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selkiesbittybonanza · 4 years

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500 Followers Appreciation Bitty Profiles! (+ Bonus bitty!) (ALL FREE TO ADOPT)

Fellswap Gold Lamia Bittys

Merlot

Snake: Taipan

Venomous?: Yes

Size (Bitty): Length - 0.5-1m (1.6-3.3 ft.), Standing - 0.25-0.5m (0.8-1.6 ft)

Size (Full Sized): Length - 1.5-2m (5-6 ft), Standing 1-1.25m (3-5 ft)

Merlots are very calm and soothing bittys, they always seem to have it together. It can be easy to let them take control of things – you always feel like they have your best interests at heart. Merlots are very distinguished, they don’t appreciate looking disheveled, it gives them an almost “old man” quality. A Merlot’s nest is impeccably clean – you may even find a doily or two! And they somehow have a bowl of no-name candy to offer guests like a strange satire on how seniors live everywhere. However he had an eye for quality and doesn’t accept poor quality furnishings. While a Merlot doesn’t mind taking charge, he appreciates an adopter who takes initiative. A Merlot isn’t above using intimidation to get his way, but he’s so smooth about it you have a hard time noticing! He prides himself in being unflappable, to demand respect without screaming for it. He certainly has a devious side – he didn’t get this far without knowing how to “play the game” and isn’t above a few white lies for the sake of it. He can be quite paternal as well, he enjoys taking younger bittys under his “wing” and helping raising them. While he can seem rather stiff he’s actually a warm-hearted bitty who enjoys cuddles and being needed.

Espresso

Snake: Black-tailed Criibo

Venomous?: No

Size (Bitty): Length - 0.75-1m (2.4-3.3 ft), Standing - 0.25-0.5m (0.8-1.6 ft)

Size (Full Sized): Length - 2-2.5m (7-8.5 ft), Standing - 1-1.5m (3-5 ft)

Despite the name: Espressos aren’t very active bittys. They mostly prefer the quiet – gaming and drawing are their favourite hobbies. They tend to be shy and soft spoken – loud people can startle them into muteness and a lot of the time they prefer to communicate in non-verbal ways. If you want a gaming companion an Espresso is your perfect bitty match: but be warned – gaming is a fixation for them. If you ask them to not continue a game until you can play it together later it’s almost unfair to them, they’ll become obsessed with what’s next. Games with both single player and co-op content is more ideal – he can work on the single player campaign while he waits for you to come back to the co-op campaign. His shyness makes multi-player gaming a bit hit or miss – he doesn’t like gaming where a lot of communication and strategy is necessary – he prefers staying quiet and working towards objective without any instruction given or taken. His exception is co-op, he loves playing games together with you and feels his most accomplished when you both complete a challenging level together. He isn’t super competitive but takes pride in his skills so be careful setting up play-dates with bittys that may not appreciate losing to a quiet, seemingly submissive bitty. Despite his quiet and gentle nature he isn’t one to allow people to take advantage of him or disrespect him – he will stand up for himself, usually by exiting the situation instead of getting into an argument, and when pushed, he WILL fight back. He is surprisingly skilled and controls his magic well.

G!Siblings Ampitheres

So I decided to give my ampitheres the same human-like intelligence of all my other lamia bittys, but restrict them to a one-size bitty like my Harpys. Honestly a full size ampithere’s wingspan would make them pretty tough to house indoors…

Suave

Snake: Bolen’s Python

Venomous?: No

Size: 1-1.5m long (3-5ft), 0.5m (2ft) standing

Suaves pride themselves on being, well, suave and flirtatious – it helps them stay in control of the conversation and relationship so you don’t discover how much of a dork they really are. Suaves inherited Gaster’s love or building important monuments – like the Core. He’s interested in work that will stand the test of time, with the added benefit of being practical. He’s not interested in building, say: the Pyramids for vainglory. But, if that Pyramid was covered in solar panels that provided electricity for the nearby citizens – that’s up his alley. He also has an interest in motorized vehicles like cars, trucks and motorcycles – but he admits he’d have a difficult time using one without a lot of modifications. Which could be fun. Suaves love flashy experiments and inventions that leave an impact on his audience: however, when he’s working on his next big thing he ends up working at all hours of the night in his pajamas. His inspirations are flashes of brilliance and a flurry of work, after which, he collapses into a deep sleep for up to 36 hours. Despite appearances Suaves are huge nerds who love to share their work with interested listeners and isn’t above goofy shenanigans. They share a Sans’ sense of humour and laid back attitude – but it’s a mask to cover the whirling chaos of the mind within. Suaves can be surprisingly immature and will get a kick out of pranks and childish humour. A Suave can summon up to four disembodied “hands” to help him work on projects that require dexterity but doesn’t often use constructs in offensive magic. He’s more of a behind-the-scenes guy – but he can certainly manage bone attacks.

Savvy

Snake: Amazon Tree Boa

Venomous?: No

Size: 1.25-1.75m long (4-6ft), 0.75m (2.5ft) standing

While Suaves are the rock star scientists, the Savvys end up being in the babysitter role more times than they’d like. Savvys inherited Gaster’s interest in the soul and physical health of monsters and humans; since Savvys are on the autistic spectrum it helps them understand others better because, although they have trouble empathizing with others, it does not mean they don’t CARE. I head-cannon that smoking is a Gaster-trait and a Savvy’s Papyrus half REFUSES to participate in such a disgusting habit! Therefore Savvy’s tend to have an oral fixation to make up for the lack of smoking: chewing on the end of pencils, pens, their own tails… and rely far too much on caffeine. A Savvy works hard, but on a schedule and his experiments are always tightly controlled as opposed to a Suave’s scientific method. Savvys are polite, distinguished and a bit absent minded when it comes to personal relationships. If you’re looking for a bitty that will faun over you – look elsewhere. While Savvy’s certainly care about their adopters and family they are independent and self sufficient. They can seem humourless but the right touch can send them into giggles, they are very passionate about their interests and appreciate an interested audience (or at least captive). Savvys enjoy being needed and do well in situations where they can work as doctor’s, biologists or psychologists. They’re not judgmental and they like to look at the world with endless curiosity and enthusiasm! Savvys can summon up to four disembodied “hands” to help him work on projects that require dexterity but prefers to use his magical energies in his studies and use of healing magic. His offensive magic abilities are rather stunted because of this.

Bonus Lamia Bitty - Blueberror

Blue Ribbon

Snake: Blue striped Ribbon Snake

Venomous?: No

Size (Bitty): 0.5-1m (1.6-3ft), 0.3m standing

Size (Full Sized):1-1.5m (3-5ft) 0.5m standing

Ribbons are afraid of being alone (autophobic), they know that being alone in the anti-void is what caused their transformations from Blueberries to Blueberrors. They thrive in large families and want to be seen as a friend and protector by the group. Do not adopt one of these guys if you spend a lot of time out of the home and can’t provide them attention. A bitty family is a good stop-gap but they really need validation and one-on-one time with their adopters. Ribbons retain most of their personality traits from their Blueberry days but they’re a little… off. A little, too intense. Ribbons can get caught up in an emotion or situation and can spiral out of control whether the emotion is: joy, anger, frustration, or fear. They need a patient friend who can help them “reset” their emotional clock. Of course, being an Error, it sometimes causes a hard crash that they need to restart from. Depending on the situation they can forget completely what had set them off and will continue along like nothing happened. Other times, they remember what happened but the restart gave them enough time to reprocess so they can move on and get past what set them off. They can get depressed easily especially is someone is afraid or intimidated by him – he knows he’s different now, but he’s still a good guy at heart! A Ribbons magic is star-based – they create star-shaped attacks and can even summon a star to ride around on like Kirby.

Creators

Blueberror created by @loverofpiggies

Fellswap Gold AU created by @blackggggum

G!Sans created by @bouru

Art

Fellswap Gold Sans & Papyrus + Blueberror Lamias commissioned from @calmchapsart

G!Siblings Ampitheres commissioned from @me-and-my-gaster

all art commissioned by me: @sealpointselkie / @selkiesbittybonanza

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bitchesgetriches · 4 years

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Noble citizens of the aspirationally decadent Conglomerated Nation of Bitches Get Riches: let’s have a lil’ chat, shall we? It’s been a while since we chatted about our favorite topic: ourselves!

We hope you’ve enjoyed season two of the Bitches Get Riches podcast. Recording it was a bright spot for us during this dumpster fire of a year, so thank you all for listening.

As we wrap up another season, we had a few notes to share with you. Including some more personal reflections about how we’re doing, where we’re at, and what the future holds.

Let’s get into it!

Merch is back online

If you visited our Etsy shop in the last few months, you might’ve noticed the physical merch—tee shirts and coffee mugs and tote bags and such—wasn’t listed anymore. Basically, when lockdowns started, it caused a lot of disruption and delays on orders. Not wanting people to be stuck waiting for stuff, we decided to take it all offline, and only offer digital merch.

As of today, we’ve reactivated everything! But please keep in mind that there may still be delays, depending on what’s happening in the world! We appreciate your patience, if patience is indeed called for.

Visit Our Etsy Shop

Season one transcripts

Next, we wanted to let you guys know that we now have transcripts available for season one of the Bitches Get Riches podcast!

We’re committed to making BGR as accessible as we possibly can. We know that some people can’t hear, or struggle to absorb information aurally, so transcripts were something we’ve always wanted to offer.

… But, you know, at the end of the day, we’re just two people! Transcribing and editing audio is time- and labor-intensive work, and there just aren’t enough hours in the day for us to do it along with the fifteen million other things we have to do.

We were able to offer season one transcripts thanks entirely to A Purple Life, a peerlessly talented and wonderful fellow blogger who selflessly made it happen. (If you don’t already read her stuff, you’ve already disobeyed us, as we commanded you to in 10 Rad Black Money Experts to Follow Right the Hell Now. And for that, we’re strongly considering smiting you.)

We’re incredibly thankful to Purple for her hard work on this. But we also feel strongly that this DESERVES to be paid work! So the release of season two transcripts is dependent on getting more Patreon donors to offset funding it.

Season 1, Episode 1: “Should I Tell My Boss I’m Looking for Another Job?”

Season 1, Episode 2: “How Should I Behave on My First Day at Work?”

Season 1, Episode 3: “My Parents Have Bad Credit. Should I Help by Co-signing Their Mortgage?”

Season 1, Episode 4: “Capitalism Is Working for Me. So How Could I Hate It?”

Season 1, Episode 5: “I Don’t Love My Job, but It Pays Well. Should I Quit—or Tough It Out?”

Season 1, Episode 6: “I Lent My Boyfriend Money. He Took It to a Casino.”

Season 1, Episode 7: “I’m Terrible at Budgeting. Do I Suck It Up—Or Is There Another Way?”

Season 1, Episode 8: “My Mother Demands Information About My One-Night Stands.”

Season 1, Episode 9: “I’ve Given up on My Dream Career. Where Do I Go From Here?”

Season 1, Episode 10: “I Want a Pedigreed Dog. She Wants a Rescue Mutt. It Turned into a Fight… and the Fight Got Ugly.”

Season 1, Episode 11: “I Feel Cornered by a Friend Who Keeps Asking to Borrow Money.”

Season 1, Episode 12: “Should I Believe the Fear-Mongering about Another Recession?”

Bonus Episode: Merry Bitchmas! The 2019 Star-Studded Holiday Spectacular

For transcripts, scroll to the bottom of each episode and click “episode transcript.” Or read them directly in the podcast player of your choice!

Podcast reviews

We also super wanted to thank all the people who’ve etched their names in blood upon the dusty pages of our dark grimoire written reviews for the show on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, and other places!

We are beyond flattered by the kind things you guys have said about us. Like MoonPetalLily, who described us as “the snarky older sisters [they] wish [they] had.”

FunshineKelly said our “advice helped [them] land a $20k raise and a signing bonus without crying even a little bit.” GOOD! We don’t support tears in the workplace! Not even in the sanctity of your car parked way in the corner of the parking lot. Keep it together!

And God bless MelHubbs, who said, and I quote:

They’re prepared, and still relaxed; informative, and still light-hearted; comforting, and still sexual. It’s everything you could ever want in a podcast, in an internet personality, in your sisters-in-arms against the terrible war between capitalism and what humans actually need to survive & thrive. One of my favorite things about them is that they don’t have any corporate sponsors or ads, so you know what they’re saying is what they mean, not what their advertisers want them to say. If you’re able, support them on Patreon! If you’re not, listen to their podcast, take their advice to heart, reflect on your options, make your moves, then, with your newfound financial independence, become a patreon!

MelHubbs, you joyful sonnet!

Your review is so good that it reads suspiciously like something we paid you to write! But we’re too cheap for that—IT REAL!

Bitches Get Riches at the crossroads

All right. Time to level with you guys.

In keeping with 2020’s overarching theme (“everything is pure shit”), this year has become a real “shit or get off the pot” moment for the two of us.

Although I’m comfortable and doing fine, Piggy is still unemployed. And last week she received the last unemployment check she’s entitled to. It sucks. And it’s scary.

Being a partnership is awesome in almost every way. But one way that it sucks is that we have to earn double the amount of money to be truly profitable! (And no, before you ask, it’s not possible for us to only pay Piggy. Believe me, that was our original plan—but it turns out that’s not allowed in a 50/50 legal partnership. We must pay ourselves equally, or Uncle Sam will spank us. And he doesn’t do it in the sexy way—only the traumatic way!)

Piggy is doing okay for now. She has freelancing work, and an intact emergency fund. But understandably, anxiety and worry take their toll. She’s pushing through it, but it’s hard. Creativity and passion can’t thrive for long without some measure of safety and stability.

During these scary times, our Patreon community has been a lifeline. As more and more of you have joined us, it’s slowly crept up from grocery money to grocery and utility bill money! So thank you, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts thank you to those who’ve stepped up and joined.

But we’re kind of at a crossroads. Because of Piggy’s situation, we really need it to become “paying the mortgage” money. And it’s gotta get there pretty fast. Otherwise, it’s just not fair to ask Piggy to invest so much of her time in Bitches Get Riches, when she could be taking on higher paying freelancing work to keep herself afloat.

And trust me, you do not want a BGR that’s too Kitty-heavy. I am longwinded af, slowly losing my abilities to think and spell, and take every possible detour to inject disgusting sexual comments wherever they are least germane (although idk maybe you’re here for that).

Our new goal for ourselves, and you

With all of that in mind, we have a new goal: to produce season three of our podcast, we need 500 total Patreon donors.

Today we have… 294. So that’s, uhhhhh… a really ambitious goal!

It’s probably too ambitious. We’re probably gonna fail. Who cares, it’s 2020! The planet is on fire and god is already dead, so we have no reason not to give it our all!

We are leaving this in your hands. We—Piggy and I—believe that the world would be a better place if people could hear reliable, relatable financial wisdom funded by regular people, untainted by corporate sponsors with deep pockets who want us to push their capitalist crap upon you. And 294 of you have already demonstrated that you believe that too. Thank you, thank you, infinity thank yous to all of you who are already a part of our Patreon community. You are shining stars that smell faintly of vanilla.

For the rest of you: if you like what we do and you want us to keep doing it, please show us that you believe in it too. You can do that by joining us at the Bitches Get Riches Patreon.

We hope to be back soon for a third season. Until then, stay safe, stay sane, wear your masks, triple-check that you’re registered to vote, and save room for dessert. (What’s for dessert? So glad you asked—it’s the rich!)

For now, Bitches OUUUTTTTT!

Join the Bitches on Patreon

#etsy #merch #bitches get riches #patreon #donations #personal finance #financial advice #money #adulting #money advice #advice #adulting advice

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sammysdewysensitiveeyes · 2 years

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Now that I’ve seen all of Gotham, I can give my two cents about the series as a whole.

Gotham is a ridiculous, trashy guilty-pleasure show that has some good moments, but is mostly saved by really good actors, and costume/set designers that fully understand that this is comic-book noir fantasy land.

The Best:

Penguin - I can understand people not liking this take on him, he’s very different from his comics counterpart, much more stabby and emotional, plus much thinner than he should be. But I find Penguin to be the most interesting and dynamic character on the show, and Robin Lord Taylor did an excellent job making him funny, intense, weirdly charismatic, at times almost sympathetic, and always fun to watch. He is an absolutely horrible person, and I know full well he’d deserve it if he got shot in the head, but every episode is just another adventure in “Who will Penguin back-stab this time,” and “How will he somehow weasel his way out of danger?” Plus in a show where half the time is spent on a never-ending web of criminals back-stabbing each other then teaming up again, I no longer care that much about his betrayals. He’ll be teaming up with that same person again in a week, or possibly in the same episode, depending on circumstances.

Riddler - another character that is very different from his comics counterpart, but I enjoyed this version of the character. I kinda think they turned him into the Riddler too early, as they then had to find something for him to do for the rest of the series. I don’t necessarily love the dissociative identity disorder take on his personality, or his creeping on poor Kristen Kringle, but the actor certainly did a good job with the character, and he was generally witty and fun to watch. His relationship with the Penguin, whether you ship them or not, is my favorite part, the way they backstab and make friends again. It’s fun. I also really enjoyed his interactions with Lucius Fox, who seemed to understand him on some level, while obviously disapproving of his actions. Hell, Lucius should have been Ed’s nemesis, he’s one of the few people smart enough. Ed and Lee also had an interesting dynamic.

Harvey Bullock - spends the entire series being the only character with common sense, basically the tired dad sleazy uncle of the GCPD. His interactions with Gordon, especially early in the series, are him constantly going, “Jim, don’t do the thing,” and then Jim doing the thing anyway. He’s a very relatable asshole, who will reluctantly do the right thing and complain about it the whole time. His relationship with Gordon is probably when I like Gordon the best - just them broing around.

Fish Mooney - Fish was great, and I wish she’d stuck around longer. She was smart, she was powerful, she was interesting. She was also extremely callous, but so are most of the characters on this show. I guess she had to get knocked off her seat of power so that people like Penguin and Barbara could rise up, but I wish she’d gotten to play a role in later seasons. Maybe if she banged Jim Gordon she’d get to be important, which seems to be the case for both Barbara and Lee.

Lucius Fox - he’s a kind, brave, brilliant man, and I enjoyed him working with Harvey and Gordon, as well as his interactions with Ed. I wish he’d gotten more of a storyline of his own. Looking back, he’s usually just there to be helpful. The most “story-arc” he’s gotten is his decision to work at the GCP, and later to help Bruce, but he doesn’t really get enough focus on just him. He always seems to be the sidekick who’s there to supply info or technology to Bruce, Gordon, Harvey, etc.

The Pretty Good

Barbara - I like Barbara much better when she’s embraced life as a crime boss, and is running a nightclub with Tabitha than when she’s Jim Gordon’s “crazy” evil ex. Barbara winds up being a badass in her own right, and I love her role in later seasons. Her “redemption” at the end is a little cheap, but I like her co-parenting with Jim better than her just conveniently giving birth to Gordon’s child then getting written off while he raises the baby with Lee.

Lee - Lee also winds up being a badass without completely giving over to her dark side. She consistently tries to help people throughout the series. Like Barbara, I like Lee best when she’s completely disconnected from Gordon, especially in her Queen of the Narrows storyline. When she was helping Barbara give birth, I almost wished the two of them would run away together and leave Jim behind, but whatever. At least she gets to be happy in the end.

Selina - I get annoyed by the hyper-competent child trope, and while the actress is beautiful, I always found it a bit creepy how heavily made-up this street urchin child character was on the show, especially in the early seasons. I was also bored by everything Bruce/Selina related. But the actress did a good job, and I enjoyed Selina while she was trying to help friends from the Narrows, or teaming up with Barbara and Tabitha to run the nightclub.

Alfred - Alfred’s pretty cool.

Zsaz - for a remorseless murderer, he actually wound up being pretty funny and almost likable, especially in later seasons. The dude kills for a living, he’s just doing his job.

The Meh

Baby Bruce - I almost feel like Bruce shouldn’t have been on this show at all, or should have been brought in later. Baby Bruce generally either bored or annoyed me. My favorite Bruce scene was actually a scene where he and Selina have snuck into the GCPD to steal information, then he distracts an officer by claiming he wants protection from Jerome, and fake crying. “I’m sorry! I’m just so scared!” Hilarious. I mean, he’s obviously a hero, we see him do incredibly brave and selfless things, but I’m way more interested in all the villains on this show. While I know we’re supposed to see Bruce making his gradual transformation into Batman, it felt like they did too much too early. Bruce has killed Ra’s al Ghul and been through No Man’s Land before he even became Batman, what challenges are left for him now?

