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#i don't even go here i just think this is hilarious.
dinogoofymutated · 3 days
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Hey not sure if your currently taking requests but I just wanted to I soooooo stoked that you write for Remy! I've been starved for years cuz there's like no fan fics for him😭.
anyway I was wondering if you could do like a fic or headcannon where gambit somehow got hurt on a mission and is on bed rest but is also like really horny because you wont have sex with his since hes hurt.
If not that's fine I just thought it up and thought it would be hilarious 😂. Anyway luv your work, keep it up😘
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NSFW!Gambit/AFAB!Reader
MMMMMHHHMMMMMM BESTIE UR MIND. ABSOLUTE GENIUS. I hope that you don't mind I did make it NSFW there at the end but the majority is just teasing our favorite gambler. Also, This is for the folks who were also really attracted to that one scene in criminal minds with the bulletproof vest. iykyk.
TWs: teasing, sexual innuendos, explicit smut, Handjobs, Mutual masturbation, PNV sex. Raw sex. (Wrap it bf you tap it yall) Creampie. Reader written with Fem! pronouns.
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"Asolutetly not." You're quick to say it. Gambit pouts as the words leave your mouth, still on the infirmary bed with all the wires and doodads still hooked up to him. He's giving you those scoundrel puppy eyes that he knows you usually give in to, but you're not willing to budge this time.
"No, Remy. I will not be-" You take a quick glance around the room, leaning in a little closer as you begin to whisper-yell at him. "-I will not be having sex with you right now!" Remy sighs in a pitiful way leaning against the headboard in your direction. You can’t begin to look him in the eyes right now, instead lightly pushing his face away from your spot, sitting close to his bed on a chair that you had moved from the corner. His pout turns into an amused smile, as he instead takes your hand in his own, moving it down to press a kiss to your palm. You try not to blush at him. You’re supposed to be standing strong, dammit! 
  "Come on, Chère. S' not like it's gonna make Gambit hurt any worse-” You cut him off by lightly slapping his abdomen. Remy immediately flinches, curling in on himself with a pained groan. You feel a little guilty afterward, flattening your palm to rub the area soothingly.
    “Yes, it would. Remy, I could seriously hurt you. You heard beast, any vigorous activity could rip your stitches.” You say, moving to where you can sit on the bed, facing him. You cup the side of his face, gently moving stray locks out of the way. He rolls his eyes, not at you, but at the memory of the talking-to he got when he had woken up in the infirmary. 
    “Never stopped me before. Since I been with the X-men it’s like everythin’ become a big deal. So what if I rip a few stitches here an’ there?” Remy grumbles. You give him a stern look, before leaning in to kiss his temple. He melts into your touch.
    “It is a big deal, Remy. You need to heal. End of discussion.” You say gently. Remy thinks on it for a moment, before giving you a slight smirk. 
    “And by “end of discussion” you really mean “Until Gambit tempts me into bed”, Right?” He says. You roll your eyes at him before standing. If that’s the attitude he’s going into these next weeks with, you know for a fact he’s going to be insufferable.
    You were right. The incoming weeks were almost as much torture to you as they most definitely were to him. Wherever you went in the mansion, Gambit was sure to follow. He’d be in the kitchen while you would be cooking, unable to help due to doctor's orders, but no one ever said that he had to stay out of the kitchen. He’s come up behind you, snaking his arms around your hips as he’d “Give you pointers”. He’d lean close and whisper in your ear, sometimes giving it a tip or two. But one thing about Gambit is that every time you turned him away, or laughed at him and told him to sit down, he’d get pouty. 
    That was a trend that continued. He’d deliberately go out of his way to tease you, on movie night, in the library, in the showers even. And every time, despite how hot under the collar you might have been, you turned him away. The more bothered you seemed to be however, his pouts turned into smirks. Eventually, you got fed up with it. You were trying to be a good girlfriend and make sure Remy didn’t hurt himself, but if he was going to be a brat about it, you could be a brat too.
    You started off a little more subtly than Remy did. Lingering touches here and there, kissing him just long enough to leave him wanting. You’d wear just a tad less clothing around him, or wear slightly lower-cut tops. You were beginning to realize just how easy it was to get him riled up.
    One particular day, the tension was thick in the air, having coalesced into something barely breathable. Remy was lying back on the bed on his elbows as you redressed his wound, making sure to spread ointment onto the healing stitches and care for the skin. You frequently found yourself drawn to the sight of his lower abs, the large bruise having begun to yellow as it healed. Maybe it was the fact that you hadn't seen his skin in a while, but the sight of him had you breathing a little funny. Remy was also a little quieter than normal, unable to look away from your gentle hands as you took care of him.
    Once you finished, you lingered by his side, a hand pressed against his chest. You look up to find him already watching you, but neither of you says anything. You purse your lips, debating on whether or not you’re doing what you think you’re about to do. Remy tilts his head at you questioningly. He opens his mouth to speak but fails to do so as your hand trails down to his waistband. He takes a shocked breath through his nose, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment before he’s looking at you again through a lustful haze. 
    “Thought you said-”
    “Shut up.” You sigh, cutting him off. Remy smirks at you, biting his lip. You roll your eyes, caressing the crotch of his pants a few times before you begin to slip them off of him.
    “Don’t get too excited.” You whisper, but really it sounds more like a needy sigh. “Just a handy, okay?” Jambit huffs a laugh at you, but doesn’t tease. He's practically bucking his hips into your hand when you finally take hold of his cock, stroking him to hardness. You can’t seem to look away from the sight, watching as his abdomen clenches with every stroke from base to tip. You twist your hand on the upstroke, listening as Remy lets out a curse and a sudden moan just as you thumb his head, collecting his abundant precum as you use it to stroke back down again. 
    “You’re really pent up, huh?” You ask in a heated whisper. Remy’s head is tilted back in pleasure, and he huffs in amusement as he cracks an eye open at you. His hand slides up your thigh, Your legs being pressed against each other tightly to find some friction. You gasp as he suddenly slides two of his fingers up the inside seam of your pants, and you can practically feel yourself get wetter at the touch. 
    “Looks like I’m not the only one.” Remy hums. You can’t seem to pull away from him as he continues to stroke you. The air is hardly breathable, and the burning in your chest and your core starts to become too hot to ignore. 
    “Fuck it.” You say. Remy is confused when you let go of him, only to break into a wide smile when he realizes you were beginning to strip. The shirt is first to go, before your bra, and then your jeans and underwear. Remy wolf-whistles at the sight, and you wave him off, embarrassed. 
    “Couldn’t stay away from the temptation of Remy LeBeau, Now could you Chère?” Remy muses. He’s such a goof. You try to hide your smile as you carefully straddle his legs, making sure to avoid his sore spots. One of his hands holds onto your upper thigh, the other making its way to your center. He strokes you languidly with his fingers before circling your slit and pushing two inside. You suck in a breath, careful to set your hands on his shoulders without putting any weight onto them. 
