#im miserable and like it goes away when im distracted by doing work and stuff

[majimemegoro]

meet kadokura. bored obsessive rich arms dealer and military contractor who also has ties with organized crime; sometime serial killer. friends with sagawa and andre richardson. drinker of absinthe. black monday affiliate. stalker. REALLY likes guns. 

this is mostly for @skygayzer whos writing kadokura into something, but i guess i might as well post it. please be warned that this is a horrible horrible man

appearance/mannerisms

average height or below, but taller than sato. does work out pretty regularly, im imagining like kickboxing or something, but hes nowhere near as fit or starved as he was in his mercenary days. basically an impressive body for a businessman and no better than that. good shoulders, fairly thin, no six pack in sight.

hes handsome and charming. a little bit lined up, especially smile lines and around his eyes. the vibes are like.... a 35-year-old, but whos been a lil toasted. a lil scorched and dried up.

smiles easily and often, expressive face and body.

Jaw Line Of The Ages

in the later timeline, probably does have a bit of grey hair but dyes it. hair slightly wavy but he keeps it pretty short

well dressed but not flashy. hes a businessman, you got your white shirt, your boring dark grey two-piece suit or whatever, some kinda tie, idk

he often fidgets with his arms and legs or stuff he has in his pockets (gun, screwdriver, cigarettes). but is also capable of sitting perfectly still and being or pretending to be relaxed. a bit of an oral fixation and will chew on objects or eat hard candy occasionally

basic life stuff/habits

lets start with the root issue: hes a total nihilist. he doesnt believe that anything matters and hes just out to have a good time as long as he can.

all of this does make him miserable on a fundamental level but hes Very skilled at pushing those feelings away and distracting himself with work and pleasure.

no fear of death, little self-preservation instinct. but also excited by competence so if hes like attacked or whatever hes not gonna just lie down and die.

lives in sapporo, i think he probably grew up there too. has a mansion outside the city. also has apartments in tokyo and osaka bc hes there often for work. also has a property in the county outside tokyo, in the forest, where he can Deal With Stuff Quietly (like probelmatic people etc.). fun fact thats where [y0 spoilers] nishiki brought kiryu in the car. that was the driveway to kadokura’s Dirty Tricks House

hes pretty good at operating on little sleep, but actually keeps a fairly regular and sane sleeping schedule. say 6-7 hours a night except when hes doing insane thing or working late for some deadline or important deal. may use substnces to supplement sleep where necessary.

drinks alcohol on the regular but in moderation. certified Absinthe EnjoyerTM but likes other stuff too, not too picky. does sometimes get insanely intoxicated but its usually on purpose. overall he has control over his drinking habits though they arent exactly healthy

does smoke, but not a huge amount. like once or twice a day, sometimes less.

at least in the yakuza (but some of his legit business partners too) people mostly know whats up with him but no one makes a big deal about it bc hes influential and important. sometimes you just gotta turn a blind eye to the fact that your arms supplier is a serial killer on the side. power structures be like that.

in general hes surprisingly easygoing, like he will laugh along if someone who knows him calls him a twisted cycle path or whatever.

that said, he can be sensitive about little things, like if someone teases him regarding some minor aspect of his appearance, or doesnt respect his reputation. BLACKLISTED.

work

hes like... in charge of a weapons manufacturing company and involved with arms trade stuff idk

what does he actualy do??? uhhhhhh he goes to meetings and talks on the phone and sometimes attends conferences and shows. travels a lot. schmoozes. i guess hes supposedly involved in development a little too, always happy to get his grubby little hands on prototype weapons

his business is legit but he has tons of ties to organized crime soooo idk. hes invested in having an appearance as an upright businessman though so he tries not to screw anyone over too obviously. surprisingly reliable partner..... most of the time.

also a surprisingly good boss. despite his bad traits, hes reasonable and accommodating to his employees (both in his company and the staff at his house). would never hurt or kill any of them. generous with pay and bonuses.

has no nishida figure, because he dismisses any personal assistant when they seem to start caring too much about him. spreads the work out so he never relies too much on just one person (that’s a recipe for disaster)

relationships

ties with both the tojo clan and omi alliance. espeicllay strong ties with the hokkaido yakuza and Kitakata bc thats where hes based but yknow. hokkaidos small fry.

also close ties with jingweon mafia

international arms dealer so sells to govts and stuff like that too

friends with sagawa

beef with nishiki’s parents & especially his dad

personally headhunted sato kiyoshi into becoming an assassin

beef with nishitani, idk why really

collects skilled killers

spare time/hobbies

really likes guns and shooting so will go to public or private shooting ranges when he gets the chance, to watch people at work and scope out talent or just keep an eye on who the good marksmen are. also has his own private shooting range which has a huge one-way mirror so he can watch without being seen.

he likes going to parties & clubbing etc., when hes in the mood, which is often but not all the time. doesnt like tripping out or doing any psychedelic drugs but otherwise is up to try pretty much anything.

will go to hostess clubs and stuff but not interested in dating or flings

why does he go then ??? not sure, maybe he gets a thrill out of acting normal with the girls but thinking about killing them idk. generally would not kill a hostess though—too much fuss.

honestly prefers to spend most of his time at home alone, but i guess he doesnt have a lot of spare time. will cook and learn languages.

insanely good at learning languages. probably at least fluent in english, mandarin, korean, swahili, vietnamese and french. speaks english with british pronunciation lol

probably cant handle the tones in cantonese loser lol

cooks mostly fancy western stuff like steaks or whatever

there have been periods where he had someone locked in his basement to torment when he felt like it. hasnt done that for awhile probably but the facilities are still there.

mostly only does recreational serial killing when hes in an extreme state of stress and doesnt have anything better to distract him.

what is better to distratct him? Stalking and fixating on an interesting person of course! Likes to sponsor/corrupt people he thinks have the potential to be excellent assassins.

fighting

hes not like a world class fighter or anything, but he is practised and brutal where necessary. soldier’s training rather than fancier martial arts.

really good marksman with a handgun. also good with machine guns. not a great sniper, but competent enough.

i think he uses one of those big brutal looking assisted-open knifes.

backstory

what was his childhood like? how did he end up so rich and powerful?? we just dont know and good luck getting him to talk about it. he wont even tell ME.

but during the mid-late 1960s at least he was a mercenary and did war crimes in the congo. probably involved in a few other conflicts closer to home but idk the details. i only put him in the congo because he worked with Roland and Van Owen tbh

I dont know if he was already rich at that point & was just mercing for fun & experience or if he hadnt yet had material succes. It Is A Mystery.

kadokura might actually be a fake name.

anway if you read all this thanks i guess! kadokura is OPEN-SOURCE to my comrades and if you ever want to name drop him in anything or straight up use him as a character, you can do that, including if you want to contradict any of the stuff i wrote here. he contains multitudes. just tag me or whatever so i can see !!! also lemme know if you have an OC who seems like they would interact with him and i can try to at least do a name-drop somewhere >:)

oh yea and ifyou want to ur allowed to kill him too, he deserves it <3

#kadokura #my oc #memecomradeoriginal #yakuza oc #if anyone with yakuza OC reading this please make a similar post so i can see !

[ilovethecolorpink]

college is just *goes fucking insane*

#my roommate. #having no social life bc all i do is work. #having 3 and a half friends. #spending the weekends nearly constantly alone and hiding on friday and saturday nights so no one thinks ur a loser #im miserable and like it goes away when im distracted by doing work and stuff #like i like my school i just idk #i fucking despise my roommate shes the worst part i think im going to my ra tomorrow bc i cant fuvking take another day of her being #inconsiderate towards me #like if u wanna wait til midnight to do homework fine but do it anywhere fucking else #i wanna sleep #im crying in bed for the 48291 time bc of her ha ha ha #im sorry for being sad i can only just bottle it in for so long and im also just so fucking angry #ive started being like purposely loud and shit while shes sleeping and im getting ready cuz its not like she tries to be quiet when im #sleeing or doesnt turn off her five MILLION LOUD ASS ALARMS THAT GO OFF AT 7 AM THAT SHE NEVER NEEDS OR GETS UP TO BC SHE GOES RIGHT BACK TO #SLEEP. GOD #shes doesnt talk to me and the one time she did she had the AUDACITY to ask me to drive her to the train station at 6:30 in the morning #like no. fuck you #i just want thanksgiving break and then winter break is soon after but its all so far away :( #mine

[rivetgoth]

im a transsexual guy who had top surgery last wednesday and we really Goin Thru It over here - you maybe got any cool tips that helped you recover after they carved you? stapled sutured but every time we touch then i still ooze blood and plasma onto my bandages, yknow. love ur vibe btw dude - guys like you keep the scene fun. stay evil

HEY, I hopped on my comp the second I saw this message cuz I wanted to type up a proper reply instead of battling the tiny iPhone keyboard lol. Firstly though, congrats on your surgery!! And also thank you, this is a super sweet message and I appreciate the compliments a ton, thank yew ;;w;;

ANYWAY, if it’s any consolation, about a week into my recovery I got hit with the worst post-surgery depression. I was out of my Oxycodone and so frustrated with how much pain I was still in and how sensitive and weak I felt and being forced to sleep on my back and the fact that I still had to “bind” even though I had gone through all that specifically so I didn’t have to bind anymore LOL. I had thought not being able to shower was miserable enough but showering actually worsened my mood because everything was just so sensitive and sore and stiff, I remember just straight up crying in the shower once or twice. I jus say this stuff cuz I super feel you, it was pretty difficult at times and it made me feel really frustrated because I was simultaneously so happy about getting the surgery but that was so hindered by the bad feelings I was dealing with due to how draining recovery was. It was really reassuring and also hilarious when I googled stuff about post-top surgery depression and actually found a piece written by a trans dude in the industrial scene who I was actually already friends with LMAO. And more than anything I’m just hugely thankful for my friends who were there for me during recovery at that time and helped me through it and put up with my complaining and weakness. My roommates didn’t make me do the dishes for a few weeks and little things like THAT meant the total world to me :’)

Anyway though, I do think my biggest piece of advice is to remember above all else that all of this is very, very short term. When you’re in this much pain and discomfort, especially if it’s like, your first major surgery (it was for me), it can be super easy I feel to become semi convinced that it’ll just be like this forever, and it can feel really hopeless and frustrating, and trying to remember that this is only gonna be for a few weeks to a month or two at most and then you’ll be back to normal is really reassuring. And the pay off is so worth it because afterwards you have the entire rest of your life to live with a way way way more comfortable happy relationship to your body and being able to wear the clothes you want without any discomfort at all and exist in the world in such a happier state of mind. There’s only so much advice I can give for the physical discomfort, but I think psychologically, that really is the most important thing. It can be really frustrating or stressful seeing how weak or painful it all is or seeing how fucked up your nipples or scars might look but it really is such a short term thing in exchange for an entire lifetime where you’re so much happier overall.

But as for the physical discomfort, I do think my advice is gonna be pretty obvious, which is just to keep taking pain meds and taking it easy. I was on a shitload of Ibuprofen for forever (I was taking like, 600 mg every 6 hours or so). I think that’s really the most you can do to minimize it. Luckily, I do think the pain all goes away pretty quickly. Like, within a week or two after the Oxycodone wore off the pain started to become way more manageable too. I also think it’s a good idea to try to just not think too much about the injuries themselves, I know I can be a HUGE hypochondriac and I worry a ton about stuff and there were times where I’d become so obsessively concerned about my nipples healing properly or something. Just try to do whatever instructions your doctor gave you and other than that don’t really mess with it, try to distract yourself with easy stuff like watching movies or playing games or talking to friends and just let your body do its thing. If you become really concerned about something talk to your doctor, or even just check places like FTM subreddits, because a lot of the time whatever you’re going through is something that a shitload of other guys have gone through too and it’s likely you’ll already find some threads where your concerns are dispelled. Other than that though, try not to let yourself get too focused on the scars or the nipples or any of the weird or gross or painful stuff going on, I think it’ll only cause more stress and discomfort. Every time I was kinda worried about something, when I saw my doctor about it at the next post-op he would tell me it looked completely fine, lol. Also remember that your body is REALLY going thru it right now, even though it’s your chest that’s primarily been actively impacted, it’s really your whole body trying to adjust to having been seriously physically traumatized. I had some really weird physical side effects all over, like a weird restless leg experience, some weird stomach issues, lots of soreness near my shoulders, and all of those things went away with time, it’s just your body readjusting and recovering.

But yeah, I know sometimes stuff like school and work can get in the way of being able to do this fully, but I do think my biggest advice is to just try to take it easy and take a lot of pain meds and rest your way through it. Eat well and stay hydrated, those sorts of cliche things. But also, more importantly, just remember that everything happening is very short term in the grand scheme of things, and as frustrating as it can all feel it is SO, so rewarding in the end. By the time you’re able to go out into the world without having to think about binding, and you’re able to wear whatever you want comfortably, and able to do things even as small as just walking up or down stairs without immediately feeling discomfort, or maybe you’re able to have a sexual encounter that doesn’t make you feel bad about your body… The few weeks of post-surgery discomfort will feel SO worth it.

And congrats again, anon!! 🎉

#I HOPE THIS WAS HELPFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111 #anonymous #ftm

[seokkie123]

Swish

-- showho, rated T, 1.7k words

for the prompt “weightlifting fairy kim bok joo” on twitter! I haven't watched this show, but I googled the plot and then somehow came up with this although it isn't exactly the same. also I really did not think it would be this long asdfgh I didn’t wanna write out full sentences so I did this script type thing, but the next thing i know the damn thing is over 1000 words smh @ myself. anyway I hope you enjoy uwu

Lee Hoseok: champion weightlifter of X University, won multiple awards with his impressive display of strength despite having a somewhat leaner frame, however his personality is a complete 360 from his body— the softest man you’ll ever meet, cries at sad movies, loves his family to death, strangely does not seem to have many friends...

