#just bc i think he um. i think he has enough self hatred for that lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vampsquerade · 2 years

Note

Idk if it sent the first time so I’m trying again lol

Can we get a Bandit/Reader fic where the reader comforts him after one of his nightmares about his time undercover? I think he deserves someone to love and care for him <:3

thank the stars you tried a second time bc there was nothing for bandit in my inbox until you sent this in. thank you for requesting tho! i love bandit’s backstory a lot, so getting to write something like this has always been on my to-do list ^-^

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Bandit x Reader: Night Terrors

Trigger Warnings: angst with a happy ending, night terrors, self-hatred, comfort/hurt, mentions of a notorious biker gang, death

Night terrors were no new thing to Dominic, as he felt he had some sick deal with the Devil after he gave up a part of his soul to stay safe while undercover. The amount of things he did and had to do were the worst you could imagine, and he absolutely hated it. He wished he could make the flooding of those awful memories he sometimes got randomly in the night stop, but he knew he would never get that chance. And once he started dating you, it felt like they only ever got worse and worse. Dominic would always refuse to cuddle you or fall asleep next to you, as his terri’s never really stopped. It was awful, and he didn’t want you to see him like that. You were just a civilian, oblivious to the threats around them, and you never needed to learn of his past double life.

But you insisted, even crying over it because you just wanted to hold him like you had always seen other people hold their partners. And after all that, Dominic caved and decided to let you be with him in his bed for once. The German, who reinforced a wall that was already so impenetrable, let a single butterfly through. You were nuzzled up against him, gently stroking his hair and kissing his neck. Dominic sighed softly, closing his eyes a bit as he began to feel a bit drowsy. “Hey, Dominic?” you ask softly. Regaining his attention, he opened his eyes to look at you, “What is it?” he asked sharply. “Um…I love you…” you say softly. That was the first time either of you ever said those three words to one another at all, and it warmed Dominic’s uneasy heart. He just gave you a slow nod, before then falling asleep.

Dominic, at first, wasn’t restless. His dream, or possible night terror, wasn’t so bad just yet. He saw himself walking down the streets where the Hannover Chapter of the Hells Angels usually met, and he looked down at himself. Dominic was fully dressed in the same attire he usually wore when he was with them, and now he was convinced he was just reliving a memory in his dreamscape. As he walked further and further down the street, he turned to walk into an alleyway and met up with them. It was once he turned the corner where Dominic realized the memory he was currently living.

Dominic was about to kill a man that tried to stop an operation they were doing in the city.

The man in front of him was covered in his own blood, wheezing softly as they held him up. “Finally you’re here! Took you fucking long enough, now hurry up and put this man out of his misery.” one of the men holding him up said. Dominic nodded and walked over to a table nearby, grabbing a gun and loading it. The bloodied man began wheezing more, panicking as he was about to have his life abruptly taken from him by a man who was only doing it to take down this whole operation. Dominic then stood right in front of the man and aimed the pistol right at his face. “P-Please…” the man whimpered, staring up at him with his one good eye.

Dominic sighed and just shook his head, staring down at the man. Though his face was stone cold, his eyes held a pitiful warmth that he’d hoped would guide the man to wherever he would end up. He then clicked off the safety, causing the man to struggle more, then pulled the trigger. Upon the sound of the gunshot ringing out, Dominic woke up and sat up quickly. He put a hand to his chest, panting heavily as he needed to feel like he was himself in his current state. He turned to his side and then saw you staring at him with a worried expression on your face. “Dominic…” you say softly. “I-I’m sorry…I told you this was a bad idea…” Dominic said.

He got himself out of bed and walked towards the kitchen, with you following right behind him. “Dominic, you need to tell me what’s wrong…what did you see in your dreams..?” you ask, grabbing his wrist tightly enough to get him to stop walking, but gently enough to where it was more reassuring. “I…before I joined Rainbow, I was undercover in 2010. I did terrible things in my time, and sure, it got me where I am now, but I wish I never did those things.” Dominic said. “What kind of things..?” you ask softly. “ Anything terrible you could think of, I did most of it.”

Your eyes went wide, but not out of fear, out of pure shock. Dominic was in an organization where that was something he had ti do against enemy forces. But against innocent civilians? You couldn’t even begin to imagine the horrors that plagues his mind. You always had a feeling that the slight goofiness he put up was just a front, and you seemingly found yourself being the one thing that broke through. “You can break up with me if you want, it’s fine…” Dominic suddenly said, breaking the silence between you two. “Dom,” you say, now gently bringing him in for a hug, “I’m not breaking up with you over keeping that a secret. You were doing it to protect me, and I can understand that. But you can’t just bottle your emotions away. We’re partners, we should always be able to tell each other how we’re feeling. I’m not leaving you.”

Dominic sighed, holding onto you tightly. He was shaking like a leaf, terrified of opening up to you about the amount of things he did. “You don’t need to tell me now, but you can tell me when you’re ready. I love you, Dominic.” you reassure, gently rubbing circles into his back. “I love you too, Y/N…I’m so sorry…” he apologized. “Don’t be sorry, you don’t have any reason to be. I would have wished you told me sooner, but things take their time. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me.” you say. Dominic pulled away from your embrace, giving you a confused look, “But why?” he asked. “I was the one who insisted on sleeping next to you.” you say bluntly.

Dominic’s expression softened, bringing a hand up to gently caress your face, “Liebling, don’t worry about all that…you just wanted to spend more time with me a bit more intimately. I should have at least tried a bit more, rather than push you away.” he said. “I just…feel bad about it. Maybe I should’ve been a bit gentler…” you say sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck. “Well…let me just drink some water before we go back to bed.” Dominic said, now walking away from you so he could get a glass of water. “If you wake up again, please be sure to wake me up as well. I want to help calm you down and comfort you when you have another night terror.” you say.

Dominic gave you a smile after drinking some water, cleaning his cup before then going and giving you a kiss on the forehead. You smiled, and the two of you went back to his room to sleep. Going under the sheets together, you had Dominic actually be the little spoon for once, and gently helped put him to sleep with words of reassurance and kisses. “Ich liebe dich…” Dominic mumbled sleepily. You let out a soft laugh, smiling, “I love you too.” you say, kissing the back of his neck before you both drifted off to sleep.

#r6s #rainbow six siege #r6s x reader #rainbow six siege x reader #r6s bandit #dominic brunsmeier #bandit x reader #angst #angst fic #comfort/hurt #angst with a happy ending #fluff

30 notes · View notes

matrose · 2 years

Note

Wait but I wanna hear the unpopular (but correct) opinions about LotR! (No worries if you genuinely don't want to share!)

hi anon!! 😙 thank you for asking 💐🌷💕☺️SADLY most of my opinions are just a response to some take i saw on my pinterest explore page that i personally didnt agree with… im gonna put it under the cut so if this ends up in any tag i wont spam anyone bc its not like different interpretations of characters/text do any harm etc etc its gonna be a long, incoherent rant, without any formatting since im on mobile, so, um watch out :,) also please dont reblog

i really really dislike what feels like majority of the interpretation of the legolas/gimli relationship, like the way people portray them is sooo weird…the constant mutual antagonizing and the focus on bickering!!!! its another movie adaptation thing, because those removed most, if not all tenderness from them (the miniscule gay budget got used up for sam & frodo i guess). the appeal of gimli and legolas is not that they bicker the appeal is that they love eachother so much despite the general tensions between their peoples (although im not a fan of those tensions being overplayed for dramatics) and despite erus prophecy that there would always be conflict between elves and dwarves!!!!!!!!!!

i dislike the common fanon/movie portrayal of gimli but i think ive actually talked enough about that so im gonna talk about legolas because i also disagree with the common interpretations his character seems to find, although it doesnt bother me as much as with gimli, mostly because people still think hes cool. ANYWAYS! i think painting legolas as super hair- and beauty-obsessed (to the point of it bordering on homophobia) was luckily mostly left in the past, though pinterest still bombards me with bad memes, but i still really hate it 😒 another common thing ive seen, thats also more current, is legolas as an idiot who eats bugs or whatever which IS more fun than the first one and also closer to his book-self but i still dislike it simply because i hate when a happy/optimistic character gets headcanoned as being stupid…its unappealing and boring and i dont think its implied anywhere that legolas is exceptionally dumb :( i do like weird kid legolas a lot though hes special to me <3.

anyways since were on the topic of legolas lets talk about his family since thats another fandom/HOBBIT MOVIES favorite to distort! legolas mother is very very likely a silvan elf and very likely not dead in my opinion . i personally think silvan elves are neutral/if not positively inclined towards dwarves 👍 dont like the common fanon of extreme hatred that was taught to legolas by his parents and also dont dont dont like fanon thranduil & everything the hobbit movies made him out to be!!!!!!! i dont doubt that thranduil had some ill will towards dwarves since the whole thingol slaying and doriath thing… but thranduil is canonically a very good king and very kind, and i dont think he would let a grudge against a specific dwarf clan define his relations to a neighbouring kingdom that doesnt even belong to the same clan!!! someone who kept his kingdom save and out of trouble for so long and also has the closest relations to their neighbouring kingdom of men out of all the elven realms would be better than that and atleast be neutral and not hostile sorry this wasnt meant to be about the hobbit movies but i could go ON a out them i cant see legolas in those without laughing at him dear god. the implication that legolas, who supposedly hated dwarves, shared a horse with gimli and then was a changed man is very funny though.

also, since im going off on a tangent anyways, i think mîm didnt do anything wrong and also thingol and the dwarven smiths were both at fault for the conflict. sorry for the dwarf bias but someone has to be on their side because i still see too many people hating on them

back to lotr: i think blond blue eyed legolas is boring, i hate what they did to elrond and boromir in the movies, i think saruman and sauron being basically brothers is a very funny interpretation that we should talk about more and i hateee almost all modern lotr aus because its hars to replicaze into modern world and also aragorn would NOT be a CEO!!!!!!!!!! a good king in tolkienverse is benevolent and puts his subjects first and he is a healer. (and this idolized king figure is, of course, not historically accurate) a CEO IS NOT THE MODERN EQUIVALENT TO THAT!!!!!!! modern aragorn either sells weed, is a nurse, or a mailman more i will not say on this matter. also i hate when modern aus cut everyones hair/beard. stop!!!!!! this reminds me of the one time i saw like a college au on pinterest and it was like. gimli and legolas are forced to be roommates and legolas is disgusted by gimli being sooo dirty… HELLO? you people exhaust me………… restraining myself to go on another gimli tirade because i feel like ive done that so much and all my followers will know whats up you guys get me right yeah yeah yeah

oh about legolas and gimli/mirkwood and erebor again, sorry im a one trick pony, i think that both thranduil & unnamed wife as well as gloin & unnamed wife love their kids too much to truly oppose them being together. gloin may be hotheaded but hes not stubborn enough to not ever back down, see the council of elrond: hes mad, rightfully so, to find out that a servant of mordor was apprentely treated better as a prisoner than thorin & company but seeing as the responsible party, thranduil, is not even there, and how theres very important business to discuss he quickly backs down and even bows to legolas as an apology!!!!

[„You were less tender to me,“ said Glóin with a flash of his eyes, as old memories were stirred of his imprisonment in the deep places of the Elven-king’s halls. „Now come!“ said Gandalf. „Pray, do not interrupt, my good Glóin. That was a regrettable misunderstanding, long set right. If all the grievances that stand between Elves and Dwarves are to be brought up here, we may as well abandon this Council.“ Glóin rose and bowed, and Legolas continued.]

i tried to find out if we know how long exactly the dwarves were imprisoned, and it seems it was about 20 days, while gollum was there for around 90 days, so perhaps they would have let the dwarves get some fresh hair eventually as well . not that gloin wasnt rightfully angry, he was! and still very gracious about it . love gloin hes great

also TRUE unpopular opinion incoming: im neutral on sam/frodo…its cute yes but i dont have any big thoughts about them and i think sam and rosie are very sweet :^) but also i dont trust people who completely dislike it esp cishets…. legolas and gimli are basically canon to me like they did that. okay ready for another TRUE AND REAL unpopular opinion. i think faramir is kind of boring and i dont care much for him, sorry ❤️‍🩹

ok i think im done for now!!! phew!! anon thank you again because this helped me pass like an hour of my very long train ride!!!! <3333

#im open to discussion though and would love to hesr everyones opinions….#ITS SO LONG IM SORRY

18 notes · View notes

transsexualhamlet · 3 years

Text

asmr i psychoanalyze my favorite war criminal, aka calling out norman the essay

basically all of my thoughts on norman on one callout post because i care him (both manga and anime are discussed)

LINK TO RAY PSYCHOANALYSIS: https://chaoticgaymess.tumblr.com/post/646749875570196480/ray-81194-the-long-explanation

this is going to be ungodly long so here’s a keep reading, essay below the cut

((tw for suicidal ideation and self harm, brief discussion of eating disorders))

Disclaimer: no shipping is included here this is just about norman also they’re kids who call each other siblings

Thoughts: So you may be thinking, Rowan, why do you yell about the colorless war criminal so often? Well the answer lies in your honor the court hates to see a girlboss winning. Norman is a girlboss :) Yes norman is a tiny twink who can't lift a milk jug. And he is a girlboss :) Obviously I don't condone, um, eugenics and all, but that's not the point the point is that he satisfies my need for more characters like Levi motherfucking Calder from Unwind because I’m apparently an edgy 13 year old. Also all of his problems are violently things I can fix and I keep him around as a pet project because someone needs to give him a hug and slap him on the face

I diagnose him with things:

-pisces man :pensive:

-is he albino? Not literally. Is his skin so pale he would catch fire if he went outside at noon? Yes.