    “Looks like this pretty pussy missed me as much as I missed you,” Remy says breathlessly. His eyes flicker from your cunt up to your bare breasts, and then to your flushed face. You feel like you’re falling apart too quickly, already climbing that high as he fingers you with those hands you love so much.
    “Remy,” You call for him breathlessly. “ m’ not gonna last too long.” Remy can't help himself any longer, and pulls you closer to catch you in a passionate kiss. He drags his teeth across your bottom lip, letting go of the plush skin. He doesn't withdraw his fingers until your thighs begin to shake and you start to clench down on him. You whine as he does so, barely holding your composure. Remy takes your hand off of his cock, pressing a kiss to your knuckles before gently dragging your hips further into his lap. Your mind is hazy, but you know to be careful as he lines himself up.
    “If we're going to do this, we're taking it my speed, okay?” You say. Remy nods, barely taking in the information. He was ready to be inside you. After weeks of nothing- all he could think about was you. Your giggles, your smiles. Your body. The way you taste on his tongue. The feeling of your thighs clenching around his head.  Remy would do anything you asked of him at this moment.
    You take it slow as you lower yourself down on his cock. The stretch of him feels delicious against your inner walls. Remy leans in, kissing and sucking on your breasts as you take your time. He bottoms out with a wet sound, his hands resting against your upper thighs.
    Remy curses as you begin to move, bouncing on his cock somewhat slowly. Even in the haze of your lust, you're worried about hurting him. Remy, on the other hand, doesn't share the same sentiment. His hands clench around your thighs, and when he can't seem to take the slow speed anymore, he slams you down onto him.
    You gasp at the action, and apologies spill from his lips as he tilts you forward, knocking your balance so you're forced to lean onto him as he controls the pace, eagerly thrusting into your heat. 
    “Remy-” Your protests are cut off with a kiss as your favorite scoundrel begins to take exactly what he wants. His grunts and moans beneath you send another trickle of warmth inside of you. To be honest, seeing him take control like this was hot- almost hot enough for you to forgive the fact that he was certainly overexerting himself- but it was hard to be mad at him when he's fucking you so good.
    One thing about Remy is that he's a talker in bed. If anything, you were surprised he was as “quiet” as he had been the majority of the time. But once he started to get closer to his peak, Remy began to ramble. 
    "You think you're smart? -Ah! Teasing me like that.. mmh… expecting me to just take it?" You're not really paying attention to his words, nodding in response while only thinking about his steady grip on your thighs and ass and the peak you're reaching so quickly. Remy squeezes you harder, almost harshly as he begins to take you faster. His hips begin to stutter, thrusts starting to do him in one by one. 
    Remy lets out a loud groan as he reaches his peak, burying himself deeply inside you and thumbing your clit. He continues to thrust as he helps you reach that white-hot peak of pleasure, pressing kisses to your temple as you ride it out on top of him. By the time you're both fully finished, you're panting for air. You're fully collapsed onto Remy's chest, Remy being absolutely boneless as he rests against the headboard. 
    “You’re such an idiot.” You say when you finally have enough sense. Remy just chuckles, continuing to press kisses to every part of your face and neck he can reach. You sigh happily as he does so, pressing some of your own kisses to his shoulder.
    When you finally peel yourself off of his chest, the first thing you check in on is his bandages. You scowl when you see that they've been soaked through with sweat, but more concerning is the spot of red that has started to form. You look up at Remy with narrowed eyes, and he quickly looks down as well, before looking back up at you and simply shrugging with a gleeful smile.
    “Casualty of love, Chère.”
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Congratulations!!
If you feel inspired by this combo and have time, could you write a ficlet using "I", 🍨, 🥰 or 😂, and 🔨?
Thank you!
(Apologies if you already got this ask--my device froze when I sent it the first time, so I don't know if it went through)
Thank you so much! 🥰I still remember your lovely comments on the mer-dude fic, so I hope you enjoy this little bonus! 🦕❤️🧜🏻‍♂️
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Of mates and mer-dudes
Words: 996
Rated: T
Tags: summer camp AU; mer!Steve; established relationship; flirting; sexual tension; fade to black
Notes: Set in the same universe as Just add water
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“Hammer.” 
“Hammer,” Eddie repeats dutifully. Dustin spends two or three seconds trying to drive the nail in with the object he's been handed, until he realizes it's a screwdriver. 
“Very funny. I said hammer.” 
“Apologies,” Eddie mutters, chucking the screwdriver back into the mess that is their toolbox with one hand and wiping his sunburnt forehead with the other. “I think we've been out here longer than is strictly healthy. How ‘bout we call it a day and head back to camp? It's almost dinner time.” 
Dustin scowls. The hair under his Thinking Cap is matted with sweat and he is red-faced and splotchy. An unavoidable side effect of working out on the secluded pier all afternoon. 
“We can't just stop now, it's almost done,” Dustin claims, gesturing at their rickety construction of wood and mesh - it’s supposed to be an oversized fish trap, even though Eddie thinks it’s turning out to be more of a funky modern art installation. “This'll work, I know it. This time, I'll prove that Lovie is real. All those past times, it got away too quickly, but if I could just-” 
“Jesus, kid,” Eddie groans. “You and your lake monster. You don't know when to give up, do you?” 
“Give up?” Dustin scoffs. “If Thomas Edison had given up, we'd still be lighting candles. If Homer Ahr had given up, we would've never walked on the moon. I sure as hell won't-?” 
“The fuck is Homer Ahr?” 
Dustin heaves a long-suffering sigh. 
“Only mission control's chief engineer, Eddie? Honestly, that's the kinda question I'd expect from Steve, not you. Where is he, by the way? I thought he wanted to help us.”
“No idea,” Eddie admits. “Lucky bastard.” 
Dustin draws a breath, probably to ask what he means, but Eddie is saved by the sound of the dinner bell floating over from the camp grounds. 
“Okay, you gremlin, off you go,” he says, pushing the kid towards the sound before another argument can break loose. “We can finish this tomorrow when we aren't dehydrated and grouchy.” 
Dustin grumbles. “What about you?”
Eddie waves him off. “Be there in a sec, lemme put away your shit first.” 
He starts picking up their scattered tools, throwing them back into the box. Only when he's sure that Dustin is well out of earshot does he collapse at the edge of the pier, naked feet dangling over the water's surface. 
“Man,” he says. “That kid, right?” 
There's a soft growl from behind him, and the barest of sloshing sounds, and a shadow falls over him. He only just manages to suck in a breath - knowing he'll need it - before a massive snout pushes between his shoulder blades and he goes plummeting into the lake. He’s dimly aware of the toolbox going down with him, and then the world vanishes in a whirl of bubbles.
