#its altogether a struggle lmao

[roses-edge]

Your ssri post hit so close to home for me. I feel like I was pumped with meds instead of anyone asking why I was so angry and having outbursts in the first place. On top of that the only thing i got out of those meds is struggling with sexual function ha (sorry if tmi)

Its insane how many people are out there with this issue. It's something I'm reluctant to bring up IRL. Some people are awkward and ignore it or assume I'm mental, others have told me to "Just get off of them!!" As if that's easy.

Idk if its the same for you, but I'm afraid of who I would be off of them. And OMG, the sexual disfunction is real, I can edge and edge, and still nothing. It's about a 50/50 chance for me orgasming. Even worse, I looked it up apparently when getting off of SSRIs, a condition where you lose sexual function altogether and can't orgasm at all can occur.

So it's like. Do I want to put myself through realistically a year (or more- I'm on 2 diff. SSRIs all high doses) of withdrawl, being sick all the time and not knowing what moods I'll experience/who I will even be, and face possible impotency for life... or just. Keep this up forever. I don't know if I'm ready to make this decision yet.

Sorry I made this about myself lmao if you'd like to share more of your experience, I'm all ears!!!

#ty for the ask!! #NEVER too TMI dont worry #ssris #radblr #radical feminism

[alucardownsmyass]

HC of Alucard giving his lover a massage after he notices how stressed and how much anxiety she's been having plz? 💕 I've been having so many anxiety attacks lately and my overall mental health has just gotten worse overtime. Just in need of comfort

babe, thank you for coming to me for this! i'd be so happy to write some! i'm sorry you've been having to deal with that. anxiety attacks are such a pain in the ass, especially when it's a daily occurrence. my private messages are always open if you need to talk.

i suffer from major health and social anxiety myself, and just a ridiculous amount in general to the point where i dread going out in public because i feel as if something bad is going to happen that will result in my death lmao. always know that you're never alone on what you're going through!

𝗦𝗖𝗘𝗡𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗢 : ᴇʟɪᴍɪɴᴀᴛᴇ ᴀɴxɪᴇᴛʏ

poor mental health was definitely not taken seriously during the middle ages. if one possessed a mental illness, it was instantly blamed as the result of committing sins and the patient was treated as an outcast. alucard wouldn't admit aloud that his mental health was at its lowest then, but he was aware. even now, it still isn't at its best, but he has his ways of enduring. when vlad was alive, his indulgence in the soft touch of a servant whose fingers wrote scriptures along the ropey muscles of his back, or a nice, long soak inside the luxury of warm water was his way of unraveling his mind free of chains and bloodshed even if it was only temporary relief, and it was one of the very few moments he had to truly feel at ease.

⠀

first, he'd tell you to peel away any and all fabrics that imprison the feel of your skin and to lie on your stomach when finished. for most, and at least in his experience, massages are much more impactful when the receiver is nude.

⠀

he'd then take his time to remove his gloves as he made way towards your body. even the sound of his footsteps were a majestic pitter-patter that seemed to reiterate inside of your head. his lips curl into a soft smirk after having left a kiss upon the flesh of your back. "has anyone ever told you how intoxicating the bare touch of a vampire can be?"

⠀

and like so, you practically melted in his hands.

⠀

he'll distance away from bringing up the topic of your anxiety altogether. the entire purpose is to focus your thoughts on something completely different, to distract you from what makes you anxious in the first place.

⠀

he whispers of a few affirmations and coaches you through exercises that aid relaxation as his fingers gently trail against your sides. "try and slow down your breathing, my love. let your mind settle and bury itself into an indentation of ecstasy." because you have anxiety, your mind is consistently bombarded with a million notions of unnecessary worries, so this can make it slightly difficult for alucard to stimulate his telepathy and pry himself within you mentally to clear it all. he understands if you struggle and he's so patient with you.

⠀

he'll lean close to your ear and gift little compliments here and there, like, "your skin is so stunning beneath the moonlight" throughout the silence. he also comments what he loves about whichever part of your body he is currently caressing and getting a soft chuckle out of your flustered expressions.

⠀

he immediately senses when your distress begins to subside, your eyes soon sinking into slumber. though you're asleep, he will still continue his massage for a few minutes longer. he loves the feel of you and is honored to be the one to rip away your vulnerabilities and dejections. it's the fact that you trust him enough to do so that may make him feel a little less like a monstrosity.

⠀

"sweet dreams, my dear."  he leans into your ear one final time, and perhaps will use his ability to manipulate one's thoughts to ensure that your dreams are indeed sweet.

⠀

#alucard #alucard x reader #hellsing alucard #anxiety

[acollectionofficsandshit]

if there won't be a TOU update until september, can you at least give us another sneak peek pleaseee? also i can't handle the sexual tension between max and lovie, when are they gonna finally fuck lol?

if you can't tell, i haven't read an in progress/updating fic in years and i can't cope waiting in between chapters 😭😭😭

I can give a sneak peek! I apologize bc some of this has been posted before lol but here you go! And they’ll fuck soon, I promise lmao. I’m more stressed out about writing them fucking than I was for Roman Profile 💀 I’m actually trying to decide which of my two ideas for when they should finally close the deal is the better option!

Also I totally understand the struggle to cope, I’m the same way! It’s killing me how slow I’ve been writing this, I’ve never had such a hard time putting the vivid ideas and scenes in my head down on paper before. I hate it!

“Sorry, what?” At the sound of his voice, the words spoken with distaste for the unsolicited early morning wake up call, each syllable crackling with the groggy, barely conscious quality that is so familiar to your ears, the absence of which you find you must admit has been sorely missed this past week, “who are you on about-”

Evidently oblivious to the sour note of animosity with which Max had responded to her initial statement, the nurse waves a hand through the air, gesturing dramatically to where you stand behind her, hidden just barely out of the line of sight, “your wife, Mr. Verstappen! You didn’t tell me she was coming-”

Seemingly with a mind of their own, your feet come to a halt without prior warning, bringing you to a sudden, unceremonious standstill and leaving you hesitantly hovering in the doorway as you take in your now unimpeded view of the room in its entirety.

“My what-” startled surprise dawns across the features of his face, lips slightly parting at the sight of you lingering uncertainly before him, Max stares at you with a dazed look in his eyes, the faltering rise and fall of his chest betraying the violence with which the words ‘your wife’ had knocked the breath out of him.

“I’m not-

“oh. Oh.”

“Hey,” you offer up with a small smile and wave lamely at him in greeting, suddenly questioning your decision to come back without invitation now that you’re standing here in front of him, an unfamiliar sense of shyness creeping in the longer you idle awkwardly in the same spot.

