#im incredibly inconsistent with everything i do and i hate it

[calzonekestis]

Hi! Can you educate me on who is terrorizing bi women over ships? I havent seen anything about that since im not active on twitter.

Oh. Oh God, I wish that was me. Ok, strap in. I’m using the small font and everything - and this is still a long one.

But sure. Grace Van Dien and Amybeth McNulty are two actresses who played new characters in the fourth season of Stranger Things. Both of them are bisexual. Amybeth came out on twitter a while ago, whereas Grace made it publicly known on a twitch stream when asked if she supported the lgbt+ community.

I’m less aware of the crap that Amybeth has been getting, but from what I know it mostly involves just people being dismissive of her character (who is also bisexual) in favor of shipping her character’s canon romantic interest (Robin) with Nancy - who while people can headcanon as they want, has only been shown up to this point to be straight.

The hate that Grace has been getting though, is just. Legitimately insane. She played Chrissy, and because she enjoyed the budding dynamic she had with Eddie and has like retweeted fan art or shared it to her IG stories - there’s a sect of fandom that acts like she’s Creepy and Obsessed with the actor who plays Eddie.

She’s not. She’s literally his friend.

Also, said actor, Joseph Quinn, is arguably an even bigger shipper than she is. He’s just not online (his ig is managed by a friend) and he’s also not a woman. Like, I’ll just be real - that’s why he hasn’t gotten the blowback she has.

There’s a very large sect of Steve/Eddie shippers (and I know it’s not all of them, but it’s a vocal sect… and also a lot of Joseph’s fans I’m general) who are just. Awful towards her. Not even about her character, but about her, as a person - who they don’t even know.

They make really gross claims - like that endorsing Eddie/Chrissy the ship she was endorsing p*dophilia. Nevermind the fact that the characters were in middle school together, have like a max age difference of 2 years - and their own ages and birthdays are inconsistent within the show’s own canon.

Eddie was implied to have repeated his senior year twice. This would make him about 19/20. His missing poster lists his age as 17.

Chrissy’s initial casting notice and Grace’s audition notes list Chrissy as being 18 years old. She’s a senior, graduating class of 86. So when she and Eddie weee in middle school, she would have been Grade 6 when he was Grade 8. If he’s 19/20, she’s 17/18. A school record that was seen in a single frame stated she was 17, and was killed before turning 18.

Again. The prop department makes mistakes. The Duffers make mistakes, and especially in regards to birthdays. They forgot Will’s canon birthday as it was previously mentioned and no one acknowledged it all despite an episode explicitly taking place on that date.

The p*do claims have also been thrown about towards fans because they draw Chrissy as being Smol in their fan art, and, yeah, there’s a reason for that. The character has an eating disorder. Grace came forward today actually (whilst talking about things mentioned below) and confessed that she herself had dealt with one in her youth.

So that’s just. Incredibly shitty. Telling petite women who either are either struggling/have struggled with that experience that they look like little girls, and that only people who fetishize that could find them attractive.

Then just. So many of these people project their own obsession with Joseph Quinn onto Grace for some reason? I guess because they’re jealous she knows him and is friends with him? She, he, and the actor who played Jason were lil trio offset while during filming. He’s called her a brilliant actress and a lovely person, but apparently they think she’s a stalker that they need to protect this grown ass man from.

Some people went back 10 years in his friend’s Facebook photos to find pictures of him as a teenager - and make them their avatars. These same people claimed that Grace is like a stalker. The other day they claimed intentionally mirroring his look in a selfie, because she was wearing the very totally unique white t-shirt and jeans combo. And Joe wore a white shirt and jeans to a con some weeks ago. And Bruce Springsteen wore it on the cover to Born to Run. And he did that because it’s like the most generic casual unassuming comfy outfit there is. But no, she is obsessed.

Like, I thought that was as pathetic as it could get - but no, it gets worse. Recently these people found an older tumblr account Grace found when she was in her teens. This was an account she used along with therapy to help herself cope during a very difficult time in her life.

These people doctored screenshots of old posts to make it seem as though she had said racist and ableist things. Thankfully, the Good side of fandom came along to help pull out receipts to debunk these as fake, and have sent all the fake screenshots who sent them along to her management who will probably involve lawyers if we’re being honest.

Thankfully.

All the while these specific shippers are like. Making themselves out to be some morally enlightened ones? That their ship is better because it’s a same sex ship? They’re progressive and care about representation, meanwhile if you ship the adorable metalhead cheerleader couple who are both legal, or would be if they weren’t dead, thus making this all a moot point…. but if you ship them… you’re a degenerate. Apparently.

It’s ok to have a same sex ship, by all means! Representation is important, I’m bisexual myself. People just need to learn to accept that someone is not homophobic because they don’t ship your fandom ship, or accept your headcanons as fact.

People are free to not like the Eddie/Chrissy ship - while also recognizing the characters canon importance to one another. You don’t have to make it out to be “problematic”, you can just say it’s not your thing.

You absolutely don’t have to attack an actress for just living her life. Yes, she likes the ship. Joe likes the ship too, he made the decision to play it as his character having a crush on hers - and apparently he improvised multiple flirty moments. He’s been saying in the press and at cons how much that character impacted his own, and how he wishes they had the chance to get together.

No one has said anything about him being creepy or obsessed. Or David Harbour, when he admitted to reading Jopper fanfic.

But they attack the women. The openly bisexual women. It’s Big Oofs from me.

There’s just a really nasty misogynistic element to it all that’s undeniable. And like, again. With Amybeth it’s mostly gross erasure, but with Grace it’s not only erasure of her character… who is fictional…

…but instead personal and slanderous attacks. On her, the real person. It’s being called a p*do enabler, people being gross about a trauma she shares with her character, and like. Calling her a stalker, when she’s not. She’s a professional, the man’s coworker, but she’s also his friend.

The most heinous thing to me is this latest attack. The hunting down a blog she had before she started acting. A blog she used to help her through her own trauma, and then violating the sanctity (for lack of a better term) of that safe space to make shitty photoshops so they can spread misinformation that she’s a terrible person who said terrible things.

Many of these shippers aren’t even part of the queer community themselves, they’re just a bunch of people who want to see two hot white dudes with good hair kiss. That doesn’t make them an ally, that makes them horny.

The cyber bullying, harassment, slander, forcing people to publicly address their personal and private trauma. Like, yes, I wouldn’t want to put words in her mouth - but even if she’s holding her head high they are absolutely intent on terrorizing her. Whether or not she feels terrorized, I think she even knows that’s the intent. It’s not an isolated incident, it’s been non stop attacks on her social media ever since the end of May when the fourth season dropped.

And Grace for her part has said that tumblr has been great, in spite of its hellsite nature. It’s mostly all on twitter. I’m not going to share the screenshots in question, Grace requested that people just delete them and not let them stay Out There after sending them to her to forward to her team. It’s just. Messed up is an understatement. Idk what if even is anymore.

TLDR the people being awful to these women are just the most Awful parts of the fandom.

#dracofxckingluciusmalfoy #grace van dien #amybeth mcnulty #chrissy cunningham #vickie stranger things #stranger things cast #pardon me for queuing this for the dead of night #I’m happy to answer but also low key hope to bury it bc iI am just Tired of it #and I know others must be as well #especially one blonde twitch streamer #cw ed mention

[vazelbeak]

Thoughts on season 2 episode 4

Okay this episode I feel has a lot worth nothing so im taking notes and transferring them into a post. Apologies if this posts messy this episode had a lot to touch upon.

Worldbuilding

-First lets touch upon world building. This episode presented things that were really inconsistent. Was Andre there go facilitate the divorce? He didn't have paperwork or anything and he didn't know about Striker. If that was why he was there was it some plot to trick Stolas into going somewhere she could kill him. Stolas doesn't appear to go many places or have a job what's stopping Striker from sneaking into his castle? I think this needed more research and set up. Does Stolas have too much security around his castle?

Maybe have Stella mention "apologies brother, I couldn't tell you about Stiker and risk Stolas catching onto my plan by you anticipating him showing up. It takes a lot to get him to go somewhere outside his castle without Blitz or Octavia."

- There is also Andre implies Goetia live forever if not incredibly long by saying "eternity". I think this somewhat contradicts Stolas's need to have an heir when its implied Stolas's family has a habit of dying young last I recalled. Wouldn't there be more urgency for them because the whole point of a precautionary heir was incase Stolas died? Eternity could apply to everyone else, but did they forget the whole point was Stolas might not live as long as everyone else? Or is it that Stolas is now in the clear and doesn't have to worry once Octavia hits 18?

-If goetia live so long what do you mean none have ever behaved this way before? Certainly someone has to. On top of that you would think then that Andre would have an arranged marriage to right?

-If Stolas dies and everything goes to Octaiva, but Stolas hates Stella so much he wouldn't willingly give her anything I would think logically the solution is if Octaiva is under 18 (or maybe 15 because people can get jobs at 16) and Stolas is dead that Stella would have that control until Octavia hits 18 years of age A Series of Unfortunate Events style. So does Stella want Stolas's power or just straight up hate him and want him miserable? Whats the point here? Her plan to get this should've been over the moment they divorced.

-If hellbies shots are things hellhounds need every year on the surface it would make sense it takes so long to book an appointment. However if hellhounds are lower class and seen as so not valuable presumably wouldnt many be too poor to afford one or have people who dont care to book appointments for their hellhounds making it somewhat easier to book one? On top of that if so many hell hounds need and get appointments wouldn't the doctors be more prepared to handle Loona being afraid she far from the strongest if her build tells us anything? In veterinarian clinics if your pets are too scared to have their teeth cleaned, claws trimmed, or bathed, its common practice to sedate them to minimize injury to the doctors and pets. Is it because sloth is the only place with this type of doctors office? Why? (Personally id say maybe make it Hellfever to sound like hayfever? But thats personal taste)

-Why did they try to inject Loona in the neck and then go for the butt? Its common in injecting dogs to my knowledge you do it in the scruff, but if injecting Loona in the butt is fine it brings to question why they tried to go for the neck when it seemed initially that area would've been more reasonable to begin with when she was first pinned.

-Why do hellhounds need a cone for a shot?

Now lets talk characters!

Moxxie

-Blitzø mentions they used to kill other demons and prior i mentioned with S2E3 it would potentially make sense if Moxxie had a problem killing other demons and not humans due to his mom and knowing humans die and go to hell so its not killing in his eyes, but he had no problem killing people in wrath. If they wanted it consistent they shouldve made a joke that Moxxie forgot about the guy he had the gas pump wrapped around the neck of and drove away unknowingly killing him, no explosion or have it a bit delayed so Moxxie doesnt connect the two and have him mention "Huh i feel like I'm forgetting something."

-Why are demons thinking Moxxie stole their hat? Or that hats are their thing? I think this would be funnier if they weren't wearing a hat and presumed Moxxie stole it somehow.

Blitzø

-Speaking of Blitzø I don't find him as funny as they want him to be. Him being mean to a kid would be funnier if the kid seemed intentionally a jerk and not played as a kid who doesn't know better and parrots what his mom is saying. Because of that it seems like any anger directed towards the kid should be towards the mom.

"Reeeeeally cant say that word anymore." You were cool with it until very recently Viv so this just sounds like trying to backpedal when people have been discussing your history of ablesim. It also looks bad that you were fine with him saying that but censoring him calling someone a cunt.

-Why is Stolas being able to be hurt new to Blitzø? This feels like it belonged sooner as episode 2 than Seeing Stars where Blitzø didnt care on part because of the terms they were last on and assumed Stolas was capable of helping himself only to be wrong. On top of that in Seeing Stars they introduced Stolas having limited abilities without his book so it feels like having Seeing Stars first would mean Blitzø should already have been introduced to the concept Stolas is not invincible.