Gordon - I know I should like Gordon, he’s the light in the darkness, the one good cop in Gotham, but unfortunately, as the boy scout character, he’s also boring compared to the more colorful, morally bankrupt characters. He also comes off as self-righteous and hypocritical at times, as he winds up doing some shady things, or insists on “doing the right thing” regardless of who may be screwed over by his actions. Also, how many beautiful women need to throw themselves at him?

Ivy - making Ivy an unnaturally aged-up child who is portrayed as sexy sexy was very creepy and weird. I guess they tried to make her the eco-terrorist in the last season or so, but there were so many wrong turns with that character.

The “Joker” - I’m honestly so bored with dark, edgy Joker. He’s overplayed. My favorite Jokers now are Cesar Romero, Lego Batman Joker, and Mark Hamill’s Batman TAS Joker, who portrayed just the right amount of menace while still letting the character be fun. (Honorable mention to Heath Ledger, whose dark, edgy Joker was at least interesting and compelling.) This show is no exception. I was generally bored whenever Jerome showed up. Oh, he’s gonna kill some people? Great. However, the twist in Season 4 was interesting, and I give the actor a lot of credit for portraying two very different personas. He did a great job with that.

Discount Bin “Harley” - she wasn’t really called Harley, but she wore a similar suit and was blond and said “puddin.” Not nearly as compelling or sympathetic as the original, TAS Harley.

Sophia Falcone - she was an interesting schemer, but I’m very annoyed that they took a big, physically imposing woman from the comics, and made her slim and conventionally beautiful.

Also:

The show did a lot of things too soon, imo. Of course, they had five seasons to fill, and they needed big impressive events, but it got weird when they tried to adapt comics stories like No Man’s Land or The Killing Joke before Bruce is even Batman. What challenges are left for him? The villains have almost all been through a lot of their development already, so what’s left for them when Bruce actually starts beating them up wearing the funny suit? Also, Bullock said at one point that he’s fifty, which means that, 10 years later, he’s close to retirement age when Batman is just getting started. Montaya was introduced in the first season and disappeared. By the time Barbara Gordon is old enough to be Batgirl, Riddler, Penguin and Joker are gonna be senior citizens.

Bruce and Selina need to both stop taking their masks off. In the last episode, Catwoman takes off her mask while she’s stealing a diamond, while physically at the crime scene, probably being recorded on security cameras, just so that we can see that it’s her. Are the GCPD just letting her steal whatever because she’s helped them in the past? Baby Bruce takes off his leather mask when he first starts crime fighting, and does a hell of a lot of beating criminals up maskless in the last couple of seasons. But no one suspects that he’s Batman later?

The show has an absolutely appalling portrayal of mental illness. Arkham seems to house both harmless and dangerous patients, but they’re all mixed in together, and the non-named extras are all hamming it up acting “crazy” during scenes there. It really plays on the “crazy = monster” trope, especially since all the main characters that experience mental illness seem to go bad. I guess they could be making a statement about poor treatment of the mentally ill, but the extras are always portrayed as grotesque and comical. It’s gross. But it’s also very similar to the way Arkham is usually portrayed in the comics.

Nothing on this show ever made sense, but that’s okay, it’s Gotham.

#gotham #my long rambling opinions

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morceauoleander · 3 years

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Min’s mind & DID

thinking of DID i have some notes i wrote a couple days ago regarding my OC min and how their mind works with their DID! remember this is based off me, and Min is also a polyfragmented system with many sub systems!

while i have a lot of this written down, even Min’s alters names dont really come up outside. they are just Min. they are affected by some fronting but they are also very far into therapy and have many coping mechanisms and skills to help them! theyre doing pretty well and no one really needs to be super aware of their DID on the outside at all, but a knowledgeable Psychic would recognize their disorder upon entering the mind.

its very hard to put together what min’s mind would be like, but i’d likely put it in “layers”

you have the “Front Room”. a small, and quite empty room in which most of the active alters of Min reside. Min is often co-fronting constantly as they’ve gone through therapy for years and have found ways to work together- that being they work together often and co front a lot due to their messy polyfragmented set up. this front room is the most “surface level” part of their mind, and you won’t reach the rest of it for a bit as you must navigate through a foggy black of nothing to get to the rest. this is a sort of dissociative barrier from everything else and you may not pop out the right end at first. it isnt supposed to be covered easily and most will not make it through without some kind of direction.

once through, you’ll tumble down a path and be opened up to a very undefined system of ‘bubbes’ and houses. called the “City Hub” this is the hub of everything else for Min’s system. in Min’s mind, it appears like a city walkway with buildings, houses, parks, etc in a sort of neon-like outline seen on figments but can flicker in and out of being full on 3D objects (they cannot be collected like figments btw) there are a few notable things: 1) ‘figment’-like outlined buildings and bubbles, bubbles that then lead to another “hub” like this - a sub system 2) many fragments... which are very much like ‘figments’ appearance wise but are sometimes capable of speech, fronting, and altering their in-mind appearance. 3) other defined alters, who may be dormant or are simply not at the Front- wandering around like any other person in a mind.

Min’s hub “flickers” into detail from time to time, as it kind of depends on how much mental energy they’re putting into being in the front. Its a lotta work keeping an eye on everyone back there and if they’re focused on the front they may not put a lotta that energy into the visual of their mind.

“sub systems” which appear as another hub like the main one, can be hard to reach sometimes as they can contain dormant alters or dissociative barriers that bar others from accessing it. it is NOT ever suggest one breaks through these barriers- while the Front’s barrier is trouble to get through, tougher barriers like ones blocking these sub systems can be like brick walls. Any psychic learning about dissociation will learn that dissociative barriers are not inherently bad, and that breaking them down can sometimes do more harm than good!

As Min is polyfragmented, their system is quite large, but it is hugely full of fragments. in-game i feel this kind of “messy” mind could be done with a sorta expanding path of the “main hub” being procedurally generated where it close gets less and less defined, maybe with some kinda forced perspective to make it seem never ending. No way would anyone get to explore all of Min’s mind, its too expansive and the further you go, the less defined stuff you’ll find and deal with.

Of course... there is the minds of Min’s alters. A sorta paradox situation, but the mind of the alters can be explored, but its just a smaller “room” inside what is already one person’s mind. its not another body or another brain. Most alter’s minds won’t be crazy big but they may look more akin to another non-dissociative person’s mind due to not being affected by the structure of the System and instead just displaying that one alter’s mind. im not even going to get into the concept of an alter having a system of alters, lets just stop there lol.

All in all, Min’s mind isnt too “weird”, just... expansive. and its almost like having your own massive team of psychics in your head, working as a group but also just living their lives. They have dissociative barriers held up in parts of their mind, and you’re unlikely to find a single memory vault of anything “traumatic” as those are safeguarded and kept far away. Min’s mind holds some typical things like doubt or bad moods, but censors do not work the same way! not in the same way. Min’s system does NOT hold typical roles like “gatekeeper” or whatever, as my system does not and i do not understand those concepts with my alters. here i will go into various Psychonauts’ world aspects that fit into min’s mind:

Alters & censors - Min’s mind does not have censors but rather alters who instruct censors. In a way one may think of panic attacks - not uncommon, but are usually tackled swiftly by alters who deal with them. if an alter who is fronting deals with them while fronting, usually when inside the mind it looks like the “time bubble” effect has been put over everything, but no one is slow. bad moods, bad ideas, doubts, judge - all work as they normally would. they may spawn because of another alter in the system too, as there are many who could get these thoughts. alters often work together to deal with them. baggage - there is a LOT of baggage but its greatly scattered around. when its found and dealt with, its gonna pop up again, somewhere else.

so who are Min’s alters...? well, thats big question considering their system size, and in actuality it doesnt really matter- my system is huge but we work collectively without much thought aside from some defined hosts. So, here are Min’s most defined hosts!

Koffee (he/they) - not unlike Min, and isn’t very old system wise, but he’s been co fronting since he formed and is almost never without Min. They and Min are often the ones to old the others together when fronting in more intense situations. Green (they/them) - quiet, a thinker. likes to be the logical one but can get consumed in things go wrong. they keep shit in line for sure, have been known to fall into panics if they arent fronting with a good partner. Sable (she/he/they) - a fun one no doubt. they’re the one who definitely falls into being a bit immature and overly friendly. people like her a lot no doubt, but she isnt the best judge in many situations. she gets shit done though, thats for sure. she enjoys company and she likes working. Root (he/him) - not unlike Sable, but not a fan of all the more social things they tend to lean into. they are casual, a bit humorous, and incredibly analytical. they are great at organizing things but can be a bit controlling about it.

all of them have varying skills they are good at psychic wise, but i dont have the energy to go into that now too.

so yeah. thats a lot of what goes on in min’s mind! if anyone has questions on things regarding it and DID let me know! pls remember this is MY experience with DID. this is not what it is for everyone else. other than the basic criteria, lots of this can vary!

#psychonauts #oc #pn oc #psychonauts oc #min

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fullmetalscullyy · 4 years

Text

the way it was - chapter 27

summary: what if riza never went to war? riza hawkeye has just married the man she loves. six months into their marriage, an unexpected surprise stops her from following roy to the military. a canon divergence au that explores what might have happened had riza been unable to join the military. there will be plenty of family fluff, angst, and royai.

rated: m | warnings: no archive warning apply

read on ao3

1914

cross your heart and hope to die

promise me you'll never leave my side

“Roy –”

His eyes flashed as they jerked away from the door. His glare was intense and Riza felt taken aback by it, even though she knew it wasn’t directed at her. She couldn’t get over that burning hatred in his eyes for Bradley.

“You’re leaving.” It wasn’t even a question. Given the anger festering and rolling off Roy in waves, Riza didn’t think she’d be able to stop him even if she tried. She wanted to, just to give his body more time to recover, but the effort would be fruitless.

Roy’s hands clenched into fists by his side. They tightened their grip as he strode over to her with purpose. It looked like he was ready to walk out the door right that second. Roy against the world, blood still smeared on his abdomen and shirtless.

“How dare he –”

“Calm down.” Riza’s voice was as gentle as her touch. A hand was pressed to his cheek and the other moved to rest upon his bare chest, right above his heart. It beat furiously underneath her palm, speaking of his fury and indignation. His emotions were raging but it would do him no good to leave now, guns blazing, in a fit of rage. He would not win that battle.

Immediately, Roy stilled. Blinking, he looked down at her, as if suddenly breaking from a trance. His eyes closed for a second, giving himself a mental shake before opening them. In those dark orbs anger still festered, but it lurked behind his grim acceptance of her wish.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“How dare he threaten you,” he seethed quietly. His hard stare was back on their door, jaw locking as he restrained himself.

“I thought it sounded like a threat too,” Riza admitted.

Her stomach turned at the thought because that meant they may be onto Roy and his mission to take Bradley down. With no way of being able to confirm if that were true or not, her unease skyrocketed. The memory of Bradley’s one eye on her, pinning her in place, made her skin crawl even more than it had before. She shuddered gently, and Roy noticed.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he promised vehemently. His head jerked, looking away from the door, so he could rest his determined gaze upon hers. His hands gripped her elbows securely.

Expression suddenly turning thoughtful, Roy cocked his head in thought while his posture relaxed. Riza could see the cogs working inside of his head, running a mile a minute. She could tell his thoughts were racing as he tried to come up with some kind of strategy or promise to her.

“Perhaps living with my mother for a bit –”

“Roy,” Riza snapped at him, her hands falling to her sides in indignation. He jumped, eyebrows tugging down into a frown. She wasn’t going to run away from him at a moment’s notice. If push came to shove, they’d get Mia out to Chris’, maybe, depending on how the situation evolved, but she wouldn’t abandon him. They wouldn’t abandon him. Especially not now.

“What?” His reply was curt, irritated that his train of thought had been interrupted.

“I won’t let anything happen to you either.”

Riza softened her tone and her shoulders, letting everything negative flow out of her in a breath. Although annoyed he’d jumped and taken such a large leap, it was because he was panicking. Not obviously, but she could feel the sweat on his palms and could see he was bristling with nervous energy. Roy may need action but that was not the correct course.

“I’m not going to leave you.”

“You should –”

“Oh –” Riza interrupted him but had to cut herself off before she really let her irritation show. She stepped back out of his hold and threw her hands up into the air to try to dispel her frustration. “Stop it. Maybe, Mia could go,” she relented, turning back to face him, “but that’s something we would discuss properly, and not in a fit of panic. We don’t even know what that conversation meant yet either,” she reminded him, “but I’m not going anywhere.”

He sighed in frustration. “Stubborn one, aren’t you?” He muttered it, narrowing his eyes, but Riza heard the affection in his tone.

“Of course,” she nodded, unashamed, “but so are you, remember?”

Another sigh left his body, his chest heaving as he inhaled, his exhale long and drawn out as he calmed himself.

“Together,” he confirmed. “We’ll discuss it together.”

“Of course we will.” Angling her head, Riza pecked his cheek. “Be safe going back out there,” she commanded, her tone becoming serious.

“Always.”

She raised a sardonic eyebrow at him. Recent events painted that promise as a lie.

“Listen,” he argued lightly, suddenly defensive, “I didn’t know Gluttony was going to turn himself into a black hole. None of us could have prepared for that, so technically,” he raised a finger into the air, “that wasn’t my fault.”

Riza patted the skin above his heart. “I… don’t even want to ask what that means. Just…” She sighed heavily, dropping her head. She didn’t know what to say. Every time she’d said goodbye to him today, it felt like she was saying goodbye forever and Riza hated it. Her stomach churned, almost painfully, like it did every other time, except this was worse. He would be walking into the belly of the beast, completely alone.

Before she could dwell for too long Roy’s fingers held her chin lightly, lifting her head back up to face him. Slowly, he lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers. His touch was light but Riza wanted more. As soon as she deepened the kiss, Roy responded, as if he’d been waiting on her to initiate it. His arms snaked around her back so he could pull her body as close to his as possible. It was difficult with her pregnant stomach, but Riza appreciated the gesture. Her hands gripped his shoulders tightly, nails biting into his skin in her desperation to have that closeness with him.

They parted, breathing heavily, foreheads resting together. If Riza could restrain him completely, she’d keep Roy here in this moment forever. She wouldn’t let him leave to go fight unknown by himself. It would have made her feel better if he’d take some back up, but it was late, and Roy wouldn’t call on his team at this hour for their support. Not that they would be able to do much anyway. If Bradley wanted a meeting with Roy, he would give him that, but Bradley would ensure it was private.

“I’ll always come back to you,” he promised. One arm was removed from her back and came to rest upon her stomach. “To all of you.”

“I know,” Riza nodded slowly so she didn’t jostle his head too much. Pulling back, she smiled up at him. “Do you want a ride to Command?”

Roy shook his head. “It’s late. You should get some sleep.”

“I love you.” She gave him a quick kiss before he could pull away from her completely to go and get ready to leave.

The bed was cold and empty without Roy. Riza tried to sleep, but it wouldn’t come. Her brain was whirring as she tossed and turned, unable to remove the sight of his scars from her mind’s eye. Her heart hurt for him. He must have been in so much pain after doing that to himself… A single tear rolled down her cheek as her eyelids fluttered closed.

Blearily, Riza’s eyes blinked awake at six o’clock. It arrived a lot quicker than expected. There was little light from outside, the turning of the seasons drawing out the nights to make them longer. A quiet groan left her throat as she blinked the sleep from her eyes, the lids feeling heavy and pained from lack of sleep. Her fingers found her forehead, rubbing it gently as she gave herself a few more minutes to relax before getting up.

Roy hadn’t come home through the night. Riza didn’t know what to expect when he left, but she’d hoped she’d at least see him in the morning. Her stomach twisted with worry. Rolling onto her back, Riza’s arm bumped against a pillow restricting her movements. It was Roy’s. She’d moved it in her sleep, probably to hug it against her. It wasn’t the first time she’d done so and wouldn’t be the last either. Subconsciously she’d clung to a poor substitute for her husband, but at least the smell of him was still on the fabric. It brought her a slight hint of peace.

Staring up at the ceiling, going over everything in her mind, Riza felt a flutter in her stomach. Blinking, she paused, the sensation halting her thought process. Then there was another. A smile spread across Riza’s face and a hand automatically moved to rest atop her stomach.

“Good morning to you too,” she whispered to their child, caressing her skin.

There was a tiny kick in response and Riza lay there for a few moments longer, enjoying the tiny movements. It helped calm her and soothe her worries for the moment.

She knew she needed to keep calm and level-headed for the baby, and for Roy’s sake too, but it was so hard. It was difficult not to worry when she couldn’t see him with her own eyes, protect him with her own hands, and watch his back like she’d promised she would. Increased stress and anxiety would not benefit their child in the slightest, but she also couldn’t let it go. Not when he was essentially being targeted by the head of the State Military and God knows what else.

Perhaps she should take up yoga. At least for a brief escape from her own mind.

Riza huffed at the idea. As if she had the time. With Mia at school during the day, all her time was taken up by doing coursework for her teaching degree. Now their daughter was older, Riza didn’t want to waste any time with Mia when she was home, so she made sure to try and complete everything necessary before Mia returned from school.

Pulling herself up from the bed, Riza busied herself and her mind with the preparations for the day. She could either be active or lie there and dwell on Roy’s unknown situation for hours.

“Morning Mum,” Mia greeted tiredly, joining Riza in the kitchen. A small hand rubbed at her eyes as Hayate padded to wait beside Mia, looking up at Riza expectantly. He was waiting for his own breakfast.

“Good morning, Mia,” Riza called over her shoulder, rising onto her tiptoes to reach for a glass for Mia’s water. “Head through to the dining room. I’ll bring your toast through to you.”

“Okay,” she mumbled, eyes half closed.

Riza placed a plate in front of Mia, manoeuvring around Hayate, who’d chosen to sit right beside Mia’s chair at the table. He was still looking up at Riza expectantly, waiting to be fed, but made no noise. He was patient as he watched Riza move around the room.

“Did you sleep well?” Riza bent at the waist, kissing the top of her daughter’s head.

“Uh hu,” Mia nodded tiredly. “I’m still sleepy.” Her declaration bordered on a whine, and Riza could sympathise with her.

“I know. You’ll wake up soon though. And you can have an early night tonight when you come home from school. That will make you feel better tomorrow.”

Like every child, the thought of going to bed early horrified Mia. That would limit her play time, and she would never want that. Mia’s spine straightened immediately, and her eyes were forced open wide in an effort to not appear tired in the slightest. “Oh…”

“We’ll see how you feel when you come home,” Riza added, although she knew Mia would play it off as not being tired as soon as she stepped in the door.

“Okay,” Mia nodded. She looked around the room, her head craning from side to side earnestly. “Where’s Dad?” She sounded so disappointed to not see him and, once again, Riza could sympathise.

“He left to go to work early,” Riza replied. It wasn’t a lie. Leaving the night before for work was certainly early.

Mia didn’t think too much more of it. She shrugged as Riza stooped to provide Hayate with his food bowl and fresh water. “Okay.”

After a brisk walk to school in the cool autumn wind, Riza was just sitting down to do her coursework when the phone rang. Placing down the hot mug of tea, freshly poured to warm her up, Riza walked through the house and prayed this call was Roy finally getting in touch with her.

“Hey,” Roy greeted through the phone. He sounded incredibly tired, but happy to speak to her. “Good morning.”

“Good morning to you too,” she replied, smiling to herself as she remembered saying the same greeting a few hours ago to their little one. Riza leaned her shoulder and temple against the wall beside the phone and cupped her stomach. Her own relief was palpable in her voice.

“Sorry for not calling earlier. I knew you’d be getting Mia ready for school.”

“That’s okay. You’re calling now.”

“Are you all right?”

“Perfectly fine,” she confirmed.

“Good, good.” He trailed off and Riza waited expectantly for something further, but Roy was silent.

“How are you this morning?”

“Oh, yes, fine,” Roy reassured. It certainly didn’t sound it but Riza wouldn’t ask over the phone. After Bradley’s warning the night before and Roy not coming home it was obvious something had happened. However, he was alive and talking to her. That was all she needed at the moment. She wanted to talk to him, not Colonel Mustang.

“What time will you be home tonight?”

