#i wrote my best stuff when i was at my very worst mentally

[stil-lindigo]

the dredger.

a comic about closure.

(buy the digital copy of the comic anthology here)

creative notes:

#i wrote my best stuff when i was at my very worst mentally #both RED and Patchwork Canary were written during an emotional pit #i struggled for a while. thinking about that #especially since those two came so easily to me back then and its so difficult to write anything like it these days #but i think id trade being happy over writing Only Bangers any day #closure #i made this comic series about the worst period of my mental health ever and now its over #its 10pm #and i dont know who i am #and thats fine. ill figure it out as i go. #thank you for reading #and thank you for your support #i promise my next project wont be as sad #stillindigo art #comic art #stillindigo comics

[opennwindows]

If you can, could I request BEN Drowned fluff / smut headcanons like about himself, with his headcanon age, hobbies, facts, what he is into or would like & want in a relationship, and what he would be like with a gamer girlfriend/ s/o?

If ya taking requests rn still?✨😇😊💖

Ben Drowned general + NSFW hcs

A/N: yes!! absolutely. i love getting to talk about how the pastas do their pastaing in my mind. i have so many headcanons for everyone that im excited to share!! also sorry i forgot to include the gamer gf part but i don't think it would change a lot of what i wrote!!

btw sorry for fucking dying i have been busy 😭😭 but no one worry i will still continue to work on requests!! if anyone has any marble hornets stuff they wanna request i will zoom you to the front of the queue so fucking quick. anyways enough of me yapping.

cw: 18+ nsfw, toxic relationships, crying kink,

GENERAL

ben is mentally and physically 22, but he can be quite emotionally immature at times. when he died he never stopped growing and maturing, his soul was just stuck in limbo. think like the worst waiting room ever.

he's surprisingly tall, standing at about 5'9. he's lanky but not bone thin. could easily get pretty far in a fight without his ghost powers.

the link costume only appears when he’s in his ghost form. so for example, when he’s messing with someone on their computer he’ll appear as the canon BEN we’re most familiar with. when he’s just chilling in his physical body, he mostly wears beat up hoodies and sweatpants.

contrary to popular belief, ben's not the hardcore gamer everyone thinks he is. sure, he'll play some overwatch or whatever when he's bored but he honestly just prefers to watch tv and browse the internet. understandably REFUSES to play any zelda games. if you were trapped in a video game for decades would you ever wanna touch it again? exactly.

ben loves to draw little comics and troll (see: horrifically traumatize) people online. god forbid you get into twitter beef with this man because he will crawl through your monitor at 3am and leave you with a crippling fear of technology. dude thinks it's absolutely hilarious. a true knee slapper.

lowkey has a sugar addiction. will slam down 4 cans of pepsi in one sitting. he's very lucky that he's basically a ghost because the kidney stones would be plentiful.

ROMANTIC

you know that guy with the blown out speakers in his car, lives off of energy drinks and burnt blue razz ice elfbars, swears aphex twin is the modern mozart and works on the grill at your local wendy’s? yeah thats ben. or at least would be him if he was still human.

“why would you need a chair, my lap is literally right here babe.”

would absolutely wear your skin if given the opportunity. not in a weird way. he’s just EXTREMELY touchy.

he needs someone who is significantly more organized and motivated than him. he can go almost a week without showering and it should honestly be considered biological warfare when he tries to smother you with affection during these episodes.

after awhile of you guys dating he LOVES the idea of y’all showering together. he has a fear of water and while showers aren’t too much of a trigger, your presence helps ease his anxiety.

favorite pet names: bro, dude, dawg, babe, bitch (non derogatory)

not really a romantic but he tries his best. a perfect date for him is just getting some takeout, watching youtube, talking about stupid shit and play fighting. if you want something more traditional or extravagant then he’ll oblige to make you happy but those types of dates make him feel quite suffocated and nervous. try to save those for special occasions.

now let’s talk about his problems because just like the other creeps he is ANGSTY.

he’s probably the most emotionally stable and healthiest of the group but he definitely still has his toxic traits, after all this man is a ghost that mentally tortures and kills his victims through manipulation.

ben would never ever get physical with his partner no matter how enraged he is but he absolutely is the type to do some mental damage when he gets carried away. ben drowned? more like ben gaslighted.

the type to say some shit that would keep you up for years and then kiss you the next morning like the argument never happened. he finds it easier to ignore problems than to actively talk and fix them. you’re gonna have to teach him some important communication skills or else you’ll grow to resent him after all the bottled up rage.

a bit too brutally honest and blunt for his own good so if you have thin skin the relationship would fall apart pretty quickly. he wants someone who can drag him twice as hard as he dragged you. bonus points if your insults are consistently funny as hell.

please watch anime with him and discuss it. he would propose on the spot, especially if you play with his hair.

pro player tip: if you want him to clean his disgusting room, help him and make it fun! he just needs a little push and motivation at times. and being around you makes him want to get his shit together.

big fan of late night make-out sessions. i’m talking like 45 minutes straight of just slobbering on each other’s faces with tongues down throats. if you don’t want his hands running over every inch of your body then you’ll probably have to chain him to the wall.

NSFW

okay. so he’s a little inexperienced with his hands. he’s just a slow learner. be vocal with him about what you like!!

ben's about 7inches and slightly skinnier than average but he will have you seeing stars in record time. the dick game is no joke. he tends to go fast and deep most times.

i can see him being a switch in the idgaf-as-long-as-i’m-fucking way. dude will go with the flow and will try mostly anything.

definitely one of the least aggressive pastas during sex. he has sadistic tendencies but he’s more of a edge/overstimulate you until you cry versus a beat the shit out of you and rip hair out of your scalp type. he’s pretty vanilla given his occupation.

despite his love of roasting the fuck out of you on a daily basis, the only words that come out of this man’s mouth is heavenly praise. he looks at you like you’re the most gorgeous being on the planet and he’ll let you know it.

he loves to whisper praises into your ear while you ride him.

he's more of a receiver than a giver when it comes to oral. he'll absolutely spend hours between your legs if given the chance but nothing beats the sight of you on your knees and teary eyed with his length in your mouth.

he can be a bit of a head pusher but just let him face-fuck you every now and then, hearing his loud moans will be worth it.

did i mention how much of a crying kink this man has? you guys could be on round three and if he stares at your teary eyed fucked-out face for longer than 10 seconds he'll immediately get hard again. you'll have to beg him to give your poor body a break.

he's also into choking but only if he's the one doing it. if you try to restrict his breathing he'll panic and the mood would get ruined.

#creepypasta #creepypasta smut #celia reqs #creepypasta x reader #ben drowned #ben drowned x reader #ben drowned smut #ben drowned x y/n #ben drowned x you #ben drowned headcanons #ben drowned hcs #creepypasta headcanon

[celaenaeiln]

Hi cl! I was wondering if you have or one day would make a recommended reading list for dick?

Yea!! I would love to!

For Robin- the best would be Batman 1940, Batman: Golden Age Omnibus, Batman Chronicles: The Gauntlet, and Robin: Year One

Untainted by bored and desperate authors, the comics are genuinely funny and interesting and action packed. I love puns and humor and good fighting so Batman 1940 was top tier for me. Batman: Golden Age Omnibus I really liked Bruce and Dick's casual "you're like a brother-son-friend-partner" thing that flowed so naturally.

Batman Chronicles: The Gauntlet and Robin: Year One show Dick's capabilities and and how excellent he is even though Batman 1940 shows that too, these are more recent. Whoever wrote The Gauntlet-I'm kowtowing to you. It's god tier work, thank you.

Batman and Robin, A Boy Wonder

I know this is a controversial one because of what Frank Miller makes Dick do but also I just considered it to be part of this universe's batman's psyche. But Frank Miller aside from this one can go suck it. I love everyone in it.

Robin and Batman by Jeff Lemire

This comic talks about Dick directly after his parents' passing. It shows how instead of angry like people think, he was mostly sad and lonely and how he and Batman both grew from this. Going from grief to the light of Batman's darkness that he's known to be.

The Detective Comics

It's Batman and Robin stuff but you know it's just like a progression of the Batman comics but different stories.

The World's Finest Comics both the 1941 and the new one.

Dick's relationship with the Titans and family- Batman: A lonely place of dying.

It takes place some time after Jason's death and shows how Tim joined the family. I love the way they wrote every character. I'm going to put up a post later about Dick and the Titans and this comic is quintessential to that. MUST. READ.

Want more incentive? It's all about Dick and Alfred's relationship and how they're the best father and son.

Dick's relationship with the Titans and Outsiders

Teen Titans (1966) - the silver age, og titans.

