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mcytblr-archive · 1 month

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Early MCYTblr Interviews: warpedfungusonastick

today's interviewee is warpedfungusonastick, who's been in MCYTblr since the summer of 2020 and is a member of dreamlying! below is a transcript of their account of early MCYTblr.

Digging back into what I have of my online history, I started the tumblr blog warpedfungusonastick in late July 2020. Beforehand I had a very small <20 follower dttwt account and saw that the Tumblr community was more my vibe. I was 18 when I got into being a dteam ~fan and my personal views on fandom and stan culture and parasocial relationships were, while still evolving, kind of against a lot of the culture that was growing up around especially the twitter fan community.

(This being said, this was the depths of COVID lockdown and I rarely left my house because I was a senior in high school in the U.S. and living with someone who absolutely could not get sick. So I was terminally online and can definitely say in retrospect deeply invested in the fan culture and even the creators/their online personas while being semi-ironically self aware of this relationship.)

I first saw a dteam video in later 2019. Funny enough (and not funny at all, because I think about these Patterns quite a lot), I had then just left the Cryaotic fandom. If you don't know, he was an old friend of pewdiepie who split with him around the time of or before the multiple pewdiepie scandals and pewdiepie whistling off several alt-right dog whistles and that whole thing. But back to the point, like a month after i became a regular Cryaotic Twitch viewer, a long expose came out about him being abusive to his ex-girlfriend and a groomer of underaged fans. Cryaotic was a faceless streamer whose iconography was this little blob thing and I will not abandon the theory that the origins of Dreamwastaken fanart are the direct successor to humanized fanart of this Cryaotic persona.

Through the whole Cryaotic thing I first found out about kiwifarms/lolcow. What stuck to me, beyond the abhorrent stuff said on those sites, was that they had a pretty clear system of archiving things using sites such as archive.is and were completely unafraid to post "doxxed" materials anonymously.

Commentary on DL interviews: - I fully second what georgesoot said about "No it's not odd, I at least partially strove for infamy. Any attention gratifies the ego after all, not just positive attention. Then there was the absurdity of it all". I tried to be a lot less controversial than some other DL members, but I did run with them and did say some things that weren't within the typical conventions of more mainstream and popular blogs of the time. It was a dopamine hit for people to interact with my blog--like any social media--but I/we did it in a kind of absurdist way at a point with the things we said and the ways we kind of transgressed whatever the normal way of being a fan blog was. - Re: Wormweeb--I was also kind of mentally ill and depressed and really only interacted with both friends online (even if they were friends from school). And as a result I took it all a bit more seriously than it was at the time. This is is less related but I used to get these--visceral? reactions to when Drama would happen because I was personally invested more so because I didn't want my online friend group who (although seen as a united front on the outside sometimes, I think) each had our Faves in the mcyt space and had had petty infighting over the morals of that (both seriously and unseriously, but everything starts to bleed, in my opinion).

More about my previous exposure to Minecraft fandom: I used to follow mianite back in the day and watched a lot of captiansparklez & aureylian. Since I joined the dteam fandom before any blog presence I was there for their very first streams (which got like…5k views 10k?) and the birth of the dsmp as essentially a server for friends (which led to minor discourse later when the line between roleplay and people on a MC server blurred.)

So my points of reference for these types of fandoms were a fandom that was very much for younger children (Mianite) and therefore the creators were treated with more distance and the recently up-in-flames Cryaotic fandom.

Back to doxxing/archiving/odd relation between: I used to joke about the tension between the right to privacy and to be forgotten on the internet and the right for nosy teenagers with too much time on their hands (and literally obsession brainworms) to dig up your past. Two things I think that were interesting about the most (in my opinion) morally dubious element of mcytblr and most people formed their negative opinions of critblr on was the having/knowing "forbidden" information. Most of this we were either told by randos or knew through other people online. A lot of it also ended up on Dream's kiwifarms, but that was a bit of a two-way street.

And the second part of this whole thing is the way that this information would come up among The Discourse. Because knowing some of the things we/I knew, you could call out creator's lies/misrepresentations of their histories/online pasts in ways that people who didn't know couldn't. Which was kind of where some of the in-jokes came from. I also took the habit of archiving things (old accounts, posts, whatever) to archive.is and such at the time because I fell on the 'I don't want this digital history to be erased if only for my own sanity.'

I think this has been rehashed before, but at every corner, the mcyt/dteam fandom was a fandom like any other, complicated by the fact that it was a real person fandom. And especially on tumblr where the Culture was a little different because no creators (few creators) were on Tumblr, people kind of just said and did whatever. I struggle to think of any of this as important in the grand scheme of anything, but there was a massive outpour of content because of the sheer size of the fandom across all platforms. There was 24/7 content, big fomo, and so I think blogs acted like pundits--like a forum on the newist in DSMP or Love or Host or MCC or whatever. My memory of that time has atrophied a lot but I think that DL and co. cropped up as the pundit subclass (however some of us had actual talent like wormweeb and made fanworks) and the fandom overall was sustained by a sprawling form of Conversation on the Latest Content.

Q: right-- and while other blogs caught people up on streams, dream lying was more interested in meta on the creators themselves?

I think that was a part of it. We were all united in this semi-ironic cynicism about fandom culture as a whole while being fans ourselves, and we socially shared this Vision of a number of variably worded critiques about - stan culture - cancel culture - the dangers/pitfalls/intricacies of these.

I think a lot of it was just shits and giggles, but at least I at one point had this idea that I was a tiny little measured response to the excess of fandom culture. I looked down on uncritical fandom and thought that especially because some of these creators cultivated deeply parasocial relationships with their young fans (I was not much older, but all 18 year olds are Like That) it was some sort of imperative to talk about that at least a little bit.

As I read through my old posts--these was a lot of self important a lot of rambling a lot of nonsense. And I don't really think that these fandom culture can be changed by one little microblogger with a couple hundred followers, but I stand by a lot of my initial criticisms of the ecosystem as a whole and mainly the creators themselves and their (heh) lying, their harm, their overall misconduct and above all the systems that created and enable their whacky ass bullshit to this day. .

But the doubled edged sword of (I return to the forbidden info thruline) I never really shared info that was private because I wanted to be somewhat ethical, so it always felt a bit like we/I was going crazy with things I knew to be true but obviously wouldn't share because that's nor super moral.

Another note about The Rumors and DreamLying--in my memory we kind of thought were Something. And I guess we've been nudged along in that perception but I think the most vocal and controversial of us just said wild shit that stuck in people's brains and for the longest time I didn't associate myself with dream lying at all on Warpedfungus because I wanted to be Somewhat Normal, if measuredly critical and just…vibing. But I think at circles back to a lot of this being wank amongst a handful of terminally online people who at the time didn't get out enough and, like, fixated on this Thing because it was community (or a facsimile of) and at the end of the way we're all just archives or archived pages or gone forever.

(Which reminds me that for the longest time I had you and Roxytonic blocked because I thought archiving was corny but I now think it's kind of cool. It's a nostalgia trip, if anything else. I'm now in another fandom that would've really benefited from some hardcore archiving because so much of the old internet (and fan spaces amongst them--ie ff.net, livejournal, even more underground spaces) are completely lost to the sands of time and the deletion of those hosting sites, etc)

Q: i am very interested in your thoughts on, as you mentioned before in reference to cryaotic, the way that creators cultivate and manipulate fanbases, and the effects you think it had on how the mcytblr fandom

Dream, along with "learning/studying the algorithm" and getting insanely lucky, did many specific things to cultivate a fandom of immensely parasocial fans. And regardless of my cynical vision of what his motives were, his actions of wanting to be seen as a 'friend', sharing many personal details, being accessible to fans, DMing young stan accounts, following fan accounts, OKaying a lot of fanworks about him/his personal and the whole…gaybaiting (you know what i"m referring to) thing had the result of a very large very dedicated fanbase.

As far as cryaotic, it's my theory that dream knew the effect on having a very…intimate…relationship with his conventionally not ugly young white man friend, and used that. And as far as the other element that I associate between dteam/cryaotic--these were men who had very boring lives and probably saw themselves as undesirable to women Until they had this massive following and this kind of situation happens time and time again where people get Influence that didn't used to have and do messed up things with it. And I don't know what's to be done, but it's quite bad and completely goes against the "wholesome" image they try to cultivate. If not some of the stuff being actually crimes.

I think the common perception is sometimes that these cases are "bad apples" when there are so many bad apples And not even in the man aint shit way, but unlike more conventional routes to Fame, mcyts have no oversight unless they join and esports org and still then…the org may just side iwth them if it's worth it. And that's not to say that this stuff doesn't happen with conventional celebrity and even on college campuses and in everyday life and whatnot but I think people in such a public eye should be held to standards of conduct that may prevent some of this.

#early mcytblr interviews #Volume 14 #warpedfungusonastick

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randolphbellmd · 1 year

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please forgive this long-winded recap of the year i am experiencing some uncharacteristic optimism and don’t know what else to do with it.

to preface, the last four new years eve’s have been awful. in 2018, my friend was in the process of breaking up with me but didn’t have the courtesy to tell me. in 2019, i was a ninth wheel at a party hosted by said “friend”. 2020 speaks for itself, i think.

my 2021 ended after a neuropsychologist doing a 45 min test (instead of an 8 hour assessment) and telling me that the crippling dysfunction that i had been struggling with for years was just single pandemic grad student things. she suggested i start taking a medication i’d already tried and vitamin D. this was a three days before my second pandemic xmas alone. i spent the next four days exclusively watching a sitcom and doing a puzzle (to get out of my head) and filled a script for a third attempt at antidepressants. i decided that if multiple therapists and an actual medical doctor was going to look at me and say “it’s nothing, just try harder,” then i was officially on my own. i had no friends in town, i had no one who could help me do my job, and i couldn’t rely on a doctor to help me. i was on my own to create my own support network.

for months i was fueled exclusively by spite, fictional characters, and a daily dose of meds. i wanted to get out of grad school. i wanted to be “doctor”. not because of the status or the jobs but because i wanted to be dr. and not mrs. or ms., and i didn’t want to quit after 6 years of being here already. that fueled me enough to stumble through a few months. i got some of my mojo back and started doing experiments again, which meant that i would get closer to graduating. then i tricked myself into thinking i had so much mojo that in the summer, i scheduled and finished a massive 12 weeks of 60+ hr/week. and i did it. all via faking it until i made it.

it turns out i made it.

but what really changed was that sometime in may/june, i started being able to see the future again. for the first time in years, i could see my future. grad school is always this purgatory between student and career and for years (coupled with isolation and general sam-ness) i couldn’t see any way out of it. not in a i-wish-i-was-dead way but the view of the future just looked like this big, dark, never-ending tunnel. this year i could finally see the signs that pointed toward the exit. i’m even getting close enough to see the light at the end.

i started thinking about how i saw myself in that future, and what being “dr.” actually meant. i’ve always been somewhat gender neutral (being named sam rocks, btw) and had been wearing almost exclusively men’s clothes for years, but i started thinking about how much better it felt when i allowed myself to be truly gender neutral all the time. when i was dr. sam, what did that look like? and i did a search for top surgery. i kinda laughed it off and was like yeah, wouldn’t that be nice, but eh, not now.

until i stopped saying “eh, not now.” and started saying “why not now?” and after weeks of detailed research it was looking more like now was exactly the right time. for a hundred reasons i won’t go into. i told my therapist and she asked how it felt to say that out loud and i said “this is the first time in years i’ve felt good about the future.” i called the hospital the next day and set up a consultation that at the time was nine months in advance. it’s in april of next year. which means the procedure will be sometime late next fall, right around my 30th birthday.

since that day, everything’s felt a little more hopeful. i had a hard deadline for when i wanted to be done with my experiments... because i would be recovering from surgery. i started exercising regularly... to be in better shape before the procedure. and it just snowballed from there. i’ve been exercising 4+ days/week for 20 weeks straight because i found a program that i like (and have lost 15 lbs because of it). i finished a huge experiment this summer and next month is my qualifying exam. i’m actually scientifically working on my gut, and had to give up my favorite foods for months to do so. i bought a suit. i made a tattoo appointment. i wrote 200,000 words of fanfiction. i got a new therapist to help with the OCD. i hadn’t brought any meat into my home in years on account of crippling anxiety and i’ve cooked chicken three times. this month.

and if you’re wondering, these are all little changes. the workouts started as 30 min low-impact HIIT videos on youtube. the chicken isn’t magically a good sauteed chicken stir fry, it’s “i’m going to use tongs to throw this in the crock pot and not look at it for 4 hours until it’s cooked to death, but that still counts as cooking it.” it’s baby steps, but it’s real steps.

oh, and i got a second opinion from a different neuropsychologist, and after a full clinical assessment, i got a diagnosis that made sense. and it was even better than the first, because after getting that diagnosis, nothing has changed. my life wasn’t magically better because a doctor told me what was up, it just made me feel a little better about why things are so hard, and made me want to work harder on those things.

god just typing this doesn’t feel like it’s all true but it is. i sound like a cliche.

looking back at all the resolutions i wrote at the beginning of the year... i’ve hit all of them somehow. be ready for my qualifying exam, exercise more, cook meat... all of them. initially thanks to spite, tv, and antidepressants, but then because i started saying “why not now” (and also spite, tv, and antidepressants). it all snowballed. i’m writing this because i genuinely can’t believe what i’ve accomplished this year. especially because of where i was last year at this time, sitting in my shower thinking i was permanently broken and nothing would fix me, and i would never see through the darkness of this tunnel.

tl;dr: never underestimate the power of spite, small joys (read: tv), medication, and faking it till you make it. because if you do that enough, you won’t be faking it anymore, you’ll just be doing it. that perseverance will spill into other parts of your life if you let it. so much so that after 365 days, you won’t believe you were able to do all of this by - and for - yourself. create your own community. stick with it. change what isn’t working. try the meds. live for yourself.

this year, i lived for myself. it doesn’t feel real, but it is.

