#just don’t bring any of this to the real people involved and stay respectful if you happen to meet them

[sunglassesmish]

okay im relatively new to fandom (only seriously got into it a couple years ago, this is my first year on tumblr) and maybe im overthinking this but like. i dont know i get weird about anything involving real people and i almost feel … bad ? for being a /hj cockles & jenmisheel fan. just checking that im either a) not alone or b) overthinking this and it’s absolutely fine

you are not alone in it. they are real people and no matter how much we interact with them at cons or on social media we aren’t their friends and speculating and discussing their personal lives will always feel a little weird. but i know i would never confront any of them with my theories or speculation or questions or anything. all the things that they say and do in front of hundreds of fans is what i perceive. i know at the end of the day that i’m not their friend, i don’t know them personally and anything i say or think stays on this app. so i wouldn’t say you’re over thinking it, but just know there are so many other people who feel the same but are happy to perceive their relationship(s), whatever the nature of them is, as just a show of love. all we do here is celebrate the love and respect they have for each other.

#anon #ask #i hope this makes sense #just don’t bring any of this to the real people involved and stay respectful if you happen to meet them #and it’s okay (imo)

[alfredosauce50]

I’ve barely seen any content on Kuro, which is a shame because a lot of people seem interested in him. After many months of requests and a decisive popularity vote, I’m going out on a limb and the feeling in my gut to present this absolute dish.

2p! Japan headcanons

He’s sharp, blunt, and even a little mean, but makes it a point to live a carefree life. He does whatever he wants with no regard for others. Everything comes naturally for him, and he doesn’t falter. Or does he?

Appearance

You’d have to kill him before he gets a bowl cut. He had one as a kid and has not looked back since. Instead, he likes his hair on the longer end so he can tie it in a bun or short ponytail. If not, he might rock a shaved updo tied at the top.

Kuro is on the shorter end—whatever 5’6” may be to you. He also goes out quite often, either to play at the batting cages or enjoy night life. For real baseball games, he has to run a lot under the sun, so he has an athletic build and a slight tan. Swimming is also something he enjoys, and in the hotter months when he frequents the beach, he picks up a crazy tan from his trunks.

He has a good sense of fashion. He might not go all out like a lot of young folks do, but he does dress smart. Some of his go-to’s are loose blouses, harem pants, and shirts with kimono sleeves cut at the elbow. Any longer and he’ll tell you it’s too much. He also has ear piercings and a lot of tattoos on his neck, arms, and back.

Personality

He’s a quiet extrovert. Kuro may not talk much, being such a private person, but he enjoys being in the company of friends. In fact, he keeps a tight circle for the sole purpose of hanging out. Anything more and it’ll feel as if he’s being pried into. Regardless, he does like his group, even if he won’t openly admit it (he always shows up).

He has an Osaka accent. It sounds much more casual than the Tokyo accent, and may even come off as rude. While most people call idiots ‘バカ,’ (baka) he calls them ‘アホ’ (aho). If he were to say ‘very,’ he would say ‘めっちゃ’ (meccha). “この水着はどう？めっちゃめっちゃ可愛いじゃん？” (How about this swimsuit? Isn’t it cute?) And he’s holding up the raciest bikini you’ve ever seen. Pro-tip: don’t bring him clothes shopping.

On top of being nonchalant, Kuro is very blunt. He won’t hesitate to tell you his opinion whether you asked for it or not. How the shirt doesn’t suit you, that you’re slow at washing up, or you’re bad at something. It’s only tolerable because he’s right 99% of the time, and he doesn’t mean anything by it. If you understand and respect that, you’ve already gotten past his biggest quirk.

“This chicken is kinda dry. Did you use flour instead of potato starch?” He crunches on a piece.

“That’s how fried chicken is usually made.”

“Not a fan.”

“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it.” You say, reaching out for his plate. He holds it away from you.

He keeps you on the edge. Kuro comes off as neutral most of the time, but can switch it up instantly. You had an inkling he was teasing you with his nonchalance (e.g. suggesting a sexy bikini for you to try) but you can never guess when he’s about to change. Just when you least expect it, he’ll have the slyest smirk on his face. “But you put in so much effort to make it for me. I’ll clean off the plate, even if it tastes bad.”

Kuro can be a little shit. Aside from making fun of you, he loves getting on your nerves. Purposely blocking your way, scrambling up your food when you’re trying to take a picture, and even lifting your skirt to see what’s underneath. One slap and an earful later, he’ll stop. He’s always testing your patience, but he knows you well enough to stay just under the threshold.

He’s very cynical. About people, things, and ideas. Again, it’s hard to hold it against him when he’s usually right. However, it gets particularly bad when there’s jealousy involved. Since he’s emotionally constipated, he’d rather say hurtful things than to admit he’s the one who’s hurt.

“He’s only being nice to you because he wants to get in your pants.” He remarks, lifting a cup to his mouth.

“I would ask if you’re speaking from experience, but you’re not really nice to me.” You walk to the door with your things, not sparing him so little as a glance. “So at least he’s doing something right.”

“Who said I’m trying to get in your pants?”

He’s not protective until the very last minute. Kuro trusts you to be responsible and to find your way without his help. The independence may be healthy, but he’s there when you need him—even if he has something to say about it. Essentially, he’s kind without his words matching his actions. Kuro will buy a whole basket of things for you if you’re short on money, but not without calling you dumb first. “Stop putting things back, dummy. I’m paying for everything.”

Interests

He’s a popular tattoo-artist. Kuro is excellent at drawing—his designs are unique, dark, and more on the explicit side, which his clients can’t seem to get enough of. Because he’s always booked out, he spends a great deal of time in his studio. He has surgeon hands, can concentrate for hours on end, and wears glasses while he works.

At home, he’s coming up with new designs for his portfolio. If you watch him work, he’s always ready to pop the question. “So, when will you let me do your tattoo? I can do anywhere you like.”

He’s a pervert. Aside from making suggestive or riqué comments (like wanting to tattoo you on questionable places on your body) he consumes a lot of adult content. Weirdly enough, he’s pretty subtle about it. The only person he openly talks about it with is Alfred. For that reason, you call them the ‘degenerate duo.’ Not that you need to be privy to their conversations to know how he is.

Kuro loves baseball. He has his own bat, glove, uniform and everything. Games are harder to organize when it requires so many players, but he’s more than happy to play a mini one with you. If not, he’ll go to the batting cages for a swing.

He’s a night owl. When he’s done with work for the day, he’ll take you out to town. The bars, izakayas, and arcades in Japan are fantastic. Now, it’s midnight when you both head out, and he’s not tired at all. One of these days, you might suspect Kuro is a part of the sleepless elite.

Psychology + romance

Being friends with him is already hard enough. He’s mean, sly and a total pervert. But when he’s not those things, he’s smart, kind, and knows how to have fun. If you make that trade and stay around, you’re well on your way to being a valued person in his life. And if you keep up with him, your chemistry will develop from there on out.

He can’t resist someone who can go toe-to-toe with him. If you can hold conversations with him, great. If you can bicker with him, even better. It’s not really conflict he’s looking for, but an equal. It’s comforting to be around someone who thinks like him, or at least, understands him. Being with you will be effortless, and he’ll find himself looking for you, again and again.

Kuro changes his habits for you. He could have the chance to do anything in the city, and yet, he’d give that up to do groceries with you. He’d rather pick out fruit and veg with you than go out with his friends. At that point, it’s pretty obvious he has a thing for you. He knows it, his friends know it, but it’s only you that stays oblivious. “These apples are better. Just weigh them as the cheaper ones so we can save some money.”

After all, how could he? He said so himself he wasn’t interested in getting with you. Kuro never lies, but here he is, lying to your face to protect himself. He can’t be vulnerable to save a life. Everything he ever says to you is a testament to that. Being blunt, being negative, and making fun of you is just how he avoids his feelings.

Because of his dishonesty, there will be rifts in the relationship; you start thinking he just simply doesn’t like you. And it can’t be mended by his other love languages. He could do everything in the world for you, but it feels substantial for how much shit he gives you. “I washed the clothes,” or “I made curry,” may as well be a nicer way of saying what he already has: I don’t like your food and you don’t know how to do the laundry.

The breaking point is when you both argue for the first time. Jealousy is a cruel mistress, and he just made a rude comment about the person you’re seeing--then how you have bad taste. Kuro regrets everything the second you start crying. His eyes go wide and his heart just sinks. The pain in your voice is jarring, and the way you look at him goes to show how he’s treated you.

“You’re always so mean to me,” You raise a hand to wipe away your tears, but it’s no use when they keep falling. “You never say anything nice about me. If you don’t like me, why do we even see each other?”

He’s too ashamed to say anything. The rest of the night is quiet, and you’re still upset because he hasn’t offered any closure. Just when you’re about to give up on him, he does the completely unexpected. While you’re getting ready for bed, he’s watching from the doorway with his arms folded. “Do you want to sleep with me tonight?”

If you agree, nothing will happen—maybe except keeping you close enough so you don’t leave. After a night or two, he’ll give a proper apology for being unfair to you. But if you keep sleeping with him, it won’t be long before he gives in to your expectant stares and leans in. Only then does he give you the closure you’ve been waiting for: a slow and sensual kiss. He draws out every movement he makes just to feel your lips.

Kuro is an emotionally-intense lover. He feels very deeply, and can be quite sensitive. If you’re perceptive of him, he’ll return the favor tenfold. His affection is more of a constant thought than anything, but that’s what makes touching so intoxicating. Not a single brush goes unnoticed, and he relishes every hug he gives you.

#Source: I made it up #can’t say how good this reads because this is a completely new take #alfredosauce50 #2p Japan #2ptalia #hetalia #hetalia headcanon #hetalia headcanons #hetalia fanfiction #update #hetalia x reader #axis powers ヘタリア #hetalia fanfic #2p! Japan

[dearweirdme]

genuine question: do you guys not think it's incredibly unhealthy to sit online speculating about literal strangers' sexualities all day? do y'all not see how grossly disrespectful that is just as a general concept? these are people none of you have EVER met or spent ANY actual personal time with. they don't know you and therefore have never disclosed details about their romantic life bc it isn't your business??? what gives ANY OF YOU the right to hyper analyze everything they do to attribute it to their sexuality? i'm trying to understand how you all could possibly say you love them but don't have enough respect for any of them to simply be fans of their music and leave this weird ship at the door. y'all hyperanalyze all their body language to confirm they're in love but ignore them mentioning how the comments section is never fun to look at (bc it's ALWAYS just shippers being stupidly unhinged) and the very obvious discomfort the shipping shit brings them. most of you shippers are straight women fetishizing. most of you shippers are larries who jumped ship when 1d disbanded. most of you are grown adults who need to get offline and get real hobbies that don't involve breaking down the potentiality of sexuality for people you literally don't know personally. how do all of you have so much audacity and so much time to think half-critically but no time at all to introspect on the level of sheer delusion you have to willfully exist in to perpetuate this narrative shamelessly? this is so sick. how do y'all not feel awful about all the blatant, obvious, perceivable stress you shippers cause them? why can’t y'all behave like actual people with empathy and ethics?

Hi anon!

You are not sending me a genuine question. If that had been your aim you would’ve worded your ask differently. I also wonder if you send asks like this to blogs and accounts who talk and speculate about their relationships with women.. because if you are not actually being homophobic right now.. that would be the same.

I understand the delicacy in this. Except for the part of tour ask that seems homophobic (and plain rude and extremely biased on many accounts) I can even understand you wanting people to stay out of their private business to some level. You want to protect them from harm and I very much applaud that, even though I think your reasoning is faulty in some ways. It is for instance nothing new or weird for fans to care for and be interested in the private lives of artists. It’s something that the artists themselves and their labels/companies also know and at times even feed into. It’s basically inherent to the fan/artist situation. It’s just human nature to be interested in things like this.. is that bad? I don’t know if a word like bad or good applies here.. it’s just human to me.

You look at all shippers and their ways as the same. I think there’s many different kinds of shippers. There’s definitely those that go way too far. People should never confront members themselves with these things. Don’t go in their comments with Taekook or Jkk mentions. Don’t bring banners to concerts, just.. don’t. Not to blow my own horn.. but I would never! Also the constant searching for proof in the tiniest things… it’s so unnecessary and it makes people look crazy and (!) it takes away from the seriousness that this situation brings with it. Which brings me to my reason for talking about this.

Aside from thinking Tae and Jk are super cute and adorably in love, there’s the underlying issue of queerness still not being socially accepted in so many places all around the world. I think it’s important to talk about these things (even as a straight adult, because the more people talk about these things.. the more influence we have in making things better for the future). If no one was to ever talk about celebrities being closeted or closeting in general.. there would be no progress. I am fairly sure about what I have seen between Tae and Jk.. I am also fairly sure that they are not ashamed about their queerness. That is why I talk about this. I feel I am doing this in a respectful way. There’s things I do not discuss (sexual stuff) because I feel that’s in general not useful for the conversation.

I am not willing to take responsibility for other Tkkrs behavior though. I talk about things for myself and for my own reasons. I like to think everyone is able to think for themselves and be responsible for the way they interact in fandom. I am my own person though.. I do not rile up Tkkrs to go leave annoying comments anywhere.

Mostly though.. I am talking about love, anon. The difference between you and me is that to you them being straight is the default and to me it is not. Your ‘speculation about sexuality’ feels harmful to me.. because it’s love that we talk about.. I really hate the notion that there’s a difference between same sex love and straight love for you.

#fandom shenanigans #also #this is tumblr #taekook

[zalrb]

I’ve seen so many people say that Stefan only loved someone if they saw him as a hero and he wasn’t in love with Elena anymore in s4 because he couldn’t be her hero anymore. Also that Stefan only fell in love with orphaned girls. First Katherine, then Elena, then Caroline. What do you have to say about this?

On the real, part of me just wants to leave my response at, based on the meticulous and involved masterlist that's pinned to my blog that answers these types of ridiculous assertions in various posts even if not directly asked, I think my stance is clear and the other part of me is bored so I'm debating.

I guess I'll go with the latter but I have to reiterate that these are stupid takes.

he wasn’t in love with Elena anymore in s4 because he couldn’t be her hero anymore.

