#i understand why people are upset and i fully respect it. i am not trying to change anyone's feelings
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thought about dean saying i love you too and now i am on the floor
#i understand why people are upset and i fully respect it. i am not trying to change anyone's feelings#and i'm not interested in defending actors#that being said i personally am choosing to focus on the part of that i like#which is 'I love you too'#because good god damn if i saw that on tv with my own eyes?#they may have tried to take it back or no homo it like they did with cas but they wouldn't have been able to#we would have known what dean meant. that would have been ours.#just thinking about the look on his face. thinking about how he'd never said it to anyone before.#thinking about how long he had wanted to say it#thinking about the crypt scene...#would he have smiled? cried? would his voice have been shaky or strong?#would he have been able to look cas in the eye? or would he have had to close his eyes?#would he have gotten the words out in time?#would he have been able to say anything else?#would cas have cut him off?#would he have given up partway through and kissed him?#yeah. I would have taken an 'i love you too' and run away with it#again not trying to tell anyone how to feel#but if you would like to join me on the floor thinking about dean verbally reciprocating you're more than welcome!#I should say verbally reciprocating in the american english version because latam spanish did do it first#but you get me :)#spn
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Dating: Eyeless Jack
Have to talk about someone besides LJ and Toby so here’s some EJ as requested! Sorry I lost your OG question whoever sent it :( Ik EJ has no “canon” backstory but the one I grew up with and the one that the fandom uses the most is the college/ cult one so that’s the one I’m using :3 also I hc EJ a bit different so yeah :3 I had to rewrite this 4 times bc the progress kept getting deleted 😭
After multiple years of living off human organs in the forest, EJ has lost most of his social skills
So he doesn’t really try
He just sneaks into peoples homes, takes what he needs and leaves
He set his sights on you. You were perfect.
Your house is close to the forest, you live alone, you seem to sleep pretty heavy
He’ll be in and out no problem
So he sneaks into your home, quietly. Not waking you
And he stands over you, looking down at you
It’s ironic because he has no eyes, yet the demon inside him lets him see through the dark clearly
He watches you sleep peacefully
Your chest rising and falling rhythmically, your perfectly placed features, your soft breathing
He definitely would’ve had a crush on you in college
College….the fact that you made him think of college, his old life at all in any way at all, he knew you were more than just a quick meal
So he left
What was his next step? Stalking you of course!
He watched you go about your normal days. Talk to your friends, eat your food and watch tv. Normal.
He fantasized about living normally alongside you
He didn’t ask for the life he had now after all, it was thrust upon him
Part of him almost hated you for being so carefree but he knew that wasn’t fair to you
Since he can’t be part of your normal life, you’ll have to be part of his weird one
He took you from your home in your sleep, only using the smallest injection of drugs to keep you unconscious
And you woke up screaming in his cabin in the forest
He hated you screaming at the sight of him
Not only because it annoyed him, but you’re supposed to be making him feel normal. You’re just reminding him that he’s a monster
“I’m not going to hurt you”
You stay silent for days you stayed silent and frozen in fear
Jack understands at first but after multiple days of your silence he gets angry
Part of him loved that he was able to take someone else’s normal life away like his was
After an unsuccessful hunt for food, he talks to you, upset
“What’s the point of you being here if all you’re going to do is stare at me?!”
You look at him silently still
“Say something to me! Anything! Just….talk to me like I’m….”
“Like you’re what?”
The first words you’ve said to him…
“Human”
You two start to talk. Not like you have much else to do
And after days of talking you start to weirdly get along with him. And you don’t even know what he looks like
He always covered head to toe, black clothes, black gloves, blue mask with his black hoodie covering his head. You were barely able to figure out he had brown hair because you saw one tuff
You don’t want to upset your literal captor so you don’t push it
“Why are you staring at me like that?”
“I…just don’t know what you look like”
“You don’t have to”
Jack is terrified of showing you what he looks like. How could he even explain his appearance. Talking with you has been the most normal he’s felt in years. If he shows you what he looks like…that feeling is over
“Please….”
He hears you ask softly
“No…you don’t need to see what I look like”
“You kidnapped me it’s literally the least you can do”
“……”
“I won’t judge”
“There’s so much about me I can’t explain. I… talking with you has made me forget about what I am. So please….let me savor this feeling”
You nod and respect his wishes
Then days turn into weeks and into months
And you ask again
“Jack, please let me see your face”
“No”
“It’s my birthday! This is all I want for a present!”
He legs out a sigh
“Is this really what you want?”
You nod
“Only if you take it off” he was fully ready for your look of disgust and screams of terror
And so you do and you smile at him as you take him in, his grey skin, soft brown hair that falls into his face a bit and sharp teeth oh and no eyes
“Why aren’t you screaming?”
“I don’t know”
Jacks been sleeping by your side since that night
You guys don’t call yourself a couple, but it’s basically what you are
But being with him isn’t all fun
When he had to hunt he comes back angry, not at you, but the fact that he has to do it at all
So he’s snappy, irritable and barely talks and he’s just not pleasant to be around when he’s like that
He hates hunting and feeding and won’t do it for days and only does it when absolutely necessary
When that happens the demon he’s hosting takes over and it’s terrifying
He gets much taller, he barely talks, becomes more animalistic and at night he just stares at you, like he’s trying to hold himself back from attacking you
He hates that you have to see him like that but he also hates hunting and feeding
When he feeds he will never do it around you
He’ll always go in another room but you can hear everything
You can hear the noises of him eating because he eats like a ravenous animal
You can hear his growling and panting and fleshy ripping noises as he tears into the meat of the organs with his teeth
He’ll come back to your bedroom blood, around his mouth, hands and the rest of him and you have to pretend everything is normal or he’ll get mad
“You think because I don’t have eyes I can see the way you look at me?! Stop looking at me like that!”
You can only look away
He can’t take you out like a normal boyfriend can because of the way he looks and it makes him upset
So when he sees you wanting to do normal couple things it hits a nerve
“You know damn well I can’t do that”
He’s upset that he can’t be normal alongside you and give you what you deserve
He tries to take you on walks around the forest but he knows you deserve more
He’s super possessive of you and keeps you by his side at all times. You’re the only thing that makes him feel normal
Even though he trusts you he always is watching you to make sure you don’t try to escape
Try to escape and there WILL be consequences
But hopefully it’ll never come to that
Jack sometimes gets really depressed about how his life turned out so sometimes if that happens he’ll just cry
Well, he’ll try to
The tar burned his tear ducts and he has no eyes so he’ll just make these heaving noises and they’re so sad to listen to
It’s so heartbreaking that he can’t do a human thing like cry
So you just hold him as he makes those noises, comforting him as best you can
“I wish I could look into your eyes, Jack”
“Me too”
He hasn’t had a romantic connection like this in years
His last romantic interest was Jenny the girl who made him this monster in the first place so sometimes he’s scared you’re going to somehow you’re gonna betray him
He knows he’s being paranoid though or so he hopes
On top of that he’s not good at communicating / being social at all since he’s spent so much time alone
So when he’s upset or angry or has a problem with you he won’t talk it out with you he just leaves or is quiet. Worst case scenario, just mean
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll get over it so just drop it.”
