#it's not fucking cool to clown on someone's art/style to their faces and if you think it is you need to be taught a harsh lesson

[storytellering]

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#Can't believe I even have to say this but unfriendly reminder! #if you reblog my shit just to be rude in the tags expect to be blocked! #like literally i dont give a shit about trolls antis whatever. online people will be online ppl whatever #but people being needlessly rude about strangers' art boils my blood #whether its my own or anyone else's #you do know that artists see your tags when you reblog our posts right? #you're not yelling in an echo chamber with your buddies. #if you wanna make fun of my art in private with your friends i literally don't care nor can i stop you #but for god's sake learn some basic fucking decency #signed: an artist very tired of seeing how needlessly rude and cruel younger people are about art in this day and age #it's not fucking cool to clown on someone's art/style to their faces and if you think it is you need to be taught a harsh lesson #also social media is way more public than you think it is #learn to use fucking gc's and dm's people #don't you have friends you can yap to

[in-death-we-fall]

Slipknot

The Tightest Knots Never Fray

Metal Edge 48-11, March 2003

By Roger Lotring

(google drive link) Murderdolls interview here – Stone Sour interview here

“Someone has to bring down the whore, dude,” says Shawn Crahan, determinedly addressing the soulless gluttony that has devoured integrity from contemporary music. “I’ve been all over the place,” he admits, readily likening his foregone ranting as being “almost schizophrenic, man.” But for #6—the Clown percussionist of Slipknot—the corporate impurity that desecrates his sacred rock ‘n’ roll art form pits him as the proverbial David in the face of a Goliath. “People always say Clown’s a fuckin’ retard genius,” he exhilarates. “And I say, ‘You’re right.’ I’ve taken an oath, spilled a lot of blood, and I’m part of an organization that is going to do nothing but bring down the pig.”

The challenge of Disasterpieces is the first of the slings and arrows. A turbulently intense package, the very first Slipknot DVD is largely centered around a February 2002 live performance filmed at the London Arena. A fast-paced style of editing moves conjunctively with 5.1 surround sound to overwhelm both the aural and visual senses, making for an extreme Slipknot experience. An accompanying second disc features a video history of the band, including the banned clip for “Spit It Out,” plus a previously unreleased animated version of “Wait And Bleed.” Enhanced bonus material and an exclusive audio track—”Purity”—make this DVD the gauntlet of a challenge to sedentary bands reigning over hard rock popularity. “I’ve kind of made the DVD like, ‘Look, if you’re not this good, and you don’t know what the fuck’s going on, why don’t you quit and do us all a favor?’” Moreover, Disasterpieces is an architectural draft by which metal fans can judge what to expect from their music. Nothing less will suffice anymore in a landscape of media saturated mediocrity.

“It’s the cattle thing,” Clown defines, a cultural popularity branded by lethargy. “If you’re not at the back of the pack, something in life forced you to be at the front,” he says, intimating music fans as an order of natural selection. “There’s probably a chance for everyone, but it means we’re going to have to go, ‘Hey, you guys at the back of the pack, they’re going to eat you, do you understand?’” It’s what he calls an education. “That’s what Disasterpieces is,” he says by comparison, something by which metal fans can decipher the natural order of musical innovation.

Metal Edge sat down on a Saturday afternoon for an intense conversation with Clown about Disasterpieces, as well as his perspective on the Stone Sour and Murderdolls branches of the Slipknot family tree. “I used to talk about unity and pushing forward,” he concedes, noting that, “I think Slipknot did that to the point that we don’t need to anymore. Now, it’s obvious all of us are looking for our insides. We are trying to evolve Slipknot. All of us need to fuckin’ find some stuff for ourselves,” he explains, assuring diehard Slipknot fans that “they ain’t got nothing to worry about. Let the Maggots know it’s all coming for ‘em. We’re not getting older, we’re getting better.”

METAL EDGE: Is the Disasterpieces DVD meant as a means of focusing attention on Slipknot in the interim before a new album? SHAWN CRAHAN: Most people in the world have to realize that we, the band, have been doing this for seven years. We’ve been doing it professionally, nonstop, for four years. We just got to the point where we understand what home is. So, everybody’s kind of doing their own thing right now—which is totally cool with everybody in the band—because we need time. The third album is coming, right around the corner, and we know it’s going to be different. No one has to be worried about anything drastically changing, ‘cause we’re pretty focused on what we need to be. However, the third one, I think it’s gonna be a really crazy, weird, all-out war. Every member is gonna bring who he is to the table, with all the experience he’s downloaded for the last seven years. This DVD was never intended to let people know that we were alright or whatever. It’ll run its course for two or three months, and we’re starting to write the new album in January—not all of us, but people are gonna fall into place as need be. But, like I said, man, this new album’s gonna be completely insane, as far as I’m concerned.

ME: Would it be fair to say that this DVD almost closes a chapter of Slipknot? SC: I’ve been getting into a lot of trouble lately, because I’ve been telling people that it ends an era. And I don't care what anyone says about it, it ends an era. I’m not interested—the Clown is not interested—in using goats anymore. I’m not interested in half the shit that’s on our stage. Have I talked about this with everyone else? No. But I do a lot of that stuff, and I’m just not interested in the Iowa show no more. I mean, I’m done, I’m bored, and it’s over with. The DVD captured it as best as we could. There were over ten thousand people, over twenty-one cameras, and it was just pure mayhem. You got the most of the show that we could do, that we did for Iowa for over a year.

ME: But isn’t that the point? Why continue doing the Iowa show? It wasn’t meant to be forever, it was meant to be that album. SC: Right, I think people just think that we’re breaking up, or something stupid like that. But no, it’s absolutely the end of an era, get fucking used to it! People change. Fourteen-year-old fans that were there [when] we came out, they’re eighteen now. We’re changing, too, and if no one likes it, fuck off.

ME: You mentioned that this project consisted of a multiple camera shoot, comprising a double DVD. When the idea was first conceived, was it readily apparent that it was going to be so intensive? SC: I knew what was going to happen. I came up with the idea of so many cameras, and the reason was, before, we had only a couple that would film the band. I would just pretty much almost shoot myself, every time we got something in, ‘cause I was so disappointed. Great, you got footage of Sid jumping in the crowd, but what about Joey’s excellent footwork? Where’s all the angles? So, I knew we were going to have a monster. They were talking about one disc, but I knew it would be literally impossible. There’s over four thousand edits in the show itself, and that just takes a lot of information for a computer to recognize.

ME: But with a band like Slipknot, and what it does onstage, you almost have to do it the way Disasterpieces was done, because if you’re at the show, visually, there’s so much going on. SC: That’s how I edited the whole thing with Phil [Richardson]. We edited it like we were in the front row. The reason why I was so excited about being able to do this project was, just like you said, yes, it moves very fast. But how is it moving? Is it moving out-of-control, or is it literally going Clown… Chris… joey… Mick… Sid… Paul… Jim… Mick… Clown… Sid—Ya’ know what I mean? That’s what it’s doing. You’re literally getting to see the chaos as it’s being done. Yeah, it moves very quick, but so does Slipknot. [Laughing] This is for kids to identify with what the fuck exactly goes on at a Slipknot show—Who starts what, who’s playing where, and what they’re doing while they’re doing it. This is all about cues, and the only way to do it right is to do it quickly. Plus, I don’t make anything for the weak, dude. I am here to cleanse the weak away from the idea known as Slipknot. I only want people that understand, because after they take it all in, they’re teachers. And they’ll go out and start molding the future. I’ve kind of made this DVD like, ‘Look, if you’re not this good, why don’t you quit now and do us all a favor?’ That’s how angry I am at the music scene. I understand music has to move, but I’ve never felt so sorry for people listening to music right now, ‘cause it’s fucking crap! Nu Metal? Garbage! It’s garbage, dude! It is! If you know you’re a nu metal band, you’re fucking garbage, end of story. This DVD is about real music, real players—there’s not one musical overdub in the whole thing. What you hear is what happened that night. The only thing that was done, I believe, was in the beginning of “Purity,” because the pyro blew up a couple of the mics. I don’t know any bands that can go through an hour-and-a-half of intensive, dead-on musicianship as we do. I pride myself very, very much to be honored in a band in such good company, ‘cause we’re all incredible musicians, and we make it fly.

ME: So it’s fair to say that this DVD is a challenge to any other band out there right now? If you can’t live up to this… SC: …If you can’t live up to this, why are you even bullshitting? I’ve been on tour with bands that suck. And I’m looking at 'em like, ‘You got a record deal? You’re getting a chance to change the world? Who signed you, some fuckin’ dork? Some idiot over at some big company that knows the formula?’ Man, they’re all losers, dude. Record people get a formula of something that works—Just take Slipknot, for example. Look at all the little fashion statements that have been started, because a band like Slipknot works. Most of the idiots that sign bands because of us are people that said no to Slipknot. I could call four people out from every label. The industry’s a fuckin’ joke, dude! I’m in rock ‘n’ roll, and I’ve never been so embarrassed to be a part of something in my entire life. But it doesn’t matter, dude, ‘cause Slipknot’s there. That’s what we stand for, and that’s what we break down.

ME: Isn’t that a cue, then, with your band being a leader within the rock genre, to throw a monkey wrench into it and make a total left turn? SC: I think so. I never sit here and intend to break the rules. I go, ‘This is the band I’m in.’ The whole time I was editing the DVD, I said, ‘Oh my God, I’m in that band! Yeah, I’m getting to design this, and the whole idea of the DVD is mine, but holy fuck, that’s me in the band! I’m in this band!’

ME: It’s a little surreal, isn’t it? SC: Oh, it’s completely surreal, man! I am so honored to be in the company of eight dudes that fuckin’ throw down. We throw down, man, and I’m proud of it. And I’m not gonna sit back like other people in the band—Everybody would be humble. I don’t care anymore! If your band isn’t this good, then you suck! I’m tired of all the political bullshit, all the bands making fun of us, talking shit. Well, guess what? All your bands suck. None of you could do what we do. I’ve watched all of you, and it doesn’t happen. You come short.

ME: It’s like the early days of KISS, when they would be ridiculed, and then blow other bands off the stage. Nobody would be laughing afterward. SC: We’re actually now managed by KISS’ manager. And we’ve talked a couple stories, ‘cause I play music because of KISS. That was my introduction to music. In the early stages, no one knew what they looked like, and people used to flip out. And I was thinking, goddamn, that sounds a lot like Slipknot!

ME: Watching Disasterpieces, everybody’s faces have been carefully obscured to preserve that mystique. But is the marketing necessity of Murderdolls and Stone Sour detrimental to Slipknot? Joey, Corey and Jim have all been unmasked. SC: I don’t know how to answer that, man. I love Joey, Corey and Jim—As I love everybody in the band. However, things have changed now, and they’re the only ones that have to live with that. And they’re the ones that have to be responsible for that. It is what it is, man, but I don’t think it matters. Joey and Corey and Jim have found another extension of themselves, okay, and I want to clear it up. Corey is a genius. He writes all the time, all day long. I got notebooks that he’s just left laying around, full of conceptual pieces. Some belong to Slipknot, some belong to Corey Taylor. There’s things he won’t even bring to Slipknot, because it’s not the ‘Knot. And no one knows that better than Corey. Think about what he did, man. I mean, he takes the mask off—You know how hard that was? And he did it, and he’s succeeding. And I say, good for him, because that’s what Slipknot stands for. Recently, I said we’re the biggest punk band in the world. I didn’t mean like we’re a punk band, [but] I mean we live the punk feeling. We’re the biggest metal band in the world, and I got three dudes trouncing around the world without masks, succeeding, okay? That’s exactly what Slipknot is.

ME: Meaning that Slipknot is at the point where it can fly in the face of convention and do whatever it likes. SC: I think what we’ve always preached, if we’ve preached anything, is to thyself be true. Don’t ever judge me, just let me do my fucking thing. We’re Slipknot. We stand up and teach kids to stand up! Fight for who you are! Be who you are, don’t worry about it. And now, my own members are like, ‘I gotta do this.’ They go up against all odds and break down all the fuckin’ walls. And they look everybody in the face with their real face, after relying on rubber masks for fucking years? People need to shut up. Fucking ignorance, man! I don’t care what any of ‘em say, we do what we want.

ME: Isn’t that the fundamental basis of being in rock ‘n’ roll to begin with? SC: Yeah! You got Slipknot, now you got the Murderdolls, you got Stone Sour—I will bet my left testicle, there will be other things. Who knows? Every member of the band might have its own entity, and then get together as Slipknot. Oh, some might suck, some might be good. But the point is, what do you do with your life? Most people that have an opinion, aren’t you just cattle being programmed with the imprint? I’m ready for this whole thing to change, man. I’m ready for the pictures in your magazine to change color; I’m ready for people to start talking about things they want, instead of their editors. I’m ready for bands to start telling the truth and lift the veil of rock ‘n’ roll, instead of all this bullshit.

ME: Have you listened to either the Stone Sour or Murderdolls albums yet? SC: Oh, yeah. I listened to the Murderdolls by myself—Joey gave me the copy. When we’re on the road, we’re both very, very busy, and we don’t have a lot of Shawn and Joe time. But Corey, when we were in Europe last time, we both happened to be up very early in the morning, and we were on a long drive. I got to listen to the whole Stone Sour album with Corey. Sitting there with the creator of it, somehow I understood all of it and knew where he was going. I even told him what his next single after “Bother” would be.

ME: Their exploration of musical direction will be invigorating when working on a new Slipknot album. That’s going to be the most positive effect on what the band comes up with, creatively. SC: Yeah. I would have used to have told you that I’d have my people take your head off with that explanation, but I agree with you now. I mean, dude, we’ve been going for four fucking years. Only now can I say thank you to the rest of the guys for allowing ourselves to be home and figure it out. And let me tell you, the three years before being signed—Pure hell. You want to see the evolvement of Slipknot? It took fuckin’ years. I used to wear a Barney outfit. One weekend, I’d be Barney, the next, I’d be a priest. Mick would be Little Bo Peep—Look at Mick, almost seven foot tall, in a Little Bo Peep outfit, slamming with a bonnet on.

ME: But that makes sense, because it wouldn’t have worked if it was something formulated. SC: No! I’ll be honest, man, I hurt some feelings when those guys did that. I hurt some serious feelings. I think people are still angry at me, ya’ know? And that’s cool. I don’t give a fuck. So what? [Laughing] But I take the responsibility of Slipknot hardcore, man. We gave these kids with nothing, something. They were the ones that were so far gone, they were like, I’m outta here, I’m gonna kill myself. Boom—Slipknot comes alone. I’ve had kids wear Slipknot shirts—you know how they are when they wear Slipknot shirts—it’s like a fucking army. They’ll wash it every day, to wear it every day. It lets other kids now (sic) what kind of kid they are. It’s a mentality. That kid is basically telling us where he’s at, by wearing that statement. That’s why I get so nuts, [and] why people are mad at me. Slipknot’s come to a point where—we know we’re a band, dude—but we’ve become icons of responsibility in the world we live in. I try to live my words, man. I try to be really, really responsible.

#lemme know if you want anything else from this scanned #slipknot #shawn crahan #metal edge 48-11 mar 2003 #interview #corey taylor #joey jordison #jim root #chris fehn #paul gray #craig jones #mick thomson #sid wilson #THEY'RE ALL IN THE PICTURES I'M SORRY

[aghostrandom]

It arrived witch reboot's book so here a reaction cause i can. stop me (please stop me)

I didn't axpected it t oarrive today i'm so happy and its cover is so shiny i love it i love it i love it i love it.

Ok, but let's talk about the story/characters. I'm going to write this while I read it so the english will be bad and i'll be bad and everyting will be bad lol and there will be SPOILERS and i don't know how to speak and i'm autisitc and dumb and old so yeah let's start

Ok, first of all I LOVE the art style. It's cute and the colors are wonderful.

Will is basically the same.

I LOVE her relationship with her mom. It's a pity for her nationality, but I love their relationships here. If the og had her as a "mom friend", here she has more "big sister vibes".

Hay Lin and her grandma gives me the same vibes of the og comic: I love them. I love them. I love them. I love them so much. I'm just sad that Yan Lin is not in the comic for long and that she's in China. I really hope to see her soon (expecially if they're going to kill her as in the og...)

Cornelia and Irma are cute and funny I like them. Nothing to say about them, they're very much like the original... even if it makes me laugh the fact they gave Irma's "I have a crush for everybody" side to Elyon. Idk, I think that's neat.

I hate Taranee. I really really hope to start to like her later, but for now I keep thinking about how much I miss my bookworm shy math lover, bug hater girl 😭😭 Even because she's there being just ":/...... >:/" all the time... resting bitch face syndrome....

Ok, but for now, they're not so bad. I didn't really spoke about Elyon, but for now I like them... They can make a lot of things with this girls and I can't wait.

Ok, now... Kandrakar. I kinda hated the aesthetic with screens they have.. but I was thinking about how much I hate them and... well... I kinda like them now? I mean, there's Luba with 2 faces. I love her, I can't wait to see her die for the guardians. I can't wait to see how Orube will be, since she's her teacher. Also, Seeing them so "no human" made me think about the scene where Himerish in og, becomes again what he was before becoming an oracle, and Idk, I thought about that wscene with these oracles and it would be very cool... Like, Himerish that becomes a somehow humanish creature (or whatever creatures they'll design for basiliade) and then he's there like "I have no idea what my name was" and it all ends bad. Himerish I love you, I miss you my bald dumb guy... ALSO, the fact that Yan Lin will join them... I mean, if they'll chose to do that. I think it would be sooo cool.... I really hope to keep liking them, I don't want to hate my boy Himerish and my girl Luba, please, don't make me hate them 😭😭

"When are you going to tell me what happened" "After, to the library" "Are you angry at me?🥺" "Why should I?" Cornelia, mood. I'm so sorry girl for your paranoia, I love you...

Speaking of Cornelia, I hate her sister, theor relationship hits to much near home for me, so yeah, I'm going to love Cornelia for this sorry

The fact that here they didn't retcon the fact that Irma's mom is not her biological mom and so, they can work that storyline from the beginning in a better way is the cutest thing ever. I love them and I love the storyline and I know I'm going to love all of this family (even if Chris is different, but who cares about Chris). (I'm sorry, I love this storyline from the og comic, but I'll always hate how they created if for /them/, even if the are literally identical to each others. But that's just a my pet peeve, sorry).

Irma here is more a dumbdumb than a clown, but it's ok, I love her. og Irma would love her dumbness.

Matt, you're cute, but if I'm gonna hear another fucking time "soccer", i'm going to punch someone in the face.

YAN LIN I LOVEYOU SO MUCH I MISS YOU GRANDMA, PLEASE BRING ME HOME I MISS YOU PLEASE

Taranee. Do me a favor. Shut up. No, that's not true. She would annoy them anyway if they made too much noices. Og taranee 🤝 reboot taranee = "Shut up, i'm studying"

"If you're making a club I want to go in, I don't care the argument" NEVER MIND, TARANEE SHUT UUUUUUUUUUP Was the mean black girl stereotype so needed? I miss my BOOKWORM GIIIIIIRL

Irma is so fucking dumb I can't hate her.

Elyon: it exist magic and a veil and some magic shit Taranee: wtf do you mean I can't be the top in this club too? This is garbage I'm out of here.

Evil Elyon my beloved

Happy they took more inspiration from the og than the cartoon in this. I'm sorry cartoon lovers, but it always bugged me how in the comics she was genuinally evil (and manipulated into being evil) while in the cartoon she was just this perfect angel. I need my evil elyon moments.

Hay Lin:*calls her grandma when she have any problems* Me:I'm not crying and I'm not loving this.

........... You understand you're too old for a series when you see the dad and you're like "Oh, hi *twirls hair*" Why in te world they had to give Cornelia's dad long hair and a pathetic look? These are my biggest weaknesses noooooooo

Btw, Cornelia I hug you I love you, please don't be sad...

👁👁 <- me watching Taranee's angst story with autistic and very focused eyes.

HIMERISH JUMPSCARE

....What the fuck do you meAN THAT THE KANDRAKAR GUYS ARE ELECTRO THINGS IN THE KITCHn che CAZZO VUOL DIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHAT A DOWNGRADE WHAT THE FUCK OF A DOWNGRADE THIS IS MA CHE CAZOO

Oracles:The earth will be invaded by aliens :'( *shows the most human dudes i have ever seen attacking Earth* Ok no, if they're gonna make normal dudes as the main race for Meridian i'm gonna get angry. I want my scalies lizard dudes as the main race for Meridian and I don't care if that sounds racist >:(

Ok, no, thinking better about it, it's cute that the counsil of kandrakar lives with Will...

...........Ok, no, forget it. It's not cute, it's creepy. wtf

"Yes Cornelia, and I can read how much in love you are for Irma. You two should start dating"

Evil Elyon Evil Elyon Evil Elyon Evil Elyon EVIL ELYON EVIL ELYON yes

Oh yes, the nice smell of Cornelia who tries to justify Elyon even if she tries to kill them every time she sees them. I missed it so much.

