#i can be more rambly and verbose here and people are less likely to take it out of context

[secretgamergirl]

A Little Trans Primer Supplement on “Transing Kids”

This post is a bit of a supplement to an old one I’m rather proud of- A Little Fact Checking Primer on Trans People, and also as a follow-up to decidedly less cheerful- A Little Horrifying Primer on Transphobes, and to a lesser extent, TIMs Aren’t Real. As I’m writing this it’s Pride Month, so I’d appreciate it if people circulated all of those around again.

Today though I’d like to really drill down on one particular bit of misinformation, as it keeps coming up lately as “justification” for some truly horrific acts of discrimination and child abuse, so let’s just take a moment to pick apart the entire notion of “transing kids.”

Here’s the specific propaganda in question, written out as verbosely as I can ever recall seeing it:

“’Being trans’ is a mental illness known as Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria which is spread to children in the form of a social contagion, contracted either by reading blog posts full of dangerous ideas by trans people, or occurring spontaneously as a child seeks to be popular at school, or is inflicted upon a child by homophobic parents who would rather their child be another gender than gay. This then leads to them being fast-tracked into irreversible hormones which render them infertile and mutilating surgeries that they all regret and therefore kill themselves!” - FALSE

There are, frankly, more lies in that rambling paragraph than I can count without just picking the whole whole thing apart piece by piece and addressing it one item at a time. So let’s do that.

“’Being trans’ is a mental illness..” - FALSE

Despite the confidence of bigots as they routinely confront trans people shout “you’re mentally ill!” being trans is absolutely not a mental illness. Being trans is just one of those things a person can be. Like being left-handed, or being gay, or having detached earlobes. It is impossible for a person who isn’t trans to become trans, and it is impossible for a trans person to stop being trans. Anyone who ever tries to tell you otherwise is directly contradicting literally everyone you might think to check that with, from the World Health Organization to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

“...known as Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria...” - FALSE

I believe I may have covered this in an earlier primer, but “Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria” or “ROGD” is a completely fake disease invented by a bigot in the hope of creating a scientific sounding term to scaremonger with. The notion has been actively debunked and discredited since the term was coined, and even when initially presented, the “evidence” offered that such a condition might exist was a collection of anecdotes from forums dedicated to transphobia, claiming to have all had “young children” who all “suddenly declared that they were trans with no prior signs of this” who, on later examination, proved to be referring to children from the ages of 17 to 30 who by and large did not inform their overtly transphobic parents that they were trans until some time after they were safely out of their homes.

“...which is spread to children in the form of a social contagion, contracted either by...” - FALSE

The actual concept of “social contagion” is that one can track a phenomenon like repeating a joke someone heard to someone else through a large population in a fashion similar to how one might track the spread of a disease. Proponents of the whole “ROGD” thing instead seem to hope to convince people that there exist actual maladies one can contract by learning about them. Like if I explained to you that blue-blistering brain pox existed, and caused you to break out vivid blue sores, such sores would suddenly appear all over your body. As if I were a witch or something. It’s a downright astounding example of magical thinking.

“...or occurring spontaneously as a child seeks to be popular at school...” - FALSE

The idea that coming out as trans is a way to become more popular at school is the sort of thing that frankly could only possibly make any sort of sense from the mindset of an abusive parent learning that their child has discovered some exterior social support network, and I’m frankly amazed it’s an idea anyone even try to float with the general public. The unfortunate reality is that being openly trans at school opens a child up to violence and discrimination, both from other students, and from school staff, a basic fact of life one would think everyone would be intimately aware of as the most common verbal elements of all bullying are suggestions that the person being bullied is a boy with feminine qualities or a girl with masculine qualities.

“...or is inflicted upon a child by homophobic parents who would rather their child be another gender than gay.” - FALSE

This feels a bit like belaboring the point, but this is, first off, not a type of parent that exists. Homophobia is always rooted in the idea that same-sex attraction makes someone inherently less feminine/less masculine, and bigots have always envisioned some sort of spectrum on which being trans is some sort of more extreme version of being gay. It is extremely unlikely that there has ever been anyone in history who has had a child come out to them as gay and been met with an exclamation of “why couldn’t you just be trans!?” but it is exceedingly common for trans children to be asked “why couldn’t you just be gay!?”

In addition to that, it is actually less common for trans people to be straight. So for instance, a trans girl, whose parents mistakenly perceive her to be a boy, is more likely than not going to be attracted to other girls instead of or in addition to boys. So bigots pointing at any given trans girl and insisting her parents “changed her from a boy to a girl” because she liked boys are, more likely than not, wrong on both those counts.

“This then leads to them being fast-tracked...” - FALSE

So, first off, the disingenuous framing here is suggesting not only that being trans is a choice, it’s a choice other people make for you, which is just stunningly divorced from reality. Parents simply do not spend several years raising a child as one gender and then decide they’d like to switch things up. That does not happen, full stop. If that ever were to happen, one would assume the child in question would not be at all on board with the idea, and there would be absolutely no reason for them to go along with the plan without any objection or mention of it to others. Even if firmly coached or questioned, children can’t keep up the sort of deception that would require. To say nothing of needing to get doctors on board with this plan, school administrators, and various other authorities, all of whom, here in reality, are notoriously stubborn about acknowledging and accepting trans people, even when explicitly required to do so.

And speaking of how things work in reality, even the most accepting parents will not assume their children are trans even when making it real obvious. Every story you ever hear of any parent accepting a child as trans starts with that child making a surprisingly bold and unambiguous declaration of what their gender is. People, by nature, will naturally attribute anything less than that to basically anything else, which is rather understandable as being trans is, contrary to what you might think from all the public attention, quite the rare thing for anyone to be.

And of course if we’re talking about “fast-tracking” medical transition... well let’s save that for the next point.

“...into irreversible hormones...” - FALSE

“Hormones,” or to use the proper medical terminology, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is never administered to children, full stop. The very suggestion that it ever should be administered to children is something I would never expect any medical professional to ever sign off on either, as the idea behind it is to correct hormonal imbalances in trans people such that their levels of various androgens and estrogens are in line with people of the same gender who are not trans, and the typical human body does not start to produce those in particularly high quantities until after puberty.

Even after the onset of puberty however, when administering HRT to trans teens would actually be tremendously beneficial, causing them to develop in the exact same way as their peers, at the same time, with tremendous benefits to their overall health, social development, and self-image, we don’t administer it to them.

Decades ago, fearmongering over the concept that some teens might be misdiagnosed as trans, and that such teens would be “irreversibly damaged” by spending a few years with the wrong mix of hormones, a compromise was reached to instead administer trans teens puberty blockers. Drugs first developed for the treatment of precocious puberty (the condition requiring us to say “the typical human body” earlier) to delay the large-scale production of androgens and estrogens until legal adulthood, at which point, if they haven’t changed their mind, switch to HRT for a normal puberty (if a few years late in getting started), and if they are in fact one of these theoretical misdiagnosed teens, they can simply stop taking puberty blockers at any time, and unpause their normal development.

Such teens incidentally remain theoretical, as much to the frustration of organized transphobes, there have been approximately zero teens in the multiple decades where this has been the policy who have not continued on through the full period and gone on to start HRT, because again, there simply aren’t any people out there declaring other people to be trans, and trans people have to really argue a strong case to be acknowledged and given proper treatment. At time of writing, they don’t seem to have found a compelling way to argue how this rationalizes their position and seem to be relying on a general medical conspiracy.

“...which render them infertile...” - FALSE

Some countries have had policies in the past (and others still to this day) which prevent people from being legally recognized as trans unless they submit to forced sterilization. There is no actual medical, psychological, or ethical basis for this, nor is it part of the international standards of medical care for trans people, nor does HRT remove the ability to produce children. In fact, many of the same people spreading misinformation to this effect spend an equal amount of time throwing absolute fits over seeing language printed that acknowledges the fact that trans people are able to have children. That said, anyone planning to both have children and start a regimen of HRT should discuss things with their prescribing doctor because there are a lot of corner cases to account for there.

“...and mutilating surgeries...” - FALSE

Trans-related surgical procedures are not performed on minors. It’s a blatant lie to suggest they are. There are also no grounds for referring to such surgeries as “mutilating,” and there is a truly deplorable amount of misinformation out there on what such surgeries actually entail. If anyone uses the phrase “cut off” in regard to anything a trans person may chose to have done, that person is outright lying.

It is of course very much worth mentioning the very notable exception of people with certain intersex conditions, on whom it is alarmingly common for doctors to, in fact, perform rather horrifying surgeries the very day they are born, making the on-the-spot decision, frequently without even their parents’ knowledge or consent, and declare them a boy or a girl depending on exactly what sort of surgical result they were going for. This is, of course, a horrific practice that should be ended immediately, but is only relevant to the subject of trans children if one considers a boy whose genitals were trimmed down to resemble those of a girl and then declared to be such on his birth certificate to be as trans as a boy who was visually read and marked as such without any surgery to force him into that box, and we typically leave that call to be made by the particular boy who was given unethical surgery without his consent.

“...that they all regret and therefore kill themselves!” - FALSE

Possibly the most malicious lie spread about trans people is that medically transitioning (that is to say, any combination of HRT and surgery) causes regret in trans people, and leads to a high rate of suicide. The actual numbers cited come from a variety of disingenuous sources- some made up completely, some pulled from a particular decades out of date study which has become something of a holy relic for anti-trans extremists but does not actually have any relevance to anything involving trans people, and frequently numbers are pulled from valid studies on trans people, but from the wrong line (i.e. citing the likelihood of suicide among trans people PREVENTED from being able to medically transition.

If one is to look at any of the many, many actual studies conducted on the outcome of treatment for trans people, medical transition yields uniformly positive results across the board, and trans-related surgical procedures have a lower rate of regret of any type of surgery that is ever performed. i.e. more people are happy with gender affirming surgeries than say, knee or hip replacements.

Not that that has any relevance on children of course, because nobody is performing any such surgeries on children. In fact, no one is doing anything at all to children in regards to them being trans other than, hopefully, acknowledging that they are speaking the truth when they explain that they are trans, and addressing them properly after that has been cleared up. Which is something that should not be in any way offensive to anyone, but unfortunately gets very much under the skin of hateful people who get actively angry any time they hear a trans child is not being actively abused.

This of course leads us to the big question...

So if nobody is “transing” children, nor “diagnosing them as trans,” how do children (or teens, or adults for the matter) come to the understanding that they are trans in order to ask for proper treatment?

The simplest answer I’ve seen anyone give to this question is, “you get misgendered a lot, and it really bothers you.” I can’t really think of a better way to put it than that.

It’s not like this is the be-all end-all answer on the subject, but generally speaking, we all have a great many moments in our lives when someone refers to us with a gendered term. You’re on the phone with someone, they keep calling you “ma’am” or “sir,” someone’s starting a dance lesson with “OK now ladies...” or you’re watching some streamer shout “OK boys!” or any of hundreds of other things. For the vast majority of people, half of those terms are going to feel like you fit them just fine, and the other half are going to feel like they are describing a category of people you do not belong to. And of course if you’re non-binary it’s possible they’re all going to feel wrong, or right, or maybe you’re genderfluid and which ones feel right or wrong at a given point depend on other factors.

In any case, what typically happens with trans people is that over some period of time it sinks in that which of those gendered terms feel right tend not to be the ones people most typically use for us, and while it can very much vary from person to person how long we can put up with it without objecting (and you know, adjusting for fear of reprisal, repression, etc.) at a certain point you feel pretty obligated to start issuing corrections.

