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a-decent-writer · 4 years

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More Domestic Head-canons

Guys, I’ve been reading too many angsty fanfics lately and I'm in the mood for some fluff. So here it is. Most of these are going to be for after the time skip so SPOILER ALERT!!!!

I have a part 1 to this here >>> Part 1

SakuAtsu

- Sakusa has a routine for everything but Atsumu is surprisingly unbothered and rolls with each and every one of them

- Sakusa always gets Free Onigiri at Osamu’s shop.

- He jokes its compensation for dealing with his whiny asshole of a brother.

- Atsumu and Osamu have a little sister and she loves Sakusa

- They have no less than eight house plants that are all named after people they know (mostly their teammates )

- Sakusa is surprisingly really cuddly when he’s drunk or sleepy but he doesn’t get drink that often

- Their relationship is a fan favorite

- They may be dating now but they’re still super competitive with each other on the court

- Sakusa unconsciously picks up some of Atusmu’s accent bc it’s still really strong.

- I will forever believe that Kiyoomi Miya is one of the nicest sounding married Haikyuu ship names so there ya go.

Kuroo X Kenma

- Kuroo obviously gets up earlier and leaves meals out for Kenma when he wakes up

- they have more than one cat

- When Kenma falls asleep streaming, Kuroo carries him to bed

- Kenma likes to spoil Kuroo (Bc in reality i’m pretty sure that Kuroo makes just as much as any salaryman)

- Kuroo owns every single piece of bouncing ball merch.

- He insisted on buying it himself to support Kenma’s business but Kenma has definitely transferred the money back each time.

- At the start of their relationship, they felt they didn't really need to get married to stay together forever

- But eventually the idea grew on them and they did end up tying the knot (I have another head canon >>> Here)

- When their friends start having kids, Kenma is surprisingly comfortable with babysitting

- They’re the equivalent of cool wine aunts of Nekoma

Bokuto X Akaashi

- They're the first to get married, (their wedding was surprisingly small) and the first to have kids (they have a girl)

- Sometimes Bokuto brings his daughter to practice and they all fight over who gets to carry her first

- Akaashi does his best to go to every single one of Bokuto’s games.

- All of Bokuto’s teammates have Akaashi’s number on speed dial

- Date night is on Wednesdays

- Bokuto never leaves home without giving Akaashi a kiss, even though he’s still sleeping most of the time.

- Akaashi owns a lot of Black Jackals Merch and I mean A lot. He has a full drawer dedicated to it. And so does their daughter

- Every other sentence during Bokuto’s interviews starts with “My Husband”

- They have pet lizard named after the Schwiden Adler’s mascot

- Sometimes it sits on his head while Akaashi’s working from home.

Iwaizumi X Oikawa

- They get married too

- In Argentina

- Both teams are invited to the wedding and nobody misses it.

- They make long distance work

- Oikawa’s teammates all think that Iwaizumi’s name is “Iwa-chan”

- Oikawa gets high-key adopted by a cute grandma and her wife who both come to all his games and feed him too much.

- They helped him to learn Spanish

- They make an effort to FaceTime every night.

- They’re both still close to their Seijoh team

- Iwaizumi saves all his vacation days so he can spend them with Oikawa in Argentina.

-They’re not one hundred precent sure what they're going to do after Oikawa retires but it’s not something they’re thinking about right now

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hello-robin-goodfellow · 4 years

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Soft Tag Game.

Nobody indicated me. So i’m doing it aniway.

RULES:

*Write 11 facts about you

*Answer the questions of who indicated the TAG to you

*Indicate 05 or more Tumblr friends (blogs) to answer the TAG

*Make 11 questions to who you indicate.

PART 01 - THE 11 FACTS ABOUT ME:

01. My favorite activity is sleeping.

02. Sometimes i like to look at my horoscope to see what gets right and what gets wrong about my personality. I’m a Taurus.

03. About animals: I have a huge phobia of frogs. And i once raised a brown stick insect as a pet, because i watched Pixar’s A Bug’s Life a lot.

04. My favorite colors are: silver, black, blue, green, lilac purple, violet and orange.

05. I enjoy listen to classical music, and i love to watch/watching ópera and ballet. One of my first fanfics was a (terribly writen) two chapter sequel story to Giácomo Puccini’s Madame Butterfly. My favorite ópera is Giuseppe Verdi’s Il Trovatore. My favorite ballet is Igor Stravinsky’s The Rite of Spring.

