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alltoomaples · 11 months

Text

you are in love - CL

pauses, then says "You're my best friend" and you knew what it was, he is in love

pairing: artist!fem reader x charles leclerc

synopsis: recalling the moment when everyone except you two sees that you were meant to be together

note: i've visioned taylor swift songs as originals by the reader in the writings hence using it for fictional reasons only. Sending no hate and/or shade towards the girls Charles had dated previously/dating currently. All my love and respect for them and their privacy. French phrases and words are from google translate so apologies for any errors found.

a/n: here's a looooonng post that hopefully makes up to all my lack of writing pace. i'm picturing a part 2 for this one but i'll let you guys decide about it. i really appreciate your support and love! thank you for putting up with the slowest writer to exist. hope you'll enjoy this as much as i did. happy reading!

until i found you masterlist | other works

. . . .

It all started in the year 2006 when you attended your first karting race with your dad. He is your guy who introduced you into the world of motorsport and ever since you heard the sound of fast cars and that smell of burnt tyres and gasoline on the very first day of attending monaco grand prix, you fell in love with the sport. Specially and specifically, that fast red car, Scuderia Ferrari.

You developed a passion to drive so you asked your dad if he would take you along to karting that he goes during weekends with his best friend, Hervé Leclerc. Your dad never thought you would become his best pal and share the same found of interest in the sport, so he was over the moon when you asked him.

After a month, you joined your dad and even practiced kart races with your new friends, Pierre Gasly and Charles Leclerc. As much as you wished to be a racer and race along your kart friends, you were more into music and that was priority for you. So you go to the race events to cheer for your friends as much as possible.

Just as any other day, the three of you went on kart race. And not to mention, the trio were very much competative than intended to which made these races highly intense and interesting.

“You two are going down today” Pierre said, as he wore his gloves. “In your dreams, Gasly!” Charles said, strapping in his suit. You shook your head while picking your helmet, walking towards the two of them. “Well nice chat boys but that podium is mine” You say, wearing your helmet and then ruffled their heads.

And just like you said, the podium was yours. You crossed the line first, following Charles and Pierre. Your dads watching you three and cheered you on. The track team handed you trophies and just like champange on motorsport, you were given carbonated drinks that fuzzed out just the same and the boys sprayed all over on you while you did the same going left and right with your eyes closed.

Jules, Charles’s godfather, came over to us to congratulate, giving you the biggest hug first. “Hello?? nous avons également remporté une victoire aujourd’hui" (we also got a win today) Pierre said, making us all fall in a laughter as we broke the hug.

“Eh bien, le gagnant mérite un long câlin" (Well the winner deserves a long hug) Jules said, running his hand over your head as he leaned in to kiss your head. “I agree with Jules” Charles said, while Jules stood between the boys. Charles looked at you and cheered on.

“Et c’est mon meilleur ami vous les gars !! Le gagnant est mon meilleur ami!" (And that’s my best friend you guys!! The winner is my best friend!)

You felt giddy when he said that out loud, your and his dad alog with Jules witnessing the moment. You and Charles shared the same thought as you two started running towards each other, engulfing in a hug. Smiles and laughs all around you.

“Hey attendez-moi!!" (wait for me) said Gasly as he joined you two in a group hug.

And that’s when you made your best friend for life.

. . . .

You eventually went on your journey to pursue your dreams of being a musician. While working on it, you also decided to study your masters in Literature for fun as you adore reading and writings of the great authors and writers of old times. You got aceepted in New York University for September intake of 2018. The very same year when Charles got his seat in Alfa Romeo Sauber F1 team.

You were thankful that you were there when he received this news and you were so over the moon for him. It wasn’t just his dream but yours too. You still to this day, remember how it was revealed all too well.

“Charles, Y/N is here!” Pascale gave you a hug as she welcomed you in. And he walks down into the room, seeing the two of you have a talk.

“Did you hear anything from the universities you had applied for?” Charles asks, getting you a glass of water as you all stood in the open kitchen. You looked at him with a staright face, and that’s when he slammed both of his on the counter.

“NO WAYYYYY!! vous l’avez n’est-ce pas??” (you got it didn't you?) he exclaimed, jumping with happiness which made you laugh.

“Uhhhuh, New York Univeristy!! Et ce n’est pas moi, tu l’as aussi Charles” (and its just not me, you got it too charles) you say, this time you jumping with excitement and on verge of tears.

“Hold on, est-ce que tu lui as fait demander une demande pour moi aussi maman??” (did you made her apply for an application for me as well maa) Charles asks Pascale, making her laugh and nods her head no. As you shook your head, you call out for Arthur and Lorenzo as you grab your phone and go to Charles to show him.

“Charles Leclerc, vous êtes maintenant pilote de Formule 1 pour Alpha Romeo Sauber" (Charles Leclerc, you're now a Formula 1 driver for Alpha Romeo Sauber) You say, your voice breaking as tears started spilling out of your eyes. Pascale gasped, Lorenzo and Arthur with mouths wide open while Charles stood still, looking and re-reading the post. He chuckled as he had no words to say. He turned towards you, eyes filled with tears as you hugged him.

“Vous l’avez fait. Vous en avez fait le meilleur ami!!" (You made it. You made it best friend!!) You say, swinging side to side as you hold him tight while the two of you cried on each other’s shoulders.

“Non, nous l’avons fait! Parce que je ne pourrais pas le faire sans toi (no, we made it! cause i couldn't done this without you)” He whispered as he brings you much closer than before.

“Je suis tellement fier de toi Charles! Et votre père et Jules aussi!" (i'm so proud of you charles! and so is your dad and jules) You say before you break your hug. You wipe off his tears with your thumb and pat his back. He then walks over to his brothers while you hug Pascale, she congratulates you as well.

They open up a bottle of wine and celebrate together with the whole families around at Leclercs, for all the new beginnings that’s about to embark. And as the leclerec brothers were chatting up about it, Charles zoned out as he looked at you, talking with his mom. He felt so content, safe and grateful that he had you since day 1, through all the ups and downs, through the dark times with his dad and his godfather passing away, the two of you always picked each other up like always.

But this time, he felt something within him that he couldn’t explain. He sees you laughing with his maman, looking simply gorgeous with this glow that he thought how has he never saw this until now. Am i falling for Y/N? Charles thought to himself but his train of thoughts couldn’t run any further as he heard the glass tapping.

“I’d like to make a toast, to my families, Y/L/Ns and Leclercs, for all the support and love you have given me. I couldn’t have made it here without you guys. To papa Leclerc and Jules, me and charles are gonna make you so proud! and last but not least, Charles Leclerc!” You say, hold your glass towards his direction. “Je ne serais pas venu ici sans toi, mon meilleur ami! Voici de nouveaux départs!!” (I wouldn't have made here if it weren't for you, my best friend! Here's to new beginnings!!)

“Hear Hear” everyone erupts, clinking their glasses as you two hold each others gazes, raising your glasses to one another.

There’s a photo session to remember that very night. Many polaroids for everyone. At the end of the day, Charles took one polaroid of the two of you, smiling as he held it in his hand. He went into his room and stood in front of the picture frame he had, one with his dad and other with Jules. He sighed to himself as he continued his trail of thoughts that he had.

“Je ne sais pas si cela arriverait de sitôt ou tard, mais je pense que c’est elle” (I don’t know if this would happen anytime soon or later but i think she's the one) he says to himself.

And on the other side, as soon as you reached home and said your goodnights to your parents, you went in your room. You changed into your pjs and then you found the polaroids sticking out of your coat. You took them out and held in your held, as you sat on your bed. You felt something that you couldn’t explain. Was it giddy or the so called butterfly effect? you thoughts went on and on to the point you started thinking ‘am i falling for him?’.

You stood up quick, twirling around but shook your head to not build in too much hopes.

He’s my best friend, you mumbled.

You went near your desk where you had a picture of you and Jules on the day you won the podium at kart race. You placed the polaroid next to him as you sighed with a smile on your face.

“Jules, si c’est lui, j’attendrai que tu me donnes un signe. Et j’espère que tu m’attendras, mon meilleur ami” (Jules, if he's the one, I'll wait for you to give me a sign. And I hope you'll wait for me too, my best friend)

. . . .

Fast forward to 2020, you were now officially working with a music label as a songwriter. You wanted to work first as writer and when it’s the right time, you’ll become a music artist yourself someday. As you worked on your dreams in London, Charles was chasing down his. He was now officially driving for the red team you two dreamed and grew up as fans, Scuderia Ferrari. Even if you were miles apart, you’d still keep a close eye on your best friend.

When you went to New York for your masters, you two would keep in touch soo often that eventually, it turned from daily calls, to one day a week, then eventually, one day in a month to end up with random texts in months or so. At this point it felt like what you had felt before you left Monte Carlo was nothing but emotional of saying goodbyes. You still held to the last string of hope but only to get shattered when you saw the headlines of him being in a relationship. You were happy for the couple, you really did. And yet through all this only one person knew you actually weren’t.

“Pierre, je vais vraiment bien. Ne vous inquiétez pas à ce sujet” (I'm fine really. Don't worry about it) You said, sipping your coffee as you were invited by him and his girlfriend who also was your classmate from highschool, Kika at the cafe as you were attending the British Grand Prix. “Kika s’il vous plaît aidez-moi ici” (Kika please help me out here) you pleaded to her, squeezing her hand which made her chuckle.

“Y/N i love you but we’re just checking in on you. From what he’s told me, it seems like you two were the ones” Kika expressed, giving you a smile. You pulled your tongue towards the both, making them laugh.

“Well i appreciate you two for caring about me but trust me, there wasn’t even something to begin with and he seems quite happy with her, at least she’s better for him than the previous one duh” You say, stating the obvious. “All i care is as long as he’s happy, i’m happy!” You say, leaning back on your chair.

“In that case, we need to set up a date for you!” Pierre says, looking at you. Kika clapped her hands, nodding her head as she agreed. “We’ll set a blind date for you!” Kika exclaimed with excitement in her tone. “You guys don’t have to-” “Nope, and its a done deal! Now i’ll see you ladies at the end of the practice session” Pierre cut you off as he stood up, hugged me and then Kika as they shared a quick kiss before he runs down to AlphaTauri HQ.

“Soo is it cool to deny the offer of blind date” You say to Kika while interwining your arm with hers. “Oh mon dieu tu vois quelqu’un!?!” (Oh my god you are seeing someone) She said, shock all over her face as you laughed.

“Why didn’t you tell me!”

“Well Pierre didn’t let me!”

“That’s true! Now who’s the guy, parlez-moi de lui” (tell me about him) Kika said as you two exited the cafeteria.

“Well its not like we’re seeing each other exclusively. We just hitted off during one of the writing sessions. His name’s Brad, he’s an artist. We went out for drinks and then i asked if he was interested to tag along on F1 race with me and he said yes. He wanted to come for today but he had practice session at studio so he’ll be joining on race day” You say, smile all over your face. Kika engulfed you in a hug as she twirled around you.

“I’m soo happy and i cannot wait to Brad and tell all embarrasing stories” “Va te faire foutre!” (Fuck off).

Eventually that day you got a call from work soo you had to skip friday and saturday session, which meant you weren’t able to surprise Charles. And on the race day, you came along with Brad. You introduced him to Kika and Pierre as you ran into them while making your way to the F1 paddock. You quickly excused yourself as you wanted to surprise Charles.

As you entered the Ferrari Garage, you came across Andereas, Joris and Lorenzo. You chatted with them for a while and before you knew it, Charles walks out of his room.

“Joris, you left your-” Charles stopped himself from talking as he stood still. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing or at the moment he questioned whether he was hallucinating.

“Est-ce que je vois des choses ou est-ce que c’est vraiment vous??” (am i seeing things or is it actually you) He mumbled, making all fall in pits of laughter as you rolled your eyes.

“Eh bien, belle façon de dire que tu m’as manqué aussi trou du cul” (well, nice way of saying I missed you too asshole) You say as he runs to you and engulfs you in a big hug. And god did you miss these hugs!!

“Bonjour meilleure amie” he whispers with a big smile. “Bonjour meilleur ami” you whisper back with a bigger smile. (hello best friend)

The race had ended and Charles finished P4. Knowing Charles, you knew he’d beat himself up for not getting podium, but he really did a great job in your opinion. Once the post-race events were done, Charles came back to the motorhome to find you squealing out loud.

“C’est mon meilleur ami! Forza Charles Forza Ferrari” (That’s my best friend!) You say as you jump run towards him, tackling in a hug. Everyone in the room chants along, making him feel mood-boosted. You broke the hug and grabbed his face in your palms.

“Je suis si fière de toi Leclerc” You whispered to him, looking straight in his eyes. The two of you get a bit lost in each others eyes until Kika and Brad came by next to you. “Merci Y/N/N” He whispers back to you.

“Hey why don’t we celebrate tonight before you head off to your next destination?” Brad suggests, Kika nodding in and so did you. “That’s would be great! What do you say?” You ask Charles and he simply nodded in while his phone started ringing.

“It’s my girlfriend, i gotta take this” He says, suddenly the atmosphere turned upside down awkard. You quickly spoke out before things went anymore weird. “Oh sure! Tell her we said hey and i’ll text you the venue and timings. See you tonight” You said in a hurry and Charles gave a small smile before he left the premise.

“I guess we better get this party started” Kika said, grabbing you by your shoulder as she saw your expression got changed. You quickly shared a smile and made your way out.

The party was great. You tried to get your mind off and talked with Brad and Kika more instead because Kika and you agreed that you might make things more akward than the afternoon events.

As you were getting drinks with Kika, Brad sat around with Pierre and Charles. Charles was engaging with Brad to get to know him and Pierre was holding back his eye rolls so bad.