The New Teen Titans (1980)

The New Teen Titans: Judas Contract

The New Teen Titans (1984)

JLA/Titans

Titans Secret Files

Titans (1999)

Outsiders (2003)

Teen Titans/Outsiders Secret Files

Teen Titans Lost Annual

Titans (2008)

Titans Hunt

Titans (2016)

Titans United

Titans United: Bloodpact

Titans (2023)

World's Finest: Teen Titans

Nightwing Dick- Nightwing 1996 and 2011

Okay. I know people hate Chuck Dixon but honestly, I think he's one of the greatest Nightwing writers. With him, the writing felt continuous and fluent. It takes you from Dick being fired to the majority of his life. Every arc that was written was excellent because even when Dick was at his worst mentally, emotionally, and physically, he was a formidable foe. He's a tactical genius and one of the strongest fighters and Chuck Dixon put him through a lot but one thing he never did was nerf him. This was very good.

ACTUALLY NO- I LOVED THIS SPECTACULAR, MARVELOUS, BEAUTIFUL, EXTRAORDINARY, BRILLIANT WORK. LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.

Nightwing 2011 will be one of my all time favorites. Undefeatable badass boy. The entirety of Nightwing 2016 has nothing on even a single panel from Nightwing 2011. Glorious work.

Batman Dick- Batman: Streets of Gotham

The things is, Dick was a very good Batman. Actually, he was an excellent Batman. Maybe it's because he's an excellent actor but the internal struggle he had was not outwardly shown when he was Batman thus effectively convincing the public that there was not a different man under the mask (They could only tell because he actually cared about people unlike Bruce). Actually I like him better than Bruce Batman because Dick's actions as Batman at that time were cooler than any Bruce has taken. I know it's hard to believe but this comic was fantastic in showcasing that.

Other top favorites- Nightwing: The New Order, Future State: Nightwing, and Grayson Comics

I'm literally going feral over New Order. Nightwing is the world's favorite (as expected) and has an entire army to himself. He also has a kid named Jake Grayson and JAKE IS THE CUTEST ADORABLEST KID EVER. I LOVE Kori but what I love even more is Dick is a single mom to Jake because Kori left and Jake loves Dick so much! I cried at the end because how badly I was moved.

Future State! Future State Gotham was trash. It was so bad I had to search for a trashcan to dry heave over because it's character assassination. That comic was so bad other DC authors just refused to acknowledge its existence. Future State: Nightwing showcases just how brilliant Dick is. Ever heard the saying, "There's method to my madness?" Dick always has a plan. It's only madness for those that don't understand the full scale of it.

Heh. Everyone hated the Grayson comics but honestly? I loved it. Dick was manipulative, talented, excellent fighter, and a spy. Every task he took he excelled in it. They said that Dick wasn't made for spying but they weren't talking about his skill set. They were talking about his emotions. Even Tiger- Spyral's number 1 asesst and spy- was outplayed by Dick multiple times. If Helena hadn't become Matron, Dick would've burned Spyral to the ground so completely not even ashes of the fire he had set would have been left as evidence for beetles to collect.

Batman/Nightwing: Bloodbourne

Pure fighting prowess. It reiterates the fact that Dick is undefeatable.

Batman and Robin (2009)

Dick!Bats and Damian's run as Batman and Robin. It sheds light onto the hardships of raising an assassin child. People think that Damian would just follow someone along and become good if they knew him earlier but you don't understand. Dick. Put. Work. Into. Damian. Their obsessed with each other relationship exists because Damian is fully aware of the amount of time, effort, and love Dick has given him and reciprocates that. He loves Dick beyond measure and will fight anyone who says even one word against him.

Batman and Robin Eternal

Really talks about Bruce's impact on Dick, Dick's impact on Bruce, family dynamics, batfamily working together, intelligence and fight skills of Dick Grayson. There's a couple plot holes in the middle with about 2-3 panels being wrong but everything else is so correct.

Convergence

Do you want to know how important Dick is in terms of the multiverse's perseverance and continuation? This one!

COMICS I HAVE READ A BILLION TIMES BECAUSE THEY'RE SO GOOD - DARK CRISIS, DARK CRISIS, DARK CRISIS!!!!

DARK CRISIS

DARK CRISIS

DARK CRISIS

I SAVORED every letter of that comic.

#I hope you like these! #dick grayson #nightwing #dc comics #batman #cl anon asks

[nicosraf]

Hello! Was lucifer written to have BPD ? If so, how were you able to portray it in a way that sheds light on it without misrepresenting? Did you get your information from scientific journals and books, or interview someone that has BPD, or suffer from it yourself? In general, when writing a character with heavy mental illness, how do you go about approaching it?

And if that wasn’t the intention, then maybe I’m reading too much into it haha! Your writing is very thought provoking. Thank you

Very much so yes. Lucifer has some pretty intense BPD akajdas

I hesitate to say it (a little) because I find mental health labels to be a bit weird to use outside of a human context and because the labels themselves are... new and fuzzy. (There's been a bit of discussion about BPD being a trauma disorder, rather than a spontaneous personality disorder, for example.) But when I wrote Lucifer to be mentally ill, I was informed by BPD, most particularly. (Ive seen people read him as autistic and plenty of other things too, and I happily accept those readings also.)

I'll also say that I always wanted Lucifer to be mentally ill for mostly selfish reasons. I'm mentally ill and I enjoy writing characters that are mentally ill. I justify it by thinking of the devil's association with mental illness, but really, I just usually write mental illness. And giving Lucifer BPD, in particular, was not really a conscious decision, at least not initially. He just... was and I liked what it added to his character a lot: I liked the idea of Lucifer having a favorite person, and how God fit into that, how Michael fit into that. I liked that Lucifer had a mental illness with strong stigma attached; it made sense for him thematically. And Lucifer's freak out at the end was very much a BPD split, and I thought it worked very very well (again) thematically and for his character.

I don't have BPD, but my best friend does, and we have a ton of overlapping symptoms so I have strong solidarity with those who have BPD and have written BPD characters a million times before. I wouldn't say I do research beyond just... knowing my BPD friends very well and using our shared symptoms as a way for me to inform how I approach certain things (such as delusions or self destruction).

On your qs about misrepresentation and approaching heavy mental illness... This is hard! I think the risk of misrepresentation never goes away, though I also think "representation" is just not a good word, especially for mental illness, which can vary so much for people. I think the better way to think about representing is to focus on writing a depiction that feels authentic, that feels like it could happen to one person with BPD rather than inventing an all-encompassing experience... And to do this, I think you have to be really empathetic, you have to really understand where these feelings come from and how some of the worst parts of it can be perpetuated and how scary it is for the person suffering.

Approaching heavy mental illness is also hard... I feel like I can talk a lot about the necessity for those with mental illness to perform sanity/normal-headedness. For ex, people with intrusive thoughts usually lie to others about their thoughts because they don't want to scare non mentally ill people.

But, you know what, I had a funny encounter recently with a friend who also has what we dub "scary mental illness" and after downplaying my symptoms, he told me his, and I realized that we suffered similarly and I didn't need to downplay my issues. I could talk about the scary stuff, and he wouldn't get scared.

So what I'm saying is that the "approach" depends on who you're approaching. Are you trying to approach those who want to learn and need to be guided delicately? Or are you trying to approach readers who might be mentally ill and are not afraid of discussing the scary parts? Basically, audience should inform your decisions here 100% i think....

A word of advice is always to let someone with the illness youre writing about read your work, if you're looking for authenticity. Talking to people is always great, and I think more people are way more open to talking about their mental issues than you think.

I hope Ive answered your questions!!! thank u! I hope I make sense.....

#mine #ask

[esta-elavaris]

Nobody Knows

Okay, starting things off with something I wrote back in 2015 for my first creative writing class at uni. It's a short horror story, the assignment was literally just "write a short story with roughly 1.5k words" bc they were great with giving us serious freedom to write what we wanted to write, and this was what I came up with. I think it was the first 'serious' original short story I wrote, I was 18/19 at the time (so, disclaimer on that score if you're going to compare it to the stuff I'm posting now at almost-27 lolol), so the quality will probably reflect that, but it has sentimental value and a bit of other meaning to me, so I'm posting it as is. Definitely a "look at what I dredged up from the archives" kinda thing rather than a "wow isn't this great?" kinda thing.

I remember I went into that first semester, looked at the people in the class around me and just thought "oh god, I am so fucking out of my league here" -- but then, three months later, my course leader (who ended up being my personal tutor in the years that followed, and my favourite teacher across my whole degree) really enjoyed it and his very kind feedback resulted in the moment where I stopped and thought "man, maybe I actually have something going with my writing". It also ended up in my uni's Eng Lit magazine, which I still have a copy of for archival purposes ✨

Plus, if I reread it too closely to edit it to the quality I like to think I can produce now, I will end up convincing myself not to post it 💀 so here! Have some baby!writer stuff.

By the time I reached nineteen, I was scared of Nobody. That was what I called him - Nobody. My own private little joke.

“Who are you talking to?”

“Nobody.”

