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kurokens · 5 days

Text

In The Middle | Satosugu

anime/manga: jujutsu kaisen

character: gojo satoru & geto suguru

words: 798

pronouns: they/them

request: none

notes: probably an overused prompt but idc sue me, i needed to write one of my own. im a sucker for misunderstanding. i haven't written anything in such a long time, it's been a while im sorry, satosugu have been on my mind for a while, and i needed to write something with them because i love them so fucking much. it's gonna be a series, so hopefully i dont disappear after one part lol... later on it might be specific on some insecurities bc i need it and i thought well let's just share it with the world and other who might need it. sorry for any mistakes T-T

not proof read

song rec: SHE'S - In The Middle

genre: hurt comfort, fluff, slowburn, a little bit angsty, poly?

warnings: bad english not my first language, satosugu are in a loving relationship, misunderstanding, pinning, a lot of pinning on satosugu's end, reader is so oblivious (is that the right one?), insecure and self conscious reader

You've always told yourself you weren't the type to live with anyone, you liked your quiet and your peace. Alone in your little bubble, without a soul to disturb it. And yet, here you were awoken by your roomates lover quarrel in the room next door, for the hundredth time this week.

"Don't you love me anymore? Am I not enough for you?" a whiny voice whisper-screamed "Satoru, my love, it was a dream, it was all in your head." an exhausted voice replied

"So what?? It doesn't mean anything? Are my feelings not valid?" Gojo huffed.

"How are you so dramatic so early in the morning? Let's go back to sleep come here.", Geto carefully lifted the blanket so his boyfriend could go back exactly where he belonged, asleep and quiet in his arms.

Such occurences weren't new to you, you could even say there were your daily life, that's why you laughed hearing the bickering couple, and turned around in your bed to try and fall back asleep while their muffled voices could still be heard in the background. This was without counting on what part of their conversation your brain decided to pick up on next. "I dont know for how much longer I can do this Sugu.." Satoru sighed. "Me neither love, but there is nothing much we can do about it.They live with us." His black haired lover replied. "I know, ugh I know, but it's getting so much harder everyday. Seeing them is becoming unbearable. I can't stand it anymore, we need to do something." He went on. "Shh, I know, I feel the same. But we can't just drop this on them all of the sudden and expect it to go well." The oldest reasoned.

Your heart shattered on the other side of the wall, now sitting against the headboard, an unstoppable flow of tears falling down your face. You were a bother? You thought the three of you were friends, shit, scratch that, best friends. And yet, yet, this was how they felt about you. Fuck fuck FUCK You needed to calm down, it's okay, you're okay. It must have been a nightmare, yeah that's right, a nightmare. Your brain loved playing tricks on you, waking you up in the middle of the night with the most vivid and realistic nightmares ever, enough to send you into full blown meltdown. Nothing to worry about, it was just a nightmare, nothing else. That's what you told yourself and yet when you woke up you couldnt shake this weird feeling in your stomach. You contemplated staying in your bed all day and avoid your roomates but that would be silly to ignore them for something that was potentially just a dream. So you shook the silly feelings away and got out of your bed, made your way to the kitchen to make some breakfast. Your two roommates were already there, being lovey dovey in each others lap and the weird feeling made its way back into your stomach. "Hi there." You greeted tiredly, only to be met with an echo of short hms, and not even a nod to accompany the cold greeting. The lack of acknowledgment not helping with your already overthinking mind, you decided to take a quick breakfast and just leave them be. It could just be a coincidence, nothing to worry about haha, right? Or so you thought, because you were back in your room mindlessly scrolling through tik tok when you once again hear the muffled voices of your roommates. Your brain screamed at you to put your headphones on and drown out their conversation, but you couldn't get yourself to do it, and you decided to listen to them, to at least finally be able to know whether or not you dreamed what happened last night. And maybe you shouldn't have, but what else could you do now but listen to the cruel words of the ones you once considered your best friends. "Suguru, we need to do it soon. I can't even handle looking at them in the eyes anymore, let alone utter a word to them. We can't keep going like this." Satoru complained. "I know 'Toru, I know, but you need to understand it's not as easy as you think it is." You heard the black haired man answer. And it was enough for you, you needed to get out of there. You obviously were no longer welcomed here, and the sooner you left, the better it would be, for both parties. So inbetween tears you picked up a bag and threw some spare clothes and anything that you could think of in your frenzy state before you ran out of there, determined to never come back, at least not for a while. here u gooo!! sorry i've been away for a while, i've been finding it hard to write and staying focused, but i missed it so much, especially for these two. i'll try not to take too long to write AT LEAST a second part, but would love to do more than this bc i want it to be extremely slown burn and a little bit angsty krkrkr

#saturn's writing #satosugu x reader #satosugu x you #satosugu poly #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #geto x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #geto suguru x reader #geto suguru x you #geto suguru x gojo satoru x reader

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seeingivy · 11 months

Text

never grow up

satoru gojo x f!reader

tsumiki’s first date doesn’t go so well.

**part of my satoru as taylor swift songs series

content: megumi + tsumiki kiddos, mentions of heartbreak, reader says she wants to murder a child at one point, reader and gojo are soulmates, written for my girlies who are still waiting for love (I am the target audience)

an: my other gojo fic is personally victimizing me. like physically giving me pain in my soul its making me very mad. anyways here is a consolation prize (very old draft) while I try to revive that dumpster fire and not rip my hair out in the process. apologies to the gojo girlies im sorry :(((

You press down the ends of Tsumiki’s hair, setting her hair against the hairband that she had picked out. You feel her reach up, squeezing your hands as you give her hair one last spray lean down to press a kiss to the top of her head.

She turns around, pressing herself against your legs as Satoru and Megumi walk in, leaning against the doorframe. They’re both irritated - not big fans of the whole ordeal.

Tsumiki’s going on a date.

Satoru was very adamant about it at first. Tsumiki can’t go on a date. She’s only thirteen and she has no business looking at boys, let alone going out with one.

But she was just so excited, her tiny little eyes looking up into yours as she pleaded with you to convince him. So you did - his favorite dessert, a few kisses, and batting your pretty eyelashes until he gave in. And he always does.

Megumi wasn’t one to exactly stop it per say, but he had made his opinions clear. He’s not a nice guy. Dates are stupid. Love isn’t real. You chalk it up to the fact that he’s a morbid nine year old.

The three of you clump by the door as you watch her walk out the door, shooting you one last toothy smile before locking her fingers with the boy, Hiro she said his name was, and skipping down the walkway to where his parents were waiting.

Megumi trails off immediately, running up to his room as you and Satoru watch the car drive away. He reaches over, locking his fingers with yours, as he cranes his neck out the doorway to watch the car disappear down the street.

“She’s too young to go on a date, Y/N. What if he’s an idiot?”

You wrap your arms around him, squeezing his arms as he deflates against you.

“They’re thirteen, Toru. I bet they’re just going to awkwardly hold hands during the movie and freak out about it. It’ll be fine.”

“And what if something else happens and she comes home crying, love?”

“She’s growing up. Stuff like that will happen. We just have to be here to catch her, that’s all.”

You and Satoru are standing outside the movie theater, the rain pouring against the shade, as you wait for Tsumiki to leave the theater. She had texted you - two hours earlier than she was supposed to, much to Satoru’s dismay - and had said that she wanted to come home.

And when she comes out, you know you made the wrong choice by letting her go. Because there she is, crying puddles like Satoru said she would. Her eyes are swollen, her cheeks tinted pink, and the look on her face is just about to make you cry. She looks heartbroken.

She holds her hand out to Satoru, the two of them walking off to the car as you trail behind the time.

You feel horrible. You pushed her too hard, too early - letting your own past get caught up in what you were doing with Tsumiki. You remember it vividly. Pining in your room, saying no to dates because you knew your parents would never let you go. Getting stuck wondering about what could have been, how much love you lost out on just because someone stopped you.

You didn’t want to do that to Tsumiki. Let her lose out on feeling special, having someone hand her flowers, and making her smile just because she was only thirteen.

This is somehow worse. She’s only thirteen and she knows. The soul crushing feeling of someone not returning your feelings, thinking you’re weird, having love to hold onto that no one wants to return.

The three of you return home, not having uttered a single word the entire ride home. Megumi was still over at Yuji’s, having ran over to his house across the street the second the two of you went to pick up Tsumiki.

“Want me to go get him, Toru?”

“Not yet, love. We have to talk to Miki first.”

You press your hands against your sides, awkwardly ambling into the kitchen where she was sitting at the table. She had unwrapped the plate you had made her - that she was supposed to eat when she told you about how great her date was. Instead she looks deflated, pushing her fork across the sides as she picks out the smallest bites of food.

You sit next to her and watch Satoru zip around the kitchen, placing items in front of you. Three spoons, strawberries, and the industrial tub of chocolate ice cream that Satoru bought against your protests.

He leans forward, taking the plate in front of Tsumiki onto the side and pushing the ice cream in front of her. He hands the two of you spoons, taking the third, and opens the lid.

“Alright Miki. Let’s talk, yeah?”

“No.”

She lowers her head, digging her spoon into the ice cream as you and Satoru stand at her sides. He leans over, slinging his arm around her shoulder as he gestures to you to do the same. You both lean your heads against hers, the three of you still digging into the ice cream.

You’re not sure when she started, but when you look over, Tsumiki’s crying, her hold on both of your hands so tight you can feel the blood stopping. The three of you wordlessly eat the ice cream, until Satoru breaks the silence - nearly an hour later.

“Want to talk about it now?’

“I just got sad. When we got there, he asked me if one of my friends liked anyone because he liked her. Not me.”

You can feel the bitterness sticking in your throat - a heavy mix of guilt and anger. You never really understood child violence, but you think you’re starting to get it. Because why would he take her all the way there just to say that? Hold her hand on the pavement just to ask about her friend? You’re going to throttle him.

“I just wanted someone to like me like you guys like each other.”

You and Satoru look at each other over the top of her head, your heart squeezing in your chest at her words.

“Someone will, Tsumiki. I promise, okay?”

She crushes her hand in yours, nodding as she leans closer into you. You can see the gears in Satoru’s head moving as he looks over, shaking his head at you.

“Can I tell you something, Tsumiki?’

She looks up at him, the two of you looking into his bright, blue eyes.

“No one liked Y/N when she was younger.”

You glare at him, rolling your eyes. He can’t be serious.

“Really?”

“Yeah. She went months, years on end waiting for someone to like her back, you know?”

“Thank you for the reminder, Satoru.”

He ruffles the top of your hair as Tsumiki laughs, shaking his head at the two of you.

“What I mean is, Y/N and I had to wait for each other. We didn’t get it right on the first try or even the third, fourth, or fifth try. Y/N dated guys who were mean to her, I dated girls who didn’t even really like me, and we both were really, really sad about it.”

Now you get it.

“I waited for Y/N. She didn’t just come around super easy, okay? You’ll have to wait for your Y/N too.”

“Waiting for Satoru made it all the sweeter when I got to him, you know?”

She looks up, a questioning look in her eyes as she angles her neck upwards.

“The thing you’re waiting for is worth it. And you don’t have to worry about it not coming, because it will. And when it comes, you won’t even remember that you had ever waited, that you ever felt this way.”

You and Satoru both watch her wipe her tears with the back of her hand, nodding as she gives the two of you one last hug and pads off to her room. You and Satoru stay in the kitchen, your hands locked together as you eat the tub of ice cream Satoru left out.

You lean over, pressing your forehead against his shoulder as you groan. He places his free hand in your hair, soothing through the tangles at the ends of your hair.

“What are you groaning, love?”

“I should have just listened to you. She’s all sad now because I let her go.”

“That’s not your fault. It was right to let her go now because it was bound to happen one day.”

“I know that, Toru. I just…I don’t want her to grow up. I don’t think I really realized it before but people can hurt her. The bad way. And we can’t really protect her from that.”

He lets go of the spoon, circling his hands around your face as he lifts your head up. He’s looking down at you, stupid blue eyes glimmering, as he gives you a soft smile.

“She’s growing up. Stuff like that will happen. And she won’t be alone, because we’ll be there to catch her.”

“Don’t quote me back to me dumbass. I hate you.”

He laughs in response, leaning down to press soft kisses to your face - your forehead, cheeks, the tip of your nose. You shrug him off, pressing yourself against his shoulder again, his hand rubbing small circles into your side.

“Thanks for waiting for me, Toru.” you whisper, leaning closer to him.

“You’re so dramatic.”

He leans down, pressing kisses all over your face till you’re smiling so big you have to push him off. He always does this - tickles, kisses, squishes you to death until you smile at him again. He stops, pulling you close again as you both swing your legs against the chair.

“Thanks for waiting for me too, love.”

