#i've been very emotional about them all day

[theflyingfeeling]

...😭

#i've never had a job in my own field that i've liked as much as i've liked my current one #the semester is ending soon and today i heard my contract will not be renewed bc the person i'm substituting will return to work after all #i've been feeling so tired and a bit poorly after the nokia arena show and i probably should have called in sick today #as i was absolutely useless today #and then after my only class today my students came to me with a gift?? 😭 #a pink enamel moomin mug and some chocolate and a paper on which they had written nice things about me + a drawing of a dachshund 😭 #and i burst to tears right there in front of them because i was so touched (and also because i'm just really really tired and emotional) #i'm so tired about having to apply for new jobs and having to start all over again #i'm so tired of having to do shitty short-notice substitutions again #i feel like i deserve better than that but on the other hand i fee like life's giving me exactly what i deserve and maybe this is it #i'm dreading the summer because idk if i'll have a job to go to in the autumn #and even if i did find something it won't be like the job i have now #also. it's may day eve and the weather's lovely #and i'm hiding in my apartment with the curtains closed so i won't see all the people going out and having fun with their friends #for me may day eve has never been like that. i've always felt so very excluded from those celebrations #on top of that i got yelled at by a bus driver and i'm the worst friend that ever existed #i'm trying to quit on whining about my sad little life but it gets so lonely #please know i'm not writing this for attention or pity. i know y'all have problems of your own and i'm just being a dramatic crybaby

[the-solar-system52]

TPOH UPDATE THEORY

TPOH UPDATED AND YOU BETTER BELIEVE I HAVE THEORIES!!

So! Negative talking with the Butterfly definitely did something to him. Maybe he recognised their voice? Or he looked at him directly in their eyes? Some people have proposed the idea that Anxiety blinded Negative, and if that's the case, then I wonder how long the effect will last.

The Butterfly gave him a flashback to his human life, and I'm guessing its one that includes the Butterfly.

Its hard to make out, but we see a human hand extending out, and text that says "WAIT! Don't lea-" (I'm guessing 'don't leave') and "What do you say? We got a deal?"

What's even more interesting, is that RGB didn't get this flashback when he came into contact with the Butterfly. Only Negative did.

This tells us two major things:

The Butterfly used to be a human and they knew Human RGB

2. Negative has access to memories of their life that RGB doesn't

Starting with the first one, I think I'm beginning to figure out just what happened between Butterfly and RGB.

It all starts with this infamous page. The Butterfly gave RGB a schism, which caused him to get a flashback. In this flashback, he is in a backstage acting room (judging that there's one of those fancy mirrors with the lights on them in the background) and he looks very tired and angry. He then tells whoever he is talking to that he hates them.

I assume that this is RGB talking to whoever the Butterfly used to be.

In the lastest update, the flashback gives off similar vibes. RGB and The Butterfly make a deal, but there is also text ("Don't leave") that implies one of them is backing out of the deal. I'm not exactly sure who is who in this situation though.

Either way, RGB did something that really pissed off the Butterfly enough for them to still be mad at them in The Land of Make Believe.

My assumption is this:

As we know, RGB was an actor. So I'm guessing The Butterfly was either an actor, director, or any professional job that would give them the opportunity to meet RGB.

Just like the Butterfly is trying to partner with Negative in this scene, Human Butterfly had a partnership with Human RGB long ago. I'm not sure what it was, but I'm guessing it was related to acting. (It also could've been romantic. Or both. RGB already has like three partners, I wouldn't put it past him.) But the Butterfly messed something up so badly that is caused RGB to get mad and call off the partnership, which is the scene we see on the "I hate you" page. The Butterfly begged RGB to stay ("Wait! Don't leave.") but he didn't.

This may have led to consequences that ruined the Butterfly's career. Either way, they were so hurt by this that they still resent RGB to this day. I have no clue how The Butterfly made it to The Land of Make Believe, since I don't think they were a hero, but it was probably something to do with how RGB treated them.

So when The Butterfly asked Negative for a partnership again, not knowing who Negative was, he got a flashback.

The colours that come out of Negative's vents are Red and Yellow, Anger and Anxiety. Both emotions fit perfectly with this situation.

(Or I could be totally wrong. Since I don't know who's who, it could be the BUTTERFLY saying 'I hate you' and RGB saying 'Don't leave.' But I think the first version fits better with the overarching theory I have. So I'll assume RGB is saying 'I hate you' unless proven otherwise.)

Please let me know if anyone has anything to add to this theory! I think I'm really getting close to figuring this stuff out but there's still some stuff I'm confused on.

Onto the second thing!

I've already talked about this a lot in this theory, but I'd like the expand on it a bit. That theory is slightly outdated since now we know The Butterfly doesn't know who Negative is, but I think I was on the right track.

