#i’m reflecting on all my past friendships and a lot of them ended because i always had one foot out of the door

[birthdayplant]

it’s so weird to be unconditionally loved by people and that i’m someone they want to be around often. it’s hard to “understand” a person’s reasons for loving me that much but maybe my problem is i don’t need to understand it in the first place and rather just accept it for what it is.

#let me be vulnerable in the tags real quick #i’m reflecting on all my past friendships and a lot of them ended because i always had one foot out of the door #some of them i had a right to do so but it still feels shitty bc i know what it’s like to be on the other end of a relationship like that #and i don’t want my future and current relationships to be like that anymore but it feels so instilled me to separate myself #to be alone and to not ask for help and to not open up about my life and to stay distant #like i have friends that love me so much and i always feel like there’s this wall i’ve built between us to protect myself #but the thing is what is it i’m so scared of and what am i protecting myself from? especially from people who have shown nothing but love #i always find a reason to leave and it’s not something i’m proud of and idk all i can do is change #ik it’s childhood shit and bpd and whatnot but girl help i need to break the pattern

[delumineight]

romione fic list

because it’s hard to find good ones

disclaimer, these are mostly all on ao3. this will be updated every now and then and open for suggestions !!! if you have any suggestions please reblog with them. this is an ongoing list that i will be adding to whenever i find something that i like enough to rec.

list below the cut, just so people who aren’t on my account or in the tags for this don’t have to see it.

rec list

the reasons by incalculablepower

— RATED T: background harry/ginny, past lavender/ron, a tad of inappropriate humor at the end, takes place at the end of sixth year or half-blood prince

SUMMARY: “As the school year comes to an end, it's time to reflect on the one that's passed and prepare for the next year. And with their two best friends otherwise occupied (that is, snogging all over the castle), that means a lot of quality time spent together...”

resistance of the mind by tuesday_piracy

— RATED G: background harry/ginny, current lavender/ron, pining hermione, black hermione, black lavender, takes place during christmastime sixth year or half-blood prince

SUMMARY: “Hogwarts is hosting a Winter Solstice Ball for their older students, and naturally, Ron and Lavender plan on attending together. However, as the night of the Ball arises, Ron is racked with familiar concerns over his attire, his looks, and his hair. So, naturally, he turns to Hermione, and she can't help but aid him. — Or: Hermione gives Ron a haircut. Absolutely nothing (something) happens.

anywhere with you by kieunlocked

— RATED G: takes place during deathly hallows during the horcrux hunt before ron leaves, discussing where they would rather be then in a damp tent in the middle of nowhere

“One-Shot of Ron and Hermione talking about places they’d rather be than the cold, miserable tent during the Horcrux Hunt. / “Though, to be honest I might rather be in the Potions dungeon right now than in this bloody cold tent any longer,” Hermione groaned, wrapping her arms around herself. / “Not the Potions dungeon, Hermione!” Ron said with mock disgust, slinging an arm around her easily, effortlessly. As if he’d done it a million times. And when Hermione thought about it, he really had been doing it quite a bit lately.”

don’t talk (put your head on my shoulder) by sarahxxxlovey

— RATED T: shell cottage, pre relationship, aftermath of torture, missing scene, takes place during deathly hallows

““I don’t know what I would’ve done if—” Ron said in an uncharacteristically tender voice, pulling away slightly to cover her cheeks with large hands, tears dripping down his nose. “I couldn’t— I thought I was going to lose my mind.” / “Me too,” she said, swallowing and nodding, looking up at him. “I didn’t think I could take it… I—” / Words failed her. She broke down into sobs again. / “Hermione,” he said, his voice cracking, kissing her wet cheek quickly before hugging her even tighter. “I’m just so glad you're okay.””

let the golden age begin by incalculablepower

— RATED T: missing scene, during lavender/ron, during apparation testing, maybe a tad and i mean tad bit of emotional cheating, as in people mistake them for boyfriend and girlfriend and neither of them make corrections, half-blood prince, sixth year

“A couple of awkward moments in a still-healing friendship. Half-Blood Prince missing moment.”

funny little frog in my throat by anonymous

RATED T — pining, specifically pining ron, fluff and humor, idiots in love, my personal all time favorite, they’re still magical but no war au

“Ron loves Hermione. It's an ugly business, he's very upset about it, but he loves her and that seems to be the axis on which his world turns.”

self recs

meet me in the woods

— RATED T: secret dating au, starts at the end of sixth year and runs until the shell cottage scene in deathly hallows, written for romione week 2023, oblivious harry, 9k words… oops

““We could just… not tell him.” / “Just keeping it a secret? Okay.” / Whatever Joanne wrote for Deathly Hallows was NOT real. This is (trust me).”

that damned cat

— RATED G: post-war, hermione’s eighth year, crookshanks fic, cuts to around 2009/2010 i think, cat dad ron, and just general dad ron, wine uncles drarry

“Ron hates that cat—but he loves Hermione more.”

#isa’s reccomendations #isa recs ! #romione #ron and hermione #romione fanfic #romione fanfic recs #ron and hermione fanfic #ron and hermione fanfiction #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #fanfiction reccomendations #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfic reccomendation #fanfic rec #hermione granger #ron weasley #rec list

[moonlit-midnight]

Ocean Dreams and Serene Waves | Part 1

Characters: Jade Leech.

Genre: Platonic Fluff, Friendship, Angst.

Summary: Like the sea waves find the shoreline, you found each other. 

Warnings: 

GN!Reader. Mention of memory loss due to an accident.

This will be 2 parts. I’m struggling to think of a proper ending.

—

For as long as Jade Leech could remember, his childhood best friend was a sickly person, often in and out of the hospital. 

Despite your condition, you didn’t let it stop you from living your best life.

You were full of life, and charmingly bright like the breathtaking shy breath of the warm sun. 

You were energetic and always brimming with excitement, not caring what form it took as long as it made your heart beat.

Every time you got discharged, Jade would eagerly wait for you by the beach nearby your family’s summerhouse where you first met, arms stretched out like wings to welcome you in his embrace.

You would excitedly run to him, giving him the tightest hugs.

Peals of soft laughter would spill out of his lips when both of you fall backwards into the sandy ground.

Your strong hold on him was a reassurance that you were here with him, breathing and truly alive.

Jade’s head rested on your lap. You were sitting close to the shore, watching the gentle waves touching your feet while your best friend was admiring the glorious rising of the sun.

“Hey Jade, how are you holding up when I’m not around? I bet you feel lonely.” you said in a teasing tone, sun-lit eyes peering down at the young merman.

“Lonely? Not at all. I have my brother to keep me company.” He glanced at you, sharp teeth bared in a playful grin.

“Rascal.” you tousled his teal hair causing him to laugh. “Can you sit for a moment? I have something for you.”

Jade sat up instantly, curiously eyeing the item you fished out from your pocket. In your palm sat a silver necklace paired with a star shaped aquamarine pendant, the gemstone he grew fond of because it was your favorite.

Leaning closer, you cautiously placed it around his neck.

“My mom helped me make this. So you can always have me around.”

“I love it.” He whispered in awe, toying with the pendant. “Thank you. I promise I’ll treasure this beautiful gift.”

You hummed and smiled in return.

“We'll always have each other, won’t we, Jade?”

“Yes, always.”

★ —

Ever since you started your life at NRC, you often woke up from a dream of someone holding you under the deep blue sea.

Was it a real memory or merely a whimsical dream, you weren’t sure.

Despite the dreams being vivid, the stranger’s face always appeared blurred.

The only distinct feature you could glimpse was his piercing heterochromic eyes which was shockingly similar to Jade Leech, the vice housewarden of your dorm.

“Are you feeling unwell?” Jade brushed a thumb over your tear-streaked face.

You shivered at the contact. It was a light touch which felt strangely familiar. 

“God, I don’t know why I am crying, but I’m okay.” you stuttered, wiping your tears with the sleeve of your hoodie. “It’s just, I think I came here a lot with someone dear to me. I feel that I was so happy here, but I can’t remember it.”

It was a weekend, late at night when Jade took you to the seaside to unwind after he noticed how distressed you’ve been lately. It was the same beach that you used to go to together once upon a time.

It was a calm night as the two of you walked quietly along the shore. 

Your attention shifted from the merman beside you to the shining sea water, the starlit sky reflected dazzlingly on the surface.

Your tears came so suddenly because everything felt familiar. The peaceful place, the pleasant atmosphere and Jade’s soothing presence.