#this is very long and very self-indulgent please ignore #but if you've been following me since 2013 you'll know how Big this is #still a long way to go before i am 'happy' but i feel... good.

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girlstrider · 1 year

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Hey, remember that self insert acecattorney au that i made? I got more lore for it and possible retconning because i realized my ideas back then weren't realistic

Here's how it is now:

In the beginning of the au, winter of 2020, i was quite shy and took a long time to even trust phoenix alone to be able to hold a comfortable conversation with him

Only towards the end of the internship, i become somewhat close to him

Around spring 2021, i was comfortable enough to come out as nonbinary to him, making him the very first person i came out to in this au

Upon hearing this, he gave me the nickname nat, which later becomes my new name

After that, we unfortunately fall out of contact slowly until we meet again almost two years later, february 2023

He has to defend one of my teachers who's wrongfully accused of murder

He comes to my school to investigate the bunker in the basement of the school, where the crime scene is

He's glad to see me again but is surprised that i've seemingly changed in attitude, but eventually just finds out i'm only like that around my best friend

Around him i'm still pretty shy at first, almost as shy as when my internship at his law office ended

Phoenix is a bit bummed at the thought of having to befriend me again, but decides to do it and talks to me whenever he gets the chance to

We both find out that we're big fans of doctor who and he finds out i've watched south park during the two years

Phoenix eventually befriends me again and gains the trust of my best friend, causing him to be included in the friend group

He learns about the way we show our friendship (showing each other the middle finger affectionately, insulting each other and lighthearted bullying) and is surprised and confused about it but tries to tag along, which comes off as awkward at first, but he does get the hang of it

He also finds out that in serious situations, where we need comfort, we immediately turn from well-meaning bullies to worried and genuinely caring friends, dropping everything to be there for each other

I've forgotten bits and pieces of the au, so i just decided to update it while knowing more of the lore than back then

Here are some important details:

Phoenix's disbarment never happened, but he still got to adopt trucy

Phoenix and miles married sometime in 2019

Miles got to adopt kay

The four moved to germany in early 2020, before the pandemic broke out in germany

And now for some stupid headcanons i made for this au thst make absolutely no sense whatsoever:

After my best friend finds out sans from undertale calls guacamole "guac dip" and gets offended by it, phoenix bullies him about it, to which he promptly recieves "friendly punchies" from him

He bullies my best friend multiple times throughout the same day and every time he does he gets friendly punchies

I manage to get phoenix into deponia, with him eventually admitting to me that he has a small crush on rufus

After he gets the games for himself, he calls me in the middle of the night, admitting that he's been playing all night and wanted someone to talk to after finishing the first game

Phoenix gets called "igelkopf" by the friend group, which translates to hedgehog head

Phoenix drinks energy drinks from time to time but will deny it, especially when you offer him one

When you offer him an energy drink, he'll snatch it from you WHILE STILL DENYING HE DRINKS THEM and as soon as he takes the first sip, he's like "alright, you got me, that stuff is alright"

(Now a few lighthearted ones)

He knows i see him like a big brother and plays into that role by accommodating my needs as an autistic person and caring for me

He felt pity for me when i told him my situation at home and my relationship to my mother got worse since the internship, which is also the reason he plays into the big brother role

When i first told him i changed my middle name to his name, he took it as a joke, but after i told him a week later that it wasn't a joke, he got very emotional

He notices i've gotten sensitive to loud noises and gets worried since during the internship he could slam his hands on the desk during trials right next to me and i wouldn't even flinch

Ok, this is quite a lot, but it needed to be written down or else i forget sone details again

#ace attorney #phoenix wright #au #alternate universe #self insert #narumitsu

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alec-1016 · 1 year

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hi, this is a sleep-drunk vent session. pls feel free to ignore

cw: childhood.(idk, its not trauma, but it wasnt pleasant), internalized ableism, internalized transphobia, internalized misogyny, depression, anxiety, mentions of ed, sh and su1cide

also spelling errors

so, i just wanna vent abt liking shit. i grew up in a very privileged house, w both my parents being uni professors, so it was a very...intellectual house

i also grew up autistic. i was very often praised for being "good", quiet, smart, speaking in words too advanced for my age, reading and writing abovd my grade level, etc. so it kinda became "obvious" that i would become intellectually inclined, like my parents and older sisters

oh yeah, there is an eleven year age gap between me and my older sister, and a fourteen year gap begween me and my oldest sister. i grew up with adults.

there were barely any chdren for me to play w outside of school, so i decided i was better off alone. i read, drew, madr up complex imaginary scenarios in my head. i also tried to listen in and even participate in the adults discussions, and that also got me praise. i have always been a people pleaser.

so after i grew a bit, by like, middle school, i thiught i couldnt like kids things anymore. but i ciuldnt like teen things either bc i wasnt old enough for that. so i didnt really like stuff. i hid my special interests(harry p*tter🤢🤢 and riordanverse, mostly) from basically everyone, and threw myself into school

i have had anxiety ever since i can remember, and some symptoms of depression presented as early as 11. i have a cousin that is also deeply depressed, and that has been throigh roigher patchrs than i have. i always saw her as kinda my reslomsability, bc i was "well" and she wasnt. well, bc of all that, she loved to make fum of me. her parents used to unintentionally put us against each other and compare us, bc i wad the golden child and she was FUCKING DEPRESSED AND DIDNT LIKE SCHOOL BC PPL KEPT BULLYING HER AND COMPARING HER TO ME.

she made fun of everything i liked, and sometimes i even discovered that she liked the stuff too, she just wanted to seem batter than me in something. which i got at the time, and still get, but it fucking hurt and it made me fearful of ever liking things, in fear of being made fun of

which takes me to another place: school. i was made fun of for basically everything, and i just recently realized i was bullied for my autistic traits: not getting jokes and sarcasm, speaking differently, being too nerdy, too shy, too stupid, too slow, too much. i was always too much and never enough at the same time, never enough for ppm to like me

dont get me wrong i had friends. some amazing ppl that i still hold dear, some not so much. but it was hard knowing most of my class didnt care for me.

i also went through a "not like other girls" phase, where i thought if i liked boybands, tvshows, celebrities, gossip, etc, i was the most vain and uninteresting human being to ever exist, and no one would like me. so i forced myself to walk away. i didnt have a boyband phase or a tv show i binged untill i was 14/15, bc i didnt let myself get invested. i thought only "interesting, non basic" " girls" got to live their romances that i always dreamed of.

i got really hooked on shadowhunters through 2019 and 2020, even attended an online con that i almost didnt tell my mom abaout because i was so ashamed and scardd of being seen as...a kid, that i was(am). i didnt want to be immature enough to invest myself on celebrity gossip and tv shows. i was supposed to study, maybe read some ya books, but mostly classics.

throught he pandemic i got hit with some of my worst depressive episodes, suicidal thoughts, body dysmorphia, disordered eating, anxiety and gender dyphoria. and guilt for feeling all of those while being in a very orivileged situation.

so i turned inwards, like i always did, eps when things got difficult. i read and re-read so many books, binge watched tv shows, barely talked to anyone outside of class. i started letting myself like things, but still felt guilty at every turn, which fueled all of my worst instincts

i still feel guilty for liking "stupid" things. for liking tv shows and thirsting over characters and rereading books and following popular creators. i dont wanna lose the label of "smart" that i always thought was my best quality.

i still try no to show i like things, recently ive been hyperfixated on titans, esp. brenton thwaites and dick grayson bc i am a massive bisexual w a massive crush. and i wanna fo something that i always try to do when i like/obsess with an actor: watch as much of their fulms as i can. even if they are bad. even if they had the budged of 5 dollars plus a camera. i dont care. but i feel so fucking stupid for not caring bc it shouldnt be some pretty face that draws me to a film

it should be the photography(which i absolutely love, btw) or the theme, or the director or whatever it is film buffs use to pick movies. this is where the internalized transphobia and misogyny come in at full force: society doesnt let teenage girls get away with liking anything w/o being made fun of. they are called obsessed, crazy, stalkers, vain, stupid, dumb,etc. and i feel like i am. that is the worst.its as if i agree w all those horrivle things ppl say abt girls and liking things, and it makes me dysphoric. it is so weird how this abstract conceot of being seen as a vain stuoid teen girl can make me feel bad abt my identity.

(btw girls who like stuff. yall are the backbone of yhis site, you are smart, creative, funny, and i lovs you with all my heart)

i also realized i dont know how to a man in fandom.how to be a fanboy and not a fangirl. is it any different? do i have to be more closed off? do i have to speak less? was i actually right to shut up abt my interests this whole time? is that part of the masculine in me? if so, why does it hurt so much, when being masc in every other way feels soo good, so freeing?

this is much longer than it was intended or ever needed to be, and yet it covers like, half of my psychological issues lol.

this is me trying to give myself permussion to watch other works w brenton thwaites lol

if you relate in ny way shaoe or form to this, i am sorry, i love you, and you are allowed to like things.

#trans #trans guy #bisexual #bi #trauma #childhood trauma #ableism #autistic #actualllyautistic #actually autistic #fangirl #fanboy #fandom #hbo titans #brenton thwaites #vent

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elluvseggos · 1 year

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QnA to know about me.

Why do you love Stranger Things?

On my 15th birthday (before the 2020 quarantine), my older brother bought his Netflix and we created our profiles, including me and my younger sister. It's was fun at first, I watched some animes and cartoons, then 2 days later (I remembered), I'm extremely bored during the COVID-19 quarantine, scrolling through Netflix, until I found the one and only, Stranger Things! I love how this show changed my life because of how great it is. Especially Eleven, Mike and Steve (both of my favourite characters). After I watched from season 1 to 3, I started to think about, Finn Wolfhard is kinda cute, and Millie. And when i sleep, every time I had a dream is Mike comforting Eleven, Will is getting lost again and etc. So that's is my story about my ST addiction!

What program do you use for drawing?

Ibis Paint in my old days. I use Procreate. Not just because I'm not like "OoOo I hAvE aN iPaD" kinda person, it's because how "comfortable" the program usage is. Medibang and Autodesk Sketchbook are OK in my opinion, these are the programs i used back in 2016 - 2018. Change is a good thing.

Have you ever got cyberbullied?

Yes. Really. When i was 14 years old, I started my Instagram fan account. I thought it would be a good idea. You know, I was interested. My fan account is dedicated to Jace Norman. Yes! I loved this guy, I constantly thought about him. So I thought maybe I should meet online friends who support Jace. Fan groups, private messages, whatever we can do on Instagram. In 7th and 8th grade after school, people on my Instagram feed are talking about me! They repost my edits. I got 200+ subscribers which is a lot for me. That's all I can say about my positive points, but things are getting worse... Fan groups and Instagram directs are little scary to me, it feels like I'm talking to strangers. Sometimes it's hard to make friends. I woke up, had breakfast, opened Instagram and had fun in Jace's fan groups. I'm going crazy. Then I was accidentally being rude to the fans. People are shocked by my mistake. I thought, what? They said I annoy the fans and Jace. People send each other evidences and chat dialogues about me. Then one person tries to report me for harassment. I told my online friend to beg her to unblock me. Then I apologized on Instagram stories every time I get sad. The next day, most of my fan group friends block me. The other person is trying to intimidate me, like "You're so stupid", "You shouldn't be a Jace Norman fan" and "STFU". I'm crying quietly under my pillow, I think I've done it. So I blocked him (or her), left fangroups, and took a break from social media. But it doesn't work. Every day they talk about me, how terrible I am. I apologized again and again and again like a "precious kitten" begging to accept my apology and unblock me. I'm sick of this torture, that In November 2019, I said goodbye to my Instagram account. Now I'm 17, I learned my mistakes and I won't do this again with you (you guys are the best!), this is like my "im14andthisisdeep" situation.

Moral of this section is to not be a suck-up person, even on the fandom of Nickelodeon shows.

Why you should view my Telegram channel?

Some of my close folks don't use it. If you are interested, my russian Telegram channel presents to my tons of arts, montages, my life updates and even mashups. My Tumblr blog is for art only.

Without social media, what's your free time?

