#i finally decided to share one of my little video creations

[happy-emmdings]

I made a thingy…🎶

Shrike/ Hozier • Captain Swan

#captain swan #ouat edit #cs edit #killian jones #emma swan #once upon a time #i finally decided to share one of my little video creations #nya edits #that’s a tag now yay

[theresattrpgforthat]

Games for one? Most of my experience is with dnd 5e but getting groups together is always a pain.

THEME: Solo Games

Hello friend! I see you've given me plenty of license to go wild with the recommendations, so I hope you like a nice little selection of different genres!!!!

Space Jellyfish Overhead, by Spring Villager.

This is an ancient place, known only as Land. The people of Land seek to live in harmony with the sea and the sky. Once a generation, a bloom of giant jellyfish fills the skies above. The Visitors descend, stay a few days, and then leave for many years. Nobody knows why they come or where they go, but the Elders teach that they are messengers from the stars.

A select few possess an innate ability to communicate with the jellyfish. Known as Jelly Watchers, these individuals journey through wild places in search of signs heralding the Visitors’ impending arrival. They listen to the jellyfish songs, learn their secrets, and share their wisdom with the people of Land.

Players journey through wild areas, seeking signs of the Visitors' arrival. The game blends introspective journaling with deep time. Players uncover lost truths, assess threats and chart a path forward for their community—all influenced by the strange space jellyfish above.

I love the premise of this game. It’s 2 pages long: rthe first page gives you play instructions and some basic setup, while the second page is an oracle that you can use by drawing cards from a playing card deck. The game occurs over four acts: Searching, Arrival, Jelly Days and Departure. You roll dice until your character finds Jellysign; then you determine what the Jellyfish looks like. Jelly Days uses the oracles on the second page to determine truths, threats and tasks conveyed through messages; you then take time to decide how your visions convey these messages. The final stage details your departure from the meeting withe the Jellyfish, as you decide how your messages are received.

Overall, if you love eerie settings and deciphering prompts in the process of creation, you’ll like this game.

Gunslinger, by KLN Games.

You’ve arrived on a strange swamp planet. A powerful curse threatens the land, and you are the only hope to stop it. 

Gunslinger is a scifi-fantasy journaling TTRPG with Flintlock pistol combat. Can be finished in 2 to 3 hours. You play as a Gunslinger, a sort of freelance hunter who has been recruited to help bring an end to the decaying state of the world.

This is another game that feels more akin to a dungeon delve than an interpretive experience. You will build a character with stats and attacks, and you are given a swamp map to explore with various locations and NPCs that may help you or give you quests. The brochure itself has a very definitive style that I really like: it’s simple, but communicates the feeling of the setting.

Escape from Charybdis Station, by Kaid Brenen Sacander.

You are a Myrmidon, an elite servant of the queen of the Attala Star Empire. You stole the secret weakness of the enemy’s star-eating superweapon, and must return it home for any chance to save your people.

While fleeing your pursuers, you were caught in the FTL-disabling zone of Charybdis Station, a massive, ancient Precursor relic that has ensnared generations of careless star travelers in its net.

If there is any hope to save your home, your people, your queen, you must traverse the myriad depths of the station, battle or avoid the perilous Custodians, locate and disable the FTL dampeners, and Escape from Charybdis Station!

This is a solo game using the Firelights SRD, which is a system inspired by metroidvania video games. The game itself fits on a double-sided brochure, but it fits a lot on there. You have three approaches and a fatigue meter. As you move throughout the world, you pull from a deck of cards to determine where you are, and use them to build a map that your character will be able to explore. You also have a task that you need to fulfill: in this case, Disabling the FTL Dampeners. You will roll for events, but also to determine whether your character succeeds or fails at certain tasks. If you like a game that is less procedural and more suited for dungeon delving, this is the game for you.

The Familiar’s Rebellion, by ToriBee.

In The Familiar's Rebellion, you play the role of a magical creature bound in service to a formidable witch. Aided by a deck of tarot cards and a Jenga tower, your destiny is literally in your hands. The Major Arcana cards shape your tasks, handed down by your master, while the Minor Arcana cards weave intricate tales of your everyday life and relationships with other magical beings.

The suits of the Minor Arcana - Wands, Cups, Swords, and Pentacles - guide your actions and choices. Navigate the demands of your servitude (Wands), manage the ebb and flow of your emotions (Cups), carefully plot your rebellion (Swords), and handle the inevitable consequences of your actions (Pentacles). Each decision you make influences the game world and determines your path towards freedom.

But the stakes are high. Pull a block from the Jenga tower each time you face a consequence and should the tower fall, your rebellion has been discovered. It's a delicate dance between obedience and defiance, comfort and risk, servitude and freedom. As a Moth, a Raven, or another mystical creature, will you gather your strength, outwit your captor, and finally taste the sweet air of liberation? Dive into this solo RPG and create your own tale of magic, cunning, and freedom.

This game might require you to acquire a tarot deck (and a Jenga tower) if you don’t currently own one, but I appreciate the way the Jenga tower can keep you in suspense. The game also looks really pretty.

In Service of the Fey, by Christina Evans.

You are in the service of the Fey. You have survived until now. You have four seasons left in their service before you will be released.

This is your story of your last year in Faerie.

In Service of the Fey is a deck and dice based storytelling game for solo play. Using a standard deck of cards and single six-sided dice, you tell the story of your year in service to the Fey and the Fey who change you for better or worse.

A short journaling game, this is a great setting for fans of high fantasy. Your character will navigate four seasons in the service of the Fae, after which they will return home. This is a pretty short game, so it’s great for folks who just want a chance to experience something interpretive to see how they feel about it.

The Hands of Gods, by KMST.

Mechs are a common sight in many stories, but where do they come from? This solo journaling game has you chronicle the lives and work of those who are responsible for making the massively complex mechs that we take for granted. To play, all you will need is a regular deck of 52 playing cards, and a way to chronicle your story.

The game consists of three phases. In Setup, you decide on the background, context, and theme of the mech and your character, as well as your playstyle. In Construction, you draw from the deck to determine what events happen as you make progress on the mech, and in Journey, you take a wider view and see how your mech fares as it goes off to battle, and what becomes of it.

Created for the MechJam of 2023, this is pretty substantial for a solo game - 18 pages long! I especially appreciate the worldbuilding tool that helps you set up exactly what kind of setting this mech game takes place in. It doesn’t assume that you want a space game - you can play fantasy, post-apocalypse, whatever your heart desires. This game is more guided than other interpretive games, asking you plenty of questions about your character’s beliefs and workplace before giving you various oracles to fuel your journal entries.

Previous Solo Game Recommendations

Free First-Time Solo Games

Crafting and Exploration Solo Games

Short, Daily Solo Games

Character-Focused, Lighthearted Solo Games

First Time Solo Games

Lighthearted Solo Games

Wizard Solo Games

Solo, But Not Alone

#tabletop games #indie ttrpgs #dnd #game recommendations #asks #solo games

[yanchive]

I got permission to expand on this idea, so I'm gunna share my thoughts and what I came up with regarding this cool idea. I got the concept of this from the OP of the previous post, @coveredinsoot , so credits goes to them. I used he/him for the Yan, and they/them for the Darling so all readers can enjoy. I haven't written something like this in ages. Forgive me.

TW: Yandere themes(obv), mentions of drug use(non consentual), minor mentions of sexual themes, not proofread very well I wrote this first thing in the morning. I hadn't even gotten out of bed lmao

-A recap of my tags in the previous post, my idea followed the premise of a yan whose darling is an employee working under the record label/idol agency(whichever one you prefer) he is signed onto. They could have a position working somewhat in the same sphere as their Yan. My first thought was maybe a touring staff, but I felt specifically that they could be a photographer who was hired solely to work under Yans label.

-They do the shooting for promos, they participate in the creation of music videos, go on tours to get photos at concerts, etc. They work alongside Yan, but rarely interact outside of the professional setting. Darling has a job they have to do, and getting personal with the artist they're assigned to work under is a risky thing, so they choose to keep their casual interactions to a minimal to avoid scandals.

-While Darling is putting their attention all into their career, Yan is forced to get his unrequited feelings out via music. Filling notebooks after notebooks with sickingly sweet words, turning them into lyrics that get pumped out to fans, who all imagine themselves as the reciever of such romantic tales of woe.

-Yan constantly sneaks details about his Darling into his music, from mentioning small physical traits on their body like the color of their hair and eyes, to maybe even scars and birthmarks no one would or should know unless they've seen them partially or fully naked. They would constantly bring up traits revolving around the Darlings personality most of the time, but no matter how many details they place in their songs, it just seems to go over Darlings head

-Yan constantly asks Darling what their thoughts are on his new music, hoping to one day see their eyes light up and realize they were the center of all his music and finally return his feelings, but Darling only ever gives vague compliments to him, telling him his music is great but really never delves to deep into the lyrics or sound.

-Yan finally comes to terms, after watching over his Darling for months, maybe even years, the Darling just never gives his music an actual proper chance, and that's why they never pick up on all the lyrics that would eerily describe them to a T. Yan decides to be a bit more risky, and take his lovey dovey songs into more darker territory.

-Its an obvious switch. Going from themed albums that would have him in more colorful attire and poppy beats, to more darker fashion and seductive tones. Clearly the Cloud 9, cutesy romance didn't do the trick, so maybe he could lure his Darling in with a more mature persona.

-Lyrics become much more sexual in nature, singing of long nights underneath the covers, decorating each others skin in marks, all the things that gets the crowds riled up. He isn't afraid to drop hints/details about kinks he picked up that his Darling seemed to be interested in(well at least that's what Darlings search history says).

-His fame skyrockets after the new change, and he sees his Darling has started to pick up a bit of an interest in his music(fucking finally). They notice a little bit of how Yan seems to keep a certain image of someone within his lyrics. Mentions of the same hair color(and if Darlings one to dye their hair, will even mention the change in hair color in the song(s), same eye color, same attributes both physically and personality wise. But despite that, Darling still hadn't gotten deep enough into the music to put the puzzle pieces together. Though they did make a joke about how much they related to this mystery person from the small amount of details they picked up.

-Yan definitely had to bite his tongue and hold his hands behind his back to keep from exploding after hearing that. So damn close, his Darling is right fucking there, the density this Darling had was driving Yan up the wall, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't find a little excitement in it. At this point he done already turned it into a game.

-The music just gets darker from there, and while the crowds of unwavering loyal fans eat up each word like its their last meal, Darling is finally becoming suspicious. Not just from the odd lyrics Yan has been singing, but also behaviors being exhibited behind the curtains. Around the first change in sound, when Yan took his music down a darker route, Yan had begun being more pushy with spending more time with his Darling. Following them around like a lost puppy between photoshoots. Trying his damnest to get Darling to hang out with him outside of work. Throwing parties just in an attempt to get Darling out of their professional persona around him. Constantly buying them things, showing up out of no where to chat with them, it was overwhelming.

-It was only getting worse, especially since Yan was beginning to slip up and say things about Darling that he shouldn't know. Afterall, Darling never told him such things. Coupled that with the fact that his lyrics in his new album sing of kidnapping and basements and a whole bunch of stuff that aren't at all romantic anymore, Darling is getting wary. They can't seem to go anywhere without this nagging feeling they weren't alone and something was wrong. They even begin looking into changing to a different label or becoming an independent photographer just to get away from overwhelming nature of their Yan.

-And Yan picks up on it. He realizes he isn't winning them over like this anymore, and he's now down to his last resort. He's always been a tad sadistic, even in the beginning he had a bit of joy daydreaming about kidnapping Darling and having them caged in his awfully large mansion, only having Darling ever see and hear from him. He's spent many hours in bed imagining ways to condition and brainwash Darling into relying on him, maybe even getting them so reliant on Yan that he'd be able to have them follow him once again on tours just so they could always be together every waking moment of their lives.

-But to get to that point, he was going to have to start at step 1.

1. Throw a party. At this point they had become common, as this was something he used in the past to get Darling to come out and spend time with him. He'd use the same excuse he's used in the past. He wants his favorite photographer to come and take amazing photos of the party so he can put them on his Instagram for bragging rights.

2. Get them chilled out. Darling never drinks alcohol at these parties. They have an expensive camera they need to protect, and taking decent camera shots require a steady hand. So Yan will make his own concoction for Darling. Darling only said they won't drink alcohol, they never mentioned anything else...

3. Take them out of the crowd and into a more quiet... secluded area of the house. They were never big on parties, its so easy to get overwhelmed, and now they're drowzy and stumbling over themselves and their words. Can't even stand up let alone walk. They clearly need some rest. Luckily Yan has everything they need to keep them comfortable. Now that they've finally made it home they can rest easy on their new bed while Yan finishes up closing down the party for the night.

4. Now a new life can be started. One much more suited to Yans taste. A life his amazing music has sung tales of since the day Yan fell in love...

#yandere #yandere oc #yandere idol #yandere singer #yandere musician #original work #yandere x reader #yandere x gn reader #yandere x male reader #yandere x darling #yandere x you #the ending is very abrupt I do not do endings well #I don't plan on doing this regularly

[sirensorisons]

i can't believe it's finally happening.

in early 2012, i picked the hunger games up off the shelf at my school library on a whim. my eldest sister hates reading, but i remembered that this was one of the few books she'd actually enjoyed, so i figured it couldn't be bad. not long after i finished reading, i learned that it would be adapted for the big screen.

on a school trip in april, me and so many of my classmates were caught up in hunger games mania. we tried our hand at being katniss with archery and pretended to be tributes in the woods. i wrote a couple chapters of some horrible self-insert fanfiction that's been lost to time, where my oc was bffs with some of my favorite characters: annie cresta and finnick odair.

throughout middle and high school, i made note of the release dates for every hunger games film, and i went to see catching fire and mockingjay part 1 in theaters. i revisited the series with a keener eye when i was a little older, and i began to understand the true literary genius of it.

for my last high school english assignment in 2018, we were allowed to do anything we wanted. earlier that year, our teacher had said something disparaging about the literary merit of the trilogy, so i decided made a short video about the series, fan films, and 1984.

on june 17, 2019, i learned for the first time that suzanne collins was working on a prequel, set to release on may 19, 2020. i learned at the same time that a movie adaptation was already in the works. i was skeptical when i heard it would be about president snow, but this series had captured my heart seven years prior, so there was no way i was passing this up. i preordered the book as soon as i could.

when it came in the mail on my twentieth birthday, i read the ballad of songbirds and snakes in that single day, for twelve hours straight. when i finally put it down, i'd managed to give myself a nasty eyestrain headache, but i was so, so happy.

i followed the production of the film with interest, as closely as i could with information made publicly available by actors, producers, and fans. i was always excited to share what i'd learned with my parents, and eventually, we were calling it my movie.

last year, in the last few days of august, i embarked on a mission to write a canon-compliant fanfiction about another one of my favorite characters, johanna mason. i posted the first chapter of "as long as i'm burning" in september, and i would write nearly 150k words between then and this past march.

although the fic has been on hiatus since then due to my copious mental issues, alaib and the canon series have been at the forefront of my mind all year. i started to regularly edit the hunger games wiki in may, and i've made over 2000 edits since then. last month, i even made my own private wiki for alaib on miraheze.

i cannot express how much this series means to me. the book release for tbosas genuinely kept me alive in some of my darkest days, and the movie is keeping me going every day even now. i love the world, its characters, and its commentary on our world. i love its message of hope and recovery in such cruel, dire circumstances. i love its love for kindness, freedom, and justice.

and i love that i get to share it with all of you. because even though i had nothing to do with its creation, tbosas feels so deeply personal to me. in my heart it's my movie, and i can't wait for everyone to be able to see it.

i've queued this over a week in advance because i don't expect to be nearly so coherent the day of. at time of posting, i should be heading into the theater, and the hunger games: the ballad of songbirds and snakes will be beginning any minute now.

this has been such an incredible journey. i'll see you in a few hours.