Son Hyunwoo: supposedly captain of X University’s pro level swim team, probably has the same number of trophies as disqualifications... no doubt the best on the team but rarely shows up to practices, has the body of a greek god but his aloof, occasionally rude personality turns people away

Lee Jooheon: Hoseok’s close friend, training to lift weights himself, is the only one that knows Hoseok’s story, and why he doesn’t have many other friends, warm and friendly but don’t piss him off

Yoo Kihyun: Photographer and reporter for X University’s newspaper, has interviewed Hoseok several times, and Hyunwoo only once for 5 minutes, may have a thing going on with Changkyun but don’t tell Hyunwoo

Lee Minhyuk: one of the few rays of sunshine in Hyunwoo’s life, Hyunwoo’s roommate and close friend, also one of the only people Hyunwoo trusts to tell the truth about Changkyun

Chae Hyungwon: kind of a mystery since he’s either asleep, drowning in a hoodie and long hair, or modeling for Kihyun, used to date Jooheon, extremely observant and knows more than the rest think he does

Im Changkyun: Hyunwoo’s adopted younger brother, knows how soft Hyunwoo really is, very sheltered by Hyunwoo after what happened in their past, rarely leaves the house, instead studying on his own and winning scholarships to keep them both from drowning in debt

—-

Scene starts with Hoseok complaining to Jooheon about wanting someone to cuddle, someone to love. They’re studying at the library but Hoseok keeps getting distracted by a couple seated a few rows away so Jooheon proposes an idea.

Jooheon: You know what? Today’s the day. [slams hands on his desk]

Hoseok: Huh?

Jooheon: We’re gonna get you a boyfriend. Or at least kickstart your nonexistent love life. Come on, pack your stuff, you’re not doing work anyway. I know exactly where to go to find guys your type.

Hoseok: [flailing] Wha— wait—

They leave the library, Jooheon briefly pulling Hoseok behind a wall to avoid talking to his ex before heading over to the campus gym.

Hoseok: [pouty] Jooheonie, I work out here all the time, I won’t find anyone—

Jooheon: [puts his hand over Hoseok’s mouth] No. Tell me who you like and I’ll make it happen.

They watch people entering and leaving the gym for a few minutes, then Hoseok finally points to someone talking to the guy at the counter.

Jooheon: [visibly pales] Don’t point at him!! You’re... You’re kidding right?

Hoseok: [innocently confused]

Jooheon: Fuck, you’re not kidding are you.

Hoseok: No? He looks hot.. I mean he’s probably too hot for me but—

Jooheon: No, no hyunggg... that’s Son Hyunwoo, captain of our swim team.

Jooheon goes on to tell a wide-eyed Hoseok about Hyunwoo’s reputation.

Hoseok: Really? Are you sure those aren’t rumors... If he’s the captain then there’s no way he can be that bad..

Jooheon: I’m just telling you what I know but if you still want to go after him then it’s your call.

Hoseok: Hmm... I might. Not because I want to date him but because I want to know more about him.

Hyunwoo is seen leaving the gym, walking their way.

Jooheon: Hyung, don’t do something stupid—

Hoseok: [determined] The first step of my plan is to get him to notice me! So I’m just gonna walk by and pretend to be on my phone and bump into him, wish me luck!

Hoseok walks his way, weaving through a few other people walking by, and ducks his head, pretending to be absorbed in his phone. But he hadn’t taken into account how fast Hyunwoo was walking, and before he can stop, they quite literally collide, and Hoseok is pushed away.

Hyunwoo: [not looking at him] Stay the fuck away from me.

Hoseok: [rubbing his arm, upset and mad] Wha... What the hell?!

Jooheon: [runs up to Hoseok once the coast is clear and Hyunwoo is gone] Hyung!! Are you okay?!

Hoseok: No! He can’t just do that me, he doesn’t even know me!

Jooheon: Aaaah, I knew something bad would come out of this... He’s just like that sometimes, don’t take it personally.

Hoseok: [furious] I have to take it personally! He pushed me and was downright rude to me and im gonna make him apologize! [rushes off in the opposite direction]

Jooheon: [softly] What have I done?

Next scene has Hoseok outside of the swimming pool, waiting to confront Hyunwoo. Most of the other guys are out of the water since practice ended a few minutes ago but Hyunwoo is still swimming laps, much to Hoseok’s annoyance. After 10 minutes he finally gets out and Hoseok rushes in.

Hoseok: [stuttering] Son Hyunwoo!! [starts to fluster while watching his dripping wet body]

Hyunwoo: [glances over] Do I know you?

Hoseok: [almost shaking under Hyunwoo’s gaze] You should. You shoved me and were rude to me for no reason!! I want an apology!

Hyunwoo: [watches Hoseok bored] I think you have the wrong person.

Hoseok: I don’t!! It was two days ago, outside the gym, I was walking by and bumped into me and then told me to get the fuck away from you or something!

Hyunwoo: [blinks] Ah. I remember now.

Hoseok:....and?

Hyunwoo: I wasn’t talking to you.

Hoseok: What?! So it wasn’t you who pushed me either?? Just admit you’re a dick and apologize to me.

Hyunwoo: Hey...

Hoseok: [shrinks a little, stepping back] It really hurt my arm you know... and what kind of person just goes around saying...

At that moment a few swimmers walk by between Hyunwoo and Hoseok. Hoseok steps back to give them space, but then slips and falls right into the pool. The other guys maybe let out a few laughs but quickly move on, not bothered to stay. Hyunwoo seems puzzled, but doesn’t do anything until it’s clear Hoseok can’t swim.

Hyunwoo: [sighs] Of course he can’t swim..

Without much grace, Hyunwoo dives back into the pool and easily lifts Hoseok to the surface. Hoseok is coughing, clinging onto Hyunwoo and quite honestly looks miserable. Looking down at him, Hyunwoo feels something strange for a moment.

Hyunwoo: You should really stay away from pools if you can’t swim.

Hoseok: [still coughing, shaken up]

Hyunwoo: Well, I guess now is a good time to tell you I really wasn’t talking to you when I said to leave me alone. I had my earphones in one ear, and I don’t think you saw. And for shoving you... you kind of were in my way. [shrugs, a little awkward] I... I’m sorry I hurt your arm though.

Hoseok: [out of breath, not meeting Hyunwoo’s eyes once he realizes he’s still clinging onto him, and Hyunwoo hasn’t let go either] You... you’re bad at apologizing.

Hyunwoo: Thanks. I don’t do it much, so consider yourself special.

Hoseok: [blushes a tiny bit, unsure of what he meant by that]

Hyunwoo: [finally becomes aware of the fact that they haven’t moved, and treads them over to the steps out of the pool] Here, get up.

Hoseok: [frozen] I... can’t move my legs.

Hyunwoo: [supresses a sigh] Okay then hold onto me. [shifts Hoseok around onto his back, and with some effort, piggybacks him out of the pool]

Hoseok: [wobbles over to a chair and collapses in it] Um.. thanks for saving me. I’m sorry I called you a dick. [his teeth start to chatter]

Hyunwoo: [stares at the sight of a drenched and weak Hoseok for a second before leaving to the locker room]

Hoseok: [confused and upset when he doesn’t come back, gets up to head home while leaving a trail of water behind him, kind of wanting to cry] He... just left me... I guess this is my fault for overreacting again...

Hoseok makes it all the way through the sports facility, attracting stares as he does, and sniffling until he hears someone calling out.

Random guy: [running towards Hoseok] Hey! Hey you!

Hoseok: Me?

Random guy: You know there’s like no way the bus drivers will let you get on while you’re drippin water everywhere right?

Hoseok: [feeling close to tears again] I know. I was gonna walk home.

Random guy: Really? How far of a walk is it?

Hoseok:.... like an hour and a half.

Random guy: [laughs] Okay. Well if you wanna walk then I won’t stop you, but if you’d like towels and dry clothes we do have some—

Hoseok: Yes!! I mean.. yes, please. But where... how...

Random guy: Almost all the guys on the team always keep spare clothes in their lockers. The older guys tend to try and push everyone else into the pool as a prank... senior privileges. [brings Hoseok into the locker room]

Hoseok: [nervously glancing around hoping not to run into Hyunwoo, but at the same time wishing he could talk to him more]

Random guy: Hey, do you have the clothes?

Random guy #2: I need to talk to you. [glances at Hoseok] Dude, you look pathetic. Take these towels and dry yourself off, we’ll be back.

Hoseok: Oh... [watches the guys leave to have a hushed conversation a few lockers down, sighs and drys his hair and body as best as he can]

Once the guys come back, they have some clothes in their arms. They seem a bit nervous for some reason, but Hoseok is too grateful and happily accepts them anyway. He quickly throws the shirt and jeans on, liking that the shirt hangs a bit loosely on him. Hoseok thanks them again as he rushes out of the locker room, needing to get home and recount the happenings of today to Jooheon.

——

Scene changes to Hoseok getting off the bus at his stop. There seems to be some construction going on, so he takes another route to get to his tiny apartment.

He turns a corner, and almost bumps into someone.

Hoseok: [yelps, and jumps back so they don’t collide before staring up at him in horror]

Hyunwoo: [just looking Hoseok up and down]

Hoseok: Um. I didn’t know you lived around here— I was just— There was construction so— I’ll leave [tries to rush away from the awkward situation]

Hyunwoo: Wait.

Hoseok: [freezes]

Hyunwoo: Why are you wearing my clothes.

Hoseok: [internally having a meltdown] ...why is this my life.

~ to be continued ~

#showho #shownu #wonho #yea i called it x university bc i got too lazy to find a proper name #tbh writing this made me miss roleplaying so much sjhdjks its so much easier #easier and faster and lets me be more creative... sigh #rly wanna get back into it but idk how to find someone that will rp as seokkie for my hyunwoo #monsta x

[falsegoodnight]

so proud of u for accomplishing your writing goal!! thank you for feeding us good fics <3 i have a question but feel free to not answer it because it's not related to fandom stuff. how do u find the time to write? like are u an active student in uni? do u not have projects and homeworks? im so amazed by you

thank you so much!! so happy you enjoy my fics! 🥺💞 and don’t worry about non-fandom related stuff, i love answering questions and talking about writing!!

i am indeed an active student in uni 😓 and i definitely do have projects and assignments sjdjd ahh honestly i don’t always have time to write, but i try my hardest to make time for it when i can (whether it be a 15-20 min sprint before bed or before breakfast or frantically typing out stuff when i take the train instead of driving to campus — those little bits add up!!), and when i do set aside that time to write, i always do my best to make the most of that time. cutting out distractions, following my outline, and just focusing on getting words down on the document.

really it’s also just… discipline sjdjf i’m an extremely goal-oriented person and when i make a goal, i do everything possible to reach it (for better or worse 😓) i’m pretty dependent on to-do lists and scheduling stuff too so i always have some sort of timeline and schedule established for a fic (it doesn’t always go according to plan ofc, but that mental timeline/schedule is able to adjust and alter depending on changes like that).

like, ngl, sometimes i put too much pressure on myself to finish fics and it ends up affecting my mental health (and sometimes even physical… how many times have i stayed up way too late to get another thousand words down?? too many sjdkd) and that’s definitely not a good thing and i’m not recommending that at all!! i need to work on it!! i’ve sort of developed this sort of mindset that i constantly need to be working on something, and putting out consistent content, and that’s definitely unhealthy but unfortunately it goes a lot deeper than just fics for me sjdjd not to get too tmi but this is the sort of mindset and pattern i sort of grew up with, partly a product of how i was raised and the environment i’ve been surrounded with in school :/

i am getting away from the main point!!! basically if you are looking for advice (let me know if you are and i will try to write something a bit more coherent lol sorry 😭) i’d just say again that it’s about finding time where you can to write and making the most of it. i find great use in things like writing sprints, detailed outlines, or incentives (sour patch kids >>). using applications like blocksite make it easier not to get distracted (i think we could all write more if we cut out all the social media time sjdjd that’s not to say we should do that though! sometimes the mindless scrolling is just Necessary).

but above all, don’t ever pressure yourself to just spit out thousands of words!! writing is HARD, especially when you’re already mentally drained!! for me, writing is almost second nature. i’ve been writing my own stories consistently since i was 12 years old and it honestly feels deeper than just a hobby to me. if i could choose one thing to do for the rest of my life, it’d be writing (if you think i’m crazy for not saying sleeping… as someone who dreams a lot and whose dreams are always related to stories — either from already existing universes or made-up ones — it sounds like actual hell to have all these ideas for the rest of time and never be able to write them down 😣) when i go a week without writing, i feel off. it’s literally my favorite thing to do in the world. (i am getting sooo off topic i’m so sorry sjsjd) but even with this endless love for writing and knowing that it can bring you so much joy… sometimes it just doesn’t. sometimes writing is just purely frustrating and exhausting and miserable. and you should never ever force yourself to keep writing when it feels like that!! because writing IS supposed to be fun and you should only do it when it is. (i also need to listen to this advice </3)

okay i think this ask can be summed up as the inane ramblings of a tired college student during finals week 😵‍💫 but hopefully there was something useful in it??? somewhere???

#asks #i’m so sorry sjdjd #edit: holy shit this is SO LONG ahh #i’m not even on my laptop so i can’t put the keep reading damn it sjdjd

[ask-svt-hearteu]

Hogwarts! Wonwoo

Anon requested: “Hii ♡ I loved Joshua’s hogwarts au and I was wondering if you could pretty please do wonwoo’s too? 🙏🏻”

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 1848

not a lot of people really know his name

he’s just known around as the handsome ravenclaw bookworm

pureblood and heir to his family

but really chill about it 

people will seeing him sitting alone at the library and they’re like 

“who’s that”

“i dont know but i’ve seem him hanging around with junhui”

“well he’s cute”

wears these circle farmed glasses and people aren’t really sure if they’re real or not

at lunch, you’ll see him with his head in a book and pretending to listen to seokmin or someone

and slowly spooning food into his mouth without looking away from his book

and occasionally he’ll engage in conversation and joke around with seokmin or ask chan about his day

not really an athletic guy, just stands in the crowd cheering them on when something exciting happens

helps with the Quidditch strategies sometimes though

the only times he’ll ever get points docked is if he stayed past curfew in the library

people tell he all the time he’ll be chosen as perfect next year and he’s like no

“i dont want to guard the hall, i’d rather be reading”

best subjects are herbology and charms 

and has the best herbology grades in his year

in class he’ll be really quiet and looks like he’s just spacing out

but really, he really is paying attention or already knows the lesson

cause he’s the type to read the entire book within the first month, unless it's boring as hell

does his friend’s homework like once in a blue moon

and that’s after being bribed and convinced 

after coming back for forth year, all the girls pretty much noticed how puberty did him justice

half the school was pinning for a date

though this only lasted about a month after wonwoo gave them odd looks and turned them down

in reality he just didn’t know what to say because it was pretty obvious those girls only wanted him as an object or title 

and he happened to have a crush already

you were a fourth year, same as wonwoo

and had transfiguration and herbology with him as a slytherin

you didn’t really know who wonwoo was but as jihoon’s friend and class partner 

you knew they were friends from interactions 

but you and wonwoo just said hi occasionally and acknowledged each other in the hall ways

this changed when you and jihoon were failing miserably at collecting some liquid substance from a plant

“no stop stop that’s not it!” you whisper yell to jihoon 

“well then you do it then” he retorts, equally as stressed out as you

“i never said i could” 

“hmp, i’ll get wonwoo over here” he turns his head and subtlety motions to wonwoo to come over 

wonwoo just laughs quietly at you and jihoon’s work and patiently shows you how to do it

“ahh i see thanks a bunch wonwoo” 

“you welcome oh-” he gets dragged off to the side by jihoon

but that this point you were too focused on not failing the class and didn’t notice anything wrong

“i saw you over there” jihoon states 

“what? i didn’t do a thing!” wonwoo denies a little too quickly

“mhmm you looked back at y/n like 10 times while you were showing us. you even crinkled your nose at her” he says with raises eyebrows, daring him to deny again

“fine okay so what?” wonwoo replies, slightly embarrassed 

“so ask her out.”

