t want to delay your confession any longer so you decided to corner him one night after dinner.

“Hoseok, can we talk?” you muttered and he eyed you curiously.

“About what? And why are you fidgeting?” he coaxes you on, raising his eyebrows.

You straightened yourself and reached out to hold both of his hands, clutching them tightly.

Then staring into his eyes, you poured all your emotions on them as you declared what’s been deep down your heart for so many years.

“I like you, Hoseok” you smiled lovingly at him while his eyes widened in complete shock. His silence along with puzzled eyes looking back at you is making your heartbeat faster every second of him not doing anything.

“Y/N..” his voice came out unsure, I mean his face gave it all so now you’re very nervous.He probably thinks you’re just playing around and you’re getting restless.

“Hoseok, I’m serious okay?” you try to sound determined though your confidence is slowly dissipating.

Back in silence, you can tell he’s been trying to be careful with his words, maybe to try not to hurt you. God if he rejects you-

“I don’t know what to say, uhm..thanks?” if this is in another situation you would’ve thought how adorable he is scratching the back of his head.

Hoseok doesn’t know how to respond to you. He knows you’re usually upfront in most things but he didn’t expect this from you. He’s literally clueless on what to say but you’re his best friend so he trusts you.

What the hell got into you to think that a confession would be so simple. Well, you just decided to break the usual “I’ve been in love with my best friend for so long but I don’t want to ruin our friendship” thing. Not that there’s wrong with that, it’s very hard for some people to do so. So here you are, just finished confessing your feelings to your best friend and for the first time you’re nervous around him.

“Was I supposed to say ‘you’re welcome’?” you huffed, trying to act dismissive. “So what’s your answer? Again I told you I wasn’t joking, I like you Hoseok”. He gulped, you only use his real name when you’re very serious but he literally thought you were trying to prank him earlier or something.

“Uhm, can you give me some time?” he looks at you with hopeful eyes.

Fuck. You’re making him uncomfortable. Fuck.

“Shit, Hobi I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-” he cuts you off before you can even continue.

“No, no, it’s not that.. It’s just-” he paused and breathed deeply, gathering his thoughts.

“I totally understand if-” you’re already panicking given that you're now speaking faster than usual.

“I’m not really sure how to be in a relationship, there.” He blurted, letting out a deep sigh that made you pause. You didn’t expect he would be just honest about the real reason at the moment so you smiled at him.

“It’s okay Hobi, we can take it slow and-” you’re already saying too much but who cares, it’s not like he rejected you so there must be something, right?

“Look, um I can’t give you a real answer yet but I trust you so I want us to give a chance ‘kay?” his tone shifting softly while shuffling your hair, walking away outside after.

You pouted but nodded anyways. Hoseok’s glad that he got out of the conversation smoothly, at least now he’s relieved since you’re back to calling him “Hobi”.

Honestly, he’s happy knowing about your feelings for him. Smiling brightly at the night sky outside in the backyard of your shared home, thinking how he made his ever-confident best friend nervous just for a confession.

A ding from his phone pulled him out from his reverie,

[Unknown: We need to talk. Answer me or else she’ll know ;)]

Hoseok already knows who this is, given that he had blocked her numbers for a while now. He just didn’t expect that she’ll go this far, even going after you now. He just hopes this would be like the other warnings that he was able to handle.

[Unknown: image.]

[Unknown: Still not gonna answer me? You have a day <3]

He couldn't move from where he’s standing, staring at his phone in shock. This couldn't be happening, despite his confusion earlier you actually made his day better (as usual) but he doesn't know if he will be for yours after this anymore. Still staring at the text, Hoseok couldn’t think straight after what he just read. He’s hoping it’s not real, praying to all the gods out there that it's not what he thinks it is.

[Him: Fine. Let’s meet at the nearest cafe, don’t you dare do something]

[Unknown: Yay! Can’t wait to see you, good night <3]

Retreating for the night he passed by your bedroom, only to see you asleep on your desks with some unfinished homework and he smiled, you’ve always looked beautiful even when you’re sleeping. He chuckled by himself at how adorable you are, with your habit of not locking your door when you're busy.

Waiting at the said cafe felt like eons for Hoseok. He's mostly nervous because of the texts, especially that image. Getting absorbed in his thoughts he didn't realize the pair of arms that’s latching on his shoulders from behind and he jerked in surprise.

"Hobi! Did you miss me?" a high-pitched voice startled him and looked up sideways to see a pretty girl with an innocent looking face, ironically."Don’t call me that" he released a defeated sigh, yanking his arms from her hold.

Ahn Sohye, the girl who’s been going after him since the start of the school year that he has been desperately avoiding. Hoseok's bracing himself to whatever craziness she has in for him this time, doing his best to focus in order to get the clarification he’s been wanting.

“Awee why that face? And what? Cause Y/N’s the only one allowed to call you that?” Sohye scoffed, a tone of jealousy in her voice. Hoseok just frowned at her and was about to leave but her expression quickly changed, a sly smile towards him with warning eyes.

“Look!” her demeanour suddenly changed as she eagerly handed him a printed picture, and time stopped immediately.

An ultrasound picture.

No.

no,no,no,no.

“What the fuck is this?” he hissed at her, incredulous eyes now mixed with anger.

“Our little one of course” she squealed excitedly, batting her lashes at him.

“Stop fucking around with me Sohye, this isn’t funny anymore” Hoseok’s usually calm but his patience have been tested for weeks already and it’s getting worse but this one is beyond anything the girl has done before.

“Why are you so concerned anyways?” Hoseok gave her a look and she smiled mischievously. He went silent, eyes skeptical.

“Ah, her.” she quipped, a smile not faltering and that made Hoseok uneasy.

He’s having a hard time adjusting to everything. Is he really going to be a dad? Not that he hates kids but why does it have to be now? After you confessed? Everything’s been going well for him, for you both.

“This is the last straw Sohye, don’t you dare” Hoseok grits his teeth. You can’t find out about this. You just can’t. The memory of your saddened expression because of his lack of response suddenly flashed through his eyes. He doesn't wanna let you down any more than you already are.

“Why not? Won’t she support you? You guys are best friends after all” she mused. Yes, both you and Hoseok have been since you were little, but something definitely shifted from the platonic feelings he had for you after that night. He still wants to wait it out to be sure, but it’s definitely more than how normal friends would feel and apparently you are already feeling it way longer than him and he didn’t even ask when so now he feels way worse than before.

“You don’t understand, we-” Hoseok paused. He doesn’t want her to know, though there’s no point since Sohye seems to be getting the message already. He just didn’t want to show any signs that will confirm her suspicions.

