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taestefully-in-luv · 3 years

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Always You | JJK (Nine-pt1) (Final)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 13.6k

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (!!!), mentions of sex, protected sex, jealous!oc, sensual touching, dry humping, oral (female rec.) face riding

Notes: The end is finally here! But no worries I will most likely do drabbles for you guys:) Thank you SO much for reading this story and sending so many loving comments. Enjoy this last chapter of ‘Always You’ and feel free to send me an ask to chat about the story, I LOVE talking with ya’ll!

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @hsneptune @betysotelo18 @aclowe13 @bishuthot @271101 @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @bunnyjeonjk @surfacesanity @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch @not-your-lion @flowersgirl02 @justinetingball @fiantomartell @fairysunooo @taebae19 @hardcarrykookie @fancycollectormoon

Previous ---Next

~~~~~~~~~

December

Jungkook stares into his bathroom mirror and sees and feels nothing, absolutely nothing. He looks into his eyes and see nothing behind them. He tries to smile, but falls short. Does this have anything to do with the fact he told you he loves you but you completely misunderstood him? Yup, it probably has everything to do with that.

But Jungkook also feels like shit. He let his feelings become too overwhelming in the moment that he totally and completely forgot he has a girlfriend. So, he is almost glad that you most definitely thought he was just telling you he loves you like one normal friend to another instead of him confessing his deep and passionate feelings towards you. Yup, totally glad.

So, now he looks into the mirror and actually does see and feel something: Shame. Guilt.

And regret. Regret is written all over his face. Not regret because he told you he loves you, no. Regret that he didn’t tell you 4 years ago how he feels. Even if you didn’t feel the same he thinks he should have had the courage, instead he slept with you like a fucking idiot. But that is something he can’t get himself to regret at all…he just can’t regret that amazing night he shared with you.

“Bro! You have been in there for like ever dude, I gotta take a piss!” Jungkook hears Nick from the other side of the door, his insistent banging going completely ignored by Jungkook.

“Seriously man, I will pee in the fucking sink!” Nick threatens and Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah man, I’m coming.” He looks into the mirror one last time before taking one deep breath and turning towards the bathroom door.

“Bathroom’s all yours.” Jungkook says as he opens the door with Nick already pushing past him.

“Fucking finally!” Nick doesn’t even bother to shut the door behind him as he quickly approaches the toilet to release himself.

Jungkook walks into his room and pulls out his phone as he sits on the edge of his bed. He goes through his message threads, his fingers hovering over your name when he gets to you.

It’s been a few weeks since the trip to your parent’s house. He had such an amazing time. That Saturday your mom cooked one of her famous homemade meals…something Jungkook hasn’t really had in years. Your dad would casually slip in the word ‘son’ in conversation, making Jungkook’s heart glow. You laughed and talked and cried and just looked so at home the entire time, like all your worries were vanishing.

He knows you’re struggling with what to do…but going abroad? Were you serious? You mentioned it to your parents too while there visiting and they loved the idea…making Jungkook’s heart sink. They just encouraged you more while you were there…telling you it was such a fun, and great idea and that it totally suits you. This only made you feel more motivated…Jungkook could see that.

Jungkook wants nothing but the best for you…he just wants you to be happy. Your happiness is his happiness but how could he survive if you left? How could he go a day without seeing you? Or worse…a week? A month? A whole fucking year? He went three months without you and he spiraled pretty bad.

Jungkook continues to sit here, his fingers right over your name and he clicks it.

Jungkook 8:14pm

I have a cold beer with your name on it

y/n 8:21pm

:( I cant hang tonight, sorry boo…im hanging with yoongs and tae. You can come by if youd like to?

Jungkook 8:22pm

No no its okay, you have fun :))

Jungkook brings his phone to his chest, right over his beating heart and he sighs out in frustration. Why can’t everything just be easy? Why is everything so complicated?

~~~~~~~

“And I will be the youngest curator they’ve ever had at this museum!” Tae finishes proudly, cheering his wine glass with yours and Yoongi’s.

“That’s so amazing Tae.” You bring your glass back to your mouth and take a gulp in his honor.

“Proud of you, kid.” Yoongi smiles fondly at Taehyung and you can’t help but also feel very proud. Taehyung got offered the main curator position at the museum of art downtown and you three are at the record shops cozy corner celebrating.

“Anything else new going on?” Taehyung asks, he eyes both you and Yoongi. “Like, any new love interests? Job offers? Juicy drama? Literally anything.”

“Nothing from me.” You laugh, you and Taehyung look over at Yoongi who is sipping his wine with the biggest blush painted on his cheeks.

“Yoongi?” you pry. “Did something new happen with you?”

“Well…I wouldn’t really call it news.” He begins shyly, “But I maybe met someone.”

You and Taehyung share a look of shock and excitement.

“Wait dude, you mean like a romantic interest?” Taehyung asks, setting his glass down on the table.

“Yeah, like you have a crush on someone?” You smile at Yoongi and his blush deepens.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he admits, “But they’re really nice and have been coming in the store every week and we sort of just end up talking…and they asked for my number—”

“This is definitely a romantic interest!” Taehyung basically shouts. “Did you give it?”

“Yes…” Yoongi takes another sip of his wine, his eyes sliding to the side. “Did I mention they’re cute?”

“You in fact, did not mention that.” You say with a grin. “I’m happy for you Yoongs.”

“I think I’ll ask them out, what do you guys think?” Yoongi whispers.

“I think that’s a great idea man!” Taehyung basically shouts again and you laugh.

“I think I really admire you for going for it…” You sigh. You wish you had that kind of courage.

“You know…” Yoongi sets his wine glass down, and turns in his seat to face you, “It takes a lot of bravery to open up to someone…it takes a lot of strength to admit when you’re wrong and to admit when things aren’t going right. It takes real courage to open your heart to someone like, romantically. You’re like, the coolest human being in the world if you can do those things.” Yoongi folds his hands out in front of him, he bites his lip as he thinks.

“y/n…you don’t have to be some sort of super human.”

You tilt your head in confusion…you thought Yoongi was going to a place where he tells you to go for it too.

“You shouldn’t always be the one doing things. Others need to form the courage too. You’re worth it. You’re worth that risk…that you may not feel the same. Trust me, I would know.” He chuckles light heartedly. “I think he will come around.”

“I don’t know about that.” Taehyung cuts in. “I want to believe he will but…” Taehyung looks over at you with pity. “…He’s…” Taehyung doesn’t know what to say without spilling anything so he decides to let the words die on his tongue.

“To be honest with you guys…” You reach for your glass of wine and chug back the remainder of what’s in the glass rather quickly before slamming it back down on the table.

“New Year’s Eve.” You say. “Four years ago. Something happened. Something major, he…”

“Four years ago, New Year’s Eve?” Taehyung scrunches his brows together as he tilts his head. “Wait something happened between you two?” you only nod your head at Taehyung’s question.

“Did Jungkook say what he wanted to say?” Taehyung asks with big eyes, completely shocked, this is news to him. But now it’s your turn to tilt your head in confusion.

“Say what he wants to say? What are you talking about?”

“Huh? Uh,” Taehyung guesses it’s not what he’s thinking. “It’s nothing. So what happened?”

“We slept together.” You blurt out quickly, giving yourself no time to regret it.

You hear Yoongi chuckle from beside you and you snap your head in his direction.

“What? What’s so funny?” you ask.

“You thought I didn’t already assume that? That you two haven’t already slept together?”

“Damn,” you say, “Observant as usual.”

“WAIT WHAT?” Taehyung sputters out, quite fucking loudly.

You guess Taehyung isn’t as observant.

“We got kind of drunk, kissed at midnight and went back to his dorm and you know…”

Realization hits Taehyung hard. When Jungkook was pissed about the fact Taehyung slept with you it wasn’t just because he was some heroic friend. It was also because Jungkook has already had you and he knows he doesn’t like to share. Fuck.

“Holy fuck, y/n.” Taehyung closes his eyes for a moment, “Wait, and you guys didn’t talk about it after? Didn’t he have something to tell you perhaps?”

“What are you talking about? He totally brushed it off. So I got bitter and didn’t talk to him for a month. Now we just…I don’t know, we just…I feel like we are more than friends but less than lovers.”

“Makes total sense.” Yoongi adds, “You two are that but more than anything you two are complete and total idiots.” “Well, that we can agree on.” Taehyung grins.

~~~~~~

It’s the middle of December meaning it’s time to do your Christmas shopping! You, Trina and Holly are at the mall perusing around and trying to find the perfect gifts.

“Let’s do what we always do y/n.” Trina bumps her elbow into your side, with a smile on her face.

“Couldn’t agree more.” You respond.

“And what do you two always do?” Holly asks, feeling a little left out.

“Oh you know, we agree to no presents.” You say, “One less person to stress over, that’s our gift to each other.”

“Wow.” Holly deadpans, “You guys are so lame.”

“Or are we geniuses?” Trina asks with a grin, she walks closer to Holly and links arms with her, “But don’t worry Hol, I am getting you something.”

“Good.” Holly says, a shy smile making its way on her face.

“Me too!” you say trying to include yourself. “What would you like anyway? Just show me and I’ll buy it for you!”

“That takes out all the fun in gift giving.” Holly pouts, “It’s supposed to be a surprise!”

“Ah, fuck.” Trina spits out, “I suck at gift giving. Just tell us what you want.” She whines.

“No!” Holly laughs. “Look, I’ll be back.” She gestures towards her left, “I gotta use the bathroom.” She waves at you and Trina and walks away.

“Dude what am I going to get Holly?” Trina asks you, her frustration as clear as day. “It’s got to be special.” She adds in shyly. Special? Now’s your time to finally ask her what is up with her and Holly.

“Why special?”

“Oh you know.” Trina’s sheepish grin gives her away. “I don’t got to say it, when you know.”

“Fair enough.” You laugh. “Oh!” you point towards the window of one of the stores to your right, “You see those mugs? Let’s go check them out.”

“What why?”

“Christmas gift.” You say simply.

You both walk towards the glass window and eye the mugs, there’s a whole bunch but there’s a mug with music notes all over it and you’re reminded of the record shop and your two friends. You walk inside and grab three of them. Yes, three matching mugs for you, Yoongi and Taehyung. Even though Taehyung doesn’t drink coffee, he can still put whatever beverage he wants inside.

You pay for the mugs and have them wrapped in Christmas paper! You got some of your first gifts done with! Now you need to find something for Jimin, Jungkook, Holly and your parents. Crap, should you get something for the rest of the boys too? You’ll be seeing them on New year’s…maybe you’ll get them all scarves. That’s easy.

Jimin is easy, you know he’s been eyeing this channel necklace for far too long and you happen to be able to afford it for him. Jungkook isn’t easy at all. So you go with something simple, a new pair of chunky black boots that he’s been talking about for months. Your mom gets a necklace with her birth flower and your dad gets tickets to his favorite sports team…cheap tickets, sorry to your dad. Holly loves penguins so you find a cute penguin pin for her purse, you think she will love it.

Shopping takes almost the whole day, you, Trina and Holly are seated in the malls food court sipping on a smoothie.

“I am so freaking tired.” Holly leans her head on Trina’s shoulder as she speaks.

“Me too, girl, me too.” You respond. “But Christmas is soon!”

“Are you guys excited about going home?” you ask.

“Yeah, my parents promised they would take me ice skating like when I was a kid.” Trina chuckles.

“I’m excited too! What about you y/n?” Holly lifts her head from Trina. “What are you doing for Christmas?”

“Going home, of course. I’m bringing Jungkook with me.” You admit with a soft smile, “My mom and dad love him, they practically beg me every week on the phone that I bring him.”

“You guys are such a couple.” Trina rolls her eyes playfully.

“We’re best friends! He doesn’t have parents to spend it with so he’s coming with me, is that such a crime?” you say lightly.

“No, no. Of course not.” Trina rolls her eyes again. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you guys get together during your trip.”

“Need I remind you he has a girlfriend?”

~~~~~~~~

Jungkook slides his dick in and out of Vanessa as she clenches around him, he holds her body up as he fucks her from behind. He’s been at it for a while but…

“I’m going to come!” She moans out, “Please tell me you’re close!”

“I—I” Jungkook tries fucking her faster and harder as she comes undone. But Jungkook is still trying, he’s fucking struggling. He screws his eyes shut and thrusts into Vanessa at a fast and hard rate but nothing is working.

“Sorry…sorry.” Jungkook begins to slow down, “I can’t. I just can’t” He admits, totally defeated. He’s tired. He eventually comes to a stop, and pulls out.

“I’m sorry Vanessa.” He says quietly, “It’s not you, I promise.” His voice is hoarse.

Vanessa stands and walks to the bathroom to clean herself up, when she returns she sees Jungkook sitting on the edge of the bed with his pants back on.

“It’s okay, Jungkookie.” Vanessa’s smooth voice doesn’t waver as she speaks, “It happens.”

Jungkook runs his hands down his tired face before looking up at Vanessa, his eyes slightly watery.

“This isn’t fair for you, I should be able to fucking come.” He grits out. “At the fucking least.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“How are you so calm about this? Hm?”

Vanessa sits on the edge of the bed next to Jungkook, she breathes in and out before raising her head to speak to him.

“He wants to get back together with me, you know.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen at her words. She couldn’t be talking about her ex, could she?

“Vanessa—”

“It’s okay. I said I no. Somehow I feel okay.” She smiles at him, it isn’t one of those coy or secretive smiles she mostly hands out but a real genuine smile.

“I think I just feel good that he wants me again but now I have the upper hand, you know? I’m the one with power.”

“You told him no?”

“And not even because I am supposed to be your girlfriend…but because I decided I need to respect myself. You’re right…what I was doing…it wasn’t healthy.” She admits, she shakes her head to rid herself of her bangs that keep falling in her eyes.

“I…I’m proud of you.”

“I want to be proud of you too.” She whispers.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” she says quietly, “You’ll see eventually.”

“What does that me—”

“Let’s take a small break.” Vanessa tilts her head to get a quick look at him, “Just until New Year’s.”

“Vanessa—”

“We just need some time to like, miss each other? You know?”

Jungkook shakes his head, “You mean, break up?”

“Just a break. But technically yes, we aren’t together in the meantime.”

“Why?” Jungkook stands up, “We can make this work Vanessa.”

“Please stop.” Vanessa says more sternly. “It’s what I want. Just until New Year’s.”

Jungkook paces back and forth with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. He doesn’t understand why she wants this? Because he couldn’t come? All because of that? He stops pacing to stare at her and she’s already looking up at him with a sickingly sweet smile.

“Fine.” He says. “If that’s—that’s what you want.” He clears his throat and tries smiling for her, she all but nods her head.

~~~~~~~

“You ready?” you ask Jungkook when he walks up to your car. You came to pick him up, insisting that you drive this time.

“Yeah.” Jungkook shows you his bunny grin and you melt, you love that smile of his. He sets his bag in the backseat and walks over to the passenger door and sits down inside.

“I’m excited to spend Christmas with you and your family.”

“Oh, it’s going to be a handful. You’ll be meeting my grandma, some aunts and uncles and some cousins of mine.”

“And I cannot wait.” He repeats. “Do you have my Christmas present here in the car?” he smiles cheekily, “Just give it to me now.”

“Yeah, right. You have to wait until tomorrow dummy!”

“Hey, don’t call me a dummy.” Jungkook pouts. He leans back in the passenger’s seat and closes his eyes.

“Hey, you’re not thinking of taking a nap are you?” You reverse your car out of the parking spot at his apartment.

“Maybe.” Jungkook snickers from beside you, “If you don’t want me falling asleep, tell me something interesting.”

“I think I want to work on getting a TEFL.” You blurt out, “To you know, teach.”

Jungkook’s eyes stay shut as he processes your words, he thinks to himself carefully—he can’t react negatively. He can’t.

“That’s nice, y/n.” He settles for. “You’ll like it.”

“That’s it?” you twist your head to look in his direction, he opens his eyes and stares at you for a few moments.

“Eyes on the road.” Jungkook closes his eyes again.

“Jungkook…you aren’t sad I might be moving away for like, at least a year?” You grip the steering wheel tighter, “You know I would be leaving right?”

“What do you want me to say y/n?” Jungkook opens his eyes and leans forward, “Want me to tell you no? That you aren’t allowed to leave?”

“Well…no. But you could act like you care a little.” You whisper out in pout.

“I do care.” Jungkook huffs, “But I just want you to do whatever makes you happy.”

“You make me happy.”

Jungkook quirks a brow and smiles, “So, you want to do me?”

“Gross,” you reach over and hit his arm. “You know what I mean. I just…I mean I value your opinion.”

Jungkook’s smile begins to fade as he stares at the cars floorboard. He zones out for a few moments, not entirely sure what to say. While it is true he wants you to do whatever makes you happy he also doesn’t want you to go anywhere.

“Do what’s best for you baby.” He all but whispers. “I will believe in you and support you no matter what.”

“I guess I’ll take that for now.” You whine. “How’s work going for you?”

“It’s good.” Jungkook’s eyes light up, “The director is letting me edit some pretty important scenes.” He gushes. “I brought my work stuff so I can show you over the next couple of days.”

“Yeah? That sounds exciting Jungkook!”

You finally merge on the high way for your few hour trip, you got your ‘Chillin’ playlist on and a few snacks on hand. You and Jungkook chit chat every so often but you mostly jam to the music.

“Let’s listen to Disney radio station!” You hand Jungkook your phone, “Hurry, put it.”

Jungkook takes your phone with a grin and selects the Disney option on pandora, the first song to come on is Lion King’s ‘Hakuna Matata’. You and Jungkook sing your hearts out, smiling, giggling and belting out the notes.

A couple hours pass like this, your throat getting admittedly sore. But Jungkook on the other hand is still going strong, he is singing all the parts in ‘Kiss the Girl’ with such passion…you can’t help but chuckle as you listen to him.

“Phew, I am worn out!” you say, laughing. “But I see you can keep going?” you turn the volume down.

“Oh, we can switch it up…but to answer the question you know I can keep going.” He winks. And you know he meant that innocently but you can’t help but blush.

“Right.” You hand him your phone again, “Our trip is almost over…you can just put on a playlist.”

“Are you excited to see your parents again?”

“Well, I just saw them last month…but yes.” You admit, “Being home is always nice. My parents have been bothering me for weeks making sure you are actually coming with me for Christmas.” You chuckle, “They’ll be glad to see you.”

Jungkook grabs a hold of his ears in excitement, you can tell he’s genuinely happy as he sits here and smiles that smile.

“I’m glad to see them too. And I am excited to meet more of your family.”

“There will probably be misunderstandings…but don’t worry, I will make it clear we are just friends.” You nod your head as you speak. Jungkook just shrugs in response, just fucking shrugs.

“Isn’t that your house up there on the corner?” Jungkook points forward towards the house.

“Yup.”

When you pull into the driveway your parents are making their way outside, they smile at you and you wave from inside your car. You turn it off and turn to face Jungkook.

“You ready?”

“Yes.” He grins.

You step out of your car and your mom and dad are rushing to bring you in for a hug, they hold you close and you feel yourself feeling right at home. You begin to pull away and head towards the backseat when your mom grabs your arm,

“You two can get your things later—before bed, before bed.” She guides you towards the house, “And hello, Jungkook.” She smiles widely, “So nice you are here again! Let’s go see everyone!”

“Yes mam.” Jungkook says with a small smile, he walks forward and shakes hands with your dad.

“Nice to see you again, son.”

“Yes sir, you too.”

“Stop being so formal!” you look back at him, teasing. You and your mom walk to the front door, waiting for your dad and Jungkook to catch up.

The four of you enter the house, it smells like pie and cookies and warmth and you know, like Christmas. You hear the chitter chatter of your relatives filling the house and you want to smile. You can hear your cousins gossiping in the kitchen, you hear their children playing in the backyard (The back door is open), you hear your grandma snoring on your dads recliner, while your aunt and uncle quietly talk on the other sofas. You hear what it’s like to feel at home.

“Look who is here, everyone!” Your mom announces obnoxiously. “It’s y/n and Jungkook!”

First your aunt and uncle’s attention are caught, they nod your way with smiles on their faces and you head over to the sofas to hug them each. Your grandma stays snoring on the recliner and you giggle, classic grandma.

Next, your cousins are coming in from kitchen. Three of them to be exact, Daniel and his wife Larissa and your other cousin who is your age Manny. Daniel and Larissa have 3 beautiful children who are playing in the back, you can hear their giggles from inside. Manny is much shorter than you, she’s petite and curvy and really, really pretty. You go in to hug her first, she wraps her arms around you loosely.

“y/n!” she yells excitedly, “It’s been since last Christmas right?!” she asks, still holding on to you.

“Something like that.” You giggle, “Hi Daniel, Larissa.” You go in to hug them as well.

“Guys this is Jungkook.” You finally introduce the awkward boy, he stands here swaying from side to side waiting to meet everyone. He bows his head in greeting and everyone says their hello’s. All except sleeping grandma.

“Well, hello.” Manny smiles at Jungkook, “I didn’t even see you there, which is crazy because you’re like crazy hot—”

��Okay, Manny.” You try cutting in early enough, but are a bit late.

“Oh?” Jungkook eyebrows climb to up his forehead as he looks at Manny.

“I’m Manny.” She winks, “ You must be y/n’s friend, I presume?”

“Uh…”

“y/n!!!!” Your grandma comes up to you all, her sweet perfume filling the air around you. “You’re here, sweetie.”

“Grandma!” you lean in and hug her frail body, she smells like she always has your whole entire life, sweet.

“And this must be your boyfriend, Jungkook? I have heard so much about you, dear.” Your grandmas opens her arms, signaling Jungkook to lean in and hug her—which he does.

“Actually grandma—”

“You finally have a nice boyfriend, your parents have told me all about him.” she winks, “I am so happy for you sweetie, I think I can finally rest easy.”

“Rest easy?” you question, “No grandma you are mis—”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Jungkook smiles at your grandma and she cheeses hard.

“You can call me grandma, dear.” She pats his back lovingly, “I want to hear all about you two. Shall we drink some tea together?”

“Boyfriend?” Manny asks, confused. “I didn’t know you guys started dating?”

“We aren’t—”

“Its new.” Jungkook cuts in. He slides his arm around your waist and you audibly gasp.

“What’s new?” Your mom walks up to you all.

“They’re dating.” Manny says, looking unimpressed.

“WHAT! Darling, get in here!” She calls your dad over, “Jungkook and y/n are together, together!”

“No we are—” you try cutting in but you feel Jungkook dig his fingers into your waist.

“THEY’RE TOGETHER?!” Your dad yells out, his excitement clear as day. You stand here confused as hell as your whole family starts congratulating you two.

“Wait, wait.” You try getting out but Jungkook leans in to whisper in your ear.

“We can’t disappoint grandma.” He says softly.