06. I sometimes dream/wish to have a Youtube channel to post AMVs and review books, movies and TV shows.

07. I started writing because i once haved the dream of become a screen writer for telenovelas (the latin equivalent os soap operas).

08. I understand portuguese (my native language), spanish and english.

09. My favorite genres of fiction are: comedy, horror, musicals, fantasy (fairy tales) and sci fi.

10. My dream crossover is between Doug and The Simpsons.

11. My first geek passion as a kid were dinosaurs and greek mithology.

PART 02 - ANSWERING 21 QUESTIONS

01. The book that transformed your life?

I think it was probably Voltaire’s Candide. This book is a tragicomic story about a ragtag bunch of misfits who were raised as rich priviliged people that believed that everything was alright in the world, and have their visions shaked when they lose everything, so they must get united and adapt to their new reality to get into a happy ending. The message i take of that story is: “Yes, the world is shitty. Out there are lots of people who will exploit and hurt you. So learn to count with your friends, be kind to one another, and keep living and moving on”.

02. The movie that changed your way of seeing the world?

Walt Disney’s Fantasia. This experiment to give visuals to classical music trough classical music formed my believe that we must keep blurring the lines between popular and erudite arts, and all art should be acessible to al people.

03. The music that makes part of the soundtrack of your life?

I tend to say that Mägo de Oz’s ‘Danza del Fuego’ is the song that would be the opening of a series about my life.

04. Define longing?

A word that sound better as the portuguese ‘saudade’.

05. If you got back in time, wich scene would you visit of your life?

I would go back to 2008, and say to my 10 year old self how to give some improvements to its writing.

06. The place where your heart is.

The beaches.

07. The travel of your life.

To the brazilian state of Rio Grande do Sul.

08. An author that you have metted recently, and whose works you want to continue to read.

Probably Umberto Eco. I reded two books of him, and i got curious to know more of his work.

09. Coffee or tea?

Tea. Specially of mint.

10. Who's your Doctor (if you don't watch Doctor Who, who's your favorite character from a TV series)?

Third Doctor (Jon Pertwee), from seasons Seven to Eight, and Eight Doctor (Paul Mcgann), from the 1996 TV Movie.

11. If you could just throw everything away and live your dream, what would you do?

No idea, really.

12. If you could choose to be a character from a book, TV series or movie, who you would be?

Probably the Doctor. He is a self regenariting (shape shifter) imortal alien who can travel to anywhere in time and space. How not to choose to be it?

13. What makes you don't like a story?

If everything is grimm dark and the characters are boring, i don’t have any will to continue reading or watching it.

14. Do you like romance in stories? Why?

If i feel that the couple is health together and have good chemistry, even if is not the focus of the main plot, i find that it can be a nice way to humanize characters, showing how its lifes are outside of the intense action.

15. Wich book did you hated having read?

Sons of Lilith: The Awakening by Elaine Velasco has a character who is a vampire that doesn’t want to give away killing humans to drink their blood, but them says he is in favour of life while massacring the people in a clandestine abortion clinic (which, i have to remember, can save several teenage girls victims of sexual abuse from dying of a risk pregnancy). I tought ‘What’? and ended up really hating this book because of that character.

16. Wich movie did you hated having watched?

A brazilian movie Wolf at the Door. All the characters were assholes, and i left the movie felling really miserable.

17. Do you like anime/manga? Any favorite?

I love it. My favorite mangas are probably Legend of Kamui (Sanpei Shirato), Árion (Yoshikazu Yasuhiko) and Evil Crusher Maya (Masami Kurumada). My favorite animes are Saint Seiya, Tenkuu Senki Shurato, The Rose of Versailles and Ashita no Joe.

18. Who is the best villain you saw in a story?

Probably Claude Frollo, from The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Before the recent fever of catholic priests involved on sex abuse scandals apearing on the TV news, Victor Hugo was already denouncing it with that creep.

19. If you could do an interview with any person, alive or dead, from our world, who would you choose and why?

Mary Shelley (british writer), Frida Kahlo (mexican painter) and Violeta Parra (chilean folclorist and musician). I consider them to be very complex people and fascinating artistic role models.

20. If you could meet and and befriend a writer, who would be?

My lady, Mary Shelley.

21. Cats or dogs?

Cats. They kill rats for you and are more independent.