“At one point, we envy you alot mate” Brad said to Charles, confusion written all over the face of the monegasquean. “May I ask why?” Pierre said, letting a chuckle out.

"That’s cause you’ve got no idea how much y/n talks about you, Charles. She really goes on and on about you, your friendship and how you're her favourite person and best friend. She really looks up and cares about you mate” Brad said with a smile over his face.

At this point, Charles looks down at his hand before he looked up to see you, standing there while you laughed about something Kika said. At that moment, he felt like it was that moment before you two left. A deep sigh left from his mouth as you caught him, staring at you. You pulled your tongue at him, making him chuckle.

“She’s the best person ever and anyone that has her in their life, they’re the most luckiest ones” Charles says, looking back at his empty glass before looking at Brad.

“I don’t know about you two, but you seems to be gentleman. Do look after her, even if she says she don’t need anyone, that’s when you really need be there” Charles spills out his emotions, making himself think that he had enough drinks. He excused himself for the bathroom.

“Pierre, not trying to intrude personally, but does y/n and Charles realize they’re more than friends at this point?” Brad asks out of curosity.

“I’ve been waiting and pining for these two for years. So to answer you my friend, we all are waiting for that very moment” Pierre said, as the two of them clink their glasses.

. . . .

December 2023. The time of year were everything had changed.

You were back in Monaco during the holidays. You were now officially working as an independent artist as well as songwriter. You had released an EP back in 2021 and it became a massive hit. Now not only you were signed by the leading music label but many great artists want you over for writing sessions. You finally made it!

And just like all times, your best friend became your no.1 supporter. He was soo thrilled when you shared the news with him and he’d always be the first to share any news or interact with fanaccounts of mine. This made you heart swell with love for him. And a bit more love for more than a friend best friend gets.

You pretty well hided yourself with the feelings and just like a teenager, you pinned after him while he was in relationship. When you came back home, you took your time off from social media and wanted to spent time with yourself, and well, avoid charles relationship gloats. And that’s your first unexpected change you definately didn’t saw it coming.

“It’s unfortunate how things turned out Charles though. Didn’t thought he’d do just when season got ended” your maman says, maman Leclerc and Kika nods along. Yours, Leclercs and Gaslys were over at Leclerc’s residance for the holidays and all the ladies were in the kitchen, prepping up for dinner.

“What do you mean?” You say, mixing up the veggies for the salad. They all look up stunned at you, like a deer caught in front of the car.

“Y/N. Charles and his girlfriend mutually called it quits” Kika says, passing you the salad dressing. “Oh noooo! That ain’t good” You say, feeling genuinely sad that they ended.

“Hope that mistletoe will let you two see what we all have been waiting for” Pierre whispers as he came in between me and Kika. You shoved with your elbow sharply to his hip, which made him squeal like a girl.

Dinner was lovely, having everyone together at this time. My père and père Gasly gave toasts along with our moms and after desserts, mama Leclerc suggested for me to sing some songs. Then, i played the songs everyone had requested and then Charles suggested to give me some rest so he brought out the speaker and played some jazz songs. Everyone made a pair and started dancing under the moonlight. While i was busy capturing the pictures, I caught Charles walking in his room through my camera. I set my phone back in my pocket and made my way to his room.

The door to his room wasn’t fully closed when you reached up there. You stood by the door to see him, staring at the picture frames he had held in there.

“Knock knock” You whisper, so that he doesn’t get startled. Charles turns around to see you, his face lights up with a smile and waves you to come in. You walk in the room and stand next to his desk. You haven’t been able to talk as he had only came home today and the past few weeks have kept the both of you busy.

“I’m sorry Charles” You say, playing with the hem of your sweater.

“You heard huh?” Charles said, sigh left his mouth as his back was facing you while he looked towards the pictures.

“Yeah, maman told me” you say.

“It was about time y/n, because quel est le sens si vous n’êtes pas avec quelqu’un avec qui vous voulez être” (what’s the meaning if you’re not with someone you want to be with) Charles says, turning around to see you.

“Vrai. Si votre cœur dit que c’est elle, c’est elle” (True. if you're heart says she's the one, she's the one) You say, smile all over your face.

“I mean, look at our Gasly and Kika! Bénissez-les tous les deux aahh” (Bless them both) You say, keeping your hand over your heart.

Charles looks at you, his chest getting all warm and fuzzy just being around you. If anyone else was in the room, they would definitely say ‘garçon est-il tellement tombé amoureux’ (boy is he soo fallen in love)

“I tell you a secret. This is between me and you. I’ve been writing a song based on them” You say, giggles and happy jumps around while Charles chuckled, shaking his head and gets his head around and get rid of the nerves.

“Je pense que c’est toi, y/n” (I think you’re the one, y/n) Charles blurts out, making you go to still mode.

“Hum hein?” (Uhmm huh?)

“Je pense que je suis tombé amoureux de toi mon meilleur ami” (i think i've fallen for you my best friend) Charles says, walking closer to you as he grabs you hand. He takes you towards the picture frame and points out his finger to the polaroid.

The very same polaroid you kept yours next to the picture with Jules to find him kept his next to Jules as well.

You shook your head as you couldn’t believe this and before Charles could ask you, you grabbed your phone quickly.

“I guess he did send me the sign that i somewhat missed out and i cannot believe i missed it” You mumble, while you found the picture.

“What are you talking about y/n/n?” Charles asks, him totally getting confused. You simply smiled and turned your phone towards him.

“At the day when we took this picture, i didn’t knew what i was feeling so i asked Jules to give me a sign. Et il l’a fait” (And he actually did) You exclaimed, tears welding up your eyes. Charles looked shook and looked up and down between your picture and his before he looked back to you.

“Je suis tombée amoureuse de toi aussi, ma meilleure ami” (I’ve fallen in love with you too, my best friend) You whisper, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Charles mimicked your smile before he pulled you in a kiss. His hand cupped your cheek while yours runs through his hair. Both of you gets lost in the moment, like you’ve been waiting for your whole life. Both of you pull back as you ran out of air.

“Merci de m’avoir attendu” (Thank you for waiting for me) Charles says, resting his forehead on yours.

“Vous valiez vraiment la peine d’attendre, mon amour” (You were definately worth the wait, my love) You say, as you rub the tip of your nose with his.

. . . .

“It was ABOUT time that you two finally got together” Arthur said, Pierre chiming in with ‘THANK YOU!’ while everyone had a laugh about it.

“So let me get this straight, everyone except us knew this” You gasped, placing the glass of wine you all were having. Everyone chanting in yeahs made you and Charles look towards each other.

“To be honest, it was the very same day when you raced with Pierre and Charles” Pascale says, your mom nodding along with her.

“Ahh yes. I clearly remember me and Hervé agreeing with Jules when he said that you two are meant to be together” Your papa chimes in, with a smile on his face with hint of saddness as he misses his best friend and a son figure to our family, Jules.

You walk over to your old man, embracing him in a hug. He hugs you back, patting your back. You pull back, asking him if he’s alright and he nods.

“Here’s to Mr. and Mrs. to be Leclerc” Your dad toasts, raising his glass. Everyone hoots and cheers as dad gave a push, making you stand next to your fiance, the love of your life, your best friend.

He looks towards you and you towards him, pulling in for a kiss. Kika, Pierre and Arthur hoots in the background, making you pull apart and chuckles leaves your lips.

“Now can we hear Y/N’s music, you said its based on real events!!” Kika exclaims, getting all excited. Little did she knew it was based on their relationship. And a part of yours as well.

“The stage’s yours now, mon amour” Charles whispers, leaving your side to get the speakers for you. You connect your phone to the speakers.

“Well I recently finished with the mixing and couldn’t play for much perfect timing. I hope you’ll enjoy listening to as much as i had creating this. This is You are in Love.”

. . . .

let me know if you are interested for pt.2 :)) until next one, see yaa

check out my works: until i found you masterlist | other works

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc blurb #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #charles leclerc fanfic #formula 1 #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader #formula one #charles leclerc fluff

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naeverse · 4 months

Text

Helping Hands

🎖️staring: ColonelMiguel x Soldier Fem!Reader

🤎preview:

“It's because you are too quick to touch what you truly desire instead of building up to it.” He said matter-of-factly, his voice, gravelly and rough and making your stomach flutter.

“Just like shooting at the range, so quick to press that trigger, you haven't even perfected your form yet.” He smirked, placing his hands on either side of your head, trapping you under him.

“It seems you need more than just practice, Muñeca. Seems you need a lesson on self-control and discipline…”

🪖 summary:

You've been a part of Colonel Miguel O'Hara's team for a while now, but so far, you haven't made a good impression. It seems you can't do anything right without the assistance of your colonel by your side. Even though your COL is helpful, he's cold and stern, always making sure you know how much of a disappointment you are to your squad. You feel like a failure to your team, despite trying your hardest, and even more so to yourself due to your inability to satisfy your own sexual needs. But, just like with everything else…

Your Colonel is here to help.

🎖️ tw/cw: Big Dick Miguel, Breast Worship, Caught Masturbating, Clitoris Stimulation, Dirty Talk, Dominate, High Sensitivity, Public Sex, Shower Sex, Face Slapping, Size Difference, Spanking, Standing, Submissive, Rough, Unprotected, Wall sex, etc…

🤎 Pet names: Muñeca (Doll), Princesa (Princess), Chica (Girl)

🪖rating: 18+ explicit I SMUT I

🎖️Word Count: 10.8k

(I do not own any of the photos used! All credit goes to the original artist!)

“Cease fire!”

The bellowing voice of your Colonel, Miguel O'Hara, shouted across the shooting range. Your finger instantly froze upon the trigger of your pistol, turning to look at him through your protective shades.

Your Colonel studied the untouched target before shaking his head in disapproval. You heaved a sigh, lowering your weapon.

You, honestly, weren't that skilled in the force. You struggled in hand-to-hand combat, always ending up on your ass with a bruise somewhere on your body. Always slipped or hurt yourself when running through the elaborate obstacle course on base and took too long to disable a practice bomb which would have resulted in you and your team's death.

Many on your force don't know why your Colonel still hasn't dropped you, even you pondered the thought.

By your teammates, which were mostly men, you were given the name. ‘Slip-up.’ They always teased you, saying that if you couldn't do your part in the force, at least they had something to look at whilst they worked.

Their insults hurt and although you loved being a part of the team, you couldn't help feeling annoyed and frustrated all the time when it came to your abilities. You always tried your hardest but despite it, you still were, honestly,

Ass…

But, even though you already saw yourself as an utter failure, Colonel O'Hara always added more salt to the already gaping wound. He made sure you recognized every debacle you made, especially, right now with your inability to aim properly.

“Where’s your head at, soldier!?” He shouted, walking over to you, his beige shirt clinging to every muscle in his large torso. His hardened pecs, broad shoulders, and defined 6-pack accentuated under the cloth as he approached you.

You honestly didn’t know what your problem was, except that you’ve been here with Miguel since the crack of dawn and you still haven’t gotten a single shot on the damn target.

“My apologies, Colonel.” You hastily replied, causing him to scoff, crossing his arms over his chest. “Get your act together. You won’t be able to apologize if the enemy has already shot you dead.” He snapped, causing you to give him a nod.

He looked you over before sighing. “Get in position.” He commanded. You briskly followed his order, drawing up your weapon, bending your knees, and closed one eye.

“Do not fire.” He told you, his heavy footfalls beginning to move around you. Your heart was, oddly, beating rapidly in your chest. You didn’t know if it was due to the overwhelming anxiety, you always felt when you were under the stern Colonel's gaze, or the fact that he was so drop-dead gorgeous that you didn’t want to make yourself look like an even bigger fool than you already had.

“Your form is all wrong.” He commented, placing his large hands on your waist from behind. Your breath hitched, a deep blush covering your cheeks as he shifted your hips, turning it to the right. “You are too tense. Loosen up.” He whispered; his sharp cheekbone pressed into your cheek. His voice was deep and seemed to resonate through your entire being.

You could feel yourself heating up like an ignited furnace, shakily exhaling to calm yourself. You rolled your shoulders to relax in hopes of having better control of your planted feet in the dirt and your weapon in your hand, but it felt impossible with him being so close.

You gasped when you felt his combat boot abruptly kick your legs further apart, his hands tightening on your waist. “You need to widen your legs, and get your head in the game.” He said against your ear, loud enough to be heard through the heavy-duty headphones that adorned them.

His calloused fingers lingered on the fabric of your dark green, brown, and beige camo shirt before he pulled away, leaving his scorching touch imprinted on your hips. “Open your eyes, soldier. Do you think that is a telescope you are looking through? You chose the wrong profession then, kid." He teased with a deep chuckle, making you clench your jaw.

You opened both of your eyes, peering through your glasses at the target.

“Now, that you got your head out of your ass…” Colonel O'Hara muttered, standing beside you with his arms crossed.

“Fire!”

He commanded, your trigger finger going rampant as you fired repeatedly. The splitting sounds of the pistol were muffled due to your headphones, but still loud nonetheless. With every shot, your body recoiled back. Not enough to throw you off balance, but enough to send another burst of adrenaline through you that urged you to click the trigger again and again.

You continued firing until Colonel O'Hara's voice boomed across the yard.

“Cease fire!”

He yelled once more, your finger lifting off of the addicting trigger. You stood up from your position and watched your superior observe the damage you had made on the target. When he walked over to you, his bronze, chiseled face was so stern and devoid of emotion that you couldn't tell if you had made a shot or not.

“Good job, kid. You hit the board at least.” He said with a tight-lipped smile. It didn't seem like he was disappointed anymore.

‘Progress…?’