“i don’t even know if she likes me, do you?” 

“well-” 

he stops short from the sound of your voice

“jihoon get over here im not doing all of this by myself”

jihoon simply shrugs his shoulder at wonwoo and leaves

shaking his head and adjusting his glasses, he goes back to reading his book

he finished his assignment within the first 5 minutes of class after all

after class you nod your head goodbye to jihoon and start walking with your friend

“i saw you there with wonwoo~” she sings happily

“what kinda of nonsense are you saying so loud” you roll you eyes

she quiets down, unaffected by you, “meaning i saw you and wonwoo! you two were totally flirting with each other” 

“i thought ravenclaws were supposed to be smart” 

but you couldn’t hind the redness on your cheeks at her remark

“mhmm. anyways let’s go to lunch and eat! do you know you need 46g of protein per day” 

“yes yes i know this is the 2nd time you’ve told me this month” 

“well i wouldnt have to if you eat properly. come sit with me! im gonna make sure you eat!” 

shaking your head fondly, you agree

eating at other house’s tables is technically not allowed but everyone does it anyways so it doesn’t matter

you find your self greeting wonwoo who your friend sits across from

purposely of course

“oh hey y/n” 

“hey wonwoo” you smile 

and ignore your friends foot nudging yours

“so what are you sitting here for?” he asks, the cute smile still on his face

your friend buts in, “im making sure she eats properally cause-” 

she whips her head and glares painfully at you who stepped on her foot sharply

you smile innocently

wonwoo seems kind of surprises at her abrupt stop but nods

“well i’ll leave you then, make sure you eat well” 

your heart warms involuntarily

the corners of your mouth twitches upwards, “i will, make sure you eat well too”

exchanging smiles, you both leave each other be 

your friend squeals quietly and whispers

“you where practically beaming” she teases 

“hmm” you sound simply and take a spoonful of your food

as the you both get done eating, you stand up, bidding goodbye to your friend who stays and chats 

as you leave the dining hall you almost run into wonwoo with his read ducked inside a book walking slowly

“oh!" you yelp staring up at him with wide eyes 

"ah I'm sorry" he apologizes and closes the book, holding it at his side  

you become curious at the different cover from magical books 

"what are you reading?" your heart is slowly speeding up at your initiative to further the conversation 

"ah it's a muggle book, I don't want to bore you" 

you notice the way he rubs the back of his neck nervously 

so freakin cute 

you slightly smirk, "try me, my best friend is a muggleborn ravenclaw, i've had my fair share" 

laughing, he hands you the book, "it's called 'Macbeth.' it's a muggle classic apparently" 

you nod and answer how you've actually read the classic 'romeo and juliet' 

which leads the both of you into deep 

conversation about books and such 

the two of you just end up casually taking a walk around the castle 

"i hope it's not rude to ask but, are you halfblood or?" you ask cautiously 

honestly you just wanted to know more about him 

"actually I'm a pureblood" he replies almost sheepishly 

your eyes noticeably show surprise, "it's cool you're interested in muggle stuff. i'm a halfblood myself" 

this must mean he's not one of those super traditional purebloods right?

so.. that means he'll 

'stop don't think about that' you scream in your head 

only so much time can be spent walking so the two of you slow down 

but don't leave, wanting to stay in each other's presence

you can feel his gaze fall on you, so you tilt your head up to look at him 

"so do you want to go to the library? we can show each other the books we were talking about" 

you look closely at his eyes, searching for something 

a sign of some sort you guess 

and you catch that glimmer of hope and nervousness written all over his face 

different from his usual 

gaining a tiny bit of confidence, "will this count as a date?" 

you voice becomes smaller at the end, showing your obvious emotions 

he twists his head to you in surprise 

the two of you stare at each other before forming smiles 

you distinctly notice the way his eyes change 

and he notices the way your dimples form 

"yes it will" 

now, you guys walk happily to the library 

and somewhere along the way your hands brush against each others

it's debatable who initiated it, but your hands intertwined 

at the shelves, you decide to search for your recommendation first 

"i swear it was somewhere in this aisle" you turn your head around to look 

or maybe you were distracted by your hands still joined 

"what's the author's name?" 

you tell him and continue to search for the book 

seconds later, you feel your hand being slightly tugged up 

watching, as Wonwoo reaches up and picks out a book 

"this?" 

you smile and nod, kind of embarrassed for no reason 

which he thinks is adorable 

so after the two of you found your books, you guys settle at Wonwoo's spot 

near the front of the library but hidden behind the shelves 

so when Junhui comes by to come bother Wonwoo like he normally does 

he sees you with your head rested on your book comfortably, eyes closed

and Wonwoo flipping through his book with one hand and the other under the table 

which Junhui could clearly see grabbing your hand 

and his first reaction is to scream and expose Wonwoo 

but he doesn't

and instead gathers all the other boys to ogle also 

so Woozi is left with the honors of alerting the two of you of their giggly presence 

how could the two of you not hear them though, even if it's a library, it's 12 boys 

you open one eye confusedly from your quiet resting at the sound of taps hitting the table 

you fulling raising your body upright when you see Woozi s face instead of Wonwoo's 

and Wonwoo's face turned away annoyed at the body language commotion from his friends 

"you two are disgusting" Woozi sneers hiding a smile 

you shrug and blow the hair out your face 

"ha just wait till you get a girlfriend, i'll be ready to bother you" 

not even five minutes later, the 12 boys get kicked out because of noise pollution 

you and Wonwoo are alone again and face each other 

a half smile and half smirk forms on his face, "so are you my girlfriend then?" 

you want to say a just-as-smart remark but your heart doesn't let you 

and neither does your face as it turns a shade of red 

"I-" 

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asks, cutting you off 

you squeeze his hand slightly and grin 

"only if you'll be my boyfriend" 

thus the bookworm couple was born 

and though you didn't read nearly as much as him 

that table belonged to you guys

if anyone walked past it 

a common slight was Wonwoo deep into a book and you working on school work 

or you resting your eyes as Wonwoo does his work 

and if anyone comes by late enough 

one will most likely be asleep with the other grasping their hand warmly

The Seventeen Hogwarts AU Series:

| S.coups | Jeonghan | Joshua | Jun | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | DK | Mingyu | Minghao | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino |

MASTERLIST

#wonwoo #jeon wonwoo #seventeen #seventeen wonwoo #svt #svt wonwoo #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo imagines #wonwoo reactions #wonwoo au #hogwarts wonwoo #hogwarts au #wonwoo hogwarts #ravenclaw wonwoo #wonwoo hogwarts au #seventeen hogwarts au #hogwarts seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen au #jeon wonwoo au #svt scenarios #svt au #pledis17 #pledis 17 #pledis #17 #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop hogwarts au

[ghil-dirthalen-blog]

Tagged by the glorious @ellstersmash who makes me feel more loved and included with every tag despite me being a ver smol blog. <3

1) How many works in progress do you have?

Oh. Dear. God. *ahem* Shit. Let me count. 4 DA, 2 longer fic but 1 is almost done and 2 short stories. I use the word short... Loosely. 4 original novels. And at least 4 long ME fics and two drabble but I know I'm forgetting some. I have them all typed on a sticky note on my computer. We'll ballpark it at 15? Mostly long fics.

2) Do you/would you write fanfiction?

I do. I struggle with keeping up on a schedule tho cause when my depression kicks in, and it has a lot this year, I quit writing. Then I feel like a horrible writer for letting readers down and feel like no one will ever trust me as a writer and ill never get a strong reader base and Ughhh. I'm trying to do better but its hard not to give up. At least on sharing them cause Ill still write them.

3) Do you prefer paperback or ebooks?

Paperback all the way. At first I treated ebooks like Satan spawn but I've grown more tolerant. I see the advantage of being able to instantly get a new one or carry lots with you when you need luggage space for other things or to minimize what you carry. But even if I get them in ebook I always eventually get paper.

4) When did you start writing?

The first serious time I recall was... 6th grade so... I was... 13. And it was 2006. I think. Shit I have bad memory.

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

I've co-written over 250 stories with my best friend Briana since 2006 when we met. She's the one who really got me into it, where Id only dabbled before. No one but us has seen these and likely ever will XD. Here on Tumblr @skylo-ben and @superb-mediocrity see all my stuff before I post it. First time I've ever had beta readers and I adore them both to pieces.

6) Where is your favorite place to write?

Place doesn't really matter cause when I write the rest of the world goes away. Time doesn't exist. I'm there. But I usually have to have some great music playing way too loud in my headphones. Helps block out outside distractions.

7) Favorite book as a child?

A Wrinkle in Time. Also anything else there. A Wind in the Door. A Swiftly Tilting Planet. Many Waters. Also anything by David Eddings. I loved Elfquest, still do. Hobbit/LOTR. (Are you realizing I can't pick just one?)

8) Writing for fun or for publication?

¿Por que no los dos? Seriously tho, I want to eventually write as my job... Whether thats a supported fanfic writer or a published author. I was hoping to use fanfic as practice to get advice on how I could improve when I dive into my original works... But then I realized I have no idea how to market, approach/talk to new people, or generally be part of society. So... That plan has gone stale at least until im in a less stressful environment and have more energy to devote to marketing my works. Instead I'm writing for fun like I always have and always will.

9) Have you taken any writing classes?

One. I mean aside from your typical English 112. (My favorite memory of that hellhole was everyone's faces when I wrote a how to essay on how to perform an emergency tracheotomy). I took creative writing and he gave me a D (no jokes, minds out of gutter) because I can't for the life of me stay under a MAXIMUM word count. Fucker.

10) What inspired you to write?

Ive always lived in a daydream. I was miserable where I was at so Id constantly run away and test theories and ideas through character building and interaction in my head. It was my coping mechanism even if it became unhealthily close to dissociation many times. Eventually it just made sense to start writing it down.

Tagging @ithewriter skylo and superb if you two wanna do this too go ahead.

#just the writer #writer tag game #ellster loves meeee #you can tell how hard it is for me to shut up #even these answers are hella long #my bad #at least no one gave me a max word count #theyd end up twice as long

[octannibal-blake]

Prompt 'im sorry i accidentally kissed you after playing house for bellarke

For you, nonny! This one got away from me, too. I’m not good at short drabbles apparently, but hey, who cares! Enjoy!

*

Bellamy’s life is perfectly together for the first time since he was five and his sister was born. She’s off at school and he’s only working one, stable job that makes enough for him to live comfortably. It took a while to get here, but he’s enjoying the freedom and the lightness. No longer does he hold the weight of the world on his shoulders. So leave it to Clarke Griffin to completely ruin his bliss.

He’s cooking breakfast for himself on this fine Saturday morning when she barges into his apartment (why he thought it was smart to give her a key, he doesn’t know) and asks him to be her fake boyfriend.

Which is problematic for him because he’s spent the last three years wanting to be her real boyfriend. They met in college, forced to work together on an art project (he took it because he needed another elective, and she’s an art major) and despite not getting along at first, they became best friends. Mostly because she’s a spitfire and he’s a dick and somehow the universe just knew the two of them would cause chaos together. It works. He’s been half in love with her for most of their relationship but the timing has never been right, whether one of them isn’t available or he just completely chickens out. Not to mention she calls him her friend all the time and while he’s not the kind of guy to believe in the friend zone, sometimes it’s really hard not to.

“What?” He asks stupidly, holding his spatula in mid-air having been distracted from his egg flip.

“My mother is coming into town and I need to prove to her I have my life together despite having not gone to med school,” She hops onto his counter and reaches over to his plate of bacon to snag a piece.

“But you don’t have your life together,” he says before swatting at her hand as she goes for another piece, “Quit eating my food!”

She pouts her lip and pulls her hand back with a sigh, “Thanks for reminding me. I just need to create the illusion I do, which includes using you as my significant other.”

“Why would having a boyfriend somehow mean you have your life together?”

She’s batting her eyelashes at him now, which always means she wants something ridiculous, “Well…maybe not just a boyfriend. Maybe a boyfriend…i live with?”

He drops his spatula with a loud clang, “You can’t be serious.”

She grasps his arm with both hands, “You’re my best friend, Bell! Help me look less pathetic!”

He still feels a slight twinge at the word friend but pushes it down, “Let me guess, you don’t want your mom to see what kind of travesty you live in?”

She lives in a small studio apartment that has no working air conditioning and also tends to get a mice infestation every few months. It’s pretty awful. They usually always end up at his place to hang out and, okay, she’s slept over on more than one occassion but always in the guest room!

“Also that.” She confirms for him and he shakes his head at her antics. He knows he’ll regret it, but if he’s completely honest he misses the company. He’s not fond of living alone and his place has felt eerily empty lately. It’s a dangerous line, doing the whole fake boyfriend thing especially when feelings are involved on his end, but she makes it very hard to say no.

When he agrees, the smile on her face makes it all worth it. God, he is so screwed.

*

It’s surprisingly easy to fall into domestic bliss with her, which doesn’t exactly help his case at all. The day before her mother comes, Clarke comes over with a bag full of items to make the apartment look more ‘equal’. She’s going for a very convincing argument. Pictures of them have been scattered around the place, some in the living room and a couple in the bedroom. She always forces him to take picture when they’re out so most of them are drunken one am photos. She’s taken over his bathroom placing her hygiene products all over the shower and hair products on the counter.

“Is that necessary?” He asks as she hangs a few dresses in his closet for good measure.

“I’m trying to be thorough,” She replies. By the time she wears herself out, it definitely looks like they live together. He has to admit, she’s dedicated. He also doesn’t mind having her stuff around. Having her around…

Things go relatively smooth from there. Her mother arrives and is friendly enough to him. She actually seems impressed which makes something like pride swell in his chest. It’s a nice apartment in a nice part of the city and while Clarke has mentioned her mother being a snob, he’s still satisfied by her approval.