He resurfaces to the feeling of arms wrapping around his waist and massive fins brushing his legs, and the sound of laughing voices - one human, one very much not so. He tries to glower at their owners, but actually needs a second to part the sopping curtain of his hair.  
“So fucking hilarious, you aquatic asshats. I thought I told you to quit doing that.” 
Lovie the lake creature just chirps merrily and dives back under again, splashing him with her fins as she goes. 
Steve shrugs. The motion makes tiny droplets of water run down his bare shoulders and collarbones, bringing out his freckles and moles and tiny, glittering scales. Eddie wants to lick them. He has long stopped worrying about what that says about him.
“Sorry. She just wants you in the water with us. She likes it when the flock is together.”
His smile is apologetic, but his tail curls around Eddie’s legs in the water, fins wrapping around the two of them possessively.
Because, see, here's the thing. Over the past year, Eddie has not only discovered that his infuriatingly pretty fellow camp counselor is a mermaid and the guardian of an ancient lake creature. He has also somehow managed to score said mer-dude as a boyfriend and been adopted into the lake creature's flock.  
“She never does that shit with Buckley,” he grouses, even though Steve’s words make something flutter in his chest. Steve's touch, also - hands on his hips, fins on his ankles. “She's part of the flock, too, isn't she?” 
“Yeah…” Steve blushes, a delicious pink hue on wet, sun-tanned skin. Eddie wants to lick that, too. “But Robin isn't my…” 
He trails off into an unintelligible mumble after that. Eddie wrinkles his brow. 
“Your what? Come again, fish boy, I didn’t-” 
“My mate,” Steve blurts, and the fins on his hips flutter excitedly under Eddie’s fingers. “Robin isn’t my mate.” 
Eddie feels his mouth drop open. The water is unpleasantly cold against his flushed skin. 
“Wait,” he says when he finally remembers how to form words again. “Hold on a second. When did that happen?” 
Steve’s face is still scarlet, but his lips start twitching when he meets Eddie’s eyes. “That’s just the way she sees it. You can’t expect her to think in human standards. Now c’mon, we gotta get to dinner or the kids will wonder where-” 
“Oh, no!” Eddie interrupts him, mouth tugging into a stupid, wide grin of his own. “No, no, no, sweetheart. You don’t get to tell me that we’ve been mer-mated for God knows how long and never officially consummated that sacred connection. I’m gonna get a mer-divorce if you don’t-” 
“Oh God, shut up,” Steve groans, and kisses him. 
As he gets dragged off to their favorite little shore, well out of sight from the camp grounds, Eddie bids a brief mental farewell to the toolbox lying abandoned at the ground of the lake. He’ll have to make up some story about where it went when Dustin asks him, but that's a problem for later. 
For now, he’s got other things to think about. 
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More celebration ficlets
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[ Soothe ] for Elucien 🤍
Elain slumped onto her bed, exhausted. It had been a hard day's work of gardening. Her muscles were completely sore. With little else to do in the Night Court, gardening had practically become her daily job. Not like they'd allow her to do anything else. Her request to scry in place of her sister had been denied. They'd rather an emotionally unstable Nesta try than her. It showed what little they thought of her. Bleh.
Elain rubbed her eyes. She been planning on going straight to bed, but how was she going to sleep with all of these sore muscles? So, she made an impulsive decision.
She was exhausted, but she got out of bed and went towards the wraiths' rooms. She knocked on Nuala's door, and within a few moments, her and Cerridwen had appeared beside her like apparitions.
Other people might find them creepy, but they didn't bother Elain very much. She was a literal Seer; she was the weirdo to most people. "Take me to Lucien's house," she said quietly. The wraiths tilted their heads curiously at her. Elain was no fool; she knew the wraiths had been set on her to spy on her, but at least she could befriend them and somewhat gain the advantage. Perhaps in time, their loyalty would be to her and not Rhysand. That would be hilarious. "Are you going to interrogate me, or are you going to do as I say?" Elain asked, a little bite in her voice this time. At her sharp tone, the wraiths linked their arms with hers and the three of them disappeared into the shadows. It wasn't quite like winnowing; no, it was far more uncomfortable. Like melting into the shadows before coming to be again.
"Don't wait up for me," Elain called back at the wraiths, watching them disappear. She walked towards the door to Lucien's house. The whorls of wood on the front were elegant, and Elain could not help but admire the beauty that surrounded everything that had to do with this man. You would never catch him lacking in style.
It was so goddamn attractive.
Before she could knock on the door, Lucien opened it for her. "Elain," he murmured, and Elain squeezed her eyes shut for a moment to control her visceral reaction to the low timbre of his voice. "Lucien," she got out. God, her voice was so breathy; she was doing a terrible job at controlling her instincts. He moved aside so that she could walk in.
"Why are you here." Lucien's voice was careful, restrained. Elain didn't fail to notice his hands flexing back and forth, like he was resisting the urge to grab her and do unspeakable things to her.
Elain blushed. She bit her lip, and Lucien's eyes focused on it. "Couldn't sleep."
"So you decided to sleep walk and somehow wound up here?" he drawled sarcastically.
Elain's spine straightened at his tone. "No, I decided to come here."
"Why? You had no problem avoiding me like the plague for the past several months." He stalked away, and Elain stormed after him. "I just thought-"
"You thought wrong, Elain," Lucien replied.
Elain snorted. "Feyre was right. You are an asshole."
Lucien whipped his head around to her, and Elain stumbled back a step at the expression on his face. His eyes glowed a brilliant deep amber as fire entered his body. The room heated up more with every second. His hands were trembling, fists clenched so hard the skin was paling around his knuckles. "Did Feyre ever tell you what I did for her?" he whispered.
Elain blinked. "N-no I don't think so."
Lucien laughed mirthlessly. "Figures. She always had a bit of a victim complex. Impossible for her to admit she's wrong in any scenario." He took a step towards Elain, who took another step back. "Did you expect me to rejoice at the half-starved animal who had murdered my friend taking his place? Even if it was for the sake of breaking the curse? How would you have felt, if I had killed Feyre and I'd replaced her in your house? Not so nice, hmm?"
Elain opened her mouth, but no words came out. It was hard to think of words when Lucien focused all of his relentless attention on her. She tried again. "No. Not nice." Such a lame response, but she had nothing else to say. Lucien snorted. "Either way, I warmed up to her in spite of everything. She seemed alright...for a feral human, at least. And Tamlin loved her, so when she showed up Under the Mountain, I swore an oath to protect her for him."
Elain shook her head. Feyre had never told her any of this. Lucien continued. "But then, Amarantha dragged me in front of Rhysand and threatened to have me killed. Feyre offered up her name in exchange for my life. Despite me nearly getting her killed a couple of times before that. True, I saved her a lot more, but..." Elain rolled her eyes at his addition, and Lucien took another step forward, "from that point onward, I wasn't just protecting her for Tamlin or Prythian. I was doing it for her."