You pondered as you breathed a sigh of relief. Miguel observed your small being before him with stern eyes. "You did better today." He said, reaching over and taking the pistol from you. Compared to the weapon in his hands, he made it look like a mere plaything as he carried it with so much confidence.

“Now hit the showers. I expect you to be out in 20.” He ordered. You nodded, giving him a departed salute. You removed your shooting gear, placing them in their respective places by the range before hightailing it to the showers.

You didn't want Colonel O'Hara to call you back for anything.

You were so exhausted from shooting the same gun and staring at the black silhouetted targets that your vision was a little wonky.

You sighed, stepping into the locker room and walking over to yours. The locker rooms were gender mixed. Males and females showered together due to there, honestly, not being many women in your force. To save money, your base went the cheap way out and blended the two.

Colonel O'Hara had his respective team with you being a part of it. You could count on your fingers just how many females were in your force, making you feel a little out of place sometimes amongst the men, especially with their excessive teasing.

You undressed, placing your beige combat boots, camo shirt, pants, and undergarments into your locker and grabbing a towel to cover your nude body. Once you acquired all of your bathing essentials, you exited the lockers to enter the showers.

The showers were like cubicles. Each held a shower head plastered on the wall but with no curtains.

There were only three showers that had a curtain but those were always occupied, thankfully, the room was empty upon your entrance.

‘I can finally enjoy a peaceful shower.’

You thought, remembering all of the other times you used the shower room and how it was always filled with men, playing and bathing with each other in the nude as if everything was fine. You could never wrap your head around how comfortable they could be to shower beside one another and converse like normal.

You could never…

Always deciding to postpone your bathtime or endure it and shower in the farthest cubicle away from everyone, but even then you were still teased.

So with a huge grin, you happily drew back the curtain and stepped into the shower. You placed your bathroom items onto a small shelf and hung up the towel that was worn around your body before turning on the water.

You gasped, the water was always ice cold upon turning it on. You didn't know if to be thankful for the sudden rush of alertness or irritated by the amount of shivering you always did afterward. Nonetheless, when the temperature changed to be a perfect blend of warm and hot, you melted upon contact with the satisfying liquid.

You sighed, running your hands through your hair and feeling all your sore muscles from the long training with Colonel O’Hara, relax. You proceeded on cleaning yourself, filling your washcloth with your bodywash and beginning to wash up.

Whilst enjoying the heat and bathing yourself, you began to remember everything from this morning - the harsh training, the endless shouts from the stern Latino, and the frustration of not hitting that damn target came flooding in.

Before you could beat yourself up, you started to focus more on your Colonel than how much of an ass shooter you were.

How he carried himself with so much confidence, and always looked like his muscles packed pounds on his body, causing him to walk so heavily and wide. Being in the military, you've been with your force even at the worst of times. Experienced moments where you were starved, under extreme elements, and times where you had to go days without properly bathing or doing so at all.

You've seen Colonel O'Hara at his worst, and even then he made starving and reeking of musk look good.

It was also rare that you even saw him nude.

Colonel O'Hara was a male who hated to be caught with his pants down, literally.

He despised being seen as weak and vulnerable so during his time of bathing, he woke up at the crack of dawn to shower. You heard him one time, leaving his room, which was apart from the bunks, you and the normal soldiers resided in, to go to the shower room.

But the one time you've seen him fully was on a mission. One that the Colonel had selected you to participate in, himself.

During a long journey, everyone took turns to shower or take a quick bath in a river, waterfall, or whatever water source was nearby, your team would use to your disposal.

On this particular mission, a lake was the nearest form of bath system your team could use. You got paired to freshen up with the last group which happened, your Colonel joined at the last minute.

The man was ripped, you knew that. You can see it through any piece of clothing he wore, but surprisingly even his ass looked good.

You didn't think you were much of an ass girl until you caught sight of his when he was bathing in the lake that day. How his ass had the perfect mixture of muscular and plumpness was blasphemy, and to top it off, his back muscles seemed to flex and bulge with every movement he made. He was even packing in the front.

How his large, veiny hands ran the water over his body, his palms brushing over his pecs, abs, and biceps, and the look of pure concentration on his chiseled face made the scene even more hotter. His golden-brown body seemed to glisten despite the lack of proper cleaning the lake did for anyone's body that day.

It was a miracle no one saw you, it would have been embarrassing with how much ogling you were doing. You could hardly bathe yourself without sparing him occasional glances that left you certain when the gods sculpted your sexy Colonel, they were playing favorites.

He was perfect…

His honeyed body was sculpted with bulging muscles, sinewy limbs, taut abs and thighs, a few scars littered his being here and there, but even still, those scars intensified his attractiveness.

As you stood, washing off the soap studs that coated your body, just recalling the memories and thinking of how magnificent of a specimen your COL was, your core throbbed in desire.

You've secretly felt this way about your Colonel ever since you were assigned to him. How could you not when he traversed any land as if he owned it, whether it was on the battlefield or just walking to catch a meal at the base cafeteria.

When Colonel O'Hara was in the room, you, everyone, even the damn fly on the wall knew he was there. He just had that aura about him that demanded attention even though he was the type to strongly despise it.

The warm water continued to run down your body, washing away the soap that covered it. But it wasn't as hot as his touch that still was permanently burned into your sides, and you couldn't stop thinking about how right his hands felt on you…

His calloused fingertips pressed into your hips, his large hands engulfing your waist like you were a mere doll. If only the guy knew how much control he had over you, in the, not so, professional way.

Now, he even had you fingering yourself just by the mere thought of him. Your fingers thrusted up into your warm entrance, wishing it was his thick ones that were touching you. Your other hand found the shower wall, trying to stabilize yourself under the running water as you fingered yourself.

You moaned, eyes closed tightly whilst you chased that trembling ache, that pleasurable high that had been caused by that hunk of a giant down at the shooting range. You wiggled another finger inside, emitting a loud cry to burst from your chest.

But your two fingers weren't enough...

The only thing that could cure the burning longing in the pit of your stomach was the enormity in between that man's legs.

The massiveness that was off limits to you.

The forbidden meat that you couldn't taste…

You gritted your teeth in frustration, continuing to chase that high that you knew you couldn't ever reach. You didn't know how long you'd been in the shower, fingering yourself with the knowledge that you could never seem to get yourself to release.

You felt it once when you were with your first boyfriend but after you broke up and got into the military, nothing!

You feel the rush, the spasming, the addicting pleasure and trembling of your legs but that was it.

Not in a long time had you felt that satisfying crash of ecstasy. You’ve always got to the peak of it, but never could get over it, always leaving you sexually frustrated; but you try.

Goodness, you do try…

“Oh, fuck.” You whined, gripping the wall whilst thrusting your two fingers inside of your dripping pussy. The sensation felt so good, the feeling of being full, and that delicious friction with every penetration of your fingers made your eyes flutter.

You were so adamant about this being the day you made yourself climax that you didn't even hear the heavy footfalls on the tile flooring of the shower room.

You were too consumed by the pleasure and of that sexy view that was engraved in your mind of Miguel bathing in that lake. His massive, broad body, gorgeous ass, and enormous cock. How it wasn't even fully erect and it was big.

You imagined him here with you, his fingers being what was inside of you, feeling the stretch of his thick digits as he pounded them into you at such speeds that it was inhumane. How his cock would do even more damage, drilling into you until you saw stars and could barely remember your own name.

But you would be certain to know this.

He'll make sure of it.

Moaning and crying it out at the top of your lungs as he pounded into you mercilessly, dominating and controlling you like he did. Every. Single. Day.

“Oh yes. Fuck- Miguel!" You whined loudly, completely blinded by your erotic act that was being driven and led by your sexy Colonel.

You were so immersed in what you were doing, you didn't even notice when the curtains were drawn back.

You didn't know what had happened, just that the shower looked a little brighter than before, and the sudden rush of cool air on your bare backside made you shiver.

Completely dazed, you turned around to make eye contact with the Colonel himself.

His beige muscle shirt, camo cargo pants, and tan combat boots still adorning his massive frame. Even though he'd found you in the worst way possible, his face was emotionless, a still painting in a museum.

“I thought I told you to be out in 20.” He sternly said, his deep voice bouncing off the secluded shower room. Your bottom lip trembled, your hand instantly drawing away from your core. Your evident slick glistening on your fingers as you noticed his dark eyes shift to them and back to your face.

You didn't know what to say…

‘Sorry, I didn't come out sooner, Colonel. I was so busy fingering myself to the thought of you that I lost track of time.’

That's a one-way ticket straight to a Non-Judicial Punishment and no telling what your consequence would be.

So you just stood there, completely nude and with the shower running, still trying to make sense of what the hell was happening with your foggy brain.

Honestly, you were still stuck in la la land, seeing Miguel bathing in that lake and having a perfect view, not at all attentive to what was happening before you.

Your Colonel scoffed, looking you over. “Soldier! I asked you a fucking question!” He shouted, making you jump, and snapping you out of your trance.

Finally, you realized what the hell was happening.

‘Oh shit! Miguel, just caught me-

to him!'

You wanted nothing more than the walls to swallow you whole.

Your hands hastily turned off the shower and covered your sensitive areas, your cheeks a deep red. “O-Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry.” You said, about to go into a spurge of apologies when Miguel stopped you.

“I don't want to hear a fucking apology, I want to hear what the hell you were doing.” He declared angrily, his bushy eyebrows drawn low over his dark eyes. You gulped, quivering before him because you couldn't possibly tell him what you were doing.

You'll die from embarrassment…

“I-I can't-”

“Don't give me that bullshit, soldier.” He spat, stepping closer to you in the tiled cubicle. Your eyes widened as he cornered you to the wall.

“Tell me what you were doing.” He said through gritted teeth. He looked furious and that it made you scared beyond anything.

Of course, you've seen your Colonel angry, it was honestly his default setting, but directed towards you was a different story.

You gulped, your pupils trembling under his intense gaze.

“I-I was…t-touching myself.” You confessed with a blush, averting your gaze which only seemed to make him angrier. “You know how I feel about that. Eyes on me.” He sternly spat, as it took everything to meet his gaze once more.

His cold face and amber orbs held little to no sign of what his next reaction, response, or move would be.

It made everything even scarier.

“So you're telling me, you were in here for almost an hour and you still haven't released?”

He asked in a nonchalant tone as if he hadn't asked something so erotic. You gulped, your arms tightening around your body to hide your sensitive areas even more, your cheeks reddening even more.

“C-Colonel I-”

“Y/N.” He said your name so coldly that your entire body tensed up.

He hardly addressed you by name and when he did, you knew you fucked up.

“Answer the damn question. It's a simple yes Colonel or no Colonel.” He demanded, his large frame towering over you, making you feel so small. “N-No, Colonel. I-I haven't.” You admitted, biting your bottom lip anxiously. You probably spilled your guts here in this shower more than ever in your entire lifetime.

You felt like one of Colonel O'Hara's targets whom he strapped to a chair to interrogate, except he didn't even pull out a single weapon and you were already blabbering your deepest secrets to him.

How pathetic were you...?

After your confession, he just stood there looking down at you, your stomach clenching and your heart beating so loud in your chest, that you were certain he could hear it.

Until he smirked, looking you up and down. “Don't tell me you can't do that right either, soldier.” He teased, making your entire body burn up in embarrassment. “N-No, it's not like that.” You stammered, your hair completely soaked and your body dripping with water from your previous shower.

You just felt like you had to defend yourself in front of your Colonel. It felt like every time he was around, you couldn't do anything right. You were certain your COL had been taking notes on all of the things you couldn’t seem to do and you didn't want pleasing yourself to be added to the list.

“I-I just can't, okay.” You told him with a dejected sigh. He tilted his head, a deep chuckle rumbling from the depth of his chest. His eyes taking in your small form compared to his massiveness. “It's simply because you are too quick to touch what you truly desire instead of building up to it.” He merely said, his voice, gravelly and rough and making your stomach flutter.

“Just like shooting at the range, so quick to press the trigger, you haven't even perfected your form yet.” He smirked, placing his hands on either side of your head, trapping you under him.

“It seems you need more than just practice, Muñeca. Seems you need a lesson on self-control and discipline.” He whispered into your ear, his lips against your skin making you shudder.

You didn't know what he could mean. The only thing filling your brain was another round of harsh training of push-ups, pull-ups, and laps around the whole damn base.

A training so extreme you didn't know if you could even handle going through it, especially after the long, one-on-one training at the shooting range.

You wet your lips, gazing up at your COL's hardened, defined face. Even from this angle, which was usually an ugly one on others, he looked good.

“W-What do you mean?” You inquired, you knew better than to make an excuse or complain about your exhaustion.

Colonel O'Hara would work anyone overtime if you bitched.

He smirked, turning to draw the curtains back before meeting your perplexed gaze.

“I'm talking about a lesson of pleasure, Muñeca.”

Your eyes shot open, staring at him in utter shock.

This had to be a dream.

You were ready to hear the thunderous voices of one of the lieutenants anytime now, waking you and your fellow soldiers up from your deep slumbers to start your day of training and missions.

But either the lieutenants were sleeping in, or this moment was real.

Nonetheless, you were about to lose your shit.

“P-Pleasure?” You fumbled over your words, your backside already pressed against the wall. Miguel hummed, stepping closely up to you, sandwiching you between him and the white tiles.

You instantly lost the ability to breathe, not due to his enormous frame crushing you into the wall, but the fact you could feel every one of his defined chest muscles against your body through his shirt.

The hardness and solidity of them were enough to reawaken that desire in your core.