~~~~~~

“I met my Roy at a party too.” Your grandma says between sips, she holds her tea in front of her face as she reminisces.

“Was it love at first sight?” Your grandma asks, wiggling her brows. “Me and my Roy didn’t get together for quite some time so I don’t think it was love at first sight for us…when did you know?”

“Grandma…” you begin, “Can we talk about something else?” you beg.

“I knew only a few months later.” Jungkook admits shyly, he smiles at your grandma while bringing his tea cup to his lips. “I knew no one could take y/n’s spot. But I was content with being friends.”

Your eyes grow in size, his confession warming you up. You know it’s all for show but you can’t help what it does to you.

“I also knew after a few months.” You say quietly.

“Oh, how lovely!” Your grandma claps her hands together softly, “And now here you are! Jungkook…” Your grandma sets down her tea cup and looks over at Jungkook. “I trust you will take care of y/n no matter what, right?”

“No matter what.” He says quickly. “She takes care of me too.”

“And how does she do that?” Your grandma raises a drawn on brow.

“She is always there for me…she always tries to understand me even when I am in the wrong…she always tries to get to know me like she doesn’t already know everything,” he chuckles, “She always hugs me when I need it.” Jungkook looks at you with a soft smile, “She really loves me and I can feel it.” Then his mouth falls open and his eyes expand a little, “Do you… love me y/n? Like—”

“Okay, that’s enough about us babe,” you cut him off, “When did you get in town grandma?”

“Oh, just last night.” She mumbles, “I—”

“So,” Manny comes into the kitchen, her v neck lower than it was 20 minutes ago, you can’t help but roll your eyes. “What do you do Jungkook?” she leans down into his space, one hand squeezing his bicep as she asks her question.

“Um, I work as an editor for a film company.” His eyes shift to you and you roll your eyes again. “What about you?”

“Oh? Me? I work at a marketing firm. Was hoping to see y/n there.” She smiles at you. “But guess she didn’t apply? Maybe?”

“I didn’t get hired.” You state plainly. “But I didn’t want to work there anyway.” You grip your thigh in annoyance.

“y/n is probably too good for that company anyway.” Jungkook says, his hand reaches for yours and you relax a little bit.

“Right.” Manny nods her head exaggeratedly, “That’s got to be it…” she winks at you and you give a half ass smile.

“So Jungkook…” she finally takes a seat next to him, her hand still on his arm. “Film, huh? That’s soo cool. What do you do in your spare time?” she squeezes his bicep again, “Besides working out, of course.” She laughs.

Jungkook looks at you in panic, his eyes shifting from yours to his arm and you just roll your eyes.

“Manny.” You cut in, “How’s Luis?”

“Oh, we broke up.” She says smiling at Jungkook. “Nothing to worry about it.”

“And what’s to worry about,” you lean over and detach her fingers from Jungkook’s arm. “Hm?”

“Oh nothing.” Manny shakes her head.

“Manny, did you ever take my things out of the drier?” Your grandma speaks up, “Please put them in my room if you haven’t already.”

“Speaking of rooms.” Your mom and dad walk into the kitchen, their hands joined together.

“What?” you ask.

“Grandma is in Jungkook’s room. So Jungkook will have to stay in your room with you.” She says nonchalantly.

“Hm? Okay.” You shrug while Jungkook’s eyes widen just slightly. “Where are aunt and uncle sleeping? And Daniel and the rest? “Oh, we got a hotel.” Manny says, “Which sucks because it would have been fun to have a little slumber party.” She says in pout. You give her a tight smile and nod.

“Sure.” You get out, “Guess it’s just me and Jungkook for the slumber party.” You wink at her and Jungkook laughs as he squeezes your hand.

“Can’t wait baby.”

“Oh, you guys are gross.” Manny gags, “We get it.”

“Yeah, behave.” Your mom gives you a pointed look, “You’re still in your parent’s house.”

“Sorry, sorry. We’re just messing around.” You wave your hand, “Also, I can get your things from the drier grandma, I am going upstairs anyway to change.”

“Thank you sweetie.”

You let go of Jungkook’s hand as you stand up, he looks up at you in panic. You’re leaving him here with Manny?! He’s not stupid, this girl is clearly not caring about the whole boyfriend thing but he doesn’t want to make a scene by saying something to her.

“I’ll go with you.” Jungkook rushes to say earning strange looks from your parents. “Be—because I should bring up our bags from the car.”

“Ah, yes! That’s true, that’s true.” Your mom nods her head in agreeance, “You two go.”

Upstairs is much quieter, Jungkook thinks to himself. Just the background noise of muffled voices and occasional laughter. You two are in your childhood bedroom with both of your bags on your small bed. You are digging through your own luggage when you hear Jungkook clear his voice.

“What’s up?” you don’t look up to see him, you continue digging into your bag for some sleep shorts and a t shirt.

“This bed is tiny.” Jungkook groans, “How are we going to sleep on it?”

“I suppose one of us could make a palette on the flo—”

“—No.” Jungkook shakes his head, “I just mean, you’ll have to sleep super close to me.”

“That doesn’t bother me. Does it bother you suddenly?” you grab the small shorts from your bag and set them on the bed.

“W-What? No…” he admits shyly, his teeth on full display at he smiles at his own bag. “I was just saying.”

“Will Vanessa not like it?” you whisper as you find the t shirt. “Because—”

“Actually we—”

“—ask her?”

“No, it’s fine. Trust me.” Jungkook brings out his own change of clothes and stands here awkwardly, not knowing where to go.

“I do trust you.” You breathe out, “We can just turn around and change.” You offer, already spinning on your heels and lifting your sweater over your head. Jungkook continues to stare at you until he’s hit with realization. He quickly turns around and starts changing as well.

“You sure let Manny touch you however she pleases.” You spit out quietly. Jungkook freezes mid shirt lift, his eyes growing in panic.

“It’s not that I was letting her…I just…I didn’t know what to do…I’m sorry—”

“Yeah, I know.” You roll your eyes even though he cannot see. “I’m just—it’s my fault. Me and Manny grew up together. The boy she liked in high school liked me…and ever since then she’s always…” you wiggle into your sleep shorts, slipping the material over your ass.

“Oh, I get it.” Jungkook slips on a new t shirt, “I’m done. Are you?”

“Yeah, I am.”

You both turn around, smiling sheepishly at one another. He’s wearing black sweats with a plain white t shirt and you in your sleep shorts you always use to wear around the apartment that use to drive Jungkook wild and one of his black t shirts.

“Hey, that’s mine.” He pouts, pointing at the shirt you’re wearing.

“Mine now.” You poke your tongue out. Jungkook pretends to reach over the bed to grab your tongue which makes you laugh.

“Don’t let Manny touch you again.” You blurt out, “I don’t like it.”

Jungkook bites down on his bottom lip as he stares at you, he begins walking to the other side of the bed until he’s standing in front of you.

“Why don’t you like it?” he asks softly.

“It’s annoying to look at it.”

“It irritates you to see another girl touch me?”

“It’s irritating when that girl is my cousin.”

“Why does it matter who it is specifically?” Jungkook steps closer to you, he pushes his hands in his sweat pockets.

“I don’t want you to fuck my cousin, Jungkook. Sue me.” Your straightforwardness makes Jungkook chuckle.

“I wouldn’t fuck your cousin, y/n.”

“Yeah, because you have Vanessa.” You remind him.

“Actually we—”

“—we should head back downstairs.” You try pushing past him but he catches your wrist.

“Tell me why it irritates you so much.”

“I just don’t like it, Jungkook.” You huff.

“Are you perhaps jealous?” Jungkook lowers your wrist, but he doesn’t let go.

“Why would I be jealous?” You yank your wrist from his hold and push past him, walking towards your bedroom door. “Come on.”

You basically told him you weren’t jealous but why did it have to happen that when teams were being chosen for this game night, Jungkook and Manny would get paired together.

The universe is laughing at you. Manny is…shameless. She has no problem flirting with someone else’s man…you’re no exception. You can tell Jungkook is slightly uncomfortable and not really enjoying the attention but still, somehow you are fuming. It’s not like he’s being exceptionally nice to her, he’s just not being standoffish enough to your liking.

“Oh, Jungkook!” Manny giggles for no reason, she leans into Jungkook’s space, just laughing away while sit you here and watch. He chuckles awkwardly, his hands messing with the playing cards in front of him. You hate this view. You thought any view with Jungkook would be a nice one, but you were wrong. Watching your cousin fawn over him like this is making you angry as fuck. As it should, right? Jungkook is your boyfriend! Well—not actually. But still! As far as Manny is concerned, Jungkook is your man, and she needs to back off.

“Manny, could you maybe give my boyfriend some space.” You snap, your voice cutting in through your family’s chatter. The room quiets down and all eyes are on you.

Manny looks all around the room, red creeping on her cheeks as she sits here, embarrassed. She opens her mouth to speak when you hold up a hand to stop her. Then you use that hand to gesture towards their bodies,

“He’s clearly uncomfortable that you are sitting so close, and frankly, I am too.”

“y/n…”

“And he’s too nice to say anything.” Your cold eyes look at her then they slide to Jungkook, “Which is something you need to work on babe.”

“I am not even sitting that close, jeez, you are as dramatic as ever.” Manny tries to roll her eyes, while subtlety scooting away. “And really? You try to call me out in front of everyone?”

“Oh? Should we talk in private then?”

“y/n.” this time the one saying your name is Jungkook. “Maybe we should go to sleep. Start new tomorrow, huh?” The tension between you and Manny too much for him to handle right now, especially in front of everyone.

“I think that’s a great idea.” It’s grandma. “It’s way past my bedtime too.”

“I think your aunt and uncle were just talking about how it’s almost time to leave too. Perfect timing!” Your mom chimes in, “Let’s all say goodnight.”

You don’t say anything to Jungkook as you peel back the baby pink duvet on your bed, you just stare down at your twin mattress with hard eyes.

“Are you okay?”

You continue to stay silent as you slip under the covers, scooting all the way towards the edge of the bed as far as you possibly can.

“y/n…” Jungkook pats in the last of his facial moisturizer into his skin, “I asked if you’re okay?” his back is facing you as he sits on the edge of the bed, placing his moisturizer back in his bag. “It was interesting,” (Hot.) “To see you all…protective,” (Jealous.) “Tonight.”

“I’m going to sleep.” You are laying on your back, staring up at the ceiling fan. “I don’t feel like talking tonight.”

Jungkook lays down next to you, his body so freaking close. He lays on his side, facing you. His right arm going under his head, trying his hardest to get comfortable in such close quarters.

“No talking, but maybe cuddling?” Jungkook whispers, and you of course hear it clear as day because he is so fucking close to you.

“Call me crazy but I don’t feel like cuddling with a guy who can’t even tell another girl to fuck off.” You shut your eyes. “Not in the mood.”

Jungkook blinks a few times, your words sinking in. You’re kind of right, he should of said something too but he didn’t know what to say. It’s your cousin! In front of your family! And he tried his hardest to lean away from Manny as much as possible.

“I’m sorry, y/n. You’re right. I should have said something.” His left hand reaches out to grab your hand that rests on top of your stomach.

“Yeah, you should have. But now I’m the asshole who called her out in front of everyone.”

Jungkook remembers it, and he darkly chuckles.

“Yeah, and it was hot.” He admits, making you open your eyes as you snap your head towards him.

“You think me being crazy jealous was hot?” you give him a look like he’s crazy.

“So you are jealous?” Jungkook smirks, “But I don’t see it that way. I see it as being protective over what’s yours.”

“So, you’re mine?” you turn to lean on your side, your body bumping into his. “At least until the end of this trip right?” you laugh, “I can’t believe you just don’t want to disappoint grandma.”

“At least until the end of this trip.” Jungkook leans his head closer to yours, “You finally brought home a boyfriend.” He grins as his forehead slightly bumps into yours.

What does Jungkook mean at least? And why does he always become closer and closer to you?

If you were to lift your head up at all, his lips would be dangerously close to yours.

“Jeez, how many fake boyfriends am I going to have this year?” you joke, keeping your head down, “I really got to find a real one by now.”

“I know the room is dark,” Jungkook begins, “But I still want to see your eyes when we talk.”

“Didn’t I say I didn’t want to talk?”

“y/n…” Jungkook whines, “You’re still mad at me?”

“Not really, it’s not your fault. I’m just still pissed at the situation.” You admit quite easily. “It’s honestly so disrespectful of her. You’re my boyfriend. You’re my man. You’re mine.”

Jungkook’s hand settles over your waist, he grabs on and brings you in closer to his body. He inhales you, taking in your scent. You smell so good to him, he could inhale you forever. Your words echo in his mind as he snuggles you closer. Your man? His heart races faster and faster as the echo gets louder.

“I’m yours, hm?” he runs his fingers down your side, starting from your shoulder until the top of your hip bone. “Does that make you mine?” He breathes out, “Are you mine baby?” his fingers dance over your hips, your shirt and shorts separating his fingers from touching your warm skin.

“You know what I mean.” You huff out, closing your eyes from his gentle touch.

“Do I though?” Jungkook’s hand lingers over your hips, until he is playing with the end of your shirt.

“Let me touch your skin.” He softly begs, “It’ll feel nice.”

Your eyes open in surprise, what skin? Where will he be touching?

“Innocent, I swear.” Jungkook adds, “Just want to make you feel nice.”

“Isn’t that weird?” you finally ask.

“I don’t think so.”

“Fine.” You close your eyes again, “Touch me.”

Jungkook bites his lips when you give him the green light, he wasn’t expecting you to agree so quickly. Because what if it is weird? He just wants to touch your skin, no harm done. Jungkook leans up on his arms and tugs at the bottom of your shirt,

“I am going to slide this up a bit, okay?” he asks and you nod your head but you hear him chuckle.

“Words, baby.”

“Yes.” You breathe out, your eyes still closed.

Jungkook takes the material between his fingers and begins to slowly, very slowly ride the shirt up. His eyes have finally adjusted to the dark, where he can see you just enough. The shirt slides up your body, exposing your skin inch by inch. He gulps.

He lifts the shirt up until your pretty blue bralette is showing itself, your breasts falling to the side giving you a good amount of cleavage. He gulps again.

When the shirt is all bunched up at your armpits, Jungkook lays back down on his side. The cold air that spins in circles thanks to the fan is causing your skin to get goosebumps, your stomach feeling extra sensitive.

“Touch me, Jungkook.” You softly command. “I want you to.”

Jungkook swallows hard at your straightforwardness. His hand slowly creeps up to your shoulder, his fingers brushing against the material of the t shirt before he’s lightly dragging his fingers down your side. His fingertips hit your exposed skin, he lightly glides them down, just barely touching you. When he reaches your hip bone he dances his fingers lower until they’re grazing your lower stomach. His touch is so light it’s got your breathing getting just a bit heavier. He repeats his action a few times, starting from your shoulder until his fingers glide across your bare stomach. He’s right, it does feel nice. Too nice, almost.

“How do my fingers feel?” He clears his throat, his voice nice and low. Your eyes shoot open at his question. This is all innocent, but why does that question feel so dirty?

“They feel so good.” You breathe out, “So good.”

Jungkook smiles and continues sliding his fingers over your lower stomach, causing you to release a long, shaky breath. His touch is so fucking good, his touch leaving a trail of fire. As his fingers lightly skid across your stomach he leaves behind such heat. His fingers finally glide up, they barely reach right under your breasts. Your breath catches in your throat, his fingers so dangerously close to your tits and you want to smash your head on something. God, what it would feel like to have them being touched by his large hand.

Jungkook uses just his pointer finger to drag his finger down from the center of your lower chest until he’s passing your belly button, until he’s reaching your lower stomach again, his finger stopping at the drawstrings on your shorts.

You can’t help but release a long, quiet moan as his finger does that over and over. You clench your stomach muscles with each stroke of his fingers. Why does Jungkook have to make you feel so fucking good?

Jungkook feels himself getting hard against your thigh, but he doesn’t care to hide it. Touching your warm, soft skin feels so intimate and that moan you released? His cock needs to hear more. He grabs a hold of your hip, the material of the shorts in the way of your skin.

“Can I lower these a little?” he pants out. “Just a little.”

“Yes.” You feel your breaths getting heavier.

Jungkook slips his fingers under the shorts and slowly drags down the material over your hip, your panties sliding down as well. Jungkook grunts in approval, he thumbs your hip bone causing you to quietly whimper.

“You really like your hips and stomach to be touched.” He states.

“S-Sensitive.” You admit.

Jungkook massages the skin of your hip, very, very lightly. Almost like he isn’t touching you at all, like he’s just trying to tease you. And it’s working. You feel your breaths become more erratic. You keep your eyes closed as the light feeling of his fingertips begin to make you wet. You can’t help but slightly rotate your hips in circles as he touches you, and you can’t help but moan when he puts more pressure into his massage on your hip.

“You like that?” Jungkook breathes out, “Feel good?”

Your hips move faster underneath his electric touch, you start to become desperate, needing more. You finally open your eyes, Jungkook notices how dark and captivating they look. You reach forward until your own hand is at his shirt.

“Off.”

Jungkook looks at you, very confused. But he doesn’t waste another moment when he sits up and throws his shirt off.

“Good.” Your hands go to grope his chest. His strong muscles flex beneath your touch. You drag your hands down his chest until they stop at the waistband of his sweats, he throws his head back as you explore the front of his body.

“Want to touch you too.” You admit between harsh breaths.

Jungkook’s hand goes to the shirt bunched around your shoulders and tugs on it,

“Off too.” He guides you to sit up and he helps you take off your shirt. Your strappy bralette leaves almost nothing to the imagination, Jungkook thinks. The material is so very thin that he sees your hard nipples and he wants to brush his thumb over them. But he refrains.

“Much better.” Jungkook says in one breath. “Now lay down.”

You do as he says, this time you lay on your back instead of your side. You try breathing in and out normally but can’t help how irregular your breaths are.

