#i hate my brain so much why does it always do this to me

[luceafarul-de-dimineata]

mc who ships the kings with their nobles (its an excuse for leviforas)

Mc that ships the shippers with their kings

Overall, I think none of them would think much of it because all the nobles seem to have a crush on their kings. They would mind if you started losing interest in their king because you percieve them to be in a relationship.

Paimon would, like always, be the chiller one about this whole thing. While he sometimes gets angry at his fellow shippers, he'll never get angry at you unless you do something really really stupid. Shipping him with Satan is just kind of silly in his view. He might humor you a bit, but he'll shortly cut all your hopes when he says that he has no romantic feelings for Satan and never will. Doesn't want to give you too much false hope, he just wishes you'll put your sights on what really matters.

Eligos would be dumpfounded. The whole interaction was like

Eligos: Mc! I'm so glad I've found you! I've prepared a nice bow for you to wear on your stroll with his majesty Mammon.

Mc: I'm sure Mammon likes ribbons a lot. I mean, with how close the two of you are... he sure has a thing for small cute things.

Eligos: Oh, he totally does! That's why I will make you the cutest being in Hell... behind me, of course.

Mc: No, don't worry. I don't want to tempt your man.

Eligos: My... what?

Mc: Come on, it's obvious that you and Mammon have athing for eachother. The way he pets your head for longer than anyone else, the way he always calls you his. I bet you have a full collection on lingerie just for him.

Eligos: I do, but no! No no no! I'm not in love with his majesty Mammon! Never!

Mc: First stage, denile

Eligos: First stage of WHAT?!?!?

Congratulation, you just broke Eligos' brain and made him take an emergency trip to Paradise Lost to get checked for whatever illness you implyied he had.

Foras gasps when he hears that and covers your mouth.

Foras: Mc, do you like breathing?

Mc nods

Foras: Good, then stop saying stuff like that. He always listens

Leviathan: Is this what you two are doing instead of sorting paperwork? The only reasons I allowed you two to stay together was because you're incompetent and Foras keeps getting distrected on his phone. I would strangle you both, but you're into it, you filth.

Foras: I apologise, great, powerful, handsome Leviathan for my wrong doings

Mc: I'm adding degredation to my newest fic

Leviathan: Don't flatter yourself a writer, I would never degrade Foras. He actually has qualities to speak of.

Foras: (I wish he degarded me as well)

Sorry, I've been too Leviathan possitive on my blog lately, I have to spread the hate

Amon would choke on his own spit. On one hand, hot, yes, he does want to get revaged by his king. On the other hand, that would be illegal because you're already with him. Amon is delusional, partly because he's starving, partly because that's just how he is. He would try to talk you out of it out of genuioun fear that he is breaking the law.

Gamigin would be repulsed. Lucifer is his brother, why would you ship him with his sibling? Please stop, he's really uncomfortable by the whole idea.

Mc: You know, I've been thinking about you and Lucifer recently

Gamigin: Really?! What about?

Mc: You'd look lovely together. He's so nice to you, I bet he likes you well enough in bed.

Gamigin.exe stopped working

Marbas: You need to leave!

#whb #what in hell is bad #shipper au #whb paimon #whb eligos #whb foras #whb amon #whb gamigin #whb leviathan

[silverskye13]

heyy i am having Thoughts and you, beloved author, since u have ur asks open, get to hear them! woo 1. rotating ch4 in my head. “Why are you helping him?” Helsknight snapped, “Do you have any idea how rare it is that one of us wins?” 

ok helsknight, but what does happen when one of you win? How does it happen?? who has it happened with?? how does the universe react when something that wasnt really meant to exist manages to take all there is to take, and successfully kill something almost beloved to it, in its weird, eldritch, universe way? (And the universe said i love you because you are love etc.) (if that is what helsknight means?) 2. rotating tanguish and his origins in my brain even faster. it was always so interesting to me how different tanguish is from every other helsmet. he is absolutely a helsmet, twin appearance and parasitic connection and all, but he doesnt hate nearly as much. feel like tanguish, in a world of cruel, selfish, hateful brutes and very few meek fellas like himself (at least thats the impression i got on my first read? in the middle of my second, more thorough one atm) is the way that he is becuz almost everyone else formed not just from fear and insecurity, but hate and hurt. betrayal and desperate, spiteful last ditch efforts and hatred of- well if not others then yourself. even alongside fears, insecurities etc. all of them had hatred as one of their main components. tanguish wasnt made from hate, but from fear. hes meek and small and scared because hes born from tango's fear of being left behind, of being a burden etc. hes not born from self loathing (tho tango deffo has some) but from the fear of being abandoned, being left alone skye you are makign me so ill abt this lil guy /pos

(pls pls PLEASE feel free to correct me wherever im wrong i love hearing ur thoughts on this stuff sm)

Thoughts thoughts thoughts! I love hearing the thoughts!