“But-“
“Drop it. Now.”
He gets better with communication as time goes on
Although he still really struggles with it
He’s also not very affectionate so it’ll feel like you’re alone even when he’s with you
He doesn’t do it on purpose, hes just so used to not receiving affection and he hasn’t given anyone affection in years
After some talks he’ll get better with it
He really does love you he just doesn’t exactly know how to show it
But he tries
He knows you can’t leave the house with him so when he’s out, he’ll get you your favorite food, a trinket or something else you like
“Here. I know you like this”
He sleeps much better now that you’re next to him
He’s grateful for you
He really is. You didn’t have to open up to him and accept him but you did and he’ll forever love you for that
Since your actual house is close to the forest you actually take him back to your house and live with him normally
You watch TV together, lounge around and get takeout that he can’t consume so he watches you eat it and just laugh and talk
When he’s with you, he’s normal. You’re his normal. His home. He finally found what he wanted in you
Although it’s not perfect, you’re together and that’s all he needs
#creepypasta#creepypasta hcs#creepypasta characters#creepypasta fandom#creepypasta headcanon#crp#eyelessjack hcs#eyeless jack hc#eyeless jack hcs#eyelessjack#eyeless jack creepypasta#eyeless jack#eyeless jack x reader#eyeless jack x you
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Cw: "Aaron" Bushnell https://www.assignedmedia.org/breaking-news/bushnell-gaza-immolation-protest-trans-identity
I thought I should let you know if you didn't already. Rip Lilly
While there is evidence pointing to Lilly/Aaron being trans, I still think we should be careful in how we talk about it. I don't really have a problem agreeing that the username and the reddit history does feel like someone who, at least, is exploring their gender identity. A person who says they knew him/her in life is very insistent that s/he could not have been a trans woman based on private information. However, others who have said they spoke with him/her online frequently insist s/he went by Lilly and used she/her and he/him. Although I don't think there's any reason necessarily for those folks to be lying, I do wish there were actual screenshots of the pronoun use in discord servers? Given that rn the conversation is just People Online Making Claims.
I'm still unsure of how I feel we should talk about this tbh. Lilly/Aaron was very deliberate in how s/he presented his/her gender to the public. As the person interviewed says, I don't think Bushnell would be upset by being seen as trans if s/he was a cis man. But even if s/he was trans, I am hesitant to make assumptions about what is best for a trans person's legacy. The issue of trans recognition in death is very sensitive for most of us, so I understand why people are so invested in this. But it should be kept in mind that the discussion around Bushnell's gender should not overshadow support for Palestinians. That was his/her goal and its clear that s/he cared more about that than making a statement about his/her own gender. It is fully possible for a trans person to make the decision to let themselves be assumed cis, and be comfortable in that decision, and its not up to other trans people to decide whether they made the wrong decision with their own legacy.
Its possible s/he made that decision solely because s/he wanted to prevent his/her message from being derailed by transmisogyny. But again, that shows to me that s/he wanted more than anything for his/her death to be focused entirely on raising support for Palestine. I don't want to be patronizing about Lilly/Aarons's decisions and I definitely don't want any Discourse on this to do exactly what s/he was trying to avoid. Additionally, Bushnell is reported as having used he/she pronouns. The person who claims s/he used both uses both Aaron and Lilly. Its very easy for genderqueer and nonbinary people to have their identities reduced to binaries in death, even by other trans people. If s/he was trans, why are we making assumptions about if s/he was fine with being called a woman, or that s/he wasn't okay with being called a man? There is too much grey space and too much exorsexism that goes unchallenged in our community for me to not feel the need to point this out.
Anyways. I guess my Take on this is that both trans and suicidal people tend to have our choices undermined, and have people on all sides debate over what we Really mean and what we Really want. We are rarely seen as being the experts on ourselves, or having our autonomy respected even when it makes others confused or uncomfortable. I don't think anyone online discussing this can have a full picture of The Truth. Like I said, I don't think there's any reason to assume people claiming they knew Lilly and that s/he used she/her and he/him pronouns are lying right now. But more than anything I'm concerned that the debate over this could end up doing exactly what Lilly/Aaron was trying to avoid. And I don't think its my place to insist any trans person has to be out. I want to respect what s/he wanted for his/her legacy. I don't want him/her to be a trans hero if that results in detracting from his/her goals.
I think this is part of larger moral issue trans activists have to deal with when it comes to trans history: when is it okay for us to correct the language someone used for themselves? When is it illuminating and respectful, and when is it whitewashing someone's own self-perspective to fit our goals? Bushnell was extremely purposeful in everything s/he did as a part of his/her suicide, and that includes how s/he presented his/her gender. I don't want to disrespect those decisions.
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AITA for not letting my parents have a say in my name and for still being mad at them years later?
I (19m) am a trans man who came out to my parents at around age 14 with my chosen name already picked out and everything. I chose a name that started with the same first letter as my deadname even though I didn't really care about that because I had heard that some parents got upset if you disrespected the name they had chosen for you at birth.
Truthfully, my coming out was a bit awkward because I couldn't bring myself to tell them in person. They found out when I wrote my new name on a poster board for a science project I had to present to all of the parents, but after all of the standard questions about whether I was sure and whether I was sure I was sure it seemed like they were accepting of my gender. After the fact though, they kept calling me my deadname (which I was mostly chill with dealing with I could understand needing an adjustment period) and when they weren't calling me by my deadname, they were calling me Colin, aka not the name I had chosen.
Turns out, that's what I would've been called if I had been birthed with a Y chromosome because my dad wanted to pay respects to my grandmother who people keep comparing me to (another thing I don't really like but whatever) and that's close to her name. Sucks to be my parents though because no offense to people named Colin but that's one of the worst names I can think of so I wasn't having it.
For months my parents continued to refuse to acknowledge my chosen name and would either call me by my deadname or call me Colin in an attempt to get me to start answering to it like some kind of pet. After crying in front of them multiple times and refusing to talk to them, my parents finally gave in and while they still frequently deadnamed me they let me use the name I chose and stopped shoving Colin down my throat.
Even after their concession though, I know they've never fully accepted me and they cut corners so they can be "pg" while still disrespecting me. It's been years but my mother still brags to me about how she's so good at not misgendering me because she only uses they/them or refuses pronouns altogether when talking about me. (which is really crazy because you'd think she'd be able to respect my friends with they/them pronouns but no such luck)
Recently, I had a conversation with my father about why I had chosen the name I did and he said he wanted to have more input on the name. I replied that what they did was really hurtful and he said that we were all going through changes which I replied to by simply saying "Wonderful" and leaving because I had nothing constructive to say and imo I think I should get an apology before I'm expected to be more than passive aggressive. My parents say that I'm "keeping grudges" and that I "never give them any grace" and they think now that they've let me get top surgery I should just let it go.
