#i am still very sleep deprived

[hack-saw2004]

reheated waffle house grits save meeeee... save me reheated waffle house grits...

#literally went at like 4am last night bc my d&d friends and i were hungry and didn't wanna go home #waffle house is the backbone of america #and their grits fucking rock #mnbfmfmfm waffle house #shitpost #i am still very sleep deprived #running on 3.5 hours of sleep rn guys #my posts are gonna be awful today i fear

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

Idia: (hiding behind a rock)

Ortho: Brother what are you doing?

Idia: (shakeing) quick Ortho hide before it sees us!

Ortho: (panicked) what is it!? an Overblot???

Idia: even worse

Ortho: (confused) what could be worse?

Idia: (pointing at a Pink Sheep) it's obviously an Harem Protagonist stay away or we'll become friends with this Normie

Ortho: ... I'm more worried about you then usual Brother

The Sheep: (behind Idia) bääh

Idia: (jumping up) run!

#twisted wonderland shitpost #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #yes hello I am still very sleep deprived and I do not think this makes sense #am I still going to post it? yes #will I regret it? probably yeah

[moodyseal]

I got too deep into the Schema Theory while writing the paper for one of my exams and it got me thinking about Apollo's coping mechanisms yk

Basically the gist of this theory is that, in the eventuality that their primary needs are not satisfied during their formative years, a child might develop a bunch of different behavioural schemes in their adult life (which are too many to be listed here oh my god) that are a direct reflection of how the parent failed them during childhood

For example, one of these schemes is emotional deprivation, which is a person's tendency to emotionally distance themselves from other people due to the fact that they believe they won't be able to comfort them, and it's a scheme that's formed due to the guardian not satisfying the child's emotional needs. Basically it's formed through a "If my parent couldn't do it, then how could others?" sort of mentality

Another one, which I believe is very relevant here, is the sense of failure, which originates due to the guardian's immensely overbearing nature and the continuous dissatisfaction with the child's efforts. As an adult, the child in question believes that they're inept at everything, even if evidence points to the contrary, because of the fundamental belief that they hold that they're a failure

(Does it remind you of anyone?)

Now, these schemes tend to go hand in hand with modes, which are essentially coping mechanisms that the person uses to deal with whatever life throws at them and whatever negative emotion these schemes bring on. One of these modes is the *squints* scheme overcompensation? Anyway what it says on the article I got the info from is that basically people who use this coping mechanism tend to do the opposite of what their behavioural scheme tells them to do. If they're ashamed, they put down others. If they feel like a failure, they boast. (Again. Who does this sound like.)

AT FIRST it seems like a good coping mechanism but it's actually not, because the overcompensation leads to this vicious cycle where the more a person overcompensates, the more the scheme worsens. In Apollo's case, the scheme we're examining here is his sense of failure; in his overcompensation mode, to avoid feeling incompetent he tries to constantly put himself in the spotlight, drawing attention to his talents. However, he does it in such a ridiculous way (perhaps actually in some form of self-sabotage?) that the people around him insult those talents, call him a failure, and thus worsen his feeling of worthlessness.

(This might be tied to the punitive scheme as well, maybe? Considering how keen Zeus was on punishment, Apollo might've developed this scheme as a result, though over the centuries it could've shifted its focus from everyone to just him idk. The change between "I'm punishing everything and everyone for being so stupid, even my own son + this Ptolemaic god who breathed wrong in my direction" to "Actually I'm chill" seems pretty suspicious to me tbh)

ANYWAY all of this is to say that everything he does is so intrinsically tied to the damage Zeus did to him that it hurts. All his behaviours all his coping mechanisms. Everything

The arrogance is not just a façade he built over the years to hide his feeling of unhappiness and guilt!! It's quite literally an abuse response!!!!

And yeah maybe Leto was the one who spent the most time with him and Artemis and who took the most care of them so technically she should be considered his figure of attachment instead of Zeus but then again. How much time did Apollo spend beside her compared to the time he spent at Zeus' side, after the twins became Olympians? What do a few moments with her in a year do against entire centuries with him?

Leto's influence never really mattered. He was doomed since the beginning

#or rather not doomed just. really sad. thank god he's got friends now #shamelessly wrote this so i can memorize it better #it's a very fascinating theory though #i really recommend a read #btw some of this might be wrong bc a) i study medicine and not psychology and b) it's 4 am #actually almost 6? god i'm sleep deprived #anyway please don't mind it #it was just for funziessss!!! #trials of apollo #lonely thoughts #might delete later idk i'll see if this still makes sense in a few hours

[amarriageoftrueminds]

(another) Thing that annoys me about the Cap movies: 

We never got to see the scene where Steve & Co found out about the torture and mind-control used on Bucky. 