“Normal time.” His tone was firm, determined. “It’s been a busy morning,” Roy added, “but I’ll have everything done by the end of the day. I wouldn’t want to miss coming home to you.”

Riza smiled. “Pre-warning, if you’re late, your dinner will probably end up burnt or eaten.”

“All the more reason to get home on time then, right?” She could hear his grin through the phone.

“Exactly. Either that or Mia will feed it to Hayate.”

“Don’t let that dog steal my food!”

Riza laughed at his horrified tone. “Then you better be home for six.”

“Oh, I definitely will now,” Roy vowed. “I’m not letting the mutt steal my dinner for a third time,” he muttered darkly, mostly to himself.

“It’s a hard life for you, isn’t it?”

“The hardest life,” he groaned dramatically.

“Okay,” Riza relented, “I will keep his paws off your food.”

“I would love you forever if you did.”

“You mean…” Riza smirked, twirling the cord around her fingers as a wicked idea occurred to her. “You weren’t already going to love me forever?”

Roy paused for a beat, left stumped.

“Hm,” Riza hummed, “maybe Hayate will be let up at the table tonight while we wait on you…”

“Riza Mustang, you know I will love you for all eternity,” Roy practically purred through the phone.

“Oh? Hm, I’ll have to see it to believe it,” she shrugged.

“Just wait until I get home,” he vowed.

His comment made her snort. “That’s a bit inappropriate for the work phone, isn’t it?”

“I just call it as it is,” he chuckled.

“Okay then, Mr. Love, I’ll let you get back to it. I can’t take up all the time of such a high-ranking officer.”

“You can take up all of my time any day, Riza.”

“I’m sure those in charge will love that.”

“What can I say, you’re worth it.”

The side of Riza’s mouth tugged into a smile. He was so sweet. Her love for Roy washed over her, pooling in her chest with such a warmth that she wanted him home right that second so she could see and hold him.

“What are you up to today?”

“Roy,” Riza laughed quietly, “you need to go back to work.”

“Indulge me,” he replied, but she could hear the hint of pleading in his tone. “Just this one question. I’m on a break anyway.”

Riza raised an eyebrow at his poor deflection but didn’t question it. She missed him and wanted to talk to him. “I’m supposed to be studying and doing coursework, but I’m talking to you instead. You’re making my tea cold.”

“Oh right! You have that exam coming up soon, right?”

Riza nodded. “I do. Hopefully, the little one doesn’t come before it, but to be honest, I wouldn’t mind. It would give me more time to study for it.”

“You will ace it,” Roy replied confidently. “I have every faith. Even if you didn’t study for it, you would.”

“You’re sweet.”

“And you’re smart as hell.”

“And you should be going back to work.”

“Okay,” he replied sullenly. “I’ll let you get back to your work too. Can’t have you drinking cold tea,” he quipped. “Have a good day, Riza. I love you.”

“Love you too, Roy,” she chuckled.

The phone was placed back on the wall. Letting out a breath, Riza let her relief swallow her whole. He was okay. Roy had sounded tired and strained. Something had definitely occurred through the night, but he was his regular self as they spoke. What had happened though, still remained a mystery. She was sure she’d find out when he returned home. It was enough to know that he was well.

* * *

Hayate’s ears perked up suddenly and he paused while playing with Mia. Riza lifted an eyebrow to his reaction, waiting to see what had gotten his attention. He barked once, abandoning Mia to walk towards the door of their living room.

“Hayate!” Mia called indignantly, annoyed he’d stopped playing their game.

He stopped at the threshold, barking once, at the same time there was a knock at the door.

“Hello, Edward,” Riza greeted. She was surprised to see him. He didn’t often call on them without reason, so she was already wondering what had happened for him to appear.

“Hello, Mrs. Mustang.” He cleared his throat but Riza had noticed the slight catch in his voice when he spoke.

“Would you like to come in?”

“Yes, please.”

Mia’s eyes lit up when they both walked into their living room. “Ed!” Her cry was happy and excited as she rushed over to him. “Hi!” Eyes sparkling with excitement, she looked up at their unexpected visitor.

“Hi, Mia,” Edward waved. His posture relaxed and an easy smile overtook his features, banishing the unease Riza had sensed in him upon arrival.

“It’s nice to see you again, Ed,” Riza remarked. “What can I do for you today?”

Riza caught his quick glance at Mia. Edward hesitated, pausing with his mouth open before snapping it closed again. His hands clenched into loose fists by his side and that agitation was back in his demeanor.

“Mia?” She called over to their daughter but not before giving Edward’s anxious body language another once over. “Ed and I need to discuss something privately for a little while. Would you mind going into the garden to play with Hayate so we can have some privacy?”

Edward’s eyes snapped up to Riza’s, but her attention remained on her daughter as she awaited an answer.

“Okay, Mum,” Mia replied happily, nonplussed and unaware of the tension residing in her friend. Her head cocked to the side, looking up at her mother. “Is everything okay?”

“Perfectly fine, Mia Bear,” Riza grinned. “We just have some adult things to talk about, that’s all.”

Mia shrugged and turned to look for her dog. “Come on, Hayate! Let’s go into the garden and play fetch!”

The dog’s ears perked up at the mention of the word ‘fetch’, his little tail wagging quickly as he agreed with a happy bark. They both ran for the kitchen and Riza heard their back door open and close with a slam.

“Would you like anything to drink?” Riza walked into the kitchen, reaching up to the cabinets above her head to grab a mug for herself. She sensed that whatever Edward was here to speak to her about would take a little while.

“Oh, uh…”

“Tea? Coffee? Water?”

“Coffee, please,” he replied.

“Head through to the table,” Riza directed, nodding her head towards the set of doors that led to their dining area. “Make yourself comfortable and I’ll be through in a minute.”

“Okay. Thank you, Mrs. Mustang.”

Rolling her eyes fondly, she smirked. “Just call me Riza, Ed,” she added softly.

There was a pause and he stopped walking. “Right. Sorry,” he apologised sheepishly.

“No harm done,” Riza reassured. “Mrs. Mustang is my mother-in-law, not me.” She laughed quietly to herself when she remembered the same conversation she’d had with Winry and Mia not too long ago.

“So, Edward,” Riza announced, pulling out a chair across from the young alchemist. “What can I do for you?”

Movement from Riza’s right caught her eye. She saw Mia run by the window of their kitchen. If this conversation was not for her ears, at least they’d be able to tell if she came back into the house. Anticipation had been itching at Riza as she prepared their hot drinks, desperate to know what had caused such visible discomfort and apprehension in Edward.

“Have you heard the most recent news? From Central?”

“No…” Anticipation was replaced with trepidation. “What’s happened?”

“The Colonel hasn’t told you yet?” He blinked at her, completely thrown off that Roy hadn’t shared this big news. Disapproval flooded his expression, tugging his eyebrows into a deep frown.

“He left late last night to go to Central Command,” Riza explained, stirring her tea calmly and removing the tea bag to place it on a tea plate she’d provided for herself. “He didn’t come home either.”

“Oh.” Edward’s eyes widened with what looked like realisation, then his shoulders slumped. His disapproval quickly faded.

“I’ve spoken to him since then, but something tells me this ‘big news’ probably wasn’t safe to share over a military phone that may or may not be being monitored.” Riza watched for his reaction. Edward’s shoulders stiffened at her calm but firm tone. “Am I correct?”

“Yeah, that’s actually… That was a smart move.” He looked like he’d been scolded, and his agreement was mumbled, like it was such an effort for him to agree that Roy was right on something. Riza ignored it. Whatever was going on was so much bigger than all of them and she was more interested in the sudden, apparently very big, development.

“I’m sure whatever Roy needs me to know, he’ll tell me,” Riza added. “We’ve both been through this together from the start and I don’t anticipate him keeping anything from me now. We’ve been through too much for him to stop now.” Riza forced the image of the scars on his abdomen from her mind.

“I – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate he would –”

Riza waved off his apology. “It’s all right, Edward.”

“Wait. From the start…” His head cocked to the side and Riza watched him silently as he considered something. Taking a sip of her tea, she watched as his eyes widened. “Wait. Given Mia’s age you… You were with him when he was in Ishval?”

So, he’d given it some thought and finally put two and two together.

Riza nodded. “I fell pregnant before he left. Mia was born just before he returned.”

Edward paled as another realisation dawned on him after hearing her statement.

“Roy didn’t want to leave, but obviously he had no other choice but to go with the military.”

“He didn’t have to leave you both,” Edward interjected, appalled when there was no need to be. “He could have stayed!”

Riza took note of the way he spoke. Ed was bordering on being angry at Roy on her behalf. It was a stark reminder of just how young he was. While being hailed as a child prodigy he’d been built up to think he was incredibly intelligent and knowledgeable. And Edward Elric was, Riza didn’t doubt that and wouldn’t take it away from him, but his views on the world were so naïve. She smirked to herself sadly remembering how Roy had proposed his dream to her after her father’s death. They had all been naïve when they were that young, but that didn’t mean Edward had to follow in the footsteps of their mistakes.

“You and I both know it’s not that simple, Ed, and it never will be. Especially after enlisting in the military. They own you,” she added, nodding at him, “and they owned Roy too. Wherever they call to, he would have to follow. Same as you.”

“It’s not like that,” he protested. “Al and I get free reign of the country. We’re not stuck in headquarters.”

“Because Roy makes sure you get the freedom you need,” Riza replied. “I don’t know the exact ins and outs of it, but he fought for you to become his subordinate before you joined so that you could.”

Edward paused, sitting back in his chair in surprise. “He did?”

Riza nodded. “He knew that if your secret got out you’d probably be taken away and interviewed relentlessly about your ability to go through the gate, especially so young. Alphonse would’ve been removed from your side to be studied. A soul being bonded to a suit of armour is a very interesting and curious set of circumstances, especially for the military.”

His body jerked in surprise, looking affronted. “How do you know about Al and I?”

“I told you when we first met I’d already heard all about you. I meant it.”

“It was supposed to be a secret,” Edward scowled.

“Would you trust the person you loved with information such as this? Would you trust Winry with it?”

Edward almost choked on his coffee. He coughed and spluttered, his cheeks heating up, while Riza raised an eyebrow knowingly at his knee jerk reaction.

“I, um, me – I mean, Winry and I – It’s not –”

“Okay,” Riza relented, holding a hand up in surrender. The poor boy would probably have an aneurysm if she continued to push further, but she did hide her smile behind her mug as she took a sip of her tea. He definitely loved her.

“I mean…” He sighed, his face still beetroot red and he refused to meet her eyes. “I see your point,” Edward mumbled.

“Anyway, he couldn’t stay, no matter how much he wanted to,” Riza continued smoothly, going back to their previous conversation. “He had a duty to his country, and he was called up to war.”

“So he was definitely in Ishval,” Edward muttered to himself in grim wonder, sounding glad that piece of information had finally been confirmed for him. However, he stiffened, as if not realising he’d spoken aloud. “Sorry, never mind,” Edward added hurriedly, waving his hands in front of him. “Forget I said that if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t mind talking about it, Edward,” Riza reassured him gently. “It’s a part of our history, after all, and needs to be remembered and discussed. Roy was in Ishval,” Riza confirmed. “As a State Alchemist.”

Edward’s face said it all. It fell, and his mouth hung open. So, he knew enough about the war to have been able to figure some of it out for himself. “Wait, as a State Alchemist? Not just as a soldier?”

“He was a State Alchemist, yes.”

Edward paled further.

“Make no mistake, Edward, Ishval was an extermination campaign, not a war. When Roy returned his eyes had been opened in a painful way. But he bore that suffering, and continues to do so, ensuring people like you in the next generation would never need to. We worked through the aftermath together but it’s still hard.” Riza absentmindedly stared down at the brown liquid in her mug. “The nightmares never really go away. And I helped put him on that path,” Riza added sombrely. “I have responsibility in it too and want to see him succeed in his plans.”

“What do you mean, you have a responsibility?” His voice was incredibly quiet, a far cry from the Edward Elric she was used to. Even the skin of his face had taken on a greenish tinge. Still, he needed to know. He was military and working with Roy against those who’d caused it all. He had a right to know the extent of what he was fighting for.

But he couldn’t know about the tattoo. No one could. Riza shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Know that I did have a part in his course of action though and I want him to see it through to the end, so the military can be removed from power and democracy can take its place.” Her fingers tightened on the mug, knowing what that course of action entailed.

“Democracy?”

“That’s the only way the nation will change. Once he becomes Fuhrer he’ll devolve all power into parliament, replacing the Fuhrer with a Prime Minister. Then, those who committed war crimes in Ishval can be punished, such as the State Alchemists.” The heat from her tea was burning the tips of her fingers, but Riza still didn’t move them.

“But… The Colonel being a State Alchemist in the war means –”

Edward hadn’t really expected to reach that conclusion from this conversation, Riza knew that much. He may have had an inkling it was coming, but it was likely he didn’t want to accept. And why should a teenager want to accept such things? But that was the way of their world and the progress that came from their past actions. Roy wanted to atone for his sins from Ishval and while the thought of losing him completely terrified and rocked Riza to her core, there was no use in fighting it. He bore that suffering so no one else could in the future. It was his decision and she’d support it. She’d never take that away from him, no matter how much her mind screamed and begged her to reconsider, or how her heart rate kicked up erratically and the thought left her gasping for air in a panic. Roy would be executed for his crimes and there was nothing Riza could do to stop that course if that’s what the people called for. It wouldn’t be fair to the Ishvalans who’d been targeted and lost their lives. She’d known this for years but was still difficult to accept when it was brought up. Not that Riza ever really thought of it, but it was a constant crushing weight that lay in the back of her mind, hidden just out of sight. However, she’d learned to live with it, somewhat. That was the price of her giving him the secrets to flame alchemy and inadvertently causing such a catastrophe as Ishval to occur.

Riza just stared at Edward, unmoving and unflinching as he came to terms with her answer. She hated to do it to him, but she wouldn’t lie. Not about this.

“He’ll – He’ll be executed!”

“I know, Ed.” It hurt even more to hear it voiced aloud.

“And… You’re okay with that?” His cry was out of denial and disbelief and Riza tried not to let it get to her too much, but anger flared inside of her like a beast.

“How can you ask me that?” Her tone was cold, but her expression was almost unchanging. She narrowed her eyes at Edward only slightly, but dangerously. She couldn’t help it.

“But – But – Mia! And… And your new baby!”

“I’m well aware, Edward,” Riza repeated, trying to remain calm. Her heart rate was gearing up again, her skin breaking out in a sweat as she tried not to let the panic consume her. “So is Roy. Ultimately, we won’t know what will happen in the end,” she swallowed, “but if that’s what the people call for due to his past actions, then that’s what he will give. Roy feels he needs to atone for his past sins and I would never take that away from him.”

Riza cleared her throat and forced her swallow past the lump in there. Thinking of their children, so innocent and unaware of what may eventually befall their father, almost killed Riza, but she and Roy would work through it together. They’d explain everything to them when they were old enough about what happened in Ishval and the possible outcome of their plan. They wouldn’t hide from it.

“But don’t think for a second we haven’t considered our children and family.” Riza’s tone changed, her voice becoming stronger. “Believe me, Edward, we’ve been discussing this for years and it never gets any easier to deal with. Especially not right now.”

Edward sat back in his chair, dumbfounded. Nothing was said for a few moments and Riza continued to mentally calm herself down as he processed this new information. A quiet sigh left her, finally letting go of the flare of anger she’d felt towards him briefly before.

He’s just young, Riza reminded herself.

“Hey,” a tired voice announced suddenly, cutting off any further conversation they may have. For a second, Riza thought it was Mia and her eyes instinctively moved to the kitchen window, however she was still playing happily with Hayate outside. “I’m home!”

Rising from her chair, Riza left Edward in their dining room to greet her husband. He was home earlier than he promised. It was just past five o’clock. As she approached, Riza watched as he shrugged out of his military jacket and tossed it carelessly onto the floor by the door. Riza felt a similar disposition towards the military in that moment after her conversation with Edward. The top two buttons of Roy’s shirt were popped open, the collar spread so she could see his chest. A tired but happy smile spread across Roy’s features as he opened his arms. Stepping into them, Riza hugged him tightly, glad he was finally home. She needed his comfort after that heavy talk, and reminder that he wasn’t gone from her side yet.

“I missed you,” he whispered quietly into her hair.

Riza gave him a tight squeeze, letting him know she felt the same way. “I’m glad you’re home.”

“I was kept in a meeting with Bradley all night so couldn’t come home before I was due in for work.”

“That’s okay,” she reassured, pulling away and pressing a hand to his cheek. “You’re home now. And we have a guest.”

His fingers tightened their grip on her protectively as his eyes shot up and looked away, down the hall. After their last surprise visitor, Riza didn’t blame him for his reaction.

“Oh?” Roy’s question was nonchalant, but his grip tightened still.

“Edward Elric came by to say hello.”

Roy’s shoulders slumped and his hands hung loose on her waist. “Oh.”

“He wanted to talk,” Riza added, shooting him a pointed look. “And we discussed our future plans.”

Roy nodded in acceptance.

“So, sorry. Dinner hasn’t even been started yet.”

Roy tutted and rolled his eyes playfully while Riza just nudged him.

“At least I can fend Hayate off from it myself tonight,” he joked, giving her a quick kiss and another tight hug.

“Good evening, Fullmetal,” Roy greeted, walking into their dining room where he was still sitting, gripping his coffee cup tightly.

“Colonel,” Edward nodded.

“Did you come to steal my thunder and share my news before me?”

Edward glowered at Roy. Riza nudged his side with her elbow.

“Don’t be such a child,” she scolded. “He came by for a chat. And it’s always nice for friends to stop by,” she smiled at Edward, trying to channel that he shouldn’t feel bad for his outburst during their future plans. They’d both gotten a little worked up. He still looked slightly nervous and regretful. “And once you’ve finished acting like a child,” she added, turning to Roy and pointing over his shoulder, “you can go outside and say hello to our own. She missed you this morning too.”

Riza went to pull away from his hold, but Roy didn’t let her move far. He bent his head down, kissing her cheek. “Okay, I’ll go and see her now.”

“We never got as far as your ‘big news’ though,” Riza added, “but you’ve both succeeded in making me incredibly curious.”

“I’ll explain everything when I come back,” Roy promised. “It’s…” He grimaced. “Well, it’s certainly something.”

“Take your time with Mia,” Riza smiled, patting his shoulder twice.

“Mia?” Roy called into their garden, stepping outside into the afternoon sun’s low rays.

A loud gasp reached Riza’s ears before the door clicked shut quietly. “Dad!”

Through the window, Riza saw Mia race by and throw herself into her father’s arms as Hayate barked happily by their sides, his tail wagging and tongue lolling in greeting.

“I should probably get going,” Edward announced. “I don’t want to take up more of your evening.”

Riza shook her head. “I’m always open to visits from a friend, Edward. Don’t worry about him,” she jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “He gets snarky when he’s tired.”

Edward coughed, trying to hide his laugh.

“Although, something tells me you’ve noticed that already,” Riza grinned.

He didn’t answer for a beat. “Maybe once or twice,” he admitted quietly.

“He respects you, Edward. Despite being sharp with you. I do too. You’re working so hard towards your goal, but please…” Riza paused for a second, thinking of a way to word her thoughts correctly. “You’re still young. Rest when you need to. And talk to someone if you feel overwhelmed by everything.”

“I will,” he promised.

“And I’m sure Winry will appreciate a call every once in a while too. She worries and cares about you a lot.” His cheeks reddened, just like they’d done before. “She would love to hear from you and know you’re safe.”

“Yeah,” Edward coughed, cheeks still red. “Yeah,” he repeated, sounding defeated, “I need to be better at that.”

“Just one phone call every now and then can go a long way. Believe me.”

“Okay.” Edward nodded, his spine straightening as he squared his shoulders. “Thank you for talking with me about everything too. I really appreciate it. I’m sorry for my outbursts,” he added sheepishly.

“Not a problem, Edward. Take some time to process everything. I know that was a lot. And whatever is going on, you and Alphonse can always call on us to help,” Riza reminded. “Winry too.”

“Thank you, Riza.”

* * *

“So…” Riza swallowed thickly, processing what Roy had announced to her. “They’re all gone?” She fell back, coming to rest on the couch cushions behind her, stunned.

Roy nodded slowly. The movement was controlled. His shoulders held a lot of tension as he leaned forward. His hands, clenched together, covered his mouth while his elbows rested on his knees.