And then maybe you look into the whole HRT thing, because hey, turns out that even among the vast majority of trans people, the way humans are wired, which hormones are typically associated with the gendered terms that feel right for you, which mix of hormones makes your brain properly function, and how you’d ideally want your body to distribute fat, hair, bone densty, skin oils, etc. all line up in a really nice way, so you flip that androgen/estrogen ratio and everything’s great after you give things a bit of time to get into proper gear. Or almost everything, and that’s when you also throw a couple surgeries in the mix if you can afford them.

Other than that all you have to deal with is a bunch of really annoying paperwork, and of course living in a world where there’s a bunch of really weird bigots who have invented an astounding array of baffling and hateful ideas about people like you and just will not stop sharing them with absolutely anyone they can possibly reach. At least there’s the slight consolation that they’re so removed from reality they aren’t likely to recognize you’re one of the sort of people they’re lying about if they’re ever face to face with you.

#trans #transgender #transphobia #educational resource

[aelaer]

Re: Blood in Your Veins

Hey so uh.

As anyone who’s been following me for a while knows, I started the serial “The Blood In Your Veins” about this time last year (it used to be ‘my veins’ but retitled it on its move to AO3 because execution of prompt had changed a bit over writing). It’s a prompt that I couldn’t stop thinking about and just dabbled in slowly to see where it went. Then 2020 fully hit and my writing came to almost a complete stop until about October, which is when I began again on Illuminating the Shadows, which was finished and posted in December.

Anyway, I’ve been poking and prodding fairly continuously at The Blood in Your Veins. The first four parts that I posted originally here on tumblr are now all on AO3, and once part 5′s up I’ll link it here and link everyone who wanted alerts to the updates then so they can see the new part. Then all future parts will be linked here as well.

(Cut because why the *hell* did I write this much about this?)

I’ve been slow in posting because I, against better judgement but why not, decided to post it as a WIP. But that means I keep on making edits to older parts because I think of something new that should be addressed earlier in the story. Like uh, when I was writing part 9, I realized I needed to go back to part 5 and add an addendum. When I was writing part 12, I realized I totally forgot a part that I ended up adding in part 8, because I needed it for a future connection. This happens all the time in my writing and makes posting WIPs almost dangerous because my thinking is rarely linear if the story takes place over a course of more than a couple days. Thus the very slow posting.

So this silly little prompt thing that I was just prodding and poking at to see where it went? The farking doc passed 50k words tonight. Yup.

Granted, like 10k of that is probably outlining, personal notes, and A/Ns filled to the brim with meta, medical science, fake science, and technical/computer engineering because I love talking about it and giving people info to access easily for their own knowledge. I figure I can’t be the only one who finds this stuff super fascinating and fanfic makes it unique in that it’s not a book where the research is irrelevant, you can show off all the interesting stuff right here and talk about it with people! I love that about fanfic, so much. Sometimes the A/Ns are just as interesting as the story in some stories.

So it’s gonna be a bit slow for however long, but I finished 11 parts (with 10 betaed), have the 12th largely written out (though I’m not 100% sure about it yet so I want to poke at it more), and parts uh, 13 to 17ish outlined. But considering I was like “yeah this is 8 parts at most” like, at the beginning of this, that number is bound to change because characters keep saying things and doing things (including the supporting OCs, who are demanding to be fully fleshed out within the bounds of supporting character roles).

And yeah, this is just a ramble of what I’ve been mostly doing as I haven’t been super active on tumblr this month as this has consumed most of my free time. I haven’t read a lot of works either, and once this is completed I hope to remedy that, before I go into my next two big projects (which were meant to be what I was working on *now*, but then this took over and what will you do. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to complete three novel-length fics in the course of the year, but I’ll see what I can do. I really want to tell these stories).

Uh, this was really long. Sorry, I’m super verbose and don’t know how to be like, succinct. My old boss, two bosses ago now, used to quote Twain about brevity being a sign of wit, but if it is, call me 100% unwitty because I like to ramble. And then I always feel a little bit guilty for writing *so much* about my bullshit, so I feel like if you read this far, you 100% deserve to read a preview of an upcoming section. Especially since you pressed the Read More button! So here you go, thanks for reading my rambles. This is a section from the longest part so far, part 8. It’s a long little bit!

---

"How high's the toxicity now?" Tony asked as he stepped off the scale.

"Yesterday's blood sample came back at 0.45 milligrams per kilogram of your weight," Stephen replied. He snapped on a pair of latex gloves.

Tony offered his arm for the blood draw. "And if 3 milligrams is the magic number for fatality, that'd put my current blood toxicity at 15%."

Stephen inserted the needle at the crook of Tony's elbow and watched the tube fill up. "That's not quite how it works."

"It makes sense to me."

"That's still not how it works." He removed the needle and capped the tube, and as he put everything away, explained, "Saying that your blood toxicity is at 15% implies that you're talking about the whole volume of blood in your body. You're probably at about 5,500 milliliters with your weight, and with the density of blood equaling about 1.06 grams per milliliter, it is like you're saying—"

"That 874.5 grams of my blood is toxic, yeah, yeah, I know," Tony interrupted. By now he was setting up the table for their breakfast.

"I was getting there."

"You were going too slow," he shot back easily. Stephen gave the engineer a look at the comment, but Tony ignored it. "Yeah, I know it's not my whole body's blood volume. Obviously. But putting a percentage on how long until I reach the point that I'm dead makes sense to me. I'm not measuring the whole volume of my blood, I'm measuring how much more can I handle until I'm dead."

Stephen shot him a frown. "It doesn't make sense to call it 'blood toxicity' then."

"Maybe not to you, but it does to me. And I'd design such a measuring tool for me."

The statement caught him off guard. "Design?" He finished packing up the kit and joined Tony at the table.

"Well, if I wasn't stuck in here, I'd design something to automatically read a blood sample, like how glucose meters read blood sugar levels. Wouldn't be hard to engineer something like that. And I'd have it give me the amount of toxicity as a percentage relating to how far along it was until the amount was lethal. Sure, I could memorize the numbers, but the percentage would be more concrete in my head."

Stephen smeared butter over a piece of bread as he listened. He shook his head at the end of Tony's explanation. "Wouldn't work for the consumer market; there's too much room for interpretation as to what the percentage means."

Tony huffed. "Well, like I said, it'd be for me. Not the consumer market."

His brow furrowed. "You're telling me that you can make a blood test as simple as the one used for testing blood sugar levels for something as rare as palladium poisoning?"

He narrowed his eyes. "... yes…"

"You can make it portable like the glucose meters?"

"Yeah, of course."

"And affordable to most hospitals?"

Tony looked up in thought. "I don't usually factor in the costs of materials and manufacturing in personal projects, and others do the number crunching to see if my ideas are viable for production in company projects. If they aren't, but I really want them to be, I'll tinker a bit more, sure."

Stephen couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Do you realize the amount of money you could save for both hospitals and patients across the country with such technology? Specialized blood tests—like for many metal poisonings, for instance—aren't offered at every hospital. It may not be available even in every state. Those types of lab results can take weeks to get back to a doctor and the patient. And you're saying that you can not only potentially create this type of technology, but that you may be able to make it affordable if you really want them to be?"

"Well yeah, sure. I've done it a few times with other things. I could probably do that with a blood meter thing. I doubt the tech's that complicated."

His mouth was partially hanging open, Stephen realized this, but he couldn't bother at the moment. He was flabbergasted. The first thought that came to mind went to his mouth, unfiltered. "And you spent the last two decades building weapons."

"Don't." The word was sharp and filled with an overabundance of emotion.

Stephen fell silent. He crossed a boundary he had yet to see before now, and he was not so callous as to push against it. Instead he turned to his meal and focused on eating. He avoided looking at the other man.

A couple minutes later, Tony spoke again. It was low, pensive. Thoughtful. "There was a good reason I shut down weapons manufacturing after I got back from Afghanistan, you know. If the department ever comes back, it will be with major restrictions and modifications. Likely more defensive than offensive. More shields, less missiles. But in the meantime I've been restructuring. Expanded in commercial aerospace and industry. We entered the energy market properly. Consumer products is coming soon—end of the year, probably." A pause. "Don't see why we can't look into medical tech, either. Certainly wouldn't hurt to try."

He could only nod and say, "It certainly wouldn't."

#my writing #my wips #fic snippet #stephen strange #tony stark #also why do my fics spiral out of control like this #i mean really

[firewoodfigs]

it’s Saturday (finally)! here’s my shoddy attempt at consistency and journaling, and a quick summary of my disorganised thoughts 💃 no, I’m lying. I read through it and it’s not all that quick because my tendency for verbosity knows no bounds

This week was a lot more hectic than the past two. I spent Monday to Wednesday doing research and compiling them together into a knowhow, but Thursday and Friday were the worst because I suddenly got swamped with emails. Both days I had to work till / beyond midnight, and I still have about 200 more pages of corporate documents to proofread... I wanna scream just thinking about it LOL. I’m grateful to have a job during an economic climate like this, but sometimes it feels like everything is addled with so much uncertainty that I just can’t help but wonder if I’m doing the right thing with my life :’) 

I haven’t been using the computer as much, because a significant portion of my 24 hours is dedicated to using it, albeit for other less interesting purposes (also because my eyes are dying at the end of the day). And as a result, the rate at which I reply to messages and stuff have been slowing exponentially (I’m so, so sorry about this!!) but I’ll get to them soon <3 Just an update that your friendly chaotic online persona is still alive LMAO 

My creativity feels incredibly stifled this week. I haven’t been able to write anything without second-guessing myself, or without being overcome by lethargy or restlessness or self-doubt, or a regrettable mixture of all 3. :’) Hopefully the weekend will be a good time to recharge. I’m not planning to touch any work this weekend since it’s not as urgent as the other matters were, but this might mean that I have to work till midnight again on Monday and Tuesday LOL. But it’s fine. Priorities, ykwim!! (Weekends are a luxury and I’m not going to waste it like this LOL) 

Date nights on Thursdays are so much better than date nights on Fridays, although it does tend to make us both feel like the weekend is already here �� I mean, the fact that it’s so much less crowded is already a big plus to me. I know people call me out all the time for being a paranoid hen and whatnot, but I just freak out when people come too close to me in public in a blatant disregard of the concept of social distancing (one of my biggest pet peeves is also when people remove their masks to sneeze or cough in the open, which happens a lot here. I mean, you might as well not wear a mask, or you might as well just stay... at... home...). Also a lot of restaurants mark up prices on Friday nights and we got to escape that >:) 

I’m very thankful I got to squeeze in some time to spend with my bf and a couple of friends despite the sheer busyness of everyone’s week. The transition feels so surreal, and I know it’s been a lot harsher on some of my other friends too, than it has been for me. I’m glad that we at least have each other to vent to and struggle with, just like we did back in law school. Easier to struggle together than alone. :’)

On a related note, some thoughts I had about love and understanding last night - I think it’s easy to find love, if we just look hard enough and put aside the premium that society places on romantic love. Love comes in so many different forms - a simple gesture like a short text, an exchange of memes, an invitation to check out a new cafe together; from so many different sources - whether intrinsic or extrinsic, whether platonic or familial. But being understood has always felt like a privilege to me. A lot of times people just tend to think that I’m too “unexpectedly” deep or emotional or sensitive or intelligent, that I have a “surprising” amount of problems for someone who always seems so bubbly, or that I’m just downright eccentric (the last one is completely valid though LMAO). But I’m just so, so grateful to have people in my life who can understand me on an emotional, psychological and intellectual level, and that I don’t have to explain or justify myself for feeling a certain way because they just get it. It’s... validating. Different, in a good way. It’s so important to me because I truthfully don’t talk about my feelings a lot, although I’m trying to now because constant suppression is just a set-up for an inevitable explosion. :’) 