You and Satoru drag Tsumiki and Megumi to the bookstore the next day, much to Megumi’s dismay. You tell Tsumiki that she can pick anything she wants out and that the two of you will buy it for her.

She joins the two of you at the front, holding a laminated purple calendar in her hands. You crouch down, turning it over in your hands, as she looks at you. It’s a fifteen year calendar - which you didn’t even know they made.

“You picked…a calendar?”

“I want to count down the days. Till I find my you.”

She skips off, entering the line as you and Satoru follow, your hands locked together. He squeezes your hands three times, giving you a soft smile, as you return his three squeezes.

One squeeze for each word. I love you.

the satoru as taylor swift songs series masterlist

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tswwwit · 28 days

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(sorry, this got way long, and maybe a little sappy, but i didn't want to spam with multiple asks)

so i just finished reading the most recent chapter of the cultist reincarnation au, and i love it so so much.

my personal fave part is bills little rivalry with the mini bill plush. bill waited for so long to see his husband again, and this little plush is getting all of the affection bill wants, i love it. i hope dipper keeps it around after getting all his memories back, because it is a wonderful way to tease bill. just 'fine, i'll just go hug and kiss my new, better husband!' said as dipper walks off with mini bill just to annoy bill.

after reading that chapter i started rereading the entire familiar au (or like 95% of everything that was written for it including snippits, pov changes, and multipart stories, thanks to weirdeggi's masterpost) and its so so fun and interesting seeing bill go from a demonic jackass who barely tolerates his human, to seeing him put so much time, care, and patience into making sure the cultist reincarnation of dipper feels comfortable and relaxed around him. while seeing dipper go from timid and ignorant in the beginning to confident and knowledgeable with the ability to handle all of bills tricks easily.

it's just all so good and you write the characters so so well, i love them so much. i love seeing how much they've grown and drove each other insane/sane. the world building is so well done, especially with how the magic works and affects things. i've read these stories so many times over the years and as they come out, and each new one is always a delight. no pressure on you to rush of course, please take your time, but know that any new fic or chapter you post has at least one person eager to read and enjoy it.

(the rest of this is just going to be fun questions that popped up while rereading, no pressure on answering them, i just thought of them while reading and thought they'd be fun to ask and share)

I am curious about how bill views or thinks about his 'sickness' after the events of confessing it, and if that's different from several reincarnations later. cause i know in the bill v bill fic the other bill still calls it a sickness, and while i know our bill is happy as hell, i do wonder if he still thinks its a sickness or a curse, even if its the best thing to ever happen to him.

i'd also be interested to know if dipper ever makes friends with any demons, cause like i know in confessing it he meets pyronica and she reminds him of mabel, and he kinda got along with the spider centaur demon, but it would be neat to know if he ever makes actual friends with any demons, and if those friendships 1) make bill jealous 2) last over several reincarnations

speaking of the reincarnation, i'm curious when in their relationship that those two put that plan into action. like if it was still early into their relationship or if it was as dipper got older and his days got more numbered. i know bill thinks of it kind of early on while they're together, but that doesn't mean it's put into action right away.

it would be neat to see how all bills henchmen eventually see the whole bond too. i know in confessing it they see bill acting all weird with dipper, and how much his human affects bills mood, so im sure they know its better to have him around even if for a little while. but its fun to think that later down the line when the reincarnations pop up its viewed more as 'vacation time' when the henchmen don't have to take over reality and can relax while bills off smooching his mortal.

Thanks so much; I'm really glad you've enjoyed the fic! If it's been half as fun to read as it's been to write I'll have accomplished a ton.

Okay, onto the questions:

1: Bill likely still considers it a sort of sickness/curse, but like. Not a bad one, necessarily. While his relationship is way weird for a demon, that's actually great! He's the master of weirdness! If it weirds out other beings or confuses the hell out of them, that's proof that he's the best in the biz, baby. And he's very, very happy.

2: Dipper probably does make some demon friends/acquaintances. It's only natural after multiple lifetimes running in the same circles with eternal beings. Given a friendship in one lifetime, it's likely the demons' assumption that they'll just pick back up where they left off! Neat new body, how's it suiting you? (The familiarity weirds out Dipper incarnations until they get their memories back.)

I don't think Bill's jealous of them, though. Hanging out with buddies doesn't register as 'competition' for Dipper's affections, in the same way that Dipper's not jealous of the henchmaniacs.

3: I haven't decided exactly when they settle on the reincarnation thing, but likely it's after a near-death experience. Maybe even post-whump!

4: Speaking of those henchmen! They're eventually gonna get used to Bill being hitched. Not like they have a choice in the matter; Dipper's not going anywhere.

The new status quo is pretty weird, but they knew what they were getting into in regards to 'weird' - and frankly, Bill's in a vastly better mood whenever his husband's home. Something that puts the Boss in a cheerful Fun Times Interdimensional Crimes Party mood? When he gets pissy there's a human who deals with it, rather than Bill lashing out and picking on whoever's closest? Absolutely! They're all for it! Once those Big Upsides become apparent, they're gonna be pleased to see Dipper hanging around.

#answers #Cult Dipper with his memories back absolutely 100% will storm off when miffed to go kiss and cuddle his 'better husband' (Mini-Bill)#Bill then fumes and sulks at this horrible injustice #This was long in my response but hey! Sometimes you gotta write a lot #So glad that you're enjoying my work #I gotta write more now #Onward to the document #Unless I get sidetracked by Stardew again

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utahlive · 1 year

Text

Sorry!! No episode today but I do have some extra content for you! The Wilbur/Quackity comic (?) has been in the works for a while so I want to show you some of the behind the scenes stuff. Sorry if its not too interesting ^_^’’

The comics are a bit long so I’m going to put them under the cut

Here’s the first draft of the scene, drawn sometime in early December. I was originally going to have it be a daydream Wilbur was having from behind the counter at the store. I decided against it because it felt like a weird transition from him being home to suddenly being back in the store. The dialogue (sorry if you cannot read my handwriting </3) also felt really stilted, plus I had a point I was going for that wasn’t really hit with what was being said here.

These two are essentially the storyboard for the text below. I originally intended for Quackity’s face to never be fully shown, but when I tried to draw it digitally it looked weird. Plus, I feel like there’s more of a connection if you can actually see his face. Im also a bit proud of my cquackity design sorry. This iteration is the one where I decided that Wilbur would be in his car rather than at the story (its very messy, but the 4 tiny boxes on the side is the transition from him smoking in LN to being in his car and driving away).

plus some warmups and deciding how long I wanted Wilburs hair to be at the bottom

Here’s the original script, written on a plane with about 3 hours of sleep. I condensed it a bit, since I didn’t want to draw 15 whole pages and I didn’t want it to drag on. I also scrapped the last part in the notes, obviously. A gradual “waking up” would have worked too I guess, but I think the more jarring transition was more the feel I was going for (the kind of “snapping back” when you finish a memory/when something catches your attention).

I didn’t originally intend for the comic (can I even call it that?) to be a two parter, but once I decided Wilbur would be in his car, it would be too odd to just...go back to normal. I hope it was clear in the final product, but Q only shows up in the reflections of the window/mirror. Reflections are so great for so many things, and I’m definitely going to (continue) to use them lol!

I did get some people in the inbox saying how Quackity’s colors were similar to the sky from the first part, but they’re actually the same (just a bit more glow-y in this part) since I took the sky/background from the previous comic and overlayed it. The whole idea of Q using snippets of speech from the previous comic was also really fun to do. I’ve always wanted to have a story where I can do that (I did it for more reasons that it just being cool, but that’s definitely one of them! haha). Anyway that’s all! If you read this far, thank you for indulging me :D Apologies again for no episode; I burnt myself out a bit, and I’m working on another big episode and those tend to take up a lot of my time.

#utahlive #4th wall break #im also working on a character lineup sheet so I can have references for everyone. yeesh #oh also on a scale of 1 to 10 how funny would it be to incorporate polls into this blog #when they become available #also hi there tag readers #behind the scenes

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aerequets · 1 year

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sugar, spice, and everything nice

ao3

rating: G

genre: fluff, humor

synopsis: After the fifth time Loid turned around to see Yuri feigning immense interest in their coffee table, he sighed, long-suffering and in disbelief of what he was about to say. “...do you want to come see what I’m making?”

a/n: this is the first fic i'm posting that was not written in one sitting past midnight :D milestones yall! also i think the first fic which isn't twiyor centric? anyways i know some people love yuri and many, many people loathe him. i'm more on the neutral end, where i acknowledge he's a funky guy and if i ignore the weirder aspects of his love for yor and pretend its just intense attachment issues due to trauma etc then i think he's swell. i didn't really know how to write him since in the series itself he's used more as a plot device than anything else, and loid's view on him reflects that, so hopefully this doesn't feel too weird. also ending fics is hard im sorry 🙏🙏

anyways i've talked enough, one last thank you for everyone who leaves reviews and kudos, i don't get to respond to them but i do read them all and appreciate the love <3 enjoy

...

“Yooor!” Yuri sang as he shoved the door to the Forger residence open, bouquet of flowers in hand. “I got off work early so I decided to come… and…”

His voice petered out as he took a better look inside the apartment he’d just forcibly entered. The chihuahua girl and her polar bear of a dog were in the living room with some noxious cartoon blaring on the TV set. That damned Forger was in the kitchen, messing around with something that definitely didn’t smell good whatsoever. Most importantly, there was a glaring, offensive lack of Yor!

“Where is Yor?” He asked, accusingly pointing a finger at Loid who finally looked up from his work. “What did you do to her?!”

Loid’s eye twitched. What made Yuri assume he could just barge in whenever he wanted and find Yor waiting for him? “She got called out for a late night shift.”

“Don’t lie to me, you—” Yuri’s other senses finally caught up and he begrudgingly confirmed that whatever Forger was messing around with did smell good. Really good. And vaguely familiar? He sniffed the air deeply, trying to figure it out.

Anya looked up from her cartoons. “Are you acting like a dog, Unkie?”

“I’m not the dog here!”

Loid debated with himself as Yuri stood in the doorway, neither coming in nor leaving. The polite, Loid-Forgerly thing to do would be to invite him inside to wait for Yor to come back. That was what upstanding gentlemen, good members of society—far from the blacklists of the SSS— acted like; gracious, affable.

The thing was, he didn’t really want to.

He watched Yuri argue with Anya about dogs (“there’s an actual dog, and then you, chihuahua girl. I am a normal person!”) and groaned. Come on. What would Yor think if she heard Yuri came by and I turned him away? It would be no good if he displeased her. He had to do this for the sake of Strix.

“Would you like to come in?” He called from his spot in the kitchen, none too welcomingly.

(Doing it for the mission didn’t mean he had to be happy about it.)

Yuri was torn from his impassioned argument with a literal first grader. “Tch… I guess since I’ve brought flowers, I might as well put them in water,” he muttered. “No other reason!”

He came in. He split the gargantuan bouquet up into six different vases. He made some comments about how Anya’s cartoon was impossible according to the laws of physics. Then he just stood in the living room, trying—and failing—to act like he wasn’t peering at Loid’s activity in the kitchen, still loudly sniffing the air. Really, even if Loid didn’t have senses sharpened to a knife’s point, it would be difficult not to notice Yuri. To make matters worse, every time he turned back, Yuri would suddenly whip around and act like he definitely wasn’t loitering, the way they did in bad sitcoms. Is this the way the SSS carry out their own covert operations? he wondered.

Aside from Anya’s cartoon playing in the background, it was painfully quiet, the only sounds coming from Loid's activity in the kitchen. It seemed like Yuri wasn’t going to strike up a conversation, and Loid wasn’t inclined to, either. But then why is he just standing there?

After the fifth time Loid turned around to see Yuri feigning immense interest in their coffee table, he sighed, long-suffering and in disbelief of what he was about to say. “...do you want to come see what I’m making?”

Yuri squinted at him like he was affronted at the mere notion. “Hmph. I guess I could.” The speed with which he made his way to the kitchen offset his haughty tone. He glanced down into the various bowls Loid had set out on the counter, one filled with sliced apples, another with some uncracked eggs, and a third with flour, sugar, and spices laid out, but not yet combined.

“Apples,” Yuri said, almost dumbstruck. He forgot to keep the scowl on his face as he picked up an aniseed from the third bowl and brought it to his nose. It seemed like he finally found what he’d been sniffing around for. “You’re making apple cake?”

“Close,” Loid said, surprised by Yuri’s flip in demeanor. “Apple streusel pie. Do you make apple cake?”

“Not me. But… this smell is…” Yuri mumbled, smelling the anise. “I don’t really remember, but this thingy smells familiar to me.”

“It’s star anise. And people often say that smells are stronger links to memories than visuals,” Loid offered. “Maybe it’s something you used to have.”

