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vanessagillings · 2 months

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I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:

I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic. Some people who know me in real life still don’t. And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM. I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe? I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag. Even so, how could autism describe me? I was a good student. I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class. I can make eye contact…if I must. And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right? Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?

If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it. I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them: sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak. It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once.

So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance. It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day. But it shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities.

It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person. This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs. No two people on the spectrum present in the same way. And that’s a good thing! No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.

But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic. I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway. I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day. More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing. My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.

If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia

Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom

Neurotribes by Steve Silberman

(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).

Thanks for reading 💛

#autism acceptance day #actually autistic

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ineffable-suffering · 9 months

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Why Aziraphale is an unreliable narrator

Part 1: The Story of Job

I'm absolutely not the first one to talk about this on here and I probably shan't be the last either. Alas, here's my take on why all of the minisodes in Season 2 should be enjoyed with great care – and taken with a grain of angelic salt.

I'm gonna split this into 3 parts, aka the three minisodes we are shown, since I tend to get a bit waffley in my posts and want to still be able to include all the little details. Once I've written them, I'll link Part 2 & Part 3 here as well!

Alright, let's get into it under the cut of doom.

Episode 2 opens with the Story of Job. Right off the bat, I noticed that it sort of looks like an old film playing. At first I didn't read that much into it, but once we see the cut-away to Aziraphale at the bookshop, currently reading that part of the Bible (presumably), I immediately thought: "Oh! It's because it's his memory. He's remembering how it went down and therefore it plays like a figurative film in his head."

This, I then came to realize, is a very crucial difference to all the flashbacks of S1, which were exclusively told and narrated by God. May her intensions be as ineffable as they are: She did tell us all of these stories from an objective outsider's point of view. Now, however, it's Aziraphale who's re-telling those stories to us from memory.

And if there's one thing that's for certain, it's that a memory is something entirely different to an objective narration of a story. Just think about how you yourself remember things. Especially things that happened years, maybe even decades (or, in an angel's case, millenia) ago. What is it, that you really remember? Can you know for sure, that a conversation was held with those exact words? Are you 100% certain that the clothes someone wore weren't different? Had it really been snowing or would that make very little sense given what you're remembering happened in May? And did it even happen in May? Or does that just happen to be your favourite month, the current weather, your preferred style of clothing and what it was that you would imagine someone would have said to you?

What I'm trying to say is: The further away it is that something happened, the more your brain has to fill in the gaps. This is why, for example, your parents will remember the family summer holiday entirely different when you ask them about it 20 years later.

"No, it was Sarah who puked on the car ride home!" "Nonsense, Sarah never puked as a child. Bobby had that gone-off pizza, he's the one that was sick the whole ride long!"

We've all been there. Bobby made it out alive. Don't buy gas station pizza.

Alright, back to the plot: Naturally, Aziraphale is not actually human, so it is a pure assumption on my part that the way his memory works is similar to ours. However, the whole topic of "memory" is actually quite a recurring one on Good Omens.

Crowley seems to have lost his in the Fall, yet somehow managed to get most of it back. Not all of it, though, he clearly has some major gaps ("You used to jump on me back, little monkey in the waistcoat!"). Beelzebub helps Gabriel store all his memories in their little fly container before they get wiped entirely too, by the Metatron and/or Saraqael. Crowley and Aziraphale (and possibly Jimbriel) perform a miracle together that makes everyone in Heaven and Hell forget who Garbiel is or what he looks like. And we know that the Book of Life apparently has the ability to completely erase someone from existence – ergo also erasing them from everyone's memory and making it is as though the person had never been in them at all.

So, clearly, angels and demons being able to remember, forget, reconstruct and, if you're the Metadork, wipe memories, is very much canon. Apart from that very last one, it does make them quite human-like in a way. We too can forget or (wrongfully and incompletely) reconstruct memories, due to things like trauma, illness or simply a lot of time having passed.

So, just like Crowley remembers going into battle but doesn't remember Furfur being there, or just like Jimbriel has entierly forgotten who he is but still remembers the tune and lyrics to Buddy Holly's song Everyday, and just like archangel Michael was miraculously made to forget Gabriel and yet says "Don't I know you?" when seeing him again – just like that, Aziraphale's memories of the story of Job, the story of wee Morag and the story of the magic show in 1941, might not actually be the whole truth.

So, time to look at where the furniture isn't.

Now, it could very well be that the costume designers of S2 thought: "Fuck it, let's go crazy" – but given that this show has a track record of meticulously making sure to stick to accurate and cohesive character design, doesn't it strike you as odd that Crowley would go from this look at the Flood in Mesopotamia, 3004 BC:

... to the (very iconic, don't get me wrong) Bildad the Shuhuite drip in 2500 BC:

... back to this at the crucifixion of Jesus Christ in 33 AD:

I mean ... I mean– come on, that seems like a bit of a far stretch, even for someone as enthusiastically experimental with fashion as Crowley.

And it's not just that: Where did the sunglasses come from, all of a sudden? And why do they look like some sort of obscure, ancient optometrist's device? It's a known historical fact that the Romans were the ones to have invented sunglasses, somewhere around 50-ish AD. Which actually matches perfectly with when Crowley and Aziraphale meet again in Rome 8 years after the crucifixion (51 AD).

So, where do the weird spectacles come from, over 2000 years too early? Maybe from Aziraphale's brain filling in some gaps? Hasn't Crowley always worn those ridiculous sunglasses? Was it Rome? Or Golgotha? Wessex? Oh, blimey, what does it matter!

And it's not just Crowley: Aziraphale's own clothes, as well as the other angels', seem to be very different from the rather plain linen we see him wear before and after the story of Job.

They're laced with golden embroidery along the neckline and sleeves. The remind almost of the clothes angels are depicted wearing in biblical and historical drawings. Ornate and decadent. Not at all like we see Aziraphale in the other flashbacks of S1.

Even Bildad the Shuhite's hair within the minisode keeps changing, going from all pouffy and voluminous to rather deflated and straight-looking:

The costume department either had to fix up two seperate wigs or manually straighten out the volume of the one again to give it a more sleek look. I'm not a professional in this field, but if there's anything I've learned from watching hours of behind-the-scenes material of movies and shows, it's that very little about costume, character, prop and set design is purely coincidental.

You know what it could be, though? An accurate representation of how memories aren't linear, historically correct and objective representations of a certain event, but rather an ever-changing, jumbled mess of impressions, emotions and exaggerations.

More specifically: Aziraphale's impression, emotions and exaggerations.

Like "remembering" Crowley with sunglasses because he's been wearing them for so long.

Like "remembering" himself wearing more luxurious, angelic clothes because that's how he thinks of the difference between Heaven and Hell.

Like "remembering" the permit as a ridiculously long scroll that folded out over an entire valley.

Like "remembering" Job's children to be weirdly sassy in an almost Aziraphale-esque way (Enon: "Don't be silly!") for the fact that Job would have probably taught them to be more humble and obedient in the presence of a literal angel.

Like "remembering" eating an entire fucking Ox after having just one bite of it while Crowley watched him lustfully, sipping on his wine.

Like "remembering" Crowley calling him 'angel', despite them having barely known each other back then.

There's a reason why the flashbacks in S2 seem so much more alive, quirky and, at many points, confusing and all over the place. Because they're not objective stories being told by a third party. They're Aziraphale's. So much of his own thoughts and feelings at the time get projected onto them because that's simply how memory works!

It's subjective. It's unrealiable.

It's not that I'm calling Aziraphale a liar. He's no more a liar than your parents are, mixing up Sarah and Bobby. Or you, remembering snow instead of sunshine. Memories aren't lies. They can simply be faulty, focus on things that you thought were more important and leaving out or changing things that weren't, to you.

The real challenge in all of this, is trying to filter through Aziraphale's stories to see what it actually is they're telling us. Where it is that the furniture isn't. And I think in this case, that's 6 main things (eff you, God, I know you like sevens, but I don't care):

God and Satan (still) talk to each other We see that Aziraphale is quite surprised when Muriel mentions that the whole Job thing is God's bet with Satan. But clearly, despite having made him and the rest fall, God still converses with Her number one traitor about whether or not the humans simply love Her because she gives them nice things or because they truly believe in Her.

God and Satan (and Heaven and Hell) can and do collaborate with each other when they feel like it So much for choosing sides, huh? Truthfully, this is not the first time this is shown to us, but still. It's another piece of evidence on the growing pile.

Aziraphale understands the World and humans way better than any of the other angels "Well, you see ... Citis is 58 ..."

Aziraphale, despite having troubles voicing it, absolutely disagrees and even condemns God's plan of destroying Job's children (and goats and camels and––)

Aziraphale is willing to lie and thwart the will of God Also not the first time we're being shown this but again, piiiile of evidence.

Angels don't automatically Fall simply by doing the above To me, this is one of the most important take aways. It's already hinted in S1 as well that 'Falling' seems to have been a one time even back when the first war broke out in Heaven. And I actually believe that ever since then, no other angels have Fallen again. Aziraphale is the best example for this. He has gone against God's plan numerous times and even lied to her very face (voice?) about it. And yet, nothing ever happened to him. Why exactly that is the case remains a topic for another meta (that I might or might not be working on already, teehee).

Alright, that concludes this first look at the Job minisode! If there's anything I missed, feel free to share it with me. I'll try and add Part 2 (the story of wee Morag) and Part 3 (the magic show of 1941) soon.

Update: Part 2 and Part 3 have officially been written, you can find it them right here:

Part 2: The Story of wee Morag

Part 3: The Story of the Magic Show in 1941

Hugs and kisses, (God)!

#good omens #good omens season 2 #gos2 #go2 #good omens 2 #good omens meta #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #story of job #job minisode #good omens analysis #aziraphale is a storyteller #but not a very accurate one #my own meta

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genericpuff · 4 months

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Lore Olympus Episode 265 Betrays the Series' Own Messages of Consent

I've been keeping it on the down low lately with new episodes of LO, both for the sake of my mental health and because LO itself has just become so... pointless and boring. There's only so much to say when nothing is happening, and in that regard, I will preface this with a "congratulations" towards Rachel, because she's finally found a way to best the "haters" - make the comic so boring that there's nothing worth talking about to begin with.

At first glance I thought this was going to be another one of those episodes. Good job, Rachel, you managed to pad out another episode with pointless fluff to get you closer to that looming end date. Just keep dragging, just keep dragging, just keep dragging-

But the longer I sat on it, and read the comments and posts about it in discussion circles, the more I've realized that this episode in particular has a load of issues that I don't feel good just sitting on and not talking about. Primarily because, over the course of about 90% of this episode's length, we see Lore Olympus - and Rachel - slyly undo everything that ever mattered in its subtext about consent, healthy relationships, and strong communication.

Granted, Lore Olympus has never exactly been the poster child for those things, but it's trying to be, so we're going to dissect it with an equal amount of scrutiny. It wants to be taken seriously, so I'm going to take it seriously and criticize it seriously.

CONTENT WARNING: EPISODE 265 SPOILERS AHEAD, AS WELL AS DISCUSSION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT, MENTAL HEALTH, GROOMING, AND SYMPTOMS OF MANIA, PROCEED WITH CAUTION

Episode 265 opens with an attempt at plot progression, returning to Morpheus who, last we checked, had been targeted by Kronos as the cliffhanger for Episode 259 before being shoved aside entirely for multiple episodes worth of Demophoon, pool-fucking, and a vision from Hera.

Honestly, I won't waste my 30 image limit on the episode's opening sequence because it accomplishes absolutely nothing. And by the time it starts to try and state what that goal is, it transitions away, because Rachel has the attention span of a squirrel on meth and having Morpheus state what her plan is would just be too much dedicated writing for her at this point, she needs another week at least to figure it out.

So instead we get exactly what was promised in the FastPass previews - the entire episode is spent, yet again, on Hades and Persephone, with the exact same topics, conclusions, and terrible sex as the pool scene.

