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hyuckie-angel · 10 months

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treasure reaction; college boyfriend

in which they love their partner and their studies (sometimes)

a/n; a lil suggestive in jihoon, yoshi, asahi and doyoung’s parts

최현석 • choi hyunsuk

the making music at 1am boyfriend

the raw talent your partner hyunsuk possesses is no joke

the way music seems to come from his fingertips

magically into the software

renders you speechless sometimes

‘come look at what i made :D’

he’ll never say it but all of his lyric inspiration is you

he’s never failed a project and he knows its because he’s got you there to write about :’)

but anyway

despite adoring his creativity, sometimes he really just has no clue

like there’s a road in his brain but its one way and the lines are fading

if you get what i mean

it’s really late

the world is silent

you are drifting off into dreams

when out of nowhere you hear a really loud Dm chord blasting through the stereo

‘hyunsukkkkkkkk’

‘yeah? :0′

he’s cute when he’s confused so you forgive him

when he has an early class you sometimes have to get out of bed and force him away from his desk

‘but im almost don-’

‘hyunsuk it is 4am go the fuck to sleep’

sometimes he whips out the guitar at 1am, strumming a few chords and humming along

this you could never say no to

‘i wrote this one for you the other day’

lying there listening to him quietly serenade you fills you with this warm comfortableness

so you jump out of bed to grab his face

planting a soft kiss onto his lips

you can feel his grin even with your eyes shut

its safe to say that sleeping doesn’t play a huge part in the relationship, and you could not care any less :)

박지훈 • park jihoon

the ‘if i finish my project will you finish me? ;)’ boyfriend

lord help your soul

jihoon may look like the sweetest, most innocent guy on campus

but oh boy is that incorrect

before you were even dating he was winking at you across the classroom

or running ahead of you to open doors

and despite his wide and elated smile when you finally accepted his advances

he is a fiend

he’s like your own personal devil on your shoulder

‘surely we skip this class’ wink wink wink

you quickly figured out that the best motivation for this man is

well

the intimate kind

the ‘if you finish this project in the next hour ill let you do whatever you want tonight’ kind

he has absolutely no complaints

it was a dream come true when he realised you would reciprocate

besides

both of you would much rather spend a night having fun

than reading coursework and hating life

of course he has his sweet moments

buys you flowers

brings you chocolate when you’re sad

agrees that making a pillow fort is very important rn

cue the next 3 hours of bickering and pillow related injuries

but his tendency to get distracted

makes itself known quite often

of course you use this to your advantage

walking into the room in a tiny little skirt and an almost see through top

you get more attention than you’ve ever dreamed of

and the sex

you don’t wanna blow up his ego

but it’s just always really, really good

your professor has started to become suspicious

sometimes both of you do fantastic work

but sometimes both your projects look rushed (¬_¬)

‘we just spent too much time studying for our other class professor i swear’

this boy will be the death of you

金本芳典 • kanemoto yoshinori

the always late to class boyfriend

you love this boy to the grave

but you cannot count on all your fingers and toes the amount of times he has forgotten about his classes

never once has he done it on purpose

the man just gets so distracted by anything and everything

especially you

he is no thoughts head empty only yn

‘holy fucking fuck i have class rn’

you have his schedule written down in your phone

so when you tell him you’re going to the shops and he says he’s coming

you can tell him

‘no yoshi you have literature in 5 minutes’

cue yoshi olympic sprinting out of the house

the amount of times he comes back from class with a paper that has been graded

‘98%... late’

its basically his brand atp

you’re no better sometimes though

if you’re making out and in the back of your mind you know he probably has class soon

but you’d much rather be here

with his hands in you hair and your heavy breaths breaking the silence

you just say nothing

yoshi doesn't care if he’s late because you guys were having sex

in fact unsurprisingly

he quite enjoys it

as do you lmao

‘yoshi you have class’

‘stfu do you wanna have sex or not jesus’

he’s also developed a sixth sense when around his professors

if he passes by one of them on campus

he immediately leaves your side

jumping behind a bush

as you get confronted by his literature professor asking why tf he missed half an hour of class again

‘just tell them i died’

‘no??’

he’s never going to change, but as the wisest men say

yolo

김준규 • kim junkyu

the studies until 5am then sleeps through the class boyfriend

if theres one thing about junkyu

its that sleep >>>>> anything else

(aside from you >> ofc)

he also has this unbelievable fear of failing

so to compensate he spends hours and hours studying

into the night

you wake up sometimes and there’s 4 redbull cans scattered across the desk

and a very unconscious junkyu drooling onto his workbook

you take a photo of him

you gently shake him and wake him enough to get himself to bed

you can always tell how hard he’s working to try and pass his classes with the best marks possible

and you admire him for it

but goddamn does he need to stop staying up so late

you remember the infamous night that he stayed up super late cramming

absolutely determined to pass his exam with the highest marks possible

and then proceeded to sleep through all his alarms

you received a very tearful phone call that morning

‘can you wake me up at 6:30?’