It made your heart ache.

You were sure that you experienced this feeling over and over in the past.

However, no matter how hard you tried picturing them in your mind, the images always appeared hazy and out of reach like a faded dream.

#🌸hannah’s musings #twst #twisted wonderland #jade leech #jade leech x reader #twst x jade #twst jade leech #jade leech fluff #twst fluff #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst writing #twst imagines #twst scenarios #twst fanfic #twst fanfiction #jade x reader #disney twst #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland fanfic

[thetarttfuldickhead]

I know that Jamie/Colin isn't the focus of this blog, but I really liked your "Locker Room Conversations" ficlet, and I was wondering if you had any headcanons/thoughts on how, in an alternate universe, a Jamie/Colin might shake out.

Well, to be honest I’ve never really thought about it too much since I don’t particularly ship Jamie/Colin, but let’s see what I can scrounge up for you, ey?

The one actual headcanon I do have:

Colin had a bit of a crush on Jamie back when Jamie first joined the team, and Jamie knew about it but never said anything. I entertain this notion at least half-seriously because I find it’s very entertaining to think about Jamie knowing and not really reflecting much on it, other than to go “uh yeah of course he has a crush on me who can blame him i mean have you seen me?”

Pre-canon angst

If you want something early and angsty and potentially canon-compliant, you could have the two of them hooking up before Jamie and Keeley get together (we have no idea when that was, but I think it was after Jamie joined Richmond purely for logistical reasons – hassle keeping a London girlfriend when you live in Manchester),. For Jamie it’s mostly about getting off and feeling a bit better about himself (both from making Colin feel good sexually and from Colin being a bit of a fanboy, giving his ego a boost) because Jamie’s not in a great place at this time. For Colin, there’s also feelings, so yes. Angst. Could end on that unhappy note, or you could go full AU and have Jamie slowly realizing that actually, he cares for Colin. (SHOCKER!) Obviously you’d need a turning point of Colin taking a stand and breaking things off with Jamie because he doesn’t want to be used like this anymore. He is a strong and capable man who deserves better! Cue Jamie having to prove his genuine affection and woe Colin back. Very classic rom-com vibe, and thus not my style at all, but I’m trying to give offer you a variety of flavour here.

Season 2 Enemies to lovers

In an another world, I think there’s a lot of potential for something set early during season 2, when Jamie first returns to Richmond. As mentioned in my recent post, I’m very intrigued by Colin’s reaction to this and how they go from him being very angry with Jamie to loving him so much, man. Besides, enemies to lovers is my one true ship trope, so I might even read this if I ever came across it.

Vanilla version: Colin is working hard to convince himself that he’s a strong and capable man, and he doesn’t need Jamie Tartt reminding him – simply by being around – of the person he used to be only a year before. Jamie is hellbent on repairing their friendship, though, and while initially Colin finds some measure of petty satisfaction at seeing Jamie’s bumbling attempts at making amends, he’s little by little and in spite of himself won over. I can see Jamie persistently taking him out on friend dates and Colin first agreeing only because he kind of enjoys torturing Jamie a little by being an ass, but Jamie is undettered and then they start having a really good time together and in therapy Colin comes to realize that part of his anger with Jamie is really anger with his own past behaviour – and maybe some shame over having had a crush on someone who was such an asshole. Over time, soft and mushy feelings develop. There are lots of hand-holding and cuddling and watching reality shows and bitching about the contestants together. They go on really stupid fucking adventures and love clubbing and once they come out to the team they are really kind of insufferable because their joint himbo energy is a threat to all of mankind, but they are so fucking adorable it’s hard to be mad (except for when they bring their bitchiest selves and team up to bring it down on everyone else, epic sassy style).

Dark/angsty/kinky version: Jamie is doing his best to make things right with the team, but Colin’s still not having it and in the end Jamie (remembering the crush Colin once had on him) offers sex as a way to make amends/prove how sincere he is. Colin can’t resist taking him up on the offer because even if he’s long over his crush the idea of Jamie kneeling in front of him, of Colin’s fist twisting in Jamie’s hair as he fucks his mouth, of Colin using Jamie however he sees fit and Jamie letting him… That does things for Colin, particularly when he’s in this vengeful state, yeah? Can end on a dark note, if that’s your jam, or end with some sweet comfort, aftercare and reconciliation.

Cracky post-canon poly shenanigans

Keeley is dating both Roy and Jamie, and while Jamie and Roy are not dating each other there’s this tension between them and yeah, maybe they wanna give this whole also sleeping with each other thing a go, except neither of them has ever done anything with another man before and so they’re a bit unsure about how to proceed and things keep Not Happening. (In this universe, Keeleys staunchly refuses to guide them, no matter how hot she’d find it, because she’s very much and rightly on the let Roy and Jamie sort Roy and Jamie out track.)

Jamie, glorious solution oriented himbo that he is, goes to Colin for some pointers on how to be gay, mate and after Colin stops staring inredulously at him he shrugs and gives him some general hints, the more gay love the better right, only Jamie soon comes back for a more hands-on tuition session because no, i tried, mate, but i just couldn’t figure it out, could you maybe show me instead? and Colin is a good friend (who once had a crush on Jamie), so yeah, that happens.

Keeps happening too, because everything Colin is teaching Jamie is working great and Roy and Jamie are very much getting it on and having a grand old time – but to no reader’s great surprise, there’s also some feelings starting to grow between Sassy Himbo No. 1 and Sassy Himbo No. 2. and in the end Jamie is not only dating Keeley and Roy but Colin too!

Colin only dates Jamie, though – the very idea of being involved with Keeley, a woman, or Roy, a Roy, is slightly nauseating and somewhat scary to him. There are no joint dates, no dinners for all four of them. Isaac is a little perplexed and initially concerned over the whole set-up but he sees how happy it makes his best friend so he rolls with it, even if he does end up having a talk with Roy about how he needs to make an effort to not look angry when Jamie and Colin go off together after training. I’m not angry, that’s just my face, Roy protests. Yeah, Isaac agrees, I know, bruv, but it’s freaking Colin out a little so maybe make an effort to not look like yourself, yeah? So the next time, Roy tries for a smile and Colin has trouble sleeping that night.

(For an extra helping of crack if Jamie/everyone is your thing: When the rest of the team learns of this, a few of the lads complain that it’s not fair that Keeley and Roy and Colin all get to have Jamie as their boyfriend when they don’t, but Jamie quickly assures them that he can be their boyfriend too! [Right… ? with sideway glances at Roy and Colin who just nod.] There’s plenty of Jamie to go around! Except he’s kind of busy with the partners he’s already got so maybe they need a scheduele and it’ll mostly be odd dates, but yeah, everyone who wants to can sign up for the Jamie Tartt Boyfriend Experience and in the end one fourth of the team is dating Jamie in some shape or form.)

That’s what I got for now. I hope at least one of them tickled your fancy, even if I strayed into OT3+ territory there for a bit...

#still don't particularly ship it #but i’d probably read the last one and maybe the season 2 enemies to lovers ones if I came across them #and i DID have a lot of fun dreaming these up ngl #so thank you very much for the ask! <3 #jamie tartt #colin hughes #jamie/colin #roy/keeley/jamie #asks

[leighlew3]

I've been thinking about this a bit lately, and there was a small misunderstanding when I dipped my toe (and then whole body 😂) into the SC / SG fandom, i.e. a few people unfortunately thinking I was trying to mislead or exploit fans in some way, because of others from this industry who used and lied to fans in the past re: a different show. And while that was unfair to paint me with the same brush without knowing me, I can understand where they could’ve had concerns because of wounds caused by others.

Hopefully people understand by now though that wasn’t the case. As I’ve said so many times before, if nobody around here ever consumes anything I write? Cool beans! But I’m both a professional in this industry and a lifelong fan girl and that’s not gonna change. And I’m going to talk about both my career and fandom stuff. 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, I do hope people know by now that I’m here for the right reasons, and always have been. And I always will be. But if I ever did anything that made it come across otherwise — I truly apologize. I mean it, seriously. Any misunderstandings that I might’ve inadvertently caused through making a dumb math joke or expressing that fans should always have hope and fight for what they believe in, etc — if it upset anybody in any way or wasn’t expressed properly by me at the time — I feel awful.