When RGB and Negative split, Negative took some of RGB's memories with him. (That, or whatever memories RGB sold to Time were given to Negative. I haven't decided yet but either way Negative has some of RGB's lost memories.)

Since RGB and Negative used to be a whole person as a human, parts of their personality in the flashbacks are influenced by both RGB and Negative.

More than that, we have visual identifiers as to which personality is being portrayed in these flashbacks!

When Human RGB's eyes are covered and we see his mouth, it's RGB's memory. Since his TV self has a mouth and no eyes. This means RGB is the one having the flashback and the memory has him displaying more 'RGB-esque' personality traits. Like, in this scene, sleeping on the job and being woken up by a colleague is definitely something I imagine RGB doing, but no so much Negative.

When Human RGB's mouth is covered and we see his eyes, it's Negative's memory. Since his TV self has an eye and no mouth. In this scene, he is displaying more 'Negative-esque' personality traits. He is being confrontational and cold, and straight up telling someone he hates them. That doesn't sound like something our resident coward RGB would do.

And to add to this, blue roses show up as this flashback happens. This memory belongs to Negative, but RGB is viewing it because of his schism. And as I've said before, his schisms/gaps are definitely related to Negative.

So when they split, their human memories and personality traits were split up between them.

I really hope I am right, because I LOVE this facial feature detail! The fact we never see his full face at once gives the impression of him not being 'complete' bc he's not! He's literally being split into two people, so his face was split accordingly. Genuinely a genius visual metaphor on Mod's part. And it really makes me wonder if we will see his full face if RGB and Negative ever fuse back together again.

It's something to keep in mind for the next flashback!

As for the lastest memory, I'm not sure if it's Negative or RGB's, since we don't see their face. It's a possibility it is either a shared memory or RGB's memory that Negative is viewing, which would explain why it messes up Negative so much. And why we see some of RGB's colour return to him.

And what on earth is happening to Negative here? At first I thought he was going to faint and allow RGB to return, but now I'm not sure. Yes he is disoriented, but I think he'll be sticking around for just a bit longer. The blue roses haven't popped yet, and they tend to do that when he leaves. And I'm hoping he'll get a little more screentime since they still need to escape the house and everything, but I won't jinx it.

And what's with the yellow root in his leg? Those roses are mysterious as fuck, and I wanna find out what they'll do to him. I am still trying to figure out wether Negative completely controls them, or if they kinda have a mind of their own. They could make him stronger or make him weaker. They could charge that static electricity again. They could do something to his gaps. Who knows! But I'll be back next Sunday to figure it out.

#tpoh #the property of hate #tpoh rgb #tpoh negative #rgb #tpoh negative rgb #negative rgb #tpoh theory #tpoh speculation #tpoh update #tpoh anxiety #that darned butterfly

[honeygrahambitch]

One for sorrow, two for joy

Plot: Will and Hannibal are having a difficult but very needed conversation the day before the birth of their surrogate child.

"Hello." Will said as he sat next to Hannibal on the porch of their house. The sun was casting its final rays before completely hiding before the mountains. "Just so you know, we are not the worst parents on earth because we don't have a name for our kid. I've read many stories where parents just knew exactly when they saw their baby for the first time. And that will be our case as well."

Hannibal had been out there sitting on his own for most of the day, which was exactly why Will had decided to join him with two glasses of white wine. Hannibal accepted his in silence. He didn't say anything to Will's encouraging words.

Will looked properly at his face only when he heard a sniff followed by a deep sigh, filled with sorrow.

He freaked out for a split second, seeing the tears run down his cheeks, knowing it was a rare sight.

"Do you know when we will be the worst parents?" Will asked, guiding Hannibal's head to rest on his shoulder. "When we won't like her first boyfriend. Or her second. Or third. Fuck it, none of them will be good enough. Or when we will say "no" when she will want to go to a promiscuous party. But I promise that when we meet her tomorrow, we will just know exactly what to call her."

Hannibal let out another sniff and Will could actually feel his tears on his shirt. "I thought I knew what name would be perfect for her." He said eventually.

"And I told you I'm down with calling her Mischa if that's what you feel." He replied softly as he let his own head rest on Hannibal's.

"After doing some self-reflection, I realized I don't want that for her. She shouldn't carry my regrets." He said, his gaze following a magpie trying to build a nest in the pine tree which was shading their house. "Every time I would look at her, I would think of my sister." Hannibal said as he let out a soft sob. "I want her to be her own person, not to grow up in the shade of someone else who already carries so much weight."

"What else is on your mind?" Will asked empathetically after a few seconds.

"During the last years I knew that if we had a daughter I would definitely name her Mischa. I figured I would do that only to give myself the delusion of having her next to me again." Hannibal said. "Or maybe I need some sort of closure that I won't get. Truth is, I need to let her go. It's been too long."