E̵̹͠N̴̺̟̾̓Ȯ̶̢̬̣͓̪̪̬̈́͒̆̍̍Ủ̵̖̐͆͑G̴̭̘͚͚̟͉͍͝H̸̞͂͆̄̀̂͘͠ ̴̡̪͔̜͇̎̌͆͋̔Ş̸͙͉̻͊͋̂̉̽̏̓ͅO̵͉̩̿̽͋̑C̴̯̭̰͋̊C̵̛͓̫͈̞̃̅͝E̷͔̮̖̅̒́͐̓R̵͍͍͊̔̋͘.̶̳̣̫̪̓̏̇̇ ̷̡̹̺̮̀̈́̔̓̎͝ͅǨ̶͈̱̱̟͎͊̄͌I̶̧͍̠̥̺̦̓̓̇͂L̸̪̗͉̖͓̰͗̄̋̏̕L̵̫̔̅̇̆́̆̈́ ̵̡͉̭̐̀̅Ṱ̴̢̛͒́̔̀̑Ĥ̶̬̖̩̬̪̀͛̐E̶̱̣̐͋̌͘ ̷̟̬͓̺̃̾́͝S̴̫̞̘͖̙͇͖̑͒͘Ơ̵͔̝̰͌͂̏̾̽Ç̵̑̑͜͜Ç̸͕̻̭̮̈́̒͝E̵̢̨̝͍̱͎̣̓̈́̒̂̎̎̕Ŕ̶͓̓̐͋̉̕.̷̺̞̻͍͚̫̳̉͆͝

I'll always find funny how every time Will is near Elyon, the Oracles are like "HERE SHE IS. KILL HER. KILL HER WITH FIRE" "I literally have no idea on how to control my powers" "oh, right..."

Everyone:Taranee is the best in everything!! Then why isn't she the one who brings Hay Lin in bike? Mhhh? WHY IS HAY LIN, THE SMOL SMOL SMOOL SMOL WEEK GIRL THE ONE WHO SHOULD BRING HER!??!?!? MHHHHHHHHH??!!?!? /jk they're cute in this pannel. I legit wonder where they going...

Evil Elyon is sad cause she didn't kill her friends and didn't go to her brother Phobos (THAT SURELY EXIST IN THIS VERSION💢💢). F in chat for Elyon :(

Cornelia protecting Evil Elyon my beloved I MISSED YOU GIIIIIIIIIIIRL

YOU TWO SHOULD KISS ALREADTY!!!!

The fact Hay lin told Irma "you're the queen of outfits never seen before" is fucking funny considering she was the one who "dressed up in a weird way" in the original comic.

....

Why are you eating your neckless. What are you doing... Am I missing something? I think reboot Taranee and reboot Will should kiss each others tbh.

Hay Lin, I'm going to protect you till the very end, you're the most precious thing in the world.

I LOVE IRMA'S NEW FAMILY SO MUCH

She really had two cool moms. Her dad is a policeman, but at least he has good taste in women. Her original mom seems super sweet and the step-mom is so gentle with Irma... I can't not love her.

Cornelia begging Evil Elyon for an explanation my beloved. Elyon is so silly.

....

so, no Phobos? So no Cedric? *I slam myr phone on the ground and jump on my skateboard*

Daily: Taranee shut up. I was starting to liking you please (I like that even in the original, Taranee was so angry at Elyon qregsfd some things never change I love them)

MY FIRST "DAILY LUBA SHUT UP" OF THE SERIES. CAN'T WAIT TO REACH REPEAT IT 100 TIMES, ANNOYING STUPID LUBA MY BELOVED

......... :D (<- they're waiting for Himerish even if they know he will never appear).

Daily: I'm gona kiss Taranee.

wow, ok Tranee, jeez.

Will, you should the depressed angsty teen out of Taranee with a kiss.

I'll protect Taranee.

I love you

I love you so much

Hi Matt Goodbye Matt

Taranee: what boy are you talking about? >:( Will: There's no boy Tara ^^ I'm sorry, the ship is sailed. And TaraneexWill reboot is my new ship.

I love Elyon's supporting human parents.

OK SO

It's a cute series with... way less material than the original, but since it's just a volume, it's not a surprise. Hoping for a sequel. I'm sad tha there's no sight of my favorite characters. Still hoping to see Himerish one day (considering the counsil is evil here, it will be fun). Somehow I think that the fact they're evil is a good starter for the second series, since there will be the old guardians who were treated like shit (probably that journey to China for Hay Lin... is a foreshadowing). I can't wait to stop hating Luba and crying while I see her dying.

I thought I would have hated Cornelia and Taranee, but I ended up loving them. Irma is way more dumbdumb. Og Irma would have a lot of fun on mocking her and I live for this imagery in my head. Will is... Will. Still angsty sad teen in both versions. Hay Lin here is more scienc-y, and less creative which is a pity for me, but it's ok, she's still the cutest girl in town.

I really hope we'll see Phobos or Cedric in the future... I need to destroy Phobos' rebooted cervix.

Final vote: Thanks I hate it. 10/10.

Sorry for this trashy commentary but I wanted to let go my inner child for one of my favorite childhood series + i'm autistic and I have no idea what i'm doing so yeah, probably will be not a nice experience to read all of this bullshit, good night.

[love-amihan]

FIRST IMPRESSIONS // MIMI'S FAVES

amihan's note: this is just self-indulge i can't get enough of them 😭 i got this random idea wherein i showed my mom + friends the following pictures of my faves and what are their first impressions. i may also include some first meeting w/ my mom scenarios and more of what i think they will interpret them as. modern au of course, happy reading!

lil side note: my friend questioned me after sending all these pics, she was like "mimi u do realize these r lines" but ma'am u don't understand they r attractive lines!

info; aunt is what u call ur close friend's mother. mano is a sign of respect/greeting to elderly wherein you take their hand and bring it to your forehead i honestly don't know how to explain it

✨ jjk masterlist ✨

self insert, it's mimi x her faves!

-gojo satoru

mom said he reminds her of someone from slam dunk because of the art style, kinda brings back memories for her

most likely to be part of a cult

++ will invite u to join (i swear my friends r something)

yandere vibes

as i quote from my friend "cross my fingers, hope to die"

he will get along with my group of friends i swear

ngl, i'm 100% sure that gojo flirted with one of my friend before

gojo and mimi are gonna meet her group of friends for the first time, "shit" he curses under his breath, mimi turns her head to him and slightly tilted her head to the side "what?" gojo takes a deep breath before saying it in one breath "i may or may not have flirted with one of your friends before"

mimi was about to ask him to repeat again when she heard her friend "satoru?!" gojo gave a sheepish smile "heyyyy" he slowly distances himself with mimi afraid of her "oh let me guess, you're one of the victims?" mimi excitedly pipes in while laughing, her friend laughs along with her while shrugging "you think im surprised anymore you hoe?" mimi teased patting gojo's arm

he's the type to join in on our pamper night, i just see it clearly. also my mom tolerating his childishness

mimi and her mom are having one of their pamper night after having a long week, mimi was applying the mask on her face carefully while humming a tune. gojo who just got in their house saw the bond between the two "auntieee~ i want one too!" he whined while pointing at the masks.

"come here sato" mimi's mom coos at him, clearly babying the man. mimi crosses her arms finished with her mask looking at her so-called man with a smile adoring her lips "you know i wonder sometimes if i got myself a man or a child" gojo let out a dramatic gasp "auntie she's bullying me" mimi's mom played along and playfully glare at her, mimi giggles at this "also shut up you love me~" gojo added.

-okkotsu yuta

that guy who laughs at uncertain situations (if u only know what he's really like ✋)

class clown

softboi (yes he is ma'am!)

happy go lucky

lowkey yandere vibes

i feel like my friends already loves him because they were the one who introduced him

mimi and her friends are hanging out at their usual bench chatting away until one of them noticed the small group of guys passing by. "hey!" one of her friend shouted waving her hand before gesturing for them to come over.

they soon arrived where mimi and her friends are, a young boy with a sweet smile caught mimi's eyes. she gulps looking back to her friend who's introducing the group, "and he's yuta" she finishes with her arm around yuta her other hand giving his chest little pats. mimi nod to herself trying not to forget his name.

definitely met my mom before, helping her with her grocery or something. mom took a liking of him because he's kind and polite

yuta knocks on the door nervously chewing his bottom lip, mimi opened the door and smiles at him, the raven head returning it with shaky breath "come in" yuta politely comes in and to his surprise saw a familiar face "oh you're that sweet boy" mimi's mom exclaimed softly smiling as yuta gave his greeting taking her hand bringing it towards his forehead.

"you met before?" mimi chimes in looking at the two "i helped her carry her things since she's having some trouble" yuta explained his nervousness slowly fading away, mimi's mother turns to her daughter "i love him already! you're definitely marrying him" mimi's mother then welcomes yuta to their home with open arms "mom!" mimi shouted in embarrassment. yuta lets out a chuckle, relieved that he was welcomed right away.

-fushiguro megumi

cold type

major daddy vibes (all i can say is megumi's their type-)

cool aura

doesn't give a fuck type of guy

my friends probably heard of him because of me

mimi was walking around the campus together with a friend of hers, they were talking about usual school stuffs. sharing all the stress and pressure they're feeling having to be the leader of their own respective group.

mimi came to a stop when she noticed the quiet preserve guy who's walking towards the elevator hands on his pocket. after pushing the button, he cracks his neck side to side his hand soothing the crook of his neck. "let's go use the elevator" was all she said before dragging her friend.

the three walks inside the elevator without a word, mimi and her friend stayed behind as megumi stands in front of them pushing the button of his classroom's floor. mimi's friend can't help but snicker, mimi pinches her side telling her to stop.

megumi turns and gesture at the floor buttons "which floor?" his low voice making mimi's knees weak in the knees, mimi's friend was having fun seeing her friend malfunction in front of a hot guy. she giggles not wanting to embarrass her more than she did "oh we're in the same floor, it's all good"

mom likes him when i showed his pic! *cough* one of her fave *cough*

got nervous with meeting mom for the first time but soon relaxed with mom's calming and friendly nature, all in all mom still likes him

-inumaki toge

crazy type of guy

gives off the always sleeping guy

playful type

"oh wow its hot in here" seductively lowers his collars

daddy- (i- ma'am-)

bad boy!!

serious

mom said rock 'n roll but let's forget that

i'm gonna be honest, i feel like he's gonna be part of my friends, my "kapag tropa lang tropa lang rule" (basically translates to: if u're friend just stay as friends rule) will be broken just for him;

toge and mimi was known to be touchy with each other in their group of friends. toge trusts mimi more than the others, he shows this by doing simple things such as leaving his id with her if ever he goes somewhere or do something.

their friends mostly find them leaning in each other's shoulder whenever they are given a break or during their little talks. "you know i saw this new.." their friend started explaining, all of them listening. toge gets into a more comfortable spot leaning his head on mimi's shoulder busy with scrolling on his phone. once in a while showing mimi something funny or interesting.

mom will likely take time to warm up to him. toge will do his best to get on her good side, shows his charms. once he gets mom's approval there's no turning back. he gets treated like he was her own son.

toge smiles at mimi's mother sweetly, "what's your name?" as toge took her hand making mano with her (stop i dunno how to phrase it) "inumaki toge, auntie" mimi's mother let out a soft gasp, "the inumaki toge?" toge looks at the direction where mimi disappeared, a little confused by what's happening. he looks back at mimi's mother about to ask why she knows him.

"mimi won't stop talking about you!" mimi's mother informed as toge's mouth left agape, mimi who happen to get back at the right moment grumble "mom why did you tell him?!" she said through gritted teeth. mimi's mom have a sweet smile on her face faking a surprise.

"oh i wasn't suppose to? oops?" mimi grumbles more standing beside toge who now have a smug look on his face, "you talk about me huh?" he began, mimi gave him a playful shove "shut up."

-ryomen sukuna

DADDY!!

most likely to kill me

intimidating

unique looking

mom really likes him!

thinks his tattoos and aura is cool

if my friends saw a picture of him they will immediately question me

he's a snitch, i hate his snitch ass ugh

mimi's mom did not like sukuna from the picture at all, she doesn't have any problem with people who have tattoo but he got it all over him. we can say that mimi's mom is kinda looking out for the both of them because their relatives are just too traditional and doesn't like the looks of tattoos.

however, sukuna soon got her approval! how you ask? well the mf snitched without knowing. sukuna nudges mimi's side lightly, trying to start conversation "how's the piercing?" mimi's eyes widen looking at sukuna hissing, "kuna no!" mimi whisper yell at him. mimi then felt her mother's glare, "is that why you've been wearing your hair down often?"

sukuna got confused then looks at mimi's mom "care to explain?" he took this as a chance to get on her good side "yeah mimi, care to explain?" mimi looks at her significant other not believing what's happening, mimi looks back and forth between the two 'this mf a snitch' mimi thought.

mimi then explained herself blaming sukuna since he's the one who pushed to get her cartilage piercing "don't blame sukuna, you should have told me" mom defended him, mimi gasp as she looks at sukuna who's smirking at her with the 'i won' face that mimi wanna punch off his face.

a lil bg; i already told my mom b4 that i want cartilage piercing but then she got wary with the news of someone got in a coma after getting it so in the end sadly, she only allowed me to get the lobe piercings.

cover: one piece's baby 5

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen headcanon #gojo satoru #okkotsu yuta #inumaki to/ge #fushiguro megumi #ryomen sukuna #jjk gojo #jjk inumaki #jjk yuta #jjk sukuna #jjk fushiguro #mimi x jjk

[angelic-holland]

First Insecurity - you

Summary: at one point or another, everyone gets insecure about their relationship for one reason or another.

Warnings: fluffy angst, cyberbullying, insecurities

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: back to longer ones, adding everyone from my taglist! if you want to be added, check out my bio. italics between (***) is a flashback, italics with (””) are tweets. Check out the rest of the series in my masterlist!

You were grateful, you really were, for the people you knew were only getting tattoos from you because you were Tom Holland’s girlfriend. If that’s what brought people to your chair, so be it, you had your license, your apprenticeship would take as long as you needed to get down the basics of several styles of tattoos before you could become a “professional” and start to really specialize in one area. Bryce said you’d be an apprentice for around a year, just like he was. Which just meant very cheap tattoos, translating into working very long hours tattooing before going to your second job. It was silly, but you wanted to save up enough to visit Tom as a surprise and airfare was so goddamn expensive.

You worked at a grocery store near your apartment on the late shift, you’d tattoo, tattoo, tattoo, and then change into your uniform and ring the occasional customer in at the 24-hour store from 10pm to 3am, then collapse in your bed and sleep before starting it all over again. And airfare was expensive. But he only just left a little over a week ago for London and you missed him. You always missed him.

This client was a girl, 19, very excited about working with you, rambling on and on about how Spiderman is her favorite superhero and could you “please tattoo Spiderman upside down hanging by his web on my arm.”

You sigh, sitting her down and talking to her seriously about the tattoo, would she want it forever, would she get bored with it, will she be okay with sitting for upwards of five hours that it would take to get the detailing just right. 

And she’d talk longer than you needed to hear about how important this was to her, how important Spiderman and Marvel and this was to her. 

“Okay,” you would sigh because Bryce would tell you if the idea was there, don’t turn down a client, not when you’re an apprentice and you’re living off of charging 25 dollars an hour and tips.

And you knew she was going to ask, about halfway through the outline of the tattoo she does, they always do. 

“So you’re dating Tom Holland.”

“Yes, I am,” you say with a forced smile.

“That’s cool. Always thought he was dating Zendaya, she’s really pretty.”

You hum, this was the first you’ve heard of that. But then again maybe your other clients that were fans of Tom were a little older or just had a better grasp of tattoo etiquette, including not asking personal questions. 

“Was he dating her before he dated you?”

“So why’d you decided to get the Spiderman tattoo? Is Tom your favorite Spiderman? Or Andrew Garfield, Tobey McGuire?” You ask, changing the subject because one, you had no idea, two, it wasn’t this girls business either.

“I like Tom’s the best. I’m really excited for the new movie.”

“Oh yeah? Me too,” you grin. 

The rest of the tattoo went by relatively quicker, she rambled about her ideas for Far From Home and you listened, taking in all her theories because you already knew what happened.

***

You and Tom arrived back at your apartment, he was practically carrying you, your arm around his back, head on his shoulder as your sleepy legs carried you up the stairs and to your front door. 

“You know what happens in Endgame right?” He asks as you sleepily take off your clothes to get ready for bed.

“Yes, cause you spoiled it for me, haven’t seen it yet though,” you mumble as you both walk to the bathroom to brush your teeth. 

“Oh you’re right,” Tom laughs, “sorry”.

You all but collapse onto the bed, Tom holding you tight against his chest. 

“I like you spoiling things, I hate being on edge and I hate surprises.”

“Did you hate me showing up for your graduation?”

“No, that was a really good surprise,” you giggle as his hand brushed your hair off your shoulder, tickling you slightly. 

“Want me to spoil the Spiderman movie for you?”

“Yes please,” you say, fingers running up and down his leg, laying on top of your own.

***

That night, after the Spiderman tattoo which you were quite proud of, you opened up twitter, you still had access to Tattoo Dice’s twitter which you never really used. 

You don’t know exactly why you did but after scrolling through tweets with Tom’s name you came to a few tweets with him and Zendaya. 

Wow.

She was pretty. Not just pretty, absolutely gorgeous. 

You just kept scrolling, laughing at some tweets that talked about how they looked at each other during interviews, claiming that was ‘love’. It was funny to you, until you came across something rather nasty with your name. 

It was a picture of you and Tom at Coney Island, Harry didn’t take it, someone else must’ve. You were being funny, each holding an arm of your teddy bear, swaying between the two of you.

“It’s like a kid,” Tom had laughed, and you turned pale thinking about a kid, your face slightly mortified before shaking out of it.

But of course, the picture showed your face scrunched up in mild horror.

Next to it was a picture of Tom and Zendaya on set of his movie, they were smiling wide at something they were being shown.

The caption made you grimace, “Tom and y/n versus tom and z, tell me again which one he’s dating”.

And maybe curiosity killed the cat because it also took a stab at you. 

You were pretty confident, in your art skills, in your flirting, you’ve never felt insecure in a relationship before. But maybe because you were all of a sudden dating this big star and you now see that half of his fans want him and Zendaya to be together.

Each tweet was another chip away at your hardened exterior and you hated it, your mind telling you to stop scrolling but you just can’t.

“I don’t know who they’re trying to fool but one public outing with a girl he hooked up with back in March? Is that their way of saying him and Z aren’t dating? Clowns”

“Tom and Z have been dating since they wrapped Homecoming, stop freaking out over a post clearly made by his publicist”

“I mean it’s the worst scam, Tom looks like royalty next to a tatted gutter rat.”

Holy fuck people were brutal. Tatted gutter rat. 

You felt tears well in your eyes, damn it. 

Tatted gutter rat. 

You laughed, a choked out sob of sorts, “tatted gutter rat,” you giggled.

Jesus.

You were about to exit Twitter, the toxic hell site it is when Tom’s goofy face popped up on your screen, showing that he wanted to FaceTime you.

You quickly hit the green button, shuffling up so your back was against your pillow.

“Hey,” he smiles before taking in your appearance. 

You had a goofy smile but your eyes were red rimmed with tears. 

“What’s wrong princess?” He asks, head resting on his hand. 

“Do I resemble a tatted gutter rat?” You say, struggling to speak between giggles.

“I’m sorry, a what?”

“I’ve been told, haha,” told was a funny word, you were nosy and this is what it got you, “that I resemble a tatted gutter rat.”

“Well let’s see, I haven’t personally seen a gutter rat but I doubt you look like one. And hey, you’re my tatted gutter rat.”

You saw a twinkle in his eyes when he said you were his, making you bite your lip and smile. 

“Wait, who’s saying you’re a tatted gutter rat?”

“Some rando,” you sigh as he runs his hand through his hair. 

“On twitter wasn’t it?”

“Maybe,” you scrunch your face up, you’re a terrible liar.

“You shouldn’t look on there, I sure as hell don’t,” he laughs and you feel a wave of calm rush over you. 

Thud, thud, thud. 

Falling.

“Tom?”

Your mind rushes back to the tattoo shop, his “bye lov-,” that got cut off by your inopportune hang up. Did he- was he saying what you thought he said?

You couldn’t even think it. Because thinking it made it real and, fuck, that scared you. 

Thud thud thud.

“What’s up?” He asks, tilting his head.

Fuck it. Internet fools be damned. 

“I-, remember when I did my first tattoo? On myself?”

“Yeah?” 

“And, I hung up too soon?”

“Oh,” he sighs. 

Oh.

Oh?

You had a hard time telling what type of oh it was, his voice sort of muffled through your overseas connection. 