Improving my English and going to the shopping centre, parks and cafés with my best friend and sometimes with my mother. Typical.

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violets · 2 years

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HIII! so i'm your psc gift exchange person? I'm not too sure on the wording. i saw you have given some amazing movies as prompts and i haven't seen all of them. i thought it'd be fun if i watched a few movies you like and sometimes drop in with some thoughts? it's okay if you don't want to, but if you think it's cool, could you share five movies i could watch?

thank youuuu

hi new friend!! of course i'd be more than happy to share film recs!! thank you so much btw for sending this even though i forgot to check tumblr for a bit 😭

my five film recs would be:

inception (2010) - christopher nolan the cat returns (2002) - hiroyuki morita knives out (2019) - rian johnson the half of it (2020) - alice wu begin again (2013) - john carney

these are not a definitive list of course but i tried to include a variety of movies i really liked, diff genres and vibes!! inception is a sci-fi action heist movie, the cat returns is a more light-hearted ghibli film that features a girl turning into a cat (the dream!), knives out is mystery, the half of it is coming of age/romance, and begin again is a musical comedy-drama apparently :P

if you don't mind me throwing in some more recs i'd go with

rise of the guardians (2012) - peter ramsey friend zone (2019) - chayanop boonprakob ocean's 8 (2018) - gary ross

this is so long i'm sorry skadfjkx but i love these films so much, if you ever wanna recommend me some films in return i'd love to as well!! i hope we can get to know each other better and become friends <3

#cat replies #anon #text #psc fairy <3 #hope you don't mind me calling you that! it'll be my tag for you hehe

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mytherapistthinksimfunny · 2 years

Text

Like That One Rolling Stones Song

Two years ago today, I truly fulfilled my single, anxiety-driven, Brooklyn girl fate: I got a cat.

I’ll try to make this short and sweet. In January 2020, after a hard year of up and down employment mixed with depression-watching Frasier, I finally got a really good gig. Around the same time I was dating a guy I was super into. My family had plans to go to Paris in April and work already approved the time off. Life, for one month, looked absolutely great.

Blah blah blah we all know the rest.

To rewind, in December 2019 I was with one of my dearest friends Alena, parked near a field in Rhode Island. I saw a shooting star, seeing it as a sign that things were going to be ok, that 2020 would be a lot better than 2019.

When things turned for the worst I blamed that shooting star on all the shit that went down. I wished for a good job and a boyfriend that made me feel like I belonged, but the song of my early childhood rang true: “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.”

It turns out what I needed was a cat.

June 28, 2020. I had a routine. I would get iced coffee next door at Willoughby General and sit on my stoop. I was feeling a little hard on myself that morning for sleeping through a Buddhist meeting I had agreed to attend. A man I recognized walked by. After only talking to the same 4 people for the past 3 months, I was way more willing to talk to complete strangers now. I said hello and told him I recognized him. His name was Eric, he was from Trinidad originally and lived in the neighborhood fixing up brownstones. We chatted for an hour. In that hour we talked about his life, spirituality, and his cat, Snowball. He showed me pictures of Snowball, to which I casually said “I would love a cat someday.” He looked at me and said “I can get you a cat.” I laughed and didn’t think much of it. As he was leaving to go about his day, he bought me another iced coffee and told me “I’m going to surprise you one day.” Now usually I don’t take what men say at face-value just because you know, men, so I chalked up the whole interaction as a lovely little chat with a neighbor. I went about my day, went for a walk, food shopping, and desperately tried to get that guy I was into to text me back (spoiler alert, he never did).

Monday. June 29, 2020. My doorbell rings. It’s Eric. He says he has the “cat” for me in his car. Now he has a heavy Caribbean accent, and because I am an idiot, I could not understand what he was saying at first. Did he say chair? He opened his car and sitting on the backseat was a little cat. His fur around his ears was patchy, he was dirty, and he looked so scared. Eric put him in a box and handed him to me, saying he was from a friend who had cats. I was speechless. Then he told me to “hold this” and it was a $100 bill. He winked and said “I told you I would surprise you.”

Do you know the show, I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant? where a woman will be on the toilet thinking she has really bad diarrhea but when she looks in the toilet it turns out she gave birth? Yeah, that’s how I felt. I have never had a cat before, had done zero research into cat care, and I was scared because my landlord didn’t allow cats. I thought he was a girl at first because I couldn’t see genitalia that would indicate he was a male and also I do not know what cat genitalia looks like. I think that’s a normal thing to not have knowledge of, personally.

The only thing I did know was what I would name this cat. I was rewatching a lot of It’s Always Sunny and I remember thinking at one point: “If I ever get a cat I’ll name them Charlie.” So boy or girl, this cat’s name was Charlie.

I was a total mess. Charlie barely emerged from under the couch. I was facetiming friends and family asking what the hell I should do. I was scrambling to find a vet. I used the money Eric gave me to get flea medicine and other supplies. The only thing keeping me calm was the fact that Charlie would let me hold him. At the end of that first day, as he was trying to run to my bathroom, I caught him. I held him in my lap and proceeded to pet him. He purred. That’s when he first started to trust me. That’s also when I learned he did not know how to use a litter box because there was cat poop in my shower.

The first night was like a night with a newborn. He wouldn’t stop crying and I didn’t know why. I was scared that my neighbor would rat me out to the landlord. Why I thought my extremely old Polish neighbor who would bring prostitutes in at all hours of the night woud rat me out, I don’t know. Leftover thinking from the suburbs I guess.

The next day at the vet I learned that Charlie was a boy. The vet said: “Mama, he’s a boy. Come feel.” And that’s when the vet made me feel my cat’s testicles. When they first were giving Charlie shots, he wouldn’t stop shrieking. I was in the corner, on the verge of tears. I was scared, I was stressed, I had no idea what was going on. In just 24 hours I was responsible for a living creature when I was just learning how to take care of myself at 26. The vet kept referring to me as “Mama’ which I found oddly comforting. She could see on my face that I was overwhelmed, and reassured me things were fine and to go sit in the lobby.

She had told me earlier that if Charlie tested positive for feline AIDS, she would have to ask me if I wanted to put him down. I have never told anyone this before, but at that moment I thought: “Well if they put him down then I am free of this cat and I don’t have to worry anymore.” I was so stressed out that my mind wanted to go to the easiest route, which was to give up. Thank God the worst thing Charlie had was a fever.

July went on, and within days Charlie followed me everywhere. He was sleeping on my chest by the end of the first week. I was in love. We would sit in my bed and watch King of the Hill for hours in those hot summer days, where it was perfectly acceptable to stay inside and do nothing.

During this time, my roommate decided not to renew the lease, and I had someone else lined up to room with me who also had a cat. When Charlie came into the picture, she backed out because she didn’t think her cat would get along with another cat. So once again, right as I was over the initial shock of being a cat owner, things went back to what they always are: stressful. I was panicking about finding a new roommate.

My panic led me to Willoughby General, the little store attached to my building. I asked the cashier working if she knew of anyone looking for a room. She said she didn’t, but her coworker, Elisa, was looking for someone to fill a space in her apartment. Now, after getting to know the area better and participating more in the community, I didn’t want to leave my street in Bed-Stuy. This girl’s apartment was on the same block, was 2 floors, and had a backyard. It was perfect. It was more rent, but at the time I thought I still had my job when production was greenlit again. I was ready to move right then and there.

Elisa and I hit it off. She was warm and would invite me to everything. She introduced me to people that came into the store or who passed us on the street. I thought she was the mayor of the neighborhood, the way she knew everyone. One night she invited me to a movie night in the park a few of our neighbors had put together. There I met two boys who had a couple of tall boys. Elisa knew one of them and introduced us. His name was Quinn. He was a musician. His friend Jake was also a musician. After the movie we got to chatting, and they mentioned they had to go to the bathroom, but the park bathroom was closed for the night. I offered my apartment, since it was only a couple of blocks away and I was living by myself at the time while my roommate was quarantining in California. Suddenly it was 3 am and I had two boys on my couch, one falling asleep and one enthusiastically showing me music videos on TV. To this day, we still continue to do that.

Movie night became the highlight of my week. I would meet so many new people and end up in the park for hours drinking and chatting. The first week I moved into the apartment (just a few days after I had learned that I was let go from my job), movie night was rained out, and that’s when I met a girl named Sarah. I invited Quinn and Jake over and we all got to talking well into the night. A week after that, our third roommate moved in, a girl Elisa found on the Roomi app. Her name was Sophia. She made a Shrek joke the first night we met and I was in love.

So throughout the rest of 2020, despite the fear and the letdowns, I ended up being…happy. I had it in my head that happiness comes from being accomplished, having a good job in the field you want, because otherwise, what was the point of living in Brooklyn? I could have just moved back home, saved money, and found a nice remote job. Instead I decided I’d rather be poor and babysitting so I could live in one of the greatest cities in the world. I didn’t need to be something I wasn’t. For the first time since living in Brooklyn, I felt like I belonged. I was drinking on my stoop with my roommates and friends, waving at neighbors passing by. Two years later, I continue to do that, with even more friends.

Charlie is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. I constantly put my worth into where I am at in my career or who I am dating (which I know is unhealthy and thus why I’m in therapy). However, this cat reminded me that there is so much more to life. He kept me busy, he showed me love. He teaches me patience. There is still so much more life to live. I cannot put into words how much I love him. He sleeps in my bed almost every night. Usually, right before I’m about to go to sleep, he jumps up on my chest and rubs his face onto mine. When he does this, my heart just wants to burst. Here is this little creature, who honestly is not the brightest, showing that he loves me.

All of this, the happiness, the friends, the new apartment, all of this happened because of a dirty cat in a box who I decided to call Charlie.

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absolutebl · 2 years

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2021 BL Wrap Up - Top Trends

I keep a pretty detailed spreadsheet of everything I watch in BL each year but I don’t watch/track a whole lot of Pinoy stuff, please be aware it is not represented in this analysis.

TOP 10 BL TRENDS OF 2021

1. BL Gets Meta

We had a number of BLs this year self referencing, being cheeky about tropes, and using parody to get meta over yaoi roots, something that has actually never happened before in the genre. Gen Y, Absolute BL, Lovely Writer, Call It What You Want 1 & 2, Love with Benefits, and Fish Upon the Sky (started, then retracted, it was... odd) all did this. Several of them employed voice over and/or 4th wall breaking to execute.

I personally loved this, but it felt very teenage industry discovering itself and testing its limits. Also it’s pretty impossible to recommend these shows to outsiders, since they edge into incomprehensible if you don’t already know the genre, so this is also an odd kind of fan service.

2. BL Goes Soft

Pretty much everyone tried on softness in 2021 (mutual gentleness and care) even Japan (a real shocker, Kieta Hatsukoi). Perhaps it was reactionary, a hunt for comfort in troubled times, but it was so crazy that even Taiwan went there. Generally Taiwan prefers to push boundaries and rough it up a bit but they casually trotted out Be Love In House: I Do’s epic level of tenderness, See You After Quarantine?’s gentleness, and Love is Science?’s ultra modern queer domesticity as if they were no big deal. These were the soup dumplings of BL - soft, a little chewy, and full of comforting cozy warmth.

Thailand has always leaned soft (since Love Sick piloted in 2014) casual physical contact and affection, gentle touches, care, lingering glances, and cuddling have been part of their BL style, but they leaned into super squishy in 2021 with shows like Nitman, Y-Destiny, Golden Blood, Lovely Writer, Second Chance, and Close Friend.

Even China got a little soft with Word of Honor which no one expected and we are all surprised was allowed to happen. I mean there was a high low hug AND a shoulder lean and everything.

I really hope this trend continues and while I doubt Japan will ever go fully soft (their right back to emo with Utsukushii Kare), I have high hopes we might see softness leak more into Taiwanese and Korean BL.

3. BL Gets Domestic

Thai BL has dabbled in family home life before, and when we are lucky we get reps of sweet domesticity (especially if the seme is a caring Dom - Solo, Dean, Leo, Sun, etc...). But it felt like we got way more than normal this year and of a more intense style with different countries putting unique stamps on it. This might be a side effect of C19 and it’s certainly something that suits confined spaces and a home setting (making it easier and cheaper to film).

I think the earliest rep we have for this kind of thing is Ai no Kotodama from Japan (2008). And there was a trickle of stuff from Japan and China for about a decade that dabbled in domesticity but none used it to drive narrative (Japan’s Does the Flower Bloom? from 2018 is sort of the culmination of this nascent form). Thailand first did it with 2016′s Grey Rainbow (this is the Thai BL THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED - sry do not watch it).

But now we’re getting true windows into gay domesticity and family life, adopted kids and all. And our little gay family sometimes even gets to stay together. Some examples included:

Ingredients (Thailand)

Papa & Daddy (Taiwan)

Nation’s Brother (Vietnam)

Me Chon Dau Cao - Monster In Law (Vietnam)

Love is Science? (Taiwan - BL side plot in a het drama)

But others also have is as a core conceit, especially those set primarily in the home like Be Loved In House, To My Star, Still 2gether, See You After Quarantine? or even Golden Blood. It’s a trend I really hope continues and grows, so comforting.