Being best friends has given them a comfort around each other that has only been beneficial. They touch each other freely and it’s not weird and quite honestly, from the outside anyone could see they are a couple. He tries to build Clarke up to her mother, mentioning small successes she’s had with her art and okay, maybe, fabricated a little. Clarke beams at him as he dotes on her and everything feels natural.

It gets a little weird when they remember they’ll have to sleep together in the same bed. When she walks out of the bathroom in an oversized t-shirt he genuinely thinks about throwing himself out the window because she looks so beautiful standing there and yet they aren’t like that. Pretending to be her boyfriend has been easy but her mom is asleep and they don’t need to pretend anymore.

“I can put shorts on,” She says awkwardly tugging on the end of her shirt. Clearly she hadn’t thought this through before walking out.

“I’ve seen you naked, remember?” He tries to ease the tension but that might have been the worst thing to say, “Remember when I had to carry you home after the whole Finn dilemma?”

It seems to work, “Ugh, don’t remind me. That was not my finest moment.”

She had managed to get so drunk, standing was nearly impossible and he had to take her home. She puked on herself and like the knight and shining armor he is, he managed to bath her and change her before putting her to bed. She told him she loved him that night, but he’s not sure she remembers. He definitely didn’t bring it up.

She crawls into bed with him and they fall into an easy silence. He lies on his stomach and is just beginning to drift off when she says, “Thank you again, by the way. You didn’t have to help me, you know?”

He’s groggy when he responds, “You’re lucky I love you.”

His eyes snap open when he realises what he said and holds his breath.

She laughs gently, “I love you, too.”

Too bad, he thinks to himself, if only she meant it in the same way.

*It’s gets weird. And confusing. The following night he is in the kitchen cooking dinner for everyone when Clarke gets back from her walk with Abby. She joins him in the kitchen while her mom showers and he laughs when he sees the newly formed sunburn tainting her pale skin.

“Forget the sunscreen, princess?” He teases and she smacks him playfully on the shoulder.

“I didn’t think we’d be outside all day…” She mutters miserably, poking at the skin on her arm.

“Clearly,” he laughs before moving to the refrigerator to grab some aloe. He squeezes the goo onto his fingers and gently rubs it onto her skin. She watches him carefully, like she’s surprised by the intimate gesture.

“All good,” he says wiping the excess onto the dish towel next to him.

“Thanks, honey,” she coos and before he can react she pecks him on the lips.

He’s frozen, his lips burning from the contact. It was an innocent kiss but he felt it all the way to his soul.

Her eyes widen, “Shit…I–”

His mind is racing. Did she mean to do that? Does she know how he feels about Her? Does she feel the same? She regrets it, doesn’t She? He fucked up. This plan was stupid.

“Smells good!” Abby compliments as she enters the room and suddenly the moment is over. They step back from one another and he clears his throat awkwardly.

“I interrupted something, didn’t i?” Always the perceptive one.

He tries to make light of it all, “I was just telling Clarke about the benefits of sunscreen.”

Just like that, the moments over. Things go back to normal, he and Clarke continue the charade and he can’t help but wonder what happens when it’s all over.

*

By the end of the trip, Abby Griffin seems to be very pleased with the way her daughter has turned out, even asking that she paint something for her office at work. Clarke nearly bursts into tears. He’s happy to see that their relationship is on the mend, even if it’s partially based on a lie. It’s not that Clarke isn’t successful, just that she’s not that successful. She’s not living the dream like she hoped and she isn’t in some perfect relationship. He should be bothered by it, but he does get it.

He remembers how upset Abby was to find out her daughter was pursuing art. That was toward the beginning of their friendship and he’s seen their relationship go back and forth since. He’s glad to help, but he’s starting to wonder at what cost. How long can he continue to just be friends with her? He has to tell her.

When they go back into the apartment after seeing Abby off, things are quiet. She’s wanders idly about the living room, running a hand over the picture frames she brought with her. Now or never, he thinks.

“So…” He leads with, and it’s not the best thing he could say but he’s kind of at a loss.

It seems to work, though, because suddenly she’s wringing her hands in front of her and word vomiting all over the place..

“I’m sorry I kissed you, I just got really caught up playing house and it’s been nice and, I don’t know, I thought you were my boyfriend for a second.”

She looks so small and innocent now. Guilty, even. Which hurts because he doesn’t want her to be sorry about it.

He decides now is the moment. It was bound to happen, hell, it’s been building for a long time.

“I’m not sorry,” he says simply and moves towards her, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.”

She releases a long breath, like she’s been holding it in this entire time, “Really?”

He laughs and reaches out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, “I’m so in love with you, Clarke. I have been for a long time.”

It feel cathartic to finally say it. Even if she doesn’t feel the same, he’s just happy to have it out there. He didn’t realize how heavy it’s been, but he feels lighter now.

When she laughs, he worries for a second that maybe it was a mistake and he’s ruined their entire friendship. But then she throws her arms around his neck and kisses him, really kisses him like her life depends on it.

When she pulls back, lips swollen from the activity she brushes a thumb across his cheek, “I love you, too, by the way.”

*

A month later she moves in with him for real this time. Half her belongings were already there, anyways.

#ask #reply #i figured this shit out #you have to be on desktop #bellarke fanfiction #bellarke prompts #ask fill #bellarke

[ac-ars]

What if I want it all?

oh damn kill me, this day was super meme so i was distracted almost all the time (ofc i didnt take the prompt that literally lmao)

this one is for @sky-girls because im sure she will know why, i love you very much barbara

~this baby is continuation of day 4~

other ficweek fics

DAY 6: “You’re offering to give me a kiss if I buy your shitty fundraiser popcorn? Well, in that case…”

What if I want it all?

Matteo doesn’t feel really close to his uni especially since he graduated, but sometimes those not cool people he had many occasions to meet have nice ideas. Like fundraising during uni events or sport days. Now he attends them all as well, because, well, it means no classes and despite his position he likes no classes. So except those extra people who do everything to show off their pretty/ugly faces or get some contacts in uni to pass easily, there are also those who actually care about getting money for some reason.

After he graduated he remembers they were fundraising for some orphanage, the other time for the hospital. There was something about the closest kindergarten, but Matteo doesn’t really remember what. Today there is this sports day; he will see all those ambitious students running around and competing like he used to, before he got bored with that.

He is completely sure he’s gonna die of boredom, but fundraising people gonna have it worse; they’ve always been poor unfortunate souls almost sleeping by their tents and those booths looking more miserable than kids selling lemonade in the States. Matteo looks the alarm on his phone screen shutting the snooze for third time with a sigh and turns in the sheets. Lyra meows at him probably complaining about this devilish device that wakes her up again. Good she’s too lazy to actually move the phone on his bed until it falls down and the screen breaks (happened once or twice; he’s never been mad for long).

“Just go to sleep, cat,” he mumbles and she hits him with her tail, completely offended by the name Ambar has been using since day one. “Okay, I’m sorry. Don’t hit me, I love you.”

The only reply from her is satisfied meow and her head rubbing under his chin.

He is going to be super late at uni, but also he will be super late at home in the afternoon, so snuggles with his girl are worth being late. When it’s half past seven he gives up; he needs to wake up and the only thought in Matteo’s head is deep regret of promising the professor he would be there for sure.

It’s not his favorite thing to do. Not even top ten.

Then this sudden idea hits him. What if Luna is gonna be there too?

They are nothing though. They haven’t started texting, calling each other or even talking about something else than class stuff. He can say he’s been pretty disappointed with this, but she’s been very good at acting the most casual.

It’s not like Matteo Balsano isn’t able to keep his chill for a girl, but there is something in her he can’t forget. How warm she was in his arms, how her breath tickled his skin, how her forehead felt under his lips. He accepted that; it’s not like anything would happen between them, or at least not now. Matteo gets lost in those thought and the next place he finds himself is by the door with his jacket and car keys in his hand. Before leaving he yells to Lyra that he loves her much and closes the apartment.

As soon as he takes first step into the campus he wants to take step back and run to his car. There is at least this luck of his that no one will bump into him even by accident since by some magic Matteo is really known at his faculty. No one would like to have a problem with nim and he is not sure if it is because of the fact they remember him from earlier or they just know who he is at this point.

He needs to find the professor right now to show him that his ass appeared here just like he promised. Matteo hopes he can just talk to the guy and go to Gastón’s to chill. Or maybe he should invite Gastón over?

Plot twist: professor told Matteo to check all places and make sure all students are handling their shit correctly and smiled saying he's been doing great. Matteo almost cried in horror, but he needs to do that. It's just that he really doesn't feel like smiling to everyone and being nice; he just wants to sleep and not remember about two tons of grading on his desk.

He sighs going to dart competition booth checking if there's really no way some high school kid kills or at least stabs themselves and bless, because they would only throw the dart at the organizing student, but that doesn't matter that much. He has to eat this disgusting free cake baked by some anti masterchef, hoping he won't get food poisoning. Of course, Matteo tells them they did great job and those students smile so brightly at him he can't say otherwise.

He almost gets hit when some high schooler tries to throw the basketball to the basket, but it's working in some way so he just tells them to chill and not to hit the cake next to them.

When Balsano is almost done with the papers and he notices on the last page the dog shelter booth and he immediately feels bad for not even thinking they are there. He has a cat himself so that's super nice to know someone cares about puppies enough to get money for them.

Matteo hasn't expected the person who is there though.

At first Italian just crossed his arms watching the person who is sitting by the booth. She rests her arms on it and her head is laying on top with really neutral face. The most hilarious thing about seeing Luna Valente here is the fact she's wearing sunglasses in the shade.

“I see you are having fun.” Matteo chuckles softly shifting his position slightly. She doesn't answer, ignoring him completely and he isn't sure what he did wrong, but something hits his stupid head and his fingers reach for her sunglasses.

Matteo bursts out with loud laugh making her jump on her seat. She has been shamelessly napping.

“What?” she mumbles rubbing her eyes when she sees it's him. “Let me sleep, please.”

“From what I know you're fundraising right now, little lady, not sleeping.” He lowkey curses himself for using this nickname he used during the party, but she seems too confused enough by sudden waking up to notice.

“I've been sitting here since seven am, and I am super tired, please Matteo, just let me nap.” He sighs and goes from behind the booth to sit next to her on the other chair.

Luna doesn't move away and he jumps with relief inside. “Couldn't sleep at night?”

Brunette lets air out quickly. “Yes, you should know it. It's your fault,” she mumbles and he almost chokes.

“I don't know if I should take it as compliment or-” He pokes her on the ribs softly and she jumps glaring at him.

“It's not. You wanted the test to be tomorrow so I was studying.” Her pout is definitely too cute to not smile at it.

“Well, I'm sorry I want everyone to pass.” Matteo shrugs and she growls resting her forehead on the desk when he continues. “How long do you have to sit here?”

“Until three.” He barely hears her mumble, so he has to lean his head next to hers.

“You poor thing, are people at least coming over here?”

“No, they are drawn by this shitty free cake because it's free. They don't want my popcorn.”

“You have popcorn?” Matteo raises his eyebrows.

“Yeah and it sucks as hell too. Why did I even agree to this?”

He smiles nudging her slightly. “I would buy your popcorn.”

Luna grins back at him and her eyes soften before she coughs violently, startling him a little. “There’s no way I would let you buy the popcorn.” Her head shakes.

Matteo turns to her on the chair hitting her knee with his and leans his elbow on the table. “Why wouldn’t you?”

Brunette bites her lower lip and picks up this small board her hands were keeping down. He hasn’t noticed it before so it wakes up his curiosity super quickly. “Because of that, like hour ago the professor noticed there wasn’t much money here so he looked at me and asked if I liked kissing people.” She shrugs and Matteo still doesn’t get what happened with that.

He softly takes her hands moving them away and raises the board.

BUY POPCORN GET A KISS SUPPORT PUPPIES

Balsano laughs out loud leaning his head on Luna’s arm. She growls pushing him away but he presses his forehead to her shoulder blade and keeps giggling until he feels tears in corner of his eyes.

“I hate you.” He can hear her murmur next to his ear.

Italian ignores her comment, which is completely, surely a lie. “And how was it? Have you kissed someone?”

Blush tints her already red cheeks and he suddenly feels uncomfortable when he thinks about her kissing someone. She opens her mouth unsure. “Like three people, I think. Maybe four, but one was in the cheek because it was too much.”

Matteo hates it. He hates the idea of someone having her lips on theirs. Even if it was for a second, they still got farther than he has ever managed. What is one kiss, one quick peck just to get money for puppies, though, compared to having her in his arms by her idea for an hour? He guesses that it is enough to not burn entire popcorn she has and pull her away from there.

“Was it nice at least?” Leaves his mouth before he can stop himself. Why the fuck is he digging the topic?

“I guess? It’s for the dogs after all, and the one girl who bought double popcorn was hot.” She rambles uncontrollably and it makes him chuckle, but in his head he is throwing all of the damn popcorn into a black hole.

“As long as she was hot, I guess.” He just shrugs.

“You don’t seem to be into that.”

Pout appears on her face along with small cute frown when he doesn’t really answer. He just looks at the watch on his wrist and hums deep in thoughts. Luna nudges him with her elbow waking him up, but she gets another shrug from him.

Brunette says nothing really for few minutes before he casually reaches for her hand and starts playing with star ring on her finger. “Do you have to stay here only until the popcorn is all sold?”

She licks her lips like involuntarily and sighs. “Yeah, if it’s gone before three I’m free.”

“I can buy it all,” he says casually, as if he’s talking about the weather.

“What the fuck?” Luna almost falls off the chair and he has to catch her waist to keep her up. “How would you do that? And what’s with all this popcorn?”

“I’m seeing my best friend this afternoon, I’m sure he would love to get some free popcorn from me.”

Luna giggles. “If you do I will call you my hero.”

“But you know…” he starts leaning closer, not sure what the hell he is doing right now, and smirking a little. “I’m gonna get the popcorn, support the puppies… So what about the kiss?”

Blush on her face grows much much and she looks super pretty. He has no idea what he wants to achieve, because looking at her recent actions she doesn’t really seem to want to be close to him in any way.

Matteo shouldn’t want that. He really, really shouldn’t.

Yet she’s the primary star to him; he can’t even try to gravitate away from her brightness and warmth. He thought he didn’t need anything except this he had already had, but then Luna Valente happened embracing him with her smile, with her happiness. No matter where he appears she is there and he wants to follow her everywhere as well.

They shouldn’t, but they are gravitating towards each other despite all shit that’s standing on their way. And there’s much of this shit.