22. If you could choose any time period or society to live, wich it would be?

A utopic future with vaccins for every desease ever.

PART 03 - NOW I TAG YOU TO ANSWER MY 11 QUESTIONS:

I TAG: @anne-white-star @theimpossiblescheme @theroguefeminist @thedyingtimelady @deise-tb @graf-edel-weiss @princesssarisa @amalthea9

01. Did you haved a imaginary friend as a kid?

02. Describe your aesthetics.

03. Wich was your biggest fear as a child?

04. Wich is your favorite season: Summer, Autumn, Winter or Spring?

05. Kodomomuke, Shonen, Shoujo, Seinen or Josei?

06. Wich artist that you admired lefted you down when you learned how it/he/she was as a real life person?

07. Wich foreign language would you like to learn?

08. Do you watch tokusatsu? Any favorite?

09. Do you prefer dubbed or subtitled movies and TV shows?

10. Wich is you guilty pleasure movie?

11. Wich fictional character was your inspirational childhood heroe?

#ask game #tag game #send me questions #ask me things #get to know me #memes #ask #asks #tag #tags #answered #fandom musings #answered game

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cromulentbookreview · 4 years

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Werewolves of Florida

I saw a werewolf with a parrilla menu in his hand /

Walking through the streets of Miami in the rain /

He was looking for a place called Novecento /

Gonna get a big dish of entraña /

Aaoooooo /

Werewolves of Florida /

Aaoooooo /

Sorry.

(I’m not sorry. Aaooooooo!)

And by that, I mean: Lobizona by Romina Garber!

Well, if you’d expect werewolves to show up in America, where else but Florida?

Ha. Florida. The butt of so many jokes. It’s easy to make fun of Florida (fun, too!), so as a lifelong resident of the Pacific Northwest...I’m going to continue making fun of Florida, a state I’ve never been to and will likely never visit as I have no intention of being eaten by a gator or a python or a python gator or whatever insane creatures live down there.

I kid, I’m sure there are places in Florida that are perfectly lovely. They just happen to coexist with the insanity that is the rest of Florida.

Anyway! Werewolves in Florida! It sounds possible. Seriously, could you imagine the headlines? “Florida werewolf brings drugs to a drug bust, gets himself busted”? “Florida werewolf charged with assault with deadly weapon after throwing alligator through Wendy’s drive-thru window”?

In this case, however, there aren’t just werewolves in Florida, but Brujas as well! Both sound like people you would find in Florida. “Florida Bruja drops pants, licks man, dances naked in Waffle House parking lot”?

Where was I? Oh. Yes. Lobizona by Romina Garber!

Seventeen-year-old Manuela Azul (she goes by Manu) and her mother, Soledad, have been living in Miami illegally for most of Manu’s life. Manu has a strange eye condition, in which her pupils and irises look like stars so she has to wear sunglasses 24/7 to avoid freaking other people out. Though I’m certain if she walked into an optometrist’s convention with eyes like those she’d immediately be the most popular girl in the whole room, but since she and her mom are in the country illegally, that sort of attention would be very, very bad.

Soledad had to flee Argentina because Manu’s father, Fierro, was supposedly high up with some bad people who disapproved with his relationship with Soledad. So much so that they killed him, sending Soledad into hiding. If they knew Soledad was alive, and that Manu even existed, Fierro’s people would kill them both.

And, as if hiding from Fierro’s people were bad enough, Manu and Soledad are on a constant lookout for ICE. If their apartment building is raided by ICE, they could be deported, back to Argentina where they’d be sitting ducks for Fierro’s murderous family and friends. So Manu has lived a sheltered life within a tiny apartment with her mom and their elderly friend Perla, who has sheltered them for years.

And! As if being an undocumented immigrant with freaky-eye syndrome forever anxious that the next car might be full of ICE agents while stuck in a tiny apartment was bad enough, Manu also - also! - suffers from horrible periods. Joy. Every month, her mom gives her a special pill that puts her to sleep for three straight days just so she sleep through the pain. That’s shit makes PCOS sound like a walk in the park. (Note: do not go for a walk in the park right now and if you do remain 6 feet away from everyone else at all times). Also, where can I get a hold of a drug that can let me sleep through my period? I like the sound of that.