“Falman to the north, Breda to the west, Fuery to the south,” Roy repeated. His torso expanded with a sigh, which was let out loudly around his fists. “Havoc’s moving back east to live with his family. He’s leaving the military.”

She expected this move would happen for Havoc, but to have the other three ripped from him as well… Now there was no one Roy trusted implicitly inside his office.

“I’m sorry, Roy.”

He shrugged, but she saw the helpless look in his eyes. “It is what it is.”

“It’s shit. That’s what it is.”

Roy snorted then coughed. “Yes,” he agreed with a chuckle. Straightening, Roy wrapped his arm around her back and laid his head against her shoulder. “Yes, it is.”

Lifting her hand, she ran her fingers through his dark hair. Going against the grain, she lifted the strands from the back of his head so they spilled in between her fingers, carpeting the back of her hand with a gentle softness and warmth. Roy hummed quietly underneath her, appreciative.

“We’ll get through this,” Riza whispered. “We always do.”

“I’m just worried about anything further happening,” Roy admitted. The arm around her back tightened its grip.

“Do you have any reason to?”

His body tensed. “You came up in the meeting with Bradley. He insinuated what he could do if I didn't comply.”

Her hand stilled in his hair.

“Please don’t stop,” Roy whispered with a hitch in his voice.

Recovering from another shock, her head turned and looked down at him, but Roy didn’t move. His weight grew heavier against the side of her body. Riza restarted moving her hand through his hair with what she hoped were gentle and soothing movements. He needed them right now.

“What was insinuated?” Riza swallowed. She didn’t really want to know but her morbid curiosity got the better of her.

“Well. The worst thing imaginable.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

So, she’d most likely be killed.

“I’m so sorry.” Roy’s voice was husky, and a hand lifted to press protectively over her stomach. “I didn’t intend for this to happen.”

“Roy, nothing’s happened,” she reminded him gently.

“Yes, but it could. And it was me that put you in harm’s way.”

“I signed up for this remember.” Riza pulled away from him. Grasping his shoulders, she righted his body so he was straight. Staring into his dark, shining eyes, Riza cupped his cheeks firmly in her hands. “I knew from the start it wouldn’t be plain sailing. We both did. And we’re both committed to it. Do they have any reason to harm you?”

Roy shook his head best he could in her grip. “No. I’m important to them for whatever reason.”

“Okay.” That was a big relief to her. “So, as long as you play by their rules, we have nothing to fear?”

“I did that once before.” Something flashed in his eyes as he remembered Ishval. That cut off her feeling of relief immediately. Dread took its place, clawing at her insides relentlessly. “And I don’t want to have to do it again.”

“I don’t want you to either.” She didn’t know what else to say to that. He was stuck. They’d taken his team hostage as well as her, in a way. Her discomfort returned tenfold.

Roy looked like he needed it, so Riza drew him into a tight side hug. His hands clutched at her blouse, forming fists to scrunch up the material. One of her hands gripped his shoulder tightly while the other returned to his hair, running her hands gently through it.

“At least we still have each other,” Riza reasoned, going over everything inside her head. “At least we’re still together. They haven’t moved us apart. And we have our family and our health.”

“If they tried to keep us apart then I really would tell a homunculus where to shove it,” Roy muttered into the crook of her neck.

Chuckling, Riza smoothed down his hair, giving it a pat. “That would be a stupid move.”

“Satisfying, though,” he mumbled petulantly.

“Very satisfying,” Riza agreed. “I’ll support that.”

Roy heaved a sigh, his breath heating up the skin of her neck. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

His grip on her shifted, his hands relaxing from their fists. “You’re always such a calming force for me.”

“I’m happy to help,” she smiled. “Always. Anything for you.”

“I thought I was in real trouble when I was talking to Bradley. I really did. Then after it… Everyone had received their transfer papers while I was in the meeting. Fullmetal and Alphonse were there too. I’m surprised Bradley didn’t remove them, but he didn’t seem to care about their mission of getting their bodies back.”

Riza nodded. “What happened after the meeting?”

“I wanted to call, but I knew you’d be getting Mia ready for school. It killed me not to let you know I was okay. But I just wanted to say that our phone call helped a lot.”

“Good.” That made Riza ecstatic to hear.

“You can probably expect more of them from now on,” he smiled, finally pulling away from her. “If my phone is being monitored then I want them to be bored out of their mind listening to me profess my love for you,” he winked playfully.

“You sound exactly like Maes,” Riza smiled, a pang of sadness going through her heart.

“Then I learned from the best,” Roy grinned.

The phone rang loudly and suddenly, interrupting their moment. Regrettably, she moved away from Roy’s side and walked through to the hall, picking it up to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Riza!” Rebecca Catalina called cheerily down the phone. “I’m coming to town this weekend. What would you say to us having a girl’s night out?”

It was eerie how well this phone call had been timed. Riza relaxed her shoulders as her friend proposed what honestly sounded like a fantastic idea after a stressful start to the week.

“Rebecca, you read my mind.”

Roy came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pecking her cheek. He didn’t move, just remained there, holding her tightly. Riza appreciated the comfort he brought with him and leaned back into his embrace, savouring the feeling after her long night and day without him.

“Fantastic,” Rebecca cried, “because I am desperate for one. Especially after the juicy gossip I just heard, straight from Central Command!”

#royai #royai fic #royai fanfic #royai au #the way it was #emma writes

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healer-777-blog · 3 years

Text

The virus begins in our consciousness

First a short introduction to the philosophical basis of the system of healing (Body-Mirror System) I work with.

Introduction made with the words of his creator Martin Brofman:

„These basis are found in a number of different belief systems and esoteric teachings. For example, the map of the body/mind interface comes from the Hindu system using the chakras. Putting it into practice while listening to your moment-to-moment inner direction is in keeping with Taoist philosophies. The ideas are simple and represent what we consider neutral spiritual truths:

1. Everything begins in our consciousness. We decide what to think and what to feel, in response to what is happening around us. When we choose to make a decision that results in stress, and the tension reaches a certain level of intensity, we create a symptom. Everything happening in our life, then, and everything happening in our body, is the result of what we are doing in our consciousness. If we want something to happen differently for us, we have to change our way of thinking. We take responsibility for our thoughts and actions, and their effects. Then, we're able to do something about it.

2. There is a way of being associated with every symptom. And thus, there is a Covid personality. If we want to release a symptom, we must release the way of being that created it. In this way we return to our natural way of being, that state of consciousness always available to us, in which we are healthy. The process of healing implies a process of transformation.

3. Tension in a particular part of the body reflects tension in a particular part of the consciousness about something in particular. This allows us to read the body as a map of the consciousness within, in order to understand the inner cause to the outer symptom. A key to understanding this map is found in the Eastern concept of the chakras, energy centers which each relate to a particular part of the body and a particular part of the consciousness.

4. We are each an energy system. Energy flows through our being and is directed by our consciousness. When we block the flow of this energy, the result is a symptom. All symptoms are just blocked energy. Because we have the ability to direct the energy, we have the ability to unblock the energy wherever it has been blocked, in ourselves or in others. When we do that, the effect is a return to the experience of wholeness.

5. For each of us, our perceptions create our reality. This is true of both the healer and the healee. Thus, the act of healing is one of co-creation, and is the result of the interaction between the two. Elements of this interaction can be quantified and optimized so that the healing has the best possibility for happening.

6. Anything can be healed “

There are a lot of points of view in the society. This point of view puts you in the driver seat in your consciousness. You stop to see yourself as a victim of your environment and if something is not functioning the way you want in your body or in your life, you are able to change something inside yourself and you can come back to a state of health and balance in your body and in your life.

It’s a point of view different from the “common” one, where the causes and effects are outside. From the medical point of view, they say that such a virus creates a certain kind of illness or such an accident creates a certain kind of injury. From our point of view, we say “Yes, it’s true that viruses cause illnesses or accidents create injuries, but only when the conditions are met in the consciousness. Viruses are everywhere. Why a person attracts the virus and the other close to them not, the difference is about what they each do in their consciousness.

Spiritual teachers tell us that the moment we change our deepest thoughts about our body, our body changes immediately. Most people do not believe in this body-mind relationship, or if they do, they feel unable to change their deepest thoughts at will and cannot see the manifestation of their thoughts in the physical world. Without this clear confirmation of an inner cause to an outer effect, most people consider this concept unfounded or beyond them.

But, when you do some research, you can see the power of thought at work. First time I heard about it was in a seminar with Martin Brofman, he was talking about people having multiple personalities and one personality had a symptom, diabetes, and when the personality was changing, immediately the diabetes disappeared. Another was nearsighted and with the change of personality, she could see straight away normally. Some had different eyes colors depending on the personality that was present. There are many books on the subject and a lot of studies by psychiatrists and psychologists.

It means these people are changing their atoms instantaneously. But most people have the program that the physical body only changes slowly and don’t allow themselves to see the cause-and-effect relationship between thought and physical change.

If there is a virus in the physical reality and triggering on people symptoms, it means the cause of the virus is inside, in their consciousness. Difficult for a lot of people to accept this point of view, most people prefer to see themselves as victims, instead of seeing themselves as creators of their own reality. But the creation doesn’t begin at a certain age and doesn’t end at a certain age. When we are a consciousness in our physical body, we create and when we leave our physical body, we are still a consciousness creating.

So, the virus is only a mirror of what is happening inside. We have a lot of viruses in our consciousness, look at the greed, the anger, the jealousy, the guilt, the pettiness, the manipulation, and so on, creating bugs and making our body sick when there are too many viruses or only one big virus creating a breakdown of all the system. The consciousness is like a computer, and in a computer, when we don’t clean the system and don’t protect it from the outer attacks, we will spend time and money to bring it back to a state of working or the computer becomes out of function.

So, time to look at what’ s happening in our consciousness creating these viruses and bugs. And first we should look at the way we treat ourselves. How we love ourselves, how we accept our past, how much we are able to live in the present, and look forward to the future with a positive sense of expectancy. How much we feel the love each day for the persons close to our heart and extending this love to others. Do we feel tensions, resistances?... time to handle them and release them. Otherwise, if we say to ourselves, I have some time, I will take care of that later, if I do that with my computer, maybe the next day, I have difficulties to start it or in the middle of an email, my computer crashes. And I feel even worse than the previous day, feeling angry about the computer and I talk to myself “If I knew, I would have cleaned it yesterday. Too late. Now I get more work to do. “

Life is about flow or resistance. With flow, things work. With resistance, things have a tendency to not work. Now we experience resistances. Resistances to go where we want without a test, a mask and most people experience fear. If you really want to change the scenario, you need to recognize the cause is inside, in your consciousness and the effects are outside, producing the actual chaos and more you are trapped emotionally in the outer scenario, more you add chaos into it.

You can choose to find the solution outside, through the respect of physical distance, wearing mask, not touching, not kissing, not hugging, not meeting your close family and get vaccinated. It implies a lot of control, look at what’s happening now, in some countries you need an authorization to go out, there is a curfew, and lockdown, you are not able to travel as you would like, in other countries, you need a vaccine to enter or a QR code to go to bars and restaurants, or a health pass. Such control can bring chaos. It’s what’s happening with someone experiencing mental breakdown. It can feel as though the world has come to an end. More they try to control, more it goes out of control until they should accept the situation as it is and move to acceptance, compassion, the level of the heart chakra.

Now, because a lot of different controls are imposed, things have a tendency to go out of control, demonstrations, rallies, people fed up with the rules, and on the other side, people accused those who don’t respect the rules to be egoist, to spread the virus and so on and it doesn’t happen in a soft way, there is anger, aggressivity and violence. Do we want to continue this way? Or do we recognize ourselves as creators and see this situation as part of our evolution? We have the choice, as always.

We are in this physical existence to learn and understand that our energy translated into beliefs, thoughts and emotions, causes all our experiences and learn how to relate to each other and learn about communication. There are no exceptions. Most people can continue to resist to the changes, it will happen anyway, one way or the other. If most people resist as now, continuing to put their attention outside, motivated by fear, living under control, controlling themselves and wanting to control the others, the change will happen in a strong way; if more and more people become conscious and make some steps for changing their way of thinking and raise their perceptions to the heart, the change will be softer, but there will be a change. The only constant in the universe is the change.

It’s very clear now that we go through a global transformation at the level of the planetary consciousness. Because this planetary consciousness is composed of all the individual consciousness, we can look at what happens in an individual consciousness during the process of evolution to understand the evolution of the group consciousness. And we can have an understanding about what is happening in the different parts of a country, different towns in relation with what is happening in the group consciousness of the country, of the town, the area, and so on.

We experience a strong solar plexus energy, and from this level of consciousness, we experience separation. We can see now two strong separated energies between people believing everything that is said and following every rule and people who are rejecting the direction given and not following the rules. It’s a co creation and the only solution is for both to raise their perceptions to the heart chakra, it’s an inevitable evolutionary process.

And some people being vaccinated have effects of the vaccination: tiredness, thrombosis, other symptoms and even death. Once again, the point of view we look at it is that everything begins in the consciousness. Why these specific persons attract this experience? We look at what was happening in their life at the time they got the effects of the vaccine and why a person's Spirit leads him or her to this or that experience. If a person is in harmony in their consciousness, they can be vaccinated and have no adverse reactions.

As Gurdjieff was saying « Everything is dependent on everything else, everything is connected, nothing is separate. Therefore, everything is going in the only way it can go. If people were different, everything would be different. They are what they are, so everything is as it is. “

Now, everybody has a choice, we can decide to put the responsibility outside ourselves and blame the people who lead the country. But it will bring only separation, aggressivity, violence and you will only spread seeds of war that will come back to you multiplied many times.

If we have this situation right now, it’s the manifestation of our long story. The tendency we have as individual to think and decide that in order to be right, the others must be wrong. It’s a limitation placed on you, and you must be aware of it and recognized it as something needing to be healed.

For example, by deciding the society you live is poor, and likely to remain so, you energize the symptom, rather than the healing. And people with this idea in their consciousness plan, poverty is maintaining as the natural state. Where attention goes, energy flows. It should bring your attention to the perceptions you choose, the words you use, the interactions you make and do what you need to do to stay in balance whatever is happening around you and stop to harm the others with your words, your judgement, and do to the others what you would like they do for you.

We have the possibility to create more easily the separation, as we look through the three first levels of our consciousness, the three first chakras, physical, emotional and mental levels. What the western psychology calls the conscious. And most people continue to move only between these three levels and, in fact, they don’t see the world as it is, they see the world as they are, they are lost in the mirroring aspects of their own being.

Through these three levels, we feel separated – me here in my space and the others outside – and to make the contact with the outer world, you need to do something, to act, it’s a Yang energy. We have come to a point where we see only through the eyes of profit: taking everything from the earth and violating the rights of people living in a specific location and so, we create more racism, more hate, more separation, all of this is energy we send outside and now it comes back multiplied to us. We destroy the biodiversity, not respecting the other species, killing billions of living beings.

Volcanos are waking up, fire is solar plexus energy and as Yogananda was saying „The good and bad karmic conditions created by man determine and influence the climate, affecting the wind and the ocean to the very structure of the Earth, sometimes causing earthquakes. All the hatred, anger, evil that we send into the world, and the anguish and violence they cause - all disrupt the magnetic field of the Earth as parasites in the Ether.”

Beside these upheavals with the virus, there are these other strong manifestations like floods in Germany, Netherlands, Belgium mainly, some places in East of France, fires in Canada since weeks, Japan with a mud tsunami and a lot of events showing that our group consciousness is out of balance, so much that it affects the physical reality more and more in a destroying way.

In India, they have experienced to be short with oxygen for hospitals and the numbers of cases is rising. We are all concerned with the element air now, more or less strongly, again depending on the group consciousness tensions at the level of the heart chakra. People getting the covid have difficulty to breath, and masks are almost everywhere mandatory, so we create more difficulty to breath, we have attracted a situation in which governments - from the physical point of view - decide we must keep distance, no touch, no hug – all of this in relation with the heart chakra -

And when we look at what was happening in India, it’s not a surprise when you see the tensions created there: pollution, extreme poverty, religious extremism, corruption, a lot of ego, a lot of judgment, hate, anger, so unconditional love is not what most people experience. Therefore, the group consciousness attracts a hard experience.

All this situation is reflecting a difficulty to raise our perceptions to the heart.

What do we need for a wake-up call? A stronger one to understand what we need to change?

Fear is the star in this scenario.

I was a train driver and there are rules to follow, if you don’t do that, you are a threat for the others and for yourself. For example, there are speed limits and lights and as train driver, you respect them scrupulously. If you don’t do that, you can create a serious situation and you are no more allowed to drive a train, you should pass again through psychological and medical tests, and if you succeed, you could be allowed again.

On the road, most people don’t respect the speed limit, now there are more and more radars, more control.

The same with the belt, it’s mandatory since some years and you trigger a sound if you don’t put it, more control.

The same with the mobile phone, because people are messaging or talking when driving, more control.

Now facial recognition is starting to be implemented, even more control.

When I was a child, I learn to ride a bicycle without a helmet, now since some years, a lot of people are biking with a helmet, it became a new habit and a business. And people are telling you, it’s dangerous if you fall on your head and also there is more traffic than before, so you should protect yourself. With our beliefs and programs based on fear, even if people think it’s for their security, we create in fact more control in our life.

Fear, guilt, anger are now the motivating forces of many individuals, governments and mainstream medias. Each one of them participates in the propagation of this type of energy and we arrive at a society of permanent control.

So, how to heal the symptom?

As a healer, you never focus on a symptom, because where your attention goes, energy flows and you would give more energy to the symptom. You focus on the place where the person is whole, experiencing integrity. And you bring this integrity again to the densest level of energy, the physical. And it’s better to stop to put a word on a symptom. In a world of energy, we speak about an energy being in a state of flow or a resistance to the flow of energy. For example, if a person is experiencing what they call a headache in the physical, they need to find an outer solution to get rid of the headache. Now in the reality of healing, we would ask the person to describe what they feel in terms of energy – „oh, I feel it as a pressure inside “– So, we can work with the pressure and remove it easily with an imaginary pressure valve. The person feels the release and what they call a headache is gone. There is no way to explain that in terms of the physical laws –chemistry, biology, physics – but we don’t work with these laws, we work in a different reality in which energy behaves differently. We don’t break the physicals laws, they exist in the physical reality, we just work with other laws, but the result is we were able to release a headache.

Any symptom is only a blocked energy or a resistance to the flow of energy. So, when we look at the situation now, it’s reflecting a blocked energy, and we need to look behind the physical, to get in touch with our inner being, to work on ourselves, to love ourselves, to feel this unity in ourselves and feel the energy of unity with everybody.

Ask yourself how much of your day you are able to spend without judging you, judging the others and if you feel you’re doing that, change and raise your perceptions again at the level of your heart chakra. Feel the love for yourself and release the resistances you have with the other, feel the compassion, accept the other as they are. They are also on their paths, learning as you do. Do not allow the temptation to argue against their beliefs or explain that they have been duped. When you do that, you reinforce in fact their beliefs. Feel the compassion and understand they feel scared, or angry, or confused.

Don’t judge. Otherwise, you give power to the energy of control and separation. We are going through a passage, it’s like an initiation, a purification ritual, moving from a level of consciousness in which we are experiencing control, lack of power, fear, separation to another level of consciousness in which we can feel our love united with the love of others, no longer me as an individual and the others outside, but a sense of belonging to the same space together, a sense of feeling included and taking care of one another. You are no more controlled by the energy of separation but you are in the energy of doing things for the benefit of humanity and a sense of building something together.

As John Lennon was saying years ago « you may say I am a dreamer but I am not the only one » and in fact we are each a dreamer, and even if more and more people start to wake up, still a lot more are dreaming unconsciously, their dreams is a nightmare where they are the oppressors or the victims and are unable to do something about the situation they experience.

Never let the fear decide your future.

« Ignorance breeds fear, fear breeds superstition, superstition leads to blind faith, blindness makes one’s conscience void. And that makes all sense void. That man is a mental slave. Be wise not ignorant. “Buddha

As human beings it’s our responsibility to water the seeds of mindfulness, compassion, acceptance that they can grow and blossom. If you continue to water the other seeds like anger, greed, jealousy, separation, the world will continue to go in the direction you give this kind of energy.

Stop to add thoughts to your thoughts, stop the thoughts from rising. Become a pool of silence. If you want to change the situation outside, awaken all of yourself. Stop to walk in a societal trance, walk consciously each moment. Be conscious of the dream you are dreaming, don’t get caught in « Maya », the illusion of the physical reality.

