#i think the living room's done? idk i might change some minor things later but i'm rly happy with how it turned out

[minamill]

Slow progress on the ranch

#i think the living room's done? idk i might change some minor things later but i'm rly happy with how it turned out #trying to mesh their colorful victorian aesthetic with the earthy ranch vibes while making it more mature bc they're parents #and reusing their old furniture and decor is... a challenge lmao #onto the kitchen! #ts4 #sims 4 #ts4 interior #sims 4 interior

[rebeccccccaaa]

𝕳𝖚𝖒𝖆𝖓

______________________

sᴛᴇᴠᴇ ʀᴏɢᴇʀs x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛᴇᴅ: (ANON) hey i just stumbled on your stuff. it's really good!! and this is my first ever request so i don't know if i'm doing it right, but do you think you could write something where the reader is insecure about her body hair and bucky or steve is just like comforting them and maybe some slight smut??

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: SMUT 18+ minors dni, major fluff miss girl 

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs: idk if you were looking for just coochie hair but this was really real for me so i made it like an all around insecurity about having hairy arms, shoulders, back, belly, the whole shabang i hope that was ok . this really hit home as a Latina/Hispanic with prominent body hair so i really hope you guys like it

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“What about this one?” Nat held a silk dress, the front cutting low as well as the back. 

“It’s pretty,” you started.

“Yeah?”

“Pretty revealing,” you snorted.

“Nat I already told you, I was thinking maybe something with long sleeves, maybe a pant suit? That's a power move,” you laughed. 

“Y/n, you have a gorgeous body and you should show everyone,” she said smiling softly. 

“It’s not that, it’s just….”

“Just what?” she asked concerningly. 

“It’s stupid,” you chuckled nervously.

“It’s not stupid if it’s bothering you this much,” she said. 

“I don’t really like to wear clothes that show off a lot of skin because I don’t- ugh,” you huffed out, “I have a lot of hair, Like everywhere.”

“You’re human; you’re supposed to,” Nat chuckled.

“I know, but it's very visible and I get a bit insecure,” you mumbled. 

“Awe, it’s ok. You’re still the most beautiful girl in the whole world, did you know that?” Nat smiled hoping to lighten the mood.

“Shut up,” you pushed her playfully.

“No seriously, you’re so stunning and if a guy, who probably looks like a fucking werewolf, has the audicity to say you’re too hairy can literally stick a razor up their ass,” she said making you giggle. 

“You know Steve wouldn’t care,” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Stop it,” she was always teasing you about Steve, and as much as you did like him, it’s so embarrassing. 

“Come on buy this one and flaunt that gorgeous body so y’all can fuck.”

“Oh my-  If I buy it will you shut up?”

“Yes.”

You snatched the garment from her hands and walked prissily to the counter hearing the red head snicker behind you.

-

You stood in front of the mirror staring at your appearance. Your skin glowed against the silk fabric, the tie resting on the side of your waist pulling the fabric in to accentuate your features. The back was cut low with practically no fabric above your sacrum. 

Those little hairs crept along your back and you couldn’t help but frown at them. The fuzz was so visible and you just wish you had thin hairs, hardly noticeable like those girls on social media. Growing up people always had something to say about the hairs on your shoulders and your arms. Nothing’s changed as an adult now and it fed horribly into your insecurities. 

“You ready?” Nat came into your room, making you snap your head towards her.

“Oh my goodness, you look so beautiful!” Wanda said walking into your room as well.

“Thank you, guys,” you smiled softly. You couldn’t help but hide your arms placing your hands over your forearms and Nat looked at you gingerly and grabbed your hands softly. 

“Everything about you is beautiful, ok?” she smiled.

“Thanks,” you responded before heading downstairs. 

The music seemed quiet compared to the voices that chattered up and down the halls and rooms. It was very crowded and you were quickly left alone; Nat headed to the bar and Wanda instantly spotting Vision. 

You held your head high and walked through the crowd to the table where Tony had appetizers and snacks for the guests. You felt confident after Nat’s words and you definitely caught the eyes of many different oglers there. One particular man had walked with poise stopping before you with a smile. 

He was quite handsome and you returned a smile, casting your eyes down shyly. He wore a classic all black look, a black button up collar with sleek balck suit pants. His shoes were also black and he looked very put together. He had pitch black hair and gorgeous green eyes. You were hypnotized. 

“You look absolutely ravishing darling,” he spoke smoothly. 

“Oh, uh, thank you. You look very nice too,” you said timidly. 

You two made small talk before migrating to the bar. Nat gave you a look before Wanda spoke to you, her eyes as well as yours glowing red and her voice echoed in your head.

What about Steve?

Get out!

“Woah, what’s with your eyes?” the guy said surprised. 

“What?” you retorted.

“They- They were red for a second,” he stuttered.

“Maybe you’ve had a bit too much to drink,” Nat swooped in. 

“Yeah, probably,” he chuckled. 

You two continued to talk until he asked the dreaded question. The question that always makes you unbelievably self conscious and gross. The question that every goddamn man on earth feels they need to ask for no fucking reason.

“Why don’t you shave your arms?” 

“What?” you asked dumbfounded.

“Well, you’re very uh- hairy. Do you shave your legs?” 

“I- uh. I don’t understand.”

“Well, I just noticed you’ve got a lot of hair on your arms and your shoulders. You should probably shave it, you know?” he said.

Nat and Wanda exchanged shocked and foul looks, rolling their eyes at the man’s remarks. You smiled sarcastically before storming away. Men seriously have nothing but the audacity. You covered your arms and caved yourself in just trying to run from the situation. Before you could head to the elevators you bumped into a strong body. 

“Y/n, I was looking for you- Wow, you look- wow,” he said with wide eyes. He’s never seen you in a dress quite like this. The silk was shining beautifully like your glowing skin and the straps fell from your shoulders making Steve fight the urge to kiss and nip at your soft skin. The color complimented your skin tone incredibly and he was so enamored by your beauty; not that you weren’t always the most beautiful. 

You were angelic. 

“Thanks um, I’m gonna back up now. Not really feeling too hot,” you mean that quite figuratively. 

“What, but the party’s just getting started! I haven’t gotten to dance with you,” he gave that gorgeous smile that would make any woman fall to their knees. 

“Steve-”

“Come on just one dance?” he grabbed your hand. 

“You have to buy me a drink first,” you smirked, dragging him to the bar. Upon arrival, Nat smiled knowingly at you before making your favorite and Steve handed a twenty dollar bill. The later the night got, the more Stark’s guests drunken themselves into a careless party vibe. 

The lights were dimmed and the music grew louder. You finished your drink and Steve raised his brows waiting with a grin on his gorgeous face. You grabbed his hand and made your way to the makeshift dance floor that Tony’s guests had created.

Steve came up behind you with his hands on your hips and swayed with them to the beat of the music. Strangers around him had created quite a sexual tension filled aura that definitely affected you both. Your head was thrown back on Steve’s shoulder and your eyes were closed.

Steve looked around before catching his gaze with Nat’s smirking and nodded as if to tell him to make a move already. He looked down at you again, you were so beautiful in his arms. He ran his nose along the side of your face and sensed your head slowly leaning into him. 

You smiled slowly and Steve pressed a soft kiss to your temple. He kept pressing faint kisses down your neck as his hands trailing up your sides giving your goosebumps. He ran his nose along your shoulder and pressed kisses there too when you suddenly became overwhelmed with insecure questions; what if he notices the hairs? What if he asks the same question? Or worse, what if he gets disgusted by that?

You pushed him off and quickly ran away through the crowd. Confused, Steve chased after you. You walked quickly after leaving the crowd and made your way back to the elevator as you did earlier in the night. Steve was concerned that maybe he might’ve done something you might not wanted and scared you away.

“Hey, hey,” he reached for your arm, of which you quickly retracted.

“Wait, Y/n,” you avoided his eyes as you round the corner towards the elevator. Steve stepped in front of you, pushing your back against the wall caging you with his arms. 

“What happened? I thought- I thought we were you know, having a moment,” he smiled guiltily.

“Steve, I’m sorry but…” you trailed off. 

“Is it me?”

“No! J- Ugh, Steve. Please,” you just wanted to go to your room and cry; you let your insecurities get the best of you once again and ran away from something that could’ve been. 

“Then what is it? Because I like you; I really like you. And I need you to tell me if you don’t feel the same because I’m just gonna think that I did something wrong and that I hurt you; and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did,” he told you.

“You didn’t do anything,” you teared up; you brought his forehead to yours and brushed his nose against yours.

“Growing up people always teased me for my body hair. Guys always told me that I needed to shave my arms because being able to see the hair was gross. I feel so ugly. And that fucking asshole tonight; I really thought he was gonna be different. They’re all the same.”

“Y/n, look at me. You are so fucking beautiful. Everything about you is perfect and I want nothing more than to show you.”

“You don’t think I need to shave,” you pouted. 

“No, and anyone that tells you that, you let me know and I’ll punch them,” he said with a deadpan look making you grin.

“Sorry. No one’s ever said those things to me, about you know,” you cupped his face.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

You smiled softly before leaning into him and pressing your lips against his gingerly. You could feel him smile into the kiss and his hands cradled the back of your head as he deepened the kiss. 

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he said against your lips.

He pulled away and turned around briefly to call the lift. He grabbed your hand and pulled you inside pressing you against the wall to kiss you sloppily. Your chest heaved up and down at his passion and when he pulled away you were left breathless. 

He led you to his room where he was on you in an instant again, your back pressed against his door and his lips on your neck. Your head was thrown back as you basked in the feeling of his lips against your neck. Your hands making home in his hair. 

He pulled your strap down pressing kisses along your shoulder. You tensed a bit out of natural habit but his lips felt so soft and gentle, you relaxed and indulged in his attention. Your finger made work with his baby blue button up that complemented his eyes perfectly and pushed his collar shirt off his broad shoulders. 

You grew a bit of confidence and pushed him off backing him up until he sat on the edge of his bed. When Steve plopped down he couldn’t help the huge grin on his face. His hands went under your dress caressing your thighs with his thumbs waiting for your next move. 

You bit your lip as you slowly untied the string that cinched your waist; unveiling your body to him wearing simply a pair of nude lace panties. You could hear the lustful groan that came from Steve, his eyes wandering your body as if he were memorizing everything about you. 

Hyper aware of your insecurity now that you’ve told him, he noticed the soft hairs that gloss over your skin. He had no problem with it. He thought it was beautiful; especially the little happy trail down your stomach. His hands came up your side and he leaned forward to kiss your belly. You instinctively pulled away and tensed before muttering apologies under your breath. 

“You don’t need to apologize, doll,” he looked up at you. 

He leaned forward again, his lips making contact with your hot skin this time. The eyes he gave were soft yet hungry and you couldn’t help the arousal that pooled between your thighs. He pulled you forward so you sat comfortably on his lap and grabbed your hands in his own. He placed them around his neck turning his head to the side to kiss the inside of your forearm all the way up to your shoulder.

“You are so gorgeous, absolutely ethereal, celestial, heavenly, god I could just look at you all day,” he said, making you grow flustered.

“It’s true, darling.”

“Thank you,” you said with teary eyes. 

Beautiful. Angelic. Divine. Perfect. Steve whispered those words against your burning skin as he turned you over to lay on your back. You kissed him messily before he moved down your body slowly practically peeling your panties from your body. 

The sight of your dripping cunt was enough for Steve’s cock to harden painfully. He stood up eagerily and dropped his pants and boxers surprising you. He was much bigger than you had anticipated and the nerves fluttered in your belly whether he’d fit comfortably or not. 

“You ok?” he rubbed your leg when he saw concern in your face.

“Yeah, you’re uh- you’re really big,” you said, making him chuckle.

“We don’t have to do anything if you’re not comfortable,” he reassured.

“No, I do! I really do,” you said quickly making him laugh harder this time. 

“Here, I think this will make it easier,” he grabbed your hand so you could sit up easily before quickly grabbing a condom and handing it to him. He pulled you close to let you straddle his legs as you did moments ago. He pumped his erect cock for a second before tearing the foil and wrapping it around his girth.

You stood up on your knees and stared into his eyes as you felt his tip at your entrance. You slowly sank down onto him feeling absolutely stretched to your fullest. You and Steve both moaned simultaneously as you took his entire length. You hadn’t even moved yet and Steve could you feel you pulsating around him. 

Your walls were so soft and velvety, Steve knew he wasn’t going to last long. 

“Ugh, baby, you gotta move please,” he moaned.

“You feel so good,” you whimpered. You lifted yourself before returning to settle back down over and over again. 

Steve leaned forward pressing kisses to your breasts whilst holding your waist to steady your bounces. He looked at you with nothing but adoration and devotion relishing in the moment he has with you. You were so goddamn beautiful above him, Steve couldn’t help the quickly approaching release. 

He could feel your wall clenching around him signaling how close you were. You began to grow tired and you were no longer bouncing up and down but rather rocking your hips forward and back now. Doing this stimulated your clit, rubbing against his pelvis and soon enough that had you body shaking in pleasure. 

“Fuck, Steve, I’m coming!” you gripped onto his shoulders. His finger dug into your own flesh surely to leave marks of some sort later and his head was thrown back as he chanted your name like a prayer. 

You pressed your lips against his neck kissing and sucking leaving purple and red marks and bites on him as you reached your climax. Every muscle in your body convulsed and tightened against Steve until you finally felt like you could relax. 

“You were so good, baby girl. So good for me,” he soothed; his hand rubbing and scratching your back gently. 

“Fuck,” you breathed out.

“Sh, I got ya. Relax, baby,” he could feel your slightly trembling body limp against him.

“That was amazing,” you whispered, continuing to press faint kisses on his neck.

“You’re amazing,” he said cheekily. 

“Thank you; for making me feel beautiful again.”

“I’d do anything for you. You deserve the world. You’re so stunning and anyone who wants to say otherwise is just jealous and full of shit,” he said making you grin. 

“You want me to run you a bath?” he asked softly.

“Only if you join me?”

“Deal.” 

======================

ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ: (For all my work)

@mathletemadison​

@buckybarnes101​

@l-sofiamia-l 

@pluto-grl

#steve rogers #steve rogers smut #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #marvel fics #marvel smut #chris evans smut

[justfandomtings]

Character study of William murderface

Cw: child abuse, ptsd, trauma, internalized homopobia,ect.

Throughout the show, murderface has been presented as a shitty person that is untalented, leeches off of his friends/ fame, and honestly just seem to have gotten lucky when getting into dethklok.

Which is true, but I want to look in a little deeper why he's like this. (Note:this might be kinda head cannonish. I have some examples from the actual show but since we never got a deep backstory for murderface or get many murderface centric episodes I'll be filling in some empty spaces.)

Murderface in the show

Murderface is extremely self loathing and has had moments where he just goes so hard in on himself.

Season 1 episode 1

We see this in the very beginning when he refers to himself as the 'fat one.'

It could've been played off as a simple joke, which it was in the show for the audience watching. But in the show's universe and for the character, this will be an occurring thing.

This continues in

Season 1 episode 3

It's murderface's birthday and the boys throw murderface a party. During his party murderface is shown complaining and being stand-offish. You would think the last thing he would want is a party, yet he still sends out invites to his bandmates. (Note: noticed how the invites were sent right after murderface left the room? Idk it just seemed like he was embarrassed or scared his bandmates would laugh at him for wanting a birthday party. He even tried to act non chalant when the invite said "come if you want, who gives a piss." when they did throw him a party he still came)

When the boys pulled a little, kinda mean but harmless prank on him, literally giving him the gift of nothing. Murderface was fucking hurt, like genuine tears almost left this man's eyes when he come into his room to get his thing's and 'run away'.

Of course the boys did give murderface an actual gift, which honestly had a lot of thought and effort put into it. This makes murderface cry a tear. (Of blood but you know still a tear)

This is the example of the boy's showing they care for murderface. But even after this big gesture murderface will continue to believe the opposite.

The show continues and we get the first and honestly only backstory for murderface.

Season 1 episode 6

When the boys get a band therapist, we find out the tragic murder/suicide of murderface's parents. His father killing his mother then himself with a chainsaw, this whole thing happens while murderface as a baby sits in his highchair unaware while eating his cereal. This flashback makes murderface kinda sit there in shock as he pisses his pants.

(Note: murderface has said in the show that his appearance was the reason his parents are dead. If that really was the case, why didn't his father kill him or at least killed him after he killed his mother? Why did his father just kill his wife and himself? Never laying a single hand on murderface? Will get back to that later.)

Season 1 episode 9

Bringing up this episode may be confusing to some for bringing this up since it doesn't focus solely on murderface. He doesn't even get that much screen time this episode. But I would like to point out his actions in that episode.

In this episode the boys adopt a young teen boy they name fatty ding dong and raise him as their son for probably couple of weeks. While the boys all had their...interesting way of raising him. Murderface had the most physical fights with fatty ding dong. Mostly when we misbehaved. Like hitting him, shocking him non stop with a tazer, beating him for eating his civil war boots ect.

I just like to point out that murderface was raised by his grandparents. We'll come back to more of that later in the post.

Season 1 episode 11

The band gets reunited with their families and what we see from murderface and his family is that they are very violent towards each other. Murderface tries to choke his grandmother when looking in at her mouth as she chewed. Pickles and Nathan had to snap himself out of it, murderface apologized saying it was his fault for looking to deeply.

Like that was some kind of trigger from his past that made him black out and get violent.

He was also highly against buying his grandfather a wheelchair, only doing so because the boys agreed to be nice towards their family to get them to leave.

Even when they were spending time with each other, they never touched each other William kept his distance. Only ever touching if it was fight related.

In the same episode we see why, Stella was so physically abusive towards murderface, spraying fucking pepper spray into his eyes when he did..nothing? He wasn't aggressive or was even part of the issue. She just attacks him because she had to change his diapers?

This belittlement and physical abuse continues everytime they are together on screen.

So to bring back up season 1 episode 9. With how murderface treated fatty ding dong we can assume that's how we was being treated while under the care of his grandparents. Children soak up things like a sponge. Whether you think they remember it or not. Many psychological reports has shown that children will mimick and repeat behaviors and actions their caretakers do. If it's right or not, children will do things because that's what this adult dose. That's what they see at home. It's normal to them if that is the environment they grow in. Even if the child feels like something is off or wrong. They won't know exactly what is wrong or why because it's all they know.

