#i watched her on youtube years ago like when she first came out as bi | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

agapintheskin · 2 years

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Hi,

Thank you for your latest post. It really resonated with me. I (a 26 year old woman) recently came out as bisexual, after years of suppressing my true feelings. (When I say “years”, I mean approximately 15 years.) And as weird/ creepy as it sounds, watching mlm shipping videos on YouTube was my first step into self discovery. (This was actually how I discovered Skam! 😂) Then, I started following shows that portrayed such relationships. And even though I am not male, something about them really resonated with me. At the time I had no idea what it was. But I remember feeling so incredibly guilty about doing it. My inner biphobia questioning my motives: was I not just “so heterosexual” that I just wanted to see as many dudes as possible? 💀 (spoiler alert: I wasn’t 😆)

That was roughly 3-4 years ago. Anyways, from there, I started exploring queer culture. Mainly because I “wanted to be an ally” and somehow felt really at home there. (I have many queer friends and am member of a very open minded sorority, with lots of people queer people. But again: nothing clicked in my repressed dumbass mind!) Reading articles and books, but most of all: listening to music! (Troye Sivan, thanks for your invaluable contribution! 💚) And slowly, my focused broadened itself (to all sorts of queer couples) and I realised my interest went further than just curiosity.

So, about 2 years ago, I started to realise that maybe I am queer. That the first person I ever fell in love with was actually a girl (it was at summer dancing camp -> we learned all sorts of dance from ballroom to hiphop and linedancing, she was fifteen and I was twelve, she openly proclaimed “I am bi” and I was smitten 🥰) and till this day I can’t forget about her. And that maybe all my “I appreciate this beautiful woman” was a little more than just “appreciation”.

Anyways, after peeling of layers of biphobia during 2020 (first I doubted whether I really was bi -> “am I not just seeking attention/ making a fuss?”; then I started resisting it “I don’t want this -> I don’t want yet another reason for standing out in a crowd”; then I wondered if it was just a phase -> I wasn’t doing well so maybe that influenced how I was feeling; then I just felt completely desperate -> “what the hell am I going to do with this.!”), I finally came to a point of acceptance early this year. Throughout this year, I have informed all important people about me being bi. And I couldn’t be happier now.

Although it still feels like a struggle; accepting that my future plans have changed (enriched but still changed), but also accepting that I sort of lived a “lie” in the past. And idk, just accepting the whole idea of being bisexual and exploring what that means to me. I consider my bisexuality as a holistic identity (it’s not just being attracted to guys and gals, but influences all aspects of me). How I view myself (even my gender), how I see the world (more shades of grey it seems), how I experience my body, what I am to others, but also how this relates to religion and spirituality. Unrelated, but I would’ve liked if previous “Evak” seasons had paid more attention to this stage of exploration. Instead of just offering a love interest and proceeding to create drama around said love interest.

But what I wanted to say: the external gaze of seeing myself (a woman) but in a parallel universe (mlm) helped me so much to be reintroduced to myself. To get to know “me” again and who I am and who I love. And yes, every time I read people dismissing that as “fetishisation”, I get triggered again and feel really dirty somehow. I am sure there are women (or people who feel that), but in my mind that’s just a fraction of responses. And for all I care, these people can just…slip on a banana peel.

So thank you for your post. I do like Sascha and Isi together. Maybe not as a ride-or-die ship (even queer people can have fragile relationships that they need to figure out right? another perspective I missed a little bit in Skam), but that’s mainly because there are a lot of complicating factors here. First and foremost Ava, and then Isi figuring out who they are and the distorted power balance between them and Sascha. Yet, my lovely Discord community is of a different opinion. (Mainly bc Sascha is “another white cis male love interest.) And that often makes me feel inaccurate. But your post provided great comfort.

Thank you.

Love,

— Thel. 💝

Thank you so much for this message!

First of all, congratulations on coming out, it took me an eternity as well so I feel you there!! 🎉

I genuinely fail to see why people use the fetishisation argument as their first attack when it's in most of the cases not just wrong but also paints gay relationships as inherently sexual and something to wank over instead of a means to self discovery and just wanting positive queer representation in media. Especially when skam/its remakes (but also other queer friendly media) has helped so many people to understand themselves and find acceptance.

Unfortunately there's a lot of gatekeeping in the queer community and misogyny is deeply ingrained everywhere. So when women actually like something there MUST be something wrong with it.

So yeah that argument is nothing but harmful.

That said I hope there will be a little more calm in the tag, as a nb person I was so excited to see myself represented for the first time and all the fighting just makes it hard to enjoy.

Again thanks for your message and I hope you have a wonderful weekend ❤️❤️❤️

(Imma tag this cause maybe your story might help some people see your side but i can take it out if you want just lmk!)

#Druck

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ultrahpfan5blog · 3 years

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Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Season 5 Retrospective

Finished season 5 rewatch a few days ago. Season 5 was an eventful year for the show, on and off the screen. Off screen the show got cancelled on Fox, had a huge public outcry over the cancellation which included several celebrities, and then got picked up by NBC all in 48 hours. It was an exhilarating time as a B99 fan. Lot of stuff happened on screen as well, Jake and Rosa were in prison, team got them out, Jake and Amy got engaged, Rosa came out as bisexual to the precinct and her parents, Holt was in the running to be NYPD Commissioner, Amy became a Sergeant, and then Jake and Amy got married. Eventful season to say the least. Its also my favorite season of the show.

Honestly, this season is about as close to perfection I felt with a season. In other seasons there are at least an episode or two which I felt were meh or problematic. Season 5 is near flawless. I think Return to Skyfire is the weakest of the episodes but its still pretty fun. There are several episodes of season 5 that all rank in the top 10 B99 episodes in my opinion. The show also takes some risks with a couple of experimental episodes. There are episodes with a lot of heart, there are episodes that absolutely hilarious, there are ensemble episodes, there are two hander episode. some excellent new guest stars, and many great recurring stars.

I think the two prison episodes are pretty interesting. Tim Meadows as Caleb is absolutely amazing. He is so likable and low key hilarious that the fact that he's a cannibal who eats children always feels like a dark surprise. He and Andy Samberg make for a fun duo. The first of the two episodes is particularly fun. The show doesn't hesitate to show the danger of Jake being in the prison, especially the situation he finds himself by the end of the premiere. The show does connect one story to the next pretty seamlessly with the end of the Melanie Hawkins story connecting the the Seamus Murphy story which then connected to the Holt commissioner story. There are also a couple of really good experiments in experiments and story with The Box and Show Me Going. The Box is B99 at its most confident. Apart from Gina very briefly at the beginning and Boyle very briefly at the end, the entire episode really hinges on only three characters. Jake, Holt, and Sterling K. Brown's Dr. Davidson. Its a brilliant showcase for all three actors and all three characters. I believe Brown got a Guest Actor Emmy nomination for his performance and he's brilliant as the smarmy Dentist who really is in control for majority of the episode. Braugher and Samberg were old pros with their dynamic at this point and this is fantastic Jake and Holt episode because you completely get why Jake wants so badly to prove that he's right in front of Holt why being cast as the screw up and the idiot in the interrogation frustrates him so much because we know how much Holt's approval means to him. We also see why Terry call Jake his best detective back in season 1 because of how he riles up Davidson to get the confession at the end and getting the approval of Holt that he wanted. Its an incredibly satisfying episode and one of the show's best imo. Then there is also 'Show me Going' which is a surprisingly tense episode in which nothing tense actually happens on screen. The episode does a great job working with the fact that the only knowledge the squad has is that Rosa is on the scene of an active shooter situation. Basically we are in the same situation as the characters. Since all the characters are on edge, so are we. The show does a nice job balancing humor and recognize the danger of the situation.

The season has probably my favorite B99 episode and definitely by fav B99 Halloween episode with HalloVeen. Whereas the last three Halloween episodes were predictable or spoiled from the promos, this one actually threw a genuine surprise. I knew Jake and Amy would get engaged some point in the season, but I expected it to be on the much hyped 99th episode. Instead it can much earlier with HallowVeen and its a delight from start to finish. Its great to rewatch the episode because you pick up little signs that Jake was a bit more desperate to win than usual. First when he says that planning for the heist is what got him through prison time, and then when he says to Boyle that he has to win this time and this heist is way too important. On first watch, these details just slip by as regular overzealous Jake but they have additional poignancy on repeat. The actual proposal moment is handled beautifully in a very peraltiago way where it is both funny and romantic, with Charles' reaction being the cherry on top. There are quite a few strong related episodes that follow. The Venue being a fun return with the Vulture, Two Turkeys being a TWW reunion with Smits and Whitford returning as Amy and Jake's fathers. Its a better Thanksgiving episode than the previous season Smits appearance. Bachelor/ette party is another glorious episode with wild, fun shenanigans with Reginald VelJohnson appearing as himself. Jake & Amy is a very typical wedding episode where everything goes wrong but its perfect in all the right ways. Its heartwarming and sweet. You get more examples of how Jake and Amy are perfect for each other with Jake knowing the inside and outs of how Amy stresses out, and then ending on a wonderful B99 wedding with Fred Armisen returning to make a cameo appearance as Mlep(clay)nos. The episode was designed to work as a series finale since the potential for cancellation was there and while it leaves the season on a cliffhanger about Holt's job, its the sort of cliffhanger that we could have interpreted positively if the show hadn't gotten picked up by NBC.

The 99th and 100th episode of the show were also memorable. The creators chose to acknowledge the 99th episode in a way that most shows acknowledge the 100th episode, in true 99 style. Its a full ensemble episode barring the absence of Chelsea who would return on the 100th episode. Its a typical road trip episode which kickstarts the Holt commissioner storyline. It also is the episode where Rosa comes out as Bi to Charles. This was obviously a big story for Stephanie since she is bi as well and she championed this story. It gets explored in further depth next episode, but Stephanie Beatriz gets to do some of her best work in these two episodes, showing her vulnerability without losing her toughness. Game Night honestly feels very true to not just coming out as Bi to your parents but true to any child who has to confess something that would be against their conservatives parents' values. I think Game Night is a fantastically bittersweet episode and Danny Trejo is brilliantly cast as Rosa's father. The episode positions him as the parent whose reaction Rosa is most worried about and I love how they show that while its difficult for him to grasp the concept bisexuality, he comes around to accepting it and accepting Rosa. But the episode is still bittersweet with Rosa's mom not having come to terms with it. Its also an excellent Rosa and Jake episode where we see Jake endure incredibly uncomfortable situations to help Rosa. Its a characteristic that helps make Jake so endearing that he's willing to cross all limits for his friends.

There are lots of fun and hilarious episodes in between. Craig Robinson shows up as Doug Judy in The Negotiations which is another fun ep. Kevin and Jake get a great episode dealing with their dynamic in Safe House. Rosa and Amy have some fun in White Whale as the Sleuth Sisters. Pimento returns in Gray Star Mutual for some more crazy shenanigans. Gray Star Mutual also has my favorite cold open of all time with Jake leading a suspect lineup in a rendition of 'I got it that way', totally forgetting the crime that he's got the lineup for. Its pitch perfect and I've lost count of how many times I've seen that cold open on youtube. It basically has its own fanbase and introduced so many people to B99. We also get to see Naseem Pedrad as Jake's sister Katie and the end up having a cute dynamic. David Fumero shows up in The Puzzle Master. There are also pretty funny episodes dealing with some serious subject matter such Jake dealing with his own doubts in his ability to do his job after Prison in Kicks and Holt dealing with gambling addiction in Bad Beat. All handled very sensitively.

All in all, this was a fantastic season for the show. I had a blast rewatching it and it ended the Fox era in spectacular note. A 9.5/10. Now on to season 6.

#b99 #brooklyn nine nine #brooklyn 99 #raymond holt #jake peralta #terry jeffords #amy santiago #rosa diaz #charles boyle #gina linetti #andre braugher #andy samberg #melissa fumero #terry crews #stephanie beatriz #joe lo truglio #chelsea peretti #peraltiago #sterling k brown

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sixteenthshen · 3 years

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Episode 1 Notes/Meta

Contains minor spoilers up to Youtube's schedule and references to the novel

Since I don’t have any new episodes to watch until Friday, I decided to watch the drama all over again, very closely, to see if there’s anything new to discover.

Zhou Zishu's character:

Drama immediately sets the backdrop/tells us why his character is kinder, more compassionate than in the novel. We don't know that drama!ZZS is kinder yet at this time, but we can see that he's schemey and sneaky

He wears a mask of indifference as the Window of Heaven's leader (sorry ZZH, I was wrong. I thought your acting was stiff during one scene, but now I know better). It's one of the many subtle faces of ZZS.

Wen Kexing's character:

He must be a highly-skilled martial artist based on how easily he kills two ghosts and that he can spot another skilled martial artist from a distance (beggar Zhou)

He's quite schemey. First, when he orders all his subordinates out to hunt for a man he just killed. Next, when he lets Gu Xiang go to check on the beggar, he's also subtly using her to test that unknown person's martial arts skills.

Why they're soulmates:

WKX understood immediately what "beggar" Zhou was doing (suntanning)

They're both well-matched schemey bastards

Behind the cut, geographical details and some details about the supporting characters. This is a very text-heavy post FYI

In chronological order:

20 years ago, Rong Xuan was killed by the Five Lakes Alliance and the gathered heroes.

Prince Jin is based far away in the North (Hedong 河东), where he holds power. It implies most of the story later takes place closer to the south of China.

Prince Jin ordered the Window of Heaven (TC in short, for Tian Chuang) to assassinate the Military Governor of Zhenwu (Officer Li). The Zhenwu Army is located somewhere around Inner Mongolia today.

Prince Jin falsely claims the Military Governor is a traitor to the country and has him assassinated. Prince Jin harbours treasonous thoughts, and in turn, makes ZZS and TC traitors.

Officer Li recognized Zhou Zishu by sight (calls him Officer Zhou), which means that they must have met previously somehow. He is shocked to know that ZZS is the leader of TC, so TC must be a secret assassin/spy organization (like an ancient CIA)

Zhou Zishu gets a drop of blood on his sword and flicks it off – he does not like blood.

Princess Jing An knows ZZS and first calls him Zhou shixiong (her first instinct is to use a familiar address). She later changes it to Officer Zhou when she realizes what he did.

Princess Jing An quotes, "The flowers blossom in all four seasons, knowing everything in the world", which makes ZZS turn to look at her - he sees the hairpin that his shidi Qin Jiuxiao made for the one he loves. ZZS gets super sad.

This line of poetry refers to the Four Seasons Manor (ZZS's martial arts sect)

ZZS, during his time as a court official, intentionally has a blank mask, so his emo is seen only in his slightly teary eyes. Removing this mask is also part of the freedom he seeks. Possibly symbolic that he feels freer living behind a physical mask than he does with his face.

Prince Jin ordered ZZS to personally nail the seven nails into Bi Chang Feng (Uncle Bi). It seems somewhat cruel of the Prince. ZZS walks with 2 of his commanders – Duan Pengju and Han Ying.

Uncle Bi calls ZZS Manor Lord (庄主)*. He says he cannot help but suspect the motives of Prince Jin. ZZS shows a slight reaction to this. He knows the motivations of Prince Jin by now. Not only is he a traitor himself, but he dragged all his 81 men down with him.

This is the root cause of ZZS's different personality traits in the drama and novel. I think his character in both the book and drama adaption is similar, but his additional compassion stems from being placed in different circumstances.

Novel!ZZS did terrible things for the right reasons. As a result, he won't feel as guilty and has less reason to be so compassionate.

Drama!ZZS followed the wrong master, and the awful things he did were for treasonous reasons. There's no justification for the lives he took. Because he did worse things, he's better able to "see the light" and understand things in life better. Therefore, kinder.

The motto of the Window of Heaven (as requested by Prince Jin):

The members are to carry out their missions without leaving a trace (shadow without traces)

Once a person enters TC, they're never to leave (entry without exit.)

To know everything and to be everywhere.

When the camera cuts to ZZS's two senior officers, Han Ying shuts his eyes sadly while Duan Pengju has a slight smile on his face 🤨🤨.

Nails of Seven Torments (七窍三秋钉) – seven nails, each to be driven into the seven primary acupoints (for martial arts) in a person's body. After that, a person won't get to see more than three autumns. They would lose their martial arts ability entirely, and their five senses deteriorate over time, preventing the secrets of TC from being leaked. (see #2 of their motto)

ZZS does not like anyone who's not from his sect to call him Manor Lord, as it's a reminder of his failings. He doesn't think he has the right to be called that any longer since he ruined his sect.

Prince Jin calls ZZS by his name directly (Zishu); it implies a certain level of familiarity. However, ZZS hasn't been presented himself in front of Prince Jin in some time, suggesting he has already distanced himself from Prince Jin (and a certain level of disrespect)

From Duan Pengju, we learn that ZZS hadn't taken up his sword much in the past year due to a lingering injury; this time at the Military Governor's residence was the first time he wielded his sword in a while.

DPJ also uses this word again (又) in Chinese to describe ZZS aggravating his injuries again (that isn't in the YT subs), which implies that he has suffered other internal injuries before, not solely from QJX's death. DPJ is subtly suggesting to Prince Jin that ZZS is no longer very fit and not suitable for his role (shows us his ambition).

ZZS's current injury (that Uncle Bi refers to and why he coughed up blood in the snow) came about after Qin Jiuxiao's (shidi) death. He coughed up blood then and fainted.**

ZZS's residence is called Chongming Garden (重明苑), where he has a mural of 82 white flowers and the line of poetry about the Four Seasons Manor. He paints each flower red when one of his original sect members pass away. There's only one white flower left --- himself. See this link for a more detailed translation.

ZZS scolds a vision of his shidi not to cry. ZZS's assertion that men shouldn't cry comes up several times later. His eyes only get teary after this scene, and not a single tear falls again (still canon for now).