4. BL Plays With Its Food

Basically prior to 2021 we had 3 BLs with food settings: 2019′s I Am Your King 2 from Thailand and 2020′s Pinoy offering My Day and Taiwan’s Craving You. (And a few Korean microfilms.)

In 2021 we got a lot more. Even if it didn’t all entirely take place in a cafe or restaurant that setting played a significant role.

To My Star (Korea)

Peach of Time (Korea/Thailand)

Evening Cafe (Thailand)

Love Area (Thailand)

You Are Ma Boy (Vietnam)

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnam)

Bite Me (Thailand)

The Tasty Florida (Korea)

My Sweet Dear (Korea)

Apparently chefs are the new engineers. There were also professional chef/barista/waiter characters in series that were not set in the industry like Ingredients, Brothers, and My Mate Match. And more to come in 2022.

5. Ukes with Agency!

Kiyoi in My Beautiful Man, TeaKyung in Light on Me, Bank in Golden Blood, Nampu in Top Secret Together, Jin in Nitiman, Nut in My Boy, Kaitoon in Love Area, Pob in Don’t Say No, and Kaow in Brothers all represented for ukes in strongly uke/seme driven stories who still had a ton of agency. This was usually expressed as a desire to emotionally communicate with their semes, verbally or physically. Also, they all showed a certain amount of self awareness, self acceptance, and self understanding around being gay as a result. Occasionally tho, they just punched their idiot seme. And that was fun too.

Also shout out to Note & Ta (no uke/seme dynamic) in The Yearbook who got very little screen time but might be the best gay communicators we’ve ever seen in a BL.

You go boys!

6. BL X3 - The Dreaded Love Triangle /_\

BL has always had faen fatals but love triangles, not so much. (Japan’s 2008 Taiikukan Baby is the only one I have on record). A true love triangle just means the story, screen time, and the visual tropes treat both possible love interests as entirely viable and possible.

Gen Y the series - side dishes Thaunu’s seme with 2 ukes love triangle, pretty unique actually

Top Secret Together - part of the friends to lovers side plot

Light on Me - the cherry on the love triangle Sunday

Love Area - the second lead syndrome was fierce with this one

The Tasty Florida - edged into it but mostly was using the faen fatal

My Mate Match - cohabitation quarantine project

Kieta Hatsukoi AKA Vanishing My First Love - started out with each person liking the wrong other person, circular love triangle M2F2M2M, but sorted it fast

I’m A Fool For - Hong Kong’s little offering (sad)

Love With Benefits - cohabitation quarantine project

I don’t like love triangles but even I thought Light On Me was excellent. Still I’m not wild about this particular trend (and I wonder if it’s a Kdrama side effect), but it sure was fun to watch all the different countries tackle it and Japan’s take (Kieta Hatsukoi) was really unique and clever.

7. Do I Spot Actual Queer Rep?

Honest queer rep has started to show up more (FINALLY). Everything from out gay main characters (please may this be the death of gay-for-you) to the rise of the gay advice dad (HIStory 4, Be Love In House, Top Secret Together, Love is Science?) to mention of (and implied use of) actual lube.

It used to be so rare to see any BL characters in leading roles who identified as gay (outside of Taiwan). Now it’s almost - dare I say it? - commonplace. Or if not common in the leads, at least some of the support cast will code/identify as gay.

Thailand put an out gay IRL actor couple together on screen and stopped caring about pushing a gay-for-you agenda. They seem to be at the hand-wavy stage of “you can believe he’s bi, GFY, or gay, we don’t care to define it anymore.” They even directly addressed it as problematic in Bad Buddy. They also had more out gay mains than ever before (explicit or not), a pansexual in Don’t Say No, and TharnType got on screen married. Thai BL still punches down on femme and trans characters, but a little flame is leaking in whether they like it or not (side eyes My Boy), and that aspect is fabulous. OF COURSE IT IS.

Taiwan gave us tons of actually queer stuff, Papa & Daddy, See You After Quarantine, Light, Love Is Science. As well as depicting a marriage of equality actually on the screen in a BL (to be fair they did that first with Craving You in 2020). They also depicted discussions about verse, topping/bottoming, safe sex, consent, and surrounding queer fam. Even Pride showed up. Taiwan leans into masculine presenting, weak seme/uke couples, which means their femme and gender fluid rep is poor but I still gotta give them credit for the equality agenda they are pushing on a very willing audience. Give us MOAR, we can take it!

Vietnam got in on the action and gave us a cross dressing gay main character with out gay besties working in a cafe and running an accidental long con on their boss, who consequently has the shortest bisexual identity crisis ever. Watch My Lascivious Boss, it’s groundbreaking BL - we haven’t had anything like it since I am Your King (Thailand 2017) or Udagawachou de Matteteyo (2015) and neither of those were this happy. Also Vietnam repped butch GLs in high school! (Stupid Boys Stupid Love). Which I think is an actual first. We’ve had lesbians before but butch? SO GOOD.

Even Korea gave us an out bisexual in Tasty Florida AND crossdressed for BL. I stil can’t get over Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding. I mean it wasn’t even played for laughs, it was genuine and treated gracefully... by Korea. Can you BELIEVE we got that? And more is coming in 2022.

I know these seem like baby steps in the west but trust me these are big-ass murder-walk stiletto strides being taken.

(Also tiny shout out to Korea’s The King’s Affection, the first time I’ve seen one of the ubiquitous “girl disguises herself as a boy” historicals actually deal openly and honestly with a bisexual identity crisis and acceptance. And now... how many of us now want Rowoon to do BL? Pretty much all of us.)

PRODUCTION TRENDS

8. BL Takes to the Skies

Wellp, BL discovered drone tech this year. We saw a number of BLs employ drone work rather ruthlessly. China in WoH, of course, but also Taiwan and Thailand used drones in some of their stuff. Close Friend was the most startlingly egregious, but you know, boys with toys.

What can you do?

9. BL Gets Up in Your Face

On the flip side, I think the wild success of ITSAY last year impacted taste in close filming style that we haven’t seen much of in Thailand before now. Nitiman, Hometown Embrace, Second Chance, Golden Blood, and Y-Destiny all zoomed in crazy close on faces. More than I’ve ever seen the Thai pulps do before. Let’s be frank, I wouldn’t trust the Thai makeup crew either. But it was Yearbook that really forced me to notice this trend.

Full frame faces is a popular indie filming stye for encouraging claustrophobic-intimacy and emotional tension in drama, and I don’t mind it in limited doses (Japan & Taiwan) but I’m not wild about a lot in one drama or extensively in one scene.

Like drone work, it can be easily overdone and makes me stop thinking about the story and start thinking about the directing. And I am one of those who believes that in BL, I shouldn’t be getting distracted by technique.

Speaking of technique...

10. BL Forgets its Roots

Finally (and sadly for me) there wasn’t much use of yaoi style (live action manga) framing and staging techniques. Possibly because there were so few manga adaptations. Color Rush hit it out of the park, Light One Me put its own blue/white twist on the clarity of this style, and, of course, Given was on point. But that was about it.

There were tiny nods from H4 and the end of year stuff from Japan, but apart from that, it seems like this is a stye of staging and framing has had its heyday.

It also demonstrates that no one storyboards anymore.

*insert whimpering here*

POSSIBLE 2022 TRENDS?

I expect most of the above to be amped up and continue in 2022. In fact, as I type this queer rep already got a major boost in Episode 9 of Bad Buddy (which is from heavy hitter GMMTV, notoriously slow to evolve), by directly addressing and correcting for

gay for you

wifey language

inadequate GL rep

If felt a lot like GMMTV was trying to correct for SOTUS’s mistakes. How far they have come in 5 short years. Honestly, I have to say a lot of this is probubly due to global reach and international popularity and the active interactions of the fandom.

Tears & Blood

I think we are going to see a spike in dark BL from Taiwan, Japan, and Thailand maybe even Vietnam - gritty pretend realism with sad & amorphous endings, heavy illness content (AKA the cancer mom stories), violence, and even kink. It’s going to take the guise of mafia and if we are lucky boys-in-uniform, (possibly sports), but also youthful more serious trials with family and illness. Think Your Name Engraved Herein style content with lower production values.

Taiwan and Japan have always dabbled in this kind of BL (see 2021′s Light & Pornographer series) but they are going to start to really push (subconsciously) to distinguish themselves from Korea with grittiness. Both might even lean more into heavily queer affirming stuff as Japan finally tilts towards marriage equality (which goes hand in hand with realism - code for darker content).

Thailand, on the other hand, is producing so much content, each new BL with gumption is going to look for ways to distinguish itself from all the other Thai BLs, so I think we might see the pulps lean darker, or at least wistfully sad. As disappointing as I found The Yearbook, Seven Project, and The Best Story I think they might herald a trend.*

* I wrote this before GMMTV announced its 2022 line up and now I feel terribly chuffed with myself.

I have a data analysis post where I go into growth numbers and statistical trends here.

BL 2021 STATS & TRENDS BY COUNTRY

(source)

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castiel-kline · 3 years

Text

once upon a birthday

Birthdays haven’t always been Jack’s friend, but he’s starting to realize that every May 18th he reaches is a miracle rather than a tragedy.

May 18, 2017.

Jack saw that combination of letters and numbers everywhere on his first day of life. He saw it on the corner of the newspaper on Sheriff Barker’s desk, watched her scribble it on a page of notes she was writing up about him, saw it light up on Clark’s phone when he opened it to show Jack something “cool.”

It would be a while before he realized that date’s significance.

May 18, 2018

Jack was seated around a campfire with the other kids of the rebel camp, staving off their fear of the incoming dark by telling them a story. It was just the plot of Clone Wars, but since it didn’t exist in this universe no one called him out on it.

Bobby’s voice carried over the sounds of the camp settling down for the night, low but still decipherable.

“...our supply’ll run out by the 25th. We have to keep moving, get some more.”

Jack never did learn what they were about to run out of, because Mary’s response snared his attention even tighter.

“Remind me what day it is now? I lost track while I was… you know.”

“Right, I get it. It’s May 20th.”

And Jack stopped short in his tale, the realization that he’d been alive more than a year hitting him like a blast from one of Michael’s soldiers. The little girl next to him nudged his elbow and asked if he was okay.

“I’m fine,” he said, smiling gently. “It’s just that my birthday was two days ago. I only realized now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. We could sing to you now?” All the children nodded their agreement, but Jack shook his head.

“Thanks, but it’s okay. Besides, I need to finish telling you about Ashoka’s rescue mission, right?” They leaned in closer around the fire, and Jack went back to his narrator voice. “Now, she knew it would be a dangerous journey, but…”

That night when Jack was trying to sleep (Mary made him promise to attempt four hours, even though he didn’t really need it) he wondered if birthday celebrations lived up to their reputation. He wondered if his was ever going to be worth celebrating, given all the pain and death that day had brought.

With the new knowledge that he was a year old, Jack dreamed of his mother- wafting through hazy gold memories of a furniture warehouse, Castiel beside her, in the days before Jack was capable of hurting anyone because he couldn’t control his powers. In the days when he still felt safe.

May 18, 2019

“How’s it goin’, kiddo? Enjoying the quiet?”

Jack whirled around to face the Empty head on, unwilling to show just how much its appearance had startled him. It didn’t bother him much, per Billie’s instructions, but sometimes it liked to taunt him. Usually it appeared as his mother, sometimes Cas, but today it looked just like him.

“What do you want?” Jack asked, lifting his chin. His doppleganger mirrored the action, before smirking and sauntering closer.

“Oh, calm down. I don’t bite, I’m just delivering a message.”

“A message from who?”

Billie would just deliver a message in person, and no one else could contact him in here. Maybe Cas could-

“Hmm, I don’t know,” it interrupted Jack’s thoughts. “Time? The Universe? Anyway. Happy birthday, sport. Enjoy the official start of your terrible twos.”

With that the Shadow vanished, leaving Jack alone in the dark once again. He sat down and curled his knees to his chest, wishing there was a corner or a wall he could press his back against. He felt exposed and vulnerable in the vastness of the Empty’s nothing, and it was making him uneasy.

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine what his family was up to down on earth. Would they be sad? Too busy fighting Chuck to notice? Were they even alive?

He wished with all his might that they weren’t alone. Alone wasn’t what you should be on somebody’s birthday.

May 18, 2020

As endings went, Jack’s was shaping up to be okay. He’d finally had a good birthday- even if it was both impromptu and a few days early. He laid in bed, belly full of his first ever birthday cake, for once not thinking about his upcoming demise.

A soft knock on the door sounded, and Jack sat up in surprise. A glance at his phone confirmed that it was nearing four in the morning, which only thickened his confusion.

“Come in?”

When Cas pushed open the door, Jack smiled.

“You’re back!” he exclaimed, pushing off the blanket and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

Cas pushed the door to a close behind him and shuffled further into the room. “Sorry, I know it’s late, but I had a feeling you’d still be awake.”