Yuri’s eyes widened. “Oh. Now that I think about it…” He held the aniseed up to the light. “I think Mom put this in apple cake once, on Sis’ birthday.” He cut a glance to Loid. “Apples are her favorite.”

Loid knew—that was why he was making apple streusel. But he was more astonished at the fact that Yuri brought up an old memory to him at all. Right now, with Yuri looking at the aniseed with an almost wondrous expression, it struck Loid how much of a kid Yuri was.

Yuri was only twenty years old. When Twilight was twenty years old, he was still new to WISE, training hard and getting his ego beaten down even harder. He’d thought he knew everything there was to know back then.

Could he blame Yuri for thinking the same way?

For the first time, Loid found himself regarding Yuri with something that wasn’t annoyance. Sure, the guy was more attached to Yor than superglue, but again, could he be blamed? He was a kid clinging onto the only thing left from his childhood.

Yuri turned to him with a grim expression. “I think I should take over this baking project of yours.”

Any feelings of tenderness were dashed in an instant. “What?”

“Apples are Yor’s favorite, and I know her best, so I should make the apple cake.”

“Apple streusel. ”

“Whatever!”

Loid resisted the urge to physically kick Yuri out of the kitchen. Don’t tussle with an SSS officer. Don’t tussle with your wife’s brother. Don’t tussle with a kid! “Are you forgetting the last time you came and destroyed the kitchen?”

“You may have won then, but I won’t back down from this fight,” Yuri hissed. Loid gaped, a headache building in his temples. Since when was this a fight?

“Is this round two?!” Anya’s voice suddenly piped. The two of them turned to see her standing by the counter, looking strangely excited. She’d abandoned her cartoons to stretch up onto her tiptoes to see the counter. “Papa versus Unkie?”

“We aren’t doing that,” Loid said at the same time Yuri declared “I’m going to wipe the floor with him.” They turned and glared at each other.

Bond trotted up to Anya and nudged her with his nose. She paused, turned to the dog, and then brightened up.

“I just thought of a way better idea,” she announced. “Let’s all bake for Mama together!”

“What?!” The evening was spiraling way out of control. All Loid had wanted was to make some apple streusel for Yor since she was working late so often and deserved a treat (because if she got too tired or fed up, it would reflect badly on their fake marriage). Now he was meant to bake with her hyperactive brother and his equally hyperactive daughter—two people with an entire lack of abandon in the kitchen?

“No way,” Yuri sniffed, and for once Loid wholeheartedly agreed—until he continued, “I'm gonna make such a good apple streusel Yor will forget why she ever married you."

“This is not your kitchen,” Loid said, patience evaporated. “You aren't making anything, not here at least.”

“What, are you scared?”

“I'm not going to argue with you about this—”

Anya sighed loudly and tutted as if she were an exasperated adult. “Mama will be happiest,” she said slowly, “if we all make it.”

That got both men to pause. Well, thought Loid, I am making this to cheer her up in the first place. Anya's not wrong…

Agh. If it makes Sis happier, then shouldn't I…?

Anya smiled in satisfaction. In the snippet of the future she read from Bond's mind, it seemed like everyone was getting along and Mama was smiling really wide, so Papa and Unkie had to stop fighting in order for that to happen. As fun as round two sounded, that future seemed better.

(Also, in that version of the future, everyone was too distracted and happy to notice Anya sneaking extra dessert. Double win!)

“Yay! What do I do?” Anya asked, eagerly hopping up on a stool. “Can I put the crumblies on top?”

“It's not time for that yet,” Loid replied. “Though you can help me make the topping if you want. Er, Yuri, if you want to get started on the custard, you can crack the eggs…”

“Right, eggs,” Yuri repeated before picking one up and smashing it into the bowl, shell splintering. Loid and Anya jumped.

“Not like that!” Loid cried.

“Even I learned how to crack eggs,” Anya unhelpfully supplied, leading Yuri's face to glow red. Loid felt a tinge of pity (he knew how Anya's words could burn firsthand) and cautiously asked, “Did you ever learn to crack an egg, Yuri?”

“It was fine to do it this way before Yor ate your food,” he mumbled in response. Loid was silent for a few seconds before turning to the fridge and pulling a fresh egg out. “This is how you do it.” He demonstrated over the bowl, noting how Yuri carefully tracked the movement. “Tap gently enough to make a crack in the shell. Then pull it apart like you're opening it. Yor learned this way too.” He threw the empty shells away before adding, “Not everything has to stay the way it was before, you know.”

A muscle in Yuri's jaw jumped, but he said nothing and instead set to cracking the other eggs, a little clumsy but decidedly better. Loid then got Anya to whisk the powders together ( “Gently,” he insisted, since it seemed Anya had some sort of floury vendetta) and he cut the butter in for the streusel topping. Yuri began haltingly asking for instructions on what to do next, which Loid was glad to provide.

Time passed like this, with Loid and Yuri slowly warming up to each other via baking. During the process of whisking, mixing, pouring and arranging apples, it seemed like Yuri forgot to be thorny with Loid, and Loid forgot to be cross at Yuri's presence. Anya, too, quickly forgot why she was helping at all and went back to watching cartoons, in wait for when the streusel would be ready for her to eat.

It was when a warm, cinnamon-sugary smell was filling the apartment and Loid and Yuri were cleaning up that the front door opened. Yor trudged in, tired and sore from the night's assignment and ready to collapse into bed. She froze upon seeing six fresh vases and a very familiar pair of shoes in the doorway.

The TV was playing one of Anya's cartoons, but the living room was void. Yor, weary and blood still pumping, immediately assumed the worst. Oh, no. What if Yuri came and got in a fight with Loid? What if he found out we're fake married?! Where's Anya? And—

She, too, had to pause and finally breathe in the mouthwatering scent hanging in the air. There was just something about it…

Abandoning all caution, Yor slipped inside, keeping her steps light just in case something really was wrong. But it smelled too good for there to be any real damage—was that sound logic, or was she just hungry? In any case, she made sure not to draw attention to herself as she poked her head into the kitchen.

“And for pots that have a lot of gunk in them, you can just boil a bit of water with soap and vinegar and wait till it foams. Makes it easier to clean,” Loid was telling Yuri. “Yor taught me that, actually—oi, Anya, don't open the oven yet.”

“Makes sense.” Yuri was scribbling something down in a notepad, punching down on the dots and lines. “I'll triple-star that one since it's a tip from Sis.”

“Is it ready yet?” Anya was alternating between excitedly jumping in front of the oven and plastering her face up against the glass. Bond, too, was sat next to Anya with his tail furiously thumping on the ground. “It smells sooo good!”

“It'll be just a minute. Come on, back up from there, both of you.”

Yor was so shocked at what she was seeing that she dropped her purse, alerting everyone of her presence. They all gawked at each other; Anya and Bond were the first to react, scrambling up from their spots.

“Mama! You're back!” Anya exclaimed, hugging her mother's knees. Bond barked and Yor pet his head absentmindedly, still trying to process what she was seeing.

“I am,” she said faintly. “Yuri…? When did you get here?”

“Sis!” Yuri said, also snapping out of his stupor. He sheepishly tucked his notepad away. “Um, a bit ago, I guess. I came to visit you, but you were out, and…"

“Did you guys bake together?” Yor asked, daring to hope. Yuri and Loid exchanged a glance before Loid smiled.

“He's a quick learner.”

"Loi-Loi is an okay teacher, I guess,” Yuri reluctantly added. “We made apple streusel. Do you remember Mom's apple cake?”

Yor inhaled, closing her eyes. The memory was fuzzy, but distinctly sweet, as if the taste of the cake remained. “Yeah. This smells really similar.”

“Yuri had the idea of adding cloves and cardamom,” Loid said. “It worked out quite nicely.”

“Yeah, it was my idea,” Yuri said proudly. Loid rolled his eyes but said nothing more on the subject. No wonder it smelled so familiar, Yor thought. She could hardly believe Yuri even remember the apple cake. Or that he'd shared enough about it with Loid that they were able to replicate some of it in the streusel.

Something warm and sweet was filling up in Yor's chest. Was it the sugar in the air? She breathed it in, cheeks apple red and sore from how widely she was beaming, previous tiredness all but forgotten. She hadn't realized how much she'd subconsciously wanted Yuri to warm up to her family before. Her family. His family now, too. It didn't have to be just the two of them.

“Ah—are you crying?!” Yor's eyes had gotten a little shiny, which naturally led to Yuri bursting out bawling. “I missed you toooo!”

The oven dinged and Loid pulled out the streusel as Yor joined them in the kitchen. As the adults got to chatting, Anya snuck around and victoriously stabbed a forkful of the piping dessert, blowing on it vigorously before chomping down. She grinned around her fork.

Victory was sweet.

#spy x family #spy x family fic #my fic #my writing #sxf #sxf fic #yuri briar #loid forger #twilight #agent twilight #sxf yuri #sxf loid #anya forger #sxf anya #yor forger #sxf yor #bond forger #sxf bond

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catominor · 19 days

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ok heres everything i have written about romegaverse in my drafts .... putting it under a readmore so that i dont have to subject anyone who is not interested in this beautiful horrible world weve created to my extensive romegaverse worldbuilding. also this is unedited so if its incomprehensible sorry i have a very rambly way of writing when im thinking through very important questions such as these.

ok but what about gender roles. obviously omegas are stereotyped to be more feminine, and this is certainly true for female omegas (who i imagine get stereotyped as oversexed and promiscuous, but are simultaneously lusted after/desirable) but male omegas, after gaining civil rights, have worked very hard to dispel stereotypes of them as effeminate and useless in 'male' spheres (which has only partly worked). perhaps if a male omega is married to a male alpha or beta he's called a wife and expected to take the wife's role in the relationship in private, but still at the same time expected not to act 'effeminate' in his public life (if he has one, which most high status male omegas choose to) and is held to similar standards about this as other men, because he is still a man.

i imagine there'd be weird double standards about both male and female omegas? like they'd be simultaneously revered and reviled. a male omega is highly desirable because he has, in romegaverse society's view, the brain of a man but with the ability to reproduce like a woman. but there;s also a distrust of his effeminate role in private life and whether that makes him untrustworthy. female omegas, again, are highly desirable but also distrusted because of their exaggerated femininity.

(as an aside i imagine female alphas would be viewed as undesirable to most men, but would perhaps have a special place in society? maybe have some kind of priesthood a lot of them are in or religious significance to them? there also probably wouldn't be very many of them depending on whether secondary gender is visible from birth (in which case a lot of them would probably be exposed) or appeared later, in which case there'd be an amount of them proportional to male alphas)

more romegaverse thoughts: i wonder if they would end up with a dearth of women in the population if men could get pregnant? like, having a daughter wouldn't be as useful as an omega son because a daughter wouldn't also be able to participate in politics like an omega son would, and you can still marry off your omega son too for alliances so it's like the best of both worlds (though obviously it would depend on your finances; it would cost a lot of money to both give your omega son a dowry and finance his political career). im picturing a world where like. 1/3 of people each are alphas, betas, and omegas. maybe due to this they've ended up with like a 60/40 or maybe even 70/30 male/female divide? fluctuating through time probably based on other factors like the economy and so on.

as for discrimination against omegas i imagine there was a big movement for more (male) omega political rights in like the early or mid republic. mayhaps even an omega war. so now they are able to participate in politics but theres still a lot of stereotypes about them and distrust of them/view of them as less capable than other types of men. i also don't think they would be allowed to participate in warfare due to their ability to get pregnant maybe?

marriages: id imagine any union that could produce children would be a marriageable one, but any combination of sexes that couldn't would not be marriageable. so a male alpha could marry anyone except another male alpha or a male beta, a female alpha could marry anyone at all, and so on. (this is assuming that male omegas and female alphas have both functioning reproductive systems? idk is that how it usually works?) (also not sure about female alpha/female beta or omega marriages? they wouldn't have much legal rights; but maybe it's a kind of right of three children type thing where the female alpha gets limited legal freedom once she marries another woman? or maybe female alphas always have that type of legal position by virtue of being alphas? probably the latter.)

relationships: it's socially disapproved of for said non-able-to-have-children couples to be in a relationship, but not necessarily illegal. it's also socially unacceptable for a man to have a relationship with a male omega who isn't his wife. (more to think about here but i am so tired)

hiding status?: i think it would be possible for people to hide their status (for instance, if an omega wanted to be in war) but it would be probably a lot more difficult for high social class people. because it's not necessarily immediately obvious on the outside whether someone's an alpha, a beta, or an omega, if you could get anyone who knew for sure either on board to lie for you or to at least keep quiet, you could probably use some kind of medication to disguise your smell or whatever (is that how it works? its like smell or pheromones based right?) and pretend to be a different status. (perhaps in an earlier period it was much stricter/society was more repressive about disclosing your status, but now that omegas have more rights it's less stringent)

#tumblr university thesis everyone.#romegaverse

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vamossainz55 · 2 years

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Moonlight Ch. 5 | Carlos Sainz Jr. x Reader

hi everybodyyy, a bit late (is it becoming a trend? maybe) but i hope you enjoy it. a lot happens in the chapter but it is a bit of a filler to get the story moving. i tried adding as much carlos x reader as much as possible but the season is starting soon so im excited to get into that!! i think i was able to focus more on writing this one so i think it's also better written but im not too sure tbh! i hope you enjoy and as always please feel free to leave constructive criticism! enjoy <3<3

warnings: nothing just a bit of angst at the end. maybe a bit of swearing.

moonlight masterlist and summary here

short summary: exes to friends to lovers

read chapter four here.

