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teeth-cable · 10 months

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You know if Vivziepop wanted Helluva to transition from comedy to drama there was an easy ways to do its without jumping the shark.

The imps are hired killers payed by sinners who have done terrible shit.

Don't expect me to believe I.M.P. hasn't killed innocent people because you really think that awful people only have grudges against awful people.

Like Murder Family would be a great set up for this eventually coming up because Moxxie can't justify killing innocent people. Like all the clients have been evil so he can sleep at night but if there's a target who has done nothing wrong is Moxxie gonna be able to cross that line? Like this is prime conflict potential within I.M.P.

Maybe as the series progresses the main I.M.P. plot the imps get hired to kill for pettier and more petty shit. Hell have Stolas send them on missions like it was set up in the pilot if you want to justify him being here more and not take a left turn in the plot. Maybe have characters comment on how ridiculous the reason for revenge is.

Then imagine one day if the client is an abuser who was killed by their victim in self defense. As the episode goes on we see hints and clues to what went down. Maybe Moxxie and Loona (if she is there) start putting the pieces together. While Blitzo who doesn't give a shit about the target ignores them or doesn't notice. Millie has a healthier life overall so she might interpret the target and client doing typical stuff she sees in Wrath or both evil.

Then when Moxxie or Loona finds the target and learns the truth... There's a few ways for it to play out.

1. The target is let go

2. They hesitate and either Millie or Blitzo take the target out.

Either way it devolves into an argument about morality and i don't expect Moxxie or Loona to fully reveal backstories especially since Millie doesn't know what went down in Moxxie's life but i would think they would hint at it. Maybe Loona could elude to it:

"Blitzo, do you remember when you took me in. The shithole I grew up in! Did you think for a moment I was never hurt? You want to do the dirty work of someone like those assholes?"

Moxxie would probably just stare at Millie intensely.

Like showing a conflict of morals is such a good way to develop your characters and see what lines they will or won't cross and the characters are literally assassins yet that only comes up once and meant nothing because Martha is evil.

If the characters are morally grey, deep and complex like Vivziepop claims yet she does nothing to have the characters morals challenged. Like Moxxie having issues was portrayed as him being in the wrong and a joke. The closest we get to that genuine conflict is Harvest Moon festival where you legitimately can't tell if Blitzo is tempted to let Stolas die and join Striker. Like Striker has legitimate decent points to bring up that are hard to argue against. We know Blitzo isn't a person who believes murder is wrong so that concept wouldn't be the source of conflict. The source is even though he does dislike Stolas at the point and wants to be unshackled and free is he willing to let him live despite that?

We also see that Striker's words did have an impact on Blitzo despite the choice to go against him being made. That's good shit. Like does this mean Blitzo could've easily chosen to let Stolas die then?

Like that's a very complex bucket of worms to address but alas Striker's character seems like it is going to slowly degrade as the show goes on just to dump that bucket of worms in the ocean because if Striker is going to be retconned as a selfish bigot that ruins the moral ambiguity of this scene. Like you can have evil characters tempt characters in media, common trope and all. But usually the audience knows they are evil or its a plot twist. Usually with known evil characters its temptation mainly when you know the protagonist is going to stay on the side of good. However if the audience knows but the protagonist doesn't/plot twist that nobody knows its usually manipulation because if the protagonist chooses their morals then that's gonna out the villain as one.

Morally grey antagonists like Striker are usually 50/50 in what choice the character chooses because grey villains always have somewhat of a point that makes them gray after all. Now im not invalidating manipulation as a valid tactic in storytelling by villains, if its written well it can show power not by might but with words and add a pinch of tragedy or saying morally grey ones cant manipulate but Im just using broad strokes to paint how if Striker gets retconned it takes away from Blitzos decision. It makes it less of a hard choice if Striker is just going to be made into what Vivziepop is intending based off twitter likes.

Like the framing ruins Blitzo being morally grey if Striker is a generic asshole. Instead Blitzo will fall into more of an almost manipulated hero. Which makes him more innocent in the matter.

Then we have Millie. Lets be honest Millie has two traits which is cheerful/sweet and good at killing and everything plot relevant to her is tied to Moxxie.

Like she killed people in her neighborhood. Like Millie legitimately wants to kill people and is disappointed when she's not allowed to.

Like if she's so nonchalant with murder why not have that be tested then? Like what's her line she wont cross in killing or how does her being a serial killer with no remorse who takes pleasure in it effect her life.

Like Millie unlike the rest of the cast has a decent life

Like if she's ignorant to peoples issues because of her blessed life like a lot of people are when they don't research other peoples experiences (this is proven by the amitheasshole subreddit) co-opt that into her murder sprees. Like would Millie not care if the target was an orphan? Would Millie kill a child? If so how does her lack of morals effect her relationships with others or viewpoint of the world.

Like we know from the Alastor comic despite him being a mass murderer he doesn't kill the weak and will go out of his way to protect them, that's moral grayness.

Like the only moral grayness with Millie is her being a killer but... Everyone in Helluva is... Shes not unique in that regard and is often praised for her bloodlust.

But her being so wrathful makes me question why Moxxie even married her because their morals are clearly different. Like Moxxie was traumatized by his time in the mafia and killed a man at like 5 and immediately learned his father killed his mother in the same way. Why would Moxxie want to fuck someone who realistically if Helluva took place irl would trigger him.

Honestly I question why Moxxie is in I.M.P. but that's a different discussion.

Millie and Moxxie having different morals could work if you address it because rn its a huge ass elephant. Like im supposed to buy that these two are a couple who are madly in love and have no issues at all when one of them was traumatized by murder and the other doesn't care to turn the ocean red???

Like if Millie had other traits or we knew her killing morals then I could buy them actually marrying the other.

Just the lack of morals ambiguity is fucking nuts in a show about assassins.

Out of all the rewrites I have read for Helluva Boss, this one is my favorite so far. The main series drama being the moral ambiguity of assassinates makes so much sense. Not only does it relate to the premise of a work class comedy that Viv advertised but also there is a lot more you can work with for drama.

I alway had a few problems with Stotliz becoming the main drama of the show. First, as the series continued it became more about Stotliz and less about the imps and their job, the very thing Viv promised and advertised the show will be. Second Blitzo and Stolas are only affected by their relationship. Moxxie and Millie aren't affected and Octavia and Stella just get repeated plot lines. Nothing new happens and it's strange because Stolas has so much power in Hell that when he screws up, it should have big consequences. There should be new arcs about Octavia being resentful towards Stolas instead of only running away and forgiving him, Stella using her status and power to smear Stolas's reputation, and the M&M should actually be worried about Stotliz because their jobs are made possible by the relationship so if Blitzo and Stolas have a falling out and they can't use the grimore anymore, they will be out of a job. Relating to this, how come the stress of the relationship and breakup hasn't change Blitzo? He has trauma and PTSD towards relationships because all of his pervious ones failed terribly. When he broke up with Stolas, shouldn't he have become more distance towards imps because he got hurt again and doesn't want to risk the same fate with the only friends he has left? Maybe he becomes more creepy and invasive about the M&M because he's so desperately want to feel intimacy and wants to know what they're doing right and what he's doing wrong, there needs to be some kind of change in his character and relationships to show how the breakup impacted him. Third, Stolas is just a pointless character to have in the main cast. He doesn't relate to the majority of the IMP crew, his arc about being a gay man stuck in an abusive relationship doesn't relate to the show being a work place comedy about assassins, and his only plot importance is giving the imps the Grimore. Stolas could have just been a side character who has three minutes of screentime in every Ep to establish his relationship with Blitzo and his purpose or just be a guy we only know though Blitzo's dialogue, there is no reason for him to have such a big role in the context of Helluva Boss being a show about imps assassinations. Maybe Stotliz could be a running side-plot throughout the show and it comes full-circle when Stolas orders the IMPs to kill Stella but there is no reason for Stotliz to become the main focus on the show especially when it doesn't related imps or assassination.

This rewrite explores the idea of morals and ethics better and fleshes out and fits the characters' theme better. Moxxie is a great example of this, he doesn't want to kill innocent people and so far all the people he has kill, he assumes were or learned are assholes but what will he do when he realize he was send to kill a harmless person? I'm curious how this new conflict will affect Loona because most of the time she never goes on missions to assassinate and she pretends to not care about other people. Also how will this contradict her relationship with Blitzo? Will Blitzo still kill the person despite Loona saying how wrong it is, he doesn't want to hurt her but at the same time, it's their job to kill people and he just doesn't care about the person they kill. After he kills the person, how will Loona react? Same thing with M&M, maybe Moxxie married Millie because he thought she was a sweet girl with a brute side but he realizes from their job that Millie is a bloodlust person who loves killing and doesn't care about the ethics and morals. This causes a strife in their relationship just like with Blitzo and Loona and now it becomes a "Us vs Them" situation where Moxxie and Loona become closer and trying to convince them to only kill terrible people but Blitzo and Mille doesn't care but they're not being mean because they're assholes but because in Hell it's difficult for imps to be respected and if killing both terrible and innocent people can give the imps and their job respect then they will continued to kill. Honestly this drama just works better because now everyone in the main cast is affected and we get to learn about their relationships and how people's backstories affect their world views.

#꧁rambles꧂#➥Asks #helluva boss criticism #helluva critical #helluva boss critical

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semi-sketchy · 4 months

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I guess I'll give my Sonic Prime thoughts now.

Yeah the show is pretty ehh and honestly I don't feel like trying to write a deep dive into why right now, so this is just my ramblings.

Many people have already criticized how poorly paced season 3 was, how bad Thorn's episodes are, what that ending even was (seriously, where did Shadow even take the Prism...? Did everyone else make it back to their worlds okay...? WTF was the outcome with Nine?) I agree with that so I'm not gonna repeat it all.

The premise itself had more potential, but it's just so...generic. I know, the idea of Sonic traveling across a multiverse of other canons was never going to happen, but the alternative of Sea World™ and Jungle World™ were so bland it hurts.

I wonder if part of the visual blandness is from the 3D. I know, as a show and not a movie, it has a very different budget, but I believe Boom had better and more lively environments. It's like the entire set modeling budget went to New Yoke while everywhere else got completely shafted.

Which...why was New Yoke the only place that got an Eggman? Er...Eggmen? Like I know the idea of there only being one Sonic is because he broke the Prism, Shadow doesn't have counterparts because he wasn't in the cave, but neither was Big? Like happy to see Big, but also I'm wondering where the consistency is.

Though all the counterparts are so stereotypical it hurts. I think Dread was the one I found the most compelling, though maybe I just like pirates. Also is it bad when Chaos Sonic showed up and even Sonic was like "do you EVER shut up?" all I could think about was IDW like that guy was ANNOYING AF

As for Sonic, he is VERY vocal in this show. If he's not talking, he's grunting or screaming. It's like the audio department didn't know what to do if a character wasn't making noise, like YouTuber who constantly uses jumpcuts to hopefully keep your attention. That's what it felt like. In a cinematic story, sometimes silence is better, but nope! Sonic is falling again! He got hit! He's running really fast! It's like they use the same 3 high energy sound clips for the whole show and I just got tired of it. It's not the VA's fault, this is entirely on the audio mixing/direction and it's only really a problem with Sonic because he's made out to be a clumsy, lovable and meme-worthy dork.

Sonic himself really is the biggest problem for me. Even putting aside how OOC he is, his shtick is just...tiresome. He's the idiotic embodiment of stereotypical ADHD. He's designed to be marketable as a silly internet blorbo rather than a compelling character. It's kind of hard to look past how the show heralds him for his emotional talks bringing everyone together when it's so...shallow.

There are some parts of the show I found compelling, like I know many disagree with this, but honestly? Shadow was the best part. Sonic and Shadow fights are cool and I liked how he had a solid reason to be angry. Not like Boom where he just shows up to kick Sonic's teeth in because he can. No, Sonic broke reality and Shadow is pissed about that! Trying to simply fix it himself when he's been watching Sonic stumble through all these Shatterspaces going "huh aren't you my friends?" eight times like an absolute buffoon tracks to me. Maybe if Sonic was written competently I would think it's silly, but if Sonic is going to be this dumb, yeah Shadow was right to try and take the reins. Although I realize the biggest reason people like him is because Sonadow, I'm just happy to see him not being a mean edgelord.

I don't really have more to say about the series than this because it's just a bowl of nothing soup. I can see an attempt to blend action and comedy, similar to Boom, but the jokes aren't funny and the action isn't exciting. Boom recognized its strong suit was comedy and focused more on that while Prime just slowly got worse.

Legit the only thing that improves over the course of the series is the overuse of flashbacks, thankfully that's relegated mostly to season 1, but everything else just goes downhill. The pacing suffers, dialogue gets repeated at agony and Prism Sonic wasn't even made interesting.

The conflicts aren't good, the slapstick is bad and honestly the best joke in the series is when they all had to keep pausing and ducking under the laser in episode 2. The whole thing is just so...forgettable.

I think at some point in a year or two, after I get through all the other Sonic cartoons, I'll rewatch Prime and see if I change my mind at all. Though for now, I'm glad it's finally over.

#sonic prime #sonic prime spoilers

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trashexplorer · 1 year

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BLCD Review: Unmei no Tsugai ga Omae da Nante

Title: Unmei no Tsugai ga Omae da Nante (運命の番がお前だなんて)

Author/Artist: Haruta

Release Date: 2021/06/25

Cast:

Okitsu Kazuyuki x Masuda Toshiki

Taito Ban

Tsuchida Reiou

Kobayashi Kousuke

Matsuura Yoshiyuki

Tanaka Tomomi

Watanabe Yoshimi

Synopsis: Free-spirited omega Shishikura and straight-laced alpha Kotani have disliked each other since middle school, so neither are pleased to learn they will both be working at the same company. Shishikura is even less thrilled when he discovers that he and Kotani are a fated pair! The two men take verbal swipes at each other every chance they get, yet still wind up in bed together again and again. Both chalk it up to biology and refuse to admit that deeper feelings might be involved, and Shishikura begins looking into other potential marriage partners. Will this tsundere couple ever get their act together, or will destiny be derailed by their own stubbornness?

Review Proper

Finally, the thing I mistook for Yukyuu Omega is here. *exhale*

If y’all know me, you’ll know that I absolutely abhor omegaverse (you can thank Kurui Naku Ban Beta, Sayonara Alpha, and Erito for that). Literally everything you could do in an abo has already been done. I don’t see a point in making more of these. Mangakas: Okay, let’s do domsub instead But hey, am I not a Okitsu whore? No. Anyway, even though I was excited about listening to this, I knew I was going to hate Kotani because he was an asshole.

There’s only one thing worse than an abo.

AN ABO WITH AN ASSHOLE CHARACTER.

But, in spite of myself, I actually enjoyed this.

I’m having a moral crisis, help.

JK. Unmei no Tsugai doesn’t sell itself as a serious plot, so it shouldn’t be taken seriously either. Unlike our deep try-hards. I mean, it’s your pretty run-of-the-mill dumbass gets an excuse to fuck the asshole, falls in love with him, the asshole becomes more of an asshole, the dumbass drags a third party to make him jealous, the asshole becomes more of an asshole, poor third party gets led on and dumped, and the dumbass and asshole finally gets together without the asshole even apologizing, medetashi, medetashi. But the way that Haruta wrote and movic set it all up was fantastic.

Now this is how you do comedy. I initially had some doubts ‘cause the narration in the first track was kind of strange lmao. It went from medieval style to traditional Japanese and it was narrated by someone who sounded like a news broadcaster wth. Is this a densetsu??? The CD later turned out to be a whole vocal flex for Massuu and Okitsu ‘cause goddamn.