“Who are you staring at?”

“Nobody.”

Not a lie, but not a response that would get me thrown into the nearest mental hospital. I considered that a win/win. It also described him accurately – for he didn’t seem to have a body. All I ever saw of him was shadow. Sometimes it would be clearer, forming a silhouette, and other times he’d just be an ever-shifting mass of darkness. I’d been too young to be frightened by his appearance when I first found him in my grandmother’s attic. I’d thought my cousin’s tales of hauntings in the house had always just been made up to scare me, but regardless, Nobody didn’t scare me – not at first.

By the time he did, I’d known him for a decade, and had only resented him for two of those years. The resentment began at my seventeenth birthday party. Before then, having a negative thought about Nobody was utter blasphemy in my book. I would never allow a bad word to be said about my guardian, protector, teacher and presumed imaginary friend. Not one. My mother would suggest that I was too old for this behaviour, and that it was time for Nobody to go away, only for me to go ballistic. I learned to keep him to myself after that, but my good opinion only strengthened, if anything. What could be bad about somebody, living or not, who was so willing to protect me? Who toppled over the chairs my bullies sat in? Who snuck me the answers I needed in tests? It was absurd, but I kept my mouth shut, and as far as everybody else was concerned, my imaginary friend vanished. It meant little to me – it wasn’t like any of them could see him in the first place.

Then things changed. What was meant to be the best night of my life turned out to be the worst. No parents, no neighbours, no rules. Just lots of booze, music and fun. Or so I thought. The first hint that something was awry was when all of the alcohol became mysteriously unavailable to us. Packs of beer would end up in locked cabinets, with the keys nowhere to be found. Bottles of vodka would fling themselves towards the sink and smash there, any potential source of amusement quite literally down the drain.

Then came the issue of the music. My best friend spent the entire evening wrestling with the CD player, wondering why it would refuse to play certain songs (the ones I knew Nobody hated), or why the volume refused to go any higher than, a pretty pathetic, “six”. The final straw was when every guy at the party suddenly became dramatically ill. Every single one. Headaches, vomiting fits, fevers, or even just a sense of pure unease. They needed little motivation to leave such a pathetic party in the first place. Within an hour, the only guests left were my two best friends. My seventeenth birthday bash had been demoted to a sleepover worthy of a ten year old.

After that, Nobody became less of a trusted ally and more of a domineering parent. Where I used to look at my hungover friends with a smug smirk, happy that Nobody had prevented me from drinking enough to end up in that state, I now looked at them with envy. They were normal. They drank too much and endured the consequences. When they were too lazy to study for tests, they failed. Life was difficult and it was unfair and they complained about it relentlessly. But that was what made it fun. They had to think about their next move, take responsibility for themselves. If they forgot their keys, they’d be locked out – they didn’t have any ghost to open the door for them. Without the dark you find yourself unable to appreciate the light, and so life became unbearably boring. I knew that whatever was approaching me in life, it would be fine. Nobody would handle it, whether I wanted him to or not. I hated it, and I hated him for it. My life was no longer mine to control, but instead belonged to somebody who was dead. How twisted was that? Each day was monotonous, and I found myself learning little - if that - from the limited life experience I had. I made no attempt to have an eighteenth birthday party.

Spurred on by thoughts of my failed seventeenth birthday party, and non-existent eighteenth, I made my decision. On the night of my nineteenth I took a lighter to the living room curtains, setting the place on fire. In the grand scheme of things it seemed like a perfectly safe and reasonable thing to do in the name of distraction. By time the blaze was out and smoke stopped billowing out of the window, I was already down the street, peering out at my home from behind a wheelie bin to make sure that I wouldn’t be returning to the charred skeleton of the house at the end of the night.  What I did return to, however, was a foreboding mass of shadow that I was too scared to tear my eyes away from. His presence had gone from endearing to terrifying in seconds flat.

My bedroom was trashed. Books were scattered on the floor, my clothes were strewn around any and every surface available. Even the door had a long, jagged splinter running up through the middle. Nobody made no move, no attempt at communication. Instead he stood stock-still in the corner, shadows bristling.

I didn’t sleep at all that night, instead sitting up in bed, staring at the void that was once my dearest companion with a sense of dread filling my chest. Hours later, when my drunkenness gave way to a fierce headache, all of the painkillers in the house had mysteriously vanished. I’d hoped it would end there, the same way arguments with my parents went. I’d lie, they’d be angry, eventually we’d all forget about it and move on. Nobody wasn’t the type to move on.

That’s where the decision to get rid of him came from. I couldn’t handle it. The constant hounding of my steps, the uncomfortable atmosphere, the lack of sleep. Sure, without him my life would be mundane and ordinary, but what was I with him? An adult with no decisive powers and an enforced bedtime.

When the day came, I kept up the façade marvellously. Nothing was out of the ordinary, and as far as he knew I was simply visiting a new friend at her apartment. Nobody didn’t show any sign of realising something was up until it was too late.

“That’s it?” I asked the ‘mystic’ dubiously as she finished burning incense and tracing odd symbols on my arms with the ash.

“That’s it,” she waved a hand “You may leave. He cannot follow.”

Nobody’s head shot up in clear alarm. His silhouette jerked towards me, but didn’t move. Couldn’t move. His head snapped between the old woman and I, almost like he was watching a tennis match, before it settled on me again and he unsuccessfully tried to move. The shadows around him spiked outwards.

“Oh, hush! You have no power here!” the old woman snapped impatiently.

I paid her as promised, but kept my gaze on Nobody. It was a weird feeling. Like seeing a caged tiger at a zoo. So much power, but no ability to use it. He’d gone from running my life, to being unable to take even a single step in my direction, all thanks to a bit of ash and some fancy words. For half a second, I faltered. I wanted to apologise to him. Pleasant memories surfaced – my toys putting on shows for me as a child, dancing on invisible strings, or even not having to pay to use the tube, as the ticket gates opened on their own upon my approach. But then the shadows spiked angrily again, and the regret was replaced by the more familiar fear.

When I walked out of that apartment, for the first time in ten years I was truly alone. I was truly free. Free to make my own decisions and live outside of Nobody’s grasp. It was then that life decided to catch up on all the years’ worth of lessons it had been unable to teach me until then. My freedom lasted four minutes. If I’d had Nobody with me, he’d have noticed the car that I failed to until it was too late, so used to not even having to look before I crossed the road. The last thing I saw was his dark silhouette, standing motionless in the window overlooking the street.

#esta's OG!fiction

[mentalisttraceur-software]

I don't exactly dislike writing documentation, and I don't at all mind the effort and thinking that it takes, but I just hate how much time it takes to write documentation even remotely well.

And it's frustrating because in a very important way, the person who wrote the code is the worst person to document it. So the time inefficiency is very high.

The best person to document software is someone eager to get an informal explanation from the person who wrote it.

When I have just written a piece of software, I am literally mentally as far possible from someone who needs the documentation. I know exactly what my software does. I don't have any questions. All features, quirks, and caveats of the interface and any side-effects are equally unsurprising.

To assume the perspective of a person who actually needs to be helped by the docs, to see what could be better with the docs, is far more expensive to the fresh author than anyone else.

I often have set my software aside long enough to start forgetting what it does, or go through several rounds of trying to explain it to others, before I can see what the docs need to be - any docs I previously forced out of myself are usually revealed to be bad once that happens.

I do seem to be getting better at that... the first pass of README for my Python macaddress library still holds up after a few years, I think.

But even so, it's exhausting how time-consuming it is. Does everyone have to take this long? Probably not, but it just rarely comes easy for me. I have to write stuff, re-read it a little bit later, a little fresher, while trying to put on a different mental angle, see flaws - the misinterpretation potentials, the omissions of why it matters, spots where detail or focus is unnecessary, engineer a different wording or examples, rinse and repeat.

And it feels frustrating to not spend that time now, to just put it aside and not force it until one day suddenly the explanation flows... Because documentation is the main step between done and Done - between having a thing that works and any actual benefits of a having thing that works which involve other people. Because if I don't force it, something really nice like git-cotree will just sit indefinitely - sharing things doesn't actually accessibly share it with anyone unless you also explain/present/demo/market it.