We are on a path where allopathic medicine and spiritual healing will meet and work together for the good of humanity. Body and mind are not separated and this interaction needs to be recognized and amplified in the approach of allopathic medicine. Acceptance of each other's point of view is the starting point for communication that will bring the best solutions to heal the symptoms that affects all living beings.

„Open your heart. Look inside. See the light. Accept your individuality and the individuality of others. Acceptance is love. And love heals. » Martin Brofman

©Philippe Hannetelle July 2021

Books:

Paramahansa Yogananda – Autobiography of a yogi

Pierre Besson – Man or God

Martin Brofman – Anything can be healed

From the teachings of Sri Yukteswar and Paramahansa Yogananda – The Yugas

Neville Godard – The power of consciousness

Michael Talbot – The universe is a hologram

Pr Roger D. Nelson – Connected: The Emergence of Global Consciousness

#brofmanfoundation energy mind spirit healing harmony unity chakra

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give-baek-my-love · 4 years

Text

Can We Try Again? (1)

Characters: Namjoon X Y/N (ft. Jin)

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Chapter: 1,

Description: After ten years since your broke up with your first boyfriend, Namjoon, you meet him again ten years later, and as you are on the search the answer to the iconic question ‘Can exes stay friends?’ you find yourself constantly questioning whether or not you did the right thing ten years ago. On top of that, you’re now faced with a new question, ‘Can we try again?’

“Can exes stay friends?” Now that’s a very controversial question that you’ve seen many people on the internet debate on. “It depends. If both of them have moved on, then staying as friends seems doable.” One side would argue. “No. How can you just lose feelings for someone that you once loved and be able to act like friends again? Impossible. You’ll always carry some sort of feelings towards them which will make it impossible to simply see the other as ‘just friends.’’ The other side would argue. Both sides presenting very reasonable and logical explanations, but when the same question is asked your answer is…

(10 Years Ago) Your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, Namjoon, and you were seated side by side on the swing sets at your middle school playground. By ‘soon-to-be,’ this is because he was just notified today that he was accepted into the prestigious IB program that he had so badly wanted to get into. Although the white lie ‘we can try to make long distance work,’ could have sufficed the heartache that started building from within the moment that he told you the news, you knew deep down, that this relationship would have to come to an end. You had heard about how tiresome and intense this program was, and you knew that for him find the time to talk and meet up with you would be close to impossible. This was going to be it. “Do you think that exes can be friends?” He asked as he stared down at his feet, struggling to find the willpower to look at you. You debated on lying to him, but seeing that the two of you had known each other for such a long time, he would have seen right through you. “No. I don’t think so.” You said as calmly as you could while turning to meet his sadden eyes. Although you were only at the age of fourteen, you had met your boyfriend at 8 years old and had instantly fallen in love with him, or at least felt what seemed like the love that Disney princesses felt in movies. Your heart broke as you saw his eyebrows furrow with pain followed by a pout on his face. Even though you knew that this break up was inevitable, no amount of prep talk that you’ve been doing could have made this day any easier. “Do you?” You asked in the calmest voice possible while gripping onto the metal straps of the swing tightly, hopelessly hoping that it would help you suppress any amount of pain that you were feeling. The two of you sat in complete silence as the sound of the little kindergarteners playing in the park were in the background. “We can still be friends.” He finally said, in the softest and gentlest voice that you’ve ever heard. Those words instantly sent tears down your face because you knew. This was it. The break up was going to happen. You were going to have to say goodbye to your best friend and first love, and there was nothing that you could do that would stop it. You simply just had to accept it. The sound of you sobbing were like nails on a chalkboard, painful and uncomfortable. He quickly got off the swing, and crouched down in front of you so that he was now at eye level with you. “Hey. It’s okay.” He comforted, pulling your hands from the metal ropes and onto your lap with his hands enveloping yours. You wished that you could say something, but nothing but tears and sobs could come out. You were guessing that the children had left the park after hearing you cry because you could no longer hear their squeals or feet stomping on the park, rather all that you could hear was him repeatedly saying that it was going to be okay while he occasionally wiped your tears away. Finally, the tears came to an end and you stared blankly at his face, hoping to take in all his facial features and admire the face of the boy that you fell so deeply in love with for as long as you possibly can. He stared at you with a sweet smile and a fond tender look in his eyes that for even just a minute made your worries disappear. A unique power that only he could have on you. Hoping to break the saddened atmosphere, you tried to make a joke, “I think I just scarred those kids for life.” He snorted and shook his head in amusement, “This is why I love you Y/N. What am I going to do without you?” “Shut up don’t make me cry again.” You warned as you wiped the last bit of your tears dry. Although it wasn’t necessarily a, instant break up, nothing more was needed to be said for the both of you to know that the relationship was going to eventually come to an end the moment that the next school year started. Without much of a word needed, the two of you made a silent agreement that with whatever time that the two of you had left, it would be spent wisely with as little tears shed as possible. Even though fourteen was a very young age, neither of you doubted that you were both in love, however the relationship just seemed to have ran its course.

Or at least that’s what you thought.

(Present Day)

Now at the age of twenty-four, freshly graduated from university, you by some lucky chance got hired back from the company that you had worked for last summer. As oppose to most of your friends who only took four years in university, you needed an extra year and graduated with a bachelor of science specializing for actuarial science. You didn’t necessarily care about the number of years that it took you, because you were just glad that this company was happy to take you back. It feels nice to be able to work in a more familiar environment and with people that you had previously worked with. Once you stepped into the main entrance of the building, you were greeted by Emily, one of the employees at the front desk that you had gotten very close with, and even went out on a few dinner dates with a couple of other co-workers. She guided you to the photo booth where you were required to take a new picture for your employee badge as she updated you on the new employees that were added to your department at work. “I heard that there’s this new guy that the company brought back from Asia. He had been working there for a little over a year that’s why you haven’t met him yet, but apparently he’s a real cutie and smart. He graduated after only going to university for three years and became a supervisor in just two years.” She nudged you as she linked your arms whilst the two of you walked towards the elevators. However, you weren’t paying much attention to her, instead you were staring excitingly at your new employee badge. With this marks a new era to your life Y/N. We’re growing the fuck up. “Hello? Y/N? Did you hear anything that I said?” Emily asked as she nudged you again.

Ding.

“Hm? Yeah. New guy from Asia.” You mumbled as the elevator doors open and the two of you walked in. “Yeah. He seems like your type. Should I set you up? I know someone from human resources who can help me get his phone number.” She winked. This time it was your turn to nudge her, “Hey. Don’t be a creep. No. I’m not really interested in dating anyways. I’m just going to try and do my job well and start paying off my student debts.” You laughed as she mumbled something about you being no fun. Ding. The elevator rang again it reached your department’s floor. “Hey Y/N! Great to see you back.” Jin greeted you with a bright smile the moment that he saw you and Emily walk out of the elevator. After the three of you each took your turns sharing how their weekends went, Emily escorted you to your new desk where you saw a cute new pot of aloe plant presented right beside your computer screen with a big red ribbon wrapped around the plant’s pot. “Thank you.” You turned to Emily, knowing very well no one but her would give such thoughtful gifts. As Jin argued with Emily about how he never got a plant from her, you settled down and hung your bag by the side of the desk, staring amusingly at the pictures of you and Emily along with some other co-workers at a dinner a couple of weeks back. “Oh Y/N. I forgot to tell you I have a friend that I want you to meet, he works in your department. He recently just came back from Asia-“ “Oh. My. God. You’re friends with him? I was just telling Y/N about him.” Emily squealed with so much excitement that you stared at her filled with confusion. Is this guy really good looking or something? “Really? I was thinking of the same thing too!” He laughed. “Are you guys trying to sell me off or something? I don’t need a boyfriend right now.” You sighed as you plopped yourself down into the chair now staring up at Emily and Jin talking away about how this mystery guy is ‘so your type.’ “Okay. Y/N at least hear me out. He’s young. He’s your age. He’s a bachelor. Smart. Single. Good looking. Need I say more?” He asked waving his hand into the air. You figured that instead of trying to fight with him, you just let him continue talking while your mind wandered off for the first time in a very long time, to someone that you once knew who was very good looking and smart. As it finally came time to start working, the three of you resigned to your own work space and you were filled in by one of your co-workers on what tasks you would be taking on for the month. You were told that your supervisor would help you out and tell you in more detail on what you needed to do for the end of week meeting, but by the time it came for lunch, your supervisor was nowhere to be seen but even so, you worked as productively as possible. You happily joined Emily and Jin who were already at one of the table in the cafeteria, gossiping yet again about this friend of his. Shaking your head in disapproval, you turned towards the food stalls to go look for food. As you looked around the assortment of food options with nothing capturing your attention, you pulled out your phone and decided to order from one of your favourite Vietnamese restaurants nearby on Ubereats. However, you were too engrossed on what to order on your phone that you didn’t see that someone was walking towards you until you bumped right into their chest causing your phone to fall onto the ground. “Oh. I’m so sorry.” You quickly apologized turned to the strangers face. Oh. But it wasn’t a stranger standing in front of you. He was anything but a stranger. The man now standing right in front of you, gave you the same sweet smile that he had once given you ten years ago. The exact same smile that melted your heart ten years ago, and still after all these years has the power to melt it all oer again. He was taller now, much taller than before, at least a head taller than you. He also looked much more mature. Grown up. Handsome nonetheless. These ten years must have treated him real nice. “Hi Y/N.” He greeted in a dark and calm voice. You should have said something, anything would have been nice, but you were too shocked to even let out the breath that you were holding in. It wasn’t until Emily and Jin rushed to your side that you realized that you were probably just staring awkwardly at him without saying a single spoken word. “Y/N are you okay?” Emily asked as she picked up your phone from the ground while you and him never once broke eye contact. “Hey. You okay?” She asked again, now in a whisper as she nudged the phone into your hand. You mumbled a simple yes, suddenly becoming hyperaware by how long you and him were holding each other’s stare, causing your cheeks to flush in a deep red colour. “Oh! Y/N just in time. This is my friend that I was talking about! His name is-“ Jin started. “Namjoon. Kim Namjoon. But you already knew that didn’t you Y/N?” He smirked. A little too well. It almost amazed you just how confident he looked staring amusingly at you, as if he didn’t care that other people were watching. It suddenly felt as if the two of you were in your own world. Somehow the longer you stared, the more you felt yourself turning back to your fourteen-year-old self, a past that you tried so hard to get over. The Y/N that often blushed whenever her eyes met Namjoon’s. The Y/N who attended math club with Namjoon just so that she could spend more time with him. And more importantly the Y/N who was deeply and madly in love with fourteen-year-old Namjoon. Before you could even muster the courage to say anything to him or Emily and Jin, Namjoon straightened out his suit and said, “Ah. I almost forgot to add. Welcome to the team Y/N. I’m your new supervisor.” He smirked as he extended his hand. Oh no. Oh no no no.

#bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts namjoon #bts #bts fanfics #kim namjoon #rm #namjoon x reader #bts ff

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

Text

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: [is gonna rock up late despite literally living with Charlie so enjoy the entrance everybody]

Joe: [when you weren’t invited but still gonna show up like you have somewhere better to be, love that for you, the effort we’ve not gone to because we live here so it’s kinda okay but not really Joseph, also I imagine kinda shook she ended up showing]

Ronnie: [likewise in the sense that she dresses the same everywhere she goes unless it’s a job interview or court appearance lol but we know she looks good if you’re Joseph and into it, I imagine her zoning in on Jamie immediately like who the fuck is this and then oh I’ve heard nothing about you kinda energy soz gal]

Joe: [rude but not untrue in this case, at least Charlie can make it seem like you’re joking and Joe can go get you a drink like soz this is all we have energy ‘cos in jokes]

Ronnie: [I highly doubt they have enough seats around that table so I also imagine her dragging up something to sit on like yeah I’m here to stay bitches and drinking Joe’s drink while he’s gone as a throwback to when she did when they met at that gig and cos we’re obvs claiming him LOL]

Joe: [we know the food is gonna be studenty anyway so having smaller portions won’t kill any of us lmao, just dying at how shocked Sophie is having to conceal she is, host on queen, boring boyfriend having no opinions of course]

Ronnie: [don’t worry gal depending how much of a jealous rage we get into we probably won’t be eating it so you’ll still have brownies left, her face would be iconic and I totally picture Marc on his phone the entire time because Paul used to do that when he was with Trace]

Joe: [giving nothing to this bizarre situation, too real, Charlie and Sophie holding this together, soz guys, Joe jus amused af, do we sit opposite or next to hmm]

Ronnie: [read that as soz gays, ILY mum & dad, I think he needs to sit opposite Jamie so that she can accuse them of eye fucking each other or whatever so probably next to]

Joe: [okay yes gather ‘round everyone]

Ronnie: she lives here

Joe: yeah I told you, Silent Bob’s gf

Ronnie: you said he had a bitch not shes been chained to the radiator since youse lot moved in

Joe: maybe that’s his secret

Ronnie: whens he letting you have your go

Joe: got my own radiator you can have a go on when this is over

Joe: not to brag or nothing

Ronnie: wont be over til the fat flatmate sings & the other one sucking you off while her & mariah duet and the boyfriend pretends he aint watching youse instead is fuck all to brag about

Joe: be lucky if it got close to that level of mildly interesting

Joe: where are you in all this then

Ronnie: under the sink looking for drain cleaner or whatever else i can drink

Joe: why do you get to have all the fun?

Ronnie: i dont waste my time asking bullshit questions

Joe: how are we gonna waste our time

Ronnie: im gonna kill your shared girlfriend & youre gonna cry about it

Joe: I don’t think I am

Joe: no amount of tragedy is gonna breakthrough the chemical fog

Ronnie: you would if you could

Joe: [🙄 at her]

Ronnie: [tips however much is left of her drink into his lap not at all accidentally but we know Charlie and Soph will pretend it was]

Joe: [whip them off to go get changed boy]

Ronnie: [when you wanna follow him but you just gotta glare instead]

Joe: [probably taking whatever we’ve got in to make this go easier, ‘scuse us, so much missing out]

Ronnie: [you know she turned up already on something so do what you gotta do Joseph]

Joe: [Jamie should be talking to you about uni things thus alienating everyone else a lil ‘cos that is a bit rude and will annoy you gal]

Ronnie: [fully just opening up a wound over here literally cos she was already jealous but did not realise they had this much shit in common or anything in common actually so we’re just livid and bleeding]

Joe: [Sophie just running with the kitchen roll like omg do we have bandages guys like oh babe you truly only mean well, Charlie just giving the can you not looks of it all, Joe just jealous because we’ve obviously got our long sleeves]

Ronnie: [a spoken out loud fuck you at everyone but mainly Joe as we go to the bathroom to not deal with this but instead evoke the energy of when Mae downed that mouthwash because she definitely would and also go through the cabinets for anything sharp obvs]

Joe: [at least you can go under the guise of checking on her but really you’re just seeing what she’s doing]

Ronnie: [1000% have not locked the door because we wanted him to follow us but that won’t stop her telling him to get out because walking contradiction forever]

Joe: [locks it behind him in response]

Ronnie: [the most intense glare in response because could not be more livid rn]

Joe: [grabbing wherever the wound is like we’re gonna kiss it better or something like Soph for a casual bit of blood drinking]

Ronnie: [obviously have to push him away really hard because we’re obviously really into it and excuse you boy we’re trying to be angry and hate you, soz to all the flatmates when you hear that crashing about]

Joe: [lmao this tiny bathroom getting destroyed, steady yourself and her despite that clearly not being what she wants right now, roll up a sleeve ‘you never did the X’]

Ronnie: [the glorious visual of trying to get past him to leave/push him away again at the same time in a small space so you just end up pressed up against each other and the door making eye contact and it’s hot af ‘you never took me anywhere’]

Joe: [‘so let me’ do you mean let’s get out of here or in a saucy way either or you skinny as hell girl so if you not really trying to leave it’s easy not to let you]

Ronnie: [‘she’ll let you’ because we’re not just dropping this even if we want to]

Joe: [‘who?’ like an oblivious boy ‘cos clearly not where our head is]

Ronnie: [a really vicious read of Jamie based on what we’re learned this evening that I’m not gonna do because I am not that mean but it’s obvious it’s her and not Sophie we’re talking about, hope you don’t hear us gal]

Joe: [‘I’m not interested’ in every sense right now ‘and you know that, stop pissing about’]

Ronnie: [‘wasn’t any other cunt round the table hanging on her every fucking word, I know that’ because that was blatant Jamie]

Joe: [‘I can’t help it that her fella’s an accountant’ what do you do Marc, do any of us know lol, shrugs ‘we go to the same school, that’s it’ and a look like whatever the fuck this is is clearly more]

Ronnie: [she would wanna lol but we can’t because still mad ‘that’s it?’ not actually a question though more like you better be telling the truth boy ‘why the fuck have you never told me about her then?’]

Joe: [‘I thought I had when I said he had a girlfriend’ not not a lie ‘none of them are what I want to talk about, that’s it’]

Ronnie: [‘you were thinking with this’ grabbing his dick when we say so ‘that’s it’ cos even if that was true Joseph we shade the rest of the flatmates often and you know damn well we love doing it]

Joe: [shakes head even though we are very clearly into that ‘she’s no Soph’ like it wouldn’t be as funny soz]

Ronnie: [‘is right’ like yeah I know you actually seriously wanna get with her, and moving away but not to leave but to pick back up whatever implement we were gonna hurt ourselves with before he came in but didn’t get chance to because we’re genuinely upset]

Joe: [literally putting ourselves in front of it like no ‘Ronnie’ like I don’t know how you’re going to even put it into words boy so it’s mainly a !!! look]

Ronnie: [a look that starts out like don’t try and stop me/fuck you but turns into !! when his does like say something/do something if you mean it]

Joe: [got to go in and kiss you whilst making her push whatever she was gonna use on herself into him, now or never, enjoy the tension finally getting released]

Ronnie: [obviously we’re kissing you back so we all know what’s gonna happen next lol, soz flatmates I really hope you can’t hear anything, especially Charlie cos you actually know they’re related]

Joe: [it is not a big flat so keep quiet, just think he’s comforting her for all this time or what, god bless]

Ronnie: [she would be trying to keep quiet but not for y’all more so he thinks she’s unimpressed/not that into it but that would literally last all of a second because she’s obviously very into it]

Joe: [the levels you aren’t gonna wanna go back in but can’t be seen as being romantic lads]

Ronnie: [I could easily have her leave if we want though because it’s a fact that she doesn’t wanna be here and everyone would be relieved except Joseph]

Joe: [that probably makes sense, honestly, and you’ve freaked them all out, as was the point]

Ronnie: [and lbr you’ve freaked yourselves out with how good that hook up was too so]

Joe: [just go hide in your room like you’re very taxed by that in an acceptable way boy]

Ronnie: [god knows where you’re gonna go gal but please don’t OD again like you literally did in Margate no time ago]

Joe: [the headfuckery]

Ronnie: [poor Charlie just like UMMM WTF cos she must look bad even for her rn and we’ve behaved terribly and then literally legged it so]

Joe: [thank god you’re such a natural party go-er so you can make up some excuse to put them all at relative ease but yeah, for sure like excuse me]

Ronnie: [might be fun to do a convo between them when we’re done with this one]

Joe: [I’m down even though I really haven’t used him yet, I’ll give it a go]

Ronnie: [yeah it’s been forever since we did the group chats with them and Bronson and Bea it feels like another life, I can send you the convo we did where she told him she met Joe if you like cos I re-read that the other day and it was pretty good]

Ronnie: [but the real question is who’s gonna break first and start a convo and how long are we leaving it?]

Joe: [please do ‘cos did not realize we’d done that tbh]

Joe: [I could make a case for either of them, him to prove he meant it as he left it last time but her so she can’t automatically be on the ‘it meant nothing’ total defensive hmm]

Joe: [some hours later when the party is over, or could be]

Joe: Charlie was going pub, he’s left here though

Ronnie: [even later because whatever she’s doing she’s messy and can’t reply to the extent that she doesn’t need to because he won’t be expecting her to and yet here we are]

Ronnie: did whitney ask you to pass it on to us cos hes still disappointed like

Joe: couldn’t say

Joe: just letting you know that you’ll have a free gaff for a while longer

Ronnie: where have i chucked the other one for the sake of this free gaff in your mind mckenna

Joe: alright, free rooms better than fuck all

Ronnie: its his emmy oggie i aint there either

Joe: anywhere good?