Stolas

-Stolas seems painfully oblivious in this episode. Why didn't he recognize himself as in danger earlier? Striker had angelic rope and tried to shoot him. Wouldn't that indicate he's in danger before Blitzo couldn't arrive? Why didn't he try using his ability to turn people to stone before being captured? If he was scared I could see that maybe he didn't think of it in the moment but even then it doesn't make a lot if sense.

-if breaking Stolas's leg isn't that bad bc Blitzo's been rougher then i think the "harder" joke used by Moxxie would've fit better for Stolas to use than anything. Make it a joke akin to Klaus in umbrella academy where he's stabbed and starts moaning and itd ruining Strikers attempts to torture him so he has a painful drawn out death.

-Why does it matter if Blitzo doesnt say anything when Stolas told him he could visit? It feels like theyre bouncing back and fourth between whether S1E7 had any significance. Stolas was hitting on him in Seeing Stars are we sure this is supposed to come before that?

Striker

- This is the second time we've seen Striker and the disconnect between what he says and what the team says about him is massive. If Strikers talk of hating what the goetia took away from him was all talk to convince Blitzo to turn on Stolas, I didn't follow the logic but might be able to run with it if kept consistent. The fact Striker talks about it to Stolas too doesn't make sense unless true. If they wanted him to be a bigot and embody toxic masculinity it would make more sense if he hated Stolas for divorcing Stella because "that's not how you treat a lady".

-On top of that Stolas pointing out he works for Stella is pointing out their own inconsistencies in my eyes because it highlights that Striker is contradicting his presented motives. If for example it was for money Stolas saying this would insinuate Striker is a hypocrite for being swayed by money to work for a goetia. This would explain it by implying Stolas is trying to make Striker turn on Stella by implying he should go after someone who only cares for money. Im not sure if I'm making sense but they're not presenting a train if thought here.

- Why would he even care about Octavia when he wasn't paid to kill her.

Stella and Andre

- Adding incest feels like a cheap attempt to make Stella more cartoonishly evil to backpedal on Stolas being bad for cheating. It doesn't feel like a planned idea or as though it has significance beyond "ew Andre is attracted to her! Look how bad they are!" And Andre has no other real significance in the episode.

Overall lacks research, the plot doesn't feel like it progresses naturally. I don't see why Loona getting a shot needed its own separate plot outside of to justify Blitzø not being there and it feels like following Blitzø getting her vaccinated just lacked any substance beyond Vivs need to cut away from anything sincere to comedy.

If they wanted Loona to get vaccinated I feel like the better plot to give some significance to it would be Loona not wanting a Hellbies shot but after seeing how much she's hurting Blitzø to avoid it (to a point he gives up) she realizes she needs to try to do it for him because he did go through the effort to book this appointment and look out for her and when she does she either realizes its not that bad or at least has the sense to be remorseful for how she treated him.

I think I touched base with most things. If Viv wants to brag that her episodes were the most liked and throw the rest of her team under the bus she can have fun with that, however to me it looks like she's thrown out her own established character and world building details again and its disappointing.

[rosesfox]

To what that Anon said, beware im about to get some of similar complaints about ACOSF and Nesta’s growth too storm!

GOD I’m dreading Elain being ruined the way Nesta was for me too especially after how she developed her in ACOSF. Nesta being a warrior can fit any cold female character sure but a character who hasn’t gotten off her ass in the longest suddenly becoming this warrior, joining the blood rite, not having enough scenes with her sisters specifically Feyre and not getting a more in depth apology (Amren’s ass who didn’t even consider Nesta a friend and disrespected her like shit on a boot got a heartfelt apology from Nesta. ON HER MF KNEES. the hell did she do to deserve a better apology than Feyre, was saving her life supposed to replace proper apology dialogue? I guess so 🥴) suddenly knowing archery and it just made her look worse for doing nothing so what was it added to her for and after this long of no one mentioning she could do that? not even believably written, calling Elain a dog, suddenly being passionate about dancing, there being more smut than any Cassian growth or how it overshadowed the plot and proper relationship growth, disrespecting the honor of how and who joins and wins the Blood rite when with the Bat boys it was acclaimed to be so incredibly difficult and they just..won it with hiding “using logic that the men don’t” and magic bracelet manipulation by the queen as a cop out to give them Illyrian titles. I think she made Nesta’s friendship seem YA af too, they acted like middle schoolers in an…adult book. “let’s read smut hehehe” like what series am I reading? A bubble bath and baby Pegasus? Am I reading Percy Jackson or adult fantasy? Too many plot holes, retconning and just poor decisions that she apparently seems oblivious and careless about. Was the editor asleep and just let her write what she wanted to? Apparently yall 😵‍💫

I adore Elain and am worried I won’t like her growth or the way SJM writes her part of book…I’m expecting the same amount of girl bossing and smut as Nesta had no matter what we’ve known Elain to be like. I’m not saying she can’t be freaky but having her do too much does NOT fit her more modest personality. Because I know damn well she’ll write Az incredibly sexual probably even more so than his brothers considering his masterbaiting to even just a gift from Elain, MEDICINE for christs sake. Him being known to have secret lovers and SJM’s bestfriend hyping SJM up for super freaky Az? It’s going to be nasty in their book and let’s hope it makes sense and isn’t overdone like Nessian was and overshadowed proper growth and plot smh. Elain seems super secretive and I hope she doesn’t upset anyone and we have drama in the fandom over her.

All in all, SJM wrote a book I’ve never read so many inconsistencies or flaws in so yeah, I’m nervous that I’ll dislike Elain too. Feyre had the best damn trilogy and growth and I so badly want to love Elains but she seems to be writing worse now, even CC2 had a lot of cringe things, the oversexualization of Bryce and people claiming she’s meant to be a Queen when her maturity and communication and selflessness is barely there..

I went off 🥲 I’m sorry admin but so many people complain about this that imagine how cringe she can write Elain. I don’t even want to see her become a High Lady of Dusk like everyone so badly wants because…hy the hell would my girl become that? What has any other sister besides Feyre done to deserve their own court aside from being a Lady? I love Elain and can say that if she becomes a High Lady I will sell my book and only claim Feyre and leave fandom. This isn’t hate for Elain! that quick ass growth to a High Lady just makes no damn sense. Bring dusk back to life possibly that’d be exciting, heal it bring it back to life sure or do something to the prison but please SJM don’t make her a damn High Lady. That’s it..

i agree with everything you said. i hate it when they make acosf look like a decent book or as if nesta is sarah's most developed character when there are all these inconsistencies and sarah has managed to make the relationship between the sisters even worse.

all your concerns about elain are perfectly understandable. i'm also afraid that sarah's going to make a cheap, disgusting porn like she did in acosf, and that she'll ruin azriel like she did cassian. when we compare it with acosf, it's really scary. i hope she stays true to the personalities of both azriel and elain, as they both exude romanticism and affection and not just sexual energy (since, come on, nessian doesn't have the slightest romantic involvement and there's only sex in the book.)

i also find the oversexualization that sarah has with the characters disgusting and unnecessary. It's not empowering, it's just embarrassing. bryce definitely wasn't fit to be queen and it's not even the kind of development she's had. also, i don't think elain will become a high lady because that theory doesn't make sense and doesn't fit anywhere. helion is more alive than ever and i find it very difficult sarah to kill him for nothing.

my theory is that elain will discover herself as a seer, she will have to interact with azriel and do quests for night court while she makes her own decisions. i want to remain confident that sarah will respect the characters she has created and developed over the years and that it won't change everything.

#pro elain archeron #pro elriel #elain archeron #feyre archeron #anti nesta archeron #anti nessian #anti acosf #bryce quinlan #acotar5

[wrecking]

i’m gonna put my splat 3 thoughts under the cut because i have so many

overall:

i need to be able to play this game more right fucking now

i’m obsessed with everyone continuing to squidbag despite the visuals for it not being as satisfying

the plaza is SO fucking huge and i love it

i’m in love with the ghosts despite not being huge on them in the direct

the lobby, menus, everything is so much faster and it’s so subtle it feels so right

i really like the new visual effects for everything even if it’s gonna take me to adjust from 2- it all feels a lot more punchy and satisfying

the only thing i am not 100% comfortable on yet is holding A for lobby stuff because i am just not used to holding A while i do firing range stuff

i ended the fest at 690k clout so like i really won regardless of the results.  i didn’t try pro mode at all tho, i only did fest with friends today (#teamscissors)

i didn’t really use the new movement tech at all but that’s probably just because i’m so new to this.  i didn’t use charge hold in 2′s testfires either but it is now my default charger activity so like i think they’ll click with me in time

i think overall there aren’t any weapons that i think are truly like Bad or have shitty kits, i’m glad everything feels like it has options this time even if it gets walled by some of the more obnoxious combinations.  even things like ink mine at least feel more threatening than they did in 2

tri-color turf war splatfest thing is so much fun and so chaotic!!  i really like the way the map accommodates the other 2 spawns and i think it’s a fun balancing challenge, they did really good so far i think, each round felt so different

i hate that there’s only 1 tri-color map for the full rotation, and i will say i was kinda hurting for a third map in rotation at all times, but i can deal with 2 i guess.

weapons:

splatana is my beloved evil child!!  which is a total shock because tbh it was the thing i was least hype for.  its almost rhythmic-like vertical swipe is fun to learn and stringing together combos of directs to get a ton of quick kills is satisfying.  also its kit is INCREDIBLY well put together

stringer was wonky imo but i’ve seen a lot of people really like it.  i think i’m missing something about how it plays but maybe it’ll make more sense when the full game’s out and i’ve had some time to mess with it more

on the matter of the 2 above, they’re both a lot more inconsistent and not as immediate as the other mains, which is fine but it is a bit jarring, they remind me most of like.  the brellas from 2 in that they don’t quite click immediately with everyone in the same way a lot of the other weapons do.  high skill ceilings but also higher skill floors i guess

tacticooler is the devil and nzap has once again become my worst enemy.  we got spawncamped by a team of 4 nzaps within the first 2 hours.  this game never changes

while im on tacticooler, dapple dualies is still a thing!  it has beakon AND tacticooler!  im prepared to never get to see middle again.  they arent even in the demo and im scared

the other big cunt weapon i saw was basically every single person playing splat roller was out on a mission to jumpscare people and i hated it because its still as inconsistent hitbox-wise as it is in 2 so its just like a nightmare to encounter i think

also overall it feels like you build special and gain points INSANELY quickly in this game, i was often at 200p basically before i even left spawn plat and it was always a little shocking.  maybe it’s just me forgetting how this game works tho LMAO

honestly the weapon picks overall were really good, but i do wish they had picked one of every sub and special in the game, like i would’ve liked to see tenta missles and ink storm here but :/

OH i forgot to say: zipcaster is fucking weird and i don’t like it so far, crab tank is a bit slow for my taste and i think it’s a bit hit or miss, triple inkstrike is my best friend even if it’s only on weapons i dislike, reefslider feels a lot better to play than it looked in the direct, and inkjet is so weird now but i’m not arguing with it.  oh also booyah bomb is so visually satisfying now and ultra stamp is as fragile as ever, if not even more fragile than before, which kills me.

writing this at the very end -- i keep forgetting i wanted to talk about the other returning mains: hydra splatling is a force to be reckoned with now and it makes me so afraid of sloshing machine to follow in its tracks, .52 gal is just as much of a cunt as ever but at least it can’t really be that evil with such a passive kit, dynamo roller can be a total cunt -- as someone who played it and played against it being evil both ways, e-liter is so satisfying in this game and even if its kit leaves it vulnerable still -- it feels more prepared to handle things than its 2 counterpart, slosher feels different in a good way, tri slosher is still the absolute devil and i’m terrified of seeing what people do with it in the full game, dark tetra dualies are still my children and are pretty much entirely unchanged, and tenta brella feels beefier but it also feels exactly the same

maps:

overall i think these maps feel fucking HUGE and it’s strange because when you look at some of them, they’re rather straightforward and small, but they feel really large here and idk why (particularly speaking of mahi mahi resort and eeltail alley here)

museum d’alfonsino is so much fucking better and i love it now.  it losing its verticality and being made a lot better to navigate turned it from a clunkfest into something i actually enjoy exploring.  also the fact i can fully enter spawn on it is so funny to me like did they intend that...