I got my pay check, and!!! The first thing I did was to set up a separate savings account and deposit a decent portion of my salary there so that I won’t touch it for the rest of the month (hopefully) :’) I also got to pay off a small bit of my current outstanding debts, which is great. I'm really looking forward to the day I finally clear all my liabilities. But yes, I think my 19-year-old self would’ve been very proud of myself for not spending it recklessly hahaha. I used to have terrible, and I mean really terrible, fiscal management skills. Like, when I was in first year and second year I was tutoring a ton of people, but somehow my funds were just always depleting uncontrollably. It only dawned upon me much later that I was not conscious or cautious when it came to my spending habits (s/o to my bf and friends for explaining this to me and for teaching me how to manage my finances!!! ilyall), and that I really didn’t have a habit of saving for rainy days or for the future, in general. I watched this documentary about how people from less privileged socioeconomic backgrounds tend to fall into this trap of ‘tunnel vision’, sans wanting to splurge on everything while they can because they never had the chance to do so in the past, or because they’re afraid that they won’t be able to do so in the future once the money’s gone. Being poor is also expensive because it means you might miss out on deals e.g. if buying 2 items is $2x-y, vs buying 1 which is $x, you might be more inclined to buy just 1 instead because it’s all you can afford at the moment. It definitely struck me hard, because I think when I first got all that money I didn’t think of saving it. I just wanted to buy a ridiculous amount of stuff (and real trashy stuff, because I used to think that quantity > quality especially when it came to clothes) and ~ treat myself ~ for roughing it out in law school, but hey, there are other ways to treat oneself apart from excessive splurging :^) 

My biggest treats this week were the arrival of my books (I ordered The Queen’s Gambit and Grapes of Wrath and I might just disappear from the face of this planet lmao), getting to spend quality time with my loved ones and getting to catch the sunset on my evening strolls! I’m gonna end this long ramble with a few pics of them ✨ stay safe and take care, everyone, and have a wonderful weekend!!! *hugs* 

#not fma #personal #also the fact that I still get 8 hours of sleep a day is nothing short of a miracle #also not saying we can’t buy nice things!! just... everything in moderation (LMAO what am I a health pyramid)

[longitud-de-onda]

I give my humble headcannons request of male reader with Ezra where the reader has a stutter and lisp. I am just an intelligible boy with a love for space man magee

god i’ve been sitting on this one for ages and i can’t figure out how to write it well, but i’m going to take a stab at it anyway...

(i had a lisp for a while but grew out of it fairly young, and i grew up with a friend who had a lisp and stutter, but she went to a ton of speech therapy as a kid which i would actually accompany her to, and after a few years her speech got ‘better’ and so for the last many many years i haven’t had anyone in my life with a speech impediment. i’m not sure on a lot of the nuances, especially when it comes to adults. i did a lot of research, but please lmk if anything is offensive or insensitive that i might have missed)

it’s not really gender specific, so i guess here’s some gn!reader x ezra:

ezra is a verbose man, and he grew up knowing that that was one of the many unique things about him. he would talk and talk and talk and his parents were honestly sick of it.

he quieted down, kept this thoughts to himself, used smaller words and talked less. 

it took a long time for him to realize that it didn’t matter what other people thought. his parents were wrong. so he started talking again. he met lots of people who got annoyed buy he didn’t care 

he actually has two favorite types of people:

he likes the quiet people who like to listen, and don’t mind when he starts rambling (though he will check in very often to make sure you’re still okay with it, probably for months until he’s sure you’re actually telling the truth)

and he likes the people who like to have conversations. 

he doesn’t really care if you have the vocabulary of an economics professor or a five year old (he actually enjoys talking to kids, especially when he knows their parents don’t take them seriously enough), nor does it matter if you have the diction of a rhetorician or that of a middle school student just learning to write an essay. he just likes talking.

when he first meets you, he thinks you’re the first type of person. he checks in all the time, and you’ll nod along, piping in when you want. it might take a while to warm up to ezra, but you definitely do. it’s one of those slow and then all at once sort of things.

when you become more of the second type of person, that’s when ezra finally realizes that you have a stutter and a lisp

before he had just chalked it up to nervousness, or that you weren’t totally comfortable around him. he’s used to it. 

he knows what it’s like to feel bad about how you talk, and though he definitely doesn’t fully understand, he can empathize

ezra is actually a really good listener. he likes having conversations, and that’s 50% of the whole thing. 

he’s quick to pick up on little things like what sounds you struggle with most, and when your lisp gets bad he works hard to make sure he understands you.

ezra’s very patient with you. he never interrupts (except when he gets a bit overexited about something you said) and he will never try to finish your sentences.

he doesn’t actually learn that finishing your sentences would have been probably a bit patronizing had he done it, he really just likes to hear things exactly in the person’s own words.

especially yours.

he loves hearing what you think about things. while you spend time together, he’ll ask all sorts of questions about little things you come across on your travels, about stories from your past, about your dreams. 

he likes knowing what you think. 

that’s when he knows he’s in deep. 

he doesn’t like knowing what you think the way he likes having conversations with strangers. he wants to know who you are, how you see things, how you feel about the things and people in your life. he wants so much more.

and your stutter is part of you.

but somehow, you surprise ezra by being the first person to confess.

you had hoped that you’d be able to get through what you wanted to say just fine but your nerves were high and it didn’t come out very smoothly

but it didn’t matter in the end because when you finished ezra broke out into a huge grin

the sort that makes you feel warm inside too

and pulled you into a hug and whispered into your ear, “I love you too.”

the two of you actually started laughing at how weird and sudden and abnormal the interaction had been for the two of you

through the laughter, ezra placed his hand on your cheek, bringing your face closer to his

you wrapped your arms around his waist as you closed the distance, bringing your lips together, smiling into the kiss

ezra knew how to make you feel loved

and what he didn’t say, but you knew anyway, was that you had made him feel like his words were valuable. and that he was valuable too

#ezra #prospect #ezra prospect #ezra x reader #prospect movie #camila writes #c headcanons #male!reader #ez x reader #request #fluff #ask camila #anonymous

[basilone]

29 and 35 please!

Thank you for sending ’em in!

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? 

I try to move a little bit out of my comfort zone with fic now and again. I am sometimes worried about staying in the same cycle where my writing is concerned, where I’m just hamsterwheeling away in place without making any kind of actual progress in skill, and so I set myself fun little challenges every now and then! 💜

I did one fic that needed to have 500 words exact, no more and no less. It was a real challenge, because I often get really verbose and easily write more than 2k on a prompt alone. It forced me to think about how I used my words to impact the scene -- I had to strip some of the extra scene dressing out, ensure that it was an introspective scene without much in the way of dialogue, etc. I think that one taught me how to paint a miniature of a scene where it’s just one outtake of a moment that teaches you about someone’s character more than it does the plot.

Another time, I challenged myself to write chronologically without any scene break liberties in between. It turned into a fic that taught me a lot about how I move characters from place to place and how I often use scene transitions as a handwave when stuck. I’m not a chronological writer by nature and do a lot of skipping back and forth as I write, so it was really strange to set up a scene and have to walk it through all the way and go through the building process the same way the characters did!

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

My people are going to be howling over here like “no, Eva, not again” when I say this, but for me it is so important to have the characters I work with make sense in any setting and any universe and have them be recognizable as being those characters. I talk about character baselines/cornerstones a lot when I talk writing, because those are my way of ensuring that a character always remains coherent throughout the whole fic.

When it comes to canon characters, this is like stripping the varnish off and examining the archetypes/tropes that come into play for this character piece by piece. The coat of paint might change from fic to fic and from AU to AU, but the mechanism beneath it is the same. Like, Speirs may have vampire teeth in one of my universes and be chosen by the god of War in another.. but he’s still recognizable as Speirs to a reader, because I keep him tightly wrapped in that competent-but-kinda-spooky can-be-soft-but-will-kill-you-if-needed persona that we know from canon. I use a couple of canon scenes as ‘pins’ on the character board and draw up the lines between those pins for every fic individually. The pins are characterization moments that define who this person is and what matters to them, while the lines are the squiggly interchangeable details of characterization that can take on many different shapes and colors. 

When it comes to original characters, I try to establish the same. I don’t have canon scenes to work with as ‘pins’, so I have to create my own. I do this by essentially asking “why?” with every characterization I decide on. Why does one of my OCs tend to her grudges like little pets? Why does one of my OCs look up to this character, but dislike another? Why does this OC do what they do, feel what they feel, think what they think, act how they act? You’ll probably land with a couple of formative scenes that become the ‘pins’ in their backstory, and while the details (squiggly lines!) can change these ‘pins’ are the anchors upon which their characterization hinges and without which the OC will not have a strong enough voice to be distinguishable from other characters. 

#creative asks #Anonymous

[autumnstwilight]

Burning Fields

Well hello there! Are you a traveler? You have the look of a wanderer about you, and that Boko club on your back... I don’t know what it is you’re searching for, but you’re welcome to stay in Hateno for as long as you need. We don’t see many new faces around here. This village is quite remote. It’s why we’ve been able to survive here for so long, with… everything as it is.

Myself? Well, I wasn’t born in Hateno. Actually I’m from Castle Town, originally. When it existed. So I had quite a close up perspective, really, of it all happen. My family was military, both my father and brother were in the Royal Guard. All dead now, of course... Oh, don’t give me that look. It is all long past. I’ve done my grieving, so there’s no need to pity me. Got it?

It has been one hundred years. I suppose they’d be dead either way by now. I’m surprised I’ve made it this long myself. I think I must be the oldest one in Hateno, except maybe for that Sheikah woman. Those folks sure live a long time. Perhaps you should ask them about the Great Calamity. I was just a girl, after all.

The Calamity? Surely you’ve heard of it. We called it the Age of Burning Fields, that time when all hell broke loose, before the Princess went to the castle to save us all. We were lucky, really. So many villages were wiped off the map entirely. I saw them burn.

… I’m sorry, I got a bit lost for a moment there. Would you like a honey candy? Courser honey is a specialty of the Fort Hateno area. Just boil it up in a pot and you’ve got yourself some fine rock candy. That’ll put a spring in your step. Not that a young man like you probably needs it. These old bones, on the other hand…

Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, the Calamity… Well, none of us expected it to come from the castle, that’s for sure. Safest place in Hyrule, we thought, so fortified and guarded. Made it… hard to get out, once everything started. Not many from the inner districts survived. I was, really, so lucky, when you think about it. A guard took me and ran. We were able to join up with some others who were fleeing… made it all the way here to Hateno in the end.

The princess wasn’t in the castle that day. She was off traveling, doing her pilgrimage to the goddess. We all thought it was terrible luck at the time, but now I wonder. If she had been there, she might have been killed before she could do anything, and then we really would have been lost. Well, that’s what I think. I suppose there’s not much point in it now, all the what-ifs. She saved us…

I remember her, you know, she was a lovely girl. I never spoke to her personally, but I saw her give a speech once. She was about six years older than me, and very pretty. My brother was quite taken with her- he would have been about twelve or thirteen at the time, I suppose. A bit awkward. All arms and legs with a smattering of freckles. Anyway. When the princess was finished speaking, she threw some flowers into the crowd and he got into a bit of a squabble with another boy trying to pick one up. Well, he got his flower, took it home cradling it like it was his precious baby.