While I can’t do anything about a couple people who twisted my words or intentions or even flat out lied about stuff being said or done that never happened — I do want to own any part I had in it by not more quickly clarifying or shutting that stuff down. I really do feel bad about all that, because all I’ve ever wanted to do was show love and be understood and connect with people and fight for the ship and fandom, and I’ve done that online (and behind the scenes in ways that I can’t even talk about) for years now.

I adore y’all, and I will always be a Supercorp fan. I’ve always been (brutally) honest and an open book, but I’ve also just been passionate (and sometimes sadly misunderstood) by the occasional little pocket of people. And that sucks. But I don’t hold it against them, and I hope nobody holds that stuff against me.

I'm posting this now, because after losing my mom this year and with the holidays coming up, I've been reflecting a lot. And I realize that life is too short for grudges or misunderstandings that can be corrected or made amends for, so I hope people know that I love y’all and appreciate y’all and any past minor conflicts or accidental misunderstandings — even if it was just with a few people — really sucked, and I hope there can be mutual forgiveness.

Anyway, I don’t expect everybody to like me or agree with my perspectives, or even approve of how I go about expressing myself. But we can’t control anybody else in life. All we can do is control ourselves, self reflect, and work towards growth. Thus, if I ever did anything to make anybody — even just 2 or 3 or 10 people — feel any kind of negative way, that's a big oops on my end, and I'm sorry.

And if some of those people still feel like it was entirely justified to target me so intensely the way they did — hey, bygones and I forgive it — and I still want to offer nothing but love and hope that the future brings better things for us all. For real.

TLDR: The last 5-ish years on a personal level have been incredibly difficult, and the last 6+ months have been emotional hell, but the ship between Kara/Lena and the SC fandom as a whole has been there for me in the most incredible of ways (through humor and fan art and fanfiction and friendships and lions and tigers and bears). And I’ve tried to be there in return, as much as humanly possible, and as authentically as possible.

And that’s why the little percentage that didn't like or trust me — I hope we can metaphorically hug it out and move forward and I hope I’ve made some progress in your perception of me over time, but even if not — or hell, if it’s gotten worse for some reason, I’m going to continue to show love and support towards this ship / fandom and fight for our LGBTQ community. Because I truly care. Even if I’m human and make some mistakes along the way, past or future. Even if people misunderstand me sometimes.

All I can do is my best. And that’s all I’ve ever tried to do...

Love y’all. 💜

P.S. If you’d like to chat or seek to be unblocked or whatever, send me a message via a burner or on Instagram DM or somethin’ and we’ll chitty chat and hopefully hug it out. I’m down. Cheers. 🤙

#supercorp #supergirl #reflection #big hugs or high fives or whatever you’re comfortable with

[missgryffin]

hi! I’m a new writer and I started a fic but I just wanted to ask if you had any advice for writing fanfiction. I started my fic but I’m kinda hitting a writers block and I don’t know where I want my story to go. I want my characters to have dimension but I don’t think I’m communicating it well. And my plot line, I feel like it’s so hard to communicate in writing. I just feel like my writing is bad as a whole and I wanted to ask for advice because you’re literally one of the best writers I’ve encountered! Love your writing so much

Thanks for the kind words, anon!! 🫶 This got long, so I put it below a cut:

First off, congrats on getting started — that's always the hardest part, and there's a lot of bravery in starting something new and letting your work exist outside your head. The #1 piece of advice I hear everywhere and pass along to you is simply to keep going. Writing is a muscle, and it takes repetition, practice, reflection, etc. to find your style and get better. I came back to writing in 2020, and it took writing consistently since then for me to be where I am now of feeling like my writing's where I want it to be and feeling confident about bigger pieces.

On the direction of your story and your plot, know that this is such a common dilemma for writers!! And honestly, the advice out there varies a lot depending on if you're more of a pantser (make it up as you go) or plotter (plot it all out first). I'm somewhere in the middle. I plot a decent amount, but sometimes it's only in broad strokes, so I leave room for building out scenes intuitively as I write. I also get stuck all the time, and for me, I know that means that something's not working — either I have to go back and change something in the prior paragraph/dialogue, or I have to take the scene in a new direction, or I have to figure out a different way to bridge the gap between what happened and what I know I'm building toward.

At this point, my advice to you would be this: do some daydreaming. Go on Pinterest, browse Tumblr, go on a walk with a good playlist. Let your mind wander, mood board your fic, let all the vibes marinate. Whatever scene ideas pop into your head, write them. Write out of order (you can always massage things to fit chronologically later). Loosely figure out your ending, so you at least know where you need to end up — sometimes it's easier to work backwards when outlining the latter part of a fic. Use tropes and their conventional story beats as much or as little as is helpful to you.

Once you have that direction, my advice on "communicating" your plot and characters really boils down to the adage of "show don't tell." Which sounds so cliché, I know, but it really does work!! Think about the aspect of your plot or character you want to be coming across to the reader, and then brainstorm actions or scenes that could demonstrate that happening.

An example of when I was very conscientious of this is Castling. (Spoilers ahead!) The main plot is present day, but I wanted to build the emotion and pining and just the stakes overall by inserting past flashbacks, as opposed to just saying, Lily and James were best friends while growing up at school. So I came up with a handful of significant moments to show their friendship in action throughout their past. The second year scene sets it all up: Lily does not hesitate to confront James for Remus, demonstrating both her fierce + sassy personality and the depth of her friendship with Remus. The seventh year scenes show how everything's evolved: first there's the fight in the corridor, in which James steps in to shield Lily and punches Mulciber after an incident that escalated while they were brewing Amortentia in Potions, and then later that night Lily finds out James got broken up with. I never had to say that they were starting to subliminally have feelings/attraction toward each other — we pick up on that based on what happens: James doesn't just defend Lily out of basic nobility; he's "a caged bull in Sirius's arms" in the immediate aftermath of Amortentia 👀, which is the breaking point for his girlfriend. James picks Lily's friendship in his girlfriend's ultimatum without second thought. And they don't hug. It's not a sibling-like consolation because there's an undercurrent of tension that's decidedly not sibling-like anymore — they're just in total denial about it. And then finally there's the post-school scene, in which they're more comfortable around each other in part because they're simply more mature and have figured out how to care about each other without crossing the boundary of friendship (yet).

Something I tell myself a lot when it comes to figuring out plot and "showing" the reader is plot can be small. I'm constantly saying this to myself. And what I mean by that is, "plot" doesn't have to be some sweeping, complicated thing. Of course some stories go that way and longer stories often necessitate more complex narratives, but there can be just as much plot in "discovering feelings for each other" (As Lovers Go) as there is in "planning a complicated mission that goes awry because of a secret double-agent" (Vindicated). It's simply a matter of going more deeply into smaller details and the emotional trajectories of the story. So "plot can be small" doesn't mean the plot itself is "smaller" or "lesser," it means that plot can be based in small actions that are incredibly important or meaningful to the characters, and the story then teases out all the little details surrounding those small actions.

And finally, the last thing I'll say (this already getting way too long 😅) is that plot and character development are both very layered things. The Castling corridor fight initially was just a corridor fight — the idea for adding the Amortentia element came later, and the idea for connecting the fight with the ultimatum and the breakup came even later after that. Don't put pressure on yourself to figure things out entirely the very first time you write something down!! Ideas build on each other as you keep writing. You'll add layers that make scenes better. And the layers of the story and the characters will keep building throughout the story. This is where dimension comes from. We don't need to know everything about a character right away — let the layers peel back as the story goes on.

If you're still reading: I hope this can help!! Best of luck with your writing!! 💗

#ask #on writing

[supanuts]

(2/2)

And the clearest example is how he’s aware of Way’s feelings for him, has been for a while, but not only is he very dismissive of them (picture their hallway conversation when Way is clearly emotional and upset and for the first time actually addresses the elephant in the room (which takes a lot of courage), only for Babe to be all ‘yeah I know – ugh did you have to actually say it out loud?? - but, like…Charlie! Now let me caress your shoulder while I reassure you we’re still best buds!’ or the way he reacts like it’s all a bit tiresome whenever someone else brings it up) - Babe makes a conscious choice to NOT discuss it with Way, and more importantly to NOT draw any boundaries tween them. At best he’s just being extremely careless with Way’s feelings, especially when he jokes about them being bfs, but at worst, one could argue that his flirtatiousness is in fact an intentional manipulation of said feelings in order to keep Way where he wants him, which is at his beck and call. Babe doesn’t care to look any deeper because there’s nothing in it for him – as long as he has Way by his side, adoring him, he’s satisfied. Any awkward niggling thoughts about how actually this probably isn’t a healthy dynamic and this guy needs to get a life outside of me and in retrospect it’s a little strange that I know literally nothing about him get pushed aside in order to maintain that status quo.