“It’s not mine. No way in hell that’s mine” Hoseok’s rambling to himself in distress, he doesn’t know who he’s trying to convince other than himself.

“Of course it’s yours, that party remember? 2 months ago?” she cooed at him. His eyebrows are creasing together trying to rack his memory of what party Sohye is talking about.

“I don’t think you would remember any of it, you were very drunk” she giggled and that caused Hoseok to pale. That one party was hosted by one of Taehyung’s friends where he got so drunk that he didn’t remember anything the next day.

“No, that’s impossible. Taehyung told me I didn’t do anything rash that night”. Hoseok’s fidgeting right now. He’s usually careful, but that night his tolerance seems to get the best of him. Then he started remembering bits of pieces back...

“Hey, you’re the one who dragged me to the bed you know” she smirked, winking at him.“Why the fuck would I want you in bed with me?” he noticed his voice getting louder, as he was looking around the cafe people are already giving weird looks at their table.

“Here, watch” her smile, still annoyingly on like all of what she’s been planning this whole time has finally come to fruition.

A video. A fucking video taken by Sohye herself, but camera was on Hoseok only for the entire time. Of him calling her your name. Of him babbling about what he feels when you’re around. Of him letting all his emotions out in the open. He thought she was you, he was only seeing you when he’s drunk.

He’s speechless. He can’t think of what to respond to that one now. Sure the pictures can easily be dismissed but this video, this damn video is making him more helpless than he’s ever been already.

“So you see Hoseok, you can’t run away from me now” still frozen in his place he didn’t even swat her hand that she put them on top of him.

Meanwhile, you were just outside the cafe witnessing all of these happening. It’s not like you followed him here, you just happened to pass by since you’re going for groceries which is on the next block.

You know your best friend from the back of your hand. You can recognize him anywhere since you both have been inseparable ever since. So when you noticed his figure inside the cafe with someone, your heart clenched.

“Is he on a date?” you murmured to yourself. Is he? But why? You just confessed last night didn’t you? Is that why he didn’t give you an answer? Cause he’s already seeing someone and just didn’t want to hurt you? You recoil at the thought of him subtly rejecting you.

Hoseok couldn’t help but look sideways through the glass wall beside him to calm down and noticed someone standing there, looking straight at him.

He instantly jerked when he recognized it’s you.

You. Standing there, facing him and Sohye but now hurriedly leaving. He yanked his hands from her hold and immediately busted out through the door, hoping to catch you.

You don’t know why you started walking faster the moment he looked back at you from inside the cafe. Why the fuck were you even so obvious? He must think you’ve been spying on him or something.

“Y/N!” his voice is so loud calling you, but agitated. Hoseok doesn’t know why he suddenly has an urge to explain to you. To explain that what you saw was nothing to worry about.

You were fiddling your phone, pretending to look for something online when you felt his hand on your shoulder. Composing yourself, you faced him with a “surprise” look.

“Hobi, hi! I was going to get some groceries, do you want something specific?” you’ve put up a great acting which made Hoseok wonder if he was only imagining what he saw earlier.

“Uh, just buy my usual favorites hehe” his voice full of uncertainty. So he did really see you earlier lurking at him and his date. And Hoseok being Hoseok, didn’t confront you about it.

“Hobi! Wait for me” a woman’s voice suddenly interrupted you both and Hoseok paled as soon as he saw Sohye walking towards you both.

Please not now, please not yet-

“Oh you’re with someone” you’re trying to keep your voice neutral despite wanting to scream in frustration at the moment. You’re not gonna cry, you were never a crier anyways. No fucking way you’ll cry in front of Hoseok and his date.

You feel betrayed, even if Hoseok doesn’t owe you anything. It’s not like he answered you, did he? So he can do anything he wants to do, go on dates even if you already told him how you feel.

“Y-Y/N, it’s-” before Hoseok could explain the girl already gave out her hand to shake yours.

“It’s Sohye, Hoseok’s girlfriend”. She smiled at you, a knowing one. You know her of course, she’s the majority of Hoseok’s daily complaints to you since the beginning of the semester last year so now you’re really wondering how they are together now.

You stiffened. Your expression must be wavering since Hoseok tried to reach for you but she's already clinging into his arms to stop him.

You can’t crumble like this, you already looked pathetic from confessing to someone who’s already taken. But then it’s not like you know right? Hoseok would’ve told you the moment you confessed but he didn’t so maybe they JUST got together earlier inside?

“Uh Hi! Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N” you’re trying your best to show your most kindest smile even though they came out strained since you’re already dying inside.“Oh I know, Hobi told me a lot of things about you” she smiled at you, a feign one you see.

“Y/N-” you decided to cut him off, clearly you’ve interrupted something very important for them.

“I’m sorry I really have to go now, see you at home later Hoseok” you didn’t even look at his eyes and just turned away without letting him respond.

Hoseok’s distressed. He just hurt you again, and your expression earlier was even worse than the last time he saw you with it.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He’s a fucking coward and he knows it. He’s too nice to the point that his indecisiveness is causing the most important person of his life in pain.

“Why did you tell her that you’re my girlfriend when you’re clearly not? He barked but Sohye just laughed at him mockingly.

“Are you kidding me? You’re the father of my child so obviously you’re my boyfriend now” she retorted and Hoseok scoffed. “I’m not your fucking boyfriend and you better clarify it with Y/N”. He’s on edge right now, he knows what you’re feeling and he knows for sure that you’re mad at him.

“Anyways, I’ll update you later bye” and she kissed him on the cheek.

The thing is, you saw everything though. After turning around when you’re supposed to be going to the convenience store, you hid at the corner of the street. To watch them, to torture yourself even more.And when you saw Sohye left a kiss on his cheek while he’s still lost in thought, you finally left.

Arriving at the convenience store, you pulled your hoodie up trying to cover your face as much as you can. Don’t want any strangers looking at you weirdly while shopping with tears. After grabbing necessities, you proceeded to the meat section to get pork slices since Hoseok loves bulgogi. Your tears started to fall through after staring at the couple of sliced pork packs that reminded you of when you and him were having a picnic at the park.

You remember Hoseok doing the barbecues and you just stared at him the whole time, until this day you still wonder if he knew about you ogling him before. Staring at him while he’s cooking made you realize how in love you are with this boy. Not because of his handsome face but because of how he is naturally him. How his smile always brightens you up. How his sweet and caring nature made it really hard for you to quell what you feel for him anymore.

