#i will never forgive myself!

[fallout-lou-begas]

So hypothetically in IKROAH, House could offer Agnes gender-affirming surgeries with bullshit sci fi tech? but also could easily be too transphobic to do that. im so interested in how different characters are going to be effected by agnes, youve done such a good job integrating queerness/transness into Fallout in a way that feels so natural

Thank you, it's something I'm very proud of with how I've written Agnes' position in the world. I've always hated ideas like, everybody can just get their own personal top surgery autodoc or just go to the Think Tank to get their whole body transmogrified; as a real transsexual existing today I know trans health care is rarely a priority of people capable of providing it, and writing transness as something much more scrappy than that is how I know it best. I've talked about it plenty before, I'm on mobile right now but I'm pretty sure it's in my #gaysteland tag or something.

Mr. House will be appearing before the end of Volume 2, and he's been one of my most favorite characters to write. I hope it'll be worth the wait. And despite what I said about disliking bullshit sci fi tech, if anyone would put some damn good chips on the table, it’d certainly be Robert Edwin House...

#asks #anon #ikroah meta #ikroah will never be canceled because if i can't get to the parts of my script i've been excited to execute for years #i will never forgive myself!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 (soon))

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU #I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track) #The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more. #I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by #and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles! #Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise! #I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space. #It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is #You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together: #I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper. #I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything. #You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there. #Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite. #day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less: #'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all) #This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly. #(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)

[babacontainsmultitudes]

save me, hot Glenn holidays. hot Glenn holidays. hot Glenn holidays, save me.

#I ACTUALLY GASPED AT MERCEDES' LINE #I AM SHIELDING SPARROW WITH MY ENTIRE LIFE BUT ALSO WHERE IS HE LARK LET'S LOOK TOGETHER OKAY? #dndads #dndads spoilers #dungeons and daddies #dndads s2 ep 48 #sparrow oak #sparrow oak garcia #henry oak #henry oak garcia #mercedes oak garcia #god not to mention ''you'll probably never forgive me for this'' and Normal *tugs collar* definitely having some not great feelings rn #(truthfully I have some bones to pick with how Will is going about things to be completely honest with you but I'll keep that to myself) #(for now at least)

[suntails]

wintery mallevil comm <3

#forgot to post this to tumblr. please forgive me i swear i thought it was already here #listen to me. i have ten billion ships do u know how fun it is to get a comm for one ive never drawn and would likely never draw myself #giving me the opportunity to draw smth for the agenda <3 <3 sry im always too busy drawing plot art i forget to draw other ship stuff FHBJK #^_^ spinning in circles <3 #twst #twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #vil schoenheit #mallevil #suntails

[haunted-xander]

Sometimes I think about Urianger's role in and feelings on the Thancred-Ryne dynamic and I think watching it kills him a bit inside. For several reasons.

Like, to begin with there's the guilt he's been carrying with him since he ushered Minfilia to the first, how he effectively killed the person Thancred cared about the most in the world and who's "death" ended up causing Ryne's entire Situation. He looks at what's happening between them and can only think "I caused this" even though that's not really true. No one person is responsible for this outcome, it's a culmination of several circumstances and the consequences of them. Logically, Urianger knows this. But it doesn't matter, because his guilt is overpowering his logic.

And also, like. What Thancred is doing here, the way he's knowingly letting Ryne be and stay hurt because he literally cannot bring himself to tell her his feelings, is the exact same mistake Urianger made with Moenbryda. Of course, the circumstances are vastly different, and the potential consequences to Thancred telling Ryne the wrong things or her misinterperating it is far greater (being a matter of literal life or death), it's still the same sort of paralysis they are trapped in.

And he knows it. He sees it. But he can't say or do anything about it, he doesn't have the right to. He acknowledges the mistake, but he hasn't really improved upon it yet. He still doesn't voice his thoughts and feelings as he should. He's also non-confrontational by nature, he doesn't argue or try to change peoples minds, he probably doesn't think he has any place to.