-autism: Yes I’m aware that calling him autistic makes him, problematic rep by perpetuating the autism unfeeling savant stereotype whatever but have you considered i’m autistic and I’m projecting also he’s L with standards? Anyway traits of AuTism he has: hyper fixation, canonically breaks and fixes things over and over because like ofc he does, doesn’t understand Emotion, hyperaware of body language at the same time as it all somehow flying over his head, low empathy, sensory experiences™, min maxed in certain areas, and I don’t think he’s got social interaction quite right? There’s something off about it

-gifted kid (derogatory) This is self explanatory but basically him being the smartest and the best in a competitive environment caused most of his issues, such as the perfectionism, the need to succeed, the lack of self esteem and ridiculously high expectations on himself, giving himself no breaks or time to relax, the “i must be productive with every second of my day or i will die” deal, the “peaked at 11” thing, the way in which he goes through life like there’s going to be a fucking test on it

-Eldest Daughter™ lmao. Norman’s always had to be mature, he’s always had to be the best, he’s always had to do the things Ray got out of bc he’s a snitch and Emma got out of because Isabella likes her. Norman gets respect from Isabella only if he excels, and her bar for him is astronomical. He doesn’t have the Mommy Issues that Ray has, but it’s because for him Isabella basically just reflected his expectations on himself, whereas with Ray it was more personal.

-low empathy (part of the autism thing): this one needs more explanation, but it’s not a bad thing in and of itself. Cognitive empathy is a thing and he can use it, but he does not instinctively understand other people’s emotions, or even recognize them properly, especially when the person is not like himself. This is obvious in Emma. Man has no fucking clue what’s going on in her head or why she does what she does, but he can predict what she will do in any given situation very well. He could understand the suicide attempt from ray he predicted more because Ray’s an easier equation to solve, and someone who’s more similar to him. I know he gets it because, well, motherfucker’s just as self desctructive as him, just in a more dignified manner.

-he’s got some sort of chronic illness. This is also me projecting and a headcanon but he’s got something going on, even before lambda pumped him full of growth hormones or whatever which they maybe should have Not Done but oh well. (I assume this just didn’t happen in the anime, since he’s still so fucking short) But he's So weak. He passed out when it was too hot. He passed out when it was too cold. He can’t open a pickle jar. His skin is too pale and he’s skinny af. He’s much more prone to sickness and probably has asthma too? But in the case that he did actually have something going on, I don’t think grace field would see the need to treat it, if it didn’t impact the quality of his meat? Isabella’s probably just “you have chronic pain and you get migraines? Great, take some tylenol and do some calculus.” Can’t say that probably helped anything.

personality type: ISTJ

Basically, he’s the most boring personality type to exist, and personally as an enfp i do not respect him. But basically this means he’s a fucking nerd that gets his projects done for school the day they’re assigned, is probably the president of the Anime Student Council™, and could probably get away with premeditated murder (ok actual istjs this is a joke don’t skin me)

The only trait that norman doesn’t have on the istj thing is telling the truth. Yeah, he values the truth, but like, that doesn’t apply to him, clearly. Bitch is a notorious liar.

The only other personality type he has any similarity with is intj, which is the same except it’s more rare and a purple theme instead of a blue theme. Sadly, that’s not him though, because although he can care more about some kinds of philosophy overall this isn’t the case and ray already occupies this personality type tbh.

strengths and weaknesses: This one’s kind of obvious, but he is aside from the crazy insane intelligence good at planning. Extremely good at planning. He can predict any outcome and figure out how to prevent it, using all his resources. For example he’s physically weak and someone could literally just walk up and stab him, but it doesn’t impede his progress on his goals because he’s surrounded himself with strong, mentally inferior people who would die for him in a heartbeat. He never gets stuck in some “everything is shit and i can’t do anything” deal like Emma and Ray do, he always works through it and has confidence in his abilities (in as much as he will solve the problem or die™. Weaknesses other than his twink body include his Low Wisdom score. It’s funny how he’s often associated with an owl, the mans is 14. He thinks he knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t. Plus obviously his fundamental misunderstanding of so much of everything going on around him, the fact that he lies not just to the world but himself, his refusal to take care of himself and his incredible cowardice. His achilles heel is being forced to, actually confront his actions.

what he likes about himself: He does pride himself on his mental abilities, and his judgement, which in his opinion is the only correct opinion and the only correct way. In the past, he likes being seen as a leader, he likes being responsible for other people. He likes his ability to manipulate and lie, because he sees it as an asset, and I honestly think he enjoys being william minerva more than he enjoys being Norman. He prides himself on his unhealthy expectations and the fact that he is able to meet them. Honestly, he does think he’s better than everyone else, mentally, though it’s humbled by his self hatred. Cursed thought: If Norman had self esteem he would be light yagami.

what he doesn’t like about himself/insecurities: Oh god, nearly everything. His appearance, his status, his superiority, his physical inability, his own mess of a mind, also have I mentioned his appearance. He’s obsessed with self control. He wants everything he sees wrong with himself gone. And I understand why having control of everything is necessary and appealing, everything for him has always been rigid and planned out from moment one, he was even more regulated in lambda, and though he desperately wants to Not Be Food, he has no idea what to do with the chains now that he’s broken out of them. So he just wraps them around himself. Regulates to an unhealthy degree when he sleeps, what he eats, when he actually takes even minimal care of his own problems, what he looks like, how much of himself he lets show, the expressions on his face, the literal thoughts inside his own head he will shut down if they are not Correct. It’s literal self harm. Norman, please stop it.

motivations/goals in life/general philosophy: To be honest, I’m not sure he knows what he wants. He sure thinks he does, he could sure give you a memorized answer, but it means nothing. He wants to excel. He wants Emma to be happy. He wants to be perfect and for that to make everything perfect. But he doesn’t realize everything he’s working towards will do pretty much the opposite of that. He’s a crippling perfectionist, and pretty much everything he does is motivated by his fear of failing. He picks the certain path, he doesn’t wait for anyone else, he doesn’t care if it’s not nice. Emma foils that a most of the time because he cares about her, but it can only go so far, especially after he’s had so much time without her to develop a Complex. His philosophy is very contradictory, basically the tokyo ghoul “everything bad that happens to you stems from a lack of ability”. All of his problems are his fault. All the world’s problems are his to fix. If he can’t fix them, it’s his fault, it’s because he wasn’t strong enough, and not being perfect condemns someone forever, including himself.

how he’s perceived by others vs how he actually is: In most people there wouldn’t truly be much of a difference, but with Norman things are different, because, well, most of his personality in grace field is a put on, as well as the tough guy dictator thing he radiates after lambda. How he appears to someone is determined by the context of their meeting- the kids at grace field see him as a nerdy, weakish, pretty boring kid who is really caring and kind. The researchers at lambda see an obedient, beaten down and perfectionistic boy. The lambda kids see him as an infallible leader, ruthless and genius, a good man who knows what’s right. But in truth none of that is him. It’s a fucking chess game to him, putting on different faces, lying and pretending and treating everyone differently. In truth? He’s a fucking coward. He’s scared out of his mind and he’s tired and he can’t take pain, he’s obsessed with reaching some goal he deems is necessary that in the end is going to be his death because he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions. He’s taken on the role of someone evil, though deep down he’s not, he feels it’s easier to live that way because it strips him of his conscience.

interpersonal relationships: In general, Norman sees all relationships in a pretty dim light. He sees everyone as black and white, for the most part, and other people make no sense to him intuitively, he has to figure them out like a puzzle. He’s manipulative and not particularly kind, but he follows all societal expectations to a T, overly focused on his appearance and placing the person he’s interacting with into a Category™. So he can be truly kind, to people he feels deserve it, to people who he values and doesn’t see flaws in. He gets incredibly attached to people he loves, protective, though he often doesn’t take their own feelings on the matter into consideration, and he’s ruthless with anyone who he deems a bad person. With people he understands and relates to, though, things can be different. If he sees someone as like himself, he will drop all the social interaction police bullshit and cut to the chase of whatever he wants or needs from them, and he’s not very forgiving in any manner, if he thinks what someone did is actually bad.

Emma: Norman obviously cares a lot about Emma, and honestly views her as better than anyone else. He realizes her moral integrity and all of the things she has and he doesn’t, and admires it. Because of his black and white view, Emma is like an angel to him. She couldn’t do anything wrong if she tried. But he comes to treat her as something to be protected instead of respected, and although he realizes she wouldn’t like what he’s doing, he fundamentally cannot empathize with her and doesn’t try to understand her. Their personalities are very literally opposite. Norman really needs to fucking listen to her. And Emma needs to understand that Norman doesn’t have a single ounce of empathy and you really do need to spell it out for him. Emma can only convince him when she has logical reasons for her actions, which she, doesn’t often have. And Emma gave Norman too much slack, because she didn’t see past the surface, and Ray never wanted to warn her, even though he knew the dude was showing a bunch of red flags, because you know. It was kind of an unspoken deal between them. (on ray’s part)

Ray: His relationship with Ray is a lot more complicated than with Emma. He understands Ray, where he doesn’t understand Emma, and he can see right through anything Ray does. And this makes things really tense between them, because Ray doesn’t, take kindly to being psychoanalyzed. If someone perceives him he will deck them and Norman is just there silently perceiving him at all times when Emma doesn’t see it. They are both constantly in competition with each other, but they care about each other a lot, though it’s kind of in a derogatory way. They both recognize each other as fundamentally fucked up, and silently agree never to bring it up with Emma. They’re nice to each other when she’s around, but all pretenses disappear when she’s gone. Ray is always frustrated with Norman, because Norman’s never been intimidated by him, and though he tries his best not to be vulnerable around him, Norman can always see through it, whereas Ray can’t crack Norman’s fake fucking smile no matter what he does. Norman will always take Emma’s side, and doesn’t see Ray as a good person at all, but he still understands and can excuse him, he takes measures to be… worse than Ray, which is better in his mind, because it’s rational, and ‘not selfish’.

Isabella: She has always had ridiculously high expectations for Norman, and treats him kind of harshly compared to the others. Bitch has heat stroke and Isabella’s first question is a calculus problem instead of like, “are you ok”. She knows he doesn’t complain about anything ever and she doesn’t stop him from being Terrible to himself, because it makes her job easier. They want smart kids, not mentally adjusted kids. She does really care for all of them, but she basically overrides it, she gives them what they want, not what they need, lets them be exactly what they’re making themselves. Isabella is distant with Ray but gives him anything he wants, she’s close and super nice with Emma, but Norman is… it’s weird. Isabella is proud of him because he meets her astronomically high bar. But at the same time, Norman never really cared for her that much and has never pretended to. Once they discover The Thing, though, he has a revelation, and it doesn’t take him long to switch his entire perspective about her. He’s pretty much like. Oh. She’s like me. That explains it, time to treat her like I treat myself: fucking brutally. Passive aggressive as hell. The kind of energy the :) emoticon at the end of an email gives. He does like just go “yeah we should kill her” at one point, which. You know, ok. When he got shipped out it was hhhh really interesting because Isabella knew full well he knew he was walking to his death and Norman was like “are you Truly Happy?” and just went :) and she was like h u h and tried to get him to talk while they were walking there because she feels Bad about it and he just. Did not. He didn’t say a single word just kind of smiled menacingly at her and I think it was half a sort of rebellion and half because he viewed her as similar to himself and therefore felt no need to put up any front with her, no words were necessary for him to impart exactly how he felt about it

Lambda kids: His relationship with the lambda kids is weird and bittersweet. I think he really truly does care about them, they were in a similar situation to his and he wants them to get what they want. However it is not a healthy or beneficial relationship, they see him as a god and don’t realize that he’s killing himself to give them what they want, he’s basically adopted them when out of anyone norman’s the one that should least be in charge of kids. I think he’s honestly younger than them but I’m not sure if they even know. He acts like their fucking mom, and that’s from what he thinks mothers are like… like isabella?? Giving them what they want, not what they need, lying to them, showing a front, caring deeply for them but at the same time using them for his own ends. And it’s not helpful for him. He thinks he knows what they need, but what he’s doing is what they want. What they need is therapy,(and so does norman), and he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with using them as weapons because they love him. It makes him feel good, to be seen as perfect, to have people who don’t know how weak he really is. But it’s only making him worse, and he’s enabling everything the lambda kids are doing wrong as well. They need like, Yuugo and Lucas. Some actual adults who are actually wise and have the ability and the knowledge to take care of them and understand their mental problems and maybe actually address them. And actually be nice to them. But um sadly.