Chapter Five (5k words)

“I am so sorry babe,” You sigh out as you slip on your McLaren shirt to go to the office. It had been a week since you had gone out with Ana and Carlos and it had been really hectic to say the least. The livery announcement date had finally settled and promptly announced which only meant working overtime with the team to make sure everything would happen. Most nights you found yourself coming home very late and in the mornings you were leaving as early as you could. Tom had made it clear that you didn’t need to come earlier and stay later than required (especially since you were on an intern salary) but you really couldn’t help it. You tried your best to get involved in every single thing possible, because what if you never got the opportunity again?

Bastien though was a little less happy about your arrangement. Working longer hours only meant less time to call with him and there was a clear disconnect between you both. A part of you was worried but he was also going to visit you soon so you hoped the tension would disperse then. All worries are gone until you’re telling Bastien about the livery date announcement and there’s a clear frown on his face.

“So what am I going to do on Valentine’s day in London by myself?” Bastien asks with a hint of annoyance in his voice and you let out a small sigh, shifting to look at your phone where your boyfriend was facetiming you. Bastien had planned a surprise trip to visit you for Valentine’s, wanting to stay with you for a few days, but with your news on the announcement date Bastien was not amused.

“I was planning on asking if you can join? Tom really likes me, I’m sure he’ll say yes.” You say, sitting in front of where your phone had been perched. You look at yourself through the small view on your phone screen as you clip some parts of your hair to the back to clear up your face. “If not Carlos or Lando can try asking for me I think they could have more influence than me.” You offer up as you adjust your bracelet.

Bastien looks over the screen and sighs. “I don’t care about these things, you know that.” Bastien says and you frown a little bit at his comment.

“I know it really isn’t your thing… but it’s my thing.” You say with a small smile. “Please? I’m sure you’ll love it. You’ll get to see the car in person and its really cool.” It looks like Bastien wants to argue but a notification comes on your phone that quickly catches your attention.

“Carlos is here, I’m gonna go yeah?” You say softly, looking over the screen. You hear Bastien sigh a little bit before nodding.

“Yeah, yeah. I find it weird that he’s driving you to work almost every day now but whatever.” Bastien mumbles and it’s your turn to feel a bit annoyed since he hadn’t made it an issue the days before.

“It’s not like that. When I went out with Ana and him we realised I’m practically on the way to the office for him. It saves me money from using public transport.” You justify for the third time already, although you understood where he was coming from. “I can stop going with him if you want.” You say again because as much as it didn’t mean anything you understood how it could be uncomfortable for your boyfriend that your ex was driving you almost every morning and evening. There is a moment of silence before Bastien speaks up again.

“No, no. I rather you go with him, it’s safer too.” There’s a part of you that doesn’t really believe him but you decide that it’s better not to say anything. “Just text me when you get home and stuff yeah?” He asks and you give him a nod just as a phone call is coming in.

“I’m gonna go babe, I love you.” You promise, waiting for him to say it back before you’re picking up Carlos’ call, swinging your bag over your shoulder.

“Ay, ay, vamos. We’re gonna be late again.” Carlos says as soon as the line connects. You roll your eyes, walking to the elevator.

“Piss off, we were only late once. I’ll be down in less than five.” You promise, hanging up before he says anything else. By the time you get to the lobby Carlos is not even there, which only makes you scoff in feigned annoyance and disbelief.

As soon as Carlos pulls up you open the back door to drop your bag there before you’re slipping in the passenger seat.

“You were definitely not here yet.” You tell the Spanish driver as you pull the seat belt on. He seems unfazed as he grins at you, tapping his steering wheel with his fingers before looking over you. You can’t help but smile at the way he’s looking at you, getting you to playfully roll his eyes, the sudden annoyance you felt towards Bastien gone.

“Buenos dias,” Good morning, Carlos says with a grin, and he’s like this every morning, obnoxiously happy and filled with too much energy. Your eyelids are still heavy, but in your defence Carlos’ mornings started much earlier than yours as he was usually packed with workouts, training, and other things.

“Morning,” You say, letting out a sigh as you lean back on the chair. “Thanks for picking me up.” You say with a smile. Carlos nods, humming as he changes gears.

“No worries. I got you coffee.” He says nodding to the Starbucks cup in the cupholder. You look over it sceptically, always being overly picky about your coffee. Before you say anything though Carlos is chipping in, pulling out of the driveway as he speaks. “Don’t worry- it has almond milk with cinnamon and less sugar.” He says, not even glancing over at you as he focuses on turning into the main road. You’re a bit surprised that he remembers your order but you simply murmur a thanks and take a sip, hoping it would help your morning become a little bit more bearable.

“Are you excited for the unveiling?” You ask Carlos, setting your cup of coffee back on the cup holder. He’s focused on the road, humming softly as he thinks about the question.

“Yeah, yeah. I am really excited to be honest. It’s always cool to have something that you’ve worked on announced- and we’re so close to testing and for the season to start.” he says quickly glancing over to you before looking back at the road. “What about you? It’s your first time.” He chuckles, slowly stopping the car as you reach a red light. He turns his body slightly towards you, waiting for your answer and you give him a nod.

“I’m really excited actually.” You laugh softly. “I find it so cool that I’m finally on the other side of it. I remember waiting and having countdowns on my phone for all the unveilings.” You say smiling at him. “I am a bit bummed that we chose valentine’s day though.” You say a bit sheepishly. “My boyfriend’s coming over and I was supposed to take the day off.” Carlos shifts his attention to the road again as the light switches to green and there is a short silence as the car starts to move.

“You can always take the day off.” Carlos suggests with a smirk, knowing you wouldn’t and you shake your head, just proving his point.

“No way in hell I am missing seeing the whole thing in person. What if I never get to see it again?” You ask but Carlos just chuckles.

“Oh please, this definitely won’t be your last one.” He says it with conviction which makes you smile. “But, you can always invite him. Think you might be able to bring a guest no?” Carlos says and you give him a small shrug.

“I’m gonna ask but I don’t think he wants to go. He doesn’t care about these things.” You echo your boyfriend’s words from earlier and you can see Carlos stop himself from frowning too deeply and you fiddle with your bracelet.

“What do you mean? It’s important to you ” He states plainly, “He should care that you care about it no?”

You don’t really have an answer to that so you decide to just shrug, this time shifting your attention to the street, suddenly uncomfortable with the shift of the conversation. Carlos seems to pick up on this because he quickly changes the topic about how he had gone golfing with Lando the day before and how the younger boy was still horrible at it still. You appreciate the change and you easily go with it, leaving the thought of Bastien behind.

--------------------

Bastien arrives the night before the unveiling and you’re ecstatic to see him again as you hadn’t seen him in almost two months which is the longest you both had been apart. The moment you see him exit the arrival gate you’re rushing to him and giving him the biggest hug. You can’t stop smiling until you get to your apartment with him, and it’s all good until you wake up the next morning.

“Where are you going?” You’re already half dressed when Bastien wakes up, but you had already woken up late from staying up with Bastien.

“Sorry babe. I told you I had to go to work this morning.” You say softly, coming close to give him a quick kiss. You pull away to see Bastien frowning still. “I was going to wake you up right before I left to say goodbye. Carlos is already waiting for me downstairs.” You explain, giving him another kiss.

Bastien gives you a nod, looking over you. “We’re still going to the showcasing?” Bastien asks and you nod as you put on your shirt properly.

“I thought we agreed to go last night.” You say, eyes meeting his. It’s clear that he wants to argue, already sitting up.

“I just think it’s nicer if we do something else.” He says and you let out a small sigh.

“I told you I took the day off tomorrow.” You say softly, looking over him.

“Well, tomorrow isn’t Valentine’s day.” He says and it's killing you how inflexible he was being. Of course valentine’s day was a nice day to celebrate but for you what mattered is that you both were together.

“Bastien, I have to go. I don’t have time to argue” You say, pocketing your phone, feeling slightly annoyed that you were having the same argument for what felt like the hundredth time. You’re turning to take your things when Bastien butts in again.

“Never pegged you to be the one to put work before relationships.” He says which stops you at your tracks.

“You’re joking.” You murmur, starting to feel your patience draw thin. “I’ve joined so many of your work things even though it’s not really my thing, and you used to postpone our dates all the time.” You say, remembering all the business events you joined during your last year of university. It was nice, and you got free food, but you could care less about all the finance speakers you had to sit through.

“It’s different.” Bastien argues which makes you roll your eyes. Your phone is vibrating as a call comes in, a reminder that Carlos was waiting downstairs.

“It really isn’t.” You say, already done with the conversation.

“What time do you need me to show up later?” Bastien asks, more annoyed than anything else. There’s this tone in his voice that you suddenly find aggravating, and you’re unsure if you even want him there anymore.

“I’ll come home first and then we can go together, ” You’re already grabbing your bags, your phone is vibrating once more, Carlos calling you for the second time already. “I really need to go.” You don’t even sound apologetic this time. “Have fun and keep me updated with what you do. I really need to go. I love you.”

The day is busy and you don’t even realise Bastien hadn’t texted you until you text him to let him know you’re on the way home. You don’t think much of it as you’d talk to him when you got home. You’re tired from running around so the argument from the earlier morning is at the back of your mind. Only until you find yourself home by yourself, Bastien nowhere to be seen.

You text him thrice before you call him countless times after. Hours pass and you need to get ready to go to the venue and you’re starting to feel sick. You had no clue where Bastien was, and you were starting to get worried, not even getting ready as you waited on your couch with your legs pressed against your chest. It’s only half an hour before the event when you get a response from him and the words leave you stunned.

‘Bumped into a friend, i’ll see you later tonight. Enjoy the event. Xxx’

You’re out of it when you arrive at the unveiling. Thankfully you’re not late as the doors had opened before the unveiling. You ask your taxi to drop you off at the front of the gates, not minding much to have to walk a bit once you notice the slight traffic. Tom had managed to get you a guest seat but you’re dreading going in to sit by yourself, but something in the corner of your vision catches your eyes. There are several fans there, clearly there in hopes to catch quick glimpses of anybody coming or leaving. You can’t help but walk up to them.

“Hey, are you here for the announcement?” You’re almost by the entrance and the girl is by herself, clearly nervous. She’s dressed up with a McLaren shirt and she’s holding a hat too. There are others around but most seem to be in groups.

“Yeah, are you too?” She asks before she’s looking over you. You were dressed up quite nicely, wanting to show the part of being a guest. For a second you doubt if it's okay or not but you’re wanting to do a nice gesture.

“Actually I am, what’s your name?” You ask softly. The introductions are quick and you learn that she’s been following McLaren for years and that she had been supporting Carlos since his Renault years too. You’re endeared, seeing a bit of you in her and you even feel a bit excited as you speak. “I wanted to ask if you wanted to join inside?” You offer. The girl’s eyes go wide and she looks at you in disbelief.

“My boyfriend couldn’t make it, so I have an extra ticket.” You smile and she’s quickly nodding, speechless.

“Thank you so much.” She says as you both start walking. When you get to the entrance you’re flashing your tickets and there is a slight hesitation from the security guard until you show him your company badge too and before you know it you’re in.

Tom was a gem but he wasn’t a miracle worker so you both had to sit somewhere in the back, but the excitement was buzzing from you both. A big part of you was disappointed that Bastien wasn’t there but seeing somebody else as excited as you warmed a small part in your chest.

The unveiling goes smoothly, and you can’t help but smile when Carlos and Lando come into the light, soon sharing some words as well. The car looks beautiful and the thought of seeing it on track soon and racing had you buzzing. Everybody seemed just as excited, most people leaning on the edge of their seats. All your work felt more real now and the season was starting soon, and you felt impatient for the season to kick off.