So if this is how murderface was raised, which highly may be the case since we see Stella physically abuse murderface even as an adult. He might have actually thought this is how you raise a child, this is what you do to a child when they misbehaved. Nobody in his life has corrected murderface or explain to him that this way of discipline isn't ok or even discipline to begin with, it is abuse.

So, we are to believe with the information we have now. Is that murderface was most likely abused as a child, probably all the way up till he was able to get away from them and join dethklok.

With this information we can apply this to his behavior in the show. A side effect from child abuse is suicidal behavior. Throughout the show Murderface would now and then casually commit about hurting or killing himself.

Season 1 episode 2

Murderface casually states if it'll be brutal enough for him to just take his life after Nathan deltes another record. Or when the boys kindly ask him to stop eating beans, he gets oddly emotional and says he'll just starve to death then.

Another effect from child abuse is eating disorders and obesity.

You already know this a big part of murderface's character. There are times where he's seen constantly eating junk food, to eating nothing and just drinking coffee, to the doctor pointing out the back of his teeth are decaying. And murderface informs him it's from throwing up his food.

He also gets teased for his weight being called chubby and fat, ect. Murderface has a hard time with his weight, his excessive eating may even be seen as an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Other effects such as aggressive behavior, low self esteem, dissociation, ect. Is also shown within the show.

Season 1 episode 15

Murderface gets into a motorcycle accident and is sent into the hospital. This near death experience gets him on a religious journey. Maybe to find answers to certain questions or possibly wondering where he was going to go if he did die? Is he a good person, why do certain things happen to people, what's the meaning of life?

He asked the guys if he really deserved to live. Does he really deserve to be brought onto this world, being a part of a pretty good and rare type of life.

The boys being emotionally closed off don't really answer his question. They honestly brush it off but they do go along with murderface on his spiritual journey.

He eventually chooses no religion, but I feel that near death experience stuck with him. He either decided that life was too short so might as well live it, or a more cynical view on life. That it's meaningless then who cares if he died?

Season 2 episode 11

This is probably an episode where murderface was the most sad and self loathing. (This and another episode I can't wait to get to) after his concert, he felt pretty shitty with the outcome and had lead him to feel that he does not deserve the life he has now and wonders why he even shows his face. Just wanting the spot light for one.

Which is really interesting. Because comparing season 1 with the other 3. Murderface in season one had...fans. There were people who genuinely liked him. The prime example is his birthday episode.

When he had a solo, just like in season 2 episode 11. People were cheering his name. Practically screaming at the rooftops for him. So what happened?

We already know that murderface is the least liked member of the band, but even then he still had fans. Hell people committed terrorists attacks just for him on his birthday.

Maybe it was just a loud minority? Who knows, but if in the show as time went on less and less people had him as his favorite or even just liked him would probably get him really insecure.

After the concert failure, Charles let's him host a Nas car event. Which I'd think would've gone actually well if you know, the dethklok curse wasn't a thing.

Also as murderface was planning the event people around him didn't really support him or help him out. Which is mostly murderface's fault, he has a lack of focus and doesn't really plan things through. This is a good reason for partners and others outside wanting to work with dethklok not want to work with murderface. It costs money and a lot of time to do all the things related to dethklok. And murderface's flakeyness is a valid reason for business and others to not have faith in him when related to these things.

BUT! (This is a little bit of projection here) as someone who also has a lack of focus and hard time to get things done. That doesn't mean I don't want to do said thing, that doesn't mean I want to waste others time. I simply have a hard time focusing, I need structure and that little reminder to get things done. But the difference between me and murderface is that I'm not a billionaire.

I am not apart of a popular metal band, with all the money in the world, with a manager that will clean up every little mess I make.

I have more risk, whatever I fuck up will effect me. I will suffer the consequences. Murderface won't. (Also he's a fictional character..so reality won't have any affect on him lol)

But yea, I believe if murderface would suffer from his consequences then he'd be a bit more on things. Also I feel murderface's mental health issues play a huge role in things.

His fear that he's not good enough, eating disorders, ect. Can really mess up your focus.

So, now to the infamous episode. Dethvanity.

Season 4 episode 8

In this episode Murderface in nominated for the most brutal looking award and this. Fucks. Him. Up.

So much so that he actually hallucinates his bandmates and Charles calling him ugly and other things that they never even said.

When he goes to the plastic surgeon, he tells him. A complete stranger, that he hates himself. For murderface to actually admit this deep issue that he's been keeping deep down. For him to show vulnerability to a stranger is pretty sad.

When he goes to Nathan to borrow money, he tells a story of a 'boy' that was so ugly that he's driven his parents to murder suicide. Again he's calling himself ugly and blaming himself for his parents death. (Were going to get back to that too.)

After murderface gets the surgery he days dream about what would happen if he was beautiful. Finally being accepted and able to say fuck you to all those that were shit to him.

Of course, it doesn't end like that. He's face gets infected and is even more ugly than before.

This episode was pretty messed up. Murderface didn't get what he thought would give him validation, he looks down on himself more, and he is humiliated front of 100s of people.

This whole shit show probably validated all the negative thoughts he had for himself.

Next we'll talk about his internalized homopobia. Murderface...is definitely..not straight. He's not gay either he does have sexual attraction to women but his uncomfortably and very interesting moments and visions say he might like more than just that.

Season 2 episode 5

Murderface has a weird thing with eating 'penis' shaped objects or watching other eating said shaped objects.

He has a lot of weird moments where he gets really close to one of his bandmates and just whispers something in their ear. Specifically Pickles and Skwisgaar.

He just said fuck it and tried to bang toki while they were in the submarine.

Had hallucinations of cutting between women, men, animals, even his own grandmother and was distraught when he had a small moment of admitting he way gay.

There's no real specific reason why or how murderface is this scared of being gay. But I feel it may also be with how he grew up. He was probably been told it was wrong to be gay and how immoral it was to like men and you'll burn in hell if you do. Also being gay wouldn't be 'brutal' or 'manly'.

And not to shit on metal heads but you know. They're not the...most..exclusive group of people.

I think murderface is scared to accept he's gay because his grandparents made him feel he would be a bad person if he was or get kicked out of the band if he was.

So, after all I laid on the table, let's wrap this up. Back to the blaming himself of his parents deth. I believe, Williams parents didn't kill/murder themselves because he has ugly. I like to think the opposite, I believe his parents actually dearly cared for him. I think his father had some serious mental issues or something else pushed him over the edge.

It could be anything really, maybe his dad was crazy, maybe it had something to do with the curse. I like to think they both cared for him his dad just..idk snapped.

I'm assuming murderface's grandparents are his dads parents. And seeing how they treated murderface they most definitely treated his dad the same.

Or, it wasn't murder/suicide at all. Buckle in because it's all tv theory over here. I have a hard time to believe that murderface remembered, in such detail in fact. How his parents died, in the flashback he looks to be 7 to 8 months? Traumatic event yes, but there's no way a baby can remember such a thing.

I think, Stella lied to murderface about how his parents died. I think it was just some evil twisted thing she said to make murderface feel terrible about himself. His parents probably unfortunately died in say a car accident or health related issues. But the main thing is how guilty murderface feels, how terrible he feels that he thinks he was the reason he killed his parents when that's far from the truth.

It was either an unfortunate accident or his father killing themselves. But it is not murderface's fault.

The physical abuse from his grandparents, the guilt of believing he's the reason for his parents death, his aggressive internalized homopobia, lack of support, the bullying from his bandmates, body issues/eating disorder, and it just keeps going.

It's no fucking wonder why the man is like this. Don't get me wrong, murderface is an asshole and is responsible for most of his actions.

But that's still a lot of shit for someone to go through.

That's all I have, this is really long. But I hoped you like this little thread. There's still more to his character but this is long enough.

#metalocalypse #william murderface #dethklok

[dropoutparty]

shurara corps ark fix-it concept babeyy!!

under a read more bc this shits long LOL

also this is kinda rambly but whatever

when it comes to shuraras motivations here, maybe he could have been another childhood friend of keroros. idk how they could have been introduced, maybe through pururu or just by meeting in school, but ig that part doesnt rlly matter. what DOES matter though is that shurara decided to tag along with keroro, giroro, zeroro, and pururu on one of their misadventures and he gets hurt during it. BADLY. pururu patches him up, and zeroro apologizes like crazy (since he knows how much this sucks), but shurara is left with a strong dislike of keroro and friends. except for pururu, who he still likes (but im not keeping the crush bc it serves no purpose here) and zeroro who he kinda forgives a little bit but just because he apologized so much. maybe this could have resulted in some major physical injury that affected how he lived for a while, or maybe it spawned a phobia, but either way it left an impact.

putata and mekeke are sent in first with the goal of beating up the platoon a little bit and taking the star because they are the most skilled team. shurara doesnt want the star because of some stupid bandaid, but he wants to take it in order to both deeply hurt keroros pride and also to potentially have his platoon no longer be officially recognized, taking away something that means a lot to keroro. they actually succeed in taking the keron star kinda. when they get back to base, they realize that the star is fake, its just a piece of fabric or paper with tape on it (like what happened in the original arcs ending). this way the shurara corps will be established as an actual threat and also the ending will have actual stakes.

gyororo sends word back to base that the keron star putata and mekeke got was fake, so giruru is sent in to ACTUALLY get the real star, as well as punish the platoon for embarrassing the corps like that. this one plays out kinda like the actual episode (bc im too lazy to think of anything else), but all that matters is that he still ends up captured.

after this, the platoon is like ok this might actually be serious so they go on high alert. one day dororo notices gyororo (who was sent in a little before putata and mekeke to scout the place out and gather info) bc hes the only competent member of the platoon and confronts him, outing his presence to everyone. gyororo fights back but he is also captured in the end.

after the platoon has captured giruru and gyororo , shurara plans to capture and torture a member of the platoon as revenge. before he can do this though, dokuku and nuii decide to rescue giruru and gyororo in secret. nuii serves as a distraction to everyone while dokuku goes to rescue the fellaz. theres some minor conflict but in the end the four of them escape. after that happens, shurara is furious about his subordinates disobeying him and doing things behind his back, but he keeps his goal the same.

im gonna change yukikis powers bc they kinda suck and hes confusing. anyways yukiki isnt actually a snowman, but hes the hat! kinda like in mario odyssey, you put the hat on anyone or anything, and it will immediately be controlled by yukiki. he was an experiment done to try to make a sentient object, and he got his name because he was first tested on a snowman (which also makes it the form hes most comfortable taking). anyways, shurara sends in yukiki to capture someone by taking control of them, but hes defeated somehow and returns empty-handed.

im also gonna change robobos powers a bit. with robobo i dont think that he should have the ability to turn people into electronics because thats dumb and doesnt make any sense, so im gonna give him the ability to just control other machines. he also doesnt have a giant form, and can switch his hands between their magnet form and their drill form. anyways, at this point shurara is furious and decides that he doesnt care about capture anymore, he wants the platoon dead. he decides to send robobo for the job because robots dont have the same margin of error that living things do, or at least theyre supposed to. turns out, they totally do bc robobo also comes back with a failure.

after this, shurara somehow lures the platoon to his base (just like in the anime) but this time everyone is waiting for them there in a big empty room together. shuraras disembodied voice gets a monologue like in the anime and the roof opens, lighting the room up because its a bright spring day. kagege then appears and takes control of the platoons shadows like in the anime! all of the shadows are used to fight the platoon, as well as the corps themselves fighting. its an epic fight, but just when it seems like the platoon is all gonna die, the corps suddenly decide to stop fighting. they all tell the platoon about how shurara has been acting worryingly erratic and obsessive, so they agree to spare the platoons life as long as they confront shurara. the platoon obviously agrees, and theyre taken to a holding area so that shurara thinks that theyve won. they give them this offer because theyre not personally invested in killing these nerds, they dont really care. they ARE worried about shurara though, seeing how obsessed with this hes become.

anyways kagege reports to shurara (in my headcanon hes like shuraras right hand man or something like that) and is like "we beat the platoon, but we didnt kill them. theyre our prisoners right now and were gonna torture them before we let you do the honors" and then shuraras like "poggers!!! thats a great idea!!" and then proceeds to drink his choccy milk and play minedcraft. meanwhile, some of the others are actually patching the platoon up and telling them what to do with shurara. they tell the platoon to try to hurt him as little as possible, and DEFINITELY dont fucking kill him, but just try to knock some sense into him and restrain him or something.

the platoon asks why shurara hates them so much and whoevers patching them up doesnt know, but kagege comes down soon after and tells them shuraras motivations. after this, some understanding can be felt by giroro and dororo (bc they were there, even tho dororo is the only one who remembers shirara like at all) and keroro feels kinda guilty but not too much bc head empty. later, the corps has a big celebration feast and shurara declares that hell painfully kill the platoon bright and early tomorrow. in all the commotion, nuii convinces gyororo to sneak down into the platoons holding cells to bring them some leftover food.

the next day, the platoon is brought to the same room that they fought the corps in, and theyre tied up. shurara is talkin abt how hes gonna kill them all super painfully and stuff but little does he know that the ropes holding the platoon are actually not secure at all (on purpose), so the platoon all escapes their bindings and a fight with shurara ensues. when the platoon is in a tight spot, one of the corps will show up real quick and help them out, kinda like a support in a fighting game. eventually, shurara is tied up and defeated technically.

shurara is whining and stuff and calling the corps a bunch of traitors, but the corps talk to him about how worried they all are about him and that this whole thing has gone too far (you rlly think these goobers are worth all this effort??). shurara says something about how keroro hurt him before, so he wants to hurt him and his platoon back. the corps are like ya i get that but killing them is wayy overkill no pun intended. keroro apologizes and maybe dororo can say something about how keroro also hurt him in the past but hes been able to move past that or whatever and shurara is like bro ur right and he starts crying like da babey he is lmao and there u have it!!! the arcs over and everyone is ok and happy!!! found family trope pog!!!!!!

#keroro gunso #sgt frog #shurara corps #i wont tag anyone lol #if anyone wants to like elaborate on or expand anything here go ham!! #also send it to me bc i wanna read that shit lksdfjlsd #im just sending this out into the ether but if u base somethign off of this idea id like to be credited #as if anyones gonna wanna do that psjdfksdjflk #anyways i hope this is good!! its way better than what we actually got imo but i might be biased

[im-actually-ok]

Fangs

Chapter one

Next

Masterlist

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Ships: Platonic DLAMPR

Word Count: 2276

Genre: Semi angst? Not really, uh hurt comfort? It's not fluff exactly but idk what to put here.

Warnings: Fangs, very slight body horror(the fangs), food, sleep deprivation (i think that’s it but if i missed anything please let me know so i can add it, thank you!!!)

——

“Experiment 4379, fangs,” Logan spoke into his audio recorder, holding it inches from his mouth as he did, “It has been proven that sides can alter their appearance completely to replicate others, I wish to see if a side could alter smaller traits of oneself. Today I shall try to alter my appearance in a minor way to test my theory, to test said theory I will attempt to give myself fangs because, as Remus has said, they are ‘dope as hell’,” he let go of the small button, pausing the recording for a moment to let out a small breath of, “here we go.”

He turned to cross the room to the small square mirror on the wall. He opened his mouth, moving one hand to prod at a tooth for a moment before closing his mouth and squeezing his eyes shut. He had only changed his appearance twice, both for one of Thomas’s videos, but he had never tried to change simply one thing and not on his own, he had had enough trouble returning to human form after the whole puppet thing.

He imagined the fangs in his mind. The sharpened teeth, similar to that of a wolf’s teeth but structured to fit inside a human mouth. He stumbled a little, catching himself on the desk under him. He was always a bit winded after changing, it took quite a bit of energy but while Thomas was recording he did a pretty good job of hiding it. Wait, does that mean it worked?

He stood up quickly, looking in the mirror once more, opening his mouth again and letting out a soft, breathed, happy laugh when he saw the sharp teeth between his parted lips. He moved a hand to prod at a tooth once more but quickly retracted his hand with a small hiss of pain. He saw a small bead of blood on his finger and watched it roll down to his hand. God, he had made these things really sharp, hadn't he?

He picked up his recorder, “experiment 4379 is a success! I was able to replace my teeth with a set of fangs quite easily, though it did take a bit more effort to pinpoint a specific trait, this should make future experiments much easier seeing as I will not have to beg Roman or Remus to take me to the imagination. I will have to conduct more experiments with the fangs later but for now I am going to retire, creating said fangs took quite a bit out of me. Not to self: figure out a way to maintain energy after a transformation. Now all I have to do is transform back which should not be a problem,” he let go of the small button, setting the recorder on the desk again before looking in the mirror once more, admiring his work before closing his eyes again. He imagined his regular old human teeth, focusing on it to try and shift his appearance once more.

He didn't feel anything though. He didn’t feel the usual exhaustion or small tingling sensation. He opened his eyes once more, opening his mouth to find the fangs. Hm. Odd.

He closed his eyes again, his hands gripping the edges of the desk as he squeezed them shut as hard as he could, focusing hard on the image in his mind. He focused on every small detail of the set of human teeth he imagined, trying to will them into existence. But when he opened his eyes once more he was met with the same sight.

Okay. This might be a problem.

----

Logan had tried everything. After an hour of trying to change his teeth back, he finally decided to try and find-- alternate methods. He tried to file them down with one of Roman’s nail files and when it didn’t he used the metal one he used for his work. It did nothing. He was starting to get worried and ended up trying to chew on a rock. The rock broke. He had definitely done something wrong because these were not normal fangs. He was getting desperate. Logan eventually got to the point where he simply tried to pull them out but they would not budge.

God, what would everyone think if they saw? Not only was he now a freak, but he had failed to get himself out of a predicament he had caused due to his foolish curiosity. No. No they could not see, he would not let them.

He stayed in his room for days on end, running on only coffee and crofters though the organic fruit spread was hard to eat with his sharpened teeth. He continued to try different things, trying to find some sort of way to fix this but all of his attempts had failed.