Ronnie: compared to what

Joe: established it’s no brag compared to tonight

Ronnie: not gonna stop you comparing me & her

Joe: compare to what?

Joe: pleasantries over cocopops

Ronnie: youll be interested in eating her out now youve got what you wanted off me

Ronnie: 9 is easier to carve than an 8 and you wont look like youre trying to copy the infinity sign one of your other exes wouldve got inked on her

Joe: it’s not remotely the fucking same

Joe: if I was arsed about getting my numbers up there’s millions of girls in this city I could hit up before you

Ronnie: yeah youre not related to any of em and theyd have less clue how to shoot up than you do

Joe: even if the related bit was ringing 100% true, you’re the only user in town now?

Joe: you don’t have to pervert it when it already was

Ronnie: youre already romanticising it like a fucking 13 year old so yeah i do cause one of us has to get real

Joe: you reckon I’m so okay with it just because I can admit I wanted it

Joe: who do you reckon you’re lying to like I weren’t there

Ronnie: who do you reckon youre talking to like i didnt fucking leave you there for a reason

Joe: Fuck off

Ronnie: i did

Joe: for someone who reckons they’re so open, you chat so much shit

Ronnie: open to what soft lad infection

Joe: scars and trackmarks on your sleeve

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: you didn’t miss much

Ronnie: no shit you didnt just invite me cause you wanted to fuck me

Ronnie: can do that anywhere

Joe: yeah and you didn’t just wanna come to make Soph cry, like

Ronnie: i owed you

Joe: get it off your to-do list then

Joe: well done

Ronnie: stop crying youll never look as ugly as horse girl doing it or go for as long as her

Joe: you love her, we all 👀

Ronnie: i said shut up

Joe: no, you say something that’s not stupid

Ronnie: what for fucks sake

Ronnie: what did you reckon id say when you started chatting shit like nothing happened

Joe: alright, I don’t know

Joe: it happened, right

Ronnie: you werent hallucinating

Joe: nothing that makes that happen in the bathroom cupboard

Joe: I don’t regret it, I know that

Ronnie: meant to be made up to hear it am i

Joe: nah, probably not

Joe: but you wanted me to talk about it so I am

Ronnie: i wanted you to take the fucking hint when i legged it as soon as

Joe: you could’ve blocked me, so

Joe: pardon me for not taking it that seriously

Ronnie: not your crazy ex & i couldnt deny you your bullshit heroics

Ronnie: mary aint carrying me anywhere and i know how bad you wanna see me turn blue

Joe: you like having a stalker, is what you mean

Ronnie: block me and get your whore flatmate to tell you what she likes about you

Ronnie: weve established i aint got the talent to sing no cunts praises

Joe: we’ve established I’m not interested in that

Ronnie: cause you want me to tell you how smart you are at fucking me instead of beat the shit out of you

Ronnie: it wont last

Joe: familys forever, sis

Ronnie: not to your ma baby

Ronnie: did i look enough like her for you

Joe: what do you reckon

Joe: your theory, not mine

Ronnie: mustve youve still not fucked off

Joe: you’ve got room for another face tat or two

Ronnie: go do that then

Joe: you can leave out the yes sir

Joe: not my fantasy

Ronnie: no shit like youve been my bitch since you hit send on facebook

Joe: 😂

Joe: I’ve been worse

Ronnie: you trying to turn me on or what its a bit late for it

Joe: just the once, alright

Joe: bit cliche but probably for the best considering

Joe: very sensible of you

Ronnie: cliche that my da didnt stick around long enough for his side of the family to properly cut or sew me up so ive gotta regret not getting chance to put a razor blade inside me before you 💔

Ronnie: now youre gonna reckon i care youve said the once ll do when i just hate you & hate how you fuck even more

Joe: Could’ve said it was about as much fun as

Joe: it’s alright

Joe: both confused, clearly

Ronnie: youre not confused youre fucking smug

Joe: hardly another achievement for the fridge door

Joe: what’s to be smug about

Ronnie: probably for the best i dont answer that if thats how you feel

Joe: come on

Joe: aside from proving you were full of shit about not wanting to as well

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: you don’t want me to say how I really feel

Ronnie: making me cum earlier dont mean you know what i want now

Joe: right, you want me to declare my love so you get more out of telling me to fuck off, that’s more like it

Ronnie: do i fuck

Joe: then what do you want

Ronnie: like you give the slightest shit

Joe: I do too

Ronnie: no you dont

Joe: I fucking do

Joe: [prove it in a way only y’all would, carve her name or something]

Ronnie: [send him your own pics of the bite marks you’re covered in which is a self harming thing you’ve not done since you were a kid because it’s been a headfuck every second since you two met and we’re not coping honey]

Joe: you hungry?

Joe: you didn’t eat fuck all, I mean

Joe: could get something not dubiously prepared by Soph

Ronnie: hungry as you are funny

Joe: I weren’t trying to be

Joe: on the spectrum, or whatever you said

Ronnie: you wish you had the excuse or the musical prodigy status

Joe: 💔 about that genuinely

Joe: just a dickhead

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: I don’t know what to say

Joe: there’s no point saying I’m sorry

Ronnie: no point is right youre not sorry

Joe: nah

Joe: it’d be lovely for you if I’d found you and you were fine

Joe: but like you said, it ain’t about me or her, it’s about loads of shit and you clearly weren’t so

Joe: just seems pointless

Ronnie: im made up you finally got your head round it

Joe: Yeah well, I didn’t tell you I was a good person

Joe: don’t mean I don’t give no fucks, just ‘cos I ain’t trying to save you

Ronnie: you keep telling me you aint like it matters to me who you are

Joe: yeah, it doesn’t in why you’re fucked

Joe: but what do you want from me

Ronnie: its your fucking fault im like this climbing the walls same as when i was a kid

Joe: yeah ‘cos you were doing really great before weren’t ya

Ronnie: all you give a fuck about is letting yourself off the fucking hook

Joe: Blame me then what does it change

Joe: do something about it other than fucking yourself up, I don’t care

Ronnie: stop lying that youre bothered if your only answer to me losing my mind is that i was before

Joe: I can’t help you

Joe: If you thought I could, though why the fuck you would

Joe: then I am sorry

Ronnie: 💔🖕

Joe: I’ve got my own problems

Joe: if I had any solutions, I’d light ‘em up and shoot them into myself first, naturally

Ronnie: youve got a solution i gave it to you

Ronnie: why the fuck would you make me feel something

Joe: Selfishness

Joe: pure and simple

Ronnie: on your way to a grown up habit im dead proud

Joe: what more could I want

Ronnie: that to scab over seeing as youve finally admitted its bullshit

Joe: I still think about you constantly

Joe: I still want to know everything about you

Joe: I’d rot with you

Ronnie: youve got your own problems to think about

Joe: yeah, and that’s hell

Joe: I’ve done plenty of that

Ronnie: yeah and youve got your escape

Joe: take yours

Joe: can have plan bs and cs even if a is the best

Ronnie: youre the kid who tells the rest to jump off a bridge

Ronnie: cute

Joe: you’re implying I wouldn’t and all

Ronnie: i dont give a shit what you do but i aint giving you the satisfaction of being the last fuck i ever had

Ronnie: youd cling to life long enough to write a pathetic song about it

Joe: that’s the nicest thing you’ve said

Joe: which is saying something ‘cos you’re so sweet, like

Ronnie: youre welcome

Joe: I’ll do a Dylan style ballad about all your 👼🏼 deeds

Ronnie: thats the biggest turn off out of everything youve ever said or done

Joe: thank god, you’re insatiable 😏

Ronnie: once you said

Joe: not for my benefit

Ronnie: its all only for your benefit remember

Joe: if that were true you’d still be here

Ronnie: if it was true i could be

Joe: come back

Ronnie: cant ive got a face tat to get done

Joe: I understand

Joe: my art isn’t there yet

Joe: won’t ruin your beauty

Ronnie: go ed and chuck yourself off a bridge you dont have to wait for me to boot your door in & do you in for chatting shit

Joe: well I am already devvo I’m not a prodigy so yeah, add lack of a steady hand to the list of failures

Joe: probably the meds

Joe: you know being poetic is all I do, why have we downgraded it to chatting shit 💔

Ronnie: why are you calling me beautiful when you could write it in your suicide note for your ma theres your downgrade

Joe: you’re too romantic for your own good

Joe: I wouldn’t be writing a note, sorry to dash your illusions

Ronnie: not me saying i get you mckenna thats your delusion

Ronnie: what are you gonna draw on me then

Joe: you do but it’s more fun to take the piss and pretend you don’t so

Joe: That is the question

Joe: won’t brand you, don’t worry

Ronnie: if i dont want it ill cut it out no pressure

Joe: it’s just skin right

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: how olds your oldest scar

Ronnie: older than you

Joe: what did you do

Ronnie: i used to take headbanging literally

Joe: ah, the floor never saw you coming, yeah

Joe: I have a head scar too [cos he either does or did on the stalker show idk but there we go with a photo like she probably knows hun]

Ronnie: [I just imagine her smiling to herself like yeah I know nerd]

Ronnie: cant both be poets had to express myself somehow before i pushed a safety pin through my cheek

Joe: that explains the permanent 😾

Joe: fucked the muscles, like

Ronnie: your shit jokes do

Joe: it was always easier to just start fights to get hurt

Joe: when I was a kid

Joe: though you work out ways to be sneaky fast, if you have to

Ronnie: they didnt wanna fight me

Joe: everyday sexism strikes again

Ronnie: fuck off not cos im a girl

Joe: why then

Ronnie: wouldnt be me getting hurt and if i was i didnt care

Ronnie: all those mental problems you told that call centre cunt about like

Joe: ‘course you were too proud to make it count

Joe: have to let them get some punches in or there was no point, yeah

Ronnie: no point in fitz flouncing in either fun though

Joe: true

Joe: I’ve got a brother and all, I remember what it’s like

Ronnie: scraps never went far enough

Joe: yeah

Joe: most kids aren’t that psycho

Ronnie: 💔

Joe: being misunderstood served me so well for the whole musician thing so whatever, I guess

Ronnie: i mightve bothered keeping some of my bastards about if they were guaranteed nutters thatd serve you well

Joe: you’d get your own room then, like

Joe: even if you had to pack them to the rafters

Ronnie: for a stalker youre dead concerned about my privacy

Joe: nah, ‘course not

Joe: I’d rather have a place to do the gear without the possibility of Soph or Charlie 🥺ing at us obvs, nothing but selfishness

Ronnie: theres loads of places

Joe: you can show me

Ronnie: is she there now she can let me in

Joe: no idea

Joe: their room is near the door, makes sense they’d be your first victims

Ronnie: youre too selfish to get off your arse and do it

Joe: if you’re coming I’ll carry you in myself, you know that

Ronnie: ill be there and youll still be going on about what youre gonna do

Ronnie: no wonder the other kids kept smacking you

Joe: yeah, all mouth me, deffo what I was known for

Joe: not a euphemism and I don’t think they were wishing it was but who knows

Ronnie: you sure you dont want charlie giving you the eye

Ronnie: how it sounds

Joe: I’m alright, tah

Joe: pretty sure he’s over it now I’m enabling you

Ronnie: hes over everything thats not horse girls from kent but reckons the fucking lost causes are us

Joe: He clearly just gives a shit about appearances

Joe: looking nice, polite

Joe: they’ll never speak again, like

Ronnie: forget him

Ronnie: open the door

Joe: [do that boy]

Ronnie: [boop his little head scar as you come in like oh there it is]

Joe: [‘s’not even a good story’ and producing some takeaway moment from the kitchen as you go through ‘cos the dinner party was not heavy on the dinner bit]

Ronnie: [a look like ffs because people caring in any way ew no but we are gonna eat it because probably haven't since that Margate moment]

Joe: [shrugging like bitch I’m hungry as we tuck in, obviously]

Ronnie: [kick him while you've still got your big boots on but playfully not aggressively]

Joe: [😏 but in a more genuine way than that cocky face looks, I am vibing Chinese not that that matters but there we go]

Ronnie: [weirdly I also thought that maybe because it's one of the grossest haha but yeah eat your food lads]

Joe: [greasy greasy goodness, love the subtle shade if any of them come out for a cuppa or whatever like oh hello again lol]

Ronnie: [I hope it's oblivious Marc just living his life]

Joe: [that’d be most amusing, unbothered, casually]

Ronnie: [I just imagine them doing stuff to try and make him notice like when people stack stuff on a sleeping person but idk what you could do in that little kitchen]

Joe: [for sure, just being subtly annoying/weird and he is just like does not compute ‘cos we mind our own business, so childish]

Ronnie: [love that for you two]

Joe: [we stan the regression for you]

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abifurcatedheart · 4 years

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Of Machines and Pigs Pt. 6

"My dear Mister Mandus, I admire your vision, I really do, but there are surely not enough pigs in the whole of London to feed the appetite of such a machine."

"That all rather depends, Professor, on what one considers to be a pig."

(It's been a long while, but in this post I'm going to talk about the Mandus Processing Company! So get ready for quite a lengthy read!)

First, let's go back a bit and talk about the original Mandus Co. Meat Processing Factory, established in 1828. Presumably it has been a family-run business, passed down through generations. In the November 7th, 1898 Found Document which discusses the Mandus family's recent financial burden, we find out that Oswald Mandus, in an attempt to keep up with the risen era of industry, took a gamble on revamping his shop into a full-scale, machine-driven factory, and unfortunately for him the gamble did not pay off. Now he's in hot water, unable to move forward due to his exhausted fortune, yet unable to convince the bank to lend him what he needs to progress.

So, after scouring his great uncle's notes, he learns about various ruins and the treasures they may contain -- including the orbs, which he hopes to obtain and sell for profit. Of course, we all know what happens during his expedition in Mexico.

When he returns home to London, he immerses himself completely in his work of expanding his business, partly as a way to cope with the loss of his sons -- according to his phonograph conversation with Professor A. His newfound charisma, humanitarian ideals, and I'm going to presume pity points due to his intense illness win him the favor of many a wealthy benefactor, and, much to the surprise and awe of men like Professor A. he is quickly able to renovate his factory and then some. He builds an entire enterprise, an empire if you will.

It is called the Mandus Processing Company, and its logo can be found everywhere throughout the game.

Before we go further from here, let's detour a little and talk about Compound X, a liquid that is used for everything from machine fuel to coolant, to tissue mending and life restorative, and just about everything in-between. But what is Compound X, exactly? Another "gift" found in the notes of his great uncle, it's actually the discarded formula for manufactured vitae that Alexander had come up with in The Dark Descent. With all of the elaborated lore in Amnesia: Rebirth surrounding vitae, now its various uses in A Machine for Pigs make more sense. (For those who haven't played Rebirth yet, vitae is a curative, regenerative, fuel source, and a power source used by Alexander's people.)

In Oswald's company, Compound X is not only used in the surgical processes of creating manpigs, it is also, and perhaps more interestingly, used for helping to keep the factory running. Mandus has created an essentially self-sustaining workhouse, as well as connecting systems to his home to ensure that things like electricity and heat are generated using the factory's inner workings.

The factory is designed using the same various compartments and systems as any other slaughterhouse -- except the main line has been modified to accommodate human bodies, rather than just pigs. He alternates between capturing and slaughtering the rich and the poor, in order to make the disappearances less obvious; as he himself explains, it would seem too suspicious if too many wealthy, upper class individuals went missing at one time. But the poor, on the other hand? No one would notice the loss of the "undesirables" of the city, allowing him to kidnap them in bulk.

But how does he manage this, as critically ill as he is? He builds his reputation by donating money and food to the church and its charges, the orphanages, mental hospitals, and the workhouses, giving the impression that he cares deeply for the plight of the less fortunate and thus deserves respect and assistance. (One ironic aspect of his new factory is that it is a workhouse, granting employment to those in need of it, including children.) St. Dunstan's Church has been connected to his factory, and its congregation led into the metaphorical belly of the beast, with Father Jeremiah accompanying them following Oswald's grand reveal to him about his plan. The more distrustful lower class citizens are gathered and, owing to traps beneath the city streets, swept away in the blink of an eye to be turned into produce. Meanwhile, for the rich, he flaunts his new wealth and product, earning him the attention of those in higher standings -- enough so that he's able to throw luxurious parties at his residence for them. The various rooms of his home have been rigged with traps, so that unlucky drunk and drugged guests are easily transported onto the pigline through them, then are subsequently fed to the next guests at the following parties.

Not a bad system, or so it would have been had the authorities not begun to grow suspicious of disappearances. Their investigations, without fail, led them to Oswald Mandus, and so we are granted the phonograph conversation with Professor A. as a result.

But back to the factory! Three interesting locations worth noting are the laboratories, found beneath the main factory buildings; the nuclear reactor, lurking deep beneath the city and likely supplying most of the power to the resource-intensive systems; and South Tower, where much of the Compound X is stored and is likely regulated to the various compartments due to its cold storage.

The laboratories are where the experimentations are carried out by Oswald, most notably those dealing with Compound X and resuscitation of the deceased, and the creation of more manpigs. Victims are shipped down to this area and held in cages until it's their turn to be taken. The process, much like the production line process, is explained and described in various notes in-game.

The nuclear reactor, I tend to assume supplies a large amount of power to the factory because of not only the nature of it, but also because it's the heart of the sabotaging efforts that we are undoing during the first half of the game, and it isn't until after we restart it that the factory truly and fully comes back to functional life. Being that it, again, is the heart of the sabotaging efforts, I believe that it is the -- if not one of the -- most important parts of the "machine". There is also implication in the Machine's dialogue and another few found documents that the reactor's function is also to split apart the earth's core(the "egg of the world").

South Tower, fully known as "Electrogravitic Suppression: South Tower" is home to the Tesla manpigs, being that it's the only area cold enough to sustain them and their stability due to the high volume of Compound X within them. (You run into another variation of them in the sewer level, the "Failed Experiments".) It, curiously enough, also houses in its very center a human heart, suspended in air and surrounded on the room's outer area by glass harmonicas. What does it mean? I'm still not sure, but after activating the glass harmonicas and charging up the power to the room, approaching the heart seems to cause it to become electrocuted. If I were to take a guess, I'd assume the heart is located there to keep it alive and beating until that moment, as well as to preserve it using the cold temperature.

Alright, I think I've rambled enough for now. What are your thoughts and theories? If you've read this far, and the post has piqued your own curiosities, I'd love to hear what you think as well!

#Oswald Mandus #Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs #Amnesia A Machine for Pigs #AMFP #AAMFP #Headcanon #In which I ramble on for five years about useless bullshit regarding the game #Oops

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lilmajorshawty · 5 years

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Lilith Through The Houses : The Fallen

(Carpenter Brut - TURBO KILLER)

Lilith In The First House : The Demon you can see

Lilith in the first house is about more than just the dark aura or the seemingly endless gazing eyes and petrified reactions from outsiders, rather it’s a accumulation of the natives energy focused so tensely in the area of the “self” that they seem like some powerfully dark entity. the face can have a darkness to it be it in color or in it’s appearance. the hair is often dark and depending on how close to the ascendant Lilith truly is it can even overwhelm any lightening affects of planets like Jupiter or Venus here. the eyes are often stunning, and a very harsh quality lies behind the gaze. the demeanor can seem quite detached and intense even if they are standing in an idle position. the natives also carry a strong energy, one that can seem a bit repugnant or erotic. these natives often can be completely opposite of the energy they’re expressing but it can be so atmospheric that they can be accused of “seducing” or “corrupting” their siblings, co-workers, step parents, friends lovers and so on. They have a mysterious nature to them that creates a sort of fearful nature in others, as many often ponder on if they are secretly moving or plotting in silence. These natives are POWERFUL and the scary aspect about them is their ability to dominate a room, a crowd or any relationship by sheer force of will and by existing. to many they are a threat, a bully, a sharlton, a whore, or some wicked vile beast of temptation. early life can be hard especially if Lilith is afflicted from this house and sadly these natives can receive quite a bit of sexual objectification as people often worship and lust after them as if they were a demon of sexual appetite. Lilith here is dangerous as she projects the inner animal in all of us onto the native making the native a target of primal behavior in others. People can act downright like wild animals towards these natives, snarling, kicking, biting, spitting, roaring, and so on just to strike them down and make them feel as small as the native makes them feel just by existing. once mature these natives are physically astonishing, as Lilith’s dark energy courses through the body’s constitution. staying fit is usually fairly easy here. and the mental and emotional faculties are very highly attuned making them incredible readers of character and intent. as these natives age they walk into their Lithuanian image and become truly intense and immovable objects, the men can seem like the devil, like some sly creature, some harmonious gale that weights you down with a simple glare. The women are fierce, and silent, passionately observing the world like a emperor of their bloodied kingdom. she is dangerous and cold, her intentions are far from emotional and her reactions are everything but sympathetic. this can be the coldest and unnerving of individuals to meet.

