#idk I just know that if I was a senior and the club I've been in for years

[momotonescreaming]

Eddie handing Hellfire over to a member of The Party is out and handing it over to Gareth is in

#stranger things #gareth stranger things #eddie munson #hellfire #momo.txt #idk I just know that if I was a senior and the club I've been in for years #was handed over to some baby freshman who just joined #when all the older members graduated out #i'd go feral

[edsloveydove]

I Have Always Seen You

pairing: eddie munson x chubby female reader

summary: of course the boy i've known since 3rd grade, the one i've loved since 7th grade, would be the one to break my heart. i never thought he would be the one to fix it too...

warnings: bullying, fatphobia, use of the word pig towards reader once, falling off a bike, blood and cut knee from falling off said bike, self-doubt and sort of self-hate i guess, cursing, mentality that reader wouldn't be 'missed' (idk if thats a warning but just in case), no use of y/n, underage drinking, reader has an older brother for sake of the story (i gave him a really basic/common name), thoughts and flashbacks are in italics!! nickanames/pet names (shortcake, princess, honey, sweetheart), reader is at least a bit shorter than eddie, very poorly edited, talks of the demobats and upside down, again like very badly edited, lemme know if i missed anything, i'm sure i have!

word count: 9k+

notes: my first fic guys and it turned into this 9,000 word monster! wild! anyway, this might be trash i honestly don't know, i have no perception of it, pls let me know what you think!! also, this story is told in first person point of view so it uses 'i, me, myself' and all that, idk how i feel about it though tbh. uuuuh, enjoy!!

DON'T REPOST MY WRITING OR SHARE IT TO OTHER PLATFORMS (including mentioning it in tiktok comment sections and stuff like that pls) THIS IS MY WRITING, DON'T STEAL IT PLEASE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sweltering midwestern heat was hitting Hawkins, Indiana early this year. School had only been out for a few weeks and it was already hot enough to have the city pool passing the max capacity damn near every day. 

Luckily for me, I had been able to successfully avoid going every time my friends have asked me to join them. Until now. 

“C’mon, it’s gonna be so much fun! Steve’s parents are gone again, like usual, so it’ll just be us and a few other friends!” Robin tries to convince me through the phone.  

“Robin, I never believe ‘just us and a few friends’, because it is ne-”

“It’s never just a few friends, I know. But this time it really will be just a few people. Like, actually just a few people. After everything that happened during spring break and all that, Steve really just wants the main guys there. There’s not gonna be any crazy partying, we’re gonna swim and relax, that’s it.”

“I don’t know, I might be busy tomorrow,” I attempt an excuse. 

“Then we’ll move it to when you’re free. We really want you there, you haven’t gone to any of our movie nights or other hangouts yet,” Robin points out while saying my name softly. “Is it something else? Is there someone you don’t want there?” 

Robin isn’t entirely wrong, there is something else that’s keeping me from joining my friends. And technically it does have to do with someone, but not in the way she thinks. And that someone happens to be none other than the Eddie Munson. 

I’ve known Eddie for many years. My older brother was one of his best friends while growing up having met in elementary school. James was in the grade above Eddie, and the one to introduce him to D&D, eventually passing on the title of Hellfire Club President to him as well. I was always in the background, hoping my brother would let me learn how to play just so I could impress him and his friends. 

While they were occupying the basement, getting pizza and bottles of Coke every other Saturday for their stupid role-playing game, I was in my room reading trashy romance novels and out riding my bike to the library in hopes to seem cool when I came back late at night. 

By the time I got to high school, it was James’ second to last year before he went off to college in Chicago on his big-shot football scholarship he managed to snag before he was even a senior. And yes, James was a Hellfire nerd and a star-athlete, so no one messed with their little club while he was there. Eddie was in his sophomore year, already antsy to graduate and move on to greater things. 

I was just the outcast that didn’t even have a group. It didn’t matter that I was the captain of the football team’s little sister, I never made any friends because I never tried to. 

Needless to say, yeah, Eddie and I had some history and maybe things got brought up when Vecna was trying to take over the world that might have been better left untouched. And maybe the idea of seeing him again brings butterflies to my stomach while also making my gut sink. 

“No, it's not that. I just…I guess I just haven’t been feeling it since…since yanno,” I say, half heartedly. 

Robin voices her understanding and tells me to just call back when I make a decision on if I would go or not. I promise her I will and hang up the phone. It’s not like I didn’t want to see them, because truly I did but it also wasn’t a complete lie when I told her I hadn’t been feeling quite right since the Venca situation. 

It was a really traumatic and horrible experience for everyone involved, and really astonishing that everyone made it out alive. 

‘Maybe I should just go…but what if it’s horrible? I know none of my lovely friends would ever say anything to me about it, but I just can’t stand the thought of them seeing me in a swimsuit, especially Eddie.’ I shake my head at the thought. ‘What a stupid thing to think, god, we all nearly died and I’m worried about my stomach in a swimsuit, how shallow is that? I guess some things just never change, no matter the life threatening situation…’

I go about my nighttime routine, washing my face and making sure no lights have been left on around the house. I say goodnight to my mother and fall right asleep. Or, I try to at least. 

But my mind keeps me up for much longer than I would have hoped. 

‘It would be a good time, though. Have a couple of beers, spend the night in one of Steve’s nice guest bedrooms. I wouldn’t even have to swim, I could just say I’m on my period or something. Ugh, but Robin knows that I always swam even on my period when we were younger. I’ll just wear a suit under my clothes and pretend the water is too cold even though it’s the peak of summer? Yeah, that should work. I can’t imagine anyone will care that much anyway if I’m not in the pool with them. I really do miss my friends.’

~ 

The next morning I call Robin and tell her I’ll be there tonight. She squeals in delight and tells me how happy she’ll be to see me.

Now it was just time to pick out an outfit, should be simple enough, right? 

Well, after leaving it to the last second and now only having about 15 minutes to get to Steve’s when it’s already a five minute drive, having half of my closet strewn about my room doesn’t seem like a very good place to be at. 

I finally sigh and opt for a swim suit from the summer before that I never wore, a green one piece with a wrapped sort of style for the top portion, and black cut off shorts and an old t-shirt that fits comfortably loose over it. 

I grab my keys and kiss my mother on the forehead, reminding her I wouldn’t be back till the next morning. 

Several shouts of my name reach my ears once I reach Steve’s backyard, it does bring a small smile to my face knowing I’ve been missed just as much as I’ve missed them. 

“You’re actually here, I’m so happy to see you!” Nancy says pulling me in for a hug, Robin joining on top, squishing us all together. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know it’s been a while. I’m sorry.” 

“No, you don’t have to be sorry, it’s been a really hard year,” Nancy says sincerely. 

Steve comes up for a hug next, squishing me for dear life, I could feel him about to try to lift me up and spin me around so I pull away rather abruptly. 

“Alright, alright, it’s nice to see you, too, Steve.”

He answers with a kiss to the cheek and makes me promise that I’ll come to the next hangout and every one after that. I see Jonathan and he waves with a small awkward smile. 

Finally my eyes meet Eddie’s. 

~

“James! James! C’mon, come outside and play with me!” It was nearing the end of summer before James would go back to school for his 8th grade year and I would be going into 6th grade. 

“Not right now, can’t you see that I’m busy? I’m too old to play outside anyway,” my brother rolls his eyes. 

I hop down the stairs so I can see the basement fully now. Spotting all of my brother's friends huddled around our dinky old card table while he has books and notepads sprawled on his end. 

“Well, can I at least play your game with you guys? I’m sure I can learn it fast!” I beam, faking confidence in hopes to sway them. 

“No offense, shortcake, but it’s probably too confusing for you. Besides, we’re right in the middle of a campaign, it would be too hard to add in another character out of the blue right now,” Eddie says with a chuckle, like the idea that I could play is too amusing to even consider. 

Naturally, I take full offense. 

“Fine! You’re all so annoying, I didn’t even want to play with you anyway. Especially not with someone who has a buzzcut!” I stick my tongue out at them and run away, but not before I can hear them laughing. 

Sitting alone in my room I know it was childish of me, especially for my age. James was probably right, he was too old to be outside playing tag with his sister. I was too old to be throwing a tantrum like this over some friends wanting to spend time with each other without one’s little sister hanging around. 

~

“Hey, Munson.” 

Eddie nods his head in greeting and goes back to talking with Jonathan. Well, that’s honestly about as much interaction as I expected to get from him tonight. 

“Alright, let’s get this party started!” Robin exclaims, dragging you toward the cooler filled with ice and drinks, I grab a Sprite to start with. 

2 hours later and my Sprite is still mostly untouched and it’s now gone lukewarm. The others are in the pool splashing and playing chicken, I sit on the side with my feet dangling into the shallow end, watching as they fool around and laugh. Giggles and quiet laughs leave my lips on occasion with them. 

“You should get in, the water’s really nice!” Nancy says. 

“Yeah! Strip for us and get in here,” Robin adds, making everyone laugh. 

“You guys just want to get me out of my clothes, don’t you?” I play it off, shaking my head slightly. Giggles erupt again. I excuse myself to the bathroom after pulling my legs out of the pool. 

Closing and locking the door behind me I look at myself in the mirror.

‘I should just get in the pool, shouldn’t I? I do feel like I’m missing out on what could be a lot of fun. And it wouldn’t hurt to wash all this sweat off of me. I could just keep my shirt on, I have an extra change of clothes as backup anyway.’ 

I finish my business and leave the bathroom. 

After turning the corner to go back to the pool I run straight into something firm, nearly being toppled over before hands are at my forearms to keep me from doing so. Seeing dark curls fanning across this “something’s” shoulders and several patches of dark ink on its bare skin, I immediately know I have just run head first into Eddie. Great. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” I murmur, keeping my eyes pointed down. 

“It’s alright, shortcake. No harm done right?” he says, adjusting his head to try to catch my eyes. 

I nod my head and pull away from his hands that still rest gently on my arms. 

“Hey, hey, what’s up? You’re so quiet tonight, is everything okay?” 

I nod again and pull away harder, rushing out the door to get back to the pool, ignoring his call of my name and a request to “just hold on a second.” 

Pulling my shorts off quickly, I step up to the pool and begin to wade into the water before Robin stops me. 

“Your shirt! You don’t want the chlorine to ruin it!” 

My heart thumps, thinking of how I can handle this. My mouth opens to say something but before I can, Robin cuts me off. 

“Just take it off, no one’s gonna make fun of you for being in your swimsuit and if they do I’ll beat them up for you and then we’ll all collectively agree to throw them out of the group. And don’t try to tell me that’s not what it is, I can see it all over your face. You’re allowed to have fun and go swimming, I don’t like to see you excluding yourself, no matter the reason,” she says. 

Of course she would see right through any lie I could throw her way. That’s just how Robin is. No matter how clumsy she can be, she really is observant. Not only that, but she’s right. Nobody cares and if they do, that’s their problem. 

I rip off my shirt and dive into the pool trying to minimize the time in which people could see me without it. Immediately finding Steve’s legs I yank his ankles so he falls backwards into the water with an unnecessarily loud screech. 

It makes the rest of us laugh loudly until Steve comes back up for air with a thirst for vengeance. He chases me around the pool, not for long considering he’s such a strong swimmer and I’m really not trying very hard to get away from him, and catches me easily. His arms wrap around my waist and I cringe as his hands nudge my stomach, scolding myself for the action right after. Steve doesn’t care about my stomach, if he did, he wouldn’t be my friend. 

“That really wasn’t very nice,” Steve says and starts lifting me out of the water. 

“Steve, hey. Steve! Steve, no, I’m too heavy! Stevie, no! Bad Stevie! Bad!”

I’m thrown in the air as far as he can get me and I splash back down. 

I come up spluttering for breath, “Oh, you are so dead, Harrington!” 

All at once the rest of us are splashing and dunking him over and over, until he pleads mercy. Shrieks and squeals of glee and what might be considered laughter fill the air as everyone gets their turn being thrown into the water. 

Eddie comes back out from the house and cannonballs in the middle of our ‘hate on Steve’ fest. 

Eventually I end up back on the side of the pool in my shirt with just my feet in, this time so I can enjoy a fresh soda and mellow out a little, not to make myself smaller. Nancy and Jonathan have called it a night already, leaving Steve, Eddie, and Robin in or by the pool with me. 

“I never noticed this scar? Where did you get it?” Robin points to my knee. 

~ 

The nice old librarian put a hand on my shoulder gently to get my attention, telling me the library would be closing soon and it was best I head home, I hadn’t realized how late it already was. I pack everything together as fast as I can, quickly saying goodnight and unlocking my bike, trying my hardest to race home before the sun sets. 

The wheels of my rickety bicycle pump faster and faster and in my haste I bump over a high curb without realizing, flying off and onto the pavement. 

Tears spring to my eyes as air is sucked in through my teeth. I take a look at my knee and see a small dribble of blood seeping down it, my hands have little scrapes all over, spotted with little beads of red. 

Not the worst I could have gotten from a bike incident, but bad enough to keep me from being able to ride the rest of the way home. It’s not far, but so much for getting back before the street lights turn on. 

About 15 minutes later I make it into our backyard, dropping the two wheeled contraption from hell into the grass and stumbling through the door, all while sniffling back sobs. 

“Oh hey, shortcake! James was starting to get worried about you, you really shouldn’t walk alone at night yanno? Next time ju-” Eddie cuts himself off after seeing the state I’m in. Of course he had to be the one to see me like this. Anyone else could have been sent on snack duty tonight, but it just had to be him. 

“Oh my god, what happened?” He walks up to me. 

I shrug my shoulders and look away. I catch a glimpse of how bad my knees and hands have gotten on the walk home. Blood drips down both knees, my left knee looking significantly worse than the right. Dirt and pebbles cover my palms along with streaks of crimson. 

“Don’t do that, sweetheart. Tell me what happened? Please?” 

I still don’t say anything, fresh, hot tears welling up and already spilling out. I refuse to let stupid Eddie Munson see me like this, all it would be is more leverage to make fun of me with. 

He pulls my hand gently until I’m sitting down. Eddie appears in front of me with a first aid kit a few seconds later, carefully cleaning the gashes on my knees and scrapes on my hands with alcohol wipes. 

“Did,” he lets out a shuddering breath, “Did someone hurt you?” 

“No, god no Eddie, I just-, god this is so embarrassing, I just fell off of my bike is all,” I mutter, not really wanting him to hear the words as they come out. 

“S’ not embarrassing, stuff like that happens. I just wish you would have told me, here I was thinking the boys and I were going to have to band together to cause hell for our favorite little goblin,” he says. 

“You’re just trying to make me feel better, you guys wouldn’t really do that, I guess James might. Most of you guys don’t even really like me that much anyway, you don’t have to lie,” I whisper.

“That’s not true! Of course we would stick up for you!” he says like he’s shocked that I would think the opposite. 

I just shrug my shoulders again and wipe my eyes, still avoiding looking him in the face. 

“Here, let me help you up to your room. That can’t feel good to walk on,” he pulls me up from the chair and goes to lift me into his arms. I jump out of his reach before he can. 

“It’s okay, I got it. Just- you better get back downstairs before they start worrying. I’ll take care of myself.” 

“What? No, you’re basically limping just standing here, shortcake, let me carry you, it’ll only take a minute?” He phrases it like a question. Asking but also sort of demanding. 