4x23

besides the fact that I would never say Elena saw Stefan as a hero and I would say that Stefan never cared for anyone to see him as a hero, which is something I’ve explained in great detail over and fucking over again, I mean I have a masterlist, Damon is the one who wants to be Elena’s hero

to the point that Sybil gets her hooks in him by pretending to be an Elena desperate to be saved

even the framing of Damon running off to “get his girl” is very him swooping in to be her saviour or her hero

The language of Stelena is different

Damon tries to frame Stefan’s behaviour in 2x08 as “all hail hero hair Stefan going off to get his girl” but Stefan is literally just like, it’s not even about that. Elena is in trouble and I need to find her it’s really just that simple

which is the kind of attitude Elena herself has about Stefan

but not taking any of that into account (because who cares about context amirite) if their argument is that Elena didn’t see Stefan as her hero in season 4, I guess they’re forgetting that Elena still does rely on him quite a bit

From another post of mine (MASTERLIST) Like blood is supposed to be where they have their disagreement except that even with that, Elena looks to Stefan, they work together like a team

The one time she didn’t, she literally had no choice because she was sired to Damon and Damon explicitly told her not to tell him.

to the point that when she has no humanity, the way she chooses to explain to Rebekah that she’s a bad person is by bringing up how she destroyed her relationship with Stefan

and she was plainly jealous in season 4

Stefan simply de-centers himself because he’s not Damon and he respects boundaries so when they’re not together anymore and Elena is having issues, he’s not quick to swoop in and save the day because that’s not his place anymore, that’s Damon’s 

DErs should just say they hate boundaries and leave. Like we’ve all watched the show, there are receipts.

2. Also that Stefan only fell in love with orphaned girls. First Katherine, then Elena, then Caroline. 

So, people realize that TVD is a show right? And Stefan isn’t written as a character who specifically goes out of his way to fall in love with orphaned girls and it’s not even like it’s a pattern that the show didn’t realize they did, which makes him, I don’t even know what they’re trying to say with this accusation, that he likes women who don’t have parents so he can fill a void?  JP and co simply have a hard-on for killing off parents because it’s the only way they can think of to try and nuance their characters and/or get Elena to relate to them

Rebekah

Anna

Katherine

Rose

Who on this show isn’t an orphan or doesn’t have abandonment issues because their parents are negligent?

Tyler’s parents:

and then Damon kills Mason

Bonnie:

Grams died

her father died

her mother is absentee

and doesn’t even stick around when Enzo dies.

Matt

Kelly just disappears leaving him to fend off rent and car insurance on his own

even when Matt tells her to leave in 1x18, she didn’t have to go, she could physically leave the house and stay around to keep an eye on her son but she just straight up leaves

Caroline and Matt bond in season 1 because they both feel incredibly isolated, for her because Damon is abusive and for him because he has no one in his life, Kelly is never around, his father abandoned them and he thinks Vicki left too not knowing she was murdered 

Season 8  for Matt is all about contending with his dad abandoning him.

Hell, Kai has parental/family issues

The heretics are a found family because they were cast out by their covens. This is just a TVD staple.

3.  What do you have to say about this?

 What a STUPID argument.

#stelena #stefan salvatore #elena gilbert #the vampire diaries #dobsley

[jechristine]

I’m more disappointed in some of the fandom takes than anything Tom and Zendaya have done (or not done). I thought it was well known that in a fight silence always helps the oppressor. Tom and Zendaya not speaking up in support of their OWN union is cowardly and selfish. It doesn’t mean they need to be berated, but it’s also not up for debate. People come on here for an escape and therefore the apathy towards real life hardships is to be expected, but it’s the constant knee jerk reaction to defend multi-millionaires who can’t even do the bare minimum of making a silly little instagram post that’s getting annoying. I wish some people would have a little more shame when openly stating that they don’t care about things. Most people don’t care and don’t want to get involved and only look out for themselves. And there’s nothing wrong with some fans stating their disappointment and discussing politics on here. It’s not stopping anyone else from having their thoughtless fun

From last night—

I think this was specifically in response to my reblogging @alwayshuffy’s post in which she said that for her, as long as they’re not scabbing, Tom and Zendaya deserve no criticism around the topic of the actors’ strike.

I’m mentioning you huff because it’d be great if we could bring the conversations together on our blogs? (Now or in the future. I understand if you’re ready for a change of conversation this morning.) It hurts my feelings a bit when someone I’ve “known” for a while and whose opinions I respect blogs about my opinions/ideas without reblogging me or tagging me or mentioning me at all directly. I think I’be always been willing to hear other pov’s and/or agree to disagree.

Back to you, anon. I don’t think @alwayshuffy was saying that she didn’t care about unions, but just that she didn’t care if Tom & Zendaya care. I’d say I don’t think it’s fair to say that huffy blindly defends millionaires. I don’t think any of the blogs that I follow are like that. I know some do but I try to stay away.

For me, Tom & Zendaya’s stance on the strike is super engaging and worth thinking & talking about because it brings together my escapist hobby and an important topic that I spend a lot of irl energy thinking about. I love when the two merge like that, always have here. Some people may rather compartmentalize, and that’s valid, but not me. I’ve been here nearly two years now, and I can’t sustain interest if I’m not spending at least some time on weightier topics that come up here organically anyway.

I’m also not really here to make some good person/bad person final judgement on these celebs. And I place no value at all on being a good, upbeat, positive fan. Some of the blogs that I follow do, and that’s fine and I appreciate them for what they are, but that’s just not me. We each have our own angles and preferences and reasons for why we’re here.

And I have enough mutuals and followers who dig what I do to make this blog rewarding for me. So if any of you don’t like my approach to celebrity gossip, go ahead and unfollow.

🫡

[theteasetwrites]

My heart is broken because male fantasies have woven their way into our lives and destroyed female solidarity. The incestious feelings women in writing have scare me. You can be turned on by pretending your boyfriend / favorite character is your dad but never forget that the same men who get hard to that most likely will get hard to your children or their children calling them daddy. It is the pedophillic society we live in that makes it so romanticizing pedophillia isn’t frowned upon, talking about the pain it brings upon this world is what’s wrong. Call me a kinkshamer, call me a prude ( I’m not I wanna suck John wicks cock like there’s no tomorrow, I would lick that man’s asshole) but i don’t care. I hope every woman who is into these despicable things don’t have or are around child because they side with the rapists.

Lots of misunderstanding here I think. It's really not that deep, I promise you.

"Male fantasies have woven their way into our lives and destroyed female solidarity" that's rich coming from someone who is lecturing me, a woman, in my inbox. Women are supposed to stick together, right? Nice that you're accusing me, a woman, of supporting pedophilia (I'm not btw, and I'll get into that too). Isn't it interesting how women will shit on each other for being too "vanilla" in bed, but if they're too kinky or god forbid do anything remotely "taboo" in the privacy of their own bedroom, they still get shit on? Seems like we can't win. But no, definitely blame a woman for that, not men. It's all my fault, as a woman. Calling me "sad" for having my own agency and choosing what I want to write about. Oh, and you're also lucky I am not myself a victim of child sex abuse otherwise you'd feel pretty damn foolish for throwing around the term "pedophilic" so flippantly, I'm sure.

YOU are the one bringing kids into this. If you read my fic (which I am sure you didn't, and if you did, reading comprehension lessons are in order I'm afraid), you would know that there are no children involved and that this is a relationship (not real, might I add) between two consenting adults. And what are they doing? Reader calls Daryl "daddy" and Daryl calls himself that too. I understand if this isn't your thing. I respect that, I get it. I'm only marginally into it anyway, I just like to write shit that I am in the mood for. You don't have to read it, but don't go around saying anyone who enjoys that kind of thing is supporting and standing beside rapists. If that's your opinion whatever, but keep it to yourself because (surprise surprise) people aren't going to take very kindly to that.

If you want to go on this moral crusade, trying to shame people into believing that the use of a single WORD/pet name is harmful to society, I would suggest lecturing people in this fandom who write Carl x Negan, Daryl x Beth, Daryl x Lydia, Daryl x Judith... Why are you coming at me for writing a consenting adult/adult relationship that just happens to involve the use of the word "daddy?" Literally a word. Vibrations.

Where is this energy for, say, noncon/dubcon fanfiction? I can assure you that there are MUCH worse things being written out there. I side-eye certain things that I see, but do I go on anon and act all high and mighty in those writers' askboxes? No, I stay in my lane and I just ignore it because it's not my thing. I also don't think low of those people just because of what they choose to write. If that's what they want to do, that's what they want to do. Not my thing. I don't bother them about it. But you seem to think you're saving the world and being some kind of hero apparently.

I agree that there are many facets of society that romanticize pedophilia, but I don't think one piece of fanfiction shared on Tumblr is going to make any difference in that. I am not the person you need to be lecturing. Why don't you save that energy for actual pedophiles and people who sexualize minors. I am not sexualizing minors.

It is not my job to regulate how you interpret my writing. It is not my job to cater to you, a person who can't differentiate the sexual context of a word from the non-sexual context of it, a person who makes something into something it clearly isn't. Daddy is not inherently sexual, just as any other pet name is not inherently sexual. Yeah, I made it sexual. We could go into the psychology of it but at the end of the day, it's just a goddamn word.

Also love that you're making a joke about eating ass while ranting about something so serious and disgusting as pedophilia in the same breath, and I am the weird one. I don't think what I wrote was pedophilic. If you choose to believe that, that's your prerogative. You sending this to me isn't going to change my mind because I simply disagree with you.

"I hope every woman who is into these despicable things don’t have or are around child because they side with the rapists." Wow, that's some female solidarity right there!

#abbi speaks #:)

[alexbkrieger13]

Magda Eriksson: Emma Hayes has made Chelsea a family – and that’s helping us in her absence

I always knew our Emma’s staff were good but the way they have responded to her absence has blown me away

I would like to use my column this weekend to highlight the people in the background at Chelsea as events in recent days – with our manager, Emma Hayes, absent after surgery – have underlined their importance to our success on the field.

A football manager is the public face of any club and Emma more than most given she is such a big presence at Chelsea. Even when she was pregnant and had her baby, she was so quick to come back; therefore, when we returned from the international break last week and she wasn’t there, it really did hit you.

Yet in the time she has been away following her hysterectomy 10 days ago, her staff have responded magnificently. I knew they were good – our unsung heroes, as it were – but I see their qualities even more now that Emma is not here.

We are a team expected to win every game and cannot afford to be ill-prepared. Everyone has taken responsibility, helping ensure a smooth transition with our wins at Everton and Paris Saint-Germain.

Emma had told us before the international break that she would be having surgery and my first feeling was the human response – forget football, we just want her to be okay. We don’t know how long she will be away but the fact she is fine and recovering is the most important thing.

As for my professional response, as captain, I told myself I’d need to be extra attentive in case things didn’t go as before but so far I’ve not needed to do anything differently as we’ve got such a good group of girls. Moments like this force everyone to step up and, as I said at the start, it’s her coaching team who have done this particularly impressively.

Our assistant coach, Denise Reddy, is someone I’ve always have massive respect for as she is so loyal and hard-working – you could call her at six in the morning and say you’d like to do a session and she would come to Cobham and help you. She’s the person now in charge of all the training sessions and meetings and has done this brilliantly.

Paul Green, our general manager, is helping share the load and has stepped up to take on media duties. He has been Emma’s right-hand man for so long that he knows everything and he brings such calm and experience.

As for match days Paul does the final talk before we go to the stadium. In the dressing room, in the huddle, it’s always a player anyway – the majority of the time I do it, though in Paris on Thursday I asked Maren Mjelde as she’d scored the last time we played there in the Champions League and she’s a brilliant speaker when it comes to big games.

Of course, we still feel Emma’s presence – and she is still heavily involved with the coaching staff as she watches our games on TV and stays in close contact with the bench. After our victory at PSG on Thursday, I spoke to her on the phone and she was buzzing with how professional our performance was. We spoke about how she is getting on but first it was the football.

She is a winner through and through, though unlike some coaches who are focused on winning and might not care about their players, she has a really good balance – she is a winner but she wants it to be a family at Chelsea. That has been clear since I came: when you join the club you are getting a second family but the expectations are high and you are expected to win every game. She balances the ruthless side with seeing us as humans, and that is quite rare.

Going back to the Champions League, it was so important to start the group stage well after our exit at this same stage last season – and especially as we’re in one of the tougher groups with not just PSG but Real Madrid, who’ve knocked out Manchester City for two seasons running. It wasn’t the prettiest game on Thursday but as a defender I like those performances where you get an early goal, don’t allow them many clear chances and go home with the three points. In football you have to be able to win in different ways.

#magdalena eriksson #chelsea fcw #emma hayes

[mari-lair]

about ur ideas of terukane in the monster nursery universe (it is amazing! i would love to see more of it!), what does teru think or do if he found out the real purpose of the manager to arrive at the nursery? like would he be pissed and betrayed that akane did something like this without ever involving him about this? omg the terukane angst rrkkkkwo

( Monster Nursery AU: Part 1)

Thank you, I’m happy people enjoyed that AU!! I hope you two don’t mind long posts cause this AU grabbed me by the throat and I had way too many scenes in mind while focusing on Supervisor Akane.

Akane didn’t know Aoi in his childhood, so he never fell in love, mostly focusing on work as he grew.  

While his high self-expectations have made him familiar with failure, he isn’t rejected on a daily, so he is a very prideful man. He’s still kind, blunt, and helpful to those in need, but he’s too busy to indulge in even the idea of love, treating it as a subject he could study. Just look at him! He will spend the night slaving over work that isn’t even his to solve but he won't tolerate any bullshit. Peak tired nerd vibes.

Akane is genuinely interested in monsters but he values humans above all else. 

This nursery was so suspicious once he started paying attention, does no one think it’s weird that their budget is far too small to sustain such a risky business? Or that the batch of monster eggs they received every month was from an unknown supplier? And where do they take the adult monsters?? Do they just stay with humans? Is that stable?? 

Akane skepticism about the nursery only grew when he was promoted to supervisor of the countermeasure department, being forced to work with a dragon as his superior. An awful dragon that was far too smart and elegant to not know how to control himself, but still mysteriously tripped people with his tail on the daily, openly amused by their misery, propositionally flashing his terrifying teeth in conversation to intimidate people, and ignoring more than 80% of his subordinate requests (Akane did a diagram to know for sure the percentage of request that were ignored)

The only reason Akane could think for his coworkers to ignore the dragon’s bullshit was their blind love for monsters, which he eventually deducted was this nursery's main problem: People are too enamored with monsters to notice the more subtle safety hazards or focus on the infrastructural inconsistencies.

No one would do anything about it, so Akane had to take action.

He checked the list of people interested in working at the nursery, writing down an ‘interview’ with the most promising ones. The interview was always scheduled when Teru had his tea parties with Sakura in her isolated garden, but he still felt paranoid enough to keep his voice low throughout it all, approving of only one recruit, someone with good instinct and no monster bias. He used his power as a supervisor to give them the role of a manager, formally hiring them as a secret agent to update him: see if the changes he ordered as a supervisor are being followed and if the place is too dangerous to keep running.