He was currently lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling with a sigh. His hair was ruffled from running his hands through it and his tie that was simply draped around his shoulders. He took off his glasses to rub his eyes, letting his hand hold them loosely as it hung over the side of the bed.

Then he heard a knock.

He shot up in bed, eyes flying open as he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He cleared his throat and called out a small, “who is it?” with a voice crack that made him inwardly wince.

“Uh, hey Lo! It’s Patton! Could ya open the door?” Patton asked, his voice hesitant.

“I’m-- I’m a bit tied up at the moment, Patton. Do you need something?” Logan lied, standing and moving across the room, placing his glasses on the bridge of his nose and pushing them up.

“Come on, Pocket Protector, I can hear you moving around in there,” He heard Roman call. Wait, Roman?

“Roman? You are here as well?” Logan asked, turning to face the closed door from across the room.

“Yeah, we’re all here, Lo,” Virgil said, “Well, most of us. Remus is kinda headless in the imagination but he would be here if he could be.”

So they were all there? Why? “I apologize but I cannot come to the door right now, if you have a concern you can tell me here or you could wait until I am done, if you would like.”

“Of course I’m concerned, you’ve been in your room forever,” Patton said softly

“Patton, I have been in here for a few days, you know I have a lot of work, this is not the first time I have done this so you should not be concerned,” He said plainly, sitting on the edge of his desk.

“Logan you’ve been in there for a week now,” Janus said with a tad of force in his voice that made Logan choke on air.

A week?! How could he let himself lose track of time like that?! He ran a hand through his hair once again in a slight panic. What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to tell them!?

“Lo? Buddy? You still there?” Pat asked, moving a bit closer to the door until he was inches away.

“I-- yeah,” he moved to open the door, moving a hand to hover near his mouth as he pulled it open.

Patton gave a small gasp and Virgil winced back at the sight of Logan, Janus simply gave Logan an up and down as he surveyed how terrible Logan looked and Roman just said, “Holy hell, what happened to you?”

“I have been-- busy,” he said, covering his mouth slightly to ensure no one saw, “But I almost finished and I will be back to normal shortly, I promise.”

Patton noticed the way Logan had covered his mouth, but he didn’t question it. He sighed and nodded, “yeah, ok, just-- get some sleep tonight, ok?”

Logan nodded, “I assure you, I will.”

----

He did not. He was up all night again. He stood in the mirror, tying the tie around his neck and pulling it up around his neck tightly before combing his hair and straightening out his shirt.

He opened his mouth again, brushing over one of the fangs lightly, as to not cut himself again. He sighed, moving to tuck a pack of flashcards into his back pocket before making his way to the door. He let himself take in a deep breath before opening the door and entering the hall. Here we go.

He moved down the hall and down the stairs where he was met with a beaming Patton, “Morning, Logan! It's nice to see you out of your room!” he said with a small relieved huff.

Logan smiled with a closed mouth and whipped out a flash card that read ‘whatup dawg?’ and held it out to Patton.

Patton looked momentarily confused but simply let out a soft chuckle before saying, “I dunno, what is up with you?-- dawg?” in a quite awkward and choppy manner.

Logan simply nodded and shrugged before moving on, past the living room into the kitchen. Patton watched him as he did with a curious look, Logan was never this quiet, was something wrong?

Logan moved to the fridge, pulling it open and searching through it and letting out a small annoyed huff when he couldn’t find his--

“Looking for this, Microsoft Turd?” Roman asked with a laugh, holding up Logan’s jar of Crofter’s Organic.

Logan shot Roman a look as he closed the fridge, pulling out a flash card that said ‘that’s not very gucci of you’ and flipping it over to reveal the other side that said ‘Throw that back my way’.

Roman laughed, “Wow, prepared today, aren’t we?” and then he simply waited for Logan to respond, but his coy mocking smile fell a little as Logan continued to simply stare at him with annoyed eyes. Roman frowned a little under Logan’s gaze, waiting for him to say something, anything, “Geez, teach, sorry, didn’t mean to press your buttons,” he said awkwardly, not exactly sure how to feel, “uh- here, you can have this back,” Roman tossed the jar at Logan. Bad idea.

Logan was surprised and stumbled to try and catch it, but he had never been the best at catching anything, so it was no surprise when it slipped through his fingers and smashed on the ground.

Roman gasped a little and instantly started uttering small apologies, he just wanted to mess with him a little bit, not break and waste the entire jar!

Logan simply stared down at the floor, first in surprise, then in anger. Goddamn it, Roman! He felt himself bare his teeth a bit as he stared at the broken glass on the floor and even felt a small growl rise in his throat. Wait? A growl?

Logan stopped himself, standing up straight again and clearing his throat before turning away from Roman, making sure the other could not see his mouth but covering it slightly with his hand, just in case, “I am going to retire to my room, do not wait for me to eat, good night,”

“It’s-- It’s 3:30, Logan,” Roman stuttered out, slightly dumbfounded that the side in front of him was leaving to go to sleep so early.

“Good night,” Logan repeated, a tad more aggressively.

“Logan I’m-- I’m sorry, I wasn't thinking, Im-”

“I said good night,” he said, almost turning to bare his teeth at Roman, but he knew better. He simply covered his mouth and continued to move back up to his room, past a confused and speechless Patton and up the stairs. Not like he would have really been able to actually eat the jelly, though. It was so hard to eat anything soft with these fangs.

----

“Logan?” Virgil asked softly, tapping his knuckles lightly against the door.

Logan was sitting at his desk with his head in his hands, frustrated about what had happened earlier and about the fact that he couldnt get these stupid fangs out! “Can I help you?” he asked, just loud enough for Virgil to hear.

“Uh- we were just wondering if you-- if you’d come down for dinner? Eat with us?” He asked in a hesitant manner.

He couldn't go down to dinner, they would see his fangs! He just couldn't! But he hadn’t eaten in quite a while and he couldn’t simply refuse to eat with the others and then take food up to eat by himself, then they would know something was up. How could he say no? How could he say yes!?

“Lo? You still there?”

Logan sighed a bit and nodded even though he knew VIrgil couldn’t see him, “Yeah. I am still here,” he moved a hand up to rub his eyes under his glasses, “I’ll-- I’ll be down in a little bit. Is that alright?”

“O-of course, take your time,” Virgil said before slinking back down the hall, away from Logan’s door. Something was wrong. They could all tell. The way Logan hid in his room, covered his mouth when he was speaking recently, heck, he growled at Roman! So yeah, maybe they were trying to figure out what was wrong, and maybe they were trying to see what Logan was hiding, and maybe they were being paranoid but come on! This just isn’t like Logan! What were they supposed to do?! Talk to him like normal people!? Of course not!

Was Virgil worried out of his mind? Yes. Yes he was.

But he was coming to dinner, that was a step in the right direction, and they could put their plan into motion.

----

Author's Notes!: I kind of forgot about this fic that I wrote a while ago but I never finished, just thought I’d post it to see if anyone wanted to read the second half cuz then I would write it. Enjoy i guess!!!

#because i can #my fics #sanders sides #thomas sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #fangs #tw fangs #slight body horror #tw slight body horror #food #tw food #sleep deprivation #tw sleep deprivation #fangs Au

[act-addict-actors-matchups]

@navi-chan said,

(♡1♡) Hello ˃ᴗ˂ I wanna know who I match up with in A3 Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ I'm a Virgo and IFJT girl living her life at the moment. I know and think things that are apparently weird (idk why) that makes my friends question on what I do when I'm alone (✿◠‿◠). I'm exactly 5 ft for now (still growing), wavy shoulder-length black hair and I have a fair skin tone cuz I don't like the sun too much XD. I love and enjoy to draw and read stories and articles that captivates my interest.

(♡2♡) I like to travel cuz I want to know the place and it's culture especially its art. I also like to sleep cuz whenever I'm alone and have nothing to do I would feel lonely that is why I tend to sleep the loneliness away. And, I love-hate cuddles (don't attack me pls ( ˃̵⌓˂̵)). LOVE cuz I would feel sense of comfort with the person. HATE cuz I feel like the person might disappear or will leave me behind and I would feel lonely again. Well, that's all (❁´▽`❁)

✧ Tumblr is not letting me tag you. 😔 I hope you’ll see this. Honestly, I really wanted to match you with Azuma but ‘I’m still growing part’ made me feel like you’re a minor so I couldn’t. I can be wrong though lol. Sorry for taking so long and thank you for requesting a matchup, love. 💞✨

I’d match you with: . . .

➜ HOW YOU TWO FIRST MET ; It was a hot summer day and for some reason you’ve made it into your personal mission to do random acts of kindness for the people who were a total stranger to you. So far, you’ve helped old people cross the street, helped someone load their groceries and left a copy of that days’s newspaper on your neighbor’s doorstep. You had to admit, it was a productive day and it wasn’t even midday yet! With your accomplishments for the day, you decided to treat yourself something cold, like ice cream or soda. Just the thought itself made you smile. With a nod of your head, you began walking towards the area that had the shops in it. While walking, you caught a glimpse of a boy in front of vending machine, sulking. He was wearing a short sleeved shirt with black and white patterns on it and a black shalwar like leggings. Ah, you knew what the problem was. The vending machines in this area were famous for eating the coins of people. You were a victim of them yourself many, many times. But with some brain power, you managed to come up with a single move that can get the snack or drink you’ve wanted. You were already on a kindness roll so you might as well help another person out. With a smile on your face, you cleared your throat and shot the boy a knowing look. “Allow me.” You have said before hitting a specific spot with your hip and bam! one of the sodas has dropped. Sticking your arm in, you grabbed the cold beverage and tossed it to the boy, who was looking at you with shining eyes. “Eh!? That was so cool! Teach me how to do it!” A giggle escaped from your lips at how enthusiastic he was being. You could basically see a tail behind him, wagging with anticipation. With a small shake of your head, you flashed a knowing grin as you took a coin out of your pocket and popped it into the machine, pressing the numbers of the drink you’ve wanted. You were planning on buying something cold anyway and this was more convenient for you too. And just as you thought, even though the vending machine took your money, it didn’t give you the drink. You hit the machine one more time and grabbed your drink after it fell down. You popped open the can and took a sip, turning your attention to the red head afterwards, you began to explain how hitting that exact spot was important and if he messed it up even just a little, the money would go to waste. With every word left your mouth, he nodded with serious eyes. After you were done, you took another coin and basically sacrificed it. “Alrighty, it’s now your turn. Give it your best shot!” You said before stepping aside and giving the boy a thumbs up. “Yes, ma’am.” He said before hitting the machine and successfully making the can of soda fall. His bright blue eyes lit up as he throw his fist up. “Hey, I did it! I really did it!” “Haha, congratulations. Make sure to use that power for good.” “You can count on me!” After that exchange you two grabbed your cans of sodas and sat on a nearby bench. He told you that his name was Taichi Nanao, he was a student at Ouka High School and an actor at Mankai Company. After that, you introduced yourself and you two just chatted about whatever came to mind until it was around three pm. Taichi was first to leave since he had practice with Autumn Troupe around an hour later but he didn’t leave without getting your phone number, which you happily gave without much thought.

➜ PERSONALITY COMPATIBILITY ; Taichi is like a puppy, often noisy and upbeat so there is never a dull moment when you two are together. Don’t ever worry about him leaving you behind because he is so whipped for you. In fact, I feel like you both might fear that whole ‘my significant other is to good for me what if they leave me all of a sudden?’ more than necessary. Yes, I said both of you because let’s not forget that under that positive attitude of his, Taichi actually has very low self esteem. What I’m trying to say is words of affirmation and physical touch is your canon love languages, although the later happened less in your earlier stage of relationship. IFJT people are often perfectionists with extremely high standards of performance for themselves so whenever you’re too harsh on yourself having a chill & silly boyfriend would calm you down or whenever he needs to get serious about something (ex. schoolwork because let’s face it, he’s the type of person who does his homework at the very last moment be it on the breakfast table or while the teacher is collecting them) you’re there making sure he’s not destroying his future academically. Those are just basic examples but in short, you two just balance each other out very nicely. Please just marry each other. 🥺

➜ SHARED ACTIVITIES ; Since apparently you do things that are considered weird, now you have a partner by your side to do those things. I feel like the both of you would totally be up to having intense conversations with pets, rating total strangers out of ten or texting each other weird things even though you're in the same room. If not, I can see you two going to a convenience store, buying the magazines that catches your eyes, sitting back to back or with him laying down on his back and you on top of him, making a + form and reading articles until one of you gets bored. If you’ve seen Taichi’s doodle he made in the notebook, you’d know that the boy is at the very least decent at drawing, so even though he might get bored quickly, he would do his best to draw with you. Since you don’t like the sun very much, if he wants to go outside with you he’d wait until late afternoon-evening. When it comes to outdoor dates the first thing came to my mind was amusement park date. Can you imagine how fun it would be to go on the rides with him??? I headcanon that Taichi loves rollercoasters so you bet he’s gonna beg your to go with him. If you freak out, he lets out a laugh and you feel his arm wrap around your waist, pulling you back against him, his other hand is stretched up to the sky.

➜ ZODIAC COMPATIBILITY ; Taichi’s birthday is on October 11 which makes him a Libra. Considering that Libra and Virgo are zodiac neighbours, it goes without saying that the two will be compatible. While Libra is an air sign, and Virgo is an earth sign, the two are as disconnected as they are connected. Virgo is duty-bound and nurturing. While Libra is also a sign that will do what needs to be done, their priority will be more on the reality than the idealistic acts. When Virgo and Libra join together in a love match, it can be like puting two puzzle pieces together. Each locks into the other and sits comfortably in place. Both Signs seek security in partnership, and they share a love of beauty and culture. They can work together efficiently and smoothly because they desire similar rewards. The Virgo-Libra relationship may trickle along in the beginning, but it will rev up once both partners grow to respect one another. Just like any other pairing, this pairing has its own set of pros and cons. Both these personality types have a tendency to be very similar to each other. As such, the suggestion would always be to give this relationship a shot. However, another advice would be to keep your eyes open. While loyalty is the way for both these signs, triggers for a change of duty may be something as simple as their partner not putting the toilet seat down. All the best!

#act! addict! actors! #a3! matchup #taichi nanao

[fma2003-fmab-stuff]

One aspect of sticking up for FMA03 (and believe me, I will put myself out on the front lines if need be) that never felt right was the whole "maturity" aspect. Specifically, how this term has become very nebulous when it comes to evaluating genre fiction as a whole and often gets used in a sort of "my tastes in fiction are far superior to your plebeian tastes." Yes, the Brotherhood side does it too but two wrongs do not make a right in this case especially. Sorry if I'm... unloading on you.

Before I say anything, I’ll just start off with this:

As far as “maturity” goes, there are honestly times I think Brotherhood is more so than 03 and equally vice versa, so I definitely don’t think it’s good argument to use to trash either series with myself. 

But I’m personally on the neutral side of this entire argument. I’m not going to claim Mangahood to be the ‘weaker’ one of the two simply because of what people label as “maturity”(which is a simple matter of what a specific individual themselves labels as such), and in my opinion, both series have equal strengths and weaknesses and what one series lacks the other makes up for and vice versa(at least in my opinion).

Lowart on Youtube has done a really good job at explaining the faults of both series in his FMA analysis videos, and he does a much better job at explaining it than I probably ever could, but I’ll give some of my own thoughts on the matter.

This is just me, not a direct attack on the series, nor is it a way of saying that one series is inherently “better” than the other because of it(because in the end opinion is opinion and everybody has different takes and feelings on things. But, sometimes, I do personally have minor issues with some of Mangahood’s Comedy. Of course, I also have issues with 03′s comedy sometimes too though, so I’m not claiming it to be innocent or anything, it’s just that 03 doesn’t have nearly as many comedic scenes as Brotherhood, so I tend to notice it more in Brotherhood. 

Don’t get me wrong. Brotherhood has some hilarious moments, and fantastic humor, when the time is right. 

Like just to name a few: 

- Bradley, of all people, trying to skip out on his work and catch a breather away from his bodyguards.

- Ling, just Li NG. His intro, and just every comedy scene with him is PERFECT.

- Scar wanting to pet Xiao Mei.

- Alphonse and Xiao Mei’s moments together - both adorable and Hilarious

- Alphonse saying they should feed Roy to Gluttony, and everybody calling Roy useless, and the interactions with Roy and Ed

- The humor in the Nina episode, which is honestly fantastically written, something I’ve actually discussed before in another post(heck, I even felt the comedy with Nina and the Elrics in Brotherhood was so good that the comedy in 03 for that specific scenario wasn’t as strong or satisfying, even though the 03 Nina event did better in other ways).

- Some of the scenes with Hughes and Roy

And there are others too but I won’t go on to list them all. 

So my issue doesn’t lie with the argument of “maturity” or comedy in the end, but more in terms of tonal consistency and the timing. 

For example, if there’s a particular incident I can think of that I personally preferred the way 03 handled it over all, it was the reveal about the philosopher’s stone and the ingredients to make one. I was going to bring up Yock Island and how 03 handled that far closer to the manga and just how it played out(with how Mason’s presence and purpose was next to completely erased in Brotherhood), but I feel like that would be a bit of an unfair comparison for this post, so I will go with the latter.

Take the Brother’s situation into consideration first. They lost their mother, and in trying to bring her back, Ed lost his leg and later his arm when Al lost his entire body. They’ve been through so many terrible things and faced so many misfortunes on their journey while searching through thick and thin for the past few years to correct the worst mistake they ever made in their life. Edward and Alphonse have been living with all that guilt for so long about this, so their losses shouldn’t just be treated of as if it’s not really that big of a thing, like their goal isn’t really that important to them(they literally burned down their house and left behind their home town for that goal after all). However, with that said, Ed and Al uncover the meaning behind Marco’s research notes, and yes at first they are horrified to find out that the thing they’ve been searching for since starting their journey can only be made by sacrificing human lives. 