(Carpenter Brut - DIVISION RUINE)

Lilith In The Second House : The Blackest of Sheep

For Lilith in The second house natives self worth can be a guessing game, sort of like a constant pendulum swing. hatred of the purest and most carnal form can be exhibited towards ones body, whilst at another moment worship and unforeseen pleasure and joy can be derived from ones own body, their sense of self and place in this grand shit show called life. as you can imagine their appetite for the finer things is unmatched, but in many cases these natives love the ruined parts of beauty. This can be the ripped jeans, the broken stilettos. the old and cracked rusty crimson lipstick or the runny eyeliner, the spiked belt or the bareness of skin pale and lifeless after a cold shower. These natives are cold to the touch and tend to have quite the intense relationship with intimacy and touch. in many ways they loathe closeness and lingering intimacy, seeking to keep a mighty far distance from close ties or entanglements that last longer than they should. the other side of this is that once they do let someone in they can be so drawn to touch and sexuality, its sensuous and amorous nature that they become a gluttonous demon for it, eating their lovers alive. they can wear plenty of silly pretend tones, and soothe anyone into a manipulative tactic and make it seem like it was all a misunderstanding. These are the robbers and thieves willing to take and bleed everything and anyone dry if it brings them closer to their obsession “having what they cannot.” These natives are magnetic and their earthy bare beauty lies in the fact that Lilith here is reflecting on her time with Adam, the sex they had, his touch and the stranious and rather euphoric state she enjoyed until she was cast out and betrayed, thus as she lay nude and bare flying in rage in an unknown sky she dammed the world, the world she believed she had once had, now telling her she could no longer own it. these natives don’t value money or materialistic objects rather they value what is not their’s, what has been created, what is so fondly gazed upon by others, they seek to tear down it’s beautiful glow and to in-turn be made beautiful in it’s downfall. These natives by nature are sacrificial and have a almost godly relationship with the plants of the earth, many are gardeners in their pare time or actively partaking in medicinal herbs and many are even inherently nomadic easily reading climate patterns and environmental signs. these natives are also amazing in the field of medicine for their ability to scope out bodily dysfunctions and emotional imbalances. that being said these natives also have the most dangerous singing voices one could ever here do to it’s magnetic and often eerily moving tone. a rejection of the sensuality or body is common with this placement by the self or by others.

(Carpenter Brut - MANIAC cover)

Lilith In The Third House : The Rumors Of Shepard

Lilith in the third is a very subtle yet remorseless position, here Lilith has a free tongue and is delighted at the intricate yet magnified level of mental mind games and manipulation plausible in human nature. These natives may have had a parent or an early influence who was a pathological liar, a schemer or in some ways a com, and false prophet. the children often were fascinated and found novelty in the weakness of the brain and sought later in life to play into this more weakened aspect. Lilith sees weakness in the expression of sympathy and compassion and often preys into these aspects via communication or even things as subtle as certain movements/mannerisms, speech patterns and eye movements to throw off their desired target. Sometimes the lies are harmless while other times they are dangerous and toxic although none of this really matters to the native. These natives aren’t heartless per say but their is an inherent disconnect in the manner that the mind and the heart interact; they don’t. you see Lilith places an almost tar like cable separating the two so she can have her fun, as emotions would interrupt her spiritual mingle so to speak. These natives enjoy vocal banter and sparring as they get to test out their new tactics(subtly of course) on others and test the efficiency. These natives are brilliant writers and can often easily decorate a paper with words and diction that would make a literary scholar and professor of 99 years drop to his knees in astonishment and awe. they can color their words in such a way that can both woo you and terrify you with it’s effect. Many with this placement have seductive voices and can easily charm your clothes off in such a way you could even feel taken advantage of. both sexes are dangerous in this regard because although they can create a pretty little portrait for you, they are secretly knitting you in their twisted and often thoroughly planned web. these natives aren’t plutonion the sense that they actively seek to control their conversations or interactions, rather they do so in such a quiet and sincerely relaxed way that it’s as if it’s instinct to naturally swirl a mass into a a joyed get together, a fight into a compliment fest, or a tragedy into a miracle. They are intellectually 100 steps and 100 lifetimes ahead of you which is what makes being in their presence such a sincerely scary thing as they tend to be alphas in any interaction with everyone around them taking the place of common folk, in the presence of a lord. A rejection of ones thoughts and ideas and even knowledge by the world is common. the arms tend to either be hairless or sporting some dark moles, and scars here and there that seemingly seem to curve into a moon like shape. Lilith working positive here awakens premonition and cerebral awareness that far exceeds the normal person.

(New Order - Elegia)

Lilith In The Fourth House : The Nomadic Evil

Two things should be mentioned be for we carry on, This is Lilith And what we are speaking on is how her presence can effect that particular area of your life by infusing it with her darker scheme but make no mistake where she lay is often the area of life that needs her power the most as to protect the native from being dogmatically bulldozed over by the treachery of the world, she is both a blessing and a great evil. In the case of the fourth house Lilith can make the home life practically non-existent. It can create detachment or loose ties with ones heritage or familial upbringing. In both men and women this aspect can show that the families history is often dark and full of lose of power and regaining of it in darker ways through sexual and emotional expression and this can involve much of the female side of the family. their can be an innate disdain for other women or MEN especially with this but it’s more common to have a disdain for the conventional Mother and Father dynamic if anything. This can make the native feel rejected when home, or as if they don’t really belong, or in some cases like home is not a real conceptual desire. the family itself can seem almost alienated and far, and much of the early interactions may have been tense, overwhelming or the women in the family could've been survivors of dark acts such as rape, murder, abuse, violence, and or anything that would’ve likely been the result of a man or society failing to give them aid. When Lilith rest here positively the above is still true but the connection to the divine feminine and women in general is passionate and endearing and instills a lot of inner will power and drive in the native. the chest can be very boney and rather tight with the way the nerves and organs coil together. so sharp chest pain, and chest compression is common due to anxiety or strong emotions. the heart can also suffer from palpation and sloppy rhythm yet miraculously the heart is in amazing condition and seems to do well enough on it’s own to fix any potentially fatal issues(still go to the doctor if any symptoms get worse though!) the native tends to express emotions in a cold and rather aloof manner and can have a very hard time flowing into their more nurturing qualities mainly because they were never really exposed to nurturing in the same sense most people are, they attribute caring and compassion to being sturdy, independent and steadfast anything other than that is useless and unnecessary. overly emotional or overly clingy types and unfortunately even children can be a very hard battle for these natives as it clashes with their essence. these natives despise intimacy and tend to prefer being alone as opposed to having to connect and get intimate with others. that being said these natives are emotional, and deeply so but this is hidden behind a wall of trauma and a very well created mask. the thing is though the mask isn’t to protect them or anything rather it’s an instinctual action to create distance and to raise themselves above those who would try to dig past their facade. They are rather powerful in nature and have almost demonic/fallen angel like emotions, often feeling wrath rather than rage, feeling pride instead of courage and feeling lust instead of love, these natives emotionally exist on a darker emotional plane than anyone would ever be able to fathom. They are by no means fiction and i tell you this because these natives are genuinely so hard to understand, like a complex myriad of fluttered wings and bloodshed, navigating their pain, and their hardships is nearly impossible and this only worsens the older they get as they periodically build more and more mazes. the mind set is often attentive but far away, they can seem like passerby’s and have a extremely closed of nature making things such as friends or lovers seem a bit difficult. they are caring but rarely ever feel as if anyone is worth the expression, they are warm, but very rarely are they willing to create a sun. these natives are mysterious but not for the “look” of it, mainly because they live in their darkness so much so that it is who they are, and if anything thats the beauty of this placement they are an innocent angel with the whitest glowing wings dancing in the dark all alone, in peace far away from the commitments of the world.

(Big Black Delta - Huggin & Kissin )

Lilith In The Fifth House : The Volcanic sin

Lilith in this house is a vortex of madness, she swarms and dances in the highways and the swamps, in search of god. She’s so angry and filled like a wine glass with sorrow and lament shouting endlessly for him to hear her pleads. She’s grieving constantly, for what seems never ending. always, constantly in pain, constantly burning her wings and re-birthing over and over each time becoming something else, something more, something darker than before. These natives are seemingly passive and bothered by the world around them, critiques of art, disgusted by the things humans passionately wave their fist in the air for, they always seem disappointed or lacking in amusement at the creations of man. these natives can brim with an almost colony of souls the moment they see that desired star power, that human pitfall where all seems lost and someone surpasses their own abilities and broken bones, and armless and all rises even still. these natives value fearlessness in the face of ones own demise and destruction, rising above adversary without wasting a moment to dwell in the sadness of the situation, art littered in pain or trauma and it’s massive weight or the intensity of someone being able to vocalize that pain and it’s darkening wave excites them. they adore man at it’s weakest moments and the fight it takes to come above those heavy waters once more. These natives can be almost demonically cold to weakness in others, turning a blind eye to someone crying or complaints of a hard life, they tend to ice out people with sob stories and even more so they tend to find complete disgust at those who sell their sob story to the masses and are worshiped for their own self pity. these natives are true seekers of sorrow and strength and it’s often why Lilith in this position is almost at the same strength as the Descendant in deciding whom these natives marry. The lover often is a cold one, dark, intense and one whom has witnessed their fair share of sorrows hence their more stoic and serious nature. the love life of these natives can be pure hell, as the romantic partners especially when younger may be attracted and even obsessed with the natives but upon the natives seeking to consummate or initiate the bond past the courting stage the lover can reject the native, coldly as if they were dirt and openly choose another, or avoid the native all together and in some extreme cases the lover could be abusive or monstrous all due to the fear and powerful emotions the native drudges up in the lover. much pain will be felt but many re-births will be the result, the natives get far more cold, far more intense and even more selective as they age. much of the rejection is due to the native unconsciously turning a blind eye to what Lilith is trying to show them within themselves. Lilith seeks to help these natives process their own pain, and to love from within rather than seek it through another person which is often why up until that is learned these natives are given nothing but hate, mis-treatment, and sorrow. The relationship with children can be healing surprisingly, Children often are afraid of these natives (at first) but as time progresses and these natives get older and harness their inner love children naturally gravitate towards them, seeing them as a source of fun and excitement, children are often very protective and fond of Lilith in the fifth house natives often showering them with love and support. the deeper alignment here is that the natives are constantly carrying an energy of sadness and are often disconnected with the world around them due to their incredibly high standards of what counts as passion, they don’t just want love they want to feel it like a raging fire in their souls until it leaves nothing but ash. they want to feel sadness like a suffocating and deafening tsunami on a deadly storm in the sea. they want to love heir children with the force of all mother united, to feel sex like a turbulent storm of water and fire crashing into the earth like molten rock and icy cool. Sexually keeping up with these natives is impossible, they move like a wrathful archangel and can be practically insatiable. Often times these natives tend to find their suitable lover sometimes between their early 20′s or mid 30′s in most cases it’s early 20′s during college or ladder adolescence as the sun is progressed into the incoming sign and its often mid 30′s following the Saturn return due to the fact that these two will be in a close interaction. the back can have moles, beauty marks or freckles or even just sport a few scars and a more darker skin tone than the rest of the body. the Body of these natives is AMAZING. these natives can seem to have model figures or have very naturally erotic bodies that can make even the most innocent person look like a sultry, she- witch the second the clothes come off. Dancing and writing tend to be past times for these natives and they can be some of the most erotic, and talented dances you could ever have the blessing of seeing. Singing and physical activities are also past times and these natives are very obsessed with the body and tend to gravitate towards more physical and martial art like sports, due to their inherent flexibility and natural stamina and vitality. the overall health is deviously good and these natives tend to have impeccable recovering abilities often mentally dealing with sicknesses. These natives can seem like they are constantly bored or unamused which can make them seem intimidating or hard to please which is often why people feel so uncomfortable or as if they must be on their best behavior around them, this includes people above them and children. many people may seem stiff or cautious around these natives due to how stoic and carnal their eyes can seem in disapproval. these natives internally feel a endless state of heartbreak and can suffer from drastic bouts of depression to episodes of euphoric highs only to come crashing down with the speed of a collapsing wave. things don’t necessarily improve rather these natives learn to take these up and down pitfalls and rise and even stronger version, a darker one than before.These natives are not easy to connect to and can be very hard to gain the time of but assuming you have what it takes they are extremely loyal and deeply sown to the ones they give their hearts too. Be careful how or what you say or do to their family, husband or kids they will annihilate you with the scorn of a trillion dead and their are no lengths they fear crossing.

(New Order - Blue Monday)

Lilith In The Sixth House : The Burning Lambs

This Position of Lilith can seem like a backdoor or a darkened curtain off to the side in the natives personality. They can demand an almost unrealistic and un-sympathetic tone to the less then polished things in the world around them. These natives crave perfection and this isn’t something that’s a simple as the clean room, and perfectly tucked shirt, or carefully honed smile, these natives need and desire perfection at it’s core in a almost spotless representation of themselves to the point of which they would rather annihilate all around them that fails to meet this high expectation. these natives condemn the more instinctual sides of man, preferring to use the mind as their highest calling. many find it difficult to work with others, preferring not only to go in alone but they enjoy the weight of taking on a duty even if it leaves them in shambles. These natives have a furious tenacity that makes them bloodthirsty for positions at work, and trying to compete with them will be a fruitless effort as much of their being and dark intellect come into the matter. in many ways they are beautiful, innocent and contrasting as much of their allure lay in their seemingly angelic and pure nature. these natives have a strong level of discipline and self restriction only second to their Lilith in Capricorn and 10th house brethren. These natives can have billions of fires and storms raging within yet present the polished car, sleek black dress and rose-marry scented smile in the phase of an entire gathering as if they weren’t impaled in the deepest of depressions moments before. a certain level of seriousness and intensity cloud these natives as more often then not they make it a point to remain objective, detached and eerily focused on the objective at hand. ignorance is blasphemy to the natives and often a source of immediate disapproval and disgusts. These natives are very intolerant of many things especially those whom are overly dependent on instinct rather than logic. These natives are incredibly sensual and pleasures can be multi-faced much like their minds. they tend to be their most sexually powerful in sexual situations of inequality. They may prefer more dominant or submissive sexual partners and have a strong need for their darkness to be expressed through sex on a constant basis otherwise frustration and mental agitation is the result. the problem here is that this can cause the underdeveloped types to get into relationships mainly for the sexual outlet rather than the emotional growth. They are immensely loyal, but very rarely ever do they commit to someone as many prefer to be alone. the masturbating tends to be aggressive and volcanic in nature and often times these natives have such an earthy and tense sexuality their co-workers and even people in their everyday lives may feel uncomfortable or sexually aroused around the person due to the power of projection. The stomach can have scars, or moles upon it in some cases or may be the source of frequent emotional upsets. the health can fluctuate and reach moments of life or death both figuratively and in reality. feeling reborn after fighting a illness is common even if it’s something as small as a cold. the animals that the native deals with can be Lilithian in nature and have darker more dangerous attributes. the animals will have powerful personalities and will be treated as an equal by the Lilith person. Hunting animals for sport or having a more grudgingly relationship with animals is common here. These natives are incredibly resilient and steady but have a very inner ward pestilence that causes them to despise reliance or support of any kind.

(Hozier - Dinner & Diatribes )

Lilith In The Seventh House : The God In we, The Devil In Me

This position of all Lilith in the Houses is One of the most paradoxical and the most devastating. These natives are like a violent wheel of chance, filled with endless possibilities of both malefic and benevolent inclination. These natives can be the sweetest drop of honey, the warmest embrace and the lover of your fantasies dressed as human. They can be your wickedest nightmare, deepest wound and most prolific demon inhabiting your body and mind. They have a level of control on their environment that would put Scorpio to shame, a level of cunning that would silence Virgo and Gemini and an almost biblical like understanding of the human brain and it’s reactions, it’s fears, it’s pitfalls, and it’s quiet longings in such a way that Sagittarius and Capricorn would fall prey. the manipulation can be quiet and a bit hidden in it’s expression but it happens, sometimes unconsciously, other times in the light of day. these natives no matter how lighthearted their chart or how many grand trines and castle of Davids will have a very unbalanced inner world, fluctuating from nun to sinner. to many outsiders these natives are adorably understanding and patient, arguably the most giving and sacrificing person you’d ever meet but behind the sweetness these natives are deeply self invested and in many ways this isn’t a bad thing but it’s also a means of self preservation at the expense of others. These natives seem closer and more intimate then they actually intend and are one of the most difficult people to get to open up or trust you as they prefer to keep much of their interactions superficial and easy. Deeper connections are usually saved for potential love interest or marriage partners but they more than most people get to meet an entirely different beast. these natives can attract heavily Lilith aspected lovers whom are dark, tantric, intense and downright possessive and sexually demanding like hungry animals. The native themselves can project their own shadow side onto the people they interact with platonically or romantically which can create a hypocritical “why are you acting like that” mentality when the truth is that they themselves are the source of the heavy seated Lilith energy. This house is most dangerous as the natives tend to get that much more intense and dark when married, expressing their “real” self, the sinner, Persephone, the black witch, the fallen angel free of shackled purity. They can end up with marriage partners or lovers who seem completely opposite of them or rather a complete 360. the lover may have tattoos, work in a taboo field of work or the music industry funeral homes, a rock-star/musician, porn,martial arts, or drug trafficking and money laundering, running a prostitution rink, selling drugs, or things like hunting, poaching, lucrative work, government work, FBI, Military and so on. The partner is often serious and Intense but LOYAL. The native can be co-dependent and attract co-dependent relationships which are more dangerous here because of the Lilith like theme. The natives can be seductive and so sexually provocative that many people who may not even be that sexual are actively aroused or turned on by the Lilith in the 7th person, often caught up in their sultry atmosphere to the point where many may be in fear, or disdain of the natives effect on them. The other lot, married, committed or otherwise who cannot help themselves develop strong obsessions with these natives. Love is death for these natives and it needs to be littered with obsession, paranoia, possession, hate, love, intensity, pain, loss, rebirth and struggle for them to truly value it, although they may intentionally reject this and seek more peaceful unions, deep down in their heart of hearts they need that chaos to mend the woes and trios of faces and inhibitions tied to love and romance for them. The buttocks and back can be incredible. the natives may have birthmarks on the butt or darker skin on the area, men may have a hairy buttocks while both sexes may have a mole or scar of some sort here. the waist and hips flow like water and can make these natives excellent at riding or rather make cowgirl-reverse-cowgirl positions their favorites. these natives are dangerously seductive and can set a whole room of men and women in under their spell as this is a gender less sexuality expressed here often sucking up any unlucky fool who dares to gaze their way. the tell tale of these natives is their deep stare, it can feel like god is looking upon you, as if the devil is entrancing you, they seem like a taboo decision that will change your life and leave it in tethers.