“Is everything okay? Nothing went wrong with talking to the angels, did it?”

“Don’t worry, everything’s fine,” Cas assured him. “The angels are going to keep an eye out for Amara, but that’s not why I wanted to talk to you.”

Jack frowned. Then why…?

“Happy birthday,” Cas said, pulling a gift bag out from behind his back. “I know it’s early, but I heard you celebrated while I was gone. So I picked something up on the way home.”

“Thank you,” Jack breathed, taking the gift and settling it on his lap. His first birthday gift.

Cas took a seat next to him, giving Jack’s arm a gentle nudge.

“You can open it now, if you’d like.”

Jack didn’t need to be told twice. He tore into the tissue paper, eagerly unveiling the surprise it hid from view. At the bottom of the bag was a teddy bear, clad in overalls that smushed down its soft brown fur.

“Your mother always wanted to buy one for you,” explained Castiel. “We placed the order, but it didn’t arrive before…”

“Before.” Jack sighed, throat suddenly tight with emotion.

“If you don’t like it I can take it back-”

“No, Cas, it’s great. I love it. Does it have a name?”

The question didn’t faze Cas in the slightest.

“Well, the official name according to the store is Marvelous Marvin. But I believe it’s customary to name a stuffed animal anything you’d like.”

Hmm. Jack studied the bear’s face for a moment, tilting his head. “Marvin’s good,” he declared. “I like it.”

“I’m glad.” Cas smiled, then stood up. “You should get some rest.”

“Wait!” He hadn’t meant to say anything, but as soon as the word was out he realized he really, really, didn’t want this day to end. “I saved a piece of cake for you. And I’m not tired, so…”

It only took about ten seconds before Cas gave in with a fond shake of his head.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

Jack followed him to the kitchen, Marvin under one arm.

His third birthday, and his first good birthday.

What would almost certainly be his last birthday.

May 18, 2021

There were many things in life Jack had learned to think of as little miracles. Some seemed utterly insignificant, like the flowers that managed to grow between cracks in the sidewalk. Saying hello to his mother should have been just as beautiful and commonplace, but to Jack every chance was more wondrous than the sun shining through a storm.

He whispered it now, breathing another miracle into being in two precious little words.

“Hi, mom.”

Kelly looked up from what she’d been reading, face lighting up in joyous surprise. She came forward and swept him up in her arms, and Jack allowed himself a moment to be grateful. In spite of everything, the universe allowed him to have this.

“I didn’t think you’d be back yet,” she said as she pulled away, her hands clasping his. “I mean, you said you had to fix all the parallel universes, and Cas said there’s hundreds of them…”

“I’m not done yet,” he said. “Amara’s still out there, and I’ll have to go back soon, but... I really wanted to spend some time with you today.”

Kelly frowned, concern taking over her features. “Is everything okay? Do you need help, or-?”

“I’m fine,” Jack assured. “It’s -on earth, anyway- it’s May 18th. 2021.”

Realization struck. “It’s your birthday.”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d even want to celebrate, because my being born wasn’t a good day for you, and-”

“Jack, baby.” Kelly put a hand on his cheek, swiping away the tear he hadn’t known was falling. “My death was not your fault. Okay? Of course I want to celebrate your birthday with you.”

“Really?”

“Really. We can call Cas down here, watch some movies, make a cake-”

Kelly was already moving to the kitchen, all ready to start baking.

“Mom, wait. I… I had a birthday cake once,” he told her. “And that was… special. Could we think of something else to do? Just you and me and Cas?”

“Of course, honey. It’s your day. Cookies?”

Jack nodded, and he smiled. Because in that moment it was crystal clear that each year spent growing older, especially those spent with the people that he loved most, were little miracles too.

And he had plenty more birthdays to look forward to.

#happy birthday jack!!!!#listen this fic did NOT want to get written but I hope what I managed to pull together is okay!#jack kline #nougatparty #spn fanfic #my fic #kelly kline #castiel #dadstiel and nougat son

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mintminyoon93 · 3 years

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Our Close friend named Insecurity

Henloooo minty back! Today I’m gonna sharing a little bit about my experiences face and deal with my insecurity. Now I try not to always deal with it, also found myself getting well to accept it, but sometimes it still hard to find the clear path or the exit door for my insane mind. So here we go…

The first stage in my life i felt that kind of insecurity when I was in junior high school. Until now I can clearly remember that day when the best friend of mine suddenly told me that A (pseudonym name of the other girl) told everyone “how can boy having interest on minty and ask for a date, she is literally tan and ugly enough for have bf”, fyi back then I had tan skin because the distances from my house to my school was about 20km ish, and I got exposed really hard by sun and I wasn’t familiar with sunscreen, so you guys know how tan I was :’). I can told you, at that moment I felt my world like thorn apart, I grasply looked my skin and talked to myself what she told was true, I lost my confidents, and I just want that day to end quickly.

Fortunately after I got that offensive words by that girl, I started to take care of myself by scrubbed my body, tried soooo muchhhh face masks, facial (started when I was 13, and now I know that harmed my skin :’ ). I kinda felt crazy about did that activities everyday back then. But the hardwork never deny the results, and my skin slowly changed brighter than before, and I liked the results. My friends also told me that my skin brighter and I prettier than before. I was so proud of myself ihiii.

After that moment I spend my life so peacefully, I entered highschool and made so much friends, I also dated a couple time and never got bad words towards my body again. And suddenly on 3rd grade I dated someone that until now I found out he is the most person who bring the insecurity on me. at the beginning his closefriends tend to compared between me and my ex exgf, they said the same words that my junior hs friend told. They said I wasn’t as pretty as the previous girl, I wasn’t that sexy or had a good body. And guess what, my exbf didn’t give a f*** to his friends, he wanted me just forget it. OF COURSE I CAN’T. There were a lot of red flags my ex did, such as commit on cheated to many girls, gaslighted, and compared me with his girl friend (muchly his campus girl friend). My self confidents really hit the lowest part in my life. I realized now I dumbed my self. How can I lend and trust that kind of trash guy. Hell yeahhh young and dumb.

I dated almost 4 years with my ex and at that time I had bad university life too. I felt so behind on my academic, also can’t made a friends too because I spend my time mostly with him. My worst era in my life . I hate myself because not good enough, not preety like others in instagram/ in real life, stupid, I also had family problem too. Oh my life was complete

I got myself back in 2019, when I brokeup with him. I met another boy who brought me joy and happiness (but now we broke up too ahaha). In september 2020 I guess, I met BTS and diving in on their contents and felt really fallin love with them. They bring me a lot of happiness, and make me love myself more day by day. I never find persons/ figure that give these so much positive impact on me. I start to deal with my flaws, I start to learn a lot of things such as studying Korean, getting back to writing again, start to make an account where I can spreading positivity too. I feel reborn as a new person, a positive one.

But after all, My insecurity mostly appear when I burn out, or get my pms day. I still battle with it. But I realize now I have place feels like home (BANGTANNN), whenever I feel that kind of emotion I hurry up grab and watch all their contents and musics which is soooo gooodd and motivated.

Here is the summary, it’s okay to have the insecurity. Everyone feel it too. Just accept it, feel the sensations, it’s okay to cry and take a break from activities, if you have family or friends who can bring joy just catching up on them, got a chit chat. Life like a roller coster, very fluctuative, sometimes your life in the lowest point, but it can increase to the highest too. Just live in the moment.

Your Beloved Girl

Minty Yoon

#insecurity #longstory #bts

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xz1005fanblog · 3 years

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2021-02-27 Some things I want to say

WARNING LONG POST

Context first, translation of his post above will follow:

Disclaimer: I have no interest in other artists other than Xiao Zhan, and I am merely explaining the situation of the fandom in China that led us to the fiasco in March 2020. I do not care for bjyx, I ship WangXian but I do not ship real people as a basic principle.

My opinion as an international fan of Xiao Zhan and as an AO3 user (yes, I am not Chinese nor do I live in China, I just happen to be able to read Chinese) is that C-entertainment industry is TOXIC and celebrities are not free targets for you to cyberbully. They are human just like you and me.

Everyone needs to learn a bit more about compassion.

I am sure all of you read about the cyberbullying Xiao Zhan went through last year. There were multiple factors that started all of this, most of which XZ doesn’t talk about in this letter because of how sensitive the topic is in China. I’ve never explained entirely what happened because I personally thought that this is not something overseas fans should worry too much about. Especially since most of you don’t have a wb or db account, there’s nothing you can do about it anyway. But since Xiao Zhan himself decided to post a letter to respond to this subject, I’ll put in my 2 cents just that so everyone is on the same page.

Basically, after The Untamed aired in China, the show fandom split into 3 groups. XZ fans, WYB fans, and CP fans (or bjyx, whatever you wish to call it, those who love shipping these two real people together - not just the characters in the drama). Of course there are still people who would watch the show without becoming a fan of the actors.

At the beginning, most people thought they were good friends with each other, with all the short BTS clips from The Untamed. However, fans slowly discovered that it wasn’t the case. Some unofficial BTS clips emerged where WYB said XZ was shooting multiple dramas at the same time = 轧戏 (which is very frowned upon and a disrespectful thing to say to an actor), whereas in reality, XZ only asked for a couple of days days off during the shooting for The Untamed because his scenes in Joy of Life had to be redone and he was bound by contract. On the contrary, WYB had to ask for most weekends off because he was participating in Produce 101 at the time. Other clips shows them fighting about somethings WYB said about WWX, which made XZ mad. So this broke a lot of CP fans’ image of their relationship, and they either stopped shipping/became XZ or WYB fans only. This angered WYB’s fans, of course, which made them blame XZ for the entire fiasco.

Other incidents continued to happen after the show which increased the friction between these 3 fan groups. XZ fans and WYB fans would fight about various voting charts, and fight with CP fans because they don’t like seeing the two actors together. In the meantime, CP fans continuously feminize and weaken XZ in order to ship the 2 actors together (it’s rather an unhealthy trend in China, I’ve been in multiple other western fandoms before - not real person shipping - but we rarely glorify weakening/feminizing the bottom of a ship, because of the underlying prejudice against real homosexuals, who are not synonymous to transgenders).

Some incidents added oil to the fire afterwards. It’ll take me too long to explain everything, so I’ll just put here the main ones to explain why there’s so much bad blood between these 3 groups of fans.

On XZ’s birthday, some CP fans found XZ’s parents’ apartment building and yelled BJYX is real. This angered a lot of XZ fans, because of how disrespectful it was towards the old couple and the clear breach of privacy. WYB fans and some CP fans were also angry that XZ didn’t reply immediately to the birthday wish on wb that WYB sent at midnight (??? XZ was busy shooting a drama, can you blame him for not being on wb at midnight? Give the guy a break.)

In November 2019, WYB filed a lawsuit against some of XZ’s fans (instead against of his own haters!) for dissing him (although I’ve never seen any proof, and a few of those fans remain active on wb now, one of whom has even defended WYB's portrayal of LWJ before...). This angered a lot of XZ fans and CP fans who didn’t understand how he could have done this to his “friend”, and further proved that their relationship wasn’t that fantastic to begin with. WYB fans felt justified in hating XZ and all XZ fans as a result, and openly bullied XZ fans on the grounds of the Nanking CQL Concert.

In January, The Untamed was named to Beijing Journal Drama award. CP fans and WYB fans were unhappy that XZ was named to the Best Male Lead category and WYB was named to the Best Male 2nd Lead. They attacked the award committee wb by spam commenting all their wb posts and the entire drama was pulled from the nomination afterward. XZ fans were especially angry that they started all this only for the nomination to be pulled out - because the only possibility was one Male Lead per drama, and anyone would agree that if chosen between WWX and LWJ, the character with the most scenes and importance in the story is WWX.

Yadda yadda yadda, fast forward to February 2020, it started with a fanfiction written by a CP fan that depicted XZ as a prostitute transgender woman and WYB as a highschool kid (UNDERAGE) = AKA very sensitive material in China. It was posted on AO3, but the author posted the link of said fic on wb and a lot of CP fans broadcasted it around, so much that XZ fans became aware of it. Due to how sensitive the material is and how badly it would taint XZ’s image for his future roles, some XZ fans started reporting the wb post that contained the link (NOT AO3) and the author’s wb page. This is common practice in fandom on wb, usually done to get the wb posts taken down. This caused panic in the CP fans crowd because they thought XZ fans were reporting AO3 and that they were gonna lose the website (which is impossible, because AO3′s servers are in Sweden and not subject to Chinese laws anyway).

Because of how sensitive AO3 was in China and how haters tried to pull in antigovernmental into their crowds, the subject quickly became too dangerous for XZ fans to get involved in. Official fan groups in China unanimously decided to ask all fans to stop participating in the online debate and stay within the fan group circle only.

Someone on AO3 made a commentary about this incident that you can find here. She dug up a lot of info on the companies feeding money to the trolls online, but as I am an overseas fan and cannot really verify her info, I will not comment on those statements.