‘junkyu its 5am that is 1 and a half hours of sleep’

‘yea??’

he lives and breaths energy drinks

cue his hands shaking to the point where both of you are like

‘maybe we should go to a doctor’ (≖_≖ )

your favourite thing to do together is nap

because he is always sleep deprived

he turns into a cuddly gremlin when you lie down together

you want to get up and use the bathroom

too bad

wait until he wants to let go

its okay though because he’s so cute

sometimes when you’re napping he unconsciously kisses your forehead and cuddles closer to you

and you have to say nothing so you don’t wake him but also die inside from love and affection

although he is clumsy

and somewhat disorganised

he’s your clumsy and disorganised, and you love him more than anything <333333

윤재혁 • yoon jaehyuk

the ‘whats the answer???’ boyfriend

you met jaehyuk in a class the two of you shared

you could tell he was an absent minded guy

he was often staring towards the front of the lecture hall

looking directly through the teacher

and taking in precisely zero information

but because you were sat next to him

and you liked to think you were a decent person

you would give him a tap on the shoulder every time you thought he was missing something important

this seemed quite mundane to you

just a girl helping out a fellow classmate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

but the butterflies that birthed in his stomach every time you leant over to help him out

made him feel crazy

so he asked you out

after getting over the initial surprise of this gorgeous man wanting to be your boyfriend

you began to notice all these little habits about him

his confused squint when he’s trying to figure something out

the way he clenches his jaw in understanding

his fiddly hands when he’s losing his attention span

and your personal favourite;

the way he leans over to ask you questions about the class

‘hey what did you get for number 1 coz i got 35 but its not even a maths question?’

he’s also so unintentionally funny

‘babe i lost 17 pens can i borrow one?’

once you snorted in amusement so loudly the teacher said bless you

which made jaehyuk loose his shit laughing

and now whenever you laugh at his expense he says bless you

so you slap him (gently)

he pokes his tongue out

you pretend to get offended

he laughs and kisses you softly

you forgive him immediately

his attention span in class has definitely improved with you helping him

even the professor has noticed

but

he maaaay or may not be pretending to zone out sometimes

just so you’ll tap him on the shoulder and look at him with your pretty eyes and ask him if he needs anything :’)

浜田朝光 • hamada asahi

the quiet sober; crazy drunk boyfriend

when you first met your boyfriend asahi

his quiet and calm temperament had caught your attention

you’d seen him in the library, head down, brown hair falling in his eyes

and you’d realised that you needed this man

he was beautiful

so you went and talked to him

his responses were

well

limited

‘hi’

‘yeah’

‘haha’

but little did you know his heart had swelled and his palms had become clammy at the sight of you

you and your face that he thought was maybe the most gorgeous he’d ever seen

so two months later you were dating

he’d told you he didn’t drink much

he didn’t care for it

but when you were invited to his best friend jaehyuks birthday party, he told you he’d probably indulge a little

“a little” he said

by the time you got into the uber to go to the party, his cheeks were flushed

by the time you got there, he was smiling wonkily at you like an idiot

about half an hour later and you’d totally lost him

you weren’t worried, it was a safe environment

but you were curious

so out you went to look for him

and there he was on the roof

ON THE ROOF?!?!

his hangover the next morning was his punishment for doing stupid shit you’d told him

now every time you drink

you wait for an incident ™

sometimes he just gets super horny

‘can we leave plzzz babe ;))’

and sometimes he manages things you don’t understand

‘okey we needa go coz that guys wantz to fite me idk why’

but all times, he is hungover for three days and one of his professors thinks he has an alcohol problem

‘i’m never drinking again’ :(

김도영 • kim doyoung

the hits on you like you’re not dating boyfriend

just like jihoon

doyoung has this innocent exterior, devilish interior

kinda vibe

he also has absolutely no shame ever

and so has this habit of constantly putting you in awkward situations

where people think he’s harassing you

but in reality he’s just being a dickhead

‘hey bby girl you wanna come back to my place tonight?’ ;)

before you had told your best friend that you and doyoung were dating

he had come over, slung an arm around your shoulders and gone

‘hey sexy’

you had turned bright red

and your friend had looked so confused you thought she might have an aneurism

doyoung lives in a share house just off campus with three roommates; jaehyuk, jeongwoo and junkyu

the first few times you’d come over, doyoung turned off the weirdness

opting for just following you around

like a lost puppy

but when he realised his roommates didn’t pay you guys any attention

suddenly he’s backing you into walls

grabbing you from behind in the kitchen

staring at your chest almost all the time

and just being a general menace to society

you have a really lovely and not embarrassing at all memory

of a beautiful spring day

5:30pm

you and two friends were walking out of class

giggling at everything under the sun

when a voice echoes through the air

a voice belonging to your beloved boyfriend who’s standing 20 feet away from you with a shit eating grin on his face

‘yo yn... is that a mirror in your pocket coz i can see myself in your pants!!!!’ ;))

your physics professor was standing right behind him

you’ve never seen someone go from confident to embarrassed that quickly

but even though he is your personal humiliation creator

you still let him hit

what can you say, he’s dumb but he’s hot lmaooo

渡辺春虎 • watanabe haruto

the ‘i fcking hate this class’ boyfriend

you were the year above haruto

you in your third year of studies, him in his second

you had dreamt your whole life of becoming a marine biologist

dedicating countess hours to study and achieving perfect scores

it wasn’t a secret that you loved all of your classes

now

one evening you were asked by your professor to attend a lecture and maybe help out anyone in need

and that’s when you first saw him

you thought he was cute immediately, his platinum blonde hair framing his face nicely and his glasses sliding down his nose a little

but you weren’t one for pursuing attraction

so you spent the lecture walking around and giving tips to people that asked

until haruto raised his hand as you walked by

secretly happy, you sat down next to him and asked what he needed

it was basically love at first sight for both of you

you spent the rest of the lecture sitting with him

he found you so endearing

and you thought he was hilarious

all was going so well

until he opened his mouth and went

‘yeah i fucking hate this class lol��

you awkwardly smiled

‘this is my favourite class’

his grin dropped dramatically

‘ah- ah i’m sorry idk why i said that’