Because that should’ve been super important!

It would have vindicated Steve’s faith in him, proved Bucky’s victimhood and innocence, and turned Nat and Sam 100% around on whether or not Bucky was worth helping (whether or not it was worth them apparently wasting years of their lives helping Steve to find him). 

They’re supposed to have been: 

A) hunting down the remains of Hydra for years, 

B) familiarising themselves with all the Hydra info Nat dumped at the end of of CATWS, and 

C) hunting for Bucky-related information specifically amongst all that. 

Meaning they absolutely cannot have avoided finding, for example, all the places Bucky was tortured in, the specialised enhanced torture equipment (impossible to mistake for that used on a non-supersoldier), cells he was held in, all the specialised physical restraints, tailored for an enhanced person with a cyborg arm, documentation of his torture, witness testimony from surviving Hydra mooks at the Triskelion, etc., and seeing it firsthand. 

And for some of that time, they know Hydra had access to a magic mind-control stick, courtesy of Loki, and an enhanced person who can control minds (Wanda). 

So even if Steve didn’t find evidence of Bucky’s mind-control early on in his search, he and Natasha definitely do know that mind-control is possible (especially Natasha, given her roots in the Red Room and the fact that her bff was mind-controlled.)

Even if you ignored Nat and Sam’s personal backstories, which preclude both of them from being dismissive of a victim (a veteran who suffered a fall, a mind-controlled Russian ‘assassin’), it doesn’t make sense for Nat and Sam to still be trying to suggest Steve step back from helping Bucky, the way they do in CW. 

They cannot still be ignorant of what was done to Bucky, when they have been specifically investigating what was done to Bucky, and all that information has to have been impossible for them to avoid! 

Instead of which, the movie just skips right over the reveal to Steve and Sam of the mind control (going straight from ‘scene of mind-control’ to ‘scene of Steve being skeptical (which he shouldn’t and wouldn’t be)’ to ‘scene of talking about trigger words already’). Casually implying that either Steve and Sam already knew about it, or that Bucky has just explained it to them... 

But only off-camera. 

And yet, Sam is still salty and scornful of Bucky’s innocence (even when they have just seen mind-control happening, Bucky is suffering amnesia of WS acts in front of him, apparently just told him about mind-control, and then proves that he has his pre-war memories). 

So they imply the content of skipped scenes but then have characters act in ways that are... irrational, given the skipped content?? 

Makes no damn sense! 

#long post #bucky barnes #bucky meta #meta #mcu #mcu critical #cacw meta #cacw critical #mcu meta #cacw #they want to make out like steve is taking some kind of Stance by standing by bucky when he's just protecting the innocent #and realistically nat and sam should have the intell to PROVE that bucky is innocent and be 100% on board with helping him #cuz otherwise why tf are they still there with steve?? #also steve isn't the man to have people on his team if they're reluctant AND not going to defend the innocent #the whole movie is very clear on that point #and yet when it comes to bucky... #it's so palpably because they wanted to villainize bucky and they can't do that if he's explaining his mind-control in the movie #🤬🤬🤬 #disclaimer I am SLEEP DEPRIVED and nightblogging so pls forgive any mistakes #yet each man queues the thing he loves

[sncwonthebeach]

you've heard of "no sleep, go for days without sleep." now get ready for:

#manifest #melissa roxburgh #michaela stone #manifesters #olive stone #flight 828 #saanvi bahl #manifest spoilers #nbc manifest #manifest netflix #Netflix #i am scared for this season #ben stone #im begging the writers to go easy on them #im very sleep deprived #if you cant tell #but i still thought this was funny #josh dallas

[saltydoesstuff]

Every Universe

"I love you." She uttered, barely above a whisper. "I love you in every universe." "Do we end up together in every universe?" He asked. "No," She replied, and the painful memories of those life times flashed behind her beautiful eyes as she reflected to the 'back then's. Yet, she smiled, "But I love you anyway, how could I not? My soul yearns for you, even before it had come to know you. It remembers, I remember." "Does it hurt?" She was silent for a moment, "A lifetime without you hurts more then a lifetime when we are not together." "I love you." He blurts out unthinkingly, desperate. He reaches out for her hand, taking it and holds it in both hands in a grounding grip. She looked down at their hands and smiled, relishing in the bitter sweetness. "I know." She confesses quietly. She held his hand tightly, trying to ignore the buzzing within her body- threatening to tear her apart atom by atom. "But you aren't mine. Not this time."