Massuu, for starters, used a tone slightly above his Hirokuni but slightly smoother. I haven’t read the manga before, so I wasn’t sure how things were going to go, so I was very surprised that he pulled his shounen (aka his Kirishima) voice later! I loved it. His changes were dynamic, chaotic, and very fitting for Shishikura. AND! AND! JESUS CHRIST HIS SEXAY MONOLOGUES!!! HELLO??? WAS HE PAID EXTRA??? Y’ALL GOTTA HEAR ALL THE BEDROOM SUBJUGATIONS!!! I didn’t know he had that in him tbh. I was just blown away. He has never bottomed this chaotically before, if I recall correctly. It’s evident that he had a lot of fun recording this (as did Okitsu as per the cast talk) and I love that! It makes me wish this had a second volume so we could hear more of this kind of Massuu.

Onto Okitsu,

Y’all already know what I’m gonna say.

Is my bias over Okitsu making me like this? Who knows? But it’s undeniable that my man has, once again, slayed this role. I won’t talk about his perfect performance much ‘cause I’ve already run out of praises years ago, so just know that if you’re not an Okitsu bitch by now, you’re really missing out lmao.

ALSO

I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WE’VE WITNESSED OKITSU PLAY TWO BETAS, A PRETEND OMEGA, AND NOW FINALLY AN ALPHA!!! We don’t count the disrespect that was Shounen no Kyoukai

-Chesk, 25, hates abos but will listen if Okitsu’s in it

Anywho, these two also had great chemistry with each other. They’re more or less in sync during their mattress mambos, so I really wasn’t spazzing out during Smoky Nectar. I was thinking maybe I was asking for too much. 😂 Idk what to feel, knowing that this is Fatgum x Kirishima

In conclusion, get this. Get this if you’re a fan of the series and abo in general. And if you dislike abo like me, this still is worth getting if you’re an Okitsu/Massuu stan. If you want to see just what makes voice actors good, you’ll be in the right place. As for those who want to read the manga along with the BLCD, it is doable, but bear in mind that there is added and cut dialogue. I only have the magazine releases, and I’ve noticed that the narrations are rearranged, so do try buying the tank if you can (reading the Chrima release with it is doable too tho). Gosh, I really wish this wasn’t an abo lmao. Anyway, I’m afraid there aren’t a lot of gag abos like this out there, so I wouldn’t be able to recommend anything similar. Go Kashikomarimashita: Destiny and Re:birth for more Okitsu tho

#blcd reviews #blcd 2021 reviews #unmei no tsugai ga omae da nante #haruta #movic #okitsu kazuyuki #masuda toshiki #taito #kobayashi kousuke #tsuchida reiou #matsuura yoshiyuki #tanaka tomomi #watanabe yoshimi

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protagonistheavy · 6 months

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Not that I ever expected greatness but the FNAF movie sucked on multiple levels. Even if you try to squint and give some generosity to the production, i feel like the direction itself is just flawed to its base.

Most importantly I feel like all the charm and appeal of FNAF is entirely lost here. The movie simple isnt scary at ANY point and leans more as a suspense-comedy than anything else. There's no horror of basically any magnitude. The restaurant quickly loses any sense of creepiness as we get so accustomed with the limited set and rarely get to see anything that made the original restaurant in FNAF so unsettling; the animatronics look way too good and function way more like a regular robots to actually scare anyone, way too much emotion from them -- on top of the fact that we get very familiar with them as characters. They don't use compelling angles enough to sell the creepy-animatronic factor, and we dont see them in regular action to ever get that feeling of "oh god, these corpse robots are interacting with people."

There's basically no gore except cuts, only one James Bond-style death trap, and a VERY campy silhouette death. There is so much potential in this factor, all the gears and machinery that could be used to create horrible situations... but none of that is properly utilized. Violent engagements with the animatronics are just a matter of a guy in a suit pushing other people around. The most violence you get is the fucking cupcake toy, which is just a straight up ghoulie I guess, it's the only competent threat in the movie and is way overused.

But then on top of all this........... get this, there really isn't enough jumpscares in this movie. Which is so fucked up! It's normally too easy for movies to include too many jumpscares... but here, there's such a disappointing lack of them. Jumpscares is so much what FNAF is, if any movie was gonna have too many jumpscares and get away with it, this is the one!! And yet we only get three in the entire movie, including a mid-credits scene, and they're ALL THE SAME GAG. Ugh! The animatronics are supposed to be surprising and hard to see, not henchmen for a Batman villain.

And then the comedy, of which there is too much of, just doesnt normally hit. I giggled more at just the fact that I was watching a FNAF movie than I did at any intentional gag. And this sucks so much too because humor is also a key part to the FNAF feeling, how so many times it can surprise you with such a good joke, or refresh you after a scare by providing something funny in between. That just isnt present here, you just get regular old Hollywood humor, at best it's a "so bad its funny" kind of humor.

Finally, the movie tries too hard to cram in every good idea FNAF ever had into one plotline, and the result is a plotline that makes no sense -- not with the FNAF lore, and not even with its own self. You will be left with so many dumb questions that have no good answers, and even more if youre a fan of the series. Characters are completely different from their inspirations, their motivations are even more whack as hell. It's like the director read a summary of deep FNAF lore and just figured shoving every idea into one plot would be spooky and cover all their bases, but it just makes a jumbled mess of a plot with characters you never give a shit about, in a world that makes little sense and does little to draw you in.

Funny enough, I happened to watch Willy's Wonderland in the background at a party the night before, and even though I wasnt even watching it completely, I have to admit that movie just seemed more compelling than FNAF. It had a protagonist I wanted to learn about, mysteries that keep you wondering, humor that was ridiculous enough to make me laugh more sincerely, and animatronics that frankly had a spookier appeal to them, in a premise that was much more engaging. In some ways, Willy's is even truer to the spirit of FNAF, albeit with Nic Cage action sequences; there's at least a better attempt at conveying a complete story, and it does more to create spooks and frights with the setting. I really loved in Willy's the scenes where Nic Cage is cleaning the place, I love the attention to detail -- which gets you engrossed with the setting, makes you feel like youre there, convinces you it was indeed a happy place once before becoming tarnished. Im definitely thinking waaay more of Willy's than I am of FNAF lol.

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gunsatthaphan · 2 years

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~ BL/GL TAG GAME ~

I got tagged by @cherrymagicalboys thank you so much!! 💜 I love doing these! Also I changed a lot of the BL/GL to just BL since we all know this industry is GL-phobic djfhkdf

Your all time favorite bl character and why.

HECK. This is hard lol. If I dig deep enough, I’m sure I can think of a few but considering the more recent shows, I’m gonna have to go with Yok (Not Me). He had best boi written all over him, he was such a well-rounded character and First absolutely killed it. He was definitely my favorite from the show and also one of my favorites in general. 🥺 Others that I love as well are Haoting (MODC), Third (TOL) and Gene (Lovely Writer).

What’s your one character from a bl you wanted to punt into the stratosphere (you only get one so choose wisely).

There are a few lmao but the first one that comes to mind is Aoey from Lovely Writer. He was the absolute worst. Toxic af, unhinged and ruthless. I despised him and still do lol. So off he goes djhkgd.

The best music moment from a bl.

Third recreating the can’t take my eyes off you scene from 10 things I hate about you in TOL. (forgot the episode) Easily one of the most iconic moments in bl history djkghf.

What’s a popular heterosexual text that you would like to see adapted into a bl/gl?

Not sure what is meant by text but I’m assuming a novel? If so then I think I would love to see a bl or gl rendition of Perks of Being a Wallflower. It’s one of my favorites and I wanna see more coming of age bls and gls.

A scene from a bl that always makes you laugh.

Out of all the bls I’ve seen, none has made me laugh as much as Love Stage did. I can’t think of one specific scene but the comedy in this show was absolutely on point. outstanding lol.

Biggest disappointment.

The Tuxedo and GenY 2. I was very excited for both, The Tuxedo because the premise looked amazing and GenY 2 because I loved the first season and I was excited for more. But both were abysmal. Definitely the 2 biggest disappointments of the last few years lol.

What two random bl/gl characters would make hilarious exes?

Boys: this is very random lol but I feel like Gene (LW) and Type (TT) would make a hilarious exes-duo because they both have a feisty and comedic nature that I enjoyed a lot while watching their respective shows. Also I know Up and Gulf are friends so this would definitely work lol.

Girls: I always thought Miriam and Pang from TonhonChonlatee were a good combination, although they didn’t have many scenes together. But them as exes would be a lot of fun I think. What a wasted potential lol.

Who would be the funniest person to person to watch a bl in its entirety and which one would you make them watch.

out of the tumblr squad I would totally love to watch something with @bl-recs-and-reviews , @leonpob , @danyokers , @german-bl-kpop-lover , @zeejade88 and @wanderlust-in-my-soul cuz I know we would have a blast lol. I know some have already seen it but I would make the others watch Love Stage because it needs to be seen lol.

out of the ppl that I realistically will never watch a show with in this lifetime, I would pick Mix S. because he’s hilarious and I imagine him to be a fun watch-buddy lol. Additionally I wanna rewatch My Engineer with Talay and Perth because I love their reaction videos and I know we would have a good time lol.

Best wardrobe moment/or character wardrobe from a bl.

that’s interesting but also difficult lol. Might be random but I always liked White’s fashion in Not Me. Not when he was dressing up as Black but when he was living his real life lol. Also Gun could wear a trash bag and make it look fashionable so 💁🏼‍♀️

An honorable mention goes out to Lian from Cutie Pie because those suits are just 😩👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻💕

-------------------------------------------------------

This was fun! Thank you for tagging me!! 💜

I’m tagging @bl-recs-and-reviews @leonpob @danyokers @german-bl-kpop-lover @my-wandering-rabbit @wanderlust-in-my-soul @vegaspetes @emisfritish @patprans @tutontawans @shutupimnapping @mikatowelie @liankuea @zeejade88 and everyone else who’s in the mood! 💜

xxx

#tag game #thanks for tagging me!#<3 #this was definitely the most difficult tag ive done so far lmao #but i love it #more please 💜

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moved-to-piersgender · 2 years

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Mettaton for ask game?

Apologies for the late response, I have... a lot to say about him hahaha

favorite thing about them: If I were to list everything about this bot, we would be here all day, so... He's the second character to be so excellent as to induce a wholeass long-term hyperfixation. Every scene with this guy is memorable... and largely fucking hilarious, but that's not the only thing there is to MTT either. He's a complicated, deeply flawed character with a lot of depth, burying insecurity and a lot of difficult, ugly emotions under a painted Hollywood smile. Also... he really is hot he is so fucking hot I've never thirsted this much over a fictional character before aaaaaaa

least favorite thing about them: My MTT related pet peeves are powerful, and they are many. *Deep breath* The fact that he's a hard character to get right and most people don't, either making him a perfect uwu sparkleboy bottom or an irredeemable abuser that doesn't believe in consent. The fact that he's the most neglected main character, with his equivalent of the bit that would have showcased the majority of his character development getting dropped fairly early in development leading to it just getting *implied*. (I don't care that giving him a "date" would have thrown off the pacing of the game, I want more MTT dammit *whine*) The fact that, as funny as he is, comedy's the ONLY reason anyone ever brings him up in stuff Toby Fox added later. The fact that he's not a Lost Soul despite literally being in the room. The wasted potential of Mettaton NEO. I've suspected Toby Fox doesn't know what he has with him more than once before.

favorite line: Every line this fucker says is pure gold, but I'm always partial to "oh, my poor love! I'm so full of grief, I can't stop laughing!".

brOTP: I headcanon that he reconciles with Alphys of course, but I've become particularly invested in his relationship with his bandmates Blooky and Shyren. Especially Blooky. It's gonna be a long hard road to truly making things right with Blooky of course, you can see in the alarm clock dialogue things are still decidedly Not Great with the ghost family and this bot would truly rather die than utter the words "I'm sorry", but... I like to think the family's going to get there... eventually.

OTP: I do think he's a very sexual alloaro, but while I don't go nuts for any there are actually quite a few ships I've gone "okay sure" at (though tbh I read them more as "yeah MTT probably would find this person attractive" than "marriage material").

nOTP: I'll not beat a skeleton horse one more time, I also find Mettaton/Burgerpants rather squicky. That most ungifted in the looks department boy is obnoxiously hetero if nothing else (and there is QUITE A LOT else)

random headcanon: I have. So many. I think about this robot. So much. Two I haven't talked about yet is that I agree with the idea that he transitions partially away from film and TV in the human world, finding the majority of the fame he seeks as a music star with the band. And the reason that he's so shitty to Burgerpants and no other employee is he overheard Burgerpants say something mildly unflattering about his acting skills one (1) time and he's held a grudge literally ever since 😅

unpopular opinion: It's an orientation one yet again but he really does give me more bi/pan vibes than gay vibes. Mspec Metta is a hill I WILL die on.

song i associate with them: "Most songs are about your hyperfixation if you torture the lyrics enough" is in full effect rn, so in addition to just putting "90% of Lady Gaga's musical output" here, Oh No! by Marina reminds me very much of him (though it's not a perfect fit, he very much DID want fame)

favorite picture of them: I no longer have my favorite screenshot I took of him having his heartfelt moment when Blooky calls while mid-splits with an arm up because I did the armor tactic the first time through his fight, so fuck it, y'all are getting this:

He's also the entirety of my "fave" tag (suggestiveness ahead)

#mettaton undertale #ut mettaton #undertale mettaton #Undertale #Mettaton #undertale #Ask Game #Long post

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sonnetthebard · 3 years

Note

This is kind of a crack idea, but I don't really care and I'm throwing it out anyway

Curt and Owen have to go undercover in a show for a mission(keeping an eye on one of the members of the cast maybe?). The show? Either Spies are Forever or a Hatchetfield show, take your pick -S

S anon... you have been waiting a while for this, and I apologize. With Headless, I needed a moment to recharge. So this is going to be a Modern! SAF fic. And as a treat, we're going original cast in an AU. That's right folks. Extra meta content. You asked for crack, you're gonna get crack. Please note: Most of the stories pertaining to the real people involved in this oneshot are made up based on what facts I know about them/ what I’m able to pick up on personalities. I don’t know any of these people personally, though. This is going to be such a ride, so buckle up.

Genre: Comedy/ Action/ Fluff

Words: 5639

TL;DR: Curt and Owen take the stage in order to monitor Chimera and one of their operatives. The thing is, they only have a vague clue as to who they're going after: he was one of the writers.

TW: Swearing, Guns, Fighting- But not much, this is mostly just gonna be a joke.

_________________________________________________

"Next we have... Curt Mega?" The longer-haired one read off, looking at Curt. "Cool name! We might have to use that- if, of course, that's okay with you."

"Oh... yeah, that's fine." Curt chuckled softly.

What, precisely, was Curt doing? Only the thing he'd vowed to Owen that he would never do (other than, of course, leave him): auditioning for a musical. Owen was a total theatre kid, and he'd done his share of musicals. Curt was always in the audience, but he'd jokingly told Owen that he would never be joining him up there. But... here he was. In an audition room. Curt never broke promises, not even joke ones. But these were... extenuating circumstances. In other words, this was for a mission and he had no doubt that Cynthia would actually kill him if he didn't follow through with his orders. Owen gave him a sly, triumphant smirk from across the room, where he was waiting for his audition. Curt got up, following the guy back further into the studio where they were holding auditions.

This mission was an odd one. It was monitoring a potential operative with Chimera Worldwide. Sure, they had the world by storm now- but A.S.S. was getting intel telling them that they might be breaching the privacy rights of people all over the world. In fact, Chimera may be a lot more criminal than they would seem to the naked eye. There was evidence coming to light of plots that could very well end in world domination. The worst part: apparently they were pretty plausible. One world government, puppeted by Chimera. That's why MI6 had sent Owen, and A.S.S. had sent Curt. They were their best agents, and a duo that had proven to work well together.