Now, unlike half the characters in this show, I’m capable of self-reflection: I know that I could extend some of the sympathy I have for Way due to his shitty past (and present) to Babe, and speculate that Babe’s selfishness, his need to keep Way with him even if it’s detrimental to Way’s wellbeing, is merely a consequence of his own shitty past, his fear of being alone; that his inability to deal with this situation is a result of his own emotional maladjustment at Tony’s hands. That’s all very likely to be true. BUT! Babe has the whole internet ready to kill for him, so sorry but he doesn’t need me to do the same! What can I say - I feel obligated to stick up for the underdog, no matter how much of a fucked up wrong’un said underdog might be! (Of course there’s also the entirely plausible possibility that all this is just the fault of shoddy writing - as long as characters keep repeating that this really is a deep and wholesome and 100% reciprocated friendship then we the audience are duty-bound to believe it!)

In conclusion (if you got this far - apologies!): Way is a pathetic but tragic character who didn’t deserve the hand he was dealt (but does deserve lifelong therapy), whose motivations are much more complex and heart-wrenching than many seem able/willing to recognise/acknowledge. Babe is selfish and a shitty friend, but that is perhaps understandable given his experiences. SA (and mind-fucking your friend) is NEVER excusable, no matter how awful your life or how bad your daddy issues; neither is it EVER the fault of the victim. All of these things can be true at the same time, and it wouldn’t hurt to remember that.

Your Honour, I rest my case!

P. S. Internet, please don't be mad at me! Everyone's of course entitled to their own opinion (variety is the spice of life and all that!) and the remaining eps might totally destroy this interpretation, but at the end of the day, it's just a show, and I'm just a socially anxious contrarian overthinker with a penchant for well-acted morally dubious pretty boys!

i think i tend to be more positive/look for the more favourable explanation and so my opinion on the hallway conversation (which: hurty) is that babe is extreeeemely unprepared to talk about feelings. which is funny because his friendship with way reads as very intense to me, and they’re pretty dramatic with their words too? but it’s clear babe has no experience in this area, both talking about it and feeling it, and it shows precisely in how careless he is with way’s feelings. and again, the jokes about being bfs babe i will hunt you down you cannot be this dense! please! but also i don’t think he would see anything unhealthy in how powerful way’s attachment to him is because i think, up until charlie showed up, they both acted like that with each other. (my poor way…)

don’t apologise! this has taken me five million hours to reply to but it has been worth every. second. and honestly while as i’ve just said i don’t totally agree with your interpretation of babe and his actions and feelings towards way i do think you make great points and can see why you’re interpreting something in a different way than i do. also i love to read what people are thinking. meta is my favourite thing in the world, so unless it’s something horrifying to me i am going to enjoy it lol

#pit babe #pit babe the series #asks #anon #way anon

[loving-jack-kelly]

What are your jack and Spot headcanons? I’ve always felt like they were the type to really understand each other but would rather die then admit they’re friends.

(Side note: I might have sent this already but my internet was all screwy so I’m not sure it went through)

oh i think jack and spot are so so so similar and so so so unwilling to see it. i think they share a lot of similar trauma and responses to said trauma and I think when they look at each other they can't help but see the things they hate about themselves reflected in the other and it drives them crazy.

jack sees spot as somebody so angry and defensive and bitter and he can't help but judge him for it because jack has worked so hard to beat back those traits in himself and it was hard and it was worth it.

and spot sees jack as somebody dismissive and stupidly optimistic and reactive and he can't help but judge him for it because spot has worked so hard to be able to look back at what he went through and pull a fight for change out of it and he doesn't see the same desire for forward momentum in jack.

and the thing is they're both right and wrong at the same time. because jack's desire for forward momentum is the desire to better himself, to heal, to be able to provide a softer, kinder, better life for those around him. he is dismissive and stupidly optimistic and reactive because it's so hard for him to be happy and he knows if he lets himself dwell, if he's purposeful about his anger about his childhood and doesn't make himself move on and pretend to believe things will get better until he actually believes it he'll sit and stew and be miserable forever.

and spot is and always has been first and foremost a fighter, his desire for forward momentum is a desire to jump headfirst onto the front lines and claw his way to something better. he is angry and defensive and bitter and he's using those things not to dwell on the past but to fight so goddamn hard for something better.

i think it takes jack and spot a long time to find a balance. because they're so so so similar and so so unwilling to see it. there's a lot of fighting and a few good blow-ups, lots of snapping at each other and plenty of biting comments before they both let themselves see through the walls the other has up. but once that barrier is broken down I think they have such a strong, balanced relationship.

as much as they're different and as much as they're similar, I think they have very similar senses of humor. spot is dry and sarcastic and a little bit mean, and jack is loud and brash and teasing, but the jokes tend to be very similar. they agree on most of the important things and enjoy picking on each other about the less important things. i think they end up best friends without realizing it's happening and I think they're both mad about it when somebody else points it out.

they fully consider themselves frenemies but they aren't frenemies, they're friends who like being a little bit mean to each other because they get it.

i think their friendship looks a little weird from the outside because it's aggressive and loud and a little bit mean but it's also full of the kind of respect they only have for each other because they've learned enough about each other from years of actually fighting to have earned that mutual respect. spot is one of the only people who can see through jack's veneer of cheerful goofy charming friendly guy to the absolute rage and fight to be the one in control of himself that's hidden under all that. and jack is one of the only people who can see through spot's veneer of cold calculated stoic serious tough guy to see the guy who cares so much about fighting for something better that he's willing to sacrifice others' opinions of himself for the sake of what he's fighting for.

so in summary. they aren't friends until they are and they like to fight but also respect each other deeply but also pretend they hate each other but also love each other more than anything.

#i have very specific spot and jack backstories and I don't usually see them as actual brothers #in that i don't think like. medda adopted both of them but I do think medda practically adopts jack #but i do think when they're adults they consider each other family #especially modern au i just think. i think they share a lot of experiences and need that in each other #jack kelly #spot conlon #newsies #also sprace and javid bestie couples for life <3

[ofmiceandpeace]

Okay, so does anyone else have an affinity for Gene Forrester or is it just me? Like on a deep psychological level, and qualities as well…

In the tags of a reblog of a post I can't find, I mentioned this a little bit, but I don't know if I said it directly in a post. But anyway, it's actually kind of bizarre. (I'll get a little personal here so if you find that cringey then I wouldn't read this. It sounds a little venty at times, which was not the intention, but to explain the way my mind negatively works.)

On a shallow level, I'm introverted and I get good grades like him. I like my subjects; is that being an intellectual? I'm also not an athletic person—I’m not participating in a sport, and most likely wouldn't in the future. All of my friends do sports and some, partly due to that, are actually perfect citizens and human beings. Here I thought it gets meta.

There are people so much better than me, and I have always felt some twinge of jealousy or a deep rooted loathing for their superiority, and after analyzing that moral at the end of A Separate Peace, I realized that it totally applied to me. My whole thing is insecurity. My emotions often get the better of me, especially when I overthink, which is equally as often. Sometimes I (used to) feel like my head is just crowded from anxieties and such, leading to the aforementioned bad actions. I've actually pushed people away in the past due to this.

Onto a side point of overthinking, a lot of it is being introspective like Gene was in his narration, albeit some being his reflections from 15 years in the future. I analyze my own thoughts and motives like they're of another person (or so I think) and that just uses a lot of time and brain power, probably for no good reason. For example, I spend a lot of time mulling over events in the past that embarrassed me, or things that still make me angry months or years after its happening; things I just regret, like ruining friendships with people in the past because of my own insecurities. I don't know if I've come to terms with them yet. We'll see in 15 years.

But anyway, yeah, I don't know, most of the people around me have just amazing qualities which make my own faults more apparent to me. Relating this to A Separate Peace’s moral may have made my overthinking worse, actually, because now I just tell myself, whenever I suspect wrongdoing, “Am I jumping to conclusions because I hate them for some reason?” thus perpetuating the cycle… and I can never tell if it is this way or that.