Oh, we had quite the fight over that, didn’t we? See, he wanted to press the flower and keep it, but I don’t think he knew how. So he put it in one of my books and it got all smushed and left green marks all over the page. Well, I was furious that he’d ruined my book, and he was furious that I’d picked apart his flower trying to get it out of the book and eventually our father had to get involved. We didn’t speak for the rest of the evening. And then, the next morning, he was gone…

He came back. He did come back, a few days later. But he was different, you know, after that. So much quieter, much more serious. And our father had changed too. I feel like… I hardly saw either of them, in those last few years before. And I wondered if it was what I had done. Of course, I understand now. It wasn’t me. They were preparing for what was to come. But I was just a child then. There was so much I didn’t understand...

Oh, for goodness sake. Here you are, wanting to hear about the Calamity, and here I am, telling you my life story like a silly old fool! You must forgive me… it’s just… I’ve never really talked about any of this… Life here is peaceful, so no one wants to hear any of Grandma Aryll’s terrible tales. But I remember so much… once I get started on it. About the castle, and the town, and my brother...

Yes, I do remember my brother, when I look at your face...

Nevermind. I can tell I’m boring you. You young people, always in such a rush… The world isn’t going anywhere! Well, this is Hateno. Ahead, you’ll find the Ton Pu Inn. My husband- oh yes, I married that guard from the castle- used to run it when he was alive. Now my great-granddaughter works there. The general store is that way, and if you go a little further, you’ll find our famous dye shop…

Oh, no, no, no… I’m fine, really. It’s just a bit of dust from those awful cedar trees. I hope someone cuts them all down. My eyes get so watery every springtime. I… You shouldn’t worry. I’m tough, you see...

Well, aren’t you a good sport, for listening to an old woman ramble for so long? Here, take a candy for the road...

---

This was a challenge to write, since it’s meant to match the style of the in-game dialogue. The vocabulary and sentence structure of someone speaking is very different to the... more verbose way I usually write, and there’s a balance to be struck between sounding natural and still painting a picture. Also I think it’s my first attempt at writing a mute/non-speaking Link (even though I wrote more of a Link-shaped-hole in this fic than an actual character). Another challenge is that the character who is speaking here has some avoidance/dissociation going on with traumatic memories- and they’re projecting that on to Link. So it’s difficult, and ultimately up to interpretation, when they’re reacting to an expression or gesture from Link, or their own emotions (”oh yes you definitely don’t want to hear about this thing, that coincidentally I really don’t want to talk about”).

Timey-wimey business: Aryll is approximately 111 years old, 11 during the Calamity, and 6-7 when the book/flower incident happened. Her husband was in his late teens during the Calamity and they didn’t marry until about ten years after that.

...Long story short, this was meant to make the concept of Link having a sister (from Master Works, along with him getting the Master Sword at 12-13) less sad but i tHINK I MADE IT WORSE HELP

#botw #loz botw #breath of the wild #fanfic #my fanfic

[persondudeman]

My 20 Favorite Albums of 2016

I know I'm late to the whole “end of year list” thing but really I don't think you can make a list of stuff that came out of a year until it's actually over. I see people with the top ten lists in mid December and I'm like, “the year isn't even over yet!” Ramble over, on with the list. 20. Dayshell – Nexus So here's the deal, I was really interested in what Shayley Bourget was going to do after he left Of Mice & Men because he was the only thing that kept me interested in that band. The 2013 self titled album Dayshell showed me that he could make it without his former bandmates and thrive delivering a bunch of fun, raucous rock songs and a few other songs while good in their own right I don't think really fit the style the band was going for and it resulted in a kind of odd reception of what would otherwise be a kick ass album for me. This new album Nexus does away with any of that dissonance and gives us a more cohesive vision of the band's sound. From the opening bass riff in Car Sick, I just have to fucking jam to this album. If you ever see me doing a weird chair wiggle with my earbuds on, odds are that I'm listening to this album. The mood the music gives me is the essence of fuckin' cool. Like, walking down the sidewalk in slo-mo with some sick ass shades on cool. If you're down for that, then get in an open top car, cruise down the highway, and bump the fuck out of this album.     19. Plini – Handmade Cities Plini's been killing it for a hot minute before this debut album with all his trilogy EPs offering up some of that good ass jazzy guitar. The songs on Handmade Cities are just as good as those trilogy songs but without the need of a musical narrative throughline. This is a good establishing album from a guitarist who's fit to be a breakout success. Get on board now because there's already an amazing backcatalog that's sure to get even better. 18. Frost* – Falling Satellites So this is a band I was seriously sleeping on. I legitimately had no idea progressive pop was a thing until I checked out Frost* and their sound is this odd mix of flavors that I really like but I would have never thought of putting together. Essentially it's progressive rock but with a penchant for pop production so you get the cryptic lyricism and scope of prog rock but with a reliance on synth and super glitzy studio effects that by all means shouldn't work but inexplicably does. Jem Godfrey goes HAM on the keys and has a really unique timbre to his voice that colors every track. 17. Mandroid Echostar – Coral Throne I was hype as FUCK for this album to come out. I heard these guys on the EP Citadels and was fucking blown away by the musicianship and passion on display. Their willingness to experiment while not always a 100% success was something I welcome in a band. Once I heard about the new album, I pre-oredered it along with a hoodie that's the coolest thing ever! That said, how is the album? To use a word that's essentially lost all meaning, EPIC. I mean that in the literal sense. Everything on this album is huge! The passionate, booming vocals, the shread-tastic guitar playing, the groovy as fuck bass licks, and the bombastic drums. This album took the experimentation on Citadels and crafted an amazing foundation on which I cannot wait for them to experiment and adapt from. 16. Emarosa – 131 I've been a big fan of this band for a while and even though Versus was a good comeback album for a band who had been on hiatus for the better part of 4 years it felt as though the band was still living in the shadow of Relativity and the self title and that music was good but I couldn't help but want the band to evolve. That's where 131 comes in. From the first notes of Hurt you know this is going to be a different beast entirely than the albums that came before it. Bradley Walden's voice is just fucking dreamy and instrumentally it goes from subdued and ambient to pounding and great. At the risk of starting shit, this album is fit to make you say “Jonny who?”   15. Polyphia – Renaissance There's instrumental bands but then there's Polyphia. In an era of down tuned guitars and five million note solos Polyphia asks the all important question, “can't we have some god damn fun!?” To that end, this new album answers a resounding Fuck Yes. I loved Muse but the overabundance of guest solos and musicians could leave one with the impression that Polyphia wasn't strong enough to stand on their own. Renaissance takes that preconception and kicks it in the fucking face because Polyphia delivers a more cohesive, catchy, and overall fun album. They have technical flair in spades on this album but never is it too atonal or verbose to keep away from the rest of the music. Polyphia has found a winning formula with Renaissance and I can't wait for new material. My only complaint is that after the album's release they made a remix of one of their songs and called it Lit and it was fucking awesome! So now my opinion of the album has changed to it was pretty great but it didn't have Lit on it so fuck!  

14. TTNG – Disappointment Island This is one of those albums I can only listen to once in a while because it is very emotional. Henry Tremain's falsetto is a beautiful haunting deity that pierces my soul and the instrumentation is a light kind of noodley which can be more punishing than the hardest breakdown especially on the track Whatever, Whenever where the strings pluck on after moody disaffection. This section is shorter than the others because I need to be in a very particular mood to listen to this album. If you feel moody and disaffected, put on this album and drift away. 13. Letlive – If I'm the Devil Another band I had been seriously sleeping on. Letlive is normally known for their high intensity fiercely political songs and while I love that and we desperately need voices like that who speak out against political injustices, it was somewhat nice to see them dial it back a little bit and become just a little more personal. I think the intro of the album, I Learned to Love Myself doubles as basically the album's thesis paired with the album title essentially that they have been shaped in a bad way but they're going to love themselves anyway and I think that is a message that needs touting and in the coming years of turmoil, I hope to look to Letlive as a vehicle for change and revolution. 12. Animals As Leaders – The Madness of Many You know how I slagged off noodliness and downtuned guitars in the Polyphia spot? Well, this is different. Animals as Leaders has a way of crafting the densest music that I find pretty accessible. From the opening notes of sitar from Arithmophobia, you know you're in for something you may not fully get your first listen but have an unparalleled appreciation for. While it is less melodious than their last album The Joy of Motion, The Madness of Many offers a lot of great songwriting for those willing to take the dive. 11. The Fall of Troy – OK   Holy shit, The Fall of Troy had an album this year! These guys were on hiatus for 7 fucking years! The likelihood of them making an album at all was astronomically unlikely and the fact that it's so fucking good is a god damn triumph! If you've been missing their particular brand of post hardcore then this is a real treat! Thomas Erak is just as much a guitar god as ever and his voice has aged into a bitter howl that’s fucking intense. Hearing his refined screams and blistering guitar playing is amazing! I'm blown away that even as stripped down as this album is compared to In the Unlikely Event that just three guys can pull of this huge ass sound! 10. Haken – Affinity Affinity is one of those albums where really one song is worth the price of admission. Don't get me wrong, the rest of the album is great too but... 1985. As far as I'm concerned, the album could just be that song and I'd be like, “it was a little short but this album was fantastic!” This album positively oozes 80's synth prog but with a reckless progressive abandon that's quintessentially now that makes it the perfect tribute because you're struck with nostalgia (or if you're as young as me, secondhand nostalgia) for all the good stuff about the 80's like the first 5 80′s Rush albums but coincidentally forget all the shitty stuff about the 80's which happens to be basically everything else from the 80's. I swear the little synth break in the middle of 1985 evokes some kind of emotion in me. I either start crying or get really pumped or have a stupid ass grin on my face or some bizarre combination of the 3 and if you want to experience that too, listen to this album! 9. VOLA – Inmazes With Haken covering 80's synth prog, there's also a great place for electronic elements in modern metal and VOLA showcases that perfectly with Inmazes. It's a bizarre combination of heavy riffage with video gamey synths that works extremely well. I've heard VOLA described as Tears for Fears mixed with Meshuggah and if that sounds like a combination you might like, you need to check this out because odds are you will. Even if it doesn't seem like it will mix, trust me it will. 8.  Three Trapped Tigers – Silent Earthling The fact that I'm putting another instrumental band higher than Animals As Leaders is seen as blasphemy in some circles but you have to believe me when I say that these guys are really that good. They have a really technical approach to synthy music that I haven't really seen anywhere else and are yet again another trio that makes everything sound really big and grand. At times it feels like the Hotline Miami soundtrack but other times it's super bombastic and crazy. The more I say about this album, the less good I get at describing it so I implore you GO LISTEN TO THESE GUYS THEY’RE REALLY GOOD!! 7. Deftones – Gore This album is both crushing and beautiful at the same time with both some of the sludgiest breakdowns I've heard and some of the lightest passages of ambiance. Chino Moreno's voice booms and croons and soars all over the damn place throughout this album and the guitars echo and crunch along with him. It's ultimately an uplifting album by the end but damn does it sink deep into depressions to get us there. If you need to fade away, pick this album up. 6. Balance and Composure – Light We Made Remember Deftones? Well now you don't have to! Okay, that's not quite it but at the same time though, Balance and Composure's latest shares a lot of similarities to Gore with its ambiance and overall melancholy. I was a fan of their previous albums but this new album is almost a complete departure from that style and whereas most bands feel very odd in new territory Balance and Composure seems to thrive. The long stretches of guitar tones and soft ambient vocals layered with light keys is something they've never attempted before but absolutely nail. This is another fade album for those of you who need to fade away.   5. The Dear Hunter – Act V: Hymns With the Devil in Confessional You know how award shows give out awards to actors who recently starred in something that the award show just now recognizes and the award is well deserved but really you know it's for their earlier works and this is kind of penance for all the other better stuff? Okay, well maybe not that specifically but that's my place with The Dear Hunter. I had heard of these guys and checked out a few albums before but this is the year that I really dove into their discography and discovered the treasure trove of gems awaiting me. This isn't to say that the album isn't worth this spot, it totally is. Casey Cescenzo's lyricism is on point as ever with a poetic gravity that makes each bit hit super hard and this album basically went full on musical with songs like The Haves and the Have Naughts I can basically envision taking place on stage. The reason I had that little caveat before this however is that you need to be familiar with The Dear Hunter's previous acts to really get into the album. Granted, the album itself is great, but knowing about the previous acts going in makes it much better.   4. Thank You Scientist – Stranger Heads Prevail None of the people I watch had this album on their top lists and honestly I think they're doing a disservice to themselves. Thank You Scientist dropped one of the most creative, imaginative, and fun releases of the whole fucking year and the so called “critics” didn't do shit! This album is an explosive blast of jazz fusion that's at once technical and crazy but also accessible and catchy. You know what? Instead of me waxing poetically about this album, go check out the song The Amateur Arsonist's Handbook and thank me later. There's a violin solo that's beyond words it's so good! 3. Dance Gavin Dance – Mothership Some of you may know that Dance Gavin Dance is one of my favorite bands and this year they released one of their best albums to date and I'm tempted to say that this is their best album ever. Yes, even better than DBM 1. Where DBM 1 is lightning in a bottle, Mothership is pure cultivated skill over the course of their decade long career. Everyone has never sounded better. Tilian is raw and emotional but still possesses amazing skill and range from screaming along on Chucky Vs. The Giant Tortoise to his soaring over Deception. Jon Mess sounds better than anything he's put to record before with an unparalleled clarity to his screams. Will Swan's guitar playing has been gushed about to death and honestly I can't add anything to it except another glowing appraisal. Matt Mingus' drums are bombastic and crazy but consistent and Tim Feerick's bass provides a much needed spine to the songs. Before I gush myself to death I implore you to listen to this album. Even if you weren't on board with Dance Gavin Dance before, give this a spin because it may make you a fan. 2. Periphery – Periphery III Select Difficulty This is one other instance where one song or in this case, cluster of songs is worth the price of admission. I saw a lot of people turned off by The Price is Wrong's lyricism and I'm hoping that the triple threat of Flatline, Absolomb, and Catch Fire are enough to bring them back. I also see a lot of people wishing that Periphery would go back to their Periphery 1 sound but that's for another time. The fact that this was made right after what I consider their magnum opus Juggernaut and it's still pretty damn good is a miracle in itself. The fact that it's just as good as Juggernaut I can't even fathom. To keep this from just becoming a bunch of gutterances I'll just say please check out this album. If you’re anything like me, the bass line in Absolomb will awaken things in you. 1. Iamthemorning – Lighthouse Technically if we're going by favorites, Periphery would be number 1. However, sometimes I have to forego personal taste and showcase something masterful. Iamthemorning's Lighthouse is a work of genius that needs to be remembered. From the first track I Came Before the Water Part 1, Marjana Semkina graces the ears with her operatic falsetto that I just cannot praise enough and when combined with Gleb Kolyadin's piano work, and a veritable studio orchestra it creates a thing of unbridled beauty. This all culminates in what I think is the best track off the album, the title track where Mariusz Duda shows up and I just fucking die because it's just too beautiful. This is yet another album I can only listen to sometimes. It tells the tale of somebody suffering through mental illness and their suicide. It's very bleak but not without hope. At the end of the album in the liner notes the band has a message that says, “This album is dedicated to the subject of mental illness and we'd like to pass on the message to all the lost souls out there: you are not alone, ever.” I want to take that sentiment with me into the coming years and I hope you do too. Thanks if you read this far. If you want more of this music talk abouty type of thing, tell me.