“You want to know what I was gonna say?”

“Maybe,” you lied again. You did. You really, really did.

“Harry’s right, I’m an idiot for waiting.”

“What?”

“I should’ve, should’ve said it in New York but I don’t know I wasn’t there for long and-,”

“And what?” You ask, arm wrapping around your knees, pulling tight to your chest.

“I was saying, ‘bye love you’.”

You weren’t one to beat around the bush. 

“Just like that?” You feel your lips curl up into a smile.

Thud, thud, thud.

Falling.

“I say it when I’m getting off the phone with family a lot.”

“So it's more just like a phrase you say, not like you meant it or anything.”

Because if he doesn’t say it now, if he avoids it then you can avoid the thundering roar of your heart against your chest, telling you to say it back.

“I usually mean it when I say it to my family, because I do love them, that is.”

His face is scrunched up and he looks a little hurt, bottom lip pouting slightly. 

“So you’re off to Bali soon right?” 

Nothing like a good old conversation change to stop the sinking feeling in your gut.

“I am,” He says, perking up.

And so you talk and talk until you notice his eyes start to droop and his phone slowly slip out of his hand.

You think he’s asleep, his breathing even as your story trails off. 

“Bye love you,” you whisper, voice soft and unsure. Not unsure about loving Tom. That was easy, he understood you, in a way nobody else quite did. He understood your underlying need to be in control quite often, your desire to make people happy through your art, your tendency to not finish movies because you fall asleep, things that individually didn’t really matter, but altogether made you you. 

And you felt comfortable, sharing parts of yourself with him you haven’t with anyone else. 

So saying “bye, love you” on the phone while he was asleep was effortless. 

The part that you were unsure of, the part that scared you the most was the little nagging part in the back of your head that said he didn’t mean it when he said it the first time. 

“Night, love you,” he mumbles as your FaceTime call ends.

Oh.

Thud, thud, thud. 

You fell. 

***

Taglist: @la-bellezaa @tom-hollands-blog @unicornsyy @scarletwidow-shipper @importantfireeaglefish @professional-fandoms

#tom holland one shot #tom holland blurb #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #tom holland x fem!reader #tom holland reader insert #tom holland #tom holland fic #tom holland series

[bladekindeyewear]

Time to read hs^2′s third non-bonus update!  I have not had a single portion of an image spoiled this time, and have no damn idea what it’s about.  Not even any asks in my inbox.  Will we have more of Ghostflusters, maybe a reason Jane didn’t know he was gone even when he supposedly received divorce papers?  A cut back to the good guys in pursuit of Dirk and crew?  Will Jade be a black-eyed zombie, or finally fucking awake like she deserves to be???

Let’s find out!

Oh god damn everything, please no.  ==>

...Oh!

Oh that’s MUCH better than it could’ve been!  We’re still in Candyverse, but cutting over to the Vriskas’ perspectives.  So that on the right would be the “mostly identical” Vriska who Rose and Kanaya raised, and the aforementioned logistics are just dealing with a dead clown body (that hopefully isn’t being refrigerated in the unseen spot Dirk was hiding from Terezi on their ship).

Kid Vriska looks pretty cool!  A fair bit Aranea-y, with that collar feeling like a nice hint of the Pagey version of her who originally earned the (Vriska) title.

(Vriska) pockets John’s phone before she can worry too much about waiting for a reply from Terezi.

Right, stolen phone... an anon in my inbox pointed out that Vriska “has a direct line out to Terezi” because of it, but I didn’t take it that seriously because I thought it wouldn’t come into play at all later.  Guess I was wrong, with the narrative taking the trouble to point it out-- especially considering that whatever she said, she EXPECTS a possible reply.

Other than some fun banter, I can’t figure out where this particular upd8 is going.

> (==>)

Oh that is a smug, self-satisfied Vriska look if I ever saw one.  (Vriska) over here is still dust under her heels, isn’t she?

VRISKA: If you want to keep Hanging Out, I mean. Which I assume you Do.

Holy shit, she’s throwing a bit of Kanaya Caps in her language.  That’s SUPER adorable.  That was probably in Candy too and I just forgot about it.

VRISKA: So, Nickname me, 8itch. And make it Cute.

Huh!  You don’t stake too much on your name, then?

> (==>)

Vrissy!  That’s surprisingly genial of you, it’s pretty damn good.

VRISSY: So now that we have that locked down, what’s First on the list of Awesome Shit we’re gonna do Together?

Oh no.  No, no Vrissy, you’re gonna be disappointed.  :(

VRISSY: I told you already, I don’t ever get up to Anything nearly as Interesting as you did. VRISKA: Till now ;;;;) VRISSY: Heh. Yeah.

...yeah, FUCK.  Vrissy is gonna get used and thrown away so fucking hard.  The slightest ounce of hero worship thrown Vriska’s way is an ounce that’s gonna get exploited to hell and back.

I suppose from here we’re going into the rebellion, aren’t we?  I hope badass eyepatch Karkat doesn’t look too silly in this art style.

> (==>)

God, this art style is so CLEAN and makes her look so ADORABLE.

--ah, okay.  We’re gonna see how the dynamic between Vrissy and human Kid-Tavros works.  Hope this won’t be too painful.  Besides, like... the kind of hilarious starting-pain that she’s asking HIM to help take care of a dead body.

VRISSY: That was Tavros. He’s on his way.

Oh man, Vriska didn’t know.  :D

> (==>)

Huh!  That’s a more thoughtful expression than I was expecting.

VRISKA: Unless he’ll rat us out to his mom???????? VRISSY: Nah. He’ll get too much of a Kick out of seeing this dead Piece of Shit, don’t Worry.

Oh man.  Tavros’ll probably just be sad or freaked out a bit, but what I wouldn’t give for our first look at him to be him dancing on this clown’s grave.

> (==>)

Vrissy hates that ostentatious prick-mobile, mostly because it is not her ostentatious prick-mobile.

Heheheh.

Hm?  “Actual spy shit”, other than hiding a body?  Did you have some bigger anti-Crocker stuff in mind, Vrissy?

> (==>)

Oh Jiminy Christmas!!!  You’re the spitting image of your parents!  And, like... perfectly visually suited to induce Vriska-macking, unwanted or otherwise.

> (==>)

TAVROS: These are normal things you expect to happen, when you are picking up your kismesis and her,,,, ah,,, new friends,

Oh right, that’s the relationship.  More that I forgot from Candy.

VRISSY: Who is VERY Cool and Sexy with her Eyepatch--

--remind me again why Vriska has an eyepatch?  Something in the Lord English fight, a stray shard of universe fabric inflicting more random meaningful damage?  *Looks it up.*  Oh huh, so THAT was the vague damage to her head she played off-- the shard literally got her eye and she refused to admit it to herself or the narrative.  I was wondering about that weird damage back when I read it, but never inferred the answer.  And did she put the eyepatch on when she landed in Candy?  *Looks that up*  Wait, no, it couldn’t have hit her eye.  From Candy:

Vriska’s face snaps up, eyes blazing. Eyes. Actual eyes, with expression, color, pupils, and everything.

[...]  There’s a bleeding gash on her head and something lodged in her chest.

Okay, fuck.   Then whence the fucking eyepatch?  *Keeps skimming Candy...*

(VRISKA): The 8attle was hitting its clim8x when I got hit in the head with... with...

(Vriska) paws at her head wound, fingers numb and vision blurry.

(VRISKA): Wh8tever the fuck it was that hit me in the head!

Hmm?

JOHN: do you wanna see a doctor for that or something? (VRISKA): No!!!!!!!! (VRISKA): I w8nt to know what the fuck is GOING ON!!!!!!!!

Hmmmm.....  *Keeeeps reading...*

Dammit, that’s all there is.  So this is an inference either Andrew intended or the other authors/artists did from the tail end of all that -- Vriska either took head damage that deprived her of sight in that eye, made it more light-sensitive/blurry, OR that eyepatch is essentially a makeshift bandage over the bleeding parts.  (Which might remain medically necessary, or she might just keep wearing for style points.)  Hmm.

I’m mostly just relieved that whoever’s helping write HS^2 didn’t fuck up.  Okay, that’s enough Candy-digging, back to the story now:

After a few beats, he propels himself off the car like a swimmer at the sound of a gun, his body plunging in a graceful arc toward his goal.

Huh?  I mean, good execution, very Jake, but... huh?  Is someone gonna get clobbered?  Vrissy?  The corpse?

> (==>)

Ooh, the corpse!  Yes!!!  Kick that corpse.

Why did the head honk?  Hopefully this stays a corpse.  (I’m surprised his strikes are as weak as the narrative’s saying; even if he’s really Tavros-natured, he’s still the son of two of the strongest, fisticuff-iest players.  Kind of a rebellion against his parents both, then?)

> (==>)

--unrelated, I just saw the Bonus blinking with Catnapped Part 2.  Guess I won’t be finished once I’ve covered this, just yet.

VRISKA: I am in no place to 8egrudge a man his cathartic ass-kicking moment, but that was a loud fucking scream. VRISSY: No kidding. My ears are STILL ringing from your 8ig attempt at breaking the sound 8arrier.

Y’all are ones to talk, I just reread the part of Candy where you two found Vriska fucking Gamzee.

> (==>)

> (==>)

Please don’t move, clown.  Stay the fuck dead, please?

> (==>)

Calm down, Tav, you’ve got this.

> (==>)

Nice suspenders.

> (==>)

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAA WHO IS THIS AGAIN IS THIS HARRY OR SOMETHING IS THIS JOHN AND ROXY’S ASSHOLE KID

--sorry I got overexcited because I clicked next and saw that hair spiral aaaa.

...I hope it isn’t a DIFFERENT kid of theirs that I somehow forgot exists or such.  That’d be embarrassing.  This guy/girl/person looks infuriatingly suave, also.

> (==>)

YOU’RE SO CUTE IN A WAY THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.

--Yep, dialogue confirms it’s Harry Anderson.

Heh, he’s pulling an Early Acts John and not believing a word of it, but playing along.

There is no possible way that this stuff Vrissy is saying isn’t horeseshit, but he is not about to crack.

--just wanna point out the probably-typo before they fix it.

Ah, bringing it there.  Good luck, Harry.

> (==>)

Oh, that was fast.

> (==>)

...That’s what you get for relying on Harry.

> (==>)

VRISKA: We can just dump it in the inciner8or. That’s pro8a8ly what his plan was to 8egin with. VRISSY: The what???????? VRISKA: The inciner8or. Like, for 8odies?? VRISSY: At SCHOOL???????? VRISKA: Yes? TAVROS: It is somewhat pleasant to be reminded,,, in my darker moments,,,, that the grass is not really ever greener on Alternia,

No comment, this is just pretty hilarious.

I still keep revisiting how easily Vrissy gave up her given name, here.  As if she feels like her real name ought to be associated with the hero instead of her, in a kind of... lowkey low self-esteem way.

VRISSY: I should have known he was fucking with us. VRISSY: GOD he is such a Stupid 8astard.

--Well, they know each other well enough.

Hm.  Does Vriska think they can just kill any human kids they run into?

> (==>)

...GOSH, Vrissy is stupid adorable.  And like, shockingly chill, in general.

> (==>)

Huh.  Vrissy, are you chickening out on an adventure because you’re afraid you’ll get caught?  ...well, good for you, honestly!  Not that I think it’ll last.

...yup, there she goes after ‘em.

> (==>)

I think you’re still going to fuck up, Vriska.

> (==>)

None of them know where they are going, but Vriska is leading the way, hunched and purposeful

I guess none of this is surprising, really.

Is Jane going to, like... hear about the corpse found in a human school’s basement and blame the rebellion some more somehow?  Not that it matters, I guess.

There is something incredibly reassuring, Tavros thinks, about someone who has absolute outward confidence in themselves.

(There’d better not be any relationship conflict involving Vriska upcoming in the future.  BETTER not.)

> (==>)

Gamzee managing to fuck everything up even when he’s dead.

> (==>)

VRISKA: No, he’s right, I was going to count to eight.

Hah.

> (==>)

Are they gonna end up dumping him at Harry’s feet?

Nice way to force him out of school and into the rebellion, that.

> (==>)

VRISSY: Keep looking for Harry Anderson. He’s In The Shit with us now, whether he likes it or not.

Guess so!  Fair enough.

> (==>)

oh no

(I also understand why I haven’t gotten any asks about this upd8 yet.  This is mostly just character (re-)introductions and hijinks.  Totally up for some Harry, Vriska, Vrissy and Tavros adventures now that I can actually SEE them, it really adds a lot.)

> (==>)

And there it goes.  Slide into Harry’s classroom on the waterslick maybe?

> (==>)

The human students, trained to respond to a fire drill with speed and enthusiasm for missed class time, are out in the hall in a matter of seconds.

Oh, the worst possible outcome.  :D

> (==>)

Shit, they’re all on camera.  Nice job, Vriska!  Welcome to Earth.

> (==>)

> (==>)

Oh my fucking GOD, this image.  Vriska is LOVING the chaos!!!  She doesn’t even care!

VRISKA: I thought this planet was gonna be a snoozefest desert devoid of 8oth agency and fun, but I am honestly having a gr8 time.

Pfff.  I should’ve known.  She just cares about being where the Action Is, as Aradia put it at the end of Meat.

> (==>)

She sees it, and she can’t breathe. Her lover, her confidante, her clown of many years, being desecrated by a bunch of treasonous monsters.

You threw him out of a ship.

Yeah, of course she draws that conclusion.  Everything and everyone is either with her or against her, after all.

> (==>)

--Wait, you didn’t even know Tavros was missing until that moment???

So did the lawyers send the divorce papers on their own, or did the authors really just forget?

> (==>)

Your John is showing SO hard, Harry.

> (==>)

Congratulations!

> (==>)

Yep!

> (==>)

HARRY ANDERSON: oh fuck

*slow clap*

I’ll cover Catnapped 2 in a bit, though circumspectly as it’s a paid bonus.  See y’all!

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #bladekindeyewear #blastyoboots #spoiler #spoilers

[dramaphan]

At Anon’s request: a live reaction to “seeing things without my glasses”

(Full disclosure: I was bounced on pain meds when I watched the video the first time, so this is my second watch through, not my first. Give me a break I’m missing teeth)

-okay so Dan is in the video wow I really thought Phil would find some over complicated way to do this by himself.

-“optician” I do my know why that sounds so weird to me. Optometrist, Phil.

-Phil that’s how bad eyesight works. It just keeps getting worse, forever.

-Dan literally playing on his phone, not interested.

-“why are you in voice form” “because I’m... in... my pyjamas” and there’s no room for two people in Phil’s weird filming setup

-TIT

-“a little bit of scared”

-“put them on halfway so you get tiny pea eyes” *does it* “no one asked for that.” YOU DID ASSHOLE

-I’m about to play along y’all wish me luck

-dog. Immediately knew this was a dog

-Dan desperately wanting to participate beyond holding the phone while also not wanting to be on camera is some kind of mood

-again, I immediately knew this was that quiff pic of Phil’s. I’m really good at this.

-I feel the same way about that picture, Phil.

-I thought the Harry styles picture was a photo of someone naked with their legs spread up in the air and I was wondering how monetized Phil wants this video to be.

-side note: why does Harry styles have “hi” tattooed in his armpit

-“got enough to eat” is this the first Phil gay joke?

-I also immediately recognized the yee

-for some reason I thought this pic was jenna in her plastic face video but it’s actually the queen.

-another side note: isn’t the queen like 150 years old how is the old bat still here is it safe to have someone that old running basically the whole western world? What does the queen even do? Is she in charge? What’s her job description?

-“I’ve got my glasses on” Phil do you remember what video you’re filming

-I thought this one was an angry snake. I wish I’d been right because the reality of it is so much worse.

-Phil’s next video: just looking at things

-Pikachu meme Dan is not making this very difficult

-Dan why do you keep giving immediately recognizable photos you doughhead do something else.

-Phil thinks the moustache is dodgy and honestly this is why Phillies are superior.

-I honest to god thought that Dan was about to show off someone’s Phan art. I completely couldn’t see like 4 of the people in that photo

-cocktus. Dan is nothing if not predictable

-I’m surprised we’re allowing the word dick on this good Christian amazingphil channel we’ve really entered a new era

-almost all of these photos have been instantly recognizable to me, not because I’ve already watched the video, but because Dan is just bad at choosing things I guess.

-“long floppy pink coloured object” and other phrases to never say again

-“famous celebrity known for their looks” I immediately went to James Charles here but then I quickly figured out that it is in fact pennywise the clown. An honest mistake.

-Dan screeching in the background is something I missed, I’ll admit.

-I want you all to know that my thought process with this picture was “oh it’s Dan. Why would he show two pictures on himself? Oh it must be anthony”

-I don’t know why I went straight to “crab with a cowboy hat” but let me tell you I was baffled to be correct

-Phil in what world. In what universe, is that crab uterus shaped. Take your gay ass back to biology this instant.

-“fallopian vibes” and “ovarian energy” are the only words I will use to describe anything from now on. They both sound like really cool nightclubs

-I too, thought this was some kind of landscape

-I thought this was a naked person lounging in front of a sunset of something but. Sweet fuck.

-I thought this was a baby rat and I wasn’t far off

-why does he say croissant like that

-somehow I knew exactly which cursed Phil image this was.

-live shows are back, sounds like with a slightly different format. I refuse to get my hopes up about anything.

-in conclusion: I love Phil

#phan #amazingphil #dan and phil #danisnotonfire #danandphilgames #daniel howell #danisnotinteresting #lessamazingphil #phil lester

[twiststreet]

Joaquin Phoenix’s “Joker” scored a record $13.3 million on Thursday night in North America. [...] The Joaquin Phoenix-starrer is now looking at a possible offshore weekend bow of $110M+. If that holds, along with domestic expectations, it is also looking at a $200M+ global opening, and further has a shot at overtaking Venom‘s 2018 record October global debut.  [...] Weeks of speculation as to ‘Joker’s’ opening weekend performance and its status as one of the most talked about movies of the year have made the acclaimed (and controversial) film a must-see cinematic event,” Comscore senior media analyst Paul Dergarabedian said.

Feel like Rambling Instead of Doing My Chorin’ Dept.: I have zero interest in this Joker movie since I prefer cinema and/or low-grade Japanese pornography (which in my estimation is cinema in the Scorsese of sense of the word because you learn a lot about psychology, the punishing psychology of sempais).  I have zero interest in like adult super-clown movies or whatever the fuck’s going on here-- and I don’t want to understand the psychology of someone who doesn’t have enough sex, I’m just too afraid that letting those kind of thoughts into my head might make me slightly less excellent at intercourse and the world would be robbed forever (Ladies).  And add in even a remote chance of some shiny chrome War Boy blowing away my theater...?  Imma pass.  The only Batman villain I’m risking death for is Egghead...

But boy, watching people talk about and around this movie-- what a giant pile of yikes, which has ended exactly how all moral panics about art invariably end, with a giant pile of cash changing hands.  And only “We want to generate TV ratings from normal people who hate arty shit we usually reward”-style award nominations no doubt await (aka the Black Panther slot).  

What a stupid time to be alive... Its always been a stupid time to be alive because we’re not a really brilliant species, but I mean... moral panics over super-clown movies which are poised to make hundreds of millions of dollars where the moral panic isn’t just “oh my god it’s a billboard you can see from outer space about how we stopped funding our education system”... Boy...

I mean, I don’t think everyone was in bad faith, necessarily-- like if I were a lady who had to worry about incels coming and blowing away my yoga class or whatever, everytime I’m downward-facing my dogs, I’d probably be kinda not super-hot for a Joker movie either, like the world needs one more thing zooming-up the limp-dicks of this world. Or I mean, just generally, on the one hand, you want to talk about the world, right, because you live there or whatever?  But on the other hand, it’s that thing you learn if you write about comics, especially-- being the guy talking about the thing just helps the thing, no matter what you say about it. I don’t know-- I never figured out how to square that circle.  Like, I don’t know that I’m the audience for a lot of the moral panic, but it’s not like it was unreasonable for people to be like “can’t we just not”... 

It just fucking got pretty wild in the last few days though-- because it got sucked into a second entirely different jetstream.  You had the “Art is the exact same thing as an instruction manual for stupid people” elitism that kinda kicked off by that awful Mother Jones editor, or people who just want to childproof the entire world because they desperately think that’s a necessary response to living in a horror world (which I don’t think I sign up for but I can see my “we are all damned anyway and deserve to die” position not winning a lot of adherents)... but then thanks to the weird-ass marketing strategy (positioning Joker explicitly as a weapon in the Great American Culture War...?  That’s how they sold Lady Ghostbusters, “come see this movie to send a message”, but it was just weird seeing a Reverse-Ghostbust)... it got sucked into the constant thriving secondary hum on the internet of unfunny people who are super-online and who have a constant axe to grind about comedy, because they don’t get jokes, don’t understand why people laugh at them or anything, and they’re narcissists who think we’re all actually laughing at them when we laugh at jokes because they’re so fucking insecure about their outsized-perception of themselves especially as victims?  