The idea is actually really nice, and I want to say yes to it. It would be like when the prince finally gets the princess in all those books I’ve read. Eddie could sweep me off of my feet and whisk me away. 

But I know better, I know that he wouldn’t be able to lift me. Even if he could he wouldn’t so much as glance at me, again, I’m just his friend's little sister. Here only because this is where she lives. 

“No thank you, I’m okay. Go ahead and go back to your game, I’m sure they miss you already. Nobody would even notice if I were gone, but they’ll practically riot without you,” I try to cover how deeply I believe those words with a laugh as I wobble away and halfway up the stairs before he can stop me. 

~

“Um, I guess I don’t really remember. It’s probably just one of those super old scars you forget are even there,” I say, even though I recall the night I got it vividly. 

Eddie’s eyes meet mine from the other side of the pool and they look almost…hurt at the possibility that I might not remember that day. Well, he didn’t get to feel hurt about it. He made it clear that he doesn’t care how I feel when we were in the upside down. 

“Hmmm, yeah, I have, like, tons of those actually,” Robin says, “This one is from my cat, Steven, and this one-” 

“You have a cat named Steven?” I cut her off. She gives me a look that says ‘duh’. 

“But what about Steve? Like human Steve? Was this before or after you became friends? And how has this never come up before?” I practically shriek. 

“Believe me, it has come up before. And yes, before she tells you otherwise, it was after we became friends,” Steve says, settling down beside me while throwing his arm around my shoulders. 

“That is not true! I found him outside the mall before we became friends! We may have been working together at that point, but we were not friends yet!” Robin shouts. 

“We were friends, she’s just embarrassed that she named her cat after me,” Steve whispers in my ear, making me giggle like a schoolgirl. 

Even though I’ve never seen Steve romantically, he still had the ability to reduce me to feet kicking and hair twirling. 

“What’s wrong with you, Munson?” Steve asks, noticing the scowl covering his face that usually carries a bright smile. 

Eddie shakes his head, “Nothing man, just thinking about how I don’t have a beer in my hand right now.” 

~ 

A call of my name breaks my gaze away from the mirror. 

“You almost ready? It’s time to go!” James yells, entering my room. “Hey! You look great! It almost feels like I’m sending you off to prom already,” he says wiping fake tears from his cheeks. 

I shove him in the chest and readjust my hair and the straps to my dress for what feels like the millionth time. It was a rather simple looking thing considering I had to sew it myself since the only dresses even near my size were too far out of theme for the 8th grade Winter Snowball or they were simply just ugly. 

Light blue and white fabric lays delicately across my shoulders and down to my knees, matched with white slip on shoes and silver snowflake jewelry. 

“You look really nice, seriously. I know how nervous you are, but it’s gonna be okay, I promise,” my brother assures me, slapping my shoulder much harder than necessary to push me towards the door, “Now it’s time to get your butt moving, let’s go!” 

When we arrive at the dance I immediately catch eyes with Robin and speed walk to her. James goes wherever he's needed for volunteering. 

After about 45 minutes the first slow song of the night comes on as I sit contently by myself at the far end of the bleachers. I wasn’t sad to not be dancing with anyone, I was honestly sort of relieved that I hadn’t had to dance all night. But watching all the couples on the dance floor does make my heart ache just a little. 

“I haven’t seen you dance all night, what’s that about?” 

“Why are you here?” 

“Ouch, shortcake, I don’t even get a hello? And what, I can’t come volunteer with your brother?” Eddie says, fake hurt painting his face. 

“It just doesn’t seem like you, I guess.” 

He sits down next to me leaving at least enough room for another person to sit between us. He hands me an unopened juice box. 

“Seriously though, why aren’t you out there? You don’t have someone you wanna get cozied up with on the dancefloor?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me in his typical annoying Eddie way. 

I roll my eyes, as my stomach twists with shame. He’s mocking me, isn’t he? 

“Nope. I’m okay with it though. Honestly I was perfectly happy just sitting here. Until you showed up that is,” I say with a shrug. 

“Oh really? Well, gosh, who made you such a sour fart?” he laughs as I push him in the arm. 

“Alright, c’mon then. Pity party is over, let's go do this,” Eddie holds out his hand and raises a brow when all I do is look at it confused. “Let’s go dance, shortcake, you should at least once before it’s over.” 

“Um- I-” I’m at a loss for words. There’s no way he’s being anything but friendly but my stupid heart skips too many beats to count. 

“Here, I need to go check on James and see how the other volunteers are doing. While I take care of that, I want you to sit here and decide if you want to dance with me or not. Of course, I won’t make you do anything you don’t wanna, but if you’re up for it, I’m here,” he says, bouncing back to the drinks and snacks table. I smile giddily at his back and stay sitting. 

By the time the last song of the night played I was still in the exact same spot I had been for nearly 2 hours, waiting for Eddie to come back. 

Immediately after he left, I knew I wanted to dance with him. Of course I would. I’ve known him since I was in 4th grade and have had a crush on him for a year now. All I had to do was wait a few minutes and I would get to live out a fairytale dream. Dancing across the room in a flowey dress with the guy I liked. Of course it would be strictly platonic on his end but it could mean something more to me silently. 

So there I sat, with my empty juice box, tapping my foot in excitement. The first slow song ended and there was no sign of Eddie, but I was sure he just caught up with volunteer work. After the next 3 songs played I began to doubt myself slightly. 

‘Maybe he hadn’t actually wanted to dance like it had seemed. But he looked really sincere when asking me. Yeah. And even if Eddie is just a regular teenage boy, and he can definitely be a jerk sometimes, he’s much sweeter and kinder than most. He wouldn’t leave me hanging like that. He’ll be back any minute now, I’m sure.’ 

By the time 11 more songs had played, I knew he wasn’t coming back. Tears were smearing my mascara while I sat as still as possible on the bleachers, not wanting to draw any attention to myself.  

Of course he wasn’t being serious. He just wanted to tease me like usual, the only difference was this time it went too far. This time he was cruel about it. He could have just told me he didn’t mean it. Instead he strung me along and had me sitting here like a lovesick puppy for an hour straight. 

Who was I kidding? Eddie couldn’t be interested in me. He was my brother's best friend and had seen me grow up. I was just his friend’s chubby little sister. Wearing a dress that doesn’t sparkle and shine like all the others’, sitting alone and pouting like a baby. 

He probably thought I would crush his feet if I accidentally stepped on them. 

After persevering through another hour of horror, James finds me in my corner ready to head home. 

“All ready to go?” he asks jovially like he always seems to be. 

“Yes.” 

James picks up on my mood right away, but I’m already halfway to the car before he can say anything. 

“Okay, uh, I gotta clean up some stuff still but here,” he throws me his car keys when I turn back around, “Go get the car started yeah?” 

I nod and head out to the car when I see Eddie jogging up to the doors after me. My steps speed up hoping for all hell to avoid him. He calls my name but I don’t look back or slow down, in fact, the only thing it succeeds in doing is making me walk faster. 

My hands shake as I try to slip the key into the driver’s side door handle. Warm hands settle on my wrists. 

“Holy shit, I am so sorry, shortcake. I was so excited to dance with you, I really was, I just got caught up in helping another volunteer with something and lost track of time. I didn’t mean to forget you there all alone, I swear on everything. I know how excited you were for tonight and I am so sorry. I didn’t realize how long I had been gone until everyone started leaving and then I saw you get up and realized what I’d done, please forgive me,” he rambles off almost too quickly to understand. 

I expect tears but all I get is a deep rooted feeling of shame and anger. Ashamed by the fact that I thought he would come back and angry at myself for sitting there hopelessly when I could’ve danced with Robin at least. 

“Please, look at me. Please tell me you at least got to dance with someone else, right? You had a good time? Please tell me you at least had fun,” he pleads. 

A scoff escapes me as I whirl on him. 

“No, I didn’t dance with someone else, I sat there and I waited for you. I waited for you the whole time, and I guess that was my first mistake wasn’t it, huh? I believed you. I really thought you meant what you said to me.” 

I rip my arms out of hold. 

“You know what’s funny, too? I was actually having a really good time before you showed up. I told you as much earlier, even. I was perfectly happy to sit by myself, considering that’s how I spend most of my time anyway. I was really enjoying just watching the lights and the twirl of dresses, alone. I was overjoyed to just sit and watch Robin dance with her friends. And you had to come and- and lie to me! You made me feel special for fuck’s sake.” 

His eyes flash with guilt and he must have finally realized how much he hurt me. 

“I get that I’m not the prettiest and skinniest girl and I know that most of those kids don’t even know my name, but you do! You know me. You know me and you still forgot about me,” I pause and take a deep breath, “Do you remember what I said that night when I fell off my bike?” 

Eddie shakes his head.

“Nobody would even notice if I were gone. Nobody, not even you, I guess. You forgot about me not even 5 minutes after making me feel like the most special girl in that whole damn room. And that was really mean, Eddie. I hope you, at least, have a good rest of your night,” I step into the car and start the engine.

~ 

Steve plops down next to me holding 4 cans of beer, one for each of us. 

“I’m really happy I came tonight, thank you, for inviting me and not forgetting about me after I kinda disappeared,” I say quietly. 

Steve pats my back while Robin says something along the lines of ‘duh, of course we would never forget about you.’ 

Eddie stays silent, watching me closely. 

I put my drink on the ground beside me and lay on my back, pulling my shirt down to make sure it covers me still. I start to count the stars, just to keep my brain occupied. My eyes drift shut, my mind choosing to visit yet another memory tonight.  

~ 

It was James’ graduation party. All we had were a couple tables set up with snacks in the backyard and a bonfire, nothing too fancy. I made a simple ‘Happy Graduation!’ banner to hang across the gate for everyone to see, too. 

I’m wearing a plain white sundress and converse, I knew I would be running back and forth from the backyard and the kitchen too much for heels to be sensible. Making sure there’s enough drinks and food and ice for everyone was my job tonight. The sun is still up, melting the ice and warming every drink out here. 

James calls my name softly, “You can quit running around and tending to every little need. Come hang out with everyone for a little bit. Please?” 

I set down the metal tub where drinks are kept and walk over to sit around the fire with him and his usual friends. New faces have popped up over the years, but many stayed the same. Danny Williams, a junior who may or may not have been my first kiss when we happened to both show up at the same party and ended up playing spin the bottle together, Jason Carver, a freshman who appeared promising on the football team before switching to basketball instead, Michael Brown, a senior who’s been in the little Hellfire Group since the beginning. There are several others I don’t recognize and even more that I do. 

Of course, Eddie is there too. I just haven’t really…acknowledged him in…in a really long time. 

I haven’t necessarily been giving him the silent treatment, but I stopped entertaining the conversations he always seemed to start with me. 

Danny greets me with a smile as he sits down next to me. He even pulls his lawn chair a little closer towards mine, grinning slightly while doing so. 

“What can I do for you Danny?” I say. 

“Oh nothing. I just wanted to come sit by you, is all.” Huh. That…that sort of stumps me. 

I didn’t think Danny would even recognize me at the party, and I’m honestly even more surprised that he wanted to talk to me after kissing me. We make small conversation, butting into the rest of the group's discussion once in a while to add an opinion. 

Night had fallen and marshmallows and graham crackers were brought out for s'mores, as well as a couple of 12 packs of beer that someone had brought with them. 

I knew James had gone to several parties to celebrate winning a football game where there had been alcohol, or even just little get-togethers where it was provided. I guess now that it was only soon-to-be seniors and high school graduates, minus myself, left at the party it was time for that portion of the night to begin. 

I stand up to go in and let the others have their fun. 

“Where’re you going?” Danny asks, grabbing my hand lightly, looking up with wide puppy dog eyes. His eyes are a pretty green color. Brown eyes have always been my favorite, though. 

“Oh, I was just going to head in and call it a night. That way you all could have your fun without worrying about me dragging you down.” 

My comment makes his brows furrow, his mouth opens to say something, but he’s cut off. 

“You can stay out here, you know. No one minds having you here and I’m sure dear old James doesn’t care if you partake in a little drink, do you?” Eddie states. When did he get so close to us? 

“Even if I did care she gets to do what she wants, man. As long as you're safe about it, go for it,” James says, patting my back and taking one for himself. 

I’ve never drank before, but what the hell? James was leaving in just a few weeks now and this might be my only chance to try it. It’s certainly one of my last chances to hang out with everyone like this, at least for a while. 

After just 2 cans my tongue had already loosened significantly. Danny and I had been talking and giggling the whole time until he had gotten up to go home since his designated driver was ready to leave. 

“So, you and Danny seem pretty close suddenly?” Eddie phrases it like a question, wanting more information on the subject. 

Usually I would just hum in what could be taken as agreement or disinterest but my mind was running a little slower than normal. 

“Yeah, he and I kinda ran into each other at a party that I kinda crashed with Robin and we ended up, like, kissing and stuff,” I giggled. “But shhhh, don’t tell anyone else.”  

Eddie’s eyes widened, but that could have been a trick of the light. 

“What, uh, what do you mean by ‘and stuff’?” 

“Oh nothing. We just had one teensy tiny kiss because we were playing spin the bottle,” I say, not really thinking about it. 

Now I really know my brain is playing tricks on me because for a second I think Eddie looks pleased with this new knowledge that it didn’t really mean anything. 

“I feel like we haven’t really talked in a long time. What’s, uh, what’s been up, lately?” 

The question itself is awkward, but the way he struggled through it made it even more awkward. 

“I’ve been regular old me, Eddie. Nothing new or exciting. Although I did finish a book last night that really threw me through a loop. Oh! Actually there is something exciting! Do you wanna hear it?” 

He smiles, “Of course I do, shortcake.” 

“Well,” I take another sip of what is now my third beer, “William Gillar and Stacy Johnson have finally graduated!” I let out a squeal. 

Eddie just looks at me confused. 

“Do you have any idea what this means, Eds? I am finally free of those two asshats for the rest of my high school experience! Isn’t that amazing! I mean, it was easier to ignore this year than last year, but god I am so thrilled! No more mean notes from them calling me a pig in my locker and book bag, I can even finally find a table to sit at for lunch instead of hiding in Mr. Steerwell’s class,” I sigh happily. 

“Do you wanna know what else they did? This is so silly! They used to catch me on my walk home from school and steal my library books. How stupid is that? Why would you steal someone’s library books, right? They would run around with it so I would chase after them and then laugh at how my body would jiggle. How funny, right? I am so happy they’re gone, Eds, you have no idea.” 

Eddie has his mouth halfway open, anger flaring in his eyes. But that couldn’t be right, why would he care about a couple of high school bullies. 

“No, that’s not funny or silly. That’s been going on this whole time? And you didn’t tell anyone? God, why wouldn’t you tell someone, sweetheart? That’s horrible,” he says. 

“Meh, it’s just normal high school bully stuff.” I wave my hand in dismissal. 

“No, it’s not. Bullying shouldn’t even be considered normal anyway, but what they did to you? That goes far beyond normal, shortcake. I wish you would have said something. You know James and I would’ve taken care of them for you, right?” 

“Well, it doesn’t really matter now, does it. It’s too late,” I dismiss him and his misplaced worry. Honestly, it was nothing I couldn’t handle. He must have sensed how much I didn’t want to talk about it anymore because he dropped it. 

The night moves quickly after that, people say their goodbyes as James takes over clean up duty, considering I can barely stand up without nearly falling asleep. 

“Eddie, will you take her in and make sure she gets into bed okay?” James asks. 