So, he tries to help in what little ways he can. Because he doesn't want it to become Monebryda again, he doesn't want to know he stole not one but two people from Thancred. So he does what he can. He tells Ryne little tidbits about Thancred, things that help her understand him but are safe to share. Nothing too deep, nothing too personal. Just small things, things that are purely factual, because he can't afford to give her a false image of who Thancred is. He teacher her fun and interesting things, because Thancred isn't in the mindset to provide her with non-essential skills.

I like to think Urianger has brought it up with Thancred at least once, during one of his stays. But nothing would've come of it. Not really. Unlike Y'shtola, Urianger isn't pushy, he'll bring it up once or twice and when he sees this won't go anywhere, he gives up. He wants to help, but he knows that persistance only does do much, and he is not the person who has the resiliance needed to push and push until Thancred finally budges (because he won't budge, it won't help anything but to sour things further by adding aditional stress to an already strained dynamic).

And like. Urianger gets it. He gets it because he's been the same way- not saying what he should to someone he loves more than anything else because she was meant to figure her life out herself, and 'steering' her in any direction by telling her his feelings (regardless of if the 'steering' is intention or not) will go against that. He gets it. He gets it and it's all the more painful for it. He knows it can't just be fixed by acknowledging it or with encouragement, something needs to happen to break the stasis.

I think this is probably why he stayed behind while they went off to Nabaath Areng. This is the very last chance they have to say what they want to, and he can't afford to be the anchor anymore. This is about them, not him, he can't let their resolution be buffed by his presence, so he stays behind. Which was probably for the best. Ryne got nervous when Urianger said he's staying behind, probably not too excited about being alone with Thancred (well, not alone, but WoL doesn't count) so soon after she had ran away crying. But she needs to be nervous. For anything positive to come out of this Thancred and Ryne both can't afford to be too relaxed. As sad as it is, the stress is necessary for anything to happen. He knows it. Does he like it? Absolutely not, but nor does he like his other plots. At least no one dies this time if it goes right.

#urianger had an integral part in the thancred-ryne situation and i think its very important to remember that #like i think he served as a very important buffer that prevented the dynamic from becoming even more strained than it already was #but also like. ryne NEEDED to have at least someone she can be comfortable around without the stress of her circumstances souring it #urianger is uniquely suited to play that role. even with his guilt regarding minfilia he never showed anything but genuine kindness for her #it helps that she didnt know about his hand in the situation existing to begin with (as shes surprised when he tells her in ahm areang) #THATS ALSO IMPORTANT BTW. like this man had a DIRECT hand in making this happen (even if it isnt fully his fault. minfilia made her choice) #AND LIKE. the parallels between uri-moen and thancred-ryne. they both love these girls so so much but cant bring themselves to say anything #urianger has been through the pain before. he knows. but he hasnt improved much himself. what right does he have to scold thancred? #silent support is all he can give. pushing thancred would make him a hypocrite and risk making it worse. hes not suited for confrontation #y'shtola and uriangers approaches to helping both have their merits but it needs a balance #too much pushing and the dynamic just gets worse but too forgiving and nothing will ever change #and yes i know im just repeating myself but ITS IMPORTANT OK #GOD #urianger augurelt #thancred waters #ryne waters #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #xander rambles #xander being insane about ryne #urianger actually this time but. its related to ryne so. it gets the tag

[hexational]

uugmmmm here's my designs for these three specifically because theyre basically me two of my favourite people in the whole world RAHHHH

stuff for design under cut:

please dont look at the lower half of infected's body i gave up and didnt want to lower the skateboard too laazy

unpleasant selectively has arms when he chooses, i hc her as a shapeshifter of some kind soooo YAY

anad lampert has comically large metal paws because i hate drawing feet (evident with infected and unpleasant's nubs)

aanyway lolz, infected's design is inspired by my friend tweeg's interpretation and lampert's design is inspired by my partner ray's interpretation okay BYEE

#regretevator #regretevator fanart #regretevator art #regretevator unpleasant #regretevator lampert #regretevator infected #infected regretevator #unpleasant regretevator #lampert regretevator #regretevator kasper #my drawing of infected is so inconsistant #and unpleasant but i draw her enough to forgive myself for it #why is lampert the only consistant one? we'll never know #also infected is the shortest of these three in my humble opinion because i said so