You bit your lip, his dark hair falling over his face whilst he loomed over you. “How long has this been happening, soldier?” He asked in the same stern tone as if he was demanding you to shoot another clip into a target. You gulped, peering up at him, trying to keep eye contact. “Since my last relationship, sir.”

“So before enlisting?” You gave him a curt nod. He hummed, looking you over before his dark eyes lingered upon your shield arms. “Stand up straight, hands at your side. You know the drill.” He spat harshly inside of the small cubicle shower.

Just his mere tone was enough to control and completely dominate you. Your arms shakingly moved from over your breasts to rest on your sides as you stood erect, the mere position changes thrusting your bare breast forward.

You bit your lip, hoping he didn't notice how perky and hard they were, but you should have been ashamed to think otherwise.

His gaze instantly was directed to your breasts, a smirk spreading across his tanned lips. “You turned on, Muñeca, or is your little body just cold?” He laughed, making you blush.

You hoped that was a rhetorical question because you didn't want to answer it.

His tanned hands left the wall to cup your bare breasts. The roughness of his palms on your supple flesh was enough to make you drip a puddle onto the tiled flooring.

You whined, wincing a little at how painfully hard and sensitive your tits were. He fondled them softly, testing the waters, but you couldn't help but squirm in his hold. “When was the last time you gave these babies attention, hmm?” He asked, squeezing the sensitive flesh in his hands and brushing his thumb along your nipples.

Honestly, you couldn't remember. You hardly paid attention to your chest when it came to pleasing yourself. Like your Colonel said, you just dove right into where you needed it the most, ignoring everything else.

“I-I can't remember.” You responded, causing him to click his tongue. “So impatient. Just like you and that gun.” He said, continuing to caress your highly sensitive breasts in his hands.

“But we are going to fix that, even if it takes all afternoon until the sun sets and when it rises in the morning of the next day.”

He whispered into your ear.

“You'll learn to be patient, chica.”

He spat before lowering to bring one of your swollen nipples to his mouth.

Pleasure like never before hit you like a freight train. His skilled tongue swirled around your hardened pebble, teasing and flicking it as you melted under his ministrations. His other hand worked in tandem with his sucking, rolling your other nipple with his thumb in time with his tongue.

You mewled and whined, grasping for anything when your hand found a railing. Your head fell back against the wall as he pleased your chest, his towering body bent over to suck at your breasts. Sloppily sucking and coating your pebbled flesh with his saliva with every taste like he was starved predator finally seizing its prey.

Your legs trembled, the feeling so familiar, as your eyes fluttered. Your grip on the metal bar tightening.

“C-Colonel.” You called out to him, your thighs coated with your essence.

You needed him, more of him.

He hummed in response, but not ceasing his suckles. Your face became flushed, your core, completely soakened and desiring to be filled.

Longing to be fondled by his skillful hands.

For him to play with your pussy like he handles his guns, so rough, yet attentive, and proficient.

“I-I want you to touch me, d-down there.” You said in a trembling voice.

He suddenly bit your sensitive nub, his teeth capturing your nipple, emitting a cry from you as he tugged away to look up at you. He shook his head, rising to his full height. Your eyes followed him, his figure looming over you once more. “Soldier, you haven't been listening to a thing I've said, have you?” He said in a gravelly tone, almost disappointed and a little angry. Your cheeks reddened, your lips quivering. “I-I'm sorry-”

Your words were cut off when his hands slammed onto the wall on either side of your head. The sound was deafening and your heart felt like it had jumped out your chest. He pressed his lips to your ear, his voice sinister and gut-wrenching.

"Rush me again and I won't hesitate to punish you." He snarled into your ear. His words sliced through the closed space, sharp and precise, leaving wounds that stung like the cut of a razor into your skin.

It terrified you and left your body a little shaken.

You felt his eyes, look you up and down, taking in your trembling form. "Now keep that little mouth of yours shut, unless you are addressed, soldier." He sternly said before pulling away.

Silence except for the thudding of your loud beating heart filled your cubicle. You weren't able to alleviate your quivering being, as the next words he uttered, shook you to your very core.

"Turn around.”

He commanded, making your eyes widen in shock and worry. You were stuck between desire and utter terror.

However, you followed his order.

You didn't want to anger him any further.

You turned around, shakingly placing your hands on the shower wall, your bare backside to him.

Your Colonel was a scary man, an even scarier one when he's on a mission; but you never thought even in the bedroom he could keep his same ominousness.

Your ears and sense of touch were on high alert. You felt colder than before whilst the incessant small drips of water from the showerhead were slowly driving you crazy.

The suspense was suffocating, to the point you were begging for something to happen, anything!

"You are so needy, chica."

He said from behind you, the sound of him unfastening his belt and zipper filling the shower after his words. Your heart skipped a beat, fingers flexing against the wall. You wanted so much to turn around and see the magnificence behind you, but you knew he would punish you if you did.

"Despite your...neediness, I need you to listen. To obey my commands, chica." He uttered, a sharp gasp escaping your lips when you felt his hands on your waist, his bare chest against your back, and his cock poking into the back of your thigh. You whimpered softly, your juices spilling down your legs.

"And what did I tell you, hmm?" He urged, moving his cock into the gap between your thighs, brushing his length along your slick folds.

You knew this was a trap. He wanted to see what you would do, now that his impressive cock was right where you wanted it most...

You moaned, gripping the wall, and trying to find your words. "T-To be p-patient." You said through breathy gasps. He hummed in agreement. "Good, soldier, and what did you do despite my command?" He asked into your ear, his lips brushing the lobe and making you shudder under him.

All you've ever wanted was him, making his demand for patience utterly impossible.

It was despicable how, in spite of your Colonel’s knowledge of your intense desire to feel his touch, his cock, his body against your own, he was ordering you to wait. You pressed your forehead into the shower wall, biting your lip and ignoring his question.

You didn't want to wait.

You couldn't, not with your body practically begging for him, and your arousal leaking onto his cock and down your thighs.

You shook your head, grinding onto his shaft that was nestled between your legs, failing his test horribly. With every gyrate of your hips, his mushroom head brushed into your clit over and over again. The feeling was so good and pleasurable it urged you to move your hips faster, chasing that sweet sensation.

Miguel's deep groan into your ear only made you quicken your pace until his deadly grip on your hips forced you to stop. "Fuck, Chica. You just can't seem to listen, can you?" He spat harshly into your ear. You whimpered, feeling him move his cock from between your thighs to press it along the curve of your ass. "I-I'm sorry."

"Stop with the fucking apologies." He growled, his hands lowering to grope your rear tightly, emitting a cry from your lips. "All you do is apologize but do the same damn things." He hissed, feeling his dark eyes look you over, a deep chuckle passing his lips. "You are practically shaking in my hands, but it's not from fear, is it, you little slut?

It was as if he had punched you right in the gut. You knew your Colonel was observant, from being alongside him from the one mission you were allowed to participate in. You remembered the usefulness of the skill, but you wished right now that he wasn't.

He was capturing everything and didn't hesitate to bring it out into the open.

Indeed, you were trembling and quivering under him. The desire and lust for him were overwhelming, and just his mere touch was causing you pleasure. "N-No. I-It's not...f-fear" You honestly replied, shamelessly lowering your head against the wall. He snickered, feeling his defined chest rumble against your bare back. "Shit, you want this so damn bad, don't you? Want my cock inside of you?" He inquired, only making your stomach tighten in want.

It was as if he had read your mind. Knew all your dirty thoughts. You bit your lip, unable to confess something so embarrassing.

A sudden harsh slap to your ass made you jolt and cry out in a mixture of ecstasy and agony. Miguel's large hand wrapped around your throat, pulling you flush against his hardened chest.

"Answer me, soldier." He said harshly into your ear, his hand giving your neck a warning squeeze, briefly cutting your oxygen before your lungs were filled once more. "You are aching to be fucked? Yes or no?" He asked through gritted teeth whilst you were gasping desperately for air. Your hands left the wall to grasp tightly around his massive wrist and forearm, his limbs looking so humongous in your hands.

Despite his roughness, this was all you've ever wanted. What you've desired. You found yourself frantically nodding, his hand still snug around your throat, fingers pressing into your neck. "Y-Yes." You panted, causing him to groan, the sound so very sexy in your ear.

"And yet, you are faced with a predicament aren't you, Chica? Believe you can't cum, is that right?" He asked in a teasing voice, your face reddening at his recollection of your embarrassing secret.

You nodded, his other hand leaving your waist to slap your ass once more. "With words."

"Yes!" You cried out, feeling him tug you back against him. "Isn't that a shame that you cannot handle it yourself? You want me to do it for you?" You bit your lip, squeezing your thighs tightly together. "T-That's...correct sir." You whispered, his hand around your waist beginning to explore your body, caressing your thighs, stomach, and hips.

He took your sensitive breast into his hand, tweaking the tender nub and groping the supple flesh roughly, drawing a wince and whine from your parted lips. "That makes you selfish." He sternly said, tightening his hold around your neck, even a little bit of his strength left you gasping for air. "We could get in a hell of a lot of trouble if we are caught and yet, you still crave me." He stated, reading you like an open book.

Were you that easy to read?

You thought you were careful with your attraction towards your superior. You made sure the only time you pleasured yourself to him was somewhere secluded and away from everyone, that when you were ogling at him, no one was watching. So how the hell was he doing this?

Unveiling all of your deep secrets without you even having to open your mouth.

It was bothering you so much…

You wet your lips, nodding slowly. "Y-Yes...I-I still do." You told him, his hand still enclosed around your throat and continuing his sensual play on your breasts with his other. "Y-You make it impossible not to, sir." You rasped, trying to keep your voice stable in his hold.

Silence filled the shower room after your confession leaving you nervous about whether he'll leave or not.

You did, technically, admit that the two of you could get into serious trouble if you continued, yet due to your blinding lust for him, you didn't care.

Even if you didn't, your Colonel could lose everything.

Does he think less of you now?

Did that make you even more of a slut in his eyes?

Your mind was swirling, trying to ponder what the hell was going to happen. However, the more you thought, the more your worries intensified.

Suddenly, a blur of movements occurred, everything happening so fast that you were unable to keep up.

Miguel spun you around, turning you to face him, sometime during the movement, he turned on the shower. The water cascaded down your bare beings and dripped off every sexy and tantalizing contour of both of your bodies.

Your eyes roamed his massive frame, finally seeing him fully. His coppery, scarred, and muscular body was in front of you, as everything about him was big. His shoulders, chest, arms, hands, and even his cock.

Your eyes shakingly looked down at the monster between his legs. The enormity you've been dreaming about and lusting for since you've become a part of his team.

You thought it was big when you saw it at the lake, a few feet away from you, but nothing could prepare you for how it'll look in front of you.

Like his enormous frame and towering height, his cock was impressively thick and long. The tawny, sensitive skin was covered in veins with a bulging one that ran down the underside of it. His tip was a flushed, angry brown, already dripping with pre-cum.

A patch of coarse dark brown hair, adorning the top of his well-endowed shaft, trailed an irresistible path up to his navel and hairy toned chest. Even though you've fantasized about his cock regularly, in reality, it was even more astonishing.

He stepped up to you under the water, his gaze predatory behind his dark hair that had become a drenched nest upon his head, wet chocolate strands sticking to his forehead. He took your throat into his large, calloused hand once again, your body welcoming the oddly pleasurable sensation.

"Widen your legs."

He said in a deep voice, his lips drawn down in his usual permanent scowl, regardless of his mood. Your heart leaped at the command, hastily widening your stance, your backside flush against the tiled wall. You shuddered as the steamy air of the shower graced your throbbing core.

His other hand fell down your stomach, tracing patterns as he went. You shakingly exhaled, his touch felt so foreign, yet satisfying all at once. "You are so desperate to cum, Muñeca, that you skip all of the delicious parts." He chuckled, returning to his lecturing. His hand occasionally squeezed around your throat, cutting off your oxygen, before bestowing you with the gratifying air once more.

Your eyes rolled, hands springing up to grab his massive forearm in your hands; although, your fingers couldn't enclose around the bulging limb. He teasingly trailed his other hand along your body, finding your sensitive breasts again, drawing a hiss from your lips. "So, tell me. How do you do it, hmm?" He asked, rolling the hardened pebble under his calloused thumb.

You moaned loudly, squirming in his hold. The sensations, a blend of pain and pleasure due to your heightened sensitivity, leaving you indecisive on the satisfaction of his touch. "H-How do I -gosh do what?"

"Touch yourself. Where do you start?" He asked once more, his fingers continuing to tweak and fondle with your breasts. Your cheeks reddened, eyes opening to gaze up at him to see his serious and stern ones staring right back.

You didn't know why he enjoyed hearing you speak. He knew where you started, it was the sole reason he was here.

But with trembling lips, you responded to your COL. "D-Down there." You panted, bringing a smirk to his lips.

"So, I was correct. You don't know how to please yourself." He uttered, his hand moving from your throat, leaving behind his warmth and burning touch.

Your eyebrows furrowed at his words. You hated to hear that from him.

Something else that you couldn't do without need of assistance, and it was always his.

Whether it was shooting a gun, learning how to not trip over your own feet whilst running or discovering the weakness of your opponent in a fistfight.

He was always there, assisting you with your troubles but making sure you knew how much of a failure you were as he did.

But this was even more embarrassing than any of your other inabilities.

This was something you shouldn't need help with. You should be able to satisfy yourself on your own.

Why the hell did you depend on him so much?!

It was so damn frustrating...

"A-Apparently so." You whispered dejectedly, instantly gaining his attention. "Then let's fix that." He uttered, his hands moving up to caress your breasts, his touch gentle for the first time.