Her teeth find her lower lip taking all of his focus when she seems to be thinking about that very intensely. “Do you really want to get the kiss?”

“Only if you are willing to give me one.”

His smile must convince her. His eyes must convince her. Something she has inside her head must convince her because she nods softly and takes deep breath, not really knowing what to do. Matteo can notice it, she’s super easy to be guessed right now, and - to his surprise - she wants to kiss him as well.

She just doesn’t know how.

He pulls the curtain that’s hanging around the booth and pushes it to cover them from any sight before he presses his lips to hers softly. Luna gasps surprised and pulls away after a second, but it’s dark, it’s dark and she’s confused, breathing faster and she probably feels super warm - judging by her blush.

And yet she pulls him back; her mouth slow when her hand reaches for his lacing their fingers. Matteo smiles widely almost making the kiss impossible, but she giggles as well and it’s as awkward as beautiful.

Because the brightest star on the sky is binary.

Gastón was the happiest seeing amount of the popcorn just for him.

After cold shower he had to take to chill down all emotions Matteo gets to the bed with big grin on his face. He has no idea what’s gonna happen now, or when, or if it’s gonna happen at all, but he got to kiss Luna and nothing would fuck this day for him.

He falls on the pillow startling Lyra and covering his eyes with his forearm. There’s this moment of silence when he feels her stomping over his chest and teasing his mouth with her paw. Italian automatically kisses it like he does every single time she does it, earning a content meow from her.

Suddenly he sits up catching her with his hands and placing her on his lap. His fingers brush through her soft soft fur making her purr and himself smile.

“You know that I love you, right?”

Lyra looks at him and meows again probably saying that she loves him back. Or at least that’s what he would like to think she says.

“And I love you very much,” he adds watching her carefully. She hits his leg with her tail, getting probably impatient.

“I wanted to ask you, because many things depend on you-” He stops scratching her chin and taking deep breath. “What would you think if I liked another girl?”

#lutteoficweek #soy luna #lutteo #ta au #my writing #mylutteofw

[guardianofjunmyeon]

I’ve Got You (part 15)

Pairing: Jongdae x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Canon AU, Smut

Description: You work for SM as it’s public relations specialist, and Jongdae is one client that you have to deal with far too often. Sometimes though, he isn’t all that bad.

A/N: I lied, the smut is going to happen next chapter, i got distracted with Jongin lmao

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21.

The sight of the sheer number of messages takes you off guard and you find yourself quickly hiding your phone in your lap. You look across the table to see if the other boys caught wind of your utterly obvious and plain weird behavior. Minhyuk is busy looking at his own phone (thank the heavens), but Jongin gives you a look that makes you uncomfortable. Strange. He’s acting…strange.

What the fuck is Jongin hiding?

“What’s wrong?” he asks with a lift to his voice, unfitting of the question, that immediately puts you on edge. He knows something. He knows something and you don’t even know how to pull it from him without being too obvious.

“Emergency,” you say smoothly. You hold up your locked phone with its black screen. “I’ll be back. I need to make a few calls.”

He rests his cheek on his palm and smiles knowingly as you scurry out of the door. The breath you take in is shaky. Fear fills you. At what the messages contain. At what oblivious-ass Jongin has knowledge of. Maybe it isn’t about Jongdae. Maybe he thinks you have a different secret boyfriend.

God you wish.

You sit at one of the tables outside and open the string of messages you received with a pounding heart. As soon as the messages appear you sage in relief.

Most of them are pictures. Selfies and scenery from throughout the day. Between every few pictures there’s words describing what he was doing.

He sent you updates while he was with Minseok.

Something inside of you tugs miserably as you read his words.

Jongdae:

>I got you a really pretty jacket! I told Min it was for me:3

>Update: he didn’t like the jacket I bought:(

>We’re waiting in line waiting for food and im bored, why aren’t you answeringgggg????

>helloooooooo

>wah! I see you and jongin! Stop annoying the mascots you nerds

>youre having more fun with jongin than you ever do with me, im jealous

>meanie

>And youre ignoring me. Youre the worst girlfriend in the world

>I’m kidding, you’re amazing. I<3u don’t hate me

After that it’s just cute pictures of him and Minseok and a few creepy grainy pictures of you Jongin and Minhyuk laughing behind one of the 400 people in Batman costumes. The heart in his last word message admittedly makes you feel…some kind of way. He wasn’t serious when he sent that why are you acting like he just proposed to you?!

You hold a hand to your racing heart and take in a breath before calling up the man who’s spent all day sending you messages even though you haven’t responded to a single one. Maybe you are a terrible girlfriend.

It rings for a long time and you assume he won’t answer (as he probably shouldn’t because you’ve been a shitty girlfriend and wow you can’t believe you actually missed all of his messages) but right before it goes to voicemail he picks up.

He huffs into the phone but says nothing.

You sigh. You deserve this. “Hi…” you murmur softly.

“Oh you managed to find time to talk to me now?”

Excuses roll off your tongue as soon as you hear his voice. “I can explain ok! So I put my phone in my bag as soon as we were leaving the hotel because I didn’t want it to get stolen or anything, right? And I didn’t think that I needed to check it. You didn’t even look in my direction this morning so I didn’t think that you’d even send me anything so-”

“Wait, I thought you wanted me to ignore you. Wasn’t our whole plan to not be caught around each other? Limiting interactions was your idea you know.”

“Yeah okay but-”

“Is that a whine I hear in your voice? Aw my baby wanted me to talk to her. My heart is fluttering.”

“Stop teasing me you-”

“Don’t worry baby. I always want to talk to you. I had to try so hard to pretend you weren’t there.”

You bite down on your lip to keep from smiling. Why is he so good at making you feel like mush? “Don’t call me baby. I’m older than you,” you mutter childishly. His laugh rings in your ears bright as ever and suddenly everything in the world feels right. The heart from that one message he sent you surfaces in your mind once more. You wonder if he was using it lightly, or maybe it was a casual way of...saying those three words without actually saying them.

You’re afraid to ask him.

“Are you still with Jongin? I want to see you…”

You shake away your thoughts and look inside the pizza place to see both Jongin and Minhyuk eating away at the food you forgot you even ordered. “Oh shit, yes. We’re eating pizza, but we’ll be back at the hotel in 30 minutes or so. I’ll see you then?”

“Alright. Hurry back!”

You glance at the two boys eating as you distractedly finish your conversation. “Yeah, okay. Love you, bye.” You hang up your phone and stuff it in your bag once again.

One step towards the door and you realize what you said.

You’re literally…a dumbass.

When you walk to your table Jongin gives you weird looks. Funny looks. Eyebrow raises and secret smiles that seem to hold too much knowledge. Your face feels hot from embarrassment. At the words you accidently said to Jongdae and now because of Jongin’s looks.

This has been the worst 10 minutes of your life. “Uh I need to head back to the hotel. Can we wrap this up and go?”

Minhyuk nods and takes a long sip from his drink as he tries to finish it off. You keep your eyes trained on him as you try to pretend you don’t feel Jongin staring you down from your periphery. Never in your life have you wanted to escape a situation so bad.

It fucking sucks that you’re leaving one embarrassing situation just to go to another. What the fuck were you thinking when you were saying bye to Jongdae? Did you forget you were talking to him? Did your mind switch to its response mode when you talk to you parents?

Dumbass. Dumbass. Dumbass.

Maybe you can feign illness and stay locked in your room for the rest of the night listening to Jennie rattle off any and everything on her mind.

Jongin pays for the food and you all travel back as a group stopping occasionally to take more pictures. You don’t mind, seeing as it gives you time to sort out your thoughts.

As soon as you are within the hotel’s lobby you make a run for the elevator (alright more like a brisk walk) so that you can go back to you room and wallow in worry. Unfortunately, Jongin catches your sleeve again and you’re forced to stay with him and Minhyuk in an awkward and silent ride up the elevator. What the shit does Jongin want from you!?

You and Minhyuk’s floor arrives, but Jongin keeps his hold on your shirt. Giving up any ideas you have of escaping, you stay at his side as Minhyuk walks out. He makes it two steps before noticing that you aren’t following.

You wave sheepishly as he looks at you in confusion through the closing elevator doors.

“Jongin what the hell?” your words are genuinely confused as he forces you to sit at the edge of his bed.

His arms cross over his chest. “Minhyuk likes you,” he says uncharacteristically monotone.

You scoff and cross your own arms over your chest. “How would you know? And besides, even if he did why are you even telling me?”

“He’s my friend and I’ve known him for a long time now. I just know; I can see it.”

A huff escapes you as you take in the information. Minhyuk is cute, and maybe you would have found interest in him if you’d known this like…last year.

But now it doesn’t matter. You could care less. It’s not like you’re stringing him along or anything. “I don’t like him like that. You don’t have to worry about either or us dating or anything if that’s what you wanted to talk to me about.”

His arms fall to his sides as he narrows his eyes. The look he’s giving you is one filled with what feels like frustration. As if he’s waiting for you to say more than what you have. When you blink innocently he groans. “I know you aren’t going to date him. Minhyuk likes you, but Jongdae hyung likes you way more,” he finally spills.

That catches your attention. Your eyes widen at his words and you feel like a deer caught in headlights. He knows.

Taking note of your frightened expression, the young idol flaps his hands around happily. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. You and him are really cute together,” he goes on to sit down beside you and pushes your shoulders while giggling like a toddler. “How long have you dating? I thought you hated him! We all thought you hated him! Is he-”  

You shove him away from you in horror. “What do you know?” you ask in a whisper. How the hell does he know!?

“I know that you like him, and he likes you and you’re dating and you’re in love and you’re both the cutest couple in the company.”

Stuck between wanting to deny it all, or, pulling out more information from the boy beside you who is too happy about your relationship for it to be considered healthy, you run a hand down your face. Should you deny it or just accept that he knows?

“How long have you known?” you voice comes out shaky and tired, but if he notices he ignores it.

The bed bounces and as he wiggles excitedly in his spot. “How long have I know that he likes you or how long I’ve know you were dating?”

“Both…”

He sits up straighter and smirks. “Well…I’ve known that he liked you since like 2 years ago because after Luhan left he started doing dumb stuff on purpose so that he’d have to go to your office-” you fucking knew he was doing that shit on purpose! You’re really going to castrate him for putting you through so much shit. “-and I had an idea that you were actually dating for a few weeks now. He looks at you differently now, and you act different around him.” When did he get so perceptive? How many others know about you both? “I only know for certain because I saw his texts on your phone when I was getting my wallet out of your bag at the pharmacy.” He finishes with a bright smile and you feel your stomach sinking. “So…” he says expectantly.

Waiting for you to tell him all about it as if he’s your closest girl friend, he blinks patiently. You shake your head. “I’m…not telling you anything. It’s already too risky with you knowing and…please can you just forget you even know about this? We’re trying so hard to keep this from accidentally getting out. I don’t want his career to suffer because of me. I don’t want any of your careers to suffer because of another dating scandal.”

His soft smile makes you feel terrible. Having to desperately hide your relationship feels shitty, but preserving their reputation means more to you than anything else. “You really like him don’t you?”

You stand from you spot and nod sadly. “Yeah…I do. I need to go now,” you murmur shyly. Admitting to some else makes it feel too real. You rush out of the room and debate whether you want to go to your own…or to Jongdae’s.

Unconsciously you’re pulled in his direction as your feet take you to his door. When the door pulls open and his face appears in front of your own, you feel less worried about Jongin knowing of the two of you. You don’t care that he knows you like his group member.

You like him so much that it hurts. So much that the risk of it all is putting enough pressure on you that you could die. But you keep going forward for him.

Because you like him.

No.

Because you love him.

#exo #kim jongdae #chen #exo fanfiction #exo imagine #exo fluff #chen fluff #chen imagine #jongdae imagine #jongdae fluff #jongdae ima

[calangkoh]

alphonse elric post-cos headcanons

based on my “teenage alphonse elric would be an absolute nightmare” post except it’s not as funny anymore now it’s just sad

al actually does have a lot of angst going on so let’s talk about that before we talk about how it manifests in his teenage behaviors: first off, general ptsd. now that his memories are back and he has a body and like, a brain to torment him, he’s gonna be having nightmares and flashbacks and anxiety and paranoia and days/moments where he’s feeling so overwhelmed where all he can do is sit in terrified silence. his survivors guilt from the end of the series returns and then multiplies, because he shouldve died but ed brought him back and now he and his brother are together and somewhat happy and it doesn’t seem fair. he also was the cause of the destruction in central, which definitely killed a buncha people. he has so so so much survivors guilt and has a hard time appreciating anything because it always comes with guilt. hes also resentful to ed for making his sacrifice at the end of the series mean nothing. like ed couldve had his limbs back and be happy in amestris but no ed had to play sacrificial ping pong and bring al back and make things ten times more complicated and make al have to live with all the guilt he feels

again before we get into what a nightmare al is i wanna talk about what an angel he is first (because to me it makes sense to talk about the good first and let you leave with the bad lmao). and it has to do with ed’s struggles. al knows his brother and knows how to calm him and take care of him and knows his patterns. at first al is frustrated with himself because ed has changed a bit and he has to readapt to this. at first he feels like he doesnt know his brother anymore, but he catches on pretty fast. Al is an angel because he still takes great care of ed, and knows how to tend to his needs. He can tell when ed is having a bad day, when he’s on the verge of a panic attack, when he’s anxious, and just in general knows all his ptsd markers and how to care for them. als teenage behaviors are also his way of defending ed from how messed up he is. he doesnt want ed to know hes struggling because he knows ed will blame himself. honestly as codependent as the elric brothers are, they have poor communication because they always want ot protect the other, but it never works because they know each other too well and can see right through each other. but they never talk about it. They just act on it. both of them are the most self-blaming people on the planet and it just snowballs because they’re aware the other is self-blaming, which they self-blame for, etc etc etc.

now onto teenage behaviors. so all this angst is what’s motivating it. and obviously, he misses home, too. and hes thrown into this totally different world and he doesnt know what to do with himself. i mean, ed has a resume now from working with alfons’s team, but he’s not gonna keep working for nazis so he’s gonna go get a research career at a university and be successful and probably even be a professor (this idea makes me extremely happy tbh). meanwhile al is like wth do i do with my life? some more relatable teen angst of “what is my purpose in this sucky world.” ed tries to include al in his work but al just is too distracted and depressed to be interested.

so what does al do? he snaps at ed a lot. Post cos ed has learned sensitivity and warmth (like in cos i really got that sense from him that he learned more social skill and grace) and he literally big brothers al all. the. time. and it comes from him caring for al’s mental health (like he knows what al is going through to a tee but he just doesnt know how to communicate verbally with him about it). he’ll bring work home with him and try and get al in on it and al will snap at ed ti leave him alone. ed will offer to take al to work and al will get pissed because why cant he just mind his own business and stop treating him like a kid? ed will offer to do things with al, he’ll do little things to try and make al happy and damn al is terrifying. i mean i have a personal story here: my older sister smothers me a lot and senior year of high school (she was living at home after graduating college) and im sitting in my room and she comes in without knocking, and in the sweetest voice is like “look at this shirt i had that you can wear to school!” and in the most demonic voice possible i just say “get out of my room” and she justs squeaks out “okay” and leaves looking terrified. Like THAT is ed and al. Ed will do something totally unexpectedly thoughtful to try and help al and al will just be a total shit leaving ed with nothing to do but run away for his life because nothing is scarier than a moody, teenage alphonse elric.