#welcome to the shitshow.txt #thg #hunger games #tbosas

[kaeru-kobold]

Kaeru Kobold-Dear Tumblr #1

I finally decided what I'm going to do with this Tumblr Account! Aside from the typical reposts of my art, self-promotion and such, I'm going to use it primarily as a live, public diary of my adventure in Vtubing, streaming and content creation, so here goes my very first entry. I think I'm going to try to do this daily, at the very least I'll make one weekly and on big events.

Dear Tumblr,

it's currently 1:22 AM, 12/11/23. I've been interested in becoming a Vtuber for roughly a year now, and have slowly done tons of research, watched hours of Vtuber content for fun and advice, built up art and assets, came up with a new Sona design, customized models, and have spent hours upon hours of work making art and assets related to that goal. Boy they really don't tell you how much work it is to be a streamer/content creator, especially when you're broke and doing it all by yourself. Speaking of broke... I'm currently out of work, money is very low, and I'm very stressed out. I made the mistake of leaving my old job for a new one that I hoped would be a good opportunity, but I had to leave on day one for moral and public health reasons I won't get into. I have put in dozens of applications the last two weeks and have mainly only received automated emails; I have done 2 Zoom interviews for two different jobs, and then was never given a call or email back. My old job won't take me back for reasons beyond me. I admitted this in an OkayDonuts stream a day or so ago, and he said similar issues motivated him to start streaming. This gives me so much hope that I can have the great community and career success that he has that I so desire-If he could do it, so can I! Right? I just really like making stuff, I've always liked learning new techniques both physical and digital; crochet, clay sculpting, wood carving, painting, graphic design, 3D modelling/Texturing, game design. I wasn't good at much as a kid, but art was my passion, and the best part was seeing how happy it made other people. I just want to make cool things that make people happy and create a community of similarly creative people to share our passions and bring more kindness and cool creations into the world. I don't want to be an uber rich Mr. Beast level celebrity, I just want to make enough that I don't need a menial job I suffer at. Simply making a decent living in this world off my art would be a blessing, it would be so much better for my mental health. Speaking of which, if you're reading this....did you know I take commissions? Please commission me, I hungy :'( But seriously, as of writing this, I have $43.20 in my bank account. My phone bill alone is $45. My partner and I have family support, so we'll get by ok, but the struggle and having to ask for help is really getting to me. On the bright side, since we should count our blessings- I have a really nice microphone since my partner tried streaming a couple years ago and is letting me use it whenever I need! I have a really good laptop from my college days that can run everything I need without getting TOO overwhelmed. I have a really good drawing tablet that I bought a couple years ago when I was doing a little better financially (It's much easier to save money when you're living with your parents and work 40 hours a week for $13/hr and your parents pay for everything) Losing my job may be a blessing in disguise because In my stress I have gone into a manic state and began going crazy getting my custom stream Overlays done, fully animated Stream Opening, BRB and Closing Screens, stinger transition animation, a functioning PNGTuber, and multiple drawings/animations for alerts/emotes/rewards/etc. and yes that includes things I didn't know I needed to be a Twitch Affiliate to even use...lol...I'm currently working on an animated lore video for my debut that I will also record a voice-over for. Lastly, a more recent thing-My partner found a gamer chair in the dumpster at our apartment last week after I had spent a couple months trying to find one-the cheapest ones on Facebook Marketplace in our area were like $80-and it's in near perfect condition, only a bit of scuff/rip on the seat and arm rests. How crazy is that? I gave it a good scrub-down and its good to go. I choose to take that as a sign from the universe that I'm on the right path. Wish me luck! With lots of love, Kaeru Kobold

#virtual youtuber #vtuber #furry #furry vtuber #kaerukobold

[narratingvoice]

You may have heard the kerfuffle going around on Twitter in regards to Grand Theft Auto 6. Essentially, someone leaked the code for this very unfinished game, and some... shall we say ignorant Twitter users are already lambasting it for not having polished graphics yet. Again, this is a game in the alpha stages of development and not set to be released for at least two years, but some people think they can judge the quality of the finished product already because, and I quote, "visuals are one of the first things done".

This is not remotely true, and this blanket assertion irks me to no end. So I thought I'd join the many developers on Twitter countering this argument and share some of my personal development process, and the order in which things should be done. (Hint: graphics come near the end!)

Story

The story is of course the first and most important part of any video game. You should have the entire story committed to paper before you ever touch a computer. Treat it like you would a novel, with a full editing process to get your idea from first draft to a polished final form. Figure out what the passion deep within your soul is, convey your profound message to the world. You should also know every detail about your protagonist's life, from their favourite colour to the name of their first crush. Even if it never comes up in the story, it's vital to making them a well-rounded, believable character. Don't worry if writing takes a long time - this should be the hardest and most harrowing part of the process. Personally, I had the inspiration for The Stanley Parable as early as 2005 and worked on it off and on for years. It was an incredibly painful time in my life and I went through over 150 revisions before I was satisfied.

More secrets of game creation under the cut, because this got a little long even for me.

2. Gameplay

The next step is deciding what kind of game you'll be making. The style of gameplay you give your players will determine how they experience and absorb your story, so it's crucial that you choose the correct genre. My story is centred on the alienation of the common man within the modern workplace, so I went with a simple walking sim control scheme with no combat or puzzles to distract from the core theme. This will likely not be appropriate for you. If your story is, for example, a romantic tragedy between star-crossed lovers, it should properly be expressed as a platformer with a lot of collectibles. Writing a bildungsroman? Make it a Metroidvania. Science fiction dystopia? That should be a match-3 puzzle game.

3. Coding

Now that the idea work is finished, it's time to get to actually building the game. All video games, on their fundamental level, are made out of bytes. AAA game studios these days make games in the range of hundreds of gigabytes which they get from industrial suppliers, but if you're an indie developer, it's likely your game will be much smaller, in the range of several megabytes. I highly recommend buying fresh, locally grown bytes if at all possible. Check your local farmer's market to see if anyone has them for sale. If not, there's no shame ordering bulk packages from electronics shops; we all have to start somewhere. Once you have rinsed and dried your bytes, pour them into your computer and hit the "grind" button on your keyboard. Now they're ready to be built into all the assets your game will need! And if your project gets bigger than intended, you can always buy more.

4. Engine

Next you need to create the objects you want and put them all together. This is the step that the GTA6 code appears to be in, and it can take several years depending on how many objects you want. You'll need to pick an engine to work in, or if you're really ambitious, build your own custom engine. Popular engines such as Unity come with tools that let you create 3D objects by sculpting your code like clay. I personally hand-sculpted every corridor, door, and room in The Stanley Parable, and I don't even have an architecture degree! You'll want to practice making assets quickly, just in case you need to improvise and build new rooms after the game is finished. Because some people are nosy and just have to see what's beyond a door you didn't finish.

5. Orbs

I don't really have to explain this one, do I? It should be pretty obvious. We all know you can't make a game without orbs somewhere in the code. That's what holds the whole thing together.

6. Graphics

At last we come to the fabled visuals. You see how much work must come before this? You can't paint a house before you've constructed it, after all! And your graphic style really is like a coat of paint to make your game shine. Back in the 1980s, state of the art graphics looked like this:

But blocky sprites don't cut it with modern gamers who demand a sense of realism. (I still look like this, which is one of the reasons I don't show my face in game. It would clash with the vibe.) If you want your work to be taken seriously and win lots of awards, you must make it look as much like reality as possible. That means detailed skin and hair textures on all your characters, a perpetually dark sky, and lots of shiny metal objects everywhere just so you can show off how well they show reflections. Oh, and lots of little easter eggs that are barely readable unless you extract the texture and enlarge it. Your players will thank you for that.

7. Soundtrack

This honestly isn't that important. Just buy some royalty-free Creative Commons tracks and throw them in. Your players should be so engrossed in the story that the music hardly registers.

8. Beta Test

The final step, once everything is complete, is to play through your game a number of times to make sure it runs properly. Think of it like a rehearsal. In this stage you can catch any major bugs in the code and hopefully fix them. And if you find something unexpected happening, like for example your protagonist exhibiting sentience and free will, you can be prepared so you're not caught off guard on launch day. How embarrassing that would be. Of course no one is perfect, which is why patches exist.

And that's all there is to it! I hope this post was edifying. Now I'm going back to Twitter to laugh at people.

#tsp #the stanley parable #original #ask me anything #image descriptions in alt text

[nightfallrevel]

Sitting in between Hitoshis legs and playing video games together as a married couple (age like 22) and your playing animal crossing and you give him a shirt in game that says "Number 1 Daddy" and hes all confused thinking it’s supposed to be kinky but actually reader is preggo

A/N:

I am finally posting this. I originally had this nearly done back when it was first requested, but then it all got deleted when my laptop decided it was time to update itself and shut down. I was so mad that I couldn't even come back to this for the longest time.

I hope you don't mind that I strayed from using second person and instead wrote it as an unnamed and as generic as I could make her OC. I really have come to despise second person POV and avoid writing it where I can.

Please enjoy!

CW: none, all fluff

Words: 1,141

They’d been married for just over a year and Shinsou Hitoshi couldn’t remember being happier. He’d met his wife a few years ago in a rather normal way and they had slowly become friends over time. The fact that he was a hero had never affected her opinion of him or swayed her feelings one way or another. She was understanding of his fluctuating hours and supported him on the hard days. In return, he gave her what she needed to chase her own dreams and career. They were a perfect match.

Of course, they fought, as all couples do, but they were always able to work things out. Communication and compromise were the keys to making their day to day lives work in the hardest of times, not that they had many of those. To anyone else, they probably looked like a pretty boring couple. Shinsou didn’t think so and he also liked to imagine that they were able to work as well as they did because they made sure to set aside time to spend together, not to mention a healthy sex schedule.

One of their favorite things to do together when they could was to play games. Anything from co-op to games that brought out their more competitive sides. Nothing made him happier to hear her laughter as she tried her hardest to beat him with every level they played - or accidentally hit a wrong button. Recently, though, his little wife had an obsession with a new game. A little slower paced than they usually went for, but it was cute and his wife was obsessed, so he played along to keep her happy. Not that he would ever admit that he actually loved the game, too.

“Hitoshi! Look! I finally caught the swordfish!” His wife gleefully shook her Switch screen in front of his face from between his legs where she sat on the floor. He grinned at her, seeing her character show off the catch with the silly pun in the speech bubble.

“Great job, babe. Make sure Blathers pays you handsomely for the time you spent looking for it.” He snickered as she rolled her eyes with a smirk. They’d been playing Animal Crossing for the past couple of months straight and she was obsessed with collecting all the bugs, fish, fossils, and crafting recipes. She would also spend hours creating new designs for clothes or tiles to make their shared island as perfect as possible.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be sure to collect on all the other things I’ve donated, too.” She turned back around, hunching over her Switch in her lap. “Now I can go back to making a new shirt.” Hitoshi smiled softly at the back of her head, feeling his affection for her welling up inside him. He’d have to cuddle her later, maybe after dinner.

Turning his attention back to the TV screen, he went back to collecting crafting materials and having fun with tormenting the villagers while he left his wife to her newest creation. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before she finally perked up. His gaze dropped back to her, noting the warm glow to her cheeks that always appeared when she was particularly pleased about something.

“Done! I’ve turned this into a shirt for you, so c’mere and I’ll give it to you.” A giggle left her, excited for him to have the shirt. He chuckled, knowing that particular giggle meant one of two things. Either she’d completely outdone herself and was extremely proud of herself, or it was something outrageously silly that he was being tricked into. He didn’t mind either way and immediately turned his character to meet her outside of the tailor shop.

“Alright. Do your worst, babe!” He snickered as she lightly swatted his shin. The shirt dropped on the ground and he picked it up. Going into his inventory, the name of the shirt simply said ‘1’ and he raised a brow before putting it on. His character made a flourish as the shirt changed and Hitoshi froze, unable to properly process what he was seeing.

The shirt itself wasn’t anything special, just a solid purple that matched the color of his hair. What threw him, however, were the bright words that were on proud display. “Number One Daddy”. He blinked a few times before his gaze slid down to his blushing wife, turning his raised brow on her. “I thought you weren’t into that kink? In fact, I think I specifically remember you vehemently stating how much it grossed you out.” His mouth kicked up into a teasing smirk as she blushed even brighter and hid her face against his knee.

“I do hate it!” She was quiet for a long time and he waited patiently for her to explain herself. “It’s not about the kink.” She finally said, her voice small as she peeked up at him. Hitoshi stared at her, brain refusing to pick up what she meant for several heartbeats. Dawning washed over him and his mouth fell open wordlessly. “Surprise?”

He blinked and his brain finally rebooted enough for him to close his mouth and swallow thickly. “Are you serious? Is this real? Are we… Are you… Babe. I need you to tell me right now if you’re trying to tell me what I think you are.” Nervously, she set her Switch aside on the coffee table and brought her hands to rest in her lap.