TLDR; AITA for not wanting to be named Colin and still being pissed at my parents for trying to force it even though it's years later?
What are these acronyms?
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Am I the only one who thinks that maybe Chara was controlled by us? The player? Because during the story, Chara is all the sudden good? they are now a skelton and Asriel is back as well. What is the cause of that? Why is Chara all the sudden good? Is there a plot twist waiting to happen? I'm sorry I watched Miamouse's videos and this was in my head for a while. I might have to watch them again. Lol.
Chara wasn't suddenly turned good. They've changed wildly over the course of their life and un-life and re-life. But the change was never all at once. It was a series of large and small shifts. It was like...
Before falling underground: Humanity is cruel and horrible and I no longer see the point in living.
After falling underground: Monsters are good and wonderful and I would do anything to help them. Also, the only way monsters can live in peace is if all of humanity was killed off first. Asriel doesn't get it now, but he'll understand when he sees their cruelty firsthand.
After dying: Asriel betrayed me. Asgore is a murderer now, and Toriel has forgotten about both me and Asriel. I realize now that both humans and monsters are equally messed up. I'm so upset.
Frisk first appears: Oh! A person who am somehow connected to. They're naive and helpless. They'll clearly die without my help. I'll help them fight for their survival.
Genocide Run Happens: *EXP-induced manic murdermode happens*
After Genocide Run: Wh-What? h- ...What the hell's going on??? Frisk! How dare you! (Frisk suddenly can't hear them) Stop ignoring me!!
After Pacifist Run: I now realize that there is a small but not insignificant chance that I'm wrong. I also respect Frisk now because of all they accomplished. So I will not reset the timeline. In fact I will make sure nobody ever resets the timeline again.
Red Echoes: Ah! Frisk! We meet again! Time for you to stop running from the reality of what happened in the Genocide Run. I fully expect this to break you. Oh wow now Sans is here. Well I'll just possess him cause I can do that now. This is a great idea I won't quickly come to regret AAAAAA!!! Okay Frisk, that was weird, but I think it's only a matter of time before you realize I'm right and the world sucks. It didn't work with Asriel but I think it'll work with you because..... Hey why is Flowey talking like Asriel? I hate that! I'm leaving!
Goopster Arc: So we're connected to another world for the time being. I'm going to find my other self and compare notes. They brought Lucida back to life, so maybe I can come back to life too? That's what I'm secretly hoping anyway. I'm also still shook because of Flowey acting weird.
MWSIH!Chara: You're an idiot and I'm embarrassed on your behalf. Asriel's soul is inside yours and you don't even notice you dumbass cringefail.
Maverick Appears Arc: Now another Asriel is here. I had a conversation with him and now I'm realizing how deeply I miss Asriel. Oh well, my new Calalied persona is prepared and now I'll be able to secretly hang with Frisk and........??? profit.....?? Anyway I'm definately doing this for an evil plan and not because I secretly want to be a normal kid who goes to school and has friends. >.>
Drunk Chara Arc: Another me. Time to compare notes again. ...Wait now they're unknowingly confronting me about my insecurities. Time to fall back into my old pattern of being scary and threatening! How dare they act like they're better than me! ......Okay now I'm reliving my deep dark traumas. .......Okay now I'm pretty certain that I'm an actual piece of garbage. I wish I could just forget it all...
Monsterland Arc: Hi I'm Calalied, a skeleton with no trauma. :D ...................................... Wait ....... Oh ... Nevermind I remembered the trauma again. ........ASRIEL???
Now: Okay, looking back at all that, I've come to the conclusion that people are actually a mix of bad and good. I've been given a rare chance at a new life, and I don't want to waste it. So I'm going to try my best to be happy, and to not cause harm to the people around me. Sans will probably never forgive me, and I'm frankly scared of him, but I also don't really blame him. But at least Asriel's here. I'm very happy about that.
...And that's the progression of Chara. XD
-TQ
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Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader
Genre: Fluffy
Warning: Cursing, not so great parents.
Additional Notes: All characters are aged up!
To say that no one understood your relationship would be an understatement. The staring started in high school , lessened once you and Katsuki graduated but never went away fully. The angry pro hero Dynamite with another pro hero, but one that was softer, kinder, less grumpy at the world. People made it more complicated than it needed to be. He loved you and you loved him, why did they feel entitled to know anything else? His parents were thrilled, yours not so much. You remember it vividly.
“Y/n, why the hell are you with someone like that? He could explode in a minute, literally and metaphorically.” your father was scolding you. “He loves, cares, and respects me. That’s why I am with him. I don’t understand why you are so upset about someone loving me!” you spat. You had gone to visit them without Katsuki for the weekend, planning to tell them you were moving in with him after graduation. “Because he is dangerous! His attitude is awful! His temper is out of control!” your dad shouts back. “We have been together three years and he hasn’t blown up on me. What makes you so sure he will?” you retort. He hadn’t blown up on you, that was true, and sure you do get into arguments from time to time, but that's just growing pains. “I know guys like him.” he taunts. “I am so done with this. Fine, believe whatever you want. I’m done. I’m leaving.” you shout, grabbing your bag and head to the door. “When he blows up, don’t bother coming home.” he shouts at you earning a scoff and a thud to the back of his head from your mother. “I wasn’t planning on it.” you spat slamming the door behind you, calling Katsuki’s mother. She picked up immediately. Your family wasn’t the greatest and Mitsuki was more than happy to scoop you up into her little family. She was so supportive, even letting you call her momma. “Momma, can I stay with you?” You had started to cry. You hear her sigh. “Your dad being an asshole about my asshole kid?” she tries to get a laugh out of you, it works. “Yeah, he really lost it this time. I didn’t even get to tell him what I wanted to tell them. He told me not to come home when Katsuki finally explodes. She scoffs on the other end of the line, you can hear her shuffling to get her keys. “Douchebag. I’m coming to get you, walk down the block so I don’t have to see his face.” she replies and you feel bad for asking her to do this, but she really doesn't mind. Her heart is full because her son is in love and you make him happier than she’s ever seen.
It’s been three years since that night, you never looked back. You and Katsuki were happier than ever, your parents tried to contact you, you didn’t bother replying knowing it would only lead to more problems. “Come on, we gotta go, mom is waiting on us” he said practically dragging you out of your shared home. You laughed trying to stop “Sukiiii,” you whined behind him. “Hush. we are leaving. You look fine, you don’t need anything” He huffs in a reassuring tone still pulling you along. You guys make a stop at the local market for some vegetables at Mitsuki’s request. You ended up wandering off while Katsuki shops like a man on a mission. “Oh. y/n, lovely to see you. How have you been?” It was Uraraka. You hadn’t seen her in person since high school. You gave her a soft smile. “Good, how have you been?” You asked in a pleasant tone. “Fine, fine. Are you still with Bakugou?” she asks, looking around. You nod “Yeah, just hit our six year anniversary.” You were bragging, just a little. She had a crush on him and tried to get with him, unknowing of your relationship. Once she found out, she held it against you though. “Oh. Congrats.” she whispered. Katsuki had found you at this point. “Dumbass, what are you doing? We are going to be late.” he grumbles looking at you, paying Uraraka no mind. “Oh Bakugou! Hi!” She says, her happy tone returning. “Yeah. Hey. C’mon we are gonna be late, seriously.” he says, nodding, giving her a small wave and following behind him as you walk to the checkout.