You chat softly with Jess the whole time, soon explaining a bit what you did and explaining to her that you were part of the team. Once everybody starts to disperse and get out of their seats you offer her to walk up to Lando and Carlos, giving her a warning that it might take a bit of time to be able to get to them since they were probably going to be busy with all the sponsors and guests. It’s when you’re both getting up for your seats when you notice that Carlos and Lando are actually walking up to you both. They both look a bit confused when they spot Jess next to you but they smile at her anyways, greeting and introducing themselves.

“Oh my god. Hi- it’s really cool to finally meet you both. I’ve always been the biggest McLaren fan.” She says with a wide smile before explaining that you had invited her in. The boys simply grin and nod, you give them both a nudge with a marker and soon they’re signing her things.

“It was nice meeting you and thanks for following us! I hope we can make this an exciting season.” Carlos grins at her before turning to you. “We gotta run to Zak before he tells us off for sneaking off but we’ll meet a bit later yeah?” Carlos asks, already nudging Lando to follow along as they both begin to walk off. You give them a quick smile and nod before you turn to Jess who’s again thanking you profusely.

You hang around with Jess up until the end of the event, introducing her to some other colleagues that you bumped along the way. You might have said a white lie or two that Jess was your friend and a big fan, just in case you’d get in trouble for technically bringing a stranger, but thankfully nobody questions it too much.

You end up exchanging your contact information with her before you’re heading off to the back, deciding to help with some things since you had the time anyways. Tom catches you just as you’re slipping into the back of the auditorium.

“What are you doing here hm? You’re not supposed to work.” he scolds playfully and you can’t help but give a sheepish laugh.

“I wanted to help out and Lando and Carlos told me to meet up with them after.” You explain before telling Tom a lie about how your boyfriend wasn’t feeling well to come. “But I brought a friend, I hope that’s okay.” You say with a smile and Tom rolls his eyes, saying of course. You hear a door from down the hall open and you look over when you hear somebody speak up.

“Ah, there you are.” Lando says, still in his racing suit as he walks towards you with a grin. Tom is soon excusing himself, saying that he had to work on something. “Where’s your boyfriend?” Lando asks once Tom’s out. You shrug with a small smile just as Carlos peaks into the hallway, he’s also still in his racing suit. As soon as he comes up to you both he’s echoing the same question as Lando.

“He wasn’t in the mood to join.” You shrug, “Don’t know where he is.” You say, trying your best to hide the annoyance wash over you at the reminder that he had ditched you. Carlos is looking at you like he wants to say something but he stays silent, and your eyes linger a bit on him but Lando is soon speaking up.

“Carlos and I were planning to grab food. Do you wanna join?” Lando offers.

The Spanish driver is quick to butt in. “You don’t have plans after with your boyfriend?” He asks sceptically and you shake your head. Carlos raises his brow slightly before nodding, “Okay, you’re joining then. And I’m not taking no for an answer.”

You wait for both guys to change into their clothes before you’re heading to the parking space with them. They’re rattling on about having to talk to too many sponsors and guests and you can’t help but smile, shaking your head in amusement.

“So who am I hitching a ride from?” You ask when you realise they both had driven to the office. Lando is quick to take the responsibility, wanting to prove that he was a better driver than Carlos.

“Not true, but I’ll drop you off later, yeah?” Carlos says as he’s going to his car. You give him a nod before you’re heading to Lando, already teasing him to not crash the car and to make sure you both made it to dinner.

Funnily enough dinner ends up in the park. The guys had not thought about the date so they hadn’t reserved any table and of course Valentine’s day only meant one thing, most places were packed to the brim. You had suggested McDonalds and the two had grinned, looking at each other and agreeing that it was a good evening to have a cheat day.

“Can’t believe every single restaurant we called and drove to was full.” Lando says as he sits on the table’s bench, swinging his leg over it to settle down next to you. Carlos is sitting across you both, already digging through his McDonald’s bag.

“I mean, it is valentine’s day. It’s one of the busiest days.” You chuckle, “You two should’ve thought it through.” you jokingly tease, already grabbing one of your fries.

“I’m sorry- last time I celebrated valentine’s day I think I just spent it at home with my ex.” Lando says defensively, his hands are up and you can’t help but roll your eyes at him. “Do you always reserve for valentine’s?” he asks you and you give him a smirk.

“Never had to do the reservation. One of the only privileges of being a girl.” You joke, sticking your tongue out. Lando scoffs but murmurs a makes sense before he’s turning to Carlos.

“When’s the last time you celebrated Valentine’s?” He asks Carlos in between bites of his food. Carlos looks at him before instinctively looking at you.

“Really? That’s the last time?” You ask quite surprised, not managing to bite back your tongue, Carlos scowls at your reaction. You bite the inside of your cheek but that doesn’t stop you from letting out a laugh, “Sorry, I’m just surprised, really.” You laugh softly.

“What’s so surprising about that?” Carlos groans and Lando is stifling a laugh too. You shake your head but Carlos nudges you under the table with his foot. “Come on now. Tell me!” He insists and you’re laughing again.

“I don’t know. You’re an F1 driver now, you’re good looking, funny, why wouldn’t you be going out on Valentine’s day?” You question, smiling at him. You hold eye contact for a second before Carlos is looking down at his food. The lights in the park are quite dimmed and a part of you wonders whether Carlos was blushing or not, but you don’t play around with that thought too much.

“You weren’t surprised when I said I haven’t been on a Valentine’s date in a while.” Lando says, clearly too offended to notice Carlos’ change in demeanour. You laugh at his comment and you’re shaking your head.

“I didn’t mean it that way and you know it.” You state with a smile before focusing back on your food.

“So,” Lando starts off after a beat of silence. “What did you guys do for valentine’s? Apart from Carlos making the reservations?” he asks, still not letting the topic go. You think Carlos is about to tell him to shut up but Carlos looks at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“Which one was the last one?” He asks, thinking as he scratches his chin. “Was it when we went on that boat dinner?” Carlos asks curiously and you need to think for a second before you’re nodding.

“Yeah- it was after your announcement in Toro Rosso.” You say, resting your chin on your hand. It was nice, you both had taken a trip to the caribbean and spent a few days there.

“I booked that dinner like two months in advance just to be sure.” Carlos chuckles before looking at Lando. “It was nice, but expensive.” He says before thinking a bit more. “It was worth it though, we stayed the night in the boat no?.” Carlos says and you give him a nod as confirmation.

The rest of the dinner is nice, but there is a small nagging voice inside your head, wondering where Bastien was. You check your phone a bit too many times in hopes to get a text but it’s radio silent, you find yourself talking a lot, wanting to distract yourself and to push Bastien to the back of your mind and it kind of works. Time passes and before you know it you’re getting into Carlos’ car, putting on your seatbelt as you shift a bit. You had thanked Lando for asking you to join and told him to drive safely before he had headed off to his own car.

“God I am so full. I always eat too much.” You say, resting your hands on your belly, you’re trying to fill the silence, it was late and you didn’t want to let your mind wander. Carlos on the other hand is quiet and you look over him, curious about his silence. “Thanks for driving me home” You say just as he is starting the car. The lack of answer makes you nervous and you shift a bit in your seat.

“Are you okay?” Carlos finally replies and the question catches you a bit off guard. You look back at him, tilting your head slightly.

“What do you mean?” You ask.

“I mean, you told me Bastien had agreed to join and he didn’t” He says, not making a move to pull out the car. You feel a bit nervous now, having thought that the conversation had been left behind in the office.

“He wasn’t in the mood so he texted me that he changed his mind.” You say, hoping it was truthful enough. You’re waiting for Carlos to pull out of the parking spot but he doesn’t. Instead he takes the opportunity to turn to you a bit more, wanting to face you properly.

“He texted you?” Carlos asks, a bit confused. You shift a bit in your seat, looking at him properly as well.

“He wasn’t home when I got there to get ready so,” Your voice is a bit softer this time and Carlos looks more than unimpressed.

“Okay.” he says before turning to look ahead of him again, this time changing gears to pull out from parking. “I’m here if you wanna talk about it, or if you’re not comfortable, talk to Lando, or any of your friends.” Carlos murmurs, glancing over to you again. “Don’t keep things to yourself too much. I know you tend to do that.” Carlos says with a small smile before he’s driving you home.

It’s not that you don’t want to answer but you don’t really have the words. The silence in the car is ringing in your ears and you can’t help but finally let the bitterness and hurt settle in your chest. You blame it on being tired, or on Carlos’ words but you feel your eyes get glossy as he reaches the road. You look up, wanting to stop your eyes from overflowing. It’s embarrassing really (and a bit pathetic, you think), crying over your boyfriend in front of your ex.

You’re frustrated more than anything, not knowing why Bastien had decided to ditch at the last minute. It was understandable that he wasn’t into motorsports or racing but you couldn’t comprehend why he couldn’t make a small effort to go for you. You had supported him in everything and it was starting to hurt that you didn’t feel like the effort was returned. Were you doing something wrong?

Carlos doesn’t say anything for a while, simply putting on the radio as you quietly wipe your cheeks.“I’m sorry,” You murmur after a bit, trying your best to recollect yourself.

“You’re okay. Did you forget how much you used to cry in front of me?” Carlos teasigly says and you roll your eyes, wiping your cheeks.

To be fair he was right. Even before you two had dated he had been your closest friend. The amount of times he had seen you cry about boys, your family, school (or anything really) were endless. You hated crying by yourself and the moment Carlos had discovered this he had always tried to be there.

He would always take you on drives, following the road as long as he could to let you cry it out. Most times he was quiet, whilst other times he was cursing off whoever had upset you with you.

You don’t remember the last time you’ve cried like this. You had been so busy after moving and as always your family barely had time to catch up with you. Bastien was always busy and your calls were usually catch ups about the day, but it was hard to talk to him about your feelings as he was quick to say that it was going to be okay and to dwell on things too much. All your friends were also busy with their own internships or work so hadn’t had any time to properly speak or think about how you were feeling.

There’s a weird new feeling mixing in your chest and it takes you a moment to realise what it is.

You’re watching Carlos drive as you let out sniffles and continue wiping your cheeks. You missed your best friend.

The thought of it only makes you tear up more so recollecting yourself doesn’t really happen and you’re dreading having to go home to a probably empty apartment like this. “How far are we?” You ask quietly and Carlos simply shrugs.

“As far as you need us to be.” he says and you look at him quietly before nodding and looking back at the road.

You don’t really say anything back but you know you don’t need to.

fin.

read chapter six here

a/n: helloooo hope you enjoyed. what do you guys think? did bastien have the right to be upset? did that mean it was okay for him to ditch? are we happy to see carlos and reader connecting again?? also please feel free to leave constructive criticism and your thoughts, it really helps <3 i'll try my best to update by next week.

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want to be added to my taglist? let me know! (i also am willing to tag for specific drivers so please feel free to ask)

if you are interested in reading more check out my masterlist!

#moonlight #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz fanfic #carlos sainz junior #cs55 #f1 x reader #f1 x you #anywayss #fluff #enemies to friends to lovers #it is 1am idek why im posting this so late #this is my second time preparing the post since my tumblr literally crashed lmao

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isthefnafmovieout · 6 months

Text

isthefnafmovieout reviews the fnaf movie (SPOILERS)

Pre-movie thoughts (written 10/25):

I get to see it a day early! YAY!

I might have hyped this movie up in my brain a little too much, because I'm SUPER anxious.

The polarizing reviews i was seeing throughout the day were definitely a little nerve wracking! Lots of good and bad reviews, lots of weird contridicting statements. I saw lots of people complaining about the lore being "wrong" or whatever but... Eh. It has already been established that this movie won't have the same lore as the games, so I won't mind any lore changes. They're like the Silver Eyes books, in their own seperate canon but with similarities to the games.

Overall Im keeping my hopes reasonably high. Horror films and video game adaptations tend to get a bad wrap from even the fairest critics. I'm a die-heard fnaf fan, have been for all 9 years of its existence. If Dawko loves it then I will love it I think 🫡

Okay, now with that out of the way...

Spoiler free review, posted on my letterboxd:

Post-movie thoughts (written 10/26):

The way they incorporated Mike's dream sequences into the narrative was really interesting, how he tries to use his dreams to find out who took his brother. He and Abby were really sweet :) I like how their relationship drives the plot along, with how they befriend Abby but only as a front because they want her to "be like them," and how Mike is caught up in the past and realizes that he needs to focus on protecting Abby, not bringing his brother back. Its surprisingly emotional, i really resonated with their story. Josh Hutcherson and Piper Rubio both did well!

It's basically everything I expected, and I liked it! I think it's story was good, with its focus on childhood innocence.

Vanessa is great too! Different from her game counterpart, but thats okay! And the twist that she's actually William aftons daughter? Holy shit I gasped like I was watching a soap. Thats so interesting!! I loved how she just FELT suspicious. I know it's very different from the game lore, but I expected the movie to be, and I liked what they did! I got chills when Vanessa showed the picture of her and William to Mike and you could see her holding the plane that Mike's brother used to have.... my dad thought that was the creepiest part. Speaking of william btw...