After Sohye left, Hoseok immediately went to the convenience store and saw you at the cash register, ready to pay. He cuts you off before you give out your card, “Here, I’ll pay” with a crooked heart shaped smile directly at you. Though you noticed the simmering guilt in his eyes.

“No Hobi, you paid last time so just let me” your voice came out colder than you intended it to be that made Hoseok more guilty.

The cashier was looking at you both and snickered “So who’s going to pay? I’m all for equality and shit but just decide. You young couples are always complicated” she groaned.

Both you and Hoseok are stunned with the lady’s insinuation, well obviously you can’t believe you were still blushing so you're thankful that your face is semi-covered.

“Uh-” you were about to explain that you’re not a couple but Hoseok cut you out of it. “Me, I’m paying” he smiled at her and she offered a satisfied shrug, murmuring something about how “gentleman” Hoseok is. Why didn’t he correct her?

Hoseok offered to carry all the bags but you insisted. He must be really feeling pity for you right now. After leaving the convenience store, you both were quiet. Way different than before where you both usually banter and throw jokes at each other when walking to home.

This awkwardness needs to end.

“So, is that why you couldn’t answer me before?” you turned to him, trying to sound bold. You just want to know the truth, since he already lied to you.

“Uh no, actually-” cutting him off of his explanation you scoffed. Listen to his explanation Y/N just listen..

“You should’ve been honest with me you know, is it really hard for you?” your voice came out weaker. Since when did you both start keeping secrets to each other? Sure you do harmless small lies but not as big as this.

“Yes, I was and Sohye isn’t my girlfriend” his voice rising with panic. Hoseok’s feeling it again, the need to clarify things to you. Maybe because he now knows what you feel? Or maybe because he just doesn't want to hurt you even more.

“You didn’t have to lie, I saw you both at the cafe clearly on a date” you stated coldly.

“That wasn’t it, you’re misinterpreting everything” his voice went quieter, now pleading.

“It’s alright Hoseok, can we drop the subject now” you glared at him and walked faster towards your shared home.

Hoseok just sighed defeatedly, deciding to give you space since your mind is really closed for any explanation.

You wonder who’s going to “cook” since you can’t cook for shit but Hoseok’s pretty good though he’s very humble about it. Now that you both are in tension with each other, you were about to offer to buy take out when he beats you out of it again.

“I’ll cook, just let me Y/N” mimicking what you said earlier to him. Entering your bedroom, you gave out a big exhale to calm down and rationalize everything.

You’re being irrational and immature about the whole situation and it’s not fair for Hoseok. The smell of bulgogi made you come out of your room to the kitchen where he was preparing early dinner for you both.

A surprised gasp came out of your mouth the moment you saw how the dining table was arranged to like that of a formal date. With the fine plates and cutleries that you even forgot where you put, the mini candle light that you gifted him from last Christmas and the vase of daisies, your favourite.

“Hobi-” you started but he put his hands up to a stop.

“No, let me explain everything please” his usually warm and happy eyes look up at you sadly.

“Okay..”

“First of all, I’m sorry okay? I know you’re hurting already but please believe me when I tell you that me and Sohye are never together. She’s not my girlfriend and I didn’t lie in any means that night.” he’s fidgeting now because of nervousness.

“Hobi, I should be the one saying sorry to you for acting like that. You didn’t deserve it” you told him, voice lacing with emotion. You really grow weak when it comes to him.

Hoseok smiled with relief at you, you never show this emotional side to other people except him. He opened his arms wide and you didn’t hesitate to accept his embrace.

You stayed like that for a while, you being way calmer now because of his embrace and him running his hands through your hair while swaying you both slowly. As if doing this wouldn’t make you forgive him or something.

“Come, let’s eat. It's getting cold and oh, I cooked your favourite. I’m also making up for the dinner I missed last time” his usual sunny demeanour is back though an apologetic smile appeared on his heart-shaped lips.

“Thank you Hobi though this is too much for an apology, I can never hate you for so long” you chuckled, playfully hitting his arms.

After your make-up dinner, the atmosphere of your shared house went back to normal and you both decided to end the night with a movie.

Cuddling with him has always been your favorite. You just love skinship in general but you would never let anyone know that. You’re only like this to Hoseok anyways.

You both are debating again about the movie when you can feel the vibrations from his phone inside his pocket.

Hoseok grimaced the moment he looked at the name appearing on his phone. He looked at you but you didn’t seem to notice his reaction.

You did. Of course you did, it’s Sohye. His reaction gave it away but you pretended to be still immersed in the movie.

“Uh, I need to take this. Be right back hehe” he ruffled your hair with a strained smile and left to go outside. Props to him for being considerate, he’s trying to protect your already broken heart.

“What” he barked on the phone as soon as he answered Sohye’s call.

“Don’t snap at me Hoseok, did you tell her? She’s pretty down” she mused with fake sympathy on her voice.

“Is that really the only reason why you’re calling me?” Hoseok’s annoyed. This night was supposed to be a make-up night for you both and now she’s ruining it.

"No of course not, my parents want to meet you". Hoseok's blood ran cold. Sohye's parents..does this mean?

"Hey, are you even listening?!" Sohye screeched on the phone which made Hoseok put the phone away from his ears.

"Yeah I am, what the fuck do you mean meet your parents? No way" he responded with disbelief. He couldn't even wrap his head in the fact that he got someone pregnant accidentally when he was drunk and now he's already going to meet Sohye's parents?

"You will, I told them what happened and they want to meet the father of their soon to be grandchild. End of discussion" she stated coldly.

"Sohye-" before he can even try to plead to move things slow, the line went dead already.

An exhausted sigh came out of him with the new problem he's going to face from now on. Fuck.

Looking back at the house, he saw you at the doorway looking worriedly at him so he smiled to ease you.

Something's wrong. What's happening with him and Sohye? You didn't hear anything but you saw Hoseok's reaction to whoever he's calling.

You stopped him before he could continue.

"Is everything alright? you're trying to ease the obvious distress on his face but as usual he just shrugged.

"Yeah, don't worry it wasn't Sohye" his response seems flat and he couldn't look at your eyes so you're already suspecting that he's lying.

You pretended you didn't notice his lies and smiled back at him saying good night and retreats to your room.

You definitely noticed the changes in him after that night. He looks defeated and troubled every time you see him. Is this your fault? Did your confession cause all of this? But he would’ve told you differently, no?

It’s a miracle you’re catching him eating breakfast in the kitchen since had been avoiding you. “Hey Hobi you alright?” that seemed to shake him out of his thoughts.