At some point it just wound its way where a lot of people going “The Hangover wasn’t funny to begin with, even though it was one of the highest grossing R-Rated comedies ever made, because we’re all evolved now”-- arguing that movie’s half-billion dollars of revenue generated all magically rendered meaningless cause the director said some stupid-ass jackass shit...?  Yeah, good luck with that.  “Did you know the Hangover had Mike Tyson in it???  The internet’s going to win this fight against one of the biggest comedy hits of my lifetime, ten years later-- how dare people have laughed, according to me, someone who sounds totally normal and cool and fun to be around?  I’m going to buy two tickets to the next movie by the Thor guy-- he’s making anti-hate satires-- why can’t you all be like a guy who makes fucking Thor movies?”  Maybe I’m wrong, I’m on the side I’m on, but I just don’t think the internet’s going to win this nonstop war against jokes, no matter how many anti-hate satires the Thor guy’s got in him!  (Anti-hate satire... go fuck yourself...)

And then the other side of things you had people who are like “nothing ever matters wheeee” where you just have to ignore, like, just the completely stupid world we’re stuck in full of absolute shitheads who obviously have us all surrounded and just are nontop dripping abject fucking brain-deadening bullshit into their ear, day after day, like Chinese Water Torture that these cretins are lining up to take part in, just salivating for to help make the world that much dumber and shittier, happy New York Comicon everybody!  We really need Joker when there are 10 hour Youtube videos of guys complaining about a lady working the counter at Wendy’s who turned down their extra-large bottle of perfume they bought her or I don’t even know what the fuck’s going on with Youtube, nevermind games-- we really needed to make that avalanche of stupid any scarier or stupider..?  I mean, “shit in, shit out” seems kinda like a reasonable proposition to me.  You can’t feed people shit all day and then be like “why does this place smell?”  It’s all the shit!  I call it my Carl’s Jr. theory of human civilization. 

But I mean, you look at the massive loneliness in the world, and even a cursory examination of what’s happening with men in this country statistically, at the same time as all kinds of people are getting stepped onby economic pressures and then you layer on climate change on top of everything else which kinda has to put some kinda dampener on human optimism generally, even if crazy people want to pretend it’s not happening... And then you’re going to tell people not to want entertainment that goes to a dark place, or that the movie they should see instead is Ad Astra (which was just Star Wars for men who hate their penises)??? “You should spend more time contemplating how being a man is bad, like Brad Pitt in Ad Astra.”  A lot of people online (and not just Republicans) just seem angry and isolated and disconnected and sad, and I just don’t think “what if we tried to not have art or entertainment that speaks to that and instead gave them a DVD of Booksmart instead” is just even remotely realistic, or even worth contemplating, from a how-people-function standpoint.  People who get upset about art being a valve, like ... I don’t understand how they comprehend the history of art in the 20th century, let alone modern day stuff... 

Is there going to be a violent cost to it?  I don’t know-- you go look at Falling Down’s wikipedia page and they mention a guy who shot up some folks whose favorite movie was Falling Down.  But... I think there’s a gap between knowing that and then judging Falling Down for it, or that being a relevant data point when talking about Falling Down, that I don’t go over that gap and other people do.  Maybe it’s my age or my own selfishness, I don’t know...   

I don’t know.  As usual, maybe I don’t know what I think.  Anyways, it’s at least nice that it’s finally out and we just have to wait and see what the next bullshit-ass bullshit that causes some moral panic is going to be.  There was cancelling Stephen Colbert because a hashtag inventor told people he hated Asians or some shit.  There was people saying Isle of Dogs hated the Japanese.  Bruce Lee’s daughter yelling at Once Upon a Time in Hollywood -- that was cute, I guess; I guess Bruce Lee’s no longer a public figure who we can comment on and re-purpose as artists have been doing since Warhol or before, because Bruce Lee came in his wife one time, good to know.  I can’t remember all the panics with stand-up comedians, all that stuff, whoof.  There was that time people got angry cause a guy on Youtube didn’t want to see the Lady Ghostbuster movie-- that’s not even an exaggeration there was like one youtube guy everyone got mad at.  I don’t know.  We’ve reached evil super-clowns.  I don’t know how much stupider things can get, only that they will get infinitely, infinitely, infinitey stupider until the sun melts us because we’re definitely not surviving climate change, this isn’t a species built to last...

Anyways, felt like rambling.  

#I am Pointless!

[blookmallow]

hello everyone i realized i wasnt gonna get through today without finding something to keep my brain busy so ive been designing a horror theme park in my head all day here r my ideas so far

- there would be two main theaters, a ghostface theater and a pennywise theater (except. imagine they have creative names, ) 

- ghostface theater is a 3D show theater modeled in the like NOW SHOWING: STAB (FILMED IN STABOVISION) tacky retro horror aesthetic from the second movie 

it would show a park-exclusive Scream 3D short, and also would sometimes be used for upcoming horror sneak previews and other shows, along with indie horror spotlights 

sometimes a ghostface park character would sneak in among the guests and sit next to you (all the main slashers would be around as characters to do autographs and pictures and stuff but i think it would b fun for them to also like. peek out of windows or sneak into shows so you never know where they’re gonna be) 

- ghostface also gets a corresponding gift shop for Scream as well as just all things retro horror, vintage posters, art stuff made from horror vhs tapes like these, stuff like that

- the pennywise theater is a circus tent that houses a stage show, decorated with vintage style PENNYWISE THE DANCING CLOWN posters, old dusty flickery carnival lights, creepy pennywise fortune teller machines, etc 

the stage show features highly elaborate puppetry culminating in a HUGE deadlights pennywise about to consume the audience until the Losers appear at the last second to vanquish him, encouraging the audience to shout him down with them to help defeat him 

- also has a babadook photo spot made to look like the pop up illustrations (and sometimes a babadook character actor visits for pictures) 

- nearby there’d be a midway with carnival games, maybe those balloon squirter clown games with classic pennywise, something for Us maybe a mirror maze or something. a sandwich shop called The Sand Witch

- im neglecting most of the major slashers bc i dont really care about them lmfao maybe freddy kreuger gets a funhouse or something. all i remember about him is the wiggly arms and the blood geyser thing 

- id want to do themed outfits for workers like disney where like everyone in the pennywise area are circus performers and scary clowns, some are vampires some are zombies etc 

- i cant think of what to do with childs play, id absolutely want to have a darkride for something but i cant think what would translate best. it’d be cool to have like an interactive animatronic chucky somewhere, like you can ask him questions and stuff (however that roz animatronic and california adventure works, like how she comments on specific guests on the way by so clearly someone’s controlling it but it still sounds like her) 

- i dont generally care about fnaf at all but i think it’d be great as a real freddy fazbear pizza place with the animatronics performing “normally” (but slightly Wrong. big inspiration from these voice acting clips where they’re just a little glitchy and sometimes its like ‘wait what did he just say’) but at certain times there would be staged “glitches” where the robots suddenly go rogue and like. the lights go out or a curtain falls when its “not supposed to” or something and one of the animatronics DISAPPEARS!! and its like “uhhh NOT TO WORRY, FOLKS, EVERYTHING’S ABSOLUTELY FINE...I...uh...[stage whispering into a walkie talkie] where is he. FIND that bear, NOW-” [freddy’s little song starts and you see his face flickering in a window right behind them]

maybe have actors planted as “guests” who get dragged off 

- then theres the shining’s Overlook Hotel and the Bates Motel and my first thought was to do some kind of walkthrough haunted house attraction in the overlook but maybe those are better suited to just being themed actual hotels connected to the park. definitely want the overlook hedge maze though

- anyway also a graveyard garden ft a garden of poisonous plants and a garden of carnivorous plants complete with an animatronic audrey II and other monster plants but also would have real poisonous/carnivorous plants as well 

- and a little witch apothecary shop in there with like. witchy themed candles, teas, bath stuff, etc. an Oddities Emporium somewhere that has weird morbid collectibles from around the world, bones and preserved jar specimens and stuff. some things would be like real collectors items or intricate reconstructions some would be like, models/soap that looks like an alien head in a jar/etc 

- there would be a Dracula’s Castle attraction designed like a classic haunted house ride ft the universal monsters, and a corresponding vampire themed fine dining restaurant with live music at night (or. un-live) 

- maybe some kind of mad science lab themed bar with drinks in test tubes and beakers and stuff

- jigsaw escape room challenge themed for Saw but obviously not ever putting guests in any real danger, im trying to think of how you could recreate the. like. it’s like an escape room puzzle, but when you figure out the answer there’s that moment of “oh fuck. oh god fucking fuck no” when you realize what you have to do, how could you recreate that in a fictional/for-fun setting where the guests know they aren’t really in danger and you’re not actually putting anyone at risk. like maybe gross but safe challenges. i dont know. maybe some kind of system where if you “die” you’re out of the game and there’s some prize if you “survive” to the end so someone might have to “sacrifice” themself but no one’s actually getting hurt 

it’s like how do you balance “you wanna scare people” with “you want them to understand they are in fact actually safe” 

- a special effects workshop that showcases some behind the scenes makeup and practical effects, makeup artists doing horror face paint/etc for guests

- a ghostbusters themed blaster ride (the ones where you shoot targets n get points) (we have ‘ghost blasters’ at the boardwalk here lmao im not gonna pretend that wasnt where i got this idea. look up ‘sally corp ghost blasters’ if you’re interested in that) 

- i really want to say ‘and a Mrs. Lovett’s Meat Pies restaurant’ but would that be Too gross. like obviously it wouldn’t be a Real Cannibalism Restaurant lmao but would the theming put people off too much 

anyway thats what i got hire me to design your theme park i have no experience and no capability of actually realizing any of this but boy do i have ideas 

#junk tag #pinned #/I/ still think my ideas are good even if no one else does lmfao

[freshfromthegraveyard]

Bullying.

Super random.

As a kid who was bullied less by other students and more so by teachers.

I was bullied for my brain not matching my exterior. Being an embassy brat, when I came to the US for school I often was and still act like a foreigner in my own country. But I am a blonde white girl. So this was never well received. Not grasping certain things was seen as an act, or attention seeking. If I had the nerve to correct a teacher on something about a country I lived in. I was shot down in a publicly humiliating manor to ensure I knew my place. If I looked like someone from that country I gurantee they would have actually opened up the floor for me to discuss my homeland.

When I did start gaining weight due to an emotional trigger. I did still for some reason always maintain confidence in other areas. Like I knew I was getting chubby and fatter. But was like meh, whatever I'm still smart, funny and can draw. Heck I'm still a beast in PE. Running sucks but I can still do other shit. So I wasn't always picked last. I still had friends. If my weight was mocked I kind of got it and was like yah I did get fat but I can loose it. I was always active so it was never hard to lose a lil chub. Sadly I did go way past chub into super fat town and man losing that shit was hard and daunting. Still was the same me no matter what school I went to. Still made friends.

The only people I got super offended by when they made fun of my weight was the teachers. Because again, your an Adult picking on a kid. That is a low blow a cheap shot. Remarkably my bad grades have nothing to do with being fat. I don't go home and be like oh donuts well no time for school work. I will always have a learning disability, and a massive sleep disorder. Meds do help. I hate being one of THOSE people who fall under the excuses department but it is like night and day. It is not as simple as stfu and pay attention. I even got mad at myself thinking I was dumb because of this. Like yup, those honors classes you take now are just because of the meds. Your actually an idiot. Why do you take those AND a special class, why do you still take your tests in the library or have to read in total silence? Your dumb that's why! So I went off my meds to prove a point. The point wound up being my grades dropped and everything was so much more of a struggle. The stress was awful. It was the stupidest thing I could have done to myself. But just in case other generations feel that learning disabilities are cop outs. Please know. They aren't. Infact some people get tested for adult learning disabilities and it changes their lives.

Anyway, on back to bullying.

At one school, when I was first gaining the weight. I still had friends. I was still given the frog eye because of my white girl forgienerism, thankfully at that time I was in a private school and the teachers did not bully me about it because new flash private schools get military brats. Though I always had to write papers on countries I hadn't been to. Good call actually.

But here is the kicker. Though my bullying did not really start until public schools. Again I cannot stress enough that what was done by teachers was far more damaging then anything some kid could say.

I did, possibly unlike some bullied.

I always noticed who else was bullied.

I'm an odd lil bird in that, while I could be entirely self absorbed and be all about me. I remember who and why other kids for bullied.

I bet most people will think since I got bullied for being plump I only root for body positivity of the plump sort. You couldn't be more wrong.

The ONE person who had it the worst at the private school, was a tall lanky girl. She wanted the same thing all us girls wanted. To be like the cool girls at the time. She was thin due to her incredible metabolism, and her height, she was shy, and due to being made stand out, only getting shier. She was one of the first people I remember talking on my first day of school other then Rosemary a girl who just was genuinely cute and nice. I've yet to meet a Rosemary who wasn't. I get a whisper from a fellow student not to talk to this thin girl too much. I'm like.....why? Their like, well she's just kind of strange. I'm like, I'm new, so logically I'm gonna be the resident strange kid for a while. But how is she strange exactly. She just seems quite. Their like exactly. I'm like, 11 and confused af. I'm like, wait why is being quite weird in a bad way? Before I could spit most of that out the teacher agree on my suggestion of being quite. Being a embassy brat, I had NO probably striking up new convos with perfect strangers. Ie kids at a school I just met. Before the hell that was HS. I was anything BUT shy. When you move around a lot you need to make friends fast. That and I was born not giving a shit and thinking I was the shit. Before the weight gain I assure you I was cute as hell with attitude to spare. So I was not entirely wrong.

I didn't let this why is silent bad thing go. I still talked to this mysterious thin girl. I sat with her at lunch. Prior to that I kept asking why her just being quite was bad. They said it just made them uncomfortable. I did ask the obvious of did it ever occur to you guys that you treating her weird makes her silent. Their like no she came that way. I couldn't argue because a lot of these kids did know eachother since kindergarten so ya know. They maybe right even if it is wrong. In case you have not guessed. Being raised an only kid, overseas you have bennies of being treated like an adult and being more logical then a kid the same age. Hence why I sound more adult in this story cuz I always was even if I still enjoyed childish endeavors *Like I still do*

Here is the heart breaker. The thin girl at lunch enjoyed my company. I made her laugh a lot that day and got her talking *novel concept when you reach out to someone* at the end of lunch though. She said, this was nice but ya know you shouldn't really hang around me the other kids will black ball you. I'm like yeah, I don't care. She's like no, you should. I appreciate it, but another group has tried and the other kids make life hard on them. I'm like well I extra don't care. I said your kind of in luck. I don't stay at schools very long so by the time they do that to me I will probably be moving. Plus being the new kid I will be resident weirdo for a while. I can play dumb for a long time and befriend the black balled.

I told her which, I don't get why. I said, being shy is the last reason someone should be pushed aside. Granted it took me a few times to get you to talk BUT I gotcha damnit *swearing in Catholic school woot* *at a whisper less woot*

So I made friends, with the very group she spoke of who had made efforts to friend her. I also was friends with other groups. Including 2 class clowns, 2 twin black girls who too me for forever to realize they were twins. I had one jerk kid who ironically was a pretty chubby dude to be so judgy about me being a chubby chick. But I still was friends with thin girl be damned. Needed a book shared in class and no one would share with her. ME! And don't be fooled our one class clown never had a homework buddy because surprise ppl thought he couldn't be serious. ME! I think the funniest thing that happened at that school was rainy day recess where class was divided up for games. Started up with normal dictionary teams. Then Okay Megan is really good at this, let's pair her with the one person who isn't. Okay still really good at this both drawing and guessing. Let's make the team's be class vs Megan. It's only fair. Sorry it still amuses me. My one glory day.

Back to bullying.

Though at the private school, bullying was far minimal. and kids really had to be imaginative. Since we all wore uniforms. Kids had to be like, well they make us laugh, but he's probably not serious about his hw. Woo. Wow. Lame. She's too quite. So lame. She's too smart. All of these are so damn lame. And let's face it none are bad qualities. Sorry the kid finds hw boring and is a quick whit. You actually have to be smart to be fast in humor. She's quite. So she's reserved and actually nice if you reach out. Your only too smart if you can't use your book sense.

Now, public school. Girl was made fun of for being too thin, having the nerve to go through puberty *ie acne* and also was very shy, if not stand offish, not dressing nice enough. If anything, id say she tried to look her worst regardless of what students said. I could go on about warning signs this child had. My mom caught them instantly. Did the school? NO

Turns out she was being molested by her stepdad. Like, srsly. My mom met her once and got it. Oy. So sad. I have a lot of guilt for not being able to communicate better with her though.

Anyway, another girl, got made fun of for having big boobs which she hated especially during PE. I don't blame her.

Yet another girl made fun of for being too thin. She was petite and had all brothers. So she was small and mean.

Another girl was shaped more like a guy and strong. She excelled in some PE sports but still made fun of.

Guys, same deal. If they had curly hair that's a pain to style. Chubby but not good at sports. And idky other kids care if you are good at grades or not? Like, we all have the same hw if you can spell congrats. Some ppl have dyslexia so ya know kindly fuck off.

Why does a grade make you popular or not?

It's odd to me. It's like, you need to get good grades but not TOO GOOD cuz then your too smart and it's also weird. Public school bullying. Lawd have mercy. Talk about a new level of awful.

Again, I was attacked publically by teachers. Who decided I was infact fat and stupid and somehow cheating at art?

I had art taken away from me as it was a distraction. Since I was bad at reading out loud all of my work was to be delivered in this fashion. I corrected a teacher on some foreign affairs, as he got locations, pronunciation, law, and well just a fucking lot wrong about a country I lived in for so long. I held myself back on so much but it was like he was getting everything confused with an entirely different country. For one thing he was still mentioning a city by it's old name. Like omg update

your book man!!! When I finally sad something he blew a stack and made sure everyone in the class was aware of how fat and ignorant I was.

When I told my parents. Boy did they come undone. At the parent teacher conference this same teacher said "if Megan would put down the donuts and study this wouldn't be an issue" yah my dad pinned him to a wall by his neck. Mind you this was after he had already

Made repeated digs at me, my family, and pretty much anything we could stand for. My parents also made the argument that if a student was a concert pianist or a ballet dancer. Would they take away their craft? No. So why take away my art? Both piano and ballet are considered art. Needless to say this battle of the teachers vs parents and all the horrible things they said and did was not over. Two shrinks were involved, and the state was called in. Their shrink and our shrink. The shrinks wound up agreeing and asked the state to come in for a learning disability test. Hence me first getting diagnosed. The shrinks also needed the teachers to understand something. They brought my mom in, since the one teacher now feared my father *not that my mom couldn't take him* the teachers sat down, the shrinks showed them pics of me thin and active and the dates. They show me chubby then thin again due to being an active kid. They then ask when my recent weight gain started. My mom didn't even hesitate she just took off her wig from cancer to reveal her bald head and said about when this happened. She said she was studying to finalize some culinary school work at a local college. She said she knows her daughter felt food was an emotional way to be close to her. My shrink said. Sometimes fat is better then too thin. You can lose fat. You can't undo the damages of too thin if bulimia sets in.

So you'd think the teachers would back off. Ha. No. That one male teacher persisted that everyone has problems and I needed to suck it up. I was now all of 12. He loved making fun of me. I also noticed, though I was his favorite to pick on. I was not alone. He hated anyone who could not read out loud flawlessly. He hated anyone who was not athletic and bragged about his triathlons to this day I get an eye tick around the word. Friend of mine was a solid A student. Read flawlessly outloud. But guess what she had some small kid pudge on her. The second her history teacher went into his class. There goes her straight As. She got a B- in his class. Never on tests with multiple choice, just written work and general performance. Ya know subjective stuff. Not shady at all. Mom got wind and had enough. She sat in his class one day. In my friends class no less. Not mine on purpose. She sat their and made fun of him the way he did us. She's like hey kids, I know this guy makes fun of all the students. Let's make fun of him the same way. Isn't he kind of short? Like really short. I met his wife, he must use a step ladder to kiss her. He's also bald. Notice how he only keeps pictures of himself in tight triathlon clothes or old pics with long hair. Think he's compensating for something?? Who keeps pics of themselves on their desk!?! My husband has his family. Self centered much?

And what's with those triathlons anyway?

We notice you hate fatties. Were you a fatty? Do you run from calories? Did a fatty break your heart? What is it? Why do you hate them So? She's like, actually, it doesn't matter. Whatever your problem is it should not be taken out on children. My mom continued. She's like, ya know why he picks on you kids. One your the only people smaller then him. Two he is to cowardly to stand up to other adults. My husband pinned him against a wall and his eyes nearly popped out of his head from terror. Yeah. All talk this little fart. He obviously was livid talking over her saying she can't do this, he's calling the cops for trespassing.