Seriously, this might be a nitpick, but I'm so tired of Persephone not being allowed to swear. We've seen other characters swear. We've even had Kronos call her a "dumb fucking bitch". But this "girlboss" character who we're supposed to believe has "agency" can't be allowed to swear even when they're in an ACTUALLY STRESSFUL SITUATION? You know purity culture isn't exclusive to sex, right, Rachel? If you're gonna deconstruct it, maybe don't have the poster child of that deconstruction be relegated to a church girl? She's literally the Queen of the Underworld - adjacent to the ruler of Hell - let her fucking swear LMAO

Anyways, we see very quickly that Persephone is still feeling the ill effects of her anxiety that she was feeling in the last episode. Anxiety that, by the way, caused her to pass out. Please keep that in mind, don't let it escape.

And what is she stressing over? The genocide? The fact that they still don't have an actual solution to the ongoing "plague"?

Nah. The sleep dive. She's stressing over her husband doing the sleep dive again and - like last time - turning into a dad-possessed monster.

As always, the fear and anxiety is in no way linked to the actual devastation happening outside - it's just concern for the main male lead, because that's all Persephone's character and thoughts and opinions and "agency" can revolve around.

But uh. Remember that scene where Hades got possessed by Kronos and literally strangled her? Remember that scene I just asked you to keep in your brain about her panic attacks getting so bad she's been passing out?

Hello? No? Okay. Next.

I hate, I loathe, I detest this dialogue. Not because it's cliche as fuck - it is - but because the whole "I trust you, it's just xyz I don't trust" shit has been overplayed and debunked as a plausible response in relationship communication for years now.

We talked about this back during our discussion of Leuce - how it shouldn't matter if Persephone doesn't trust Leuce because ultimately Leuce can't do anything to her or Hades' relationship if it's built on as much "trust" as she claims it is, trusting Hades is all that should matter full stop - and it repeats itself here, albeit with Hades' dad instead of his canon first wife. This is a copout. Relationships actually built on trust can definitely still be worried about the issues posed by other people, but if you trust your partner, if you truly trust your partner, that's it. That's where the sentence ends. No shit you don't trust Kronos, we've been over this song and dance multiple times before and while he's definitely a bigger real threat than Leuce, your distrust for Kronos has nothing to do with how you're communicating with your partner who knows there's likely no other way and a solution has to be found. Nothing's being accomplished at this point from Persephone moping around and having sex with her husband, and he's showing 10x more initiative in actually finding a solution - even if it means putting his own safety at risk - than Persephone.

I didn't edit any of that, those are the legit real panels. Literally what the fuck is this dialogue, my tinfoil hat theory about LO being written by ChatGPT is becoming more and more plausible and I hate that, my crackpot theories shouldn't actually become reality.

Is there an owl in here?

LO is just spinning its wheels over the exact same conversation and points that have already been made. Nothing is being accomplished here, it's just more moping and going over the same problems - the centre of which being "what about H x P's relationship?? :(((("

All of that repetitive meandering and moping for "okay fine but if anything feels weird, get out" "okay". It, again, accomplishes nothing that couldn't have been accomplished during the pool scene.

And now we get this line. "I experienced greed in that way, and you do not possess it." Don't be alarmed if you were confused, I was confused too, as were many people in the discussion circles. Thanks to the ULO Discord, I realized she was talking about Apollo. She's literally comparing him to Apollo.

"After all this time, I can't comprehend you causing me harm. I've been at the receiving end of harm so I would know" is literally all she's trying to say. And even with it translated... I don't really like the implications of it at all. This has been a problem since S1, but there's always been this subtext in LO that because Hades didn't rape her, that somehow makes him less abusive or a better partner for Persephone than Apollo, that's all the SA has really been trying to achieve.

But Hades is abusive. He's intentionally pursued women who are in a crisis. He's trapped women in financial dependency. He's sabotaged women from having power and status on the same level as him.

And now, we're about to see actual abuse from Hades - the subtle kind that demands co-dependency, but is still abuse, full stop - but it's being framed as "romantic".

"Being an Originals creator was my big chance to prove myself, and I flopped"- wait sorry I misread. We're talking about Persephone failing at being Queen. Yeah, she definitely flopped. And it goes to show her true intentions in wanting to be Queen, now that she's hit rock bottom and isn't putting on a brave PR face - she wanted to become Queen not to make the Underworld a better place, not to be an example of being a better ruler among a gallery of scumbags, but to "prove" that she could belong and be one of the big guys, that she could be more than just a cereal box mascot.

Don't get me wrong, I can absolutely get wanting to rise above the odds and "prove" to everyone that you can be more than people's perceptions of you, but becoming the literal ruler of a realm that you then go on to destroy due to your own hubris, just to whine and cry about it and have your husband and your colleagues and your friends carry the burden of that destruction on your behalf... therapy would have been a better first step to overcoming those insecurities, not taking control over the lives of innocent people.

Especially when Persephone DID have status and power before becoming Queen, it just wasn't the specific kind of status and power she wanted. She was only a trust fund child with a huge net worth, a full-ride scholarship, and everything she could ever need provided to her with little struggle to get it - but she didn't have control over other people so it just wasn't good enough.

This is the perspective and attitude of a 19 year old who never matured. Who never could mature because she transitioned from her mother's control into Hades'. There were far better ways to prove herself, ways that we had seen her try to do, only to drop so she could pursue her co-dependent relationship with Hades - she gave up her schooling, gave up her apartment (which we only see her use maybe 2-3 times), gave up so many of her connections and support so she could be with Hades.

This is the result of 5 years of real-time grooming that we're seeing play out.

No, you are just saying them because she's your wife. You'd be saying it to Minthe, or Leuce, or Hera, or any other woman in Persephone's position because it's not about taking accountability, it's about keeping these women in a position of submissiveness and co-dependency, by giving them reassurance that nothing they ever do is wrong and that he's the only one that can give them that freedom from consequences.

And then we get the reinforcement.

I'm gonna spare you all the cringe of the actual sex scene (and yes, they do straight up go into having onscreen sex and it's... not hot at all), but here's some of the dialogue spoken by Hades during the entire sequence:

Again, let's remember the actual situation that led up to this and the position Persephone is currently in. For the third time Persephone has "accidentally" killed thousands of people. Over the past few episodes we've seen her try to realize how so many of these problems have been her fault and she clearly doesn't know how to make things right (and Rachel has made it obvious how much she doesn't want you to agree with this kind of self-awareness because much of it is being said through the mouthpiece of a rapist). And now we have Hades, reinforcing the thought patterns that would prevent her from growing and learning and changing. In this, a comic that's supposed to be "feminist", a comic that's trying to preach the importance of consent, a comic that's trying to make us believe this is a healthy, consenting relationship with strong communication skills.

These are literally grooming tactics. Hades is reinforcing the same thought patterns that will prevent Persephone from acknowledging her errors and mistakes. People are dying and Hades is telling her that if anyone has anything to say about it, they deserve to die anyways. The same man who literally rewarded her with sex for vandalizing a nymph's home is now telling her that she's not cruel, but kind:

Hades might not be Apollo, but he literally choked her out less than a week ago while possessed by his dad, and for the last SEVERAL episodes he's had the starry skin making him resemble who? Oh yeah, his dad.

Hades is literally holding Persephone in the same position Kronos did, while she's experiencing a literal meltdown that she's trying to stuff deep down - in fact, exhibiting a LOT of symptoms of mania - and initiating sex.

Doesn't this feel a little familiar?

Oh right, but he asks her if she's "still okay" mid sex only AFTER initiating chokehold sex with her without her consent and love-bombing her, so it's fine, clearly.

I remember being 17 years old and reading Fifty Shades of Grey for the first time, and even then understanding fully how toxic their relationship was. I can only hope the teenagers in Rachel's comment section can realize that as well, but judging by the comment section, I'm not holding out hope. This is literally "fifty shades of fucked up" material, and what's worse is that I can't tell if Rachel genuinely thinks this is healthy, or just doesn't realize how unhealthy it's coming across as. Even beyond how "cringe" this sequence is, it enters into the realm of being deeply uncomfortable and unsettling, and it needs to be talked about, Rachel can't be let off the hook for this especially when this is supposed to be, again, a comic that's intending to "deconstruct purity culture" and teach young girls about consent and boundaries.

And that's it, that's the end of the episode. It reads like the manifesto of a villain in the making at the hands of a predator, like Anakin being manipulated by Palpatine - "so long as you're with me, you'll have all the power, all the glory, and everyone else will be crushed underneath your heel."

Is that really the message we really want to come away from LO from? That it's fine for husbands to initiate sex with their wives through trauma-bonding and reinforcement of toxic thought patterns rooted in grooming because... they're married? That being a "girlboss" means sabotaging and abusing anyone who you perceive as a threat?

Is Hades really that much different from Apollo? Because so far, the line between his actions and Apollo's are seriously starting to blur. The parallels between Persephone and his past partners - Minthe and Hera - have always been clear, but they've never been quite so loud as last night's episode.

This is Hades' play, the play of a groomer and an abuser who depends on making their victims dependent on them - taking advantage of women while they're in a crisis.

For Minthe, it was financial - she had lost her job, blamed it on him, and he found a way to "solve her problem" that strategically put her into a position where she had to continue to financially depend on him for what's assumed to at least be a year or longer, through her apartment, her bills, and her job.

For Hera, it was emotional - she had chosen Zeus over him, and instead of addressing her marital concerns within the marriage, she participated in an affair with Hades in an attempt to have what she could have had if she had chosen Hades instead, a man who resembles her own abuser. Not only did this put her into a much more vulnerable position than him - if the affair was found out, Hera would have suffered the consequences far more than Hades - but it's also manifested itself into Persephone, who Hera has been using as a stand-in for herself, even going so far as to manipulate Persephone's image and how she goes about her decision-making, from intentionally pulling the strings to get Persephone a job with Hades so she could get closer to him as a "test" for Hades, to forcing Persephone to wear a wedding dress she wanted her to wear over the one Persephone had actually picked out herself.

And now there's Persephone, the newest addition to the cycle of abuse and untreated trauma, the true culmination of Hades' years trapping and manipulating women - financially dependent on him, emotionally dependent on him, and only where she is because she's made her entire identity revolve around him.

I'm not going to psychoanalyze Rachel in any way, I don't want anyone to think that this is permission to do so because Rachel's personal life is her own and I want to examine the material rather than the person. But so much of LO gives me such a gross impression that Rachel herself never matured past middle school, that she never grew beyond the mindset of being a 13 year old girl who felt like the entire world was against her and that no one could understand her, that she never gained the perspective most adults do by the time they're 25 at minimum after they've entered the "real world" and had the lived experiences that make you realize "wow, that girl I hated in high school for stealing my crush from me probably wasn't as bad as I thought she was and we were all just teenagers trying to navigate the hellscape that is adolescence."

And instead of actually analyzing those thought patterns and mindsets, Rachel is instead reinforcing it in her own audience of 13 year old girls and teenagers who will only hopefully maybe outgrow it and not just repeat the cycle themselves.

And this isn't entirely on Rachel's shoulders. It's on the shoulders of E.L. James, of Stephanie Meyer, of Colleen Hoover, of every "young adult" romance author who's peddled this strictly heteronormative "submission culture but not like the 1950's kind I swear" crap, that women should only aspire to find the richest man they can bag in their pursuit for power and after that everything in the world is owed to them and any problem they have can be solved by riding dick. Trauma? Solved. Genocide? Solved. The very real consequences of your own actions that affect others to such a degree that it will be felt for decades? Solved. Just ride that dick and get that money, girlboss.

Just like 50 Shades of Grey, if Lore Olympus was any other story, it would be a tragedy. It would be a masterclass in understanding and showcasing the signs of emotional abuse, financial abuse, grooming, trauma-bonding, love-bombing, and enforcing co-dependent habits for the sake of trapping people. It would be a precautionary tale to young girls to stay alert and be wary of older men, that men like Hades are depending on girls to fall for their tricks, their praise, their affirmations that they're so mature for their age, that they're not like other girls, that they would just be so set for life if they spent all their time and attention with them, so that they can "have it all".

I can only hope that even a third of the young girls who read LO naturally grow up, gain perspective, and learn that LO isn't the pillar of healthy relationships and consent that it tries to be. It's certainly a common thing to see these days, for people to join the UnpopularLoreOlympus / #antiloreolympus community with sentiments that they started reading it at age 14 and then (thankfully) learned that what LO was preaching wasn't healthy.