That’s how I find myself being semi-dragged up the stairs to my bedroom and thrown on the mattress like a sack of potatoes. I don’t think Eddie was half as rough as my brain made it seem, to be honest. 

“Eds?” I whisper looking down at Eddie who’s kneeling by feet, gently taking my shoes off. 

“Yeah?” 

A couple beats of silence pass where I try to figure out how to word what I’m thinking. 

“I forgive you.” His movements stop. “I hope you know that. It’s probably such a silly little thing to even remember but I forgive you for forgetting to dance with me. I probably would have forgotten me, too. And…and I am sorry. I really am, for pushing you away so hard after. It was really stupid of me and I wish I hadn’t. Robin is a good friend, but you’re kind of the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend, I think. And I threw that all away over hurt feelings. Puberty, am I right?” I giggle. 

“S’ not silly to remember that. And you weren’t being stupid, sweetheart. You were hurt, you were protecting yourself and I don’t blame you for that. I should never have even walked away from you that night, but I did. And I don’t deserve your forgiveness for it,” Eddie says. 

More words mumble out of his mouth but none of it registers. Soon the noise stops and I feel Eddie’s warm hands pull my shoes all the way off, pushing my legs onto the bed and turning me to lay comfortably on my stomach. 

He must remember that’s my favorite way to sleep. 

My mind must really hate me because I swear, right before I fall asleep, I feel lips pressing gently to my forehead while a guitar calloused hand pushes hair away from my eyes. 

Of course, that didn’t actually happen because that’s not something Eddie would do. Right? Yeah, he wouldn’t…

~ 

A timid shake to my shoulder pulls me from my dozing. 

“Hey, shortcake, it’s time for you to go in.” 

There’s only one person who’s ever called me by that nickname. 

“Hm, it’s been a while since you’ve called me that…Eds.” 

I don’t know what made me decide to use his nickname. It never seemed right to use it after we drifted so far apart when James left. 

Eddie helps pull me to my feet. 

‘Hmmm, he’s always been a lot stronger than he looks. I barely even lifted myself up for him.’ 

“Oh, now you wanna be all friendly again? Using a nickname and everything? What’s this all about, huh?” Eddie says, steadying me with his calloused hands when my legs wobble.   

My brows furrow, “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Earlier, when we were in the house. You practically ran away from me. I mean, it’s just that we…we haven’t seen each other since we went into the upside down. I thought maybe,” he lets out a long breath. “Maybe things had changed or something, I guess. I was hoping we could talk about it after we all got out but you’ve been avoiding everyone.” 

“And why is that? Why do you think things would have changed Eddie?” 

~

“No! No, no, no! Edward Munson, if you cut that rope, so help me god!” 

“You know I always love when you use my full name.” 

And the bastard cuts the rope. 

The next thing I know, he’s out of the trailer doing something entirely too heroic and the exact amount of stupid he always is. 

Before I can think I shove Dustin out of the trailer, the one not in the upside down, and send him to go help Lucas. 

“No! We need to help him! Can’t you see that he needs help!” 

“I know Dustin, I know. That’s why I’m staying here. But I need you to go find Lucas and Erica and check on Max. There are others who still need our help, Henderson. Please, listen to me and go help them.” 

I turn back into the trailer before he can disagree again, locking the door to make sure he doesn’t follow. Without second guessing, I jump through the portal, landing somewhat safely on my side. 

I manage to find a bike and just a few minutes later I’m riding as fast as I can towards the bat tornado that Eddie stands in the middle of. 

“Eddie you dumb jerk, you better not be getting yourself killed!” I scream at the top of my lungs. His eyes catch mine as a look of horror crosses his face. 

“Why the hell did you follow me? I specifically told you not to!” 

“Yeah, well I specifically told you not to cut the rope!” 

We fight off the bats as best we can until they all suddenly drop to the ground. 

Eddie and I stand breathing hard, our brains trying to catch up with all of what just happened. Eddie turns to me, a grin beginning to form. 

I punch him as hard as I can in the chest. And then I do it again, and then again and again, until I’m pounding my fists against his chest over and over again. 

“What the hell?! Honey, stop, you’re gonna hurt yourself!” 

I choke on hiccupping sobs as hot tears overflow past my lashes. 

“Don’t you ever do something like that again! Ever!” 

Eddie grabs my wrists to keep me from hitting him anymore. I keep trying until I realize his hold on me is too strong. 

“Princess, you gotta stop. I don’t want to see you hurt anymore, please stop.” 

He wraps his arms around me, stroking the back of my hair, pressing soft kisses to my forehead. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay. We’re okay, I promise.” 

“That was not okay, Eddie. Not okay!” I tell him looking up into his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I really am. But look, we did it!” 

He looks down at me thoughtfully. His eyes flit down to my lips. My breath catches. 

He couldn’t possibly be… 

His lips are on mine. And Eddie Munson is kissing me. 

Both of his hands are on the side of my face, rubbing his thumbs softly across the apples of my chubby cheeks. 

I pull away, “What do you think you’re doing?” 

“Kissing my shortcake,” he says with a smirk while I grimace at the phrase. He laughs at the face I make and kisses me again. 

I kiss back harder this time, getting lost in all things Eddie. The way his hair feels soft even despite being so dirty. His lips are somehow minty. He smells like smoke and old books. 

My heart soars. This has to be proof, then. Eddie must think of me the way I think of him. I can’t imagine ever kissing someone with this much passion if it didn’t mean something more. I smile into the kiss.

Footsteps sound behind where we stand and Eddie pushes me off of him, placing several feet between us. I look at him confused and hurt by his sudden change in behavior. He refuses to meet my eyes. He even wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, looking straight ahead at Steve, Robin and Nancy appearing in front of us. 

Oh.

He’s too embarrassed to let his new friends see him with the big girl? Is that what it is? Does he suddenly regret kissing me? Was it just a heat of the moment type of deal, then? I was the closest human thing, so he settled on me for a little ‘yay the world didn’t end’ kiss?

In my whole life, I don’t think anything has hurt as much as that did. 

~

An uncomfortable amount of silence fills the air.. 

“Things got weird after James left, but you know that. We both felt it, even though we tried to ignore it. Jason started to act like he ran the damn school even though we were friends at one point. I never saw you because we were never at your house anymore. Then I got held back and we basically had every class together. Then I got held back again and you graduated. I missed you. I really, really missed you,” he says the last part quietly. Almost like he was afraid for me to hear it. I hold back a scoff.

“I missed you so much, it’s ridiculous. I just wanted my shortcake back. My sweetheart, my princess, my honey,” he laughs to himself, I stay quiet. “God, I was such a jerk to you growing up. And not because ‘I had a crush on you’ because that’s bullshit, guys shouldn’t be allowed to be mean to girls with the excuse of it being ‘romantic’. I wish I had treated you better, been a little friendlier. I never realized how much you meant to me until your brother’s graduation.” 

He takes his eyes away from his feet to glance at me. 

“Do you remember that night? It was your first time drinking and you got so sleepy I had to tuck you into bed. You had told me about you and Danny at that party and it made me jealous. I’d never really felt jealous before, certainly not like that at least. It made me realize how deep my feelings for you went.” 

I remain silent, partly because I didn’t want to interrupt him when this is the most honest and vulnerable he’s ever been, out of respect, and partly because I was utterly confused and angered by what he was saying and claiming.

“You forgave me for leaving you alone at the dance, even though I never deserved to be forgiven for that. I didn’t even know how badly you were being bullied at school until you told me, that’s not a person who deserves to be forgiven.” 

A soft laugh and a pause. “I guess what I’m saying is…is I wish things had, in fact, changed after Vecna. And I know, that’s probably not something you want to hear because I know it’s not the same for you but I figure if you’re not gonna talk to me anyway, I may as well tell you, right?” 

He takes a step towards the house but I don’t let him get far. 

“What do you mean it’s ‘not the same for me’?” 

“Well obviously you’ve been ignoring me since I kissed you so, clearly it wasn’t something you wanted.” He shrugs his shoulders. “And that’s okay. I’m not saying you have to be with me or anything, I’m just saying…I don’t know what I’m saying.” 

“I’ve been ignoring you?” I ask, dumbfounded by his idiocy. 

“Well, yeah. You haven’t even been answering the walkie.” 

“And you think that was because I didn’t want to kiss you? Not because, oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that the second Nance and the others showed up you shoved me away from you? It couldn’t have been because it was obvious you couldn’t stand the thought of being seen with me?” 

Eddie’s face drains of color. 

“I can’t help but see now that this is all you think I deserve. A quick kiss when no one can see, right? A little making out before someone can figure who you’re with, huh?” 

“No! That is not at all what that was! I can’t believe you would think that. I pushed you away so you wouldn’t be seen with me!” he shouts, cutting me off. 

“What?” 

“The whole town wanted me for murder! Murder! They thought I was running a cult that killed my friend as a sacrifice! My friend! I didn’t want you to be tied to that anymore than you already were, so I pushed you off before the others could see. If someone, somehow went yapping about a girlfriend of mine and things went sideways when we got out of the upside down, you might have gone down with me and I couldn’t let that happen. I just couldn’t. I was going to tell you all of this as soon as I could but you never let me get the chance, and I see why now. I am so sorry it looked like I was embarrassed to be with you, but that will never be the case with me.” 

He takes my face in his hands and looks me directly in the eyes. 

“You are single-handedly the most beautiful person I have ever met. Inside and out. You have always cared for me and the old Hellfire Club. Don’t think I didn’t know it was you sending cookies on our campaign nights, even after graduating. I remember when I showed up at your house looking for James because some older kids had taken my lunch money in middle school, little you went after them yourself and did one helluva job doing it. You sat me down and cleaned me up. Gave me peas to put on my forehead.”  

It was like a forgotten memory was just pulled up by his words, I did remember that. 

“I could never be embarrassed by you, ever. I don’t care what people think. I…I love you. And I love your hair, and I love your eyes, and I love your laugh, and I love your stomach and your thighs, and I love your mind. I love you and I hope you can see it. I hope…I hope you can see me,” he finishes off in a very quiet whisper, tilting his head down and away from my eyes. 

I place my hands over his that still hold my face. 

“I have always seen you, Eddie Munson. Always.” 

His head jolts up to look me in the eyes once more. 

“God, Eddie, I’m so sorry. I know you’re not a horrible person, I should have known, I’m so sorry. God, you were literally being hunted for murder and I was crying about you being embarrassed by me? I’m so fucking sorry.” 

I shake my head and take a deep breath. 

“I love you, I have for so long. I love the way you smile, I love the way you’re not afraid to take up space, I love the way you’re there for Dustin, the way you were there for me countless times. I love you and your horrible music.”

“Hey, now. Watch it.”

I laugh, “I love you and I see you and I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re forgiven, I promise. You didn’t even really need to apologize in the first place.” 

“Yes, I did. Because none of that was fair to you.” 

“And none of that was fair to you, shortcake. It’s okay.” 

I look at his lips, and that’s all the cue Eddie needs to kiss me. Finally. We put our hearts into it, getting lost in each other. Getting lost in our sudden understandings of the other.  

“We’re both really kinda stupid aren’t we? Stupid and oblivious,” I say, chuckling quietly. 

“Oh, definitely. I mean, we’ve known each other for, what, at least ten years and we couldn’t figure this out without a bunch of drama?” 

“It seems very on brand for you actually, you’ve always been one for the dramatics.” 

“I love you.” 

“And I love you.”

#eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x chubby reader #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #my boyfriend eddie #my writing

[fiercynn]

was in bed all day so i watched the entirety of the fall of the house of usher. i'm mixed about it overall, but i think it may have actually been the best plot-wise of the mike flanagan shows i've seen?

spoilers for all the mike flanagan tv shows except the midnight club (which i started and was intrigued by, but fizzled out on when i found out it had been cancelled) beneath the cut

my problem with both hill house and bly manor is that i think that plot-wise, they set up interesting stories and then can't stick the landing and go out with a whimper out at the end. they do an okay job with emotional arcs, but you can't entirely divorce the emotional journey from the bones of the story - at least, not in these kinds of stories - so the plot still matters, i think.

(imo midnight mass does not do that, it tells exactly the story it wants to tell and constructs it decently; i just found that story really boring lol.)

so while i think bly manor was still the most enjoyable of the shows to watch, the fall of the house of usher might be the best in my book at plot, and i enjoyed the way it used poe stories amd poetry with its own twists on them. and i think with a few changes could have been really good overall! here's what i would have changed:

less racism. i mean it was probably average amount of racist for both a flanagan show and, generally, a majority-white cast & crew american show, and i know the whole thing was about how horrible rich people are, but there was still so much casual racism, sigh

like 40% less monologuing. i know, i know, that's flanagan's whole deal, but it's still too much even when it's performed by actors as enjoyable as bruce greenwood and carla gugino, and isn't all about catholicism (sorry midnight mass fans)

pretty early on i thought that the reveal about what happened on new year's 1980 would be madeline and roderick killing rufus griswold. but then after roderick betrayed auguste at the deposition i was like "wait no that's too obvious, they must have killed annabel to keep her quiet about roderick's perjury" and honestly i think that would have been a better twist??? like even the bells they were hearing behind the wall made sense to me because her name was annabel! and it would have been a murder roderick felt guilty about on a personal level, and it might have made sense that he would take the deal from verna if her pitch was "you already sacrificed your wife who you loved. don't you want to make it worth it by having some certainty for you and your children for at least a number of decades?" so i was bored when my original predictable guess was right. i guess it fit better with the cask of amontillado to have it be rufus but still, less compelling

the scene with arthur showing pictures of verna throughout history was SO silly and hamfisted, i'm sorry. also the lemons speech, the worst kind of example of a flanagan monologue which thinks it's brilliant and is just...goofy

i thought maybe there was going to be a twist where lenore didn't die because her mom had actually cheated on freddie and i was upset that didn't happen :( i know it was meant to be a lesson, that roderick and madeline's deal had to apply even to the not-horrible members of the family, but i still hated it! sigh

i thought that both lulu wilson (child madeline) and willa fitzgerald (mid-20s madeline) did a much better job with the character than mary mcdonnell (senior madeline). idk something about her just didn't seem as ruthless and collected and cold?

also not a change exactly but why did no one comment on the fact that roderick and madeline usher, who are twins, one of whom was married at the time, decided to do a couples' costume as jay gatsby and daisy buchanan for new year's 1980. why

#the fall of the house of usher #mike flanagan #original

[writermuses]

Hello darlings!

I'm still alive/here. I know I owe all the things and I appreciate you all following my "queue that" rule because I haven't been on my computer to write let alone draft. In case you're wondering what I've been up to I'll give you a bulleted list of the teacher life near D.C. under the read more.

🩵 Natty

Here's some chaos:

My student pulled the fire alarm and rather than addressing that for the felony it is, kiddo is on a 1 month suspension (you get 45 days for fighting) Worth noting this student was previously expelled 2 years ago for a gun situation.