“Hey kids!” Mitsuki greeted you both as Katsuki handed her the vegetables. He shut the door as you both removed your shoes before moving further into the house. The table was set already, you noticed as you looked around the familiar house, more familiar than your childhood home at this point. “Dinner is almost ready, you two! Relax.” Mitsuki smiled and waved you both out of the kitchen. “Are you sure you don’t need any help?” You asked, partially knowing the answer already. “What did I say? Go relax, shoo” she laughed your words off and you followed Katsuki to the living room. “I have a surprise for you tonight, after dinner.” Katsuki says after a moment. You turn to look at him. “Oh. What kind of surprise?” you asked. Your question made him souffle his feet, he was nervous. That was unusual for him, he was always so confident. “No, that’s all you get to know for now.” he retorts. You roll your eyes with a laugh “Why did you bring it up then? You know it’s all I'm gonna think about now” he smirked “Yeah dumbass, that was the point.” he teased.
All through dinner you were bouncing between feeling tense and excited, you had no idea what Katsuki had planned. He had been tapping his foot the entire way through dinner, finally excusing himself but not before looking over at you and mumbling “Stay put.” You put your hands up in surrender allowing him to do whatever it was he wanted to do without protest. God, was he grateful for that, he loved you to death but sometimes you just needed to let him do whatever it was without questioning him too much. Besides, he was doing all of this gushy shit for you.
It took about fifteen minutes before Mitsuki came out from the kitchen. “C’mon he’s ready for you.” she said and you stood from your place at the table, you went to follow her to the backdoor. She gave you a smile, which should have helped calm your nerves but it only made them worse. You opened the back door to their little patio which was decorated in hanging lights illuminating the patio, you noticed flower petals thrown messily around. You felt a smile creep onto your face as you noticed Katsuki standing in the middle, shuffling on his feet, a singular rose in his hand. He gave you a shy smile. “Suki, what is this?” you asked in awe stepping into his little circle with him. “Woman, will you let me speak before you start interrogating me?” he barked, but it wasn’t much of a bark, he was containing a laugh, a sparkle in his eye. It made you giggle. “Apologies my love, go on then.” you gesture, his face feels like it's on fire. “The first day I met you in UA I knew there was something that annoyed the fuck out of me.” he started which made you roll your eyes but you let him continue without interjecting. “I also went home that night and told my mother, her response was ‘I can’t wait to meet the girl that stole your heart’. I didn't know what she meant by that then. It took a couple months for me to ask you to be my girlfriend. Once I did, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, which was weird for a kid to have such big hopes. I know being with me was weird for you, people stared, made comments, I wasn’t blind, neither were you. I was kind of figuring you would leave me over it, but you never did. You stuck by my side even when I didn’t deserve it. Y/n, I love you so much. There will never be anyone else that compares, Marry me?” he asks now, kneeling and opening the little ring box. You were crying, the words didn’t want to form. “Y-yes” you choked out jumping into his arms promptly knocking him over, he caught you though, stifling a laugh through his own tears. One arm wrapped around you as he sat you both up, the other sliding the ring on your left ring finger. You stared in awe for a moment before peppering his face with kisses. “I love you Suki. I love you so much. I never cared what anyone thought of us.” He wrapped his other arm around you now hugging you. “I love you too.” he mumbled.
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Aromantic Horangi is not something I’ve considered, but I love it. Tell me more.
As for dealing with Krueger I see Soap as the one more likely to start a fistfight. The guy is hot blooded as hell and he’s not going to tolerate anyone calling his relationships into question. Ghost seems more the type for the subtle warfare, he doesn’t want to upset Konig but he’s gonna fuck Krueger’s day up.
I headcannon Horangi as someone super laid back, but in the silent, precise and analytical kind of way. We are talking to the extend of coming off as colder than he actually is. But he actually cares deeply. König didn't understand this, until he has a bad panic attack at 3 am and afterwards stands in the kitchen, trying to pour a bowl of cereal with shaking hands. Only for Horangi to come in, take one look at him and do it for him, before sitting with him for an hour, until König feels like he is able to sleep again. He considers him his best friend afterwards.
I feel like their closeness would lead to landing in bed together and König proceeds to fall. Hard. Horangi tries again and again to explain to him that he cares deepy, but love is just not on the table, that he just doesn't feel attraction in this way. Its frustrating for both of them, they fight more than once, because König thinks Horangi is just using him. He feels like they are basically a couple already, what does HHorangi mean he doesnt fall in love? He thinks he does something wrong. König only gets over his feelings when Horangi puts his foot down and tells him to respect his boundaries and feelings or else. König finally does a bit of googling and this makes it much easier for him to be understanding. Horangi isnt lying, this is a thing that people do experience.
What stays, is a gentle, deep friendship. They trust each other, sleep with each other and hold each other. Even if they are not exclusive, they don't really go out with other people because its inconvenient, but Horangi has more partners than König. They share a physical proximity, but König always longs for a relationship with someone who loves him romantically. (Which is hard to come by when you don't wanna give up your squish.) König often vents his frustrations to him and Horangi really tries to hold back on the: "Well, if you were Aromantic, your life would be easier. Ever considered changing teams?" Jokes.
When he meets Ghost and Soap, he is head over heels and when they notice him too, there is a conversation to be had about the whole thing, but they accept his thing with Horangi fully. There is still jealousy sometimes, that can't be fully avoided, but Horangi taught König how to properly communicate polyamory and now he can step up and help them navigate this.
(Horangi is happy with his sexuality, albeit he had to struggle for some time, the typical "whats wrong with me??? Why can't I love my partners like they love me? Am I doing something wrong??" Until he just says fuck it and starts setting boundaries.)
And ABSOLUTELY. Soap laughs at first because he thinks it is a joke or Krueger is just weird, but he clocks on to Krueger being malicious on purpose and it might very well escalate to screaming and threats. Maybe not to a fistfight (because ghost holds him back) because Soap knows he would get a write up and thats not a good look. Ghost follows Krueger at night, just to freak him out. Acts as if he is just coincidentally wherever Krueger is. It gets really terrefying when Krueger goes for a jog and there is the cherry of a cigarette closely behind him. He doesnt stop his shitty behavior, but god, he makes sure that he is never alone with Ghost for too long.