It took time to adapt, but the more he paid attention to Teru the more Akane's anger faded into respect, realizing many of the requests he ignores aren’t as good as they seem on the surface, yet the ones Teru hear out always get his full attention. If Akane's argument turns out to be stronger than Teru’s, the dragon will implement changes very quickly and efficiently!

Teru may be a prideful asshole but he is very wise and surprisingly dedicated, he just has difficulty connecting with others and sharing his thought process.

With time Akane would even say he is… Kind.

Teru only trips people when they aren't carrying anything. He even brings Akane coffee with milk and cream sometimes, showing he paid attention when Akane mentioned his favorite drink. Is... Pretty nice.

Teru being a genuinely good leader he could respect and look up to was not in his plans.

The dragon getting attached was... Not in his plans either.

Akane had studied dragons before, so he knew Teru would be more protective after a stupid monster attack sent Akane to the hospital for two days. He had expected a little bit of hovering, maybe, not for the dragon to practically teleport to his side the second he stepped inside the nursery, circling him and asking about the injury, going as far as to smell him to see if he was in pain. Akane was baffled but also annoyed. He isn't made of glass, sheesh, have some faith!

Teru's favoritism was so obvious, that even Akane and his thick head only took two days to realize the change in behavior wasn't because he was being pitied: He was being spoiled. Courted even. 

Akane admires and cares about Teru far more than anyone at work but he isn’t very good with feelings, he was sure whatever they had going on was mere appreciation and respect for a fellow competent college. So Akane tried to discourage him in hopes they could remain somewhat professional, which failed, unable to argue when Teru called him out for enjoying the attention, using his beloved ‘facts and proofs’ to shut Akane up. 

Akane is a nerd so if he can get away with it, he’ll study Teru. If Akane used puppy eyes or flirted he would always get what he wants, but since he doesn't know he has Teru wrapped around his fingers he just asks normally, as coworkers do, which is always a gamble: Some days it works and he gets to poke around Teru’s wings while trying (and failing) to ignore his flirting, but most days the dragon is too prideful to cooperate, saying “You want to study my tail? Sure, have a closer look Dr. Aoi.” only to slap Akane in the face for being so tactless and rude.

Akane was pleasantly surprised when Teru allowed him to study his mouth, able to see up close how sharp and inhuman his fangs are, mentally taking notes of how his tongue was also different, more purple-ish, clearly fire resistant. He was so into his study that when Teru asked if he could check his mouth back Akane gave him permission, only realizing Teru had a different study method in mind when he found himself with his back pressed against the wall, their faces only inches away, those soft inhuman eyes waiting for permission to close the gap.

Akane got incredibly flustered. He ends up staring too much so Teru took it as a cue to kiss him. Teru is slow but very assertive, its really nice, even if Akane cut his tongue in his sharp fangs, something Teru had the nerve to be proud of, using it as an excuse to ‘kiss it better’ and just keep going. Akane makes Teru promise to not tell everyone, but they do kiss in secret from time to time. Teru is sure they are dating now.

When Akane fall, he falls hard. He gives Teru his favorite snacks, gladly let him ramble for hours, and even lets the dragon drag him around the sky when the office was empty, trusting Teru not to drop him.

Akane had expected to be tackled when winter arrived, but there was still a big difference between reading dragons act like gentle furnaces to their lovers and to have Teru drag him into a tight yet careful hold, completely wrapping them in his wings. Akane had shivered more from the touch than the cold, blaming the very sudden heat for the way his cheeks got pink and his insides felt like they are melting “You can let go now…I have to start work.”

The clingy creature had the guts to snuggle his neck, puffing hot breath in his skin and sending more shivers down his spine.“Not until you stop shivering.”    

Akane ends up dragging his paperwork to calculate budgets while cuddling in Teru’s lap, ruffling the dragon hair when Teru didn’t try to distract him too hard. Soon it was easier to see him working on a couch with Teru than at his desk.

Akane still thinks the nursery got something shady going on, but he feels guilty to have Teru curled in his lap, full of trust, when he still wasn’t sure he should keep the guy’s home open for business. He knows very well Teru can destroy him in a second but he can’t help but feel safe in his presence, finding the deadly dragon cute. Especially when Akane learned his defenses melt if you scratch Teru's hair just right, acting surprisingly childish.

When Akane finally got the time to meet his secret agent, he felt strange, projecting his own uncertainties on the person he had hired and accusing them of being swayed by emotions. He tried not to show it, but he was very relieved when the place got a safe review.

Unfortunately, Akane wasn’t aware Teru could focus on his voice from miles away after he fell in love, able to hear every word of their exchange.

After the talk with the ‘manager’, Akane went back to the department to work. He barely opened the door before Teru roughly grabbed him by the collar, dragging him to an empty room. Not Teru’s nest, just an abandoned room that might have once been a cabinet room.

Akane straightened his collar, which gained small rips from how tightly Teru’s claws had pierced it, feeling almost detached despite how furious the dragon looked, pupils thin and teeth bared “When did you plan to tell me you wanted to shut down my lair without as much as consulting me on the matter?”

“Shut down was the worst possible scenario. I just wanted an honest view on how the nursery worked, if i warned you about it, you would have made everything look safer and more efficient than it actually is.” Akane tries to cup Teru’s cheek, inwardly sighing at the way the dragon tensed up, snatching his wrist before he could touch him“...Do you realize your lair is in the middle of a city, Teru? I have a home nearby. Our colleagues have a home. And monsters have as much potential to harm as they have to help.”

Teru had unconsciously stared at Akane’s stomach, where he had to stitch up a monster attack, understanding his point but still hating it. 

Akane wasn’t having a good time either, the pain in his wrist aside, it felt wrong to have Teru be so quiet, pupils thin like a snake.

Akane panics.

“...I would have taken you home if we shut the nursery down. I lo- l trust you. You were never the problem.”

“Oh Really?” Teru is furious, and usually Teru only gets angry when he is dealing with a monster dangerous enough to need to be killed, so he acts more and more on his dragon instincts  “Do you think I didn’t trust you too? I watched this place way before our department even existed. This is the only place I have that’s connected to my family. Do you not think I had the right to know if my lair was at risk? I am not a damn pet-”

It was quick.

One second Teru was baring his teeth, the next, Akane’s wrist got crushed.

It honestly didn’t matter to Akane. The more he listened the more ashamed he felt. This conversation is important to Teru , he can feel the sharp pain of torn muscles and broken bone but he feels like he deserved it, somewhat: Hurting humans is unforgivable, but so is hurting someone as dedicated and loving as Teru. As if to prove Akane’s right, Teru immediately let go of his bloody wrist, trying to look impassive but betrayed by the way his ears flattened near his head, taking a wary step back. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Akane tried to say as calmly as possible and not think about the pain “I didn’t know about any of this, I made the decision before properly meeting you, but I should have still informed you after I understood how… competent you are”

“...I am still angry.”

“I am sure you are- Jesus, stop sneaking looks at my wrist, yes it hurt but I am not dying, I’ll bandage it up later, your feelings are the priority right now.”

“I love you” And it’s the most resentful declaration he has ever heard, like Teru regrets his decision.

“...I love you too” It’s soft but true. “More than anyone”

Teru pauses at that, his brows lowering in anger but his pupils dilating with love. He is clearly overwhelmed so he fly off. 

No one knows where.

Akane's wrist got permanently damaged: He will never be able to hold his bat again. If it wasn't for the healing monsters being raised here, he wouldn't be able to hold silverware, and pencils, or type either. The irony isn’t lost on him, he supposed his secret agent really had good instincts: The nursery shouldn’t be shut down.

His damaged wrist visibly decreased his work efficiency and self-worth, but he mostly misses Teru, aware the dragon was still doing his security job, understanding they aren't seeing each other because Teru was avoiding him.

Akane was sure he should give the dragon some time, family is serious for dragons, and so is trust, but he still felt restless. He is only human, he doesn't have nearly as much time as Teru to wait.

(Part 3)

#terukane #this straight up turned into a fanfic by the end #hope you two (or maybe is the same anon??) enjoy it!! #monster nursery au

[catlliecal]

Jirou and Mina for the character ask!!

Send me characters and I’ll answer questions on them!

Kyoka Jiro

Sexuality headcanon: Demisexual bi, with a preference towards girls. She’s had a guy crush before, but her first crush on a girl hit pretty damn hard, awakening out the disaster bi. Also polyamorous, though has only really been in monogamous relationships.

Gender headcanon: Cis girl, she/they. She did experiment around with her gender in middle school, seeing how she felt with different pronouns and if any other identity clicked with her. In the end, she found that she is comfortable with the gender assigned at birth, but also found that she clicks well with they/them in addition to she/her.

A ship I have with said character: MomoJiro. I could go on for days about how good these two are together, then being my favorite pairing for both of them. While at first this may appear as an opposites attract relationship, they actually share a lot more in common, as well as sharing their interests with each other (one of the analysis/data books has revealed that Momo has started listening to rock/punk because of Kyoka introducing it to her and sharing songs). They’re always looking out for each other, and you can easily see how they make each other happier just from being around one another. Couldn’t find a better ship involving these two of you tried.

A BrOTP I have with said character: BakuJiro. I do actually ship these two romantically together, but it’s a minor ship of mine than a major one, so I’m focusing on them platonically here. Now this is a case of opposites attract, though they both stand on equal ground with each other in terms of respect and, for lack of a better word, power in their friendship. Because of that, they get along well and enjoy each other’s company, as well as keeping each other in check.

A NOTP I have with said character: KamiJiro. While it does appear this is going to be the second canon ship between the students of 1-A, I just never really got into it. More ambivalent than actual dislike, but it’s not exactly something I’m seeking out fan content for. Their dynamic is that of an opposites attract, but there’s not the right elements present to make them work romantically. To me, they work best when they stay platonic and have a friendship full of playful teasing that knows when to take itself seriously.

A random headcanon: Bringing back an old one, that one being her having solid tech skills from working with instruments from such a young age. After all, one way to get better at something is to understand the tools used to achieve it. Plus, with her quirk being earphone jacks, I think tech knowledge can help with it.

As for a more recent one, she’s the kind of person who rarely paints her nails. Not because she doesn’t like it, but more because she’s very diligent about keeping her nails short (as it makes the bass and guitar easier to play) and feels like she wouldn’t get to enjoy the color much.

General Opinion over said character: Why don’t more people like her? She’s a really great supporting cast member! Her arc in the Culture Festival, while not battle focused, was very well done, both in terms of the themes of the series (what it means to save and reach out to people) and in terms of her character development (learning she doesn’t have to sacrifice her passion to work hard to be a Hero). She also gets really nice side moments that add nice bite to her character.

Mina Ashido

Sexuality headcanon: Pansexual demiromantic. The official analysis/data books state that she’s never liked anyone but wishes she can be in love, which encourages a lot of arospec readings of her. It’s easy to see her as cupioromantic, aromantic, grayaro, or demiromantic, the one I see her as. Friendships are very important to her, but one has never crossed that line into something more than friends. She knows she doesn’t have any real preference for any gender and just wants to have the chance to be with someone who makes her happy. Or someones, as she’s also polyamorous.

Gender headcanon: Cis girl, she/her (alt reading: genderfuild, she/they/he). So this is the first character so far where I have two headcanons in terms of gender. With the first one, she just kinda knew from the start that she’s sure of who she is, never really needing to question or test things out. With the second one, it’s the same level of assurance in which she is, playing around with how to refer to herself and how she wants to express her identity.

A ship I have with said character: TsuMina! They don’t have a ton of moments actively together, more just background stuff, but it’s enough for me! After all, this is my fave ship for both of them. They get along really well, both of them balancing each other out well to cover each other’s blind spots (I’m starting to notice a theme here). It’s energetic sunshine with level headed sunshine, and I find that appealing.

A BrOTP I have with said character: KiriMina. While the dynamic between the two was introduced in the second third of the series, I find it nice, though just platonically. The fact they went to the same middle school is interesting given the fact they didn’t seem to interact much there compared to now. They enjoy each other’s company and hang out a lot, and even give each other ideas. I just wish we got to see Mina’s perspective on things more, especially after her freeze up during the war at Jaku. Her story feels incomplete, sometimes coming off more like a part of Eijiro’s story than her own.

A NOTP I have with said character: Hmmm… I suppose SeroMina? This is definitely a case of ambivalence. I see why people ship them; I just have never really given Sero much thought at all. I shrug my shoulders when I see it, but it won’t necessarily turn me away from something involving it in the background.

A general headcanon: Bringing back another old one to say that she has a great skin care routine. It’s kinda needed in a lot of ways to make sure her body doesn’t dry up thanks to her acid. Sure, it has the tools it needs to stay healthy, but it’s still something she takes care of.

As for a new one, she’s taken a good number of roller skating lessons and almost tried out for derby (if that’s a thing over there). Her acid sliding skill we see in canon suggests a lot of practice, and given its resemblance to this actual sport, I wouldn’t be surprised if she has experiments in it! What started out as a fun activity with both her dads and mom for family bonding became a hobby, though one that she didn’t invest much in after focusing more on dance.

General Opinion on said character: I enjoy seeing her, but as I mentioned in the BrOTP section, there are parts to her story that feel incomplete, not helped at all by the recent increase in pacing. From little things to not knowing how she felt about her save back in middle school to how she’s processing Midnight’s death, she can feel more like parts of other stories rather than one that can contribute to others and stand on its own. Which is rather upsetting. I’m really grateful for fan work that fills in those gaps, but I wish we could have seen more from the published story.

#mha #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #ashido mina #kyoka jiro #jirou kyouka #sorry to end on a downer there whoops #but I’m enjoying sharing my thoughts on these characters!

[kestrel-of-herran]

Hi! I’ve read all your 2521 character analyses and they give the lit major in me so much joy, especially your post on the death of the author!

I was just wondering, if Baekdo had broken up and then run into each other at Seungwan’s dad’s funeral and gotten back together, would you still find that terribly out of character?

I honestly think it’s so odd that they stay out of each other’s lives completely and I’m convinced the writer keeps it that way because there’s no way they could stay broken up if they ran into each other even years down the line.