"You know, you don't have to let her go. She is not here but she is still your sister. And she will always be. You don't need a physical reminder to get your closure. And we will make sure our daughter knows about her."

Hannibal let out another sob as he buried his face in Will's shoulder.

"There are days when I feel haunted by my own regrets." Hannibal whispered. Will knew. He had learnt to read his every expression and gesture in time.

"I also feel haunted oftentimes. But then you say something stupid like "Will, have you missplaced the corkskrew again?" And all my ghosts are gone."

Hannibal laughed bitterly for the first time that evening.

"I'm sorry, your own nerves must be wrecked as well because of tomorrow." Hannibal said as he lifted his head off Will's shoulder and wiped his tears.

"Pretty wrecked. But seeing my husband weeping tears on the porch is a rare sight. Poetic in fact."

"I'm envious of you." Hannibal said, finally taking a sip from his glass. "You're managing your emotions better than I do."

"Am I? I woke up at 5 and took apart the washing machine piece by piece because yesterday it made a subtle but weird sound. By noon it was in one piece again. Then I reorganized my lures. Then I reorganized all your spices."

"Pardon?" Hannibal asked as he suddenly turned his head towards Will.

"I was surprised you haven't noticed me spending an unusual amount of time in the kitchen, sitting on the counter and labeling spices. Some of them I had no idea what they were so I drew a question mark instead."

"I..." Hannibal started but didn't know what to say, amused by Will's coping methods. "You didn't touch my suits, did you?"

"No, I am not a psychopath. I did want to organize your ties based on warm and color tones. But I decided I wanted to be alive by tomorrow."

Will clinked his glass against Hannibal's and this time, he was the one to rest his head on his shoulder.

"And we are supposed to raise a child." Hannibal said as a conclusion. "Sorry I avoided you the whole day. I was completely unaware you took the whole house apart. You must have had a lot on your mind."

"It's not like you were doing better. But this" Will said gesturing to where they were sitting"-is a lot better than labeling your spices."

"I agree."

The sun was completely gone, a purple shade coloring the horizon. The lonely magpie was soon joined by a second one, who was carrying some straws as well, probably helping with the nest.

#hannibal #hannigram #hannibal lecter #will graham #hannibal nbc #hannibal series #hannibal fanfiction

[nuppu-nuppu]

give Megumi his dad back

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen fanart #fushiguro megumi #fushiguro megumi fanart #gojo satoru #gojo satoru fanart #parental gojo satoru #it's his dad ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; #sorry i make every background green it's my fave color #i've been very emotional about them all day #I can't stop thinking about them #I need some good dad gojo fics #if u got any recs pls give me #megumi fushiguro #satoru gojo #fushiguro megumi jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru jujutsu kaisen #fluff #family fluff #i love them so much #fanart #art #artists on tumblr #artists of tumblr #clip studio paint #illustration #lol #my birthday is in two days I'm nervous

[crescentfool]

the persona 3 protagonist 25th anniversary nui in food appliances!

#lizzy speaks #persona 3 #minato arisato #makoto yuki #guys friendly reminder that this is what adulthood is about dont listen to anyone who calls you cringe #hence why im putting these in the main tags. i mean they're not incorrect for what the photos are about. lmao #anyway this was a very fun birthday!!! i feel very loved and supported by so many people and i got to do very fun things (like this)... #i think... birthday is like thanksgiving to me. in the gratitude respect. #a reminder of all the lovely people that i have gotten a chance to meet and how i've learned from them #it makes me very happy to have been born... i think every day is a great day to celebrate life's grandeur + brilliance + magnificence #it's just a very poignant and strong feeling that i have that i'm happy to have met so many wonderful people #and while there are some people i've only known for brief periods of time or people who i havent really been good at keeping in contact wit #i do cherish it! im so grateful. so happy that there are people who cheer my silly shenanigans on #while there are ways in which aging makes me go “oh hmm” i think overall i'm happy that i get to keep on living and learning #i have so much fondness for humanity and people... like even if i dont get to talk to ppl directly i just get very emotional yknow #like wow.. you exist.. thats so fucking awesome... i hope you have an awesome day... im glad our paths could cross #if you have read up to this point of my tags.. thank you for reading and being part of my life #i will keep on being the silliest guy ive ever known! cheers to more shenyanigans and self-discovery :3

[byanyan]

byan being a timid kid.

byan being a timid kid because they used to be an outgoing and energetic kid, but they'd get in trouble for being too loud and annoying, too rambunctious and distracting, and struggled to make friends because they were too overwhelming and wanted too much attention. byan being a timid kid because they don't know who to trust because they've been hurt so many times in so many ways by the people who were supposed to protect and look after them. byan being a timid kid because they always manage to disappoint everyone, because they aren't smart enough or talented enough or good enough and they can never seem to do anything right. byan being a timid kid because they're afraid of what they're capable of, because every time their anger has boiled over, they've done serious damage to people, because they've ended up hurting someone far more than that one person ever hurt them.

byan being a timid kid because they don't know what else to do, because every part of them seems wrong, and now being themself just doesn't feel like an option.