We've had 2 mob fights at my school and another at the next closest high school (they also had a stabbing and the response was "well at least it wasn't our school on the news this time")

I've had more meetings than there were days of the week and worked past 5 nearly every day (we love unpaid work... i'm talking like full time job hours of unpaid labor)

My school has gone through more than 12 principals in my 6 years here and the new one has given me 9 blocks of classes to have my students research, make posters, assemble 550 meal kits, complete a reflection, and present a summary (to whom? idk bro) All while never answering my emails... in case you're wondering it costs 20k to get the groceries for this task alone. As of right now I have 3 students that can build the 550 meal kits. We have 2 80 minute blocks to build them all or our low income families have nothing to eat over spring break 👍

Our bell schedule is changing so that we'll have 3 lunches with students required to be in the cafeteria, instead of 2 where they're in our classrooms. This will end all in school clubs (RIP Four Square Club 😢 ) and we need 350 more chairs in the cafeteria 😂 fyi I had to have 3 students standing per block for 4 weeks because we couldn't get desks and chairs for my classes of 33. When I got desks they gave me elementary cubby desks. (I teach HS. The average 'kid' is like 5'5 hahaha)

The students booed the new principal so loudly at the pep rally that I could hear it with earplugs in and she didn't send their bitch asses back to class. She said, "Hmm, I think I hear some boos? Wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last."

Here's some cute shit:

My nearly non-verbal gem of a human told me a joke: Why did the sun go to class? To get a little brighter!

That same student: His current hyperfixation is roasting my lack of an immune system. He calls me his weakest superhero 😂

In a room full of extremely politically divergent teenagers, they almost unanimously agreed that a person facing criminal charges shouldn't be allowed to run for office and then had civil discourse about it.

The hype of my Afghani students getting to teach their class the Arabic alphabet when we started our new module. (Also their hype over the teachers showing up to their club's fundraiser)

A parent made shirts for the seniors on our 🏀 team (just 4 boys). They got to pick their favorite and most impactful teacher and she wanted each one to have a different teacher wearing theirs but 2 of them insisted it be me and wouldn't budge 😭 (also one of them interviewed to play ball overseas so 🤞 for him)

A parent made the staff valentines day cupcakes

A student in culinary arts gave me a banging cinnamon roll the size of my head

A quiet student from last year came by to tell me he bowled nearly 300 and made brownies- they were not pot brownies, I took the risk and it was worth it 😂

2 of my kids with over 100 absences showed up this week! They won't pass but 👍 nice to know they're like alive

#ooc

[heartsofpearls-en]

Criminal Love : Getting entangled.

CHAPTER ONE ⸙͎۪۫｡

[Previous] [Masterlist] [Next]

Pairing ~ Jake x reader (Jisu)

Genre ~ Fake dating, contract relationship, forbidden love.

Warnings ~ contains excessive use of Cuss, angst, one or two punch scenes, kiss scenes, etc. (But nothing too over the top). Mention of Karina & Ningning (Aespa), Yunjin (Le Sserafim), Yujin (IVE), Hanni (New Jeans), Beomgyu (TXT), and Enhypen's Hyung line.

Author's note ~ idk how to use Tumblr for the love of god. So, I hope you'll enjoy this as, I've wrote it after listening to criminal love. You can also find this work on wattpad too. And as for the oc, her name will be Choi Jisu as I really don't like working with Y/N. Anyways, happy reading <3 and another thing is that, I've excluded some parts like the texts and social media parts because it would've been too lengthy.

Word count ~ 5.3k

When it comes to your first love, it usually hurts more than you think.

If you've never been in love, that's not my problem.

But the fact is, if you get dumped by your boyfriend, who you dated for a whole year, it hurts. It hurts more when you find out the fact that he was bored with you.

The current situation of Choi Jisu was that. She dated this untouchable boy, Han Renjun who broke her heart.

They dated the entire senior year, well, he was in the freshmen year. And the break-up was too painful.

But right now, Choi Jisu was more focused to get to her new dorm. She didn't know who her dorm mates were, but she hoped that they would be, a bit nice. If it's her friends, that will be an Oscar award for her.

She was already assigned a dorm room and was walking towards it. Sliding the door open softly, she took off her shoes, dragging her two big suitcases in.

She scanned the place until she heard two girls, too familiar voices. They walked out as Jisu gasped.

“Yujin and Yunjun!” She screamed, along with the girls, as they hugged each other and started to jump.

“Oh my gosh! Jiji! I never thought we'll be dorm mates." Yunjin exclaimed, pulling out of the hug as they smiled at each other.

“I guess all of us got on with our high school friends. Hanni got on with Karina and Ningning" Yujin stated as Yunjin dragged her suitcases in.

“What do you have in here? Atom bombs?” Yunjin groaned, dropping them on the living room floor.

“I'm happy that I'm living with the indistinguishable Jin's” Jisu smirked as both the girls groaned.

Well, one's Ahn Yujin and another one's Huh Yunjin. They both have 'Jin' at the end of their names, one had 'Yu' another has 'Yun'. So, during high school, the girls used to tease the hell out of these two girls because of this.

“There's still two days until the college” Yunjin stated. “And, the guys asked us to go to the club tonight” She finished as the three slumped on the couch.

“Who's gonna be there?” Jisu asked as Yujin threw her a water bottle.

“Us, means you, me and her," Points at Yunjin “Ningning, Karina, Hanni, Jay, Jake, Sunghoon, Heeseung” She finished as Jisu finished drinking and placed the half bottle on the center tea table.

“Are you certain, he'll—”

“No he won't” Yunjin cuts her off with a sigh. “You've to admit it, Jiji. Renjun is a fucking asshole that doesn't deserve you”

“That jerk deserves to rot in hell” Yujin joined Yunjin as Jisu giggled.

“Okay, I'm already trying to get over him. And I will, don't worry” She stated as the other two girls smiled at her.

“Alright girlie, we need to get dressed and,” Yujin points at a closed door, “that's your room” She smiled as they shoved Jisu's suitcases in the room with her and shut the door behind her, a giggled falling off their lips.

The strong smell of alcohol, fluttered in their noses as they walked inside the bar.

Yunjin practically dragged Yujin and Jisu inside when she spotted their friends group. They were already chugging on their drinks as the three girls approached.

“Ah! The best girls are here!” Jay exclaimed, handing out 3 vodka shots to the girls who just joined them.

“So, are you saying that we're annoying?” Karina glared at Jay as he just shrugged.

“See, except for Jisu, Yujin and Hanni, none of you are normal” Heeseung stated, as a matter of fact, drinking his whiskey.

“Dude I'm offended!” Yunjin smacks his arm as he hissed. “I'm two years older than you! You should respect me!” Heeseung screeched. His voice was really audible through the loud music, blaring through the speakers.

“I'm genuinely sorry, Grandpa” Yunjin mocked as Heeseung sighed out of annoyance.

Jisu sat herself on the barstool, along with Yunjin and Yujin as they ordered some drinks. For a certain moment, Jisu's eyes got caught with this particular Aussies boy.

Jake.

She smiled and nodded at him as he returned the same gesture, before turning to Ningning who was suddenly whining.

“You know, it's so shit that we're in college!” She exclaimed as Jisu, Yujin and Hanni scoffed in disbelief.

“Weren't you crying a few months back because you wanted High school to end?” Sunghoon mocked playfully as Ningning sent daggers towards him.

“Speaking of crying, how are you Jisu?” Heeseung asked as Karina jumped off her stool and gave a tight smack on the back of Heeseung's head. He whined, rubbing the spot as Karina sat back in her seat, gulping down her vodka from the shot glass.

“You literally poured salt on her drying wound, asshole” Sunghoon slapped Heeseung's back as he raised his hand in surrender.

“Don't worry. I'm fine and doing way better from last month” Jisu offered as smile as Heeseung smirked.

“I told you, be my girlfriend instead. I would've treated the way better than that son of a bitch” Sunghoon grudged, drinking the scotch as Jake sighed.

“He's really an asshole. He might act all smart-ass and shit, but he's just, an idiot” He said, gulping down the scotch in his glass in one go as he ordered for another one.

Jisu was about to say something but stopped when she saw an awfully familiar physique, pacing towards them with a girl.

Others stopped their bickering and looked at the boy who stood in front of them.

Han Renjun.

The boy who broke Jisu's heart and left her numb. The same boy who said that he was bored with her. He had a girl by his side who was clinging to him.

However, Jisu's face remained stoic, but fists clenching at her side. He had this beautiful, innocent face for when she fell, despite warnings from Heeseung, Jay and Sunghoon. Maybe, if she had talked to Jake, Renjun's best friend who, he shared a dorm with, wouldn't have led things too face.

The girl beside him was annoying the whole friends group. She was giggling, her hands all over Renjun.

Hanni poked Jisu on her side and slowly, entangled their hands together, just to make hr know that they were here, for her.

On the other hand, Yunjin, Heeseung and Jay looked disgusted. They didn't even try to hide it. The others threw him a glare but Jake, was disappointed.

His lips twitched, dissatisfied. He was never ever unhappy with his best friend, but now, his actions are telling him the opposite.

“Hey guys” Previously, his voice used to give Jisu butterflies, but now she felt nothing. “Meet my girlfriend” He motioned the girl to speak.

From her left side, she could already sense that Yunjin had turned her body sideways and is, making gagging noises. She hated fake people, and that girl's behavior explained everything.

If Yunjin throws up right now, it's that clingy girl's fault.

“Hey guys!” She exclaimed in a whiny tone with made Hanni, who was sitting next to Jisu, scoff. “I'm Sooji"

Multiple snorts and few coughed up laughs emitted from them during her introduction. Including, Jisu. She tried hard to not let out any sound, but she snorted.

This current situation explained everything. This girl, Sooji, wasn't welcomed here.

No matter how he dumped her over a five-minute phone call, he checked Jisu out. Karina and Sunghoon saw that as they came forward, but Renjun simply walked away with his new girlfriend, waving a small 'bye'.

Jisu didn't wasted the time to drink her third shot. They all did. Even though they were a group, the actions of Renjun had been pissing everyone off.

“Jisu” Yujin spoke out.

“I'm completely fine Yu" She offered a smile which didn't reach up to her eyes.

She wasn't jealous of that clingy girl, but her mind was messed up.

The sound of the alarm clock, startled Jisu as she groaned as turning it off. Her headache from her hangover not helping at all with this situation.

She then spotted a bottle of water and some pills on her table. She sat up and quickly gulp it down. Furthermore, she turned her head to the side and screamed.

“Fuck!” She looked at Yunjin, sitting on a chair, which was in a corner. “What are you doing here?” She hissed, messaging her head.

“The girls called. We're going for a lunch-ish brunch. So, get showered and get ready. We're leaving in thirty minutes” Yunjin spoke as she walked out of the room and shut the door softly.

A groan emitted from Jisu as she walked into her bathroom and took a quick shower and dressed up in a sage green crop top and some light blue mom jeans with, her Gucci sneakers.

She blow-dried her hair and let it fall over her shoulders as she quickly grabbed her bag and her phone and walked out of the room.

She wanted revenge, that was clear. But didn't know how to. She wanted to ask Yujin and Yunjin but she knew, they were still in hangover, and she'll get scolded.

Soon after, they walked out of Yujin's car and linked their arms together as they walked inside the restaurant. Before she could sit somewhere, Sunghoon grabbed her arm and pulled her to sit beside him. So, she sat in between Sunghoon and Hanni.

Ningning started to tell, how drunk Jay got and kissed the wall, crying. The scene played on their head as they burst into laughing, making Jay whine more.

Dude didn't like to made fun of.

The laughter soon died down as soon as Renjun walked in with his girlfriend.

“I didn't remember inviting you” Jay pointed at them as Jake sat beside him. Jake was invited too, but not Renjun and his girlfriend.

“Hey man! Don't be like that” Renjun spoke, sitting on an empty seat with his girlfriend.

Jake and Jisu looked at each other and smiled a bit. “Should I punch this asshole straight across his face?” Sunghoon asked as she shook her head. She came here to have a fun time with her friends, not to waste over some asshole.

Then, Sooji kissed Renjun and giggled. Disgust plastered on each and every one at the table, except for Sooji and Renjun.

Now, Jisu was questioning whether, she felt like puking for them or of the hangover. “I just lost my appetite” She stated as Sunghoon looked at her and Hanni grabbed her jaw.

“No honey” She shoved a piece of meat in her mouth as Jisu widened her eyes at her sudden move. She slowly chewed the meat as her phone vibrated.

Both Renjun and Sooji were eating each other's faces. It might not be believable, but Renjun and Jisu never kissed.

The drive back to the dorm wasn't really long as Yujin played some songs.

As soon as they got in their dorm, Yunjin shut the door shut as both the girls narrowed their eyes at Jisu. “What?” She asked, setting herself on the couch.

“Spill” Yunjin stated. “You're thinking about something and it's bothering you” She completed.

“Fine! I want revenge. He looks too happy and hi? He's greeting me like he didn't dump me!” Jisu ranted out as Yujin and Yunjin looked at each other, baffled.

“Got any plans?” Yujin asked as Jisu shook her head.

“Google is only saying to flirt with other guys in front of him” She stated as Yujin blinked.

“It's not like he'll get jealous of a random guy” Yujin stopped herself from snorting as she grabbed a water bottle.

“And it's not like you'll date Jake to make Renjun jealous” Bad move, Yunjin.

Upon hearing that, Jisu's lips turned up into a wicked grin. That caused both Yujin and Yunjin to exchange nervous glances.

“So, are you considering it?” Yujin asked nervously as Jisu nodded, sprinting towards her room to text Jake.

“You did it again” Yujin smacked Yunjin's arm, hard.

“I didn't mean to. Who knew she'll actually consider it” Yunjin whined, making Yujin sigh.

Jisu opened the Starbucks door and walked in as the smell of coffee immediately hit her nose. She looked around to see Jake, sitting in one corner with a book in his hand.

King of Pride by Ana Huang.

A blush crept up on her cheeks because, she read books, written by Ana Huang. Let's speak about research because her major is literature because she, particularly, wanted to become a writer.

She walked towards him and cleared her throat, making her presence known.

“Oh, hey!” Jake greeted, offering her a small smile.

“Hi” Jisu smiled back and sat in front of him. He closed the book and kept it by his side of the table.

She never thought Jake, The Jake who's good at studies and was called a nerd before they graduated from High school two years ago, would read, billionaire, smutty romance. And the main thing, Jisu was obsessed with Kai Young, the male protagonist of, King of Pride.

“I never knew you liked to read, these kinds of books” She said, looking at him as, a small smirk set upon his lips.

“Well, they say, don't judge a book by its cover” Jake smirked. Jisu knew, all nerds were freaks, and her theory was, hence, proven. He stood up and looked at Jisu. “What drink will you have?”

“Jake it's fine, I dragged you here! I should be the one to—”

“Shh. Now tell me” He looked at her intensely as she gulped.

“Vanilla sweet cream cold brew. But I should be the—” He gave her a smile and walked away.

A few minutes later, he came back with two cups in his hand and set hers, in front of her.

“I know you'll say that you should pay but, I can't let someone pretty like you pay, can I pretty?” He smiled and sat down. He was drinking an iced latte. She saw him drinking this once. “So, what's up?”

“I know it's sudden, weird and stuff, and I like…" She trailed off, searching for words but, she couldn't. She looked down at her drink and sighed. “Well, will you answer a question for me?”

“Umm, sure” He said, sipping on his drink.

“What if I asked you to pretend to be my boyfriend?” She asked straight away as Jake looked at her, baffled.

“Umm, okay”

Jisu blinked a few times at his reply.

“Is it like a question 'okay' or an answer 'okay'?” She tilted her head, confused, as Jake chuckled softly at her confused state.

“An answer. And I know you'll not just ask me to pretend to be your boyfriend. So, what's up, Jisu?” She knew Jake was smart and today, all her theories were being proven.