Max just continues to stare at you, saying nothing and doing nothing in equal measure, an altogether undignified expression on his shell-shocked face as his mouth hangs ajar, remaining silent and unmoving.

Uncertain of what else to do, utterly unwilling to be the first to break under the pressure, you remain exactly where you are, forcing yourself to stand a little straighter and hold your head a little higher, you meet his gaze dead on and hold it unflinchingly.

Otherwise, that little voice in the back of your head the one which demands the undertaking of foolish, inappropriate, wholly self-serving actions, taunting any sense of propriety with promise of what could be had if only caution were to be thrown to the wind, whispering in one’s ear of such delicious things as trading in self-restraint for recklessness and handing over self-control for just a taste of temptation, will win out.

The very same one that calls for the two of you to stop fighting a losing battle, to cross the room and close the distance between you in a matter of mere seconds; that commands you both to lay down your arms and concede defeat, to throw yourself into the other’s arms and remain there, audience be damned.

Because as hands start to wander, to clutch at shirts, to settle at the small of your back and find the curve of his neck… as fingers thread through strands of hair, memorizing the feel of that familiar body back where it belongs, pressed flushed and held close once again… as eyes flutter shut and lips come crashing together, stealing the air from your lungs–

“Lovie?” Kaia’s soft, warbling little voice calling out to you shatters the tense standoff in an instant, the delicate, dazed sound of it immediately cutting through all the other bullshit, serving as a sobering reminder of exactly who your priority is right now, “Lovie, here?”

Guilt dissuades you from sparing Max so much as a second glance as you rush forwards to the little girl with an encouraging smile on your lips, hoping like hell that the warmth which sparked and caught alight in your chest at the first glimpse of her, whole and well before you, has reached your eyes by the time you’re at her bedside.

“Yes, Petal, I’m here,” it feels like no small feat that when you answer her, the words come out steady and unwavering, the cadence of each no doubt aided endlessly by the note of gentle reassurance audible in your tone, “it’s just me, it’s just Lovie.”

At the sound of your voice, Kaia tries to sit up and reach for you but she lacks the necessary strength, the effort taking an immediate toll when she soldiers on, persisting in spite of the cast on her left arm which weighs her entire body down until with a start, she jolts back in surprise when all of the three adults in the room snap out startled, concern sharpened orders for her to stop and to stay.

While you’re the first to reach her, the nurse isn’t far off, coming to a halt just a few feet removed, deliberately hanging back at a respectful distance so as to not interfere with your handling of the situation. Behind her, only a step or two removed but somehow feeling impossibly far away, waits Max, cautious and watching, his mouth quiet and his feet unmoving once again.

And perhaps, if he’d been anyone else other than himself then there was the very real possibility that this behavior wouldn’t have been cause for concern but to whatever end, Max was Max and this was what came before the fall– it should fucking petrify you to see him like this.

#three of us #asks

[nothorses]

Ok sorry if I sent this twice, I got distracted and forgot if I hit send or not! I want to do something similar to the “my voice on x days of T” thing but I don’t really want to keep track of how long its been, just the voice difference. I was wondering if you or anyone else had suggestions? I struggle a lot with memory and dates (and remembering to write down stuff) so I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment when I inevitably forget what day I’m on. Thank you!!

lmao I feel this so hard. I started an "x time on T" video diary that I was pretty faithful to for almost a year, then hit the year mark and stopped trying altogether.

Still nice to have the evidence of initial change, though- and tbh if nothing else the original benchmark to compare to is really encouraging. I should probably go back and record something just to give myself another something to compare to.

I think the trick is to just avoid setting benchmarks or holding yourself to a consistent schedule; even if it's just once a year, I've found that the guilt of missing one benchmark means I'm likely to avoid recording anything after that (y'know, like I'm doing now 🙃).

Make it a whenever-I-feel-like-it thing. Make it something you do when you have time and energy and want to, and if the benchmarks don't space out well, who cares! It's not about having a perfect end product- it's just for you. Do it when you want to.

#old asks

[toastsnaffler]

keep seeing that "dont pirate books!" post and its honestly getting on my nerves I really dont think authors are losing a significant amt of income specifically to piracy. dont get me wrong I'm a huge library supporter & of course buy books if u can + want to but like. in my experience the vast majority of ppl who pirate books do it bc they have no alternative way of reading them ie. they can't afford to buy them + don't have library access (or their local library just doesnt stock that specific book etc). if u prevented book piracy altogether, any change to profits by people being "forced" to buy them would be negligible bc itd be offset by the fact authors would simply reach a smaller audience, losing a sizable amt of free marketing which wouldve encouraged sales. I think its really no different from people selling books secondhand or donating them or lending them to friends (which people dont criticise lol) just across a virtual platform instead of a physical one. also I think some of u need to stop viewing piracy as some act of hostility or pretending its only ever done out of spite because to reiterate: Some People Cannot Afford Or Access Books Otherwise and u shouldnt be shaming them for that lmao. and ANYWAY even if all of that wasnt true in my honest opinion it doesnt fucking matter. piracy is never morally wrong and no one ever needs to justify why theyre pirating something instead of accessing it elsewhere. I'm not abt to create exceptions to my belief in that bc some people on the internet have got the idea into their heads that individual piracy is solely responsible for the downfall of the publishing industry and its not instead possibly(!) a huge flaw of the way the industry itself functions that authors (+ those in similar creative industries) struggle to make enough income to live off.

#sorry this is a big block of text im not the best at articulating things but man I can't be the only one annoyed by that post #whenever u bring up the point 'what abt poor ppl' then these bozos are immediately like oh well it doesnt apply to them!! like. #u cant possibly know every single persons reason for pirating something. like do u want to fucking police piracy???? #maybe we should ask for ppls income before we allow them to sign up for zlib or download a torrenting client. lmfao #I could probably go on but im not going to bc its rly sunny outside now and im gonna go for a walk so I can be less annoyed bye #.diaries

[loominggaia]

So I don't know if you like, accept ideas like this or anything, so just ignore this if you don't, but imagine this:

A completely normal everyday Joe is given Divinity. Guy is just a 100% normal human man that worked a 9to5 job while maintaining a healthy work/life balance. Never did anything noteworthy or extraordinary. Not even his family was abnormal, (two kids, loving wife, family dog) just your everyday average guy.

Dude becomes a divine and just says screw it and proceeds as usual. Even after his wife (and later kids) ages and dies he just does as he usually would. And no one in the town he lives in cares about his immortality.