you weren’t offended in the slightest

but his flustered reaction made you giggle

you began dating only weeks later :)

haruto’s favourite thing was to annoy the shit out of you talking about how much he dislikes the classes you love

you could be sitting in the food court

having a loving conversation

and out of nowhere he goes

‘i’m so glad im not in that class rn’

you deadpan stare at him

if he sees you studying for the class

‘damn i was gonna stay over but not anymore i guess fuck’

so dramatic i stg

despite wanting to punch him in the jaw sometimes

he makes you laugh more than you had in years

and so you can move past the difference in interests for him

박정우 • park jeongwoo

the second-hand embarrassment boyfriend

confidently raises his hand and says the total wrong answer

kinda guy

trips over and sprains his ankle in the food court

kinda guy

not that you’d have it any other way

but damn sometimes you have to restrain from cringing visibly

he’s like a walking sit-com

and you are the audience

your personal favourite pass-time is forcing him to listen to his own actions retold from your perspective

as you wheeze with laughter and he sits there like (－_－)

he secretly loves it though

if his misfortune is enough to make you happy

he thinks you might be slightly weird

but your happiness is all that matters to him

so he can deal with it

‘im glad me falling on my ass was this amusing to you thanks heaps babe’

one day you were sitting in a class you shared

it was business and it was boring but it was both of your favourite class because you were in <3 love <3

and jeongwoo had a question

the professor was walking around the classroom so he was waiting

and as they walked over, jeongwoo opened his mouth

and you watched practically in slow motion as he said

‘hey mum i have a question’

your eyes widened

his eyes widened

the professors eyes widened

doyoungs eyes widened

you held back on laughing until he’d gotten the answer he needed

and then you and doyoung let loose

‘hey mum’

‘mummy i mean mummy i mean-’

‘excuse me professor birthgiver’

‘OKAY I GET IT SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE’

if he ever gets insecure about anything

you look him dead in the eyes and tell him that he may be an idiot, but he’s your idiot, and thats all that matters :)

소정환 • so junghwan

the spends all his money on you boyfriend

from the beginning

junghwan had been spoiling you silly

buying you lunches

hearing you say you liked something and immediately purchasing it

you hadn’t thought anything of it at first

assuming it was just a friendly gesture

but the smirks from all your friends told you a different story

after the two of you began dating, his bank account began suffering

you had told him countless times

he didn’t need to be doing all this

but to him, it was his way of showing you he cared

‘you like this? i buy for u bby girl’

‘junghwan no-’

he also wasn’t afraid of showing people how much he spoiled you

read: ‘one time he walked into your class whilst the teacher was talking and everybody looked at him confused and he walked to you and gave you a block of chocolate and then walked straight back out but blew you a kiss just to make sure you were sufficiently embarrassed’

you adore him for it though

no matter how much he tries to humiliate you

you also aren’t allowed to try and pay him back

if he catches you tryna pay for something

or transferring money

its on sight

‘i am a grown man and i am insulted by this behaviour’

sometimes you run to the food court to buy both of you lunch before he gets there

so that he can’t lecture you on spending money

sometimes you think he’s a bit dumb though

you once broke a pencil you’d been using in your art class

and in response junghwan had bought you 83 more

‘why are there 7 parcels at my door rn’

‘damn that shits crazy i have no idea’

despite this

you know his only intention is to be there for you and help you out

so you always thank him with a huge hug

and only one or two insults about him being a walking wallet

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joppaisla · 8 months

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Bored, 19 (ish), and Weird: sort of nsfw..?

I hear screaming outside my door, not the murdery kind, that’s not this kind of book, or rather, journal. It’s a Friday night, and it seems like the rest of the world is having fun. Boys over at 1am, Drake playing from an RA’s room. It really does seem like every person on this floor is having fun. Except me.

Yes I know I’m being something of a sourpuss, spending my days complaining, or sleeping, or…well really nothing else. It’s a Friday night and what do I have to show for it? Well let’s look, I fished some strange cucumbers out of my fridge, I had put them at the wrong setting and when they defrosted they had become liquified insides and a still hard outside. It was like touching an alien’s penis, ok that wasn’t appropriate. Well my next activity of partying was just as grim, and embarrassing to share. After I threw away my strange squishy cucumber I was bored, and the first thing any human on this earth does when they are bored is masturbate.

It’s a go-to but also so depressing, most of the time I don’t even finish, its fun for a few moments, using my abused $15 bullet from Amazon but eventually it just gets sad. I start to see myself as the fruit fly living in my plants which has refused to die, lonely, slightly chubby, almost nineteen year old zapping herself for stimuli. That always takes me out of it.

Next thing you know you’re drinking Trader Joe’s tea from a mug you stole from your roommate googling “Am I depressed? NO WebMD”. You get caught up in the semantics of it, “If I even have to ask I must be depressed” “No, a really depressed person doesn’t need an online quiz from 2013 to affirm them, you must be faking!!”

I spend my time so wastefully I look up from my computer to see the sun has fallen, I get…sad. I wasn’t going to leave my room anyway, go outside and do what? Hang out with what friends? Go and get what food? Even though I was never going to leave my little cave I still feel sad knowing I can’t leave, at least not at the “raping hour”.

So what’s the purpose of all this? What’s it mean to be a college freshman with no friends, no money, no job, no boyfriend or girlfriend. Well it means you invest in vibrators and one dollar ramen I’ll tell you that, but other than that? I have no idea.