#software #software development #software documentation #software frustrations

[itsdannysworld]

Southern Heat

i wrote this two months ago while stoned out of my mind soooooooo haha have fun reading :)  (tbh its just a rough draft, i promise not all of these will be shitty)

summary; you and jake have a wholesome friends to lovers moment  content warnings: a lil alcohol use but not too much. just a tiny lil bit. cursing? idk idk is that an important cw? oh yeah a kiss or two

Hey y/n, when are you gonna get here? Nashvilles boring without our sunshine

You picked up your phone after hearing it buzz, the message being from Josh. Your best friend who happens to be a famous singer for a famous band that is currently touring. You’ve known him and his brothers (including Danny) ever since they made the big move to Nashville. It all started at a small coffee shop around the corner from your apartment. You had just set down all your stuff after picking up your order from the counter, when the group came in. They just had a vibe about them, one that you were intoxicated by. You watched them on and off as they bought their respective drinks and settled into one of the big couches. Before you knew what you were doing you shut your laptop and walked over to them, it was a rare moment of confidence but once they realized you were coming over to them you knew you couldn’t turn back.  “I just wanted to say y’all have cool vibes, and nice peace sign necklace, I have one just like it.” You said pointing to who you now know as Danny. “Well thank you for the wonderful compliment of our vibes!” The one with the curly hair said dramatically, just before the one with dark hair could respond.  His smile was infectious, something that could easily light up a room.  “You are very welcome!” You said with an equally dramatic tone. Turning to walk away you hear a “Hey, wait! You should come sit with us, we’re not too familiar with the city.” The one with long hair said. He looked almost identical to the one with curly hair. “Oh uh, sure! Gimme a sec,” you went to grab your things, quickly running through every possible scenario of what could happen in your head. What’s the worst that could happen? Making that decision to sit with them was the best decision you had made in awhile, you all became fast friends and you were more than happy to support them in their musical endeavors. You got especially close with Josh and spent most of your time with him, you started to consider him your platonic soulmate. However, being close with him allowed him to find out a huge secret of yours, that you liked his brother. “No fucking way, you like Sam?” He said drunkenly. We went through a whole bottle of wine and he was obviously feeling it. “No dingus, I like Jake.” You blushed putting your hands to your face. The shock on his face freaked you out, but the shock was quickly replaced with one of his signature smiles. “You need to tell him! He’s been crushing on you since forever. It’s getting annoying for everyone to deal with.” You rolled your eyes at the comment.  “I don’t believe you, at all.”  “Too bad, guess you’ll never have Jakey boy”

You read Josh’s text and quickly responded telling him you’d be over in a minute. To say you were nervous was an understatement, you were practically shitting yourself at the thought of seeing Jake. You quickly finished putting all of your jewelry on and saying goodbye to Bonnie, the small dog you had rescued from the shelter last July. Jake was there with you, and it was the last time you had seen him in person. Y’all tried to keep in touch but between his touring schedule and your work schedule, you haven’t talked to him in a few weeks. You walked out the door and quickly started up your car, heading towards their house. You plugged your phone into the aux cable and shuffled your playlist, a mix of Orville Peck and Arctic Monkeys playing through your speakers. You tried to mentally prepare yourself to see them, but seeing as the drive to their house from your apartment was 10 minutes, you didn’t have enough time to get rid of all the anxiety that plagued you. You pulled into their driveway and instantly all of the memories y’all had shared together came flooding back. Danny driving you home from a drunken night at their house, Josh and you having deep talks on the porch at 1am, Sam and you hotboxing your car, and finally Jake and you going to the store to buy god knows what. You were blasting music and had all the windows down, the thick southern heat swarming around you. That night was when you knew deep down that you were in love with him.  You got out of the car and knocked on the door, excited yet nervous to see everyone behind it. “Y/n! It’s so good to see you.” Josh wrapped his arms around you, picking you up and swinging you around a little. “I missed you too Josh” You said with a laugh. You walked further in the house and quickly hugged everyone. Their hugs were top-tier, something you definitely missed when they went on tour. It was finally Jake’s turn to hug you, and it was the warmest one of them all. “I missed you y/n, I’m sorry for not texting you more.” “I missed you too Jake, and truly don’t worry about it, I understand your busy rockstar schedule.” You said as you roll your eyes, faking annoyance. “You know, if I had the chance to talk to you all day while I was on tour, I would’ve taken it.” What he said took you by surprise, was he trying to be romantic or was it fully platonic? You struggled to find words, but finally landed on “I would have come if you had asked.” Finally you looked around the two of you, realizing that everyone has migrated to the kitchen. He must’ve noticed too as he motioned for you to go in front of him towards everyone. When you walked into the kitchen everyone was standing around the island talking. There were a couple more people there, mainly friends with some family mixed in. You went with Jake towards the fridge knowing they would probably have some cheap beer, you weren’t in the mood for anything stronger. “So, how’s it been while touring?” You said as he handed you beer. “It’s been good, it’s kind of weird coming back and not having much to do. It’s good seeing everyone here though, I missed being around people that aren’t my brothers or the crew.” You nodded. While he was talking y’all had ended up sitting on the porch. He started to share stories about the tour, most of which seemed unbelievable. After talking for a few hours (and many drinks later) the conversation had taken a turn towards relationships.  “There’s no way you didn’t find anyone while on tour? You went all over the world! Plus you’re a rockstar, so it’s probably easy for you to get a girl.”  “Nope, didn’t want any of them. Don’t get me wrong, there were many girls that wanted me, but none caught my eye” He said with a cocky grin. “You seeing anyone?” You shook your head no. You didn’t want to see anyone unless they were him, but there was no way that was going to happen. “Why not?” “None caught my eye I guess.” You said repeating what he said earlier.  “I guess there is one person who I kind of think is cool. In a relationship way.” The words tumbled out of your mouth before thinking about them. You had many worries about how this could play out, but alcohol is considered liquid courage for a reason. “Really? Well now you gotta tell me.” You froze, you knew he was going to ask it, but the small amount of confidence you had faded quickly, and you suddenly realized the full consequences that could come with this. He may never want to be friends again. He may feel the same. Our friendship may be awkward because of this. Will I lose everyone if he rejects me? “Well don’t pussy out on me now Y/n” He said with a laugh. “Nevermind, they don’t matter.” “You don’t get to back out that easily. Tell me who it is?” The s in “is” was drawn out. You shook your head. “C’mon y/n! You can’t just not tell me now. I’ll tell you who I like!”  “Deal, but close your eyes.” He looked at you weird but then agreed, shutting his eyes.  “I’m so sorry if I ruin things by doing this.” You said as you leaned in and gently pecked his lips. His eyes shot open and you immediately push yourself back, saying as many apologies as you could. He pulled you back in and gave you a much more passionate kiss, one that was much needed. Your worries faded away. When y’all finally separated you heard whoops and hollers from the kitchen. Your face flushed pink but despite the audience you went back for one more kiss.

I’m glad I didn’t pussy out 

#jakegvf #joshgvf #dannygvf #samgvf #greta van fleet fic #fanfic #firstpost #greta van fleet

[thetearsofadove]

I honestly love writing and writing for other people, but after doing it for years and seeing just how rude people can be is really making me reconsider releasing my writing for other people.

I love fanfiction. I've been writing it for almost 10 years. Started when I was 12, I'm 21 and turning 22 in February. I've blossomed. Fanfiction, both reading and writing it, has helped me grow as an author.

So obviously I'm going to want to share it with people. But...my god, it's become a horrible experience every time I've tried.

First, the entitlement that I see from readers. Sometimes, even from fellow writers. I don't know what's worse; when a reader is being an entitled douche, or a fellow writer.

Stop clogging my inbox with "UPDATE!! UPDATE!!" or things along the lines of begging me to update. I have a life. I have animals to tend to, I have money to make, I have mental health to keep in line. I'll update when I get to it. And if I don't? Apologies. But don't make it worse by making me panic.

I was nice enough to release free shit for you. Show me respect.

Also, stop telling authors what to write. Stop dictating what they should be writing. They don't have to write for a specific audience if they don't want to.

I wrote for DBD at one point and stopped because one asshole spammed me saying "write for Adam!! Horrible author, won't write for Adam".

I was going to in the future, I only started writing a few of the characters so I could work my way up. But I gave up.

Go find a writer that suits your tastes instead of insulting and demanding a random ass author to do it for you. Or, better yet? Do it yourself. We cannot read your mind, we have no idea what you want.

Wattpad is one of the worst sites for this. As a writer? Fuck Wattpad. Some of its users are so immature and entitled, it's insane.

I also cannot stand how people treat authors/writers like we're just these emotionless writing machines. I've specifically stated I am not taking requests right now, it's on my profile, so why are y'all sending me requests after I've stated they make me anxious and make me feel pressured? I left my ask box open for questions, that's it. I'm urged to now close it.

Authors/fanfiction writers are writing stuff for YOU for free. I am more than happy to write. I write for fandoms I'm not too involved in. I educate myself about said fandoms and characters in those fandoms so I can write them the best I can. I do it for YOU. Stop treating me like I'm not a human behind the screen with a life.

Also the lack of manners drives me fucking INSANE. Say please and thank you. Show some appreciation instead of "write this 4 me kthanx". It feels horrible, and like I said above, I am not some emotionless AI that writes for you. I have feelings. I spend an hour at the least out of my day writing for YOU when I could be writing for myself, drawing, watching my favourite TV shows...whatever.