Like:

"Hey Joe, how long have you worked here for?"

"Two hundred 'n fifty years next week, 'm hopin ta get a bonus for it."

This is actually more common than you'd think! Divinity grants someone a lot of neat powers, but it has a dark side too. Eternal life isn't all its cracked up to be, and with great power comes a bunch of fanatical ass-kissers trying to earn your blessing. Salina and Marina touch on this a bit. Divines tend to develop weird little cults around them, whether they're trying to or not.

Imagine a bunch of annoying fanbrats coming out of the woodwork to harass you, always asking you for asinine crap every single day for the next...eternity. Divines who make their great power known will eventually attract these people like flies on shit. Getting blessed by a divine is the closest a mortal can get to being blessed by Gaia herself, and many believe it also brings them closer to the celestials. Considering celestials are the ones who decide their fate in the afterlife, this is important to a lot of people. Meeting a divine is akin to meeting Jesus in their eyes.

Some divines take well to the fame and attention (like Miliko), but others can't handle the pressure and decide to hide their divinity, or just hide themselves from the world altogether (like Salina and Marina).

Those who wish to keep participating in society won't hide away, but they might hide the fact that they're a divine. Roach is in this camp, though his secret is slowly starting to creep out the more he dies and comes back. People--namely the Aquarian Alliance--are starting to catch on.

This is why the World Athenaeum struggles to keep an accurate registry of divines. It's impossible to say how many divines are hiding among mortals, just going about their business undetected.

(Also this drives home just how pathetic poor Krozlaug is. He's a bummy divine who lives in a dumpster because he's such a fuckup that no one even wants his blessing lmao)

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

#ask #askdivine

[papirouge]

That thing about adults watching toddlers cartoons you reblogged... I think it truly is a reflection of some people literally reggresing in some ways, and i don't blame the ones who just want an escape from their shitty lives. I feel some people simply are finding it difficult to accept the reality of adulthood and all the realizations that come with it. The lost of innocence and all, finding out the world is more harsh and cruel that expected... I don't know, i can understand in a way because sometimes ill watch cartoons from my childhood or play videogames from that time too... It's the nostalgia from better times. I think it happens to us that had more sheltered childhoods.... However, i do think its weird to seek out new cartoons from toddlers and somehow enjoy it. I don't get it. Perhaps cartoons fr older kids are really bad nowadays, i wouldnt know.

I do think its more understandable for people interested in animation since most western cartoons are geared towards kids, and adult cartoons are ugly as balls lets be honest. And they can be cringy as hell: once i was walking by my brother watching that Bojack horseman or whatever cartoon, and there was this character talking about asexuality and how you could be asexual and have romantic relationships and sex. Like, the cringe... Id rather watch bluey or stephan university lmao

Yeah I hate how Western animation has become.....so ugly. I mean the Power Puff Girls or Totally Spies had some edge but when I see today's animation it looks so ugly and disgusting (Family Guy, Big Mouth has to be the filthiest adult animated show I ever laid my eyes upon). And I also hate how adult shows have to be so unecessary sexual. It's like because, since they're for an adult audience, they now could tackle those topics, they had to shoe horn these unecessary awkward and disgusting storylines.... (and thinking you can be asexual while having sex is stupid yeah lol)

I think you are absolutely right about how watching these "comfort shows" can help coping with the hardship of reality, but look at the result : people are getting more and more (intellectually and emotionally) retarded. It's not normal for a 25+ adult of being invested in anime or manga where the characters are half of their own age....

Look how anime has groomed entire generations of men thinking that women enjoyed sexual harassment and rape, and that they didn't have real hobbies (beside looking out for male approval). I'll never be over how horrendously written 99% of female characters in manga are (the 1% left are written by female mangaka). There's no wonder men who grew up with that trash have a totally wrapped image of women, struggle respecting their boundaries (there's no wonder japanese men are known creep - especially with foreigners), how a REAL ADULT HUMAN FEMALE body look like (just the other day there was a kid on Twitter calling "disgusting" a woman who had.....body hair on her arm. His argument? "but IN PORN women don't look like that!!!".....😐).

I think those shows are ruining the way people are adulting. Western civilization look down on cultures that upkept a "ritual of passage" into adulthood, arguing it's unecessary and kinda hard on kids to have such a sharp leap into adulthood, but I think those cultures actually have a point. At some point adults need to cut out with regressive coping mechanism for their own well-being.

Again : grown adult watching debilitating shows is not normal. It makes them emotionally retarded and dumb. Just because something helps you to cope with shit doesn't mean it's harmless or good for you in the long run.

A grown 27 y.o woman unironically posting about her "comfort character" and that characters is somehow half her age is NOT normal. Grown men in the 30s watching anime and getting excited about the next One Piece chapter release like there's no tomorrow is NOT normal. Grown men watching anime altogether is a red flag anyway (and let's not talk about those gathering toys/collectibles which is HIGHLY symbolic psychologically-wise - babies/children are those needing toys, not adults...)

#anime culture was a mistake #answered #anime

[haitanisbug]

Hii it's the team green anon here and i have to say this-thank you so much for hearing me out😭 i know it may seem stupid but you have no idea how many people try to jump my bones when i say that i'm actually sympathetic towards alicent and the greens cause while i just want to have a genuine conversation with no beef ;;

That being said, i think that alicent's resentment towards rhaenyra stems not so much from the power struggle and her being an heir but more from jealousy? I mean just like you said, whatever rhaenyra would or wouldn't do it was excused by viserys, it was rhaenyra who literally was called the realm's delight and while yes, she was still only a woman in everyone's eyes and not fit to be the heir many things were still excused while alicent was sold off like cattle by her power hungry father to viserys and never got to experience the 'freedom' rhaenyra had

I'd really love for them that they'd get along well just like they were still children ;; and yeas i absolutely agree that viserys played a major part in it too! Bc let's be honest, while he was arguably a good man, he wasn't a good king lmao

As a grown fucking man he literally let himself get manipulated and played by otto to get married to alicent and then when years went by he was like 'oopsie daisy why won't my girls get along🥺' while doing literally nothing to at least try and ease the conflict until the very end when shit finally hit the fan

ppl are always so stupid w/ online discourse esp when it comes to shows like this. like every character in hotd and got have so many faults. its difficult to insert our modern day morality and values to a show like this lmfao. so the hate and ppl jumping your bones is unwarranted.