But for every other girl who doesn't realize this, it's reinforcement of the same cycles - the cycle of women being only objects for sex, pitting themselves against one another, confusing gender empowerment with abuse towards others, and making their entire identity revolve around a man and justifying it as healthy so long as it makes them rich and powerful.

Even if Rachel some day gets her own head out of her ass and realizes what damage she's causing in her audience, like Persephone committing genocide, no amount of self-awareness will undo the consequences. She'll still have the awards, the money, the accolades, everything she's gained off the backs of Greek myth, feminism, and good faith from an immature audience who doesn't know any better and isn't being given the tools to understand.

Even if she realizes that, that's something she's going to have to live with for the rest of her career.

And it's a fucking tragedy.

#lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #antiloreolympus

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yourheart-inmyhands · 29 days

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eazting your writings by the handfulll......

i remember seeing this yandere thing for baizhu, where, since hes a doctor, he always intentionally keeps you sick (not like. kill you sick, but sick enough to need his care all the time) so you start to rely on him and stuff.. if you're comfortable with the idea, i'd love to see your take on it!

ah this is such a cool concept!! i hope you enjoy this :D

Warning: this post contains yandere-themes, including being held against ones will, mentions of being poisoned, delusional behaviors, and other potential topics. Please read at your own risk!

While Baizhu is capable of doing this, he definitely does this as a last-ditch effort. He’d rather you well and dependent on him willingly instead of making you dependent on him. That isn’t to say he wouldn’t do it, because in all honesty he would, but he hesitates at first, giving you time to willingly submit to him before he puts you in that position.

If you should continue to give him issues, thus forcing his hand, you can expect it to be in the most subtle of ways. He gifts you a bouquet of flowers that he gathered himself, only for you to fall mysteriously ill after having them in your home for a few days. Perhaps he has gone out of his way to invite you to lunch, preparing a meal by hand for you that leaves you kneeled over the toilet hours later. It’s nothing you’d ever expect to be at the fault of the sweet doctor who is often a bit sickly himself.

It was a genius plan really, since you wanted to fuss and fight when it came to spending time with him willingly, Baizhu would simply make you instead. You hadn’t even expected it, when he invited you to have lunch with him, revealing that he’d homemade the meal and wanted your opinion on it. It was no surprise to him that a kind-hearted member of the adventurer’s guild came rushing in only hours later with you under a concerned arm. “The cot on the right is open, you can lay them there.” Baizhu already knew what was causing your problems, but he had no intentions of curing them right away. While there was a quick, simple cure for the plant he had fed you, one not toxic enough to be lethal but just enough to hurt, he figured it was best to let you lay there and work through it with a much slower cure. He wanted you to understand what it meant to disobey him, to know what the consequences were. Baizhu knows the food trick won’t work on you twice, so he enacts other methods, using everything in his medicine cabinets to keep you just sickly enough to be pliant for him.

Baizhu is a one-of-a-kind doctor, something as simple as your first illness should have been easy for him to cure. It was everything else that followed afterward that raised concern among the locals. It seemed every other day you were falling ill with something new, eventually, they started to see less and less of you, with most of your waking hours spent at the pharmacy with Baizhu.

It’s a pity really, Baizhu would’ve loved to go foraging with you, discuss different treatments and medical ideas he’d had, and take you on as his little assistant, alongside QiQi of course. But you just had to go and spoil all his fun, now you spend your days laid out in a bed, skin looking paler than normal, bags under your eyes, always exhausted despite never getting up. It really is a shame.

#genshin x reader #genshin x male reader #genshin x gender neutral reader #yandere genshin x reader #yandere genshin x male reader #yandere genshin x gender neutral reader #baizhu x reader #baizhu x male reader #baizhu x gender neutral reader #yandere baizhu x reader #yandere baizhu x male reader #yandere baizhu x gender neutral reader #yandere genshin #genshin yandere #yandere baizhu #baizhu yandere

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a-single-white-crow · 4 months

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Household Spirits

Household sprits are personal favorite of mine. There are many examples in media of homes being alive or sentient. A famous Slavic example is the walking home of the Baba Yaga. In Western culture, we have the Castle from Howl's Moving Castle; if not from the book, then from the famous Studio Ghibli film of the same name. And seen in an absolute favorite film of mine, the 2006 animated film Monster House.

Now, what is a household spirit?

Simply, an entity or energy that specifically protects the home and Household

(Some may see their home as an energy/feeling in the home. If this energy is truly a Spirit or just the energy given to the home I’m unsure. So, for the sake of this topic, I will also be calling this energy a Household Spirit.)

There are two main categories of this Spirit. That of Deities and those of lesser Spirits.

House Deities are much more powerful and grand. They focus not on one home but many or all.

An example of a household Deity could be the Greek Goddess of Hearth; Hestia.

As for the lesser forms, they are more local. Focused on individual homes and households. They are a Spirit for the people.

Some examples of these Spirits are...

Brownies, Scottish (also taken by Irish)

Kobold/Hobgoblin, German

Lares, Roman

Gasin, Korea

Domovoy, Slavic

Nissie, Norwegian

These Spirits, as one can assume, were worshiped in the home. Some would have a small Idol/Effigy to represent the Spirit on a shrine, while others were seen more as members of the family. Going as far as to even invite them for family meals.

Personally I find caring for a household Spirit to be a priority. If nothing else they help fill one's home with wanted healthy energy. As an ignored home and Household Spirit can become dull, ill, or tired. Leading the home to become more susceptible to unwanted hauntings and negative energy filling the space.

For myself, my Household Spirit is genuinely one of my favorites to work with. His personality is so full. He has given myself and my husband so much motivation when working on our home.

It's not always happiness and rainbows with him though. He has caused a bit of trouble when he feels the need to. When I first started working with him, I let him know immediately that my husband is autistic and has adhd while I have adhd and have minor hoarding tendencies. So we can struggle with simple chores sometimes. I was clear with what to expect from us as our household Spirit. And because of this, he sometimes needs to get creative. I had a bathroom mat that was so worn and used the bottom of it was peeling away and leaving rubber bits everywhere. I kept saying I should replace it but I just never did. Years I kept that same rug. A week into working with our Household Spirit that rug was nudged towards the bathroom trashcan, rolled up slightly, and just anyway he could he pointed myself and my husband towards getting rid of the old worn thing. We never did. Always getting distacted or forgetting about it. Until one day we went into the guest bathroom and the rug was stained beyond saving. Completely destroyed. This forced instant action. We couldn't put it aside and it gave me the push to actually toss it. Since then he hasn't acted so drastically. But even then, I appreciated his act as it was the final kick I needed to get rid of that rug.

The moral of this story is to say...

They know how to get a job done. Make sure to let them know they are appreciated, and they will make it worth your while. And remember, they aren't messing around.

Offerings

Food (ie. Bread, sweets, fruits, ect.)

Drink (ie. Wine, Water, tea, dairy, ect.)

Speaking with the Spirit: Saying “Hello” when you come home

Lighting a Candle

Coins and trinkets

Creating of getting an effigy/Idol for the Spirit

***Note for Brownies and Hobs- Although they wear rags or "peasant's clothes". Never give them clothes. It is an ultimate insult for them, and they will leave***

What does a Household Spirit do?

Helps clean your home- Both in a literal sense and in a spiritual sense

You can leave an offering to your House Spirit asking them to protect your home while you are away for long periods of time.

Bring good luck

Find lost things

Certain types are known to leave gifts- Kobold/Hobgoblin

Can be mischievous or down right evil if mistreated- Breaking items or stealing things

When moving away does a Household Spirit go with you?

Answer: Depends on the Spirit

Some House Spirits are more like a Household Spirit meaning family and not house specific.

Others like the Domovoy of Slavic folklore are a house specific spirit. Meaning, when you move that specific Spirit stays.

When leaving being a House Spirit (as the Domovoy) make sure to perform a Ritual of Thanks to show appreciation, allow the Spirit to understand why you are leaving, and so the House Spirit will treat the next family with respect.

If there are ever any questions about whether your House Spirit should come or stay don’t be afraid to ask. Sometimes, even just your intuition is an answer.

#witch info #info post #baby witch #baby witches #beginner witch #spirit work #house spirit #house spirits #witchcraft #witch #folk magic

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little-miss-dilf-lover · 11 months

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omggg!! i like never request anything but you responded to my last one ab tan and it made my dayyyyyy 😭💗. btw, that's literally my bf i'm never getting tired of him so here's another one if you have a chance

hear me out *again*…perhaps tangerine is stressed out about some stuff that’s causing him to be distant. reader noticed this and obviously she comforts him!! maybe a little lemon cameo too!! this isn’t super detailed but i hope you get it🥰.

your writing is keeping me alive stink🤭🫡!

- 🧬

hii!! ahhh that’s literally so sweet!? me too, will never get tired of him. I love it, such a cute idea! stop it🥹 thank you! your lovely comments do the same for me. thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌 and sorry this took longer than planned, been ill last couple days

distance

tangerine x fem reader

wc || 749

masterlist + taglist

Tangerine is naturally a very closed-off guy. He isn't exactly the type that can talk about his feelings and share what's on his mind or what's bothering him. He often felt like a burden for sharing his thoughts and doubts, so he preferred to keep them to himself, usually by distancing himself.

He hated the vulnerability of it all, how intimate it felt to share his genuine feelings and concerns. But ever since he started dating you, he's been trying to correct his way of thinking. He wanted to change for you, be a better man for you, but he also wanted to change for himself. He knew you'd never judge him for his thoughts, though he couldn't help but resort to his old habits of projection and isolation. He wanted to be honest with you, but it was much harder than he thought.

Sometimes you knew him better than he knew himself, so when you noticed him avert from your company and distance himself, you knew something was bothering him. You had to be careful when approaching the topic, as you didn't want to pressurise or distress him any further. You thought softly easing him in would lead to the best outcome, so you make your way to the kitchen and make him a tea to his exact taste in his favourite mug, then collect a pack of biscuits from your secret stash.

You slowly walk into the living room with tea and biscuits in hand, where you see him lying on the sofa, staring aimlessly at the tv.

"Hey," you say quietly, not wanting to startle him. "Thought you might want this," you smile, extending the mug towards him.

He takes it from you with a soft nod, sitting up, a wry smile lining his lips. "Cheers,"

"What you uh— what you watching?" you ask.

"I dunno," he lightly chuckles, searching for the controller. "rugby, I don't know— can't remember,"

"Mind if I join?" you sweetly ask, nodding to the space beside him.

"Go on," he softly grins.

You sit next to him, subtly scooting over, cuddling into his side as you drape a blanket over both of you. You look up at him, your features soft and understanding as you cup his cheek, angling his face to yours, bringing him back to you when you notice him divert from your gaze.

"Everything okay?" you ask, entangling your hand in his.

"Yeah," he nods, his words unconvincing.

"What's going on? You don't seem like yourself," you sweetly press, your thumb stroking over the back of his hand. "You can tell me,"

"I know," he softly sighs, glancing at the tv, trying to avoid your questioning. "Just—“ he starts, shaking his head. "We got updates for our mission in a couple weeks, and it's stressing me out. It's-- it ain't a good country, that's all. And it just—" he pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head as if to get rid of an uneasy thought. "I don't want something happening, you know," he exhales, kissing the crown of your head. "I don't want to leave you alone... if something happens," he frowns, hugging you tighter as if the action was to reassure him.

"Aw honey," you whisper, squeezing his hand. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? That couldn't have been an easy thing to keep to yourself," you softly smile, your eyebrows knitting together as you analyse him. You didn't want to lie or tell him what you thought he wanted to hear, so you didn't say anything else. You choose to snuggle into him, holding him close as if to comfort his thoughts. "Okay, here's an idea," you start, watching his eyes soften with intrigue. "We order a fuck tonne of food; pizza, pasta, noodles, kebab— whatever you want. And we invite Lem over, and we can just pig out on the sofa and— and watch shitty tv and drink beer? That sound good?" you smile.