You sucked in a breath. "You want to start with these babies." He whispered, thumbs ghosting over your tender nipples. "Go slow, feel the sensations, and once you are ready." He gave them a sudden tug, pinching them harshly. You moaned loudly, back arching off of the wall.

A fire felt like it had sparked underneath your skin, a blinding sensation washing over you. Your eyes fluttered, looking up at him to see his cold eyes staring back.

He smirked, leaning towards you and placing an open mouth kiss on your shoulder. Your breath hitched. "The goal is to slow down. Enjoy the moment." He whispered into your skin, trailing more of his searing kisses along your collarbones, the water falling upon your bodies.

You wanted so much to touch him, to feel his musculature under your palms. But, honestly, even though you were practically dazed with pleasure,

You knew your place and his…

He sucked softly at your skin, licking up a trail of water droplets up to your neck. You moaned; the sensations so intense. He wrapped his lips around the pulse point of your neck, continuing his sucking, but keeping you unmarked.

You didn't know to be thankful or upset due to his cautiousness of sucking such pretty love bites onto your throat. It would had been wonderful to see them there, knowing it was from him.

You gasp escaped your lips when you felt his heavy cock against your abdomen, throbbing and twitching in desire. Your stomach coiled up in a delectable burn, a feeling that was a distant memory. Your moans came out breathy and airy, and your soppy entrance pulsated in want.

Miguel could feel it.

You were ready for more.

He gave your throat a final lap, before pulling away. His eyes stared at you, seeming a little darker than before. "Then…

You touch."

He whispered, his thick fingers trailing a teasing line down your stomach until finally, his two fingers found your bud of nerves.

You jolted, hands flinging up to grasp his biceps. You moaned at his touch and the feeling of how solid his muscles were. His fingers moved in a circular pace, swirling the saturated bud. You writhed and squirmed, bringing a smirk to his lips.

"Is this living up to your dirty thoughts, Muñeca?" He inquired with a chuckle. You blushed horribly, remembering your loud cries with his name included and how he probably heard. You frantically nodded, unable to speak.

His fingers were as skillful as you thought, fondling and caressing your bud and sending waves of tingles sprouting throughout your body.

Your legs trembled, your chest heaving whilst your breathing increased. He pressed a finger into your bud making you choke out a moan, nails piercing his biceps. He snickered, lifting your leg and exposing your pussy even more for his play.

He quickened his pace, his fingers rubbing your engorged clit at such high speeds you saw stars.

He hadn't even inserted a finger yet and you were already feeling that high approaching, that pleasurable crash that you always deemed impossible.

But you should have known he'll take you there…

And even further…

He widened your slick folds, replacing his fingers with his thumb, pressing the thick digit into your exposed clit, and inserting two fingers into your soppy entrance. His movement, becoming even more erratic inside of you.

You cried out loudly, looking down at his hand that was moving so fast against your clit and thrusting inside of you. You’ve never felt such speeds, unable to do so yourself, as the intensity of it was brutal. Your juices splashed everywhere, dripping onto the floor whilst he continued his assault.

Moans became stuck in your throat, your gut started to tighten, and your eyes rolled so fiercely you saw white. "Yes, chica, just like that." He growled. "Cum for me." He snarled, and you lost control.

Your limbs felt like jelly, thighs convulsing and pussy clenching around his fingers as you came in hot juicy spurts. Your arousal gushed out, spilling down your thighs and coating his hand. You shook uncontrollably, becoming a trembling leaf in his arms and unable to utter a word.

Miguel continued to please you through your orgasm, driving you over the limit and making you cream until you couldn't anymore.

"This what you wanted, chica?" He asked through growls, running his slick fingers through your wet folds upon your fading orgasm. You were highly sensitive, whimpering and nodding frantically. "Yes, g-goodness yes." You whined, practically on the verge of tears by the sheer intensity.

He laughed at your glossy eyes and flushed cheeks. He smirked, looking at you. "Had enough?" He asked, dark eyes following you.

Honestly, you wanted to nod.

Just the thought of going through another burst of pleasure was exhausting, yet your core throbbed in desire for more of that addicting sensation.

"N-No...I-I can take more." You said through trembling lips. His smirk broadened across his tanned lips. The sight, breathtaking.

"That's what I like to hear, soldier." He said, drawing his hand from between your legs to take hold of your neck once more. You gasped, his thumb tracing patterns across the base of your throat. Your hands fell into place on his forearm, his entire body, mostly his chest, covered in a sensual tangle of dark brown hair.

His rugged look exciting you even more.

Upon coming down from your high, your numbness faded away allowing you to feel and become aware of your surroundings again. His hands were calloused against your throat and skin, rough after years of handwork and harsh labor. Even his manly scent of musk and sweat reawakened that desire inside the pit of your stomach.

Everything about your Colonel you adored, the burning wish deep inside that he would grace you with the feeling of his cock; because, at the moment, the longing to be fucked by him was the only thing on your mind.

Your COL, lowered your leg, running his palm along your thigh to grip your hip. "Want to be fucked by a real man, soldier?" He inquired with a smirk. "I doubt that ex of yours fucked you like I can." He uttered, his voice dripped with confidence, making your stomach flutter.

It seemed as if your COL secretly enjoyed hearing you confess to that erotic question. That burning and so very enticing inquiry.

He knew how much you wanted it.

How much you wanted him, yet this was his second time questioning your desires.

"Yes, I-I want you to fuck me." You uttered through trembling lips, gazing up at your massive Colonel. His dark eyes were cold but held a hint of amusement, peering down at you like a mere ant.

The shower was completely silent, except for the running water that dripped around your naked bodies. Time was the last thing on any of your minds as he gave you that rare smirk that ignited the butterflies in your belly, making them fly rampant.

He pressed his thumb into your throat, your breathing turning more into a wheeze. "Don't expect me to be gentle." He said gruffly, his other hand trailing down your body to rest on your rear, his rough palm squeezing your supple cheek. A strangled moan escaped your lips, your core throbbing at his warning and touch.

"I-I didn't want you to." You replied through gasps of air, his smirk broadening.

He didn’t utter a word, using his other hand to lift your leg, hoisting it up over his right shoulder. You gasped, turning to the side and resting both hands on the shower wall. Miguel smirked, grasping your leg and pulling you towards him. You whimpered, biting your lip at the heat and hardness of his cock brushing against your core.

“Remember, Soldier…” He whispered, moving his hand from your throat to take your hair into his tight grip. He yanked your head towards him, making you wince.

“You asked for this.”

He uttered sinisterly before a sharp delightful, yet painful sensation shot through your body. You choked on a moan, feeling his large tip sink inside of you. You held onto the wall for dear life, his grip around your leg dangerously constricting. “Fuck, you are tight.” He snarled into your ear.

Just his tip was inside and your walls felt like they were being stretched to the extreme, despite being soaking wet. You whimpered, burrowing your face into your inner elbow, as his cock throbbed inside of you with every clench of your walls.

“T-Too big, C-Colonel.” You said into your arm, your words muffled, but intelligible. He groaned, the sound resonating from the depths of his chest. "Mierda, you can take it.” He growled, his cock straining inside of your tight walls. You whined, the sensation of the extreme stretch of your walls was so strong that you could feel the tingles in your toes.

It was almost hard to stand…

"Relax, Princesa. Loosen up." He whispered into your ear. Although he uttered the same words from the shooting range, it sounded so much sexier coming from his lips, causing your stuffed entrance to quiver. He groaned, gradually sinking more of his cock inside of you upon your walls easing up. You choked out a moan, fingers flexing against the tiled walls.

"Now, take a deep breath." He rasped, his large hand completely enclosed around your ankle that rested on his right shoulder. You tried painstakingly to focus on your breathing until you found the capability to do so.

You inhaled through your nose and upon exhaling, he pushed the rest of his enormity into your tight walls; his tip pressing against your cervix. You screamed in shock and at the burst of pleasure and pain.

His cock was enormous resting snugly inside of your inners as he held your body tightly against his massive one. Every twitch of his shaft felt like it was in your throat whilst the coarse hair of his cock, brushed against your sensitive bud.

You moaned softly at the overwhelming sensations, tensing around him. Deep grunts passed his parted lips at every choke of his cock by your clenching walls. “Ay cono- you are squeezing me so good." He gasped, his eyes fluttering whilst you whimpered into your arm.

His hardened pecs rose and fell against your raised leg with every breath he took, the feeling only increasing the pleasurable sensations in your core.

Without warning, he slowly pulled out to his mushroom head and plunged back in with the force of a jackhammer, the impact, resonating. You cried out as he soon found a merciless pace inside of you.

With the first snaps of his hips, it instantly took your breath away and made your brain mush. The thrusts that followed were a blur. Your eyes rolled uncontrollably whilst he fucked you senselessly.

You couldn't scream, moan, or cry, every thrust stole your breath away like it wasn't yours to begin with. Your Colonel took you again and again, never ceasing his pace and you were slowly losing your mind with every slam of his cock into your pussy.

“Still believe you can't cum?" He grunted into your ear, hoisting your leg up higher and widening them. You silently moaned, the blood rushing to your ears causing his dirty question to be left unanswered as his cock burrowed deeper inside of you with each snap of his hips.

You pulled away from your arm, drunkenly looking down at the magnificent sight of his cock rapidly thrusting into you. His tanned shaft moved so fast that it was a blur.

You still couldn’t believe this was happening, looking up at your Colonel with a desire to see his face and engrave this surreal moment into your brain.

His dark eyes, blown with lust, met yours, his tanned lips parted while he rutted into you with all his might. His balls smacked into your thigh with every thrust, causing the most pornographic flesh-slapping sounds to fill the tiled cubicle. The water from the shower splashed off your Colonel’s back to pool at your feet, but your eyes stayed trained on Miguel despite the shower blinding your vision.

Your stomach began to burn unbearingly, like a ball of tangled yarn tightening with each passing moment. You couldn’t think, only focusing on the blinding pleasure that was bringing you closer and closer to that blissful end. “C-Colonel…” You were only able to whimper through the overwhelming ecstasy.

“Have to cum, soldier?” He inquired causing you frantically nodded. He chuckled, increasing his pace and snaking his other hand to your front, rubbing frantic circles onto your clit. You screamed out and instantly became undone in his burly arms.

Your eyes rolled back, convulsing harshly in his arms as your release came crashing into you like a tidal wave. Your pussy fluttered around his cock, clenching him tightly and earning a sexy groan from Miguel into your ear. “Fuck- There we go.” He whispered, continuing to fuck you through your orgasm.

The sensations were blinding and so good. It left you wanting more of the forgotten feeling.

Your legs trembled horribly, leaving you unable to hold yourself up; but it was as if your COL knew you and your body, although this being the first time he’d ever touched you.

He hastily pulled out and lowered your leg from his shoulder, making you gasp. He chuckled, leaving you to balance on your jelly legs. "Tired yet?” He inquired. “Knowing a little thing like you, I don’t think you can handle another round.” He taunted, giving you that teasing glare of his.

The look he gave you when the other members of your squad were around.

Challenging you to push your limits, to not look weak, and most of all…

To not disappoint him…

You hated that look because it was a complete and utter mindfuck.

And every single time…

He got you.

You hastily shook your head, resting against the wall to stabilize yourself. “No, sir. I-I’m fine.” You breathlessly replied.

His smirk broadened, as like always, you’ve run right into his trap. “Good.” He uttered, suddenly, hoisting you up and pressing your backside against the wall. His large hands rested underneath your thighs and effortlessly held you up.

You gasped at the abrupt action, wrapping your legs around his waist and resting your hands on his scarred and coarse-haired chest. You met his piercing gaze, his usual confidence, dripping from his very being.

“I’m just getting started with you, soldier.”

He said, not giving you time to react before pushing his length back inside of you. You instantly cried out, your arms flinging around his thick neck. He groaned, his one hand pressing into the wall, his fingers digging into your thigh. "Fuck, you feel good.” He growled, soon finding a relentless pace once again.

With every drive of his hips, your backside slammed into the wall, leaving you certain your back would be bruised later. Your eyes rolled over and over again, his cock continuously touching deep inside of you, making your toes curl so much that it hurt.

He handled your body like a ragdoll, pounding his enormous shaft into you whilst holding you in his arms like you weighed absolutely nothing. The water continued to cascade down your bodies, now completely cold, but neither of you could feel a thing; too blinded with pleasure and of each other.

He took your jaw in his hand, turning your face to look at him. Your eyes fluttered horribly, his thrusting never ceasing. "Tell me this soldier.” He said through grunts, “Do you always moan my name when you please yourself?” He uttered and even during your fucked-out state, your flushed face turned a deep red in embarrassment.

His words clarified his presence during your failed pleasure session.

You didn’t know to be ashamed of him, your Colonel, overhearing you in such a state, or thankful, since now he was bestowing upon you the pleasure your body had been craving. Nonetheless, you tried to find the words in your scrambled brain to respond.

“Y-Yes.” You truthfully stammered. “I-I’m sorry.” You added, your reddened cheeks intensifying as he continued to move inside of you.

A breathtaking grunt that sounded like a chuckle, passed his lips, his amber eyes staring into yours. “What did I tell you about apologizing, hmm?” He inquired, his cock and words only causing the pit of your stomach to tighten once again.

“T-that you don’t w-want to hear them.”

“Correct, Princesa.” He replied, his eyes roaming your face, before sternness washed over his facial features.

"Let me hear it again."

He snarled, making your heart drop. His tone was the same when he was training you on the field, or barking orders to the rest of your squad. His gravelly, rough tone was rooted into your mind and shook you to your very core.

Suddenly, you felt sober and alert for the first time since he touched you.

“W-What!?” You exclaimed in shock. He scoffed, pressing you against the wall, leveraging you, and continuing his inhumane pace. "You heard me.