“Jungkook.” You whine, “Touch me.”

“So needy.” Jungkook’s hand hovers over the top of your stomach, “My baby is so needy.” He whispers.

You reach up and caress Jungkook’s cheek, “I am.” You admit. Jungkook throws his head back, biting on his lip as he grins.

“Good girl.” His fingers lightly dance below your belly button and you whine. He glides his fingers lower and lower until they’re at your waistband.

“Going to pull these down…just a little.” His voice cracks as he stares down at you.

You nod your head and tell him yes over and over.

He drags the shorts just a bit lower, right before your pussy is exposed. His fingers lightly touch your new exposed skin, and you moan. The feeling getting you so worked up.

“I want to do the same to you.” You try say between your rough breathing. “Let me touch you, Jungkook.” Your hands go to his stomach, your touch anything but light as you drag your hands down with pressure. You reach the top of his waist band and begin pulling down until he’s catching your wrist.

“And what do you think you are doing?” Jungkook’s low, deep voice sends a shiver down your god damn spine.

“Innocent, I promise.” You mock, “Want to touch you too.”

“I think we have had enough,” he teases lightly, bringing his hand back to his own body. “Let’s go to sleep.”

“Fine, cuddle me.” You say, annoyed. You turn to your other side, where your back is facing him.

“Fine by me. But…” He sinks down further into the covers to spoon you, one arm going beneath your head and the other pulling you in by the hips, “Remember what happens when we get in this position.” You feel his hard cock poke your ass and you moan out quietly.

“What happens?” you play dumb.

“4 years ago, you asked me to cuddle you like this because you wanted to get fucked.” he says easily and you choke on your spit. He’s referencing that night?

Jungkook is so lost in you, he doesn’t care anymore. He will bring up that night a million times if he has to. He loves you. And he’s starting to get real tired of the constant tension between you two. He pushes his hips into your ass, you feel how hard he is and you squeeze your eyes shut.

“I also said this position makes me feel safe.” You play innocent as you bump your ass into his crotch.

“I make you feel safe?”

“You make me feel a lot of things.” You whimper, backing your ass further into his cock, it’s so hard and poking against you in such a way that drives you nuts.

Jungkook groans as he feels you circling your hips into his crotch. His hand goes to your hip and he squeezes tightly making you moan out.

“You got to be more quiet baby.” Jungkook warns softly, “We don’t want your parents or your grandmother thinking we are really having that ‘slumber party’.” He jokes.

“Then what are we having?”

“Just some innocent massages between friends.” He comments with a snicker.

“Oh? Is my ass massaging your dick so innocent?” you whine out, “I don’t really do this sort of thing with my other friends.” You keep your eyes screwed shut.

“It’s very innocent.” Jungkook teases, he begins lightly humping you. He pushes his cock further and further on your ass cheeks, he moans when you two find a rhythm. He remembers when he fucked you in this position, he remembers it well. How you sounded, how you smelled, how you felt. He memorized the feeling of you.

“Fuck, y/n…” Jungkook quietly groans out. He rocks his hips into you faster, and you hate everything. You want to touch yourself so bad. You want to slide your fingers down your shorts and rub your aching clit, you would like it even more if it was Jungkook’s fingers.

“Not fair…” you say in pout, arching your back.

“What’s not?” he pants.

“I want to feel good too…” you say, flipping to your other side, facing him. You scoot impossibly close until his cock is pressed against your lower stomach.

“Innocently, of course.” You throw a leg over his waist as your hands go to his chest to guide him to lay on his back. “Gonna make us both feel good.” Your eyes are glazed over in lust as you speak.

You straddle his hips and find the right placement in sitting down…his cock nice and snug between your clothed folds. You begin moving your hips until you have the right angle on your clit and you moan.

“Is this okay?” you breathe out and Jungkook nods his head quickly.

You begin rocking yourself against his clothed cock, he quietly whimpers at the feeling. Jungkook screws his eyes shut as his mouth falls open and wonderful panting leaves his lips. You watch him lose his composure as you hump him, you pick up the pace, becoming more and more desperate. Your clit is thanking you. ‘Thank you bitch’ it says.

“I—I can’t” Jungkook moans out, “I—I can’t do this.”

You immediately slow down, rejection sinking in. “What do you mean? You don’t want to do—”

“—I don’t want to do this with clothes on.” Jungkook groans, his fingers digging into your hips. “I need you naked. Fucking now.” He grits out.

You finally still as you process his words. Are you two about to fuck? Is this really a good idea? Again? But you are so far gone…you are so beyond horny that you are able to push your logical thinking to the side.

“Okay.” You look at him with lust filled eyes, “Take off my clothes.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen but he’s nodding his head so fucking fast it’s almost comical. He rushes to unclasp your bralette, your breasts bouncing as they are freed. He sits up, and you are graced with the sight of Jungkook’s mouth sucking on your tit. You arch your back, pushing your breast further into his mouth, his tongue swirling over the hardened nub. You throw your head back in pleasure, his hand giving your other breast all the attention it needs.

“Shorts, Jungkook.” You beg. “Take them off me.”

Jungkook detaches his self from your breast and looks up into your eyes and smirks,

“Say please, princess.”

“Fucking please, please.”

Jungkook’s hands quickly find their way to your shorts and your rise to your knees to help him slip them off your legs. Your panties go down with the shorts and Jungkook couldn’t be more pleased.

“Oh my god baby.” Jungkook stares at you with dark eyes, “Your wetness is literally dripping down your inner thighs. You are so fucking wet.” He comments and you smile shyly.

“You…” you begin to say.

“What about me?” he teases, his fingers grazing your inner thigh, he wipes some of your cum off your sensitive skin.

“You did this to me.”

“Yes I did baby. And I will take full responsibility.” He guides your body up his own, you follow his lead.

“Ride my face.” He commands as he lays back down, his hand in yours still guiding you when you stop abruptly.

“W—What?”

“Ride my face baby.” He tugs on your hand and you hesitantly make your way closer to him. You stop when you are hovering over his chest, knees on either side of his neck when you start to get shy.

“I’ve never…”

“Keep going,” his hands go to your hips and he’s guiding you further up until your pussy is hovering over his warm mouth.

“Now sit.”

“Jungkook—”

“I said, sit.”

And you do, you lower yourself over his mouth…you slam your eyes shut, feeling nervous. But then you are met with his wet, warm tongue. You stay still as he begins licking at you, his tongue licking a strip from your hole to your clit. You start to relax as the sensation fills you up, his tongue swirling around causing you to release a long, breathy moan. You can’t help but start to rock your hips back and forth…the feeling even more spectacular. You try to keep quiet, you really do. But Jungkook’s tongue is quite literally fucking you.

“Ah, Jungkook.” You throw your head back, your eyes rolling all around as you ride his face faster. You feel Jungkook moan into your pussy, making you whimper even more.

You don’t know how much time has passed but it does not matter. Jungkook shows no sign of stopping anytime soon, his tongue working to make you feel so fucking good. You ride his face even harder now, your thighs shaking as you squeeze around his head.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” You pant out, “I think I’m going to—”

You rock your hips as fast as you can as you feel your orgasm approaching, Jungkook’s hands squeeze your ass cheeks. He encourages you to rock against him even harder as he guides your hips. His tongue is laid flat against your clit as you ride him faster, you can feel how close you are. You thighs shake and you feel your pussy clench around nothing as your orgasm hits you. It hits you so fucking hard, like a strong wind that’s knocked you over.

“Fuuuuuucckkk.” You squeeze your thighs together, probably crushing Jungkook’s head as you come. You breathe so fucking hard as you try to hurry to come down from your amazing orgasm, you struggle to rise to your knees, so Jungkook helps lift you a bit until you are rising from his mouth.

You inch backwards until you are hovering over his chest, when he makes you sit down. You open your eyes, and take a look at the man before you.

His entire face is glistening with your cum and he looks so fucking happy about it. He’s trying to catch his own breath as he eyes you, his entire face wet with your cum. He is fucking grinning at you.

“You did so amazing baby.” He breathes out.

“That was incredible.” You admit. “Want to…” you start off hesitantly, “Want to fuck my mouth?”

Jungkook slams his eyes shut, and takes a few deep breaths before he slowly opens his eyes again.

“No…We should get cleaned up and go to sleep. Don’t you think?” he asks softly.

“Go…to sleep?” you ask, disappointed. “Sure.” You say kind of detached. “If that’s what you want.”

~~~~~~

Shame. Guilt. Regret.

It’s the next morning and you are trying your hardest to sleep away from Jungkook. But the bed is so small making it almost impossible. You didn’t sleep at all. Which feels unfair because Jungkook is next to you snoring away with a lazy arm thrown over your waist.

Shame. Guilt. Regret.

Jungkook has a girlfriend but you and him…oh my god you made Jungkook a cheater. You are the fucking worst. You let lust win in this dangerous game you two are playing, you let it win and shove it’s victory in your face. You hate yourself. You feel so fucking bad! Vanessa may not be your favorite person but cheating is never okay.

Shame. Guilt. Regret.

You wonder if Jungkook will feel these things too as he wakes up…you wonder if he will feel worse. Jungkook is a lot of things but a cheater isn’t one of them. He’s always felt strongly about the subject because of his mom and dad. Will he be weird with you? Will he feel worse than you? Will he be able to forgive himself?

Suddenly, Jungkook’s light snores go quiet and his arm is tightening around your waist just the slightest. He’s awake. He begins pulling you in closer to his body and then you feel his lips on your neck. He leaves just an innocent peck and then you think he may be going back to sleep with how comfortable he’s getting.

“Let’s get up.” You break the silence in the room, “I can hear people downstairs.”

“Oh, good morning.” You feel him smile on your neck, “Why don’t we stay here for just a few minutes?”

Has he not processed what he’s done? Where is his shame? His guilt? His regret? You feel sick.

“We really should get up.” You repeat. “I’m hungry.” You detach yourself from his body and rise from the bed. You don’t even look at him as you grab a change of clothes and exit the room to head towards the bathroom.

Jungkook is left on the bed wondering what’s up with you? Are you feeling awkward after last night? He thought you might be in a good mood…considering your orgasm…but instead your mood seems to be sour.

“Great.” Jungkook mutters underneath his breath. He gets up too, going to his bag to change for the day. When he’s done, he grabs his toiletries and makes his way to the bathroom. He stands outside the door, softly knocking. You swing the door open with your toothbrush hanging out of your mouth when you usher him inside.

“I’m going to wash up too…” Jungkook warns. He sets his small toiletry bag on the bathroom counter and takes out his face wash, moisturizer and tooth brush.

You nod your head as you continue to brush your teeth, toothpaste foaming at the corner of your mouth.

“How do you feel this morning?” Jungkook tries to make decent conversation as he applies his face wash to his face.

You spit out the toothpaste and rinse your mouth, wiping your face dry with a towel.

“Fine.” You spit out. “Just fine.”

Jungkook washes his face with water, and pats his face dry with a small towel, just nodding his head. He feels awkward.

“I feel fine too…” He adds, trying to add more to the convo. “Do you think grandma heard us last night?” he asks.

“Let’s not talk about last night.” You snap, “Can’t you read a room?”

You grab your things and leave the bathroom, leaving Jungkook wondering what the hell he did to make you so mad. Did you hate it that much? Maybe in the past he would have thought that but now…he knows how much you liked it. Loved it even. Jungkook doesn’t feel as insecure as before, he just knows the only way to solve this is to talk to you. Communication.

Communication would be a lot easier if he was given a god damn chance at talking to you but your mom is keeping you so busy in the kitchen with your gossipy aunt’s chitter chatter filling every crevice of the room. You nod along, even laugh as you listen. Jungkook is in the backyard with the three kids, keeping them entertained as you, Manny, Larissa, your aunt and mom bake in the kitchen with grandma sipping her tea at the table. Your dad, uncle and Daniel are in the living room watching some show, clanking their beer bottles together in celebration. Today is Christmas eve. Apparently this is when your family does most of the major celebrating, you guys bake and cook all day, eat a grand dinner and open presents. And Christmas day you just eat leftovers and chill.

The youngest kid has grown quite fond of Jungkook, she tends to feel left out by her two older brothers. Jungkook plays with her and she has already formed an attachment making your cousin in law laugh at them fondly.

“Your boyfriend is great with kids! Lucky you.” Larissa winks at you as she rolls the cookie dough on the counter.

“Yeah, yeah.” You say plainly.

“y/n…what’s wrong?” Manny comes up to your side, “Trouble in paradise?”

“No, Manny.” You snap. “But I bet you would like that.”

“Girls, let’s not fight.” Your aunt cuts in while your mom just looks at you worried.

“I would hardly call it a fight.” You hear your grandmas sweet voice over everyone else’s. “Now how are those drop cookies coming along girls?”

“They’re coming.” You say. “If Manny ever finishes with the dry ingredients.”

“I told you I was almost done, chill out.”

“Girls.” Your mom warns, “y/n, why don’t you go keep Jungkook company?”

Your eyes go from your moms to outside where Jungkook is and you panic.

“No, it’s okay…he’s fine.”

“You know what?” Your grandma speaks up, “I think I will if you won’t.” She sweetly chuckles. She stands from her place at the table, grabs her tea cup and makes her way to the outside table instead, closing the backyard door behind her.

“Hi dear.” Your grandma nods towards Jungkook as he plays pirates with the boys. He is laughing and pretending to have a hook hand, while the boys giggle and run around. The youngest claims she is the lost princess and that Jungkook has to save her. Grandma watches with joy, loving how well he gets along with the children.

“Hi.” Jungkook says out of breath from playing. He tells the kids to keep playing and that he will return shortly, they beg and whined that he stay but he says if they keep playing he will steal them some of the first cookies. The kids nod their head aggressively in agreement.

“How are you this afternoon?” he takes a seat across from her.

“Why is my granddaughter mad at you?” She smiles at Jungkook and his face drains of all color.

“Um…what do you mean?”

“Anyone with eyes knows you two have been strange all morning and afternoon.” Your grandma brings her tea to her mouth, “Maybe Manny was right, there is trouble in paradise.” She smiles again, “The key is to talk to her. Find out what’s going on.”

Jungkook groans, throwing his head into his hands. He lifts his head up again to speak but decides to just groan again in frustration.

“She won’t give me a chance to speak to her.” He admits. “She’s avoiding me.”

“Make the chance happen.” Grandma advices, “You’re a good kid, Jungkook. Even though you decided to lie to poor old me.”

“Lie?”

“You think I really couldn’t tell that you’re not really dating my granddaughter? I’ve been around too long to get fooled by something like that. But I see your feelings are real. So are hers. So why aren’t you two together?”

Jungkook sits here, absolutely stunned silent. He doesn’t know how to respond! Grandma begins sipping on her tea again when she lowers it to speak.

“Go talk to her honey. I want to see my grandbaby happy.”

“I guess we don’t have to pretend anymore.” Jungkook finally speaks.

“No, no. Keep going, it is quite entertaining, dear.” Your grandma chuckles, “Plus, it keeps Manny on her toes. Best if she thinks you are taken. Once she finds out that you are single…I fear for your life, boy.” Your grandma laughs out loud, making Jungkook join her.

“Fair enough.” He says, “But how do I…how do I get her to talk to me?”

“I’m sure you know her better than I do.” Grandma points out, “You’ll figure out what works best for her.”

And your grandma is right, he does know you best. But what will work? When you have avoided things in the past he has usually been the one to force answers out of you. Now is no different.

All the baking for the day is complete, you sit down at the table in the kitchen and let your head fall to the table top. You moan out in satisfaction that you all are finally done…how unfair that the guys got to just chill all day? Your mom has been cooking with your aunt for Christmas dinner while you and your cousins worked on pies and cookies. And they sat and drank beer. Typical.

“Hey.” You feel Jungkook’s warm breath hit your ear and you look up at him, his face so close to yours as he is leaned down to speak to you.

“Can we talk?”

“Nothing to talk about.” You lay your head back down on the table until you feel your arm being pulled upwards, causing you to stand to your feet.

“Don’t be a brat. Let’s go.” Jungkook pulls you up, and starts pulling you in the direction of the staircase.

“Let go of me.” She say weakly, “I can walk myself.”

Jungkook let’s go of your arm and instead reaches for your hand, he interlocks his fingers with yours and you roll your eyes.

“I said, I can walk myself.”

Jungkook only shakes his head in response, guiding you up the stairs until you two reach the bedroom, you both walk inside as Jungkook closes the door behind you two.

“Now talk.” He softly commands.

“Nothing to talk about?”

“y/n…” he warns and you feel your eyes start to sting.

“We fucked up, Jungkook.” You blink back the stinging in your eyes, shame, guilt, and regret joining you.

“How so?”

“What do you mean ‘How so?’” you ask incredulously. “Do you not remember the events of last night? You have a girlfriend!” you throw your hands in the air, “You are a cheater! I’m the one you cheated with…oh my god…”

Jungkook’s eyes widen at your words and he starts shaking his head. He tries walking closer to you but you only step back until your back meets the wall.

“We fucked up.” You cry out. “I’m so sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Jungkook asks softly. You are starting to wonder why this dude is not panicking.

“I made you a cheater.” You cry. Jungkook walks closer to you again until he’s wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You didn’t.” he whispers. “Vanessa and I…we aren’t together right now.”

You sniffle into his shoulder as you process his words…not together right now? What does that even mean?

“She broke up with me.” He begins to explain, “Said she wants to break up until New Year’s but I don’t think we will be getting back together.”

“Why not?” you whisper.

“I…I don’t know.”

“Oh.” You untangle yourself from Jungkook’s arms, “But you aren’t a cheater?”

“No.”

You sigh out in relief, a huge, long, heavy sigh. Thank God. You feel shame, guilt, and regret leave your body making you feel ten times lighter.

“So I have nothing to feel bad for?”

“Absolutely nothing.” Jungkook smiles at you, “Now can we go enjoy Christmas? I cannot wait to give you your present.”

You pull on your hair, feeling nervous suddenly. Is he just going to brush past this too? Are you two not going to bring up last night in more detail? Figure out what it means for you two? Are you two just friends who occasionally hook up? That’s not what you want. What do you want? “Sure.”

~~~~~

“Dinner was delicious, honey.” Your dad says reaching over to cup your moms cheek. “I think I ate way too much this year.”

“Oh sweetheart, you say that every year.” Your mom laughs, “What about everyone else? Eat enough?”

Everyone around the table groans in happiness, nodding their heads yes and complimenting the dinner.

“Well, I suppose we should get on to the presents portion of the evening?” Your mom stands from her chair, “Let’s all go into the living room around the tree.”

Everyone makes their way into the living room, you and Jungkook being the last two to make it inside. You two stand here awkwardly, not entirely too sure where to sit since it is a bit crowded. Your grandma points at you two with a cheeky smile.

“Mistletoe.” She yells out. “Mistletoe!”

You point at yourself in question and then at Jungkook. What mistletoe? Then you see Jungkook looking up and his face turning completely red. Oh.

“We really don’t—”

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” you hear your various family members chanting. Your parents grinning like fools as they chant as well. Your grandma winks at Jungkook and Jungkook goes even redder.

“We don’t have to Jungkook” you whisper. Jungkook clears his throat repeatedly until his face begins going back to his normal color.

“No, it’s tradition right?”

“I mean, I guess.” You shrug, you begin to turn red yourself.

“C’mere.” He reaches for your hand and pulls you in to his chest, then his other hand goes to cup your jaw. “Just one kiss.” He whispers.

You feel all his body heat enter your body, his touch making you so fucking warm. You nod your head pathetically as you tilt your head up. Jungkook smiles down at you and leans in just a bit, his forehead pressing against yours. Your eyes go to his lips, they are pink and his bottom lip is plump. Jungkook leans lower until his mouth is hovering over yours and he very innocently pecks your lips. You wish his kiss had lingered longer but it is short but sweet. He leans away from you, his forehead still pushed up against your own when you surge forward and kiss him again.

You hear the hollering of your cousin Daniel and his wife Larissa, Manny probably pouting. Your aunt and uncle are giggling and your parents laughing but telling you to behave. Your grandma snickers to herself and starts softly clapping her hands together.

“I thought I said just one?” Jungkook teases, his hand lowering to his side but his other hand keeps holding yours.

“I couldn’t help myself.” You admit confidently “Now let’s do presents!” you turn to face everyone else.

