#hopeful?

[sassytail]

Having a weird emotional night but like

I guess it just finally hit me that things are. Good. And they can continue to be good.

I think I’m actually gonna be okay?

#getting old rules #I have #community and #skills and #like #a future #for the first time in my life #and it feels #hopeful? #fucked up if true

[bluntandsaucy]

guys i’m taking a break because i’ve listened to eleven hours of malevolent in the last twenty four hours but oh god memory loss is always something that breaks me when it’s done well

#and we all know it’s going to be done well #i fucking cried #something something this podcast is so #hopeful? #like idk it just gives me hope #like thank the bus driver and all that yk #malevolent #malevolent podcast

[gxlden-angels]

Shiny Happy People Thoughts: Episode 2

TW: The Duggar Family

- This episode begins on Josh's crimes and abuse as well as his family's attempts to cover it up

- I thought the documentary would focus more on them, but it's actually going more into how these environments foster so much abuse, which is honestly great but also a lot harder to watch

- Like it's one thing to point at them and say "This is where it could lead" but it's another to say "This is the environmental set-up. It was widespread and you may have grown up with it. Here are some of those factors you may know"

- It's weird to watch a family like the Duggars and go "oh most people think this is weird" like I was never homeschooled but I didn't need to be. We were actively taught that public school would teach you these specific worldly things so ignore those and listen to us instead

- We "had church" at home during birthday parties and holiday dinners or whatever where they sat all us kids down and insisted on teaching us these things

- Older women in the family would tell testimony after testimony about how happy they were being under their husband's protection even if that meant having sex when they were exhausted, not in the mood, and sick

- Men complained about abuse being exposed on the news because they felt like an abused wife should handle it privately at home

- I honestly can't imagine where I'd be if I was homeschooled on top of everything

- I do agree that the insistence on homeschooling only is more of a white evangelical thing. After such a fight to even have the right to get into and finish public school, I think in black evangelical communities it was seen more as a blessing to be able to go to public schools, especially if you convinced your friends to go to church with you

- The 2nd to last church we went to even bribed us into it. They gave us a dollar if we brought our own paper bibles and we had a sticker chart or something if you brought friends we'd eventually get a celebration

- There was also this fear that if you didn't assimilate into white evangelical culture in the South, then you'd end up on the streets doing illegal shit and going to jail or whatever. It's very victim blaming. There was a mix of understanding systemic racism in the U.S while also saying Black people are at fault for not just staying married and spanking their children to prevent them from being "fast"

- Like sure my own parents are older than the Voting Rights Act, but somehow "welfare queens" are the issue. Black communities are very quickly assimilating into the individualist white evangelical mindset of be good and god will bless you individually

- Spare the Kids: Why Whupping Children Won't Save Black America goes into that a lot. People have mixed feelings about it but I related a lot to it

- Black kids in these spheres were seen more as a risk if not raised this way essentially. Don't hang out with so and so's kids they don't go to church, spank their kids or insist on parentifying their older kids and that's how you end up smoking crack or something

- I honestly had to pause during the section about hair. That's a major trigger for me.

- It was such a confusing balance because I was told I need my hair done well because it needed to glorify god and honor my father, but it also couldn't be too beautiful because then I was being vain/causing lust but also my grandfather would tell me he liked me better when my hair was a certain way but also I should focus on what god wanted, not what he wanted but also

- And it was even more difficult with my coils and curls. I relaxed my hair from ages 5 to 15 and it legitimately took years for my hair to recover from it. It was a difficult transition because my grandfather insisted that I was much prettier and more godly to him when my hair was long and relaxed and he even talked about how unattractive my grandmother is between hair styles when her natural hair is out to convince me to start relaxing and stop cutting my hair again

- The insistence on framing your face correctly was wild. I had this unhealthy bob for years because it "framed my face well" like no my hair was one bad summer day from being fried to death and falling out (and sometimes it really did fall out)

- "Instead of learning math, you're leaning slut shaming"

"Don't think about your sisters' boobs. What are you gonna do? Think about your sisters' boobs."

- Unrelated but Bill Gothard looks like a deepfake in every video of him

- They've come back to the effects of parentification. My dad got the worst of it as the oldest of 6. I was parentified but not as much as he was

- "I had to break his will" another hard trigger

- I was told at 11/12ish that I was allowed to spank my younger stepcousins when I was babysitting them. I hate to admit that I did once when the youngest slid down the stair railing she was told not to slide down and I felt so guilty I never did it again. I shouldn't have been told to spank her and I also shouldn't have been put in this situation that young. That was around the time I first developed intrusive thoughts about my family dying so at the time I legitimately thought it was the only way to keep her safe from falling to her death

- "You were spanked until you stopped crying, which could be hours" for me it was "now stop all that crying before I really give you something to cry about" which all seems counterintuitive

- Took another break because of To Train Up Child. Did not have the book growing up, but definitely recognize a lot of the ideas from it. I've talked about it before on this blog

- Its difficult to get through but I also feel such a weight off my shoulders. Like it's one thing to have a therapist say "you're not a bad kid, you were raised in bad circumstances" but it's another to have a docuseries say it. It's another thing to see others have this same uncomfortable bodily reaction. Nervous laughter, moving around, fidgeting, etc.