I wish I could pretend the canon ending doesn’t exist but I can’t. 😭 So I just tell myself they get back together after the events of the series to preserve my mental health. In the same way that I have convinced myself that Ben Solo is not really dead and Rey is going to find him because they are a FORCE DYAD. I swear JJ Abrams and the 2521 director would get along famously and I don’t mean that in a good way. 😤

hi! thank you so much for reading my posts, i'm so glad they bring you joy!!!

no, i wouldn't find that out of character within the context of the show. it was on the bottom of my wishlist of the finale, but as soon as i understood that the writer was going to be idiotic about them, i hoped to see them get back together later, and i endured the funeral scene up until it became obvious that we weren't even going to get this basic courtesy from the showmakers.

and yes, i absolutely agree with you -- the only reason the writer doesn't permit them to maintain any contact in her twisted-up version of events is because as soon as they have one calm conversation, they'll sort out their issue and realize they have the same goal. it's unrealistic for them to not run into each other on the bus or at a bar or in their neighbourhood shortly after the already out-of-character fight, especially since so many people around them support their relationship. there's no way heedo's mom doesn't confront yijin about the break-up at their workplace, or that seungwan, jiwoong, and yurim don't devise some elaborate plan to get them back together that involves setting them up on a drinking date and not letting them leave until they talk it out. can you imagine what a menace heartbroken baekdo would be for any friend gathering? the squad would split up, they'll talk to each of them individually, and as soon as they figure out the issue is miscommunication, they'll make it their mission to make them talk it out. it's what any friend group would do when their friends are suffering and pining away for each other.

i think fiction is only true when we believe in it, so whichever version of events you believe in will exist for you.

i personally think the story wrapped up all its plot points at the beginning of ep.15, when yijin transferred to another media department to safeguard his relationship with heedo. heedo's arc as a fencer finished in ep.7 to ep.9, with the episodes until 13 focusing on her romantic arc, while yijin's arc finished with his realization that love is the most precious thing in life in ep.15, just like his mom advised him to. from then on, i see them continuing to advance in their respective fields while cheering each other on from up close, having a beach wedding in pohang, and spending their lives together happily (as i've written about here).

whether yijin gets sent to new york or not is of no importance to his character arc, which was complete before this, but if he does it's only for a month or two like journalists did during the real-life 9/11, and he communicates with heedo during this time like he always does, while she supports him while encouraging him to take care of his mental health. because he's able to receive support from her and from therapy like she advises him to, he's able to preserve his hope and returns with a better understanding of the importance of balancing between his work and personal life. because of his journalistic integrity and his excellent reporting, he soon advances in his job and gains bigger control of his projects and his schedule, which he coordinates with heedo's. he picks heedo up from training in the evenings, they drive to picturesque towns on the weekends and try all the street food, and when summer comes they stretch out in their lounge chairs on the pohang beach and challenge each other to read each other's books while their two daughters splash around in the surf.

#thank you for the ask!!! #lilly gets an ask #twenty five twenty one

[the-matrix-network-news]

Ready to Explore Space? Here Are the Must-Knows for Your First Stars Journey

So, you're gearing up for your first space adventure! Whether you're an astronaut or a space tourist, venturing beyond our planet is an exhilarating experience. However, before you take that giant leap for mankind, there are several crucial things you need to consider. In this article, we'll explore the essentials you should keep in mind as you prepare for your cosmic journey.

1. Space Training: The Foundation of Your Adventure

Before you rocket into space, proper training is essential. Astronauts typically undergo rigorous training for months or even years to ensure they're fully prepared. You might not need the same level of training as a professional astronaut, but some basics can make your trip smoother. Example: Consider enrolling in a space tourism training program that covers G-force, zero-gravity, and emergency procedures. Understanding these fundamentals can help you stay safe and enjoy your journey to the fullest.

2. Health and Fitness: Preparing Your Body

Your body will experience some significant changes in space, from muscle loss to bone density reduction. Ensuring you're in good health before your space adventure is vital. Example: Regular exercise and a balanced diet can help you maintain physical fitness. Consult with a healthcare professional to assess your health and address any underlying issues.

3. Mental Preparation: The Isolation Factor

Space can be isolating. You'll be in a confined space with a limited number of people for an extended period. Mental preparation is crucial to cope with the psychological challenges. Example: Consider practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques. Reading about the experiences of astronauts in space can also provide insight into what to expect emotionally.

4. Packing Essentials: What to Bring to Space

Packing for space isn't like packing for a vacation. Spacecraft have limited storage, so choose your essentials wisely. Example: Think about items like prescription medications, personal hygiene products, and entertainment (books, music, or movies). Also, don't forget your space suit!

5. Familiarize Yourself with the Spacecraft

Understanding the layout and operation of your spacecraft is essential for your safety and comfort during your space journey. Example: Study the spacecraft's manual, take a virtual tour, or even visit a replica if available. Knowing where everything is will save you precious time and prevent confusion.

6. Safety Protocols: In Case of Emergencies

Space travel involves risks. Familiarize yourself with safety protocols and emergency procedures. Example: Learn how to operate safety equipment and understand what to do in case of fire, rapid depressurization, or other emergencies. Your life may depend on it.

7. Space Sickness: It's a Real Thing

Space sickness, similar to motion sickness, can affect anyone. Be prepared for the possibility of feeling queasy during your journey. Example: Talk to your space tour operator about anti-nausea medications. Knowing how to manage motion sickness can make your trip more enjoyable.

8. Documentation and Photography: Capture the Moment

Space offers breathtaking views and once-in-a-lifetime experiences. Don't forget to document your journey for posterity. Example: Bring a camera or smartphone equipped for space travel. Capture stunning shots of Earth from orbit and share your adventure with the world.

9. Respect the Environment: Leave No Trace

Just like on Earth, it's crucial to respect the space environment. Follow guidelines for waste disposal and be mindful of space debris. Example: Dispose of waste in designated containers and avoid any activities that could generate space debris, such as unnecessary satellite launches.

10. Enjoy the Journey: Embrace the Wonder of Space

Above all else, remember to enjoy the experience! Space is vast, mysterious, and beautiful. Example: Take time to appreciate the awe-inspiring views, the feeling of weightlessness, and the sheer wonder of exploring the cosmos. After all, it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! In conclusion, embarking on a space journey is an incredible adventure that requires careful preparation and consideration. From training and health to packing and safety, every aspect matters. So, get ready to make your mark in the stars and savor every moment of your cosmic voyage! For more fascinating articles on space exploration and other intriguing topics, visit The Matrix Network News. You can also stay updated by following us on Instagram. Safe travels, space explorer! Read the full article

[firebirdsdaughter]

Oh my…

… I um. I hate that.

Not so much that I have any love for Keller, but. Neal getting all moody about the killer lady’s death and then just. Getting Keller killed. Like I doubt it was intentional, but you seriously expect Peter to be rational and controlled when he thinks you’re dying.

The more I think about it, that’s a shitty fucking trick and Mozzie just leaving kinda upsets me more, esp w/ his general lack of respect for Peter (not the whole government, just Peter, I hate how he kept treating Peter. I might just be in a bad mood, but. Peter has every right to sock Neal in the face the next time they meet. Multiple times. At least. I’d feel a little better if there was any regret involved but it just… Doesn’t feel like there is any. Worse bc naturally Peter would blame himself, bc he’s indirectly the cause for Neal being in there.

‘Chase’ this and ‘chase’ that, it should be different by the end. They had to cut right there bc the instant the relief of Neal being alive wears off, Peter should be pissed off as all hell. They started as black and white, and I was hoping they’d end in a more grey area, but no. This was the one aspect of the show I found unlikeable, the whole ‘high life of crime’ thing and ‘stealing for fun.’ I didn’t like that they kept going back to that, and not in a ‘how dare this character have flaws’ way. Bc Neal has plenty of flaws that worked fine and were actually endearing if frustrating. But I hated how they never kicked that. I hate manipulators who do it just for fun. If there’d been more indication that he’d grown beyond that and was going ala Leverage or something, but I just. I don’t think they gave enough time to really feel the emotion in that. I guess bringing up Kate was supposed to be full circle, but I’d’ve preferred more from that last conversation, more threat, more emotion. Like I in now way think Neal should be a federal agent or anything, and I don’t think he should stop being… Well, Neal, but… I needed more. More to believe that it was real. Keller’s kidnapped both Burkes, he knows how much they mean to Neal. He can still bring up Kate as a comparison, but I’d rather they focus more on the present threat rather than just dredging up Kate some poor sweet victim (I still don’t think she was). I still don’t quite feel like Neal is actually doing this to protect people, that feels like an afterthought? I’d’ve preferred Keller laying it on much thicker w/ ‘you’re going to get them killed like you did Kate’ or something? I wanted it to feel like those six years meant something to Neal, rather than just getting in the way of him having fun lying to people. Like the people who loved him meant something. And I really don’t like the ‘that’s just how he was born’ shit bc that’s just so wrong. ‘But his dad was bad’ I don’t care. Actually that makes me want him to do better even more. Leverage works for me bc it’s not just the fun, they do it for good, they help people. I wanted Neal to end up a little more in that role, I wanted him to stay w/ his real parents who actually give a shit about him rather than being like ‘oh but his ‘real’ father was a bad guy.’ I want a grey area ending, not right back where we started. I wanted to feel like Neal actually learned something, have them both change. Them reinventing their partnership as something personal rather than official, have it on their terms. I wanted the family to stay together.

If by chance they ever continue (unlikely, given how long ago it was), I think it should start w/ a plot of this getting reversed, of Neal thinking he got Peter killed, bc imo that’s what he deserves now. I mean, I guess I can imagine it that way, and that Neal and probably Mozzie get some well deserved kicks in the teeth. But that is a thing for the whole series, I wanted a little more of Neal caring about Peter, esp later on. I think they lost me when he just got more bratty at Peter, even though there were a few good moments (noting that it wasn’t Peter screwing him over, and that Peter had almost lost his job bc of him). I feel like Peter loosened up, but in the end, I just didn’t feel like Neal really changed, or like it got undone in the second half of the series. I just got left feeling like Neal didn’t care about Peter as much as Peter did about him, which I’m sure was unintentional, bc he clearly cares in a lot of other circumstances, and Matt Bomer is a damn good actor and is very good at tacit acting, it’s just. I don’t feel like they gave him enough. I get Neal being frustrated w/ the FBI, but to go again to the ‘changing’ thing, I’d rather see him put more faith in Peter on a personal level outside of that? Not entirely sure how to explain it, but if it felt more like him doing it himself to protect Peter from the fall out of his actions rather than ‘how dare you be prevented from giving me what I want,’ or bc he knows Peter is going to try and protect him. I just wanted… More?

#Firebird Opinions #won't tag this as show 'cause I got a bit salty #but it's just #I dunno I'd've appreciated a little more personal appreciation for Peter and the number of hoops he's gone through #I dunno I just got left feeling disappointed w/ and angry at Neal in a lot of ways

[coinandcandle]

Witchy Red Flags

In this post you will find a few types of red flags and why they are red flags in reference to witchcraft or the witch community.

This is more of an opinion post, but I will also mention why I think you should steer clear of these flags and you can decide on your own what you will do, it is always your choice. C:

Stay away from people who:

believes that magic or witchcraft alone can cure mental or physical illness

Magic or witchcraft should never replace your medications or treatments. There are many ways in which magic can help us feel better, and maybe some folks have been lucky; but do not trust anyone who tells you to stop getting treatment or to stop taking your medication.

are bigots

Sadly even in witchcraft/magic communities there are bigots. Racists, homophobes, sexists, transphobes, and the like.

Sometimes we’re lucky enough that we can see their true colors right off the bat, so it’s easier to stay away from those ones. Generally if your gut tells you to stay away, then it’s best that you listen.

try to use witchcraft/magic as a means to control others

This could mean love potions, non-consensual hypnosis, or any type of spell that involves controlling another person. (Even if it never works it’s messed up that they’re even trying)

This can also mean trying to threaten you with a hex or curse if you don’t do what they want. Abusers find their slimy little ways into all sorts of communities, so if you see this flag run far away.

judge your magic/craft based on how long you’ve been practicing/ learning.

I have practiced or learned witchcraft since I was 14, but I have learned more in the last two years than I had in any of the previous years. Why? Because what matters is research and learning from others, looking at different styles of witchcraft and finding out how to ethically practice witchcraft.

Just because someone has been practicing for years doesn’t mean they know everything. The best teachers will still consider themselves students, always ready and willing to learn more.

try to make you do sexual things

I won’t go into too much detail here but please, if someone says the only way to do XYZ is for you to sleep with them…they’re lying. Sex magic is a real thing and it’s wonderful if everyone involved wants to do it, but if you have to be pressured by magic to do it then you need to run from whoever is telling you those lies.

disrespect closed practices or religions.

Self explanatory. If they don’t respect closed practices they are ignorant at best, malevolent at the worst.

thinks only women can be witches

No, any one of any gender can be a witch, steer clear of anyone who talks down on other genders. It’s not only harmful in general, but the witchcraft community should strive for peace and communication, not hatred and bigotry.

uses a spiritually or culturally important title (i.e. Shaman, Witch Doctor, Priest, Priestess, etc.) but shows no evidence or credentials to back this claim.

Of course there are the people who jokingly or ironically use these titles in usernames or as nicknames, but that’s not who I am referring to. I mean the people who try to sell you things using their title as evidence of it working, but have nothing to back the title they claim to have.

say they can talk to a deity for you when you can’t talk to that deity yourself.

I’m not going to say that other people can’t talk to a deity that you talk to, or that they can’t bring you messages from a deity. (I mean, I had an entire experience recently where my friend’s deity had to reach out to me as a last ditch effort since they weren't listening. So it does happen!)

Always be wary, especially if you’ve never talked to the deity yourself, you don’t personally know whoever is saying they can, or if they are trying to sell it to you.

If a deity wanted to speak with you, they probably wouldn’t make you pay a stranger just to get through to you.

doesn’t believe in history or scientific fact.

I know that it seems like magic and science are opposites, but they aren’t. Arguably, magic is just science we don’t fully understand yet/can’t explain!

So if someone is trying to discredit what we know to be true from science or history, and they have no evidence backing them up, it’s probably a good idea to stay away from them.

Stay away from shops that:

sell endangered or unethically sourced herbs like white sage and palo santo.

if you’re not from the cultures who use these and a native person from that culture does not give it to you saying that it’s ok for you to use it, do not buy from them.

sell you potions, tinctures, etc. as "medicine" without any peer reviewed studies.

You want to make sure if you’re buying some sort of herbal supplement that you’re going to ingest in some way, that there is solid research backing the product and that it is safe to use. (Is it FDA approved?)

won’t tell you what’s in their products.

It’s not only bad business practice, but it’s also possibly dangerous to sell a product without disclosing what is in it.

try to gouge you of your money.