ZZS has an official court position. He's an Imperial Guard with some seniority, and it's likely why the Military Governor calls him Officer Li. (A governor would not call a low ranked Imperial Guard “Officer” 大人 daren)

ZZS has several battle wounds from a blade, but the ones on his back (shoulder blades) look messy. Not sure what they are yet, but I think it could become relevant later.

Prince Jin appears unstable when he talks about everyone leaving him. Yunxing and Beiyuan are both characters from Lord Seventh. Beiyuan is the titular character of that novel. When Prince Jin said, "Beiyuan is gone too", ZZS displays a minute reaction because he knows Beiyuan isn't actually dead.

Prince Jin says ZZS is ruthless, but he's even more so to himself (recurring description).

Here, we see that ZZS knows of DPJ's ambition to take over his job when he says they both get their wishes today. DPJ becomes the new TC leader.

Prince Jin lets ZZS go. As he watches ZZS leave, he recites two lines from a poem, which title roughly translates to "on one's deathbed/imminent death".***

“涓涓江汉流，天窗通冥室。谗邪害公正，浮云翳白日。” Small streams can become large rivers; even a window as small as a skylight can brighten a dark room. Rumours and evil can harm the public good; clouds can block the bright light of the sun.

There's some foreshadowing here. Prince Jin sees ZZS leaving as a threat. It could be that one person leaving TC "standing" may lead to an exodus or that ZZS knows too much to be left alive outside for long. Prince Jin sees himself as the righteous and the sun here. He follows the recital by saying he's only letting ZZS go for now.

ZZS's beggar styling is supposed to juxtapose his strict and neat dress as the leader of TC, including his hair and overall CBAssed-ness of how his clothes hang.

Hanged ghost died super quick. We see an arm covered in a red sleeve strangle him to death. Red sleeve dude seems to be the head of the Ghost Valley (yaaaaa we know who you are)

WKX lies to the masses about the Hanged Ghost and tells them to set forth out of the Ghost Valley. We can see that all of them are scared of him. He has a scheme -- but we don’t know what it is yet.

WKX and ZZS meet (yay!!!) in Yue (modern-day Zhejiang, in the south), far away from Prince Jin. We should note that this is very far away from the North, where Prince Jin and TC hold power.

ZZS would rather be a beggar than the Emperor. The freedom to live and do whatever he chooses is more important to him than riches or power.

WKX understood what ZZS was doing right away (while GX thinks he's a beggar). This is why they're soulmates!

Gu Xiang's cuteness comes off as a little forced here, but upon re-watching, I believe it's because she hasn't been out in the "human world" before. Her mannerisms are all learned from her life in the Ghost Valley. She's also about ten years younger than WKX, so she's supposed to be more energetic.

WKX allows GX to go down partly because he is curious about the beggar, who seems to be very skilled at martial arts. GX is quite a straightforward and innocent person. She's unaware that she's helping to test the beggar's skills for her master.

WKX notices the ZZS's martial arts and stands up right away. This scene is also more important than it seems to be at first. Later in episode 2, it's revealed that he recognized the beggar's particular martial arts as unique to the Four Seasons Manor sect. I think it's the first hint that beggar Zhou may be "Zhou Zishu". (We find out that WKX knows ZZS's real name in episode 6.)

ZZS intentionally hits himself to make himself seem like a poor injured beggar and GX a bully. It shows that ZZS is sneaky – and again, ruthless, even to himself.

* ZZS is not a real lord. He's the sect leader (Manor Lord comes about because his sect's name ends in Manor, and the address "my lord" comes from Manor Lord). ** This is a fictional type of injury, where people in Chinese historical dramas cough up blood when they suffer severe emotional shocks that cause some unexplained internal injury. *** 《临终诗》

#word of honor #word of honor meta #wen kexing #zhou zishu #not lying about text heavy #1800 words wtf

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onisiondrama · 3 years

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Onision on Kermit and Friends - March 21, 2021

(This video only has 59 views on Youtube. This is probably the smallest audience I've seen for an Onision interview.)

Summary Part 1

The host seems to be a fan of Onision and the co-host says she saw the documentary so she is well aware of Onision, but the show is a safe space and they don't judge.

Host says her and Andy talked about The Banana Song all night.

Host really like that Onision said not to focus at negativity. Says he only focuses on positivity and he's an amazing guy.

The co-host jokes that they will "do the Onision thing" and shave Andy's head, make him film videos, then maybe he'll change his sex.

Andy can't figure out how to join the show.

James joins. It appears he is in his new house.

The host says he said "goodbye" 2 months ago. James says during one of his more dramatic moods. The host asks what inspired him to say goodbye to all of his fans? He says when you work at something for 12 years and it gets torn away from you, you want to take a break. Host asks why it was taken. James says he likes the question. He says the reason why people are losing content these days is cancel culture. Says people have share holders in the stock market and a risk of being canceled themselves and people attack everything they're associated with. He says recently David Dobrik was canceled and he was losing sponsorships because the company doesn't want to go down with them. The companies don't want to lose business when they see someone they sponsor is being boycotted. He says it's business smart, but morally disagreeable.

James says the Discovery+ documentary called for him to be removed from the internet.

Andy appears. Andy says it's a horrible situation for James to be in and tells him he will do fine. James says he fears for the host and Andy because they aren't taking the position of "Anti-Onision" and anyone who goes against them becomes the target of that community. Andy says he doesn't care and he's sticking up for Onision. James laughs and says Andy has his own extensive celebrity experience so he understands how things work in "the biz. "

The host says everyone is at risk of getting canceled and saying anything can get you canceled these days. She says she was pissed off when she watched the documentary because everyone had groupies who want to sleep with them. They come after him and want him, he ignored them, they kept coming, and now he's at fault? Says now he is canceled and Andy is already canceled. She asks who is not in danger of being canceled at this point?

James says people told him not to go on the stream because of Andy Dick. James laughs and says he was told he couldn't work with Andy. He says people hold serial killers and people who make people upset at the same level. He says they have no gauge for morality, it's all the same to them. Says when you cancel someone for being a law abiding citizen who does things by the book and ignore someone who isn't famous and does horrible things, it shows your priorities. He says it's not about right and wrong, it's about who will bring more attention to me and make me look better.

The host asks James to show her one guy who would decline an offer from a hot fan to meet up. Andy points to himself as she's saying this. James says he thinks there is a significant misunderstanding to what she thinks he went through. He says there were no groupies or hot fans.

He says 10 years ago he dates a Canadian pop star, but he uses the term pop star loosely because she never got that huge. Says she had one music video that got over 1 million views. He says she dove into his life, contacted him early December 2010. He points out they showed this in the documentary. He says he responded to her something inspirational because she was talking about how she was on the edge of suicide and he wanted to help her. He wanted to be the person he represented in his videos, someone who does suicide awareness, etc. He says full disclosure, he straight up left his spouse for this person. The host asks if this was Skye, his high school sweetheart. James says not exactly. He says he broke up with Skye when they were 18 and 19 or 19 and 19 because he told her he couldn't make her happy. He joined the air force and she would write him letters.

Drunken Peasants comment "Cry is Kai-ing now." is features. James says "nice" and laughs.

He says he saw there were a lot of military benefits to getting married. Skye was his best friend and he thought it would be great to get benefits and bring her wherever he went. Says he married his best friend, then he fell madly in love with Shiloh. Six months prior he threated divorce because she said because they were married, half of his stuff was hers. He says that wasn't the agreement because he asked for a prenup. He told her if she was in this marriage for half of his things, let's get divorced now. He says she said never mind and if they get divorced she wouldn't try to take his stuff.

James says when Shiloh came along he realized what a real relationship was supposed to be like. He says he could talk for 10 hours about this because it's such a thorough and rich story. Andy says you could talk for years about what it's like going after a girl. James laughs and says, "a little sexist there?"

Andy and the host talks about their relationship. The host says other men she's dated didn't like commitment and never proposed to her. The host says James likes commitment. James says he proposed to 4 people in his life. Andy asks if anyone said yes? James says all 4 said yes. Andy asks then why isn't he married to them? James says he's been married 9 years. Andy asks to all 4 of them?

James says he only knew Adrienne from Texas 2 weeks and he proposed to her.

The host says she's been talking to Andy about James all week, but Andy forgets. Andy says he knows, but he won't bring it up. James says he's willing to talk about almost anything. Andy says he loves this kid and the host says she knew he would. She says he has so many amazing videos and she wants Andy to collab with him. James says before he went on, he was joking if Andy was like "you're a POS" and screamed at him, he'd still be a fan. He says Andy is top 5 comedians. James says Andy's still a comedian because he's made millions laugh. Says Andy took social norm and threw it into a woodchipper and does whatever he wants. He says he never saw a comedian with no limits, other than Sacha Baron Cohen. He says some comedians pretend they have no limits, but censor themselves later on. Says Andy seems to be on the same path, which is amazing. Andy thanks him.

Andy starts to get upset with them comments on the live. James asks if there's comments and takes a look. He says "this is great" and announced he will give them a crash course on the internet. He says there is an algorithm that promotes whatever you want to believe, like if you're a conspiracy theorist that believe in aliens. You keep seeing videos about it and it's an endless cycle of telling you you're right. James says Andy would probably laugh at this concept, but they took countless clips from comedy sketches and framed them as if they were from real life. He says there's one clip where he says mean things to someone, but they don't address he's dressed as the Joker and they're dressed as Harley Quinn.

He says he did countless pranks where people thought they were real. He says he did meltdown video series, which was one of his favorite video series ever. He says he rubbed poop on himself, lived in a box, etc. He says people ate it up and believed it was real even though he left hints in the videos that it was fake because they wanted to believe their pre-existing narrative that he was a nut case. He says it was entertaining until someone showed up to his house, then he stopped doing it. They drank the kool aid to the extent that they brought it to real life. (He's talking about Chris Hansen.) The host asks if it's scary to have people show up. He says it is when you have small children. He says when people show up to your house you think these people need mental help because they don't understand this is fiction. The host asks if this is the main reason he said goodbye? He says it was more an assortment of emotions. The host says he's an emotional guy. James says it depends, he could be. He says he's chill until you put someone he loves in danger. He says on camera he is "whatever I wish to be" because being a character is fun.

The host says she saw him go crazy in a few videos and wondered if he was bi-polar or had depression. He laughs and she says that's something she suffers from, so that's why she asking. He asks, you're bi-polar? She says yes. James says he is not. She asks if he has depression or anxiety. He says he has major depressive disorder and he was diagnosed last year so existential crisis happen often with him. Andy says "boo-mother-fucking-hoo." James laughs and says that's the father figure he needed growing up.

The hosts says she knows his parents divorced when he was 2. She asks if that affected him. He says "probably." She asks if it affected his relationships because he seems to have volatile relationships. She says she's in one currently. Andy asks what does she mean? She says sometimes Andy calls her a cunt. James laughs and says "yeah." James asks if it's a comedian thing to call people cunts? She says it didn't sound very comical. James says he wouldn't take it personally because what matters is if they stand by you, don't hurt you physically, that they give you love, and they don't say anything out of pure hate.

Andy shows a pill to the camera and takes it. The host asks what it was and Andy says muscle relaxer. James looks a little shocked, but mostly amused.

They have fans on to ask James questions. The first one asks if he really chained a girl in his basement. James says that's another thing the conspiracy mill musters up and no one was chained in his basement. The fans says he doesn't get why they would demonetize him because his channels were dead and he wasn't making any money. James says he was actually making money, he was solidly making a living and it was taken away.

The fans asks about the 14 year old James and Kai groomed, he says he's not saying it's true but he was wondering. James says it's not true and that person ( Sarah ) swore on their grandmother's life it wasn't true. He says if you to to Onision.com/IRL it has videos footage and texts of them saying they were not. The fans asks if James thinks he could sue YouTube for suspending him for offline behavior. James says it's hard to find a lawyer that would not mind being bombarded by negative reviews. He says cancel culture affects people with actual jobs too.

The host talks about how she and Andy are trying to find Andy a new place to live. She jokingly says with Onision. James says he's not in an entertainment-friendly place to live. The host asks what he means. He says LA is more relevant. The host asks why he doesn't live somewhere like LA. James says he's more of a rain and clouds person. The host says she always thought he would make a great actor. He says going to LA feels like his eye are being melted.

Another fan comes on. She says she grew up watching Onision and used to be a Patreon of his on and off for a couple of years, but she's more indifferent now. She says she already knows both sides of everything, but she thinks it''s a lot of it is bull crap. She says as someone with a similar mental disorder as said person- she understand why they would flip like that, but it's extremely shitty. James says he wasn't the person who went through all of the horrible things. Yes, he was demonetized and lost a means to make a living off other platforms, but the person they betrayed was the person he's married to. Kai didn't insult or engage, or do anything bad to anyone ever. The fact that their life got ripped apart makes him feel bad that he ever spoke to them. They have a family so it's hard to regret that. He says that's the only person anyone should feel bad for. He kicked someone out of his life, then he made passive aggressive videos about dating people and it leading to the same result. That person took it personally and lashed out. He triggered them and they attacked. Kai did nothing wrong.

They get into a bit(?) about Andy cheating on the host and her exposing him with a video. James just kind of sits there and watches.

The host asks if James is in a committed relationship with his wife. James says Kai is transgender and identifies as a guy. He says he heard the person earlier that implied he changes people's scientific genders. He says he was confused by that. The host just says "yeah" and there's a bit of a pause. James says they are in a committed relationship. She says he used to bring in other people. He says he is committed, but sometimes they were not exclusive. She asks if he has threesomes and orgies. He says not orgies.

They bring in another guest. She says she is new to him, but is familiar with cancel culture. She says it has to have been hard for him and his family. She asks what advice she has for people dealing with this. He says to not engage with anyone. He says people would do things that were illegal and a danger to his family so he kicked them out of his life. He completely isolate himself from them and they would try to hurt him. He says when you are in the public eye and you have a falling out with someone they can destroy you by spreading rumors. He says the Youtuber Anthony Padilla was terrified of getting into a relationship because he didn't want it to go south and his life to be destroyed. He says if you get in a relationship with someone, don't get out of it.

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staeygoldenn · 4 years

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Three’s A Crowd

Summary: Y/N and Natalie go to a Dolan Twins house party and end up having a threesome with Grayson.

Warnings: Mature content. [smut, threesome, choking, ffm]

Word Count: 3.4K

Note: I started writing this like two months ago and finally finished it. Haha Enjoy! ;)

Tags: @aquadolan, @nataliesgringa, @milliondollardolan, @ryxgrantdolan, @vinylhazza, @devilishdolans, @plantbasedgray, @persistenceofmemories, @blindedbythelightt, @dolan-bliss, @episkygrant, @ethanhes, @joyrivh, @dolandolll

You arrived at the Dolan Twins house and there was loud music bumping through. There were pretty white lights up, illuminating the pool out front. “You want a swig?” Natalie handed you a Gatorade bottle. “What is it?” you asked as you started to take a sip. “Everclear, vodka, a white claw,” You choked a little. “Oh and a little Gatorade.” “Yeah I figured from the bottle.” You both giggled. “Let’s go!” You both started walking up the long driveway. “Let me text them.” You looked around the party. There were a lot of people here, some you recognized and some you didn’t. “Oh there they are!” Natalie waved at them. “Hey Nat!” Grayson pulled Natalie in for a hug. “Hi” Ethan hugged Natalie and then they both hugged you. You couldn’t tell if it was the ungodly concoction Natalie made you drink or what but you swore their eyes sparkled. “Hi I’m y/n.” “Nice to meet you.”