#dayshell #plini #frost* #mandroid echostar #emarosa #ttng #letlive #animals as leaders #the fall of troy #haken #vola #three trapped tigers #deftones #balance and composure #the dear hunter #thank you scientist #dance gavin dance #periphery #iamthemorning #aoty2016 #aoty #top 20 #music ramblings

[fencesandfrogs]

really hate how i can just lose an entire tumblr post because i accidentally resized a window.

anyway there’s no fun preamble this time i was rambling about abuse and love and i don’t want to reworkshop the lead in joke.

[2k words, 8 minute read. text wall. mostly avoids outright description of abuse, but i still wouldn’t recommend it as reading if you’re iffy about that kind of thing.]

okay to quickly summarize what i said before i lost everything: i’m talking about how abuse shaped my views of love in a way that’s really fundamental and i don’t often realize.

i dated this guy for like three years, if we were older we’d probably have been married ergo i feel weird calling him my boyfriend.

we both had similar abusive households. bad dads, moms who inadvertently exacerbated it, younger siblings we felt the need to shelter from what we experienced. he wasn’t ready to acknowledge his household as such, i didn’t push it.

i have this really unhealthy protective streak over feelings/how people who love me need to confide in me always or they don’t care that i love them, something i am working on and is no longer that dramatic, but in the context of this, it used to be.

when my brother was born i struggled w how i felt about him. he was my father’s golden child (not my mothers, i’m not sure how he’ll feel about her considering i have it as a fact i am her Actual Truthful Literal Favorite Child, but i don’t think she shows it? but i don’t know for sure) something which made me push him away

also, my mom and i lived on our own for two years when i was 2ish in like a really tight financial situation.

so my brother just has positive memories of my dad and even when i’m twelve and haven’t started being done with my father’s bs, i do feel like there’s this massive wall of why i am like i am that he just doesn’t get.

anyway so then my parents get divorced properly and i’m like “well shit, can’t believe i was stupid enough to trust in the stability of their relationship. guess i’m never going to believe in stable romance. time to never get married or have children because like fuck i’m bringing them into this world.”

interestingly, i did not go “men are untrustworthy,” as i would have honestly expected (because i’m basically going “well my mom and my grandmother both picked bad men who were bad in the same way guess my family doesn’t know how to pick husbands”), possibly because of complex reasons that may leak out as i continue to write, for a while, i honestly viewed my mom as worse than my dad. that’s, definitely not true and has to do with how they both interacted with me and how it played off one another, so.

anyway i thought about that but then i also had read the first part of seven habits of highly productive people or whatever its called and was like “hm yes love is a verb isn’t it guess that means love is a choice but also if i love someone then i better do it with my full body because i’m not going to cause the inevitable instability of any and all future relationships”

which, you may be able to see where this is going basically. i’m already hyper protective. there are some gaps in my childhood memory but i felt the need to protect my mom from my dad so do with that what you will. i usually interpret the charitable child-doesn’t-understand-romantic-affection. if for some reason you feel the need to bring this up with me, i will probably block you because i just can’t but it is relevant to this post.

and so my baby brother who i love dearly but also feel is getting all the love and acceptance i didn’t but also doesn’t understand why i’m the way i am (because he’s, you know, six) gets older and i’m like. “hm. seems like now that i’ve made myself a nontarget, he’s taking the brunt of it. can’t have that nope he doesn’t know how to protect himself he takes it personally. that’s weak, but that’s fine that’s because everyone else babies him but not me. i shall both protect him from harm and encourage him to be strong.”

fun fact: we once had a sword fight with sticks. he was six or seven. i was twelve or thirteen. he got whacked and his nose started bleeding. i refused to acknowledge i was doing anything wrong, because he should have accepted the risks.

(in my defence, my mom told me something similar a lot, and i didn’t really grasp that him being six meant he had much less reasoning power. as far as i was concerned, i had sprung from the womb fully intact like athena and just had to be taught how to do things, which meant my logical processing had never improved, it was just always that good.)

but at the same time, i was desperate to win back his trust and affection.

by ruffling his hair because it irritated the shit out of him. but that was done because maybe if he could learn to deal with that, he could learn to put up a wall when anyone yelled at him. and in the meantime, i would happily antagonize my father, because if he yelled at me at the dinner table, he’d apologize to my brother for upsetting him.

now. i don’t think ruffling your younger sibling’s hair is really anything to make a fuss over, and my dad is definitely not the “i do this to make you better” type, so i’m not sure exactly what to say about all this, except that it happened.

and so this idea of self-sacrifice in love, both in drawing other harm to myself and in being “loved less” to prevent future harm, became very essential to my whole idea of love.

so. i have three relationships, in relatively quick succession. the first is a quasi-romance that last for an indefinite amount of time but definitively ends when i decide i need to break up with the second.

the second is 3 months long, and basically can be summarized as: “this person is kind and never yells at me and is attractive. we get along and he makes me laugh and smile and is generally a good boyfriend. he makes me feel special and he respects my interests and he legitimately wants me to be happy. i feel safe with him, and i feel like i trust him.

unfortunately i’m not personally attracted to him, and i have 0 romantic interest in him.”

also, we wanted very different things in the future. we were like 14, but see: “my love for someone must be timeless for it to matter”

so i broke up with him because while i felt some kind of love towards him, it wasn’t what he wanted. which you know is a generally good thing, but it still feeds back into my idea of love.

love is sacrifice and pain. i love him, so i slash our relationship to prevent him from being hurt in the future. it doesn’t matter how i feel.

so then i date someone for three years and i display exactly the same behaviour and while i legitimately think we had a good relationship, i’ve been reflecting on the worse parts & he definitely, i believe inadvertently, took advantage of my self-sacrificing tendencies.

or, to put it more verbosely but correctly, he shared my longevity in relationships/love but not my total committal to 100% of yourself immediately, nor my self-sacrificing streak*.

*we’ll circle back to this

he actually was way more cautious in trusting me. which is actual the true reason he broke up with me, regardless of what he says. but that’s neither here nor there.

so he’s dating this person who is definitely traumatized (case in point: he once put his hand on my shoulder, which startled me because i didn’t know he was there, and i whirled around, primed to uppercut him, before i realized “oh hey i both know this person also i know everyone in this building there are like 10k people in town and 500 people in my school i do not need to hurt anyone”), but he can’t quite acknowledge that because that means he’s also abused, which isn’t true.

so i both can’t understand what he’s going through (which the implication because it’s worse), but also, he understands what i’ve been through. because he’s been through it.

(to which i say: lmao he saw the aftermath. the best parts, short of when i was three. he saw the direct incidents i could point to. i don’t think i ever mentioned a Lot of shit.

also other stuff thoroughly traumatized me. i still carry granola bars with me because if someone says they haven’t eaten a meal i feel compelled to make sure they eat.)

ergo, acknowledging that i need him to make concessions to feel safe and secure in our relationship means that our shared experiences, of which is are worse, are traumatizing, and we can’t have that, now can we?

so i can’t be overly self-sacrificing, unwilling to blame, and yet also turning minor disputes into major issues in a way that demands he meet me in the middle. nominally, yes, he promises to take blame fairly, but he can’t really follow through on that, because that means i am not behaving like him, which we can’t have.