#and then of course byan flipping that on its head one day when the final straw snaps #bc being quiet and timid and trying to be well-behaved never actually made things better it never changed anything #byan embracing their anger in a very 'you think I'm a disappointment and a problem? fine I'll BE a disappointment and a problem' sort of wa #hi I've been having a lot of middle of the night thoughts again lately #tonight it's thinking about how if you compared byan at a certain point in their childhood with byan now #you'd never guess they were the same person bc they're such complete opposites #bc they spent so many years trying to be all these things they weren't and none of them were fucking good enough for anyone #if anyone needs me I'll be over here laying on the floor in self inflicted emotions over my own oc ok thank u goodnight #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.

[softshuji]

y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

#i was thinking abt it earlier #but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why #actually i do kinda know why. #i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me #earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject #too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i #was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often #especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d #everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just #cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even #consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural #but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other #peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something #something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they #move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less #sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can #always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response #and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone #it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything #not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i #feel like im not actually being heard or listened to #and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you' #or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore #god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it #for everyone else all the time #is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say #this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice #god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover #and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel #like they actually like me

[turtlemagnum]

thinking about how the people around me, particularly people i dont know anymore, impacted my fantasy setting. the raccoon people i added because of a friend who wanted to be a raccoon. goblins existing in the way that they do because of someone i still know who really likes a specific kind of goblin, and made me like them too. even minor things, like deciding that a character's eyes were gray because the person i was talking to also had gray eyes. there"s definitely a lot of me in there, but there's still little bits and pieces of others in there too

#a pretty significant plot point for one of my characters is heavily inspired by stuff my mom dealt with #i really hope i can properly convey the gravity of the topic. particularly with tact due to how poorly i've seen it handled #in my writing i try to approach any topic with the baseline amount of empathy that people deserve. i feel *a lot*. #i sincerely hope it comes through that i care so much about so much #a particularly hurtful exchange i recently had was me casually saying that i care about a lot of things and my grandpa almost accusitorily #asked “like what” #i'm generally pretty open about what's on my mind. i try to connect with people time and time again and so often do i get nothing in return #it makes it hard to go on. sometimes. #one day. i hope i'll meet someone who cares as much as i do. cares about me as much as i care about them. #if i meet even one it'll have all been worth it. #part of me feels like saying “i can't bear to live like this anymore”. but i can. and i have. i can bare a lot actually #i don't think i'd be alive if i couldn't #there's a lot wrong in the world right now. i can't bear to watch most of it. this of course makes me feel even more guilty #at the very least i've made a habit of clicking the arab dot org buttons daily. i can't handle watching but i can at least help. #in a small way. that is. #i definitely feel like i needed to get that out of my system. rambling is what i do. after all #i feel like i have an abnormally strong will to live. i remember coming very close to a suicide attempt once. the razor actually cut into my #wrist just a little bit. i very much wanted to die at that point. on an emotional level #but i just couldn't do it. i need to live. i just need to. it'll have all been worth it. eventually. #eventually.

[silverselfshippingchaos]

it's the 23rd... you know what that means...

Happy Ash Day!

#hehe it's my day! not too many special plans other than some cake but. lots of f/o rot #my wonderful wife a.qua is canonically good at baking. i think she'd make a cake for her beloved. i get so happy thinking about a.qua! #shes the sweetest girl ever and i'm always soooo honored that she loves me too #i have a lot of f/os and i could go on forever about all the little things theyd like to do for their special pal's birthday #but also. i've been getting into x.enoblade... and have feelings for a character... i am 🤏 this close to putting him on the list #but uh. a birthday kiss perhaps? #ash rambles 💚 #but man.. just spending the day with the people that i love is really all i need. hehe so happy to be with them all! #hope everyone has a great day! #and since it's very early for me. i hope i have a great day too! #happy ash day to me~~~ happy ash day to me~~~ #i'd normally be asleep by now but. i'm very brainrotted over my wife tonight and i keep reading over some of my work about her and ash #i love this s/i so much. theyre childhood friends. shes blue and ash is red. a.qua is literally named a.qua and ash is ash #theyre red and blue. fire and water. been together forever. sometimes it really does feel like they were made for each other huh? #i have so much love for her in my heart. it makes my heart feel all skdjsjdhs when i think about her #oh but where was i #right. my birthday! i have a shit ton of fankids too so i bet theyre having fun as well #but.. on the topic of k.h s/i..... R.IKU! MY LITTLE BRO! #they arent related or anything. ash just saw him and was all 'wow who is this sassy lost child... you are little bro now' #she'd get soooo emotional just knowing that the kiddo remembered. he shoots her a text on gummiphone or even visits whatever world she's in #and ash gets all 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and hugs him so tight #but yeah. birthday. f/os. lots of fluff. the good shit fr #fun times!