Sometime in the middle of this fiasco, someone started spreading the notion that XZ fans hated fanfiction and were trying to report anything that goes against their image of their idol... And subsequently people who were not CP fans or XZ fans became aware of this problem when they couldn’t access AO3 suddenly because too much curious fans where trying to access it and they crashed the servers. However later on, people could access the website without any problems. I am not personally in China right now so I can’t verify these claims of the website being walled or not for real, but I know from various reliable sources that on March 1st it was only an overload of the server, and people could still access afterwards.

With this however, haters (which include previous CP fans, WYB fans, and other idol’s fans) attacked XZ for not telling his fans to stop reporting, for not saying anything. They attacked XZ’s endorsements and spammed hate speech on the products he was promoting. They would rate 1 star in all his dramas and songs on db, and then buy accounts to further rate 1 stars (yes that thing exists in China, everything can be bought in China, don’t ask me why.) The reason why I believe that all this wasn’t coincidental, is that barely the day after the fiasco started, someone posted on db the exact list of all his sponsorships, detailing exactly who to call to protest, what words to spam in the comment sections of various official brands’ wb accounts. This entire thing was too well planned to be just a normal fandom fight.

Whether it was other actors’ fans who organized this to cut down competition, we will probably never know for sure. The following year was laden with fake rumors, hate speech blasting from multiple directions. They attacked his personality, saying that his polite manners are just for show (when the reality is that he has always been a gentleman even when he wasn’t popular). They attacked XZ for faking donations to Wuhan, forcing him to show his donation certificate to prove himself. One of his friends couldn’t stand the cyberbullying anymore and revealed publicly that his grandfather recently passed away (the date on this drawing is 2020.03.03, he couldn’t post this last year).

His friend defending him from the cyberbullies, saying that he had plenty of reasons to stay silent. That his grandfather passed away recently and his family has been planning his funeral.

(Sources also said that his mother was hospitalized a few days afterwards. And that haters went to his mother’s hospital to harass her and her nurses)

Haters saying that XZ is using his grandfather’s death to excuse himself (??? is he not allowed to grieve like a normal person???)

Haters wishing that XZ becomes depressed from the cyberbullying and kills himself, wishing that he was dead, wishing that his fans were dead too. Photoshopping his picture into a funeral portrait to curse him

Haters admitting they are cyberbullying XZ, but rejoicing in the fact that they are so many so XZ can’t sue all of them. They have also reported his upcoming dramas for various reasons just so they cannot be aired.

The airplane incident I’ve already talked about here.

A picture antis made to diss on XZ fans: AO3 can be still accessed even if it’s walled, Lofter can be still access even if it’s taken down from the app store. Your gege’s picture are still accessible even if he died.

I’ve only posted here the tamest screenshots, there are far worst ones that I won’t be posting because the amount of vitriol give me nausea just looking at them.

In all this fiasco, antis gave him the tag of “idol who didn’t manage his fans well”. But Xiao Zhan never thought fans needed to be trained, he thought of them like normal people, and their love, something to be treasured and not used. But some people in China still blamed his fans for starting all this mess, and partly him and his studio for not being able to stop it.

Below is the translation for XZ’s letter, posted on the wb post above

Some Things I Want To Say

Today, I have something to say to everyone. I’ve thought of a lot of ways to do this, but in the end, I chose the simplest way to tell everyone about all my feelings and thoughts in the past year. These opinions, maybe they won’t be able to represent anything, nor won’t they be able to change anything, but I still wish to say this today.

On this day last year, the incident happened very quickly, as if a bomb exploded on my face - endless phone calls, never ending message notifications, everyone’s opinions and questions came in like a tsunami. I wanted to say something back then, but I didn’t know what exactly. I was apprehensive of making a statement, afraid that one wrong word, or one wrong sentence would be taken the wrong way and end up adding oil to the fire. This is why at that time, I chose not to say anything.

I never thought that the online fighting would grow bigger and bigger like an avalanche, getting larger crowds involved, and gradually leaving one person’s control. Even though afterwards I made repeated statements to make amends, it could not develop as I wished it to anymore.

This life filled with broken protests and tumultuous noise continued to this day. And I felt I was going through a very dark and never ending tunnel. Unrest, ruminations, turmoil... I have also asked myself what did I do wrong exactly, why did everything after that day became as if it were an uncontrollable vessel.

I spent a lot of time to digest, and then spent a lot of time to understand, understand everyone’s words and actions. Slowly, I started to understand what everyone was criticizing about me personally. The moment that I chose not to say anything, I lost that window of opportunity to reason with everyone. So I was wrong, from the very beginning.

At that time, I wasn’t yet able to clearly understand the entire incident, to understand everyone’s feelings, nor did I know what kind of responsibility I had to carry as a public figure. Thus, I missed that opportunity to communicate with everyone, and wasn’t able to withstand the responsibility of letting these antagonizing feelings grow. Now, I can clearly recognize that throughout this year, this criticism that everyone had against me of “Idol Who Lost Its Voice”, was correct. During this year I reflected upon this repeatedly, as a public figure, I have to not only improve myself within the boundaries of my profession, but also have to carry the social responsibility that comes with my influence. To influence those who like me, who follow me, towards the right worldviews within my capacity. Even though my studio and I have already expressed some opinions through wb and interviews, but scars that this incident that brought such antagonistic emotions between different circles are still difficult to heal.

No matter how late, my own problem has to be corrected. I would like to express my first comment: Xiao Zhan, would like to apologize for “losing voice” towards those who have been affected by this incident. This is my first responsibility towards the public, face the problem and admit my faults.

Also, I would like to use this opportunity to speak with my fans. This is my second responsibility. In one of my interviews last year, I have said, I do not really agree with “managing” my fans (some celebs in China have hired people to manage fan groups in order for them to behave in certain ways for their purposes. Antis tried to spread the false rumor that XZ also had those people and that they directed their fans to start this mess), because everyone is an individual. No matter my studio nor myself, we do not have the authority to “manage” them like some would manage workers in a company. Afterwards, I reflected many times, maybe I cannot use the word “manage” to define my relationship with my fans, but I do have the responsibility to “correctly influence, and actively advocate”. So today, I would like to tell my fans, everyone has the right to like or hate something, and it should be respected and allowed within their own space. Of course this right should be reasonable, should not hurt anyone else, and remain within the boundaries of the correct values and norms. I hope my fans and friends can understand that no matter which profession, no matter what age, one’s own preferences or actions should not cross the line for one’s professional ethics or disrespect basic principles.

(Here he is referring to reports of teachers using his name in class or asking children to say his name to cheer for him. This is a problem that occurred also with other celebrities in China, and for which he has already expressed himself previously.)

No matter online or in real life, everyone should be responsible for their own words. I also hope that we are not represented tags like “xx’s fans”, that we do not set this as the basis of where we stand on a topic nor do we let this determine what’s right or wrong. Everyone have their own hobbies and interest, respect everyone’s choice and freedom of speech. No matter whether they like me or hate me is their own right. Passion, this should be a source of strength to everyone, I do not wish for it to consume or hurt anyone. Perhaps I cannot change this kind of environment, but at least for you and me, today is a new start point.

At last, I would like to talk a bit about myself. Ever since I came into this field, until today, I have always been defined by some tags. But the reason why I originally stepped into this circle was my passion for performance and music. And this is why, I will keep working on becoming a better actor and singer. The sudden criticism of “having lost voice” made me realize that, other than what I have always focused on professionally, I have to also be able to carry the responsibility of a public figure and an idol. I was born in a normal family in Chong Qing, and have lived a normal life, like many other people, for more than twenty years. Today I will also use this opportunity to apologize for the words I have said before as a normal person (I’ve already talked about it here), for the people I have inadvertently hurt. As I work hard on studying to become a better person, I will try to become a better “public figure”, so that these two Xiao Zhan can blend in together, for a better self.

This past year, no matter big or small, I have to be responsible for the incidents that happened because of me. I can demand this for myself, but I have no right to force it on other people, so I can only hope that those who really like me can really listen to me: please be a bit more reasonable for things outside of personal preferences. Live a healthy life, put more time and energy onto one’s real life, and less on the senseless fighting behind fake IDs and unreliable online world. Only to become a better self.

(Here he’s referring to an online fight that an anti called 晨小晨 started. I’ve already explained a bit here. #微博管理员回应晨小晨事件# )

Sorry for any grammar errors, this post was really long to make and I didn’t proofread. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to translate the entire thing for overseas fans since you don’t understand the entire context, and because I wanted my wb records collection tag to be complete, I felt I had to... and I got carried away trying to explain everything. Tried to summarize it as much as I could.

As a fan of Xiao Zhan and also an AO3 user, I would still like to apologize for how this bullshi*t ended up disrupting respectful and peaceful users of AO3. The Untamed tag did not contain hate fics before all of this happened, it is unfortunate that a place where there used to be only love, ended up being tainted by antis and haters.

To the anonymous person who asked me a few months ago if I supported bjyx, this is my answer: You have the right to like whatever you want within your own corner, as long as it doesn’t bother anyone else and isn’t against basic principles. I ship WangXian as characters from a novel, but I have never liked RPS as a principle.

#肖战 #肖战xiaozhan #xiao zhan #xiaozhan #zhan xiao #sean xiao #wb records collection #bjyx #i hate fandom fighting #in the end he chose to say sorry #for the innocent people dragged into this #and for the innocent fans #he chose to carry all the blame #even when none of it was his fault

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endcant · 3 years

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aimless musings on subgenre, citypop, and internet subcultures

theres something very interesting about watching citypop become very mainstream in korea and watching that feed back into both western listeners’ opinions and also into the sometimes-cynical efforts of a variety of kpop producers

a lot of people in the youtube/kpop sphere talk about the growth of citypop as if it were a spontaneous wave that appeared out of nowhere with mariya takeuchi’s plastic love getting picked up by the youtube algorithm in like 2018 or whatever, but thats a very like online-ignorant view of the interaction between vintage japanese music and worldwide online EDM production. citypop has been used in future funk and vaporwave for almost a decade by now, and, as a result, a number of citypop songs took off on social media here and there before plastic love’s acceleration— dress down by kaworu akimoto is one of the big examples off the top of my head, but there’s likely many many more.

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“Plastic Love” by Mariya Takeuchi (1984). if you haven’t heard this yet, you’d better listen to it now. The video that first went viral was uploaded in 2017

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“Selfish High Heels” by Yung Bae, Macross 82-99, and Harrison (2014) is a popular Future Funk remixes of Dress Down by Kaoru Akimoto (1986)

people who haven’t been very aesthetically literate online over the years— musically or visually, since those things are tied in subcultures— treat things like they come from nowhere. there are ongoing subcultural conversations that lead to certain aesthetic choices, and when someone tries to cash in on a trend without understanding what the trend is, that leads people to call bullshit. calling bullshit is not meanspirited, in my opinion, because it very much is like somebody who can’t speak a language getting up in front of everybody and saying “hey, i’m fluent!” and then speaking some vaguely that-language-sounding nonsense. of course people who genuinely speak that language will be outraged instinctively. it feels like being mocked.

that’s why the difference between music producers picking up on a trend cynically and music producers picking up on a trend with earnest interest in that trend’s origins feels different, even if the producers are similarly distant from the original subculture that produced that trend.

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“Lady” by Yubin (2018) committed hard to the 80s JP citypop aesthetic, musically and visually, down to the sets, all fairly early in the major resurgence.

i’m sure that anyone with a passing familiarity with citypop and kpop can ascertain that not all kpop producers know what citypop is and what makes it citypop. all they know is that it is on-trend and they have to make it. not all kpop listeners know what citypop is and what makes it citypop. all they know is their idol said citypop as a buzzword in their little prepared statement. all this results in some interesting moments for me as a Music Fan, Online.

here is where i get to the thing that spurred this post: loona “did a citypop” for their japanese comeback. it doesnt sound like citypop.

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“Hula Hoop (Citypop Version)” by Loona (2021). It has very odd percussion rhythms and mixing for citypop, no real attempt at a citypop verse, and strangely sparse gestures towards citypop in the form of a few seconds of bass and some synthesized orchestral embellishments that were taken from the original mix …all in spite of a very disco-inspired melody that should have worked perfectly for citypop

this is not a very big deal, and im not mad about it or anything. when a kpop act i like gets saddled with an unfortunate B-Side track i dont tend to take it very hard. however, it did raise a little bit of musical discourse in the loona fandom— in the form of remixes.

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“hula hoop if it was actually a citypop song” by loonahatetwinks and Olivia Soul on youtube. this one has an original instrumental that is spot-on for contemporary k-citypop

My most favorite one of these remixes is a futurefunk remix by ZSunder, one of the very best LOONA fan producers. The fact that ZSunder thought to make a future funk remix at all speaks more to an understanding of the mutually supportive relationship between citypop and EDM genres than most kpop citypop producers or fanmixers seem to care to know about.