A genuine grin creeps on his lips as he looks down at you on his chest. "I like it. Sounds good," he kisses your forehead, brushing a few strands of hair behind your ear. "Only if we can get curry. I've been fucking dying for one," chuckling.

Even though it was such a simple thing to say, you could tell he was starting to feel better about the situation.

"We can order as much curry as you want," you smile and reach up to kiss his cheek. "Anything you want."

taglist: @tangerinesgf @kpopgirlbtssvt @slasher-sequels-suck @earth-elemental18 @ashlynhasmanyhyperfixations @idontknowwhattohaveasmyuser @thewinterv @navs-bhat @ilovetangerinewithallmyheart @theredvelvetbitch @randomawesomeperson102 @lov3lypeaches7 @princess-pebbles-things @astermath @dynamitehacke @ugh09876554444 @boldlyimportantface @charmedkim @fruitlovertangerine @psiiconic @bubblezuku @sporadiccherryblossomfan @landryslove

#🧬#tangerine #tangerine x reader #tangerine bullet train #tangerine x you #tangerine fanfiction #tangerine imagine #tangerine fluff #tangerine blurb #tangerine fic #tangerine oneshot #tangerine comfort #tangerine x fem!reader

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foressfaction · 6 months

Text

:Ticci Toby:{A Rewrite}

WARNING:: This story contains EXTREMELY triggering topics such as Domestic/Child/Substance abuse, Death, harsh language, GORE and dissociation triggers.

This story mentions mental illnesses and disorders such as Depression, PTSD, ADHD, and Tourette's Syndrome.

!!TICS MAY BE TRIGGERING!!

Prologue

So it begins. The boy tugged on the skirt of a middle aged woman. She was his mom. Her hair was short, cut into a nice layered bob, though it had grown over time, it at one point was a pixie cut. She had diamond shaped ruby earrings on, in an attempt to look formal. Her name, it rolled off the tongue very smoothly, Connie Rogers.

"Why are there so many old people here?" The brunette boy asked. Connie's son, who's name also seemed pretty vague. Tobias Rogers.

The woman was quick to correct him, shushing him loudly while murmuring under her breath with a hint of embarrassment on her face. "Toby! Haha, I'm so sorry about him," she yearned off the stares she got from her son's odd choice of a question. And a rather rude one too. Toby had always been quite the weird kid. He said what was on his mind, whatever it was, and when he wanted to say it. Maybe the question would've been better at a funeral, or a grandma's birthday party. Do grandma's have birthday parties? Toby wouldn't know honestly. He never did meet his mom's mom. That's a funny way to put it.

The two were currently at a 'meet the teacher' day. Y'know, the day about a week before the first day of school. For Toby, he will be starting the 6th grade. To him, school has always been a joke. He barely passed 5th grade and was one point away from having to be stuck doing summer school. He had never been a people person either, especially with other kids his age.

"Are any of these people actually going to be important?" Toby asked, earning a glance from his mom. Her dark circles are more visible than ever.

"I'm sure they will be, look, that's your principal, you should probably go say hi, or....something. I have a lot of paperwork to fill out. Go have a look around, stretch your legs, we've been walking all day."

Toby made a spitting noise as if he thought that was one of the most boring things she could've said. He bared his braced teeth. Meet his principal? He didn't realize going to a different school would be so tiring. Toby eventually left her side, wandering out into the empty halls. Oh so that's why there was a big sign on the door that read 'staff only.' Not like that mattered to him, no one saw, no one had to know. Despite it being a day for his entire grade to be here, it was almost like the halls were abandoned. His mind was always a little trickster, it would make him believe something when that 'something' isn't in existence. Toby took some steps forward, then found himself walking further away from the chattering of the people from the room he was just in. His entire body felt cold, chills running up and down his broken nerves.

It was kind of eerie, not gonna lie. The only thing Toby could hear was the pitter patter on his own shoes, the same old shoes he's had for years. Honestly surprised the souls haven't torn off yet. The boy found himself turning multiple corners and met with endless hallways of lockers. He's never seen a locker before. There were thousands of them, atleast, that's what his mind was showing him. 'Did I take my medicine?' was the first thing he thought to himself as he continued down these narrow halls. He was over thinking the reason why his mom shooed him away, probably because he was a distraction, or knew he needed one. As uncanny as this felt, Toby found himself quite occupied. He had started counting the lockers, every one of them, and remembered the exact number of lockers on the 8th hallway.

That's suddenly when he saw that one part of the hallway's lights were off. It was right smack in the middle of the hallway, so why did those lights not work? Toby grew curious so he started to inch towards the area. That's when he noticed they weren't just off, but flickering a little.

He knew this feeling a little too well. That feeling of being watched, judged. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. He felt the air grow thick around him, as if gross, slimy water had just been poured onto him, soaking him to the heavy weight of being drenched. This of course actually didn't happen, but it felt like it did.

Toby turned around quickly, hearing something behind him, then again in front of him. He thought he was going to give himself whiplash from all of the darting of his head. Nothing was there though, nothing of sight, atleast. When Toby looked back to the hallway where the lights were supposedly off, he noticed they were working now. This caught him a little off guard, but as he looked closer, he could see that even further down than before, lights were off.

It was leading him further down the hallway?

Toby shook his head. "No that's not real." He whispered. "That's not r-real," he once again whispered with a little more voice. He felt that if the longer he looked, the more that feeling of tightness would increase.

Toby turned his back to the suffering lights, inching his way back to the room he was in not too long ago, with his mom. He turned the corner, only to nearly run into the frantic woman. "There you are, goodness, I thought you left this building." She spoke in a rather worried tone, taking his hand into hers, her rings were cold against his fingers. "You're really warm, are you okay? Are you sweating?"

Toby looked at her quickly, confusion sweeping him. "Am i?" He asked out while taking his free arm and wiping his forehead. Behold, bits of what felt like condensation rubbed off his skin. "Well we can forget meeting your teachers, I have your schedule here. I don't want you overheating again in all those layers, you know you can't feel temperatures to an extreme, you know this." She slightly scolded. Toby was just confused. He didn't feel too hot, he didn't know he was sweating. He does struggle with a certain disorder where he could technically place his hand on a lit stove and not feel a thing, despite his flesh melting off and severely damaging his hand. If anything it would just feel warm.

It was sad to be reminded he wasn't like the other normal kids in his grade, and certainly wasn't looking forward to another year of the constant reminders either. "I will be more aware next time." He stated, tone sounding a bit degraded.

It wasn't long before the two brunettes were on their way home. Toby was gazing out of the window, sitting in the backseat with his legs pulled up into a hug. The ride was silent, but his mom had never been too talkative after the last few months. Things weren't too good at home. Though he was going to go to a different school, they still lived in this dump of a house. Denver was a nice city, but in winters it was hard to stay warm, and in summers it was hard to stay cool. The house overall just about had it.

And the family knew that.

Toby finally broke the silence as the car hit a few road bumps. "There's exactly 286 lockers in the school." There was a moment of silence, but when he expected an answer there was nothing. "Mom?" He called out, not moving from his position but did lean his head over to try to peek into the rear view mirror that hung on the roof of the car.

He could see makeup running down her face, hands clenched onto the steering wheel tightly. If he listened closely, he could hear sniffling.

Toby knew better than to barge into questions but this time he knew the answer. He would have the same reason to cry, but lately he hadn't been able to feel much emotion at all. He, again, only saw life as a joke, nothing was real, no matter how hard he pushed away the reality. A 20 minute drive full of sniffles and awkward silence finally ended as the brown Subaru pulled into the cracked driveway to an old two story house.

The thing looked as if it was gonna fall in at any given moment. On the inside it was pretty big, still had carpet though it was old and stained, very stained.

A couple of whistles left Toby, followed by a few uncomfortable popping sounds from his neck. He had something called Tourette's Syndrome which caused the boy to jerk and tic uncontrollably. It was very uncomfortable for both him and those having to witness it. If he wasn't careful, he could accidentally hit someone, or himself. Which he does occasionally. Toby stepped out of the car to see the man standing on the porch, cigarette in hand. Seemed like he didn't see them pull into the driveway. Toby knew he did.

Toby noticed his mom left the folder of his school rules and other stuff in the car on the dashboard. He opened the door to reach in and grab it, his hand slipping with a slight tic, accidentally honking the horn, making the woman jump.

"Fuck- sorry, fuck! Sorry!" The boy jumped to coo out as he held the folder up. "Got it-"

Toby quickly closed the door to head inside, hearing the man spur something up. "Fuckin' boy." He muttered in a southern accent.

Toby paid no mind as it was something he was used to, rushing into the house and sitting the folder onto the counter, opening it and looking at all the papers. "Oh there were 287 lockers..I was off by one." He had his finger on where it stated the fact. He didn't understand why he was so fixated on the locker count. Gave him a distraction probably.

Toby moved the papers just enough to peer at his schedule, something he didn't have at his old school. "Wait mom? Why did you sign me up for public classes?"

The folder was snagged away from his hands, probably giving him a paper cut. "Stop complainin' and suck it up, it's about time you learn with other kids." The man scolded. Toby could see the vein popping from his forehead. The same shaggy blond buzz cut blanketed the man's head. His dad; he carried a name that would make anyone grimace just hearing it, Jacob Rogers. "Dad!" Toby tried to take the folder back but that only earned him a smack on the hand with the rather hard plastic outsides of the yellow folder.

Toby glared slightly as he took a deep breath.

The brunette woman strolled in, setting her bag down on the small island counter as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Look, Toby, I tried to suggest special education, but they said that it was time for you to get to know your grade better, plus wouldn't it be great to hang around people who...Actually respond when you talk to them?" She spoke out, slightly raising her voice.

"But they were nice to me," Toby added, narrowing his eyebrows, taking glances at the folder in his dad's hands. "Can i atleast see it closer? Again?" He eyed the man after asking.

"Your sister takes public classes, so can you. It's time we stop babying you, you're 13 years old for fucks sake. Act like it."

"Jacob!" Connie shouted with an offended tone. She knew the man was an asshole but she usually tried to defend her kid's opinions. Their marriage hadn't been the best lately, especially after her husband started to waste their money and abuse alcoholic substances. Speaking of which, the blonde man held a dark green bottle in his hand that wasn't clinging to Toby's school information.

The second Toby noticed that his mom saw the bottle, he knew they were about to bicker.

He just didn't want to be in the middle of that, excusing himself from where he took a seat.

Toby disappeared upstairs to one of the rooms he called his own. It wasn't much, just a carpeted floor, a dark blue rug with matching bed sheets. Completely unintentional. His shelves consisted of vintage toys he never touched, books, a lamp, and other nick nacks. He only ever kept one thing out, a stuffed cow. Why? He honestly grew an attachment to it. The poor thing was ripped up in many places, had patches on the stomach and left side of the head. It looked derpy as hell but he loved it to death.

Sometimes though when he holds it, he can't help but remember the time he 'played tug-o-war' with his dad who eventually ripped the head completely off while trying to take it from him. His only reason was because 'he was too old.' No one is too old for a comfort item.

Toby crawled onto the bed and took the cow plush into his hands and stared down at it. He gently gnawed at the inside of his cheek, a habit he developed a while ago. "Today isn't the best day, Mr. Cowbells, will you make it better? At least until Lyra gets home.." He hugged the stuffie to his chest and stared down at his sheets. It wasn't long before what he assumed would happen started up. He heard their loud voices downstairs. He knew it wasn't going to be too long until he heard thrashes and door slams.

It was like this all day, everyday.

All day, everyday.

••••••I

#creepypasta #slenderverse #foressfaction #ticci toby #toby rogers #ticci toby creepypasta #ticcitobyrewrite #creepypastarewrite #fanfiction

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cherryc1nnam0n · 7 months

Text

Coffee for your head | Eddie Munson x FEM!Reader

Summary: Eddie is in his death bed... He has so much to say...