“Hitoshi, love of my life, I’m pregnant.” She gave him a small smile. “We’re going to have a baby.” Hitoshi sucked in a sharp breath, his chest tightening with emotion. They had talked a couple of times about kids, but never in too much depth. They both wanted to have one or two, and never really discussed much else; how soon they wanted one hadn’t come up. They hadn’t been trying, but they didn’t regularly use protection, either. It didn’t matter.

Moving forward, he gathered his wife in his arms and pulled her into his lap. “Babe, that’s amazing. I can’t believe it. You’re… seriously? You’re not pulling my leg here?” She laughed and nodded, leaning into him. He brought her in for a kiss, their lips melding together passionately. They broke apart and Hitoshi felt himself overwhelmed with emotion. “I’m gonna be a dad,” he whispered. “The best dad,” his wife whispered back, happy tears filling her eyes. He chuckled softly and reached up to wipe them away. His chest swelled with love and pride in the woman in his arms, the woman he called ‘wife’. They’d started a life together just over a year ago, and now it would only continue to grow as they brought new life into the world for them to cherish and raise. Together, just like in everything else they did, always together.

#my work #shinsou hitoshi #hitoshi shinsou #reader request

[starblue2406]

A month ago I was surprised that my mug suffered damage, it didn't break but it was obvious that something bad happened to it.It turns out that my mom slipped while washing the dishes, miraculously it survived but was damaged. My mom wants to make it up to me by having a mug made with the image I want or any mug of my choice.

Since then I have carefully thought about how I want a mug, from a Nicola Tesla mug to a huge pushen cat mug I saw in suburbia.I decided on an image of my own, I thought about various themes until I chose one in particular and today I finished with the drawing.

__________________________________________

Surely in a year or even less this will make me very embarrassed, but it was either this or instead a drawing of Nicolas x Alejandra or an image I really like of Enstein x Newton (both in their version of the super sciencie Friends).

At least I can disguise this one by saying that my humanization of Arceus is female (since long hair always confuses XD), something I couldn't do with the Enstein x Newton; besides it would be weird if I had the drawing of two royal kings that were sent to kill them for being so bad in their position, at least these two are not real like Nicolás and Alejandra were.

I tried to move away a little from the intention of shipearloa and do something more artistic, I was motivated to be listening to incredible analysis of series and movies that underneath its history keep great things that leave you in what to think...

In my case I wanted to make a lot of symbolism, references and base on other things to draw this. I'll talk one by one about those things because I feel like it jsjsj

1.-

Obviously I based it on Michelangelo's painting, "the creation of Adam", but in my case it is a different meaning. It can be seen in two ways, the literal and superficial (the boat) or with the context of the characters which is that their union breaks two of the shiny and tight chains to give a nice green color when they unite.

The white of the shiny chains is the color that represents perfection in its pure state, the gold represents beauty and royalty; the shades of gray of the dolls that gradually fade convey that there is no definitive color and finally, the small soft green sparkle is the fusion of yellow, blue and white. Not only are these colors representative of the protagonists, but also for their psychological meaning, they convey harmony, inner calm and emotional balance.

2.-

I will talk more in detail in a specific chapter, but I can say that for Damos' clothing (which was the one with which he was named priest of the Archestian religion) I based myself on the clothes that Nicholas II wore when he was crowned tsar. I will spare the details of the meaning of the colors and those details, but I will say that in general I decided to base myself on that specific moment because of what that moment meant in the life of both characters.

I've realized that they both share a lot; they both live in a fantasy, in a bubble of romanticizing their positions by the stories of their ancestors and both were chosen of god (so to speak) thanks to the lineage that ran through their veins. The only difference is that Nicholas already knew what awaited him and that he was not ready to be a tsar, unlike Damos who believed that being a representative of the gods was just a matter of being a good person and serving his gods with devotion. Poor asshole xD

3.-

Surely you are thinking "Oh no, are you serious? White diamond? The utilitarian dictator who reformed her with a sermon and beautiful words in a minute or less?".

Yes. I was never a fan of Steven Universe and I'm not, but during its finale in the fifth season they began to recommend videos criticizing that series for its finale. I knew more or less what was going on and I decided to investigate his lore and as such his story. I didn't see many chapters, only the ones I considered important... But the concept of perfection and order of the mother planet and which had the great matriarch of the empire obsessed... Oh god.

Surely in my fic the way in which the so-called "perfection" is treated reminded you of the norms of the Christian god, it is a good comparison but it is not the only one. We can also compare it to the ideology of the diamond matriarch, in which everyone had to follow a hierarchical order based on the nature and purpose of each individual to make a system work harmoniously.

In the case of our favorite god, they were chains that he himself imposed and demands that others do so so that his creation is in order and saved from any failure that could harm either his children or the beings that inhabit his creation, himself or all his creation in general. That is why in one of his hands he has those chains between his fingers, because in any case he himself remains comfortable and attached to their use.

I will save myself more details about it because the subject will be deepened later, in fact in chapter 12 I am laying the foundations so that I can talk more about this later; Philosophically it is one of the themes that I like the most in this fic and something that I think I will take full advantage of the potential that I did not know how to take advantage of in the comic.

That is why I wanted to play with the use of gray and white on the wrists of the chains, later I will do something more focused on the perfection and divinity of Arceus, here I did not focus much on that anymore "wey, I just want a cup of one of my favorite ships, nmms" jshsjwjwu.

__________________________________________

I'm sure in a year or two I'll be ashamed of this drawing and my future mug, but right now I love this drawing.The present is a gift and I want to enjoy it while it lasts.

#pokemon fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #damos x arceus #arceus #damos #my art <3

[hotdamnmadison]

10/20/2022 Update

Hello all! Happy Thursday. Figured I would let you all know what's going on behind the scenes so it doesn't look like I'm spinning my wheels lol.

I am planning on doing a sexy/spooky photo shoot for Halloween. Huge emphasis on planning. It might happen, it might not. How? When? and Where? - All of that has yet to be decided haha. But I think it will mainly be SFW content with a few solo NSFW pics and videos going to Only Fans and Fetlife

I am writing a lengthy fictional piece of smut - and it's taking up a decent chunk of my time right now. I've tried a few different writing "series" on this blog (secrets from beyond the DMs, Monday Stories, etc.) - and I think I've finally decided on the two that I want to go with for a while.

The first will be "Fiction Friday" or something similar to that - this will be hot erotic pieces of writing (varying in length and effort) that I will ATTEMPT to post weekly. The title speaks for itself - these stories will be fabricated and pulled from the corners of my silly little brain. Hopefully I have a piece ready to share with you all tomorrow! We will see haha.

The second series will be more of a brain teaser and exercise to keep me fresh and help me improve as a writer. At some point during the week I will do two "Half Hour Power" stories, threads, or just random thought spews. I plan on setting a timer and diving right into the blank page with little to no prep time - and then just seeing what happens! This kills two birds with one stone - because it creates good content/posts and it also fits perfectly into my crappy busy boy life schedule (which continues to be an obstacle).

I think that my blog will mainly consist of those two things for a little while - and the rest of my time is going to focus on photos, videos, and other content creation for my Only Fans. This is of course subject to change if any commission work comes up (Please? lol 😭)

Anyway I hope you all have a great day and are able to power through another work shift. Almost Friday! :) Hang in there.

#femboy #cute crossdreser #cross dressing #crossdressgirls #gender fluid #twink #feminine #smut #feminine boy

[advrik]

INTRO

Hi there, thanks for checking out my blog: The central hub of my adventures both in real life and digitally!

If you want the short of it: My name's Rick, and I love video games, books, the outdoors, kaiju and creative writing and photography. I'll post a lot about my adventures to here and to over there, be it to the local bakery or to some fantastic castle in the land of a new (or old!) RPG.

PLACES YOU CAN FIND ME: | Youtube | GoodReads | Booksie | RetroAchievements |

If you want to read more about me, check the post after the break for more.

I used to go by Blue Cup - later just 'Blu' but decided to ditch the username that dated way back to 2007 and rebrand myself in a way that incorporated my real name. While out on a fishing/hiking outing this past summer, I thought about how much I loved adventuring in the outdoors, in video games, and in food, though the latter part has tapered off as I've adopted a low-carb lifestyle in recent months.

Thus, the 'Adventurous Rick' moniker was born. Does it roll off the tongue as easily as Blu? Nah, of course not. But I like it just the same.

My full name's Richard, but I just go by Rick; I share a birthday with King Richard Lionheart, funny enough. I love getting outdoors, hiking, fishing, and taking pictures with my Nikon D3500 camera. I'm but a hobbyist photographer, but I do pretty well for myself considering I make due strictly with kit lenses.

I'm an avid video game connoisseur, with my favorite genres being RPGs and life-sims (Harvest Moon, Animal Crossing, etc.). My favorite game of all time is Secret of Mana, which went on to inspire great things in my life. I'm huge on the Tree of Mana series, Mega Man, Sonic the Hedgehog, Final Fantasy, Breath of Fire, Legend of Zelda, Pokemon, and the Xenoblade series. I play just about a little of everything, but those are my primary fandoms in the realm.

As I've found in recent years, books have taken the place of video games as my main form of entertainment. I primarily read fantasy, with gross-out horror, sci-fi, and crime thrillers coming in as palate cleansers between epic tomes. I can't say that I have one favorite author as I haven't read enough from any one single writer to be able to say, but if anyone came close, it'd be Brandon Sanderson.

Probably my favorite piece of media genre and thing as a whole has to be Godzilla and just the kaiju genre in general. But especially Godzilla. My favorite era is the Showa (1954-1975), so I appreciate the goofy, heroic side of Godzilla a bit over the more serious tone the series has predominantly had.

My love for Secret of Mana, the adventures I'd have, and the games I'd play as a kid eventually lead to the creation of my very own story: Secret of Memoria; A tale of a young boy, an unbreakable wooden sword and a giant tree that grows in the middle of a small village located in the middle of nowhere. It was conceived with the intent of building a type of world where any genre of tale could be told, and so far I've been able to accomplish just that. And while I am not the best writer in the world by any means I am happy with what I've been able to do with it.

My fondness for creative writing is also going to bleed into the Adventurer's Guide portion of this blog, where I will be posting pictures of objects, animals, places, etc. with blurbs of text describing them as if they appeared in a video game. Putting the mundane and ordinary in a fantastical light has always been something of interest to me, and I want to spread out a bit with that now.

#intro #December 2022 #Blog

[wk-vylion]

Liminal Horror

This video is a good exploration on the concept of Liminal Spaces, a brief explanation of the Back Rooms movement, and Liminal Horror and how the Back Rooms is a different thing from the latter:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp-2M_3HwFU

I’d recommend watching this video before continuing reading my thoughts; I tried to comment this video mid way and ended up having to re-edit 4 times (at which point I decided to delete it).

Liminal Horror has always been the true appeal of Liminal Spaces. I never got the “comforting familiarity” from any of them like some people feel from some of them; they all always felt off, and the nostalgia elements only added onto the uncanniness. So, then obviously, the Back Rooms are not for me.

Side note on the Back Rooms, they feel like a Zoomer organic recreation of the original SCP movement. I get why people find them cringy (most of them are teens! ofc they aren’t skilled writers! This is even mentioned in the video) and they’re not for me either, but I do look forward to what they could become when the community tries to give all this creative chaos some kind of order (no, I don’t think the wikies are that point, yet. I don’t think SCP stabilized until long after the creation of the wikidot.) In fact, most of my favorite SCP articles have very Back Room-like stories (like that one with a dimension behind a mirror.)

The liminal space pictures, specially the more surreal ones like the dream pools, always made me feel like they were like a recreation of human architecture, but failing to really understand architecture, either accidentally by a “glitch in the matrix”, or by some entity that, for some reason, was trying to imitate human spaces with limited understanding. Imagining myself in them would always lead to more questions: if this has been actively created, what entity did? Is this like, an abandoned project? How did it come to be created and/or abandoned? Or is it actively maintained? How did we get here? Was it some kind of alien entity, trying to give us a familiar-looking environment? Is it the space itself that is conscious to some degree, and trying to present itself in a familiar way (but falling just short of making sense)? Is it really abandoned?*

*And I get that the Back Rooms are trying to answer this question (specifically with a “no”), but for me the appeal is the question itself, without having an answer.

This post has no conclusion, I just wanted to share my thoughts.

As a final note, I would like to shout-out my favorite 2 liminal spaces (in the true transitional meaning) that exist only in text: the forest with ponds from “The Magician’s Nephew”, by C. S. Lewis, which is the prequel to “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe“ (god how sad I am that the Chronicles of Narnia will never get adapted fully); and that abstract infinite urban space from “The Magicians” (the book), which parodies with little subtlety that same pond forest of Lewis’.

#liminal horror #wk thoughts

[erwinsvow]

𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟

for the 𝐝𝐞𝐛𝐚𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 collab <3

summary: you've always been fond of your step-brother, jean, despite how much he tries to avoid spending time with you. he finally reaches his breaking point when he sees you talking to eren, though.

warnings: step-cest, slight manipulation (reader), possessive behavior, teasing + edging, fingering, oral sex (m receiving), degradation, rough sex, creampie, jean is a good boy and reader is a fiend

author's note: i hope everyone likes this!!! i'm thinking about creating a step-cest series, let me know who should be next! tagging the lovely @yeagerslut & sending a big thank you for creating this collab! <3

Jean can never really peel his eyes away from you, no matter how hard he tries. At first it was subtle glances, like staring at the exposed skin of your supple thighs from his place beside his mom, when she was first introducing you and your father to him.

His first thought, besides the fact that it’ll be nice to have a sibling in the house with him every once in a while, is that your dress is incredibly short. So short that he wonders how you’re allowed to leave the house in something like that. If it was up to him, he wouldn’t let you, that’s for sure.

He quickly remembers that it’s not up to him, and that it’s not his place to be worrying about the length of your hem. Jean tries to suppress the strange, sudden burning feeling in his chest when he thinks about you wearing something as short as that when he has his friends over. No, that won’t be allowed.

He’ll have to tell someone about it, at some point, because he can’t stand the unusual jealousy he feels stirring at the idea of one of his friends looking at you while you’re wearing that.

His thoughts are cut short when his mother tells you two to get acquainted, while your dad and her head to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Jean almost doesn’t want them to leave, doesn’t want to be left alone with you and those legs and that dress, but he doesn’t have any say in the matter.