'while doing literally nothing to at least try and ease the conflict until the very end when shit finally hit the fan' YES exact reason why i hate viserys. He tried so hard to keep the peace but instead of addressing the problems in the realm and his own family, he ignored it altogether or forbid discussion. At least it makes for good drama for us the viewers Lol.

and i absolutely agree with what you said about rhaenyra. Many things were excused for her, while alicent was held to a different standard. and obviously that anger manifested and brewed and is now spilling over as we saw in the past couple episodes.

also as far as having more green positive fans/posts on your dashboard... i follow @/saintshigaraki and they love alicent and i always see them reblogging green/alicent positive posts on my dashboard. you should follow them bc i think you'd like their blog!

#sending you big hearts #tj.mail #hotd

[shatteredfears-arch]

1, 6, 20

MULTIMUSE QUESTIONS ;;

1. Which of your muses to do relate to the most?

sO its sorta hard to pinpoint the exact parts i relate to, bc i wouldnt say i relate to a specific muse in general, as much as parts of various muses altogether. like i can relate to bruces struggles to decide what true justice is, and to differentiate between people doing good and people doing bad, or the fact that there is a silver lining between (that tbh 99% of the internet can't recognize at all they're all so far one way or another way even auts like me dont get their shit lol) as well as the tendencies to heavily lean into research, overfocusing on something in particular, just general struggles

or like ashley in U/ntil D/awn, she's sort of the shy one, but she also reacts. like she doesn't just notice, she reacts. she gets attacked? she stabs, she realizes she fucked up, and she can never stop thinking about it years later. that's something i definitely do all the time, even after realizing something wasn't my fault or that i was gaslit into believing it was my fault when i wasnt even involved (ashley was involved she was definitely one of the players but anyways) you don't just, stop thinking about it, even when you know it wasn't your fault. you can't stop thinking about it.

or like the loyalty ethan and mia have, the way they're willing to risk every single thing about themselves for their family, that's just inspirational in my opinion, but doesn't always necessarily mean that doing everything for them is a good thing for yourself, if that makes sense.

or even cassandra like, she struggles just to walk in a straight line or to even see things clearly, which i definitely can relate to bc my visions awful, my hearings awful, theres no focus, i'm visually disabled in multiple ways and can't even really read well, it's all just a lotta struggle through and through, but like.. she did it anyways. she pushed through. and yeah she's a man eating monster now but the fact she pushed past the things that cause struggle is still important!! especailyl because not all of us can!!

basically its a lot of little things that build up a bigger thing, imo, and it can go on forever lol.

6. Is your time divided equally between each muse?

my brain is eternal cass brainrot im awful lOL

20. Do you have any new muses you’re thinking about taking up?

I found S.D. P/erry's novelization of shadow of the t/omb r/aider, which i own but haven't started yet, but l/ara c/roft and t/omb r/aider in general were essentially the second half of my childhood outside of po/kemon lol. but Lara is definitely a possibility. i'm also stll trying to collect and read through her novelizations of RE, bc I have a lot of res chars i'd wanna add, but i wanna have more feeling for besides just the games yknow?

if ever given the chance, i'd love to bring back my s/tardew v/alley characters too! they're obvs not horror themed but yknow-- i'm love them. i'm sure someone will be likened too when i finally get the quarry i jsut havent gotten there yet lmao, and i may try to get through S/tranger T/hings again so I can add max, but specifically for Tinker so she probably wouldn't be public. (tbh, i probably can get what i need from watching clips on yt but anyways)

also, more outlast muses. just. yeah. especially with outlast trials coming out soon.

#out.

[buoyantsaturn]

35, 57, 73, 96

35. tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot

this one is difficult bc all of the characters that i write are like. side characters who are not incredibly fleshed out (or fleshed out in any way shape or form <3 love u will <3 ) and i also have a very difficult time like. knowing what a personality is and understanding how it is different or similar to my own because i do not feel like i have a personality. also ive read this question like 6 times and i dont think i understand it. its like one of those sentences that changes meaning every time you stress a different word.

anyway i do not think i attach myself to characters who i cannot relate to in some way, and therefore i am no longer able to distinguish differences between the two of us. oh, is that a grieving emo boy outcast type? obviously he must have all of the same traits that i possess as well <3

57. what is the last thing that a fic made you google when you were reading it?

i do not let my attention stray from the fic <3 at most i will translate anything that is in a foreign language that i do not immediately recognize but that does not happen often bc context clues can usually get you there <3 i did have to google one word once bc i straight up did not believe it was a word, and then when i googled it it turned out that that exact word had been used like 2 or 3 other times Ever in the existence of the internet (according to google) and they were all either in tweets or kpop fic. or, of course, this one pjo fic. no i do not remember the word bc it absolutely was made up <3

73. how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

they are very movie like!! which very much sucks for me because i am bad at describing things imo <3 its part of why i feel like i avoid like,, scene setting, because for me its like. basically you should figure out the scene for yourself, it's all back there, can't you see it? anyway here's the important, eye-catching stuff that you should Actually pay attention to, which is the talking and moving and the bright lights and shiny objects. i think maybe sometimes i am a toddler who is distracted by pretty colors and loud noises. but also yes there MUST be decent word flow, regardless of how i am visualizing a scene. the whole thing can look however its gonna look in your head (bc clearly my lack of description is not painting this picture for u lmao) but sometimes it just needs that punch up of like. a sentence thats going to deck you straight in the face. u know <3

96. romantic/social sideplots: interesting or irritating?

oh bestie in my fics the romance Is the plot. i struggle to write non-romantic plots. i struggle to write sideplots altogether lmao

thanks for asking!! i feel like i answered Maybe one of these questions <3

send me numbers!!

#jsyk when i was trying to find the word 'deck' in my head i was like #theres a word for punch that starts with d. its not dock. dack is not a word. duck isnt right either. it sure aint dick #had to go through the whole alphabet trying to remember the word deck #honestly just proud i got there eventualy #ask #anonymous #ask meme

[synchlora]

Tell me more about eret and Fundy in your au! Also! I would love to hear more about tubbo, ranboo, and Tommy before they meet Wilbur