Freud told me that no-one who is happy ever daydreams, only the man with a unsatisfied life. I’d love to tell Freud beyond the grave how wrong he is but he truly isn't, at least not here. In fact I can’t wait for when I’m able to leave my classes and daydream. Mostly about romance and you know what but everything, from being a princess (yes I never grew out of those ones) to flying a plane, to being a celebrity, to writing the eulogy of an unknown family member. It’s honestly the best part of my day when I no longer have to pretend to live this life, I can do whatever I want, only of course in the confines of my brain.

That’s the worst part, being a brain, or a brain with a person attached. I am envois of every creature or insect I pass, I think “It has no idea how good a life it’s living”. I know it’s hard to hear from a white teenage girl in the middle of the midwest talk about the struggles of life and I don’t mean to mope but I truly think the bug has it better.

The bug has no needs it cannot meet, it wants food it gets food, it wants children it mates, none of this friends with benefits shit with bugs. Its life while yes full or fear and short lived will always be infinitely happier than the humans who step on it. It doesn’t have to every worry about matching socks or how their major and insect university will never make them any money. They struggle but are happy.

When I get in these moods I try to reinvigorate myself by a good stalking of social media, stalking every girl I hate, every guy I’ve had sex with, sometimes a person is both of these things…Its a little pathetic to announce, imaging me, a spinster turned old hag looking through frenemies daily lives, chuckling a little to see they failed a test, gained weight, or got back with their ugly ex. For a moment I feel better, than my own patheticness seeps back in. Not only am I an old hag sitting along in my dark cold room on a Friday night but I can’t even doing it in peace.

Now I’ve exhausted every method of fighting off boredom and loneliness, everything returns here, back to nothing. Hey maybe I’ll try masturbating again.

#dear diary #diary entry #diary #journal #journal entry #rant post #rant #bored #college student

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intrepidradish · 1 year

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Media: Dragon Ball Z

Year/my age: 2002/12

What drew me to the media:

I came home from highschool everyday and had a small tv with a built in vhs in my closet. It was 4:30pm and toonami was on Cartoon Network. I watched the entire Cell Saga and Majin Boo like a fiend. It was a shitton of episodes! Ugh. It's almost impossible to watch all the way through now, but maybe because as an adult I want like...more plot motivated writing. One of the best fanfic foder aspects of DBZ is that so much is left open to interpretation. I didn't question the filler episodes as a kid. I just liked all the muscles and screaming. The animation/manga style remains super duper fun. But mostly I found DBZ memorable because of Vegeta. I got truly invested in him as a character, because for most of DBZ, he really lets you down. I think TV shows love to harp on tropes for children, ie the bad man becomes a good man and all his values change to match the good characters *sparkles*, because they think morally those are the stories that should be told to children. Which is sad, honestly. Vegeta doesn't fall into that arc. He remains...kind of a bitch... and his character arch is fantastic and long and hard and he fucks up a lot and he doesn't really apologize for any of it. This was amazing to see as a preteen. Teaching failure to a child is really hard, and I think that America's school system is really bad at even attempting to. But failure is super important. Because all of life that child cum adult is going to fail, and its going to suck.

What made me a fan:

In college, I did another pass of DBZ, and whoa, developing adult horny brain really went into spiral knots wondering...so what the fuck... Bulma and Vegeta... had sex? They made a child. They made Trunks. So they had sex, right? I think this is pretty common a reaction. And as soon as you think that, well... the next step is... 'wait wait wait, how did they have sex? why did they have sex? what did that even look like?' And that's what sends you scouring the internet at 1am in your underwear (covertly, because you're in a dormitory with three other roommates).

I wish I could put to language what is it about romance that sends people into fandom holes. Romance is really important to fandom. I think it has something to do with how regimented relationships are in mass media. They aren't diverse. Most main stream romance is very streamlined and never gets into the messy odd bits without being labeled as some kind of edgy cusp drama. I don't know. But relationships seem to be the spring board for fandom hijinks. I'm all about it. I'd rather have fake blorbo relationships in my brain to obsess over than the real world. That shit gets you into trouble.

Oh god, and what an indicator of future dispositions. If you get into the Vegebul fandom, a lot of them are rape stories (because god forbid, a woman could want a shitty asshole alien man to bone at night. Bulma has her own set of problems, specifically with vanity being high up there). But yeah they were hot and I was pretty ashamed about the whole thing.

I was such a baby then.

Have I written fanfiction for it?

YES. One winter vacation, I wrote a 40 page fanfiction. This was probably in 2010? It was UNFINISHED, but I was incredibly sweaty the entire time, trying to build up to a spanking scene. (Yes, 40 pages of build up for spanking. I'm embarrassed for myself.) My computer crashed and the entire document was corrupted. My first fanfic was lost. RIP

Opinion on the fandom:

Pretty chill. I didn't interact with it much besides reading secretly. Originally, I was reading on fanfiction.net. When I came back to it years later (once again after college, I got my husband into it) I was reading fanfic for it on Ao3. I run into other Vegebul's periodically. They are all in their late twenties, early-late thirties. I follow someone here on tumblr that wrote this fantastic long series (100+ chapters) called Pillow Talk which is on Ao3. It's fucking incredible about showing the ups and downs, ins and outs of their relationship, because they do wind up together in canon (which is wild).

The most recent interaction I had was in the kink community, which was like *sigh* 'god, we are so fucking predictable, aren't we?' We had a good laugh! But he was trans masc too, chilling in a femme body, so we clicked right away about it.

I also remember I had an annoying conversation with my stepbrother once about tattoos. I don't have any, so they were asking why I don't. I said "If I started to get tattoos it would be a slipper slop before I start making bad decisions like getting a full Vegeta arm sleeve." Their mouths twisted in that judging you face and said "yeah don't do that." Like...ahem. My point exactly.