I'm pretty sure Helsknight's version of "winning" is someone like Evil X, who doesn't worry about his hermit anymore because he's a permanent fixture. [And the universe said you are tolerated, and the universe said, for now, I will let you be.]

You're right! He really doesn't hate nearly so much. He wasn't made to, and its not beneficial for him to be! And if he's a parasite, he only wants what will help him -- and when did driving his hermit away ever help him? Fear however, has gotten him a lot of places.

#rns asks #anonymous #no corrections to make! though I do think its important to note that just because the super bad stuff #hate and anger #didn't come baked in with tanguish #doesn't mean he can't feel them #he is very very capable #and he's had some pretty decent bouts with anger over the course of the plot as well #poor guy just hasn't gotten 'malicious' down yet #probably for the best i think

[lightningfilledsaber]

I'm so fucking sick of my brain

#mud rambles #I've been having A Time recently because my bpd wants me to fucking suffer #having an fp is so nice until it's not #my jealousy issues are fucking ridiculous and while I'm doing good at keeping it My problem. #I can feel myself starting to self isolate in the process #I wish my brain would just stop. Like it's not fair for me to be jealous like this. I have no reason to be and it's stupid #on one hand it's nicer because of it not having to Constantly wonder and worry about what he's doing and what's going on since I'm more #Involved now in a general sense. but as a caveat it feels More isolating a lot of the time since I get less one on one time #and I KNOW part of that is due to the fact he's. y'know. got a Life. He's got things going on. So it's not fair for me to be like this #I hate how frustrated and lonely it makes me feel. because I SHOULD feel more secure #I am much more generally involved now!!! WHY does it feel more isolating to me!!! what the fuck!!! #and a lot of this is my inability to reach out. I'm afraid of asking for more #he's so good at making me feel included it's not fair for me to feel this way #it's my fault for being hesitant. always hesitant. I don't want to make the mistake of thinking I deserve more #or that I'm wanted when I'm not #It's so hard to tell and I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I can't fucking take it man

[apollos-boyfriend]

one thing about me is that i’m ALWAYS thinking about chapter 4 kokichi ouma

#icarus speaks #dangantag #like i’m always thinking about him in general #but chapter four SPECIFICALLY #like GOD……. #he knows if he doesn’t do something he’ll die #he knows if he doesn’t do something everyone will die #because shuichi is smart. but miu was smarter. there was no way to have uncovered ANY of that had she succeeded #and he knows he can’t stop her. she wants out. she won’t listen to him #if she’s not able to kill him. she’ll find someone else. she’ll find another scenario #and he can’t TELL most of them. because someone has to stop her #but half the cast wants him dead. maki would’ve taken him out herself #the only other person that would’ve both believed and helped him would likely be shuichi #but it can’t be shuichi. because this ends with two people dead. and if shuichi dies then they’re all fucked #he could make the same leaps as shuichi theoretically. solve the same cases #but no one would listen. not like they listen to shuichi #and GOD. speaking of which #the way he reacts to shuichi’s lie. it haunts me so much #and it makes sense! he’s already so angry. so lost. there’s so much going on and going wrong #shuichi lies to protect people and discover the truth and he’s beloved #kokichi does the same and he’s a villain #and YEAH obviously that’s not the full story. there are other factors. #but like. the THEMES. the PAIN. the spiral it leads kokichi down #doubling down on his lies and charade and cements his plan to sacrifice himself #slash become the ‘mastermind’ #i hate lying purple assholes why do they do this to my brain

[bo0zey]

anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol

#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird #this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY #i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it #whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo #i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work #imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞 #real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason #like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me #ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS??? #ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like #why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean #i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything #i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed #i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame #i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol #also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually #cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj #i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle #i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore #i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable #ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao #im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed #ramblings #shut up cianna

[stereax]

woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way

but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D

anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎

#sterechats :) #09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway #what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again? #probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D #10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire #like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it #I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring! #but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3 #11:00 pm - I need to get out of here #I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me #everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense #why am I even writing these tags what does it matter #I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing #maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore #I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha #11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one #how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good #everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now #here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah) #11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive #in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love #I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day #maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it! #maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead... #1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am #not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep #and I don't want this to post when I'm awake #I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always #because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really #I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay

[newt-and-salamander]

Haha so, yesterday I panicked because I was/am behind on my work (my grandma and my great-grandma both died in the last 4 weeks which caused me to travel back and forth between my parents and my home a lot, costing a lot of time), so I wrote an email to my boss basically saying "Please tell me you don't hate me".