YOOO let's go eret and fundy development time :]]

eret & fundy

SO. eret is (or rather was) a social science major along with niki (law student), fundy (computer science major), and wilbur (med student) at the same college, so the four of them knew one another well. fundy, eret, and their friend (elaina :]]) all roomed together freshman year onwards until the apocalypse. niki and wilbur lived together for a bit too but wil dropped out and also moved out on his own soon afterwards (leaving niki to move in w jack)

and with that backstory we get tooooo: eret, fundy, and elaina in the apocalypse Trying Their Best. long story short for that, elaina gets sick with what they hope is just pneumonia, turns out to be more sinister (as in yknow. zombie disease). and obviously the whole trio r panicked, not sure what to do here. and so they call on the only person they know who has Any medical knowledge: wilbur. and what does he do?? completely fucking ghosts them

and so here they are: no access to any medicine or professionals, too afraid to take their friend anywhere because they will probably just fucking kill her. and it progresses. Fast. its the lung infection version, so it spreads fucking fast, like within the godamn Week fast. and she is completely fucking out of it within a few days

so fundy and eret are terrified. fundy has always been very openly nervous, and while eret has tried to keep a brave face, even she starts to break as the situation just gets worse. and then, it's too far gone. and elaina is awake, but not in the way that they hoped. she's completely turned, and this realization came only after she lunged at fundy. in desperation to keep him safe, eret ended up killing her (i will figure out the logistics of this later rip). and they're both in fucking shock

they run off, leaving the apartment behind and taking only what they need. the car ride is silent and erets not really sure where they're going. just. anywhere but there

he ends up pulling off the side of the road, the sun is rising on the horizon, they've been driving all night. the two of them only break the silence to cry

bench trio before wilbur

gonna be honest, before wilbur they were just fuckin scrambling around trying to figure out what to do with very little medical knowledge. they are about as clueless (if not more so) than eret and fundy. so yeah, tommy and tubbo are Stressed

that first week or so, tommy and tubbo are scouting the area for some sign of a place that would feasibly have supplies. this is an unfamiliar city to them, so it takes them a while to find a hospital while also conserving gas and only traveling in daylight. its also made extra difficult considering they don't want to leave ranboo on his own. hes struggling enough with the disease, he shouldn't have to fight off zombies on top of that. but they also can't exactly bring him along either

they compromise by bringing the RV to stay parked in the hospital parking lot for a while, staking out a camp there. its risky, especially considering the density of zombies at night around the hospital (many were brought there when it first broke out as you'd imagine) but its one theyre willing to take

from ranboos perspective, this sucks. everything is painful, their arm feels like its gonna fucking fall off, their sight is failing them half the time, its a horrible combination of nothing to do and everything being overwhelming. however, because his infection isn't in his lungs, it is far more difficult for it to take root (which gives him a lot more time). but this does mean that it makes his bones hurt inside of his arm, which was a pain he did not know was even possible. most days are bad days, with days where he's completely nonverbal being the hardest to cope with considering he can't talk and signing with one arm is difficult, just about as hard as writing with his left hand. makes it difficult to communicate and those are days where everything feels all the more hopeless

basically: before wilbur, its hell. after wilbur, its also hell, but at least it passes eventually

#its altogether a struggle lmao #i dont think eret and fundy will ever forgive wilbur. and wilburs choice is something he'll have to live with for the rest of his life #and then ranboos just suffering. clingyduo are fucking STRESSED and its just a mess #wilbur did save a life in the end but it simply wasnt the one that he expected #i'll explain wils motives some day.. thinking those out a little still but id be happy to spitball it a little if anyone wants to hear #just vauge ideas for now #answered #apocalypse au where ranboo lives and its all happy and good and wonderful #wolf the beloved

[kisstheashes]

How to Write Gore: From a Gore Writer

To start: Gore ≠ horror genre. Gore and body horror is a TYPE of horror, but it does not encompass the entire genre. Think of the difference between SAW, American Psycho, and Pan's Labyrinth. All horror, not all focusing on gore.

However, gore/body horror is a part of many genres of fiction. It shows up in fantasy, action, drama, sci-fi...so knowing how to write it can be pretty important. And here, I'll be running down how to write explicit gore, not unlike truly horrific carnage you'd see in the worst crime scene photos. Obvious TW for examples I'll be using (which will be long)

Pick a POV. Is this going to be in the POV of the victim, or the instigator? Or will you switch between them, or will it be a third limited? You should know this before you start the story, but especially make sure you know what voice you'll be using for scenes like this.

Use all five senses. Sight, touch, sound, taste, smell. What is being seen by your POV? Do they hear bones cracking, skin ripping, fluids squelching? Do they smell metal, or blood, or old rot? What are they feeling, physically? Are they shivering in pain, if it's a victim? Or are they steady, or shivering in happiness, as an instigator? Are they biting their tongue so hard they taste blood? Example:

JJ tried struggling and turning his head away, but it was no use. The monster forced his eye open and slowly started taking his toy's eye.

His body strained and he struggled. Nothing Anti had done before compared to this pain. Blood streamed down his face and squirted everywhere. JJ's eye started popping out of the socket as the pain consumed him, making him sick and dizzy.

Anti bit his lip, breaking the skin and drawing a few droplets of blood to the surface. He contained himself and kept a slow pace, enjoying the sight of his toy's eye falling out of its socket. Bright blue and stark white covered in shiny red. Anti felt his borrowed heart start pounding, his hands shaking. He'd waited years for this. Everything had gotten in his way.

Blood poured down half of JJ's face and soaked the thread in his lips. His vision was flashing red and black and white. He could barely breathe and tasted copper. His body was giving out, muscles spasming and limbs going limp. His good eye was blurry with tears.

This could be refined a little more, but I think you get the point. Capture the whole moment, even if it takes you a while to do so.

Get creative. Everyone has read about people getting shot or stabbed during interrogations, torture sessions. Take it a step further. Use the knife or gun in an interesting way, or use a different, unexpected tool altogether. Example:

Maze tipped his head back, running a hand through his hair as Chase brought the cheese grater back. "Take it across your right arm." He slid his eyes over to Chase as he did so without hesitation. The first thing Maze saw had been the blood start making rivers down his arm. When the cheese grater was pulled away the skin had divorced from the muscle and hung in the air, making a V shape with his arm. Maze let out a disgruntled noise as he watched Chase bring the cheese grater to his arm again. Flecks of skin caught in the ridges of the grater and fell to the floor as Chase's blood cascaded down his arm. He could hear Chase's skin ripping off of his arm and his blood dripping to the floor. He could see how the grater tugged at the skin before ripping it off and the skin falling to the floor, into the blood. The whole of his bicep was bloody and torn apart before Maze commanded him to stop.

I first wrote this cheese grater scene in 2018. My friends still say they can't look at a cheese grater the same lmao

And finally, get descriptive. Show, show, show. Be visceral. Be upsetting, be horrifying, and vomit-inducing. Write vomit if you want! Get into the nitty-gritty, show how awful it is, and how inescapable it is for your characters. Yes, it's okay to be panic-inducing! This is horror- and not just horror. This is gore. This is explicit pain and suffering. It's not meant to be soft. It's meant to kick your reader's teeth in. It's meant to get under their skin and make them so uncomfortable it's hard to get through. It's like a car crash, or train wreck, or witnessing a murder. I don't think I need a final example, but I'll give you one anyway. Example:

"Attack." The wasps dived in, stingers first, as they attacked the one Sadreen wanted.