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im the original suicide bait anon, hi. i will drop it after this because i truly don't want to start an argument or anything, i just wanted to explain where im coming from and respond to some of the things ive seen people say wrt my original ask.
unfortunately it really isnt as simple as "block the phrase" because when you mute something on this dumb ass website it still shows you the thing you muted in big blue text every time you scroll past a post with that phrase. this is usually fine if youre blocking posts that mention something that triggers you, but when its the phrase itself thats the trigger, it is incredibly ineffective. for people who cant see those phrases because itll trigger them– whether that be a panic attack or suicidal intrusive thoughts or something else– the current upward trend of suicide baiting is massively harmful. (even as a joke! triggers arent context dependent. im not gonna get triggered by something, see its a joke or that it was directed at a bad person, and be like "oh! nevermind then. call off the trauma response, all is well.") it is impossible to avoid in the current online climate, and the tools that should help us prevent mental distress don't work for us in the slightest. so the least i can do is try to ask people to reconsider using that language, not just for my own sake but for other people who i know are struggling a lot recently because of it too.
when you tell transphobes to end their lives, at most youre making them briefly upset, but trans people have a massive rate of suicidal ideation and suicide attempts. a lot of us have suicide-related trauma, and a lot of us have some moderate to severe responses to related triggers. it isn't helpful for any of us to be going around inducing intrusive thoughts and anxiety in each other just to let off a bit of frustration towards a bigot who doesnt care about anything you have to say in the first place.
like i said, im not saying all this to try and start a whole argument or anything, im gonna fully drop it after this. i just wanted to explain where im coming from (because it seems a lot of people just never even consider that the new funny trend could be harmful, since everyone else is doing it) and why the common responses of "just mute it" and stuff like that arent really helpful. there was a period of time not too long ago where suicide was seen as something deeply serious which was tacky and insensitive to joke about, but recently every tumblr blog is doing it, its in image based memes that we couldnt even mute if we tried, big youtubers like kurtis conner are doing it with no warning, etc.
sorry for the wall of text. i am a very long winded person, lol. i really do respect you which is why im even bothering to explain myself. i hope you can understand, and if you still don't wanna trigger tag it, that's fine. it's your blog, i wouldn't force you to change it even if i could.
oh my god i completely forgot about this websites stupid ass blocked content features. thats fair tbh
#yeen rambles#ask#long post#if i make similar jokes in the future i’ll tag em with ‘suicide ment’ but i’ll prob just avoid making those jokes tbh
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i hate conservative Christian parents so effing much.
Had a fight with my mom where I was a bit more, uh, cohesive this time. And oh my God, so much of it was her trying to find a happy ending or a solution or downplay stuff or try to get away. Because I stood my ground and it made her uncomfortable. Her having to face the reality of a disabled child that appears as if they would be functional. And I made that clear.
And the amount of times she had said "we're still playing catch up" yeah, makes sense she's still behind the times, she is super conservative and doesn't like change 🙄
But i made it clear that this is the reality. I don't think I'll ever be independent and I am fine with that. That these bullshit expectations of professionals and being "encouraged to socialize" will not work. And she brought up how she cares. If you care then listen to me and support me and see things from my perspective.
In the end, my goal is to move in with my gf or MA, live a good life with them, and other shit. You can grow up and actually change and expand your world view or you can stay behind.
Considering I doubt she will ever stop being conservative and hating gay and trans people and internalizing ableism and saying racist and xenophobic shit, yeah doubtful. Especially since my dad is way farther down the rabbit hole than her and has more control over her. She was more of a centrist when she met him apparently so uh, yeah, doubtful.
So yeah. Sorry you feel bad, but I'm not actually sorry because I stood my ground for needing accommodations and support and actually being listened to.
And this entire thing happened because she told me she'd talk to my brother about doing laundry elsewhere (since I live here, he doesn't) and she automatically ignored that the next time it happened, I got upset, she "forgot" why it was so important to me (you know literal ocd), and she refused to listen so i fully called her out. Cry. Because frankly I don't care.
When you've neglected me, abused me, ignored my needs since I was a child, always treated him with more respect than me, favoured him, yeah fuck you. I'm standing up for myself and actually calling you out instead of just ranting about you on social media with nothing being done. It is not my fault you're uncomfortable or feel bad. This is the reality. I do not have to mask and pretend and avoid to be able to cope. I should not have to have breakdowns in private to avoid problems because you won't listen to me when I ask something of you. You cannot say you care then do nothing because "you don't understand." I don't understand plenty of what I reblog, but I know it's important. I didn't fully understand the stuff for transfems/trans women that I reblogged once, but knew it might reach someone that it's important to and it did. I don't fully understand every post I reblog cause I'm bad at understanding words cause of how my brain works, but I understand it's important (and make sure to discern between problematic stuff and if I'm truly unsure if it's harmful or not then I don't reblog it.) You don't need to understand to support others. If you want to care about me, you're gonna have your world view challenged, mother. And you're gonna be held accountable.
Accept it and learn and change, or stay the same and lose me. Cause even if it hurts me, I have spent years preparing and mourning my loss of a childhood, of good parental relationships, all of it. You, I believe can change, but I will not stick around if you do not actively work to change. I know you are better than my father. You have a chance. But you're gonna be challenged, held accountable, and you're gonna feel uncomfortable. But that isn't bad. If you can get through a bad fight, you can get through the hard emotions. I sure as hell did when I ventured down the leftist path and undid the bs you taught me. I doubt you'll ever be a leftist, but you have to at least start to change. But if you won't then it is not my problem. I'm not keeping someone like you in my life whether it's for personal reasons or your harmful beliefs that impact me and others. I'm okay with that. And it's not my problem how it affects you.
Also not being able to say "I'm semiverbal" to my mom fucking sucks. Same with saying I'm disabled, traumatized, disordered, neurodivergent, etc. I hate it so much. Cause like if I could say I'm semiverbal and she could understand then I wouldn't be so stressed in conversations. Instead I have my words locked away cause I struggle to think and communicate thoughts and she keeps pushing. I cannot communicate. Let me be semispeaking. Let me be the way I am!!! Stop forcing me to be fully speaking and be able to perfectly convey my thoughts!!! My brain does not work like that!!! It is hard!!! Don't make me feel guilty for it!!!