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“Hula Hoop (Future Funk Mix)” by ZSunder is futurefunk made and mixed with such love that it has the infectious summery energy of a polished, big-name future funk hit

in the comments of this video, some people seemed to get the citypop-future funk connection and some didnt. many did get it, don’t get me wrong! but also, its not all that surprising for some kpop-focused listeners to not know much about EDM subcultures and the reasons behind various trends among producers, since kpop as an institution tends to take influences from any genre and culture it likes and then decontextualize those influences by just having their names used as buzzwords in the blurbs the idols have to recite when variety show hosts ask them about their latest single. this isn’t a criticism of the genre or the fans really, it’s just a part of the kpop industry that is used to add shine to an endless firehose-like stream of polished pop tracks. there are some issues with using whole genres and subcultures with complex histories as buzzwords, but god help us if we ever want a pop industry to give its influences their dues.

anyway, the intention behind ZSunder’s future funk Hula Hoop remix happened to remind me me of why i love Yukika’s discography so much, especially the Soul Lady album. I’ve seen some reviews online baffled by parts of Soul Lady, because the album in general is an exploration of that relationship between citypop and modern/internet EDM. i’ve seen plenty of Soul Lady reviews especially baffled by pit-a-pet, saying something along the lines of “what’s with the modern-sounding dance track in the middle of a retro album?”, but i think that pit-a-pet is a futurefunk-inspired track, at least in the chorus. considering both that and the Chill Lo-Fi Interludes, it seems like estimate’s team put together Soul Lady for Yukika in a way that shows that they love citypop and understand the online-specific electronic music subcultures that led to citypop’s resurgence.

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“pit-a-pet” by Yukika (2020). the stacatto, bass heavy chorus is futurefunk enough, but the soaring orchestral part in the final chorus seals the deal for my interpretation.

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“All Flights Are Delayed (1 hour version)” by Yukika (2020). Estimate literally released an hour-long youtube mix of one of the Lo-Fi interludes on Soul Lady as part of their promotion, clearly inspired by “Lo-Fi anime beats to chill out to,” which is another example of online producers from around the world using Japanese samples as a focal point of their music

Estimate, in the end, is still a Kpop production company, just the same as BBC, so they have no inherent claim over citypop, but the way that their exploration of subgenres clearly comes from passion and interest on the part of their production staff makes it so that their work with Yukika rings true. on the other hand, i really appreciate Ryan S. Jhun’s work on LOONA’s JP comeback, as well as on Not Friends, but the citypop mix thing was so clearly an afterthought to the point where fans of Loona who like citypop seem mostly just irritated by the cynical-seeming attempt.

heres one last good modern kpop citypop MV that has nods to the internet culture that led to its revival in the form of the videography— vaporwave, future funk, lofi, and other internet genres along those lines tend to have videos consisting of looping anime and vhs clips. future funk in particular is known for this, especially since a lot of future funk music, esp early future funk, is just loops of very short, catchy segments of citypop and disco songs. it’s all about the loops

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“My Type” by Yoon JongShin ft. Miyu Takeuchi (2019). This song is so dedicated to the retro JP citypop sound that it’s almost beyond my personal taste. The singer, Miyu, was a headlining act at a seoul citypop festival and sang this song as part of her act (:

youtube

this video of “Only One” by Conscious Thoughts (2015) has a looped clip as an example for comparison with My Type. it also has a pulsing sidechain compressor working in time with its drum beat in a way that is common for future funk and that i think is a good example for my pit-a-pet yukika comparison to future funk

i guess the takeaway here is that media is more and more online, and the creation and propagation of digital audio and video content has been in the hands of literally almost anybody who wants to do it for the past two decades thanks to garage band and fruityloops and audacity and tiktok and youtube and bandcamp and soundcloud and myspace and newgrounds and p2p file sharing and so on and so forth. and therefore like… as with all things, the consumer class more and more is also the creator class, and therefore every member of an audio-visual subculture will have the ability to discern what is and isnt made with knowledge of the audio-visual language of that subculture

#me using elder millennial phrasing for Loona Did A City Pop to imply how out-of -touch it is kfhajfhs #mine #music #long post #Youtube

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firstlovesuggestions · 3 years

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I want to share something with you guys that I experienced before and during the time I met the person I write all these suggestions about.

Sorry if this is long and doesn’t make much sense, I just really wanted to get all the details down.

For the longest time, probably since I was 12 or 13, I had vivid dreams of... well, pretty much everything. There was one constant thing, though. Once a week or so, this guy started to show up in my dreams. He was always there to comfort me if the dream was scary, weird, or disturbing, lift my spirits if the dream was sad, or to just be there with me if the dream was happy.

However, toward the end of the dream, he would always say “I’ll be right back”, and then he’d disappear and not come back. I would wake up feeling lonely and heavy hearted, missing him and wanting to be with him again. Sometimes I would wake up crying. Then when I saw him in my dreams again, my heart would be fluttering and I’d feel whole again, until the end of the dream came back around.

The odd thing is that I never saw his face. It was always a sort of blur, or sometimes covered with something. I couldn’t hear his voice, but I could at the same time; it was warm and calming, but it was more like a soul speaking to me rather than a human voice. But I could feel his arms around me. I could feel him kiss my forehead. It was so strange, but felt so wonderful.

This cycle of spending one night a week with this unknown guy in my dreams went on for 6 or 7 years.

The guy I write these suggestions about came into my life on OkCupid of all places. When I first messaged him, it was because I felt like I knew him from somewhere, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

Some things came up and we fell out of contact after having known each other for only one month. I still thought about him every day, and I felt like I had lost something completely irreplaceable. Strangely enough, I stopped seeing the mystery guy from my dreams as well. 4 months later and I had just been about to give up hope of ever seeing or hearing from him again. I still hadn’t seen the guy from my dreams either, and found myself even missing him, too.

The night that I finally decided to let him go, just minutes after I made that conscious decision, I got a notification for his Twitch stream. I had turned them off several months before because I missed him too much and it hurt to watch his streams. I never turned them back on, but it still came through to my phone somehow. I still don’t know how it happened to this day.

I turned on his stream and watched. I didn’t say anything in chat or anything, just watched. After a bit, I remembered what I had just told myself about letting him go, and just deleted my Twitch app and tried to go on about my evening. My heart was heavier than ever.

About an hour or two later, I get a message on Discord.

It was him, saying he saw my username in the viewer list. He said he was really happy to see my name after all this time. From there, we began catching up. We talked for another two or three hours and the spark that I still had for him and was trying so hard to extinguish became a blazing flame. We eventually said good night and logged off.

When I fell asleep that night, the ‘mystery’ guy showed up again. I knew it was the guy by the very feeling I got from him being present. This time I could see his face. It was the person I had just been talking to on Discord. He reached out in my dream and gave me a hug. That was all that happened before he said he’d be right back. I didn’t see him for another two months.

Two months passed and my now-muse and I had become very close friends. On November 13th, 2018, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I felt like a piece of my life clicked into place the moment I said yes.

I fell asleep feeling a way I never had before. He shows up in my dreams, again as the guy I had dreamed of for years. He took my hand and led me to the most beautiful place I had ever seen. There, he gave me the warmest hug I had ever felt from him, and I so clearly remember him saying “I’m back.”

I haven’t seen him as that mystery guy in my dreams ever since that night. I started to have some dreams of him as my boyfriend instead. Our relationship progressed unbelievably fast, but it felt so right the whole time, and it still feels right. Here we are today, two and a half years later. I moved across the country to live with him in June 2019. We bought a house in 2020, we have two cats, and we’re continuing to build our life together. Every day, I feel that comfort that the guy from my dreams used to bring me. Only now, it’s real.

I found myself thinking about this today and started tearing up. It’s how I know he’s the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, because he’s the only one I’ve ever loved since I first met him in my dreams all those years ago. I decided to write it all down and put it here, since it’s a perfect explanation of what and who this whole blog is about.

Honestly, I first started this blog about displaced feelings I had when my now-boyfriend and I still weren’t in contact for those 4 months. Looking back, it was all the feelings I still had for him from the start. I was missing him so much that I just didn’t know what to do or how to process things. Starting this blog gave me a place to release these feelings that really only kept piling up.

I will never be able to explain this whole phenomenon, but I don’t need to. I have him in my life now, and that’s all I need.

#not a suggestion #my story

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tomorrowsdrama · 3 years

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2020: A Year in Thirst

In 1985, Gabriel Garcia Marquez gave the world Love in the Time of Cholera. In 2020 (er, I guess it’s now 2021), I give to you, Thirst in the Time of Covid-19 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Embrace the Thirst, a brief recap of all the dramas I watched in 2020 and whether such dramas made yours truly parched..

The list contains dramas that premiered in 2020, but also dramas from previous years. If I watched it or attempted to watch it in 2020, it’s on the list.

EDIT: Ok, I’m going to have to do this in multiple parts because apparently I watched more dramas in 2020 than I remembered and talking about them all in one post would just be too long.

This also serves as a sort of greeting to all the people who recently followed me. I don’t know how or why, but thank you for being interested in my thirst, and also so sorry for everything you have/will witness here! I started this side blog last December 2019 as a place to dump all my fangirl feels and thirst with unbridled abandon and let’s just say, the thirst REALLY ramped up in 2020 during quarantine and all the political chaos/uncertainty. The state of the world may be uncertain, but my thirst will always be a comforting constant! LOL. If you want to thirst or fangirl/boy together, I’m all ears.

Anyway, let’s start with the drama that was partially the inspiration for this list.

1. The Wolf

Brief Summary: Sweet hot boy raised in the wilderness/by wolves meets sweet beautiful girl and they fall in love. Shitty evil people do shitty evil things to them to cause a misunderstanding and they are separated for years. Sweet hot boy is given the “Sexy Bloody Tormented Killer Makeover” TM and turns into a VERY VERY BAD HOT Wolf Man after being tortured/brainwashed by an evil asshole king who “adopted” him. Bad Hot Wolf Man reunites with sweet beautiful girl but because of third party machinations in the past, he thinks that she betrayed him so he is suuuuuuch an ass to her (while still maintaining hotness). But even beneath the asshattery (and sexy jerky smirks), he can’t help his love for her and it’s just *chefs kiss*. The angst, the pining, the mutual sacrifice for each other, the torment of wanting to be together but not being able to be together because of external forces/circustances, oh I am getting in a tizzy just thinking about it. I won’t reveal anymore so as not to spoil the drama, but just know the ending may destroy you.

Is she thirsty? Am I thirsty? AM I THIRSTY? Oh honey, if you don’t know the answer to that, then you must either be new here or you haven’t been paying attention to any of my posts in the past few weeks. Look, from the first moment the camera panned to Darren Wang’s very well-defined and tan chest and windswept hair, all semblance of shame and dignity I ever tried to feign on this tumblr was immediately thrown out the window. The feelings that he inspired within me were purely primal. My cavewoman ancestor from millennia ago stopped gathering food in the harsh wilderness for a brief second to transmigrate into my body and go “me want big strong man!”

I mean, below is literally our introduction to Wolf Boy. Am I supposed to just witness this and not feel anything? The director knew what he/she was doing. Anybody who worked on the drama who says they didn’t intend to exploit Darren Wang’s assets is a BOLD FACED LIAR. And this isn’t even Wolf boy in his hottest form.

That would be this:

Damn, your girl needs a moment here. When Wolf Boy turns into Bad Hot Wolf Man, wheeeeewww. The things that came out of my mouth and the thoughts that popped up into my head.

Examples of shameless fangirl drooling can be found here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/636986055498792960/dangermousie-this-should-be-illegal-i-mean Here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/637238885944033280/dangermousie-i-am-fucking-dead-the-end-this Here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/637793196830769152/dangermousie-wolfie-acquired-a-kid-omg Here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/635272988321775616/dangermousie-i-dont-know-about-you-guys-but and here: https://tomorrowsdrama.tumblr.com/post/637621638524977152/dangermousie-hnnnnnnnngh-i-am-beginning-to-forget

Honestly, just check out The Wolf tag on @dangermousie tumblr and you won’t be disappointed. Prepare to become obsessed, horny, and heartbroken.

Would I watch it minus the thirst traps? Have you ever thirsted so much that you couldn’t separate what reaction was hormonal and what was objective? Like the guy is so hot to you that when your friends ask you what do you like about him, the first 10 things you can think of are “he’s hot!” and then you try to remind yourself that you’re not a shallow person who actually cares about things other than looks but at the same time you can’t for the life of you think of a non-hot based trait that you like about the guy Yeah, that’s what happened here so sorry, I can’t give you an objective opinion. It’s not that there’s nothing objectively good about The Wolf, it’s just that my judgment is too clouded by Darren Wang’s abs and big hands. But from what I can tell by other people’s posts, even if you didn’t thirst for Darren Wang (Are you made of stone? But also, can you please teach me your magic so I can go back to being a semi-functional working woman?), The Wolf is still a very enjoyable drama with its own non-Darren Wang related merits.