Like...in general, be nice. Be kind. You wanna request? Add a please and thank you. Don't pressure authors. Also, don't make authors feel like they're responsible for your moods. I've been guilt tripped with "write this bc I feel sad and if you won't, I'll be more sad and it'll be your fault :((" and it makes me feel horrible.

I gave up writing for people in the past because I am let down every. single. time. It's 2023, fanfiction has existed for a VERY long time, the fact that being kind, patient and understanding isn't common knowledge is mind boggling.

Also? Get to know me a little bit, ffs. I have emotions. I have interests. Don't use me for just my work. It feels awful when I post something rambling about an interest or asking a QUESTION and I end up being ignored. It's fucking horrible.

#this is a vent but you can rb if you relate to this #writing #fanfiction #x reader #i get a lil heated in here i'm sorry lol #do not reblog or reply w/ arguments because idgaf and you will be blocked #let me vent. let a writer vent #vent #tw vent #vent post #i'm just fed up ykwim #speaking up for the fellow authors #cause after nearly a decade of poor treatment i am Tired with a capital T

[incorrect-koh-posts]

First of all - love the blog! You posting KoH content always pleases me, and thank you especially for sharing what you write as that takes extra courage.

Now, headcanon asks! Raymond of Tripoli is my favourite character of the era as well, so I'm happy to see some bits about him here. Also great is the fact that you seem to vibe with him quite well! He would be pleased. Could you indulge me, please?

☼ - appearance headcanon ♒ - cooking/food headcanon ☆ - happy headcanon ■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

(When I had my car crash and a limp with it, he came to mind and that is just amusing in a way. The fact he's got one certainly makes me feel better about mine. I was warmed by the earlier post that said he doesn't mind his that much either.)

thanks!

Hi :) Thank you very much for your kind words, it really means a lot to hear that someone enjoys what I post here. Especially the non-Baldwin stuff. Good old Raymond has been living rent-free in my head for the past two years and simply refuses to leave, so I'm glad there are other people who like him and that I'm not screaming into the void like a raving lunatic.

Having a car crash sounds absolutely horrifying to me, though. I very much hope you are okay now. If not, then all my best wishes to you ❤ I've thankfully never had a limp or any serious health issues myself, so I'll limit myself to saying that I don't think these things are anything to be ashamed of. Claiming that they don't affect a person's life in some way would be lying, but we are all of us supposedly "damaged" in some way - whether inwardly or outwardly - and trying to make the best of it under our individual circumstances.

And I think that's why a lot of people feel drawn to the character of Baldwin (and, to a lesser extent, to Tiberias) in Kingdom of Heaven. It's the kind of "this man has been through a lot but he's still standing" mentality that they both exhibit. Which is particularly interesting in regard to Tiberias, since none of the historical sources ever mention Raymond having a limp or an old injury bothering him.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I'm very happy to indulge you, so let's get on with the headcanon : )

RAYMOND III OF TRIPOLI (Part 2)

☼ Appearance

In terms of looks, Raymond knows he's been dealt a better hand than most other men. Tall and slim, he is rather handsome even after ten years of captivity; and even though his sharp, wolfish features and the scar marring the right side of his face can make him appear somewhat sinister, the soft brown eyes tell a different story. Still, while his height and harsh face have mostly served him well in politics and in war, Tiberias is quite aware that his appearance is not one that instantly inspires trust. The worst things he has heard others say on that topic over the years were that he looked "scrawny", "like a burnt carcass", and "older than he should be". He shrugged it off then; but sometimes, when he passes one of Sibylla's mirrors in the palace and catches a glimpse of his own reflection, he wonders at his crow's feet and the flecks of grey in his hair and for the life of him cannot fathom where all the years have gone.

In any case, he always makes sure he is well-dressed and well-groomed. (Though he wouldn't admit to it, even an old war horse like him isn't entirely exempt from vanity.) He may not be everyone's type, but Raymond knows there are still a not inconsiderable number of ladies among Sibylla's court that wouldn't say no to him. Despite the silver at his temples and his ill-sorted leg, he is, after all, rather ... well-preserved. So when he notices a lady trying to catch his eye, there is a good chance he'll take her up on the unspoken offer of some harmless teasing and flirting. Tiberias isn't the philanderer Godfrey was, but sometimes he is glad to be reminded that the boyish charm hasn't worn off entirely just yet.

♒ Cooking / Food

William of Tyre wrote about Raymond that he was very moderate in his eating and drinking habits, much more restrained than the average man. Considering that it is unclear how well he was treated during his time as a prisoner in Aleppo, it seems unlikely to me that he was a picky eater - you don't survive this long as a captive of the enemy if you're particular about food. So, while his time in captivity may have led Reynald of Châtillon to overeating, perhaps for Raymond things went in the opposite direction: making him regard food as a means to an end and not much more. He simply lacks the enjoyment that for most people comes with a good meal, especially when he's dining alone, and often has to remind himself to eat something or else he'd just forget.

While the European style of cooking isn't much to his taste, Raymond is rather fond of the Arabic cuisine and actually keeps a Saracen cook at Tripoli. He generally leans more towards spicy than towards sweet; but find him some atrocity like candied ginger and he'll happily lick the sugar crumbs from his beard like a cat that found the cream. Other than that, Tiberias likes a good wine as much as anyone. To his own chagrin, however, he gets tipsy quite easily and thus tends to limit himself to a cup or two before he begins to make a fool of himself. Godfrey has a wealth of stories on that matter from their younger days which he likes to tell at the most inopportune of times, claiming that "even a nun could drink you under the table, my friend". Tiberias denies everything.

☆ Happy

Raymond hasn't had the kindest of lives, so happiness isn't an emotion that comes easily to him - especially with the times being what they are, and the kingdom in such peril. Malicious gossip has it the Count of Tripoli is actually incapable of smiling: "With his dour face," they say, "surely he can't do aught but scowl". Which, of course, could hardly be further from the truth. Though, like any other lord of some importance, he tries to keep his temper in check around the clucking courtiers, Tiberias is a man who will openly show his happiness if he is in the right company. He is a man who likes to laugh and make merry; and perhaps he'd even be a happy man, if the circumstances were different.

There are many things that make this grumpy old knight happy. But seeing how used he is to doing things for other people, what he would probably appreciate the most would be someone doing something for him, for once. It could be something as simple as his lover helping him take off his boots after a long day; or a friend whisking him away from his duties for an afternoon spent in the city or the falconer's mews or exploring the countryside on horseback; or just a heart-felt thank you from someone for some advice Tiberias gave them. The possibilities are practically endless. (Another favourite of his, though a rare occurrence, is when someone at a courtly gathering gives him unmistakable signals that they'd like to dance with him, even though everybody knows full well that the Count of Tripoli dances like a three-legged donkey at best.)

Depending on the setting and situation, Raymond will definitely show the ones he's with that he is happy - and not merely by way of a twinkle in his eye. He can get downright giddy when the occasion allows for it. If he is really over the moon, he'll grin broadly and laugh his barking laugh, only to then either fiercely pat the closest man's back or sweep the nearest woman off her feet and into a very tight embrace. It happens rarely, but it does happen. He has heard from quite a few people over the years that one of their favourite things about him are the long, deep dimples that appear on either side of his mouth when he smiles.

■ Bedroom / House / Living Quarters

Raymond has quite a few dwellings, actually. There are his chambers at the palace of Jerusalem, plus very likely a house he keeps in the city for when he has guests of his own, then there is Castle Tiberias by the Sea of Galilee, and his ancestral home of Tripoli. Hence, a lot of space to decorate.

His living quarters at the royal palace are rather sparsely furnished; he seldom entertains visitors or spends much time there, and the state of his rooms reflects that he basically only comes there to sleep. They're nice enough - with painted tiles on the walls and gauzy curtains, ferns on the windowsills and flagstone floors that stay cool even in summer - but impersonal.

Castle Tiberias is Eschiva's domain; it's her home, after all, and since Raymond only married her about a dozen years ago, the place doesn't really say much about him, either. That's not to say that it isn't beautiful, though. As Eschiva's ancentors likely came from somewhere near Paris, the castle is more Norman in its architecture and interiors. Overlooking the Sea of Galilee, the castle gardens never lack for water, and the view of the lake at sunset, strewn with the tiny boats of the fishermen from the neighbouring villages, is quite a sight to behold. At night, with the wooden shutters flung open, Raymond falls asleep to the sound of the waves lapping at the shore, reminding him of home.