What did all of that have to do with a musical? To the average joe, nothing. Oh, Chimera had done well. They'd even declined to offer these guys a production grant so as to not seem shady. But... the A.S.S. had reason to believe that one of the writers and producers for the show that they were about to audition for was an operative for Chimera. Now, this play in and of itself may be an independent project. It may have nothing to do with Chimera. But... it was looking like the easiest way to monitor this operative, and so here Curt and Owen were. Owen was thrilled! He loved doing shows. He usually had to slot them into his schedule carefully, though. He couldn't do them during missions. So a mission where he was doing theatre was basically a dream come true for him.

Curt and Owen had chosen roles according to their experience with theatre. Curt had chosen to keep his name as his theatrical stage name, and Owen already did keep his name as a stage name. It was risky, but it also provided their names with a solid cover in the world outside of espionage. Owen had a legitimate resume built. That was why he was going for the lead, currently named 'JB' for 'James Bond' (subject to change). Curt, on the other hand, had stolen his resume from another actor named Curt Mega (who had fully agreed to that and signed an NDA and luckily enough happened to look like Curt). He had literally no acting experience, so he was going for a smaller role: The Informant and Ensemble. Both would likely have eyes on different parts of the production process and the cast. Hopefully they'd get a good idea of what was going on and who their target was. Maybe they'd even get to eliminate the threat! That was Curt's favourite part of missions.

"So, Curt... you did Glee?" The guy who had initially called him asked as they walked.

"Yep!" Curt lied.

"I recognize you! You were one of the Warblers- nice job on that solo in Uptown Girl, by the way." The man chuckled. Oh good. He was passable as the other Curt Mega. "I did Glee too. I was only there for, like, an episode though. But my buddy Darren... well, you probably know him."

"Yeah. He did a phenomenal job as Blaine." Curt smirked. Darren was also on an NDA. The government was being extremely careful.

"I'm Joey Richter. Me and my friends Brian and Corey wrote this show." The man introduced himself, extending his hand. Curt took it, giving him a firm shake. Joey smirked. "Damn... you've got a good shake."

"Thanks." Curt chuckled. He liked this guy. It was hard to imagine right now that he could be talking to an agent for one of the greatest evils known to man since... probably the Nazis. "I'm Curt... I mean, you know that, I just..."

"Yeah, I get it." Joey chuckled along with him. They walked into a room. Inside there were four other men. Two sat behind a table, Curt's supposed 'resume' and headshots laid out in front of them, a stack of papers on the side. Two other men shared a piano bench stationed by a keyboard. None of them were dressed particularly formally. Actually, they were all dressed pretty similarly to Curt. Short-sleeved patterned button-ups were about as formal as it got. So Curt and his black, white and gold striped short-sleeved button-up were in good company. "Hey, guys! This is Curt!"

"Hey! Welcome to the auditions for Spies are Forever!" One of the men behind the table smiled brightly. God, all of these men looked... so innocent. Curt couldn't see any of them being traitors to their country, much less mankind.

"Okay, so that's Brian. The guy beside him is Corey." Joey introduced. Corey waved. "The two guys at the piano bench are Clark and Pierce, our composers and band."

"Hey, Curt." Clark smirked.

"You brought your sixteen bars?" Pierce checked.

"Yep." Curt nodded, popping his 'p' and passing him the binder with his sheet music in it.

He'd brought Being Alive from Company, which Owen said was "such a cliche" and "a terrible choice for a comic show", but it was the song Curt felt most comfortable singing. So he was singing it anyways. Owen was very adamant that Curt had to be careful to actually be cast in the show, but Curt held that that song was his best chance. Curt had always thought he was an okay singer. He had his range that he shined in, and he used that. He never performed though. He wasn't that good. That's why he was going for a mostly non-singing role. He went over his cut with Clark, who was actually the one who would be playing for him. Then he cleared his throat, took a deep breath and gave it the old college try.

The odd thing, Curt thought, was that they seemed very into it. Either they were being very nice to him or they were genuinely enjoying the performance. Curt was a bit surprised by that. Owen was the performer among the two of them. Curt supposed it could just be the song. But then... something else unexpected happened. They asked Curt to do his cold read as 'JB'... and change the name to his own. 'Agent Curt Mega'. It was all getting a bit real for Curt. They liked him. And they liked his cold read. They were laughing during his cold read- and at all the right times! Curt was very confused. This wasn't where he was supposed to shine. He walked out of the audition room, and Owen was called in.

Owen really could not have come out sooner. Curt was anxious. What had he just done? He had given it his best because he thought that the best that could get him was ensemble. Was it going to get him more? Was he ready for more? He was past the point of no return, but... God, what had he just done? Owen came out of his audition, smug and content with himself. Apparently they'd asked him to read multiple sides. Curt hadn't the heart to tell him they'd asked him to read for the lead. A few days passed. Curt almost forgot that he'd even auditioned. That it had been so successful. Basking in the California sun could do that to you. But three days later, it all came back to him all too vividly.

"Curt, I got the email!" Owen announced from where he was lazing on the couch across from Curt in their hotel room. He sat up quickly, eager.

"What does it say?" Curt asked eagerly, sitting up with him. Owen scrolled down on his phone.

"Well... I'm in the show..." Owen furrowed his brows. "But... not in the role I thought. I got Deadliest Man Alive."

"Oh." Curt frowned. "I'm sorry. I know you really wanted the lead."

"It seemed like a juicy part." Owen hummed, still a bit dazed by the rejection. "I was looking forward to it."

"I know, babe." Curt sighed, getting up and wrapping his partner in a hug. "Maybe this one will be even juicier!"

"Maybe..." Owen nodded. "Thank you, love. For trying to make me feel better."

"Yeah, no problem!" Curt smiled softly.

"Did you get your email?" Owen asked.

"I... haven't checked." Curt admitted.

"Well go on, then! Sit! We'll check together!" Owen urged him. Curt sighed, sitting beside him and opening his email. Owen peered over his shoulder. The email from the Tin Can Bros was the first one that popped up right at the top. "Open it, Curt!"

"Okay..." Curt chuckled nervously, pressing the email to open it. He scrolled down, sighing in relief. "I got in, O."

"Congratulations!" Owen cheered, grinning. he was genuinely happy for Curt, and excited to be in the same show. "What role?"

"Let me scroll down..." Curt chuckled, before his heart stopped. Naturally, his laughter stopped with it, and his face fell.

"Love, what is it?" Owen furrowed his brows, concerned by the sudden mood shift. Immediately, his mind went to the worst-case scenario. "Curt, is there anything in there indicating that we might be compromised?"

"No..." Curt shook his head, staring at the role.

"Then... darling, what's wrong?" Owen blinked, before looking over his shoulder. His face fell to a state of shock almost equal to Curt's when he read the words, bolded on the screen: We would like to offer you the role of 'JB', renamed Agent Curt Mega. "Oh..."

_________________________________________________

Rehearsals for Spies Are Forever were potentially one of the best times Curt had ever had. Everyone loved him! Apparently, his voice was much better than he'd given himself credit for, as was his acting. Even Owen admitted it. It turned out Curt was perfect for the role. The songs fit right for him, the personality was spot on... the spy was even gay! It was as though it was written specifically for him to perform. Curt truly was having the time of his life. And Owen was loving the role of Deadliest Man Alive. It turned out it was a significantly juicier role than Curt's- funny, dark. And he even had a minor side comedic role to take on, Dick Big. So he could flex his chops in different area. There was a bit of a minor complication with the characters, though.

It turned out Curt's was not the only name that they'd liked. The Tin Can Bros had thought Owen's name was absolutely perfect... for Curt's partner turned villain. Romantic partner turned villain, to boot. They liked the ship name Curtwen. Ironically, both Owen and Joey were playing versions of Agent Owen Carvour- Owen playing him when he was in disguise as Deadliest Man Alive, Joey playing him out of disguise. Owen didn't make a fuss- he couldn't in the position he was in. But he didn't like being portrayed that way, or his name being used that way. The truth was, Owen had used to be morally grey. He'd had a phase where he'd almost betrayed his country and Curt. He'd very nearly done some terrible things. He wouldn't way who for, but Owen had implied it might have been Chimera. But he and Curt had worked through that, and he saw the error of his ways. It hurt seeing his name associated with villainy again. But for the sake of the mission, he literally could not complain.

As for the mission, they weren't really getting too far yet- and that wasn’t for lack of effort. As hard as finding a balance between rehearsal and espionage was, they’d managed to find a routine and stick to it. The work they were doing really should have been productive for them. They'd bugged all three writers and the two composers, but HQ (who was monitoring those so that the boys could focus on rehearsing so that they didn’t become too suspicious) was saying that they'd not gotten any suspicious activity from those except for Joey constantly being with an unidentified girl. But it seemed like that was his girlfriend and not another operative. So either this operative was smart and onto them or taking a hiatus from their work. Background checks were pretty clean. They were going purely off their interactions with these writers, which wasn’t really helping. All five of them were lovely. All five of them were also extremely smart. And all five of them had acting experience. Right now, though... Joey, Clark and Pierce weren't their main suspects. Joey was just too genuine to be bad, as were Pierce and Clark. Plus, if we're looking at technicalities (as Owen tended to), Clark and Pierce were composers, not writers. It was between Brian and Corey- unless something changed. Truly, it was anyone's game.

Owen and Curt were on break. It had been a hard day of rehearsal so far. Curt had just had to rehearse his pseudo-love-song with Mary Kate (who was lovely, but he was a bit jealous of- Owen had called her 'gorgeous' on multiple occasions now), and though it wasn't physically or musically demanding it was hard not to just start laughing. Especially with Curt, a gay man who had experienced this before. And Lauren played his meddling mother during the song, which only made it harder not to laugh. His own mother had no idea what he did or who he was seeing, and it was better that way. She just thought he was a single banker. He liked Lauren’s version of his mom better. She was way funnier. It had taken a bit of time just to get a run in where Curt wasn't giggling the entire time. The song was just so well written! He knew it was so unprofessional (and Owen had certainly reminded him of that) but he couldn't help it! And the Bros were laughing with him, so it was all good. He was glad to be on break, because his sides were killing him. He scrolled through his phone, checking for anything from HQ, before he felt a hand on his back.

"You know, Curt, I don't know if I've told you this lately but you're really, really great!" Joey told him.

"Thanks, man." Curt chuckled. "Thanks for the opportunity!"

"Thank you for coming out for our show!" Joey smirked. His voice dropped to a lower volume. “Listen... you and Owen are dating, right?”

"Yeah..." Curt furrowed his brows. He and Owen had chosen to be open about that. They were all pretty supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. The actor playing Susan and The Informant had even confessed to him that they thought they might be nonbinary- maybe even female leaning.

"Okay, so for the whole anniversary thing..." Joey fidgeted a bit nervously. "I mean... I've got an anniversary coming up, and, like, it's not my first, but... I think I’ve used every trick in the dating book at this point, and-"

"Wait, you're dating?" Curt blinked.

"Oh! Right, you're new!" Joey started to laugh. "Um... yeah! It's me and Lo."

"You and Lauren?" Curt smirked. He chuckled. "I knew it!"

"We're not public about the relationship yet, though, so... keep it quiet?" Joey pleaded.

"Oh yeah, you're safe." Curt assured him.

"So... any ideas?" Joey asked. “I really want this to be special for her.”

"Have you guys done the beach yet?" Curt offered. "Like, just a picnic- something you both love to eat- out on the beach."

"Yeah, did that two years ago." Joey sighed.

"Alright... how about a museum?" Curt offered. "It can be any museum that has something the two of you could bond over. But... I mean, Owen is super into experiencing art together."

"That we haven't done... not by ourselves on a date." Joey considered. "It doesn't even really have to be art, does it?"

"Nah, that's the beauty of museums! There are museums out there for everything." Curt smirked. “Maybe you two could go to a movie museum.”

"That’s probably more our speed.” Joey chuckled. “Thanks, man!”

"No problem.” Curt winked playfully. Then, he got an idea. He trusted Joey, so hopefully this worked. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

"I mean, I kinda owe you one." Joey chuckled. “Ask away!”

"Have you noticed anyone... acting a bit weird? Like... different from the way they usually do." Curt whispered.

"I... think I know who you mean." Joey nodded. "With Mary Kate... I think she honestly just misses Sean, you know? The rehearsals are a long time for her to be away from him. Those two are so close."

"Yeah... yeah, that must be hard on her." Curt hummed sympathetically. That... wasn't what he'd been going for.

"But I don't know what's going on with Brian." Joey confided in him. "I mean, it's not like he's been acting weird, per se, but... I mean, he always used to be down to just hang after work. But recently, he's been too busy to do that? I honestly thought it was just me who was picking up on that, but like... you're noticing it too?"

"Yeah. Yeah I am." Curt lied, all the sympathy he could muster in his tone. Bingo. He'd just gotten some really, really good intel there. If there was anyone who would be able to know when one of the writers was acting shady, it was Joey. They were his best friends. And Curt tended to agree with Joey anyways. Corey just didn’t give off villain vibes. Neither did Brian, but out of the two of them, Brian gave off more. “Glad it’s not just me.”

"What's he saying about me?" Brian rolled his eyes playfully, approaching his bag from behind them to grab something. Shit. He must have heard his name.

"Uh..." Joey blushed.

"Oh, he was just telling me about how you two met." Curt lied. Joey gave him a questioning look. But Curt remembered him mentioning it in another one of his longwinded vents. "U of Michigan, Freshmen year. You two got into a lot of trouble."

"He's not telling you any of the bad stuff, is he?" Brian teased.

"Nah, man- I respect the bro code!" Joey scoffed playfully. Curt gave Joey a wink, and Joey gave him a grateful look in return. The wink hadn't gone unnoticed by Brian though.

"Oh god, he is telling you the bad stuff, isn't he?" Brian groaned playfully. "Listen, if Lauren asks, none of it was us."

"Oh don't worry... I'm great with secrets." Curt chuckled. He kinda wanted context now. Knowing those two, it was nothing serious- Joey had a heart of gold. He wouldn't be involved in anything bad. Especially not with his soon-to-be-girlfriend. So probably pranks, or other such shenanigans.

"Guys... I already knew it was you." Lauren rolled her eyes. None of them had noticed her by her own rehearsal bag picking up her water bottle. "It was so obvious... I may have believed you when you blamed Holden like... once? Twice? But you literally signed off half of the time."

"We did?" Joey blinked, looking at Brian.

"Okay, look, some of the time... I was pretty proud of our work." Brian defended himself.

"Dude!" Joey started to snicker. "And here I was keeping secrets from my girlfriend for you!"

"Sorry, Joey." Brian winced.

“Eh, I guess I have to forgive you.” Joey rolled his eyes, chuckling. “You’re my best friend.”

“Hey, what’s that?” Lauren asked, noticing a pink piece of paper sticking out of Curt’s rehearsal bag. Curt blushed profusely. That was the letter Owen had written to pick him up. he took it everywhere with him in case he panicked so that he could read it, remember those days and calm down. It helped. He’d meant to keep it hidden.

“Oh... it’s nothing.” Curt lied.

“It’s not nothing, is it?” Lauren smirked. She gave him a genuine look. “Is it personal?”

“Oh, it’s nothing too bad.” Owen chuckled. Curt blushed further, feeling Owen wrap his arms around his waist. When had he gotten there?”

“What’s going on over here?” Corey asked, joining them. It seemed they had formed a rather large clump.

“I think Lauren might be about to read the first letter I ever wrote to Curtis.” Owen smirked triumphantly, clearly not embarrassed by that prospect.

“Ooooo romantic!” Tessa teased Curt. When had she shown up? God, for a spy, Curt was not very observant. He took a brief look at his surroundings. Ah. Everyone was there. Fantastic.

“Oh hell yeah I am!” Lauren smirked. She plucked the paper out of Curt’s bag.

“Oh god...” Curt groaned.

“You okay with this?” Corey checked with Curt. Curt nodded reluctantly.

“I mean, as long as O is.” Curt sighed, relenting.