So in conclusion I relate to Gene with his traits and the way he thinks and acts. Which is kind of cringey to write, but this is partially for myself just to put these thoughts out there which have been floating around in my head for a while. It's really strange, because it's almost a perfect fit. I haven't come across any protagonist that I've related this closely to. Maybe this is another reason why I love A Separate Peace so much? Am I secretly rooting for myself? No, but Gene’s character is just so real. It's not overly dramatized, just a boy with a tortured conscience over an incident that was caused by a realistic mental conflict.

Comparing this to another Knowles book, Peace Breaks Out features characters that act very dramatically with interesting motives and lines and whatnot. More of the plot is action in comparison to A Separate Peace; so the story is not as “believable.” This lack of action in the predecessor makes it seem boring to a lot of people—we can all agree on that. People say nothing happens. But even though they're objectively wrong, I'll say that that's what makes it interesting to me.

You spend so much time with these characters in their everyday lives, listening to the inside of the narrator’s head, or to his friend’s monologues that now and then reveal a key part of his philosophy, that you almost feel connected to them, that they are, in the most figurative way possible, real people. And in my case you may even identify with a character since they are so realistic that their traits coincidentally lined up with your own.

Extreme plot points aren't needed for an interesting story. This tiny fandom can advocate this, right? We're passionate about a 60s book that takes place in a boarding school during World War II which like no one else cares about. It's crazy…

Anyway sorry this was all over the place. I wrote what I was thinking and things probably don't make sense. Thanks for reading if you made it to the end!!

#a separate peace #asp #gene forrester #random #semi serious #analysis #☠️ #i know its midnight I was just on a roll #i probably should reread this tomorrow morning and revise but i wanted to post it now

[iguessitsjustme]

Deep Night Ep 4 Thoughts

I…took the day off of work for *cough cough* personal reasons. Don’t worry about it I’m only a little sick this time. I’ll be better tomorrow. I think. So since I am not working today, it’s time for Deep Night 4: Cuteness Galore

I mean it when I say this show is so unbelievably wholesome. I was told it was surprisingly communicative but the difference between believing and seeing it with my own eyes is insane. 

I wish I could read Thai. I do not know what is being said. 

Poor Khem just wants to spend time with his boyfriend but is being horrendously and adorably teased.

I love Pan. In case I haven’t said that a million times already.

I love how often these two kiss. They’re simply like “my boyfriend exists? I must kiss him” and sometimes its just a little peck on the cheek and sometimes its a full on make out but no matter what they want their lips on their man and I love it. 

Two people keeping snacks for you? Seiji is living the dream. 

My coworker just texted to say our friendship is over because she has to do one of my tasks. Someone remind me to buy her a little treat tomorrow she’s my favorite person

Oooooo love triangle. Nowwwwwww kiss they will love each other eventually why not start now with a little smoocharoo

Who is this gorgeous woman with Freya? I have a rival? That’s okay. We all have two hands. 

Let them kiss damn it! YAY. I love when the show listens to my inner dialogue.

Actually plans cancelled. I cannot watch right now. There is a truck idling outside my apartment and its making the texture of the air WRONG. I feel like I need to peel my skin off.

Okay we’re back. Fucking trucks. 

Oooohhhh Khem throwing the club's rule at his mother. Then outing his own relationship? I did not see that coming. 

ENGLISH? And holy shit it’s soooo good????

I might be in love with Mr. DJ Man. What’s his name?

Oh jealousy is back. I actually love the jealousy in this show a whole lot. 

Pannnnn. He’s so cute. I adore him.

I love that everyone has just decided to ignore the club’s rules. They’re all dating. All of them.

Khem stop kissing him. Your boy is uncomfortable. Khem. Bro. I know you’re jealous but my man you gotta calm down. I hope he apologizes because he did go a bit overboard. 

IMMEDIATE self reflection. Good for you Khem. I love you. 

Someone give Seiji a hug. 

Honestly I’m not the biggest Ken fan. I’m waiting for him to grow on me. I’m sure he will like other characters. But I’m still waiting. 

Seiji having a Moment™

Oh I love Mr. DJ man. He is me. I am him. We are one.

Okay you two. Now talk it out. Use your words. 

Okay so I have some thoughts on that confrontation with guests. I know Khem is jealous but I don’t think that’s why he said Wela is unavailable. He has already reflected on himself and so far has not had an issue bringing guests to Wela. I think Khem actually has a very good gut instinct of guests that could be inappropriate or potentially dangerous. And he is very attuned to his instincts. So he listens to them. In terms of customer service, he still has some work to do on not escalating. However, he presented reasonable alternatives and I don’t think he was in the wrong here. Now let’s see if I got any of this right. 

Yeeeep. That guest has roving hands. Pan to the rescue. 

Lowkey I don’t think Khem is wrong but I also think Wela should punch him. 

Pan is so smart. I love him. Have I mentioned that in the past five minutes?

Why are the cops here again? Absolutely absurd.

I would be demanding the results of the investigation every single time they came and found nothing. 

Khem leave your mother alone. She needs support now not your misdirected anger.

Oh no are we about to end on sadboi hours? I guess I have no choice but to watch episode 5 now. 

#deep night #deep night the series #deep night series #rae liveblogs deep night #i am having a TIME with this show let me tell ya

[whentherewerebicycles]

wow you took that former friend/student stuff really well, like a really level headed reaction. Have you always been able to do that? How do you think you’ve reached that kind of mental equilibrium? I’ve always found anyone leaving my life so intensely stressful and upsetting even if it’s someone I want to leave.

haha well I’ve continued thinking about it several times a day over the past few days so I wouldn’t say the experience has been stress-free! in this case it helps that I’ve read like five different articles in the last week on people breaking off longstanding friendships or relationships over the Israel-Palestine conflict so I’m like ah well it’s not just me experiencing this… people’s emotions are super heightened right now and I think there’s a lot of tacit (or explicit!) encouragement to cut out people who don’t share your exact position or aren’t performing their opinions in the exact way you think they should.

I also think it helps to remember that in most interpersonal conflicts there’s not one person who is Right & Good and one person who is Wrong & Bad… instead people tend to be a little bit right AND a little bit wrong or biased or short-sighted. I think she is right that the situation is very urgent (people are losing their lives and it’s happening terrifyingly fast) and I think she’s justified in having her emotions run really high over this, as she’s been immersing herself in extremely graphic, wrenching content 24/7. but I also feel reasonably secure in my own position! I don’t think social media is a productive place to engage in political advocacy or to do any actually meaningful learning about complex issues. I don’t think we have a moral obligation to post graphic content documenting the horrible deaths of others on our private social media accounts (in fact I think the opposite!!). and I also think it’s okay for people to be like ‘you know what? I am not an expert in this. I need to take some time to read/learn/explore conflicting viewpoints—and I can afford to take that time because I am not a political leader or an army or a government, I am just a person half a world away who is trying to understand a different region’s insanely messy and complex history/politics so that I can hold an informed opinion and advocate for actions aligned with my beliefs and values.’

it kinda bummed me out that she chose to be like ‘bye forever’ given our many years of working together, but also, she had been posting stuff for days that was like ‘if you are not reposting this I am going to unfollow you I am watching you I am taking notes I see your silence as complicity’ so it wasn’t like, a huge surprise that she would react that way. idk sometimes interpersonal conflict like that can be painful but can also prompt good reflection… I feel like she’s pushed me to read a lot more (I don’t trust her sources, but it’s made me seek out sources I do trust to confirm some of the info she’s sharing). but I also feel like it’s reconfirmed for me that I am just not going to engage in super heated, super vitriolic discourse wars online and it’s okay with me if that choice leads some people to label me as not radical enough. idk if this answers your question I think this particular ending-of-a-friendship is pretty context-dependent, but I guess the whole, ‘two people can have a big falling-out and neither of them is all right or all wrong’ helps me avoid feeling too defensive or too wounded about it.

#nobody has to agree with me #but I guess the difference is like I can see and totally understand why she’s doing what she’s doing #even as i make different choices #I think there’s room for multiple ways of engaging with huge horrific global events #but she couldn’t do the same? like for her it was engage in the exact way that I am engaging or I end the friendship #and idk i don't think relationships often survive that kind of ultimatum #ANYWAY. to be clear.. the relentless bombardment with zero plan and seemingly zero concern for civilian casualties is massively fucked up!! #but i feel way less clear on what should happen about hamas or israel or palestine or whatever after

[celestial-thoughts]

room key

Pairing: Rhea Ripley x Bayley, Platonic Bayley & Dakota Kai, background Shayna Baszler x Dakota Kai

Word count: 1.7k

Author's note: set after Raw 3/20/23. thank you so so much to my lovely prism trap anon for the idea for this fic. i am so sorry it took me forever to write it, but i hope you enjoy!

read this fic on ao3 here.