Elain took another step back. Lucien smirked at her retreat, continuing his story. "She was forced to face this gigantic creature called the Middengard Wyrm. I called out the direction it was coming from, thus saving her life and nearly damning my own. Amarantha ultimately spared my life on the condition that Tamlin whip me instead. Twenty times."
Elain gasped as Lucien began unbuttoning his shirt. "What are you doing?" Elain asked breathlessly, unable to stop watching as Lucien slid his shirt off, turning his back to Elain. There were long, jagged scars going all across Lucien's back. Elain stepped forward to look at them more closely when Lucien shrugged his shirt back on. "Am I still the asshole, Elain?" he asked darkly, then he walked away. Elain nearly screamed in frustration. The urge to touch him, beg him to stay, was uncontrollable. But her legs were screaming again, and she sighed as she settled on the plush carpet in Lucien's living room. Her muscles were burning with lactic acid.
"Elain?" Lucien was by her side in an instant, hand on her shoulder. "Are you ok?" His tone was a far cry from what it had been a few moments ago, purely gentleness and concern in it. He cursed under his breath. "I'm so sorry, Elain, I had no idea-"
Elain laid her hand over his. "It's nothing life-threatening, Lucien," she assured him. "My muscles are just really sore."
Lucien blushed. "Well...I could, you know...?"
"Could what?" Elain asked.
Lucien muttered, "Icouldmassageyouifthatsnottooinappropriate."
"What's that?" Elain yelled, pretending not to understand.
"Oh, I know you heard me, lady," Lucien replied, a bit of a flirtatious note in his voice now. Elain smirked. "You may massage me." She sat up, offering her back to him. He placed his warm hands on her shoulders and began to rub them in circles.
Holy Mother, he was good at this; Elain didn't know how she was going to get through this, especially when his hands moved down her arms, and he turned her around, taking one of her legs in his big palms. "May I?" he asked softly.
Elain barely managed to whisper, "Yes." His hands began working their magic on her upper legs, and she bit back her moan. She really shouldn't be as insanely turned on by this as she was. It was only made worse by the fact that Lucien's body was completely tense, his scent revealing that he was having just as much difficulty maintaining control as she was. When his thumbs dug into her inner thighs, she couldn't control her gasp.
Lucien immediately pulled away. "I'm sorry," he muttered, his cheeks scarlet. "I'll take my leave, my lady." He jumped up, hastily bowing, before he began to walk away. Bastard! He dare work her up this much and then just leave???? Hell no. Elain stomped up to him, shouting, "Lucien! You come back here this instant!" Lucien turned back to her, his russet eye wide, his metal one whirring like crazy. How was he just so effortlessly handsome? It drove Elain mad. So, she did the logical thing.
She stood on her tip-toes, grabbed Lucien by the collar, and slammed her lips to his.
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not-goldy · 2 days
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i would say im a jjk and all i have to say is that jungkook's tunnel vision, who it's directed at for a very long time, it's jimin and it's actually godamn hilarious to see a certain group of people run with such baseless narratives even now, a lot of them still haven't been able to acknowledge gcf in tokyo for what it is, take it at its face value as it pretty much just erases every fantasy they have of this ideal reality that they wish for certain members and it's been like what 7 years, 7 years of evading the obvious and on top of that they now have to deal with the companion enlistment, it's almost entertaining to see them scramble for a theory, another one of those wack theories they can latch onto for years in order for their fantasy to live on.....but it's such a shame when supposed solos of either jk/jm go to such insane lengths to pretend that those two don't like each other, it just shows that they truly don't know them beyond how they want to perceive them especially when they bring up certain past mistakes made by naive young people navigating a very unfamiliar environment, there's about 80% of their private personal experiences that we as fans aren't privy to, do these people honestly think jungkook and jimin haven't talked or discussed about their personal feelings in regards to how they feel towards the way they treat each other in any occasion or worked through their problems or established boundaries within their relationship, do these people think jungkook and jimin are still teens, that they haven't grown in the past years to known their own worth or do they just pretend not to see how deep jikook's bond has grown over the years, i'm a jungkook stan through and through and i've seen the shift in the way he shows his affection towards jimin, it's gotten much more mature and bolder and i don't have the right to define it further but such a thing doesn't happen just magically, you don't just choose to enlist with someone just because they asked you to, it involves two people, just like how a relationship involves two people and they've worked through it, communicated when needed to, grown, explored the depths of it in their own terms and which is why they've settled into a dynamic that is so profoundly visible and grounding to both of them, which is also why they are so in tune to each other's thought process and emotions, it happened over time, it's been over 10 years, 10 years, nobody can erase that and if someone willingly chooses to ignore it and bring up past mistakes/weave false narratives when they can't accept reality they'll just have live in denial for the rest of their lives
Now this right here
Yea. What JJK Anon said
Also being a JJK who understands and appreciates Jikook's bond is so shekshie. Marry me🤭🤭🤭
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Time to do another dramatic reading of our least favourite avatar.
Today, I will be subjecting myself and all of you to the vignette titled "space".
Unfortunately, it's not about the cool space. Which is a shame, because that would have less incest in it.
I wish I was joking.
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So we once again start off with a republic city tabloid making the Avatar upset.
That is twice that this framing device has been used, and while this vignette came first, I think Lily needs to come up with a better opener. We can only have Niva read so many tabloids, and getting upset by it, as a framing device so many times before I start to question why Niva keeps reading them.
And because the author has a barely disguised fetish, we get to jump right into the incest using the tabloids as an excuse:
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WHO TALKS LIKE THAT TO THEIR SISTER????
If people are reading your behaviour as romantic, to the point that it's getting printed into tabloids, it really makes me question just what you were doing to give off that impression. (We get a good idea of this pretty fast in this vignette.)
If I didn't know they were sisters, I would think they are dating.
Because this is a couple spat.
As for the claim that people can't comprehend sincere devotion without sex, well, if the Avatar and her sister are always touching each other in public in the ways that lovers do, then it isn't the public who is misreading the situation.
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Again, this isn't how SIBLING'S talk.
This is how romantic partners speak to each other.
If I can pull this lines out, and show them to a total normie, and they would think this is a couple, then you have written a romance, not a sisterly bond.
And I'm sorry, but if someone is always having their arms wrapped around each other in rather intimate ways, and talking about how devoted they are to said person, then people are going to make assumptions. It's not them misunderstanding what they're seeing or reading too much into it. It's them seeing how too people are acting, and making a conclusion.
Alright, moving on.
Here's a red flag for any relationship:
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Our supposedly confident, self actualized Avatar needs an excuse to assert her boundaries.
So either the Avatar isn't actually a confident, self actualized badass like Lily claims, or, her sister has reacted negatively to demands for space in the past, making the avatar nervous about asking for said space without an excuse.