“Y/N, hey you scared me” he chuckled awkwardly.

“Hobi what’s wrong? You know you can tell me anything right? I won’t judge”. He looks at you thoughtfully though you can't quite figure out what his eyes are telling you.

“I’m fine Y/N, just busy these days. You know how serious Yoongi is in this songwriting club that we just started” disappointment crossed your features at his dismissal of your concern. Maybe he just needs space, but it’s not like you’ve been clinging to him more than usual after your confession. Everything’s normal, even better, at least for you.

Hoseok flinched when he saw your disheartened face. He’s been trying to act like nothing’s going on even though he’s been frustrated on what to do next. He’s literally helpless. He needs to let this out to Namjoon since he knows he’s rational and would know what to do in any kind of situation.

“Oh okay, just tell me when you’re ready hmm?” you hoped that sounded less disappointed of him not opening to you. He didn’t even look at you when you hollered to say goodbye for class.

He couldn't look at you since he's afraid he'll slip up. He has to settle himself first before telling you. He wouldn't want to cause you any more pain so he needs to be prepared.

One morning, you woke up with the silent house. Maybe Hoseok went for an early jog so you helped yourself in the kitchen where you saw the breakfast that he already prepared.

“Had to leave early, here's your breakfast! :)” - Hobi <3

Ugh, why are you still not used to him being sweet when he was always like this? Okay maybe things just magnified once you realized your feelings for him.

You wonder where he went though. Sohye? Nah, you don't think so.You both just went back to normal so you're not going to be the reason to put you both in that awkward situation again.

You dismissed your thoughts and decided to do full house cleaning since it's the weekend. And hey, you kinda miss cleaning so-

The doorbell rang and you dropped your cleaning supplies to check. That's strange, you didn't order anything so it must be Hoseok's.

He's nervous. Scratch that, he's fucking terrified of meeting Sohye's parents. Not only that, he lied to you again. This one just an addition to the rising amount of lies he now seems easily to do to his best friend.

"Just relax, they're gonna love you" Sohye's trying to calm him down by caressing his arms but he pulled away.

"Are you sure that's even mine? How do I fucking know for sure?" he hissed and Sohye whined.

"Would I fucking involve my parents if this isn't serious? You didn't know the shit I went through after they found out" her voice came out meekly which surprised him.

Hoseok paused. He's been too absorbed of what's happening to him to the point that he didn't even think of what Sohye is feeling for all of this.

Sure she annoyed the fuck outta him but if this baby she's carrying is actually his, then Sohye's going to be one of his responsibilities too.

"What? I- I thought they were supportive Sohye" his voice is calm compared to the usual harshness and this startled her.

"We're still in university, this pregnancy will delay my graduation so duh" she tried to be dismissive about it but Hoseok can see the subtle troubled look in her eyes.

When they reached the Ahn residence, Hoseok's heartbeat seemed to multiply even more. Sohye intertwined their hands and he didn't bother stopping her because he couldn't really think of anything right now.

Sohye’s parents welcomed them both and guided them to the living room where they’ll discuss the “future”. Hoseok couldn’t help but feel that he needs to make a good impression to Sohye’s parents otherwise.

“Hello, Mr and Mrs. Ahn I’m Jung Hoseok” Hoseok bowed and smiled though he still can’t meet their eyes with his own.

“Oh you’re so polite and warmingly charming” Mrs. Ahn mused with an endearing voice.

“So you are the one who knocked up my daughter” Mr. Ahn spat, eyes now glaring at Hoseok and he played with the scrutinizing eyes.

“Dad, can you please not scare him?” Sohye shrieked, shielding Hoseok from her father.

“She’s right sweetie, calm down hmm? Hoseok’s seem to be a good boy” Hoseok is kind of relieved that at least Mrs. Ahn is nicer to him than the latter.

“So when’s the wedding date?”

Everyone went silent as soon as Mr. Ahn dropped the million dollar question.

Mrs. Ahn looked intently at the both of them while She's giving expectant looks to Hoseok who can’t seem to remove his gaze from the floor.

Finally after a long inhale of breath, Hoseok raised his eyes to face Mr. Ahn .

“With all due respect,”

“You ARE marrying my daughter am I correct?” Mr. Ahn cutting him off made him falter but he has to man up now. This isn’t something he can run away from anymore.

“Dad, me and Hobi still wanted to graduate,” Sohye stated.

“But you both will have a child soon so it’s better to get married now before your graduation” Mrs. Ahn added, her demeanour now getting serious.

Hoseok’s panicking right now but he doesn’t care anymore if it looked obvious as he was trying to find alternative ways to escape this route, surely there has to be other than marriage.

This will ruin everything that he's planned for himself and well, you. The thought of you made Hoseok winced.

You who he's already hurting

You who loves him for as long you could remember

You who do not know about any of this

You who is-

"Hoseok!" hands tugging his arms made him come back to reality where Sohye's been trying to get his attention.

"Huh?"

"What's your answer going to be? Mr. Ahn and Hoseok gulped.

"I-um I'll marry her" his voice came out stable which surprised him. Is he really gonna be doing this? Get married? He's not even ready but how about Sohye?

The thought of Sohye keeping their child from him if he ever refuses made him convinced himself that he's doing the right thing.

"Really? Omg that's great!" Sohye squealed along with her mother sharing the happiness with Hoseok's decision while Mr. Ahn was looking at Hoseok with knowing eyes.

"Come along" Sohye's father gestured him to their mansion's garden and now the nervousness is back on Hoseok's veins.

"Sir-"

"You don't love my daughter, I know.I can see it, I'm not blind kid"

Hoseok gasped lightly. Well he shouldn't be surprised since his expressions have always been obvious. Dammit why can't he be better in acting?

"I-yes you're right" he's been trying to calm down but he couldn't stop his legs from fidgeting.

"But you're marrying my daughter regardless" Mr. Ahn wondered.

"It's the right thing to do" he responded firmly which surprised the older man.

Silence ruled the both of them until Mrs. Ahn called in for lunch.

You opened your door to a mailman delivering what seems to be baby supplies. Huh?

"Uhm sorry, did you get the wrong address? the mailman stared back at you warily before showing you the receipt that displays Hoseok’s name.

“This is Mr. Jung Hoseok’s residence is it not?” you were caught off guard to the sassiness of the mailman so you grabbed the boxes he was holding.

“Yes, thank you” you offered an embarrassing smile.

“You’re welcome and congrats by the way” he replied while eyeing the boxes and immediately left.