“Renjun” She muttered out quietly. “I want to make him jealous and when he realizes his mistake of dumping me, I'll tell him, and I'm over him” She said, looked directly at Jake's eyes, but her tummy did a flip as she diverted her eyes.

“So you're saying that we'll date to make him jealous? Sure! That asshole deserves it anyway" Jake stated as Jisu's eyes lit up.

“Alrighty! Let's lay down some rules!” She look out her notebook and a pen, amusing Jake.

“You came well-prepared" He chuckled. As she started to jot down some points.

“By the way, Jake, what's your age?” She asked, not glancing at him as she kept writing down.

“Twenty” He spoke softly, sipping on his drink.

“Nineteen” Jisu replied as she placed the pen down. “Okay! Let me spell it out for you. Rule one: do not fall in love” She stated as Jake nodded.

“Rule two: drive to uni together”

“I would've added that myself”

“Rule three: hold hands in public”

“Okay”

“Rule four: act lovey-dovey in front of our friends group”

“Yup! That's a must”

“Rule five: no kissing”

Jake smirked and looked up at her. “But don't you wanna feel my lips against yours, princess?”

Jisu's eyes widened, and her cheeks flushed with a pretty shade of crimson. “Hey." She looked at him as he raised his arms up in surrender.

Man's definitely freaky.

“Okay so Rule six: no one should know except for Yunjin and Yujin" She stated as he blinked.

“So I assume they already know about this?” He asked as she nodded.

“Rule seven: break up once the goal is reached and Rule eight: go on some dates and post each other on social media to make it look obvious” She ended and pushed the notebook in front of Jake as he read through.

“Can I write it freshly?” He asked as she nodded. He gripped the pen in his hand as he started to write the rules down. “And I'll add one more rule”

His veins popping out, making him look undeniably hot as he slid the notebook in front of her.

She looked at Jake after reading the last rule.

“Well, don't they act too clingy?” He asked as she nodded.

Rule eight was going on dates and posting each other in social media and rule nine was too much PDA.

Both of them shook their hand as they finalized the contract.

This was unexpected.

It was the first day of college, first day of freshmen year for Jisu, Yujin, Yunjin, Hanni, Karina, and Ningning. Sophomore year for Jay, Jake, Sunghoon and Renjun. Junior year for Heeseung.

Yujin, Yunjin and Jisu walked out of their dorm, just to see a black McLaren, standing outside with, a familiar blond guy, leaning against it.

It was Jake.

He had a denim jacket on and denim jeans with Prada formal dress shoes and black sunglasses. Everything about him screamed rich as Yujin and Yunjin's jaws dropped open.

They never expected that Jake, The Sim Jaeyun will come to pick up their best friend, even if they're fake dating.

“Oh you're here?” Jisu spoke, making Jake look up. He had a charming smile on his lips as he nodded.

“I came just now” Yujin and Yunjin gushed over him.

“You guys look so cute!” Yunjin squealed, pushing Jisu towards him.

“Have a great time, lovebirds” Yujin waved, walking away and getting into her car with Yunjin.

Jisu blinked a few times in disbelief as she looked up at Jake. “They definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed” She stated, making Jake chuckle a bit. He ruffled her hair and opened the car door for her.

Renjun never once held the door open for her.

She smiled and spoke out a small 'thank you' and got inside the car as Jake shut the door and jogged towards the other side and got into the driver's seat. He started driving.

It wasn't an awkward silence. Both of them felt comfortable and peace with each other. That's until Jisu spoke.

“Well, you never told me why you agreed to the contract” She stated, looking at Jake as a smirk, played on his lips.

“Why butterfly? Are you curious?”

Jisu's eyes almost popped out at the nickname he gave her. No one gave her a nickname, except for 'Jiji' which is her world-famous nickname, given by Hanni. But butterfly, princess? Never.

“I am. Never have I thought that, the Sim Jaeyun will agree with my proposal” She stated, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks.

“Well, you see, the girls on the campus are a pain in the butt. They're always asking me out, which is fairly annoying. And if they see that I have a girlfriend, who's as pretty as you, they'll stop bothering me” Jake said, glancing at Jisu then smirking. He turned back to face the road.

Jisu was as red as a tomato. The blood rushed to her cheeks, burning them.

The car comes to halt, indicating that they've reached their destination.

Sure as hell, the girls on the campus would go bonkers after seeing Jake, coming out of his car with a girl. Jisu tried to open the car door but, was stopped by Jake.

He walked out of the car and towards her side and opened the door for her. He extended a hand towards her, as she smiled and grabbed it, getting out of the car.

“You're sure as hell a gentleman, Sim” She teased as he swiftly shut the car door. He crouched down to her lever to meet her height and smiled at her.

“I am. Does that make you flustered?” He tilts his head, innocently, as he placed a kiss on her forehead.

“You're flirting with me” Jisu stated with a done tone, trying to hide how flustered he made her feel.

Nerds are the biggest freaks.

The reminder crawled up to her head as Jake smiled. “I'm doing it with my girlfriend” Jisu blinks a few times, registering what he just said.

“Fake girlfriend” She stated nonchalantly as Jake brought his hands near her hand and squeezed it a little.

“No one needs to know” He said, kissing her cheek and pulling her out of the parking lot.

“Before you lash out, Heeseung, Jay and Sunghoon were looking at our way” Jake stated as they reached the entrance.

“But, do you know where the literature classroom is?” She asked as they stopped by their lockers. Coincidentally, their lockers were next to each other.

“It's on the third floor. There are multiple rooms there, so you can check it out. And all the classes of the literature department and the architecture department in this building by itself” He explained as Jisu blinked.

“Right, you're in the architecture department” She took out some notebooks, along with her pen pouch and shoved it in her book bag as Jake did the same.

He turned towards her and ruffled her hair. “See you later, butterfly” With that, he flew away to his class, leaving Jisu who was completely baffled.

'Sim Jaeyun is dating a fresher'

The news spread like wildfire around the campus. Jisu felt a little uncomfortable, getting all the glances in the corridors.

But what bothered her more was this sudden flirty behavior of Jake. He was someone, who's unapproachable. Scholar who never had a girlfriend and, untouchable.

And him, calling her nicknames and acting flirty, surely shook Jisu but, Yujin and Yunjin almost had a heart attack, seeing Jake's drastic change.

But Jisu told herself that, it was just an act, nothing else. They weren't supposed to fall for each other, as it's simply a contract.

Suddenly, Jake came near her and slid his hand around her and squeezed it, which snapped Jisu out of her daze. They took steps towards the cafeteria as they spotted their group, huddled around in one table.

Karina and Hanni notices them and wave a hand at them. To which, both Jake and Jisu started to walk towards them. The whole group froze as they approached them. Jake asked Sunghoon to scoot a little as he sat beside him with Jisu and Yunjin was sitting next to her.

Taking a quick scan, they saw Sooji on Renjun's lap. But Jisu didn't give a damn but met eyes with Heeseung who looked at them, suspiciously.

“Fish in the air” He stated, looking or more like piercing Jake's and Jisu's soul with his gaze.

“Why is it floating?” Jisu asked, faking innocence.

Jake was silent all along. He slowly wrapped his strong arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. Yunjin noticed that and poked Jisu on her knee, as Jisu poked her back.

“Number one, we saw you getting out of Jake's car, and he placed a fucking kiss on your forehead” Jay noted, sipping on his drink.

“Secondly, holding hands to class” Heeseung added, looking at the two.

“Thirdly, Jake's smiling too much, which isn't like him” Sunghoon finished as Karina chuckled.

“It's a great theory you got there, buddy” Ningning patted Jay's back, thinking that the boys were joking around.

Hanni blinked a few times, looking at the expression of the three boys. “I don't think they're joking” She said.

“It's not! Not, at least this time!” Sunghoon argued, happy that Hanni agreed.

“Does that mean—” Karina's eyes widen.

“That they are dating!” Yujin gasped. Her acting was too believable.

“What?” Collective gasps left their mouth as Jisu tried, so hard, not to laugh out loud.

But Jake watched Renjun who looked extremely baffled. He never thought that his best friend would date his ex.

“They fucking are! Look at Jake's fucking arm around her." Sunghoon almost shouted, over dramatically.

“Guys—” Jisu was cut off by Jake, pulled her hand up to his lips and kissing it.

“It's fine butterfly. They know it now, or else they'd snack on our brain” Jake smiled at her as Ningning banged her hand on the table. That caused Sooji to flinch on Renjun's lap.

The most quiet one was Hanni, who had a pretty smile on her face, seeing one of her best friends in a lovely relationship.

Yunjin and Yujin should burst her bubble.

“They guys are right. We're dating” Jake said, pulling Jisu into a side hug as the group started to mutter out stuff.

“For how long?” Yunjin asked as Jisu smiled.

“A week” Both Jake and Jisu spoke at the same time as they started to create chaos in the table.

Jisu leaned her head on Jake's chest as they were, either debating, arguing or cussing. Her eyes fell on her ex, whose face was slightly red, and his veins were popping out on his forehead.

Jake opened the door of his shared apartment and walked inside, closing the door shut.

He walked inside and saw, Renjun, sitting on the couch with his legs on the table in front of him with a beer bottle in his hand.

He came back after dropping Jisu off, but before, they stopped by a café to take some pictures to post it online.

“So, you're dating, huh?” Renjun asked, taking a sip out of the bottle. His face showed no expression as he stared at Jake.

Jake chuckled, knowing exactly where it was going as he met his eyes with Renjun. “Yeah. No one saw it coming” He gripped on his bag, tighter and sat on the couch, across him.

This caused Renjun to chuckle along, but it wasn't as hearty as Jake's. It ended with a scoff, almost. “I especially didn't saw it coming” It kind of sounded like a taunt.

“You don't really sound happy for me, dude” Jake stated in a teasing tone.

“Why do you think so?” Renjun was trying to keep his fake smile up, but was failing.

“Your smile, it isn't the one you always have” Jake pointed out, grabbing a water bottle from the table in front and taking a sip out of it.

“How can you fucking date her? She's my ex. What's up with the bro code?” Renjun snapped, making Jake hide a smirk.

“Why? Weren't you the one to dump her?” Jake asked, failing to hide his smirk but brushed it off, drinking the water.

“She's my fucking ex!” Renjun yelled, slamming the beer bottle on the table.

“She's your ex. But now, she isn't yours but, mine” Jake smiled, keeping the bottle on the table and standing up, proceeding to walk away.

“She never gave me her virginity, let alone her first kiss” Renjun yelled, making Jake turn at him. A bit surprised but masked it off.

“I'm definitely not with her for those shit. And yeah! Try to be happy for us, Jun. I don't want my butterfly to be upset because of you” Jake gave him his infamous eye smile before pacing towards his room, locking the door and dropping his body on the bed.

He himself didn't know why he was flirting with Jisu but, somehow, it felt right.

The feeling he was getting, being with Jisu was driving him crazy.

A week went by swiftly. Their friends group believed their relationship so much that they started to gush over them. Especially, Ningning and Karina.

If Yunjin and Yujin didn't know about this setting, they too would've gushed over them. But Hanni on the other hand was so happy.

You can tell that she's like those innocent bunnies which got happy or blushed in bare minimum.

And on this side, Jisu was distressed. All these girls on the campus came up to her and asked if she's really dating Jake or how cute they looked together.

And simultaneously, Jake and Renjun started to hit off in a bad way. Renjun would never speak to Jake normally after that confession session they had a week ago.

Both Jake and Jisu knew that everything was going smoothly. But will we call it a life if there's no hole in a plain road?

It was the end of the day as Jake was waiting for Jisu in his car. Soon, she got inside the car, closing the door shut.

“I'm—no, sorry. We're so doomed” Jisu said urgently, as Jake looked at her confused.

“What's wrong, butterfly?” He asked, concern latching in his tone. She secured the seat belt in the hook and brushed off her hair from her face.

“My mom came back from Canada yesterday. She's saying that I should make my boyfriend meet her. And she's too, like you know, close with the girls and Jay, so she'll probably blow off our cover” She sighed, looking at Jake for his reaction.

The man just smiled as he secured his sear belt. He looked far too calm for Jisu, who was freaking out.

“When is she expecting us?” Jake asked as Jisu's eyes widened and jaw dropped.

“You'll meet her?” Jisu gasped, looking at Jake as he nodded.

“If we can, we can meet her now” She said ask Jake gave her, his infamous eye smile and started to drive.

The drive was of 45 minutes as Jisu kept on giving Jake the directions and occasionally both of the swayed their head on the track, playing on the radio.

“By the way, have you finished reading King of Pride?” Jisu asked, as Jake glanced at her and then, looked back at the road.

“Just finished it today” He answered as Jisu took out a book out of her bag.

Ignite me by tahereh mafi.

“Never thought that you'll be a bookworm too” Jake smiled as he looked at the book which, Jisu kept back in her bag.

“Don't judge a book by its cover” Jake chuckled at Jisu's words. He said the exact thing that day, in the café. And she's saying that back. “We're here. Another thing” She started as Jake stopped the car, unbuckling the seat belt.

“An aunt is gonna be here. You know, mom's mutual friend. Just saying” She stated as he nodded, getting out of the car as he opened the car door for her.

To everyone on the campus, Jisu belonged from an average family. But they didn't know that she was from one of the richest families in Seoul. But Jake and Jay were richer than the Choi family.

They house was big and modest. Few plants by the driveway and big ones behind the house. The house was of two storeys.

Jisu and Jake were greeted by a maid as they walked inside. A collective gasps were heard as they turned to look at the main lounge area.

“Mom?” Jake asked, baffled.

“Mom? Wait, no. Aunt Miyeon is your mom?” Jisu blinked a few timed, registering the current situation.

“It was funny to see our kids, dating each other. It was, destiny” Jisu's mom, Minju exclaimed.

There's the thing, Minju, Jisu's mom and Miyeon, Jake's mom were childhood friends. Both Jake and Jisu knew each other's mom, but never knew each other.

“How's it, dating each other?” Miyeon asked as both Jake and Jisu sighed.

It's gonna be a long conversation.

@ heartsofpearls-en — 2023

#enhypen imagines #kpop boys #enhypen #heeseung #jake sim #engene #enhypen jake #enhypen x reader #jake x reader

[khaleesiofalicante]

Dani I need to vent about something. I hope I'm not intruding.

My college just started and while my social life is thriving and it's a lot of fun, there are so many things that are so fucking toxic. There are all these customs and rules that people adhere too when it comes to seniors.

Like we have to call our seniors sir and ma'am and wish them whenever we run into them. And apparently we're not supposed to ask their names directly and we can't look them in the eye.

And like I don't have a problem calling them sir or ma'am or wishing them or showing respect. But they scold you if you forget to do it and are so fucking rude. My friend didn't notice someone and so didn't wish her and so she asked him if he's blind or mute (derogatory). It was such a toxic thing to do and he was incredibly hurt.

This is something a lot of people have been experiencing. They even asked some of the boys to sort of bow when they wish them.

There are a lot of strict Anti Ragging rules in our college but idk if this is something that is covered by it. And these people are treating us like inferiors and are always patronizing us. It's very demeaning.

And also another of my friends didn't come today because he was sick and some seniors asked us to tell him to call them and apologize because they think he made a complaint about them (he didn't). And he's decided to stay home for a couple of days. He told me that it's because he's unwell but I think he's scared.