With that, Lauren used the rest of their break to overdramatically read out Owen’s letter. Curt was a blushing mess, and Owen was grinning like an idiot. Evidently he was proud of himself- as he should have been. It was a good letter. At least Curt and Owen now had an idea of who to look into: Brian Rosenthal. It was a bit odd to think that Brosenthal might be a Chimera operative. He was a funny, quirky... he didn’t seem ruthless enough. Maybe they were wrong. But this was literally all the intel they could get at the moment. Mind you, they needed concrete evidence before they could actually do anything, but... at least they had a lead. Even if it was a weird one. The thing about espionage was that leads were usually weird. So they... well, they managed to bug all of the writers’ houses a bit more to give HQ more to work with, but especially Brian’s. That way the minute they had solid evidence, they could act. Well... not the minute. More like within about twenty minutes. But same difference. There was nothing else they could do.

________________________________________________

Nothing happened through the rest of the rehearsal process. Literally nothing. No one did anything suspicious. Honestly, Curt and Owen were starting to think that their superiors were wrong. They were performing their shows- with excellent reception, might they add. People were loving Curt. The real Curt Mega was getting huge acclaim on Curt’s behalf. And the fans... well they were going mad. It was looking like the show would be a huge success- which meant two things. One, Curt was going to have to do more theatre. Cleary he was good at it. Two, his life as a spy was about to get more... complicated. IT turned out these guys had a bit of a cult following because they had been involved with a theatre group called Team Starkid? Curt knew about them from his mission briefing, but honestly he’d never thought that they were that big of a deal. When he’d confessed that to Owen he’d gotten a long lecture. Apparently Owen was also a fan, and that was half of why he was so excited to be doing this show. But that was a topic for another time.

It was about the third show in when they finally got the evidence they had been looking for. It... was not when they’d planned to find anything. Actually, it was at the least convenient time. Between acts. It was also in the least expected way. Curt had to get his props for the top of Act Two. Owen decided to go with him, mostly to make sure he wasn’t a total and utter child. Honestly, they just meant to get their props before places. They were the only ones in that area backstage- the stagehands were resetting the stage and helping with costume changes/ tech issues. Well, they thought they were the only ones backstage. They should have been. But it turns out that someone else had anticipated the lack of people, and was using that to his advantage. At first, all Curt and Owen could hear were murmurs- not distinguishable in the slightest. Bey both gave each other a look before pulling out their real guns (which they hid on their costumes just in case) and following the sound. And that was when they saw him. The culprit behind all of this: Bri- Corey Lubowich? They lowered their guns a bit, staying dead quiet. That wasn’t what they’d been expecting. {erhaps this was a false alarm.

“I am in the middle of a- no, I get that my work with you is important! Believe me, I know!” Corey hissed. “I just... tonight is one of my shows! I’m going on as the Prince! I- well can it wait half an hour? I mean I’d prefer two hours, but if I have to whip out my laptop backstage, I- well I’m kinda insisting on- come on, you guys know my theatre is important to me!”

“Okay... so we were wrong...” Owen whispered.

“We don’t know that...” Curt reasoned. “It could be his family.”

“Of course I’m loyal! When have I not done what you said? I have sacrificed so much for you!” Corey fumed quietly. “Chimera is my life now! Not theatre, not my family or friends. Chimera! Do you know how fucking weird that is for someone my age?! I’m too young for all this corporate shit! No! No, of course that’s not what I’m saying just- can I have my night? Come on, this is really important.”

“Okay, I take that back.” Curt blinked, stunned. He was just a bit too loud. Corey’s head snapped in their direction, and both men raised their guns. Corey’s eyes fumbled, and he pulled out a gun of his own, haphazardly aiming it at them.

“Okay... shit, guys, I’m going to have to call you back... we’ve got a situation.” Corey muttered. His face fell and he rolled his eyes, unimpressed. “No, not a theatre situation. An us situation. I’ll fill you in- look, they have guns. Just- I really don’t have the time for this anymore- NOT MY JOB WITH YOU! This conversation! Jesus, I’ve got two guns pointed at me! Let me go! Okay, fine! Bye!”

“You...” Curt spat, glaring at Corey.

“You guys finally figured it out...” Corey sighed, raising his gun fully at them.

“You know who we are?” Curt blinked.

“How?” Owen asked him coldly.

“Chimera has eyes and ears everywhere.” Corey rolled his eyes. “Just like in the show. I knew you were coming, and I knew you were looking for me. I just didn’t think you’d actually find me.”

“Are you insulting our intelligence?” Owen scoffed.

“No. I just thought I set up Brian pretty well.” Corey admitted. “It was pretty easy, too... all I had to do was point out to Joey that Brian wasn’t coming to as many of our hangouts as he used to. You trusted Joey. Joey relayed that to you. Threw you completely off my scent.”

“Yeah, aren’t you just the friend of the year.” Curt rolled his eyes. “You threw your bro under the bus.”

“You’re lucky we didn’t get a false tip-off and eliminate him.” Owen hummed in agreement. “You’ve no clue the kinds of things that could set our superiors off.”

“Well... It’s Brian. The chances of him doing anything sketchy are slim to none.” Corey reasoned.

“Corey, I’m going to need you to put that gun down and put your hands behind your head.” Curt sighed.

“Alright, guys, places!” Joey called out to them. Everyone was backstage- except, oddly, Lauren (who was usually pretty punctual on cues). Shit. Their timing was awful. “You can play with the... are those our prop guns?”

“No... those are too modern.” Brian furrowed his brows, approaching them to get a closer look. He blinked before stumbling back. “Holy shit, guys... are those real guns?”

“Yes, they are... and you’re going to need to stay back.” Curt told them levelly. “Lubowich, gun down, hands behind your head.”

“We outgun and outman you.” Owen reminded him. The fact that Corey was so reluctant was astounding. “And we have a license to kill if you don’t cooperate.”

“Okay, guys, what the fuck?!” Joey exclaimed.

“Can we just... put the guns down and talk this out?” Tessa pleaded.

“No... we can’t.” Curt shook his head. “My name is Agent Curt Mega, American Secret Service. My partner is Owen Carvour, MI6.”

“Our credentials...” Owen muttered, pulling them out with one hand and holding them out to Brian, who was closest. He hesitantly took them. Corey shot Owen while he wasn’t in peak position to shoot him. Curt shot Corey back with no hesitation. Neither shot was fatal, Corey’s hitting Owen in the arm and Curt’s hitting Corey in the shoulder. The impact was enough to make both men stumble back. Owen stayed on his feet, but Corey fell. Curt kept his gun trained on Corey.

“Holy shit, they’re not lying...” Brian mumbled.

“Okay, Corey... what the actual fuck, man?!” Joey fumed, definitely feeling a bit betrayed.

“Corey... why are you fighting the secret service?” Mary Kate asked coolly, trying to be the level-headed one.

“He works for Chimera.” Curt told them, knowing they might not get a clear response from Corey for a bit.

“The assholes who wouldn’t fund us?” Brian groaned. Corey grunted in admittance. “Come on, man! This just keeps getting worse and worse!”

“Okay, guys, I’m here. Sorry I took so-” Lauren started, rushing out. She saw the scene playing out and blinked. “Holy fuck! What’s going on?!”

“They’re actual fucking spies, Lo.” Joey hissed. “All three of them.”

“Pretty sure Curt and Owen are the good guys.” Brian added in a whisper.

“Oh yeah, Curt and Owen are definitely the good guys.” Tessa gulped.

“Corey is an agent for Chimera.” Curt explained.

“Please tell me this is an elaborate prank.” Lauren chuckled nervously.

“No, Lo... this time it’s real.” Joey sighed.

“Okay, but... Chimera’s just a huge global corporation, right?” Mary Kate reasoned.

“Not really.” Corey croaked out.

“They’re plotting world domination.” Owen grunted.

“Corey...” Joey breathed.

“World domination makes it sound bad.” Corey grimaced. “We more just want control over every world government... and then maybe to take all of them out and form one Chimera government.”

“That doesn’t make it sound any better.” Tessa winced.

“Why?” Brian asked Corey, hurt. “Why are you doing this?”

“Honestly, I just needed a bit of extra money in college.” Corey muttered, trying and failing to find his footing. Clearly he wasn’t a field agent too often.

“So you turned to espionage?!” Lauren scoffed incredulously.

“Honestly I started as a delivery boy and then I found out some shit I should never have known...” Corey sighed. “It escalated really quickly.”

“God, this is a mess.” Joey groaned.

“Curt, love, can you give our superiors a ring?” Owen prompted him. “I’ll deal with our former friend here.”

“On it.” Curt nodded, pulling out his phone.

“So... do we stop the show?” Brian asked Owen as he pulled out a zip-tie- another essential item Owen always kept on him, even in costumes.

“Oh no... the A.S.S. is the epitome of discretion. Believe me, you’ll have no clue what’s going on. Just see if you can find a friend in the audience to go on for The Prince.” Owen told them, tying up Corey and forcing him onto his feet. “Owen will take him outside and... he should honestly be ready to go on after We Love The Prince.”

“Holy shit... okay...” Lauren sighed.

“I’ll make an announcement that we’re having technical difficulties...” Joey planned. “Let’s, um... just take a moment to breathe and get back into the right headspace.”

“We’ll be back in a moment.” Curt told them as he and Owen took Corey outside.

“Rot in hell, you asshole!” Brian called after him, sniffing. Was he... crying? You know what, it was completely fair. That was one hell of a betrayal.

So Curt and Owen passed Corey onto their superiors, and Spies Are Forever was able to go on. They got Nick Lang to play The Prince, which only made the fans more excited. Curt and Owen were allowed the opportunity to finish their run with the show- which Curt was so, so grateful for. He loved theatre. he never thought he would, but he loved it. And Owen loved that he loved it. Spies are Forever was the first of many shows for Curt. He got into the habit, like Owen, of doing shows between missions. In fact, he actually got to make Owen a little jealous later on- he got into a Starkid show. Mind you, they knew who he was. Fully this time. They even supported him- helped him build a public backstory. The real Curt Mega’s wife even played wife to him publicly when she needed to. It was a new start in Curt’s life and one that he hadn’t even known he needed. Finally, everything seemed like it was okay.

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tiny-ghost-boi · 4 years

Text

Kinktober Day Three; Mutual Masterbation/ Toys, Bakugou

Warnings: Smut, lots of cursing, dirty talk, minor injury before everything

Reader’s Body Type: up to your imagination, no implied gender or sex (yes it’s possible to write smut without specifying sex, you can learn a lot from Yagami Yato)

Reader’s Quirk: can turn light particles into solid matter

NSFW Under the Cut

=============================================================

It’s common knowledge that you and Bakugou are dating. So everyone thought that if Bakugou was in a relationship, you’d be the only person he was sweet to, implying that he’d likely let you win when you sparred. This was half true.

Bakugou was really sweet to you in private, but he did not hold back when you trained. He wanted you both to reach your full potential and it wouldn’t happen if he held back.

You dodged every attack Bakugou sent your way, using your quirk to create small shields and walls to protect yourself from his explosions. The ground shook beneath you and the wall behind you shattered. You ducked and ran, keeping close to the ground as he tracked your movements.

You turned suddenly, ducking behind him and running up to grab him, hoping to trap him under a platform made by your quirk. He turned in an instant, his red eyes locking onto you. He quickly hit you hard in the face, setting off an explosion at the same time and blasting you hard to the ground.

When the smoke cleared, his eyes widened. You had quick reactions, so you should have been able to put up a shield to protect yourself, and even if you hadn’t you could get up from all his attacks.

But you lay still on the ground, unmoving. His eyes widened and he crouched down, grabbing you and picking you up. His heart sped up and his fingers tightened around your shoulders.

“Babe?” you didn’t answer. “BABE?!” you turned towards him, slowly opening your eyes and looking up at him, fear swirling in your e/c orbs. Then, a malicious grin grew on your face and his eyebrows cocked up in confusion.

You quickly made a long pole behind your back quickly swinging it around and slamming it against his back. His back gave in his surprise and he fell down on top on you. You grabbed his wrist and lifted him up over him and kicking him over you, he landed hard on his back, his legs out of bounds. You choked out a cocky laugh, ignoring the pain in your body.

“I win.”

“You cheated.” he grumbled back, reaching up and tangling his fingers in yours. You squeezed his hand, forcing yourself to sit up as he stood, helping you to your feet.

The two of you were laughing as you leaned against him, pressing a soft kiss against his skin.

“There were no rules about pretending to be hurt. Besides, you really did hurt me, meanie~” you stuck your tongue out, teasing him. He just laughed, putting you in a gentle headlock and practically dragging you to the sidelines.

“Whaddaya expect?” he chuckled. “That’s how sparring is going to end everytime with me. We’re both gonna end up with a couple bruises.” He let go of you and you leaned against the wall, rolling your eyes.

“A couple? Serisouly? You bitch slapped me with the extra force of a fucking explosion. That causes more than ‘a couple bruises.’ That could’ve killed me.” you meant it in a teasing way, but the way Katsuki tensed up in guilt made you feel bad.

“I- It couldn’t’ve killed you, r-right?” he glanced at you with nervous eyes. “Right?”

“Well it didn’t, so it’s okay. I’m sorry.”

“Why the hell are you apologizing? You’re right? I could’ve killed you!” he shouted, your chest constricted, Bakugou never wanted to hurt you, ever, he actively went out of his way to protect you, even if it was annoying at times.

“Katsuki, calm down. It’s okay.” you walked towards him, resting your hand on his shoulder. He tried to shrug it off but you only tightened your grip. “I was only teasing, I would’ve been fine no matter what! It’s going to be alright.” His shoulders untensed uner your fingers, and he pulled you into a hug.

“Yeah, I know, dumbass. I was teasing too.” you chuckled.

“We’re finished with training, so technically we can head back to the dorms now. Whaddaya think, scary movies I hate? Comedy movies you hate? Reenacting your fav romantic manga? Maybe something more... spicy?” you suggested, your tone starting out sweet and innocent and ending anything but. You felt heat radiating off his body as his fingers gripped you a little tighter.

“All of those sound good, but I’m particularly attracted to that last option.” his voice was a low growl in your ear, and you felt heat pool in your crotch. “Let’s have the old lady fix us ‘fore we head back, kay?”

“It’s a date~” you purred, giving him a kiss on the cheek before walking over to Recovery Girl.

You were on each other the second you entered Katsuki’s dorm, he was on top of you on the bed, making out with you as if his life depended on it. His hands trailed up your body, hastily removing your clothes.

“Ow!” you exclaimed when he brushed against a large bruise on your stomach. Both of you frowned as he sat up, still very horny.

“How the fuck am I supposed to fuck you senseless if you’re hurt.”

“You’re hurt too.” you scoffed, sitting up and kissing him. “I can fuck myself senseless anyways.”

“What so you’re kicking me out?” he pouted, disapointed. “When I’m so turned on?”

“No no, I want to try something new. Let’s touch ourselves and watch each other. Like double-youeryism or something. What do you think?” you winked at him and stuck out your tongue. his face reddened, but he smirked.

“That actually doesn’t sound half-bad, Teddy Bear~ you’re going to wish my dick was deep inside you instead of just your fingers~” you leaned forward, tugging his lip between your teeth.

“Who said I was using my fingers?” you purred. He growled against your lips, placing his hand on your hip.

“Just so long as you know my dick’s better than anything you’ll ever touch.”

You reach over to your dresser and dig through the drawers and pull out a small box. You opened it to reveal several sex toys. You pulled out a couple. One was a long purple remote-controlled dildo and the other was a string of small cylinder-shaped vibrators in a circle. Also remote-controlled. You handed him the circle of vibes and the remote to the dildo, while you kept the dildo and the remote to his toy.

“I’ll control your toy and you’ll control mine, got it? That way we can help each other cum.” he nodded, putting on his toy as you prepped yourself for yours. His eyes were trained on you as you pressed your finger-pads against that special spot inside you.