[ls-tbl]

Some silly class doodles (with the MOUSE GAHHGAH EXPLODES weeps agony)

Hes OKAY guys TRUST ME

#its funny bc i refuse to use refs and afterwards when i notice something off #i never forgive myself and it bothers me for the rest on time #im a little obsessed #the urge to scream and shake and yell and GO CRAZY IN THE TAGS #I MIGHT!!!! #but i will spare you. for NOW #i actually love this game and fan content sooo much ohh my god i might blow up #mirage ultrakill #v2 ultrakill #my art #ultrakill #dect

[omaano]

Big Blue joins The Mandalorian Meets Hades Project!

#I was sitting on that dialogue for a week orz don't judge me here. their love language is insults #in my defence I forgot how to draw in the past weeks and needed to fuss with this a little to reset my brain #paz vizsla #dinpaz #pazdin #the mandalorian #the mandalorian fanart #hades au #din djarin #my art #I'm actively thinking about what trinkets to assign to Paz but if I don't post it now I never will #I figured Paz would be great in the Asterius role in-game even if he has more of a theseus like shit talking kind of vibe lol XD #Like make it a Din and Grogu vs Paz and Ragnar kind of battle #where Grogu can eventually three-shot the other kid but if Din so much as brushes past Ragnar he automatically instant loses #and will have to crawl back to beg for forgiveness #I didn't have it in me to draw out a pocket Paz next to pocket Din in the bg #and I don't trust myself any to make it to the arena in hades rn either XD I haven't booted up the game in months #so I had to rely on background screenshots from when I started this project lol #just enjoy how absolutely bit and massive Paz is okay? I can fret with my perfectionism in peace over here XD #never drawing that minigun again NEVER #next one should be Bo-Katan and co as the furies because I really want to draw up Axe and Koska as well #you know whenever I'll have some free time like in July XD #I'll save my very specific Hungarian issues with the Vizsla name because I'm too tired to type out all that rant here lol #BUT WHY IS IT WRITTEN WITH A “ZS” WHEN ABSOLUTELY NOBODY CAN PRONOUNCE IT RIGHT???? #just write it with a Z or an S and let me have my peace please this is driving me up the wall every single time I think about it #why name the House/Clan after a hungarian dog breed when then nobody bothers to pronounce that ZS right?? #it's not like anyone would know that you're dropping a letter there whatthehell why #you're robbing me of precious hours of sleep here every second week #*cough* okay maybe you are not spared from my rant oops

[navree]

"that you could be so cruel" ok correct me if i'm wrong but does penelope featherington not run a gossip rag that exist solely to publish unsubstantiated rumors about women she doesn't like for various reasons that have profoundly negative repercussions on those women (didn't the publication of marina's pregnancy lead to marina almost dying in her quest to terminate said pregnancy??????) and has in fact used that same rag to put not just colin's entire family but also specifically colin's sister, her best friend, through a significant amount of grief and strife that came as a direct result of that rag?

but colin's the cruel one? because she happened to eavesdrop on a conversation where he said he doesn't wanna date her? that's cruelty but all the other stuff isn't?

#personal #bridgerton #anti penelope featherington #i'm gonna be honest i skim the absolute fuck out of this show whenever i force myself to watch it #but from what i remember that is literally what penelope does as lady whistledown #but yeah sure a guy who'd never shown any interest in her continuing to not show interest is the worst thing ever done to a human woman #like girl fix yourself!!! #it's you you're the problem! #(also typing that just led me to a horrible realization that at some low point for penelope in the show) #(we're gonna get a vitamin string quartet cover of antihero by taylor swift) #anyway eloise should be allowed to slap girlie across the face once an episode until she begs forgiveness #i'm only interested in that and if jonathan bailey's character has more sad scenes i can use in gifsets about louis philippe of france

[lunarrolls]

deanna seeing and recognizing ashton’s sharp worry for fcg immediately because she sees it in the mirror every day traveling with frida and instantly just knowing to trust them is so important to me, and likewise ashton recognizing her internal conflict on sight because they spent so long lost, knowing she was helping all their family while they weren’t there and offering her this one affirmation and a hug (ASHTON. OFFERED HER A HUG. ashton “don’t touch me if you don’t know me” greymoore OFFERED HER A HUG) to reassure her that whoever she wants to be is enough is SO SPECIAL TO ME!