Also this same friend usually hangs out with girls and talks in a way that people make fun of. And a lot of people have been making derogatory comments about his gender and sexuality. When he expressed an interest to be the leader of Gender Champs (its a club about gender equality and everything else related to gender) this guy asked him 'which gender will you represent?' It's all so so hurtful and weird and toxic. Obviously not everyone is like this. But it's very hurtful when all of this happens.

Sorry if this was all too long. I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm having a great time at college and have made friends that I can really see myself having a great relationship with and there is already so much that I've learnt about it the past week and have so much that I'm looking forward to. I even attended this webinar about modern sex education that talked about a lot of things that I'm very curious about and wanted to learn (I've never had the chance to talk about any of this before with people who're from my own country and environment). And we also have to make this research project that I'm very excited about and have already started preparing for. Overall I'm having the time of my life. But this attitude of some of our seniors has been very off putting and stressful and i hope that it gets better soon and no one gets hurt.

Hey, Yana.

Thank you for telling me this. This is unfortunately way too common in many local universities in South Asia. It is 100% ragging and part of the culture. Despite the anti-ragging rules, this kind of behavior is incredibly normalized and even the lecturers and staff have accepted it as the norm. What surprises me the most is how this toxicity continues year after year and people never seem to learn from it. But I hope it will get better too.

This is not good advice but please do keep your head down and stay away from these people as much as you can. I've never found fighting these 'bullies' to be effective because it's not a behavioral issue but rather a systematic one. Having a group of friends in your uni whom you can talk to about this - and also hang out in groups so you won't be targeted or isolated by these assholes - would be helpful. But please know you are always welcome to come here and talk to me about it.

I'm really glad to hear you're having a great time otherwise and meeting a lot of like-minded people! Yay to sex education and good luck with your research project! 💙

#yana banana

[mayahawkins]

HCs about the party in college?

thank you abby <3

OK so i know people have like generally decided that will would major in art and mike would major in english which like i generally agree with but part of me wants one of them to major in history bc i did and im attached to it but i don't think any of them would tragically.

mike and will make sure they go to the same college, bc they don't want to lose each other like they have in the past, and they get together in senior year which makes them want to stick together even more

lucas also goes to the same college as them and gets a basketball scholarship. i feel like he studies math, either that or he studies like sound design (which is so specific i know, but idk i've been working on sound mixing recently and i feel like lucas would like it

mike and will want to dorm together first year, obviously but they aren't able to and they end up hating dorms so much that the next year they decide to get an apartment off campus and they're the first of their friends to have one so everyone is over all the time and it's a shitty apartment but they allow pets and so they get a cat (who they name arwen, which i have made a post abt here)

once mike and will move into their apartment, that becomes the go-to place for everything the party does

dustin majors in physics and goes to some amazing science college that's a bit farther from everyone else but still makes sure to see they party on holidays and over the summer break. i wanna say sometimes he drives to them on weekends but i literally have no concept of if that would be possible but in this made up world im gonna say it is and so sometimes he drives down for dnd (but it's like a 6 hr drive so he doesn't do it often bc he's a Good Student)

el and max both take a gap year and work for the first 6 months saving up money and then go on a 6 month long trip backpacking across europe, bc they want to figure out who they are as people outside of school before they make any other big life decisions based around school

when they start the next fall, it's at the same school as mike and will.

they don't play dnd much in their first semester bc they're trying to juggle school with everything and haven't gotten the swing of things so they play a huge campaign over christmas break their first year. this is just before max and el leave for europe and they decide to join in bc it's like the last big thing they all do together before they go (the girls started to play occasionally in like senior year but they still don't play regularly like the rest of the party but they do for special occasions like this.

mike, will, and lucas try to go to a few parties during their first year but don't love them. instead they either join or start the dnd club at the school and meet a bunch of cool people who also love dnd. but they still like playing with each other best

ok i think that's enough hahah, wow i had a lot more thoughts than i thought i did

#ask #wow this got long #st.txt #byler #sthc

[ghostlyfirenut]

Ok I know my last post was like "what if I relapse and lose 20lbs in the next 2 months" and my post before that was like "I'm so happy I grew out of my eating disorder and I'm still skinny and everything is great !!! "

Well , today's post is like , I love that I still have a thigh gap in random situations !!! like I just drank a whole bottle of wine by myself tonight and (would like some more honestly might open another bottle) im feeling the chaos of being a young inexperienced girl thinking about how to create my own money as an independent artist out in the world doing my own thing without a specific boss or company to work for etc like mostly freelance independent contractor starting my own small business and whatnot BUT at least my thigh gap is still just hanging out being present offering small comforts in the middle of this professional "emerging artist" chaos !!!! Like what a small but meaningful comfort to just be chillin in bed "trying to get some work done" and let my knees fall in against each other and there's still a nice lil gap there between my thighs... Like if I flex my thigh muscles it closes but like that's fine it's still there when I'm just chillin without any effort on my part. (If I lose another 10-20 lbs honestly it probably wouldn't close even if I tried to flex my thighs and that was one of my favorite things when I was at my LW was the way my thigh gap was unavoidable and things were constantly falling thru my lap lmfao , like honestly at this point it would probably be annoying to be that skinny /now that I'm working using tools every day like setting your phone/pencil etc on your lap idk it'd be annoying to fall thru all the time; and I don't think I could make it back to that anyway bc I don't want to lose the muscle I've gained but like ,,, 10 pounds ??? I can do that let's make it happen lol )

Anyway lmk if anyone relates to this / I miss the ed community even tho I've been trying to grow out of it like idk I'm 26 there's things to accomplish but I'm already out here relapsing on cigarettes and alcohol and other drugs I might as well embrace the thinspo relapse at this point 🙃

And like it's one thing to be a chubby teenager romanticizing anorexia / just wanting to be skinny for prom etc it's another thing to be like , a college senior who suddenly found the "willpower" to be a "successful anorexic" and you now have to Force yourself to eat food with carbs+protein so you don't pass out in sculpture class again (passing out with welding equipment is fucking scary AF omg) / can keep performing in your dance classes etc ,,, and then it's a Whole 'Nother Thing to be a full grown adult / out of school / out in the ~ real world ~ (briefly felt like I was over the whole thing) but then realizing "the art world" is just as chaotic and disordered as your college environment, it's 1000% ok if you're abusing Adderall and other drugs (except I don't have health insurance so I need an alternative to adderall = caffeine and ed behaviors,, oops, oh well ,,, ) -> -> what matters more, "success" or "wellness" ? ? The vibe is almost like, if you're not disordered are you even a real ""artist"" ?? It's like bro I'm gonna be 27 in a few months and I'm not interested in joining the 27 Club lol let me live with whatever wellness I can manage for myself haha. But also maybe I can lose another 10 lbs and be extra skinny 👀 20 is probably too much / I don't need to be under 100 I've done that I hit that goal I can let it go.......someone remind me when I get to 105 and I'm like "it's not enough!!" Girl it's enough let it go we've been there done that moving on. Lifting 50 lbs > being medically underweight.

Anyway. Long ass rant talking to myself. I'll probably go open a new bottle of wine and regret it in the morning. Main thing!!! I'm fucking free!!!!! I can do whatever I want!!!! I can get fucked up alone tonight/ already applied for a contractor job for next month / already have plans thru December and then feb-may next year, I'm honestly doing great, it's ok if I drink some alcohol and do some drugs . Like, yeah the "wellness" industry is a whole thing, but the "art world" is a whole separate beast - choose which one to focus on. Drugs and wellness don't really mix; drugs and art are kind of a package deal ? I love drugs let's keep doing drugs honestly. It's worked out so far !! (If youre reading this and you don't currently do drugs, pls pls don't feel like you need to do drugs in order to be a successful artist bc it's 100% not like that but also I've been doing drugs for 10 years + trying to stop bc I thought "professionally" it would be a good idea idk , just talking myself thru the fact that all the ~arts professionals~ I've met this summer also do drugs lmfao - not like they'd ever pressure you into it but more they wouldn't care if I do it or not)

Anyway, if you're still reading and you made it this far - life is weird. I'm gonna try to lose 10 pounds and get some more art gigs this season. Balance between wellness and indulgence and everything that comes with drugs vs helping friends find their healthy limits... It's a process we'll see how it goes. Thanks for reading ❤️ I love you always feel free to dm if you need advice ❤️

#thinspo #proana #ed community #idk #i love you #thanks for reading

[crimson-blossom]

Hello Naaaeeee

If you'd like to do this request of mine, may I ask for fluff headcanons in which gn!reader (they can be another NRC student or the mc, whatever you see fit :]) who is crushing on Sebek leaves a love letter for him in Diasomnia's lounge but had forgotten to sign their name on it? How would Sebek react to seeing the letter? Would he assume it's for his waka-sama and give it to him, or would he read it?

Cucumber man needs some loving ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

“... For me?”

Pairings: Sebek Zigvolt x (gn!)reader

Warnings: fluff (HC), MC!reader (only mentioned once)

« always praising his master, but who's gonna praise him? »

Author's note: "hihi dear ♡ I had a lot of fun thinking about the possibilities for this one, thanks for requesting this! I'm more than happy to provide cucumber man content~ (though I'm sorry for the somewhat rushed ending TvT) "

It was just another regular day in diasomnia. Sebek had just returned from his club activities with silver, who instantly went to his bedroom as he felt himself growing drowsy. Sebek, however, stayed in the lounge for a little longer. He was waiting for Malleus and Lilia to arrive.

As he looked around the lounge, he suddenly noticed a letter on one of the tables. Now Sebek is a good mannered little boy, so he wouldn't open the letter instantly to read it, instead waiting for his dorm leader and vice, hoping they’d know more about it.

“oya? What's that?"

As if on cue, Lilia appeared behind him, nearly scaring the crocodile man to death but that's not imported rn, with malleus by his side

"Lilia-sama, waka-sama, do you by any chance know whom this letter belongs to?" He'd say, showing his seniors the letter he had found

M: “hm.. I don't. Maybe we should ask arou—"

L: “one way you find out!” aaaand he snatched the letter out of sebek's hand.

Great move Lilia. Just great.

Sebek was about to ask whether he should deliver it to the person it belonged to when lilia let out a looooong whistle, sending teasing looks to sebek over the paper

Malleus who had been reading along over lilia's head shoulder could only stare. Stare and blink. And seeing the great malleus like that honestly frightened Sebek

When asking what was wrong, he only got a chuckle out of Lilia, who surprisingly returned the letter

"I think you'll have to read for yourself"

Oh well, what's the worst that could happen?

...

.. Wait. Does that say "dear Sebek"????

..

IS THIS A FLIPPING LOVE LETTER????

Idk what about you but I've never seen a red cucumber in my entire life

Though Lilia and malleus got the joy of seeing one at that moment

Many thoughts were racing through his mind, but he couldn't help but think of one particular question

"... Who wrote this?"

The three of them would examine the whole paper, but no trace of a signature was to be found. And to sebek's disappointments, Lilia said he was unable to identify the handwriting.

In the end they concluded it must be some secret admirer, which somehow managed to creep little cucumber out as well as make him feel dizzy with hidden excitement

Poor little thing had to excuse himself out of the room to avoid Lilia's teasing ("awwww the little one is growing up!" "Come on now, don't forget to invite me to the wedding huh" "don't forget me either", malleus said to which sebek responded with "I WOULD NEVER FORGET TO INVITE YOU WAKA-SAMA!!!!" please send help)

This incident would plague Sebek for months, he couldn't help but keep thinking about the letter, the things that were written and more important, who wrote it

And although Sebek had no clue, that didn't stop from hoping...

"What if.. Just what if it's from them"

Bonus (after sebek leaves the lounge):

M: "... You noticed it's from the perfect right?"

L: "of course"

M: "are we telling him?"

L: "of course not"

#✩‧₊ fei's blessings #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst headcanons #twst imagines #sebek zigvolt #sebek x reader #twst sebek #sebek zigvolt x reader

[fishklok]

1959

Since I've been posting a lot about her lately, I wanted to share this snippet of a fic I wrote about Magnus' mom.

It's about 2k words. No major content warnings, but Magnus' dad is kind of an asshole.

Idk. If people like this, I'll continue working on it.

Satenik stands at the edge of the high school parking lot. The notes threaten to slip out of her grasp from how sweaty her hands are, but she takes a deep breath and tries to calm her nerves. She’s okay. She rehearsed this.

He’s sitting with his friends under the bleachers. Melik Hovhannisyan… She didn’t know the names of the other boys. In their leather or denim jackets, muddy work boots, and loose ratty jeans, they certainly didn’t look like they were dressed for school. The boys all have their hair styled with a ridiculous amount of product that causes the tops of their heads to look plastic or tar. Apparently Melik tried to follow suit, but his curls have long-since escaped, making him look even more wild than his entourage. They were the exact kinds of boys her mother always discouraged her from associating with.

Unfortunately, she needed one of these boys to help her.

Satenick glances back down at her notes. She can’t chicken out now – Metaksia and Artik are depending on her. So she takes a deep breath, pushes her fears down, and marches forward.

The moment the steps onto the grass surrounding the bleachers, the boys’ chatter ceases and they all stop to stare at her, their lips curling around their lit cigarettes. The smoke enveloping them is overwhelming, but Satenik steels herself. No matter what, she will not cough.

She clears her throat, trying not to inhale more of the smoke in the process.

“Pardon me for interrupting, but may I please speak with Melik?”

Melik’s dark eyes glower up at her, not making an effort to move. So he was going to make her do this in front of them? That’s just great.

Satenik clears her throat again – this time it was because of the cigarettes.

“I know it’s not, uh, customary for a freshman to approach a senior like this–”

“Then why are you doing it?” Melik’s response cuts through her, as does the snickering from his friends behind him.

Satenik’s stomach jumps, but she looks back down at her notes. She’s prepared. She practiced this interaction numerous times in front of her mirror.

“Բարև!” She waves her hand, her eyes still focused down on her script. “My name is Satenik Varoujan and I was born in Ijevan. As an Armenian-American, I believe it is important that we keep a strong connection to our culture. Which is why I am extending an invitation to you, Melik, to join our school’s first Armenian culture club. Held Wednesdays in the history department at 7. Ց'տեսություն!”

Melik doesn’t respond. No one is responding.

Satenik forces herself to glance up from her script. The other boys look dumbfounded, or like they’re trying not to laugh. But Melik looks… mad.

“That’s what this is about? You interrupted me for this?”

“I-I promise I didn’t mean to interrupt you…” She almost drops her notes as she fumbles with them. “We need four students to start an official club, and you’re the only other Armenian-American I know here and–!”

“Listen, Stacy–”

“It’s…” She shakes her head. “Never mind.”

Melik gestures with his cigarette.

“Where are we right now?”

“Uh…” Satenik glances around the field. “The bleachers? At school?”

“But where specifically?” He presses. “Are we in Armenia right now? Are we in Ijevan?”

When he says her homecity, she can hear him force an accent.

“No…” She says quietly. “But cultural heritage is important–”

“My parents left Armenia for a reason, sweetheart. If you miss Ijevan so much, why don’t you go back there and leave me alone?”

His friends are hollering with laughter. Even though Melik is obviously trying to keep a stern expression, it’s hard not to notice the smile he’s trying to suppress as well.

Satenik can feel the shame flood her chest as her eyes threaten to spill over. She knew this would happen. Why did she think it could go any other way? Why did she give herself room to hope?