Not only did I regret it 10 mins later because it was pathetic and unprofessional and stupid, but to top it all off, she hasn't answered me at all. So now I'm in even more panic because maybe, after all, she does hate me. XD

#sometimes i hate my brain XD #why does it do that #i should just have stayed silent #if she had a problem with my work she coupd have approached me #i basically gave her reason to tell me i need to do better #she probably didn't even think about before #oh man #sometimes i behave like a five year old #she's super kind and always helps me with my questions and stuff so rationally i know she doesn't hate me #i just sometimes get extremely worried about small things and then i do stupid things #it doesn’t help that I'm still sad about my grandmas and that i will go on my first ever research trip next week #it's just ... a bit much #personal thoughts #very personal thoughts #work

[imwritesometimes]

I am once again completely losing any interest or motivation to actually write anything 🙃🙃🙃

#it just poof! disappears! vanishes! gone! it has left the building! #I absolutely positively HAVE to write linearly I cannot go oh well I have the ideas for much later chapters so I'll start there #my brain does NOT work like that and quite frankly I hate the advice that's always like oh write the fun bits first then! #cause it's like bitch I KNOW myself I KNOW my brain I'd never finish ANYTHING #I am the ULTIMATE 'well this isn't fun anymore I'm dipping' bitch. QUEEN of hitting the bricks #and also my brain just. will not function in that way. things gotta be done in ORDER or it DOES. NOT. WORK. AT. ALL. EVEN. A LITTLE. #but I find myself getting very VERY self-conscious and outright repelled by own set-up and structuring if that makes any sense? #it's like I gotta BUILD to *the* part but when I work on the foundation and framework I'm like 🫤😟🥴 #it's like oh this just sounds like boring drab info dumping bullshit #and the thing is. I know it's not! I'm not a *bad* writer. I know anyone else reading it doesn't see it as #hollow paint by numbers blah blah blah bland af shit #but to ME it feels that way #and I just lose the desire to work on anything anymore #this has been going on for MONTHS now. MONTHS. I've not been able to write ANYTHING. for MONTHS. cause of this. #this stupid weird trepidation that all my setup work is just horrid awful runny dog shit #idk where it csme from. idk why it's stuck around so long. idk how to fix it. don't think it CAN be fixed at this point. #I just don't know what I'm doing man. I used to LOVE writing fic. now I'm like lol maybe DON'T do that. #erin explains it all

[regionbetween]

some of yall rly just dislike ftms and are proud of it. not all of us are """"transandrophobia truthers""""" and """"hate trans women and think we're better than them and think misandry is real""""" just bc we talk abt the very specific and REAL issues we face being both trans and men. the trans men who DO do this are not fighting for us and do not deserve to be taken seriously and generalized as the face of "transandrophobia" therefore all of the issues we are fucking begging other lgbt people to pay attention to get swept under the rug bc we're all just whack misogynists. im so done talking abt this. this is why a giant percentage of us go stealth and abandon the community that's supposed to help us. ive literally seen it happen. you people do not care about us and it is so glaringly obvious

#this is swinging a bat at a hornets nest because people will be so fast to claim im like a misogynist bc i recognize trans men have issues #like why do u want us to shut up so badly abt the oppression we face #i very much disagree with the guys who try to make it a competition and blame women for the issues because that is not the case at all #also trans women i know in real life have always been my biggest supporters and i ofc have shown them that same support #they KNOW how ppl view trans men they KNOW we're fighting the same fight #so it is absolutely batshit to 'blame them' and i personally never would #it is definitely the fault of cis people and this does not exclude cis queer people #most acts of transphobia i have personally experienced have actually been from people in the lgbt community #and it was TRANS WOMEN who stood up for me. trans women i hope u all know the right trans man who can actually fucking think with his brain #will always have your back #it just sucks that when we talk about our issues its immediately #oh you must HATE WOMEN HUH #like..no man. yall do hate ftms tho #u hate that we abandoned womanhood and you take it out on us and everything we do is policed like crazy #Whatever. its so upsetting truly #also im sorry but how come you guys can agree thst cis men can be victims under the patriarchy but for some reason trans men just arent #???? #maybe YOU are the ones who need to mske friends with ftms who dont live on tumblr and make stupid fucking comments about how evil women are #bc ive met misogynistic ftms too and yknow where they are in life? friendless and alone and miserable. #like not to pull a not all men but my God

[awek-s-archived]

literally sickens me that ppls criticisms of me even irl is that im not passive enough or that im too ill or too poor or whatever like .. do you really hate me soo much for no reason that you have to invent the most flimsy surface-level frankly concerning and invalid reasons you can for why i don’t deserve basic respect