mahi mahi resort is ...so different?  i don’t dislike it but, it doesn’t quite work the way i thought it would, or the way i want it to.  it reminds me of goby arena from 2 now, in the sense that it has like One way in and One way out and if those are blocked, fuck you i guess.  i’m interested to see how this one plays in ranked

i really love undertow spillway after fearing it might be a clunky mess from the previews.  mincemeat metalworks is also a lot of fun!

tbh overall all the new maps feel very different from splatoon 2 but they all feel really good to play on, there isn’t a single one of them that i dislike playing on atm

i’m mad we didn’t get to see the other 6 maps but i get why.  i wish we got to see makomart tho >:(

full game stuff / post-launch content wishes:

the fact it looks like there’s only gonna be two salmon run maps at launch is pathetic, like please at least bring back one from splat 2 and make it three like the game??  there also better be more later, and more frequently than splat 2′s too.  i hope the mystery rotations also return bc i love them in 2

the lack of new weapons at launch + the lack of variants actually makes this game feel a bit lesser than splat 2 at launch, but i think that’ll even as early as season 2 in december.  i hope we continue seeing a fuckton of new weapons for every class because on top of the two new classes having at most two weapons per class right now (which is way under the standard 5 per class that should be followed strictly tbh, give us more brushes and brellas) -- splat 2 had clash blaster, flingza roller, and goo tuber at launch + squeezer not long after, which this game lacks for now (but will get later)

the maps i really want to see back as of now are like: bluefin depot, moray towers, humpback pump track, snapper canal, and shellendorf institute.  the only map i don’t want to return is camp triggerfish but that’s because i fucking despise it

#d #what if i talked about splatoon in depth. bc im insane #beware this is long <3 #s

[904sites]

hi, i feel kind of bad asking for this but can i please get some nice asks? it can be about my art or just silly things you may like; ive been feeling a lot more self conscious and low about myself lately and i feel like it’s consuming... me? that sounds so edgy ww

tldr; send nice asks if you can

#like. it’s at the point where i just want to give up on doing my art and i don’t see a reason to continue sharing it anywhere #i work so hard just to barely get attention and even though i shouldnt be drawing purely for popularity. it still hurts when you work - #really hard on something just for it to go unseen yknow? #idk. maybe my stuff isn’t good enough. idk why im typing this like people actually care #im incredibly inconsistent with everything i do and i hate it

[wheelsup]

the taming of the shrew | two

if i be waspish, best beware my sting

after some setbacks, penelope is willing to do anything to get you back on board. but has spencer already ruined things?

A/N: hello! im so sorry that this posting schedule is super inconsistent. the more i thought about this chapter, the less i liked the more technical aspects of it. but! i hope you enjoy to plot aspect of it nonetheless <3 thanks for reading!

category: fluff, slow burn series, spencer reid x fem!reader

wc: 4.4k

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Since that phone call with Penelope, she’d been over nearly every night for a week with plates of treats and onslaughts of apologies. Each time she came knocking, you told her there was no amount of persuasion that could change your mind. And yet the following night, she’d be there, a new type of pastry in hand and a new set of reasons why Spencer was worth the trouble.

First, she brought blueberry muffins and reasoned that deep below that prickly exterior, he really was everything she promised –– sweet and caring. But that must be deep, deep down. Like, The Lost City of Atlantis, deep down, because you didn’t expect it to surface any time soon. 

Then, she brought fudge brownies and explained that his behavior wasn’t personal –– he was getting snippy with everyone lately. And while you maintained that anybody would have a hard time getting along with Spencer, you were absolutely positive that it was now impossible for you. 

Quite frankly, it wasn’t just Spencer who was unwilling to play nice. You hated him. More than you’ve ever hated a stranger. 

You wished him a lifetime riddled with minor inconveniences that would drive him to the edge of insanity. You wanted him to miss all his trains by just a quarter of a minute; close enough so that he could see it leave the platform, knowing he almost made it on. You wanted him to constantly feel like he was about to sneeze. You wanted his socks to be perpetually wet, and if he should happen to put on a dry pair? You hoped he stepped in a puddle.

That was all you could think about as you laid out on your couch, munching on one of Penelope’s lemon bars while she paced around your apartment. She kept going on and on advertising Spencer to you. As annoying as it was, she was also saving you a ton on groceries that week. 

For the most part, you filtered her out. Not a single word that came out of her mouth was believable anymore, especially not when she was talking about Spencer. Despite what Penelope thought of him, you saw in him what she refused to accept. 

As her speech came to a close, she looked at you like she expected a response to dignify her prattling. 

“Give it a rest, Penelope. He’s a lost cause,” you laughed dryly. “He doesn’t need –– nor does he want –– anyone in his life.” At the very least, he definitely didn’t want you. 

“Yes, that’s the problem!” If you’d been listening to her, you would’ve heard her saying the same thing. “He doesn’t want to date!” 

Your head just about exploded when she said that. 

There had been countless, fruitless conversations about this, and all along she saw the gaping hole in her supposedly airtight plan?

“If he doesn’t want to DATE, then WHAT was the point of this?!” Your fingers pressed the bridge of your nose; you suddenly felt a headache coming on. Funny how it always happened around the time of day that Penelope came to visit.

Penelope stopped pacing. She stalked over to your couch, picked your legs up by your ankle, and moved them to make space for herself. You begrudgingly sat upright as she took her place beside you. 

“Because he’s not himself anymore. He’s not open like he used to be. Not to the people who care about him the most, and certainly not to the world.”  

Penelope toyed with the hem of her dress, distracting herself from her quivering lip before pressing on, “Spencer Reid has always wanted love. And it’s not right that he no longer believes he can have it.” 

You hadn’t seen Penelope look so desperate until now. It was concerning. Because what could make her look so hopeless? What could make Spencer so hopeless? 

“Penelope, I don’t know what’s wrong with your little friend, but… there’s a lot more bubbling inside him than you’re letting on.” 

She chewed up the insides of her cheeks, wincing to herself at your incredibly accurate claim. 

“You are hiding something, aren’t you?” You narrowed your eyes on her. You were no detective, or whatever exactly her team did, but she was just awful at concealing her thoughts.

“It’s not my story to tell,” she murmured. 

She could already feel herself about to give it away and doubled down her mental defenses against it. Focusing extra hard on keeping Spencer’s privacy intact. If only you knew her track record with secrets, you’d be proud of her for staying quiet this long.

“What isn’t your story?” 

“That his girlfriend died last year.” 

She spilled it before she even realized what she was saying. You’d just asked so nonchalantly that she forgot she was talking aloud. Penelope turned purple, terrified now that the whole truth was out there. 

You couldn’t even take satisfaction in the fact that your trick worked. You were just as mortified as Penelope, and if you weren’t already sitting down, you knew you’d need to. You assumed there was something deeper going on with him, you didn’t think it was a dead girlfriend. That was some Nicholas Sparks shit. 

“He pretends like he’s fine but I know he’s not. And if he found a way to move on, maybe he’d start feeling as okay as he claims to be,” she sniffled before snot could run from her nose, tears lining the rims of her eyes. “I know I should’ve given you the full picture, but I didn’t think you’d go for it if you knew…” 

You were too floored to process it all right away. This added a whole new layer of complicated to an already uneasy arrangement.

“Well, I know you’re right about one thing. I would’ve said no.” 

She gave you a set of pleading eyes, praying you’d see where she was coming from. 

“I know,” she whispered defeatedly. “But maybe... now that you know, you can understand why he acts out the way he does.”

“Penelope, I can’t just… make someone move on, or –– or get them to believe in love! Especially when it’s fake.”

How on Earth did she expect you to pull that off? Did that guy from A Walk to Remember move on when Mandy Moore died? You hadn’t seen the ending of the movie, but you assumed not. 

“I’m sorry, this is just… a lot bigger than the favor I thought it was ––”

“What if I could return it?” she cut in. The gears in her head started to turn, figuring ways to patch up the holes she made. 

“There’s nothing I need from you.” 

That couldn’t be true. Penelope looked around the room and it didn’t take her long to think of it.

“I can help you sell your art,” she tempted, gesturing to the scattered canvases. “You make all your income from this, right?” 

You didn’t want to give any fuel to her fire, but you nodded. “What if… what if you didn’t have to settle for local buyers? What if I told you that you could make way more money selling them to the whole world?”

You chortled at her idea. 

You were a local artist, through and through. Your art got put in local galleries and sold to local buyers. Nothing more, and that was fine with you. You realized it a long time ago that it was just a pipe dream to think you’d be more. 

“I’m serious! You could get a separate painting studio, and stop living in one? Huh?” She wrapped her hand around your shoulder, waving the other in the air, urging you to picture it with her. “Imagine this: a kitchen that’s separate from your living room. A bed, inside it’s own four walls, and more than twelve feet from where you cook your meals.”

Pushing aside her so blatantly insulting your apartment, if that were a possibility, you’d want nothing more. But it already sounded foolish and you hadn’t even heard how she planned to pull it off. 

“Penelope, I’m fine where I am. I make the money I need, and that’s... it’s fine.”

She gave you a pointed look. “You know, I can hack all search engine results to make sure you are what comes up first anytime someone enters the word ‘painting’, right?

An airy chuckle left your lips. Of course she could. You patted her thigh twice and stood up, prompting her to follow you to your door –– hopefully, so she can show herself to the other side of it. “Still no, Pen.” 

“Just take some time to think about it!” Her voice carried through the wood as you shut it on her.

*

There was this one bench in Kenilworth Park – the one that overlooks the crystal clear pond – that you’d always been able to rely on to fix any problem.

There was hidden magic in the bushes that sprawled out from the edges of the water, surrounded by spiky green blades of overgrown grass. A simplicity you loved in baby ducklings paddling into the tiny body of water, swimming close together so they don’t get lost in, what seems to them, a whole ocean. And clarity provided by the freshest air in the world, under the shade of the big oak trees on a late summer afternoon.

But at the present, none of that came close to being enough.

The artist’s block started off as a minor inconvenience, but without your permission, had stretched into weeks of steadily declining motivation. Each new idea felt even worse than the last, and you were acutely aware that there would come a point where you’d officially hit maximum capacity for how awful they could get.

Still, that didn’t seem to light a fire under you. You happily coexisted with the blank pages of your sketchbook. Staring down at them, laying open on your lap in their stark-white glory, you felt like you were playing a waiting game. If you stared long and hard enough, maybe they’d flinch. 

Unfortunately, you never got to find out who won, because your phone rang inside your pocket. As if the caller had interrupted an incredible genius at work (which couldn’t be farther from the truth), you hastily raised the phone to your ear, slamming your sketchbook shut.

“Hello?” Your voice wasn’t as kind as it could be for someone with nothing better to be doing. Two seconds later, you learned who was calling and came to regret it.

“Hi, This is Rebecca from District Arts, calling with a message from Andre ––”

“Oh, hi!” you tried to walk back your previous tone, straightening up in your seat and pitching your voice higher, “Yeah, I’ve been waiting to hear from him!” 

While Rebecca intimidated you, Andre happened to be your closest friend at the gallery. He worked closely with the artists to curate their collection and help them make sales. 

“Does he want to sort out what to set the opening bid prices at for my new pieces?” A handful of days ago, you sent him pictures of your new work and were waiting to hear his thoughts. You’d always been able to trust his opinion, and a vote of confidence from him might be just the thing to inspire you.

“Uhm…” There was a criminally long pause on the other side of the line, ended by Rebecca’s weary inhale. “Unfortunately, we’re calling to inform you that your pieces will not be included in the next rotation.”

For a minute, you weren’t sure what to make of what she said. You’d never heard those words before.

“What – what do you mean?” you laughed nervously. She probably misspoke. Perks of friendship aside, Andre always included you in sets. 