You stood there for a while trying to process what the mailman just said. He thought you’re Hoseok’s wife or something? He thought you’re pregnant? Wait.

Baby supplies. Why would Hoseok need baby supplies?

And then it struck you,

Sohye.

Your heart shattered with the revelation that you almost dropped the boxes. Why? Why would Hoseok lie to you again? You both just made up and now this?

He confuses tf out of you. He says he doesn’t wanna hurt you but here he is, hurting you even more each day.

Fuck, you feel pathetic. Bet your homegirls back in uni’s gonna laugh at how much you’ve become weak just because of a boy.

But he’s not just some boy,

He’s your best friend,

And the love of your life

But lately with the lies and secrets, you’re not even sure if you know him anymore.

The lunch with the Ahn family consisted of talking about the wedding plans, all seems to be a blur to Hoseok as he just keeps nodding to whatever they say to him.

“Hobi, honey, when do you think is the perfect date?” Sohye grasps his arm which makes him turn to her and he’s trying not to barf with the endearment she just called him because her parents are around.

“Uh-idk I have to talk to my folks first” he replied nervously which made both Sohye’s parents focus on him.

Fuck.

“Yeah he didn’t know about it so take it easy” Sohye whined at her parents.

“And besides, I’m not even sure if that baby is mine” he added. The sudden accusatory remark towards Sohye changed the atmosphere, cold all of the sudden and Hoseok immediately regretted the words that came out from him.

Where in the fucking world did he even get the confidence to say out loud what’s been bugging him in this situation.

“What did you just say?” Mr. Ahn growled, actually now getting angry. Sohye went rigid beside Hoseok and speechless and Mrs. Ahn let out a surprised gasp.

Shit, it’s now or never.

“If I’m being honest, I don’t trust anything that comes from your daughter, seeing as how she’s been chasing and threatening me since the beginning of the school year” he stated, voice hard while glaring at Sohye knowingly.

“How dare you insult us in our own home?” Mrs. Ahn yelled at him. Hoseok’s confidence faltered, vanishing but he stood on his ground.

“I’m serious, I won’t marry her until I know for sure if it’s mine” Hoseok’s proud that his voice came out stable.

“Sohye, why don’t you guide Hoseok out” Mr.Ahn stated calmly which made Hoseok nervous again, the old man must have felt betrayed given how Hoseok suddenly changed his mind after their talk earlier.

The table was silent until Sohye stood up wordlessly and grabbed Hoseok towards the outside of their mansion.

Before they could even reach the gate, a sudden hand landed on Hoseok’s left cheek.

“Fuck you Hoseok” Sohye grits her teeth, eyes with fury while looking at him intently.

No lie, that slap hurts but Hoseok didn’t even care because his eyes were on the gate.

On you.

And you’re in rage now that you witnessed what just happened and Hoseok knows how protective you are of him.

The lack of response caused Sohye followed his gaze, now on you and she laughs, hysterically.

You were already walking towards them with that furious expression, the one that actually scares Hoseok.

“HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TO SLAP HIM YOU BITCH” you screamed with fury the moment you reach the both of them and was about to grab Sohye but Hoseok stopped you just in time.

“Y/N stop!” Hoseok’s trying to stop your arms that are reaching Sohye who’s still laughing, clearly amused by your outburst. She wonders if you already know but judging by Hoseok’s anxious eyes looking back at her, she knew it was the latter.

Well, what a perfect time.

“Oh Y/N, what are you doing here? I don’t remember inviting you” Sohye smiled at you mockingly, obviously trying to get into your skin and you’re falling for it.

“Cut the crap you bitch, how dare you-” you were about to attack again and actually almost succeeded because you actually caught her arm when-

“She’s pregnant Y/N stop!” Hoseok shouted which made you froze from flailing your arms around and you jerked in shock.

The devastated expression that emerged from your beautiful face made Hoseok’s heart lurched. He didn’t have the intention of telling you this way, this wasn’t supposed to happen.

“W-What?” your mind went blank. You came here expecting an explanation from Hoseok about the baby supplies package you received earlier. Why is he so goddamn good at hurting his best friend? No this is a joke, this has to be.

“Yes, Y/N I am pregnant and Hoseok’s the father” Sohye squealed, looking at you with those triumphant eyes with a slick smile. Wait, does she know of your feelings?

You averted your eyes to Hoseok now that the truth is out. You were hoping for a different reaction but the moment his eyes met yours, they’re full of shame. Fuck, it really hurts coming from him.

The realization finally crept into your mind with everything that's been happening to Hoseok ever since the night of your confession.

Sohye, avoiding you, going somewhere without telling you..it all makes sense now. But what's not making sense is how he kept lying to you all this time.

"Y-YN-" Hoseok is like a deer caught in headlights, guilty eyes that are now morphing into full of panic. He knows you, does he really though? He doesn't even know himself anymore.

You're usually composed, especially with other people around. You're that kind of person who remains calm even in rough commotions. But it's totally different when it involves the man you cherish and love..

And before you could reply, a middle aged couple emerged behind Hoseok who reminded you of Sohye and remembered that you're in their premises, the Ahn residence.

"What is going on here?" Mrs.Ahn eyed the three of you suspiciously, primarily staring at you. Ah, the stranger.

"Nothing Mom, this is Y/N, Hoseok's best friend" Sohye smiled sarcastically to you with those knowing eyes, challenging you to continue.

Embarrassment filled you once you came back to reality and snatched your arms from Hoseok's grasp. Breathing deeply, you tried to compose yourself before looking up at both of Sohye's parents.

"Really? I thought she IS his girlfriend given the fact that he had refused to marry you" Mr.Ahn stated coldly, still eyes on Y/N.

Hoseok turned around to face Sohye's parents, thinking of putting his arm around you but hesitated.

He knows you're mad at him so he opted to move slowly in front of you, trying to protect you from the scrutinizing eyes of Sohye's parents. Noticing this you raised your chin and looked directly into Mr. Ahn's eyes.

"No, I'm not his girlfriend but he's one of the most important people in my life as I am to him so whatever situation you've put him through, I need to know" you seethed, eyes full of determination though the phrase "not his girlfriend" almost distracted you.

You're surprised your voice came out confident despite the nervousness that might be etched now on your face.

"Well young lady, we were just talking with your friend about wedding preparations but seems like he's changing his mind" Mrs. Ahn glared at Hoseok.

"I already told you that I have to talk to my family first and figure out what really happened that night. I'll update you as soon as I can, I swear" he hurriedly explained, nervously looking back at you to gauge your reactions.