#especially since I know my own faults down to a T so I’ll own up to it all the time if someone says something that’s genuinely ‘bad’ abt me #it makes me rly fucking sad and depressed lol. #this happens All the time but if I heard correctly my moms bf has some kind of issue w me that he won’t say #and I’ve narrowed it down to me either being depressed and having migraines (bc both come with pains and reserved mood) #or the fact that I have to live at home and subsequently have to Eat and he HATES that they have to spend money on me eating #even tho. i barely get anything bc they eat meat 3 times a day and I mostly don’t #so my daily menu literally consists of maybe a sandwich or a plate of food made from my own brain of some of the most random shit I can find #and it’s not that they don’t feed me or wtv it’s that he does that thing where he complains thinking I’m too stupid to understand what he #means but like I have 2 degrees I think I can decipher what you’re saying lmao #ik it comes from a place of insecurity bc he spends like £100 on alcohol a week and altogether the food I eat in 2 weeks doesn’t even #amount to half of that. but it’s still like. really lmao. #why does everyone always find these fucking issues w me #do you think I want to like. be sick and poor and be unable to find a job for a variety of reasons #do u think I don’t search all the time for ways to get out of here bc I know I’m not wanted like m #i get it!!!! the person I really liked and wanted to be with ditched me. my very best friend ditched me the week after. everyone has always #wanted to ditch me I get it !! im too much baggage and it’s all fun and games til I show signs of mental illness then everyone just leaves. #at least keep it on the downlow so it doesn’t make me feel more awful than I already do. #aweks.txt

[dredshirtroberts]

y'know. i don't often hate the way my brain is and how difficult it makes certain things for me.

i do a little today though.

#i'm probably going to feel this way the rest of the week #got some Stressful Stuff on my plate - none of it is world ending no matter what my brain thinks #but it's stressful and needs to get done #we already took care of One of the big major things just today because i was having a breakdown about it #because peeks threw up on my favorite shirt after having thrown up all over my bed yesterday and i'm like #she does this when there's a lot of change and stress going on and we've just moved and also we're attempting peace negotiations between he #and Solaire and it's. y'know. hampered by the fact that she's poorly socialized and both of them are dumb as rocks #and so she's stressed out because of the myriad of changes happening to her #and i'm stressed out because she's stressed out PLUS all the other bureaucratic nonsense i have in my brain #AND there's external stress in my foundkin (we're workshopping ways i can integrate the Family Label to apply to folks who weren't terrible #to me when i was a child) and it's just like #i had a really good day yesterday #i've been having pretty good days in general and i knew the crash would come and i knew that i'd get stressed about these things to the max #and that's. like. I know the science and paths behind how we got here #but i also hate that i'm here in this mindset with these things and i also cannot do the laundry myself after all #first because stairs are not always conquerable (they are Exceptionally Not For Me as of yesterday to the point where i'm going to have to #limit myself to the bathroom that doesn't have 2 stairs down to it even if it's closer in the moment) #and second because i ABHOR the texture of tide pods but i cannot deny that they are useful and so much easier to use/keep tidy #than a jug of Cleaning Goo is #so like. i'm embarrassed that all my bedding needs washing and i'm embarrassed that my shirt needs washing #and i'm embarrassed that i make dirty clothes in general and i *am* getting over that #it's slow but the fact that physically laundry is not a task i can complete on the wet side of things #(i still really enjoy the process of folding and sorting though i don't get around to it quickly) #but like. this is one of the reasons why i get freaked out about the fact that i create laundry that needs doing #even if it's not actually my fault (i'm trying very hard to remember it's not my fault the cat threw up on my clothes #and them being put away would have meant she probably would have thrown up on something else that needed to be cleaned #like the bed for example - i cannot put my whole bed away so she doesn't throw up on it) #becuase i feel like i'm burdening someone else to do a whole bunch of work for *me* and i can't do anything in return #(as if i haven't been very deliberately trying to keep up with the dishes daily this whole week so i don't feel like i contribute nothing t #the household)

[delicateimage]

I’m scared because I think I’ve accepted dying to my eating disorder yesterday

#all the motivation to eat is just totally gone. I hate it so much it’s just like a crashing wave of depression whenever I have to #there is just absolutely no joy in eating anymore like atleast. nit eating satisfies the ana part in my brain but eating just mentally kills #me #I hate how weak it makes me not physically but like mentally #whenever I’m not eating like even if it’s during a fast I can muster up energy and motivation like I’ve been able to exercise and learn a #new language again but omg whenever I eat I just can’t do anything sometimes I can but mentally I’m sc@ed and just wanted to crawl on the #floor shrivel up and die #also I’ve been having weird dreams lately I’m scared they’re like prophetic or something but I don’t know where they’re coming from #oh and most of all I hate how sad my family is because of this… if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t even of had the courage to recover so #them seeing me fail is so painful #but why does actually being healthy and having a healthy relationship with food seem scarier…. #like the ed is just over and over and over again telling me PHONY PHONY WORTHLESS WASTE POSER YOURE YSING THEM #ugh #I think today accepting death might get worse #I just got reminded of my best friend and how losing contact to her is so awful #there’s like a tear in my heart now I was never able to notice but ever since we stopped talking it’s always been there and it hurts so much #and I’m just realizing 5hat now…. #like there’s no one on earth that could fill the importance she had in my life. she helped me through so much and I’ve just now realized how #much I’ve taken her for granted #it’s like another form of death in a way because how could I ever go back to having that relationship or in the same way #it’s like losing my older sister.. :( #I’d love to send her something like even just a letter thanking her because idk if she just wants to like #never talk to me again but #I think it would be easier to come to terms with everything that way… #it’s weird not knowing if you’ll die at 17 or 70 and you just have to like figure out while living every moment accepting it #somet8mes accepting the fact I will die brings a lot of comfort it usually does anyways #also it’s ed brain twlking but I’ve never felt like I’ve suffered enough to deserve my treatment #like I’ve never had the guts to just fully malnourish myself enough to have this hospitalization scare floating over be valid #especially after I’ve gained weight #and everything’s just crashing down reminding me of when I was 14 and had my first deep ed era