what he’s doing wrong: It’s pretty obvious, but… Norman, you maybe *shouldn’t* commit genocide? You’re not helping emma, you’re not making anything better. You’re not helping the lambda kids, you’re enabling them. You’re not helping your friends from grace field, you’re ignoring what they want. You’re not helping the world, you’re eradicating an entire race from the face of the earth and murdering the poor for the crimes of the fucking 1%. You’re not being a martyr, you’re a selfish piece of shit liar you little coward, you just want an easy way out and you want to die on your bloody fucking hill instead of admitting you’re wrong. Grow up, cringe little man.

why he went wrong: I think most of the reason this happened was the way he was raised combined with the kind of person he is. Norman would have turned out fine, if there has been good adults in his life who actually cared about his well being. Instead he got people who just wanted to control him and make him what they needed, and family who largely didn’t realize there was anything wrong. Ray being an ass to him most of forever probably didn’t help but well, that’s just Ray. Even then, he would have managed alright if he escaped with the rest of the kids because he would never have been separated from the experiences that caused the rest of them to realize demons weren’t all evil. In lambda he didn’t have anyone supporting him or telling him when things went too far, so he fell into relying on himself alone, pushing himself further with absolutely no limits. All he saw was enemies and allies, and things got stratified. He never had a lucas or a yuugo or mujika when he would have needed it, instead he found children who wanted him to be in charge and a world that made it so he had to be. Everything was an echo chamber for his worst thoughts, so they just became more and more dominant.

what he needs: To put it simply, he needs Emma and Ray to cut to the chase and slap him across the face and make him take care of himself. He needs to be forced to see everything for what it really is- this edgy 14 year old committing atrocities to feel better about himself? He needs to be told that what he’s doing is irrational, because in reality, it is. There are better solutions that he’s ignoring, both to his own suffering and the demons, and the way he’s going now no one will truly be happy because of it, that there is no requirement that things be perfect and this bullshit doesn’t make him stronger. He needs someone responsible to take the fucking dagger out of his hands. He also needs someone to babysit him and make him go to bed at a reasonable time.

i describe his personality through songs on my spotify playlist for him:

-outrunning karma by alec benjamin: this one super applies because it calls him out for making shitty decisions, being manipulative and a liar, and having blood on his hands in a very calm and subdued manner, that he knows this is wrong and yet he chooses to keep running faster and faster towards destruction, that he means to escape it through death

-empty by boyinaband and jaiden: yes this is a song about anorexia yes it also applies to norman i’m not saying norman literally has an eating disorder (but honestly it wouldn’t be far out of character if he did) but metaphorically this applies to his method of ignoring his needs, both emotional and physical, in favor of seeming in control

-toxic thoughts by faith marie: this one speaks to his gifted kid trauma. Man’s got perfectionism running his entire soul. He’s terrified of failing, because he’s always been at the very top, he’ll beat himself up over any miniscule mistake and forces himself to keep at bad habits that keep him Productive, but he won’t ask for help no matter how much he’s suffering because that would be failing, he fights with his mind, this song basically tells him “yeah i feel you but you need to stop that”

-no time to die by billie eilish: ignore the romantic overtones but this is emma and norman, emma who trusted norman and was lied to, betrayed, for norman’s greater good, and norman who refuses to feel or hurt because of it, who refuses to apologize or see himself as wrong, pushes forward because he’s going to Pass Away

-achilles come down by gang of youths: hhhhh it's like. His vibe. Obviously you can disregard the lifestyle specific shit but it's. It's achilles come down you have to understand it’s like the same deal as friend, please just like french and longer

-friend, please by 21 pilots: i feel like i don't have to explain this one but it’s more to the manga (not the anime where he kind of figures out he done did wrong by himself instead of committing unforgivable sins and still going yeah this is valid before emma is like holy fuck). He is like sorry emma I cannot fix anything I’m going to die :) *coughs blood* and emma going like stop it stop it stop it fuck you see you fucked up and i forgive you just stop don’t walk away while he’s like “no<3”

why im a repressed little norman kinnie even tho he’s my exact opposite: I don’t generally kin ppl like norman, honestly he’s an infj I have no clue how it happened but I’m pretty sure it’s because of my intense desire to project onto a little man who cannot lift a milk jug and has chronic pain and decides you know what I AM tired of being nice i DO wanna go apeshit. Also he’s a twink. A little bastard. He’s a terrible person and I go mood every time he does anything. I said mood when he fell out of a tree. Don’t know what this says about me, I swear I wouldn’t commit no genocide. He’s like the inverse of Yoichi Saotome, and somehow i kin him too. Damn.

Miscellaneous headcanons:

-man’s SO attached to his william minerva cloak. He’s a wispy little bitch, you know he’s wearing that thing inside the house, he’s fucking cold. It also makes him Look Important he can retreat into it like an emo middle schooler with an oversized sweatshirt

-although you could probably get Mad street cred from having two whole brands you know he’s not gonna whip it out and show off his lambda thing he’s incredibly self conscious and his chest hasn’t seen the sun in years

-norman’s got MAD laundry skills to be able to wear like, all white all the time while constantly murdering people. I think he’s the only one who knows to do the laundry. And Ray is the only one who knows how to cook.

-but even then there’s gotta still be a few questionable stains on that thing, but if anyone asks he’s like “ketchup” “I’ve literally never seen you eat anything with that much color” “ketchup :)” *coughs blood*

-he’s probably thought “well i have not literally coughed blood yet today so I am not legally obligated to take care of myself”

-He probably adopted much of his current personality from taking on the persona of william minerva. I’m calling him out for being like me, he’s a blank motherfucker, he absorbs personality traits from characters he plays! He’s just not in theatre so it’s a bit more intense!

-the first time he sees barbara Eating Demon Meat he kinda stares and goes oh cool! not for me and violently exits the room. Like it's hilarious bc he thinks that's really gross on a moral level though he understands why she would do it

-Which is even funnier bc I’m not sure about the canon on this but there was That Chapter Cover that one time that kinda seemed to imply norman eating demon meat which i absolutely latched onto because I’m terrible. He was just politely eating it. With a knife and fork like why dude. As to a possible reason for him doing that I can come up with, of course barbara does it out of spite, but man we don’t know the properties, if it had some sort of painkilling aspect to it or it was like, caffeine, you know he would, but he would Definitely not talk about it

-I kinda disagree with what the anime did in episode eight? It was good I liked it and the imagery was fantastic but also have you considered Norman could not kill someone with his own hands if he tried, or even physically injure them? That’s what his minions are for shawty. That doesn’t make it any less bad, of course, but the manga captured it perfectly by the fact of he carries around a dagger and a scepter in the capitol battle, but he never even raises it out of more than intimidation. He walks through calmly like he’s not scared at all but he makes sure all the lambda kids do all the actual murder, he just stands there impartially, clearly The Mastermind, as the kids fucking murder the queen of the demons. And I think that’s more profound because he’s, a coward. And he doesn’t realize being the one who orders the strike makes you just as responsible as the one who sticks the knife in someone. The knife is just there to Compensate™ for the fact that he weighs like eighty pounds.

-he’s more of like lady macbeth (because he’s a girlboss) than macbeth himself. He has blood on his hands, but it’s the kind of blood that you can’t wash off. He never killed anyone himself, and he cannot admit he never would have been able to.

-the last thing is that there are definitely epic things about the anime, episode 8 was my favorite so far, goddamn that imagery and the bitch walking through the city while it burns down with the screaming asmr going on behind him my god. We stan. But like the downside of, letting Emma and Ray get to him before he commits first degree murder makes the whole thing lose a lot of his value. In the manga (oh my god look at me being a pretentious manga fan please) it fit more of his ideas- he never backed down, and he planned for Emma coming and trying to stop him. Of course he wanted Emma to stop him, he wanted it with all his fucking heart he was pleading for it to happen but the man wouldn’t give himself what he wanted if he was held at gunpoint. He knew she’d come and he made absolutely sure she wouldn’t be able to stop him. So when she came and he said “you’re too late”??? It kind of said it all, in the fact that he was disappointed that he got his way. He still thought he did the right thing, but deep down there where he shoved all his thoughts and feelings he desperately wanted to be saved from himself.

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Feel free to eviscerate me if these are not Correct he is just my favorite girlboss who I feel the need to yell at

#tpn #the promised neverland #yakusoku no neverland #tpn norman #norman tpn #essay post #god why do i do this to myself #dear god help me this is 5000 words #rowan's hyperfixation essays

73 notes · View notes

yikesharringrove · 4 years

Note

maybe? 👉👈 steve taking a really long time with college (like on one year and off one yours year, on, off, on, off) and he still doesn't really know what he wants to do and he gets really frustrated bc billy just did college all in one go and steve is taking forever and he feels down on himself? idk im feeling the whump rn???

Steve had left high school having no idea what he wanted from the rest of his life.

That’s not true, he had some idea.

He knew he wanted to leave Hawkins, follow Billy wherever he was going. He knew he wanted to be with Billy for the rest of his life, he knew he wanted to leave the past behind and make new friends, people who were kind, and fun, and didn’t bat an eye when Billy pulled him into his lap.

But that’s about it.

So when Billy graduates high school, and gets a full ride to UC Berkeley, and they move into a cheap apartment in downtown Oakland, Steve is so happy that he got out.

He gets a job waiting tables at a restaurant down the street, pays half the rent and buys the groceries while Billy’s in class.

But then two years pass, and Billy’s soaring through college, working to his degrees, plural, because he just couldn’t decide between studying English Literature or Biology with a focus in research.

So he’s majoring in both and getting a minor in Italian because then I’ll know what you’re sayin’ when you start horny babblin’.

And Steve was at the same restaurant.

True, he was assistant manager now, and it came with a pretty okay raise, and he even gets dental insurance, but he feels so stuck.

So he enrolls in community college.

He starts with some general classes, still completely unsure of what he wants to study.

Billy said it was okay to just rule out things you don’t want to study, to nearly fail a math course and know that accounting is not for you.

So when Steve finishes his first year, he at least knows what he doesn’t want to pursue.

Meanwhile Billy has an internship at a lab through Kaiser Permanente. And he can read and write Italian than Steve can.

Steve is walking home from his job at the restaurant when it happens. He’s crossing the street, and gets hit by a car.

He’s taken to the hospital, where he’s informed of a fractured spine and another concussion.

He’s told his injury could’ve been much more severe, that he will not experience paralysis, but he needs physical therapy and walking will be difficult for a while.

Their finances take a big hit.

Billy’s internship doesn’t pay super well, and with Steve being unable to work for the foreseeable future, he’s fired.

Billy has insurance through the school, but because on paper, he and Steve have no real relation, Steve’s medical bills come out of pocket.

So Steve is bedridden for months. He can’t work or get groceries, or do fucking anything but lay there.

They can’t afford physical therapy.

But Billy has a friend studying to be a PT, and she comes over every Saturday, and practices her technique on him in exchange for ten bucks and a few beers.

And so the money Steve tucked away for school is rapidly diminishing.

By the time Billy graduates, Steve is a year into recovery. He still gets dizzy at odd intervals, and his back gets stiff when it rains, but Billy gets a job right away, doing research on flu vaccines.

And Steve goes back to work.

He gets a desk job, something he won’t have to be on his feet all day for. He works reception for a message therapist, which comes with free massages, which work wonders on his back.

So in the fall, he decides to give his education another shot.

He learns that history is not for him, and that his nutrition course was fine until they began looking into how the body processes nutrients, and he was fucking lost. He takes a few business classes, thinking, hoping genetics would take over and this is something he could do.

But his dad was right to take away the job opportunity at his own firm. Steve was not cut out for this.

After a year of research, Billy is promoted three times. He ends up working on some extremely important study that Steve does not understand for the fucking life of him.

But he sits and listens every time Billy explains what he did that day, even though Steve gets so sad when Billy mentions having to kill the lab mice to study their bodies.

So Steve is two years into community college, five years into living in Oakland with Billy, and he still is lost.

He takes a semester off, working more hours, trying to save up some money.

Because Billy is beginning to think about grad school, and that shit’s not cheap.

But Billy decides to postpone that, work for a few more years, and besides, he’s caught between studying something to put him in a research field, or just straight up going to medical school to study infectious disease.

Because Billy could. He’s smart enough for medical school, smart enough to research and be a doctor.

And Steve has a smushy spine and half a degree in nothing.

A semester off turns into a year.

A year and a semester.

Two years.

They’ve been in California for seven years, and Billy gets into grad school in San Diego. They move south and Billy spends late nights pursuing a Masters in Immunology.

And Steve works the front desk at a pediatrician’s office.

He’s flipping through a course catalog from the San Diego Community College when Billy comes home from his new job, the position he got after applying to only three labs.

He kissed the top of Steve’s head, moving to grab himself a beer from the fridge.

“You thinkin’ of going back?”

“I don’t know.” Steve slid the catalog closed. “Is it even worth it?”

“That’s something you have to decide.” Billy sat down, sliding the catalog towards him. Steve had crossed off the classes he had already taken, the ones he new he wouldn’t like. “And you know, going to school isn’t the only option. You could get an apprenticeship, master a trade.”