Your first words to your new step-brother are carefully calculated. In fact, you've been deciding everything carefully. The way you did your hair, the dress you’ve chosen that’s much too short for a family dinner but it’s not like someone can stop you, even the pink lip gloss you reapplied in the car before entering the house. Everything has its purpose, its place, with one goal in mind: see how long it takes for Jean to crack.

“I’m so excited to finally have a big brother, Jean!” you let out in a cheerful, chirpy voice that doesn’t match your insidious thoughts at all. You close the bridge separating you two with a few steps, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down into a hug.

It’s so sudden, so unforeseen that he stumbles a little, letting his tall figure be pulled by your efforts and arms wrapping around your waist for support. And before he knows it, the sweet smell of your perfume is invading all his senses and leaving him with nothing to think about except you.

He takes it all in, the lingering scent of shampoo in your hair, something fruity, he thinks off-hand, the feel of your soft skin on the back of his neck, your cheek against his, but especially the way your breasts feel against his chest.

He pulls away before you want him to, and you begrudgingly allow him to, recognizing what a challenge it’ll be. But you’re always up for a challenge.

The first few months pass by in the blink of an eye for you, and dragging on and on for him. Jean tries to avoid interactions with you since that first meeting, but it’s hard to when you’re living in the same house as him. Even harder when your bedroom is right next to his, his mother offering up his assistance to help you move boxes and get settled while she and her new husband go out to dinner.

It’s ridiculous, the way he flushes bright red when he opens boxes and suitcases filled with clothing he doesn’t want to look at, all short skirts and sun-dresses and delicate panties that he tries and fails not to stare at.

You keep your gaze away, knowing exactly which suitcase you had given him to unpack, while you organize books on the shelves of the room and sort knick-knacks.

“Won’t it be nice sharing a wall?” you comment, adjusting a frame on your nightstand and not meeting Jean’s eyes. “I think it’ll be fun to have you so close.”

Jean chokes on the water he was drinking, gasping for air and trying to process your words all at once, when you finally turn around and smile. A smile that he thinks should be illegal, given the way it’s innocence personified when you’re actually a little devil.

He leaves a little bit after that, calling out that he’s not hungry when you knock on his door for dinner, but you don’t miss the way he sounds breathless, or the panties missing from your drawers.

Every challenge gets easier, right?

It doesn’t take long for your behavior to get a little out of hand, especially when the two of you have so much alone time together. Your parents are gone all the time, frequenting dinner parties and double dates, and not coming back until late at night.

Jean tries his best to keep away. While he had once been the friend whose house was always available for sleepovers, movie nights, and the like, he was now keeping everyone away. Every time your parents’ car left the driveway, Jean followed suit, either hopping into Connie’s Jeep or walking the short distance to Sasha’s place and leaving you alone.

He was hoping no one would notice, but of course someone did, and of course that someone was Eren.

“We can’t do my place again,” Sasha says, absentmindedly reaching for the bag of chips which Connie yanks out of her reach. “My dad’s having people over.” A swat to the back of Connie’s head gets her back the snack quickly.

“How come we can’t do Jean’s place like usual?” Eren asks, reclining back in his seat and enjoying the panicked expression on Jean’s face. “There something wrong with that new sister of yours?” Jean chokes back a cough.

“No.”

“Does she always have friends over, or something?”

“No.”

“Then it’s settled,” Eren says, bringing his hands together. “Jean’s place it is.” Shit, Jean. Better come up with something quick.

“We- we can’t do my place!” he sputters out much too loudly, meeting the gaze of every person in the room.

“Any reason why, Jean-bo?” Eren asks.

“I- we- what if she’s not okay with having a bunch of loud-mouthed idiots sleeping over?” Shitty, but it’s the best he can think of when he’s so concerned with keeping everyone away from you.

If you behave like that with parents in the house, how are you gonna behave with his friends around? He doesn’t wanna take the chance to find out.

“How about you call and ask, dumb-ass?” Connie suggests, shoving his phone at him and waiting with a confused look. Jean lets out a defeated sigh, knowing how this phone call will go.

Your loud, chirpy “I’m perfectly fine with that, silly! I’ve been waiting to meet your friends..” can be heard through the phone and answers Eren’s question.

Jean searches for a reason, any reason really, to keep this sleepover from happening, but realizes that he’s failed miserably when all his friends appear, clad with pillows and overnight bags, on his front door. “So,” Eren begins, with a wolfish grin on his face that Jean wants to punch right off, “Where’s the sister? It’s only polite to say hi, right?”

As if you’d been waiting for the cue, you poke your head out from the living room, that very same innocent and sweet smile gracing your face.

“Hi,” you, stepping out to greet his friends in the foyer. “It’s so nice to meet you all.”

Jean immediately regrets the fact that he never had that conversation with you about the length of your dresses. It always sat in the back of his head somewhere, though it was incredibly easy to dismiss when you would come sit next to him on the couch, dress riding up frequently and exposing more skin that he somehow always found himself entranced by.

Today the dress of choice is yellow, and though it does, in fact, cover everything it needs to, it doesn’t leave much to the imagination either. Jean almost feels like a schoolboy again, blushing at exposed shoulders and thighs, but he can’t help it when you’re clinging right to his side as you greet his friends.

“I’m Eren-”

“Hi, I’m Connie-”

“Ignore these two, I’m Sasha-” All meet each other at once. You let out a laugh at your step-brother’s funny friends, glancing up to see his expression, but all you see are signs of anger. Your smile dims a little, but picks right back at up when you notice the way Eren looks at you, and the way Jean looks at Eren.

A plan is working itself into creation in your head before you can help it, deviousness taking a hold on you as you smile brightly in favor of Eren over Jean. Your step-brother’s been keeping his distance all this time, but you’re about ready to force his hand.

You don’t miss the way Jean’s jaw tightens, his hand clenching into a fist at his side as he guides the group to the living room. Your original plan changes quickly, following them into the space and taking your usual place on the couch as you scan the various video games laid out.

“Eren, will you sit with me?” you ask in a gentle tone, one that Jean is all too familiar with. “I don’t know this game, can I watch you play first?”

“Don’t you have work to do, or something?” Jean blurts out without thinking, his only thought centered around getting you out of the room and as far away as he can.

“What work? It’s summer,” you reply, watching your step-brother’s cheeks turn red.

You’re not helping matters for Jean, as he watches Eren sit where he usually does, teeth clenched so hard his jaw hurts. He doesn’t think he could get more angry, until he notices Eren’s hand move to your knee, squeezing quickly but lingering entirely too long. There must be steam coming out of Jean’s ears at this point, watching this interaction between you two.

“Yeah, Jean, she can stick around to watch. Anything for your little sister, right?” “I’m not that much younger than you guys, you know,” you reply with a laugh, adjusting your position on the sofa and purposefully lifting the skirt of your dress for a second before letting it settle. If someone were looking, which both Jean and Eren were, they’d catch a glimpse of black panties, and they both did.

Jean is seeing red now, standing up without realizing why, ready to yank Yeager away from you, when the doorbell rings again. It stops Jean in his tracks. “That must be Marco,” Sasha reminds, looking up from the games to glance at Jean with confusion. “Aren’t you gonna go get that?”

“Y-yeah. I’ll be right back.” Jean locks eyes with you as he leaves the room, and you dejectedly sigh, leaning away from Eren. It’s no fun to mess around with another guy if Jean’s not there to see.

He guides Marco into the living room, and you greet him with a quick smile before giving your full attention back to Eren.

The next few hours are fun for you, and unbearable for Jean. Every time he spared a glance to you, you were pouring over Eren, asking questions about the game and insisting on clarification, leaning in much too close and supporting yourself on his shoulder as he explained another trivial rule to you.

Jean didn’t like any of it, not the way you laughed sweetly and played with your hair while talking to Eren, not the way your legs were on display and Eren’s sleazy hands kept finding its way back to them, none of it. What he couldn’t stand, though, was how you didn’t shy away from his touch and found any and every way to keep it going.

He’s at his limit when you go to your bedroom after dinner to change into pajamas, knowing what to expect from your nightwear. If he’s lucky, you’ll pick a big t-shirt and shorts, but he’s seen first-hand the silky slips and cotton sets you prefer to sleep in.

Jean doesn’t think he can handle the look on Eren’s face if you come down the stairs wearing one of those, so he lets his anger do the thinking for a minute when the others are fighting over snacks and who gets the couch versus the floor.

Eren’s waiting near the bottom of the stairs, looking at something on his phone when Jean approaches and glances quickly to make sure you’re still in your room.

“You better knock it off, Yeager, I’m serious,” he says, trying to contain his anger and keep his voice down. His words come out in a low grumble that he barely recognizes, body stiff and trying his best to intimidate Eren. It doesn’t seem to be working. “Knock off what?” Eren questions nonchalantly, amused that his suspicions were proving to be correct. Looks like Jean had a little thing for his step-sister after all.

Jean’s eyes unwittingly flit to the top of the stairs again, before he forces his gaze back to Eren, but the quick gesture isn’t missed by his so-called friend.

“Oh, I see. You want me to stop being so buddy-buddy with your step-sister, huh? You better tell that to her first, you know. She’s been all over me since the minute I met her.”

The sly smirk playing on his lips only makes Jean want to cave his face in all the more.

“You better watch it, you son of a-” Eren clicks his tongue to interrupt Jean.

“Come on now, Jean, you can’t really expect me to stop. I mean, it’s not like she’s my sister, right?” Eren says, with a strange look in his eyes as though he was tempting Jean to blow his cover.

Eren walks away to rejoin everyone in the living room, leaving Jean seething by the stairs and you in your bedroom, pressed against the door and clinging onto every word.

All night you had known Jean was getting agitated by your constant flirting and touchiness with Eren, but he hadn’t been close to cracking, or so it seemed. The fact that he even confronted Eren had your heart pounding in your chest, wondering if tonight might finally be the chance you had been waiting for. You hear Jean’s heavy foot steps walk away, and you decide that it’s all or nothing, now.

You leave your room and close the door gently, dressed in a pink camisole and shorts that were sure to get Eren’s attention for long enough for Jean to finally crack.

Just as you began the descent down the stairs, you heard footsteps coming back and were greeted with Jean at the foot of the stairs.

The look in his eyes was something you hadn’t seen before, something entirely different from the reserved, hesitant Jean you had gotten so used to.

No, this Jean was someone else, a mix of want and desire and shame pooling in his pretty eyes, looking at you as though you were the prey he had finally cornered.

Before you know it, Jean is in your bedroom and your back is pressed against the door roughly as his lips stay on yours and refuse to pull away. His tongue is hot in your mouth, and his hands feel as though they’re burning your skin with the heat they are radiating, groping your ass and the soft skin of your back as he explores your body. All the things he’d wanted to do for these last few months, that he’d forced himself to repress, finally coming out.

You moan into Jean’s mouth at the sudden feel of his hands on your tits, grabbing blindly and pinching your nipple roughly and suddenly, causing the moan to turn into a loud squeal. Jean clasps his free hand over your mouth.

“Shh, now,” he begins, staring into your eyes and making your core heat up uncomfortably as you realize your little challenge was finally over. You feel the wetness between your legs growing, pussy throbbing just at seeing Jean be so dominant for once. “We don't want anyone to hear, do we?”

You shake your head quickly to answer his question, having completely forgotten about the multiple guests just a floor away. You expect Jean to pull away, to tell you that he’ll take care of you after they’re all gone, some other time, but he doesn’t.

He pulls his hand away and leads two fingers to your mouth, guiding them into your willing mouth, latching your lips around them and sucking while swirling your tongue, getting them wet as he wanted.

“You know how long I’ve wanted this? Huh? Since the day I met you, that’s how long. And you’re such a fucking tease all the time, you know how unbearable it's been?” Jean says in a deep voice, his eyes observing your mouth continuing its work. You moan around his fingers, wanting to speak but no words come out.

He pulls his fingers away and leads them straight to your throbbing pussy, running one up and down your slit teasingly as you hold back a loud moan.

“P-please, Jean, please do something, I- oh!” Jean shoves the two digits into your tight hole without any warning at all, causing your whole body to shake at the sudden fullness.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it, you dirty slut? You wanted your big brother to get fed up and fuck you senseless, didn’t you? Say it,” he orders, fingers pumping in and out and his hand grazing your clit with every motion, causing you to moan as your body tenses. You can hardly process his words because of the pleasure you’re feeling, but his other hand finding your throat brings you back quickly.

“Say it. I won’t ask again.”

“Y-yes, Jean, I-I wanted big brother to fuck me, oh, yes-” You lose your thoughts again as his pace increases, making you squeal again before you clamp your mouth shut to make sure no one hears you. Your stomach is tensing and you know you’re so, so close, one more touch from Jean would have your orgasm washing over you like lightening spreading through your body, when he suddenly stops.

You gasp loudly at the sudden emptiness, feeling your orgasm dissipate as you buck up and clamp down against nothing at all. Jean’s fingers are in his mouth, tasting your wetness as you try to catch your breath and protest against the way he’s teasing you, but your pleas are met by deaf ears.

“Jean,” you moan desperately, clinging to his shoulders, “please, please, let me cum, please-”

“No. Filthy sluts that mess around with their big brother’s friends don’t get to cum,” he says gruffly, as you whine again and try to release yourself from his tight grip. It’s useless since he has you caged in, firm hands on your waist dragging you to the bed and throwing you on top of the soft covers.

“Please, I promise I’ll be a good girl,” you plead, using your sweetest voice and big. teary eyes to win Jean over, but it’s still useless.

“I said no,” he repeats, hovering over you and his hands finding their way to the bottom of your camisole. He pulls the skimpy top off of you quickly, revealing your tits. Your nipples harden at the sudden cool air, and Jean’s fingers find them once again, pinching and teasing as you moan into your pillow, desperately bucking your hips up for contact between your legs, to no avail. His hot mouth finds your nipple, flicking with his tongue as his hand plays with the other, before he pulls away quickly.

You whine again at the loss of stimulation, before you see Jean pulling down the band of his grey sweatpants and leaning back against the headboard.

“Prove to me that you deserve big brother’s cock,” he says, revealing his hard dick as it snaps against his stomach. “With your mouth. Now.”

You don’t need to be told twice. You reposition yourself, ass in the air and head at Jean’s crotch as you stare at his pretty, pink cock with wide eyes. You’d expected him to be big, but not like this, though you don’t have time to dwell on it as he grips it firmly and taps the angry, pink tip against your lips.