- "You know, a little psychological terror is sometimes more effective than the pain" I was much more terrified of the threat of being spanked than actually being spanked. I hated the feeling of "I disappointed you enough that you have to plan to hit me later"

- My dad says he remembered spanking me a couple times when I was like 2 and never again. He felt like positive reinforcement and explaining why doing something bad was wrong was more efficient for me cause I liked being helpful, I was just super independent and easily overwhelmed. There's a reason he's the only family member I honestly care to keep contact with

- "Michael and Debi Pearl are some motherfuckers" SAY IT AGAIN LOUDER

- Amy Duggar crying about the "rod of encouragement" made me also tear up. I'm working on the guilt of not being able to change the rest of my family's mind and save my younger family members.

- This episode is harder than the first but it's honestly what I needed right now. I needed a third party to say "you survived the best you could. you're still trying. you can't save everyone, especially if you aren't fully free yourself yet"

- There's stuff I didn't even think of as traumatizing that I realize still controls so much of my actions. This is so good and I highly recommend it so far if you think you can handle it.

- I wasn't blanket trained. My biological parents loved my independence. They loved how much I liked being helpful independently and they never wanted to break that spirit.

- My dad even raised me to focus on education and be able to support myself before I ever got married. I never had a conversation with him about relationships since he felt awkward about it he much preferred I learned from women in the family/church. They taught me purity culture.

- "If a man says he wants you, then he's god's man for you and you have to learn how to adjust your feelings and thoughts around that." This is how my grandparents and uncles saw things. They insisted this was romantic and good. I did a survey of my high school to see if anyone else thought that way and only like 3 out of the 50-60 people I asked did. When I pointed that out to my uncle he said it's because my school was full of sheltered nerds.

- My dad was horrified by all of it. I honestly think watching this documentary could make him deconstruct more than he already has. He's still a christian, but a progressive one. He's still growing each day

- Had a lot of feelings about this one. I think this one hit the hardest cause it essentially explains how these circles groom people, especially young girls.

#SHP Thoughts #I had a lot to say on this one #This one HURT but I feel #less heavy ig? #hopeful? #idk #I talked about my dad a lot with this one #and looking back I honestly think he realized how fucked it all was #and did his best to get away from it #he held me out of range of it as much as he could but there was still stuff holding him back #I think living with his parents again really was the final straw #seeing how I was treated there was his final straw #it's a lot #Genuinely think this is exactly what I needed #ex christian #religious trauma

[curvymommy70]

#hopeful?

[itskyleeyo]

*how i feel currently is best described as “that funny feeling” by bo burnham*

laying in bed rn and asking myself “why do i feel so empty when im flooded with emotions?” (anger. rage. fear. sadness.) and then it dawned on me. there’s a hole in my heart where my hope should be.

i, as a person, try my best to see the bright side. try to be flexible. be understanding. but it is so goddamn hard to understand the amount of hate in this country. i try to be flexible, but they’re going to bend me until i break. how do you find a bright side in all of this?

yknow what’s funny? all of this hate around me is bringing out the hate in me. the amount of anger i feel now honestly scares me sometimes.

i constantly hear older adults complaining about how “you can’t say an opinion/joke/belief nowadays because everyone is so sensitive.” as they hear about the most recent shooting and go “that’s a shame” and continue on with their day. whilst also dramatizing and being overly emotional/defensive about minute things. for example, getting offended when we don’t laugh at their racist jokes. they complain about how we act, when it directly stems from their lack of giving a shit about anything important.

i have to remind myself that some things are really, truly, genuinely out of my control. i have to remind myself that my anger is not at myself, and that i had no say over who is in power.

i am so sick and fucking tired of pretending that i don’t care in front of others just to avoid getting into an argument about basic human rights.

*deep breaths yall* it’d probably be good practice to take my own advice, right? so i’m gonna pet my dog and list out things that ain’t too shabby. 1. i can vote now! hopefully i’ll feel less powerless. 2. i’m going to college soon! hopefully i’ll be able to express myself without fear of judgement. and i’ll get to wear my cute clothes. 3. my people! my family. my friends. i love y’all so much and are my rock. you are the reason i keep going. 4. i can make a difference (even if it’s a small one) 5. people care about me. there are people out there that wish me well. 6. i care about me! i am good enough for myself. 7. there is still good! i will not let the state of our government ruin everything for me. there are flowers, and sunsets, and videos of goats eating fruit! and fluffy cows!!

it feels like a lot, and it is, but we can get through this. find your rock and hold on tight. go now, and i mean right now, and find you some happy. a video or a shitpost or a song. watch a vine compilation. it is ok to be angry or sad or scared or hurt, but don’t let it destroy you completely. go watch goats eat plants, or ducks run across wood so their feet make the “pit pat” noise! take this moment (even if it is just a moment) to bring a genuine smile to your own face. we can survive this. you are not alone. ily.