“Agreed!” your mom yells out excitedly. “First, we have Manny from Daniel…”

The night continues, everyone exchanging presents. Your parents loved their gifts, your mom thought the necklace was very thoughtful and your dad says he would love to take you to the game with him. You give Jungkook your gift, he yelps in excitement when he unwraps his gift when he sees the boots.

“Thanks baby, I know I haven’t shut up about these shoes for months!” he leans in to hug you. “Now it’s my turn.” He grins.

He searches the tree for the last gift of the night: Jungkook to you. He grabs the box and hands it to you, a shy smile making its way on his lips.

“Here, for you.” He sits back and waits for you to unwrap it. Your parents and the rest of your relatives wait as well.

“Okay, here I go.” You begin unwrapping the box, throwing the gift paper to the side on the floor and are met with a brown box. You raise a brow at Jungkook and he just smiles widely.

“Go on,” he says, “Open it.”

So you do. You carefully open the box and pull out a wooden box—a music box. The top of the music box is glass with a photo of you and Jungkook, your heart absolutely melts into two.

“Open it, open it.” He urges excitedly.

“Okay…”

You lift the top of the music box, revealing its insides. Your absolute favorite song in the world starts playing and you feel the waterworks coming. This song means everything to you. He knows it is your favorite.

“Read what it says…” he mentions shyly. “There’s a message.”

I will always believe in you. I will always support you. And I will always love you.

You read the message to yourself a few times over and you start sniffling, a few tears leaving your eyes. You look up to make eye contact with Jungkook and he smiles. You close the box and slip it back inside the box and set it to the side, you crawl towards Jungkook and hug him. Your arms wrap around his neck and you throw your head into his shoulder, and you start mumbling your thanks.

“Of course baby.” He whispers into your hair, “I mean it.”

“I know you do…” you murmur. “I know.” You sniffle harder. “And I love you more.”

You, yourself aren’t entirely sure how you meant the words ‘I love you’ in this moment. You are so overwhelmed and overjoyed that you aren’t sure if you said it platonically or romantically. All you know is that you meant it.

“That’s impossible.” Jungkook chuckles. You slowly leave his arms, feeling embarrassed now that you’re crying in front of everyone.

“What did it say?” Manny asks, “You didn’t even share!”

“Let’s leave it between the love birds.” Your grandma says.

“Love birds indeed.” Your mom grins, “Well, Santa comes nice and early tomorrow!” she says to the kids.

“Are you sure about leaving them here tonight?” Daniel asks, “Santa can come to the hotel too.”

“Don’t be silly,” your mom says, “I will put them to bed on the sofas. It will be fine.”

“Okay, we will see you all bright and early tomorrow morning then.” Larissa begins packing up their things.

“Heading out already?” Your dad asks, “Well, take some food with you.”

You and Jungkook stay seated on the floor, as the rest begin cleaning up. Your mom picks up all the gift wrapping paper off the floor while your dad puts away gifts and you and Jungkook sit side by side.

“Did you like your gift?” Jungkook inches closer to you.

“I love it, Jungkook.” You lean into his shoulder, resting your head on him. “It makes me so happy.”

“What about me…do I make you happy?”

“So happy.” You admit. “I hope I can make you this happy too.”

“You do.” Jungkook leans his head on top of yours. “Like, you have no idea.” He reaches for your hand and tangles his fingers with yours.

“Do you two want to head to bed? We got the cleaning covered.” Your mom offers. You yawn in response, showing her that you could use some sleep.

“Yeah, okay.” You accept gratefully, you stand up taking Jungkook with you. You two say your goodnight’s and head towards the stairs up to your bedroom.

“Goodnight you two.” Your grandma sings, sending a wink to Jungkook and he goes red again.

“Why does she keep winking at you?” You wonder out loud.

“No idea…” Jungkook is quick to respond. “Weird…”

When you and Jungkook get to your room, you both rush to get changed and wash up in the bathroom. He finishes before you, settling into the bed. You come in next, wearing your sleep shorts and a tank top. You turn the lights off and make your way to your bed, you slip inside and groan in satisfaction…ah, sleep time.

“Hey y/n…”

“Hm?” you sleepily roll over to your side to face Jungkook, “What’s up?”

“I just want to say…” he pauses and bites his lip. “Thanks. I just want to say thanks.”

“For what babe?”

“For bringing me for Christmas…this is the first time I have felt so at home in years.” He admits, “You have no idea what this means to me.”

“I’m glad you’re happy Jungkook.”

“More than happy.” He corrects. “You have no idea what you mean to me.”

“Then tell me.”

“Can I show you instead?” Jungkook leans closer to you, tilting his head at the right angle. “Can I kiss you?”

You can’t help but swallow hard, Jungkook wants to kiss you? To show you what you mean to him? That’s romantic right? You aren’t totally reading this wrong?

“Why?” you ask, gulping down your spit.

“Because.” He breathes out softly, “Please.”

You can smell the toothpaste on his breath, you can smell his laundry detergent on his clothes, you can smell the shampoo in his hair. You inhale him and hold your breath.

“If I say no?” you blink up at him and he smiles softly.

“Then I will respect that.” He answers honestly.

With your eyes still adjusting to the darkness it is hard to see his eyes but you just know they are soft and inviting.

“Jungkook…” You scoot closer to him, moving your head to be at level with his face. “Baby…” you whimper out as you lean in closer to his face.

“Is that a yes?” He asks, his breath hitting your lips. “Because—”

Your lips find his in a slow, tender kiss. You peck his lips over and over and you can feel his lips shaping into a smile. You pull away after a few seconds, feeling breathless after the short kiss.

“Goodnight Jungkook.” You scoot down until your head hits his chest and you snuggle into it.

“Goodnight baby.” Jungkook smiles, laying on his back as he stares up at the dark ceiling. How will he find sleep tonight? His heart is racing in his chest. Are you finally starting to understand his feelings? He knows he hasn’t talked about them yet…but he will. Yes, he definitely will.

#bts #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst

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papers4me · 3 years

Note

Hi, thanks for reply me and don't worry about the long answer I really appreciate it. I'm also happy that writing about FB is something good to you, because reading your thoughts, much different than my own opinions, on something I love is so entertaining and enriching, with that in mind, I'm looking forward for your review for chapter 114, one of my personal favorites chapters. As far as I concerned about Shigure, I love him as plot device, hate him as person, so don't worry.

Hi lovely friend!

Thank you for the reading my response & enjoying my posts. Kindly don't shy away from asking me anything or sharing your thoughts<3!

Reading different thoughts is hella fun! you get to enjoy your fave story but from different perspectives or even experience shock at how ppl interpreted things you considered so differently.

I've read & posted abt ch 114 & I love it so much, it ignited my passion abt furuba that was diminishing with my disappointment abt anime-tohru! Now I'm all excited again for the rest! not just tohru! I can't wait for the following:

How much Akito cut-content is there? Will I finally see a content enough to get her out of the basic 3 steps in the anime? step 1: abusive villain, step 2: not listening to to tohru's very long inner monologue cuz it's.. well inner monologue! lol, but still, being touched by the few words tohru said when the sun rose behind her as the rain stopped!. Step: 3, good repenting akito that is fine with being a dolled up woman with makeups & flowery hairdo. All in shorts super quick parts of different eps that when you combine them, barely make one ep & a half. Anime Akito is as quickly explored as tohru. Both female characters were explored in the anime in their most basic shallow surface: the mother/ helping angel vs the villain/new woman. With ch114, which most of it was ironically in the anime but messed up, I got to discover tohru's depth. You see, not much new content was there in ch 114, only few panels here & there but these panels carried all tohru's depth, progressive growth, & most importantly will lead to the same conclusion we saw in the anime but make it believable, relatable & with such a lasting impression. Simply, ch 114 made tohru a real character not one denominational protagonist existing to carry themes. Will the same be done to Akito?

What abt shigure?

You guys alluded that kyo/yuki fight was better in the manga in regards to yuki character? can't wait to read that! Manga yuki is slowly starting to depart from anime yuki & I'm celebrating the glimpses of yuki's refreshing real character~~~

Obviously, kyo didnt forget kyoko/the accident in the manga seeing as ch 90-91 was his own nightmare & expressive visit to Kyoko's past. I cant express how excited I am to see kyo's plot handled by someone who respects the audience's intelligence & doesn't dismiss solid plot that was explored in canon in favor of cheap drama & exaggeration. Seriously, directors can play with the plot & change it as much as they like, I'm okay with that, but don't dare laugh at us, viewers & pretend that certain plotlines didnt happen or was never mentioned!!!! Don't you go D&D on us & use " daneryes/kyo forgot!"..... shame! Kyo's theme of crippling psychological guilt, running away, & repeated mistakes is one my top faves by far & is so well-written even in its most basic form, even with how very little he was explored in the anime & I cant wait to see how much manga kyo will be explored. Doesn't have to be whole chapters, just the tiniest panels or smallest thoughts can make a huge difference as we saw with tohru's ch114.

yeah~ these are 4 things in my mind after ch114. Basically, I'm excited! There were some plot-moments & character explorations that I felt so excited abt while watching furuba anime, Among them/My top two are: (1) se02, ep 9, man~ that was such a good ep!!!!! Both kyo & akito were my top fave characters that day!!!!, but later akito fell as her exploration sucked in the anime, XD. (2) when kyo refused tohru's love in the climax!! I jumped from my seat that day! such brilliant writing choices coupled with deep understanding of the characters' psyche & emotions! Breaking tropes, writing romance as only one sentiment in the characters' heart which is crowded with other stronger sentiments such as fear, trauma, bad habits, miscommunication, guilt & grief. The climax is Takaya-san telling us, hey~ ppl are multilayered creatures. When we make a choice, it's a mixture of lots of things, it's never the magical power of luv!...

What I'm saying is ch114, had brought this excitement back to me! =D

Thank you<3

#fruits basket #manga reviwes #manga spoilers #asks #responding paper #lovely anon #excited paper!

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chateautae · 3 years

Note

FINALLY I FINISHED THE OH SO GREAT CHAPTER 12, THE CHAPTER IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE IVE STARTED READING MID

FIRST OF ALL, IMMACULATE, CHEFS KISS, MWAH SO GOOD! THE FUCKING BEST, WORTH THE WAIT 😩🙏❤️💜❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 PARDON ME IF THIS WILL BE LONG, I JUST FEEL LIKE RANTING RN CAUSE I ALSO HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY QUEEN!!! I READ THIS FOR APPROXIMATELY 4-5 HOURS CAUSE IM SUCH A SLOW READER

The chapter made me go through a series of emotion sammy! I FEEL LIKE IM CRAZY RN. you gave bottom tae justice, i love bottom tae and top oc scene! rawr 🔥 The Call between tae and the boys made me laugh so hard, i love how you added that scene as a detail. The Carnival Scene gave me butterflies, especially the PINGU IMPERSONATION PLS! IM SO GLAD YOU ADDED THAT IN ❤️ We stan Taehyung x Pingu

I sobbed while taehyung was sharing his past! it lived up to the chapter’s title “Sharing my fragile truth” I never expected that his past was so deep and dark, truly heartbreaking and i felt it through my veins. I love how you made OC responded with it as well, It was so caring and warm and just the perfect words to say 😩😭 You portrayed it so so well ❤️

I listened to the song while reading the next love scene, Aphrodite by RINI AND IT FITTED SO WELL??? LIKE HOW? I was shocked and it definitely made reading the scene better!! THE Scene was beautiful with all the talking, consent and aftercare! We love communication in an established relationship yes we stan!

LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST SAMMY YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO END A CLIFFHANGER CHAPTER DONT YOU 😭😭😭 I was so ready and hyped to see Taehyung punch the living shit out of hisung and then BOOM END OF CHAPTER 12 AAAAAA GOT A LITTLE FRUSTRATED But then again, that is so smart cause YOU WILL EXPECT A LOT OF READERS TO ANTICIPATE FOR CHAPTER 13! THE CLIMAX AND THE DRAMA, THE ANGST, ALL IN CHAPTER 13 HMMMM

Ahhh I cant believe were nearing the end of MID, the BEST Story I’ve read hands down. Top one on my list and I will definitely be recommending this to other people! 😭❤️ You’ve written this story so so well that I actually learned a lot from it like how in this chapter, how BDSM has those sides to it or how kim taehyung talks about business🥵 The details in this story is out of the box, very creative and IM LIVING FOR THEM!

PS. HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW I FUCKING HATE HISUNG AND KISEOK? I HOPE THEY GOES BALD AND BLEACH GOES IN THEIR EYES! I HOPE THEIR PP GETS CUT OFF AND GETS FED TO PIGS!

- all the love, 🍓

WJEODJOE YES YES IK YOU’VE BEEN WAITING!! AHH I’M SO GLAD YOU LOVED THE CHAPTER! And yes yes pingu x taehyung forever I wonder how many people could tell I adapted that idea from when Taehyung went live and did those Pingu impressions for us!!! Oh gosh I cried writing Tae’s past it was just so heartbreaking, and I’m glad wifey oc was there for him and you liked how I went about the scene! I was doubting it quite a lot.

YESS APHRODITE BY RINI WAS PERFECT WASN’T IT?? Such a Taehyung song I fucking adored it and I’m happy the bdsm scene came off so well! NO NO I’M SO SCARED TO WRITE CHAPTER 13 CAUSE YES ALL THE DRAMA IS THERE, I CAN’T WAIT FOR EVERYONE TO SEE! And tysm for such lovely words I truly feel so appreciated this way, and I can’t thank you enough for not only reading but showing me so much support 🥺💓 STRAWBERRY ANON YES I HOPE THEY SPERM IS WEAK AF AND THEY SLEEP ON LEGOS!!

#strawberry anon!!#inbox #feedback: maybe i do #fic: maybe i do #lovely little message 💌

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words-for-holland · 4 years

Text

Happier (5) | T.H.

Summary: Harry and Harrison made it to New York without witnesses. One secret is revealed and a relationship could be broken up for good. What will the future hold for Y/N and Tom?

A/N: Everybody buckle up and grab your tissues, we’re in for a bumpy ride. Lemme know how you feel after this! Was it what you expected??

Guilt

It’s one thing to keep a secrets, but it’s another thing when you’re hiding it from the people you love. For Kate, she was becoming consumed in her own guilt as each day passed. Everyday her breaths would shorten, her heartbeat quicken, and her conscience relentlessy invading her inner thoughts. Kate tried to find all the possibilities to avoid the truth, and make everyone happy...but it didnt matter. One way or another, someone was going to get hurt.

Kate stood in front of Harrison and Harry at her doorstep. While she was relieved and excited to see them, a slight tinge of fear was present. “How are you going to find out the truth?” She asks calmly as Harrison and Harry made their way into the apartment. Kate picked up her phone, checking for an message. None showed up.

“Well, we might have found something. A clue maybe, but we’re not sure.” Harry explained as he picked up his macbook, turning it on.

“Is Y/N here?” Harrison asked, and as if on cue she appeared, heavy bags under her eyes.

The moment Y/N laid eyes on the two, she couldn’t believe it. Her hands quickly rubbing the sleep from her eyes, almost convinced it was a dream. “What? Harry? Harrison? What are you guys doing here?” Y/N excitedly asks. She made her way towards the boys giving them a long awaited hug. “I missed you guys.” She whispers.

“We want to help you.” Harrison says as he pulled away. “The unknown number? We might have an idea.”

Y/N looked at them suspiciously, checking her phone for cryptic messages. “Does anyone know you’re here?”

They both shook their head. “We didn’t tell anyone back home. As far as anyone knows, Harrison and I are going on a 3 day hike with little reception.” Harry reassured her with his boyish smile. Y/N look at him with admiration. He may not look like his brother, but his tone had Tom written all over it.

“Great. Just make sure your location is off on your phones..they could be watching us.” Kate warned as she checked her phone again.

Harrison looked at Kate with sympathy. In the years he’s known her because of Y/N and Tom’s relationship, she always seemed to be the sweetest most loyal friend out there. He was happy that Y/N had someone like Kate in her life. Not to mention it was also a plus that she was fairly pretty, even with the worry written all over face, she was still beautiful to Harrison.

“Hey.” Harrison spoke out for Kate’s attention. “We’re gonna figure this out. I promise.” While Kate nodded, she silently knew that this was not going to end well.”

“Wait...so Tom? Is he—?” Y/N asks the boys with anticipation.

Harrison knowing, exactly what Y/N was asking before she could even finished answered swiftly. “No! Of course not!” He laughs as if it was the silliest thing to answer. “Y/N, Tom loves you. He still does.”

“But the pictures..”

“Was a PR stunt set by Natalie’s publicists.” Harrison finished. “He’s doing a project that Natalie somehow got involved in, and they wanted a PR relationship to sell it. He didn’t want to at first, but then they showed him pictures of you and some div.”

“Hey he’s not some div! Matt’s a good guy.” Y/N defends. “Sweet actually, but I turned him down at the end of it. We’re just friends.”

Then it clicked. “Wait. You said that Tom saw the pictures?” Y/N asked trying to piece it together. “How did he get pictures?”

Harry and Harrison took a moment to think it through. “Well...Natalie’s publicist showed it to Tom.” Harry answered.

“But we don’t know where she got the pictures from.” Harrison added. “My money was on Natalie...still is.”

“Cmon mate. There’s no way she could have gotten pictures in New York and suddenly fly back to London.”

Kate slowly made her way to her own room, no longer wanting to be part of the conversation. They were getting too suspicious, and the more they questioned, the more nervous she got.

“Well maybe the unknown number sent it.” Harry said as he continued to be deep in his thoughts. “Or they found out on that fan account you found Harrison.”

“Wait? Fan account? They know?!” Y/N freaked out. Three years into making sure she was kept in the shadows, and it went all down the drain. If it there were fan accounts then it would only make it harder to finding out who really did sabotage her relationship. Let alone everyone’s lives.

“We don’t know yet, but Harrison found a fan account that was posting about Tom and you. Not together at least, but seperately. The weird part is...barely few people follow it, so we’re not sure what it means.” Harry explained, as he tried to pull up the account. “Oh no.”

“What? What do you mean ‘Oh no’?” Harrison panicked.

“I cant find the account.” Harrison said as he tried to pull it up, but the page disappeared.

In the nick of time, a message was sent to all three of them.

Unknown

Looks like you’re back to square 1 ❤️

“Shit! How did they know?” Harrison questioned in anger. “We were this close!”

“It’s okay Harrison. I appreciate that you guys tried, but it’s a lost cause.” Y/N consoled him, rubbing his shoulder.

“It won’t be. We’ll find another way.” Harry encouraged as he hugged them both. “By the way, where’s Kate gone?”

All three looked up to notice she was missing. Y/N waved it off, assuming it was just one of those days. “She probably went to bed early. Kate gets tired easily, nowadays. It might be because of her new job on top of watching out for me. Its a lot to take on for a person.”

The reasoning seemed valid enough Harrison and Harry. Plus it was Kate they were talking about, she always had Y/N’s back from day one, she wouldnt blackmail any of them or ruin Y/N and Tom’s relationship..right?

Late in the night, Harrison had trouble sleeping because of the jetlag. Since it only was a medicore 2 bedroom apartment, Harrison and Harry slept in the living room on the sofa bed. Luckily it was big enough for the both them and they didnt have to resort to cuddling. Harrison lied on his back as he looked out to the NYC view, thinking about everything and nothing at all. He smiled, thinking about it all. For a very serious couple, a lot of shit has gone down and yet here he was with trying to save it. He cared about the two so deeply, they were his family and family never turns their back on the other.

Then he heard something, whispers coming from the hall. Harrison didn’t dare to make a move but he trained his ears to listen carefully at the voice.

“Im telling you they are getting suspicious.” The voice whispered into the phone. It sounded like Kate’s and Harrison continued to listen in.

“No.No. I sent the damn pictures to you for a reason. No one told me that they would come here. I wasn’t prepared for that.” Kate continues as she paces in the corner.

Pictures? Harrison was awake more than ever, as he quickly shook Harry, and told him to stay quiet. They continued to listen.

“Look I did everything I was told to do. She got what she wanted, now —” Kate stopped in her tracks as she saw Harry and Harrison in front of her. Immediately she dropped the call, her lips moving, unable to find the words.

“How could you?” Harry said his brown eyes glaring at at the girl who just betrayed her best friend. “She was your best friend! How could you?!” He spoke louder.