“All you had to say was ‘no’!” She throws her notes at Melik’s feet and storms off, all while trying to block out the sound of his friends jeering behind her.

…

The world disappears as Satenik stares into the depths of her locker. The tiny space is stuffed to bursting with thick textbooks and boxes of supplies, leaving absolutely zero space for oxygen. It’s as if she’s peering into her own brain – a pulsating lump of meat that only existed for school and work. She can’t afford to let it exist for anything else. Last time she did…

Her mind flinches, instinctively protecting itself from chasing that train of thought, as if doing so would only leave her mangled on the tracks. She lost her middle school years to her “little hysterical episode” – as the doctor called it. She doesn’t need to lose high school too.

She grabs the corner of a loose sheet of paper pressed between two history textbooks and, with some effort, manages to pull it free.

The form for starting a new school club. Satenik had it filled out the moment the vice principal handed it to her. The club name, club objective, meeting place and time, the faculty member who agreed to supervise the meetings. And lastly, the names of the four confirmed members required to make the club official.

Satenik Varoujan.

Maria Najarian.

Artik Badalyan.

And an empty space where Melik Hovhannisyan’s name should have been.

That blank line taunts her, a reminder of how close she was to accomplishing her goal. The deadline to submit new club applications had passed, and Satenik’s idea for a school club where the school’s only Armenian-American students can share and celebrate their culture, history, and experiences in a fun and academic setting, was dead on arrival.

Maria tried to reassure her, saying that they didn’t need an official school club to spend time together. Satenik wanted to scream at her that she was missing the point. Colleges weren’t going to be impressed by her resume because she “spent time with her friends in high school”. No! This club was supposed to show her dedication to her culture as well as academia. So much was riding on that, and now she only had the school newspaper, art club, and Model UN as her extra curricular activities. She might as well drop out now if she’s going to waste her time like this.

But of course, there was another reason why “just hanging out” wasn’t a better alternative. Maria and Artik were going steady. Whenever they’d get together, Satenik knew that she was always “their plus one”. She didn’t know all of their inside jokes, their stories, and whenever they went out on the town Satenik always had to sit in the backseat.

Satenik hoped that if they were getting together in the context of a club, then she would hold some power and structure. Plus, then there would be a fourth person around, so she wouldn’t feel so out of place anymore.

Unfortunately, that fourth person would have been Melik Hovhannisyan. So maybe this was for the best.

Stupid Melik Hovhannisyan. What was his problem? Satenik knew that some boys thought it was “cool” to not take school seriously. But to not take his own culture and heritage seriously, and to be so rude to her in the process? Yes, maybe she shouldn’t have approached a senior like that. But that was no excuse! It made her so angry, she could just–!

No! She shoved her head into the locker, the impact the edge of the textbooks made against her forehead tore her out of her thoughts. She didn’t need a repeat of eighth grade.

“Having another hissy fit, Armenia?”

Satenik pulls her head out of her locker, nearly bonking herself on the way out, and turns around to see Melik standing next to her, leaning against the metal doors.

“I was just looking for something.” She mutters under her breath. “Did you need me?”

Melik doesn’t say anything, instead he gestures to his forehead. Satenik frowns and checks her reflection in her compact, and her heart sinks when she notices the obvious red imprint in the center of her forehead from slamming her head into her locker.

“Just what I need…” She sighs and tries to move her hair around in some attempt to cover the mark. Maybe this was a sign from God that she needed to get bangs.

“You never told me how your little ‘club thing’ went.” He gives a sidelong grin. “I’m sure before long, they’ll be serving lavash and dolma in the cafeteria.”

“I wasn’t aware I was supposed to tell you.” She slams her locker shut.

“Sheesh, didn’t mean to rattle your cage.” He hooks his thumbs into his jacket pockets.

“If you’re just going to be mean to me, please go away.”

“Hey, who said anything about being mean?” He shrugs. “If anything, you’re the one who’s been snippy with me this whole time.”

Satenik pales. Was she being…snippy? She didn’t think so. But then again, Melik is a senior. The rules were different.

“I’m sorry.” She says under her breath, ducking her head in shame.

“You just can’t relax, can you?” Melik chuckles. “Also, you dropped this.”

Melik reaches into his pocket and, to Satenik’s surprise, pulls out her notes from the other day – still stained with grass from where she threw it.

Satenik stares at the notes in disbelief for a few seconds before she finally swipes them from his hand.

“Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” He grins. “How did your first meeting go?”

Satenik throws her notes into her locker and slams the door loud enough that multiple students walking through the hall stop to look at her.

“We never had a first meeting, because there isn’t a club, because you refused to join!”

“Was I supposed to?”

“Well… yes!” Satenik crosses her arms. “Because you’re the only other Armenian student at our school. It’s the least you could have done.”

“Spending my evenings with a bunch of underclassmen, rambling about a country I’ve never been to? Yeah, that sounds like a little more than ‘the least I could do’.” Melik frowns. “How did you know I’m Armenian anyway? What, did you go through my file? Stalk my family?”

Satenik stares at him in disbelief.

“Your… your last name is Hovhannisyan…”

Melik hisses through his teeth.

“I really should change that…”

“I don’t get it. Why are you so ashamed of your culture? Of who you are?”

“Listen, dolly, ‘who I am’ is a lot more than where my parents decided to fuck 18 years ago–”

Satenik gasps at his language, actually feeling lightheaded. Good thing she keeps her rosary in her locker.

“...and I’m not ashamed.” Melik continues. “Because unlike you, I got a whole lot going for me other than ‘our culture’. We’re American now – get over it.”

“You ‘have’…” Satenik mutters under her breath.

Melik tilts his head.

“Huh?”

“You meant to say, ‘I have a whole lot going on’.” She glares up at him. “If you’re so dedicated to being American, you should put more effort into how you speak the language.”

“Excuse me?”

Melik looks down at her as if she were a gnat, but she doesn’t care. The hierarchy between freshmen and seniors is ridiculous anyway. She knows she has way more life experience, and more of a future on top of that. She’s going to graduate with honors, get into the best college, and live the rest of her life as a success story. What does Melik have to look forward to? Other than smoking cigarettes and driving motorcycles? Can’t build a career off of that.

“What, you didn’t hear me?” She juts her chin at him. “Thought you were an American who only likes speaking English.”

“I know Armenian, okay?” He rolls his eyes. “I just choose not to speak it ‘cause it’s not a useful language here.”

“Okay, well… Հեռացիր!” She gives a self-satisfied nod. “Since my language is so useless, you won’t care to know what I just said.”

Melik bristles.

“I know what that means.”

“Oh I’m sure you do. I’m sure you hear it from your Ma all the time.”

Melik glares at her brushes past her.

As he storms off, she gives him a little wave.

“Ցտեսություն!”

“Fuck you.”

This time, his language doesn’t have an effect on her. Because she knows she won.

“Ինձ հետաքրքիր չէ.”

#metalocalypse #magnus hammersmith #satenik varoujan #metalocalypse fanfic #melik hammersmith

[highwaydiamonds]

1, 9, 19, 27.

Hi Friendly Anon! Thank you for the questions!

1: What eye color do you find sexiest?

Um, oy, this is gonna sound like such a cop out, but the color doesn't necessarily matter all that much to me? I think I find bright green the most striking, but I've been attracted to men with blue and brown eyes before too... And it's not the color that I find sexy as much as the *way* that person looks at me.. The right look, the full attention, that they're only looking at you, only have eyes for you THAT is sexy. Color is incidental - if someone looks at me that way and they really see me, I can get lost in those eyes, no matter the color.

9: Most embarrassing moment from your high school years?

I feel like every day is cringe worthy for me lol - but I was pretty much your average uber goody two shoes in HS. Y'know part of students against drunk driving ( but we actually did NOT drink unlike so many others i hear talk about it), I was in youth to youth ( a drug abstinence group), key club yadda yadda... I was ambitious then but also relatively quiet? So I'd been out for a few days sick from school and came back the middle of the week - andn was in AP american history class. I had a teacher with the wORST name - you'd swear it was fuictional - it was not. His name was Harding Kirchhoff.... I mean can you even believe it?! you can guess the nicknames... Anyhow so he was a total dictator in the classroom - everything by the book. He asked the class - apropos of nothing, if we knew what painter from the ashcan school came from our hometown. Now, I was the art history nerd in our class and we never talked about art history with Kirchhoff because very few questions on the AP exam were about art so he didn't spend time on it. However, I was SO excited that he asked an art question that I didn't raise my hand or call his name for attention - I just BURTED OUT (LOUDLY) , " GEORGE BELLOWS!" I didn't even think before I said it - I just did it. Only a split second too late did I realize what I'd done. I think i turned seven shades of white - Kirchhoff gave me a death glare... The hole class was looking at me like I ws dead student sitting... then, bless her, the girl sitting in front of me yelled out " I think megan should get extra credit - she wasn't even here yesterday and she knew the answer!" That defused the situation but fuck i thought i was going to die.

Also - freshman year I ran into a football player that was a senior in the hallway. I was probably about 5'2" at the time he was - idk over 6 feet and even though i was quite chubby even then, that dude ws as broad as a fucking house. He was fucking architectural he was so broad and tall. i was looking to my left and talking to a friend - not looking where I was going. I ran right into him - like unaware SMACK into the middle of him. And then I bounced backward and started falling back - only he caught my arm and stopped me falling. I dropped my books and was MORTIFIED. I apologized inn a rush grabbed my books and scampered to class - smh- I went and made the awkward MOAR awkward. I am good at that lol

My HS years wer pretty staid and innocent yo. Then again - they were the dark ages :P I am the old.

19: What’s the most delicious food you’ve ever eaten in your life?

That depends on the day you ask me - but it's hard to beat a really good creme brulee - the crispy sugary caramel burnt top against the cool creamy custard - especially if it's chocolate creme brulee. But also a flourless chocolate cake called chocolate decadence fro a restaurant that no longer exists in one of my favorite maryland small towns - god that cake was amazing... but there's also this gorgonzola fettuccine alfredo from s place i know and it was SO good there i once gave my mother the hand when she tried to talk withh me when i took my first few bites. When my mom asked what the issue was to her best friend who was also with us - her best friend replied, " she's having a moment with her food. just wait a minute." that pasta was STUPID GOOD. But I could talk to you about indian food i've loved, schweinehaxen in germany, fresh almond croissants, my dad's woodcock pate (that was fucking fabulous)... Honestly - there are so many amazing things out there to enjoy :) it's hard to choose!

27: If you had to have a cow or a pig, which would you take? Why?

Ok, so when I was little and my family lived in the back of beyond in Virginia, we had a pig. This was back when Mork and Mindy was on tv ( again, I am the old) ... And my Dad knew that I might get attached to the pig. He made it very clear to me that the pig was NOT A PET, MEGAN. How did this get made clear? The pig was on a neighbor's land - we had the hog - they hadd the sow but housed both. I was not allowed to pet the pig. I was not allowed to feed the pig. Also, the pig's name was PORK. The pigs were PORK and Mindy. Ha ha - very funny Dad. But yeah my dad kn ew if I got attached I would cry and wail ovr what was supposed to be livestock - dad was right tho. I would not have handled it well. So, since i theoretically had a pig once, I will go with cow! Also I would get my cow one of those happy cow brush things - cows are so cute when they use those. Honestly cows are just cute anyway - when I was in the Uk - we stayed near the chatsworth estate and there was a cow we got to walk by thatg was in a pasture and it was right by the fence. I wanted to give it pets and hug so badly - but i also didn't want to upset the farmer if he saw me petting and hugging his cow - so i refrained.... but it was the cutest jersey cow. Also calves are ADORABLE/ So, yes, cow please!

Thanks again Friendly Anon for the questions and tolerating my long answers :D

#obscure questions asks :D

[thomas-mvller]

Tag games x 283129

Hello everyone so uh lately i've started to be more active on my music sideblog which means i've been hearting stuff like crazy for the past couple of months aka all the things i've been tagged in has been buried under all that nonsense SO because i hate leaving things undone i thought on doing them all at once and tagging a bunch of people so they can get a little distraction by doing them (as in, not all of them but whichever they might want to do)

Again: you do not have to do all of them, not even one if you don't feel like doing so! there's a game for everyone so hey!

Tagging: @havertsz @foreverbayern @germanynts @sherlockisonfire @debushit @sadiiomane10 @miasanmuller @elishamanning @abcde-fc @bbjim @littletentaclemonster @tamtam-elizabeth @minimalloss @pearfight and whoever wants to do this! if you see it, consider yourself tagged >:))

Alright, here we go:

1) I was tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth and @/sadiiomane10 to post a capture of my lockscreen, homescreen and last song i listened to. Thank you both <3

I used to be very annoying when it came to changing my lock/homescreen so now i just don’t do that often anymore (previous to that my homescreen was a pic of lfc winning ucl OBVIOUSLY) also i haven’t really been listening to music lately but i did have a depeche mode phase like two weeks ago and this was the song i replayed the most so hey!

///

2) “Get to know me” tag

Tagged by the always thoughtful @/tamtam-elizabeth , thank you and i’m sorry for taking so long ;-; <3

Name: Cloud

Birthday: sometime in november

Zodiac Sign: scorpio

Height: 5′4′’ or 1.65 (last time i checked..... which was like seven years ago)

Hobbies: lately it has been sewing facemasks 😂 that aside i like watching movies, random videos on yt, baking and crafting sometimes

Favorite colors: black, red and teal

Favorite Book: don’t think i have one :o

Last Song Listened to: barrel of a gun by depeche mode

Last Movie Watched: currently watching prince of egypt. if that doesn’t count then ben hur 😂

Inspiration or Muse: i really don’t know what to say here 😂

Dream Job: i still haven’t given up to my goal but at this point i just want a job that gives me stability and zero worries

Reason Behind my URL: Thomas Müller (German pronunciation: [ˈtoːmas ˈmʏlɐ]; born 13 September 1989) is a German professional footballer who plays for Bundesliga club Bayern Munich. A versatile player, Müller plays as a midfielde- okay no in all seriousness yess this url is bc of a football player 😂

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3) Ten songs playlist tag

Tagged by the joy that is @/foreverbayern and the always sweetest @/havertsz . thank youuuuu <3

Rules: We’re snooping through your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and then choose 10 victims.

Some months ago I made the mistake of transfering the songs i had in my old computer to my current laptop and there are some stuff that just........ should not be acknowledged so i can’t do shuffle HOWEVER i will choose ten random songs i’ve listened to/discovered this year (technically speaking is the same) so here it is:

art-i-ficial by x-ray spex

sunny afternoon by the kinks

desire lines by lush

paper cuts by incubus

pure love by hayley williams

spirit by bauhaus

no one knows by screaming trees

let’s love by suho

all we need is a dream by cheap trick

cosmonauts by fiona apple

bonus: you’re so close by peter murphy (god i adore this song)

I wouldn’t be surprised if these aren’t your cup of tea tbh 😂

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4) “Core aesthetic” tag

Tagged by @/havertsz - i’m sorry for the delay ;-; and thank you <3

rules: search your name + "core aesthetic" on pinterest, get a moodboard & select a few photos that come up

i can’t really use pinterest so i googled it instead, as you might’ve guessed this is what i got 😂

ps: i’ve been informed not to use pinterest so if you wish follow this post’s indications

ah this is so pretty, i loved doing this!