So yeah at first al just stays at home alone, wondering, “high school? or factory job?” And just isolating himself from the scary outside world that he doesnt recognize.

When ed takes him out al is so quiet. Ed talks pretty excitedly about his day, trying everything to help his brother out (because god he was just as miserable when he came to this world and the only reason ed is genuinely doing well now and is actually pretty happy despite his mental illnesses is because al is with him now. And ed just wants to freaking save al from this pain but it just...isnt working. he knows its not that he isnt enough; he knows al would rather be with ed here than in amestris without him but god he still cant help how muh self loathing he feels that he cant help his brother like hes able to help him) and al just zones out and plays with his food or sips his tea or looks at the sidewalk. its not that he doesnt care about his brothers day or that he resents him for being happy, its that he just does not have the energy to be present. and then that is snowballing because he feels like a sucky brother and then he feels like hes self-pitying too much and then its just this endless cycle

So al goes to high school because ed thinks the mental stimulation and learning about this worlds culture and science would be better than throwing him into a factory job. thing is, people who stayed in school past 14 in this time period tended to have money. And while ed makes money, he only makes enough to put al in high school and then provide the bare minimum after. and al cares about his appearance and about what others think about him. its just his personality. and even though hes a brilliant kid who picks up on what hes learning really quick, he still doesnt know much about this world and its current events and honestly amestris is so much more modern so al is confused about certain restrictions and stuff like that. so in school al is this poor, socially awkward, but super-good-at-school teachers pet and dude he is so so bullied and has no friends. remember he also has the mind of a 17-18 year old and so definitely appears to be an old soul among his actual 13-14 year old peers. so hes extremely outcasted. but now he also has a temper and he gets into fist fights.

now you’d think al would pummel these kids, right? Well no. you see when al gets into these fist fights, it kinda triggers memories of being in the armor and he becomes clumsy and out of touch with his body and sometimes forgets how to even move. some fights are better than others and the bullies are pretty shocked this kid has any skill at all, but al never wins against this entire group of kids

so yeah al comes home beat up and ed gets majorly pissed but now that theyre in this…normal life, having your big brother come into the rescue is not awesome. And ed doesnt get that because, well, when your bro is being beat up isnt the right thing to do to beat up the guy thats putting his life in danger? like these are eds survival/protective instincts from years of adventure and danger, so al telling him not to do anything is like...what? he doesnt understand. and al is getting super defensive about the whole thing. “Its none of your business” “leave me alone you’re not in charge of me” etc etc. and in a rational moment, al calmly explains that ed doing anything about it will make it worse. and now ed feels even more helpless and we all know that that is the worst thing ed can feel

and al is just such a nightmare now because hes getting in physical fights and sneaking out and losing his temper and snapping at people and being grumpy and rude. i can write a whole other list of headcanons for alter wrath both exacerbating his behavior but also helping his mental health (like him being friends with alter wrath/rudi as the fandom has named him really makes a “things get worse before getting better” situation

#calangkoh #meta #headcanon #alphonse elric #fma #fma 03 #fma 2003 #cos #conqueror of shamballa #fullmetal alchemist #edward elric #i tried writing

[theboykingofhell]

A9, A19, B10, B14, C2, C8, F5, G3, H3, I6, J4, K10 for Nisha; A14, A21, B7, B14, C5, D4, E8, F12, G5, H2, I1, K5 for Nora :*

JESUS CHRIST this is why you’re my reason for breathing

NISHA:

A9: Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

AH GEEZ…. i think it depends on the person and what light she views them in??? if she sees them as flawless (like giovanni) she makes a million excuses before she’ll try and accept the truth, but if she sees them as hella flawed (like nora) it’s more of that she’s… making up even more reasons for them to be wrong than what actually exists???

like, in that same way that she’s FAR too harsh with everything she does and how she won’t let her damn self catch a break, she’ll do the same thing to other people unless they’re already perfect and good (

the only excuses she’ll make for herself is like… oh if she wants to do something, she’s gonna do it,,, for, a reason, that she will give you right now,

A19: What instantly irritates them or puts them in a bad mood?

SHE HATES NEGATIVITY SHE HATES WHEN PEOPLE GIVE UP IN FRONT OF HER like! put the effort in! don’t be lazy!! she’s incredibly hard working so seeing other people slacking makes her mAD CUZ SHE’S DOING A L L THIS WORK AND YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST? LIVE YOUR LIFE? IN THIS ECONOMY? HELL NAW

B10: Does your OC find any “bad” or “mean” humor funny? Do they wish they didn’t?

fgnsldfjkgnfgs nisha’s blog would be sj as fuck i think, the only bad things i can imagine her laughing at are stuff that are rly bad but so removed from context by fandom that they don’t realize it’s bad until it’s too late (like that one ‘A CHILD’ vine would crack her up until she realized what the joke was and then she’d feel S O GUILTY)

reasons nisha thinks she’s going to hell #56458456: laughed at a vine

B14: Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves?

HONESTLY nisha reads like a rly honest person but she’s very VERY closed off and doesn’t actually like… talking to people… like she’s desperate to find people to latch onto SO THAT she CAN be more honest with herself and more genuine and once she’s found those people she is DONE with socializing for the rest of her life so short answer is yes and that is the trashgays and im crying,

C2: Would your OC feel bad if they acted against their morals? If not, would they find a way to excuse themselves for it?

OOPS this is where nisha excusing herself comes in. nisha throws her motives away in an instant when people she loves are involved, it’s like they were never there or formed in the first place because she has a THOUSAND justifications but she doesn’t really… think those justifications out, it’s like they’re prepared in her moral set to be like ‘KILLING IS BAD… when you’re not killing to protect nora’ and so on and so forth. i can’t even tell if she’d feel bad about it? tbh no? amoral!nisha strikes again, she just thinks she’s right automatically when it comes to how she choses to act so no she wouldn’t feel bad cuz she would automatically adjust her morals to fit her actions BAD NISHA

C8: Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?

NO she does the worst option in that she holds everyone including herself rly high when it comes to their behavior and will only adapt it when it comes to herself doing something stupidly dangerous and reckless based on a hyperfixation of hers. everything EVERYTHING is based on ideals she can’t see the world realistically until she’s too distracted by what’s HAPPENING in the real world to even think about this yeah

F5: How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?

tbh yeah! she bonds with her dad a lot and her dad was the type to REALLY want a son but whoops his only son was a disappointment SO! her dad taught her how to fix cars and do busywork around the house and tbh she really enjoys it!!! nisha with tools nhgn

G3: Does your OC find their family supportive? If not, what would be an example why not?

SHE THINKS THEY ARE AND I BLATANTLY DISAGREE WITH HER

she lives with a very very middle class suburban white family who had no idea how to raise a woc? so she was kind of ‘politely’ discouraged away from discovering anything from her culture. a lot of her self-esteem problems is because of how strict they were with her and her education and i think they definitely had this othering thing with her where they wanted her to be ‘BETTER’ than her ‘kind’, like, blatantly stereotyping in front of her and acting like she can’t hear >:I they want her to succeed and they rly PUSH her too but it’s not a healthy pushing argh

H3: Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right?

UMMMM HM… she thinks many people can be right but there’s only one soulmate but not everyone gets to be lucky enough to meet theirs or have theirs even exist at the same time as them… YEAH

(nisha has thought of nora as her soulmate for like ever ~o~ mmfh)

I6: Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?

she only ever eats pizza???? or fries? or salads? i think nisha can rly ONLY EVER eat the same one thing over and over and it just changes every now and then what that one food she keeps eating is omg. she doesn’t get bored cuz she doesn’t pay attention to eating, she forgets to do it too much,

J4: Is your OC the sort to fall for fake news? If not, do they ignore it or make a point to clarify that it’s wrong?

OH YEAH she falls HARD but the second she gets the correct version it’s now her duty to correct EVERYONE who could POSSIBLY think the fake version is right and how could you even START to believe the other one dont be gullible???

K10: Would your OC give up their PA if they could? Why or why not?

I MEAN, HERE’S THE THING… nisha considers vampirism like the ultimate cure for her problems because being a vampire gives her the time that she didn’t realize until now that she needed to heal, and, MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT GIVES.. NORA… TIME… TO RECOVER!!!! so she wouldn’t want to give that up, especially if it wasn’t going to be with nora. like, if nora wanted to change back, she would in an instant….. she doesn’t love being a vampire or anything (like killing for food is :/ so meh for her) but she loves… being a vampire with nora aaaagh

… altho the more i think about it, since nora changed her and gave her this gift tbh i don’t think she’d trade that for the world, NORA MADE HER INTO THIS, SHE GETS TO LIVE ON CUZ NORA ALLOWED HER TO, WHY WOULD SHE EVER WANNA GO BACK, 

NORA:

A14: Is your character empathetic?

UMMM it comes and goes but tbh not very!! she leans on unempathetic but she does have her moments, most of the problem is that she’s very self-centered so it doesn’t even occur to her to consider other people’s feelings let alone watch out for them. she’s definitely more empathetic the more you know her and the more she learns about the person as a whole so she can put together a lil emotional map for you…! +o+

A21: Do they make excuses often?

honestly no!!! everything she does is very deliberate and honest, she rly likes pissing people off and making them disappointed in her so if she does something wrong she proudly states when she does it (hell sometimes she announces it before she even does it so that she can watch them (coughnisha) try and stop her. she’s not trying to be good or anything so she doesn’t feel the need to act like she is by making an excuse to deflect blame BD

 B7: How do they respond to babies crying in public?

LEAVING RLY QUICKLY WHILE SWEARING LOUDLY AT SAID BABY… nora that’s rude bad nora

B14: Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves?

she kind of likes playing the manic pixie game tbh… so, if the person is honest with her, she’ll be honest back. if they seem rly fake or shallow or without the depth she wants then she’ll act just as fake. so she does have a few ppl honestly you just asked me these so i can cry about the trashgays more DIDNT YOU,

C5: Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

VERY situational… i mean she ignores a lot of common decency anyway because she doesn’t feel like following them. i couldn’t actually tell you what her morals are because i feel like a lot of things that constitute ‘morals’ are things she would either automatically do, cuz she wants to, or would never even consider, because she doesn’t want to,, she would steal money from her parents and her friends but not from nisha cuz she loves her and not from a fellow stripper cuz um, that’s bullshit? yeah

D4: Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be?

SHE HATES BEING IMMORTAL until she doesn’t,,, her even becoming immortal is because she was suicidal and thought she deserved death and aaron ‘offered’ her a fate that was worse than death and hot diggity how can she refuse that? but she thinks life is miserable (until nisha shows her it doesn’t have to be) and at that point, she’s fine being immortal but before that it was a NIGHTMARE

E8: What’s one of your OC’s biggest regrets? 

THIS IS IN THE EDUCATION SECTION SO I GUESS THIS MEANS IN LIKE A SCHOLARY SENSE… she dropped out of school and i guess she wishes she didnt but not enough to try school again.

F12: Would they enjoy a theme park?

she LOVES THEME PARKS… EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM BUT MOSTLY THE GAMES AND THE CANDY AND THE RLY TALL RIDES she turns into a lil kid in theme parks oh my god ;~;

G5: Did they go through any typical phases growing up?

you mean nora’s canon emo phase before emo was even finished becoming a thing, yeah

i think she had a disco phase too she has so much sparkly clothes that she still wears???? i have NO idea what goes on with nora’s fashion ever tbh

H2:Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover? 

HONESTLY YEAH but she definitely acts like she isn’t. she frames a lot of her thoughtfulness as her trying to be a tease or a bully but whenever nisha is super focused on something, nora is always there in the background trying to make sure she eats, buying her food when she doesn’t do groceries, helping around the house when nisha neglects her chores so that she won’t get in trouble… she rly does try and make life easier for nisha when she can cuz she gets guilty about nisha having to take care of her when her trauma gets rly bad mfhg cries about tsg

I1: What are their favorite kinds of flavors– Sweet, salty, sour, spicy, creamy, et cetera?

SWEET OR SALTY OR SOUR OR SPICY OR CREAmy wow that was jsut all the flavors listed but she just gave me a BIG !!!!!!!!!!! about food, especially soups. soup is perfect

K5: Does your OC feel isolated or unrelatable due to the experience their PA brings with it? If so, how do they deal with it?

she deals with it by turning nisha lmfaohjfgs

I MEAN it also depends when this is… originally, when she’s going through her feral phase, she feels completely unrelatable, she feels isolated, but that’s what she wants. it’s like the peak of self-destruction for her, she becomes this violent enigma and she… embodies it fully and enthusiastically (i cant say she loves it but i guess she does? in a masochistic sense?)

nora also just loves being an individual so once she’s healthy and recovered and it’s the epilogue days and im crying,…. then she still feels relatively unrelatable but she LOVES that, she loves being one of ‘two’ sole creatures on this earth (in her eyes) who lives the life she’s been allowed to live and also im crying,

this is so long its freezing my computer sfngklsdfngdfgs LOVE YOU HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY

#w #ANYWAY I LOVE TSG MORE THAN LIFE AUGHHHDFG #mmementommori #ask tag

[fourteenacross]

so, like, i know youre a busy person, but if you get time, could you write martha manning meeting the squad and maybe molly??? -Myah

At some vague point in the future, the gang is going to a conference in the UK where they’ll meet Martha and her girlfriend (and John’s ex and his fiancée), but that’s not for awhile yet.

In the meantime, here’s some other stuff.

*

“Look,” the boy on the other end of the phone says, “I wasn’t saying that was gonna keep me from doing it, just pointing out a fact.”