Dakota is smirking at Bayley the moment they step through the curtain backstage. “You okay?” the Kiwi girl asks, raising an eyebrow. “You look a little flushed.”

“I do not,” Bayley insists, but one look at her reflection in a nearby mirror and she realizes that Dakota is right.

“Hey, I’m not saying I blame you,” Dakota says. “She went all in on that pin. I would be flustered too."

Bayley starts to say something, when she suddenly catches sight of Rhea coming around the corner. "Hey, nice job out there tonight," the Aussie woman says, her gaze focused on Bayley. 

"Thanks, you too," Bayley manages to reply without stumbling over her words.

Rhea's lips move into a sly smirk, as she presses a flat piece of plastic into Bayley's palm. Bayley looks down to find a key card for a hotel room, nearly identical to the one in her own bag. "Room 515," Rhea says. "If you're interested."

Bayley wants to ask what Rhea is implying, but Damian calls out to Rhea from the other end of the hallway and Rhea shoots Bayley a final, knowing smile before walking past them to her stablemate.

Dakota giggles, grinning at her teammate. "Shut up," Bayley says through gritted teeth. 

"Are you gonna go?" Dakota asks, even though her smirk clearly says that she knows the answer to her question. 

Bayley shrugs, trying to act casual. "Maybe," she says. 

"You should go," Dakota insists. 

Realizing that Dakota isn't going to drop the subject, Bayley sighs. "I'll think about it," she finally says. "Ready to go?"

Dakota picks up her bag and nods. "Yeah," she says. "I want to call Shayna before it gets to be too late." 

"Any idea if she's going to be on the card at Mania?" Bayley asks as she and Dakota make their way to the arena exit.

Shaking her head, Dakota lets out a sigh. "Nope," she says. "Last I heard, there was talk of adding her and Ronda to the women's showcase match, but it depends on how long Ronda's injury is going to take to heal." 

Bayley gives a sympathetic nod, remembering all too well the feeling of being left off of the biggest show of the year. "How's she handling it?" she asks Dakota. Though Bayley and Shayna haven't worked together much, a friendship began to form between them when Dakota returned alongside Bayley at SummerSlam.

"She's taking the situation better than I expected," Dakota says. "I mean, she's frustrated, of course. But she's holding out hope that things work out." They arrive at the rental car and Dakota climbs into the passenger seat, letting Bayley drive. The car is silent for the first few minutes of the drive, before Dakota speaks up again. "So, are you going to go?" she asks.

Bayley doesn't need to ask what Dakota is referring to. She feels the keycard practically burning a hole in her pocket. "I don't know. Part of me wants to go," she admits. "But I don't know what to expect, or what she wants from me."

Dakota raises an eyebrow. "It's Rhea," she says. "I think you can probably guess." 

"But that's the thing," Bayley says with a sigh. "I don't want Rhea to think of me as just another one-night stand. I'm not saying I necessarily want something serious, but I'm not exactly into the idea of hooking up one night in a hotel room, and then pretending that it never happened." She lets out another sigh as she pulls into the parking lot.

"Who says it has to be about what she wants from you?" Dakota asks. "Just because she's inviting you to her room, doesn't mean you just have to give in to whatever she says. It's about you, as much as it's about her."

Bayley gives Dakota a look. "So you're saying I should try to be in charge?" she asks. "Because I have a feeling Rhea isn't the kind of person who likes to submit to anyone."

"Well, it doesn't hurt to make the suggestion," Dakota says, as they both climb out of the car and grab their bags. She looks at Bayley as they walk into the hotel and cross the foyer to the elevators. "But I can't tell you what to do. You have to decide for yourself." She pauses for a moment, before speaking again. "But ask yourself if you're going to regret not going more or less than you think you would regret going."

So that's what Bayley thinks about as she and Dakota enter the hotel room that they're sharing. It's what she thinks about as she takes off her gear and showers, washes off her makeup and gets dressed in sweatpants and an old t-shirt. 

And it's what she thinks about as she grabs her phone and two room keys, and quietly slips out the door, not wanting to interrupt Dakota, who's on FaceTime with Shayna. Before she has a chance to talk herself out of it, Bayley walks down the hallway to the elevator, goes up two floors, and emerges on the fifth floor of the hotel. She walks down the hall, stopping in front of the room marked with the number 515. 

Is she going to regret doing this? Possibly. But would she regret not doing it? Almost certainly. So Bayley takes a deep breath, lets it out, scans the room key, and enters the room, pocketing the key as she steps inside.

Rhea is sitting on the edge of the bed, eyes on the door. "So you decided to take me up on my offer," she says. 

Bayley closes the door behind her, but stays next to the exit, unsure of her place in this situation. "I did," she says slowly. "Though I have to admit, I'm not quite sure what your offer entails.

A sly smirk finds its way onto Rhea's lips. "You're a smart girl," she teases as she stands up from the bed, slowly making her way across the room to where Bayley is hovering by the door. "I'm sure you can figure it out." 

Rhea runs her hands up Bayley's sides and leans in close. "I'm going to kiss you now," she whispers, her lips just inches Bayley's ear.

And Bayley isn't going to object, melting into Rhea as the younger woman kisses her. It's not a soft or tender kiss by any means, but neither is Rhea. The kiss is slow and fierce, Rhea teasing into Bayley's mouth with her tongue. Her hands make their way to Bayley's shoulders and she pushes Bayley against the door. 

Bayley's response is naturally to push back against Rhea, forcing her against the nearest wall, never breaking from the kiss. There's tension between them, a power struggle as the two dominant women fight for control.

Suddenly, Rhea steps back. "Why are we doing this?" she says with a sigh. "We're both sore and exhausted. This certainly isn't going to help anything."

"Hey, you're the one who invited me here," Bayley points out. "But you make a fair point." 

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Then, Rhea wraps her hand around Bayley's wrist and tugs her over to the bed. They collapse onto the mattress in a tangle of limbs, and Bayley's lips find Rhea's instinctively.

Bayley doesn't remember much from the next several minutes, but she remembers a few things: Rhea's tongue teasing into her mouth. Her fingers in Rhea's hair. Rhea's breath against her neck. 

When they finally break apart, and Bayley tries to stand up and return to her room for the night, Rhea pulls her back down onto the bed beside her. "Stay," she says. "Please. Stay with me for the night."

And Bayley can't say no to that accent, so she settles back in beside Rhea. "Dakota is never going to let me hear the end of this," she says with a sigh.

Rhea laughs, wrapping her arms around Bayley's torso. "Shayna is going to tease me for days if Dakota tells her about this," she says. "But then again, we gave them so much crap when they first got together, so I suppose it's only fair."

Bayley laughs, resting her head on Rhea's chest. They stay curled up together, Bayley in Rhea's arms until they fall asleep, and they wake up the same way. Bayley wouldn't mind spending all day in bed with Rhea, but they both have flights to get to, so Bayley settles for a lingering kiss and a promise that they'll text each other before their flights leave. 

She's just about to leave Rhea's hotel room when the Aussie woman places a hand on her shoulder. "Can I take you out?" she asks, and her voice is hesitant and shy in a way that makes Bayley's heart skip a beat. "On a real date, I mean. Not just making out in a hotel room."

"Well, I didn't have any problems with making out in a hotel room," Bayley teases. "But yes, I would love to go on a date with you."

Rhea smiles shyly, placing a soft kiss on Bayley's lips and promising to call her tonight. Bayley feels like she's floating as she returns to her room.

Dakota is sitting criss cross at the edge of her bed when Bayley returns. "Something you want to tell me?" she asks, a knowing grin on her face. 

As much as she tries to hide it, a giddy smile finds its way onto Bayley's face, accompanied by a faint blush. She nods, which prompts Dakota to let out an excited squeal and jump up from the bed. Bayley lets Dakota tug her over to the bed and sits down. "So how was it?" Dakota asks eagerly.

"It was amazing," Bayley says, prompting Dakota to let out another squeak of excitement. "We didn't go too far because we were both tired, but we made out a bit. And then we cuddled for a while."

Dakota watches her friend with bright eyes, not missing the pink flush in Bayley's cheeks. "Anything else?" she asks, almost as if she knows there's more to the story.