I think people get pretty judgy in general about Vegebuls because its a 90s kid's show, and its not a very good one. But being a Vegebul is kind of like... realizing your parents have sex. It's part of 'coming of age'.

Would I participate again:

Hell yeah, I would. Once a Vegebul always a Vegebul. The biggest hurdle for me would be catching up on all the new material. I watched Dragon Ball Super and found it lackluster. GT was so bad, I cannot. Something that's commonly an issue for me is the amount of subject material required to understand a story in fanfiction. I'll get into it later with other fandoms, but if the lore gets too big, I suddenly don't know how to participate.

Master post

#my personal take

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alohadvn808 · 1 year

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just another sleepless night

here I am, at 1am on Christmas Eve. I have been a little bit on the depressed and sad side. so many different things happened in the last few months. I can't explain every single one of them but I think I just need to let some thoughts out. I have been battling with my thoughts and it's been hard. like I said, so many sleepless nights where I think so much and just try to ignore my thoughts and distract myself, but that hasn't been helping me so much. I know I have a few friends I can talk to with these things, but I always think I'm bothering everyone. I know, I know, that shouldn't be the case when you know you have real friends you can count on. I get it, it's just myself wanting to figure things out by myself. I have been thinking about wanting to be with someone and having a relationship but it's been hard to really know what I want and who I want. do I want to find another person I need to get to know, or do I stick to someone I already know but still need to change who I am for them. yeah, Its one of those very complicated situations. I feel like I'm being selfish by not making choice or sticking to one thing, but the thing is, as I just watched “Emily in Paris”, “not choosing, is still a choice”. Yeah, that stuck around. if I choose to be the person that I am now, will that make me happy? but I choose to be the person they want me to be, will that really make me feel better? but not choosing, is still as bad because how would I know what happens next? and I'm the kind of person that always tell everyone, “how would you know? have you tried?”. exactly, I am the person that has all these thoughts and constantly have conversations in my head. I think my brain is overloaded with thoughts that I have panic attacks. I started gaining weight again and I don't feel like the best version of myself. I don't feel as confident as before. I don't know man, life has been a little bit of rollercoaster lately and I feel like I need a break. a break from what? I don't even know. I think I'm just wanting to come up with another excuse for something. anyway, i think I need to do this again. to just let my thoughts do the talking and see where it takes me. its Christmas Eve, and I think I just to cherish and be in the moment with my family. Goodnight

#not choosing is still choice #late night thoughts #holiday depression

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asfdhgsdkjhgb · 3 years

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quit asking what personality type i am! bitch is it not enough to simply say that every single one of the songs off of the Atlas: Enneagram album by Sleeping At Last fills me with a contradicting mess of so many emotions it makes me want to cry

#this is a hypothetical i have never been asked my personality type #also uhh no i am not ok #just me rambling again #seriously tho have yall listened to that album??? this isnt hyperbole #it feels like panic but also calm and hope but also sad and love but also hurt and aaaaaaa emotions hurt my brain #i either feel nothing or feel everything at once and those songs make me feel everything at once #also shout out to the hank green tiktok about myers briggs i have the same attitude about it as he does lmao #ahfjshdjhwjd the songs feel like a hug #like a tight hug. safe but a bit melancholy #lmao i do love that the reason i remembered this album existed tho is bc i saw a tiktok that was #a wilbur soot clip of him saying people who like alivebur should listen to 8 because the character is kinda based on it or whatever #and i was like oh i forgot about those songs i should totally go listen to that album lol idk if ive listened to it in its entirety before #and now i am here #crying a bit :)#its like 1am

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trackinghallownest · 4 years

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in the span of 3 days i have created the shittiest shitpost and the best art i have ever made on this account and i think thats cool as hell. i’m proud of me somewhat. yknow what else would be cool? socialising

#today i almost hit levels of 'sad guilty and stopped caring' to almost stick my head back in the discord but i wimped out again #i am being extraordinarily dumb about it though and i /really want back in/ so my goal for the next few days is to just fuckin do it #i'm going to hit anxiety brain with a baseball bat. maybe with nails in it.#but for now its past 1am and i'm exhausted i need to sleeb...........#goodnight gamers

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cinnaxis · 4 years

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y4kuzas · 5 years

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🍓🍓🍓🍓

#prayer wall #<#block this if u dont wanna see my ramblings #090419 #i feel v disconnected from my body rn so im just trying to ground myself #im floaty in all the wrong ways cmfbbdsj #im not sad or anything im just . absent #absent is a good word #no brain to body communication ot feels like #i got up n walked around n even went out on the porch but everything feels like its standign still #and im still just. not here #some hardcore astral projection ig #theres no wind outside so nothing feels real ckfbdbjs #i lost time between 10pm n 1am and whenever i realized (???) whati was doing o had nonidea how much time had passed #hh #if just been staring at ky phone whole yt was on autoplay #i should just sleep #hmm * edit #i got a caprisun and i feel human againcncnbdn #the trick was turnign on a light #gn anf sweet dreams n sweet days