[unkreativstermensch]

"Still super jealous as hell by the way.“

"Okay, now, can you…get outta my face?“ Steve annoyedly swats a hand at Eddie’s chest and ducks out of his space.

Eddie sighs and shakes his head. "Why are you-" He purses his lips, thinks. "You don’t…you still don’t like me very much, do you?"

At that Steve stops walking, huffs out an annoyed breath and presses his eyes closed. He turns to Eddie, looks at him with an expression Eddie can’t read and says, "No, Eddie. No, I don’t."

Eddie just watches him for a second, not sure what to do, studies his face, the furrow between his brows, the clear discomfort in his expression.

He scoffs. Getting a little angry. "Jesus, man,“ he says. "You just can’t get over it, huh? And here I was rambling on about how you were actually a good dude after all, but…no, turns out Steve Harrington is still just as much stuck in his stupid high school mindset as I would have thought.“

Steve just looks more annoyed now, a slight shift in his eyebrow and…he looks…frustrated? A little? How does that make sense?

"You,“ Steve says, voice low, but not because of the monsters, Eddie knows that much, "are unbelievable.“

Eddie blinks. "What?“

"Eddie, you’re the one who can’t get over it,“ Steve accuses him. "You always talk about that non-conformist shit and how people should just stop with the categories and drawers and labels but, dude, you’ve never judged people that way yourself! I have been saved in your brain as this dumb idiot jock ever since you’ve known me and…“ Steve huffs out an unbelieving breath. "And Eddie, I don’t know what to tell you…but you’ve never been nice to me. Ever. And when Lucas made the basketball team, which is amazing, by the way, you weren’t proud of him or supported him for that incredible achievement like you should have if he’s really one of your 'little sheep‘.“ He draws quotation marks in the air. "You punished him for it. You said you can’t make Hellfire? Fuck you. I’m just gonna have the most important part of the campaign without you, because you know what, you don’t deserve us anymore now that you’ve joined the dark side. Now that you’ve taken up a…a jock game. Because god forbid, somebody could actually ever enjoy playing sports.“

Eddie can’t follow. His mind’s lagging behind, still stuck on Steve apparently knowing DnD terms and saying he was never nice to him and-

Steve takes another step back.

"Eddie, for as long as I can remember you hated me. And yeah, sure, I was stupid and I did some stupid things, but…“ he shrugs one sided. "But I don’t think I deserve to be treated that way. I think I at least deserved a chance. And you never gave me one.“

Eddie blinks. "What do you mean I never gave you a chance, I-"

"Biology, sophomore year,“ Steve interrupts him. "We were assigned lab partners. I tried to really…put all of it aside, tried to get to know you, because actually, Eddie, you know what? I was sort of obsessed with you. Because you were so…loud and so unashamedly yourself, I admired you so much. You didn’t care about anything and you stood up for yourself and that’s something I’ve never been able to do, my whole life. I…“ Steve looks down, sighs a little. "I let people push me around because it’s the only way I feel like I can be of use. But you…you made me believe that maybe actually I…could do it, you know? Like, tell Tommy H. off or something…“ He looks so hurt. Eddie kind of wants to die. "But you…you acted like it was the worst thing ever, getting partnered with me. You didn’t even look at me. You…never gave me a chance, Eddie. So…sorry if one 'you’re actually a good dude, Harrington' doesn’t make me forget all of that, make up for it. Because I’m not so sure I believe you.“

Oh.

Oh no.

Eddie fucked up.

#Steve is so wrong about what made eddie act like that #my boy had a crush #a bad one #steddie #stranger things #steve x eddie #steve harrington #eddie munson

[confused-wanderer]

No because I can’t be the only one who thinks that the other batkids mess with Damian’s non-existent knowledge of jokes and references. Each of the batkids already has their own niche of bad jokes they love saying. And Damian is just adding fuel to the fire by being an unsuspecting victim:

Dick: Knock knock

Damian *who’s seen Superman and Jon do this all the time* : .. who’s there?

Dick: Nobody

Damian: …nobody.. who?

Dick:

Damian: ?

Dick *keeping a poker face*

Damian: Grayson.. nobody who?