Cw: Major angst warning!! Major character death, sad topics, illness, death bed, agonizing, little smut

Writer's note: This is based off Death Bed by Powfu. I was listening to it when coming home from work, and I wanted to write it as Eddie and you

Don't stay away for too long, don't go to bed

I'll make a cup of coffee for your head

It'll get you up and going out of bed

"I'm sorry, you don't have long enough... Maybe, 4 months"

That was the moment their lives changed

Only at age 25 Eddie Munson has been diagnosed with lung cancer, terminal, there was nothing the doctors could do to safe him

"Eddie... No..." You had whispered grabbing his hand

A lonely tear had left his eye without him noticing, he just let out an anguished breath

Yeah, I don't wanna fall asleep, I don't wanna pass away

I been thinking of our future, 'cause I'll never see those days

I don't know why this has happened, but I probably deserve it

I tried to do my best, but you know that I'm not perfect

"I would recommend enjoying the last moments you have together, do the things you love, eat what you like, just, make good memories in the mean time"

The couple had gone home in silence, quiet sobs being heard from her as she held his hand during the ride home

They had moved together 3 years ago, making a small apartment their safe home, but now it had became all moody and sad

It was no lie that Eddie smoked a lot, since he was a teen, but his cancer had been too aggressive and it was taking him out really fast

"What am I gonna do without you Eddie?" You said sobbing into his chest as he held you close to him

"Live..." You cried even harder

"I can't live without you Eddie, you're my whole life"

I been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health

When I leave this Earth, hoping you'll find someone else

'Cause, yeah, we still young, there's so much we haven't done

Getting married, start a family, watch your husband with his son

That night he tried to calm you down my making love to you, slow and tender, with lots of love in each move he made, his kisses filled with sorrow and pain, he knew he didn't have long to do this so he had to enjoy the moments he had you

During the days his health went downhill, he couldn't move a lot, his breathing would be different during the night, you prayed every night to whoever was out there to save him but they never seemed to answer back

Soon he had to use oxygen to breath properly, moving out of the bed was too much work as time went on

"It's almost time for me to go baby..." He had said to you one day

You had cried onto his chest, begging him not to leave you

I wish it could be me, but I won't make it out this bed

I hope I go to Heaven, so I see you once again

My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings

Happy you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending

"I love you so much Y/n..."

"I love you too Eddie"

"You'll find someone else baby, someone who will love you so much" you shook your head

"I only want you, you're my only love"

He caressed your cheek

I'm happy that you here with me, I'm sorry if I tear up

When me and you were younger, you would always make me cheer up

Taking goofy videos and walking through the park

You would jump into my arms every time you heard a bark

"Remember that day at the fair? When you got lost and I found you near the fountain?" You nodded "I'll find you again in another life baby"

Cuddle in your sheets, sing me sound asleep

And sneak out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03

Sundays, went to church, on Mondays, watched a movie

Soon you'll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me

"You can go Eddie... Rest my love" you had finally accepted what was to come

"I love you..."

"I love you too..."

With one final smile he closed his eyes and finally left this world...

Don't stay away for too long, don't go to bed

I'll make a cup of coffee for your head

It'll get you up and going out of bed

#eddie munson #eddie munson/reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie x you #eddie munson smut #boyfriend eddie munson #eddie munson x chubby reader #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie munson x pregnant!reader #eddie x reader #eddie x gn!reader #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x y/n #eddie x me #death bed #eddie smut

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missusmiller · 1 year

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Ignore this if you want and thank you for the hard work: Can I have a Scenario or one shot with Neteyam and fem S/O who is human but is sick, they are close friends and S/O always writes poems and songs for him, S/O has a heart disease that's why they are creating an Avatar for her, she loves to sing but she never sang again since she knew her heart and since she stayed on Pandora. But once she gets her Avatar body finally she can run, get rid of chest pains, fatigue, and the fear of dying and finally can sing again.

yayo // n.s x human -> na’vi reader

contains: lots of mentions of dying, heart disease, chronic illness stuff, soul transfer scene, fluff, shitty writing, drinking and being drunk, being in love with eywa cuz shes awesome

notes: this is not proofread at all my bad. also yayo means bird in na’vi cuz reader sings and birds sing so yeah aw so cute.

2.5k words

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was thirteen years old, roughhousing with Neteyam and his younger siblings on the forest floor. We were having endless amounts of childish fun until I collapsed onto the dirt in a fit of breathless wails. Pain filled my chest as my heart eventually stopped beating. Neteyam carried me back in a panic to the lab where I was taken to get medical attention. I was thirteen when they told me I had valvular heart disease. I was thirteen when my life changed forever.

When I was diagnosed five years ago, Norm wasted no time to make sure I got an avatar. That avatar was my escape from the decaying prison I call my body. It felt like forever until he allowed me to drive it and when I did I was still restricted from doing most things. My heartbeat in my avatar body translates through the link so if I went too hard, my human heart would suffer. My avatar just temporarily stopped me from feeling the constant aches and pain.

Everyday my human body was only getting weaker and the topic of my death seemed to come up a lot more often in hushed conversations between the scientists. I could see the pity in everyone’s eyes as I walked around the lab. The pitiful looks towards me put a bitter taste in my mouth.

The only things that kept me from rotting in my bed for days on end were music, my poems, and my loved ones. Neteyam visited on a regular basis, often with his siblings or parents.

On the days that it was just Neteyam, he got the opportunity to see songs and poems I wrote. I’d hum the melody, not having enough courage or energy to sing fully. Those days usually ended with me ripping out his favorite song or poem of the day from my journal and gifting it to him. The loss of paper was worth seeing the thankful smile on his face every time. Throughout the years of our friendship, he never seemed to have a clue that my more romantic writings were about him.

Speaking of Neteyam, his obnoxiously cute accent echoed through my room as he entered and announced himself, “Y/N, your favorite friend has arrived!”

“Yes, you are my favorite friend, Nete. Always will be until my demise pretty soon.” I said with a small, careful laugh. Everything I did these days had to be done with caution.

Although what I said wasn’t meant to be taken in a depressing manner, I didn’t miss the look of pity and sadness that swam in Neteyam’s big yellow eyes.

“Hey man, don’t be like that. It’ll be okay, Nete.” I lied, motioning for him to come over to my bed where I laid. Since he was entirely too big to fit on my bed he settled on the floor next to me. I reached out to pet his hair like I usually do to comfort him but his large hand gently stopped my hand from going any further.

“You are dying yet you still try to comfort me? Think about yourself for once, Y/N. You are the one that needs comfort.” Neteyam lectures me, a stern face meeting my sight. Ironic how he is the one saying this considering his history.

A sigh left my mouth and I rolled onto my back to stare at anything but his intimidating eyes. He wasn’t wrong. I’ve been making sure everyone else was okay with my situation without even making sure that I was okay with my situation.

When I turned back around and looked at him again, it was like I could feel the imaginary concrete dam of numbness break down. What followed was the flooding of all those emotions and throughts that were kept at bay. I have always despised the way that Neteyam could break my walls down so easily.

“You’re right. I’m not ready to die, I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared.” My voice cracked embarrassingly at the word ‘die’ but neither me nor Neteyam cared in the moment.

“You will not die,” He paused for a moment to confirm what he was about to say, “because Eywa can bless you like she did with my father when he was human. I prayed to Eywa for permission and she gave me a sign. My parents approve, Y/N. But only if you wish to do this.”

My eyes widened and I shot up from my bed, tumbling onto the floor which earned me a hiss of concern from my friend. Out of pure excitement and disbelief, I quickly sat up on my knees and grabbed his face to place many fast happy kisses all over it.

Immediately after my loving attack on his face, he had to take a few breaths from his specialized mask. I didn’t pay much attention to it, not knowing his breathlessness had been due to my actions.

“I—I didn’t know you’d be this excited.” He managed to choke out as a purple hue spread throughout his cheeks and ears.

“Nete, you are giving me a way to not only live longer but a way to live with the people I love. I can be with you, Kiri, Lo’ak, and Tuk without any of us having to wear masks. I can sing again. Like truly actually sing again.”

A large grin stretched across Neteyam’s face upon my realization. He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t miss my voice. I used to sing him Earthly lullabies and songs in our youth before my heart became weak. Even though we were young, he would always tell me that I was going to be a strong singer much like his mother and Ninat.

The rest of the night we joked, hugged, and messed around. He even sang the same song to me that I used to sing to him as kids. The act alone made my heart felt like it was going to burst but in a good way not like the usual heart attack painful way.

Eclipse soon came and Neteyam had to leave to attend to his duties —future Olo’eyktan stuff and all that. We kept in contact for days after to prepare me for my soul transferring ceremony.

When the day arrived, I was both nervous and excited. There was always a risk that I could be too weak to make it through the eye of Eywa. But if I were to die I’d rather die and be with Eywa than anywhere else.

The scenery was absolutely beautiful. Tons of Na’vi sat in rows, their bonds connected to the ground as they chanted a prayer. The ground lit up with bioluminescent blue lights, the tree a beautiful pinkish purple.

Mo’at stood at the tree, awaiting me.

Neteyam carried my leaf covered body through the aisle and he gave me a calming smile to ease my nerves. Eywa gave him a sign so he had absolutely no worries about this.

He followed Mo’at’s instructions to place me diagonally to where my na’vi body lay. “See you on the other side, yayo.” Neteyam said before stepping off to the side to allow the tsahik to do her thing.

The rest of the process was unknown to me because after Mo’at started chanting, my consciousness began to float up and out of my body. All physical restraints were broken as this spirit form danced freely.

A breathtakingly beautiful woman came into my vision. She looked like nothing I had ever seen before. Her energy made me feel warm, like no harm could ever come to me.

“Oh child, such a pure spirit you are.”

If I had a physical form at the moment I’d cry in her arms. I felt so vulnerable. So much so that I couldn’t talk but she knew what I had to say. She felt so loving, I didn’t want to leave.

“You cannot stay, child. He needs you.”

“He needs you.”

As if on cue, my spirit was sucked from the high place back down to life. I shot up in shocked surprise. Everything was fuzzy and I lost any remembrance of where I was.

A pair of strong arms held my panicked body close to theirs and they stroked my hair until I calmed. The ringing in my ears soon became sharp, clear sounds. Sounds of my name being whispered. Sounds of the rain lightly falling. Sounds of leaves brushing against one another.

“That’s it, that’s it. Come back to me.” A voice that I’ve known to always warm my heart spoke. The result on my heart was as previously stated.

Everything came back to me.

I wasted no time to shout tearful praise for Eywa and the clan started ululating as a response of joy.

Neteyam couldn’t help the tears that left his eyes. I was finally safe. I was finally okay.

“Now we celebrate!” Jake Sully yells like one of his war speeches and the clan roared before they started leaving to regroup somewhere—I assumed.

I felt something behind me swish in excitement. I look and my face lit up. A tail. A really adorable cute tail.

“Get her some clothes and meet us at the party!” Kiri laughed to Neteyam and the Sully family left quickly.

My heart dropped at the realization that I was in fact fully naked, “OH MY GOD IM BOOTYBUTT NAKED!”

Neteyam’s laugh boomed through the forest and the sound only added to the fast paced beating in my chest.

“You are Na’vi now! It does not matter! Come on, I already have an outfit planned for you. You’ll love it.” He took my hand and excitedly dragged me along to wherever he had my clothes. We reached his home which was empty considering the surrounding Na’vi were down celebrating the latest gift from Eywa, my rebirth.

Neteyam took some pieces of fabric from a box and tossed them over to me. I unraveled them and blinked in confusion.

“How do I put these strings on?”

After instruction, trial, and error, I finally got the loincloth and top on.

Looking in the mirror that I gifted Neteyam a few months ago, I inspected this outfit that he had so much confidence that I’d like.

The top was made of colorful woven thread and fabric, almost like crochet, and it splayed on my body like a necklace but tied in the back. It provided enough coverage for me to feel comfortable while also feeling supportive since my body was built a bit differently than normal Na’vi women. The loincloth was a pretty purple color, probably made of the same material as Neytiri’s leggings, and it only covered the front part. But I didn’t mind because when I turned around in the mirror, my ass looked good.

“Your past human vanity will rot your mind.” Neteyam joked as he watched me pose so that I could look at my nice blue ass.

After his little remark I stopped posing and stuck my tongue out at him before stating, “You ain’t gotta be human to recognize sexy. Now let’s go have fun.”