Apparently when she opened the room up to the kids to pick at him they had a bunch of weird shit they noticed he does. One kid said he's just jealous because everyone likes his wife as a teacher better. That's why he made her stay home with the kids or keep having a kid. She's like everyone liked her? Whole room was like best teacher award every year!

Lol this dude didn't speak for days he was just fuming. It got better when, guess what my mom met his wife and put on her best cute, sweet innocent lady routine. I remember walking to our truck, douche teacher behind me. *cuz of course I had to stay after in his class for some kind of punishment*

His wife was all smiles at my mom, looked over at him with such a look. My mom had an evil smile looking at him like. Checkmate mother fucker. I sat in the truck, waiting for her. Dressed daper. Smiling. She sets behind the wheel, we drive off. She's like well we tried the proper channels first. He made me play dirty but I assure you the war is over.

So, turns out, his wife was a loved teacher BECAUSE she had a lot of patience for her students and taught both standard and kids with learning disabilities. So to say she was understanding is an understatement. I mean, my mom didn't know this when speaking to her. It was actually a whim, when she saw her while waiting to pick me up and just got to talking.

Anyway, the point of this INSANELY long post.

Is as a kid that was not so much bullied by peers as much as by teachers. I also was not always bullied about my weight as much as just being considered an attention seeking liar THEN my intelligence and weight was thrown in for extra damage.

It is true, the book by its cover. I am still a foreigner in a American white girl body. I still have some wires crossed. I still don't know all customs or referrences. My spelling is bad. My accent isnt. Family was 2 people. My perspective is Global. Africa, Asia, an American Farm is my background.

Bullying, just cuz I got fat. Doesn't mean I didn't see the people who got made fun of for being too thin. Before I stopped struggling in school. I noticed kids got bullied for their grades. As if the school and parents are not going to add enough pressure. If you have a talent that is not a sport or a musical instrument. You are not of value. Which is funny in a society that worships actors and models. All of whom rarely look a thin like they look like now in school.

There have been a lot of school shootings over the years. I remember when Columbine happened.

Remember early on in my status of the thin girl? Regardless of people telling me again and again that I would be some social pyria for being nice to her. I still did it. Over and over. I did more to make myself look stupid then she ever could have. Nothing ever happened to me because of her. Even if it had. I wouldn't have cared. Because I had a friend in her. We would at least be weirdos together was my logic.

If you make the effort. More then once. Because some shells are really hard to crack. Because some people have been hurt a lot. At least you tried. In COLLEGE none the less. My roommate and I met quite possibly the most socially awkward creature alive. We tried repeatedly to make friends or at least make peace with this creature. To no damn ivale. Senior yr this person asked me why no one likes them. I told them that wasn't fair because we all have made efforts to involve them in groups, shinnangans, hang out, we even through JUST them a birthday party. We have all made the effort. It's a two way street. I said basically you want friends like robots. You want us to turn on when you want us and power down in an instant when you are done with us and offer nothing in return. You also cannot be rude to ppl and expect forgiveness when there is really no foundation or trust built. We can say honest things because we know that friend is a friend and is sincere and cares for our best interest. You tend to think blurting out something offensive saying no offensive it's just my opinion and smiling is some how okay. It's just awkward.

So in that particular occassion. 4 years. My friend and I, as well as others. Genuinely tried to make friends or something with this person. Some people just want or view friendship differently. They may find a perfect fit later who is not you. But DAMNIT you tried. With bullying I just want people to reach out.

And if you see someone IN THE PROCESS of being bullied. Get off your ass and intervene.

Believe it or not, confusion is a great tactic.

Say 3 ppl are picking on a kid at lunch in your school. You could approach and interupt. You do not have to get personal. If they pick on you next. Point that out. Like what tools they are that that is all they can do. Bring friends over to help break it up. Honestly when I say confusion is a great weapon I mean it. Make up gibberish and start talking like that. Speak another language the bullies won't know. Anything that will just frustrate them and make them leave. Essentially your goal is to not engage with them, be as annoying as possible and make them leave. Another strategy is to be as agreeable as possible, so sickeningly friendly that they also lose their momentum. Gauge your situation, the energy and see which would work best. They sound absurd but diffusing a situation is far better.

The key is, don't sit by and let someone suffer.

Don't join in. Also guess what. As juicey and fun as gossip seems especially in school. Guess what, it's usually lies and incredibly harmful. If you partake you are an accessory to bullying. Shocking I know.

Learning how stop gossip in it's tracks when you are young is a great life lesson.

Sadly you will run into gossip at all stages of life. So stopping it, ...as best you can. When your young. Can safe a life!

The thing about gossip. If people don't have good dirt on someone, they will make shit up. Movies like Mean Girls and Easy A point this out. I've heard gossip about myself or friends and some is almost laughable how ridiculous it is. But going up to someone and being like hey is it true this that or the other. Or treating them different all of a sudden. As if we also don't hear the whispers.

Gossip is just a form of bullying. So think about it as being an accessory to a crime. It is equally as serious. Like a crime, you have the power to stop it.

So many people talk of the mass shootings, what about the kids who are as young as 8 taking their own lives due to bullying.

I really cannot stress enough, to please, if you see someone being bullied. Help that victim in the moment. Step in, bring back up. Be confusing. Be nice. Be whatever it takes to save a life or lives.

Also it is clear the bullying is caused from something. Usually bullies are being bullied themselves or have some sort of problem.

I remember reading one story of a bully who came unhinged over the smallest thing. Would lie in wait and actually burned another child with scalding hot water. Now that story was a case for mental illness. Which brings me to a situation. If a person is a bully and being bullied by someone else. Like another sibling, a parent, or so forth. That is rough because really not everyone can afford counseling which is what that would require. Next if someone is displaying violence due to a mental illness that too would require counseling, psychiatric and possibly medication down the road. All expensive.

It's not fair that mental healthcare of any kind is a luxury. When no one chooses to have mental health issues. Most insurance companies only allow so many visits. Not nearly enough to scratch the surface of a garden much less the human mind. Plus if medication was involved, that is such an arguous process. Any mental health medication is a huge battle of trial and error and all medications take a while to get into your system. For one to be properly judged for mental health, has to be in your system long enough for you to have had your moods elevated. Essentially were you challenged at all in 6 months time? Did you have a reason to get angry, or be depressed. Anything to trigger mood swings to see how the medication altered your brains reaction.

I mean damn. That is a lot to wait for, and rarely does the first shoe fit.

After working in a local ER. I realized how sad, and how many holes are in our health care system. How long people have to wait to see anyone. How long for a room to become available. How short your treatment is.

At the same turn. When you come across none feeling bullies. The type they tell young kids to kill themselves. That hound them every day and night. Stalk them on any outlet they can find. Because they have nothing better to do then bring one person misery. When do they become accountable?

I do believe some bullies need help to stop the cycle. I also believe some have shown signs that they live a charmed life, are not bullied themselves and show no signs of a mental illness. They have admitted to just being board. *maybe the mental illness is in the path family ;>_>*

Anyway, for those few bullies that qualify. I just wonder if they should be held accountable for say a wrongful death. If the person they taunted or catfished killed themselves.

I often think that because bullying has no consequences that that is why it continues.

That if it had something truly scary to face. Maybe then kids would cut the shit.

We all know, those who have been bullied. That if you talk to an authority figure. Absolutely NOTHING happens. You still get bullied.

ladies. Hahaha isn't that rich?

And what of those rare occasions where those teachers where beaten by students on a gang like scene? What then?

Or in reverse in my situation? Where I was bullied for the majority of my life BY the faculty. Who do I turn to in a school and say, your staff is picking on me?

My last job had a bullying situation.

It was unbelievable to watch unfold. It wasn't even in my department per say. In the employee handbook it said they took bullying seriously. They had a senior staff member who was a out of control bully. She had great work history, but I guess her head got too big. She bullied everyone something awful and they lost countless people due to it. Here's the thing, while she did EVENTUALLY get fired for bullying. It took a while. A lot of new employees where very honest about why they were leaving. Many current employees made it known that all the reasons things never progressed or moral was low was bullying. Apparently this was brought up in staff meetings but went no where. It finally came to a head when they got a new boss on the floor, and a long time employee moved from one department down to that one. I guess her statement was more believable then that of new employees saying I'm leaving because I was bullying.

The thing that bothers me is. A why would a new employee lie? A new employee wants to fit in. They want to do there best. They have to learn the motion of the ocean real quick. They wanted that job. I doubt they wanted to leave that job so quickly. For one it never looks good on a resume. Do you know how defeating it is to be bullied that bad into leaving?

That is why I find it sad they did not listen to the previous statements. I understand that for a bullying case to stick. I guess they needed plenty of evidence. I know they certainly had it.

But in the case of schools. A friend of mine teachers whee toddlers. From babies to 3yr olds. And she has told me how early they start bullying.

Back to my statement on whether it's mental illness, they are being bullied elsewhere or if nothing at all is wrong. Are factors. Because listening to her. She has seen all three that young already and it's like wow if you can catch it that early. Again we could save lives on both sides of the situation.

Sorry random memory lane. Coupled with some random thoughts about current events.

#bullying #mass shooting #stop bullying #suicide #help #overseas #mental health #children #teens #young adults #gossip #don't be assholes #morel of the story

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Concerts 2019-February 2020 : favorite songs and tid bits from shows

Cage the Elephant- Back stabbin’ Betty is my favorite song by them. Telescope was really great to hear live because of the soothing tone of the song and the energy behind it and reminds me of being younger feeling moody. It was my friends birthday, and we drove there in a stacked line of cars to the outdoor cathedral. We had to drive down a surprisingly long dirt road, and walked to the amphitheater. We passed these rainbow bicycles strewn about that were for only google workers to use, and I peed in an open undeveloped field half way to our destination. The closer we got the more packed it got. We made it in through the crowds to a grassy ledge way back behind the seats, but found ourselves a good view. When the music began it was so exciting to watch the dad with his kid on his shoulders, the group of hispanic guys singing along, and this tinder date gone wrong unfolding before us. So two couples came to watch next to eachother, and couple A’s frat boy ended up grinding on couple B’s female (EVEN DURING SLOW SONGS)... nothing like a sad slow grind I guess? My friends mom showed up with her personal favorite type of alcohol that she knows my friend can’t stand and drank it for her. The people in front of us started smoking weed, and we ended up moving to a spot where we could watch a close up screen of what the singers actually looked like. Beck seemed desperate when he came on stage mentioning more times than needed that he opened for greenday, and wouldn’t let the poor cage the elephant’s main singer get a break so he wouldn’t feel lonely on stage. He was dressed to the 10s, and had a big crazy finale. Next time I listened to cage the elephant, it was my friend playing cigarette daydream driving to a thai food date with my lovely friend and it was reminiscent of simpler times and very peaceful.  

The Growlers- They have not made a bad album. I love how the singer moves with his music, and I just couldn’t stop smiling at their show in Seattle! I can’t choose just one song I like the best because they all feel so nice to listen to. The guy from the Strokes produced some of their new music, and I was worried at first that it might shift away from their raw sound, but I can’t complain. Its great. It makes me so happy whenever I listen to them even when when the songs have dark themes, there is something really reassuring about his voice. The flight to Seattle was so funny, I watched yes man completely silent with subtitles with my best friend. The first day in the city we walked around with our suitcases feeling especially ‘standing out like a sore thumb’ which made us feel somewhere between embarrassed and fabulous. Our Canadian friends had a cousin we got to stay with and drove us to the show after a city tour, and called in an old favor with the venue people to let in our Canadian buddies. (She’s so cool she showed us this multi floor brick artist loft overlooking the ocean with a band that never stops playing, burning man kind of creative energy) Long story short at the concert, I went to get us all drinks, couldn’t bring them to the floor (drinking age in Canada is different than US and we didn’t think ahead) so I had to drink all the drinks I bought for us. Very tipsy I danced held and had an emotional connection with the flamboyant fella next to me, along with anyone willing. I was in a floor length sparkly black sheer dress- so I was feeling hot haha. The venue was like a formal old style maybe dance hall and had chandeliers. Im pretty sure the walls were painted red, but I cant be sure. 

The Oh Sees- They were sold out in San Francisco, which is why we went to Seattle! My friend is a psych rock connoisseur, and says that she has been listening to them 2 years going and is still in love. Their mosh pit was fantastic, and my ears were ringing for the next couple of days. Very experimental, and the songs all have a wonderful way of combining which I really appreciate. The Daily heavy is a very exciting song, The duck intro never fails to disappoint. I dressed in ripped jeans, combat boots (thank god), and a jean jacket. We spent touring with my friend bf in the city and the gardens, ending up on this very hip part of town. The grunge phase was never just a phase for Seattle, but a life style. The poles on the street were like an arm width thick with posters tacked one on the next. My friend almost got hit by the door by thee Oh Sees lead singer she has been geeking out on and was flattered. I was trying to find her a suitable hook up, but we wern’t so lucky. The venue was dark and moody with hip band posters on the walls upstairs. We got some drinks and talked about how nice it was to not have to worry about how to hold our arms or think about our hands, because we had drinks. The first band I really didn’t like. The Oh sees had suuuch nice crowd energy. We went up to the non gendered bathrooms at one point, but my friends favorite song came on right she was about to go in and she just said fuck it and we ran back downstairs. I moshed and it felt so so nice, and I stepped out so I could keep an eye on my friend when she went in. I didn’t want her to get overwhelmed or hurt without someone to get her out. She did really good at just going with it. The outro to the concert was bizarre and lengthy, and a good way to finish her off.

The Mystic Braves- This was my first show I saw at the Chapel in San Francisco, and it was so wonderful! Amazing grapefruit tequila something I tried, everyone was really laid back, and I just had this feeling of being really happy I got to be here at this place and time. And the disco ball looks so cool watching how the lights carry across the bright red interior super steep ceiling. There were candles along the side walls, and I felt like it was really fitting for a repurposed church. My favorite song by them is can’t grow peaches and cloud nine! The lead singer wore really tight pants. My friend said she recognized different musicians there. I was admiring so many different beautiful people that were collected around that stood out in a way that next to each other they seemed to fit (if that makes sense). I went up to the upstairs bar and pretended like some wealthy moody city person like a sultry vampire-y version of sex and the city. Downstairs after the show we went to a bar filled with distorted clocks and ate frys, talking about how nice it would be to talk to people and know what to say. 

Astroid No. 4- They played the same night as The Mystic braves, and we got there late, so we just caught the tail end. They are note worthy though, they have a good sound.

Andre Moya- Claro Esta En Mi Corazon makes me get that feeling like eating really good chocolate does- if that makes any sense. Summer’s Daughter is so dreamy, his sound is gorgeous! It was a couple days before Halloween, and it was supposed to be a costume party kind of thing, so it said. My friend and I went dressed as clowns and we are stand off-ish typically even when we don’t want to be. We parked and some dude made fun of us before we even got out, and it was so hard to go in but we drove all the way out to santa cruz to see him in a wind storm. Anyways it was like 7 of his friends hanging out drinking beer when we went up, none in costumes. He didn’t get to play much because some miscommunication with the Catalyst where he was playing, but he was so sweet! They threw together costumes when we came, and he introduced us to his friends and gave us beers, and we did our best to talk. Such a beautiful legs and long hair, not to mention a very dynamic painter! I got asked on the street by a kind guy if I wanted to go get dinner with him and I politely declined. Our clown duo me and my pal went to Pluto’s cafe who are opened until 3am and ate vegan nachos, and I was convincing myself that I could feel drunk off a beer. The drive back wasn’t as scary and windy thank god.

The Dead Ghosts-  They got one of their songs on a Canadian sitcom show called Letterkenny! They played at the Chapel, and the singer was so funny he dedicated one of his last songs to this couple who were choking on eachothers tongues the entire time. Its funny that he made a point of that because me and my boyfriend were going to makeout for a sec to see if we could not be anxious sober doing that, but I wussed out. He talked with us for a while after the show which was really cool. I really like ‘When it comes to you’ by them. It felt so nice just him like sitting on the stage chatting with my friend and boyfriend about the funny things he’s come across, his travels, what his music reminds us of and the such.

Torrey- They were so sweet! My boyfriend described them as great sunset music and got all excited when they had a couple of free CDs, but didn’t get to them in time. He talked to the main girl and she mailed one to Costa Mesa for him! Scruffy is my favorite song by them, I agree they are great sunset drive music. She was so cute! 

The Shivas- So they started the band back when they were teenagers in Oregon, and the Catalyst was their first venue that opened their doors to get them on their first little tour! They were very thankful and gave them a big thanks during the show in Santa Cruz. You make me wanna die is their biggest song, and I’ve loved it for so long, its the best feeling to put a face to a voice! And they have such a cute look! The guy in control of the lighting had a few projectors pointing at the band and had a different colorful puddles of dyed oils, water and bubbles that he would distort with the music, which was really exciting to watch. Turn me on is a great song, and I bought a pin for a dollar with the cover art on it. 

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard- Driving in the city my best friend does very very good at and Im proud of her for it. We parked in this absolutely massive parking garage that felt like an extended dream walking through the huge in ground spiral upwards searching for a door. We made it up, but I freaked my friend out a bit getting into the surreal feeling of the place. The street was filled with cool people, and we often talk about how we wished we could smoke. But my friend and I had the same problem with track, which is we are both just bad at breathing. Huge dream like open space building in a tight line spiraling upstairs to this overly formal but massive room with huge arches and a tall tall ceiling. Big huge fans in those windows to get this massive body of humans some air. People smoked weed around us in the crowd, so we were in and out so my friend wouldn’t have to worry about breathing. Their concert was something brand new. It was like the first time being in the snow or something- just insane. This show was their first release of Infest the rats nest. They have a huge group of guys, including 2 drummers that play in sync, and OH MAN. The energy in that room and how we all fed off the transitions in the music and how you can see physically how people in the audience change with the music. Plus their music brings up things that genuinely frighten me like climate change. I just recommend the whole album of infest the rats nest. And fishing for fishies is a song that sounds child like and a completely different tone which I was listening to before I went in and was completely caught off gaurd. 

Stonefield- They are the second band I’ve bought a shirt from (Wooing was the first band). Its really cool. They remind me of classic rock music when people started getting all experimental. The whole band is female and they all came out wearing matching corduroy pants and jackets, each in a different color, and all have really long hair. I really like People by them and Delusion is great too. They are so hot ah man what a power move to wear all corduroy matching suits and play so hardy ooh man. 

Twin Peaks- The crowd surprised me! Lots of people who obviously went to Berkley which was a bit intimidating honestly. They have a lot of nice songs, Making Breakfast and Shake your Lonely are good for a morning perhaps where you are making breakfast. I can see it walking somewhere laid back. Mid-day only if its summer and you are by a body of water.

Post Animal- Their first album is great, then they got a bit more of a pop sound. Buried gold in that first album! What the heck they make an album like that and then got popular for their pop?? That first album shows that they are great at what they do, and hopefully it will get dug up and popular and they will come home to psych rock papa. Tame Impala got big for it, so if they are worried about being less liked for more of a psychedelic sound then piggy back on tame impalas newer fan base. Not ideal but PLEASE such posibility lost when they rolled over and went pop.

The Drums-  “I want to buy you something, but I don’t have any moneyyy, I don’t have any moneeeey!” There is a real hit home chorus if Ive ever heard one. Very much a surfer feeling, and Im for it. Dark themed beachy pop (for their older stuff), great control over his voice, and he dances when he sings which I love. Their new stuff has some tech-y sounds in it. They played in the Catalyst too, but the big room for them because they are more known. 

COWGIRL CLUE- Walked blind into that one. Had no previous knowledge of music like hers before being there. We were so worried that her microphone wasn’t picking up her voice, and thats why we couldn’t make out her words. She’s dating a guy from the garden so I heard. CHERRY JUBILEE is honestly a banger and it took time to realize it haha

The Black Lips- The girl in the band is so hot I love her look so much! They played in San Jose on this street with nice art galleries on and around it. O Katrina and Crystal Night are my favorite songs by them. They have an interesting mix of band members, they all have their own distinct style which is unusual, but it was nice. And the audience was the same kind of assortment of the outliers which makes me comfortable. The bar had a kind of rugged presence that was the first of its kind for me.