Someone shouted and you heard something break. “Yo what the fuck?” Ethan yelled across the lawn. “I gotta go see what happened. Have fun tonight guys.” Ethan walked away. “Can I get you guys something to drink?” Grayson asked. “Sure” Natalie said and the three of you walked into the house. You walked into a beautiful kitchen island with snacks and a big punch bowl on it. “Help yourselves.” “Do you want one?” you offered. “No thanks I don’t drink.” “He throws parties but he doesn’t drink? How does that work?” Nat asked. He giggled. “Basically our friends made this.” “Well if you don’t drink, do you want a snack?” you asked. “Well I can’t have any of the snacks cuz I’m vegan.” “You have shitty friends.” Natalie said. “So you don’t drink and you’re vegan, what do you do for fun?” “I have my ways.” he took a sip from his water bottle. “Well I see all your tattoos.” y/n looked down at his legs. “Yeah that’s kinda my only outlet.” “I’m sure you have others.” Grayson smirked. You coughed. “Well this is a really nice house,” you said looking around. “Yeah, me and Ethan just moved in. Do you want a tour?” “Yes, I’ve been waiting to see the new place.” Natalie said. “Let’s go.” He led you guys back outside. “Well this is the pool. Yo E did you figure out what they broke?” “Yeah the ice sculpture fell.” “Ice sculpture? Why do we have an ice sculpture?” “It was a vibe bro.” “Alright well the vibe is broken. Just make sure nothing else breaks please.” “You got it boss.” Ethan walked away. “It’s a miracle he was born before me.” You both laughed. “Anyway there shouldn’t be any more sculptures so let’s go back inside.” He showed you to his room. “This is my room.” You looked around and immediately noticed the record player and the piano. “You play?” you said rubbing your hand across it. “A little.” “I love Tame Impala.” Nat said looking at his record collection. “Did you go to Coachella?” “Yeah, did you?” “Yeah, you don’t watch David’s vlogs?” she giggled. “I’m kidding.” “Not really. I don’t really watch other YouTubers that much.” “Well then what do you watch?” “What does everyone watch when they’re alone?” he smirked. “Ah gotcha. Well then you know the follow up question.” “What site?” “No, which category?” “I don’t know, whatever’s trending on the Pornhub page, I guess.” “But I mean what really gets you off? Like where you’re so turned on that your heart starts racing and you almost feel bad for watching it but it feels too good to stop?” She raised her eyebrow. “Lesbian?” “Oh, so you like watching two girls together?” “Yeah doesn’t everyone?” “Interesting, well, have you ever had a threesome?” “Almost.” You raised your eyebrows. “Would you wanna have one tonight?” She looked between the two of you. “Right now?” “Yeah” “You seem a little tense from that ice sculpture and this has to be that other outlet you were talking about right?” “Yeah it was.” “I’m gonna go freshen up.” She left and went to the bathroom. “How has Nat never brought you to one of our parties?” “I just moved here, I was in San Francisco but I just moved to LA.” “Oh, cool.” There was a pause. “So did you have fun at Coachella last year?” “Okay you can’t act like that conversation didn’t just happen?” “I mean it's awkward.” You giggled. “I mean what do you think?” “I think your blanket’s really soft,” you rubbed it. “Don’t change the subject,” he grinned. “C’mon tell me what you’re really thinking.” You took a big sip of your drink. “Okay I’ve low-key been in love with my best friend for a couple of years and she looks so hot tonight.” “Oh dang I was thinking both of you were hot, there goes my shot with you.” “I mean not necessarily, I’m bi,” you smiled up at him. “Oh that’s cool. Well I would be honored to be a second option.” he smiled and grabbed your hand. Natalie came back from the bathroom, “So have we decided?” she asked. Grayson looked over at you. “Fuck it.” you said. You got up and kissed her and pulled her on top of you. “Fuck,” Grayson whispered. You pulled away from her and grabbed him by the shirt. “C’mere, second option,” you whispered. He giggled. “Or should I say equal option,” you whispered in his ear. He smiled and kissed your neck. “Hey don’t leave a bitch out.” Nat looked at both of you. Grayson leaned over and they both made out. It was pretty hot. They both pulled away. “So who wants to get eaten out first?” He smirked. “Or we could both suck your dick?” Nat smiled. “But I can’t come first, I gotta save it.” “Fine, let y/n go first. She’s been staring at you all night.” she smirked. “Alright.” He came back to kiss you and it was so intense. Natalie came and kissed your neck. Grayson started kissing down your body. He lifted up your shirt and licked one of your nipples. Nat leaned down and licked the other one. They both kissed down your stomach. He took off your skirt and your underwear. He started passionately kissing your thighs, mixing his saliva with your wetness. Nat started kissing you and rubbing your tits. Gray licked along your pussy lips, teasing you, licking everywhere but where you wanted, no needed him too. “Please,” you moaned out. “Please what?” he asked. “Please lick my clit.” “You do know where that is right?” Nat asked. “Yes, I’ve done this before.” When his tongue moved up about two inches, you could feel he definitely knew where it was. “Fuck” you moaned. He placed his mouth around your clit and started sucking. “Oh my God, Grayson,” you moaned out. “Fuck” Natalie started kissing your neck. “Does that feel good?” she asked. “Hmm,” you moaned and gave her innocent eyes. “Stop Gray you’re gonna make her cum.” she giggled. He kept licking your clit and made you grab onto his hands and held you down. He let go of one of your hands and put two fingers inside you. He curled his fingers and hit your G-spot. “Oh my God,” you cried out. It felt so good, a single tear dripped down your face. “Well that’s not the only thing that’s dripping,” Natalie said, wiping away the tear. “Damn Gray you really know what you’re doing. Are you ready to cum y/n?” “Yeah,” you said. With one rather strong curl of his fingers you felt your toes curl and you came and squirted on his face. He kissed back up your body and kissed you, making you taste yourself. He then made you suck on his fingers. “You taste so good,” he said, licking the rest off. “My turn,” Natalie said. “You’re such a brat.” “I know,” she smiled. They started making out. He started kissing down her body. “Y/n rub her clit since I apparently don’t know where it is.” Natalie pouted. He placed his tongue inside her. “No please Grayson please lick my clit.” “Nah I don’t like being undermined. Y/n can handle that.” He winked at you. “Alright well as long as someone’s going to.” You started kissing down her body and placed your mouth on her clit. Fuck, she tasted good. Grayson kept his tongue inside her. The sound of both your mouths on her was so hot. “Fuck, y/n,” she moaned out. Grayson popped his head up. “Alright so you’re not even gonna moan my name.” “Well you’re the one who refused to lick my clit.” He rolled his eyes playfully and got back to work. “Oh my God, I’m gonna cum,” she grabbed onto your hair and she squirted on Grayson’s face. You kissed Natalie and let her taste herself. Then she kissed Grayson. “Your turn,” she smiled playfully. She pulled off his gray sweatpants. His cock was so hard and leaking precum. “Fuck, I almost came in my pants after tasting both of you.” You kissed him and Nat started kissing down his body. You followed suit. You ran your tongue along his abs and the veins right above his cock. Nat pulled his sweats off revealing his long dick. “Wow” both of you whispered. “What?” He asked. “It’s so big,” Nat said. “And thick,” you added. He blushed. “Well I’m excited.” He leaned back. Nat went for his balls and you went for his length, coating him with your saliva. You took him all the way down your throat. “Fuck,” he moaned out. You felt your pussy dripping more as you felt him in your throat. You looked up at him through your eyelashes. Fuck, he really was so gorgeous. His long hair curling down around his strong jawline which was clenched. His hazel eyes closing and his full lips parting. Damn you really wanted to make him come. Natalie looked so hot with his balls in her mouth. “Please keep sucking my cock. I really wanna come down your throat,” he said looking straight into your eyes. “Hey what about my throat?” Nat asked. “I’m saving yours for your pussy.” He leaned his head back. “Fine, it probably tastes like battery acid anyway.” “Not with my vegan diet.” You giggled around his cock. He winked at you. You continued sucking his cock and stroking him. Natalie sucked his balls. “Fuck I’m gonna come.” He shot his load down your throat. You made out with Natalie so she could taste him too. “Fuck that’s so hot.” “You like watching us swap your cum.” Natalie said wiping some off the side of her mouth and licking it off of her fingers. “Yeah and I’m gonna like it even better when it's dripping out of you.” She giggled. “Lay back” she said. He obliged. She spread her legs to ride him and the sight of her dripping wet pussy made you throb. She slowly slid down his length and he stretched her asscheeks out. His silver Rolex around his wrist made this image even hotter. “C’mere y/n rub her clit for me.” You came behind Natalie and moved your hand down and started rubbing her clit. She moaned and threw her head back. “Keep doing that,” she moaned out. “What are you gonna do with your hands Gray?” “Do you like choking?” he asked. “Yeah but I think y/n would be more into that.” She smiled back at you. “Would you like that?” He asked you. “She’s so submissive for you Gray.” Natalie answered. “I mean yeah basically.” You giggled. You kept rubbing Natalie’s clit and Grayson kept fucking into her. You felt her clench around your fingers and she came. “Fuck” she moaned out. “Your turn,” Natalie turned around and pinned you to the bed and kissed you. Natalie grabbed your tits and ran her hand down your body and started rubbing your clit. “Fuck,” you moaned out. “Look how wet she is for us Gray.” “Yeah it’s pretty hot.” he smirked in a low voice. Grayson grabbed your other tit and ran his hand down your body and rubbed at your entrance. He slowly stuck his fingers in, making you moan. Natalie still rubbing your clit, it was all too much. Grayson took his other hand and wrapped it around your neck. “Is this okay? Do you like that?” “Yes.” you smiled. “I think she’s ready for your cock now.” Natalie said. He pulled his fingers out and lined himself up to your entrance. He slid himself in slowly. Your pussy adjusted to his girth. “Fuck, Gray” you moaned out. “You know what would be hot?” he said. “If Natalie rode your face.” he smirked. “I know you’re a good girl, who can handle both.” A blush crept on your face. “We’ll see who can eat me out better.” Natalie smirked. She swung her thigh over your face and positioned herself. You leaned up to lick at her pussy lips. Her wetness dripped onto your lips. You lapped at her clit and she moaned out your name. Grayson pushed himself in and out of you and started rubbing your clit. It was an overwhelming sensation and you felt that warm familiar feeling in your stomach. His dick felt so good inside you, stroking that perfect spot over and over again. You sucked on Natalie’s clit and you felt her moan vibrate in her thighs. You reached up to grab one of her tits and gently pulled on her nipple. She moaned and you felt her getting wetter and wetter. You fingered her and kept licking her clit. “I’m gonna come, oh my God.” You kept stroking her G-spot and sucking her clit. You felt her convulse and squirt on your face. “C’mon Gray, you gotta make her come too.” “Trying to.” His eyes started to close and he tilted his head back. “Wait I thought you were supposed to come in my pussy?” Natalie said. “Fuck, okay. I gotta take care of her first.” The wet sound of him fucking you, made you close your eyes in ecstasy. He kept rubbing your clit and you loved the tightness of his grip around your throat. Natalie started rubbing your hair and made out with you. “You’re doing so good, taking his cock so well,” she whispered to you. You suddenly came and felt yourself squirt onto his abs. He kept rubbing your clit until you were a bit overstimulated. “That's my girl.” Grayson said and leaned down to kiss your neck. “I think I need a break but I can lean back and watch.” he smirked. “I’ll choose who I’m gonna give my load to.” Natalie gripped your neck and said, “C’mon let’s give him a show.” You both made out while Grayson watched both of you. Precum leaking out of his tip. “I haven’t tasted you yet and I've been dying to all night.” she whispered in your ear. She kissed your neck and gripped your ass. You looked over at Grayson, who was biting his lip and looked very much like he was enjoying himself. His hands behind his head to keep from teasing his cock. She kissed down your body and started licking and sucking on your nipples. “Natalie,” you moaned out. She kissed her way down your stomach and made her way to your thighs. She trailed sloppy, wet kisses up both of your thighs. She kissed and licked up your pussy lips. She licked from your entrance up to your clit and your hips bucked forward. “Fuck,” you grabbed your tits and looked over at Grayson, his eyes filled with lust. She continued licking and sucking on your clit. Your wetness mixed with her saliva, filled the room with its loud, wet sounds. She fingered you and stroked your G-spot. You gripped her hair as she kept eating you out. You loved hearing how wet you were. Grayson came over to the bed and started rubbing your hair. “You're doing so good. Does that feel good? Her tongue on your clit?” “Mmm.” you moaned out. “Are you gonna squirt again?” He smirked. The pleasure was too overwhelming for you to answer. He leaned down to kiss you. She stroked your G-spot a little harder and with her lips around your clit, you came again and squirted on her face. "I thought you were supposed to be watching us.” Natalie said. “I couldn’t resist.” “You wanna taste her?” Natalie offered him her fingers. He sucked your wetness off her fingers and you throbbed. Natalie leaned in to kiss him. “So who gets your load?” “I think we know the answer to that.” he said and looked over at you. “I do love a creampie but our little slut did so good tonight, squirting on both of us.” She smiled and leaned over to kiss you. “Do you want me to come in you?” He looked over at you, his hazel eyes glistening. “Yeah,” you said hazily, still high from the orgasm Natalie gave you. He laid back on the bed. “Come ride me then.” he smirked. “I’m tired.” He giggled. Your wetness dripping down your thighs, you lined your entrance up and sank down onto his length. The sensation of him filling you up, making your thighs burn. You grabbed onto the headboard and started riding him. Your ass slapped against his thighs. Natalie came behind you and grabbed your tits. She kissed your neck and rubbed your clit. Grayson’s cock felt so good inside you. “Fuck, I think I’m gonna come.” He fucked up into you and came inside you, the warm liquid filling up your pussy. You moaned at the feeling and came on his cock and on Natalie’s fingers rubbing your clit. You pulled yourself off and Natalie fingered you, getting some of his cum and letting you taste him. She spread your legs. “Look at your cum spilling out of her, fuck.” “That's hot.” He smirked. You kissed him and made him taste himself. You laid on his chest and Natalie followed suit. “Well that was fun, you guys are definitely coming to all our parties from now on.” “Yeah definitely.” Natalie said looking over at you. You nodded sleepily. You wrapped your arms around Grayson’s chest and grabbed Natalie’s waist. You felt yourself drift off to sleep, Natalie's taste still on your lips and Grayson’s cum dripping out of you.

#writings

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werevulvi · 3 years

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I kinda just wanted to make a rant, to lay out why I feel so iffy about trans women and hopefully get a better understanding of my own feelings and what the fuck is brewing under that surface. There has to be a reason. This post is analytical drivel, not a debate, but by all means, feel free to respond or otherwise talk to me about this. Let's take it from the beginning and then go from there.

Part 1 Detransition:

So, I began detransitioning roughly 2 years ago. That's where my feelings about the trans community as a whole began to shift, and with that my feelings about trans women. At that time, I was still active in a truscum group and came out as detrans there, after having been known and looked up to as a trans man there for over a year. At first I was accepted, but when I started having doubts about wanting to get rid of my beard, and felt like I wanted to embrace my body hair and deep voice... people there started acting like shit towards me. They told me that my biological sex still being female did not matter, that I was essentially a man and had to detrans medically to be considered a woman again. That hurt badly.

Shortly after that, I was also told that because I was medically transitioned, trans women were "more female" than me. That was like the last drop that made the goblet pour over. Fuming, I started saying that I'm more of a woman than trans women can ever be, even if I keep a full beard, because they'll never be truly biologically female, no matter how much surgery they got. I was hurting by their cruel words, so I stuck it where it would hurt them the same. (I’ve always an “eye for an eye” sorta person.) That's when people started telling me that I hate trans women, but I felt like that was a misunderstanding. That I was just acting out, out of sadness, grief, anger, panic, and having my gender denied for the sake of validating trans women's genders.

But were they right?

Part 2 Gender critical thought:

Over time, I got exceedingly gender critical and fell into radblr. I also read/watched content that "exposed" transgenderism as a scam, most of which was articles and youtube videos from conservative right wing people, and Christians. I had joined an fb group for detransitioners, and the creator, a "born again" Christian detrans man, happily shared all the many sources he had on how transgender was all a scam from the start of its movement. I felt somewhat sick consuming those links, but probably equally intrigued. But at the same time, I kept a foot in the trans community, starving for attention, even though I was never good enough for them anymore, unless I lied and said I'm not a woman. What a sick twist of fate, I felt.

Part 3a Sexuality, from a lesbian view:

Sometime around that, I struggled with my sexuality and after a lot on inner search, I came to the conclusion I was a lesbian. I felt as though I was only attracted to the same sex as myself, including trans men, but felt nothing worth praising towards males, including trans women. That led to yet another rabbit hole that I tumbled down into. I became convinced that majority of trans women were lesbophobic predators, and I had some shit luck on dating apps. Most people who approached me there were gnc males; transvestites and trans women. I almost went on a date with a good-looking trans woman whom I had mistaken for female, because I felt guilty for having lost attraction to her the moment she told me she's trans and post-op. Luckily she canceled our date for unrelated reasons. I felt like because she was attractive to me before I knew she's trans, but felt completely uninterested in her after the fact, I couldn't possibly be attracted to trans women.

Part 3b Sexuality, from a bisexual view:

That, of course, is not necessarily a bad thing. But I kept asking myself why. Especially since I realised my error in my sexuality calculations, and upon correction discovered I'm actually bisexual after all. I still find women and transitioned females attractive, and in addition to that also men in general, and some vaguely transitioned males. Except from trans women. That odd little inconvenience stood out as a sore thumb which I couldn't stop scratching. Why? I kept asking myself. Why not trans women?

My question dug deeper than just to attraction. I don't think I feel iffy about trans women because I'm not attracted to them. I think it's the other way around.

I never had to convince myself to be attracted to trans men. I discovered early on in my own transition that some other trans men were really hot. That was it. I later on dated a trans man whom I was head over heals in love with. That confirmed it. I've been questioning my attraction to standard men and women far more than I ever questioned my attraction to trans men. It was that obvious, that clear. However, when it comes to trans women I was always the complete opposite. That no matter how I twisted and turned it, I only ever felt revulsion at the thought of being sexual or romantic with a trans woman. No matter how well or badly they passed, no matter how aesthetically pleasing or how charming their personalities.

I wanna clarify that I'm not at all forcing myself to be into trans women. I'm just trying to understand why, so that I'll no longer feel bad about my lack of attraction to them. Because I cannot accept things which I do not understand.

Part 3c Sexuality, digging for answers:

At first I thought, maybe I'm just not all that attracted to femininity. It's not like I typically get super into hyper-feminine natal women either, and fake tits and faces with a ton of plastic surgery has always made me queezy. No, I seem to have a strong preference for masculinity in partners, regardless if they're butches, other masc bi women, trans men or kinda standard masc natal men. So then it just kinda makes sense that trans women, whom are often hyper-feminine, just don't fit that image. Except... that one trans woman I almost went on a date with... she looked like a butch. I mistook her for a natal woman partly because she had short hair, no makeup and wore what looked like men's clothing, but I could see she had hips and tits, and her face looked naturally female. But I still wasn't into her, because she's trans.

Then I thought... okay, that one checks out, but maybe I'm just creeped out neo-vaginas? Yeah, that must be it! I'm almost equally creeped out by neo-penises too, but most trans men don't get bottom surgery anyway, so it hasn't been much on my mind. But then I thought: okay, but what about trans women who choose to not get bottom surgery then? I am attracted to dick. Nope, still uneasy at that thought. I started comparing men who are just very feminine, to trans women, and noticed yeah I don't actually feel half as iffy about men who are just feminine. A man in a dress and makeup can actually be very hot, to me. And I've always preferred long hair on men. But I prefer them still looking clearly male underneath that, although I don't mind a few androgynous features here and there. But I’m only into it if they don’t act like their affinity for femininity makes them women or non-binary, or if they’re feminine in a way that mocks or sexualises womanhood. So I’m not into tacky transvestites in over-sexualised lingerie. At least try to be tactful and elegant, please. So, it’s not male femininity per se that puts me off. If there’s any femininity I’m actually into, it’s male femininity. Because gender non-conformity is attractive to me. And I love the idea of being a strong female protector and girlboss of a gentle, delicate, feminine man. At least I like fantasising about that. (But enough about my daydreams.)