Bayley nods. "She asked me out," she says. "On a date."

"See, I told you going over there was a good idea," Dakota says with a satisfied smirk. Then her expression softened into a fond smile. "I'm glad you're happy," she says. "You deserve it. Both of you do."

Bayley smiles at her teammate. "Thanks for convincing me to go," she says. 

"Anytime," Dakota replies. "You know I've always got your back."

#my writing #wwe #prism trap anon #rhea x bayley #rhea ripley #nightmare brutality #bayley #role model

[nenya85]

N, E, Y, and A for the ask meme! :-)

@uneorange OMG!  You picked the letters of my username!  That’s so clever.  It really made me smile :-) 

If any one else wants to ask (please!) the list is here!

N: Any fic ideas brewing that you’d care to share?

In addition to my ongoing WIP, “Life After Life,” I have two really vague fic ideas I’m mulling over. And believe me, when I say really vague, I mean really vague.

In no particular order:

VAGUE IDEA #1: Atem returns with Kaiba.  A bunch of unspoken assumptions are crammed in the Dimensional Cannon with them.  Atem’s first actions throw everything up in the air. Kaiba, still on a honeymoon high, brings Atem and Yugi together, with the flourish of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Yugi falls apart.  He’s been the brave warrior for so long, and when he sees Atem, standing in front of him, real and alive, he dissolves into tears and thanks Kaiba for bringing Atem back.  Atem, shaken and guilty at the effect his leaving has had on his partner, focuses on comforting Yugi.  Kaiba (of course) assumes the idyll is over, as Mokuba wonders why he’s always the one left picking up the pieces.  I really want the story to be an exploration of the importance of romantic (Kaiba/Atem), platonic/friendship (Atem and Yugi) and familial bonds (Kaiba and Mokuba) as the characters negotiate their way through them.

VAGUE IDEA #2:  Every time Kaiba tries to reach Atem in the after-life, he winds up back in his past.  Meanwhile, every day Atem is spending in the after-life feels more hollow, as if he’s a vessel that’s emptying itself out.  As everything starts to feel less real, the one thought that becomes more solid is that Kaiba is involved.  They feel like they’re caught in a game and the only way out is to figure out what the game is and how to win.

E: What character do you identify with most?  Is there a certain fic of yours that captures these qualities particularly well?

Both Kaiba brothers.  My older brother was incredibly important to me growing up, and to this day, if he told me black was white, I’d be out there swearing he was right, so I really get that bone-in loyalty to an older sibling.  As much as I love Yugi’s values, in temperament, I really get Kaiba, and in a much milder form, a lot of his struggles have been mine.  

Capturing the Kaiba brothers has been an ongoing fixation of mine, so I’d like to think I’ve done them justice in all my stories.  I think the one that looked at Kaiba’s inner workings in the most literal way was probably “Giving Up the Ghosts,” where Kaiba created an immersive virtual world that reflects all of his inner conflicts, strengths and damage and then has to figure out how to win to escape.

Y: What are your thoughts on your personal satisfaction with something you’ve written vs. the popularity of your stories?  Do you tend to be most satisfied with your most popular stories?  

I tend to avoid thinking of my stories in terms of popularity because that’s a particularly self-destructive rabbit hole for me, and no matter where I start, I always end up feeling bad about my writing.  I came up with a very simple metric that ended up working:  Did I tell the story in my head to the best of my ability at the time I wrote it?  So far the answer has been yes, and that has remained an enormous source of satisfaction.

A: Of the fanfic you’ve written, which is your favorite and why?

OMG!!! That’s like asking a parent who their favorite child is!  TBH, I don’t really have an answer because I spend so much time nurturing each story.  Also, in addition to being stories in and of themselves, they’re also my experience of writing them, and for me, those two things are inextricably intertwined.  Writing my first story was an amazing experience because I’d never thought of myself as a creative person, and writing a whole story was something I would have said was beyond my ability.  Having people connect with it and to meeting so many people through it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  I had several (mostly successfully resolved) health issues while writing my current WIP and there were months where each successful update felt like a victory in and of itself, and the story has occasionally became a stand-in, and at times a target, for my fluctuating moods.  TBH, I’m not sure if I’m avoiding the question or if I simply can’t answer it.

#thanks for asking!

[yugocar]

tag directory 

decided to do a little tag directory, for anyone whose ever been curious what my silly little long tags are for! i treat these like personal little archives, so i’m constantly cleaning them up 

art

‘on the question of art’ - art history, fine arts

‘on the topic of art’  - contemporary illustration / animation / digital art

‘till the devil whispered behind the leaves’ - texts about art, art theory, discussions about art (primarily visual art)

‘a story is true a story is untrue’ - discussions about narrative particularly in the context of various media

‘personal art vault’ - my favourite artist and works of art, usually means i’ve reflected on these works/artist in a more serious capacity

“we do not judge the object but what it tells us” - eastern european art. made by, made in or made about.

‘lgbtq art / balkan art / comics zines and artbooks / history of propaganda // gen art tag

specific / themed

‘who suffered death because she chose to turn’ - on nostalgia and memory. this is a topic i work with and research a lot

‘the stories we want to believe are the ones that survive’ - things that resonate with me personally, usually in the context of my artistic practice

‘parallel lines meet at infinity’ - web-weavings and things adjacent to web weavings

‘gastarbajter tag’ - a tag for my experiences with moving/living abroad. a mix of personal posts, transitioning from eastern european culture to western european culture and bits about nostalgia/immigration/exile/etc

‘yugocars impromptu art club’ - my ongoing attempts at having conversations about art (film/music/literature/etc) with followers/mutuals, cause its neat!

‘the robot cycle’ - robot things which are also a personal metaphor for me trying to live with autism which is also just some overall collection on what being human means ? hope that helps

“you will tell me stories of the sea and the ones you left behind” - everything about leaving

healing tag - a collection of art and words that focus on gentle thing and the fact that life goes on

personal nostalgia collection - what it says on the tin. this contains primarily things from ‘90/early 2000′s.

on the problem of flesh - reflection on the difficulty of having a body and what to do with it

the infant’s wail - the base desire and desperation to be seen and loved

the poison seeps through - all things regarding the strange reality of family

with these clumsy hands - collection of how humanity stumbles through life

how the world ends - what it says on the tin

metamorphosis of monstrosity -

on betrayal / on love / on friendship / on violence / on homecoming / on sisterhood / on grief /  on longing / on being understood / on the visual / roads left behind / swan song / on solitude / on gentleness / on salvation / on divinity / on haunting / past the final hour (on resiliance) / on tragedy /

general

‘soon nostalgia will be another name for europe’ - pretty much everything connected to europe, i dont tag most purely balkan things with it because i have a separate tag for that

‘balkan youth have always outlived evil times’ - tag for all things balkan. primarily ex-yu countries, but sometimes also other places

‘you must have soul crushing hope to be this afraid of missing it’ - a very long title for what is essentially a ‘me’ tag

‘the world’ - as it says on the tin, pictures from all over the world, from different cultures. it isnt a tag with critical texts, just a tag to appreciate the diversity of this world

samenleving en politiek - a broad tag that contains politics, social commentary, etc

‘reading logs’ - whatever i read and feel like sharing, usually small bits from the texts.

logs - me talking. blacklist if you wanna ignore the silly stuff i say

love visualized - all kind of moments of love and intimacy

‘ee tag’ - eastern europe tag. if it doesnt have an elaborate name yet, i’m still workshopping it!

lgbtq history / lgbtq tag / ee lgbtq tag (eastern europe)

on living / a bit of humanity / a bit of laughter / media corner / general gaming tag / arthuriana / superhero stories and such / future past of the internet / music corner

autism tag / mental health tag / dutch tag / mental health refs /

my own stuff

endless list of world war one artist / endless list of female artists

my edits / my art

#index #still working this out but i wanted it out of my drafts #you might ask yourself is this worth it mila? and the answer is yes! #its pure serotonin for my autistic brain #so for my sake i hope tumblr sticks around so i can keep my silly little archive :)))))) #should pin his later

[dragonologist-phd]

⭐👀👀

Ooh, thank you! Let's see...how about a recent Dragon Age fic that I'm fond of, featuring Marja and Sigrun?