Either way, this is yikes behaviour, and something any other author would explore, but we all know Lily won't explore it.
We then get a little bit about how Niva hate's Republic City because it makes her feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, which if Niva is meant to be on the spectrum, is a nice bit of character building.
We then get them bashing the food in Republic City because it's "corporate" and then Lavi tells her to "just be honest about her need for space", they hug, and we end on this groaner:
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Probably the most normal part of this relationship, and guess what?
It sucks.
I think it's the last two lines. They just scream "I need a witty closer".
And that was Space.
I think I need Space from it. 🤣😭
This was another episode in our growing series called "the author's barely disguised fetish". And while I'm certain Lily gets a lot of enjoyment out of subjecting people to it without their knowledge or consent, I do not.
And I went into this knowing exactly what it was going to contain.
To summarize my thoughts on this literal nothingburger of a story...
I don't have any.
Despite being gross because of the incest, it really doesn't actually tell you much about the characters outside Niva feeling like she can't even ask for space from her sister, which would be fine... if Niva wasn't supposed to be a self-confident badass. So now it just reads as problematic, but we all know this will never be addressed.
Honestly, the incest is the only thing that either of those characters have going for them, and that's both parts gross, tragic and hilarious.
Now get out of my house.
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Yes I view WxS as the worst music wise because of the issues in their mixing half the time yes I also think they should do more songs where RuiKasa get side lined just to piss off that specific type of person in the comments of every cover who complains that Tsukasa does not get every other line.
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dietitian warned me the other day i may need to go inpatient if this keeps getting worse and it hasn't left my mind ever since. partly because i don't see the reason. i am literally gaining weight. and also because a non-zero part of me wants to go back inpatient and i don't know why
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kyouka-supremacy · 1 year
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DON'T MANIFEST AKUTAGAWA'S FEELINGS BEING UNREQUITED WAGEHGAHTJSHHAJ
But does it count as manifesting if I'm just stating facts 🤔😔😔
#sskk#people asks me stuff#Jk. Or maybe not.#Idk I used to have a HUGE sskk-is-unrequited-love phase around June–#and in a way I still think as far as the manga events go Atsushi didn't feel anything but loathing for Akutagawa up to at least chapter 87#(While Akutagawa stopped hating Atsushi on the Moby Dick fight. C'mon guys. I've seen some.........#Questionable takes over who fell first in sskk recently. Do you really believe that Atsushi said to Akutagawa's face the words#“I think Dazai-san has recognized of you a long time ago” and Akutagawa didn't fall for him right there right now.)#But like... Okay I don't want to make this too big because there's so much to unwrap here and it wouldn't fit in the tags but#For how I see it. it's totally believable to read the manga thinking Akutagawa is in love with Atsushi. like seriously it's just there.#“As long as I can't deny your very being I'll never be able to move forward” “You know the reason yourself don't you”#“Is his life that precious to you” “From the beginning the hole was only for his ally to flee through”#I'm not making this stuff up I'm literally just reading the text#While Atsushi is just there being objectively the WORSE he's ever been with everyone @Akutagawa which is undeniably hilarious on one hand–#and tragically sad on the other. He really DOES NOT care about Akutagawa? He barely ever showed compassion towards him#Which tbh!! It's a lot and it... Doesn't particularly bother me‚ because even if negatively it does show Akutagawa is someone who's–#special for Atsushi#he's like no one else for him#and that's so juicy!!!#It's delicious to explore this hidden aspect of Atsushi's character through the effect Akutagawa has on him#And even though I believe Atsushi didn't love Akutagawa for the most time... There's still plenty of room for things to change.#We still have to see how he'll react to meeting him again. It's possible that Akutagawa's last deed might have changed the judgement–#Atsushi has on him‚ and I can't wait to find out! If anything‚ Akutagawa appeared in Atsushi's mind which is... Something
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angelicfruitcake · 8 months
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since i came so late to the party (around 30-40 years for most of them) i wonder which of my favorite bands have ever come to mexico
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leatherbookmark · 5 months
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there was a post on i don't remember where at this point rddt about idols doing grossdisgusting things and it was all shit like "there was footage of X scratching his ass!", or "sooo many times X took a bite/sip of something and then Y drank/ate the rest", or "X's dog licked her mouth/licked into her mouth!", or such stuff, with everyone doing their best to convey just how disgusted they were, full on gagging and heaving, not to mention the charming "it just proves that even your faves are still men, and men will do the most disgusting shit without batting an eye, women aren't like that", and it's like oh boy, i've got bad news to you about the human condition
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aberooski · 1 year
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Okay I have enough fics and shit to write right now as it is, I currently have 4 in the works 🙃, but last night while I was trying to sleep I had a thought. I think I came up with a very baseline very bare bones idea for a possible OUAD 2.
A possible title for which I came up with was Once Upon A Kingdom OUAK if you will. And literally as I typed this out, Once Upon A Winter OUAW akskskskk and it would take place months after the events of OUAD, Chazz and Atticus are officially a couple now, and Atty takes him on a trip to see the Northern Kingdom or the Crystal Kingdom if ur in with the OUAD deep lore 👀 where he and Lexi are from and with Jay, Sy, and Hassleberry in tow, winter wonderland hijinks and capers ensue 👀
Now I have no idea what the actual greater plot would be but I really like the idea of visiting another kingdom since in the 'deep lore' there are 5 kingdoms that exist in the world, but since the Kingdom of the East was canonically destroyed by Slade and Jagger before the events of OUAD, there's still 3 other kingdoms outside the Golden Kingdom. The northern, western, and southern kingdoms if you will. The Golden Kingdom is the central kingdom. So we get to see more of the world, and open the door for more of the ensemble cast to get involved, I fully intend to include Jesse and Bastion at the very minimum if I wrote this I fully imagined a whole conversation with Jaden and Jesse last night, immortal magical fairy Jay gets to flirt with the cute human boy 👀 so I have thoughts happening ☺
Like I said I have no idea what an actual greater plot would look like yet and I have way too much to work on right now to put too much thought into it right now, but I promise babes. OUAD 2 may be on the back burner right now, but it is also very firmly on the table 😉
#why must all my best ideas come when I'm about to fall asleep like you couldn’t have given me more than that brain???#no but fr I have so much to work on but I'm actively in the early staged of planning here#obviously Crowler will be in there somewhere too I'm not about to exclude my favorite dad 😤 but i dunno what's going on in it at all yet#maybe we'll even see more fairy society shit too cuz I love thinkin about it and I mean Hassleberry did kill Jagger with mega ancient magic#that he's supposed to be too weak magically to be able to do and the other fairies are canonically kinda mean to him for that#and because of his whole animal side thing that he was just born with in OUAD which yknow isn't normal even for magical beings#so when they find out he did that I mean that's gonna shake things up in their society man#plus I did establish that Zane canonically exists in OUAD because he's briefly mentioned in chapter 11#and K think it's fucking hilarious that he of all people is a fairy 😂 but Sy is so he kinda has to be lol#I already have so many thoughts but they're incoherent and make no sense still so we'll see what happens when things start coming together#but that'll be a while still. I probably won't really mess with it at least until after Chazzerella#because that one honestly shouldn't be all that long once I get started actually writing it. not a lot happens in that movie akskks#but for now I'll leave y'all with this mess I guess akskks whoops 😅#abby's just rambling don't mind her#abby fully admits she's an idiot#Once Upon A Duelist#yugioh gx#yugioh gx fanfiction#chazz princeton#atticus rhodes#stormshipping#syrus truesdale#jaden yuki#tyranno hassleberry#alexis rhodes
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joycrispy · 8 months
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Awhile ago @ouidamforeman made this post:
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This shot through my brain like a chain of firecrackers, so, without derailing the original post, I have some THOUGHTS to add about why this concept is not only hilarious (because it is), but also...