Part 4a Womanhood, biology and identity:

Somewhere after having gotten that far in my digging, I started getting close to finding my sore spot: trans women's view on womanhood.

As for myself, my own view of womanhood is completely detached from femininity. I'm just like... I can even have a full beard and bass voice, a flat and hairy chest, and still be a woman. Because I'm simply bio female. Trans women tend to very often think that they need to "pass" and with that comes a certain look: high voice, no facial hair, no body hair, big breasts, curvy hips, etc. All of which are features that I'm dysphoric about having on my own body, but admire in other natal women. But on trans women, it's like I feel uncomfortable about those kinda features on them. Like to me being a woman is just dealing with having developed that way, or not dealing with having developed that way. Where as for them it seems to be actually striving for developing that way, and I guess that causes my brain to short circuit. Cannot comprehend.

Part 4b Womanhood, fragility and validation:

My womanhood is kinda fragile. I admit that. I'm quite insecure as a woman, because of my transition and masculinity. I feel like most of my womanhood has been lost, which although I'm fine with, I still grieve. I grieve it because I was a bit of an idiot when I first transitioned and had not yet processed my trauma - not because I regret looking like a man. It's complicated, but basically... I feel as though my womanhood is hanging by a thread, which is my genitals, reproductive system and chromosomes; all of which are either mostly hidden or always invisible.

I'm often met with disbelief and disagreement. People either saying "You're not a woman because you can't possibly be female. You look too male." or "You're not a woman because you medically transitioned. You having a uterus is not enough to make you a woman." and it gets to me. And then there are trans women... some of whom do not even need to put on a wig to be instantly validated as women by just identifying as such. Others thinking that because I look like a man, they refuse to think of me as a woman. And that... pisses me off.

There have been a few trans women who in some utterly failed attempt at being supportive of me have said I'm like a nonbinary person who is half male and half female. That's not a lot better, but thanks for trying... I guess.

Part 4c Womanhood, dysphoria and misogyny:

I think that might be what gets to me about trans women. All of it. This entire list of things. That some of them are lesbophobic predators and have absurd claims of what being female is, that others mock womanhood, and yet others view themselves as somehow more female than I am. The genital factor and the slight creepiness of plastic surgery. Their view of womanhood as an identity and my view of it as a biological sex. I keep ending up in fights with trans women about these sorta things. I can't keep a lid on my frustrations no matter how hard I try to just see them as people with dysphoria and opinions that are different from mine. I cannot find any fucking solidarity between myself, as a dysphoric natal woman, and trans women. I feel like they're making mockery of my sex, my dysphoria and my struggles with misogyny, as well as making me feel like shit about something that I love about my body: my transition. I have no common grounds with them, and whenever they try to find solidarity in stuff like misogyny, I feel like they don't even know what the fuck they're talking about. I have a huge bone to pick with them, on multiple levels, and I don't even know where to start or where it ends.

Part 4d Womanhood, jealousy:

But a lot of it comes from jealousy. And I think it's mutual. I'm jealous of their ability to access female only spaces despite being male, which I cannot access despite being female. I'm jealous of their ability to be accepted as women. And on the other side, I think they're jealous of my reproductive ability, and my female socialisation, which I'm not like super hyped about myself, although I do love my pussy (she gives me great orgasms.) I'm jealous of their ability to claim womanhood without even trying to pass as female, because people are quicker to accept the woman-gender-identity than the woman-bio-sex. But likewise, ironically, I sense that they're jealous of that I can claim the "woman lane" despite looking convincingly male, because I'll always be biologically female, no matter how insible my sex is.

They cannot see me as a woman, because of my transition, without looking at themselves as men, no matter how far they transition. And I cannot see them as women, no matter how far they transition, without labeling myself as a man, because of my own transition. I think that about nails it.

Part 5 Conclusions:

I don't think it's true hatred, but rather insecurities both from myself and from them. Because we cannot both exist as women under the same ideology. One of us has to be considered a man, and neither of us is willing to fold on that. Ultimately... I am a threat to their womanhood, as much as they are a threat to my womanhood. And that tension is so thick... not even a knife could cut it. I guess the sad thing is though, that I think that tension is unnecessary. I am so unlike trans women that we could potentially bond based on how different we are. Because there is a lot of similarity in those differences, if you really think about it.

But no, I do not wish them harm in any way. Despite the vast array of insults I sometimes hurl their way. That is really just in response to them insulting me. I do not think they're doing anything wrong by transitioning, or even necessarily by identifying as women. I think, if they had just been more like "I can see you as a woman despite having transitioned, because deep down you like being female and having a pussy... kinda like I'm a woman because I wanna have a pussy, despite having been born male" I would have been much quicker to embrace them. Because that, I could get behind; but they can't.

So, there is no solidarity. It remains an endless fight. But I feel like it's not just on my part. I have tried. I do try. But they're not willing to meet me halfway, and that makes me go to attack in self-defense, which makes then go to attack in self-defense.

#my stick up my arse about trans women #its hurt not hate #rant #analytical drivel #gender critical #radfem safe #detransition

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nervousandstoned · 4 years

Text

THOMAS: ???

THOMAS: What the...?

THOMAS: Oh wait! I totally forgot I nngh- AH SHIT- made an ask blog!

THOMAS: I really like the series! It’s a horror-romance rpg. Kissy Kissy, Bang Bang! IV is supposed to be the most intense game in the franchise.

THOMAS: In the newest game, you play as Yuki Yamamoto, bi-gender dumbass who is in love with this guy named Kenneth Miller- but someone else is in love with Kenneth and that someone kidnaps you and locks you in her cabin out in the middle of the woods with like three- shit- three other characters and you have to escape before she catches you! I don’t know the full story since the game just- ah SHIT- came out, but it’s my favorite game franchise.

THOMAS: It’s the first game they’ve released with an LGBT+ protagonist, and the youtubers and game reviewers who- SHITBALLS- got it pre-release said it was really inclusive and awesome! Sadly... I will not be able to purchase it though :(

THOMAS: And yes, I do happen to play video games a lot. Usually horror games, but I own all the Viva Piñata games, I have Minecraft so I can- (squeak) - COCK- play it with my brother, and Overwatch. I’m a Junkrat main!

THOMAS: Anyways... Hey, I have an ask blog and they’re wondering how your day at the mall has been!

TWEEK: DKJSGKFDSJN OH SHIT THEY CAN SEE US? ABSKJDF AAAGH- HOW DOES THAT WORK MAN?! OH GOD HAVE THEY BEEN WATCHING ME THIS ENTIRE TIME? SHIT SHIT SH-

THOMAS: No... They haven’t, Tweek. I think the blog just started working right before I came in here- shit! And I think it only follows me around.

TWEEK: mMMM... Alright I believe you, Thomas...

MARJORINE: We’ve been having an alright day! I originally came to pick up a new set of drumsticks from the store Kenny works at.

KENNY: Yeah, because you snapped your drumsticks in half by playing your set too hard during our last rehearsal.

MARJORINE: You can’t expect me to not get excited! The song is a headbanger, honey. I just... I can’t help but get super into it! Anyway... Kenny had just gotten off work and Tweek got here half an hour ago to get new dice and such for our superhero game!

THOMAS: Well, you see... It’s actually not too complicated.

THOMAS: Marjorine, Tweek, and Kenny are all in a band. Everyone in town knows who they are... However, I- FUCK- guess I befriended them all in different ways outside o-of the uh... Band thing they have going.

[Thomas has blocked out any background noise while he answers the question]

MARJORINE: What if HE shows up to the game, guys? And if HE shows up, what if HE brings his gross boyfriend? I can tolerate Corey. He’s Thomas’s brother, he’s a good kid! but... Not him. He brings out the worst in him.

THOMAS: Marjorine and I actually met at the library through a Dungeons and Dragons club that Kyle had started-(squeak)- in middle school, before she came out as a girl. She wanted to be a classic human paladin and I was a cool homebrew faun bard. She- shitfuckass- and I went out for a bit until she came out, then we kinda just went our separate ways since I’m gay. Although, we’re- COCK!- definitely still friends.

KENNY: I doubt they’re gonna be there, sugar. Besides- if he is, Kyle, Scott, and I will keep them in check. Plus, if Thomas is coming, we’ll have him as backup too. There’s no way they’ll fuck us over if we have four of us who know how to kick ass.

THOMAS: I met Kenny through Kyle. He uh.... He introduced me to Kenny when I invited him and his family over for Hanukkah back in the fifth grade. He’d brought Kenny and Kenny’s siblings along with his family since Kenny had been spending the holidays with- shit- them that year due to some issues back home.

THOMAS: ... Kenny’s the whole reason I actually came out to my mom if I’m being completely honest. He’s awesome.

TWEEK: Make that five, Ken. Let’s not aargh- forget you’ve been teaching me self defense... And I know how to box.

KENNY: Oh yeah, you’re right, huh?

TWEEK: Yeah.

TWEEK: Anyway, Thomas, you got anything in mind for your character?

THOMAS: And then there’s Tweek. Man, uh, I actually met Tweek when he and Craig were a thing. After they split up, I dated Craig for a while, and then Tweek. Then Tweek and I separated again and he went back out with Craig up until last year. I... I actually fuck- I actually uhm... I never stopped having major feelings for him, if I’m being totally honest.

THOMAS: But I’d never have a chance with him now that he’s fully dedicated and in a relationship with Marjorine and (squeak squeak) Kenny. Plus, unfortunately, we just stressed each-other out 24-FUCKINGCOCKASS-7...

TWEEK: Thomas?

THOMAS: Huh? Wha-...?

TWEEK: I asked if you had anything in mind for your character, man. Since, ya know, Kyle used to yap all about our superhero game and franchise bullshit all the time to you when we were younger.

THOMAS: Oh- uh, yeah, I kinda do. I have a bunch of doodles and notes in my sketchbook out in my truck.

TWEEK: That’s good. Anyway, uh. We’re gonna meet up at my ngh- parents’ coffee shop tonight for the superhero roleplay. Bring dice and that sketchbook of yours. I think we’re expecting a total of 11 people tonight, counting ourselves.

TWEEK: Are you okay with that? You don’t personally know three of them, but they’re all super cool.

THOMAS: O-oh, yeah that’s just fine! I’ll uh... I’ll see you there at...?”

TWEEK: Aah-! Just be there by 4 o’clock, okay? I’ll-

[GROUND BEGINS SHAKING VIOLENTLY]

THOMAS: What the fuck-?

KENNY: Guys, what the hell are you standing around for?! Get under something!

[LIGHTS GO FLICKER AND GO OUT]

TWEEK: GRAASALKF I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING!!

THOMAS: I can’t either!!

KENNY: Wait- what the fuck- is that a light?!

THOMAS: L...light?

[... CONNECTION TO ASK BOX LOST ...]

[... RECONNECTING ...]

[... PLEASE WAIT MOMENTARILY ...]

[... ... ...]

[... RECONNECTED TO ASK BOX ...]

[... THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE ...]

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konpithepuppy · 3 years

Text

[TRANSLATION: POTATO 04.2021]

7 MEN SAMURAI CROSS TALK + RECENT MEMO

Scans not mine

Neither an English nor a Japanese native speaker

Feel free to correct me, thanks

WHO IS NO. 1 IN TERMS OF ACTING ABILITY!?

For the purpose of checking out the acting ability of the 6 members, different patterns of "smile" were shown. At the end of a heated discussion in the round table discussion, a member who is good at telling lies was revealed!? (The interview was taken in the middle of February.)

Reia-kun is a professional in acting to deceive people

Yabana: This time's theme is "acting ability".

Sasaki: (in loud voice) WHAT!

Nakamura: No, he didn't mean "act here now" LOL. You run into the conversation too fast. Recently, for a project for YouTube, we did a prank on Bana-san (Yabana), right?

Motodaka: We did a cosplay where we shouldn't be recognized. During that time, I desperately covered everyone with my body so that everyone's disguise will not be caught by Bana-san's sight LOL. It was an acting where I used my whole body.

Konno: And us, who are being covered, were disguising ourselves with all our might. It was fun!

Sugeta: Rinne even changed his pants on the spot LOL.

Nakamura: Yabana, how suspicious were you at that time?

Yabana: I think [I got suspicious] when I saw Taiko's face laughing happily LOL. It's obviously that that is his face when he trick people. With that, Taiko's acting level is quite low.

Sasaki: That's what I also think LOL.

Nakamura: Speaking of YouTube, we always have a birthday surprise plans for the members, but for some reason, we didn't pull anything for Katsuki's and Konpi's (Konno) birthdays.

Konno: Yeah. Honestly, I thought, "Have they forgotten about my birthday?" and I got sad LOL.

Motodaka: I am not saying to prepare us 2 different surprises, but why did you not prepare anything?

Yabana: No, you don't know? Perhaps the reason why we are talking about this now might probably because we've got something for you too, you know?

Sugeta: Yeah, this might be a foreshadowing, you know?

Motodaka: There's definitely none LOL. Our birthdays passed a long time ago already. If you insist, Reia's birthday is coming soon, right? LOL

Yabana: When you make it look like there's a surprise but there's none at all is the saddest pattern of prank LOL.

Sasaki: Who might be in the 1st place in acting in private among us?

Yabana: It is probably Reia-kun. He often deceives people, he is an expert in acting!

Nakamura: I myself think so too LOL.

Sasaki: Didn't you fool HiHi Jets and Bi Shounen all along?

Nakamura: I did, but I can't remember what it is about. They are pure so they believed for around 2 years in the proper lie I said to them LOL.

Motodaka: Reia is good with acting in times like that. Me too in the past, he told me, "the staff are very mad" with a facial expression that looked real and I completely believed him.

Nakamura: Fufufu...if you look closely, I am doing the face saying, "I am lying." On the contrary, Taiko is usually bad when telling lies. His feelings are shown on his face immediately. It is easy to understand his face like "Is that an emoji!?"

Yabana: A speech bubble saying, "I am telling a lie now" is faintly coming out from him LOL. That's why when he talked at the beginning of my prank video, I noticed about it immediately.

Motodaka: Rinne is also easy to know if he is telling a lie, right?

Konno: His feelings totally show in his behavior.

Nakamura: Yeah, yeah. He is bad at acting lively especially when he is feeling down LOL. He obviously couldn't talk.

Yabana: It is like he is saying, "I am having a problem."

Sugeta: ...I agree with you LOL.

Sasaki: Konpi is also easy to understand, right? When he fools others, he will certainly look at my eyes and will grin.

Konno: I want to make the 2 of us the suspects LOL.

Nakamura: When Katsuki tricks people, his ears immediately turns very red LOL.

Yabana: His ears are a lie detector, right? It turns very red like it is going to explode.

Nakamura: If there is someone he likes, he will be exposed immediately. She will be like, "This person probably likes me. Since his ears are super red." LOL

Motodaka: What~ I don't like that. Somehow or other, I think it is something you can't falsify LOL.

Sasaki: On the contrary, Yabana is good with lies . He said he was interviewed in the street by chance for 「Getsuyou kara Yofukashi」recently, but that one is also an acting, right?

Nakamura: The truth is that he can't play intruments too, right?

Yabana: Hey, stop it! To the readers, what they just said are both lies, okay?! LOL Or rather, I have not deceived people or lied to anyone!

Everyone except Yabana: That's a lie~!

Nakamura: 7 MEN 侍's best actor is not me but Yabana-kun~.

Yabana: Stop~that~! LOL

Influenced by the acting coaching of Koichi-kun for the DREAM BOYS

Nakamura: I really like the performance of Taiko when he is on stage.

Yabana: I know. Well, he is in character, but suddenly his aura of being a stupid brat was gone and becomes a human being LOL.

Motodaka: Yeah, right. When he was on stage, he became able to speak good Japanese.

Sasaki: ...I hate you all! LOL

Yabana: I also like Rinne-kun's acting in「DREAM BOYS」. There's a scene that (Domoto) Koichi-kun enthusiastically coaches, and as the result of Rinne steadily absorbing the advices, Rinne is turning into Koichi-kun day by day LOL.

Sugeta: I think since he presented a really good example, so I was influenced naturally. I was thankful. Rinne likes Katsuki's acting in 「Nounai Poison Berry」.

Konno: Ah yes, that was a good one.

Everyone except Konno: You haven't seen that, right? LOL

Sugeta: Konpi has not seen any of the members' stage plays until now, right?

Konno: That's just a coincidence LOL. Because during the showing of 「Oretachi Oenya!!~」where Taiko and Rinne appeared, wasn't it exactly during our preparation for 「~The Happy Prince」?

Nakamura: If you say so LOL. Katsuki's acting and Konpi's acting in 「The Happy Prince」were also good.

Yabana: Yeah, right. Serious acting suited them. Also, Konpi's appearance when he sat on the chair and turned round and round LOL.

Konno: Thank you! I had put all of my acting into that scene LOL.

Sugeta: Bana-san tried different acting patterns in daily special corner of「DREAM BOYS」. I think that was really good!

Yabana: I change my hairstyle depending on the day. And then, I match my acting with my hairstyle like, "Today I will go for a mood that looks slightly weak," or "Today, I am in all back hairstyle so I will go for a character that seems strong," and I am changing my acting a little by little. I also changed my costume a little by little, for some reason, all the cast laughed at me on the day where I appeared in tank top...LOL.

Sugeta: Coz you are skin and bones LOL.

Konno: Yeah, right. You are so thin that you look pitiful LOL.

Sasaki: Reia. For me, Reia's acting on stage is also good of course, but I think his acting on television is overwhelmingly good. You do understand me, right?

Konno: Yup. That's exactly about the drama「Gekikaradou」(TV Tokyo) he is appearing in currently, right?

Motodaka: In a sense that he can do whatever he wants is very Reia. I think it is a great thing that he was able to properly reflect himself to his character.