Matthew Lillard, man. wow. What a great William Afton. They do some subtle implications that hes William in the beginning and if i didnt know it was him already i would've been surprised. He hams it up like he did with Stu Macher and it's great! I wish he was in it a little more, and they expanded a little more on Williams character through Vanessa, but yeah, he was good! I hope to see more of him in any sequels!

I wish the animatronics showed up a little more, thats probably my biggest critique or whatever. But they are so well made and cute. I liked how they befriended Abby, and that they rlly honed in on the animatronics being possessed by kids and that their violence is from William Aftons influence. I wish they went more into depth about how William influenced them though, and why it's all the pictures drawn of what happened that control their vision of what happened. What we did get from them though was so cool! Jim Henson did so well with these guys, they're so cute yet can be so scary.

The kills were pretty tame on the surface, as I expected, but some of the implications were quite disturbing to a point where it didn't rlly take away from it for me. Especially Max's, it gave me a "Ada in the laser room in the re4 seperate ways remake" vibes. Same with the security guards death to the faz-trap in the beginning.

There were some pacing issues, theyve definitely cut some things i wouldve liked to see, there was some goofiness (that fort making scene made me laugh so hard im sorry, it was cute though), and some story elements that needed a touch more expanding upon, but this movie was still really fun! For non-fans, honestly i dont know how they'reresponding as a whole besides those really weird reviews im seeing on rotten tomatoes and such, but I saw it with my dad, who knew very little going into it, and he liked it, especially the story with the missing kids! For fans... well, If you like fnaf, are are willing to forgive some lore changes for the sake of telling a coherent story, then you'll love it!

Also why was Matpat there lol. isthefnafmovieout, out. See you on the flipside.

#fnaf movie #fnaf movie spoilers #fnaf movie review #off topic

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sillyengineerperson · 10 days

Text

My very official notes on Found Heaven by Conan Gray (but with added context because it was initially written for my friend who understands most of the references i make)

My thoughts while listenting to found heaven at 12am bc what even is sleep?

(also i have to get up a 4 to go to France🙃)

Right here we go song uno

Found heaven:

whoa snazz

Choir

Ahhhh

Michael Jackson much?

😍😍😍😍🥰

I LOVE THIS

OHMIGOD AHHHHHHH

THIS IS SO SNAZZY

ITS STRANGELY BIBLICAL

What???

I don't think its going to be my favourite but still slayyhth- edit: its so much better than I initially thought

Song dos

Never ending song:

we already know I love this (Context: yes i was dancing around in my kitchen to this when i was suposed to be revising for GCSEs)

Yaaaasdd vibes

I feel like it's GCSES AGAIN🥲(Context: this song came out in the first week of GCSEs so i listened to it a lot when i was revising and also the bus back home after an exam)

NOSTALGIA BUT WEIRD AND WITH TUNA MELTS (thats what I had for lunch most days during exams) (Context: I have very oddly specific feelings and vibes acociated with that period of my life)

Ooooooooonnnnnnn

Slay cone

Song tres

Fainted love:

Je suis scared

Its either going to be a yas queen slay or break me

ohhhbh

Me encanta

LOVE IT

SLaaaayyyyyyyy

Play it on toouurrr I beg

This is sooooooo good

Yes king I love you

After listening to this about a billion times more this song is absolutely EVERYTHING AHHHHHHHHHH

Song cuatro

Lonely dancers:

we know this is not my cup of tea (Context: im so sorry to everyone but I just don't like it that much. its still vibes though :) )

But the vibes are still there

So mini silent dance party in my room

🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🪩🪩🪩🕺🕺🕺🪩🪩🪩

Song cinco

Alley rose:

THIS SONG IS EVERYTHING

TIME TO CRY

AHHHHH❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹💔💔💔

DONT LEAV ME HANGING ALONE AGAAINNNN

du du du du du on the piano

DOTN EEEEVEN CAREEEEE

😭😭😭

yes

beautiful

i love

Song seis

The final fight:

intrigued

I don't know

Hmmmmmm I'm worried

Oh silence

Is it supposed to be completely silent???

No its not something went wrong with my spotify 😂

I really sat there for a whole minute and a half waiting for something to happen

Right anyway

Oooooo drums

GUITAR

BASS

YES CONE

PREACH

NO DONT CRY

ME TOO

it's giving early 2000's movie montage scene where the main character has a huge revalation

He had his moment🙌

AHHH IT REMINDS ME OF THAT SONG FROM ZOMBIES 2 OR HSM 2 WHEN GABRIELLA LEAVES (Context: so in zombies the main characters have a song where its sort of a breakup song but also a thing where they're expressing how they don't feel like they fit in -which is a whole thing that I could rant about bc she literally thinks shes special for having white hair and obviously she's so oppressed because of that and then obviously the zombies have it so much easier even though there are literally laws that are in place to controll them even though they're completely safe and very human like now. I should not get this worked up over a disney channel movie- the song is called Gotta find where I belong. and then in HSM 2 I'm just refering to when Gabriella quits the country club and breaks up with troy)

Song siete

Miss you:

this better be absolutly heart wrenching

ooooooooo

Wut

Slay

He's a king

YES YES YES

his vocals are amazing

That was a straight vibe (edit from later: not straight like heterosexual. I mean it's jsut very vibey)

I'm still waiting for the saddest song of all time but he's killing it so far

Song ocho

Bourgeoisieses:

there's a whole process to typing that

um HELLO

OH MY GOODNESS

Music video when?

Kinda basic song structure (I have no idea what I meant by this) but it's soooooo good

play this on tour it's yes

Song nueve

Forever with me:

please be sad

don't ask why i want it to be sad

i don't know

YES

PIANO

I HAVE HIGH HOPES

YES YES YES

OHHHHHHHH

CONAN

NOT THE MAGIC SOUND

DONT BE SORRY

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

OOOH HIGH NOTES

KEY CHANGE

AHHHHHHH

Kinda evil cone?

And whats with the wind sound?

Song diez

Eye of the night:

if it's not witchy eye of the tigeri'm sueing

that's all ive been expecting since i saw the name

whoa!!!

Bro am i wrong with my prediction though??!!😂

This is a vibe

It really is witchy eye of the tiger

🪩🪩🪩

🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺

GIUTARRRRRRR

AHHHH THE KEY CHANGE

HES ON ANOTHER LEVEL

literally 😏

Song once

Boys & girls:

bi anthem!??

maybe

yes

hello

Vibes

Yeah cone you're wrong they dont

Very vibes

Yeah no same

Okayyyyy

The vibes are there

substance maybe less (I really don't know what I thought I was hearing but my opionion has changed)

Loved it though

Song doce

Killing me:

I LOVERRR THIS SONGGGGG

ITS 2 AM

NO WE HAVENT

YES YOU DO

OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YOURE KULLIBG ME

FREEREEE MEEEEEEE

YOURR UCH A GOI ACTOR

GO AWAY

OHHHHHHHHBHB

KILLING

LUCKY YOU ARRRRRAAREEEE

BU BU BU BU BU BU BU BU

BU BU BU BU BU BU

YOUR KILLING ME

OH I WANNA DIE

BUT YOU KEEP ME ALIVE

HUH

song trece

Winner:

final slay

This song is everything (I'm only just realising how many times i've said that)

AT MAKING ME FEEL WORSE

WINNNNEEEERRRRR

PEW PEW

WINEEEEEEEEERRRERERERRRR

SLAY PIANO

YOUR THE ONE WHOLE KET IT GET THIS BAAAAAD

YOUR CHAOS

WHHHHKKKKKOOOAAAJJAJHA

NIW YOU REALLY ARE THE WIIUUINNERRRRR

Laaaaaa laaa la la lalala laaaaa la

ahhhhhhh je suis deceased

Conan slay has slayed once again to slayingly produce another very very slay album

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

I think right now my favourite of the new songs is fainted love

but yes

i need sleep bc i'm getting up in 3 hours

it's 1:17

ahhhhhhhh

okay

i need sleep

bye bye

🕺🕺

so that was it

my opinions have probably changed slightly but ahhhhhh this album is so good and i definitly have some more things to say about the songs that I've noticed but thats enough for now because I have a maths test to revise for

#found heaven #conan gray #coneeee #conehead #fainted love #alley rose #superache #never ending song #lonely dancers #cg3 #ohmugod #this album is so good #elly reviews music unhinged #elly reviews music

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employee052 · 11 months

Text

semi vent fic

intentionally written incredibly vauge but if you know this blog, then you can probably guess what its about kashjdlkasd

also, they are not talking about something in particular. this was written both to collect my thoughts and calm down so im sorry if something sounds wrong or theres a spelling error.

---

a man in a green jacket sits down on a grassy hillside near a thicket of trees. a mop of teal green and white hair swaying against the wind as a comforting gust washes over the landscape. the forest of pine and oak rustling in tranquillity as the cloudy blue sky ahead provides shelter from the sweltering sun.

the man in green closes his eyes. taking a deep breath before sighing out all the remaining stresses and anxieties from his system even for just a moment.

behind him, another figure passes by, their brown sweater feeling almost fitting for the surroundings as their white hoodie string flows along with the wind..

the figure sits down beside the man in green and stares out into the nature ahead of them.

the two sit in contemplative silence for a moment. letting the silence ease their nerves as they simply basked in the comforting presence of polite company.

the man in brown breaks the silence. "do you ever wish to join them?" he asks, words vague like a secret struggling to be kept hidden.

yet the man in green understands his question. "yeah, sorta." he responds honestly, fiddling with whatever is beside him on the ground.

"i hate feeling like i'm missing out on something," he continues, "maybe its the anxiety speaking? i have no clue."

another contemplative pause.

"a part of me wants to join them, but…" brown trails off, looking off into the forest as if he was looking for something.

"but?"

"... it feels weird, trying to join them. maybe i just enjoy the more private parts of it all."

green nods understandingly, a small empathetic smile on his face. "felt."

"it feels like everything is going so fast in there." brown continues, " things are always starting, prompts being made, stories being written, art being drawn. its hard to keep up."

"yep, that and it feels like whatever i make isn't good enough compared to the likes of giants and creative geniuses there. i know im a good artist, but compared to everyone there? i feel like an ant."

the two go silent as the sound of leaves rustling in the wind grows louder, the wind picking up as though it were a scene in a film. both men let the words exchanged settle into their minds comfortingly, understanding the other for a moment or two.

"what do you suppose we do then?" asks brown, looking to green for guidance.

green pauses, looking back at brown through his yellow glasses.

"as much as i want to continue trying to join that stream of creation and excitement, i think ill keep things slow, personal, calm even. i hate feeling rushed, and when i want to do stuff with you in it, i want it to mean something. and not just because i don't want to be left out."

brown looks at green understandingly. a comforting smile on his face as he nods.

"ill still do things where, if it comes up ill do it. but i think im good being left out of everything for now. i enjoy doing things at my own pace."

he looks into browns eyes, "and what about you? what's your take on it? im not making a decision without your side."

brown's eyes widen, eyebrows raised as he tries to gather his thoughts together before replying.

"well," he starts looking back into the forest like it was his audience, "i agree with what you said honestly. so there's not much i can comment on."

"as much as i enjoy being the centre of attention, i enjoy it when we get to make something together at our own pace. the pressure of trying to do better with every piece as opposed to just creating for the fun of it all feels suffocating most days."

brown looks at green suddenly, eyes swimming with nostalgia. "truth be told, i miss the early days. where you would draw me on a notebook, and it would be just us together creating. with you at the pencil and me as the muse."

"nothing to fear, nothing to think, just us, enjoying each other's company." he says, almost grandiose. like it was a long forgotten time before all the mental turmoil and struggle hit them both like a truck.

green says nothing. opting to think back to those days with a smile. the calm and slow origins of what would later accumulate to the two on the hill, looking out into the forest.

"remember character ai? when you were talking to me there?" brown starts again, a playful grin on his face. "those were some good stories. while the bot never truly got my character down, your guidance really pushed our story into something cohesive and enjoyable. it might have been the first time i wrote with anyone else before…"

green grins, "i'm glad to hear it! and i had fun as well. really."

"maybe it was because it felt like you actually were there with me telling a story, even if the bot butchered your character a lot." green shrugged.

"psh," brown started, "a bot could never get my character down! I have too many facets to myself that putting it into a simple chatbot is like an isolation of my features! reduced to nothing but a few key traits that could never begin to even represent me as an individual!"

"i know i know…" green sighed, "honestly, it's why i haven't gone back to that bot in ages. it's like your character finally solidified in my head, and now i'm the only one who can write you right. or at least you as my narrator anyways."