Say my name, soldier."

He groaned, the water from the showerhead continuing to spill down onto the two of you, blinding your already glazed sight.

You instantly couldn’t speak. Every plunge of his cock inside of your soppy pussy snatched the words from your lips and left your mind a complete mess once again. At your speechlessness, he abruptly slapped you, a sizzling sting filling your left cheek. Your face snapped to the right, a loud broken moan erupting from your throat.

You instantly became alert, your vision still a little hazy as he gripped your rosy cheeks in his hand, turning to face him.

"Fucking say it!"

He demanded, your stomach coiling at the desperate grunts that he was trying to keep hidden behind his gritted teeth.

"M-Miguel- fuck." You were finally able to muster. Saliva that was unable to be swallowed began to drip down the corners of your mouth and behind his clamped hand.

The sexy vein in his forehead started to bulge, his abs clenching against your stomach. "Hmm, say it again."

"M-Miguel! Mmm, Miguel, p-please!" You cried out. You didn’t know what you were pleading for, the reasoning completely unknown. The only thing clear in your fogged mind was your desire for him.

More of him.

Your words seemed to turn him on even more, a hot groan falling from his parted lips, his pace increasing. “Such a good girl for me, soldier.” He gasped, his hips snapping into you at such erratic and unwavering speeds, despite the duration of fucking he'd been doing into you. "Mmm, you are such a good little soldier for me.” He babbled, his fingers pressing into your face whilst your eyes rolled uncontrollably.

Your walls fluttered around his cock, contracting and gripping him tightly. For the first time since his assault on your pussy, his hips faltered, a curse spilling from his lips. "Mierda- I'm close." He rasped, yet, you couldn't take it anymore.

Shockwaves engulfed your body, overwhelming and suffocating you in its electrified grip. Your back arched against the wall, whining and rambling through tears. "I'm cumming. 'm cumming." You sobbed, his cock attacking your G-spot one final time as you squirted in lengthy bursts.

The feeling was something you never felt before. It was different from when you came the first time with his mere fingers and the second on his cock.

Your eyes blurred, your mouth falling slack whilst tears spilled down your cheeks. Your essence sprayed onto him, coating his cock, abs, and thighs with your juices.

He cursed, moving his hand from your face to wrap his burly arms around your body. "Shit, Princesa, you are cumming so well for me." He growled. "I should reward you, shouldn't I?" He inquired breathlessly, a smirk spreading across his bronze, chiseled face.

You didn't need to answer, not like you could anyway, because it seemed your Colonel knew it already.

You were thankful for the implant that was placed into your arm upon enlisting as you knew exactly what your COL was planning.

He took your legs into his hands, placing them onto his broad shoulders, and pressed your backside into the wall. You tighten your grip around his neck, trying to prepare yourself, but it was useless.

Like a jackhammer, he hungrily plowed into you. You silently screamed, his cock rapidly disappearing in and out of your pussy. "Oh yes- going to fill you up so well, little soldier." He breathlessly groaned, his cock effortlessly pressing into your G-spot over and over again.

You were so sensitive, trembling and shaking in his arms. You sobbed at the intensity until your walls gripped him one final time.

"Ay, coño!" He exclaimed, in a low, guttural groan before spilling his seed inside of you. Your eyes rolled, his warm essence coating your walls and filling you up, just like he promised.

Your face scrunched up in pure ecstasy at the mind-numbing sensation, causing you to meet your peak once again. You trembled in his tight hold, eyes rolling whilst your release poured down your legs.

His load seemed to be endless as he emptied himself inside of you until the very last drop. He let out a shaky groan, burrowing the bridge of his nose into the crook of your neck, and holding you against the wall.

The both of you caught your breath, his cock softening inside of your full walls. The shower smelled strongly of sex and sweat. The icy cold water continuing to rain down upon your bodies, your beings finally recognizing the chilliness, but too tired to do anything about it.

When the two of you had finally gotten your strength, your Colonel lifted you from his shaft and onto the floor. His cum instantly began to spill down your jelly legs, the feeling making you tingle all over.

To stabilize you, his large, calloused hands were glued to your hips, just like they were at the shooting range.

Feeling just right, and as if they belonged there.

"Hope you learned something today, Soldier." He uttered, his voice taking on his usual commanding tone. You thickly gulped, looking up at the massive male with half-hooded eyes.

You weakly nodded. "Y-Yes...I have, Colonel." You whispered, bringing a tight-lipped smile to his lips.

"I'm glad to hear that." He said, pulling away from you and drawing the curtains back. Your warm body was instantly graced with a chilled breeze at his action, making you shudder.

The shower room was, thankfully, still vacant as his pile of clothes and boots were sitting just outside of the cubicle.

Before his large frame left you to clean up, he looked over his broad shoulder, his dark eyes on you. "I don't want you pleasing yourself anymore, soldier." He simply said, his words surprising you and making your stomach flutter.

"M-May I ask...why?" You hesitantly asked, still out of breath from the heated sex the two of you shared. He licked his lips, turning to you fully in the doorway of your shower cubicle, his eyes looking you up and down.

"Why, that pussy of yours has my name on it." He replied, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms over his large chest. “I’m the only one that gets to pleasure you.” He chuckled, looking you up and down. “Also because…

I’m the only one who can.”

He uttered, his eyes glued to every part of you. You couldn’t believe what he’d just said, staring at him in utter shock.

A small smirk spread across his lips at your stunned expression. "Now pick your mouth off the floor and get your ass out here in 20." He said, his usual stern voice, holding a bit of amusement. "Take any longer and I won't hesitate to come back and drill that order into your head until you understand. Got it, soldier?"

You bit your lip, cheeks turning a rosy red as you nodded. He pushed off the wall, simply picking up his clothes and walking towards the lockers.

You took in the last of his gorgeous ass, muscular backside, towering height, and confident stride as he disappeared around the corner and into the locker room.

You were still unable to believe that you, the forces' slip-up, were allowed to get a taste of that hunk of a man; and was able to climax so many times with him, despite the numerous times you tried and failed on your own.

You grinned, deep blush staining your cheeks whilst pulling the curtains closed. You turned back towards the cold shower, rotating the knob to the right in hopes of there still being warm water left.

Upon waiting, you couldn't resist recalling everything from that state of pure bliss that you just shared with your Colonel.

The moment, honestly, one of your sex dreams came to life.

Just thinking about it, made your leaking sensitive area throb to life once more.

Even as you stood under the water, muscles spent and core still dripping with his cum, an erotic thought filled your mind…

'Maybe showering a little longer than 20 minutes wouldn't be so bad...'

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed 'Helping Hands.' Make sure to like, comment, follow, and reblog! Love you guys!

Also my request box is open, if anyone is interested!!

<3 Taglist:

@oscarissac2099 @powerful-niya @szapizzapanda @mcmiracles @mreowmoreww @thedevax @jadeloverxd @lazyotakuofficial @migueloharacumslut @nattywattyy @homewreckingwreck @kinkybandages

#miguel o'hara #spider man 2099 #across the spiderverse #the blue panther #miguel ohara #miguel #miguel smut #miguel spiderman #miguel spiderverse #miguel x fem!reader #miguel o hara #miguel x reader #miguel x y/n #spiderman 2099 #miguel ohara fanfiction #miguel x you #miguel x reader smut #astv miguel #Colonel Miguel

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rin-fukuroi · 4 months

Note

Hello! Could I request Dan Heng with an s/o who enjoys cooking and baking for the express (e.g. Himeko always get fancy cakes alongside her coffee, March gets super cute donuts, and even Pom Pom gets rabbit-shaped crackers, etc) but she always makes something extra special for Dan Heng?

Hi!

I was a little late, but I was glad to write this sweet request for you. I may have deviated a little from what you asked for, but I hope you'll like it ( ‾́ ◡ ‾́ )

𝐂𝐮𝐩𝐜𝐚𝐤𝐞! [𝐃𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐧𝐠]

Please do not translate or publish my works without my permission.

The originals of my works can be read here

Fandom: Honkai: Star Rail

Pairings: Dan Heng x fem!reader

Warnings: none, just fluff.

Note: English is not my native language, so I apologize if there are errors in the text qq

God, I always feel like I'm so bad at writing fluff, but for some reason I keep doing it. In any case, even in a pool of debauchery and yandere, sometimes there must be something sweet, right? ( ´ ꒳ ` )

As soon as you had a few free hours, the carriages of the Astral Express were filled with the captivating aroma of a wide variety of pastries.

Once you received a pleasant compliment from Himeko, when you couldn't stand the disgusting taste of her coffee anymore and made chocolate cookies for it to save your taste buds a little, when she kindly offered to treat you to it again, you decided that it would be nice to pamper the other Nameless with something delicious. First, a batch of donuts for March 7, then air pancakes for Pom-Pom, and there was not far for a whole cake to thank Mr. Welt after he helped you out on one of the missions.

It's always so nice for you to see your friends' faces stretch into smiles as soon as your sweet pastries touch their tongues. But there was one person you always wanted to do something special for.…

Dan Heng always refused when others suggested that he try something from your cooking. Although it might seem from the outside that he doesn't like sweets or even disdains to eat food cooked by you (it's so hard to understand his real feelings when his face literally doesn't express any emotions), but in fact he just didn't think that he deserved to try something that wasn't prepared for him. No, no, don't think that he is so arrogant that he can only eat what is made especially for him. Rather, it is another manifestation of his modesty, which he hardly ever admits to.

But you never took offense at it, as if you caught the direction of his thoughts. To cook for him separately the same thing that you cook for other passengers on the Atral Express would be quite simple, however… It's Dan Heng.

Probably, the more you tried to hide your feelings towards him, the more your attitude towards Dan Heng looked like you were simply avoiding him. It's so childish, but there's nothing you can do about how you get nervous in his presence, funny stumbling over words or even uttering complete nonsense, making the rest of your friends feel awkward.

And it should have stopped today.

You'll have the courage, you'll do it. You're going to take a step that should put an end to this annoying awkwardness between you.

You've been up all night knowing that none of you have anything to do today, which means you'll have plenty of time to pursue your newfound hobby. What would he like? Cookies, waffles, maybe candy? Tossing and turning in your bed all night, you still haven't come to full agreement with yourself, but what does it even matter? As a kind of artist, inspiration should guide you in the right direction, so you decided.

March 7 and Caelus looked anxiously at your concentrated figure, which has been diligently trying to cook something in the kitchen for several hours, every time they passed by and heard your dissatisfied grumbling, but they collectively decided to just leave you alone with yourself and your creative process.

Batch after batch of failed pastries were sent to the trash (although they could hardly be called unsuccessful, but there is no limit to perfection). You desperately tried to achieve the perfect balance of taste and appearance of your cooking, but failed time after time, until finally you grunted, looking at another result of your hard efforts, deciding that now it seems you are relatively satisfied.

You nervously shift from one foot to the other, standing at the door behind which Dan Heng's room is located. Your heart literally jumps in your chest until you decide to knock, but then you take a deep breath, taking in more air into your lungs, before finally hesitantly hitting your friend's door with your knuckles twice softly.

— Dan Heng, it's me!

— Come in, — you hear a quiet, indifferent voice on the other side and exhale, slowly opening the door.

— Just so you know, «it's me» doesn't give me any information about who's standing behind the door.

You roll your eyes.

— But you recognized my voice, didn't you?

— Lucky for you.

You move closer to Dan Heng, who is sitting on the bed with a book, ignoring his displeased grumbling.

That's all.

An awkward silence hangs between you, and the man finally looks up from his book, looking up at you.

— Did you want something?

«So, you have to say it confidently… Pull yourself together, it's just Dan Heng…»

You take a deep breath again, closing your eyes, as if trying to concentrate before the fight, causing an even greater misunderstanding of what is happening in the sitting man.

— Cupcake! — you abruptly hand to Dan Heng the most perfect cupcake you've got. A cupcake is neatly wrapped with a small piece of parchment, and on top is a cap of mint cream, framed with a sprinkle of yellow tiny moons.

«Oh shit, that's not what I wanted to say at all!»

Dan Heng just stares at the pastry in your hand for a few seconds before looking up at you with a puzzled look.

— A cupcake?

— C-cupcake… — your outstretched hand begins to tremble. — This is… This is for you! I made it for you.

«God, why are you such a fool?»

Dan Heng's turquoise eyes narrow in disbelief before he accepts your gift anyway, carefully leaving it on the shelf above his head.

— Thanks.

— You're not going to eat it? — you pout, twisting the fingers of your hands behind your back.

— Later, — Dan Heng replied shortly before returning back to reading his book.

You wanted to say something hurtful to him before you left, absolutely furious at his stoically indifferent behavior, but you just snort, throwing a short «you're welcome» before leaving his room.

Dan Heng looks up at the door, noticing how it closes after your figure has left his field of vision. The man sighs, putting down the book before taking your gift from the shelf. The cupcake looks literally perfect, and Dan Heng just twirls it in his hand, looking at it from all sides.

— And you really want me to eat this? — the corners of the man's lips lift slightly as he chuckles softly to himself before taking a small bite of dessert.

Although at first glance it might seem that the cupcake is very sweet, there is a slight sourness in it, which balances the taste and doesn't make the sweetness cloying. The cream is so airy that it literally melts on the tongue of Dan Heng, and the little moons of glaze crunch pleasantly in your mouth.

— Delicious…

#hsr #headcanons #hsr x reader #honkai:star rail #honkai:star rail x reader #hsr x you #dan heng #dan heng x reader #dan heng x you #hsr drabbles #hsr fluff #dan heng fluff

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the-curse-of-neoclones · 6 months

Text

Moderneopets Artist Mistreatment

Edit as of 11/16/23 10:40 AM NST:

Removed names where I failed to do so before. I'm very sorry to the affected parties, this snowballed so far out of my intended scope.