As we ran down branches without a care in the world I finally for once felt truly happy. I did not have to care about my heart failing or me suddenly collapsing on the ground. No, now I was really living. Neteyam noticed the change in my attitude and it sent a flutter to his heart.

When we arrived at the party the energy was electric. Everyone was drinking, eating, and dancing. Laughter filled the air around us. After two hours of fucking around, I was definitely getting slightly drunk.

When a group of Na’vi started singing a song that I recognized Kiri teaching me, I did not hesitate to let my voice out for the first time in years.

Happiness radiated through my body. It was almost like a visible aura surrounding me as I sung.

When the songs were over, Jake stood up and started speaking which silenced the room, “I would like to make a speech about dear Y/N here.”

The smell of alcohol filled my nose when he spoke.

He gripped my shoulder in a very dad-like manner and continued, “I have watched her grow from a young girl to a strong woman with a brave heart. She has been a friend to the Sully family for many years. My children do not know of a life without Y/N. Today, I proudly claim Y/N as a Sully! As a sister to my children.”

I wanted to melt into the floor. Sister? I think I would rather kill myself. I appreciate his enthusiasm and I love the guy but come on man. I had to set things straight immediately.

“Sir! Sir! No, I can’t accept it!” I blurt out, causing flabbergasted looks from the entire Sully family and the rest of the clan.

In a drunken stupor I quickly attempted to explain myself, “I want to be a Sully and want to be a part of this family but not like this. I don’t think I could mentally handle being the sister to the man I love.” During my explanation I held my sight on Neteyam.

His wide eyes softened when he realized what I meant. My name softly left his lips like I would shatter if he said it normally. All I could do was fiddle nervously with my top while waiting for a reaction, any reaction.

“I love you too.” He shamelessly stated before he stole me from his father’s grasp and held me once again to his body. His hands were dug into my hair and waist as if I would fly away. Our tails whipped madly behind us which caused Neytiri to swoon over how in love we looked.

Lo’ak, Kiri, and Tuk who were off to the side eating dessert were now freaking out over the scene unfolding in front of them. Neytiri had to shush the three of them so that the lovely moment wasn’t ruined by their gossiping voices.

To Neytiri’s despair, Jake’s tipsy laugh echoed through the area as he said, “Well, you heard the woman! She’s a future Sully!”

The clan woo’d and chuckled and carried on with partying, the topic of choice of Na’vi girl conversations now being that Neteyam is unfortunately spoken for.

“I didn’t exactly plan on telling you this way or this…publicly.” I said while swaying with my newly acclaimed lover to the music.

Neteyam gazed into my eyes, “I quite enjoyed it, my love. Now everyone knows that you’re mine and I am yours.”

His new nickname gave me goosebumps. The complete bliss I was feeling had to be fake. This all had to be fake.

But when Neteyam took my face in his hands and kissed me so passionately, so lovingly, it brought me back to reality. He was truly mine now.

That night I was given a place amongst the Omaticaya.

A place amongst the Sully’s.

A place with the one I loved where I sang him to sleep with the same lullabies from what seemed like forever ago.

#fanfic #reader insert #avatar #neteyam x reader #fluff #writing #neteyam fluff #neteyam sully #neteyam #avatar way of water #avatar wow #atwow spoilers #awow #awow x reader

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youronlybean · 2 months

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ChilledChaos Appreciation Post Essay :)

There’s a whole lot of negative things I can say about streamers and content creators in general, especially about YouTubers I myself used to watch and enjoy (I have since grown as a person and recognise that they are, whilst not inherently terrible people, unfunny and uncool). However, I prefer to spread positivity wherever I can, so here’s my ChilledChaos appreciation essay.

From watching Chilled’s YouTube content from back in the day to watching his streams for over three years now, he’s one of the best around in my sincere opinion. Whilst things have changed since the early YT days, it’s clear that Chilled remains timeless and just a genuinely good guy. He’s mature and fair, compassionate and understanding, funny and charismatic (despite the ‘sociallyawkward’ tag on his stream lol) and above all else, he has an incredible innate social awareness.

Chilled, outside of being cunning, deceptive and Evil with a capital E for the laughs (CTC: Can’t Trust Chilled!), is at heart a genuinely very empathetic person. For good reason Chilled hosts many of the lobbies in PR1. He makes sure that his players are having fun, constantly checks in on them to make sure his settings are fair and fun for everyone, and will always change a rule if most people agree that it isn’t fun for them. He takes criticism very well and recognises that his players aren’t being critical of him as a person at all when they ask him to change one of his rules. They respect his decisions as much as he respects their opinions, which is incredibly important when playing long-term with a group of people, especially since they all have valued friendship.

He can recognise when things are too loud or chaotic (the occasional stream mute is very refreshing for neurodivergent ears) or when people just aren’t having fun. He recognises when a game is more fun when it’s played frequently and when it’s more of a twice a year kind of game, for both the players’ sake and the audience. He also does his best to make sure everyone gets to play the game as much as possible and protects those who have died early a lot in a session or tries to make a game go quickly if there’s a lot of people dead and waiting.

(I remember when the green shield mechanic was first introduced for Town of Us, Chilled didn’t want to use it because then people wouldn’t learn. He began to use it I think when he realised that the game itself is very unpredictable, and people can’t always pay attention to everything, especially when they’re trying to stream at the same time.)

Chilled also remains true to his morals. He doesn’t do “edgy” jokes (I think everyone knows what I mean by “edgy”), and has consistently put his foot down when topics that definitely should be taken very seriously were joked about. He does this whilst also recognising that there wasn’t harmful intent behind the jokes but that they still shouldn’t be made. The good thing about it is once he tells them to stop joking about something, it is never joked about again (this doesn’t happen often at all but when it does I know I can count on Chilled to be a voice of reason). He doesn’t bring the vibe down when doing so either, simply tells them to stop, they stop and apologise, and everyone moves on. I know this has got to be hard to do on a livestream, especially in front of an audience of thousands and for your job. It’s got to be a lot of pressure. He’s professional about it and takes into account that people make mistakes sometimes and that doesn’t make them bad people. He’s also not afraid to stand up to his friends if they are the ones to blame, but also recognises if he’s in the wrong.

(One particular occasion comes to mind a lot from about a year ago: I won’t go into detail but Chilled was absolutely right, the joke was not funny despite no ill intentions towards anyone, and no joke on that topic has been made since on any PR1 stream I’ve seen. People aren’t perfect, but they can recognise they made a mistake and they did because Chilled took a stance and helped them recognise that it was a bad joke, and was able to criticise his friends without damaging any relationships or respect for each other.)

Chilled also very clearly values his online friendships. He definitely knows how to pick his friends by the people he consistently surrounds himself with and has even maintained some of those friendships for over a decade (Junk, Ze, Tom, Tay, etc.). He’s not afraid to introduce new people into his circle and has great chemistry with just about anyone he talks to. He’s great for matching a chaotic energy or a relaxed one, and is able to keep up a cheerful mood or a good vibe when things are looking rough. He doesn’t take bumps in the road to heart and knows when a bit or joke or even a game has run its course. He has moments outside of his persona when he shows genuine concern and compassion for his friends and even if he talks shit he’ll always admit that he is fond of someone, even if it’s not to their face.

(Here I think of Vikram, and how it’s clear that they are good friends even if Chilled gives him a lot of shit - Vikram does ask for it too though, lol. If Vik is missing from a TOS lobby it’s just not the same without him, a sentiment Chilled has often expressed. He always very sincerely mentions that he hopes his friend is okay if he is suddenly MIA - and this also applies to all other PR1 members)

Chilled is also just insanely funny. It’s obvious to just about anyone that he deserves the large audience he has, as he is a skilled entertainer and knows how to make someone laugh. I mean, what’s funnier than growing a moustache out of pure spite? He worries about balancing so much because he wants everyone to have a fair chance at winning because he knows that losing over, and over, and over again just isn’t fun. He’s very genuinely smart and can admit when he’s wrong, he’s often the first to deduce that someone else is lying (takes one to know one!) and very logically driven (spontaneity is his Achilles heel, best examples being Ze, Vik, Chibi and Side, all of which are either comedically impulsive or refuse to adhere to logic). The fact that he is very in-touch with others emotionally and intellectually (whether he realises it or not) makes him very good at a myriad of things - mystery-solving, game-balancing, entertaining, and literally any of the other things I’ve already said about him and in my excited live-blogging.

(Something I notice just as a general observation about PR1 vs. some content creators I used to watch is that there’s a lack of rage in PR1. Personally I think this is a huge improvement and it’s way more entertaining to watch people having genuine fun and for grown adults to not take losses as failures and not get pissy and rage quit when things aren’t going their way. And the lack of rage-induced slurs thrown around is… well, refreshing, to say the least. - more on this in another post, probably)

Anyway, in conclusion, Chilled is awesome and I have copious amounts of respect for him (even if he is addicted to Yu-Gi-Oh! and doesn’t have gutters lmao)

#oh so I can write a parasocial gush essay about my streamer but can’t write a single sentence of school work? figures.#I could go on for hours. this is draft 2 and I think it’s comprehensible now. hopefully #anyway. there is a reason Chilled has a big audience and it’s this #chilledchaos #private recording 1

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salted-caramel-tea · 3 months

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Are you fully removing yourself from dtblr now?

i’ve made a post with a brief summary of my thoughts and feelings right now but ur not the only person to ask so ill make another . the short answer is not really . long answer under the cut. we’re actually getting into my whole mental breakdown as well so tw for graphic desc of sa

i just need some time to figure things out . i know i sound like a broken record saying it but sa is not an easy topic to deal with for me personally . im aware that the situation was somewhat blown out of proportion and it doesn’t actually compare to the genuine coercion and force i experienced but the past few days have been heavy .

a lot of it is because of the frequency, i am so happy that people have been comfort so enough to come forward about their experiences but there has been a complete lack of nuance regarding all of these situations it’s been very reactionary and coming online seeing never ending untagged borderline graphic descriptions of sexual assault or rape affects me physically . it’s been 3 years and i still experience physical symptoms after being triggered . my ears start ringing, i get dizzy and out of breath and nauseous and i cry . bc i remember how terrible i felt . and nuts something that still affects my relationships to this day.

one thing about it is that i can really sympathise with caiti . our cases are different, i verbally and physically refused physical advances from my abuser but after it happened i found myself trying to justify it because I invited him to watch a movie with me I didn’t push him away enough and someone was interested in me!! at least someone was interested in me . and it’s why i have a hard time regarding the ‘regret’ comments . because i don’t know that if people knew my story they’d say i was just regretting being intimate with him and stating that because i now felt violated after regretting the experience it didn’t mean i was violated on the night . i don’t think my abuser knows what he did to me . but it doesn’t change the fact that he forced me into that situation . i also want to say i don’t really consider touching someone’s waist sexual assault . it can be a form of unwanted physical contact that makes you uncomfortable but the act unfollowed by any sexual contact is not sexual assault . i do believe her feelings are real however and i can sympathise with that delayed fear and discomfort .

this is not an isolated incident as i’m sure we are all aware . for as long as dtblr has been around there have been controversies of sex crime. a lot of them have been faked, we all remember the period of 2021-22 where there was a new burner account every week accusing a member of the dteam of sa until bbh threatened legal action against one of them . and then there was the drituation . although these were faked, they contained extremely triggering details of grooming and assault. i needed time away then too . i’ve said this through every drummy ache but nothing is worth our physical and mental suffering. there is no creator no person that i would allow myself to suffer for .

the internet is reactionary. people will say things and blow things out of proportion to further their moral activity even if it means deliberately spreading triggering misinformation as a punch in the gut to make people agree . i’m not talking about the victims right now but rather the reactions from fans . over the past few weeks we’ve seen allegations of varying degrees aligned in badness with one another when that simply isn’t the case . sensationalising trauma is the new in thing and it prevents private conversations where there should be some and it’s encouraged by fans online so they can get a fix of their daily drama .and i understand it’s because it’s involving large creators and people want to spread awareness of their behaviour but the line has to be drawn somewhere between what should be public and private matters and there has been a mix of both in the past few weeks .