Ohmme- I cried hearing them sing. Such insane knowledge of how to use their voices, listening to them in person it makes sense when people talk about voices as instruments. They know what they are doing and they just work so well together. I have this feeling that there is possibly an Irish folk influence? Im not sure if Im reading that in. But that, some great guitar shindigs that they play, there is an element of surprise as their songs transition in intensity. Give me back my man and Fingerprints are so satisfying. Wheel is their newest (and real good). AND THEN SHE WHIPPED OUT THAT VIOLIN Oh man so talented. Plus they brought up points for being pro choice, access to period material, strong feminist power here ahh

Wand- The singers voice is so distinctively peaceful and entrancing, the music is psychedelic and makes your mind wander with it like a dream. They remind me of Radiohead but my friend said those are figting words (haha).They played at a venue attached to a bar made for old guys to hang out in, and you could tell by the crowd. Anyways. Im convinced their bass player was checking me out and I was very flattered. He had a beautiful hairline which is something I didn’t know could be beautiful- but it really works nicely with his face structure. The singer uses a violin bow to play electric guitar with which is a very new concept to me! My favorite part about them is the transitions of intensity throughout their songs, there is something almost orchestral about it that just makes me tear up thinking about. The lighting was absolutely beautiful! You remember the Shivas concert I talked about with the lighting being experimental pools of colored translucent liquids and oils on projectors all moving with the music? Well this was that but evolved. Pricy looking projectors and high saturation colors. The motions of this music just carry you through so many feelings and just being a part of the color and music just melts ya. Bee Karma, 6661,Wonder, Keep you up Aghhhh so good! so so so good.

Bridget Dawson- She was so cute! A band of misfits! She makes music with the Oh Sees now and then, and I liked how they had saxophone in all their songs. They played at the chapel, and we got our favorite grapefruit- tequila drinks. Its called Paloma I think. This guy who plays spanish classical guitar live stream on his instagram now and then and dresses all 70s (He sang both my friend and I into songs on his instagram live feed and made us geek out kinda hard) was talking to Andre Moya and we were giving them some space to talk to the bar tenders before we went over because we think they are cool and we were kind of embarrassed for being legitimate clowns in front of Angelic Andre. Any who, Bridget Dawson has a beautiful voice and you can really tell she loves making music. When the band was playing I was just imagining how I could run into them just like grocery shopping or at the library or somewhere unexpected because we are all little people with our own lives and minds and how you never know who’s in that creative stream of consciousness until you dig around a bit and really listen to how they perceive and interpret the world.

Mr. Elevator- You can tell by the singers voice that he kind. Dreamer is my favorite song by them! Nico and her psychedelic subconscious not only is a great name for a song, but was really fun to see people really get into dancing to that song. I really appreciate the people who want to dance and just do because they feel like it and don’t need any other thought than that to move. Getting to this frame of mind would feel so freeing, and Im taking my baby steps to allowing myself access to my voice and body. The crowd’s energy was just at a place I really want to be. They play a lot of electric keyboard and organ (organ? Oregon?) The singer had such an embracing energy about him I wish we could be friends :)

Kamikaze Palm tree- The keyboardist that played with Wand reappeared in The Catalyst’s mid sized room for the first set (and my personal favorite of the 3 bands that night). Here we had first band member: very focused beautiful drummer/singer with a white mullet- very etherial, second band member: an individual who had eyes like death that would find a victim to stare into in between bouts of expressive movement while they played guitar (lipstick, cute little hearts on the cheeks, curly hair, preferred gender unknown), and third: our sweet keyboardist that played with Wand earlier. The guitarist was all over the place, the other two were the picture frame. The keyboardist was obviously entertained by the guitarist, and the drummer/singer was back and forth between guitar in front, drumming in back, singing wherever she was at the time. Their music has as much energy and movement as their action of performance. My favorite part was when the guitarist stared into my soul with dark eyes. Looking into someones eyes is one of the most intimate actions you can have with another person, and they gave me a dead stare I was so flattered and enjoyed observing their stone-like expression. And their music feels like they get the same ups and downs going between the energies of peace and chaos. It was like an inner dialogue behind their music, and I couldn’t help but cry smiling like a weirdo. There weren’t many people at the venue yet, so it was a little practice of letting myself feel(and I don’t think I was too obvious thankfully).

Froth- They played after Kamikaze Palm tree. These guys had an interesting social dynamic. The drummer seemed to be micro managing the volumes of their output, and had an extensive dialogue with the guys in charge of sound. But maybe the last band put it on odd levels or something (which I wouldn’t doubt.)  The singer seemed really tense about the situation, and the guitarist was just obviously tired of dealing with the drummer. They wanted to be under red light the whole set. The singer seemed like he would be nice, and the crowd got really big out of nowhere. The next band to play was Duster, who apparently hadn’t played in something like 18 years. But what a place to be put in! Right after the dynamic Kamikaze Palm tree just had, and before someone that was a dear loved long lost loved band of a large mass of people!

Duster- Upon reading their Spotify description it seems that they started up at the end of one categorization, and before the beginning of the next, so they were popularized in their later years because they were genre lost and recaptured. But wow I could feel their space influence at their show, definitely music to travel and/or cry to. I loved their transitions, their following was so happy to see them you could just feel it! Its contained and deep in a way where I cant quite place. Their songs have a range. Some are looking up into the stars, feeling your body shift into them as you realize how you are a part of each other (a song like topical solution), or being outside as a storm approaches and overtakes you so you get to the point of feeling the warmth in your blood moving separate from the coldness of your skin, and the process of getting where you need to be to be (Echo, Bravo). 

#music

[bobbystompy]

My Top 75 Songs Of 2019

Previously: 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

First time going below 100 songs since 2015, and I cannot wait. Giving this extra juice already.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track

Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs

This is usually the part where I put up a pump up video, but we are going with something a little different this year.

(It was stuck my head. Blame Blink-155.)

75) YG - “In The Dark”

The video begins with YG chugging a full tequila bottle -- sure. This song is very bad. It’s like he’s in a competition to make the verse lyrics worse than the chorus lyrics (spoiler alert: the verses “win”); not even satanic imagery can save this.

74) Solange - “Stay Flo”

Here’s a weird take: wouldn’t Solange’s career be way more fun if everyone slept on her? Instead, it’s hype on hype -- plus being Beyoncé’s sister -- which makes it nearly impossible to deliver. This has a fun beat/vibe but is kinda boring... and was still easily my favorite off her album.

73) Art Alexakis - “The Hot Water Test”

My doctors told me that I had a disease / I will slowly fall apart until there’s nothing left that looks like me

This song makes the stakes clear immediately. It was released a few months after I saw Art play in June 2019 on my birthday. At the intimate show, he revealed his multiple sclerosis diagnosis as if we were all his closest friends. Something like this is never easy to deal with -- a similar announcement by the Lucky Boys Confusion singer did not help matters -- but music can help such a painful situation, and it’s clearly Alexakis’ exile here.

72) The Cranberries - “In The End”

A very suitable sendoff for the band following the passing of singer Dolores O’Riordan. The recording story (via NPR):

O'Riordan died suddenly in January 2018 at 46 years old and left behind the vocal tracks to what was intended to be the band's latest album. Now, O'Riordan's bandmates have decided to complete that album, In The End — the last album the band will release — in her memory. 

[...]

In June 2017, O'Riordan and Hogan started emailing album ideas and demos back and forth to each other. O'Riordan had been very open about her struggles with mental health and addiction, which would affect the band at times, but they wanted to make a new album. Hogan says that when they were emailing those demos, she was in a good place. They started laying down her demos.

"All of that was kind of behind her," Hogan says. "She's kind of found a way to cope with the mental health thing. That's why she wanted to write so much. That's what she kept saying, 'I have so much to say, I just need the music to put it to.' "

Hogan says O'Riordan's apparent stability is what made her death even more tragic and devastating. (Officials ruled O'Riordan's cause of death to be accidental drowning due to alcohol intoxication.) But after a period of mourning, the remaining band members remembered they still had O'Riordan's demos. As Hogan remembers, they finally had the courage to start listening to them again in late February and, with her family's permission, started recording in April. "We spoke to her family and said, 'Look, how do you feel about us finishing the album?' And they were really supportive," Lawler says. "They were delighted, actually. They gave us their blessing."

Hogan says, in a sense, they were used to O'Riordan not being in the studio when they recorded — "Dolores hated hanging around the studio once we worked on our parts" — but, of course, this time was different.

71) Raleigh Ritchie - “Time In A Tree”

Exercise time. Play the first minute or so of this song without looking at any YouTube visuals.

/waits for you

OK, who are you picturing singing this? Got your image?

Well, whatever it was, you’re wrong -- it’s GREY WORM HIMSELF.

This was the best thing about “Game of Thrones” in 2019, sadly.

70) Culture Abuse - “Goo”

Simple, effective, gets out before you can dislike much.

69) Lil Pump f/ Lil Wayne - “Be Like Me”

Sometimes, a song starts, and you can just tell it’s going to be ignorant. Even before the vocals kick in. This was probably our moment here:

Between that and the beat, it’s like the only thing you can think is “Ohhhh, he’s about to say some horrible things about women.”

Other choice lines:

- “Yes, I’m hella ignorant, I don’t give a fuck” (he even says it in the song)

- “I take drugs like it’s Vitamin C / I’m a millionaire, but I don’t know how to read”

This song almost feels like it existed already.

68) The Get Up Kids - “Satellite”

Finally, our first rock song with some punch. This probably takes the crown from both DMB and P.O.D.

67) Bad Religion - “My Sanity”

BR is historically my favorite band, so it is rather deflating to see them so far back on this list. That said, it is Year 40 (!!!) of their existence, so some can be forgiven. Yet... we’ve never needed them more, you know? It’s this weird mixture of resentment but understanding.

66) Billy Liar - “The Righteous & The Rats”

Gonna see him (them?) open for The Bombpops in March; looks quite promising. Has an old school Brit punk feel.

65) Beach Slang - “AAA”

Beach Slang never lets you forget they love -- no, like, LOVE -- The Replacements. When this cover dropped, I googled “replacements AAA”, and, surprisingly, nothing came up.

Ohhh, what I fool I was. After more digging, I discovered a band called Grandpaboy who performed “AAA”.

“Oh, damn -- he finally went outside the box with this pick.”

No. Grandpaboy is fronted by Paul Westerberg. Singer of, you guessed it, The Replacements.

James Alex wears his heart on his sleeve so hard, he might as well give the heart a little jacket so his heart can wear its own heart on its sleeve.

HE DID THAT TOO?!

You can’t even make jokes about this band; they live in the jokes with their damn earnestness.

64) Gesaffelstein & The Weeknd - “Lost In The Fire”

Even lesser known Weeknd-involved tracks sound like they could lead a soundtrack or close out a festival. Are you familiar with this one at all? It has 87 million views on YouTube. Abel is never not not playing.

63) FIDLAR - “By Myself”

Started from the bottom and I’m still at the bottom

Falling apart never felt so carefree and burdenless.

62) Constant Elevation - “Fuck Runnin”

As hardcore punk as this list is gonna get. All glory to Vinnie Caruana. Though none of his solo tracks from 2019 made it, this has an undeniable energy and confidence. Plus probably the best song title of the year.

61) Maren Morris f/ Brandi Carlile - “Common”

A focused duet that drills into relationship dynamics before throwing a personal theology wrench in the middle of the chorus.

60) Anti-Flag - “Christian Nationalist”

AF going in on the white, religious right. This is like throwing a 50 mph pitch to -- /looks up good baseball players -- Pete Alonso.

59) Cokie The Clown - “Punk Rock Saved My Life”

This is less of a song and more of a confessional essay, and it gets harder and harder to look away with every revealing detail. If NOFX’s Fat Mike needed this character as a vehicle to get all of these autobiographical details off his chest, hopefully it’s a helpful therapy.

58) White Reaper - “Might Be Right”

“Judy French” is such an untoppable song, but “Might Be Right” has a similar dynamic.

57) Denzel Curry - “RICKY”

Denzel Curry as a rap moniker is such a slam dunk.

/looks up actual name

!!!

56) Ariana Grande - “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored”

It takes a special kind of hot girl twisted to issue this unflinching request while totally pulling it off.

55) Goody Grace f/ blink-182 - “Scumbag”

Not sure if Goody is a Soundcloud rapper, punk rocker, or some kinda emo hybrid of both.

A few asides:

- Have we ever -- ever -- heard Travis Barker this subdued on drums?

- On the Blink-155 podcast, Goody said he gave Tom from the Plain White T’s a songwriting credit because he unintentionally lifted some melodies from “Hey There Delilah”, but... I really don’t hear it at all; like, it sounds maybe in the same key but not much else?

54) Jonas Brothers - “Sucker”

Despite their popularity in the past, I do not think I could name a single JoBros song. That changed in 2019 with this poppy, light, clappy, Maroon 5-style single.

53) Goo Goo Dolls - “Money, Fame & Fortune”

Someone -- coulda sworn it was Brendan Kelly -- said this was Goo Goo Dolls sounding like Fake Problems, and that is spot on.

52) AJJ - “A Poem”

A poem is song that no one cares about

This short, folky tune led to one of my favorite Twitter exchanges of the year, when I reached out to a music journalist with a question and AJJ came flying off the top rope.

51) DaBaby - “Suge”

This song is fun, but I really don’t get it. Beat is cool, flow is fine... this is the new face of hip-hop? His name is DaBaby! What are we doing here?!

50) Laura Stevenson - “Jesus, Etc.”

Taking a classic and doing it full justice/adding some harmonies.

49) blink-182 - “Not Another Christmas Song”

Blink’s 2019 album “Nine” was very, very bad because it tried too hard and was not good. This song, released later in the year, takes an opposite approach and actually works. We get lyrics that are discontent, even clumsy at times -- the “I miss fucking in the rain” line is so out of place/cringe-y but actually feels real and not workshopped by 10 producers. The trio can hopefully use this better b-side to figure out the best songwriting should flow out of you without having to go through multiple stations on a conveyor belt first.

48) Dave Hause - “Eye Aye I”

This song has a lot I love (catchy chorus, wistful thoughts, hairline analyses) and a lot I don’t (genuine use of the word “old bores”, Van Halen getting respect), but one thing is clear: Dave Hause is in complete control.

47) Beck - “Up All Night”

I’ve casually followed Beck’s entire career and would not have guessed this was him if given 100 chances. As an exercise, I’m going to pull up the 2020 Coachella lineup and randomly point to an artist.

/pulls up lineup and points

I got Daniel Caesar. If you told me this was Daniel Caesar, that would probably make more sense here.

46) Shawn Mendes - “If I Can’t Have You”

Randomly came into Shawn Mendes tickets in 2019, and good gracious, that was something. Other than parents, we were the oldest people there by a lot. Getting to watch thousands of teens and preteens legitimately having the best moment of their lives was downright inspiring. When you’re that young, it’s not even hyperbole. Phones were flagrantly out; I’m talking 20+ minutes of straight video being filmed. I wanted to judge so badly, but if you gave me an iPhone at my first concert when I was 14, who the hell knows how egregious my behavior would’ve been. As fun as the whole experience was, I never wanted to be in a grimy punk club more. Sometimes, leaving your comfort zone makes you appreciate your home base more.

This is a rock solid pop song, but there are way too many you/you rhymes to not penalize it some.

45) Big Thief - “Cattails”

The whitest song you will ever hear that isn’t written by Vampire Weekend.

44) Bayside - “Prayers”

Bayside went super metal with their 2019 release “Interrobang” (such a sick name). So yes, the guitars are a touch harder than you might be used to, but the chorus soars; a great hook transcends genre.

43) Naughty Boy & Mike Posner - “Live Before I Die”

Few had as interesting of a year as Mike Posner. Following a breakup, the death of his father, and the death of Avicii, he decided to walk across the United States of America. He legit became Forrest Gump, right down to the beard and grown out hair.

In the video, you can see how a snakebite hospitalized him and almost derailed the whole trek. After a rehabilitation period where he almost lost his leg, our man finally makes it to the Pacific Ocean. If nothing else, watch for the ending -- it’s exhilarating.

42) Post Malone - “Wow.”

Post is flexing in this one; we’ve got slow motion jamming with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, international flights, a dancing beard guy, and a Fall Out Boy name check which really makes them sound cooler than they are now.

41) Bryce Vine f/ YG - “La La Land”

Sometimes, these summertime Cali songs write themselves. That is until YG comes in and flips over the board before you can finish the game. By the time the Coachella reference is dropped when Bryce comes back in, you realize 1:47 may have actually been a better endpoint for the song than its 2:47 length.

40) David Rokos - “Backseat Drives”

It’s winter in Chicago, again and until forever. If you haven’t been to the Jewel in the South Loop or Marshall Field’s before they changed it, just listen to this so you don’t actually have to.

39) Simple Creatures - “Drug”

Mark Hoppus and the dude from All Time Low give us this synth-pop bop that feels like the duo shooting their shot at a real mainstream pop hits. It didn’t quite get there, but they should feel OK about where it landed.

38) Chris Cresswell - “To The Wind”

My interest in The Flatliners ramped up considerably in 2019, as their near decade old record “Cavalcade” got plenty of spins (peep “Filthy Habits”; just stunningly incredible punk). Though they did not release anything this year, their singer put out “To The Wind”, a longing song about missing someone.

37) Kesha f/ Big Freedia - “Raising Hell”

Kesha, with the help of New Orleans’ Big Freedia, gives us another one. I’ve personally dug Kesha for a while now, but when is it time for us as a society to put her into the all-time conversation for pop artists? She has at least, like, seven HOF certifiable bangers. Plus she kills a guy in this music video.

In conclusion, I think this could translate to a country song very easily.

36) No Lenox - “Marquee”

Illinois/Japan’s No Lenox are back with Reuben Baird on the mixer and legendary masterer Collin Jordan (of The Boiler Room) on the, well, master, and the fullness in sound leads to the assault that is the “I saw your name on the marquee / Your friends were milling around outside” part. They only play it once, but I really could’ve gone for closer to five.

35) Red City Radio - “Love A Liar”

Rapid fire Red City Radio gets this one done in exactly 120 seconds.

34) Barely March - “Lead Single”

This sounds like Joyce Manor turned up to a 17 out of 10 before unexpectedly turning into a hellogoodbye song.

33) New Lenox - “Old Words”

Not a typo from two songs ago -- legitimately a different band. This one was written by your boy. The first 15 seconds were from a demo recorded 1/2/16 before developing the rest in 2019 (after some encouragement). We have Dave Rokos on guitar/bass, Dave Hernandez on hums, and Brian Bedford on some very temporary sleigh bells. Themes: online dating, resolutions, exes, currents, Black Wednesday, hope, and Carly Rae Jepsen stage banter.

32) MakeWar - “Sails”

Honey, I can’t make it on my own

You might get some Gaslight Anthem vibes as the vocals come in, but by the time the song ends, MakeWar leaves their own imprint on this impassioned ballad.

31) Sheryl Crow & Johnny Cash - “Redemption Day”

Was gonna say Johnny’s voice could move mountains before realizing no, Johnny’s voice is the mountains.

30) American Football f/ Hayley Williams - “Uncomfortably Numb”

Sensitivity deprived I can't feel a thing inside I blamed my father in my youth Now as a father, I blame the booze

An unlikely collaboration that makes you forget about its unlikeliness by the two minute mark. The two voices trade spots, mesh, harmonize, and weave throughout this beautiful song.

Asides:

- Blake from “Workaholics” in the video?!

- Choose to interpret this song’s title as a Pink Floyd diss

- “I’ll make new friends in the ambulance” should be a 2005-level emo lyric that we all mock, yet it’s somehow one of the most stunningly appropriate closers of the entire year

- I wish my friend Luke was with us to hear it

29) Stuck Out Here - “Embarrass You”

Stuck Out Here got onto my radar with 2014′s amazingly named “Getting Used To Feeling Like Shit”. Five years later, they’re back -- and not feeling much better. The Toronto quartet’s Bandcamp describes the song like this:

They’re fucking up, but unlike previous releases, they’re finally holding themselves accountable. 

You can even kinda hear their Canadian accents in the “I’m sorry I embarrass you...” part.

28) The Weeknd - “Heartless”

The Weeknd will be on these lists as long as he continues to make music even 1/8th as good as this.

27) The Chainsmokers f/ blink-182 - “P.S. I Hope You’re Happy”

A simple song that’s a touch more clever than you first realize. The Chainsmokers guy is giving me some real Owl City vibes. Also, how airtight of an apology is the line “I blame myself for when I was someone else”. It’s like the modern way of saying “When I was a child, I spoke like a child”. 

Also also, the “I will find a way somehow...” harmony in the pre-chorus is as pretty as music got in 2019. The Chainsmokers are so sonically pleasing, whether you end up liking the music or not.

26) Vampire Weekend - “Harmony Hall”

ooooooooh, that crisp guitar in the intro

25) Alex Lahey - “Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself”

If Carly Rae Jepsen can get a sword, why can’t Alex Lahey get a god damn saxophone? HIT ME.

That solo, combined with the “Mighty Ducks” reference in the chorus, make this song untouchable.

24) Lizzo - “Truth Hurts”

Let’s be clear: this did drop in 2017 but was technically re-released in 2019, so it does qualify for our list despite the criteria threatening timeline. Anyway.

The walking piano part, the iconic intro line (with a lawsuit!), the Minnesota Vikings reference (causing a Green Bay radio edit), and all of the damn positivity. Lizzo was among music’s big winners this year, and her success made you wonder how the hell someone this talented was slept on for those two years.

Let’s end with the purse.

23) An Horse - “Ship Of Fools”

Awkward band name, but a song that makes you pay attention. Kinda like Tegan and Sara, had they stayed more rock. So much urgency in the vocals and lyrics.