So Manu has spent much of her life dreaming of escape and a life without fear. Currently, her only hope is the knowledge that her mom is doing her best to get them both legal status. Then one day, Manu notices some strange people hanging around her apartment building. Then Perla is attacked and hospitalized. In a panic, Manu rushes off to find her mom...only to find that Soledad has been lying to her for quite some time. Soledad isn’t a maid for some rich lady - she works at an underground Miami clinic. And she never intended to apply for legal status for her and Manu.

Just as she’s reeling from this revelation, ICE raids the underground clinic. From here, the story takes a weird left-turn. On the run, Manu leaps into the back of a truck, and, after a long ride that sounded way more comfortable than a long ride in the bed of a truck should sound (seriously, there’s no jostling, no being flung about, no wind burn...I get that Florida is pretty flat, but aren’t there potholes? Rocks? Also, isn’t it illegal for someone to ride in the bed of a truck? How did no one else not see her and call the cops?) she ends up deep within the Florida Everglades. After somehow hopping out of the guy’s truck without him noticing that she was ever in there (again, how??? I drive a truck and would absolutely notice if someone were hitching a ride back there. Hey, how come I’m fishtailing significantly less than I usually do? Oh, wait, there’s a human back there) Manu stumbles upon...

A secret school for brujas and werewolves. In the Florida Everglades. And she meets people her age who have eyes just like hers. Suddenly, the puzzle pieces start fitting together - her father must have been a part of this society, not some criminal organization. Manu is half magic. She’s living the ultimate Harry Potter dream! And, somehow, without paying tuition or applying, Manu is allowed to join the school. Finaly, Manu has somewhere that she belongs, and even begins to make friends. She even starts making eyes at a hunky werewolf named Tiago.

There’s just one problem, though. The society that Manu has found herself in has some pretty strict gender roles. Girls are brujas, guys are werewolves. Period, end of sentence. But, even though she definitely belongs among this magical society, Manu doesn’t really have the powers of a bruja. She’s something else.

And there is one thing her mom wasn’t lying about - Fierro’s people are still pissed. Brujas and werewolves are not supposed to have relationships with humans. It’s forbidden. Like, really forbidden. Ultra forbidden. If Manu is found to be half-human, she’ll be killed.

So Manu has traded living forever in fear being an undocumented immigrant in America...for living forever in fear being half-human in a world of magical creatures who think hybrids are evil.

Good luck with that, Manu! Also, there’s still the question of the whereabouts of her still missing father. Is he dead? Alive? And what is Manu, if she’s not a bruja?

(If you speak Spanish, the title is a dead giveaway. Let me give you a hint: Manu’s hair is perfect. Aaooooo!)

Despite a couple of hiccups in the beginning - the book starts pretty slow before taking that weird left-turn into the Everglades and Bruja Werewolf academy. And, as is typical in the first book of a series, much time is spent establishing everything, and less on giving us closure or answers to the big questions. Like, for example, the fate of Mimitos. See, Manu has one friend in the apartment complex, an adorable cat named Mimitos. Mimitos’s owner is a bit senile, so Manu takes care of him...only after Manu flees after Perla is attacked, Mimitos disappears and is promptly never mentioned again. What happened to Mimitos? Is he OK? Is someone feeding him or giving him water and pets and cuddles and WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MIMITOS, ROMINA?!!?! I demand answers.

Maybe he went off to live in the Cat Kingdom from The Cat Returns? Maybe? Probably? Hopefully?

Ahem. Well, my ability to render a serious and well-thought out book review in the time of COVID-19 has gone to shit, so I’ll be brief. Lobizona is gorgeously written and a fascinating blend of YA contemporary and YA fantasy. I also love the warring gender dynamics within the magical society of brujas and werewolves - not everyone loves the strict binary, or the fact that they’re not allowed to hang out with humans. Ultimately, Lobizona is a brilliant story of a girl looking desperately for a place to belong within not just one, but two worlds that don’t want her - that have deemed her wrong. Illegal. And Manu is tired of that bullshit. If the human and magical worlds don’t want her, damn it, she’s going to go off and find a place that does.

Go forth and kick ass, Manu!

Another aspect of the book that I really liked (your mileage may vary, depending on how big of a language nerd you are) is how Garber discussed how there are many different dialects of Spanish. Argentinian Spanish apparently has a sing-song quality which makes me wonder if the English dialect equivalent of Argentinian Spanish would be Upper Midwest English, you know, like in Fargo. The Upper Midwest was settled heavily by Scandinavian immigrants and the Scandinavian languages do have a sing-song quality to them, then, well...