“Ugh, let me just get him…” her voice faded away as she put the phone down. 

That wasn’t exactly the reassuring statement you were looking for. In the time it took for the call to switch hands, your confusion finally melted in. And then quickly boiled into anger.

The District Arts gallery changed their entire collection every two months. The pieces shown accepted rolling bids throughout the full eight weeks, finally selling at the end of term to their highest offer. After that, the pieces got taken down, sent to happy new owners, and the entire gallery reset with entirely new works. 

So if you missed one rotation, that meant waiting two months to get back in.

“Andre, how am I just cut from the gallery!” you barked before he could get a word in. If he didn’t like your work, he could’ve just said so. 

“No one said that ––”

“Okay, let me rephrase.” You pinched the bridge of your nose, something you found yourself doing quite frequently lately, and took a deep breath in and out. It was seemingly just for show because it did absolutely nothing to calm you down. “Why wouldn’t you put me in the next set? I’m in all of them!”

“I know you are!” He sounded just as upset. “It’s just that… we give you the biggest space we have, because you always manage to fill it up. But this time… I’m not so sure you can.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you scoffed. “What makes you say that?” You asked that, but you knew.

“You’ve only finished three pieces… I’m worried how you’ll deliver seven more before we set up.”

“But… it’s four weeks away, I could do ––”

“And it took you four weeks to make what you have... I’m sorry. We couldn’t take that gamble.” 

He took your silence as an opportunity to turn off the work talk and speak, just friend to friend. 

“You know that I trust you and I’d hold that spot if I could. But, I also know what you’re going through right now, and… I don’t know, maybe letting yourself rest would be a good thing?” 

Your heart paused. By, “knowing what you’re going through”, you assumed he didn’t mean the little artist’s block.

“If you’re implying that I can’t do my job because of what happened with Cyrus –”

“I’m not, I’m not....” he backtracked as quickly as he could. “But take another look at the paintings you showed me and tell me if they feel like you.”

Even if he was right, you wanted to fight him. You wanted to cry. You wanted to beg that you didn’t need that big space; you were willing to downsize and just turn in the three that you had. Even if they got shoved into the corner where hardly anybody bothered to look. You just couldn’t afford to go two months without the income. 

But even with tears beading up, you realized that the gallery couldn’t afford it either. They needed to bring in money and you couldn’t do that for them this time. So they were right to go to someone who can.

“Right,” you sniffled, recollecting yourself so he can’t hear the shakiness in your voice. “I understand. It’s a big risk, like you said… It’s for the better.”

Andre tried to thank you for being understanding and spewed some sort of encouragement. The words flew over your head. You managed to toss in a few ‘mhmm’s and ‘sure’s at the right places to coast you along until the call finally ended. 

As soon as it went dead, you dropped your phone to the side and brought your hands to your face, rubbing them furiously over your cheeks. Your fingertips pressed hard into your eyelids, trying to forcibly reabsorb the tears threatening to spill. 

It almost worked, until you tried to breathe. 

A full sob escaped in that one gulp of air and you succumbed to it. But the loud crunching noise of some pedestrian walking over the falling leaves destroyed your sense of privacy, and you quickly wiped away all signs of your breakdown. The crunching stopped just short of your bench and on instinct you flicked your eyes up to see who the intruder was.

You did a double take. It was him. That fucking asshole.

He was standing there, looking dumber than you could even remember, with his hands in his coat pockets and a curious look on his face as he watched you cry. Tucking your sketchbook under your arm in haste, you made it a point to stand up with as much aggression as possible, rolling your eyes at him.

“Don’t worry, I’m leaving,” you barked. “No need to yell at me this time.”

You bristled past him, barely refraining yourself from checking his shoulder as payback. You wanted to believe you were better than him, but it did sound incredibly tempting. He stood there for a moment before turning on his heel and following you.

“Wait,” he groaned.

You didn’t listen, neither stopping nor slowing down.

“I said wait,” he huffed as he caught up to you, popping up at your side and jogging along as you kept going.

“Yeah, because I need to listen to a guy who yells at strangers in bookstores.” 

Now that you’d brought up the elephant in the room, your feet started moving even faster, working double time to get you away from him.

Damn the fact that he had those long legs. He didn’t even break a sweat trying to keep up. He was inescapable.

“Well, if you waited like I asked, you would’ve gotten an apology for the ––”

“Gee, thanks!” you yelled, stopping for only a second to turn to him and give him a mocking bow of your head, hands clasped together like you were praising at his altar. “I was waiting with bated breath for that! Thank you, kind sir, for now my life can go on.”

“Look, I’m actually sorry,” he snapped. Then in realizing the irony, softened his voice, “I’m sorry for being rude. I was having a bad day… not that that’s an excuse.”

You stared at him blankly, just watching his mouth moving quickly and waiting until it finally stopped. 

“Did you need something?” 

“Did you… did you not hear what I just said?!” 

“No, sorry,” you smiled, voice sweet like sugar. “My ears filter bullshit. Wanna try again?”

He scoffed, looking away like he couldn’t believe you before stepping even closer. “What’s your problem?”

“Me!? The fuck –– what the fuck is your problem?” You turned and stormed off again, seething at his audacity. Spencer just couldn’t relent his annoying tendencies and followed yet again.

“My problem is that I’m trying to be nice, and you’re not letting me!”

You got a good, hard laugh out of that. “Okay, first of all, having to apologize for yelling at me and pushing me isn’t exactly the best starting point for the journey of becoming a nice person.”

“Like I said, I was having a bad day.” 

Under your breath, you muttered, “Well, I hope this one’s even worse.”

“Why are you such a ––” He stopped himself from finishing that thought. Even in his worst mood, he wouldn’t cross that line. 

But he didn’t need to finish it, you knew exactly where he wanted to take it. The soles of your shoes scraped against the loose gravel as you came to a grinding halt, ears ringing.

“A what?” You turned to face him, a sarcastic smile on your face growing wider as he started to shrink more and more. You got up close in his face, daring him to say what he really wanted to. So he could reinforce your belief in exactly the type of person he was. “A what?” 

Spencer pursed his lips and shook his head, refusing to say it no matter how much you challenged him. If he wasn’t going to have the balls to say it, you decided to take it upon yourself.

“Tell you what, you keep thinking about it and get back to me the next time you’re in a cunty mood.” 

The word he was thinking of was probably not as bad, but you had a habit of escalating things. Even if you took this one too far, you didn’t care. 

Before you tried to take off again, Spencer’s hand flew to your elbow. He tugged you back, forcing you to turn around and face him. He didn’t know his own strength; without any resistance, you came stumbling into his chest, at risk of falling over if it weren’t for his tight grip on your arm.

It took you a beat to push him away with both your hands on his chest, vocalizing your disgust for being so close to him. 

“Can you stop trying to disagree with me for a second? I’m trying to tell you that you’re right, I was being a… well, you know…” He avoided the word. Apparently ‘cunt’ was where he drew the line. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it.” 

Your nostrils were still flared and blood hot as ever, but he made you pause. He looked sincere, if not a little tinged with guilt as well. You were suspicious of it.

“You saw me crying and felt bad, didn’t you?”

He laughed darkly. “Well, I saw you, yes. Did I feel bad? No.” 

“Oh, my God,” you growled, berating yourself for getting close to believing he might be capable of decency. 

“I’m joking! I’m joking.” He squeezed your elbow twice in earnest. “I did feel bad, but that’s not why I wanted to say it.”

“Okay.” You weren’t ready to give him a real smile, so you flattened your lips into a thin line and nodded once slowly, and left it at that. 

You still weren’t a fan, but the apology did dampen some of the resentment. Maybe he wasn’t the worst person alive. You’d settle for saying top ten most annoying, instead.

Minutes later, you came to the startling realization that he was still on the path, just two paces behind you. You flinched when you saw him out of the corner of your eye, not expecting him to still be here. 

“Uhm. Where are you… why are you still following me?” 

“I’m not. My car’s that way,” he gestured to the parking lot at the end of the long walkway. “I forgot my loaf for the ducks.” He didn’t mean to offer that information up, it just slipped out. He could practically see your smug expression coming before it even got there.

“You’re not supposed to feed bread to the ducks. It’s bad for them.”

“I don’t.” He didn’t care to explain this to you, but he couldn’t have you thinking he was any less competent than he really was. “It’s a special bread made from water and seeds that were ground into flour. It’s duck-safe.” 

“They make duck-safe bread?” Now that was something you’d never heard before. 

“No… I make duck-safe bread,” he said softly under his breath. 

You didn’t know how else you were supposed to react to that besides laughing wildly. 

“You make it?” He nodded like you were the crazy one here. As if he wasn’t the one spending his spare time grinding up seeds and baking loaves of bread for ducks, donning a frilly pink apron and oven mitts as he did so. At least that’s how you imagined it. “Why not just feed them the seeds?”

“Because, loose seeds will sink in the water and can potentially clog waterbeds and cause foreign bacteria growth in the pond.” 

“So you… hand-make the seeds into a little loaf of bread so it doesn't do that?”

He confirmed. You pondered silently for a moment, then absolutely had to ask, “You ever eaten the duck bread before?”

Spencer was caught off guard by that question. His cheeks deepened to a rosy color.

“Yeah, well, it was the house so…” he laughed nervously and stared at his sneakers. “It’s actually not too bad.”

You weren’t entirely surprised by that. You remembered what his grocery basket looked like, and given those same options, you probably would’ve tried the duck bread too. Still, you cracked the smallest of grins at knowing he makes bread for ducks. The one, sole redeeming fact you’ve learned about Spencer. 

You reached your car first, and Spencer stopped in front of it with you. 

“I’m actually sorry, you know,” he whispered once more, hand resting at the top of your car door as you opened it. He wasn’t talking about the incident at the bookstore.

“Yeah…” For a while you were so busy being angry at Spencer that you forgot about your own problems. 

He noticed your nose was still red around the edges, eyes still a little bleary. “Are you okay, by the way?” His voice was too soft, too genuine.

You shook your head no.

“Is there anything I can do?” You shook your head again. And then you had an awful thought.

You knew he was just offering to help just to say it, because that’s how people react when you say you’re not okay even if they don’t care. But there actually was something he could do for you… Something that Penelope could do.

“Uh, no but…” you fixed your hair and tucked it behind your ear, seamlessly switching to a flirtier voice. “If you still feel bad about the other day, you’re welcome to make it up to me.”

Spencer cocked his head to the side, unsure of how he could do that. 

“Hang out with me sometime.”

“H-hang out?” You could tell that it flustered him, even if he tried to play it off. He swallowed thickly, nose twitching and brows scrunched together.

“Relax, I really do just mean hang out.” You were lying through your teeth. He didn’t need to know that. 

As if he didn’t want to think about it for a second longer and just get out of this conversation as quickly as possible, he agreed without thinking it through. He didn’t even ask why an almost complete stranger would want to hang out with him. 

You stuck your hand out, expecting him to hand over his cell so you could put your contact into it. He rocked on the balls of his feet, watching as you input your contact and sent yourself a text on his phone.

“Hi, this is…” you read out your message as you typed, pausing at just the right place. “What’s your name by the way?”

“Oh-uh, I’m Spencer.” 

A devilish grin took over your face, hidden from his view while you were looking down at the screen. He was going to be easy to fool.

-

-

agh! im still not in love with how this chapter is turning out, but it came to a point where i just had to stop fiddling with it and just post it. any feedback or comments about this story is very much appreciated 💕

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if you’d like to join, the link is at the top of my masterlist

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[rainy-saturday]

im praying you fucking die.

Wow, I’m very curious as to how you hold so much hate in your heart, anon. These messages make me really sad. Why do you wish r*pe against someone? Why do you use the r slur to describe my family? When have I ever said anything bad against Wanda? You’re also very inconsistent, you tell me I don’t “deserve” a Bucky icon 😂 and then you call him a r*ped idol in the same sentence.