Kate tried her best to quiet them down, but there was the point. She knew this day would come. “You don’t understand.” Kate whispers, looking at the ground. “I was only doing this to protect Y/N.”

“Protect Y/N? Blackmailing her? Sending pictures of her and a guy to Tom, so he would turn against her? That’s protecting her?” Harrison questioned, hurt by her actions. If he was hurt, then surely It would hurt Y/N far worse.

Y/N comes out of her room as she sees the three gather together, glaring at each other. “Hey..w-what’s going in?” She asks nervously.

“Why don’t you tell her Kate?” Harry spits out as he gestures to Y/N. Kate looks into her best friend’s eyes tears welling up. Y/N had fear struck into her face, afraid of what she had to say.

“I’m so sorry.” She cries. “I didn’t have a choice. She would have ruined our friendship if I did.”

“Kate. What.Did.You.Do?” Y/N asks, emphasizing each word to the question.

Kate shook her head as she let out a deep sigh. “Im the reason your pictured with Matt got out Tom.”

Y/N shook her head, tears streaming. She didn’t want to believe it. “Please tell me you’re lying.”

“Im sorry Y/N. I swear I didnt mean for this to get out of hand. I was threatened that if I didn share them, then they would say something that could ruin our friendship..and...I didnt want that to happen.” Kate frantically explains, sobbing at her no good explanation.

Y/N shook her head, her face switching from sadness to anger. “Looks like you didn’t need them to ruin it at all for you. Now you’re gonna tell me what you know and then Im packing my stuff and Im moving out.”

Kate sobbed as she try to plead to her ex-bestfriend to stay. “Look I’ll tell you everything okay, but it’s not much.” She takes a deep breath before she continues. “I was the one that started the rumors and created the fan account Harry and Harrison saw.”

“Why?” Y/N asks, her disappointed face unchanging.

“I was jealous of you at the time. Y/N you had everything I could have ever wanted in my life. A job, a boyfriend that doesn’t leave you, a family that loves you, and the fame which you didn’t even want to accept with open arms. You were always a step ahead of me at something and I was tired of it. So when you told me you felt uneasy about Natalie when she first moved in, I sold that info online and twisted the story so that it looked like Tom liked Natalie and they were a potential couple.”

“Oh my god.” Harrison said as he let his head down. “You made Natalie think that Tom was in love with her secretly thats why she had become so persistant.”

Kate slowly nodded as she took another breath. “As for the fan accounts I can’t tell you much because I was just asked to create them by the Unknown number.”

“Wait so you’re not the unknown number?” Harry asked confused.

Kate shook her head. “I don’t who it is. Im just a vicitim as much as you guys are.”

“No cut that bullshit. It’s because of you that all of our lives are a mess. It’s because of you that I had to lose the most important thing in my life. So don’t say you’re a fucking victim when all you really did was try to save your own ass.” Y/N yelled.

“You didn’t have to if you were so confident in your relationship with Tom.” She spat back.

“I love Tom with all my heart, but I was referring my best friend. I never want to see you again.” Y/N states, emotionless. No one had ever seen Y/N like this. In fact no one had ever seen her mad as she was on this very day. The day she lost her best friend.

Y/N went to her room to quickly gather her belongings, stuffing them back in the bag. Her phone was ringing and she didnt hesitate to pick it up.

“Tom...” she answers, holding back her sobs.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader

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lunavadash-creates · 3 years

Note

Have I ever told you that you are the sweetest cupcake ever?❤️ It’s impossible to not smile at your posts! I sincerely thank you for all your sympathy towards me! My heart just melts! It’s so rare to find such a pure and kind soul like you. Please, don’t change. Ever.

You made me worried a bit with your last paragraph - maybe I am oversensitive, but I am really worried. It breaks my heart honestly, I feel like you belittle yourself. Babe, you are wonderful! I am not saying this just for you to feel better, but because you REALLY are. Think for a moment about things you’ve already achieved! Darling, you graduated! It’s really something. It is even more something when you study two different majors at the same time and study in language school at weekends. It’s real hardcore! I am proud of you. SO FREAKING MUCH! You did so well and you did so much! Please, be aware of it. You are incredibly talented and creative. YOU are hard working, not me. And you know what? Please, have a proper rest. Don’t overwork yourself anymore. You have to have some space just for you. You have to rest and regain your balance. Don’t think about writing as your duty. I know you feel responsible for all requests you have. But they really won’t run away or disappear. They all will be waiting to be written when you rest. Don’t pressure yourself, I beg you. You know I love your writing. We all here love it. But we love you even more. Taking a break it’s not bad. It’s necessary. When you rest you will be able to concentrate, you will have a fresh mind and new ideas. Just remember that you are a priority.

Speaking of your visit to Prague. OMG, THIS ASTRONOMICAL CLOCK!! I envy you soooooo much! I wish I could see it by myself someday! Thank you so much for the photo! And geez, you are the very first person admitting that museums are wonderful! No one amongst my friends likes them and it hurts so much, because I couldn’t go to the Uffizi museum and Palazzo Vecchio in Florence. I would love to go to any museum with you then! Museum of sex toys sounds really interesting, mostly because it’s not about modern toys. Like, I would never thought that people could have such rich sex life! I heard that in Amsterdam and Paris there are similar museums. But! I bet you would love icelandic museum of punk. Ohh, I am pretty sure you would enjoy it! It’s really small, because well..Its former public toilet. Buuuut, if you like non-obvious museums this is definitely for you. Whale museum was also pretty good. Or I enjoyed it just because I love whales. I was also in a museum of teddy bears in Seoul and it was the cutest museum I have ever been in! Tell me more about that vegan restaurant! What good did you eat? I am not vege myself, but I avoid eating meat on a daily basis so it’s easy to make me excited with such things!

I am not sure if I am better. I mean, I changed my mind about being able to sleep all day. I am not able to sleep at all at the moment. I am tired and my eyelids are so heavy, but sleep never comes. I guess insomnia hits again, it's a never-ending circle. But I am concerned about your leg! I guess you had spoken with doctor since you got xray and usg. Did they say anything? Any ideas of what it could possibly be? It has to be something serious if you have problems with walking! How did you manage to go sightseeing in Prague? Babe, please, take care of yourself! And what does “health problem AGAIN” mean?! Have you had such a problem before?? It scares me like.. we just started adulthood? My friend sneezed and it made him lay in bed for 6 days not being able to move. Literally.

Yeah, I was in South Korea, but please, do not perceive me as your role model. Gods, it would be a terrible decision, really. But, I would love to share some stories with you if you want! I know it's a popular destination these days because of kpop. I used to listen to it, but I think a few years ago kpop was better? More interesting? Now I’m more into khh, but I think I can’t say that I’m into it anymore.

Talking about music! I discovered two new songs and I bet you know them already, but for me it was huge woah woah woah! First of it - Sabaton. Thay covered Metallica’s For Whom The Bell Tolls and they did it so good! Secondly - The Heart Asks Pleasure First. They basically made their own song based on one of my favourite piano songs. Oh my.. it’s sooo good!

And still talking about music! I just wanted to say that I also love our Wombo edits! That one with Ezio singing Stressed out was perfect! Mr Auditore looked very believably singing it. I liked the one with Edward and Haytham. I don’t know the song but it had such a christmas vibe! It made me think of Edward and Shay singing Last Christmas or some other shitty Christmas song together. Why them? No idea. I love Altair, but your latest headcanons could make me love them even more.

And! I just wanted to tell you that you inspired me to take japanese lessons on Duolingo. I am aware that such app won’t help me with learning such a language, but at least I can tell you that katakana sucks. Gods, I hate it so much. Hiragana is so pleasurable to learn. And I know katakana is visually similar, but it is a no no from me. I have learnt some basic kanji signs. And I just admire you so much more.

I hope you will have wonderful and peaceful week, Babe! Once again, please take care of yourself. Remember to have proper rest, sleep at least 8 hours and drink water! I hope your leg will be better soon!

🔪

Hey Knifey! I finally have the right mind set to respond to this ask!

So first of all thank you. You always make me blush with your kind words and I have no idea how to react! I want to squeaze you in a hug and give you all the sweets in the world!

As for the rest. You see i have always worked to hard on studying, so hard it actually burned out everything inside so now all i want to do i nothing! But i cant, i really want to go back to spending my free time in more creative way!

Omg Knifey! Finally i met a museum lover! And gods i want to visit them all! And you know? That Icelandinc museum sounds like such a goal, i want to go there 🥺 and Seoul museum of teddy bears?! I want to go there!

Honestly I love all museums and generally history. I enjoy visiting ruins of castles and villages, going to museums of everything! Art, machines, objects! There are always so many things and so many different ways to find the inspiration! And I always take so many photos for 'future references'. Some time ago i was in a gardens which showed different time of gardens of the world and there was this amazing exhibition of demons from Slavic mithology. That was so awesome! As well as Japanese garden!

In began restaurant i have this fried soy bites in some sweet-spicy sauce. So tasty! Im trying to recreate this recipe but so far its 1:0 for the soy :/

As for my leg. Its swollen AF bht i just... Put on my shoe and pretended it didnt exist. I can walk in good shoes but still im worried. As for that little again... I generally have some weird health issues. I had 5 surgeries for different stuff (spine, tumor, nose) so like... Generally i am healthy... Or at least i was until thst damned foot decided to show off. Its been 4 weeks and im still looking for a solution, running different tests and all. Hopefully they will figure out whag is going on.

Yes TELL ME ALL THE STORIES ABOUT KOREA.! I love stories, tell me everything!

Tbh i never listen ed to k-pop. I guess its just nkt my type of music but I enjoy some Japanese and Chinese songs (one i like is Arrogant by Xiao Zhang). I know songs you sent me and gods they are amazing! I love sabaton, rock/metal im general but I listen to all kind of music. Like Italian soundtrack from Winx, music from burlesque, Dragonforce, shanties. If there are k-pop songs you like you can always send then to me! Ill gladly listen to them all!

Im glad you like those wombos i guess i should make more! 😂😂

And gods. Katakana. 4 years of learning Japanese and I still need katakana board to remember those signs! And tbh i feel like Japanese duolingo has some mistakes ;/ but for Japanese i used lingodeer app and it was nice!

Knifey Im very sorry you have troubles sleeping. Is there something you can do to make it easier for you? Maybe you can take some melatonin pills? Maybe you are stressed? Can you maybe contact doctor, maybe they can help? I dont want anything bad to happen to you! Please take care of yourself? Pretty please?

Love you so much Knifey, you are such a sunshine and I just want you to be happy and healthy!

#Ask #Knifey #knifey my beloved

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sluttyten · 3 years

Note

okay okay first of everything: you're an excelent writer and the way you've gotten better over time is really impressive and insane. i loved how you portrayed the instability growing through out the scenes, as well as yn being a mom and dealing with everything around the situation being outed. i do have a few points and i hope you have patience for them :)

well my first point is winwin: i already love him too much for you to go ahead and make me fall even more in love with him, like he's such a sweetheart and is so clearly in love with both yn and mei it melted my heart. also his patience>>>>like when he walked in on her and xiaojun i swore he was going to he jealous but he proceeded to brush over those moments and focus on his daughter (even when he wasnt in the scene and it made a reference to him taking care of her?? miss my heart cant take those moments)

point 2, taeil: i cant help but love him but im so annoyed at how he gave up. like i understand how not all of them could keep going... but at one point he was crying at how much he loved them????? and suddenly he decides that he doesnt get to be there anymore???? ugh more self love for moon taeil, honestly its heartbreaking i cant talk more about him. good job developing his character though!! everything made sense when it came to his storyline and i hope he gets into a relationship in the future lmao

point 3, the other breakups: not much to say about jungwoo, taeyong and hendery. i can see how things would turn out wrong for woo if he insisted in the relationship + the hate getting to him + not getting as much attention as he might need, might become too much, glad he didnt wait too long. im just happy taeten are still together kwjsks, taeyong left the impression he did it more for yn than for himself but it he was a little disconnected so i get it i guess. hendery spat facts, i didnt really see him being too into the relationship so okay. same with xiaojun, though he was a little more involved so i got kind of startled at how quickly they ended things, rip. now... johnny... i really thought he was going to get more engaged after meu was born, guess i was wrong lmao.

point 4, the most important: here i come to tell you how i love winwin, and how i wish he can be endgame with the reader, HOWEVER, i'm here, on my knees, barbecue sauce on my tities (what?) begging you to not do my boy mark dirty!!!!!! really, i fear for his future with yn, he really really really really loves her your honor, its clear. he's the reason she met them all. she seems to really love him too. please dont let them break up!!!! please end this with a winmark poly relationship(and yuta and jaehyun too but thats not my point, please dont break marks heart im crying right now)

well... that was a ride, thank you for sharing the poly series with us💕💕💕💕💕💕 and dont take me too serious im sure wherever you take this will be amazing!!

So firstly I just want to say I love all of this!!! Like I said to that other anon, I really love getting feedback like this!!

So with Taeil he definitely does deserve better, and like I’ve said before, I really hate myself for how I wrote his storyline but like it just came out ☹️ he deserves better and he’ll have a happier future with someone who makes him happier and gives him the love he deserves.

Winwin is definitely very chill in that scene 😂 I think he just wants to be the best dad he can be for Mei, like the moment he first saw her she became his whole world, so he loves YN of course but for him everything is about Mei and just being present and a good figure for her.

For your points about the other breakups, there was a time when I did think that having Taeyong bow out was a bad idea, and I wanted him to stay, but then I thought about how I’ve written his relationship with Ten in the story and it just felt more like that would be a better place for him. Xiaojun was really into the relationship and things did end super quickly but I think there’s some things there that neither he nor YN really addressed. And if Johnny had gotten more attention from YN rather than feeling like he was constantly being brushed off in favor of the other guys, he probably gladly would’ve gotten more involved but I think he just realized that she’s always going to be splitting her attention and he was just tired of it.

And lastly I love your comments about Mark! I’ve seen people hating on Mark (not really but kinda...... looking at that one anon 👀) and saying like they do not want him there in the end

But I’m working on the final finale, so we’ll all see soon 😊

#asks #oh my goodness I’m sorry I thought I answered this yesterday with all the others

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sabraeal · 4 years

Text

Merry & Bright, Chapter 9

Written for @k-itsmaywriting, who won third place in my 500 follower raffle...two years ago. Listen guys, I have had some REALLY GOOD REASONS for not finishing those yet. Just don’t check.

The thing about being a foster is: everything sucks.

Not that good things don’t happen-- if there’s one thing the system taught him, it’s that life is an endless roller coaster of ups and downs, and you really learn to love the straightaways-- but the scale changes. Other kids would get cars for their birthday, or they’d get to study abroad a semester, but Obi--

Obi had the bedroom catty-corner to bathroom.

For a kid who hadn’t been in a house with less than five kids and more than one full bath for close to a decade, the location had been choice. Prime real estate. The number of mornings he’d lain in wait, never moving from the warm cocoon of his covers until Toddy’s lumbering shuffle scuffled down at the end of the hall, just to dash across and snipe the first shower-- that would be all of them.

But tonight-- god, tonight--

Obi braces his hand against the wall, watching water whirl down the drain. It’s the safest place to look; once glance up and he’ll be contending with the mirror. Not that the mirror is the problem, oh no. It’s what’s in it that’ll make him crack his head on the tile.

His room is catty-corner to the bathroom, which means the second he looks up he sees her.

It’s fine. It’s fine. Doc’s passed out on every bed he’s slept in since he’s known her. There were entire weeks he wasn’t sure she even knew she had her own room in the frat; if they tallied up the nights she spent in her bed versus the ones she spent in his, he suspects his doubts would not be unfounded.

This shouldn’t be any different. It’s just one more place he’s slept, and one more that she’s shared. It’s just Doc, wearing only one of her too-large conference T-shirts, sprawled out on his bed.

And he saw parts of her. Parts he doesn’t usually see. A bare back, a hint of more thigh, the briefest, barest glimpse of a curve of a breast--

He scrubs a hand down his face, stubble rasping against his palm. It shouldn’t be different but it is-- he might be used to her wearing shorts and a tee and baring a mile of leg at home, but seeing it against the unrelenting black of his high school comforter is something else entirely. Like something right out of his weirdest wet dream.

And this isn’t a natural occurrence; an unplanned side effect of her being the size of the Energizer Buddy with a battery life half as long. This is planned. They are choosing to be in bed together. Because he’s too much of a fuck up to have a real girlfriend to bring home, and Doc’s too nice to ruin it for him.

Obi pulls himself upright, dropping his toothbrush back into its holder. He made this bed, and now it’s time to lay in it. Literally.

Doc doesn’t look up when he pads back into the room. Doesn’t jump when he shuts the door behind him. Doesn’t say anything as he wends around the bed, trying to adjust his angle of approach. Just stares up at the ceiling, jaw clenched, brow furrowed.

He flicks off the light, and it’s not until the mattress dips beneath him that he hears her sigh. Not a nice, oh Obi let’s cuddle sigh, but a I’m pissed you haven’t put my clues together, Blue.

“Something wrong?” he ventures, not even bothering to cover himself. If she’s going to kick him out of bed, he’s not going to waste time getting cozy first.

Doc huffs, rolling to face him. “I thought we talked about this.”

He launches himself upright, swinging his legs off the bed. “You’re right. I’ll go find Gayle. I’m sure she can scrounge up another--”

“No!” Her fingers band around his bicep, gentling guiding him back down. She squiggles closer when he’s settled, knees poking into his thigh. “I didn’t mean any of, um, this. I meant with Ryuu.”

He stares at her, blank.

“You know what it’s like when you don’t feel the same as everyone else.” Her hand unlatches, palm running soothingly over his arm. “We don’t know what he likes yet.”

He thinks about the poor kid, about the number for cute skater girls-- and skater boys-- who have bounced right off the impenetrable shell of his hyperfocus. “He probably doesn’t even know what he likes yet.”

“Exactly.” Her knees knock against him, excited. “And we need to leave space for whatever he finds. We need to do better for him than what was done for us.”

He hums, stilling her hand with his. “We are, Doc.”

“Then you shouldn’t tease him about girls when--”

“Doc.” He has to bite his cheek not to laugh. “I know this isn’t really what you’re used to when it comes to the high school experience but--” he can’t help himself, he grins-- “he was not talking about a girl very loudly.”

Her chin drops, right against his arm. “Oh. Oh. Are you--?”

“Please,” he drawls, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “I’m a connoisseur of not talking about girls and boys. And that...that was not talking about a girl.”

“Huh.” Her head rolls back along his arm, hair tickling his elbow. “Who do you think it is?”

“Oh, now who’s not giving him space?” He squeezes her close, playful. “What happened to waiting until he was ready to talk to us?”

“I’m not asking him.” Her nose nuzzles into his side. “I’m asking you.”

Obi presses a had to his chest, affronted. “You’re asking me to betray a confidence? I’m shocked, utterly shocked.”

“No, I didn’t mean--”

He squeezes her again, letting her words fizzle out before he says, “I’d tell you if I knew, Doc, but I don’t. We’ll just have to pump Kirito for all the juicy goss when we get back.”

“No, no, we don’t need to do that,” she says. “I’ll just text Shidan--”

“Oh, come on,” Obi laughs. “Aren’t you the one who always thinks information is better given than taken or whatever?”

Doc whines, squirming against him in a way that makes him think less about Ryuu’s situation and more about his own. “I just want to know if she’s nice or if she’ll hurt his feelings, or--”

He holds up his hand, stoppering up the flood of anxiety. “Leave it. A boy his age needs some secrets.”

Her eyes shine up at him in the dark, and feels rather than sees her lips cant against his shoulder. “Oh? And what sort of secrets do you have at fifteen?”

Obi stiffens. Not just a quick flinch; oh no, he’s got to full on embarrass himself with a full-body tetanus, teeth gritting down with a clack.

I was fourteen and it was more than kissing.

Doc’s head jolts up, eyes wide. “Oh! Obi, I’m so-- I didn’t even think--”

“It’s fine,” he lies. “I don’t think Ryuu will have any of those.”

He’s made sure he hasn’t. There wasn’t any Orphan Club to look out for him when he was a kid, but Obi will be damned if Ryuu goes through any of the stuff he had to. Sure, he’s not a foster, and yeah, his parents are technically alive, even if they communicate with him solely through his bank balance but still-- that’s not parenting. If he can’t count the number of times they’ve called Shidan to make sure he isn’t some child-murdering pedophile, it’s because it’s impossible to count lower than zero.