#scotus #fuck the system #fuck the supreme court #united states #sad #angry #rant post #bo burnham #hopeful? #we can get through this

[whiteshipnightjar]

Zoozve, my beloved

#i cannot tell you how much this made me smile just bc it's so full of love #moon #venus #zoozve #long post #sorry about that it's very long but it's very entertaining i hope you enjoy this lil zoozve gem haha #astronomy #astrophysics #space

[greykolla-art]

Yeah I think you’re in the right place, Al.

#grey art #fan art #hazbin hotel comic #Hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin charlie #charlie morningstar #alastor #the radio demon #hazbin hotel fanart #fan comic #I hope Charlie and Alastor go on more walks together in season 2 #Charlie is so sweet and hopeful I love her #and Al is a gremlin

[sylvies-kablooie]

i do unironically think the best artists of our generation are posting to get 20 notes and 3 reblogs btw. that fanfic with like 45 kudos is some of the best stuff ever written. those OCs you carry around have some of the richest backstories and worldbuilding someone has ever seen. please do not think that reaching only a few people when you post means your art isn't worth celebrating.

#i often wonder about how many things would be considered classic or high art had they only received the marketing #how many short films that were made for class could have been the most powerful thing you'd ever seen? if you'd seen them? #“you know the greatest films of all time were never made” etc etc #but like. these works of art ARE being made. it's just enjoyed by a smaller audience with equal impact though #i think about this one furry i used to follow on insta who had the coolest worldbuilding ever. it's been years. #thought prompted by that sketch of nimona from ten years ago that was just for a character design #posted to the creator's tumblr and now it's nominated for best animated feature film at the oscars #and by the genuine emotional reaction a fan comic made me feel. how much work had gone into it. how beautiful it was to me. #idk what to tag this but i hope whoever needs to hear it does #writing #writer #fandom #fandom culture #artist

[memendoemori]

Good morning everybody

#chatgpt #generative ai #get fucked get fucked get fucked I hope they win #I don't care about GRRM winning. I just want chatGPT to LOSE

[spineless-lobster]

I am not the divine masculine or the divine feminine I am the divine comedy and you will address me as such

#danteposting #I hope you guys like my stupid history jokes #the divine comedy

[opiumvampire]

fuck w me

#my mommys cookie recipe except she makes them peanut butter cookies and i dont like peanut butter so we’re doing sugar cookies #sure hope nothing weird happens

[willgrahamscock]

Why bother arguing in support of trans people if you’re not trans?

very simple concept called believing in human rights

#alex answers #hope that helps

[mushroom-punk]

YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE 'WHAT' ZONE

happy episode 11!

#WELCOME TO THE WHAT ZONE EVERYBODY!! #anime-only fans i hope you guys are having fun #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #PER MY LAST POST

[hansoeii]

look at you, you're gorgeous!

#and nothing bad ever happened #this might've been what aziraphale imagined when he asked crowley to come with him #I have returned to tend to your wounds good omens fandom #hope this helps you heal #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens fanart #good omens 2 fanart #aziracrow fanart #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots #ineffable husbands fanart #neil gaiman #david tennant #michael sheen #aziraphale #crowley #my art #digital art #fanart

[liquidstar]

If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)

At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.

Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.

#i think about this story sometimes like yeah I'm proud of them for that too actually. good job baby brothers #they're not babies anymore of course they're turning 20 next year which is crazy #but they're still the type of people who'd do something if they saw something of this sort happen for sure #respectful of women and everyone else too. they're good guys #I'm glad I ended up with them living in my house against my will for like 14 years #anyway i have no idea where i was for all this but my best guess is probably a friends house given the time period #i was always at my besties house lol #i hope she's doing well too actually. haven't spoken in forever... #bestie from greek elementary school... if you're out there... let's get muffins and fanta at the bakery across the street again someday 💜☮️

[reallybadblackoutpoems]

imagination (1963) - harold ordway rugg

"chekhovs cat / schrödingers razor / occams gun"

#chekhov #schrodinger #occam #the three genders #hope everyone has a good halloweekend #and a good hallowtuesday #watched the 1979 nosferatu #it was silly #feel free to recommend more german films #anyway #blackout poetry #blackout poem #author #book #poetry