Get off the internet and reflect on your morals. Threatening r*pe and wishing death against someone over a fictional character is pretty serious business. I love Wanda too, idk what triggered you to send this to me 😂 I hope someday you learn from this and mature, though I may be asking too much of you

You run the risk of sending anons to someone who has experienced SA before. Your bullshit threats are incredibly harmful and tell me everything I need to know about you

#tw rape #tw ableism #tw ableist language #wanda maximoff #ask #anon #im so confused

[wintermutal]

If it's ok to ask, is your adhd diagnosed? And if it is how come they didn't give u a prescription?

oh man oh man. in short: my psychiatrist says no and i have not been able to get a hold of anyone else who might be able to prescribe meds to me. (long story below the cut)

the long story is that i was diagnosed when i was very little (keep in mind that both my mom and my brother are also diagnosed but are medicated), medicated through elementary school, taken off them for some reason, reperscribed new meds through my family's regular doctor in early high school, and taken off of them by my psychiatrist when i started getting treated for severe OCD. meanwhile i was given a new test when i started CBT for said crippling OCD and it said i DIDNT have adhd, but when when i started improving i clearly DID have adhd and my other horrible mental health problems were just covering it up. the initial reason for taking me off was because i was on incredibly heavy 'downer' medications to ease up the compulsions, and putting me on stimulants would counteract this, but then i did three years of CBT, improved significantly, and then...went to college.

college was wild for me. every time i would see my psych i would ask for medication, and he would say no but i could get a second opinion if i disagreed. i thought his reasoning was sound and just continued fucking struggling. my symptoms got a lot worse. my grades suffered for it, i never followed through on things, and by the end of my four years of school- 7 years off medication- i was so burnt out that i had decided that there was no way in hell i could go to grad school like i originally intended. i had (/have) too many interests that oscillated too often, i was too inconsistent with nearly everything in my life, i was making too many mistakes, my GPA was much lower than i wanted it to be to the point where it barely made the lower threshold for many grad schools, and i had recently taken an extremily demanding 5 credit course where no matter how hard i tried i fell behind my peers because i simply could not remember things. i felt like shit and decided that i would just go to work instead, and i would take an easy job i couldn't possibly screw up with.

so, the job i took is boring and usually simple. my boss micromanages our department- i suspect because he wants to take things out on us. his biggest pet peeve is tiny mistakes that he believes come when you don't try hard enough. amazingly, i still make these incredibly basic mistakes, but im gonna be honest with you, sometimes i seem legitimately mentally slow because my entire job is doing these simple tasks i cant always keep straight and the things im actually good at never come up. im working on so many things outside of work that in theory could help me get to the place i want to be, or do what i love, but they never get finished. in fact, i can barely keep basic things in line.

im bored out of my mind all the time because my job is 90% simple repetitive tasks and theres usually no actual thinking involved, and outside of work i eat when im bored out of my mind, which is now all the time, and even THAT is wild because i cant consistently eat normally either because i get obsessed with one food at a time, so my eating is incredibly disordered now and im even more prone to binging behaviors than i was before. im afraid that if i dont get medicated i am going to be stuck in this hell for the rest of my life unable to finish anything i love and am passionate about, and yes it has a lot to do with self loathing based on all these things i hate most about myself, and honestly yeah, i think i makes me harder to love. like im just like this and i legitimately do not know who could love me while my interests switch every 3 weeks, and when i get excited or even happy im an emotionally immature wreck, and i can barely keep my shit together at the best of times. im trying really hard but its never enough. my grandma, who funded my brother and i's college, doesn't approve and doesn't think my job is good enough and expects me to go to grad school or otherwise do something else 'respectable' to make more money, and meanwhile yeah, my fully medicated brother who has no fucking issues otherwise is going to law school and it took him like 2 weeks to get medication. ive been trying to get an appointment with a psychiatric nurse practitioner, and yeah i have no idea how im going to reconcile that with my current medication for OCD, but my OCD gets worse when im bored and guess what, im fucking bored all the time. i havent been able to get a hold of anyone and some people just havent contacted me back at all. fuck this, man.

#vandal.txt #some pretty potent adhd self ableism in here btw. if thats the term idk

[reyeslonestar]

Lone star better square the hell up if they think we are just gonna accept this lame ass apology from Owen. It’s not nearly enough and the real apology that TK deserves. He has probably lived with this relationship with Owen his entire life or at least majority of it and that’s so sad. He seems so used to this that he just sat back and continued on with the intervention. I know that comment still hurts TK because of how he even brought it up. They need to circle back to this because I’m genuinely wondering what it’s gonna take for Owen to actually act like a good father. Loving your kid isn’t enough- you actually have to actively try to be a good parent. As in- remember they exist even when TK isn’t hurt or something. As in, don’t twist things around and play victim. All TK does is love his dad and yeah he gets frustrated with Owen because who wouldn’t but he still is always there. Owen straight up acted like TK didn’t exist when he thought Gwyn’s baby was his. He only said he would schedule the surgery because ‘he’s gonna be a dad’. He only jumps into father mode when TK was shot and kidnapped. Every other time??? It’s like oh TK is mad at me that’s why he is being a paramedic now. Like dude have you ever stopped to think that maybe it’s not all about you? He just wanted the switch to the paramedic job because he likes it. These little moments add up and make me wanna yell at Owen FOR tk

anon, we are in agreement. god, I want to get tk by the shoulders and tell him that owen’s bullshit is absolutely not his fault and he has done way more than should have been expected of him. then id like to slap Owen upside the head and frogmarch him into therapy. very regular therapy.

you’ve brought up a lot of interesting things here so im going to stick most of my thoughts under a cut.

ultimately I think that the things that underscore the problems of TK and Owen’s relationship are Owen’s inconstancy and unreliability. I think theres a decent splash of narcissism in there too, which leads to him pressuring and gaslighting people, unloading his problems on random people, making himself the victim in any given confrontation, and also his misguided heroism stunts. but the root of him and TK having a fractured relationship comes from TK being unable to rely on Owen. (and hoo boy does that make me emotional about the fact that TK finally has someone he can completely rely on with Carlos)

so your first point:

this lame ass apology from Owen

honestly there were two weak apologies that stuck out to me - the first being the one during the intervention about Owen ‘going to be a father’ - yay, acknowledgment - but TK deserves an proper apology, one that doesn’t feel offhand, and not when Owen feels pressured by the environment. im sure im not the only one that felt that comment was disingenuous - it didnt feel at all like Owen actually felt sorry, or understood the damage he’d done. and then again in the vets - it felt pointed to me that TK had to confirm Owen was still going to go through with the surgery after buttercup turned out to be okay. he understandably doesn’t trust Owen to hold himself to his promises, even one he made in the last five minutes, and I think that reflects on how he views the apologies - if Owen can flip back and forth on promises about his own health, what’s stopping him from giving insincere apologies?

He has probably lived with this relationship with Owen his entire life or at least majority of it and that’s so sad. He seems so used to this

yeah I think you’re absolutely right - I think everything about their relationship, including TK’s anxieties about Owen’s unreliability, stem from him feeling left behind during his childhood (something I talked about a lot here - I wrote that a few months ago but I stand by a lot of it). and those anxieties really came out this ep because Owen keeps being incredibly inconstant this season. (not inconstant as in inconsistent characterisation, inconstant as in an unreliable character)

something I mentioned in some of my tags yesterday (and that I want to really dive into more specifically at some point) was the emotional labour that I suspect TK has had to shoulder in order to maintain their relationship. Owen has been this consistently absent figure, so TK has worked himself into Owen’s work life to be physically close to him, but Owen’s emotional distance has meant TK has taken up the emotional work too in order to maintain their relationship, and that has kind of allowed them both to pretend to themselves that they have a good relationship, with much more of the strain of maintaining that facade falling on TK.

Loving your kid isn’t enough- you actually have to actively try to be a good parent.

everything you said here. absolutely. loving someone does not equal having a healthy relationship with them, and TK and Owen definitely dont have that. TK is evidently so hyper aware of how much Owen has ignored him when it suits him - it kills me to see the way that comment about being a father has obviously been eating at him for weeks - and I really hate how controlling Owen gets when TK is in danger, but then is so utterly absent when TK’s in a good place, or even bitter and hostile when TK makes positive choices for himself. again, I talked about this in detail in this post - basically, Owen has major control issues and dude needs therapy.

don’t twist things around and play victim.

oh man, this shit pissed me off. like, I get that the subjects of interventions often have hostile reactions, but gaslighting Mateo after pressuring him into drinking and emotionally unloading on him? holy shit Owen, no. and making himself to be the victim of situations that have nothing to do with him, like TK becoming a paramedic or oversharing to the vet and the kid sitting on the roof. like, I understand that mental illness can lead you to taking shitty actions, but it still makes them shitty actions.

They need to circle back to this because I’m genuinely wondering what it’s gonna take for Owen to actually act like a good father.

yeah! I dont know what to think about this in the show, because knowing the way the show heroises Owen, I don’t know whether they’ll feel that they need to address it further than those pathetic apologies. that said, we’ve got Owen and this arson case next week and there does seem to be a tone that shows Owen as an idiot, and frames him as wrong for going against the rules and trying to sneak into a crime scene. if im right, then there would be scope for this to be an overall arc of Owen learning to become self aware and understand that he is not the centre of the universe. I just hope the show bothers to do that.

in the immortal words of Michelle Blake: Owen, get a therapist!

#911 lone star #911 lone star spoilers #episode chat 2x10 #fandom discussion #owen strand #tk strand #the strands #owen strand critical #I dont mind flawed characters #and the fact that they were addressing it (kinda) made me happy #and thats partly why I didnt mind Owen this ep #a has thoughts

[charmspoint]

hello i just wanted to say that i love love love your curse au and look forward to evert chapter bc your writing is such an emotional rollercoaster in the best of ways! i feel like your take on this au is so far the most interesting and realistic one??

the grief and the resentment and the pain and heart-wrenching tenderness that is so twisted but nonetheless beautiful - all of this is so fucking cool?? i love your characterisations, and despite what you said about the plot feeling held together by duct tape and prayers, for us readers it seems really interesting and well though.

ugh i could've written you the whole-ass essay in ukrainian but my english feels stifled and awkward lol (once more shout-out to you - and your beta - for making this text so fluid and rich even though it's not your first language, your imagery is exquisite)

and your take on curse!satoru?? i adore how you manage to balance the human and the curse and how it's creepy but adorable at the same time, and the fact he and suguru mutually influencing each other, both becoming neither human nor monster but something in between, not really fitting in within anyone but themselves??

my favourite part of the fic honestly, how their symbiotic relationship is depicted as something that is weird enough to make you feel uneasy but also, as you wrote it, "but the discomfort itself was warm and familiar and very much Satoru" and Yeah, That's It

......and i ranted too much lol sorry i just want you to know that CoA is one of my favourite fics and recommended it for a bunch of people already and it's not something i usually do and and and you're incredible, thank you for your beautiful work despite the college pressure and all the stuff

hope you're having a great day

Hello ;-; thank you so much for this im crying aaaaa. I’m really happy that you are enjoying the fic and that you find it interesting and realistic im v ;-; <3<3<3<3

I’m so glad those feelings are coming through well because I always wanted to like, show how in your grief and coping with trauma you may feel or do things that aren’t exactly nice, though I always worried about people hating Suguru because he’s not dealing with the situation in an optimal way. We are very much watching him stumble through trauma and then a situation that just isn’t good no matter how you twist it and I wanted to make it feel stumbley and raw, I wanted him to make mistakes and come back to fix them, I wanted him to make wrong choices for other people because they are good choices for him. I wanted him to struggle finding a balance and finding the sort of life he and Satoru are actually suited for. I was worried people would dislike Suguru for it but so far everyone seems on board so I’m always happy to hear it hurts but in like a good way. That it’s heart-wrenching and not frustrating.