Dick *shaking with silent laughter before walking out of the room*

Damian: .. Grayson has lost what little brain cells he had left. Shame, it was the most anyone had in the family.

Alfred: Master Damian.. it is you who didn’t understand.

Damian: .. what?

Alfred *raises an eyebrow*

Damian:

Damian *realisation dawns*

Damian *marching out of the room while unsheathing his katana*

Alfred: Keep away from the carpet Master Damian.

OR

Jason: You know.. you always see flamingoes sleep with one leg lifted off the ground..why do you think that is?

Damian: .. you pose a good question for once Todd. I suppose it could be a form of protecting body heat.. what is the reason for this?

Jason *wheezing*: It’s ‘cause if they had both legs up they would’ve fallen over.

*doubles over laughing at his own joke*

Damian:

Jason *now fallen over, rolling on the ground*

Damian: This is why Father doesn’t love you.

It has also led to an unintended common ground between him and Tim, who are both just so done with the rest of the family. Stephanie is just waiting for the day Damian realises that Tim references vines almost everyday. She’s sure Tim’s going to lose a kidney when that happens.

Bonus points if Tim already does, but Damian just looks at him weird every time and just chalks it upto another “Tim thing” like:

Tim: .. it is Wednesday my dudes.. *screams*

Damian: … Drake it’s Friday. The only thing you succeed at is disappointing me.

OR

Tim: Do it for the vine.

*jumps into blazing fire with a bomb hidden somewhere in the building about to collapse without informing anyone or taking proper equipment to find said bomb*

Damian: Father told me I must not hate you, but if you were on fire, and I had a glass of water.. I would drink it.

And

Tim *driving while in a high-speed chase with a villain about to summon the end of the world while the car is on fire*: Road work ahead? Uh yeah, I sure hope it does

Damian *over the comms* : Father I fear Drake has more brain damage than he usually does. I have genuine concern for my safety. If I kill him, you should know it’s in self-defence.

————-////

Edit: The first joke is a knock knock joke but when Dick says nobody it means nobody is at the door, so no matter how much you say “nobody who?” you won’t get a reply because there’s no one at the door. Hope this clears it up😅

#batman #dick grayson #jason todd #nightwing #red hood #tim drake #batfam #bruce wayne #damian wayne #headcanons #robin!damian wayne #Damian al-ghul #red robin #Stephanie brown #spoiler

[autolenaphilia]

Edit: as hoshi9zoe pointed out, the original version of this post needlessly berated other transfems like Jennifer Coates, for which I do apologize, and I have toned it down in this edited version. The original version survives in reblogs.

Some months ago, I was searching through this transandrobro blog to see if they posted a callout of me, and i found this reblog, which I couldn't really write about for months, because what do I even write. I recently wayback machined it for posterity, and I guess this is my attempt to write a post about it.

It's saint-dyke himself, the coiner of transandrophobia, saying that the infamous (at least for me) article "I am a transwoman. I'm in the closet. I'm not coming out" is what made him coin the fucking word. It's literally bolded and underlined: "Reading this article is what made me coin “transandrophobia”.

The reason I put off writing this post is that reading that article makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. And it is poison, make no mistake, it's internalized transmisogyny brainworms dripping out of the writer's brain and onto the page.

It's a justification for why the author, known by pseudonym Jennifer Coates, doesn't want to transition, despite knowing she is a trans woman. And it's the exact kind of internalized transmisogyny that keeps trans women in repression and not transitioning. "I'm not going to pass, i'm forever going to be an ugly freak who will at best be humored by other women, the closet is uncomfortable but at least it's safe"

It's the same exact bullshit a lot of represssed trans women tell themselves because it's what society tells us about trans women, that we are freakish parodies of women, that we will never pass, and if we don't pass we have failed and are ugly freaks. It's all to scare us into staying in the closet and make others hate and fear us. Transmisogyny permeates our society, and the majority, maybe all transfems will absorb and internalize some of it.

Coates says that it all is just applicable to her, but again so many transfems believe this shit before transitioning and realizing it's a pack of lies. If this bullshit was in any way valid, a lot of trans women shouldn't transition, because before we actually transition many of us believe it word for word. And "it's only true for me" is how we justify it to ourselves. We tend to be way harsher on ourselves than others. This kind of self-hating transfem tends to think: "Other trans women are beautiful graceful goddesses, earthly manifestations of the divine feminine, always destined to be women, while I'm an ugly forever male ogre who just has a fetish."

It's all bullshit, it's poison, it's internalized transmisogyny.

And the rest of the article is bullshit too. It is not some insightful mediation on gender as some people say, it's the author confusing and mixing up actual transmisogyny with an imagined problem of misandry. She does this because she has gone full repression mode, and decided she has no other choice to live as a man, so her dysphoria and experiences of transmisogyny are actually men's problems.