“I can’t do anything where I need to bend over for really any length of time. So that rules out plumber, and car mechanic, and anything physical like construction, or landscaping or even general contracting is right out.”

Steve could feel the old shame, the doubt and the self hatred crawling up his spine.

“I have nothing to offer. I have no discerning skills, and in seven years I’ve only made it through two years of goddamn community college, and here you are, ripping through grad school like a fourth degree is easy.”

“Stevie, you’ve got a lot to offer. We just gotta find something that suits you.” He took Steve’s pen, turning to the back page of the catalog. “Okay, we’re gonna write down all of you strengths, and think of career paths that could fit those. I’ll go first, you’re extremely caring. You’d be good at any career where you care for people.”

“But I can’t study nursing or something, I barely understood my biology 101 course. Plus, nurses are strong. I can’t lift more than like, thirty pounds.”

“There’re way more caring fields than nursing, Pretty Boy. Although I would love if you were my nurse.” Billy smirked at him, leaning in to plant a sloppy kiss to Steve’s cheek as he rolled his eyes. “Another strength: your emotional intelligence is through the fucking roof.” He wrote it down. “Okay, I’ve said tow, so you say one.”

“Um, I think that I’m good at making people laugh?”

“Yes! You are. Perfect.” Billy scribbled it down. “You’re a good leader.”

“I’m pretty good at reading people.” Billy wrote Intuitive, can smell a douchebag from a mile away.

“You’re good under pressure.”

“Sometimes.”

“Every time I’ve seen. You’re good at keeping calm and keeping others calm.”

“I guess.��

“Nah, Stevie. Positives only. Say a strength.”

“I’m, uh, I’m good at, bilingual?” Billy stared at him. “Like, I’m bilingual.”

“Are you sure? I don’t think that was English, even.” Steve slapped his chest, Billy laughed. “I’m joking. You are bilingual. You’re also really good at making others feel safe.”

“I was always pretty alright at public speaking.”

“You’ve got a great eye for detail.”

“I’m good at teamwork, and delegating.”

“You’re really compassionate, too.” Billy drew a line under the strengths side. “Okay, so now we’ve got some of your strengths, think about what you’d want in a job, and we can match everything up and think about some careers that could fit.” Steve nodded, racking his brain.

“Um, I would want to work with kind people, I would kind of like to do something, you know, worthwhile. I’d like to be in charge of something. Like it’s fine if I have a boss to answer to, but I’d like to be fairly independent.”

“I already have so many ideas.”

“Lay ‘em on me.” Steve sat back, closing his eyes to try and picture everything Billy threw out.

“I’ve actually always thought you’d be a really good teacher. Especially if you did like, kindergarten. Just got to be around little kids all day.” Steve could actually see it. “I also think you’d be a could social worker, like to work with Child Protective Services, or something. Um, you’d be good at even planning. Or I think you’d be really good working at a nonprofit of some kind. Maybe you could be the event planner for a nonprofit.”

And Steve was sitting there, and suddenly, he had four career paths, just sitting right in front of him. Four super attainable career paths.

“Wait, wait those make sense.” Billy beamed at him.

“Yeah, that’s because I know you, Pretty Boy.” Billy opened the catalog. “So, I think if you choose to enroll, you should pick a few classes, like, Intro to Social Work, Early Childhood Education 100, and maybe like, Sociology, and see from there.”

Steve stared at the course descriptions for what Billy circled.

“Thank you for helping me. I’m sorry this has taken me so long.”

“It’s okay. Everyone is on a different timeline. And it’s not like you got to explore options in high school. You were told business until your dad decided that nevermind. So it’s understandable that this took you a minute. Plus, you went through hell with your back.”

Steve sat up straight, stretching out his back.

“But, I mean, the back thing kinda happened to you too, and you still made it through all your schooling.”

“Sure, I watched you go through it, but I was not in the pain you were. And like, emotionally, it fucking sucked to watch the love of my goddamn life go through something, and I couldn’t even afford therapy. Like, I felt so helpless, but that’s nothing to what you went through literally experiencing it.” Steve took Billy’s hand, linking their fingers together, pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

“You did the best you could. Everything was shit for like, that whole year.”

“I cannot telly you how many times I would go into an individual study room in the library and just like, sob for a while.And then I’d get so mad at myself, thinking of you at home, hurting and not even able to get yourself out of bed, and I’d race home feeling like shit.”

Steve scrubbed his fingers through Billy’s hair. He had cut it a while ago, kept it short these days.

“You were doing everything you could for me. I would just sit in bed all day, and think about how amazing you are. Like I would just think about all the good times we’ve had together, and how much I love you.”

“That explains why we didn’t fight for like, that whole year.” Steve laughed. Billy leaned to kiss him softly.

“And you know, even now we’ve done this, there’s still no rush on you. You don’t have to go back to school this year, of this decade, or anytime until you’re ready. Until you want to.”

“Well now, I feel like there’s a fucking light at the end of the tunnel. I’m almost, excited. Is this how you feel? Excited to go to school?”

“Welcome to the nerd life, Sweet Thing.” Billy drained the last of his beer. “You wanna go out tonight? Celebrate?”

“Like, go out to dinner, or go out?”

“Oh, just like dinner. Be home by eight thirty, in bed by nine, missionary with the lights off, and asleep by nine fifteen.”

“Sign me the fuck up.”

#billy is based a lot on my sister in this #and steve is based on her best friend #any life path is valid #there's kind of a lot of set up but yeah #also i live for them settling down and becoming a totally boring mundane couple but they're just SO HAPPY toghether that's my shit #yikes writes #steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #harringrove #harringrive #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble

83 notes · View notes

alloverthegaf · 4 years

Note

Rk1k thing bc I need more ppl to scream at: postrevolution, Connor struggles w/ mental illness & trauma plus discrimination from both sides. He decides he needs to escape it all and drops off Jericho’s radar. Everyone’s worried until one day an android who left a suicide note comes back w/ a new outlook on life. Connor found em and was able to help from his own struggles. He becomes known as the Deviant Shepherd over time, and Markus falls in love w a Connor who’s found a life worth living!

omg that sounds beautiful!!

WHOOPS I WAS GONNA WRITE LIKE 2 PARAGRAPHS OF NOT FIC AND KEPT GOING AND IT SLOWLY MORPHED SO BY THE END IT’S AN ACTUAL FIC LMAO

Connor’s sort of getting close to that point himself when he comes across this other android who really just doesn’t believe they can handle all of this anymore. Their stress is always so high they almost see the act as like a sick joke, a pre emptive self-destruct. Connor can relate.

He doesn’t expect to meet this android, he doesn’t even expect to try and talk him out of it. Later he insists it was simply his negotiation instincts coming to the forefront. But he convinces the android to wait, to stop and to talk to Connor. Just... have a conversation with him. The clinching point is when Connor finally admits that he understands. All too well. That’s what convinces the other android to give him - to give life - one more chance.

They talk. And talk, and talk, mostly about the other android’s trauma, but slowly Connor opens up about his own issues. The other android recognises Connor, knows who he is - everyone does, after the march, after the speech. It’s one of the reasons he decided to disappear, in the end. Couldn’t walk down the street without stares, whispers, at best. Hatred, vitriol, suspicion at worse. On a couple of times, violence.

The breaking point was when a group of androids trashed Hank’s house, where Connor had been staying. No one had been home at the time, not even Sumo, thank RA9, but Connor knew next time it might be different. He couldn’t allow that. He couldn’t let Hank or Sumo get hurt because of him.

So, anyway, the android recognises him, but there’s no suspicion or hate in his eyes, because a guy who talks someone out of ending their own life doesn’t seem like much of an assassin to him. They talk, and they bond, and they spend about a week together, just... Existing. Knowing that around the other, they can exist, however they need to, without judgement. Without questions.

This is only the start.

Two weeks later, the android - let’s call him Michael - goes back to his best friend’s apartment, where he’d been staying before he’d committed to taking his life. He’d wanted to do it far away from Samantha, the human woman who had been as kind to him before the revolution as she was after. He comes back, and he tells her about the android that saved his life. He doesn’t give details, understands Connor’s need for isolation and privacy right now. He later tells Markus; Markus does his best to keep tabs on androids that go missing, at least in the local area, and he’s relieved to find out Michael is home and safe.

He looks tired when he visits, which isn’t a surprise; leading a revolutoin is certainly a job Michael would never want. But he lights up when he sees him, hugs him and murmurs “I’m so glad you’re okay” like Michael is a part of his inner circle, not just some name on a list that Markus looks over every day.

Michael is honest about why he left, even though he feels ashamed. He can’t lie to Markus. He explains that he was preparing to end it, through stuttered sentences and averted eyes, and explains that another android saved him. Again, he doesn’t give specifics, but Markus is of curious.

“Who was this man? What did he look like?” Markus asks. He’s leaning forward on the couch, holding his hands tightly together. He looks intent, suddenly.

“Um - I “ Michael cannot lie to Markus. But he can’t betray Connor’s trust either. “I can’t say. I’m sorry.”

Markus frowns for a moment, but then leans back and looks away. A small smile crawls along his lips, and he nods. “It’s okay. I think I have an idea.” He focuses on Michael again. “How was he?”

“Struggling,” admits Michael. “But... I think maybe I helped him too.”

Over the next two months more and more androids start talking about the Good Samaritan, as they call him. Some are in similar situations to Michael, looking for a way to escape and being reminded of the reasons to keep fighting. Others are simply in trouble - homeless androids are quietly led to shelter, androids who fall victim to violence are defended. They talk about his kind and quiet nature, the way he looks at them with understanding instead of sympathy. They exclaim about how fast and brave he is in a fight. None of them admit to his identity. He’s garnered a loyalty he never asks for with the downtrodden, the depressed, the androids who are finding their lives just as hard, and often harder, post-revolution.

A YK500 tells Markus excitedly about how the man who helped her find her way to Jericho spent days showing her amazing coin tricks to cheer her up after being abandoned. Markus smiles, his shoulders dropping in relief.

Finally, six months after Connor disappeared, Hank calls Markus. Their boy’s home.

Markus doesn’t intend on kissing the daylights out of Connor in Hank’s living room, the moment he lays eyes on him, but he just. Can’t not, after missing him and worrying about him for so long, after hearing story after story of Connor’s compassion, his innate need to help, to do something. Hank curses and complains and walks out of the room in protest.

“Hi,” Markus says breathlessly when they finally break apart.

“Hi,” Connor says back. He looks flushed, and a little bewildered, like he hadn’t been more than happy to stick his tongue down Markus’ throat a moment ago. “Um. Is this a new greeting you’ve decided on while I’ve been gone?”

While I’ve been gone. Like he was on a holiday, off seeing the sights. Not missing and silent and giving Hank and Markus all kinds of nightmares. Markus moves his hands to the collar of Connor’s shirt (still so smartly dressed, even now, the shit) and grips tightly. Shakes Connor, just a little, just enough to make sure he gets the message. “Don’t ever do that again. Please.”

Connor has the grace to look sheepish. “You were worried.”

“Of course I was worried, you - “ Markus takes a breath, wills himself to stay calm. Figure’s it’s not a good idea to have their first fight two minutes after their first kiss. “Why, Connor? Why did you leave like that?”

Connor, lips downturn. He holds Markus’ hands in his own, gently pulls them away from his collar until they’re standing with their hands held between them. “I’m sorry. I - I had to. I was so adrift here, Markus, so - “ he looks away. “So scared. I felt like I didn’t belong. No...” he takes a moment to think and Markus stays quiet, aware of how rare it is for Connor to open up so thoroughly. “I felt like I shouldn’t exist.”

Markus makes a choked sound in his throat. Thinks of that first android Connor had talked back from the ledge. Connor smiles gently at him. “I don’t feel that way anymore. Really. I met so many others that felt so similarly to me...” he laughs, short and sharp. “Can you believe I thought that I was the only one? But no, so many people - so many androids - who needed someone else in their corner, needed someone to just. Pick them up. Hold them steady, for a moment. I... I’d never thought I could be that someone, before. It helped.” He smiles wider at Markus. It reaches his eyes this time, makes them crinkle at the corners in a way that is so rare and so, so precious.

Markus ducks in and kiss him again, because he can’t help it, because Connor looks so beautiful like this, calm and genuinely happy. “I’ll pick you up, next time you need someone,” he whispers, knowing it’s cheesy and not giving a fuck. He wants Connor to understand. “The next time you need someone to hold you steady, let me.” He looks Connor in the eyes, lets him see the care and desperation and just a hint of that something more he’s been feeling for Connor for a while now. “Please, let me.”

Connor stares back at him, and whatever he picks up from Markus’ expression forms tears in his eyes, even as he closes them and smiles again. He leans forward to rest his head on Markus’ shoulder and whispers back “okay.”

((btw Hank tracked Connor down a month in. He kept tabs on him to make sure he was okay but gave the kid the distance he needed to sort himself out))

#d:bh #detroit: become human #connor #markus #rk1000 #conkus #asks #my writing #small fics #suicide #Anonymous

23 notes · View notes

kumikoshortcake · 5 years

Note

It's the mura anon from before. Do you mind if I ask for an angst scenario with Mura? Um... maybe like, a platonic scenario where Himuro encourages him to open up about things after he got injured during practice (almost breaking his wrist again or something bc he got angry?) And then maybe mura can actually talk to him about his issues with bodily image, and not being able to fit in with his grade. You don't have to, I understand this is kinda weird. I just need more mura angst content... ily!!