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jupiver · 6 years

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#i keep feeling super masc and confident in my identity #but then something happens and its 1am and i dont know who i am #yesterday i couldnt bind but i was still feeling masc but ? it was whatever #and then i went out to eat with my brother and male cousin #theyre super masc and like ? just stereotypical dudes #i fit right in but i knew they didnt consider me one of the guys even though i act like it #and then i thought about my family dynamic and felt sad because i would hate for them to dislike me for not being cis #and then my brain went ok nvm be cis and i was like w h a t #i keep shutting down and feeling nothing about gender #today im gonna hang out with friends and theyre cis straight girls #i feel particularly masc around them bc im like lol im the queer ass guy friend #i just hate flopping back and forth from going yes im trans! im certain!#to hm i feel completely neutral with this gender thing #to horribly screeching oh god im a cis girl what the fuck is wrong with me #its just not fun to not know who you are but im still so happy with he/him and being refered to masculinely #is this dysphoria and the fact that im scared to be out?#rowan.txt #god what a rant

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marsupial-tapir · 6 years

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mb if i study today ill somehow gain enough knowledge and intelligence to figure out Why I Dont Just Go To Bed On Time Like A Normal Person

#mm bad habit of.. stayin up late thinking over Big Problems w my tired brain and making things Bad #half the things i get stress myself out abt i could avoid or at least deal w better if i didnt try to process them at 1am on 4hrs of sleep #i justify staying up late as like. Thinking Time Is Important but bad logic if its!! not a good time for thinking!!!#things arent BAD but i make myself feel like they are bc i process them when my brain is so tired it cant come up w any possible solutions #mmmM i got myself in a sad mood today for no reason and its frustratign to me bc #its hard to know how much i need to process and deal w now and how much is just. residual tiredness that would go away if i got to bed at 9 #honestly? im sure a decent amt of it is?#the solution to this is SO simple all i need to do is start going to bed early and see what gets better #yo id even be able to fall asleep straight away! sleeping's not the issue #my brain just cant.. figure out the steps it needs to take to get my body to be in bed before midnight #MM theres gotta be a simple override to this somewhere #do i need to like? make a list or schedule? set bedtime alarms mb?#teach myself to be good at early morning study so i can make myself sleep on the pretence of procrastination?#that one worked in gr12 i think #ANYWAY tips would be appreciated but not necessary #im mostly spitballin out loud bc acknowledging that this is a solveable problem w simple possible solutions is makin me feel better #personal

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oflgtfol · 4 years

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ugh on one hand i really dont want to listen to the rest of everywhere at the end of time because it was bad enough listening to just stages 1 and 2 and knowing that it’ll just get so much worse in 3 and 4 (apparently 5 and 6 aren’t so bad, you “get used to it”) and it’s like... i’ve always had tendencies towards... paranoia.. i feel bad saying that bc it’s not like, debilitating paranoia, but for lack of a better word, yeah i do get like that sometimes, and so like. i’ve literally been so on edge since i just listened to stages 1 and 2 and i know it’ll get so much worse if i actually listen to stages 3-6 all in one sitting one day like it’s been over 24 hours since i listened to stages 1 and 2 and i still am feeling kinda off. i think i’ll be better after tomorrow cause tomorrow i’m going to school, im leaving the house for the first time since monday morning so like it’ll be a good way to clear my head. but if i spend all saturday or sunday listening to stages 3-6 then i wont be able to clear my head like that till NEXT thursday... and i kinda dont want this weird paranoia sticking around for several days like UGHH

but also like. idk. just stages 1 and 2 were so thought provoking and like, emotionally destructive, yeah, but like. idk. i feel like it’s an experience i should have, even if it fucks me up for a few days i just feel like it’ll be good in the long run. just stages 1 and 2 made me realize so much but i feel like those realizations cant really like, go all the way through, unless i complete the rest of the stages. it’s weird cause like, yeah in the Throes of it yesterday i was talking about my family member and it’s like, idk i just think. it’ll be good to experience this album because it’s really like, put things in perspective, what she felt, but stages 1-2 only really capture the beginning of it so i feel like to really understand i’d have to complete it. and i think i kinda have to finish the rest of the album, just to complete that new sense of clarity.

and even beyond sorting out my own grief, i just think it’d be important to experience because like. idk, already just after the first two stages, im already like. thinking about my own life and all the things i take for granted and it’s just like. idk i think it would be important for me to like, re-examine what im doing with my life and be thankful for what i do have still

and not only all that but also i am, curious to a fault, even if it’s kinda self damaging. and so like, god this has been EATING at me for the past day like i know it’s going to be a horrifying experience but i just, cant stop thinking about it, and it deosnt help that it will NOT leave my youtube recommendations like i just have to hear the rest of it even if its for nothing else but sheer curiosity

#... lowkey think my . tendencies towards Paranoia are like. leftover from my weird ass childhood anxiety bullshit #like i mostly grew out of that weird shit . but with things like this? oh man it comes back #instead of lying awake afraid of the shadows in my room bc like #man i was scared of the STUPIDEST shit like 2012. the zombie apocalypse. etc #i dont lie awake at night worrying over that shit but sometimes that same like. fear comes over me sometimes #over. well. not the stupidest shit anymore . but like yeah over things that probably dont necessitate that reaction #like .yeah . reading up on cannibalism at 1am fucks me up for that night..#like idk this shit just leaves me feeling OFF KILTER and then i feel like someone is always watching me #and it just leaves me feeling so on edge and its even worse when its at night when im the only one in the house who's awake #and now like. literally there is no reason to feel like that when this album is dealing with dementia #there is no external threat when its about a mental illness of your own brain #but god damn i cant go to the bathroom at 1am without feeling freaked the fuck out LOL #LIKE IDK THIS ALBUM IS JUST GIVING ME EVERY SINGLE NEGATIVE EMOTION #grief? misery? supreme sadness? nostalgia? loneliness? paranoia? fear?#and its weird bc AS i was listening to it i was mostly focused on the. grief and sadness #i was so preoccupied thinking abt my own experiences irl #its only AFTER the fact that i started thinking abt the. sheer existential fear and dread of losing who you are #like only AFTER the fact am i feeling the Uneasiness.. the Dread..#as i was listening to it i was just sobbing but then as i cleaned myself up and took a shower it was like #oh shit lol O_O #and for the past DAY ive just been trying to chase that unease away by listening to pop music and shit but like #idk its still WITH me i cannot escape it. the pop music just feels like a thin shield like its doing nothing to keep it at bay lol #it distracts me for the 3 minutes its on but as soon as its off its like. oh haha O_O #like i stayed up on my laptop till 3am last night to work on hw and it was just freaking me out SO badly #being in my dark bedroom with my glasses on and being painfully aware of how silent the house is #im gonna have to stay up tonight again as well <3 AUGHGH #and like idk i just cannot stop thinking about like. death and dying and the afterlife and what it means to be alive at all #like even if im not feeling that unease im still Thinking about it like omg #brot posts #LIKE ALL THIS TO SAY YES I NEED TO FINISH IT