#cr #cr3 #cr spoilers #ashton greymoore #deanna leimert #roll insight #i’m going to beat ludinus da’leth’s ass myself #as far as i’m concerned he’s the reason we can’t just have the rest of this campaign be a silly beach episode #where everyone has a good time and gets therapy and hangs out as besties #ruby vanguard robbed us of the ashton deanna friendship and i will NEVER forgive them. WE’LL GET IT EVENTUALLY OR DIE TRYING

[shadowxamyweek]

It really should be acknowledged, in one way or another, that Amy saved Shadow's life.

Not Sonic. Not Rouge. Their contributions later cannot be understated, but in a pivotal moment where it can be argued it counted most, Amy was the one to save Shadow's life by asking them to give everyone a chance.

By extension, she was asking Shadow to give themselves a chance.

And Shadow took it.

#and Sonic and Rouge GREIVE the fact they failed Shadow #that super short moment on the Ark- they're just standing there- unsure of what to do #Rouge has never been so WRONG about a person before- about so much in general- and it cost something immense #and Sonic- Sonic's never had someone die on him (in game). He's never failed to save everyone (in game). #they both failed #that's why they try so much harder when it turns out Shadow is alive. #i don't think either one of them forgives themselves #op rambles #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #rouge the bat #sonic the hedgehog #this isn't ment to be shippy im just tired of Amy being errased from this pivotal moment #i have resided myself to that most likely being the case in the movies but tjrofbskf *damn it* you know? #like... just... augh #thoughts

[spillsways]

spillways really is THAT song for me. like the whole “fuck forgiveness let yourself be bitter and you’re allowed to feel that way AND it’s okay to be angry and even though you try to bury that shit deep inside of you and move on IT’S OKAY TO LET IT OUT and be PISSED” vibe of the song hits directly home. that shit really does just resonate so much with my trauma

#at least that’s how i interpret the song for myself #i could be wrong but idk #it hits me right in the mommy and daddy issues #bc i try so hard to be the bigger person even though they’ve hurt me and traumatized me in indescribable ways #and that anger and utter resentment will never leave my soul #but i will never ever forgive them #and i’m okay with that #bc fuck forgiving your abusers to ‘move on’ #i don’t play that game #sometimes you can’t forgive people for the things they’ve done #even your family #bayli rambles #the band ghost #ghost #spillways #papa emeritus iv #copia

[rayjeff]

Awesome glad to hear all is good sjdbsjd

Now I am simply here to show you this OwO edit my friend made of the image (sorry your watermark is partially cut off!! It was not intentional)

i love how people in this fandom are like “Yeah lets ignore the fact that this aroace fictional man is a LITERAL SERIAL KILLER and make him a cat boy”

fuck it, will commit this sin for y’all weird SIMPSSSSS /j

#my asks #I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THIS #NDJSDNSDKNCSKNKNVSNKVE

[iwasbored777]

Y'all since we already know that Gwen can and probably does look at Peter B being happy now and think how her Peter never got a chance for a better life cuz he died so young because she accidentally killed him now imagine she goes to Earth-42 and finds Miles-42 fatherless and she knows that she almost let that happen to this Miles. I get that we assume Miles will understand that she had her own problems and was forced to be in Spider Society and he would eventually forgive her but I'm saying that I don't think she will forgive herself, ever.