[correct-bangtannies]

I don't even like men and I'm somehow already a military wife, what goes on

PS. Don't open the tags unless you want a big ass wall of text of me rambling on your screen

#hit #im just honestly so glad that I've become a lot more chill with the whole being an army thing #in the sense that i used to be a lot more attached and hyped over everything #i do still get very hyped and i do still have an attachment to them n their work but y'know just more toned down #(i mean i remember the days of staying up all night to watch award shows knowing damn well they'd always perform last) #(mma 2018 was an emotional rollercoaster like i legit cried a little from the tiredness and being overwhelmed with the performance) #so im glad im a lot more calm about the enlistment news than what i would've been say three years ago before they started to #take longer breaks and eventually announce the hiatus this year #it's like they did it in purpose so that the fandom would grow a bit more used to it n im glad to see that a huge majority are very calm #many are sad ofc but its not being treated as some kind of horrific news #if anything ppl are coping with humor including me lmao #so idk im mostly just happy for them that they're taking their VERY well deserved break before doing their service #i just hope everything goes well and is decently peaceful (as peaceful as enlistment can be at least lol) for them once they're there #now why am i rambling in the tags? bc i need to put my thoughts in order but i don't wanna clog my blog with a long ass wall of text 💀 #I'm at least relieved to know that they already have a set plan of when they're going to go and return + BH is sure af gonna keep putting #out a lot of content that they've filmed over all these years #i mean run bts; documentaries; probably even music and ofc not all of them are gonna go at the exact same time #and ofc stuff related to the HYYH and Chakho #them being absent won't as hard for most hopefully #and hey 2 years aint nothing ive waited far longer for stuff to come out than that we'll be fine! #*cries in silksong and the YOI movie

[icewindandboringhorror]

*screenshots the highlights of my youtube to mp3 downloads folder as if it were some fancy aesthetic spotify wrapped image or whatever* 

#I don't know how spotify works I'm not sure how the images people share are actually generated but you know what I mean lol #Though I do wish the native windows music player thing kept track of like.. how many times you listened to a song or something #merely because I think it would be really funny for me since I'm very much a like 'listen to the same 3 songs on rotation for literally #4 months at a time. then eventually rotate in another few songs to replace those. never revisit any of them again' type person #And like most media I have a lot of trouble connecting with music or ascribing it the same deep meaning that most other people seem to get o #ut of it like. I think maybe it has something to do with my emotional range in general being very shallow (I am neutral 90% of the #time and even when I'm not I just don't feel things very strongly. when I do feel antyhing it's weak fleeting emotions usuually that #I don't even remember a few days from then. You know how babies don't have object permanence? It's like I don't have emotional permanence lo #l. Which is probably standard for like. severe childhood neglect situations where nobody was around for you to mirror their #emotions in early childhood or whatever usually happens when people are being raised. Like if nobody was there to encourage the development #of emotions and show what those look like then maybe your brain just doesn't develop them properly or etc. etc. ANYWAY gjhjhb) #I think maybe that has somehting to do with why it's just really hard for me to care about media of all kinds - and even when I do it's not #very deep. Also probably why I've never really been in a fandom or gone to a concert or been really into anything like that. Because people #form deep emotional connections and memories and attachments to their favorite media and I just like... don't #I can still like things!! But it's always in a more like.. intellectual kind of cognitive way if that makes sense? Like if I liked a TV show #it would never be becaise I find the message heartwarming or the characters relatable or because it made me FEEL something. It would be bec #ause the lore is cool and I like to analyze it. Or I think there's an interesting social dynamic going on which is fun to kind of pick #at the innerworkings of. And if I like a song like.. it's not because This Music Got Me Through A Hard time In My Life or because #I relate deeply to the lyrics or it makes me feel a certain way - it's usually because the overlapping of instruments or thetones that are #used interests me or there's something intruguing or cool about it to hear. Part of why I like classical or choir music is that there's oft #en so many instruments playing over each other it's like a little puzzle to try and hear each part seperately or etc. etc. #Which isn't to say that I can NEVER relate to or feel some sort of attachement or idea related to a piece of media. but just that it's not #ever very strong. like not powerful enough to be some significant motivator or pivotal aspect of my personality or etc. #BUT ANYWAY. I still can like things to a degree probably not just the same exact way as others lol. #So I rarely even listen to music that often (maybe once a week or so? I'll listen to like one song or two. but I'm not like a 'have music on #in the background playing in the house all the time' or 'listen to music while I get ready' type) but when I do it's very repetitive. I do #think it would be interesting to see the statistics then lol. I thought windows media player used to track statistics so I wonder why the #'updated' version of that on windows 10 doesnt??? Maybe bc they assume everyone is using streaming services instead? stinky #I don;t think the built in music player on my phone tracks anything either. It's more of just a file accessor or something. hmmgbb #That alone will never convince me to actually use some service to get music though lol. I don't need the statistics. yttmp3 for life babey