Edit as of 11/16/23 5:30 PM NST

Please see this post for a small update.

As of 11/16/23 10:10 PM NST, Hazer the site owner has formally and publicly apologized to myself and Velu, the other affected artist. As far as I'm concerned he has officially handled the situation as best as he could, and I hold no further qualms with Moderneopets. I hope to hear of its management continuing in this direction.

The following post is left up for archival purposes only.

*****

Hello, I’m wren. I'm an artist responsible for some of the pet assets on the neoclone, Moderneopets. I'm just going to get into it.

Hazer was extremely lucky to somehow cultivate a dense group of largely professional artists to work together to make assets for his site. When it comes to his own management as a site runner, he’s largely hands-off of the art department, which is a good thing! If he can’t be active in the art panel enough to know what goes on in there, he shouldn’t be running it— we have many strong, capable artists on the team who are passionate about recreating the neopets style, who work together on every pet that has been released ever since critique became a requirement.

It makes sense that, with a project this large, Hazer should have to designate moderators to enforce rules when he is absent. Choosing to bring on moderators was also a good decision. Unfortunately, he chose poorly.

Art panel issues should have separate Art panel moderators to take care of them. People who are not overburdened with generic moderation duties from the many other channels of the server, for example. In the same vein, artists should not be moderators. When an artist has an issue with another artist, who happens to be a moderator (which has happened many times, with many people— If the mods actually open threads for all complaints they receive, they should have evidence of this & if they don’t they are not being truthful), the artist would likely not feel comfortable approaching that same artist-slash-moderator to complain about what happened. It breeds an aura of fear and discomfort any time there is an issue with an artist/mod, and that is why the two moderators on the team should have to choose one or the other if hazer wants to cultivate a healthy atmosphere in his panel.

I’ve created many pets for this website. Neopets has been a passion of mine since the third grade. I’m also one of those professional artists I mentioned— my work is also art, industry or otherwise. I care about breaking neopets down into their core, recognizable shapes. I care about keeping them on-model and in the spirit of the original TNT art team, with improvements made where I and the other panelists think they make sense. I have redlined for other artists to an even greater degree, just as other artists have redlined for me and helped me finalize each pet into something simply good: something that made sense to get put on a little passion project website for other people with a similar passion to enjoy. I found the panel to be a community of likeminded artists with which to discuss our favorite childhood petsite while we made art for a clone, as if we could pretend we were making art for neopets-dot-com. It was nice.

It wasn’t perfect, though. In fact, shortly after I joined in 2021 I took a hiatus because the art panel was fairly dead. I came back a little while later to see we had several new species, as well as an art director, and lots of activity! That was very exciting. Over the next year I would reach out to the panel or, if nobody was sure of how to proceed, I would reach out to the art director to propose ideas for how to make the panel a little more functional; quality of life updates, if you will. I don’t take credit for all of these alone, there were other artists with similar ideas all communicating to the director in private, but some examples:

A designated “collab” zone where artists could seek out other artists to complete pets with.

“The Purge,” in which the team was whittled down to ~25 current, active artists to refresh the team and allow for new artists to join.

“The Approval System,” which I first sat down with in my workshop (public to all artists) to hammer out the details with as many other artists as wanted to give their input— a method for pitching new ideas to eventually break through the “new species/color freeze” that had been plaguing us.

Speaking on the approval system: like most things that required Hazer’s direct input in the art team, it was left without response for a very long time. Artists with ideas for custom species or colors would occasionally murmur about their excitement for the system to get a look-over by hazer, to see if our approval system pitch would be approved. But hazer is busy, as we all know, and the pitch sat for a while. We had new & returning artists on the team to keep everyone busy.

What I would expect from a years-old panel of artists, when new additions arrive, would be some manner of tutorial. New artists would need to know the pipeline (here’s your workshop, you can post WIPs and anything else in there; here’s how you ping for critique, here are the spaces in which to ask for it; make sure you always ping before your work is submitted on-site), and there would likely be some acclimating on both sides. What I did not expect (but should have), was pushback from new artists on things that hadn’t had pushback in a long time. Why can’t [x] color be a posechange? Well, we’ve created many already and none of them were posechanges. Why can’t I use colored lineart? Well, that isn’t in line with the style standards set by this color; see, nobody else is coloring their lineart.

Suddenly there was a divide between veteran artists, the director, and the new blood. The divide felt greater when Hazer came to his new artist’s aid to say, approximately: “Eh, if someone wants to go above and beyond and make better art, they shouldn’t have to adhere to the guidelines.” Then he threw the art director under the bus for not somehow knowing that his intentions were always to keep the panel loose and unstructured. But don’t worry, that isn’t the first bus and won’t be the last.

My personal investment in the panel waned around that time. I think a structured “work” environment with easily accessible rules and deadlines is necessary to any project of this size. If we didn’t want to enforce color standards, nor prioritize certain colors for release, and anyone could just submit whatever Nice Art they wanted, why not open it up so any user could submit pet art? Why have a panel at all? Isn’t Hazer taking any opportunity to dunk on Leopets because he wants his site to be better? How is this different?

But I stuck around. This was a hobby I really enjoyed, after all, and I really believed it could get better. It had a good core, and despite my grievances with individual artists, none of them were bad people.

But I noticed some trends. New artists would receive feedback that they didn’t agree with and retaliate by bringing in their emotions or personal preferences. Any disagreement where multiple veteran artists stepped in to say their piece would escalate to the point of very long messages on both sides, and would need to be left to hazer to give a final input. Often he didn’t come around to it, because he’s busy, as we know. I didn’t step in to every argument; they became cyclical after a while, and I didn’t have the time or energy to spend simply tapping the proverbial sign (or style sheet). I would try to give positive suggestions when I could, for example: I don’t think this color needs another alt for just one single design, but we did talk about eventually making this color that your design would fit into really well.

I’ve done my time having arguments on the internet. I really just want an art environment where the rules are set and people actually enjoy following them, because I do— I see art rules as helpful guidelines at best and obstacles to cleverly navigate at worst, which is still fun. But of course not everyone is going to feel the same way, that’s normal; that’s life.

On 11/9 I was given this message by Hazer:

It reads:

Hello wren,

I am reaching out to you today to inform you that effective immediately you are being dismissed from the Artist and Consultant Panels. This decision has been reached through discussions and based on repeated offences in the form of user harassment and subjecting the panels to a toxic atmosphere, after multiple reports and concerns brought up to us by other users.

While we understand concerns regarding panel management, there is a distinct difference between criticising and condeming the way the panel does things and criticising and condeming users that are on the panel, and we believe this line has been crossed one too many times, further supported by concerns brought to us.

We appreciate the passion and drive of our team—all of them—and we understand you have been very passionate about the panel. Given some of the messages we see, we have also concluded that due to things in the panel not working out as you have wished, it has caused you much stress and upset as well, which we do not want. All in all, we've decided that the atmosphere of the panel and your own enjoyment of the website are hampered by your presence on it. Because of this, we have decided it is best to have you part ways with the staff sections of the website.

Effective immediately after this message, we will be permanently removing you from the panels. While normally we do a temporary removal, in this case we've seen that your compatability with our management and handling of the panel will not improve, and it will just bring stress to both sides.

We understand you have put a lot of passion into the projects you have been working on for release in Moderneopets, and in lieu of that, we offer you the option of having the project(s) still be released even after dismissal. Rewards will still be granted for releases per usual, and credit will still be given. If you decide, due to dismissal, you do not want your unreleased work to be released on Moderneopets, simply state it as such, and we will discard all progress on projects you have been working on to respect those wishes.

This decision is final and will not be revoked.

Best wishes to you,

The Moderneopets Team

[end caption]

My response:

It reads:

No warnings huh?

[end caption]

Hazer didn’t have an answer for me. I was already removed from the panel.

This came as a shock. I’d been there for over two years, I felt I had a good rapport with the other artists, I felt I’d been a helpful and active addition to the team. Like I said, I’ve done my time having arguments on the internet… what toxic behavior? Discussions over style guides? Giving redlines to people with permission? Working with the whole team to bolster several new color releases? I had an entire species that Hazer wanted ready to go since March— I just pushed through the Swamp Gas release, I just created the Mystical alt?

No warnings?

Let me reiterate: I have never been spoken to by any staff about my behavior. Hazer, his then-four moderators— none of them have ever been in my DMs to issue a warning. I have spoken TO the mods about others’ behaviors, and nothing ever came of it. The one time (and I mention this for full transparency only) the art director came to talk to me about something I said, it was stated clearly that it was not a warning, and even so I adjusted my behavior around said issue accordingly. And that was well before the purge.

But, don’t take my word for it. Here it is from hazer himself, speaking over his mods who were busy telling the rest of the panel that they always issue warnings:

It reads:

No in this case I do agree that this has been an abrupt situation and I understand the blind-sided-ness of it. No official warnings were given out regarding the actions that resulted in the removal of artists today and that’s on fault of myself and deebs not working things out properly despite the moderation team bringing issues to a us a few times – also due to our lack of availability recently. [end caption]

So… What happened? Well… here it is from Hazer, in longform:

For those who use screen readers, above are several enormous discord screenshots; I've placed it in a paste bin here: https://pastebin.com/dHLiBRTF

Two other artists immediately stepped down. Hazer admits here in his message that he and the mods had multiple tickets opened about my behavior, that they had known they wanted to remove me. They never gave a warning, never talked to me until the moment of my dismissal, but they had known it was coming for months?

Why did Hazer and his gang of mods let me continue working on art for their panel? Why did they let me work so hard to pull Swamp Gas together for an official release? Why did they let me put together a whole custom Alt and workshop it for so long? I’ve been active this whole time. Why did you let me keep working if you knew you wanted me gone?

I am a professional artist. My work is art. Hazer made the knowing decision to exploit my time and effort for his website. He’s not paying me, he’s not paying any of us. It’s volunteer work. But I did not volunteer to be mistreated like this. To not even be given a chance to defend myself. To him, artists are disposable. To him, if someone has worked on your team for years but speaks up when your friend tries to overturn the system, even civil discussion is cause for disposal. Civil discussion negates years of effort, passion, time and care.

I didn’t have to make art for you, Hazer. And you don’t deserve the team you have. How many artists have voiced their discomfort with your actions? How many artists are taking a break from the panel because of how you handled this? Ah, wait, you wouldn’t know… you’re busy.

Hazer and his mod team are just another corrupt group of individuals unfortunately heading what could have been a fun and promising petsite. Everyone who speaks praise of modneo does it by and large because of the new and unique art. Hazer was extremely lucky to cultivate a dense group of largely professional artists to work together to make assets for his site.

If Hazer wants to show any sign of his potential to be a better person, I believe he needs to formally apologize to his site for the misuse of his power and the mistreatment and exploitation of artists on his team. He needs to apologize to you, the players of his game, the subscribers to his patreon, for allowing this to happen under his watch and under his word. You know you fucked up, hazer. You shouldn’t have sided with your friend without any actual evidence of misconduct. You shouldn’t have spoken about me like I was a toxic, subhuman hindrance to your art team. You shouldn’t have treated me like that. I didn’t deserve it. None of us did. You can apologize to me and the other lost artists publicly.

#moderneopets #virtu.pet #grundos cafe #neopets #neotag #modneo #moderneo

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gentlebeardsbarngrill · 2 months

Text

02/27/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Cast&Crew; SambaSchutte;VicoOrtiz;RhysDarby; Fan Spotlight; More Polls; Repo News; Rotton Tomatos; Watch Party Reminders; Articles; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Tonight's Taika;

= Cast & Crew Sightings =

= Samba Schutte =

Samba posted so much BTS I couldn't fit it on one recap! I I posted some highlights, and you can see all the pictures + merstede video over here.

Obviously if you have instagram please visit Samba's IG Post/Stories

= Vico ortiz =

Vico decided to bless us with "Soft Boi" vibes today.

"💙💚✨Soft Boi✨💚💙 📸: @transnormativity"

Also, Vico is a member of the Public Assembly free theatre in South Pasadena California and "wrote something" for the next assembly! If you're in the area, consider checking it out, it's free!

= Rhys Darby =

Cameo - Reconnecting with Art / Writing!

The cameo today is about Reconnecting with Art / Writing! Thank you to the anonymous sharer who allowed us to partake in this lovely and inspiring cameo!

Cameo Src

== Fan Spotlight ==

Last couple days of February Love Collage Fest! @wndrngnomad even gave us a bonus for #TaikaTuesday! And that catches us up! Just two more days! Want to see the collages anytime, check them out in our Fan Spotlight Section on the repo!

Day 27: Season 1 Costumes

#TaikaTuesday

Day 13: Matthew Maher!

Day 14: February Love!

Day 15: Taika Waititi

PS: Lots more fan spotlights to come, today got away from me and I had a couple more people to check with.

== More Polls to Participate In =

Looks like Ranker is doing a pole on the best HBO Max shows! You can click the up arrow for OFMD, and the down arrow for other shows if you'd like as well to move the rankings around. Thanks @JackieNoses on twitter for recommending it!

== WATCH PARTY REMINDERS! ==

= People of Earth S2 =

People of Earth S2 continues tomorrow Feb 27 at 9 pm GMT / 4pm EST / 3pm CST / 1pm PST. Need access? Reach out to @iamadequate1!

#PiratesOfEarth

= Uncle Season 2 Watch Party! =

Wed 28th + Thurs 29th GMT - 8pm / ET - 3pm / PST - 12 pm Streaming on I-player! Outside the UK? Follow this VPN tutorial to learn more.