The Citadel of Saint-Gilles at Tripoli is the place closest to Raymond's heart. Built on Mons Peregrinus, you can see the dark waters of the Mediterranean from the top of its parapets, hear the seagulls cry and smell the salt in the air. With his parents constantly at odds with one another, it wasn't always a happy childhood that he spent there, but nowadays he often misses Tripoli and regrets not being able to go there more frequently. In terms of interiors, the citadel really leans into the mix of Eastern and European styles that also characterises the palace of Jerusalem. The colour scheme is much warmer, however: instead of the blue-ish hues which you'll find in Jerusalem, Tripoli is full of the reds and golds that make up the coat-of-arms of the Counts of Saint-Gilles. The rafters of the high rooms as well as a great deal of furniture are made from dark wood, and there are lots of eclectic fabrics and textures that Tiberias is actually rather fond of. In his private chambers, high up in one of the towers, Arabic elements dominate; he has a great carved four-poster bed that could do with some more pillows, and during winter nights, the lord of the house can often be found reading in one of the high-backed chairs, his long legs stretched out towards the crackling fireplace.

When left to his own devices, Tiberias does tend to be a bit of a clutterbitch, so his desk, side tables and even the mantelpiece are usually strewn with scrolls, seals, and papers and all sorts of other curiosities acquired here and there. He keeps his father's sword, which is too unwieldy for him to use, displayed on a wall in his solar; and most of the hangings found throughout the castle used to belong to his mother, depicting scenes from her favourite French chansons de geste. It may be a place of ghosts and memories now, belonging to an aging, heirless lord who is scarcely there, but to Raymond, Tripoli is still home.

Part 1 of the Raymond / Tiberias headcanons

Want to hear my headcanons for a KoH character of your choice? Have a look here : )

#asks #ask games #kingdom of heaven 2005 #raymond iii of tripoli #tiberias #jeremy irons #headcanon meme #kingdom of heaven headcanons #i am so sorry this took me so long #this has been sitting in my drafts forever and i just didn't have the time to finish it #also i'm once again sorry that this got so utterly out of control #i wasn't aware i had so many opinions on raymond's interior decoration #anyway #receiving asks about my boy is always a special treat #so i hope you like what i came up with here #my writing #grumpy boy needs more love tbh

[hide-in-imagination]

12, 14, & 23 for the WIP ask game :D

Thank you!

I'll answer these based on Roads That Cross since that's the WIP you all know-- if anyone wants to ask about another I haven't posted yet, go ahead!

12. Will/do you have multiple drafts or versions of your WIP, and if so, what draft or version are you on right now?

Oof, oh my god. Um, well, as you all know I've been working on Roads for 5 years now, and I don't write in chronological order, so I've basically had 40 different Word documents on my folder for a long time, each for every future chapter. Some scenes have changed throughout the years, mainly because my writing has evolved and because I've gotten better ideas for them since the first time I ever came up with them. I usually just delete what I don't like and rewrite it, but, there are some scenes, especially from chapter 30 and afterward, that are very important and so I don't want to lose anything, no matter how it might no longer fit with the vision I currently have. For those scenes in particular I do keep the old drafts, usually at the bottom of the same document, so that I can go back to the original versions of it and maybe rescue some sentences or feelings that I consider important. Sometimes, it's not about the scene not working out but that I have a lot of different ways that it could go, and they all work in their own way, but I know I'll eventually have to choose just one or mix it all into one because I can't have 10 different versions of the same conversation kjsdn (yes, they're usually dialogue scenes that get the most drafts.) Um, I'd say those scenes are in version #3 by this point ? The oldest dating from 2018 or 2020, then some changes in 2021, and... I can't remember if the last time I touched them was this year or last year. But yeah, that about sums it up🙌🏻

14. What has been the hardest thing about working on this WIP so far?

Not losing motivation, I'd say. It's been a long journey. I'm constantly reading other fics since that's my favorite way of passing time, and while that's partly good for my creativity, it is also kind of discouraging because I'm constantly just seeing people writing way better than I do, and way faster than I do at that, so when you see someone cooking 7k words chapters every week, you kind of look at yourself and go Damn, what the hell am I doing?

It's a little sad to realize you don't really have a talent so you have to work 10 times harder just to reach the level of someone that whips out 12k words like it's nothing. Of course, I could defend myself saying they're writing in their native language while I'm not, but honestly, I know it wouldn't make a difference. My writing would still be the same if I wrote in Spanish, and, in fact, I think it would take me even longer to write because I would be cringing all the time ksjfskjd.

Anyway, in summary, keeping it going has been the hardest part, but I just try to remind myself that I don't need to be Shakespeare, and that, by this point, I just want to finish it so I can put it to rest, so it shouldn't be a big deal and I try not to let it affect me😂

23. What is the weirdest thing you’ve had to google for this WIP so far?

Oh my god, remember "With a new perspective" ? I spent months, MONTHS, googling about bathrooms 🤣🤣🤣 I JUST- again, English is not my first language, so I wasn't sure how to describe the things in Ámbar's bathroom, and hell- not even in Spanish I knew how to call some stuff 😂 Plus, first I had to come up with a mental image of it, so I went on a deep dive on Google Images, Pinterest, etc. And when I found something that I liked, then I had to discover how that specific shape of furniture was called. I became an expert on all the kinds of bathtubs there is 😂😂 I was so insane that my best friend even joked about it, sending me tiktoks "just so you can look at the bathroom" 🤣🤣 The worst part is, the bathroom descriptions weren't even important in that chapter compared to everything that was going on😂😂 But for me it was really important that everyone knew Ámbar had a ceiling-to-sink, wall-wide mirror and that she calls it "the usual bathroom mirror everyone has" because it was funny to me that she believes that's the normal when my bathroom mirror is literally like 40x20cms 😂😂

Anyway, I better stop ranting now. Thank you for the ask! <3

If anyone else wants to do it, the questions are right here.

#silver-inked #answered #ask games #fic related #c speaks

[cantillat-moved]

TEN Q’S:

1. when are you usually online? I’m mostly active at nights throughout the week. I have two jobs, one of them from home so once I finish a batch I can do a quick tumblr check up during the evening, but I also got another one at a physical location (I actually came back a few moments ago). I’m also free mostly at weekends, that is when I usually try to catch up with drafts, rps on discord and other stuff (including some gaming). Still, I’m easy to reach on discord at any time. If I’m awake or not at the job that requires my physical presence I can check and get to you as soon as I’m able to.

2. what verses are you involved in outside of this page? I have a bunch of AUs for Shirou, mostly focused on “routes”. He is a visual novel protagonist and his story varies with which partner he gets involved with, right? I got a few of these. I’m also working with @moonlightmagus a fairy Yuuki and knight Shirou which is the most “out there” one. Some of my partners are interested on my older muses so I’m considering “reviving” a few for something simpler. There was also a quick custom grail war with some friends from outside tumblr, it was great fun. Maybe we’ll do it again some other day, or maybe I could organize one and have an open invitation. I also have a few RPs going on with some old friends from before my tumblr days (we have a “campaign” with OCs in a Final Fantasy X setting that has been going on for 15 years on and off). I’m always open for AUs either here on tumblr or discord. There is something cozy about doing a 1x1 with people. 

3. what is your biggest RP pet peeve? I’m usually very chill about rp partners. It is very hard to get under my skin, but I think the worst offender is not communicating. It is ok to don’t know what to reply reply, feel free to contact me any time so we can brainstorm and maybe have an idea or two and either go from there or maybe move it somewhere else! There are always so many possibilities. Or jump to the next scene. If you are having trouble to understand my reply or if I wrote something that didn’t sit well with you, I won’t get upset if you tell me. I’ll actually be grateful to know your boundaries better and keep it in mind for the next time! Same goes for headcanons or anything really. Writing is a collaborative thing and I’m not here to make anyone uncomfortable or to throw curveballs (unless you want a challenge in writing, of course) And if it seems that I have dropped, maybe either tumblr ate it or my brain short-circuited or something. Feel free to message me. 

4. are you drawn to specific types of muses? I think I have a very eclectic assemble of muses for the most part. I got good beans, cynical assholes, cute mascots, ordinary teenage girl, Dracula… I just write what I vibe with and sometimes I have the mood to write something or another. But I do admit that I’m usually attracted to either brood or sass (or both). I admit the latter there is a fine line between sass and asshole and I try my best to don’t cross that line.

5. are there recurring themes in your writing that people might not notice? Hmmm… It depends on the source material. For example, Narukami’s story is about bounds and connecting with people, discovering oneself and moving throughout the fog – that, in this particular case, are falsehoods and illusions in our lives among the mish-mash of information overload, rumors and other circumstances. Shirou and FSN in general is about loneliness, the desire to connect with others, to pretend to be “normal” while dealing with being alone and struggling with the mental traumas. Also the concept of what is inherently “good” or “evil”. Oh, but I also try to incorporate a lot of philosophy from kyudou and Buddhism in general to his way of life in subtle ways. And, of course, how the way he grew up also makes him misread people – and that also leads people to think he isn’t too bright (he is mostly oblivious tho). I’ve always been big on meta analysis and he gives me plenty of opportunity of doing it in a coveted way to enrich my writing. The tl;dr is that it really depends on the muse and it makes me very happy when people mention in private things they notice. 