I'd love to know more about the different dialects of Spanish. If only I'd learned Spanish. I didn’t. I learned German, Schwachkopf that I am.

Which brings me to my rant, because I do love to rant. This does have something to do with Lobizona. Kind of. Anyway:

One of my biggest pet peeves in fiction is untranslated dialog. For some reason it really irks me, mostly because it reminds me of how dumb I am and how I should have learned more than just one other foreign language. I mean, seriously, I should have learned Spanish. I never did because I was that contrary moron who, upon seeing that everyone else was taking Spanish said, “screw you, I’ll take German!” Ultimately a bad idea, but, hey, Deutsch ist eine Wunderschöne Sprache. I don’t mind bits of untranslated stuff, so long as there are context clues as to what they might be saying.

I also find it annoying to have a sentence in a different language, and then have the sentence immediately after translate the preceding sentence. For readers that are fluent in both languages, you just made them read the same sentence twice, unless there’s a bilingual bonus in there. For readers out there who don’t speak that language, their eyes just glaze over and they skip the dialog entirely, in favor of the translation. Why not just say they were speaking in [insert foreign language here] then continue on?

I mean, I get wanting to show off your foreign language skills, or make the reader feel good about their language skills, or give a nod to fellow native speakers who also have had to master the cluster fuck of a language that is English (seriously, one of the best descriptions of the English language I’ve read is that English is basically three children in a trench coat pretending to be an adult, but as a language). Still, I find untranslated dialog super annoying. Because I dumb.

The worst example of this that I’ve ever encountered (and probably what soured me for any other instances of untranslated dialog ever in the future) was in this terrible translation of Thomas Mann’s The Magic Mountain that I read in college - you’d think an English translation of a German book would be entirely in English...yeah no, 3/4 of the way in, I found myself facing pages - multiple pages! - of untranslated....French.

French!

In a book that had already been translated from the German.

Damn it, translator, was there some sort of contract dispute in which you said, “well, they’re paying me to translate the book from German to English, so I’ll just leave these several pages of French conversation untranslated.”

Rrraaaage.

I was already frustrated with that book (it’s not great) but slogging through several pages of untranslated French with zero footnotes or even a translation provided in the afterward made me want to set the book on fire.

What does this have to do with Lobizona? Very little, except there are a few instances of untranslated dialog that, even if you speak zero Spanish, you’ll be able to figure out pretty quick. It just gave me awful Zauberberg flashbacks that brought back all that rrrrrage.

Fuck it, guys, we’re in the middle of a pandemic, and I promise cromulent reviews, not good ones.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone looking for an amazing blend of YA contemporary lit and fantasy that features kickass werewolves living in the Florida Everglades.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Bigots, assholes, people who use the word “illegals” to refer to other human beings, werewolves who hate brujas, brujas who hate werewolves, non YA fantasy fans, anyone who objects to YA fiction containing actual real world problems.

RATING:4/5

RELEASE DATE: May 5, 2020

WEREWOLF RATING:

HOW TERRIFIED I AM OF COVID-19 RIGHT NOW:

Ahahahahaha I’m scared you guys. I still have to commute via public transportation to work downtown in a major city.

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the-desolated-quill · 7 years

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Captain Britain Joining The MCU. Give Me Fucking Strength - Quill’s Scribbles

You know there are some points in my life where a person or a movie studio does something so stupid and moronic that my only response is... what the fuck are you doing?

DC, what the fuck are you doing?

Marvel, what the fuck are you doing?

Kevin Feige... what the fuck are you doing?!

Yes, apparently Marvel Studios are considering putting Captain Britain into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Something I’m sure every comic book fan in the land has been crying out for. Now I’m sure you’re wondering what I, a British person, may think of this. Do I feel patriotic? Proud that such a ‘beloved’ British icon is going to be part of the MCU?

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Yeah, I can’t say I’m excited about the prospect and the reason is because... um... how do I put this?... Captain Britain is quite possibly the dumbest thing to ever come out of Marvel (and I’m including Howard The Duck).

Captain Britain was created by Chris Claremont and Herb Trimpe to be the British equivalent of Captain America. But whereas Captain America took off and became a relatively integral part of the American comics industry, Captain Britain never had quite the same impact with us Brits. In fact in contrast with Captain America, he’s actually a very obscure character. While he does have his fans (very few fans), most people have either never heard of him or, like me, can’t stand the fucking sight of him, finding the character to be more patronising than patriotic.