Darling, I LOVE weird. Seriously though, weird requests are rather inspiring and part of the reason I enjoy being a writer so never hesitate to send in ask just because you think it’s weird. I hope this was angsty enough and LOVE YOU TOO!! I had a hard time ending it, hopefully it’s not too awk.

Slamming the ball in the hoop once again, Murasakibara feels the sweat drip down his face and neck as he scores another point. He doesn't think he's ever put in this much work, this much effort for a simple practice game in basketball. Heck, he sometimes doesn't even put in this much effort for an official game. The only time he has gone all out was when he played against Jabberwock a few months ago.

That time was different. And so is this time.

He could feel the uneasiness bubble in his stomach. The stares he got, the comments people made, he could recall them all and it only fueled his frustration. Frustration as to why he was unusually tall, why he had long limbs and why he was treated like an alien for being so. It's not like he could help it. For once in his life he wished he could just fit in. Wished people wouldn't stare at him in the hallway or make offhanded comments about his towering frame or his gangly arms. It's not like he asked to be like this, so why do they continue to criticize his appearance? So what if he doesn't look svelte like Liu or lithe like Himuro; he had other advantages like his basketball prowess and his observation and analysis skills.

But slowly, his self-consolation turned into anger and self-hatred. After hearing something over and over again, one can only believe it to be true at some point. Murasakibara feels bile rise up in his throat at this revelation. He feels weird. He feels insecure. He feels like...an alien. That could be the only explanation for why he was so weird, so different. Self-deprecating thoughts began to enter his mind and he continued to loathe himself more after each one.

Unable to purge them, he slams the basketball harder and harder everytime he dribbled. He could feel the sweat trickle down his neck and back and the muscles in his right hand were throbbing with searing pain and his fingers were growing stiff but he was relentless. Murasakibara refused to give up now. He transmuted all of his anger into power and surged forward with a slam dunk, disregarding everyone and everything in his path.

The shriek of a whistle snapped him from his inner turmoil back to reality accompanied by a sharp smack to the back of his head.

'Atsushi, what were you thinking charging ahead like that without paying attention to your surroundings! You could have broken your wrist!' Himuro's sharply reprimands him, concern lacing his voice.

Coach Araki makes Murasakibara sit out for the rest of the game after taking care of the forming bruises on his forearm. Practice ends and Himuro checks up on his sweets-loving, purple-haired teammate. He finds him outside under a tree mindlessly eating sweets while staring into space. Taking a seat next to him in the shade, Himuro begins softly, "You weren't yourself today, Atsushi. Want to tell me what's going on?"

His only response was a quiet grunt.

"Atsushi, whatever is going on, bottling it up won't make it any better. We were all worried about you during practice today. You've never been so...intense. You know you can tell me anything." Sighing in slight annoyance at Himuro's persistence, Murasakibara relents knowing that Himuro will get it out of him eventually. At first, he feels awkward divulging all of the thoughts and feelings about himself but gradually grows more bitter. After all, what would Himuro know about not fitting in; he's the school's freakin prince. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, Murasakibara awkwardly looks down to face the tree behind Himuro.

"Atsushi. Everyone has a time where they feel insecure and unsure of themself, whether that is physically or emotionally. Sure you are taller and bigger than most people but so what? Who cares? Because tell me honestly, does that affect you? You are a genius at basketball, you're part of the Kiseki no Sedai for god's sake! You have an amazing reach and you can use your towering figure to intimidate people if need be. Just because someone else thinks you're different doesn't mean it's a bad thing. If we were all normal, life would be extremely boring." Murasakibara starts to mumble quietly under his breath. "What was that?" Himuro questions curiously. "I said, that you probably never had to worry about something like fitting in, so how would you know?"

Himuro laughs sardonically, which takes Atsushi by surprise. Himuro has laughed in various ways: mirthfully, sadly, and sarcastically, but never like this before.

"Atsushi, being able to fit in isn't as great as it may seem. It's really tiring, figuring out who is real and who is fake. You are surrounded by people who say they want to be your friend and get to know you but most of them aren't genuine. There is also the fact that they have expections, how to look, how to act, how to live. You said that I wouldn't understand, but I probably understand better than anyone. I know what it is like to be 'not be good enough.' I know it quite well, actually. And to Murasakibara's surprise, Himuro turns away and squeezes his eyes shut, as if he is trying to repress some painful memories.

Murasakibara studies his expression for a moment before handing him one of his snacks as a consolation. "Muro-chin, I guess you've been through a lot too." Nodding in agreement, Himuro gives him a few words of encouragement before parting.

"Atsushi, you still have time to find out who you want to be. Don't let others decide that for you. Maybe, you weren't made to fit in but to stand out. It's not always a bad thing, y'know. Just something to think about."

#kuroko no basket #kuroko no basuke #murasakibara #murasakibara atsushi #himuro #himuro tatsuya #platonic scenario #angst #insecure! murasakibara #darling anon #send in asks!#ask box is open

20 notes · View notes

steviemae · 5 years

Text

a serpent’s sister // rm

requested by anonymous: Can you pretty please write about Reggie falling in love with jugheads twin sister and following her around like a lost puppy because she doesn’t believe him but fluff at the end 💗💗

author’s note: okay, so as i was writing this, it became more than i expected so this will most likely be a two parter bc i want y/n and reggie to end up together but for now, enjoy!! (:

You and Jughead were twins, but that was where your similarities stop. You two were polar opposites. Jughead being the self proclaimed loner weirdo and you being the nerd who liked to have people around. Jughead chose to get involved with the Serpents while you chose to stay away. Sure you were friends with them but you stayed out of their business. You wanted nothing really to do with the gang.

Everyone sat around the student lounge, talking and carrying on as per usual. Everyone reminiscing on the party that happened over the weekend. You remembered a specific conversation you had with Reggie and looked over at him to catch him staring at you. He sent you a smile that you halfheartedly returned. Reggie was drunk off his ass at this party and pulled you into an empty room to confess his undying love for you. You had text him the next day if he was talking out of his ass or being serious to which he responded that he meant every word. You were skeptical, thinking he was using it as a tactic to piss of your brother and the other Serpents, knowing it was the perfect way to get a rise out of them - being the Serpent King’s daughter and the twin of the next in line.

Fangs and Sweet Pea walked in, sending you head nods causing you to give them a small smile and wave. After Reggie’s terrible excuse for graffiti on the Riverdale mascot tiles, all gang affiliation had to be covered up and taken off - meaning no tattoos were allowed to be visible and no Serpent jackets. Of course, your bother didn’t listen. He came sauntering in, proudly wearing that worn out hand-me-down leather jacket with the snake prominent on the back.

“For the love of god, Jug.” you said to yourself.

“Take it off.” Reggie growled from next to you. You hide your face in your hands to avoid all the commotion. Reggie and Jughead began their little debate over a stupid jacket.

“y/n do something. That’s your brother, maybe he’ll listen to you.” Josie pleaded trying to find a way to avoid another fight this week.

“You know damn well Jughead is not going to listen to me.” right as you spoke, Sweet Pea and Fangs jumped up as well as the other bulldogs and a giant fight broke out.

“Okay, true. But Reggie might.” she said. You had told her everything to get an opinion on the whole Reggie thing and she is most definitely on Reggie’s side with this one. You finally had enough, rolling your eyes. You stood up and hopped on top of the coffee table before yelling at the group.

“Alright you idiots. Knock it off.” Reggie pushed Jughead off him and everyone stepped away, “this has got to be the dumbest thing to fight over. Find something productive to do!” you said before gathering your stuff and walking out of the lounge right as Principal Whetherbee had everyone involved go to the office.

“Wait, y/n.” you heard someone call. A hand grabbed your arm and turned you around.

“What do you want, Reggie? Shouldn’t you be heading to the office?” you asked rolling your eyes.

“No, just those snakes.” he answered.

“Those snakes are my friends and my brother, need i remind you. Also a load of bullshit, you started the fight.”

“Right, sorry. Look i don’t make the decisions. Whetherbee specifically said the Serpents to his office.” he said making your roll your eyes again. “I thought we could talk. For real this time. Completely sober.” he pleaded.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Reggie. All of your actions lead me to believe you’re only playing this because i’m your enemy’s sister. An easy in to piss everyone off even more.”

“That’s not what this is. I really like you, y/n. I have for a while but never had the courage to tell you.”

“You want me to believe you actually like me, then maybe stop picking petty fights with my brother and the others just because you hate the part of the town i live in. You always seem to forget that i’m a southsider too.”

“I’ll work on it, okay. I’m going to make you believe me.” he said taking your hand in his.

“Good luck with that, Reg.” you said sliding your hand from his and turning back around to head to class.

The next day you walked to your locker, finding a note taped to it. You grabbed the tiny envelope, opening it and taking the note out: phase one of my plan to get you to believe me. Careful when you open your locker -Reggie. You put the note back into the envelope before putting your combination in and slowly opening your locker door. A giant bouquet of your favorite flowers sat inside making your mouth drop a little.

“How the hell did he get this in here?” you mumbled taking the bouquet out and exchanging it for your books. You brought them to your nose to smell the delicious scent with a small smile on your face.

“Like them?” Reggie said from behind you making you spin around.

“Two questions - how did you know these were my favorite and how did you get them into my locker?”

“I had Betty ask your brother and Veronica gave me your combo.” he answered simply.

“Well thank you, but what the hell am i supposed to do with a giant bouquet for the rest of the day. I can’t just carry them around with me to class.” Reggie shrugged not really thinking about that part either. You sighed, turning back around to grab what you needed for first period and sitting the bouquet back in your locker before carefully closing the door as to not crush the flowers.

“Can i walk you to class?” he asked taking your books from your hands.

“Um yeah sure.” you said furrowing your eyebrows. He didn’t really give you a choice since he already had your books and started heading towards your first class before you could answer. You sped up your walk to catch up with him, walking side by side to your class.

“Is this mutt bothering you, y/n?” Sweet Pea asked crossing his arms over his chest as Reggie sat your books on your desk, a scowl spreading across his face as Sweet Pea spoke.

“Why don’t you mind your business, reptile.” Reggie spat.

“For fucks sake you two.” you said stepping in between the two angry boys, “Reggie, go to class. Sweet Pea, go sit down. You’re both bothering me now.” Reggie’s face immediately held a look of sadness for a brief second before he nodded and left the room.

“What’s that all about?” Sweet Pea asked sitting back down in his desk that was situated behind you.

“He’s trying to prove to me that he actually likes me and not using it as a way to piss you guys off, but in all honesty, i don’t know if this is going to work. If he can’t get along with you guys then it’s a no go.”

“Look, i don’t really like the guy, but don’t let his hatred for us stop you from being happy, y/n. I know you like him or else you would’ve told him to fuck off already.”

“I can’t. He hates the Southside so much, Jughead included. You can’t hate my friends and family but not hate me when i come from the exact same part of town. I’m not a Serpent, but i’m a Serpents daughter and another one’s sister. I’m really no different than any of you and the things he says apply to me too, whether he means them to or not. You can’t pick and chose who from the southside you’re not going to hate. If you hate one of us, you hate all of us.” you rambled. Sweet Pea understood where you were coming from. Even though you chose to stay out of all things Serpents, you were still very much an advocate for the Southside and he appreciated that you stuck up for them so much. They were still your family.

“Have you told him any of that?” he asked.

“Not fully but yes, i’ve mentioned it. He knows how i feel about this feud and if he really wants to be with me then he can get over it or lose me completely.” you stated turning around as the teacher called for everyone’s attention.

Reggie had heard the entire conversation you had with Sweet Pea. Both of your desks were by the door and right as Reggie made it halfway down the hallway, he turned around to apologize but caught your conversation instead. He turned down the hallway in search of your brother to try and make things right.

“What now, Reggie? Come to pick another fight?” he asked.

“No, i want to win your sister over and i need to know how i can do that?” he said sitting down.

“Well for starters you need to know she’s all about family - that means the Serpents. My advice to you would be to get your head out of your ass.” Jughead stood up and walked out of the lounge leaving Reggie with his thoughts for a minute. He decided to skip first period and just think of what to do. Realizing there was only one thing he could do, he let out a sigh and ran his hands through his hair before getting up and heading to Whetherbee’s office.

After class you headed for the lounge to spend your free period, hoping to find Reggie so you could talk and tell him everything you told Sweet Pea earlier, but couldn’t find him. The announcement bell went off and Whetherbee’s voice rang through the speakers.

“All punishments handed out to any Southside students has been revoked. You will not be held accountable and will no longer need to serve detention. However, tattoos and all gang related clothing are still not allowed. Again, all detentions and suspensions have been lifted from all Southside students. That is all.”