It's a bad article, excusable because as Coatas points out, it's "essentially a diary entry." that was meant to be a way to "vent frustration" and she "did not intend for anyone else to actually read it." It is clearly not the product of a healthy mind.

I hope the author sometime in the past seven years eventually did transition, and that for whatever reason she didn't want to publicly repudiate her own article. Maybe she lost access to the medium account so she can't delete it.

Far worse than the article itself is the response to it. I've seen it passed around as some insightful commentary on gender by the "feminists are too mean to men, misandry is real" crowd. I have argued against this before. And other people have made insightful comments about it.

And learning that saint-dyke claiming that he was inspired to coin the word "transandrophobia" because of this article is the cherry on top of this shitcake of transmisogyny. For my thoughts on "transandrophobia" theory and how transmisogynistic it is, see here.

Of course, Saint-dyke absolutely could be bullshitting here. Claiming that Coates's article is what inspired him to coin the word might be a lie to claim that transandrophobia theory is not transmisogynistic because it came from listening to trans women.

This is why "listen to trans women" doesn't work. Because TME people will always choose a trans woman who confirms their prejudices. Blair White has made an entire career out of this. And Coates article is popular because it says that misandry is real and trans women's issues are partly caused by it, misgendering herself and other trans women.

And it's popular for another reason. Coates has thoroughly internalized transmisogyny, and thus her article presents a trans woman that is exactly as transmisogynistic patriarchal society wants her to be. She is suffering, but ultimately accepts her assigned role. She truly believes that her biological sex dooms her to forever be male. She literally "manages her dysphoria by means other than transition" as conversion therapy advocates want us to do. She never makes an social claim on womanhood by actually transitioning, so she doesn't invade the sacred women's spaces. Yet she performs the role of woman perfectly by serving men, by defending them from supposed feminist misandry. And she fulfils the ritualistic role that the rhetorical figure of "trans women" sometimes serves in progressive spaces, of giving a blessing to TME people's pre-existing views and actions, all while actual flesh-and-blood trans women are destroyed by those same deeply transmisogynistic spaces. This time it's a blessing for the same "misandry is real" soft-MRA bullshit that has infested the online left and created the transandrophobia crowd.

That is why this article and the positive response makes me sick, makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. This is what its fans want trans women to be like. I'm acutely aware this kind of self-denial is exactly what transmisogyny wants from me and tried to indoctrinate me into doing it. And I want none of it. I want to live, I want to be a woman.

#my writings #transmisogyny #jennifer coates #this is a lot more emotional than i usually am #but i'm so angry and disgusted

[rowanswriting]

Mr. Mechanic - E.M.

wordcount- 1.5K

warnings: spitting, choking, p in v sex, older Eddie ((he’s 40 and reader is 29)) name calling, roughness, cum eating, they almost get caught, if any of this makes you uncomfortable please don’t read it and lemme know if I missed something and I’ll add it to the warnings! Do not read unless you’re eighteen or over, thank you! feedback welcome as always! ❤️ @voyeurmunson thanks for the help on this sweetheart!

“Y’know we don’t have very much time sweetheart.” He whispers in your ear, deep and full of lust. You moan quietly, biting your lip hard to keep yourself as quiet as possible as his hands run themselves down your torso and to the top of your jeans. “Just couldn’t help yourself could you, had to walk in here looking like absolute sin? Bet your daddy doesn’t like that very much does he?” You fight the urge to roll your eyes, pushing your ass back against him hard, feeling his hips dig into you, his obvious bulge pressing up against your ass. “Quit talking and get to it already Mr. Munson, before he catches us.” He shushes you quickly, wrapping one of his hands around your throat and pulling your head back so he can lean down close to you, you groan out as his brown eyes narrow at you. “That’s not how you fucking talk to me is it baby?” You shake your head ‘no’, earning a disappointed look from Eddie. “I thought I taught you better than this doll. You answer me with words.” He says harshly, quickly letting go of your throat to push your pants down hastily. You look down, watching your clothing hit the dirty shop’s flooring, ‘oh well I can wash those later’ your mind quickly focuses back on the older man behind you as you watch his thick fingers hook into the sides of the tiny thong you purposely wore just for him today. “Baby have I ever told you why your dad watches me so closely when you’re around?” You go to shake your head before remembering his rule, muttering out a quiet ‘no’ instead. “Your dad only watches me when you’re here, he knows I can’t keep my eyes off of you, and I think you like knowing that this is wrong. I could get fired for this, but I don’t care.” You fight back a smirk, you naturally knew the effect you had on Eddie, it was pretty obvious. Every time you made a trip to your dad’s car shop, Eddie was always following you around like a lost puppy. It was adorable to you, but your dad hated it. You wanted to talk back and tell him how he’s ’not slick’ but you didn’t get the chance, hearing his belt being buckled behind you sent your brain into overdrive, your legs shaking with anticipation as you bend further over the car, waiting for him to give you what you need. “Tell me baby, do you like showing up here, looking like a slut? Do you like making me so hard that I feel as if I could cum in my pants again like some virgin who can’t control themselves?” You bite your lip hard as his ringed hand slaps down onto your ass, before he’s digging his blunt nails into it, causing pleasure and pain to shoot its way through your body, your toes curling in your shoes as you do your best to answer him. He doesn’t give you very much time to reply before he’s pushing his boot in between your shaking legs, spreading them apart for him. Your body jolts as you feel something wet slide down from your ass to your pussy, shockwaves of pleasure course their way all through you as you realize that he just spit on you, ‘dirty old fucker.’ You thought, laughing slightly before the air feels as if it’s being punched out of you, he doesn’t even warm you up before he’s pushing the tip of his cock against you, muttering out about how you have the ‘prettiest pussy’ he’s ever seen. You clench your eyes tightly, the feeling of how big he is isn’t something you’re used to, his big hands are placed gently on your hips as he pushes in further and further, just when you think you can’t take much more he bottoms out inside of you, his hips pressed up snug against your ass as you clench around him. The intensity of how deep he is makes you feel like you could pass out, but it was the most delicious thing you’d ever felt. Your eyes threaten to roll to the back of your head as he pushes you down flat against the car in front of you, he places his hand right in the middle of your back, holding you down as you squirm beneath him, he thrusts once, twice, before he’s picking up the pace, Eddie Munson is anything but gentle when it comes to fucking, and you were finding that out.