"your narrator. talk about sap, nerd."

"oh can it, dork. you know what i mean."

the two quietly chuckle under their breath. sharing a quick friendly smile before they settle back into sitting calmly on the hill.

"so… we continue like this then? just us, the parable, and a few friends here and there with the occasional prompt or two?" brown asks.

"i suppose. maybe one day i'll be strong and determined enough to go back into that stream of creation again. but im content just sitting at the shore banks dipping my toes into the water and letting the breeze cool my face." green answers, the wind picking up like a crescendo of emotion. the two looking out into the forest with a soft smile and an easy heart. ready to take their time and savour all they can in the moment.

"i understand." brown replies. taking green's hand comfortingly and squeezing it, silently comforting and reassuring him.

…

"also, great use of metaphors by the way." he adds slightly jokingly

green rolls his eyes. "jeez thanks. and i assume that my english test on shakespeare is tomorrow too, sir?" he teases, his voice light with genuinity as he scooches closer to his friend and rests his head on brown's shoulder.

brown scoffs, "and to think i enjoyed writing with you." he jokes back, knowing full well that they both carry no real bite at these taunts. resting his head against green's shoulder as the two stare off into the forest peacefully.

#ficswin #havent used that tag in a while hoowee #anyways #vent fic

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claudiajcregg · 2 months

Note

S5 Pregnancy AU - I’d love to hear about!

Welp, this is embarrassing – mostly because this has been sitting in my inbox for almost two weeks, and I kept saying “I need to write something up!” and then… I didn't. (Or rather, I did, then I forgot to post it.) Sorry for the wait, Lil! Thank you for asking <3 (I'll divide this up because I keep writing about the process and how it came to be, instead of any actual, interesting facts.)

I have talked about this one in the past though I don't have a tag for it. The gist is what it says… (Early) S5 but CJ is pregnant. I had this idea over a year ago when I hit mid/late S4 in my rewatch. I thought it'd be interesting to explore some of her disappointment at that time if you added an unexpected pregnancy to it, even if I had the idea before even getting there, lol. Think, the ending-ish of Han, or parts of Disaster Relief. (Both of which do feature! I surprisingly focus a lot on Disaster Relief.)

The thing with S5 is that the timeline is so weird, and I feel I've also created one that isn't entirely realistic but I think it works within the story. (IIRC, the season starts in “May” but also July, then the Shutdown is in November, lmao. A few of the episodes are sneaky two-parters that flow into each other… See 5-6, 7-8.) I've finally gotten out of the no-man's-land I wrote myself into and the next chapter or two, knowing myself, will deal with 7-8! There are a couple of scenes that should be fun to write! (There are so many details I want to mention that are technically spoilers for early twists…)

Every time I had the urge to write it, I'd edit whatever outline I was working in, and though I kept some details… my muse decided to make a big change early on that completely changed the fic's direction. That, and my inability to write anything succinctly. No reason why this story will cross the 100k barrier in a couple of chapters, tops. (It's sitting at 85k across 12 chapters. I think it'll be less than 20 chapters total. Hopefully.)

This might be too long to share snippets, but I've shared some either on the server or here, a couple of months ago.

For more irrelevant details on the “process”…

As I hinted at, I wrote an outline or two around this time last year, because I couldn't stop thinking about it. When I say outlines, it's a general path for the story to follow – ideas, suggestions of dialogue and/or scenes I write to myself; all focused around some sort of chapter structure. I find it much easier to write if I write down where a chapter might go, even if it's just a few lines saying “This happens → then this → finally this;” otherwise, it takes me months. Some would say that I should post it and get encouragement that way but… I hate being dependent on something I can control even less than my muse? That's not for me, thank you. Mad respect for those who work like that.

It was meant to be short – 1-2 “long” chapters per trimester, more if needed, but then interludes in between trimesters. It's not that. Most chapters currently cover 1-2 weeks, but there is not really a pattern. I was afraid of having a fic that would take over my life like the WOWO did three years ago… And it has, but I've also taken breaks and not felt too guilty about them. I definitely don't want this one to sit in my drive and have me wondering what to do with it.

(The novel, aka WOWO, aka IM AU (2021): 150k written in a little over five months, even with extended breaks over the summer. Still hits, even with all its crazy decisions, maybe because of them, but it's also been too long, and it will always remind me of someone who kinda hurt me. Attempts to replace those memories by sharing the story with others, trying to gather whether it's worth posting, have failed, lmao. One day! Maybe!)

But yeah. Uuuuuhhhh. As I've said… Twelve chapters in ten months, 85k words… It's still not done. In fact, I've repeatedly said I am unsure of how to end it (beyond the obvious), but I'd estimate it to be under 20 chapters. I'm not posting it anywhere yet because I want to be able to edit it as a whole and try to make it more consistent; to add little details as I come up with them. There's also the fact that I am not skilled enough to write a compelling story that mixes politics and emotion into something remotely engaging. As a result, the story's politics are very surface-level, and probably repetitive at points, but it's also true I've always been more interested and focused on the emotional journey and the relationship(s) at its center. (Which should surprise exactly no one who's ever read one of my stories.)

But, as critical as I might sound of myself here, I am having fun writing this and I'm committed to seeing it through. I just keep having ideas for stories down the line, putting actual show events through a 'but she also has a kid' perspective.

#mihrsuri #asks #wip ask game #wip title ask game #even despite all the rewriting and editing this is still rambly af #doesn't make sense #I wish I could say what happens at the end of chapter 3 lmao #hadn't even realized that link was to yours! funny how you asked about this one then too #the same way thalia asked about bars :D #thank you for asking and sorry for the delay!

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the-knights-who-say-book · 2 years

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Sorry if I'm completely misremembering this but - did you do a course/take a module/etc on Queer theology? It may have been exclusively about Judaism? It's a topic of interest for me and Im not sure where to start so Im looking for book/article recs. Apologies if I am in fact remembering incorrectly!

Hi! Sorry this took so long to answer, I was kind of burnt out after graduating. I took a class on LGBT topics in Judaism and Christianity, and several other classes in which gender & sexuality studies and Judaic studies intersected, so I know of a bunch of books and articles on the subject, mostly specific to Judaism.

Vaguely separated into lists of academic/not academic but it's a wishywashy categorization. I hope you find something you want to check out!

Less ~academic~ books:

Torah Queeries: Weekly Commentaries on the Hebrew Bible. This is a great anthology of short essays, often somewhat personal, on queer interpretations of the Bible. I've been meaning to read it all the way through, so far I've only read specific parts relevant to things I studied

Like Bread on the Seder Plate: Jewish Lesbians and the Transformation of Tradition by Rebecca T. Alpert. This book explores the challenges of being a lesbian and a believer in a religion which has anti-lesbian texts and puts forward a model of how to exist as both by facing troubling texts head on

Through the Door of Life: A Jewish Journey between Genders. An autobiography by Joy Ladin, a poet, academic, and Jewish trans woman, who writes about transitioning in relation to the commandment to choose life. Review

Keep Your Wives Away from Them: Orthodox Women, Unorthodox Desires. An anthology of short stories, personal essays, and academic essays. I think the essay "Women Known for these Acts" is the best introduction to lesbianism in Jewish law that I read while studying the topic; you can probably find it solo elsewhere

Balancing on the Mechitza: Transgender in Jewish Community. An anthology of essays ranging from personal to more academic. Review here.

More ~academic~ stuff:

A Rainbow Thread: An Anthology of Queer Jewish Texts from the First Century to 1969 by Noah Sienna. Collects historical writings on Jewish queerness. I have only read parts assigned for class, but it's a major (and new-ish) resource

The Soul of the Stranger: Reading God and Torah from a Transgender Perspective by Joy Ladin. An exploration of using the transgender experience as a lens through which to gain a better, or different, understanding of G-d. Interesting Biblical interpretations similar to Torah Queeries, more fleshed out. Review

Love Between Women: Early Christian Responses to Female Homoeroticism by Bernadette Brooten. Discusses lesbianism in Judaism and early Christianity, arguing that homophobia in Christianity and Judaism has its roots in misogyny

Saul M. Olyan's paper "And with a Male You Shall Not Lie the Lying down of a Woman: On the Meaning and Significance of Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13." Includes a breakdown of just how weird the language of the famous prohibition is and summary of previous scholars' interpretations of the passage. The author argues that the prohibition is very limited

Jan Joosten's "A New Interpretation of Leviticus 18:22 (Par. 20:13) and its Ethical Implications," which argues that the prohibition against m/m sex is actually specific to adultery

A lot of Jewish trans works discuss the Rabbinic gender categories of the androgynos and tumtum, as well as the saris and aylonit. Charlotte Fonrobert's paper "Regulating the Human Body: Rabbinic Legal Discourse and the Making of Jewish Gender" is an extremely influential essay on gender categories on Judaism (it's included in 2 of the anthologies above, and was assigned in my classes several times). You'll find a lot of other articles on the subject to explore if you scroll down to the bibliography of this Jewish Women's Archive post "Gender Identity In Halakhic Discourse" (which is written by, surprise!, Fonrobert)

More important Jewish/gender & sexuality studies scholars, who have published many books and essays: Michael Satlow ("They Abused Him Like a Woman": Homoeroticism, Gender Blurring, and the Rabbis in Late Antiquity"), Steven Greeberg (Wrestling with God and Men: Homosexuality in the Jewish Tradition),

General resources:

Check out transtorah.com, their "Resources" tab provides access to poems, sermons, and essays by many people who contributed to the anthologies I've listed, so it's fantastic supplementary material or point of access if you can't get your hands on some of these books

Jewish Women's Archive, mentioned above, is a great resource. Their "LGBTQIA Rights" tag has a lot of interesting posts ranging from essays by activists, personal reflections by queer Jews, biographies of past and present queer Jews, film reviews, etc. Their encyclopedia entry for "Lesbianism" is also a great starting point for the topic

I'm looking through old syllabi and finding way more but tbh I've reached my limit for today. Just know that there's way more! Remember to look at the works cited of things you read to find more things to read!

#book recs for book wrecks #the ask and the answer #anonymous

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banana-milk-enthusiast · 7 months

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beat Forspoken, and while I probably will write an in-depth review down the line cuz i have many thoughts, I'm just going to pointform my basic thoughts while it's still fresh.

PROS

Great designs all around, the Tantas look so breathtaking with their extravagant designs and yet it doesn't take away from their world, it fits just right in. Absolutely love it.

Good world building most questions i had were answered either through the main story or extra archive stuff. Nothing felt too weird yknow

Gameplay gameplay gameplay. The magic system is literally amazing. I dont think I've had this much fun fighting in an rpg in a long time. Theres so much fun variety so you can focus on whats comfortable for you while also looking sick as fuck. Have i mentioned how good the battle system is cuz i avoid playing mage in every game because its such a slog but here its so fast paced and hits hard. Perfect for me.

The music is soooo good, I love the main theme and find myself humming it literally all the time.

Great graphics but maybe a lil too many particle effects but otherwise really pretty.

The story is technically a pro. Like its good, not bad, not great, just good. Basically something you'd find in the YA Fantasy section, thats the kinda quality it was. Which isn't a insult I did enjoy the story and characters. It just needed polish, fix up the dialogue and trim some of the story fat and i wouldn't have any complaints tbh. Probably would do better as a book series tho ngl, not sure what game format would have saved it.

Shoutout to the accessibility options. I'm glad more games are including these. I'll never understand complaints about them though, like just dont use them if you dont want/need to thats it.

ALMOST FORGOT THE COOLEST THING. THE NAILS. I'm sorry but the idea of using nail art to inscribe magic runes to give you buffs is the coolest fucking idea ever, why has this concept not been used till now. We always see rune tatoos or written on gear and stuff im fantasy media but this is such a neat ideaaaa and im forever thankful for it. Her capes are cool too I guess, with there was more variety rather than recolors tho. Kinda wish we could also get different outfits for her tho. Those jeans probably chafe.

CONS

THE OPEN WORLD IS SO BIG FOR NO GODDAMN REASON. I honestly wish this wasn't an open world game tbh, its so unnecessary. Halfway through the game, i got so frustrated and ignored everything that wasn't story points cuz getting everywhere takes so damn long, especially early on when you dont have fancy parkour or stamina. Easily its biggest fault for me.

I understand they thought it'd do way better than what happened but planning out a story as a trilogy in the gaming industry is not a smart move. I've yet to play the dlc so idk if we get closure but the loose ends werent a great way for the game to end.