Also I’m really really glad everything is coming across smoothly. My beta always tells me I’m my own harshest critic lmaooo, I stg every chapter I come into their inbox like ‘its horrible what have I done’ and they are like ‘actually its p good’. I tend to pick apart every little mistake I notice and blow it all up in my head. Like I know exactly where each chapter is going and what the end is and what will happen but I’m still like ‘the theme isn’t strong enough here’, ‘this scene feels too awkward’, ‘you didn’t work in these characters the right way’. Fortunately, while Ker praises me they are also always ready to point out any confusing lines, awkward scenes or inconsistencies so I can always trust that if Ker says it’s good, it’s good >:3. And punctuation….like 90% of what Ker corrects is punctuation, I do well with the language itself but my fuckin god am I bad at punctuating.

Also your English is good too! Honestly this warmed my heart so much I’m so glad you sent it ;-;

Also my god I adore writing curse Satoru. Especially the way he tends to move about, it’s always fun to come up with new descriptors and metaphors, he’s just a feral lil thing, though he still very much has his human heart, and Suguru’s too. And I’m glad their relationship feels like that! Weird but comfortable. I didn’t want it to be explicitly romantic, cuz that didn’t feel exactly right, so that’s why there are no ‘I love you’s’ and the one kiss that does happen is kiss just barely, even tho they do act like a couple. I wanted them to have something of their own, something unique to them that bares resemblance to a human relationship but is very clearly a thing of their own. Measuring by human terms they are overreliant and codependent and sometimes they tend to isolate themselves from anyone that isn’t Them. And humans understand those as being parts of inherently bad relationship but Satoru and Suguru are a completely different breed because they aren’t exactly in a relationship, they are more so grown into each other and something like that just doesn’t jive with human rules.

Again thank you so so much for this I’m ;-; it’s such a honor knowing that it’s one of your favorite fics and that you feel it’s good enough to rec <3<3<3<3<3 I hope you have a wonderful day!!

#anon #im feelin SMOFT

[princesssarcastia]

The Rise of Skywalker Review

Well, I actually went to see it!  I wasn’t sure that I would, but I’m honestly glad, because now i’ve got thoughts.

The first twenty minutes or so seemed really slapdash and disjointed, like they wanted to set up things for later but didn’t want to take the time to set them up well.  Everything was really rushed and shallow for that period.

But! This movie had a lot of poe-rey-finn interactions which I enjoyed deeply.  Rey and Poe sniping at each other, Finn and Rey being adorably close and caring, Finn and Poe being adorably close and caring.  They feel like they’ve actually spent time together! Excellent.

Leia’s scenes felt a little weird, like they were shoehorned in, but i still miss her so I’m kinda glad for her presence anyway.  Having her train Rey, pick up where Luke left off and push her to the finish line, makes me delighted.  Yes, Leia is force sensitive!!  She trained with her brother!!  She knows how to pass on what she learned!!!  She built a lightsaber!!!!!! excellent. (sidenote her lightsaber was sick.  i loved it. i want one)

I also liked how we got to see some diverse planets and terrain.  did they do their best on that front? no.  would have loved to see some more weird-ass alien planets, or even weird-ass terrain that actually exists in the real world, but they’re deathly afraid of being like the prequels, soooo.

The whole thing with the “sith dagger” and C-3P0′s memory was a shit storyline.  Here’s a magic item that will do everything we need! Give you the location of your navigator thing!! Magically fit against the skyline of the wreck of the deathstar, even though it’s an ancient artifact and the deathstar is constantly battered by incredibly powerful waves on an alien planet! ugh.  dumb.

If that droid from the old shipwreck was gonna have that knwoeldge the whole time,,,,,,, why not just let Rey befriend the droid,,,,,,,,instead of doing a “psych! gotcha!” with C-3P0′s memory. 

JJ Abrams being afraid to give real consequences to the new trio’s actions was shit.  Let them kill Chewie!  Let them essentially kill C-3P0! Or leave it out of the equation entirely!!!  These fake-outs cheapen emotional responses and motivations of the heroes of our story.

and hey, speaking of cheapening shit, why the ever-loving FUCK did they bring Palpatine back.  why.  I hate that.  I hated that SO MUCH IT WAS SO DUMB.  SO.  DUMB.  so darth vader redeemed and sacrificed himself over nothing, huh??  Anakin Skywalker, dumb bitch to the end, couldn’t even die right, because palpatine was fucking alive the whole time.  fuccking hell.  any hey, guess what?? Jedi can force-heal people, too! ha ha ha hahahahaha ha h  h a stupid anakin for believing palpatine had unique force powers and turning to the dark side, when really, it was a light-side power all along!!! (kill me)

(side note: healing being a power of the light and not the dark is thematically better, but uh.  see petty retconning below)

Making Rey his granddaughter is inarguably worse than having her be a true nobody, which was my number one pick.  I might even have been fine with it if she discovered it on her own!! But noooo, we need to have Kylo Ren and Luke tell her who she is.  Oh yeah, they knew who she was the whole time, lol! Isn’t that cute, stupid women having to be told who they are and what their legacy is. 

Which also makes her previous conversation with Kylo in TLJ cheap too! Look, I get it, we all hated TLJ, and Rian Johnson’s choices.  But...having Kylo tell Rey who she is twice, in two separate movies, and tell her two separate things each time, and have it be played straight both times, is just.  so.      dumb.   petty retconning of other people’s work is kind of disgusting.

That being said, in this movie I didn’t feel like Rey’s storyline was about anyone but her.  I mean, palpatine elements for sure, but except for being told whose granddaughter she was, she was basically in control of her own destiny.  I liked that a lot.

Rey’s fight with Kylo on the wreck of the death star? *chef’s kiss*.  Amazing.  Incredible.  Lightsaber duels have gotten so much better and I love them.  somewhere inside me my five-year old self is screaming for joy and picking up her toy lighsabers.  Ridley and Driver have, unfortunately, very good chemistry in their scenes together, and the tension while they fought was so good. 

Poe as a former drug dealer makes me tired.  Poe Dameron, who idolizes Leia and had rebellion pilots for parents, was a drug dealer?? You kidding me?? ugh.

Also, if i’m being petty, I hated the way force ghosts could interact with reality. 

Lando Calrissian!! Lando I love you.  I love you so much.  The idea of all those people coming to the Resistance’s aid is pretty cool tbh, and I liked it.  I liked Lando playing ambassador and politician for the resistance. 

I absolutely hated the ““planet-killing-cannon”“ palpatine’s fleet had.  These fucking,  fan-pandering morons just cannot let the idea of a planet-killer go, can they?  It’s not like a shit ton of ships, the biggest fleet in the galaxy, able to blockade hyper-space lanes and entire planets, would be a good enough threat, oh no.  audiences aren’t smart enough to respond to something that complicated, so we need to make it SUPER OBVIOUS, just like in TLJ.  “the death star but bigger/portable” is dumb.

Finn finding other defectors was so fucking cool, I love that for him.  Also, like, Im pretty sure they were all force-sensitive like he is, which I think is amazing.  Confirming Finn’s force sensitivity was the best decision they made in this movie, tbh. 

The driving problem of this movie was, in my opinion, the exec and creative teams being unable to stick to their guns with Kylo Ren as the big villian.  Twice, people reached out to him for redemption: his father in TFA, and rey in TLJ.  Twice, he rejected that offer, and ascended to Supreme Leader.

But instead of letting him do that, they instead turned him back to the light for little to no discernible reason.  What, his mother dying finally pushed him over the edge?? You kidding me???? He LITERALLY murdered his father in cold blood. i call bullshit. 

And because they couldn’t let kylo be the main villian, they also had to bring back palpatine.  Look man, Adam Driver abso-fuckin-lutely has the chops to be a big bad.  He’s really good at his job, actually, and I believe he could carry the weight of being the scary leader and face of the dark side.  But no, y’all are chicken.

I mean, even though I hated him turning back, driver-as-ben-solo was fucking lit.  He was so good for those, what two minutes?? The tension during his rush to Rey??? Him fucking with the KNights of Ren?? His switcheroo with Rey, the way he nods and bows a little when the Knights all step back, knowing they’re about to get their asses kicked?? Oh my god! It was so fun to watch.  You could tell, even from that much, he’s a cocky little shit, and would have been so fun to watch for three movies instead of three minutes.

Their kiss at the end when he dies?? boo, hiss, no thank you.  Not a fan.  I’ll concede their chemistry as actors, but that was not romantic chemistry between their characters.  nuh-uh no way no how.  gross.

Overall, like a 5/10.  Wildly inconsistent.  I really liked some parts, and enjoyed other parts out of context, and really hated other parts. 

ps— me, watching the ot3 hug Like That™: NOW KISS.

#the rise of skywalker #tros #star wars #rey #kylo ren #ben solo #adam driver #poe dameron #finn #lando calrissian #LANDO YESSSSSSS #cheap choices #jj abrams should be barred from sci-fi/fantasy movies #palpatine #now i get why my dad was so pissed about darth maul coming back every .5 seconds #force sensitive finn #movie review

[gayregis]

Hi, just wanted to ask, how did you get into the witcher franchise (did you read the books before you played the games or vice versa?). Love your blog, byeeee :)

ty for the ask!! i hope you dont mind if i go too in-depth because i was legit thinking about this earlier today... 

tldr: i played tw3 and liked it, then read the books

i got into the witcher because one of my favorite gaming youtubers was doing a playthrough of tw3 on youtube in around i think september 2017. i liked this specific gaming youtuber for being shit at games and not caring about it... but tw3 was a different game. it felt like the decisions mattered, that there was an actual story here, that when this youtuber made shitty decisions and didn’t really care about the characters involved, i got frustrated because this game seemed really good... so i picked up the game myself and played it though, it was magnificent. not to r/witcher “the witcher 3 is literally the best game created in this history of ever” but it was sincerely good... not only does it have a great story, characters, and graphics, but it is genuinely comfortable to play as a game, even if you’re not great at games (i like playing video games but i’m not good at them when it comes to combat, i literally just would prefer to hack and slash through). so, i played through tw3 and the fact that it made me cry multiple times i found to be really interesting... but it was still just a game to me, it wasn’t something i thought about when i have time to daydream headcanons. i had read i think the witcher (short story) halfway through playing, just to get a feel of what tw3 came from, but from that, i realized the books and the games were incredibly different entitities, and i decided to not read the books until i had finished the game, or at least until i had more free time on my hands (mind i was in high school and was a senior, and during this time was when i was submitting college applications... exceptionally stressful, and the reading/writing part of my brain was absolutely fried from essay writing and reviewing). i was particularly struck by geralt and ciri’s relationship and the isle of mists quests fucked me up pretty bad. 

then around later 2017, i was really enjoying tw3, and had finished tw3′s base game and hearts of stone, and was now making my way into blood & wine. i was just playing it like normal, then came the part when geralt met regis. at first i wasn’t too interested (i mean, i was, but in the story of blood & wine, not in the books) until the little journal text pop-up appeared on my screen. you know, the one about quests you just received, or characters you just met. it was going through the motions of saying i finished this quest, picked up this new one, i was all like fine, fine, okay, alright, and then it just fucking puts regis’ long-ass name on the screen taking up a good amount of my FOV and i am immediately like, what? what the fuck? who the fuck? that’s the name? of the guy we just met? that guy??? he didn’t seem like someone with a name like that? who the fuck IS this guy.

so i head over to the wiki page for regis. i thumb through the basic information, i’m pretty interested, this quest stuff to find ciri sounds interesting. i decide to give the witcher books another try, because i have more free time now and am way more invested as everyone here as characters. also, i want to find out more about yennefer, because she was being badmouthed by everyone i saw online, and i wanted to read more about her and see if she was really so bad (spoilers: she’s not at all, the internet is just misogynistic).