(this was also an issue re. mental health and adhd. pretty much the same thought loop.)

there’s a lot of stuff i think, but namely that time he told me i couldn’t possibly understand how hard it is to make a decision that might cause tension in your family when i, age 14, fucking did that?

like, yeah, i made this decision that i knew would cut ties with my father and i knew might sever my chance at having a positive relationship with my brother, the singular person i love most in the entire world, watched that play out, waited with bated breath until my brother came back to me, still whole, when i was fourteen.

also, i then watched my mother do it again, once when i was sixteen and once just a few months ago.

i think i do in fact understand how that might feel.

anyway i’m losing my point and i’m hungry but basically. even now i have a hard time saying “this is not a fully healthy way to love,” not in a “i don’t accept that i was hurt as a child” way, but in a “but how else do you love?” way

i’m sure you can see that i drag concessions around almost every statement i make regarding my behaviour and the behaviour of those i love. the idea of actually posting this seems bad.

i think finding someone equally self sacrificial, confrontational, and ride or die from basically the get go would be absolutely fine.

(realism check: probably not, but let me have this.)

so. yeah. that’s cool.

*oh wait i just realized so. current theory about break up. is it was an act of self sacrifice just like mine. i’m not really being super fair to him, because i’m a lil angry, there was a lot of stuff going on i didn’t talk about because this is about me, dammit

but anyway he did definitely have plenty of acts of sacrifice, and this break up was very similar to the one i had before. i think he was on some level aware, beyond the cursury reasons given (both from him and me, earlier in this post), that he was harming me. not intentionally, not even always directly, and rarely in a way i blamed him for, but that he was, by the way he was, exploiting something buried very deep inside of me.

so he said, “this is not what i want, it doesn’t matter what matthew wants, this is what’s best for him and that’s what i truly want.”

which, you know, has me being like “ah yes r relationship. how good it was. what a fitting end. he did the good thing.”

should i be thinking that? that’s a discussion for another time.

#emotional abuse #relationships #trauma #child abuse #abuse #q #mine #txt #9th #February #2021 #February 9th 2021 #personal #essay #long post

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

I’m Thinking About Raven again, which means it’s time to babble out yet another emotional essay!

Tara Strong talked about how Raven means so much to so many people. She mentioned people at cons who would tell her how much Raven meant to them...

I was one of those people. (She even put a picture of my Raven cosplay on her Instagram!)

I may be really verbose when it comes to typing, but in person? Especially around tons of other people? Especially when there are a lot of emotions going on? Especially when I’m facing a creator that contributed to the saving of my life?

I get a little tongue-tied. So Tara wasn’t subjected to one of my Raven Rambles^tm. But I did tell her, voice trembling, “Raven means a lot to me. It’s really hard for me to express my emotions, so thank you for giving a voice to people like me.”

And she nodded, she said “Thank you for that” (SHE thanked ME?!), and then asked me if I made my cosplay myself, I told her I got the gems commissioned from a resin artist, but the rest, yeah, and said “I have to get a picture of that.” So we took one picture for her, and one picture for me. (I didn’t pose or anything because my mind was too wrapped up in my heart to figure out what the HECK to do with my body). And I got an autographed card and with one final thanks, I was on my way.

So it was a pretty quick interaction. I don’t know if she even remembers me amidst the hoards of other fans who probably made much prettier speeches or gave her a much prettier smile. But to me, there’s a lot more to it than my struggles with expressing myself. I couldn’t figure out what was important enough to tell her. I didn’t know how long I’d be allowed to talk to her. I didn’t know what would be Too Weird to say. So I spent months leading up to the con trying to figure out how to encapsulate everything Raven has done for me... and, well, that was all I could settle on.

(At least I actually got a coherent thought out, unlike when I met Marv Freaking Wolfman... 8F Literally 3/4ths of the words I spoke to him were “Awesome”.)

But I’m thinking back to it, and like.... I kinda wish I’d been able to settle on a little bit more. I wish I’d been comfortable enough to admit my vulnerabilities to her, to tell her I’m still here because of this character she gave life to, to admit the struggles Raven got me through.

(I even still use Azarath Metrion Zinthos as a mantra when I really need to get my head out of a Bad Place, but that’s one of those things that probably would’ve been weird to say. 8F )

I was introverted and private, I wasn’t afraid to speak my mind, I have depths of darkness in me that most children’s media didn’t touch on, and people often asked me why I spent so much time reading. Sarcasm was my armor and by the time I really started getting into the show, I’d been restraining my own emotions for years. I had always fought for what I believed in, always did my best to be a force of good in this world despite my own struggles, and heaven help you if you hurt the ones I love.

Even before the mystical stuff started playing such an immense role in my life, even before I realized I’m an empath, too, even before the really weird stuff that I’ve come to dub “my Nexus” and a phenomenon the otherkin community calls “synpath”, I related to her on a very deep, personal level. And having someone who I thought might be able to understand me made me feel so much less alone.

So you can imagine why I cried at Spellbound, huh?

If you look a little too closely, things might start looking eerily similar. I saw my mother in Arella, someone who had been brought up in a tumultuous environment, had been separated from me at a very young age, and still did everything in her power to fight for me tooth and nail, loving me unconditionally.

I saw my father in Trigon, someone whose darkness was passed onto me in a lot of ways, and whose rage was truly terrifying. Someone I didn’t want to grow up to become, no matter how much he wanted that for himself.

I really had been training myself to restrain my emotions for a long, long time. The comics go into how this effects her infinitely more than the show does, but in a lot of ways, I related to that version of Raven, too. (My dad had collected the New Teen Titans comics and let me read them as soon as he realized I liked the show, and eventually gave them to me. I fell in love with Raven all over again.)

I tried meditation at age 12, yes it was definitely because I saw Raven doing it, also because I’d started writing fanfiction and wanted to know how to describe something so important to her, and thus I wanted to learn everything about it I could. If meditation helped her, maybe it would help me, too. Lo and behold, it’s my strongest coping mechanism to this day, 15 years later.

And then, by age 14, the really weird mystical stuff started taking its toll on me, and again I found my path running parallel to Raven’s. (So much so that I grieved for the fact that I would never have someone like Azar in my life who could teach me how to cope with it, rein it in, harness it, control it... but that’s a ramble for another blog entirely.)

And by age 18, I found myself also grieving the dissociation I felt from my own emotions. It was of my own design, of course, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. And even then, I found myself relating to Raven in the comics, working to undo brainwashing and seeking freedom. Finding it within myself to explore my emotions and find out just who I really was beneath the veneer of emotional restriction.

There’s so much more, nights I would spend hours journaling how excited I was for the newest Teen Titans episode, how deeply Raven’s pain affected me, how delighted I was to have this source of joy in my life. 

So you take all of this really close personal connection. Then sprinkle in lifelong ADHD that led to “obsession”, as I called it during childhood, but now realize the proper term is “hyperfixation” (because few fans can fandom like an ADHD fan). Add a general fog of emotional abuse and depression, a host of self-worth issues, and inability to socialize with peers (along with a general lack of desire to do so), and you have a child who was desperate to find relief from the sorrow, the stress, the loneliness, the ostracization.

So naturally, I got REALLY attached the moment I started seeing myself in Raven. And I’ve carried that attachment with me through all the deepest struggles of my life, someone I could ‘turn to’ for a smile, or inspiration, or strength. Lines and thought patterns I could recite to myself for a moment of clarity, like a shield against my own inner demons and the tribulations externally. Something that could help me get through the day. A reason to survive, to see what happened in Next Week’s Episode. A reason to believe in myself, because if Raven could stay strong and fight through everything, then maybe I could, too.

She was like the older sister I never had, the encouraging friend, the reassuring voice in times of darkness.

I started my journey as a writer by writing Teen Titans fanfiction, another thread that’s still weaving bright beauty in the tapestry of my life. Dove, among my little family of OCs, remains my favorite to write about, but you bet your buttons Raven takes an important role in her life, too.

Gods, it’s almost time for me to get ready for bed, and I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface of just WHY Raven means this much to me. I’ve laid out facts, but like I said earlier, I really struggle to put words to immense feelings. 

Maybe someday I’ll be able to compose a letter for Tara Strong, and Marv Wolfman, and George Perez, and Glen Murakami, and let them know that the heart they instilled in those characters is something that has acted as a lighthouse beam in the storms I’ve been caught in, but for now, I’m tired and rambling and all I can put to words is a love letter on my own personal blog.

Raven’s important to me, okay?

#rhs personal posts #rhs personal teen titans #i know the feel soulsister #If you ever get curious about just HOW MANY THINGS I relate to Raven on: browse that tag. Anything I relate to Raven on goes in that tag.

[muabannhadatdananggiare]

To create a good philosophy paper, you should be succinct but at precisely the same time explain your self completely.

To create a good philosophy paper, you should be succinct but at precisely the same time explain your self completely.

These demands may seem to pull in other instructions. (It is just as if the initial said “Don’t talk way too much,” and also the second said “communicate a lot.”) Them both if you understand these demands properly, though, you’ll see how it’s possible to meet.

We tell you firmly to be succinct because we do not desire you to ramble on about all you learn about a provided subject, attempting to show just how learned and intelligent you will be. Each project defines a particular issue or concern, and you ought to be sure you handle that specific issue. absolutely Nothing is going to your paper which will not straight deal with that problem. Prune out the rest. It will always be far better to focus on 1 or 2 points and develop them in level rather than you will need to cram in in extra. A couple of well-mapped paths are much better than a jungle that is impenetrable.

Formulate the main issue or concern you wish to deal with at the start of your paper, and ensure that it it is at heart all of the time. Inform you just exactly exactly what the nagging issue is, and exactly why it really is a issue. Make sure all you compose is pertinent to that particular problem that is central. In addition, make sure to say within the paper just just exactly how its relevant. Don’t make your audience guess.

We tell you firmly to explain your self completely as it’s super easy to confuse your self or your audience whenever currently talking about a problem that is philosophical. Therefore just simply take unique pains become as clear so when explicit as you can.

It is no good to protest, directly after we’ve graded your paper, “We’m certain I stated this, exactly what We implied had been. ” state precisely what you suggest, into the place that is first. Element of that which you’re being graded on is exactly how well you could do that.

Pretend that the audience hasn’t browse the product you are speaking about, and it has perhaps maybe not offered the topic much thought in advance. This can of course never be real. However, if it were true, it will force you to explain any technical terms, to illustrate strange or obscure distinctions, and to be as explicit as possible when you summarize what some other philosopher said if you write as.

In reality, it is possible to profitably simply just take that one action further and pretend your audience is sluggish, stupid, and suggest. He is sluggish in which he does not custom essay service wish to find out exactly what your convoluted sentences are designed to mean, in which he does not want to determine exacltly what the argument is, whether or maybe not it’s not already apparent. He is stupid, which means you need certainly to explain all you tell him in simple, bite-sized pieces. In which he’s mean, so he’s maybe perhaps perhaps not likely to read your paper charitably. ( as an example, if one thing you state admits of greater than one interpretation, he’ll assume you intended the less plausible thing.) In the event that you aim your paper at this type of reader, you’ll likely obtain an A. in the event that you realize the product you are writing about, and

usage prose that is simple

Never aim for literary beauty. Utilize simple, simple prose. Keep your sentences and paragraphs brief. utilize familiar terms. We will make enjoyable of you by using big terms where words that are simple do. These problems are deep and hard sufficient without your needing to muddy them up with pretentious or language that is verbose. Never compose prose that is using would not use within discussion. It, don’t write it if you wouldn’t say.

When your paper noises as though it had been written a third-grade market, then you definitely’ve probably accomplished just the right kind of quality.