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violetnotez · 3 years

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HC: Seeing Them Shirtless for the First Time | JJK

Should I be getting ready for work? Yes, yes I should be 💀

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Music Genre: Rock | JJK

Characters: Gojo, Itadori, Megumi

Warnings: cursing, suggestive content

Music Collection | Tip Jar | Requests!

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Shop Owner Note: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS ONE-Gojos in particularrrrrr

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The first time you saw Gojo shirtless was during your first time being intimate with him.

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Gojo was just-perfect. You honestly couldn’t describe him any other way...yeah, he could sometimes be a pain in your ass with his boyish antics, but that somehow adds to that special charm he possesses. Even now, with his hands pinning yours above your head, lips molding into yours in a lustful heat, he was smiling as if he was having the time of his life. Gojo moved down from your lips, finally allowing you a second to breathe, instantly finding a spot on your neck, sucking and licking the skin as if his life depended on it. The sensation was overriding your system, your throat desperately trying to release a groan from the overwhelming sensation, intense heat traveling through your core. You felt him find the spot you were most sensitive in, that held back groan finally being stolen from your swollen lips. Embarrassment burst into your stomach, your knuckles tightening as you shifted to to the side, desperately trying to hide your face from making such a lewd reaction.

You felt Gojo chuckle against your skin, the vibration sending a shock wave throughout your spine and limbs. “Ah, Cmon doll, don’t be so shy,” he cooed, a devilish smirk encasing his features, “I like it when you make those little sounds for me.........and only me, right?” It was a taunt, a trap, and he knew it-if Gojo Satoru was anything, he was always confident in his abilities. And his ability to completely be able to control you, to keep you by his side, was no exception. Any other day, when you were thinking clearly you would Probabaly retort back with a back handed quip that would make him chuckle. But right now, with your head buzzing with adrenaline and only the thought of the way his skin felt against yours, his kisses burning into your flesh and the pulsating heat in your core...you just wanted him.

“Only you,” you whispered, voice wavering with nerves and adrenaline as your digits found the edge of his shirt, craving for more of his skin against yours. Gojo chuckled again, the sound warm and rich like molasses. Yet, his hand since again were on top of yours, now halting you in your pursuit of undressing him. “You really wanna do this doll? I’m not against it, not at all, but you dont have to-“

“I want to,” you interjected, face flushed with desperation, eyes wide with lust, “I want to so badly Gojo...I want you.” Gojo’s chest tightened at the words, a feral need exploding in his chest-god, the times he dreamed of this day and it’s finally happening...you were just too adorable, your hair tosseled from the heated make out sessions, lips puffy and skin so warm, your eyes practically begging him to devour you. How could he deny you that luxury, especially since you wanted it so much? He leaned in to your lips, digits tracing your skin in designs only he could imagine. He pulled away, mere centimeters from your skin. “You sure little one?” He asked again, using the nickname he gave you that always made you roll your eyes with a smile. It did just the trick, making you giggle at the name as you looked to the side-“I’ve always been ready, ya know.”

“Oh really?” He teased, that delicious smirk gracing his features. He leaned away from you, sitting up in the bed. “Well, I’m not too sure about that....” His digits wrapped around the hem of his shirt near his neck, pulling the fabric over his head and tossing it to the corner of his room. Gojo shook his hair out slightly, making the tendrils look even more chaotic than before. You felt your chest tighten by the sight of Gojo shirtless....you had imagined many times before, but seeing the real thing was way different, and way better. Gojo was built as perfectly as his personality, each muscle taught and visible in his abdomen and arms, the veins in his hand even more noticeable in the lighting. You gulped, staring at the way his sweatpants accentuated the dips of his hips, following down to the waist band of his boxers peaking out from his sweats.

Gojo noticed every gesture you made, loving how you drank in his form as he hovered over you. “Why don’t you take a picture-itll last longer,” he said as he leaned into your ear, earning a playful eye roll form you. He chuckled at your reaction, leaning back into your body, hands trailing the side of your waist. “Well if you’re not gonna take a picture....I don’t think it’s very fair that I’m the only one shirtless here....” your felt his digits find the hem of your shirt, teasingly tracing your skin under from underneath..

“So how about we change that, hm?”

The first time you saw Itadori shirtless it was by pure chance- He just cant seem to remember to bring a spare tshirt into the bathroom when he showers.