[lhrry]

i've got so much respect for what coldplay do

#watching their shows (I watched the music of the spheres live for reference) always reminds me this is what I want to do and am meant to do #and why im working in entertainment #in a way that is very similar to harry's shows I actually think Chris Martin and Harry are very similar performers in some aspects and mum #said so today as well after the screening so that's fun #anyway one day you're watching the msfar video and it's valid and it's true and it's something that needs to be addressed and the other day #you're watching something like that happen so many people being so connected and feeling so alive #and being so filled with love thanks to music and all that Coldplay do and it's not mutually exclusive and never will be #id bet often that's what makes it worth it for people like harry apart from the fact that he loves music so much but that he really is #giving so much to people and sees so much energy and excitement and love and emotions like that's always been what I personally wanted to #do #to be able to make so many people feel so much and feel so passionate about sth and so alive #ANYWAY I DIGRESS #so I grew up with and around Coldplay in the sense that my brother listened to them when they were kinda small and alternative so so much #and I never really came to grasp just how huge they got and yes I know they are the biggest band of the century Alkdjlk but that's the #absolute magic of it #I've got so much respect for how diverse their sound is and the different directions they've branched out into which makes them kind of #universal rather than alienating for certain groups of fans #they do keep everybody happy staying true to their roots and growing and they're feel so /normal/ but larger than life and #there's hardly anyone in this age who's shows will be /this/ healing and huge and life-changing as theirs are and the way they carry it is #unbelievable and Chris Martin in particular is an absolute genius like the energy he has and the humanity he displays is unmatched #they manage to connect so so many people in so many moments and their music branching out does that and so does the way their shows are #built and yet they're not afraid to be political which is so so important which such a huge platform and instead of taking it as a divide #they're using it to connect people like they used such a huge show to perform an iranian song #also people of the pride made me lose it as always Chris Martin ages like fine wine (damn) and I could've done without the puppets #and fix you is one of the greatest songs ever written rant over #wow so many typos excuse autocorrect at the who's instead of whose etc

[crescentfool]

with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.

i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.

heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."

knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.

it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.

i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!

i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!

#lizzy speaks #hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023 #but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me #so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s #it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything #and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are #all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it #for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet' #and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient- #kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an- #instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.' #like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space #and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i #some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues- #our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol #but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard- #of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works #i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things. #in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive' #but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity' #...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people! #who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish! #thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories! #and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more #it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly! #ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves #as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like #wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!

[jimines]

.

#this is just a little vent/update on some stupid shit going on on here regarding someone i won’t name #but i need to talk about it and vent bc im so frustrated at this whole thing #so i cut a friend off recently.. told them in a *very* heated message how i felt about all the terrible shit they'd said and done recently #and demanded they do not try to contact me anymore and blocked them immediately after #no surprise 5mins later i got two anons from them in my inbox trying to start a fight however i blocked the IP after those two #i even went so far as to disable my webpage for a few days to try and deter them both from sending anons and from stalking my page #and i shouldnt have had to unblock them to tell them for the second time to leave me alone and to stop trying to start things with me #because the last time we argued it was six weeks of emotional damage that i am still really messed up from #after all this it was radio silence - or so i thought #because i've received word now twice that this person has been saying untrue things to friends of friends #trying to start drama and rumours all because i cut them off and they didn't get that fight and that last word they so desperately need ? #i just…why? why why why? why does everything have to become a drama? this is why narcissists scare me.. #it took me over a year to realize thats what they are and that id been manipulated so fucking bad.. which is nothing short of embarassing #the way this anxiety has been weighing on my chest lately and dulling my time here is something that shouldnt be happening #im so so tired of all of it.. the drama and the fights and the rumours.. i physically cannot go through this kind of thing again #idk if anyone is reading this but im sorry for being so absent and unresponsive and (often times) really negative on my blog #its just so hard to be happy and positive and excited when this potential drama is looming over me day after day ya know? #im trying to push through and be here because i genuinely WANT to be here but its so fucking exhausting sometimes im constantly paranoid #i pray things will come to a rest and nothing will explode bc mentally i cannot take it anymore and i wont be sticking around in that case #i refuse to put myself through the emotional trauma that nicole put me through again. i REFUSE. so if i suddenly deactivate this is why. #but i wont be going down alone thats for sure #c.text