6. what are your favorite RP trends? I love the incorrect quote meme, and the “x has appeared” is always a recipe for some fun things going on. Having a pinned post with easy access to rules and info in general is always nice too, the pinned post was one of the best things that tumblr ever implemented just saying. And … Uh… I like the backquotes thingie. I think it is neat. (and it also seems to make the tumblr wonky mobile formatting less frequent).

7. what is your process for starting a new story with someone?  The easiest way to start a new story with someone are memes, as they offer easy ice breakers and sometimes interesting scenarios that I wouldn’t be sure that my partner is interested in. As in it would never cross my mind to even ask because it wouldn’t be something in our radar, you know? Another way, of course, is DMing and gushing over our muses. Some of my usual partners can attest to that. I also love unpromted asks, even if sometimes I’m slow as molasses to get to them.

8. how do you feel about duplicates? I usually don’t mind duplicates for my muse. I actually had fun twin verses with other muses! Like how Air ( @venusbeautyshock ) and I had a Hajime and Izuru twins AU for Danganronpa, and how Kay ( @mistermxrgan ) and I had two Bigby Wolf from The Wolf Among Us/Fables just meme-ing around and being two gruff wolves tired with everybody’s shit. It is always so interesting to read the different takes and , of course, meeting with someone with good taste is also a positive! However! I did have a very bad experience not too long ago with someone interacting with me, then ghosting me after making a duplicate and stealing my headcanons. If I have become less prone to share resources for the muses I’m currently RPing as, that’s why.

9. how long have you been involved in roleplaying? On tumblr I started in 2013, but in general since 1997-ish with Vampire the Masquerade, GURPs and the 2nd and 3rd editions of dnd. And then online around 2000-2001.

10. is there a muse or verse you wish you could write in, but haven’t? Right now I’m pretty satisfied. I have a few wishlists for my muses but not anything extremely specific or that I hasn’t been planning or about to start with someone.  Maybe something Star Wars? I think it is the only big thing I hasn’t dipped my toes yet. 

ᴛᴀɢɢᴇᴅ ʙʏ: @more-than-a-princess ᴛᴀɢɢɪɴɢ: @ryogai , @lyriccl , @xdcwntherabbithole , @pcrdiseseekers , @moonlightmagus , @sparklymuses , @maledicti-oculi , @chainedbystories , @failinaut , @lunaetis​ , @capravulpes​ , @tricksheart​ , @luckynatured​ , @gamenu​ , @lachrymosestorm​ , @of-omnitrixes-and-servants​ and you

#. meme reply

[petriform]

my album "ultramarine" turned five years old yesterday. its name refers to the color of the photo that comprises its album art.

at the time i released this album, i hadn't released anything of significance that wasn't chiptune in about four years. the last such release was "brown plaid," the spiritual predecessor to this album.

("brown plaid" was also a december release, but don't worry - no anniversary posts for that one until next year, when it turns ten.)

that album was slow, personal, vulnerable. naturally, to my mind, this one Had™ to be slower, more personal, and more vulnerable in order to be "worth it." and that's okay, because i was in the space to do that.

see, within those four years since "brown plaid," i had:

begun to lean heavily into chiptunes for my live sets due to a number of factors, phasing out non-chiptune songs from my setlists

released two full-length chiptune albums ("veneer," "don't worry, you're great!")

gotten to do a lot of really cool stuff i would've never imagined as a result of said leaning into chiptunes

but the latter part of that period existed in overlap with an era of my life that i spent wounded and miserable. i was under an incredible amount of stress, staring into that feedback-looping void of capitalism being ready and willing to discard me. medical issues were popping up. the mental health care i had access to ranged from mediocre at best to abysmal at worst - for as long i had access to it at all, that is.

i wrote most of "don't worry, you're great!'' during this period as affirmations for myself because i desperately needed them, and i hoped that those songs could help others in that way. (some people have been kind enough to share with me that they really did, which i appreciate beyond measure.)

that same energy went into "ultramarine" - but instead of affirmation, it was for validation; validation of the more cynical feelings and experiences that weighed heavily upon me at the time. so to go back and release something like that was daunting because not only was it Not Chiptune at a time i'd come to be known for being Very Chiptune, more importantly, it felt like a betrayal of those who found something to connect with in the optimism of "don't worry, you're great!" i still kind of feel this way, to be honest. that's part of why i haven't gone back to celebrate this one very often. this was the first album for which i declined to press CDs, and i've never performed any of the songs live. hell, it's not even up on my youtube (fixing that soon).

but there's a lot in there that's special, i think. i go off-vocoder in almost every song, and it's easily my most vocal album in that manner. i mean, the first track is fully-acapella save for a sustained string chord! and having not followed it up, it's still very easily my most personal and vulnerable album. given the circumstances of the time, it might stay that way.

in retrospect, would i do some things differently? yeah. five years of music production experience later, the album sounds about five years of production experience worse. that's fine. i regret chickening out and revising the lyrics of songs like "precious" to be more optimistic than i truly felt. i didn't want people to worry about me. i guess it worked out.

anyway, i should stop before i go on too long. "ultramarine" is unique in my discography for a number of reasons, and it'll remain so (even with the spiritual sequel it's getting). five years out, i can say i'm glad i released it, despite everything.

listen to and download "ultramarine" for free / name-your-price here.

#long post #ultramarine

[m0tel6mxzzy]

Do you have any tips for when you’re feeling really depressed/suicidal??

hi anon thank u for talking to me. i really hope you feel better and i’m sorry you’re struggling atm. at the end of the day i get how you feel but at the same time it’s really best you consider mental health resources (available to u if possible) because a professional u have more access to would be a much more reliable fit compared to me

1. go to therapy whenever you feel you have the resources. the therapist has to be someone u mesh well with and you feel like they listen to you rather than invalidating you. honestly what helped when my depression was at its worst was talking to my therapist, and she suggested changing my meds bc zoloft wasn’t working and prozac was a better fit. i’m from the us and my therapy is cheaper, like $35 dollars per session w/ flexible hours which i’m lucky for. i have no idea where you’re from and how it would apply to you but please do consider therapy if it’s available to you because the right therapist helps w depression immensely

2. create something. today i was feeling really down so i painted and stuff. draw. write. paint. it’s not even my best work, but it made me feel a lot better.

3. honestly like…find a movie you can watch that makes you happier or feel better when you’re down. when i was at my lowest i would watch twilight and it would cheer me up. not something super sad and intense, but something that is meant for escaping. but at the same time don’t let that movie meant for escaping for a little while cause you to neglect responsibilities and stuff like school/work

4. journal your feelings. the good and the bad. you can write, go to sleep, and wake up the next day feeling completely different. maybe u might feel shitty one day, read over what you wrote, and realize you feel slightly different even if not completely ok.

also if you’re having suicidal thoughts and feel like you might do something, in some areas (i’m from the us) they do wellness checks where a mental health professional contact police and they do their best to deescalate the situation and get you to a hospital to be evaluated safely and determine if hospitalization is recommended for you. there was a long process where nurses were asking me a bunch of stuff related to my history of mental illness. i’m 18 so i had to sign the consent form to accept hospitalization, whereas if i was a minor it would’ve been up to my parents i think. the cops asked me if i wanted to ride with them, but i was so distressed i said no, and they just let my parents drive me to the hospital while following the cops. and cops stress me and probably anyone the fuck out but they were very nice.

my only advice from that situation is that you should tell someone that you actually have a plan or ideation as you intend to follow before doing it. like, i would rather you explain that you’re scared you might do something and get the help you need now rather than after you’ve been put in danger

anyway please take care anon and be safe

#anon asks

[the---hermit]

Medicine is not kicking in and I'm in pain and tired (is this relevant?, no) so I need to occupie my brain in other things and my brain have questions and I'm sorry.

- What's your favourite and least favourite form of coffee?

- If you could re start over what major would you choose.? (Can't choose your current one, sorry brain rules)

- what's the most romantic thing you have ever done for someone and viceversa?

- Will you ever do a face reveal?

- what's your least favourite pasta? (Is it wrong to asume all Italians like pasta?)

- What's your worst irrational fear?

- Do you see yourself getting married and kids and all that stuff that a general public wants.

- Do you believe in LDRs work?

You do NOT need to answer at all I'm just typing without a filter.

Hello! I hope you'll feel better anon, happy to keep you company! I'll answer in order without copy all the questions, I'm lazy, sorry about that.

My go to coffee is a very simple espresso (how Italian of me I know, but it's so good). I really do not like americano coffee, I know with espresso you just get a couple of sips, but it gives me much more satisfaction than a big mug. I feel like americano has not the strong taste I link to coffee, I don't know it's probably what I am used to.

If I couldn't pick history/historical sciences again I'd probably study herbalism/herbal science no idea what's the name in English. To be really honest with you I'd like to do a course one day, aybe not a full degree but at least a small class on herbalism would be a dream.