You hang your tongue out, spit collecting and falling all over his length before you finally take as much as you can into your mouth, sucking and swirling as your hands move up and down the rest that you can’t take.

“Just like that-” Jean begins before breaking into a loud moan. You pop him out of your mouth and keep stroking with your hands as you whisper for him to shush.

“What happened to being quiet, and everyone downstairs will hear, and-” You’re interrupted as Jean grips his cock and shoves it back into your mouth, gagging suddenly at the unexpected movement.

Jean stares at your obedient mouth, following his instructions without any sign of the brat he was so used to. As you cup his balls in your hand, he feels them tighten and knows he’s not gonna last much longer like this. He guides your head away from his cock, admiring the drool and spit on your face and the glassy eyes he’s longed to see.

“Jean, I wanna-”

“I don’t care what you want, sweetheart,” he says, a false sweetness in his voice that’s making you feel dizzy. “You’re gonna ride me now, you got that?”

Jean’s hands are firmly set on your hips, positioning you just as he wants as you hover above his leaking cock. You grind down quickly, desperate for friction on your throbbing clit, before Jean stops your motions with the tight grip he has on you. “Are you gonna make me repeat myself?” he questions, in a tone that makes you positive that you don't want to make him angry. You shake your head immediately, taking his dick in your hand and lining it up with your wet hole, before slowly sinking down.

“Oh, god-!” you let out, before clasping a hand over your mouth. You had never felt quite so full before, the stretching burn making heat course through your whole body, as you bottom out and clench hard. “Come on, baby, you know how long you’ve been begging for this? Don’t get shy on me now,” Jean says, and you regain your senses slowly. You start moving, up and down, just like he wants and speeding up as you feel your cunt gush against Jean.

You’re sure to be making a mess, but you can hardly care when your brain feels so cloudy and distracted at how good Jean feels inside you, and you start the grinding movement again. Jean entertains you for a minute, before grabbing your hips even tighter, nearly at a bruising grip now, and snapping his own hips to thrust into you.

You’re blabbering now, utterly senseless as Jean fucks you mercilessly. You know you’re being loud, but you just don’t care, not when Jean is hitting that one spot inside you that has you seeing stars before you know it, your hands on his shoulders and holding on for life.

“Are you close, baby? Are you gonna cum all over your brother’s big cock?” Jean teases, feeling you clench down harder and knowing he won’t be able to hold on much longer either. “Yes, yes, yes! Jean! Oh, Jean-” you finally feel the tight coil in your stomach snap, unaware of your own movements and surroundings as you focus on the pleasure Jean’s giving you. You yell out, cumming so intensely and shaking on top of Jean, twitching once more when you hear Jean groan and feel hot ropes of cum inside you.

Your throat feels dry and scratchy, heart pounding as you come down from your high. You feel Jean’s grip, much softer now, lead you off of his cock and lay you next to him on the bed. It’s a mess, and you don’t know how you’ll clean up with everyone downstairs and surely they’ve noticed you’re both still gone-but you still don’t care.

All you care about is the sound of Jean’s heart beat from your position on his chest, and the way his hands feel on your skin as he holds you close to his warm body.

“So,” he starts off quietly, “was it how you’ve been imagining it all this time?” You’re not looking at him, but you know he’s smiling.

“Mmh,” you hum contentedly, “even better.” You feel his body rumble with a laugh, and his hand reaches to cup your face and lean into you for a kiss. Just as your lips meet, you hear a sharp knock at the door.

“Might wanna hurry up, you two,” Eren calls out from the other side of the door. “The others are getting suspicious.”

#anyways.. step bro jean <3 #jean kirstein #jean x reader #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein smut #jean kirstein imagine #attack on titan #jean kirschtein #jean kirschtein smut #jean kirschtein imagine #tw stepcest #aot imagine #aot x reader #aot smut

[nopefun]

Interview #494: Ryan Frigillana

Ryan Frigillana is a Philippine-born lens-based artist living and working in New York. His work focuses on the fluidity of memory, intimacy, family identity, and visual culture, largely filtered through the lens of race and immigration. Embracing its plasticity, Frigillana explores photography’s relationship to context as a catalyst for thematic dialogue.

His first monograph, Visions of Eden, was published as two editions in 2020, and is held in the library collections of the MoMA, Getty Research Institute, and Smithsonian among others.

We spoke to find out more about Visions of Eden, his love for photobooks, and photography as a medium for introspection.

Lee Chang Ming Ryan Frigillana

Thanks for agreeing to do this! As we’ve just arrived into the new year, I want to start by asking: how did you arrive at photography and how has your practice evolved so far? Your earlier work was anything from still life to street photography, but your recent work seems to deal with more personal themes.

It’s my pleasure; thank you for having this conversation with me! Wow, looking back at how I’ve arrived at this point makes me feel so grateful for this medium, and excited to think of where it will lead me from here. I came to photography somewhat late. I was initially studying to become a nurse and was set to start a career in that field, but I found myself unhappy with where I was going. My mother was a nurse and I know what goes into being one; it’s not an easy job, and I respect those who do it, but my heart wasn’t in it. I found photography as a creative outlet during that stage of my life, and I’ve clung onto it ever since.

My first exposure to photography (no pun intended) came in the form of street and photojournalism. I would borrow books from the library a lot, consuming works by Magnum and other photographers working in that tradition. At the time, it was all I knew so that’s what I tried to emulate. Even early on in my undergrad career, these modes of creation were reinforced by curriculum and by what I saw from my own peers. My still-life work branches off of that same sentiment: the only names that were ever thrown around by professors were Penn and Mapplethorpe, so that’s who I studied. Thankfully over the years, I’ve been able to broaden that perspective through my own research. Though I don’t necessarily pursue street or constructed still-lifes anymore for my personal work, I’d like to think my technical skills (in regard to timing, composition, light) owe a debt to those past experiences.

I suppose now I’m starting to explore how photography can be used as language, to communicate ideas and internal conflicts. I’m thinking more about the power of imagery, its authorship, its implications, and how photographs have shaped, and continue to shape, our reality. That’s where my work is headed at the moment.

I liked how you mentioned photography as a language, which calls into question who we are speaking to when we make images and what kind of narrative we construct by putting photographs together.

In your work “Visions of Eden”, you trace your family’s journey as first-generation Filipino immigrants in America. I was quite struck by how you managed to link together original photography, archived materials and video stills. To me, with the original photography there was a sense of calm and clarity, perhaps in the composition. But with the archived material it was like peering through tinted glass, and the video stills felt like an unsteady memory. What was the editing process like for you and how did you decide what to include or exclude?

For me, editing is the hardest part about photography. Shooting is the enjoyable part of course because it can feel so cathartic. Sometimes when I shoot it feels almost like muscle memory in the sense that you see the world and you just react to it in a trained way. But with editing, it’s more of a cerebral exercise. More thought is involved when you have to deal with visual relationships, sequence, rhythm, and spacing, etc. The real creation of my work takes place in the editing process. That’s where the ingredients come together to form an identity.

When creating this identity, I not only have to think about what I want to say, but also how I want to say it. It’s like speaking; there are numerous ways you can communicate a single sentence. How are images placed in relation to one another? How large are they printed, or how much white space surrounds it? Are the images repeated? What’s on the following page? The preceding page? Is there text? How are they positioned on the spread? All of these little choices impact the tone of your work. And that’s not even mentioning tactile factors like paper stock or cover material. I think that’s why I have such a deep love for photobooks because 1) they’re physical objects and 2) someone has obsessed over every aspect of that object.

I’m aware that my photographs lately have a quiet, detached, somewhat stripped-down quality to them. I think that’s just a subconscious rejection of my earlier days shooting a lot of street where I was constantly seeking crowded frames and complexity in my compositions. As I’ve grown older, I realize less is more and if I can do more by saying less, that’s even better. Now, the complexity I seek lies in the work as a whole and how all these little parts can form something fluid and layered, and not easily definable.

For Visions of Eden, I wanted the work to feel somewhat syncopated and wandering in thought. That meant finding a balance between my quiet static photographs and the movement and energy of the video stills, or balancing the coldness of the illustrations with the warmth of the family snapshots. The work needed to be cohesive but have enough ambiguity for it to take life in someone else’s imagination. Peoples’ lived experiences in regard to immigration and religion are so complex that they can’t be narrated in any one definitive way. Visions of Eden, hopefully, is a rejection of that singularity.

Yes, there’s definitely something special and intimate about flipping through a photobook! For your monograph, you recently released a second edition which is different from your first (redesigned, added images, etc.). Why did you decide to make it different? Was the editing mainly a solitary process?

The first edition was a partially hand-made object. Illustrations were printed on translucent vellum paper and then tipped into the gutter of the book. When you flip through the pages, those vellum sheets would overlap over certain images, creating a collage-like effect. That was my original concept for this book. Doing this, however, was so laborious and time consuming, and not to mention expensive! Regretfully, I wound up making only twenty copies of that first edition. I wanted the work shared with a wider audience so that’s why I decided to publish a second run.

The latest edition is more of a straight-forward production without the vellum paper. With this change in design, I had to reconfigure the layout. I took liberties in swapping out some images or adding new ones altogether. Also, a beautiful afterword was contributed by my friend, artist, writer, and curator Efrem Zelony-Mindell. I still feel so fortunate and grateful to have had my work seen and elevated by their words in my book.

For the most part, yes editing is quite a solitary process for me. But there does come a point when I feel it’s ready, where I share the work with a few trusted people. It’s always nice to have that outer support system. Much of Visions of Eden was created during my time in undergrad school so I had all sorts of feedback from peers and professors which I’m grateful for. But in the end, as the author, you ultimately have the final say in your work.

Given that Eden is a starting point and metaphor in the work, I was thinking about ideas of gardens, (forbidden) fruit, and movement of people.

How do you view yourself in relation to your place of birth? In your series, I see the most direct links in the letters, old photos where tropical foliage is present in the background, and the photo of the jackfruit (perhaps the only tropical fruit in this series).

I came to America when I was very young, about five years old. For my family and for many other families still living in the Philippines, America is seen as a sort of ideological Eden: a land of milk and honey, of wealth and excess. We all know that’s far from the truth. Every Eden has a caveat, a forbidden tree. Which leads me to ask: as an immigrant living in this country, what fruits were never intended for me?

I honestly don’t remember much about my childhood in the Philippines aside from fleeting memories of my relatives, the sounds of animals, the smell of rain and earth, the taste of my grandmother’s cooking. The identity that I carry with me now as a Filipino is not so much tied to the physical geography of a place but rather it is derived from a way of life, from shared stories, in the values we hold dear, passed on from generation to generation. This is a warm flame that lives on in me to this day as I write these words thousands of miles away from where I came.

Photographs have a way of shaping our memory and our relationship to the past, which in turn affects how we engage with the present. The family photographs and letters used in my book act as anchors in a meandering journey. They serve as landmarks that I can return to whenever I feel lost or need assurance so far away from “home”. They give me the comfort and affirmation that I need to navigate a space where I never really felt I belonged. The spread in my book­­ that you mentioned—the jackfruit on one side, and the Saran-wrapped apple on the preceding page—was a reference to my duality as both Filipino and American. It’s a reminder and an acknowledgment that I am a sum of many things, of many people who have shaped me. If I flourish in life, it’s because my roots were nourished by love.

I like how you mentioned photos as anchors or landmarks. Isn’t that why we create and photograph? To mark certain points in our lives and to envision possible futures, like a cartographer mapping an inner journey. Do you feel like you and your relationships with those you photographed changed through the process of making your works?

When my parents took pictures of our family, it wasn’t done solely in the name of remembrance; it also served as an affirmation of ourselves and our journey—a celebration. Every birthday, vacation, school ceremony, or even the seemingly insignificant events of daily life were all photographed or video-taped as a way of saying to ourselves, “Here we are. Look how far we’ve come. Look at the life we’ve made. And here’s the proof”.

Now, holding a camera and photographing my family through my own lens still carries all of that celebratory joy, but with so much more possibility. Before I really took photography seriously, I never realized its potential as a medium for introspection, but that’s ultimately what it has become for me. In taking pictures of my family, I not only clarify my own feelings about them, but the act of photography itself informs and builds on my relationship with each person. The camera is not a mere recording device, but a tool for understanding, processing, and even expressing love...or resentment. Though I may not be visible in my pictures, my presence is there: in my proximity, my gaze, my focus.

Does all of this impact my relationships? Absolutely. Photographing another person willingly always demands some degree of trust and vulnerability from both sides. There’s a silent dialogue that occurs which feels like an exchange of secrets. I think that’s why I often don’t feel comfortable photographing other people unless we’re very close. Usually my family is open enough to reveal themselves to me, other times what they give can feel quite guarded. That’s a constant negotiation. After the photograph is made though, nobody ever emerges the same person because each of us has relinquished something, no matter how small.

Being self-reflexive in photography is so important. I agree it should be a constant negotiation, but it’s something that bothers me these days – the power dynamic between the photographer and photograph, particularly for personal and documentary projects. More significantly, after the photograph has been made, who is really benefiting. But I guess if we are sensitive to that then perhaps we can navigate that tricky path and find a balance. 

Right, finding that balance is key and sometimes there are no clear-cut answers. That power dynamic is something I always have to be mindful of. As the photographer, you are exercising a certain role and position. At the end of the day, you’re the one essentially “taking” what you need and walking away. There’s an inherent violence or aggression in the act of taking someone’s picture, no matter how well-intended it may be. This aggression carries even greater weight when working, as you say, in a genre like documentary where representation is everything.

I remember an undergrad professor of mine, Nadia Sablin, introducing me to the work of Shelby Lee Adams—particularly his Appalachian Legacy series. Adams spent twenty-five years documenting the disadvantaged Appalachian communities in his home state of Kentucky, visiting the same families over a long period of time. Though the photographs are beautifully crafted, they pose many questions in regard to exploitation, representation, and the aestheticization of suffering. He is or was, after all, an artist thriving and profiting off of these photographs. Salgado is another that comes to mind. This was the first time I really stopped to think about the ethics of image-making. Who is benefitting from it all?

I think the search for this balance is something each photographer has to reckon with personally. Though each situation may vary with different factors that have to be weighed, and context that must be applied, you can always ask yourself these same ever-pertinent questions: am I representing people in a dignified way, and what are my intentions with these images? Communication (listening), building relationships, acknowledging your power, and respecting the people you photograph are all foundational things to consider when exercising your privilege with the camera.