#friendly reminder that peter was also in love with her and i feel like that and the fact that he didn't hate when he was dying just added #more weight to the whole thing #cuz he forgave her immediately and she never forgive herself because of it #she knows she didn't do it on purpose but she still did it and that's what always follows her knowing that she was the one who did it #so far every other spider man that i know caused the death of their loved one but wasn't the one who did it and this was all her #it wasn't a supervillain that did it it was her #and on top of that her own father blamed her for it for years and after knowing it was her #so imagine her after staying with the spider society thinking of that like was this really my fault my own father thinks so maybe i was too #forgiving to myself i did it so i should stay away from everyone and she even had jess tell her all the time to not grow attached #sorry for so many tags lol but think about it it's wild from her pov #gwen stacy #miles morales #spider man across the spider verse #beyond the spiderverse #spider man beyond the spider verse #across the spiderverse #Spiderverse

[ride-a-dromedary]

Again I know it's supposed to be a haha reference to the turns into a bear when he's too aroused thing, but in again refusing to brush just over the surface of this character: "I must be careful or I'll lose run of myself again. An Archdruid should show *some* restraint." comes across to me as more melancholy than perhaps intended when a. You take it into consideration that several lines imply that Halsin has issues with self control and self servitude, and presenting an "acceptable" version of himself as an outwards facing authority figure, to the point where he brushes over his own feelings, or pushes things that he wants down in the effort to reflect better what others want from him.

And b. Remember that Halsin was essentially just an apprentice when he was forcibly situationally promoted to Archdruid - he wasn't taught *how* to be an Archdruid or trained for it, or mentored; he was thrust into it because they didn't have any other choice. But they needed someone, so he stepped up. Halsin has spent the last century studying and learning things on the fly or through trial and error, and in a position of leadership like that, he is aware that every failure to uphold that mask *counts* and others *are* very much affected. How many times has he muttered that same mantra? Or heard it thrown around? An Archdruid not having control over their own magic is a big deal. Even when he is no longer Archdruid, he still grumbles it to himself. He's been at it over a century and he *still* doesn't feel like he's gotten it right. Even when he is in a place of progression, of trying to gain hold of himself again, those wisps of failure and self doubt still creep into everything. And that's sad to me.

#BG3 Musing #Halsin Posting #haha funny line in response to saucy line that man is about to go feral ooh se- HEY TRAUMA #it's like a med student being promoted to the head of emergency #or an admin assistant suddenly being put in a ceo role #like i know it's a meme scene!! but halsin sounds *humilated* when he accidentally wildshapes during his romance scene #he sounds flustered and embarrassed and is so quickly launching off excuses with a tone that indicates *he thinks it's over* #like he fucked up he fucked this up just when he was *starting* to come into himself again and it never stops #i keep thinking of that one lyric from big thief 'i can't find surrender/and i can't keep control' #and again i'm reading too deep into it but halsin's struggle with failure really is embedded here you just have to...like listen to him #Even when he *says* that there's little point in denying oneself #he does it literally all the time - he did it for a *century* #and i'm not saying he doesn't have fun or not enjoy things but he cuts himself off so early at the root #or buries himself so thoroughly in a self indulgence until it wrecks him and neither of these things are healthy #note that he says as long as others aren't affected - he doesn't say as long as i'm not affecting *myself* #anyway i'm unwell #maybe i was never meant to be archdruid - you weren't! you were meant to protect nature's spirit and roam with the wilds #and yet he still did the best he could and people *admire* him and followed him but he may never come to see it that way #you ruined a perfectly good wood elf - look it's got trauma and anxiety (and larian turned him into a meme and i won't forgive them)

[vigilskeep]

Ohhh tabris who takes vaughan's bribe and then romances alistair and he sacrifices his life for her is sooo good it made me insane a little. Imagine seeking redemption through death for something truly awful you've done but not only redemption is denied to you and you have to keep living with what you're done. But also the person who sacrificed his life for you is your best friend and your lover and the kindest sweetest person you've ever met and you know! For a fact! That you did not deserve such sacrifice in your name. The guilt. And you have to keep living! No choice but to keep living!

I'm sorry this is incomprehensible but your posts just made me think of this. so

it would be insanity-inducing. but at what cost...

#showing up to amaranthine snapping at strangers ‘stop calling me that. #i’m not the hero of ferelden. he’s *dead*. and i’m what’s left’ #rowena tabris #i dont know if i could go through with that lads. my boy :( #i would actually never forgive myself which ironically would keep me very in character