Yabana: The "yey🎶" in that drama is also like Reia's humor, right?

Sasaki: Well, but the usual Reia that we see is close to his character in Dream Boys.

Yabana: We think, "When will we be get beaten?" so we are constantly scared of him.

Nakamura: You are kidding LOL.

Sasaki: Let me ask just in case, since you are moving towards dramas, it doesn't mean that you are throwing away stage plays, right? Please make this clear.

Nakamura: Of course! LOL. Don't say weird things, I want to challenge acting in stage plays from now on too!

Motodaka: Which reminds me, the stage play where Rinne is starring (「Hidamari no Ki」) is starting soon, right? It starts in March, right?

Sugeta: Yup, you're right. By the time this magazine issue comes out, the Tokyo performance have started already.

Nakamura: Doesn't that look super interesting? I also wanna watch it soon.

Motodaka: More than anything else, I am sincerely hoping that the play will start safely. This is what everyone who got an experience with stage play thinks.

Konno: Rinne is lucky so he will definitely be okay! I believe in that!

Sugeta: Even though you said that, you surely won't come and watch, right? LOL

Konno: No, I will go. I will watch you!

Sasaki: This one is an acting, absolutely LOL.

Konno: I am coming~ LOL.

RECENT MEMO

Sugeta Rinne:

I see off my younger sister, who is taking the national examination, at 6 this morning.I want her to do her best that she can use all the effort she exerted up to this day. Not only my sister, but Rinne and my younger brother also got a charm from our papa. Rinne's charm is a prayer for the success of the stage play.

Konno Taiki:

The selfie project in ISLAND TV is difficult. Every time the day I'm in charged gets closer, I become desperate. I already ran out of idea during the 2nd time we did it LOL. I want to take applications of the poses that the fans want us to do!

Yabana Rei:

When I met Tatsumi (Yudai)-kun by chance last January, he gave me a New Year's money. I was moved at how kind senpai he is. Someday, I also want to give New Year's money to my juniors and be respected LOL.

Sasaki Taiko:

I finally purchased a drum set. Since I do not know which one to buy, so the drummer who I am acquainted with and I admire came with me to the store. I am really thankful that he recommended me the items that match with my style of beating the drums!

Nakamura Reia:

I watched at home the movie「The Letters」where Yamada Takayuki-san is starring. I am glad that the story is very deep, and more than anything else, Yamada-san being immersed in his acting is so great that I was drawn into [the movie] the whole time!

Motodaka Katsuki:

I went fishing for the first time with my brother who is 4 years younger than me. My brother caught a large number of fishes that I can't imagine that it was his first time. The total amount of catch we had that day was 77 horse mackerels! It was so delicious when I made it into namerou (finely chopped fish with miso paste) that it disappeared in no time.

#7 men 侍 #translation

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purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

745

Do you support freedom of speech? Of course, as long as that freedom is not used to advocate homophobia, racism, or sexism, or any form of oppression towards marginalized groups.

Are you ever told you are too opinionated? Yeah. My family loooves to use this word as their main adjective for me as I’ve always been the most vocal, unapologetic and rather radical one in my stances. All my relatives are more conservative and traditional so when it comes to like talking to their peers about me, my being opinionated is always the main thing they take pride in, as in “Robyn isn’t afraid to say her thoughts” or “Robyn has always been very honest” lmao.

There’ll be times I will have an opinion that vastly clashes from theirs, usually politics, and they’ll do something I’ve always found hilarious in that they’ll talk about me behind my back to my mom and tell my mom to monitor my posts more. So ok, I guess it’s nice to have a niece who’s unafraid to speak her mind but when it’s different from how they think, they’ll do whatever it takes to silence me haha.

Do you hold grudges for long? I hold grudges for life.

What's in your garden/backyard? We don’t really have a garden. We just have a couple of large trees and several potted plants to decorate the front of the house but that’s it. For the backyard, I dunno the name for this particular type of flooring but ours is basically composed of stones embedded onto the ground so it’s not very child-friendly. We do have a portion with more plants there and a basketball hoop for my dad to play/exercise with every morning.

Do you own a purple pillow? I don’t think so. My sister probably does as she loves pillows and stuffed toys and loves collecting either.

Do you have a brown blanket? I don’t.

Do you think diamonds, stars or hearts are prettier? I don’t really like any of these as designs.

Is Pink attractive on a man? This conversation died a long time ago lol. Anything can be attractive on anyone as long as they’re comfortable with it lol.

Do you watch political shows? We don’t have those here as politics here are mostly emotionally-charged and regular debates won’t work, coupled with the fact that we have a number of politicians who are merely celebrities or athletes and will be absolutely useless on such shows. News programs are enough politics for us.

When was the last time you visited the bathroom? I dropped off my dog at the shower five minutes ago as my mom had plans to give him a bath.

Do you like flying? When was the last time you were on a plane? Yepppp I really like riding planes. For me it’s always been the biggest indicator that I’m travelling and it gets me all excited. The last time was March last year when we went to Bicol for a short vacation.

Have you ever overflown a bath? No.

Do you appreciate brutal honesty? I know it’s always best to hear it but sometimes it’ll still sting.

Do you know what Runes are? No, I’ve never heard of it.

Do you play any Fantasy/Roleslaying Games? What? No. Fantasy is my least favorite genre of anything.

Do you like salami? Not really. Processed meats have never really sat well with me. < Oh my goodness same. I never liked how they taste or feel like. If someone ordered a pepperoni pizza I’ll always have to put some extra effort to remove the pepperoni on mine, usually to the horror of my friends lmao.

When was the last time you ate meat? We had binagoongan for dinner an hour ago and that mainly consists of pork.

What was the last hot drink you drank? I heated water to make coffee but I usually leave it untouched for half an hour or so for it to cool down, as I hate drinking hot coffee in the summer.

Have your parents met your boyfriend/exes? They have met my girlfriend, but not as my girlfriend.

How about your boyfriend’s parents? Met them? Yes, I’ve met my girlfriend’s parents. They’re a delight, and they’ve been very nice to me from the very beginning.

Do you feel uncomfortable easily? Not really. There are just particular scenarios I don’t like being in, like if I’m running late or if I’m in a class with a prof notorious for screaming at or embarrassing their students.

Is there a girls/boys name you can't stand? Why? Name all you dislike: I don’t actively hate any names but I do have a predisposition to chuckle when I hear names like Karen, Becky, Susan, and Chad because they’re now memes on the Internet hahahaha.

Do you know how to say I love you in at least 4 languages? Sure. I know how to say it in Spanish, English, Filipino, Korean, and French.

What age will you be when you times your current age by two? 44.

Do you find the sound of a cats purr relaxing? It’s cute but I don’t find it relaxing for the most part. I just get the sensation of being scratched or hissed at because cats don’t seem to like me.

Are you in a simple or complex mood? Right now it’s a bit complex. There’s a lot of things going on in my head right now and only surveys can calm me down for the meantime.

Do you know your Mum's first pets name? I’m not sure if it was their first but my mom occasionally talks about their family dog Collar.

Do you like car racing? No, but I have a number of friends who do. JM in particular is super passionate about it and has a lot of F1 stories to tell, and even though I don’t understand most of it or don’t recognize most of the people he talks about, it’s always nice to have someone spill their interests onto you so I listen anyway. :) He once gave each of us a piece of tire that he got from the racetracks when he watched the Singapore Grand Prix last year, it was adorable.

Do you fall asleep with the TV/radio on? I put Netflix on. I used to put YouTube on but its autoplay will go on until I wake up and is a huge battery drainer. Netflix will only play a couple of episodes and stops the show completely when you fail to respond haha.

What is your closest uncle/aunt called? My mom’s cousins. They’re all several years younger than her so they’re a lot hipper than my mom, were actually cool in their youth lmao, and are more understanding and accepting and open-minded about current issues. They’re the first relatives (that aren’t my sister or closest cousin) I came out to, and I appreciate them keeping the secret to this day.

Do you wear underwear to bed? Yep.

Who hugs you the most often? It’s a tie between Gab and Laurice.

Who was the last person you led astray? Uhhhh this sounds awful lol. I’d hate to have this kind of impact on someone.

Who was the last person who led you astray? No one’s done this to me as far as I know.

Would you ever want to be famous? If so, for what? Sure but I wouldn’t exert so much effort just to be famous, like joining a million auditions or contests. It’d be nice if, say, I just had a vlog and it was one of the lucky ones to hit the jackpot and end up having a decent following. I’ve always liked journaling my life and I feel like vlogging is the only method I haven’t dabbled with yet.

Is your phone a pay as go/talk or contract? It’s prepaid, which sounds like pay-as-go anyway. I put in a certain amount of money on my sim card to use for call and text, not the other way around.

What colour is your bedroom carpet? I don’t have one in my room cause my dog would much likely pee on it.

Do you get angry, depressed or nervous more? Nervous.

What is something obvious about you that everyone notices? Probably my teeth, and that my front ones aren’t straight.

Would you ever get a heart tattoo or your back? No.

Do you like Sapphires? The gemstones? Not really. They’re fine, but I wouldn’t go looking for them.

Do you own a torch? I don’t.

Marshmellow - Yum or Yuck? Yuck, in any way they’re incorporated into food. I really dislike the chewy texture and I find them too sweet as well.

What fruit can't you stand? All of them, but the ones I’ve tasted and particularly hated are mango and pineapple.

Is there any smell that turns you on? What? Not really. My girlfriend’s scent sometimes would, but it wouldn’t turn me on every single time I have a whiff of it lmao.

Do you wear more white or black? Black, but I’ve tried to lessen it recently because I feel like I wore black throughout college. I’m glad I at least got to experiment with yellow, olive green, maroon, pink, etc before they cut off the school year.

What age are most your friends? They were mostly born within the years 1997 through 1999.

Do you know anyone autistic? No, not personally.

How about someone bi-polar? Yes.

Are you judgmental? I definitely try not to be, but I’m sure I am. I try to at least check myself when I have judgmental thoughts. < This. I can also be unapologetically judgmental but this is reserved for people who have behaved shittily in public, like if a white person yells at and/or mocks an Asian person on public transport, or if a Karen-type mistreats fast food workers.

What was the last thing you borrowed from someone? My sister’s eyeglasses cleaner.

I give you a kitty - what do you name it? Cinnamon was the first name that came to mind.

Why do you think your enemies don't like you? I don’t have any enemies.

What about you do you think your friends dislike? I get super cranky about other people sometimes and complain excessively about them if they’re not doing their job right.

What do you consider private to you? I’m not private about anything as long as someone asks but I will be most reserved if I have to talk about my depression from Grade 6. Partly because I’ve forgotten a lot of it, partly because it’s simply not worth it to go retracing the bits that I do remember.

#survey #surveys

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dumortain-adam · 5 years

Text

Stella | Ethan Ramsey x MC (one shot)

Check out my other stories here - MASTERLIST

A/N: This fic is inspired by an interpretation I read about the song Almost (Sweet Music) where in it’s about a father/daughter relationship where in the daughter reminds the father of her late mother.

I made a post before asking what would Ethan call his daughter. Shout-out to @bi-cookie who suggested that Ethan would call his kid ‘peanut’, which is really cute.

And, sorry if there are any grammatical error. English is not my first language.

Warnings: Mentions of character death

Taglist: @lilyofchoices @honeyandsunfl0wers @kate-mckenzie @assassinoftheworld @choicesyouplayandmore @jooous [If you want to be added or removed from the taglist, just let me know :))) ]

Song: Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier youtube link, spotify link. I also used the song Stella By Starlight - Ella Fitzergald as part of the story.

It was a hot summer day in Boston. Ethan walked into their house with his nearly six-year-old daughter, Stella, in his arms, fast asleep. She must be tired from their trip. It was his day off, and his daughter wanted to roam around the town.

They moved from his high-rise apartment when they knew that Casey was pregnant with Stella. Oh, what a news it was. At first, he was horrified. He was afraid that he would not be good enough for his child. He was afraid that he would end up just like his father, but she assured him that they would go through it together.

And now, Stella is turning six next week.

If only Casey could see her now. If she could only see how much their daughter has grown since.

“I’m so sorry Ethan” Naveen said, offering his condolences to his protege.

“I don’t know Naveen. Of all the people, why does it need to be her?” Ethan asked. She was just going out to meet her friend, and a few minutes later, he got a call that his wife was hit by a car. Now, Stella was left without a mother.

He looked at his two-year-old daughter, unaware of what was happening around her. “What about Stella? What am I supposed to do now that... that Casey’s gone?” He tried his best to sound strong, but hell, he can’t. He can’t be strong when his wife just died and now his daughter is left without a mother. What was he supposed to do? Where would he start? What if…

“You have to be strong for her. You have to be there for her.” Naveen broke his train of thought.

“Easier said than done, Naveen”

“But what isn’t?” he patted Ethan on his shoulder, before leaving him to have other people offer their condolences at Casey’s funeral.

But he didn’t want their sympathy and condolences. What he wants is to wake up from the nightmare he’s in. But unfortunately, this was reality, and in this reality, his wife is gone.

It wasn’t easy to raise his daughter alone. Not when she easily reminds him of his late wife. With how both Stella and Casey smile brightly, with how they both laugh wholeheartedly. With Casey’s blonde locks and green eyes which Stella inherited. It was a painful reminder of what happened four years ago. Casey told him that they would do everything together, raise their daughter together, but she was gone. He did not know where to start, or what to do. He was afraid to ruin everything for Stella.

Ethan settled his sleeping daughter down at her bed, watching how peaceful she looks. She looks just like her mother. He smiled sadly at her, as he remembers his late wife.

“Daddy, are you okay?” Stella asked him, as she woke up, sensing her father’s sadness.

Ethan tried to be strong in front of his daughter, but a stubborn drop of tear fell down his cheek. Stella wiped his tear away from his cheek, her small hands on his face.

“Don’t be sad, daddy” she said as she got up and engulfed her father in a hug, with her tiny arms around him to comfort her father.

Ethan let out a small chuckle. “Daddy’s not sad. I’m just thinking about mommy.”

“What about her?” she asked, pulling away from the hug.

“How she looks just like you.”

“But mommy is beautiful. Does that mean I’m beautiful too?”

“Of course. You are the most beautiful girl in the world”

“Really?” she asked, her face lighting up in delight.

“Yeah. Just like mommy”

“I miss mommy” Stella blurted out.

He too, misses Casey so much. There isn’t a single day where he didn’t wish that they were raising Stella together. That they’d be doing it all side by side. Though he was getting better as time pass by, there are still times where it all comes back. He smiled sadly at his daughter.

“Me too, peanut. Me too”

Stella let out a yawn.

“Sleepy?” Ethan asked.

“Yeah. Can you sing to sleep?”

“What song?”

“The one with my name in it. The one you told me mommy used to sing”

Ethan smiled softly at his daughter before he started to sing.

The song a robin sings

Through years of endless springs

The murmur of a brook at eventide

That ripples by a nook where two lovers hide

A great symphonic theme

That's Stella by starlight and not a dream

She's all of this and more

She's everything that you’d adore

Have you seen Stella by starlight with moon in her ave

That's Stella by starlight raptures so rare

She's is all of this and more

She's everything that you would adore

He remembered, when he first heard Casey sing, he was absolutely captivated by her voice. Like the world around him stopped moving. As if nothing exists but her. He loved jazz music, as much as how much he loved classical pieces, and he was left surprised when Casey sung that song to him once.

And now, Stella seems to like jazz music as well. Oh, how she’s almost like her mother.

“Goodnight, daddy. I love you”

“I love you too, peanut. Goodnight” he kissed her forehead then he turned off her lamp.

----

[Next day]

He walked inside the hospital holding Stella’s hand on his. Other doctors greeted him, and to their surprise, Ethan greeted them back with a smile on his face. Stella, on the other hand, looked around the hospital in awe.

Her nanny cancelled last minute, so he had no choice but to bring Stella to work. They continued walking down the hospital halls until they reached his office. He settled down her bag that down on the chair.

“Hey little peanut” he crouched down to level his height with Stella’s.

“Yeah?”

“Promise me you’ll be quiet while daddy is working. Do you promise?”

“I promise”

“Good. Now, daddy is going to work. You could play with your toys.” he said, kissing Stella’s forehead.

He then started to work, continuing his new research. Stella on the other hand, played with her math flashcards quietly as she promised her dad. Ethan glanced at his daughter, smiling at her enthusiasm to learn advanced math for her age.

An hour later, the door to his office opened.

“I didn’t know it was ‘take your child to work day’ today” Naveen said, as he closed the door.

“Grandpa Naveen!” Stella ran towards Naveen and caught him in a hug.

“Hello to you too, kiddo” he greeted the child back.

Ethan sighed. “Her nanny cancelled last minute, so I had to bring her here”

“And are you being a good girl, Stella?”

“Yeah!” She replied enthusiastically.

“Anyway...” Naveen said, but before he even finishes what he was about to say, a knock from the door interrupted him.

“Doctor Ramsey?” A shy voice from the other side of the door was heard.

“Come in” Ethan said

The intern entered the room, fear visible on her face.

“I-I just wanted to give an update about my patient in room 402.”

“Go on”

“Uh, the patient had an anaphylactic shock, and currently unconscious. I think she’s allergic to the medications I gave her”

“You think?”

“Uh, I-I know, doctor”

Ethan took a deep breath. No matter how strong the urge was, and no matter how much the intern deserves to be berated, he can’t bring himself to yell at the intern with his daughter watching. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down.

“Sometimes, the patient doesn’t know about their allergies...”

“But how am I supposed to know if they don’t tell me?” the intern cut him off.

Ethan took another deep breath. No, he’s not going to scold an intern in front of his daughter, he told himself.

“That is why we need to be careful in giving them medication. Update me if there is a development on your patient’s condition”

“Y-yes, Doctor.”

The young intern walked out of his office with fear and confusion – due to Ethan’s sudden change in behavior, making him sound a lot kinder than he actually is, etched on her face.