#rant#proud of myself#standing up for myself#abusive mom#neglectful mom#childhood trauma#the problematic kind of religious person#homophobic mom#transphobic mom#abuse victim#neglected child#emotional neglect#toxic parents#actually narcissistic#narcissistic abuse isn't real#actually antisocial#disabled#disability#actually disabled#actually autistic#actually traumatized#actually borderline#actually histrionic#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#actually avoidant#actually paranoid#actually schizoid#ableism#I'm proud of how far I've come
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it’s crazy because i always liked haylor but as time passes by and more songs come out i’m starting to realize that they were or potentially could have been soulmates because the way they write about each other is insane, i know theyre both in a relationship though and are happy (at least taylor is) but idk theyre always on my mind.. that “what if” really kills you😭
you don’t have to answer this but what songs do you think are haylor?! in terms of harry and taylor (including unrelated hs1 songs)
i just wrote you a long response to this and tumblr ate it 😭😫 but i'll try to say it again lol
they both have said they're the happiest they've ever been now, so i am willing to trust and take their word on that, and i truly want and hope that for them!
a friend of mine and i were just talking about this, and how fate isn't a strictly determined thing, that because we have agency, we have the ability to make decisions that alter outcome. no one is "meant" to be something or have specific things happen, there are different paths along the way, and things we can control, and things we can't at all. it's more like fate is lightly playing strings in the background, and you follow a melody. so because of that, there's not only "one" soulmate, but potential for love that people find. it's like that quote from the good place, "if soulmates do exist, they're not found, they're made."
taylor found and made hers with joe, and has sustained it for six years, it's the beauty of why invisible string and mastermind can both exist in tandem. they were drawn together by breathless happenstance, and then she made a plan. it's clear from what she's written that that was right for her life. he quiets the noise for her, gives her a place to be safely held, compliments her mind, loves her for who she is as a real person. we know this from what she's written (and now what they've written together). she deserves that.
that doesn't mean that you never wonder about other situations - it's human nature to ask what-if. it doesn't undermine the devotion of what you have at all. it's why she said one of the things that has kept her up at night in the past is wondering what might have been, that was a theme for the album. obviously, if she's sharing that with us, then she shares far more with her partner, what we have is a tiny little cracked window, where they have an entire life and world (and that's how it should be). doubtless they've talked all these things through, and she knows what's okay to share, what's comfortable for both of them. i've seen people act like, "omg he must be upset that she's still thinking about ____," and it's missing the point. he respects and loves her enough to know she does that through her art as a form of processing and healing, he knows it all! he understands. she wouldn't be able to be this raw and vulnerable had she not worked really hard, singularly and with him and with those close to her in her life, to get here, and that's admirable.
so, phew!, to get me thus to question...? she's looking back on that situation and realizing she never got the answers she fully needed, and she still had some things to express and get off her chest, and it turns out, there was some upset and annoyance there (my friend wrote about this too). she just had to ask the questions, and send them out - like a message in a bottle - into the universe.
this is already long so i'm putting the song list under a cut for you <3
songs!!! anything i say is conjecture and fitting little puzzle pieces together in the way i hear them and the picture they paint, full disclosure i could always be wrong.
taylor: from red, we have message in a bottle and come back, be here. there's also the question of the very first night, and i know most people have decided it's about jg and from an earlier point in time, but hear me out - i have trouble believing she'd refer to that relationship as "children running," when the crux of the whole thing was that she was trying so hard to seem grown up and capable, and was feeling adrift and confused and belittled and hurt because of their age difference and the way that caused him to treat her. "i'd pick you up" seems ill-fitting for him too, there's an innocence to it. there's also, well, the mention of the night at the hotel and the polaroid picture, and i'm not saying that means anything, but if i hear a little bit of harry in it instead, well...i know i'm wrong on this one, okay, let me pretend. this song is so sweet that scarf stealer doesn't deserve it shhhh
as i mentioned on 1989: style, out of the woods, all you had to do was stay, i wish you would, how you get the girl, this love, i know places, wonderland. she gave us context and stories for some (i love that quote about style, "we should've just called it, 'i'm not even sorry'," the grammy museum performance of ootw talking about her anxiety, the story about how he drove past her house at night wanting to go in, the green eyes, the sinking ships, the cheshire cat smile...).
i'm going to link you to another post of zoe's too
i have a couple of stray thoughts about other songs but i feel like i should keep them to myself aksfdkljghkl
from midnights, question...?, of course. i know i mentioned this somewhere else, but there's also the fact that question...? borrows a little cadence from keep driving.
harry...there are so many 1D songs that i'll probably forget, but from my memory - perfect, if i could fly, olivia, stockholm syndrome, where do broken hearts go, happily, there's debate about something great because harry wrote it with jacknife lee and gary lightbody not long after taylor wrote the last time with them, and taylor and harry wrote songs (that have never seen the light of day, it's mentioned here) together at that point.
unreleased, there's half the world away, don't let me go, hunger, already home, without you, lay down...that whole spate of demo songs that leaked back in april.
he gave just a little bit of your heart, i love you, and someday to other artists (ariana, alex & sierra, michael buble)
from HS1: meet me in the hallway, two ghosts, only angel, woman, from the dining table
unreleased from HS1: him (which, question...? directly speaks to this situation), baby honey, complicated freak
(a reviewer of fine line said golden was about taylor because of, "i know you were way too bright for me," and i don't think that was his intent, but it permanently stuck in my mind, thank u rolling stone or whoever u were)
when taylor starts with, "good girl, sad boy," it's no joke. when you listen to all those songs, it was a lot of sad boy season.
like i said, this is only glimpses of the story and guessing in putting them together, but it does give us a lot.
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Hi Sarah ☺️👋,
I apologize from the beginning in case you did not understand my meaning, the question was written through Google Translator.
Should we really not care about what goes on behind the scenes in the entertainment industry? I remember that you wrote that We have to take it at face value and not dig into what is happening behind the scenes in order to live a healthy life without carrying this worry, but after watching the oshi no ko anime, this made me think again about the state of the entertainment industry, do we really have to be indifferent to what is happening to our favorite artists not only our kalafina girls but in general. Shouldn't we, at least discuss this matter so that their conditions do not get worse? I feel we should not separate the product from the condition of the person who made it!
Hi there! Don't worry, your message is perfectly clear and fine. I apologise for taking so long to reply, this has been sitting in my drafts forever. This is a tricky topic so it took a while to figure out the best way to map out my reply.
I am assuming that this ask is a direct response to what I wrote HERE? For those who are curious, this is what I had to say to someone who seemed incredibly upset about the current state of Wakana's "relationship" with everyone else from the YK family.
[I]t is not at all healthy to be this invested in public figures and the things they choose to share with us. I fully understand the desire to get more insight but please don’t make your happiness and peace of mind contingent on something that is so completely out of our control.
Let's start with a quick clarification, I am by no means implying that we should take everything at face value. Quite the contrary actually, I am a strong proponent of critical thinking, it's crucial to look at things from a nuanced perspective, to read between the lines and educate ourselves on all the finer details before making any sort of assumption based on surface-level observations. Many fans operate on misconceptions and tend to jump to conclusions because they heavily rely on unverified news and brief snapshots without taking all the available facts into account. This is why I often feel the need to make elaborate explanation posts. I just want to keep people grounded and stop them from coming up with unfounded theories.
I am also not trying to tell people to be completely indifferent towards what is happening behind the scenes of the entertainment industry. The Japanese entertainment industry is indeed very harsh and genuinely messed up. It's impossible to not feel affected when you hear news of celebrity su!c!des and see some of those horrible conditions our favourites are subjected to. Being conscious of these issues while engaging in fan activities is a good thing and completely normal but it's very unhealthy to let your whole life become consumed with worry over someone whose mental/physical state and situation we are incapable of fully understanding.