Well said! The process of making photographs can be tricky to navigate yet rewarding. Any upcoming projects or ideas? What’s keeping you busy these days?

Oh, let’s just say I’m constantly juggling 3-4 ideas in my head at any given time, but ninety percent of the time they don’t ever lead to anything finished haha. This past year has been tough on everyone I’m sure. I’ve been dealing a lot with personal loss and grief and the compounded isolation brought on by the pandemic, so for months I’ve been making photographs organically as a subconscious response to these internal struggles. It’s more of an exploration of grief itself as a natural phenomenon and force—like time or gravity. Grief is something everyone will experience in life and each of us deals with it differently, but in the end we have to let it run its course. I see these photographs as a potential body of work that could materialize as a zine or book one day, so we’ll see where that goes.

Other than that, I’ve been working on an upcoming collaboration project with Cumulus Photo. Speaking of which, I saw your photograph featured in their latest zine, running to the edge of the world. Congrats on that! It’s beautiful. But yeah, just trying my best to keep busy and sane, and improving myself any way I can.

Thanks! Looking forward to your upcoming projects! Last question: any music to recommend?

I feel like my answer to this question can vary by the week. I go through phases where I exhaust whole albums on repeat until I get tired of them. So I’ll leave you with the two currently on my rotation: Angles by The Strokes, and Screamadelica by Primal Scream.

Thank you for your time!

Thank you for a lovely discourse. I had a lot of fun!

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#Ryan Frigillana #nope fun #new york #photographer interview #artist interview #Contemporary Photography #Visions of Eden #PhotoBook

[averykedavra]

A Conversation I Overheard (1/5)

It’s been a while since one of these, hasn’t it? A little one-shot turned out not-so-little and I figured it was about time to give multi-chapter fics another shot. This self-indulgent little beast is courtesy of a prompt by the lovely @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors, which you can find here! The title and plot are entirely their creation. @sleepless-in-starbucks encouraged me to write this awhile back (read: months and months ago, because I’m slow at writing) and here I am! Finally! Better late than never. So...commence fic!

Update schedule is to be determined. This fic is on Ao3 here!

Pairings: romantic LAMP

Warnings: insecurity and self-hatred, anxiety, depressive symptoms, spiraling, a crap-ton of miscommunication, and mentions of kissing

Summary: When Roman eavesdrops on a family meeting post-wedding, he hears the last thing he expected--the sides confessing their feelings for each other. Which is lovely for them, but it means Roman is stuck as the fourth wheel. Helpful, quiet, and doing his best to keep them from remembering that they're still mad at Roman.

And doing his best to keep himself from dwelling on the heartbreak. Because of course they don’t love him. Why would they?

(or: the four times the sides tried to tell Roman they loved him, and the one time he finally believed them.)

Chapter One: Denial

First. Next. Masterlist.

Roman knew it was petty. He knew it was a petty, selfish, unchivalrous thing to do. He should treat his fellow Sides with more respect. He should own up to his mistakes. He should make like the fabulous prince he was and lead the discussion, fix everything, listen to the people who knew him best.

Roman knew it was stupid, but he couldn’t force himself to answer the door.

“Kiddo?” Patton asked for the third time. “Did you hear me? I said we’re all going to have a--family meeting. To talk about what happened. I think it would be a good idea for us all to...get things off our chest.”

Roman clutched at his sash and stared at the ceiling. If he called out, Patton wouldn’t hear him. He’d have to walk over to the door and open it. That was one excuse to stay still. That was one excuse to keep quiet.

“I know you’re upset,” Patton said. “It’s okay. We want to hear you out. Maybe we can help you work through some things.”

Roman would cry if he tried to work through things. He would start blubbering in front of everyone he knew. That was one excuse to keep the door locked.

“You don’t have to.” Patton sounded upset. He always sounded upset these days--maybe it was the door muffling his voice, or just because he was talking to Roman. “You really don’t have to, kiddo, it’s okay. I get it. You’re--perfectly within rights not to come. I don’t want to pressure you.”

They didn’t want him there. Roman would ruin the whole thing, say something cruel and hurtful as he always did, and leave the situation worse than it started. That was one excuse to stay away.

“I get it,” Patton said, his voice barely making it through the door. “Janus won’t be there, and it will be calm, and we’ll talk things out. I get your hesitation, kiddo. It’s okay. I’d just--love if you gave us a chance.”

Would they give Roman a chance? How many chances were left until Roman ran out? What were the conditions of this chance--did he need to look better, act better, be better? He’d barely managed to put on makeup this morning. That was one excuse to stay inside.

“I guess that’s all I have to say.” Patton laughed a bit. “Maybe you’re asleep, and I’m just talking to myself. That’d be pretty silly of me, wouldn’t it?”

Roman was tired. He’d been tired for weeks. He was always tired. That was one excuse to avoid the meeting.

He had so, so many excuses.

They were probably the only things he was creative at.

“Well...goodbye, I guess?” Patton hesitated. Roman could see his shadow under the door. “Talk to you later, kiddo. My invitation stands.”

The shadow flickered and vanished. Roman didn’t move from his bed, splayed on the red-and-white quilt, staring at the ceiling.

They’d be arranged on the couch when the meeting started. He could picture it well enough. Logan in the armchair, Patton on the couch, Virgil on the arm of the couch--or, if he was stressed, the top of it. He probably would be stressed. They all would be. Patton would be worrying the sleeves of his hoodie, and Virgil would be chewing on his nails, and Logan would be shifting his thermos between his hands or drumming his fingers on his knee. Maybe they’d invite Thomas. Maybe Patton would double back and invite Janus after all.

It didn’t matter, though, because Roman wasn’t going.

Patton would start the family meeting. He always read the minutes, as it was, and thanked everyone for coming. Virgil usually bristled at the gratitude. Logan always returned it. Roman always bowed with a little twirl of his hand--ridiculously dramatic--and if Thomas was there, he’d smile with his nervous smile. It was a combination of Patton’s optimism and Virgil’s anxiety. Roman could always see them in Thomas, because he knew them so well, he knew where every jagged edge fit together.

Roman remembered how the family meetings always went. A problem, a discussion, a solution. It wasn’t like it was in videos. Videos were for Thomas issues. Family meetings were for family issues. There was often overlap, which made it common to pregame a video with a quick discussion, or to pile onto the couches when a video was concluded. In Roman’s memory, which was often wrong, this meeting was almost two weeks after the disastrous wedding. Two weeks was the longest time between a video and a meeting that Roman could remember. Two weeks was far too long, and yet, not long enough.

He’d known this was coming. He’d prepared himself. He’d even rehearsed apologies, perfectly crafted to gain sympathy--and what kind of manipulative person did that? Who tried that hard for affection? He couldn’t be truly accepted, truly loved, unless they knew the truth about Roman.

Except Roman couldn’t bear to let his walls down. He couldn’t bear to see the looks on their faces, if they knew everything--how much he failed, how much he wasn’t who they needed, how much he felt for them.

He couldn’t even imagine apologizing without his stomach flipping.

He wondered what they would talk about. He knew how the meetings usually went, but he wondered what would fit into the format, what would make Patton wince or Virgil shift on the couch. He wondered what solution they would find. They always found a solution. Sometimes it took several hours, but they did. Roman was usually the largest obstacle.

Maybe they would solve things easier, if he wasn’t there.

Or would they? If Roman was the problem, could they really find a solution without talking to him? Would they pass judgment on him while he sat in his room, alone, or would they dance around the issue? Pretend they weren’t missing anyone? Pretend everything was fine?

Roman glanced at his closed door. Patton would be downstairs. The meeting would be starting. He could picture the way they’d tug each other into a group hug at the end, or the way Virgil curled into himself when anxious, or the cute way Logan always bit his lip when thinking--he knew them so well, but he could see a million ways for the conversation to go. There were too many blank spaces between lines. Too many ways for the story to end.

Would they knock on his door later? Tell him what happened? Tell him--tell him they’d decided, that Roman needed to leave, that he was better off on the other side of the Mindscape? That they’d made a mistake in trying to be his friend?

Roman ran his hands down his arms and pressed his fingers into his skin. Chin up. Act like a prince. He wasn’t in the mood to cry again, although if everyone was busy downstairs, he had the least odds of being heard.

He felt greasy. Maybe it was because of the clothes he’d slept in for three days, or his unshowered and unbrushed hair, or the distinct lack of vegetables in his recent diet. He’d avoided eating with the others. He’d avoided the others in general.

He had no idea what they were talking about downstairs. What was so unimportant--so important--that Roman didn’t need to attend? Perhaps they were simply nice enough to leave him be, but he could hardly believe there wouldn’t be another shoe to fall.

Something would happen. Roman just couldn’t decide on what.

Curiosity gnawed at his empty stomach.

He didn’t want to be unprepared. He should get ready, should prepare an apology, should pack his things--his room was teetering with cushions and lace, and he winced at the prospect of cleaning it out. If he knew what they were planning, if he knew who he would face, he’d be ready.

Patton would be painfully nice. Roman could talk him out of banishment if he tried--a horrible thought. An evil thought. Roman could never manipulate Patton like that, could never take advantage of his trusting nature or the guilt he was sure to feel. So he’d stay silent. He’d let Patton stumble through platitudes before saying “sorry, Roman, but you have to go.”

Roman would smile and nod. He’d let Patton hug him, if Patton wanted, if that made Patton feel better. Or maybe Patton wouldn’t touch him. He certainly hadn’t in weeks.

Roman rubbed his arms.

Logan would be painfully clinical. If Logan decided something, it was almost impossible to change his mind--see every argument Roman had with him ever. He’d share his evidence, if Roman asked, if Roman was brave enough to ask. Maybe he’d even let Roman argue a point or two. But it wouldn’t change anything. It never did.

Roman would bite back his retorts. He’d avoid saying goodbye. If he did, he’d get choked up. Crying in front of anyone would be humiliating, and Logan would be more so.

Roman swallowed.

Virgil would--he could barely imagine a scenario where Virgil would have the courage to kick him out alone. But maybe Virgil wanted to do it himself. Maybe Virgil would shuffle his feet on the carpet, hands deep in his pockets. Maybe he’d chew his lip. Roman would reassure him, calm him down, coax a relieved smile out of him--and then he’d tell Roman to leave.

It was more likely that Virgil would have backup. Maybe Logan and Virgil, since Logan always calmed Virgil down--or Patton and Logan? Patton might want that logical reassurance. Or Patton and Virgil, if they wanted to be as emotional as possible. Or all three.

Roman didn’t know. It could be any of them, and Roman wasn’t ready.

If only he knew what to expect.

Roman glanced at the door.

The hallway was quiet. Roman slid on his socks past the doors, and paused at the stairs to gather information and courage. He could hear murmured conversation below--stops and starts, sounding hesitant. How long had it been since they started? He’d forgotten to check the time. All he could make out were singular vowels. Nothing concrete.

Roman inched closer to the top of the stairs, trying to stay out of sight. If he could get to the kitchen, he’d be hidden, but how could he get past--

Oh. Roman almost laughed at his stupidity. The next second, he appeared in the kitchen.

To avoid being spotted, he’d decided to sit on the floor, leaning against the counter. The kitchen tiles were cold under his feet. He wrapped his arms around his chest. With bated breath, he waited, but nobody entered the kitchen. Nobody said his name. The living room was silent.

Roman let out a long breath. He was already regretting this. What prince eavesdropped on his companions? If he was caught, he’d get an earful. Or worse--a disappointed look from Patton. Roman shuddered at the thought. Patton was exceedingly good at the disappointed look.

He didn’t want to move, or he might alert them. That was enough of an excuse to stay still and listen.

“...can’t keep putting this off,” Patton was saying when Roman tuned in. “I’ve given you all time, and I get that you need it, but we can’t just glare at each other forever! We have to actually talk about this.”

“Not now,” Virgil argued. “Roman’s not even here.”

“Roman--needs space.”

“So Roman gets space, but I don’t?” Virgil didn’t sound angry, at least to Roman. He just sounded upset. “How’s that fair?”

“You agreed to be here,” Patton said, with patience. “If you want to leave at any time, you can--”

“Cool--”

“But I think it would be a good idea for you to stay. If you want.”

“This is highly confusing,” Logan said. Roman tried not to overanalyze the entire situation, but Logan’s voice was clipped, strained in the wrong ways.

“Look,” Patton said with a sigh, “I’m trying to find a compromise. This isn’t easy and I’m pretty sure I’m messing some part of it up, but even an imperfect conversation is still a conversation. And we need one of those, guys. We really do.”

Roman heard the sound of a zipper. Virgil was probably pulling at the zippers on his sleeves.

“You’re doing fine,” Logan said. Reassuring and reluctant and quiet.

“Thanks,” Patton said. Reluctant and quiet.

“What now?” Virgil asked. Quiet.

It was just quiet for a long time, long enough for Roman’s knees to start aching. He didn’t move. He didn’t want to break the silence.

“I’m sorry,” Patton said.

Both Logan and Virgil started to say something, but their words jumbled together and they both went quiet.

“I’ve messed up a lot,” Patton continued, chuckling a bit. “Gosh, it’s been a lot. And that’s hurt you guys, and I’m sorry. So--maybe I’m going about this all wrong. I know you don’t really want to be here, but...I want to listen to you more. All of you. I’d like to hear what you have to say.”

Virgil mumbled something that Roman didn’t catch. It must have been something self-deprecating, because Patton clucked at him, and Logan murmured something back.

“So I’m giving you the floor. Even though it’s Thomas’.” Patton chuckled more at his own joke. Roman caught a snicker from Virgil as well. “Just...say what’s on your mind, okay?”

Another long moment of silence.

“Uh, who goes first?” Virgil asked. “Do we like, pick straws, or--”

“You can go first,” Logan said quickly.

“Dude! Don’t feed me to the wolves!”

“No wolves,” Patton reassured them. “You can go in any order you want.”

Virgil huffed. “Shouldn’t Princey be here?”

“If Roman doesn’t want to be here, we can’t make him,” Logan said with a touch of irritation. “I’d rather have a calm conversation with three people than an argument with four.”

Roman curled a bit further into a ball on the kitchen floor.

“Jury’s still out on calm,” Virgil muttered. “Yeah. So--me?”

“You don’t have to,” Logan said.

“But go for it,” Patton added.

“Yeah. Okay.” Virgil took a deep breath. If Roman listened closely, he could hear the faint rasp of an echo in his voice. “So--the wedding, huh? That was something. That happened.”