Director's Cut - Shapes in the Silence

this fic was really born out of me having a lot of Awakening/post canon thoughts and finally deciding to put them somewhere! my personal favorite chapter so far is "Stars", where Marja reflect on recruitment in general and Sigrun's recruitment in particular

One particular moment that really impacted Marja is Mhairi's death; i think her fate ends up glossed over a lot, but it is really tragic and it's something Marja would carry with her:

Some stuck around. Mhairi is one- that bright-eyed young woman who was there to greet Marja at the city gates. Truthfully, Marja should not have allowed it; Mhairi was too young, too full of potential. Desperation had not worn down into the shape of this life, not like the mage who Joined alongside her. Not like Marja, ages ago, when she had nowhere else to turn. But Marja allows the young woman to Join, and it is on her conscience that Mhairi’s death must be placed.

and that death also leads to her reluctance to recruit both Oghren and Sigrun- Oghren because she knows him, and if she kills him that would be especially hard to deal with, and Sigrun because she knows that she and Darvis were friends

honestly, a lot of how Marja first interacts with Sigrun is informed by her friendship with Darvis, and i think this chapter does a lot to show how Marja has changed over the years. she's not proud of the person she used to be, and especially the person she was when she was last in Orzammar. she's been trying to distance herself from that, and Sigrun kind of represents a reminder of the things Marja is trying to leave behind:

“Aeducan, right?” she says by way of greeting, and Marja realizes with some embarrassment that she’s been staring. She also realizes that, yes, Sigrun did recognize her. Of course she did. “Actually,” she says, setting her papers to the side, “I just go by Marja these days.”

but throughout the chapter Marja starts to get to know Sigrun as a person, not a representation of some idea, and as that happens Marja gets more at ease with herself and the relationship starts to naturally form:

It doesn’t matter if Marja strikes her surname from her title or if Sigrun’s tattoos lose meaning above the ground; the past still lingers. Or maybe Marja is overthinking things. Nobles get sent to the Legion from time to time; Sigrun even mentions a few names which Marja recognizes. This could all be in her head, and she shouldn’t even care this much about what Sigrun thinks of her to begin with. But she does. She finds that she likes when Sigrun laughs at what she says, and she hopes those laughs are sincere. She hopes Sigrun knows that Marja is being sincere, too, when she says she’s glad to have her here.

it's a nice moment, i think, when Marja finally finds the balance of moving past the way things used to be without having to try and forget what made her who she is now

them watching the stars together is also a nice little callback for myself, since the stars were the first thing Marja saw when she came to the surface <3

(and because i'm me, i had to add some tipsy flirting at the end. i couldn't resist, i just really like writing some slightly embarrassing, 'i obviously like you but i'll have plausible deniability in the morning' flirtations!)

Sigrun laughs, and just like all the times before it sends a foolish little thrill down Marja’s spine. “Well,” the rogue says with a twinkle in her eye, “I gotta say- you’re one of the prettier corpses I’ve seen. And I’ve seen a lot of corpses.” “I’m flattered,” Marja says. The embarrassing truth is that she really is, and the compliment leaves her floundering for a response. “And you- you’re a good deal better-looking than darkspawn, yourself.” Sigrun grins and grabs what remains of her bottle. “That’s one of the perks of having me around!” she declares proudly before tipping back the last of the drink.

thanks for sending the ask and letting me ramble!

#director's cut #ch: marja

[kimstaana]

time is a monopoly : memory is a software

"moments later, i was all alone on a highway on pre-new year’s day thinking about what happened and hoping that that was one of those times we both lived in a state of self-regulating amnesia so that we can just forget."

does anybody feel the growing urge to take a trip down memory lane when the new year's approaching? the sudden feeling of going over how you spent the past 365 days of your life? and having void when you sense that you haven’t really taken enough time to fathom your recent memories or at least, grow past them? then, in an instant, you’re taken aback by how far you’re from moving on.

and does anybody ease the intensifying feeling by decluttering? by trying to fill the void in the act of both dumping and hoarding inanimate objects, may it be physical or digital? it can be old photos taken randomly in your memory card, expired negative film rolls you still used but didn’t bother to process, self-burned cds filled with illegally downloaded music and pirated films, hand-written letters from people you no longer talk to anymore, cake boards from your past birthdays, memorable and extremely tiring bus tickets, movie stubs from theaters you almost slept to, cringy high school slam book, and even failing grade school report cards.

i don’t know what got me into this high-functioning yet self-deprecating interest but truth be told, i’m a sentimental hoarder with ironic interest in decluttering. is it the self-reflecting facet? is it the fact that it brushes off the yearning? or is it because it reaffirms the need for a new start? i think it’s somewhere along those lines. i just know that there are times that i find comfort in decluttering anything lying around unused and projecting it as the better way to end the year—a restart to a clean slate.

the annual feeling clings to the overtly overused “new year, new me”, “new year, new beginning”, and “new year, new life” philosophy. surely, it’s about sentimentality but partly, it’s how it consoles the letting go and starts over the loop of life.

“you can't just throw out people the way you throw out things.”, protagonist jean says in nawapol thamrongrattanarit’s 2019 film, happy old year. it may come off as excessively dramatic but that’s how i ended 2021. not the usual decluttering, i was blunt and unfeeling as i throw out almost everything away, disregarding what they used to mean to me. i can reason that it’s because of the great isolation i was forced into that i began to pilot a general cleaning both literally and emotionally.

by the 1st of december last year, i was sorting every item that captured a moment in the past that hit pretty close to home. i knew my memory works as a self-defense mechanism, in its selectiveness, it archives my experiences that are most useful, regardless of them being good or bad that is why i made sure that i’d toss anything like it’s a done deal and that it will all be over if i throw things away already. but you know, sometimes, i feel like a lot of the things that i like to keep are from other people.

by the end of the month of the same year, hours between the 30th and 31st of december, i found myself declaring my love to my college best friend. it wasn’t rushed but it seemed totally abrupt. i’ve been thinking of confessing for the longest time but it was the admission of feelings that would outright stain the friendship that held me back. some people hold some memories dearer than others sometimes. i'm just like that and he's that memory for me. he is knotted to specific places that belong to the past even when it’s already been demolished. he is knotted to a specific time that belongs to the past even when it already happened. a still vivid memory that i’d keep. an intangible place that i’d go to. an irreversible time that i’d relive.

it was a long time coming, i told him i had feelings for him but i’m only doing it to let go of what feels like one-sided baggage i had to carry for a long time already. i don’t spill my guts to anyone and in his case, i felt like i already made it clear through my actions—he was my first confession and hopefully not the last. i told him not to say something or even react, he tried but i could tell he was overwhelmed and i was too devoid of departure.

that night felt like the longest night ever and it felt like we weren’t moving from the time and space that witnessed my confession. as we approach the terminal to call it a night, i didn’t let him come along with me like before, instead, i insisted to walk him up first so he’ll be the first to leave. moments later, i was all alone on a highway on pre-new year’s day thinking about what happened and hoping that that was one of those times we both lived in a state of self-regulating amnesia so that we can just forget.

the impermanence of things that used to remind me of him lets me translate what it means to “forget”—and why it isn’t bad if i still can’t get better while i’m at it. still, it’s not just about the bittersweet revelation that not everyone, even the closest people, can truly yield an ending they want, even if i pretend that that’s the case. it’s also the struggle with decluttering of relationships that we stored together in the things we shared.

sometimes, some things make me realize that moving on by decluttering is more than just throwing away things. it also means confronting the ghosts that come with it. from time to time, the mindless dumping reminds me to rue the day. to remember that a lifetime’s worth of very cluttered memories stands in the way and it’s not always about bypassing the painful parts—sometimes, moving forward requires a lot of attention and absorption.

it’s impossible to go full marie kondo or be out of our minds and just declutter things that don't spark joy anymore—to hurl things away without the slightest sign of hesitation but i felt like i did it that night. on the way home, i felt the inconsiderable regret of actually throwing something out, the heartbreaking reflection of something that cannot be changed. i know our own need to exonerate ourselves from feelings, regardless of the consequences for the other person, can sometimes ultimately be selfish especially when it’s all of a sudden—i’ll admit, my confession to him wasn’t for our friendship, but for my own closure.

oftentimes, i forget people and moments because there’s barely a physical totem to hold on but when sentimentality takes over, it becomes hard for me to let anything go, the least i can do is to remind myself that memories don’t live in things, it’s within me. everything that happened in the past had been recorded somewhere in my head already. after throwing some things, i’m going to remember what i’ve put into the trash bag one way or another anyway.

happy new year, friends!

#nawapol thamrongrattanarit #happy old year #happy new year