this need to ‘take down’ someone as opposed to discussing matters in a private setting to come to an understanding of the events without the influence of the public has created a spectacle of sexual assault. anything that is mildly uncomfortable or inappropriate is being labelled as on par with sexual abuse or rape which is not the case at all and it’s creating environments that are actively harmful to survivors by having their traumas brought up where it isn’t necessary or equating people who have made mistakes or bad decisions to their abusers .

this is something that has been ongoing since 2020 and will continue to happen with varying degrees of validity behind these comments and its up to us as viewers to decide what’s real and fake depending on the evidence before us but we don’t know what’s been taken out of context what’s been fabricated what’s straight up slander vs what is real admissions of harmful behaviour and its exhausting to wade through . it might seem selfish that i’m kind of saying i don’t want to know about other peoples sa experiences but i dont . i don’t want to have to wade through pages upon pages of details or hours upon hours of proof to accuse or debunk someone of a topic that physically affects me .

i’ve already said i’m not becoming an anti i hold no serious denouncement of the dteam at all but i need to consider fandom dynamics and if i am willing to deal with these accusations over and over again because we all know it’s not going away . dream had people ADMIT they faked his grooming allegations and it’s still held against him . george did make someone uncomfortable and it’s not up to me to dictate caitis feelings on that but george’s perspective does put into play a perspective of body language that is being weaponised to jump to sa rather than bad communication and awareness of the situation . it’s a lot . and i need time to get myself into a better headspace and figure out if im willing to be involve in further reference of these events .

and also fuck quackity bc ppl are using the past few days to say oh quackity is the only good one left as if he’s not literally being monitored by international labour unions

im adding on a few things . i am uncomfortable with the way some people have been making light of the whole situations here . there’s borderline (fully) misogynistic posts flying around that are being shared as jokes and memes but it really diminishes the weight of some of the situations at hand and as well as the very real women discussing their situations . im not calling anyone out bc this is has been shared all over my dash so its clear that this is just a preference of mine that i personally find discomforting but i hate the way it makes me feel seeing posts relating abuse of women to homosexuality even though it is in a joking manner it just made me really uncomfortable .

im also tired of the words abuse and assault being thrown around without grounded evidence. there has been no sexual situations as far as we are aware . there has been no sexual contact as far as we are aware . there needs to be distinctions between what is discomfort or creepy and what is exploitation or abuse . i’ve been around lots of creepy guys but only one has sexually assaulted me . throwing words around without any substance behind them diminishes the value of the word until people see it as just another insult . by insinuating touching someone’s waist, although uncomfortable to caiti where she was unsure how to address she did not want that to happen, is a form of sexual assault it creates a form of radicalism of sexual abuse where it becomes is every uncomfortable touch a sex crime? no it’s not. it’s going to trivialise what it means to have been assaulted and being invalidation to victims from wider audiences with lines like ‘let me guess a guy touched your shoulder and you screamed assault’ . we are already blamed for what happened to us and to further trivialise it by mislabelling your discomfort and bad experiences as abusive or exploitative it’s providing a potential fan to those flames . and that’s why i say although i believe caiti is valid in the way she feels that her discomfort and delayed trauma is valid i do not believe she was a victim of a sex crime but rather she was in a position where she was made uncomfortable by a creepy older guy .

im also just so fucking tired to logging on to sex scandals of the dream team where everyone was 18+ and no sex occurred because at that point it’s just digging up anything you can to prove someone else’s hypothesis to be semi reality .

george did fuck up . he made a very young woman uncomfortable and should have prioritised reaching out to her to apologise for her discomfort and subsequent emotional weight instead of an extremely defensive take that, yes, can provide further situation but ultimately comes off as a take disregarding of the very real feelings that caiti was experiencing in order to prove people wrong . he is allowed to defend himself but the emotional impact on caiti should have been a lot better acknowledged . i just wanted to make sure that people were aware that despite the fact i do not think george is a sexual predator and that it is a phrase being extremely abused by the internet, i do believe he did something wrong in this situation .

this whole thing is messy and complicated and exhausting and punz needs to shut the fuck up nobody cares

#tw sa mention #tw sa

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an-obsessed-cactus · 2 months

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I think i may be asexual?!

(okay this got longer than expected and i wanted to stop talking cuz ppl won't read it if it's so long and then i realized I'm not here to please anybody and i just wanna process some stuff so. yeah. also i come to realizations farther down that contradict some stuff from the beginning but I'll just leave my whole thought process here)

fun. um. I've realized I'm not straight two years ago and then started learning more about all things LGBT related and think myself educated enough on this topic but.

I've been pondering my sexuality and gender identity again more in recent days and. today i randomly stumbled across a yt video where the author (are you an author on yt? my brain is glitching rn)(also the 'author' in question is @jaidenanimationsofficial wonderful videos love the animation and the humor) talks about being aroace. few hours pass, my stomach hurts like hell so i go to lay down and sleep a bit, wake up and have a realization.

i googled again what asexuality is and read some more on this. i did this before and i guess i didn't see myself in it? so i kinda crossed it off the list of possible identities. i guess because i do want to have sex. i think. I'm not opposed to it and i get horny lmao. but that's only with fictional characters and works? like i just think: that was very sexy of you. but in a platonic way?! sex doesn't cross my mind. (also can you get aroused by music? or a good written work? or movie? like not even the characters but the work itself?) sorry i dunno I'm confused.

anyway i got a bit off track. what i wanted to say was that i suddenly remembered a convo i had with my sister a while ago where we talked about what is the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship. and she said it's that u wanna have sex with them and i was like ... i don't really think that's it...

and like. i get crushes i think. but I've never experienced this want to have sex with a particular person at least that i could remember. like a want to have sex? i guess yeah i mean not rlly sth i think about much but it's not unprecedented(see: i get horny)

honestly I'm not even sure anymore if im not aromantic as well. cuz queerplatonic sounds more like my jam?

like i felt(feel?) like omnisexual described me well because i think I'd be attracted to who the person is at their core. what if ur straight as a girl, date a boy, and then it turns out he's trans? i dunno i feel like gender isn't this fixed thing which then kinda creates problems when labeling urself with a certain sexuality. aaaa people came irl and i lost my train of thought. um. i feel like labeling myself anything other than omnisexual would feel limiting. even if i never developed a crush on a girl for example (i did), i still feel like i could potentially. like there's nothing stopping me. why shouldn't I?

OKAY SO

that was written yesterday. it is now today and i have a whole lot of new thoughts and realizations.

I had a bit of a marathon with @jaidenanimationsofficial videos and i came across an older one she mentioned in the previous one i watched about being aroace(ik it's a mess) about how she couldn't understand why when romantic feelings are not mutual people don't just continue being friends. and i was like EXACTLY WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?! and um. ahem. do u really see it as a problem? I guess if everyone does. but I'm starting to seriously consider if I'm aroace as well which woah there. this happened in a span of a day and I'm not sure it's real and it doesn't feel real? some time will have to pass for me to check out this theory cuz. ppl often say they felt like there was sth wrong with them and then they discovered these terms and were like aHA that's it! that explains everything! and I didn't... have that? and I'm not sure to what extent i identify with aroace because reasons(ill talk about some of it below). and I'm not saying that not having this realization moment or not feeling like sth is wrong with me through my life devalidates my orientation and stuff but it makes me doubt i guess?

i also came to an important discovery that aroused and horny are not the same. who would have thought?! I said above i get horny but apparently being horny means to want to have sex. and i just get the physical part aka arousal. fun. someone help pls im so confused.

okay for the last part(which prolly won't be the last part but one can hope right?)

i said i realized i wasn't straight two years ago. that was when i realized i like my best friend as more than i friend. well it wasn't exactly that simple. tbh i think Lucifer(the series i am NOT a satanist) helped a lot with that? like i knew about some lgbt stuff before because I'm alive on this planet but it kinda made me think about a lot of stuff, and between that stuff was my sexuality as well. idk. it's not like i had a crush on any of the female characters. just got me thinking for some reason. like why is having sex with people you're not romantically involved with wrong? why is prostitution wrong if u enjoy it and get money for it and it's well managed and secure? but that's beside the point.

well anyway I didn't know what i felt towards my bff(I'll say bff cuz bf also stands for boyfriend so it feels weird) but it felt like more than friendship. didn't feel like sth romantic tho. then i discovered queerplatonic relationships exist and i was like i think that's it! and then new school year came i saw her again and doubts flared up. again there was never i wanna have sex with her, but there was an occasional i wanna kiss her. and she was so important to me so it has to be romantic love right?! romance is the highest form of love one can experience afterall! nothing whatsoever can compare to it!! it feels ✨magical✨ when you find you will finally be completed!!! anyways.

it felt like romantic love was the only thing that could justify me feeling this way. i won't go deeper into this because i already have a draft where i do(i have like 16 drafts with uncompleted rambles so...) I'll try to post it but. i told her and we're still good friends! it actually made me closer to the rest of my friend group(which i was only a part of on the paper before)(i was so focused on my bff before I didn't really do group) because i felt a bit distanced from her for a while(she's a people pleaser like me and even tho i think i can read her well im paranoid and i thought she may feel weird?). anyways i got close with 3 other amazing ppl in the meantime and my friendship with my bff hasn't suffered!

but between my feelings being kinda realized and me telling her a whole year has passed and in the end i wasn't even sure what i was feeling anymore just that i didn't want her not to know. idk.

now im wondering what it was. even back then half year pre confession i was thinking if it was just because someone was finally paying attention to me. i didn't really do friends before (i kinda had them but there were no deep convos or shared secrets) and then there was suddenly this person who genuinely enjoys spending time with me! and listens to my problems! and weird obsessions! this sounds kinda sad put like this ngl lmao. but this was the first time I had that deep connection with someone. two years in my confused feelings came. geez i got off track again. point is i thought i was straight up until then and then had a crisis cuz i thought i only liked her cuz she was giving me attention cuz i was straight goddamit! ANYWAYS.

this post has lost all direction. it is a frustrated ramble of a very confused person. let us continue

i will just sum up how i feel about genders and people because I'm a chronic oversharer. oops doops.

men: find them aesthetically pleasing, all celebrity crushes are in this category (there's only one really but if i found a celebrity attractive like not objectively but to me it was a man), i would also get kinda crushes on boys my age when i spent 5 minutes with them. don't ask. i think it's dopamine mining(i suspect i have adhd). im not used to male company and i kinda don't like it that much but the the ?butterflies? are still there. tbh i don't really know what to do with men. doesn't stop me from having crushes tho. i don't have any real desire to be in a romantic relationship with men. i don't exclude the possibility but i haven't found one i would want it with. i also don't know now to interact with them. let alone flirt. actually flirt in general. it feels like it would be cringe and belongs in bad movies.

women: freaking amazing!! love them! no celebrity crushes, one irl crush which might have moved beyond crush(i suspected the L word for a while) to friends or it might have never been a crush in the first place! help! now there's another friend outside of my friend group who i may like. or i just enjoy her company? im not used to this yet. i forgot i think im aroace. this is killing me.

nonbinary/other genders: I haven't met any yet. there are some on discord servers im a part of but I don't really interact much just lurk there. i think irl experience would be different anyway.

someone please explain sth to me. you have sexual attraction okay get that(not really but that's not the point). but then there's romantic attraction. how do you separate that from friendship? just this intense feelings of wanting to be with them at all times? okay myb myb let's say u can separate them from friendship. what about queerplatonic? guys??

i am starting to dislike labels. this is confusing.

also i gotta figure this romantic thing out cuz im writing a fantasy series and there's romance involved lol.

okay so i guess i am at least asexual cuz i don't see ppl and go 'i wanna have sex with them'. i am not yet thoroughly convinced im aromantic as well but we'll see about that ig. because i still don't understand what the difference between romance and deep friendship is. aghhh

although if i can't tell the difference myb that answers the question.

also how does someone who is asexual but romantically attracted to all genders label themselves? like omnisexual ig doesn't work cuz it omnisexual.

i went to google aromantic and.

"demiromantic people have romantic attraction only after forming an emotional bond with another person."