“Ah~ I bet you wish you were fingering me instead, huh? Wish you could feel how exited I am?” Katsuki bit his lip and nodded.

“I bet you wish you could be sucking my cock, wish you were choking on it, huh?” His hand teased the tip of his cock as you touched yourself. You grabbed the remote to Bakugou’s toy and turned it on to it’s lowest setting. He bit back a moan.

“Fuck, not fair, baby~ I can’t tease you like that~” he reached forward to touch you but you smacked his hand away.

“Hands on the merchandise~” you teased, licking your lips and eyeing him. “Trust me I wish I could touch your beautiful body but I’m obeying the rules of our cute little masterbation cult~” he chuckled, disapointed.

“Damn, too bad~” you pressed the tip of the dildo against your sex, eyes teasingly asking him to turn it on. He shook his head.

“If you want it, you’re not getting it. It’s your punishment for not letting me touch you.”

“Damn, I guess I’ll just have to do it the old fashioned way.” you chuckled, sliding down on top of it with a pleasured sigh. You let out a gasp when it suddenly started vibrating inside you.

“Ah~ I thought you weren’t going to- fuck~ turn it on~” you panted slightly, cheeks red. Bakugou just smirked at you, jerking himself off to the sight of you riding the dildo. You turned up the power of his toy and he threw his head back with a moan.

“Fuck~ Teddy Bear, damn I wish I was fucking you right now~” you thrusted the toy faster inside you, moaning.

“I- I wish that too~” you lay on your back, fucking the toy up into yourself as Katsuki turns up the power, you can feel yourself tighten around the toy as you moan out.

“Ah~ Katsuki I think- I think I’m gonna- fuuuuuck~” you came hard, Katsuki moaned out.

“Fuck that was so hot, cumming from that toy instead of my cock, such a bad little Teddy Bear, so naughty, (fuck) I can’t wait to cum all over that gorgeous body of yours~” he dirty talked “You liked it, didn’t you? cumming from something other than my cock?”

“Y- yes~” you murmured, looking up at him and turning the power up all the way, Katsuki let out a choked out moan twitching and cumming hard over his hand.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fucking fuck fuck fuck!” he moaned. “Teddy Bear~” you tossed your head back onto the pillows looking up at the ceiling. Your view was soon blocked by the smirking blonde.

“That was fun, more fun than I thought it would be, we should totally do that again~” you nodded, pulling him closer and kissing him deeply.

“I love you, Katsu~”

“I love you too... dumbass~”

#bakugou smut #kinktober 2020 #kinktober day three #bakugou x reader #bnha bakugo x reader #gn reader

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kolachess · 3 years

Text

DMBJ 2010 Nangongling Interview Translated

I’ve finally (poorly) translated the infamous Nangongling interview with Nanpai Sanshu (aka Xu Lei, author of DMBJ)!

This is where that famous quote, ‘My lifetime, in exchange for you a decade of innocence and purity’ comes from. More on that here.

Interview Context: First off, in case you don’t already know, NPSS started DMBJ off as a fanfiction. And more on that here. Hence, his style of engagement with fans will be much more direct and why he’s very... knowing of the fandom world. And why the interview does not hesitate to ask about pingxie.

This interview seems to have been conducted somewhere on the internet in 2010 or nearing it. Although I couldn’t find more confirmation on its ‘authenticity’ so to speak, I also haven’t seen anything to the contrary that this might be made up. (Chinese internet is a strange, strange place...)

Here’s the version I’m basing this off of.

Translation Context:

Ok first, I’m a native Chinese speaker, but grew up in the US and not fluent in reading / writing. I am not at all familiar with a lot of idioms, let alone internet slang and pop culture references (of which there are a lot in this interiew), so there will be a lot of guessing. Anyone who knows better, free free to point it out.

Text Legend:

Parenthesis indicate actions / reactions. E.g. (smiles awkwardly)

[TN: ...] are my notes

[??? some words ???] indicate major uncertainty in translations

== or =w= and such symbols are emojis from the interviewer

Original text sometimes had random forward slashes in between what seems should be one word / term. My guess is it might be to skirt censorship?

Names Context:

They use a lot of different ways to refer to the various characters and NPSS

The interviewer calls NPSS ‘Your Majesty’ or ‘Sanshu’ a lot. But Sanshu can also refer to Wu Sanxing... so it gets confusing a bit.

Zhang Qiling can be anything from Menyouping to Pingzi to Lao Meng to Meng... just... anytime there’s ‘Meng’ or ‘Ping’ or ‘Zhang’ it’s safe to assume they’re referring to ZQL.

Wu Xie is often just Wu Xie or Tianzhen

Nangongling is the name of the interviewer

Interviewer:

Interviewer: Your Majesty, come interview. After this, we’ve got to sleep.

NPSS: OK. Let’s go. Be gentle.

Interviewer: Oh Your Majesty, you’re so shy.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu, is DMBJ ultimately a tragic or happy ending?

NPSS: For some, a tragedy. For some, a regular drama. For some, a comedy. For some, an absurdity.

Interviewer: That’s no different from not answering! ==

NPSS: But that’s the correct answer.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: What’s the relationship between Tianzhen and ‘It’? Your Majesty, care to give a spoiler? ==

NPSS: No relationship. [TN: ‘No relationship’ and ‘No problem’ are the same phrase, hence the subsequent answer.]

Interviewer: Then go ahead and tell us. =w=

NPSS: No relationship.

Interviewer: … No relationship?

NPSS: Yup. No relationship.

Interviewer: … ==

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu about the plan for DMBJ, when might you finish it?

NPSS: 2010.

NPSS: The problem is…

Interviewer: What?

NPSS: There is an unexpected situation.

Interviewer: Don’t give us cliffhanger sentences. Just tell us. ==

NPSS: Maybe [??? Something about being possessed ???]. I might work on it till 2050.

Interviewer: Hey!

NPSS: It’s great.

Interviewer: Might as well make it a Gundam series. [TN: Gundam is referring to the Japanese anime series. I guess they’re making a joke about how he should turn it into a never ending universe / entire franchise.]

NPSS: Conan never grows up. Wu Xie will never get old either. [TN: Conan is referring to Detective Conan, another Japanese anime series.]

NPSS: Even when you all become old, Wu Xie in the book will still be pursuing the answer to all the mysteries.

Interviewer: And if it’s with Lao Meng forever mutually loving and caring, then we have no objections.

NPSS: Fifty years, Golden Wedding [TN: Think he’s referring to Golden Wedding as the 50th anniversary].

Interviewer: Yes, yes. Don’t know if there will be a son. (Tea) (Silence) [TN: I guess the actions indicate ‘sipping tea awkwardly in silence’]

Interviewer: Alright, His Majesty has become shy. Let’s continue onto the next question.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask what the Menyouping’s ending will be? Will he find his memories? Continue to live on? Your Majesty can’t because of Classmate 370 [TN: Rumors are this is NPSS’s classmate? Potential prototype for ZQL? See ref.] once scorned your [??? finger ???], you end up holding a grudge?

NPSS: Whether or not you can ‘fujoshi’ for 50 years is uncertain. [TN: Word is ‘fu’, which literal = ‘rotten’; but refers to fujoshi. AKA he’s questioning how long they’ll ship pingxie for.]

Interviewer: No worries. In the future, there will appear a lot of Li Yinhe grannies. [TN: Seems to refer to this LGBTQ activist.]

NPSS: Hands / feet have not fallen off, OK? [TN: I’m not sure what this is referring to lol. Maybe some play on the rotten nature of fujoshi.]

Interviewer: Hands / feet… the whole body?

NPSS: The meaning of ‘entirely not fallen off’ is ‘entirely not fallen off’. [TN: Idk I’m lost...]

Interviewer: … ==

Interviewer: Your Majesty, your resentment for 370 is too deep…

NPSS: Menyouping’s ending will definitely surprise you all. It’s definitely not something that can be conceptually considered at all.

Interviewer: Could it be that he really will be mutually loving and caring with Tianzhen? == It’s not in concept…

NPSS: Hn. That’s a nice thought. [TN: Tone reads a little like ‘ha, as if’.]

NPSS: Like, turn him into a woman or something. Or is it Wu Xie who turns into a woman?

NPSS: “Actually, I’m a flat-chested Mary Sue.” [TN: Lol, yes. They refer to Mary Sue omg.]

Interviewer: … hey now… == Speaking of Mary Sues, after Yun Cai is it Xiu Xiu? Your Majesty, you wouldn’t gift Yun Cai to Lao Meng, and Xiu Xiu to Wu Xie, right? ==

NPSS: Maybe I’ll write Lily stories. [TN: I think Lily stories refers to femslash / stories between two females.]

NPSS: Don’t underestimate my pervertedness.

Interviewer: I’ve never underestimated it… (serious)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask what Sanshu’s current weight is? Are you losing weight? Hahahah (Hands akimbo)

NPSS: Now it’s probably a little less than 200 jin. [TN: ~220 pounds.] I’m always in the middle of losing weight, but fat really likes me.

Interviewer: Your Majesty, you should continue to make effort to cosplay Pangzi.

NPSS: I think I will exceed Pangzi’s category soon, cosplay a huge monster instead.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: When will the DMBJ movie be released? Who will play Pingzi? To be honest, I don't want to watch. ==

NPSS: Probably around 2015. I don’t know. Hope it’s not [??? black people ???]. [TN: Yeah that’s what it says, but idk if it’s a reference to type of personalities or it actually is referring to skin color. Wouldn’t surprise me if it were a racist remark. China, sigh.]

Interviewer: Could it be there really will be a movie?

NPSS: Probably.

Interviewer: In America?

NPSS: I can’t say I understand / know Hollywood’s situation.

Interviewer: So it’s America… (Tears running) Too tragic!

NPSS: Hei Xiaoge [TN: Lol I think he’s saying a black young lad] is also not bad.

Interviewer: No! No! No!

NPSS: A-ning has already been designated the female lead by a foreign scriptwriter.

Interviewer: Oooh ~~~ We don’t want to see ghosts ~~~ [TN: Idk what this expression is…]

NPSS: Little D might be able to accept. [TN: Idk who Little D is… might just be a slang way of writing ‘little brother’, in which case, I still don’t know if that’s referring to himself or someone else.]

Interviewer: I guess he will squeak along with me. [TN: Again… I’m lost.] Nope cannot anymore. Next question.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Will there be romance?

NPSS: [??? Eloquent love ???] will have porn scenes.

Interviewer: … who and who?

NPSS: Not sure yet. One party should not be human.

Interviewer: Heavy tastes, Your Majesty.

NPSS: Tentacles.

Interviewer: …… Your Majesty, are you playing some XXOO games recently? [TN: I’m just gonna assume some hentai shit here.]

NPSS: Nope. Haven’t played in a long time. Got any good suggestions?

Interviewer: [??? The imperial doctor has ghost glasses ???] [TN: Guess it’s the title?] Try it (rubs hands).

NPSS: I’m currently still holding out strong.

Interviewer: Gee… what a pity.

NPSS: You can train your boyfriend.

Interviewer: He’s already very calm.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Pingzi is so good to Wu Xie, any particular reason? I mean deep underlying reason? For example, knowing the truth about Wu Xie’s life / existence or something. Or being entrusted by Wu Xie’s family or something. Or he thinks he’s brought Wu Xie harm and wants to redeem himself or something.

NPSS: Just doesn’t want to disturb.

Interviewer: Huh? What?

NPSS: Don’t want to disturb.

Interviewer: Disturb what?

NPSS: Tianzhen Wu Xie [TN: Remember, this means ‘innocent, naive, and pure’]. The prompt is very deep now. [TN: Sounds like he’s saying he’s given a deep hint now.]

Interviewer: Oh (Actually someone who doesn’t really understand). [TN: GLAD I’M NOT ALONE! IT’S NOT A TRANSLATION ISSUE!]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Are there new Lunar New Year Celebratory Extras this year? [TN: NPSS writes occasional extras, and often will publish on special occasions like Lunar New Year.]

NPSS: 2010’s publishing work was too heavy. Can’t celebrate. I even wrote the outline already.

Interviewer: That’s such a pity. What about Tibetan Sea Flower. I’m still waiting for the lama that has JQ with Lao Meng. [TN: They use the term JQ here… seems like slang for something like bromance.]

NPSS: Ah little living Buddha… probably can’t write. [TN: Yeah idk what that really means…] Due to religious issues, living Buddha’s chrysanthemum is very sensitive. Huge crawling creatures will come and bombard. [TN: IDK BUT CHRYSANTHEMUMS ARE OFTEN EUPHEMISMS FOR THE ANUS AND GAY BUTT SEX SO IDK.]

Interviewer: Hey… ==

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Qinling Sacred Tree arc was too mysterious. Will Sanshu later be connected to the Sacred Tree? If so, how will you do it? I think DMBJ is not as thrilling / exciting as before. Can you still return to that previous style?

NPSS: There are no plans at present to connect Qinling. I need to settle Meng first. The core of what’s being written is his business. The excitement of DMBJ is not found in the novel but in the heart of the reader. The reader will upgrade / improve while reading.

Interviewer: Is that so… (Eats late night food) [TN: Idk what this expression means.]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Will you still publish new books and dig new plot holes? == Besides this official vest of Nanpai Sanshu, do you have anything else? Like diving party? == [TN: Yeah idk what that means…]

NPSS: Doesn’t returning to the original style of writing offer you some thrilling / excitement? Your heart has already upgraded, it’s just that the novel is still like that.

Interviewer: Heart! ==||| [TN: Yes, this is another face lol]

NPSS: There’s still some more. Like Nangongling. [TN: Name of the interviewer, but I have no idea what this means.]

Interviewer: The watch drags me underwater. [TN: I got nothing *shrugs*.]

NPSS: Actually are we answering our own questions?

Interviewer: Haha, fun right?

NPSS: Indeed. Could it be a split personality? Never thought my hidden personality is a Fujoshi. Tragedy.

Interviewer: Hey I didn’t say my hidden personality was a perverted uncle yet. (Two bored idiots stare in silence for a few seconds)

Interviewer: Enough. Next.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Pingzi’s age… is it ‘uncle’ or ‘grandpa’? Anyway, I know it’s not ‘brother’. [TN: They’re referring to which generation basically.]

NPSS: Taizu Grandfather [TN: Basically hella old… great-great-great-great-great-grandfather?]

Interviewer: Wow… paleontology relic?

NPSS: Age must be in the triple digits.

Interviewer: Old monster! I like it! Just afraid that next to Tianzhen, he seems younger (talking to self)

NPSS: Tianzhen is even older. Quadruple digits.

Interviewer: Really is younger? ==

NPSS: They all end up in the museum display.

Interviewer: Does it cost anything to visit? Museums are now free / open to visit.

NPSS: After hour events charge fees. There are special programs, but the TV station will not allow them to be broadcasted.

Interviewer: Strip tease / dancing?

NPSS: No. It’s the old monster [TN: Probably referring to ZQL] performing Xiangsheng [TN: Some Chinese duo comedy schtick]. Xie Ling [TN: I think this is Wu Xie + Zhang Qiling?] social / not-famous Xiangsheng actors.

Interviewer: Looks like it will be Two-Person Turn Opera [TN: Idk if there is an English term for this… but another type of skit it seems.]

NPSS: Wear the dancing shoes. [TN: I think it’s just this?]

Interviewer: … It’s so cold… Your Majesty…

NPSS: Zhang Wenling, Wu Wenxie [TN: Lol I guess this would be their comedy stage names. It’s extra / intentionally stupid because all he did was insert ‘wen’ which means ‘literature’.]

Interviewer: Enough… Don’t worry about this anymore. I’m gonna move onto the next question.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Is Wu Xie the most tragic character in the entire novel? Is it inevitable that, between him and Pingzi, one of them will have to die in the end?

NPSS: Wu Xie’s fate as the most tragic is a set tragedy, but Lao Zhang doesn’t have it easy either.