Pinpricks of powder blue blood left the other as the wasps stung, his screams turning to shrieks and confused begging, as they begged whatever held them to let them go.

Sadreen approached the swarm of wasps with even steps and the other, his smirk falling into place again. The other spotted him, shaking his head as he tried to contain his screams.

Sadreen stood in front of the other, inspecting them. Their blue blood dripped out of their wounds, not enough to fall or move. The areas of skin around the wounds blackened, the open wound pulsing with venom, the green-tinged sickness spewing and dribbling out of the wounds, mixing with the drops of blood.

“You should not have meddled with what is not yours, little one.”

The other tried to speak, cut off by blood shoving itself up to their throat, falling out of their mouth in waterfalls, and filling their mouth with their tainted blood.

In their binds they spasmed, foam leaving their mouth. Sadreen uncoiled his tendrils, their form collapsing to the ground with several cracks, as now brittle bones from the venom snapped on impact.

And to close out some final advice: Never, ever, ever let anyone bully you into dumbing down these scenes. They are horrific on purpose. Slap your TWs at the beginning, and keep moving. You gave readers a fair warning, if they read it and then still trigger themselves, that's on them. I know people have had raging issues lately with dark fiction, not to mention horror, but those puritan rules don't apply here. Go wild.

Go completely feral.

You deserve it.

#writeblr #writing advice #writing tips #writing inspiration #horror #horror writing #gore writing #writing prompts #writing help #writing #writing stuff #yes I added that last example just bc I'm proud of my writing #you didn't need it but i put it there #youre welcome #this also isnt as long as i thought it be

[reallyhardy]

went through the goes-wrong-verse playbills/programmes - that is, ‘the play that goes wrong’ and ‘peter pan goes wrong’ (thank you @cornleypolytechnicgoeswrong​ !) trying to piece together each society member’s career within the society PLUS if possible whatever it was they were doing at the polytechnic (university) course-wise, along with whatever other character snippets they give. this is mostly to inform me when writing but i thought it’d be useful for other mischief/goes wrong fans!

chris bean:

as of TPTGW is the ‘newly elected’ head of the drama society, and is known at the university for his charitable & philanhropic work. he has six acting credits within the polytechnic to his name.

i was going to presume his choice of course at the uni was acting or directing, but his PPGW bio states that his ‘dacting’ (directing and acting) is all self-taught, so who knows. maybe he’s just in the society because of his aforementioned charitable work.

robert grove:

has starred in 40 productions with the society since 2002 (when he began work at cornley polytechnic as a caretaker - i’m taking this to mean he was never actually a student there.) anyway wow explains why they call him a “veteran actor” lol.

he offers acting lessons (reacting, gesturing, emotioning and acting) and can be contacted via twitter @robertgoodactor. i’ve looked this twitter account up and it does exist it’s just not been used since 2017 - that said there are some in-character photos of henry lewis as robert and nancy zamit as annie on there and plenty of tweets.

he runs an extremely dubiously safe cornley youth theatre program and can be contacted at his email [email protected] (membership fees are non-refundable.)

trevor watson:

in TPTGW is arbitrarily from ‘the north east’ (rob falconer’s portrayal, whereas chris leask’s portrayal is firmly and specifically scouse.)

he has a twitter account (rob falconer’s portrayal) @trevtechie, with i think probably the most tweets of the cornley twitters. stopped being updated in 2017.

his participation in haversham was to complete an electronics module - as the light and sound technician i’d assume his course was in this kinda field.

he states that after haversham he wants to never work with the cornley drama society again, but as of PPGW he’s “following in his parents footsteps” and has pivoted to possibly actually studying stage management. (his PPGW bio states that he’s in his final year at the uni for the 3rd time running. so it could mean his staying on with cornley is like partially due to failing his course?)

dennis tyde:

in his TPTGW bio it states that he joined the drama society after failing to get in to any other societies.

he didn’t live on university campus and commuted in from his parents’ house. he mostly just wanted to make friends - he’s interested in snooker and wants to meet like-minded people.

in his PPGW bio he still wants to make friends and says you can reach him via twitter @dennistyde. i checked this account too and again it does exist but hasn’t been used since 2013, and there are only 3 tweets so its much more bare-bones than the others. i like his one tweet about drinking a mug of bovril to calm his nerves before a show.

as of 2021 in promotional vids we learn that dennis and robert now live together.

max bennett:

in TPTGW bio it says he was a first year studying human geography and crime which i was surprised about but sure okay. it also says here that he happily donated “a large portion of his recent inheritance” to the society to help fund it.

at the bottom of TPTGW’s cast page it states that the west end performance of the play is “made possible by a generous legacy from claude bennett” who’s presumably max’s grandfather? or just father? idk

his TPTGW bio also says his favourite movie is the legend of bagger vance which i’ve never seen but is apparently a will smith golf movie.

his hobbies as listed in his PPGW bio are chess, cooking & hanging out with friends and fam. he also dedicates his performance in PPGW to his grandma claire, which is sweet.

annie twilloil:

as of TPTGW she’s designed, built, painted, costumed & stage managed every cornley show for the past 3 years. in the PPGW bio, it states she’s studying cognitive behavioural therapy and pottery, and has taken up life drawing at the student’s union (as the model.)

after haversham, she apparently had an internship lined up at the bolton octagon.

she has WILD backstory in her PPGW bio that says she dedicated her performance to her estranged husband julian who she hoped was in the audiance and two children frangipani and ylang-ylang. not sure if the kids are with her or with the husband but either way, wild. nuts. pretty funny but also pretty tragic.

she’s also got an ad out looking for a new bloke (i suppose if her husband isn’t in the audience) apparently she’s been left by boyfriends previously for an air hostess, a stripper, and a coal miner.

she also enjoys knitting and playing the banjolin (an instrument she made herself.) her email address is [email protected].

she has a twitter account that again hasnt been used since 2017 (@annietwiloil). a couple tweets chronicle dave hearn’s shoulder dislocation but as max so i guess its canon that max also dislocated his shoulder, but he did it while trying to open a twix? lmao

sandra wilkinson:

in her TPTGW bio it states that haversham manor is her 11th production with the company. idk how frequently they put on shows.