It. It kind of fucks. Severely.
And in a delightfully Pratchett-y way, I'd dare to suggest.
I'll explain:
As inferred above, both Crowley AND Aziraphale have canonical Biblical counterparts. Not by name, no, but by function.
Crowley, of course, is the serpent of Eden.
(note on the serpent of Eden: In Genesis 3:1-15, at least, the serpent is not identified as anything other than a serpent, albeit one that can talk. Later, it will be variously interpreted as a traitorous agent of Hell, as a demon, as a guise of Satan himself, etc. In Good Omens --as a slinky ginger who walks funny)
Lesser known, at least so far as I can tell, is the flaming sword. It, too, appears in Genesis 3, in the very last line:
"So he drove out the man; and placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life." --Genesis 3:24, KJV
Thanks to translation ambiguity, there is some debate concerning the nature of the flaming sword --is it a divine weapon given unto one of the Cherubim (if so, why only one)? Or is it an independent entity, which takes the form of a sword (as other angelic beings take the form of wheels and such)? For our purposes, I don't think the distinction matters. The guard at the gate of Eden, whether an angel wielding the sword or an angel who IS the sword, is Aziraphale.
(note on the flaming sword: in some traditions --Eastern Orthodox, for example-- it is held that upon Christ's death and resurrection, the flaming sword gave up it's post and vanished from Eden for good. By these sensibilities, the removal of the sword signifies the redemption and salvation of man.
...Put a pin in that. We're coming back to it.)
So, we have our pair. The Serpent and the Sword, introduced at the beginning and the end (ha) of the very same chapter of Genesis.
But here's the important bit, the bit that's not immediately obvious, the bit that nonetheless encapsulates one of the central themes, if not THE central theme, of Good Omens:
The Sword was never intended to guard Eden while Adam and Eve were still in it.
Do you understand?
The Sword's function was never to protect them. It doesn't even appear until after they've already fallen. No... it was to usher Adam and Eve from the garden, and then keep them out. It was a threat. It was a punishment.
The flaming sword was given to be used against them.
So. Again. We have our pair. The Serpent and the Sword: the inception and the consequence of original sin, personified. They are the one-two punch that launches mankind from paradise, after Hell lures it to destruction and Heaven condemns it for being destroyed. Which is to say that despite being, supposedly, hereditary enemies on two different sides of a celestial cold war, they are actually unified by one purpose, one pivotal role to play in the Divine Plan: completely fucking humanity over.
That's how it's supposed to go. It is written.
...But, in Good Omens, they're not just the Serpent and the Sword.
They're Crowley and Aziraphale.
(author begins to go insane from emotion under the cut)
In Good Omens, humanity is handed it's salvation (pin!) scarcely half an hour after losing it. Instead of looming over God's empty garden, the sword protects a very sad, very scared and very pregnant girl. And no, not because a blameless martyr suffered and died for the privilege, either.
It was just that she'd had such a bad day. And there were vicious animals out there. And Aziraphale worried she would be cold.
...I need to impress upon you how much this is NOT just a matter of being careless with company property. With this one act of kindness, Aziraphale is undermining the whole entire POINT of the expulsion from Eden. God Herself confronts him about it, and he lies. To God.
And the Serpent--
(Crowley, that is, who wonders what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil anyway; who thinks that maybe he did a GOOD thing when he tempted Eve with the apple; who objects that God is over-reacting to a first offense; who knows what it is to fall but not what it is to be comforted after the fact...)
--just goes ahead and falls in love with him about it.
As for Crowley --I barely need to explain him, right? People have been making the 'didn't the serpent actually do us a solid?' argument for centuries. But if I'm going to quote one of them, it may as well be the one Neil Gaiman wrote ficlet about:
"If the account given in Genesis is really true, ought we not, after all, to thank this serpent? He was the first schoolmaster, the first advocate of learning, the first enemy of ignorance, the first to whisper in human ears the sacred word liberty, the creator of ambition, the author of modesty, of inquiry, of doubt, of investigation, of progress and of civilization." --Robert G. Ingersoll
The first to ask questions.
Even beyond flattering literary interpretation, we know that Crowley is, so often, discreetly running damage control on the machinations of Heaven and Hell. When he can get away with it. Occasionally, when he can't (1827).
And Aziraphale loves him for it, too. Loves him back.
And so this romance plays out over millennia, where they fall in love with each other but also the world, because of each other and because of the world. But it begins in Eden. Where, instead of acting as the first Earthly example of Divine/Diabolical collusion and callousness--
(other examples --the flood; the bet with Satan; the back channels; the exchange of Holy Water and Hellfire; and on and on...)
--they refuse. Without even necessarily knowing they're doing it, they just refuse. Refuse to trivialize human life, and refuse to hate each other.
To write a story about the Serpent and the Sword falling in love is to write a story about transgression.
Not just in the sense that they are a demon and an angel, and it's ~forbidden. That's part of it, yeah, but the greater part of it is that they are THIS demon and angel, in particular. From The Real Bible's Book of Genesis, in the chapter where man falls.
It's the sort of thing you write and laugh. And then you look at it. And you think. And then you frown, and you sit up a little straighter. And you think.
And then you keep writing.
And what emerges hits you like a goddamn truck.
(...A lot of Pratchett reads that way. I believe Gaiman when he says Pratchett would have been happy with the romance, by the way. I really really do).
It's a story about transgression, about love as transgression. They break the rules by loving each other, by loving creation, and by rejecting the hatred and hypocrisy that would have triangulated them as a unified blow against humanity, before humanity had even really got started. And yeah, hell, it's a queer romance too, just to really drive the point home (oh, that!!! THAT!!!)
...I could spend a long time wildly gesturing at this and never be satisfied. Instead of watching me do that (I'll spare you), please look at this gif:
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I love this shot so much.