This one is more of an intuitive thing, if you think it’s too good to be true (whatever it is) and they’re selling it at an extremely high price, it probably is too good to be true.

try to sell some sort of certification into or involving a closed practice

Generally, or the closed practices I am aware of at least, you can’t buy your way into. If someone is telling you that they can sell a membership or certification into one of these closed practices, they’re probably lying so they can get your money.

Stay away from resources that:

say there is only one way to practice magic, and that it is the way written in the book

say that Wicca is an ancient religion (it was created in the 1940’s, I have a whole post about wicca)

don’t link their sources when stating “facts”

teach anything from a closed religion when they are not part of the closed religion

DO NOT DO ANYTHING involving closed religions without making sure it is ok. If you are not born or initiated into the religion, it’s best to not try any of their practices as it is disrespectful and, in some cases, could even be dangerous.

teaches myth/lore as fact

In my experience, most folks who work with deities agree that myths are not fact when it comes to the deities involved. You could almost liken it to gossip; you may get a whisper of truth here and there, but until you speak to them yourself you have no clue who they are as a person (or god!).

Also, here is a source of authors to stay away from (they even give you reasons as to why)

Alright, I think I hit most of the important and the most common ones. If you have more suggestions, please add them in the replies or reblog this post with them!

#witchy red flags #witchcraft #learning witchcraft #magic #red flags #witch community #beginner witch #baby witch

[panda-noosh]

the game {draco x reader}

  masterlist

---

 you’ve been tormenting the malfoy family for what feels like forever.

   it’s become a kind of game at this point, a game everyone is involved in. the malfoys pretend they don’t expect your presence, and you pretend you are tormenting them because you don’t like them. it’s back and forth, back and forth, and you’ve been doing it too long to back out now.

   it starts the same way every time - the gate is open, and they pretend it’s because they forgot to close it. nobody mentions the fact that lucius malfoy hasn’t forgotten a single thing in his entire life. nobody mentions draco’s blonde head peaking out from behind the living room curtains, waiting for the arrival of a person he claims to despise. 

   you stroll in with the ease of someone who owns the place, smiling and waving at the white peacocks that have become so familiar with your presence by now that they don’t even make a noise upon seeing you. they lift their graceful heads, and then they bow them again - it’s as simple as that.

    you knock on the door, grinning even wider when you hear narcissa’s faux exclamation of, “who could that possibly be?” you know for a fact that draco has warned her of your presence already, that all three of them have been expecting your arrival since they woke up this morning. 

   and then the door opens, and narcissa stands there in all her glory. such a tall, graceful woman, and you tell her that on a daily basis, making her blush because you  are her favourite little Mudblood, and she lets you get away with things like that.

    you lean against the door frame, spinning your wand between your ringed fingers. narcissa glares at you without speaking, her jaw working as she inspects you.

    “evening,” you drawl. “how are you today, my dear?”

   her nostrils flare. “how many times have we told you to stay away from our home?”

    “oh, plenty of times. i’ve quite lost count.” you straighten, craning your neck to see over her tall frame, into the hallway beyond. standing in the foyer, just as you predicted, just as he always does, is draco. you give him a wave before turning back to face his mother. “is he alright? i haven’t seen him much at school recently.”

    “my sons wellbeing is none of your business.”

   draco appears at his mothers elbow. “you can tell professor snape i’ve been feeling ill.”

   you smile - draco giving you orders is moreso his way of answering your questions without looking like he gives a shit. you appreciate it, this code you two speak in, because in all truth, you do worry about the malfoy boy quite a bit.

   you met him in school, your very first year at hogwarts. you were crushed beneath adrenaline, having found out about your powers only a few weeks before being shipped off to this strange and wonderful new school. you had a wand, and a robe, and there was a giant man ushering you into a tiny boat, ready to take you to the future. 

   and then draco appeared, and he knew who you were. he must have looked through the first year list, must have looked you up and realised you were a muggle-born. he did his research, and that was the first point of respect he earned off you.

    “let them in, mother,” draco says now. “the elves made too much food anyway; might as well put them to use whilst they’re here.”

    you give a mock bow. “much appreciated, malfoy.”

   he snarls, before mother and son turn on their heels and lead you into the home you have become so familiar with these past few years. you’ve traced these walls with your fingers a thousand times before, and you do the same now. upstairs, you hear the elves marching around, putting stuff back where they belong, chuntering amongst themselves; silently, you wonder where lucius is. 

    draco and narcissa lead you to the kitchen, where stacks upon stacks of food are set up along the grand dining table. draco hands you a glass of water before gesturing to the plates and saying, “dig in. and be grateful we haven’t got the ministry involved.”

    “the ministry?” you raise a brow, taking a long, loud sip of your water before continuing. “draco, what would the ministry possibly do? you’ve been letting me into your home for years - it’s starting to get a little old hearing you say you don’t want me here.”

    draco blinks, startled. 

   narcissa steps in, grabbing the water from your hand and slamming it upon the table. “we don’t want you here. the last thing we need is some filthy mudblood knocking on our door at all hours of the morning.”

    the word doesn’t even sting any more - it’s a wound that has been closed long enough now to no longer hurt. so instead, you smile and say, “very true, narcissa. i’ll have my water back now, if you please.”

    narcissa growls, turns and walks out of the kitchen. she always does this. it’s become part of the routine.  

   you grab the water yourself and take another sip. draco continues staring at you, a habit he adopted only recently. you remember the first time he did it, the first time it was more than a glance, more than an accidental brush of eye contact between you; he was standing on the opposite side of the kitchen, those slim fingers tapping a rhythm against the expensive granite. you and lucius were chatting, lucius asking - yet again - why you’re here, why you can never leave them alone, why you aren’t at school. you were going to answer, but draco’s gaze was burning a hole into the side of your face, and you truly felt as if you had no choice but to pack it in early and go home, just to recuperate. 

    you’ve gotten better with it. you don’t have any plans of storming out any time soon, though his gaze still makes your face heat up and your stomach squirm.

    “so, you’ve been ill, have you?” you begin. “i won’t lie, draco, you look pretty spritely to me.”

    “i wouldn’t expect you to understand,” draco shoots back. “you should just mind your business.”

    “i never asked you what was wrong. i was just saying - seems like you’re looking for a muggle excuse to get out of going to school.”

   draco glares, though the expression has less effect now that he’s taken to never taking his eyes off you, no matter what his emotions towards you are in the moment. “i’ve told you not to call me that.”

   “didn’t call you anything.”

   “you called me a muggle.”

   you narrow your eyes in faux confusion. “i said your excuse was muggle. don’t blow it out of proportion, mate.”

   he throws his hands up, turning away for what feels like the first time since he laid eyes on you. “why are you here this time, y/n? what could you possibly want from us now?”

    “i’ve never wanted anything from you.” you inspect the endless plates on the table. “although i will pinch a scotch egg, if you don’t mind.”

    draco watches as you reach across the table, picking at the assortment of foods. you don’t break the eye contact, because that’s what he wants you to do. he wants you to show some sign of intimidation, some sign that he has wriggled beneath your nerves in the same way he manages with everyone else. you’re determined to show him you’re not afraid of the malfoys, have never been afraid of the malfoys, and that’s exactly why you’re here. you wanted something, and you were willing to go to the highest rank to get it.

    “you know, if my father finds out about what you get up to, you’ll be sent to azkaban with a life sentence.”

    you freeze, scotch egg halfway to your mouth. “so you’re bringing that up now, are you?”

    “i’m just warning you.” draco shrugs, the sleeves of his black blazer stretching against the motion. “one day you’re going to walk in here, and he’s going to know. he’s going to see it in your eyes that you’re guilty.”

   “he’s going to figure me out.” you scoff. “you really think the sun shines out of your father’s arse, don’t you? he’s not as smart as he likes everyone to think, draco. i’ve been running circles around that man for years now, and he’s none the wiser.”

    “and what if i tell him?”

   the room falls silent. your heartbeat rings in your ears. you hate talking about this with draco, because you never know whether or not to take his threats seriously. 

    he folds his arms over his chest. “you’re lucky i haven’t blabbed yet.”

   “are you threatening me, malfoy?” you lean forward, lowering your voice to a purr. “why don’t you tell me the real reason you’ve taken two weeks out of school, hm? then we’ll both have stories to tattle to the ministry.”

    draco pales. he glares at you for a moment longer before the kitchen door opens, and narcissa malfoy strolls inside once again. you straighten up, schooling your expression into one of immediate calm, like not a single thing is wrong. you pop the remaining scotch egg in your mouth and say, “i should get out of your hair now.”

    narcissa simply scowls.

    you give her a grin, nod at draco once before walking out the door, trying to ignore that blue-eyed gaze still burning into the back of your head.

   ----

    it gets easier over time.

    all of it does, really. the guilt becomes non-existent, and the act itself becomes second nature after a few good attempts. you’ve nearly been caught a handful of times, and you know if your actions were to come to light, you would be expelled from hogwarts in a heartbeat; not even dumbledore could show you mercy, no matter how much he likes you.

    it’s easiest when the streets are full. muggles are so careless, clumped together with wallets jingling in their pockets, unprotected. they don’t even think about what might go wrong, don’t even think a wizard may be lurking amongst them, ready to snatch their belongings right from their person.

    you don’t need it, of course. muggle money means nothing where you come from, but there’s some wizards and witches who would pay hundreds of galleons in trade for the things collected off muggles. it’s a black market kind of situation.

   tonight, you are dressed in a black hoodie and jeans, wand stowed in your back pocket. you don’t need it; you’ve mastered the magic-free manoeuvres of sneaking things from people, and you use such skills to your advantage tonight. a man by the name of richard carpol has put in a request for a muggle passport - an irish one, preferably, but he’ll take anything you can get your hands on.

    you search for what feels like hours before zoning in on the dark red booklet peaking out of a teenagers jacket pocket. their source of ID, you assume, and you feel no guilt whatsoever when you stroll past them and pluck the book free. you stuff it in your hoodie pocket before picking up your pace, ducking into a dark alleyway.

    you flip it open - it’s a british passport, but richard will still pay. he’s not a picky customer, which makes your night ten times easier.

   you make your way back to hogwarts, waving at people in hogsmeade before you disappear for the night. you sneak into the slytherin dormitory with no problems, stuffing the passport beneath your mattress. you wriggle beneath the sheets, ignoring pansy’s insistant questions about where you have been, if you’ve seen draco, how you managed to sneak past filch - she asks this every night, and you have never replied. you just fall asleep, another day successful.

  ----   

   “he’s back.”

   like he’s some kind of god. you nearly roll your eyes, the whispers repeated over and over again throughout morning breakfast. all around you, the slytherin table is alive with anticipation, waiting for draco malfoy to stroll in through the double doors, head held high in that way it always is.

   you knew draco was returning before anyone else did, as he told you the night before in a fit of faux rage at the sight of you in his bedroom, yet again. you had offered to leave, leaned casually against his mahogany wardrobe, and it could almost be considered hasty the speed at which he rushed for his door to close it, uttering a quiet, “no, you’re here now, so you might as well stay.”

    but now he’s back in school, and you’re sick of him. you haven’t even seen his face once, but the whispers and the praise from your house mates is enough to set your teeth on edge. it reminds you that there is indeed a draco living outside of the malfoy manor, a draco you cannot tease and torment as easily.

    “i saw him in the common room this morning putting his robes on. i think his parents got him new ones,” a fellow slytherin whispers. “and his hair has been cut a little shorter - he looks so grown up!”

   you snicker into your porridge, smothering the noise to no avail. the slytherin girl singing draco’s praises shoots you a glare before noticing who you are; her glare folds in on itself, and she quickly retaliates by pretending she didn’t hear your snicker in the first place.

    breakfast ticks by, and it’s only near the end does draco finally decide to grace the dining hall with his presence. the double doors open, and the chatter amongst the slytherins falls short almost immediately. you’re ashamed to admit that even you look up at the speed of light, catching one of the first glimpses of draco malfoy as he returns from what many people assumed was the dead.

    his fangirl certainly wasn’t lying, you notice; his hair has been cut shorter, and he does look plenty grown up. he walks with a fresh confidence that makes you want to roll your eyes - it’s not like he needed a further confidence boost. his robes are clean, brushing the floor. his eyes are trained on the head table, though they linger there for only moments before snapping to where you are seated.

   you raise a curious brow. he blushes, looks away, and takes his seat next to crabbe and goyle, both of whom clap him on the back like he’s just returned from war.

    you ignore him the rest of breakfast, which is a rare action for you. you used to revel in tormenting him, coming face to face with him at every corner just to give another snide remark; it was a game back then, back when the two of you were younger and felt as if you could get away with it. 

    breakfast ends shortly thereafter, and you hurry to gather your things. swinging your bag over one shoulder, you duck your head down and escape into the crowded corridors, losing yourself amongst the sea of black clad students. 

   but you’re a fool to ever think you - of all people - could escape draco’s magnificent return to school. his cold fingers wrap around your wrist before you have a chance to turn the corridor to your next class, stopping you in your tracks. part of you wants to spin around and punch him, just floor him in front of everyone, show him that you’re not just some silly person showing up on his front doorstep every other night.

    instead, you slowly turn and give him a smile, one of your big ones to let him know you don’t mean it, that you’re being hostile.

    his face is set in stone, that frown so perfect and soft looking it makes you want to sob. 

    “where are you off to in such a hurry?” he asks, keeping his voice low because god forbid anyone catch him speaking to you.

    “class,” you reply. “so kindly let go of me, malfoy.”

   “not until you tell me where richard got another muggle passport to sell.”

    you freeze, though you knew this would be coming eventually. richard is one of your best customers, but he’s not very bright; he’s never understood the concept of subtlety when it comes to the trading of muggle artefacts. 

    “he has a new one, does he?” you say. “good for him. his collection must be getting awfully big by now.”

   draco scowls. “my father is starting to get very suspicious, y/n, and i don’t know how much longer i’ll be willing to cover for you.”

    you pry your hand out of his grip, nearly stumbling from the momentum. “is that a threat?”

    “it’s a warning,” he says. “i might not like you, but i don’t need you going down for something like this. people know we’re familiar with each other, and i don’t want you tarnishing my family name.”

    you scoff. “your family name has been tarnished since you-know-who was in power.”

    “shut up. don’t talk on things you don’t understand.”

    “all i need to do is pick up a history book.”

   draco scowls, those blues eyes ablaze. you’ve seen this look on him when he’s speaking to those gryffindors he hates so much, when a teacher takes someone else’s side over his own. you’ve seen this look on him plenty of times, but never aimed at you; for some reason, his expression is always so soft around the edges when trained on you.

    “i’m trying to do you a favour,” draco mumbles. “because i’m serious when i say my father will snap you in half if he finds out you’re the one providing these artefacts to the dark market.”