Ethan let out an audible sigh, rubbing his eyebrows.

“Are you okay, daddy?” Stella asked, as she came towards her father

“I’m fine, peanut. Just a little stressed.”

“Don’t be stressed. You’ll look old” Stella elicited a laugh from her father with her words. She massaged his frown lines, easing the tension away from his face.

He remembered how Casey used to ease the tension away from him. How she used to kiss his forehead whenever he was stressing himself over work that he brought home. How she used to do that with little Stella on her arms, sleeping. He remembered how she also used to joke about that he’ll look older if he stresses himself out.

“All better now?” asked Stella

“Yep. A whole lot better now.” Ethan kissed her forehead. “Thank you, peanut”

“You’re welcome, daddy” she said, then returned to play with her toys.

“Look at you. For someone who scares the heck out of interns and residents, you are surprisingly really soft towards your daughter” Naveen said to his protégé.

“Of course. She’s my kid. She’s different.”

“But you know, I’m happy to see you happy.”

“How can I not be? Stella’s like a ball of sunshine”

No matter how hard Casey’s death was for him, he had to be strong for his daughter. She’s all that matters to him right now. And in return, Stella made his life brighter. She made her father happy and proud.

“Anyway” Naveen continued what he was about to say earlier before the intern interrupted. “This is an invitation from the organizers of the medical conference in Canada in October. They want you to be a guest speaker” Naveen hands him the invitation.

“Thank you.”

---

[Later]

It has been a long time since they last visited Casey’s grave. After his shift, they headed out to the cemetery. They stopped over to buy flowers and they continued their drive. Their drive from the hospital was short and filled with conversation and laughter.

As they reached her grave, he put the flowers down on the ground.

“Hi love” Ethan let out a sigh before he continues. He knows it’s pointless to talk to her grave, knowing he she won’t hear it, but maybe, if heaven was even real, maybe she’ll hear him. He knows it’s absurd, but he also wanted to let it all out. “Sorry if we only get to visit you now. You know how busy the hospital is. But don’t worry. Everything’s fine. Great, actually. Stella’s been doing really well in school. In fact, her teacher told me that she might get accelerated. Guess she inherited her intelligence from you. You know, she’s really starting to be like you. There is absolutely no doubt that she’s your daughter.” Ethan let out a small smile, as he looked at Stella briefly. “I wish you’re still here, so we could raise her together and you could see her grow. She’s grown so much since... since you were gone.”

He shifted his attention to Stella. “Do you want to talk to mommy?” Ethan asked.

“Yeah” She answered. “Hi mommy. I miss you.” Stella shyly says to her mother’s grave.

“Yeah. We miss you. We miss you so much, love.”

---

The sun was beginning to set, giving the sky a tint of orange. The drive back to their home was quieter than their drive to the cemetery. That is, until Stella to break the silence.

“Daddy, can I ask you something?”

“Hm? Ask away”

“Do you still love mommy?”

“Of course, peanut. I will never stop loving mommy” Ethan answered in a heartbeat.

“Even if she’s in heaven now?”

Ethan smiled softly at her before answering.

“Even if she’s in heaven now”

[end]

#ethan ramsey #dr ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #dr ethan ramsey x mc #playchoices #open heart #choices open heart

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antiadvil · 5 years

Text

We’re Getting Married!

PG13, 2.8k

video title: We’re Getting Married! uploaded: December 8, 2019 by AmazingPhil Description: We talk about our relationship with each other, our audience, and appropriate creator/audience boundaries. Sorry we couldn’t find a wedding venue that would fit three million people!

read more or read on ao3

A/N: *** indicates a jump cut. this is filmed in Phil’s bedroom bc in an imagined universe with joint content I can fulfill all my nostalgic fantasies oh also warning for discussion of the vday video if you're not into that

“Hey guys! Today I’m here with a very special surprise guest-”

Dan’s voice interrupted Phil from off camera. "Are you not going to put me in the thumbnail?"

Phil laughed. "I mean, probably."

"So I'm not much of a surprise."

"I guess not. Anyway, we have a special announcement-"

"Phil. They read the title. Why do your video intros always assume no one reads your titles?"

"Hey! I haven't decided what I’m going to title it yet."

Dan came into frame and flopped onto the bed with him. "Sure you haven't. You know exactly what will get this video the maximum number of clicks, you goddamn-"

Phil threw his hand over Dan’s mouth. “Stop.”

He yanked it back almost immediately. “Did you just lick me?”

Dan smiled. “Maybe.”

“You’re disgusting. I’m going to go wash my hands with bleach,” Phil said, climbing off of his bed.

“Can you bring me a glass of water?” Dan called after him. “I’m thirsty.”

Phil called something back. It was entirely bleeped out.

***

“Count of three,” Phil said. “One, two, three-”

“We’re getting married!” Dan’s normally large hand gestures were carefully constrained by the glass of water in his right hand.

“Some of you are probably confused-” Phil said.

“Some of you are probably hyperventilating,” Dan interrupted, “And I’d like to say that while you’re valid, get a life that is not vicariously lived through our relationship. Please.”

“So let’s do a bit of background first,” Phil finished. “So I think most of you who follow us know that Dan and I met on the internet in 2009 and then we met up later the same year, which is when we filmed the first Phil is not on fire.”

“What you probably know if you watched my coming out video is that the whole time, we were super gay for each other,” Dan added. “What I didn’t really get into is that we’re still super gay for each other.”

“Wait, we are?”

Dan shrugged, setting his water on Phil’s nightstand. “I mean, I’m still super gay for you.”

Phil frowned. “I don’t know if I’d describe it that way.”

“Well, this is awkward,” Dan muttered.

“Anyway, we’ve been dating ever since then, and we thought we’d give a quick little recap of our relationship for those of you who just got here. So, I already mentioned that we met in 2009-”

“Obligatory disclaimer, we don’t endorse travelling a hundred and fifty miles to meet a guy who’s four years older than you that you met on the internet, even if you were the one who stalked him first.”

“Hey!” Phil laughed.

��But anyway,” Dan continued, “Phil and I met in a public place before going to his house and it turned out he wasn’t an axe murderer, so everything was fine.”

“What would you have done if I was?” Phil asked.

“You know, that’s a really great question. I maybe should have thought a little bit more about that.”

“So, we’re not even five minutes into the video and the biggest takeaway is that you should never have come to meet me?”

Dan nodded. “Our entire relationship was a mistake. I’m sorry, everyone, time to go home.”

“So poor life choices aside, we met in 2009, filmed Phil is not on fire, and just generally hung out a lot.”

“Hung out is one word for what we spent most of our time doing, but since this is Phil’s channel, let’s leave it at that.” Dan winked.

“Hey!”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Look me in the eye and tell me that is not what we spent most of our time together doing.”

“That is not what we spent most of our time doing.”

“Okay then, if you say so-”

“I do-” Phil insisted.

“Then we’ll leave it at that. We visited a lot, but, full disclosure, long distance sucks, which was a big factor in my decision to attend uni in Manchester. You probably already know how that went down.” Dan rolled his eyes.

“Apart from the uni part, though, it was really nice being so close by, so we moved in together in 2011.”

“And then there was what you will probably know as the Valentine’s day video,” Dan said with a grimace.

“Dan and I don’t really feel comfortable discussing the details of that whole thing because that video was very personal to us.”

Dan smiled in Phil’s direction. “I still have a copy.”

“But seriously, if you’re not me or Dan, I’d really appreciate it if you’d remove any copies you’ve posted on the internet and delete any copies you may have saved, out of respect for our privacy.”

“Believe me, I know nothing I can say will make that video disappear. My entire life is just proof that anything you put on the internet is permanent. And there’s nothing anyone can do about it now, but I want people to understand that all the speculation about my sexuality that came up when that video resurfaced really hurt me. Don’t do that. Seriously. If you think a celebrity or a YouTuber or whoever is hiding their sexuality, just let them. You don’t know what’s happening in their lives, and honestly, you’re not entitled to, either.”

Phil nodded. “Also, that was a really hard time for us as a couple as well as personally. I don’t think a lot of people realize the pressure being constantly under a microscope has on a relationship, which is one of the reasons we chose not to share our relationship and why we still don’t feel comfortable sharing everything about it.”

“Which is fine! Neither of us are ashamed of our relationship. We’re not hiding anything. We just aren’t really looking forward to reading newspaper headlines about our relationship, which really doesn’t seem like it should be news. Like, it’s our relationship, not the entire world’s relationship,” Dan explained.

“Really, it seems so weird to us that people even care about it. Like, it’s flattering and all, don’t get me wrong, but it was also a bit scary at first when we weren’t out.”

“It’s like, remember in my coming out video how I mentioned that when that guy said I gave off a bi vibe it really scared me? Having strangers on the internet tell me that my relationship with Phil was obvious was scary when even my parents didn’t know. The shipping was fine. It was mostly the speculation that was scary.”

“But we made it.” Phil put his hand on Dan’s leg and smiled.

Dan smiled back, almost forgetting the camera in the room. “God, there were some days I thought we wouldn’t. But we did. And I love you.”

Phil smiled even wider and swiped at his eyes.

Dan’s smile grew to a smirk. “Are you crying? Oh my god, you are such a dork.”

“Your mum’s a dork,” Phil muttered.

Dan reached for his phone. “I’m telling her you said that.”

“No!” Phil threw his shoulder into Dan’s chest, sending him sprawling against Phil’s bed.

Dan laughed. “Ow. Hey, Siri, call Mu-”

Phil put his hand over Dan’s mouth. “Stop.”

Dan’s phone chirped from the other side of the bed. “Okay. Calling Mum.”

Dan scrambled to reach it. “Oh shit, oh fuck, should I hang up?”

“Dan! You can’t call your mum and then hang up on her.”

“Shut up, rat, this is your fau- Oh, hey, Mum!”

“Hi!” Phil said.

“Oh, hello, Dan! And Phil. Is everything alright?”

“You need to call your mum more often, Dan, if every time she picks up she asks if something’s wrong,” Phil said.

Dan’s mum laughed.

“Shut up, Phil. No, Mum, nothing’s wrong, just wanted to catch up.”

***

“So, I’m never jokingly asking Siri to call anyone ever again,” Dan said.

“Why? Was calling your mum that horrible?” Phil laughed.

“Shut up, Phil. That was your fault.”

“Does your mum watch your videos?” Phil asked.

“Not really.”

“I’m sending her a link to this one.”

“I hate you,” Dan said quietly.

“You too.”

***

"Now, Phil, we've been dating for a pretty long time."

Phil shrugged. "Only like ten years.”

"So, Phil, why did we wait so long for this?"

Phil nodded. "Well, first of all, it wasn't legal for a pretty long time."

"Right. Civil partnerships were a thing in 2004, but I'm lame and traditional, and same sex marriage was only legalized in 2014. That's half of our relationship, for some perspective."

"And, fun fact," Phil added, "Same sex marriage is still illegal in Northern Ireland."

Dan frowned. "That was not a fun fact. That was a very sad fact."

"But it's a true fact," Phil protested.

"Moving on, again!" Dan said. "I also wanted my family to be there, and, well, I'm a mess who didn't even come out to them until like six months ago."

Phil patted Dan's shoulder comfortingly. "You're not a mess."

Dan stared at the camera. "I'm a mess."

"Okay, fine. You're a little bit of a mess."

Dan turned to Phil in mock outrage. “You think I’m a mess?”

“No! I-”

Dan turned back to the camera. “You heard it here, folks. Phil is judging me because I took my time coming out. Phil hates closeted people.”

Phil glared at him. “I’m never agreeing with you ever again.”

“This relationship is off to a great start!”

***

“So back to the original question! Why now, Dan?”

“Well, Phil, now that I’m out to my family we can have a proper wedding, and now that we’re out to our viewers we don’t have to worry about one of our own personal stalkers finding our marriage records.”

“Also, marriage does come with a lot of cool perks,” Phil added.

“Gotta get those sweet, sweet tax benefits.”

“And that sweet, sweet, societal recognition of our relationship.”

“Also, it makes buying a house and general joint property ownership way simpler, which will make it a lot easier to take all of Phil’s subscribers in the inevitable divorce.”

Phil laughed. “What?”

Dan blinked. “Sorry, I didn’t say anything. Did you hear something?”

“Well, I thought I heard you say you were going to divorce me and take my subscribers.”

Dan shook his head, his expression deeply offended. “Why would I say that? Who would do such a thing?”

Phil stared solemnly at the camera. “Gaslighting is a form of abuse.”

“Thank you for the PSA, Phil.”

“Just documenting the abuse I’m currently suffering under so that I can take all your subscribers in the divorce,” Phil said.

Dan frowned. “Okay, I wasn’t going to say anything, but you sounded really serious just then so I now feel the need to clarify that I am not abusing Phil and also, domestic violence is not funny.”

Phil laughed. “No actual abuse.”

Dan sighed. “We’re terrible people, aren’t we?”

“I mean, we’re not terrible people.”

Dan laughed. “We’re just bad people, with terrible senses of humor. That’s so much better.”

“We can edit it out if-” Phil started.

“I mean, it’s your channel-” Dan said.

They stared at each other for a moment before shrugging in unison. “Whatever,” they said, still in unison.

***

“So, Phil, what’s changing for our viewers?” Dan asked.

“Literally nothing. We’ll be taking a short break from uploading-”

“Which I do all the time! So I doubt you’ll even notice.”

“But we’re not going to change the types of videos we upload. This isn’t a relationship channel.”

Dan winked. “As much as you might want it to be.”

“Seriously, though. We’re not even changing our names. Nothing’s changing,” Phil assured the camera.

“But in case it wasn’t clear, here are some FAQs.”

Phil pulled out a stack of notecards and put on his best announcer voice. “Are we invited?”

Dan smiled. “No.”

Phil flipped to the next card. “Kiss!”

“That’s not a question, but somehow, the answer is still no.”

Phil laughed. “I think a photo of us kissing would actually break the internet.”

Dan shrugged. “Really, we’re just being kind to your internet providers.”

“Lester-Howell or Howell-Lester?”

“We already answered that, Phil. You really need to screen these questions better, especially since you wrote them.”

“Answer it anyway,” Phil pleaded.

Dan sighed heavily. “Neither. I would never saddle my child with two last names.”

“Child?” Phil turned to the camera with an exaggerated gasp.

Dan smiled. “That’s all you’re getting. Let the fanfiction writing begin.”

Phil paused. “Wait, so whose last name-”

“Honestly, I was just joking because neither of us are changing our names, but if you want to have a Dan versus Phil to see who gets to name our child-”

“I’m good.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Phil turned to the next card. “Wedding photos?”

“Is that a question or a demand? Please don’t hack my hard drive.”

“Top or bottom?”

“There is no way anyone actually thinks we’ll answer that.”

“Probably not.” Phil flipped again. “And last, but definitely not least, why are we telling our viewers?”

“Well, I think it’s safe to say that we’re telling a lot more people than our viewers. But I never had any healthy models for queer relationships when I was a kid, and if I can provide that, I don’t see why not.” Dan’s voice was surprisingly serious.

“Think of us like your parents,” Phil added. “We’re here to show you how healthy relationships work, but we’re not here to show you everything. Partly because we need some privacy and partly because that would be gross.”

Dan was wincing as soon as he heard the word “parents.” “Phil, Phil, please stop. Do not encourage our audience to think of us as their parents. Did you learn nothing from our tumblr tag? Please never say those words again.”

“Fine, I’ll edit them out.”

Dan shook his head. “You said it, Phil. You can’t escape it.”

“Okay, well, at least give another response so I can decide if I want to keep it in,” Phil persuaded, in the soft, natural, voice he normally saved for off camera.

Dan gave an exaggerated sigh. “Honestly, hiding a relationship is just so much work. Especially a marriage. And you guys are total stalkers. Like seriously. Get a life. Please.”

“That’s better! And much more fitting with who our audience is.”

“Phil, I’m the one who gets to insult our fans. You’re the one who says we love them and appreciate them.”

“We do!” Phil insisted.

“Do we?” Dan asked skeptically.

“Yes.” Phil laughed, staring at Dan in disbelief.

“Kidding,” Dan muttered, flashing a smile at the camera. “Please buy my merch.”

Phil sighed. “Danielhowellshop.com?”

Dan smiled. “Also, while you’re at it, check out my good friend Phil’s merch at amazingphilshop.com!”

Phil stared straight at the camera. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“You know what, we’re such close friends that we also have a joint merch shop, danandphilshop.com. You could begin there, Phil.”

“Is it too early for a divorce?” Phil asked.

“Yes. You’re stuck with me.”

“Am I really?”

“Just think about the tax benefits. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and remember how much money you’re going to save by marrying me.”

Phil shook his head. “It’s not worth it.”

Dan pouted.

***

“For more videos like this-”

“Phil. We’re never making another video like this again.”

“For more videos not like this, click on my face to subscribe to my channel, click on Dan’s face to subscribe to his channel-”

“I have plans to actually upload a video this year-”

“And for our joint channel, click here.” Phil raised their joined hands.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to edit this video, upload it, and disconnect my internet for at least a month.”

Dan turned to Phil. “That’s not a bad idea, actually. I’m not sure I want to open tumblr for the next six years.”

Phil cringed. “Me neither. Guys, please try not to go too crazy. I lost friends over the protip incident of 2016.”

Dan shuddered. “So many people refuse to talk to us now. I’m not even joking.”

“We appreciate the support!” Phil insisted.

“Just like, maybe on our videos instead of completely random ones,” Dan suggested.

Phil nodded. “Anyway, if you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up, or leave a comment. Like I said, Dan and I will be taking a short break from YouTube and social media for the wedding and honeymoon, but we’ll be back soon with plenty of content.”

“I don’t want to see any of your conspiracy theories about how we’re leaving YouTube out there, I promise it’ll only be like a month.”

“And that’s the normal amount of time between two Dan videos,” Phil interjected, “So-”

“Hey! I said I would upload this year.”