"Alright then, we hope to hear from you soon". Mr. Ahn replied coldly, his eyes landing on Y/N and that made Hoseok uneasy.

Sohye's parents went back inside and you stepped back from behind Hoseok with a stoic expression, in no way you'll show Sohye how affected despite of your suspicion that she knows already.

"Brave of you to come here Y/N, but props you both are fun to watch" she chuckled and you didn’t want to give her the satisfaction so you fought yourself, bitch.

"I'm just fetching Hoseok and since I think everything's done here, we're leaving" you turned around, not waiting for any response from the both of them. You felt hurried steps behind you,trying to catch up but you didn't bother.

Inside the car, the silent tension that surrounds the both of you is deafening. Hoseok nibbled his lips anxiously, feeling your anger from the revelation earlier. It's his fault so he has to settle this down before arriving home.

"Y/N I'm sor–"

"You lied to me, again" you cut him off with a blank expression, tone contemptuous.

"I know but–"

"We promised each other after that night that there would be no lies anymore" you bristled.

"I didn't wanna hurt you more than I already am okay?!" he blurted out, eyes turning glassy. Hoseok's trying to take a deep breath to stop himself from tearing up.

You sneered and didn't bother to respond,the nerve of him to be upset in this situation.

"I'll sleep at Namjoon's" he mumbled meekly and you quickly dropped him at his friend’s house.

“Good night Y/N” he inhaled sharply when you didn’t respond or even looked back at him. “I’m sorry” he mumbled, exiting the car with a gloomy expression.

You waited on your seat for a while, trying to hold in every emotion that has been building until he was further away. Hands turning white as you grip the steering wheel, you took a deep breath and started bawling your eyes out in pain.

In excruciating pain. What’s going to happen between you and Hoseok now? All your hopes of a future together are now shattered. It was going so well, you confessed and he gave you a chance and now this.

To Namjoon’s surprise, it was a miserable Hoseok who’s standing in front of his dorm room instead of the japchae delivery he’s been expecting. He didn’t ask for more and stepped aside to let his friend in.

“Alright man what happened?” Namjoon asked worriedly and Hoseok’s tears welled up in his before exhaling deeply.

“She knows Joon” Hoseok whispered, trying to stop his tears and Namjoon sat down on the couch urging his friend to continue.

“Everything happened so fast..Y/N was going after Sohye after she saw her slap me so I had to admit the truth right there” he felt his throat closing up when he recalled your crushed reaction earlier. How he wishes he could’ve told you in a different situation.

"She'll find out eventually though" another voice replied, and Hoseok turned his head back to see another person coming in the living room. Immediately recognizing Namjoon's roommate he walked up to him and hissed,

"You told me nothing happened that night!" he yelled and poor Taehyung grabbed Hoseok's arm that's on his collar in an attempt to calm him down.

Namjoon immediately stood up in panic and rushed towards both boys, struggling to get Hoseok off from Taehyung.

"Hobi, hey, calm down" Namjoon spoke calmly and Hoseok let go of Taehyung instantly.

"Hyung, I'm sorry I swear the only time I saw you was when we were drinking and the morning after. Jungkook told me you left with someone so I thought that was Y/N coming to pick you up" the younger man reasoned with fear, knowing how Hoseok gets when he's absolutely angry.

"Well it wasn't, it was Ahn Sohye and we slept together apparently" he answered slowly, more calmer now. What's the point of blaming other people when it already happened, it's going to change anything.

Only Namjoon knew at the beginning as soon as Hoseok heard the news and told him immediately, asking for help. Meanwhile the rest of his friend group didn't know about it until, well starting now.

"Stay for the night, you're always welcome here anyways" Namjoon patted Hoseok's shoulders softly and grabbed Taehyung to set up for dinner, which just arrived when they heard a knock from the door.

"Thanks Joon, and sorry for my outburst earlier Tae" he shuffled the younger's hair affectionately.

Hoseok wasn't there in the morning and a few mornings after that. You debated to ask his sister if she knew about this whole thing or what. She could've known and just didn't want to tell you to spare your feelings but you didn't care.

Calling Jiwoo 언니..

"Hello? Y/N?" she answered cautiously. Ah, always obvious just like her little brother.

"So you knew" you muttered passively. How could she? You both are like sisters from different mothers.

"Don't be mad please, I just found out too!" voice laced with alarm.

When you didn't reply she then proceeded to explain to you that Hoseok did go to his family to tell them the entirety of the situation. Why didn't he text you to meet there? Despite what happened, you would've been by his side, supporting him because that's what best friends do.

But then you remember last night and suddenly your anger resurfaced and you ended the call immediately, getting ready to leave only to be greeted by Seokjin at the door.

"Good morning" he smiled at you, filled with compassion.

"They sent you didn't they?" you snarled, frowning at his handsome face as you stepped aside to let him in.

"Hoseok actually since you know, you can't cook. He just wants to make sure you get a proper breakfast" he mused, rummaging the kitchen for ingredients.

"How sweet of him" you replied sarcastically, taking a seat at the kitchen counter with both hands on your face to cover your expression from Jin.

"Hey give him a break, all this is not easy for him too" he stated solemnly, giving you a serious look, placing the waffles and omelet that he just cooked.

You glared at him and started eating silently. Seeing him sit in front of you, you know he's looking at you closely deciphering your current emotions.

"I'm fine" you stated as you looked up at him and though his eyes widened at your lack of sadness, his eyes are still skeptical.

"No, you're not. We heard what happened" he answered with caution. You almost faltered but you remained composed, acting dismissive as usual.

"I AM fine, drop it Seokjin" you jeered. Seokjin wanted a reaction from you so there you have it, only anger though. He texted the rest that you seem to be alright and that they'll meet with others soon.

"Hurry, we're going somewhere" he quickly cleaned up the table and gestured to you to follow him outside. You grumbled but agreed anyways.

"If you're bringing me to Hoseok don't bother" you glanced at him blankly before looking outside the car window, obviously you don't want to seek him out unless he needs something from you.

"No you'll help us prepare, the boys want your opinion" Jin explained calmly, still wary of your mood.

You didn't answer him and just scoffed so he took it as a yes. You don't want any confrontation from the rest of Hoseok's friends but you can't really escape them so might as well.

Tonight, you saw the lights are on as you're walking into the driveway.

He's home, and you're nervous on how to approach him.

“I’ll be your maid of honour” you whispered. Hoseok looked up at you, eyes surprised at your sudden conviction.

“W-What? B-but Y/N..” he tried reaching on your arm but you stepped back and that made him pause. Hoseok should feel happy that you’re going to his wedding but he can’t help but feel wrong.