You moan loudly, trying to find a place to grip on the car but it’s too slick, your hands sliding down it pathetically as you cry and drool all over the hood. “Oh baby, you look so pathetic, look at you making a mess on my customer's car. You’re cleaning that up when we’re done here.” He laughs, pushing in even deeper as his other hand digs into your hip, it’ll cause a bruise later but you’d welcome the reminder of being taken apart by him like this. “Dirty old man.” You spit out rolling your eyes no, as he fucks you harder than you’ve ever been fucked in your life, tears well up in your eyes as he slaps your ass again. “Sorry, what’s that? Oh wait, look who’s the one getting fucked by the ‘dirty old man’ awww sweetheart you really wounded me.” You clench around him again, your brain fuzzy and floating as your orgasm approaches. “Fuck… Eddie please…” you moan, pushing up a little to look back at him. He was a sight to be seen, the bun that he was sporting earlier in the day was gone, his crazy curls were everywhere, framing around his face beautifully. He’d pulled his shirt up enough for you to be able to see his stomach flexing every time he slid back into you, you wanted to run your tongue all over him and never stop. “Please what?” He pouts at you, laughing sadistically as you push back against him, asking for more. “W-wanna cum, please let me cum, can’t hold it anymore.” You cry out, not even waiting for him to allow you before your orgasm comes crashing down, Eddie moans out behind you, keeping his grip on you and grinding his hips against you slowly, letting you ride out the waves of pleasure making their way through you. You slump against the car lazily, your breathing slowing down some as you sigh. “You’re precious, get up and get your ass on that car, right now.” The assertiveness in his tone is all the motivation you need as you sit up quickly, pushing your pants off the rest of the way and spinning yourself around, sitting down on the car before scooting back on it and spreading your legs. “Keep them open for me sweetheart, gonna cum all over your pretty pussy.” You look up at him, his eyes black with lust as he strokes himself in front of you. You wanted to suck him off but there was no time to, ‘maybe another day’, you think as he tenses up in front of you. “C'mon Mr. Munson, give it to me.” The most beautiful sound comes out of his mouth as you lay back in front of him, he strokes one more time before he’s cumming all over your pussy, some of it is hitting the car beneath you, it’s an absolute mess, but so hot. You look up at him and smirk before pulling him down into a kiss, it’s filthy and full of want. As soon as you go to speak you hear the door rattle on the other side of the room. “Oh shit… my dad!” You whisper, trying to get off the car as quickly as you can while Eddie pulls his clothes back up. “No wait, get over there and clean up the car. I can’t have him see that.” He says, staring directly at you. “How am I supposed to do that Eddie?!” He laughs quietly, and points to your mouth, you don’t have time to think as you hear keys being put into the door, you quickly drop down and pick up all of his cum off of the hood, before standing back up, grabbing your pants and getting them up as fast as you can before turning to Eddie again for a moment. “Show me.” He whispers, grabbing onto your chin and tilting your face up towards him. You stick your tongue out proudly, before swallowing and leaning up to kiss him sweetly. “Get to work Mr. Munson, I'll see you some other time.” You whisper smiling at him before sneaking out the back door, just in time to hear your dad come into the shop. “There you are Eddie! I’ve got another job for you, but do you want to go grab some lunch first?” You hear him say as you laugh, walking back down the street towards your car.

#eddie munson smut #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x fem!reader smut #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #older eddie munson #older eddie #eddie munson x female character #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x fem smut