    “i’m not afraid of lucius,” you reply. “and i think you’re kind of forgetting the fact that your father actually likes me. at least a little bit.”

    draco’s eyebrows fly up in amusement. “what’s given you that idea?”

   “the fact that i’m still allowed in your house after all these years.” you grin, basking in the way draco’s own smile fades at the realisation you have indeed recognised this behaviour within his family. “yes, malfoy. you all try so hard to convince me i’m the scum of the earth, but the truth is, you appreciate my company. the truth is, you make me tea every time i visit. the truth is, you’re all a little fond of me, whether you want to admit it or not.”

    his face pales even more, a feat you didn’t think possible until seeing it with your own two eyes. it’s a delicious win, a point for you in a competition you didn’t even realise you had entered.

    “you’re delusional,” he mumbles. “you say you picked up a history book, then you must know how my family feel about your kind.”

   “my kind?” you raise a brow, feigning ignorance just to annoy him. he hates outstretched conversations, especially with you. “are you talking about half-bloods, or pickpockets? oh! or people who can run circles around you without fear?”

    you don’t give him a chance to reply, because quite frankly, you’re done with this conversation. you’re done with him for today. you prefer it when you’re in control of your daily draco interactions. 

    you turn on your heel and leave, rushing for your next class even as he calls your name. you can’t believe the nerve of him, approaching you like that, telling you to quit the job that’s gotten you off the streets, that’s helped you fund an education for yourself. these robes you’re wearing, the books you read in class, the wand that is an extension of your arm by now - all of it was funded by you, from your own pocket. just because the business is ruthless, not some posh, clean dealing that malfoy is used to, doesn’t mean it’s any less important.

   you want to shove that explanation down his throat, just so he’ll finally look past his own privileged little bubble. you hate admitting it, but the truth is, draco wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t so blinded by his upbringing. he knows how to be nice - you’ve seen it before, experienced it before, though you never talk about those experiences with anyone. there have been a few times where draco has seen you walking past his house, soaked to the bone from the rain, and he’s let you in, warmed you up by the fire, placed a hot chocolate in your hand. he’ll insult you and call you stupid and claim he wants you out of his house as soon as possible, but he was still the man who made the move to get you out of the rain.

    your feelings for draco are a jenga tower. built up to full form, but slowly, pieces get chipped away until the entire thing is falling, and you have to rebuild it and try again. 

    you don’t know why you keep rebuilding it after so many disasters, but as he calls your name at your retreating back, you can feel yourself already putting those blocks back together.

   ----

     charms class really is a pain.

   flitwick is nice enough. he’s patient, which is good, and very much needed when it comes to your skills in the classroom. you’re an intelligent person, always studying because you want to be the best. you love seeing the look on draco’s face when he looks over and sees you’ve got a higher grade than him. it gives you such a thrill.

   but charms is your downfall, because nothing makes any sense. flitwick explains the spell, and the hand movements, and he leaves you to your own devices, and you always somehow end up messing everything up.

   today, all you’re doing is tossing a pillow to the other side of the room. it’s a simple spell, a simple gesture, and yet you still manage to smash a window in the process. flitwick merely sighs, explains the charm again, and gets you to repeat the process until you’ve got it right.

   it takes a while. you don’t like it when things take a while.

    by the half hour mark, sweat is running down your face, and your teeth have been gritted for so long it’s starting to hurt. you throw your wand down on the table, rake your hands through your hair and say, “i’m taking a break.”

   “please do,” flitwick grumbles, rubbing the spot on his head where a vase smashed into his skull, thanks to your handiwork.

   you slump down on one of the pillows you have failed to charm and run a hand along your brow. it’s actually disgusting how much energy gets taken out of you from doing such a simple thing. it’s also very confusing, considering you’re able to master the most difficult spells in defence against the dark arts without so much as a second thought. why tossing a pillow to the other side of the room is getting to you is both a joke and a mystery.

    as you pull yourself together, savouring your moment of rest, someone slumps down next to you. you glance over, an eyebrow raised at bailey o’boyle, a boy you’ve done business with a few times in the past. he was only dabbling in the black market at the time, too young to understand what it was actually all about, but you weren’t going to be the one to ward him off, not when he had a good few galleons with your name on it.

    he looks at you now with a smile, big and dopey, just as it always is.

   “can i help you?” you ask. 

    “yes.”

   you wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t. he just keeps staring at you.

    you grit your teeth. “with what?”

    “i need an electric scooter.”

    you raise a brow. already the word ‘electric’ has got your attention, because that’s not something the wizard world is very familiar with. what bailey is doing right now is forming a business deal. you’re not usually a fan of bargaining in the middle of class, but since you have nothing better to do. . .

   you turn, ducking your head and lowering your voice. “what the fuck do you need an electric scooter for?”

    “to sell,” he replies. “i’ve got a man who collects them. he’s willing to pay big money, y/n. big, big money.”

    you like the sound of that.

   “i’m a pickpocket, you know,” you say. “it’s not going to be easy pickpocketing an entire scooter from a muggle.”

    bailey shrugs. “i said i’d see what you could do. but if you’re not up to it. . .”

   your eye twitches; you hate that phrase. realistically, you know this is far beyond your expertise. you steal wallets, and passports, and house keys, tiny things you can sneak away without detection. trying to get something like an electric scooter from a muggle without being caught is close enough to impossible that even the lure of galleons isn’t enough to convince you to do it.

   still, of course you’re going to think about it. there are many different side streets in muggle london that you could go down, and if you do it at night, the shadows could be used to your advantage. nobody would even bat an eye if you wore-

    draco grabs your wrist and pulls you from the floor.

   you yelp, stumbling into his chest. he lifts you like you weigh nothing, and you’re more surprised at his strength than you are at his actions.

    bailey’s eyes widen. he stutters, trying to feign innocence, but neither you nor draco are interested in him any more. you whirl on malfoy, shoving him away.

   “what the hell?”

    “what the hell, is right.” he grabs your arm. “come with me.”

   you struggle against his grip, but truth to be told, you’re not really putting up much of a fight. you’re still in shock at how easily he was able to lift you, at the feel of his fingers around your upper arm. 

    he drags you from the classroom. flitwick being flitwick doesn’t even bat an eye; he’s probably relieved that’s two more students he doesn’t need to worry about.

    in the hallway, draco finally lets go of you. you jerk away so fast your back hits against the wall. draco raises a brow, but he still looks furious. his nostrils are flared, his face is pale, and god, he keeps clenching his fists like he wants to wrap his hands around your throat.

    god help you, you kind of want him to. just to know what it feels like.

    “again,” you say. “what the hell?”

   “i knew you were stupid, y/n, but that’s bad even for you.”

    “excuse me?”

   “you do realise blaise was listening to every word you and bailey were saying in there?” he shakes his head, jaw clenched. “i was trying to talk over you, but your loud mouth is quite difficult to ignore.”

    you blink. firstly, wow. bargaining in class really isn’t a good idea, and you really should have known better.

   but also, wow, draco actually tried helping you out.

   you swallow and fold your arms over your chest. “i had it under control. blaise isn’t gonna do shit.”

    draco laughs. “blaise’s dad is in the ministry, idiot.”

   “stop calling me that. i’m smarter than you!”

    “do you understand what i’m telling you, y/n? if blaise says a word about what he heard to his dad, that’s you done. there’s no getting out of that.”

    a chill runs down your spine. draco glimpses the movement, and you swear his features soften slightly.

    “i just can’t believe you were so careless.”

   “why do you even care?” your voice is quiet, barely above a whisper. you kind of hope draco doesn’t hear it, but his eyebrows shoot up, and his cheeks gain a tiny red tint that lets you know he doesn’t really know the answer to that question. 

   you swallow, looking up to meet his eyes. “why do you care, draco?”

   “because.” his throat bobs. there is a moment of hesitation where you think he’s going to tell the truth. maybe he’s going to shock the world and just tell the god damn truth, but then he clears his throat, pulls his shoulders back and says, “i’ve already told you, y/n; if you go down, you’ll tarnish my family name. i can’t have that.”

    your insides wilt like his words are acid being poured down your throat. you laugh a little too loudly, a bark more than anything close to amusement. it’s so vicious, so filled with hatred that draco actually flinches away. in that moment, you want to give him a real reason to flinch, a real reason to be afraid.

    but you don’t, because he’s the boy who pulled you out of the rain.

   instead, you shake your head and say, “tell flitwick i’m ill. and don’t bother talking to me ever again. let me handle my own business, thanks.” and without another word, you rush down the hallway to the dorm rooms, refusing to look back at him. this time, he doesn’t call your name, doesn’t chase after you in that hopelessly stupid way you want him to. of course he wouldn’t. 

    you throw your robes off the minute you burst through the doors of your dorm. it’s empty besides a fellow slytherin’s cat laying on the bed. the black and white feline lifts its head at the sound of you, and you ignore it’s confused little mews as you scramble into your own bed, pull the privacy curtain over and bury your head in your pillow.

   you hate him. you really, really hate him, and that’s not even an exaggeration. he’s the worst person you’ve ever met. he’s this tormented little shit who thinks he has every right to throw his anger at everyone else, just because he isn’t tough enough to stand up to mummy and daddy. he’s so desperate to stay in line with everything his parents say, and it’s ridiculous. it’s embarrassing. it’s a cowards move.

    there are so many things you wished you said to him before storming off, but there’s always that moment of hesitation when it comes to anything you want to say to draco. you either have to check it’s not too nice, and even when it’s mean, you have to check it’s not going to actually upset him, because you don’t want to do that either. you don’t know why. you should spit in his face for the shit he puts you through, the confusion he makes you feel. and he doesn’t even care. he just carries on being a little prick, like nothing is wrong in the world.

   but surprise, surprise, draco. not everyone can live a lavish life, worry free. 

   --- 

    you manage to ignore draco for the rest of the day. it’s easily done, considering draco doesn’t like to make a big deal out of the fact that you two actually have history; he likes to pretend he associates only with people of the purest blood, the most talented wizards, ones that come from the old families.

    but he can’t keep his eyes off you.

    he knows he’s hit a nerve. the way his eyes follow every movement you make, the way his jaw ticks when you don’t even give him the time of day - he’s not a stupid boy, as much as you like to tell him he is. he can see when he’s upset you. 

    classes drag in the rest of the day, and it’s a massive relief when you’re finally released from the confines of lessons, free to do whatever you want. after stealing a bit of food from the dining hall, you head up to the slytherin dormitory; you like it best when it’s empty, when you can just sit with your own thoughts for a while. you need it today, because today you actually let yourself be a normal teenager, and you hate it. you hate the feeling of hormones and overreactions, but sometimes it’s hard to help it. sometimes you need to let yourself feel emotional.

    alone in the dorms, you reach under your bed and pull out your handy box of trinkets. most of the contents are just things you’ve stolen that never found a home - a penny from a london sidewalk, an old napkin with a mystery person’s phone number scribbled on it, a black and white photo of a couple standing in front of the ocean. however, tucked away amongst those simple, boring things is a green emerald - one you stole from the malfoy manor a few years ago.

    you got it from draco’s room, because you weren’t meant to be in there, and you wanted to let him know that you had, in fact, been in there. the emerald was stitched into the collar of one of his shirts, all expensive looking and wasted. you nearly scoffed at the sight of it - when would draco ever get to wear something so glamorous anyway? plus, the emerald looked far too heavy to be confined to a shirts collar; it would be very uncomfortable, you assumed.

   that’s why you grabbed a knife and cut the stitching to shreds, plucking the emerald from it to claim as your own. you tossed the shredded shirt back into draco’s wardrobe, tucked the emerald into your pocket and then walked out, content with the knowledge that draco would be yelling at you in due time once he noticed his missing jewel.

   but the yelling never came.

   draco knew you had stolen it. again, he isn’t stupid. his shirt was shredded, and the jewel was missing, and it was obvious who had done it - the known pickpocket who was strolling through his house every other night. 

   he just never said anything, like he wanted you to keep it, like he didn’t mind it was in your hands now.

   you stare at it, legs crossed beneath you. you’ve always prided yourself on how little you care for expensive things - you don’t complain that you haven’t got much, that you grew up poor, never able to afford the grand things draco has. but you still handle this emerald with so much care, flipping it round in your fingers, looking at every curve and delicate groove in it’s cut. 

    the dormitory door opens. you trust it’s just someone who’s eaten too much and wants an early night, so you don’t panic or falter. you listen to their footsteps patter across the room, the thump of their robes hitting the floor, followed closely by their shoes. you listen to their privacy curtain screeching open, their sigh of annoyance at something you can’t see-

   and then draco pops his head round your privacy curtain.

   you yelp, fumbling with the emerald. it slips from your fingers, however, and crashes to the floor at draco’s bare feet. he stares at it as you curse, an eyebrow raising, and you don’t even try and hide it. you just let him stare, arms folded over your chest, annoyance brewing in your stomach just at the sight of him. 

    finally, he slowly looks up. “mine, i take it?”

   “good guess, rich boy. can i have it back?”

   he picks it up and tosses it into your lap. you’re pleasantly surprised at his cooperation, but still keep that frown on your face.

   “what do you want?” you ask, violently stuffing all your belongings back into the cardboard box. 

    “you weren’t at dinner,” draco replies. “i wanted to make sure you weren’t causing any more trouble.”

    you scoff. “oh, trouble, yes. tarnishing the malfoy name. the end goal for us all.”

    draco stares at you, lips pursed. his gaze is always so warm, a physical thing that makes your skin crawl. “that comment bothered you, did it?”

    “nothing you say bothers me, draco. it just baffles me how you can be so dense sometimes.”

    “ouch. that one hurt.”

   you roll your eyes. “why are you here? i have nothing to say to you.”

   “you don’t have to say anything. i just wanted to make sure you’re alive.”

   “not like you care, though, is it?”

    draco’s nostrils flare. his throat bobs, eyes tracing the length of your throat like he’s a hungry vampire. his lower lip slips between his teeth, the expression startling you. he looks like he’s trying to reel himself back, like some unwanted emotion is fighting for dominance in his brain.

    “you’re really stubborn, aren’t you?” he asks after a moment.

   “you think?”

    “i still don’t know what i did to piss you off so much.”

   you bark out a laugh. “no, of course you don’t. god forbid a malfoy is self-aware for once.”

    he groans. “can you not just make things simple? why do we have to go around in circles like this? it’s a waste of time!”

    “is that meant to be an apology?”