HOW ELSE DO YOU HAVE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION??? Isn't this about who the person is?! Do you just see them and go: oh this must be such a good person. what?

like i understand sexual attraction when you see someone ig. but romantic? i really need someone to explain this to me in depth. i haven't even been asking the right questions.

"Quoiromantic people can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic attractions." Welp i guess i have a new label i can stick on myself. also the name is killing me. (quoi=what in french💀)

(edit: well this thing just posted itself. I DIDN'T HIT POST WTF. but it's out there now. ig it had enough of me adding new and new thoughts. im inclined to agree)

#lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbtq community #queer #queerplatonic #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aromantism #asexuality #omnisexual

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dailymanners · 9 months

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Be mindful of everyone around you (don’t stress others)

This is perhaps the most important thing: to remember to be mindful of everyone around you. I’m pretty sure you don’t like to be disturbed by other people waiting in line next to you, so why should it be ok for you to bother others?

When thinking about taking an action while waiting in a queue, first think about this: with my action by other people around me? If the answer is positive, then you might want to consider not doing that thing that you were planning on doing.

For instance, if you were thinking of listening to music out loud played on your smartphone because that will relax you or it will entertain you while waiting, ask yourself if everyone around you would like to hear that music. And before you say “yes, of course! Who doesn’t want to be entertained and spend some time listening to music while waiting in line?”, think about this: could someone be ill? Could someone have a headache? Could other people want to talk? Could other people have different music preferences and be bothered by yours? If you answer “yes” at least one time to the above questions, then you should definitely not be listening to music out loud while waiting in line.

And this is just a simple example, because there are numerous things that you could do while waiting in line that could actually interfere with the well-being of the other people in that particular queue.

Don’t talk too loud

You didn’t miss certain that not everyone will be interested in what you have to say especially if you will be speaking in a language that they may not understand or if it is something personal. Besides, it’s never fun and pleasant to hear someone speaking loudly. So why should you do it?

Please don’t talk too loud while waiting in line.

If there are a few offices open, but only one waiting line, respect the order

Sometimes there are a few offices open but only one line. I saw that to some fast-food restaurants, in some supermarkets and even at some pharmacies. But I saw people who just wanted to skip the line and ignored the queue and just go to one of these open registers and be the first there.

That is really disrespectful of other people waiting in the same line. Try to avoid doing that. If there are a few offices open, but only one waiting line, respect the order.

Don’t start negative conversations critiquing stuff

Another thing you’d want to avoid while waiting in line is to start negative conversations. If you are thinking of just starting to talk about how waiting in line is awful, who’s to blame for this line, how awful the politicians are or any other topic that involves critiquing someone or a particular thing, then you should think twice.

Such a conversation triggers aggressive feelings and no one would actually enjoy that. Or maybe you would find one two people sharing your view but, in the end, you will all become more and more upset, you’ll be angrier, negative and you won’t be able to enjoy the experience.

Don’t cut the line

No one wants to wait in long lines. But if there is a line you should respect it. Don’t try to cut the line just because you are not in the mood to wait. It’s not polite.

Be polite

When asking for information or just trying to engage with other people waiting in line, always remember to be polite. It’s not just using the words locals use or respecting the local culture because you don’t know from which country the people next to you are from, it’s just that it is the way to go. Being polite will help you get help from people and interact with others. It will make you out I’m waiting in line more pleasant.

#manners #politeness #courtesy #good manners #etiquette

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littleguyconnor · 5 months

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I’ve started over on this painting like 4 times already and I want to take a a break. I am going to do a character study of Medic because he’s the one I feel people get the most wrong. (I’ll try and be as factual as possible but my own interpretation of him will be in there too, it’s inevitable, yadda yadda)

Let’s start with his hunting his old team with the classic mercs, since that’s when we’re first reunited with him.

It was not done out of betrayal.

I want to reference a piece of dialogue that I think showcases his entire mindset about it very well. When Classic Heavy asks if hunting down his old team will be a problem, Medic replies by saying “A chance to test my latest triumphs against my earliest experiments? No, that won’t be a problem at all.”

Look at the phrasing of that. There isn’t a single hint of malice or ill intent in it. His earliest experiments. His teammates that he’s spent years building up, improving, trying everything he knows and doesn’t to make them the best mercenaries he can. Against his latest triumphs. He wants to see how far he can take his practice, if all his work can hold up against something he knows is strong. It’s like how engineering students stand on their bridges to make sure it holds. Sure, it might break, but now they, Medic in this case, know what to improve on. Is it a very literal and playing-with-life kind of method? Yes. But that’s all it is. There isn’t any underlying reasoning, he thinks very literally and does things the same way. We also know this is true because he says it himself when Sniper confronts him about it, explaining that he was genuinely happy to see them and that his facial expression just came across differently to Sniper. Now, another thing I want to talk about on this topic is why he joined the Classic team in the first place. In the same panel I referred to last time there’s a very specific phrasing CHeavy uses that I want to highlight.

“I swear to god, if you put a single uterus in my men…”

Medic was never considered part of the team, and he knows this. He actually uses this to advantage. He’s an impermanent addition, and thus inconsequential. He’s using them as guinea pigs and that is what’s done out of malice. He’s being mistreated and obviously not considered anything of worth, so he’s going to retaliate in a very Medic fashion. This man is not a pushover, and of everything, I want to get that across the most.

Medic is extremely strong, both physically and mentally. He’s able to hold out for a considerable amount of time against CHeavy throwing him around. The thing that ends up killing him is a cheap shot from a gun. He’s also witty enough to outsmart Satan himself. (I don’t think there’s really anything else to say on that one.) This man is so intelligent and knows when people are using him from the second they start, and he plays along with it. He doesn’t even necessarily act dumb either. It’s just that he’s so eccentric and personable that people mistake him as someone easily to manipulate and end up getting ripped apart from the inside.

Branching off from this point: Medic is a genuinely kind person. He’s just weird. And I mean that in the most professional way possible. His intentions are good and done out of a passion for medicine, curiosity, and respect for his team. There’s a reason he spends so much time improving them. Part of it is just the morbid curiosity and the satisfaction that comes from fulfilling that, but it’s also because he wants his team to win. He wants them to be the best versions of themselves, literally. His odd and eccentric demeanor just makes his actions come out a little morbid and frightening. But he loves people. And he cares. Above all, remember, he’s a doctor. And it’s a doctor’s job to help people.

Now onto his relationship with Heavy. What I’m going to be talking about with this leans a little more on the head canon side, but I don’t think it’s too far off from what could actually be canon.

Whether they’re friends, lovers or something else isn’t relevant. Regardless of what they are, they have an incredibly strong bond built on solid foundations. Respect is the main one.

Medic’s teammates seem to have a strange disregard for him. It’s the same treatment they give Pyro, although there’s less infantilization and more flippant-ness. I don’t think it’s done out of meanness, more just so that he’s outwardly really freakish and open about experimenting on them with dubious ethics. They care about him, he’s a vital part of the team, it’s just.. less enthusiastic. But with Heavy, that dynamic changes completely. Heavy respects him so much, and likes him genuinely enough to see past the thing everyone else gets hung up on. And it’s because Medic is the only one he’s met that is capable of outsmarting bullets. Heavy respects Medics genuine intelligence and skill, and because Heavy is extremely smart too, they get along really well. And Medic cares so much for Heavy. I think that as a child, he grew up very estranged and “othered” for his interests and awkward social skills. There haven’t been many people in his life who are willing to get close to him, or really, let him get close to them. And there’s a kind of refuge he takes in Heavy for that. A mutual understanding and care for each other.

And yes, Medic is an awkward person! Just not in the sense that people typically are, and I think that is such an important part of his character. He isn’t good at expressing empathy in a socially acceptable way as I’ve discussed previously, is overly literal, blunt, and genuinely a little oblivious sometimes to the tone of the conversation or of his own words. And instead of trying to resolve that, he’s just stopped caring about it all together because he knows he can be himself. It’s why his job with the Classic Mercs failed. They wanted him to be something he’s not, and Medic wasn’t going to tolerate that kind of treatment!

#team fortress two #team fortress #tf2 #medic tf2 #tf2 medic #character analysis #long post #i talk a lot. I’m so serious when I put that tag

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lestatslestits · 6 months

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Day 3 of TOTA Takeover, dedicated to Eddie McKenna. He’s such a perfect avatar for the overarching theme of the show: the fine line between being seen as “mad” or “sane” by society, and he brilliantly subverts so many uncomfortable tropes in which characters have to spend their whole arcs learning to treat mentally ill people like human beings.

As a note: I am not Scottish, or even British, and my familiarity with Scottish English as a dialect is passing. I’ve tried very hard to do my research regarding word choice and phrasing, as well as trying to synthesize the show’s dialogue style as effectively as possible. I hope it comes across alright.

Warning: this ficlet contains brief references to suicide, as well as ableism/some ableist language.

“You really mean what you said earlier?” Eddie Mckenna asks in the half-second silence where Campbell pauses for breath for the first time in what feels like twenty minutes. He’s expounding on some bizarre theory about musical genres that Eddie doesn’t quite follow, but that’s either brilliance or lunacy. Or maybe it’s both. Probably it’s both.

“Mean what?” The kid looks half-stunned at being interrupted, as if the question has jarred him out of a trance of some kind.

“That I’m not a patient, but I ought to be.” He keeps his tone purposefully light, but it’s hard not to over-analyze the statement. Sure, he likes the occupants of St. Jude’s well enough, but he’s not sure how to take the statement that he ought to be one.

“Oh, aye!” Campbell’s expression changes to a familiar thousand-watt grin, and his head bobs on his slender shoulders.

“Right, thanks for that.”

“I didnae say it was a bad thing. Non-loonies are boring, but not Ready Eddie Mckenna!” He says the name with such a flourish, waving his hands as though conducting a silent orchestra, that it manages to make Eddie crack a grin in spite of himself.

“Still, it’s no what everyone wants to be told, Campbell.”

“And why not? History’s greats were all loonies!”

“Not all—”

“Ernest Hemingway.”

“Aye—”

“Sylvia Plath—”

“Aye, but—“

Warming to his topic now, the lad crows, “Vincent Van Gogh!”

“Campbell, all of those people topped themselves.”

“Well,” he says as if it’s a minor quibble, “alright, but you’ve got to admit they’re remembered.”

“For topping themselves.”

“Look, I’m no saying to top yourself, just saying that loonies have got home team advantage when it comes to self-expression and making ourselves heard.”

“So you’re calling me a loony for wanting to be a DJ?”

“I’m calling you a loony for selling double-glazing when you’ve got what it takes to be a brilliant DJ!”

“What, insanity?”

“Exactly!” Campbell punches the air in triumph.

“Only clearly I’m no a loony, because I’m no a patient.” He knows it is the wrong thing to say as soon as he says it, but at least when Campbell’s eyebrows arch upwards, it’s in amusement and not offense.

“You’ve met Stuart and you still think all loonies are inside?” He asks, giggling at his own joke. “Apparently I was a loony before I got banged up here, and for certain I’ll be one by the time they decide to let me go. You’re just as mad as me, Eddie.” It’s said with genuine appreciation for the craft of being a stark raving lunatic.

“And you told me once that Nana was as sane as you.” Eddie doesn’t like to think of Nana too much. He still sees her about town, huddled under overhangs, drinking vodka or whiskey to keep warm. He always tries to give her whatever extra cash he’s got in his pockets (never much), and he’s tracked down an English to Latvian dictionary, but it’s slow going.

“Well, she is. She’s just as sane as me and you’re just as loony.”

“That disnae make any sense.”

“I haven’t got to make sense, Eddie. I’m off my head.”

On the topic of madness, Campbell’s been wearing a Cheshire Cat grin throughout the whole conversation, and it makes it impossible for Eddie to tell if he’s joking. He has the uncomfortable feeling that he isn’t. He has the uncomfortable feeling that while he may not be right, he isn’t wrong, either. The lad seems to read his thoughts.

“For what it’s worth, Eddie: I like you as a loony.”

And, because it’s one thing he does know for certain: “I like you too, Campbell.”

#takin over the asylum #TOTA takeover #tota #eddie mckenna #campbell bain #tota fanfic #takin’ over the asylum

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