i don’t think that i’m going to actually really care about these books, i just want more flavor and explanation about how in hell a witcher met a vampire and these two somehow became friends. so, i don’t care about reading them in order. i go online and find fan translations of every book, i open baptism of fire and i just start reading the bit about the fish soup. i’m suddenly just laughing my ass off, really interested in who these other characters are, milva and cahir, and how dandelion seems to actually be the best friend to geralt that he was said to be in tw3. i also notice immediately that geralt... oh my god, geralt’s such a cranky bitch. i’m SHOCKED at how annoying geralt is. i realize that this is probably what geralt’s been like, this whole time, and tw3 just gave me a sterilized version of him. i’m trying to decide if i like this change or not, at first i HATED it... but then realized it actually gave him a character, where in tw3 he feels a little more... empty, waiting for the player to project a personality onto him.

so, i just read all of the hansa bits of baptism of fire, skipping over anything i don’t understand. i am saddened when i can’t find any more, so i move onto tower of the swallow. and then lady of the lake. “oh, so that’s why geralt was surprised to see regis in blood & wine...” feeling at a loss after reading stygga, i start at the beginning and make my way through the books chronologically, like they should be read. i soon realize that this series really isn’t about killing monsters at all, and i’m thrilled. i thought the series was just going to be about geralt killing things in a swamp and reporting back to whoever hired him, like in tw3... and i was wrong. this series is about personal connections! relationships! ... and fatherhood. [see read more for personal junk]

i can’t remember when i started disliking tw3. it must have been around the time that i finished the books (im using the word finished loosely... i still havent finished some scenes because theyre too violent to read and continue with my day in peace, and i also read tos/lotl by skipping around, so i never got the full experience of reading them as full novels).

i just distinctly remember returning to my tw3 new game+ save after rereading the fish soup scene, and thinking about how lonely the game felt... i just felt so dispairingly alone, this loneliness that i hadn’t felt while playing before, that i had to put the game down. i returned to the game again, but i had just reread edge of the world... and i felt so alone again. 

so reading the books ruined tw3 for me, not out of malicious intent, but just because i think i realized geralt isn’t meant to be the lone wolf. the novels center around him and his family and friends, and i just genuinely missed that when replaying tw3. plus, i began to realize a bunch of things, like ciri’s scar is supposed to be bigger, geralt’s supposed to wear his hair in a headband, yennefer’s hair is actually curly, dandelion’s supposed to actually be in the game. there were so many inconsistencies with the characters i had imagined while reading the books that eventually i just stopped playing tw3 (i already played it once, so nbd) and got really into the books. 

sometime later i saved up like $80 to buy the paperback versions of the books (UK versions including season of storms) because i knew i was in really deep lol and i wanted the official translations super badly, also we were doing an assignment in class that allowed us to do something with our favorite book, but we needed to have it in-person and not as an e-book, so it was the perfect excuse. much time spent on hansa headcanons later and... here we are today.

a read-more, because this is more personal. 

the witcher series picked me up at an eerily appropriate time. two things in it stood out to me: 1) geralt’s relationship with ciri 2) regis’s alcoholism. 

i distinctly remember an event where i started crying in front of my parents because my dad was being so absent in my life or maybe it was because they were arguing, something like this... and i remember referencing tw3 isle of mists quest actually by saying “i shouldn’t have to learn it (good parenting) from a video game” ... lol. it wasn’t an epic burn from a 17 yo, but it was just a painful remark made in anger. i still think back to it because of how first watching geralt hug ciri made me feel and how i was actually really bitter because i was jealous of ciri for about a week after completing the quest. then i kind of pushed it out of my mind and didn’t think so much about it, until the night i mentioned it.

in late march of 2018, something very bad happened in my family. that’s probably the best way to describe it. the situation ended in my parents finally separating. my mom and i were pretty afraid and lost after that. after i had collected my thoughts and everything and went back to as “normal” as i could, about a month later, when the creative part of my brain finally began to function again and wasn’t inhibited due to fear, i clung to the witcher more than i did before... and this time, actually particularly to regis, because guess who has a whole redemption arc relating to not being alcoholic and being a genuinely good person who speaks gently and heals the vulnerable?

#anon #ask

[sheikah]

Have you seen Rise of Skywalker yet? Im looking forward to your opinions!

I did! Thanks for your interest haha. I just wanna quickly preface this by saying that I know that SW is very polarizing and that the fandom can be very toxic, people are passionate about their opinions, etc. I don’t want to step on any toes with my opinions. I don’t often post in depth or candidly about SW because I have friends from all parts of the fandom and I’d hate to hurt someone’s feelings. But these are my opinions! (Under a cut :D)

I loved the movie. At first I wasn’t sure, but I saw it a second time with a friend and I loved it. Does it have plot holes, inconsistencies, and issues? Absolutely. It does. It’s far from perfect and I absolutely understand why so many people have such intensely negative reactions to it. 

But if I’m being 100% honest I just wasn’t one of those people. Yes, it was rushed. But that made it interesting from start to finish. I almost always step out to use the restroom during a movie in theaters. I think it’s a mental thing–I’m constantly thinking of how I DON’T want to step out to pee, so I always have to haha. But I didn’t even think about it once during this movie! I just had that much fun watching it. 

I can acknowledge that it had a lot of weaknesses, though, and I’ll talk about that first. I think most of the issues were a result of the film being the end of a trilogy that was helmed by two different people. It felt confused to me at points because I could see where JJ was trying to stick to what he clearly wanted to explore post-TFA while also trying to pick up where Rian Johnson left off post-TLJ. It’s like they had different visions and JJ was trying to include aspects of both in TROS. In a lot of ways, that didn’t work. I don’t want to go into too many nitpicky details but I can sum up my one big gripe by saying I think Finn was done wrong. 

I think this movie had a lot of big character moments for Rey, Ben, and Poe, but I don’t feel like Finn got his due. I also think that from a shipping standpoint he was treated really unfairly. I genuinely felt while watching TFA that JJ was trying to lay the groundwork for canon Finnrey. In TLJ, Johnson went in a different direction with Finnrose and Reylo. So the problem, to me, is that in TROS JJ tried to follow up with Johnson’s Reylo groundwork while still including nuggets of Finnrey. Watching the film, it seems abundantly clear to me that Finn was harboring feelings for Rey that were unrequited. His devotion to her felt one-sided and the almost-love-confession in the sinking sand seemed to confirm that for me. I realize at some fan panel JJ apparently said that what Finn was really going to confess was that he was Force-sensitive, not that he loved Rey. But any viewer watching the movie without that knowledge would not get that from it imo, so the average viewer is left thinking the writing left Finn in unrequited love with Rey. And the writing completely brushed the Finnrose relationship to the side. I’m a Finnrey shipper so I didn’t really love Finnrose to begin with. But since Johnson started it, I honestly don’t know why JJ didn’t just continue it if he was going to continue Reylo. It seems better than spending time establishing Finn’s continued feelings for Rey only to leave him alone, especially since TLJ ended with Finnrose: it should have been easy enough to pick up their relationship and carry it forward. I know unrequited love exists, and exploring it in fiction can be poignant. But in this case it just didn’t track to me, and felt like a slap in the face to Finn’s character and anyone who was shipping Finnrey, Finnrose, or even Finnpoe. There seemed to be no reason to write Finn’s actions toward Rey the way they did if they weren’t going to put them together. Finn wasn’t together with anyone in the end. And in the same vein, shoehorning in a past romance for Poe with Keri Russell’s character just felt like a cheap way to make sure Finnpoe wasn’t going to happen. Idk. But these were the only aspects I really didn’t like. 

I loved the many displays of Rey’s incredible power. I loved seeing Rey use the Force to heal, just like we saw Baby Yoda do in that week’s episode of The Mandalorian. I thought the scene where she accidentally used Force lightning was chilling and interesting foreshadowing for Rey Palpatine, even though I don’t really love that she’s a Palpatine. That being said, as a scorned Dany fan, I really enjoyed the message that who you are by blood should not define you. GoT ultimately ended with the message that your family and your family’s legacy are inescapable, grim realities. TROS had a much more hopeful message. This is also an important message to me personally because I have a lot of baggage with my father and his side of the family. It’s something I’ve struggled with. I never want to be like him. That aspect of Rey’s inner conflict was really beautiful to me and I think Daisy portrayed her struggle with darkness very well. I also thought her vision of dark!Rey was terrifying and really well done. The scene of her looking in the mirror at herself under Ahch-To in TLJ was probably my favorite scene of that movie so I liked seeing JJ utilize similar imagery there.

I loved seeing the trio together on a mission. The chemistry between Daisy, John, and Oscar is excellent and the comedy and wholesomeness between them is what made the movie so fun and memorable imo. I would have been happy with an OT3 for their characters, but c’est la vie haha.I loved the fan service. What can I say? I’m a fan: I like to be serviced lol. I know it was cheesy to some people, but Force Ghost!Luke lifting his X-Wing out of the water for Rey made me tear up. It was a nice callback to the moment with Luke and Yoda on Dagobah. Speaking of callbacks, I also loved the final shot with the binary sunset on Tatooine. I’ll admit I don’t really get why Rey has BB-8, or why she’s alone, or why she would choose to live in a place that even Luke wanted desperately to leave… but the visual and musical parallel to ANH got me right in the feels in the best way.

I loved seeing Ian McDiarmid return as Palpatine, who was as delightfully evil as ever. I don’t really understand how or why Palpatine had to come back, and I am not satisfied with the explanation for Snoke. But the Emperor is a classic and an iconic character I love. Having him as the ultimate baddy was satisfying in its own way. I also thought everything abot Exegol and the Sith fortress was terrifying and visually stunning. Even the sound effects of the lightning, and the way that blended with ominous music, was really interesting to me. I loved almost every sequence that took place on Exegol.

Lastly, (and this is the part I have been nervous to post about haha) I liked Ben Solo. I am not a Reylo shipper. That’s not something I talk about really because I have a ton of Reylo friends and I really treasure those people. The last thing I want to do is hurt their feelings or make them feel unwelcome on my blog. But In TFA and TLJ I didn’t really see that many redeeming qualities in Kylo Ren, and I certainly don’t ship him with Rey. I liked the character as a villain from the first moment I heard Adam Driver’s epic voice and saw Kylo Ren freeze Poe’s blaster bolt in stasis using the Force. I thought he was cool and I loved the crazy sound effects and unstable appearance of his unique lightsaber. But I just didn’t really romanticize him at all. I also thought TLJ ended on a pretty definitively negative note for the character. He told his men in no uncertain terms to blow the Falcon out of the sky with Rey in it. And I didn’t think killing Han and trying to kill Luke was something he was going to come back from. I didn’t really want “Bendemption.” 

I say all this because I think this is one of the reasons why TROS impressed me so much. When it actually happened, I was happy that Kylo was redeemed as Ben. The scene with Han reminded me that above all, this is Han and Leia’s son. No matter how much of a villain I thought Kylo Ren was, I didn’t want Han and Leia both to die and for their son to die in disgrace without ever having made amends for the things he’d done. I couldn’t love Han and Leia the way I do without hoping for some semblance of peace for their family. And when he took off the Kylo Ren getup and dressed more like a regular guy, when he adopted some of Han’s personality, when he stormed into Palpatine’s lair on Exegol blaster blazing, and most of all when he wielded a Jedi’s lightsaber alongside Rey, I loved it. I really, truly loved it. And for someone who went into the movie theater expecting to hate that aspect of the story, I think that speaks volumes. They won me over. They made me like Ben Solo. I don’t really think it’s a great social message for the real world in 2019 to forgive him despite all he’s done. But if I divorce it from real-world implications and just treat it like Star Wars, I’m actually glad it happened the way it did. Leia deserved to have her death mean something. She gave the last of her strength to reach out to her son. Not to Kylo Ren, but to Ben Solo. She and the audience both deserved to see Ben Solo before the end. And for him to make the ultimate sacrifice for Rey was, to me, the best possible way he could go out. I found it to be a very compelling end. His death made me surprisingly sad, but it was a noble death.