Phil smiled. “Never said you wouldn’t.”

***

“Count of three again?” Dan asked.

Phil nodded. “Three, two, one-”

“Goodbye!”

#phanfic #phanfiction #phan #phan fluff #i feel awkward tagging fics on tumblr #bc obviously i can't use the d*n or ph*l tags #so it's just 10 variants of phan #oops #my writing

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #251

apologies the formatting is fucked up, oof.

How many smurfs can you name? Zero. Have you ever fully eradicated a bad habit that you had? Uhhh maybe? I'm not sure. The radio is playing U2, The Defects, Echo & the Bunnymen, The Pointer Sisters, Staubkind, and Dr. Dre. on different stations. Which band are you most likely to listen to? I only know U2 (and do NOT like them), Dr. Dre, and one song by E&TB; I don't know the others. I guess I'd pick whichever song sounded most appealing. Miracle on 34th Street, original or remake? Never seen it. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Do you turn the bass up all the way in your car (or would you if you had a car) and blast the music? Ew, no. That shit's obnoxious. What keeps you from being happy? I'm quiiiite sad of an adult. I want to feel worth something, do something. If you could go back in time and talk to yourself five years ago what would you say to yourself (You can only stay in the past for FIVE MINUTES so make it COUNT!)? At that time, Jason and I would still be together, so I'd try to nail it into my head that I can't put my happiness entirely in another person's hands and that I have to have faith in myself and my own strength. AND ESPECIALLY to not give up, to keep trying harder every day. Five minutes wouldn't be enough. What websites are addictive to you? I'd go bonkers without YouTube, and I go through Tumblr binges, but then don't go on for a few days. I have to check KM daily, but it's not really an "addictive" thing, but rather the admin instinct of I have to make sure everything is in order. I check Facebook habitually, but only like, once or twice a day. Who do you never want to end up like? It's... sad to say, but in a lot of ways, my mom. Her life's just been super, super unfair. As a person she's mostly lovely, but as far as luck, happiness, and success goes, sometimes it feels like the whole world's against her. What will you never ever do again? Turn another person into my whole entire universe. What’s the most terrible lie someone could tell you? Something regarding Jason, I'm sure. Probably like, he said he never loved me or something. Even knowing that's absolute shit, PTSD is a ride and I'd. Lose my absolute shit and obsess over "well what if he really didn't." What was the last thing that you printed out? Stuff for my Women Writers class. We print out SO much shit there. I feel like I've alone killed at least seven trees by now, and we don't have a choice but to print the readings out. What do you look forward to each day? M a r k/Unus Annus video boiz. What’s the best song to listen to after a break up? "It depends on the context of your breakup." <<<< This. The radio is playing Poison, Inxs, the Psychadelic Furs, Dio, and Matchbox 20 on different stations. What do you listen to? AHHHHHHHHH Poison, my friends. Do you know what it’s like to take care of someone else? Not really, I guess? But yes to a degree: I've babysat twice, and I assume that counts, and then when Jason had bronchitis, I would barely let the dude leave the bed. Would you rather take care of someone or be taken care of? I don't know, I guess it depends on what's wrong? What is the worst 80’s song in your opinion? You're asking someone who loves '80s music. I'm sure there are some pop-ish/more mainstream ones I don't like, but idk off the very top of my head. What song makes you so happy that just want to dance and dance and DANCE? None. What has been your most beautiful magical memorable cloud nine manic ecstatic incredibly happy bouncy air-light moment of this life??? Slow-dancing to "Stairway to Heaven" w/ Jason out in my yard in his headlights the night of prom. It's the reason I absolutely, entirely, 100% cannot listen to the song anymore, no chance. Do you go out of your way for other people? Depends on the person. What’s your favorite short story? I don't know. Have do you feel about beauty pageants? I fucking hate them. It always just feeds the standards of society and makes both women and men hate their bodies. It also puts far too much emphasis on the "importance" of appearance versus personality. What is your favorite DIY related website? I don't do/watch DIY stuff. Do you bruise easily? Very very, but not the ones you usually see clearly. I don't know how my anemia test came back negative. What kind of bread do you like? Pumpernickel is entirely the supreme type, I love potato bread too, I enjoy wheat... Are your air and water as pure as you want them to be? Idk about air, but I'd suppose so; we live in a rural area. Our tap water, I'm positive no. There's some weird shit with our water. The smell is fucking disgusting, like pure iron, but supposedly it's clean... We've had it tested a few times, but there is SOMETHING wrong with it. Would you ever visit an insect zoo? Sure, if they couldn't get on me. Can you enjoy life without stimulants (coffee, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol)? All of those, yes. Does caffeine count? If so, I'm sure I could, but it'd be very hard. How much thought do you put into your dance moves? I don't dance, so like... zero. What is something you want to improve on this year? Just how much I care about others' perceptions of me, mainly over the most trivial of things. If you could, would you want to stay young forever? No, considering I want to die one day. Immortality sounds ew. What is/was your worst subject in school? Mathematics. Are you a sarcastic person? Oh yeah. What role does religion play in your life? A small one. It helps that my religion (or at least the one I relate closest to, Neo-Paganism) doesn't have the most strict doctrine, therefore allowing a lot of wiggle room varying from person to person. Can you sleep with your eyes open? No. In the past week, what song have you listened to the most often? "Broadcast From Beyond the Grave: Death Inc." by Motionless In White. What was the last thing you shared with someone else? I shared some fries with my mom last time we grabbed fast food. While playing video games, do you prefer being first or second player? I don't care, UNLESS I'm showing someone a new game and therefore I know what to click and such to set the game up; in that case, I prefer to be player one. Otherwise, I don't care at all. What is the most difficult word for you to pronounce? HA, currently, my Biology professor's last name. I obviously won't share it, but I always fuck it up. What did you have to do for the last homework you were assigned? I have to watch a movie - The Suffragette - for Women Writers for when I missed it that week I was away from school. What was the last important thing that you thought about? I think if Mom and I really should stock up on food and TP, but to an actually realistic degree. You hear so many different voices on how bad this pandemic is really gonna be. Personally, I think it's an extreme overreaction, but what do I know. I haven't researched. Generally, do you call people, or wait for them to call you? I wait. I hate talking on the phone. Has anyone ever questioned your sanity? I'm sure, including my gd self. I'm 99.99% sure at one point in the breakup's aftermath, I actually was insane by definition. Especially now that I'm mostly recovered, looking back I'm just like... "hun." How many people do you depend on? Just my mom, really, but to a dangerous degree. How many people do you think depend on you? I feel like my mom does, to an extent anyway. I'm the only person who lives with her and I know she loves me, so I'm company for her. Especially now that she has cancer, she's really gonna depend on me during chemo and surgery. What is the worst color combination? Uhhh maybe like. Puke green and brown? Have you ever injured yourself walking around in the dark? Yeah, but nothing severely. At what age did you develop an interest in the opposite [or same] sex? Idk. I was "ew, boys" until I think... late elementary school. Girls, I had my bi crisis in the 8th grade. Then came the denial and shoving into the very back of my skull. I came out as bi though late '17. Are you or members of your family religious? I think my entire family is but me. Well, correction, I have like a mild connection to religion, but definitely not Christianity like the rest. When was the last time you acted like someone you’re not? Good question. It's not something I really bother with anymore. Like, I can curve around things I don't want to share, but I don't fake what I do reveal. When was the last time that you cleaned your room? Actually! I vacuumed and dusted yesterday. Or the day before, not sure. How many hats do you own/wear? Either none or one, in which case it would be a Carolina Hurricanes' cap as a memento I got from one of the hockey games Dad and I went to. Did the last song you listened to hold any special meaning? I actually don't recall what it was. Are you experiencing problems within a current relationship? No. When you’re upset, who do you turn to? Usually Mom. Does winter weather depress you? Noooo! Who was the last person that you called? Me mother. What product was being advertised on the last commercial you saw? I haven't watched TV in forever. When you think about your last relationship, what song comes to mind? "Oh, Pretty Woman" by Van Halen REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Are there any lyrics to describe your current crush/relationship? Eh. Who in your life makes you the most uncomfortable? Probably my sister's husband, really. I don't think he likes me at all. Treats me decently to my face, but I have my reasons to believe so. Do you ever receive comments on your weight? Not unless I'm at the doctor. Occasionally people who know me well comment I've lost weight, but it hasn't really happened lately now that my weight's slightly risen for who the actual fuck knows why. Don't get me started. Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? Uhhh just for that sole purpose, don't think so. When you need a temporary escape, what do you do? Listen to music or sleep. What was the last lie that you believed in? I don't want to focus on it. What band would you most like to meet? OZZY. LET ME SEE MY DAD. What was the last thing that you wrote down [with a pen/pencil]? Psychology notes. Has anyone told you that you have a nice smile? Yes. Are you uncomfortable with being photographed? YES. How many people have you talked to today? Just Mom. We woke up in the middle of the night to screeching tires outside; someone lost control of their car because dumbasses go lightning speed around this cure we live on. When you go camping, do you sleep in a tent or an RV? Never legitimately been camping. What’s one ridiculous thing that you do? Let anxiety ruin a lot of opportunities. Do you feel that you must wear makeup to be attractive? Ehhh no, depending on your taste. Ever done anything dangerous while driving with someone else in the car? I don’t drive. Name someone you wish you could be closer with? There's a handful of old high school friends/acquaintances I have on Facebook I really wanna rekindle relationships with. I think I especially would like to get to know Courtlynn better. We seem very similar. What’s unique about your city or town? Its name is shared with a town in Tennessee. Are you a momma’s girl/boy? I'm very close to my mom. What is your favorite dance to do? *shrugs* What is your favorite song to sing? I don't really sing along with songs, but I suppose "Disguise" by MiW. It holds meaning to me and I also just love the chorus. Is English your 1st language? Yes. Did your older sibling ever tell you freaky stories that you believed? I DO NOT know why I remember this, but one time she told me that a boy in her class kept saying the same word repeatedly so many times that it became the only word he could say. It scared me, lmao. Where is the biggest scar on your body? I'd assume at the very bottom of my pelvis where I had surgery. I can't actually see it, but cleaning the area let me know it was kinda long. Do you have a yahoo account? No. Is your mom prettier than you? This is such a mean question, tf. What do you think about guys shaving their legs? You shave whatever you want, boo. Are you a violent person? Not at all, if you don't include my insane nightmares/terrors/whatever they qualify as. Those are always violent. Do you like word searches and cross word puzzles? I do. Have you ever gone to a private school? Yes, my college.

#survey #quiz #questions

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angrylizardjacket · 5 years

Text

Asher Kids Do An Interview

Choose an OC.

Answer them as that OC.

Tag 5 people to do the same.

Tagging @siriuslymooned @sam-writes @toplesstaylor @rogerandhishair and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!!

[aydtd]

Note: Astrid is the oldest. Cate is the middlest. Barney is the youngest.

1. What is your name?

Cate: Cate Taylor.

Barney: Barney Clarke- Taylor... Sun.

Astrid: Astrid Taylor.

2. Do you know why are you named that?

Cate: It’s short for Catherine.

Astrid: Is that what it’s short for?

Cate: Shut up.

Barney: What are you short for?

Astrid: That’s just how I grew.

Barney: You grew?

Astrid: I didn’t come out of ma at five-foot nothin’, yeah I fuckin’ grew, ya turnip.

Cate: Barney’s short for Barnabus.

Astrid: Barney’s short for a giant.

Barney: Taller than both of you.

Astrid: Taller than everyone.

Cate: ’s not difficult to be taller than Trid.

Astrid: Shut it; Barney what’s the deal with your last name?

Barney: Clarke is my professional name, I was born a Taylor, and I married into Sun. So legally I’m Barnabus Sun-Taylor, but I’m usually credited professionally as Barney Clarke.

Astrid: Huh. Nice; I didn’t realise you and Mickey [Barney’s partner] hyphenated. I’m named Astrid ‘cos dad liked how it sounded.

3. Are you single or taken?

Barney: Taken. [Barney wiggles the fingers off his left hand, to show where a wedding ring sits neatly on his ring finger.]

Cate: Taken? Taken. Not married though, almost made that mistake before.

Astrid: Single as.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

[There’s a long silence, the three of them look at one another with confusion.]

Barney: I played a superhero once.

Astrid: Oh yeah, you were good in that, what was it-?

Barney: X-Men.

Cate: Did you really forget X-Men?

Astrid: He’s been in a lot of movies!

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

Cate: The next time you read an alcoholic, lesbian, disaster Mary Sue, can you please send me a link?

Astrid: Hey!

Barney: I’m pretty sure it’s ‘Gary Stu’ for me?

Cate: You’re not a Gary Stu... Actually-

Astrid: Maybe a little?

Barney: I’m successful, there’s a difference, I think.

Cate: (amused) Did you put yourself through the litmus test?

Astrid: There’s a litmus test?

6. What’s your eye color?

Astrid: Blue.

Cate: Blue.

Barney: Ma’s eyes all the way; green.

7. How about your hair color?

Barney: Ginger.

Cate: I dunno, I think I’d consider myself a strawberry blonde.

Astrid: We’re a weird sliding scale between mum and dad; I’ve got dad’s blonde hair.

8. Have any family members?

[They look at each other with amusement.]

Astrid: (sarcastically) No, I’ve never seen these people before in my life.

9. Oh? How about pets?

Cate: My daughter’s been asking about getting a dog and I’m pretty sure Joe’s gonna get her one if he gets wind of how much she wants it.

Astrid: God, imagine her little face if Joe gets her a puppy, oh Christ.

Cate: She’d cry, she’d absolutely cry, like happy tears but... oh, God I’m gonna get a dog aren’t I?

Barney: Pets are great; I love Sir more every day.

Astrid: I hope [Cate’s] dog is nothing like Sir, that cat is an asshole-

Barney: Only to you.

Astrid: Barn, your cat is an asshole.

Barney: You’re an asshole.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like?

Astrid: Barney’s fucking cat.

Barney: Astrid.

Cate: Calm down you babies. I don’t like wearing high heels.

Astrid: Seconded.

Barney: Thirded.

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

Barney: I box.

Astrid: That’s your go-to, isn’t it?

Barney: Fine, I also enjoy swimming, spending time with Mickey, and mixing drinks.

Cate: That’s cute.

Astrid: I enjoy drinking the drinks he mixes.

Cate: That’s less cute.

Barney: Drinking isn’t a hobby.

Astrid: Alright, I enjoy going to pubs to listen to music, driving fast cars, and spending time with pretty people.

Cate: Yeah, that checks out. I don’t have a lot of time for hobbies, though I play music, my bass mostly, and, ah, studying languages I guess. And spending time with Claud [her daughter], obviously.

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

Astrid: Bar fights, mostly. Smacked a few assholes who’ve heckled Barn’s movies while I’m trying to watch them.

Barney: That’s actually kind of sweet. I’ve only been in one bar fight, and Trid finished that guy off, but other than that, and a few stunts gone wrong, a few hits in boxing, not really.

Cate: (visibly uncomfortable) Not, uh, not physically.

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

Astrid: What the fuck? No.

14. What kind of animal are you?

Cate: I think I’m a meerkat.

[Astrid immediately raises her hands up to her chest like paws, perking up and looking around, imitating a meerkat. Cate smiles, and imitates the gesture.]

Barney: Yeah, I can see it. Trid’s that terribly taxidermied- ah, [he pulls out his phone, and taps away at the screen for a moment] cheetah!

[Astrid shoves him, but both he and Cate are laughing.]

Astrid: You’re your asshole cat.

15. Name your worst habits?

Barney: Oh, Mickey actually hit the nail on the head when we did the Husband Tag on their channel the other day- follow Mickey, they’re sunteamick, all one word, on YouTube.

Cate: What did they say?

Barney: I’m too unperturbed.

Astrid: You’re too chill?

Barney: They said I’m a danger to myself because of it; got hit in the face at boxing a few months ago, broke my nose - not the first time, but still not pleasant - and went home instead of to the hospital because I didn’t think it was that bad. It wasn’t; I still should have gone to hospital but it wasn’t that bad. Much worse things could have happened, it’s just a nose.

Cate: You need to be more perturbed?

Barney: I need to be more perturbed.

Astrid: Being unperturbed isn’t exactly a habit.

Barney: I also leave the cap off the toothpaste after I use it.

Cate: That’s bad and you should feel bad.

Barney: I do, but I’ll never change. It perturbs Mickey.

Astrid: My worst habit is that - I’m a stunt driver sometimes, right, and I do mad dangerous stunts, and every time I get injured or have like, a near death experience, I don’t think like ‘oh maybe I should slow down’, I think ‘how long until I can get this fuckin’ cast off and get back behind the wheel?’.

Cate: You’re an adrenaline junkie.

Astrid: But only with dangerous car stunts.

Barney: You perturb me.

Astrid: Good.

Cate: I bite my nails.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

Astrid: Physically or metaphorically?

Barney: You look up to everyone physically.

[Note; Barney Clarke is 6′4. Astrid Taylor is 5′0.]

Cate: Our parents, obviously. They’re very successful, and have been through a lot. I grew up idolising them because they’re my parents, but as I came to know more about them as people, it was just natural to idolise them as people too.

Barney: Yeah, mum and dad, also Alec Baldwin.

Cate: Alec Baldwin, really? I wouldn’t have picked that.

Barney: Did you see him in Streetcar? [he hums appreciatively] That man’s career, his talent, all the stuff of legend. Meryl Streep, too.

Cate: Yeah no, I get that.

Astrid: Meryl Streep can get it.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

Barney: Uh, I’m pan?

Cate: I’m probably on the asexual spectrum, I haven’t thought about it in a while. Not aromantic though, I guess I’d be bi or pan romantic? Queer. I’m queer.

Astrid: I’m- look at me, I’m a whole damn lesbian.