Silence stretches over them, thick and itchy as wool blanket. This is the worst part of having a tragic childhood. Sure, all the shit that happened to him as a kid was, well, shitty, but it’s in the past, something he can stuff in his mental closet-- even if that psych in Wistal frowned when he mentioned it-- and forget about until it surfaces uncontrollably at the worst fucking time. But this, this--

It’s worse. Having people who love him and respect him suddenly pull away like he’s made of glass, like he’ll break if they so much as breathe on him-- it sucks. Whoever wrote fear is the mind killer never had a sucky enough childhood to cause an awkward silence, and it showed.

Obi nearly jumps out of his skin when an arm slaps across him, followed by at least half of Doc’s body weight. A leg hooks around his, tugging her flush against his side.

“I know.” The words are muffled by his chest. “He has us.”

The quiet takes on a different texture now. It’s not the sound of not knowing what to say, but of nothing more needing saying; the subtle satisfaction of knowing and being know in return. It’s comfortable, warm, like the way her body relaxes into his, the safest space he’s ever known.

Obi’s nearly asleep when she tenses, when she asks, “What happened to Shannon?”

It was a mistake to leave her alone with Kelly Ann. His mind is a steel trap, but the timeline of his sexual history was what Yuzuri would deem a hot mess. Most of it wasn’t performed fully sober either. But Kelly Ann...

Kelly Ann never forgets a single fuck up. Probably takes them out and shines them every once and a while with a smile on her face.

His brain races through his list of high school flings but comes up short. “Shannon?”

“Her picture is up on the mantle,” she murmurs softly, almost shy. “Laila said she was an-- an angel.”

His heart plummets into his stomach. File this under ‘things he should have explained before they left.’ “Oh, Shannon.”

It’s an effort to lie still, to just breathe. “She’s Bob and Gayle’s daughter.”

“I got that.” Doc nuzzles her head into his shoulder, kneading at his pecs like they’re particularly stubborn pillows. “She died.”

His breath sighs out of him. “Yeah, a long time ago. Before either of us were born.”

That’s not enough information, not to survive Christmas, but he can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t his story to tell. He’s a few years and a heap of paperwork short on being enough of one of them to talk about it. Still, short of just telling Doc to ask around, he’s the only one who can.

“She had...I don’t know, some lung disease.” He’d shrug his shoulders if she wasn’t using them as a pillow. He settles for squeezing her instead, enjoying the steady tap of her heart against his ribs. “No one really talks about it, but I guess it was long and slow. She was a teenager when she died.”

Doc lays silent for a long moment. “There wasn’t anything...?”

“It was the eighties,” he explains, “and from what I’ve picked up, the life expectancy today isn’t much brighter. Like...twenties or something.”

“Gosh, that’s...awful.” Her nails scrape over his chest, tucking into her palm. “But she was their-- there weren’t any, um....?

“She was born with it.” He can’t imagine that, knowing from the start there was nothing to do but wait, that you’d have only a handful of years before they’d be gone. “They said it’d be a miracle if she lived to see twenty. Gayle gave up her job to take care of her, you know, doing the medical stuff she needed to stay alive. They just...wanted as much time with her as they could get, and any other kid born into that, well...”

“It wouldn’t be fair,” she says, pained. “How could you explain to another child that you weren’t playing favorites, but that their sister was going to--” she shakes her head, and something wet settles on his skin-- “I get it.”

He wishes there was an easy way to make things better, a way to wrap this whole awkward shit sundae up with a bow or whatever, but...there isn’t. There’s no heartwarming but she’s the reason they saved me, because he up and bolted before they could. He’s got a big fucker of a scar across his chest to prove that all their goodness never changed him, at least not enough to matter.

“What about Lori?” Doc asks, because tonight’s the night for picking at scabs, it seems. “Laila called her an angel too.”

“That was their first foster.” He only barely knows this story, told to him by Kelly Ann almost a decade ago in the hushest of tones, and only to inform him how bad he fucked up. “She was Shannon’s roommate I guess, toward the, um...end. Mom died of some cancer and she became a ward of the state, and Bob and Gayle...”

“Did what they did best,” she offers, so sincere it hurts.

“Yeah.” His throat aches. “That.”

Her fingers slip between his. He thinks she might say something, might ask for more history he hardly knows and doesn’t own, but instead she squeezes his hand, stilling against him, breath easing into a lull.

“Goodnight, Obi,” she murmurs, sleep thick in her voice.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Goodnight.”

It’s not the first time Shirayuki’s awoken with a shiver, a warm breath tickling her neck and something far lower poking into her back. But it is the first time since-- since that night, and what had seemed so innocent, just a healthy reaction to sleep and proximity to a warm body, feels very different now.

His mouth lays slack against her skin, breath puffing hotly across the sensitive hairs of her nape. The heat there is only rivaled by the one trembling beneath the palm on her belly, a slow roil that sets her blood to a tantalizing simmer. They hadn’t fallen asleep like this-- she’s been so careful to arrange herself so she’d do little move than roll into the levee of his chest-- but somehow she’s the little spoon again, and, by the feel of it, someone’s ready to fork.

He grunts, hips shifting and hand tucking her close. What had been a mere hint through dress slacks in a hallway is now-- haah-- a full investigation against her back. And it’s, ah, definitely not a small one. Many, many lines of inquiry.

Shirayuki groans, burying her face in the pillow. It’s her. She’s the one ready to fork. And Obi’s just--

“I hope we’re all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning.” Gayle sweeps into the room, ruthlessly flicking on the light. “Got a whole lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in.”

Obi jolts, the whole length of his erection pressing hard against her ass, she-- she yelps. Just a little.

“Five more minutes,” he groans, hand flexing against her stomach, fingers brushing down to where her T-shirt has ridden up and--

And he stills, like he’s been caught snatching snickerdoodles off the tray.

“None of that business, mister.” Gayle bustles in, pulling on one of his shades until it snaps up, perfectly hung in the window. “If I let you alone now, all I’ll get is the same trouble when I come back.”

“R-really.” He’s definitely more awake, but his voice cracks. “Just-- a minute. I’ll, um, get right up.”

He wriggles behind her, like he can’t decide whether it’s safer to edge away or hide in her, and she realizes-- he’s hard. He’s hard, and his mom is right there, squinting down at him like she’s trying to pick the lock on his diary.

Shirayuki reaches back, palm resting on his hip, and he stills. “Don’t worry, Gayle,” she chirps brightly, “I know how to get him up.”

Gayle turns to her, eyes wide, and Obi’s forehead bonks into her shoulder. “Oh, honey,” she says, grin lighting up her face. “I just bet you do.”

Obi honks like a dying goose into her shoulder blade. “She didn’t mean--”

“Breakfast should be up in fifteen minutes.” Gayle approaches the hall with a buoyant step. “I won’t send up a search party if you’re late.”

With a wink, she shuts the door firmly. Obi flops onto his back with a groan.

“What?” She blinks. “Do you really need five more minutes?”

His head rolls toward her, eyes fixed on her with a sullen glare. “You know how to get me up, huh?”

“Wh--oh,” she yelps, clapping her hands over her mouth. “I didn’t-- you don’t think she--?”

“Oh, she definitely did.” He rolls over, face-first into his pillow.

Shirayuki blinks. “Aren’t you going to get up?”

“Uh-uh,” he murmurs, hugging his pillow tight. “If she thinks we’re having the world’s best good morning, I have at least twenty minutes to spare.”

“Come on now, keep up,” Gayle chides, hounding their heels into Harris Teeter the way corgis do to toddlers. “We’ve got a late start--” she eyes them both with an expression that couldn’t be mistaken for anything but smug-- “but I think we can still come out on top.”

“It’s six am,” Shirayuki murmurs, leaning into Obi. “Does she know it’s six am?”

“Oh, she definitely does,” he confirms with the tiredest dog-eyed look he can muster this early. “We’re running on Christmas Time.”

Her jaw hangs slack, turning into a yawn. “Christmas time?”

“We need to make cookies,” Gayle informs her, abandoning the carriage for a deep dive into the sprinkle section.

“Oh.” Shirayuki stares after her, lost. “I didn’t realize this was serious.”

“Cookies are very serious business,” Obi confirms, heaving a sigh as Gayle holds two frosting tins up to the light. “I don’t know who she thinks she’s fooling. She’s just going to make her own. Here--” he reaches in front of her, hooking his hand around the flashy red handle-- “let me grab the buggy--”

“The what?”

He blinks, eyes as clear as amber. “The cart?”

“That’s not what you said,” she insists. “You said-- what did you call it--?”

“Same difference.”

“It is not.”

“It’s a regional thing.” He shrugs, shoulders hovering up around his ears. He’s not an blusher, but she could swear she sees some pink lingering at the tips of his ears. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I wouldn’t,” she informs him primly. “Except we’ve been going to the store for years now, and I’ve never heard you say that word in your life--”

An unbelievable amount of sprinkles clatters into the cart. “Well,” Gayle says, mouth wide. “That should be enough for the cookies.”

Obi frowns, picking up a thirty ounce jar of nonpareils. “Enough for an army of them.”

Shirayuki grins, poking him until he squeaks. “So just about enough to fill one of your stomachs.”

“Hey.” He presses a hand to his chest, lifting his chin regally. “It would be at least one and a half.”

Gayle huffs out a laugh. “You two are going to make such cute kids. Look at you, just flirting right in the middle of Baking Needs.”

Shirayuki flushes red hot, hem to hairline. “No! We’re not--”

“C’mon then.” Gayle turns on her heel, heading to the back of the store. “We’ll have to get enough for dinner too. Gonna need it after all that cookie making.”

Shirayuki glances down into the cart. “There’s more people coming, right?” she murmurs, only just holding back a helpless whine. “We’re not just making...all of these ourselves.”

“Don’t worry, Doc.” He slings an arm around her shoulders, side pressing warmly into hers. “I’ll help you.”

“Mm,” she hums, dubious. “Eat them, maybe.”

“There won’t be none of that,” Gayle calls back, inspecting a package of ground beef. “Bob need your help downstairs.”

“Aw, no,” Obi groans, shoulders slumping. “Not--”

“You bet your buttons, mister.” She drops a pair of four-pounders right into the cart. “It’s time to put up the Christmas Village.”

18 notes · View notes

kiribaku-queen · 3 years

Note

10, please 👀👀

Thanks for asking bb!

10) Do you have unposted works?

Oh, of course! I have tons! I actually have so many ideas that I've already written that I'm afraid that I won't get to some of them for like.. another year?? omg I hate that. But let me share a few with you! And please tell me what you think and if you'd read it!

If you're interested, they are all under the cut!

ALRIGHT!

1. I've got a villain!Bakugou au, where reader is dating Deku, but he is too caught up in his work or doing something and invalidates readers feelings, being kind of toxic and what not. then Bakugou kidnaps you and tells you everything you want to hear and more. i like the saying of 'heroes will give you up to save the whole world, but villains will the world up for you' something like that. i love that concept and i 1000000% agree with that!

2. i got this idea of revolving a story about the second lead. so reader is the side character of a story instead of the main and see how their life is like. i dont know how I'm going to do it but I thought it was a unique idea

3. kidnapper = lover concept. spoiler alert??? you wake up in your kidnappers apartment and you are basically trapped there. not able to do anything. but slowly, the kidnapper is softening up and allows you to do more things? so Stockholm syndrome, but with a twist!

4. I've got a couple Haikyuu fics coming your way! I have a short short series for the Miya twins! reader is dating Osamu in secret, especially from Atsumu and when he finds out, its not good! so reader makes the decision: are they going to break up for save the brothers relationship?

5. Iwaizumi oneshot: where reader and Iwa are dating and its his birthday. so reader is trying to do a surprise birthday party for him and is secretly texting Oikawa to help plan. but Iwa takes this the wrong way and thinks CHEATER CHEATER! but reader tries not to let it get to them and the party still happens. but reader slips away and retreats back to their house, far, far away.

6. PRINCE!KIRISHIMA AU. omgggg i literally cant wait to do this one because i already have a commission done for this one! this will probably be my next mini series. but its reader, and reader is a princess but is taking a trip to their cousins small villa. there, reader meets kirishima who is also hiding his cover as prince. they both fall in love for the summer, but reader has to go back because they are engaged to someone. super heartbroken

7. some fluff! a Bakugou or even BNHA series where its the 7 love languages. id think it would be sooo cutE!

thanks for reading! let me know which ones you want to read!

[send me a number!]

#thank you for sending in an ask!#i really loved answering this question!#lets play a game #send in an ask!

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tortured-swiftie · 4 years

Text

@revouries sorry it took so long but here is my full list of song recs! Ps - it is loooooong

So I’m still very surprised anyone is even interested in this but its a really cool thing to share! This playlist has taken me close to a decade to create and I’ve been asked to share it with you all! Fair warning - heavy spoilers, and a lot is based on ship angst, don’t come for me. Also I have only read TDA twice and its been maybe a year since I did so I don’t remember everything perfectly. I had a lot more time with TMI because I read them for years and years. TID & TLH don’t really have soundtracks for me, because of the time period these modern songs really feel wrong when I read those series.

TMI :

Battle in Hotel Dumort in CoB -

- I’m So Sorry - Imagine Dragons

The pace of this song, the sinister notes, the danger it invokes just brings this scene alive. But also, this is the first time Clary feels like a Shadowhunter. She fights and its not terrible. She feels powerful instead of like a liability. Shes able to hold her own while talking to a clan of vampires. Its badass and fits the song.

Seelie Court kiss scene in CoA -

- The Violet Hour - The Civil Wars

Its such a beautifully haunting song, its sweet on the one hand but something wrong lies underneath it. It is so so perfect, because Clace is getting what they’ve wanted, but by hurting those around them. They get to give in for once, without the guilt attached, they have someone to blame for all this. But it ends on this very uneasy note, because it isnt right. So much of it is not right and Clace are not satisfied because it wasn’t a real kiss or real declaration of love

Jace and Clary after the meeting with the Seelie Queen in the Institute in CoA -

- Black Flies - Ben Howard

This is a very Jace song for me. Its quiet, peaceful, but the words are hurtful and honest. “No man is an island” fits him so perfectly at this time in his life where he feels abandoned by Valentine, abandoned by Mayrse, abandoned by literally everyone so he wants to make it worse by committing to Clary. She is so unsure of him because of the repercussions it would cause and he wants her in this moment because of the repercussions. He wants to isolate himself so he cant be hurt by those he loves.

Jace meets Valentine on the boat CoA -

- Silence Worth Breaking - Brooke Annibale

This is where Valentine really shows off how manipulative he is, and as a reader you start to believe how easy it would be to get around to his way of thinking. imo this is the best villain CC has written, because you find yourself agreeing with him sometimes and he makes it difficult to argue from a different perspective. The first time I read this scene I was convinced he was going to go with Valentine. The song is foreboding, it is anxious, and makes you think something bad is around the corner, which at this point in the book you feel like something bad is bound to happen

Simon is about to die on the back of Luke’s truck end of CoA-

- Wait - M83

This just perfectly conveys the grief and fear and guilt Clary feels when she thinks Simon is about to die. She brought him into this life, he turned into a vampire because of her, he was tortured by Valentine because of her and just as they saved him he is going to die. Its the loss of innocence and childhood for Clary. Simon is the last piece of it stripped away from her. First her mum, then her belief system in her whole world, then Luke, and now Simon. She is stripped all the way down to the bone of her identity and this scene is quick, but intense for this reason for me.

Clary and Jace meet up for lunch at the end of CoA -

- Distance - Christina Perri

This is such a sad song, and the sweetness of Christina Perri’s voice pairs beautifully in this scene with a feeling of a bittersweet kind of resigned acceptance. Clary had wanted so bad for Jace to let her go, she had convinced herself that her feelings weren’t that strong. And now here she is accepting her true feelings and ready to kind of wrap Jace around herself like a security blanket and he tells her exactly what she wanted to hear earlier. Except now she has to be a big girl and face her life without anyone holding her hand. She has to grow up and thats what makes this scene so sad, this is Clary realising its time to grow up.

Clary and Jace find Ithuriel in CoG -

- Goodbye Godric - Nathan Barr

This song was always ethereal and otherworldly, the notes are awe inspiring and convey this grief that is so abstract and not individualistic, it is beyond the human experience. Clary and Jace’s complete altruism and empathy in this scene matches with the grieving tones, how helpless they feel at this beautiful creatures pain, and how much they want to do something but they don’t know what. Then Ithuriel shows them visions and its even worse than they imagined. The misery that exists in these walls caused by Valentine, the waste of energy and life and soul is amplified by the music. The music soars as Ithuriel is set free, and the manor home crumbles.

Clary and Jace make out session outside the newly ruined Wayland Manor CoG -

- Maybe Tomorrow - Stereophonics

This wild abandon kissing perfectly matches the mood and pace of this song. Its all over the place, its messy, its confusing. Its giving into pure passion. Its abandoning any pretences they have built up and watching reality crash back down on them.

Isabelle wants Simon to distract her after Max dies in CoG -

- Not Everything Was Better In The Past - Fink

This is such a tenderly played song, and is easy on the ears, but there is a rawness there. Isabelle is completely stripped away, raw grief and anger and guilt eating away at her. When she lets Simon in she is ferocious and wants to show him her toughness. But Simon sees through it all to a scared young girl who is lost in this sea of grief. Its a sweet Sizzy moment

Jace telling Clary he loves her for the first time in CoG -

- Leave a Light On (ACOUSTIC) - Tom Walker

Jace shouldering the responsibility of finding Valentine by himself, essentially sacrificing himself to the cause, hes grief stricken, and yet feels barred from that grief. I know we experienced this scene from Clary’s POV but this song works so well from his POV. He wants to tell the girl he loves how he feels, he wants one night with her to feel normal and feel loved, and to pretend just for a little while that there is nothing wrong with that. This very stripped version of the song is much much much more raw, and that’s what Jace feels like in this scene, all the walls are down and he wants to show his real face to this one girl

Clary showing off her rune skills in the council chamber in CoG -

- I Found - Amber Run

This was the first scene I imagined from a filmmaking perspective, how to best present this scene. I imagined this entire scene from Jocelyn’s POV, frame by frame, as she walks into the council room very quietly and watches her baby walk up and address everyone in desperation, voice shaking but standing her ground. Grown, bigoted, adults judging her and are fearful but she is still showing them what she’s worth. I imagined Jocelyn’s entire world view shifting because she is in awe of this powerful girl Clary has become. She watches her daughter no longer as a little girl but as a formidable Shadowhunter that could handle the cards she had been dealt in life. Just a very transformative moment and pivotal in how we see Clary in the TSC universe

Lilith takes over Jace’s mind and disappears with Sebastian at the end of CoFA-

- I’ll Keep Coming - Low Roar

This song starts out so uneasy, it cant settle down, and that’s exactly how I feel when Jace sends Clary downstairs. I want to scream at her to stay, but knowing Lilith would always take over no matter what. Its a very dark moment, because no one wants to lose control of themselves and it must have been pretty scary at first. Its an anxious scene, paired with an anxious song

Magnus takes happy memories away in CoLS -

- Howl - Jake Houlsby

Magnus is looking very sad when he does this, especially what he says to Simon. Its such a knowing look, Magnus is no stranger to this kind of sorrow, but still to be witness to it over and over must take its toll. It just makes me think of the endless road stretching out ahead of him and how lonely and terrifying that must feel for him. Just a beautiful song to go with a sad moment in this scene

Clary at the Faerie club with Jace and Sebastian CoLS -

- Faded - Alan Walker

- Darkside - Alan Walker

At this point in the story you feel a lot like Clary is getting too comfortable and is maybe losing sight of the mission she’s on. These two songs are very club sounding to me, and tonally fits the mood of the chapter. Clary is quite literally lost in that moment with the Faerie drugs and the dancing and the atmosphere

Clary dancing with Sebastian CoLS -

- Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood

First of all lyrically….it cannot get more perfect. “Go ahead and cry little girl nobody does it like you do, I know that you got daddy issues. And if you were my little girl, Id do whatever I could do…” it just conveys the creepiness of Sebastians interactions with Clary and how weird she felt when he was dancing with her and how wrong it felt. This is a very short moment in this chapter but it really creeped me out. And this song conveys perfectly this feeling of haziness of the Faerie drugs and this uneasiness that surrounds Sebastian

Simon drinks from Isabelle CoLS -

- Harvest Love - Tash Sultana

This is a pretty soulful, sensual song. And when Simon drinks from Isabelle and he describes the euphoria that comes with that, the description of how his nerves react to the fresh blood just remind me of the part in this song where the drums and music soars the highest (start around 3:32, and it reaches its peak around 4:48) its honestly one of the sexiest scenes CC has written, even including all the Jemma scenes

Magnus and Alec break up in CoLS -

- Evergreen - Ben Howard

First time reading this I was so so angry at Alec, and felt the sorrow and anger coming off Magnus. This song is very dark, and very sinister. Magnus completely misunderstood what Alec was trying to do, and applied the most sinister meaning to his actions. It is their perfect breakup song imo full of angst

Clary traps the Heavenly Fire into her sword in CoHF -

- Outro - M83

This is another scene I imagined cinematically. The first half of the song is where Clary slowly makes her way over to Jace and she suddenly has faith in herself that she can do this. Then we watch her take Jace’s hands as the radioactive wind sounds start and the flames are swirling around them but not touching them. Cut to Magnus and Luke seeing the colour on the horizon, and the flash that shows its over. Cut back to Clary drawing the Heavenly Fire into the sword as the music swells around her. The words are so so powerful, and they always felt very ethereal to me “I’m the King of my own land” This is Clary fully embracing her power and fully utilising it. Its no longer something separate from her, but she IS her power.