22) Charli XCX f/ Lizzo - “Blame It On Your Love”

Trippy vid; Charli continues to give us anthems. Wasn’t super high on the Lizzo cameo, but it somehow made more sense in the context of said video.

21) Sincere Engineer - “Dragged Across The Finish Line”

Sincere Engineer is back -- you can tell from the second those guitar leads get goin’. Drums from 1:19 to 1:36 = /heart eyes emoji. My buddy Cox said his next tattoo very well could be the outro lyric “Too dumb to succeed, too honest to cheat”.

(Bonus fact: they did a beer collaboration/show with Pollyanna Brewing Company in 2019.)

20) Lil Nas X - “Old Town Road”

Was unwilling to listen when this first dropped solely because of how horrible Lil Nas X’s name is (”What if a rapper came out named ‘Lil Jay-Z X’?!”)... what a foolish notion. One billion streams and a Billy Cyrus cameo later, I wouldn’t have been able to miss out on the Song of the Summer (and year) if I tried. More notes:

- Picked this because I had to, but “Panini” is legit good (200+ million streams)

- Went with the original (sorry, Billy), which is a beautiful 1:53 long (brevity, brevity, brevity)

- Did you know: Lil Nas X uses a Nine Inch Nails sample on the beat? This Rolling Stone interview with Trent Reznor is super interesting

Reznor calls “Old Town Road” “undeniably hooky,” but once it exploded, he took a back seat to the phenomenon. “The reason I haven’t stepped in to comment anything about it is, I don’t feel it’s my place to play any kind of social critic to that,” he says. “It was a material that was used in a significant way and it turned into something that became something else, and those guys should be the ones the spotlight is on…. They asked if I wanted to do a cameo in the video, and it was flattering, and I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to shine a light on me for that. I say that with complete respect.”

Still, Reznor is amazed at how the song became a juggernaut. “Having been listed on the credits of the all-time, Number One whatever-the-fuck-it-is wasn’t something…I didn’t see that one coming,” he says. “But the world is full of weird things that happen like that. It’s flattering. But I don’t feel it’s for me to step in there and pat myself on the back for that.”

19) Gryffin & Carly Rae Jepsen - “OMG”

What doesn’t this little bop have? It’s kinda Chainsmoker-y and tingles like cool breath hitting the back of your neck.

18) Craig Finn - “Blankets”

You travel your whole life just to get out to the place you’re gonna die

I love everything about this song: the artwork, the intro, the climax, the command Craig Finn has from start to finish -- with such a payoff. Now several albums in, the greatest compliment we can give is that his solo stuff now feels more essential than Hold Steady releases*. You can even hear it in this line: “When we got to the Twin Cities / I said ‘Man, I know some songs about this place’”. Another life.

17) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Now That I Found You”

Carly always keeps us in the sky; picking one song was difficult because the album is even more fulfilling as you get to put the pieces together.

16) Billie Eilish - “Bad Guy”

Different genres*, but Billie Eilish lived up to her hype in the exact same way Lana Del Rey did in the earlier part of the decade. Lana said she was the gangster Nancy Sinatra and totally fucking was. Billie feels like something potentially even bigger. Nearly everything about her aura lets you project (or even second guess, if you’re a skeptic). Is she dead-eyed because she’s high or disaffected? Or just Aubrey Plaza? Is it her or her brother that’s pulling the strings? How can someone so young be so good already? In the skinny fashion era of All Achilles Everything, how is she rocking such loose fits?

“I never want the world to know everything about me. I mean that’s why I wear big baggy clothes,” she said. “Nobody can have an opinion because they haven’t seen what’s underneath.”

“Nobody can be like ‘Oh, she’s slim-thick, she’s not slim-thick, she’s got a flat ass, she’s got a fat ass,’” she continued. “No one can say any of that because they don’t know.”

It almost seems too easy, but how much sense does that make to you?

Great jokes aside, I have so much anticipation for what’s next, with assured belief in its potential. Pitchfork: 

In 10 years, she will still be well under 30. Let’s hope the planet survives that long.

Yes.

(* - though not totally)

15) Ben Gibbard - “Filler”

Before you check Gibbard’s, please listen to the original by Minor Threat. That’s what he had to work with. From there, a total transformation while doing the near impossible -- keeping its beating heart.

14) Martha - “Wrestlemania VIII”

Third favorite song title of the year/favorite music video of the year. This is energetic, bratty punk at its finest; also surprised to find out it was British, but, based on the upcoming tour dates and YouTube description...

This is a silly & frankly quite rubbish video but when you are a band trapped within surveillance capitalism's endless hunger for content trying to promote a tour sometimes things will be a silly & frankly quite rubbish. 

I love them. Seriously didn’t even notice the accents in the singing until I knew to look for them; now, it’s all I can hear. Also, the part in the video where they finally show someone with an instrument, only he stops playing guitar halfway into the solo (/crying emoji).

THEY SAY ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDA

13) Chance The Rapper f/ Ben Gibbard - “Do You Remember”

Chance The Rapper dropped a one hour and 17 minute album in 2019 because he is a monster. I could not name three songs on it, but this one stood out big. It’s Chano doing what he does best: reminiscing and evoking summer in his city. Gibbard on the hook gives it that 2005 nostalgia while also making you say “Damn, it’s been nearly 15 years since 2005?!”

Fav two lines:

1) “Used to have obsession with the ‘27 Club’ / Now I'm turning 27, wanna make it to the 2070 club / Put the 27's down, Lord, give me a clean lung / Took the ring up out the box, I know this ain't no brief love”

2) “That summer left a couple tan lines / I love my city, they let me cut the line on the Dan Ryan”

(If you know, you know.)

Two more asides:

- If you Google “death cab for cutie”, the next autofill from there is “do you remember”. Rough for the legacy.

- “My daughter on the swing like the 2017 Cubs” is a line that confused me, but here’s how Genius explained it:

Chance is talking about a memorable summer and the things that made him happy. This line continues that theme when he raps about his daughter happily on a swing and how that’s similar to the 2017 Cubs. The Chicago Cubs won the World Series in 2016; therefore, the 2017 season was one of celebration and relaxation as the pressure of the 108 year drought was over. 

12) Lana Del Rey - “The Greatest”

I miss Long Beach, and I miss you...

Listening to this song feels like watching the cement dry on a classic in real time. Lana Del Rey’s galactic “Norman Fucking Rockwell!” dominated lists at the end of 2019, and she -- to borrow her word -- fucking deserved it.

- The Beach Boys line is so god damn perfect

- The guitar solo (soooo sick)

- The breathy singing; the crooning; the notes that go up and then down until you’re surrounded by melody

- The perfection of this album name (minus the very iffy exclamation point) will have me comparing nearly any other all-time album title for probably the rest of our lives 

- Tried playing this album during my Monday night pickup basketball run, and it very much failed... but that’s about the only thing it couldn’t do

- I’m told the dude with her on the album cover is Jack Nicholson’s grandson (named Duke Nicholson, because of course)

11) Off With Their Heads - “No Love”

If you do not like punk rock, this will be unlistenable. If you do, what a treat! I love how dissatisfied and put off he sounds, and, while there are a few more lively songs remaining on the list, none in 2019 got fast-tracked to my workout/pump up playlist at this speed.

Factoring in the band’s van accident (occurred after the release of this song), the “There’s nothing I could say that’s ever gonna make it right” outro becomes hauntingly clairvoyant.

10) Drake f/ Rick Ross - “Money In The Grave”

We need to face facts: it was a down year for stadium hip-hop. Nowhere on this list do you see Jay, Em, Kendrick, or Kanye (rest in peace). This was my favorite rap song of the year, and it couldn’t even crack the Top 5. Similar to his beloved Raptors -- who are being celebrated here -- it’s almost as if Drake needed some injuries outside his own locker room to get the crown. But I’m done being bummed, let’s focus on the good:

- Ohhhh, the intro (”I mean where. the fuck. should I. really even start?”)

- The way he says “grave” in the hook like he can barely contain 

- The hook itself -- read it out loud: “When I die, put my money in the grave”

- How cool Ross sounds when he breaks in

- The Zion reference

The bad:

- Rarely take this angle, but really wouldn’t mind if it were longer

- Misogyny

9) PUP - “Bloody Mary, Kate And Ashley”

Second favorite song title of the year, 6/8 time signature, satanic references, drugs, hallucinations (maybe), and, yes, the Olsen twins.

8) Better Oblivion Community Center - “Sleepwalkin’”

“It’s impossible to count...”

The intro, as the tempo gets jarringly slower and slower, ironically helps you acclimate quicker. This Phoebe Bridgers/Conor Oberst collab was my No. 1 played track of 2019 (the album coming out in January definitely helped). The song builds to Phoebe’s solo part:

You like beer and chocolate I like setting off those bottle rockets We can never compromise But fighting 'til the death keeps us alive

It’s sung so well, you can almost feel the heat of the spotlight on her through the stereo. The lyrics could be anything.

The chill guitar solo takes us out.

7) AM Taxi - “Saint Jane”

Adam Krier is such a rockstar, he had me shouting “I’m no hero, at best a zero!” within my fifth listen -- and I was skeptical as hell when I first heard the line. But that’s about where it stopped. You can tell this song is going to rip even before the vocals come in. When they do (”These fears don’t die, you get older and they multiply”), it’s just fucking time to go.

6) Taylor Swift - “Paper Rings”

My favorite pop song of 2019. Tay is firing on all cylinders; every lyric is exactly where it’s supposed to be; boppy and fun and sincere (while still being light-hearted). Still holding out minor hope it will be a single in 2020.

5) Pkew Pkew Pkew - “The Polynesian”

I’ve always said the best songs make you want to live the lyrics, whether they are positive or negative. This one had me researching “polynesian wisconsin” faster than I’m comfortable disclosing. And yes “bed bugs” and “needles” were both in the Top 7 recommended searches after those first two words.

Pkew Pkew Pkew collaborated with Craig Finn on some of their lyrics on 2019′s “Optimal Lifestyles”, and I’d be blown away if he doesn’t have fingerprints on this one -- the storytelling is pristine. Go into this open-minded, and I’d be shocked if you weren’t shouting the “Goatees, tall cans, camo pants, and Packers fans” mantra by the end.

Bonus story: this St. Patrick’s day in Chicago, I asked my friend Sara (Wisconsin native) if she’d ever stayed there, and she held up her elbow and showed me a scar from the hotel’s water slide. Your boy was over the moon.

4) Spanish Love Songs - “Losers”

It gets harder, doesn’t it?

Dylan Slocum has a way of not just writing depressing songs -- many lyricists are good at that -- but specifically depressing songs. This song contemplates death, homelessness, squandering your limited time on the planet, credit card debt, leeching off your parents because you have no other choice, crippling illness, and completely giving up because there genuinely is no other choice. The last lines are, without any hint of winking, “We’re mediocre. We’re losers. Forever.”

It’s wonderful.

Two straight Top 4 finishes for SLS; their 2020 album should be something special.

3) oso oso - “the view”

If Jade Lilitri is making personal progress in “microscopic strides”, you wouldn’t be able to tell by his songwriting. Every tune has a way of warming up your entire body and being. This grabs you, whether it’s the laid back guitar or the mismatched quick drums or the big ass chorus. While it came down to this one or “basking in the glow” (an actual single), the bridge here puts us over the top:

But not as much as the phone ringing Not as much playing my house Not as much as the way her goddamn voice sounds It's like taking in sun And then taking it back I fall into old habits I'm stepping over your cracks again

Her voice? This song.

2) The Menzingers - “Strangers Forever”

This song makes me want to rip up walls, sprint through streets with no destination, shred my lungs screaming off rooftops, bash hands drumming the steering wheel until my sprained fingers beg me to stop. It is such a perfect encapsulation of my favorite band of the decade and possibly of all-time.

Scranton’s sons gave me everything and more from 2010 through 2019, so it’s fitting they end so high here. This is probably the most clownable sentence of them all, but I am so constantly thankful I am alive to experience Greg Barnett’s songwriting. What he creates, I can only compare to the best books or movies or athletes or even personal relationships.

The way the guitar alternates in the headphones to start, the drums that go big and push the song along, the reverb vox that certainly could have less reverb, the “it is what it is”-style lyric of “My miserable memory’s making me more miserable”, the oceanic imagery, the quiet bridge that explodes into a final chorus. Barnett said the overall theme was inspired by Leo Tolstoy’s “Anna Karenina”.

In it, the character Darya Alexandrovna learns of her husbands infidelity and declares: “Even if we remain in the same house, we are strangers — strangers forever!” The idea of becoming a stranger to someone you so intimately know stuck with me, and became the overarching narrative to this song. Dolly’s statement is definitive, but she also realizes the trappings of 19th century patriarchal Russian society. It’s a complex conundrum, and while lyrically I speak in the first person, this song exists in a world outside of my own personal experiences. I wanted to write about the finality of relationships that need to end this way. Strangers Forever. 

My only gripe is I wish there were more. But I’m the same person who never wants them to stop.

1) Signals Midwest f/ Sincere Engineer - “Your New Old Apartment”

Only one song could make me fear missing the chance to be with the love of my life the same year I married her. As discussed in “The Polynesian”, the best songs have the consistent ability to put you in someone else’s shoes. You are either reliving something you personally experienced or maybe taking it all in for the first time. And that can be powerful -- especially dealing with anything big picture.

“Your New Old Apartment” launches me into 2009 without ever asking. Age: 23. My life was transient, I had no career, I didn’t even believe in marriage. I left my retail job in the Chicago suburbs for an unpaid newspaper internship in New Jersey. When I saw the people I loved, I always tried to make it count. Still do.

The descriptors and feeling are suffocating, right from the jump:

I only saw you a couple times last year Once at a wedding, once at a funeral I wore the same clothes to both, and I was worried you would notice ‘cause yours were impeccable

That’s me, then. Not knowing how to dress but hoping to get by anyway. I remember talking to my buddy P before buying my “work clothes” and learning you needed to match your shoes with your belt. Boyish adulthood.

The song continues, and the narrator is filled in on 5-year plans. It may be cliche to speak, but every current moment is simultaneously your youngest and oldest. Being in my early 30s now, it is so easy to scoff at anyone’s best laid plans, but I’m also the same cat who thought The Wonder Years’ “Jesus Christ, I’m 26 / All the people I graduated with / All have kids, all have wives, all have people who care if they come home at night” was life-defining, because I was the same age when that dropped, and it always hits the hardest when it’s all around you.

What I love about these lyrics are the careful observation mixed with mature-behind-his-years restraint. For a very long time in my life, I did not think I would get to be with my wife as anything more than a friend. When you are forced to come to terms with those potential realities, you must make concessions and convince yourself they’re OK. So when it’s revealed the narrator’s muse is married, he resigns himself to hopefully seeing the person more and at least being adjacent to the life they are living. It is tragic but still something. It is alternate hope in the hopeless.

I can picture myself listening to this song that wasn’t yet written while leaving a 2009 or 2010 or 2013 wedding and wishing I told her everything. But I wouldn’t have -- not then. I would have poured my heart out into a diary and quoted a line or three from this at the bottom. But that was then, this is now. 

In 2019, her new old apartment will be my new old apartment, and that will never be lost on me.

* * *

Bonus coverage. Since we are at the end of the decade, I rounded up our No. 1 song from each year and have that below:

2010: The Menzingers - “Time Tables” 2011: Jay-Z & Kanye West - “Gotta Have It” 2012: Carly Rae Jepsen - “Call Me Maybe” 2013: Kanye West - “On Sight” 2014: The Menzingers - “Where Your Heartache Exists” 2015: Big Sean f/ Kanye West - “All Your Fault” 2016: The Menzingers - “Lookers” 2017: The Menzingers - “After The Party” 2018: Horror Squad - “I Smoke The Blood” 2019: Signals Midwest f/ Sincere Engineer - “Your New Old Apartment”

* * *

It’s time to stop writing. Thank you so much for reading.

Spotify playlist is here, featuring 70 of the 75.

#taylor swift #oso oso #pkew pkew pkew #the menzingers #2019 #2020 #pup #drake #rick ross #chance the rapper #lana del rey #craig finn #carly rae jepsen #sincere engineer #lizzo #alex lahey #vampire weekend #the chainsmokers #blink-182 #the weeknd #kesha #post malone #bayside #dababy #jonas brothers #ariane grande #music #lists #denzel curry #maren morris

[disappearingground]

Jenny Lewis Starts Over

Rolling Stone March 5, 2019

After saying goodbye to her mother and a 12-year relationship, an indie-rock icon finds a new clarity in art and life

By Jonah Weiner

There are 19 white stickers arranged across Jenny Lewis’ fridge. Each one carries a stamped date, the logo of Providence Holy Cross Medical Center, the word VISITOR and, in Lewis’ handwriting, a different beguiling little phrase: I taught him how to 2-step; Rosey posey put your snake finger on; You are a sunshine in a fruit. “Every day that I visited my mom in the hospital,” Lewis says, “I’d get one of these and write down something she’d say to me. She got more and more psychedelic as we kept upping the meds, and she’d say the most amazing things.” Lewis points at one — Glue me to the ceiling so you never leave — and sighs. “She had liver cancer. From untreated hepatitis C. She was a lifelong heroin addict and also mentally ill and . . . just a really sad situation.”

It’s a drizzly evening in early January, and Lewis is at her home in Los Angeles, drinking gamay wine and discussing things she’s never discussed publicly before. Some listeners over the years may have noticed scattered allusions in her songs to her mother’s troubles and the painful outlines of their relationship. In 2002, on an early album by her first band, Rilo Kiley, she described a mother who was “insane and high.” In 2006, on her debut solo album, Rabbit Fur Coat, she sang, “Where my ma is now, I don’t know/She was living in her car, I was living on the road/And I hear she’s putting that stuff up her nose.” But Lewis has always been careful to let these lyrics speak mostly for themselves. When people ask about them, she’s frequently emphasized that the line between memoir and fiction in her songwriting is a slippery one. “Sometimes I don’t even remember what actually happened,” she says now, “and the song takes on its own life.”

On Lewis’ new record, On the Line, her mother appears again. This time she is in a hospital bed “under a cold white sheet,” and there’s no fiction at work. The earliest sticker on the fridge is dated August 20th, 2017, and by the end of October, at age 70, Linda Lewis was dead.

“We were estranged for 20 years, so this was the first time we’d hung out in two decades,” the 43-year-old singer-songwriter continues. “She was very sick, but I think she held on so we could have time to reconcile, and it created an opportunity for forgiveness. She didn’t have to say, ‘I’m so sorry’ —she said it by saying, ‘You’re a sunshine in a fruit.’ That was her way of saying ‘I love you.’ ”

Lewis started out as a kid actor, appearing on Eighties-era sitcoms like Life With Lucy, opposite Lucille Ball, and in movies like Troop Beverly Hills and The Wizard, opposite Fred Savage. By her twenties she’d all but quit acting and become a burgeoning indie-rock icon instead, known for her clarion voice, her killer ear for melody and her knack for evocative storytelling in a tweaked Americana style. Whereas Lewis’ last musical project, an ad hoc collaboration from 2016 called Nice as Fuck, was stripped down and upbeat, On the Line contains the most lush and melancholy music she’s ever made. The album has a grand rock sound — stately pianos, swelling strings, fuzzy electric guitar. Lewis cut its 11 songs at the venerable Capitol Studios in L.A. over just a few days last year, but she began writing them in this house in 2014, not long before her 12-year relationship with the Scottish-American musician Johnathan Rice deteriorated. She finished writing them after her bedside reconciliation with her mom.

Lewis gives the fridge a final look before turning out of the kitchen. “I wonder how long I’ll leave these up here,” she says.

Addiction, sobriety and self‑medication are running themes throughout On the Line. There are references to red wine, weed, grenadine, heroin, bourbon, Paxil, Marlboros, cognac, Candy Crush and, on the song “Party Clown,” a hallucinogenic Fuji apple. “Somehow I think the worst one of them all is Candy Crush,” Lewis says with a grin. “My mom started taking heroin when I was two or three, probably. So, growing up like that, there’s a realization that nothing is for free, and everything catches up with you — if you try to numb out, eventually you’re gonna have to face whatever it is you’re running away from.” She pauses. “I don’t have any judgment about it. Even with my mom: She did whatever she had to do, and she wasn’t able to kick it. Most people don’t make it out of heroin addiction. I don’t really blame her for it.”

Wine in hand, wearing a satiny cowgirl shirt and a bandanna tied around her neck that’s nearly the same shade of red as her hair, Lewis shows me around the house. Situated near leafy Laurel Canyon, it was built by a Disney animator in the Forties, and his touch is everywhere — delicate, hand-painted flowers on a wall here, trompe l’oeil flagstones on the floor there. In the living room a projector is playing the X-rated 1968 film The Girl on a Motorcycle, which stars Marianne Faithfull and is alternatively titled Naked Under Leather. Lewis has been on a leather kick recently, she says, showing me a photo-heavy 1977 book called Hard Corps: Studies in Leather and Sadomasochism that she recently scored on eBay. “I keep my whips and chains out in the pool house,” she says with a cackle.