Because you see, even with access to a vast amount of knowledge, we as fans have to realise that we'll never get the "full picture". The extent of our involvement is incredibly limited. There are boundaries we have to respect, there are lines we aren't allowed to cross, there are things which are purposefully kept from us. The truth of the matter is that regardless of how deep we try to dig into what is going on behind the scenes, regardless of how much we discuss the situation or how many possible theories we come up with while endlessly worrying, it won't ever lead us to satisfactory results, it won't bring us any closer to knowing more about the "real" condition of the people we idolise. So why should we sacrifice our mental well-being over something that's so far removed from us? It's utterly pointless. Hence my above advice to not get too caught up in this mess.
I am not sure if you are familiar with the term but when fans get overly invested in the lives of idols, celebrities and public figures, it's a slippery slope towards developing a so-called parasocial relationship with them. This sort of relationship is based on delusions, meaning fans fool themselves into believing they have a deep connection to that person (or rather, the "idea" of said person) which may lead to a false sense of intimacy and ownership. But make no mistake, despite what fans may think, we have very little insight into the lives of these public figures and while they have a considerable amount of influence over us, we have comparatively little influence over them. In reality, most things are completely out of our control. We often have no choice but to watch things unfold from the sidelines.
My point is, take everything with a grain of salt, thoroughly acquaint yourself with the topic, stay respectful, be aware of your limits and come to terms with the fact that you are not really in a position to save or help them when it comes to personal matters. Don't compromise your own well-being by getting entangled in a mess that's beyond our control. It sounds harsh but as fans we are quite powerless in that regard. All we can really do is support and appreciate the content (or "product" as you say) our favourites create and have faith that their "real condition" at least somehow resembles the positive image they choose to present to us.
And yeah, I am self-aware enough to know that this all sounds hypocritical coming from someone like me who has always been quite vocal about being crazily obsessed with Kalafina. I'd call myself an extremely dedicated fan who is very much invested in the lives of the Kalafina members. Still, I believe I know where to draw the line and that has more or less kept me sane throughout the years.
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I’m trying to put together a coming out post for my friends and family on Facebook. Would anyone mind reading it and telling me if you think it looks good? Like if you think it will make enough sense even to people who don’t know much about the community. Also if there’s any typos lol.
Pride month seems like a good time to come out and say I’m transmasc nonbinary. That means my gender is sort confusing and hard to explain. Simply put, I am something in between but closer to a man. I am definitely not a woman. My pronouns are they/them and he/him. I’m not really sure which I prefer at the moment, I think maybe they/them. But I do know that I do not want to be called she/her.
This may seem like it’s coming out of the blue to some, but I assure you that I’ve known I wasn’t a girl for many years. I didn’t always have the words to describe how I was feeling and I didn’t always know exactly what and who I was, but I knew something was different about me compared to my female friends growing up. I started feeling uncomfortable in my own body the moment I started growing breasts as a child. Though it took me a long time to fully understand why.
I’ve kept quiet about it because I didn’t want to upset certain people and thought it would be easier to hide. I even tried to convince myself it wasn’t true for a long time. Because everything would be easier if it wasn’t. But I’m 30 years old now. And I’m tired of living a lie. I can’t pretend or ignore it anymore.
I started wearing a chest binder about a month ago and just that small change has made me so happy. I can finally see myself in the mirror. I don’t think most people even notice but it makes me feel more like myself than I ever have before. There’s no going back now.
If you read all of this and still INSIST on calling me she, girl, woman, pretty, lady, etc. that’s your choice. But I’ll know it’s because you don’t respect me and I won’t feel obligated to show you any respect in return.
#me ranting#I am scared about posting it#but I CANNOT wear a dress to my aunt’s wedding this September#I will be miserable#and the pictures will be FOREVER#I’m too old to keep up this act#I just wanna be me
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Masa's Thoughts on Chiyoda Division
Fusao Ise
"Ah, Mr. Ise. A bright, intellectual man. I believe some of our equipment here in the church, our loudspeakers and such, were all manufactured by his company, Wonder⇓anD Sound Systems. Brilliant company, and brilliant equipment, if I do say so myself. You are truly an amazing man, Mr. Ise. Truly, truly, amazing, indeed." Masa says all this with a smile on his face. He sits down at a desk, placing his hands in front of him, still smiling. He then sighs, almost with a regretful tone.
"It's because of your intellect and enthusiasm that I respect you so much. ...And it's because of that, that I simply cannot understand why, for the life of me, you'd choose to work against me instead of with me to create a new and more perfect world. You insult my vision, my work, my church, call me out of my name, and try to prevent me from bringing more followers into the fold. If those were the only issues, I could have easily forgiven you. Because believe it or not, Mr. Ise, all of those things I am quite used to. I am quite used to dealing with the ignorant and those who don't fully understand my methods. And as I stated, if those were your only sins, I could have easily let them fall to the wayside."
"...But." Masa's voice takes a sudden change as a frown appears on his face. "The one thing I cannot forgive you is your heinous acts against my good friend, Eiji Noguchi. Eiji-san and I... we have a mutual relationship. And though he and I don't always agree, we are friends, as well as partners. And if you aren't aware of this, Mr. Ise, it's that I look out for my friends. Whatever problems or troubles they are going through, I do my best to help solve them. So to hear that you have been giving him no end of trouble... it upsets me. It upset me... very, very much."
"I don't know what your issues with Mr. Noguchi are, Mr. Ise. And to be perfectly honest, I do not care. But I strongly advise that you take whatever issues or problems you have him and get over them. If not, I won't be responsible if anything... untoward happens to happen to your company. Do give that some thought."
Raiden Otoha
"Raiden, my old friend!" Masa gives a small grin at the self-proclaimed scientist. "A shame you ran off the way you did. Juu was so upset, as was I. You were probably one of the few people who managed to get away from her, and she didn't like that. Not one bit. So... she, unfortunately, took out her anger and frustration on your dear older brother. My apologies for that. I assure you, his injuries weren't as bad as they looked! ...Well, okay, they weren't as bad as they seemed. ...Actually, you know what? Forget I said any of that. It's a sin to lie after all. Plus, I feel I'm doing Juu and my followers a disservice by saying that. I'll just say this, instead: what happened to him wasn't meant to happen, but it did. And if you need someone to blame for that, then I suggest you look in a mirror."
"I understand you may feel anger, or get a sense that what happened to your kin was wrong. But I've always found that one should always strive to look on the positive side of things. For all that your brother went through, he proved one thing: he was far stronger than you could ever hope to be. The fact he survived what happened to him proves it. ...But do not worry, my child. For I promise you, at the D.R.B., I shall extend to you the exact same punishment. And when it is over, I shall leave your fate to Ippei. He's been wanting to get his hands on you for the longest now."