2. My Beautiful Bride

Brief Summary: A drama about a strait-laced banker who wears a dorky backpack and rides a bicycle everywhere while wearing the dorkiest looking helmet ever and his beautiful bride-to-be whom he is hopelessly devoted to. This being a kdrama, and an OCN drama at that, things aren’t all what they appear to be. Yes, you read that right, an OCN. ROMANCE. DRAMA. Turns out the beautiful bride-to-be has a dangerous past that soon comes back to haunt her and she mysteriously disappears one day from strait-laced banker’s life in the typical kdrama way to protect him. Part of the reason she leaves him is also because she doesn’t want him to know about her past because she doesn’t think she’s good enough for him. Little does she know, he knows everything about her past and accepts it all. The only reason why he doesn’t bring it up is because he knows she doesn’t want him to know about that part of herself and he loves her so much he’s willing to do anything to make her happy. But also, another thing she doesn’t know is that underneath that boring but perfectly ironed suit, is a finely chiseled, super efficient fighting machine who did his mandatory military service in the special forces. He is like the terminator meets Liam Neeson’s character in Taken. He has a very particular set of skills and will stop at nothing to get his bride back.

Is she thirsty? Please just watch this video and you will have your answer: https://youtu.be/Ut9MhxWadHM

Prior to The Wolf, My Beautiful Bride was probably the most thirst-inducing drama I watched in 2020.

I mean, just look

at this

at all of this

I don’t’ know how Joo Young saw that body and never questioned whether he really was just a banker. The writers of the drama must be super heterosexual men who are blind because so many of the characters in the drama question why someone as beautiful as Joo Young would ever want to be with someone like the banker. Um..Um...aside from the fact that he is financially well off, treats her well, is loving and respectful of her, and prioritizes her over everything else, JUST LOOK AT HIM. I was so thirsty for Kim Mu Yeol in this role that I would accidentally tag this drama as My Beautiful Banker sometimes. The banker was on a relentless one-man mission to take back his bride and turn me on in the process and ooooooh boy was he successful on both fronts. He is seriously sex on legs every time he beats up a baddie in his quest to find answers about Joo Young’s whereabouts.

Would I watch it minus the thirst traps? I binged the first six episodes of this drama in one afternoon partly because of my thirst, but also partly because it’s a very well made crime-action-gangster drama. This is an OCN drama so you can expect a competently made production with well choreographed/bloody action scenes and a solid script.

3. Scarlet Heart Ryeo / Moon Lovers

Brief Summary: IU plays Hae Soo, a modern woman who is somehow transported back in time to the Goryeo period. There, she gets entangled with a group of royal princes. Her two main love interests are Wang So (played by Lee Jun Ki) and Wang Wook (played by Kang Ha Neul). The princes vie for the throne and some of them for Hae Soo’s affection. Lee Jun Ki does what he does best, which is play a sexy tortured deadly man who looks way too good with blood splattered on his face. Kang Ha Neul is the seemingly kind prince/daddy long legs character who turns out to be not so kind or daddy long leggy. Hae Soo is...well IU did the best she could with what she was given (which was a hot inconsistent mess).

Is she thirsty? Scarlet Heart Ryeo is like the honeypot of thirst traps. It’s essentially a reverse harem set up with a prince for everyone.

Like them young and cute? Then try the 10th prince, Wang Eun.

Want them big, tall, and kinda dumb? Here’s the 14th prince Wang Jung for ya.

Want an evil bastard with an affinity for guyliner? Try out 3rd prince Wang Yo.

Tall, slender, and scholarly? 13th prince Baek-ah will fill your needs.

Is a kind/gentle man who will ultimately disappoint you because he doesn’t show up when you need him most more your speed? Well, let me introduce you to 8th prince, Wang Wook.

Kinda scary but oh so hot and with a ton of baggage? We’re talking, I overpacked and brought 10 overstuffed large suitcases levels of baggage. 4th prince Wang So is the guy for you.

And if you prefer someone with no personality, presence, or memorable traits, I got a two-for-one deal for you in the crown prince Wang Mu and 9th prince Wang Won.

Would I watch it minus the thirst traps? There is political intrigue, scheming, romance, fluffy hijinks (my least favorite parts of the drama), angst, beautiful costumes, and pretty decent fight scenes. Scarlet Heart Ryeo is a pretty solid fusion/fantasy sageuk mostly thanks to Lee Jun Ki. The only person who has ever carried a larger load on his back is Atlas. I’m not saying all the other actors are horrendous. It’s just very clear that the one elevating the material beyond the inconsistencies/messiness/elementary politics of the script is Lee Jun Ki. Your enjoyment level of the drama will likely increase if you are a fan of any of the main actors.

#the wolf #darren wang #my beautiful bride #kim mu yeol #scarlet heart ryeo #moon lovers: scarlet heart ryeo #lee jun ki #kang ha neul #ji soo #cdrama #kdrama

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thoughts-on-bangtan · 3 years

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Let’s talk: the Vmin “no on screen interaction = no bond” Paradox

by Admin 1 & 2

One of the reasons that are usually stated for why people are so insistent on their claims that Jimin and Tae supposedly aren’t close anymore, that their friendship is nothing but PR for Friends, and that the whole “soulmate agenda” is fake as well, boils down to the statement of “we rarely or never see them interact on screen, no touching, no talking, nothing”. We find this both misleading, since it isn’t true, but also disrespectful, since it means that the only way in which some are able to accept closeness between the members as real and valid is if they see it, nothing else. So, just because you don’t see it through grand physical touches, hugs and whatnot, does that mean if they speak about each other, for example, that doesn’t count?

You could argue that the power of pictures is greater than that of words, but to that I would like to ask: do they owe us visual proof of their closeness when we already have so much that shows how truly close Jimin and Tae are, how much they care about each other and how much work across years they’ve willingly and eagerly put into their bond for it to grow as deep and beautiful as it is?

As a way to showcase how misleading the screen time = friendship/closeness argument is, especially in connection to Jimin and Tae, I’d like for us to look at two different instances: Black Swan MV (the MV Sketch as well as the “opera” b*omb and the basket ball b*omb) and the Jingle Ball 2019 EPISODE.

Let’s start with the videos surrounding Black Swan below the cut:

Around that time I saw a lot, and I mean a lot, of chatter (mostly negative) about vmin since a very loud portion of the fandom were very up in arms after we got Friends. Not only did it solidify their preconceived notion that they are just friends, because the song is titled like that and none of them really cared enough to check the lyrics, but also because it opened up a whole new discussion about “but like, are they really friends?” To which, of course, their answer was mostly “no”. It’s just PR, they actually don’t really like each other, they barely interact, we see nothing of them, both interact way more with the other members, you know the drill. So when the MV Sketch for Black Swan came out it was, once again, like more “am/munition” for their arguments.

The thing we find laughable though is this expectation of “ship moments” in a video that’s literally about the filming of their music video, most of the scenes showing said filming happening though there’s also a few scenes of the members interacting. But, at the core, this isn’t like a bangtan b*mb of them hanging out backstage waiting for something or another where it makes sense that we’d see them interact a lot and be silly, instead it’s a video in which their focus (as well as ours should be) is on filming and giving the best performance they can so the MV turns out amazing, which it did. They are doing their work, not enjoying their free time. When you’re at work, do you really spend the majority of your time playing around with your friends? No, you do your job, the thing you get paid for doing.

The first few times I watched the video, I was so captivated by the theatre and their dancing, their mindset and performance, I didn’t even really notice any of their interactions or pay attention to who interacted with who or who did not. Guess my priorities and expectations are simply a bit different when watching a music video being filmed...

So what was the conclusion people drew? While Jimin and Tae are both close to JK and the other member, they are not close to each other, they don’t even particularly like each other. It was a narrative I saw repeated across various sns and, really, while it made me sad, I also wasn’t surprised. It’s nothing new that people treat vmin in such a manner.

Then, months later we got two Bangtan B*mbs from the same time and surprise, surprise Jimin and Tae did interact, a lot even, in ways that show how attuned with each other they are, how easy it is for them to fall into one of their role-plays or just be silly together, how gentle and thoughtful of the other they are, and how much they enjoy doing something together, regardless of what it is.

The first, posted October 1st 2020, showed Tae playing basket ball while Jimin and JK sat off to the side and watched him. Like you can see in the above pictures, eventually Jimin joined Tae and they played together for most of the video. Since the sun was shining at them, Tae stood before Jimin and raised his hands so the shadow fell onto Jimin’s eyes and he could see better, later on doing the same for Tae. It’s a small thing and yet it shows they care about each other. At some point Jimin pretended that he’ll be leaving, twice, and yet he stayed and they played some more. Toward the end of the video Namjoon joins them and eventually vmin leave and Namjoon stays behind and plays with Seokjin before the video ends.

Based on all that you’d assume the people who, seven months earlier, claimed vmin are essentially estranged and barely even like each other would reconsider, but of course not. Despite the focus being largely on them across the entire video, many comments by non-vminies (and non-namjinists) I saw on sns were about Tae playing on his own, Jimin and JK sitting off to the side together, and Namjoon playing with Seokjin.

The second video was posted October 24th 2020 and began with Jimin pretending he’s an opera singer, which Tae noticed and immediately joined in, since we know this is the sort of thing Tae enjoys doing, even occasionally turning their own songs and lyrics into opera style to make the other members laugh. This sets off this entire sequence of Tae and Jimin singing different things, JK also joining in for a moment, and then vmin ending on that sweet moment of Jimin standing behind Tae with his hands covering Tae’s eyes before concluding that “it’s hard to play with him”. And yet, even if it’s hard, can we talk about these two screenshots of Jimin fondly watching Tae and looking like he can’t wait until his stylist is done so he can go join him? Adorable.

But again, even here while the focus is on vmin for a large portion of the video, this fact was largely omitted and instead people zeroed in on moments in which Tae was alone, Tae or Jimin interacted with JK, and Tae singing with Namjoon and Seokjin. It seems to me like the council of “how valid is a friendship” decided on their opinion months prior and stuck with it even if it meant, as always, to just ignore vmin interactions in favor of other things while at the same time spreading the “vmin are not friends because they don’t interact” agenda to anyone who’ll listen.

Generally I don’t really care all that much for all the chatter happening among parts of ARMY, but seeing these comments belittling and erasing the bond Jimin and Tae have, regardless if you see it as platonic or potentially romantic, is just really hard to read sometimes. Not even because I’m a vminnie, but simply because they are erasing something that is so important to both Tae and Jimin, this bond they have with each other they themselves spoke so much about, showed so much of, and yet people refuse to accept it, like they have any right to make such judgements about their bond.

The second example I’d like to show is Jingle Ball 2019 in LA and how deceptive, paradoxical and misleading the no screen time = no bond agenda really is.

For context, the Jingle Ball happened some time in December 2019, the same month as when we got the vmin “let’s take a half bath together” while holding hands during Seokjin’s birthday vlive happened, meaning a time when Jimin and Tae were just as close as ever, even occasionally giving us glimpses into their bond, giggling together and being all smiles. Also the same month as the famous holding hands because we think no one sees us anymore moment at the airport.

On July 22nd 2020 we got the EPISODE showing the behind the scenes of the Jingle Ball performance. It’s 11 minutes long and includes the BWL performance with Halsey, but largely shows the members getting ready, practicing their English and being excited to perform. If we focus solely on vmin then sure, I’ll agree that there were no interactions between those two whatsoever, not a usual or out of the ordinary thing, and not something I see any kind of problem in. They don’t owe us interactions in every piece of content. And yet, as always, it just added fuel to everyones favorite agenda that vmin are not close, ignoring all the prior time frame context we established previously. But who cares, they didn’t interact in this 11 minute video therefore they definitely didn’t interact at all and now hate each other.

Jokes on those people because of course that isn’t true.

Excuse the rather mediocre quality of those pictures, I tried my best with the screenshots taken from a video taken by a fan (one of many) who got to see BTS behind the scenes before going on stage from the stands further up. There’s this video on twt that shows just vmin and then I found a longer version in this person’s vlog (around the 7:25 min mark and onward). You can check both and confirm that it really is vmin in those screenshots. Also, as memory refresher, Jimin was the only one with a black collar and shirt along with blond hair. Namjoon stands further away and can be seen in the three lower pictures.

So, what does this tell us? Easy--just because it wasn’t shown in a condensed and edited video it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Just because Jimin and Tae don’t show us things on screen, or the editors don’t use scenes where it can be seen, it doesn’t mean that it’s an accurate representation of their actual, real life bond. They weren’t in the EPISODE but hugged and walked together off camera.

Notice how this agenda merely applies to vmin, how their bond, their soulmate status and closeness is the only one that gets questioned at every possible moment. When Seokjin said that Yoongi feels like his soulmate nowadays in an episode of In The SOOP no one questioned his words and accepted them as true, because he said so himself and we should believe their sincerity when they say these things. And yet when it comes to vmin, the rules are entirely different.

This was a post brought to you by Admin 2 coming across yet another thread on twt filled with ARMY claiming outlandish things about vmin and their bond and getting annoyed.

#lets talk #vmin #taehyung #jimin #we try not to get annoyed by these things but...#bts #bangtan sonyeondan #honestly this agenda is awful and unfair #just needed to get this out of our system

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