18. Do you go to school?

Astrid: I take a few classes here and there, but I actually didn’t finish high school, dropped out in Year 10 with my parent’s blessing and started working as a mechanic.

Cate: I haven’t studied in a while but I have a Masters in Public Relations.

Astrid: And she speaks like eight languages.

Cate: Five.

Astrid: Still, you’re a very impressive lady.

Cate: Thanks, Trid.

Barney: I finished high school, but I’ve been working pretty steadily since then, don’t have a degree or anything.

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

Cate: I’ve got Claud, I almost married her dad, but... but that would have been bad for everyone. I’m not in a hurry to get married, let’s say.

Barney: Mickey and I don’t really want to be parents just yet, maybe one day, but we’re happy just spoiling Claud when we can.

Astrid: Oh, absolutely seconded; that kid is terrifyingly sweet for how spoiled she is.

Barney: She’s so great.

Cate: She really is.

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

Astrid: I run a Barney stan account on Twitter.

Barney: Really?

Astrid: Fuck no, but he does actually have fans.

Cate: I guess we all have fans in our own way, but a lot of that, like minus Barney, who’s genuinely a star, is more because of mum and dad.

Astrid: Imagine if Claud grows up to be a Queen stan on tumblr.

Cate: That’s horrifying.

21. What are you most afraid of?

Cate: The concept of Claud finding smut about Joe.

Astrid: The concept that Cate’s found and read smut about Joe.

Barney: Why would she need it? Couldn’t she just-

Astrid: Maybe before they were together?

Cate: I hate you both.

Barney: Well, that’s not a ‘no I haven’t read smut about my boyfriend’. Also I’m afraid of submarines.

Astrid: Submarines?

Barney: The big hole in the front of them gives me anxiety.

22. What do you usually wear?

Barney: Astrid doesn’t get to answer this one because she doesn’t know what fashion is, and dresses like a single dad in the middle of his mid-life crisis.

[Astrid shrugs but keeps quiet; her shorts have oil stains on them.]

Barney: Good. I’m a fan of colourful button-downs and slacks.

Astrid: Gucci [pronounced Gucky, like ducky but with a G] button-downs, you mean.

Barney: (quietly, but with a lot of feeling) I hate you.

[Cate is laughing too hard to answer. She wears a pastel sweater and well fitting jeans.]

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

Astrid: Kracken Rum.

Cate: That doesn’t count as food.

Astrid: I’m not changing my answer.

Cate: Fine. Original Glaze Krispy Cream Donuts.

Barney: Like the ones dad used to buy us when we’d visit him on tour in America?

Cate: Yeah! God they’re good.

Barney: I’m always tempted by whatever Mickey cooks, though they don’t do it a lot. I usually cook. I enjoy it a lot.

24. Am I annoying to you?

Cate: No, you’re fine.

25. Well, it’s still not over!

Astrid: How many questions left?

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

[All three of them seem to become uncomfortable with the question.]

Cate: We- we’re comfortable. Our parents are Roger and Ash Taylor, we’ll always be comfortable.

27. How many friends do you have?

Cate: I’d say we’ve all got good circles - very different circles, sure-

Barney: If Astrid could stop collecting my pretty-boy costars that is.

Astrid: (smugly) It’s not my fault I’m good at making friends with your pretty-boy costars.

Barney: I’m glad people don’t realise we’re related, sometimes.

Astrid: Because I embarrass you?

Barney: (grumbling under his breath) Because everyone thinks you’re cooler than me.

Astrid: Men are so easy to get; look good, drive fast, and drink hard. Once they find out I’m gay and I can help wingman them really well, and maybe fix their cars, I’ve got ‘em, hook, line, and sinker.

Barney: That’s a bit of a generalisation, don’t you think?

Astrid: Fine; pretty boys in Hollywood are easy to get.

Barney: That much I’ll give you.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

Cate: Actually, Barney, that apple pie you made for Easter was stunning, I was meaning to tell you.

Astrid: Easter was months ago.

Cate: I’ve been busy!

Barney: Thanks, I can send you the recipe if you like.

Cate: I’d never have the time to cook it.

Barney: I’ll make it for you again, then.

29. Favorite drink?

Astrid: Kracken. Rum.

Barney: Peanut butter and chocolate milkshake.

Cate: (again, uncomfortable) Orange juice, I guess.

30. What’s your favorite place?

Barney: The kitchen of my LA apartment, with a roast dinner in the oven and Mickey sitting at the kitchen island talking to me about their day.

Cate: Awww!

Astrid: That’s really sweet, Barn.

Cate: Well mine’s probably being side of stage at one of dad’s concerts with Claud with me.

Astrid: (quiet) Mine’s gonna sound stupid.

Cate: No, it’s- well, maybe.

Astrid: It’s just- I don’t really have like a favourite favourite place, you know? I have like, moments with people that just stick with me. Like, I shared a cigarette with Ben [Hardy] during one of Cate’s gigs and I just remember talking and laughing and looking up at the stars, and I could hear my talented as all fuck sister playing inside, and I just- it was lovely.

Cate: Trid...

Astrid: And you know, I do remember X-Men, you know? Because when you flew with that scream-thing you do in the movie? I fucking cried. I was so fucking proud, dude. My favourite place is in a cinema watching my little brother on the big screen, or at a bar watching my sister smash out some of the best rock and roll of our generation, or watching dad play, or seeing mum’s smile when she’s finally happy with an outfit- fuck, sorry I didn’t mean to get all sappy and shit.

Barney: No- Trid, no, don’t apologise.

31. Are you interested in anyone?

Astrid: Not in a long-term sense.

[Cate and Barney share a frown, before turning their identical ‘are you kidding me?’ looks on the interviewer.]

32. That was a stupid question…

Barney: Yeah, I’m married.

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

Cate: Ocean, always the ocean.

Barney: Yeah, I’m with you on that one.

Astrid: But the ocean has submarines in it.

Barney: Well I can’t see them so it’s fine.

Astrid: Fair cop, I also have to say ocean.

34. What’s your type?

Astrid: (teasingly) Cate likes cute, goofy actors with dumb perms and big grins and-

Cate: Astrid likes all girls ever, especially if they buy her a drink.

Astrid: Guilty as charged.

Barney: Two opposite ends of the spectrum? Every girl ever and Joe Mazzello specifically?

Cate: ... Pretty much.

35. Any fetishes?

[Astrid opens her mouth, but Cate smacks her hand over her mouth.]

Cate: That’s information I don’t need to know about my sister, thanks.

Barney: (grinning) Bondage.

Astrid: (muffled) Nice.

Cate: Christ.

Barney: That’s the tame shit, Catie.

Cate: You are my Baby Brother, shut your mouth. Ow!

[Astrid has bitten Cate’s hand. She removes her hand from Astrid’s mouth.]

Barney: I’m a married man!

Cate: I don’t want to know what you guys are into, and I don’t want you to know what I’m into, okay? We all know too much about our own family, I’d like some modicum of privacy.

Astrid: Yeah, after you see your mum bare it all in a photoshoot from the seventies with Bowie, life does get a little weird.

Barney: Oh, I forgot about that. Okay, moving on.

36. Camping or outdoors?

Astrid: Camper van.

Barney: I like hiking, but not really camping.

Cate: Claud camps in the backyard sometimes, it’s fun to join her, sometimes we stargaze.

Astrid: That’s a grossly cute image to end on.

Barney: Does Joe stargaze with you guys?

Cate: (blushing) Once or twice. Claud fell asleep on him last time. It was pretty cute.

Astrid: Oh that’s actually really cute.

Cate: Yeah, it was.

#aydtd extended universe #ask your destiny to dance #the angry lizard writes #joe mazzello x oc

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ruffiorocks · 5 years

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Men can be SuperCorp and Agent Corp shippers to. They can support subtext!

So I put up a chat I had with my 34 year old straight as a ruler brother. His favorite Superhero has always been Supergirl, he still loves the 1984 film and we grew up watching it. Does that make him gay? Of course not!

But he really likes the Supergirl show. He's a bit behind so he usually gets a Monday morning rant from me about what happened. Or he catches up on YouTube.

My brother is a Supercorp shipper. He saw the chemistry instantly! He spends the majority of his time asking me if Kara and Lena have had anymore practically gay scenes. He also isn't a James Olsen fan, he thought Guardian was OK, but now he can't be dealing with him.

So last night my brother put on some YouTube clips. First he put on the Adam and Lena scenes (he really is behind ) and he was like 'Lena is the scientist!' 'Omg Lena and her mum!'

Next he put on the Nia and Maeve fall out scene. His mouth fell open when Maeve said the things to Nia. I told him the context, why Maeve was upset etc. He said he could see why she was upset and that she was lashing out in anger bur that didn't excuse what she said. I agree.

Next was Kara revealing her identity to Nia. He thought that was cool, but he also said that if Nia knows because she's a hero then surely Lena should know to?!

Then we had the Thanksgiving argument between Lena and James. I explained about he indictment and how Lena sorted it and he was outraged that James would speak to Lena like that! He was like 'what a d**k! He just left Lena in the hallway all sad!'

Then we had the break up scene. He didn't like James lack of support for Lena. (I explained context again) But he also saw what i saw and although we were both jumping for joy at this break up, we both saw that Lena seems to have picked that fight and done this on purpose.

Lastly was the Alex and Lena scenes. The first thing he's said was Alex looks more and more gay every episode. He then saw that Lena seemed to glance at Alex's boobs. He yelled 'MISS TESSMACHER!' He does this everytime she's on screen. Probably because he freaking loves Cat Grant! Then he expressed joy that Lena has Alexs support. Lastly he was like 'Alex, Lena, Eve team up! '

He thew in a few comments like 'Lena always saves the day!' and 'Lena should clone herself, give them all a different power and call them 'The Legion of Lena's!'

So, someone said his responses sounded fake. That I had just made up this conversation. I'd like to ask why?

My straight brother is apparently not capable of having the EXACT same reactions that most of us did? He isn't allowed to support a lesbian ship? Is he doing this because he thinks the characters are hot and would like to see them together? Maybe, but you know who else is doing that? WE ARE!

Straight Men are allowed to openly support LGBT ships. My brother thought Winn and James would be a great couple!

He also doesn't care for homophobia. I told him 2 years ago I was bi. Not everyone in my fam knows that. His reaction? 'Oh so you definitely like women then? That's cool!' Now we both openly drool over Katie McGrath and Gal Gadot.

That's another thing! My brother loves Wonder Woman! He loves the old Linda Carter series, he loves the animated character and he loves the movie and the movie version of her. Is it because she's hot and doesn't wear a lot? I'm sure it's a contributing factor! But I think the same thing. He also thinks that Wonder Woman is the best part of Batman V Superman. He likes them, but he sees that Wonder Woman is the star of that movie!

He likes that Superman came into the Supergirl show. I told him I liked him to but I don't want him there all the time because the show will become to focused on him. He got that, he didn't' like that season 2 spent so much time on Mon El.

So my point, just because someone is a straight 34 year old male it doesn't mean they can't see exactly the same things that we do. It doesn't mean they are instantly out to get us. It doesn't mean that they are only interested in the hot women. They can just enjoy the show the same as we can. They can be supportive. I'm sorry if some men have treated you badly in the past, but that doesn't mean every man is out to get you or put you down or take your power.

My brother is an LGBT ally, does he say dumb things sometimes? Yeah because it's new to him and no one is perfect. Is he a misogynist? I doubt it since he's spent the majority of his working career with our older sister as his boss. He even says I'm way smarter than him and asks my advice on things.

Men aren't all bad. I've met some damn right horrible lesbians, gay men and feminists. Lesbians that hate all men just 'because' then get upset if people are homophobic to them. Feminists that think all men should die out, that women should be the only ones with any power. That if a man holds a door open for you he is putting you down and dominating you. Or gay men that hate straight men just 'because'.

Now I'm sure that many members of the groups or even people reading this have been hurt by a member of one those groups or more. Maybe they offended your or worse. But that doesn't mean everyone in that group deserves to be put down. It doesn't mean they can't be allies. It doesnt mean they can't attend Pride and wear a rainbow in solidity.

I went off topic a bit there. So I'll just end this by saying if you tell straight men they aren't allowed to support you or you don't believe they could see the same things in a show that you do then you are alienating yourselves. You're the problem not them.

#lena luthor #supergirl #kara danvers #supercorp #anti james olsen #eve teschmacher #winn shott #agentcorp #alex danvers #lgbtq #men arent all bad just because they are men #men can see subtext to #men can have the same reactions as women #my straight brother is a supercorp shipper

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upslapmeal · 5 years

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So on Monday I went to Rachel Bloom’s concert in London which was honestly so much fun, and I said I’d make a post about it so here are the Hot Deets™

Rachel talked between songs, a significant proportion of which was done in an accent that would make Dick Van Dyke proud, and I’m not going to be able to remember everything so I’ve made a list of the songs (minus whichever ones I’ve inevitably forgotten) in (roughly) the order they were performed and I’ll just mention any notable things I remember. Oh and it was 6 years ago to the day that Rachel and Aline first met!

Period Sex

a strong opener, of course

she changed macys.com to primark and everyone lost their minds

‘primark sounds like a brand of pregnancy test’

Oh My God I Think I Like You

‘that was barely a song, we wrote that in about 20 minutes so here’s an actual song’

We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now

this was based, naturally, on Rachel and Adam Schlesinger’s electric chemistry

I’m A Good Person

she preceded this with a hilarious story about how when she and her husband were in London for the first time, she got him to watch Mary Poppins which he hadn’t seen before, and all he took away was that Mary Poppins spent the film gaslighting two children

‘the way they talk about it being real after all in Mary Poppins Returns is EXACTLY how people talk about repressed memories of that time uncle Bobby had a little too much to drink’

this had the seamless link to the song of her saying that she may have ruined our childhoods but she had something to tell us, except she misread the planned song order so the band started playing........not I’m A Good Person

♫ say it, tell me I’m a good person wait no not yet I have a whole bit I wanted to do ok say it or I won’t stop making fun of your accent: ‘I’m from the north’ ‘I’m from the south’ ‘and I’m from the fucking SEEEAAAAAAA!’ ♫

Feeling Kinda Naughty

Sexy French Depression

‘this is a song about Europe, which you may not be part of any more?’

I was going to stick a video of the story she told beforehand here but I can’t work out how to without uploading it to youtube

but basically it was the story of her husband trying to get takeaway soup from a restaurant in Paris that refused to give him takeaway

..........it was funnier than that sounds

Friendtopia

they bought on two audience members to sing the Heather/Valencia parts and Kat Burns taught them the dance!

Kat was a sweetheart and checked we all understood what y’all meant

we got her ‘have a good show!’ before they started the song

We Tapped That Ass

Adam and Ethan Eubanks (the drummer) sang this while Rachel and Kat danced

Rachel, sitting on stage putting on her tap shoes while everyone else waits: ‘you know I really should have worked this into the act’

then at the end she got Kat to help her with a bit she messed up during the song until she got it right

What’ll It Be

unlike putting her shoes on, taking her shoes off was worked into the act in the form of Adam singing this

it was the first of several times the audience all shone/waved our phone torches

It Was A Shit Show

full video of this here

‘if anyone wants to sing this to someone tonight then go for it, you know they’re not the one’

The Math Of Love Triangles

Pete Gardner and Scott Michael Foster appeared to sing the professors’ parts and the audience lost it, all the people I could hear near me clearly had no idea they would be there and it was the first song to get a standing ovation

Jazz Fever

if there was just one of Rachel’s pre-CXG songs I wanted her to perform then it would have been this so I was delighted

I Love My Daughter

Let’s Have Intercourse

sung by Scott ‘I may have drunk too much last night so can you all sing the high notes for me bc there is physically no way I can hit them rn’ Foster

at the end he put a condom on one of Rachel’s fingers and she gave it to someone in the audience

except apparently it was drenched in lube which was then all over Rachel’s hands, making getting the mike off the stand for the next song trickier than it should have been

‘it turns out that lube makes a great cuticle cream’

A Diagnosis

Gettin’ Bi

the bi flag flown high was, in fact, a union jack

Scott was (not played, was) the saxophone solo

I Go To The Zoo

either they got the volume wrong at the start or they wanted it to feel like we were in an actual club but it was so loud at the beginning you couldn’t even hear Scott sing

Rachel and Kat were the animals, Pete was Ron and not-Susan

Fuckton Of Cats

Sports Analogies

Pete sang (mostly - there were definitely a couple of lines that should have had words but came out badadabumdapdaadaa) the Josh lines

naturally they added a final line about how football isn’t soccer

The Darkness

another time the audience all shone/waved our phone torches, apparently the first time that had happened for a performance of this song

‘singing about the darkness to an audience that’s literally giving me light is pretty fucking moving’

Ray Bradbury/Stacy’s Mom Mashup

I knew they’d performed Stacy’s Mom at some of the other concerts they’ve done but it wasn’t until this concert that I made the connection with Adam Schlesinger

this was the ‘‘‘‘last song’’’

‘I need to tell them there will be an encore, Adam! IF I DIDN’T THEY MIGHT LEAVE’

You Stupid Bitch

all the little side comments in this song work so well with it being an actual song performed live to an audience

we did know this one! we did sing with her!!

honestly what better way to close the show

Towards the end Rachel, Kat, Pete and Scott posed for photos based on themes suggested by the audience - zoo, horny angry tango, and group hug:

And that’s about it! Afterwards everyone except Rachel (at least while I was there) popped out to spend a bit of time at the stage door but the group I was with was too far back in the queue to say hi. I did, however, get my Broom Darryl pin passed up the queue to Pete when he came out so he got that and put it on his hat. But the whole thing was just such a Good Time, 10/10 would recommend if Rachel Bloom performs anywhere near you. Or even not that near, I can confirm that it’s worth the flight.

#I should be asleep but I had to make this now bc otherwise I'd have forgotten even more that I already have #rachel bloom #crazy ex girlfriend #cxg #upslaplife

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