#rottmnt x reader #could be any turtle here #all up to you all :) #it's nearly 4 am but i had to write something down #the angst be angsting #may i make a proper thing out of this? #i have no clue- but i love the idea #like mc is able to travel between universes or something- or sees the future #basically some doctor strange shit #they have lived through countless timelines/lifetimes with the turtles #some good some bad- but one thing is for certain is their bond #context to this would most likely be soulmates #but not a love at first sight soulmate deal- like they are aware of the pull but the relationship still progresses naturally #but mc knows how it ends- in some way or another she loses the love of her life and now she has to do it all over again #she remembers everything but they don't- she has to live through the pain of loss while they are right in front of her- #just they are not what she had before #MMMMM I love this kind of trope #an endless cycle of loss and pain- yet beauty and love #i'm very sleep deprived #hopefully i can start getting actual requests done soon kjfds

[lottieurl]

the one person that she’s found some sort of sanctuary or solace with (alycia debnam carey)

shakespeare, “a midsummer night’s dream” • fall out boy, “church” • him, “the sacrament” • katherine philips, “friendship’s mystery, to my dearest lucasia” • @entirelytookeen, “(my) destruction within your mouth” • kerry banazek, “as an experiment”

#look. listen its been six weeks of me rotating clexa in my mind i need an outlet #i'll even tag it. are there people still in that fandom #clexa #clexaedit #i am Not tagging the show. in a reblog later to have it in my tag but this isnt abt the show its abt clexa. very separate matters TO ME #anyways i made myself a challenge lmao no siken or hozier #if you know what time it is rn in my timezone mind your business #me sleep deprived: anyways here is clexa with shakespeare and uhhh fall out boy #it is simply not my fault that i found that adc quote while already mentally unstable from rewatching 3x03 #for the first time in over six years #anyways the target audience is me and me alone

[swordsonnet]

putting too much faith in the make-believe

Jon/Martin, rated T, 47K words, 8 chapters, complete.

Summary:

When Martin needs a fake boyfriend to bring to his family reunion, Jonathan Sims is the last person he would have expected to volunteer. Will our two unlikely co-conspirators keep up the act long enough to make it through the weekend, learn to confide in each other, and... maybe even develop some real feelings along the way?

at long last, my jonmartin fake dating au is finished! read from the beginning here or read the new chapter here

#tma #the magnus archives #magnuspod #tma fic #jonmartin #jmart #my writing #i am very sleep-deprived and the side effects are still side effecting. but i did it! i finally finished this fic! #was legit a bit worried that it would just stay incomplete lol

[snazzydwarf]

When I watched the "The Ultimate Enemy" as kid I was, 1) really sleepy as it was 1am or smthn at the time 2) was so in shock about Danny's ghost getting ripped out and him DYING that I cried myself to sleep and had NIGHTMARES-

I thought I imagined that episode for fucking YEARS AND YEARS!!!

Like legit, I would always be like "huh that dream of Danny Phantom I had when I was a kid was pretty fucked up, glad it didn't happen in cannon!"

And the day I found out it was actually real and not a thing of my imagination was when I read a fucking fanfic mentioning Dan-

It's my favourite experience with the show just cuz of how deep rooted it became in my psyche

#dp #danny phantom #danny fenton #the ultimate enemy #dan phantom #confession #i was very sleep deprived as a child #still am but y'know #better

[princesssarcastia]

.