#ForTheNewUncle

== Rotten Tomatoes! ==

Just wanted to give a huge shout out to everyone out there doing ratings! We finally made it to 1000+ ratings on Season 2 for Rotten Tomatoes! What an excellent job everyone!!!

== Repo News ==

I am putting this in the recap so that in case someone missed it on my blog I can still try to fix any damage that was done. This is the first para, but please read the whole thing here. "It has come to my attention that a google drive that was linked in my Repo contained art, gifs, images, videos etc that had not been shared with permission of the original artists. I want to sincerely apologize to anyone who this affected." The situation has been rectified, but please, if you were one of the folks affected, please reach out to me and I will see what I can do to help.

== Articles ==

10 Streaming Shows That Were Cancelled Too Soon

== Love Notes ==

Today I would like to take a moment to thank the folks who checked in on me or sent kind words today while I was having a rough time (whether you knew it or not). You all really amaze and humble me with all your kindness and caring. I wanna give a few shoutouts to some folks who kept me sane today @spirker @ofmd-ann @scorpiostarseed @xoxoemynn @catbells-and-summerlinens @brainfugk @hoshiforever @roximonoxide @aliragsandmuffins @melvisik if I missed anyone I promise it's not on purpose but because I am about 3 minutes away from passing out on this couch or I thought you wanted to remain anonymous.

Love Note: From DoodleGems--

You really do deserve to take up space. When you do, you work miracles and you move mountains and you give this tired lady hope. So remember you are worth taking up space and fill it with all your goofy unique wonderful soul <3 Love you lovelies, get some rest tonight.

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Okay so I can't stop looking at this post by @ofmd-ann so yes these two are tonight's, even though I'm sure I've posted them individually before (but they go so well together so here we are)

#daily ofmd recaps #daily ofmd recap #ofmd daily recaps #ofmd daily recap #ofmd #our flag means death #rhys darby #save ofmd #taika waititi #samba schutte #ofmd bts #vico ortiz #ofmd crew #save ofmd crew #ofmd renewal repo #watch parties

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snowberrydream · 1 year

Text

Stoma gave Käärijä a new life - english translation of an interview for Finnilco ry 8.5.2023

Translator’s note:

If you’ve been wondering about that scar on Finland’s favorite green boi’s belly …this is about that. (Because why be cha cha cha when you can be sad sad sad and read about how he was like a week away from death at one point in his life. Though I guess it kinda fits the post-ESC depression, really)

Okay, now some actual notes about the text. So, Finnilco is a Finnish organisation for patients with stomas and the like, so the interview talks a lot about medical stuff and is clearly geared towards people with similar health issues. It might not be as ”entertaining” as all the other stuff you might’ve seen about him recently, but I recommend reading it anyways, as I feel it gives a lot of insight to who Käärijä is as a person. It hasn’t always been just crazy and party for him.

There is a lot of medical vocabulary in this, and I’ve done some intense googling and wikipedia-ing to figure out what the correct terms are, but I can only hope they are right. Trying to understand whether things are synonymous with each other or completely different things is kinda hard when you have zero knowledge about the subject. I deeply apologize for any mistakes that might occur.

I’ve also done some minor tweaks to the text (like cut down on repeating his last name in nearly every sentence) for the sake of easier reading, as the style of it is quite academic and ”dry”, but overall I’ve kept as close to the original as I could.

link to the original finnish interview:https://www.finnilco.fi/post/avanne-antoi-k%C3%A4%C3%A4rij%C3%A4lle-uuden-el%C3%A4m%C3%A4n

***

Jere Pöyhönen, known by his artist name Käärijä, is the finnish representative in the Eurovision 2023 Song Contest. The artist, known for his style and energetic live-performances, had his youth shadowed by serious health issues, to which he even almost lost his life.

By his own words Pöyhönen is still just a normal guy. Vantaa-born Pöyhönen was diagnosed with colitis ulcerosa, a type of imflammatory bowel disease, when he was young. As the disease got worse, he had to eventually have an emergency surgery, where he got a temporary stoma. Later the stoma was removed and replaced with a J-pouch (ileo-anal pouch), a reservoir pouch formed from the end of his small intestine. Currently in good health, he wants to be open about his disease so that he could offer peer support to others battling with the same issues.

- I am truly fine with this, I am not ashamed about it, on the contrary, I want to tell about this to everyone. I hope that by sharing my experience I could help someone else, Pöyhönen says with a smile.

Symptoms lead to an emergency operation

When Pöyhönen was at ninth grade, he was diagnosed with rectal inflammation. The inflammation was treated with suppository and oral medication, and it got better. When he was 18, the symptoms returned. For a year he was on an elimination diet that kept the inflammation under control, but eventually his condition got worse again, and in the end his entire colon got inflamed. Several treatments were attempted, but none worked. At the worst point Pöyhönen weighed only 49 kg, and his hemoglobin was swaying between 54-56.

- I was still somewhat right in the head, though I was feeling dizzy and kept bumping into bathroom doors. It was quite a rough time in every way, he reminisces. He defecated blood multiple times a day and was practically bedridden, his parents had to feed him. But nothing seemed to help. Pöyhönen remembers how his mother was crying by his bedside. Back then he had blood tests done regularly to control his condition, and after one time he got a call and was told that his hemoglobin was so low that he needed to be treated urgently. After the call his dad went to start the car and drove him straight to the hospital.

At the hospital, an emergency surgery awaited. While waiting for his turn he wondered about what would happen to him in the surgery, afraid that he’d need a stoma. At the same time he thought that the most important thing was to stay alive.

- Do whatever you have to, as long as I’ll get better, he remembers thinking before going in. A stoma had been suggested to him already before, but until then he hadn’t been able to accept it and had tried to manage by other means. Afterwards he has been thinking that the fear was due to the issue being so unknown. He didn’t know much about stomas and had never seen anyone with one.

- It was a tough spot. I wondered how the stoma would affect my life and me as a person. How would I look like, what would happen to my sexuality. Those kind of things scared me the most about it, he recalls.

Life as a young person with a stoma

The first thing he did after waking from the surgery was feeling his stomach and the collection bag.

- It was a weird feeling, confusing. But at the same time I felt just immense calmness. The root of the problem, the inflamed colon had been removed entirely. Confusion soon turned into acceptance.

- I wasn’t sad about it for that long, on the contrary. When it sank in that I was still alive, the stoma felt like a pretty small thing, considering everything. It was a happy thing that I had it.

Despite feeling thankful about the stoma, it was still a shock at the beginning.

- When I was taken to get a shower for the first time and I saw it, I nearly fainted, he laughs.

The emergency surgery was lifesaving for Pöyhönen. if it hadn’t been done, the inflammation could’ve spread from his bowel to the rest of the body within weeks, or even days. So Pöyhönen came really close to death, but thanks to the stoma he got to continue living.

– Getting the stoma gave me a second chance. A chance that not everyone gets to have. But if they get it, they should take the offer with a smile.

Pöyhönen tells that he got used to living with the stoma quite quickly. But it required him to adjust his own attitude – he had to accept the situation as it was. Luckily he was able to enjoy life even with the stoma

- When I had it, I did all the same stuff as other people. I did sports, went to restaurants, I truly lived a really ordinary life.

Of course he faced also some difficult times. At the time 18 years old Pöyhönen was in a relationship, and he tells that at first things relating to sexuality felt difficult.

- It was indeed nerve-racking. Overall, you are only starting to try out stuff at that age, and then there is the stoma on top of it all.

But one thing was clear for him already at the time:

- If the other party in the relationship doesn’t accept your situation or the stoma, then that person isn’t worthy of you.

From stoma to J-pouch

Pöyhönen lived with the stoma for five months until it was replaced with a j-pouch. In the beginning the pouch got clogged, but he didn’t tell about it right away. He was fed up with spending his time in a hospital and wanted to live a normal life. When he finally told about the clogging, the issue was fixed and the difficulties eased.

- I’ve done all the normal stuff. I’ve travelled around the world, done and eaten the same things as everyone else.

Pöyhönen has had the j-pouch for almost eight years now. He hasn’t had any serious complications, but occasionally there’s been some milder issues.

- Sometimes there’s been minor inflammation or bleeding. Once I went to have an endoscopy after there was more blood and I got frightened. Old fears about how things were in the past rose to the surface, Pöyhönen tells.

Overall he is feeling positive about everything.

– At the moment I’m really contented with my situation, and I wouldn’t change anything. I wouldn’t even want that colon back, as this all has become a part of my identity, he says.

Music as a part of life

Music has always meant a lot for Jere Pöyhönen. Yet it wasn’t always obvious that it would turn into a career.

While spending his time in hospitals, listening to music comforted him and gave him hope. Laying in a hospital bed with an IV drip next to him, Pöyhönen also wrote his own songs. If other patients wondered about his doings, he simply answered that he was making music.

During his time in hospital he realized that life might be short. He decided that if he’d be alive and healthy again after the emergency surgery, he’d go and try doing music for real and with everything he had. Of course, at the time he had no idea how far that decision would eventually bring him.

- My values became clearer there in the hospital. I realized what are the things I love and what is truly important for me. One of those things is music, and doing that was what I set my mind on to.

Pöyhönen tells that he especially enjoys doing live shows, because then he gets to entertain people. He feels he is at his best while performing.

Daily life of an artist

Nowadays health issues don’t cause much trouble in Pöyhönen’s everyday life as an artist, but he still needs to take good care of his body. At gigs he must pay extra attention to what he drinks and eats, when and how much. He is sweating a lot while performing on stage, and to balance that he drinks salt/mineral water. The excitement also affects his bodily functions, and during stressful moments he’ll need to use the bathroom more often. But he tells that he doesn’t really get nervous about doing gigs anymore.

However, the approaching Eurovision song contest is a kind of gig he has never experienced before. The event is big and the place as well as the proceedings are all new to him. Despite all that, Pöyhönen seems trustful.

- I don’t know how it is going to be like in there, but I don’t think I’ll have any problems. His confidence relies both on his general attitude and that over the years he has learned to know the way his body functions quite precisely. He knows when his energy levels are getting low and when he needs to drink or eat.

Family’s support has been important

When Pöyhönen was sick, the support from his family was what helped him to keep going. Thanks to his family he has always felt valued and loved.

– The contribution from my parents has been enormous. I will never be able to repay their efforts, other than by being alive.

Pöyhönen tells how his parents gave him their full support while he was sick.

- When I first got diagnosed with the rectal inflammation, they wanted to figure out what could cause it right away. They delved deep into the matter, made phone calls and searched for information from the internet.

His parents drove him to his tests and put their time and money into finding out what was going on. The financial support made it possible that he could have all the different tests done despite them costing a lot.

Stories from peers bring hope

Though his family and friends have been there for him, they haven’t been able to offer him peer support. When he was sick, Pöyhönen did sometimes feel very alone with his issue.

- I didn’t know anyone else in a similar situation as myself. I didn’t get to talk face to face with peers, he says. He did search for peer stories from internet, but people online were usually anonymous, and though he gained information through it, he was longing for human connection and faces to relate to. Lucky for him, an acquaintance of his was in the hospital at the same time as him due to a similar issue. They became friends and messaged daily through Facebook, asking each other about the number of times they went to bathroom and the like.

Pöyhönen says that those kind of discussions with a peer were a big help. It was important to hear that someone else was experiencing similar things as him. An ice hockey player Teemu Ramstedt gave him another face to relate to.

– It gave me lot of faith to see someone else with the same stuff going on as me. That an athlete, a hockey player, had been dealing with the same issues, he tells.

Attitude and dreams helping to go forward

While being sick Pöyhönen gained strength from daydreaming and steering his thoughts towards future.

- I kept thinking that at some point I’ll have good moments with my family and friends again. That one day I’ll be healthy and able to feel happy about everything. In the end it was quite simple things that helped, and also humor helped to get through it all.

Pöyhönen tells that he has been a joker since he was young, and when he was unwell, he also used humor to deal with the difficult things. But there was also something else hidden underneath the jokes.

- Maybe all the joking was also a survival tactic. A way to escape from it all. In the beginning I didn’t want to accept the reality, even though I tried to convince myself that I had done so.

Pöyhönen tells that the songs he used to listen to while in hospital were difficult to listen to after he got out of there. Also some familiar places would bring up old memories in an unpleasant way.

But in the end, time heals, and years later those same songs are back on his regular playlist. Now they just uplift his mood and push him forward.

It’s worth it to open up

When Pöyhönen was sick, he didn’t always tell about his symptoms to his parents or the hospital staff right away. One reason that he mentions was shame. At first he himself didn’t want to believe it to be real when he first saw blood down in the toilet.

- But when it happened again, I realized that this might not be something that would just go away. That it might be something more serious that should be taken care of, he recalls.

And to his younger self, or someone else in a similar situation he would give the advice that you should be open about your problems. He also encourages to try and find some peer support, as he himself was left without it for the most part. Though the bit he did get was a big relieving factor..

– When a person suffers from an illness, the most important thing really is that you are mentally in a good condition. If you are feeling down, the healing process will be really hard, he points out.

At the moment he dreams about that he and the people closest to him would stay as healthy as possible. He wishes that he would get to do things he enjoys in his life and to spend time with the people that are important to him.

To the readers of Finnilco he sends the following message:

– Go forward with humility, but don’t be too meek either. Love yourself, your body and mind. Be well, and if problems arise, react to them right away. Enjoy life and do things that make you happy.

***

#käärijä #eurovision #eurovision 2023 #cha cha cha #interview #translation #ulcerative colitis #inflammatory bowel disease #stoma #it's a bit sad read but also comforting #he sounds so nice and so does his famiily

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