“Yes,” Logan said, when Virgil didn’t continue. “It did happen.”

“Yeah, I--ugh.” Virgil groaned. “I don’t know where to start. What to talk about, or whatever. Don’t you guys have any specific questions?”

“Uh--” Patton made a noncommittal noise. “I don’t wanna limit you, Virge.”

“I could use some limitations right about now.”

“Alright.” Roman could picture what Patton was doing--gesturing at Virgil like he was handing over his words on a platter. “How did the wedding make you feel?”

“Bad,” Virgil said.

“Good start,” Patton encouraged. “And?”

“It was like--” Virgil sucked in a breath and let it out. “Like I didn’t want to get involved, right after, ‘cause you guys seemed pretty busy and all. I was just trying not to freak out. Logan let me in his room, which was nice--”

Logan made a small noise. Maybe of surprise.

“--and that helped, but he was also talking to you guys so I couldn’t really avoid the whole thing, and then--” Virgil paused. Roman could just make out a muttered four-seven-eight, maybe from Patton, maybe from Logan. “And it was. Not fun. I wanted to help out, Pat, you seemed so upset and I really did want to--and--and Roman was upset, and Logan was telling me he could handle it--”

“That was…” Logan paused, but Virgil didn’t say anything else. “A bit of an error on my part.”

“Not your fault you got impersonated, L.”

Patton made a small noise. “I am really sorry about that, Logan.”

“Not your fault he got impersonated, either.”

“I could have noticed,” Patton said unconvincingly. “And I did press the skip button.”

“You did,” Logan said.

Silence fell.

“Uh--is it still my turn?” Virgil asked. “Did I--am I done?”

“I don’t--” Patton sighed. “This isn’t working either, is it.”

Nobody argued with him.

“Have we ever found a conversation tactic that does work?” Logan pointed out, sounding uncharacteristically glum. “Have we ever managed to fix every problem at hand, without simultaneously exacerbating several others?”

“I don’t think so,” Virgil said.

“It was rhetorical.” Logan sighed. “My point is that we’re stuck in a loop. We do this every time, and we’ve never managed to successfully communicate the root issues.”

“We’ve gotten better,” Patton said.

“Have we?”

Quiet again. Roman was beginning to stiffen in his position, and one of his feet was falling asleep. Roman shifted it as quietly as possible. It tingled.

“And I thought I was supposed to be the pessimist,” Virgil teased. It fell flat. “Look, L, I don’t think we should scrap the whole thing just because it doesn’t fix everything flat out--”

“But there has to be something we’re missing.” Patton’s voice was determined. “Logan’s right. There’s stuff at play deep down here, and we’ve never talked about it, because--because we don’t know how to get those real answers. Because we don’t know what questions to ask. So we need answers to the questions that we don’t know need answers.”

“You lost me,” Virgil said.

“He’s saying we should try to cut to the figurative heart of the issue.” Logan paused. “I agree, in theory.”

“Oh.” Virgil paused. “Stop--lying?”

Roman gripped his knees tightly.

“Lying has a place and time,” Patton said. “But--you know, there’s a reason why I didn’t invite Janus, right? He’s a good friend and an important part of Thomas. But he’s not--you guys. You guys are different. And--and I don’t think we can have true love if our relationship isn’t based on truth.”

“True love,” Virgil repeated with a snicker. “We’re not each other’s Disney princes, Pat.”

Logan snickered too. “I’m sure Roman would disagree.”

“We love each other!” Patton protested. “I--I love you guys, at least. I love you.”

“I know,” Virgil said after a moment, his voice bittersweet. “I know, Pat. You’re a good friend.”

A very long pause.

“We ought to do something about that,” Logan said, “shouldn’t we?”

“Do something--” Virgil laughed. “What are you--”

“Patton said we ought to be honest,” Logan said. Pointedly. “I also think it would be a good idea. For both of you.”

“What?” Patton sounded confused, but it was only the sound of confusion, not the real thing. “What’s up, Lo?”

“Yeah, L,” Virgil said, both an invitation and a warning. “What are you saying?”

A brief pause. Roman pictured Logan fiddling with his glasses and almost smiled.

“I have to admit this is not my area of expertise,” Logan said, his voice quiet. “However, I think observations have painted a clear picture of the situation. Our--issues with each other are myriad, and stem from a variety of sources, but it is as Patton said. We need to be honest. I believe there’s a very clear culprit for some of our communication issues, and I think you know what it is.”

Silence. Roman’s stomach was slowly dropping to the floor. He bit his lip and tried to stop himself from sinking out. He still needed to hear what they decided--although, the more the conversation continued, the more he felt like he was intruding. Things were getting personal. This wasn’t his place.

As if he heard Roman’s thoughts, Virgil blurted out “Should we really talk about this right now? While Roman’s--”

“We can think about that later,” Logan said. “I think the three of us need to admit a few things.”

“Dunno what you’re talking about.” Patton giggled weakly. “We can’t all keep up with you and your brain, Lo.”

Logan paused for too long to be natural. He was worried. Roman wondered what worried him--he should sink out now, before things got personal, but his feet were rooted to the kitchen floor--

“We aren’t friends,” Logan said.

“Uh, dude,” Virgil began, “you might wanna--”

“We aren’t just friends.” Logan let out a breath. “You know that.”

Roman needed to go. He wasn’t meant to hear this part. His breath was already catching in his throat. How dare he ruin this moment, how dare he toss himself into a private conversation, how dare his legs refuse to move--

“What are you talking about?” Virgil’s voice was harsh. Too harsh, not only for the conversation, but for Virgil. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do,” Logan said. “You know there are other things at play, it’s foolish to deny--”

“I’m not denying anything!”

“We’re not just friends!” Logan almost yelled. “The evidence is practically a mountain--we have sleepovers every weekend! We eat breakfast together!”

“Yeah, we’re friends!” Virgil fired back. “That’s normal friend stuff!”

“We’re family,” Patton amended, the first time he’d spoken. His voice was hollow. “Besides, it’s always just been us, of course we’re different.”

“We’re different,” Logan agreed. “Virgil falls asleep on your shoulder. You give us forehead kisses. We cuddle. That isn’t platonic.”

“And what’s your evidence, wise guy?” Virgil’s voice pitched upwards. “Platonic is weird! Romantic is weird! How are you supposed to instantly tell the difference?”

“I’m simply stating that there could be something else at play!”

“You’re my only friends!” Virgil burst out. “I don’t have anything else to compare it to--it’s normal. All of it. How I feel--it’s normal.”

Logan’s voice suddenly quieted. “And how do you feel?”

“Normal,” Virgil said.

Patton still hadn’t said anything else. Roman would have peeked around to see if he was okay, if he could remember how to move, how to think.

“Normal,” Virgil repeated. “It’s--we’re friends. We love each other. It’s normal.”

Logan hummed. “You were friends with Deceit, correct?”

“Janus,” Patton said faintly. Nobody acknowledged him.

“No,” Virgil said. “Yes. Kind of. It’s complicated.”

“Would you ever be comfortable with cuddling him?”

“I hate him.”

“We’re working under the assumption that you do not.”

“Look, I--it’s complicated.” Virgil huffed. “I wouldn’t be, but that’s because I hate him, and I’ve always been way more comfortable with you guys anyway, ‘cause I don’t have to act--mean, or whatever. You guys are different than him. Always have been.”

“Different,” Logan said.

“Yeah, because I literally hate him--” Virgil groaned. “Look, L, don’t make patterns where there aren’t any. It’s fine. We’re--we’re friends.”

“Logan has a point.” Patton’s words came out in a rush, like he’d been bottling them up. “He has a point.”

Logan made a surprised noise. “I do?”

“Et tu, Brute?” Virgil’s voice softened. “You think so?”

“Janus is really nice,” Patton said. “We’ve been talking for a while now, ever since--well, everything. I’ve appreciated his support. He makes me laugh. And--and he’s not like you guys. Not just because he’s a newer friend. You’re all different.” His voice dipped. “You’ve always been different to me.”

A long, long silence. Roman couldn’t feel his legs, or his lungs, or his heart.

“This isn’t my area of expertise,” Logan said. Quietly, quietly. “I suppose there really isn’t any way to tell, objectively, what we--are to each other. All I can say is, to me, you are a lot. Not everything--I don’t believe anyone could be everything--but...more than on average. More than I’ve admitted to myself.”

“You’re kidding,” Virgil blurted out, an edge of hysterical laughter in his voice. “You’re--that’s not it, that can’t be it, you can’t--”

“Doesn’t it make sense?” Patton pleaded, his words all in a rush again. “It--it doesn’t have to, gosh, I know it doesn’t have to, but if you could give it a chance--”

“A chance?” Virgil repeated incredulously. “We’re not--we’re not--”

“I’m sorry,” Patton said. Quietly. Roman was so tired of quiet. “I’m really sorry, Virgil.”

“You’re--you’re serious.” Virgil sounded inches from a panic attack. “You’re--”

“We can all take a moment to think,” Logan suggested, sounding inches from his own. “We can--we can take time to process, it’s fine, we don’t have to work this out right now--we can forget this ever happened--”

“It’ll be okay,” Patton said. Maybe to Virgil. Maybe to Logan. Maybe to himself. “We’ll handle this. We always do.”

“You’re--” Virgil’s voice broke. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Virge,” Patton said. Quietly, quietly, too quietly for Roman to sneak away. “You’re the coolest emo around.”

“No.” Virgil’s voice pitched frantic again. “No, no--I love you guys, don’t I? I--you’ve always been there for me, and you always looked after me, and Logan always calms me down and Pat, you always make me smile, and--”

“You don’t have to do this,” Logan murmured. “I understand that I miscalculated, you don’t need to--”

“No!” Virgil might have laughed. Or sobbed, it was hard to tell. “No, L, you genius, you got it exactly right.”

Roman swallowed and realized his mouth was dry.

“I love you!” Virgil said, triumphantly, like he’d solved everything. Like everything made sense. Maybe it did. “I love you, I love you so much--what am I even saying, this is so stupid--I love you, I was an idiot, I didn’t--”

“I--” Patton laughed breathlessly. “Virgil--”

“Do you--” Virgil’s voice dipped. “Do you--”

“I love you too,” Patton said, as if it was the first time he’d ever said it. Maybe it was.

“I--” Logan coughed awkwardly. “Not to seem obtuse, but can we clarify if--”

“If you’re included in the ‘you’?” Virgil laughed. “L, obviously, it wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“Ah.” Was Logan blushing? He sounded like it. Roman would be ecstatic to witness a flustered Logan, if he was not currently frozen and terrified. “That--ah. I...likewise, I hold an amount of affection towards you that is commonly considered romantic. So to speak.”

“Aww!” Patton cooed. “Really?”

“Yes, really!” Logan said. “I think we’ve established that we all love each other! I think that’s clear!”

“Always has been, I’m just an idiot.” Was Virgil smiling? He sounded like it. Oh, if only Roman was able to appreciate it. “Y’know, it’s been...an understood thing.”

“Yeah,” Patton said. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

Silence.

“This doesn’t solve anything,” Logan said, as if he was obligated to point out the flaws. As if he couldn’t let himself enjoy the moment yet. “We still have much to discuss, not least--”

“I know, I know.” Patton was smiling, Roman could hear it, and it made Roman’s chest hurt. “But it’ll help, that we were honest--and aren’t you guys happy? That we can--”

“Do what?” Virgil asked, when Patton petered out.

“Be...together,” Patton finished. “If you want.”

Roman’s stomach twisted in Celtic knots. He shook his foot, almost hoping that they’d hear him and stop talking--and then he could distract them, remind them of him and why they’d started this meeting in the first place, ruin their moment like always--

“I’d like that,” Logan said.

“Yeah,” Virgil said. “Me too.”

And then it was entirely the wrong kind of quiet. A movement or two, then quiet--and Roman could come to all sorts of conclusions, imagine them clearly in his head, but he settled on the obvious one. He cursed his mind for supplying him with a clear mental picture. Oh, so he couldn’t think of a video idea in a week, but now his imagination worked?

The quiet stretched on longer. Too long. Too long and Roman was itching at the seams, thumbing at his sash, regretting ever stepping foot out of his room.

But it was fine. It was fine. He’d just leave now.

If they were doing what he thought they were, they probably wouldn’t notice.

Roman steeled himself, pushed himself onto his knees, and stood up. As quickly as possible. Raise his hand. Teleport. It was easy--like reaching out and plucking a string, tensing a muscle, lighting a fire. A flourish of the hand, and the kitchen slipped out of reach, and he didn’t want to see the others, but he did--Patton beaming, and Virgil covering his smile with his hand, and Logan tilting his head forward and then Roman closed his eyes because he didn’t want to see, he didn’t--

But, well, he could imagine.

His room was empty. When he flopped into the same position he’d started the day in, and covered his head with his blanket, he could almost pretend he hadn’t left. That he’d dreamed the whole thing. That they weren’t downstairs, right now, holding hands, cupping cheeks and--

Roman yelled something inaudible into his pillow.

He should be happy for them. He should be happy--and he was! He was happy for them. They deserved each other. They were his best friends--his friends--his--

They were...something, that was for sure.

They deserved each other.

Roman should be happy.

It would be good for the family, now that they were no longer on bad terms. Roman couldn’t count the number of awkward glances they’d had over the years. Maybe this had finally helped to clear the air. That was one excuse to be happy for them.

Roman thrived off romance. He could hardly turn down the opportunity to support such a cute couple, especially when they were so adorably awkward in their confessions. That was another excuse to be happy for them.

It would take the pressure off him. They seemed to have entirely forgotten their meeting’s goal, which included deciding whether Roman deserved to stay. Maybe they’d keep forgetting. Maybe the beauty of love would soften their hearts towards him, and Roman could scrape by on table scraps and glancing smiles, surviving on the edges once again. They’d tolerate him. They’d forget he existed, because they’d be enamored with each other, exactly as they deserved.

That was another excuse to be happy.

And they wanted this. They’d clearly pined for so long, and now they had what they wanted, they had each other--Roman was thrilled for them, ecstatic, over the moon. It felt right, somehow, to see them all together. The perfect fairytale ending. If this was their happy ending, who was Roman to stand in their way?

Did he want to be more of a villain?

No. He couldn’t ruin yet another perfect thing. He just had to suck it up and be chivalrous. He wasn’t their hero, wasn’t their friend, wasn’t their--wasn’t theirs. He was nothing but a fourth wheel.