Clary killing Sebastian, pretty much a lot of the scenes before the time jump CoHF-

- Saturn (both acoustic and original version) - Sleeping At Last

This song is definitely an end of film/book / end of heroes journey material. Simon sacrificing himself so they can get back, Clary killing Sebastian and forgiving him, Clary scattering the ashes of Sebastian and finally grieving the past years trauma (all of the TMI journey), the Faeries being condemned by the Clave and Helen getting exiled. Its beautiful, its sad, its momentous, its not a regular song.

Alec finds Magnus in Edom in CoHF -

- I Of The Storm - Of Monsters and Men

The steady drum beat adds a sense of steadiness and calmness in this song. Its not a joyful getting back together but they’re both glad the other is alive and are both forgiving each other. For me, this is when I truly started shipping Malec. The growth, the strength of character begins from this moment. This is when they become a couple I love because this is when they commit to each other flaws and all

Isabelle introduces herself to Simon at the end of CoHF -

- Golden Dandelions - Barns Courtney

Isabelle has always felt like a full punch character, no half measures and all that. The feeling Simon describes when he first spots this beautiful girl walking directly up to him is how this song starts, for me at least. The drums, the barely contained excitement, the curiosity, and faint recognition. This song is a full punch song right from the get go and it felt like such a remarkable Isabelle moment

After Jocelyn & Luke’s wedding in COHF -

- From Gold - Novo Amor

It is such a bittersweet, and peaceful song. There are so many endings in this scene, and so many new beginnings. They are all grieving, one way or another, and are all allowing themselves to evolve. Their journey is over, and at the end of this book I had this sense of saying goodbye to these characters (retiring them so to speak) because I wasn’t sure how much they would be involved with the future of the TSC world. Im glad they are still a big part of it, but they will never be the main focus again.

TDA:

Julian and Emma dance in LM -

- Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran

The sexual tension, and the dread they both feel because of their feelings just makes this scene so dramatic to me, and this song softens it a little. Especially if you are re-reading the series you feel this tenderness because they so badly wanted to avoid falling in love

Mark and Kieran in the Hunt -

- Dance Me To The End of Love - The Civil Wars

This is a pretty offbeat quirky song, a little sad, a little wistful, a little mournful, sensual, but tones of wildly abandoning all you know and giving into baser desires. Whenever Mark thinks of his time with Kieran in the Hunt, his memories sound like this song. They experienced very high highs, and very low lows. They were degraded, the lowest you could possibly feel as a living creature. Yet they were riding into the night, sleeping under the stars in places only known to Faeries. There was no one watching them, and no one to stop them from being together. There is tenderness in their relationship, but also knowledge that they are only together because they have no one else. Its happiness without truly feeling like you have a choice about it. You have to be happy together because you cant find this happiness elsewhere. They are forced into being in love a little bit, because the alternative is so much worse. This is one of the reasons why I couldn’t ship them at first, because they hadnt really chosen each other. Only when they were presented with other options and they till chose each other did I start seeing their potential.

Julian and Emma on the beach LM -

- Next To You - Of Rust & Bone

This scene completely took me by surprise, and is very unlike CC because love scenes normally take place quite late into any series she has. This one was filled with anxiety, and tension because the characters quite literally fell into their feelings. There was no forethought, no sense of taking stock of what they were doing. And they ended up feeling such different things about it afterwards. So for me this songs darker moods perfectly pairs with this scene

Kieran and Mark argue/break up LM & LoS -

- Fade Away - Tom Walker

This song has such raw power, such dark emotion and anger and a sense of betrayal that it perfectly captures their emotionally charged scenes. Mark can never be the same Mark that belonged to Kieran when he had no one, because now he has his family. And Kieran is still the same man who has no one but Mark. I hated him the first time I read LM and most of LoS but their chemistry is hard to resist. Especially as they evolve as characters as well as a couple. They are wild and unmoored sometimes and there’s something exciting about characters you just cant pin down.

Emma & Jules’ strained relationship LM & LoS -

- 9 Crimes - Damian Rice

When Emma is “with” Mark there is this strange chemistry between her and Julian. Both have hurt each other at different times, but this was really like a stalemate. Neither could really move on, and both were angry at eachother. As more and more people found out/realised about the feelings they had were more than parabatai this tension grew. Because they’re not just falling in love, they are also actively choosing to hurt one another. They are certainly not an example of a healthy relationship but I felt in some way they were the realest. Because sometimes relationships hurt and sometimes you do things you have to do even if that isnt what’s best for your relationship. This song perfectly captures this push and pull they have, and how falling in love wasn’t blissful happiness for them. It was pain and secrets and hurting.

Annabel rising, killing Malcolm LoS -

- As It Was - Hozier

Since we’re watching this scene from above, a very unnatural and cinematic perspective, the scene feels unreal. Like it was a dream and didn’t happen. I felt genuine fear and uneasiness when Annabel is slowly brought back to life, skin growing over old bones. This song has notes that aren’t usually arranged together, instruments that are usually a bigger part of a quartet, and somehow that arrangement feels just a little wrong. It feels different, sinister, and uneasy. It feels like its missing several instruments, or some notes have been played incorrectly. Hozier’s voice is his best in this song, very strained, but so controlled, bringing forth very intense emotions

Christina and Mark at the revel LoS (I couldn’t remember if this was in LoS or QOAAD) -

- Now You’re Gone - Tom Walker & Zara Larsson

Christina really let herself go during this scene, and we see a completely different side to her. She is adventurous, risky, and she would make anyone say “fuck it lets do this” I always liked Christina but I always felt she was very predictable until this point. We see how intensely she is interested in Faeries, and how personally invested she is in their culture. She allows herself to be swept up, and embraces it rather than fears it. She honestly seems fearless here, and is the definition of temptation. She is quite literally tempting Mark, and its sexy a f

Jules & Emma burn down the church LoS -

- Esmeralda - Ben Howard

This was the first time their relationship excited me, because during this scene I fully expected they would go into full thirst mode but they didn’t. They were still very sensual and sexual and intense, but in a very very different way. There is something attractive about someone who’s willing to burn the world down, who has a little bit of an anarchist side. Its human nature to feel some attraction to these traits, and this scene definitely stirred feelings in me

Emma fights Fal LoS -

- Put It On Me - Matt Maeson

This song both tonally and in its pacing elevates this scene to new levels. Its not a typical battle song, it has a steady pace. But Emma’s description of how the battle is stripped down because of the rain, how she prefers this kind of fight where its her, her weapon and the elements. Its pure, and we get to see Emma in full fighter mode. She is an extension of Cortana, and they belong together. This is without a doubt my favourite fight scene to date. It just brings alive the visuals in such a dynamic way. Very storyboard-able.

Julian holding Livvy as she dies LoS -

- Losing Your Memory - Ryan Star

This song is harrowing, and its just pure pain, raw grief balled into one intense song. The lyrics just pull you into Julian’s mental state “wake up, its time, little girl, wake up” just kills me. As the music intensifies and the singer is practically screaming the lyrics it just feels like that’s what it must have been like inside of Julian’s mind. He wasn’t screaming out loud but his mind must have been very loud

Julian and Emma shower together QOAAD -

- Promise - Ben Howard

Julian dry heaving because he doesnt know how to cry. Fucking heartbreaking in a very quiet way. After the noise of loss, the quiet moments where you have to face grief is devastating. Emma being an anchor, holding him in place and trying to keep the world away from him so he doesnt hurt anymore is just harrowing. They’re just kids but the grief they feel is so adult. And when you lose someone like that, and someone is there for you that solidifies so much in that relationship. They become a part of something you can never let go of. Even if that relationship doesnt last, they will always be apart of that memory. And Emma sticking by him, despite the danger and promises they have made themselves is proof that she is the one for him

Kieran and Christina dance QOAAD -

- Senorita - Shawn Mendes & Camilla Cabello

This song is sensual, its sexual, its got hooks that quite literally sound like orgasms its such a playful song. When I read this scene this song popped in my head right away. When Christina is dancing with Mark its the same kind of feeling I got from her at the revel, except this time there is no supernatural influence, its just her and her feelings. It was a sexy scene, and when Kieran walks in we all expected something very different. What followed is what elevates this scene, Christina has no clue how to react to Kieran, and yet she is mesmerised by him. She dances with him in a way we would never have imagined her doing this in LM. It shows evolution of character, for all three of them. And the fact that Mark is watching, and he’s not angry just makes this scene even sexier. You can practically feel the sexual tension in the air coming off the pages of the book.

Malec wedding QOAAD -

- That Girl Is You - Dave Matthews Band

This song brings me so much peace, the kind of peace that comes with knowing someone for years, and relying on them, knowing they are a permanent fixture in your life. Its exciting, but in a quiet way. Its a very atypical wedding song, because of the unusual style of singing. But I think it represents Malec really well at this point in their journey, they have gotten over many obstacles, often themselves, in this relationship. Their entire world is changing, and they are taking massive steps and making some pretty big sacrifices as people for this cause. Being Consul isnt going to be a smooth life for Alec with Magnus as a husband and a warlock for a child. But this is what he wants, and this is what he wants Shadowhunters to reflect and be going forward. This song is a very peaceful time in the entirety of TSC, and gave me a similar feeling to the end of TMI

#tsc #song recs #tmi #the mortal instruments #tda #the dark artifices #cc #cassie clare #cassandra clare #the shadowhunter chronicles

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fanficsandmoregalore · 4 years

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Making or Breaking Bonds?

Matt Solo x Reader

A/N: I had this angsty idea and thought I'd share it with you guys. There you can change the name of the girl and the movie to whatever but the ones in the story are just what came to mind.

Summary: Matt introduces reader to his new friend and it goes horribly wrong. Things are said and reader stops hanging out with matt until he is able to win the reader back over.

It was just like any other day. You were hanging out with 2 of the 3 Solo Triplets in their apartment, across the hall from yours. You were sandwiched between Kylo and Ben on the couch, watching some horribly written horror movie and laughing about all the cheesy acting.

"By the way, where is Matt?"

You asked both boys and Ben shrugged his shoulders but Kylo was a bit more informative.

"He said something about bringing over a new friend he made at work."

"Oh, okay."

And back to the movie it was. Some time passed and the movie was over. You all laughed and talked about how bad it was as Ben put in another movie, equally as cheesy and terrible. That's when there was a sound at the door, someone putting keys in and turning the doorknob. It was Matt. You jumped to your feet and went over to hug him but stopped dead in your tracks.

Kylo and Ben went over to greet the stranger, you, however, were in a bit of shock. She was absolutely beautiful, long flowing dark brown hair, skin that was tanned just right, she was thin and had a big chest, and to top it off was dressed in a business suit and just the right style of makeup. She was way prettier than you ever thought you would be and that frightened you. You mustered up the nerve to go over and greet her as well.

"Uuuh, guys. This is my new friend from work, Allison."

"Ummm, hi. I'm -"

"(Y/n). Yes, i know. Matt won't stop raving about you." Allison spoke confidently and that made you even more nervous, she shook your hand loosely then wiped it off on her pants as she brushed by you.

"What a quaint little living space, Matt." She inspected every nook and cranny it seemed like, Matt just followed her around and talked to her.

"Alright, what's the assessment?" Kylo came up from behind you and whispered in your ear. You turned around, Ben and Kylo were waiting for your input on the situation.

"What do you mean?"

"He means, what do you think of her. We dont know shit about her and we already thinks she's kinda a snob."

"I cant really say anything just ye-"

Suddenly there was a loud crash and the sound of glass shattering. You all looked over to see Allison over by a shelf, looking at the ground then to you and the other boys.

"Oops." She said trying to act cute, then she proceeded to walk on top of the glass, crushing it more beneath her feet. You, Ben, and Kylo walked over to see what she had stepped on and you stared in anger at the item that had fallen. It was a picture of you with all 3 of the Solo boys, sleeping together on a couch at their parents' house on Christmas morning. That was the most treasured picture amongst the 4 of you and both you and the boys had a copy of it framed. You began to suspect she knocked it over on purpose, but didn't want to assume the worst, hoping it was an accident.

"That's it, i hate her." Ben said as he picked the picture up from under the glass.

"You can't just hate her. What if it was an accident?" You tried to defend your fellow woman, seeing as to hoe you didn't know if she was the kind of woman to do such a thing.

"Oh yeah, and she just casually walks on top of broken glass with a smirk if it's an accident. If you had done this when we first met you, you would have offered to clean it and replace it immediately." Kylo added and he swept the glass into a pile.

"No, (Y/n) wouldn't even be close enough to it to knock it over in the first place."

Ben chuckled, Kylo then added in,

"Good point. I'm with Ben, i hate her."

It did look as if she had done it on purpose but you couldn't hust assume that. Why would she do something so mean to people she doesn't know. It as if she was trying to display her superiority in a home that she had no title in yet. This really got you a little mad and as you were about to say something, Matt came from the hall with Allison.

"Alright guys, see you later." Matt chirped. You ran over and gently grabbed his arm.

"Matt, where are you going? You just got here and i havent seen you all day." You almost whined. Matt smiled and kissed your forehead.

"Me and Allison are gonna go see a movie. We can hang out after i get back."

And with that Matt left.

You stood still in place for what seemed like forever, staring at the door. Did he really just leave so casually? No goodbye, just a quick kiss on the forehead. He didnt ask if you and his brothers wanted to join. Just him and this new woman all alone. Your mind felt like a plane that was crashing, and you were the only one on board. Suddenly Ben grabbed your shoulder and brought you back to reality.

"(Y/n), did you hear me? I asked if everything is okay?"

You turned to him and hugged him, no emotion showing him how you felt, no words telling him what was going through your mind. But somehow, he knew all of this was troubling to you. He hugged you tightly and then led you to the couch, Kylo joined a moment later. The boys sat with you and you all watched several movies together. While the boys laughed and talked, you sat on the couch and thought about Matt.

It was late at night and you decided to go home. As you opened the door, there stood Matt, about to place the keys in. You looked at him then looked around outside quickly. He was alone, thank goodness. You decided to stay and chat with Matt for a moment. He stood in the living room, you sat on the arm of a chair across from him, and the other 2 boys sat on the couch.

"How was your date?" Ben asked jokingly.

"It wasn't a date, we just had dinner as friends and watched Princess Bride 2 as friends. Then i dropped her off at ho-"

"WAIT!" You stood up and looked at Matt, hoping you misheard him.

"You took her to see Princess Bride 2!? Matt, what the hell?! I asked you if you wanted to go with me to see that weeks ago, and you told me you no because you didn't really care for Princess Bride."

"I don't but Allison really wanted to see it."

"I REALLY WANTED TO SEE IT, MATT!!!"

Your yell could've shook their apartment. You were so mad, you just let it all out.

"Well, don't get mad at me for that, Allison wanted to go see it, not me. Besides, we can still go see it."

"Matt, are you kidding me, right now? I wanted to go see that with you, on a date! I wanted us to have a nice evening together, like, oh i don't know, a nice dinner out, then go see a that movie, TOGETHER! But you told me no, so i didn't go see it at all. I was just gonna wait until it came out on dvd or netflix to watch it. You literally took that...that..that STRANGER out on my date idea!"

Kylo quickly got up and stood by you, seeing the look of rage in your eyes.

"Um, (Y/n), why didn't you just tell me and Ben that you wanted to go on a date with Matt? We would've set you guys up."

This was the first time you had mentioned this date to the boys at all. You had kept it a secret to yourself because after Matt said no, it seemed pointless to try and make him go if he didn't want to. And if you had told the other 2, they would've guilted Matt or forced him somehow to go with you and that wasn't what you wanted. You wanted Matt to go on his own free will.

"I didn't tell you guys because i didn't want you to tell him that's what it was and then him go with me to a movie he would probably hate just because that's what i wanted."

"Um, actually, the movie was pretty good. I'm thinking about rewatching the firs-"

You and Kylo both glared at Matt, he shut up quickly. You faced Matt, feeling all sorts of emotions bubbling inside, emotions you didn't like.

"Matt, are you really that oblivious that you didn't realize i was asking you on a date?"

Matt scratched the back of his head and chose his next words carefully.

"Um....actually..." he started. You took a few steps back, realizing what he was about to say.

"Y-you knew!?" You angrily whispered. Ben got up and punched Matt in the arm.

"What the fuck, Matt!?" He yelled. Kylo aslo began yelling at Matt and it all faded as you thought about what had just happened. Matt, this entire time, knew that you wanted it to be a date and still told you no. You had not right to be mad at him for it, he wasn't your boyfriend, but it still hurt you deeply. You took a deep breath, pushed Kylo and Ben away from Matt and looked him in the eyes.

"Matt, do you like me, romantically?" You tried to ask gently. Matt hugged you and spoke.

"(Y/n), you know i do."

You were so confused. This was all a big mess. You couldn't handle it and pushed Matt off of you. You had tears streaming down your face and were filled with a mix of sadness and anger.

"Then why did you take her and not me? I wanted to go see it too, Matt. And you knew that. Am i...not good enough or something? I'm so confused."

Matt felt flustered and a bit irritated at himself for making you upset. He didn't think about what he was saying and blurted out something he'd regret.

"It was just nice to have someone i could have an intellectual conversation with for once."

Matt pauses, realizing what he had just said. He quickly tried to apologize but you glared straight into his eyes, feeling the anger rise inside you immediately, a single tear slid down your cheek and you pushed pass him and out the door, not saying another word. Matt didn't bother following you, knowing it would only make things worse.

"Shit." Kylo said, then him and Ben quickly ran after you and Matt stood by the door to listen in.

Ben knocked on the door and all him and Kylo could hear was sobbing.

"(Y/n)? Baby? If you want to, me and Ky will take you to see it."

There was only silence for a moment. Matt's stomach turned inside him as the guilt began eating at his conscience.

"Babe?" Kylo tapped on the door. This time it opened a little. They couldn't see you and you didn't want them to.

"I dont even want to see it now. Just leave me alone, please." With that, you closed the door. Matt ran his hands through his hair. What had he done? Kylo and Ben looked at each other, nodded and went back over to their apartment.

They didn't even speak to Matt as they walked pass him. And he knew they saw him when they walked in.

"Guys? Is she going to be okay?"

Kylo yelled angrily and went into his room, slamming the door behind him. Ben was about to walk to his but turned, look at Matt with disappointment and shook his head.

"You really messed up this time, Matt." Was all he said and then he went into his room. Matt was left in the living room, feeling the worst he's ever felt. He tried texting you, calling you, writing letters to you, but they always found their way back into his apartment. You were ignoring him in all ways you could. Several weeks had gone by and there was still no word from you.

"It was just a movie, is this silent treatment really necessary?"

One evening, Matt was sitting on the couch watching a movie, he thought he was alone but Kylo was in the kitchen.

There was a plastic cup thrown at the back of Matt's head. He turned and saw his brother in the kitchen.