( Allan Rayman - Crush)

Lilith In The Eighth House : The Way we speak to the fallen

Lilith is happy here, she resonates with Hades and Pluto, she understands their loss and contempt, their lament and dutiful weight. These natives can seem magnetic without much effort. much of their movement and reaction is stalled and cautious, yet never in a way that brings to much attention to them or their actions. They are observant and still much like a spider knitting it’s web and patiently waiting for that one impulsive mistake or haphazardly movement. They are cunning researchers of human nature, often playing fortuneteller when it comes to mingling with others. Their sexuality can feel like a heavy wave devouring you in a atmospheric way. they can be around you, next to you and above you all in one instant without moving an inch. Their personality is deep but mysterious as much of their real feelings and sexual desires are hidden behind screen doors and cleverly manipulated traps set to seduce or adhere those around them. These natives prefer the -nonchalant and rather un-bothered mode of emotional expression as much of their darker or more wild nature is focused and centered only on sex.Lilith here grants these natives the ability to use their darker more traumatic experiences as an battery for their rebirth. The worst in life slides of these natives like tar and from the tar rises a new silky smooth pair of wings with an even tougher exo-skeleton. the ability to heal the pain in themselves and in others is one of their best qualities as they are strongly sympathetic and patient with the darkness and pain in others. Lilith in the 8th house more than most people are deeply aware how trauma and pain can make us lash out or self destruct as a means of regaining control and as a result these natives are the least reactive to emotional displays or darker manipulation or coercive tactics by others. In all honesty these natives feel pity for such people and do what they can to rise above them. These natives aren’t as manipulative or as power hungry as Lilith in Scorpio and tend to prefer love unions built on respect and equality, they just prefer to have control in the bedroom, but have a very open and ardent nature to the sexual ventures in general. sex is VERY important to these natives but they don’t mind waiting years or decades if it means they could find the right person who satisfies their inner sexual need of being respected and recognized as a sexual being and “loved” for it. Here we see Lilith desire to be seen and recognized for her sexuality rather than cast out for her pride in it. these natives are very sensitive towards sexual partners and tend to have deep marriages as they work very hard to maintain the sexual chemistry and love in the union all the while force-ably putting the relationship through upheavals and moments of spiritual and emotional rebirth. These natives are mainly gifted with matters of inheritance and joint business dealings but can still attract money in rather taboo or off the script like fashions. The sexual partner may be the only person these natives share their money or savings with and the family may come second or not at all depending on the relationship with the mother. Many outsiders can be obsessed with the energy of these natives often acting like fan-girls/boys at the acknowledgement of the native which typically puts them off and rather disgust them. These natives fall for the unassuming or the lighthearted free spirits who see the light in everything. the ones with Lilith towards the end of this house prefer more stoic and intense lovers. The genitalia is FIRE! quite literally, men and women with this position have sexual organs that can bring the crazy out of a mountain. They can be very passionate and deep sexually, and will be one of the most biblical experiences you’ve ever had.

( Das Rocs - Maybe, I)

Lilith in The Ninth House : The God You Did Not Believe In

Lilith in the 9th is as massive as the solar system, seeking to spread her wings over all the neatly tucked books, and scriptures, digging her nails in the spoken word and rearranging it’s tones and vibrations to her sense of grandeur. Lilith here is the grand passion and the mighty mind of man. she sees fun and joy in the merriment of dancing in the knowledge and origin of the world and very rarely will you ever catch these natives poorly informed about any subject matter as they do much work to ensure that they know the where,why, how and when of the worlds history. They can seem arrogant or entranced in their own knowledge to the point of stepping on the ideas and thoughts of others. They can have an air of supremacy and carry an air of resistance or loathing of universities or higher schooling in general deeming it as a barrier to delving deeper into knowledge. others tend to dive head first into higher schooling to an almost obsessive quality, treating it like some insatiable candy they cannot get enough of, often returning to get multiple certifications and degrees just because they know they can. these natives have a strong dislike of strings attached or chains of obligations which makes them very unreliable and rather arms length in many of their interactions. to them sex and romance, life and death, love and hate should be experienced like an expansive adventure, a gift from the demons gods of hell to live as you please and grow beyond measure. The emotions can fly UP and DOWN, HERE and THERE but they are never consistent as these natives are always heading to the next spiritual obsession. Lilith here is free, SO endlessly free and she hates being all cooped up in a boring, stagnate environment which is often why these natives can seem like birds, and many share a strong understanding or compassion of winged creatures. The thighs can be darker than other parts of the body, have scars or moles or in many cases the thighs are often plump and thick depending on how deep Lilith sits in this house. the sexual arousal can be VERY fast for these natives, especially the men. they are turned on by the uncharted and many men with this placement love sex so much that they fuck men and women, anyone that has that sexy air of inhibition is everything they’ve been begging for. the foreign travels can be to darker lands, and might involve danger, death or turbulence of some kind so its advised to be safe, and very aware of yourself and others when ever you head out of the country. Lilith is VERY bubbly here so it’s no surprise that this Lilith is one of the hardest to spot.

(New Order - Vanishing Point)

Lilith In The Tenth House : The Suited Black Paint

Lilith here is operating in the cold black visor, the feathers loose and sparingly dancing cross the corporate office like jet black paint. These natives can Seem like a cold shower, or some devastatingly subtle but violent train crash with a almost quiet disharmonious backdrop. The ambitious nature of these natives is their strong suite but also one of their most dangerous past times. these natives seek the top and can often use their black wings to blow away the competition, sometimes through charm, manipulation, scandals, black- mail, sexual liaisons or downright intimidation. These natives prefer to be in charge and don’t stay in the passenger seat of any corporation, business, activity for very long as their natural desire to sit on top triumphs above all else. Their careers can be of Lilith like nature or just be drenched in Lilith like themes, such as sexual objectification which is especially the case with women or, emotional black-mail, power plays and power trips or downright psycho-analytics. These natives are often seen as a threat by their colleagues and in true Lilith story line fashion the workers can act as god and attempt to cats him or her out of the workplace, in some ways out of fear and in others out of jealousy. Many times over the bosses or corporate peers can be perverted, dubious and false in their intent. The natives tend to have a ridiculously thick skin and easily create emotional block aids and emotional barriers as a means of alienating their issues and problems as opposes to facing them. this is not done out of a fear of what they feel, rather to them the time necessary to deal with their emotional issues is time that could be used getting ahead. these natives can be filthy in the means that they go about rising in the ranks and can be even more cold and aloof to lovers whom fail to showcase ambition or a grounded and realistic outlook on their future. These aren’t the types to marry dreamers or people who spend more time talking about their future than creating it. These natives bare Lilith disdain for the lord and because of this they tend not to place things in the hand of chance or prayer, rather they believe in actively going out to create the destiny and circumstance they desire. These natives often have a hard relationship with the father or one that is strained in some way, this can even be a step father or male relative of some kind. their is an inability to submit to the darker expression of their sexuality emotionally rather, they remain objective and steady sexually even when it’s something that should be expressed in a relaxed and calm way. Due to this their sexuality can be very BDSM and Power play friendly, they like to feel in control or be completely controlled by their sexual partners and this can sometimes be in such a way that the natives need to feel emasculated or pain in order to feel ‘alive” though this behavior is only in extreme versions. Much of the darker energy of Lilith is projected towards racing to the top, a insurmountable hill that never seems to end. these natives don’t realize that Lilith is trying to overcompensate for her perceived short comings and is on an endless tirade to prove(god) of her worthiness and power but in reflection to the natives this symbolizes a inner feeling of being inadequate or lacking in worth via their environment and their familial upbringing that is to be addressed before the native becomes engulfed in Lilith Dogma. these natives are as harsh as granite and can often struggle with the softer expression of sex and intimacy as they naturally detach and shut down emotionally from these things out of an instinctual need. That said the relationship with the children unlike their fourth house counterpart is not nearly as strained and is actually very close knit and loving. These natives give their children the world almost to compensate for what the native lacked as they themselves grew up. the kids come first in their lives, before the marriage partner and this can often cause a ripple in their marriages and one they don’t typically care to fix. these natives tend to have sharp peaks and ridges in the bone and can have rather great bone structure. under eye bags or just tightly clenched resting faces is common, beautiful smiles but these natives usually try not to smile in public.

(New Order - Leave Me Alone)

Lilith In The Eleventh House : The Millions of Lost Souls

Lilith here is Many but also few. Here Lilith understands the human psyche, she understands its’s pains because she understand the worlds pain, she sees it’s cycle. These natives are Em-paths and have a very difficult time separating their woes from the woes of others. These natives can feel the emotions of others in such an intense way that it often feels like a shock or jolt that can energize or deplete them. These natives have a keen ability of harmonizing with whatever environment you place them in but can also create chaos there by crowding up the energies. Lilith here is like a battery constantly debilitating and then re-vitalizing the area around her postivley or negativity afflicting her environment. These natives tend to attract Lilith like friends whom are often, serious, sultry, provocative, reckless, anarchist, aggressive, shady, mysterious or downright evil. These natives are not naive, and tend to be very aware of their energy and how it manifest as a great many with this placement take on a very nomadic and free spirit. Many like to wear chakra stones, and jewelry that furthers their individualistic expression. The ankles and calves of the native tend to be darker then the rest of the body or remarkably sturdy. they may still have scars or just a abnormality to them. These natives make excellent runners and many gravitate towards the sport whilst others may pick up singing or artistic expression. Lilith here is more passive than she is a troublemaker, choosing more so to lay low and experiment with her own individual self then that of others. these natives can express themselves in ways that can turn society upside down, or greatly challenge the status quo. Gender normalties are lost on these natives as they don’t really identify themselves as anything in particular, rather they are energy, constantly shifting through the cosmos. These natives have a sharp tongue that can quickly turn poisonous yet they don’t actively rely on it. Due to Lilith being so self invested in this house very rarely will the dark side of this native produce any dangerous or malefic habits, rather they will seem calm and vulnerable to the world around them. sexually they can be very quirky and new-ons. they see intimacy as a gate way to exploring their raw and darker angel and transverse sexuality in stride. that being said these natives are very odd and perplexing in matters of romance and sex and can easily fly back and forth between wants and needs sexually as Lilith is really just testing the waters. the mind is deep but depressive and these natives can suffer mighty highs and strange lows from nowhere but never anything that debilitates them. these natives are very kind and balance self centered and people centered quite naturally through the help of Lilith.

(New Order - Guilty Partner)

Lilith In The Twelfth House : The Clouds where she Scram A Mighty Scream

Lilith in this house is chaos, the reasoning being that Lilith in this house is grappling with the idea of undoing and self manifested characterization. Lilith doesn’t face her actions she seeks to free herself from them and in karmic fashion the evil in her is sent spiraling back at her. These natives are sensual, calm, intimate, healing, clairvoyant, em-paths, spiritualist, pacifist, slaves of justice and human weakness yet they also manifest as unstable, counter-productive, stagnate, false, and stuck in their escapism. These natives are so afraid of themselves that it becomes an unconscious struggle between their Lilith and them as a person. this aspect plays out like a Demonic possession. The person can feel entangled, low energy, or bouts of hedonism, sexual obscurity, impulsive action, and substance abuse that are all out of character. The thing here is that Lilith in her attempt to commit a grand escape has a chain caught on the native causing her woes and anguishes to be randomly transferred to the native. in many ways this can create an alter ego for the native as the native gets hit with personality shifts that progressively deepen as they get older. the dreams can be very LILITH like and the mind itself and it’s inner psyche can feel like hovering voices, paranoia and dreams of sharing or not being in control of ones on desires and feelings or even actions. This aspect can create a person who can seem moody and unpredictable, especially when the urge to detach and disengage pops in, it can be impossible to stop these natives. the sexuality falls on a spectrum like with all humans but with Lilith's inhabitants their can be an unconscious desire to stay celibate or an association of trauma with sex. Men and women here could've been sexually abused or taken advantage of and their can be issues surrounding the “yes” or “no, i don’t want to” in sex that can make it a very blurred area for the native. Lilith may want aggression, passion and complete domination but the person may not truly resonate or desire that and may feel appalled or fear if the personalities switch during sex. these natives NEED a sensitive and compassionate lover who will guide them and nurture them, lovers who are chosen during the Lilith persona tend to worsen and deepen the wounds of this person causing a higher frequency of escapism. I CANNOT stress enough that parents who have kids with this placement, please ensure your child is well aware of the dangers of sex and try to keep them somewhat grounded in the area as some of the emotional trauma can start very early and these natives do sadly attract the worse of the worse mainly due to how violent and angry Lilith is to be resting in this house. the natives can be seductive but its never intended, they can be provocative but it’s never something they are aware of. these natives are a mirror of the person who views them and can be a dream or nightmare but that is the power of Lilith here, even in her escape she creates a shadow in the clouds that can be anything the heart fears or wishes. these natives can sleep for LONG hours and have a hard time waking up. The nightmares tend to be hard for them to awake from and can make the natives fear going to sleep all together. Insomnia is another manifestation later in life but is not the norm. the brain is powerful but repressed. the natives can be highly sensitive to hospitals or jails and usually attributes jails to danger and naturally stay away from them and out of trouble. these natives have a natural distrust of hospitals and vice versa as in many cases things go array or seem shadier than they should. that being said later in life hospitals are crucial for the native and therapy in it’s own way is very healing for the native. the desire to use sex as a coping mechanism is a dangerous possibility here and one that should be avoided at all costs. these natives are lovers not fighters and that is their loveliest quality but also their biggest weakness. unlike the other houses whom are fusions between the natives and Lilith this house is the only house besides the 11th house in which 11th and the native are separate and because of the natives emotional nature, Lilith readily devours them. These natives must learn to fight otherwise they will fall victim to Lilith's heavy presence. through their battle with Lilith these natives become remarkably strong, often powerful spiritualist and even stronger at protecting themselves from dark energy in their later years.

#Mine #Lilith in the houses

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jinruihokankeikaku · 4 years

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Oops, My bad! I didn’t see that you already did an analysis on the Prince of Life, I should’ve checked :P. I do have one question, how did you figure out what your classpect was and do you have any advice for people trying to figure it out? Thanks for your amazing blog btw!

Hey, I’m so glad you’vve 8een enjoyin the 8log!! This post wwound up 8ein a 8it more long-wwinded than I had initially intended, 8ut I hope you find it useful nonetheless!! ^^^^v^^^^

The Big Classpect Essay {Part 1 of ???}

(A/N: You kneww this wwas 8ound to happen evventually ::::p)

Introduction

Hey, I meant to get to this ask sooner cos I think it’s a really interesting one. Back when I first got into this stuff, as a brand-new Homestuck fan in two thousand and fourteen, there was a lot less in the way of canon information on the Aspects, and so most of the available quizzes - with all due respect to their creators - were rather off-base in one or more respects. In all honesty, I don’t think quizzes are ideal for this kind of thing, because they will be a) influenced by the unconscious bias of the person who created them and b) lack on account of their medium the archetypal-unconscious element that is so crucial to both classes and Aspects. That said, I will be linking to an Aspect quiz that attempts to extend the canonical one to increase the accuracy of results without altering the canonical content, because I think that’s a great goal and it’s pretty much the best Aspect quiz out there.

With that said, I want to first get into what I conceive of the Classes and Aspects as, through the lens of the Game as a creation myth. “Classpects” is a shorthand for Mythological Roles, which carries with it both the implication that your Class and Aspect are Roles to be fulfilled, and that those Roles exist on a level of reality beyond that which you currently inhabit. To borrow the “Pataphysical Sandwich” model from certain SCP Foundation stories, the Roles exist on the layer above you - the meta-textual layer. The Roles are more real than the Players bound to them - they are ultimately metanarrative concepts mapped onto in-narrative people. Before this tangent turns into a proper ramble, I’ll use my metanarrative authorial agency to cut it short by saying this: in order to determine your Mythological Role, you must first conceive of your life as a narrative. The Classes and Aspects will mean little to naught if you don’t.

Part 1a: Dialectics, babeyyyyyyyy

Dualism. Homestuck is full of it. If you look closely, you’ll find it everywhere in the story. You’ll also find plenty of it in real life - adherents of the dialectical method tend to conceive of any “thing” - thing here meaning “physical artefact, concept, fundamental force, person, &c&c. - as a unity of two conflicting opposites. As it just so happens, the Classes and Aspects are about exactly that. For example, the Aspects (on the meta level) can be paired off like so -

{Hope and Rage = Belief and disbelief &

Heart and Mind = Essence and existence (or intention and consequence if you prefer)} = Conclusions and conceptions [from whence we draw them]

{Space and Time = Inception and culmination &

Light and Void = Perception and oblivion} = Reality and perception [thereof]

{Life and Doom = Growth and decay &

Blood and Breath = Attachment and detachment} = Relation and position [in the relationship]

- and the Classes like so –

{Rogue & Thief} and {Page & Knight} = Distribution and application (who has the Aspect and how are they applying it?)

{Bard & Prince} and {Sylph & Maid} = Destruction and creation (should more or less of the Aspect exist)

{Heir & Witch} and {Seer and Mage} = Manipulation and comprehension (what is the Aspect like, and will it remain so?)

(we’re going to set aside the Active-Passive deal, which is a dialectic in its own right, for the moment.)

The important thing to note here is that each component of an opposed pair/quartet of Classes and Aspects is both opposed to and dependent upon its counterpart(s). One cannot believe a things without disbelieving another thing, nor can you disbelieve a thing without believing another; likewise, one cannot manipulate a thing without first understanding it to a degree, and cannot understand a thing without to some degree manipulating it (and so on).

Part 1b: Knowing Your Role

I think the best way to determine your Role is to determine your Aspect first, then to determine your Class Function based on how you interact with your Aspect. Finally, you’ll determine whether you play an Active Role or a Passive one (which I’ll cover in greater depth in a moment, but which ultimately boils down to

To determine your own Aspect, as I see it, you need to think about the following things, in roughly the following order (though the order isn’t all that strict) –

· Do you feel most drawn to the dialectic of belief and conception, of reality and perception, or of relation and position? (These correspond to the Personal, Actual, and Cyclical Aspect Sources from my 3x4 Aspect Theory)

· Within that Source, do you feel most drawn to the former or the latter concept?

· Within that concept, do you feel most drawn to the former or latter Aspect?

For example, if one felt most drawn to the dialectic of Relation and Position, one would then compare their relationship to those two concepts. If one were to decide that they felt most drawn to the process of interrelation as a whole, rather than to their own position within that process, one would then compare the two given processes of interrelation, Doom and Life, growth and decay. Because these last two notions are so directly opposed to one another, it shouldn’t be difficult to choose between them. Your Aspect represents the most salient repeated pattern in your life’s narrative, while your Class represents the way in which you, as the protagonist of the narrative, aspire to interact with that pattern. So, suppose our hypothetical Role-seeker were to settle on decay (Doom) as the most consistent pattern in their life – perhaps they’ve literally suffered material losses, or perhaps they’re just attracted to the aesthetic of Doom and decay as it manifests in their lives. Either of those “callings” is equally valid, and equally likely to suggest that one is (for example) Doom-bound. If this process seems overly loose, open-ended, and chaotic, that’s because it is; Classpecting is an art, not a science.

Now suppose our Doom-bound player wants to find their Class. They’d go through a rather similar process – first, they’ll select which question / functional dialectic comes closest to encompassing their aspirations, their designs, on their Aspect. Do they care most about the Aspect’s position/purpose, its existence/nonexistence, or its nature/potential for change? Perhaps they’re most interested in the nature of Doom, rather than how much of it is present or what is being done with it. They’d then decide whether they want to understand that nature, or alter that nature, which should leave them with a single Active-Passive pair – the Mage and the Seer.

In order to determine whether one aspires to play an Active or a Passive role, there are many questions that one might ask oneself. In general, however, the following principles tend to preside –

· Active Heroes tend to interact with their Aspect for their own benefit, rather than the benefit of the Aspect or of other individuals; they will likely consider the Aspect to serve them, rather than considering themselves to serve the Aspect; and they will be most adept at interacting with their Aspect in particularly intense or unique ways. They may be considered to induce or provoke activity of a particular kind in their Aspect. They tend to have more precise control over their Aspect, at the expense of raw potential.

· Passive Heroes tend to interact with their Aspect for the benefit of the Aspect, or for the benefit of those close to them; they will likely consider themselves to serve the Aspect, rather than vice versa; and they will be most adept at interacting with their Aspect in intuitive or natural ways. They may be considered to invite or allow activity of a particular kind in their Aspect. They tend to have more raw potential within their Aspect’s domains than they have control over how that potential manifests.

So, to finish our hypothetical example Classpect investigation, our Doom-bound Comprehension-player may decide they are more interested in forcing their way towards a precise personal understanding of Doom than they are inclined to inviting contemplation of Doom’s mysteries. This would suggest that they’re an Active player, and with that final piece of information, they can conclude that they’re a Mage of Doom!! Note that it’s normal to be pulled in both directions when contemplating this question – the key is to remember that your Class is a representation of who you aspire to be, not who you are right now. The Game is a coming-of-age story, and heroes don’t go into it without a long and winding road ahead of them.

And that’s it for part one!! There will no doubt be More to Come, but I hope you found this basic outline of my Classpecting system at least somewhat helpful. Thanks for the ask!!

~ P L U R ~

#Classpecting #Classpect #Classpect analysis #Homestuck #Classpect Theory #Class #Aspect #Mythological Role #anon #ask

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