So many people the Brothers knew up until then had already lost their lives. Trisha, Nina, Winry’s Parents… And even Alphonse nearly lost his own(;Ed almost lost his Brother). Needless to say, the brothers understand all too well the value of a human life and just how precious it is. To find out that numerous people had been killed for the creation of the very thing that they’ve been looking for all those years… It would have been revolting, horrifying. And their initial reaction in both 03 and Mangahood was just that. 

But the way the events play out is so different, mostly in tone and how the brothers come to terms with the matter. 

In 2003, we’re able to sit for a while and are able to look at things from Edward’s perspective and what he was feeling (Although I did personally have an issue with the way Alphonse tried to move on from it like it was next to nothing and encourage Edward to do the same, but he tends to do that in 03 a lot, just like he did back when Nina died, I guess it’s part of the compartmentalization thing I discussed before. Still, I can understand if somebody has issue with that.)

Ross is a major support in the whole situation and actively encourages him to continue his research despite knowing as much as she did at that point. She doesn’t start talking as though she got herself “into something dangerous”, even though she’s definitely unsettled by the matter. In front of Edward and Alphonse, she puts her own feelings aside putting on a strong face for the boys, giving Edward an inspirational speech that isn’t over exaggerated and just feels… natural and right to the tone and mood of the whole situation. Which manages to perk him up. Heck, she even offers to look into the matter herself. 

Meanwhile, in Brotherhood and the Manga, it’s Armstrong who does the perking up. Whereas in 03, Ross feels that it might be better to not get him involved on the matter, so she keeps him in the dark about it, in Mangahood, Armstrong overhears Ross and Denny talking about the matter right behind him(as if he wouldn’t hear them), Ross and Denny can’t keep a lid on it, and Alex then gives his stereotypical over-dramatic entry, bursting into the room and giving an exaggerated speech about the Brothers finding out about the truth of the Philsopher’s stone and how sad it was, which personally I didn’t care for, because the tonal change felt forced and out of place for me. Of course, for some this wasn’t a bad thing. For some, they actually preferred Brotherhood’s tension breaker, so it really just depends on the person and their preferences. 

And 03 has it’s own fair share of this kind of thing too so I’m not saying this is only Brotherhood that does it. Like when it came to Armor Barry’s intro. Barry, the serial killer who had, as a human, kidnapped Winry, and attempted to kill both her and Edward, leaving Edward in tears due to the trauma… Despite finding out that that was who it was… Alphonse’s reaction was pretty neutral on the whole thing and that’s one specific scenario of Al being calm through everything in 03 that just really bugs me. And for them to still have comedy with Barry on top of this… Idk. In Brotherhood, this wasn’t nearly as much of an issue, since Al even didn’t know Barry before that. 

There are times, that I just like a more solemn or at least sensitive take on things.  But it can’t always be said that what is more “serious” to me is always “serious” to you. It’s all a matter of the viewer’s taste 

And the most important thing that should be said:

These differences don’t inherently make either adaptation more ‘valid’ than the other.

Even Izumi’s blood vomiting… 

I definitely respect the tragic approach 03 takes with it, as there is a huge sense of urgency and severity about it. But Mangahood also had its own sense of seriousness (like in the flashback with Izumi transmuting her child) while still having a more comedic approach on it, which wasn’t always necessarily bad (minus the joke about her wiping her blood on somebody else which is honestly gross and I’m glad didn’t make it to Brotherhood).

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I feel like this humorous side in Mangahood helped give Izumi a sense of agency to say that she’s making the best of it, and remaining strong against the odds of her condition (kind of like All Might from MHA) It additionally reminds me of Toph from ATLA who is blind but can still joke and be jabbed at without it feeling too offensive. You feel bad for her, and you have a lot of respect for her, but you also can’t help but chuckle a little about her stubbornness.) In most cases, they’re both thought provoking takes on the matter, and neither is wrong.

 I just do personally have issue with sudden tonal changes at points (not chibi moments in battle, but in other scenes like I’ve discussed), but in the end that’s just me, because many others have claimed that they personally like Brotherhood better in its humor while others have said the exact opposite. Really, it just depends on the individual, and their interpretation.

All though I will be honest and say that I’m not a fan of slapstick. Winry hitting Ed with a wrench happens in Brotherhood a lot, while it happens in 2003 like two times(one of which Winry even apologizes). But honestly, in the end, I just ignore the comedy of both series that I don’t like because there’s plenty of stuff that I do like, and both tackle some very mature themes.

Anyway, sorry this got so long. It’s 4:50 AM, so my thoughts may seem a little jumbled and present the wrong message. Bottom line is I love both.

#fma #fma 2003 #fma 03 #fmab #fma brotherhood #Fullmetal Alchemist #Full Metal Alchemist #FULLMETAL #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood #Fullmetal Alchemist Manga

[princess--catherine]

Maybe y’all will hate me for this, I’m all for women’s rights and the Me Too movement but has it maybe taken a turn it shouldn’t have? I can already feel the hatred

Just in the past couple weeks I’ve seen at least 3 “predators/rapists exposed”, and after looking into it I saw no predatory behavior to expose that was given. And people are losing their shit over this “cancelation?” The evidence for this one? “Had a minor backstage”...you think that didn’t and doesn’t currently happen with idk, every Disney star EVER and boy band on the radio? I’m sure a portion of Billie Eilish fans who’s parents buy backstage passes are REAL young, is she cancelled too? Since when does having a minor in your presence = any type of sexual behavior? This allegation causally mentions “backstage minor” and quickly moves to “predator” with no cohesion there. Since when does an adult simply being around a minor automatically make you guilty of doing sick shit? The “evidence” shown was pretty pathetic: cropped and blocked out texts with no name as to who it’s from, no name but said star predator, no time stamp or date, no pics, no voice memos, no emails, no proof of any kind that there was any truth to the claims, no detail, no real allegation actually even made from what I saw. Unless the “so and so did this” part was in invisible ink. I could literally google the date of a ‘insert famous person here’ concert or general tour dates, and do the same with a texting app or with someone else’s phone. This is an Accusation on someone of a serious sex crime on the sole basis maybe 5 texts, some of which are hidden, and ALL of which are anonymous, detail no criminal activity, are never worth ending or attempting to make sure someone’s career over.

Another one I saw was an explanation that another social media person made a somewhat crude comment/gusture towards a woman he knew but wasn’t super familiar with. One time, no actual touching. He was later told by a friend “not cool, other lady friend did not like”, he did as he should have and apologized, and it didn’t happen again- admittedly on both sides. The two girls told him everything was cool and okay, no harm no foul, don’t worry about it. It didn’t happen again and the friendship continued. Days later, “evidence” comes out from one of them citing him as a sexual predator for this situation. This incident. Yeah, it’s not cool to get in peoples space or compliment them in certain ways if your friendship is not on that level and it hasn’t been established. That I agree with, that it simply wasn’t very polite, but a) no one was actually touched physically in anyway and b) the “crude” comment from my understanding was about an outfit fitting her well or being firm fitting. Yeah, that might make ya feel a lil icky, but there was no sexual suggestion or threat. There’s a huge difference between unwanted attention and sexual harassment. Someone else later gets involved but says she’s “not comfortable/willing to discuss” but still insists he’s a predator but doesn’t show a single shred of any involvement or information. If I was these people being falsely accused, getting death treats and doxxed, and ultimately, “cancelled”/therefore loss of income possibly long term , with basically no evidence or someone saying shit like “yes, that’s a predator. Nobody gets to know why I’m saying that though. I don’t want to relive it, my bad. You horrible people need to stop supporting this sex offender!” I’d be sueing the shit out of someone and everyone for slander. Like this is unreal to me. It really blows my mind.

Before you message me hateful shit, hear me out. I’m not saying these guys are stand up, amazing, perfectly well behaved dudes. I’m not saying they’ve never done anything predatory or wrong before in their lives or careers. Lord knows narcissistic and higher than thou types run entertainment. I’m sure they all got their attitude and behavioral problems. I’m just saying the info I just read and described is almost nothing being real generous, no rational person sees that and labels someone a sex offender. You’re accusing someone of a very serious crime, in a lot of cases a fat ole felony, being a RSO list sometimes for a lifetime. Bill Cosby? Deserve it. Weinstien? Deserve it. Epstein? Deserved to be under the jail. I understand there’s not always physical evidence, or maybe there’s not enough to build a case/a case is unwanted by victim. Some say they want people to know and be warned. If that’s what you truly want, you truly truly are trying to protect others, go in 150%. Everything you got. But when this person publicly and openly calling someone out by name for being a “rapist/sexual predator”, absolutely dragging them thru the mud, and the reasoning, the justification for this is that he was dating other women? nah sis. That’s not how this works, getting played, while scummy, is NOT RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT/etc. (*this is excluding things that don’t apply to this particular story like recanting consent or knowingly passing on an STI) So sure, he’s a probably a POS, clearly unloyal, he’s maybe learned the art of sweet talkin his way into this one way monogamous relationship, and I frankly wouldnt feel bad if one of those girls who got played popped 3 of his tires, bought a fuck ton of spiders and sneak them into his bedroom or something. But not jail or prison. What he did (unless other info comes out) isn’t something to be uplifted or encouraged, it’s poor, unfair behavior. But what he did is not CRIMINAL. It’s just shitty and inconsiderate. And I know y’all are reading this thinkin “fuck this bitch”, making assumptions before you read a fraction of what I’m saying.

So let me explain a situation I was accidentally involved in a few years ago with someone who was “famous” around those parts and had lots of fans and groupies. Let’s call him “Lee”. Long story short, a friend and I were with him and different other people basically from like 8-9 pm to around 4 am. He was alone (out of my sight) only 3 times: once to use the bathroom at my friends before leaving, once in the men’s bathroom at a club, and for maybe 5 minutes when I had to change at my friends place before going back over. They lived in the same complex and stuff so it was basically throwing on some sweats and taking an elevator down. We hangout, drink, smoke, talk. Lowkey, chill.

I wake up the next day, someone texted me this link about “Lee” raping a girl. I’m thinking “holy shit, that’s scary and insane, we were just with him last night drinking and shit.” Keep reading...it says it was the night before. Same date we were with him. And the time the assault supposedly took place was when we had come back to his place, where other people were already there, we were sitting there forever talking/whatever, this girl who pointed the finger was not even in the room and left before we did. She poked her head in once and asked where Lee’s roommate was. He told her cookout, it’s late so it’ll be a minute. Asked her if she wanted to hang out with us. She declined. So I figured maybe this info was wrong somehow and at the time I wasn’t making the connection between that girl and this story. I was like, no way a girl would lie about that of all things and especially knowing it’d likely get picked up by the local media, or at least local gossip. Her life here would be over. My friend and I decided to go talk to the police even though I avoid the damn police at all costs. The first thing I asked this officer was: “are you POSITIVE this is the date, place, and time, and are you POSITIVE “Lee” is who she is accusing?” And I asked that mostly because I was not about to defend or vouch for someone about a situation I wasn’t present for. Also, I wasn’t the biggest fan of “Lee”, so I sure as shit I wasn’t getting myself involved and going to bat for him without knowing it’s right. The Officer was very adamant that all that info was correct, victim was very sure. I explained to him everything I explained above, but I’m sure in better detail and included texts, pics, videos all with times, plus receipts showing how this isn’t adding up. He wasn’t alone the entire night and early morning. Officer ask me if she (the victim) was visiting a roommate of Lee’s, if they were sleeping together during her visit, I told him the truth which was that I didn’t really know for sure but it was a possibility. He told me somebody else had claimed she was no longer welcome for unknown reasons and believed this to be be related. I explain to the officer that I won’t speak on her time with the roommate because I saw her only long enough for her to ask a question and respond to another. Before she peeped out the door, I had no clue anyone was in there. I said I think she told me her name but I’m awful with names even sober so. He started getting kinda hostile and cutting me short. I repeated exactly what I told him the first time: I’m only speaking on what I witnessed and what I know to be true. So, if you and she are correctly reciting the time, place, person being accused, this accusation is untrue. He first makes a bitchy threat like “you know these girls who lie for these athlete boys can really get in trouble? They all end up broke after the NFL anyway if they even make it. Lying for a friend is illegal, that’s breaking the law and will get YOU in jail.” I lost all my fear of speaking to a police officer at this point because they KNOW this man did not just call me a liar to my face despite my 1:2 of the evidence already fucking up this accusation. I told him that I honestly wasn’t a fan either professionally or personally of “Lee” and I would lie for no one regardless of friendship or status about this, I’d turn in my own flesh and bloood brother and sing like a bird if I caught him doing any sex offender shit. So again, I told this slow man with 2 braincelle this was the reason I asked about how sure he was and he believed the victim was, on the time, place, person, etc. Officer says something along the lines of “well, something happened to this girl and this boy’s gonna be hurtin for it. Someone’s getting charged here.” Which I dunno bout y’all, maybe I’m reading it wrong. But What I gathered from that is: “I’ve decided to be judge and jury in this situation and moreorless declare this young man guilty despite evidence in front of my own eyeballs that shows that there is a good chance the accused is innocent.

I have no idea why this happened. But after we spoke to that dickhead cop it was dropped relatively quickly. I don’t remember now if she pulled the charges herself or the state denied to prosecute. And even still, this followed him. The internet is forever. When his great grandkids google his college career, that will show up. Please keep in mind this was a black athlete, playing ball for a big college in the south, with a white girl accuser, all the cops I saw at that station were white in the short time I was there and at least the one I spoke to had his mind made up. He was loud and clear about that. He said basically the same to my friend who was interviewed separately, that he was determined to convict him, he was “the one”. This city I’m speaking of has been sued for police brutality against BPOC and I’ve heard my friends/classmates getting called the N word (hard ER) in the broad, open day light. So yeah add that info in with the rest and come to your own conclusion.

Before anyone comes for my throat again: idk exactly what DID happen but I know what DID NOT. Which to be clear, is pretty specifically: this rape with this person, did not happen here and at this time. So I’m not saying something didn’t happen but under different circumstances. I know trauma can mess with memories and if something did happen under different circumstances, I am so sorry that happened to her, I wouldn’t wish sexual assault on my worst enemy. I’m also not saying she necessarily had ill intentions or knew it would proceed and go viral as it did. The point is I just don’t know, no clue. Not throwing any blame or shade her way, all blame and shade on that cop though. ACABs, no excuse for his ass.

Anyway, y’all don’t gotta believe this since it’s been a few years and I highly doubt that stuff is anywhere in my phone like 4 iPhones and two laptops later. No reason to front, I don’t gain anything by lying but a guilty conscience. But this scenario that I btw, very much did not wish to be a part of, showed me another side of things. Can we agree to yes of course, trust and support women but also trust evidence and testimony? While, yes, stats show few women lie about this, can we at the same time understand questioning and thoroughly investigating such a heinous crime? Can we also recognize the system is literally built to “serve & protect” some by severely and systematically oppressing others? There are people, too many damn people, who have lost absolutely everything, served major time in big boy maximum security 23-1s, and have been put to death, based on biases and little to no evidence.

Next time you see an accusation, regardless of what it is, please do a little research. Make your own conclusion. Put yourself in their shoes, would you want to be “convicted” (either legally or through SM bullshit) on a snip it of convo with almost no information/context? Called a rapist cause you led someone on? No. You wouldn’t. Actually for any crime for that matter. You would reasonably ask and expect for it to be fair, two sided, and with as much evidence or info as possible. So let’s treat musicians, athletes, influencers, celebs the same way. Let’s not condemn before gathering as much information as possible. If not, I am so afraid we will drive an innocent person to suicide. We would all feel so guilty if someone was driven to suicide over false or misleading statements. Let’s avoid this, please.

#2020 #people aint gon like this one #assault #SA #metoo #accusations #incarceration #also most importantly ACABs

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #175

“imagine living like a king someday, a single night without a ghost in the walls.”