Off the living room is the wood-paneled chamber where Lewis rehearses and writes. There’s a drum kit, a Wurlitzer organ and a little gas stove in the corner. Outside, near the pool, there’s a koi pond and a rose garden, all of it put in by the animator. Down the hall, there’s a roller-derby-themed pinball machine from around 1990 that periodically flashes the words WINNERS DON’T DO DRUGS in LED lights. Opposite the pinball is an enormous old promotional cutout for The Wizard, depicting Savage as an adolescent wearing a Nintendo Power Glove and an adolescent Lewis in acid-washed denim overalls. “This was at the movie theater in Van Nuys where I grew up — my mom made me go in and ask for it,” Lewis says. “My sister had it in storage, then had it framed for me and rented a truck to bring it over here. I wasn’t OK with this for many years, because early on in the history of my band, people would yell video-game references at me from the crowd. Now I just can’t believe that this is part of my weird story.”

She says she loved being on Hollywood sets as a kid, for complicated reasons. “I guess I liked being in that environment because it wasn’t home — it was this pretend-family vibe. My dad wasn’t around, so every time I got a job I kind of fell in love with ‘my father’ on set. I would just want that relationship.” (Her real-life dad, a musician named Eddie Gordon, was absent for most of her life, though he came back into Lewis’ orbit shortly before his own death, playing harmonica on her second solo album, 2008’s Acid Tongue.) Lewis’ off-set life in that era was consistently chaotic: “I think my mother was selling coke in the early Eighties,” she says. “She may have been Ricky Nelson’s dealer. And she was using the money I was making and parlaying it into her business. I’d come home from school and there’d be racks of fur coats, Krugerrands, boxes of Vuarnet sunglasses. All these bulk items in the house, drugs cooking on the stove, people coming in and out. Really interesting characters. I remember we had a Honda Civic, and one day it disappeared. Years later, I learned that someone had torched it as a warning to my mom. There was crazy shit going on.”

Lewis says that her elder sister, Leslie, became something like a proxy mother to her in their actual mother’s stead, and when Jenny co-founded Rilo Kiley with some L.A. buddies in the late Nineties, “that was my first chosen family.” Over the years she’d host jam sessions at home, inviting over members of like-minded acts such as Haim, Dawes and Conor Oberst, here and elsewhere in L.A. “I’ve always brought that jam vibe with me wherever I go,” Lewis says. “I feel compelled to play music, to play with people, or I’ll go crazy.”

In 2015, having split up with Rice for reasons we don’t get into, Lewis went to New York, crashing at the empty apartment of her friend Annie Clark, a.k.a. St. Vincent. “I couldn’t stay in this house,” Lewis says. “Johnathan and I were basically married. When you’re with someone that long, you share consciousness with them. I didn’t finish any of my stories — Johnathan finished every story for me. So part of the reason I went to New York was to find my inner monologue. I wanted to know what that voice was.”

The result, some three years later, is On the Line. Lewis made it with a particularly impressive surrogate family whose members included not only Beck and Ryan Adams, with whom she’d worked before, but also an older generation of studio pros: Rolling Stones producer Don Was, Heartbreakers keyboardist Benmont Tench, session drummer Jim Keltner (sideman for John Lennon, Bob Dylan and Steely Dan) and — to her delight and surprise — Ringo Starr. “He was cool — he just showed up one day with a smoothie and did double-drums with Jim on two songs,” Lewis says, adding that she’s not totally sure why the former Beatle came aboard. “I think Don Was showed him some of the songs, invited him to come down, and he was into it.”

[Editors’ note: This story went to press before the February 13th publication of a New York Times report on accusations of sexual misconduct by Ryan Adams. In a February 15th tweet, Lewis made the following statement: “I am deeply troubled by Ryan Adams’ alleged behavior. Although he and I had a working professional relationship, I stand in solidarity with the women who have come forward.”]

A decade-plus into her solo career, Lewis found herself trying new things in the studio. Keeping things spontaneous was a priority: She recorded all her vocal tracks live while playing her instruments, rather than tracking them in later. When Beck inserted a bit of placeholder Auto-Tune on a song called “Little White Dove,” Lewis decided she loved it and kept it in unchanged. (It reminded her of the Detroit rapper DeJ Loaf, whose single “Try Me” Lewis adores.) When it came to mixing, she says she took inspiration from Kanye West’s Ye — clearing out the midrange, focusing on the low end and the highs.

She sits on an oversize armchair in her living room and looks around the house. These days she splits time between L.A. and Nashville, where she jams with a whole other group of friends, including Karen Elson. Three years since her breakup, Lewis says, “I know how to take care of myself. It’s been really lonely, and really hard at times, and to go through the stuff with my mom alone—”

She starts to cry, untying her neckerchief and using it to blot her tears. “This is why I wear a bandanna,” she jokes. “But that’s the thing: I had to visit her, then come home and be alone and process my life with her.”

On the wall in front of her, Marianne Faithfull is making love to Alain Delon, but Lewis isn’t paying attention. “Life is crazy, but it’s incredible,” she goes on. “How amazing to see someone pass over. It’s magical. It’s the most intimate. It’s like a poem, and you don’t know the last line until you get there. But you show up.”

#publication: rolling stone #album: on the line #year: 2019 #mention: mother #mention: hospital #mention: drug addiction #mention: mother's death #mention: songwriting #song: little white dove #song: party clown #mention: child acting #person: johnathan rice #mention: father #mention: new york #mention: st vincent #mention: breakup #person: ringo #person: sister #mention: home

[serendipity-y]

part two of the ask!!!

@xoauroraaxo 65 asks: 1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? i don't understand the question 2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? like 4 3. The person you would never want to meet? i don't know, probably paul ryan bc his face annoys the shit out of me and i just want to punch him 4. What is your favorite word? fuck, probably 'petrichor' 5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? weeping willow 6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? either 'you need to sleep' or 'you need to dye your hair again' 7. What shirt are you wearing? a black tank top 8. What do you label yourself as? ?? gay as fuck?? 9. Bright room or dark room? dark room 10. What were you doing at midnight last night? probably talking to aurora and watching supernatural 11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? i think,, six?? idk why?? maybe because i was living with my mom and step dad again and everything was happy 12. Who told you they loved you last? my mom :) 13. Your worst enemy? any bigoted piece of garbage 14. What is your current desktop picture? it's a picture i got off of Rookie Mag 15. Do you like someone? yes bitch i do 16. The last song you listened to? Never Be by 5 Seconds of Summer 17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? this is so hard!!! probably pence bc trump will die soon anyway 18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? paul fuckin ryan 19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? my sister rory, and she'd have to go an entire day without arguing with me 20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) idk nothing?? i guess my eyes/ my lips 21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? i don't know, i'm skipping this one 22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? i can figure out what any crystal is (if you give me like 10 minutes and the crystal) 23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? being drowned by a clown spider (that's a real fucjin thing) 24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. idk,, anything?? 25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? donate it!!! 26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? france (you can also come) 27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? (Castiel is that you?) i have no clue,, i'd like to stay away from it. 28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no bigots 29. What is your favorite expletive? does idget count?? bc ever since i heard bobby use it i think it's hilarious 30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? (besides my phone??) probably my camera 31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? ummm,, that one time when my cousin did this thing to me that i'm still not over 32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! australia 33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? okay so, if this was two people i would bring back my twin cousins who died from cancer (i never met them?? but i know my aunt would love to have them back). but since it's only one i'll say my dog brownie 34. What was your last dream about? idk i don't remember my dreams 35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? [singing] people say i am, but i don't think so 36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? no 37. Have you ever built a snowman? yes 38. What is the color of your socks? i'm not wearing any 39. What type of music do you like? p much everything 40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunsets 41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? chocolate peanut butter 42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) i don't watch sports lmao 43. Do you have any scars? yeah 44. What do you want to be when you graduate? a writer/ anything enjoyable that has to do with art (i think that's what the question is asking) 45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? fuck, i'd change more than i should (any hh fans ;;)) ??) but i think i'd change my teeth??? 46. Are you reliable? i'd like to say so 47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? DOES THE WORLD TRY TO KILL YOU?? 48. Do you hold grudges? depends how big the issue is 49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? if create a pig- pug hybrid 50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? one time in a group chat it was like 1am and i kept saying "mary jew ana" and i wanted to fucking die 51. Are you a good liar? it depends who i'm lying to and what i'm lying about 52. How long could you go without talking? not long, because i like yelling at my computer when dean is being ridiculous 53. What has been you worst haircut/style? when i got bangs 54. Have you ever baked your own cake? probably lmao 55. Can you do any accents other than your own? no 56. What do you like on your toast? butter 57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? it was a sigils that i put in one of my paintings 58. What would be you dream car? i don't really like cars but,, a '67 impala just because of spn 59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i sing in the shower?? and it's really bad?? 60. Do you believe in aliens? yes 61. Do you often read your horoscope? not really 62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? i like u 63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? dragons 64. What do you think about babies? they're cute most of the time 65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. "what is your favorite lipstick?" i have teddy bear by melanie + lime crime and i love it

#ask #xoauroraaxo #it wouldn't all fit in crying

[robbiereadshomestuck]

Part One - Act One, Part One

The first time I read this the format confused the heck out of me.

Classic.

His eyebrows look weird and I never noticed that.

It does that thing like in video games where RELEVANT WORDS are in ALL CAPS. I like to imagine a narrorator talking normally but then begins to scream when they reach those words.

Are the fake arms just a meme or something? Like is it a joke about art style or what?

HAH "Sassacre". Like sass + massacre. Good jokes.

"You still aren't totally sure what that means." Correct!

"Copasetic" (adjective), Slang: fine; completely satisfactory; OK.

It links to a merchandise store right at the start of the story! Now that's capitalism at its finest!

Doesn't his dad not have a face or something? I think I remember him not having a face.

"The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful" This probably indicates the next thing he does will be exceptionally meaningful, but relative to the story so far I do not have high expectations.

HA

You wouldn't have guessed webcomics came with tutorials.

Is SBURB is SUBURB but without u :(

AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. ~ATH // FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. ^CAKE // pff. ^CAKE

Someone made a real version of this I remember using it with a friend of mine who attempted to rope me into homestuck. Clearly they did not succeed >:^D

"Don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle?" made me chuckle

"In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle" is an odd simile to make.

Weirdbrows

"Sometimes you feel like you are trapped in this room. Stuck, if you will" ROLL CREDITS

"It could kill a cat if you dropped it" Foreshadowing or curiosity killed the cat meme?

Aren't they the ones everyone wants to be gay? Like I'm sure there's plenty of those but I mean "EB: yes, it is understandable because you are really attractive". Also do their Pesterchum names signify anything? Like their inner selves or something? Idk

His bedsheets have fish on them? Or tadpoles maybe? Or ghosts?

These all have meaning probably.

"EB: yeah, that's fine i guess. i can't imagine it's going to be all that relevant." I am pretty confident it will end up being relevant.

"Why the 'Game of the Year' or whatever isn't as good as some other stuff I like that's better."

Really lm'd my ao's

have you ever tried a disguise??

Michael Cera

Is this why people have yelled "the Batter With"? Also I like this house.

"In a home, a FIREPLACE needs a fire, because that's what FIREPLACE is for. A fire BELONGS in a FIREPLACE, dammit"

Has the box been mentioned yet? There's a clown in there if I remember correctly.

WHY

The clown has no arms as well.

???

Why are these kids not in school? April 13th 2009 was a Monday. Also tentacleTherapists (I think her name's Rose? Or was that the other one?) capitalises her sentences differently than John.

The clown has arms now.

Is the piano important?

"A father without a pipe is like a strapping roughneck without a toothpick. That is to say, HE IS A RATHER PISS-POOR EXCUSE FOR A ROUGHNECK IF YOU ASK ME." This format has been used twice now

[S] John: Play haunting piano refrain.

Oh! Also would his father not hear?

Okay perhaphs I was foolish for believing this actually took place in 2009. Clearly this takes place in the 90s. My apologies.

[S] ==>

"The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack" The game (amusement) is not meant to give but to take away. John (continually referred to in the second-person to draw a connection between him and the reader), counterintuitively seeks this amusement to feel an inner withdrawal, rather than a positive self-engagement. The "unseen riddler" is the intangible perpetrator of these events, and combining that with it and John's dual representation of the reader one may conclude that this line describes the reader, although the may not outwardly know it, pushing themselves to be characters (so to speak) in what is not a fun or light-hearded experience, but a lively experience. But idk lol

[S] John: Enter.

The Undertale guy did some music for Homestuck right?

Is this where that battle scene comes in?

[S] STRIFE!

Yes it is

But what do the smoke pellets m e a n

Oh man

That appears to be Harry Anderson

[S] John: Check Pesterchum.

"TG: the fact that theyre ironic makes them awesome // TG: and vice versa // TG: are you taking notes on how to be cool?? jesus get a fucking pen"

2meta2fast

3META3FAST

This stresses me out

[S] ==>

:0000

Postscript

Between pages 1901 and 2037, most of the story so far has just been set-up material. One line I focused on was on page 1982. The sentence goes, "The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack". I took this to mean the authour using both this "unseen riddler" and John's shared representation of the reader to describe the reader in the sense of them being subconcious self-perpetuators down this rabbit hole that does not enwarmthen, but suspends. An excellent framing for the story to come perhaps.

#robbie reads homestuck #homestuck liveblog #homestuck #liveblog

[chokemeseokjin]

for that ask thing... do em all... all 170... do it 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

OK LET’S DO THIS

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I wish I was like 5′6″ tbh i’m too tall2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) fucking dragon mate3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? I like kinda cute pastel shit but not really girly? does that even make sense?4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Nintendogs?5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My gf, bees and flowers6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Approach with caution, cries easily and afraid of loud noises7: What is your opinion on Mo being unfaithful to Jimin? Unsurprising and relatable (ily)8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] IDK9: Are you ticklish? incredibly pls don’t touch me10: Are you allergic to anything? I’m lactose intolerant so… yeah11: What’s your sexuality? bi bi bi12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? tea i am a brit after all13: Are you a cat or dog person? B O T H14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? vampire fam that’d be so cool15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? either Dan and Phil or Tomska, Dan and Phil are one in my head ok shut up16: How tall are you? 5′10″ :)))17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Evie bc that was what i was going to be called and I would prefer it,,,,18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] idk fam19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? kinda?20: Do you like space or the ocean more? S P A C E FAM THE STARS ARE JUST !!!!21: Are you religious? nah22: Pet peeves? When ppl walk really slowly in the middle of the fucking pavement23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? nocturnal24: Favorite constellation? gemini obviously where my hoes at25: Favorite star? Kim Seokjin26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? the fuck are they?27: Any phobias or fears? the dark n clowns28: Do you think global warming is real? yes???29: Do you believe in reincarnation? yeah i guess I do30: Favorite movie? Super 8! Pls watch it! support my kids!31: Do you get scared easily? yes like seriously easy32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 233: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] BEST BLOG EVER 10/10 WOULD LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AMEN34: What is a color that calms you? Pastel blue35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Japan and Hawaii! 36: Where were you born? hospital in my home town37: What is your eye color? very blue38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? I think they’re interesting but the ones in magazines n shit are bullcrap40: Hugs or kisses? hugs pls41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? my gf :(42: Who is someone you love deeply? ur mum43: Any piercings you want? more on my ears and maybe my nose44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? yes!!!!45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? i have yh46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! how to describe min yoongi,,,,47: What is a sound you really hate? metal being like dragged along something u know what i mean48: A sound you really love? kim seokjin when he gets lines :))))49: Can you do a backflip? no i’m not jungkook50: Can you do the splits? nearly lol51: Favorite actor and/or actress? I lov Andrew Garfield with all my heart 52: Favorite movie? u asked this already but I’ll chose another one soooooooo um Breakfast Club bc i am a white girl53: How are you feeling right now? sleepy54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? same colour it is now tbh55: When did you feel happiest? sleeping56: Something that calms you down? watching youtube videos specifically gaming ones idk why but it’s rlly calming57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] probably lmao58: What does your URL mean? i want. kim seokjin. to choke me. ok? are we clear? 59: What three words describe you the most? a fucking loser60: Do you believe in evolution? yeah61: What makes you unfollow a blog? posting rude/mean stuff or just if I don’t enjoy their content anymore, i don’t mean any harm or anything lol62: What makes you follow a blog? if it’s pretty/memes63: Favorite kind of person: nice people who’re funny and caring and actually give a shit about me and other ppl, not just themselves64: Favorite animal(s): meerkats, giraffes n bees65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @oh-no-its-mo​ @jinsasleep​ @taechy​66: Favorite emoticon: i’m on my laptop!!!! the sparkly heart!67: Favorite meme: um idk? the in tarnation one is p funny atm tho68: What is your MBTI personality type? fuck i can’t remember the rarest one i know that for sure69: What is your star sign? Gemini, come fight me70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? no jfc she wont even sit when i ask the hoe71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? denim mini skirt thing, tights n some cute top 72: Post a selfie or two? no73: Do you have platform shoes? i am tall enough74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I hate potatoes 75: Can you do a front flip? no jfc76: Do you like birds? yah77: Do you like to swim? I’m baically Rin tbh78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming i have no balance 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: donald trump80: Some thing you wish did exist: free traveling 81: Piercings you have? 5 in ma ears82: Something you really enjoy doing: writing and dying83: Favorite person to talk to: my gf84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? yo it was awful i was superwholock bullshit asshat i still hate myself for it i’ve been here too long85: How many followers do you have? 983!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? FUCKING HELL NO87: Do your socks always match? no88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? yes89: What are your birthstones? emerald 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? dragon91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? oh fam a fuckin scabious they’re the shit92: A store you hate? superdrug93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? i had 6 one day it was a mistake94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? flyyyyyyy95: Do you like to wear camo? yes sir96: Winter or summer? summer97: How long can you hold your breath for? i can swim a length of the pool underwater98: Least favorite person? donald trump99: Someone you look up to: is it cheesy to say namjoon?100: A store you love? the fat ass topshop on oxford street101: Favorite type of shoes? cute ballet flats102: Where do you live? LDN 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? bacon104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? i just thought of that fucking goat meme bye105: Do you drink milk? no i would die106: Do you like bugs? some107: Do you like spiders? small ones108: Something you get paranoid about? e v e r y t h i n g109: Can you draw: a little tho i’m sure others would disagree110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? idk fam i haven’t rlly been asked one111: A question you hate being asked? is ur hair naturally that colour112: Ever been bitten by a spider? no113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yah114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? sunny!115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: my gf jfc how many times have i answered with that 116: Favorite cloud type: penis shapes ones117: What color do you wish the sky was? pink118: Do you have freckles? yah 119: Favorite thing about a person: their laugh120: Fruits or vegetables? fruit121: Something you want to do right now: sleep tbh122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? sour? i dont rlly like sweet stuff much124: Bright or dim lights? in between aaaaaye125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? unicorns i read a book when i was little that convinced me126: Something you hate about Tumblr: drama and ppl caring too much about shit that dont matter127: Something you love about Tumblr: making friends and seeing ppls amazing art!128: What do you think about the least? what a weird question um idk slugs?129: What would you want written on your tombstone? fucking finally130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Saitama? to see how much it would hurt131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? my entire being132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? i dont smile at all if i can help it133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? sort of135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? motion yess not sure about sea136: Are your ears lobed or attached? attached137: Do you believe in karma? yes138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? a strong -4139: What nicknames do you have/have had? El, Ellz, Petra, Sharpay, bitch, hoe, shut up ellen140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? yeah141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? nope142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good most of the time143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? giving!!!!!!144: What makes you angry? rude people145: How many languages do you speak fluently? two146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? anyone who’ll have me tbh147: Are you androgynous? no148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my eyes?149: Favorite thing about your personality: i guess i’m kind idk150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. my gf (again), Jess and Ellie151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? dinosaurs, i would make them my children152: Do you like BuzzFeed? their snapchat thing always makes me laugh153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] through this god damn website thanks to pepekwan,  romance at it’s finest kids154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? yes155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? yes156: What embarrasses you? literally everything157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: again, literally everything158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i’m straight 159: How many people are you following? too many160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 46,715 JFC161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? none162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 1,758163: Last time you cried and why: i can’t actually remember 164: Do you have long or short hair? medium!!!!!!165: Longest your hair has ever been: nearly to my waist166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? never really affected me tbh, people can believe what they want to beleive as long as they’re not hurting anyone/ pressuring anyone to believe in it too167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? not really no168: Do you like to wear makeup? yeah u dont wanna see me without it169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no?????170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yes I have ur welcome Mo ily

i didnt check this so sorry if there are mistakes lol 

#this was kinda fun ngl #ask #mo