“What was that all about?” you asked looking around to your group who all shrugged their shoulders. You looked over at Jughead who stood smiling happily with Fangs, Sweet Pea and Toni. The boys high-fiving each others. You got up and walked to the office to speak with Principal Whetherbee to figure out why all of a sudden he changed his mind - not that you weren’t happy about it, you were for sure, but it’s still a bit off.

“Principal Whetherbee, can i ask you a question?” you said standing in the doorway of his office.

“Sure, ms. Jones. Have a seat.” he said motioning to a seat the chairs in front of him.

“What made you change your mind about punishing all of the Southside students?” you asked sitting down in one seat and placing your bag in the other.

“I thought you would be happy about it, ms. Jones.”

“Oh i am. i just wanted to know why the sudden change.”

“Reggie Mantle confessed to spray painting the logo over our mascot and for initiating all of the fights. He practically begged me to take their punishments and let him serve them. It was a long conversation, but he was adamant and that’s the first time i’ve ever seen Mantle fess up to anything.” your jaw dropped with this revelation. Reggie went out of his way to get the Serpents free of all punishments.

“And where is Reggie now, might i ask?”

“He’s serving his suspension starting today, ms. Jones. He won’t be back for a week and then he has quite a few detentions to serve when he does return.”

“Thank you, Principal Whetherbee.” you said as you grabbed your bag and practically ran out of the school. You hopped into your car and sped off to Reggie’s house.

When you arrived you banged on the door until he opened.

“Alright, what the hell?” he said opening it. His eyes got slightly wider when he saw you standing there, “y/n what’re you doing here?” he asked. You didn’t say anything, instead you walked up to him, placing your hand on the back of his neck, pulling his down and meshing your lips together in a heated kiss.

“What was that for?” he asked when you pulled away.

“For finally getting your head out of your ass. And a thank you for setting the Southside free and owning up to your mistakes.” you said with a smile.

“Was that a one time thing or can we talk?” he asked.

“I think we can do that a few more times. If and only if this isn’t a one time thing. You can’t go back to hating on the southside. This kind of behavior you showed today has to continue. No more fights, no more accusing any of them for whatever else bad happens in this town, no more setting them up. You don’t have to be their friend but i want you to be nice around them.” you said.

“Done. i promise you from now on, i won’t be a dick. The new Reggie is here to stay.” he said smiling down at you.

“Good.” you smiled pulling him in for a kiss.

The next month or so went smoothly. You and Reggie were official and his rude demeanor towards the Serpents died down, though it took a couple of days. That is, until Midge’s death. You and Midge were close, her and Moose going out with you and Reggie a few times in the last couple of months so basically witnessing her murder was hitting you pretty hard. You sat on the bench in the locker room - knowing you probably shouldn’t be in there but all you wanted was Reggie to comfort you but of course, he had to chat with the Bulldogs and spread the suspicion of who did it. You sat leaning against the lockers on the bench when Moose spoke.

“Midge was screwing one of the Serpents behind my back. I was mad and stormed out of her dressing room. I don’t want them to think it was me so i didn’t say anything.”

“Moose, why didn’t you just say the two of you had a little argument and you left. They would’ve checked your alibi.” you said, your voice coarse from crying. He stayed silent, shrugging his shoulders at your question.

“One of them was screwing Midge?” Reggie said getting angry. He kicked the lockers, making one of them fall over and almost land where you were standing before storming out.

“Reggie, what are you doing?” you said running after him. He busted into the room that Jughead used for their meetings.

“Rumour has it, one of you was screwing Midge. My guess, it was you Sweet Pea.”

“Reggie, are you fucking serious right now?” you said grabbing his arm and pulling him back. He tugged his arm from your grasp, ignoring you completely as him and Pea went after each other. Archie and Jughead yelled for them to stop and finally, it broke up. You were on the verge of tears as you stood in front of Reggie.

“You couldn’t just leave it be, Reggie? You know damn well none of them killed her. And it’s none of your business who Midge screws. Her and Moose were never fully together anyways, lord know who he fucked behind her back. All i wanted was my boyfriend to comfort me because our friend just got murdered pretty much right in front of us and there was nothing we could do to help her and you go and accuse my family of killing her.”

“Baby, no don’t cry. I’m sorry.” he said taking a step towards you.

“No, you’re not. You were doing so good at not hating them and blaming them. I told you at the beginning that this was only going to work if you put your unjustified hatred to the side, but you just couldn’t do that.”

“Come on, y/n. Lets go home.” Jug said trying to get you to leave seeing how upset and worked up you were.

“No, Jug. I’m not finished.” you said pushing him away from you, “in case you couldn’t figure it out, we’re done, Reggie. And please for the love of god, let me be. Don’t try to call me, don’t come to my house with flowers and empty apologies. Just leave me alone, okay. I can’t stand to even look at you right now.” and with that, you stormed out of the room walking straight to your car where you burst into sobs. Moment later you heard your doors being opened. Jughead pushed you over so he could slide into the driver seat, knowing your were too upset to drive. Sweet Pea getting into the passanger seat, leaving you squished between him and Jughead while Toni and Fangs climbed into the back. None of them said anything as Jughead started your car and pulled out of the parking lot heading for Sunnyside Trailer park. Sweet Pea threw his arm over your shoulder and pulled you into his side, where you curled up in a ball and cried into his chest over your now ex-boyfriend and your dead friend.

#riverdale imagines #reggie mantle imagines #riverdale imagine #reggie mantle imagine #riverdale fluff #riverdale #reggie mantle x reader #reggie mantle #imagines #writing #steviemae

162 notes · View notes

daisybaeks-archive · 6 years

Text

adagietto | baekhyun

Genre: Angst, AU

Pairing: Baekhyun x female!reader

warnings: themes of death (no violence or blood though), copious amounts of musical terminology

listen to this while you read

also i want to tag angst queen @kyungiebaby bc a) i can, and b) this is payback for all the angst you’ve written

“Wie ich Dich liebe, Du meine Sonne, ich kann mit Worten Dir’s nicht sagen. Nur meine Sehnsucht kann ich Dir klagen und meine Liebe, meine Wonne!”

Having your own private suite in concert halls is something that isn’t entirely new to you, but this time is different. You can feel it in the way the ushers look at you with sympathy in their eyes, in the way the audience members floating to their seats bow their heads respectfully when you cross paths, in the way you are all alone in your little balcony, no presence by your side.

You didn’t expect the concert to be so soon. Didn’t think you would have to leave your house and face the snobs dressed in their cocktail dresses and well-worn tuxedos. Didn’t think you’d have the strength to sit through movement after movement, piece after piece.

But here you sit. Alone. Tugging at the sleeves of your dress because it’s too cold, concert halls have always been too cold for you.

Baekhyun would always give you his suit jacket.

The orchestra onstage is warming up, flying through notes that you know so well, have heard so many times that you hear them in your dreams. Fluttering melodies and heart wrenching symphonies surrounding your subconscious in a never-ending cacophony. Your pulse beats in time to the music, your breathing signals the cues.

It isn’t long until the concertmaster appears, eliciting the polite applause from the audience. She bows, and from this distance you recognize her. If there was anyone who loved Baekhyun, knew Baekhyun, as much as you, it was her, a talented violinist who worked with your husband often. You wonder if she feels the same pain, knowing that this is the last time a Byun Baekhyun piece will debut.

She raises her violin and plays an A that echoes, haunting the hall.

The concert begins.

–

Empty. Your home was empty, void of the absentminded plucking of strings, the humming of imperfect melodies, even the droning of the television. There was nothing, a hole of silence where an orchestra of sound once played.

You weren’t sure whether you found solace or heartbreak in the fact that Baekhyun’s death hadn’t changed a thing about it.

“How much do you love me?”

“Not at all, I hate you.”

“Ha.”

“Okay, okay, fine. Hmm. I love you more than there are notes on this page. More than the stars in the sky. More than, um, sheep on a farm?”

“That was terrible.”

“This is why I write music, dummy. I’m no good with words.”

“It’s okay. I love you anyways.”

You didn’t leave your bed those first few days.

Your friends brought in food that lay mostly untouched on your nightstand, sat next to you in silence and rubbed your back. You said nothing, just tucked the blanket tighter around yourself until they left.

You didn’t cry. Didn’t scream. Didn’t feel anything. The thing you loved most in your life had been ripped away, yet you were hollow. A shell. An empty auditorium with only ghosts as an audience.

This is how he must have felt, you thought, closing your eyes.

World famous composer dies in hospital

Byun Baekhyun, 42, was declared dead this morning.

Health troubles and emotional strain have been plaguing the composer for the past two years. After a long battle, complete with multiple hospital visits and long periods in which he wouldn’t leave his house, he passed away this morning in the company of his wife.

Byun is world renowned for his emotional works. He started composing at the age of seventeen, and has since written a total of ten symphonies and a number of other pieces. He is praised for his ability to make people feel the deepest of human emotions.

News of memorial services are still to come. Members of the family have not made any comments at this time.

It started with his hearing.

After he started going deaf, Baekhyun started drifting. He would spend more time alone, silently staring off into space. You caught him more than once snapping near his ear, expression twisted with frustration and self-hatred. He’d press keys on the grand piano, eyes screwed shut in concentration. His hearing wasn’t completely gone yet, but it was fading quickly.

You’d gently grab his shaky hands and press them against your heart. He looked scared, you had realized. He was terrified.

You lay your head against his chest and swayed with him to a melody only you could hear.

“Baekhyun!”

“God, sorry. Yes?”

“I was asking what you wanted for dinner.”

“I’m not really hungry.”

“Baek…”

“I’m not!”

“You need to eat something.”

“What’s the point?”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“I can’t hear. I can’t make music. I can’t listen to music, God, I can’t even hear you properly. I can’t do anything. What’s the point?”

His studio was untouched.

In the corner, his violin. On his bookshelf, picture frames of the two of you. On his desk, a mess of papers.

Steeling yourself, you made your way to the desk and began flipping through the debris. One of Baekhyun’s friends had just needed some confirmation for the memorial service, some document that he had stored.

You brushed aside some letters and found a score.

Your heart leapt into your throat. It had been two years since Baekhyun had written anything, and you definitely had never seen this piece before. It was finished, and had been for a while.

You turned the last page of the score over and found a poem, scrawled in messy handwriting.

Memorial service for Byun Baekhyun

A concert will be held in memory of renowned composer Byun Baekhyun. The program will feature many of his most recognizable pieces, as well as the debut of his very last piece, discovered posthumously by his wife.

“I’m dying.”

Stop. Don’t say that.

“It’s okay.”

I need you.

“You have to be strong for me.”

Baekhyun.

“I love you.”

Don’t.

“I love you.”

It ended with his heart.

The loss of his hearing was devastating. He didn’t eat, didn’t sleep. He kept you up during the long hours of the night, pacing back and forth in your bedroom when he thought you were asleep. He was caught in his own head a lot, always thinking and disappearing into his studio. The pain and neglect weakened his body. You could see it in how thin he was, the bags under his eyes.

It was the heartbreak that killed him.

“I’m gonna be famous one day.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m going to write something so great that I’ll be world famous. Tchaik got nothing on me.”

“Okay, slow down there, hot stuff.”

“Oh you think I’m hot?”

“Shut up. God. Why do I like you?”

“Aww you like me, that’s cute.”

“I’m going to break up with you.”

“Wait, no, please, I’m sorry!”

“I’ll forgive you if you write something for me.”

“For you?”

“Yeah. And it better be beautiful.”

The piece is so him.

You let the melody overwhelm you, drown you in sound. It soars and thunders, whispers and cries. It’s passion and fury and gentleness and love.

You sit in your seat alone, but you feel Baekhyun next to you. You feel him twirling you around darkened streets, feel his fingers in your hair. You hear his laugh and his see his smile. You feel his warmth around you, enveloping you and swallowing you up. You hear him telling you that he loves you.

For the first time in a long time, you remember a time before Baekhyun was sick, when you were so, so in love. When there were no doctor visits or sleepless nights or pretending not to hear the broken sobs in the hallway. When there was only music, a steady stream of melodies.

You don’t applaud when the audience erupts after the last note rings into the air. A sob escapes your throat, unheard. A blaze of tears run down your face.

You place your head in your hands, your body wracking with the cries you’ve held in for so long. Each one is overpowering, fortissimo emotions flooding out of you, rendering you helpless. The applause continues, shrouding your screams. It’s just so much, everything hitting you at once: the pain of seeing him suffer, the pain of missing him, the pain of feeling him again.

More than anything, you feel your love for him. It aches and grows, taking over your body as you cry out. The tidal wave is overwhelming, suppressed feelings making themselves known again. It’s too much, it’s all too much and yet not enough as your surroundings melt away and you hear nothing. Nothing but the blood pounding in your ears and a mantra repeated over and over again.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

“How much I love you, you my sun,

I cannot tell you that with words.

I can only lament to you my longing

and my love, my bliss!”