Have you ever had a teacher hit on you? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen your ex’s new partner? If so, what do you think of them? I don't know or care if he currently has one. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months? Done it twice now, it's not difficult if you're picky and serious with who you date. Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? Well my mom was somewhat aware of things that were happening. What was the last piece of candy you ate? Good question. I got my tongue re-pierced because of a bar length issue with swelling, and now this one is just shy of long enough to disable me from biting down entirely (they're snake eyes, so across the tip). I'm only just getting back into eating soft things very slowly unless I want pain, so candy's a no. I have to wait no less than three weeks to get a correctly-sized bar, and it's only been just over one aaaahhh. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? No. Is your room painted or wallpapered? Painted. What is the best kind of pizza in your opinion? I'm an American I stan them meat lovers. Is there something that someone has done to you that you cannot forgive? No. Well actually idk, I still don't know for *sure* if I forgive him. Like I'm completely over it and it no longer affects me, but I could never ever ever ever look at him even remotely the same or even consider trusting him. I don't think that's supposed to happen when you forgive someone. Have you ever broken a plate/bowl? Accidentally by dropping. What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? I don't think so. Do you know anyone who has a homosexual parent? No. What type of music could this world live without? Pure screamo (no, not as a carpet term for metal). Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. Who’s the last person you cried over? Does myself count? Did the house you grew up in have a fence? Yeah, but not all around. What’s your YouTube channel name? 0zzkat. Who of your FB friends has the cutest toddler(s)? Uhhhh idk. Anastasia's baby girl is pretty cute, I guess. Did you decorate pumpkins this year? No. :/ They were totally gone the day we were gonna get one (the day before Halloween so no, we weren't that surprised lmao). What’s the craziest color you’d dye your hair? More like what color WOULDN'T I dye it? What’s the coolest hobby one of your friends has? Uhhh. Idk. Name a video game you can play over and over again? Shadow of the Colossus. I've beaten it around 30 times. Would be more if I didn't lose the disc, buuut it's actually coming in the mail now! What is something that will make you laugh instantly? Don't show me that fucking Linkin Park "crawling in my crawl" worm video. Name a movie you wouldn’t watch solely based on its name? None come to mind. What’s your dearest souvenir? *shrugs* What was the last strong scent you smelled? Probably coffee bc of Mom. Have you ever been in an unconventional relationship (long distance, polyamorous, same gender, age gap, etc)? If so, what challenges did this relationship present, and were they worth overcoming? Long instance + same-sex simultaneously. Distance is fucking hard when you really want each other's company, especially for emotional support. Being same-sex makes me nervous due to potential violent homophobics, especiiiiaaaally living where I do. I do it regardless, but even just holding hands leaves me worrying some asshole is going to cause a problem. I know my sister's husband isn't at all fond of it either and I'm 99% sure he's why Sara's never met the kids. But anyway, all those things are absolutely worth it. Would you ever consider something like a poly relationship, assuming everyone involved was alright with it? What are some things you think you would or wouldn’t like about it? Absolutely not, because I strictly believe in the exclusiveness of love. What is the most unhealthy relationship (whether friendship or romantic) you’ve ever had? What made it so unhealthy? Do you still talk to each other? Colleen, probably. We are just about the antitheses of each other, yet we were "best friends." We disagreed too frequently, she was drama-ravenous, we kept leaving and coming back, etc. No, we don't talk now, and I refuse to ever do so again as friends. Have you ever been abusive in any way? Were you able to change or make amends, or, in general, what do you think people should do to make amends in that situation? No. I absolutely do not believe in "making amends" with your abuser. Keep them the fuck out of your life. Have you ever forgiven someone for being abusive or allowed someone toxic back into your life? Did this person change for the better or not? Toxic... you mean Colleen? Did it too many times, and no, she didn't. Do you feel like your age matches your emotional development? If not, what age level or maturity level do you feel best represents where you’re at? Part of me says no, another says yes. I guess it depends on the subject. What is one thing about your personality that embarrasses you, but you can’t seem to change it no matter how hard you try? Have other people called you out on this embarrassing thing? Being socially awkward as all hell, and yes. When was the last time you did something “meant” for children? Do you think it’s okay for adults to do these things (ie. watch cartoons, have stuffed animals, dress in cute clothing, etc), or do you think there’s an age beyond which it becomes unacceptable - and if so, why? I was playing Spyro just earlier today lmao. In almost all cases, no. I do believe that something like a full-grown adult playing pretend with dolls or something may be questionable, but even then there's not a real reason I can give you. What was the last thing to “trigger” you (as in, in a true mental health sense, I’m being serious here) and how did you cope with it? What kinds of things do you tend to find triggering? What do you do either avoid or face your triggers? Something PTSD-related, but I can't remember exactly what it was, I guess because I got past it pretty quickly. There are certain songs I should avoid, I canNOT look at the medicine I ODed on, I don't like seeing or being near large knives at all... If you’re diagnosed with anything, do you feel that it accurately represents what you’re experiencing? All of them, yeah. What is a complaint you have about the mental health industry or about the type of treatment you’ve received from a mental health service? Have you ever had any particularly bad therapy experiences? I feel that too many people working in the field care far more about the pay than the people. I can't guarantee a professional truly cared about what I was dealing with until Holly Hill. I've had one particularly horrible psychiatrist that threw diagnoses and pills around like they were nothing (the most ridiculous being ADHD, which I in no way exhibited), and a long-time therapist I had was pretty bad, something I realized only after I started with my current one. She was strict about that "you've got an hour, you're staying an hour, you're leaving no later" shit, and we always ran out of things to talk about so I'd just be sitting there super uncomfortably and numerous times start crying because I felt so awkward, and she'd just take it as a sign that I wasn't telling her something. She drove "and how does that make you feel" and "what're you thinking of" into the goddamn ground. Yeesh, having been a mental health patient for so long, I could really write a novel here. When was the last time you realized you might be the source of a problem and NOT someone else? Hm, idk. I'm so uninvolved with others that that's a hard question to answer. What are some minor physical discomforts that really bug you (eyelash in your eye, a wedgie, rumpled socks, etc)? HAVING THE BOTTOMS OF YOUR PANTS GET WET. I hate chapped lips, too. Do you prefer vertical or horizontal stripes? Horizontal. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? No. Are you ticklish? YEAH. Have you ever tried to make your own alcohol? No. If you were to join one of the armed forces, which would it be? I wouldn’t. Have you ever been in a submarine? No. Have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna? Only hot tubs. Do you believe there used to be dragons? No. What was your first alcoholic drink? A Mike's hard lemonade. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Idk, I was a baby. What was your first detention for? Too many tardies. Did you ever have a treehouse as a kid? No. Have you ever been on radio? No. How long has your longest ever phone call been? A few hours. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? Ummm I guess some kind of chicken is common? When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? Idk. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? Uhhhh how am I blanking, I change my mind on things every five minutes. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? Sara's both my girlfriend but also the only "friend" I ever hang with now even tho we live several states apart lmao. I was there two weeks, so we did an array of stuff. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else’s dreams? Hell, I barely ever remember my dreams. Jason still shows up maybe ehhhh around or maybe less than once a month, and I have no clue why other than maybe there's some PTSD effects I don't actually detect or something? It's not like I think about him much, so I really don't see why he shows up, but the theme is constant: awkwardness seeing each other again, and he sometimes tries to get back with me (thank FUCKING GOD even in my dreams, I don't). Sara's in some dreams that I remember. Mom, maybe. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? Nothing. What is something you do to feel better when you’re scared? I'll usually turn to YouTube for a distraction. Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? Mom. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? Probably Bite Me by idr-who. I actually don't remember. What was the last thing you broke? How about fixed? Another sensor came off the keyboard. :') I dunno about fixed. Is there a sign or symbol that means a lot to you for whatever reason (eg. seeing certain animals or birds, 11:11 or other repeating numbers, syncs, butterflies, hearts in nature, etc)? Butterflies and semicolons. Hence my semicolon butterfly tattoo. Do you have any personal ghost stories or paranormal experiences? Yeah. What do you get complimented on the most? My hair. What is something unusual that you find attractive? why does?????? everyone hate fedoras tbh?????????? What time do you tend to eat your first meal of the day? And your last? BOY this varies so much like fuck. Sometimes I don't eat breakfast at all, sometimes I do right when I get outta bed. Dinner can be at like almost 10:00 with Mom's schedule, or I may have it like five hours earlier. What was the subject of the last video you watched? I'm getting into a horror LPer and I'm binging her Silent Hill playthroughs. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? I like pink but bloody guts and brains are cool 2. What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? N/A What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? Play video/computer games. Have you ever been close to drowning? No. Do you watch any Japanese anime? Not currently, but I've kinda had the urge to pick an interesting one up? Do you have someone who is protective of you (father, brother, etc.)? Mom and Sara above anyone else. Where was the last place you went, that you hadn’t been to before? Uhhhhh good question. I don't exactly go to new places often. Do you have any bad habits you aren’t working on changing? If so, do you ever think you’ll try to break them? I don't believe so off the top of my head? Then again I think everyone has little bad habits they don't try to improve upon, but I can't think of anything serious. When was the last time someone surprised you with their reaction or behaviors? I'm sure something with Mom, but idk what. Are you good at committing to things like Nanowrimo or Inktober? Nope. What is your preferred method of expressing yourself? Writing. Or drawing if I'm in the mood. Have you ever reached out to a crisis center for mental health support? If so, how was the experience? I tried to reach the suicide hotline via their online one-on-one chatroom because I was too afraid to actually call, but I ended up waiting I think 45 minutes before the OD happened. When was the last time you did something you were afraid to do, and how was the outcome? I drove at night and ordered food at a drive-thru myself. It went well. What is one positive thing you believe about yourself? I have a strong sense of right and wrong. What is something you have been through that has made you stronger? Depression as a whole. Other than money, what is something you wish you had more of in your life? Social life, success, and motivation to name a few. Is there anything that you tend to ignore for the sake of your sanity? Sure. Mental health stuff flares up sometimes if I think about some things too deeply. What was the last thing you argued or debated about? Did you eventually agree, or did you have to agree to disagree? Getting rid of Bentley, and neither, really. Mom knows we shouldn't have him for a world of reasons, yet she refuses to try to find a far more suitable home for him or at least talk to Nicole about it (he's her dog, but she doesn't live here), who's never even paid him almost any attention. I could rant about this for hours. What is something you wish was different about your family? THAT WE WERE CLOSER. What is your main struggle or focus in life right now? Getting out of the house/becoming more of a functioning adult. Are you more dramatic or stoic? I'm neither extreme, really, but I'd say I'm much further from stoic. Are you on medication for anything? If so, do you feel like it helps? Have you ever been afraid to take medication or had a particularly bad experience with it? A lot, but the only ones I feel don't work are the ones for my tremors and knees. I was on one med for a while that I was scared to take because it made me vomit (safe to say I wasn't on it long), and even my life-saver med made me sick at first, but I took prescription nausea pills to ride that out as my body adjusted. Do you prefer having long or short nails? Short, but not too short. When was the last time you had an argument with one of your parents? Idr. Do you tend to eat the same few things all the time or do you vary your intake? Would you consider yourself to be a picky eater? Are there any commonly enjoyed foods that you don’t like? I'm picky and definitely have a limited palate. Some foods I can think of for the last question include fried chicken, BBQ, watermelon, tacos, all cheeses but American, aaaand I'm blanking again in an area I should have a book about. Do you have good body image? Do you feel more confident about your body or your personality? What is one thing about yourself about which you do feel particularly confident? Ha, as if, so personality. I like how open-minded I am. How likely are you to compliment other people? How do you react or respond when you receive a compliment? What are your favorite types to receive? It depends on the person, the atmosphere, and my anxiety level. I sometimes fear complimenting people because I don't want someone to be like "um why is she talking to me?"/"is she flirting with me?"/"why did she notice that?", etc. I become so giddy (at the very least internally) when people compliment me because of how my self-esteem is, and I really appreciate them. The compliments that mean most to me are regarding my photography. With how badly I want to be a successful photographer, people seeming to genuinely like what I do has actually made me smile like an idiot and giggle publicly. It just means a lot to me. Describe the last thing you reblogged? How many posts do you tend to reblog during a day? A clip of Mark having a fit over a dog in RDR2. How much I reblog varies greatly; depends on how much I get on Tumblr that day, what I feel like sharing at that moment, what I queue... Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result? No. Do you listen to your friends’ advice when they give it to you? Depends. If it's Sara, I usually do. What’s the last kind of soup you ate? Vegetable. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It is pierced. The most memorable time that you skipped school, what did you do? I don't recall. Did you ever have a favorite teacher in high school? What made them your favorite? Coach Collie. He was very friendly, wise, his sense of humor was great, he cared deeply for his students, was super chill, shared life advice all the time, etc. etc. Can you think of a time when you were really obviously judged by your appearance? What happened? Not that I recall. What’s something your mother told you growing up that you actually listened to? Mind your manners. What are three emotions you experience regularly? Stress, content, but also discontent. What is your favorite Halloween candy? Reese's. Is there anyone who refuses to communicate with you? *shrugs* What was the last lengthy packet you filled out? Something for vocational rehab. Is there something you still can’t do even though you’re an adult or might be expected to do this thing? I don't have a job or drive. When was the last time you congratulated someone? Were you happy for them, indifferent, jealous? When I found out one of my closest high school friends is pregnant. I was obviously happy for her. What would you say is your STRONGEST emotion? Maybe not the most frequent, but the most intense? And what emotion do you feel most weakly, even if you might feel it more often? Anger; envy (but it's not often). Have you ever gone somewhere in your pajamas? What makes this acceptable or unacceptable to you? Plenty times, but it depends on my level of shits given and the location. Honestly wish pjs were more acceptable in public places cuz like why not, you've got clothes on, just don't go around where everyone can totally see your dick, ass, or tits. Other than the usual things like IDs, etc, what do you always carry with you when you go out? My phone. What type of photography do you enjoy looking at? Do you take any photos yourself, and if so, what types of things do you prefer to photograph? LOTS!!!! I particularly love fantasy-styled portraiture or macabre work, and omg give me soft lighting. I'm a sucker for emotive or conceptual portraits and the like. I like to photograph an array of things, but my faves are nature and animals. Have you ever gone out for the Black Friday shopping rush? Did you enjoy it, or not so much? Or, what���s the busiest shopping day you’ve ever experienced? Nope. Busiest shopping day I indirectly experienced was when I worked at GameStop during the holiday season... nope. It's a small store and it was flooded. I hated it. Idk about one where I/my family was the shopper. Do you enjoy reading diaries or stories you wrote from when you were younger, or does it embarrass you? If you’ve kept them, was there a particular reason for hanging on to them so long? No. No. No. NO. I can't stomach going any further back than '15 at the RP forum because fucking cringe. All old stuff like physical journals and such, they're long gone because I never want to see them again lmao. What would you say was your first true hobby? What about your most recently developed one? Hmmm, probably video games were the first things I was *really* deep into. Recently developed... good question. Is there one thing that throws off your mood more than others, whether it be lack of sleep, lack of food, heat/cold, etc? I'M FUCKING /CRANKY/ IF I'M HOT. Serious lack of sleep makes me moodier. What is one common area of life in which you feel you have little to no experience (college, children, marriage, etc)? Work and independence. What kinds of things are you likely to complain about? HEAT. If it's hot to me, you're gonna know. I'll complain if my stomach especially hurts, sometimes with other pain. Do you like to put any extra effort into your food in terms of presentation, or do you prefer to just put it on a plate and eat it as it is, no frills? I don't cook, so. But I'd definitely be the latter. When was the last time you were mean or rude to someone else? How about the last time someone acted that way toward you? I hung up on this insurance agency or whatever they are that call me every other goddamn day. I dunno about the second question. What kinds of things are most likely to make you lose your temper? Have you ever done something regrettable or embarrassing while angry? I fucking dare you to ridicule the mentally ill in front of me. Goddamn dare you. For the second part, not to my recollection. Do you have a large dog? No, both our dogs are medium-sized. If not, are you afraid of them? Not at all. Do your parents know that/if you smoke? I don't. What is the reason you last received money? Mom borrowed some from me so she was paying me back. Is anyone in your family sick? Not to my knowledge. Are you very upfront about things or do you "beat around the bush"? The latter, typically. Do you ever write poetry just to get your feelings out? Not really anymore. Middle and high school? I was all about it. I wrote only one poem this year. How many bones have you broken? None. Whose house did you visit last? My sister Ashley's. Have you ever bought a fragrance by a celeb because you liked who it was? No. Do you have a gazebo at your house? No. What’s your favorite brand of bottled water? Essentia.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

[tenspontaneite]

Paper Cranes Q&A 3

Topics covered: ‘disease’ progression, lots of things related to Sai and metaphysics, spiritually sensitive canon characters, What’s Up With Touya’s Weird Soul, technicalities and things and stuff. 20 questions covered in total.

Spoilers for: Up to end of chapter 22. Maybe some very slight hints of things to come.

When exactly will Hikaru begin feeling effects of his Problem?

Well. Uh. Spoilers? But like I said in the notes, it’s not going to get Very Bad during the timeframe of the story. The reincarnation-AU I’ve been planning is another matter entirely though since it’s set at least 15 years later Also while dysautonomia can lead to tremors, which would make it difficult to play Go, different patients may experience very different symptoms based on which parts of the nervous system are damaged first. So…it’s not guaranteed he wouldn’t be able to play Go. It’s just possible that at some point he’d have bad enough tremors to possibly launch Go stones across the room by accident instead of placing them. Or accidentally majorly mess up the stones surrounding where he placed his. Etc.

 If Sai came back, would be be able to fill up Hikaru’s soul and stop the degeneration?

Well, hypothetically, any possessing spirit could do this. Not just Sai. But it works best between physically similar souls – the more similar they are, the easier they mesh. That’s another reason why Sai’s soul-bits stick around like they do. The lingering emotion and intent isn’t the only thing there. Very dissimilar souls would passively damage each other in such a possession, so even a benevolent possessing spirit would have a hard time not hurting its host.

 Are there other spiritually sensitive canon characters?

Kuwabara is the only one I’d class as actually sensitive enough to be aware, so to speak. But there are others who are….predisposed, let’s say, to being sensitive, and becoming more sensitive. That should be talked about relatively soon in the story. Next few chapters maybe.

 What’s up with Touya’s unusual looking soul?

See the above question. It’s highly relevant. The Touya males certainly aren’t the only ones, either.

 Will Touya find out?

Spoilers!

 Will Yashiro find out?

…Spoilers!

 Why was Nurse Furutani so suspicious?

She is good at noticing Obvious Things, like the tension between Hikaru and Touya, and is watchful for any hint that Touya might commit the cardinal sin of Upsetting A Patient or even Causing A Ruckus. After a while she determines that their discussion is probably okay and leaves.

 Is there a way to heal soul damage in a living human?

Absolutely not. It’s a fundamental property of souls anchored in a true physical body that the soul can’t significantly change in form whilst anchored. This includes growing, healing, or changing ‘shape’. Embodied spirits work differently. Reincarnated major spirits and kami work slightly differently.

 Wouldn’t calling out the grid position only work if Touya was on Hikaru’s side of the board?

Now, I’m no experienced Go player, but considering how frequently people might be required to place moves recited by a speaker (e.g. one person reads from kifu, other person places) I always assumed they defaulted to Black’s side of the board, because that would make sense. If anyone more familiar with this stuff than me knows otherwise, do let me know, and I’ll add it to the minor-edits-list.

 Can humans make donations to Hikaru?

I….well…uh….they could??? If you got someone (Hikaru or a spirit) to rip out a chunk of their soul, yes, yes they could. But 1) human souls are far more viscerally entrenched than disembodied souls and it’s far, far more traumatic to remove parts of them than it is for disembodied spirits, 2) the damage to them would never heal until they were dead, and they’d become a possession target without the advantage of Huge Leftover Energy that Hikaru has, and 3) most human souls are like…small. Bits of them are even smaller. They wouldn’t be very useful donations. They’d last like, a few days. Certainly no longer than a week.

 Is Hikaru going to feel better about the early expiration date when he thinks about how Shuusaku died at 33?

Well…no. No? I mean, in general, ‘x person I never knew had it worse’ is not really consolation for ‘my own situation is downright shitty’. And really, while Torajirou would have been Extremely Screwed if Sai ever left him (over ten years of possession, yikes) his death from disease was unpleasant but relatively quick in comparison. I mean. Degenerative diseases are awful, okay.

Also I’m very fond of the way you worded that. ‘Expiration date’. Hah.