Chiyuri Seiguni
"A curious child, if I must say so. Though he looks human, he lacks that, shall we say, spark that makes him as such. Of course, I mean that in as a positive manner as I can. After all, far be it for me to judge a child. I'd have to like to have made him one of my followers, but it seems my old friend, Raiden, persuaded him not to. Such a shame. I wanted to find out more about him, not only to learn of his past, but also because Oki, himself, was interested in him, which was a shock. Apparently, Oki thinks that he knows this boy from somewhere, but cannot recall where. Perhaps he knows something about the two years that Oki has been gone. If that is true, then I certainly need to make contact with him as soon as possible, regardless of what Raiden says or thinks."
狂音INC.
"Quite a fascinating team you've come up with, Raiden. A shame you couldn't see past your own ego or your own foolishness. If you had, we could have done amazing things together, along with your brother. But, if I must dirty my hands to get you to open your eyes and teach you a lesson, then so be it. I shall see you at the D.R.B., old friend. I'm certain our match will be one to remember. I'm going to provide you and your team with my very best scriptures."
#hypmic#hypnosis mic#hypnosis microphone#hypmic oc#hypnosis mic oc#ginza division#last judgment#masa judice#chiyoda division#kurune inc.#fusao ise#raiden otoha#chiyuri seiguni
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I'm gonna make a metaphor for social norms/manners/expectations,and this is probably stupid but I'm just going to say it anyways,that's all under the cut:
Imagine a burger. This is a very special burger. It does not change,it stays the same. It never goes old and rotten. Everybody else respects the burger. This seems silly,doesn't it? It's just a burger that doesn't get spoiled. There are more important things in the world. But that doesn't matter to them. You are not allowed to touch the burger, unless it's under very specific circumstances. Nobody will tell you why this burger is special,or why you can't touch it,it's assumed you already know by default,and you will looked down upon if you ask questions. If you do not know these rules already,and you break them then you will be punished, through verbal or physical means. But you're only allowed to touch the burger in specific way during those specific times. If you fail to touch it in only the allowed ways in the allowed periods of time,then again you will be punished. Don't look at the burger in the "wrong way" because that's disrespectful If you fail to memorize and follow these rules,you are seen as a failure and need to be corrected to be seen as an valid member of society.
That's what table manners,forced eye contact,no stimming,masking Speech differences,not talking about taboo things,dress codes and such are like to me. They usually make no sense,but I'm not allowed to ask people to make sense of them,so I can better understand and follow the rules. Instead I'm expected to know about, comprehend,and perfectly follow all social rules by default. I am not hardwired to do that,quite the opposite. Yet I am demonized and looked down upon for this innate part of me,even though I mean no harm.
Here's an example of that
Me: *doing bfrpb to self soothe/regulate, fully aware how it could upset other people, so I try to hide it from them*
My mother: STOP DOING THAT. That's gross/annoying! You don't want other people to see you and be embarrassed, do you?
Me: what's wrong with it? Why should I have to stop? I don't understand.
My mother: do not talk back to me, carissa. If you're not going to listen, then we're not getting *safe foods or drinks or stim tool/comfort object I picked out* and we are leaving. Are you listening to me? Don't give me an attitude. People will think I'm a bad mother if you do that. Do you want them to think I'm a bad mother?
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Hello ouo/
sorry, i was going through your blog but i am having a hard time to get to know about your characters enti and bug.
Can you talk about them please?
Who are they? :0
of course ! bare with me here, i will be talking a lot about these two .
c / tw : murder mention
so enti and bug are two original characters that i created for one of my ava alternate universes, entity second .
to understand enti’s and bug’s abilities and character , i need to dive into some background knowledge . i haven’t published ( or really written ) any content for entity second , mainly because i have a lot of canon - centric content i need to focus on right now . but what happens is that during ava shorts episode 4 , the showdown , when second recovers rygb , enti ... takes second’s place .
now , it may seem strange . how did enti “take second’s place”? what did they do ?
to sum it up , enti ( and bug ) has abilities coded into them that allows them to steal and mimic the identities of people they’ve killed . so enti takes second’s place by murdering and mimicking them . bug has these same abilites . when they successfully kill a target , they learn basic information about the person that allows them to better imitate them ; pronouns , age , basic relations . nothing too in depth , for example let’s take second and enti . enti knows that second has friends , they know that alan created them , but they don’t know why or how they became friends with who they were friends with .
not only that , but there are noticeable differences in a person when they’re shapeshifted into someone .
they’re not drawn here , but enti and bug have permanent claws when in someone else’s body . they both have irises that resemble their own respective eyes , and a different set of alterations . when bug is imitating someone , they’re always drooling . when enti is imitating someone , their hue darkens . ( 24% multiply with enti’s color )
as for personalities and character ,
enti at first is very hostile . they try to charge at anyone they find , tear them into shreds . though later on ( as shown in the cgvl if you’ve seen the posts they’re in ) , they mellow out and grow more soft / kind-hearted . couldn’t hurt a fly unless they really had to .
meanwhile bug is somewhat of an opposite of enti’s current behavior . they’re extremely irritable , makes a lot of death threats and gets upset and any mild inconvenience . though they seem rude and agitated to other people , to enti they’re sometimes sweet .
some extra info !
bug and enti are siblings . they may seem like twins , but they were born on different days , so they can’t fully be considered twins .
bug uses they / it ; enti uses they / them
enti and bug are both intersex and on the aroace spectrum
if you have any questions or need more clarification , shoot me an ask ! i’d love to talk about these two ^^
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Small Reminder
When I was younger, I used to get upset at my older RP friends because it felt like they were never as dedicated to RP as I was. It was frustrating at times, hoping to help inspire them for something when it ended up being nothing.
Now that I am of said age bracket I completely understand why it is they were like that. As much as they would WANT to RP on the regular, they were also content with just talking about HCs, posting art/screenshots, and existing in a safe space -- which I fully respected then and respect now. I have found myself falling into that same head space.
But why? When did this happen? Well, because I just have a lot other things to worry about, and while I can't be made to RP all the time, I do think of it fondly and with adoration for those who CAN partake full-time.
Meanwhile, I sit at my desk, plotting my course of action for the potential of selling our house and moving elsewhere. The finances involved. The bills. Realtors. What will become of our mortgage -- all of which are REAL responsibilities and REAL anxieties that no one really wants to deal with, but one day, you gotta. One day, you will. So it's not that older people DON'T wanna RP, but because we're so overwhelmed with so much shit in our lives (and this year was a real eye-opener for me), and half the time, we're just as lost as younger folk who are also trying to make it out there - those folks who want to commit but simply hanging on by a thread. I feel you.
This all said, never stop being creative. Invoke and enjoy the things you love to do, even with moderation. And while your age should never define nor limit access to your hobbies and enjoyment, be mindful of the people of are trying to do the same - even if it's to a lesser degree. We all want to enjoy the same thing, but leave room in your heart and mind to respect those who cannot commit fully. We want to, trust me. But the sad truth is, reality takes precedence over fantasy - that has always and will forever be the main core rule of RP. In the same vein, please show love and patience for those trying their best to enjoy the experience, too.
♥ Zombie Dad
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