Oh, the dialogue. Its easily one of the gamest weakest points. Like the type of dialogue i was writing in my original stories when i was 13 (not that ive gotten any better tbh). Basically, it's not what you expect from such a vaunted company. Frey is great when shes excited or angry, which is most of the time, but occasionally, they'll hit me with the cheesiest line I've heard in years, and idk how to handle it. Like the stuff she says in the final chapter is honestly so robotic, there is no natural flow present. Which is a pity cuz the actress was killing it tbh, like she definitely carried the lines with her emotion. Unfortunately, it couldn't save them. Like if it was something they dropped on ps3 or wii, it honestly would have done fine. What i mean to say is the dialogue is very outdated in this age of gaming. im actually surprised how out of touch it feels. Especially since otherwise its a solid game all around. Regarding Cuff and Frey banter you do have the option to make it less frequent or just turn it off but i never really found them annoying regardless.

Maybe its just me but the control scheme feels so weird, the games makes you feel like you should be gliding most of the time but holding O while spaming all those trigger buttons feels so awkward to me. But then again I also didnt care enough to change the control scheme so.

#migght come back and edit this as i think of stuff #can genuinely say i like the game though absolutely worth the 30 dollars i got it on sale for any more is a robbery #will probably come back to this when i finish the dlc to see if my mind changed on anything #forspoken #forspoken spoilers #long post #cannot post break on mobile so sorry to ya'll timeline

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livingemkayde · 5 months

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Hi Mac! I request “director’s commentary” for Between Blurred Lines and also if u want, Chaser? I loved both fics sm 💘💘💘 :)

hi there anon!!!

thank you for requesting this! between blurred lines and Chaser are some of my favorite fics i've ever written!

directors cut of each under the cut!

between blurred lines

in terms of the director's cut...dbf!joel has always been a favorite trope of mine and it was actually one of the first tropes i wrote for joel.

i wanted to give it another go since ive been writing for a while and though it may not be noticable, i feel like my writing style has changed a bit since summer. i decided to try out a mix of dad's best friend and best friends dad type situation and i think it was a fun play on the trope (thank you bec).

i am super particular about the way i write dbf!joel, and im glad that you liked it. honestly it's personal preference that in an age-gap situation, reader makes the first move and i think a lot of my fics reflect that!

it's always a blast to explore that trope further. thanks for asking!

Chaser

in terms of Chaser, i LOVE writing tommy and joel when set in a pre-outbreak/no-outbreak setting! chaser was actually originally going to be a one shot, but i couldn't help myself and left it off on a surprisingly successful cliffhanger ending which i initially thought was kinda just funny lmao.

chaser was an amalgamation of a bunch of ideas i had sitting in my google docs for a while. i wanted to explore the babysitter x joel trope in addition to the brother love triangle trope that i am still oBESSED with, so i thought no better opportunity than to put it all together!

i have gotten a lot of messages about chapter iii. diced and the way i wrote chapter iv. tacit (thank you to everyone sitting in my inbox the fact that i never finished chaser makes me want to cry, im so sorry).

anyways... diced was SUPER fun to write. i think exploring tommy and joel's underlying relationship from what we have seen in tlou and tlou2 has always been interesting to me. i have delved a little deeper into this in this ask. but, i enjoyed watching the tension between the brothers and the different interpretations of their relationship especially after the show came out. the addition of 'Kin' to the tlou storyline was, imo, such an impactful decision by the creators and sort of solidified their tuly complex relationship (as are most siblings). by no means is chaser a professional nor serious commentary on their complex relationship, but i did enjoy exploring the family dynamics of the Millers.

tacit, to me, was the 'turning point' in their relationship, kind of a very blatant representation of the miscommunications that reader and joel struggle with. they both THINK the other wants different things, whether that be Tommy, Caroline, or each other is never specified which was (hopefully) done in a purposeful and impactful way. it was also the first time (i think) that i wrote a true POV switch and people seemed to really eat that shit up! i hesitated on POV switching because in a weird way, this was a story that felt extremely reader focused to me and I thought the mystery of what Joel was thinking added to the plot building.

thank you for asking about chaser! sometimes i get a little self conscious about the early writing because it was during my fairly new era of being on tumblr so i had a lot to learn in terms of storytelling. though its not finished (update coming soon) im really proud of chaser and its honestly where i got alot of you followers!!

i hope this was a sufficient directors cut for you sweet anon, thank you again for asking!

#mac's asks #chaser #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader

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elpublico · 2 years

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Hello! I've been following you for a while and have been wanting to ask you: who exactly is this Federico Garcia Lorca, you seem to like him a lot and I was wondering if you might want to explain why you love him so much. Also why don't you like Salvador Dali (cause I think that has something to do with Lorca? lol) Anyway no pressure if you don't want to answer. I like your blog a lot, have a nice day! :)

first and foremost, thank you very much :-) <3

ive written an absurd amount here, so uh tldr lorca is a spanish writer whose work i enjoy very much, i dont like dalí because of his support of facist systems and because he was an asshole plain and simple, and they are related in that they shared a weird intense homoerotic bond from roughly 1924-1929

and a more in depth explanation below should you care to read! warning it is quite literally 1.5k words. sorry

okay. let us begin

a very basic bio: federico garcía lorca was a spanish creative best known for his plays and poetry, though he was also a talented musician, draftsman, and theatrical director. he was born in 1898 and is considered part of the generación del 27, a loosely defined collection of spanish creatives and intellectuals interested in modernism emerging in the 1920s and 1930s. he was assassinated at by francoist forces at the start of the spanish civil war in 1936 due to his support of and connections to the republican government, leftist politics, and his somewhat public homosexuality.

i have serious, academic answers for why i like him but also silly ones so i’ll start with the silly ones. he was a weird fucking guy. most modernists are weird guys but he’s weird in a unique and dare i say somewhat charming way. he played a game with his friends where he’d pretend to be dead and everyone would pretend to have a funeral for him. when he was a kid he play Catholic Mass and make his family cry during his sermons. he had a jesus complex and wrote a play about his jesus complex. weird guy i love studying his weird brain. also he was that fun type of 20th century homophobic homosexual that was like “guys relax im a cool homosexual i dont like drag” thats extremely easy and fun to ridicule (see: ode to walt whitman). this is especially bold of him since he has the world’s worst taste in men.

on a more serious note i do genuinely enjoy his poetry (and plays, but i’m not well-versed enough in theater to give an informed review), and i think its a particularly poignant and unique version of modernism. and it is both easy and fun to make fun of his loser ass homophobia, but i think generally his work portrays a far more nuanced and compelling depiction of struggling with internalized homophobia that what you see in “ode to walt whitman.” as i am interested in both modernism and queer art, he’s one of those touchstone creatives that forms the basis of this line of inquiry in my personal research interests. also, i think his drawings are severely underrated as examples of spanish modern art and in terms of the material culture of modernism and warrant more in depth scholarship than what currently exists, which is generally just as a coda to his written work.

this is something of a meta-reason, but something i’ve also become interested in as i learn more about lorca is the way in which he has become martyrized in historical and contemporary discussions. i mean like people really create Narratives out of this guy’s life. even as early as 1939 we have people like william carlos williams championing him as the martyr of the spanish civil war to galvanize support in the usa among the literary community (if anyone is interested in reading williams’s essay hit me up i have a pdf). ian gibson’s (lorca’s biographer and the guy who uncovered the details surrounding lorca’s assassination) biography is very much constructed as a narrative of an smoothed over and idealized character. i started thinking more seriously about this after watching the film bones of contention, where lorca is shown as patron saint of lgbt people oppressed under francos rule and of all those who killed during franco's rule. the director of the fundación lorca, who is his niece (great-niece?) expressed in this documentary that the family did not want his bones to be found and reburied, because there is such a strong symbolic connection to him amongst those still fighting for government recognition of the true devastation of facist rule. if they find his bones and rebury them with family, there is the concern that the government will use this as propaganda to suggest that they have dealt with all the repercussions of facism and will not diligently follow up with how fascist power is still a systematic issue. i don’t know if this makes sense, as i haven’t articulated this yet and i still don’t really know what to make of it. there’s just something about the loss of humanity here, that his family could not and cannot properly grieve him because in this horrific death he has become a symbol of resistance. and even as people use his image to delve into queer art and history and as facist resistance, there are also people working in the opposite direction, claiming him as like, a neutral historical presence that like, whether he would have wanted that or not, just isn’t true or even ethical when talking about him today.

and as we talk about narratives i feel this is a good time to shift to dalí who is like The Narrative Guy. as mentioned previously, lorca and dalí were doing some type of gay shit for a little while there (what kind of gay shit is still up for debate). they met in madrid at the residencia de estudiantes, then became very close around 1925, when lorca first visited the dalí summer home in cadaqués. lorca visited again in 1927. they kept a regular correspondence, of which we have relatively few letters, esp those penned by lorca to dalí, and had a particularly fruitful artistic exchange in the years they were friends. lorca drew more (and exhibited his drawings in barcelona), and dalí wrote more. they shared symbols and had this sort of theoretical artistic dialogue through the analysis of saint sebastian. lorca’s head and references to lorca can be found in many of dalí’s paintings of the period, and lorca wrote his "ode to salvador dalí" (which unfortunately kind of slaps) some scholars even go as far as calling this dalí’s lorca period and lorca’s dalinian period.

in 1928 (i think?) luis buñuel (spanish filmmaker who was friends with both of them) begins to turn against lorca, supposedly because he found lorca’s work too traditional/conservative but also probably in large part also due to the fact that he was gay and that he was being gay with dalí. buñuel goes up to dalí, goes “hey i hate lorca don’t you hate lorca haha,” dalí pens this really critical and kind of rude letter to lorca saying his freshly published gypsy ballads was too traditional/conservative and he needed to be more modern etc etc it’s all very high school. dalí pulls away from lorca, goes to paris and collaborates with buñuel on un chien andalou and l’age d’or, lorca goes to new york, and they don’t see each other again until 1935 or 1936 i don’t remember the date. i guess now is as good a time as ever to say at this point in time dalí had ostensibly communist politics and affiliations, but going into late 30s/early 40s as he becomes more successful financially, he cozies up to the fascist franco regime and catholic church and other such institutions so he can live comfortably in spain. he espouses a lot of racist shit that (in my opinion) he only said to further his own career. later on in his life he does a lot of sketchy stuff relating to prints to earn a quick buck. so you know. i dont like him LOL

anyway to bring this back to lorca and narratives, dalí is understandably a key component in understanding the development of lorca’s work but a lot of what he’s said following lorca’s death just cannot be taken at face value. he claims lorca was entirely apolitical in his 1942 autobiography (obviously to make dalí’s own horrendous politics easier to swallow), and in a later interview he presented their relationship in a way that makes lorca look like a pining fool and kind of predatory. this has very clearly influenced lorca scholarship, though i think more and more people are looking at dalí’s comments more critically. in trying to manipulate his own self-image, dalí has had an insane influence over lorca’s narrative, which. grinds my gears.

i hate to end on dalí but i have no more to say lol. but at least i am spreading the word that dalí fucking sucks. gonna cite/link some shit here in the interest of transparency:

biographical details for both mostly pulled from my recollections of ian gibson’s biographies of the two (frederico garcía lorca: a life and the shameful life of salvador dalí) i will also say my understanding of dalí’s personal motives comes pretty much exclusively from gibson’s biography and its thesis, that dalí’s entire life revolved around masking and coping with his own personal sense of shame. very biased point of view but i don’t care enough about dalí to bother reading more about him. even just writing this post bummed me way the fuck out. too much dalí. i will also say i encourage everyone to NOT read gibson’s dalí biography, there’s a really transphobic section that violates the privacy of someone in dalí’s life. she’s a public figure and i’m sure it would not be hard to find speculation elsewhere, but you know. it’s just gross and all i can do is my best to prevent more people from speculating about this woman’s genitals

read a good article a while ago that sums up dalí’s racism but i can’t find it so here are some other articles providing more details, some of which i am only learning about now lol:

el pais: https://english.elpais.com/culture/2022-09-06/the-day-dali-invented-a-racist-religion.html

vice: https://www.vice.com/en/article/8qwp9v/its-really-surreal-how-salvador-dal-was-a-fascist-who-hit-women

if you are ever looking for a painfully mediocre period drama, i suggest little ashes in which robert pattinson plays dalí, making some of the most confusing acting choices of his entire career.

if you’re gonna read a lorca biography i suggest leslie stainton’s lorca: a dream of life. i haven’t read it all the way through, but it’s written more for a general audience than gibson’s hyper detailed version, and stainton isn’t afraid to point out tomfoolery on the part of lorca.

a selection of lorca poems:

fable and round of the three friends: https://hellopoetry.com/poem/623292/fable-and-round-of-the-three-friends/

ballad of the spanish civil guard: https://www.poesi.as/index214uk.htm

the guitar: https://poets.org/poem/guitar

if you made it this far i'm sorry

#ask

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