#sometimes i wonder how much of my existence is insulated by like #my detachment from physical reality? #not in a psychosis way! i do not have any form of psychosis #(am i spelling that right?) #but like. there's so much repression going on #also i don't interact with people very much #and im kind of out of touch with how my emotions sit in my body #and i don't come into physical contact with other human beings #more than like. once every two weeks if not once every two months #idk #obviously a lot of this is just self-inflicted bullshit #but still. i wonder #are other people actually Experiencing things #while i am sitting here with earplugs and a blindfold on #in some kind of sensory deprivation tank #....probably if im getting this kind of introspective #i should go to sleep #alrighty its bedtime now

[wander-wren]

it’s 5am i have not slept i have a hot take

i see antis argue sometimes that you CAN portray “problematic” things in fiction, as long as you show they’re bad/don’t romanticize them.

first of all that’s super subjective. second of all.

have you ever read major character death. have you ever read hurt no comfort. have you ever read, like, mindbreak.

i’ve never seen anyone complain about a fic that is graphic torture and nothing else, or like, a mental health ventfic with a dark ending. and i think about that quite often, the different standard we have for sex.

yknow? it applies in other contexts too. have you ever noticed that when people argue fanfiction is a lesser form of writing or otherwise bad, they always bring up sex? “the odyssey vs your 200k destiel omegaverse mpreg” “the great gatsby vs your slowburn stucky hs au where the climax is a full chapter of smut”

it’s a trend i noticed. it exists outside of fanfic too! original fiction circles have this whole thing about not including sex scenes bc The Plot, or dismissing erotica as a less serious, or maybe just lesser, form of literature?

and maybe, just maybe, that’s bad. to some degree i think we put sex on too high of a pedestal. it’s just a thing people do. and, i dunno, i write a lot of angst and whump and what-have-you. i like exploring trauma and recovery, it’s literally a thread somewhere in 90% of what i write. maybe all of it, in some small capacity. i don’t have encyclopedic knowledge of my own work.

so i’m not directly affected by this, but i do think it’s hypocritical, and i do think it’s strange to impose limits. you can create, but only within these boundaries, defined arbitrarily by me. like, okay jan. sure.

#wren wrambles #fanfiction #proship #anti anti #ao3 #idk man #the discourse #its funny bc i dont even go here like #i hate hurt no comfort of all varieties #and the whole. recovery part. thats my jam. so i literally Am drawn more to fic thats Not Romanticizing shit or whatever #some antis probably still want to burn me at the stake #hello my name is wren my hobbies include defending creative expression i personally very much dislike #i dont want to step on any toes tho so if someone who does actually know what theyre talking about more than sleep deprived me #pls enlighten me

[orcelito]

Went skimming thru late trimax For Reasons, got caught up reading the Legato fight, realized things about the fight that I never had before & went WOW, I kind of want to write an analysis post right now!

Felt the same kind of insanity grip me, however momentarily, that fueled all my analysis posts however many months ago. Too tired to actually word things coherently right now, but...

I May or may not have a full(ish?) analysis of the Legato & Vash fight a la style of This post analyzing the Trigun: Multiple Bullets fight that got unexpectedly kind of popular. People seemed to really appreciate that one, & I even had some ppl saying it could be cool if I did that for others?

So. Legato fight. Maybe. Feel free to remind me later if u see no mention of it again for over a week lol

#speculation nation #ive been wanting to go back into reading the manga again #ive only slowly (VERY slowly) been puttering along with where i am in my fic #for research purposes with the fic. #i do want to go back through the manga bc i STILL havent done a full reread of it #ive just reread so many different parts of it for assorted research that im probably getting to some 10 or so reads total lmao #i wanna reread it in full tho front to back to sort out any stray details and remember any timeline things i might have slightly skewed. #the problem with reading the manga though. is that every fucking time i look at it. i am consumed by a drive to research EVERY little thing #so me reading turns into 'hm thats interesting. that reminds me of this thing that i know happens in volume 8. let me just check that now--' #and i end up so dreadfully distracted every damn time. bc i end up with all my wires crossed and my attention pointing a million ways #it's exhausting. and so i havent been reading the manga outside of random research dives. #im very good at that. i know every volume of the manga and can find Anything within 1 or 2 mins (at the Most) #which is also kind of the problem lol. fingers in too many pies. so many things to think about. #if i get back into Actually rereading the manga tho you can bet ur ASS ill find more things to make posts about #every time i open up the manga i find new things that i could analyze. #i just havent. bc i dont have time. but. ykno what. maybe i Could get back into it... #remind me later. this is one of my favorite fucking fights with my favorite Fucking panels #and i realized smth about the shit Vash is doing that was making me lose my MINDDDD #later tho. ive been sleep deprived today. and it is time for me to rest. #& yea yea ITNL is still the main focus. but idk i have such a mind for details and i remember So many things about the manga #i wanna show that off to people again. and thus. Analyses!!! :D #later. goodnight for now