#baekhyun imagine #baekhyun angst #baekhyun scenario #exo imagine #exo angst #exo scenario #baekhyun #byun baekhyun #exo #lowkey this sucks but listening to the piece while you read makes it better

83 notes · View notes

jngukie · 7 years

Text

WIP Tag

i was tagged by @floofyeol! idk if this is a blessing or a curse let’s find out.

some of these fics have been in drafts for ages? so tbh i don’t even know if i will post them but hey we’ll see. (so assume for now that none of these will be posted—except when stated otherwise with an *)

the first couple will be ships. the later ones are reader-inserts. all are still protected by the Creative Commons license.

slide it up in here: chapter 10* pairing(s): jikook, namjin, yoonseok genre: humour, crack, drama, angst tags/warnings: texting, college au, slightly filthy, innuendoes, Awkward Jeon Jungkook™, slowburn, self-esteem issues, self-hatred, implied/referenced homophobia, everyone is a mess™

SUMMARY

gguki: [image attached] gguki: what should i do with it chimothy: um chimothy: dude idk if i’m entitled to give you suggestions but chimothy: i mean you could always just stick it in the ass???????

or jungkook accidentally sends a stranger a picture of his roommate’s brand new dildo

PREVIEW

the (9)7 wonders of the world

tol: ok here’s the plan dabs 24/7: yugyeom no offence but your plans kinda suck muscle pig: ^^ what bambam said muscle pig: i don’t trust you anymore tol: wow that hurt tol: but i promise you this one will be better dabs 24/7: don’t do it kook tol: it won’t backfire in any way

untilted vhope pairing(s): vhope, namjin genre: humour, fluff tags/warnings: college au, skype dates, profanity, neurobiology/pyschology major!namjoon, ra!jin, music major!yoongi (i think), some major!hoseok, and high schooler!tae, tbh idrk bc i haven’t finished writing it lmao

SUMMARY

When Jung Hoseok signed up for college, he didn’t think he’d end up on academic probation so soon. Hell, he’d never guess he’d have friends who would use him as a fucking lab rat for their atrocious experiments. He definitely did not expect to fall in love with his resident advisor’s little brother—and then proceed to sneak into said resident advisor’s room and hack his computer just to have one more Skype date with the little brother. Without getting caught by said resident advisor. Yeah—he’s a little stressed, to say the least.

→ a continuation of It’s Burning Up in Here.

PREVIEW

He didn’t sign up for this. He thought college would be a great idea—who would pass up the opportunity for ultimate freedom and youthful stupidity? No, he was ecstatic for college—but he definitely hadn’t signed up to be the fucking victim for his resident advisor’s boyfriend’s experiments.

“Hoseok-ssi, please stay still or otherwise this will hurt. A lot,” Namjoon begged as his friend Yoongi tried to hold him down on the fragile coffee table.

“That’s not what your needle’s saying! You said it was a harmless experiment! You said I’d be fine!”

“You will be! I just need practice drawing blood once—”

“You’ve never even done this before?” Hoseok shrieked, writhing some more. Yoongi growled in frustration and flung his entire weight onto Hoseok’s body—and thus effectively snapping the legs of the coffee table and sending them down towards the floor.

His advisor ran into the room then, eyes wide in alarm while holding a skillet filled with half-cooked meat, his creased white apron reading World’s Best Dad! in pretty cursive pink. “What the hell is going on here?”

untitled taekook* pairing(s): taekook, yoonjin genre: fluff, angst, humour, crack tags/warnings: restaurant au, running away, mentions of nudity, exhibitionism, does getting caught dancing naked in your room count as exhibitionism idek, mention of mpreg, but there’s no actual mpreg, i mean it’s the sims it’s not real, many many references to the male organ, but sorry folks no smut (A/N: this is literally what i have in my docs wow i’m such a nerd for preparing ao3 tags LMAO)

SUMMARY

The last thing Jungkook expected after running away to Seoul is to score a private live viewing of Naked_Neighbour_Dancing_In_His_Bedroom.mov—and then proceed to bump into him when he’s not-so-naked. And then also manage to greet him with a slap. It also probably doesn’t help that Nude Neighbour is his new boss. All in all, Jungkook just maybe kinda wants to die. (But of course Seokjin isn’t gonna allow him, so he’s just going to suffer—for now.)

PREVIEW

He sighs, turning his head to gaze out of the window, only to freeze when he realises his view isn’t exactly the most… decent.

Because across from his small studio apartment window is a perfect view of a larger apartment in the building across, and currently, the tenant (he hopes the boy’s the tenant) is enthusiastically dancing through his room completely naked, dinglehopper fully on display. He’s mouthing the words to some song, throwing a finger up in the air as he shuts his eyes and nods his head as though the music (Jungkook thinks there’s music) blasting in his room is speaking to him on a spiritual level.

Jungkook’s face is bright red when he finally breaks out of his trance, and he wishes he wasn’t so bad at reacting appropriately to inappropriate situations so he could at least have saved himself from adding a thirty-second clip of Nude Neighbour to his collection of non-digital memories. He rushes to the window and pulls the curtains close, fingers stiff as he tries to rid his brain of such scandalous images.

At least he was hot.

His face is redder now—if that’s even possible. “Fuck me,” he whispers, and then flushes even more. “Wait, no. Don’t fuck me. That’s not what—why am I even talking to myself. Agh.”

take these words out of my lungs (and set them free) pairing(s): vmin genre: angst, fluff tags/warnings: major character death, suicide attempt, depression, body image issues, depressed!jimin, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, ambiguous original character that appears for like five seconds, high school au

SUMMARY/PREVIEW

three pounds. that’s how much he’s gained since he last stepped on the scale, the dictator that rules over his life. he stares at the numbers again, frowning at the digits glaring up at him. perhaps there was a mistake; maybe the scale is rigged or jammed or simply broken. he couldn’t have possibly gained three pounds in a span of two days. hasn’t he been walking around his neighbourhood enough?

he sighs, stepping off the scale and turning around to flush the toilet before washing his hands. even the cold water burns his skin, and he wishes he could melt through the cracks on the floor. would he slim down then? would he finally be skinny enough?

“jimin!” he hears his mother call, and he forces his way from the sink, sneaking out his parent’s bathroom and into the living room outside. their apartment is small but cozy. jimin hates it.

untitled kim seokjin* pairing(s): platonic OT7 genre: fluff, angst tags/warnings: anxiety, depression, eating disorder, negative body image perception, lapslock (lower case)

SUMMARY

honestly, he can’t remember what it’s like to live anymore.

PREVIEW

breathe in. breathe out.

three lucky charms. four cereal pieces. seven bits down the drain.

he smiles, staring at the milk-stained sink as the spoon clatters against metal, bowl turned upside down. it’s ugly—white ink staining burnt grey like liquid cobwebs feeding on rust. it looks exactly as how he feels: dirty, wasted, trash. one-seventy-nine centimetres down the drain.

untitled kim taehyung pairing(s): Kim Taehyung/Reader genre: fluff, humour, probably angst bc knowing me tags/warnings: (sor far) nudity, profanity

SUMMARY/PREVIEW

Kim Taehyung has no regrets. Sure, he probably should’ve thought twice before he spent all of his money on BIGBANG merch just to show Jungkook that yes, he’s the bigger fanboy, and sure, he definitely should’ve listened to Jimin when he warned Taehyung that no, he shouldn’t eat three whole pizza pies by himself, but that doesn’t mean he regrets any of his decisions. Even though blowing all his earnings on people he’ll never meet did cause him to starve for a good or so month.

(Thank god for ramyeon.)

So, no, Jimin, he doesn’t regret running out of the shower butt naked when he heard her singing on her way to the second floor of their co-ed dorm, doesn’t regret shouting, “I love your voice!” before she screamed, “Oh my god, you’re naked!” And he definitely doesn’t regret yelling, “Oh, shit!” into Oblivion before sprinting back into the bathroom to resume the hot shower he abandoned.

“For fuck’s sake, Taehyung,” Jimin says to him once Taehyung’s finished recounting the story, the two of them lying side by side on Jimin’s bed. “You’re going to get us kicked out.”

“I should probably say hi,” Taehyung muses, blinking at the ceiling. “Do you think she remembers me?”

Jimin glances down, and snickers. “With how small your dick is, she probably does.”

untitled park jimin pairing(s): Park Jimin/Reader genre: fluff tags/warnings: (so far) blind!reader

SUMMARY

He is an angel; and she doesn’t need to see to believe. She fathoms his widespread wings as he gently picks her up, worriedly and urgently asking for her health, voice so soft it touches her skin like silk on smooth glass. His eyes must be crinkled in the corners, a smile stuttering through apologies, heart too warm for the human hand to touch. She imagines what he looks like, faintly deciding through his rapid Korean that he must be chesnut if not vanilla, not in skin but in connotation because he sounds and smells and feels like home.

Her pause is a millennia long, and she hears him repeat himself again, the sound of melting marshmallow oozing out of beautiful lips: “Are you alright?”

She produces a smile, feathery and light, eyes glassy and the world continues to remain black. “I’m fine,” she replies, and her voice is cracked from its lack of use; she hasn’t met anyone worth talking to in what feels like a century. Another smile reappears, much strained than what she’s used to, and she picks herself up from where the concrete lay, the dust falling from her voile skirt. “No damage done.”

untitled kim taehyung #2* pairing(s): Kim Taehyung/Reader, platonic OT7 genre: fluff, angst tags/warnings: i think it’s schizophrenia?, mental illnesses, depression

SUMMARY/PREVIEW

There is a moment when time stands still. It’s fleeting, escaping the moment your fingers curl around it and pull. But it is during this moment happiness enraptures you with its warm hug as your heart thunders against your chest—the steady thump, thump, thump of a snare drum awakening. It is during this moment pain ceases to exist.

But after, everything will come rushing back.

i have more but these are the ones that are decent, at the very least.

to pass the torch on, i’ll tag @minmelly @kinky-koreans @pasteljeonggukk @haneulismykoreanname @rnjmnster and anyone else who wants to do it! (if you don’t, no pressure. good luck to you and your writing!)

#tags #i actually have like 10 more wips #i didn't know i had this many #will i actually write any of these #hopefully at some point

5 notes · View notes

twixtandshout · 7 years

Note

ok for the HC thing: the skelebros, undyne and alphys ofc! Thennn uhh Muffet grillby toriel or mettaton? burgerpants. Basically anyone tbh don't gotta do all bc it's a lot but any tbh I'm satisfied lmao

I’m gonna split these up into separate posts, if that’s alright, cause that’s a long list and my answers are only gonna make it longer. >:3c First up: the skelebros!

2 // 3 // 4 // 5

Type A: Realistic headcanons

I think it is super freaking likely that Papyrus is Gaster, or at least related to Gaster somehow. There are just too many weird things that don’t add up. (And I am happy to discuss this further if anyone wants more deets, but I’m pretty sure the people who are reading this have already gotten a pretty thorough lecture about this, lol.) I hc both skelebros as having autism-spectrum disorders, Papyrus with straight autism I think and Sans with sensory processing disorder. Pap’s special interests are puzzles and classic literature, but he can’t really indulge the latter cause books don’t fare so well at the dump; Sans’s special interests are astronomy and the science of magic, and I think he’s also picked up a lot of info on mechanics and especially cars. Sans also has pretty severe depression and a bit of anxiety, which he hides very well, and he’s got suicidal ideation but he realized a long time ago that wouldn’t go anywhere so he’s kinda just made peace with it. That’s a lot about Sans I guess, so, uh… Papyrus actually enjoys puns, he’s just annoyed because Sans keeps making the same few over and over again and they’re not even good. They are, objectively, terrible puns, and he knows his brother can do so much better than this – no, he doesn’t think Sans is “trying to tell a fibia about his skills”, that doesn’t even work!! Honestly!!

Type B: Hilarious headcanons

This isn’t that funny of a headcanon, I guess, but Sans isn’t a jerk about his practical jokes. Like, if he whoopie cushions somebody and he can tell they’re super embarrassed and upset about it, he’s not gonna keep targeting them or anything. I mean, sure, he’ll pull other pranks, but he’s not going to give someone who doesn’t deserve it a hard time.

…that being said, he’s uncannily good at detecting if people think a prank is hilarious but refuse to admit it. Which might have something to do with how many pranks he pulls on Grillby.

This one I just straight-up stole from my favorite Undertale fic, Never a Lovely So Real: Sans is a literal heavy sleeper and casts blue magic on himself whenever he falls asleep. Nobody can lift him up unless they can counteract the weight, so it’s not unusual for Snowdiners to have to call Papyrus in so he can come pick up his brother from wherever he’s made a nuisance of himself this time. And, going along with that, Sans falls asleep in weird places all the time. Grillby’s found him sleeping in the sink. One time he fell asleep under the ice in the local pond. Some poor soul opened their closet and found him upside-down and hanging from his slippers in there. This is the cost of living in Snowdin.

And, again, sorry, that’s a lot of Sans stuff. Um, one time Pap lost control of his gravity-defying floaty thing and ended up pinned to the ceiling for, like, an entire day. He is an amazing ice skater, but the last time he went he ended up skating over his brother under the ice, and that freaked him out so badly that he hasn’t gone near the pond in years.

Type C: Tragic headcanons

Pretty sure this is just straight canon, but: Sans made it into the royal guard, even though being a sentry doesn’t exactly count, and Papyrus didn’t. At all. That’s why Sans has actual sentry stands and Papyrus has a cardboard station.