she won some kind of local kids beauty pageant in 1998 and did some modelling for a local restaurant (the sunam balti house, which apparently the cornley crew frequent? or have at least been to - seems they struggled with spicyness levels there, especially dennis.)

nothing on her course at the university, i might just take a stab and assume she was actually doing acting, since her bio is mostly about her being a performer.

she’s a big fan of jeremy irvine, they mention him in both of her bios.

jonathan harris:

is a total health & fitness guy. his course at the uni is in physical education and he’s also a model, though who’s to say what for. in PPGW this is expanded and he’s moved on to being a combo model/actor/photographer/lifecoach.

he loves his outdoor sports: mountain biking & kayaking are noted.

he had a bath salts advert out and he hoped it was gonna go national.

lucy grove:

her surname IS grove! i wasn’t sure, but that’s confirmed. not really much about her in there, because the bio is written by robert and he just used it to gas himelf up.

can’t tell if she’s a student at the university or just in the society through robert. genuinely there’s just not a lot to go on when it comes to lucy.

another note is that the murder at haversham manor and the version of peter pan that the cornley crew perform are both written by ‘susie h. k. brideswell’ who i guess either chris knows or chris is a big fan of?

other notes... they try so hard to make out like the characters aren't all the same age like implying that robert is genuinely older than most of them etc etc but ofc the cast featured in the TV broadcasts are all visibly the same age... ofc all this is just comedy innit so you can take it or leave it

also i realised that the american version of TPTGW calls it “the cornley university drama society” since i guess you guys dont have polytechnics over there. a polytechnic is like... a university that offers the arts (among the classics you know science law what have you) basically. by 2021 in promotional videos etc. shields in character as chris has dropped “polytechnic” altogether from the group’s name (but varies between calling it ‘the cornley drama society’ and ‘the cornley amateur dramatics society’) i assume to reflect how much time has passed since the group put on their first production under chris’ leadership - and that now they’re simply operating unattached to the university because they’ve become a real family. love love love, sillyness and love.

#mischief theatre #the play that goes wrong #peter pan goes wrong

[t0bey]

Unpopular Opinion, but, while I think Leon should take baseball more seriously, I do kinda dislike the idea of him doing it just because a, let's be honest, flawed system decided he was talented at baseball and now had to revolve his entire life around it, without having any other passions or life goals. Do not get me wrong of course, I know he mainly wanted to become a musician to look cool and gain attention, but it seemed like he genuinely liked music to an extent and, if he really didn't want to go through all the hard work to become some famous rockstar, he could've started a simple indie band or at least become a cover artist on YouTube or something, instead of giving up something he actually seemed to kinda enjoy altogether for baseball. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Overall, I just think the Ultimate students should do what makes them happy (even if they're fictional lmao).

at the end of the day i just think the writers never really wrote about him and his struggle deciding what path to pursue to be a really complex issue with him. he’s not particularly ambitious despite talking himself up and he at least, by the end of his UTDP, recognized that he probably isn’t interested in taking music seriously as someone like sayaka or ibuki is, and realizes he actually does like baseball without the pressure of changing how he looks or acts. so in a way its some sort of character development?

#ask #anon

[gracedcoup]

I’m sure this has been done already but w/e lmao? I just wanna talk real quick about the angel outfits, and especially the recurring symbol in them that I’ve been jokingly referring to as the celestial branch

The symbol appears to be a sprig/branch of some sort. If I had to guess, I would assume that it’s meant to be a stylized olive branch, which is often used to symbolize peace. Olive branches also have a notable role in early Christian art, with a dove carrying an olive branch being a recurring motif symbolizing peace/the end of a struggle.

The symbol appears twice in both Simeon and Luke’s outfits. For Simeon, it appears once on his chest (as some sort of accessory?) and once worked into his shawl/cloak thing. For Luke, it appears as an accessory on his cravat and multiple times embroidered on the end of his scarves(?). Both designs also make liberal use of diamond/sparkle shapes and tassels, which we can assume are meant to be seen as other recurring motifs in angel apparel.

While looking at the brothers’ outfits, though, I noticed that not all of them incorporate the symbol. Going through the list, we have:

Lucifer – The branch is displayed prominently at the collar of his shirt, much like a tie. The shape of his shirt (tunic?) also appears to echo the design, and multiple diamond shapes show up in the spines of his peacock feather shoulder armor. His belt has two large tassels on it (and seems to mirror the placement of his casual outfit’s weird rope belt), and there are 2 double-diamond shape accessories hanging off the very bottom of his shirt.

Mammon – Does not appear to have the symbol in his outfit at all, though his legwear has a copious amount of diamond shapes and tassels. He has a necklace with three irregular diamond shapes that better resemble the ones in his demon form outfit. Also not to get off-topic but are we really not gonna talk about how this man is wearing thigh-high leg warmers im so–

Leviathan – The symbol appears as an accessory on his chest, a lil under his collar. Diamond and sparkle shapes appear repeatedly down the central strip of his shirt, and the strip ends with an inverted version of the pattern we see around the throat of Simeon’s shirt. Diamond shapes also show up on the embroidery on his chest, which I would wager are meant to bring to mind squid tentacles since Leviathan is our aquatic boy.

Satan – Satan’s outfit appears to mimic Lucifer’s to an extent, as the symbol appears both on his collar and as an echo in the design of his shirt. Both also wear heeled shoes and have feathers as a prominent part of their design. Additionally, Satan wears a belt in the same orientation as Lucifer, though it has a chain instead of tassels. A similar chain design appears in Simeon’s outfit, acting as the connector/clasp on his shawl/cloak thing. Seriously WHAT are these outfits, how am I supposed to describe these pieces,

Asmodeus – The symbol appears twice at the ends of the strips attached to the top part of his dress, though one has an extra set of “leaves” on it. Diamond shapes appear repeatedly in his chest accessories, and the top part of his dress is arranged so as to create a diamond shape. The bottom of his dress is cut so as to resemble feathers, but the feather usage here is more subtle than in Lucifer and Satan’s outfits.

Beelzebub – The symbol appears on his chest, worked into his heavy necklaces. Multiple diamond shapes appear on his legwear, with 3 being on his belt, 7 being accessories hanging from a weird offbranch of his belt, and at least 3 displayed on the outer sides of each pant leg. Beneath the diamonds on his outer pant legs is a curvy design that seems to show up at the center of Asmodeus’ dress top as well. His pants also have tassels at the bottom.