   “how can i apologise when i don’t even know what i did?” he’s starting to sound desperate, like this conversation is taking the life from him. 

    you lean back, pulling the box into your lap protectively. in truth, you don’t even know how to word why you’re so upset - it makes sense in your head, but articulating it to someone else is just going to make you sound stupid, maybe even a little delusional. you should know draco by now, people will say. you should know what he’s like, that he cares for no one besides himself. getting upset over him showing his true colours is stupid, a waste of time and energy.

   but you look into his blue eyes right now, wanting nothing more than for him to just understand. understand what, you don’t even want to admit, not to yourself or anyone else. 

   “you hurt my feelings,” you mumble. 

   draco inhales sharply. “i didn’t think i could do that. i never thought you’d let me.”

    “well, you did. congratulations.”   

   “jesus, y/n, it’s not like i wanted to. what did i even say?”

   you stare at him. he stares back. the ball will drop eventually, you know, because draco is smart, smarter than you’ve ever given him credit for. he examines your expression, and you watch the moment his eyebrows start to relax in realisation, the frown form on his face. it makes anxiety coil in the pit of your stomach, because maybe this is just a little too vulnerable. maybe letting draco figure this out on his own was a bad idea.

    but it’s too late now. he draws back slowly, hands curled around the privacy curtain until the fabric is creasing and knotted in his fingers. “wait. . .”

    “go, draco,” you demand. “i have shit to do. business to take care of.”

    “y/n-”

   “go, draco!”

    he stares at you a moment longer before running a hand through his hair and walking out the room. you wait till the door is closed, and then you wait till his footsteps can no longer be heard, and then you throw the box of trinkets to the ground, watching the emerald slip across the wooden floor.

    ---

     the streets of london always look a little different when you’re angry. a little more violent. a little more real.

   muggle london in itself has always felt like a very hostile place to you, but when you’re angry, things get clearer. you notice the vomit stain on the curb, the neglected baby pram in the bush, the beer bottles smashed beneath window sills. it becomes a different place - it just depends on how you’re feeling.

    tonight, you are angry, and everything around you is angry, too.

    you just want a set of car keys, not the actual car. muggle car keys sell at a good price, depending on who you’re dealing with. nobody has requested them, and usually you don’t go out unless asked to do so by a client, but tonight, you just want to be out. you want to be away from the wizarding world. you want to cause havoc with your fingers in the best way you know how.

    it’s busy. it always is. you can guarantee that almost everyone around you has car keys in their pocket - that’s why global warming is so bad. some of them even wear them around their neck, dangling from multicoloured chains with little souvenirs banging against their chests. those would be so easy to just rip off and run away, but you’ve decided to be subtle, which means your eyes are trained on the bulges in people’s coat pockets. so many of them, so careless. 

    a man in a tracksuit seems like the best option. you follow him for ten minutes, keeping your head down, before he finally breaks away from his group of drunken friends. he laughs to himself, stumbling just the perfect amount - he’s drunk, but not drunk enough to be falling over himself, which makes slipping your hand into his pocket a pretty easy deal.

   you go for the kill, quickening your pace, dipping your hand into his pocket-

   he grabs your wrist, and before you even have a chance to blink, you’re on the ground.

    a gasp is ripped from your throat at both the shock and the pain that spears up your spine. the guy is yelling, stumbling back, and holy shit, if he doesn’t shut up right now, the whole of london is going to be on you.

   gathering as much strength as you can, you roll onto your side and push yourself to your knees. “hey man, calm down. sorry. i thought you were my friend.”

    “did you just try and rob me?” he yells.

   “no! no, of course-”

    “you psycho bitch!” he lunges for you, all drunken vowels and grabby hands. you have no idea what to make of his intentions, you just know you’ve fucked up, and you need to get out of here.

    his hands slam into your shoulders, knocking you on your ass. a cry escapes you, but not from the pain. a tiny snap sounds from your back pocket, and you know without having to look that your wand has just broken in half - yet again. dumbledore is going to start getting very suspicious.

    “son of a bitch,” you growl, before raising your hands. “listen, hey. i’m sorry. i’ve said that already. you need to calm down before-”

    “before what?” he howls. “you kill me? are you threatening me?”

    your eyes widen. “no! would you just-”

    the man opens his mouth to say something else, but his words are sucked back in when a hand wraps around his arm and yanks him back. you wince at the sound of his head cracking against the tarmac, but you don’t get a chance to comment before draco is kneeling beside you, one hand cradling your head, the other resting on your knee. his touch alone is enough to spread warmth through your previously frozen limbs, and you hate that. you hate it so much.

    you tug your knee from his grip. “what the hell are you doing here?”

   “are you bleeding?” he runs his thumb along your bottom lip. when he pulls away, his fingertip glows with a red liquid. 

   “oh. i guess i am.”

   “christ, y/n. do you ever just...” he closes his eyes, taking a moment to redirect his anger. it’s an amusing sight, and you almost smile until you remember you’re mad at him. forever mad at him.

   you jerk your head out of his grip, too. “i’m fine. stop worrying.”

    “clearly i have to, or else you’re going to get yourself killed.” he glances over his shoulder, where the drunken man is struggling to sit up, still slurring protestations. “by a muggle.”

    “he wouldn’t have killed me,” you grumble. “although my wand is broke, so maybe he would have.”

   draco’s eyes widen. you wave him off before he has a chance to chastise you again - in truth, you just want to get out of here, car keys be damned. hastily, you push yourself to your feet, wobbling only slightly, but draco must see this tiny action as a full-on collapse risk, as he wraps an arm around your waist and tugs you close, grumbling curses under his breath. you’re such a pain in the arse, apparently, and god, he wishes he wasn’t stuck with you all the time, and he’s so baffled by the fact you’re still alive, it’s probably all thanks to him, blah, blah, blah.

   you listen to him rant the entire way back to malfoy manor. you don’t argue his choice of location, because you can see narcissa standing in the doorway, hand over her mouth, eyebrows raised in genuine surprise, and you already know she’s got a cup of tea waiting for you in the sitting room. you almost smile, but that would ruin the effect.

    she rushes out to meet you and draco halfway, immediately grabbing your face and tilting your head back and forth. you can taste blood on your teeth.

    “what happened?” she breathes, but doesn’t give you a chance to reply. “draco, take them into the lounge.”

   “oh, the lounge,” you coo. “you are spoiling me!”

    “be quiet,” draco hisses, doing as his mother says. he tosses you unceremoniously onto the plush sofa, and you have to ignore the inappropriate thrill that shoots up your body. 

   narcissa appears not ten seconds later, a steaming cup of tea in her hand. you give her a grin, which she rolls her eyes at, even as she sits beside you and brushes your hair away from your face. you take a sip of the tea, smile in thanks, and then lean your head back.

   “sorry about this.”

   narcissa sighs. her breath tickles your cheek, smelling oddly of incense. “i don’t know what we’re going to do with you, y/n.”

   “put me down.” you make a stabbing gesture into your arm and mouth lethal injection at draco. he purses his lips, clearly not taking the joke in stride. “i didn’t mean to worry you so much.”

    “you’re always worrying us,” draco hisses, which earns him a sharp look from narcissa. he meets his mothers eyes and his shoulders deflate. he runs his hands down his face. “you’re just . . . always doing something.”

    “i know,” you mumble. “sorry.”

    “draco, don’t stress them out,” says narcissa, which surprises you; you’ve always known narcissa has a secret soft spot for you, but she’s always tried her hardest to keep it just that - a secret. yet here she is, combing your hair back, giving you a cup of tea, telling her son to treat you nicely. it’s like you’ve entered a different world. “i’m gonna go and make some calls. keep them comfortable, okay?”

   draco nods, lips still pursed, forever displeased. you used to laugh at that expression on his face, but now it just makes you feel bad. 

   narcissa leaves the room, and then it’s just you and draco. you watch as he watches you, eyes never wavering, shoulders never relaxing. he’s got his arms folded over his chest like he’s keeping guard. 

    “i meant it, you know,” you say. “i didn’t mean to worry you. i thought it would be an easy job.”

    “who are you doing business with now? bailey again?”

    “no.” you look down, surprisingly shameful. “it was just for myself. i needed out of the castle, and. . .” you shrug. “you know me. i can’t do anything easy.”

   he scoffs. “yeah, i know.”

   “so i’m sorry.”

   draco closes his eyes and rubs his temples. the rings on his fingers glisten beneath the fancy lights. his knuckles pop, the veins in his arms protruding. “please stop apologising.”

   you blink. “alright.”

    “you act like i don’t understand why you’re doing all this, but i do.” he looks at you, hands dropping to his sides. “just because i don’t have to do it myself, doesn’t mean i don’t understand. why else do you think i haven’t stopped you?”

    your breath catches. you raise a brow, tilting your head cruelly. “you wouldn’t have been able to stop me. you think i’d listen to you?”

    “yeah. i think you would.”

   you reel back, jaw dropping open. “excuse-”

    “you always act like you hate me, but you forget you’ve been coming to my house for years. you forget i’ve known you since we were eleven. you forget that i don’t just put up with anyone. i’ve had time to figure you out, y/n, no matter how much you like to pretend i haven’t.” he folds his arms and leans against the door. his hair is rumpled, along with his shirt and jeans. so casual, so unlike himself. “but earlier on, in the dorms. . . you surprised me with that one.”

    your stomach curls. oh, good god, he’s bringing that up now. you’re sat here with a busted chin and a potential criminal charge, and he’s bringing this up. you could headbutt him.

    despite your glare, he continues. “i knew you didn’t hate me, but i never thought. . . i never thought you liked me, you know? especially not-”

   “don’t say it.”

   his lips twist. “i have to.”

   “no you don’t.”

    “do you love me?”

    your heart falls into the pit of your stomach, which is answer enough for you. love is such a strong word, and you could easily say no, that what you feel for draco is nothing more than a little crush. he’s got the nice blue eyes, and the money, and the perfect hair. he’s got a smile that lights up rooms. it’s a crush. you fancy him, and that’s all there is to it.

    but love sounds pretty accurate. more accurate, actually.

    you swallow. draco watches the bob of your throat, and you watch his. above your head, the massive clock ticks, ticks, ticks. 

     slowly, he reaches forward and swipes his thumb over your chin. it stings just a little, but you’ve felt worse pain, so you let him do it without jerking away. 

     “cat got your tongue?” he whispers.

    you shiver. “i don’t. . . i don’t know what you want me to say.”

    “it’s not about what i want. i was asking a simple question. just give me the truth.”

    “you want the truth?”

   he inhales, hesitates, and then nods.

    “yeah, draco,” you whisper. “i think i love you.”

     slowly, draco draws away. his eyes never leave your own, that frosty blue colour reminding you of the winter sky, or a cold december morning. you remember all those christmas’s at hogwarts when draco would stay at the castle, waking him up because you thought it would annoy him to have your face be the first thing he sees. you always commented on the dreary smile that played on his lips when you did that, and he would always say, “i thought you were someone else.”

    but that dreary smile is returning, pulling across his face, and it doesn’t falter. right now, there is no mistake. his eyes are on you, and he knows it is you, the person who has apparently made his life a living hell for so many years. you’re the ache in his spine, the one he can’t wait to get rid of.

    but you’re also the one he rescued from the rain. 

    you’re the one who cursed hermione granger when she punched him in the nose.

   you’re the one who’s just confessed your love to him.

   shit.

   “don’t look at me like that,” you say, voice hoarse. “don’t pretend you didn’t know.”

   “i didn’t know,” he says immediately, like he’s desperate for you to know he was clueless. “did you know?”

    “kind of. i wanted to ignore it-”

    draco shakes his head, waving a dismissive hand. “no, no. did you know that i love you, too?”

    you open your mouth, but no words come out. your brain just short circuits, taking a second to catch on to what he’s said. that dreary smile is still playing at his lips, and you’re waiting for the moment it turns into a sneer, a mocking little smirk.

    it doesn’t.

   “oh right,” you mumble. “no. i had no idea.” you pause. “are you taking the piss out of me?”

    he laughs, a rare and pleasant sound. he approaches you, kneels at your side on the sofa and cups your head in his hands. you melt into him, even though every instinct in your body is telling you to pull away, to run away, because this is nothing more than false hope. he’s playing a trick on you. you’ve annoyed him to breaking point, and now he’s found the perfect chance for revenge.

    but his hands are so warm, and nice, and your cheek dips into his palm so easily, like it belongs there.

    “you’ve always been kind of not smart in my eyes,” he says.

   your eyes widen. “hey!”

   “kidding. i’m kidding.” he chuckles, running his thumb along your lower lip. “but you’re not doing your intelligence any justice right now. i thought i was making my feelings pretty clear.”

   you glare; he knows full well he hasn’t made his feelings clear. neither of you have. you’ve spent the past seven years pretending to hate each other.

   he grins. “okay, maybe i didn’t make it so easy. but you didn’t make it easy for me, either.”

   “i still don’t believe you.”

   he raises a brow. ���why?”

   you shrug. “it just doesn’t seem possible that someone like you could fall in love with someone like me.”

    his eyes soften. “wow. maybe you are not very smart.” 

   before you have a chance to protest, he kisses you. just like that, like it’s the most natural thing in the world, or maybe like it’s an action he’s been waiting to do for years, and now he’s finally got the chance. that’s what it’s like for you, this coil unravelling in your gut after years and years and years of ignoring it’s existence.

   you run your hands through his hair, tugging on those pesky strands at the back that always stick up because he refuses to wear anything other than collared shirts. he growls into your mouth, pulling you closer, closer, closer, until your legs are tangled with his, and his fingers are tracing a line down the centre of your throat. he stops at the hollow, just to feel the bob of your throat as nerves spiral through you. he grins against your mouth, pulling away to see the shock in your eyes.

    he’s so proud of himself. he’s made you a mess.

    you smile awkwardly, trying to regain some amount of composure. he watches you, heavy lidded, one hand still clutching your knee as the other curls around your throat, just where your neck and shoulders meet. the way he stares at you, it’s like he doesn’t even realise he’s doing it. 

     “so,” you begin. “you’re worry wasn’t actually just for your family name, was it?”

   draco sighs, plonking his forehead against your own. “no, y/n, it wasn’t. my worry was losing you. which i very nearly did tonight.”

   “don’t be so dramatic. i wouldn’t have died.”

   “you could have.”

   “but i wouldn’t have, because that guy was drunk, and a muggle, and-”

   “are you two arguing again?”

   you and draco jump apart as narcissa storms into the lounge, wand clutched to her chest. her narrowed eyes are firm on draco. 

   “i told you to keep them comfortable!” she exclaims. “can you not put your differences aside for ten minutes?”

    you grin, teasingly running a finger along draco’s spine. “yeah draco. listen to mummy.”

    he growls, but turns to narcissa and says, “sorry, mother. you know how y/n gets.”