There’s a number of reasons why Captain Britain never took off, but first let’s quickly sum up his backstory. Brian Braddock (smirk) was born into an aristocratic family in Essex and educated at Fettes College In Edinburgh. Because his family were no longer rich enough to fraternise with their academic peers, Brian was a quiet and lonely child because he was too proud to fraternise with the lower classes (and I’m sure we in the lower classes were eternally grateful for that, you stuck up git). After his parents, Sir James and Lady Elizabeth (oh I do beg your pardon) die in a laboratory accident, Brian gets a job at a nuclear facility at Darkmoor. When this facility is attacked by a terrorist, Brian gets on his motorcycle (a motorcycle? Oh come now! Surely that’s far too lower class for him. Shouldn’t he be riding a horse and cart? Pip, pip! Tally ho chaps! We’ll give the ruffians what for!) and goes looking for help only to then crash and get seriously injured (you had one job! That’s you off the Queen’s Christmas card list). He is then saved by Merlyn (yes, that Merlin) and is offered the chance to become Captain Britain. He’s asked to choose between the Amulet of Right (pffft) and the Sword of Might (tee hee). Brian chooses the amulet and he transforms into the champion of Great Britain, fighting for Queen and country and all that is pre-shrunk and cottony... Oh no, wait. That’s from Captain Underpants. Have you ever read Captain Underpants? It’s a brilliant series of books. Very funny. Did you know that DreamWorks are doing a movie adaptation? I’m very excited! :D

Now you may have noticed that I wasn’t really taking this seriously. And really, how could I? It sounds more like a parody of Captain America. But no. Apparently we’re supposed to be taking this very seriously. So come on. Let’s be serious about this for a moment. No! Stop sniggering! Control yourselves, please! This could very well be the next big thing in the MCU.

As I said, there are many reasons why Captain Britain never really took off. The most glaring example being how stereotypical it is. He comes from an aristocratic family. He went to a boarding school. It’s incredibly painful. He’s one step away from spending Sunday afternoons playing croquet in the grounds and sipping tea in the gazebo before retiring to his four poster bedroom where his butler will give him a glass of port as a nightcap and remind him to get up early in the morning so he won’t be late for a spot of fox hunting with the chaps from Grantham House. I mean Jesus Christ!

Another big reason why Captain Britain doesn’t work is because we don’t really have the same relationship to our flag and our country as the Americans do. Oh sure we can be patriotic on occasion, such as on remembrance days or royal events, but America takes it to a whole other level. Americans love their country. They love their flag. They’re proud to be Americans. To the point where they even have laws dictating how you should take care of your flag. You can actually get punished for not cleaning your flag properly. In some states it’s illegal to wash your flag in a washing machine because it’s disrespectful. That’s insane! Like... it’s just a piece of cloth! Calm down! Brits, generally speaking, don’t have that kind of relationship. In fact kind of the opposite. We often mock our country and view it with a certain amount of disdain. The only people who feel truly patriotic about Britain are the royalists and other such nutters. People who passionately believe that Britain is the best country in the world, who love the Royal family and harken back to the UK’s glorious yesteryears (which never actually existed). While both Captain America and Captain Britain are both equally dumb ideas, I can see why Americans would be drawn to Captain America. An American patriot who stands for American ideals and wears the American flag across his chest with pride. Captain Britain on the other hand, with his Union Jack and his Amulet of Right, is more likely to produce snorts of laughter from us Brits.

But I’ll say one thing for Captain America. It may be a stupid idea and he may talk as though he has the Declaration of Independence shoved firmly up his arse, but at least he doesn’t act all high and mighty or try to lord it over everyone else. No. He fights for the common man and that’s largely because he was a common man himself. A wimpy kid off the streets of Brooklyn determined to become a soldier and fight the Nazis, wanting to protect his country from injustice. His inner strength, good will and patriotism is what made him a prime candidate for the Vita-Ray experiment and he represents an aspirational figure that kids can look up to. Captain Britain is precisely not that. In fact he represents what the majority of Brits actually hate. An overly privileged, upper class prick who has great power bestowed onto him despite the fact that he’s done very little to actually deserve it.