This one’s been done, too, but here’s a bit of a different spin on it – Sans is aware of resets but doesn’t remember them, whereas Papyrus remembers them but doesn’t know what they are. So Sans is kind of locked in his one-man personal tragedy, piecing together what happened by facial cues and half-remembered nightmares because he feels like it’s his duty to remember as much as he can, whereas Papyrus is blurting out details about the future right and left because he knows what happened but doesn’t know that everyone else doesn’t. (That’s one reason why he has such a hard time making friends.)

And one more… um, it’s a hc of mine that monsters, while very advanced in many ways, don’t have much knowledge about mental health and things like that, because they’re putting so much time and energy into figuring out the Barrier that they don’t bother researching anything else. So monsters are, as a whole, very accepting of those outside the norm – like, for example, there isn’t institutional discrimination against monsters we’d consider to be ‘neuroatypical’, even if some specific monsters are jerks about that kind of thing – but because no one really knows about it, it’s treated more as a personal quirk than a treatable condition, know what I mean? Which is why Papyrus berates his brother so much for being so lazy, cause he thinks it’s an actual choice Sans is making instead of a condition he’s dealing with, and why Sans has such a low opinion of himself, cause he legitimately believes he is completely at fault and doesn’t understand why he can’t just… not be like this. Papyrus is slightly better off in this respect, because Sans is an amazing big brother who makes utterly no bones about how much he loves his bro, but he deals with the same kind of self-hatred.

Aaaaaaaand I love everything about Undertale, including its canon, so I’m gonna ignore Type D. Hopefully this’ll be enough skeleton headcanons to tide you over until we get to the rest of the list.

#answerin' stuff #skelebros #sans #papyrus #undertale #undertale headcanons #long post

5 notes · View notes

baereaved · 7 years

Note

5, 9, 16, 19, 20, 28. ok i think thats enough that haha (for the dgm ask! :D)

thank you for the ask & for making these!

send me some dgm asks~

5. Were you a fan before the anime came out?

before the original anime? definitely not lmao. i’ve been a fan of dgm for years now though, so i was a fan before hallow came out.

9. If you could be in a relationship (any type) with a character, who would it be?

undoubtedly sheril, & i’d really like to be married to him & have him be head over heels in love w/ me, but i’ll settle for a business marriage if that’s what it takes tbh. anything for bae

16. If you had Innocence, which type would you like to have?

equipment, probably? my self-insert oc has shackles around their wrists w/ chains that extend and can be used for like. stabbing people. or choking them. or tying them up. or just swinging around like spiderman. so i’d like to have those~

19. Which character can you relate the most to?

hm. link, probably. unfailingly bad taste in men, resting bitch face for days, love of paperwork, likes to bake, etc. we’re basically the same persontyki, too. i always had the same issue of being torn between two sides of my life and trying to figure out what to do. it’s less prominent now, though.

20. With whom would you like to play games and what kind of games?

this is cute, but, like, no one, ‘cause i’d lose. pretty much all of the noah could find some way to cheat, as could allen and lavi, and most of the people in the science division could outsmart me, lenalee could probably outsmart me too, and i’d probably win against miranda or kanda but if i did then miranda would spiral into self-hatred and kanda would kill me, so. maybe fiidora? he seems pretty dumb and chill, so i’d probably win and he probably wouldn’t be too upset about losing. let’s just play smth chill, like, checkers.that, or, i will happily play dungeons and dragons with, like, lavi and johnny and any other nerds who wanna join, but only if wisely is DMalso, cards against humanity would be fun with the entire cast

28. With whom would you like to go out for a drink?

um. hm. someone fun, but who won’t fuck me up if i’m drunk, so immediately not lavi, cross, or any of the noah. not allen, because he’d hate it, not kanda, bc he’s not a fun drunk, not lena bc i’m not here to corrupt her or get komui to murder me. i’d say reever, but i’m pretty sure he doesn’t drink. not johnny, bc i’d feel obligated to take care of him. i think probably reni? fun & beautiful & if she does fuck me up i won’t mindi mean i might end up having been kidnapped and experimented on, but ideally it’ll just be good times

#if only i could glo up the way link did #ask #maid gon #thaaank u!

3 notes · View notes

dismissyourdoubt · 7 years

Text

03/18/2017

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. Seven Wonders by Fleetwood Mac, Self Control by Frank Ocean ft. Yung Lean and Austin Feinstein, UGH! by The 1975, Love Money Party by Miley Cyrus ft. Big Sean, Someone Like You by Adele, In My Eyes by Best Coast.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Honestly I can’t deny my love for Anderson Cooper like hi daddy

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. “...time. I cover her up, then go to bed and dream.”

4) What do you think about most? Honestly, boys and work.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? It says: “wait the hoodie was more than that it was a different one i was looking at but still got it for $18 bc only 36”

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? I sleep with underwear on, but that’s it.

7) What’s your strangest talent? Fucking things up and pushing people away, overthinking everything.

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence) Literally as if @ this question

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Um yeah guys actually all of Frank Ocean’s love songs are about me because we’re in love soooooo

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? As if I know

11) Do you have any strange phobias? I have a pretty bad fear of ovens? Like I’m afraid that I’ll basically either fall in or be pushed in and then burn myself and die.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? No but there’s a hilarious story about my dad sticking a pencil eraser up his nose in Catholic school and what happened when it got stuck up there...

13) What’s your religion? I don’t really follow any religion, I like certain aspects of Buddhism but I don’t know enough about it to actually consider myself a Buddhist. Sooo yeah I don’t know.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Walking to/from the bus stop for work, because in the winter that’s really the only reason I leave the house, lmao.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it, usually... Although I film fake vlogs all the time because I think it’s so fun...

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Okay so like the way this question is phrased, I’m only considering bands, not solo artists. So... hmm... Daughter

17) What was the last lie you told? I told my dad I can’t go to a family dinner tomorrow because I have a test, he doesn’t know my driver’s license is suspended because of a speeding ticket and I don’t have it back yet...

18) Do you believe in karma? I mean, I like the idea of it. I don’t know if I necessarily believe that it actually happens.

19) What does your screen name mean? Song lyrics, from Broken by S. Carey.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My greatest weakness is honestly my depression and the fact that I’m awful at taking care of myself; my greatest strengths are my work ethic and my intelligence.

21) Who is your celebrity crush? I mean if I had to pick just one I’d probably have to say Tom Daley... or Hunter Parrish?

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? I actually don’t think I have.

23) How do you vent your anger? By texting a friend or something like that. I normally don’t get “angry” though, more just annoyed or upset.

24) Do you have a collection of anything? I have a collection of antique keys, tapestries, glass pieces and other stoner shit.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? I mean honestly neither like just text me honey, it’s much easier for me that way

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become? This is a good question. I look at who I was a little over a year ago, and I’ve definitely changed as a person, and the change has definitely been for the better. So, in that regard, I’m happy with the person I’ve become. At the same time, I do feel that I have such a long way to go. I want to start going back to the gym and make a lot of other changes in my life. But I’m definitely on an upward journey.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Okay I’ll just say I love the sound of Kehlani’s voice because I’m listening to her right now... And I hate the sound of babies crying.

28) What’s your biggest “what if”? What if I can never have a successful relationship and I end up alone?

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I mean, honestly, I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t be that surprised if either of them existed. So I’ll just go with yes for both.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. With my right arm, I touched the back of the couch I’m sitting on. With my left arm, I touched the wall right next to me. So exciting.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell? Oregano ;)

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Is college an answer to this question?

33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast? Definitely West Coast, even though I live in Pennsylvania, I’m dying to move to California...

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? This is a hard question because there are so many queens I’ve been idolizing lately... Tinashe, Kehlani, Jhené Aiko, Beyoncé, Zara Larsson, Ariana Grande, like damn they’re all hot as hell, you know?

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? As if this question isn’t gonna send me into an existential crisis.

36) Define: Art. Okay literally.

37) Do you believe in luck? I mean, yeah, I definitely think that at some points in your life you are “luckier” than you are at other points in your life. But, I think it’s entirely coincidental how much “luck” you have at any given point in time.

38) What’s the weather like right now? It’s not as cold as it’s been the past few weeks. I think it’s around 40, and it’s kind of windy/rainy, but not snowing (it was last night), so that’s good.

39) What time is it? 7:22 PM

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I drive. I’ve never been in an accident, although I did have a near-death experience driving on the parkway a few months back. It was raining and my tires started spinning out of control; I almost crashed off the side of the road and then my car swerved across both lanes of traffic and almost crashed into the middle barrier... Then somehow I regained control of the vehicle. Crazy shit. Not fun.

41) What was the last book you read? I literally don’t know. Maybe Perks of Being a Wallflower?

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? In a way, yes.

43) Do you have any nicknames? Nothing really other than Kev which is just short for Kevin.

44) What was the last movie you saw? Get Out. It was fucking wild. Especially because I went into it without having seen any trailers or anything like that... But I highly recommend.

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Ummm, I’ve never broken a bone or anything like that, so I’m honestly not sure lmfao

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? I haven’t and now I’m kind of sad that I haven’t. Like thanks for calling my attention to that.

47) Do you have any obsessions right now? Kehlani, I’m definitely obsessed with her right now, like without a doubt. Her and Tinashe but what else is new.

48) What’s your favorite music genre? R&B

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Of course.

50) Do you believe in magic? I mean, probably.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? I try not to. I mean, when I cut someone out of my life, it’s (typically) pretty permanent. But I also understand that people change, so I’m not sitting around holding onto hatred for anyone.

52) What is your astrological sign? Capricorn

53) Do you save money or spend it? A combination of both. I make enough money that I can do that ;)

54) What’s the last thing you purchased? I spent like $400 on Amazon, oops. But that included nice chino pants, a ton of random drinks like Snapple and Diet Coke, a tiny golden statue of an elephant, you know, things I totally needed... I also bought a beginner’s dabbing kit which included a little wax container, a dabber, a carb cap, and a titanium nail, so yeah that’s cool.

55) Love or lust? This is a hard question. Like lust is so much better when it’s passionate and there are feelings (love) involved, and love can be so great but love also hurts like fuck. So I mean you know there are definitely pros and cons to both so I don’t know.

56) In a relationship? HAAAAAA AS IF

57) Are you a virgin? Nope.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Nope, definitely can’t do that.

59) Where were you yesterday? Work, then home, which is literally how I spend 99% of my days, so no surprise there.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? CYNTHIA IS PINK

61) Are you wearing socks right now? Nah son

62) What’s your favorite animal? The zebra. I just think they’re so beautiful and majestic and stuff.

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? I really don’t have one? I just act like myself and hope for the best?

64) Where is your best friend? She’s at a party with her boyfriend’s family.

66) What is your heritage? Like primarily Czechoslovakian on my dad’s side, I’m not too sure about my mom’s side, but you know I’m basically as white as they come.

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping. I’m an old man so I go to bed early now.

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name? This is the stupidest question ever and I’m also just noticing that question 69 is missing. And 65 was missing too. Probably others. Bish wut.

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yes, I’ll always listen if you need to talk about anything, I’m pretty chill and easy to get along with.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I would stop to save the dog, then explain the story to my boss. If the boss wasn’t understanding about that and honestly wanted me to leave a dog there to die, that’s probably not someone I’d want to work for anyways.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? a) Yes, I tell a select few. b) I travel, try different drugs, try to experience as much as possible in my last month. c) Obviously I would be afraid?

73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love. Love, trust is impossible for me anyways.

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Distraction by Kehlani, current obsession

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 8108

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? There are a lot of things that make up a great relationship, I’m certainly no relationship expert but I think some of the more important of those things are mutual trust, attraction, respect, and compatibility.

77) How can I win your heart? Consistent communication, paying attention to the little things, asking how I am, stuff like that.

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Absolutely.

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Dropping out of traditional college and switching to an online university.

80) What size shoes do you where? YOU MEAN WEAR? 10.5 or 11.

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Ya know, my name, birthday, death date, maybe a cute little illustration, nothing too fancy, just the standard tombstone because I’m nothing too special.

82) What is your favorite word? I really don’t have an answer to this question...

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart. I thought of the song Black Heart by Carly Rae Jepsen.

84) What is a saying you say a lot? AS IF

85) What’s the last song you listened to? Currently listening to Nights by Frank Ocean my king.

86) Basic question: what’s your favorite color/colors? Growing up, green was always my favorite color, like olive green. But honestly now I’m more into the blues? And obviously black.

87) What is your current desktop picture? It’s like a scenic portrait of a mountain and a sunset.

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Donald Trump. Am I going to get arrested for typing that?

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Honestly ask me anything, I’m not afraid to tell the truth, haha.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? I really wonder how stoned the person was who wrote this survey...

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Ability to read minds! Or invisibility. Yeah I’d actually probably like invisibility the best.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Can I just erase the entirety of 2015?

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? FRANK OCEAN

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Somewhere in California or Hawaii. Or maybe I should leave the country and go somewhere nice in Europe like Amsterdam.

96) Do you have any relatives in jail? No I don’t.

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? I never have.

98) Ever been on a plane? Yeah, like three or four times.

0 notes