Anyway, like I said above, I know the movie has a lot of issues. I haven’t even addressed a fraction of the things I could say about this movie–both good and bad. But ultimately I boil it down to how a movie makes me feel. This one left a strong emotional impact on me and I was happy to watch it a second time. I laughed, I cried, I reflected on why I’ve loved Star Wars for my entire life. So I have to say I liked it. Sorry for the giant answer haha :P

#answered #i realize i am in the tumblr minority with this opinion lol #please don't hate me guys

[moonsandstarsaregay]

3 / 10 / 9 / 14 I wanna know EVERYTHING XD

HI ILY!!! <33333

10. name a dog

WHICH DOG!!!  AAAAH! ok but : Ferdinant!!! XD  

9. favorite brand of clothing?

Hi so i have thought myself into a bind about the topic of clothing bc i hate the industry and the sweatshops and that everything you buy is made to fall apart after washing it 4 times and im just... tired... and it’s super inconvenient and sometimes unrealistic and i’m incredibly flawed and inconsistent with it but yeah. The “conscious” kind of brands are mostly way too expensive and i often also think their clothes are kind of lame. (Unless you go to the REALLY expensive brands.) 

But yeah so my strategy has been to trade with / borrow from friends if i want something “new” or to go to thrift shops :) so that doesn’t really leave a favourite brand UNLESS!!! i count the self made clothes my friends makes they are AMAZING i don’t know if she has a brand name but i love them they’re so cool. 

14. what’s your coffee order?

Either a cappuccino with oat milk or an iced coffee with oat milk or coconut milk and a tiny bit of vanilla syrup :)

3. rant. just do it

gonna put this under the cut XD

I was walking to the supermarket today and i was thinking that it’s so fucking weird how this is like, a “city”, but it’s so small that it feels kind of like a village. But then like, a really strange village.

The street I was walking down is literally entirely made out of diamond shops. It’s like one continuous display case, stuffed FULL of glittering jewellery, mostly diamonds, with the occasional emerald, ruby or sapphire. It’s so fucking surreal if you think about it. 

And I can’t understand how all these diamond shops can stay in business! They basically all sell the same product. Like the style of the jewellery doesn’t really differ between shops. 

So they’re just there, undisturbed behind bullet proof glass, in this tiny city with way too little diamond-buying people. A field of diamonds shining in the blue light. Kind of like? Eternal snow? 

#ok so the rant isn't really a rant more like #a thought lol #also i'm so fucking bad at navigating shops that like #i went to the asian supermarket #and it took me half an hour to find noodles #FUCKING NOODLES #shops are overwhelming man #asks #ask games

[l0ve-pand0ra]

unpopular my hero opinions!!! waaa if u get offended they arent real ppl. and fyi this is one of my all time favorite animes.

1. todoroki isnt less cool now bc hes not the stoic asshole with no friends. the only reason yall think that is bc he gets so little screen time and time to shine bc when he does hes so much better then deku so they constantly dim his character down

2. todoroki would have made a more compelling and interesting and believable main character rather then deku.

3. deku was Never the underdog, he got all mights (the #1 heros) quirk Given to him for FREE. and all might favors him and gives him special treatment. and he gets away with everything. his family is super supportive. hes deadass not the underdog just bc he breaks his bones for a while. especially after season 2, underdog my ass

4. it makes zero sense that todorokis deep rooted issues and trauma got resolved with some words in a couple of episodes. meanwhile it takes bakugou 4 season to even consider changing his mindset on deku. even though bakugous whole issue is something he MADE UP in his head. again, todoroki getting done dirty

5. deku should not have beaten overhaul. when he went out to fight i literally rolled my eyes. sure the fight was impressive with stunning animation and sure he had eri. but ur telling me a freshman beat a villian with a quirk that allows him disassemble and reassemble matter which if you forgot what matter is it everything around you everything including the air.

6. todoroki and Bakugo werent in season 4 for much of it purely because of how popular they are and how much more people prefer them to Deku

7. sir nighteye rlly died without recognizing deku as being worthy of one for all... welp

8. shinsou got set up to the max going up against deku who for whatever reason on that day decided to tap into some dead mfs living inside him.... COME ON

9. this one isn’t unpopular but HOW DID U.A NOT THINK TO USE SHINSOU DURING THE OVERHAUL CASE???? like i understand hes not in the hero course but dude.......

10. my hero has weak villains, the  league is a joke with no clear direction for the whole anime, they start showing promise at the end of the overhaul arc. n i adore the league n its members but in the anime the jus seem lost with no clear direction ... and all for one aint all that. stain on the otherhand is the only good villain with conviction and is super compelling the stain arc was way ahead of its time

11. WHY TF DOES IIDA GET SO MUCH SCREEN TIME,???? FUCKING MOVE LIKE HES NOT EVEN COOL???????

12. tetsutetsu deserved to be in class 1A and has more charisma and likability then most of class 1A.

13. monama has a reason to be peeved, like come on 1B is literally known as lesser 1A... that is annoying

14. present mic is ugly n just bc him and aizawa are friends doesn’t mean you Have to ship them together. aizawa can do so much better.

15.(basically point 2 expanded lol) todoroki should have been the main character. hes way more compelling and has a way clearer goal then deku. now if deku became the worlds first quirkless hero thats one thing. but can you imagine todoroki having to decide if he should accept all mights power and if he does is he doing it for the right reason? or seeing an  in-depth look into his family situation. like come on the set up with dabi being his archenemy secret brother, n if u want some bland het romance him and momo. bruh it writes itself.

16. deku having multipal quirks is such Bullshit. like come on giving him more quirks wont make him more of a compelling character.

17. the history of one for all makes no sense. i dont understand sure its buliding of power that gets passed on but,?? why couldn’t all might use all the quirks of the past users, why wasnt he able to see them like deku??? and idk it feels like they are always changing some part of one for all making it inconsistent.

18. bakugou has the best hero custome

19. the show is missing a character in 1A with a healing quirk. i feel like having someone like that would have really added to the show and would have been interesting.

20. tamaki is so much cooler then mirio, his quirk is so much stronger and dont get me wrong I love mirio and his quirk is incredible but tamaki basically as acess to an unlimited amount of quirks. plus its not just food he ate that crystal guys crystal n produced them. its badass

22. todoroki and bakugou not passing the hero exame was bs. todoroki was provoked by the baldheaded kid and he’s the one who started the fight not Todoroki. bakugou is himself and does not do fake comfort hes not all might, whats important is saving people if he gets the job done who cares. them not passing was jus an excuse to push their characters aside for the season.

23. the gentle arc was lame and made no sense especially bc of the roller coaster that was the overhaul arc. i understand that’s the point of it was so Deku realizes that not all villains are these horrible nasty people that are human too but like the placement was just so weird especially since it was before the endeavor and hawks arc it just made no sense to me at least. it just seem like another way to make the viewers think Deku is super cool main character. and once again he gets to defeat a villain all by himself... le sigh

24. bakugous anger is completely unjustified the entire series. I adore Bakugou and I adore his character and he is one of my favorite anime characters ever but He has no reason to be mad he has an awesome quirk he’s a prodigy at everything he does he has both his parents he’s wealthy he is well liked and popular where is the justification for his anger and I’m not saying that just because you have a nice life doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to be angry but this dude is yelling is mad all the time there’s issue with that. and as I stated previously his issue is something he made up in his head. he construed a narrative in his head who deku is.

25. anyone else feel like U.A is understaffed ?

26. that wood hero is a misogynist and hates women... he was real up in arms about mont lady when she was the one who actually stopped and captured that villain.

28. best jeanist is so cool im so sad where is he please come home. he’s literally the coolest pro hero. i dont like how he tried to change bakugou but he had a point on bakugous attuide being a bit much sometimes.

29. endeavor does not deserve a redemption arc stop normalizing forgiving your abusers people don’t have to forgive their abusers no matter if they’re their parents.  and choosing not to forgive them doesn’t mean that you’re holding onto this huge anger and it’s holding you back it just means you choose not to associate with them and to keep them away from you and I totally understand that Todoroki technically needs his father to teach him how to improve them but he doesn’t have to forgive him neither do his siblings they have every right to hold endeavor accountable for everything hes done!

30. MY HERO IS AMAZING AND THESE OPINIONS WERE JUS TO HAVE FUN AND MEAN NO HARM!!!! REMINDER THIS IS ALL FOR JOKES AND FOR FUN AND U DONT HAVE TO AGREE!!!!! my hero is one of the best shonen animes up there with the classics like naruto dbz and one piece, and also am i in no way actually criticizing the author lol Horikoshi has more talent on the tips of his finger nails then my whole bloodline will probably ever have lol !



#my hero academia #unpopular thoughts #boku no hero academia #midoriya izuku #anime #katsuki bakugō

[saints-row-2]

film watch day 12: Apostle

Apostle dropped today and i was pretty excited about seeing it but man it missed the mark for me by a few miles. looking at reviews im apparently the only person who thought this so maybe im just fucking stupid but i got as much right to run my fuckin mouth as anyone else on the internet so lets break this shit down. spoilers ahead sorry!

Apostle is about Thomas Richardson, who is called by his estranged father to travel to a distant island where a cult is holding Thomas’ sister to ransom. Thomas travels undercover to the island to try and rescue his sister, only to become embroiled in the problems of the cult.

ok so straight up the first goddamn issue with this movie is that i couldnt fucking follow it. i found it wildly unclear who particular characters were meant to be or why they were important, and struggled hard to follow the action. it doesnt help that multiple scenes are so dark its hard to actually see whats going on. the pacing felt so haphazard at times; things very suddenly started breaking bad halfway through the movie and i wasnt entirely clear on why everything had to go to shit so rapidly.

theres an extended subplot in the film about a young man and woman on the island who are in love. the woman is pregnant. their love is forbidden, but its never explained why. it later becomes apparent her father hates him, but thats not explained why either. i would have been willing to wave this away if thered been like, two lines of dialogue about her father hating him for A Reason, but the film doesnt afford us even that. this subplot adds nothing to the major plot, themes, or development of the main character. you could remove it from the film entirely and it would affect more or less nothing. it would reduce the number of scenes the main villain has, but it wouldnt affect his motivation or his actions later in the movie. it takes up maybe an hour of screen time and is of no consequence at all.

the time spent on that plot would have been much better spent on developing... anything. i obviously dont expect or particularly want detailed explanations of the magical shit, but the film brings up so many themes and does nothing with them. is Thomas the new saviour of the cult? is he tied to the goddess? is he going to fall for the charms of the leader? is he going to overcome his opium addiction? is he going to deal with his hatred of god? 

an extended moment is given to Thomas talking to the daughter of the leader of the cult about her difficult relationship with her father after the death of her mother. shes a pretty important character in the movie, and so is the leader of the cult. is this relationship ever brought up again? Nope! they have, to my recollection, one scene together. Thomas talks to her extensively about coming to terms with the bad things her father has done. does this ever get resolved? no, and in fact, her father is ultimately portrayed as a noble character and a hero. does she have a response to that? no.

the characterisation in this film is incredibly scattershot. characters do shit because the plot dictates. i could not possibly explain what the main villain’s motivation is. information and exposition get dolled out at random. i couldnt even tell you what Thomas’ personality is, because it all gets dropped abruptly halfway through the film. 

not even the imagery of the cult is consistent. are they a christian sect? a pagan cult worshipping nature? are they politically motivated anti-royalists? are they communists trying to forge a more equal society? all of these get brought up and nnnnnnone of it gets expanded on. not even the fucking nature theme, something that for a fucking folk horror movie should be at the heart of the film, is only draped on in particular areas. 

i found the film overall confusing, inconsistent, and often stupid in very ridiculous ways. theres a scene where a character shoots a gun at a wall, causing a chunk in the wall to be blown out and fire from outside to shoot through the hole. this fire affects nothing despite the attention paid to it. a character ten seconds later shoots the same gun at the same wall and it does nothing. sure, i guess. 

#rantsfilmwatch