And that’s by far the biggest problem with Captain Britain. As a character, he just doesn’t appeal to us Brits. He’s above us and he sees himself as above us. We don’t want to see that. If we wanted to see that, we’d just watch BBC Parliament. Let me give you an idea of the kind of characters we in the UK love:

Derek Trotter, more commonly known as Del Boy, was the main protagonist of the hugely successful sitcom Only Fools & Horses and is arguably one of the most beloved characters in British culture today. A market trader and con man who sells hooky gear on the streets of Peckham and often gets into trouble due to his get rich quick schemes.

Dave Lister, a vending machine repair man from the sci-fi sitcom Red Dwarf. This lager drinking, curry loving slob ends up becoming the last surviving member of the human race and a Godlike figure to a new race of people that evolved from his pet cat. As the series progressed, he helped his robot Kryten break his programming and become fully independent, and it’s this that helps him to grow and mature to become the space hero he is now in the current series.

Victor Meldrew, from the sitcom One Foot In The Grave. A middle aged man forced into early retirement and having to find ways to pass the time, be it through peculiar hobbies or shouting at the weird events happening around him, much to the dismay of his wife Margaret.

Basil Fawlty, from the beloved sitcom Fawlty Towers, has become one of the most iconic characters in British culture. A traditionalist, right wing hotelier desperately seeking to raise his social status and to become successful, but is forced to work with people he absolutely despises, including his incompetent Spanish waiter Manuel.

Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced Bouquet) is the main character of the sitcom Keeping Up Appearances. Housewife to her eternally suffering husband Richard, she’s a pompous snob desperately seeking to maintain the illusion that she’s wealthier and more socially important than she actually is. However her attempts to climb the social ladder are often ruined by her working class sisters or her senile father.

And finally, just to bring this back into the realm of comic books there’s:

John Constantine. The chain smoking, working class magician from Liverpool who fights dark supernatural forces on a regular basis and frequently has to make morally dubious choices, often resulting in the deaths of his friends and loved ones.

Now what do all of these characters have in common? They’re all underdogs. Working class. Losers. Idiots. Failures. Those are the types of characters we’re drawn to as a culture. The reason why I included so many sitcom characters is because I feel they perfectly demonstrate the difference between British and American culture. America is brimming with idealism and aspiration. The idea that anyone can become greater than their humble origins, and this is reflected in their culture. In most American movies and TV shows and comic books, the main character is often smarter, wittier, tougher and/or funnier than the audience, representing someone they can aspire to be like. Here in Britain, where our rigid class system is permanently ingrained into us at an early age, we mostly accept the fact we’re likely going to stay where we’re at for the rest of our lives and so our media reflects that by giving us characters that are in similar situations to us. The reason we identify with the likes of Constantine and Lister and Del Boy is because they operate on our level and share our problems and worries. They’re one of us. When Basil Fawlty and Hyacinth Bucket arrogantly disregard their working class roots and try to raise their social status, it’s funny when they fail because serve them right for looking down on us. But when Del Boy eventually becomes a millionaire at the end, we’re legitimately happy for him because we like the character, we want to see him succeed and we’re glad he managed to succeed without compromising who he is. And that’s why Captain Britain will never be accepted by us. He is above us and has power over us and we don’t like that. People with power and authority are to be mocked and shamed, not to be celebrated or aspired to be like.

The idea that Kevin Feige is even considering putting Captain Britain into the MCU for me proves what I’ve been saying about Marvel all along. That they don’t care about creating a coherent or entertaining universe, that they’re adding characters and storylines just for the sake of adding characters and storylines, and that Kevin Feige clearly doesn’t have the slightest fucking idea of what he’s doing. If he did, he honestly wouldn’t think Captain Britain would be a profitable or worthwhile project to pursue. I also feel extremely annoyed by all of this. Remember when Feige said we were definitely going to see an LGBT+ superhero appear in the MCU at some point in the next ten years? Or just recently when he said we were totes going to see Miles Morales’ Spider-Man show up in the MCU at some point in the future? All of these vague half-promises constantly pushed back to make way for more ‘important’ projects like an Ant-Man sequel, an Inhumans TV series or Captain fucking Britain.

Regardless of what your thoughts are on the state of the MCU right now, I think we can all agree that when you get to the stage when you’re seriously considering Captain Britain as a legitimately good idea... maybe it’s time to take a break and reevaluate just what the fuck it is you’re actually doing.

#captain britain #marvel cinematic universe #quill's scribbles

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