   “yes, i know,” narcissa mumbles. “but they’re injured. now, let me take this phone call, and then we’ll set up the guest bedroom. can i leave you alone for ten more minutes?”

   “yes,” you and draco both reply immediately. narcissa hums, and walks out.

   draco immediately spins, grabs your wrist and pulls you to him, slamming his lips to yours. you laugh against his mouth, melting into the embrace for only a second before pulling away and saying, “she’s trusting us to behave for ten more minutes, draco. this isn’t behaving.”

    “oh, fuck that,” he scoffs. “come here.”

   you let him pull you closer, closer than you have ever been with him before, because you’ve always been so convinced he never wanted you more than a few feet away from him. suddenly, everything draco has ever said to you is reconstructed in your mind, every action, every little look. 

   you wonder if he’s doing the same. 

#harry potter #harry potter fanfic #harry potter fic #harry potter fanfiction #draco malfoy #draco malfoy fanfic #draco malfoy fic #draco malfoy fanfiction #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #hp fic #hp #draco x reader

[nothorses]

Ngl I was raised Christian and I’m now an atheist. I’m sure I have some internal shit about the puritanical shit about sex and nudity and “be good or else eternal damnation” and whatever other shitty stuff comes with the territory that I can’t think of off the top of my head right now. But also uh. Don’t do Christmas? Or Easter or any other Christian holiday. Or anything to do with any Christian holidays.

The most involved I’ve been with any religion since I was like 8 (and decided I couldn’t come to grips with the idea that a Good and All Loving All Powerful All Knowing god could allow shit like cancer and poverty and racism and every other shitty thing in the world to exist) is Judaism cause I went to my best friend’s Bat Mitzvah, including the part where she read the Torah because she worked really hard on it and was very proud of herself and I wanted to support her.

That said, aside from cults, pretty much every religion is more interesting/respectable than Christianity in my eyes. I’m sure some of that comes from being force fed it so much as a kid that I still know a lot about it and am more intimately aware of its shittier points. But I dunno I also get that people will participate in religion or religious stuff just for the culture of it and that’s fine. But also so is genuinely believing in it all.

Believing there’s a creation myth that’s true or that gods are real or whatever else isn’t inherently harmful and as long as a person isn’t using religion as a tool to hurt people I’m genuinely happy for them. The world is a terrifying place and if religion can give someone comfort or make them feel more worthy or help them process grief or find community then that’s beautiful and something good.

I dunno I can’t bring myself to be religious even culturally, but I just want people to be happy and good to one another. Religion can be the tool that helps people live that reality or it can be the wrench in the gears that prevents it. The only certain thing is that it’s too complex of a thing to paint with one brush, and it’s best to judge it on a person to person basis when you can and err on the side of allowing people their personal choice when you can’t. Barring like, ritual murder/suicide or whatever the more extreme cults get up to. That stuff’s illegal anyways though so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Yeah, my deciding factor on whether A Whole Religion is shit is, like, "can people opt out of this religion if they want to?"- which is not true of cults (i.e. Scientology, Mormonism, etc.) and is not meaningfully true of Christianity in countries where it is dominant.

But I still wouldn't call an individual Scientologist of Mormon or Jehovah's Witness or anything Evil or Stupid or whatever- unless they're directly enacting violence themselves, I don't blame folks for getting sucked into cults and manipulated into staying.

I don't think individual Christian are lesser-than, either. I'll admit I step lightly when I first find out someone's Christian, but that's because I have been trained to by other Christians & by a Christian-dominated society. Not because I don't think Christians can, like, be decent folks or practice their religion in a decent way.

I genuinely don't care what people believe in, I just want the space to believe what I believe in peace.

[umbran6]

The Argument Against Caleo

Spoilers up to Blood of Olympus and beyond. Beware! (Or not, the book series has been out for a few years, get over it). I wrote this after seeing a user wondering why people didn’t like Caleo, or in some cases, hated it. Here, I want to explain the answer as much as possible while doling out my own points. 

One of the main grievances I have as a fan of Leo Valdez would be the ship Caleo, or Leo x Calypso. It’s a complicated ship, to say the least, with multiple issues that make me question why people like the ship. And I admit it, they initially had some chemistry, but there’s multiple issues that Uncle Rick produced through making such a relationship that makes it extremely open to criticism, criticism which I will explain through this post.

One of my main points against them is that the ship was created on a very limited time scale. Although we aren’t given an exact date to date of when Leo and Calypso met to when they fell in love, we can safely estimate it to be a week at best. Such a limited amount of time from going through the multiple stages of a relationship already stresses the limits of the suspension of disbelief.

A counterexample would be Percabeth, or Percy x Annabeth. Throughout the series, we aren’t introduced to them being romantically involved until the Titan’s Curse, which was two years after they met. Specifically, this is brought up by Aphrodite, the goddess of love herself. Admittedly, Percy and Annabeth were twelve years old when they first met, when romance was definitely out of the picture, especially with a quest to get the Master Bolt.

However, from there we get to see multiple examples of their character depth, ranging from their respective fatal flaws to their ambitions, hopes and dreams, and their friendship. We get to see the slow build up of their chemistry, which was a really good writing move on Uncle Rick’s part. These characters took their sweet time to get to where they wanted to go, and despite the false romantic lead of Rachel, they still got together.

On the other hand, we don’t see enough of this between Leo and Calypso — we only see one book where they interacted with each other in The House of Hades, and that was only for a handful of chapters. While they are definitely older so they can jump straight to romance (some may say too old, but I’ll get to that) its still a pretty huge gap to jump through without making it stick. This makes it hard to root for a ship when it is built on a rather faulty foundation from the ‘they just met’ to ‘they get together’, especially when they don’t have a lot of events to show their chemistry.

Which brings me to Ogygia, which has raised a few red flags for me when looking at it from a retrospective point of view. Now, we know what the main issue of the island is that the hero who landed on said island can’t leave until Calypso falls in love with them. And we’ve seen this with Percy during the Battle of the Labyrinth, where he lands in the island and Calypso falls in love with him while tending to his wounds from, you know, being erupted from freaking Mt. St. Helens. Needless to say, this falling in love with each other montage happened quickly to the point of suspicion, which sets up the complication that Calypso and Leo might have fallen in love due to magical intervention.

And hear me out, because although this  might be a pretty big pill to swallow, we have evidence for this through Percy. It only takes one chapter for Calypso and Percy to meet, and the next he’s willing to consider leaving Camp Half-Blood and Annabeth behind to live on the island when Hephaestus gives him the choice to leave Ogygia or stay. We don’t even get an explanation on why Percy considered giving it all up just so he can be with her. All we know is, girl meets boy, now they want to live on an isolated island forever. It’s especially absurd considering Percy’s hamartia (fatal flaw) is freaking loyalty to those he loves.  Needless to say, It’s a huge YIKES, especially when we apply it to Leo and Calypso. 

It also raises the possibility that the romantic relationship between them is doomed to failure. And if you guys want to fight me on this, let’s look at Jason and Piper, a couple whose relationship started with a similar foundation. Piper had romantic memories implanted into her brain by Hera through the use of the Mist, while Jason was reduced to a Tabula Rasa (a blank slate for those who lack culture) by said goddess. They broke up before the Trials of Apollo because it was clear that when the dust settled, Piper had been aware that their romance was a lie and that their intentions to stay together was a mix of delusion and pressure from freaking Aphrodite. Leo and Calypso get together under what is arguably a very similar set of conditions if Ogygia’s magic had any influence on their relationship, and that this magic could wear off if given enough time. 

Third, and here’s a pretty big one for me, would be Calypso’s character, mainly because there are a lot of unfortunate implications attached to it. In The Blood of Olympus, she was turned into the divine equivalent of Princess Peach, with Leo being her Mario (except he saves her with a badass metal dragon). Its extremely unnecessary to make a character, especially as one such as Calypso, get  turned into the typical reward of a B-Class action movie. It’s insulting and puts her up as a trophy, a narrative that is definitely not ok by any means necessary.

In another direction, Calypso is also really, really worrying when things don’t go get her way. First, let’s look at The Odyssey, the first myth she pops up. Calypso had imprisoned Odysseus for ten years on her island until Hermes said to let him go, and although it gives them plenty of time to fall in love, it also raises the implications of stockholm syndrome. Then we’ve got the fact that Calypso cursed Annabeth out of spite, implicitly saying that she wished the daughter of Athena would suffer the same isolation that she did, which came to reality when Percy and Annabeth met the Arai in Tartarus. And Annabeth wasn’t even aware that she was still in Ogygia, much less intentionally intervened in the matter. When Percy left Ogygia, rather than be angry at Percy, Calypso cursed Annabeth out of all people to suffer the same loneliness and misery she went through. That’s some Hera at her worst levels of spite. 

Through such evidence we can see that Calypso is extremely wrathful towards those who break her heart even though they don’t want to. It certainly implies that Calypso isn’t in a good state of mind, and could easily repeat said actions if provoked. We could almost compare it to Medea and the original Jason, but at least in that case, Medea has every right to be pissed off at Jason and take her revenge. Calypso’s curse and how she handles things certainly implies a level of immaturity that would end in disaster if they broke up.

One issue that, I’ll admit is more from my personal point of view is that the ship took a lot of Leo’s character and threw it in the garbage in Blood of Olympus. Though we see him do a lot of stuff behind the scenes, the fact that its all for the goal of reaching Calypso just reduced him to someone who is more focused on love than, you know, fighting the evil goddess that was responsible for killing his mom and getting sweet sweet revenge. While the revenge plot can be cliched sometimes, it can be played well, while romance and the typical ‘always save the girl’ trope is just overdone. If Leo had been allowed to, you know, be more focused on other things rather than Calypso, we could have seen a lot more variety in his character.

For example as one of the possible character arcs he could’ve gone through, Leo has always been alone among the couples, often being isolated. Heck, Nemesis herself stated that he would always be the seventh wheel, and that he would never find a place among his brethren. Though some fellow tumblr users have taken this in multiple ways, either saying that he should learn to be happy by himself or that he is socially isolated in the Argo II because of these romantic relationships (I prefer a mix of both). Uncle Rick just giving him a girlfriend seems like taking the easy way out of solving such an issue and abandoning what could’ve been a rather interesting character arc. The relationship isn’t a bad thing if we remove some of the unfortunate implications, but it is a bad way to end what is a complex and realistic problem for a character and in some cases maybe possible in real life.

One more minor but still yikes worthy point is that there’s a huge age gap between them. We’re not talking about the ‘Hazel is 15 and Frank is 17 and in one year that’ll be a problem because then Hazel will be jailbait’ age gap. And even then, we can argue that Hazel is older since she is chronologically ninety-one years old. No, Calypso is older by millennia in terms of mindset and body due to the perks of being a goddess, while Leo is sixteen.

God-to-Mortal relationships are already complicated, even with emotionally and socially well-functioning adults. The fact that Leo is underage, inexperienced with romance (despite his flirting, Calypso was his first kiss), and has been through a freaking ton of trauma in his youth, does not make this okay. At best, they’re both mutually interested in each other but may have different expectations when it comes to a relationship. At worst, Calypso is taking advantage of a boy just so she can get out of Ogygia and possibly dumping him later on like the wrapping of a candy bar. Even though Calypso lost her immortality during The Trials of Apollo, that doesn’t even compensate for the immense age gap alongside Leo’s guilt at the possibility that he might’ve been responsible for her losing said immortality.

Oh, and about Leo... I’m a fan of him, but I can admit that he is in a bad spot both mentally and emotionally throughout the series. He’s lost his mom due to a mix of his own powers and Gaea’s trickery, and never had the chance to fully process that event and come to terms with it. The foster home system alongside his own trauma has forced him to hide his emotions through a façade of happiness and jokes when it’s quite clear to me he needs a therapist, stat. He's also run away from several foster homes, implying this means he was and still is being affected by the event. His mask is still on during The Blood of Olympus considering he hid a lot of things from Piper and Jason.

Speaking about them, not helping this matter is the fact that he’s rather isolated in terms of friendships since Jason and Piper, his supposed best friends are more interested in locking lip rather than, you know, actually hanging out with each other.  He doesn’t have good friendships with the rest of the Seven, and the closest ones he does have is with Hazel and Frank. And even then they start off in the wrong spot since Frank is very insecure about possibly losing Hazel to him during Mark of Athena while Hazel in the meantime, is also dealing with the fact that he is the descendant of her possible boyfriend Sammy Valdez. 

This could indirectly have made him desperate for affection since he has nobody else to confide in during the rest of the series, which is a bad mental state to be in when one lands on Ogygia, the island that we’ve seen could possibly force two people to fall in love with each other. A romantic relationship is not something that he needs or something that will help him in the future. He needs more than that, and having him in one that could end in disaster is the last thing he needs. 

And that does not make him a bad person, much less a bad character. While some who are similarly emotionally and socially isolated may turn to violence or creepy behavior on those they want affection from, Leo does not do that to the other characters. It just means that he as a character needs more time to recover and develop before we go giving him romantic relationships, much less one with Calypso.

That’s not to say that they don’t have some things in common. Both are starved for love and affection, with Calypso being constantly rejected by heroes while Leo was rejected by foster homes and his own family. It’s a trait that they have in common, but it shouldn’t be the only thing that they have in common, especially since it is laced with a trauma that is clear they haven’t had help processing. They need to develop more as characters and as friends before they should be paired together.

So… yeah. The Caleo relationship is, in my eyes, doomed to failure, or at least heavily flawed after taking the above points into account. Uncle Rick, as if seemingly aware of these criticisms, has put the relationship in a rocky place by The Tower of Nero, giving them the possibility of overcoming the above criticisms and their own flaws, or giving fanfic writers an out and pairing Leo with another character or have him single, but happy. Either way, in my opinion Caleo is a bad ship when it comes to how it was created, alongside the flaws and unfortunate implications it has.

While I can see some of the chemistry the ship has, you can’t just use a couple of moments where they get along as evidence that they belong together, especially with the above reasons. That’s like using a band-aid to cover a bullet hole without removing the bullet, stopping the bleeding, and preventing infection. If both characters and their relationship had been given more time to develop, I would understand how they would get together. 

#Leo Valdez #percy jackson #Annabeth Chase #piper mclean #jason grace #Frank Zhang #Hazel Levesque #Caleo #Anti-Caleo #Percabeth (slightly mentioned) #Critique #Critique of a ship #Unfortunate implications #just... unfortunate implications all around #Greek mythology #Greek Myth #Percy Jackon and the Olympians #Heroes of Olympus #trials of apollo #Cupid is it possible you can take back an arrow?