Interviewer: And then?

NPSS: Delayed the inevitable tragedy.

Interviewer: And then they encountered tragedy together?

NPSS: Using [his] own lifetime to exchange you another decade of innocence and purity.

Interviewer: … (wailing) (too stunned) Lao Meng [??? became the Virgin Mary???] (smashes wall)

NPSS: I also want to get a cult.

Interviewer: Does Lao Meng really not have a crush on Tianzhen? It can’t continue like this. DMBJ is still a serious / proper drama after all.

NPSS: Nah. It’s serious / proper.

Interviewer: But what you said is crooked.

NPSS: Alright. Then let’s put it this way.

Interviewer: How?

NPSS: Comrade Zhang Qiling sacrificed his own time to save and prevent the disillusionment of a youth who was about to go astray. [TN: Yeah… not too sure about the implications of this.]

Interviewer: …. Your Majesty, you [??? use soulmates ???] [TN: I’m really not sure about this… context and definitions I found seems to indicate it’s a soulmate like thing, but also used kind of queerbaity?]

NPSS: I’ve been working real closely with soulmate recently.

Interviewer: We can tell. Next question. Best leave some room for free thought.

NPSS: It’d be fine if you just don’t post it.

Interviewer: This is iron proof of JQ! [TN: Again, some internet slang for bromance / malexmale CPs or something.]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Are all the incomprehensible things that happened so far man-made? Or will it be explained by the supernatural?

NPSS: There’s nothing incomprehensible.

Interviewer: Probably in reference to Qinling.

NPSS: Oh. Doesn’t that count as a spoiler?

Interviewer: … then let’s skip again. Actually, I thought you already forgot about Qinling.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: What is Pangzi’s little secret?

NPSS: Xiao Pang’s [TN: Little Fat’s] tragic past.

Interviewer: What… Pangzi is also quite tragic.

NPSS: Probably a ‘fought with his best friend over a woman and was hurt very badly’ kind of relationship. Pangzi had a very simple but tragic love.

Interviewer: Sad…. == You really can’t tell…

NPSS: A woman he promised to take care of for a lifetime and a brother he can’t help but save.

Interviewer: Pangzi has sublimed (victory fist] [TN: I assume ‘sublime’, which literally means converting from solid directly to gas, is just representative of a massive promotion or rise into awesomeness.]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: I’m always thinking of Ershu’s mysterious air. Does he know a lot of things that others don’t? I also want to know what Wu Xie’s dad does.

NPSS: [??? Location scouting ???]

Interviewer: Ershu?

NPSS: He knows some.

Interviewer: Then what about his dad.

NPSS: Location scouting. Totally innocent. Just like Jesus’s old man.

Interviewer: What kind analogy is that… == Next.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Hey Sanshu, on Dec 9, 2009 at 02:58 in the morning I dreamt of you. Did you dream of me? …. == Your Majesty, your fans [TN: Yeah idk.]

NPSS: That night I seem to have pulled an all-nighter. I wouldn’t mind dreaming again tonight.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Will Pingzi eventually return to being a normal human? Live on from the age of 18? Has he had a lover / children before? Yun Cai? Is Pangzi the boss or the person coming to supervise the boss (Tianzhen)?

Interviewer: Lao Meng… I’ve long since been speechless towards him. By the way, was he always this kind of stone in the latrine? [TN: I guess a saying about how he’s stuffy and expressionless per usual.]

NPSS: No. It used to be really bad.

Interviewer: …How bad…

NPSS: Like a Tibetan horse. [TN: Lol this is the literal translation but when I Googled it, Kurama from Yu Yu Hakusho came up and hahaha I guess it kind of makes sense as an analogy?]

Interviewer: Your Majesty, your definition of really bad is Kurama’s level huh…= =|| So he wasn’t born latrine stone… [TN: Ok, so background on Kurama - an infamous fox demon thief escaped into the body of a newborn child because his spirit was weakened after being hunted, and so he cohabits the body with this boy… I’m not entirely sure of the reference jousting here.]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: What happens to Pangzi in the end?

NPSS: Dies of old age.

Interviewer: How mundane!

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: We want to know when DMBJ 7 will be finished?

NPSS: 3/15-20 complete.

Interviewer: (Recommends to everyone not to believe… ==)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Sanshu, will someone die at the end of DMBJ? (Alright I only care about MengMeng and Tianzhen and believe Pangzi will definitely not be killed off). Also, just how many volumes will there be?

Interviewer: How many die, I also want to know. [TN: Lol they also use the counter word not for humans, but… something else?].

NPSS: There will be someone half-dead. Because it’s a grave-robbing novel, dying completely will never happen. A-ning died and still comes around often, right? [TN: Lol I’m not entirely sure what this is in reference to… first part he’s making a joke that people can become zombies, but second part… I don’t really recall A-ning coming back? Unless he means in mentions? Then again I’m still making my way through the novels.] Just that you go from hero to villain. I still haven’t decided how many to kill off. Anyways for the last volume, with the exception of Wu Xie, [??? anyone can be killed ???].

Interviewer: …Just kill everyone why don’t you; it’s easier. (self-destruct) ==

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: May we ask Sanshu, will Pingzi have emotional drama in the future?

NPSS: No. No time / effort for that, and communication skills are limited.

Interviewer: Ahaha….

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Normally, will Sanshu come check out our Tieba? [TN: Kind of like Chinese reddit I believe?] Do you know the Warm Fox? [TN: I did a quick search, seems like a big fandom name that interprets a lot of the DMBJ stuff.]

NPSS: Don’t know.

Interviewer: As expected…

NPSS: It’s your husband?

Interviewer: Hey don’t involve me in everything. (Flips table)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Just out of personal interest… I really want to know if Xie Lianhuan likes Wenjin?

NPSS: Uh, yes. Very much so.

Interviewer: Then what about Wu Sanxing?

NPSS: Also likes her.

Interviewer: So it turns out to be a crime of passion… (awakened)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Is Yun Cai just an inconsequential character? Those Huo family Forbidden Ladies won’t have some sort of emotional development with Pingxie, right? [TN: It does say Huo family Forbidden Ladies… I guess they might be referring to Huo Xiu Xiu, but not sure why there’s multiple. Also, recall that the Forbidden Lady is that tomb creature.]

NPSS: Huo family really did become Forbidden Lady professional household [TN: Maybe like a ‘firm’?]. Yun Cai’s ending is also quite tragic.

Interviewer: Indeed. If transmigrating, don’t transmigrate into DMBJ. [TN: Transmigrate is the common c-drama trope where someone in modern times / average suddenly wakes up in the body of some one in the past or something.] Female beings all have no good outcome.

NPSS: If you’ve already died once, then there’s no need to be afraid.

Interviewer: Oh yeah, will that pink-shirt show face again? (Xlaugh) [TN: Idk this expression, but I think pink-shirt is referring to Xiaohua.]

NPSS: Yes. [??? Young Lord of Solutions ???] Grave-Robbing Prince.

Interviewer: Ahhhhh~~great~~~ >///<~~ The Old Nine Gates [??? Admirals ???], right? … Then Xiao Hei [TN: Hei Xiazi / Hei Yanjing] also has a role?

NPSS: Yup.

Interviewer: The descendants of the Old Nine Gates [??? Admirals ???] are nine golden men? =w=

NPSS: One isn’t. 8 men. 1 woman.

Interviewer: The female is Huo family Forbidden Lady, right?

NPSS: Yup. Counting her.

Interviewer: So that means Tianzhen still has 7 in his harem… Damn, catching up to Cracked Pot’s bunch of shiny guardians. [TN: Idk what that is in reference to.]

NPSS: Cracked Pot? What’s that? [TN: Yay I’m not the only one!]

Interviewer: Cough Cough. Your Majesty, you don’t need to know.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Will Sanshu come to Nanning for an autograph session?

NPSS: Nanning? Need a Nanning bookstore to invite me.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Lao San [TN: Still referring to NPSS], from Wu Xie’s (or Pangzi’s) perspective, where does Menyouping stand? Just a ‘person who stands on our side’? [TN: Refers to when ZQL told them he was a person on their side.]

NPSS: Now it should be like a son’s role / part.

Interviewer: What? Son? ==

NPSS: A very promising son.

Interviewer: Is Wu Xie having the ‘My son has grown up’ old mother mentality?

NPSS: Not really. More like, my son has bad memory or something.

Interviewer: Wu Xie he is indeed [??? person wife ???] [TN: Uh... term used was 人\妻 which when Googled had the first link to pornhub lol. But I think the slang used is actually this.]

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: In Sanshu’s day to day, how often does you use code words? Or is it scrunching your feet and thinking on it for a month or two before coming up with something? [TN: I think they’re referring to Sanshu as in NPSS and not Wu Sanxing Sanshu?]

NPSS: It’s usually simultaneously [??? buckling ???] and eating and typing.

Interviewer: Does it taste good?

NPSS: Often get stomachaches.

Interviewer: …Very toxic huh…

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: Can you fill the bit plothole of Sanshu’s storytelling? Your Majesty, do you have any filled pits? == (Hides face)

NPSS: I promised my father I would fill them before he turns 70.

NPSS: [??? New Year’s Eve pieces ???]

Interviewer: How old is his esteemed Majesty’s father?

NPSS: 60.

Interviewer: …. (speechless)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: What kind of person is Wu Xie’s mother?

NPSS: Wu Xie’s mother is probably a strong / great woman.

Interviewer: I think so too.

NPSS: Beautiful but strict and fierce, which is why Dad is rather pathetic / a good-for-nothing.

Interviewer: Queens are great. Queens usually marry good-for-nothings. [TN: The ‘queen’ here is literally ‘female king’, so more implies a female ruler.] ==

Interviewer: In the end, did Wu Xie inherit his dad’s genes?

NPSS: Wu Xie also has a very dark personality.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

NPSS: I’m nearly at my limit…

Interviewer: Same here… (sleepy)

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Interviewer: If we may ask Sanshu, if excluding psychological factors, in terms of human nature, do you think Pingxie is suitable?

NPSS: I think, the two of them together. Neither can earn money. Parents on both side would not agree.

Interviewer: Can it not be one steals and the other sells stolen goods?

NPSS: At the very least, Wu Xie needs to get admitted to a civil service position. [TN: These are stable job positions lol]

Interviewer: Looks like Lao Meng eats soft rice! [TN: A saying that refers to men who lives off of women lol. Basically that the woman supports the man instead of the expected vice versa.]

NPSS: And also will need to buy a house in Hangzhou.

Interviewer: … Too realistic… == [TN: Lol no joke this is exactly how couples get ‘permission’ to marry each other by the families… Hangzhou housing prices are not cheap either. I was born there and visit often… those prices have gone uuuuuuup.]

(And the two are dozing off)

NPSS: Let’s end it. I can’t hold on anymore.

Interviewer: Ok…

(The physically / mentally exhausted two rolled off to sleep, interview unfinished… ==)

~ End Interview

Whew that was a long ride. NPSS is such a troll lol... 😅I don’t know nearly enough Chinese slang / internet speak to parse this properly, but the general gist is there.

#dmbj #daomubiji #daomu biji #pingxie #interview #translation #the lost tomb #the lost tomb reboot #zhang qiling #wu xie #wang pangzi #ultimate note

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dreamiehrs · 3 years

Text

a Christmas miracle ➛ z.cl

genre: fluff, comedy/crack, bestfriend!chenle, gender neutral reader, hurt/comfort somewhat

pairing: zhong chenle x reader

word count: 2,588 words

warning(s): some swearing

summary: Christmas had been the same old same old holiday for you and your family for plenty of years now, fully embracing the tradition of meeting up with family, exchanging presents, and enjoying each other’s presence on Christmas day. however, this year seemed to feel quite different, with your family quite literally forgetting that Christmas even existed, and with you all stuck in your apartment alone in the snowy city, you weren’t so sure what you were going to do for Christmas this year. unbeknownst to you, though, your sneaky best friend had a trick up his sleeve, and he was determined to make this Christmas one you’ll remember forever.

note: this is a part of mylin’s @suh-insane and sunny’s @neocitybynight Walking in a Winter Wonderland collab! this is my first time participating in a collab solely for Christmas, so I hope you all enjoy this fic of mine! Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it! I hope you all have an amazing and safe Christmas this year, and I just wanted to let you all know that I appreciate and love you guys so so SO much! (and to the people who don’t celebrate it, I still hope you all have a wonderful day nonetheless!)

prompts chosen: “when we finally kiss goodnight how I’ll hate going out in the storm! but if you’ll really hold me tight all the way home I’ll be warm.” + “that’s what Christmas memories are made from. they’re not planned; they’re not scheduled. nobody puts them in their blackberry. they just happen.”

for the past few months, time seemed to fly by without leaving a trace behind, and before you knew it, it was already Christmas day. if it was any other year, you would’ve woken up earlier, around 6 AM to be precise, and start your trek to your parents house with their gifts in hand. however, since your parents and the rest of your family got caught up in other ordeals, and quite literally forgot that Christmas even existed, you had woken up quite later than 6 AM. 9 AM, if you were being specific.

you had still bought your family presents for Christmas, of course, and took the time to wrap them and spiffy them up yourself with various different kinds of Christmas wrapping paper you’ve collected over the years as a pro wrapper (in actuality, it was just your mother giving you extra wrapping paper when she accidentally bought too much, so you weren’t entirely a pro wrapper, per se). what you were trying to say is that you put a lot of thought into buying and decorating presents for your family, and you were sort of down about how you wouldn’t be able to give them their presents in person this year.

basically, what you were trying to get across is that you quite literally had no plans for Christmas this year, and you were probably going to spend your entire day wailing away in your apartment.

nonetheless, you pulled yourself out of bed after being in deep thought for thirty minutes straight, and decided to actually not wail away in your apartment for the rest of the day. it was time to be festive, you thought to yourself, as you slowly made your way around your room to move your curtains aside to let some sunlight seep in. although you were in a brooding mood, you didn’t entirely want your room to reflect that.

you huff to yourself as you slide your feet against the carpet floor, swinging open your closet doors and glancing over all of your clothes, none of them really catching your attention. you sigh before closing both of your closet doors dramatically, turning around and heading towards your dresser. you can faintly hear your phone buzz on your nightstand as you pull on one of the knobs on one of your dresser drawers that contains your pajama pants. you grab a random pair of snug pajama pants and opt to keep the same pajama shirt you wore to bed last night on before heading to the bathroom to change.

after taking some time to get dressed and brush your teeth, you finally exit your bathroom and toss the pajama shorts you wore last night in your hamper. you snatch your phone and stash it in your pocket before making your way towards your miniature kitchen. you promptly grab your kettle and fill it up with water, waiting for it to reach the third line before placing it on your stove. you move the dial until its exactly on high temperature, and you’re about to start to make yourself breakfast until you feel your phone buzz in your pocket.

fed up with how active your phone had been for the past thirty minutes, you finally fish your phone out of your pocket and lean against the counter next to your stove.

your phone contained the usual notifications, such as Instagram likes, Team Snapchat sending you a Christmas snap, your best friend chenle spamming your phone- wait, your best friend chenle spamming your phone? that was FAR from your usual notifications, and you were honestly quite surprised that he was contacting you on Christmas day this year. he’s usually spending it with his family all day, and never texts you back until he gets back home, which is around eight PM.

without thinking, you unlock your phone and tap on the messages icon, and your jaw almost drops when you see how many messages he sent you within the past few hours. since 6 AM, chenle has sent you over one hundred messages, and for once, you were grateful that you were a heavy sleeper, because if you were a light sleeper and woke up to every single one of his messages, you would’ve lost your mind.

you [9:45 AM]: please chenle what do you WANT FROM ME

lele the dumdum [9:45 AM]: WOW YOU’VE FINALLY WOKEN UP FROM UR DEEP SLUMBER

lele the dumdum [9:45 AM]: I THOUGHT U WERE NEVER GOING TO WAKE UP

lele the dumdum [9:46 AM]: took u long enough smh

you [9:46 AM]: ...is this really how you’re going to treat me on Christmas day??