“My decision’s final, I don’t care but don’t try to stop me. I already confirmed with your sister” you stated coldly, still not looking into his eyes.

"I don't like hurting you, Y/N please. You don't have to attend the wedding, it's fine with me" his voice pleading, still trying to convince you despite your final decision earlier.

See? How can you not love him? Even in rough times like this, he is still considerate of your feelings.

You sighed, “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m your best friend and this is an important part of your life so I should be there” you stated, finally looking back into his eyes.

You're not gonna cry

You're not

You're getting tired of it..

Focusing on other thoughts to stop yourself from crying you didn't notice Hoseok approaching you slowly. When his hands cupped your face, it broke out your reverie.

"Y/N, I-"

You already have a feeling of what he's going to say the moment you met his eyes earlier, they've always been so expressive.

"Don't. Not now Hoseok, not anymore" you looked at his eyes that mirror with your sadness. He inhaled sharply, eyes changing with determination.

"No, Y/N" the way he says your name with a smile is making you nervous and before you could muster a response, a pair of soft lips touched yours and you immediately closed your eyes.

Is this finally happening? Hoseok kissing you? You only hoped about this before but you didn't think it's finally happening. He feels the same now right?

"Hoseok.." you croaked breathlessly after you released each other. He didn't release his hold on your face in which you're leaning, hoping that this is not only your imagination.

"Let me show you.. please.." his eyes begged. Not gonna lie, you've been waiting for this moment to happen but you both see it in a different way.

Him, showing gratitude while you..

While you're taking advantage of him for your own selfish reasons.

Bringing your hands up on top of his face, you smiled back at him and nodded.

He’s giving you a chance, though this seems like charity even but you don’t care anymore.

So you did.

Hoseok woke up the next day feeling relieved but mostly happy to have finally shown you his feelings, though he’s not sure if you heard his declaration last night. Expecting your presence beside him he turned around and reached out, only to find an empty space.

Suddenly sitting up in dread, he looked around trying to find you. Getting up and hastily putting on his clothes, he went outside directly to the kitchen but you are nowhere to be found. His chest tightened at the thought of you leaving him after what happened last night.

Was he too forward? But you gladly accepted him. Was that an act? D-did you already fall out of love from him?

Before he could continue his thoughts, his phone dinged beside him at the counter. Though he’s expecting Sohye, the text surprisingly came from his sister.

[지우 Noona: Y/N’s and I are in the boutique right now, where are you?]

[Hobi: jwu why? am I needed somewhere?]

[지우 Noona: Go meet with the wedding planner with Sohye in an hour]

He was gonna ask about you but hesitated. Why didn't you text him or leave a note? You just acted like nothing happened and that made Hoseok concerned.

Damn. When you said you'll help with the wedding preparations, you didn't expect to be leading the way. Apparently, that's Hoseok's request according to the wedding planner.

You've been giving your all into this, most likely because you want to distract yourself from what happened that night and what will happen in the wedding. You keep thinking of why Hoseok would want you when clearly, he doesn't feel anything for you.

Or does he?

You weren't sure if you were just imagining him saying "I love Y/N" when his arms were holding you tight after your rendezvous the night before. It must be your subconscious trying to fulfill your innermost desire, for your best friend to love you back.

"Hey, Y/N you alright? You look a little worned out" Jiwoo looked at you worriedly, running her eyes around your face.

Yeah your brother drained tf out of me..

"WHAT?!!" you jerked with her shrieking and then you realized you said that thought out loud and your face flushed with shame.

Fuck.

"Uh-" now you can't look at her eyes, cheeks going red with what you just told her.

fuckfuckfuck

"Omgggg, now I get why" she happily mused that made you raise your eyebrows back at her.

"Wtf why?" you shifted uncomfortably, never before you've been this aloof to Hoseok's sister until now.

"I texted him earlier but he said he's still at home at this time which surprised me" she teased, wiggling her eyebrows at you.

"He's about to get married, you know" you smiled bitterly, gaze focusing on the white wedding dress on display. Would've been lovely if you're the one who's getting married to Hoseok.

"And? It's not like he and Sohye are in a relationship" she huffed. Jiwoo's right but somehow, that didn't change the already creeping guilt inside you.

"Whatever, that's never happening again" you scoffed but she looks at you suspiciously.

"I'm serious, I value marriage and it will be a form of cheating if that happens again after the ceremony so, no" you firmly stated, looking away. You've been planning to distance yourself after the wedding since that would be what's best for both you and Hoseok.

Jiwoo looked at you wistfully, with sympathetic eyes that you've been getting used to from the people around you the moment Hoseok and Sohye's wedding was announced.

"Y/N, I'm sorry you have to feel this way. I know how much you love him" she replied softly, laced with emotion since you're like a little sister to her, after all she was hoping you'll end up with her little brother.

"It's okay, I'm used to it" you smiled curtly, your expression changing back to neutral like it has always been.

Since you've put all your time into the wedding preparations which clearly affected your academic performance, the preparations went smoothly as you planned.

Hoseok's been trying to corner you, but you're silently thankful for the people who keep distracting him because you're clearly not ready to talk to him.

Isn't that what you've always wanted? Now why are you running away? I mean you are going to eventually but you promised you'll be there for him. Fuck it, just a little bit more..

On the night before his wedding, you've stayed in your hotel room again like what you've been doing the entire time when you know Hoseok's around. You didn't even go to the bachelorette party you were clearly invited for and he's having a stag night too.

Around 3am you were awakened by loud knocks of your hotel door and for the sake of other guests on this floor, you dragged your feet and opened the door impulsively.

Only to see a drunk Hoseok, groggily smiling at you.

"Why are you here? It's already early morning" you hissed and he just giggled in response.

"Wanna see you" he pouted and you gestured to him just in case he'll vomit which is about to happen as you see his face contorted.

"Fuck come here quick!" you're rubbing his back as he releases all remnants of his stomach into the toilet when he staggered.

"Y/N I'm sorry" his voice sounded so broken and you straightened yourself. He's not gonna remember anything in the morning anyways so what's the point.

You didn't answer him but you helped him clean up and before you can even talk to him, he's already knocked out on your bed. Should you call someone to get him? But everyone's asleep now, screw it.

You stayed beside Hoseok, staring at his sleeping face for the last time, the last time you'll be able to be this near to him since he'll be a married man tomorrow. You can't stop your tears as you run your hands through his face.