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Yuuji cant seem to understand why your so flustered- he is so adorable and innocently oblivious its almost painful. Especially when he comes out of the bathroom from a shower, cotton candy pink hair still dripping with water droplets, slick adomen in full view, the “V” of his hip bones partially exposed from the band of his sweatpants. You just wanted to have a chill movie night with your boyfriend-but how can you think about choosing between a horror or a comedy when you have that in front of you? You gulp down a ball of saliva as Itadori casually talked about the different options of films, rummaging through his drawers for a clean shirt as if this was all a normal event-which it was not. Your eyes were glued onto him, drinking in every deifned dip and curve and trying to hold yourself back from thinking about...other ways this cozy date could end up....

But Yuuji knows you like the back of his hand....he knows when something is wrong with you, and you most deinfitely are not your self right now. He instantly begins to ask you questions, voice softly laced with worry. You reassure him your fine, really, but Itadori knows you way too well. He gently raises your chin with his pointer and middle finger, forcing you to look into his eyes. Your breathe gets hitched in your throat, brain suddenly and unbelievebaly clouded from being so so close to him, now knowing that the boyfriend you love so dearly looks like a damn god under his clothing making your heart ram against your chest. His voice was comforting and warm, eyes scanning your face for any sign of sadness or even maybe sickness.

“Whats on your mind?” he asks gently, trying to coax a response out of you so he can put his worries at ease....until he hears the words “your abs”, blurt out of your mouth at warp speed, your tone dazed and then immediately embarrassed, horror on your face for saying soemthing so honest. He blinks a few times, clearly not expecting that to come from you....but he would be lying if he didnt say he enjoyed it once it set in. A warm chuckle tumbles out of Itadori, that bright boyish grin plastered on his face. He really didnt mean to make you so flustered,..but he’s not complaining

The first time you saw Megumi shirtless was by force-he just hates being taken care of when he’s hurt.

Crimson red clumped against Megumi’s face, sticky and smeared glimpses of his pale skin glowing under the moonlight. His hair was matted down to his face from the slashes oozing out of his head, suit was slashed to bits, his ribs were killing him, and he had a limp on his left leg...but he was fine-honestly. Or that’s what he was trying to tell you...but you wouldn’t listen to a single second of the bull crap he was trying feed you. He was conflicted with emotions-on one hand, it almost annoyed him how utterly selfless you could be for him. It was 1am, the moon on its highest peak in the sky, and you were willing to play nurse for him....but on the other, it warmed him up inside that you did care so much. If he would allow himself to dwell on that emotion, he would admit-that it was .... nice....to have someone take care of him for once. He was used to bandaging each wound on his own, cleaning and disinfecting the soon to be battle scars, hissing to the walls at the pain it caused him. But with you there, you were soft, so gentle with him. Your touch was like a second adrenaline rush for him-you had yourself cradled in his lap, the skin of your thighs barely crazing his tattered uniform. Hands gently positioning his hair, pushing the wispy jet black strands away from the wounds.

“I can do this on my own,” he retorted quietly, his voice a few octaves lower from fatigue. “I bet you could..” you completely ignored him, continuing to busy yourself with closing a scrape on his skin with butterfly bandages. “-but why would I let you?” Megumi felt his breath hitch, taking a sharp breath in....any type of annoyance he felt with you being so god damn persistent instantly left his body, the only thing he can focus on was how much he loved your selfless nature-even if it could be annoying at times. But the instant he took in that deep breath, he felt a deep, guttural pain in his side, making him groan before he could stop it from spilling out of his mouth. That soft gaze you had turned to worry, your hands wrapping around his face, thumbs running smooth circles on his pale skin. “Your hurt....we’re going to need to-“

“N-no, I-“Megumi stuttered out, obviously flustered by the prospect of you seeing him so bare. “I-I’m fine. I can do this on my-“ his voice was stern and cold, yet the wavering tone made any attempt of sounding firm go invalid. You gave him a small smile, your fingers still running circles against his skin, making him look at you with nervous eyes. “Megumi, you are not fine,” you stated calmly, with eyes that simply said the opposite-you were genuinely worried for him. “please...you could have broken a rib, or done soemthing to cause a lot of damage...please, Megumi, I don’t want you to be in pain anymore.” You were asking him, pleading with him, and it broke Megumi in his core-he just couldn’t stand to see you look that scared for him of all people. Megumi sighed, eyes drifting down to the floor in hopes you couldn’t see his embarrassment as he gave in to you.

You helped Megumi shuffle out of his uniform, opting to cut it with some scissors halfway (as it was tattered to shreds already). Both of you were quite nervous...in your relationship, you had never down anything that would warrant for you to see each other’s body’s. So you being able to see him without a shirt felt like a huge step, even if it wasn’t such a big deal to an outsider. Once the fabric was finally off, you both sat in silence, your minds reeling. You knew Megumi was fit, but seeing exactly how much that work paid off brought heat flooding your body, your eyes focused on the way his breath contracted and relaxed his muscles, the moonlight catching the divots of his lower abdomen deliciously. Pale white Scars littered his skin from training, making his body even more mysterious to look at. Each scar was a story, some sort of battle, a lesson he had to learn...you wanted to learn about each and every one. Your hand felt drawn to them, digits slowly checking for signs of bruising, purposefully tracing those scars in order to burn them to memory. Fushigori was practically panicking, desperately trying to keep his heartrate lowered, the cool night air biting at his heated skin as your digits traced against his sides. You were only trying to detect the spots that could be damaged on his abdomen...but damn was it firing something inside him. He was feeling more comfortable like this, just relishing the feeling of your skin on his.

None of these characters or shows are my own, only the storylines and narratives I create are mine. Copying, stealing, plagiarizing, rewording, or using my storylines in other media, claiming to be your own, or reposting without my consent is not allowed.

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