Look at Eve and Crowley moving, at the same time in the same direction, towards their respective wielders of the flaming sword. Adam reaches out and takes her hand; Aziraphale reaches out and covers him with a wing.
You know what a shot like that establishes? Likeness. Commonality. Kinship.
"Our side" was never just Crowley and Aziraphale. Crowley says as much at the end of season 1 ("--all of us against all of them."). From the beginning, "our side" was Crowley, Aziraphale, and every single human being. Lately that's around 8 billion, but once upon a time it was just two other people. Another couple. The primeval mother and father.
But Adam and Eve die, eventually. Humanity grows without them. It's Crowley and Aziraphale who remain, and who protect it. Who...oversee it's upbringing.
Godfathers. Sort of.
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whateveriwant · 5 months
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Task force 141 reacting to their very pregnant wife still trying to clean, cook etc
This turned more into ‘Task force 141 preventing their very pregnant wife from trying to clean, cook, etc’ lmaooooo I hope that's alright
Price
HA! Good one!
No seriously, it's actually hilarious that you think you'd do anything for yourself when your hubby's around
That man has been waiting on you hand and foot since you first got together. So now that you're pregnant and you think he'd let you so much as lift a finger? You must have a serious case of pregnancy brain, sweetheart
Price is doing all the cooking, the cleaning, the running errands, etc. throughout the entirety of your pregnancy (and at least the first several months postpartum)
He's kept you practically bed bound these last few months to the point where you think there's a perfect indent of your body molded into the mattress
Seven months in, he's suddenly called away to a quick mission halfway across the globe, and you think finally you'll get some of your autonomy back...
Well, think again because who should show up at your door the next morning than your mother-in-law herself, ready to pick up where her son left off
She came at the behest of your husband, of course, and was armed with a detailed set of care instructions
What does your husband think you are? Some sort of one-of-a-kind, priceless artifact that needs special handling? (Actually that's exactly what you are. Price-less… I'll see myself out 🚶🏻‍♀️)
Ghost
When it comes to having some semblance of independence during your pregnancy, Ghost will give you a bit of a longer leash than Price, but only just so
You’re going for a walk around the neighborhood? Hold on, let him grab his coat to join you. Or you're going into the backyard to tend the garden? He'll pull the weeds while you water the plants
But when it comes to letting you do certain things, there are some hard nos that he will absolutely not budge on
You try to use a stepladder to reach the top of the cupboard? Stop! You'll break your neck! You try to pick up anything heavier than 10 pounds? Stop! Give it here! You try to drive?... Don't even fuckin' think about it, precious.
The farther along your pregnancy progresses, the better he gets at predicting (and intercepting) your next move
You were gonna do laundry today? Well, wouldn't you know, he's already got a load going in the washer. You were about to make dinner? Well shucks, he just ordered takeaway from that Greek place you love
His ability to read your mind is honestly impressive once you get past how damn annoying you find it. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you're incapable of fending for yourself, and you're tired of him acting as if otherwise
But really, you can never get mad at anything he does for you. After all, what kind of a husband would he be if he didn't take care of his missus and your little one?
Soap
If you take Ghost’s cautiousness, mix it with Price’s thoroughness, and crank it up to an 11, you get Soap
From the moment he found out you were pregnant, he put your house into full lockdown mode, stopping just short of booby trapping the front door in case you got any funny ideas
You want some fresh air? Just open a window. You want to go for a walk and stretch your legs? Just take a few turns about the living room like you're some Austenian heroine
Don't let him catch you doing any kind of physical labor, because so help him Jesus he will grab a spray bottle and use it like you're a feral alleycat he's trying to house-train (he wouldn't really... but don't test him)
You try to unload the dishwasher? Ehrr! Wrong move. You try to remake the bed? Ehrr! Nice try. You try to mop up your own mess. Ehrr! Enough already. You try to– OCH, WOULD YE BLOODY SIT DOWN, WOMAN?!
For nine long months during his requested leave from work, your husband is attached to you like some kind of loving, smothering barnacle
But doesn't he miss his job, or the lads for that matter? What if the world needs saving? What will they do without him?
Well, (in his exact words) fuck the rest of the world! You're his world, bonnie, and he'll give you everything you could ever wish for and then some
Gaz
By far, you have the most independence with Gaz than you would with any of the other three men… at least, at the beginning of your pregnancy, that is
Once you get to around five or six months he becomes just as helicopter-y as all the others; he's just ever so slightly more bearable, perhaps
There's lots of peeking his head around the corner to check on you throughout the day or appearing seemingly out of thin air whenever you're doing something he'd rather you wouldn't
You've lost count of the number of times you've been in the middle of cooking or hanging up the laundry or whatever and his hand has suddenly appeared out of nowhere, gently taking the object from you before directing you to sit and rest
And like, look. He knows you can handle yourself. He knows you could conquer the whole world if you wanted to. That's one of the things he loves about you the most
But seeing you like this – so fragile, so vulnerable, so beautiful and soft and pregnant with his child; his child – it just… It makes him…
He just needs to do these things for you, alright, love? Just let him take care of you, please? Would you let him do that?
You already have so much you have to carry. Let him ease some of the burden off your shoulders. Let him do these small things for you because they don't even compare to all that you're doing for him 🥲
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count-doodoo · 9 months
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sometimes "go touch grass" is a stupid comeback and sometimes i really do need to go touch grass because like. i'll see someone reblog an anidala gifset and i'll be like hmm, i didn't take you for that kind of person (not necessarily in a bad way) and then i'll remember five hours later that there is a great deal of diversity in the anidala fandom -- it's literally a canon ship -- and the reblogging of an anidala gifset doesn't mean that they condone darth vader's asshattery/stupidity/what-the-fuck-even behaviour nor that they think mace windu was evil or--
and then five hours after that i'll remember that actually, hey, it's not like i'm anti-anidala. i don't think i've reblogged any anidala gifsets, and yeah i think anakin and padme were both pretty damn messy, but i would totally reblog a good gifset if i came across it (but i don't actually really follow star wars tags, so). and plus! anidala scenes are iconic. the "you're joking right" meme. "i like sand". they're just. i don't have words.
so why wouldn't someone who has never expressed hatred for anidala reblog an anidala gifset?
(sometimes i look at my own blogs and am like "huh i wouldn't have expected that out of you" and then am like. "you already DID that. why the fuck are you SHOCKED.")
so anyways yeah i should probably smash my face into the dirt, brb.
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forgwater · 2 months
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"Ah, yes. Me, my beloved Prefect and my lookalike tsum from another dimension."
Twst Boys and their reactions to you cuddling their tsum instead of them Headcanons
part 1 part 2 part 3
Riddle Rosehearts
He's baffled.
There has to be a rule about this somewhere!
Yes. The Headmage said he must look after the tsum until it can get back to where it came from and he will, but this is too much.