lele the dumdum [9:46 AM]: I treat you like this all the time. what makes you think that today’s gonna be any different?

you [9:47 AM]: …

lele the dumdum [9:47 AM]: anyways… MY GORGEOUS WONDERFUL BESTIE WHAT DO U HAVE PLANNED FOR CHRISTMAS TODAY

lele the dumdum [9:48 AM]: DO ANY OF UR PLANS INVOLVE ME POTENTIALLY COMING OVER??? O.O

you [9:48 AM]: is this why you’ve been spamming my phone SINCE 6 AM!?!?!

you [9:48 AM]: also why were you awake at 6 am anyways

you [9:49 AM]: did your crush finally text you back or are you still drowning in loneliness like usual

lele the dumdum [9:50 AM]: I don’t even have a crush??? who told you that false information

you [9:50 AM]: the little elves running around my house whispered it in my ear last night

lele the dumdum [9:51 AM]: I think you’re going to delusional

you [9:51 AM]: I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case at this point

lele the dumdum [9:51 AM]: MOVING ON

lele the dumdum [9:52 AM]: WHAT DO U HAVE PLANNED

lele the dumdum [9:52 AM]: I NEED TO KNOW THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

you [9:53 AM]: me planning to wail in sorrow all day is very important to you??

lele the dumdum [9:53 AM]: ...excuse me what?? UR GOING TO WAIL IN SORROW ALL DAY ON CHRISTMAS DAY!?!?

lele the dumdum [9:54 AM]: this is not acceptable. I am coming over right now to spread some of my FESTIVENESS AND JOLLINESS with you :D

you [9:55 AM]: chenle you really don’t have to-

lele the dumdum [9:55 AM]: TOO BAD IM OMW RN AS WE SPEAK

you [9:56 AM]: at least bring some festivities, games, and snacks with you 🙄

lele the dumdum [9:56 AM]: oh shit you have a point

lele the dumdum [9:57 AM]: BRB ILL BE THERE IN 30

you knew that once chenle had made his mind up about something, he wasn’t going to change it that easily, so it would be futile to try and stop him now. you don't bother replying to his last message, and you shove your phone back in your pocket a few moments before your kettle whistles. you move on from chenle tormenting you for twelve minutes straight and make yourself some tea and breakfast instead.

it was now around 10:30 AM, and you had just finished digesting your breakfast when you feel your phone buzz in your pocket again. you were lying down on your small, beige couch, with your cold tea sat on the coffee table a few feet away. you were still in your pajamas, with no intent of changing into actual clothes anytime soon.

once again, you fish your phone out of your pocket to see what nonsense chenle was texting you this time.

lele the dumdum [10:31 AM]: open up, bitch

you [10:31 AM]: I thought I gave you a spare key??

lele the dumdum [10:32 AM]: shit I forgot it

lele the dumdum [10:32 AM]: anyways OPEN UP

you lazily lift yourself up from off of your couch, grasping your mug of cold tea on the way to the door. you take your time unlocking your door, halfly because you felt like annoying chenle, and halfly because you were just over today in general.

the first thing that stands out to you once you swing open your front door is how different your outfit looks compared to chenle. he was all bundled up with plenty of layers to keep him warm while adventuring the city, and meanwhile you adorned white and pink striped pajamas with socks on. you also noticed that he had a dark grey bookbag on his back, and was holding two full bags in his hands.

the two of you stare at each other for a few more seconds until chenle breaks the silence with: “I think this is the most I’ve seen you look like a complete old person. there have been other times, but the old person persona is just jumping out at me right now.”

you roll your eyes. “don’t say that when you yourself have dressed up as an old person before.”

“yeah, yeah,” he brushes you off, passing by you to slip his shoes off and to take off his five hundred layers. “it doesn’t matter whether you look like an old person, it mainly matters whether you have the spirit of an old person, you know?”

“I cannot comprehend your words this early in the morning. we can have a conversation about whether I act like an old person later.” you say as you watch him remove his large, dark green jacket and place it onto your coat rack. you can hear him scoff at your remark, and you grin as you see the corners of his mouth lift up slightly.

“early in the morning? y/n it’s only-” he pauses to check his phone “10:32 AM. that’s early for you?”

“I woke up at 9 AM, you dum.”

“oh,” he swivels around to face you after taking his shoes off and removing all of his additional layers. “makes sense, I guess. you’ve only been awake for an hour and a half, so you’re probably not fully awake yet. I mean, I’ve been awake since 6 am, and I’m bursting with energy compared to you.”

you give him a deadpan expression in response to what he said, and he can’t help but burst out laughing at your reaction. he steps up beside you and pats your shoulder gently. “well, besides that, I’m gonna be the one who helps you burst with energy like I am right now! follow me!” he whisper-shouts a few inches away from your ear, and you can feel his hand leave your shoulder and grasp your right hand in a matter of seconds.

he leads you back towards your couch, and even somehow manages to help you set your mug down even though he has bags in his hands. the two of you plop down on your couch, and you almost melt at how soft and comfortable your couch was. you closed your eyes for a few seconds as chenle rustled through his bags beside you, and you don’t know how much time has passed when chenle starts to snap his fingers at you.

“y/n, I am not going to deal with your sleepy ass right now. I spent around forty minutes scurrying around the city to find things to lift your mood, and I am not going to let those forty minutes go to waste just because you’re tired.”

you groan and roll to the other side, facing away from chenle. “just five more minutes…”

surprisingly, you’re met by silence in response to your wish of wanting five more minutes of rest, but that silence doesn’t last when you feel something cold touch your face.

you screech and immediately open your eyes to witness chenle pressing an ice cube onto your forehead. you swat the ice cube off of your forehead as quick as you can, and stare up at chenle like he’s gone completely mad. “what was that for?”

he grins proudly. his plan had worked. “awake now? great. now, help me figure out what we should do first.”

“I think you’ve gone mad. I cannot believe you just woke me up by pressing an ice cube onto my forehead.” you complain, still feeling the coldness of the ice cube on your forehead. when you finally move to face him now, you see that he had brought plenty of things for you two to entertain yourselves.

“I could’ve done worse things, like dip my hand into freezing water and press it against your face, but I was feeling generous today, so I decided to spare you the pain.”

you scoff. “right. anyways, what’d you bring?”

he glances at you excitedly before getting into it. “well, I brought plenty of snacks, some fizzy drinks, some board games, some movies I rented that we could watch together, some candy, etc. I honestly brought everything that I thought you would like with me, so I really hope all of this is enough to make your Christmas day a little bit more festive. I may have also bought you a present, but besides that… let’s get this party started! ...y/n?”

he tears his gaze away from the couch to up to your face, and you don’t entirely register that you’re crying until a few minutes after staring into his eyes. “oh, I’m sorry… I just… I’m just really grateful that you decided to come all this way to cheer me up on Christmas day, and you brought so many things with you as well to make me feel better so… thank you, chenle.”

he beams at you even though he can feel a tear threatening to fall from his left eye, and instead of letting you see him cry as well, he quickly wraps his arms around your figure, bringing you into a tight hug. “of course, y/n. you know I’d do anything for you, right? if you’re down, I’m going to cheer you up in some way, shape, or form, and if you feel like watching the world burn, then I’ll be right by your side.”

“awh, stop it, you’re going to make me cry even more.” you faintly hit his back with your hand, and he giggles as a few tears fall down his face.

the two of you stay like that for a good five more minutes, which is enough time for chenle to regain his composure and act like he didn’t shed a few tears in the process. he slowly leaves your grasp, taking a good look at your face and wiping some tears off of your face with his thumb. “you know what I think will make you feel better?”

you grin. “what?”

he smiles before swiveling around to rustle through his bookbag, and your eyes widen when you finally process what he’s up to.

the next moment happens so quickly you can barely register that it’s happening. chenle swivels around with two nerf guns in his hands, throws you one that lands perfectly in your arms, and declares: “me completely destroying you in a nerf gun battle will make you feel better.” before he releases fire on you.

you shriek as you run across your apartment, trying to avoid the plastic bullets that chenle was littering your apartment with. eventually, he does win the battle, and it does make you feel better in the end, but let’s not mention that or else his ego will run wild, alright?

65 notes · View notes

char-lotteral · 3 years

Note

I agree with Kishimoto never trying to use the girls. The hate they get is not fair. I used to defend Sakura back in the days because I hoped kishi would do her justice. When shippuden started I WAS SO HAPPY because I thought this was the start of something great for Sakura and the girls but NOOOOO. Every time, Sasuke showed kishi turned her brainless. If you compare Naruto's actions and Sakura's actions to sasuke, you'd see they're completely different. What's up with that weird fake love confession scene 😭? It makes her look like she was manipulating Naru. JEEZ.

Also he literally had badass Tenten and Temari with cool useful abilities and he didn't use them ?! TF ?! Thank god for modern authors who treat their characters with respect :)

okay2 you know how i am with these longass rants so click readmore and brace yourselves

The way I see it, Sakura's character development in shippuden was always one step forward, two steps back. She gets this really badass scene (like her fight with Sasori and those cool ass medical skills) but is then regressed back into a pining girl in love every time Sauce is on screen or Kishi just throws her in the background YET AGAIN.

I love Sakura's abilities actually. Her brute strength, intelligence, vast knowledge and skill as a medic nin. But what I dislike about her character is how kishi handled her feelings for Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura's obsession with Sasuke was so???? huh??? it was so damn toxic and i never once understood why both Nardo and Sak were so obsessed with him. They were a team for one year???? I mean its great that they care about him alot but Sauce's feelings were kinda valid. His freakin clan died. Id go batshit crazy against my own village too. BUT BESIDES THAT. Both Nart and Sakura's Sasuke obsession was so annoying. 80% of shippuden was literally Keeping up with the Uchihas or Naruto yelling SASUKEH. BUT what irks me so much is the fandom's double standards with both Naruto and Sakura. "Oh Sakura shouldve gotten over her Sasuke obsession" but then turn around and call Naruto's obsession cute and gush about how he's so in love with him!!

Hot take but the only reason why sasunaru is "the most developed ship with the most chemistry" is because theyre both male characters.

I guarantee you if Naruto was a girl and SHE would be the one to have this unhealthy obsession who was chasing around Sasuke, the fandom would shit on Naruto just as much. And if Sasuke were a girl, Sauce would be sidelined like the rest of the female cast and Naruto would have another male character to have a "brotherly bond" with, because thats the only bond Kishimoto is actually good at developing. Yey for male characters having all the screentime and cool assets <333

And about that confession scene, I get her intentions. I really do. I understand that she did that in order to bring him home and that she cares about him but honey, w-why?? Why lie to him about your feelings?? Supposed he DID believe her, then what? then what kishi???? huh??? Some of her fans point the blame on Sai or whatever but I personally dont see why that scene was at all necessary. Maybe to establish Naruto's feelings for her wasnt all that serious? or his maturity? idk man. That scene was such a clusterfuck.

In the end her development in The Last and in Boruto was immaculate. She had one of the best glow ups in the old gen and ironically enough, her character wasn't butchered in Boruto. She got badass scenes she was cheated from in shippuden. I also love how she's finally getting the spotlight she deserves. Unlike the other konoha 12 :,)))

Okay onto the next female character that Kishi completely wasted. My baby. My light. 🙈 AAAHHH HINATAA.

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN OKAY2 DEEP BREATHS.

Let me just establish this real quick. Hinata's goal was to get stronger because of Naruto, her goal was never to be with Naruto. She wanted to become someone who is worthy enough to stand beside him, someone whom he can consider as an equal, as a partner. She NEVER once said "marrying Naruto-kun is my all time goal UwU" (if youre one of those weirdos who interpret her character that way, youre immediately invalid, go take a hike)

I personally dont have anything against their crushes but to the point of making their personalities revolve around these guys every time theyre onscreen is so fucking frustrating. And with the way he writes their dialogues is so.damn.cringey. Like that one scene in the war arc with Tsunade and Madara

"I mAy bE a WomAn but I aM nOt WeAAKKKK"

BAAHAHAAHHA WHAT?? Everyone else gets coolass monologues and one liners but thats the best you can come up with Kishi?????? Hilarious.

If im being honest. Hinata's character is actually kinda well written. Not well executed. Dear God no. But with the way he set her story, her personality, her chracterization. She's honestly one of the best written female characters on the show. IMO. By Kishi's standards of writing women ofc. She's hands down one of the most complex characters. Her shy personality wasnt out of the blue, it wasnt a cutesy waifu trait. Her abusive upbringing made her that way. Her trauma turned her that way. So yeah, sue her if she looked up to Naruto as an inspiration when everyone else in her family treated her like dust. Shit on her for having Naruto's love light in her dark when her own damn father wouldnt even look her in the eye and her entire clan shunned her because she was "weak." She doesnt owe her family shit so idgaf what they do with the Hyuga clan. Neji and Hanabi aren't included btw

Im not gonna deny that her role in the show was only as the love interest but tbh for a love interest, Im glad her character wasnt so one dimensional. It just pains me SO MUCHHH how fucking wasted she is. Every time she's with Naruto, they always make her into a damsel in distress. They always feel the need to turn Naruto into the heroic prince. How cute.

LIKE THAT ONE SCENE IN THE LAST WHERE SHE'S THROWN IN THE CAGE?? WHY??? LET NARUTO AND HINA FIGHT THAT FREAKING ALIEN GOD TOGETHER. QUIT WITH THE TOXIC MASCULINITY. WE GET IT. NARUTO'S STRONG. GOOD FOR HIM. NOW LETS SEE HINATA THROW HANDS AND PUT NARUTO IN THE CAGE GODAMMIT

Hnggggg dont get me started with her role in Boruto. She's as relevant as a damn houseplant in the manga. They made her into an invisible trophy wife and "the mc's mother" and we all KNOW what happens to the shounen mc's mother once mc is in need of character development :) Quit putting her in the background. Give us that scene where she won against Hanabi DESPITE being retired for years. Give us that scene where she trains Boruto. GIVE US ANY FIGHT SCENE OF HER WHERE HER POTENTIAL ISNT WASTED WTF?¿

Now if you say that Hinata didnt have development. YOURE INVALID. She came from an abusive household, the shyest girl in her class, her insecurities got in the way of her own confidence, had difficulty of standing up for herself now became a loving mother of two, has the guts to kick her husband out of the house(with whom she couldnt even keep eye contact with when she was a kid) became the strongest hyuga, most supportive wife and mother, and has given her kids the comforting childhood she never had as a kid.

She has one of the most beautiful stories in the show and if you think her personality is only Naruto-kun and big boobs, then im sorry that you cant appreciate such a heartwarming story.

And I agree, killing her would honestly make me feel more at ease than continue to see her suffer because of godawful misogynistic writers. But at least let her die in an epic fight. Please. PLEASEE. She got nerfed so bad, i feel a physical pain every time i think about it

Okay what else. I think Ino got pretty good development. Another wasted potential in shippuden but she's doing good for herself in Boruto. I dont know what Temari is up to. They basically made her into another classic angry mom who beats up her husband for comedy trope. Haha very funny and original! Im not sure with her career, im not that invested in the anime.

Tenten??

oh G O D Tenten. The dirtiest of all. Her jokes about her screentime is so mean and i hate that its true ahsjhs. She was the only female character in OG who's goal wanted to be as strong as Tsunade but what did Kishi do to her?? Sidelined. Forgotten. Irrelevant. Like every damn female on the show :D

Konan shouldnt have died. I blame plot armor. I know in my heart that Konan wouldve kicked Obito's ass if it weren't for Kishi's boomer mindset.

Tsunade had so much hype when she was introduced but died down in the war arc. Madara wiped the floor with the kages. Holy shit. Not only that, but yipee! Naruto is there to save the day AGAIN!!!!