We love you.

Right.

Roman pressed his hands to his eyes to stop the tears. There was no reason to cry. This was fine. He should be happy. He’d faked happy for years and years, why was this what he couldn’t handle? What had he expected? He didn’t get a consolation prize after what he’d done. He didn’t rescue the dashing princes. He hadn’t earned his happy ending, and now he was alone in his room, while the three most important people in his life found solace in each other.

And it was fine.

They were happy.

So Roman would be happy, too. Roman would be everything they needed him to be. Roman would make the most of this, and he would be a good friend and a good person, even if it killed him. No bitterness. No jealousy. No longing for something he knew he didn’t deserve.

No excuses.

They were in love. They were happy. And that was enough.

If Roman truly loved them, he would let that be enough.

But, well, Roman didn’t truly do much of anything. And he spent most of the day in a pile on his pillows, ignoring the knocks on his door, and getting absolutely nothing done. He was out of ideas and out of passion. Whenever he closed his eyes, all he could imagine was being shoved out his door, and the soft look in his best friends’ eyes as they kissed each other on the living room couch.

But it was fine, Roman was fine, and everything was fine.

Princes didn’t complain. Princes moved on. Princes were gracious and helpful in the face of true love.

Princes got true love.

Roman wasn’t much of a prince, though. And it was fine. He was fine.

Everything was so incredibly fine.

When Roman finally fell asleep, his last thought was worry--that he’d summoned Janus with all his lying. But Janus didn’t appear. It was just Roman, slipping into dreams on his rumpled quilt, glad of an excuse to stop thinking.

First. Next. Masterlist.

General taglist:

@the17thmeatball

@most-likely-fandom

@csi-baker-street-babes

@caffeinated-cryptid

@thefivecalls

@ollyollyoxinfree

@the-gay-is-back

@dramaticsnakes

@stoicpanther

@chaospersonified

@thatoneloudowl

@jungle321jungle

@mistythegenderqueermess

@k1ngtok1

@joylessnightsky

@elizabutgayer

@ohheavenlylord

@enby-ralsei

@remy-the-lemon-berry

@drarrymalecsolangelo

@riptide-123

@fander-fic-recs

@multi-fandoms-posts

Taglist from @the-taglist-repository:

@katelynn-a-fan  @dwbh888 @royal-stormcloud @awkwardjester @smileyzs @robinwritesshitposts @thatgaydemigodnerd @callboxkat @potatsanderssides @idont-freaking-know​ @nonasficcollection @supernovainthenightsky @evoodo123  @hekking-happy-nonsense @cottonwoolsocks @aceawkwardunicorn @somehow-i-got-an-account @grouptalekindnesssoul @the-hoely-bleach @anvil527up @fanficloverinthesun @brain-deadx0 @the-grounded-raven @a-fandom-trashdump @demoniccheese83

Ask to be included (on a specific taglist for this fic, or my general one)!

#roman sanders #sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders angst #lamp #romantic lamp #averywrites #a conversation i overheard #if i don't update all the links/masterlists/everything before i go to bed #shhhh u didnt see that #i'll organize it all in the morning i promise djbhgsfshsj

[synstoria]

My tikok experimentation

TW: marketing, bad jokes 😅

So, I am doing a lot of marketing research even if I don’t really like it; I think it’s important to do. I read many articles talking about how tiktok algorithm was favorable to game dev because it shows more easily content they are not following to people.

I tried my hand at it once:

And it took me waaaaaay too much time to do, because I am not used to video editing, not used to tiktok app AND perfectionist. Like, I wanted to make a video that matches the beats of the music, but it’s not a thing at all in tiktok videos. Unless the music is meant to have a shift at a particular point, people usually just slap a music on a video and that’s all. I also wanted to make clean screenshot, but the trend is to just film your computer screen with your phone. My perfectionnist side CAN’T do that.

Finally, Tiktok is all about trends, so you actually have to consume a lot of tiktok vids to know which music and which kind of « memes » are trendy, which seems really time consuming, and I am already sooo busy…

At this point, I decided it was not for me and gave up.

Later, I found yet another video about how tiktok was an incredible marketing tool, naming an account « DarkDeityGame » with a SRPG kind of game with practically no animation but a lot of sprites, so I gave it some more thinking. (Fun fact, I couldn’t find back the account, until I understand they renamed it and now the dev practically only do face cam videos.)

So a month ago, I gave it another shot; I wanted to conduct a brief experiment, so I decided to NOT publish the video on my other social media account so I would really gauge the magical algorithm. I found someone very nice specialising on videos creation (especially tiktok ones) and she was very professional. She took the time to listen to all my thought about the game and community private joke to get ideas of funny vids.

Anyway, confident in this person I commissioned her to create 8 videos for me and do some hashtag research. She created silly vids with trendy music. A friend of mine spending a lot of time on tiktok told me the vibe was here even if it was a little too static because it’s just sprite.

For example:

Or more contemplative ones:

I posted the video, with the hashtags and stuff, and I got… 3 view. Basically, only the people who were following me from the first video liked it, and same goes for every video I posted afterward except one.

The only vid who got more than a couple of views, reach around 100 view, it was a "art process" one; I did following one Arimia’s article.

Being not an artist myself, and having an incredible artist but who doesn’t share many WIP it’s not something I can do often.

Overall this experiment was a complete failure and waste of money. 😅

I hope at least it can help some people not doing the same mistakes, so here I some insight about the whole thing.

Why this experiment might have performed so poorly:

As I said, I didn’t share the videos anywhere else for the purpose of the experiment, so they didn’t get any initial view boost.

It’s possible my account performed worse than excepted because I posted a video and then went afk for a few months before posting again. Some people suggest I might have been shadowban while other says tiktok gives another chance when an account rise from the dead. Some other people also said if you delete an account and recreate one just after you might get shadowban aswell.

Like any social media, there is time it’s better to post your content, problem is you can’t schedule the moment they will be posted* and I don’t want to become a slave of tiktok by putting alarms on my phone to post a video (+I am not in the USA time zone, so sometimes it’s at crazy hour for me.)

*You actually can schedule videos on tiktok :

- By having a « business account » but then you have to use the computer app who is very poor AND you can’t use most of the musics on tiktok. Since the videos were already created with trendy music when I noticed, I couldn’t use it.

- By using other apps to do it for you, but a lot of users say you might get shadowban because your videos are posted by a bot.

To avoid being « shadowban » or considered like a bot, it’s apparently better you take the time to interact with others content before and after you post the video, but I had no time to do that, and there was actually not much videos on things that do interest me.

My two cent about the whole thing, and what you can do if you still want to try it out.

I was still impressed that out of nowhere, I could get 100 views on one of the vid without sharing the videos in anyway. If the algorithm is not as magical I thought, there is definitely something to exploit.

Visual novel just lack of movement to be used for tiktok, I think the best and easiest way is to go toward art creation process.

Humor seems to work a lot in tiktok but for reason A, if you want to make jokes, you probably have to use your voice and show your face like the amazing community manager of Among us for example.

Trend are really powerful. I was a bit salty to see on the visual novel tag a lot of vid performing extremely well... while just being someone filming their screen scrolling to show the VN they did in google slide. 😓

Forget everything I say, tiktok is impredictable, just film your screen doing stuff, and you might go viral after all :p

#marketing

[fu-yao]

#showyourprocess

From planning to posting, share your process for making creative content!

To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.

RULES — When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!

Thank you so much for tagging me @lan-xichens​, I’ll try my best to explain how I made this set from start to finish hehe ♡ and also a big thank you to @suibianjie​ @highwarlockkareena​ @nyx4​ @aheartfullofjolllly​ and you as well Kris for putting this all together! Content creators get a lot less recognition than they deserve for all the time they put into their content, so getting everyone to see the (sometimes excessive) process we all go through to put our content in our blog, I hope it creates a positive change!! 💖

1. Planning

The set in question was actually requested by someone so they could celebrate their friend’s birthday! At first I wasn’t entirely sure if I was going to be able to finish it on time (college is very hectic right now) but I was able to finish it three days before the deadline which was may 1st! ^-^

The first thing I did was decide what characters I wanted to use in the set, I first reached out to the person who requested the set if there were certain characters they wanted me to use but they said they didn’t know enough to really give me any directives outside of the quote. I decided, since the quote is applicable to the entirety of the show, that I would try to put in as many characters as possible.

Thus, of course, came the hunting for scenes. Those of you in the net discord surely know I came into the content help channel a few times to ask for certain scenes here and there, and eventually I had to download an additional 10 episodes to the back then 20 or so episodes I had in my CQL episodes folder.

As you can see I have 30 random episodes of CQL downloaded (slowly but surely getting to the point where I have all 50 episodes downloaded) and I think I ended up using scenes out of at least 20 of those episodes.

I planned out beforehand what characters I would use per gif. I knew obviously I would start out with Wangxian, them being the main characters of the show, and then would work my way down the list. The second gif consists of Nie Huaisang, Nie Mingjue, Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning. They’re all family pairings, two being siblings and one being a married couple. The next gifset consists of the Yi City characters, then the fourth gif consists of the juniors, and the final gif has Jin Guangyao, Mianmian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Xichen in it.

I have to admit though that when I had made the first four gifs I’d forgotten who I would put in the last gif and the when I thought about it the first time around I could only think of Lan Qiren and the very cursed Yaoyang ship 😭 it was only at dinner time that same day that I remembered I hadn’t put Jiang Cheng in my gifset yet and that’s when I thought of the other characters as well.

I had already made my first two gifs when I went to check Hanyi’s blog for layout inspo and eventually I decided I wanted to try a triangle-ish layout, which I doodled below. I eventually ended up changing the layout of the last gif in the final design. It was also the first time I would work with a triangle-ish layout so I was a bit nervous as I was scared it wasn’t going to work out...

2. Creating

I use Avisynth 2.5 and Adobe Photoshop 2021 (the paid version, unfortunately, I need it for school except I didn’t need it this year but I wanted it so I paid for it with my own money ouch) to make my gifsets! I always start out with trimming down all the scenes I’m going to use into three to five second videos and putting them through Avisynth. This time around I did it separately for each gif I made, simply because I needed so many scenes. I would include a screenshot of my “gif vids” and “temp” folders but I’ve already deleted all the videos, which is what I usually do immediately after a set is posted.

I’ll try my best explaining this gif by gif since each one had a different layout!

2.1 Wangxian

I think I had up to five different designs of this gif 😭 it started out with the gif on the left originally being more centered and the quote right smack in the center but somehow it felt a bit too... empty? I changed up the design and pulled the gif over to the right and put the two closeups on the left, the exact opposite of the gif I eventually ended up with. I switched things around one more time and saved the gif as you can see it right now, except I didn’t include the lines yet. It was only as I finished up my fourth gif that I decided this gif needed lines as well so I added them ^-^

2.2 Nie Huaisang, Nie Mingjue, Jin Zixuan, Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning

I got the inspiration for the font layout on this gif from this Wenzhou post! I hadn’t tried it before and when I did for this gif I was very happy with the way it turned out :D I wanted to portray that life is a pile of good and bad things, as the quote says, in CQL by mirroring these happy scenes side by side with the sad scenes

2.3 Yi CIty

My first time working with the triangle layout!! Putting in the lines and making sure they would line up with the second gif took me the longest of all actually  😭 I think once I got the line on the left in I just copy pasted it and flipped it horizontally so I didn’t have to fiddle around with angling it anymore :’) my original idea was to get a happy Song Lan scene and a sad A-Qing scene, but when I stumbled upon this A-Qing scene in ep38 I just had to put it in there because her smile is so precious 🥺 Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen in the center are also supposed to be mirrored, with Xue Yang embodying the “bad things” and Xiao Xingchen the “good things” ! I also think the Yi City characters fit this part of the quote very well!!

2.4 The Juniors

Ah yes, the junior quartet!! :D I had this planned out from the very beginning, that I would include happy versus sad juniors in the “vice versa” part of the quote, and I think it worked out quite well! My first idea was to put the “vice versa” completely in the special font and have it typed out over the gifs like I did with the “vice” but as I typed out the “versa” I realized it had one letter too much to be able to do that 😭😭 it took me a while to come up with how I would position the “but” and “versa” and after some moving around I decided to just place them the way I did in the final gif! For the font, I duplicated the “vice” and added a stroke to the duplicate, then I changed the fill setting to 0% so I could slightly drag the duplicate away from the original layer to create the effect that’s in the gif — also, finding a scene in which Jin Ling smiles is really difficult.... he barely even smiles in the scene I ended up using :(

2.5 Jin Guangyao, Mianmian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Xichen

The final gif!! I feel like this might come a little across as “I promise I didn’t forget these characters” because they’re a very odd quadruplet to put together, but they were the most important characters left to put in the set! I was thinking of putting Nie Mingjue in here together with Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen, but I did feel he fit more with his brother up in the second gif. Mei @mylastbraincql​ cheered me on making this gif for which I was very grateful :D <3 the layout came to be after I googled “how to evenly split a rectangle in four” because I didn’t want a repeat layout in the set  (*/∇＼*)

2.6 Coloring

For the coloring I pretty much did all of the tweaking on the first gif and then copy pasted all of it onto the second, third, fourth, and fifth gif. This is usually the way I go about my coloring, I will always edit certain gifs if necessary but I don’t think I had to change the coloring much on any of these gifs? Maybe I added in a curve layer here and there, but nothing major! This is really one of my preferred coloring styles, even though I try to step outside of my comfort zones with other sets ^-^

3. Posting

I will always upload sets into my drafts and edit the caption in there as well, clicking on “preview post” a couple times to check everything looks good on my blog as well, before I post a set. However, this time, since there was a deadline and I finished before the deadline, I put this set in the queue so it would automatically post on the 1st of may! Knowing myself, I would’ve forgotten to do so </3

Whew that was... a lot 😭 did it make any sense? Probably not, but it was fun to ramble （ ´∀｀）

I’ll tag

@blinkplnk​ with this set !

@wuxien​ with this set !

@wendashanren​ with this set !

@wanyinxichen​ with this set !

@yibobibo​ with this set !

@mylastbraincql​ with this set !

@sugarbabywenkexing​ with this set !

@yiling-recesses​ with this set !

@jiancheng​ with this set !

Please feel totally free to ignore this if you’ve already been tagged and don’t want to do it again!! <3

#showyourprocess #tag game #this got so long i'm sorry ;-; #very curious to see everyone else's processes!! #thank you for the tag kris <3