I'm not the most romantic creature on this Earth, and I have never been in a relationship so I'll have to pick something in old friendships I had. Well, to really dig in the past, when I was in middle school I had this best friend (the fact that only years later our friendship ended I realized I very probably had feelings for her is a whole another story) and I know it will sound very stupid but she did not have a stable internet connection in her home, so what I did everyday, and I reapeat everyday, I wrote her emails like little letters with music I found, and idk whatever cute image a 12 yo can share with her friend, and I use to write little stories for her. Then when she came to my place we would go through them, and I just remember my joy of seeing her reading all the crap I wrote her, very lame but it holds a special place in my heart. Additionally another thing I did for another ex-friend of mine many many years after that was a personalized journal. She was struggling with her mental health so I custumed a journal for her to both work some stuff out and to get her spirits up a bit. Do these two very random yet specific things answer your question? No idea, you'll tell me.

I highly doubt I'll do a face reveal. Never say never but I hate taking pictures of myself, and I am not really a big social person, or else I wouldn't be on tumblr, would I?

We do eat a lot of pasta. What I have always found really funny is that non-Italians often consider pasta a dish to make in special occasions, or something that takes effort, here if you invite someone over at the very last minute you usually apologize because you can just cook a quick pasta and that's it. Anyway this is not what you asked me, I do not like big pasta like paccheri for example, and for a very specific reason, it get cold quicker, and I like my dishes to be as hot as possible. If with your question you meant what is my least favourite sauce I don't eat any kind of cheese so anything with that.

I am pretty scared of water, I can't swim so big bodies of water are not my thing, and for some reason the idea of drowning sounds like one of the worse possible deaths. I'm trying to think other irrational fears I have but I can't think of any at the moment, I surely have more.

I am not opposed to marriage, but I don't really feel the need, does that make sense? I mean I consider marriage more of a useful thing in terms taxes and other practical stuff, but emotionally or ideally it's just not something I care. If you love someone and feel good around them having a wedding ring won't change that. So you could say I am pretty indifferent to that, as for kids I absolutely do not want any. I am terrible with infants, I do not want that responsability thank you very much.

Starting with the fact that I just googled LDR, and assuming google isn't lying to me and that means long distance relationships, I think it really depends on the people involved. I don't know I personally would be able to make that work, but as I mentioned I have never been in a relationship before so I don't know if I could make anything work.

I ended up answering to all of them (I think?). I always have fun with these things, and hey you also kept me company with all this stuff! As I said I hope you'll feel better, and when you need distraction I am more than happy to help! Have a good night/day!

(I typed this quite quickly and I did not reread it, which means there will be lots of mistakes, pretend there aren't thanks)

#i never had such a long ask but it was fun #ask #asked #asks #answered #anon #random facts about me I guess #cris speaks #the---hermit

[spectralscathath]

1 and 10 for Devil and the Huntsman?

oho, now this is an interesting choice~ (under a readmore because true to form I ramble the second I get to talk anything literature)

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Okay so I'm not entirely sure what this question is asking but I'm going to answer what I think it's asking. I basically wrote this long oneshot in what I call my Gothic Style of thought process, slightly different to my usual sense of prose that I use for most other oneshots/longer fics, though I think the differences are a bit hard to see, it's more of a General Vibe, and the reason I wrote it this way is because of the whole setting and subject matter.

Make no mistake, this fic is one of my darkest oneshots out there. General trigger warnings for anyone who hasn't read it yet, this fic contains very frank discussions/implications of sexual assault (nothing explicitly shown but its There), abuse, mental torture, imprisonment, forced marriage, and what I would consider a touch of tasteful gore though your mileage may vary on that one. And yes, Salem causes all of this, because she is Literally The Worst (fascinating character, absolutely evil, lots to explore)

Because I was writing it in my Gothic Mindset, I tried to make the atmosphere of the piece (not the subject matter) as tempting and alluring, as it was deeply messed up, because that kind of weird mix of beauty and horror builds a sort of tension in the words that is my absolute favourite thing about writing horror. Because when that tension breaks, and when the bad stuff happens, it's another layer of contrast. And, I hope I got this across, also a strange catharsis.

And that energy, that contrast of artistic intrigue to explore dark topics, that is often what makes good horror to me. That is Dracula, that is The Thing, that is Alien and The Colour Out of Space and The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde to me. That is Salem to me. That is what I want to bring to the table whenever I write her. Because Salem is a monster, a very regal, graceful, and elegant monster, but a monster nonetheless. And having her take the idea of classic romantic literature tropes and twisting them into a nightmare for James, just seemed fitting. My intention is not to romanticise the horror, but to horror-cise the romantic, so to speak.

James I'm so fucking sorry I'll make it up to you in Antares, I swear

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Ah yes, Irondeath, Ironwood/Salem, definitely not a first choice of pairing most people would think of. Mostly it started because someone I knew used to make jokes about it, and the idea just sank into my head as 'what-if'.

And, I mean, it kinda works? Catch me watching that volume 7 scene which is the one and only time they fucking talk (i loathe you crwby) and their personalities clash in such a fascinating way. Salem is at her scariest when she's kind, and Ironwood is so strong-willed, I just think it would be a fascinatingly toxic dynamic to explore. And so I did! Also, contrasting aesthetics that still look great together? yes please. and they both had the best vocal performances of the atlas arc like go off king and queen we love to see it

#asks #rwby

[narcissasdaffodil]

Songs for your LIs

Thanks for the tag @banirareiko @thatwheelchairchick and @follies-fixture

Tagging @sailorpleiades @hopeshoodie @notasdriedapricots and @starsarestars Hopefully you haven’t already been tagged in this! I’m exceptionally shit at remembering who hasn’t been tagged, and participating in these things in general. I’m exceptionally boring with these things, as I have one core song per LI, and that’s literally it. This is going to get long, and analytical, that’s part of the reason it’s took me so long to write this thing! This is all Taylor Swift, and I doubt that’s a surprise.

Marisol:

Delicate by Taylor Swift:

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

I absolutely adore this song. And Taylor Swift in general, but that much is obvious. Delicate is my favourite song on Reputation, and I related to it when I was at my worst in the past. It gave me inspiration to start rebuilding, and means so much to me. I do associate Marisol herself with my own recovery process. I’m not going into details, but I was in a very dark place with my mental health and autistic burnout three or four years ago, and it’s taken me a while to rebuild. Autistic burnout is definitely no joke, and it’s difficult to recover from. Having LITG and Marisol herself there really helped me start to rebuild.

Also, I’m not great with hidden meanings, but someone pointed out years ago that this song is similar to the start of her route. I agree, after Rocco everything’s all rocky, then even though she’s scared, she starts something new with MC. Pushing past the fear of something new, and being rejected is hard, and I remember how excited I was when her route properly started. I know I was scared to let myself recover, as I didn’t know who I even was without my mental health stuff. I still don’t, not really. My personality is a mystery to me, and I’m still learning who I even am.

I headcanon that Marisol hasn’t had much experience with women, so Delicate being a song about being terrified to give yourself up to someone new fits well for her. She has tall walls, and reminds me of a pineapple, or a cat with her claws out. It’s all about finding someone who’s willing to risk getting scratched or clawed, and helping her learn to trust someone new. MC is her best friend in the Villa, so she’s terrified of losing her closest friend. She has Hope and Bobby too, but MC has a special place in her heart. That fear of letting herself go or allowing herself to be vulnerable is very understandable.

Lucas

The Archer by Taylor Swift:

I've been the archer,

I've been the prey

Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

Yet another Taylor Swift song! This is my other song link, I only have them for Marisol and Lucas, not for my other LIs. This one reminds me of Casa Amor, and how Lucas’ anxiety caused him to bring back Blake. He became doubtful of MC’s loyalty after Blake messed with his head. This song shows how he let his insecurities get the better of him, and how he wants to trust MC, but he can’t after Blake put those insecurities into his head. I even wrote a fic linked to this song for him, too. It’s my favourite song on Lover by far, and Lover is one of my favourite albums of hers.

Both of them

New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift:

Don't read the last page

But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

Hold on to the memories

They will hold on to you

And I will hold on to you

This is the final song, and yet another Taylor Swift one! I’ve also used this for a Marisol fic previously, and this is one of my other favourites from Reputation. Call It What You Want is my third, I only like three Reputation songs. This song makes me think of the long term, how it’s a plan to always be in their life. How you want to hold on tightly to the person you care about, and how you care about them so deeply. This to me is a promise that they’ll stay despite their mistakes (Roccogate, and the making someone jealous crap with Marisol, and Casa Amor and Blake with Lucas) and they’ll find a way to work through it. It gives me hope that mistakes don’t mean it’s the end.

#litg #love island the game #litg marisol #litg lucas #tag games #LI songs