Martha bites back a smile. “Alex?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, hi,” he says. “Martha. Mattie. Can I call you Mattie? John always calls you Mattie. Or–John calls you Mattie when he’s not thinking about it. When he’s consciously starting a story about you he always goes, ‘My friend Martha,’ like this is the first time he’s mentioning you. Or–I guess also he’s making sure I’m not mixing you up with his sister? But. Anyway. Hi?”

“I really thought he was exaggerating how fast you talk,” she says. “It’s almost all he’s said about you, really. Normally I can’t get him to stop talking about his men, but he’s coy about you.” She stretches out on the settee--she can hear Jo banging around in the kitchen, impatient to go out and meet the rest of their friends.

Across the ocean, John’s Alexander is quiet for a moment. She’s rather sure this is an uncommon occurrence. “Really?”

“That’s how I knew how much he liked you,” she says. “He answered all of five questions before changing the subject to badger me about my love life. All I got is a picture and the fact that you’re loud and obnoxious and passionate and mean in all the same ways he is, but also very sweet.” 

“’Sweet?’”

“And he got all flushed and stammer-y when he said it. Believe me, I’ve comforted John through quite the parade of terrible boyfriends. He likes you.”

“I know,” Alex says. She can hear the smile in his voice, the tremor of happiness. “I love him a lot. Like...a lot. Like....”

“A lot?” she suggests.

He snorts. “That’s proof, okay? That’s solid proof of how much I love him: he’s literally the only thing in the fucking world that can leave me speechless. I wrote a fucking essay about the hurricane that destroyed the town I grew up in, I filled an angsty tween journal with my pain when my mom died, every new exciting discovery in my field gets thousands of words of dissection, but then this stupid, beautiful asshole steps in front of me and--bam! All I can do is stare and babble and make like...vague hand gestures.”

Martha knows from stammering and vague hand gestures. She glances, unconsciously, at the kitchen again. Jo is standing on a chair to rifle through a high cabinet, scowling with determination. Martha’s heart aches.

“So,” she says, pushing through her own troubles. “Tell me about you! Like I said, Johnny was vague and secretive.” He’s told her a little more than she’s letting on, but those conversations feel more private, for some reason. mattie i’m so fucking scared of how much i love him ive only known him for like a month and a half i think Im gonna throw up.

“Uh, I’m twenty-one. I’m in the same program as John. I’m an immigrant from a tiny island in the Caribbean that you’ve probably never heard of. You’ve seen pictures, so you know what I look like. I’m pretty smart. I think John has shitty taste in beer and I don’t know how he can stand to put those dumb sci-fi movies on when he’s working. Um, my favorite color is green?”

“Favorite novel?” she asks.

“Uh, To Kill a Mockingbird. Or maybe White Teeth? Or Oscar Wao? This is a hard question. Uh, John gave me The Doomsday Book, but I haven’t read it yet. He also gave me Guards! Guards! and told me if I don’t at least appreciate it, he has to break up with me, so I’ve been putting it off, to be honest.”

“Ugh, of course John wants you to start with Guards, he’s obsessed with Vimes. Ignore him, if you’ve never read any Pratchett, start with Equal Rites.”

“No, tell him to start with The Amazing Maurice!” Jo yells from the kitchen. “I mean--I’m not eavesdropping!”

“I barely followed any of that,” Alex says. “Is there someone else there?”

“Yeah,” Martha says, “my friend Jo is waiting for me to finish up so we can go meet some people. But she’s fine waiting until I’m done with you.”

“To a point!” Jo shouts, but she’s found whatever it was she was looking for in the top cabinet and seems distracted again.

“Anyway,” Martha continues, “favorite film?”

“I don’t know if I have one? I didn’t go to the movies a lot as a kid. Maybe...um--I feel like this is a test.”

“It is, to a certain degree,” Martha says. “Okay, we’ll let you pass on that one. Are you a big partier?”

“I like people, I like socializing. I don’t know that I like partying. We go out to the bar on Fridays and have a pretty good time. Sometimes we go dancing. As long as it doesn’t interfere with my work--I’m kind of a workaholic, but, you know. I make time for my friends. I make time for John. You know we’re already dating, right? And like...living together. And while I understand you’re close, I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna dump me if I don’t pass your test. Not that I wouldn’t get lost of he did dump me. I mean, unless he was doing one of those dumb self-sacrificing things he does when he’s depressed.”

And there’s the heart of it. He’s clearly seen what John can be like when he’s down and he’s still here and he’s pledging to stay through those times. That’s all Martha can really ask for. She’s an ocean away, he’s pushed away his family, and he’s all alone somewhere new. She needs to know there’s someone on his side. She needs to know that someone is taking care of him when he’s too bloody stubborn to take care of himself.

“Well, it’s fine because you’ve passed,” she tells him. “Your prize is taking care of Johnny when he’s being a pill.”

“That’s kind of a lousy prize, seeing as how I’m already doing it. But I also get him when he’s brilliant and excited, so I guess it evens out.”

“Brilliant,” Martha repeats. Her smile is downright giddy as she thinks back to all of the idiots John’s dated for the past five years.

“So brilliant,” Alex says. “And just--passionate. Brilliant and passionate and thoughtful and dedicated and...and...just...fucking radiant. He’s just--this is what I was saying, this is what I was telling you, I don’t have words, okay?”

“Okay,” Martha says, still smiling. “Well, it’s been lovely chatting with you, Alex, but I think my friend is going to disassemble my kitchen if we don’t leave for the pub soon.”

“Yeah, John should be done soon, I can hear him bitching at the doctor from here. Just one last thing--’Johnny?’”

“Did he tell you he covered for me when we were fifteen and pretended to be my boyfriend for a family visit?”

“No...”

Jo is tapping her foot impatiently by the door. They’re not even late yet, but that’s Jo--insufferable when she’s bored. Martha would strangle her if she wasn’t so pathetically smitten.

“Very quickly, then--my mother and grandmother were trying to set me up with an eligible boy back home. This was before I had even really admitted to myself that I was gay. So, while I was on the phone with them, panicked, John told me to tell them I already had a boyfriend, which I did, and then when they asked who it was and I panicked more, bless him, he pointed at himself and I told them it was him. Then, of course, when they came to visit for a family week a month or two later, we had to actually pretend to be together. Johnny was out to everyone, so there was a lot of bribery going on that week to keep other students quiet, and he was so very awkward, so everything was over the top.” Alex laughs and so does Jo, who’s leaning forward against the side of the couch to listen, now. “I called him ‘Johnny’ in this treacly voice and even after my parents went back to London, it stuck. It was a lifesaver, really--he even fell on his sword and kissed me a few times, which is what really confirmed my lesbianism. You don’t have a boy like that kissing you and feel vaguely disgusted if you’re even the least bit heterosexual.”

Alex laughs again. “Don’t I know it.”

“So, very long story short, he hated Johnny and declared that only ex-girlfriends get to call him that when Francis and some of our other friends started picking it up, which limits its usage to me.”

“Good to know,” Alex says. Then, “Hey, baby, you good to go?”

“I’ve got a script to fill, but fuck that, the ER visit’s gonna cost me enough as it is.” That’s John, unmistakably, and Martha misses him terribly all at once. 

“Don’t be an asshole.”

“It’s just pain stuff. It’s basically extra strength Advil, I’ll be fine without it.”

“Yeah, whatever, don’t think I’m not gonna call Mrs. W and get her opinion, because--”

“--are you on my phone?”

“Um.”

And then grunts and grappling and muttered curses and then, panicked, “Shit, Mattie?! How long have you been talking to him? What have you told him about me? What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, darling, Jo and I are late for drinks,” Martha says, grinning. “We can make up our FaceTime date tomorrow, yeah?”

“Mattie, I swear to fucking god--”

“I love you, Johnny!”

He’s still cursing when she hangs up. Jo’s staring at her, one-eyebrow raised, which gives her one last pang of missing John, who shares that genetic quirk.

“Does he get to give your girlfriends the same interrogation?” Jo asks.

“Well, I’ve not dated anyone seriously enough to find out, yet,” Martha says, grabbing her bag and shoving her mobile into the middle pocket. 

“I’m sure you will soon,” Jo says, squeezing her arm and leading the way out of the flat and down to the street.

“I’m sure I will,” Martha mutters glumly, watching Jo leave for one long, miserable second before she grabs her coat and follows.

#fic by me #hamilton #lams #alexander hamilton #martha manning #they call themselves the trash of the thing #replies

[yuissamidare]

aight aight lets do this

zombie au

i wanted??? to develop the side characters more because i love them and they make me super happy when they get on screen and i went to sleep and woke up in the dead of night like. Ah. I Know.

the gist was dekapan creates a virus that mimics those weird wasp things that inject venom in caterpillars and wasps and leave them zombie-fied until they end up sacrificing themselves for the wasps babies. it works like my theory for gakkou gurashi and idk the zombies should follow their everyday routine expect that they also kill people. i’ve scrapped that idea and like, recreated how the zombies work but shhhh this part is a Super Secret.

he’s having trouble with money and! he loves science! he loves messing up and starting over and finding that one xyz fit that makes everything click how he wants to! but that costs money, and it’s money he doesnt have, so? he calls a kid he used to babysit and get along with for some help. hatabou gets him a job with a sketchy government probably trying to cure the common cold or make it impossible to burn your skin in the sun or something so of course he does the work given to him, because money is money, but the moment it gets on tv and is announced to the world dekapan calls everyone like 'hey guys dont take the vaccine something fuckys going on' and then the zombie outbreak starts and everyone gets split up and they find each other eventually after Bad Things and everyone gets fucked up about it.

people who we dont get to see pair up find each other and begrudgingly work together.

jyushimatsu and todomatsu are w matsuyo!! she has them go on a trip to the mall with her, and it’s very densely packed and a trains ride from home  (jyushimatsus here to carry bags and todomatsus here bc oohhh a mall far away). the outbreak happens while theyre in the mall, and momma and todomatsu get separated from jyushimatsu for a little while -- they do find him again, and momma decks a zombie in the face. todomatsu cries. if i were to write this, i’d focus like??? 2 - 3 chapters focusing on them being in the mall, finding a group of other survivors, and then leaving the group. depending on length and my Stamina which is. not good.

next group is totoko and karamatsu!!! and. its not because of.... anything. but totoko!! if anything is really strong and i can see her carrying an iron will and inspiring other people to follow he lead and! i like the dynamic they had with that like One Interaction. idk the beginning all too well?? like how they meet up and stick together, but i have everything after that pretty clear in my head. this would be??? the second arc of the story maybe? it take a while for them to actually get along and things go Bad in the start because ahaha karamatsu is a Fuck Up, and after that karamatsu just stops trying to talk to her and just trails behind while totoko vehemently refuses to let him help her with anything. and i actually?? dont wanna say too much about this because. ITS SURPRISE. but after they start getting along karamatsu gives her a fishbone braid, and she talks about missing her brother and they do some Feelings Talk.

idk what the fuck to do with osomatsu, ichimatsu, and choromatsu??? someones learning medicine and surgery from dekapan, someones getting yelled at by chibita while hatabou mediates, and someone starts stealing things with iyami and then starts crying in the back of his van after a close call, but idk who because they all keep flip flopping positions in my head. like, at first ichimatsu was getting yelled at, but then i put him with iyami, but then im like ‘ohhh doctor ichimatsu’. then osomatsu was with chibita n hatabou, then i was like ‘but oh he and iyami have a great dyamic’. and choromatsu was with dekapan at first bt then i was :/ with that and put him with chibita. those three are hecking me up idk what to do.

paranormal investigators

 We Are All Dependant On Our Brothers

the matsuno bros start up a ghost bustin company thats set up in a run down project and they’re all crowed up in a shitty apartment funded by hatabou and todomatsus part time job with equipment provided by dekapan because after high school it was decided that ‘shit lets hunt some ghost’ and everyone was like ‘yea sure.’

it was spawned by a dream i had where choromatsu and karamatsu are on a case and choros like 'k we gotta distract the ghost' and karas like 'got it' and while choros doing. whatever. karamatsu comes out in a bathrobe and sashays like 'ooh noo ;)) i sure hope no ghosts are going to get me while im naked and vulnerable ;)))' and choros like. 'who gave you permission to be such garbage.' and. oh. he did. 

and then later in the day a stray thought where osomatsu and karamatsu got confronted by a ghost thats like ‘ICHIMATSU MATSUNO!!! YOU, MY ENEMY WHOVE IVE TRACED DOWN FROM BARBADOS TO THE ARAN ISLANDS TO-’ then osomatsu cuts him off like ‘bro we arent ichimatsu’ and the three of them stare at each other for ten minutes before karamatsu offers to call him for the ghost and the ghost is like ‘!!!! could you?? i mean, im still damning you both to hell but’ and then ichimatsu picks up the phone, and as soon as the ghost starts talking he expels it in 0.0000000000000000000000001 seconds.

superheros

the brothers are b-rate superheros who end up in the newspapers sometimes. iyami and chibitas That Dude who ends up in hostage situations all the time and begrudgingly drive them home and make sure they eat even though they claims to hate them. its actually.... based of the storyline for my ocs so i wont actually talk about that again. nnu9mubvufe8n.

again, they live in a shit ass project but they live right next door to each other instead of crowding in One Apartment, its two with three each. they are all actively looking for day jobs because while the government pays well they struggle being adults. but this time adults with superpowers.

rpg/video game

like. back in the naru.to fandom there was a point where video game aus were really popular, like the whole grinding/gaining stats/unlocking new areas thing n all that and it surprisingly worked really well when written right?. so i was thinking about that and spacing out and i was like Oh Fuck. so this au got birthed. osomatsus the king, karas the knight, jyushi is a prince who gets kidnapped, ichis prince #2, choromatsus a wandering mage, n todos the royal advisor. 

jyushimatsu gets kidnapped in the dead of night, and osomatsus like ‘what the flying fuck karamatsu get over here lets go get him back.’ so they leave, and have ichimatsu look after the kingdom for him. hes like 'wait what please im' and is thrust into power anyways. he and todomatsu are surprisingly competent leaders and the kingdom does really good under him, even better than with osomatsu?? though he locked himself in his room for the first week and todomatsu just kept banging on the door OPEN UP YOU FUCK YOU HAVE PAPERWORK. and its an insanely huge amount because osomatsu keeps putting it off unless someone watches him and he does all the stuff like funding the armies and expanding territories before stuff like regulating taxes and funding schools and hospitals.

jyushimatsu escapes on his own after a day n is like HMMMM HOW TO GET HOME..... but then he enters a little run down village and meets homura and falls In Love and they spend time together and he eventually just forgets to come home because hes so happy with her

meanwhile with the idiot eldest duo. karamatsu doesnt know how to fucking.... spend money so when they meet choromatsu whos like the stop n shop npc he gives him all the money he has for an enchanted pair of ankle warmers that he could put his face on and that can react to his emotions. osomatsus like ‘what the entire fuck bro’ and goes to get their money back, but then ends up spending all his money on a charm thatll increase his gambling luck.