It is okay to demonstrate a draft of the paper to friends and acquire their feedback and advice. In reality, I encourage you to get this done. Then neither will your grader be able to understand it if your friends can’t understand something you’ve written.

Presenting and evaluating the views of other people

In the event that you want to talk about the views of Philosopher X, start by isolating their arguments or assumptions that are central. Then think about: would be the arguments good ones? Are X’s presumptions demonstrably stated? Will they be plausible? Will they be reasonable starting-points for X’s argument, or ought he have supplied some separate argument for them?

Take into account that philosophy demands a top degree of accuracy. It isn’t adequate for your needs just to have the idea that is general of else’s place or argument. You need to obtain it precisely appropriate. (In this respect, philosophy is much more such as for instance a science compared to the other humanities.) Thus, whenever you talk about the views or arguments of Philosopher X, it is important that you establish that X does indeed say that which you think he claims. If you do not explain that which you simply take Philosopher X’s view become, your reader cannot judge whether or not the critique you provide of X is an excellent critique, or whether it’s merely centered on your misunderstanding or misinterpretation of X’s views.

At half that is least associated with operate in philosophy is ensuring that you have got your opponent’s position right. Don’t believe with this as an inconvenient initial to doing the real philosophy. It is an element of the genuine philosophical work.

Each time a passage from the text is very beneficial in supporting your interpretation of some philosopher’s views, it may be beneficial to quote the passage straight. (make sure to specify where in fact the passage is available.) But, direct quotations must certanly be utilized sparingly. It really is seldom required to quote significantly more than a few sentences. Frequently it shall become more appropriate to paraphrase just just just what X claims, in the place of to quote him straight. If you are paraphrasing what someone else stated, make sure to state therefore. (And right right here too, cite the pages you are discussing.)

Quotations should not be properly used as an alternative on your own description. Once you do quote a writer, always explain just exactly what the quote claims in your own terms. If the quoted passage contains a disagreement, reconstruct the argument much more explicit, simple terms. If the quoted passage has a main claim or presumption, give examples to illustrate mcdougal’s point, and, if necessary, differentiate the writer’s claim off their claims with which it may be confused.

Philosophers sometimes do state crazy things, but then you should think hard about whether he really does say what you think he says if the view you’re attributing to a philosopher seems to be obviously crazy. Make use of your imagination. Make an effort to determine what reasonable place the philosopher may have had at heart, and direct your arguments against that. It’s useless to argue against a situation therefore absurd that no body ever thought it when you look at the beginning, and therefore is refuted efficiently.

It really is permissible so that you could talk about a view you would imagine a philosopher could have held, or must have held, if you aren’t able to find any proof of that view into the text. Whenever you try this, however, you ought to explicitly state therefore. State something similar to, “Philosopher X does not explicitly say that P, nonetheless it appears to me personally it, because that he might have believed. “

That you don’t wish to summarize any longer of a philosopher’s views than is important. Never make an effort to state anything you find out about X’s views. You must carry on to provide your very own philosophical share. Just summarize those right elements of X’s views which are directly highly relevant to what you are likely to carry on doing.

Don’t be afraid to carry up objections to your thesis. It is advisable to create up an objection your self rather than hope your audience will not consider it. Needless to say, there isn’t any real option to cope with most of the objections somebody might raise; so pick the ones that appear strongest or most pressing, and state the manner in which you think they may be answered.

Your paper does not also have to give an absolute way to a issue, or a right yes or no response to a question. Numerous philosophy that is excellent don’t provide right yes or no responses to a concern. Often they argue that the question should be clarified, or that one questions that are further become raised. They generally argue that one presumptions associated with question should be challenged. They generally argue that one simple responses to issue are way too simple, that the arguments for those email address details are unsuccessful. Ergo, if these papers are appropriate, the relevant concern may be harder to resolve than we may formerly have thought. It is an essential and philosophically valuable outcome.

If the skills and weaknesses of two contending jobs appear for you to be roughly equally balanced, you need to go ahead and state therefore. But keep in mind that this too is just a claim that needs description and reasoned protection, as with other. You should attempt to present reasons behind this declare that could be discovered convincing by somebody who did not currently believe that the 2 views had been similarly balanced.

In the event that you raise a question, though, you need to at the very least commence to approach it, or state exactly how one might start wanting to respond to it; and you also must explain the thing that makes the question intriguing and strongly related the matter at hand.

Bài viết To create a good philosophy paper, you should be succinct but at precisely the same time explain your self completely. đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Nhà Đất Đà Nẵng.

source https://muabannhadat.danang.vn/to-create-a-good-philosophy-paper-you-should-be-2449.html

[bluesparkforge]

I'll get the less verbose stuff out of the way first--I'm reasonably happy with the way drawing and writing have been coming along lately.  I've dealt with a substational writing block that's been plaguing me for a while, so it's starting to pick up a bit of steam again.  Drawing, well, I'm trying to put less pressure on myself to always try to take big leaps of improvement with every drawing.  It's nice to think about, but it's soulcrushing to keep doing every time.  That's why my last two drawings--while I did experiment a lot--are similar in composition.  I think I was just trying to do too much every time and just kept getting overwhelmed every time. Incoming self-reflection (again).  Will probably get very rambly.  Stop here if you're not interested--this is introspection specifically on who Zeph is to me. For the longest time, I've never been able to succinctly explain who she is to me.  Who she is is much easier, but [SPOILERS REDACTED x like a billion].  But who she is to me is...a hell of a lot trickier.  I've tried explaining it to a few of my closer friends, and most of it came out as "I love her", which isn't exactly wrong, but it doesn't really get into the nuances of it, either. When I started writing what's now Of Stardust and Splinters, she wasn't the protagonist.  She was more of a sidekick/support to Inkwell, the blandest character I've ever dared to write.  As I kept writing and scrapping attempts, eventually it occurred to me that I wasn't interested in Inkwell--he had no character, no agency, no personality.  I can't even remember his eye color.  I was putting far more work into building Zeph's character. Skip five years, and now I'm here bearing much of her personality and mannerisms*, although [SPOILERS REDACTED] I haven't achieved some of her exploits.  "I love her" is both as accurate as I can get in so few words, but it doesn't touch on how Zeph gives me purpose when I feel lost.  It doesn't explain how just thinking of the strength of her character wards off my depression, how she stifles those nagging voices and niggling doubts with her presence alone.  She is the steady wind in my sails and the storm that fends off anything that might stop me.

She's like this teddy bear, except a lot more fierce and is slightly better armed (hoofed?).   But here's the strange part.  I try very hard to treat her as a completely independent entity, right?  To make writing her more genuine.  She's her own pony in a world wildly different from me in reality.  She has powers, friends, I can only dream of having.  She has two utterly benevolent goddess-empresses for matriarchs.  But...I still created her.  From bits and pieces from other characters I like, sure, but she's uniquely mine in a way nothing else is.  So to think I draw upon her image and character for purpose, strength, motivation...am I drawing upon myself, my own inner strength?  Or am I drawing upon the collective power of bits and pieces of other peoples' art? I don't know.  I'm not sure there's a correct answer.  "Both", maybe?  Food for thought, I suppose. (* I was wearing a T-shirt + long sleeved hoodie in broad daylight at about 80 F / 27 C.  I am not an outdoorsy person nor do I like when it's any tempurature above 74 F.  My brother asked why I didn't take my hoodie off.  Real talk, I didn't for two reasons: A) it's easier to carry by wearing and B) I can weather (teehee) the mild discomfort by just thinking of Zeph, who is pretty heat-resistant for [SPOILERS REDACTED].)

[unabashedempath]

Sexuality and Innocence

(Sexuality and Innocence)

There are times where I feel the best way to express how I feel is only interpreted through words that can’t be necessarily spoken or physically manifested. I feel that to be verbose is to be the most uncharacteristically honest and real-that to verbalize feelings through stream-of-consciousness thought is the truest expression of human expression and connectivity. This open letter/study is not for the faint of heart, and I honestly have no idea where to put this: should I post this for the world to see? Should I keep this buried inside my Google Docs somewhere in a folder where no one else but me has access to? Or should I paint these words all over my body where everyone else can see them, and then allow them to make attempts to persecute me or judge me based on their own perceptions? I have no clue.

The overwhelming sense of nostalgia I’ve felt while being at my Grandparents house this weekend is...well, exactly that...overwhelming. I remember how many times I came here and was shrouded in a sense of love, understanding, acceptance, and happiness. I have fond memories of watching children’s daytime shows with my younger sister, aimlessly imagining what life around me is about, and only really having a full understanding of how sitcoms and old T.V. shows in syndication taught me about how the world works. All in all, as a child, I dreamt of falling in love the way “Cory” and “Topanga” did, or perhaps having that perfectly imperfect group of friends the way “Rachel”, “Joey”, and “Ross” did, or living in a bubble where everyone treated each other with love and kindness the way the characters on “Sesame Street” did. At my Grandparents house, my view of innocence was formed and molded here...it became a place where I could run away to.

It also became the place where I first realized I had an anxiety issue.

I always became overly homesick here: there were times where I would only stay here a day or two, and I would be overjoyed at the thought that on the last day of that particular weekend, either my dad or my mom would spend the last night to come take me home. I was afraid because my Grandparents didn’t have an alarm system in their home like my parents did, and my mind became overloaded with paranoia:

“What if someone comes in in the middle of the night and steals everything?”

“What if there’s a new burglar on the rise?”

“I have to go home-my Grandparents should live with me… there’s something not right about not having an alarm system. Homes should be protected.”

I instantiated this belief without any evidence. And I’m not sure where this all came from. I would spend days trapped in the guest bedroom where I would sleep, or relentlessly cry for hours...the only solace I would have is being called down for dinner, or if my younger sister wanted to play with me for a few moments. And this would happen every time I stayed there. The homesickness and anxiety made me feel abnormal, and later on, I learned that my anxiety was a symptom of codependency, and a common trait of those who are hypersensitive to the world around them…. I also began to notice other patterns of anxiety in my life as I grew up. I would worry to worry then worry upon worry only to worry some more.

As I aged, and I as I grew older, staying at my Grandparents house was less scary. I realized that burglaries didn’t happen like that… and that me and my Grandparents were safe. I also realized that the life I had outside of their home was drastically different from the sitcoms I adored and admired. That I actually wanted to be here more than go away...

And that’s when I realized that I had lost my perceived innocence.

As a woman, losing your innocence is almost always attributed to losing your “virginity”, losing who you are in a “relationship”, or losing your identity in a “partner”. I’ve noticed these expressions coincide in talks or discussions about what my place in society is supposed to be, how I’m supposed to be good, and what makes a woman valuable and whole in the eyes of the world. In the power dynamics and sexual scripts we act out and claim are biologically inherited through birth, we exemplify these roles, process them, and then “gender” them. In reality, these assertions are not necessarily biological, in my opinion… I believe that these scripts are inherited through birth dynamics based on the spontaneity of “natural selection” (which we claim is strictly biological, but I’d like to argue that there is a sense of psychological aspect to Darwin’s theory). When associating this to people, we are born being who we are supposed to be… then, we as a culture create societal expectations and norms that people are supposed to adhere to.

If you think about it, the way I had lost my innocence had nothing to do with sex, but if you research ‘loss of innocence’ in most online search engines...most of the articles will discuss children and sexual development. Conversely, the psychosexual development of children is normal… children absorb and take in their stimuli… and if psychosexual development is normalized (i.e. learning about sexuality through T.V., people, their environment, themselves) then when is innocence truly lost, and why do we assume that in regards to women’s sexuality they are “innocent” until their first adult/mature sexual encounter?