 Is it weird that I want to write fanfic of your fanfic?

You know what, no, I don’t think it is. I’m definitely not biased on the matter, nope. Also at some point I’m going to be writing fanfic of my fanfic, so.

 Is Sai aware, wherever he is?

SPOILERS.

 What does Utagawashi’s usual outfit look like?

Like this. https://media.gettyimages.com/photos/shinto-priests-at-meiji-shrine-during-ceremony-picture-id597589563

Basically very similar to what Sai wears. Also that picture contains the priestly baton things that I’ve mentioned in the story a couple of times.

 Does Hikaru get any foxy qualities from the bits of fox soul he’s using as adhesive?

As Hikaru is a Live Human, his soul cannot undergo any significant form changes. The soul bits are extremely personal but can’t influence the nature of Hikaru’s soul.

 Could it be argued that Hikaru’s aptitude for Go comes from Sai’s soul/energy?

No. I would like to outright, unequivocally word-of-author this: Hikaru’s talent is his own. He is good at Go, and has a talent for it. The end.

What could have plausibly been influenced by Sai is his enthusiasm and enjoyment of Go, but only via the same sort of cross-contamination as seeing a friend of yours be really enthusiastic about something. More intense, because he can directly feel the emotions of Sai on the matter, but same concept. As mentioned before, live human souls are highly resistant to forcible form changes. Modification of interests and talents certainly falls under that.

Also plausible: Sai’s instincts and impulses with regard to the game might have carried over during the active possession, which would have helped him learn faster. It would have been very subtle, though. And the traces remaining now are not nearly cohesive and sapient enough to have that sort of effect.

 Would the Gigantic Spirit Boom Pillar be detectable to exorcists/priests outside of the city?

As a rule, no. Hikaru would feel something like that. Probably Kaminaga too, at this point. Anyone else would have to be very close, as very few living humans are that sensitive to the currents in the spirit layer.

Spirits, though? They live in the spirit layer. I’d say every spirit in Japan and many others further out would have felt the ripples. Any particularly powerful spirit would have felt it on the other side of the globe. Suffice to say, every spirit in Japan knows that Something Big went down, and gossip and word-of-mouth is sufficient for them to know that it was Ancient Demon specifically who went down. There’s...so, so many rumours among spirits, right now.

 Would foxes enjoy soap operas?

Well. Based on individual tastes, I guess? They are generally all quite mischievous by nature and will be far more interested in what they can witness personally or perpetrate personally than in the antics of fictional characters. But that’s subject to individual differences as it is in humans. Some will prefer some types of media to others.

 What will happen to Utagawashi’s shrine now that its aspect of Inari has died? Will a new aspect replace it?

To make a new aspect for that shrine, they’d need to do a ceremony to imbue the shrine with Inari’s essence. So, pretty much, make a new shintai. I think Utagawashi’s chances of making this happen are pretty high, but if he can’t get it done through official channels he’ll probably just team up with an Inari fox to do it himself.

 Do you know that Paper Cranes is the most kudosed Hikago thing on ao3 aside from esama’s multifandom thing?

I check my stats every single day, anon. I am most definitely aware of that. And it’s glorious. You know my thing has approaching twice as many bookmarks as the next closest competitor, right? Like, dude, it’s amazing. You would not believe how often I sit around preening about my story’s stats. And...well, idk, I might be running out of hikago fic readers who haven’t got to my story yet, but if I can get another 1k kudos by the time the story ends I could get genuine first place there. I’m not bothered if not, but it’s definitely something I think about.

#fic: paper cranes #q&a

[kittencaboodleextraordinaire]

“Ok, but I had a Johnny first, and mine is better”: Adventures in Cyberpunk with a snarky headmate

Warning: this post contains considerable discussion of a major plot point in Cyberpunk 2077 which is discussed in the promotional materials (trailers etc) but which is not revealed in-game until after the first segment of the main story (the heist). Those who wish to remain unspoiled may instead view this lovely picture I edited of four raccoons in a trenchcoat (inspired by Critical Role’s playthrough of the absolutely delightful ttrpg Crash Pandas, which I highly encourage everybody in existence to go check out).

This phenomenal piece of art is surely the high point of this post. It can only go downhill from here.

Anyway.

So as we all know, Cyberpunk 2077 was finally released a few days ago to the expected amount of drama and fanfare, and my partner and I have been playing it together, by which I mean he’s been playing and I’ve been providing helpful advice like “We should totally buy the awesome purple car what do you mean you want a motorcycle THE MOTORCYCLE ISN’T PURPLE”. It’s not, y’know, an amazing game, but it’s pretty fun and I have already found multiple characters to ship V with, which I’m sure we can all agree is the truly important thing here. Plus of course there is abundant opportunity to make innuendo at my partner so I am a happy kitten. Mostly. There is one aspect of the story that is proving to be a continual source of awkwardness and general highly disconcerting aura. Namely, Johnny Silverhands.

At some point (I fell asleep for this part so I don’t know exactly what happened), you end up fused with a chip containing the personality of Johnny Silverhands, some kind of sort of famous dude who died a long time ago or something like that. awards self 10/10 stars for that eloquent and informative summary of important plot elements I was totally paying attention to and wasn’t asleep for at all anyway the important thing is there’s a dude hanging out in your brain with you. This is kind of weird and awkward for me, since I also have a dude hanging out in my brain with me. His name is Jonas. Jonas, say hi. J: I’m not a zoo animal and I don’t do tricks, also I reject the idea that this adds to the post in any real way. However you are very lucky because I am bored and complaining at you sounds more fun than going back to sleep. Now I’m tired and it’s 3:30 am go to bed or write the rest of this by your own damn self. That’s basically the same thing I guess.

Jonas is a bit weird. I don’t really have any idea what he is, and it’s not really within the scope of this blog post to discuss it in depth. He is some flavor of alternate personality, he is one of my closest friends, and he is a pain in the ass, much like most of my other friends. Having Jonas around is uncannily like V’s experience sharing their brain with Johnny Silverhands. Now I have a few other friends who have multiple personalities, one of whom is watching playthroughs of Cyberpunk and has appropriately described the experience as “pretty fucky”, which about sums it up. However it’s made even worse for me personally by the sheer number of similarities between Jonas and Johnny and their interactions with the people they share heads with, for (the most obvious) example, their names are really fucking similar. Jonas has matured a lot since he started appearing about 6-7 years ago but Johnny’s snark, unhelpfulness, complete disinterest in being nice, and even his body language all scream of Jonas’s original behavior, which, let’s be honest here, he still does all that anyway, he’s just nicer about it because he likes me. When Jonas and I talk, we tend to picture him as standing (or sitting or leaning against the wall or whatever) somewhere in the room with me, much as Johnny appears to V. He’s not active all the time and until very very recently was almost never “in charge”, so to speak, much like Johnny. So what we have here is somebody who acts a fuck of a lot like Jonas, has a similar name to Jonas, and interacts with their host in a manner that is almost a perfect match to how Jonas interacts with me. Somehow all of this went over my head. Then something even more uncanny happened.

Now, Jonas was originally an extremely minor character in a vast series of stories that I have made up in my head and never actually written down. He somehow evolved, without any conscious effort on my part, from a bit character who was never meant to do anything besides show up, get scolded by the authorities, and leave, to an increasingly major character, to living in my brain with me. Consequently, while he generally shares my tastes and preferences in terms of food and etc etc etc, there is an extremely major way in which we diverge: Jonas, like Johnny, and unlike me, smokes. All the time. It is Very Important to him. As such, the fact that I do not smoke and have exactly negative one billion interest in ever doing so is a source of intense frustration to him. We have had m a n y arguments about this. He knows not to push it too much and respects that it is my decision but that is not about to stop him from complaining about it loudly and with great passion. So when we encountered a scene of V and Johnny having the exact same fucking argument, ending with the incredibly blatantly Jonasesque lamentation from Johnny “Nonsmokers are the fucking worst”, it was like getting hit in the head with a brick. Actually forget the brick, it was like being hit with an entire building, and then having Jonas stick his head out the window and go “Missed me? ;)”, and then yelling back “WELL IDK BUT MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU’RE PILOTING AN ENTIRE FUCKING BUILDING IF YOU COULD TRY A LITTLE HARDER TO MISS ME THAT’D BE REALLY NICE THANKS” and then having him wink at me and assure me that head trauma builds character. It fucking doesn’t and he knows it.

After that, it was impossible to not see Jonas every time Johnny came onscreen. I still enjoy the game a lot. The setting and story are both really really cool and the loot is A+, and I really love being able to hang out in voice chat with my partner, who currently lives pretty far away, and do something fun together and experience something new. But having my relationship with Jonas, which I still have a lot of conflicting feelings about no matter how much I genuinely believe he’s a positive force in my life, reflected back at me at every turn, is bizarre, surreal, and a constant reminder of issues that have been nagging at me for a while, many of which are explicitly being brought up by the game itself. Last night we were doing a mission where V and Johnny at some point start talking and V mentions how they seem to be getting along better and Johnny suggests that maybe it’s because he’s rubbing off on V. V responds with something to the effect of “Am I becoming more like you, or are you becoming more like me?”. Jonas and I have been asking ourselves the same question for years. The only answer we were ever able to come up with is “probably both”, but the question of how much and to what extent, and if you start blending together with somebody else that much, are you really the same person anymore, and on down the rabbit hole we go, can really eat at you if you’re the kind of person who cares about that sort of thing. Which I guess we both are. And frankly we are probably not even half done with the main storyline and I doubt it’s going to stop posing these questions. 

J: so I said I wasn’t going to have any more of this and went off in a huff but actually I changed my mind I have some stuff to say. 

this is obviously weird for kitsie, and I guess it might be obviously weird for me too but it’s weird in an entirely different kinda way. it’s certainly surreal, and a lot of the questions it keeps bringing up are a lot to think about. Johnny is a program on a computer chip designed to be a copy of the original Johnny’s brain. this raises the question, and this may or may not be addressed later, how real is he? and is he the original Johnny, just on a computer chip now, or is he a different entity who happens to be identical to Johnny? and how is a person on a computer chip embedded on somebody’s brain really different from a person who’s a subroutine in somebody else’s brain? am I real? am I a part of Kitsie that just thinks differently for some reason? are we two facets of a whole being that’s kind of both of us and kind of neither of us? am I just a hitchhiker? I really don’t know. I have a lot of memories and backstory. things I did in the past, before I knew Kitsie. are those memories real? they feel real to me but on the other hand they didn’t actually happen. are Johnny’s memories real? they did happen but he’s a brain scan so did they actually happen to him? it’s a lot to think about, but hard to stop thinking.

and then there’s the other concern, which is that this is a game for kitsie to enjoy with her partner, and whenever this shit happens it wakes me up and I end up feeling really weird, like I’m intruding. which I am.  and as wonderful and understanding as he is, I’m still very much something he is getting used to and having problems adjusting to and I really understand because fuck I’m having a problem adjusting to me too. and maybe it’s stupid but I feel bad for being the disconcerting aura of uncomfortable thoughts wafting through something that’s supposed to be a pleasant and fun evening without me in it. which frankly sums up my entire existence. fuck this I’m tired I’m out of here again go tf to sleep kit.

I had more to say but “what he said” pretty much sums it up.

In conclusion, I don’t really have any objection to the story itself. It’s an interesting concept carried out fairly well that under normal circumstances I would think was really cool, and certainly it’s been a unique experience anyway. And I guess if anything the fact that it’s so unnervingly on the nose is a sign they did a good job? I’m still having a huge amount of fun with the game and the massive backlog of sidequests combined with our minimal ability to focus means that the main quest only takes up a small portion of our playtime in any case. I just needed to get all this shit off my chest.

This has been tonight’s episode of the Kitty Rambles Podcast, I am too tired to think of any good way to end this so goodnight and thank you for tuning in!

#cyberpunk 2077 systems headmates seriously what even the fuck

[iheartsurveys]

157

What is your name and how old are you? Brianna, 23 Do you talk on the phone a lot? What kind of phone do you have? I talk on the phone maybe once a day, if that. It's an iPhone 7 Is your house ever creepy? What does it do? Not really Who’s your favorite rapper? And your favorite song by this rapper? I'm not sure if I have a favorite rapper... I don't listen to a ton of rap, I know what's popular basically. There's no one artist I know everything by. I Don't Fuck With You by Big Sean is my jam. I like some Drake. I can rap the entirety of Donald Trump by Mac Miller How about your favorite band? And your favorite song by this band? I like way too many bands to have a favorite. I am really into Glass Animals still, even after seeing them at Firefly. They're just so great. My favorite song is The Other Side of Paradise Did you do any drugs this past weekend? Which ones? Nope Are you hungry? Why don’t you eat something? I'm fine Do you have any cousins that you’re jealous of? Why? Nah What year will you be/were you a senior in high school? 2011-2012 Have you ever broken up with someone and then regretted it later? Nope Has anyone ever made a promise to you that they’d change? Who? Probably Do you have an online blog? What do you write about in there? You're looking at it Do you know anyone that has a multiple personality disorder? I know someone who says they do but I'm not sure if that's a self diagnosis or a real thing...not to discredit their mental health but like I'm genuinely not sure Have you read anything educational today? What was it? Nope Do you watch more of the Discovery channel, or MTV? Or neither? I don't watch either really...I'll watch discovery during shark week, and MTV if they're showing a movie or something Have you ever had the cops called on you? For what? Nope Do you hate your last name? Do you want to get married so you can change it? I actually enjoy my last name, it flows nicely. I don't want to get married solely to change my name lol that's dumb. Honestly I'd have to see whether or not I'd change it since I'm kind of content as is. If I married someone with an awkward last name I might not change it Did you wake up to an alarm clock this morning? What time? Nope I woke up because it got really bright in my room How old is your favorite teacher? Just guesstimate. I'm not in school anymore What’s the background picture on your phone? Do you change it a lot? It's a black and pink pattern, I change it whenever I feel like it Would you rather be home alone, or have people with you? Why? Either is fine honestly. I'm fine alone I chill with my dogs and do whatever. And when I'm not alone it's fine I hang out with my mom or whatever Do you live near a highway? Can you hear the traffic at night? I'm not super close to a highway, I don't hear cars at all at night Have you ever dropped a class in school? Which class, and why did it suck? I dropped this hard bio class in college because it was super difficult. It inspired me to change my minor Are you a MAC or a PC? My PC laptop is dead and I'd like a MacBook or the new iPad Pro so I guess that makes me a mac now Has the snow melted away in your yard? Did it even snow in the first place? It hasn't snowed in months, and when it did, it melted super quickly Have you ever taken someone back, who ended up just hurting you again? Nope Music is playing right now, isn’t it? What song? Not listening to music How many cell phones have you gone through in your life? 7 or 8 Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? I don't Do you need spellcheck in order to spell things correctly? No I'm a decent speller. I notice sometimes after I post a survey my grammar will be off and it's totally not on purpose like sometimes my phone autocorrects. Sometimes I fix it because I don't want people to think I can't spell but sometimes I say fuck it and leave it What was the last thing you printed? Is there even ink in your printer? A ticket to a beer and wine festival. We're running low on ink Do you go to concerts? What was the last one you attended? I love going to concerts. I was at Firefly festival almost two weeks ago, I saw a bunch of great bands. Technically the last one we saw was misterwives Do you shop online? With your own credit card, or someone else’s? I love online shopping, I use my own card Who’s your best friend? How long have you known each other? Britt, 5 years in like a month Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Why did you break up? Haven't had an actual "boyfriend" yet. The first guy I dated, he stopped talking to me out of nowhere, so I'm not really sure why. Though he's asked since then if I want to know why we didn't work out and when I said yes he was like ummm gotta pee brb. So I still don't know, boys suck lol Have you ever gotten your nails done? Or do you get them done regularly? I hate getting them done I prefer to do them myself Have you been outside yet today? What were you doing? Yep, going to and from the car to kick boxing and then back home Do you have or want any tattoos? Of what? I don't have any, I've wanted some in the past and I still kinda do but idk what I'd get or where 
Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yep, I was maybe 15 with my dad in the parking lot of a church. My mom didn't find out about that until fairly recently Do any of your friends drink excess amounts of alcohol? Do you? I have a few friends that don't really know their limits... I've learned mine after trial and error How many pairs of shoes do you have? Are they under your bed? Maybe 20 something. Some are in a shoe organizer on my door, the rest are in my closet or in the closet downstairs What exactly is under your bed? Is it a mess? It's not too messy, just a little dusty. I have an art portfolio from high school, and a rolling duffel bag Have you ever been in handcuffs? Why, exactly? I haven't Have you ever had to be put to sleep at a hospital? Why? Yes. I had my tonsils removed when I was like 10 Do you actually have a calendar on your wall? What are the pictures of? No When are you planning on moving out of your parents' house? Hopefully in a year ish Tell me about your day today. It was chill, I was at home for most of the day watching tv, I napped for a bit, I fed the animals, went to kickboxing, showered, ate dinner, watched the bachelorette, flipped the channels for a little after and now here I am Have you ever been on a cruise? How many? Where did they go? I haven't. My mom and stepdad are going on one without me in a few months What was the last thing you purchased for yourself? Conditioner, shaving cream and razors, face wipes What was the last thing you purchased for someone else? Food 
Do you have a favorite author? Nope How about a favorite book? I like a lot honestly, get back to me on that Do you have a significant other? Nope Have you taken your Christmas tree down yet? It's been 6 months since Christmas so yes When was the last time you took a shower? Few hours ago Is any part of you sore right now? My nonexistent abs Do you have any clothes that are uncomfortable, but you wear them anyway? Not really How many people are currently in your home? 3 people 5 animals Is green your favorite color? Nope What kind of music do you mostly listen to? Alternative and pop Have you ever fallen asleep laying on your boyfriend/girlfriend? Single What was the last vacation you went on? Tbh firefly doesn't count as a vacation...it was fun but camping was stressful. So I guess, maybe last summer? When’s the next time you’re going on vacation? No clue How tall are you? 5'9 Do you drink coffee? I do

#surveys

[xtreme-icecream]

stuff idk how to write: werewolves, hanamaru, angst stuff i just written: werewolf hanamaru with angst anyway idk how i feel about it yet but have a yohamaru werewolf story hhh

words: ~4400 (warnings: descriptions may be graphic, minor bg character death, also just pretend their bus has a tiny tv in th front i forgot to check for reality too late oops.)