Belphegor – Also doesn’t seem to have the symbol in his outfit at all, but incorporates more diamond/sparkle shapes than any of his brothers. This is likely due to his association with nighttime, since his whole thing is sloth and being asleep. Multiple diamond/sparkle shapes appear on his pants, two appear both on an anklet and as accessories dangling off the end of his cape, and his shirt is designed to create a diamond shape on his chest. Exaggerated sparkle shapes line his top, which adds to the starry look.

Altogether, only Mammon and Belphegor’s outfits lack the celestial branch, unless the symbol is only visible from the back- or side-view (which we don’t have access to). Its appearance in Satan’s outfit, despite him never being an angel, could be contributed to his connection to Lucifer.

Does the lack of the celestial branch in Mammon and Belphegor’s outfits mean anything? Probably not! But it’s kind of a weird inconsistency when literally every other angel character has it incorporated into their outfit, y’know?

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me meta #angel event #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor #simeon #luke #little d no. 2 speaks #I guess this counts as meta?? #this is basically me just going 'but what does it MEAN'

[bestworstcase]

To be honest tts had many characters who had their emotional and mental trauma handled horribly, they deserve better exploration on how they healed and what they went through. Tangled The Movie did a better job of handling these mature themes but why couldn’t tts?

ok so tbh i don’t agree ajklsdlkjf

like! ok to start with. tangled (2010) is kind of interesting to me in this regard because it does such a good job illustrating gothel’s emotional abuse and the harm it does to rapunzel but it - like, at the end of the day It Is A Disney Film. it spends almost all of its running time meticulously building up this very complicated emotional trauma for rapunzel, and then the resolution is like—BOOM!—she has a tearful reunion with her parents and they pull her boyfriend into a group hug, cue ending narration about how they got married and ruled corona and lived happily ever after. to me tangled (2010) feels like it runs off a cliff at the last minute because. lmao. 

leaving an abusive parent is the easy part.

which is not to say that it’s easy! but once you hit that emotional point of “i cannot have you in my life anymore” and cut them out... now you have a heap of maladaptive coping mechanisms and psychological scars and inherited behaviors that you have to deal with. you can’t just *flaps hands* cut off your abusive mother and skip off into the sunset with your long lost real family and new boyfriend whom you met three days ago and everything’s gravy. kskjdfjk it doesn’t work like that!

tts on the other hand - absolutely, there were clear limitations on how far they were able to go, and absolutely the plot-driven writing was a less than ideal vehicle for telling a story about recovery-from-trauma. but also like fundamentally tts is a story that is interested in recovery from trauma in a way that i don’t think tangled (2010) was. rapunzel has nightmarish flashbacks to gothel in s1, struggles because of her sheltered upbringing, expresses behaviors that she clearly learned from gothel and internalized as normal, flounders when she is handed responsibility because she is not used to making her own choices, and has complicated, messy feelings about her tower and gothel herself! there is a whole episode dedicated to exploring rapunzel’s ambivalent feelings about her new life in corona through the lens of her suddenly-fraught relationship with pascal. one of the emotional linchpins of the entire show is the moment in RATGT where rapunzel screams “enough, cassandra!” in a direct parallel to the way gothel yelled at her in the film, and while tts ultimately shied away from exploring that on rapunzel’s end, we got multiple episodes following up on how badly this damaged cassandra, eventually culminating in her villain arc in s3. 

likewise with cassandra - tts devotes two whole seasons to meticulously building up cassandra’s very complicated trauma, then allows her a whole season in which to have a messy, anguished, enraged breakdown because of it—and then her happy ending is *leaving behind* the toxic situation she was trapped in in corona to venture into the unknown and figure herself out, which is imo a lot more in scale and realistic than rapunzel’s happy ending in tangled (2010). 

likewise with varian - in QFaD he is badly traumatized, and the remainder of s1 examines how the failure of his would-be support network to actually support him leads to his continued downward spiral and eventual violent breakdown; when he is punished for this that explicitly makes everything worse both for him and for everyone else, and after his redemption he features as a deuteragonist in what is essentially ptsd flashbacks: the episode. etc. 

so my overall impression of the many places where tts *failed* to adequately examine characters’ trauma is very strongly that - they wanted to and they were capable of doing so, but there were disney executives going no, that’s too heavy, that’s too dark, you can’t portray the disney princess with serious deeply-entrenched flaws, you can’t have the disney princess be the one who’s in the wrong in her interpersonal conflicts, blah blah blah. s3 in particular just reeks to me of executive meddling and executive sanitizing of the intended plot. i’m honestly shocked that tts got away with going as far as they did, especially with rapunzel’s and cassandra’s childhood traumas, because frankly it spits in the face of the squeaky clean happily ever after Disney Princess Brand aljsdjfk. 

(also as an aside - one’s personal reading of the text is imo a big deciding factor in how unsatisfying the handling of trauma is, bc - i think there is a tendency in some areas of the fandom that are centered around varian and/or eugene for fans to go “they should be more traumatized than they are and it’s bad writing that they’re not broody and angsty about xyz” and like - 

the impression i have from being on the sidelines of this discourse is a lot of people have one specific model in their heads of what “trauma” looks like and that model is essentially “miserable and brooding and needing to be comforted” so when we get things like eugene coping with awful shit by cracking jokes about it or not having ptsd flashbacks to gothel stabbing him that gets interpreted as the narrative not taking him seriously as a character, whereas to me it reads as “eugene is a psychologically stable person who has the emotional resilience to cope with horrible events relatively unscathed”—

or this vibe of varian isn’t brooding and angsting all the time so obviously tts is ignoring his trauma, when my reading of him overall is that he’s the kind of person who deals with trauma by throwing himself into work that makes him feel better - like in CR he’s working in the demanitus chamber, surrounded by amber, but he’s doing dumb chemistry experiments he enjoys and over time that’s gotten him to a place where being around the amber is no longer triggering for him, he’s healed enough to have conquered most of that fear.

and obviously all of this is a matter of interpretation and this is not to say that, like, fans who wanted more of a raw exploration of these characters’ fear and sadness and struggle with trauma are wrong or like invalid for wanting that, it’s more - like, i personally choose to take the text more at face value and interpret the behaviors i see on screen as telling me something about how the character responds to trauma instead of as the narrative ignoring that they have trauma altogether. which leads me to “eugene is emotionally resilient and humor is a key feature of his resilience” and “varian copes by working on stuff that is intellectually engaging or just makes him happy in order to tackle his fears head-on” and so forth. and one consequence of that is i don’t really walk away from the text feeling unsatisfied with the way tts handled its character traumas, except insofar as i’m like “wow i wish disney had let them go even farther!”)

#rta #tts #Anonymous