AND UGHHHH If the female characters were given proper treatment then maybe MAYBE all the endgame couples wouldve made fucking sense????¿¿¿

I think that ends my rant. Im not sure how the female characters in Boruto are handled. Except maybe Sarada (she's pretty well executed in the manga imo). But arguably they are sooo much better handled in Boruto than how the old gen girls were. And thats because Kishi isnt anywhere near the new gen female cast. I cant formulate a solid opinion with the other new gen female cast since im not entirely invested in the anime. Not ashamed to admit that I only watch it for the sunshine moments and for Hinata :DD

#and *scene #salty char.txt #char complains about Naruto AGAIN #yey #please end my suffering #i need to leave this fandom what am i still doing here #naruto #day 202 of WTF KISHI #i think i got that out of my system

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heretherebedork · 3 years

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THE ENDING FOR OSSANS LOVE. WE DID IT THEY DID A NON-COMEDY KISS. INITIATED BY TIN TOO. WE WON FELLAS.

but seriously, this episode was wild from start to finish. i watched it live on tv so i was just an anxious mess during the ad breaks wondering whether the last 30, 20, 10 minutes could really tie up the story. and it did! i’m still amazed at how much happens in one episode. we really went from siu muk screaming about how tin should’ve thought through the marriage to them kissing on the couch? and i’d like to think the easter egg is a lawyer asking them these questions before letting them sign their marriage papers but i’m getting ahead of myself

so KK telling tin to go find muk was quite surprising to me. i thought even if deep down KK knew tin wasn’t genuine with his romantic love for KK or couldn’t reciprocate it the way KK wants, he’d rather play pretend than let Tin go, so truly, props to him for being the bigger man and being mature (if thats the term) and encouraging Tin to go find ah muk. i think it’s also partly because he does love Tin enough to want him to have a happy future and not be so selfish as to keep him when both parties aren’t gonna be 100% happy with it.

and then when muk tried to tell tin they wouldn’t have a good future together but obviously just saying without any fight in him? honestly i kinda laughed, it felt like he included it just as an inside joke like, hey remember how i said this and we broke up but here you are ditching your marriage? we ended up right where we left off! (i can’t articulate this properly but i hope you understand HAHA). and Tin going like, i’m a big boy, let me choose :( and it’s true! he has indeed grown (sure he still can’t pack but i’m sure he’s more in touch with his feelings towards siu muk)

honestly? i’m very satisfied with the ending, and LOVED it when carmen took out her own recording device. i was wondering why ping gor just stopped using it after the scam. so glad they brought it back, esp through carmen and it helps solidify their relationship. this couple is truly iconic, i love their dynamic.

i still have so many thoughts but here are some nice stuff from their zoom after party: (1) literally everyone (even the producer) wants to do a movie adaptation or a second season (movie felt more ideal amongst them, but any continuum is nice). (2) for the last scene/ kissing scene, edan and anson actually did three takes with varying degrees of intensity. the one that aired was the middle one, and when asking whether they’d release the most intense one (apparently more mouth/lip movement), both edan and anson lo said they shouldn’t release it because they want it to happen in the movie/ sequel. (3) the cast thinks KK and Darren has potential. (4) the cast also thought louis and francesca should’ve kissed. (5) the hk adaptation is airing in japan HAHA (in fall) as well as a few other east asian countries. that’s all i recall for now.

thank you, francis, from the bottom of my heart, for answering my asks and allowing me to have someone to vent to, laugh at, and get emotionally wrecked together. i know you watch a bunch of other BL series but this has become my favourite show (i don’t watch a lot but when i watch shows i completely spiral) so i’m so happy to get to talk about it with someone. something so dangerous about asian dramas is finding people who want to talk about it (in english as well!) i’ll probably be in your askbox for a few more days sorting out my feelings but i loved going on your blog and seeing new posts about ossan’s love!

We got a comedy kiss turned real kiss! Which was wonderful. It was so, so good to see. I was SO WORRIED when Tin panicked at the kiss again but YESSS WE GOT THE KISS. I might watch those last few scenes with them again, tbh. They're just so GOOD and SWEET and HEARTFELT. What darling boys.

That episode was definitely a wild ride. They held out for the last minute to solve things. Siu Muk yelling about Tin not making up his mind just made me wanna scream, though. I mean, come on dude! You did break up with him for 'his own good'. What did you want him to do? You knew he still had feelings for you when you broke up with him! Stop it! I really wish Siu Muk had been the one to go after Tin, truly, and not have the failed scene at the bridge... but it was good to see Tin chase him down though.

Oh, that scene hurt so much. Siu Muk was so unsure and so scared and Tin, for the first time, genuinely made up his mind. He said 'This is me and I know myself, stop telling me who I am' and he meant it. Is he a fully competent and independent adult? No, but who is? He's capable of running a business and choosing who he loves and if he can't pack a bag... well, everyone has a weakness.

Oh man, a movie adaptation would be great. A second season would probably make me twitchy because EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND. SEASON. EVER. is like 'miscommunication and possible cheating!' and I don't want that for our boys. I want them to just be happy together. I'd only like a second season if they let Siu Muk and Tin be the secondary happy couple and make someone else be in that weird love triangle position. I'd actually love that! They'd make an amazing 'happy in the background' couple.

I want that kiss. DAMNIT. I want that KISS. I wanna see all the versions of the kiss and also more kisses, pleases. Just... Tin and Siu Muk kissing in general would be great and ideal and my favorite thing ever. I just want their future to be happy and content and full of love.

Oh, I am always glad to get show-specific asks, or any ask at all, and happy to chat and natter and share! Please, always feel free to hit me up. It's hard to find a BL I'm not watching (if you do, feel free to tell me about it because it's probably an accident!) I have too much free time, no life and a love of BL that is all encompassing. I've been so glad to know that other people share this show and the same deep thoughts about it and enjoyed all the same bits!

You are always welcome to hit me up and to chat. I've got plenty of headcanons I'm still considering for these characters so I look forward to seeing and hearing your post-show thoughts as well.

#ossan's love anon #ossan's love meta #ossan's love hk meta #my ossan's love anon #i love my ossan's love anon #ossan's love hk #ossan's love hong kong #ossan's love #anon ask #anon answer #bl meta #seriously it was a very cute ending

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panharmonium · 3 years

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Merlin and Naruto

I did Merlin here, so here’s Naruto! :D

[disclaimer for everyone: I have only watched up through Season 10 of Shippuden (the arc with the Five Kage Summit), and I am trying to avoid spoilers for everything after that point, so please don’t interact with this (including tags, because tumblr shows them to me automatically) unless you are avoiding ALL spoilers. For me, this includes discussion about whether you like/dislike future seasons, comparisons of various seasons in terms of quality, etc. Thanks, everyone! <3]

My favorite parent-child relationship: I know they’re not blood-related, but Iruka and Naruto have me crying every time I see them together. Naruto straight-up says that when he’s with Iruka he feels like he knows what it’s like to have a father, and honestly, Iruka loves Naruto so much at this point that he would insta-adopt him if Naruto asked. I love how Naruto always cites Iruka as the first person who cared for him even later in the show when Iruka hasn’t had as much screentime, and when I saw Iruka cry because he’s so proud of Naruto at the end of the Pain arc, it was just...too much for my little heart to handle.

My favorite sibling relationship: You know, thinking about it, almost all of the people in Naruto are only children, as far as we know! But in terms of just that sibling vibe - Sakura and Naruto definitely give me that feel. I know he has a crush on her, but their relationship has always felt more sibling-like to me, and I especially love how deep their bond has become by the time we get to Shippuden. They are just so comfortable with each other now - the depth of the love and friendship they feel for each other is palpable.

My favorite family relationship (other): I adore Naruto’s relationship with Jiraiya. That scene where Naruto falls asleep against his back almost killed me, and Jiraiya’s later line, “Your smile is my salvation” - that was too much. It absolutely destroyed me. The way Jiraiya kind of gave up on everything after his old life went to hell - neverending wars, Orochimaru gone, his original students dead, his student’s students dead, Minato dead - he just ran away after that, and it was meeting Naruto that kind of rekindled that spark of hope in him and helped him reconnect with his community and rediscover a sense of purpose in his life. Naruto enabled him to finally come home, and I think that’s beautiful.

My favorite friendship between two people: There are so many friendships in Naruto that I love (one of the greatest things about this show for me has been how little focus is given to romantic relationships, at least so far; it’s very much a friendship-oriented show), but right now I’m in a bit of a Kakashi-Yamato hole. I was super primed to not like Yamato when he first showed up, because him being there meant that my favorite character WASN’T there, and also he ended up replacing Kakashi on the one mission where the team finally found Sasuke, but the guy won me over in the end. He is one of my favorite characters now - my heart just swells every time I see him - and I think his relationship with Kakashi is super interesting. I’ve written before about how Kakashi’s only truly intimate friendships are with people who are dead, and I do think that applies when it comes to Yamato, too, even though the two of them are obviously very companionable and close. There is still a level to that relationship where Kakashi is a bit of a mentor figure, the “superior officer,” which results in a degree of (still friendly and affectionate) distance. And as with all of his other relationships, Kakashi doesn’t really confide in Yamato about his life or open up to him in the same way that he does when he talks to his dead friends - but at the same time, there is an element to their relationship that doesn’t exist in Kakashi’s other friendships, and it’s the fact that Kakashi trusts Yamato with his kids, implicitly and without reservation. Kakashi’s entire life right now is very much enmeshed in what happens to his students, and even if he doesn’t necessarily talk about that with Yamato, Yamato is still deeply involved in that work. Yamato VOLUNTEERED for that work. And he continues to dedicate himself to it even when his first mission as Kakashi’s stand-in ends up going completely off the rails and turning into WAY more than he signed up for. He keeps doing his utmost for Kakashi’s kids without it even being his original responsibility, and that is such an unusual thing, for Kakashi, who in every other circumstance is always the one stepping in to help other people, the one who always shoulders his burdens alone. Nobody ever asks Kakashi if he needs help with these incredibly high-needs children, and neither does Yamato - but the difference is that Yamato jumps in to help regardless, and he stays no matter how complicated things get. That’s huge, and it’s only going to become more important. It’s just - it is difficult for Kakashi to have intimate friendships with people who don’t share his history, and this rules out almost everybody else in the world, because all the people who truly share his own history are dead. But the degree to which Yamato has altruistically and irreversibly entwined himself into the most important parts of Kakashi’s new history - the chapters being written right now, the ones that are going to define the rest of Kakashi’s life - means that Yamato is well on his way to breaking through that wall and becoming the first exception to a universal rule. [There is a lot to be said on Kakashi’s side of this, too, like - every time Kakashi refuses to call Yamato by his code name I lose my mind just a little bit, and I have MANY thoughts about Kakashi basically dragging folks who’ve been victimized or exploited or experimented on out of ANBU and then absorbing them into his own team, where they become a part of a family-type unit that respects them and cares about them and treats them like human beings. I mean, there’s a huge difference between the Yamato we meet in S2 vs. the Yamato we know in S10 (and the same thing goes for Sai!) - and that’s something I think about a lot.]

My favorite friendship between a group: I love all of the team dynamics, but Team Gai is a fave XD The absurd contrast between oh-so-serious Neji vs. Gai/Lee’s incredible goofiness (with Tenten’s exasperation in between) is comedy gold. I screamed with laughter in S1 when Gai was trying to get Neji to put his hand in the circle and do their “shout a slogan like a sports team” thing - I’ve never seen anything funnier on this show than jonin!Neji trying to put up with Gai’s antics.

My favorite mentorship: My favorite mentorship is always Kakashi and whichever kid happens be onscreen with him at that moment, but I’ll be honest and say that Kakashi+Sasuke was the first dynamic that got me actually invested in this show (as opposed to me just watching it because it was on and not really caring what happened to any of the characters). They are still the mentorship dynamic about which I have the most complex feelings, and that is especially true after the last season we watched. I will probably end up making a separate post about this, because I still have not written down all of my thoughts about the end of Season 10 and I am still trapped in my feelings about this very lost child and the only adult who ever tried to help him the way he deserved to be helped, and I know I have way more to say about them than I can reasonably fit in this bullet point. But - the short version is that I am super compelled by the way that every tragedy that’s befallen Kakashi is precisely what shapes him into the only adult who can help this particular kid, the way seemingly senseless events ended up putting Kakashi in a position where he’s the only adult who can intervene on this kid’s behalf many, many years later. The way Sasuke’s plight (and the potential that Kakashi has to help him) suddenly grants meaning to the worst parts of Kakashi’s life - that knocks me on my butt.

My favorite rivalry: So I probably would not have said this until the episode where Kakashi comes three seconds away from being made Hokage, but I’m gonna say Gai & Kakashi, solely to express my love and appreciation for Gai in that episode. This is the ep where Gai challenges Kakashi to a race through the entire village (as a sort of “last hurrah before we can’t do this kind of silly shit anymore” thing) and Kakashi is initially kind of reluctant to do it, because he’s stressed out about a lot of things, but he does end up agreeing to it, and then he has SO much fun, and I LOVED this so much; I can’t even tell you. This moment takes place immediately after Kakashi returns from that horrible, awful confrontation with Sasuke, and everything preceding this scene was very hard for me to see, because everybody is just asking Kakashi to do more and more and more for them without giving him even a hot minute to be like “i almost just killed my own kid. i almost just had to kill my own kid, who was trying to kill my other kid, who was trying to kill kid #1 first, so i wouldn’t have assume the burden of killing him myself.” Nobody checks on him, nobody asks, and Kakashi has to just hold onto that horror and also fret over the uncertain yet chilling secrets that Madara Uchiha disclosed and also prepare to shoulder the crushing weight of an office he never asked for - AND THEN. GAI SHOWS UP. And even though Gai doesn’t really know what happened, he still checks Kakashi over from top to bottom to make sure he’s in one piece, and then he drags him into this stupid competition, and it makes Kakashi LAUGH. They go running all out across the craterized scene of devastation that used to be their home, and they have FUN doing it, and Kakashi straight-up tells Gai, “This was just what I needed,” which - god. It would be great if Kakashi had somebody he could actually talk to, sure, but there’s also a space in our lives for people who just cheer us up, no questions asked. It’s like when you tell someone you have a problem and they ask, “Do you want to talk about it or do you want to be distracted?” Sometimes you don’t need to talk about it. Sometimes you just need people who will take you for a goofy footrace and make you feel like you’re running too fast for any of your troubles to ever touch you again, for a few minutes.

My favorite hatred/antipathy: The answer to this question used to be Kakashi and Itachi, and while I’m even MORE fascinated by their dynamic now than ever, it’s taken on a whole new dimension, given that I think Itachi is (secretly) thrilled to see someone like Kakashi so committed to taking him down and keeping Sasuke safe. So, in place of that, I’ll just say that I love how much all of the Akatsuki cannot stand each other XD Almost none of them get along, and it makes me laugh every time - I can’t believe they ever get anything done, though I guess that’s to be expected when you get that many super-criminals together in a room. I especially love how they all think Orochimaru is so stupid...cannot get over them laughing at him and his body-snatching immortality schemes.

My favorite potential relationship between characters who never talk in canon: Okay, these are both silly answers, but - I would have KILLED to see Jiraiya interacting with Minato’s team. Like, I’m certain they spent time together, but honestly, what I wouldn’t give to have witnessed some of it. All I could think about during that mini-arc where Jiraiya teaches Naruto how to sync up with Gamariki was how little!Kakashi would have taken one look at the dancing frogs and decided he would be using dog!summons for the rest of his life; meanwhile Obito would have already been in the frog’s mouth begging to be launched into the air like a cannonball. Also - my sister said the other night how it is a CRIME that we never got to see Sasuke forced to interact with Jiraiya and honestly, that is too true.

#naruto #pan watches naruto #long post #meta #(sort of)

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