After too long, Hanamaru comes back home. 

It’s late. She leaves mud in a trail behind her, through the door, up the stairs, into her room where at last her bones snap apart and back together, and her muscles burn as they tear and weave themselves back to familiar form and size.

When it’s over, she’s still exhausted. There’s a cold, heavy feeling in her stomach, like something’s wrong, but more than that she feels a thick haze in her head.

She can’t think. There’s school tomorrow. Her futon is there. She needs to sleep.

The morning news plays on the little TV at the front of the bus that Hanamaru and Ruby take to school. Hanamaru tries to tune out the report on the couple found dead in the thick of the small wood nearby.

Estimated time of death: between the hours of midnight and 5AM. There’s a lot of collateral damage in the area surrounding the corpses. The police say it points to an attack by a wild animal, but they’re hesitant to make a definite statement because there are no such animals wandering about Numazu.

Investigations are fast now, because nowadays they expect casualties like these. It turned into something of a nightly thing for them to send people out at night to prowl for dead bodies. The lack of them these recent few months had some hoping the deaths had ended.

Too bad about last night.

In any case, the report is fast and succinct. The camera work beats around the worst of the carnage and any descriptions on the damages and wounds the couple sustained are kept to a decent, broadcast-passable minimum. It seems it’s only the police and Hanamaru who might know about how the young lady died quickly from a messy bite to the jugular and not the impact to the back of her skull, or maybe how the young man’s leg was ripped off only after his spine had snapped twice, or that maybe, maybe if he just hadn’t pulled that knife out he’d still be—

“Hanamaru-chan? Hanamaru-chan, listen to me.”

Ruby is nudging Hanamaru’s leg with her knee. The news has moved on to something about rice imports. From the looks of the outside, they’re still a good ten minutes away from arriving at school.

“Hanamaru-chan,” Ruby says. Her voice is soothing. The skin under her eyes is a little darker than usual. “You looked a bit spaced out. You were watching, weren’t you?”

“Oh… Yeah. I was.” Hanamaru just keeps from tacking an apology on at the end.

Instead of saying anything, Ruby finds Hanamaru’s hand and squeezes it. “Just don’t dwell on it too much, okay? Everything’s going to be all right.”

She does a cute little nod at the end of that sentence, to prompt Hanamaru to agree with her or something like that. So Hanamaru does. Things are fine. It’s going to be okay.

When they arrive at school, Ruby strays from the routine path to the classroom for a detour to the student council office. It’s a quick errand for Dia, who has to stay at the hospital for a while to watch the new stitches on her leg for the wounds she got last night.

Hanamaru’s a touch grateful. If Dia hadn’t stepped in, it would’ve been Ruby on the news today.

The lunchtimes Hanamaru spends helping out at the library are her favourite times of the week. She was never one for noise, people, and noisy people, and the library at Uranohoshi provided her with just the perfect dearth of that. People visited the library often enough, but outside of the worst exam crunch times, there was never a soul who willingly stayed for any longer than five minutes.

There was one exception to all of that, though—a noisy person that Hanamaru really didn’t mind who actually stayed at the library to read for extended periods of time.

Yoshiko Tsushima arrives again today, this time with a stack of books she places at the counter with a heavy thump. “Done!” she says proudly.

Hanamaru pulls the stack close and skims over the titles on the spines. Save for one book about low budget gardening techniques, they all belong in the section for myth and the occult. They were also all borrowed on different days, and due for return on different days, with only about half arriving on the counter on time.

“And your late return fee comes up to… eighty-seven yen,” she says after a little math.

“Totally worth it,” Yoshiko says, reaching into her pocket for her wallet. There’s a self-assured smile on her face as she does so.

As Yoshiko digs around for the proper change, Hanamaru proceeds with the menial task of scanning and logging the books in record.

“What was it all about this time?” she asks.

The coins in Yoshiko’s change clink as she drops them onto the counter, and a timed beat later she places her hand on her chin and grins to herself. “I had taken this opportunity to educate myself on beings of the other world,” she says. “From the common dragon to the leshi, I’ve made sure to become familiar with a veritable legion of hellish beasts.”

Hanamaru smiles. “Got a new favorite?”

“No,” Yoshiko says. “Chimerae remain objectively superior, but if you’d like, I could share something about coeurls?”

Then Hanamaru indulges her, and they slip into old routine—storytelling after a finished collection of “forbidden tomes” and avid, eager listening.

Yoshiko was always a big person in many ways, but there was, apparently, something to be said about how good of an open ear Hanamaru was. At good parts her eyes lit up, at dull ones her shoulders would sink, her lip would curl when she had something smart to say, and there were some things, important things, that she would remember with her heart. It took a while to understand them, but those were things she never forgot, and somehow she remembered more about Yoshiko than Yoshiko did about herself.

And Hanamaru, in turn, didn’t know these things about herself, until Yoshiko came up to her one afternoon and told her that it was how she fell in love.

“We’re sorry we couldn’t cure you,” Dia tells her, leaning on the tea table of her house’s living room. “And sorry for… what happened afterwards.”

Hanamaru nods. They’re all sorry and all disappointed, but she honestly couldn’t ask for more than the kindness of the Kurosawa sisters with her issue. As confidants they were beyond trustworthy, and they took such huge risks for the sake of saving Hanamaru that it seemed unthinkable.

But as saintly as they were, they weren’t looking to be martyrs. By now they must’ve figured Hanamaru wasn’t worth the danger. Dia doesn’t look at her the way she used to.

“I’m afraid this is as far as we can go,” she continues. “We can’t afford to take any more risks. To ourselves or otherwise.”

“I understand,” Hanamaru says. “That’s how things gotta be sometimes, I guess. I’ll try to do things the way I was doing them before, then.”

“For now, that might be for the best.” Dia straightens up and bows, a little off-balance. “Again, we’re sorry for our shortcomings. We wish you the best, Hanamaru-san.” Then she walks away.

Hanamaru stays the ‘Thank you’ the end of her tongue in hopes that Dia won’t close the door on her, and she’ll turn around and say she has one more idea, another last chance for Hanamaru.

Dia doesn’t, of course, so Hanamaru goes home kicking herself over her ingratitude.

The ocean at night is cold enough to kill during the later weeks of fall. Hanamaru has to hide away in the thick of the wood again until sunset, and wait for the moon to stir the wolf awake.

And when it wakes, she suffers through the change again—snapping joints and tearing muscle, her jaw cracks to make room for rows of new fangs and jagged teeth, and the stretching her spine has to do to reach the height of the beast rips the feeling away from her limbs as it snaps in place, its revolting crackles muffled by flesh and rustling leaves. New eyes, muscle, bones, new skin, a new stomach that almost asks more for blood than meat.

The wood she hides in isn’t as dark in this form, and the smell of the sea mixing with the thick and teeming vegetation is so much crisper she can practically taste it. Though her mind is hazy with the aftershocks of pain, the world is so much more vivid. It’s always a shame she can’t experience it as she likes.

Her nose picks up strangers a short distance away, behind her, but she insists on running forward, to the ocean. Only then can she bear the sharp cold of the water.

She dives to hunt, because the wolf has to eat, or she can’t turn back. Somehow with just the scant light of the moon she hunts down a few dozens of fish that escaped the nets of the boats in the distance, and bites them whole, even if it takes hour upon tiring hour to eat her fill and the icy water mats her fur and weighs it down. It’s an ordeal, and she hates the feeling of grinding little fish bones and skulls between her teeth most of all, but compared to the real human lives she’d cost otherwise, it’s a bargain.

By the time she’s finished and dripping seawater back on land, the moon hangs high in the sky. Her body breaks back down to human size, her own, real skin, which prickles and almost stings at how cold it is.

Hanamaru digs through a specific patch of undergrowth for the dark canvas bag holding her change clothes, which she throws on as quickly and quietly as she can manage. It’s just her boots and the jacket left when she notices shadows moving.

The light is from behind her. She turns, a dangerous ache bristling in her jaw again, and then recoils at the sight of Yoshiko.

“Zuramaru?” Hanamaru can’t dare to look at her, but leaves crunch underfoot as Yoshiko approaches. She’s so close that Yoshiko has to turn her flashlight away from the both of them so Hanamaru doesn’t get blinded. There’s a firm, anxious hand on Hanamaru’s arm. “Zuramaru, it is you! What are you doing here—why is your hair so wet?”

There’s nothing but concern in her voice. Hanamaru knows she sees the bag and probably smells the blood and the ocean from her person, because Yoshiko is too keen around her. She wants to run, but her body just refuses to move.

So Yoshiko does. Amid all the warning signs blaring in her mind and fogging her thought, she can still hear a zipping sound. Somehow Hanamaru doesn’t resist putting her arms through the sleeves when Yoshiko holds her coat up for her, and she finds the warmth and weight so comforting she wishes she could just fall asleep already.

"Okay," Yoshiko says as she zips the front up for her, "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but geez you're going to catch a cold... Ah, here, my scarf, it'll catch the water from your hair."

Yoshiko wraps it around Hanamaru's neck and shoulders so gingerly, like she has no clue what Hanamaru is or what she's done, at all. And then she has the audacity to wrap Hanamaru in a hug, where she's sure her face is pressed against sea-soaked, freezing cold hair.

What's wrong with her?

There's some warmth tickling her ear from Yoshiko's breath when she asks, "Hanamaru, are you okay? Can you at least tell me that?"

Hanamaru stays in Yoshiko's hold for just a little while longer, trying to keep from tearing up. "Yeah," she mutters eventually. "I'm fine, Yoshiko-chan. Just soaked."

Yoshiko squeezes Hanamaru one more time. "Okay. Let's get you home? You live in the temple nearby, right?"

Hanamaru nods into her shoulder, and Yoshiko pulls back, takes her hand, and leads them both off.

The path they take is nearly void of any other passersby, which Hanamaru appreciates of Yoshiko, but it’s also void of any conversation until after the woods and the short trail, when the guest entrance comes into view.

“You’ll be alright here?” Yoshiko says, squeezing Hanamaru’s hand. It breaks her out of a daze.

“Yeah,” Hanamaru says. “Yeah, it’s… warmer at home.”

“Good.”

They reach the doorstep and let go. Hanamaru takes her first steps inside, then makes to take Yoshiko’s scarf off when her hands stop.

“Will you want these back?” she asks. On her mind is how it’s soaked and probably smells strange, so she hopes Yoshiko says no.

“Ah, you can keep them for now,” Yoshiko says, probably forcing that grin on her face, “to wash and all, heh. I mean, that’s how courtesy goes, isn’t it? Er…”

“But then what about you, Yoshiko-chan?” Hanamaru asks. “You live far away, don’t you? How will you go back by yourself like that?”

Yoshiko shrugs. “Exams are coming up soon. I’d have gotten a cold anyway. But you…”

She’s looking at her like that again. It’s hard to see because the temple is dark and moonlight can’t break between leaves easily, but Hanamaru has always been able to feel it.

“Nothing,” Yoshiko says, turning around. “Take care of yourself, okay? I’ll see you soon.”

In lieu of saying goodbye, Hanamaru just watches Yoshiko walk away.

When she curls up in her futon, she remembers the look she gave her. Hanamaru knows what it means. ‘What’s going on with you?’ ‘Are you really alright?’ ‘Please let me help you.’

She hates it. She’s terrified of it. She wants Yoshiko to give up on her.

It’s not what she tells her when she sees her again at school and gives her clothes back, but it’s all she can manage.

“Don’t go there again,” Hanamaru says.

Yoshiko’s demeanor takes on a rare kind of gravity. It’s good that Hanamaru had the foresight to confront her after class. The room is empty aside from them and the sun sets early today, coloring everything red-orange. There’s dormant heat in the air, or maybe just in Hanamaru’s ever-eager imagination, but either way she’s glad no one is around to interfere.

“Why not?” Yoshiko says, standing up. “You don’t even know what I was doing there.”

“It doesn’t matter what you were doing there,” Hanamaru says. “You can’t go back. It’s for your own good.”

“My own good? Then what about you, Hanamaru?” Oh no. “Why were you out there, by yourself, half frozen to death? I worried about you every night after that!”

“Then stop worrying about me!” Hanamaru speaks louder to match, which makes her all kinds of uncomfortable, because it’s just not like her at all. “There’s nothing about me to worry about. Please, worry about yourself, Yoshiko-chan.”

“Nothing about you—that’s bullshit, how can you tell me to do that when you know how I feel about you? After I saw that? “

“That was nothing! Why won’t you ever just listen to me?”

Yoshiko’s hands hit her desk. “You never tell me anything! I know you need your privacy, but this? You could be in danger!”

Hanamaru grabs Yoshiko’s shoulders and looks her in the eyes. “You’ll be the one in danger, Yoshiko-chan! And you know why, so stop pretending you’re doing this to keep me safe. You can’t help me.”

Now, frozen under Hanamaru’s stare, Yoshiko can’t say anything. They don’t move, they don’t break eye contact, they’re not even sure they’re breathing, but slowly, maybe because she sees Hanamaru’s eyes welling up, the tension leaves Yoshiko’s shoulders.

“And if I told you I could,” she says quietly and unsurely, unlike herself, “would you let me?”

Hanamaru is exhausted. She lets her arms fall to her sides. “People have tried. Just stay away from me, Yoshiko-chan.”

But Yoshiko never listens.

She’s always been a little bit peculiar. Naturally rebellious to the norm. Midnight candle rituals, standing on the school rooftop on the coldest, rainiest days, downing hot sauce like candy syrup—the more absurd it seemed to be, the more likely Yoshiko was to do it.

Hanamaru finds this bold, eccentric spontaneity attractive in a way. So much so that she feared she might’ve even fallen in love with her because of it.

She still fears she loves Yoshiko, especially now that Yoshiko stands before Hanamaru with only a spray of blue flowers in her hand and a heartbeat loud enough for Hanamaru to hear even from ten paces away, over the rustle of leaves.

Hanamaru’s ears can only hear something like that through bones, muscle and skin because it’s something that she seeks out, along with Yoshiko’s shallow breathing, wide eyes, her cold sweat and trembling fingers…

But her heartbeat, drumming in her ears louder than rolls of thunder, is euphonious.

thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump

The thick coat Yoshiko wears is something Hanamaru comes to dislike almost immediately. It’s rough, and dry, and would just spoil her taste.

Her claws seem to bare themselves at it. And her teeth. Her fur bristles too, and something low rumbles from her throat.

But she does her damned best not to move, and hopes to everything she can think in her limited lucidity that Yoshiko finds a way to run where Hanamaru can’t get to her.

Naturally, Yoshiko does the exact opposite. She takes a step forward, holds the flowers out to Hanamaru, and shouts something Hanamaru can hear perfectly but not understand. She recognizes her name, “Hanamaru,” but the rest of it is just loud, maybe angry, and she takes it as a taunt.

It’s weak bait, but encouragement is encouragement, and Hanamaru is hungry. She pounces, and when she tastes blood, the last flimsy sliver of humanity slips out of her conscience.

And when it comes back, not too long later, it’s because she eats something wrong and horribly bitter. Her insides are burning, her throat feels raw, she can’t breathe, and her limbs feel like they’re being torn apart from the inside out.

When Hanamaru comes to next, there’s something that tastes like dirt in her mouth, and the stench of blood is so strong she physically flinches and digs her face into the warm mass underneath her.

It shifts, and coughs, and… holds Hanamaru tighter?

Yoshiko.

The blood.

Yoshiko.

Hanamaru shoves herself up. “Yoshiko-chan!”

It is Yoshiko beneath her, pale, bleeding from deep, frightening wounds around her right arm. Only the stems of the flowers in her hand remain, and her fingers only seem to curl around them from the cold now that her gloves are torn, but she’s breathing.

Then she coughs. “Zuramaru,” Yoshiko says weakly. “Hi. You’re back.”

Hanamaru sees Yoshiko’s mouth warped in a grimace for her, and she has so many things to say that she can’t speak at all, so she just crumples into Yoshiko’s chest and tries not to let her crying break into full sobs.

In these minutes she realizes she’s wearing a coat with end of the right sleeve torn and stained black, and between that, Yoshiko’s wounds, and the flowers being missing, Hanamaru pieces together what must’ve happened.

And despite what she’s done, what kind of pain she might’ve inflicted on Yoshiko, at that moment she can’t feel anything but selfish gratitude and relief because this time, this time, no one’s dead.

The thought echoes in her head for long moments after that, as Hanamaru, still dazed from everything, lets herself a minute of rest. With her ear pressed into Yoshiko’s chest, Hanamaru finds her heartbeat again. It’s calmer this time.

Thump-thump.

Thump-thump.

Thump. Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Yoshiko gasps hoarsely, and Hanamaru jolts up. “Yoshiko-chan?”

Yoshiko’s eyes are unfocused, but she manages to shove her phone into Hanamaru’s hand. The screen is lit, displaying the emergency contact number for the nearest hospital.

“Maru, listen,” Yoshiko says, out of breath and voice trembling. “Wolfsbane poison gets into wounds. Hurry.”

Her arms go limp, she starts coughing, and Hanamaru, as she sees this, wastes not an instant calling the hospital and telling them what she knows, as fast as she can.

If she’d really gotten better, if the wolf is really gone, she can’t let Yoshiko’s be the life it takes with it.

The paramedics have the courtesy to only ask Hanamaru about Yoshiko, and outside asking if she needs medical attention, too, the only effort they direct to her goes into words of reassurance. They can save Yoshiko.

They can save Yoshiko.

They save Yoshiko.

Days pass, then a week, then two. Since staying was too expensive, Yoshiko and her family decided to just move her home after several days passed and her condition stabilized enough. She hadn’t come to school since.

As far as their classmates knew, the most of Hanamaru’s involvement about Yoshiko’s “accident” was that she was just the first among them to find out. It was a piece of information they made and agreed upon by themselves, and Hanamaru made no effort to make them think anything otherwise.