[noxtivagus]

HSJFKDKSK I MISS PLAYING FFXIV

#— says me when i literally just played it two days ago #fr tho listening to stormblood ost feels just especially nostalgic #it reminds me of all the things of ffxiv that i used to love (and still do!) so much #and all the things i miss :( #like doing ivalice raids was such a treasure #and beast tribes ! i used to be so consistent w them i have nearly all my beast tribes maxed out ! #i've been slacking on arr (i did max out the ixali tho) + i haven't even started on endwalker #pls ameliance is the only custom delivery i haven't maxed out. i haven't even unlocked her T_T #before endwalker came out i was nearly maxed on a lot of classes and stuff despite only playing for half a year #in summer months i remember playing so consistently. i spent a lot of time actually having fun w my friends iirc #school started more stress combined #thinking on back then damn younger me really needed a hug T_T #wtf does that say about me now when i'm struggling w very similar things as back then 🤨 #my notes from back then are just as sad as now hhhhh #'social life sucks' 'bottling my emotions' 'too little time' 'missing out' 'no motivation' 'i cant write anymore' #'so many possibilities paths and regrets' 'curiosity breaks me' 'yearning for the past' #huh reading the ff quotes i also have written here are so embarrassing #anyways more from me back in november 'my mood seings are on a whole other level these days huh' haha #'finding that inspo to write again but i still cant find the words' 'when i can write again ill know that my im fines arent lies anymore' #'i want to be a pillar for those around me but how can i be when i can't even support myself properly?' #'you want to be there for others but... god you dont even have yourself put together. but it makes you smile so much when you help others.' #'its alright to be selfish sometimes you know? to admit that you feel overwhelmed' #'caught up in the past. catching up in the present. thinking about the future' #i have a lot written down here ah reading the old things i write feels so comforting. i still feel the same way as i do from ages ago #'just lose yourself to music and to the silence... you're in that moment all alone and it feels so nice' #no wtf i'm reading all this rn and even when i'm in pain i write in a somewhat poetic way ouch it hurts me and leaves me vulnerable? #NOOO I WAS GNA DO SMTH AN HOUR AHO BJT I FORGOT oops #time to pull myself out of this daydream i can mull over my thoughts again later. now it's time to move and be fucking productive #my muscles ache actually can i just go back to sleep T_T #my arm actually rlly hurts rn idk why but my sleepy ass has the urge to do smth stupid instead of rest

[kaijutegu]

Aug ABSOLUTELY deserves the praise, @ryukikit. St. Augustine Alligator Farm is one of my favorite animal facilities, hands down. It's a pretty zoo, doable in an afternoon if you kinda like crocodilians, or an all day affair if you REALLY like crocodilians. Here are my favorite things about it and why I think it's worth supporting.

1. They keep animals in interesting social groups.

Crocodilians are heavily involved parents, but most places that breed them don't have the enclosure space to let the babies stay with the parents. St. Augustine does. One of my favorite groups was their crèche of slender-snouted crocodiles. They had the parents and then a yearling cohort and a new hatchling cohort. This aligns with how these guys live in the wild- the babies stick around longer! They have the space for it, and they are very in tune with the social needs of their animals.

Very, very few zoos can keep their baby crocs with the adults and still perform maintenance and animal health checks safely. This doesn't mean these facilities are bad- it just means that they have different management practices. And frankly, a lot of these species aren't frequently bred elsewhere. Your average zoo doesn't need a setup where you can have a multiyear crèche for slender-snouted crocodiles. Some species have better success when the young are pulled early, and some zoos are better set up to raise out any offspring separately or behind the scenes. Every facility's practices are different, and this just happens to work well at St. Augustine and be really enjoyable to see as a zoo patron.

Crocodilians are exceptional parents and very protective. It's a sign of incredible animal management practices and animals that feel very comfortable with staff that St. Augustine can do this with nearly every species they breed.

2. They understand the social needs of their animals.

Some crocodilians are social. Some are solitary. Some can live happily with a member of the opposite sex but get territorial around members of the same sex. St. Augustine pays incredible attention to their social groupings to ensure that they aren't just meeting the animals' physical health needs but their social needs as well. They do continuous scientific research about social structures in crocodilians, taking blood samples to test stress hormones and observing stress behaviors to see how group dynamics change.