‘we’ve been bamboozled, my dearest king. our money taken right before our eyes as a miser deceived us and robbed us of everything we’re worth,’ ‘wanna beat him up, karamatsu?’ ‘of course i do.’

choromatsus like ????? wtf its not my fault you two dont know how to spend money. but they fight, and osomatsus like ‘join our party!!’ and they take a few days to convince him but he does join and he and osomatsu hit it off really well, and osomatsu decided after everything, hes going to adopt choromatsu. 

(’but we’re the same age, my king’ karamatsu says in response to his proposal. 

‘FINE, then ill get mom to adopt him, geez.’ 

then they meet chibita and n chibita and karamatsus like ‘if youre taking choromatsu, im taking chibita in if he says yes’ and osomatsus like ‘ask mom first’)

the three of them go to the place jyushimatsu was taken to, beat everyone up, and then realize he isnt there. so they just. dejectedly walk into a nearby village for rest and chibita gives them free beer.

they meet jyshimatsu an hour later on a date with homura and yes. they decide to adopt her as a sister too. (is someone marrying into your family considered adoption?? idk but everyones family now, no excuses.)

royalty/split at birth

i hate angst i just wish everyone could be happy, i say as i look through my notebook with angsty plot points as i reference my life.

the gist is: the cold color trio living in slums rather than a palace but then oso finds out OH SHIT WE HAVE MORE BROTHERS WE GO GET THEM and everyones stressed the fuck out

as soon as osomatsu finds out he has troops scour the kingdom for the them, with the directions ‘there are three more people with my face, go get em’ and he sends troops out. to everyone outside the castle this is a very ?????!!!!!!!!!! thing???because the royal family has solidified themselves as Bad Selfish people who tax unfairly and dont care about the poor. like, the rich people are all like oh! i wonder what the royal family is planning theyre so good to our kingdom ha ha! while the poor people are freaking the fuck out.

the cold colors only get a brief warning about the troops coming and the first thing ichimatsu does when he hears this is go and break all the fancy plates and choromatsus like ‘wtf are you doing!!!’ and ichimatsu just looks at him like ‘i love and respect my family so im doing what i need to’ and karamatsu takes that as his cue to take his mothers valuables and hide them under the floorboards and in the walls where the stucco breaks away and choromatsu writes a note to their mom Just In Case.

they actually do get taken and theyre fucking shocked. like, instead of the royals taking everyones valuables like they expected, theyre taking them??? and the troops are no help theyre just like ‘kay go take two sets of coats and three sets of day wear’ and they have them leave straight away.

an abrupt abduction is gonna stir up shit in the village especially if they only take the boys and leave their parents and friends. imagine how paranoid they'll be. ‘oh no what if im going next' 'i hear that theyre taking our boys now and selling them off to foreign labor' 'theyre taking our children as punishment for not being able to afford tax' ‘i heard things breaking in their home what if they got taken away for resisting’

imagine all the drama and discomfort theyll feel when they see the other bros living in the lap of luxury why their friends and family suffer like :)))

its frustrating and tense for everyone because osomatsu expected them to integrate without issue. jyushimatsu doesnt understand why they get so mad at him and refuse to be his friend. todomatsu doesnt understand why all these poor people are a problem. as long as youre happy and healthy it's fine! theres no need to concern yourself with what doesnt directly affect you. if you dont see it its not happening so its best to ignore it.

ballet

osomatsu does ballet again and is happy and has found something he loves and enjoys and everyone supports him. basically, he starts feeling nostalgic and then starts watching youtube videos and goes ‘haha pah! i can do that’ and then he realizes ‘holy shit this is something i wanna spend the rest of my life doing’

sophie even wrote a fic about it and its great and every time i read it my heart pounds ten thousand times a second and i start smiling so hard my cheeks hurt.

detectives

jyushimatsu’s an overworked forensic scientist, choromatsu’s an exasperated detective, osomatsus is watson, todomatsu’s head of the branch, and ???? ichimatsu where are you??

karamatsu’s fucking dead but he aint important.

they solve mysteries n do detective stuff.

theres also another au thats like platonic soulmate thing but eh 

#mbbbaf #long post #no like for real its a long ass post #these are all awful and they could all use Work but i like them #what is this

[chippedfolks]

Thinking more

So today i called up ma bestie sabrina and talked to her for a while. We sorta caught up and she told me a bit about what’s happening and i told her about the convo i had with Jimmy yesterday on Skype. It’s weird since i broke up with my ex, i’ve been talking to sabrina a lot more..which has been great because she always makes the time too talk too me even thought i now she’s busy in her own life. It’s nice knowing that there’s someone who always has my back..through the good and bad <3 i love her.So i told her about everything, how i was feeling what we talked about (that i could remember..i was a bit distract coz he didn’t have a shirt and his voice is just so sexy) but i mainly talked just about how a little crushed i felt. I’m just thinking about my future a lot more. So i always always pictured Jimmy in my future, i still do now even though we are not together. I told sabrina that so much has changed in the past 2 months and how we are both changing as human beings and maybe i might not like the new Jimmy or he might not like me. You know, it’s weird because people definitely have an influence on a person so he’s meeting new people (which is dope :D) but he might change and i might not like who he is becoming (and vice versa). I also talked about how much i do not want too do law, or work that 9-5 on a desk and how i’m trying to do something on my own time and that i love maybe art or writing idk haha its a long shot and people usually don’t make any money off of it so i will prolly just do it as hobbies. I also talked about how planning my future around Jimmy and I being together was so much more easier than it is now. Now i’m stuck and clueless and confused. I don’t know where i want to live or what i want too do and i have to figure all of it out very soon because i’m graduating in a years time.Side note: i had a dream last night after talking too Jimmy on skype. So in my dream and i was graduating uni and her came too my graduation and surprised me and met my mother and told her that he is proud of me and loves me and that he wants me back haha and all that good stuff. He was so confident and manly (in my dream i stared at him like i used to stare at him when he was explaining things too strangers and talking to strangers like that walking tour we went on and he met the Brazilians...lol you guys have no idea what i’m talking about, but fuck me everytime he did that i just fell in love with him even more) But it was an amazing dream, guess that’s what my deepest darkest thoughts are still thinking about.  

Where was I..ahh yes my life haha. Right i also told sabrina i wouldn’t mind moving too Portugal after i graduated and finding a job..i know that sounds crazy and desperate but someone would have to make a sacrifice right. I honestly would sacrifice a lot for him...but it wouldn’t feel like a sacrifice too me honestly. I love portugal with or without Jimmy, but a portugal with Jimmy would be ideal :) I think i’ve only recently started dealing with this break up better..but i’m also trying to thinking about getting him back i’m aloud to do that. What the heck right, my family already knows i love him they don’t even know him as a human being and they’d love him if they looked past his skin color and other stuff maybe on religion..but i’m not even into it anymore so what the heck. There are only two possible outcomes he like ayee yes i’m never letting you go..or people i left your bullshit behind i’m trying too move on far far away from you. I suck at maths but yo that a 50% chance, that’s pretty good. I just wish we’d try together you know...i dunno this is all dreaming i’m talking about coz if it actually happens you can tell yourself i told yah so. But in reality i seriously seriously gotta leave him alone, and trust me i’m trying so hard to hold in all the emotions i’m feeling. I force myself to stop sending him videos on fb or instagram and always have too stop myself from sending him snaps as well but i always still end up doing it. i made different accounts so anything that anything i watch that i know would make him laugh i send too those accounts instead. Also he never ever sends me any so i’m not trying to look needy and like an annoying ex gf..hell nah bitch not this black ass not today (V from shameless haha)  Gosh and what’s even more difficult is that i have my uni friends like ayse always being sad about being single...before i seriously used to say when the right person comes into ur life you’ll feel it and be so happy coz it happened too me... but then i remember damn i’m single and miserable as well. So i’m sad too. I’m ok with being single, i have no problem with that or i never did. Obviously i wanted affection, but losing someone you love that’s another fucking level. Things are only going to start getting harder...as time goes by people are going to come into both of our lives..and that scares me because that pushes us further and further away. Today we had 20 quran teachers (sheikah’s) read quran on us a bless the house (i never wanted too go and stopped going too quran class all together but i was like fuck it..i’ve just been questioning a lot of things like religion since my break up) and the entire time they were blessing us and the house i was extending those beautiful blessings to Jimmy and his family because they are always on my mind. I sat in a chair for two hours silently, but in my head i just kept on praying i want him back for good and i don’t ever want too lose him again and i want us to lvie happy life and to accomplish great things. I guess you could say it was a holy moment as 20 men read quran out loud and all ur doing is trying to pray for the one thing you want deep down inside. Trust me i’ve tried too ignore him and tried to hate him and tried too say too myself that I can find a way better man but that doesn’t fucking work.  So i don’t know where my future is going, but if god’s not going to help me get him back as many times as i ask...i will. I’m just scared he won’t love me anymore. You’re still the only guy i think about and dream about and care about. You’re drifting away and things are changing and its scary but i’m trying it’s just been so hard. I just wish a lot of things could happen for me that would make me happy but i gotta work for what i want.. I’m all alone, but i’m trying and im strong as fuck and proud of myself with everything i have been through. Summer 2017 definitely was the lowest point in my whole life too date but each day is getting ok i guess..

#diary

[becomingstrong1289]

01/02/1989...2017

Happy birthday. First I did pretty good eating. lots of water. I ate too much at my dads but besides then I ate well. tomorrow is the first weigh in of 2017 and we shall see what the beginning of my year will look like. Some lady on fb is offering some 21 days fix stuff and coaching and workout videos. idk if I should do it. its $200. I have tops to keep me accountable. I have this blog to talk to. I wouldn't mind getting the cups but I don't know if that's something I could keep up. Also, I have had a pain in my side all night. im starting to be afraid to eat. I don't know whats going on with my gi. its messing with me though.

I want to talk about parenting and being a single mom. Its soooo hard. today was hard. we all slept in. it was nice. Owen was awake first and we got some snuggle time in. Natalie woke up and I went to make breakfast. maybe I make too much complicated things. I like adding veggies whenever possible. Natalie likes scrambled eggs, green peppers and spinach. I made an omelet. neither of the kids ate it. it makes me so made because cooking takes time away from them with me. I have to clean the dishes, cut the veggies, cook the food, get their plates ready, get drinks, get them situated to eat and then no one buy me eats. its so much effort and no one appreciates it. I want my kids to be healthy, I want them to know how to eat healthy food and how to cook. I want to get Natalie in the kitchen with me but she needs to watch owen. maybe when we move well have a more open floor plan and that will be better, plus she always burns her damn self. its frustrating. they did eat the fruit I gave them. maybe simple is just the way to do it. stop being soooo wrapped up. I was throwing all my food into the steamer. it was messy though. kept boiling over. but maybe simple things like that or crock pot meals are just the way its going to have to go. once they didn't eat, Natalie got blueberries all over the couch. im starting to contemplating eating in the kitchen over the concrete floor. less mess, less distraction. ill try to move the dryer and see what happens. we need to eat as a family. im just so burned out by the time dinner comes I just want to zone out and not think. its so hard doing this all alone. at least if there were another person around half of everything could be taken on by them. I can handle one, two is so hard. Just saying this for now, I like shawn. I know he wants kids one day. what if that happens. what if I have another baby, that was never in the plans ever. what if I give in, what if we don't work out, what if im alone again, with 3 kids now. Idk if I can handle it. that's a scary thought. I think about it daily since getting someone serious with him. Jodie tells me not to think about it but these are the issues that break people apart. not wanting the same things. he would be such a good day though. he likes kids, he is a big kid. hes gentle. I think it would be fun to be pregnant with his kid. he did say something at his house about it when I took my birthcontrol, like he was testing the waters to see what my future plans were. I guess I haven't told him anything. im not very forth coming about things. I let him talk. ill ask him questions for days about himself but he never really comes back. maybe tomorrow well play 20 questions. I want him to know more about me and I want to see what hes interested in knowing about me. he prolly has no idea he barely knows me at all. and fucking andy. he came over yesterday and made me cry. everytime he comes over he digs into things im not ready to talk about and makes me cry. I cry a lot with him. its weird. I said without realizing it that it was the anniversary of me and josh starting our relationship. 8 years ago. I realized last night I have been paying for that kiss ever since. start to finish it has been a very painful relationship. but once I said it the memory of our first kiss and how I felt flooded back and made me cry. then andy said he doesn't think im as miserable as I put off here. that upset me because I guess I hadn't said it to myself how unhappy I am here. I think about it but I haven't made it real yet. I fucking hate my life. I hate where I live, I hate where my kid goes to school, im starting to hate my job, I hate my loneliness, I hate money, my diet, my body, my stress, my craziness, my need for male attention, my past, my future, I hate it all and I need to change it but its soo hard with kids and no money and no one to help. maybe it was his way of trying to keep me here. idk. I don't want to stay but I have no where to go. I envy people who just pick up and leave. those people don't have kids and if they do someone is with them.

Back to parenting, I need to set goals for myself . eating in the kitchen away from the tv is going to help. im scared to make Natalie eat more than she wants to because I don't want to force her to be an overeater. but I hate when she doesn't want to eat and 30 mins later says shes hungry. Eat in the kitchen, if she doesn't eat, her food will be placed in the fridge until the next meal and she will eat that if she is hungry. I need to hide the candy and offer healthier desserts. tonight she had a small bag of m&ms and a cup of blackberries. I have to know what im doing is working. owen and her eat their fruits. veggies are a maybe. I just have to calm down. accept the dirty house, the millions of dishes and mounds of laundry. they are not going away. maybe one load a day of laundry. and put away dishes one day, wash the other. its hard to be motivated daily, having people over helps I guess. its prolly the only reason my house looks half way decent. shawn might come Wednesday night. ill be mad dashing again. and I should make him dinner. we need to keep our money for the future. lol.

tomorrow is Tuesday. my goal is to clean eat for 4 straight days. today I had coffee with no milk. I can deal with that. it wasn't horrible. no cappuccino at work. black coffee stevia and water is it. lime and cucumbers should go in. the cuc needs to be used. maybe a drop of peppermint in my coffee. hmm. maybe a small container of oatmeal for breakfast. and a chicken wrap hummus and lots of cut up veggies for lunch. dinner.....steamed fish. kids can have spaghetti. I can do it.