She did volunteer to be the one to bring notes over, though, even if Yoshiko lived so far away from her own home.

Hanamaru knocks on the door to Yoshiko’s apartment, and steps in once Yoshiko voices her acknowledgement.

“Hey Zuramaru,” she says, eyes glued to her television screen. “You forgot about the bell again?” Even when part of her forearm and wrist is covered in medical wrap, she doesn’t seem to have much trouble with her game controllers. Good to know her hand wasn’t too impaired.

After shutting the door behind her, Hanamaru places a notebook at the foot of Yoshiko’s bed, and sits down next to her on the floor. “I think I like knocking better, anyway.”

Yoshiko hums. Hanamaru’s only seen her play a handful of times, but she can gather from watching that the next thing Yoshiko does is find a place to save before exiting the game and lowering the controller to her lap, where her stare lingers for a while.

“So…” she says, drawing the word out. “How about it?”

Hanamaru’s brow tightens. “Yeah. I think I’m ready to talk.”

“Okay. Uh…”

“First of all,” Hanamaru continues, hunching over a little, like the words are that heavy. “Never do something like that again, hear me? Especially not without telling me first.”

Yoshiko flinches. “H-Hey, in my defense, you would never have said yes—“

“Of course not! Handling poison, showing yourself in front of a-a werewolf, it’d be like asking you to die for me!”

“But it worked, and I didn’t, and nothing like that’s ever going to happen again!”

Hanamaru looks up. “That’s not the point, Yoshiko-chan. I know what you did worked, and I’m better now, and nothing like that’s ever going to happen to either of us again, but you scared me!” She pauses, glancing at Yoshiko’s dazed expression and back away, and then she takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I was terrified, okay? You came so close to dying so many times because of me. I don’t know how I’d handle letting that happen to someone I feel like this about.”

Her voice got quieter and quieter until she finished, and Yoshiko let the silence remain. Until one of them found it in themselves to speak again she moved to find the fist Hanamaru buried on her lap and wrap her fingers over it.

Then she squeezed it gently and said, “I’m sorry. For scaring you, I mean. Really reckless of me.”

“It’s okay,” Hanamaru says. “I think. It’s over now, after all.”

Yoshiko nods. “Yeah.”

“…And besides,” Hanamaru says, “it’s still kinda my job to keep you from doing dumb things like that.”

There’s a pause were Hanamaru glances back at Yoshiko again, shooting her a sort of half-smile. Yoshiko sees, returns it, and playfully bumps her elbow on her. “No kidding. I’d just be a mess without you around.”

“Oh, I doubt it’s anything like that. You’re such a veritable force of chaos that sometimes I feel like a buzz in your ear.”

Yoshiko chuckles darkly. “’Force of chaos,’ you say? I find that a high praise, even from a being of such holy light as yours.”

“Shut up, Yoshiko-chan.”

“Ah, the scorn of heaven—a most familiar burn.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Hanamaru shoves Yoshiko by her head, earning them both a faint chuckle, and Yoshiko shoves Hanamaru back a bit herself before deciding to lean on her.

“But seriously,” Yoshiko says. “That aside, I think I should start listening to you more often. You’re smarter about me than I am.”

“Maybe,” Hanamaru says. “And actually, even if I’m not a werewolf anymore… I don’t know, it doesn’t feel over.”

“What do you mean?”

Hanamaru wrings her hands. “They weren’t so many, but there were people that I… so…”

“It wasn’t you,” Yoshiko says.

“We can’t say it was anyone else,” Hanamaru says. “It’s all on me, Yoshiko-chan.”

Yoshiko looks away, to a corner of the room, and frowns. “So you say,” she mumbles. “I don’t know how that must feel for you, as usual for me, but at least this time you don’t have to deal with it on your own.” She shifts somehow closer. “There’s time for us to figure this out.”

Her words take time to sink in, but Hanamaru feels Yoshiko’s right. She nods, and Yoshiko smiles.

“So, anything else?” Yoshiko says.

“No,” Hanamaru answers. “I’m taking this a bit at a time. I’m not good at jumping into things all at once like you are.”

“Oh, guess it’s my turn, then!” With a sudden little burst of energy, Yoshiko sits up and spins around so that Hanamaru can see her smirk clear as day. “What’s this earlier about ‘someone I feel like this about,’ eh, Zuramaru? Feel like what?”

And seeing Yoshiko’s smirk, Hanamaru feels light, for the first time in a long while. “Yoshiko-chan, I think you’re just a little nasty, you know that?”

“Aw, what?”

Hanamaru can be honest now. There’s no reason for her to fear herself or how she feels.

So she tells Yoshiko the truth.

#yohane is a furry.docx #xtreme writes #4 years of fic spewing n i still cant write sad stuff fsr. i mean in general iv nver been able to write but #o i wasnt able to include it in the writing itself but actually maru is still a werewolf in the end she just doesnt have to Devour Flesh #also wolfsbane is so Nasty n everywhere treats it like nothing. 'picked up some wolfsbane' yea cool nice we're not Dead #i know there are gloves and Being Careful but still u can totally use it to kill regular humans too. mammalsbane

[salt-sass-and-lyrium]

Long post, tw mentions of child abuse

So here’s this thing that’s been  bothering me

As much as I dislike (well dislike is the wrong word, more like ‘prefer not to deal with at this point in time’ ) children, I dislike shitty/lazy parenting anymore

Story time:

I went over to my cousin’s house on Saturday so she could do my hair. Not my preferred option but she does a decent job and is cheap and Mama’s on a budget so. Anyway, cousin’s house is really more accurately my great-aunt’s house, and there so many fucking kids. And they’re all young kids. The oldest might be 12? But there’s like 8 of these little shits.

And while I’m sitting there, mind my  own business getting my hair done, I just keep seeing my cousin do what I can only describe as “shitty parenting”. Example, one of the kids, granted one of the older boys, was hungry. It was about 8am at that point, so understandable he wanted breakfast. He asked his mom if he could have something for breakfast. I heard him, even with my headphones in, so I know she had to have heard him. But, she pretends like she doesn’t. So, he repeats himself. And again. My cousin SNAPS at him, screaming “WHAT?!” and he repeats himself “Can I have something for breakfast” and she just ignores him.

Red flag number one, right?

Eventually, kid goes and tries to make oatmeal. Now, these are fucking kids, and oatmeal, even instant, is finnicky and easy to turn into a sloppy mess. He’s never made oatmeal before and doesn’t know how. Instead of walking him through it (Boil some water in the microwave, put the packet in a bowl, pour the water, a little bit at a time over the oatmeal) she just starts screaming at him for not knowing how. 

How the fuck is he supposed to know how if he’s never been taught? Okay, whatever. Red flag number two.

While this is going on (she’s still doing my hair, mind you) the younger kids (about 2 and under) start getting up and moving around. They’re still in diapers, still learning to really walk and climb stairs, etc. And JFC she and my other cousin (the other mom) just fucking screamed at these kids.

Actually, let me back up a second. The house is gross. The house is a fucking mess. I’m not one to tell people how to live, but I grew up with a neat freak, so seeing just... filth, around kids, practically babies, doesn’t sit well with me. Anyway, there’s a lot of random shit floating around, and babies being babies, of course they gravitate towards it. Young kids (most of whom can’t even really talk yet) are gonna grab whatever they can get their hands around. If they can pick it up, they will. It’s just how fucking kids are, right? So needless to say, when there’s so much junk, of course the kids are going to get into shit. Cousin had a box of some packets of something (not sure what, think it was some hair products) on the stairs. Kids are climbing the stairs, come across a box, pop the lid off of it and start dumping it out, picking up the packets of whatever it is, tossing them, etc.

Now, a normal parent would probably take the box and put it somewhere where the kids can’t get it. Instead, cousin (who’s doing my hair) starts screaming at the babies, and gets one of the older ones to pick everything up. She does, and, being like 2 puts it back on the stairs because that’s the only place she can reach. And of course, the babies get back into it, because they’re fucking babies.

Rather than just take the box or let it go, cousin just screams at them. Over and over each time they get into the box. “WHY WOULD YOU GET IN IT AGAIN?!” Idk, because they’re like 1? 

Red flag number 3.

One of the babies is just screaming. Not that anything is wrong with her. She just stands on a chair (mind you this is a baby so I wouldn’t have fucking let that happen) and screams. Like, top of her lungs shrieks. No one seems to think this is out of the ordinary. This goes on for probably 20 minutes or so, ear splitting screaming (presumably for attention) and no one does anything, until I’m like

“Uhhhh...” and guesture towards said baby. THEN my cousin picks her up, gives her some kisses, and then puts her down a few seconds later. This seems to appease her for a bit, then she starts screaming again.

Red flag number 4

I should note, there’s not a toy in sight. Just junk and kids. So, they’re probably just fucking bored.

I feel like ass and I’ve gotta work in a few hours, so I’m mostly just trying to block the situation out. Things calm down for a little bit, until cousin gets into a just violent screaming match with my great-uncle, over a phone charger, iirc. Like, the kids are just sitting there, while they’re screaming, shouting obscenities at each other, slamming doors, making threats and so on.

Again, this doesn’t seem out of the ordinary for anyone.

Red flag number 5.

I should take a minute to note that a lot of this isn’t really out of the ordinary for me either, as I grew up in a similar environment. BUT, if there was a guest over, even if it was family, my mom was suddenly the most loving parent in the world. Everyone was on their best behavior. I’m a guest, this seems to be normal behavior.

Now, let me rewind for a second. Most of the kids are still in diapers. Some are kinda potty trained, but not really enough to be out of diapers. So, they poop on themselves. It happens. They’re babies. I realize this is the case because I look up and some of them have grabbed clean diapers and are walking up to the mom’s wanting to be changed.

Do they get changed?

NOPE.

Red flag number 6

Apparently, leaving them in their diaper is going to ‘make them get tired of shitting themselves’. It’s also going to put them at risk for infection, especially the girls. Not to mention diaper rash and sores. The kids get more insistent, and I go “Uh, do they need to be changed?” and they finally spring into action to change them on the fucking dining room table. No towel or blanket down, nothing, just changing dirty diapers on the dining room table. Alright, not everyone can afford a changing table, nbd. But still. So she changes them and I’m expecting her to go get a towel and wipe down the table. Does she?

NOPE.

Red flag number 7

So while I’m processing that little gross tidbit, my cousin, decides she doesn’t feel like walking up the stairs to get scissors and a flat iron to finish off my hair so she starts screaming at one of the older kids to get it. Now, given how the rest of the house looks, I can’t imagine her room is any neater, and the kid is having trouble finding them. So, rather than go upstairs and find them herself, she just starts berating him “Are you slow? You must be fucking slow! The scissors are in the drawer! You’re just slow, aren’t you??”

Spoiler alert: Scissors weren’t in the drawer

And the kid is growing more and more upset because he can’t find it in the places she’s looking. Instead of entertaining the idea that she may be telling him to look in the wrong place, she just shouts insults at him. After a bit, I guess I start to look visibly uncomfortable, so she shuts up, and goes and finds the scissors (not where she was telling him to look, of course). Doesn’t apologize at all.

Other minor things:

We had a metric ton of rain that weekend, so there was flooding and warnings of flash floods. The older kids see this on the news and are understandably scared. No one bothers to tell the kids “That’s not in our area, don’t worry” (I eventually check and inform the kids of this, and you could see the relief on their faces).

I hate when people don’t pick up kids properly. My cousin kept picking up the babies by the fucking arm. And I don’t mean pulling them to move them out of the way or something, I mean lifting them from the floor to the table just by the arm. They’re too heavy and too wear for that, you’re going to fucking dislocate her shoulder

The mom’s casually talking about a gang shooting in front of the kids, in graphic detail. No one seems to think this is out of the ordinary.

One of the mom’s talking openly about drugs (granted, just pot) in front of the kids.

The sheer amount of profanity. Now, my mother - to this day - doesn’t swear. Very very very rarely slips up and swears (seriously she doesn’t even like the word ‘lie’. We have to say “fib”. Even to this day, as adults) . Even when she’s screaming, the odds of hearing a 4 letter word come out are pretty much nil. So, hearing a parent just drop swears in front of the kids, many of whom are still learning to talk, is amazing to me.

I got there at about 7, left after 9ish. No one had been given any food or water during that time. I watched one of the younger kids walking around grabbing random cups and drinking from them, essentially scavenging for food. Didn’t raise any eyebrows on anyone but me. One of the older kids was begging me for my McD’s breakfast sandwich (I thought I was coming down with something, also I was still eating it, so I said no). Mom hears the kids begging for food, for my food, but still made no attempts to feed them.

And it just... doesn’t sit right with me. I’m sure the kids aren’t being starved or anything, but... how fucking lazy? You have a kid begging you to change their diaper and you laugh and refuse. THEN when I say something, you change them on the fucking dining room table, without wiping it down before or after. You can’t be assed to pick up a box off the floor, but scream at the kids for getting into it? You have kids asking for food and you just ignore them? JFC. 

This (the cousin who was doing my hair) is also the same cousin who I had this exchange with a few years ago:

*I wouldn’t give her son (who’s notorious for breaking shit for no reason) my DS to play with, because 1. he breaks shit for no reason 2. I was literally currently using it* Cousin: You need to stop being so mean all your life Me: I’m not being mean, I just don’t want to give something expensive to a kid who’ll probably break it Cousin: *doesn’t argue the ‘probably break it’ point* Well, what are you going to do when you have kids? Me: Who says I’m gonna have kids? Cousin: Well, you have to have some kids? Me: ... Why?

And mother of God the uncomfortable silence.

I hate that it’s viewed that people are just supposed to have kids. Why? Why is everyone supposed to have a kid. We’re not exactly hurting for global population. And it’s not like my cousins wanted kids. All of them were accidents. ALL of them. But they had them anyway because, well apparently you’re supposed to.

Which is bullshit. There’s more to life than shitting out babies, not to mention: some people just should not have fucking kids. My mother was one of those people, she’s just not a person capable of much affection, or patience. Two things that are pretty key when raising a child. (Also she apparently hates infants and is freaked out by pregnant women - despite being pregnant at least 7 times herself - but that’s a story for another time). My cousins are those people. They’re young, they’re too concerned with themselves, and don’t seem to grasp that you actually have to pay attention to kids. You can’t just ignore them until they go away. 

Anyway, idk how to wrap this post up, but let me stop ranting

#abuse #child abuse #at least it's abuse imho but idk I should probably do something about it #long post #personal

[percontaion-points]

Review of Sims 4: Tiny Homes

So when they first announced that they were going to be doing this, I kind of went like “Why.” I also kind of assumed that others would be on board my own WTF train, but apparently, this is a huge thing right now, so a lot of others were stoked for this stuff pack. I mean, you do you, but I’ll be over here in my 6 story manor house.

Anyway, regardless of my feelings towards the game, I was still going to get it. Maybe it would be the best stuff pack ever. Maybe this would change the way that I played the sims forever.

Spoiler: it wasn’t and it didn’t.

In the end, the pack was... right about up there with all of the rest of sims 4 so far. Over-hyped and underwhelming.

The game offers some new clothes. Which are honestly... kind of ugly. I can’t really see myself putting those clothes on the sims often. It also offers some new hairs. One of them is cute. The others... I could take them or leave them.

But there’s also a minor bug with the hair swatch for some of the hairs, and it’s like... fix your fucking game, EA.

So I made a sim, and put her into an empty lot. I had to figure out how to get the tiny house thing, which is actually a feature you have to click on. From there, building is pretty easy, and it tells you how many tiles you can build on and such.

There are three tiers, which the lowest/smallest tier offering the most benefits, while the highest/biggest tier offering... only like two benefits. I haven’t gotten a chance to play with the first tier yet, but like... it pretty much adds nothing to the game.

As one youtube reviewer said: there’s no drawbacks to it. There’s no getting into fights with your SO because you’re literally living on top of one another. There’s only just the good.

And it’s like that with the rest of the sims 4 games: there’s no struggle. And Tiny Homes continues with that trend.

After looking up some speed builds on youtube, I then set out with a vision for a tiny home. I think that knowing what it is that you want to build actually helps in the long run with this stuff pack.

However, even after like 30 minutes of playing around with my first sim, I quickly realized one thing: the murphy beds are kind of stupid and pointless. The first bed I put down broke DURING THE FIRST NIGHT. It then snapped my sim up, and she was too tense to sleep on it for the rest of the night.

And honestly, the beds bring nothing to the table. Some of them offer a sofa, but you can sit on a regular bed anyway, so it doesn’t serve a lot of point. If they could double as a table or a desk, then that would be one thing. But it’s just stupid and pointless.

For my second tiny home, I ended up foregoing a murphy bed completely. I can’t imagine that I’m going to use those a lot, either.

The game does offer a new combo TV/stereo/bookshelf. Which is super nice.

But that’s about the only nice thing about the stuff that I actually enjoy. Everything else... while it looks nice, it doesn’t exactly fit into the theme of “tiny house”. The toilet and sink are just a toilet and a sink, the chairs and tables are just chairs and tables...

The same youtube reviewer said that the game just didn’t go far enough as far as “tiny house” goes. They should have done something like combine the sink and toilet into one.

They also should have given us something like ladders as well. Just climb up into the loft to sleep at night, and such.

They also failed to give us bunk beds, which I think that I’m more upset over that than literally anything else. Bunk beds is something that I’ve wanted for the game for such a long time, and yet... still nothing. 

But at this point... I expect nothing and I’m still disappointed.

However, the release of Tiny Living is proof that they’re not just trying to recycle the same ideas over and over again. They get a “you tried” star for that, at least.

Anyway, have some photos of my witchy tiny house. I might have to go into a second post for them...

It was a second-tier tiny house. This is when I first started building it, but then later went on and did a bunch more stuff with it. Just to give you an estimate of the size of the house.

It’s basically an apartment, though. IDK why it is that we couldn’t have combined this with apartments...

Hedge witch vibes only.

An I am just insanely pleased with that water feature.

Also, I usually spend so much room on the actual house, that I don’t know what the fresh hell to do with so much yard! They really needed another neighborhood with smaller lots just for this pack.

#the sims 4 #percontation points plays the sims 4