For example, St. Augustine is home to one of the world's largest known living saltwater crocodiles, Maximo. And his comparatively tiny mate, Sydney. During the educational presentations with these two, they point out that even their monster of a croc needs his social group- he won't eat if she's not around and he is calmer during medical checks if he can see her. These animal share a deep and special pair bond, and they make sure to talk about how the social aspect of these animals' lives is integral to their care. It's a unique aspect of the way they talk about these animals, because he IS a spectacle and he IS a sensation, but they don't talk about him like he's a mindless killing machine- they talk about him like he's a big, complex predator with social needs like any other animal. Aug is the only facility I've been to where the emotional and social needs of crocodilians is part of the education they provide guests- and speaking of education...

3. Their demos and presentations are extremely good.

The presentations at St. Augustine are some of the best I've ever seen, and I've seen literally hundreds of animal talks on everything from aardvarks to zebras. But as you... can probably tell from my blog content, I've spent a lot of time learning about and working with reptiles. I really enjoyed all of their presentations because they are very scientific about things and avoid sensationalism. They really want you to be fascinated by these creatures and love them- but more than anything else, they want you to respect them.

Also, they do a really good job handling their ambassadors. I really enjoyed something as simple as watching an educator tell us about snakes. Throughout the whole presentation she made sure that most of the snake's body was looped in her hand. The snake was always supported and was very calm. She gave the snake plenty of head room so that it didn't feel constricted- it was just good handling all around.

But also, the presentations made it clear how much the park cares about the animals' well-being. When they do the feeding and training presentations, they make it very clear that the animals' participation is entirely voluntary. They do things differently for their 9-foot saltie and their 16-foot saltie, because the 16-footer is so large and heavy he actually struggles walking on land sometimes. They adapt their programs and his care to ensure that he's completely comfortable- and he didn't actually participate in the whole feeding when I was watching! At no point did they try to push him into anything uncomfortable; they offered, he didn't engage, and they moved on. It was a clear expression of his boundaries, and I really appreciated how much his caretakers respected that.

4. Ethical Interactions

I've been to... a lot of tourist locations in Florida that have animals you can hold. Almost always against my will! Many of them are pretty terrible, and you don't actually learn much, if anything. But I really found that to not be the case at St. Augustine. Every single animal presentation and interaction opportunity was accompanied by education about the animal's biology, habits, and- crucially- their conservation status.

When I held a baby alligator at St. Augustine, the proctors- there were two, one to ensure I was holding the gator correctly and the other to educate- were very informative about the role alligators play in their ecosystem and their conservation history. The animals were all properly banded, and one of the two proctors was there to ensure that none of the baby alligators were uncomfortable. As soon as they started getting squirmy or tense, they were removed, unbanded, and taken to an off-exhibit area to relax. And when the babies age out of petting size, they just go in the lagoon to live with others of their species. I saw one upset alligator the entire time I was there, and he was clearly upset that his escape attempt was foiled by a keeper during my nursery tour.

Even though he's restrained in this shot, you can see that his full body and tail are supported, and the grip, while firm, is gentle. He's distressed, but after I took this picture, she put him in his enclosure and he calmed down immediately.

Sometimes when you have petting attractions with baby animals, those animals... don't have a happy ending. (See: cub petting.) But St. Augustine's program is fine- the gators are all aged out of wanting to have mom around, there's no declawing/defanging, and they're handled with care. And it's worth it, because people love what they understand. St. Augustine was integral in raising public awareness about alligators back in the 60s when they were endangered, and now they're thriving- largely in part to programs like St. Augustine getting people to care.

And speaking of getting people to care, let's talk about their research.

5. Shared Research Results

St. Augustine is also home to more species of crocodilian than anywhere else in North America- all of them, usually. (They didn't have a Tomistoma when I visited- that may have changed.)

Because of this species diversity, it's an incredible research resource. Having every species means that you can do a lot of work comparing their behaviors, their growth patterns, and more. They've been a major research site for crocodilian biology since the 1970s. Today, they're one of the key sites for studying crocodilian play and social behaviors. They actually maintain a blog where they post copies of papers that were written using their animals, meaning that you can actually see the results of the research your admission helps fund. You can see that right here: https://www.alligatorfarm.com/conservation-research/research-blog/

All of this adds up to a zoo that provides a unique experience, tons of actual education, and transparency about what its research and conservation steps actually are. St. Augustine's come a long way since its opening in 1893, and they really do want you to leave with a new respect for the animals they care for. Ultimately, if you're a fan of reptiles, you can feel good about visiting the St. Augustine Alligator Farm- their care and keeping are top of the line, they do a ton of innovative conservation research and support for conservation organizations, and you can see this animal there:

(Gharial from the front. Nothing is wrong with her that's just what they look like from the front.)

#long post #st. augustine alligator farm #alligator #crocodile #reptiblr