"I love you Hoseok, I love you so much that I am letting you go" you stopped yourself to cry louder in case it'll wake him up. You wrapped your arms around him, relishing a few hours of selfishness on your own end.

The morning comes and you're dreading to let go of Hoseok. He woke up with you already staring at him and you jerked.

"Here are painkillers, drink that before you go" you handed them to him but he grabbed you wrist instead, silently pleading you to look at him.

"Y/N, let's run away" he croaked. Hoseok actually heard you the night before, heard you letting go of him and it crushed everything in him, hearing your voice so broken because of him and he wants to make you feel better even though you both know how late it is already.

"What? Are you crazy? You're getting married hours from now" you yelled at him. You've never lashed out on him like this but his plan is ridiculous. You're already guilty of sleeping with him and now he wanted to elope?

"I don't care, I just–" a knock from the door made him pause and your eyes widened. Fuck fuck fuck. You and Hoseok looked at each other's eyes full of panic now.

You walked towards the door and prepared yourself for any interrogation when you were met with sleepy eyes and a smirk.

"Wtf do you want Yoongi" you seethed, you haven’t slept properly since you tried to stay awake as much as possible.

After hearing that it's only his friend, Hoseok appeared behind you, with a relief expression.

"You two looked like shit, be thankful I volunteered to get him" he snickered and you glared at him.

"Nothing happened" you answered nonchalantly but Yoongi's teasing smirk is still on so you turned back to Hoseok but then you're suddenly enveloped with a firm hug, with Hoseok's face nuzzling your neck.

"Thank you" he hummed and released you. You can tell through his eyes that he wanted to stay longer and talk to you more but you shake your head.

"Alright man let's go, they've been looking everywhere for you" Yoongi grabbed Hoseok who's still reluctant to leave.

"Go, Hoseok" you slightly push him towards Yoongi with a serious tone and just when they were about to leave, Jiwoo suddenly appeared in the corner.

“I knew it, I should’ve looked here first. Thank you Yoongi” the boy just nodded back at Jiwoo gave you the "i told you so" look, though not judgmental, you felt the need to clarify to prove your point the last time you talked.

Time of the wedding,

Time to let Hoseok go, permanently.

You are the maid of honour so you have no choice but to put on a happy face especially in front of Hoseok's parents who were constantly checking on you during preparations with apprehension.

After the bridesmaids and groomsmen have walked the aisle, it's finally your turn and it fucking sucks since you have to walk alone.

You took a deep breath before raising your chin up, and faced everyone as they looked at you walking up to the altar. However, your eyes are only on Hoseok as you imagine that it was you he's waiting for, not the actual bride behind you.

Hoseok is doing the same thing, ironically. He's imagining that it's you he is marrying, the person he truly loves but it's too late for that so he should just focus on Sohye.

He continued his daydreaming until Jungkook nudged him since the youngest best man is the closest to him than the other 6, breaking his thoughts and facing the reality that Sohye is the bride, not you.

When the officiant asked if there was someone who disagrees with the couple's union, your body wanted to stand up and tell everyone how you really feel. You felt Jiwoo's arms around your shoulders, hoping to provide the comfort that you needed but you shrugged her arms off.

You wouldn't mind usually but you're in her little brother's wedding and you've been refusing to meet Hoseok's eyes until the officiant proceeded with the next part of the ceremony. You can't look at him or else you'll crumble and there's no way you'll embarrass yourself in front of his family and yours.

Surprisingly, your parents came when you invited them. It would usually have to be Hoseok or any of his family members invite them to come though you already have a suspicion that it's not the only reason why.

“Do you Jung Hoseok, promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her and hold only unto her forever more?” this caused you to finally look back at Hoseok. He stayed silent for a few moments which made everyone chatter in whisper but as soon as his eyes found yours, he smiled, full of longing.

"I do"

You closed your eyes as tears fell from them, unable to hold his gaze anymore. It might be improper to look back on the best night of your life but you can’t help it, you just want to hear Hoseok say it again, over and over.

“I love you Y/N”

Another morning of Hoseok waking up without you in his life. Tears ran down the sides of his face when he remembered, but this one is longer and the clearest of them all.

That dream's too vivid for him to handle. He smiled bitterly as he remembered all the memories, starting from the beginning up until the shift of your friendship that severed you both.

Chuckling pathetically at himself to even have the audacity to think of you when he's the very main reason you were gone. He just misses you so much.

In your absence, he indulged himself into alcohol only because he remembers you nagging him to be mindful of his tolerance. He knows it's not good for him, but it's the only way to forget his pain of losing you.

It's not like he's being irresponsible to the point of getting piss drunk, he just drinks when he's alone because that's when the thought of you creeps back into his mind.

Getting up to face another day of wallowing, he decided to come down to the basement to do some cleaning. The mini studio, the only thing he has of you left. This is the reason why he didn't wanna sell the house in the first place.

He then went to a nearby speaker and set the song you both choreographed ages ago, another memory coming up, haunting him.

"Alright that's it, it's been a minute! Surely that's enough right?" you whined at Hoseok, heaving since you've been dancing for like hours now.

"It's less than a minute! Come on, we're just doing the extended chorus" he giggled and you rolled your eyes.

"But yeah, we don't have to do the whole song" his eyes trained on you and the folded Led Zeppelin shirt on the chair. You followed his gaze through and found him eyeing your precious shirt.

"I'm gonna wear it when we're filming this dance, it's from my grandma remember? And I'm gonna pair it with those red orange pants you gifted me on my birthday" you fondly explained to him.

Hoseok never took you for being sentimental since you always act dismissive when you receive gifts from him.

The voice of Troye Sivan echoing throughout the room brought him back to the present reality. He still feels you around the house, especially here so he went in front of the mirror and readied himself.

He looked back at his reflection in the mirror, instantly seeing you beside him with an affectionate smile. He lets himself give in to his imaginations, just this time. Starting the moves smoothly, Hoseok will always remember this choreo out of all the ones he made because it's you.

Always have been you but he was a coward for not acting on his feelings earlier. The song ended and he fell into his knees, hitting the floor while another gut-wrenching sobs escaped his mouth.

You laid out your feelings for him but he doubted himself when he clearly feels the same so now here he is.

Still in grief full of regrets..

Still wishing you'll come back to him..

Still clinging to the ghost of you..

taglist : @hobisnesseu @ggukkieland @sheprocrastinatesalot @hoebii @jeonsbun @iamscharene

It's up to you where Y/N is or what happened to her :')

And yes the dance is by Hobi and Ryujin from Highlight Reel ♡

Thank you for reading! Feedback's greatly appreciated!