Does this creature have no manners?!
It must know the two of you are dating. It might even have its own version of you waiting for him to return!
And yet.
Here it is, hogging all your attention as you hold it close to yourself.
You're not even facing him!
And no. He is not crossing his arms and pouting.
Cater Diamond
He thought the tsum was pretty nice at first.
He's been forced to reconsider.
Cater would love to take a picture of you with his tsum. For his eyes only so don't you worry~
You must look so cute snuggled with the plush!
And it looks like him!
It really would be adorable!
If only you weren't facing away from him, your face presumably buried in the soft tummy of his lookalike.
.......
This is not fair. You should be cuddling him! He's your boyfriend! Not that overgrown bean.
He secretly hopes the tsum falls off the bed in the middle of the night.
Leona Kingscholar
What do you mean you prefer that stupid plush??? He's right here!
Very much not happy. No matter how cute you look with his tsum in your arms.
He tries to pull the tsum out of your arms.
Tsum Leona is not letting go.
They lock eyes.
You're pretty sure they're glaring at each other.
.....
Fine. He'll let the tsum have this. He's not gonna risk an accident just because that bean is unwilling to let you go.
You're gonna have his tail on you tho.
Jack Howl
Why are you hugging his tsum like that?
Why is his tsum looking like a puppy getting affection?
He's getting second hand embarrassment.
It's not because he would like to be held like that by you. It's because....
Uh. Because...
I mean! He's a wolf! His tsum is a wolf! It should be a little more... dignified.
He's not needy like that!
And he didn't agree to this. The tsum has not business being in his space like this. Cuddling with his s/o....
He keeps looking over to you and his tsum. He's snatching that bean out of your arms at first light. They're gonna go for a run.
Floyd Leech
So this could go one of two ways:
Either he's annoyed and tries to snatch the offending plush from you, which will end up in a fight between the two.
Or
He thinks it's hilarious and that you look cute like that.
He still wants his cuddles tho.
What's Floyd to do in this situation?
He just plops himself over you and the tsum. He's letting all of his weight crush you.
Lucky(?) for you it's only his torso crushing you.
Good luck.
Epel Felmier
He's finally allowed to have a sleepover and this happens!
You've got to be kidding him.
Please tell him this is a joke. He's glaring daggers at the tsum.
I mean.... He's a strong and independent man! He doesn't need those cuddles.
Yes. Yes he does.
He's fine!
He keeps glaring at the happy tsum in your arms.
It's mocking him.
There's no way it's not.
He tries to snatch it out of your arms, but makes the mistake of going for the head.
He gets bitten by his tsum.
Sebek Zigvolt
First Malleus-sama, now this!
This creature must be taught respect!
HOW DARE IT JUMP INTO YOUR ARMS SO SHAMELESSLY!!!!
WHO DOES IT THINK IT IS?!
A KNIGHT TO MALLEUS SHOULD NOT BEHAVE THIS WAY!
UNBELIEVABLE!
Sebek gets into a one-sided screaming match with his tsum.
By the end of it he's almost in tears. How dare this glorified plush bean steal your affections away from him!
Tsum Sebek ignores all of this. It is far too preoccupied with enjoying your pets and hugs.
You attempt to console Sebek by promising it's only for tonight.
He does not look consoled.
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evilminji · 7 months
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Actually? You know what would be darkly hilarious?
If, when the GIW can't get ghosts declared both malicious AND non-sapient/sentient? They push for "dumb animals" instead.
Which is accepted. Ghosts are animals. Checks out, says scientists everywhere.
HOW "dumb"?
What? Says the GIW, mid-victory high fives. They did not expect a follow up question. They SHOULD have, as this is the SCIENTIFIC community and that is literally their job, but here we are.
How. "Dumb"? The scientists repeate slower. What methodology did you use? What is your sample size? Are their different sub-species? Is this dimension like ours? Is Ghost the equivalent to Mammal? It says here their are humanoid ones.
What IQ are we talking about here and HOW DID YOU TEST??
A goldfish, parrot, and dolphin are all animals. WILDLY different levels of intelligence. You can't treat them the same. Technically speaking, WE are animals.
The GIW does not like where this conversation is going. Tries to shut it down.
.......well NOW the scientists are both offended AND invested. How DARE you try to push faulty science and hide the Truth from them! They're gonna do their OWN studies! *picks up the phone and dials that one embarrassing spiritualist friend they had in college* Hey! You still think you can summon ghosts? I'll pay you to try it for Science!
And like? As a Ghost? It's degrading as hell. But ALSO these fuckos just Whoopsie'd you into having both protections under the law, since animal abuse IS illegal, AND just put the ENTIRE planets scientific community on their asses.... by accident.
So you take a deeeeeeep breath you don't even need. Remember you're doing this for the little ghost babies and fluffy ghost animals. And show up at a research facility like "yes, hello, I am Ghost. Here for you to poke and prod at. Please ask me to name the object on the flash card or whatever IQ tests do these days."
Should you HAVE to prove your own fucking sentience? No. But? You do it. You're even polite about it. Ask for a copy of the study they plan to publish so you can BEAT some mother fuckers with it. The scientists nod in understanding and use the BIG font for your copy so it'll hurt more.
They've been there.
And just? Shitty people getting what they wanted only to have it blow up in their faces?? I see all these angst "but what if they were declared ANIMALS" prompts and I just?? Are we talking PARROT or goldfish!? One has the average intelligence of about a human 4yr old and the other is a FISH! People get RIGHTFULLY furious when you treat INTELLIGENT animals badly.
And would, in fact, adapt pretty easy to discovering one of said animal has become HUMAN lvl intelligent. It's easy to grasp the idea of human intelligence lvl dolphin or monkeys. Maybe there was some mutated strain, maybe in uetro tampering. Who knows. But if I tried to sell you a human intelligent housefly? Gold fish? Lizard?
You wouldn't believe me. There is some kind of trick at play.
So if GHOSTS are seen as animals? Everyone nods and then later? Someone comes in TV and very excitedly informs you "we found INTELLIGENT LIFE amongst the ghosts!" You'd believe it. Probably be really excited by your conversation starter for the day. Get a taco and move on with your life.
But? Having to willing sit for a barrage of testing? Is going to suuuuuuck so bad. Poor Danny. SATs all over again. For HOURS. At multiple facilities, just to be CERTAIN it's not a one off. All because he not certain he can insure good behavior from other ghosts and This Is IMPORTANT. He ALSO can't be certain it's even SAFE.
Might be a trap.
But if he has to do it again and again and again? Mexico to Bavaria to China to the Maldives? If this is what it takes for the scientific community to bitchslap the GIW into ORBIT before the UN? Hand him that pencil.
He has no where more important to be.
@hdgnj @nerdpoe @mutable-manifestation @ailithnight @the-witchhunter
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