My “innocence” was actually lost when I realized people took advantage of others, when I learned what racism was, when I heard about murder, when I found out that genocide was a thing (and still is a thing), when I learned about rape, when I found out about Red Lining and the systematic displacement of people based on socioeconomic status… and when I found out that burglars commit crimes and break into people’s homes…. When I found out that the world can be harsh and cruel….

As a bigger mental flip, I in turn learned that there is no actual innocence to be lost. Because no one is born pure and innocent in this world. It’s another concept… a part of the psychological “natural selection”.

I internalized this belief that I had lost my innocence… but it never existed. Instead of believing in “innocence”, I’d like to believe in wisdom and maturity.

I find it fascinating how this one concept of innocence played a part in how I portray myself in relationships with other people, and about what is correct in terms of expressing myself with other people. Growing up, I’d been told several times that I needed to never have sex…

“Only do it when married.”

“Waiting is better.”

“You don’t want to be a slut.”

While conversely, being told…

“You aren’t having sex?”

“No one will talk to you if you aren’t sexy…”

And I was told to value one version of myself over the other.

Then, I observed how people discussed sexuality and hypersexuality in two ways:

“The news media is talking about the hypersexuality of young girls and teen pregnancy rates….”

“I don’t like Beyonce… she objectifies herself.”

“I want to reclaim my sexuality through being carefree about sex…”

But then, seeing this:

“I’m anti-Islam because they hide their women… they oppress women because they aren’t allowed to show themselves…”

“Women should be modest… they need to cover up and keep their legs closed…”

And then, finally, this:

“I’ll sleep with (insert fetishizing statement about Black bodies) but I’ll never date them….” (There are countless other things I’ve heard, but then this ramble would never end.)

And with all of that beside me, replaying in my internal monologue, I think about how I project myself in the world. I’ve noticed that when I fully discuss my sexuality with a potential partner, or while I’m currently with a partner, they can only see me as one or the other… and it freaks them out that in their minds I’m “both”... “both” meaning I no longer let my sexual scripts oppress me, and that I also can be warm, rational, kind, and understanding.

I’m “innocent”.

The kind, rational, meek, warmth is from what I mentioned above as the psychological aspect of “natural selection”... these characteristics came from my external environment and how I interpreted them… when I saw sadness, I reacted to it-when I saw fear, I reacted to it-when I worried about something, I reacted to it. The reaction I chose was based on how I interpreted the world, and that became an interpretation of the world through a hypersensitive lens.

That is about me as a person, and while having all of that, I can be sexual, too.

When we discuss sexuality and the implications of gender… we should be discussing life experiences and the idea of maturity, like I stated before. You gain insight and maturity as you learn about the world around you… you don’t lose anything. And our sexualities are not connected to these ideations.

It bothered me that one type of person was validated more than another type of person, and I’ve internalized these assertions and projected them towards others and myself when I’ve talked about being infatuated with someone, while simultaneously being curled up in a baby blanket, watching a little kids movie about princesses or something deemed as “innocent”.

I’ve felt the need to walk a fine line as a woman between these two worlds:

“Am I being the right amount of innocent, and pure, and heavenly? Am I being the right amount of sexy, wanted, reckless, and desirable? Which type of woman am I supposed to be?”

I’m supposed to be a person of good moral character and standing who truly loves others. While “losing” innocence and receiving maturity, I learned that the way to combat the issues of the world and how to approach the fallibility of humanity is to have a good heart.

And the goodness of people comes with the bad, and while trying to grapple the meaning behind “the fall of man” (even if you are non-religious or religious, the idea behind this concept is the same… mankind is flawed) When you can own that and realize that our lives contain these weird road maps without any real sense of direction, and that we adapt to our environment and our stimuli in the best ways we can… and when you can do this and attempt to not want/try to hurt others in your path… that is more important when becoming a fully-realized person than what others attribute to you….

So, concluding, I’ve ended my trip to my Grandparents house realizing that while I have a quick nostalgic refuge being here, it was also the place where I matured as a person. Where I learned how to be a human more than being a woman...and to not have shame about any of the lessons I’ve learned along the way.    

#empath #feminism #womanism #sexism #purity #misogyny #misogynoir #mental health #rant

[muabannhadatdananggiare]

To create a philosophy that is good, you should be succinct but at precisely the same time explain your self completely.

To create a philosophy that is good, you should be succinct but at precisely the same time explain your self completely.

These needs may seem to pull in opposing directions. (It is as though the very first said “Don’t talk way too much,” and also the second said “communicate a lot.”) in the event that you realize these demands correctly, however, you will see exactly how you can satisfy them both.

We tell you firmly to be succinct you to ramble on about everything you know about a given topic, trying to show how learned and intelligent you are because we don’t want. Each project defines a certain problem or concern, and you ought to be sure you handle that specific problem. Absolutely absolutely Nothing is going to your paper which doesn’t directly deal with that problem. Prune out the rest. It will always be safer to pay attention to a couple of points and develop them in level rather than you will need to cram in in extra. A couple of well-mapped paths are much better than a jungle that is impenetrable.

Formulate the main problem or concern you want to address at the start of your paper, and ensure that it it is at heart all the time. Inform you just what the issue is, and just why it really is an issue. Make certain that anything you compose is pertinent to this main issue. In addition, make sure to say when you look at the paper just just exactly how it’s relevant. Do not create your audience guess.

We tell you firmly to explain your self completely given that it’s quite easy to confuse yourself or your audience when currently talking about a problem that is philosophical. essay writer Therefore simply take unique pains become as clear so that as explicit as possible.

It is no good to protest, soon after we’ve graded your paper, “I’m certain I stated this, but just what We implied had been. ” state precisely what you suggest, within the beginning. Element of everything you’re being graded on is exactly exactly how well you could do that.

Pretend that the audience hasn’t see the product you are speaking about, and has now maybe perhaps perhaps not because of the topic thought that is much advance. This may of program never be real. However, if it were true, it will force you to explain any technical terms, to illustrate strange or obscure distinctions, and to be as explicit as possible when you summarize what some other philosopher said if you write as.

In reality, you can easily profitably just just take that one step further and pretend that your particular reader is lazy, stupid, and suggest. He is lazy in he does not desire to determine exactly what your convoluted sentences are expected to mean, in which he does not want to find out exacltly what the argument is, whether it’s not currently apparent. He is stupid, so that you need certainly to explain all you tell him in simple, bite-sized pieces. In which he’s mean, so he’s maybe perhaps perhaps not likely to read your paper charitably. ( as an example, if one thing you state admits of greater than one interpretation, he will assume you designed the less plausible thing.) In the event that you comprehend the product you are currently talking about, and in case you aim your paper at such a reader, you’ll likely obtain an the.

usage simple prose

Do not aim for literary beauty. Utilize simple, simple prose. Keep your sentences and paragraphs quick. Usage words that are familiar. We are going to make enjoyable of you by using big terms where easy terms will do. These problems are deep and hard sufficient without your being forced to dirty them up with pretentious or language that is verbose. Never compose prose that is using would not used in discussion. In the event that you would not state it, do not compose it.

Then you’ve probably achieved the right sort of clarity if your paper sounds as if it were written a third-grade audience.

It is okay to demonstrate a draft of one’s paper to friends to get their reviews and advice. In reality, you are encouraged by me to achieve this. Then neither will your grader be able to understand it if your friends can’t understand something you’ve written.

Presenting and evaluating the views of other people

If you want to talk about the views of Philosopher X, start by isolating his arguments or assumptions that are central. Then think about: would be the arguments good people? Are X’s presumptions obviously stated? Will they be plausible? Will they be reasonable starting-points for X’s argument, or ought he have supplied some argument that is independent them?

Remember that philosophy demands a high amount of accuracy. It is not adequate for you personally just to obtain the basic idea of someone else’s place or argument. You must have it precisely appropriate. (In this respect, philosophy is more like a technology compared to other humanities.) Ergo, whenever you discuss the views or arguments of Philosopher X, it is necessary you think he says that you establish that X really does say what. Whether it is simply based on your misunderstanding or misinterpretation of X’s views if you don’t explain what you take Philosopher X’s view to be, your reader cannot judge whether the criticism you offer of X is a good criticism, or.

At half that is least of this work with philosophy is ensuring you have got your opponent’s position right. Don’t believe for this as an irritating initial to doing the philosophy that is real. This is certainly an element of the genuine work that is philosophical.

Whenever a passage from a text is specially beneficial in supporting your interpretation of some philosopher’s views, it may be beneficial to quote the passage straight. (make sure to specify where in fact the passage can be bought.) But, direct quotations ought to be utilized sparingly. It really is seldom essential to quote a lot more than a few sentences. Frequently it shall become more appropriate to paraphrase exactly what X claims, as opposed to to quote him straight. If you’re paraphrasing just just exactly what some other person stated, make sure to state therefore. (And right right here too, cite the pages you are discussing.)

Quotations should not be properly used as a substitute on your own description. Whenever you do quote a writer, always explain exactly just what the quote states in your very own terms. If the quoted passage contains a disagreement, reconstruct the argument much more explicit, simple terms. If the quoted passage has a claim that is central presumption, give examples to illustrate the writer’s point, and, if required, differentiate the writer’s claim off their claims with which it could be confused.

Philosophers sometimes do state outrageous things, but in the event that view you are attributing up to a philosopher is apparently demonstrably crazy, you then should think difficult about whether he truly does state everything you think he claims. Make use of your imagination. You will need to determine what reasonable place the philosopher may have had at heart, and direct your arguments against that. Its useless to argue against a posture so absurd that nobody ever thought it within the place that is first and therefore may be refuted efficiently.

Its permissible so that you can talk about a view you believe a philosopher may have held, or must have held, if you aren’t able to find any proof of that view into the text. Once you try this, however, you ought to clearly state therefore. State something similar to, “Philosopher X does not clearly say that P, nonetheless it appears to me personally which he may have thought it, because. “

That you don’t wish to summarize more of a philosopher’s views than is essential. Do not attempt to state whatever you find out about X’s views. You must carry on to provide your philosophical share. Just summarize those right components of X’s views which are straight highly relevant to what you are likely to carry on to complete.

Avoid being afraid to carry up objections to your personal thesis. It is best to carry up an objection yourself rather than hope your audience will not consider it. Needless to say, there isn’t any real solution to cope with most of the objections somebody might raise; so pick the ones that appear strongest or most pressing, and state the method that you think they could be answered.

Your paper does not will have to present a certain means to fix an issue, or even a right yes or no reply to a concern. Numerous exemplary philosophy documents do not offer straight yes or no responses to a concern. Often they argue that issue has to be clarified, or that particular further concerns require become raised. They generally argue that one presumptions for the question should be challenged. Often they argue that particular simple responses to issue are way too simple, that the arguments for those email address details are unsuccessful. Thus, if these papers are right, the relevant concern is likely to be harder to resolve than we may previously have thought. This is certainly a significant and philosophically valuable result.

In the event that skills and weaknesses of two contending jobs seem for your requirements to be approximately equally balanced, you really need to go ahead and state therefore. But remember that this too is just a claim that needs description and reasoned defense, as with some other. You should attempt to give you reasons behind this declare that may be discovered convincing by someone who did not currently believe the 2 views had been equally balanced.

You should at least begin to address it, or say how one might set about trying to answer it; and you must explain what makes the question interesting and relevant to the issue at hand if you raise a question, though.

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