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5) 

Tagged by @/germanynts @/havertsz and @/elishamanning to do this tag, thank you all <3

rules: describe yourself with pictures you already have saved. no downloading or searching for new ones. then tag 10 people.

if you want further explanations for each pic... ask ahead 😂

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6) “bold what applies” tag

Tagged by the always enJoyable @/foreverbayern, thank yoooou <3

rules: bold what applies to you and tag a bunch of people

- Appearance

I am over 5’5 // I wear glasses/contacts // I have blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing over tight clothing // I have one or more piercings (had three...) // I have at least one tattoo // I have blue eyes // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look  // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball caps backwards

- Hobbies and interests

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with my friends // I travel during school or work breaks // I can do a handstand

Relationships

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush  // I have a best friend I have known for ten years // my parents are together // I have hooked up with my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long-distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

- Aesthetic

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sunrise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep (i did that for a long time and i sicnerely don’t recommend it) // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire (quick story time: one time when i was 12 my friends and i sneaked into our seniors’ school anniversary activities and they lit this huge bonfire near the football field, it was nuts) // I pay close attention to colours // I find mystery in the ocean (spoopy shit) // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // Autumn is my favourite season

- Miscellaneous

I can fall asleep in moving vehicles // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote(s) // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick-shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

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my god this is getting embarassing i had stuff long due ;-;

7) 

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth. think you for thanking on me when doing tag games, i mean it :-: <3

How old are you?: 24

Surgeries?: one

Tattoos?: none yet ://

Ever hit a deer?: i have never seen one so... no 😂

Sang karaoke?: yeah... years ago 😂

Ice skated?: nope

Ridden a motorcycle?: had the chance but nope

Ridden in an ambulance?: nope

Skipped school?: a handful of times

Stayed in a hospital?: for a few hours

Broken bones?: nope

Last phone call?: i haven’t called anyone in ages 😂

Last text from?: my mom

Pepsi or coke?: coke but i don’t mind having pepsi

Favorite pie?: haven’t had one

Favorite pizza?: chorizo + corn + red pepper

Favorite season?: autumn

Received a ticket?: don’t even know how to drive

Favorite color?: black, red and teal

Sunset or sunrise?: both!

Favorite Christmas song?: don’t think i have one, maybe universe by exo?

Cupcakes or cookies?: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good q, cookies?

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8) “find your match” tag game

Tagged by @/tamtam-elizabeth, you’re allowed to punch me in the face at this point

Rules:

Take the test

Reblog this post with what type you got

Tag 7 mutuals to do the same!

I got the Dreamer and my ideal partner would be The Innovator ?)

Seek out opportunities to collaborate with INNOVATOR types, who combine your lofty idealism with a focus on pragmatic solutions. The grounding energy of the INNOVATOR can inspire you to apply your imagination to real-world change.

that’s deep fam 😂 but okay!

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9) “get to know me tag”

Tagged by: @/littletentaclemonster . thank you and sorry for the delay ;-; <3

nickname: cloud zodiac: scorpio height: 5′4″ / 1.65 last movie I saw: can you believe i managed to watch another thing while making this? anyway it was The celluloid closet last thing I googled: block site extension favorite musician: as of right now? depeche mode song stuck in my head: you’re so close by peter murphy other blogs: @/brltpop and @/s-lay-ing amount of sleep: as long as i can get (usually 7 or 8) lucky numbers: don’t think i have one dream job: whatever gives me stability what am I wearing: pajamas  favorite food: chinese, mexican and italian language: which ones do i know? spanish and english somewhat. i want to learn japanese and german :c can I play an instrument: nope favorite song: atm is YOU’RE SO CLOSE (8) random fact: my nails usually grow sort of square except for my thumb and index fingers, they grow round for whatever reason describe yourself in aesthetic things: ?????????? idk man, messy room? loose clothes? football? cd’s on a shelf, posters on the walls ?????

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MY GOD WHY AM I LIKE THIS????????? 

10)

Tagged by @/littletentaclemonster you too can punch me in the face

Rules: Bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR: I have small hands • I love the night sky • I watch small animals and birds when I pass them by • I drink herbal tea • I wake to see dawn • The smell of dust is comforting • I’m valued for being wise • I prefer books to music • I meditate • I find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE: I don’t have straight hair • I like to wear ripped jeans • I play an organized sport  • I love dogs • I am not afraid of adventure • I love to talk to strangers • I always try new foods • I enjoy road trips • Summer is my favorite season • My radio is always playing

WATER: I wear bracelets on my wrists • I love the bustle of the city • I have more than one set of piercings • I read poetry • I love the sound of a thunderstorm • I want to travel the world • I sleep past midday most days • I love dimly lit diners and fluorescent signs • I rewatch kids’ shows out of nostalgia • I see emotions in colors not words

EARTH: I wear glasses/contacts • I enjoy doing the laundry • I am a vegetarian • I have an excellent sense of time • My humor is very cheerful • I am a valued advisor to my friends • I believe in true love • I love the chill of mountain air • I’m always listening to music • I am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER: I go without makeup in my daily life • I make my own artwork • I keep on track of my tasks and time • I always know true north • I see beauty in everything (sort of) • I can always smell flowers • I smile at everyone I pass by • I always fear history repeating itself • I have recovered from a mental disorder • I can love unconditionally

Water an aether huh, i don’t know what to do with this information 😂

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if you ask me i would very much appreciate it if you do the songs playlist tag bc i need recommendations thanks. Also massive apologies to the ones that were due since last year I had them in my drafts i swear!

Stay safe everyone :D

#ask games #yaay! #FINALLY #THE GUILT........ GONE #well this was fun

[whoneedssexed]

I don't know what to do for college or the rest of my life, I barely have motivation for high school I feel like I'm just gonna flunk anything I do in college. For awhile everyone would ask me what I wanna do and when I replied with an IDK I'd get "oh you have plenty of time" even through my junior year, and now in senior year when they start asking I give them the same answer they're surprised. I don't feel like I'm good enough to do anything, I like to draw and sculpt but when on my own I don't. Single doodles are months apart even tho I have a million supplies I've never touched or rarely use. Just in my life in general I don't have the motivation to start most things, let alone finish. I'm sorry that was a lot.

Sounds like you’re experiencing some burnout, and possible depressive symptoms too. This is unfortunately not unheard of at this time in a person’s life.

Just remember it’s actually super normal to not really know yet what you want to do. The world is huge and right now you’ve just been focusing on trying to get through normal school. It’s not like you’ve been allowed a lot of room to expand yourself.

In college, things are different - you get a lot more choice in which direction to go, which things to explore.

You can take your required stuff at a slow pace and grab electives that make you curious to see what really catches fire for you. There’s also generally lots of clubs for various subjects and interests, and brief “classes” you can take to explore certain things (usually craft-related), which can help you find what you really want.

It’s hard to find your passion let alone act on it when you’re overwhelmed and tired. When you’ve been run into the ground and are being demanded to keep going, it gets impossible to engage in the things you enjoy. All you want to do is rest, which is a natural response because your body and brain want to recover.

A lot of people your age are put in this situation and it’s pretty unfair and crappy. It’s especially hard on neurodivergent people, who have a hard enough time trying to find something they excel at and enjoy without people ruining it for them, let alone thinking about our futures.

On that note, you may consider some counseling and mental health self care strategies. This won’t solve your problem of what to do in the future, but it WILL help you feel better and recuperate in the now.

https://whoneedssexed.com/tagged/mental%20health%20resources

https://whoneedssexed.com/tagged/self%20care

- mod BP

#education #growing up #college #university #careers #Anonymous

[anxietywriter]

A Bucket List

The wishes of a mentally unstable high school senior (for non-Americans that's like 17/18, before college). I added commentary and swearing to my list so hope you're ok with that. There's some references to mental illness in there and mentions of family drama so consider that before continuing.

Have a picnic with friends

Own a pet (probably a cat first but i do want like a dog or two later in life)

Get diagnosed (a fuck you to my parents)

Go to therapy (kind of goes with the other one but still)

Cook a dish that I have saved in a youtube playlist

Get my first paycheck (I don't work currently but I expect to in college)

Buy a bike? (Depends if my campus will let me use it to go to lectures, also I hate driving with a fiery passion atm)

Buy a bubble machine

Join a club in college

Start my webcomic (I've been thinking about it for a while and am planning to post it under a different alias and like I've outlined some scenes but I need fuckin PLOT)

Start doing art stuff on the side like commissions!!

Start a workout routine or something to get healthier

Make those diy hoodies that I've been thinking about

Buy a bunch of jewelry, like those mystery boxes with just a mess of jewelry in them

Smol tattoo? (maybe i'll start out w something temporary and see if i like it)

Finish my little clay statues (i need to finish painting a c!George from dsmp one and finish sculpting a monty mole one. don't ask)

Be more comfortable w myself

Make a shadow box/book nook cuz they look cool

Get a messenger bag and one of those tiny bags

Buy a pronoun pin and an ace pride pin also maybe a mini ace flag that'd be cool

Get into cosplay (it's like halloween, but like you can do it whenever you want and don't have to be anxious abt people knowing what your costume is)

Read all the books that I bought

continue watching Loki

i saw this on teacher tiktok but like a bubble gum machine with clear capsules (it looks super cool and i wanna fill the capsules with all sorts of trinkets)

I want to try the small business thing. a lot, it would go hand in hand with a lot of the art stuff that i want to do

be more honest with others (bc i'm too fucking scared all the time)

stick a bunch of patches on a jacket/hoodie

buy boots (idk why but i had a pair of heeled black boots that just fucking disappeared AND a pair of heeled black ankle boots that ALSO went missing)

Learn another language (idk if i want to reconnect with my parent's language or not lots of disconnect rn,,, bad feels big sad)

MAKE A FLOWER CROWN BC THEY LOOK CUTE OKKK

vibe to mixed playlist with a friend

gosh i keep seeing it on tiktok but like drawing where we switch sketchbooks/canvases every like 5 minutes i want to do that

play on a minecraft server with friends (it's fun to play with a bunch of ppl but idk if they'd be down for that)

Figure out who I want to keep and cut from my life (i have a lot of ppl i plan to keep but i struggle cutting them off when ik they're toxic for me)

get a drawing tablet or a pad bc i will go mental if i keep having to work with my mobile (it keeps fucking crashing like bitch i just want awesome resolution)

buy grocery store sushi like the heathen i am and eat it with ramune (again)

fall in love

get more plain long sleeve shirts bc i keep trying to see what long sleeves i can wear under my short sleeves and i literally have nothing

on a similar vein, buy fake collars or get more collared shirts to pair with my graphic tees

get a pleated skirt bc i want it (and i mean fully pleated bc i have a half pleated skirt which looks hella cute btw but i would like to see one fully pleated)

go to college and realize that my fears of not fitting in or not being good enough were silly

again, similar vein, get my bachelor's like a;lsdkf

try out a rage room

try out an escape room (with friends)

make my own custom tarot cards (tarot admittedly isn't something i'm super into, but i do want to try my hand at making them and having the same meaning. maybe give them to a friend?? maybe)

finish off my portfolio for college (yikes i should've done that earlier)

finish the financial aid form (also should've done that earlier, i've been putting it off)

finish AT LEAST 2 of my 20 something unfinished works (because i got a massive flood of ideas and they're all awesome)

figure out what i want to keep for college and what to leave (i def can't bring everything, so i'll have to pick out my favorite plushies, art works/works in general, books, art supplies, and misc.)

tell my parents what college i want to go to + advantages & disadvantages (for some reason they just... never talk to me about college. like they harassed my brother about it 24/7 when he was a senior but like... i don't think my parents even know what i want to major in)

maybe (strong maybe) also tell my parents about the deposit fee (my brother went to community so they didn't have to pay deposit and my parents know nothing about college so :p)

win at least one (1) scholarship from a scholarship site (i haven't yet but i will! I WILL! THERE'S ONLY SO MANY TIMES I CAN LOSE)

be able to make my next bucket list shorter, because i've already done what i figure would make me a little happier

#vent #venting #vent post #bucket list #mentions of mental health issues #mentions of family drama

[thecheekybrunette]

did you have a good experience in high school? do people make it seem worse than it is do you think?? idk, i've been thinking about switching to public school this year because i've been online, but i think it would be cool to hear your opinion on it!! :)

Ah, anon, I did not have a good experience in high school, but I think I can still be of some encouragement to you, so stick around for the story/explanation: 

So freshman year I went to a normal, public high school and it wasn’t so bad! I was very awkward, and very socially anxious, and also kind of chubby, and I was still growing out an afro and waiting on getting my braces removed from middle school. However, I got involved in some activities with people like me (student council, YoungLife, and actually I think I went to two other youth groups at the time), so I had a solid group of friends. 

Plus, I really like singing, and I auditioned and got into this women’s choir at my school where a couple anime-loving sophomores took me under their wing. 

I don’t remember ever being unhappy in ninth grade. I wasn’t popular, and a couple girls did bully me (because I wouldn’t let them copy their homework), but I had a lot of other friends, so it didn’t really matter. 

But then sophomore through senior year, they opened an IB/STEM school in my area that I applied for, and I got in. 

And like, let me warn you right now: You can do IB (humanities-focused education) or you can do STEM (Science/Tech/Engineering/Math-focused education), but you can’t do both because then everything is focused, and it’s really difficult. 

So the first semester there, I got a D in my history class because I wasn’t a great writer. The next semester I got a C, the next a B, and the next an A because I had to adjust to IB/STEM. 

All of my grades weren’t as good as usual, though, because the transition was really hard to IB/STEM. Also, the teachers weren’t trained in the lessons yet, so they frequently had us restart projects. And it was a new school, so there weren’t any clubs that we didn’t start ourselves, and I was the editor for the newspaper, the historian for my class, and the creator of the peer mediation club, and also I lead the “Muffin room” project. 

I learned the hard way that you can’t do too many things. You have to learn to say no. 

Also a good leader knows when not to lead. You can let other people be in charge and still do a good job being a leader. 

But anyway, because of all this stress, I felt a need for control in my life, and I ended up developing an eating disorder. And so for most of high school, I was starving, and suicidal, and crying. Also I didn’t have many friends because the school was smaller, and as you may remember, most of my friends freshman year were sophomores. 

HOWEVER. 

I have had good transitions as well as bad transitions! When I went to college, for example, my classes were a lot easier, and there were a bunch of kids who didn’t know me or have an opinion on me, and also, like... 

People thought I was funny? 

No one ever thought I was funny before college. 

So I think going to a new school is a great opportunity. You’ll be introduced to a huge population of people, and while that may be scary, it means that there’s a better chance for you to find some people like you and make lots of friends. 

But when you go to school, don’t overwhelm yourself! Join clubs you’re interested in, but don’t worry too much about being in charge or taking on too many responsibilities. Just get to know people and ease yourself in. 

If your homework is hard, it’s okay to be focused on it for awhile. 

And if your grades drop a little because of the transition, don’t worry! There’s a learning curve to everything. Your public school teachers might expect something different than your online ones, so ask them questions, and don’t be worried if it takes awhile to get into the swing of things. 

And I did have a great time in middle school and my freshman year of high school, so don’t let my story scare you. Public school is what you make of it. 

And one last piece of advice: 

The popular girls/boys in high school aren’t having any fun. It’s better to be able to tell your friends your actual opinions than be scared to speak your mind around acquaintances who are just using you for status. 

#Anonymous