[bmpmp3]

more fashion dreamer pics! more Dave plus I made my OC Meena (that one of many OCs i made off a dream LOL) as a second muse! i dont have a very close hair colour for her vaguely pinky creamsicle colour i usually paint her with rn so she just has fully pink hair for the time being jhkfldskjrf also raven showed up at my showroom! and some isaac fits because they say shit like %#^[#!{%#% so i always wanna talk to them LOL

can u tell "flirty" was my favourite style in style savvy DS vhjbelkfrfe

#fashion dreamer #the very first game the original DS game. i miss u flirty. i know it got like #divested into mostly bold and a bit of girly and pop #irl i think its supposed to be inspired by like gyaru-ish stuff and a lot of general 2000s hot pink shenanigans #looks like jirei kei but more tube tops and fur and a more saturated pink LOL #it was a bit redundant of a style so it makes sense they got rid of it after the first game #but listen. black and hot pink and bows and lace. i just love it HJKDLSJFKDS #attempting to single handedly make as much flirty esque clothes as i can now #thats one thing thats nice about the clothing making aspect of this game. its a bit more limited than i would like rn #but now i can make ALL the flirty style. i can even make type b flirty.... im unstoppable #like everyone else i expected but am still a bit bummed by the genderlocking in this game #i expected the clothes but the socks and shoes being locked is a bit of a killer sometimes.. #i want type a's in dress shoes and type b's in heels is that so much to ask #also i want fishnets for type b so so desperately #let dave wear fishnets. please #what was a bit of a shock tho was the npc poses u unlock are also type a or b only #which SUCKS because NOW type a's cant look half asleep like sleep deprived simon #and type b's cant do a tadaaa pose like woodland whateverhernamewas #its so sad because my oc dave would be perfect for the tadah! and my oc meena would be perfect for the half asleep #THAT i hope they update especially cause like yeah u need to alter things for the different rigs but its an animation man #pwease. pwetty pwease i want those poses to be universal ;-; #still playing like daily tho LOL intensely addicting gameplay despite the many flaws

[nowihatemyself]

/

#soooooo i have two presentations the week after my eras show and i’m losing it bc i should not be going to a concert the weekend before the #last week of the semester but i am doing That and it is VERY IRRESPONSIBLE of me #and i feel like a terrible student #and i know i’m going to be verrrrrrrrry stressed and most likely sleep deprived for the next two weeks and the show might make it worse #but like……………. i am STILL going to that show #it IS a Very Very Bad Idea #but i still just don’t have it in me to care enough to decide not to go #after everything that’s happened in the last 3-4 years i’m going to that fucking show #the pandemic was just icing on the most terrible cake ever #anyway <333333 these are my thoughts for today #hope u all are well :)

[ardentpoop]

anyway supernatural season 2 episode 12 "night shifter" do you remember her.

#i practically started frothing at the mouth w excitement watching it lmfao #the magic is still there i fear #it's season 2 specifically!! i could explain why but i am very sleep-deprived and also who care

[manybrokenquills]

When I was still a little girl who smiled up at the sun and the moon, thinking of them as her parents, and who, like the earth, gazed up and stared as if the star would burn out and the moon would drift away faster if she didn't, I wanted to be like my parents, but now... I no longer want to become my mom. When she looks at me, she thinks about how she could have been different — after all, she grew up impoverished, while I am growing up nourished. She loves me to a certain point, and I reached that point when I hit puberty. I reached that point when the training bras my mom bought me when I was eight no longer fit. I reached that point when I "bloomed into a young woman," as she would constantly say. I also don't want to be like my dad. He initially wanted a boy, but now, as I sit in my room all day long to avoid him, he acts like he always wanted me as a daughter. He pretends as if he never told my relatives that he wished I were a boy to even out the family. He pretends as if he didn't try to fit me into a masculine stereotype, and when I decided that I wished to be more masculine, he tried to shut it down, as if nothing ever happened, as if I were still a little girl. A girl who thought that her parents were eighteen and her sisters were six, despite her also being six. A girl with flowing ginger locks, a girl with a constantly dirty face, a girl who had the brightest but most awkward smile, a girl who just wanted to be held, held in a hug between her parents till she fell asleep.

#constructive critism welcome #like please give it actually #i am very sleep deprived #i still dont understand tags #nor do i understand tumblr #but #poem #im so tired #of being shoved into boxes #and i hate it #i hate it all #i just want to be held #i just want to be loved #i just want to be happy #i just want to be little again