"It isn't about the movie, you dope. She wanted to be with you, you said no to her but did it anyway with another woman. You broke her damn heart, you moron! Take your silent treatment and like it! You're lucky she's such a fucking sweetheart, she'll probably forgive you soon if you just leave her the hell alone."

Kylo grumbled and went back to his room. Matt thought about what kylo had said. He was right, it wasn't the worst way to be treated after you hurt a girl, but he definitely didnt enjoy it. He also thought about what he had done. He knew you wanted to go on a date with him, he knew you really wanted to go see that movie, and he knew how he felt about you. So why would he have said no to you, and instead took some stranger he accidentally bumped into at work? He groaned in disappointment at himself. He felt so worthless, he thought he didn't deserve you, and that's even before the mess he was in now. You are a godess in his eyes and he just blew any shot he had of being with you. One morning he saw you leaving your apartment and tried to say hi but you didnt even look at him, only the floor, with saddened eyes. He had done this and he knew that he had to fix this.

"Ben, Kylo, please. I need your help." He pleaded from the hall. There was no answer. He ran his hands through his hair.

"I really do like (Y/n), more than anything in the world, i know that i dont deserve her and maybe that's why i said no, but i have to fix our friendship at least. God, and i even haven't talked to or seen Allison since that night. She hated the movie, she hated dinner, and me. She was just...she wasn't (Y/n). I don't know what i was thinking. And i know this is all my fault, but i don't know how i can fix it. I just want to show her how much i love..." Matt paused. Up until now, he only thought about how much he liked you. How much he liked being around you, and how he liked everything about, and that he liked how beautiful you were when you smiled. But no, he didn't just like that stuff about you, he LOVED that stuff about you. Matt sprang to his feet, his hand over his chest feeling his quickened heartbeat.

"I...i love her. I love (Y/n)." Matt looked around, trying to figure out what to do. "Oh god, what have i done?! I have to fix this!" He quickly rushed to the door and practically ripped it open, you were already on the other side. You looked at Matt, a phone in your hands, tears rolling down from your eyes. Matt looked behind him and saw his brothers, Ben was holding a phone that had you on the line, he had a smirk on his face. Matt turned back to you and felt just an overwhelming sense of panic.

"D-did you...um, hear all of that?"

"Every last word."

You hugged him and at first Matt was surprised but he was quick to return and tighten the hug. He never wanted to let you go ever again. He was worried if he let go, you'd leave again and never speak to him for the rest of his life.

"Matt," you whispered. He pulled away and looked at you, "i love you."

"(Y/n), I'm so sorry!" He pulled you close again then pulled back and kissed you. It caught you off guard at first but you accepted it. He pulled away and looked you in the eyes.

"I will do anything i have to, ANYTHING, to make it up to you."

You giggled and kissed his cheek.

"Well, could you get out of the way, me and your brothers are gonna miss a movie."

Matt pulled back and looked at you in confusion.

"What?"

"We're going to go out for dinner and then see a movie, as friends." Ben said cheerfully as he walked by Matt. He held his hand out for you and you took it then walked away from the door. Kylo followed behind and was about to close the door but looked at Matt before doing so.

"Or not." He winked at Matt and closed the door behind him. Matt stood alone in the apartment.

"I deserved that." He said with a smile.

#kylo ren #ben solo #matt solo #matt the technician #matt the radar technician #star wars #matt solo x reader

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horansqueen · 5 years

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AM Conversations : chapter 13

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- IF YOU WANT TO BE NOTIFIED WHEN THIS IS UPDATED, I THOUGHT I COULD START A TAG LIST SO LET ME KNOW. IF YOU’D RATHER BE NOTICED IN PRIVATE, MESSAGE ME TOO PLEASE!

- there will be smut added soon, just thought i’d give a fair warning!

- i’m having a hard time finding 2015 Niall gifs so i may add 2016 gifs instead. if you want to propose me any PLEASE message me. youll make my day!

- thank you so much for all the asks i get. you guys make me so happy. i cant even explain. thank you forever. i love you!!!

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 13 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

Harry was staring at me and I was staring right back. I could feel my heart beat hard against my rib cage but I was not really sure why. Clearly, he thought Niall and I had seen each other naked and although it was pretty true for me, it wasn't as obvious for him. I had caught Niall masturbating completely naked in bed when he was 13, but when Niall saw me, I was wearing a shirt and panties. We got changed in the same room quite often but I knew Niall and I knew he would never look at me without my consent, whether it was out of respect or simply because he was not interested.

Harry's lips curled slightly on the left as he kept his eyes on me and I did the same, looking away and leaning against the couch behind me. It was embarrassing to talk about it and I wanted to talk about something else. I turned to my best friend and had to swallow hard when my eyes landed on him. He had just admitted he had slept with Maya and after what I had confessed to him earlier, it made it even worse. Now I knew why he was trying to reassure me about my jealousy for her and it had worked quite well but now, everything was ruined. I had came to make myself believe that they hadn't done anything. Niall was a discreet person but the way he acted with Maya was so different than how he acted with Heidi and he never explicitly confessed to having sex with her. Perhaps I just didn't want it to be true and now it was hitting me right in the face.

"Sorry guys, but Louis and I have both seen 4 persons in the room naked too, why didn't we get votes?" Liam argued with a frown, obviously talking about his girlfriend who put her hand gently over his.

"Don't go there, Liam." Louis quickly replied, taking the cigarette that was waiting behind his ear and putting it between his lips. "It's a can of worms and no one wants to see that."

Everyone remained silent when he lighted it up and after a few seconds, Eleanor smiled and read a question outloud. I felt the tension in the room calm down suddenly and took my pencil again, ready to keep playing.

"Who's got a deep secret they never told anyone?"

I suddenly held my breath and my eyes got bigger for half a second. I felt extremely exposed for no reason and I closed my eyes, imagining all the eyes turned to me. It was paranoia, it had to be, because no one knew I had feelings for my best friend. No one knew I've always had feelings for him, and that I probably always would. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes again and noticed everyone was busy scribbling down a name and no one was giving me any unsolicited attention. I felt my body relax slightly and quickly grabbed my pen, scribbling the first name that came in my mind.

I waited impatiently for Niall to read all the answers outloud and stress came back when I heard my name. I didn't want to seem like it was true and I simply waited for Niall to be done.

"I don't know why anyone would write Harry." Niall laughed. "He walks around naked, no matter who's in the room, I don't think someone who does that can have any deep secret."

Harry grabbed the first thing he could reach and threw it at him but Niall simply laughed, moving his head right on time not to get Harry's pen in the face.

"Liv doesn't have any deep secret she's never told anyone, she tells me everything, right?"

I held my breath again as I stared at Niall. His eyebrows were raised, his lips were curled into a satisfied smile, and i felt guilt invade my whole body and making my head throb. Could he read in my face how embarrassed I was? My lips parted and I was about to answer when someone else talked.

"Everyone's got secrets." Louis pointed out, taking a sip of his beer. "I'm sure you keep stuff from her and she keeps stuff from you."

"So you keep stuff from your girlfriend, Tommo?" Niall argued, his gaze moving from me to his bandmate.

Louis laughed and rolled his eyes.

"She's not your girlfriend, Neil."

Silence fell in the room and I swallowed hard, trying to find a way to ease the tension. I had no idea why these kind of games always ended up in some sort of arguments but I didn't want to be part of it anymore. I was about to just get up and leave when Lottie groaned low.

"You're both so fucking annoying." she let out. "I think it's time to find a new game to play."

She dived her hand in her purse and bit her bottom lip as she searched for something. After a few seconds where my heart threatened to jump out of my chest, she pulled out cards and sent all of us a smile.

"It's a game I used to play at parties when I was younger." she explained, shaking the cards to put our attention on it. "Kiss And Tell. It's some sort of truth or dare game but the questions and the dare all have to do with kisses. And to avoid everyone to choose 'tell', we'll use a dice. 1,2 and 3 are kiss, and 4, 5 and 6 are tell."

She checked the cards and got off the couch to sit on the floor, putting the two stacks on the carpet. I noticed Harry had gotten up to find a dice and I suddenly realized how bad of an idea it was.

"Okay but maybe I'm not interested in making out with everyone here." I pointed out, staring at the big 'KISS' written on one of the piles.

"Kisses on the cheeks are fine," she chuckled. "but you're ruining the fun, Liv!"

I remembered that time when we were 15 and went to a stupid party. We had played spin the bottle and when it was Niall's turn, the bottle had pointed at me. I couldn't believe I was going to kiss my best friend, who was also the boy I was in love with, in front of everyone. I remember how close he was, how his eyes had roamed on my face, how I held my breath, how scared I was, and how he had apologized in a whisper right before to press his lips on mine. His 'I'm sorry' had haunted me for weeks. What did that even mean? Was he sorry that we had to kiss in front of people? Or that I had to be kissed by him? Or maybe he was just sorry he had to kiss me because he really didn't want to. We had never talked about it after that but now that there was an other chance I could kiss him, I knew I didn't want to go through that again. Would anyone notice if I got up and ran away?

"No way, I mean unless you're actually dating someone, there's no reason not to play! A kiss has never killed anyone!" Max let out, making me turn his way.

"Well, actually..."

"No, no stats darling, please." Niall cut me straight, his lips curling slightly to the right.

I raised my nose in a grimace and shrugged, glancing at the cards again. Lottie decided to start, just to show us how to play and had to kiss the person she trusted the most in the room. Without a surprised, she walked to her brother and kissed his cheek for a few seconds with an exaggerated 'muah!', making me laugh.

I watched as Gemma grabbed the dice and got a 2, picking up a 'kiss' card.

"Kiss the person you could have dated (outside of your significant other)."

Her eyes roamed on everyone and she sighed in a defeated manner. I could bet kissing her little brother's friends was not something she had ever thought about.

"I'm sorry but i've seen all of you pre-puberty and it's a complete turn off." she pointed out, getting up and walking to the other side of the living room. "Except you."

Max chuckled but got up too and I stared at them way too intensely. It's not that I didn't want to kiss anyone. In fact, I didn't really mind, but I didn't know how i'd react if I had to kiss Niall again. I honestly thought it would hurt me even more than it did the first time. The kiss lasted a bit too long and the way she gripped the side of his shirt made my heart jump. I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss I shared with Niall and how I was torn between hoping to do it again or to never do it again.

When I got out of my thoughts, I noticed Gemma was back on the couch while Max had taken place somewhere on the floor near his best friend.

"He didn't look that bad pre-puberty but he's better now, trust me." Eleanor let out, making Gemma chuckle a bit.

It took only a few seconds for Julie to breathe her courage in and grab the dice before grabbing a 'tell' card with a small relieved smile. I knew no one would have forced her to kiss someone else than her boyfriend but I could understand why it was stressing her. In fact, the amount of stress invading my body at that exactly moment was clearly too much to contain and I started playing with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

"Tell us about your most memorable kiss." she read out loud, sending a glance at Liam.

They both smiled at each other and I bite my bottom lip, forgetting how nervous I was for a few seconds. The level of complicity they had reached had me quite jealous. It must be amazing to be able to get to that point with someone when that someone was your lover. I knew Niall and I were extremely close, probably as close as Julie and Liam were, but we were just friends, and I think that toned down the relationship a bit. Not because friendship was less important than love, of course not, but because when you're best friends and dating, there was only the two of you. That intimacy wouldn't have to be shared with a boyfriend or a girlfriend outside of your relationship. It was complete. It was full. I wanted to be complete with Niall.

I glanced at him, making my heart jump in my chest, before to focus on Julie's story. I would have expected her most memorable kiss to be their first but it ended up being that one time, when he was on tour and they hadn't seen each other in weeks. It was in the way Liam had looked at her, how her whole body had given in, how it felt like the first time again... It was about how much they had missed each other and how they realized they didn't want to be apart for that long again. The romantic in my sighed internally as I brought my hands in my sleeves, gripping my shirt with both hands from inside. I could have something great with Harry, I knew it, but would we ever be as close as I was with Niall? That was clearly impossible. Right?

I saw Niall grab a card and my heart seemed to stop but I relaxed when I realized it was in the 'tell' pile. I moved my knees up, my arms around them, and leaned my cheek on them to look at my best friend. He seemed surprised by the card in his hand but finally read it outloud.

"Tell us about your most awkward kiss."

When Niall turned to me and dived his gaze in mine, I held my breath. I didn't want him to talk about that kiss we shared over a decade ago but I knew it had came to his mind and somehow, it made me feel like shit. It really was awkward, but to me, it was weird because I had feelings for him. For Niall, it was probably awkward because he didn't have feelings for me. He didn't want to do it. After all, he had apologized before doing it.

"Oh god." he chuckled, rubbing his eyes slowly and extending his legs on the carpet. "One time I was hanging out with this girl I didn't like and she just misread some signals or I don't know, and she kissed me but she did it so quick her front teeth hit my upper lip and it started bleeding. I don't know if it can be considered a kiss but it was horrible."

Everyone laughed but I just kept staring at him. I already knew about this story. That girl was one of my friends and after that day, I stopped speaking to her. Now that I thought about it, it was wrong of me because after all, she had no one idea how I felt for Niall, no one knew, but I couldn't deal with it anyway. It was not her fault, it was mine.

"Okay, my turn." Harry let out, extending his body close to me to grab the dice and pick a 'tell' card.

I felt extremely lucky that both of them had gotten that instead of a 'kiss' card. I didn't want to kiss any of them at this moment, but I also didn't want to see them kiss anyone. I closed my eyes tight at that thought, realizing how much of a loser I was, before opening them again. Harry moved his gaze up to look at me and his lips curled slightly into a fond smile. I couldn't explain how much I enjoyed it when he looked at me that way.

"Tell us about your favorite kiss." he read, his eyes never leaving mine.

I didn't want to hear about it but at the same time, I was dying to find out what kind of kiss could be his favorite. Was it romantic like Julie and Liam's? Or was it in a heated and passionate moment? I ended up thinking that knowing Harry, it could be a first kiss when he was young with someone he really loved, or an intense kiss before making love. He could give any of these answers and I wouldn't be surprised.

"My favorite non-kiss involved jello." he started, still staring at me. "And I was so close to kiss her but her clumsy ass choked on it. She probably thinks she ruined it but it made me like her even more. There was also this non-kiss in the pool, where I kept thinking about her lips and the way they would feel. Or that non-kiss at the lake where we got cock-blocked."

During his whole monologue, I held my breath and everyone was focused on him. It was always that way with Harry, he always had everyone's attention because he was captivating. I didn't want to think about everyone else in the room, though, and I didn't have to. He was looking at me, and no one else.

"But my favorite kiss is the kiss i'll get when we finally kiss for the first time. So it hasn't happened yet, but i'm still hoping for it." he concluded before I exhaled suddenly, realizing I was out of breath.

I smiled at him, my lips parting slightly and my heart jumping so hard in my chest that I honestly thought everyone could hear it through the powerful silence filling the room. No one dared to talk and Harry smiled more, chuckling low before moving his chin a bit.

"Your turn, Liv."

It took me a lot of courage to roll the dice and I had to swallow hard when I saw the number 3. I knew my luck couldn't stay forever and I shook my head, picking a 'kiss' card. I didn't want to read it, I didn't want to kiss anyone with everyone watching, and it took me forever to read the card. It took a few seconds to process what I read and I held my breath, confused and stunned by the words on the card.

'kiss the person you love the most in the room.'

I didn't even have the guts to read it outloud and I just pressed my lips together and shook my head.

"No, sorry, I can't do that."

Quickly, I got back on my feet and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind myself. I leaned against it, my head hitting gently the wood, and closed my eyes as I tried to calm the erratic beatings of my heart. I knew my reaction would bring a lot of questions but I didn't care. I just couldn't deal with that card.

I felt the card between my fingers and held it tighter, glad that I had brought it with me so no one could read it. I slipped it in the back pocket of my jeans and pressed the palms of my hands on my eyes, trying to get rid of the shame invading my whole body and mind.

Instinctively, I thought about Niall as soon as I saw the words but picking him would be admitting something I was not ready to admit and probably never would. I knew it could pass as strong and intense friendship but I didn't think everyone would be gullible enough to believe it. It was obvious to me that at least one person would find out about how I really felt, and I was scared that that person would be Harry.

How did I really feel about Harry? Was he only there, in my heart, to fill the space I wanted Niall to fill? Was he someone I could fall in love with? Or was I doomed to date people I would never really love simply because I couldn't seem to forget about how much I loved my best friend? Was that void I wanted Niall to fill going to be there forever? Was it possible for me to be satisfied with someone the way I knew i'd be with him?

My head said it was possible for me to be happy without him, but my heart screamed louder, telling me i'd always be missing something inside of me and I tended to listen to my heart in every circumstances.

I jumped in surprise when I heard a knock at the door and moved away from it. I was not ready to face anyone but i knew i'd have to, sooner or later, and perhaps it was better to do it now and get it over with.

"Babe?" I heard a low but high voice. "Please, let us in."

I recognized Eleanor's voice and the surprise was even bigger. We've always been on good terms but I wouldn't consider us close. Still, I had to admit I was touched by the fact that she was ready to be there for me and I unlocked the door, opening it slowly. The shock was even bigger when I saw Lottie, Gemma, Julie and Maya waiting with her. I stood there, motionless, my lips slightly parted, and El just raised her eyebrows.

"Can we come in?"

The bathroom was large but clearly not built for 6 girls and I sat on the edge of the bath tub while the others leaned on the walls, sat on the toilet or simply on the floor and I waited until someone would talk.

"Okay so I don't know what your card is, but clearly, you want to kiss Harry, right?"

"Uhm.."

What was I supposed to answer to that? No one knew how I felt for Niall, meaning that no one could help me with this confusion that was tearing me apart. All of them thought my reaction had everything to do with Harry when it was a lie, and I had to keep on lying.

"Oh what he said about the kiss?" Maya let out, moving her upper body in our direction as her lips curled into a naive but happy smile. "That was so great! It wasn't even for me and it made my heart melt!"

I knew she was thinking about Niall and I swallowed.

"Yea." Gemma groaned before letting out a chuckle. "My brother has that effect on people."

"Wait." Julie quickly said, raising one of her hands to get silence. She turned to me. "You want to kiss Harry, Liv, right?"

"I mean..." I slowly raised one of my shoulders as my eyes roamed on the five girls around me. "I guess, yes."

That was not a lie. I just omitted to add that I'd prefer to kiss NIall.

"We could cheat?" Lottie proposed. "So they get to kiss? Or find a game that will have them kiss immediately?"

"7 minutes in heaven?" Maya quickly suggested, her face illuminating.

"What are we, 12?"

The discussion kept going but I remained silent, only half-listening to what they were proposing as they threw ideas on how and when I could finally kiss Harry. I knew they meant well, and I could admit that I was deeply grateful and moved by the fact that they were there for me and cared enough to try and help me. I had known these girls for a while and I liked them a lot, but even Maya, whom I had just met, was trying to find a solution and the fact that it made her even more perfect than she already was made something stir in my stomach.

Their voices became a background noise and I suddenly held my breath and jumped on my feet again. I was tired to wait, tired to ask myself questions, tired to analyze every move of everyone, including myself. I deserved to be happy, I owed myself to at least try, and it was time I did something about it.

"I know what to do." I just whispered, opening the door and walking out of the bathroom.

They remained motionless and in shock for a few seconds but ended up following me to the living room, getting there just in time.

The boys were now standing up, talking and drinking. I noticed Harry saying something and Niall laughed but they both noticed me when I entered the room. I had never felt so determined in my life. I knew I had to do it and I knew I had to do it now. It didn't matter where we were and with who. All that mattered was this.

I walked up to them and noticed Harry's lips curl at my sight. Quickly, I got on my tiptoe, gripped his shirt tight and pressed my lips on his. He smelled like expensive cologne and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his mouth against mine. His hands found my waist but I could barely feel the tip of his fingers brushing against my sweater as he deepened the kiss but kept everything slow and gentle. He tasted amazing: a mix of sweet alcohol and caramel. How was that even possible?

I think I heard a few positive reactions around me but I tried to shut down every single senses except the ones that made me enjoy this kiss. The way he smelled, tasted, felt... And at this exact moment, I asked myself why this hadn't happened before? Why did we wait so long to get this incredible and inexplicable feeling? There was no answer and I pushed the questions away to focus on this moment that I knew i'd never forget.

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